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sonnetsterlingwritesstuff · 10 months

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The Female Experience (Good Omens)

Aka My Take On The Scrapped 60s American Femme Flashback. Thanks Neil, I’ve had no peace since discovering this existed :)

Ao3 Here

Genre: Angst/ Fluff/ A Good Dose Of Social Commentary

Words: 5421

TL;DR: Heaven wants to know why the Pearly Gates are opening to more women than men. Hell is almost certain that God is playing favorites. So they send their representatives on a bit of an undercover mission to figure out what *exactly* is going on- what are women doing so much better than men?

It was the year 1965. Aziraphale found herself seated in a booth at a diner in New York, New York. She smoothed the skirt of her dress before folding her arms onto the table in front of her. It was odd , she thought, to have her legs so exposed. Normally, she’d wear trousers- but then she wasn’t normally in America, and she wasn’t normally presenting as a female. It wasn’t that she didn’t like women- it was just that the form she’d initially chosen for Earth leaned more towards presenting male, and she’d been very comfortable in it. She sort of liked this form too, though- it was so elegant . So graceful. There was an absolutely enthralling feeling that came with looking into a mirror and seeing something so beautiful . It was almost making her vain .

She’d put a good lot of research into her appearance- she needed to get a real feel for what it was to be a woman nowadays. She’d read lots of magazines, and looked at many pictures. She’d even been to the picture shows to see how it was women were presenting. From that, she had gleaned an appearance that she thought blended in rather splendidly. She was not as trim as the women in the films, but she made up for it with what she thought were some stunning curves… that were unfortunately masked by the dress she was wearing. It was such a pretty dress though. The dress itself was a milk-chocolate brown, with a straight skirt and a high neckline. It almost appeared to be made of a suede material. It cut off at the shoulders, so underneath she’d worn a sky-blue blouse with a lovely rounded collar that fell over the neck of the dress, and she’d tied a matching sky-blue bow. On her feet, she wore white mary-jane pumps, and she’d styled her peroxide-blonde hair in the beehive style that was so fashionable. She’d even changed her face to one that was a bit softer and more traditionally feminine, and she’d dabbled with makeup (taking Audrey Hepburn as a muse). She thought, at the very least, that she was very a-la-mode.

It had taken some deal of effort to get there, but she was here now- out on the town, in a lovely little diner. This was, she’d heard, the very heart of Americana. All she was missing was a ‘shake’ and some french fries- which weren’t actually french at all. They were Belgian. Aziraphale would know- she’d had some of the first back in the 1600s. But that was besides the point now. Now what she needed was to get a server to notice her so that she could order her shake and fries. It was odd- she’d been sitting here for some time now, and yet all the men and families that had walked in since she’d arrive had already been served. Perhaps the waitresses simply hadn’t seen her. She tried to get eye contact, giving a polite little wave. If the waitress thought she was rude she might continue to ignore her. Though it still didn’t seem to be doing her any good- it was almost like she wasn’t there at all.

Still, she persisted… until she saw a face that was somehow familiar . Aziraphale didn’t even need to think twice about who it was, even though she probably should. She was really getting a bit too familiar with Crowley. She blinked at the demon’s appearance- this was different for them- or, she supposed, her for the time being. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen Crowley present as female, but this was the first time Crowley had changed faces to do so in… well, ever , to Aziraphale’s recollection. It seemed that they’d gotten the same idea. Crowley sported a black turtleneck with black pants with a yellow grid-like pattern on them and black flats, her red hair curled out on the ends and held back by a headband that matched her pants. Of course, she still wore her signature glasses- it would have taken an awful lot of effort for her to change her eyes, and she’d already put in enough. She was slight, with a rather beautiful face- such soft features with beautifully high cheekbones. The rouge she wore made her lips stand out, and Aziraphale’s eyes were not the only ones lingering on them. She was stunning, and her outfit was very fashionable… but it was also so brazen . Men around the restaurant stared, some whistling… much to the dismay of their wives.

Crowley seemed to catch Aziraphale’s eye, smirking before making her way to her and sitting down across from her. What was Crowley doing here ? Aziraphale’s mission from Heaven was simple- figure out why so many more women were gaining access to Heaven than men. Given America’s cultural influence, Heaven had asked Aziraphale to do her observing there as opposed to England- which was inconvenient and a little unpleasant, but unfortunately doable. All that was to say that there was a simple explanation for why she was there. But Crowley… well, Hell must have some sort of a plan that required him to be there. She couldn’t have just followed Aziraphale, could she? Aziraphale cleared her throat for a few moments as Crowley sat down before addressing her.

“Crowley?” She checked.

“Angel.” Crowley smirked softly. “What has Heaven got you doing hanging around here ?”

“I’m on a mission.” Aziraphale lowered her voice.

“What kind of mission?” Crowley raised an amused brow.

“I really shouldn’t be disclosing that…” Aziraphale sighed, but speaking from experience she knew there was no use trying to hide anything. Crowley was good with words- she always got the answers she was after. “Heaven has me looking into why there’s so many more women than men coming through the Pearly Gates.”

“That’s funny.” Crowley chortled. “Hell’s got me here for the exact same reason.”

“Do they?” Aziraphale lit up a little. “Isn’t that a fun coincidence!”

“Did they send you here because of the ‘cultural significance’?” Crowley hummed.

“They did !” Aziraphale confirmed. “Which I think is outrageous !”

“It’s like they’ve never heard of the British Invasion!” Crowley scoffed. “America’s crawling all over anything British right now- but sure, America’s the influential continent.”

“I was thinking that precisely !” Aziraphale nodded. “I tried to tell them.”

“What’s the point?” Crowley rolled her eyes. “They don’t listen.”

“No… no, they don’t.” Aziraphale gulped lightly, more than evidently nervous to voice any dissatisfaction with Heaven. You never knew when or where they were listening. Crowley wasn’t stupid- she could see how uncomfortable her counterpart was. So she did her the mercy of changing the subject.

“So, what’ve you ordered?” Crowley asked, picking up a menu. “Anything I should try?”

“Oh, I haven’t ordered yet.” Aziraphale admitted. “It seems… well, I really am trying not to make a fuss, but it seems that the waitress hasn’t even seen me.”

“What?” Crowley blinked.

“Well… she’s been serving all the families, and the men who walk in, but… she hasn’t even looked my way.” Aziraphale explained.

“Oh, that’s not going to fly.” Crowley grumbled before standing up and grabbing her place setting. She banged the cutlery on he table, sending a pointed glare to the waitress. One could feel the intensity of it, even if her eyes were masked.

“Oh, you don’t have to-” Aziraphale blushed.

“Excuse me!” Crowley called out to the waitress. “My friend here has been waiting for service for… how long’s it been?”

“Just around forty-five minutes.” Aziraphale croaked out, a dark shade of crimson in embarrassment.

“ Forty-five minutes?!” Crowley scoffed, looking at the waitress again. “What kind of service is that ?”

“I’m…” The waitress stammered.

“You’re going to come over here and take her order, or I’m gonna tell your boss how unprofessional you’re being.” Crowley threatened her. “You think he wants someone on staff who’s ignoring patrons?”

“What seems to be the problem out here?” A man in a soda-jerk’s uniform and an apron popped his head out of the kitchen.

“Oh, it’s nothing Mr. Kennedy.” The waitress flushed red. “These ladies were just voicing some concerns.”

“Your waitress has not served my companion here in forty-five minutes.” Crowley told him.

“Well… the place is fairly full, ma’am.” Mr. Kennedy reasoned.

“She’s serving everyone but us!” Crowley countered. “There are families that have just walked in, and they’re getting their orders taken!”

“This is a family diner- we’re in the business of serving families.” The man stated levelly.

“And what of the business men? Hm?” Crowley pointed out. “They’re not families.”

“They’re very busy working men.” Mr. Kennedy nodded. “Listen, ladies… Thanks for stopping in. But I think it’s time you got home and started making supper for your husbands, isn’t it?”

“Our husbands ?” Crowley fumed.

“You can make yourself a snack while you’re at it if you’re really hungry.” Mr. Kennedy hummed.

“This is ridiculous !” Crowley scoffed. “We’re willing to pay you, and you won’t have us?”

“That’s right.” Mr. Kennedy sighed before his eyes darkened and his tone took on more of an edge. “You can take your liberal feminism elsewhere, ma’am. This is a family establishment.”

“I think we will.” Crowley huffed, quickly getting onto her feet and taking Aziraphale’s wrist, dragging her along. “Come on, Angel.”

Crowley was brisk- so brisk, in fact, that Aziraphale nearly stumbled and fell. It was amazing how quickly the demon could move when she was upset. Aziraphale gave an apologizing glance at the waitress on her way out, who looked mortified by the entire situation. Neither Aziraphale nor Crowley had to look around to feel the eyes trained on them. They’d ‘caused a scene’, as some might say. But… even Aziraphale had to admit that it was a scene worth causing. Whilst Crowley had jumped straight to anger, Aziraphale found herself more confused than anything. Why in the world was that man so against them? Had Americans forgotten the importance of showing kindness to strangers? God herself could have been in that restaurant today and Aziraphale got the distinct feeling that ‘Mr. Kennedy’ would have reacted in precisely the same way.

“Thank you for standing up for me.” Aziraphale muttered, holding close now to her colleague.

“Absolutely ridiculous.” Crowley grumbled. “I’ve seen a lot, but this is an all-time low…”

“How has it come to this ?” Aziraphale asked tiredly.

“It’s humanity, Angel- they’re always finding new lows to sink to.” Crowley sighed. “I guess I can tell Hell that they were wrong- this isn’t all just God favoring the women.”

“Is that what Hell thought?” Aziraphale blinked.

“Yup.” Crowley sighed, popping the ‘p’. “Told ‘em that wasn’t the case, but they don’t listen.”

“God doesn’t play favorites- not since Job.” Aziraphale hummed.

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Crowley rolled her eyes. “But this is one problem we can’t pin on her- this one is all humanity.”

“The audacity on that man, to refuse us service!” Aziraphale huffed in agreement.

“We don’t need him.” Crowley sighed. “We’ll find somewhere else to eat- perhaps spend the night out somewhere.”

“Where?” Aziraphale asked.

“The pictures might be nice.” Crowley mused. “I think I saw a poster for a special anniversary screening of Psycho at the theater a few blocks down.”

“Oh no- I read that book. Scared the living daylights out of me.” Aziraphale shuddered. “But… they have made an adaptation of The Sound of Music, and it’s in theaters now…”

“I am not going to watch The Sound of Music.” Crowley deadpanned.

“Well then perhaps we could-” Aziraphale started, before she heard a sharp whistle from across the street. She blinked, her eyes following it.

“ Don’t look .” Crowley warned under her breath.

“Why not?” Aziraphale muttered, looking in the direction of the whistle.

Across the street stood a cluster of four young men, wolfish grins on their faces as they seemed to scan every inch of her and Crowley with their eyes. There was a fear that crashed over Aziraphale like a wave, overwhelming every one of her senses. She wasn’t sure why- it was just a group of boys. If they were armed, Aziraphale didn’t know about it. They were just standing there… Standing there and eyeing her hungrily like she was a piece of meat. The fear seemed innate - instinctual , almost. Like it was programmed into her. She found that that kind of fear was usually very warranted.

“Hey good-lookin’, why don’t you come over here and let us show you a good time?” One of the men called over. She froze, shivers running down her spine.

“I beg your pardon?” She flushed red.

“No no no, angel, don’t let it get to you.” Crowley muttered, tugging on her wrist to keep her pardon.

“Oh, they’re British !” Another one of the men grinned even wider (if that was possible) before letting out a loud whoop. The other men joined, whooping and hollering across the street at her and Crowley. “Come on, let us show you the American way sweetheart!”

“Fuck off!” Crowley growled, glaring at them from across the street.

“Feisty!” Another man seemed to cheer. “I like a feisty girl!”

“Give us a chance, and we’ll teach you some manners.” A man smirked.

“You’re all sick !” Aziraphale exclaimed, finally finding some strength. She couldn’t let them talk about Crowley that way. “She is not an animal to be tamed, and if you don’t stop it right now, I’ll… I’ll…”

“Angel…” Crowley warned under her breath.

“You’ll what, little lady?” One of the boys quirked a challenging brow.

“I’ll call the police!” Aziraphale proclaimed. “This is harassment!”

“Nah… we’re just being friendly is all.” The boy chuckled softly. “Geez, you women can’t take a compliment!”

“I-” Aziraphale started.

“ Leave it , angel.” Crowley warned under her breath. “Just keep moving, or it will only get worse.”

“But we really ought to call the police!” Aziraphale protested quietly. “This isn’t right!”

“Who do you think the police are going to side with?” Crowley asked rhetorically.

“You’re not saying…” Aziraphale’s eyes widened in shock. “But that’s outrageous!”

“It’s society.” Crowley shrugged. “So I’d suggest moving, or they’ll just keep at it.”

“Fine.” Aziraphale muttered shortly, her pace picking up to be rather brisk. Crowley matched it, keeping her head held high.

“We’ll be here waiting when you change your minds!” A man called after them.

Aziraphale could not shake the overwhelming disgust that those men had given her. Did they honestly think that any of that was acceptable? Was that what humanity considered to be ‘normal’? If Aziraphale were an actual woman, she was fairly sure that she would lock herself away from the fear of it all. How courageous must a woman be to even dare to walk the streets when it apparently warranted that kind of attention? Or, a better question still- how had they all not snapped and eliminated the male race entirely? Having to go through that day by day… Aziraphale would think it would drive someone to madness. And yet the women she knew were some of the sweetest, gentlest and most caring individuals to walk the earth. They didn’t just overcome their circumstances- they thrived in spite of them.

She wondered, though, how Crowley knew what was going to happen. Aziraphale knew that her demonic companion had taken on a feminine form more often than she had, but in her experience Crowley hadn’t encountered anything like that … had she? She dreaded to think that perhaps it had , right under her nose, and from her cushy position in a safer masculine form she had failed to notice. Perhaps, even, she had unwittingly supported it. She shuddered to think of that. It was remarkable how stepping into someone else’s shoes could change one’s perspective. Crowley hadn’t even flinched through all of that. Aziraphale very much wished that she had .

“Ridiculous what men think they’re entitled to.” Crowley grumbled as she walked.

“Indeed…” Aziraphale bit her lip, still troubled. “Erm… Crowley?”

“Something on your mind, Angel?” Crowley asked, her tone still short. “Just spit it out- you don’t always have to be so polite.”

