#Sherlock wouldn't understand and think of this

[starfruitsomething]

You are what you eat

so ig that makes sherlock penne pasta..

[gender-euphowrya]

it's really baffling to me that when i tell people i don't eat veggies they're like "THEN WHAT DO YOU EAT" like. do you not know about the other food groups. have you exclusively been eating carrots and leaves like a bugs bunny

[wordsarelife]

—mine

pairing: theo nott x fem!reader

summary: your’s and theo's relationship throughout the years

warnings: canon typical violence near the end, mentions of the war, blood and death

note: feel free to request stuff for the christmas calender!!

theo was startled by a sudden voice who called out his name, he turned around, the book he was about to push into the empty space still in his hand. 

"nott" you had muttered, arms crossed and the surprised expression on his face when he turned around had almost made you lose it. you quirked a brow at the missing reaction. "i guess you don't even know my name?" 

"sorry" theo winced and you could see how umcomfortable he was simply because he knew nothing about the person standing in front of him. 

"don't feel too bad" you shrugged. "didn't know yours until you borrowed my favorite book for four weeks and i had to beg madam pince to tell me the name of the person who had it" 

"well, sorry again" theo held the book in your direction. "you can have it now, if you still want it" 

you completely ignored the book, until theo sighed and put it back in the empty space on the shelf where it belonged. "guess not" he muttered to himself. 

"so, tell me, theodore nott" you followed him back to the table with his things. "what tempts a guy like you to borrow a book like that?" 

"well, without meaning to insult you, i'd say it is more male literature than female isn't it?"

"you're a moron if you really think something like female or male literature exists" you sat down in the chair across from him. "i wouldn't declare sherlock holmes as male literature, more precisely i would say that most boys are too daft to even understand half the things arthur conan doyle mentions and to your information i'm taking great insult to whatever the hell you just said"

"geez" theo's eyes had widened, he found you a bit odd, annoying even, but he couldn't help but feel all the same intrigued. "like what you just said isn't an insult. most boys are too daft, huh?" 

"maybe daft is a bit too harsh, i admit that" you rolled your eyes, a smile on your lips, "but i'd say most are too impatient to read those books, yes"

"well, you're not wrong about that" theo nodded "i can't remember the last time one of my friends touched a book that wasn't part of a class" 

"that's quiet sad, i'd say"

"i agree" theo smiled. "so, now that we're on the same page, do you mind telling me your name? i feel like i deserve to know it"

"no" you grinned just as the smile vanished from his face. "i decide when you deserve to know, theodore nott" you left him sitting there, speechless about the sudden rejection. 

you never actually told theo your name. he only found out when you managed to borrow the memoirs of sherlock holmes for two months straight. 

the next time that the two of you talked was a few months later, at the beginning of december. snow had fallen and the hogwarts grounds had turned into a beautiful white landscape. 

the snow was poudry, but you managed not to slip as you made your way through it. your body tightly wrapped in layers of clothing, the thick ravenclaw scarf almost reaching up to your eyes as the falling snow hit your face. 

"not the right weather for a stroll, is it?" theodore nott had caught up to you, not exactly spotting the right outfit for the wuthering cold. 

"well, i know there's a reason you're a slytherin and not a ravenclaw, but i would've expected you to be just a little smarter, nott" 

theo looked down on his clothes just as you did. "i was actually just going for a smoke"

"in the middle of a mild snowstorm?" you quirked a brow. "i'd say it's not the right weather to be doing that either"

"you're a real know-it-all" 

"tell me something new, nott" you rolled your eyes "it's exhausting to always be right, you know?"

"i bet it is" theo shrugged sarcastically. "there had to have been a reason you got sorted into ravenclaw"

"well, as said before, i can see why you weren't" you shrugged with a grin. 

theo sighed. "another dig at the outfit, really?" 

"well, considering you're standing here discussing with me and getting yourself wet, i'd say i'm allowed to keep judging your outfit" 

"fair point" theo nodded and you were surprised he gave up so easily. "are you coming or what?" he asked, ready to walk back inside.

"no" you shook your head "you go ahead though, wouldn't want you catching a cold, who would faint during potions then and entertain the rest of the class?"

"hey, that was one time" he called, as you walked away "how did you even hear about that, we're not in the same potions class?"

you just shrugged and send him a smile over your shoulder. he was standing in front of the doors to the castle, soaked from head to toe and you had to admit, theodore nott was a (beautiful) sight for sore eyes. 

it wasn't like you minded theo's company, but you noticed how he started hanging around the places you frequently visited during the weeks to come. 

theo had it especially easy when he realized that you stuck to your routines during the week, making it impossible for him to miss you once he had figured it out. 

monday and wednesdays after class were spent in the library, doing homework or reading a book from your list. tuesdays you helped madam pomfrey in the infirmary, healing minor injuries or filling up medicine cabinets. thursdays were reserved for your friends, playing card games or just spending time together in the common room, you always found something to do. 

fridays were flexible and you often decided what to do spontaneously. sometimes you did a little tutoring, on other fridays you helped madam pince sort through books and put them back where they belonged or you continued reading the book you had begun reading that week. saturdays and sundays were for remaining homework, hogsmeade visits and drafting letters to send back to your family on the start of the next week. 

"you're not being slick, you know that?"

it was a friday and you were putting away books, when theo kept lingering around you, like he had done that past week. 

"what?" he asked, looking up from the book in front of him, a confused tone to his voice, clearly trying to mask that he knew exactly what you were talking about.

"well, i was sure you knew stalking was considered a legal offence" you noted.

"stalking?" he repeated. "i'm not stalking you"

"now, you're not not stalking me, are you?" you send a tight-lipped smile in his direction. "i do admit that it might be a question of definition, though" 

"aren't you a bit full of yourself if you think i would be stalking you"

"that was offensive" you rolled your eyes "and i'm pretty sure i'm not imaging you turning up everywhere i went this past week. and considering i didn't know you until a few months ago, i'd say that you only started doing that recently"

"well, i didn't"

"okay, you didn't" your shrugged and turned back to the shelf, reaching for another row of books from the trolley beside you, before you pushed them in a row one after the other. 

theo furrowed his brows, surprised by you just letting him get away like that. he knew he wasn't being slick, hell, he even knew that he was behaving like a stalker. you weren't wrong in the slightest and theo felt a bit called out by your words. but on the other hand, you hadn't said anything about being opposed to the idea that he really did go everywhere you did.

you waved at him, before you pushed the trolley into the next row of shelves. it didn't take long for him to follow, already making a decision in his mind. 

"go out with me" 

if he had startled you, you didn't show it. you didn't even blink at his suggestion, rather ignoring him like he was a fly on the wall, as you continued reaching for books on the trolley.

theo pushed the trolley to the side and stepped into the empty space. the next time you tried to reach for a stack of books, you touched his chest instead. 

"you're still here, nott" you noted the obvious. 

theo had to admit that he was a tad bit unsettled by your ignorance. he wasn't sure if you really hadn't heard him or if you just ignored the question, because he had made you uncomfortable. 

"you know, normally stalkers don't look so scared" you smiled mischievously. 

"i'm not stalking you, but i can understand if my company made you uncomfortable and i apologize if i have gone too far"

"you're a bit weird, you know that?"

"this is a serious topic, y/n" 

you smiled at the honesty in his voice and sighed. "do you really think if you were making me uncomfortable or i was scared of you i would continue to speak to you?" 

"well, no—"

"i'm not a child, theodore nott, i can voice when i'm annoyed, but i respect your manners" you smiled "and if anyone follows me around like a lost puppy, i'm glad it's someone with at least a little intellect"

"little intellect?" theo repeated offended. 

"you might be smarter than i thought, but you're really bad at this" 

"i know" 

"well, would you now let me sort in the rest of these books? you're kind of in the way"

theo, nodded, the disappointment flashing over his features just like a wave of water. "i guess that's a no" 

you waited until he had stepped aside and pushed the trolley back in it's original position. your hands reached for the row of sherlock holmes books and you held them up at him like a trophy. "that means yes, obviously" 

theo spent exactly three days brainstroming what to do for your date. his friends tried their best at helping him, more than interested to finally hear something about the mysterious girl theo had been infuriated with these past weeks. 

"is she that hideous?" blaise asked on the third day of theo's hard thinking.

"what?" theo raised his brows, he had been too deep in thought to even hear his friend.

"blaise just asked if your girlfriend was hideous, i'd hit him if i were you" mattheo shrugged, stiring the pot. it had been a particular slow morning and he had to admit that it would be quiet entertaining to see blaise and theo fight each other. 

"five galleons on blaise" enzo added, before theo was able to say something. 

"have a little faith in him" pansy said next to theo. "he might not look like it, but the boy has a wicked right hook"

"this is just embarrassing" draco threw the newspaper down in front of him. 

"what?" pansy giggled "the newspaper or that theo and blaise are going to slap each other even more stupid"

"take a guess"

"guys" theo sighed, annoyance already taking over the worry that was bubbling inside him. "i'm not going to fight blaise and y/n is not my girlfriend"

"no yet" enzo wiggled his brows.

"y/n, huh?" mattheo said with a mischievous smile.

"oh god" all colour drained from theo's face. "please tell me the two of you didn't hook up with each other"

"close to it" mattheo shrugged. "she tended to my wounds in the infirmary once and i could tell she had the hots for me"

"wasn't she the one who said you had the charm of a troll and the brains to match?" blaise offered with a smirk.

enzo's mouth almost hit the table infront of him by how fast it flew open. "that was y/n?" he giggled.

theo had to smile. "that does sound like something she'd say"

"she sounds lovely" draco nodded sarcastically "but at least she never saw mattheo naked. that does make her at least a little likable"

"i already love her" pansy quickly said, before draco could continue his judging. "seems like she knows how to handle little annoyances" 

"i'm not a little annoyance"

"yeah" theo nodded "you're a quite big one, actually" 

theo couldn't tell what had led him to the idea for your date, but he had known in that moment what the both of you should do. 

"so hot chocolate was your huge idea?" you smiled as you sat down in the booth across from him, the server already putting down two mugs with steaming hot drinks in front of you. 

"i saw how your friends gave you their hot chocolate packages after dinner and figured this might be something you liked" he shrugged "and before you call me a stalker again, i'm just very attentive to those around me"

you giggled as the grandma at the table next to you send you a worried glance at theo's words.

"he's harmless" you laughed in a way to assure her. 

theo managed an awkward wave and the woman turned away quickly.

"well, it seems those around you are very attentive too" you giggled. 

"i'm sorry" theo tried to hide behind his mug, feeling a tad bit ashamed at the awkward encounter, but having to laugh at the same time. 

"don't be" you smiled honestly "rather tell me something i didn't already find out by snooping around"

"you snooped around?" theo exclaimed surprised. 

