#and decides to see what's happening in the rest of the world

[mononijikayu]

“beautiful boy (darling boy)” — gojo satoru.

“Papa chose the character for you. It means 'dawn'.” He whispered to him tenderly, almost like a little lullaby. “Because you are the beginning of a new chapter for our family. You bring light and hope into our lives, just like the dawn brings a new day."

GENRE: post hidden - inventory arc (2010s)

WARNING/S: domesticity, fluff, angst, trauma, implied death, violence, romance, hurt/comfort, character death depiction of death, depictions of loss and depression, mention of pregnancy, depiction of the aftermath of birth, depiction of parenthood, depiction of blood, depiction of killing, depiction of suffering, depiction of anxiety, mention of death, mention of grief, profanity, family drama;

LISTEN: beautiful boy (darling boy) by john lennon.

NOTE: my classes were cancelled and i just played random music on my phone and this.....sort of sparked something. i sobbed to this, by the way. this might be my last one for now. i've just been frantically making these for the past few days. i'll come back after some rest!!! i love you all so much!!! <3

addendum: the character satoru chose for satoshi is '暁' which means dawn/daybreak; satoshi was born on the same day as his father in 2014.

masterlist

u s and t h e m

IF HE WAS BEING HONEST, HE DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD COME TO THIS. He could remember it like it was yesterday, when you held out your hand and took his — placing them together on your belly. Your lilac eyes shone against his bright blue, full of wonder and anxiety. He was frozen at that moment. He was overwhelmed. 

Not even his six-eyes could keep up with his emotions, his thoughts. He knew it was an accident, he knew it wasn’t something both of you planned. But he was happy. He was all too happy that he scooped you in his arms, as though you were the treasure of the world and cradled you, whispering the most loving things, loving words ever known to any being.

It was never your plan to have children, not even with the pressure from the elders of your clans. There was never the time. There was never a sense of security. WIth what Satoru was planning to do, with what dangers there’ll be — just like he had experienced in youth, none of you wanted that for your child. And you wanted to help him, you wanted to do well by him. Satoru was your lifeline, your purpose to live was his goal. Your life with him was what made your life blossom in these past few years of marriage. But that changed too, with the bludding life growing in your belly.

You both cried that night, holding each other. It was hard to comprehend that this was happening, that a child had chosen both of you. You were glad that the Tsumiki and Megumi were at a sleep-over. They didn’t need to see you both so conflicted with your joy and your worries. No kid should be burdened by such a thing as the worries of the heavy world. 

The room was dimly lit, the soft glow of evening casting long shadows on the walls. Satoru sat across from you, his cerulean eyes reflecting a myriad of emotions—excitement, concern, and a fierce determination to protect. The news of your pregnancy had brought a bittersweet mix of joy and anxiety.

“We need to decide what to do next, darling.” Satoru said, his voice steady but laced with worry. “I don’t want you to suffer like my mother did. The multiple assassination attempts... I can’t let that happen to you.”

“We can’t tell the world, Satoru,” you said quietly with a soft nod. “The higher-ups could see this as an issue. There was a time when the passing of powers in the Gojo clan – similar to the Six-Eyes, was from father to son. They might see our child as a threat, Satoru….and I…I don’t want them to hurt our child.”

Satoru’s jaw tightened, his protective instincts kicking in. “Then we keep this between us, Megumi, and Tsumiki. My mother….maybe your mother and Aunt Arisu can help us hide this from the world too. They’ll understand the importance of keeping this secret.”

You reached out, your fingers intertwining with his. “They will. They’ve always been supportive of us…and our plans. They’ll be kind to us about this too. It is their next of kin now, after all.”

For a moment, your husband looks at you. His free hand draped across your cheek and you looked at him so lovingly, leaning your head against the warm palm of his hand. He could feel how lucky he was. How beautiful you were. His eyes lowered at your belly and felt that same warmth glowing from within you, as welcoming and loving towards the person who had helped give such life to the growing seed in your belly. 

Satoru pulled you into a gentle embrace, his arms wrapping around you protectively. “I’m sorry, darling.” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m sorry.”

You pulled back slightly, looking up at him with confusion. “Why are you apologizing?”

“Because….” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, “You’re the one who will suffer the most here, not me. The secrecy, the danger... it’s all on you. And all I can do is hold your hand. And I….”

You shook your head, resting your hand against his cheek. “Your hand is more than enough. You by my side is more than enough. All I have ever needed, all our child will ever need — is you. All they need is their father.”

“When did I ever deserve something as good as you in my life?”

You smiled at him, “Because you are good, Satoru. You’ve always been.”

“You’re the most important thing in my life.” He whispers to you, his hand on your belly. “You and our child.”

“We’re in this together, Satoru. I’m not alone in this.” You let your hand brush against his silver locks. “Because you’ll always be here, hm?”

He closed his eyes, leaning into your touch. “I love you,” he said softly, his voice trembling slightly. “I love both of you. And I’ll protect you with all I have.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, the weight of his words sinking in. “I love you too,” you whispered, feeling the strength of his love envelop you. “We’ll get through this. Together.”

The next few days were a whirlwind of planning and preparation. Your mother and Aunt Arisu were brought into the fold, their wisdom and experience invaluable in devising a plan to keep your pregnancy a secret. They promised to support you in any way they could, offering their home as a safe haven where you could hide from prying eyes.

Megumi and Tsumiki were surprisingly understanding, their loyalty to you and Satoru unwavering. They vowed to keep the secret, to protect their future sibling from the dangers that lurked in the shadows of the jujutsu world.

As the weeks turned into months, you found strength in the love and support of those around you. Satoru’s determination to protect you never wavered, his presence a constant source of comfort and reassurance. Despite the secrecy and the danger, there was a sense of hope that carried you through each day.

And in the quiet moments, when it was just the two of you, you felt a deep sense of gratitude for the love that bound you together. It was a love that would see you through the darkest of times, a love that would protect and nurture the new life growing inside you. And with Satoru by your side, you knew you could face whatever challenges lay ahead.

The days leading up to Satoru's confrontation with Sukuna were heavy with unspoken fears and silent resolutions. Each moment felt borrowed, a fragile gift that could shatter under the weight of impending doom. You moved through your days with a heightened awareness, every touch, every glance laden with meaning. The anticipation was a living thing, a constant presence that neither of you could shake.

The last time you both saw your son was during separate visits to the ancestral manor. He knew you had been there, especially when you brought Yuuji along at his request. Satoru had visited him shortly afterward, driven by an insistent need to see his boy before the impending confrontation. The weight of the world seemed lighter, if only for a moment, as he thought of his son.

Satoru could only sigh, the longing in his heart palpable. He had yearned for Suguru for the past eleven, twelve years, a constant ache that never quite faded. Yet, this longing for Suguru, as intense as it was, paled in comparison to the deep, unyielding yearning of a father. He had missed his son so much, too much. The distance, both physical and emotional, had been a torment he could hardly bear.

Satoru was certain he remembered everything about his son. The boy was a spitting image of him—silver hair that fell a bit longer, the same striking blue eyes, though his son's were even darker, like the depths of the sea. But more importantly, he recognized the essence of you in every move, every quirk, every smile. Your son might look like Satoru, but in all the ways that mattered, he was you.

Satoru adored him the most in the world. Even if he loves you, there is truly nothing that’s going to encapsulate, translate how much he loves his little boy. Your son was a constant, beautiful reminder of the bond you both shared. Your son carried your grace, your kindness, and your strength. Every time Satoru looked at him, he saw the love and unity that defined your relationship. For that, he was profoundly grateful. For that, he was happy. There was a reminder of you, of him, together in this world, encapsulated in the boy who bore the best of both of you.

And here he was, newly sealed, recovering from all of it;

All he could think about was wanting to see your dear boy.

All he could think about was wanting to embrace him again.

"I want to go to Hida," he said, his voice steady but laced with a vulnerability that made your heart ache. He looks to you softly, eyes full of yearning. “I wanna see him.”

"Are you sure?" you asked gently, searching his face for any hesitation. You purse your lips. “Satoru, it’s unsafe now. Are you sure?”

He nodded, a small, almost imperceptible smile tugging at his lips. "I want to spend as much time as possible trying to make sure our son understands that his father loves him."

You could hear the uncertainty in his voice, the doubt that gnawed at him despite his resolute exterior. "Satoru, you're a good father." you assured him, but he shook his head, his expression conflicted. “You have put your own heart at hold to protect him. He understands.”

"I don't know if I'm doing it right or wrong," he admitted, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I love our son as much as I love Megumi, as much as I love you. But I didn't have a father growing up. Mine died when I was young, and I don't remember him very well. My mother tells me that he loved a lot, but I don't know if I believe that."

You stepped closer, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "You love our son, and that's what matters most. He's always known that, even if you haven't been able to be there as much as you wanted. He sees it because you show him.”

Satoru sighed, his gaze distant as he recalled the moments he missed, the milestones he couldn't witness firsthand. "I want to be the best father to him, darling. I want him to know he's the most beloved son. That I love him the most in the world.”

"You already are, Satoru," you whispered, leaning your head against his shoulder.

“We have to see him.” Your husband retorts back to you, a sad smile on his lips. “If this is the last chance—”

“It won’t be,” You shake your head at him. “You know that.”

“I know, but…” He sighs, resting his head against the crook of your neck. “I want to be sure. Nothing is bound, darling. I want to… I want to be able to leave him with something he can remember his old man by.”

The weight of his words pressed down on you both, the unspoken fears and the grim reality of what was to come. You could feel your throat choke up as you tried to banish the tears from your eyes. The thought of Satoru not being there hurt you.

Not only because you loved him, but because you knew your son loved him the best in the world. The thought of him becoming without the person he holds dear in the world, it tears you apart.

You want to believe that your husband was the title he was given. You knew he was strong. You believe he will overcome this. That’s why you keep putting off visiting your son. It was safer, it would be in the future that you and Satoru had fought so hard to fight for. But your husband was just a man too. A man who has a finite life and a heart too big for the world to comprehend. He was just Satoru. A husband, a father. A friend, a teacher. He was just like that. 

You look at him with a guilty look. You were selfish with him, with what you said. He needed you, he needed Satoru. Your son needed you both. As much as you needed him. What is protecting him from all these dangers, if you both weren’t there to love him either?

What is loving Satoru if you can’t be there for him either? If you can’t love him properly either? You took a deep breath. You’ve made up your mind. You will not deprive him of this. You would not be selfish with this. You would let him be selfish. You would let him live as he had never before. 

You held him tighter, feeling the tension in his muscles, the vulnerability he rarely showed. “You’re right. We will see him, my love.” you affirmed, your voice steady. “And we’ll make sure he knows how much he’s loved.”

Satoru’s eyes met yours, a mixture of gratitude and sorrow. “Thank you, darling.” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “For understanding, for always being here. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’m sorry, Satoru,” you whispered to him tenderly as you kissed the small of his lips. “I should have been better with this.”

“Hey, don’t be sorry. You want to protect him too, I understand.” He tells you, a small smile on his lips. “Sukuna has familiarity with Hida, I know you’re wary about it.”

You nodded, the weight of your concerns evident in your eyes. “I just want to make sure he’s safe. That we’re all safe.”

Satoru’s smile softened, and he brushed a thumb over your cheek. “We’ll keep him safe. We’ll keep everyone safe. That’s a promise.”

You smiled softly, brushing a stray strand of hair from his forehead. “We’re in this together, Satoru. Always.”

He kissed your forehead, a lingering touch that conveyed all the words he couldn’t say. “Let’s go to Hida,” he said finally. “Let’s spend this time with him, make memories that will stay with him.”

You nodded, feeling a sense of resolve settle within you. “Yes, let’s do that. We’ll make sure he knows how much he means to us.”

All of Satoru’s training was canceled for the next few days.

Everyone understood why and said nothing about any of it.

Gojo Satoru couldn’t be happier to enjoy the long trip.

Because the next he’ll get off the train, he’ll see his dear son.

ARRIVING IN HIDA WAS A REFRESHING THING. It was as though the looming war, the destruction, the suffering, did not exist. These precious days felt suspended in time, a haven of peace amidst the chaos.

Each sunrise brought with it a semblance of normalcy, a gentle reminder of the life you were fighting to protect. The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers, and the sun cast a warm, golden glow over everything it touched.

As the days passed, you found moments of solace in the simple joys of being together. Satoru’s determination to be the best father he could be was palpable. He approached fatherhood with the same intensity and dedication he showed in his sorcery, and you admired the way he threw himself into the role with such fervor.

His playful nature shone brightly as he engaged your son in games, stories, and lessons. The bond between father and son grew stronger with each passing day, and it filled you with a sense of hope and reassurance.

Gojo Satoshi did not know much about the wider world beyond the confines of the carefully constructed life you and your family had built around him. But Satoru thought that was for the best. At his tender age, the complexities and dangers of the world could wait.

For now, Satoshi was wrapped in a cocoon of love and safety, his days filled with laughter and innocence. The little lordling of the Gojo clan had the privilege of being shielded from the harsh realities, existing in a world where he was cherished and adored.

“Young master Gojo, please do not run too much! You’ll slip!” His nurse-maid's voice rang out in a mix of concern and exasperation as she hurried after the energetic boy. Her normally composed demeanor was visibly frazzled as she struggled to keep pace with her lively charge. “Young master!”

“Heh, chase me! Chase me!” Satoshi's infectious giggle echoed through the gardens, his small feet moving quickly across the manicured lawn. His silvery hair, so much like his father's, shimmered in the sunlight, and his blue eyes sparkled with pure delight.

The scene was picturesque, the verdant greenery of the garden serving as a perfect backdrop to the boy's joy. Flowers bloomed in a riot of colors, and the gentle hum of insects added to the serene atmosphere.

Gojo Satoru watched from a distance, a soft smile playing on his lips. He saw so much of himself in Satoshi, from the boy’s boundless energy to the mischievous glint in his eyes. Yet, he also saw you in him—the kindness, the warmth, the innate ability to find joy in the simplest things.

Satoshi’s world was small but rich, filled with the love and attention of those who cared for him. He didn't know of the looming threats or the responsibilities that came with his lineage. Instead, his days were spent exploring the garden, listening to stories, and playing games. It was a simple life, but it was one that Satoru cherished deeply for his son.

The nurse-maid finally caught up to Satoshi, scooping him into her arms despite his playful wriggling. “Young master, you must be careful,” she chided gently, her tone softening as she adjusted his tousled hair. “We wouldn’t want you to get hurt. You are too important to be hurt.”

Satoshi pouted for a moment before breaking into a wide grin. “Okay, I’ll be careful,” he promised, though the twinkle in his eye suggested that he was already planning his next adventure.

“Our little lordling is too bright for the sun, huh?” Satoru approached, his presence immediately noticed by Satoshi, who reached out eagerly. 

“Papa!” the boy exclaimed, his arms stretching towards his father.

With a warm chuckle, Satoru took Satoshi into his arms, lifting him high into the air. “Having fun, little lordling?” he asked, his voice filled with affection. “You were zooming out there, huh?”

“Yeah!” Satoshi replied enthusiastically. “We were playing chase, and I was winning!”

Satoru laughed, his heart swelling with love. “I’m sure you were. But remember to listen to your nurse-maid, okay? We don’t want any accidents.”

Satoshi nodded solemnly before breaking into giggles again. “I will, Papa.”