“You didn’t seem to be phased by any of that.” Aziraphale blushed. “Why?”

“Oh, Angel… that’s all existed since the dawn of time- since Adam and Eve, or Abraham and Sarah.” Crowley sighed, softening. “Did you really never see it?”

“No.” Aziraphale admitted, a bright crimson. “ I haven’t acted that way unwittingly, have I?”

“How should I know?” Crowley scoffed, before seeing Aziraphale wince. She sighed, toning herself down. “Well… I’m not with you all the time. But from what I’ve seen, you’re a more than decent man, Aziraphale. I don’t think it’s even in your capacity to do anything like that.”

“And I haven’t supported it?” Aziraphale checked.

“Not that I’ve seen.” Crowley assured her.

“Oh good.” Aziraphale sighed in relief.

“Do you really want to see the worst of what men have to offer?” Crowley asked.

“I don’t know… do I?” Aziraphale winced.

“You ought to- for the reports to Heaven and such.” Crowley pointed out.

“I suppose…” Aziraphale sighed. “Where are we going, then?”

“A bar.” Crowley hummed. “Any will do, as long as it’s not gay.”

“Why not the gay ones?” Aziraphale furrowed her brows, following Crowley.

“You’re really asking that?” Crowley raised her brows, unimpressed. Aziraphale blushed again, and she sighed. “This isn’t just a fatal design flaw on the part of all men- it’s a mix of lust and the patriarchy. God did woman no favors making her from man. The way men see it, ‘man was made in God’s image, woman was made for man’. They feel superior to them- like they’re a link higher on the food chain. Mix that with lust, and they begin to feel entitled to them.”

“But God is a woman.” Aziraphale furrowed his brows. “Or… or at least that’s what I’ve heard.”

“Don’t go about trying to tell that to men .” Crowley chuckled.

“I’m sorry, but how does this all relate to your point about gay bars?” Aziraphale checked.

“Gay men don’t lust for women- they don’t even have an interest in them.” Crowley clarified. “It takes out the entitlement factor. So gay men are much better to women. And gay women- the sapphics- well… they know better than to put each other through that.”

“Oh.” Aziraphale blinked, processing that.

“So no gay bars.” Crowley sighed. “We can go to one a little later once we’ve taken enough of a beating from the regular bars.”

“Alright.” Aziraphale sighed.

She let Crowley take the lead. She figured she probably should have known about the entire gay thing- it made complete sense. Perhaps that was why people always assumed Aziraphale was queer- because he treated women so well. How sad was it that that might be indicative of someone’s sexual preferences? That was how little self-control the straight men had over themselves. Now, mind you, Aziraphale knew that was likely a harmful generalization. She was sure that not all straight men treated women this poorly. Most of them probably weren’t so obvious about how they felt about women- they discriminated more quietly, like Mr. Kennedy had. In retrospect, though, Aziraphale wasn’t sure which form of discrimination was worse- the louder and more obviously wrong one, or the one so quiet that society had deemed it ‘normal’.

She followed Crowley in the doors of a dingy looking establishment- though Aziraphale had tended to find all the bars she had been to a little dingy. It was lively inside- lots of men chatting and drinking, making merry. For the first time, Aziraphale noticed the staggering lack of a female presence within a bar. If Crowley’s word was anything to go on, perhaps none of the bars she’d been to had had a strong female presence. She gulped as eyes trained on her much faster than she’d anticipated, smirks starting to grow on the faces of some of her spectators. It was like she’d just walked straight into the lion’s den. She felt Crowley lean into her, and she held closely to her.

“You’ll get the best experience by playing along with them.” The demon muttered.

“Must we?” Aziraphale winced.

“It’ll be worth it.” Crowley promised. She sighed, relenting and following Crowley to sit on a barstool. “Two White Russians.”

“Coming right up, sweetheart.” The bartender winked at the would-be ladies. Wonderful. They were already being patronized.

“What’s a White Russian?” Aziraphale whispered.

“You’ll like it.” Crowley assured her.

The hairs on Aziraphale’s neck raised as some sort of sixth sense activated. Two men approached her and Crowley from behind, situating themselves on either side of the would-be ‘ladies’. You could tell that they weren’t there for drinks- their focus was trained on the ‘girls’, like a predator to its prey. They reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke. Aziraphale had a pit in her stomach- she knew that this was going to be torture. Why had she let Crowley convince her to do this?

“Evening ladies.” The man beside Aziraphale winked. It took everything in her not to cringe. “How’s about I buy you a few drinks?”

“Sure thing, big guy.” Crowley giggled. Inwardly, Aziraphale was groaning. Outwardly, she forced herself to giggle as well, as though she found any joy in the prospect of this slimey man’s company.

“Hey buddy, next few rounds are on me.” The man told the barkeep, slurring his words slightly.

“Name’s Tom, ‘n my buddy is Dylan.” The other man introduced. “What can we call you fine ladies?”

“ Mrs . Fell and Mrs . Crowley.” Aziraphale introduced, with an emphasis on the prefixes.

“You related to an A.Z. Fell and an Anthony Crowley?” Dylan asked.

“I- we are .” Aziraphale stammered, shocked. “Those are… they’re our husbands. ”

“Visited their bookstore on my last trip overseas.” Dylan hummed. “I thought they were queer. ”

“Well, they can be rather strange .” Crowley teased.

“Mmmm… let’s leave the husbands out of this then.” Tom flashed her a wolfish grin. “What’re your names?”

“I-” Aziraphale began to protest.

“I’m Sadie, and my prudish friend is Dottie.” Crowley introduced, offering him a hand to shake. Instead, he yanked it up and kissed it sloppily up her arm. Crowley giggled along with it- but this time the laughter was more obviously fake.

Aziraphale shot Crowley a small frown- they hadn’t discussed new cover names. Then again, they also hadn’t discussed new cover wives . So they were about even, she supposed.

“Yes… Dottie Fell and Sadie Crowley.” Aziraphale confirmed warily.

“I’m Tom, and this is Dylan.” Tom introduced again.

“You’d mentioned that.” Aziraphale, aka Dottie, hummed softly. These men were both drunk as a skunk, which Aziraphale feared meant nothing good.

“What brings two lovely ladies like you into a place like this?” Tom asked.

“Just a night out on the town, exploring.” Crowley- or Sadie , for now- mused playfully.

“Must be so different from England.” Dylan hummed, running a hand down Aziraphale’s arm until it hooked around her side. She felt her breath hitch.

“Erm… yes, it is. Quite.” Aziraphale muttered softly before taking a healthy sip of her drink.

“It’s an awfully long way from home.” Crowley played along, not even flinching as Tom’s arm smoothed down her back and rested just above the danger zone. Instead, Crowley’s eyes were trained on the hands on Aziraphale’s waist. She looked as though she might strike at the slightest wrong move. “Everything here is so exciting !”

“I’m sure it is.” Tom hummed. “You know, if you ladies really want something exciting… we can show you the American Dream .”

“The American Dream ?” Aziraphale tried not to wince, praying with every ounce of strength that she had that he didn’t mean what she thought he meant.

“Mhm, all you gotta do is follow us over to our rooms at The Plaza.” Tom winked. It sent the entirely wrong kind of shiver down Aziraphale’s spine.

“But we just told you we were married !” Aziraphale gasped. “Shame on you!”

“Oh, it’s fine , Dottie- what would two women be doing in a bar if they didn’t want to wind up in someone else’s bed?” Crowley hummed, her tone now laced with more venom. “If we’re here, we can’t just be two girls having fun- we ought to be unhappy in our marriages and seeking a helping hand. Right, boys?”

“See, she gets it.” Dylan smirked, snaking his hand around her waist and to her front to pull her closer. Aziraphale’s eyes widened with more than just discomfort- with a bonafide sense of horror. “C’mon, darlin’. Relax. Get comfortable. I can feel how tense you are .”

“See, the thing is… we just came for a nice night out. ” Crowley sighed, the act dropped. She snapped, and the men both sported handcuffs, and then again and they were all outside. “A night in the cells for public intoxication won’t teach ‘em a lesson, but it ought to do some good.”

“At the very least it will ensure that they don’t get their hands on anyone else.” Aziraphale nodded, before taking Crowley’s hand and starting to walk away.

“Hey… wait…” One of the men protested. “Dottie… Sadie… I’ll love ya truly!”

“I’ll see you in hell, boys!” Crowley called back, a devilish smirk on her face. “We’re going to have a lot of fun.”

As they walked away from the bar, Aziraphale’s stomach tossed and turned. It lost none of the knots it had acquired through the night. The inequality he’d seen earlier was bad, but that… that confirmed a very scary truth for him: women were seen as objects here. Objects . Things a man could own- whether it be for pleasure, or housework, or cooking. They were possessions. And as possessions, men assumed they were capable of being stolen. It clearly didn’t matter how the woman felt about the matter- they only pretended to give the woman a say, but there were expectations. Aziraphale knew there ought to be a reason that Crowley pulled them back out before the men had gotten angry, and she decidedly did not want to know what that reason was. She feared , based on how touchy they’d gotten at the bars, that it might be violent.

“Oh Crowley… this is awful !” Aziraphale’s eyes started to well with tears. “It’s truly, truly awful.”

“I know, Angel.”Crowley soothed.

“And you knew all of this existed?” Aziraphale sniffed, tears running down her face, smudging her makeup in the process but she didn’t much care.

“Yeah… this entire mission is a formality for me.” Crowley admitted. “I had to do something for the paperwork.”

“How could you stand to be a man after knowing all of this?” Aziraphale choked out through a sob. “It makes me sick !”

“It’s terrible, Aziraphale.” Crowley hummed. “But the best way to make the world better for women is to be a good man, yeah? One that lifts a woman’s voice.”

“I suppose…” Aziraphale considered.

“The issue is, they aren’t being heard- the men won’t hear them.” Crowley sighed. “They’re refusing to change. But if some of us do listen, then… then maybe more will too. It can change.”

“You really think so?” Aziraphale sighed.

“I do.” Crowley hummed. “But you didn’t hear that from me, naturally- I wouldn’t want the world to get better, would I?”

“No… no, of course you wouldn’t.” Aziraphale chuckled softly under her breath.

Aziraphale never wanted to go through anything like that again. There were times in that bar when she had genuinely felt scared for her safety. She’d genuinely worried that those men might try to harm her if she refused them, or force themselves on her. Men were terrifying when you weren’t one of them. How had she never seen this side of Man before? She supposed they were civil with those they saw as equal. To this point, Aziraphale could have been counted in those ranks. This was her first experience outside of that, and for the first time she saw clearly the Beast inside of Man. This had all gone far too far, and the one question on loop in Aziraphale’s mind was whether she could have avoided all of this if she’d seen the signs and reported them to Heaven. She supposed not- she wasn’t sure Heaven would have deemed this issue ‘important’ enough to intervene. This world was in a sad, sad state. She only hoped that it wasn’t too late to turn things around.

————

“No no, I’m not saying there’s an error on God’s part- I would never!” Aziraphale corrected themself in a nervous chuckle. “I’m just saying that… that we may not have properly assessed the risks of allowing the patriarchy to flourish.”

Aziraphale stood in front of a council of Archangels. They way the angels pored into them, it almost felt like they were on trial. They were used to it, though, after so many years of working with them. After an amply eventful night, they were presenting their findings- trying to make the Archangels understand why exactly it was that women made up such a sizeable chunk of Heaven’s human population. The issue with Archangels is that they took everything as criticism - and they didn’t like to be criticized. Needless to say that this was becoming an unnecessarily painful experience.

“The basis of the patriarchy isn’t entirely unfounded, Aziraphale.” Uriel noted. “We made Woman as a companion to Man.”

“Yes- and again, I’m certainly not saying it’s our fault that this happened.” Aziraphale sighed. “But Man… Man has gotten a bit confused . Man isn’t just seeing Woman as unequal. They’re seeing her as something akin to a dog that can also cook, do the housework and bear children.”

“But that’s ridiculous- women clearly aren’t dogs!” Gabriel scoffed.

“I know.” Aziraphale bit their cheek softly ti try and suppress their frustration. “I don’t mean that that’s how they see them with their eyes. I mean that it’s how they perceive women in concept. Man thinks that Woman is able to be possessed, and that she should always be expected to give him exactly what he wants, when he wants it.”

“Oh.” Gabriel finally seemed to understand. “And that’s not good for Woman?”

“ No ! It’s not !” Aziraphale huffed, unable to restrain themself any further. “It puts them in an incredible amount of danger! Woman has next to no rights, no respect! They are being raised to measure their worth in how capable they are if cooking a good dinner! A fulfilling career is rarely an option for Woman, nor is a fulfilling education. And if all that isn’t bad enough, every time Woman walks out the door she is liable to be manhandled, tossed around or worse . So no, when I called Earth a ‘living hell’ for them in my report it was not an exaggeration !”

“Mind your tone, Aziraphale.” Michael warned, one of four cool glares that had trained on the Angelic Ambassador.

“Apologies.” Aziraphale sighed, trying to cool themself off before continuing. “A woman is a terribly frightening thing to be on Earth- and yet the majority take all of their blows in silence. They handle themselves with grace and poise. They do what they’re told with no complaint, when they ought to want to eliminate Man entirely . The fortitude of spirit they must exercise to not simply snap has to be worthy of a high commendation. I’ve no doubt that every woman who walks through the Pearly Gates deserves it.”

“Interesting.” Gabriel nodded shortly. “Well, thanks for filling us in, Aziraphale. Anything we can do for you in the meantime? Anything you need down there?”

“Can Heaven… Can Heaven give Man a nudge in the right direction?” Aziraphale asked timidly. “This can’t keep happening this way. Man has pinned these perceptions on God . Perhaps if we intervened, even in the smallest way…”

“We shall see, Aziraphale.” Uriel hummed, before following as Gabriel, Michael, and an Angel whose name slipped Aziraphale’s mind left the room.

We shall see . That was always what they said when nothing was going to happen. Humanity was going to have to rely on itself to fix the damage that had been done, and from what Aziraphale could gather… that was going to go slowly, if it even happened at all. Maybe there would be a momentary lull in the discrimination, but if Aziraphale had learned one thing from their time on Earth it was that history had the unfortunate habit of repeating itself. They feared that this was all just doomed to happen over and over again. Earth was stuck in a cycle that would never end.

