#adhd is rough

[s0fter-sin]

soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart

sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers

and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure

the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish

soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down

he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill

we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan

he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost

he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them

he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted

he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much

[sentientsky]

i had a vision

[vangh17a]

So y'all remember what I said last week? I'll leave you guys to speculate ehehehe

Start | <- Previous | Pt 6 | Next ->

✨Masterpost✨

[entropyvoid]

Golden Hour (+ lineart below cut)

I took a picture of the lines for once and did some basic crappy photo editing on my phone, so you could probably print this out and use it as a coloring page or something if you so wish lol. Do with it what you will.

[shepscapades]

im rotating the dbhc au and s9. do you think theres anything about the decked out (or s9 in general) experience that would be notably different in that au, or would things mostly follow canon bc theyre all pretty adjusted to eachother by then?

OOOH this is such a good question tbh. I think currently, not that I can think of? There are a few little things that kind of change the… context? I suppose? Of what’s currently happening, but I don’t think the moments themselves change all that much, besides maybe little emotional inflections that I would imagine are different based on the slightly different relationships of the characters. (for example, I see doc and X being a lot closer in this au since they preside over android maintenance together!)

I would say most “canon divergence” happens kinda at the beginning of s9 and a LOT of s8, because I’m still not sure which androids were introduced in s9 (i had a few in mind that I wanted to introduce for s9 for dynamics reasons, but I’m still trying to logic out how all that changes s8 and stuff like that) and I also don’t know the exact timeline of deviancies for s8. So honestly, as the au develops and I figure out everyone’s backstories/fill in gaps, it’s very possible that current dynamics/plot points may change!

Such is the nature of a fluid and ever-changing/ever-updating au though I suppose!! but i think it’s kinda fun that not everything is figured out— it always gives me something new and exciting to explore that could always make the story more interesting, in my opinion :]

[dailykeiji]

today's keiji is: Accept It

[angelsdean]

consumed by visions (imaging fanfic scenarios)

[autisticlancemcclain]

“Jesus – fuck!” Keith yanks down on the yoke with all his might, making their little pod rear back, missing the gigantic asteroid by mere inches. He watches with wide eyes as the asteroid continues rocketing by, acutely aware that he nearly smashed the pod in everyone in it.

There’s a tense, speechless silence in the pod for a moment, everyone aware of how close they were to becoming Actual Space Debris, before Romelle speaks up.

Because of course it was Romelle.

“Maybe focus on keeping us not dead and daydream about gay reunions later,” she says drily, and Keith bites back a scathing response, because he realises he has absolutely no leg to stand on, there.

“My bad,” he says instead. Romelle rolls her eyes fondly before decking him lightly on the shoulder.

Well, it would be lightly, were she not an Altean. But she is, and Keith has to tense every muscle in his body to keep from crying out in agony like a loser.

“Wait, no, not your bad,” Krolia says.

Romelle blinks at her. “Okay, I get he’s your son and all, but it very much was his bad.”

“No, I got a signal for a second!”

Keith whips around, staring at his mother with wide eyes. “You got signal? Seriously?”

“Yes! I think it was the magnetic flare from the asteroid! Get close to it again, I might be able to hold the signal long enough to broadcast!”

Keith does not waste a moment. He turns the pod around at lightning speed, pushing it as fast as it will go to catch up to the asteroid, carefully avoiding its surrounding debris, which is a lot harder than it looks, and causes a significant amount of turbulence. Which, of course, sets Kosmo off, howling at the windows and scratching at anything he can reach, on top of the deafening grinding sound of surrounding space rocks smashing into each other at high speeds, and the crackling of the comms they are desperately trying to make work.

“Anything?” Keith yells over the chaotic noise of Every Sound At Once.

“Yes! The signal is getting stronger! Once I can get it to connect, it should maintain itself, so keep close just a little longer!”

Keith grits his teeth, wrapping both hands around the yoke and ignoring the voice in his head – that sounds suspiciously like Lance – that makes a dirty joke about the position. He just focuses as hard as he can, trying to keep as close to the asteroid as he can without smashing the ship into it or getting smashed by all the debris travelling at several hundred miles an hour.

“Closer!” Krolia shouts.

Keith resists the urge to tell her that he’s closer to the asteroid right now than he’s ever been to any parental figure in his life, because that would be uncalled for and also rude and he is a Mature Adult, now.

