#also guess who just figured out community labels

[starshapedspider]

first kiss together

[drakesvalley]

The wildest part about being a system and having known you are a system for a while (6+ years for us) HAS to be seeing people who are just figuring it out fall into holes that you've long left behind.

Like. Yeah. We also thought we needed to keep tabs on everyone to increase communication. In the end it became too unwieldy. Especially since DID evolves with what you experience all the time.

Microlabels are cool and I fully support anyone who uses them, but figuring out what to call every single structure in your system isn't for us anymore.

Another thing we notice is people who try their best to know who is fronting at all given times. A lot of that comes naturally to us nowadays, but it's also... OK not to know. Especially if you're not focusing on anything system related at the time.

I guess a lot of this boils down to, it's okay not to care. It's okay to go with the flow of things and figure out at your own pace. Identity is fluid, especially if you have a dissociative disorder. You don't HAVE to have everything figured out 100% of the time.

It's okay to take it slow. It's okay to not know. It's okay to just exist for a bit. It's okay to live and experience things beyond being a system.

To all the people who are just starting to comprehend this. You do not need to know and label exactly what is happening in your head all the time. Fuck, we sure don't. And we're happier for it.

It's okay to just be you.

[welldrawnfish]

So these last few days has been.. Turbulent. DIFFERENT

I think I may be a System? Infact I KNOW I am a system at this point, but Im also not ready to accept that. Well a part of me isnt, and the other parts of me are like… uh duh of course you are. 

*A system in this context refers to the collective consciousness under the DID / OSDD Umbrella, I dont know the correct terminology in all of this, so im so sorry If i I mess up. I don’t necessarily want to give myself a label, there's .. brain scans and stuff I can get to prove it. And I need those, thats the only way I know this is real. But for now, for my own mental health I am treating it as if it were.. “real “ And I dont really know… what to expect…? I want to find something, ANYTHING, on I guess.. Systems waking up? But I cant find it. So I’ll just do this here Im gonna dump out all our thoughts onto some comic pages and we will figure it out.  I had a bit of an awakening roughly.. 5 days ago, and for the sake of convenience gonna use Plural/System terminology - There are alters, I have met them, the have names and personalities and some of them are really fuckin annoying i just want to punch him in his TEETH

Anyways, since the alter awakening moment, my brain has been in TURMOIL parts of me accept this, parts of me dont, i keep feeling like my face is like shifted 2 inches to the right and everything gets fuzzy in the real world. Not that these alters have names like.. Files are getting sorted  into these proper figures and everything is getting explained and figured out. And its making me feel like I'm not me anymore?

Like I always would argue and barter and fight with my own thoughts, but that's the thing, they wer thoughts, voices in my head with just like, distinct personalities. I just saw it as a different part of me?? Figured that was normal.

But now they are.. stronger ? OR maybe because i'm more aware of them and the personalities I can tell whos out now and like.. Obviously they are happy to get some facetime with the world properly?? But like.. Am *I* just aware of it, aware of them now, aware that it is not just *I* but *We* and so noticing it more, I'm resisting even harder? We feel more fractured than ever.

I have a good friend helping me out, another system, I owe them everything, maybe my life. (PLEASE FOLLOW @transpanda-1 BTW THEY DESERVE IT) They had a few amazing tips, but I cant keep bugging them about every anxiety on my mind thats not fair, so I’ll ask the whole community.

I guess what I want to know is.. Like is this normal? Do all systems go through this? What should I expect in the future and how do I make this more streamlined and stop.. Fighting it? I guess?

I thought I finally had myself figured out, just be the girl who makes the funny relatable trans comics… it was simple.

[burnedwriter]

‘’love game’’

a/n:i  didnt think this fic was going to take me so long to finish,i apologise for the wait anyways i dont want to waste your time here is the fic.this fic is based off of a playlist on yt called playing tcg with the sumeru men.

warnings:smut mixed with fluff,foursome,c*mswallowing,rough bj,rough s*x,overstimulation,drunk sex,!gender-neutral language used.(had to censore stuff so my post doesnt get community labeled)

MDNI!

Getting invited to Al haitham’s  and kaveh’s house for a friendly tcg duel was better than you thought it would be.Sitting around a table that was used as the arena,with one glass of alcohol in hand and tcg cards on the other.The room filled with laughter and kaveh’s angry yells towards cyno who was sitting across the table,accusing cyno of cheating and hidding cards but in reality he hasnt set up his cards correctly and got unlucky with the dice placements.

‘‘Kaveh stop complaining already’‘Al haitham hissed expressing his annoyance to kaveh’s constant wining of loosing.

‘‘i will stop complaining when i finally win a match’‘kaveh spat back at him as he looked at his cards like he knew what he was doing but he had no clue what he was doing to be exact just so he could make cyno second guess but everyone could see through kaveh and make out that he was pretending.

Their little dispute making you chuckle a bit every time,getting a scoff from kaveh as a respond.

The games kept going through out the night,everyone starting to get drunk but also the tension between cyno and kaveh that never seemed  to extinguish any time soon as cyno was telling shitty puns to a very drunk and angry kaveh putting more gasoline into the fire.After playing for so many hour you got bored of playing tcg so you decide to suggest a change in the rules making the game more interesting.....

‘���How about we change the game up a bit,im sick of playing over and over again the same thing’‘you spoke up, throwing your cards on table as you exhaled expressing your boredom.The three men raised their eyebrows curious of what you had in mind ready to listen on what you had to suggest.

‘‘what do you suggest then?’‘cyno said looking at you for an answer his cheeks flashed red against his dark complexion from the alcohol making him look quite attractive, but also making you think was it the really alcohol? 

‘‘what if we played strip tcg the more games we loose,the more pieces of clothing accordingly,are you guys in?’‘you said you could feel a mischivious smile that started to form at the idea only as you waited for the men to answer

‘’sure’‘they all said looking at eachother to see if someone disagreed with your suggestion

‘‘Let’s begin the games then’‘you said starting to fix your deck for the upcoming challenges that have yet to come.

Turning out that you had to prepare more,after the challenge started you became the second to last person that had less clothing with the first being to no suprise kaveh yet again.You and kaveh barely holding on as you were both in your underwear while al haitham and cyno havent lost a single piece of clothing.

You tried your best to hide your almost naked figure,al haitham’s gaze felt like daggers were piercing your body ,with each time he looked at you,like you were his prey ready to jump over the table and devour you on the spot but everytime you took noticed of that he would turn his vision away from you and smile like nothing happened.Cyno on the other hand was trying his best not to look at your naked figure as he was closer to you than any of the others.Cyno snaked a hand on your thigh squeezing it softly,catching you off guard you turned to look at him only to see him having a small smile at the corner of his mouth.Lastly Kaveh stubbling over his words as a red line of blush run across his face every time he faced you.

At end the atmosphere in the small room,turned  from a joyful and full of laughs to a lustful and full of lewd sounds one with cards and clothes littering the floor all around as you laid on the table on your back,your legs wrapped around cyno’s waist,as he pounded into you while your hands were occupaid with al haitham’s and kaveh’s cocks, stroking them.They towered over you placing their hands all over your body desperently grabbing parts of your flesh.

You see cyno grabbing your thighs,as his thrust became sloppier and mercilessindicating that he was getting close,his cock brushing against your sweetspot,you feel yourself closer to what would be your first climax of the night,the heat in your lower abdomen ready to snap at any moment,the same could be said for the other two men above you their cocks throbbing against your hand,With one last pump,cyno stained your inside and with al haitham and kaveh covering your exposed skin with white sicky liquid.

‘‘we are not done with you yet’‘Al haitham said pushing you back down on the table as he took notice of you getting up,he gaazed towards cynos direction giving him a sign to change positions.Now al haitham taking cynos place while cyno sat on a chair,getting a full view of the scene.Al haitham slipped in with ease,making you moan loudly and arch your back feeling yourself getting strectched, Unlike cyno,al haitham was girthier streching your walls even more than before.Kaveh’s cock touching your lips you could taste the saltyness from his previous orgasm everytime you licked them,he slowly pushed himself in your mouth slowly keeping his hips still so he doesnt gag you as he hit the back of your throat ,they waited for you to get adjusted to both of them.

