#Resource Recovery

[beatsforbrothels]

Theravada & Zoomo - Resource Recovery

[idea-explorer]

[bigvolcano]

Let’s unite to clean up the Tweed!

Clean Up Australia Day will take place on Sunday 3 March and registrations for this year’s clean up events are now open. Residents, schools and community groups are encouraged to sign up for Clean Up Australia Day this year and do their bit...

Get involved in your neighbourhood this Clean Up Australia Day Some of our youngest residents take part in Clean Up Australia Day across the Tweed. This trio helped clean up around Pottsville in 2023. Residents, schools and community groups are encouraged to sign up for Clean Up Australia Day this year and do their bit to help clean up the Tweed! Clean Up Australia Day will take place on…

[market-insider]

Water and Wastewater Treatment Equipment Market, Analyzing Market Forces, Technological Advancements, and Environmental Impacts

The global water and wastewater treatment equipment market size is anticipated to reach USD 90.0 billion by 2030, registering a CAGR of 4.6% over the forecast period, according to a new report by Grand View Research, Inc. The market is driven by increasing demand for clean and safe water in both developed and emerging economies. This is due to growing concerns over water pollution and scarcity, and the need for effective wastewater management.

Water And Wastewater Treatment Equipment Market Report Highlights

Asia Pacific accounted for the largest revenue share of the global market in 2023, accounting for 35.1%, and is expected to maintain its dominance throughout the forecast period. This can be attributed to the presence of a strong consumer base that has led to significant demand for water and wastewater treatment equipment

By application, the municipal segment dominated the market with a revenue share of 66.0% in 2023. The increasing initiatives undertaken by governments, strict environmental regulations, and increasing awareness regarding water treatment are some of the factors contributing to the growth of the municipal segment over the forecast period

By process, the tertiary treatment segment dominated the market with a revenue share of 44.2% in 2023. Some of the drivers for the increasing demand for tertiary wastewater treatment are environmental protection, water scarcity, and the increasing demand for clean water. As these issues continue to be major concerns across the world, the demand for tertiary wastewater treatment is expected to grow over the forecast period

Major key players frequently engage in mergers & acquisitions and new product launches to maintain their market shares. For instance, in March 2022, Pentair plc, announced the definitive agreement to acquire Manitowoc Ice. The move was taken by the company to enhance its commercial water solutions platform and cater to the demand from the food service industry

For More Details or Sample Copy please visit link @: Water And Wastewater Treatment Equipment Market Report

Furthermore, the demand for decentralized wastewater treatment systems is expected to increase over the projected period, as these systems offer several advantages such as low operating costs, high treatment efficiency, and easy maintenance. Several companies are focusing on developing innovative decentralized wastewater treatment systems that can be easily installed in residential and commercial buildings.

Population growth, urbanization, increasing industrialization, and the need for clean water for various purposes such as drinking, agriculture, and industrial processes all drive demand for water and wastewater treatment equipment. Government regulations aimed at protecting the environment and ensuring public health also have an impact on the demand for water and wastewater treatment equipment.

The market players are constantly undertaking strategic initiatives such as mergers, acquisitions, partnerships, and new product launches to gain a competitive advantage. For instance, Ceco Environmental, a provider of air pollution control solutions, announced the acquisition of Compass Water Solutions, a provider of water and wastewater treatment equipment. The acquisition will enable Ceco Environmental to integrate Compass Water Solutions’ critical engineered solutions with its industrial water capabilities.

WaterAndWastewaterTreatmentEquipmentMarket #WaterAndWastewaterTreatmentEquipment #WaterTreatment #WastewaterManagement #EnvironmentalEngineering #SustainableTechnology #CleanWaterSolutions #IndustrialWaterTreatment #WaterPurification #GreenInfrastructure #InnovationInWaterManagement #WaterQualityControl #WastewaterRecycling #MarketTrends #EnvironmentalCompliance #SmartWaterTechnologies #RegulatoryFrameworks #EcoFriendlySolutions #EmergingTechnologies #ResourceRecovery

[thewriteadviceforwriters]

📉 The 5 Worst Writing Advice Bits You Might Still Believe

(Let’s Burn Them Together)

You’ve been lied to. Or at least, misled by well-meaning chaos goblins with strong opinions and a Twitter account.

Here’s a lovingly aggressive breakdown of writing “advice” you need to kick into a volcano immediately:

─────── ✦ ───────

“Write Every Day or You’re Not a Real Writer”

🗑️ Into the fire it goes.