He nudges them the slightest smidge closer, praying to the universe at large that the thrusters don’t give out, and finally Krolia shouts in success.

“I got it! I got Voltron! Pull back!”

With great relief, Keith does, putting as much distance between them and immediate mortal peril as he can. Once the asteroid is far enough away that Keith no longer feels his heart attempting to pound clean through his chest, he slumps over the controls, repeatedly reminding himself that this is, at the very least, better than the goddamn motherfucking bitch-ass space rift.

(Which is, honestly, a very low bar. Contracting E. coli from getting a swirly would be better than the space rift. But still. Small victories, et cetera, et cetera.)

“Um, hi?” comes a voice Keith hasn’t heard in two fucking years, and he almost cries in relief.

Well, not almost. There are tears streaming down his face. But he feels he’s pretty justified, so it’s whatever.

“Pidge!” he calls, ditching the pilot’s seat and fully running over to where Krolia sits, radio holoscreen up and working.

His old teammate gapes at him. “Keith?!”

Keith grins, soft and happy. “Hey, man. I missed you.”

She stares at him in silence, for several minutes. Keith lets her gather herself, even though the silence is getting real awkward real fast.

“Why do you look jacked as hell?” is what Pidge decides on, and God, it’s been so long since he’s heard a dumbass remark that’s definitely a poorly disguised roast, somehow. It feels like home.

“Because I am jacked as hell. I spent two years in Actual Hell –”

Romelle glares at him. “Quit talking shit about my actual place of residence –”

“Your place of residence imprisoned me for two fucking years I will talk all the shit I want –”

“I can beat you up, Kogane, try me –”

“I can handle a beating and still run my mouth, M’lyoy, so I will try you –”

“Children!” Krolia barks, and they both snap their mouths shut so hard there’s an audible click. “We have desperate, time-sensitive information. You have been bickering for three straight days. Can it, or so help me, I will turn this ship around.

“Goddamn, Kogane,” Pidge says after a moment, “someone just got told off. What, did you fuck off and find your mother or something?”

Keith blinks. “Yeah. How’d you know that?”

“How did I know that – I was joking, dude, fuck! Is that actually your mother?”

“I am,” Krolia says. “You must be Pidge. The short one who cusses often.”

Keith freezes. “Ma,” he hisses, “why would you tell her I said that?”

“Three straight days,” she deadpans, completely uncaring.

Pidge glares at him. “I’ll admit I missed you, you bitch, but please know that you are so, so fucking lucky you are not within bayard distance.”

“Noted,” Keith says weakly.

“I can smack him for you, if you like,” Romelle offers, not even attempting to hide a smirk.

“Thank you, strange Altean, whose existence baffles me beyond comprehension,” Pidge says.

Romelle attempts to do as promised, but Keith jerks out of the way at the last second, and then scrambles over to Krolia’s other side to avoid any further assault.

“Coward,” she and Pidge say at the same time.

Man, having little sisters is annoying. Almost as annoying as having an older brother. Keith wishes he was back to being an only child.

(Not really.)

“Can we please get back on task,” Keith says, which is hilarious coming from him, but whatever.

“Right,” Pidge says, face turning serious. “What the hell is going on?”

“First of all, where’s everyone else?”

“Doing other shit,” Pidge says, “I’m on monitoring duty. Coran and Hunk are reworking the control panel for the accelerators, Shiro’s meditating, Allura and Lotor are on their Oriande mission, and Lance is – actually, I have no idea what Lance is doing, but he’s on the castle somewhere. Probably.”

At the mention of Lotor, everyone’s face goes ashen, playful atmosphere completely dissipating.

“Fuck,” Keith says.

Pidge, ever the problem-solver, looks resigned. “It’s Lotor, isn’t it,” she says, and it’s not really a question.

“Yes,” Romelle agrees softly. “He’s a monster. He’s using my people as batteries, to drain our quintessence, to rule worse than his father ever did.”

“And we’ve just led him by the hand to the one place that will make him unstoppable,” Pidge summarizes, looking absolutely miserable.

“Unfortunately.”

“I don’t suppose you have a plan?”

“We don’t…not have a plan,” Keith says. “We’ll have the element of surprise, so long as we get back to the castle before he does, and that’s got to count for something. We’ll send you our coords, and we’ll try to meet as quickly as possible? It might be easier to plan with the whole team present.”