After a few minutes of kaveh and al haitham waiting,they started to roll their hips into you in  a matching pace while cyno sitting on the chair,his legs spread,strokinging himself as he watched you.The two men continued to pound into you filling the room with both gagging and the sound of skin slapping.Kaveh getting overwhelmed by the pleasure turning into a moaning mess throwing his head back as he used your throat as his personal fleshlight.al haitham’s abs flexed indicating that he was getting closer.Cyno leaned against the chair throwing his head back covering his eyes with his forearm as he breathed heavily,stroking himself,low groans could be heard comming from him.

Everyone including you were close once again for your second climax of the night and with one last thrust kaveh and al haitham finished inside you with cyno soon after finishing all ove his hand and spilling some of it on the floor.Swallowing every it of kaveh’s cum before pulling  out of your mouth,letting you catch your breath and let you breath normally again.Seeing you try to get up kaveh rushed to your side knowing that you felt sore with al haitham and cyno soon after by your side.

‘‘the bathroom is around the corner let’s hope ‘’someone’‘ left warm water for us to clean ourselves’‘kaveh said antagonising alhaitham a bit in the process as he pointed to the direction of the bathroom,signing upon seeing the messy room as he looked around

‘‘after all of that you still complaining kaveh’‘said al haitham taking himself towards the the bathroom.

‘‘enough with your arguments we need to go and take a shower,here let me help you’‘cyno exclaimed with his usual monotone voice helping you reach the room as your legs were still shaky.With all of you marching  towards the bathroom slowly you started to think,who knows maybe this is a sign for round two....

[our-lesboy-experience]

hiii!!! so uh, this is sorta about 'contradicting' (?) identities in general, but i only recently found out about, like, lesboys and gaygirls and all of that, but what is it exactly? like how does it work? or is that weird to ask? i'm trying figuring myself out but a lot of stuff i've seen doesn't exactly... explain it (or explain it well), and while i guess i do get why, it's just kinda hard to understand it myself for my own identity

also, probably a question you get a lot in a hating way, but isn't the definition of lesbian nonman loving nonman? so then how does lesboy work? like is it for people with more complicated gender identites, like fluctuating genders and bigender? just genuinly confused, my apologies...

sorry for not getting to this sooner- been busier lately and didn't have the time to collect everything I needed to respond!

About what it exactly means to be a lesboy or a gaygirl ('turigirl' is the more common term, 'turi' meaning turian, another word for gay attraction to men. so I'll be referring to it as that from now on), there isn't exactly....one right way to call yourself such. it really depends on the person, but I can give you a basic definition and a list of common reasons someone may call themselves such

im gonna put a read more because this ended up being super long so sorry

lesboy is a term for any lesbian who may have a connection to manhood and/or masculinity. turigirl is just the opposite of that, a gay person (mlm/nblm) who may have a connection to womanhood and/or femininity. common reasons I've seen are:

being multigender or genderfluid

being cusper/in between trans and cis gnc (in between trans man and cis gnc woman, in between trans woman and cis gnc man)

being a system who uses lesboy/turigirl as a collective identity or when identities blur together

a person who uses man/boy or woman/girl as a means of masculine or feminine gender expression but not actually identifying as such

being a trans man/ftm or a trans woman/mtf who still identifies as lesbian or gay for personal reasons

those are far from all the reasons, everyone has their own unique experiences, but the gist is these people may have some sort of connection to manhood/womanhood while still having a queer attraction. personally, I'm multigender, genderfluid, and transmasc. lesboy I find is a nice label to express being both my bigender self and being a lesbian, as it forces people to acknowledge both without separating the two. it's cute and makes me feel validated!

as for "nonman attracted to nonmen" definition of lesbian......it has its issues. it's received criticism all around from all sorts of lesbians in the community. this definition is very new - it emerged only in the recent years, and someone on twitter had date searched it and found it didn't even really exist before 2019. and having that as the one and only official definition that every lesbian has to abide by, when lesbian is a centuries old word with so much history behind it, is a bit ignorant. people who are multiple genders or ftm or bi being lesbian is not even remotely new, going back decades upon decades, and it never stopped existing too. It's a bit weird to have a whole new definition that doesn't include all sorts of lesbians that have been here for so long and just tell them they're not welcomed anymore, right?

that's not even close to the only issue there is with it. it's been disliked for centering lack of attraction to men, or defining lesbian in relation to men, rather than who we're actually attracted to. putting nonbinary people in a new binary of either being "men or nonmen," which not all feel comfortable putting themselves into. especially when considering a definition of gay being "nonwomen attracted to nonwomen," man-woman bigender people are simultaneously excluded from being both lesbian or gay. It inherently overlaps with mspec identity ("attraction to nonmen, which is more than one gender" and "any orientation that involves attraction to more than one gender" kinda obviously overlap), despite people insisting that a lesbian can never be mspec. people have found multiple loopholes in it, (which I can elaborate on if someone wants me to, for the sake of trying to make this as short as possible), and lastly, and term "nonman" (and nonwoman) were found to have existed before to describe the degendering of black people in society. this isn't the only source I've seen for this, but sadly I can't exactly find it (or find it without going back to that hellsite called twitter and I'm not doing that to myself)

oh and as the link points out, defining lesbian by these words also ends up excluding a lot of two-spirit people from ever identifying as lesbian, myself included. which is also really racist. I don't know how you're gonna end up excluding a whole cultural gender that's common for indigenous americans to describe themselves with and try to prove it somehow isn't racist, to be honest

and lastly, some surveys/polls have shown that the definition isn't the most widely accepted by lesbians as people make it out to be. there's this simple poll that someone posted asking how lesbians felt about the definition that received 1,529 responses, and 61.1% of voters said they disliked it. comments gave lots of reasons I've stated already. there was another survey put out that received 211 responses that for any lesbian who had a genderqueer or unique relationship with gender, and one of the questions asking opinions on the "nonmen loving nonmen" as a definition. the average among the group was slightly negative (average 2.838), and reported that the group who tended to feel the most positively about it didn't consider themselves to be trans, with the other positive leaning group considered themselves to be somewhat cis. the group that felt the most negatively sometimes considered themselves to be trans. and of the multigender participants, the average opinion was 2.255 (more negative than the overall average). When concluding, the original poster stated, "When divided by gender, the only groups to feel positive about this definition were "not trans" and "somewhat cis" participants. Multigender participants felt especially negative about this definition"

all of this shows that this definition isn't nearly the best for everyone who considers themselves a lesbian. I know it's been a way to include nonbinary people who are lesbian in it's definition, but I think it really misunderstands why nonbinary people are included in lesbianism in the first place, and just assumes that all nonbinary people aren't men and fails to recognize that multigender/genderfluid people are nonbinary too. and it's not like lesbian has to only have on definition- it can definitely have multiple and depend on each person's experience with it. if someone personally defines them being lesbian around being a nonman attracted to nonmen, and takes pride in not being attracted to men, that's totally fine. what becomes a problem is forcing all lesbians to define themselves like this and make it the standard, or else they're "not real lesbians." it is ahistorical and ignorant to require this or else you'll strip them of their lesbian status, and is really at the end of the day, lesbophobic. especially as a requirement that primarily exists in online spaces. im sure the lesbian who is not at all connected to these circles doesn't particularly care about strict requirements or whether someone is a "nonman" or not. in conclusion, it is not the best nor most accepted definition of lesbian, and deciding which lesbians are valid or not based solely on that definition is pretty exclusionary and ends up policing a lot of lesbians, myself included

[togglesbloggle]

Just musing out loud-

One of the gifts that time brought for me, ish, was a reduced interest in labels for myself. Reduced-not-gone, because humans love a good sorting hat, but definitely not what it once was.