"i had to get even, after you found out everything about me" you shrugged "i met this lovely boy, i think he goes by the name enzo, who told me a whole lot about you"

"oh god, no" 

"quite interesting to hear about all those things from someone who has no interest in sleeping with me"

"what? i don't—“

"so you don't intend to sleep with me?" you smiled. "don't be ridiculous, theodore nott"

"i'm just not used to being this straightforward, admittedly"

you completely ignored the surprise swinging in his voice and went on with your story. "enzo did give me some exciting information and i wanted to talk about one thing in particular"

theo was ready to close his eyes and open them back up after you had screamed and left him sitting alone at the table. he had to admit that he wasn't particularly proud of his dating history (or lack of) before he met you and he was sure you weren't happy about that either. 

"before you say something" he interrupted you, before you were able to let the words slip past your lips. "i'm not like that anymore, i was young and not interested in a relationship and just wanted a bit of fun—"

"what are you talking about exactly?" you asked, a susprised smile on your face. 

"that wasn't what you wanted to talk about, was it?" theo asked and you shook your head giggling. 

"i mean, don't let me tell you what to talk about" you managed to say between your laughter. "we can talk about your previous hookups if that's something you'd like to discuss"

"i'd rather not" theo shook his head and his cheeks turned rosy. 

"fine" you smiled "now back to my question: how did you manage to play out that prank on professor binns in our third year?"

theo's features relaxed at the simple question and he smiled, recalling the memory. "so it all started with a ridiculous idea from mattheo and me getting roped into something stupid again"

you spent the rest of the night talking and ordering one hot chocolate after the other. there was not one second of awkward silence, even as theo brought you back to your common room. 

"i had a lot of fun tonight" theo smiled, hands sinking into the pockets of his trousers. 

you had admired how well dressed he was when he had come to get you in the afternoon. 

"me too" you said honestly. "i can't wait for the next one"

"so there will be a next one?" 

"don't be ridiculous, theodore nott" you smiled, before telling the password to the eagle ontop of the door. "of course there will a next one" you slipped into the common room and away from the smiling boy in front of it. 

"are they weirder than you?" 

the voice startled theo, as he was standing in front of the shelf in the library. he turned around, not surprised that it was you who had asked that question. you mostly started your conversations in the middle, without so much as a hello or some kind of warning. 

"what?" theo wasn't sure what else to ask.

"you friends of course" you shrugged, like that had been obvious "we've been together for a month and i've never even met them" 

"well, you have met them" theo corrected. "like in the hallways or during dinner" 

"you know what i mean, theodore" you rolled your eyes. "i don't think a grunting sound could be classified as me meeting someone"

"that's just blaise, honestly" theo muttered "but pansy waved to you during dinner more than three times now"

"theo" you pushed "either something is completely wrong with them or me and i'd like to know what it is, now" you sighed, before you added "just say if you're ashamed of me or something, i know i can be a bit rude to people i don't know"

"tesoro" theo sighed "i'm sorry that i let you think that. they're just annoying, that's all"

"and you thought they would scare me away?" you smiled, touching his cheeks with your hands. "you stalked me for weeks and i'm still dating you, aren't i?"

"that's never gonna be funny" he called after you, as you walked out of the library. "fine, breakfast at the slytherin table for you tomorrow" 

"aye, aye" 

"she's not hideous" was the first thing you heard when you sat down at the table the next morning. 

"well, you aren't either, zabini" you smiled, not even fazed by his assumption. "even though theo warned me about you" 

"burn!" enzo called, exchanging a high five with pansy. 

"i'm so glad we finally get to meet" pansy smiled. "i've just been waiting to have another girl around, it sometimes gets to much with all the testosterone"

"i don't know how you manage, honestly" you smiled.

to say theo's friends and you hit it off immediately would be an understatement. it took approximately ten minutes for you to become part of the group. enzo and you had been friends before, unlikely study partners, after you had helped him on a potions assignment once. pansy was ready to keep you by her side for the rest of the year and even blaise took a quick liking to you.

mattheo and draco were harder to break. mattheo, still having a pretty hurt ego about you turning him down the year before, was sure that you were just dating theo to get back at him for whatever reason and draco was just not interested to have any relationship past a simple hello and goodbye. 

you didn't mind their antics, even if theo repeatedly apologized for it. 

yours and theo’s relationship lasted for exactly two years. theo broke up with you one day after your anniversary.

the break up was painful, the fight that followed even more and still, you held him that evening, both of you understanding the severity of your situation and the war that was waiting to happen.

“theo” you cried, rushing through the ruins of the courtyard just months later. 

you had been on different sides after all. you had followed harry potter into the war and theo had been bound to his father and to the promise the man had given to the dark lord. just like draco, mattheo, pansy, blaise and enzo. 

your friends had gotten lost in the fight and despite not being supposed to, you were desperately screaming for them. 

you ran back into the castle, not having found theo outside. you send curses at the death eaters that tried approaching you, having more luck than an actual plan. you were simply determined to find him. 

you were thrown down to the ground as the doors of the room of requirement suddenly appeared and flew open. just as quickly as they had opened, they closed again, spitting out people in the procress, before the fire was tamed behind the doors. 

harry potter, hermione granger and ron weasley were standing up from the ground slowly, black powder darkening their cheeks and clothes. 

it took a moment for you to realize who the other two people were, as you quickly got up from the ground. 

draco was breathing just as heavily as blaise was, both trying to fill their lungs with air. 

“oh god” you mumbled, before you finally started moving, your legs guiding you into the direction of your friends, falling into their arms and pressing them close to you. “i’m sorry, i’m so sorry” you cried. 

blaise and draco held onto you just as tight, not being able to let you go as they cried into your hair.

“be honest, draco” you said when you broke the hug, completely ignoring the trio next to you. 

“theo” draco muttered, knowing what you were talking about immediately. blaise and him exchanged a look. 

“is he dead?” you asked, heartbreak already burning in your limbs and throat. you were ready to mourn, ready to lose your life just like him. he had died for the wrong cause, but you hoped, heart heavy in your chest, that death was more forgiving than his life had been. 

“we don’t know” blaise finally said. “we got seperated in the halls, theo—he was looking for you i think”

“i have to find him” you muttered, touching each hand of the boys in front of you. “stay safe” you kissed both of their cheeks, before you turned on your heel, running down the corridor opposite of where you had come from. 

“theo!” you called once more, running up the stairs and through various hallways, hopeless to ever receive an answer.

“y/n” a voice called and you almost crumbled from the surprise it reached you with. hope was hard to keep and you had thought, really thought, that he was dead. 

theo wasn’t dead, but close to it. he was laying on the ground, his back against the wall, while the rest of his body was bathing in his own blood. his cheeks were empty of any colour, lips dry and almost blue as he looked up at you with tired eyes. 

“oh god” you muttered in shock, slipping onto the ground beside him, your uniform soaking up the blood like it was water in the lake. your hands touched his chest and the big glass shard that was stuck inside of it. theo hissed in pain. “sorry, sorry” you whispered. 

“they surprised me as i came down the corridor” he explained. “i was looking for you”

“you found me now” you whispered once more. 

“i don’t think they meant to do this” sweat dripped from his forehead. “they were kids, not older than fourteen, but they left and they took my wand”

“oh god” you repeated as you shook your head, holding his face in your blood soaked hands and kissing his lips softly.

“i thought you were dead” tears slipped over his cheeks and you shook your head crying. 

“i’m gonna help you” you said quickly, before reaching for your wand and using it’s magic to extract the glass from theo’s body. he was winding on the ground, the pain probably unbearable. but you had to do this in order to help him. he would heal, he would survive and that was all that mattered to you in this moment. 

“i don’t want to fight” theo cried “not for them, not against you” 

“i know, my love, i know”

the healing had begun, slowly but surely his wound closed up, only leaving behind the blood around you and the worry on your face.

“come on” you said, as soon as he looked less pale. you took his hand and he followed you through the corridors of the castle, standing next to you when you had to fight death eaters, even beginning to send curses himself. 

“you don’t have to fight, theo” you called over the loudness of the fight. “confringo! i don’t want you to fight against him” 

“i’m not leaving you” theo called back, his voice nearly drowned out by the deatheater across from him, who was screaming curses and uttering threats about theo’s betrayal at the same time. “he doesn’t mean anything to me��

“what?” you send the deatheater flying against the wall, effectively knocking him out. your wand was now facing theo's death eater too.

“i don’t care for my father” theo said, before he too send the man flying. “i only care for you and your well being”

you made sure it was safe, before you pulled him in and kissed him so passionately that you almost forgot you had ever been apart. “don’t ever let me go again, theodore nott” 

“i wouldn’t dare, y/n l/n” 

you took his hand, walking back into the entrance hall, looking if you were needed anywhere. that’s when you saw them coming over the bridge. 

“he’s here” you said, pushing theo behind you if there was really anything you could do to save him. “he’s—“ you paused, as the both of you walked closer up behind the rows of people already standing in the courtyard.

“harry…?” your voice was quiet, as you adressed the boy you had put all your hope in. someone you hadn’t known well, not well enough to be on first name basis, but what did it matter now that he was. what was he?

“harry potter is dead!” voldemort announced loudly, while the deatheaters broke into laughter. 

ginny weasley dashed forward with a heartbreaking scream. “no! no!”

“stupid girl! harry potter is dead, from this day forth you put your faith in me” you looked down onto the ground in front of you and then back at theo, who looked like he was being painfully tortured by voldemorts words. he too had set his hope into harry.

“it’s done” you said softly. “the war is over”

“we lost”

“harry potter is dead!” voldemort repeated once more “and now is the time to declare youself. come forward and join us.. or die”

your ears were drenched out by the wailing sound in your head. it was loud that you missed everything neville said. you pressed your eyes close, wishing to be anywhere else. to be free from this destiny, but you knew you could never just leave. you wouldn’t be able to leave all these people behind. 

it was theo‘s voice that woke you from your half sleeping state. the word he muttered was foreign on his tongue, but ignited a flame inside of you immediately. 

“harry”

your eyes snapped open like a gun shot had rung through the air. but it wasn’t the sound of a gun. it was harry potter, who was running and firing spells at voldemort. you just had seconds to react, before the fight broke out again, no end in sight. 

you had never thought to be happy that a war continued.

but continuation meant that you hadn’t lost yet. there was a chance to win as long as harry potter was alive. 

when voldemort finally dies, it’s nothing like you ever imagined. he bursts into the air, pieces by pieces disappearing until only his wand is left. 

the deatheater in front of you let’s his wand fall to the ground and you don’t have any interest to finish the job as you sank into theo‘s arms. content is flashing through your body and immediate tiredness is dragging you down. theo holds you as all your weight crashes against him. 

you‘re tired of fighting and of war and death and fear. there is nothing in your head, apart from the thought that you will never have to endure all of that again.

theo and you went away after the war.

you travelled europe for a year, before you came back to hogwarts to finish the school year you were still missing. 

theo got a job at the ministry, you started working at hogwarts. he proposed to you the day that you signed the contract. 

your wedding was beautiful. pansy and luna were your bridesmaids. draco and mattheo were theo‘s groomsmen. all of your friends were there. you had even invited the golden trio, it was only thanks to them that the both of you were still alive and able to celebrate your connection.

