#ToxicRelationships

[onesonlee]

The older I get, the more I realize the Doctor is basically that toxic ex who thinks they’re meant for you. They crash into your life like a storm, take you on these incredible adventures, but in the end, it’s always on their terms, their mystery, and you’re just left there picking up the emotional scars.

And the worst part? They always come back, one way or another. Like those exes who hit you up at 2 AM with, “Remember that time we saved the universe?” And you’re just trying to move on, but nope, not happening.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but that’s been hitting hard lately.

[moonshadowmystique]

"Sometimes, people need to paint you as the villain so they don’t have to face their own guilt for how they treated you."

[abcphotoblog]

[pumpkin-the-girlie-girl-vixen]

Navigating the Shadows of Childhood Trauma:

As I sit here, reflecting on the journey that has been my life, I am reminded of the profound impact that childhood trauma can have on our lives. The words of Nikita Gill's poem resonate deeply within me, "Some of us were born into houses cursed by our parents' sadness and rage." These words echo the pain and fear that I experienced growing up in a household where love and safety were scarce.

The memories of my childhood are etched in my mind like scars on a tree. The sound of raised voices, the feeling of being small and powerless, and the constant sense of dread that hung in the air like a thick fog. These experiences shaped me in ways that I am still unraveling today.

But despite the trauma that I endured, I am proud to say that I am better today than I was yesterday. It's a journey that has been marked by struggles and setbacks, but also by moments of triumph and growth. I have learned to recognize the signs of my own trauma, to acknowledge the pain that I carry, and to seek help when I need it.

One of the most significant sources of support in my life has been my partner. They have seen me at my worst and at my best, and yet they continue to love and support me unconditionally. They are my rock, my safe haven, and my biggest cheerleader. With their help, I have been able to confront the demons of my past and to work towards healing.

In addition to my partner, I have also been fortunate to have a mental health team that has provided me with the tools and support that I need to navigate my journey. They have helped me to develop coping mechanisms, to process my emotions, and to find ways to manage my stress and anxiety. With their guidance, I have been able to take ownership of my healing and to make progress towards a more fulfilling life.

Of course, there are still days when the shadows of my past threaten to overwhelm me. There are still moments when I feel like I am drowning in a sea of emotions. But I know that I am not alone, and that I have the support and resources that I need to keep moving forward.

As I look back on my journey, I am reminded of the importance of self-care and self-compassion. I have learned to be kind to myself, to acknowledge my strengths and weaknesses, and to prioritize my own needs. I have also learned to celebrate my successes, no matter how small they may seem.

In the end, my journey has taught me that healing is possible, even in the darkest of times. It has taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought possible, and that I am capable of overcoming even the most daunting challenges. And it has taught me that I am not alone, that there are others out there who have walked a similar path and who are willing to offer support and guidance along the way.

So to anyone who may be reading this and who may be struggling with their own trauma, I want you to know that you are not alone. You are strong, you are capable, and you are deserving of love and respect. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, to seek support from those around you, and to prioritize your own needs. You are worth it, and you are worthy of healing.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

Self-care is also who you let around you.

[rebelnrevolt]

[lovetipsdaily]

[plants-in-my-soul]

Wenn du dein Verhalten verstehen willst, such nicht bei deiner anderen Person nach deinen Gründen, sondern bei dir selbst.

[demondragonite]

Blurred Motivations (WIP - Currently on Chapter 28)

"Each puff, each line, each little pill should have been enough to drown Dane out, to take me somewhere else. And sometimes it did, for a moment, making my mind blank, letting the ache fade into a numb haze. But it never lasted. Moments later, he'd still be there, clawing back into my mind. Sometimes the drugs only made it worse, amplifying every thought, every memory of him, every damn second I'd spent hating him and wanting him."

Blurred Motivations follows Damien Vanderbilt, a guy who’s used to having everything go his way. But when Dane Lockhart publicly humiliates him, Damien's world flips upside down. He can’t just let it slide—no, he’s determined to get back at Dane in the most twisted way possible. What starts as a revenge plot quickly becomes something much more complicated… and much darker.

Their rivalry? It's full of tension, manipulation, and chemistry neither of them can deny (no matter how hard they try). As their worlds collide, Damien realizes he's not just obsessed with payback anymore—he’s obsessed with Dane.

What you can Expect:

Enemies-to-lovers with dark, addictive tension

Manipulation, obsession, and mind games

Emotional conflicts

Content Warnings:

Strong language and derogatory slurs

Physical violence

Stalking behaviors

Manipulative and toxic dynamics

Explicit sexual content (smut)

Internalized homophobia

Substance use, including drugs, alcohol, and nicotine

All characters are 18+

Blurred Motivations is a work in progress, and we're currently on Chapter 23! If you're into complex, messy relationships and dark romance with a lot of tension, Blurred Motivations is for you.