This is advice built for guilt, not creativity. You’re a writer if you write. That includes:

Writing on weekends.

Writing in your Notes app once a week.

Writing one scene per month.

Thinking intensely about a story while doing literally anything else.

Consistency helps, sure. But daily output? Not the only path. And definitely not a moral obligation.

✨ Alternative: Write when you can, track what works, and let your process breathe.

─────── ✦ ───────

“If You’re Stuck, You Just Don’t Want It Bad Enough”

This is the kind of advice that sounds motivational until it destroys your relationship with writing.

Being stuck doesn’t mean you’re lazy or not passionate. It could mean: → You’re burnt out. → Your plot needs restructuring. → Your brain is full of static. → You’re scared to get it wrong.

✨ Alternative: Ask what your block is protecting you from. Then fix the problem, not your willpower.

─────── ✦ ───────

“Kill Your Darlings”

Yes, let’s just delete everything with emotional weight and pretend that makes it deep.

Look, editing matters. But this advice gets misused constantly. Killing your darlings doesn’t mean gutting every beautiful or weird or vulnerable thing in your prose. It means cutting what doesn’t serve the story.

✨ Alternative: Kill what doesn’t carry weight. Keep what resonates. Be ruthless with purpose, not performance.

─────── ✦ ───────

“Avoid Adverbs at All Costs”

This one was born in grammar hell.

Adverbs aren’t the enemy. Lazy adverbs are. But you know what else is lazy? Blanket bans. Adverbs can tighten a sentence, clarify emotion, or give rhythm when used intentionally.

✨ Alternative: Use adverbs when they do something specific. Don’t fear them, control them.

─────── ✦ ───────

“Your First Draft Has to Be Good or Don’t Bother”

This one? Evil.

It’s the fast track to perfectionism paralysis. First drafts aren’t supposed to be good. They’re supposed to exist. You can’t fix a blank page. You can fix a bad one.

✨ Alternative: Let your draft be messy. Be cringe. Be excessive. You’ll sculpt later. Right now? Just build the block of marble.

─────── ✦ ───────

Final thoughts from your local chaos scribe:

→ You don’t need to suffer to earn the title “writer.” → Your process is allowed to look different. → You are not broken because someone’s advice didn’t work for you. → Not everything that sounds “productive” is healthy. → Burn the rulebook. Build a toolkit instead.

—rin t. // writing advice that doesn’t suck™ // thewriteadviceforwriters

[self-care-club]

“I cant. I’m not smart enough. I’ll never reach my goals. I’m useless. I don’t deserve to succeed.”

Outta here with that nonsense! ACCEPT that you can change your story.

[yet-another-heathen]

On the topic of realistic conditioning/deconditioning,

If the trigger is something whumpee wouldn't hear often when they're with caretaker but whumpee still wants to break it because they might hear it elsewhere (like kneel being taken as a command)

Would whumpee ask caretaker to casually trigger them so they have the opportunity to challenge it in their own head and in a safe place? Would this be a good idea for recovery?

And of course being there with the praise everytime whumpee makes just a little bit of progress, or comfort when they don't.

Heads up, anon: your ask was an EXCEPTIONALLY good one, and I ended up writing another mini TED talk (~3-4 min read) in response. Thank you so much for sending it in!

...on Conditioned Whumpees - Part 3

[ Part 1 - Part 2 ]

That is a very, very good idea! You're spot on with all of it, particularly operating in a safe environment where whumpee is ultimately calling the shots. Having that comfort/support readily available will make a huge difference in how well whumpee can tackle the matter. And while the process isn't fun, approaching desensitization with this much intent is much, much more likely to result in success.

I can offer a few pointers that can add another few layers of realism, as well as some other things to think about while tailoring it to your story:

if whumpee is actively working through their conditioning in this way, memories of their trauma will become closer to the surface. As a result, all of their other PTSD symptoms will be elevated during the course of their practice sessions, as well as for at least a few weeks after.

flashbacks are a very common experience during times like this. engaging with triggers like this is going to cause their flashbacks to become more frequent and intense.

during such flashbacks, it is almost a given that whumpee's mind and body will enter a similar state to the one it was in during the time when the flashback was taking place. By that I mean that the fear they felt in that moment, where it was physically located in their body, will echo into their body in the present moment. Same goes for other all other emotions, and sometimes even phantom aches surrounding any injuries they received at the time...