“Sounds good,” Pidge says, immediately pulling up a few dozen screens and schematics. Krolia quickly types something on her keypad, and Keith watches as it pings over to Pidge. “Oh, hey, we’re actually not that far away. Maybe a couple hours, if we gun it towards you? And Allura – God, I hope she’s okay – won’t be back until the end of the day, so that timing works out. I’ll tell Coran we need to get moving and fast.”

“Thank you, Pidge,” Krolia says.

“No problem, Ms. Keith’s Hot Mom.”

Keith sighs. Romelle giggles. Krolia looks amused.

“I forgot how annoying you are,” he mutters. He doesn’t need to look to know Pidge is sticking her tongue out at him, but looks anyway, just to prove himself right.

“Well, I look forward to reminding you, booger-brain.”

Keith opens his mouth with the full intention of calling her a roach-face, but then remembers that he is a Mature Adult, and decides he will instead graffitti it on her workspace as soon as he gets back, like a real man.

“Bye, Pidge,” he says, and reaches forward to swipe through the holoscreen.

“Hey, wait! Don’t hang up yet!”

Keith pauses, looking at her expectantly. “Yeah?”

The playful, teasing expression that came back for a moment when they were arguing has melted from her face, and she looks serious again. Nervous, even. “Um, something… happened, while you were gone,” she starts, and Keith immediately jumps to the worst possible conclusion.

“What happened to Lance? Is he okay? Is he hurt?” he asks in a panic.

“He is not dead and also not injured or maimed or anything,” Pidge says, which is very different to ‘why, of course not, Keith, Lance is safe and happy and healthy’.

“Spit it out, Pidge,” he orders in his Patented Black Paladin Voice.

“I can’t really explain it. I’m just gonna – I’m gonna send you a link, and you’re going to watch the whole thing and not tell Lance I sent it to you, okay?”

Keith swallows roughly. “Just tell me what happened, Pidge.”

“Okay, Keith?” she repeats, and Keith knows he’s not going to get anything else out of her.

“Okay. Fine. Send it to me.”

“It’s sent,” she says, just as a notification pops up on the receiver. “Um, you can hang up now. That’s all I had to say.”

Keith doesn’t even say goodbye. The only thing he can focus on is that receiver. In the background, he can vaguely hear Romelle and Krolia ending the call, but all his attention is on the little notification – a link, like Pidge said. He picks the receiver up carefully, and walks carefully over to his bunk in the back.

“I guess I’m driving!” Romelle says cheerily, trying to goad him into a playful argument (her… interesting piloting skills having been the subject of their bickering on numerous occasions) but Keith barely even hears her. He clicks on the link, space youtube quickly taking up the screen.

In hindsight, Keith wishes he’d waited to watch, waited for Krolia and Romelle to fall asleep, or even dug around for a pair of headphones, or something. Anything instead of playing what feels like a private message – even though this is clearly something that was broadcasted to the universe at large – to the pod at large.

Hindsight is 20/20.

Instead, he watches with wide, horrified eyes as he witnesses the direct result his leaving had on his best friend.

I'm sorry but I gotta go

That’s what he said to me, as he let me go, he left me alone

Keith recognises those words. He fucking – those are his words. The thing is – the thing is, that contrary to what he knows everyone else thinks, Keith didn’t leave for the Blades after a few days of private introspection.

He talked to Lance – to his right hand – about the issue for months. They made the decision together. Lance knew every feeling, every need running through Keith’s brain, and consequently, Keith knew every thoughtrunning through Lance’s.

[buckys-last-braincell]

god i hate neurodivergency sometimes because it's like

- misses social cue

- comes off as rude when joking

- comes off as joking when serious

- too much energy (makes people uncomfortable)

- too little energy (makes people uncomfortable)

- not matching energy (see: misses social cue)

- do they hate me or are they just tired and can't match my high energy?

- do i have a crush or a hyperfixation?

- are my friends secretly annoyed by me? overawareness of body language says yes, misinterpreted social cues says no. find out next episode when i say something wrong again!

- rare moment of shared interest and lovely discussion and mutual info dumping

- The Guilt.

- perfectionism

- "you were such a happy kid, what happened?"

- understimulated. need maximum media.

- overstimulated. if that person says one more word i'm gonna combust.