#good omens #aziracrow #aziraphale #ineffable idiots #ineffable wives #aziraphale good omens #crowley #ineffable husbands #good omens fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #neil gaiman #60s femme aziracrow #gabriel good omens #uriel good omens #michael good omens

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ineffable-rohese · 6 months

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Thinking a bit about how I gender Crowley and Aziraphale in my writing, and why. Now, what I write is rarely trying to be canon compliant, or trying to exactly replicate canon characterization. I'm also writing what I like (or at least what the brain weasels want me to write), and I am an Aziraphale at heart, so I write a lot through his POV. And because a lot of what I write is smutty, that involves some degree of objectification, especially of Crowley.

So, that said... I definitely see canon Aziraphale as technically agender but also gay in a very mlm way, and Crowley as gender fluid in a broadly queer way. I think these interpretations are backed up by canon evidence.

Aziraphale: Learned to gavotte at a discreet gentlemen's club (AKA, a private gay club). Dresses somewhat flamboyantly, but in roughly period appropriate men's wear. It's often somewhat to a lot outdated, but even that Bastille outfit with the lace was fashionable men's wear in the mid 1700s. He is somewhat effeminate, but in a male way. This angel is gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide and THE southern pansy.

Crowley: Has presented female at a couple points in history. Nanny Ashtoreth was definitely a Role for a Job, but there was no unease in it. There's possibly a job-related reason for him to be in women's attire at the crucifixion, but we're not given one in canon; the Flood look is the same minus a headscarf, but everyone is in robes so I think that one's open for interpretation. In modern eras, some to most of the actual clothing pieces he wears are marketed to women (especially pre-Armageddin't). The pants, the glasses, the scarf, the S1 vest... Honestly, the whole 2008 outfit is such a queer female look and it overlaps with the Nanny timeframe. The 1827 Edinbugh look, from what I can tell, is basically men's wear, but the cut of that overcoat is, if not a women's coat pattern, verging really, really close to one. 1862 and 1941 are definitely masculine looks, like so much so in 1941 that it feels like an I Am Masc Today statement. 2023 also feels more masc in overall cut of the clothing (though the glasses and scarf haven't changed). Not canon, but I resonate with someone's suggestion that Crowley presents more masculine when he wants to be connected with Aziraphale, because Aziraphale is so obviously gay. All that together says fluidity to me. So that's what I see in canon, and I tend to default to those when I'm writing. When I'm staying closer to canon, I'm more likely to write them both as he/him, because that's what we see. For Pretense, they also both have penises, under the assumption that societally they may need them to blend in (we're in Rome in a time where some form of public nudity would be more common). I have written Ineffable Wives - in fact, that was what got me writing, was wanting to write them as female - and they both had vulvas in that one. For my post-canon/non-canon AUs, Aziraphale has so far been male-presenting and he/him and Crowley is variously presenting with a variety of pronouns. Either of them can have any variety of body configurations, just depending on my mood and what feels like it will best serve the story. At least one of them often has a vulva just because I feel like there isn't enough cunt love out there and I think it's hot.

I've thought about doing more female-presenting Aziraphale. If I'm writing what I find hot, it would make sense for me to write her. I'm not normally attracted to men/masc people with Aziraphale's body type but I am very attracted to women/femme people with that body type. Why? Who knows, but it is what it is. But the Aziraphale that lives in my head seems to resist being feminine in a female way, so he gets to be feminine in a male way, and the Crowley that lives in my head helps me write him as hot, even if I wouldn't normally see it. Crowley, on the other hand, seems totally fine with whatever I want to do with him/her/them, up to and including Demon and Snake forms. I'd like to write more of Fem Aziraphale (again, because I write what I find hot, and she's so hot), but I think she'd be an entirely different character to Gay Aziraphale, and she hasn't been as loud about having her stories told. Perhaps I need to try writing Butch Aziraphale instead and see where that takes me...

So anyway, that's way too many words on something no one asked me to talk about, but what is the internet for than spouting your opinions to people who didn't want or need them?

#on writing #gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide #crowley is a genderfluid icon

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archangelween · 6 months

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Parallels to the war in heaven

We know that the paintball battle is supposed to be a reenactment of the war in heaven.

Newt is Crowley's analogue, and Newt has just gotten a NEW job as a low level clerk and is asking weird, basic questions of another low level employee--he's saying he can't do simple things the way they want them done. In analogy, Crowley must have been promoted or somehow infiltrated the upper admin to try to get info about/stop the planned shut down of the universe. But he was caught, aka Newt was fired after blowing the power. I think Crowley may have found some way to kill miracle power, if we interpret Newt killing all power literally: angels run on miracle power, and they can't delete creation if they don't have the miracles to do it with.

This means Crowley was not high ranking originally. I think what people are reading as deference and respect isn’t about Crowley's assumed high rank, it's just Aziraphale's innate kindness. Perhaps Aziraphale was higher ranking, but I don't think that fits either because he doesn't have an analogue I can identify in the paintball war among all the high admin.

I don’t think angel ranks used to be about how much power an angel was created with, barring possibly Lucifer/Satan. Crowley clearly has a lot of power, but if he wasn't high ranking then ranks can't have been 1:1 about raw power. Hell's respect for Crowley is because he tried to spy on admin to prevent the war that none of them wanted, to stop the destruction of the universe that all of Lucifer's/hell's side was trying to prevent, to protect something they loved. To protect them all. If he was an original archangel, perhaps they got to choose their rank, and he didn't want to be admin, instead doing engineering. Perhaps there weren't ranks below the top admin, and the sleeve decorations denoted type or raw power instead of rank.

I haven’t figured out who Aziraphale is yet in the office parallels, if he’s even there. Perhaps Newt's mother sending him off to his job is Aziraphale's analogue? That would explain why he's not in the war itself, and also why both of them were taken out "early" (ie the ineffables getting shot just as they enter the manor) if they both got caught infiltrating admin. It also means that, since they were shot by opposing sides, hell didn't know Aziraphale was helping Crowley. Newt's mother has a dark green/blue sweater over a dark green dress with white and brown decoration; that's probably death and god's game, which fits Crowley the angel being replaced with Crowley the demon, followed with Aziraphale's usual cognitive acrobatics thinking surely god must want her creations protected. Newt has a dark graybrown suit, white shirt, and tie is red, yellow, grayblue, brown, cream. That’s motivation of the rules and some combo of spying with fate/choice, and the tie is anger/fear plus defiance, spying for defense of life, fate, and bending the rules. His dark green plant means he's part of god's game; their backdrop is light brown bricks, meaning their plan was a choice, not fate. The white box his plant is in tells us that Crowley honestly thought he was doing the right thing to save creation. He was also reluctant to go to this job, he didn't think it would work out, so Crowley was doing this as a last ditch effort because this was better than the alternative. He wanted it to work, he believed, but he was already disillusioned by this time. What had already happened to make him that way? Or had he learned from Aziraphale how things actually go down?

We don’t see the paintball war going on before the ineffables show up at the manor. As they roll up, Aziraphale says the place is loved; I think this is saying that before the war, heaven as a place was loved, and love was abundant. But….how does that track with knowing that there was fear and authoritarianism long before that? Maybe it wasn’t the reality of it or god who was loved (or she was, and they didn't realize her nature yet), but how angel Crowley loved it–the way it could be, the way he wanted it to be, and presumably how Lucifer's side wanted things. Love between each other, before disagreements got entrenched. The war could have been over defending that idea against the growing authoritarianism, not about who should get to be dictator, as traditional christian myth says.

The paintball fight is yellow flags using blue paint, and red flags using yellow. The rebellion side is Lucifer’s side, that’s the yellow people. Norman Weathered is Lucifer–the guy who suggests the “training initiative” ie the war. "Norman Weathered" as a name means northman which biblically refers to either Babylon or the north star; Lucifer can be read as being the "north star" ie the morningstar. Weathered is "tender of rams".

The first time we see him in the office, he’s got a blue/white pinstripe shirt and his tie looks dark red, pinstripe black suit. Can’t see the pattern. Black coffee cup. This means he’s driven by respect for life and the rules, plus love, but he’s hiding all this presumably because despite being the highest archangel, half of heaven doesn’t like that he's speaking out against god.

I think the black coffee cup means that he's hiding something about what he's saying: perhaps he's pushing for the fight and using it or "the rules" as cover to get rid of his opponents in order to protect creation: willing to kill to protect life. I do not think it can be due to wanting to rule, despite that being the traditional accusation, because he would not have a dark red tie. Perhaps that's what the blue and white stripe shirt means more abstractly: he interprets the rules as protecting life, not dominating it, but he's willing to defend it with whatever it takes. During the fight we see his tie is actually bright red, with blue and white flower-looking things. Looks like the same type of flower as is on Metatron’s tie. That his tie goes from looking dark to bright red means he didn’t actually want war, that he was forced into it, just as we see Norman doing: if they want war, we'll give them war.

Yellow with blue ammunition is Lucifer's side saying life matters and that defiance is worth defending it, against Gabriel's red with yellow ammunition side saying Lucifer's defiance matters and using war to enforce that. Thus the war was actually not something god wanted at all: the only orange is on Frobisher, who represents Michael, and ended the war. Since most of them are wearing dark green and dark brown camo, that means the war was part of god's game aka the ineffable plan and it was fate: it wasn't planned per se, but it was fate that the angels would fight over something. God deliberately set them up, engineered it, because she created them as they are. But again, neither side was “hers”, her representatives, even though Gabriel's claimed they are because they won. That was retcon. All winners claim to have god's hand: it seems like god was already not talking to anyone as far back as the pre-fall, perhaps even as far back as immediately after planning creation, and we know this because Janice Evanson in the office says she put in a complaint to HR, ie God, trying to prevent the paintball game. God clearly does nothing.

Janice Evanson means "gift from god, the lord is gracious/favor this child". She's on team yellow. She has a very light blue/green shirt with black and brown designs, I'm going to call that a version of aqua, ie both blue and green: marked as the game and life. The black and brown designs mean she's only slightly dissembling when she's trying to stop the war, and she's exercising free choice to do so: perhaps she doesn't want war only because war is wrong or it's annoying. Janice could be Furfur, who in s2 complains to the dark council about Crowley, which fits Janice complaining to HR about the other employees. That's the wrong season though so it's unlikely. She may be Dagon, purely because when Newt arrives he asks about the wages database, so this group deals with those files, and Dagon is lord of files.

Louisa Blatt "famous dove warrior", is the woman Newt talks to who wears pearls and a black sweater over a white shirt during the fight. She is probably Beelzebub, because Louisa tells Janice that she doesn't trust the people from the other team, which is what Beez says of Michael during Crowley's trial in hell. If she is, then Beelzebub being "favored" and "a gift from god" is a radical statement about hell's denizens: this is who they were before the fall; they're not damned for losing, which we already knew from heaven's winning side not being god's agents. I had originally thought she was Uriel, but she's on team yellow, so unless some of the rebels weren't tossed to hell--which is something the authors would do--that doesn't fit. The name doesn't fit with Uriel's "god is my flame/light of god" though so I don't think that's likely for this character. Beez has an orange sash in s1, so I think her being Louisa with the pearls fits.

The red side is the establishment, Gabriel's. Gabriel is Nigel Tompkins, the guy who announces the paintball in the office and runs up to the ineffables at the manor. Nigel Tomkins means "little twin champion"; traditionally, Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer were twins/triplets. The first time we see him in the office, his shirt is white with a dark red tie, black suit, bright red coffee cup. That means he's a stickler for the rules and also doing things out of love: there was indeed love present in heaven before the war, just as Aziraphale said "this place is loved". As we see in present-day heaven though, it completely lacks love, because authoritarianism won. Nigel is speaking for war though, hence the bright red cup.

Michael is Frobisher, "warrior", the woman who calls newt a dick and is the one who shoots Norman. Traditionally she's the one who casts Lucifer down to hell. She’s in light browns during the fight, so her taking down Lucifer was her own choice, not fate. They didn’t have to force them to hell. Presumably whatever happened to force the change of name from Satan to Lucifer is what "shooting Norman" is referring to, and that's what this choice means: that wasn't fate, wasn't planned, and was entirely the angels' idea. Michael either is or used to be favored by god before the war, due to Frobisher's dark orange hair; dark orange indicated negative change, throwing a wrench in the works, as opposed to positive things with neon orange like saving Job's kids. Negative change, as in creating hell and eternal fights.

Frobisher has a pink shirt; the only other times we've seen pink are on sex workers, Tracey and Mrs Sandwich, both BDSM doms. It seems Michael either has a side gig or has been domming demons since pre-fall. In s2, Michael and Dagon seem to have a history as Dagon makes faces at Michael, which Michael shakes her head at to indicate "now is not the time". If Janice is indeed Dagon, then perhaps in s3 Michael and Dagon will be next to jump ship like Gabriel and Beez did: Janice didn't want the war, and Michael has been seeing them since before the war which is the reason Beez jumped ship in s2. Perhaps that's part of why Michael was so insistent on becoming the next supreme archangel, to gain that freedom.

Crowley did change the guns from harmless paintball to real guns though, which I think means that god intervened to up the ante: perhaps the angels didn't originally attempt to kill each other, but god gave them something in the middle of the fight that each side may have interpreted as the other deliberately doing: "they wanted war", when it was actually god doing it for her own amusement. Was it changing one side to demons so that halo bombs would be deadly? Was it inventing hellfire and holy water too, so each side had a weapon? Given the halo s2 reference to the war, I think that might be it--god made the Fall happen either before or halfway through the battle because "they wanted to be kill each other, so she gave them what they wanted". It was originally just a moral argument about what silent god wanted, but then god made it so they could die. And blamed it on them to wash her hands, as if she wasn't inventing murder. No wonder Gabriel's side thought that meant God was on their side, and against Lucifer's. But if there's an equal number of angels and demons in present day, then there must have been way more on Lucifer's side to start with if halos can permanently discorporate demons. And if there were way more, then god would be forced to introduce death to make that fight equal, to make it entertaining. The war would have ended everything for her. Can't be having that.

In s2, there's another war parallel in the attack on the bookshop. Perhaps not all the demons and angels went to war, if the availability of the demons is an indicator, and if we read the humans as angels who sat out the battle. Only two humans stayed behind, and very few demons got assigned to go on attack--this fits with the idea that there must have been a lot more demons on Lucifer's side than angels on Gabriel's. I think god must have intervened so that Lucifer wouldn't win, in order to keep her game going, so that there would still be two sides to continue fighting: if that's true, then some demons could have fallen for no reason, depending on how she divided it up. Crowley wasn't one of them though, there was a reason, even though the reason was fascist.