while the emotions tend to be identical to the ones felt during the trauma, in my experience, the pain comes out distorted in a similar way to the way it does in dreams: less intense, and more "blurry" and imprecise in location. When we say that someone having a flashback is "reliving the moment", we mean that their body literally feels as though they're in the same immediate danger that it was in back then.

this is true even though they'll be aware to at least some degree that they're presently with caretaker and safe.

the flashbacks don't always happen immediately after the conditioning trigger is used. Often they flare up hours or days later, sometimes without warning, sometimes as a result of encountering a different flashback trigger. The whumpee's thresholds for what counts as a trigger will drop, which is part of what causes the flashbacks to happen more often. Something they could normally ignore is going to affect them much more while they're like this.

your whumpee is more likely to experience severe mood swings while in this heightened state. Especially feelings like irritability, frustration, anger, loneliness, and grief. This stuff ain't pretty, folks. Even your sweet cinnamon bun is most likely going to lash out at someone as a result.

PTSD episodes are also exhausting. your whumpee is going to feel mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. And, to add insult to injury, being tired amplifies the emotions listed above.

Now all of this said, your whumpee may or may not know that this is to be expected. If they've worked on processing their trauma before this, they'll have figured out that one often leads to the other. They'll go into the deconditioning practice knowing this is coming, and will approach it carefully, but with a fairly level head. Knowing that it'll suck, but they'll come out the other side okay.

If not, they're in for a rather nasty surprise.

For the latter, they will feel at first that the deconditioning practice is making everything worse. They're suddenly struggling the way they did when the trauma was fresher, and it can be tempting to stop and refuse to touch it again because the mental/emotional pain gets so intense.

If they do give up at this stage, it will make trying again far more daunting in the future.

But the trauma being stirred up is actually a sign that it's helping. It means that the whumpee is starting to process what happened to them, which is a fundamental step in being able to heal.

Note: All throughout the process, crying is a very good thing. It lets them physically get rid of a lot of the brain chemicals associated with these surges of emotion. Letting themselves cry over things they couldn't cry about back then can actually help them let go of those feelings in a similar way to if they'd been able to process them in the moment. [Which is the basis for much of EMDR, a specialized tool used in trauma therapy.]

Okay. So now we know what other effects can cascade from the actual deconditioning practice, now we have some things to consider.

First off, what time parameters are whumpee and caretaker working within while deconditioning? There are three basic options:

they sit down together and practice repeatedly using the trigger for [X amount of time; usually <45m at once] back to back. Once that time is up, caretaker will no longer use the trigger at all, the excercise will end, and they'll get up to do something else.

whumpee sets a specific window of time [X number of hours] within which caretaker will use the trigger word at random points. Once that time has elapsed, the exercise is over.

over the course of days, caretaker uses the trigger word at random points without giving warning. the excercise only stops after being ended by whumpee.

Now why is that important? Because of something called hypervigilance. It is another symptom of PTSD which, to put it into the simplest words, is whumpee waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's a heightened state of tension and wariness in which whumpee is expecting that something bad is going to happen, and is constantly searching for any sign to indicate when it's coming.

It is beyond exhausting.

Imagine knowing that someone is about to slap you as hard as they can, and you have to sit there with your eyes closed, waiting for it. The breath-holding, the flinchiness, the rigid tension in your body as you strain to listen for when they're coming.

Only now, stretch that moment out into hours. Days. Weeks. That is hypervigilance.

A hypervigilant whumpee is not going to be able to relax. Or rest. Or decompress. Or readily trust much of anything around them. They're MUCH more likely to flinch at sudden movements/sounds. They might start biting their nails or showing other signs of nervousness and distress.

These methods above have a gradually increasing chance of setting off whumpee's hypervigilance. If they know exactly when the next trigger is coming, as in example 1, then their 'waiting for it' tension will be low. But the more uncertain they become of exactly when it's going to happen, as in examples 2 & 3, the worse the hypervigilance is going to get.

The trade off is that the later examples are more effective in desensitizing them toward the trigger. The more their practice mimics encountering an unexpected trigger in day-to-day life, the easier it will be to fall back on that desensitization when the time comes.

Therefore, it would be a very good idea for a whumpee who's new to this to start with number 1, then gradually progress to 2 & 3 as time goes on. They should be the one to decide when the next step is made, and if/when they need to dial it back.