“you lost your bow again, robin!” theo picked up the little pink bow and clipped it to his suit, knowing that your daughter was way too busy to even hear him call for her. 

“maybe you should just give up” you suggested, picking up luke who was softly hitting your leg, seemingly tired of walking. 

“but she looks so cute with it!” theo protested, the disappointment sipping from his voice as he pushed the trolley through the wall. 

“it‘s no use if she always loses them” you shrugged. “what is it? like the tenth one you’ve gotten her in the past month alone? just wait until she’s older, love”

theo sighed, but nodded at your suggestion. 

“grace, robin” you called, looking around the people in front of you to spot your girls. 

“well, lucky you’ve got me” mattheo popped up next to you, robin in his arms, as he threw a wink in your direction. 

“why are you even here, mate?” theo asked annoyed “you didn’t have any children the last time i checked”

“well, theres still a few women we’re not a hundred percent sure about yet” pansy joked as she appeared in front of you. “hey sweetheart” she kissed your cheek, before she took luke out of your arms. 

“haha” mattheo rolled his eyes. “i was just accompanying my nieces and nephew’s like a good godfather and uncle should do”

“nope” theo shook his head. “you’re still not grace’s godfather, one daughter of mine has to be enough, riddle” 

“yeah, yeah” mattheo shook his head, clearly not caring about anything theo said “we’ll get there eventually”

“no, we won’t, that’s the point—“ 

“hello nott” blaise greeted, draco following, scorpius and grace behind him. you sighed in relief, glad you daughter had not gotten lost.

“blaise” theo nodded, while you went around the trolley, hugging both men. 

“amazing style choice” blaise pointed against his chest and theo's eyes fell down on his own chest, having completely forgotten about the bow he had pinned there. “looks great on you, mate”

“it’s robin’s”

“sure, keep telling yourself that” blaise said with a sarcastic smile “i heard denial is a river in egypt, y/n”

you giggled, but promptly stopped when theo elbowed you. “you’re my wife. mine” he muttered between clenched teeth, but clearly joking. 

draco took a look on his watch. “there are places we have to be, aren’t there?” he set a hand on both scorpius’ and grace’s shoulder, who were talking to each other excitedly.

“of course” you nodded, following your friends to the platform and hugging your daughter so close, as if that might make her leaving a little less hard. “stay with scorpius, sweetheart. stick together, the both of you” you advised. 

“i think isaac was trying to safe a department for the three of you” blaise told you daughter, who smiled gratefully. 

“yes, mum” grace nodded, before you swapped places with theo, who was already crying. 

“write to me every week, honey!” he declared. “stay far away from professor trewlaney and close to your mother as soon as she’s back at work”

“theo” you shook your head “she should have space to develop” you watched grace and scorpius board the train, waving as it slowly left the station.

“i’ve seen people develop at hogwarts!” he shook his head “it lead to a pregnancy in your case, tesoro”

blaise and draco choked on their spit simultaneously.

“that was after i became a teacher and you know it, dear husband”

mattheo held robin away from him, to take her in fully. “were you made there too?” he muttered, more to himself than anyone in particular.

“mattheo!” draco, pansy and you scolded loudly. 

“hey guys!” enzo appeared behind you suddenly, startling all of you. “oh no, they’re already off, aren’t they?” 

you nodded sadly, feeling sorry for the poor bloke who couldn’t arrive on time if his life depended on it.

“half an hour too late” draco exclaimed with a look at his watch. “as always”

“well you know the traffic is being a bitch” enzo slapped a hand to his mouth, before he took a quick look at evie next to him. “sorry, love. well everything’s been a b-word since jacky started forcing me to use muggle transportation.”

“i do not envy you one bit” mattheo shrugged.

“well, evie” enzo shrugged “the train is gone, but i hear that the weasleys have this super cool car, that—“

“no!” you shook your head, taking the little girls hand in yours. “i’ll take her!” 

“so get-together at yours or what, nott?” mattheo asked “gonna have to know which of your kids were conceived in hogwarts” 

“mattheo!” all of you scolded at the same time.

[momo-minomo]

Fic Fairy Friday: Civilian Tim Giving The Batfam Heart Attacks

I know, I know, this week's theme is weirdly specific but I was originally going to theme this 'Tim Joins The Batfamily Early' but like half of the ones I wanted to rec has him joining them late but fit the vibes I wanted so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

BTW: Consider this a general TRIGGER WARNING. Jack and Janet Drake in the comics are, at best, neglectful parents and at worst vaguely emotionally abusive and physically threatening but no actual physical abuse. If the fic makes them more abusive than this canon baseline I will add a trigger warning. Feel free to let me know if you think I need to add an extra warning for something!

The Fic Fairy Friday Masterpost

Puzzles Made of Broken Glass by thatcuriouscat

Summary:

Sherlock Holmes retreats to his Mind Palace to think, to problem-solve. Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, reportedly. 9-and-five-sixths-year-old Tim Drake has his Blanket Fortress. Timmy Drake’s parents go missing. He’s the only one who notices.

Momo's Notes: I usually prefer to only rec fics that are complete but I occasionally make an exception for one that's exceptionally good and still regularly updating. thatcuriouscat is one of those authors that knocks it out of the park every single time and the characterizations are perfection so this fic is a must read. Tim's parents go missing so Detective Drake starts investigating even as his entire life, precarious emotional stability, and distressing lack of self-preservation is crumbling down around his ears. I love fics where Tim and Robin!Jason meet and become friends and the chapter where Tim and Dick meet had me squealing and kicking my feet.

One Smart Magpie by Marbles_and_Sweetpeas

Summary:

Tim Drake likes to think he's your typical 12 year old. Well, except for the sneaking around at night and doing detective work. And figuring out the Bats' identity. But that's it. Really. Except everything seems to be spiraling out of his control. Something serious is going on in Gotham, and Tim might be the only one who can put all the pieces together in time to stop it. Or: Tim is a crazy little detective who just wants to help in any way he can. Of course the Bats are going to adopt him.

Momo's Notes: Another fic for baby detective Timmy and joining the batfamily early! Tim is wandering around Gotham at night knowing the usual secrets he shouldn't know but also running his own investigations. He's trying to figure out the mysterious happenings in the city at the same time Jason, Dick, and Bruce are aggressively trying to adopt this sweet kid with zero self-preservation instincts or supervision. Timmy is seriously badass during this one while still being a kid overwhelmed with being in way over his head.

Holy security breach, Batman! by destiny919

Summary:

Janet finally shoos him away towards the hors d'oeuvres or drinks table with the tacit understanding that she doesn't want to see him again until the end of the gala. And probably not even then, it wouldn't be the first time the Drakes forgot to take him home with them and Tim had to discreetly call an Uber before the host noticed and made Tim embarrass his parents. For this gala, however, he almost hopes they forget him again, because tonight Tim has a plan. They're at Wayne Manor, and Tim is going to find the Batcave.

Momo's Notes: Short and sweet! Precocious 8 year old Tim decides to put his detective hat on while at a Wayne gala and manages to find and sneak into the batcave. Cue the distressed bat and bird noises!

A Brief Interview by Miss_Lazy_Tuesday

Summary:

When Damian finds a small child with an expensive camera on a rooftop in the middle of Gotham, he decides to follow in his father’s footsteps and take the boy home. After all, why should Bruce be the only one who gets to add to the family? Damian and Tim age swap fluff.

Momo's Notes: Short but hilarious. A version of a "Tim Joins The Batfamily Late" trope where he's the 8 year old fanboy to Damian's 14 year old Robin. Damian decides he's had enough of being the baby of the family and proves he's his father's son by picking up a new little brother while on patrol and bringing him home with no warning to the rest of the household. The others will surely marvel at his generosity and brilliance. Tim is mildly alarmed but mostly starstruck.

Boom, Boom, Pow! by LilaVaporizer9000

Summary:

If anyone asked the Batfamily which Robin had the funniest ’joining the family’ story? Well, everyone would start with, “Well it seemed like Jason had the spot taken for good after having the audacity to try and jack the Batmobile’s tires and hit Bruce with his tire iron.” And then they’d say, “But then tiny Tim decided to try and steal the whole thing.” Or: When Tim is 11 he figures it’s not hurting anyone if he. Ya know. Takes a picture in the Batmobile. But then the power goes to his head and all of a sudden he’s hacking the Batmobile and tearing through Gotham on a rescue mission.

Momo's Notes: Gearhead baby Timmy takes the Batmobile on a joyride and the Batfamily was never the same. Dick and Jason's budding rivalry has delightful Wayne Family Adventures vibes. If you've read WFA you'll know the chapter I'm referring to when you get to those scenes lol. They are such total goobers. Bonus points for the author including a link to a playlist they made for Tim's cringe car music. I love it when authors include a fanmix for the story.

bitty batty baby vigilante crew by deargalileo

Summary:

There were two kids up on the roof. They couldn’t have been older than ten, but frankly, they looked like babies. The boy had dark hair and a red jacket, while the girl was dressed in all purple with blond hair poking out from under her hood. Jason was pushing himself over the ledge before he could really think about it. What were two kids doing on a rooftop, in the middle of the night, in Gotham? the story of two kids conning their way across gotham, and (mostly) inadvertently into the batman family.

Momo's Notes: There aren't nearly enough stories of tiny Timmy meeting Stephanie early. The chaos and shenanigans those two get up to as teens are legendary. I don't know if Jason's nerves can handle them as kids with WAY more recklessness and distrust of authority.

Surveillance by smilebackwards

Summary:

Tim knows antagonizing Lex Luthor wasn’t exactly his safest move but the point is really driven home by the bullet to the shoulder. Or: The AU where Jason never died and Tim is a civilian who contributes to crime fighting by taking surveillance photos and leaving them on the desktop of the Batcomputer.

Momo's Notes: Here's an awesome 'Tim Joins The Batfamily Late' trope fic! His casual disdain for dangerous rogues who'd happily squash him like a bug combined with his careless disregard for his own health make for an especially stressed Batfam, especially Bruce and Jason. This one is actually part of a series and has TimKon! Score!

