#The second one was also pretty shitty but much better in comparison. There was a weird power dynamic there because he was two years older

[e-to-the-v]

I’m on a journey of figuring stuff out about myself and well I need somewhere to vent.

For a long couple of years, my siblings have suggested over and over that I might be gay. And frankly, I don’t know if I am. To me saying if I’m gay or not feels like, and this is a crazy comparison, it feels like self diagnosing, which I never want to do. I’d much rather someone tell me what I am, but I have to figure that out myself. In the last year or so I’ve narrowed it down to thinking that I’m either pan or aro. But in the last 2 days of self reflection, I think I’m aro.

Where that thought comes from is that I think I accidentally went on a date? I got asked to lunch by a boy I was pretty sure I was just friends with and I’m 90% sure he thought it was a date, which is bad for me because I don’t like him like that. And not only do I not like him like that, I don’t think I have romantically liked some one since I was 10 (and even then might’ve been a misunderstanding of feelings). Like I haven’t even liked fictional characters in a romantic way, and I don’t understand when people like them either.

In high school, I was never in a relationship and only really went on 1 date with someone and I’ve only verbally been told that someone had feelings for me once. I think part of me just feels so unloveable and that no one would ever be able to like me romantically, so it would be very odd if someone did. I also can’t pick up on any signals (i.e. I have a lot of anxiety and easily obsessive over things, so I try not dig to deep into intent behind peoples actions), and need to be outright said that something is a date or that there’s feelings so I believe it, so I might be just missing if someone did like me, but oh well.

There’s only two times in the recent past that I’ve ‘liked’ someone and I think both can be pretty written off. The first was my junior year of high school, there was a girl in one of my classes that I thought was really cool. I don’t think I actually liked her, I think I just wanted to be her friend really badly and couldn’t place those feelings. The second time was near the end of my senior year, I went to prom with some boy I ran in the same circles as but had never really talked to. My friend, who was good friends with him, made it seem that he had a crush on me, and it made me sort of obsess over him. I became hyper aware of everything surrounding him. I think I just got attached to the idea someone could like me and obsessed over the possibility, but I don’t think I ever really liked him.

So why do I think I’m aro? Well I don’t like most romantic actions. I think kissing is gross, I don’t love being touched by most people, I see a interactions that could be perceived as romantic as platonic, and I don’t see myself ever being in a romantic relationship.

Am I asexual? That a great question, I do not know. It’s a high likelihood that I am, but I am just too inexperienced to fully conclude that. The reason that I’m not completely sure is the fact that I have consumed sexual content, but I’ve never read it in a sense of it relating to me. Like I don’t reasonably see why someone would want to have sex. To me it feels like a fictional concept, and solely something made up for stories. That way of thinking might also come from the fact that I grew up religious and sex wasn’t a open topic.

For years what I wanted from a romantic relationship was just someone who was so deeply in love with me and now that I realize that it’s actually a possibility, I don’t think I want that. I think what I really wanted deep down, was the validation that people like me and want me around. I wanted someone who would pick me first, and make me their favorite person. I had some really shitty friends (and some medium shitty parents) that just lead me to believe that I would never be a main person to someone, that I’d always just be a background friend. I have since gotten some better friends. I have people who genuinely like me for me, people who like my little quirks, people who I can tell about the silly fan fiction I wrote or the show I’m invested in and it’s honestly one of the greatest things. I think I’ve realized that romantic love doesn’t have to be the most important thing in my life and it feels great to know that.

And who knows maybe one day someone will come along and just be someone to be my best friend and nothing more and we live as each others main priority, but I’m not at that stage yet. For now I just get to be a college girl who figures out that no, I don’t want to be romantically involved with someone and that it’s okay to say that.

[maddiemuu]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 W BERNADETTE. PLS.

HI HELLO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!! i had a Week. putting this under a cut bc it is soo long LMAO

cw for mention of miscarriage + fatphobia/negative body image stuff + some descriptions of like. emotional abuse/shitty family dynamics. mom and dad berkshire suck real bad.

ummmm in short. itsa very bad. in long. bernadette has Many issues. here r some of her most defining ones (to me):

ok so first r her anger issues lol. bernadette is fucking MEAN which is extra bad bc she is very easily pissed off and does not rly bother controlling most of her impulses re:anger. she's fully aware of how unlikely she is to face consequences for her actions, so she can't really internally justify doing anything differently. like why bother lol.

NEXT r her wacko relationships with her siblings + by extension their horrible horrible parents. she especially has a MAJOR inferiority complex centered around her relationship w/ her younger sister beatrice. she HHHHATES beatrice, which is very funny to me bc beatrice is 16. bernadette has insane one sided beef with her despite being a full decade older. she fully views beatrice as like. the kid her parents had to spite her for not being "good enough" as a daughter which like. ok not an entirely inaccurate read on why beatrice exists. their parents should definitely not have had even one child, much less three. but here we are. bernadette blames beatrice for a lot of her mistreatment/role as the scapegoat as the family (the logic being that without beatrice around, there wouldn't be anyone around to make her look worse by comparison lol) even though that is entirely illogical + her parents DEF would have just found someone else to pit her against. bernadette is a lot closer with bentley due to a lot of diff factors, but she does still resent him a fair bit lol. they look very similar, and it especially makes her pretty upset that he doesn't get the same shit for being fat that she does. she just generally thinks he gets things pretty easy for being a man and being the oldest. he is oblivious to this 👍. bernadette also resents her parents, and has been made VERY aware she is the least favorite child, but instead of choosing to reject the inherently unfairly stacked system they have built, she's managed to convince herself that there's a chance she can earn their approval and love by just Proving how much better she is than her siblings. she is wrong about this ! on some level, she is aware she is wrong. but she's spent most of her life with that bootstrap mentality and is too afraid of what will happen if she gives it up. some fun "spoilers" related to bernadette + her fam's future: she does soooort of get a taste of being the favorite daughter (by default) again when beatrice is 20 and gets disowned for being gay (she is fine. she has her own money + a career by that point), but it's more like... she gets to be the second least favorite LOL. bernadette does also eventually get married but i have been too lazy to design her husband. maybe somedayyy. she really wanted kids and was pregnant twice but ended up miscarrying both times, and then decided she didn't ever want to try again or become a parent through other means. her marriage ends in a MEGA DIVORCE bc she and her husband can never come to an agreement about where to go from there. she never remarries but she can have one or two boytoys i think. a little treat from me to her. (one idea i've tossed around is a childhood friend/child of her parents' friends who has been singularly OBSESSED with her since they were like 12. she was his first kiss. she has forgotten this. He Has Not. she strings him along for her entertainment and he is aware of it but also totally fine with the situation) bentley on the other hand has two daughters and while he and bernadette remain somewhat close for the rest of his life (he dies first lol. in 2034 iirc? clock's a tickin bentley. better get to work on that bucket list) he is definitely (unintentionally) sort of insensitive about this.

related, she's just also generally pretty insecure at her core. the ice queen persona isn't a Lie, it's more of like. an idealized version of herself (to her at least lol). nothing can hurt her that way!!!! she's in control! she is also a major control freak which is really unfortunate bc at the end of the day she really does not control much at all <3. she's especially insecure about her body, which once again was MAJORLY exacerbated by seeing how beatrice was rewarded for being the Pretty, Thin Daughter, while she was the Ugly and Fat one. also did not help that she used to be much thinner and her family will not let her forget that.

ok i am going to cut myself off here i think bc otherwise u will be getting a whole thesis on bernadette. i love her i love talking about her. there is so much wrong with her. thank you SO much for the ask

[tumblezwei]

Not a RG person (or any kind of shipper really), but I don’t entirely gel with your earlier post on Ruby and Oscar, more specifically the latter. Because the way I read the story’s themes, it seems to me that much of their shared theme is being drowned out by the legacy of those who came before them.

Ruby, through the constant comparisons to her mother, her lineage as a Silver Eyed Warrior, and effectively being Ozpin’s successor as the leader of those against him despite not really wanting the role (even though she stepped up as admirably as she could).

Oscar however is literally at risk of being drowned out, just being subsumed by the Ozma collective and becoming nothing more than another face with Ozma’s traumas and failure to change. He’s not proving himself his own man; he’s struggling to preserve what little of himself is left in the face of an unwilling mental parasite, all while constantly battling the fears of both himself and Ozma.

To me, it seems more likely that what might happen at the end is that Ruby and Oscar end up leaving on a journey together once they’ve been freed of their respective obligations; Ruby can finally be a normal huntress saving people without bearing the weight of the world, while Oscar can finally find his own identity and have an adventure without the risk of losing his personality. Their goals would align pretty decently on that regard.

I get the gist of your point, but I think we disagree on a few key things.

The most pressing one is Oscar's situation. While he is definitely at risk of being consumed by Oz in universe, I don't think that that's where the story is pointing to at all. Nothing we've seen from Oscar's character development so far leads me to believe he's sinking into his fear at being consumed. Every time he's been given the choice to be like Oz, he's gone against it.

In volume 6, when he knows about information that Oz is keeping hidden, he fights against Oz's possession and tells the group. In volume 7 after Ironwood goes off the deep end, he chooses to trust that Ironwood can be reasoned with when Oz would have just given up. After being tortured by Hazel he chooses to trust him and Emerald, something Ozpin was incapable of doing. He's the one teaching Oz that Oz can change. With every volume his convictions grow stronger and his sense of right and wrong solidifies.

It's true that he's struggled with the idea of where he ends and Ozpin begins, but I don't believe for a second that what we're seeing play out is Oscar losing his identity. And like I said in my previous post, it's because he knows all of Ozpin's fuck ups that he's able to see Oz for who he is and grow to be better. If he were truly at risk of becoming just another Ozma, then I would think him completely redundant as a character.

He is absolutely not drowning in Ozpin's legacy.

I also don't really like the phrasing of Ruby being Ozpin's successor. He was her mentor, sure, a shitty one at that, but I don't think he's been much of a leader of anything for a long, long time. Now, he certainly used her mother's leadership abilities to his advantage, and when he saw the same potential in Ruby he used her too. But I can't accept the idea of him passing down a mantle to her. Not to hate on the guy, I do like his character an awful lot, but that man did nothing to help her grow into leadership except one speech that only helped to catalyze her depressive spiral lmao.

But that's more of a personal gripe that an argument against your point. I think the main problem we have is that you've read the themes differently from me. Despite how depressing the show can get, it's a lot more hopeful than people give it credit for sometimes. And specifically for this post, than what Oscar stans give it credit for.

They often read his fate as something a lot more cynical and tragic than it actually is imo, and try to find a lot of similarities to Ruby in order to ramp up the angst. And there's nothing really wrong with that, I'm no stranger to making my faves suffer more than they realistically would, but I just don't think Oscar is in that much danger. I think the narrative is pointing a very clear and direct line towards Ozpin disappearing from his mind and the cycle of reincarnation ending. Oscar's arc has been about finding out who he is, but that isn't just an endpoint goal, it's something that's already happening.

But if you don't believe that, if you think that he's still actively being corrupted by Oz, then I think you'd come to the conclusions that you have in this ask, and you'd see more parallels to Ruby's spiral. And that's just not what I see.