As Satoru held his son close, he couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of contentment. In these moments, the worries of the world faded away, leaving only the pure, unadulterated love between a father and his child. He knew that soon enough, Satoshi would grow older and the realities of their world would become unavoidable. But for now, he was determined to protect this innocence, to ensure that Satoshi's world remained filled with laughter and love for as long as possible.

“Let’s go find Mama,” Satoru said, carrying Satoshi back towards the house. “I’m sure she’s missed you.”

Satoshi's eyes lit up at the mention of you, and he nodded eagerly. “Yeah! Let’s go find Mama!”

The path back to the house was lined with blooming cherry blossoms, their petals gently drifting to the ground with each breeze. Satoru walked with an easy grace, his son nestled securely in his arms. The house, an elegant blend of traditional and modern architecture, stood as a sanctuary amid the chaos of the outside world.

As they approached, the soft hum of your voice reached their ears. You were in the kitchen, preparing a meal, the aroma of freshly cooked rice and simmering soup wafting through the air. Your presence was a constant source of comfort and strength, grounding Satoru in ways he often struggled to articulate.

“Mama!” Satoshi called out excitedly as they entered the kitchen.

You turned, a warm smile spreading across your face as you wiped your hands on a towel. “There’s my little troublemaker,” you said, reaching out to take Satoshi from Satoru’s arms. “Were you having fun in the garden?”

Satoshi nodded vigorously. “Yes, Mama! We played chase, and I was winning!”

You chuckled, kissing his forehead. “I’m sure you were. Did you give the nurse-maid a hard time?”

Satoshi giggled, hiding his face on your shoulder. “Maybe a little.”

Satoru watched the interaction with a tender expression. “He’s full of energy today,” he commented, stepping closer to place a hand on your back. “How are you feeling?”

You glanced up at him, your eyes filled with understanding. “Better, now that you two are here.” You looked back at Satoshi, brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead. “Were you good for Papa?”

“Yes, Mama,” Satoshi replied earnestly. “Papa said we should always listen to nurse-maid.”

You smiled, giving Satoru an appreciative look. “That’s right. It’s important to be careful.”

Satoru's gaze softened as he watched you interact with Satoshi. Despite the looming threat of Sukuna, these moments of normalcy and love filled him with a fierce determination to protect his family at all costs.

“Dinner will be ready soon,” you said, turning back to the stove. “Why don’t you two wash up?”

Satoshi wriggled in your arms, eager to comply. “Come on, Papa!” he urged, pulling at Satoru’s hand.

“Alright, alright,” Satoru laughed, letting himself be led towards the bathroom. As he helped Satoshi wash his hands, he marveled at how such simple acts could bring so much joy.

After washing up, they returned to the kitchen where you had set the table. The meal was a humble but hearty spread, the kind that brought warmth and comfort to the soul. Satoru helped Satoshi into his chair before taking his own seat beside you.

As you all sat down to eat, Satoshi’s chatter filled the room, his stories animated and full of wonder. Satoru listened with rapt attention, his heart swelling with pride and love. He reached out to squeeze your hand under the table, a silent promise that he would do everything in his power to keep this happiness intact.

After dinner, you all settled in the living room. Satoshi, full and content, curled up next to you on the couch, his little head resting on your lap. Satoru sat beside you, his arm draped over your shoulders. The room was bathed in the soft glow of the evening light, casting a serene ambiance over the scene.

Satoru looked at you, his cerulean eyes filled with a mixture of love and determination. “We’re going to be okay,” he said softly, his voice steady. “No matter what happens, we’ll face it together.”

You nodded, leaning into his embrace. “Together,” you echoed, your hand resting gently on Satoshi’s back.

“Papa, let’s go!” Satoshi’s eyes sparkled with excitement, his little hand tugging at Satoru’s sleeve.

“Hm? Where, little lordling?” Satoru asked, his voice warm with affection.

“The koi pond!” Satoshi replied eagerly, his enthusiasm infectious.

Satoru looked at you, seeking your opinion. You nodded and offered him a warm smile. “Why not? It’s too nice today and it’s refreshing after a long play, don’t you think?”

“I suppose.” Your husband nodded to you before turning his attention back to your son, his grin widening. “Does my little lordling want to be carried by papa, or is he wanting to be a big boy and walk?”

Satoshi puffed out his chest with pride, his tiny hands clenched into determined fists. “I’ll walk, Papa! I’m a big boy!”

Satoru chuckled, patting Satoshi’s head affectionately. “That’s my boy. Lead the way, then.”

The three of you made your way to the koi pond, the garden bathed in the golden glow of the moonshine The air was filled with the gentle rustle of leaves and the soft chirping of owls settling down for the evening. It was a tranquil scene, a stark contrast to the turbulent world outside your home.

The tranquil scene was framed by vibrant greenery and the soft murmur of a nearby stream. They were watching the koi fish swim lazily in the pond, their colorful scales glinting in the moonlight. Your son was immediately chattering excitedly about something he’d learned, his voice a melodic blend of enthusiasm and curiosity. Satoru listened intently, a fond smile playing on his lips.

Satoshi skipped ahead, his laughter ringing out like a melody. You and Satoru followed at a leisurely pace, hand in hand, savoring the peaceful moment.

As you reached the koi pond, Satoshi knelt by the water's edge, his eyes wide with wonder as he watched the colorful fish swim gracefully. “Look, Papa! The fish are so pretty!”

Satoru crouched beside him, pointing out different koi. “See that one with the golden scales? That’s the king of the pond. And that one over there, with the red spots, is the queen.”

Satoshi’s eyes sparkled with delight as he listened intently to Satoru’s explanations. “Can we feed them, Papa?”

Satoru glanced at you, and you smiled, pulling out a small container of fish food from your pocket. “Here you go, Satoshi. Just a little bit at a time, okay?”

Satoshi nodded eagerly, carefully taking the container from you and sprinkling a small amount of food into the pond. The koi fish swarmed to the surface, their mouths opening and closing as they devoured the food. Satoshi giggled with delight, clapping his hands together.

“Papa, did you know that koi fish can live for over 200 years?” your son exclaimed, his eyes wide with wonder.

Satoru nodded, his gaze never leaving your son’s animated face. “Really? That’s amazing, buddy. Imagine all the stories they could tell.”

Your son giggled, the sound pure and joyful. “Maybe they know magic, too!”

Satoru’s smile widened, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Maybe they do. Maybe they’re the guardians of secret underwater realms.”

You and Satoru stood back, watching your son with fond smiles. “He’s growing up so fast.” you murmured, leaning into Satoru’s side. "Almost four already. He's not our baby anymore, hm?"

“He still is, y'know?” Satoru hummed, his arm wrapping around your shoulders. “but you're right. Soon, he’s going to grow up strong. Our beautiful boy, he’s always going to be loved, too.”

“This is perfect,” you whispered, leaning your head against Satoru’s shoulder. The warmth of his body and the steady beat of his heart grounded you, reminding you of the strength you found in each other. “This is everything we could ever want.

“It is.” Satoru agreed, his voice low and filled with emotion. “Everything is more than I imagined.”

As the moon echoed below the horizon, casting a warm evening glow over the garden, the three of you stood by the koi pond, savoring the simple joys of family and the promise of a future filled with love and hope. All Gojo Satoru had to do was defeat Sukuna. All he had to do was get this over with. Then all will be over. He’ll get to be with you. He’ll get to be with Satoshi. You could be a family in peace.

Gojo Satoru wouldn’t be the strongest then.

He could just be himself, he could just be this.

He could just be your husband, Satoshi’s father.

He can be a human being for the first time in his life.

“Papa, can we stay here forever?” your son asked suddenly, his eyes wide with innocence. Both of you look at him. “You and mama, can we all be here together?”

Your son's innocent question hung in the air, a poignant reminder of the simplicity of childhood dreams. Satoru's gaze softened as he looked down at your son, his expression a mixture of tenderness and wistfulness. It was a question that held a weight far beyond its years, touching on the deepest desires of the heart.

For a moment, neither of you knew quite how to respond. The idea of staying in this tranquil moment forever, frozen in time with your family by your side, was undeniably tempting. Yet, reality loomed on the horizon, with its uncertainties and responsibilities.

Satoru exchanged a glance with you, silently communicating the depth of his emotions. There was a longing in his eyes, a yearning for a life free from the burdens of duty and danger. But beneath it all, there was a fierce determination to protect what mattered most—your family.

With a gentle smile, you reached out and ruffled your son's hair. "We'll always be together, Satoshi. No matter what happens, we'll find a way to stay together."

Satoru's hand found yours, his grip reassuring and firm. "That's right, little lordling. We'll always be here for you, no matter where life takes us."

Your son's eyes sparkled with happiness at your reassurance, his small hand reaching out to clasp both of yours. "Promise?"

You exchanged a knowing look with Satoru, his expression mirroring your own determination. "Promise," you both said in unison, sealing the vow with a tender smile

The soft glow of moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting gentle shadows across the room as you lay entwined with your husband and son. In the tranquil silence of the night, you could hear the steady rhythm of their breathing, a comforting reminder of the love that bound you together.

Wrapped in the warmth of each other's embrace, you felt a profound sense of contentment wash over you. It was in these quiet moments, surrounded by the ones you held most dear, that you found solace from the chaos of the outside world. Here, in the sanctuary of your shared love, you felt invincible, ready to face whatever challenges awaited you.

As you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep, a serene smile graced your lips. In the arms of your beloved family, you knew that no matter what trials lay ahead, you would overcome them with unwavering strength and unwavering love.

“Satoru, my love.” you whispered, your hand entwined with his. “Thank you for being here. For being with us.”

He turned to you, his eyes filled with love. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, darling. You and our son… you’re my everything.”

You smiled, feeling the warmth of his words seep into your heart. “And you’re ours. Always.”

The days turned into weeks, and the time for Satoru’s confrontation with Sukuna drew closer. But instead of being consumed by fear, you found strength in the love that surrounded you. The bond you shared with Satoru, the love you had for your son, and the support of your family gave you the courage to face whatever lay ahead.

On the last evening before Satoru was to leave with you, the three of you all gathered under the stars, the night sky a blanket of twinkling lights above you. Your son sat on Satoru’s lap, his head resting against his father’s chest.

“Papa, will you come back soon?” he asked, his voice small and filled with hope.

Satoru hugged him tightly, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I’ll do everything I can to come back to you, buddy. You and your mama are my entire world. Papa can’t live without any of you.”

Your son nodded, content with his father’s promise. “Me too, papa.”

“Hm?”

“I can’t live without you and mama.” Your son whispers to his father, wiping his father’s tears tenderly. Satoru blinked at his son’s act. “So papa has to do well and come back, with mama?”

In that tender moment, the depth of the bond between father and son was palpable. Satoru's heart swelled with emotion as he gazed into his son's earnest eyes, filled with a love so pure and unconditional it took his breath away. With a lump in his throat, he tightened his embrace, savoring the warmth of his son's small body pressed against his own.

His voice was thick with emotion as he replied, "I promise, buddy. I'll do everything in my power to come back to you and mama. You both mean the world to me, and I can't bear the thought of being without you."

Your son's response was equally heartfelt, his voice soft yet resolute. "I believe in you, papa. We'll be waiting for you, always."

You leaned against Satoru, drawing comfort from his presence. “I love you so much.”

He takes a breath. “I love you too. With everything in me.”

The night was quiet, filled with the gentle sounds of nature and the steady rhythm of your hearts beating in unison. As you closed your eyes, Satoru whispered a silent prayer, to any god listening above. If there ever was one. He prayed.

He wished that he could come home. He wished that he could be with you. He wished that he could watch Satoshi grow up. He wishes for that dream, for that hope, to come true.

That’s what all he could see as he lay there.

Shoko Ieiri looked him in the eyes as he struggled.

He smiles at her and then you, puddle full of tears.

“I love you.” He choked. “You and Satoshi, I love you.”

From faraway Hida, a boy sits by the koi pond and prays.

“I hope that my mama and papa return to good health soon.”

flashback epilogue

The hospital room was cast in a gentle, dim light, creating a serene atmosphere that belied the intensity of the recent events. Satoru sat on the edge of the bed, his broad shoulders relaxed yet filled with a quiet strength as he cradled his newborn son,  little Gojo Satoshi, against his chest. 

With delicate care, he adjusted the soft blankets around little Satoshi, ensuring his newborn son was warm and comfortable. Despite the fatigue evident in his eyes, there was a palpable sense of wonder and tenderness in Satoru's touch as he looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms.

Meanwhile, you lay nearby, your form softened by the relief of finally finding respite after the long and arduous hours of labor. Your face, though etched with exhaustion, held a serene expression, a testament to the profound sense of fulfillment that accompanied the arrival of your precious child.

In that quiet moment, amidst the hushed sounds of the hospital room, the bond between parent and child blossomed, enveloping the room in an aura of warmth and love that seemed to transcend time itself. Satoru couldn’t be happier to carry his whole world in his arms.

Gazing down at the tiny bundle in his arms, Satoru felt a surge of overwhelming love wash over him. With a soft smile, he leaned in close to Satoshi's ear, whispering words of welcome and affection.

"Welcome to the world, my beautiful boy." Satoru murmured, his voice filled with warmth. "D’you know what your name is? What it means?”

The little boy cooed at his father’s words.

Satoru laughed softly, looking at him lovingly.

He was already so attentive towards his father.

“Mama and I decided together, y’know? Your name just had to be Satoshi.” Satoru takes a deep breath, smiling as the baby cooes again. “You’re satisfied, hm? But you’ll like the spelling more, little man.”

Satoru could only feel overwhelmed by what he felt.

He could only feel nothing but joy, nothing but elation.

The dawn was breaking, as it always had before this moment.

But now,  where his own dawn was in his hands, he just smiled.

“Papa chose the character for you. It means 'dawn'.” He whispered to him tenderly, almost like a little lullaby. “Because you are the beginning of a new chapter for our family. You bring light and hope into our lives, just like the dawn brings a new day."

There was a louder coo this time around.

He was more than happy, Satoru thinks.

And he couldn’t be happier than this moment.

This beautiful boy, his darling boy, his dawn.

Satoru pressed a gentle kiss to Satoshi's forehead, marveling at the precious life he held in his arms. "I love you so much, my son," he whispered, his heart overflowing with love and joy at the arrival of their little miracle. “My little dawn.”

[a-court-of-fics-and-errors]

Keep Moving Forwards, Part 8

Azriel x Reader Fic

Summary: After finally deciding to leave your abusive and manipulative mate for good, you find unexpected companionship with Azriel, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court. As you navigate the aftermath of your traumatic relationship, you struggle to understand where the mating bond went wrong and contemplate your path forward, vowing never to return to the past.

Find other parts here: Master List

To follow this fic, follow tag "Keep Moving Forwards Fic" or comment to be tagged in future parts.

Content Warning: This story contains depictions of extreme emotional manipulation and abuse, detailed descriptions of direct physical abuse, and scenes of men hunting women with implied sexual assault. Please read at your own risk.

Word Count: 4.2k

Author's Note: This is a multi-part series. Unlike my previous works, this fanfiction delves deeper than just fluff, exploring complex emotional landscapes. As I navigate this new writing journey, I kindly ask for gentle feedback. The topics addressed are profoundly impactful, touching many lives with diverse experiences. Please be gentle with yourselves and others. Healing is a journey, and everyone processes it differently. Be kind to yourself. Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.

Please continue reading, being aware of the above content warnings, ensuring you are in a healthy headspace. Give yourself time to process and be gentle with yourself.