Northern Attitude (I Was Raised on Little Light) by theskeptileptic

Summary:

It's not Tim's fault Batman slept with his mom sixteen years ago, or Tim's fault that Bruce Wayne regrets signing away his parental rights fifteen years ago, but Jack Drake sure thinks it is. Now Damian is bugging him about cows and family and Jason and Dick won't stop kidnapping him and Bruce is acting like court orders don't matter, like he doesn't have a huge bat-shaped secret to protect from literally the whole freaking world. Why is Tim the only functioning adult in this situation? This was supposed to be coated in angst, but it fell in the fluff bucket instead. (So, update, some people are saying this may not be as fluffy as I am advertising it. I plead the 5th.)

Momo's Notes: TRIGGER WARNING for incredibly abusive Drakes here. That "fluff bucket" claim in the summary is definitely false advertising. This story is really good tho with some quality Tim and Damian bonding! The number of stress and panic induced heart attacks Tim gives the Batfam in this one is truly off the charts lol.

cards on the table by wesslan

Summary:

Tim's parents faked their deaths and fled the country years ago, but neglected to take him with them. He spent some time on the streets, and now at 16, he makes a living as a fortune teller, stalking and hustling the shit out of Gotham's elite by telling them eerily accurate fortunes based on the information he gathers about them. His life is peculiar but he wouldn't change a thing. When he gets booked for the big Wayne Halloween party, however, he finds himself getting all tangled up with the Waynes, and the more fortunes he tells, the tighter the snare becomes. or: Tim just wanted to scam Gotham's elite, not end up on the Batfamily's watchlist. But it seems they just won't leave him alone..

Momo's Notes: Another 'Tim Joins The Batfamily Late' fic! Despite Young Justice not appearing at all in this fic it still gives me the YJ98 vibes with all the insane plans and shenanigans Tim has up in the air, here. He's stalking half of Gotham's rich, famous, and dangerous so he can scam them all into thinking he's a legit psychic.

Latchkey by goldkirk

Summary:

or, How Tim Drake Found A Family, Became A Photojournalist, Learned To Love Coffee, and Grew Up, not necessarily in that order. Tim Drake is thirteen, runs the famous BatWatch blog that has spiraled hilariously out of control, has absentee parents that suit his purposes just fine, is training himself to run the streets at night, and is doing absolutely peachy, thank you. Alfred and Jason disagree, and get Dick and Bruce involved in figuring out their weird nextdoor neighbor kid’s life. Everything goes uphill from there.

Settle Our Bones by motleyfam, justbeyondstars, batmoniker

Summary:

Tim is good at galas. No, scratch that—Tim is great at galas. He’s been attending them ever since the age of three, when his parents first stuffed him into his little Gymboree tuxedo and gave him a stern lecture about ‘sitting quietly’ and ‘speaking when spoken to.’ He knows all the rules: what to wear, how to stand, when to smile, what to say, what not to say. He knows how to come across as polite and intelligent and charming, and on absolutely any other day, he would be rocking this. --- Or, my take on a ‘Tim Joins the Family Early’ AU, told through a series of sleepovers, most of which are unplanned. Featuring pre-teen Tim, Alive!Jason, and a whole lot of hurt/comfort.

Momo's Notes: The chances you haven't already read Latchkey and Settle Our Bones is slim if you're a Tim Drake fan but they are classics within the 'Tim Drake Joins The Batfamily Early' trope for a damn good reason so I had to include them on the off chance someone hasn't run across these amazing fics yet! TRIGGER WARNINGS for abusive Drakes! Also both of these series do a great job of depicting trauma recovery but that can also be triggering for some people so be careful.

PLAYLIST

Tim Drake Joins the Batfamily Early AU Spotify Playlist

[helloliriels]

"You're not dying ... you never were."

.

John had just finished placing a kiss on the neck of the gorgeous nurse whose bed he had shared last night ... when the man - Sherlock - spoke.

The silence that followed made John's ears ring ...

What did he mean ...? ... not dying?

Of course he was dying, the doctors had said so-

He looked down into the blue eyes that begged for understanding ... at the pale skin beneath him; soft and warm and pliable, like it was last night ... and felt the colour drain from his own face.

Had the doctors themselves, actually said so?

John pulled back, steel in his eyes. "Come again?" He asked, beginning to hyperventilate, and begging for the next words Sherlock was going to say, to make some sense ...

"I lied," the man swallowed, making his Adam's apple bob beneath John's gaze. "You aren't dying. You aren't even ill. Well ... not with anything serious. You-"

Now the tips of John's ears burned, and he tore the sheets off, hauling himself from the bed.

The last few weeks had been a whirlwind romance between the two of them. John, diagnosed with a stage four cancer that was inoperable, and Sherlock giving him the time of his life in return.

The room around him was spinning. He had to be joking. Or John was dreaming? Was he having a nightmare? He was-

"John, it's okay! I can explai-"

"NO!"

"You were so depressed, so close to giving in to suicidal thoughts-"

"SHUT UP!"

"I thought if you had to face a real threat you would want to live! and-"

"I SAID STOP TALKING!"

John bit back a million words that wanted to follow that statement, his fists clenched at his sides even as he tried to count to ten, thinking:

. Was I a pity fuck?

. Was this fun for you, Sherlock?

. Watching me suffer and play out my "last few days" with abandon - knowing full well the whole time it wasn't real ...? Knowing you could send me back to my dismal life whenever you tired of me? Which apparently lasted the entirety of a week?

His anguish had to be written all over his face. But instead of opening himself up further for ridicule to a man who had just taken him for a fool for two weeks ... he just glared at ...

At the man he realised, ruefully ... he had fallen in love with ... ?

The feeling of sickness that rose in his stomach, was more than the diagnoses of death had given him just two weeks previous.

Sherlock, to his credit, obeyed John's order for silence. A small miracle in and of itself. The man would outlive god, getting the last word in edgewise.

Instead, he was looking at John as if he was embarrassed, and anxious, and guilty ... all the things he should look!

But then he would? Wouldn't he? If he was a pathological liar.

"Just tell me one thing." John seethed. Nostrils flaring as he put on his pants and shirt, and went to grab for his jeans on the bed.

"Anything, John - please?" Sherlock leaned towards him, reaching for the jeans at the same time. But John pulled them out of his grasp and tugged the denim onto his unwilling legs as he at last stood;

"... Did you ever even like me?"

He needed to hear at least that?

Didn't he deserve to know?

But Sherlock merely blinked. And blinked. And gaped.

John nodded acknowledging that he was not going to get an answer, threw on his shoes and his jacket ... and left the flat with a slam of the door.

So much for the nurse who had turned his life around, only to turn it into hell.

@johnlocky @chinike @rhasima @totallysilvergirl @friday411 @ghostofnuggetspast @fluffbyday-smutbynight @calaisreno @discordantwords @arwamachine @a-victorian-girl @lisbeth-kk @johnlocked-swiftie @7-percent @scrub456 @jobooksncoffee @amyreadsandstresses @sgam76 @janetm74 @kettykika78 @khorazir @dragonnan @kabubsmagga @whatnext2020 @superhollykat @safedistancefrombeingsmart @peanitbear @raina-at @inevitably-johnlocked @stellacartography @thalialunacy @thetimemoves @thegildedbee @solarmama-plantsareneat @missdeliadili @enterthetadpole @forfucksakejohn @onesmallfamily @glows-n-the-dark @i-call-me-clarence @meetinginsamarra @hasenkind687 @gaylilsherlock @jawnn-watson @marta-bee @sarahthecoat @the-reading-lemon @naefelldaurk @impalaparkedat221b @aquilea-of-the-lonely-mountain

[tam--lin]

"I can feel myself lagging and so I will be lying down to perform a twenty-one minute Power Nap. I expect I will have this case solved shortly upon waking."

"Watson, this meal has absolutely NO fat. My brain is WILTING."

Scenes frequently revolve around greasy spoon diners (or the era-appropriate equivalent), as they are open at all hours and provide the required combo of carbs, fats, protein, and relaxed attitude to eccentrics who take a ten minute nap with their head on the table between dinner and desert.

There is a nest of blankets, noise-canceling earplugs, and eye masks in the corner of the precinct office. If anyone asks, they just get an amused eye roll and "oh, you know. Sherlock" in response.

a Sherlock Holmes adaptation where Sherlock has decided he must be Fed and Rested for his marvelous brain to work well, and so he obsessively optimizes his naps and food intake.

[thehumantrampoline]

Everybody's always talking about how hard it is to write "geniuses" when you're not one. But geniuses aren't hard if you're talking about the logical chessmaster tactician kind, or even the intuitive kind. Those types are characterized mostly by always thinking "ten moves ahead" or whatever, or understanding things at a glance that others wouldn't notice.

But you're the writer. You know ALL the moves in advance, presumably, or you can anyway (harder to write a genius without an outline) and you already understand how your world works, you don't have to intuit anything. You get to slip the cheat sheet to your genius. You don't have to work from beginning to end like geniuses do, you just have to solve the maze backward. This is always the easiest way to write mysteries or conspiracies, and also Sherlock Holmes style deductions: determine the answer, and then come up with ways somebody would get to that answer. It's easy for your genius to plan for every eventuality when you control the eventualities, or can go back and write their plan for them in on the edits. "Genius" is a concept created by their ability to adapt to or control the circumstances, and you're the one writing the circumstances.

Geniuses are easy. SPECIALISTS, though. Specialists will have you with ten wikipedia tabs open watching your fifth video essay on relativistic physics and crying.

[fruitviking]

I'm a bit annoyed about the wasted potential of the Sherlock & Daughter finale, so here is my pitch for:

Surprise! Sherlock Holmes Has A Secret Daughter (Kind Of)

A young woman arrives at 221b claiming to be a client. She's alone, in her late teens/early 20s, and looking for her missing father.

Holmes can tell that she's lying. After some discussion where he states, calmly and frankly, that he cannot help her if she won't be honest with him, the truth comes out.

The girl - let's call her Violet, why not - believes that her father is Sherlock Holmes. She's absolutely convinced of it, in fact.

It turns out that her mother used to read the stories from The Strand to her, claiming they were her father's adventures. If Violet ever asked why Mr Holmes couldn't be with them, well, "He lives a very dangerous life, darling. He has to stay away for our own safety..."

Anyway. Violet's mother is now dead, and she's come to find her father and tell him.

Of course, Holmes isn't actually her father. Violet's mother lied. She never even met Holmes, let alone got pregnant by him. Violet has been lied to her entire life.

Violet is in great distress, and for a long time she refuses to believe it. Why would her mother lie like that? What is the truth? If Holmes isn't her father, who is?

Holmes - and Watson, of course - agree to help her solve the mystery of her parentage, because they also feel there must have been a reason for her mother to pick Holmes specifically as Violet's "real" father. Once Holmes understands that Violet doesn't really want anything else from him, just the truth, their uneasy alliance begins to develop into a real - if somewhat unlikely - friendship.