Other questions to ask yourself while plotting:

how mentally prepared is whumpee for worsening symptoms? what about caretaker? did either of them know it was coming?

how much of this heightened PTSD stress can your whumpee take before it becomes too much? how do they react when they do hit that tipping point?

if caretaker feels that whumpee is getting too distressed during practice even though they're not tapping out, would they call it off themself? Or would they ultimately leave that decision to whumpee?

based on the answer, how would whumpee feel about caretaker's decision? Relieved? Belittled? Betrayed?

does whumpee have any grounding tools they can use while practicing?

how does caretaker handle the mood swings and instability that come with whumpee's heightened PTSD? You should consider both their internal and external reactions on the matter.

how does whumpee prefer to decompress after a practice session? what things would help them calm down and recover?

how long do they need (hours or days) before the next attempt?

Even with all I've just written, there's far more to the resulting hightened state of PTSD than flashbacks and hypervigilance. PTSD symptoms that they're most likely to encounter in the background while doing deconditioning practice include:

Flinchiness, anxiety, panic attacks, nightmares, exhaustion, emotional mood swings, outbursts, crying spells, depression, executive dysfunction, dissociation, numbness, racing thoughts, freeze responses, tremors, inappetence, muscle tension, and heart palpitations.

Yes, usually many of them at once, even those that contradict. Your whumpee is going to have a LOT going on at once, and it is not going to be a fun time. I recommend looking up any of the above symptoms you don't recognize, and looking for whump inspiration in what you learn.

(Because everyone experiences PTSD episodes differently, there's a lot of wiggle room in which ones whumpee will encounter. Don't feel pressured to use all of them, find what you want to write and have fun with it!)

Thanks again for the incredible ask, anon. And again, I want to congratulate you on how spot-on your original ask was. You nailed it. I know this was a lot more than you asked for, but I hope this provides helpful context for your whump! My inbox will always be open if you think of anything more <3

[littlest-bugz]

The Collective You

[one system's brief advice about accepting the idea of the collective you]

One of the best pieces of system advice started from a tumblr post and was elaborated by my DID specialist. I can't find the original tumblr post that started it, so I'm making a little post of my own <3 Share the knowledge. and also hope that someone can link the original post lol.

When I was REALLY going through it™ with my first diagnosis w/ DID, and a lack of integration, all of my alters felt like separate individuals, some of us feeling as distanced as a coworker or a stranger altogether. We were just getting a grasp on internal communication between all of our subsystems, and it was rough. We felt so entirely differentiated that we were our own people trapped in one body. While I don't really care about what language you use, all alters in CDDs are a part of one person [there's only one body and brain]- the collective you.

So obvs, I'm scrolling tumblr like the chronically online doomscroller that I am, and I see this post that goes along the line of not knowing who you are, but knowing you are 'you', regardless of who you are [referring to alters]. And it said something like "we're all me enough to pick up our meds"- something like that. iirc it was a half light hearted, half advice post, but that was really good advice for me. I kind of internalized it after I processed it in therapy. It's actually why I have started to love parts language lately tbh.

After further processing this idea in therapy, Identity Confusion stopped mattering in the grand scheme of things. I focused less on worrying about who I was, and just focused on the fact that I'm me. Just like the post I saw- We are all me. The example of all being me enough to pick up my medications just applied, like, everywhere. Even when it came down to the smallest things- with coping with other symptoms too.

Oh? I don't like coffee right now? I guess I should switch to something else. [differentiated alters]

Oh? I have barely any drawing skills right now? Okay, really sucks but I can work on something else and come back to it later. [skill variance between alters]

Oh? I have to go to a doctor's appointment? I know I'll forget that- Gotta write a list, and put it up on the board so I remember. [day to day amnesia]

You know what happened? My dissociation got better! Not immediately or entirely, obviously, and my memory [re amnesia] still sucks, but that's part of the disorder- plus other disorders that I have. This idea of the collective you is something that I think is really beneficial to all CDD systems, especially during the mid to later stages of recovery.

I, admittedly, credit most of my healing to conversations I have had with my DID specialist. Especially since, without her, I wouldn't have been able to process this idea of the collective me further, but the conversation wouldn't have been started if I hadn't seen that post on tumblr. This was a budding concept with us due to the separation we had. It helped with integration. GRANTED... Not every alter got the memo, obviously, but It's something that I'm still working on. Of course, being me comes with the prerequisite that I am a person with DID, and that I am made up of multiple parts.