The world spun around you in a blur of black and gray, and your stomach tossed, rolled, and turned as though you were on a sailing ship. You felt your body rip apart and come together over and over again, every inch of your skin momentarily existing independently from the rest. Your mind was awash, tumbling through space until you finally landed, leaning back on your forearms, on a cool marble floor. Once it felt as though your stomach had settled back into place, the reassuring hands that had grabbed you released their hold. You rolled to your side, placed your hands on either side of you, and emptied the contents of your stomach onto the black and gray floor. Your nose and throat burned as the stew from earlier came up, looking much the same as it had on the way down. Tears stung your eyes as you coughed and hacked.

“It’s okay,” a familiar voice reassured you. “Let it out.”

You continued to spit and hack, your hair falling into your face as sweat poured down your body. A hand came down to rest on your back, and without thinking, you quickly crawled away from it, a fearful whimper escaping you. You whipped your head back to see Azriel, crouching, his hands raised in a gesture of peace. It seemed that’s where his hands always went when you saw each other. Your legs weakly trailed behind you as you pulled yourself to the wall, clutching your knees to your chest. You wiped your mouth with your sleeve, pointed at him, words failing to leave your mouth before the tears overflowed again, and you sobbed out a wailing cry that echoed through the marble room.

Azriel merely looked at you, unsure of what to say as he tried to piece together what had happened. He inched closer to you, still crouched, as though you were a wounded animal who might lash out. “Y/N,” he whispered, extending a hand toward you. As he reached out, you curled tighter into yourself.

“Get away from me!” you screamed at him.

Azriel's hand retracted to his chest. You barely heard the sounds of doors opening and footsteps hurrying up the hallway. You buried your head in your knees, choking sobs making your pants damp and hot.

“What happened?” a female voice rang out, melodic and wavering with concern.

Azriel spoke, “I—” he started, but he was interrupted by a deeper male voice.

“Who’s that?” the voice asked.

Azriel paused, stammering a bit before light hands caressed your shoulder. “Hey,” a female voice cooed. You almost leaned into it but you swung your arm out pushing into the voice, pressing the figure behind you back.

Heavy footsteps rushed toward the female now sitting behind you, having fallen to the ground when you knocked her. As the footsteps approached, the female voice said, “No, it’s okay. I’m fine.”

A different male voice, slightly less deep than the first, spoke with cool collectedness, “Azriel, can you tell us what’s going on?”

Azriel, still stammering over his words, simply said, “She’s from Frostvale, she was attacked.”

Your sobs continued to rack your body, pain shooting through your left side.

The deeper voice replied, “Frostvale is under attack?”

“No,” Azriel replied, “Just her.”

There was a pause, filled only with the sound of your crying as you struggled to suck in suffocating breaths.

The female voice spoke again, “Leave us be. I’ve got her.”

Azriel seemed hesitant but was quickly silenced, and the three sets of heavy footsteps retreated, the doors shutting behind them.

The female remained with you, and you could hear the shift of her clothing as she shuffled herself in front of you. “Hey,” she whispered again. At her voice, you buried your head deeper into your arms.

“You’re safe,” she whispered. “No one is going to touch you or hurt you.”

After a moment of your continued silence, the female shifted a bit more, coming to rest her back against the wall a few feet from you. You must have sat in silence for fifteen minutes as you cried, the female content to be near you. Your sobs began to wane, turning into whimpers as the last bit of your energy seeped out through your tears. You finally found the strength to look up and take in the face of the fae female who had sat with you. Her skin was a soft cream color with light brown freckles dotting her nose and down to her full, pink lips. Her cheeks had a slight pinkish hue as if she had been out in the sun, and her blue-grey eyes softened as she looked at you. Her hair framed her face in soft brown waves, which she pushed behind her pointed ears as she took you in as well. You were sure you did not look nearly as clean or put together as she did.

“Hi,” she whispered, her voice a soft lilt. Your lip trembled slightly. “It’s okay,” she whispered again.

You looked at her, still trying to take her in. She wore only a dark blue sweater and a pair of black linen pants, her feet bare as she sat cross-legged against the wall, her head turned towards you. “You’re not alone,” she crooned.

You wanted to speak but felt the words get caught in your throat, stuck beneath the lump formed by your tears and sobs. The female looked at you, her eyes seemingly searching and digging through the sorrow in your own. “You’ve been through a lot,” she said finally.

You only nodded, feeling childish in front of her. Sensing your struggle to speak, she said, “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know you’re not alone.” She nodded to reassure you, and you nodded back. “My name,” she put her hand to her chest, “is Feyre.”

“You’re in Velaris, in a safe house, where no one can get to you.” She placed her hands on the wall as if to show its strength. “We have food and water,” she continued, “and beds. We have doors that lock, and showers, and no one will touch you or speak to you if you don’t want them to.” Her eyes, seemingly full of care and compassion, locked onto yours. “You can control what happens to you.”

With that last statement, more tears rolled from your eyes. Your fear was overtaken by incredible sorrow, and the sounds you emitted shifted from those of pain to those of profound sadness. “This moment won’t last forever,” Feyre continued. “These feelings are temporary.” Yet they felt as if they would consume you.

“Can I move closer?” Feyre asked, and you nodded slightly.

She shifted closer, close enough that your bloodied, mud-stained toes could brush against her pants as she looked ahead, away from you. “We can stay here as long as you like,” she noted.

You continued your quiet tears as she sat, not looking directly at you but occasionally glancing over. She placed her hand on the floor next to you, her clean skin a stark contrast to your dirtied hands. After a few moments, you reached out, your fingers barely touching hers. Feyre shifted her hand slightly closer, covering your hand with hers. Her touch was cool and seemed to center you. Your tears continued to fall as she lightly brushed her thumb over the back of your hand, your other arm still pressed to your forehead as you cried. Time passed, although you wouldn't have known it, and at some point, so overcome with exhaustion, you finally let sleep take over.

You didn’t even dream.

______________________________________________________________

When you awoke, your eyes burned and were puffy from sobbing, and your face felt sticky from dried tears and snot. You shifted your weight slightly, the bones in your rear sore from the hard floor. The hand that rested on top of yours shifted, and you looked up to see Feyre, still sitting next to you, her eyes shut and head resting against the wall. You swallowed and moved slightly, causing Feyre’s eyes to flutter open and turn to you. “Morning,” she noted.

You glanced around the hall, now illuminated with the soft morning light coming in from the arched windows on the other side. The sparkle within the grey lines of the marble crept through like fingers of a river, reflecting the soft pinks of sunrise.

“Morning,” you croaked back, your voice raw.

Feyre stretched, arching her back slightly, raising her hands above her head, and scrunching her nose before looking back at you. “Breakfast?” she asked.

Your stomach growled, although you felt no hunger. “Or would you like to stay here longer?” she inquired.

You considered it. You felt you deserved to shrivel up and rot here, condemning yourself to sore bones and joints, but your body ached for something softer. You shook your head no.

“Would you like to eat?” she asked. You shook your head no again.

“Would you like to go lie down?” she asked.

You nodded slightly. Feyre gave you a soft smile as she brought her hand back to yours. “Do you think you can stand?” she asked.

You nodded again as Feyre slowly stood, brushing down her pants. “Do you need help up?”

You pressed one hand onto the wall, the other into the floor, and pushed yourself upright. Your legs faltered slightly. In a moment, Feyre grasped your arm to catch you before you fell. “Steady,” she crooned. “One step at a time.” You nodded, your dirty hand smudging the white wall. “Can I put my arm around you?” she asked.

“There are a few rooms just through that door at the end of the hall with beds,” Feyre said. “If you need to stop, just let me know and we can take a break.” You nodded as she smiled slightly. The two of you took small steps forward, yours more of a shuffle than a step, until you were down the hall and through the dark wood doors at the end. The next hall was darker, with no windows, but the soft, plush carpeting was a welcome relief under your feet. Feyre guided you into a bedroom; with the curtains drawn, it was hard to make out anything. With sure footing, Feyre brought you to a bed, sitting you on the edge as she turned down the sheets, urging you to pull your feet in. The soft, clean, cool silk sheets met your legs as she pulled them up around you, your head coming to rest on a pillow of the same fabric. “Do you want me to stay?” she asked.

You shook your head no, though you secretly did. “I won’t be far,” Feyre noted. “If you need anything, just make any noise and I’ll be here.” You nodded, fighting down the growing tears again. “The door locks. Do you want me to lock it for you and leave you the key?” Feyre asked, and you shook your head no. You didn’t feel the need to protect yourself anymore. The worst had already been done.

“I’ll be right out there.” Feyre pointed, although the darkness of the room shrouded her gesture. Without saying anything else, you heard the soft patter of her bare feet as she exited the room, the door clicking shut behind her.

The darkness was a welcome comfort as you pulled the sheets tighter around yourself, silently hating the amount of dirt and filth you were bringing into the clean space. Your mind raced, though nothing specific played in it—just the sounds of Anthea’s echoing sobs, your own screams, the sound of a knife through flesh, and blood hitting the leaves on the forest floor. So much blood. How could one tiny female produce that much blood? You squeezed your eyes shut, a tear escaping. You shouldn’t be here, you thought. You left her behind. If you had forced Anthea to come with you, if you’d pulled her from the ground and made her run, she might still be alive. If you had just done more, been brave enough to fight back more, she would be here right now. You abandoned her. You should have brought her along in your escape. You left her, knowing the fear she had living deep inside her. You watched her hide the entire time you were there; you saw her scurry among the males with a hollow look in her eye, and you chose to leave without her. You were no better than the male who slaughtered her. Those thoughts continued to ring through your mind until a sly voice echoed within.

“Baby?!” the voice sounded, frantic and fearful—your mate. You clenched your eyes shut, trying to close down the bond, but your mind was too weak, and too many voices were taking up space to shut it. “Baby, are you okay?!”

You didn’t respond, only allowing him to continue his frantic panic. “I lost you. I couldn’t hear you, couldn’t even see the bond anymore. I thought you were dead. Are you alright? Where are you?” His words came in a jumble as though he was sending them as quickly as they came into his mind. “What happened?”

You didn’t respond.

“Baby, listen to me,” he said. “I love you. I miss you. I was so worried about you. I haven’t eaten or slept since I stopped feeling you.” He sounded as though he were crying, his concern apparently quite real. “I just—” he paused, “Please tell me where you are.” You let your eyes blink slowly as you listened to his pleas. “Just come home, baby.”

A pause, “I can feel how you hurt,” he said. “Something happened, and I know that you’re hurt. I can feel it.” He paused again, “Let me help you, baby. You don’t have to do this alone.” You continued to listen to his ramblings, his false promises mingling with your own internal monologue of self-hatred. “Don’t shut me out, my love,” he pleaded. “Please.” You couldn’t shut him out, even though you wanted to. 

His pleas, the sweetness of the fruit he offered, were tainted by the venom in his lips. It seemed a fitting punishment for the selfishness that had caused an innocent female to die. “Just come home,” he kept repeating over and over, but your thoughts of home were filled with nothing but bruises and bloodshed. You had no home. Not anymore. The only home you had was within your own skin, which was so bruised, so bloodied, and dirty that it mirrored the feelings you held within. It was a temple of destruction, used by others for their own needs—a body, a home for everyone you hated.

You swallowed, tears no longer wanting to flow as your mind continued to race. You fell in and out of weary sleep, his voice still crooning to you, beckoning you to give him a piece of where you were. Finally, you fell into a restless sleep, his voice an unwelcome lullaby.

______________________________________________________________

Flowers, a field of flowers, and the warmth of the sun kissing your cheeks as you wandered out of the treeline and into the expanse of summer colors. Purples of snowbells intermingled with the oranges of fire lilies, pinks of edelweiss, and the yellows of leopardsbane all swayed in the breeze as you walked barefoot, feeling the softness of the meadow grass under your feet. You tilted your face to the sky, basking in the afternoon heat, breathing in the fresh mountain air. Summer. Summer bliss.

You continued through the meadow, unsure of your destination, following paths made by the wildlife before you. The light linen, cream-colored dress you wore skirted down to your midcalf, its fabric soft against your skin, dancing in the wind. The air felt full, and each breath came easier than the last. As you reached the middle of the field, you saw your mate as he was when he was young, lying in the grass. His brown summer pants were tied loosely around his ankles, his feet also bare. The cream linen shirt he wore lay open on his chest, rising and falling in time with your own breaths. He sat up as you approached, curling one leg up to rest his chin on his knee.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He held his hand out to you, strong and powerful, and you took it. His warm, calloused fingers wrapped around yours as he brought your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it.

“My love,” he whispered, placing another kiss on your skin, “my life,” he pulled you closer, running his hand up the length of your leg, lifting your dress as he scaled your soft, supple skin, “my mate,” he whispered as he exposed your thigh, pressing a tender kiss near your knee. You closed your eyes, your mouth opening slightly as you let out a breathy sigh. He pressed more soft kisses into your leg, pulling your foot to rest on his knee, his hands grazing over your skin. “Come here,” he whispered, his hands trailing up to your hips as you lowered yourself into his lap. You draped your arms around the back of his neck in a lazy hold as he pressed his forehead to yours, eyes meeting. The sun beat down on your hair, warming you, the soft breezes still pulling the flowers to and fro. He pressed his hand to your abdomen, his thumb tracing lines up and down as he kissed you softly, urging a gentle moan of delight from you. He tasted of sweet summer wine, and you craved another as you pulled him back in.

Your mate pulled back, your eyes still shut, mouth parted slightly as he grasped your face between his soft palms, his thumbs brushing your hair back from your face, blown in by the gentle summer wind. “Look at me, my love,” he urged. Your eyes fluttered open, and you saw his face, now more similar to the way he looked in the present, no longer the young male you had fallen in love with so many years ago. “We can make this right,” he urged. “We can spend our summers in the meadows; you can pick wildflowers and press them into books.” He looked deeply into your eyes as your stomach churned. “We can spend days at the river like we used to.” He released your face, placing one hand on your abdomen. “We can have a family.”

You pressed your forehead against his, whispering softly, “You can’t promise me that.”

He whispered back, “I can. I was scared, I made mistakes—”

“You can’t. You can’t do this, it’s not in you,” you whispered, shaking your head against his as you ran your thumbs over his hair. “You hurt me.”

“I know, baby,” his voice wavered with tears. “I know I did. And I can’t take that back. It kills me to know what I’ve done to you.”

“Don’t,” you whispered, “Don’t call me that.”

He sniffled as you continued to rub gentle circles over his hair. “You can’t do this anymore. You can’t pretend to care.”

“It’s not pretend,” he pulled back, his eyes red with tears. “I love you.”

You looked at him, your hands dropping to your lap. “You can love me and not care for me. Just as I can love you and despise you.”

His eyes grew heavy, darkening slightly. “You can’t say that.”

“You don’t get to control what I say.”

He looked into your eyes, his hand finding yours and pulling it to his heart. “My heart beats only for you, Y/N, just as yours for mine. We were blessed to find one another, to be mated. Do you know how rare that is?”

You gulped down tears, refusing to let them fall. “The Cauldron can be wrong. The Mother can be wrong.”

“How can you say that when so many go their entire lives without ever finding their mate? Spend centuries searching for them, never knowing their faces. We found each other.” He crooned, his hand pressing to your heart. “We belong to each other.”