As they work the case, some hard truths come to light. Violet's opinion of her mother changes; she begins to understand her in new ways, and wishes they could reconcile, though sadly that opportunity is now past.

Violet's mother was trapped in a loveless marriage to a notorious criminal. While pregnant, she ran away, and managed to eventually build a life for herself and her daughter that was, yes, humble, but entirely theirs. She never confessed who that man was, but spun the tale of Sherlock Holmes as Violet's father to keep her safe. If Violet ever sought him out, she would go directly to a good man who could protect and help her.

However, in asking after Violet's father and investigating events that occurred around the time when her mother made her bid for freedom, they gain the attention of That Man. He doesn't like the questions being asked about him. He has them followed. He watches them, watches Violet, and thinks that maybe he's entitled to knowing his child after all this time. Maybe her mother had no right to keep her from him. Maybe he ought to take her back.

The story would have a suitably dramatic climax which culminates in Holmes admitting he has come to care for Violet, but he wouldn't do it under duress or because he feels he has to take responsibility for her. He wants to. He and Watson both respect her intelligence and skills, and they make sure she is able to carve out a place in the world as a free woman, like her mother before her.

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Soooo, I have a small angsty ask if you’re up for it, how would RO’s react if mc flinched when they make a sudden movement while in an argument?

Ooh drama!

Cassandra: Wide eyed and freezes mid sentence, lowers her voice IMMEDIATELY and apologies. She feels awful because she knows that she gets scary when she is mad, she has learned to be after being surrounded by military men all her life. She never wants MC to think she would ever raise a hand to them in anger (...I mean unless MC cheated on her, then it is a 50/50 coin toss if she puts hands on them). Otherwise though, the fight would end right there and then. If the fight wasn't over anything major she would calm down and make sure MC is okay. If the fight was over something big then she would walk away to calm herself.

Valeria: She also jumps back with MC and quickly asks them genuinely what was wrong? She wouldn't get it herself, being raised in a loving home and having a sheltered life; but that doesn't mean she wouldn't me sympathetic. No matter how mad she might be, Valeria will always be the first to offer help to others. She would sit down and hold MC until they are okay, even if she can't really imagine why MC could ever fathomly think she would hit them.

Tomás: Just stab him in the heart why don't you? Throw him off the roof, shoot him in the head, and beat him with a metal club because all of that would honestly be kinder than ever making him realize MC could ever be afraid of him that way. Honest to God, this man would sooner CUT OFF his own hand than have you EVER think that he would do that to you. The look in his eyes in that moment? AGH, it hurts me to even imagine it! He would be so heartbroken and shocked. Whatever you guys were arguing about, (again, unless it was about cheating... if you ever cheat on Tomás (first of all, how dare you?) he wouldn't hit you but he wouldn't really feel the same about you being scared of him, as he is right now.) consider it forgotten. He will spend the next week apologizing and practically punishing himself for making you feel threatened.

-

Ludovica: Oh, she gets it. Believe me, she would get this better than anyone. Nobody else could possibly relate more than her, she would hardly ever be so mad at MC that she would yell but if MC ever thought she would do such a think for a moment would still her to a statue. Her eyes wouldn't judge though, no. Her eyes would be full of understanding of what pain and trauma results in such a reflex, she would calmly tell MC "Please believe me when I say this... I would never, ever, raise a hand to you; my love."

Aurelio: Bro stills to a halt and has to Sherlock Holmes style analyze what the actual fuck, just happened. Did you just think...? That he would ever, do that to you? He is honestly more hurt as a result of that reaction; that you would ever, for even a fraction of a second, think he is such a brute. Such a monster, to raise his hand to you. He struggles with being a good man, he really does; but to think you think so little of him in terms of morality? He might tear up just a tad, depending on how much he has opened up to MC about himself. Regardless if MC intended to do so or not, he would walk away and honestly be upset with MC for a good while about this.

Elio: Does not get it sadly, he quickly puts it together that you though he would hit you; but he doesn't get why. He will tell you just as much. "I was just gesturing, why did you flinch?" Absolutely will not drop this subject till you explain it to him, "Did you think I would hit you? Have I ever done so before? Then why did you think I would hit you now? I obviously would not. It was a reflex? A reflex is an involuntary response to a stimulus. I raised my hand and that make you flinch? That would suggest a logical stimuli, I have gestured to you before. I have pointed to things before, I have patted your head before, you never did this before. Why are you doing it now?" He is low key pressed over this, he hides it by trying to appear confused or curious but in reality he is upset because he does not understand. He NEEDS to know why you did that, so he can never do it again. If you get mad over the questions he will surprisingly get mad too, it is jarring because he almost never gets mad. He is upset by this new information and he must understand, you must help him understand.

[jokingmisfit]

I think the funniest thing to happen with me and this website is that when I joined way back when I told myself I would watch Supernatural, Sherlock, or Doctor Who out of spite for how much they consume this website. I told myself that I wasn't going to be persuaded into watching them, that the fanart and memes would do nothing. That being said I started watched Supernatural a few years back because of a destiel comic I wanted to understand better, then I watched Sherlock because of video essay someone wrote on how he represents autism, and now I'm watching Doctor Who because of a fanfic that crossed my page that I couldn't stop myself from reading. Honestly, I don't know why I told myself I wouldn't watch these shows(they're all so good), but I think it's hilarious that despite my best efforts, I am in fact a contributor to these fandoms now. And I completely blame Tumblr.

[kaliforniahigh]

But it would've been fun. If you would've been the one - jolly karlsson (part. 2)

It's finally out!!!! This is the part 2 to this Jolly imagine that I wrote.

Warnings: angst, a wedding, reader smokes a blunt, Jolly is insecure, a long dialogue and a happy ending after all <3 I also know nothing about weddings or if Bryan has a partner or not LOL

WC: 5k

Requests are closed for now.

The invitation came in the mail a few weeks after the fallout.

Bryan & Cecilia

Request the pleasure of your company at the ceremony of their wedding.

You stared at the beautiful invitation in your hands like you've been doing in the past couple of days since Bryan dropped it off himself at your house, wondering what you were supposed to do now. That day, you had a conversation with him that you haven't been able to get out of your head.

"I know things have been rocky with Jolly. I don't know why because he refuses to tell us. But I just wanted to let you know that everyone misses you, and I'd really like for you to be at my wedding", Bryan told you. So Jolly refused to tell them what happened?

Before you could think about it, the people pleaser inside of you answered before your brain could catch up with the words coming out of your mouth.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Bryan. Don't worry, I'll be there", you gave him a reassuring smile and he hugged you before leaving, telling you he was rushing to the fitting of his suit.

Realistically, you knew you'd have to attend the wedding regardless. Your friends meant a lot to you and you wouldn't miss this moment because of your fight with Jolly.

But you wish you had given yourself a little more time to think it over.

You told yourself you could avoid him, that you didn't have to speak to him. But how could you when your people were the same as his people? Would Bryan's fiancée sit you at the same table as them at the party? What would you do then?

Before you could spiral any longer, your phone vibrated beside you on the couch, signaling a new text message. You smiled when you saw it was from Folio.

Drummer Boy: You coming to Bryan's wedding, right?

You started typing your response when another text came through.

Drummer Boy: Jolly's been asking since Bryan started handing out the invitations.

Your smile faded immediately.

You: I'm going, but you can tell him I'm not.

You know it was petty, but you couldn't stand his audacity. Asking about you to his friends like he gave two shits about you being there or not. He probably wanted to know so he could bring his other girl peacefully.

Drummer Boy: I think we need to talk about whatever happened.

You: Do we really?

Drummer Boy: Yes, I want to know why the hell it's been weeks since you came over.

And why you make up an excuse everytime I invite you over.

And that's how you found yourself sitting in a café, trying to explain to Folio your situation with Jolly.

"So, you two have been fucking this whole time?", he asks. You gotta give it to him, he always liked to be plain and simple.

"Yep"

"And you got angry because you caught feeling and he didn't?"

You gave him a pointed look, as if to tell him to watch his words.

"It was not only that. I understand that he never promised me anything. It's just that it all became so cheap overtime", you took a sip from your steaming mug that was warming your hands. "Why did Bryan choose such a cold time of the year to get married? What am I supposed to wear? A fucking puffer jacket?", you observed, getting a little sidetracked.

"I don't know, I'll wear a suit", he shrugged his shoulders. "Don't try to get off-topic"

"Yeah, I mean, we never talked about anything else anymore. He only texted or called when he wanted sex. He stopped sticking around after we did it. He just put his clothed back on and then left"

"That's shitty", he pointed out and you gave him a "no shit, Sherlock" look. "Why do you think he started doing it?"

"Because it was simply transactional to him? Fuck some girl to get your frustrations out and then leave. That way you don't have to pretend like you care"

"I don't think that was it at all", it was his turn to take a sip and you waited for him to keep going. "I think he caught feelings just as bad as you did, but didn't know how to deal with it. So he just ignored it"

"Great. And then I have to feel like a fucking prostitute because a grown ass man can't deal with his feelings?", your voice got a little louder and he waved his hand to tell you to tone it down a bit.

"I'm not saying he's right"

"Because he isn't. If he cared at all he wouldn't show up with some other girl just couple of days after he was in my bed"

"That's why you left the party that day?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, by the way. I know it was your day", you gave him an apologetic look, remembering how you left without even saying goodbye.

"You don't have to apologize. But I do miss having you around the house", he smiled at you, and you had to admit that you also missed being there. But the need to never see Jolly again overpowered anything else.

"I really can't deal with being in the same room as him, Nick", you told him and he could see you were being sincere.

"I just sucks you know, having my two best friends fighting", you didn't miss the way he said "fighting" as if it was a temporary thing. You didn't want to let him down even more with the fact that you don't pretend to make amends with Jolly anytime soon.

"What are you gonna do at the wedding?", he asked and you sighed.

"I really don't know. I'll probably not stick around for the party and just leave after the ceremony"

"You can't do that! We haven't partied together in so long", he had a crestfallen look on his face, and that damned puppy gdog eyes he always gave you when he wanted something from you. "I promised I'll tell him to stay away from you"

"I don't know, Nick. He's not really good at following directions"

"I'll make sure he does this time. What do you say? We'll have so much fun you won't even notice he's there", you pondered on the idea for a second.

"I'll think about it, ok?", he agreed, but with the look on your face, he knew you had agreed already.

You didn't have much time to dwell on things for the next few weeks. Work has been hectic and you've been trying to get your life somewhat together for the end of the year.