Reblogs and thoughts are always welcome! 🖤

Note: The list of triggers may evolve as the story unfolds. Continue with care, and enjoy the journey! 🖤

(Available on Wattpad & Inkitt)

[emotionalghostown]

The undoing (TW)

When I first wrote this, I was trying to remember who I used to be—the girl I lost somewhere along the way, buried under trauma and bad choices. She was someone who used to laugh freely, who had dreams that soared beyond the walls of this city. I can still picture those late nights, holding myself together as best I could, whispering that I’d be okay. Back then, I believed in love like it was a fairytale I could write myself into. I stayed up late reading fanfictions and Wattpad stories about impossible love, love that could break boundaries and conquer anything. I played Lana del Rey, Cigarettes After Sex, Marina on repeat, as if those songs were spells to summon the girl I wanted to become.

I was eighteen, naive but full of hope. I was barely an adult, just a child with big dreams and a heart wide open to the world. I thought I could live out the stories I read, maybe save a damaged soul or impress someone untouchable. I wanted to be the heroine, blissfully unaware of the dark corners lurking in real-life romances.

And then, I met him, mere months after moving to this big sin city. The guy with the tragic past, the one everyone warned me about. I remember the rush of excitement, how his blue eyes seemed like portals to a world I wanted so badly to understand. He was my “tortured angel,” his blond hair a mess I wanted to untangle. I threw myself into him, believing I could save him. But instead, he broke me, shattering the wings I hadn’t realized were so fragile.

I fell hard, fast, and with my whole heart, and he dragged me back to reality. The painful lesson: broken romances don’t last. They leave scars that burrow deep, wounds that linger, and that take years to close. I wish I could’ve held on to the person I was before him, but survival meant leaving her behind.

I can still feel the weight of that day—the first time he raised his hand against me. I felt my heart shatter, piece by piece, as if the world I’d built up in my mind had been a lie all along. I searched for the girl I used to be, but he had chased her away, replacing dreams with nightmares. By then, I’d become a ghost of who I was, numb, broken, holding on to anything I could to stay alive.

And then, there was the day he shoved me down, and I realized I was carrying a part of him. The positive test was a lifeline, an impossible irony. I didn’t know how to survive him until I had to protect someone else. He shoved me again, knocked me down again, and with every hit, I felt pieces of myself stirring back to life. I was reborn, in a twisted way, as I lost that child. That loss sparked something in me, reigniting the fire I thought was gone forever.

It’s been a long, brutal road, and the wounds remain. I may never be who I was before him, but I’m still here, standing on my own. And that, I’ve realized, is more than enough. I’ve learned that surviving isn’t about forgetting the past; it’s about reclaiming yourself, piece by piece, from the ashes.

The song at the bottom of this entry was what he sang to me every time, and it will forever be associated with him. (The Lil Peep obsession is 100% the red flag in hindsight.)

[sup3rqu33n]

in the tub i killed a spider.

it reminded me of tyler.

watched it struggle, watched it writhe;

just another sacrifice.

as he weeps about his pain,

he’ll keep stabbing til I’m drained;

like a predatory bleeder,

victim camouflages reaper.

poured shampoo, watched it drown,

spider struggled, flush it down;

it’s me in my innocence,

trapped in tyler’s cold pretense.

to tyler, i'm that spider there;

to spider, i'm its worst nightmare;

i'm a predator yet prey,

shifting roles like night to day.

think of tyler, not the spider,

one so cruel yet i'm no kinder;

drained my heart, he played for free

with my spider misery.

[adiyo]

Discernment is Key: Protecting Your Peace

After a few failed attempts at getting back into the dating scene, this year, following my birthday, I decided to stop searching. Instead, I’ve been taking the time to heal, focus on my ambitions, and develop myself. There’s a power in that—stepping away from the noise, and really learning about who you are and what you need.

What’s funny (or ironic, really) is how, after doing that inner work—after knowing yourself more deeply, understanding your blind spots, triggers, and insecurities—people who once hurt you try to reenter your life. It’s almost like the universe is testing you to see if you've really grown.

Where I am now, I don’t see these moments as temptations to fall back into old patterns. Instead, they’re opportunities. Learning moments. They’re a mirror, reflecting how much you’ve changed, how much stronger and wiser you’ve become. And more importantly, they unmask the true intentions of those around you.

Some people aren’t interested in you—they’re interested in what you can do for them. They’re not returning because they’ve changed or because they genuinely want to be a part of your life. They’re returning because they see what they can gain from your growth, your energy, or your attention.