Now for the piece of advice I got from my therapist- Though it requires a certain level of knowledge of your own system, such as a list of alters and some identifying info [fav drinks, fav colors, those type of things]. Look at the list of your alters wherever it may be. Just whatever you use for logging your system members. Look for the commonalities between alters. There will be at least some commonalities.

For example; A good 45% of us like bunnies, 45% like cats, and 10% have a liking for other kinds of animals. Using this information, I can pretty much deduce that 1. the collective me loves animals and 2. the collective me likes cats and bunnies especially.

Another example; I looked through our simplyplural, which has a favorite color thing [in ours at least]. By looking through the list, I figured out 1. wow I like literally all colors- my fav color is rainbows and 2. I especially like pink and light blue.

More examples; the list.. THE LIST... I looked through it and saw that a good 90% of us like MONSTER ENERGY DRINKS- of varying flavors, but the common denominator was Ultra Strawberry Dreams, but all of us like [or tolerate] water as a preferred drink. From there I can come to the conclusion that I prefer water over anything else and that I have a problem with monster [being light hearted but I genuinely do].

I hope you get the idea I'm going for. I used this process for nearly every aspect of our collective identity, though some had to genuinely be voted on, such as our LGBTQIA+ labels [offline, we just call ourself queer, but that's.. aside the point LMAO].

Obviously, there are going to be outliers- Having DID comes with the fun [/s] aspect of alters being differentiated from each other in some capacity. Example for the monster energy one- We have a handful of alters that HATE energy drinks- even just fizzy drinks in general. There's one guy who will only drink Black Coffee and water- nothing else. He's the guy who is always hiding away our monsters in the way back of the fridge, but guess what!! He's me!! The part of me that doesn't want me to ruin my health over energy drinks. The part of me that knows I deserve better than my unhealthy habits.

Getting to know the collective you is just like learning about your system! It is not inherently different than figuring out what an alters dislikes or likes are. The idea of The Collective You shouldn't feel scary or anxiety inducing- if it is, you may want to confront those feelings with a therapist if you have access to one. Every CDD system is the collective [or, well, system] of one fragmented individual- That is a studied and objective fact. I wanted to give advice from one recovering system to another.

No, this will not work for everyone, every system is different, but I'm hoping this post finds the right audience in knowing that it's worth a shot to try this!

[ed-recoverry]

Please check out your local library!!

I volunteered at a library this summer where my main tasks were returning books and organizing. Here’s some common books I saw tons of in the library that you can get for free!

Cooking. So much cooking. All kinds of foods, dietary limitations, and cultural specific.

Crafts (sewing, crocheting, knitting, painting, decorating, pottery, drawing, and cross stitching are what I can remember just off the top of my head. So many)

ESL/learning English

Foreign language learning

Financial advice

So many “___ for idiots”

Destinations / countries

Mental health / disorders (and recovery)

Music (including sheet music)

Classics (the ones you see read in high school)

Test prep (including SAT, ACT, PSAT, ect)

Gardening / how to grow stuff

Pet care

Child care

Illness information / coping

Disability information / coping

Both specific and general historical topics (From just the history of America in general, the history of a certain group of people, to history of certain events, ect.)

Most hobbies.

Religion

How-to’s and guides

Audio books and movies are usually available in the hundreds. Popular books and movies are accessible.

It’s usually disability friendly and most are also offering free games and devices to borrow.

Most also have computers where if you are looking for a certain book, it will tell you where it is in the library or which nearby libraries do have that book.

Fiction books are also abundant and usually the genre is labeled on the spine.

Even if you don’t want to take a book out, you can sit there all day and just read a book. It’s a good, quiet place for those stuck in a chaotic situation. It usually has AC/heat, bathrooms, and water fountains too. As long as you’re not a snorer, no one really cares if you even take a nap.

Overall, I cannot recommend libraries enough. People really think why go when you have the internet, but it really has everything and an immediate option so you don’t have to search. And, once again, free!

Libraries, especially in more conservative areas, are getting less and less funding and more and more restriction on books with content regarding LGBTQ+, black history/authors, and safe sex. Donate to your local library. Visit. Check out what is there. There literally is no negative!!

[idea-explorer]

https://blognow.co.in/understanding-sewage-treatment-plants-key-functions-and-benefits

[betweenthenotes]

Its gonna be okay just remember that no matter what your trauma is, someone’s made a spotify playlist for it

[creature-wizard]

"I'm in a bad place and need to get out, what can I do?"