Slowly, the pain in your heart and the disappointment started to fade away, and as you put on your heels to get in your Uber and go to the wedding venue, you thought you'd be fine seeing Jolly again, weeks after your fallout.

As you sat in the car, Folio had already texted you, saying he was sitting in the second row, and that he was a saving a spot for you next to him.

Taking a deep breath, you checked your makeup on the screen of your phone, and you smoothed out your dress over your thighs. The dress code was black tie, so you chose a simple, black dress, with a slit on the side, along with black stilettos. You actually gave Folio some sandals that he kept in his motorcycle for you to wear at the party.

Arriving at the venue, you gave your name and made your way inside. When you looked at the altar, your steps faltered a bit and you hoped no one noticed as people moved around you to settle on their seats.

Up there, you saw Bryan dressed in a black suit, along with Noah, Nicholas and Jolly on his side. Nothing could've prepared you for the way he looked.

His hair was pushed back and tied into a bun, and he was dressed in all black like the other guys, and you could only see the tattoos on his knuckles.

As if sensing your presence, he locked his eyes with yours and you saw just a sliver of surprise in them. His stare, and the way his eyes subtly ran up and down your body, set you back into motion.

You kept walking and when you got close enough to the altar, you waved at Bryan, Noah nd Nicholas, giving them a smile and tried to look as excited as you could. You could still feel Jolly's eyes on you, even when you turned to the side and slipped into the seat next to Folio, giving him a hug in greeting.

Looking around the place as it was filling up with people, you tried to spot the girl Jolly arrived at the party with all those days ago, but you found no trace of her. He was here alone. You told yourself this is the last time tonight you would let him and this situation consume your thoughts.

"You look banging", Folio told you, giving you a teasing shove with his elbow.

"You clean yourself up nice. Didn't know you could slick back your hair this much", you teased back.

"I think I used a whole bottle of gel. But it's staying intact the whole night, baby", he patted the top of his head to show you just how stiff it was. You laughed at his antics as you slipped into casual conversation with him.

From the altar, Jolly couldn't take his eyes off of you for even a second. The way you effortlessly looked like the most beautiful girl in the room, and he was sure that not even the bride could steal that spot from you.

He desperately wanted to be in Folio's place right now. Making conversation with you and having you smile at him like that.

Over the course of the weeks, he was sure he was never gonna be able to have that again. And he spent the time torturing himself over how much of a fool he was to let you slide through his fingers like that.

How much of an idiot he was to break your heart like that.

"Can I tell you something?", Noah said, leaning a little closer to him, and looking in the same direction as Jolly. He hummed, telling his friend to go on. "Her legs look so damn good in that dress", Noah said, while whistling lowly next to his friend. Nicholas gave him a warning glance, but understood what Noah was trying to do.

Jolly knew he was just messing with his head, but he couldn't help but clench his fists anyway. When he didn't answer, Noah decided to press his friend's button a little harder.

"You think she'd give me a chance if I shoot my shot tonight?", Noah observed as Jolly's eyes got even darker, and he slowly turned around to face him.

"I heard she doesn't give losers her time of day", Jolly said, rolling his eyes when he saw the teasing look on Noah's face.

"I heard she gave you a chance", Jolly slapped his friend in the chest and Noah smiled even wider. "Besides, Folio told me she's single as a pringle"

"She's not gonna be by the end of the night", Jolly said, turning around and finishing the conversation, but he heard Noah let out a little "uuhhh" sound beside him.

It wasn't long before everyone was seated and the ceremony was about to being.

You wanted to say your head and heart were in it, but you could sense Jolly's eyes on you the whole time. You refrained from looking at him, because you knew that if you did, and he was looking at you like he used to all those months ago before things went cold between the two of you, you'd definetely break. And you pretended to leave this place whole tonight.

Cecilia looked like the most stunning bride you've ever seen. Their vows were beautiful and you could see the love in their eyes, and you could feel the love consuming the whole place.

You teared up a little, but before anyone could see, you grabbed Folio's handkerchief from his pocket to dab at your eyes.

"I spent thirty minutes folding that", he whispered to you and you only told him to pay attention to the ceremony instead of complaining.

When the groom kissed the bride, everyone cheered as Bryan and Cecilia made their way down the aisle, hand in hand and with big smiles on their faces.

The party was going to take place at the same venue, but in a different space, and as people started to fizzle out, you stood up to do the same.

"I saw you shedding some tears from up there", you heard a voice and three people approaching, and soon, Noah, Nicholas and Jolly were beside you and Nick.

"I don't know what you're talking about", you answered, eyes not wavering from the tall man, as he smiled at your deflection.

"We missed you, Y/N", Nicholas said and opened his arms for a hug, which you gladly accepted.

"Me too", you admitted, cheek smushed against his suit jacket.

"I don't know about y'all, but I'm very excited to start drinking", Folio changed the topic of conversation, sensing your discomfort a little, and wanting to keep his promise and have Jolly stay as far away from you as possible.

"Gotta grab my sandals from your bike first", you pointed out, extanding your hand for him to give you his key, and you left the boys to make your way out of the venue and towards the parking lot.

Grabbing your sandals, you leaned against the motorcycle to take off your heels, and you stored them away in the top box. You were about to close it, when your eyes caught sight of something interesting. Reaching for it, you could see it was a blunt neatly rolled up.

Of course Folio would bring a blunt to a wedding.

Smiling in mischief, you grabbed it and put it inside your purse for later. It would be a joy to see the look on Nick's face when you showed him that you stole HIS blunt.

Finally closing the top box, you turned around to make your way to the where the party was being held, when you saw him in the distance. He was standing at the end of the stone pathway as if he was waiting for you.

The was no other path around him and the place was filled with cars, so your only option was to walk past him. Keeping your head down, you quickened your pace when you started to approach him.

"Hey", his soft voice stopped you in your tracks. You desperately wanted to keep moving and just ignore him, but it was like your brain was wired to pay attention to him. "Could we talk?", he asked as if he was approaching a skittish animal.

This time, you did turn to face him.

"Listen, I'm here for Bryan and Cecilia, and that's it. And no, we can't talk. It would be appreciated if you kept your distance, actually", you kept your face stoic and your eyes could freeze hell over from how icy they were.

"I just want five minutes, that's it", his soft spoken tone didn't waver, and if you stopped to observe his face for a few seconds, you would see the pining and and desperation in his eyes. But your resentment clouded your vision.

"You had all the time in the world already"

With this, you turned around and left.

You eyes looked for Nick, and when you spotted him, sitting at his table, you made your way over.

"Doing a hell of a good jog at keeping Jolly away from me, huh?", you confronted him, sitting in the chair beside him.

"I'm sorry! We were talking and next thing I knew, he was gone", he shrugged his shoulders, looking a little guilty about his little slip.

"Whatever. I'll stay for an hour max and then I'll leave", you grabbed the flute of champagne in front of him and took a sip. He opened his mouth to tell you to get your own drink, when you looked at him sideways and he deciced it was best to shut his mouth.

Soon, the dancefloor was full of with people and the music filled the room. Folio was successful in dragging you for a dance a time or two, but you mostly stayed seated, sipping champagne and then switching to water.

From time to time, you could see Jolly sitting at the bar, chatting with some people you didn't know. They were probably Bryan's friends. But you were just glad he listened to you and kept his distance.

One hour turned into two, and when you looked outside, the sky was already dark, the moon shining in the distance. And you remembered the rolled up blunt you took from Nick's motorcycle.

You'd share with him if he wasn't having so much fun dancing ridiculously to some 2000's song with the boys on the dancefloor. So, alone, you open a sliding glass door that led to a spacious balcony overlooking the whole area.

The wedding was not at a remote location, but it was far away enough from the city to be surrounded by tall trees. You opened your purse and took out the still neatly rolled up blunt, balancing your purse on the wooden rail and leaning both of your elbows on it as you lit up the joint.

Taking the first drag, you feel the smoke consuming your lungs, and you hope this one can make you forget things for a minute or two.

From the dancefloor, Folio saw you slip outside, and abandoned the boys in order to approach Jolly, who was still sitting at the bar, this time alone, hands fiddling with the empty whiskey glass on the counter.

"Hey, man", Folio said, sitting in the stool next to him.

"What's up?", Jolly replied, but there was not much excitement in his voice.

"Listen, I just saw Y/N going outside. You should go there and talk to her", Nick said, nudging Jolly in the ribs. He just sighed and shook his head.

"I don't think she wants to talk to me"

"You gotta try though. You gotta tell her everthing you told me", Nick reasoned and Jolly could tell he wasn't gonna let this go that easily.

"I already tried, ok? I didn't even have the chance to approach her properly, but she already told me to stay the fuck away from her", Jolly's voice was agitated now, remembering your previous interaction. "I gotta listen to her if that's what she wants"

"You do whatever you want to do, but I gotta tell you something", Nick got up and leaned a little closer, to make sure his words were loud and clear. "If you don't try to make things right tonight, you might never get another chance. And in a few years, she's gonna be the one getting married. To another guy", Jolly let his friend's word sink in. He knew Nick was telling the truth, and the thought of you being with someone else terrified him. "You're just gonna be watching from the sidelines, because you were too much of a pussy to go after her"

Jolly couldn't look at Nick, but right after he was done, he left Jolly's side to go back to the dancefloor.

Jolly looked outside, but wasn't able to spot you due to everyone mingling about, as he pondered over his friend's words. He knew that Nick was right. He already went weeks without seeing you, and he was already struggling with the fact that he couldn't talk to you, couldn't see you, touch you. He couldn't fathom spending the rest of his life with anyone else but you.

He decided that you couldn't hate him anymore than you already do, so, abandoning his empty cup on the counter, he got up and made his way outside. His mind running a million miles a minute, trying to gather everything he wanted to tell you before you had the chance to tell him to go to hell.

Sliding the door open, he saw you leaning against the balcony railing, puffs of smoke coming out of your mouth, and he smiled at this. You were probably smoking the weed Folio provided you.

"I told you to leave me alone", you said, keeping your voice even. He couldn't help but noticed how you didn't even need to turn around to know it was him who just entered through the doors. At least you were still attuned to him in some sense.

"I'm gonna talk to you", he said and you were taken aback by his affirmation. Turning to around to finally face him, you saw that his face was serious, and he had his arms crossed over his chest.

"Excuse me?", you asked, tilting your head to the side.

"You heard me, I'm gonna talk to you wether you want to listen or not"

You scoffed, putting out the joint and placing it back inside your purse. It would be stinking of weed later, but you couldn't care less at this point.

Closing the distance between the two of you, you stopped just a few steps in front of him.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to listen to whatever it is that you have to say"

You walked past him and towards to sliding glass door with the intention of leaving this party for good now.

"I'm out of my mind in love with you, that's what I am!", he exclaimed, you stopped in your tracks, breath hitching and heart hammering in your ribcage from what you just heard.