I think the paintball war is how things happened from hell's perspective, and the bookshop attack is how it happened from heaven's perspective. That may be why it comes off so lopsided in the bookshop. I do think there were more on Lucifer's side, but I don't think they were all fighting--much as with the paintball fight, I think they were evenly matched, and god nerfed Lucifer. We see things from Lucifer's team POV, but we aren't shown the other team. In the bookshop, we see things from Aziraphale's POV, aka heaven's, and we don't really see much of the demons' while they're there.

#good omens #paintball war #bookshop attack #war in heaven

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adrianasunderworld · 2 years

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Any relationships between the Disney princesses and the staff we don't know about?

I've said before that Cinderella is closest to Trein. Trein sees his own daughters in her, and Cinderella sees the kind of relationship she could have had with Lady Tremaine. No one will ever truly replace her father, but Trein give her that paternal affection she has sorely missed.

Elsa is still doing her ice dress thing and Crewel notices and gives her pointers. He's fascinated by how she can make ice in all it's forms behave like fabric and make these stunning outfits. Elsa sort of becomes Crewels fashion protégé, and even teaches her how to sew regularly. Because Elsa keeps offering to fix up all the girls clothes to be more their tastes, to which everyone but Anna and maybe Ariel decline. The cold never bothered her, but it bothers everyone else.

Belle is trying hard not to judge Vargas too harshly because of her own experience with Gaston. She would rather deal with Vargas over Gaston any day, but it's a slow warm up. Though it doesn't help when mention off handedly that Belle is a lot like a girl he knows in his home town.

Tiana and Sam get along great once Tina is confident that Sam isn't Facilier. Sam is is one of if not the most reliable of the staff and Tiana can always count on him to have the best ingredients and kitchen supply in stock for her. He'll let her know when new stuff comes in before Azul, just because she's his favorite imp.

Tiana, Belle, Elsa, Jasmine, and Mulan are usually the ones to deal with Crowley. Because they are the most firm with putting their foot down and calling him out. They are least likely to be strong armed into something, and if Crowley tries to get one of the other girls to do something, they're go to answer is "Go to one of them." They know not to give him an inch.

Mulan and Merida are Vargas's new star athletes. He unashamedly encouraged them to dress as guys for Spelldrive games so they can compete once he saw how easily Mulan can do it.

The classic princess trio, aka Cinderella, Snow White, and Aroura, are Treins new star pupils in animal linguistics. Theyre always a delight in class and speak flawlessly. Especially Aroura, who says her aunt Fauna taught her.

That being said, Jasmine is Lucius favorite. He knows shes a cat person, and is always hopping into her lap when he sees her.

Trein: I take it you're a cat lover as well, Miss Jasmine?

Jasmine: Yes, i have a wonderful pet back home called Rajah.

Merida:....??? You mean the 400 pound tiger?

Jasmine: He's still a cat.

Due to Aroura growing up in the woods, and Flora, like her name suggest, knowing about plants, Aroura does very well in Crewels class, at least in the written portions. He's always praising her for it, and everyone wants to go with her to the botanical garden to help them memorize what is what.

Ariel and Rapunzel are always fascinated by all the stuff in Sams shop and are always curious about the magic artifacts and tools he has. Sam always indulges their curiosity, he's always amused by how excited they are. He knows when they tag along with Tiana to do the shopping, it's not going to be a dull visit.

Crowleys favorite is Snow White. When he pops by Ramshackle for his bullshit, Snow is the only one that's offering him tea or something. "Why can't you all be as sweet and Snow?" It's only because she's too nice to tell him to fuck off and she tries very hard to see the good in everyone. Someone else usually has to put their foot down and tell Crowley to leave because they have things to do.

#twisted wonderland #twisted princess au #twst staff #dire crowley #divus crewel #twst sam #ashton vargas #mozus trein #disney princess

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grimreaperems15 · 2 years

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Summary of The Crow Part 1 aka the backstory to Melody and Headmaster Crowley’s Connection to each other.

It’s been some time since I gave an update on The Crow. Since then, I’ve been busy with trying to apply for a job and other stuff going on in real life. Given this, I have decided to just make a summary post of what happened in the past between Headmaster Crowley and Melody’s ancestor, Miriam. If I have the time and motivation as well as requests to do so, I might still try and post a fic split into multiple parts. Just know that it might be a long time before it’s finished.

Link to my Twisted Wonderland OC’s profile!

⚠️TW⚠️: Contains Chapter 6 spoilers, mentions of war, starvation, major character(s) death, angst

Music:

Two Birds by Regina Spektor

“Two birds of a feather say that they’re always gonna stay together, but one’s never going to let go of that wire.”

The Past:

The earth was mostly scorched with fire and destruction as a result of the fierce fighting between the Great Seven and the Titans. Many living beings had already died out or were in the process of dying due to the lack of food and water. For those that were still alive, it was a competition for survival. A brutal competition in which those who won slayed their opponents and ate them.

One of these beings in the process of dying was a crow with an injured right wing. A starving child had thrown a rock at him, desperate for something to eat, causing the wing to be damaged. While the crow was able to get away, it eventually collapsed in an area that had been turned into a desert, having exhausted its remaining energy.

A young girl dressed in armor found the injured crow and used her magic to heal the wing. She introduced herself as Miriam and told the crow to take care of himself before leaving. The crow, wanting to show gratitude to Miriam, followed after her, only to discover that she had a traveling companion, a giant chimera named Grim. A cat-like beast with wings and fangs.

Seeing the crow, Grim was about to attack when Miriam stopped him. Given that the crow had followed after her, she decided to let him tag along as another traveling companion. Before the trio set off, Miriam decided to give the crow a name. She named him Crowley which he has kept ever since.

Miriam, Grim, and Crowley traveled the land, witnessing the destruction of life. Withered plants and dead animals were scattered all around. The trio always stopped to help out anyone or anything needing assistance.

However, the small group of them could only do so much. As the war between the Great Seven and the Titans progressed, it became harder for even the three of them to continue traveling. Much of the world was now uninhabitable, making it difficult to survive.

It was at this point that Miriam realized she knew what she needed to do. It was time for her to fulfill her purpose. Miriam was not from this world, yet she had been brought here by an unknown force. Her purpose; to stop the fighting between the two warring parties.

With Grim by her side, Miriam went off to end the war once and for all. However, Crowley stayed behind. Given that Crowley did not have the ability to use magic at the time, Miriam feared he would die in an instant. To prevent that from happening, she told Crowley to go a long distance away from them and seek shelter.

Kissing the top of the head of the crow, she whispered something in his ear before climbing on Grim, drawing her sword she always kept on her person. Wanting to honor Miriam’s request, Crowley watched as the pair flew away, towards a giant column of ominous dust and lightning that had been growing bigger and bigger. The crow then took off himself to seek shelter, tears streaming from his eyes. As much as he wanted to accompany Miriam and Grim, he knew he was not strong enough to fight.

Taking shelter in one of the last remaining forests, Crowley watched as the vortex in the distance grew smaller and smaller with each passing day. Finally, on the fifth day, a bright light burst from the storm, reaching up to the heavens. Within an instant, the vortex was gone.

The landscape began to turn green as various plants sprouted throughout the land. Life was beginning to come back. No longer did living beings have to fight for natural resources. For this, the crow was thankful. It could now happily munch on apples, its favorite food and not worry about there not being enough apple trees.

However, not everything came back.

Despite the life that flourished, neither Miriam nor Grim came back. It was then that Crowley realized the truth.

Miriam and Grim had given their life to save this world. A world from which they did not belong to.

The crow also realized that both of them knew that they were very likely to die. There were times when Miriam looked as if she were on the verge of tears, seeking the comfort of Grim and Crowley as they piled together to stay warm during the cold nights. Miriam was likely scared of her inevitable fate.

Right before she and Grim had left, Miriam had put on a brave face as she told Crowley to go seek refuge in a safe place. However, Crowley noticed that she was shaking in her boots. Grim, who had acted pretty nonchalantly throughout their journey also seemed to be on edge, his fur standing up on its end.

Being the only survivor of the trio, Crowley looked once more towards the rising moon and thought of his friends.

So this is my very condensed summary of the story between Headmaster Crowley and Miriam, Melody’s descendant. I will post another summary sometime soon of the present day when Headmaster Crowley and Melody meet for the first time at Night Raven College. Anyways, I hoped you enjoyed this summary! If you have any in-depth questions about the story, feel free to put them in my ask box!

This is what Miriam is supposed to look like except she has blue eyes instead of brown ones (I don’t know how to put blue eyes in I’m not that skilled at editing).I found this on pinterest a long time ago and have had it saved in my camera roll. All credits go to the person who originally made this. If someone can find the original art, please link it and I will update this post with the proper source credit!

UPDATE: Someone was kind enough to give me the link to the original art! Thank you so much! Please check out the original artist’s content here!

Instead of the cute, cuddly Grim we all know, I chose this beast instead to represent Grim. It is the one you fight at the very beginning of the game as part of the tutorial.

#twisted wonderland #night raven college #twst oc #summary #angst #headmaster crowley

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youchangedmedestiel · 9 months

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Crazy ex-girlfriend x Supernatural

My crazy thing of the day is that I listened to Crazy ex-grilfriend songs and thought: who could sing that in Supernatural?

So there it goes:

DEAN:

“I’m just a girl in love” is so Dean.

“You Stupid Bitch” is Dean hating himself (that could be Cas too I guess).

“Angry Mad aka Josh's Angry Dance” that one is obviously Dean.

“Getting’ bi” yeah well that one is even more obvious.

SAM and DEAN:

“Face your fears” because that’s just how Sam and Dean roll and they don’t really have any other choice.

“I have friends” this is Sam and Dean trying to convince themselves especially in early seasons.

SAM, CAS and DEAN:

“Friendtopia” is kind of the pep talk Sam, Cas and Dean say to themselves before preventing another apocalypse.

CAS AND DEAN:

“Dear Joshua Felix Chan” but more like “Dear Dean Winchester” sang by Cas (it works in reverse too tbh).

“Romantic moments” that’s Dean because Cas is such a clueless little angel.

“Horny Angry Tango” it’s Cas and Dean during their usual bickering (like in episode 12x10 “Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets” just to name one).

“You Go First” is Dean and Cas during breakup arc or divorce arc, your choice.

“It Was a Shit Show” would have been funny instead of Cas’s confession scene in the dungeon, less heart crusher, less soul destroyer you know.

“The Group Mind Has Decided You're In Love” is, well, it’s us with Destiel, we haven't decided it because it's there of course, but it's funny (plus they are dressed as cowboys during the song so duh!)

OTHER CHARACTERS:

“So Maternal” that’s Jody taking everyone home and raising them.

“I’m the villain in my own story” is soooo Crowley, that one is just perfect for him.

“I’m a good person” is kind of Lucifer trying to convince Team Free Will they can work together and should trust him.

BONUS:

“The Math of Love triangles” is Dean "stuck" in Purgatory with Cas and Benny.

“Oh My God I Think I Like You” is Dean about Cas ruining him.

I didn’t think it would be that long actually, but it was fun to do. Maybe there is more that can be applied, feel free to add if I missed them.

Also, now, I want to see them singing those songs with some change in the lyrics to fit better, because I can picture it so easily. Yeah, I want to see that on my screen. Why did I do that?

(If you haven't watched Crazy ex-girlfriend, I recommand it. Weirdly it has nothing to do with Supernatural but even more weirdly lots of songs work for the SPN characters.)

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sailing-heinzy · 5 years

Text

Can I get a wahoo! for a spoopy Crowley?

#good omens cosplay #demon crowley #munheinz #heinztalks #sea-things #sailor’s life #randopics #aka just wanted Crowley in this dress #and those reverses pentagram socks-

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aziraphales-library · 7 months

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Hello! got any recommendations for some first kiss fics based on the trailers? sort of like what people think will happen in s2? preferably no smut!

Hi! Here are some first kiss fics published just before series two was released...

The Memories that Show us the Power of Love by eveningdreamer (T)

Cautiously Crowley stepped forward and looked closer. He gasped as he saw himself. But he looked different; with long hair and dark robes. He was grinning and tapping the angel on the shoulder like they were old friends. Crowley felt a wave of strange emotions. He felt… sentiment? For this moment he could not remember? Crowley's memories are taken away by Hell, and he has been sent to retrieve Gabriel from Aziraphale's shop. Can Aziraphale bring them and Crowley back? Perhaps he just has to show Crowley what he is missing.

Not Ever by GhoulishBastard (T)

Crowley is seen living in his Bentley for the following months as he no longer owns the flat he once had. In refusing to move into Aziraphale's bookshop due to the retired demons own self-loathing and embarrassment, we are met with a rather distant and bored Crowley. Upon stopping by the bookshop for his occasional check in, Crowley is led to share a little more about himself with his angel friend, who is once again requesting him to stay.

Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered by grntair3 (NR)

"Isn't this the one about the fish?" came Crowley’s voice. Aziraphale turned, eyes meeting Crowley's through his lenses before moving on to take in the rest of him. He was wearing a suit he'd never seen before–crisp, black on black pinstripe trousers with a matching jacket that was left undone, accompanied by a buttoned mesh black shirt underneath. Through it Aziraphale could see the smooth skin of his slim frame, from just above his navel to his Adam’s apple. Around his neck lay a thin, rope-like black tie, which only brought more attention to his visible clavicle. Aziraphale felt a rush run over him. "Sorry... what was that?" (aka, Aziraphale throws The Ball)

In Other Words (Baby, Kiss Me) by asparkofgoodness (M)

“You’ll stab your eye if you keep on like that.” “I’ll be- oops!” He rubbed at a stray mark with his ring finger, then continued. “I am very out of practice, I’m afraid. Ouch!” “Just,” Crowley huffed as he plucked the pencil from his hand, “let me. C’mere.” Aziraphale did as he was told, turning away from the mirror and watching with widening eyes as Crowley stepped in close. Oh, my. The mirrors’ bulbs bathed half of his angled features in soft light. Always, Crowley was always gorgeous, but something about this suit — the wide plane of the shoulders, perhaps, or the way the vertical stripes led one’s eyes down the length of his body — and the cut of the hat across his brow… Aziraphale could hardly manage a coherent thought. The buzz of the audience reminded him: show. Soon. Right. ----- Crowley pops into the dressing room before Aziraphale's magic show to wish him luck.

1:57AM at A.Z. FELL AND CO. by Lupe1987 (T)

crowley and aziraphale get plastered. they get drunk and make bad decisions. aziraphale turns out to be strikingly poetic when he's drunk.