- masking? when? around whom? is it okay if i just don't? "why are you doing that weird thing? (existing as myself)" okayyyy thanks for the feedback never unmasking around you again. close family member. thanks that really made me want to jump out of my skin. yeah no i'm gonna go and scratch my face off now thanks.

- The Guilt (TM) part 2 where it's not anymore about Not Achieving Your Full Potential but about not being able to save the entire world actually. how dare you.

- horrbly affected by hormones. like so goddamn much. i hate how much my feelings towards things and my reactions change depending on my menstrual cycle. like i don't know who i am anymore. which one of the Mes is the real Me. how do i know how i feel about this when every week it's different?

and so on. i'm so tired. why can't people just be straighforward and say what they mean. why the cold shoulder and the awkward fake laughs. i'm so goddamn tired.

[codgod]

the thing about qslime is like. he’s BEEN in denial about flippa’s death ever since it happened. when the eggs were taken away when the brazilians first arrived he was fully expecting flippa to show back up with them, he actively went looking for her. this thing with codeflippa isn’t like… new. at all

also, tangentially related, i honestly feel like etoiles reassuring him that tilín’s death wasn’t his fault may have had a negative effect? at least in regards to how much guilt he feels. because his emotions are all in extremes — he either loves mariana or hates her guts. he either feels so guilty that he runs off thousands of blocks away and tries to summon an angel to bring tilín back or he doesn’t care anymore because it was “just an accident” (a sentiment which doesn’t extend beyond himself because he is, ultimately, as self-centred as he is self-unaware). charlie said it himself when going through the element rooms in cellbits castle — his character is entirely driven by emotion, and he’s an absolute wreck about it. that’s why his character would be blood (even if charlie himself chose energy/chaos)

the other islanders are very much used to how.. volatile he is. so they just kinda let it go (at least on the outside) as seen with cellbit, roier, phil, etc. hanging out with him and codeflippa and helping them do her “tasks” which obviously probably isn’t the best approach (except on an information gathering front, but i mean for slime specifically here) but like… how do you even help someone like that? someone so deep in that they can’t even see that they’re losing themself to something that isn’t even real. he’d have to get to a point where he actually lets himself realise that something is wrong but he just. can’t

[letheslullaby]

I wish I lived in a world that wanted me.

Like, a world that wanted me to live in it, that wanted people like me to stay alive in it.

I've been burnt out for three years, and some days waking up feels less like living and more like dreaming. I try to explain to my mother that, at this rate, I will not survive college. I am running on fumes, I tell her, and someday soon there will be nothing left in me to save. She does not understand, simply asks why I cannot do as I have done every day for the last 20 years and move forward. I do not know how to explain that in high-school the engines of my mind caught fire, and nobody cared to repair them. That I have been pushing these shaking limbs forward with my fading will for two years. That if I do not find rest, she will bury me alongside my father.

She tells me this is how the world is. I spit back, why? Tell me why it must be this way.

Why must it be this way?

Why must I struggle every day to survive? I am tired, I tell her, I am sick. I cannot walk forever in the desert repenting for the sin of being born unwanted, I cannot survive while begging on my knees for the rest of my life.

You were healthy once, she says. As if that means I'd be well forever. You walked farther before.

I want to scream, I want to sob, I want to take the bandages off of my feet and wail, yes, and look what it got me. Instead I sit silent, knowing not how to make her understand she is digging my grave with her open hands.

I look into the world through the window to avoid her gaze, and I see it burning. She asks if I've considered getting a job.

I do not think a job could save me.

[medicbrainrot]

i don’t wanna be here when you lose control

An awkward silence had taken over the room Task Force 141 was occupying when Ghost and Jaguar (Simon and Artemis) had gotten into a heated argument during a briefing meeting for an upcoming mission.

Ghost gritted his teeth. “Why do you always go on these off-topic tangents?! This is important!” His icy cold stare went right through Jaguar, putting a bit of a chill in the air.

“I’m sorry, but sometimes I get off track!” She says defensively.

“That is not good enough! This is important!!” He stalks closer to her, still gritting his teeth. His eyes look as angry as ever through the mask.

“We are not continuing until you realize that what you are doing is disruptive and wasting time!” His tone is cold, and his stare is even colder.

As his anger builds, his tone becomes even more harsh, to the point where he is almost yelling at Jaguar.

“Sit. Still! This is important! Now, can we please keep focus here!?” He grits out loudly.

“I CAN’T HELP IT! I HAVE ADHD!” Jaguar shouts.

