#alter as needed

[rumor-weed]

JOHN MULANEY STARTER PROMPTS

Kid Gorgeous Edition.

“He was a man most acquainted with misery.”

“None of that matters, but it's important to me that you know that.”

“He did not look like his job description.”

“He looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti.”

“But, instead, he made his living in murder.”

“He was the weirdest goddamn person I ever saw in my entire life.”

“He could look at a child and guess the price of their coffin.”

“Shut up! You're all gonna die. Street Smarts!"”

“You remember the scourge of muggings when you were in second and third grade.”

"Man, I need cash for drugs right now.”

“Okay, you can get these at any haberdashery.”

“Buy a money clip. Engraved, question mark?”

“Hey, Dad. Can I have a silver money clip with a $50 bill in it, please?” (Or sub “dad” for character name, if you’re a coward)

“The man with the mustache told me to do it.”

“Let's say a kidnapper throws you in the back of a trunk.”

“You kids have no upper body strength.”

“Yeah, he was not a "spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" kind of guy.”

“Brush your teeth. Now, boom, orange juice. That's life.”

“Fight the guy off using weird, psych-out, back-room Chicago violence.”

“I chewed up a tab of Alka-Seltzer I carry with me at all times. This created a foaming-at-the-mouth appearance that made it look like I had rabies.”

“Now I've thrown him off his rhythm.”

“Okay. Your odds of coming back alive from the primary location, about 60%. But if you are taken to a secondary location, your odds of coming back alive are slim to none.”

“I am 35 years old and I am still terrified of secondary locations.”

“Nah, sister. You're not getting me to no secondary location.”

“I thought I was going to be murdered my entire childhood.”

“Top three colleges? I thought I would be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”

“I just got a letter from my college, which was fun 'cause mail, you know?”

“So then I had to speed to Goodwill really fast.”

“It was charitable, but it was also fast and violent.”

“I was throwing boxes at people. The boxes were so heavy I couldn't even say what was in them.”

“This one's shirts. I got a bunch of shirts! Take 'em away!"

“How do I write that on my taxes?”

“My mom said it could be a sleep shirt. Please deduct this from my 2017 income.”

“So rather than violate these meaningless politeness rules, I'll just go to bed in a smock like goddamn Ebenezer Scrooge.”

“I'll tremble off to bed in my long Victorian nightgown.”

“Was there ever even a ghost, Mother, or was the dead Victorian girl you saw just me all along?”

“And that's why you shouldn't give to charity.”

“I found out recently that jokes don't do well in court.”

"Hey, that lawsuit with my neighbor is still dragging on.”

“Hey, do you want me to kill that guy for you? Because it sounds like he sucks and I will totally kill that guy for you.”

“Okay. See you at improv practice.”

“Strange, the passage of time.”

“I'm not that old. I'm 35, that is not old.”

“I never knew about this, but I am now gross.”

[wasyago]

r-recks etho prosthetics map......... he's just a normal guy, as i said haha [sweats]

[time-woods]

im not ready for his whimsy im not ready but im ready who knew one mans whimsy could strike one down

[stimmingandstruggling]

soulmates but not in a soft romantic way soulmates in a destined to change each other for better or for worse, cannot be who they are without each other, unstoppable together but they’re also the only ones who can defeat each other, equals, existences undeniably tied to each other way

[formerheroeswhoquittoolate]

headcanon that the smaller batkids steal the bigger ones' hoodies and jackets. and by "bigger ones" I mean literally anyone bigger than them.

jason gets the short end of the stick because dick and all his little siblings take his. tim's the only one bold enough to go for the leather jackets (well, and cass, but they're way too wide in the shoulders for her) but it's not uncommon to find dick or stephanie in a dark red or gray hoodie that smells of motor oil and gunpowder.

damian usually takes dick's hoodies, but they're very oversized on him. on the bright side, there are thumbholes in the sleeves of all dick's hoodies, so he can still use his hands. the thumbholes make them a hot commodity in the winter.

there is a tim-steph-cass jacket pipeline. steph steals tim's hoodies and cass takes them from steph. hence tim stealing jason's leather jackets -- steph won't take them, so he gets to hold on to them until jason realizes and takes them back. sometimes cass will also steal duke's hoodies, but she always returns them clean and neatly folded (unlike how it goes with the rest of the family, in which they are returned only under threat of blackmail or with long rounds of negotiation).

this is an extremely long-standing ring of jacket theft. you cannot leave a hoodie unattended in wayne manor. damian doesn't actually own any hoodies, and cass only owns one, because there's so many other people in the house to "borrow" one from. nowhere is safe. steph once broke into dick's apartment to steal his warm hoodie, the one with the fuzz on the inside.

but it goes the other way sometimes. jason leaves things in the pockets of his leather jackets for tim -- film for his camera, hand sanitizer, half-filled punch cards for local coffee shops with "drink water too, fucker" written on the back. cass will tuck little slips of paper in the cuffed sleeves when she leaves hoodies out. the notes don't say anything, but they have little smiley faces and hearts on them, and steph has taken to doing something similar with corny jokes. dick just straight-up leaves candy in the hoods of his jackets.

it's a game, it's a love language. it's simultaneously annoyance and affection. there's nothing like wearing a hoodie that's too big for you, that smells like your family, to make you feel safe.