[non-bee-knees]

Alright Sinners,

My ranking of every Hazbin Season 1 Song, (purely based on how much I like them for whatever reason)

Starting With:

16. Welcome To Heaven:

St. Peter pisses me off. Idk if it's his voice or whatever, but he's annoying and unnerving and I hate it. :((((

15. It Starts With Sorry:

This was originally bottom of the list, before i remembered tht Welcome to Heaven exists. I think it's a cute song, sure, but it's just...meh. It's kinda lost when its surrounded by other bangers, and especially when it's preceeded by Stayed Gone - it had no chance. I love Pen, but this isn't it for me

14. Whatever It Takes:

If I had a nickel for every time a musical series had and wasted JAMES MONROE IGLEHART, I'd have two nickles. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice (the other time is Tangled the Series)

Seriously though, when it's just Carmilla singing, this song is great, it's powerful and passionate. Then Vaggie starts singing. And don't get me wrong, I think Stephanie is a great voice actress and singer, but from the start I just didn't like her as the voice of Vaggie. It seems off to me, and it feels even worse here. Great song, but I think this is a person preference sort of thing bringing it down :(

13. Happy Day In Hell:

Opening song, pretty good. I was planning on using this as a sort of middle ground for the rest of the songs, but once you get into it, it's clear that while it's good, so many other songs are better, sadly. It is such a fun song, and I love the background voices, they're fun. Plus the little tempo change is cute halfway through, I like it a lot. It just doesn't hold up in comparison to the rest of the soundtrack

12. More Than Anything Reprise

Cute little thing right before the end, it's sweet and I'm glad that Charlie and Vaggie are good again. It suffers the same issue as Happy Day in that while it's good, there are other greats. It wins over it because I like the vocals here, and the change in the music from the original More Than Anything is neat.

11. Hell Is Forever:

My friend is very very bummed that I put this one this low. I like this song, but again, there are others I like so much more. Adam is a dick, Alex does a fantastic job voice acting, and I do like the way he emphasises bits like 'pearly gates' its neato. Plus the whole 'guitar solo' bit is fun :))

10. Out for Love:

The first listen, I thought it was meh. As I relistened, it just got better and better. Idk who voices Carmilla but she is FANTASTIC, the mix of the guitar and the heavy beat, and her sining/speaking on beat is good. As well as the bit where the music stops for a second before the second chorus. Fabulous stuff honestly, if being an Overlord doesn't work out for Carmillia she could become a singer instead like holy shit.

Also this is the second Carmilla/Vaggie song... the whole Carmilla was from Heaven theories are looking stronger by the minute

9. Poison:

Shit. Banging song. Blake does such an AMAZING JOB>?!?!?!?! Like holy fuck what a banger. I like this song, the way it's used in the show is brilliant, the ENDING?????? OMG. The bits around "Anyway you want me baby thats the way you got me baby" Are my faves, like those longer notes are so good ffrrrrrrr. I very like this song.

8. Respectless:

GIRLLLLLLL????? VELVETTE?????!!!??!?! OMG BABY GET IT. Vox is my fav V but shit Velvette is such that Bitch fr. This song is so fun, she's so right, and Unpopular Opinion- I think her voice is absolutely perfect for her charcter. Couldn't imagine her without her shitty little british accent. Also Velvette changes clothes every Ep; such a fun detail

7. More Than Anything:

Screaming, kicking my legs, giggling JEREMY JORDAN SBF HIBDBB:VHIBDHF I LOVE HIM HE PUTS HIS WHOLE SOUL INTO EVERYTHING HE DOES AND THIS IS NO DIFFERENT

such a sweet, genuine song, i love hearing them realise that they really love each other and learn about each other, I love the duet at the end, I love charlies solo bit, the fucking "Apple doesn't fall far" sbdfbhhb'bvofvj ADOREEEEEEE Such a cute song FR kisses

6. Finale:

So many elements here that are just *chefs kiss* JEREMY JORDAN I WANT TO KISS YOU. The gang all singing together is just so fucking cute, Vox and Val are Gay and Canon and theyre so cute thinking they're gonna rule Hell T-T - I need to see how Vox reacted to Al not being dead. AND SPEAKING OF: AL's VERSE???? SIRRRR?? ARE YOU OKAY??? mans was loosing it frrr (i also wanna kiss him on the forehead and put him to bed) (Some one pointed out that he doesn't have his staff in the last moments of the song) (also it's cute that he headed back to his radio shack to breakdown, babe really said 'safe space')

5. You Didn't Know:

We all knew this was gonna be this high up, WHAT A BANGER?????? I adore Sera's voice, it's so good, and Lute singing?? get it girl. And we all know the 'Hell is Forever' Reprise is absolute PEAK soooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking good. ANd the end??? ADAM YOURE A CUNT but also Drama ✨✨✨

4. Stayed Gone:

NFBHBH{B@OUFE@OF Alastor and Vox are two of my fav fiction men Types: Suave sassy cunts with way too much power (with fun voice effects for extra Style)

Seriously this song really outlines them so well??? Like Vox is desperate for control, hence the fucking new's cast, and he's erratic and insane, trying his best to make absolutely sure that his viewers stay his viewers, instead of pivoting to Radio. In contrast, Al is still and calm, staying in one place while Vox flicks all over the place through his screens. AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE END PART He really went Sicko Mode to bully a man after 7 years of ignoring him, FUck i love Alastor

3. Loser, Baby:

Need more be said? It's Loser, Baby, it has it all. Smooth vocals, fun jazz, cute choreography, a dancable beat, a wonderfully approachable message (my bf got worred that i liked it so much because he thought it was concerning at first, but it's so comforting to be told, 'hey we're all fucked, let's be fucked together 😊'

Blank and Keith work so beautifully together vocally that if we don't get another duet in S.2 imma riot I swear.

also "They're fucking singing???" GOLD

This song put Husk right into my top 3, only for Ep 5 to push him righ to Number 1(*)

2. Hell's Greatest Dad:

JEREMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

JORDANNNNNNNNNN

IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE

'from the big boss of hell himself' FUCK ME (/hj)

Seriously tho, an electrojazz duet between Al and Lucifer was such a gorgeous idea whoever made this song needs a fucking RAISE the differences in their music while they're soloing, only for it to 'clash' when Lucifer brings out the fiddle (yes its a fiddle, not a violin)

(also violin and piano are complimentary intruments, so while its not a violin, it's still neat to know that they still work 'together' as they hate each other)

The end with Mimzy?? Funny, I liked it. I hate mimzy, she's annoying and she's bound to return, but yeah, I liked her interuption as her intro, it's fitting. Also Lucifer's little 'who' at the end makes me giggle.

Ready for This:

D ;bvb'obvrgo#rjhprb#o#RPGNR

I quite like this song. In case you couldn't tell by the way it's No.1. Its a mix of the vocals being FUCKING GORGEOUS, the changes in style as the song goes on 'come on boys hop in the saddle' IMMA KISS ERIKA. Also the way the Cannibals get on board so fast is so funny, their verse is so fun

And don't get me started on ROSIEjf bhfb'au#bf'h[bfb#ru "That's enthusiasm darling" I LOVE HERRRRRRRRR

Her and Al are so sweet, thier little verse at the end is lovely. I think in trying to convince Rosie to trust Charlie, Al accidentally realised how much he cares about her 🤭

You can tell how much I like each song as I slowly loose my sanity as the list goes down 😅

(*) My fave is Husk, the Rosie, then Al, then Vox, then Angel 😊

This is all just my opinons; Please let me know what you agree with, what you disagree with, where you would put each song and why - id love to hear it xxxx

[discodeviant]

Queen B

Billy/Steve | Mature | 2.1k

I have. a lot of feelings about them. so many. this is but a fraction lol, please enjoy <3 <3 Also the mirroring bingo cards were wholly unintentional--happy little accident 🥰

Read on AO3 Made for @steveharringtonbingo and @billyhargrovebingo!

“Hey.”

It wasn’t exactly romantic.

“Look at you waitin’ up for me. How cute.”

Nor was it the best kept secret they had.

“We doing this or what? Twenty seconds down.”

Billy just smirked. “Twenty-three… twenty-four…” Billy did a lot of things to Steve that may or may not have been intentional, but keeping him on his toes was evidently crucial to keeping Steve all to himself. This used to be the King’s closet—next to the nurse’s office where the last camera down the hallway didn’t quite reach. This used to be where half the girls covered him in lip gloss and shitty mall perfume, broke nails on his khakis, swore they were in love with him and said they were better than the rest.

“You’re confident today.”

Closer and closer, Billy bit his tongue as that smirk grew into a wicked, heathenish thing and poked into the goopy center of Steve’s stomach. Billy’s finger on his chest did the same thing, and every girl Steve ever laid eyes on paled in comparison to those hands. Billy bit his nails right down to the quick, was lucky on days he didn’t make them bleed and tint his pearly-whites with pink; roughed up Steve’s dick with palms that hadn’t seen lotion a day in their lives, but they didn’t need to. Not for Steve. Not when Steve made like a leaky faucet the second Billy got down on his knees.

“Think I can’t work my magic in six minutes?”

“Try five and a half. C’mon, man…”

Oh, Steve knew he could. Billy would have made him shoot in less than two if he didn’t have so much fun dragging it out until Steve had to beg him for enough time to clean up. He wondered why Billy liked torturing him so much, why Billy didn’t seem to mind being a new reason he was miserable every waking second they were in the same room. Got off on it, probably. Snuck to the bathroom to rub one out nice and filthy all over the memory of those pathetic, choked moans Steve swore were dead silent in his own bed. They really were, and Billy said yeah, okay, sure, Harrington.

“Whatever you say, pretty boy.”

It was still a threat, most likely. Tell anyone and he wouldn’t be so pretty anymore, but each one sounded a little more genuine than the last, and Steve was starting to think Billy just wanted to swallow every brain and sperm cell he had left.

This was one of those times that looking at Billy made Steve a little queasy. Backwards, maybe, like he should have been getting on his knees for a girl to beg for him the same way he begged for Billy with his hands in those golden curls and face between his thighs. Should have been him on his knees for Billy so he wouldn’t have to see how much better Billy was at sucking dick than the girls ever were. He didn’t need artificial stain to make his lips pop like sweet cranberry wine; they just did, and Steve just liked it, and Steve wouldn’t admit that he wanted to be the only one Billy’s lips went all red like that for. His cheeks too, when Steve called him baby or returned the pretty boy like he meant it or something. They both knew he didn’t; he was just compensating.

Billy’s mouth wasn’t on him until three minutes had gone by in such rapid agony, Steve thought the bell would ring any second. He checked his watch, listened to Billy laugh against his jeans before taking him whole without another glance. “Fucking Christ—Bil—hoohhhmygod—“ He closed his eyes until those blunt nails dug into his hip, a demand, like fucking look at me, asshole. Steve wouldn’t have said no. He forced his eyes open through bleary lust and whatever that sick feeling still was that got worse the deeper he sank into blue that looked grey under the dull yellow light bulb. Something good about them doing this before lunch, he supposed.

It caught in his throat when Billy’s lashes fluttered at him like the wings of a dusty butterfly taking off after such a short visit. Billy squinted, blinked away tears when he choked himself too suddenly, smiled around Steve’s cock like nothing ever happened, and Steve thought he was gonna hurl.

There was hardly a minute left before he was thieved of more functioning neurons, and Billy was cleaning up himself, filling the time with his tongue so Steve’s wouldn’t start running like it always did. Something about how good that felt, how hot Billy was with his new earring in, that his hair looked good, was so soft and easy and thank god he waited until after their allotted time to spray it into place. Something stupid that would earn Steve a punch in the groin for going pansy on him because this was closet time, and closet time wasn’t a sacred part of Billy’s daily routine that fucked everything up if it didn’t happen.

