#addicts need help not stigma

[autopsyfreak]

if you shit on people for being drug addicts then just know that i hate you.

[briarpatch-kids]

I hate how much people's stigma of use disorder and addiction prevents us from having decent things. Like I'd LOVE for people to not get bloodborn disease from both re-used and discarded needles. But when the subject of a needle exchange came up recently, the people I was with (not friends) wouldn't stop focusing on how it's "enabling" to have a system where people have to trade their used needles for new ones because addicts get to have access to fresh clean methods of use rather than having to share or re use needles.

From what I know about the cost of doing business and the cost of medicine in the US, a single case of HIV prevented would likely save a year's worth of operating costs. That's not even taking into account the value of human life, imagine if addiction and use disorders didn't usually mean hitting "Rock Bottom" or dying of overdose because your cousin or brother or ex or whatever was able to get help when they needed without stigma and the social safety net prevented them from all the infections and worse that can come from an unsafe supply or consumption method. Yeah, they'd still have a problem, but it could be addressed before people die from it. I know this is America and bootstraps and choice and all that, but I also know you're not supposed to sentence people to death without a fair trial either. And right now, the way we're treating addicts is a death sentence. Just a long, slow, drawn-out death sentence.

[wishcamper]

Nesta, Interrupted: gendered perceptions of alcoholism in ACOSF

CW: addiction, sexual assault, gendered violence.

Creds: I’m a licensed counselor with a degree specialization in treating addiction. I have career experience with multiple modes of mental health, trauma, and substance use treatment in women-specific carceral, institutional, and healthcare settings. And I know anyone can come on the internet and say that, but I pinky promise.

The short version:

ACOSF stigmatizes alcoholism in line with cultural standards.

Western culture feels differently about female and male alcoholics due to systemic sexism, and thus treats them differently.

Women’s experience of alcoholism is often compounded by or even a result of systemic factors and intersectional identity.

Nesta’s treatment in ACOSF, while repugnant, is in many ways very accurate of attitudes today.

(I’ll be using “women/men” and “male/female” to denote cis afab and amab people. Little research exists on the experiences of queer, nonbinary and gender expansive considerations in addiction and recovery, which is a fuckin’ shame. Studies are also largely conducted with white participants due to enormous barriers to treatment for Black, Indigenous, and people of color, so this convo is inherently incomplete where it neglects those intersections.)

Okay, first things first: ACOSF is a book that stigmatizes alcoholism. I will not be taking questions.

The number one thing to understand is that in America, land of Miss Sarah, we are very bad at addiction treatment (tx). Why? Because our culture hates addicts has as stigma around addiction. And female alcoholics bear a very specific set of stigmas based in their identity.

In Susanna Kaysen’s memoir Girl, Interrupted , Kaysen’s character is institutionalized following a non-fatal suicide attempt. When evaluated, she’s diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, that bastion of diagnoses perfect for people (75% of whom are female-identified) who don’t fit into our polite definition of functioning. As the book unfolds, she reflects on how (white) women are often pathologized when they buck against systems of oppression that create the dysfunction in them in the first place. That is not to say other women in the institution are not genuinely in need of help, nor that mental illness in women is always from a systemic wound. But it’s crucial in the treatment of female addiction and mental health disorders to considered the systemic factors of gendered violence and patriarchy, and the attitudes we hold about women who struggle with drinking.

Think about female alcoholics in media. If she’s young, she’s a loose, reckless sl*t looking for trouble and deserving of the reality check when she finds it (Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan in general). Or if the woman are older, they are discarded, or gross, or pathetic, or evil like anyone Faye Dunaway played or Eminem’s mom in 8 Mile (deep cut lol). Men are afforded a much larger spectrum of experiences and struggles - Ernest Hemingway, Leaving Las Vegas, Sideways, the dude from A Star is Born, Frank from Shameless (brilliant), frat boys, blue collar workers, introspective tortured artists, fucking IRON MAN. I could go on forever, but I hope that illustrates the depth and diversity of male-centric stories of alcoholism not often afforded to women.

One of the most empathetic and accurate portrayals of female alcoholism, in my opinion, is in the show Sharp Objects (the book, too, but actually witnessing it makes a difference). We see Amy Adams’ Camille swig vodka from an Evian bottle while fending off vicious, veiled attacks from her verbally and emotionally abusive mother and experiencing flashbacks of teenage sexual assault. We watch her struggle to find emotional safety in her conservative hometown, both wanting to fit in and get out in order to survive. We GET why she drinks and I have trouble blaming her for it even as she wreaks havoc on herself and others. We can see her clawing just to make it out alive, and alcohol is the tool she’s using to do it, for better or worse.

Which is where Nesta enters the chat. When we get our first glimpse of her alcohol use is ACOFAS, it’s portrayed as something everyone knows about but that she’s still mostly keeping it together - her dress is clean, her hair is neatly braided, she doesn’t need a chaperone to show up to a family event. The deterioration between ACOFAS and ACOSF is alarming, and we know that alcoholism is a progressive condition so that tends to happen. Was there a particular trigger? That’s hard to say. Solstice certainly didn’t help, especially with the pressures to perform and conform to the standards of the Inner Circle aka the people in power. I imagine seeing her sisters bouncey and reveling in the world that stole them and killed their father was probably.. tough, to say the least. The barge party seems to be a turning point as well, though this one is more confusing to me. But given the child abuse, extreme poverty, sexual assault, kidnapping, bodily violation, witnessing her father’s murder, almost dying, WAR - and that’s not even to mention essentially becoming a refugee - it would be amazing if she DIDN’T drink. She 100% has complex trauma, and is looking for ways to cope.

No one with full capacity dreams of becoming an addict when they grow up. Addiction, in my professional and personal experience, is largely a strategy for coping with a deeper wound. People don’t drink to feel bad. They drink to feel good, and to survive. Nesta herself is drinking to survive, but it’s having the unfortunate side effect of killing her at the same time. As she slides into active addiction, the thought of her own death may even be comforting, and alcohol in that way is her friend. (There's some interesting research right now framing addiction as an attachment disorder, but I don't know enough to speak on it much.)

So she obviously needs help. That’s not a debate. What is a debate is how the IC should best go about intervening. A variation on the Johnson method is used in ACOSF (the one from the show Intervention) and appears to be successful only because they threaten her if she doesn’t comply. This method has mixed data to support it, and while it’s very good at getting people into tx, there is a higher relapse rate for those who receive it (1). The “family” gathers and tells her the ways she’s hurt them and tell her the consequences if she doesn’t seek the help they’re offering. And again, so many of their reason are the effects on THEM, how she’s making THEM look, not her pain.

The IC’s ignorance and dismissal of her alcoholism in ACOSF is frankly mystifying. Why do they intervene on all the drinking and sexing, anyway? It seems like they’ve been fine enough with it up to this point. But now it's gone too far, not because of her illness but because she is embarrassing them. And I don’t know about you, but between Cassian apparently fucking half of Velaris and Mor’s heavily documented emotional drinking, that’s hard to square. It makes it feel much more likely that they don’t like the way she is coping, that she is not fitting into their picture of who she’s supposed to be. This picture is inherently gendered, because Prythian society and those who live in it have explicit and implicit expectations of gender roles, whether they’ll admit it or not. Cassian and Mor are playing their roles well; Nesta is not.

That leads me to believe it is NOT all about her, but the systemic and internal factors influencing their perception of her and the ways she’s struggling. It’s distasteful to them for her, a female, to be deteriorating this publicly, despite the fact that her very identity makes it harder for her to function in the patriarchy of Prythian. We hear almost exclusively about sexual violence against women, aside from 2 male characters. Past or present assault of women is a major plot point on multiple occasions (Mor, Gwyn, Nesta, Emerie, Rhysands mom and sister, the lady of autumn, Cassians mom, Azriels mom, I could go on). But something about the way Nesta is contending with that is unacceptable, and I believe it’s because she’s not trying to cover up her dysfunction. In prythian, we keep these things hidden- Mor’s assault is never processed in full, Azriel’s mom seems to be alone at Rosehall, priestesses are literally hidden inside a mountain for centuries. Women process trauma alone and in the dark, but Nesta is in the light and she is loud. She is refusing to hide her problems, and the IC don’t like that, whether they realize it or not.