All i want is nothing more than you Lightofonesoul (G)

It a fanfiction about a scene in the opening and that dinner in '41 (that it's in my head) + an addiction 👀 "He met his eyes and again that small pout made him raise his snake eyes to heaven, and to God who had decided to put in his way a creature so extremely... adorable. Again, he found himself doing what his friend wanted. He lifted his left foot, resting it on the towel, and the angel started to look at it. “Mmmh yes, you seem ok.” He said absorbed and then took to turn his foot, here and there to saw if he was really healed. Crowley had said nothing, tried not to move and not look at him, to not to concentrate on his delicate and pleasant touch. To not wander his mind on that contact and that closeness by the one he had wanted for centuries. "Aziraphale usually interrupted those moments of intimacy, as if he snapped his fingers to raise an invisible barrier between them. Crowley looked away for a moment, turning his head to the side and drinking the wine in silence, to give him time to do what he had always done, to save himself from temptation, but that evening it did not happen."

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #first kiss #kissing #good omens s2 #mod d

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 3 years

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Let's show the staff some love! What about hcs of the nrc staff as dads?

Just in time for Father’s Day (at least in my country)~

Curiouser and Curiouser...

If his attitude toward work (aka pushing all the school’s problems to his students to solve) is of any indication, Crowley is a very “hands off” type of guardian. He trusts that his kid is able to look after themselves just fine (and if not, then he’ll find a babysitter for them).

Honestly? Crowley’s just overall very clumsy and inexperienced with parenting. That doesn’t mean he won’t try, though! Chances are, you’ll be able to find the headmaster in the library, reading up on childcare, or speaking with his fellow NRC staff, for advice.

He’s not much of a cook, so whenever it’s his turn to provide food for his child, Crowley usually resorts to ordering takeout. (... Or leeching free food from his students.) It’s nothing fancy, but a crow’s gotta do what a crow’s gotta do to provide for his family!

Despite how dubious he looks, Crowley actually has a decently soothing voice! He’ll tuck his kid in and sing them to sleep if they’ve got insomnia or bad dreams are keeping them awake. He won’t leave their bedside until they’re safely in dream land.

The headmaster carries a peculiar locket around with him at all times--a locket which contains his child’s picture, and can only be opened with a special key that his child holds. He gifted that key to them during one of their birthdays--denoting that his family holds the “key” to his heart, even if it may not always seem like they do.

Crowley can be a bit scatterbrained at times, so he often tells his child, “Do as I say, not as I do!” He’s still learning how to improve each and every day, so he doesn’t want his kid repeating the same blunders as him!

Crewel is strict, but not unreasonable. He sets very clear rules and expectations for his kid, and has certain rewards and consequences in place, too. Those rules aren’t set in stone, though! Crewel’s willing to listen to critique and change them around if his kid can make a valid argument for their case (but he’ll put up a good fight).

This man’s an advocate for tough love. He won’t let his child off the hook with just a slap on the wrist; he’ll hold them accountable for their actions and punish them according to the severity of their wrongdoing (scolding, grounding, etc). (The only thing that could possibly make the situation worse is if his kid lies to him--Crewel would rather they confess to their crimes than try to cover them up or deny responsibility.)

He always has dogs in the home (whether its his own pet Dalmatians, or a stray he’s helping to get back on their paws), so naturally, he raises his child to be comfortable around canines. It’s not unusual to see Crewel playing fetch or taking a stroll with his kid and the family dogs.

He’s all for freedom of self-expression (tattoos, piercings, hair dye, whatever!), but he won’t let his child leave the house looking like a mess. Crewel will make sure that they’re well-groomed and dressed in stylish outfits for every occasion!

When they eat out, Crewel is very adamant about his kid getting exactly what they ordered. (“Excuse me, they asked for no pickles.”) When they’re at home, Crewel does most of the cooking--and he makes painstaking efforts to make sure the food is portioned properly, fun, and aesthetically pleasing for his child to eat, from rabbit-shaped apple eggs to star-shaped carrot pieces.

Crewel wants his kid to be strong and independent, so he starts teaching them all the life skills he thinks they’ll need early. That means cooking, cleaning, managing personal finances, social red flags, basic first aid, etc.

Though Trein looks stern, he’s actually quite a doting father! He has a bad habit of spoiling his children, whether it be through gifts or through gushing words of affection and praise.

He’s a huge worrywart! Trein panics if he sees the smallest bruise or scratch on his kid(s) and insists that he take them to see a physician at once! He’s also the type to interrogate instructors at parent-teacher conferences--just so he’s sure his angel(s) are doing well and having fun at school.

Trein keeps a family photo album (er, several) and continuously updates them. He has pictures of his child(ren) throughout their life--from newborn to adulthood--and can tell you many stories related to each photograph. It’s a great conversation starter for when he has guests over.

Trein’s a stickler for rules and formalities, so, in addition to making sure that his kid(s) know their “pleases” and “thank yous”, he also instills some less conventional habits. For example, instead of responding with “what?” when someone says something that confuses them, his child(ren) are taught to say “pardon?” instead.

It’s very important to Trein that the entire family sits down for meals together (this extends to afternoon teas, too). He likes seeing his child(ren)’s face(s) and being able to catch up with their lives over food.

Somewhat of an overprotective father. He thinks the world of his child(ren), so he harshly scrutinizes anyone that would threaten to take them away from him. Ultimately, Trein is mature enough to accept that his kid(s) seek happiness and new lives with others, and he will support their decision(s).

Vargas is the biggest cheerleader for his child! He’ll make it a point to attend every major milestone and event... not just holidays or graduations, but also every concert, sporting event, play, etc. His kid can always tell where he is in the crowd, too--because Vargas is cheering the loudest.

Of course, he’s a big advocate for playing outdoors and generally being active! Vargas will often join his kid in exercising, plus the sports and games they play (but he’ll go easy on them so they have a shot at beating their old man)! Sometimes he plans entire family trips just to get the muscles moving--to a beach, a skii resort, camping grounds by the mountains, wherever seems interesting!

He gives straightforward and honest advice. Vargas knows when his kid is in need of having some common sense knocked into them, and he’s willing to deliver. He won’t sugar coat things, but he won’t be unnecessarily cruel, either. Vargas will tell it like it is, and follow up with words of encouragement and support!

Vargas is the dad that insists he’s the best at grilling things at every neighborhood barbeque. (And yes, he does, indeed, own an apron that says “Kiss the Cook”, and he will wear it every chance he gets.)

Dad jokes? Vargas loves’m! He’s fond of the “Hi, [adjective], I’m dad” one-liner, though he’s also a fan of bad, groan-inducing puns in general (”Egg-cellent workout today, champ!”).

He brags about many things, but especially his child’s achievements and accomplishments, to the other parents! Vargas is just so proud of his kid he wants to talk everyone’s ears off about them.

Sam’s very lax with his parenting! He thinks it’s better that a child experiences life with minimal restraints, though he’ll keep an eye on them from a distance to make sure that they don’t get into too much trouble.

Sam encourages his child to take leaps of faith and to try new things every day--most notably, hobbies and foods! He loves playing the piano along with them as they try a new instrument, or watching how his their face light up when he presents them with a new dish.

He pretty much always gets his kid what they want for special occasions, be it the reddest enchanted rose or a mermaid queen’s forgotten music box. (How did he get his hands on them? He’ll never tell!)

Sam can entertain his kid for ages with his animated style of storytelling. He gets really theatrical with his performances, putting on all kinds of silly voices, making hand gestures and shadow puppets, and using little items as props. At times, he’ll also pull little magic tricks or sleights of hand to really make the tale he’s telling come alive.

Due to the nature of Sam’s work, he’s not home all the time--he may be away negotiating a deal, or trading for rare goods! Sometimes, Sam brings his kid along with him to see the world, but if he deems the trip to be too scary or dangerous, he’ll leave them at home with a good luck charm and the promise of his safe return (with maybe a souvenir or two).

In his spare time, he puts together handmade plushies for his child, meant to keep them company when he’s not there. The plushies aren’t the prettiest things in the world, with different patches of fabric making up clothes, obvious stitching marks on their skin, and mismatched button eyes, but they’ve got a lot of love and care put into them.

#twst #twisted wonderland headcanons #Dire Crowley #Divus Crewel #Mr. S #Sam #Ashton Vargas #Mozus Trein #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #curiouser and curiouser #NRC Staff #Mister S

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liums · 3 years

Text

Leona x Reader (ft.vargas camp event)

Important information- y/n is female but is pretending to be male.

Context- This happens in a timeline where when Yuu (aka y/n or mc) arrived to the NRC, since it was an all boys school, Crowley asked y/n to pretend to be male and keep it a secret.

In Leona’s version, he found out when a teacher made him go check on y/n because “he” did’t show up in class.(Ruggie was too busy to go) When Leona arrived and knocked, since no one awnsered he just entered anyway lol. He saw a bunch of bandages on the floor and when he found y/n in a room, even if he saw y/n with unuasual long hair, he called and when y/n turned arround, Leona saw you were naked from waist up, with exemption of a bra....he was as shocked as he could be, and just turned arround and left. Y/n ran after him while dressing a shirt, explained the situation and he agreed to keep it a secret with a “What a pain I have gotten myself into” while rubbing his neck. (this happened after Jamil overblot and the two of you had a “I don’t mind his company ” relationship)

Now, with the story:

It was the end of the first day one and every club had just returned to the camp, exausted by the harduous day of challenges, ones more than others, since some didn’t even raise a finger. Y/n and Grim however were having their share of fun, they weren’t allowed to participate in the challanges, but recording such good memories with their friends was very fun.

Y/n was reviewing the photos that were taken during the first day while Vargas was speaking with everyone. Just as you and grim were wondering where you two would sleep, professor Vargas came over and explained he was going to sleep in the Dawrfs hut and both of you would sleep in a tent next to it.

....

Grim and you had just settled inside and were about to change to comfy clothes to sleep when you noticed the inside of your bandages were all sweaty, well that was to expect after such a day. After wiping the sweat you still felt the need to take a bath, most obviously you wouldn’t ask vargas to take a bath in the hut due to certain circunstances.... You were thinking about what to do when you remembered there was a lake nearby, and it had a small and clean beach so it was secure...decided, you glanced one last time to check if Grim was asleep, picked a small bag with a spare of clothes and a small towel you brought, and left the tent.

.....

On the camp site Leona had just left to his tent, leaving Ruggie and the other members of the Magift club discussing who would stand watch and look after the fire. He was lying down trying to sleep when he felt a familliar scent. The noise outside was preventing him from sleeping, so he might as well just go check what the hell you were up to this time.

He migh not admit it, but since the Octavinelle Incident, more specifically, since you had threatened him (when mc threatened making noise every morning outside of Leona’s room if he didn’t help them), he had grown an interest in you, and by now he really didn’t mind your company or when you showed up in the gardening house when he was napping, or even when you sat down next to him. Actually, it seemed that he slept better when you were there. But he would never admit this.

Leona quietly left the tent and went in the direction of the forest where he felt your scent. Leona had light feet and walking at night in the forest was almost as easy as it was during the day, so he reached you pretty quickly.

You were walking steadly but slow, walking in a forest at night really wasen’t one of your skills, you almost tripped a few times. Of course Leona was nearby just watching the whole thing from behind with that smirk of his, he was even eating an apple, he was wondering how come you didn’t ear him.

Well anyway, after a while he grew tired of seeing you strugle, and finally aproached you. He had just lightly touched your shoulder and calling you”Herbi-” but he couldn’t finish because you jumped from the sudden touch, screamed high enough to make Leona turn his ears backwards, and were about to trow a punch to whatever had just touched you when Leona caught your fist midair with ease. “Tsk, why so damn lound” he said while rubbing his temple with his free hand.

“Le-Leona?? Why are you here?” You had just finished your sentence when you saw his green eyes narrowing a bit, and it finally came to you you had tried to punch Leona Kingscholar. Your face went white in a matter of seconds, it’s not like you were afraid of him, you could say your relationship had reached the level of friendship more or less, but this was pushing the boundaries quite a bit!

You quickly retreated your fist, who was still in Leona’s warm hand, and apologized “Ah-! I’m so sorry Leona!! It was a reflex!”. Much to your surprise, Leona didn’t do anything and just crossed his arms “So? what are you doing at this time of night in a forest?”

“Ah- I was.. heading to the lake...” you shifted your gaze to other side while scratching your cheek and smilling awkwardly. It’s not like you were lying to him, but you didn’t really want to say you were going to take a bath. Leona concluded you probably had run out of water and didnt think more about it. You were thinking about what to say next, when Leona just started walking and passed by you. “Hmm, Leona? Where are you going?”you asked.

He didn’t even bother to turn arround and said “You are going to the lake right? hurry now or you will get left behind”.

Uncounsciously you hurried to his side “You didn't ’t really have to come....”you said only hearing a “hmnn” coming from him.

And maybe due to the shock you suffered a while ago or to the fact you were distracted by Leona’s presence, it still didn’t hit you that his presence migh make your task of taking a bath a tad more difficult. And when it did, you hurried to say “ Leona, you should really go back, I don’t want to take any more of your sleeping hours....” you really enjoyed his presence, but you really really hoped he went back.

“Now that we are already here its a bit late” He rubbed his head. He was right, you two had already reached the lake. You were taking in the beautiful scene of the lake and the moon reflecting on it when Leona spoke up “We don’t have all night” he was now leaned against some rock, and honestly he looked stunning in the moonlight with those emerald green eyes of his, but this was not the moment to be thinking about this! You gave a few steps forward but stopped and looked at Leona “Could you..could you turn arround?” you shyly asked, your face with a light shade of red.

“Hm? What’s the problem of me staying here” he moved one of his hands to his hip and tilted his head a bit waiting for you to awnser.

This time you couldn’t really look at him at all, you stiffened your shoulders a bit and finally said “I came to take a bath” In a voice so low Leona almost had trouble hearing it.

He looked a bit anoyed now “Ah?Then again what is the prob-” Leona stopped mid-sentence when it came to him. He had actually forgotten. He massaged his temple with his eyes closed and said ”I will be over there” and left to behind a strocture of rocks a bit farther away.

You muttered a “Thank you...” and went towards the shore.

There. you began by removing tha bandages arround your chest, and then the shirt you had used during the day whole day, you kept your pants since you just really needed to clean the sweat in your upper body. You emersed a towel in the water and when you finally felt the clean water of the lake in your skin, you let out a heavy sigh.