I figured I'd make a post with all the resources/tips I've collected to help people get out of shitty situations so far, since it's easier than linking to a bunch of posts each time.

Seek out appropriate resources. This can include support groups (online or offline), helplines, and the like.

If you're in the US, you can call 211 to help you find resources.

Crisis Text Line offers services to the US, Ireland, Canada, and the UK.

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is a US service offers a lot of information for sexual abuse survivors.

The Trevor Lifeline is a service for queer youth in the US.

If you're a minor, you may wish to read How To Escape Abusive Parents: A Guide For Minors.

If you're an adult, you may wish to read How To Escape Abusive Parents: A Guide For Adults.

You might search on Qwant for like something like "resources for people in abuse" or "abuse resources help" or "domestic violence survivors resources".

Ask people for help in finding resources. If you can't find anything on your own, there are other people who know where to direct you. It might take awhile to find what you're looking for, but keep asking.

A WORD OF CAUTION: there are many predatory spiritual groups and conspiracy theorists out there who prey on abuse survivors and mentally ill people. You will often see these people claiming that channeling or hypnosis can help you remember past life memories or repressed traumatic memories. This is nonsense and quackery.

Relevant posts of mine:

Hypnosis is unreliable for memory recovery, and this is one way we know.

False past life memories among the starseed movement

Here’s the trouble with hypnotic regression…

If you're on a website that claims to support cult survivors and you see any of these names in the citations (and make sure you check the citations!), leave immediately - all of these people are far right conspiracy theorists. (Unfortunately, many people today are unwittingly perpetuating the BS of Fritz Springmeier in particular. See this and this for more info on that.)

Change who and what you surround yourself with. Start associating with different people/groups as much as you can. Get hobbies to fill your time. Unfollow blogs that reinforce the beliefs you're trying to get away from, and follow blogs that provide a healthier alternative.

You might follow blogs like:

A Kind Place

Trauma Survivors Helping Trauma Survivors

Compassionate Reminders

Trauma Survivors Activities

Reasons For Hope

Bluest Fluff

If you're trying to rebuild your worldview without conspiratorial/culty elements, go take a look at my Resources page.

Remember that your first job is looking after yourself. You don't owe the group. You aren't responsible for the group, or for anyone in it. It might feel that way, but it's vitally important to acknowledge when you're unqualified or suffering burnout. You might feel like bad things will happen if you leave, but that's a fear, not a fact.

You also don't have to justify your departure to the group. You can just leave. If you feel that you must give a reason, you can offer something as simple as "I need to take some time to focus on my mental health" or "I'm really busy lately and don't have time to spend here." If they throw a fit over this, that's honestly just more proof that you need to get out.

If any practices the group taught you actually helped, you can keep doing them. If doing affirmations helped you, keep doing affirmations. If listening to so-called healing frequencies actually made you feel better, you don't have to stop listening to them. If you were practicing something like the Law of Assumption, you can carry on with a lot of that under a psychological model rather than Neville Goddard's wacky metaphysical model. (See this video for an example.) If it genuinely helps you and doesn't hurt anyone else, by all means, keep doing it.

You might look at my Manifestation Without Woo posts:

Manifestation Without Woo: Changing Your Brain

Manifestation Without Woo: People React To Your Projections, & Your Projections Affect Your Perceptions

Manifestation Without Woo: Setting Reasonable Goals

Manifestation Without Woo: Make It Fun!

Manifestation Without Woo: What If It's Not Working?

Get some critical thinking skills. In order to keep yourself from falling into another bad group, it's important to develop your critical thinking skills.

Learn to apply the Five W's (who, what, when, where, and why) when encountering any information.

Learn common logical fallacies.

Learn the difference between fact, opinion, belief, and prejudice.

Don't equate emotional reactions with some kind of innate or higher moral guidance.

Ask yourself if you're "thinking for yourself" or being led to believe you're thinking for yourself.

Know what emotional manipulation tactics look like.

Watch out for these behaviors in any new group you join.

Yes, there are ways to confirm the age of an old text without having the original text itself.

Learn how propaganda works.

Watch out for these red flags in spiritual groups.

And watch out for this red flag.

Understand that belief doesn't have to be binary.

So yeah, hopefully this'll give folks some actionable advice. I can't promise it's going to help each and every person out there, but hopefully it'll give a lot of you something that will help.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Struggling with self-compassion?