So why don’t the IC understand this? Like I said earlier, as a culture we hate addicts, or what they stand for, in very much the same way I think we hate people experiencing homelessness. We convince ourselves it was a series of bad choices that led someone where they are, choices we would never make because we are smart, smarter than them. We believe are more in control than that. We can prevent bad things from happening to us because we are good, because we are better than whoever it’s happening to. But the reality is almost ALL of us are one hospital stay away from homelessness, just as all of us are one trauma away from addiction. And with female addicts, we have another layer of expecting women to only struggle nicely and quietly, or to go away. Intersectional factors are at play here, too: white women are much more likely to have alcoholism attributed to mental health and trauma factors, where people of color often suffer the same addiction being more associated with crime. You can imagine how that plays out differently.

So what is the effect of all this? Gendered expectations lead to not only external stigma around addiction and tx, but also to internalized stigma which can limit willingness to seek tx. (2) Many social forces encourage women to drink and discourage them from telling anyone. Factors such as poverty, family planning, access to education, racial discrimination, and location can make services harder to access. Internally, women are more likely to enter treatment with less confidence in their ability to succeed, but report more strengths and more potential to grow recovery strengths during and following tx. For men, the pattern is reversed (3). And women have more successful tx episodes overall when gendered considerations are a part of the design and implementation of services (4). For Nesta, the effect is that she’s forced into treatment and copes by having hate sex with her ex and changing herself to conform to her family’s expectations while the House and the Valkyrie’s actually take care of her. I do not see how Sarah drew the line from there to recovery, I truly don’t. If anything, she recovers in spite of the ICs intervention, not because of it.

In summary, Nesta Archeron deserved better. Nesta deserved the same compassion the book gives to men who are struggling, and it’s a reflection of not just the book’s culture but the author’s culture that she doesn’t get it. Female alcoholics are worthy of treatment that integrates their identities, as those identities are often essential factors contributing to their addiction. What's shown in ACOSF is a reality many women live, and they shouldn't have to.

Barry Loneck, James A. Garrett & Steven M Banks (1996) The Johnson Intervention and Relapse During Outpatient Treatment, The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 22:3, 363-375, DOI: 10.3109/00952999609001665

Groshkova T, Best D, White W. The Assessment of Recovery Capital: Properties and psychometrics of a measure of addiction recovery strengths. Drug Alcohol Rev. 2013;32(2):187–94.

Best D, Vanderplasschen W, Nisic M. Measuring capital in active addiction and recovery: the development of the strengths and barriers recovery scale (SABRS). Subst Abuse Treat, Prev Policy. 2020;15(1):1–8.

Polak, K., Haug, N.A., Drachenberg, H.E. et al. Gender Considerations in Addiction: Implications for Treatment. Curr Treat Options Psych 2, 326–338 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40501-015-0054-5

[scoobydoodean]

so i’ve always been annoyed by the belief that “sam and dean are toxically co-dependent, especially dean!” like it just baffles me once i remember all the times they’ve been apart without one of them being dead (and actually including post swan song to an extent), but i’ve never been able to properly articulate why i think dean at least isn’t really co-dependent on sam. like there’s a difference between being (co)dependent on somebody and dean’s parentification right? thanks!

I'll preface this by saying I am not a medical professional nor have I studied academic literature on codependency in great detail. That said, "codependency" is usually just a buzzword used colloquially to describe people who are obsessed with each other anyway. I address the colloquial use and how Sam is much more unhinged here. I'm guessing the colloquial use is really more what you mean, but if you're looking for something different or a little more specific than that, I can probably write or point you to some other things I've written if you give me something more specific to go on.

That said, there is something about the way fandom talks about "codependency" between Sam and Dean that bothers me, and I think by reading around about codependency today after I got this ask, and finding out that this term is controversial among mental health professionals as well... I finally figured out why.

I think to a lot of people, "codependent" has become synonymous with words like "needy" and "suffocating". However, the WebMD type articles I started with, suggest that the partner of the codependent party is the one whose needs seem to constantly overshadow and outweigh the needs of the codependent partner in the relationship. While the codependent partner can exhibit negative behaviors, the primary problem of the codependent party is that in being a caretaker, they can lose all sense of their identity and boundaries, and don't know who they are outside of being a caretaker for others. However, this is a more modern take on the term. Because these articles I started with mentioned academic controversy, I then found a few academic papers to skim, and this proved to be even more helpful in understanding why I... don't like this term very much.

First, the historical origins of it are... off-putting. The term "codependency" first emerged in academic literature in the 1940s to describe wives with alcoholic husbands who behave as "enablers" [1, 2]. I probably don't have to point out how different things were for women back then, and how rampantly sexist that context makes this first wave of literature sound, but it's discussed extensively in this article. Second, there is more stigma associated with the term partly because Alcoholics Anonymous (shocking /s) latched onto it starting in the 60s and 70s:

The influence of the AA culture in shaping the concept of codependency as an illness offered the idea that people who were close to the substance user were themselves suffering from an illness (O’Briean and Gaborit 1992). These people were viewed as enablers and coalcoholics (Cotton 1979). [ 1 ]

I... think I am probably not the only one who finds that utterly rancid to read (some academics writing on the subject certainly seem to):

According to Gus Napier, a noted family therapist, it is "ridiculous" to label codependency as a disease, because it is a culturally conditioned response of an overfunctioning person in relationship with an underfunctioning person (Meacham, 1990-1991). [2]

Some researchers who have pushed the term "codependency" as a diagnosis have actually suggested that literally anyone who is living with someone with an addiction should be called co-dependent by definition, regardless of any behavior they may exhibit, which tells you a lot about the lack of consensus and how meaningless the term can be [2]. The term (especially within the disease model where codependency itself is a from of addiction) has been criticized by many researchers for the misogyny through which the term originated, for unproductive negative labeling and pathologizing of people (especially women) dealing with incredibly difficult situations with their loved ones, for victim-blaming people (especially women stuck in abusive relationships) for the actions of their partners, for tangentially—negative stereotyping about people with serious addictions, and for conflating addiction with interpersonal problems, and in the extreme case—for suggesting separation from ones family is the solution to addiction and supporting someone with an addiction somehow always enables them [1, 2].

Since the original stream of literature related to addiction, codependency has rebranded and expanded into literature on family experiences with abuse and mental and physical illness. Which is where we get articles like this one I already linked. The codependent party is still a caretaker in these settings, caring for the needs of a loved one who is ill. Still, "codependency" is not an official medical diagnosis (i.e. not in the DSM-5). It's a term that has been used in academic literature by mental health professionals, when trying to describe a range of behaviors within dysfunctional families. These researchers do not agree on the term's meaning or on whether it even is or should be a diagnosis. Many are interested in it only from an interpersonal or personality perspective, which is also where we should stick.

Taking all of this into account though, I think the very first thing we have to ask ourselves is what exactly we get out of using the term "co-dependency" to describe Sam and/or Dean when the term doesn't even really have an agreed-upon meaning. Is the intention to write interesting character analysis, or is the intention to glorify or criticize using a term that has historically stigmatized understandable human reactions to troubled family situations? I think the goal has perhaps too often been the latter.

