#also for a lot of trans people we try so hard to be binary that we are often actually very fem / masc b4 transitioning

[genderqueerdykes]

if you are a trans man or masc, masculine nonbinary, genderqueer, genderfluid or other gender non conforming identity, masc gay, a bear, a butch, stud, or boi, or other masculine queer person and don't feel welcome in any queer spaces, you're not alone.

the communities both irl and online have become EXTREMELY hostile toward mascs and men to the point of straight up excluding us and changing their wording to justify their violent exclusion. from renaming nonbinary spaces to "femme & them" and "she+" spaces, to telling men & mascs that they would "Scare" the women and "nonbinary" folks just by being there, as if masculinity and manhood are inherently traumatizing to be around.

masculine and male nonbinary folks have it so hard- most nonbinary spaces are almost definitely women's spaces who also conflate womanhood with nonbinaryhood, and often times just view nonbinary people as confused women. we are not inherently traumatizing to be around: masc enbies need places to go. we are still nonbinary and still trans and still queer for fucks' sake

nonbinary has never and will never mean femme or woman-adjacent inherently. nonbinary means what it means: people who don't or refuse to adhere to the gender binary, regardless of what side it is. masculinity is included in this, femininity is not the only way to be nonbinary.

masc queers do not have to bend over backwards to try to be more feminine and thus "less threatening" in order to have places to go. that's dysphoric and just inaccurate to a lot of queer folks' identity and presentation. it blows my mind because it makes no sense, anyway, even within the gay community, hypermasculinity has been present and even sought after by some people who find it very attractive, twunks, hunks, bears... but between the periods in queer history people started viewing masc gay leathermen and kinksters as the ones who were responsible for spreading AIDS and thus removing them from pride parades,

AND the lesbian separatism moment picking up to remove butches & male & masc lesbians from lesbian spaces identity, paving the way for modern rdical femniism, we've only entered a downhill landslide of hating men and mascs and ultimately trying to erase us from the queer community entirely.

the queer community is not the "women & femmes community". the queer experience is broad and vast, it includes a wide variety of masculine and male experiences, as well as genderfluid, multigender, completely ungendered and other gendered experiences. the lesbian, trans, bisexual, nonbinary, gay and general queer communities aren't the "safe place to hide from men & mascs community" like estranged rdfems and terfpilled trans folk like to tell you they are.

this is the QUEER community and it includes ALL forms of queerness, masc, femme, butch, male, neutral, bigender, neutral, and all. he/shes and he/hims and he/theys and he/its and so on are just as much of a part of this communities as she/hers and they/thems. you can't cast a blanket of "inherently abusive" over all men and mascs and one of "inherently abused/incapable of being abusive" over all women and femmes because that just traps you in a fantasy land that doesn't exist AND it prevents mascs and men from getting the help, resources and community they NEED.

men & mascs are hurt and abused by women & femmes every day and we refuse to speak about them because we live under a white cisheteronormal patriarchy and have complaints about how that functions. the complaints are legitimate but assuming that all men and mascs are oppressing all women and femmes and that women can never be oppressive is a false as hell narrative that actively damages people.

enough is enough. this mindset is hurting people. it's leaving masc and male queers to be estranged, harmed and even dead. i care about you if you're being affected by this mentality and these behaviors. you deserve community, safety, and a sense of belonging, you do belong, even if we struggle to form our own spaces due to unjust hatred. we will do our best to band together and keep each other safe. we must

[dcmcboxers]

My shout-out to queer youtubers

Hbombs list was great but obviously not comprehensive. I watch a lot of video essayists and wanted to give a little love to the smaller channels that fall under the radar. Please feel free to add to this list!

let's talk about stuff/Sarah Zedig

If you've seen Jesse Gender's videos on the Matrix movies you may already be familiar with Sarah. She does excellent film and culture analysis with a lot of great conversations on paratext and outside influence in engaging with text. Her video on Tunic is one of my favorites.

Pamphleteer

No one makes videos like hers, which has the side effect making them a bit hard to describe. I will link one of my favorites which describes the disconnected temporality of being older when you discover you're queer.

Turbo Queer

Really really under watched channel. Skylar covers a lot of topics from video games, to anarchist history and modern events, to autistic life, to current politics. For a fun one check out her video on the SpongeBob strike episode.

Kaz Rowe

Kaz does a fantastic job examining modern myths and manufactured history primarily pertaining to western Europe, Victorian & Edwardian England, and 1800-1900s US. And of course, talking about historical queerness in all its ambiguities and evolutions. I highly recommend their video on Weimar Germany.

drapetomania

drapetomania interrogates the politics of low class and high class art and entertainment from a queer and Black perspective. Their art history videos alone cover many angles of white supremacist history I haven't seen anyone else discuss and I'm very excited to see more from them. They are also a very under viewed channel that more people should see!

I am error

Evelynn's channel primarily discusses video games in a presentation style and voice most similar to Action Button reviews. There's something just a bit more personal here though. I hesitate to say cozy since that word has a bit of an infantilizing connotation, maybe comforting is closer. She puts an immense amount of thought and empathy into the experience of playing video games and the personal narratives we build with them.

Swolesome

For more transmasc perspectives there's Swolesome. He has a lot of interesting insights into the more traditionally masculine and "broish" communities like fitness as well as commentary on recent trans issues.

Shonalika

Music, disability, and aggressively non-binary. Their video on gender presentation in heavy metal was really insightful. I would also check out the video "Why I Wear Gloves" for more insight on invisible disabilities.

Vivian Strange

Vivian delights in being a bit of a contrarian- something I really appreciate. She's probably going to challenge you and you're probably going to disagree at times, which is what makes her channel so important. Her video on Marquis De Sade is powerful and a must watch (if you can stomach the subject material, although I would encourage you to try). I haven't seen her most recent video on Saw yet but I am extremely excited to.

[erinelliotc]

A few years ago I used to be that annoying "transmasc lesbians don't exist, this shit is harmful and invalidates both transmascs and lesbians" person, and now I'M the transmasc lesbian. Seems like the tables have turned, huh?

I've spent so many months, years, trying so hard to fit into these categories that I saw so many people talk about as if it were the definitive truth, and this shallow and simplistic vision seems to be gaining a lot of attention and traction here in Brazil. Isn't it ironic to free yourself from cisnormativity and heteronormativity and all these binary boxes to find yourself again trying to fit into other boxes and norms that don't actually describe your experience correctly? Because your experience with gender is so chaotic and confusing (as expected of a nonbinary identity, and even more so if you're neurodivergent too) that there's no simple way to describe it. Then when you find out what describes this, people say you can't identify yourself that way because two or more of your identities are "incompatible". I see people treating non-binarity as if it were an exact science, as if it were math, as if it were something simple and logical, as it is precisely the escape from what has been established in our society as the only two possible options, generating countless identities within a gray area outside this black and white vision, so of course it's something complex, abstract and subjective.

EDIT: One of my reasons for thinking this way was that I ignored that the transgender experience and the cisgender experience aren't and will never be equivalent. It's obvious that a cis man can't be a lesbian, but the same doesn't go for transmasc people, and I thought that admitting that was the same as being transphobic, denying the masculinity of transmascs, denying their male identity. I already had a debate on Twitter because people didn't want to admit that trans men and transmasc people in general can suffer misogyny and male chauvinism (as society can still see and treat us as women) because they also saw it as the same as saying transmasc people are women. The identity of trans people is a very complex experience that involves a series of factors that cis people will never experience. We cannot equate the trans experience with the cis experience.