You pushed back on him. “I am not your property.” You stood, smoothing down your dress. “I am not something to be used and discarded when you see fit just because of some predetermined destiny.” You threw down at him. He looked up at you, anger lining his eyes.

“You are my mate,” he said, calmly but losing his composure.

“I am no one’s.” You bit back. “If my mate is to be feared, to hurt me over and over, to strip me of everything I care about and everything I am, the Mother and the Cauldron can burn in hell.”

Your mate pushed himself upright, standing in front of you, his eyes narrowing. “Perhaps you are just poison to everyone you meet.” Your mouth opened slightly as storm clouds rolled in, shadows darkening. “Like that poor female you left to die.”

“You know nothing of that,” you said.

“Oh, but I do,” he continued. “When you let me back in, I sifted through your mind, your memories. Such a sad image, that poor girl. So young and skinny.”

“You don’t get to speak of her.”

“Then you shouldn’t have shared her with me.” He smiled. “That’s your problem. You think you can control everyone around you, and when you can’t, you run. You didn’t get your way with me, so you ran. You couldn’t convince this poor, innocent female to stand, so you ran, and she died for it.” You turned away, trying to walk away, but he gripped your arm. “You can’t run from this,” he said.

When you turned around, over his shoulder you saw the bloodied, battered body of Anthea standing in the shadows, her body red from head to toe and her head nearly severed from her neck, hanging to the side. “You can’t leave,” her mouth whispered from across the field. A scream caught in your throat, and before it could escape, your mate pulled you into himself. “You’re safe with me. You can make this right. Just tell me where you are.”

The storm clouds rolled in as you stared wide-eyed at that poor female across the meadow, stuck to the shadows of the treeline. The wind picked up, the colors of the flowers fading as the sun was overtaken by clouds. Your eyes never left Anthea, and in a crack of lightning, she was gone. The world seemed to boil around you as wind picked up and rain poured down on you and your mate. He held you, whispering softly, “Just show me.”

______________________________________________________________

You awoke in a dripping sweat and hurled yourself from the bed, your body aching as it collided with the floor with a thud. Vomit rose in your throat as you spotted a soft light coming from another room. Picking yourself up, you hurried over, opened the lid of the toilet, and released bile into it. With nothing in your stomach to vomit, you hacked, coughed, and spat. You closed the lid, sitting back and resting your head on the toilet as you tried to catch your breath, slamming down the bond. The sound of your heartbeat echoed in your ears.

“You okay?” The voice startled you. When you turned, Feyre was standing in the doorway, now dressed in a simple linen gown that ran to her knees, still barefoot.

You gulped back, your chest still heaving. “Yeah,” you said, “just nightmares.”

Feyre nodded slightly. “Can I bring you anything?”

You ran your hands over your eyes and face before declining.

Feyre hesitated slightly. “You need to eat something.”

“I’m fine,” you responded.

Feyre bit her lip. “From the contents of what came out of you, I would disagree.”

You turned to look over your shoulder at the empty bowl. “I’m fine, really. Just tired.”

Feyre crossed her arms, lightly rubbing them. “Azriel told me what happened.”

You crossed your arms, looking down. “It was a terrible thing, what happened to her.”

You only nodded, your eyes feeling as if they would overflow with tears. “And what happened to you,” she continued.

You wiped your eyes with your sleeve. “Nothing happened to me.”

Feyre leaned against the doorframe. “I don’t think that’s true.”

“I’m fine,” you bit back slightly, turning to her. “It’s not your problem.”

“You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to feel that all of this is unfair.”

“It’s not—” you started and paused, “just—just stop. Please.” You pleaded.

Feyre nodded, sighing out. “If you want to wash up, the shower works. And I will bring up some fresh clothes for you.” Feyre turned, taking one more second to look at you before disappearing back into the dark room.

You took in your surroundings, a marble bathroom with columns in each corner. In front of you was a magnificent vanity with a small bundle of fae light at the top of the giant, curving mirrors, in front of each sink and basin. To your left, an open-air shower with intricate tile work swirling through the floor, and across from it, a large bathtub with columns lining the corners. The room itself was larger than your cabin’s living room and kitchen combined. You considered taking a shower, almost melting at the thought of the dirt and blood draining off you, cleaning the debris from the forest floor from your hair. And then you remembered how Anthea would never be clean again, would never feel the warmth of that water, and you pushed your own wants from your mind. You instead stood, walked back out into the room, and sat back on the bed, the darkness surrounding you as you stared into it.

Thanks again to those who have asked to be tagged in this fic:

@thatacotargirl @mcuamerica @lilah-asteria @florabelll @fightmedraco @marvelbros-oneshots @mariahoedt @quinzzelx @romantasyreader28 @minnieoo @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @annabethgranger123 @krowiathemythologynerd @scatteredstardustt @romantacyreader28

[magnificentstrawberryomen]

Indisposed (Noah Sebastian fanfiction) chapter five

18+

Autors note: i truly love yall's reactions to this story so far, it makes me laugh but also feel so happy as well 😂 :) also just a heads up a big part of this chapter is very nsfw, you have been warned gyuihojgv

--

chapter five

My head is spinning with thoughts and my heart is racing with feelings and sadness, so with a sigh I grab my cigarettes and dark red lighter-of course the lighter Noah once gave to me when we had a smoke break together, and I forgot to bring mine, he told me I could keep it-to climb onto my window still, sit on  it, and light a cigarette. While doing so, I look outside, the wind softly blowing through my hair, staring at the moon at the midnight blue sky.

While I smoke, I am deep in thought. In a few hours, the world wakes up again, and I have to pretend that his night didn’t happen with Noah. That I am just his friendly friend-assistant that styles him and does his make up, nothing more. I have to pretend that I didn’t gain so many romantic feelings for him this night, we have to keep this night a secret and lock it up and never look at it again. But, am I capable of doing that?

I sigh when I put my cigarette out, breathing out the last bit of it out of the window. I decide to just climb into bed, to sleep and try to let this night pass as fast as possible. 

As I try to fall asleep, it takes me at least an hour, feeling restless and still thinking too much. But after laying sleepless for a while, I finally, slowly, with pain around my heart, fall asleep.

The next morning arrives, and I groan when I try to put the alarm from my phone off. I sigh, rub my eyes, and stare at the ceiling for a while.

Immediately flashes of last night fill my mind-the afterparty, drunkenly stumbling into my hotel room with Noah, us talking, teasing each other, getting close, and finally having sex. And after that, the most intense conversation with him followed, the most emotional and heartfelt eye contact with him… making me realize I have completely and utterly fallen in love with Noah.

As the time passes, I blink and awake myself from my thoughts again, realizing I really have to get out of bed now. In a hurry, I get everything back into my suitcase, and when I get to the bathroom, last night fills my mind again. Noah standing behind me when I didn’t realize he had entered the bathroom, him teasing me, me teasing him back and making the first move, him seeing me naked for the first time… and of course everything that happened after that fills my mind again. 

I shake my head, cursing, telling myself that I need to focus, and begin to brush my hair, putting in a headband to keep my hair out of my face and brush my teeth afterwards. I clean it up when I’m done and put all my stuff from my bathroom back into my suitcase as well. 

I sigh deeply while I walk into the sleeping era from my hotel room again. I look into my suitcase, deciding what I can wear when we go back on the road again. My eyes get stuck on a black hoodie, a black hoodie Noah once gave to me when I was cold and had nothing warm to wear. I grab it, and can’t help but push my nose into it, and get a warm feeling inside when it smells just like him.

I also can’t help but put his hoodie on, it’s just too soft and comfortable… and at least his scent will be around me the whole time like a warm hug, a warm hug I can’t get from himself. When I’ve also put on jeans and my sneakers, I sigh nervously. There is one thing left to do… and that’s getting breakfast. But the thing that makes me so nervous about it… is that I always get breakfast with the band. Which means I have to face Noah again.

With a racing heart, I make my way towards the breakfast cafe after locking the door behind me. I nervously play with my fingers before I take a deep breath, walking towards the table where Noah and the rest of the band are already sitting. Okay, I got this. Just play it cool…

Noah is seated at the table with the others, all of them chatting and laughing with each other as usual, but he doesn’t seem engaged at all, which breaks my heart a little. His eyes then notice me walking up, but I can see that he pretends to sip his coffee like everything was normal.

`Hey, there she is!´ Nick already greets me, and I try to smile back as warmly as his voice sounds. I sit down at the table next to Nicholas, Jolly and Nick sit in front of us and Noah sits at the end of the table next to me. I can’t help but feel my own heart sink when Noah continues sipping his coffee, saying nothing to me,

`Goodmorning, Nick,´ I greet him back, forcing myself to smile.

`How’d you get any sleep?´ Nick asks me.

`It was… okay,´ I lie.

`Yeah, I know it was a hell of a party last night. You drank so much, ha-ha,´ Nick responds with a laugh.

I hear Jolly chuckle next to him, and he and Nick give each other a curtain look and smirk, and I raise my eyebrows a bit.

`Uh, yeah, let myself go there a little,´ I laugh awkwardly.

When Jolly and Nick keep giving each other looks and grins, I narrow my eyes.

`What’s so funny?´ I ask them.

`Nothing, Hailey, ignore those two children,´ Nicholas says while rolling his eyes, putting his fork down and poking Nick in his side after.

`Okay…´ I say with confusion, trying to eat some food, hoping that it will work with my nerves and all.

`It’s just that…´ Nick starts, making Jolly snort.

`Nick, no,´ Nicholas hisses, making Nick roll his eyes and laugh.

`What? If we weren’t supposed to know or say anything, why were they so loud last night?´ Nick says while shrugging. 

I now look at Noah, hoping he understands any of this inside joke of theirs. His jaw tenses again, and he turns his head to glare at Nick to mumble under his breath: `Shut the hell up Nick…´

`Ah, c’mon man, we are happy that you two finally took the step,´ Nick says with a laugh, and my heart stops beating for a second while my head slowly turns red.

Oh no. Is that where this is all about…?

`Yeah, like, how long have you two been circling around each other now? Months?´ Jolly adds.

Noah’s jaw is starting to clench even more, his fist slightly clenching now as well. `I said, shut up…´ he says through gritted teeth, his gaze now growing even angrier at both Nick and Jolly. I begin to feel really, really uncomfortable.

`Nick, Jolly, shut the fuck up please,´ Nicholas says with annoyance, then looking at me and Noah with a worried look. Nicholas has always been the most mature, calm and caring person of the band, which is why he has become such a good friend and person to talk to through the past half year.

I just stare at my plate in embarrassment, and Nick and Jolly just mumble to each other underneath their breath, and I try my best to ignore it, unable to speak or move. I just keep on staring at my plate with the minutes ticking by, not knowing what to do, and I just cannot look at Noah at all right now-the whole table just turned silent and awkward.

I can feel Noah suddenly staring at me, and it all just becomes too much. `Excuse me,´ I mumble when I abruptly stand up, my chair slightly squeaking against the floor when I do so. I start walking away at a fast pace, desperately needing some fresh air in my lungs.

`I told you guys to just shut up about it. My god,´ I can still hear Nicholas mumble when I walk away, and when I hear  another chair squeak, I know that Noah is following me.

I just walk out of the breakfast cafe at the first exit I see, entering a sort of garden visitors can sit in, full of long, bright trees, and colorful, big bright flowers. I spot a wooden bench in the middle of the small garden, tiles clicking underneath my sneakers when I walk towards it to sit down, trying to catch my breath properly.

I can see a shadow hovering over me, and when I look up I see Noah standing in front of me, the sun behind him shining on his soft brown hair, and I swallow. `Hi,´ I greet him quietly.

For a while, Noah just stands there, staring at me for a moment. His eyes seem hurt but also soft as he notices me wearing the hoodie he once gave to me. ‘Hey,’ he then finally responds, his voice soft and quiet.

‘How did you sleep?’ I manage to ask him.

‘Like the dead,’ he honestly answers me. ‘Although… I didn’t exactly wake up very well this morning….’

Noah’s eyes are avoiding mine a bit now, and I begin playing with the strings of his hoodie again. ‘Me neither,’ I sigh, and his head lowers a little when he hears my response.

‘We have to hit the road again in a few hours,’ I then say, trying to talk to him in a way I would normally do as he sits next to me on the wooden bench, because we have to pretend like nothing happened last night either way… right?

He looks away for a brief second, seeming to try to keep his emotions for himself and unexposed to me. ‘Uhm, yeah… right. The venue is only about an hour away, as I heard.’

‘Yeah… I’ve seen the schedule. So, since the venue will be more warm tonight, I’ve been thinking about changing some things about your guys outfits for tonight-not in a dramatic way or something, don’t worry. But since at some point you wear that black blouse, right, I’ve been thinking of giving you a black t-shirt underneath it for when it gets warm and you decide to take it off if you want to, maybe that one with the Bad Omens logo at the corner top? I don’t know yet,’ I just ramble on, trying to act as normally and casually as possible, as if today will be a normal day again. 

Noah nods. ‘Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. That black t-shirt is a staple for sure. I like that one…’

‘Great. I’ll make sure it will be ready in your dressing room tonight.’ I try to sound enthusiastic, but know I fail a little. After that I just get quiet, not really knowing what to say anymore. I really suck at pretending.

I can feel him staring at me when I look down at my own hands, and I hear him take a deep breath, as if he needed to give himself courage, when he quietly asks me: ‘So… you’re going to be… normal with me now?’

‘I mean… I have no choice right?’ I ask him with a sad smile, a pang shooting me through the chest. ‘Show must go on. I’ll just be part of your team again… dress and style you... and that’s it. How it always has been.’

At first he can’t really respond to that, looking conflicted with himself and the situation, his fist slightly clenched. ‘Yeah… Guess so,’ he just mumbles, his head now turning away from mine.

My heart aches when I see him like this,  so defeated, and clearly equally as sad about this whole situation as me. This isn’t how my teasing, joking, exciting and beaming Noah normally is around me… and it breaks my heart. His arms are crossed as he now looks at the sky.

‘I hope you know that…’ I sigh, struggling with finding the right words. ‘Last night wasn’t just nothing to me, Noah. It truly has been the best intimate moment I’ve ever had with someone,’ I gulp, trying to get myself to stay calm. ‘It’s just… with my and your position… I guess we just can’t.’

I get sad when he still doesn’t look back at me, and my hand slowly moves towards his knee… to just let it rest there in a gesturing manner… but I decide that that will only make things harder for us, so I just pull my hand back again. 

‘I just… don’t know what else to say,’ I say with a hoarse voice, still hoping he will look back at me, but he still doesn’t while staying quiet. So I just slowly nod, standing up again. ‘I’ll be on the tour bus, we are about to leave in…’ I look at my watch, and sigh. ‘Half an hour.’

Noah just nods, still not facing me. ‘I’ll see you…’ he whispers, sounding like his voice is about to crack. 

It hurts, it hurts so much that that’s the only response I get from him. Is that really all he has to say to me? After all that I just said to him?

`Yeah, see you,’ I mumble back, sounding hurt and frustrated, slowly walking away from him.

‘No wait-please don’t,’ I hear Noah whisper behind me, his voice sounding broken and desperate. I immediately turn around when I finally hear him speak, and my heart shatters when I see him this vulnerable, this broken, filled with tears in his eyes. I can’t help but walk back to him and quickly wrap my arms around him, his head leaning into my chest because of that, my hands stroking his hair gently and carefully.