That said, I've already been referencing it, but I think this article does a good job of summarizing much of the literature, and then actually focusing on people who do choose, of their own accord, to identify with the term "codependent" because it is helpful for them in understanding their own lived experience and their patterns within relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to explore this as it relates to Sam and Dean with the right motivations. If you read the accounts of the respondents who choose to identify with the term, you'll see shades of Sam and Dean I think (I have written something pretty close to the chameleon-self about season 1 Dean, and I can apply that one to Sam too through his attempts to fit in at Stanford). When it comes to my experience with these characters however, I just don't find that I personally see any value in analyzing Sam and Dean through the word "codependent" given it's lack of agreed-upon meaning professionally and colloquially.

It seems to me that the term itself leads to more confusing conversations instead of less confusing ones because of the lack of clear definition, and the potential for negative stereotyping instead of actual edifying analysis is extremely off-putting to me. It just doesn't do anything for me personally. The issues to which it relates I think are interesting (especially parentification which is a term I do find useful), and I think criticisms leveled against the term are also useful to read in understanding ones own struggles with how fandom tends to frame Dean as a caretaker who they believe is actually somehow responsible for everyone else's decisions. But I think that perhaps I prefer words and concepts that are better defined than the muddiness of the term "codependent".

Lastly: Even if I'm not a particular fan of the term, the fact is that the actual show uses the term twice—in season 5 (shoutout to butch--dean's transcript search engine). Once in 5.11 "Sam, Interrupted" (to Dean):

DR. FULLER Well, to be frank, uh, the relationship that you have with your brother seems dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you both good.

First, this dude doesn't really know what's going on and thinks Sam and Dean are having delusions. However, in season 5, Sam's experience with demon blood is repeatedly paralleled with drug or alcohol addiction, and Sam is someone for whom Dean has been made to feel responsible for most of his life. This episode addresses Dean's overly burdensome responsibilities in other ways and it's also come up in the past in 1.12, 2.09, 2.10, and 4.05. I prefer to discuss this theme with much more specific terms. In this case, I would say Dean has an "overactive sense of responsibility to others", originating first with his childhood experiences with parentification. Sam also has a tendency to try and make Dean shoulder responsibility for his decisions when they backfire, and does so multiple times related to the demon blood (4.04, 4.21, 5.05). Cas and Zachariah also both blame Dean for Sam breaking the last seal because he didn't stop him in time (5.01, 5.02) and Bobby criticizes how Dean responds to Sam's addiction (4.22).

And then again in 5.18 "Point of No Return", specifically when Zachariah (my favorite manipulative angel) tries to get Adam to be on his side by basically calling Sam and Dean creepy incestuous weirdos:

ZACHARIAH So you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Sam and Dean Winchester are psychotically, irrationally, erotically codependent on each other, right?

This one honestly to me is just Zachariah doing Zachariah things. I'll reach these episodes on my rewatch fairly soon though, so we'll see if I end up talking about it more then.

Bacon, I., McKay, E., Reynolds, F. et al. The Lived Experience of Codependency: an Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis. Int J Ment Health Addiction 18, 754–771 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11469-018-9983-8

Anderson, S. C. (1994). A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency. Social Work, 39(6), 677–685. http://www.jstor.org/stable/23717128

[sobriety-circle]

The comments on this post make me so upset as a sober person because it proves that a lot of people who drink don't respect sober people.

The implication that I get from this is that all sober people need help, and that support groups are our only safe space. While a lot of people do reach out for help in a variety of different ways for different reasons, especially if recovering from addiction, there are plenty of people who don't need help, or have recovered enough to not need help. These people still need safe spaces. We should be able to access fun things safely without needing mental treatment. (Also there is a growing inaccessibility of queer centers in my area, and I'm guessing this isn't a lone situation.) (Maybe I read too much into the comment but my points still stand without the context.)

I love libraries. Great idea, libraries are a great space for everyone, but we need more than just libraries. We need places to eat, and play, and environments that stimulate things beyond what a library can do. I'm sure libraries also can help with resources for those who need, and we should make this information more public without stigma. Also SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL LIBRARY.

And that's your own choice to make! If you think I'm meeting people WITH alcohol, you're wrong. The difference is that people like you likely have an easily accessible space for that. Sober people have to try harder to find these spaces, especially as a queer person.

I'm sorry you feel attacked as a "bar enjoyer." You should not feel discomfort caused by other people for your own decisions. As sucky as that is, this goes both ways. Stop telling sober people to suck it up, or that they're missing out (real things I have been told). Sober people and even recovering addicts do not often have equivalent safe spaces as those who drink casually. If you don't want to hear us complain, help us build dry bars.

Hm. I wonder why it's stereotypical that sober people don't like going out. It's almost like some people don't feel comfortable being in non-sober spaces and feel attacked when we ask for a dry space to exist. I would love to go to a late night venue and get out more, but I can't do that without anxiety. Others can't do that without risk of relapse.

The sobriety community is a very diverse place. I've met right wing sober people. Even Trump himself doesn't drink (nor does Biden if you were wondering). So this leads to a huge need for not just sober spaces, but sober spaces for other minorities. "We need queer friendly sober spaces," isn't something that should be made fun of.

I won't be a person who insists that all people who drink need to get sober. All I'm asking for is respect and understanding. I don't agree with a drinking lifestyle for me, and you don't have to agree with the sober lifestyle for you. I am just frustrated that sober people raise some very basic points about how we have a hard time finding places, and we are met with underhanded backlash.

If you (or someone you know) is struggling with addiction and is looking for help, I support you. Recovery can be rough, but you're so strong, and life can be so much better in the end. The fight is worth it. Stay safe, speak up, and be strong 💜

[feverdreamsanddelusions]

prompt ask game — drugging and addiction

[tw noncon drugging, drugs, addiction whump, needles, medical whump, emotional whump, psychological whump, bad caretaker, betrayal, horrible coping mechanisms, forced treatment]

25 scenarios and 25 dialogue prompts :) this one is heavy. please proceed with caution.

scenarios

whumpee is sedated because they keep acting out (for the first time)

whumpee is constantly kept sedated because they can't be trusted (it's their new normal)

whumpee is pumped full of every mystery concoction under the sun and they have no idea what any of it is

whumper gets whumpee hooked on something and now whumpee is dependent on them

whumpee is begging to be sedated/given drugs again

whumpee has been rescued once... and then they ran right back because whumper is the only one with the drug that they know

needles/syringes

whumpee is given a paralytic

whumpee is given an aphrodisiac

whumpee is given something painful

whumpee is now out and they need medication as a part of their treatment but they refuse all of it because of their new pill/needle phobia

whumpee is now out and nobody will give them medication because of their past with whumper

the stigma that comes with addiction

nobody is taking whumpee's captivity seriously because how bad could it be to be constantly high

whumpee develops toxicant-induced loss of tolerance

quitting cold turkey

whumpee has been an addict before their kidnapping and now that they're captive... they don't have anything

whumpee going into withdrawal

whumpee has promised they'd quit. they lied

caretaker finds whumpee absolutely wasted

whumpee hates lying to caretaker all the time but they don't know what else to do

whumpee develops an addiction after captivity from the sheer stress of it all

caretaker develops an addiction because of all the responsibilities they now have and all that stress. they're desperately trying to hide it

overdose

rehab feels like another round of captivity

dialogue

"oh, this won't kill you. probably."

"we're testing out something new today."

"it'll just be a pinch."

"you can take this on your own or i can shove it down your throat like a dog."

"what's the fun in it if i tell you what it is?"

"oh, you want this? you have to earn it."

"do you think i care whether you live or die?"

"get the fuck away from me! i'm not taking that!"

"please, i just need a little. i– i need it."

"i don't feel so good..."

"what was in that? what's going to happen to me?"

"oh, fuck... this isn't half bad, actually... maybe you should give me more...?"

"what do you want me to do? i'll do anything. please. i'll do anything for more of that."