Barely ten seconds remained, and Steve was seeing the effects of his losses when his eyes went fuzzy and dark around Billy’s rosy cheeks. He didn’t need makeup at all for Steve to want with every inch of himself there was hardly packed back into his briefs before he was down on the floor with him. Nothing in Steve’s head to remind him why he never tried this in the first place, meeting Billy’s lips with his own somewhere, at some point in the seven minutes they agreed on months ago. Months—he’d gone months without kissing Billy Hargrove and finally hit his head hard enough on the wall to think it wouldn’t get him a shove in the stomach for trying, but fuck if that split second wasn’t worth every agonizing wheeze.

“What the fuck did I tell you, Harrington.”

“I know, I—I’m sorry—“

“No you’re fucking not. What did I tell you.”

Beep-beep. Beep-beep. Beep-beep.

Any other day, Billy would have been hightailing it to his Honors English Lit. class, but this time he let Steve turn off his watch and kept him firm on his back against the floor, breathing harder than Steve was if that was even possible. “You don’t gotta kiss me like I’m some fuckin’ chick you wanna get your dick wet in.” Anger suddenly turned into… something else. Something strained and seductive, a face he hadn’t made in Steve’s direction before. “I’m better than ‘em anyway, aren’t I?”

Steve scowled, confused and embarrassed and—“Yeah.”

And whatever face Billy wore melted away in an instant. Angry again. Pink over his freckles that almost hid them entirely. “The fuck…” He still hovered over Steve like a cat, like he was confused and pawing for an answer that never came. Then the bell rang, and shuffling feet and laughter and voices meant they couldn’t leave, meant their seven minutes were becoming eight, nine, ten, eleven in the time between classes when they usually blended back into the crowd one at a time, not thinking of each other until the next day. Thinking of Billy too much, in Steve’s case, and maybe hoping Billy thought of him too sometimes.

“I mean… sorry? Thought you kinda figured that.” Billy got off of him then, still on the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and sitting across from him. Steve mirrored it. “When was the last time I even brought a girl in here?”

“How the hell would I know, I’m not—“ Billy grumbled instead of saying whatever he was gonna say, and Steve would have loved to know what was on his mind. Or who. Tommy? Nancy? Some other dipshit Steve pretended to be friends with? Billy licked his lips, probably trying to get the Harrington taste out of his mouth. First Steve’s spunk, then his spit, and Steve didn’t know which would be worse.

He chuckled. “Shit, you hate the thought of kissing me that bad, huh. Message received.” Hated himself a little bit, and the queasy was turning violently ill as it rose up to his heart and dared to squeeze it dry.

“No, I fucking don’t, that's the whole—“ Another one of Billy’s faces, and his hands went in the air, and he rolled his eyes, and he grumbled again. “Goddammit. God-fucking-dammit.” Dug his fingers in that sickeningly soft hair of his that Steve wanted to dive his nose into and breathe until it webbed in his lungs. When Billy curled in on himself tighter, Steve loosened and crawled towards him on all fours like a dog. He slipped himself between Billy’s knees and pulled him down further, got that hand in his own and held it right against his chest. Dipped down a little lower, then, brushing their noses together, the part of his lips to Billy’s cupid’s bow. Billy pushed back against his chest without much strength, just a huff through his nose and a short swipe of his tongue between his lips. “Steve.”

“Billy.”

“Ugh. You’re annoying, you know that?” Steve smiled wider, dared to press harder against Billy’s face and memorize the texture in every inch if it killed him.

“A little bit.” Billy squirmed but made no move to push Steve away, so they stayed right where they were, pressed to each other close and even closer to a real kiss if they’d ever make it that far. “Please?”

“Please what!”

“Let me kiss you,” Steve said, soft and sweet and every bit as sickening as he hoped it would be every time. The way Billy let himself melt away when Steve purred into his ear and whispered things only special people got to hear, it did more things to Steve than he could ever know.

“I’m not your fucking girlfriend,” Billy told him, and Steve sighed. Rolled his eyes.

“I’d be showing you off if you were, asshole.”

Billy clicked his teeth and grimaced. “No you wouldn’t.”

“Try me,” Steve said, and Billy shoved him off before pulling him back in close, and Steve let himself fall right over on top.

“You’re—“

“Ruggedly handsome and totally winning you over?”

“Who’s confident again? Christ.” Steve laughed. “You’re a moron. Not winning shit, Harrington. In your dreams.”

“Not even second place?”

“Second to who, huh?”

“I knew it!”

“Whatever.”

And it was quiet again for a while. Five, ten, twenty minutes overtime, and neither wanted to go back to class. They’d propped their backpacks under their heads and snuggled into each other amidst chemical jugs and mops and brooms and dust. Steve didn’t try to kiss him again, but Billy took a bite out of his earlobe, so he took it as a compromise. A promise for later, he hoped. Something to take home if Billy didn’t want to come with him just yet, and suddenly Billy did a hundred more things to him that he couldn’t fathom for anything but the steam in his chest. It choked him out. He coughed.

“Gotta quit smoking so much, Stevie,” Billy said, mumbled against his shoulder. “Not good for you.”

“You shut up.” Billy laughed, then he sat up and kept a hand on Steve’s chest. Blinked around the small space they were cramped up in. Yawned. Looked back at Steve, who frowned and scratched his lower back. Steve just wanted to take him in like this, frizzy and red-faced from the nap in Steve’s arms he’d just woken up from. The light barely made his lashes glow, but somehow they did a little anyway. They made Steve’s heart tremble. “Wanna come over?”

Billy looked down. “Care to elaborate?”

“To my house.” Steve shrugged. “I live there. Know my way around. Got food and movies and shit, you know. House stuff.” Billy took a sharp, deep breath and yawned again, stretched his arms out without giving an answer. “Parents aren’t home if that’s what you’re worried about.” So Steve sat up and got to his feet, held a hand out for Billy which he groused over about not being princess to the king or whatever but took anyway.

Steve walked out first and told Billy to be outside in three minutes, and he was. They rode separately but close together enough that Billy had no trouble following him as if he didn’t know where Steve’s house was already, didn’t drive by when he should have been in class. Steve knew he did at night sometimes, and maybe that was why he didn’t put up so much of a fight about being invited. Billy wanted to, and he kissed Steve for real the second they got past the front door, and Steve was a leaf in the wind.

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | Miami Vice (Mann, 2006)

I last saw this movie nine years ago, when my awareness of the original TV series only was through parodies like Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and a general consensus I’d encountered that it was just some cheesy ‘80s cop show. And at the time I was pretty taken with its arthouse action movie stylings, if I can glibly summarize what the movie’s trying to do. So I was long overdue for a rewatch, especially after I’d spent the second half of last year going through the series. And listen, there’s no way I can be fully objective about any comparisons between the two, given that I could not shut up about the show the entire time I watched it and in the months since, and how obsessively I’ve rewatched the first encounter between Crockett and Tubbs and the subsequent chase scene on Youtube, and the fact that I still regularly listen to Jan Hammer’s score. So there may be a tinge of “this isn’t the Miami Vice I remember” fanboy whining to this.

But while this is on the surface a different beast, I don’t actually think it’s as divorced from the original series as seems to be the consensus. Michael Mann obviously has certain interests that he returns to, and there will be similarities in how you explore international drug dealing wherein Miami is a nexus, even if the particulars of how such crime is conducted differs across decades. But the sense of mood I don’t think is actually that divorced from the series, with its iconic music-video style needledrops that let you linger in feeling, it’s just now the music featured is way worse. (I’m a musical luddite and don’t listen to much past the mid ‘90s, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but I do think Mann’s taste in music here is substantially worse than it was in the ‘80s.)

Mann is applying a mumbly distanced arthouse style to the dramatics here, which is a novel choice given that action movies about drug dealers tend to be high on the dramatics. But quite frankly I’ve lost my tolerance for mumbly distanced arthouse style over the years, and I think it’s an especially bad mix with most of the performances here, which this time around I found bizarrely hammy. John Ortiz plays the main villain like he’s in an SNL sketch, and there’s an especially embarrassing scene where Naomie Harris and Eddie Marsan shout at each other in their respective shitty accents. Some of the actors seem to be channeling their TV counterparts but doing it way worse, like Colin Farrell doing a bad take on Don Johnson’s growl but also dropping it with every second line, or Barry Shabaka Henley trying to evoke Edward James Olmos’ minimalism and precision but instead coming off as a sleepy nonentity. The only good performances here are by Jamie Foxx, whose charisma survives Mann’s smothering dramatic style, and Tom Towles, whose unsavoury aura pierces through it not unlike how the better guest stars’ presences would emanate in the original series. Others seem to be taken with Gong Li’s performance, but I found her dialogue too stilted, and whatever emotion is supposed to be there between her and Farrell I did not feel at all this time around.

All that being said, the visual style did still work for me this time around. A lot has been said by smarter people than myself about Mann’s use of digital cinematography. I will point out collapsing effect of the digital image, both in its sense of depth (which makes the over the shoulder shots in the action scenes especially immediate) and in colour (with lights becoming bright smears and shadows crushing in their darkness) and the tension between the movie’s stylization and verisimilitude are summarized somewhat poetically in the dialogue. “Fabricated identity and what’s really up collapse into one frame.” And the art direction here is much more muted than in the original series (not a lot of pastel or neon here), but I do think the way the digital image makes the texture of the fabrics shimmer makes for a pretty interesting visual flourish.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s8e3 heartache (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

another jackles directed episode. hold on to your butts.

oh boy they're in minneapolis, i lived there for 8 years? 7? *trying to calculate the year based on my oldest being 3.5 when we moved....* ok yes, 7. anyway. lake! no wait, river. wait, that's actually the minneapolis skyline. i worked downtown for a while. did you know the mississippi river goes through minneapolis? (i did not before i moved there)

cool thing about minneapolis?? skyways! enclosed walkways between buildings downtown so you don't have to go outside because it's fucking cold in the winter: The Minneapolis Skyway System is the largest contiguous system of enclosed, second-level bridges in the world—composed of 9.5 miles of pathways connecting 80 city blocks. all right. weird. getting nostalgic. MOVING ON

oh babes with the orange faces, again. i am so sorry.

SAM [slowly] Farmers' market. [He holds up the apple.] Organic. What? I had a year off. I took the time to enjoy the good things. DEAN While avoiding doing what we actually do. SAM Wow, Dean, does it make you feel that much better every time you say it? DEAN All right, man, look, I get it. You took a year off to do yoga and play the lute, whatever, but I'm back. Okay, we're back, which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We'll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die so that you can shop for produce?

i so do not like this conflict. putting all this weird shit on sam, taking the year off from hunting and settling down because he thought dean was dead, that's fine! whatever! maybe that's in character maybe not, i dunno! but having him totally fail kevin.. maybe you could argue without dean he stops caring about anyone? but i don't think it's that deep :p (also the whole girlfriend dog situation)

so i think they wrote sam into a shitty situation. i think dean is being extra asshole-ish about it. i'm mad at everyone in this scenario

DEAN All right, case is coming together. Things are coming together, man. You and me. It is all good. [SAM doesn’t respond.] Hey. SAM What? DEAN What are you thinking about, organic tomatoes? SAM Uh, I'm not thinking about anything. DEAN I don't know about you, but this last year has given me a new perspective. SAM I hear you. Believe me. DEAN I know where I'm at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you.

oh, dean. why'd they set you up like this. (lol also it sounds like he smacks sam's leg when he says right here *pat*)

SAM Makes sense. DEAN Yes, it does. SAM Or... maybe you don't need me. I mean, maybe you're at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody. DEAN Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff. SAM Look, I'm not saying I'm bailing on you. I'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something. DEAN So, what we do doesn't count?

what year is this, i feel like we've been down this road enough. i can come up with good justifications but i don't think again the show is doing the work to support that.