I thought identifying as a butch lesbian was enough to describe my masculinity, but I realized that I felt like it didn't encompass everything I felt, I still felt like something was missing. Preventing and depriving myself of identifying with more explicit masculine identities was actually making me feel bad and dysphoric. So yeah, I've been avoiding identifying with male-aligned identities because I thought that would mean having to stop identifying as a lesbian, and I didn't want that, and I don't really feel like calling myself straight makes any sense.

I have a text in Portuguese talking about my experience as a butch lesbian, and I feel that now it also serves to describe my experience as a nonbinary transmasc (the part where I talk about not identifying with "traditional masculinity", but with a "different type", like "soft masculinity", is directly related to the fact that, in addition to being nonbinary, I don't identify as a man, I don't feel comfortable with the term "man", but rather with "boy"). I spent a few months wondering whether I was libramasculine or boyflux, and I ended up deciding that if I can't identify which one I am, maybe it makes more sense to just adopt both identities, maybe I am both then! I'm tired of trying to fit into supposed rules about being nonbinary. This is exactly how non-binarity shouldn't be. I'm supposed to feel free, not trapped again. My identity is my identity and that's nobody's business.

[bomber-grl]

SAL FISHER RELATIONSHIP HC ! ₊˚⊹

₊˚⊹ PAIRING(s): Sal fisher x Gn!reader

He’s so sweet it hurts

Honestly, Sal is the best boyfriend ever, he’s always there for you and he always knows the perfect things to say when comforting you.

The two of you met because of the ghosts and the whole cult thing while at high school.

You were the more outspoken one out of the two of you since Sal was mostly against violence even when Travis was brought into the convo.

I can definitely see Sal being the first one to approach you.

It all started when Sal started becoming increasingly interested in you to the point that Larry and even ash started teasing and encouraging him to talk to you.

He would fluster, occasionally and say the wrong words out of nervousness however with luck, he managed to get your number.

It was hard not to fall for him, especially with how lovable he is.

He’s so genuinely nice and actually cares for others.

Of course, you eventually see his face, and although he was neutral about it since he trusted you he was still a bit nervous.

Definitely warms his heart when you not only accept his face but also kiss it.

He flusters and stutters so badly afterwards.

Continuing from that, he’s definitely the type to tease lightheartedly

Definitely not in the beginning though

So when you first started teasing and provoking him, causing him to get super flustered

He wouldn’t really know what to do except accept it, so imagine your surprise when he turns the tables once day and makes you a blushing mess

Most times when you hang out, you usually hang at the apartments in his room, or when sals an adult you’d hang out in his room in the house

During these hang outs you guys would usually listen to some music or just enjoy each others presence

Most times it’s just you and sal cuddling and ngl he smells rlly good

Like I’m not even joking and when you mention this, he can’t help but laugh and just tells you do too

However, when you guys hang out with Larry (which is more often than not) you guys end up in more than sus situations 😭😭

Then Larry is all like “I’ll leave you guys at it” and dips

Like??? We’re not doing anything 😭🗣️

Anyway

While you’re at high school ofc Travis has something to say, and if you’re a guy then he obviously calls you the f slur and a lot of homophobic nonsense

And if you’re a girl Travis still calls y’all homos in a negative way, and always says shit about you two

And I don’t think I need elaborate further about how Travis would probably hate crime you if you were non-binary, gender fluid, or basically anything under the trans umbrella

(Basically any gender identity that isn’t your assigned one 😭

Larry, ash, and Todd all get pissed at Travis , and they always come to the both of your guy’s defense

And ofc Sal is bit lenient towards Travis, well only ever when Travis is talking shit about him

If Travis talks shit about you he’d be pissed

But ofc younger Sal is less violent and more open so he’d obvs be kinder

Anyway, we all know what happens at the apartments and if you live there-

Let’s just say it pains Sal so much to have to kill you

I mean him having to kill all the people he grew up with and the people he cares for is horrible but he knows he has to

However, if you don’t, well let’s say you know about the cult and why he did it

Still doesn’t stop you from trying to find a way to get a lower sentence and from trying the convince ash of the truth

When sal dies, let’s just say you feel so alone

Of course you have ash by your side but it’s just horrible

Eventually you’re the person that sals soul would enter and you’d defeat the cult that way

But let’s all pretend that they were able to defeat the cult without having to kill the innocent tenants

Making sal a free man

Well if it were that way, you and Sal would be together for a long time, and if you both wished it, married too

———

Art credits : @/toasterdoodle22

[genderkoolaid]

I feel like you would get this, seeing this comment section kinda hurt. The OP they are responding to is a non-binary trans man who was talking about feeling uncomfortable because they still feel attraction to lesbians and have felt very excluded. He’s wary around certain lesbians because they center their ideology around hating men regardless of gender identity and has faced a lot of anti-transmasculinity and transmisogyny. While most lesbians are wonderful amazing people there’s no denying that some do hold an innate hatred for men, not saying they need to like men. I fully understand lesbians and predatory cis men but there’s definitely lesbians who would date trans men. It can be scary for a trans man to come out or start transitioning because at what point do they become too masculine or too much of a man for their friends. There were even people in the comments saying the same anti-man statements who identify as a he/him nonbinary lesbian. This topic is very hard to hear for me as a closeted genderfluid person because my best friend is a man hating lesbian and I dread the day I can actually begin transitioning and she turns her back on me like these people. Queer spaces in general can be hard to occupy as a multi gendered person because of those people as well as mlm/nblm spaces that say ‘fem aligned dni’. In general I don’t think we should police labels and everyone has their own interpretation and I think labels are just a suggestion anyway but I suppose that makes sense for a genderfluid bisexual person.

These people just straight up do not understand the gender diversity that has always existed in lesbian spaces (by which I mean spaces built & catering to queer women & those seen as women).

There have always been trans men in lesbian spaces. You aren't obligated to fuck them, but they have always been there. There are pages and pages of writing out there not only by trans male dykes, but by the lesbian cis women who love them and still identify as lesbians while in relationships with them. There are trans guys at dyke bars right now as we speak having a great time.

Its not surprising to me that there are he/him NB lesbians supporting this. There are a lot of people out there who, because they don't identify As Men, mentally distance themselves from those who do despite any similarities. It's okay for THEM to be lesbians, and it's transphobic to erase THEIR lesbianism because they are Non-Men™! but once you cross that line you become the enemy. It's very "no you gyns I'm TOTALLY different than those gross tbros i promise im not a man at all and i will never want to be one so im allowed in the club!" The same people also throw multigender people under the bus. Trying to figure out your nonbinary in this environment is hellish (I speak from experience) because people pretend like they are super accepting of nonbinary people, until you realize that if you ever think of yourself as even slightly male people will start seeing you as a predatory invader trying to Force Lesbians To Date Men! Very "complex gender for me but not for thee"

Anyways. Twitter is not a good place. Anon, I hope you find better friends. Not every queer space is this hostile to us, I promise. There are people out there who genuinely work to make our community better and I hope you find them.