"keep that fucking 'medication'/syringe away from me. i'm not doing this again."

"no, please, caretaker, don't let them– don't let them do this to me, please, i can't do it again–"

"i won't touch the stuff again. i promise."

"i... i made a mistake."

"you don't fucking understand! none of you do! you can't live with this shit, not sober at least!"

"no, i– i need the money for something else! it's– it's important, okay? please, it's just this one time. help me out this once."

"whumpee... did you take something?"

"you promised you would quit."

"i can't do this with you anymore. you're... you're just lying to my face all the time. i can't do it."

"i can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped."

"it's me or the [object of addiction]."

"you're killing yourself and i can't stick around to watch it happen."

[kalcifers-blog]

I have a thought and I physically need to talk about it BC I think the JSE Fandom as a whole does not talk about it nearly enough.

BEFORE WE GET STARTED!!! Content Warnings :

Discussions on mental illness, alcoholism / alcohol withdrawal, mentions of potential suicidal behaviour!!!!!

CHASE BRODY IS NOT AN IDIOT.

I feel like Chase gets mischaracterised as being a bit of a himbo at best and just straight up stupid at worst.

For the record I generally dislike the way that happens? Like there's already a big stigma around addiction, I'm actually very impressed with how Chase Brody is such a sympathetic character with his addiction being an aspect of that. I love how it shines a new light on this very real and scary issue that doesn't villainise Chase at all for his condition.

But this is exactly why I feel it's so important that people understand that Chase also isn't an idiot.

Genuinely speaking there are so many examples of Chase being someone who is an extremely smart individual and I think a lot of that gets overshadowed by the fact that he's an alcoholic and depressed.

EXAMPLES BEING:

He is immediately asking questions the moment he's in IRIS.

He's constantly making it known exactly how he feels about his predicament but at the same time he understands that at certain points (especially when he doesn't have a clear view on IRIS and what they're up too) he needs to go along with things and keep civil to not put himself in potential danger

He calls out the way IRIS puts him through shit and how fucking weird that is of them to do

The moment he sees a shimmer of hope (in the form of Echo) he immediately tries to comfort them and tries to help them and attempts to make a plan to leave IRIS

When IRIS attempts to relocate Chase he immediately calls out that they're lying to him, that something has happened

He can spot people being manipulative from a mile away and is very quick to shoot it down as soon as he can by making it known he knows exactly what they're doing.

I would also like to mention that all this is happening while Chase is very likely going through major alcohol withdrawal issues- the symptoms of which include: tremor, craving for alcohol, insomnia, vivid dreams, anxiety, hypervigilance, agitation, irritability, loss of appetite (i.e., anorexia), nausea, vomiting, headache, and sweating.

Chase is quite literally going through it, like every severely going through it and the entire time he is he's surprisingly got more of a level head than most people probably would in his situation. And he's doing all of this while probably going through some intensely bad withdrawal symptoms as well as all the mental shit Anti is putting him through every moment he can.

All things considered Chase is insanely capable of being able to keep fighting even through some of the hardest things a person could go through.

Chase Brody is not an idiot, he's not useless and he's certainly not weak. If Chase can go through all the things he has and he's still fighting tooth and nail to survive even tho he previously was shown to be someone who was very clearly suicidal? I just think it says so much about his character that at Chase's core he's smart and strong- in ways a lot of people wouldn't appreciate nearly half as much if they didn't physically see the things he was being put through continuously for potentially years at this point.

And again I wanna keep in mind that all of this is going on while Chase is quite literally at rock bottom, like we have only seen Chase while he's at his worst. The fact that he is so smart while he's at his worst only makes me wonder just how capable he has the potential of being once he gets the right help he needs and deserves.

[transmutationisms]

I feel like this is likely a bat to a hornet's nest topic but I deeply respect your takes and thoughts overall a lot so here goes: I really appreciate that the show frankly goes out of its way to not pathologize its characters and lets the audience sit with them in the context of their own lives. So I'm kind of baffled that so much focus is given to "diagnosing" them in fan discussions, the vast brunt of which Kendall gets. I don't understand how you can watch this show and understand him as someone who's been heavily abused and had his reactions to being abused weaponized against him and come away being like "wow it's so cringe he acts like that, he must have a brain disease and is just too stupid to understand that. every action he takes is because he is manic/depressed/letting the disease manifest. if only he took the good moral Legal drugs that I do instead of the ontologically bad ones that are Illegal and for dirty addicts. hopefully one day he will Get Help and Receive Treatment so he will be more palatable (no whatever he's done up to this point doesn't count because it didn't work which must inherently be due to his own moral failings)." How did a show like this attract so many Reganites??

bat at a hornets' nest yes. yeah i've said before that i dislike diagnosing fictional characters as a general rule. it's tautological ("they do [x] because they have [y], and they have [y] because they do [x]") and abrogates further analysis of their motives or the meanings of their actions. and it's doubly irksome to me with succession, because unlike a lot of tv, i genuinely don't think that it's written within the weltanschauung of dsm neurobio determinism. ie, it's not a show where the answer to "why did he do that?" is ever supposed to be "his brain is just like that"—these actions are supposed to mean something about what the character wants and needs, and the effect of the capitalist milieu on those things. it's psychological, not psychiatric (& of course, psychoanalytic approaches are common in formal literary studies, whereas blunt psychiatric diagnosis is decidedly less so).

with kendall's drug use there are some particularly irritating ways this all plays out. i've been fiddling with my own reading emphasising the context of logan's demands on kendall and the construction of bourgeois masculinity, and have tried to place kendall's drug use as a response to neoliberal control mechanisms à la deleuze or foucault. i could certainly be challenged on elements of this reading, but what i see on this website is generally just an endless slog of very biomedicalised reads that seem to have no awareness of the particular historical and social baggage present in that model. i do agree there's an element of reactionary DARE-esque moralising going on here (stg if i have to read one more post written by someone who, like, has never so much as met a coke user and thinks all drugs instantaneously give you irreversible morally weighted heart damage, lmao), but it's honestly not just that.

i think most of the time when people do this they're not trying to be reactionary or regressive, and often they not only don't believe themselves to be moralising affective distress, but actually think the dsm diagnosis is the way to avoid that type of moralisation. this is essentially the "it's a discrete disease entity, so they have no control over it and can't help it, so it's not their fault" argument. in practice this fails on many levels. for one thing, it often implicitly assumes that 'ending the stigma' requires any kind of mental disability or affective distress to be treated analogously to physical disability or illness, as though those latter are not also consistently stigmatised and moralised—because ableism is actually more complex than that and has to do with the fact that capitalism values people on the basis of the 'use' it can make of them and their bodies, etc etc. it is also, again, a wildly decontextualised understanding of affective distress, the reasons why people use drugs—including in a manner that feels compulsive and out of control—and so forth.

i'll add also that wrt succession, i actually do see a LOT of pathologisation thrown at roman as well, and more than an incidental amount directed at connor, tom, shiv, and logan. which is to say, i don't think this is solely about people's discomfort with addicts. there's a broad tendency among fans, echoing the even broader social tendency, to see medical diagnosis as personally liberatory, and medicine and psychiatry as passing 'objective' judgments that are necessary in order for a person to 'get better.' this is essentially positivism and is very much a status that the medical profession has fought to obtain (in france you can trace certain 18th-century discourses on national decline, aristocratic luxury, and the corrupting influence of the city -> the birth of clinical medicine after the first revolution -> social hygiene and the pathologisation of the parisian urban poor -> the third republic's 'physician-legislators' and the general class status and professionalisation of medicine; i know less about the gory details of the american and british cases simply by dint of what i do professionally).

we tend to forget these histories when talking about science; it presents itself as a set of timeless, incontrovertible truths that are simply waiting to be uncovered, and we have entire industries of science communication and journalism that propagate this view. which is to say, circling back to succession, i don't believe that most people diagnosing and pathologising these characters are trying to be reactionary or are aware that there are reactionary and moralising elements inherently built into these discourses. i think they're largely people who have not been given the tools to see alternatives, like the perspectives dominant in the history and sociology of science, which are very much kept paywalled and inaccessible on purpose because this is profitable for the academe.

this type of popular literary analysis is simply not going to go anywhere as long as this is still the status and the moral resonance of medicine (and psychiatry by extension because it gained its professional independence without sacrificing the appeal to medico-scientific epistemological authority). i don't think succession viewers are any more or less prone to this type of thinking than the general population they exist amongst. i firmly disagree with this attitude, obviously, and like i said, i don't actually think succession is written 'psychiatrically,' which cannot be said for all tv lol. but i more or less expect to encounter this type of deference to medico-psychiatric judgments in 95% of social interactions and contexts, again because of a combination of institutional control of information, other forms of inaccessibility, and physicians' and psychiatrists' advocacy for their own class and professional interests, both historically and ongoing today.