DEAN Well, this is gonna singe your axons.

what?

pretty!

SAM So, everybody knows about Brick's football career, obviously, but no one knows much about his personal life. Was he ever married? MRS HOLMES Just to the game. He gave it everything he had. It's a difficult life.

LOLLL she made him do the sad thinky thoughts how this parallels my life and i can never get married either if i stay married to the job ;( ;( i am so over this plotline lol

looks like we're back to the old desktop again (s8e1 for comparison)

DEAN Uh, oh, got another e-mail here, too. This one is for you. From a university. Answering questions about admissions. SAM Just something I'm looking into. An option. DEAN You're seriously talking about hanging it up? SAM I'm not talking about anything, Dean. I'm just looking at options.

my heart hurt with that one. having no privacy, including email, really sucks. i was in an abusive situation for years where my partner could read my email. that said, sam knows it's shared, he knows dean could very well see it. and well. hurts dean sam wants to leave again. so now i'm hurt by proxy while also being mad at the contrivances of the plot. bah.

DEAN Maybe she moved into Brick's room after he died. Or... DEAN looks at the bed. SAM Oh. Thanks, Dean. Now that image is permanently etched into my retinas.

did the supernatural fraternal incest subtext-bordering-on-text show just make a joke about incest

oh no. get someone better at photoshop, please, it's dick all over again 😭 (looks like we're back to the new desktop)

that's some kind of situation he got himself in

did dean need to almost get his heart ripped out for sammy to learn some lesson about his brother needing him? (nope) *insert imaginary future arguments of "well why don't you just go hunt with benny"*

SAM Dean, listen, when this is over – when we close up shop on Kevin and the tablet – I'm done. I mean that. DEAN No, you don't. SAM Dean, the year that I took off, I had something I've never had. A normal life. I mean, I got to see what that felt like. I want that. I had that. DEAN I think that's just how you feel right now.

continue to hate this lalala

um. okayyyyy

s3e10 dream a little dream of me (dean's dream of lisa)

and he's tearing up over the memory. all right. crisis of faith at the altar of dean.

HAH actually it's like that awful nonsense lisa braeden said, about how the past year was the best of her life - meanwhile dean said he was falling apart and miserable (she deserved better writing) -- except in this case, dean died (presumably) and sam moved on and it ~WAS (apparently) THE BEST YEAR OF HIS LIFE~ (he also deserves better writing)

good luck getting down here to my deep thoughts when you gotta wade past a glowing review of minneapolis minnesota first

[crystalelemental]

So, damage calc updates from the chart, because I think they actually updated the Variety Scout stuff and I was super curious.

Variety Giovanni is officially shitty SS Giovanni, a pair that already sucked pretty bad. His DPS is weaker, his sync negligibly stronger, this is with assumptions of the terrains, and before AoE penalty. This guy's damage is good enough, in that it keeps pace with SS Gio, but its deciding factor in utility is having a second Ground DPS partner. Which is, quite literally, impossible given his garbage speed. He's outright weaker than Cynthia, who has equivalent damage and sync, but infinite Sandstorm sustain. Get fucked, loser.

Okay they didn't actually list anything for the admins. I'll do that myself at the end. But some stuff they did update.

Palmer is hilarious. Even after the factoring of Normal type, he's hitting damage above Maxie. His sync is pretty bad, being notably behind Hugh's potential without the Tech Role, and negligibly stronger with. But I sincerely think Palmer's role is three turns of setup, Support EX sync, then throw hands.

NC Blue's sync is barely stronger than BP Sophocles. Do not use Strike cake on him ever, this was a missed opportunity.

Now, the admins.

Ariana's sync is, as expected, borked. Oleana, with the expected -6 Atk/Sp Atk/Spd and -1 rebuff, hits 77,403 on first sync. Ariana, with Poison, Trap, and -6 Def, hits for 95,628. Ariana has far fewer debuffs, but Oleana has much more self-sufficient setup. Ariana has the higher potential threshold, so to give an idea of what happens when they're on the same team and you get the Rebuff with -6 Atk/Def/Sp Atk/Spd:

Oleana: 143,339 Ariana: 180,086

Keeping in mind Ariana can also be given a Strike cake to hit AoE, Ariana is easily the best Poison nuke in the game. The trade being harder setup and nonexistent DPS.

Petrel is more DPS focused than sync, but to use the same "paired with Oleana" focus:

Petrel DPS: 12,164 Petrel sync: 47,539

Oleana DPS: 20,081

Drasna DPS: 13,625

Looker DPS: 13,057 Looker sync (no SEUN): 39,292

His DPS is fine. It'd be around Looker-tier damage, with a sync that's slightly better. Petrel exists more for his utility in Piercing Blows and Clear Smog, which is...not particularly worth it unless you really like Gauntlet streaks. Clear Smog

And of course, everyone's favorite fail boy, Archer. Did you know he can't get both sync multipliers and Aggravation? He has to choose between these two very basic skills? Incredible. I opt to drop Speedster Sync 5, and instead pack Cakewalk with Aggravation and Safety Tether. Assuming that:

Archer sync: 66,210 Masked Royal sync: 99,753 Sidney sync: 88,332

Archer "keeps up" with non-EX Masked Royal and Sidney. With equivalent DPS to Sidney so Masked Royal wins that one. And also with the worst stat to debuff because speed is functionally useless outside of multipliers. And he doesn't buff team speed as powerfully as Masked Royal. Archer feels, in totality, like worse Masked Royal who can flinch. Why is he limited at a 0.4% rate? I feel like he could be handed out for free and no one would bat an eye. What, you doubt me?

Nanu, pre-EX Sync: 58,135

A guy with the same attack to flinch, better debuff, and near equivalent sync, is a 4*. Archer, sincerely, you are Giovanni's weakest administrator.

But, in order to be entirely fair to this new Variety Giovanni, a comparison with both Sandstorm and Zone active (assuming Courtney for non V!Gio options):

V!Gio DPS: 17,578 (before AoE penalty) V!Gio sync: 71,700

SS Gio DPS: 29,574 SS Gio sync: 61,031 (91,546 if SEUN is active)

Cynthia DPS: 33,112 Cynthia sync: 88,433

Please note, this is Cynthia at her weakest. This is the utility set with Dust Kicker/Sand Alert 5. She only has two of her four sync nodes, and doesn't take options like Ramming Speed for even stronger DPS. Considering V!Giovanni is a whopping 0.4% rate...just 5/5 Cynthia, bro. Better odds, better damage, more consistent support.

[percontaion-points]

Firstlife chapter 14

Today’s review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 14

“Where are we?” Had the pilot gone off course? 

“East Coast. New York.”

HOW. 

“A battle between the realms,” Archer confirms. “My boss’s men are stopping Madame Bennett’s men from getting close to you.”

This post is in no way promoting suicide. 

But, if I was Ten, I would simply off myself to be done with this bullshit. You guys can’t fucking play nice? Okay, sucks to be you. BYE. 

“Even though. We’ll die to preserve your right to choose. If your choice destroys you—destroys us—so be it. And it will. Destroy us both, I mean. We’ve lost two Conduits in the past five hundred years. We have only two others. If even one is killed, we won’t have enough light to sustain our people for more than a few decades.”

Again, any society that’s that close to the brink of complete and utter collapse deserves to collapse. ANY SOCIETY. NO EXCEPTIONS. 

“When he was first assigned to you, he saw you as a spoiled rich girl with a little too much crazy. Mommy and Daddy are mean to me, boo-hoo. All this torture, wah-wah.” 

“Screw you both. Pain is pain, and if you’ve never been whipped or beaten or injected with poison, your opinion in this matter doesn’t mean jack.”

 “I make light, because you didn’t have to go through any of it. You could have signed with us—”

So is the author going to go tell the prisoners at Guantanamo Bay that they didn’t have to be waterboarded if they’d simply given up state secrets?

“I never debate the truth. You know your answer, so grow a pair of balls and accept it. Stop wasting our time.”

I’m sorry, but if Ten hasn’t made up her mind and chosen by this point, it’s pretty obvious that she isn’t going to. The only ones wasting their time are the spirits who keep trying to convert her. 

I absolutely refuse to consider he died and he’s now Fused with a newborn, that he has a new Firstlife tied to someone else. 

Again, I am in no way promoting suicide.

New idea for Ten: sign with Troika. Kill yourself. Kill yourself again, no matter where you end up. Either hope for fusion and less shitty parents, or hope for literally anything better after the second death. 

Nobody wins! I love this idea.

“What’s the battle about this time?” 

“Myriad wants you out of our safe house.” 

Maybe you shouldn’t have fucking tried to kill a literal child. Hm, you ever think about that? That your actions have consequences?

Killian is alive, and he’s outside the jellyair!

Chapter 14 summary: Archer says that they need to move, even though Ten is hurt pretty bad from the crash. They meet up with Sloan, who is in tears. She said when she went to go try and seduce the pilot, he knocked her out. But before that, he told her that he’d been paid by Myriad to crash the plane so that nobody would get Ten. Basically, if we can’t have her, then nobody should. Despite the fact that this is only convincing Ten that she doesn’t want to side with them. 

They also meet up with Archer’s friend, Deacon. (Not going there.) He drives them to a safehouse, where Archer explains that Myriad cannot enter the grounds. And there’s something around them that prevents other shells from entering, even if they’re from Troika. Outside the house, Deacon is like “I don’t have any sympathy for you, you dipshit human. Waterboarding is nothing in comparison to the torture that you’ll face in purgatory. Besides, your torture was unnecessary, since all you had to do to stop it was to pick a side. Literally any side, and they would have let you go! JFC, it’s not hard! Choose!” Obviously this pisses Ten off something fierce.

A week passes, and Ten is anxious that she hasn’t received word if Killian had his seconddeath or not. 

Archer offers to teach her how to fight, and she agrees. The price is a poem, but at least the narration kind of admits that the poem she offered up was beyond shitty. When they go to the training room, he finally tells her about Dior. He says that she was another girl he was assigned to; he was in love with her. She wanted to be a doctor, and to help everybody, no matter what side they were on. But not only did Killian woo her away from Troika, but he also ensured that she was actively PUNISHED in her secondlife for every Troikain life she helped save. Archer says that she’s in med school right now, and he’s trying to convince her to go to court to get that part removed, but she’d scared. Ten asks to meet her, and he says that he’ll try to arrange it. 

They fight. I don’t give a shit. Killian shows up outside the protective barrier at the end of the chapter. 

[getmemymicroscope]

Initially, I was really afraid this would just a high-budget version of Vaah! Life Ho Toh Aisi! or Fatso! - neither are bad movies, but neither really call for a high budget remake either. Luckily, it's not really that.

The idea is interesting enough, with the game show and everything. The bigger issue, really, is the message that seems to come from the movie.

After the 3rd round - all failed attempts, CG mentions that "no contestant has ever gotten this many black balls this quickly." Which implies that people aren't failing all 3 rounds - and therefore suggests that a fair number of people are "winning". Which it seems to imply, as is the case for our protagonist, that it doesn't matter how much of an ass you are in life, because you'll be able to win the game anyways. Not sure that's a message you really want to be sending.