[faggy--butch]

I think people underestimate the effect of being fat on gender. Like tips and tools for passing for any gender often just don't consider fat people. Gendered norms don't consider fat people. Fat people are so often degendered and viewed as worth less because of it. This also affects trans people's ability to enact their gender or pass. I often see skinny trans people talking about their experiences and stuff and it's like a whole other world of experiencing gender and I don't think this is talked enough about as a significant intersection of identity (because of fatphobia and the rhetoric of weight being a choice). Like there will be the occasional mention of don't listen to passing tips that say to slim down or whatever but rarely a full nuanced discussion of how gender as a whole works differently for fat bodies

Thank you for putting into words the exact feelings I've had for a long time.The way my fat body shapes my gender is something that I can't ignore. I remember growing up in the early and mid 2000s where the titular "girl" were people like Hilary Duff and Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez, thin and cute and and completely unachievable for me.

I remember having meltdowns at the store when I saw those little pink rhinestone shirts where the curves were preset. I remember going to hot topic and seeing the clothing that wouldn't even fit one whole boob if I tried to put them on.

It was devastating. Learning I was non binary eased this a lot, making me realize I didn't have to try so hard to pass as a cis girl anymore but Even still, trying to live as a man wasn't any easier, men have the same devastating weight standards.

With the talk of Gym bros having eating disorders and everything. They have same kind of toxic gender expectation, except now It's that you have to be big and strong. You can almost get away with it if you're "Strong" fat, but having visible breasts or a hanging tummy or soft face will degender you just the same. Fat people are not allowed to have a gender until we "lose an acceptable about of weight."

We're almost On standby mode, saying things like "when I lose weight I'll finally be happy, when I can fit into those clothes I'll finally be loved and accepted. When i lose weight I'll finally be the real me"

which is reinforced by media and those around you. We have to over perform gender to be even a little bit included, and then that might not even work if you're in a larger fat body. And god if this isn't 12000% reinforced when It comes to transgender expectations.

I mean you see it when people post about how sad and fat they were pretransition, and then become beautiful thin butterflies post transition. You can see it in how tgirl tummy tuesday is only ever thin or slightly fat girls. You can see it in the expectation of trans men to be either big and strong or thin waifish twinks, the only representation we get is conventionally attractive trans people Trans people get all the cruel gender expectations that cis people get, but doubled or tripled, and the fat people are left in the dust until we can lose enough weight to be included. I'm probably going to talk about this more because I have so much to say about it.

[velvetvexations]

I feel like a lot of the trans women saying that masculinity/manhood is always rewarded in everyone because patriarchy often forget that the opposite is true, actually, for people who are seen as women/put in the "woman" category.

Because yes, trans women are usually forced into manhood and "rewarded" for being men, and punished for being women. But that's not because manhood is universally rewarded in everyone, but because partriarchy sees having been born with a penis as "man".

It also sees being born with a vagina as "woman", and every deviation from that is *also* punished.

Yes, people who are seen as women/girls may have more freedom in expression of gender (depending on where they are from. I hate when ppl act like people afab everywhere can just dress like men without punishment. There are so many countries with laws on what "women" (and those treated as women because of their agab) can wear, and if anyone believes for one second that breaking these laws is REWARDED in any way, they're so fucking deep in their own head and need to talk to someone from these countries) but that freedom was fought for by feminists! Feminists have fought to be simply just allowed to wear pants. It's ridiculous to look at how it is now (in the western world) and make conclusions on that without looking at *why* it is that way now and how it was before.

And people are usually expected to grow out of their tomboy-"phase" by the time they reach their late teens, or early twenties at latest, and become a feminine woman, wife, and mother. If you don't do that, your masculinity gets punished.

And the masculinity of people afab is also only (begrudgingly) accepted (in SOME places in the world) as long as they're still visible as women or girls and their masculinity is hot and serves cishet men. As soon as they step "too far" out of these roles (by being non-binary or men, or being "ugly", fat, or anything that would make them "undesirable"), their masculinity gets punished. Horribly.

It's really infuriating when (trans)radfem trans women try to act like their experiences are universal and whenever someone says something that disagrees with them, they must be lying or "delusional" (yay, ableism! so progressive /s) for thinking that they were, in fact, punished for their masculinity or manhood...

Sorry for unloading this on you, didn't know where else to put it. And thank you so much for listening.

I think a major issue here is that no matter how much we try to reason things out and work through why they act the way they do, radical feminism, trans or cis, ultimately comes down, at some point, to a deliberate decision to prioritize egocentrism and their own desires over seeing other people as real, actual people - not even other transfems, who they just sexualize and try to control, or call a TERF if they can't. And it's hard to reason with that.

Like, they have to know on some level that they hyperinflate trans women in particular being "socially murdered"* to use as social capital and terrorize younger** transfems into isolating themselves. Maybe a very long time ago for some of them it came from the distress they felt from the legitimately immense danger transfems face in a variety of contexts, but they've shot far beyond that now and just don't really care. They've built a cage of unreality around themselves that makes me feel like I'm talking to aliens.

Like the other day, I was talking to one who insisted that the tee-em-ees will not show up for me. Like, I said they did, and she said they won't, and I was like, but they DO! They have! Always! I've seen it with my own eyes, directly for me specifically! But it was just "who hurt you," "let yourself be angry," "don't settle for just scraps," "they won't treat you better if you throw yourself at their feet," "social murder," and it's like WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE? WAS THIS A DREAM YOU HAD?

And what about the deliberately cruel fuckery, the constant derision of the most petty things like forcemasc? What the fuck do they get out of wrongly asserting that women are never punished for masculinity and never have a problem with being viewed as masculine, like why are they doing that, what is their goal? Because it seems like it's literally just "mock and invalidate the sexual interests of others and deem it an inferior copy of our thing."

What do they get out of misgendering cis and trans men for forcefem funsies and telling them to suck it up? They don't really believe that their forcefem joke is the only thing that might make an egg crack. That's extremely obviously a lie. They're doing it because they want to, because it's their kink, because they don't care about the feelings of other people, and they can use transmisogyny as a convenient defense when people ask them to moderate literally any of their behavior for the comfort of everyone else to literally any extent while demanding everyone else shut up and defer to them on every single topic in every single situation.

And this stuff with D20 and Ophiuchus and the transmasc character being treated better? A lie. Just fully making it up. Inventing it. Fabricating it. For attention.

I've never had one acknowledge it when I've tried to explain that I first learned about all of this from transmasc friends bringing it to me so they could defer to my opinion.

They're determined to stay like this. It sucks.