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write up a BG3 headcanon request involving Halsin, Wyll, Astarion and Gale? How would they react to/take care of their Tav who has an alcohol or drug addiction?

A/N: Aw, man, do I feel this ask. Sometimes I like to joke that I come from a long line of alcoholics, because, well, I do. But it’s usually me trying to put some levity into serious family discussions. I don’t think a lot of people understand that addiction is a physiological illness: it’s a full-body response, not a case of “mind over matter” as some people like to say. There’s such a stigma and it sucks because research shows that when we respond kindly, and not with punishment or ostracization, that’s when addicts have a higher chance of recovery. So know that while I am no expert on addiction, I did try my best to be respectful and accurate. I hope you enjoy! 

TW: Addiction, Alcoholism 

BG3 Male Companions Taking Care of Tav Who Battles Alcoholism/Addiction 

Astarion: 

In a way, Astarion is kind of an addict himself. He’s a vampire, spawn, or ascendant, he needs blood for energy. He can go for extended times without it, but those times have been tortuous and caused lasting mental and emotional damage. That eternal need hanging over his head coupled with the impact of Cazador’s abuse has permanently re-wired his brain. Astarion doesn’t react like the average elf, he can’t, not anymore. 

So when it comes to altered brain chemistry, Astarion’s certainly no stranger. Although his addiction lies more within the supernatural, he can use his own experience to relate to Tav’s more pedestrian affliction. 

Astarion won’t ever outright deny Tav something. If Tav asks for a drink or a drug, Asation won’t take it upon himself to literally hold Tav down as a means of keeping them from consuming it. Astarion knows that method won’t work in the long run, and would most likely only result in Tav resenting him, and he can’t have that. 

Astarion will make a face or two, however, his expression switches from concerned to slightly judgemental depending on the context. He wants Tav to be aware of his opinion, but he doesn't want to smother them. Tav’s not a child, Astarion isn’t responsible for them. 

Still, thanks to his concern, I do think Astarion would confront them about it. He’d need to speak to Tav to hear for himself precisely what's going on. If Tav is still in their denial phase, Astarion tries hard to get them out of it. There’s no use trying to help someone who refuses to acknowledge they have an issue. Astarion knows, so he understands the shame that comes with it. But he reminds Tav he did eventually come clean about being a vampire, and about his past with Cazador, so now it’s Tav’s turn to do the same. 

Once Tav is open about their struggles, Astarion makes a point to check in with them throughout the day. He’ll nonchalantly provide Tav with alternatives to drink: water or tea, things that aren’t ale, and wine. He’ll be subtle about it though. Astarion will never act as if he’s going out of his way to do Tav a favor. No, it’s not like that, he swears! It just so happens Gale was asking for tea and Astarion thought he’d go make him some seeing as how sad and pathetic the wizards had been acting over losing his goddess, and Astarion thought, well, perhaps Tav would like some as well. 

The most difficult part for Astarion is witnessing Tav endure withdrawal. It’s a horrible, painful process. If Astarion didn’t know any better, he’d say the whole thing looked a lot like being killed and then brought back from the dead. He still remembers the way his body ached and burned and hungered upon Cazador turning him into a vampire. It may have been two hundred years but nothing could ever make him forget that pain. It’s why Astarion wishes, more than anything, that he could alleviate such agony for Tav. 

If Astarion remains a spawn, there’s nothing he can do but hold Tav close, dab their forehead with a cool cloth, and whisper soft words of comfort into their ear. ‘You will be alright, darling. Even this will pass.’ 

If Astarion has become a vampire ascendant, however, he can make Tav a vampire, if that is something Tav chooses. This isn’t a magic fix, however. While there’s a possibility Tav may no longer have the addictions they did as a vampire that they did as a human, there’s no guarantee that hunger will not carry over. Should it carry over, Tav would then be forced to be content with those previous addictions in addition to their newfound bloodlust. It’s a risk. But even if there’s a small chance it could work, Astarion proposes the idea to Tav. Ascendant Astarion would still find it preferable for Tav to be an addict as a spawn, as it makes it incredibly easy for him to control Tav’s actions. Sure, they may still be addicted, but without Astarion’s permission, they can’t take what they want when they want. It would create tension and a fair degree of hostility between the two. But Astarion the Vampire Ascendent believes an angry, vampire-spawn Tav to be superior to a happy dead one. 

And of course, no matter whether he’s a spawn or ascended Astarion makes a point that despite Tav’s addiction, he’s not going anywhere. If Tav falls off the wagon again, or if they’re not ready to try and face their addiction right now, Astarion will remain at their side, waiting for the day they’re ready to try again. ‘I’m not going anywhere my love. I can promise you that.’ 

Gale: 

Gale’s first response, of course, is to try and determine a way to solve this problem via magical means. Now as a wizard, he doesn’t have access to the kinds of healing spells druids and clerics have. But, he does a fair amount of arcane knowledge about enchantments, and curses. And well, what is addiction if not a natural, biological enchantment? Gale considers himself fairly rounded on the subject of human biology as well, so Tav is in for a bit of an earful if and when they first admit their affliction to him. 

Gale may not have experience with the kinds of addiction Tav is, but thanks to his experiments with Weave, and now having been cursed with the orb, Gale knows the urgency of living under a constant ticking clock. If he cannot consume the magic from magical artifacts, if the orb is not sated with bits of the Weave on occasion, he risks blowing up everyone for miles. 

In some ways, this makes Gale’s “addiction” all the more dangerous. It doesn’t merely affect his own body and the relationships with his loved ones, but it jeopardizes almost every other living person within Baldur’s Gate. Of course, Gale would never say this. And while he may think such a self-pitying thought, he dare not share it with Tav. The last thing Gale wants to do is make Tav’s very real problem seem inconsequential because it most certainly is not!

Instead, Gale offers to commiserate with Tav on occasion, making sure to never bellyache the loudest. He wants it to be Tav’s time to vent, complain, scream- to just let it all out. He knows Tav is under an incredible amount of pressure as their leader, addiction or not. Gale wants Tav to trust him enough for the two of them to be vulnerable around each other. I mean Mystra above! The whole camp knows that Gale’s easily susceptible most of the time, so there’s absolutely no shame in Tav admitting they experience similarly at times. 

Gale will take it upon himself to concoct a special drink menu for Tav, all nonalcoholic of course. It’s elaborate and painstakingly organized. If Tav thought their sober options were few and far between before, they certainly won’t now! Gale is the camp’s resident cook, so he takes pride in being able to satisfy not only everyone’s needs but to please their tastes as well. Well, except for Astarion. Blood is not ever to be a feature on Gale's menu, thank you very much!