It feels like his body almost collapses in my embrace when he feels my arms wrapped around him, and his own arms wrap around my waist so tightly in a quick response, and I feel his tears soaking up my hoodie. I try to hold back my own tears, and it feels like Noah breaking down to me like this has to something more than just last night. I do remember him sometimes vaguely telling me that he has moments where he feels very alone during tour, missing his friends and family he always has to leave behind while going on the road. That he sometimes misses someone around him, especially when he’s all alone and has to sleep in a strange hotel room. And when a band member joins him to share a room, it just doesn’t help, and it isn’t what he needs either… Is that why he is reacting so emotionally and sad about our situation? 

Noah clings onto me tightly, not letting me go for even a second. He holds onto me like he never wants to let me go, like he can’t let me go, and it breaks my soul. He just keeps on sobbing in my hoodie.

‘Hey… it's okay,’ I whisper to him while still gently stroking his hair. ‘It’s okay, you’re not alone,’ I add, knowing and sometimes noticing how alone he can feel during tour, it matching the words I just thought about, knowing that last night probably meant a lot to him… because for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t alone, and someone was loving and touching him, caring for him… really seeing him. 

And I can’t help but feel the same way-tour and being on the road for the first time away from my friends and family has been very lonely for me as well. And that’s why I’m so glad that Noah and I started to get along so well, it was very helpful to get through the hard and lonely moments. And now that last night happened… I truly felt so complete and seen by him, so adored, so beautiful and sexy, and wanted… A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time-maybe never…

Noah’s grip just strengthens so much after my caring whispers to him, and he holds on tighter to my hoodie, his tears still soaking into the black fabric. ‘But… I feel so alone,’ he mutters between sobs between his tears, his whole body trembling so much in my embrace as his tears just keep flowing. He clings onto me with such need, such heartbreak, and fear. 

‘I know, I know,’ I say, leaning my head on top of his soft hair. ‘But you’re not. As long as I’m here, you’re not.’

Hearing my words makes Noah’s body shake so much with emotions that I myself have to hold him even tighter, his body getting unstable because of his heartbreaking sobs. My heart breaks into a million pieces for this man I’ve begun to care so much about in such a short time, and I’ve completely fallen for since last night. I have never seen him like this, so broken and desperate for love, reassurance and care-he normally puts on such a brave face to everyone. 

‘I’m here, I won’t leave,’ I whisper back, still stroking his hair, hoping and praying that I can keep my promise to him.

‘Please hold me… I need you to hold me,’ Noah then mumbles between his tears, his words cracking as he speaks.

‘I’m here, holding you as long as you need,’ I softly and warmly say to him, my arms wrapping tighter around him. His head is still gently resting on my chest as he lets out his suffering and hurt. 

After a minute of two, Noah’s sobs begin to slow down, his body shaking less and less, but he still holds into me. His sobs gradually become soft breathing and he then lets out a content sigh, and gently rubs the tip of his nose into my chest, nuzzling to me with absolute affection. My heart completely explodes, being overflowed with all kinds of emotions for him. I gently press a kiss on his head, slightly blushing while doing so.

He then gently rubs his cheek against my chest, feeling comfortable in my arms, and we both don’t yet want to move, just relishing in this moment of intimacy. Minutes pass by, us just being intertwined and connected like this, my arms wrapped around him and Noah's face buried in my chest while I can feel his breathing slow down and become peaceful again. 

‘Noah,’ I then whisper, ‘I hate to say this, but it’s time to go. We have to get ready to leave with the bus.’

He doesn’t respond to my words, at least not at first. But after a few moments, he just finally mutters out quietly: ‘Do we have to?’

That makes me chuckle, and I shake my head while doing so. ‘Yeah, silly, we have to go. The venue is an hour away and we have to get everything ready in time.’

Nah holds me for just a few moments longer, making my heart feel warm by the way he still wants to hold me so close to him, before he slowly tilts his head from my chest and raises it to look at me with reddened, but calm eyes now, and a soft smile on his handsome face. 

‘One more minute?’ he pleads to me quietly, and I smile back at him, he is adorable like that, I can’t lie.

‘I wish we could have that one minute, but we really have to go I fear,’ I respond, but I do give him a small peck on his lips. 

Then, he slowly pulls back from me, and looks into my eyes. `Okay… I guess it’s time,’ he murmurs quietly, a small smile still left on his lips from my kiss. 

‘Let's go,’ I smile and I hold out my hand for him, which he takes when he stands up again. He squeezes my small hand compared to his large one, and then with the faintest smile left on his face he takes a deep breath, exhales, and gently starts walking with me towards the tour bus. I also try to keep the most stable expression on my face, my heart and body already missing his embrace, and I have the feeling that I’m not the only one feeling that way. 

The crew has already loaded in our suitcases, and I can notice that some crew members give us puzzled (and some worried, since you can still tell that Noah cried) looks when they see us holding hands. But lucky for us, they don’t ask us questions, and I feel quite relieved by that.

When we step into the tour bus, Nicholas is the first person who spots us, looking at Noah and me in worry when he also sees that Noah has cried. Noah excuses himself to the toilet, probably to freshen up, and that makes me sit next to Nicholas with a deep sigh. I have to admit, right now I’m kinda glad that Nick and Jolly are probably asleep in the back of the bus. Don’t get me wrong, I know they can be very caring as well, but one wrong comment and Noah would probably lose it.

‘What’s up?’ Nicholas asks me immediately when I sit down, and I bite my lip. Nicholas has always been a good and sweet person to me, always listening to me when I have worries, and giving me the best piece of advice. He has opened me with warm and open arms since the beginning of working for the band, and for that I will always be thankful. He truly became a good friend. 

But can I share this secret with him though? I mean, since what happened this morning at breakfast, it obviously isn’t a secret to the band anymore that me and Noah have slept together. But… it has become more than just that. 

‘Noah just has a hard time on tour sometimes, missing his family and all, it’s making him feel a bit lonely sometimes,’ I just respond. I mean, it's half of the truth, but the truth that he probably already knew.

‘Oh,’ Nicholas responds quietly, giving me a soft and empathetic look. ‘Yeah, I know that he can struggle quite a lot with that.’

But his look is pushing me towards the truth, towards the one thing that is bothering me-something that Nicholas has always been very good at. Goddamnit. 

‘Here’s the thing…’ I begin with a sigh. ‘Me and Noah… we slept together. It’s just… I fear it began feeling more than just sex to us as the night went on,’ I explain, my cheeks turning a little red as I do so. Nicholas ’eyes widen a bit at my revelation, making my stomach flip a little with nerves.

 ‘I see,’ he finally responds calmly after seeming to have progressed a bit from what I have been saying.

‘I know! I know, it’s messed up,’ I groan, leaning my head against the window next to me with my eyes squeezed shut.

‘May I ask why you two slept together?’ Nicholas then probes gently, after a moment of silence.

My eyes flutter open again  and I think about his question for a moment. ‘Well… ever since I joined the team, and got to know Noah… there has been something between us. Some kind of tension. Teasing, joking… At some point some flirting got involved. Like, I guess we always had mutual attraction to one another, and we always get along so well. And if I’m being honest… because of the way has looked at me before, and acted towards me before-and me probably as well-we wanted to have this moment way, way earlier. But we never really got the chance… until last night.’ I sadly smile while thinking back at it. ‘And… I guess a lot of feelings got involved.’

Nicholas just listens to me intently, silently listening to me explaining everything in a complete and true way. Of course, he can tell that I’m not done talking, and holding something back.

‘Do you think Noah has feelings for you, too?’ he then finally quietly asks me.

I shrug, playing with the strings of Noah’s sweater again, it’s really turning into a nervous habitat now. ‘I don’t know… I mean, it seems like it?’

Nicholas just studies my face intently again, knowing exactly where my mind is going at this moment, as always. He can probably see my confusion, the doubt, the anxiety, the questions all flashing through my face like some giant, confusing and overwhelming storm. He moves closer to me, and places his warm hand on my shoulder as reassurance and care. 

‘It's just… It's not fucking fair,’ I say, a tear now escaping from my eye. ‘Like.. I have the feeling like I have finally found that special person everyone always writes songs and movies about, y’know? In the span of just one fucking night. Then why does my job position have to make this so complicated?’

Nicholas still holds onto my shoulder and rubs it comfortingly when he sees tears now sliding down my cheeks from both my eyes, as a complete wave of sadness and despair probably wash over my face while I speak. His face is completely solemn at the moment, but then he finally soothingly mutters to me: ‘I know…’

I now fully turn my body to him as I begin to speak again, looking at him with curiosity. ‘I mean… It’s not like something like this is forbidden, right? I think I’ve seen some other artists that dated a team member before… or would we come into trouble with our management or something? What do you think?’

I know I must sound completely desperate now, desperate for that one good, hopeful answer from him that can indeed confirm that what Noah and I are doing isn't wrong and can be allowed, and to be honest, I am indeed desperate for that answer. Nicholas takes a deep, contemplative breath as he thinks for a moment, and looks into my eyes while thinking out loud. 

‘Well, honestly… I don’t think there is an official rule against the lead being with someone from the team. I’ve indeed seen it happen as well… But I know that management isn’t going to be really happy about it if it gets out. So, probably, you have to keep things really quiet-like, low profile, and under wraps. They’re gonna want to keep the whole image and reputation of the band squeaky clean.’

I am very close to answering him that I could totally do that out of the utter desperation for Noah and getting to be with him, but honestly… could I? Could we? Having to live in a secret and pretend to the band’s audience-and the rest of the world-that nothing’s going on between me and Noah? What if paparazzi or news reporters ask about Noah’s love life? What would he have to answer every single time?

Nicholas now squeezes my shoulder gently as a way of comforting me as he can see the anxiousness now growing on my face, taking in everything he just informed me, and going through a whole mental wave of doubts and concerns on how to handle things. ‘Look, it's gonna be okay. You guys can make it work, if you really want to, and if you two really care about each other enough… It’s just probably gonna take some patience,’ he mutters to me, calmly as always.

‘But… how do I know Noah even wants to go that way with me?’

Nicholas just looks gently into my worried eyes, thinking for a moment. He then responds: ‘The only thing I can honestly say… Is that time will tell. You two will have to get the chance to talk about all of this sooner or later. Then just see what happens from there.’

I nod, quickly wiping away a few tears that still hang on my chin, looking at him with a soft and thankful smile. ‘Thank you so much, Nicholas, truly.’

And just after I say that I can see Noah appear out of the toilet again, making my stomach flip. I wonder if he could have picked anything up from me and Nicholas’ conversation while he was in there, but I just hope he didn’t. He notices us sitting together as he is walking towards us, and I smile kindly at him.

‘Hi Noah,’ I sweetly greet him with a soft voice, while Nicholas gets up so Noah can sit next to me now, patting Noah on the back with a sweet and reassuring smile.

‘Hi yourself,’ Noah smiles back at me, sitting next to me on the couch, giving me a gentle kiss on the cheek. The gesture is quite unexpected to me, so I blush.

‘How are you feeling now?’ I ask.

‘Bit better,’ Noah responds with a genuine, comforting smile, and I hope that it’s at least half of the truth. 

‘I’m glad,’ I say, patting his knee with my hand before looking out of the window again, admiring the view as we drive. Since going on tour with the band, I have come across so many places I have never been to before in the US, a country I haven't been born and raised in. I was born and raised in a small, religious town in the United Kingdom, and trust me when I say I have never felt this free before.

I can feel Noah stare at me, so I look back at him with a small grin. ‘Enjoying the view, hm?’ I say, and I can’t help but tease him a little again.

Noah looks at me like he has been caught in the act for a moment, but then his eyes light up with a smirk at my tease with a nod. ‘ Very much,’ he says, before leaning forward a bit.

‘The view sitting right next to me is actually absolutely breathtaking,’ he adds with an even bigger smirk, as I realize that he’s talking about me.

My heart races when I hear his smooth compliment, and I smirk back just as big. ‘Wow, well thank you,’ I say, playfully tucking my hair behind my ears.

‘You’re very welcome,’ Noah grins while nodding again, the playful flirtation between us starting to flow again. His gaze now trails from my face down to my neck, to his long and to me oversized sweater hanging on my body, a smirk playing at his face.

I blush, remembering I haven’t talked about his hoodie yet. ‘Yeah, I saw it in my suitcase… it’s just comfortable okay…’

A grin lights up Noah’s face as he sees my face getting a redder color again. ‘Hey, you don’t have to justify or explain yourself to me… I think it looks great on you.’

I smile shyly at him. ‘Thank you,’ I say, and then let out a quick laugh. Noah looks at me with a questioning look, and I shake my head when I laugh yet again. 

‘Nothing… I just… For some reason I just pictured you in a tank top of my own. Don’t think that one is gonna fit you,’ I snort.

Noah chuckles when I snort. ‘Oh yeah? Never thought of me as a tank top kinda guy?’ he teases, and it seems like he is smirking more and more at my funny imagination. 

‘It’s just…’ I can’t even finish when my laughter just becomes more. My god, I can really laugh at the most unserious and pointless stuff. ‘That's not it. Noah, our sizes are quite different, so…’ I just burst out laughter while I keep shaking my head, my eyes squeezing shut and my hand on my stomach.

Noah joins my laughter as I can’t even finish my sentence, and he then scans over his own large, tall body, and my smaller, curvy frame, and he seems to can’t help and smirk even more.

‘Yeah… We might have just a tiny size difference, huh?’ he jokes between laughs. 

‘Just a little,’  I giggle, hitting my fist lightly at his arm brushing against mine next to his and Noah grins again.

‘You are so tiny. Compared to my tall, hot self, of course,’ he teases, playfully pulling me closer and wrapping his large, strong arms around me. My eyebrows raise, now smirking back at him.

‘Oh yeah, yeah. You’re such a big guy,’ I wink.

His grin only turns bigger as he feels my body moving closer to his as well, wrapping his whole arm around my waist now and leaning us back into the couch with me in his arms, a sexy smug smile on his face.

‘Damn right I am…’ he chuckles, letting his fingers run underneath his hoodie I am wearing, sliding under the material from the inside as they trail gently up my bare stomach. And he makes it do all kinds of flips the moment his fingers touch my skin, my heart pounding loudly in my own ears.

‘Oh, I know. I think I remember seeing it last night,’ I smirk, obviously talking about something else than just him being tall.

Noah smirks even more now as he sees my stomach muscles involuntarily flex at his light, trailing touch under the fabric I’m wearing, his fingers sliding up higher and higher, right up my stomach’s middle. He looks into my eyes with that same, seductive gaze, his face now just inches from mine as he lets out a small chuckle. 

‘Oh, really now?’ he murmurs softly, his voice smooth and low right next to my ear.

‘Hmhm,’ I hum in response, going absolutely insane from his touch and voice alone, but I try my best to not let him notice. ‘I even remember it feeling quite good inside of me.’

Noah's breath now grows heavier as he smirks once more, his eyes now darkened, and he now slides his palm under the middle of my stomach in a slow, gentle caress. ‘What else do you remember…?’ he whispers next to my ear, his voice low and huskier than ever.

 ‘I also remember my hand wrapping around it at some point… my mouth,’ I whisper back in his ear, teasing him just as much back with my words alone.

I can feel his pants becoming tight at my words, and he lets out a low growl as he slides his hand a little higher under my hoodie, feeling the soft skin of my body. ‘I think you might have to go into a little more detail with all that,’ he rasps in my ear, his warm breath hitting my sensitive skin as he lets out that sexy growl, his breathing heavier again as he lets his fingers slide higher, and higher. 