*truly a phrase that makes me livid to even think about now, they reduce it to about the same level of seriousness as forcefem jokes, every single time it's so thoughtlessly hollow and self-obsessed but you could guess that from it being a fair description of every thought they externalize

**let me make this clear, I'm referring to young adults, I am not accusing anyone of being predatory towards minors nor am I saying the motivations are necessarily sexual anyway, although clearly transradfems don't care about the effect their hyperbole will have on the mental health of minors exposed to it and trained from a young age to never trust anyone, so underage transfems are very much a concern here, but not in the sense that they're being directly and personally abused in any way

[cakesmelons]

idk if your still gonna answer asks about the situation but as a fellow trans person i need to explain something that i'm noticing a lot of people are not understanding (don't worry this isnt at you or anyone upset with cal) i'm seeing quite a few people go "she's sticking to her beliefs and being respectful! she's not being transphobic so what's the big deal!?" and i genuinely want the people saying this to read this post and take into consideration on why this doesn't make the situation any better her belief is a very outdated and also dangerous one because believing that there can only be a male and a female invalidates so many people (trans, enby, non-binary, intersex etc) and those beliefs can cause actual harm to people to the point of literal hate crimes, i'm sorry but you guys shouldn't give her a pat on the back for "sticking to her beliefs" because her beliefs are very, very harmful and i've even seen other christens disagree with her and try to explain to her why this is bad

secondly; there's also how she called trans people a label and used the term in quotation marks, we are not a label we are living breathing human beings who want to be happy with ourselves and have a right to exists thirdly and there's the elephant in the room... the twitter likes and follows, it's proven many times that cal has liked straight up horrible transphobic and homophobic tweets and even follows people like matt walsh who want lgbtq+ people dead, if anyone defending her didn't know about the twitter stuff then that's fine but if you did and still defend her then it's clear you guys are beyond help closing statement: the reason why people are very upset with cal is that she lied to so many trans people in the community with a cut and dry example of being two-faced, you simply cannot say you respect trans people and interact with them while also going out of your way to have a low-key transphobic belief, liking transphobic stuff and following transphobic people especially when undertale and deltarune cannonicly have lgbtq+ character (cal even drawing said lgbtq+ characters like undyne for example which i find rich since i've heard she doesn't like mlm and wlw ships) and the community having SO MUCH lgbtq+ people this isn't a "lets agree to disagree" situation, this isn't drama either, this is a very serious situation also i've seen people go "she hasn't said any hate in the past!" as an defense, sorry but that doesn't change anything... i think it just makes the fact that she fooled everyone worse anyway sorry for this lengthy asks, i'm too scared to make a post but also i've been very upset about the situation and wanted to get my thoughts out because the way people are defending her without understanding why this is actually very bad is making me facepalm so hard sincerely, a very emotional trans man

I really don't have anything to add. This is a pretty good summary of this whole thing.

[bluedilute]

So, the Venture community has been going crazy since the season 12 trailer, and pretty rightfully so. I've been very vocal about how upset I've been with all of this, but I'm trying to still remain positive (which is pretty hard to do in general because of all the negativity in the world) and I want what's best for everyone

With that, I wanted to talk about why I think Venture is gonna be okay and will be getting a lot more content than they have now in the future.

I have a LOT of thoughts about the topic (this post has like 20 paragraphs), so if you have the patience, please read below the cut!

Starting with the most important point,

Advocacy

There has been a lot of talk about Ventures' lack of content as of recent, especially on Twitter. We're all very loud about our love for Venture. We literally put them on a billboard in times square– twice– to show how much we love them.

All this talk and everyone asking for more content for Venture got to the point where Aaron Keller himself made a post addressing the buzz, saying they have a "really exciting skin" for season 14.

Obviously that's pretty far away, and everyone is really upset about having to wait that long for one skin, but it's at least something, and it's better than not knowing when they're getting their next skin.

As well as that, it takes about 4-6 months to make a skin, so at least they're getting to it fast(ish)

Advocating for our respective hero(es) can go a long way, and that's been shown recently. If we keep at it and be loud, we can get more of what we deserve.

It's of course unfair that they're only getting a skin then, and they should have had some already made. But there's an explanation for this,

Ventures' release & layoffs

Venture was created/released during the time when the layoffs were effecting the team the most, and they're currently still recovering from it. The team doesn't have the final say on what goes into the game, and the higher ups have made increasingly more cash-grab decisions since their release.

I also think the decision to have them release with barely anything was because they were deemed as 'controversial', being trans and non-binary, and they had to focus on heroes they knew would make more money. Despite that, I don't think it is directly rooted in transphobia within blizzard. If it was, and word got out, i'm sure they would be fired fast (blizzard has had to fire a lot of awful people through the years).

Overall, Venture got very unlucky with their release, and therefore got nothing when s10 went live. As of now, things seem to be getting better, and the team is trying their best to make better things for everyone, which brings me to my next point:

Other neglected heroes

It's no question that a lot of heroes have been swept aside as of recent, namely Illari, Ramattra, Lifeweaver, and Baptiste. Kiriko has also gotten a lot of skins, and everyone is sick of it.

But, in the last two seasons, these heroes have gotten more content. Such as Weaver getting a lifeguard skin, Illari and Ramattra getting new skins in the transformers collab, and the s12 battle pass with Illaris' thoth skin, Ramattras Poseidon recolor (it's at least something) and Baptiste getting a mummy skin in the battle pass. (I want to note that Bap getting a mummy skin doesn't mean Venture can't get one too!)

All of these heroes, and I think a couple more (Lúcio being one) getting more content leads me to believe that Venture will also be getting more stuff in the future. But about what's out now:

All-time cosmetics

This is where I get into stuff that might be a bit of a stretch. There isn't too much to say here either, but just hear me out for a second.

Firstly, Venture has gotten new interactions all 3 seasons they've been in the game, even in s12, while Valeria Rodriguez (their voice actor) has been on strike, which he is very vocal about participating in. They've also gotten a voice line in the battle bass every season, and this season they have 2 new sprays to come out soon (I think it's 2, might just be 1)

Second, the rework for their default victory pose. It's a small change, but actually looks a lot better than the old pose. Their stance looks more relaxed, yet confident. The old one just looks stiff and awkward. It looks like more care was put into the new pose, plus I don’t think they rework victory poses that often, especially the defaults.

As mentioned, they were developed when the layoffs happened, so they were probably rushed out a bit too. Hence the stiff pose.

They're not fully being forgotten about, and they get at least a little more stuff every season since their debut. With that I expect the number to go up more every time.

Junos' cinematic

Now I know it's really frustrating that Juno got a cinematic while Venture hasn't even gotten a real origin story, but I think this is actually a good thing!

There hasn't been a proper cinematic for overwatch in a while from what I know, and one being made could be a light in a dark tunnel. This is the game breathing again, and it could mean a brighter future for Venture, and other new/neglected heroes.

Conclusion

Overall, Venture has had a rough start with their debut, and with a lack of content for them, it makes people feel like they were just made for LGBTQ brownie points to be swept under the rug for the next Kiriko skin (which is unfortunately probably true in some way). But their fans and mains are very vocal, and with people who main other heroes, even 'popular' ones, speaking out about how unfair it is to us, it seems to be serving us well.

I implore you to keep your voices heard, and advocate for a better game, and better treatment of your heroes. And we can help (at least start) to make overwatch a better game

As a treat, here's some Venture pics I've gathered the last few months

Bonus section if you wanna read it

If not, have a great day or night!

Final thoughts

I genuinely wish I didn't care about this game as much as I do, I feel like a sweaty looser defending it all for one character.

I've seen games, great games, time and time again become cash-grabs and drags as the people who make them become blinded by stardom. This happened with FNAF, fall guys, Hello neighbor (that game has always sucked, but the stardom blindness is there) and so many others. Weirdly enough I've had dreams about games completely changing, all in one patch. Seeing it happen in real time is disheartening.

Overwatch is a pretty special game. It has great lore, amazing art direction, and one of the most diverse casts I've ever seen, especially for a AAA game.

I only kinda played after being recommended the game by a friend, and i never really clicked with any of the characters I tried (I just stuck with Cassidy cause he's a cowboy and I thought it was funny)

Venture is the first character I played and immediately clicked with, and they're incredibly relatable to me on top of that. They're a huge nerd who's extremely passionate about their craft, they're goofy and optimistic, and being trans myself, learning they were trans too made me feel seen.