On the other side was Leona, leaned against a rock, backwards to you. To anyone who saw him it would look he was sleeping, but he was actually dwelling on what had just happened. After he had found out and agreed to keep it to himself he did think about it for a while, but at that time you two were no more than aquaintances who meet a lot and sometimes went to classes together, so in the end, your situation had slipped to the back of his mind. He had a frown on his face but it wasent out of anoyance, but rather due to his own actions up until now.

Leona was thinking about how the hell he had grown comfortable arround you recently when his eyes shot open by a splash sound and a high pitched scream coming from your direction. He got up and was ready to complain about the noise and about how come you fell in place with only sand ,when he heard that sound that had been perturbing his sleep the whole day. fairies. They were nothing to him, but you were a human, a non- magical one at that, so leona just made a tsch and prepared to dispose of them.

“Ah, what a pain” he said to the air while going to take them out. “Herbivore you stay.....”

You were already dressed, but soaked from head to toe and with an unsetling expression Leona had never seen you doing, he would be making a smug face while mocking you if he warent too busy scaring that water fairy to death with his glare only. "Scram" he didn't scream, nor use an aggressive tone, but the way he said it had an imposing and superior aura.

And the fairy probably felt he would squeeze her to death next because she flew away in a blink of an eye. He was still making a mixed expression of anger and anoyance when he turned to you. “Thank you Leona, they came out of nowhere” You were trying to wipe away the water from your clothes , and only noticed Leona’s expression when you looked at him “Ah.” You looked troubled “Did I...did I perhaps wake you just now?” Anyone who spend more than 5 minutes with Leona would know how much he liked sleeping, and in your point of view, you were preventing him from sleep by having him acompany you to the lake.

Seeing your troubled expression made Leona get more at ease, and his brows weren't frowning anymore “Now it dosen’t matter, does it” he said while rubbing one of his ears.

You were still doing your best to get most of the water off your clothes, but this didn’t go unnoticed by you “Have I hurt your ears too?” Your voice was now in its normal tune, sweeter, since now you didn’t need to pretend being male.

“Two times in a single night is too much, no?”He retreated his hand and returned it to his pocket.

“The first time was your fault though....”You looked to the side and had a troubled smile on your face “But I apologize, sorry”.

Leona analized your expression and half serious said “You don’t look so sorry however” he started rubbing his chin and curved a little to match more your height “What will you do to compensate me?”. With this statement you looked away and let out a troubled, very fake half laugh “Ahahaha......”

Leona enjoyed seeing you troubled, more than he did the others, but in a good teasing way “*sigh*you should start thinking about drying yourself herbivore”.

Oh don’t you say, It’s not as if you weren’t trying!!! “How come I didn’t think about that” you said while squezing your hair to get most of the water out of it.

Now that Leona thought about it, this was the first time he saw you with long hair after that one day, and even if uncounsciously, he couldn’t bring himself to stop looking. “W- what? is it so weird I have long hair?” you had now cleaned most of the water off yourself, and Leona didn’t help one bit.

(Normally, you do your hair in a specific way so it looks short even though its long, i took that idea from Lucina from FE, i’ll drop a picture of how the hair is done at the end)

“What a problematic thing I have gotten myself into...” Despite seeming he was complaining about coming along with you to the lake, he was refering to spending time with you in general, somehow you were the kind of person who sooner or later would get involved in the most weird problems, and it seemed this time you had dragged him with you.

However despite complaining, Leona had began enjoying your company for a while now. It had even reached the point that seeing you two napping side by side in the botanical garden was frequent. No one dared mentioning it though.

You noticed your bandages floating in the water "*Sigh....* it seems I cant use these anymore" you looked pitifully at the drenched bandages you picked up.

"Just use another shirt as a chest binder. If you hang it tightly enough it will have the same effect" Leona said as if this was the most normal situation in the world.

You looked at him for a second "that is actually pretty smart you know" and proceded to do as he had suggested. After finishing and seeing how it looked you let out a pleased ‘hum’ sound and said “As expected of the great Leona!” you made a few moviments to see if it was comfortable and turned to him with both hands on your hips and a confident look “So, how does it look??”

Leona made an over exagerated expression as if the was thinking hard and made a “hmmm” sound for a long time just to keep you waiting. “Leonaaa!!” you cried, he intended to keep his teasing but after looking at your face again he noticed despite having a smile, you looked scared, afraid of something.

No normal person would be able to see this, not even Deuce or Ace could, but after having you bugging him for so long, Leona had started getting more aware of things like this, so he stopped and let out a sigh of defeat. Honestly, only y/n to make leona give up his teasing.

“No one will notice” he said with a rare reassuring tone while tapping you on the shoulder.

Hearing this, you let out the air you were unconsciously keeping on your chest. ”...thank you”. With that, you seemed more relieved, you really did trust Leona’s judgement huh.

“Heh, if you are really that thankfull then next time you go to the botanic garden bring me food” Well, that seemed fair enough, you thought, but then a smug grin grew on his face “Actually no... that dosen’t seem enough to compensate my great effort.”

“Oh no...” you thought. At this point you could only prepare for what was to come. Leona could get tyranical at times with his requests, but he should have mercy on you......right?

After a dramatical pause, Leona continued “Next time my brother trows that furball of a nephew to me, you, my dear herbivore, will be so kind to take care of him for me”. What? That cute angelic cub? You saw no problem at all. At least on him you could release your hidden desires of petting lions ears. But looking at Leona, he really did look overjoyed he could get rid of Cheka next time he came visit. You couldn’t possibly ruin his moment by saying you would love to take care of his nephew, that would ruin part of his joy, so you just went along.

You were going to start talking again when the wind blew strong, Leona had his super comfy looking camping coat, but you? In your still humid clothes it felt way colder than it actually was.

Meanwhile Leona had already went to pick up your bag ”Herbivore!” but as you turned to him, you saw only black ”Catch!”. You ‘eh’ed and expected your bag hitting you hard on the face, but next thing you knew, a fluffy warm feeling hovered over you.

After roaming arround with your hands you were able to take the ‘thing’ from your head, your hair was now a mess, but your eyes lit up when you saw that in your hands was Leona’s camping coat.

You probably spent a while looking at it, because Leona said “You gonna stay there eating my coat with your eyes, or you gonna return to the camp”. And when you looked at him again, he was already heading to the woods with your bag in hand.

“I’m going Leona, i’m going. wait for me!” you said while you hurried to his side and tried to put in the coat in a very sloppy way. You didn’t notice, but he was looking at the scene with a smug smirk. And by the time you had reached him, somehow, you managed to dress it wrongly.

“You know, I’m not an expert, but i’m pretty much sure that’s not how you dress a coat” He said while examining the way you had dressed it. “*sigh* come here”.

Leona then fixed the coat’s sleeve and helped you dressing it correctly while mumbling something about herbivores being too dependent.

------

You two were basically half way back to the camp, and you weren’t already there because you kept on misplacing your foot and almost falling, plus, the way back was upwards and it was dark.

You had misplaced your food at least 30 times now, and in way too many of those, you had to grab Leona’s shirt so you wouldnt fall. And for someone who enjoyed their personal space, he didn’t seem to mind too much.

You did try to avoid doing that as much as you could, but, just like now, you really had no other option if you wanted to avoid falling, so for the sake of your face staying off the ground, you grabed Leona’s shirt hem again.This time, with quite a lot of streight, and when you looked up, the first thing you saw was Leona’s ears turned backwards and he turning to you.

“Oi, don’t pull the hem of my clothes just because you have bad footing” (yet again I cannot decribe his expression properly, so I just drop an image of it, here)

.(yes i edited it to match night time)

Tsk tsk, it’s not like you could help it! it was dark! and the ground was irregular as hell! and you didn’t have a tail or godamn cat eyes! And the coat was so big on you couldn’t even move properly your arms! And it even had his scent!

Well, that last one wasen’t really aproblem, actually you were quite pleased with it, but you were running out of things to complain about!

This venting was only half hearted though, you were really comfy and warm due to the coat Leona lended you, plus it had his scent all over it, and even if it looked huge on you, it was quite the cute sight, and even Leona thought it, but that aint ever coming out of his mouth.

You were still trowing half hearted insults at the situation when a ‘oh’ sound came from him, and you uncounciously looked at him. Big mistake, since he had a ever so smug expression “Or perhaps....can it be that you are scared?” his smirk widened even more , if that was even possible, and he had a hand supporting his chin.

And this was it, you could almost feel a vein poping on your forehead “Who is scared??? you say that because you have good night vision and a fluffy tail to maintain your equilibrium!” you pounted and went pass trough him without caring anymore.

It was very rarely you had these little outbursts, so Leona felt pround he was able to stir up one and was enjoying the situation the best way he could: with his eyebrows up, a smug smile, both hands on his hips and ready to tease you more.

You were still walking forward, and Leona was still talking, but all you could hear was ‘bla bla bla’ in your head. So when he stopped and said “wait, there’s a-

You were too late to realise there was a huge root in front of you, and triped over it, you quicly used your hands to protect your head and brace yourself for the impact.

That never came, because as we can expect, when you opened your eyes you were still mid fall, and there was an arm arround your stomach supporting you. “That’s why you should listen to me herbivore, why are you always giving me work” He said while massaging his temples, his arm still around you.

Now realizing how childish your small tantrum was, and how much of an help he had been, you were more composed “You didn’t need to catch me...” you said in low voice, now looking at the ground you would be in if not for him catching you.

“Ah? What crap are you saying now? after all the work I went trough, if you get full of dirt now it will all be for nothing” He looked a bit annoyed, but just like your insults earlier, it was half hearted.

And after lecturing you, Leona finally let go of you after assuring you were steady on the ground, “Let’s go now” he began walking again, only to stop moments after, for some reason his ears were a bit down ”Next time just grab my shirt again or something”. Despite looking uninterested, he was actually waiting for your reply, more specifically, you thanking him.

So he couldn’t help but look back when he heard you saying “Leona...” in such a sweet tone. Though what he was not expecting to see when he turned back, was a lock of your h/c hair stuck in a three branch. “My hair is stuck...” you said with a voice of someone who still had a lot to lose, but needed help regardless.

Leona however, had the look of someone who was not paid enough to handle this, but it’s not like he could leave you there, so yet again while lecturing you on how herbivores should be careful, he helped you.

While he was, doing it more carefully than he would have with anyone else, trying to free your hair lock from the tree branch and telling you multiple times to stay still, you couldn’t help but wonder, a sad look now in your face.

“Hey Leona...” you began while facing the ground. Receiving a “Hah? what is it now?” from him. You were glad he was behing you, and you were facing the ground, because the look in your face was probably really pityfull. “Do you really not mind...?” You began stroking your hands with your thumb in a nervous way “you know, me being....” You really tried to finish the sentence, but Leona cut you off “It’s not like it makes any difference is it? Why the question”

You thanked he couldn’t see you, or else he would have noticed your trembling hands. You valued a lot the bound you had with Leona, more than he could imagine. Ever since you arrived at NRC you felt you didn’t belong ,out of place, but when you were with him...that feeling disappeared. You were really afraid this could affect your relationship, so hearing him say this, did reasure you a lot. “No particular reason, i was just asking haha-Ouch!”

You felt a pitch in your head, but your hair was already free. “Next time don’t be this reckless” Leona scolded you. Did he just flick you.

“Did you just flick me”

“Got a problem with it? If possible I would like to reach my tent tonight” He was already walking again, just a bit slowler so you could easily reach him, and it was not like you could do anything againt him so while you massaged the spot, you just picked your pace and headed to the camp together.

----

You two had finally reached the camp, more specifically, Leona’s tent. “Oh, we are here...I should get going, thanks for coming with me” you gave him a small smile, and began walking away.

“Oi, aren’t you forgetting something?” You looked back to find Leona with his arms crossed looking at you. Only then came to your mind that you were still wearing his comfy outdoors coat. At the realization you quickly tooke it off and hand it to him, feeling a bit sad you could no longer feel his scent. “Here you go, then I will be off, good night Leona, see you tomorrow” you gave him another warm smile he so much apreciated and walked off again.

However, had you not walked 3 meters Leona spoke up again “Herbivore, come here” You wondered what could he want, so you turned to him again, and as soon as you did, he continued. “Sleep in my tent”. He had a calm expression and said it with the most normality ever, yet you were only able to let out a ‘eh?’ sound before he resumed. “It’s not like we haven’t slept together in the botanical garden before, and I doubt you are down to spend the night near that bastard. He dosent know, does he” On this last part he put a hand on his hip and gestured with the other, as if he knew he was right. Wich he was.

You instantanly knew the ‘bastard’ he was refering to, was your teacher, since he always adressed him that way. “Well...you are right...” That was the reason you had gone to the lake in the first place.

But before you had the time to actually awnser his question he made a smug smirk and spoke again. ”Plus, won’t it be better to have the real thing instead of just my scent in a coat?” he said jokingly, yet again trying to styr up a reaction, but instead of doing that, you looked away a bit flustered. ‘Have I been caught?’ you thought while laughing nervously.

Seeing this, his eyes widened a bit and Leona’s own cheeks became a little red too and he hurried to say “Anyway, I’ll go sleep. Don’t make noise when you come in” And he headed inside, You hadn’t even agreed to his offer! But for some reason, you said “Wait, I’m going in too!” And went in after him.

His tent could bear 2 people and still have plenty of space left, however, as expected there was only one cushion. And of course the great Leona wouldn’t give up on his sleeping place, and this was his tent after all, and since you didn’t want to impose yourself on his space, you just went to the corner and setled yourself on the bare ground of the tent.

Leona was busy setling himself to sleep, so he didn’t notice you doing this right away, but when he, did a small frown appeared on his face. “Oi Herbivore, do you really plan on sleeping on the ground? Hurry up and come over already” after saying this he moved a bit to the side as if to show you there was enough space for both of you in the cushion.

Well, you were already inside and it was too late to back away, and it was defenitively better than sleeping on the ground, you just never thought he would give up on his personal space this much. Lately he did let you stay really close to him in the botanical garden, and there was this one time his tail was even touching you, but....was this really ok??

You knew Leona enjoyed his space so you were a bit nervous, but it went away as soon as you laid down on the comfy culshion and he turned to the other side while pulling the blanket to cover himself. “Finally some peace and quiet...” he said before going silent again.

You covered yourself as well, and even if you were a bit tense, as you looked at the top of the tent, and felt Leona-s warmth beside you, you slowly became drownsy “...hey Leona...?” there was no awnser but you went on anyway, probably due to the sleepiness taking over you. “I’m grad it was you who found out...” and finally, you fell asleep.