Then there's the whole "lifeline" thing - implying that even if you're doing poorly, you can still use lifelines to turn things around. Again, another idea of "do whatever you want in life, because you can totally win this game and avoid hell." Which... um, hm. You'd think CG would have a better strategy than this to find who deserves another shot and who doesn't.

In one instance, he sends Sidharth's character - I think the jealousy round- back to earth to prove he can be better at a job than his wife. But the comparison they make is his fully-trained wife versus a completely untrained him. Like, clearly if he's saying "I can be better," it implies he's passed the test and actually been trained. So it's like comparing apples and oranges. Which, I mean, sure - clearly they were playing his scene as utterly for comedy and hers as overly dramatic and with some sort of social message.

Unrelated - Rakul Preet Singh is absolutely gorgeous. And her character here is pretty cool, even when stuff around her is sorta messy.

Then you have the scene/song with Nora Fatehi ... another unrelated note: the songs are really good. Manike is soothing and already a repeated listen, even if I don't understand half the lyrics; Dil De Diya Hai was great in Masti and remains great; and Sidharth/Rakul song is also nice ... which is a bit odd, but hey, they needed an item song. What's crazy, though, is that CG 'helps' him (I think that's what they're showing by having him make her notice Sidharth?) while also being the lifeline to avoid any mistakes - and then, later, he takes it as a 'betrayal' that Nora gave her number to Sidharth? Like, that's not even his doing - it's hers! So calling that a 'betrayal' and changing the results is very ... well, it almost makes CG the bad guy. Which, I'm not sure that was the point of the movie. Like, if someone of CG's position is cheating to win a game, well - yeah, that's another message you probably don't want to send.

That 'twist,' when it happens, is a bit shocking only because you haven't really given it much thought (until, maybe, CG brings it up just passively and makes you think about it). More frustrating, and going back to the first point - well, I know this is sort of a feel-good/comedy movie, so they're not going to go all Sanam Re on you - but you walk away with this general feeling of "you can be shitty in life, because you can fix it later without issue," which is a dreadful message to be putting out into the world. In reality, the ending should've been with his second visit to CG being the completion of his story.

I did enjoy this movie, for the most part, messages and unnecessarily over-dramatic scene aside, but if you think too much about what this movie is saying, it really can ruin things.

Oh, and one more thing: after everything that happens, when he revisits CG's game show-land, he gets a rousing applause from everyone and a hug from his dad. They're celebrating him - after he just tried to attempt suicide. That's what they're celebrating. Sure, he's doing it "for a good reason" (again, the messages this movie gives are absolutely horrific!), but still, it's suicide.

I mean, maybe it's not 'as bad' after 2 hours of 'be an ass to everyone, it's fine,' but still, it's not a good message to be sending.

Maybe I'll just stick with Manike - it's harder to overthink the message when you don't even understand half the lyrics. Plus, it's soothing and peaceful.

[butchratchettruther]

Thinking about how comedically bad nearly all of my partners have been

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Twilight's vampires and werewolves worked like the classic Hollywood cliche versions of their myths, rather than the idealized sexier version we get in the books? Is Bella still as enamored, and does she still try to become a vampire despite the downsides?

The Obligatory Rant

...

Anon.

Have you seen Hollywood vampires and werewolves?

First, it's really quite across the board, there are a lot of different interpretations of vampires and werewolves in Hollywood alone. You have An American Werewolf in London, Let the Right One In (American Adaptation), Dracula, that shitty Van Helsing movie from 2004, and so many others I'm not even going to list them. Some of them are markedly different.

Second.

Vampires are all about sex.

Werewolves can go either way, depends how frisky the director is feeling, but vampires are nearly always about sex. There are examples where they're not, but I could probably list them on one hand. Meyer, I'd say actually, has some of the least sexy vampires I've ever seen in that they're not ripping the bodices off maidens. The original famous Dracula story centers around Dracula's pursuit of multiple women to turn into brides. Now, that one was a bit less erotic about it, but watch most Hollywood movies of vampires and the blood drinking is a very erotic act.

If there's a vampire then there's usually a Draculina hanging about.

It's why people generally pick the vampire in whatever story they're doing: it's the sexy bodice ripper evil.

Twilight is strange in that our narrator Bella is the only person on the planet in her universe who thinks that a) vampires drinking her blood is an intensely romantic action and b) that vampires are sexy. Oh, vampires are certainly pretty, but remember that canonically (as in this is explicitly canon) to every other human character but Bella, they also look like walking crystalline statues with lizard eye colors who look dangerous. They scream predator, through a normal narrator, they're the stars of the horror film.

As it is Bella's more... romantic about it than sexual. Oh, she wants to do the deed, but that's in comparison to Edward who doesn't want to have sex at all. As it is, we never get the bodice ripping, erotic blood drinking, sexy vampire times that you get in nearly every other vampire media.

As for the shapeshifters, being a shapeshifter doesn't make them sexy, they look decidedly normal and human. They just get uncomfortably swol. (Doubly so as I try not to picture who is supposed to still be baby faced but with the body of a 26-year-old man).

Come On, Muffin, On with It?

Which cliches?

If we're going with most of what I've seen from Hollywood, then Bella may still go with it. The vampires are still sexy (dare I say sexier as Edward would easily consent to have sex with her to make her a bride of Dracula and wouldn't crush her with his ungodly vampire strength).

Now, they may turn into hideous gargoyles upon revealing their true form. But Bella wouldn't find this out until far too late as Edward would be seducing her as a true manifestation of sexy evil. (The true vampire way). Or else his much more human looking good-looking face is his true form and we're in one of those series.

The key is that it has to offer her a means of changing herself entirely into something she wishes to be. In the Cullens' case it was young, rich, beautiful, graceful, and perfect in every way. Bella doesn't want to be Bella Swan, that's the key.

Now, if Edward's kind of a lame vampire who doesn't look much better than anyone else, if Bella wouldn't fundamentally change to become what she perceives as a better version of herself then she's not going to go for it.

Edward has to be special.

[ijwrsmff]

Hello there

This one is a bit lengthy but can i please get headcanons of the straw hats reaction to an admiral reader(gender neutral please) who quits the marine to join them, and is at first is distrusted but does something to gain theirs trust

I hope it's not too much trouble

It's no trouble at all! I really like this idea, it was a ton of fun to write! I hope you enjoy it ^^

Luffy:

He found you during a fight with the marines

He noticed...you were so much stronger than the marines you were fighting with

Maybe not strong in comparison to Luffy...but he was extremely powerful so comparing to him isn’t fair

He saw you deal what should have been a finishing blow to his crewmates…

But for some reason you never hit them hard enough to kill them

Down them, sure...but never kill

He makes quick work of the other marines, and approaches you with a smile

“Join my crew!”

You looked at him baffled

“Quit the marines and throw away all my hard work to become an admiral because some...kid thinks I would be a good match for his crew? No thanks.”

Luffy left it at that, but knew he’d see you again soon

You encountered him once more at a nearby island

“Is...is that offer still on the table?”

He grinned wide and pulled you by your hand to his ship

He couldn’t put his finger on it...but something was special about you

He just knew the crew would love you

After they get over their initial distrust that is

But Luffy? He trusted you already

No hesitation, he knew you had a good heart and that’s what really mattered

Zoro:

He didn’t trust you...at all

He would go silent when you talked to him, giving you the silent treatment

He didn’t trust the marines...how was he supposed to know you weren’t there as a spy?

You tried to talk to him a couple times...but he just pretended he was sleeping

One day, he was up in the crow’s nest training and you walked in

“Mind if we spar? It’s been a while since I was able to.”

Since you left the marines

He huffed but gave a firm “sure”

He didn’t go easy on you, which surprised him when you handled yourself fairly well

You parried his attacks, and gave a few good jabs of your own

He respected your strength

He still won...but he expected to beat you within seconds

Not minutes, nearly half an hour of sparring

From then on, he’ll make small talk with you

Every once in a while he’ll go to take a nap and he’ll pull you down to lay beside him

He also sits next to you at the dinner table, even helping you fend off Luffy when he tries to steal your food

Overall...he respected strength. And if Luffy chose you...you were here to stay

Once he starts to trust you, he’ll protect you at all costs

Nami:

She trusts Luffy’s decision...but that doesn't mean she has to trust YOU

She won’t go out of her way to be mean...but she won’t help you if it means bending over backwards

She interrogates you, wanting to know why Luffy had chosen you

After days of interrogation on and off...she thinks she sees why

You were unhappy in the marines

Sure...you managed to become an admiral...but the happiness you had hoped to feel just wasn’t there

She discovered that in the short time you’ve been on this ship, you’ve felt happier than you ever did in the marines

She’ll be nicer after that, slowly building up her trust in you

“Want me to show you how I chart the islands we go to?”

Even if cartography wasn’t your thing, you figured it would help get you closer to Nami

After that, you would spend hours upon hours with Nami

She can be very...very protective

So once she trusts you, any comments about you that weren’t warranted she’d defend you

She wants to get closer to you, and spends the majority of her time with you

Either sitting on the deck or working on her maps

She even tells Sanji off if he starts to bother you, making the hearts in his eyes break

She’ll protect you...and she knows in her heart you’d protect her too

Usopp:

He is so...so scared of you at first

You were an ADMIRAL

How could you just give up that position to join a crew?

Doesn’t trust you for a good long while

He’s convinced you’re a spy

He lets his imagination get to him, and that drives a wedge between you two

You don’t blame him...the situation is sketchy, but you were genuine

You would spend all the time needed to get the crew to trust you

After only being with them a short period of time...you trusted them with your life

And that’s never happened before

In the marines...people wouldn’t go out of their way to save another if it meant getting hurt in the process

During battle, you stepped in front of Usopp and took a harsh blow, forming a long slash across your chest

After that...he’s significantly nicer to you

He visits you in the infirmary and looks...troubled

“What’s wrong Usopp?” You give him a concerned look

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you save me...you’re hurt now. Because of me.”

You smiled at him...so he did care

This was a good first step

Maybe eventually you can become even closer

Sanji:

He’s reluctant to trust you at first, but Luffy seems to see something in you…

Just like he saw something in him

So he tries to get closer to you, even going so far as to not flirt with you

Not until he got to know you better

The first time he really began to see the trust between you building was a regular day

Nothing particularly special about it, except you went into the kitchen while he was cooking

“Mind if I help?” It was your attempt to get closer to him

“Of course! Here, I need this mixed.”

You cooked together in relative silence, small talking every once in a while

Overall it was...nice

It was a bonding experience and he cherished it

That day, he sat next to you at the dinner table

You gave him a wide smile, which he returned

He would defend you to anyone who spoke ill of you after that

He could be quite protective, and it showed

Especially to Zoro, who made comments about your being a spy (which only made Usopp and Chopper panic more about the situation)

“Hey marimo! They don’t deserve the bullshit you’re throwing at them. Back off.”

“What are you gonna do about it, shitty cook?” A smirk formed on Zoro’s face

Oh dear...it looks like they’re fighting again

You went to speak up, but Nami stopped you

“They get like this sometimes. Though it’s impressive how quick Sanji was to take the bait this time...I think he likes you.” She gives you a wink and your face flushes

Who knows what the future will bring...all you know? Is that you made the right choice to join this crew

Chopper:

He wants to trust you...he really does

But the nagging fear of you hurting his crew is at the back of him mind

He avoids you, not wanting to risk getting hurt

Once you get injured in battle...he realizes how unfair it was that he did so

“I’m sorry y/n...you’re hurt. Please follow me to the infirmary.”