Them being treated like this while also being the only trans hero feels really disrespectful, and blizzard shouldn't get away with that. As of now, I'm glad we're all very vocal about it not being fair to any of us.

I'm an aspiring game designer, and I have a dream to make my own game one day. This whole situation has inspired me to get my shit together so I can go to college and get my game design degree. I hope to be able to save games like this, and give them a better chance. It's a big dream, but I believe I can do it with help from the right people

I genuinely want what's best for the world of overwatch, and especially all the characters who've been neglected over the years. There are always gonna be people who are fans of every hero they make for the game, and if they keep making more, they should know at this point to make content for that character. Playing favorites does nothing but harm the game, and most often makes the mains of the favored heroes arrogant and self-important (at least in my experience, specifically with kiriko mains)

Anyways, with all my thoughts out there for the internet to see, thank you for reading this really long rant! It took me a long time to write this, lol. I'm very passionate about game design, and Venture has definitely fueled that fire. Have a great day or night!

[live-laugh-legolas]

hi! if I may, a request where the reader comes out to the Fellowship (and Faramir?) as non-binary/trans? just curious how each of them would handle the concept, since it's definitely not something we see portrayed much, canon or otherwise c:

Coming out to the fellowship as trans/non-binary (+Faramir)

Aragorn:

-A very respectful man

-Will ask your pronouns, name, whatever

-I think he might not understand it

-But he has the mindset of “I don’t speak dwarvish but I know it’s still a language” so he respects you even if he is a little confused

-Will make a point to learn though

-He never wants to remain ignorant and will make sure you know to correct him if he says anything insensitive or incorrect

Legolas:

-I was thinking about how elves would react to things like this and I’ll be honest, I don’t think they really know about it

-Like yes they are old and very wise, but they often are kinda sheltered

-So you can best believe Legolas has a lot of questions

-I think him and Frodo are very similar in their love of learning about other cultures and races, and this extends to sexuality and identity

-Elves can be kinda blunt though so expect some equally as blunt questions

-You might have to explain that this doesn’t mean you can just change your biology like a clownfish

-That would be awesome though

Gimli:

-I picture dwarves as being some of the most accepting of the races; unless you are an elf

-If you are an elf he will respect your identity but still won’t like you (initially) because you’re an elf

-I imagine him making fun of you but you correct him on your pronouns and he apologizes then continues while now using the correct pronouns

Boromir:

-It makes me sad that I can imagine some people thinking he would be against it

-Because he’s not

-He is such a lover of people and will be totally fine with whatever people identify as

-If you are trans he will make a point to call you his brother/sister whenever possible to show his support

-The biggest ally and no one can convince me otherwise

Frodo:

-So curious and fully accepting

-He is totally chill about it but will ask questions and want to know your whole story, even if there isn’t really one

-He loves you no matter what and will not stand for anyone saying anything but nice things about you

Sam:

-Possibly has a hard time

-He does his best to be supportive

-But he’s confused

-“If not boy or girl what is there??”

-But he’s so sweet about it you know he doesn’t mean it in an offensive way

-He just has a pretty black and white view of the world sometimes

-But will also very sternly and protectively correct people if they call you the wrong thing; he puts up with no bullshit

Merry:

-“Alright cool, anyway….” And just continues his prank plan

-Will make sure he knows your pronouns and what you wish to be called and referred to as but kinda leaves it as that

-I don’t think this sort of this is a new concept to him

-I imagine him being raised with the same way I was in regards to LGBTQ+ where it was just kinda there and was never taught as good or bad

-Like it just is a part of humanity and if you are LGBTQ+ then great and if you’re not, also great

-Will correct people if the call you the wrong thing but in a subtle way

Pippin:

-Facinated

-May ask possibly intrusive questions

-But he’s just very interested and doesn’t mean to be rude

-He just has no filter you know?

Gandalf:

-Says some poetic shit about being your true self and moves on

-Probably already knew somehow

*Bonus Faramir:

-Unlike his brother, I think he is a bit confused

-I think he is so caught up in trying to fit into a certain mold because of his father that he forgets there is more to life sometimes

-I mean that in the nicest way; I love this sweet gentle man

-But he’s a bit sheltered

-Will go to his brother to ask questions because he’s shy

-Will apologize if he thinks he said or did anything wrong or insensitive

-He didn’t but he’s nothing if not thorough

-He is also so empathetic if you face any discrimination or harassment and he will stand by your side no matter what

———————————————————————

If anything said in here is insensitive or something plz let me know and I will update. I will never be offended if someone points things out to me because that is the best way for me to learn and better myself as a person :)

I want this to be a safe blog for everyone 💕

[elysisticism]

Dear Queer Kids: It Doesn’t Get Better

The news cycle from the past few months could break your heart, over and over and over again. It consistently spits out stories of our community’s most painful incidents of directed hate, in violent and gory detail. And there’s a new one every time you turn around.

Lately, the theme has been transphobic fear mongering and increased restriction on an even more vulnerable subset: trans youth. The vitriol has always been there, it just wasn’t always so blatantly acted upon, especially so close to home. The hate speech has moved from whispers behind closed doors to shouts in the street, to the mouths of our politicians, to the ink spilled out on our legislation. The consequences are dire: suicide, assault, murder.

This pride month, as I reflect on the past year, I remember the tragic assault and subsequent death of Nex Benedict, a 15-year-old non-binary student just trying to use the school bathroom. I am reminded of my days as a queer and trans kid. It has been over a decade since I was stuck attending public school, but I vividly remember the uncertainty, the fear, and the hopelessness. When my carefully built scaffolding of adult queer life is stripped away, these are the emotions that remain.

At that time, there was a popular campaign, mostly by out gay celebrities like Ellen DeGeneres (we didn’t have a lot of visible trans adults back then) featuring them assuring queer kids, from their mansions, sports cars, or Hollywood sets, that it gets better. I remember the sentiment ringing quite hollow. When you are so immensely vulnerable and in pain in the very present moment, it doesn’t help hearing that it will get better in some far-off imaginary future. We didn’t know if we’d survive until then.

Now, reflecting on the last ten years from a vantage point above the chaos of teenage life, it would still ring hollow. You need to know that it doesn’t get better – it gets different.

As a non-binary teenager, one of my biggest hurdles wasn’t hate, it was invisibility. It may be because of my privilege as a less feminine, middle-class white kid, or my propensity to people-please, stay quiet, and focus on academics, but I was rarely a victim of deliberate and directed transphobia or discrimination. This doesn’t mean that those teenage years were easy for me. Invisibility comes with its own set of hardships: constant misgendering, gaslighted excuses for why it was ‘too difficult to understand,’ and a reputation as the ‘weird kid’ ate at me each day, nibble by nibble. Illegibility shielded me from targeted violence, but it also shielded my true self from the world. From underneath the covers, I could peak out at a world that was barely beginning to accept cisgender gay couples, and pretend to be asleep (deny my truth and project myself as girl) when the wrong type of attention was drawn, dreaming of a time when it would get better, and I would be recognized for who I am.

Slowly, the transgender community has gained societal awareness through campaigns, media attention, and the hard work of queer activists. However, not all attention is good attention. With an increase in general dialogue surrounding the transgender community has come an increase in hateful dialogue, misinformation, bigoted rhetoric, and violent actions. To be clear, the hate is not new: gender non-conformity has been seen as unacceptable for generations of Western society. However, the hate has evolved and gained traction amongst those who can use it for their own gain.