You looked at him, but he was already looking at you. You saw the determination in his eyes, and you bet yours were wild in sheer surprise.

"What did you just say?", your voice lost all it's edge, as you almost whispered your question.

"You heard me"

"You don't know what you're talking about"

He couldn't possibly be telling you he loves you right now, intead of all the times you gave him the chance and all he gave you were crumbles of affection. Sometimes not even that.

"I know damn well what I'm talking about. In fact, I've been in love with you since the moment Folio introduced you to the band"

"Jolly, that was years ago", your head was spinning right now, trying to make sense of the situation.

"I know, and I should've told you sooner instead of doing whatever it is that I was doing", you could tell he was letting his guard down, so you decided to do the same for the sake of this conversation.

"And why are you telling me this right now?"

"Because I was an idiot with you, and I need you to know that I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel used, or make you feel like you were just someone I called for a quick fuck", he took one step closer, and you let him.

"Then why did you? I felt like you were miles away from me even when we were touching skin to skin. It felt like you were somewhere else all the time. And all those times you just left me there?", your brows were furrowed in confusion and your eyes were starting to fill with tears, as you remembered how you felt after each time he left you alone in bed.

"That night, do you remember when you told me I knew you were emotionally attached to you?", he asked and you nodded your head yes. "That's true, I knew. And I thought that distancing myself from you would make you feel less for me"

"Why would you want that?"

"Because you don't deserve someone like me. And I think this conversation we're having right now just proves that"

"You don't get to tell me what I do and what I don't deserve", your face twisted in anger at what he just told you.

"I know I don't, buy you can't possibly think I would be a good boyfriend to you. I'm gone all the time, for months on end, and I would never ask you to leave your things behind to go on tour with me. Why would you date someone who's gonna leave you for 3 or 4 months at a time?", he tried to get his point across, because in his head, it made complete sense.

"It would all be worth it because I would be yours and you would be mine, and I wouldn't be left wondering if you care about me or not. Besides, you should've just told me that's how you felt instead of stringing me along like you did", you raised your voice, pointing at him while you spoke, and when you finished, silence fell over the both of you.

Jolly felt like he was losing this battle and losing you along with it.

"I'm sorry. About everything. I know you don't want to see my face, but please, don't stop interacting with the boys. They absolutely adore you, and it makes me feel shitty that you can't be around them because of me", he looked at you with sincerity in his eyes and you could see he felt guilty about everything.

"Why did you still call me? If you wanted to push me away, why did you still call me?"

You still had questions, and you wanted answers to them.

"Because I can't be away from you. I know I sound like a selfish asshole, but I literally couldn't be away from you. It was better having some of you, rather than none of you"

You shook your head. What a stupid boy, probably the stupidest boy you've ever met.

"You had me. You had all of me. And you should've just told me"

"I know. I'm sorry"

You could see his eyes gleaming with unshed tears. Your own were the same.

"Damn it, Jolly. You should've just fucking told me"

"I know I'm too late. But I'm really hoping you can find it in your heart to maybe consider me as a friend"

You pondered over his words for a second. You could, you could tell him you would try to be civil, so you don't have to stay away from your friends. But the truth is, you know you could never have him as friend.

"I can't"

Jolly felt ice in his veins as soon as the words left your lips. He was too late, he was too much of an idiot and now he was paying the price. He should've never taken Nick's advide and come talk to you.

"I can't have you as a friend thinking that I could've had you as so much more. I can't have you as a friend, because one day, when you get a girlfriend, I'm gonna be thinking that it should've been me instead of her"

You let the tears fall freely now. He stepped closer to you, closing the distance and facing you. He hesitated for a second, before he gently rested both hands on your face, lightly wiping away the tears falling down your cheeks, as if you were a wounded animal.

"I don't want to have anyone else but you. I don't imagine living my life with anyone else but you", he whispered the words between you.

You put your hands over his, caressing it and reveling in the feeling of his skin on yours after what felt like an eternity.

"Me neither", you confessed, tired of pretending you're not longing for him as much as he is longing for you.

"Then let me try again? I swear I'll do things right this time if you let me", he rested his forehead on yours and you both closed your eyes.

"Do you really love me?", you asked in a whisper, as if afraid of the answer.

"I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, my angel"

You weren't looking in his eyes, but you felt in your bones the emotion and sincerity in his voice. You could also feel the love pouring out of him with every word he spoke.

"Then let's try again", you opened your eyes to see his reaction, and his were already looking back at you.

A smile graced his lips, and you couldn't help but smile back.

"Really?", he asked, a little in disbelief.

"Turns out I also can't be away from you", you shrugged your shoulders and you saw the light returning to his eyes.

"Can I hug you? I really wanna hug you. And I also really wanna kiss you right now".

You didn't answer him, instead, you placed one hand on the back of his neck, and closed the already small distance between you two, your lips finding his in what started as a chaste kiss, but deepened when he started to move his mouth against yours.

You could feel fireworks erupting in your belly. You thought you'd never get to have him like this again, so you savored the taste of him on your lips, the feeling of his skin under your hands, and the heat radiating from his body onto yours. You were sure he was gonna set you on fire.

Once you parted, his hands went from your face to your hips, not letting you stray away from him. And you took advantage of the situation to run the palm of your hand over his hair, that was still tied, but a few wisps stuck out here and there, and you smoothed them down with your hands.

"I'm gonna take you on a date this time. I'll do everything right.", he promised you, and you felt yourself excited for what's to come for the two of you.

"We'll do everything right"

[super-who-locked-me-in-here]

Pieces of media my mom has seen and the popular MLM ships in them that she doesn't think are gay:

MCU - Stucky (note that she does get a kick out of Stony stuff and she believes wholeheartedly that those two hate fucked in a not-filmed scene of Avengers 2012 so this is not about her thinking "oh Captain America is so straight-laced because he's the ideal American man" or anything)

MCU - Poolverine (she's fully aware and accepting of the fact that both Logan and Wade are canonically queer characters but she thinks all the flirting Wade did with Logan in the newest movie didn't necessarily mean anything because "he talks like that to everyone". Side note though: while she believes Wade should be with Vanessa, she does think that Logan can and should shoot his shot with Wade after Vanessa inevitably dies since he and Wade are both immortal. It's just that she thinks Wade should get his happy ending with Vanessa first.)

MCU - Lokius ("Mama have you ever seen a man fix another man's tie like that" "No but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen! I wouldn't know though; it's been like 15 years since I worked a corporate job.")

Sonyverse/Marvel - Symbrock ("They literally have a symbiotic relationship. That doesn't make them gay." So I showed her the comics where Eddie calls Venom "love" and gives birth to Venom's babies and she said "Fine you win but please never show me alien man birth ever again."

Supernatural - Destiel ("They're like Steve and Bucky! They're brothers in arms! They've been through hell and back together!" Note that she only watched through season 5 but she does know about a lot of their later interactions because I told her about them)

House M.D. - Hilson ("Dot I watched that whole show and they were never anything more than good friends" "What about when House admitted to thinking about Wilson during sex? What about that whole episode where they pretended to be gay for each other to prove a point to a neighbor and Wilson proposed? What about that whole episode where Wilson had to furnish the apartment and House told him not to let a woman tell him what to do but Wilson let House tell him what to do? What about the whole ending?" "Why can't two men just be close enough friends to joke about that stuff with each other?"

Real life - Me and my best friend of the same gender orientation who I've kissed multiple times and have had a requited crush on for years that neither of us have ever persued for logistical reasons (I literally used me and this friend to try and prove my mom wrong about Stucky and Destiel. I asked her if she thought me and this friend were like brothers and she said yes with a straight face)

Sherlock - Johnlock (to be fair this is the BBC ship name, but she doesn't think any iteration of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are the slightest bit gay. "They're business partners and roommates.")

Our Flag Means Death - BlackHands (Should go ahead and say that I'm not really a BlackHands shipper myself; we both really enjoyed Stede and Ed's romance in the show. BUT it takes so much away from Izzy's character and his development if you don't acknowledge that he was jealous of Stede and in love with Ed, at least a little. My mom thought Izzy was just an extremely loyal first mate.)

Also, for the record, I'm not trying to call my mom out as homophobic. I'm queer and so are two of my siblings and she's very supportive of us. There are gay romcoms she enjoys like Our Flag Means Death and Red, White, and Royal Blue. The reason I'm making this list is because I think it's really funny how she doesn't understand the concept of queerbaiting (not that all of the above listed ships are queerbaiting). She thinks things are either explicitly straight or explicitly queer (whether it's gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc) and cannot comprehend the idea that some character relationships are deliberately pushing the boundaries of straight friendships into queer relationships to get more minority viewers and I think her explanations are funny.

[wowbright]

All these posts about "why do people like Syril Karn? He's a bad person."

Well, let's see: there's a literary trope that's been used for thousands of years called the tragic hero. Tragic heroes are not necessarily good people. But they are interesting people. And they are passionate about one thing. Whatever that one thing is can be different for each character, but in every case they have a clear purpose and a strength of character that allows them to focus on that one thing. Often, that one thing is their understanding of justice or right and wrong (Antigone, Hamlet, Syril). They have a single-minded focus on it that makes it difficult for them to see anything else.

And that focus destroys them.

A lot of humans can identify with passion and with feeling they are right. So it makes a compelling story to see somebody who is passionate and thinks they are right actually turn out to be wrong (or maybe be right in some sense, but go about things in such a way that makes things worse for themselves and/or others). It's scary! It's sad! And it is those things because we wonder if we might be on the same path.

Tragic heroes can cause us to reflect on our lives and our choices, and to question what we believe is true. They do so by plugging into people's empathy, not by argument or logic about, "Perhaps you should consider this other perspective." That's what makes them powerful. And it's a big reason why people love them.

"But Syril is basically a [Trump loyalist/Stasi officer/Jan 6 insurrectionist/etc]. You wouldn't like him in real life!"

No shit, Sherlock. We wouldn't like him in real life because we can't live inside other people's heads in real life, or experience the things that they experience--and also because those people may be causing us real life harm.

But we like him in art because art allows us to experience life through other people's eyes. It's one of the big points of art.

And one of the big benefits of art is that the characters in it aren't causing us real world harm, so we can risk empathizing with them. We don't need to worry that our empathy will lead us to do something unwise that will allow the person to hurt us further. Because they're not real!

And you know what feels good? It feels good to understand people and things and motives and worldviews that were previously inexplicable to you.

So: it's art. That's why people like Syril Karn.

[bucchiboo]

I'm crying because I love the idea of correspondence between the students leaving next year and I'd love to see more of it. The white day cards are so cute that I just want to elaborate (hc) on handwriting and maybe even writing quirks. Just Malleus (for now...)