If he heard you or not? Well, we will never really know.

*This could end here, but I decided there wasent enough bounding nor fluff*

It was now arround 2 or 3 am, and the night became colder, you weren’t awake, but it did bother you, so you moved a bit more towards the midle of the culshion trying to escape the cold, settling only when you met some warmth, a nice one at that.

-----------

Leona never had problems falling asleep, this time was no exeption, he had fallen asleep seconds after he had covered himself. But it was a bit hard not to wake up when something, or rather someone was snugling onto your back. Even though his eyes shot open the moment he felt you, he didn’t move or speak, since he could tell you were asleep by the sound of your breath. Well it really was cold, and he knew he was hot, (take this in the way you want XD) so he couldn’t blame you.

Instead, he waited some minutes to assure you wouldn’t wake up, and then turned to you. You were peacefully sleeping turned to him, with your hands clutshed together in your chest and your h/l (hair lenght) h/c hair all messy. He had a hand supporting his head while looking at your peacefull sleeping image.

During the times you fell asleep beside him in the botanical garden you looked nothing like this, at those times you looked more composed, as if you had a wall arround you, your hair looked way shorter too, but also...in none of those times you looked as vulerable and comfortable as now, it was like he couldn’t take his gaze away from you, greedly taking in all he never could. As a matter of fact, he even fell asleep like that.

-----

You were still asleep, but the morning rays of light began bathing the tent making the inside getting brighter and disturbing your sleep. Of course, as any person who was awake until lord knows how late, you shut your eyes tighter and tried your best to sink further in the blankets. Fortunately for you, you didn’t need to move much, since something was now sheltering you from the sunlight, and much to your pleasure, whatever it was, it was really warm too, wich made you cling onto it even more.

After you began to regain a bit of counsciousness, you felt something heavy hovering over you, and your pillow felt a bit harder too...only after a while did you notice this wasen’t normal, and slowly opened your eyes, afraid of the morning light hurting them, but you only saw darkness, only after trying to understand the situation did you start feeling soft breathing on top of your head, and a familar scent came to your nose. You did try to pull away to see what was happening, but you only got pulled closer, now concious, you felt two arms tighttening arround you.

When you finally managed to join the pieces together, your face reddned at an incredible speed, and a “Leona..?” scaped your lips, realising what you had just done, you quicly covered your mouth with your hands, hoping he didn’t listen. However some seconds after, he made a low and deep growl, as he so many times did when you had to wake him for class, exept you had never been this close when he did it.

Honestly? From a 3rd person view, it it looked like a lion holding his prey, and it sure felt the same to you!. I mean, holy- the man was strong! you tried to get free from his grasp multiple times, but he didnt even flinch! You needed to get out of there, and fast, you were a blushing mess, and out of everyone, Leona was the last person you wanted to see you like this, he wouldn’t let you go without mocking you about it every hour .So when he began moving again you froze on the spot.

Leona began by closing his eyes thighter, as if trying to deny the morning sunlight. With his eyes still closed, he stretched his neck and afterwards tried to do the same with his arms, but seeing he was unable to, he opened his eyes with much relutancy only to see a Y/n under his grasp. He was quite surprised at first, and if you weren’t so embarassed, you migh have noticed the small blush that appeared on Leona’s cheeks, but such a surprised expression was quickly replaced with his usual smugness.

”Hmmmm....Look at what a small herbivore has been caught...” You felt his jade eyes sharply looking at you, but you refused to meet his gaze. “L-Leona I..I have to go” you said. Now that he was awake there was no need to be carefull, you simply got up, and tried to leave the tent. Seeing this, Leona quickly called you “Wait y/-” only to be interruped by a sharp pain and you triping and falling.

Despite being awake for just a short while, you were quick enough to use your arms so you wouldn’t fall face on. You and Leona let pain growls out, and looking at eachother afterwards, you noticed what made you fall. On your right leg, there was something wraped around your ankle.

You had now the most complicated expression you had in a while “......Is that....your tail?” you crouched down and looked at it closer “Did...did you really just wrap your tail arround my ankle?” You thought of touching it, but he would get angry so you ignored your desire to do it.

Leona was still rubbing his lower back, and only then did he look at you “Ha?What are you saying, of couse I didn’t” He had a small frown, but his voice didn’t have any ill intent.

“It is-” You didn’t even finish your sentence, Leona had already wnraped his tail. He semed to be somewhat sulking. This however made a sweet yet mischievous smile grow on your face. You thought he was just messing with you, but...he clearly hadn’t intended in getting his tail wrapped arround you. Did this mean..earlier when he had his arms around you, he really wanted you close??

Either way, you couldn’t let a flustered Leona scape so easily, it was your time to have fun. “Hmmmm... I wonder how did this tail get arround my ankle then...” you said while you sat on the couch and faked being thinking hard about it. ”Could it possibly be that the great Leona-san does actually enjoy my company?” you pointed at yourself while your eyes were closed and went closer while a smug smirk grew wider on your face. “..Ah! Will you purr for me nex-”.

What happened now was too fast for you to say anything, but next time you knew, you were in Leona’s grasp again. “Shut up”. You were both laid on the couch again, but this time your back was on his chest, and he was hugging you closer from behind. ”You are anoying” he said in a low voice while he tried to get comfortable on the pillow, nudging his nose a little on your hair while doing it.

So, this was so sudden you were no longer working at all, your eyes were wide open and “??????” was all that was in your mind for some good 6 whole seconds. Only then did you regain your rationality, and you had to admit, this was pretty soothing if you thought about it...having him embracing you, it really was comfortable...and his warm breath slowly hitting the back of your head... maybe...a little...”just a ...little... longer then...” and you drifted off to sleep once more. Leona who was already half asleep himself was only able to muster a “...good” and clinging more to you, his tail rested now atop of you, he drifted off too.

---------

~6 minutes later~

*CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG*

“!????!!??” Your eyes shot open because of the lound noise, and afraid someone would come in, you tried to get up and leave as fast as you could. However, before even being able to sit, you were pushed back to the place you were before “Stay” Leona said with a sleepy voice, his eyes not open yet.

“Leona..! wake up..!!” you cried while trying to move him.

*CLANG CLANG CLANG*

Hearing the call to wake everyone, you looked in the direction of the tent entrance. Meanwhile Leona let out a small growl of protest while finally letting go of you and sitting on the couch “No one is going to some in” he finally said while massaging his temples because of the lound noise, his ears a bit turned back.

Hearing that did reasure you, and looking so relaxed as he did, it was hard not to believe him, though it was leona who we were talking about so....

You were looking at him with the helpless expression of someone who knows it’s a lost cause. Though as soon as he noticed you looking at him he said with the still narrowed eyes of someone who just woke up from a pleasant sleep and a grin growing by the day, his fangs now showing “hmn, like what you see?”he said, stretching afterwards.

You just let a “mhum, right” and stood up “That one is getting old Leona”. Just as you had devoleped the habit of always going to the botanical garden to see him, recently, he too, had devoloped this tendency of showing off and praising himself everytime he woke up and you were there. So you were quite used to it by now.

You streached and picked up your bag, and noticing he was looking at you as well, and turning back to him “And you? Enjoyed having this ‘herbivore’ as an hostage?” you said jokingly. Leona, still laid down, with his hand supporting his head, smirking tenderly yet smugly at the same time ”If I remember correctly, the ‘herbivore’ entered the lion’s den by it’s own will”.

Not having a way to argue back, you changed the subject “I really should get going now.” You said while quickly looking arround to check if you didn’t leave anything behind. And as you were going to exit, Leona grabed your wrist “For someone being so carefull the whole night, you sure can be reckless” He released your wrist and you looked at him with a confused expression, seeing this, he let out a sigh “You sure you want to get out with your hair like that?”.

Your face went blank for a split second at the sudden realisation you had lost your hair elastics at the lake last night. What were you gonna do? Seeing this, Leona shook his head slowly as if asking himself why did it sometimes felt like he was babysitting you, and more importantly, why did he actually enjoy it. “Here” he said while taking off his own hair elastic and handing it to you. “I don’t have another one, but this should solve the problem until you reach your tent”

Receiving his hair elastic in your hands, your eyes were sparking with thankfullness. Quickly, but nimbly you did your hair in a similar way you always did. Finished, you swiftly left, but not one step later you turned to him again. You had an earnest look in your eyes “....Thank you Leona, for everything. Imean it” you finished with a small smile on you. Leona was going to say something along the lines ‘You should, I don’t usually put this much effort, I expect you to pay me back’ , but you went to him and did the impensable.

You were going to leave, but before you turned completely to the exit, you turned back to Leona again, and walking rapidly towards him, and without thinking twice, you hugged him. Despite being friendly with everyone, you had never done this before, nor to him, nor to anyone since you had arrived to the NRC (I’m sorry if you are a hugs person).

Needless to say, even Leona was speechless during the whole thing, its not like just anyone could try to hug him, much less being allowed to, there was only Cheka, but that was a special case.

That being said, this was so unexpected that even when you let go of him, exited swiftly and without looking back, he still had his jade green eyes wide, only regaining his senses several seconds later. A deep blush formed on his cheeks, you had quite the audacity for a magicless herbivore who saw what he was capable of with his magic....though he dosen’t dislike it when you do it...

He thought just before leaving the tent for the morning meeting.

-E N D-

I can’t believe it took me so much time to finish a one shot... I wanted it to be small but it turned out with 5k words.... I can’t control myself haha...

anyway, I dont own Leona or any of the Twisted wonderland characters, only my oc, this is only a fanfic therefore not canon.

---

The art was drawn by me and I will apreciate if you followed me on instagram or Twitter if you liked it.

Liums twitter

Liums instagram

Let me know if you like this kind story, where I shift a bit the already existing one.

here is the pic I mentioned :

(Didn’t draw this one)

BTW requests are open

Also, add me if u want uwu

#leona kingscholar x reader #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst #twst imagines #leona kingscholar #disney twisted wonderland

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gameofdrarry · 3 years

Text

Wizards Hearts Smut Recs: Magic Sex Toys

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here. Players could opt in to an additional suit of 13 cards, all themed around various popular smut tropes.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Beautifully Unbound by breath_of_mine (tsundanire) Rated: Explicit Words: 54933 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Minor Blaise Zabini/Narcissa Malfoy, BDSM, Praise Kink, Dom/sub, Subspace, Safewords, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Blindfolds, Impact Play, Spanking, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Mental Health Issues, Therapy, Consensual Kink, Light Bondage, Angst, Holidays, Young Teddy Lupin, Mystery, Auror Harry Potter, Accidental Bonding, Bonding, H/D Erised 2018, Community: hd_erised, POV Alternating, Telepathic Bond, Gay Male Character, Bisexual Male Character, Dom Draco Malfoy, Sub Harry Potter, Bearded Harry Potter, Dirty Talk, Blow Jobs, Anal Sex, Gloves, Massage, Sex Toys, Mistletoe, Family Dinners, Misunderstandings, Past Relationship(s) Summary: Auror Potter is sent on a mission to clear out deadly artifacts from a Death Eater Safehouse with Draco Malfoy. What could possibly go wrong? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Three Wishes by PalenDrome (nerdherderette) Rated: Explicit Words: 10161 Tags: Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Godparents, Wish Fulfillment, Explicit Sexual Content, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Hand Jobs, Butt Plugs, Sex Toys, Implied Switching, Light Angst, Humor, Fluff and Crack, Confessions, Auror Harry Potter, Ministry of Magic Employee Draco Malfoy, Be Careful What You Wish For, Thirsty Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary: Draco meets his fairy godmother and is granted three wishes. Unfortunately, they all keep coming back to the same thing. [excerpt]: Pop! "Oh, wow," Vince says, and is that sarcasm Draco hears? "I never saw that coming." "What?" Draco opens his eyes. He's prepared for the theatrics of the puffs of smoke—Vince, despite the sudden career change, was never blessed with an overactive imagination—but what he was not prepared for was the sight of Harry Potter, bare-chested and dressed in arseless chaps, his hands bound and mouth wrapped around a ball gag while lying face down on Draco's sofa. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Four Ds of Apparition (or: Destination, Determination, Deliberation, and Dicks) by eidheann, firethesound Rated: Explicit Words: 36638 Tags: Apparition, Dick JokesAurors, St Mungo's Hospital, Acronyms, Sex Toys, Crude political statements, Inappropriate use of office equipment, Inappropriate use of shoe boxes, Inappropriate use of hats, Misuse of national anthems, Obscene floral arrangements, Seamus's sticking charms, Dicks, cocks, Penises, Willies, Pricks, Phalluses, Comedically large numbers of unattached dicks Summary: After transferring to the Apparition Department, Harry's life becomes one big dick joke. And all his friends are arseholes. So is Malfoy, but what else is new? AKA Harry Potter and the eighteen twenty dicks. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 in advance by M0stlyVoid Rated: Explicit Words: 3563 Tags: Wax Play, Kink Exploration, Safe Sane and Consensual, Gags, Bondage, Blow Jobs, Kink Negotiation, Dom/sub, Dom Harry Potter, Sub Draco Malfoy, Shibari Summary: Draco's been scared of fire since the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry likes wax play. This is how they work together to face Draco's fear and get what they both want. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Have yourself a kinky little Christmas by keyflight790, tsundanire Rated: Explicit Words: 21433 Tags: Drarropoly: A Drarry Game/Fest, Secret Admirer, Secret Santa, 12 Days of Christmas, Consensual Kink, Other Additional Tags to Be AddedSex Toys, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Harry Potter, Bottom Harry Potter, Light Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Praise Kink, semi-public wanking, Aural Kink, Dirty Talk, Awkward Harry Potter, Auror Partners, Auror Harry Potter, Auror Draco Malfoy, Masturbation, Masturbation in Bathroom, Work In Progress, Angst, Mental Health Issues, Switching, Cock sleeve, instructions, Dealing with mental health, Tattoos, writing on dicks, praise!kink, non con, brief non con display of nudity, Mutual Masturbation, Public Masturbation, Loud Sex, Unaware Pansy Parkinson, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Orgasm Denial, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Public Sex, Public Nudity, Public Rimming, Sex on Ministry Time, Inappropriate Use of Ministry Time, slacking on the job, These two are so inappropriate, The Writers are having too much fun, This whole thing is NSFW, Consent, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, conversations about consent, Clearly expressed Consent, Potions, Lust Potions, Overstimulation, Orgasm Delay, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Public Hand Jobs, Public Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Consensual Sex, Anal Sex, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Writing with your BFF, This is what happens, Harry Deserves a Magical Ending, Draco Deserves Happiness, Dom/sub, This Fic made my life, and cleared my skin, writing this fic made me the happiest, and did my laundry, Art, Digital Art, mzuul Summary: As the holidays loom, Harry feels the weight of everything and everyone he'd lost. Working as an Auror, while exciting hadn't filled him with the same kind of satisfaction he'd assumed it would. It takes one extremely kinky secret admirer to pull out a side of him he'd been pushing away since his youth, and actually make him want to come into work everyday. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Asking For A Friend? by RoonilWazlibMalfoy Rated: Explicit Words: 13734 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Daily Prophet, Drag Queen Draco Malfoy, Gay Harry Potter, Size Queen Harry Potter, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Epistolary, Fluff and Smut, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Sex, Masturbation, Nipple Play, Nipple Clamps, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Felching, Discussions of Fisting, Gay Bar, Sex Advice Columnist Draco Malfoy, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary: Asking for a friend? Don't be shy! I'm Genna Russ with advice! Draco Malfoy, drag queen and agony aunt for the Daily Prophet, is very happy with his life. He loves his job. He loves his drag queen persona. And he loves the fact that the wider Wizarding world doesn't know who is offering them sassy advice with their morning news. When he starts receiving letters from one Harry Potter – letters that are too racy to publish – he does the only thing he can do: he replies. His carefully constructed secret life is at risk of being blown wide open, but he just can't help himself. Draco never did have any self-control where the Prat Who Lived was concerned. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Ligabus Filium by Tessa Crowley (tessacrowley) Rated: Explicit Words: 41534 Tags: Post-Deathly Hallows, HP: EWE, BDSM, Top Harry Potter, Dom Harry Potter, Bottom Draco, Sub Draco Malfoy, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Whipping, Riding Crops, Gags, Dildos, Creative use of Time Turners, Creative use of Howlers, Creative use of Amortentia, Listen it's the running theme of the story ok, it's filthy bdsm smut what do you want Summary: It should be careful, deliberate, but it isn't. Like every other part of their relationship, it happens gradually and then all at once, before they even realize it. And when the little blue threads bind them together, there's no going back. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Obsessions Release by katie_delaney Rated: Explicit Words: 27783 Tags: Deepthroating, Dom Draco Malfoy, Top Draco Malfoy, Dancing, Breathplay, BDSM, First Time Summary: Harry is convinced Draco has given him a love potion, on confronting him he is forced to face an inconvenient truth about himself. Will be very smutty/moderate bdsm, tame in first chapter. Warnings for breathplay. Set during the Half Blood Prince through to the end of the Deathly Hallows. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 in the flesh by M0stlyVoid Rated: Explicit Words: 1462 Tags: Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism, Roommates, Sex Toys, Loud Sex, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, idiots to lovers, Denial of Feelings Summary: Draco really should have knocked. He's really glad he didn't. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Make it Hurt So Good by bangyababy Rated: Explicit Words: 1938 Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Daddy Kink, Spanking, Anal Fingering, Sex Toys, Magical Sex Toys, Punishment, Dirty Talk, Light Dom/sub, Dom Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Potter, Safe Sane and Consensual, a bit of fluff at the end Summary: “Harry,” he said, a clear warning. “What are you going to do about it, Daddy?” Draco is in a bad mood. Harry knows just how to draw him out. ❤️ Read on AO3