I bite my lip when his lips trail over my neck, almost wanting to let out a small whimper, so I close my eyes. ‘Well… I also remember you inside of me… me on top of you, riding you until I left you quite breathless,’ I whisper back into Noah’s ear, leaving a small kiss on his own neck after.

He grabs my body even more tightly against him in his strong arms, as if he's gonna explode from the intense desire that shot through his body from my seductive words I whispered into his ear. His breathing only grows heavier and faster in this moment, and I feel my own breathing rising up as well. 

‘Fuck,’ he groans softly, low, and husky-voiced in my ear, as his fingers slide into the middle of my stomach now.

‘Do my words affect you, big boy?’ I can’t help but teasingly ask him with a smirk, looking him right into his eyes while doing so.

Noah’s eyes are even darker with lust in this moment, groaning again when he gets called like that by me. ‘You know they do,’ he quietly says, his gaze so intense that I can almost feel it burning into me.

‘Hmm. Good, good,’ I smile evilly while looking at his lips, licking my own after. 

He now lets his hand slide slowly and more intensely up the skin of my bare stomach underneath my sweater, feeling me and almost pulling me in with his fingers, trying to get me as close as possible in my current position. His eyes don’t even waver as they remain firmly set into mine, and they look so intense, and dark.

‘You have no idea how badly I want you right now,’ he almost whispers in a moan.

His words and fingers on my stomach alone already make me feel so damp down there, and God, I want him so bad too. ‘Hmm… I guess you have to be a little patient until we arrive, Noah. You can’t just fuck me right here on the couch from the tour bus, can you now?’ I smirk, daringly. ‘What might the others think…?’

Noah lets out a chuckle that’s mixed with a low groan, his breaths still coming at a panting rate as his eyes now grow with even more lust. ‘You're so naughty…,’ he chuckles, now pulling me even closer to his body in his arms.

‘They all sound asleep so don’t worry about them. I can be very quiet,’ he shrugs with a smirk, as his fingers now trail up and down my bare skin again.

‘But can I, though?’ I smile innocently, now leaning towards his ear again. ‘You know how loud I can be when you fuck me so good like last night, right?’ I whisper hoarse and seductively into his ear again. 

‘Mhm,’ he whispers in agreement, still trailing his fingers up and down, now having his large palm slide under you, almost grabbing my skin from behind, as he brings his face more into my shoulder just under my neck. His hand is now slowly palming my damp era, making me have to bite my lip to hold back a moan. 

His gaze now looks dark and seductive when he sees me doing that, and he chuckles quietly against my neck. ‘So you’re getting all wet for me already, huh?’ he murmurs low and quiet, his voice deep as he brushes his nose over my neck.

His words alone drive me insane again, making me get even wetter. The palm of his hand is slowly getting replaced by his fingers, and I have to place my hand on my mouth to silence my whimpers and moans. Noah moans low to the sight of that and the feeling of my wetness around his fingers.

‘That’s a good girl…’ he whispers lowly, his low moans and groans right against my skin as he kisses the sensitive skin of my neck. ‘You’re being so good for me...’

For fucks sake, he makes it really hard to not scream his name and come all over his fingers already, so I just grind my hips against them and close my eyes as I arch my back, trying to hold back my climax. His touch feels way, way too good.

‘Don’t hold back, sweetheart,’ he whispers against my skin when he can feel me hold back, and I just nod, biting the inside of my hand, still grinding against his fingers.

‘I… I just don’t want to wake up the others,’ I whimper against my hand.

Noah chuckles softly, knowing very well that I need and want all of my senses right now, and not worrying about anything else. 

‘If you’re being too loud they can only blame themselves for being light sleepers, right?’ he teasingly jokes, and I just nod while I squeal, his fingers only moving faster and more intensely. The way he kisses my neck again makes it impossible for me to hold my climax back, so I stop fighting it and moan loudly against my hand. 

Noah feels me tense up in his arms, my body almost frozen as I arch my back, and he grins against my neck as my breathing grows faster when I come. When it slowly slows down again, he asks me: ‘Did you just…?’

‘Yeah,’ I breathe back with a sly smile, making him chuckle and smirk against my neck again as he lifts his head and moves closer to my face, his gaze still dark and filled with desire.

‘I did wonder why you covered up your mouth for a moment,’ he softly laughs, trailing his fingers up and down my sensitive skin for a moment again, before he pulls me into his chest. 

‘Well, I can be loud as fuck, duh,’ I playfully respond while rolling my eyes. 

He smirks again, kissing my neck while doing so, his hands still trailing up and down my sides and skin. ‘You certainly can…’ he murmurs against my neck, letting his lips trail lightly and kissing his way down my sensitive skin. I enjoy them, and sigh deeply out of pleasure. 

His touch is still slow and gentle, but his kisses become more intense as he lets them trail, and I then feel him tuck at my sweater, making me now chuckle myself. ‘You really want to go for it and take the risk of getting caught, don’t you?'

He just nods and smirks when I ask him that question. ‘You could hardly hold yourself back there, love…’ he whispers in reply as he tugs my sweater up to pull it off my body. Since I wear no bra underneath it, my breasts are already exposed to him right away. 

He lets the sweater fall on the floor, and stares at my body in front of him, completely speechless for a second when he looks at me with amazement. It takes a moment for him to find his words again, looking me up and down while drinking in my appearance in front of him, looking like he is completely mesmerized by it. ‘Oh, God… You’re so…’

I tilt my head, so my soft wavy hair falls over my shoulders a little. ‘I’m so… what?’ I smirk. 

‘You’re just… so goddamn beautiful,’ he whispers quietly, almost more to himself than to you when he does, his eyes just fixed on my bare chest in front of him.

My heart skips a beat for a moment through hearing those words, and I slightly blush. In response to his compliment, I wrap my hands around his neck, giving him a deep kiss. Noah lets out a quiet groan when he feels me do so, and he immediately returns the kiss hungirly, pressing his lips against mine in a passionate way. He wraps his own arms around my waist, pulling me against his chest again. 

I slightly groan during our kiss when he starts squeezing my behind, making me tuck at his hair. He does the same when he feels my hands move into his hair, feeling that he gets goosebumps because of it. He moves my body even closer, shifting his body to let me straddle him on his lap, my bare chest pressing up against his still fully dressed one as I continue my heated, hungry kiss. I then tuck at his own shirt, and that makes him pull his lips from mine, leaning back against the couch, smirking at me. 

‘Looks like you want to take some of my clothes off too, huh?’ he laughs with a mischievous grin.

‘Maybe I want to admire your beauty as well,’ I wink.

He smirks at my response, and just watches me as I start to pull his shirt off his body in one smooth motion, revealing his lean yet defined tattooed body and the defined v-lines on his lower abdomen. He grins when he notices me taking him in with my gaze, clearly loving that I have my eyes on him like that. He is so attractive and hot, it just makes me grab his face again and kiss him passionately. He lets out another groan, this one sounding even more deeper and intense. My whole body turns hot for him, so I begin to tuck at the belt from his pants as well during our kiss. He pulls back from our kiss again with a smirk against my lips. He gently grabs my hands from tugging at the belt of his pants, and pins my hands to the back of the couch above my head.

‘Ah ah ah… Patience,’ he whispers against my lips, ‘let me help you with that.’

Him pinning his hands above my head only makes the moment hotter for me, so I bite my lip in response as I watch him undo his belt. He manages to undo his belt without having to let go of my hands, and grins at my expression as he pulls the belt off and lets it fall to the side of the couch.

I begin to smirk as I see his growing bulge in his underwear, and say: ‘And you tell me that I get wet easily…’

Noah lets out a chuckle, as he lets one of my hands go from where he pinned them just to grab my chin and tip it up. He pulls me in for another deep kiss, moving his hand from my chin down to start exploring the skin of my breasts now, caressing my soft skin. I whimper when he does that, enjoying the feeling, and I pull his own underwear off with my own, getting a little inpatient as I feel my wet spot ache for him. As I do so, he groans loudly against my lips at that moment, the sound so deep and intense, already giving away for me how much he’s enjoying it and how much his body wants me too.

‘Oh God, I need you so bad right now,’ he whispers against my lips, trailing his tongue along my lower lip at that moment, sending a heat of pleasure for him shooting through my chest and stomach. 

And Jesus, I didn’t know that our intimate moments could get any hotter than last night, but here we fucking are. I get wetter by the second, and open my mouth in response to his tongue to let him kiss me deeply and hungirly. 

‘You can have me,’ I mumble against his lips. He just holds me, my body straddling his lap as his hands hold my waist tightly, dancing with my tongue in an already hungry, but intense kiss. 

I groan because of the way we kiss so intensely, and my body needs him so badly at this point that I decide to not wait any longer, so I slowly let him enter me while I put his tip against me. Noah’s breathing instantly grows heavier as he lets out a moan in his throat when he feels me do that. He pulls from my kiss for a moment, his eyes fixed on me in the moment.

‘You feel so good…’ he whispers hoarsely and quietly against my lips, his fingers already gently holding my waist tightly while guiding his body on his lap.

‘Mhm,’ I hum against his neck as I lean my head there, starting to rock back and forth on his lap, already drunk of desire by his touch and his length inside of me. He lets me lead the pace for a moment, closing his eyes and letting out a groan, tilting his head when he seems to enjoy the feeling while I move on him. 

‘I love riding you, you know that?’ I say to him with a hoarse and seductive voice, placing a kiss on his neck and jaw. ‘Seeing you crumble underneath my touch and all,’ I smirk mischievously.

He lets out another groan as a smirk is also growing on his face, and then chuckles quietly, moving to whisper into my ear. ‘Is that so?’

Noah then lets his words linger in the hot air for a moment, his smirk only growing while his eyes are fixed on my face when he speaks in a deeper, slightly more seductive voice: ‘Prove it.’

‘Oh, I have to prove it?’ I ask with a sly girn. I run my fingers through my long hair, pushing them off my shoulders in an attractive way. I begin to place my hands on both his shoulders for something to hold on to, and look him straight in his eyes with the dirtiest and darkest look I gave him so far, while I start to ride him deeper and faster. ‘Like this, you mean?’

It makes him let out a low moan, his lips parting and his eyes locking with mine with a just as dark look. ‘Oh yeah,’ he says with a then deep, quiet groan. ‘Just like that…’

‘Hmm, good,’ I smirk, letting out a hot moan when he presses his ups a little, hitting my most sensitive spot perfectly like that. My jaw slightly opens, and I let my head fall back while I shut my eyes out of pleasure. 

‘Oh, Christ,’ I can hear him mumble with a moan, and when I open my eyes I see that he lets his own head lean against the couch, his expression becoming almost lost in pleasure when he feels me riding him more.

‘You fuck me so good,’ I breathe, ‘and I love to fuck you back,’ I say with a husky voice before kissing him again. 

Noah lets out another groan at my words, his hips pressing up more against mine when I continue riding him, knowing that it makes it harder for him by the second to keep his own moans from escaping him. 

‘Oh God, that just sounds so goddamn sexy,’ he breathes against my mouth as his lips presses against mine, the kiss growing deeper and intensifying as the heat is building up more and more between our bodies. 

‘Hmm,’ I laugh, and it sounds attractive yet seductive. ‘Well thank you, Sebastian,’ I grin before planting kisses all over his neck and tattooed chest. 

He laughs and at the same time a groan of pleasure, the feeling of my lips on his sensitive hot skin making goosebumps spread all over his skin. 

‘What are you doing to me…’ he mumbles quietly beneath his breath, a light groan escaping him. 

‘All the things you always wished to be let done to you,’ I whisper in his ear with a small grin, the dimple in my right cheek appearing as I do so. 

Noah lets his head tilt as I speak, letting his eyes shut for a moment while his head is leaned to the side from the way my lips are against his skin. ‘Oh, you don’t even know…’ he quietly mumbles with a light chuckle, feeling his skin heating up more and mine does the exact same.

But suddenly an idea appears in my head by the way we talk to each other, and I mischievously smile at him before getting up from his lap so he slides out of me again. I see Noah looking at me with confusion and a bit disappointment while I do so, but I hope he gets my move when I begin to sit on his length again only now with my behind, giggling a little, a smug expression on my face. A slight gasp of surprise, or maybe even out of excitement, leaves Noah the moment he instantly realizes what I’m doing.

‘And this? Is this something you’ve sometimes secretly fantasized about…?’ I whisper while I look at him from my shoulder, slowly moving up and down on him from behind, a dirty smirk instantly spreading across his face as he clearly is enjoying how this sudden position feels, and maybe how it looks as well.

‘Oh, God yes…’

‘Great,’ I say with the same dirty smirk, and when I feel Noah’s hand move to my breasts when he leans against my back, his head leaning against my shoulder, I moan again. His mouth is trailing along my skin gently with kisses, and I can't help but curse while moaning again by the feeling, my movements instantly moving faster at the same time. 

Noah lets out a moan as well while his breathing grows faster, his hand on my breast still gently massaging it a bit more, and his other hand gently reaches up to move my hair off my neck, to make it easier to continue kissing it and gently nibble on it. I roll my eyes back out of pleasure, feeling that my climax is getting close, and I slowly let his hand slide towards my wet spot, hoping he gets the hint. He gently turns my face towards his with his other hand, to guide me to lay my head back into his shoulder while he leans in towards my neck. He starts whispering in my ear, his words almost sounding like a prayer of praise into my ear: ‘Come for me…’

My movements, his words, his hand rubbing up and down my leaking era, is making me hit my climax in no time. I immediately slap my hand against my mouth so my loud moans are getting muted a little for the others in the bus hear. Noah groans with a smirk just hearing the sound of my moaning and holds me close for a moment, his chin resting on my shoulder while he gently kisses the side of my neck while I recover. When I turn my head around, I lean closer to his face so I can kiss him deeply, and rock just a little back and forth whilst stroking his face, making him groan in my mouth and I feel him hit his own climax shortly after-his grip on my body tightens, his hands instantly gripping my waist again when he comes. 

‘Oh God,’ Noah breathes quietly, his face pressed softly into my neck from the way it’s still leaning against my shoulder as he recovers from the moment. 

I grin, slowly getting up from him, turning around to grab some tissues out of my hand bag. ‘Well, that certainly was something again,’ I chuckle while I dry my wet era off, before handing him a tissue as well and putting on my own clothes again. Noah is still breathing a little heavy from the moment, and lets out a chuckle as well while taking the tissue and cleaning himself up.

‘Yes, it certainly was,’ he says with a satisfied sounding smile, before slowly getting up and pulling his boxer and pants back up. He looks at me for a moment when he also puts his t-shirt over his head as he sees the bright smile on my face, returning it immediately.

I plop down on the couch again when we are fully clothed, pulling up my hair in a quick ponytail because  it has gotten messy in our intimate moment. I lean against the window, seeing route signs coming closer to us in the distance. 

‘Seems like we killed time well, we are almost at the venue,’ I giggle.

Noah’s smile grows on his face even more as he looks out of the window when he sits next to me again, following my gaze. ‘Wow… I can’t believe we are going to be having one of the biggest shows we’ve ever played yet,’ he says, letting out a shaky yet excited breath while looking at me again, letting his hand gently slide to mine.

‘Me neither… I truly am very proud of all of you guys,’ I smile and give a small peck on his lips, rubbing my thumb over our intertwined fingers. 