He keeps it relatively formal, only talking when he needed to do something to check on you

“Would you...come back in a couple days so I can check on the wound and how it’s healing?”

You gave him a smile “yes doctor! Thank you!”

“Hehe you don’t have to thank me I don’t deserve your thanks I was just doing what I’d do for any of our crew!” He swayed back and forth, his paws on his face as he smiled

You could swear you saw flowers around him…

After that, he invited you to play games with him, Usopp, and Luffy

While Usopp was still reluctant, Luffy was 100% on board

“Come on y/n! Play with us!” Chopper smiled up at you and...well...there’s no way you could say no to his adorable face

So you joined in

It was fun...more fun than you thought possible to have

You laughed as Chopper tagged you, and you spun around picking him up in a hug

“Chopper...thank you.”

He smiled and laughed, “for what? Tagging you?”

You shook your head, putting him down

“No...for being a good friend.”

And he was, he was your best friend. You grew closer to him in the days following and you were certain you made the right decision

Robin:

She knows what it’s like to not be trusted by the crew initially...but at least with her it was one pirate to another

You were a marine

And not just a marine...but an admiral

She is reluctant to trust you, but will give you the benefit of the doubt

She spends a lot of time with you, gauging if you’re a threat to her crew or not

She would sacrifice herself for any one of them...you’re no exception

She almost thinks its her JOB to determine if you’re a threat or not

It wasn’t until your first battle together that she finds she trusts you

You give her a look, and she knows to use her devil’s fruit

You both coordinate perfectly together, and it shows your trust

She has only battled so flawlessly with her crew...which means you’re entirely one of them now

She will defend you from that fight forward, and stands up for you when the others express their doubts

“Y/n? Would you like to read with me?” She pats the spot next to her and smiled at you

“Of course! What are we reading today?”

The two of you grow closer and closer, spending hours upon hours just...enjoying each other’s company

She looks at your smile and knows...she would do anything to keep that happy smile on your face

Franky:

He doesn’t trust you...but he doesn’t...NOT trust you

He’s reluctant to get close, but finds it’s really easy with you

He’s newer to the crew, but he trusts Luffy’s judgement

So he doesn’t have any reason not to give you a chance

He’ll spend time with you, requesting you sit in his workroom as he works on a specialized weapon for you

Over that time, you make a lot of small talk

It brings you closer together

“Y/n! What do you think?” He’ll say holding up your now finished weapon “Pretty super, right? Don’t you just love it?” He has a look of pride on his face that makes you grin

You take the weapon into your hands and feel the weight is perfect

Not light, but not overly heavy either

“Thank you Franky!” You jump up to hug him and miss seeing his face turn a dark crimson

“O-of course! Anything for a crewmate!” He hugs you back, lightly as if he’s afraid he’ll break you

This makes you laugh, “Franky...I was an admiral remember? I won’t break from a hug!”

“Well then...take this!” He lifts you up, spinning you around in circles

You both laugh, pulling each other closer and closer

Once he sets you down you see the fleeting color of pink on his cheeks

You were sure your face mirrored the same color

He knows in that moment he would protect you

Even if you didn’t need it

Maybe...protect isn’t the right word

It sounds so...one sided

“I’ll protect you...will you protect me?” He looks sheepish, almost as if he hated asking

You lean up and kiss his cheek

“I’ll protect you Franky. I’ll protect all of us...this crew...it’s special.”

He nods, knowing exactly what you meant

“Then we’ll protect each other.”

And it was settled

Brook:

As soon as you stepped onto the ship he approached you

“Your name is y/n...correct?”

“Yup! That’s me!”

He leaned down so your…”eyes” were level with each other

“Can I see your panties?”

SLAP

“...is that a no?”

It’s safe to assume...he doesn’t judge you for being an admirable

Though seeing some of the crew be distant from you...it only motivates him to speak to you more

You looked tired after playing with the crew on deck, so he approached you

“Would you like me to play you a song to help you sleep?”

You stared wide eyed, not knowing he was the musician on the ship

“Sure! Would you...maybe be able to teach me how to play an instrument?”

“Which instrument would you like to learn?”

You hummed, “I’m not sure. I’ll get back to you on that.”

And so he played you a song

It put not only you, but Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper to sleep

He would have grinned if he could, and looked over his crewmates with love

As he finished the song he looked at you once again

“Sleep well y/n...I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[goingmorry]

Hello! Can you write monster trio reaction to someone flirting with their crush? Please ☀💛

[One Piece Headcanons] Monster Trio -> when someone flirts with their crush

Characters: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji Tags: female reader, jealous boys Author's Note: Thank you for the request! I love me some jealous boys. There's something about it that just hits right with me. 💖

MONKEY D. LUFFY

One clueless boi.

Figures out that he has a crush on you when he explains how he feels about you to Usopp.

Doesn't quite know how to express his feelings for you in a way that you'll understand.

Interrupts the other person from flirting with you.

"Hey, I found you!"

Barging in from god knows where, Luffy interrupts the man's playful antics by sandwiching himself in the tight space between you and the stranger.

Caught off-guard, the flirtatious man begins to shove the pirate captain away from his face, resulting in Luffy's muscular torso squeezing against your much softer one. The feel of his solid body against yours is enough to cause you to blush, prompting you to create some distance by pushing him away to the side.

"Listen, pal—" the man begins, about to give the straw hat pirate a piece of his mind for violating your personal space, but not before getting rudely interrupted again.

"Who's this guy?"

"An acquaintance," you pipe up instantly in response to your captain's inquiry, omitting the piece of information where this stranger spent the last twenty minutes hitting on you.

Apologizing for your captain's childish behavior, you give him a brief rundown of who precisely the straw hat-wearing pirate is.

"I'll call him porcupine from now on," Luffy says, pleased with the nickname given to the man sitting across from you, "Since he has spiky brown hair that reminds me of a porcupine!"

"I appreciate you taking the time to ask me out," you address the stranger, grabbing hold of Luffy's stretchy arm in the process, "But I don't think this is gonna work."

Pleased with the way events were unfolding, Luffy flashes you a toothy grin to which you cock an eyebrow in response.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"I-I don't know what you mean," he says, puckering his lips to the side. A telltale sign of an obvious lie.

You can't help but feel ridiculous for having a crush on the most insufferable pirate captain in all of existence, hoping that he, too, feels the same way as you do.

RORONOA ZORO

Only recently comes to terms with his feelings for you.

Hasn't figured out how he'll confess.

After all, romantic love is uncharted territory for him.

Won't really do anything unless he feels that you're in danger.

Pretends to be preoccupied with something else; ends up eavesdropping on your conversation with the flirtatious individual.

Inwardly though, he's more bothered than he lets on.

"Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee with me? I'd love to show you around town," the man says to you earnestly.

The sound of steel clashing against metal echoes loudly enough to startle people, their heads swiveling toward the origin of the noise.

In the corner of the room, the one-eyed swordsman sits upright, body tense in concentration while meticulously polishing Wado Ichimonji, one of his three signature blades.

Zoro ignores the curious looks thrown his way, focused instead on your interaction with the man in front of you.

The stranger's proposal was genuine enough. Objectively, he was undoubtedly an attractive man. Friendly and polite too from your conversations with him throughout the night.

He just... wasn't your type.

You were more interested in rougher-looking men. Someone who was strong but would never abuse their strength to harm the weak. Someone who was stoic but also had a heart of gold. Someone like—

Zoro glances in your direction, seeing the hesitation on your face in accepting the man's offer.

"Sorry, I don't think I can make it. I promised to do something with a friend," you explain, settling with a half-assed excuse for fear of confrontation.

It wasn't exactly a lie, not really. You did have plans to retrieve some supplies with a certain green-haired swordsman, though they weren't until much later in the day. But this man didn't need to know that.

Zoro wouldn't mind if you used him as an excuse.

The Pirate Hunter's shoulders relax considerably at your statement, switching his attention from you back to his current task.

Face expressing his disappointment at your rejection, the man's posture visibly deflates. "Maybe the next day then?" he adds as an afterthought.

Biting your lip guiltily, you shake your head, stray hair falling across your forehead. "Sorry, I can't. Our crew is leaving tomorrow night."

"Damn," the man says, scratching the back of his head in awkwardness before adopting a fake smile — one you choose to let slide. "I'm gonna miss you. After all, it's not every day that I get to meet such a fine young lady with the guts to traverse the terrors of the Grand Line. You take care of yourself, all right?"

"You flatter me," you giggle, cheeks tinged pink at the man's sincere compliment, "And likewise."

At the sound of your unrestrained laughter, Zoro pauses, deeply craving for the moment that he, too, becomes the recipient of your happiness.

SANJI

The person who flirts with you, his precious lady, better prepare for some ass-whooping.

Technically, Sanji can't call you his — not yet — though he has been thinking of the perfect way to confess to you.

Still, even though you're not officially together, he'll never not be feral when you're involved.

Deliberating for a few seconds before gesturing toward you, the stranger places his order with the barkeep and says, "And anything the pretty lady desires."

Pointer finger circling the rim of your shot glass in consideration, you smile at the stranger in gratitude. "In that case, I'll take another round then."

Exchanging a round of pleasantries and small talk, you and the stranger become reasonably familiar with one another.

Familiar enough to know that this man would rather whisk you away to a more private setting than converse with you under the public's watchful eye.

"I know of a better way we can spend the night together," he murmurs suggestively, low enough for you to hear despite the idle chatter in the background.

"Do you now?"

You weren't returning his flirtatious words, but you weren't exactly declining them either until you spot a tuft of blond hair in the corner of your vision, striding toward you with purpose.

When Sanji arrives, he's gushing praise and amorous advances, all for you. Ignored and uncomfortable with watching another man proclaim his underlying love and devotion to you, your newfound drinking buddy clears his throat to get your attention, earning a scornful glare from the cook.

"Who's this shitty and rude bastard?"

Unsurprising to you, Sanji doesn't even try to act civil. Your drinking buddy, however, is astonished by the cook's open hostility, holding up his hands in mock surrender.

Sanji doesn't buy the man's innocent charade, one eye squinting in distrust as he presses on, "I asked you a question."

Leaving out his invitation to you for more lewd nightly activities, your drinking buddy settles for a half-truth, "Just a guy she met at the bar."

Amused with the blond's jealous streak, you decide to cut in before things escalate beyond your control, "Any particular reason you're here, Sanji?"

At the sweet lull of your voice calling his name, the cook resumes his lovestruck behavior with a hint of seriousness when he whispers the sobering news to you, "Marines were recently spotted in town. We're leaving, my dear."

Seizing the opportunity, Sanji offers his hand, palm up, for you to take, and the significance of his action is not lost to you.

You recall his strict policy for only using his hands for cooking — how, as a child, Sanji found solace from abuse by preparing meals for his sickly mother, sparking his lifelong interest in the culinary arts.

Touched, you place your hand in his, a picture-perfect rendition of a prince charming whisking away his lovely bride-to-be. You tell him exactly that, and he graces you with an amused chuckle and a soft smile.

If only people knew the real reason you and him were fleeing the scene.

"Let me be your Mr. Prince then."