Ghost growls and steps closer, putting his face right in front of hers.

“I said SIT STILL. This is IMPORTANT.” He said furiously.

His words shut her up immediately, and Jaguar didn’t move a muscle or say a single word throughout the rest of the meeting.

When the meeting was over, Ghost turned to Jaguar one more time. 

“I trust you understand the gravity of this now.” He said coldly, before walking away without another word. He’s absolutely livid, but he needs to calm down.

The next few days, the base feels awfully quiet as the team prepares for the mission.

Ghost himself is as silent as ever, hardly speaking to anyone, and keeping mostly to himself. It seems like he’s mostly gotten over the argument with Artemis, but he’s still a little pissed off about it.

No one really knows what’s going through his mind, but they’re all keeping an eye on him in case he snaps.

Artemis, in a similar vein, has been more withdrawn than usual, and barely gives more than one or two word responses when spoken to.

Simon picked up on Artemis’ behavior, and realized that perhaps she’s feeling the same way he is: guilty.

He knows he shouldn’t have snapped at her the way he did, but he couldn’t help it.

After a brief moment of pondering, he decides to go find her and try to make it up to her. He gathers a few of her favorite snacks into a little bag, and heads to her room, hesitating before knocking on the door. “Artemis?” 

After a few more knocks, Soap pokes his head out from his own room next door. “Jaguar’s not here, LT.” He says.

Ghost sighs internally. “Where is she?” He asks gruffly, even though internally he’s feeling guilty. His body language still reads frustration, but he manages to calm himself down so he doesn’t snap at Soap.

“Last I heard, she was headed to the firing range.” He supplies helpfully.

“The firing range?” Ghost asks.

Soap nods in response.

“Okay.” Ghost nods, hanging the little bag of snacks on Jaguar’s door handle before turning to leave for the range.

As he approaches the firing range, he can hear shot after shot being fired, in an even, precise rhythm. He slips on a pair of hearing protection headphones, and enters the range to find Artemis there, firing at target after target in pure anger and frustration.

She’s got her own hearing protection on, and it seems like she’s settled into a rhythm of firing round after round into the targets, quickly changing the mag, then continuing to fire.

Ghost approaches Jaguar carefully, getting closer with each step. He finally speaks when he's close enough she’ll be able to hear him over her protective equipment.

“Artemis?” He says, trying to keep a sense of calm in his voice, despite what happened the other day. “I came to apologize.”

“It’s alright Lieutenant.” She says stiffly, without turning around.

His tones soften a bit, not having expected forgiveness so easily. “Are you sure?” He pauses and lowers his voice a bit. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that…We disagree sometimes, but you didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s fine.” she says, equally as stiff as the first response.

Ghost stands in silence for a moment, before taking a deep breath. He’s not sure what else he could say to make things right between them, but he knows he has to do something.

“Are you absolutely sure it’s alright?”

She fires the rifle again. “It’s fine.” She says again. She has yet to turn around, and her voice remains awfully stiff.

Simon begins to worry that it’s not all fine. “I don’t like you sounding so stiff.” He says, notes of concern filling his voice.

He takes a step closer to her, his tone trying to remain soft and gentle. “Artemis…”

This time, she sets the rifle down and finally turns to look at him, slipping off her hearing protection. Her eyes are red and puffy, and now that she’s not holding the rifle, he can see that her hands are shaking. “I said it’s fine Lieutenant.”

An awful sinking feeling settled in Simon’s stomach, almost like he was sick. He knew immediately that he had to do something in order to fix this. All he wants is to comfort her, but he has to know where to start. He slipped off his hearing protection before speaking.

“No, it’s not. What’s wrong Artemis?”

“If you’ve come to yell at me to sit still again, don’t worry. I’ve been working on it the past few days.” She says, gesturing to the destroyed targets downrange. 

Simon looks at the targets, concerned by the mess, horrified by the realization that he was the cause. He takes a deep breath before speaking. “Artemis, I haven’t come to yell. I’m so, so sorry for snapping at you the other day.” 

He pauses for a moment, trying to put himself in her shows. “Do you…want to talk about it?”

“I don’t know…I might go on another tangent…” She says flatly.

His tone softens some more, he can tell that she’s very bitter. “Artemis, you can tell me anything you want. What’s on your mind?” He asks, trying to show that he is being genuine, and won’t criticize her for going on another ‘tangent’. 