Recommended Reading:

Bluth, K. (2017). The Self-Compassion Workbook for Teens: Mindfulness and Compassion Skills to Overcome Self-Criticism and Embrace Who You Are. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

Brach, T. (2003) Radical Acceptance: Embracing your life with the heart of a Buddha. New York: Bantam.

Brach, T. (2020). Radical Compassion. NY: Penguin.

Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Desmond, T. (2015). Self-Compassion in Psychotherapy: Mindfulness-Based Practices for Healing and Transformation. Norton.

Germer, C. K. (2009). The mindful path to self-compassion: Freeing yourself from destructive thoughts and emotions. New York: Guilford Press.

Germer, C. K. & Neff, K. D. (2019). Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion program: A guide for professionals.  New York: Guilford Press.

Gilbert, P. (2009). The compassionate mind. London: Constable.

Hickman, S. (2021).  Self-Compassion for Dummies. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley.

Neff, K. D. & Germer, C. K (2018). The Mindful Self-Compassion workbook: A proven way to accept yourself, find inner strength, and thrive.  New York: Guilford Press.

Neff, K. D. (2021). Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. New York:  Harper Wave.

Neff, K. D. (2011).  Self-Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself.  New York:  William Morrow.

Pollak, S. (2019). Self-Compassion for Parents: Nurture your child by caring for yourself. New York: Guildford Press.

Shapiro, S. (2020).  Good Morning I Love You.  Boulder, Sounds True.

Silberstein-Tirch, L. (2019) How to Be Nice to Yourself: The Everyday Guide to Self Compassion. San Antonio, TX: Althea Press

CHILDREN’S BOOKS

Beltzner, E. (2019).  How to tame the tumbles:  The mindful and compassionate way.  Ontario: Mosaic Press.

Garcia, G. (2017). Listening with My Heart: A story of kindness and self-compassion. Gabi Garcia Books.

Marlowe, S. (2016). My new best friend. Summerville, MA: Wisdom Publications.

O’Leary, W.  (2023).  It’s OK: Being kind to yourself when things feel hard.  Bala Kids.

Source

[antisocialsharky]

When Safety Turns Into Danger

Safety, for most people, is an absence of violence.

Its a place, or a state of mind, where they don't have to be on guard, where they can relax and let all their walls fall down, where they arrive and feel like home.

Safety, to them, means not fearing for their life, not having to walk on eggshells, not waiting for the other shoe to drop, not having their freedom restricted, or their choices dictated and not being hurt in any way.

You'll see a variation of that wish for a safe space in every dating profile, every description of an ideal family, every mention of a perfect friendship and every idea of a place they could call home.

Its honestly a trait every human being shares to a degree...we all just want to feel safe.

But if thats true, then why do people stay in ab*sive situations? Why do they endure violence day in day out and return to it again and again? Why do they push away any attempts at help? Why do they continously seek out similar partners/friends after they made their escape from the first one?

Why does a tearfully uttered "never again", while staring at themselves in the bathroom mirror, turn into giving in one more time and/or provoking one more argument?

Why do people purposefully cause arguments, when they know those will tear them apart, poking at all their deeply hidden fears, breaking them apart from the inside?

Why do people, who are unbelievably scared of being alone, push everyone and everything away, the second they come too close?

Why do they spit on this supposed safety at every opportunity?

Its as easy, as its cruel: Violence has become their safety.

When all you've ever known is abandonment, you'll go out of your way to make sure people continue to do that to you.

When all you've ever known is cruelty, you'll go out of your way to make sure that people continue behaving that way towards you.

You'll invite the violence and the pain and you'll greet it like an old friend, because thats what it is. A friend, a comfort, your personal safety anchor that chains you to life.

One that tears you apart, leaves you sobbing on the kitchen floor and patching yourself up in the dark of the night, sure, but a friend nonetheless.

You can't handle the type of safety people are usually chasing. A partner/friend/family member that genuinely loves you, cares about your feelings, would never intentionally hurt you, would always be there to comfort you when you need it, would never make fun of you for your hobbies/clothes/thoughts and would never make you feel like your feelings and comfort are second to theirs...its not safe to someone like you. Its alien at best.

Safety like that is...dangerous.

Its an unknown, something you aren't prepared to handle, something you've never encountered before. You panic, because you don't know how to act, you don't know what to feel, you don't know how to do this.

Its a threat, because what if its a test, what if they're just trying to trick you into feeling safe, what if they're just waiting for your guard to drop so they can strike?