Your delicate hand dwarfs in comparison to his larger one, but that doesn't stop you from interlocking your fingers together like two intimate lovers.

Neither one of you says anything else, coming to the same silent conclusion that your growing feelings for each other would have to be addressed sometime soon.

[morgana-ren]

SUBMISSION: How about a nasty sweaty incel shiggy waiting everyday for his dad to go to work so that he could have his relief with stepmom? 

Excellent submission! Love that. Love that a lot! I find it only fair to warn you, however, that I won’t be doing mommy kink for it. Mommy kink is one of my squicks, and one of the very, very few I have. I’ll do the closest thing to it though: Daddy kink. Also I find the irony of him making his little stepmom call him daddy to be absolutely hilarious.

Also this one is a great concept and I love it but it’s going to have to be a multi-parter cause it got a little bit long. Lemme know if you like the concept and I’ll continue it. Also this posted under anonymous for some reason so cheers to tumblr and its endless fucking glitches that it never fixes or seems to make any better.

Warnings: Noncon, dubcon, sexism, really gross incel behavior, nsfl things, masturbation, violent sexual fantasies, nefarious planning, horrible suggestions from even more horrible friends, absolute LOATHING of family, and entitled bastard.

There is only one thing on this planet that Tomura hates more than his father.

Only one thing can even compare to the level of abject disgust he has for his dad. Everything about the man is abhorrent and degenerate, only tolerated because Tomura is, admittedly, a NEET, and had no where else to go after graduation. But if anything- anything- could hold a candle, it would be his taste in women.

All women are trashy on some level, but his dad really manages to find ones that pretend so hard that they aren’t. Vipers behind the veneer of smiling faces clad in red lipstick and smart skirts. Always “kind”, always “thoughtful”, and always fleeting. Fickle, stupid bimbos charmed by his dads surface level charisma to quickly realize just how shallow the pool became.

Even his own mom was like that: She fucked off once she realized staying with him meant staying with his dad, and that was a sacrifice she wasn’t willing to make. So she left him to rot in this cesspit with his worthless father and no other way out.

He figures he can’t hold it against her, not as much as he’d like. A few weeks with his shriveled up paternal figure and most women quickly figure out they can do so much better. It’s in their nature to seek out the best, and that certainly isn’t Kotaro; A bumbling idiot with nothing to offer on the best of days. They don’t know any better, so they never last long after being brought home to meet his son, and those are the ones that even make it that far.

So when he starts yammering on about meeting yet another skank and how ‘in love’ he already is, Tomura’s eyes roll so far back in his head that he swears his retinas will detach. He makes a point to be around as little as possible, but somehow still manages to catch an earful about his latest fling and how excited he is for Tomura to meet her.

Great.

True to his word, Kotaro brings you home one evening, eager to impress his son with his latest catch.

His father had a lot of nerve dragging him from his room to meet you- his latest glorified slut. Adding insult to injury, you had the unmitigated gall to talk down to him like you were an adult and he wasn’t. Even though you had to crane your neck to look up and greet him, you still talked at him like he was some child. So different from you even though you were so much smaller than he was- barely even a few years older than he is, if even that. 

So polite, introducing yourself and gently shaking his reluctant hand, making a point to smile at him and telling him how happy were to finally meet him and that you’d heard so much about him. Your hands were so soft, so little in comparison to his own. He dwarfs his pathetic father, practically towers over you, yet you still talk to him like you’re the adult in the equation.

So young, so pretty, though. Far better than anything his father had a right to pull. They weren’t exactly swimming in cash, the house was nothing in particular to gloat about, and he’d done enough eavesdropping around late at night to know his father suffered a particular… ailment, so it certainly wasn’t sexual satisfaction keeping you around. What was it then? 

Probably nothing. You’d probably run off in a few weeks like they all do.

Kotaro is a worthless sack of drooping skin and aging bones; A ghost of a man not worthy of the phantoms he’s seen pass in his years. No longer the dominant male even in his own home: not with a stronger, more virile son coming into his prime under the roof as well. A beta male at best, withering away while his own son eclipses him in strength and intellect and physique. Tomura is in his mid twenties and blooming- His father… who even knows. He doesn’t care- he doesn’t bother to keep track. 

So, maybe you really are just a dumb little whore. It would make sense. Father dearest always had been a dirty old man; A raging pervert with wandering hands and lingering eyes. Always sets his predatory sights on some cute thing too good for him. 

Then again, the poisoned apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, now does it?

You’re cute enough you could have gotten some alpha at your beck and call, yet you’ve attached yourself to his worthless father who, in turn, parades you around like his most beloved trophy. Taking you to dinners he can’t afford despite your ‘insistence’ that you be allowed to pay, buying you things you claim you don’t need. Oh, how the moron dotes on his whores as if it’s enough to keep them anchored to him.

Strangely though, you don’t run off.

If anything, you sink your claws in even further, getting more and more comfortable and showing up more and more. Every time Tomura leaves his fucking room- which isn’t often- you’re there around the corner, smiling dumb and pretty and greeting him politely.

Fuck, he hates you. Hates your stupid voice, your shitty dresses, hates hearing his father happy for once.

It’s no surprise- but unwelcome no less- that he’d move you in sooner rather than later. Terrified to let you out of his sight for even a second lest you come to what little senses you have in your tiny brain and dump him. Of course, he’s quick to take on all of your burdens as his own, even if it means working overtime to support you. He’s always wanted another little housewife, and now he’s so close.

Tomura listens in on the whole conversation feeling sick to his gut.

You beg him not to- offering to pay your own way just like a good girl, but of course his dumbass dad will hear none of it. He’s more than happy to spend a couple of extra hours at work. His dad is so idiotic, so fucking blind. He’s playing right into it. He’s willing to be your workhorse if it means keeping you all to himself.

He’ll hear none of it. None of the fussing or the questions. You’re welcome in his home, he wants you there. It’s no imposition at all, he knows the house will be better with you around.

Except he forgets one crucial detail-

The son he leaves home alone with you every single day when he leaves. 

You’re nothing but a nuisance, something infringing on his private space. The time he used to get home alone to spend to his own devices is now split with you flittering around the house doing whatever it is bimbos like you do. Cleaning, cooking, pretending to read, whatever. He doesn’t have to see you if he doesn’t want, sure, but he still knows you’re there and that’s more than enough to annoy him.

It’s almost like you catch on to his animosity after a while. The way he won’t greet you back, the way he utterly ignores your existence. It bugs you, and as far as he’s concerned, good.

You try to slip him up, try to get close to him and make him like you. You always set a place for him at the table even after Kotaro repeatedly insists- truthfully- that he’ll never join for dinner. Even then, you always bring the plate to his door. He never bothers to answer- not after the first few times when he only opened it a sliver to see your stupid smiling face. After that, he didn’t bother answering. He’ll eat it of course- won’t pass up free food he doesn’t have to leave his room for- and then leave the dirty dish back outside where you left it. You brought it, after all. You can clean it up. 

All your efforts only get you mocked, and boy do you try so hard to get his affection. He even overhears you whining to his dad once or twice, not understanding why he doesn’t like you.

It makes him smile.

His friends- online of course, but still friends or comrades or kindred spirits or whatever- have more opportunistic ideas about it. His first post to the forum complaining about the new living situation was met with envy and awe- not necessarily the response he was expecting, though looking back on it, he supposes they were right. 

lmpwrst: Why u bitchin’? Ur living with a girl ur not related to and that’s closer than any of us have gotten u ungrateful ass

KingKockRool: Go jerk off on her pillow.

Stacystabber91: take a video hold her down and fuck her then idiot

KingKockRool: No wait till she’s sleeping and jerk it on her face

st8lker: Bet she’s ugly tho if she’s dating your dad lol

Oddly enough, he doesn’t agree. That’s one thing he understands about you, loathe as he is to admit it. His new ‘stepmom’, for all her annoyances, is pretty easy on the eyes. The kinda girl that would have caught his eye in an unrelated situation and earned a permanent spot in his spank bank. Thinking about it, the whole ‘dating his dad’ situation maybe threw off his judgement more than he realized.

He’ll let the jury decide: He finds a photo on your social media, crops everyone else out of it, and hits enter. Easy peasy. He saves it to his hard drive for later too. Might as well.

‘Here, you decide then.’

Thus the shitstorm begins. 

st8lker: Oh fuckkk fuck me mommy lmao

lmpwrst: Opportunity is wasted on u

Stacystabber91: you pussy punk bitch, i stand by what I said earlier. dont be a bitch and fuck the little cunt already

VolceliSwear: Whos the bitch

lmpwrst: Scratchy’s new stepmommy lol 

VolceliSwear: Nice. Hit it yet?

Stacystabber91: he hasn’t cause he’s a gigantic fuckin pussy like i told you all

VolceliSwear: Come on dude you actually have that gash sleeping in your house and you haven’t made a move? 

Stacystabber91: it’s not like she could say no cause you’re a big lanky bastard aren’t you? that’s one thing we got over the shortcels and you’re bigger and stronger than her so take what’s yours idiot or I will 

lmpwrst: I agree with SS lol U complain all the time about not having a hole to fuck and now u do

VolceliSwear: ^^ Isn’t your dad a limp-dicked prick who can’t get it up? Someone’s gotta do it so it might as well be you. Hit the bitch so hard and fast she doesn’t know what way is up

Stacystabber91: and send pics moron I want to see tits or I’m coming over there to do it myself

It’s an… intriguing thought. To be honest, he’s never actually considered fucking you before. Had the passive thought like he does with most girls he sees, but never stopped to think on actually doing it. For some reason, there was a mental wall between him and his father’s girlfriends. But why should there be?

Depraved little bastard that he is, he’s not above cornering a girl and forcing himself on her but he’s not keen on going to jail, so he’s never escalated past creepy photos and following the occasional broad a little too closely. Maybe a couple gropes in passing… okay, maybe a lot. But he’s never gotten caught- maybe the girls don’t report it or just couldn’t find him afterward. Either way, it’s all worked out so far because he doesn’t cross certain boundaries.

Most girls are repulsed by him and his repugnant behavior, so they stay far, far away. It’s like he’s a giant blaring warning sign that they tend to heed instinctively.

But you don’t. 

This is different. You live here, so close to him, so within reach. Just how close you are. How easy it would be for him to force you down and make you take it. Just how much time alone he really has with you since his father leaves and returns like clockwork. He’s got the entire day once his father leaves for work. And all night once he takes his sleeping medication. An easy, pretty little catch already wiggling in his web.

 ‘Maybe I will.’ 

That’s how it starts. 

Snowball into snowstorm.

With an idea and a lot of goading from his online buddies, a monster is born and weaned on his own depravity and escalates into something very real, and very dangerous.

Tomura is achingly familiar with the scene- he’s seen enough porn to give him ample ideas. But he’s got all the time in the world. It’s hard not to rush things considering how eager he is, but it’s safer to test the waters first. Get you nice and scared so you’ll keep your pretty mouth shut unless he tells you to open it for him. See how far he can get, how much he can toy with you before you finally catch on.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll fuck him willingly. You are a stupid little slut, after all. Most of you females are deep down beneath that holier-than-thou, stuck up bitchiness you hide behind.

So he starts with a time honored tradition. He steals your panties. 

The bathroom is cluttered with your shit. Your fruity shampoos and conditioners, your makeup, your perfumes. Tomura has a toothbrush and a comb he doesn’t use, a bottle of 3-1 for when he forces himself into a shower, and a singular gray towel, but the rest is between you and his father. Your body washes, your scrubs, your clothes in the hamper. 