The part Gale has some trouble with is wrapping his head around someone as wonderful as Tav would ever want such a life for themselves. Gale thinks highly of Tav, sometimes too highly. In some instances, Gale cannot see the forest for the trees thanks to the pedestal he’s placed Tav on. In such scenarios, Tav may have to remind Gale that they’re only mortal. And that this affliction of theirs is no more a choice than Gale’s own need for magic. 

Once Gale is on the same page, he ceases the majority of his condemnation, instead opting to try and distract Tav from the overwhelming desires raging on inside them. He offers to show Tav the Weave once more, or perhaps, some other simple, rather pretty tricks. Rolan’s display of fireworks in Emerald Grove wasn’t a difficult spell, and certainly no challenge for Gale. But if many simple spells are what it takes to keep Tav’s mind occupied as they ride out their newfound prohibition, then so be it. 

If by some miracle, Gale does find a spell or enchantment to help alleviate some of Tav’s worse withdrawal symptoms or cravings, he will perform it enthusiastically should Tav want. And if Tav prefers to handle this the old-fashioned way, Gale will do his best to bite his tongue and respect Tav’s choices. ‘I just want things to be easier for you. Life is hard enough as it is with all this tadpole business running around. Whatever you ask of me, you shall get.’ 

Gale is a faithful partner. He doesn’t run at the first sign of trouble, not when’s committed himself to another person. Be it in friendship, or romance, relationships mean a great deal to him. He refuses to let Tav endure this hardship alone. ‘I do not say this lightly: you mean a great deal to me. No matter the toils, I will stay by your side.’ 

Wyll: 

Wyll, above all else, aims to be an honorable man. Despite his suffering, despite his shortcomings and misfortunes, he refuses to falter or fall. His deal with Mizora may have sullied his Father’s view of him and dampened Wyll’s view of himself, but it did not change how he desires to see himself. Wyll knows the kind of man he wants to be and he does everything within his power to act accordingly. 

For Wyll, addiction is a difficult subject. He’s very strong-willed, and because he spends so much time working hard to do what he believes is the right thing, he can look down on other people at times. He has sympathy for people dealing with such afflictions, but behind his care, a small part of him is disappointed. He believes in choosing to be good, to try harder. He thinks all mortals are capable of acting wiser. So while Wyll understands Tav endures such difficulties now, Wyll also firmly believes Tav will have conquered them in the future. 

This can put a fair amount of pressure on Tav’s shoulders. But it can also serve to inspire them. In either case, Tav would need to talk to Wyll about how they feel when it comes to Wyll’s encouragement. Wyll, being the supportive man he is, would never want to intentionally make Tav feel demoralized. So if there’s something in his behavior or in his words of motivation that he can change to make Tav feel less burdened, he will do so. 

Wyll, like Astarion, knows he cannot make himself responsible for Tav’s choices. So Wyll does not take the part of Tav’s keeper, but he does make an effort to be near Tav as they make their decision, offering his opinion should Tav ask. The more Wyll’s presence remains a constant in Tav’s life, the more Wyll hopes Tav will come to appreciate his perspective. If Tav knows Wyll isn’t going to leave or abandon them anytime soon, they may feel emboldened to make the necessary tougher decisions of turning down a drink or two. 

Wyll is more than happy to stay up chatting the nights the cravings just won’t go away. During days Tav’s irrepressible urge causes them to feel restless and manic, Wyll asks Tav to join him for a lesson in combat. After all, he’s not called the Blade of Frontiers for nothing. Sweating out the chemicals and forcing the body to flush all the drugs out of Tav’s system is a great way to sober up. And if the symptoms of withdrawal aren’t all-consuming, it also makes for a great distraction. 

However, during the periods everything is all just too much: the headaches, the nausea, the itchiness, and the sweating won’t stop, Wyll finds a shady spot in camp for the two of them to rest. And as Tav rides out such agonizing lows, Wyll tells stories of his time as a child living in Baldur’s Gate in soothing, hushed tones. His warm voice brings comfort, a much-needed contrast to the ailment Tav’s fighting. 

Wyll cares deeply for Tav. And he believes in Tav, even when Tav doesn’t believe in themselves. ‘You can resist this, you will resist this.’ 

Wyll has no intentions of going anywhere. Addiction or sobriety, he and Tav are a team. Wyll sees Tav as a great hero: he knows they can fight to save themselves. ‘You are the strongest person I know. Nevertheless, you do not have to shoulder this burden alone.’ 

Halsin: 

Halsin is the least likely to have any shared experience when it comes to dealing with addiction. He has fought off depression and hopelessness time and time again but he knows not of the pitfalls addiction brings. Having lived as long as he has, there’s no doubt he’s met those suffering from such afflictions. And being a druid, he may even have been consulted on how best to treat them. But that’s the end of Halsin’s experience. 

If Tav has an issue, any issue, Halsin is more than willing to help Tav navigate it. After all, Tav helped him save the shadowlands from their darkness. There is no ask too great, Halsin could never say no to aiding Tav with a favor. To Halsin, Tav is a savior: they saved Emerald Grove, they saved Thaniel’s realm, hell, Tav saved all of Baldur’s Gate. Halsin feels he owes them unimaginable thanks. So it pains him greatly to know Tav is suffering. 

Halsin offers to use his abilities to help Tav ease their obsessive mind, and the nagging hunger addiction brings. Of course, druid magic alone is not enough to stop the urge from manifesting and whispering in Tav’s ear. Halsin offers to accompany Tav around town, to sort of supervise them, in his way. He won’t force Tav to change any of their decisions but he keeps a watchful eye almost like a doting father as he places a supportive hand on Tav’s shoulder each time they walk past a bar or tavern. 

Halsin knows he cannot control Tav’s actions, but he can influence the choices they make together as a duo. So long as he is at Tav’s side, Halsin will let his wise opinion be known. 

In their time outside of the city, Halsin takes time to educate Tav on the different flora and fauna found in Faerun. When they come across a plant used to ferment alcohol, Halsin explains the history of the process. Yes, wine and ale are examples of making use of what nature provides, but as with all other things, even nature must be consumed in moderation. Mother Nature blesses everyone with the ability to enjoy such pleasures, but that gift can double as a curse. It is a test of our restraint and humility to know when and where to indulge. 

Speaking of indulgence, Haslin would not recommend swapping one appetite for another, but should Tav want to bide their time engaging in an alternative pleasure, Halsin would be more than happy to oblige. Physical activity and sweating would help relieve Tav’s body of some of the toxins built up within their system. In addition, such activity provides a temporary release of euphoria in the body and brain, which would help combat the pain and despondence that come with withdrawal. ‘If I can provide you with the least bit of comfort. It’s no hardship from me. Far from it.’ 

In the case Halsin leaves Tav for a time to settle the newly displaced within Thaniel's healed realm, he does what he can to ensure his new village is a place of continued healing and sobriety for Ta. Halsin privately enlightens all of the other adults within his new settlement about Tav’s condition. He asks them, respectfully, to refrain from providing Tav with any alcohol or other substances whenever Tav comes to visit. 

Halsin does all within his power to let Tav know they are not alone in their journey, and that no matter the setbacks along the way, he intends to bolster Tav through it all. ‘You are by far nature’s greatest gift to me. No matter the foe, be it the shadows or the dependency within your mind, could ever keep me from you.’ 

If You Enjoyed, Please Consider Tipping Me Via Kofi!

[traumasurvivors]

This is an informative piece I wrote on hypersexuality and sex repulsion. You can read it below the read more as well if you prefer!

Hypersexuality has been referred to by such terms as “hypersexual disorder,” “sex addiction,” “nymphomania,” or the term that is in the most recent International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), “Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder.” In clinical discussion it is often given many possible causes, with little focus on (or even outright exclusion of) a very important cause - trauma. The idea that hypersexuality and trauma are connected is nothing new. And yet, it is rarely discussed. Today, we have a greater understanding of trauma and its effects on people than ever before. The connection deserves to be talked about more than it has been.