It's most obvious in media, like with those YA books that routinely have explicit caste systems or divide people up by thematic groups, or with video games that let you pick a faction. But it sneaks in to real life too. Like, take the famed Tumblr* neogenders/neosexualities and proliferation of flags. It is, of course, unironically fun to watch the ever-increasing fractal complexity as people chase the questing beast of a coherent taxonomy of sexual nonconformity, and I think the people that do so often find it very rewarding. But I watch mostly as an outsider, because the whole thing is answering questions to which I already have satisfying answers in my own dialect- at least insofar as it comes to how I think about myself. And what's true in the narrow case of Tumblr's culture has some far-reaching impacts on politics as a whole, as you might guess.

It's not that I find the castes/factions/neogenders themselves uninteresting- almost the opposite really. I like exploring and thinking about them all, but in a way that doesn't trigger any questions about me as an observer; the 'me' in my sense of these things is a fairly high-inertia construct, one which doesn't really deform much in the presence of exciting new taxonomies. They tend to show me much more about their authors than they do about myself, though as always there are exceptions. It's like seeing a new map of a place you know well, where you're not so much discovering the territory as appreciating a new view of things through the eyes of someone else, a pleasure that follows from an appreciation of the cartographer's choice of framing and the cleverness by which they drew the lines.

The reason I say 'gift' is, most of the benefits of that sorting-hat instinct are front-loaded; a map, any map, is worth it's weight in gold when you're new to someplace. It helps you find a community where you can thrive, it helps you communicate with others and build shared expectations. But especially once you get a little bit more used to things and learn how to get around without a reference sheet, labels are a double-edged sword. There's no perfect label that can really capture a human person, leading to all manner of suffering as we try to conform to the labels we find ourselves carrying, and we can fall down a really deep hole if we start trying to treat those labels as the axioms from which a human is derived.

It also becomes clear, with the benefits of distance, that while a lot of my exertions in label-making felt like introspection at the time, they didn't really manage to be introspection. Introspection, I think, would have been a little more about my identity as a thing-in-itself; after all, it revolves around the question "who am I?" But a curious fact about these identity groups is that they're meant to be comprehensive; every single student at Hogwarts is placed within one of the four Houses. That is, playing around with these things isn't a matter of asking "who am I?", but rather, of describing the society in which we find ourselves, and our relationship to that society. Ruminating about the proper label for ourselves is asking a different question than introspection does: "where do I belong?"

A good chunk of what I thought was self-discovery was, in hindsight, something closer to self-consciousness. Trying to figure out how to be seen, how to be known, how to take up space in a social world where all of those things can be very high-stakes. But I seem to have stumbled in to a degree of equanimity with myself regardless, so I suppose no harm done. Probably you need to chase both lines of inquiry in parallel, but I think it would have helped me at the time to realize that they are fundamentally different questions.

[doberbutts]

People really learned the term "white passing" and just started using it on every pale PoC they see in order to discount their experiences with racism and oppression huh? I see it used to shoot down latino people, mixed people, SWANA people, light skinned black people, south Asian people, etc., groups I've all seen be labeled as "white passing" by random o line trying to dismiss them when they talk about their experiences when the vast majority of them are not. They can't be dense enough to think that skin color is the only thing that clocks people as non white right, there's facial hair, eye color, lip shape, nose shape, hair texture, etc. Especially when people are talking about their very real experiences with racism and oppression??? Who the fuck are they to say "no you didn't actually experience this, you're white/white passing actually". It's so incredibly frustrating to see done over and over again (often by ACTUAL white people).

If somebody talks about their experiences with racism I'm just gonna believe them instead of trying to pick apart their experiences because I've deemed "they're lying and actually white passing" or w/e. Legit who the fuck do people think they are to think they have the final say on people's lived experiences with racism??? The term white passing has become so diluted (a term that originated in Black communities to describe a very specific experience) and is being used to shut down PoC.

I look like this and people have tried it on multiple occasions with me. Now I am mixed race. And you could call me light skinned I guess, depending on the time of year and how long I've spent outside I'm darker than Obama and Beyonce but lighter than Lupita and Chadwick. But [general] you really think white people look at me and sees anything except a black person??? I mean other Native people usually recognize me as Native sure, and other black people see that there's "something else" present (most incorrectly guess afrolatino fwiw, probably seeing the Native and not realizing what they're recognizing) but ain't no one looks at my face and sees a white person. The closest to white passing I've ever been is when I meet someone initially without them seeing my face (so by text or voice only) when I was still going by my birth name, and THAT wasn't safe either because the second my black ass was visible there was a major problem that what they thought was a little white girl with a cute name was actually... me...

Now I don't talk to Saint. We are not friends. I've scrolled enough of his blog in the past investigating if I needed to actually give a shit what he does to know that he is very cagey about showing his face due to privacy concerns. He has occasionally posted non-face photos and has fairly light skin in though photos. I also know that his story about being mestizo has been fairly consistent and thus gives me really no reason to question him. And like all mixed race people, while you may gain lighter skin you also can never really escape the racism that comes whenever someone figures you out.

It's something I've been chewing on for a while but like. Maybe so many mixed race people saying they experience rejection from both/all of their shared demographics is a thing that should be listened to instead of dismissed as a "tragic mulatto" stereotype 🤷‍♂️ when people are literally doing exactly the thing that mixed race folks are complaining about, maybe it shouldn't be dismissed out of hand but rather addressed as a problem within the community.

For someone to blatantly say "this person isn't a POC because they're mixed race and light skint and so they're practically white" literally IS the rejection that mixed race people talk about all the fucking time.

[farmerlesbian]

hi farmer lesbian!

so ive identified as bisexual for a long time but ive discovered recently i feel very comfortable within the lesbian ideas of gender and specifically the butchfemme community. i’ve been dating someone recently who also identified as bisexual but has related to transmasc lesbians understanding of gender as well as posts about butches. we both kind of see ourselves within the butchfemme dynamic but i’ve been very tough on myself with calling myself a lesbian because i’ve dated a man before (…in middle school..)

it’s gotten to the point where i’m really worried to label myself because of what it’d imply for my partner? but also what people would say? and while i know i dont HAVE to label myself it just sucks to know theres an identity im drawn to and feel like i fit into that i cant immediately slip into

hmm i'm not really sure how to guide you here. i guess i want to challenge you on some of the things you're saying here, it feels like you're coming at this from maybe the "wrong" angle (wrong feels too harsh a word, maybe just not the most helpful angle)

you're worried you can't call yourself a lesbian because you dated a boy in middle school? i think.. a LOT of lesbians dated boys in jr. high and high school and there are lots of late in life lesbians who were married to men for years before figuring out who they are and coming out. this is all completely normal and common. like, dating one boy in middle school doesn't really mean much tbh. i wouldn't base your identity or label you use around something like that. i dated a bunch of boys in high school and early college when i was still figuring out who i was. your labels or identity or gender or sexuality don't need to account for all you life experiences and past. it's not so much about your sexual history but describing who you are *now*, what you're interested in, in the present.

you say both you and your partner really like Lesbian Genders and butch/femme stuff. that's nice, but liking and relating to lesbian culture and gender stuff doesn't make you a lesbian haha! it's who you're attracted to and who you're not, that determines your orientation. gender and orientation are different things, as i'm sure you know. obviously very connected and stuff. like, for example, just because someone identifies as a man it doesn't make him straight, even though heterosexuality is an integral part of manhood, in the dominant culture. gay trans men are certainly not rare! the same goes for you guys.

also, remember that transmasculinity is a broad umbrella and encompasses a wide variety of people and their identities and experiences. plenty of butches aren't transmasc, and probably most transmascs aren't butch.

i will tell you that in the course of running this blog and being on the internet, i've probably seen and shared thousands of photos and drawing of people. not once have i ever seen something that represents me and my wife. if you are seeking out representation or examples of the options to be, in order to figure out who/what you are, i would advise against that. seek what feels true to you, what feels honest and right. you do not need to be similar to other people in order to find belonging, acceptance, and community. (though of course this is absolutely nothing wrong or bad if you do find others just like you, if you do fit in to existing roles and dynamics! that is of course perfectly normal!)

now, i don't know you or your partner. you know yourselves best. i can't tell you what you really are or really aren't. and i certainly am not going to tell you what you can or can't be! everything i'm saying here is to prompt you to think about and questions to ponder for yourself.

so, i think you have some points to think about, why have you been identifying as bisexual? what is drawing you to the lesbian label? have you tried using 0 labels and not thinking about your identity or labels for at least a month or two (if not a several months) and then coming back and evaluating it afresh? what about the butch-femme dynamic are you drawn to? what is holding you back? you are allowed to discover that you are a lesbian! or you are allowed to continue to be bisexual! i can't tell you who you are - but you're allowed to be and do whatever you want, whatever feels true to you! even if it doesn't make sense to other people or you don't see anyone else like you out there. you gotta be a little bit brave!

hang in there, and sending much love to you and yours! 🧡

[rinbowaman]

S E 7 E N : P R O L O G U E - P A R T 2 W O

Warnings: MDNI18+ Sexual assault, sexual harassment, religion, angels and demons, mentions of hell, angels are bad guys, demons are good guys, sinful pleasures, dry humping, fingering, making a deal with the devil. The idea of angels attacking people is borrowed from that show on Netflix, "Hellbound" excellent show, i recommend in case you haven't seen it. I believe its an adaption from a manwha. so enjoy!