#drarry #drarry recs #game of drarry #wizards hearts #wh masterlist

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trashboatprince · 4 years

Text

I saw a challenge to write something sexy about Mr. Harrison and Mr. Cortese from this post by @naniiebimworks and I’m not missing the chance to make content of them in written form. Love me some Crowley and Aziraphale’s personas.

Summery: Warlock is too old for his nanny, but he’s not too old to start having a private tutor. Make that two tutors, who happen to look a bit like the nanny and the gardener who followed her off the grounds.

And already there’s something going on between them.

AKA Crowley and Aziraphale are really into how the other looks for this next phase of the plans.

Warning: these two are already in a relationship. Not full on content, but there is touching and such, gotta keep it pg-13 cause some of my followers are young. Also, not beta’d, so forgive the grammar errors

EDIT: There’s an extra mature chapter on ao3

On with the fic!

Nanny Ashtoreth put in her two weeks without much of a fuss, politely telling the Dowlings that young Warlock had no need for her anymore, it was time for him to get his lessons from a professional and not a nanny who was smarter than expected.

She recommended someone she said she had worked with previously, that he was highly recommended.

The day after she departed from the estate, there was a knock at the door and a tall, sharp man in an even sharper, dark suit stood there, carrying a briefcase under his arm. “I’m Mr. Harrison,” he greeted the doorman with a voice that dared him to say something, “Nanny Ashtoreth told me that this is where I would I be teaching.”

Without waiting, he stepped past the doorman and into the foyer, where he greeted Mrs. Dowling, who stepped down the stairs to greet him.

Mr. Harrison reminded her greatly of Nanny, that they looked rather similar. The same red colored hair, same facial structure, though clearly Harrison his sharp cheek bones under a beard.

“We’re cousins.” He told her simply, as if it was the most obvious answer in the world.

He would start his lessons with Warlock tomorrow at nine.

The next morning, while Mr. Harrison was teaching Warlock his first lessons on the ancient armies of the world, there was yet another knock at the door.

The doorman was surprised to see a man with wild, near-white hair and an equally wild beard standing there, smiling. He was dressed in creams and golds, a stark contrast to the clothing of the other man who had been at the door the day before. “Good morning!” He greeted the poor employee with a Welsh tint to his voice. “I am Mr. Cortese, I was hired to be the private tutor to Warlock Dowling.”

“Uhh…” The doorman blinked, before making himself professional. “I am so sorry to inform you that Mrs. Dowling has already hired a tutor yesterday.”

“Oh?” Mr. Cortese asked, eyebrows raised high as he glanced about past the man, as if looking for the person who took his job. “I am sure that the young boy wouldn’t mind two instructors.”

The man at the door sighed and said he would get his boss to speak to the stranger. Ten minutes later, Mrs. Dowling hired Mr. Cortese to be Warlock’s second tutor, taking two days of the week and sharing one with his coworker.

She took note that he reminded her of someone, but she wasn’t sure. Sort of like the weird gardener who happened to leave right after Nanny Ashtoreth did, but house staff come and go.

“… And that, young Warlock, is why one must not draw on his books, you never know what their worth will be in the future.” Cortese sighed loudly as he finished with erasing the last of the doodles the young boy had drawn on the open pages of the history book in front of him.

“I thought it made it look cool.” Warlock replied in his defense and Cortese nearly rolled his eyes before removing his pocket watch from his vest pocket, looking at the time.

“Right, well, it seems that our lesson for history is over for today. Off you go, enjoy your hour break. When you return, we shall begin our coverage of literature.” He waved a hand towards the door and Warlock didn’t need to be told twice to run off for fun, there was a video game with his name on it that he couldn’t keep waiting any longer.

Cortese watched him run out of the room with a small huff, smiling as he started to clean up the books and papers on the table of the building’s library where he was to do his lessons. He paused when he smelled something, a strong cologne that covered a natural, demonic musk that he knew all too well. “Mr. Harrison, I assume?” He turned to meet the man who he had yet to be introduced to since arriving yesterday.

Leaning against a bookcase, Cortese stared from behind his reading glasses, feeling his face heat up just a bit as he looked at his counterpart.

Harrison was in a dark suit, fitting of him, opened jacket and tie just a bit loose. The angel inwardly cursed as he looked at how the other had styled his hair, pulled back in a tight short ponytail. He hadn’t seen Crowley since they left the estate, wanting to get themselves ready for their next personas.

Seems that Crowley miracled up a beard that looked too good on him, the littlest of changes to the demon always got something stirring in Aziraphale, be it a new haircut or the addition of facial hair.

And he did a combo, damn him.

Clearing his throat, Cortese straightened himself up, adjusting his jacket. “I almost didn’t get the job because of you.” He told the redhead, who only smirked, crossing his arms.

“You’d have gotten it anyway, and look, you did! Come on, you knew I was gonna show up first, made it less… suspicious, if we both showed up at the same time.” Pushing himself off of the bookshelf, Harrison sauntered over to partner in this scheme, the smirk turning more playful as he stepped around Cortese, looking him up and down behind dark lenses.

He stopped behind the shorter man, who froze up at the eyes that he felt on his backside, those hungry eyes…

“Nice suit,” Harrison commented, “suits you, love the colors. Golds and creams? A change of pace from the tartan.”

“Oh!” Cortese turned sharply, giving him a hard stare. “Must I repeat myself? Tartan is stylish! But, if you must know, I decided to change it up a bit. I do wear other clothing you know, Mr. Harrison.”

Harrison looked at him, before shrugging. “Of course, just… can’t help admirin’ how good you look when you mix it up a bit.” He was suddenly closer, when had he gotten so close? Cortese stepped back, feeling his backside bump against the table, he was pinned.

“You need to dress up more, angel.” Harrison then frowned before chuckling. “No, don’t do that, you become too much of a tease when you step out of the norm.” He toyed with the silk tie that Cortese wore, slowly, carefully loosening it as he tugged down on the knot with one finger.

Cortese’s face flared up red as a heat pooled in his stomach. “M-Mr. Harrison! You wily man, behave yourself!” He swatted at the hand. “You should be professional!”

“Oh please,” The demon rolled his eyes before leaning in closer, “it’s not like we didn’t have our fun as the nanny and the gardener, yeah? Won’t take these fools long to start rumors about us as well…”

Cortese paused, looking at Harrison’s face. Right, they had been a bit adventurous and frisky with one another when in their previous personas, what’s the harm of having a little fun as two tutors? It was like something out of his romance section, but he wouldn’t voice that out loud.

“We waited a few months as Ashtoreth and Francis before we got handy, my dear.” He finally replied and Harrison groaned.

“Wow, way to be a real buzzkill, angel!” He moved to step back, but Harrison found himself in place, hands on his hips that suddenly were pressed against Cortese’s. “Whu-?”

“Who said we weren’t going to have any fun?” The blond scoffed. “Besides…” There was a snap of fingers and Harrison heard a lock set in place.

Cortese leaned in close to his ear, he could practically hear the smug smile in the other’s voice. “We have less than an hour before my next lesson and I’d like to get my ‘coworker’ a bit better. Is that alright with you?”

The string of sounds from Harrison was all Cortese needed as an answer.

Someone, Harrison found himself flipped around, his own back pressed into the table with the angel pinning him to it, kissing him hard on the lips. Any coherent thoughts in the redhead’s mind were thrown out the window as he was snogged into next week, wrapping his legs around soft hips.

He pulled back, panting a bit as he looked at the hazel eyes that stared right at him. “Damn, angel, you’re in a mood.”

“You’re a terrible tease, dressing up like this.” Cortese huffed, kissing at his neck before working on undoing the already-loose knot of Harrison’s tie. “You know I love seeing you dressed up.”

“Mmm… sssshould do it more often than…” Harrison tilted his head back, lifting his hand up to snap his fingers, but a hand stopped him. “Come on, don’t go slow…” He groaned.

“No, I want to take it slow, I’m not going to just have your clothes vanish on me!” Cortese scoffed as he pulled back to start working on removing the suit jacket, taking note that he rather liked the pattern on it, Crowley needed to wear more patterns in his wardrobe.

Harrison pouted before his own fingers got to work on unbuttoning the vest Cortese wore, legs still firmly in place around the other’s waist. “How far?”

“Hmm… heavy petting?”

There was a loud snort. ��Who taught you that?!” Harrison laughed before undoing the last button. He looked at the other man, a coy smile on his face. “Lovin’ the changes, angel. You look so good with that hair, almost feral, very you.”

“What on Earth are you talking about?”

“Just commentin’.” Harrison mumbled as he pulled him down, talking against the other’s lips before kissing him hard. Cortese mumbled a reply that fell on deaf ears, the two clearly distracted be kissing and the sneaky fingers playing with the tie the other wore.

Both were discarded on the table, and Harrison was vaguely aware that his hair had slipped from the ponytail it had been in. He would have made a comment, but he was distracted by perfectly manicured fingers playing with his freed hair, and by the body that pressed against him.

His own fingers busied themselves with groping a rather nice, soft bottom, earning a squeak from the angel who was still toying with his hair. Harrison smirked, pressing down on the ample flesh, keeping Cortese against him as he moved to suck on the exposed skin of his advisory’s neck.

The room felt hot and both angel and demon were feeling even hotter, fingers moving here and there, but never to what was going to be wanting some attention. Well, Harrison thought, time to change that-

There was a sharp set of knocks at the doors to the library and Cortese pulled back sharply from Harrison, losing his balance and dropping to the floor at the sudden intrusion.

“Ssshit!” Harrison sat up straight and worked quickly to straighten out his shirt, trying to button it back up from where Cortese had popped a few of the buttons.

“Y-yes? Who’s there?” Cortese called out.

“Mr. Cortese,” came Warlock’s voice from the other side, “can I come in?”

“In a moment!” The blond replied before trying to get his vest and shirt back in order. “Oh, this was a bad idea…!” He whispered towards the other man in the room, who was trying to get his hair back into place.

“Yeah, yeah, I know! Gotta wait until the kid’s asleep, ‘r somethin’…” Harrison jumped from the table, throwing on his coat, then grabbing a tie, tossing the other at Cortese who was quick to try and get it done up.

Once Harrison thought he had everything in order, he rushed to the door, the lock suddenly undone and the door opened to reveal Warlock, standing there with a confusion on his face. “We’ll continue our discussion of the plans later, yes, Mr. Cortese?” He spoke, as if nothing had just happened, outside of the flushed look on his cheeks and the rumpled state of his clothes.

“Y-yes, of course, do come looking for me when you have the chance, Mr. Harrison.” Cortese replied, swallowing as he straightened his jacket out. He watched the other man walk past Warlock without much word and turned to the child. “Yes, did you need something?” He asked, trying to act like Warlock did not just interrupt something.

“Wonderin’ if I left my phone in here.” Warlock replied before tilting his head. “How come you’re wearin’ Mr. Harrison’s tie?”

Cortese looked down, seeing that, yes, he was wearing the dark colored tie.

This was gonna be a long next couple of years.

END

They make up for lost time later, but make sure that it’s when no one will bother them. >.>

Anyway, first time every writing for Harrison and Cortese that wasn’t them as the Radio Omens boys, it was fun.

#good omens #ineffable husbands #anthony j crowley #aziraphale #mr harrison #mr cortese #john's drabbles

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