Malleus would be really interested in how his partner writes, it's all so fascinating to him and he's a pattern noticer. The noticerrrr. And he sees so much that he even finds himself compiling all the repetitive actions you take when writing -not just what you're writing, and brings them to you to discuss further. The way you slant letters, when your pen lets up, if you type then the frequency of paragraph breaking, how you insert images, etc. I think it'd be something like "Did you know you tend to smudge the paper when you reach the furthest margin, are you perhaps left-handed? Oya, you are? I knew that to be the case." He says with a slight smile and downturned gaze because he knows he ate that. Sherlock Horns.

He would get overzealous about the fact that you're only a word away and would immediately call you with his archaic phone and pester you until you receive it. His Correspondence wouldn't actually be a surprise because you are usually visited by a heavy knock on your door and fae appropriate fanfare when it arrives, that's just etiquette when writing royalty. But, he always calls you the day he receives it so that you know he shall be returning post haste and he intends to dazzle you. In fact, you'll spend so long speaking to each other about what was written to him, that when you finally get his response, it's more or less just recapping what you spoke of two days prior. He can't hide his giddyness, even if he keeps a cool baritone while on the phone. Because you're a kind person, you pretend that his tail happily thumping against the ground is inaudible, because you know he can't help it.

He is going to surprise you by the emojis he uses because WHO taught you that!?!? He learned these from Cater and Lilia, but he doesn't change the way he speaks. It's "Good evening, How have you've been? The summer season of Briar Valley is particularly exhausting and hot💧, I am very bothered by the heat of it all.🥵🥵" and when Lilia intercepts it, he's like "that's a perfect sentence, go ahead and send it. Actually, one note, send more sweating emojis, it's really hot this summer, right?"

Your messages go through a diverse array of moderators and middle men. Those people being his Grandmother, who reminds him that he's a prince, Lilia and Silver (the two who initially opened the letter, and finally his transcriber and narrator, Sebek who scoffs at the quality of the smut you're peddling his young master, who shouldn't even be hearing this, but he'll read on against his better judgement. (It's literally benign, the furthest thing from smut, Malleus argues). His letters would look a little like this:

21.09.19XX Child, It's been nice knowing you.😌 Why do I say that? Since we've met, it seems as if Briar Valley has taken a lead in comedy and our collective temperament could not be more jovial. Your humorous description of your familiar, Grim child, was very well received by my Grandmother, as I was awoken early enough to the sounds of insects humming and birds chirping well into the night to read it aloud to me, guffawing as she spoke. (I apologize, I cannot stop her from opening my mail, but we're working on her problematic behavior, that's a fact.😉) She in particular has asked if she may keep it, you know how older individuals are with their chucklesome cat stories. 🙄 There's this understanding of the world that I just don't possess when it comes to what grabs the attention of the people's comedy, it continues to evade me. For instance, what is the humor of "surprise hot dog 🌭" and why must it be a surprise to be enjoyed? The children of Briar Valley seemingly shout this and end their sentences with it, and I am surprised and annoyed every time. It seems like you have an understanding in the matters of humor, so you are welcome to explain it to me. But I digress, If I sat down and listed to you all the things that escaped me, well, you might find yourself as old as I am by the time we've finished! 🤣The trees and wind must sense the happiness in our friendly union, and have planned accordingly to block out bad weather🌧️ and unforgiving spirits. The weather is nice enough that (forgive me I've overstretched my hand) planned your visit for sooner rather than later. Next time we meet in person, this shall be us ->🕺💃, as I've already made arrangements for a night in a cabaret club in the Capitol for us to partake in. It's a culture so far from the realm of possibility of establishing itself in our quiet little country, that I was astounded when I stumbled across its zoning request permits one day and I rushed to see it in person, paperwork be damned. The smaller fae who perform insist it to be a "cheeky, yet inoffensive showcase of the arts", and after witnessing it for myself, I knew it would be the type of entertainment you'd enjoy.🤫 Even now, it doesn't feel natural to write, like an odd mouth feel that doesn't change as I turn it over and over. A cabaret in Briar Valley, a music club in a quiet kingdom... it's as I've mentioned earlier, Briar Valley has surprisingly given itself wholly to the Joviality of life. Sincerely yours; Malleus Draconia, Heir to Briar Valley p.s Surprise hot dog 🌭

On the other hand, as confident as he is in your responses, he's always a little embarrassed to send something back. It's not fear of his ability, but rather, if you'll care to hear about the day to day of a crown prince who's routine is very boring and full of nothingburger drama. He doesn't understand that his 18 page assessment of his life is literally replacing the cable you can't afford, and when he describes the way the lion prince attacked him during a diplomatic meeting, the colorful language of his response makes you laugh, and then cry, and even gag because "how did he get close enough to gash you!?" You can see the face he's making as he writes this, pouty and angry and even chuckling when he describes the punishment that followed. Just like in his real life, Malleus has a hard time concealing his emotions. He's not shy about who he is as a person, and his writing is not either. The way it flows is a little different from traditional correspondence, if anything, he's sending you disjointed journal entries and prose while also clipping what you send him to respond directly. Your 2 page crapped out response filled with emojis and memes and inside jokes is returned in full by 20 pages of thoughtful dialogue, assessments of politics and fondness of your life, and even sketches of the things around him (okay... just gargoyles and Sebek, but those are things in all fairness.) He has a real zest that he doesn't try to contain, and even his handwriting gives it away. When he's in a good mood, it's very pristine, heavily slanted cursive that his heavy hand oppresses by not dotting his i's or crossing his t's. It's just understood between you two what he means. Likewise, when he's angry or melancholic it's surprisingly very light, almost inelligeble as if he was speaking through gritted teeth. He must be getting up and pacing, because of course he is. When upset or recounting something terrible, his handwriting is unusually neat, funnily enough the sentences are much shorter, as if he's hiding something or thinking long about what should be said next. He's a very wistful person, after all.

Malleus enjoys fine art that seeks to appease the senses and refine beauty, so attached to his letters will often be trinkets like necklaces, earrings, watches, and pocket squares that he found in shops in Briar Valley, or a ticket to a play or music shows that dazzled him. The heavier packages (these tend to come at random) are filled with small desserts, books on the anthropological history of different fae species, woven pieces from more aesthetically competent fae and their fashion, and of course, fragmented pieces of ancient gargoyles he found hiding in deserted rooms of the castle. <- He'll know if you've thrown it away, so hold on to the heavy, weird rock fragment, please.

[damnfandomproblems]

Responding to 3 anons in #5796

"I agree with this tbh. Like adults are the ones making things unsafe for minors in fandom spaces. YOU are the ones who approach minors unprompted. Minors are just minding their own business in fandom, then you all come along and bother everyone."

Predators that are adults are not synonymous with all adults in fandom. It's not the fault of the vast majority of fandom that kids purposefully bust into adult spaces and arbitrarily believe the creeps saying they're "safe" adults. It's the fault of your parents for not reaching you worth a damn and the predator. And yes, kids do fucking barge into adult NSFW spaces. None of the the ones that say they mind their business actually do.

"I agree with this post, cause like... the ones doing the most harassing are adults. I am a minor, and it makes me feel unsafe in fandom spaces. Especially when I see adults drawing nsfw of characters who are MINORS! aging them up does not excuse that gross and creepy behavior. Just stop and give us a space where we don't get pushed into a corner and called annoying. Leave our fandom spaces!"

It's gonna be really funny when you age out of your favorite characters and have a moral dilemma over the fact that you don't stop thirsting over Bakugo or whoever the fuck the minute you're older than him.

And aging up is...how time works. That's like saying no one can view anyone sexually, fictional or real life, because they were once a child. Do you realize how stupid that sounds? If you don't want to be sat at the kids table, learn how to behave rather than screaming at the main table because Aunt Milly told an off color joke and Grandpa Joe has a naked Princess Peach tattooed on his arm.

"I see people getting mad about Fandom Problem #5796, but that kind of is just proving the point? You all act like the minors are the biggest problem in fandom, but you are the ones constantly inserting yourselves and making it about you.

I see adults say things like:

- "Fandom wouldn't exist without adults."

- "Who do you think created fandom? Not minors!"

- "Minors wouldn't have content if it weren't for adults."

All are ignorant of the idea that minors are the foundation to fandom. Fandom would not exist if it wasn't for minors being interested in it and starting groups for people to join. Often times, the best artists and writers in the fandoms are THE MINORS.

Adults make the space uncomfortable by inserting themselves and putting NSFW fics and art of minor characters. Then they get pissy when a minor points out it makes them uncomfortable and go "stop invading our space!"

You are the ones trying to push minors out when we just want to have fun! Just leave us alone!

-A minor"

Minors aren't the biggest problem, no. But by food are they the loudest. You say you just want to have fun but minors have on mass harassed people that were leaving them alone simply because they didn't understand the concept of dead dove don't eat.

And no, you are not, nor have you ever been, the foundation of fandom. It has always been adults, from the very beginning when Sherlock Holmes novels gained an international fan club unlike the world had ever seen to the 1960s housewife Spock/Kirk shipping Trekkies starting conventions, mailing lists, having coalate parties for zines, and laying down the foundation we have today. Adults were the ones that got sued my lunatic writers in the 90s, and they're the ones that, 90% of the time, are buying the services or media for you to consume in the first place.

And I'm sorry, but the best artists and writers in the fandom are never minors. Exceptionally talented minors are exceptional for a reason. The rest of you sit somewhere between "average and has potential" to "would make My Immortal hide its face in secondhand embarassment." Art and writing are skills, and anyone under the age of 16 likely hasn't been writing fiction long enough to run with the heavy hitters. Considering the state of the US education system, this is an even more laughable stance.

Many minors have great potential, but acting like your the best in show when you just made it out the gate is the height of hubris.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[murd3rouscrow]

I like the pod, i really do... But I don't like it's inconsistency with it's consistency. Up until Sign of four, Sherlock and co followed a very sitcom-esque consistency. No matter what happens in the last adventure, the slate is wiped clean for the next. While some of the character development stays, the old cases are basically never mentioned again.

And then sign of four happened. And Mary isn't wiped clean. And I don't like it. For the record, I wouldn't mind it so much if they kept a new consistency, but just like before, the three gables is not mentioned.

Now I understand, Mary's death had a large impact on John. But that's not to say the other cases didn't. Sherlock was clearly affected by the Gloria Scott. That he wasn't distraught over basically ruining his old friend's perception of his father? Think Shoscombe old place? Did nearly dying in a crypt in his hometown not affect John? Finding out his old ex may have been involved in the death of a old woman? And of course, my personal favourite episode; the dancing men. And don't tell me about the mailbag episode. In that case, Mary should also stay in the mailbag episode.