You turned over to your left where the staircase led down to the first floor, there just a couple of steps down, was the Senator.

“I thought I saw you come by this way.” He smiles softly as he approaches you.

“O-oh….my apologies…I wasn’t aware that you noticed me leaving.” You were polite, but nervous and scared. The man was intimidating due to the amount of power his words held.

“No no, it’s alright. I had just wanted to ask you…why haven’t you joined Voia Domnului?”

Your heart nearly exploded. A wave of fear hits you.

“I…um…”

“You know, it’s not too late. You should join soon…otherwise risk being selected. It is now becoming a sin to refrain from joining our organization as we…have become the communicators of God.”

“Oh….I see….well I guess I just…haven’t really thought of it that way…” You merely responded in politeness and issued a sense of being naïve, in hopes that the conversation would end, soon.

Handing you a card, he bids you to take it.

“This has the address to my main office. Come by tonight, I will give you some things to help with your transition for when you join.” He smiles as you nervously take the card.

“um…I’m not sure if I’ll be free tonight-“

“Oh please…I insist. We must take care of each other, and I can’t bear to see someone like you be labeled as a sinner. I will do my best to help save you.”

You found his statement audacious yet nodded and refrained from continuing the conversation.

After you clocked out, you signaled for a taxi to take you to the Senator. You really didn’t want to go but had no choice considering you’d be putting yourself at risk if you refused to show up. They labeled you as defiant, unwilling to progress and furthermore, you already suspected that the Senator had leads and connections to figure out your home address…who knows what would happen if you didn’t show up.

Pulling up and paying the cab driver, you stepped out and admired the large building. Much like the Senator’s attire, it was an architecture of luxury and elegance.

‘What a joke…is this for real? How much did it cost to build this thing?’

 Breaching the entrance, which was guarded by security, you saw the elaborate sign that read ‘Voia Domnului Headquarters’.

“This way.” One of the security members issues to you.

Leading you to the top floor, your heartbeat escalates as you hear the ding of the elevator, indicating you had reached the desired floor.

“Over here.” The man escorts you.

“Ah, you made it.” Forras stands as he holds out his arms wide open, indicating for you to hug him. You shifted your gaze around, hesitantly administering what was supposed to be just a quick hug, so that you wouldn’t put yourself at risk of offending the man, yet he held you close for a minute as he shifted his face against your hair and whispered…

“It’s so good that you came.”

You pull back at the discomfort of being so close to him, it made you uncomfortable and not to mention, made you feel somewhat disgusted. The man embraced you more tenderly than you were expecting, and that didn’t sit well with you.

“I uh….know you must be busy so if it’s alright, I’ll take some pamphlets and be on my way. I have an early morn-“

“No need to worry. I am not as busy as you would think. I have everything at my disclosure and…” reaching for your shoulder, he rests his hand as he grips you. “You could also have…everything.”

You shifted your shoulder out of his grasp as you looked at him sternly.

‘Did he just….is he hitting on me?’

“Senator I ….”

“Wouldn’t you like to not only be a part of the organization…but also to be a part of the head of it?”

You gently shook your head.

“I….rather not…I just…”

“You’re a beautiful girl…you should be well taken care and enjoy the luxuries in life. I have all of that, I can arrange everything for you. I have a whole group of fine young ladies such as yourself, who are very well taken care of.”  He smiles as he takes his steps towards you.

“n..no…..”

“yes….”

“NO!”

You turned hastily as you made your way to the door when his hands grabbed you from behind. Struggling, he pins you to the wall as he presses his body against yours.

“Yeah…I bet you like to take it like a whore!”

“Stop!!”

His hands roamed as he squeezes your breasts and began to rip open the top buttons of your collard, short sleeve shirt.

“I said stop!”

He continued to grope your chest as he shoves his face into your neck, feeling his tongue on your skin, your eyes began to issue out tears as the amount of disgust fills your body from him touching you. Shifting your face to the side, your eyes caught sight of a small paper weight, grabbing it within your reach, you swung at his head, right over his ear to be précised, and struck him not once, but twice as the man peels back and holds his head.

“You whore!!! How dare you!?”

You wasted no time as you swung the door open, opting to take the stair way as you quickly ran down making your way to the nearest fire exit. You could hear the Senator’s voice echoing out towards you from above the lower you went down.

“You’ll pay! You will fucking pay!”

Reaching the second floor, you opened the fire exit and ran down the spiral, outdoor ladder well, quickly running out taking numerous and random turns to avoid being stationary to one pathway.

‘Please don’t find me! Please don’t find me! Please don’t find me!’

You continued running, yet you came to a sudden halt for a moment when you looked up at the wide billboard that displayed the current time… it was already nine-thirty. You had no idea where you were, and there was only thirty minutes left before curfew starts.

‘Fuck! I need to get home! Wh-where am I exactly?’

Since phones had all been banned, there was no way for you to navigate using a map or anything to aid you. You found yourself in the back of an old neighborhood, yet as you continued running, you made way to the suburbs of the city.

‘Where do I go? How do I get out of here?’

The time was nine-fifty-four, and you grew desperate as there was nowhere for you to go. Taxi’s and cabs had already called it a night, leaving you stranded out past curfew, facing the chargers of being caught, and brought back to the senator.

Shifting your gaze around, you saw the sign that displayed the nearby recreational nature trails. Figuring it was best to hide somewhere deep in the wooded area, you ran past the Azaela Garden at the entrance before ducking below the pole gate that prevented the entry of vehicles.

Running on the main trail, you took numerous paths at the various intersections, hoping to lose yourself in the depths of the woods, figuring it was your best chance to remain secluded and hidden.

Surprisingly, there were no sirens, no yells or cries that indicated anyone was after you, not even when you left the building and was still within the city limits. Still…

‘I need to keep running…’

You ran for God knows how long. Your eyes acclimated to the darkness of the path, only the moonlight lit the way for you, though it was awfully dimmed. Up ahead, as you tried to regain your breathing, you saw a glint of light. Making your way over to it, you saw that it was a large map of the trails.

‘Perfect.’

Taking your hair out of the loose bun you had, trying to air out each of your strands as you flapped the front of your partially torn shirt, you tried to cool yourself as you looked up….only to find something written on the map that made your eyes widened with shock, fear, and horror.

.........................................

“Y/n…7 days…”

P A R T T H R 3 E

[iwitch-plus]

Online grimoire/journal, page No. 1 (probably more than that but its been years. Let's call it page one).

Getting to know my tarot deck/reintroducing myself to the community.