“What’s on my mind? What’s on my mind!?” She exclaims, as she presses her hands tightly into her eyes. “What’s on my mind is I’ve been trying to figure out for weeks how to tell my boyfriend I have ADHD, only for it to slip out in an argument and then have him use it against me. That’s what’s on my mind, Simon.”

‘Oh god.’ Simon thinks to himself. ‘That’s what’s been keeping her up at night?’ Simon hasn’t felt this awful in a long, long time. He’s horrified that he’s done this to her. “I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine.” She mumbles, her hands still pressed tightly into her eyes.

“Artemis…” He takes a few tentative steps closer, putting a hand on her shoulder and turning her to face him more.

“I didn’t mean to attack you like I did. I was wrong to do so, and I was wrong to not consider the consequences. I’m so, so sorry for my actions.”

“You’re not the first one.” She mumbles, lowering her hands from her eyes. “I’m surprised you haven’t broken up with me yet.”

“What do you mean?” He asks, his eyebrows raising under his mask. “Did I make you feel like breaking up is the only option?” He’s shocked at the possibility, a look of worry on his face. “Artemis, breaking up with you never even crossed my mind. Are you serious?”

“My last boyfriend broke up with me a few days after I told him, said I was too much to handle.” She says, a few tears escaping her eyes.

Artemis’ words cause Simon to feel another wave of guilt wash over him. He had no idea this wasn’t the first time she was treated this way, and it made him feel so much worse, knowing that he was one of the people who caused her pain. “He was wrong…” Simon starts gently. “He was wrong. You’re not ‘too much to handle’, Artemis.” He pauses. “You’re perfect just the way you are, I promise.”

“That’s not what you said when you yelled at me…” She says with a flat affect.

A look of guilt passes through Simon’s eyes, and he drops his head as he tries to come up with a response. “You’re right. I didn’t say that. I essentially said the opposite, something  cruel, that I shouldn’t have said. But, Artemis…” He pauses, his tone getting soft again. “What I said was wrong. You deserve to be treated better than that… I’m sorry.”

Artemis shrugs. “It’s my fault for fidgeting during a meeting.”

“No Artemis, it isn’t.” Simon sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “You have ADHD. It’s something you can’t control. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, and you shouldn’t have to be shamed simply because you don’t act how others might want you to.”

“I wish that conversation had gone differently.” She sniffles, as a fresh wave of tears fills her eyes.

“I do too, Artemis.” Simon steps forward and hugs her tightly, trying to comfort her. “Is there any way I can make it up to you?” He asks gently.

“I don’t know. My brain is so fucking scrambled.” She sniffles.

“Scrambled?” He asks gently. “Why? Do you feel anxious? Do you feel overwhelmed?”

“I don’t know what I feel right now. There’s too much going on in my brain.” Artemis says.

“It’s okay, It’s okay to not know, love.” Simon says softly.

“It’s not okay! I keep fucking up because I can’t get my fucking brain under control!” She yells, exasperated.

Simon flinches slightly when she yells. “What do you mean by that…?” He asks cautiously. “How have you been messing up?”

“I talk too much, I fidget too much, I annoy everyone around me because I’m too much. I have seventeen trains of thought going in my head at all times and I don’t know where any of them are fucking going!” She shouts.

It takes effort from Simon not to jump when she shouts again. He takes a deep breath before speaking, trying to calm his nerves, so that he doesn’t say something that might hurt Artemis further. “Artemis…If I might speak bluntly. It doesn’t sound like you’re the problem here. It sounds to me that your previous exes were too harsh to you…” He says gently.

“It’s not just my exes. My friends, my teachers, my parents. I feel like I’m gonna go crazy if I have to be still and quiet but there’s nothing I can fucking do about it!!” She tries to take a breath. “It’s always, sit still, stop talking, stop fidgeting, stop bouncing, stop shouting, you’re being too loud, you’re being disruptive. Everything about my existence is annoying and yet I can’t seem to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!”

Simon’s eyes go wide at the outburst, but he manages to keep calm and keep holding Artemis tightly. “Artemis…” His tone remains gentle, and he realizes what he needs to say. His own trauma is screaming at him to not go near this, but he knows that right now that’s not the answer. He takes a deep breath and starts softly. “I think I understand what happens when you get overwhelmed.”

“What.” She says in a small voice.