In the present moment, hate against such a miniscule but exposed minority of the general population is a rallying point, a dog-whistle, and a distraction. Fueled by disinformation, purposeful misunderstandings, and exaggerated or blatantly false claims, transgender people have become a common enemy. To the loudest of our critics, we never were individual humans with unique actions, aspirations, and lives we are attempting to live free of violence. Instead, we symbolize an attack on the status quo and everyone who belongs to it or benefits from it. Truly, I do not believe that most people have an ingrained motive to hate our community; what they hate is the feelings of vulnerability that emerge within themselves as a reaction to societal changes beyond their control. Spurred on by certain faith leaders, politicians, and influencers, they have turned this fear into anger and have directed it those more marginalized than themselves.

The consequences of this movement are now beginning to come to fruition. Transgender youth looking to participate in sports, get an education, or merely go to the bathroom face a barrage of restrictions, discrimination, and violence. The most vulnerable members of our community who do not experience outright beatings will absorb the environment of hate that has seeped into our institutions and transform it into self-loathing. At best, self-loathing shuts tight and locks the closet door, preventing queer kids from ever experiencing and sharing their true selves. At worst, self-loathing turns to careless risk-taking, self-harm, and suicide. Simply put, transphobia on the societal level leads to trans death again and again and again.

Perhaps this age-old song of hate will decrescendo, but it will always be audible in the background of our lives. The privileged fearful will find a new victim-enemy, re-concentrate on another vulnerable group, and begin to ignore us once again. Then, just as we did after the second world war, after the government purge, and after the HIV/AIDS crisis we will quietly emerge from the shadows, take stock of our circumstances, mourn our dead, and continue to live. We will learn their new rhetoric, we will educate a new generation, and we will advocate for the most vulnerable amongst us. We will survive again and again and again.

It doesn’t get better - it gets different. Yet we adapt to this difference every time and every time we continue to survive.

But if it doesn’t get better, if the hate continues to circulate, evolving and reforming each time, why must we endure? Why should our community, and our youth, continue to subject themselves to the same violence experienced by our queer ancestors?

Queer youth of today, you must know that there is more to life than perpetual hate. The storm may rage around us, but there will be moments where you find yourself in the eye. When you finally put on that item of clothing and the mirror reflects back the true essence of who you are; when you find the group of friends and chosen family that stick with you, no matter what; when you look your partner in the eye and spark that feeling of belonging, feeling of home.

These islands of queer joy sustain us, nurture us, and remind us of why we fight again and again and again.

You don’t need to listen to those privileged celebrities in their mansions, sports cars, and Hollywood sets telling you it gets better in some distant future. You also don’t need to listen to the hate-mongering faith-leaders, politicians, and influencers. What you need, and what I know is out there for you, is a community of allies, peers, and queer elders that will assure you that you are welcome, just the way you are.

This is how we continue in the face of hate, violence, and death. We gather – in secret, in public, online, in person, covertly, in colourful displays, at protests, at memorials, out loud, and in whispers. We find each other and we hold fast to one another, we support each other, we care for each other, and we ensure our own survival.

I must tell you that it doesn’t get better. The hate never goes away. But you will grow into a community of resilience, a community of hope, and a community fueled by moments of your very own queer joy.

[multigenderswag]

Multigender Survey Results Dec 2023: Anything else relevant

Participants were asked "Share anything else about your multigender identity that you find relevant" and had the option to respond with long answer text. Some notable responses include:

As a m+f bigender person who uses he/she pronouns, I sometimes feel like the "he" refers to my female side, and the "she" refers to my male side

I am no longer religious/Christian, but the expression “God is Change” resonates deeply with me and my approach to gender as experience. I accept that my gender (holistically) is an amalgamation, something that breathes new life into itself repeatedly and often unexpectedly, sustained by its own willingness to grow past its bounds and taste richness anew. Teaching is part of my work, and as such I consider myself an eternal student: gender is just one avenue for discovery and learning for me.

I feel so boring but it is what it is, name wise I use one (completely feminine) with group A and one (completely masculine) with group B and hope and pray that they never interact

I identified as a 'tomboy' (gender wise) as a child and transmasc as a teenager. As an adult part of my being multigender is honouring these past versions of myself and acknowledging that who I was is an important part of who I am today.

I like to describe my gender like this: imagine there’s a house on a street. the house represents being a boy/male, and being *in* the house means you’re binary male. The road represents a neutral, non-male/female gender. My gender is like the driveway — both part of the road *and* the house

i think this is relevant-ish, but the way i experience gender kind of feels like. there's a man and a woman in my head at all times, not in a system way so much as a (this is very obviously stupid but i can't find another comparison to articulate it) inside out way. they're both always there, and they're both separate, but at the same time, they come together to make the same person, me! nonbinary is a label i understand and identify with, mostly to simplify the matter for others, but in reality, it kind of feels like a... superbinary of sorts. i'm 100% a man, and 100% a woman, but because the binary only "allows" you to choose one, nonbinary is technically correct, isn't it?

I'm multigender in the "one gender that fits into several categories" way than being multigender in a "has multiple genders" way

My gender is the intersection of butch dyke and trans man. I'm questioning things right now, but I'm somewhere in that region, with a foot in both at once. I've always been drawn to butchness and sapphicism as well as transmasculinity. I think most of my journey to understand my gender has been a balancing act between identifying as enough of a guy to feel comfortable in my skin but non-binary enough to not have to abandon my identity with butchness. Recently I've adopted the label multigender, and it's helped a lot. I'm only even a little bit a girl if I can be a boy first and foremost, and I could be just a boy or just a dyke but I would have to kill part of myself to do so. I'm trying to find a way to exist in my gender without blood on my hands. I think I'm getting there. It's hard but I'm getting there.

It is complicated but I love it

Yay I love multi gender people we are so cool. <3

A number of participants also referenced being autistic and how that has influenced their multigender identity, so it is possible that autism may be included as a question on the next survey.

[autolenaphilia]

I’m not the first person to notice there are some people on this site who view themselves as queer, but still have some very sexually conservative views. They are gay, trans or non-binary, but for example are very disgusted by other queers doing kink, causing the never-ending kink at pride discourse. Call them puriteens (some of them are in fact not teens), tenderqueers, whatever, they are a thing, a real genre of person

A lot of them seem to have baggage from a specifically American Christian evangelical upbringing, and it’s purity culture, or different but similar religious backgrounds. That makes a lot of sense for how these people tick. These people realize they are queer in some way, and that leads to a break with their religious upbringing, but they still have a lot of ingrained prejudice from that upbringing, especially about queer people who are different from them.

And even if you grow up in a secular or fairly relaxed religious environment, mainstream culture is filled with homophobic, misogynist and transphobic messaging that you will internalize. If you grew up in an environment that sees even kinky cis gay people as disgusting and trans women in general as predatory perverts, that is going to linger, even if you have struggled to accept your own queerness.

The problem is that a lot of (especially white) queers think because they are queer now, their views and even their immediate emotional responses are automatically progressive and liberatory. They forget that they have been raised with prejudice and bigotry, and that it might be ingrained in how they think and react to things. If you only rejected the religion and ideology of your conservative upbringing because you discovered you were queer yourself, it is easy to not challenge bigotry against people unlike yourself.