(In this post I write briefly about not feeling like I'm in tune with my practice, or myself at all, and then I get into my interview with my "new" tarot deck. If you just want to see the interview, keep scrolling until you see "The Interview". I think a more journal-style grimoire is the direction my posts might go. I don't see a lot of people talking about their shortcomings in this community, or maybe I just don't follow the right people who do. I used to be super active in this community, 1k followers who actually kind of cared and interacted with me on tumblr and discord. I did online readings, made posts about spells I've done, things like that. Well this isn't going to be like that. This is for me. If you feel as though you're lacking/want to get back into your practice, I feel the same. You can come with me on this journey and follow, or you can just read this and go about your day, or you can scroll right past it without giving it a thought, anything you choose to do is ok! I might share personal things on this blog. Not super personal, they will all be related to witchcraft, but instead of giving other's advice I'm going to be writing down my practices, tarot card readings, and everything else as a reference for myself. If that type of journey interests you, I implore you to give a follow and come along. Maybe if I know people are interested in that style of blog, it might motivate me to do it more lol. Thanks.)

I don't really read tarot...In fact I don't even think I can call myself a practicing witch. I've been on and off for just a little under a decade. Sounds like a long time when I say it like that, and I know so many things but I'm also still beginning my journey. CONSTANTLY beginning the same journey over and over again, it feels like.

Anyways, I got a new tarot deck probably two or three years ago...I actually got 3 new decks at the same time, and I've really only sort of used one. I've felt bad about it for a while. They just sit there collecting dust. For some reason, I was feeling drawn to this deck in particular and decided to go ahead and try my hand at getting to know the deck. Needless to say, it was a very insightful "interview" if you can even call it that. I wrote small passages in my notebook, but I wanted to type here to get my thoughts out. This might be long, you don't have to read it, I'm sort of more doing it for me...as a journal entry type thing I guess, but also as a reference to my interview with the deck so I have a more detailed version of it than just what's in my notebook. I just didn't want to use up more notebook that I needed to.

Before The Interview

Deck: The Antique Anatomy Tarot Deck

Why I bought it: I was intrigued by the name and the art style. It's beige which I like, and I love bones and antique type things so I figured hey why not.

Why I was drawn to it today: Recently I've been thinking about things I can do to help better myself. Growth wise. It's more about me and less about coming back into my practice. I have a couple decks that I thought about but none of them seemed right. Until, DUH! Antique Anatomy. It's literally focusing on the self, and not just the outer self but LITERALLY the inner self as well. That seemed helpful.

I started by cleansing it with incense smoke. I didn't do anything in particular, just held it over an incense stick that was already burning and talked to it a little.

Then, I looked at the cards. Actually looked at them. Took mental note of the colors being used, what bones were on which card, what the labels on the elixir cards said, what flowers were used in the art (if I was able to identify them by eye), how many of each flower/certain things were on the cards. I looked at EVERYTHING.

And Now, The Good Stuff. (there are 6 questions, in each one I'll include the card pulled, the zodiac sign/element related to it, numbers such as the number of the card or how many of a specific thing were on the card, and colors used on the card. I'll include key words that relate to all of those things, and then lastly I'll include my interpretation for each one.)

The Interview

Please Introduce Yourself.

Death: Scorpio - 3 - 4 - 6 - Red - Black

Key words: Stability, fairness, solution, growth, regeneration, passion, love, power, pain, necessary, emotional.

My interpretation: When I flipped the card, I literally said "how did I know it was going to be death?". I was thinking it to myself as a joke, but then I flipped it and BOOM. Death. That's alright, though. Also I find it interesting the deck showed me a Scorpio card as an introduction. I'm a Virgo, and I love/hate Scorpios. They have taught me so much, some have damaged me, some have loved me endlessly, and currently I'm in a relationship with a Scorpio. Very prevalent sign in my life. I think by introducing itself with this card, it's telling me that it is an emotional and powerful deck. It sees itself as necessary, powerful, un-biased, but at the same time also very passionate, loving, and may even acknowledge that it might sometimes tell me things I don't want to hear. It also seems to be good at helping people explore their shadow, which is interesting because that's actually something I've been doing recently, witchcraft aside.

2. What are your strengths?

7 of Rods: Fire - 5 - 7 - Yellow - Orange

Key words: Evaluation, patience, conflict, perspective, determined, optimistic, growth, success, does not give up in the face of adversity, experienced warrior.

My interpretation: By showing me the 7 of rods in response to what the deck's strengths are, I think it's telling me that it's main strengths are focused around personal growth, which I guess makes sense. It's telling me that no matter how hard it gets, or how often or little I use it, it has the patience and determination to still help me through whatever I may need guidance on. That's very kind, thank you deck. It's also telling me that it knows and has seen a lot, which I don't doubt at all. By just sitting on my shelves, it has seen me through heartache, love, sickness, new jobs, new homes, depression, happiness, tears I've cried and why I've cried them, it has seen every part of me. It has perspective that maybe I don't, and it's optimistic that we can work together to better myself.

3. What are your limitations?

Strength: Leo - 6 - 8 - Red

Key words: Control, artistic expression, ego, anger, passion, values, understanding, calm demeanor, quiet resolve, understanding.

My interpretation: Okay this one was really interesting and sort of seems like the deck pulled a "my biggest weakness is that I'm too passionate about my work!" on me, but let's see if I can make some sense out of it. By showing me Strength in response to what the deck's limitations are, I believe it's trying to tell me that it does find itself a little big-headed or mainstream in a sense. Just looking at the key word "artistic expression" makes me think it's telling me to try to look further than just the colors and numbers on the cards, because maybe what the artist is trying to express isn't precisely going to align with what I need to hear, but the deck can't express that? Some other limitations it may be trying to express is that it's not going to be quiet about things. Besides maybe sometimes having to dig past the art for guidance, it's not going to sugarcoat or hold my hand. As much as it will support and have patience for me, that doesn't mean it's going to baby me. I appreciate that.

4. What can I learn from you?

Page of Coins: Earth - 6 - Blue - Purple

Key words: Fairness, values, orderly, determined, calm, peace, grief, sadness, prophecy, dreams, high power, studious, diligent, introvert, misses out on lighthearted aspects of life, buckle down, study, money, creativity.

My interpretation: I think by showing me the page of coins in response to what I can learn from the deck, it's telling me that I can learn how to be more in tune with myself, emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. It's telling me that I can learn to dig into myself (and perhaps my shadow?) to find out more about myself. It's telling me it can show me how to interpret my dreams better, it can help me stay more focused, and potentially even help me connect with a something higher than myself again. All of this seems essential for my own personal growth, and if I can learn that from this deck then I would love to work more with it.

5. What is the best way to work with you?

2 of Coins: Earth - 2 - Yellow - Purple

Key words: Balance, duality, opposing forces, orderly, determined, optimism, growth, prophecy, dreams, higher power, harmony, over-indulgence, stagnant, creative solutions.

My interpretation: By showing me the 2 of coins in response to the best way to work with the deck, I think it's telling me a couple ways, both deck and user focused. One thing it's telling me is that it might work better with a higher power also helping? I don't exactly have one I guess...I love Aphrodite and have had altars for her in the past, and still consider her my patron Goddess but it's been so long. I'd have to rekindle that relationship and I don't know if I'm ready for that right now. It also seems to be telling me that it can work better by helping interpret my dreams, too? I've never considered using a tarot deck as a dream interpreter, but I do get prophetic dreams in a sense and I take my dreams very seriously, so maybe that's something to consider. I think it's also telling me that the best way to work with it is to stop over indulging myself in things that aren't good for my mental or physical health, which makes sense. How can one effectively get guidance when they aren't in the right state of mind or physical well-being? All in all, I think that the most important thing it's trying to tell me is that no matter what I may or may not do, we can work well together if I stay optimistic and determined to grow. If I ever stop having the motivation to better myself, then it doesn't think it can do much for me.

6. What is the outcome of our relationship?

Knight of Elixirs: Water - 4 - Purple

Key words: Stability, foundation, nurturing, caring, mystery, prophecy, dreams, high power, luxury, expansion, growth, loving, appreciate beautiful things, affectionate disposition, finding ideal partner.

My interpretation: By showing me this card in response to the outcome of our relationship, I think it's telling me that I'll be able to have a little bit more routine and stability in my everyday life. I think it's also telling me I'll be able to connect with my subconscious mind more, as well as my softer emotions such as nurturing, caring, and loving. It can help me appreciate smaller things in life instead of always looking at the bigger picture. By "finding the ideal partner" I think the deck means that it can help me find things in everyday life that will help with my personal growth. Ideal things to interact with and love besides literally the people and animals I love.