You don't go for the kind & lovely people. You go for the ones, that you're familiar with, be that emotionally unavailable, physically/emotionally violent, neglectful...or something else entirely.

You go for the people who behave in the same patterns you're oh so familiar with. Patterns that you know how to respond to.

I don't know how to react when someone caresses my cheek, smiles at me and softly tells me to talk to them about my feelings with genuine interest.

But I know how to poke at an already tense person until they explode and I know how to kick them away, run and hold my door closed while they try to break it down, threatening to k*ll me. I know how to scream for help and cry until someone calms them down and I know how to apologize for the poking, even though I only did it, because a quick erruption is safer than needing to walk on eggshells for hours and maybe not being able to escape before they catch me off guard.

I know how to deal with violent people. I know how to hide and make myself small, I know how to manipulate where the fist connects with my body and I know what will make them stop more quickly. I know how to get people to explode when they're tense and I know both, how to make myself the victim and how to make myself the villain.

I know how to calm them down, I know how to sweaten the deal and make up for it, I know how you balance that shit and when I'm in control like that, I feel safe.

But I don't know how to deal with people who are kind, people who don't lash out when they're angry, people who are genuinely vulnerable and want me to be as well, people who want to have long balanced conversations where they don't try to blame me, or themselves. I'm not in control in situations like that and I'm unfamiliar with it, so its unsafe and dangerous and I'll do anything I can to escalate it.

Its a relatively common thing among trauma survivors, that their definitions of safety and the things they can and are prepared to handle, differ a lot from what most people experience.

Someone whose life was dictated by someone else for years, may not feel safe when given the freedom of choice and ability to go wherever they want. Instead it may overwhelm them, they may panic and may believe, that this is just a farce and they'll get punished for their choice anyway.

Someone who was neglected and ignored their whole life, may not feel safe when confronted with someone who dotes on them with genuine care and concern. Instead it may scare and overwhelm them and they may question the motive and refuse to accept any of it.

Then again, theres of course also people who crave what they have been denied and may perceive any restriction regarding this craving, as unsafe and dangerous. Or they may crave it while still being unable to accept it, because it registers as dangerous in their brain.

Its deeply individual, but one thing seems to ring true: Your upbringing determines what you perceive as safe. Its either gonna be what you grow up with, or the opposite of it (or something complicated as fuck in between).

Many people struggle to ever feel truly safe around other people and may tend to lean into behaviors, that were benefitial to them before, as trying any new behavior is, like I previously mentioned, unfamiliar and unsafe.

This may lead to fucking up relationships with perfectly healthy partners, as they may not appreciate or understand the behavior and/or may not be able to deal with having their feelings hurt and boundaries ignored (which is a perfectly valid way to feel).

An accumulation of such instances contributes to the feeling of being broken, being unable to ever have a healthy relationship or change, being doomed, etc. and may cause tendencies to seek out relationships in which ones behaviors prove to be valuable again, thus feeding the cycle.

In the end you're choosing between "bad" and "worse".

One case is a familiar type of pain, someone who you know will abandon you and it'll hurt and you'll hate it and you won't trust them, but at least you're sort of prepared and you know what to do.

The other case is an unfamiliar type of pain, someone who you only suspect will abandon you, because everyone else has already done so before and it'll hurt and you'll hate it, because you'll suspect disappointment behind their every action and you're anticipating the pain that'll be there once they do leave. You're not really prepared and you don't trust them at all, but you'll naturally fight with yourself about having the littlest amount of hope and the thought & fear of that getting snuffed out is a new pain altogether.

You can't win. You're chasing for safety where there is none, the closest you get, is familiarity.

first postsed on my insta (same @)

[i-cast-teatus-deletus]

TW for a picture of a pretty gnarly almost-certainly-infected nipple graft.

I came across a handful of similar blog posts about taking care of someone post-surgery, but this one was by far the most informative. Most of them were, no offense, largely complaining about how difficult the day of surgery was for them (and, no offense, often due to their own lack of understanding and preparation for surgery day. That sort of thing is what this neuroticism is all about, making sure I am not stuck in a bad situation based on things I could have avoided had I thought clearly for 7 minutes at SOME point).

This one got me seriously thinking about getting a hotel room close to the surgical site, even though we don't live extremely far away. But the drive they are describing is nearly identical to the drive we would be experiencing and they did not have a great time.

This blog post also links to a resource for JP Drain care, which is always useful.