It’s easy enough to fish out a fresh pair- only a couple of hours old. Some lacy contraption you must’ve been wearing beneath your clothes and carelessly left in the bin when you showered. It’s easy to pocket them before you hear him rummaging around, and maybe you’ll miss them, but that’s not his problem. Washer eats things all the time, doesn’t it?

He’s hidden back in his room, safely dodging you before he allows himself to indulge- Bringing them to his nose and inhaling the doubled fabric of the crotch so hard that it catches on the edge of his nostrils. 

Fuck, your cunt smell good- tangy and sweet but the tiniest hint of bitter. A couple of whiffs is enough to get his cock twitching, inflating into a painful hardness as he hears you walking around outside in the hallway. Shit, you’re so fuckin’ airheaded, walking around so oblivious as he tongues at the cloth that was nestled right up against your pussy until a few hours ago. He can taste you, sucking your left over essence through his teeth and he swears he’s going to cream all over the inside of his jeans if he doesn’t jerk off right now. 

He’s quick to drop his sweats and sprawl on his bed, thumbing the tip of his prick and licking gratuitous stripes up the slim of your discarded panties with his tongue. You’d look so good sucking his cock; On your bruised knees, face a slathered mess of cum and saliva and running makeup. Bulge in your throat from taking him so deep and trying so hard to please him like you always do- or maybe avoid a painful punishment because he isn’t above using his hands on you and you learned that the hard way.

The thought of your ruddy, soppy face makes him throb- fucking your wet little throat until you’re suffocating, pulling out to let you breathe only to cum on your face. Yanking you up to bend you over the stove and force you to make his worthless father’s dinner with his spend tacking across your face and his cock lodged deep in your cunt. Worthless fucking sack of shit that his father is, he’d spit in it too and make you serve it to him with a smile while your actual daddy watches you do it and rewards you later with his dick fucking you between your tits.

Fuck yes, that’s what he’ll make you do. He’ll make you call him daddy when he creampies you- the opportunity is too perfect to pass. He’ll fuck his father’s pretty whore as she screams and moans for daddy’s cock while his father is away at work to pay all her frivolous bills like the beta-cuck he is. None of the work and all of the reward- as it should be.

It’s not like Kotaro can fuck you, and his friends are right. Someone should. So why not him? Why not spread your legs for your boyfriend’s younger, more powerful son? Oh, sorry, did he give you the illusion that you had a choice? He’ll take what is rightfully his and there’s not a fucking thing you or his pathetic fucking father can ever do about it.

He plucks your panties from his face, moving them instead to work over his cock. It would feel so much better if you were wearing them- grinding your sweet little cunt against his dick, begging him not to fuck you but getting so wet all the same. The silky fabric feels so good against his hypersensitive skin, coupled with the clenched pumping of his fist as he daydreams about railing you into his filthy mattress until you’re too weak to even move on your own, his cum dripping from every one of your used holes. Limp, useless little whore too fucked out to even fight him as he fucks her in the ass again-

Fantasies swirl in his head, flashes of scenarios that tease him and work him into a frenzy. He’s going to cum hard to the thought filling you, your agonized face as the tip of him knocks against the opening of your womb, buried so deep in your cute pussy that he can feel the wall that keeps him firmly locked out of your guts. So close, so tight, so warm. He’s going to pump you full to the brim like the skank you are, fill you nice and thick full of his seed and then use you again and again and again-

He feels it in his spine, waves of pleasure furling at the base and congealing together impossibly tight, so ready to burst. His thighs flex, muscles in his stomach tightening and breath staggering. Searing white behind dry, clenched eyes and his cock twitches in his palm, knot bursting deep between his legs as his hand stills momentarily. His hands twitch, cock throbbing as thick ropes of cum spill over the slats of his fingers, splattering his stomach and the waist of his sweatpants and all over your adorable little panties. 

“Shit-” 

Shallow, shaky breaths, still seeing stars popping behind his eyelids. Fuck, he hasn’t cum that hard in- well, a very long time. Is it the thought of having something tangible soon? His very own cunt to abuse? Grinning, he looks down at the absolutely drenched pair in his hand, sticky with fresh seed.

He thinks so.

Instinctively, he wipes the excess off his fingers and onto his dirty, rumpled black sheets, swiping across his shirt and his skin. Just another ‘mystery spot’ among the rest, soon to become a crusty, flaked white stain on the fabric among all the preexisting ones.

With some effort on his part, he sits up, still trying to catch his breath. He thought post orgasm clarity might deter him from this path, but if anything, he’s even more determined now. Why should he sit and touch himself in a dark room when there’s a perfectly good set of holes to fuck wandering around freely outside?

Oh yeah, this should work out just fine.

There’s a knock on the door while he’s still wading through his gross thoughts, softly at first but then slightly more insistent. It jolts him alert, irritating him that he’s being bothered when he’s scheming. He’s already finished the dirty dead, all ready to put himself away for now but it’s still jarring none the less when someone comes around so closely to him wanking. A quick dash at the clock tells him it’s not dinner time yet, so what gives? Why are you bothering him now? Nothing is ready yet.

He tucks himself away and quickly buries your soiled underwear in the pocket of his sweats. Quickly wiping any remnants on the knees of his pants before swinging his door open, agitation palpable as he greets your stupid, sunny face.

Speak of the she-devil.

“Hi, Tomura! Just wondering if you have any laundry or anything you want me to take!” “N-”  He’s about to slam the door. About to. But you know what? You want his laundry? Sure. He’s got some for you.  “Yeah- yeah, sure.” 

He steps back from behind the door, letting it creak open a little as he rips off his freshly re-soiled sheets.

“Oh, good! Yeah, I’m throwing in my own so I’ll take your load too-“

Yeah you will.

Balling it up, he chucks it at you as you curiously peek your head in. You’ve never seen the inside of his room, but soon you’ll see plenty. He doesn’t know if you can feel the fresh cum on the sheets, but he’s willing to bet you can probably smell it. To your credit, you barely falter, even with the sheet cradled in your bare arms.

You’re probably having a moment of “understanding.” ‘He’s a young man with no girlfriend and no other outlet. Of course he’s going to wack off’ and all that. It’s cute, the way you pretend not to notice. That’s okay, he’ll give you something you can’t ignore.

He steps up to the door again, yanking his black shirt over his head and dropping it in your arms with a shit eating grin.

“Oh- okay, yeah-“

Your sentence halts completely as he starts to strip off his pants and you’re left staring in slight horror as your stepson strips down to his boxers in front of you before placing his sweats on the top of the pile you’re carrying- right by your face.

“I’ve got some more dirty boxers if you think you can handle anymore.” He’s grinning like a fiend, reveling in your poorly concealed discomfort as he leans against the doorframe, swinging out towards you. You’re backing away from him, desperately trying to keep your eyes up and away from his very exposed body, and especially the half hard cock tenting the front of his boxers. Your face is turning a viciously dark shade, stifling your breathing because he just knows what you’re refusing to see, you can almost certainly smell.

“Um- nope! This should be a full one! I’ll get them back to you soon!”

“Oh, take your time. No rush.” 

You scurry off down the hall much quicker than your usual casual walk, probably to scrub your arms clean with iron wool. Poor little thing, just trying to be nice and this is what it gets you.

He cackles something fierce as he shuts his door again, going to look for your ruined panties to post a pic but remembering they’re still in the pocket of his sweatpants, covered in his cum and saliva. A fun little surprise for you to find when you go through pockets to ensure nothing gets stuck in the washer.

And he notices, in the coming days, you stop leaving your clothes in the hamper- or even being able to meet his eyes.

Oh, this should be fun.

[solariaswitch]

Were Darcy and Stella set up to be narrative foils?

A lot of people showed an interest in my “hot take” (although it really isnt a hot take lol) post about Darcy and Stella being supposed narrative foils and asked me to elaborate. And in full disclosure..,, The more I think about this take the more stupid it sounds but then again, the dumber the theory, the more I like it. And I think this one is pretty cool, even if it might be my imagination and my tendency to overanalyze details that weren’t actually meant to mean anything all. But first things first. I’ve received two questions about what narrative foils are, so here’s a short description that I copied from wikipedia; a foil is a character who contrasts with another character [...] in order to better highlight or differentiate certain qualities [of each other]. And this is exactly what I think Stella and Darcy were meant to do; to contrast each other while also highlighting that witches and fairies really aren’t all that different. 

Now, why do I think they were meant to be narrative foils? Well, to begin with, the writers of Winx really seem to enjoy making their heroes and villains foils. Bloom is a narrative foil to both Icy and Valtor, and one could argue that Faragonda and Griffin are as well. With Stella and Darcy, the first thing to look at is what might be the most obvious part of this relationship; the powers. The relationship between their respective powers parallels the relationship between Blooms and Icy’s fire/ice powers. Light and dark, clarity and deceit. Their powers are two sides of the same coin. Light powers have commonly been associated in almost all cultures with truth, enlightenment and protection, while dark powers are connected with chaos, mental disarray and manipulation, and yet one can not exist without the other. Just take a look at some traditional symbols in many cultures, yin and yang, the celebration of midsummer and the equinox as the times where light and dark are equal. They always contrast each other, it’s their one inherent quality.

Further, Stella and Darcy have personalities that share strong similarities while simultaneously being complete opposites - once again highlighting the yin/yang kind of relationship, where there’s always bound to be a similarity between light and dark. Stella is impulsive and cheerful, loud and expressive. Darcy is all about control, and she’s very emotionally restrictive. But they share some interesting similarities. They both operate as second in command in their respective groups. They’re the respective “hot girl”-stereotype as well, but they live this out in very different ways. Both of them are obviously very pretty and know that their looks can gain them attention and get their will through. Stella expresses at several points that she often feels that people struggle to see past her appearance and that she often feels people only see her as pretty. Darcy also uses her beauty to have people do her bidding, the most obvious example is the Riven ordeal in season one. They’re also both the most fashion-conscious within their respective groups.

Now, let’s talk about character design. Darcy and Stella have the same eye color. And it’s an uncommon eye color, which has led many people in the fandom to speculate if Darcy might be Solarian. Straffi actually put a lot of love and effort into character designs, enough effort to hire actual high fashion designers to help draw the outfits of the show. And so, I’d like to think that not much was left to just pure coincidence. Additionally, it’s an interesting detail to note that Darcy’s secondary color is gold, and Stella is often presented with some purple in her transformations. Here, have these shitty side by side comparisons I made to show my point (and thanks to @bitchatcloudtower for helping me notice this!);

I think that the creators of the show were trying to make a point to highlight these narrative similarities in season one, but then gave up and settled with having Bloom/Icy as the main narrative foil relationship. The Stella/Darcy one is only shown a few times in later seasons but is a bit more prominent early on in the show. In the episode “Date with disaster.” Darcy disguises herself as Stella in order to steal her ring. They chose to specifically send Darcy to steal the ring, despite the trix being fully capable of using illusion powers to send anyone (we see them turn Knut into a human, and Stormy can change her appearance in season two). Arguably, Icy would have been a better actress and had more success at finding the ring, sending her would have made more sense. I think that sending Darcy was a deliberate choice made by the creators to highlight that they were setting Stella and Darcy up as narrative foils, similarly to how they were setting Bloom and Icy up. But like many early subplots in winx, it was buried and forgotten about, or in this case just never explored that much more. Intentional or not, I think it’s an interesting thought.