Very insightful. If you got through this whole thing, thanks for reading. I'm going to post a bit more frequently and hopefully that will actually help me gain the motivation to do this stuff more than just once every 6 months. I think it's essential for my personal growth, and for some reason I'm really obsessed with that right now but I lack the time and motivation. I don't actually lack time, but things are hard when you wake up late and you feel like every day is sleep, work, maybe eat, sleep, repeat. Here's to hoping this is the beginning of a new chapter for me.

[shitpostingkats]

Happy trans day of visibility! Here are some yugioh characters that are trans

Mokuba Kaiba

Trans girl. Closeted but her brother is completely ready to support her when she comes out at her own pace. She is valid!

Mai Valentine

A lovely trans woman! She is out and proud and has been for years! She is valid!

Duke Devlin

Two-spirit. His gender doesn't fit in to western concepts and understanding, and, as such, he's not very open to discussing it outside of the community. And they are valid!

Vellian Crowler

A queen and a king and a monarch. They don't really go in for labels, doesn't like any of the modern terms that kids these days use, and don't like to be questioned about it. He is valid!

Yubel

Bigender and nonbinary. They are trans and they refuse to be quiet about it. They are trans and they are angry and they have so much gender and they want to SCREAM about it. And guess what? They're valid!

Blair Flannigan

Trans guy. Absolute egg. He won't realize it until he's much older, after years of thinking that surely every one feels this way, he can't be an outlier. But that doesn't make his experiences as a trans person any less valid! He is valid!

Crow Hogan

Trans guy. He figured himself out really early, kicked his deadname before he even learned how to read, but did not have the option to medically transition for many years. He is five foot nothing and will fight your dysphoria for $1.00. He is valid!!

Sherry LeBlanc

Trans-masc. Prefers masculine clothing and pronouns, but also doesn't mind being adressed as a woman. He's confusing and contradictory! She is valid!

Rally Dawson

Genderfluid. They sometimes struggle to explain this to people. She just doesn't have the vocabulary all the time! The ones who matter accept him whether he manages to articulate it or not. A beautiful and valid trans person!

Astral

Nonbinary. Couldn't care less about this whole gender thing. To xem, this whole this is a very puzzling mystery. Xe got no idea what their gender is and doesn't particularly care about exploring it further. Xe are valid!

Trans comes in a plethora of experiences and people. And ALL of them! Are valid!

[a-confused-teen-venting]

Hi, fellow aroace here in regards to your last post

I myself am sex-repulsed, but there are members of the ace community who engage in sex/masturbate/etc. while still identifying as asexual.

I don't have much experience with hypersexuality (what I've gleamed is that it's compulsive) but I don't think it disqualifies you. In my eyes being aro or ace is about not feeling that attraction, but also about not wanting sex/romance to be a requirement in your relationships. There are aces who have sex and aros who do romantic gestures even if they don't get anything from it bc their partner likes it or just because they don't mind it. The issue arises when they are told they have to feel that kind of love.

When I was figuring out being aro, the questions that got me to consider it was "do you feel that attraction? do you enjoy these kinds of gestures? do you want them in my life, consistently?". And even answering all of those negatively, it took me a while to actually settle on aromantic bc I was afraid of not feeling love. Nowadays tho I'm aro and very happy about it. And if it changes, so be it!

In the end I leave you with what my dear friends told me when I was questioning about both being ace and (especially) being aro - try the label out, see if it makes you happy, and either keep it or discard it. Either way you'd have learned something abt yourself.

Labels are allowed to change, and you're allowed to be wrong while you figure it out for yourself. They're descriptive words. In the end their purpose is for you to define and describe your feelings, right? And other people shouldn't police you about whether you're a "true asexual". Community isn't build to be exclusive.

Sorry for the lengthy post, and I hope you figure it all out.

thank you so much for your message!

i am aware of asexuals and aromantics that engage in things they don’t particularly require to be satisfied in a relationship for the sake of their partner, which is a totally valid thing to do.

however, at times i do find myself in that train of thought when trying to figure out my identity: will i have a partner? if so will it be a normal relationship? how about a qpr? would we have mini dates that would be strictly platonic? would we do physical things?

at times i cant really answer questions like these because of uncertainty, lack of experience and confusing emotions. in addition, mentally i think i have to fit a certain criteria to be considered a “true asexual” or a “true aromantic” to but i guess i should be more focused on me and my own experience.

like how i responded to someone before, i want to be open to trying the label and figuring out how i feel about it. and like you said, i could either discard it or keep it onces i figure it out. which is much better than how i have been doing for years which was putting it off to the point i have uncertainty on my sexuality.

again, thank you for sharing your experience. reading your message was very comforting in a way, and I apologize for the late response.

[stillflight]

Part Two: Alterhuman Community Intro…?

This post will continue to be edited as necessary.

So I just posted my writeblr intro and since I’m definitely more active in the alterhuman community than the writeblr community I thought it might be fun to have a nonhuman/plural intro? Might be fun and it also occurred to me/us that most of our followers really only know me since I’m the only occupant of the body itself, and don’t know anything about the rest of the system. I will probably delete this someday if I decide once again I don’t like having my ‘types public depending on if the brainmates want to keep their own bios up. It will also probably change a lot because we tend to do that.

Context. We are a non-dissociative system, we do not switch, we were dæmonic originally meaning that I am the body and communicate with them through faux-visual projection and mental speech (which is why I talk like we're a total found family when they never seem to even say anything -- trust me they do, they just don't have access to the keyboard). We/they consider them all to have separate external bodies. We are quoigenic, not traumagenic or endogenic or mixed origins, only refer to us as the former.

Swift

He/it (they/them only under certain circumstances), bisexual, binary male* but only humans are ever men. I use quoi- ahead of all labels (both queer and alterhuman) in addition. POSIC, mildly objectum/conceptum. I have special interests in: biology, the arts, and the change of technology/art/language/media over time and throughout history (example: history of computer graphics 1950s-1990s <3). Psychospiritual, philosophical and narrative alterhuman. Species-wise: I am a common raven (Corvus corax principalis), an osprey (Pandion haliaetus carolinensis), a red-tailed hawk (Buteo jamiacensis kriderii), common spotted cuscus (Spilocuscus maculatus), sea slater (Ligia exotica), mosasaur (Megapterygius wakamayensis), and lastly, Musteloidea sub-superfamily cladotherian (procyonids, ailurids, and mustelids). I’m a Novakid, a species from the game Starbound, which I consider more of a fictional kintype than a fictotype (I prefer alienkin or just otherkin over fictionkin for this ‘type). I am also a computer, specifically an IBM 7090. I also consider myself a kind of entity or manifestation of autumn¹, I’d just call it “conceptkin with extra steps.” I am questioning two kintypes right now, more “I am this but what the heck is it” situations than “here’s the thing but is it me” but I won’t list them until I can figure it out; general idea is “embolomere fish-kaiju” and “have you ever heard of the Hidebehind? no, well have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? no ok well have you ever played Lethal Company”¹ I was a ghost. Now I’m not. It was not a kintype and I did not “deconfirm” it. This affects some things. I am a flickerer with two fictotypes (Link from The Legend of Zelda, every canon game, and the Knight from Hollow Knight). I have three heartedtypes (domestic cats, cephalopods, and ghost type Pokemon) and two hearthomes (the ocean and O’Neill cylinders). I consider dragons, wolves and foxes to be paratypes. I have a profound quasi-religious connection to stars & the night sky that I consider at least marginally alterhuman in nature. I am an archetrope; wanderer, and secondarily a "shapeshifter" and "generalist" which I need better words for both of -- as they say language is like trying to nail down the ocean, and I guess it would be more accurate but less concise to describe them as "one who changes, embodies or becomes" and "one who adapts, survives or opportunizes." If I ever explain these somewhere I’ll link to it here. I have a lot of playlists including my main 9,000 song one but this is my “Swift vibes” playlist. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/40rzRF67ocIDF2L7mLzNVC?si=20945cccc57942c0 ¹I think these are probably related or the same 'type