When I kiss him he smiles against my lips, and then squeezes my hand gently in response to my words before lifting his body up again to stand up, and lean one arm against the windowsill while he looks down at me with his beautiful dark brown eyes. His expression is sincere and genuine, yet also filled with passion and energy. 

‘We will do our best to give all our fans an experience they won’t forget tonight, I promise.’

--

taglist: @blackgirlmagicforever

want to be added? let me know!

[sezja]

I think I'm deciding Jeryk's mother is from Eulmore

[redvelvetwishtree]

Lmao you guys cannot "antisemitism" your way out of this anymore, that's old tactics which don't work anymore.

Can you also prepare a word for what's happening in Palestine? It's so enraging I can't put into words my anger and upset anymore.

[reneesbooks]

snippet saturday

still not a thing but this is my blog and i make the rules and i'm THINKING about birdie and fabin. i swear i'll get back to jack and arthur in a second just let me scream about birdie and fabin for a minute

Emilia tucks her wings against her back, settling in the grass next to Birdie. “When do you think we’ll have to return to Morbhard?”

Birdie stares out over the fields, her pulse quickening. Emilia senses that she’s asked a question that Birdie doesn’t want to answer. Birdie lets out a long breath. “I’m not sure.”

A lie, but Emilia doesn’t question it.

Birdie glances at the sky. “The sun will go down soon. I should make preparations. It’s the full silver moon tonight.”

Emilia shrinks into her human form and sets her hand on Birdie’s shoulder. “I can make the tea if you’d like.”

Birdie smiles. “Thank you. That would be nice.”

Emilia returns to the cottage and puts the kettle on the fire, digging her toe into the floor as she mixes the herbs. As much as she trusts them, as much as they’ve all grown closer over the weeks and months at the cottage, Birdie is still hiding things.

The kettle finally starts to whistle and Emilia pours a cup of tea. She heads back out to the garden. Birdie is standing next to Fabin, clearly just arrived from the forest, smiling up at him as he complains that the deer are getting better at hiding. Her laughter dies abruptly as the silver moon’s light hits her, her preparations forgotten in the grass a few steps away.

Fabin backs away as Birdie’s silver light explodes outward, a pulse of magic flattening the grass in a circle around her. Her tripled voice shrieks, her hair lifting off her shoulders. The entire whites of her eyes burn silver.

Blood starts to run from her nose. Fabin shrinks and tries to step closer, shouting her name. Emilia grabs a washcloth and grips it tightly behind her back, the fabric straining as she twists it nervously.

Birdie’s eyes begin to bleed as well, silver light pulsing from her. Fabin grits his teeth and takes three more shaking steps through the waves to reach Birdie. He grabs her shoulders and Emilia hears him shout her name.

Blood is streaming from her eyes and ears now, the third recitation barely begun. Fabin winces as silver magic lashes out at him, cuts opening on his cheeks. He keeps hold of Birdie, shaking her shoulders, trying to wake her up.

The silver light fades and Birdie’s eyes roll back. She collapses and Fabin catches her, lowering her slowly to the grass.

“Shit.” Jack and Arthur freeze in the doorway of the cottage. “Is she okay?”

“Does she fucking look okay?” Fabin growls, glaring at them. He snatches Birdie’s handkerchief from where she’d left it in the grass and starts to gently wipe the blood from her face. Emilia picks up the cup of tea again and moves cautiously. Birdie’s eyelids are fluttering, though she is limp in Fabin’s arms.

“The tea for her throat,” Emilia says quietly, when Fabin looks up at her with another growl. “I’ll look at those cuts.”

“I’m fine.” He holds the teacup to Birdie’s lips and Emilia flinches at the audibly painful gulps. “Birdie, can you hear me?”

Her silver eyes flick up to his face before fluttering closed again. She tucks her face into his chest.

Fabin leans down to murmur something to her that Emilia doesn’t hear. He presses his cheek to the side of Birdie’s head and Emilia stifles a gasp, averting her eyes.

Fabin stands with Birdie in his arms. “She needs to rest,” he says, not looking at any of them. He winces as he adjust his hold on her and Emilia wonders what other damage Birdie’s backlash did.

He says nothing else as he carries her into the house. Emilia bites her lip as Jack and Arthur turn to her with wide eyes. “I’ll make some more tea.”

[concoulor]

ok one more post about it, how did people get so convinced roman is going to have sex with anyone anyway? are people actually convinced or is it just a joke. actual sex or fuck as in kill? it’s possible for a very interesting exploration of homoerotic behavior in alt right spaces w mencken but the more i think about it the less i think anything will actually happen beyond continuing their rancid-flirtatious dynamic & that being used for commentary/satire on the alt right etc.

[carmarriage]

i chose zexal btw

[churipu]

YOU SLEEPING ON A COUCH AFTER AN ARGUMENT 𓆝 ⋆｡𖦹°‧

featuring. gojo satoru, geto suguru, toji fushiguro x reader

note. i hv so many ideas right now apart from what i'm actually supposed to be focusing on, so...pls excuse me.

GOJO SATORU. arguments with gojo are a pain in the ass, he's petty and everything will be a mess. he's so stubborn that it actually baffles you sometimes — and he calls you rock head?

being a sorcerer is never an easy job. gojo wakes up every day, not knowing whether he'd die in a mission or get to live another day. so when you brought up your concerns about it to him, the male didn't take it lightly. things have been tight for him, and you're walking on eggshells for the past few days.

the slightest thing angered him, like how his sleeve got stuck on the door handle, or the way he curses out loudly when he stubs his toe on the coffee table. it puts him in a shitty mood, so when that happens, and you try to talk to him about his job.

gojo gets very pissy about it.

frankly, you understood where his anger comes from. and it was part of your fault to bother him the moment he came back from work exhausted, it was bound to happen so you weren't really blaming him at all from the projecting of his anger to you the night before — he didn't say hurtful things, gojo knew better than that. all he did was tell you to leave him alone and get out of his sight for the night.

and you did. sleeping alone on the couch, all sprawled out, an arm dangling on the edge; while a string of drool dribbled down the corner of your lips.

you seemed to not mind having to sleep on the couch (under your own want). but your boyfriend did, the moment he knew your bed time strikes — he came out of the room and eyed your sleeping form. guilt washing over him when all you did was care about his being and how dangerous the jujutsu world is.

gojo approaches you and gently carried you in his arms, an arm right under your bottom and his other arm around your waist. hoisting you up like a baby as your cheek leaned onto his shoulder, letting the drool blotch his shirt. he doesn't care at all.

the male tucks you in the bed, pulling the covers over you before slipping next to you, chest pressed to your back and an arm resting on your hip. gojo will never let you sleep a whole night on the couch, he will bring you to sleep with him and apologize the very next day for being such an ass.

he also, tried to make it up to you by cooking a classic english breakfast. which ended up in chaos — and you both decided to order take out instead.

GETO SUGURU. geto is usually calm and collected; he doesn't really get angry at anything. even if he does, he mostly keeps it to himself unless it really bothers him. but since humans have certain capacities to their own emotion — geto is not spared from being angry, no matter how calm he is.

after the death of amanai, you could feel him change. your geto. it was traumatizing for him, and you understood. always being there for him, never leaving him alone. the dark circles under his eyes were apparent, and it looked like he hasn't had a good night sleep for what seemed like . . . weeks, or months, if that's even possible.

geto appreciated your company, really. but sometimes, he also wanted to be left alone to dwell on his feelings. he didn't want to end up saying hurtful things to you because he was so angry at himself. but he did, and god was it horrible.

he was already feeling like shit before the argument— which if you see, wasn't really an argument at all. it was one-sided, geto was telling you off and you didn't say anything back. because you knew he didn't mean it. he almost desperately begged for you to leave him alone because your presence was "annoying" him and he couldn't stand it.

although geto said it in a heap of moment. he didn't mean it, and before he could say anything else, you tell him that you were going to be sleeping on the couch, so if he needed anything he was free to come to you.

geto didn't stop you. he was busy hating on himself for telling you that — and believe me when i say that he, right there, almost cried out of frustration.

he tossed and turned on his bed. where you were usually on too, beside him, holding his hand whilst he sleep. your hushed voice lulling him into a peaceful slumber; but you weren't there today, all because he told you to leave him alone. geto sat up, his eyelids heavy, but no matter how long he shut is, they always open back up.

with slow and heavy steps, he approaches you on the couch. and geto had always knew that you were a light sleeper, so his footsteps awoken you. seeing your eyes flutter open, geto slid on the couch, laying himself on top of you — head on your chest, arms clutching onto your shirt like he's desperate for your presence, and his legs intertwining with yours.

getos' hushed apologies were heard as he leaned into your warmth, and you told him that you were never angry. brushing his hair, massaging his scalp using your fingertips before lulling him to sleep, and geto did. almost immediately. and so did you.

he could never sleep without you. whether it being on the bed, the couch, or anywhere else — as long has you were with him, he will find the ability to drift off.

TOJI FUSHIGURO. is an ass. let's face it — he wouldn't give a fuck if you decided to sleep on the couch after an argument, at least for the first couple of hours. toji is a blunt man, and he's a sole believer that nobody could bear sleeping on the couch when there's a bed in the house.

but you were there to prove him wrong.

after an argument going south, he finds you grabbing your pillow and then seeking shelter on the couch. and he clicked his tongue in annoyance, knowing you'd come crawling back on the mattress after a few hours — because who'd choose the couch over the bed?

you. apparently.

he slept without a single care, thinking of words to say when you finally decided to come back on the bed. but when he woke up at three am, his arm searching to find your body, but realizing all he was catching was air — he finally realized that you weren't coming back onto the bed.

and it annoyed him. he was angry that you weren't there. and at three am? he was already wide awake, walking out of the room angrily. but his gaze softened when he saw you asleep, the constant flashing light from the television panning on your body; toji walks over, snatches the remote and turns the device off.

letting out a soft sigh, toji squats down, flicking your forehead. and the action was enough to make you grimace lightly in your sleep — although not enough to wake you up completely. the male chuckled and prepped an arm under the hollow under your knees, and an arm across your shoulder.

with ease he brought you into your shared room and he laid you down on the bed, covering your body with the blanket before he slips into his own portion of the bed. scooting closer to you as you instinctively nuzzled into his chest, seeking for comfort.

toji wouldn't admit that he was the one who brought you into the bed and would end up saying how you came crawling back at three am. you always find out the truth though, and toji tells you to forget about whatever he did because he won't be doing it again (he will).

© CHURIPU 2024 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[dynamic-power]

Steve is walking down the hallway towards his math class when it happens.

Someone bumps into him, a girl he only vaguely recognizes, and she reaches out and grabs his hand to steady herself.

His vision explodes with what he knows must be color. Bright shades assault his eyes, shades he doesn't even have names for. His classmates' clothes, the tiles beneath his feet, the homecoming sign above him. Even the lights have taken on a new hue, washing Steve's entire world in something completely alien.

The girl looks as shocked as steve feels. Her eyes are wide, and her mouth drooped open as she spins in a slow circle. She's pretty, he thinks. Short hair, soft features, an unusual sense of style. She's clutching an instrument case, and he thinks that's why he recognizes her.

"Uh," he says, catching her attention. "Hi."

Her mouth opens, closes, opens once more, and then she dashes away from him, disappearing into the throng of students.

He spends the rest of the day cataloging colors. By the time he's climbing into his car (which is a color he still can't name, but has decided he likes) he's found at least a dozen different shades, and he wonders how they all fit into the seven colors he's been told are in the rainbow.

He tells his mom when he gets home that day. She is ecstatic. When Steve admits he doesn't have anything to tell about the girl herself, his mom turns her attention on naming colors for him.

It becomes quickly apparent that something isn't quite right. He'd been so focused on everything that was new that he hadn't realized what was the same. He still sees a lot of grays. Blues, purples, greens,and violets are all still lost on him.

That doesn't make what he can see any less spectacular, though. Oranges, reds, pinks, yellows. The yellows are his favorite.

He'll meet his other soulmate, his mother assures him, as they sit in the backyard, admiring the rich golds and reds of the trees that he can now see, standing out against the gray of the sky he knows should be blue.

He does, about two years later. He's picking Henderson up from school one afternoon, but instead of Dustin climbing into the front seat like usual, the back door swings open violently and not one but two figures scramble into the back seat.

"Henderson, what the fuck?!?"

"Drive!" Henderson screeches, his head popping up between the seats. "Go, go, go!" A hand, not Dustin's, reaches out as the stranger tries to sit himself up and fingers graze his temple as he's peeling away from the curb.

"Motherfucking assmunch-" Dustin is saying, "thinking he can get away with that shit-"

But Steve isn't paying attention, because the trees are green and the sky is blue and the world is suddenly right.

Steve looks into the rearview mirror and meets the gaze of a shocked-looking Eddie Munson.

[luulapants]

Existential despair is so common in a person's twenties, I think, because up until that point, we've had a pretty clear road map for what's expected of us and we haven't had much reason to question that map. There are still a few milestones outlined for us (start a career, get married, make babies) but more and more young people are entering the post-school world and realizing:

A) that career thing just isn't happening like they said it would

B) I'm not ready to get married/I don't want to get married/marriage isn't the sort of life-altering event that it used to be

C) I'm not ready to make babies/I don't want a baby/I can't afford to raise children right now (see point A)

And in the absence of these milestones to shoot for (which one could argue weren't the promise of fulfillment they claimed to be in the first place), what we're left with is this aimless abyss of "the rest of our lives" sprawling out ahead of us with no indication of how it will go or what we should be doing to shape it. Young people start their first jobs, find they hate them, and think to themselves, "Is this it? Am I just supposed to do this job until I'm too old to do it or die first?"

Which is, yeah, really fucking depressing!! So here's my best attempt at an alternate roadmap for young people that don't vibe with the old model. Please feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Learn how you work and what you want out of a job. Unless you've been in a job-specific training program that gives you hands-on experience, your first jobs should be experiments. Learn how a full-time job feels for you, what elements are more or less difficult. Different workplaces have different cultures and expectations - what do you need out of a job environment? Do you need to find fulfillment in your job or is it enough for it to pay the bills and leave you time to find outside fulfillment? Do you want to climb a corporate ladder or are you content to hunker down as long as your bills get paid? This period of experimentation is exhausting and may feel like it's consuming your whole life.

Learn how to make time for things outside of work. Adapting to a full-time work environment often leaves you feeling so drained that you can't do anything but go home and collapse on the couch every day. That's fine - for a little while. But it can also become a habit. You need to learn how to do things after work or you'll go crazy. Go to a trivia night. Start an exercise schedule. Take a class in your community. Find volunteer work. Join a band. You will find that putting more things into your day makes you feel like you have more time, not less.

Find a community. Making friends as an adult can feel impossible. Where do you find these mysterious friends everyone seems to have?? This goes along with #2, though. As you start regularly attending the same activities, you will find that repeat interactions with the same people turn into friendships or at least friendly acquaintances. Say yes to invitations. Get involved in your local community. Strive to be connected enough to bump into people at the grocery store.

Unlearn bad lessons. We all internalize some messed up things when we're growing up. As you start off your adult life, that's the time to actively work at unpacking the things you've brought with you from childhood and deciding which things are helping you and which things are harming you. This might mean therapy or joining a spiritual group or reading new things or just making special time to be in your own head.