[victarin]

this joke has definitely been made before but im just thinking again abt how solar lunacy is the whole reason i started drawing (or learned how to draw) the dca

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

listen its been weeks and SEVERAL rewatches

and I STILL cannot get over the fucking beauty of the scene in nimona where the fire of her phoenix form LIGHTS up the hard light construct billboard screen thing depicting the tale of gloreth

like the sun bleeding through stained glass, apotheosis and sacrifice uncontainable within the limits of the story she's been cast into

It's such an indescribably perfect moment of the visual language of this world married into the narrative I just

[internal screeching]

[tasmagor]

t4t dykes true love 4ever

[snugglebunnies]

you don't understand how normal i am about the mario & luigi series' FIRST game featuring prince peasley, a character who not only remembers luigi's name, but chooses to forget mario's all while continuously treating luigi like the extra special one out of both the brothers

like. this game emphasized the whole "haha luigi's a loser" mentality nintendo rly latched onto. in the start of this game he is repeatedly being forgotten and belittled and dragged along this way and that

and then all of a sudden this PRINCE shows up and starts giving luigi all this special attention like? AH. the idea that luigi's self esteem is already so low and then all of a sudden he's having roses thrown in his lap, nicknames given to him, and thanks/compliments left and right

not to mention the. ahem. butt stabbing scene...

and the aforementioned deliberate choice of words on peasley's part when referring to mario. he recognizes that luigi is hardly referred to by name and extends that kind of lack of recognition to MARIO instead of luigi, for once!

and luigi reciprocates hardcore! 

he starts greeting/saying goodbye to peasley by waving his hat, blushing around him, collapsing to the floor and sobbing when peasley puts himself in a dangerous situation, and rushing to hug him at the end of the game

and there’s other little things: like how peasley is straight up winking as he goes to catch luigi from falling 

and in the remake, luigi keeps peasley's rose under his hat! 🥺

in conclusion: i think their relationship is really important for luigi's self esteem and character arc and more people should witness and recognize their very canonical romance. thank you. <3

[brighteuphony]

@xoxo-lahh

So in this verse, Tsunade never ends up teaching Sakura- as that role is fulfilled by Chiyo. (But she DOES return to Konoha eventually).

And Chiyo's first rule (for everything lol) is: Nothing is Free.

Chiyo always demanded something in return for healing, and unlike Tsunade, she considered medical jutsu a part of her arsenal. If it could kill, then it was always an option.

So Sakura learned from that mindset, trading her services and using her rare skillet as a powerful negotiating tactic, especially during Tea Country's civil war. Her healing effectively kept her, Enji, and Saeko in relative safety and provided her a card to play when she needed.

And, while Sakura is nowhere near as jaded as Chiyo is, and often enough of a bleeding heart to help people for damn near free, (a place to stay, food for the night, a new holster for her kunai), she is also VERY pragmatic about her skillset. The civil war taught her that sometimes, letting someone die is better. This puts her at odds with Tsunade, who has a very different mindset (and was, historically, bitter enemies with Chiyo).

Another issue that arises with Tsunade, is that the Godaime is a doctor- while Chiyo is more of a healer. Their understanding of the human body comes from a different place.

Tsunade can name every bone and muscle and perform open-heart surgeries. Sakura can heal bone and stitch back together muscles and flesh on a very basic level, but she's never going to be able to open up a human body and revolutionize medical history like she does in canon. (In canon, Sakura creates a Jutsu that allows her to do a four-man surgery alone; she can't do that here.)

However, she can do some stuff that Tsunade claims is impossible—like reconstructing/altering someone's chakra network, unblocking tenketsu, sometimes turning off someone's dojutsu from a distance, and lite-healing remotely (Tsunade is very upset about this one specifically). A lot of it comes from her mastery of Genjutsu.

Genjutsu, as I reworked in my comic, requires a complete understanding of someone's chakra network to control ALL their senses. Sakura's understanding and control are so prodigious that she can almost autonomously control people's bodily functions (a skillset that is GREATLY aided by training with Chiyo's puppet mastery).