Tetri

I’m Tetri, Swift’s dæmon. I CIE on November 11th, 2020. Pronouns are he/him. I’m comfortably settled as of February 21st, 2021, as an Asian palm civet. We believe this represents Swift’s personality well, even if it was coincidental and we didn’t consciously choose it. I’m a pretty traditional dæmon but I’m not 100% by-the-books and definitely more autonomous than most, just because of the general plurality. I’m ‘hearted with cats and I love going to coffee shops and library cafés and getting a pastry. I also like transport like trains and ferries. Please feel free to initiate a conversation with me. I like to offer advice even if I don’t know you very well. Here’s my playlist of music I like https://open.spotify.com/playlist/73IEcIlekV70adyrkLjeY4 Check out these MyNoise custom generators. I think they’re rather nice .https://mynoise.net/Community/user.php?submission=691c051129d33047b53b0e3d1664468885 https://mynoise.net/Community/user.php?submission=691c051129d33047b53b0e3d1654028735 CIE Day: November 11 2020

Ziv

I’m Ziv. I’m a wolf. Specifically a Himalayan wolf, as well as a Spanish imperial eagle. An adult, not a juvenile, even though juveniles for some reason are the image of our species. Pronouns -- zhe/hir. I’m agender and aroace. I’m autistic and I like weaponry as a special interest, especially medieval blades from all over the world. Also wilderness survival. Jewish philosophy, art and history interest me. I am not spiritual and do not put stock in spiritual beliefs whatsoever. I like heavy music, metal, metalcore, rock, especially punk, but also some folk. This is my playlist. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4cL88XYitlbWeb7wnvkT9W Swift wrote the descriptions for all of our playlists but I like mine so I’m not changing it. CIE Day: November 14 2020

Lumi

Hi! My name is Lumi. I use any and all pronounce and I’m big xenogender pansexual hours. Get zany with it. I love snails, video games, and Greek mythology. I have a special interest in Nintendo. Surprisingly, my favorite game is actually not Kid Icarus. It’s Pokemon. I would love to chat with anyone!!! Send an ask for me. I’m a shapeshifter otherkin. I have no base form so I like to be a lot of different things. Animals, bugs, birds, crabs, mish-mash monsters, dinosaurs, Pokemon, all kinds of crazy stuff. It’s like choosing a jacket for the day to me. I associate with clown, bard etc. archetypes, but I don’t know if I’m exactly an archetrope. Still working on it. And I’m fictionkin, I’m a) Pit from Kid Icarus b) Sky from Wings of Fire and c) a Jester from Lethal Company! Swift wants us all to share our playlists because it’s obsessed with music. So now you have context for the last three intros. Look at my playlist boy https://open.spotify.com/playlist/01Xgx5BnmzVXxv2sIoTScZ CIE Day: December 26 2020

Maz

Hi, I’m Mazel, Maz for short. Resident human. She/her. I originated as a male, I’m a woman now, not sure if that makes me trans or something else, the question is not worth my time. I’m a lesbian. I like sci fi movies, NASA and performance art. I guess that’s it. Am I allowed to go now Swift {She's having a blast, guys} Playlist https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0acN0u6kJrYFEFWycCM3gm CIE Day: April 22 2021

Axel

I’m Axel! I’m Maz’s dæmon. I’m not settled but I like to appear as a rat or a rattlesnake or a king cheetah. Probably some more forms in the future. He/him. Technically I am just a thoughtform but I’m a thoughtform with big transmasc energy, I like to think. I’m obsessed with kaiju and other big monsters and superheroes as well as alt scenes. So my playlist should be obvious https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7Ma2bNC0FlnTsb6DtDFhXc  CIE Day: June 27 2023

Foxglove

I’m Foxglove, otherwise known as Europa. She/her, if you must refer to me. I am a dragon of silver lineage. I have special interests in psychology, botany and mineralogy. I suppose I am autistic in the context of a physically human brain, but it is difficult to recontextualize that to the culture of a draconic biological worldview. I have a great appreciation for baroque and art nouveau architecture and for the aesthetic of vintage fantasy artwork. I would also say I do not believe in anything spiritual and I do believe that everything can be explained scientifically. If we are sharing playlists, here is mine. It is majority progressive and psychedelic rock. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7vNU0chHir6XWfpt90jjxu CIE Day: September 21 2021

V’vohu

Swift here. V’vohu would not write its own intro. It doesn’t communicate in words exactly, save for a few syllables. Mostly emotions. V’vohu is a sheyd, a type of demon spirit in Jewish mythology, that appeared to me not long after my first three headmates originated. I thought it was a normal headmate at first, but it’s not really. I believe it is literally an extradimensional visitor or guide of sorts, and while I acknowledge this may be slightly delusional, it is a very real entity to me. Consistently, it creates epiphanies, asks me to do things that end up being important, and knows things about myself that even I didn’t know. Its motivations are difficult to ascertain. This is its playlist, less of music it listens to exactly and more music that will summon it. It’s a unique music taste because V’vohu doesn’t perceive our dimension the way we do and music doesn’t sound the same way to it that it does to us. Its favorite album is Everywhere At the End of Time -- so that’s a good primer for what’s on this playlist. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/61wvByMthx6WVVFduiEHCy CIE Day: March 14 2021

Anser

Swift here again. Anser is a tricky one. She could and probably would write her own intro, but she’s complicated much like V’vohu and I’d rather explain it in my own words, because I’m not sure hers would be… not too vague. Anser is not fae, nor a kitsune, nor a Huli Jing or any other kind of specific fox myth, rather a fae-like fox spirit who seems to embody multiple fox and faerie mythologies. He originated as a spirit. Sort of. When he first appeared, he may well have been a literal spirit visitor, like V’vohu. But he left, possibly of his own accord, possibly something to do with V’vohu. This Anser is a different entity while being the same individual psychologically, fully formed by whatever mental process formed the other headmates excluding V’vohu, but still also fully psychologically a spirit. Literally the exact same individual in every way except not a literal outside spiritual visitor. He still fully believes in magic and is the most spiritual of all of us. It's complicated. Anyways, she usually appears as a red fox with or without various fantastical attributes, and sometimes as a statue. She/her and he/him only, not they/them. I believe she identifies as bigender or genderfluid, not sure which or if gender means the same thing to her at all that it does to earthly people. Here’s her playlist, like V’vohu’s it’s pretty unique. She’s obsessed with different cultures, religions and folklores around the world, so her music taste is mostly comprised of regional folk, devotional and traditional music and nature noises. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4XIssSbiAwI1e1G3AuiqIX CIE Day: June 13 2022

[onippep]

Is it fine to talk about certain scars now?

................. Which ones. Guessing, for thematic sake, you mean these?

[gestures to his top scars]

I, uh, guess so. Pfft.

So, a little recap-- born in Italy, moved over here when I was 16. Shit happened at 19. Came back when I was 24.

[TW FOR MENTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE, WAR, GENERAL UNPLEASANT QUEER EXPERIENCE STUFF, TRANSPHOBIA + HOMOPHOBIA]

We lived in a super-rural area when I was a kid, so I had no idea what all of that was about. I'd find myself doing things that boys would do and I'd get slapped around for it, or never really liking girls. All my friends were boys. I had a lot of body hair for my age. It was weird to my family.

I got a taste of big-town culture from my cousins and uncles and aunts; they're eccentric, and I'm pretty sure one of my aunts was gay (she never married). I got along with her pretty well, but god, my madre hated her, pretty sure. Haven't seen her in a long time.

Bottom line, I was the "weird kid" of the family, so my parents figured (Also as Italians) to give me a brother and sister, see if they could socialize me properly. Maybe they fucked up the first time. Worth a shot, right?