In much discussion of hypersexuality, it is defined by having repetitive and intense urges for sexual activity. These are defined to be well above “normal” levels of sexual activity, and some but not all definitions require it to cause significant problems in other areas of life and/or personal distress. The hypersexual person may get little or no pleasure from the sexual activity. Even if this is the case, they may continue to actively seek out sex and may also engage in a lot of self exploration.

In a person with trauma, there are many reasons for this activity. Some of these reasons may, unfortunately, cause them harm. They may feel that sex is “all they are good for”. They may feel a desire to retraumatize themselves. Going along with this, they may seek out rougher and more traumatizing sexual activity. Sex may become a part of how they define themselves - including that they may see themself as an object. If they were traumatized by someone who they believe cared about them, they may feel that sex is the best (or only) way to feel cared for again. They may believe that pleasing someone else sexually is the best way for them to feel loved or valued. Some people may dissociate during sexual activity. Hypersexuality may cause them to deny parts of who they are.

Some hypersexuality may be motivated by other purposes as well. The person may be attempting to undo their trauma, or redo it with changes (such as a more “positive” ending). They may feel their actions give them a sense of control. They may find it extremely satisfying to be able to give active consent to sexual partners. Even with healthier seeming motivations, hypersexuality can be harmful. Some people may feel a huge amount of control when they are making arrangements to have sex, but then feel a loss of control during their activity. With that said, some people may find hypersexuality can help to heal from trauma. And avoiding sex can have issues of its own.

Another sexual issue that is connected with trauma is sex repulsion. Stigma around discussion of sex can make it difficult to discuss it even with a therapist. But this is also an issue that needs to be discussed openly.

Sex repulsion occurs when someone feels disgust at sexual activity, often even at speaking or thinking about sexual activity. This can be related to an extreme level of anxiety about sex. A person may not consciously feel “nervous” about sex, but may feel physical symptoms of anxiety such as an increased heart beat or stomach issues. This may be related to a feeling of a lack of control in sexual activity. The person may be worried that they could be triggered during sex, especially if it has happened in the past. They may be unsure what they should tell a potential partner, which adds to their anxiety.

Sex repulsion may be caused by other emotions as well, a frequent one being shame. This can occur on a subconscious level, especially if the person was traumatized as a child. Sexual arousal as a child can cause the pathways in the brain which relate to arousal to become associated with emotions like shame or fear, bringing these emotions back whenever the person thinks about sex. These emotions may also be related to more conscious thought. A sex repulsed person may feel like allowing themselves to have or enjoy sex is saying that their abuse was “okay.” These type of thoughts may make them get disgusted at the very idea of sexual activity, because they feel it is “wrong” to enjoy sex. If they do enjoy sexual activity, they may feel a huge amount of guilt, which can then feed into their repulsion.

While hypersexuality and sex repulsion are often related to sexual trauma, they can be caused by trauma that is completely unrelated to sex, as well. The chemicals and hormones that are more active in the brain and body during trauma than at other times can cause associations that create a compulsive need for sexual activity. Alternatively, they may cause the body to be unable to feel the level of safety necessary to relax and enjoy sex, causing it to become anxiety-inducing and repulsive.

Hypersexuality and sex repulsion may sound like opposite experiences, however, many people may find they experience both hypersexuality and sex repulsion at different times. This can occur in the same month, day or hour, etc. They may even experience both at same time - for instance, they may feel compelled to have sex with someone even though the idea also disgusts them. These responses to trauma are valid, and more common than you might think. If you feel your sexual appetite is extremely high, or the very idea of sex is awful and disgusting, or even both, you are not alone. And you are valid.

[heartless-aro]

To HIV+ AlloAros:

A lot of alloaros on here have talked a lot about how they face a lot of stigma for wanting to be sexually active while lacking romantic feelings, and how people often stereotype them as uncaring, promiscuous, careless, or irresponsible. I was thinking about this, and it reminded me of some of the sentiments that I’ve heard directed towards people who are HIV+. As such, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge HIV+ alloaros.

To all those allosexual aromantics out there living with HIV, just wanted to say that you are wonderful. You don’t deserve to be stereotyped as reckless or careless or promiscuous or irresponsible, whether you contracted HIV from your first and only sexual partner, from your 30th sexual partner, from IV drug use, or by any other means. You are not wrong or bad or dirty if you have had and enjoyed sex outside of a romantic relationship, even if you are someone who contracted HIV through casual sex. You aren’t “perpetuating stereotypes” (either of alloaro people or HIV+ people) by existing as an HIV+ alloaro. Your sexual feelings are beautiful and natural, and you should never feel ashamed of yourself for having them. You add rich and meaningful perspectives and experiences to the LGBTQ+ community, and we are lucky to have you as part of this community.

I hope that ART works well for you and enables you to live a long, happy life, and enjoy a healthy and active sex life (should you so choose). If you choose to have a zucchini, foveo, FWB, spouse, romantic partner, soft romo partner, or any other sort of partner (or partners!) I hope that they are accepting of your HIV status and that they are able to take PrEP (if needed) with minimal side effects. If sexual intimacy is something that you want, I hope that you and your partner(s) have sex that makes you feel beautiful and sexy and desirable and happy.

I hope that you are able to have children if you so choose, and that your friends and family are accepting of your HIV status.

If you have any symptoms, I hope that they are manageable and that you’re able to continue enjoying the things that make you happy. If you’re struggling with medical trauma due to your HIV treatment experiences, I hope someday you’re able to feel safe seeking medical help again. If you struggle with addiction and contracted HIV due to drug use, then I hope addiction and/or mental health recovery go well for you, should you choose to seek it out.

I hope you’re having a wonderful day, and I hope you have a wonderful life.

(For anyone who has read this far, I’ve added a link below to a list of HIV/AIDS research and relief organizations. Consider donating to one of them if you can!)

[commanderfoxdeservesbetter]

Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month

Hey y’all! I know June is Pride Month but it’s also Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month so I want to shed some light on that.

It’s often harder to see what men go through due to silence and the stereotyps of “men don’t get depression” and “tough it out”.

This stigma is toxic and challenging for those who struggle with mental health (addictions, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts) and there are a couple of statistics that is like to share to help showcase how important this month should be for them and, of course, others.

“Men account for about 10% of patients with bulimia or anorexia.”

“Over 6 million men suffer from depression per year.”

“More than 3 million men in the US have panic disorder, agoraphobia (an anxiety disorder where they perceive their environment to be unsafe with not easy way to escape) or any other phobia.”

“Approximately 3.5 million people in the U.S. have been diagnosed with schizophrenia and 90% of those who are diagnosed by age 30 are men.”

Men experience a higher rate of suicide (in 2020, it was 3.9x more), are 2x more likely to binge drink than women, and are 3x as likely to die from alcohol abuse.

Mental health is important so for my followers, if you are ever dealing with something (even if you think it’s no big deal), please reach out.

You are loved and important and are so, so valuable to the people in your lives.

I will post resource links in the comments for anyone who needs it. I urge you please reach out to your male friends this month. Check on them.

Men struggle with mental health too.

[chromations]

I read your post about Jimmy’s ED and addiction and it made me think, I also feel like his eating disorder and anxiety were taken less seriously because he was a man. I feel like men’s mental health, especially when it’s anorexia, is never talked about and it’s so sad!

Yes! I added in an edit the night before that stigma played a huge part in how difficult it is to kick these issues. The accounts by roadies and assistants about how he'd be hiding in a bolster, how he would sometimes fit in a suitcase as well, and just moving on. There's no room to ask for help. Robert needing help when grieving with Karac, and recovering from the car accident is far different than a deep rooted "girly" issue.

There really was no winning.

[archerjay2019]

7 years.

7 years since I decided to end my addiction.