He can hear the pain in her voice and it makes him feel even more horrible for speaking so harshly to her.  He rubs her shoulder gently, trying to comfort her. “Your mind feels like it’s being attacked by constant thoughts, and you feel like you might explode if you don’t do something…And you feel like talking and moving helps you, even if just for a little bit.”

“Pretty much. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 22, but it made so much sense.” She says quietly.

“Artemis, I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this like that. Nobody should have to feel like they’re not allowed to speak or move. You have every right to speak and move around all you want. If anyone else tells you otherwise, they’re wrong.” His voice grows even softer. “You are not too much.”

“Even when it’s you telling me to be quiet and sit still?” She asks.

“That’s on me. That’s me being inconsiderate, and it’s me being wrong. I can’t apologize enough for that. I’m sorry Artemis, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He says softly, hoping she understands.

“It’s okay.” She says sadly. “You didn’t know…”

“Artemis, I still shouldn’t have treated you like that, regardless. I’m just…I’m sorry I didn’t realize something sooner.” He says gently. “If I could go back and undo what I said, I swear I would. But I can’t. All I can do is apologize and make sure I don’t do something like that again.”

“I wanted to tell you sooner… I just….didn’t know how…I felt like there was never a right time…” She says as a tear slides down her cheek.

“It’s alright.” Simon says softly, swiping away the tear with his thumb. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. I’m the one who reacted poorly. It’s on me to learn, not on you to do something you aren’t comfortable with.” He holds her tighter, trying to express his love with the hug.

Artemis leans into the hug, burying herself into his chest. “I’m sorry for avoiding you.” She mumbles.

“It’s alright to ask for space after an argument. It just means you want time to cool down.” He says reassuringly. “If you need more time to process, I’m alright giving you whatever you need.”

“I don’t want more time to process. I haven’t slept in two days. I just want to go to bed.” Artemis says, trying not to cry.

Simon nods, pulling slightly back from the hug. He looks down at Artemis, still feeling guilty about how he hurt her. He can now tell how tired she is, and how desperately she needs sleep. 

“Okay, I can help with that. Do you need anything before you go rest? Water, a snack, anything?”

“A snack would probably be good. I’ve been here at the range since early this morning.” She yawns. “Maybe…maybe, after I’ve slept, we can talk some more about this?”

Simon gives Artemis a warm smile. “Of course, take all the time you need, love.”

He releases her from the embrace and turns to go get her a snack while she cleans up her stuff at the range.

“Simon, wait.” She calls out.

Simon stops in his tracks, turning around to face Artemis again. “What is it, Artemis? Was there something else?” He asks softly.

She steps forward and lifts his mask to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you.” She says softly.

Simon is caught a little off guard by the kiss, but he quickly recovers. He leans into the kiss, and pulls away after a few seconds, smiling warmly at her. “I love you too, Artemis.” He pulls her into another gentle kiss, holding her close. “I love you… more than you could ever know. Never forget that.”

A/N: Thanks for reading! Likes, reblogs, and feedback are appreciated!

Masterlist

[royalarchivist]

My favorite part of running Royal Archivist is definitely reading the tags people put in their reblogs. I really love seeing people react to goofy bits or wild lore, it's just fun seeing people crack jokes or roast their streamer or have the same reaction I did while watching stream.

This blog (and the VOD Timestamp Archive) take up a lot of time and energy I don't really have, but seeing everyone's tags and seeing the kind messages I get every once in a while thanking me for my work make me so :'))))) I know MCYT fandoms tend to have a bad rap, but everyone who interacts with Royal Archivist has genuinely so kind and funny (with one or two exceptions) and it's really nice to see. I love seeing the love people have for QSMP.

[snowangeldotmp3]

ronance sharing a room at murray's bc "they're both girls! they have to go in the same room." and nancy staring at robin sleeping beside her like "man i sure hope this doesn't awaken anything in me!"

nancy, lying awake staring at robin in the shitty little bed at murray's: this is normal. this is totally normal friend behavior. counting the freckles on ur friends face and wanting to run ur hands through her hair just to see if it's really that soft (it is) and then also wanting to trace the scar on her face (that she got from the Upside Down last year). just gals being pals.

(nancy does not yet know robin is a sleep cuddler. she is about to find out. Fast.)

[secondhand-goose]

Neurodivergent kids be like “I’m fighting demons” and the “demons” is sunscreen