They also forget that even if queerness is a useful umbrella term to describe what we have in common, we are not a monolith. Some queer people have privilege over other queer people, and that gives them material benefits to continue certain forms of oppression. So they are incentivized by society to not challenge certain systemic oppression, which makes even sincere self-criticism of that ingrained prejudice even harder. Cis gays have cis privilege over trans people and TME trans people have privilege over transfems. Queer men are not exempt from male privilege, and misogyny is a problem in queer communities. Our communities are dominated by white people, and we need to acknowledge that systemic racism exists, and that white queer people like me have white privilege, especially over queer people of colour.

When you benefit from systemic oppression, it’s easier to not challenge bigotry and prejudice. And it’s hard to do so even if you want to. The brain functions so that you get an emotion about a thing first, and then it comes up with rationalizations for why you feel that way. A religious person finds something weird and disgusting and thinks it’s because “it’s against God’s will.” It’s similarly easy for a person who finds queer kinky people disgusting to find non-religious reasons to rationalize that disgust. Typically it’s through some tortured logic to argue it’s somehow child sexual abuse. That method is even used by religious people trying to rationalize homo- and transphobia, since CSA is something that pretty much everybody thinks is evil and disgusting (for good reasons).

So you find self-described queer people arguing that kink at pride is somehow “grooming” of children, mindlessly regurgitating the age-old “queer people recruit and sexually abuse children” trope. Or leading callout campaigns against transfem after transfem, calling them pedophiles for things that are not pedophilia, like having weird kinks or liking the wrong kid’s cartoon. It’s the old method of disposing of transfems by falsely painting them as predatory, as described in “Hot Allostatic Load”. Being transfem is often painted as being a fetish in itself (as I wrote about here), so being “kink-critical” easily turns to transmisogyny. Yet the people doing it often defend themselves by arguing that it is not transmisogyny, because “i’m trans myself”, and it’s about the crimes of “this individual transfem, not transfems as a group” (despite doing this ritual of callouts, isolation and disposal in succession against transfem after transfem on fake charges).

And all this is nothing new, young queer folks on tumblr did not pioneer any of this. It’s the age-old tactic of queer assimilationism and homonormativity. Queers who think they are more palatable to the cishet majority try to vie for acceptance by throwing more “weird” and marginalized queer people to the wolves. “I’m one of the good ones, those other queers are disgusting perverts.” Distancing yourself from the queer people who do kink and polyamory is a major tactic of this.

Even the tactic of rehabilitating your own ingrained religious sexual conservatism by giving it a feminist and progressive coat of paint is nothing new. In fact I think this is what a lot of the old terfs did. Early influential terfs had a catholic background, and it shows in their works.

For example Janice Raymond was the woman who did more than anyone else to create a coherent transmisogynist “feminist” ideologywith her 1979 book The Transsexual Empire, (elements of it existed before her, but she gave its first coherent expression). Raymond was once a catholic nun, a member of the Sisters of Mercy (the Catholic order of nuns, not the awesome goth rock band). She is now a lesbian, which is clearly why she broke with the Catholic church, yet she has retained suspiciously catholic opinions on both trans women and sex workers. She still agrees with the Catholic Church that both should be eradicated, except Raymond would claim she wants them gone for feminist reasons. She is very much the archetype of a cis middle-class queer who still retains the bigotry against trans women and sex workers from her religious upbringing, now justified in feminist terms. And she never had reason to challenge that bigotry, because as a woman with cis privilege who has a comfortable academic career, she benefits from it.

Raymond’s The Transsexual Empire originated as her dissertation under her professor, Mary Daly, who is an even clearer example of this, and an influential early TERF. Daly taught at the Jesuit-run Boston College, and started off as a “feminist theologian”, trying to reconcile feminism and catholic theology. She eventually abandoned this project for obvious reasons, but strong traces of catholic thinking remained in her work.

Her arguments in her book Gyn/Ecology about how “transsexual surgeries” are a violation of the boundaries of the natural body are very close to the transphobic arguments made by true-believing catholics today. This argument is made in the context of a wider anti-technology, anti-industrial and anti-urban argument in the book that science and technology are a “Frankenstein phenomenon”, male attempts to mimic women’s ability to create life, which can only destroy. This all echoes the arguments of older reactionary catholic writers from De Maistre to Tolkien, in its gender essentialism, the idea that modern industry and urban life is destructive to humanity’s natural way of life, creating sexual degeneracy like transsexuality. For in this extremely religious ideology, there is no real progress, because we humans can’t constructively add to what is already created. Daly only gives this reactionary argument a superficial feminist and environmentalist coat of paint.

And this specifically Catholic influence on the terf movement has continued to this day. The idea of “gender ideology” and being “anti-gender” that is so common in terf rthetoric comes from 90s Catholic theologians. Of course, terf connections to the religious right go beyond catholicism, dating back at least to Raymond’s work with the Reagan adminstration in the early 80s, and has only accelerated to direct connections to the fascist revival in the last ten years, especially as the movement has expanded beyond it’s original base of cis lesbians.

The fate of the terfs, to be co-opted into a fascist movement, shows clearly where this kind of movement among queer people is heading. We have no reason to think today’s young queers who have a proven track record of falling for transmisogynist nonsense and ingrained anti-kink and assimilationist impulses will end up anywhere different. The ironic thing is that these people often view themselves as being “anti-terf” while repeating old terf arguments against kinky queer people and their old transmisogynist tactics to dispose of trans women. In fact, the kink at pride discourse was in fact created by 4chan fascists and these people fell for it.

It’s a self-defeating politics, of course. No matter how many concessions to cisheteronormativity a queer person does, no matter how many other queer people they throw to the wolves, you can only delay your own persecution, not prevent it. All alliances with fascism will end in you being stabbed in the back. The benefits you derive from furthering homo- and transphobia, racism and misogyny against other queer people are limited. It’s motivated by self-interest, but those interests are better served by solidarity and fighting back against patriarchy and cishetnormativity.

[uncanny-tranny]

I wish I was binary because at least binary people have the option to assimilate and pass and stealth and be common people. I always have to be an abnormal whether I like it or not, always an incorrect. Do you think I should just suck it up and try pretending to be binary cis or trans? :(

I'm going to be really honest: you have to weigh your options a lot, but it's not as simple as binary people being able to assimilate. I know it's really, really hard to be able to live truly as yourself and to have people... almost assume correctly, or respect who you are automatically. This is something binary people also tend to experience, and I would hope that people won't shun your experiences with exorsexism because of the weird idea that assimilation into cishet standards matters more than who you are.

I think it's best to be honest about who you are and your intentions. Would you want to assimilate completely, or do you want to actually, truly be respected? I used to want to completely assimilate because I saw it as people would miraculously start respecting me without question or condition. You deserve the chance to not sacrifice any part of yourself, though.

I would also want to encourage you to find solidarity with binary people because many of us can't assimilate in one way or another. While there are so many exorsexism problems in binary spaces, we can only start to combat and defeat them by actually challenging them. I also encourage binary people to be part of this effort, to make active effort in addition - I'm not saying that it's only "up to" nonbinary people to defeat a bigotry that they aren't responding for holding.

I relate with you, anon. In many ways, I can presume that I have a wildly different experience. My nonbinary-binaryness isn't something I put on the table in my real life by choice, but I also am not assimilated completely into cishet standards. I never will have that "privilege," which, to be clear isn't a privilege in the traditional sense, more of a very conditional type of thing. We need to remember that assimilation and disassimilation for any reasons aren't necessarily privileges when we talk about marginalized people, and you are not more or less worthy of a voice to have at the table because of an arbitrary sliding scale about how much your voice matters.