Discernment becomes your strongest tool here. It’s through that lens that you begin to understand who deserves a place in your life. Not everyone who asks for forgiveness, friendship, or love should receive it. Respect, trust, love, friendship, and forgiveness—these things are earned through consistent actions, not words alone.

When you’ve spent time understanding yourself, your attachment styles, and your pain, you realize the power of boundaries. You realize that the rose-colored glasses you used to wear only led to hurt. Growth comes from recognizing when to say no, when to protect your peace, and when to stand firm in your worth.

So here’s to seeing people for who they really are, to honouring our growth, and to protecting the peace we’ve fought so hard to find. Because not everyone deserves a seat at your table.

[pumpkin-the-girlie-girl-vixen]

Poem About Me & My Ex Tony, The Abuse & After

L💕ve Beyond Pain.

He pulls my hair

He slaps my face

He kicks me to the floor

I love him so much

So I don’t have the strength

To walk right out the door

There’s blood on my face

Everything hurts

& all I can do is cry

I made him mad

So this is what he does

I wish I knew his reason why

My heart won’t let me leave him

& it hurts to much to try

I wonder if this is how my life will be

From now until I die

He says he’s sorry

He takes me in his arms

He even starts to cry

I tell him I forgive him

& that everything is fine

For now at least because I know

It will happen again in time

He swears it’s love,

And he means it each time,

But love shouldn’t bruise,

Shouldn’t steal my light,

Shouldn’t make me feel small,

Like I’m lost in a fight.

I wear his apologies like a chain,

Heavy and cold,

A cycle of hurt,

That’s painfully bold.

I dream of a world

Where I could be free,

No fear in my heart,

Just the strength to be me.

Yet here in this darkness,

With tears as my guide,

I cling to the hope

That love won’t divide.

He holds me close,

And I feel the despair,

But what I truly crave

Is a breath of fresh air.

I search for a spark,

A flicker of light,

That whispers, “You’re worthy,

You’ll find your own fight.”

But when morning breaks,

And the bruises fade,

Will I remember the pain,

Or the love that we made?

I wonder each night,

As I lay in my bed,

If I’ll have the courage

To follow my head.

To break free from chains

That bind me so tight,

To step into the dawn,

And reclaim my own light.

I yearn for the moment

When I’ll finally see

That love isn’t pain,

And I can just be me.

So I gather my strength,

In the silence I grow,

And whisper to myself,

“I deserve to let go.”

One day I’ll find peace,

And I’ll learn to be free,

For love should uplift,

Not bring me to my knees.

I’ll rise from the ashes,

Rebuild what was lost,

For every day I stay

Is a heavy cost.

The scars on my heart

Will tell a new tale,

Of courage and strength

That will never grow stale.

I’ll gather my dreams,

Each one in my hand,

And start to believe

In a future I’ve planned.

I’ll seek out the sunlight,

The warmth in my soul,

And understand finally

That I am whole.

No more will I flinch

At his touch or his voice,

For I’ll learn to be brave,

I’ll reclaim my own choice.

With every deep breath,

I’ll banish the fear,

And find a new path

That is bright and clear.

I’ll write a new story,

One where I shine,

Where love lifts me higher,

Not to the grind.

I’ll dance with abandon,

I’ll laugh without care,

For the joy I will find

Will be beyond compare.

And when I look back,

At the shadows I’ve crossed,

I’ll honor the lessons,

Not count what I’ve lost.

For every dark moment

Has led me to see,

That the greatest love story

Is the one about me.

So here’s to the journey,

The battles I’ve fought,

The strength I’ve discovered,

In the lessons I've sought.

I’ll walk through the fire,

Emerging renewed,

With love for myself

In a life that is true.

For now is my moment,

And the future is bright,

I’ll cherish each heartbeat,

And embrace my own light.

No longer defined

By the shadows of pain,

I’ll rise like a phoenix,

And dance in the rain.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

Choose your relationships wisely. Don’t allow everyone to have access to you. Your energy is rare. Make sure it is cherished. Make sure that the people closest to you are contributing to your mental health and well-being.

[caesarandthecity]

Love in Prison: Seeking Affection Behind Bars

Gay for the Stay. That’s what they call straight men who, during their time in prison, decide to enter into a relationship with another man, being “gay” only while they’re behind bars. Can you imagine how amazing my life would be if I could just decide to be gay for a while, then not be, and then turn it back on whenever I wanted? Like flipping a light switch on and off. I’ve always been gay, never changed, and I suffered a lot until I learned how to survive.