She uses Genjutsu as a tool to understand the body and employs it as both support (helping an ally maintain a sense of gravity as they're pulled underground or flung in the air, etc) and offense.

And that's it for the wall of text! Once again, thank you SO much for the amazingly kind words and all the interest in this AU! <3

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[dollya-robinprotector]

In the light of recent update with some new clothes and the new very beautiful angel wings, of course I have to sum it up with my children

No child of mine should be wearing anything less than extravagant, even if they're an orphan in a r*pe game and not FFXIV

Ahhh~ The joy of drawing feathered wings~~

[synodicsystem]

when your productive alter goes dormant

╰ 💿

[lolottes]

Danny walked the streets of Gotham

he was hungry.

His steps were slow and I was still in pain, but under his abdominal bandages his wounds were much better.

but he was hungry.

he did not know since when he was in town.

he was hungry.

He didn't know what time it was, but an alarm sounded.

He was hungry.

but it wasn't the noise that woke him up, no, there was… a smell? no, it wasn't caught by his nose, but it made him salivate.

he was hungry.

His gums itched while his teeth took on a ghostly shape despite his human body.

he was hungry.

The smell, for lack of a better term, led him to the center of noise and bright light.

he was hungry.

as he mingled with a tense crowd he began to "see" his target even with his eyes closed. good thing because he was hungry. and his eyes must have glowed in response behind his eyelids.

he was so hungry.

the crowd seemed more than willing to let him pass as he approached his target's voice, it was so loud, it must have been speaking into a megaphone or microphone.

he was hungry, but not for long…

jokers: hoooo, we have a brave volunteer~

His food came down from its perch, probably the roof of a car. it was moving towards him, holding something out with confidence

jokers handing a microphone to Danny: a few words from our volunteer?

Danny: …I'm hungry…

His food seemed destabilized, but he continued to move closer, finally opening his eyes, seeing the reflection of their light in those of his food who had a little reflex of unnecessary recoil. One last big step and he was almost chest to chest.

The crowd didn't really know what they were looking at, the child stretched out his arm towards the jokers chest then when he pulled him back with some gently luminous light in his hands, the jokers collapsed to the ground like a puppet whose string have been cut off. Even before the jokers had finished falling, the child put the light in his mouth and a cracking sound echoed through the shocking crowd.

Danny sighed in relief, not satisfaction because it was one of the worst things he had ever eaten. But he feels SO MUCH BETTER now!

he wasn't hungry anymore

… For now

[chronicowboy]

being so normal!!!!!

[aphrogeneias]

I've been thinking about Eddie

Specifically, kissing Eddie

Like, kissing Eddie

All over

"can you keep your hands up there, baby?"

you're lost between eddie's sheets. neither of you have left his bed all afternoon, alternating between talking and slow makeout sessions in between. you're straddling his narrow waist, holding his chin with one hand after settling his own above his head.

"what are you trying to do?" he sounds suspicious, but his eyes are nothing but trustful, looking up at you with what only can be described as adoration. there's a lazy smirk on his full lips, and you kiss it right off of him.

"jus' wanna kiss you." you say, simply. "can't i kiss my handsome boyfriend?"

he chuckles deep in his chest. "i can never say no to you, princess."

eddie knows how insatiable you are, but he wasn't expecting it how you really meant it. you wanted to kiss him, and you do.

you kiss his mouth, tasting his tongue on yours, sucking his bottom lip between yours, biting it before you release it. you kiss down his neck, a trail of spit left in the wake of your eager lips, sucking and licking on his pale skin, stopping to leave sweet kisses on the tattoos adorning his pectorals. your lips travel south to his nipples, lavishing both with your tongue and teeth, pulling on the silver ring in his left nipple.

eddie hisses and whines under you, but he keeps his promise. his hands remain still whilst you kiss down his tummy, paying special attention to his happy trail, nuzzling your nose there, leaving tiny kisses down his navel. a kiss to each side of his hips.

his breath stutters as you lower his boxers down his hips and out of his legs, settling yourself down once more, taking his already hard cock in your hand. you stroke him while you kiss the leaking head, suckling it into your lips. taking your time, working him up, leaving kisses up and down his thick shaft, licking him from the base to the top just to take it in your mouth again.

"baby..." he moans, stretching his neck to look at the ceiling, knowing that, if he looks at you, looking like an angel with his dick in your mouth, he'll blow his load way too soon.

"you can touch me now, ed." you say, still stroking him. "want to make you feel good."

his hand flies to your head as you take him whole in your mouth, and holds your hair away from your face in reverence, as you finish what you started.