Anon, I won't tell you what to do, but I think you deserve the chance to... I guess reckon with what you want. That's easier said than done, and believe me, I know that intimately. I don't want you to feel like you must sacrifice any aspect of who you are in order to have the chance of being respected and seen as an equal person, and I also don't want you to have unrealistic, unfair, and unreasonable standards that you need to adhere to because of... Who You Are.

[nothorses]

re: the binary/nonbinary discussion. i feel the main logic behind mis- and degendering is about rejecting the target as thoroughly as possible. denying their reality. if you want a place at the table of the Recognized Genders tm, actually you get none, you Abject Other. wait you are trying to have a picnic over there? get right back in your chair you lunatic, there's nothing outside this table.

also, discussions like these often feel so backwards to me. bigotry comes from the bigot exerting it on others, not the target somehow inherently attracting it. and it's not logical or consistent past a certain degree. really wish ppl would approach things more practically and less ontologically.

I could totally see that, but I will say that I tend to see degendering specifically "justified" a lot by hand-wringing benefit of the doubt stuff. like, "they/I just forgot your pronouns", or "it's so hard to keep track of pronouns so I just use they/them for everyone"- excuses that try to save the person doing the degendering face. we even saw this in the CEO drama; "I just didn't know her pronouns!" when that information was readily available and easy to access.

the whole point is, for a lot of people, that degendering can be justified. it comes pre-baked with the benefit of the doubt; you just forgot! you're so bad at remembering, haha, oh well. better luck next time! you'll get it eventually!

when people want to be openly hateful, they openly misgender. rejecting the target as thoroughly as possible means using "she/her" for me.

when people degender me, it's only concrete and obvious like a quarter of the time that they're doing it at all- and even when it is obvious, they and everyone around them will work overtime trying to convince me that it's actually not degendering anyway.

when people intentionally misgender me, that's, like, the whole point. they want me to know they misgendered me. they want it to hurt as much as possible, and that's why they misgendered me instead of just degendering.

I hear you, though, and maybe this is just based on my experiences as someone existing primarily in trans-friendly or "trans-friendly" spaces! but that's kinda where my analysis is coming from.

[genderkoolaid]

I'm sorry but you people have demeaned the word lesbian so badly... the LITERAL definition of a lesbian is a NON-MAN who likes NON-MEN. How is that so fucking hard to understand? Not you specifically, but people like you have made it into something it's not; the whole "bi lesbian" and "straight lesbian" shit, saying trans men can date lesbians (which is literally just transphobic), straight up just saying lesbians can date men???? MEN???? DO YOU NOT HEAR YOURSELVES?

And now the whole butch discourse lmao. Sure, maybe in days long past it was a broader term, but today when someone hears the word butch, I can guarantee their minds will jump to a butch lesbian. If y'all want it to be the GBT community so bad then just say so

Also I can guarantee that you were one of the mfs laughing at lesbians who used he/him or he/they pronouns back in 2020 lmao performative ass bitch

Definitions of words do not descend from Heaven straight from the lips of God. We make them up! So I simply disagree with your definition of lesbian, as do many others. Personally, I enjoy the definition of "queer love/desire for women." For one, it centers lesbianism around women, instead of centering it around the exclusion of men. And two, "non-men loving non-men" is a definition which utterly erases nonbinary people. If an agender person is dating a neutrois person, they are not lesbians- or gay men- simply because y'all cannot get your head out of your binary asses for five seconds. "Non-men loving non-men" is a definition that attempts to be nonbinary-inclusive but only succeeds in making nonbinary & genderqueer identities palatable for radical feminism and political lesbianism. Honestly, I would prefer someone who defines lesbian as "woman loving woman" but understands that many people have complex relationships with womanhood while still feeling attached to the label of lesbian, than someone who uses this "NB-inclusive" definition and goes absolutely feral over genderqueers who are Doing It Wrong.

Anyways, speaking of radical feminism: acknowledging male lesbians and mspec lesbians is not "making lesbianism something its not." It is just recognizing the beautiful complexity that has always existed within lesbianism.

The lesbian community- which I'm using to refer to all kinds of communities organized around queer relationships to women & womanhood- has always been a haven for a lot more people than cis women exclusively into other cis women. The idea of sexuality-as-identity is very recent, and the idea of drawing a hard line between people who only like people of the same gender and people who like the same gender and more is also extremely recent. Beyond that, trans men and nonbinary people have always taken shelter under lesbianism. "Butch" in the context of lesbianism has always been a trans* identity, a way for people with a queer gender to find community and safety.

The reason why we have this idea of lesbianism as a strict category with hard borders is..... you guessed it..... radical feminism! And specifically "political lesbianism," which essentially placed woman-only relationships as the only true feminist relationship you could have. "Lesbian" became a political identity because of its focus on woman-woman relationships. But that meant that, for political lesbianism to be acceptable to radical feminism, it needed to conform to radical feminist beliefs about what makes a good feminist. Which meant:

No trans women or fems (because they are too male and probably predators)

No trans men or mascs (because they are too male and also traitors)

No bisexuals (because they are too male by association and are also traitors)

No penetrative sex, or at least no strap ons (because it imitates men)

No kinky sex (see above but with bonus "kink is evil" flavoring)

No butch/femme roles (because they imitate heterosexuality; everyone has to be neutrally androgynous).

I believe that much of modern lesbian discourse comes from trying to marry lingering radfem beliefs with modern attempts at trans-inclusivity. So you adapt the blatant transphobia: now, trans women are allowed in (as long as they are palatable to cis women), because they're women! And nonbinary people can also be allowed in- at first they were woman-aligned, and then later as long as they weren't man-aligned. Being butch/femme is Back In Style, but we have to soothe the gender anxiety that butches cause by assuring everyone that only True Lesbians can be butch, and butches are always women, even if they kind of aren't, but regardless they're definitely not men, because butch has always been a lesbian term (except it hasn't.) The discourse is haunted by the ideas that lesbianism is constantly under attack, more than anyone else, and that lesbian culture is unique and special and must be guarded from (male/-aligned) invaders who are probably also sexual predators.

To say that this is all just "days long pasts" ignores both that, in physical queer spaces there very much still are male lesbians and bi lesbians who are accepted parts of their local communities, and that you only see those days as "long past" because of the impact of radical feminism on lesbianism. The only reason you see these changes as a good thing is because you've swallowed radical feminist ideas without realizing it.

Also, "if you say butch most people will think of butch lesbians" is an extremely silly argument. Literally who fucking cares. If you say "man" there are still a lot of people who will immediately think of exclusively cis men (see: every feminist who says shit like "if men could get pregnant). Does that mean that trans men should just give up their identities because other people don't understand them? You dork?

Anyways. The funniest part of this ask is how damn confident you are that I was apparently hating on he/him lesbians three years ago. Idk how to tell you this but I'm a boygirl gaylesbianbisexual and have identified this way for years. I have been personally terrorized by shitty lesbian identity politics, the same ones you are repeating now, which told me that if I was even 1% male then identifying as a lesbian made me a disgusting predator. Which caused me years of suffering because no matter how hard I tried, I could not ignore my multigenderedness and how that affected my sexuality. Sowwy but you look silly as hell and your argument is bad and you should feel bad </3