7 years since I took a drug that wasn't medically prescribed.

7 years.

Addiction isn't talked about in ways I am comfortable with.

Stigma is still there.

Blame on the person is still there.

Addiction is complex and has reasons behind it.

I had little support when I quit. Every rehab I tried rejected me for one reason or another.

Every psychologist said they couldn't work with me.

I did this on my own.

If I didn't have the support I have now, I'd probably have gone back to it.

If I didn't get myself out of an abusive relationship, I'd probably still be addicted.

If I hadn't got out of the cult, I likely wouldn't be here now.

Pain and loneliness kept me addicted. I have days where it's really hard to get through, but I cope better now.

I'm often still lonely. I still live in constant pain, physically, mentally, emotionally.

I still can't find the help I need.

But I keep going. 7 years and I keep going.

We need to take the stigma out of addiction. We need to talk about it in ways that doesn't place blame on the person, because we don't get addicted in a vacuum.

I'm proud of who I've become and who I'm becoming.

I'm still learning who I am and what I want.

7 years is a long time, but the work on recovery continues for me every day.

7 years.

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

the whole "gangsters don't deserve therapy" b plot is fascinating as an artifact from the transitionary period as talk therapy was popularized.

mental health intervention in the cultural imagination broadly went from being locked up in a mental asylum (scary, harsh, punitive and similar to prison) to emotional support with extra steps-- some guy asks over and over how that makes you feel, you eventually say out loud how it makes you really feel, and then ??? healed. probably a magic therapy laser. [therapy is obviously more than this.] there's nothing particularly special about honesty with a stranger, even if they're professional advice givers, so the next step in this logical progression is people who need/use/like talk therapy are emotional babies while people who need institutionalization are scary/polluted/Dangerous. talk therapy is delegitimized as a medical intervention and is just paid emotional support for extra sensitive people.

it's an excellent example of how criminalization stigma works by making criminalized actions more dangerous and then using that manufactured danger as evidence in support of criminalization. the classic example is drug use. when you make drugs illegal, the user is forced to forge criminal connections and enter dangerous situations and risk exposure to tainted substances in order to use the drug. if they face an emergency when using, they do not contact emergency services out of fear of punishment and more people die. if they want to stop, there is little help to be found and they rarely ask anyway out of fear of getting in trouble, keeping addiction rates high. these dangers are portrayed as inherent to drug use and used as justification for both opposing drug use universally and punishing those who make the mistake of getting caught up with them. but when drugs are legal, users to the store and go home. or a concert idk their itinerary. a safe place to get fucked up, not situations where they need their wits like getting away with a crime. if there is an emergency while using, they call for help and lives are saved. if they want to stop, they seek medical treatment and addiction rates fall astronomically. despite its efficacy, just letting drug users have drugs is seen as obscene, chaos, anarchy, inviting problems.

and then you make a show about a mobster getting talk therapy. and just like giving drugs to an addict, it doesn't make sense. this is a man that is scary/polluted/Dangerous due to his actions and his choices, not an extra sensitive person who needs more emotional support than others to get through the day. he does not deserve the extra emotional support for sensitive people, he deserves to be punished, kept locked up in a room away from normal not dangerous people so whatever makes him dangerous can be identified and forcibly altered. supporting him at all in any way without forced alteration must be dangerous, must be basically helping him better endure the emotional pain of crime and hurting others. like facilitating the harm he does to others by removing the obstacle of emotional difficulties that accompany it.

and this thought process was real enough to the show that it is causing the therapist negative social consequences. her husband and counselor are bullying her into dropping the client, and her new understanding of crime and its causes is alienating her from her more judgemental peers. and tony IS scary, he is predatory and scaring her through this period. he's had her followed, got her date beat up, stole her car, kissed her, and regularly erupts with belligerent tirades before storming out of their session. a very very difficult patient, but not altogether uncommon if the practitioner treats severe and persistent mental illnesses (SPMI). and instead of getting the support from friends and family that a practitioner would normally get wrt treating SPMI in a patient, she is blamed for it. if you didn't want to be treated that way, you shouldn't have taken on an evil dangerous patient and given him the wrong kind of therapy that makes him more dangerous. she can't ask anyone for help without being blamed for needing it.

because tony is so ruthlessly stigmatized, because our punitive culture cannot imagine a path forward without exacting vengeance upon him and claiming their pound of flesh, she and her work are stigmatized by association, her professional boundary as a doctor treating a patient with a right to medical care is is dissolved, and the intervention is made more dangerous through her inability to treat tony the same as any other patient and activate her own support networks in reaction to difficult work accordingly.

still in season 1 so idk how this is gonna pan out, but if it continues on this trend, i think the show probably had a significant impact on people's respect for and understanding of what therapy is and does. i bet the sopranos was to therapy what will and grace was to the gays

[trans-axolotl]

Do you (or your followers) know of any tips or resources for harm reduction for alcohol use? Everything I found tends to focus on drug use, and finding very little geared towards alcohol addiction. Thank you if so!

hey anon!

Thanks for this question. I think this definitely is something that can be a little harder to find specific information on, but I feel like the core harm reduction principles definitely can apply to alcohol use as well. I think there are some relevant distinctions when considering this in practice (alcohol is legal and there is a safe supply, bloodborne infections aren't a directly related risk in the same way as with injection drug use, different relationship with stigma and criminalization), but the underlying values feel the same.

When I'm having conversations with people about harm reduction, I think something that can be really helpful is just really doing some self inquiry and asking ourselves a lot of open ended questions. This might look like asking: What do I wish my drinking looked like? What parts of drinking currently feel good to me? What parts of drinking don't feel as good? What needs is alcohol currently meeting for me? How ready do I feel to make a change? What are some reasons I might want to make a change? Are there times in the past that I've successfully made a change, and what did that look like? What support might I need in my life to make a change?

Thinking through these things might help narrow down what positive change might feel most accessible for you right now. The core principles of harm reduction-understanding that there are riskier and safer ways to use any substance, and embracing any positive change, could be helpful things to keep in mind.

In terms of actual practical strategies, there are a lot of options. one option could be trying to make goals about reducing the frequency of alcohol use. Definitely want to put a warning that depending on your current pattern of use, alcohol is one of the few drugs where the withdrawal can actually be deadly. If your body is currently dependent on alcohol, any type of tapering needs to be done super carefully and if possible, might be good to check in with a clinic or doctor for advice. This worksheet also offers information on what safe tapering of alcohol at home might look like.

You could also make some goals about changing the amount you drink at one time. Even if you're drinking the same amount of times per day/week, reducing the overall amount in one sitting could be an awesome positive change.

There are a lot of other strategies you could make goals about in terms of safer alcohol use. These things could be trying to drink more water and eat more when you are drinking, avoiding nonbeverage alcohol, avoiding mixing other drugs and alcohol, working on spacing your drinks throughout your period of drinking, working on incorporating drinking breaks, whether that's throughout your day or throughout your week. You could also make goals about your environment when you drink, whether that's considering what physical spaces are safest to drink in, what people are safe to be around while you drink, things like making goals about only drinking when your emotional state feels more stable, practicing other coping skills and emotional self care, anything!

I'd also really recommend reaching out to local harm reduction orgs if that's an option. Even if they don't have anything listed about alcohol on the website, there are probably people there who would be equipped to help provide support and connect you to resources.

This is definitely a just a tiny snapshot of some harm reduction considerations around alcohol, and definitely want to affirm that you will know best what works for you, what your needs are, and have your own relevant perspective about what you think harm reduction and alcohol use looks like. I don't really have any more direct resources on hand besides what I linked above, but followers, please feel free to add tips or link to other resources! Overall just want to validate that abstinence is not the only or best method for making changes in your relationship with alcohol, and everyone deserves the autonomy to make the decisions that feels right for them and their life.