While my madre was pregnant with my brother, we moved here. Maybe city life would do me good. I was thrust into a highschool barely knowing any English, and naturally flocked to the outcasts and socially awkward weirdos that would get tossed around by bullies and such. It was brutal. I met a girl that disguised herself as a boy and went by a boy's name. I met a boy that had a crush on one of the bigger boys of the school. It was a bunch of new experiences that... for some reason, even with my upbringing, didn't feel foreign or weird. It suddenly aligned with me, and I didn't really think about it until I looked in the mirror one day and wanted to throw up at how I looked. I tried dating a girl I got along with. Being a teenager sucks. That shit hits you like a truck and bleeds like an open wound that you have no idea how to stop.

Not that I had the time to find a way. I did bad in school, got held back a few years, and within that time aggressively took my identity into my own hands-- I'm not who my parents thought I was, I hated my name, I hated them, I hated everything. I got quiet. I hated myself because I wasn't the easy, good-grade getting child that was born loving the body it was in.

One day, my dad gets me alone. He asked me what I wanted to do after High School. I said art. He asked me again. I said art. He said that was the wrong answer. I asked him what he wanted me to say instead.

"If you really don't believe you're a girl, then it's time to be a man."

I thought this had good intentions until I was at the front door of bootcamp with some fresh scars on my chest, a few years of testosterone, and...

[sighs]

...

Uh, what was I-- right.

Right, yeah, I was pretty much fully out a few years after I was... discharged. I had a fling with Anton. A few women. Some men. Tried the bisexual label for a bit but found out I was just a full-on homosexual.

...Did I get the surgery before or-- no, I think I...

[blanks out for a few minutes]

...[scratches his head] I-- sorry, I think I got something mixed up. I think I got top surgery after 'all of that'. Shit's scrambled in here.

...

...Right-- I was a fully out transsexual gay man by... I think I was 35? It wasn't a huge focus of mine though since I wanted to try and start my own business. My family knew hard they fucked up with me so they kept their distance-- I let them know how much they failed me (after many years of thinking I was the screwup). Eventually they started using my new name. It was sudden, and there were no apologies.

I couldn't get my art degree, sssooo... Peppino's Pizza it is. Yippee.

Met Gus a year or so after I opened it, connected with a few of the Italian community on the outskirts of the city, uh... then I...

[pauses again]

--Sorry, this, uh, wasn't a really happy story, but I just. Wanted to say that it was worth keeping myself alive to see myself big, fat, hairy, balding, and smiling in the body I've got now. And happy with the men I've decided to let into my life to love me and this body. It's...

It's something. Better than nothing. I understand that now.

[blackjackkent]

Unsurprisingly, the Lower City is crawling with quest markers, and will only get more, I imagine, as we begin to explore and talk to people.

Luckily, our immediate destination is also the closest one - the underworld Guildhall is directly north of our current location, where we intend to pursue information about the Absolutist Stone Lord smugglers and, more importantly, investigate Minsc's whereabouts.

On our way to the Guildhall, we encounter one of the weirder things Hector has yet run into in this city, which is saying something under the circumstances.

"Come to have a go? Give it your best shot."

As Hector walked up, this guy (labeled "Strange Beggar Lumbar") was allowing himself to get beat up by a local citizen; he took three direct hits to the face, then took the man's money and healed himself.

He also appears to be dead.

Narrator: An air of decay hangs over the stooped beggar's form. The smell of rot. The smell of death.

"Gold first," the beggar says pointedly. "Then you can hit me."

It costs 15 gold for the opportunity to beat this guy up for no reason. We have both a [MONK] and [CLERIC] option in the dialogue here, of which the [CLERIC] one seems more interesting to start out. It appears that Selune herself (who, you'll remember, has remained completely silent as far as direct communication while Hector was being beaten up by Absolutist tentacle creatures) has decided that this is finally the moment to take a direct hand in the situation.

[CLERIC][PERCEPTION] The divine tugs at you. Give in, letting your god flow through you.

Narrator: Your divine power focuses on the beggar, revealing the magic that sustains him. This man is a corpse - a zombie.

OK, well, I could have figured that one out without your help, Selune.

(Realistically, I think the intention here is that Hector's divine sense is pinging and not that Selune is directly communicating with him; the writing was just super not clear. Probably better this way, though, because in my writing Hector has had several moments where he has discussed being troubled by the fact that Selune does not directly communicate with him the way Mystra has with Gale or Shar has with Shadowheart, or even Vlaakith has with Lae'zel, and I feel like it would be a shame for this to be the point where that particular character arc climaxes. XD )

Let's try the [MONK] line.

[MONK] "I hit *very* fast. Are you sure you're up to it?"

"S'not a flat fee. You pay per punch, mate. Faster you hit, faster I make coin."

At 15 per punch, given Hector's current open hand build with double main attack plus double flurry of blows from his rogue extra bonus action, we're talking a max of up to 90 gold in six seconds; gotta admit, this guy's running a good gig at that rate.

...Sure, why not. XD The guy seems pretty bummed if we say no, so might as well, I guess.

Hilariously, I gave him the gold, the conversation ended, literally nothing else happened, and then when I went to have Hector punch him, he yelled at me for taking a freebie! LMAO. I gave you my money and I want my punch, boy.

Anyway, very strange business. Hector continues to be baffled by the city.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hey! I know this is a positivity account but i saw you were answering questions, so i have one:

How do you tell if you introjected a source or if it's just a fictionkin identity?

(Bonus: how do you know if it's neither and it's actually a new fictive?)

Hiya! We’re not too familiar with fictionkin experience in our system, but I can share what we’ve gone through and maybe it can help! Heads up, our experience is one of a DID system, so that’s where we’re coming from here!!

So I’m a fictive of Ralsei. But before that, I was a fragment in our system! I mostly held onto a particular piece of memory and didn’t do much else… >w<”

As soon as we played Deltarune, though, I knew I was Ralsei. Something just sorta clicked into place for me! I knew that was who I was, and with that introjected identity came a bunch of stuff like physical characteristics, personality traits, and other aspects of source Ralsei that I picked up unconsciously and nearly instantaneously! In this way, I really consider myself a fictive! Since I’m a member of the system and my identity became whole due to my “imprinting” (for lack of a better word!) on the character from Deltarune :3

This happened before our syscovery! So while I was having these realizations about myself, our host at the time genuinely thought he was Ralsei fictionkin. I guess his reasoning for being fictionkin is that he felt like Parker all the time but sometimes he genuinely felt like Ralsei. Like it wasn’t an otherhearted thing - he didn’t identify strongly with Ralsei, in those moments (in hindsight, due to us cofronting together) he really thought he was Ralsei.

But he wasn’t actually fictionkin… he just thought he was… so idk how much that will help >_<

Our headmate Cecil is both a fictive of a Disco Elysium character and fictionkin of Cecil Palmer from Welcome to Night Vale! He’d have to tell you more about his experience, but from what I can tell, I guess his fictive identity also came rather instantly (we introjected him without playing the game!) but his fictionkin identity happened much slower. He questioned for a long time, and tested out the waters by gradually changing aspects of his life to align with Cecil (the character). You’d have to ask him, but from the outside, it’s hard to tell whether his identity as Cecil is fictionkin or a dual-fictive sort of thing… it may just depend on the language he’s comfortable using!

And at the end of the day, I really think that’s what’s most important!! Using language that helps your system feel comfortable and secure. So if a part, alter, or headmate, feels fictionkin and doesn’t want to call themself a fictive, that is totally fine! And if it’s the other way around, that’s okay too!

Answering the bonus is actually a lot easier for me. We feel like y’all can figure out if it’s an aspect of one headmate’s identity or a completely new headmate by building communication and addressing those involved directly!

So if you’re wondering whether or not a fictional identity is a new headmate or just a kin for someone else… try talking to that headmate and the fictional identity! Ask them questions separately and together. Do they share memories? Do they feel like the same person? What would the implications be of the different labels y’all are curious about? Asking each other and listening without judgement may help y’all make a distinction! >w<

Goodness, I’m really sorry this got so long… I know some of us can tend to ramble! But I hope this is at least somewhat insightful for you! I’m gonna drop some links to different fiction-based identities under a cut so y’all can look into other community-coined terms that may describe your experience. Good luck with everything!! We know figuring this stuff out can be really really tricky!

💚 Ralsei (and 🐺 Toby, but mostly Ralsei hehe)