In the beginning, in criminal prison, I behaved more cautiously, which made me an easy target, prey that was easy to spot. And believe me, there are so many men in there looking for someone to live with in a cell as a couple. I won’t deny, some of them were very attractive. Think about it: many were Latino, tattooed, in shape, just looking for someone to exchange affection and care with while in prison. It’s fascinating to see how humans, in this case, men, can change in the search for affection, in the search for love.

And I fell in love. I had my heart broken more than once in prison—multiple times, to be honest. One of the first was Chad. He was special, beautiful. His eyes were an incredible shade of blue. When I first arrived at the psychiatric ward of the prison, Chad came to greet me. And when I saw those eyes… “Chicos, those eyes!” I knew something would happen between us, and it did. We never kissed. We got so close once that our lips almost touched. He looked into my eyes, and I looked into his, and then we pulled away.

We were two madmen locked up in the psychiatric ward of the prison. And you know, they say that mad people don’t realize they’re mad. Deep down, we were just two people desperate for affection. We spent our days together, talking, laughing, sharing stories. When I met Chad, he had no money to buy food at the canteen, and neither did I. We helped each other whenever we could; if one got extra food, we shared it. Chad would talk about all the drugs he’d done and how heroin was his favorite. He would tell me how he loved living on the streets, always saying, “It’s a lifestyle, Bro!” Something inside me believed I could save him, that he deserved saving.

Sometimes, Chad would come to my cell, sit next to me, and just stare at me with those deep blue eyes. We would play-fight with each other, a way for us to touch without anyone saying anything. Someone started putting money in Chad’s account, and he began to gift me sweets and food. Sometimes, other prisoners got jealous, but Chad didn’t care, and neither did we. But Chad was very jealous. Once he realized how much I was into him, he started to change. He would complain that I walked around the block too much, that I didn’t want to sit next to him, that I talked to Scotland, that I didn’t play with him. Many times, out of jealousy, Chad would refuse to share food with me, doing it on purpose.

One day, Chad snapped out of jealousy and tried to attack me, saying he was just playing. The guards decided to lock down the block, and Chad refused to go back to his cell, so he was taken to solitary confinement. And just like that, Chad and I never spoke again. Maybe it was for the best. Many other inmates told me real stories about him that scared me and opened my eyes.

Chad was the first, but many more would come after. The interesting thing is that during that time, I never questioned Chad’s character. I never evaluated his actions towards me, and now, almost two years later, I can look back and see it all—and most importantly, see myself too. Remembering all this only made me realize how desperate I was in my search for love, not knowing that I should never have been searching for it because love isn’t something you search for; it’s something you build from the inside out.

I was desperate to love, to be loved. In my mind, I thought I could take Chad out of that life. Today, I know that no one leaves drugs for someone else. We only leave when we want to, and for ourselves. And I allowed myself to be close to someone who was toxic, violent, just because he said he liked me. Today, I understand the reason for my solitude.

[tmarshconnors]

Signs Of Evil Manipulation

Signs of evil manipulation can vary depending on the context, but here are some general indicators that may suggest someone is engaging in manipulative and harmful behavior:

Deception: Manipulative individuals often employ deceit and lies to achieve their goals. They may present false information, twist the truth, or engage in gaslighting, making you doubt your own perceptions and reality.

Emotional manipulation: They use tactics to exploit your emotions and vulnerabilities. This could include guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, or playing with your feelings to control your actions or decisions.

Isolation: Manipulative individuals may try to isolate you from your support network, such as friends and family. They want to limit your access to alternative perspectives and support systems that could expose their manipulative behavior.

Blame-shifting: Manipulators often deflect responsibility for their actions and blame others for their own mistakes or negative consequences. They may make you feel guilty or responsible for things that are not your fault.

Lack of empathy: Manipulative individuals often display a lack of genuine empathy or concern for others' feelings. They may exploit your emotions for their own benefit without regard for the harm they cause.

Control and power dynamics: Manipulators seek to exert control over others and establish a power imbalance in relationships. They may use tactics like intimidation, threats, or undermining your self-confidence to assert dominance.

Constant criticism: Manipulative individuals frequently criticize and belittle their targets to undermine their self-esteem and create dependency. They may focus on your weaknesses and insecurities, making you doubt your own worth.

Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a manipulative technique where the person denies, distorts, or trivializes your experiences, feelings, or memories to make you question your sanity or perception of reality.

Conditional affection and love: Manipulators often use affection, love, or approval as a reward for compliance or punishment for resistance. They may withhold affection, support, or attention to control your behavior.

Manipulative tactics: Manipulators employ various tactics to control others, such as manipulation through fear, charm, flattery, or excessive generosity. They may use these tactics to exploit your weaknesses and gain an advantage.