Learn the lessons you missed. In this, I mostly mean practical things. "Adulting." Areas of your day-to-day practical life that are causing you extreme stress are probably related to a knowledge or experience gap. Do you hate cooking and cleaning or were you not taught how to do it properly? Are you afraid of making medical appointments or is it just something new you're not used to? Does money make you queasy or do you need to learn how to make a budget?

Find something fulfilling. This can be your job. It can be volunteer work. It can be faith. It can be a hobby. It can be creating things. It can be challenging yourself physically. It can be activism. It can be going for walks in nature. Everyone finds fulfillment in different places. If you're not finding it where you are, look somewhere else.

[cursingtoji]

as requested, a longer version of this drabble

synopsis: geto spared one woman from the village he exterminated due to the pleading of mimiko and nanako, now he has to live in between preaching a world without non-sorcerers during the day and sleeping with one during the night; a dive into the mind of a conflicted man.

cw: canon events (no major spoilers), death topics, fem submissive reader x cult leader geto, smut, oral (m -> f), 1.6k words.

part 2

The day was horribly busy, on days like these, where he had to talk in front of a crowd for such a long time, then entertain donors, then eat curses, Geto can’t sleep due to the loud noise of his mind, he would probably sleep if he was in a equally loud environment, but, except for the sound of your soft breathing, the room has dead quiet.

Dead quiet.

Geto sits up, the cold air hitting his bare chest as he takes in the sight of the red temple across the open window, a ruffling makes him draw and narrow his eyes to the figure in his bed.

He remembers the day he first saw you, trying to sneak in the room where Mimiko and Nanako were locked in, he was in the process of exterminating the people in that village so he didn’t think twice when he grabbed you by your hair ready to let a curse rip you apart but the deafening sound of the girl’s scream stopped him, only then he noticed a bag with food that fell of your hands.

He could see from a distance, you were like the rest of them, a regular non-sorcerer and a few minutes ago he decided what he wanted.

A world free of non-sorcerers.

He can’t make an exception. He shouldn’t.

The twins had tears in their eyes. They’re young and his responsibility now, so a helping hand couldn’t be a sin. He could leave you for last. 

Somehow he finds in his heart to spare you, and once he consolidated his power as a leader, he took the three of you in, the girls only leave your side when he’s around, they don’t approach anyone else except the two of you.

The first week you were around sorcerers he could see the fear and confusion in your face. Nanako tugged his clothing and he squatted to listen as she whispered to him “She cannot see them”.

So he provided special glasses for you, one with cursed energy so you could see what people like you shouldn’t, and he made Nanako hand it to you as you slowly began to comprehend what the weird events around you actually were.

She should be thankful, she’s only alive because of me.

He thought about that constantly, especially when watching you smiling and minding your own business.

And you are grateful and respectful towards him, almost never making eye contact, just keeping your head down and only calling him “Geto-sama”, he appreciated that, you should know your place.

It’s only a matter of time before he grows fond of you too, with his influence and your submission, it didn’t take long before you were in his bed, being happy to serve him in any ways.

It’s a contradiction having you around, he knows it. A monkey.

You sleep so peacefully, he wonders if you understand how lucky you are to make it this far.

Tonight could be your last night on earth, how deserving are you to live in his ideal world? You have two little girls that adore you, is that enough? He could just tell them something awful happened.

His cold fingers trace the back of your neck, ghosting your cervical spine.

You fell off the stairs and broke your neck, so sad.

That’s believable, the temple has many stairs.

His index finds your pulsing point.

A man attacked you, another monkey, and cut your throat, how horrible.

His eyes drop to your rising chest.

You fell on the lake and drowned, a terrible accident.

There’s so many possibilities to get rid of you without them blaming Geto.

Warm fingers unexpectedly find his hand, your small hand covers his. Suguru feels his human side returning to him, the dark cloud over his head slowly fading away as you take his wrist and you turn your head to kiss his palm.

He feels like crying, confused and guilty.

The bedroom is dark enough for you to miss the look of despair in his eyes, he allows you to caress the veins in his forearms, tracing it all the way to his biceps until you find his neck with your arm completely extended. Suguru gives in to the light pressure you make, bringing him to lay back down with you. You kiss his shoulders, his chest, his neck.

He doesn’t feel worth your kisses.

Again the contradiction.

You kiss his jawline and he stops you with a hand over your lips, he doesn’t want you to feel the way his lips quiver, you don’t ask questions, just accept and kiss his palm again, holding it against your cheek.

Geto is hard on you sometimes, giving humiliating tasks such as cleaning up the remains of someone who wronged him or capturing a curse that will for sure attack you. As much as he sometimes thinks of creating a space between the girls and you, the little ones always find a way back, helping you clean while keeping a non-morbid conversation topic or helping bandage the scratches you got from the small but feisty cursed spirited you were assigned to.

Yet you never once complained, always bowing in obedience with a soft “Yes, Geto-sama” coming out of your lips.

He knows when to treat you well too, sometimes he knocks on your room at night, sometimes he sends someone to call you over to his. When his whole cult speech was over he would dismiss everyone except you, to be alone in the giant spacious room with him, he likes to take you there, where your quiet sounds of pleasure bounce through the walls and create an echo.

You’re good to him, not to his cause, to Geto-sama you’re useless, but to Suguru Geto you’re an anchor.

He returns your kisses, sucking on your clavicle then down the soft skin of your breasts, where he takes in one nipple and licks until it gets hard enough for him to gently bite on and make you gasp.

Your hands find his hair, his long soft locks, the same ones you brush ever so patiently when Mimiko and Nanako turn it into a mess of knots from braiding and tying tiny silicone elastics on, you don’t scold them, even if it means to stay hours with Geto trying to undo it afterwards. 

They will grow up to be spoiled.

But he also could never scold them like a father is supposed to, deep down he knows he won’t need to, they adore him, anything he’ll say they’ll do. 

They’re good kids, he supposes he owns it to you too.

Suguru leaves a wet trail of kisses down your body until he’s between your legs, he first starts by licking the surrounds of your clit teasing patiently as you get wetter, the sleepiness doesn’t allow you to protest or whine, only to close your eyes and take whatever he’s willing to give you while tangling your fingers in his hair.

When he finally gives your nub some attention in the form of sucking, your leg twitches, he squeezes it and places it over his shoulder, at this point he’s laying on his stomach vaguely thrusting his pelvis onto the mattress to relieve a bit of the aching in his cock he gets when eating you out.

He adds more tongue as he moves down your needy hole, which pulsates around nothing, Suguru hums nuzzling your glossy folds, the vibration goes straight to your hardened nub.

“Geto-sama” you moan when he fucks you with his tongue, the tip of his nose hits your clit perfectly, once he looks up to see you falling apart on him you shiver, his eyes are predatory, you wonder if you should retrieve your hand from his head, but he quickly closes them again, losing himself in the taste of you. God, you taste so good. What makes him get through the day when he has to absorb those disgusting curses is the thought of getting lost between your legs, sucking your nipples, eating his own cum off you, sucking your tongue…

He feels your orgasm approaching as you tug his locks harder, whimpering softly. Usually he would make you beg, stopping his ministrations just before you get there and delaying it until there are tears in your eyes. Tonight he’s enjoying the silence, he might just let you go ahead, but there’s something he wants to hear.

“Say my name” he orders with a raspy voice.

“Get—“

“No” he bites your inner thigh, “My actual name.”

“Suguru” you roll his name so beautifully on your tongue.

“Keep saying it” he dives back, making out with your pussy and paying extra attention to your puffy clit as you call his name in a prayer.

He misses it, the way his first name used to be used, nowadays is just “Geto-sama this, Geto-sama that, master, sir”. It would inflate his ego if it didn’t come out of monkeys' mouths.

But Suguru? He left that for you only, even the other sorcerers he considers family just call him Geto.

Before he realizes you’re already cumming, hole pulsating around his tongue and heels digging on his back. He slows down his pace, nibbling on your glossy lips then taking your hand out of his hair to kiss it like you did earlier, the act makes your heart swell, you caress his face, thumb rubbing the dark circles under his eyes.

“Suguru” you call his name again, this time looking straight in his eyes, they don’t seem predatory anymore as he moves up finding a safe spot on your chest, where he lays down listening to your heartbeat as your fingers work through the knots in his hair, this time caused by yourself. Your other hand caresses his back and shoulders, whatever skin you can find to soothe him. Now he doesn’t have the loud voices in his head and bitter taste in his mouth and manages to fall asleep again.

part 2 ->

[glow-in-the-dark-death]

Him (Them)

( So I decided 'fuck it' pitch pearl babyyy, I've seen other people do this ship and decided well why the hell not right. Anyways have fun!)

~

Phantom and his council were finally in the end processes to a peace treaty with Earth,

As years went on from what was once only the USA with their Ecto-Acts got worse. The GIW began opening in other countries without them truly realizing what they were allowing, until the Infinity Realms were at the point of declaring war on all of Earth itself.

The only reason that managed not to happen was because of Phantom finally being able to contact the Justice League and sit them down to have an actual conversation about everything that was going on.

That's where they were right now the world leaders, the 3 founders of the JL , and High King Phantom with his council arguing back and forth the peace treaty.

Phantom turned as one of the men stood up

" And just how are we supposed to truly trust you and yours to not take over or cause harm to our people?"

Others began chiming in, arguing that there was no true guarantee in what Phantom was saying.

Until a voice towards the back called out an idea

" Marriage! To truly unite our worlds in peace King Phantom must marry one of our own!"

Phantom subtly tensed the idea of a loveless marriage to a complete stranger made his core tremble with rage.

He glanced around seeing the looks of the people around him, he saw their greed for his power and status, their point for the marriage would be to control him or at least give them an advantage.

Phantom tuned out the arguing between the JL and the rest.

Thinking of what to say to get out of this situation without risking the treaty.

Snapping back to attention holding back a sharp smirk.

" Gentlemen if what you fear is the safety of your people then do not fret I have protected and saved your people and world since my creation, as for your request of a marriage to unify our world then I have wonderful news for I am already married to one of your people and even have children with him."

Phantom looked at the shocked faces around him, a couple grimacing or frowning at their missed opportunity to have control and access to him by one of their chosen.

A rather stupid man for what else could he be with what he said next.

" Then divorce him and marry someone that we find more suitable!"

Phantom's form distorted around him as he processed what he had just heard.

" Divorce? You wish for me to Divorce my husband, the one who I cherish above all else, the one I have shared my core the very being of myself with. The one who I gave my very being and soul to create our children. The one who is half my being, the one who if not for him we wouldn't be speaking at this moment because it was only his word that kept me from declaring war on your world."

"Make no mistake I do wish for peace between our worlds, many of my people are from this world and would like to continue to stay or visit especially for their loved ones, and I would like that for them without the danger of being hunted and torn apart."

"For if I wished war your planet would not stand a chance for what is a few million of your soldiers compared to my infinite soldiers that only would continue to grow as yours died."

"For him I fought and won against the previous tyrant King for daring to to cause him pain, the very King who only was defeated previously by the combined efforts of the strongest in the Infinite Realms, The very same King I defeated alone."

"So please do continue talking against my husband."

"..."

"What is his name?"

"Danny Fenton."

~

Just an Idea

[buckyalpine]

Bucky comfort. What I need like air right now is a sweet, chubby baker Bucky who notices his bunny is down. She doesn't say anything out of the ordinary when she comes to visit the bakery, kissing his soft scruffy cheek before taking a seat at the booth with a fresh Danish he made.

Cherry, because that's her favorite.

He can tell something is off when her smile doesn't quite meet her eyes and she's curled up in his hoodie quietly nibbling on the pastry instead of clinging onto him like she usually does.

He doesn't like it. Not one bit.

He loves when his girl hugs his thick waist tightly from behind while his works at the dough and rolls out croissants. Her little hands usually knead at the fluff around his belly. Instead she seems to be in her own world, wrapping her arms tightly around herself and pushing herself further into her seat to hide from the rest of world. You tell him you have to run a few errands and he doesn't miss your steamy eyes and small voice as you scurry off out of the bakery and it just adds to his worry.

Bucky was having none of that.

He lets Sam and Steve take over a couple of his orders, cleaning off and deciding to go straight home to you instead, he knows you don't actually have errands to do, he always makes sure to take care of them anyway. When he arrives back home, he isn't surprised to see your smaller form curled in a ball on the couch, eyes wide, surprised to see him.

"Bucky?" the quiver in your voice gives away that you'd been crying moments earlier.

"C'mere baby bunny" Bucky cooed, scooping you up in his beefy arms, and cradling your body to his, holding you to his chest while you nuzzle into his neck. "Wanna tell me what's going on in that little head of yours" He whispered against your hair, stroking it while you pull back, giving him a shrug. He knows you don't always want to talk about it but he's going to do what he can to make you feel better

"I'm not sure" You say with a sigh, your mind still running around a thousand miles a minute. Nothing particularly bad happened but one thought led to another; questioning if you were happy with your job, if you were happy with where you were in life, if you were someone Bucky would actually even want to be with, someone so sweet and loving and handsome like him, all your friends seemed to have found their footing and you were still here so unsure-

"Shhh" he kissed your forehead as if he could hear your insecurities screaming at you from inside your head. "What do you need sweet girl" His lips brush against the top of your head, breathing in your soft scent of peach body wash and vanilla lotion. He has you perfectly tucked into his much larger form, as if he were trying to protect his baby bunny from the rest of the world.

"Cuddles?" You cling onto him, sighing contently when he shifts so he can wrap you up in his arms while you bury your face into his chest. Everything about him is so comforting, if you could find a way to burrow yourself into him, you would. Your wiggling and shifting to get even closer makes Bucky chuckle, cooing at the whine you let out when he pulls away.

"Not going anywhere bunny, just getting us more comfortable" You're not sure how he does it but with minimal effort and movement he's helped you strip off all your clothes along with his, tossing the fluffy throw to cover you both up. You love feeling his bare skin against yours, practically purring now that you can feel every bit of him.

The rumble of your stomach doesn't go unnoticed by Bucky and he makes sure to wrap you up in a blanket burrito before getting up and padding over to the kitchen.

"Where are you going now" You pout and he cups your face with the gentlest touch.

"You're hungry bub, I'm just getting a snacky" and with that he walks off, grinning at the giggle you let out watching his perfectly perky ass saunter off.

"Yummyy" You wiggle happily from under your blanket at both the sight of you very pretty, very naked boyfriend carrying in a plate of more Danishes and a bunch of other pastries and fruit he grabbed on the way out when he left the bakery.

Bucky adores seeing you like this, setting down the snacks so he can hold you again when you give him grabby arms. He doesn't let you lift a fingers, feeding you another Danish, kissing the crumbs that clung onto your lips. He runs you a bath next. His bunny doesn't feel like moving much so he's happy to carry you there while you wrap yourself around him like a koala bear.

By the end of the night he loves seeing the light return to your eyes, your soft giggles when he has you perched on the bathroom counter doing your skin care routine with him.

"Keep your little paws to yourself, doll" Bucky swats away your hands when you reach for the lotion, taking over the job for himself. He's more than happy to massage up and down your calves to your thighs. He massages all the knots out of your back and shoulders before carrying you off to bed again for more cuddles and kisses.

Anyway, this was sitting in the drafts for weeds and it's still what I need rn.

[yandere-writer-momo]

Yandere Head Canons:

Love After Death

Yandere Skeleton x Fem Reader

I’m obsessed with Kate Bush’s song ‘Army Dreamers.’ So I decided to write a story about a soldier who died during a war, but he came back to life just to fulfill his promise of coming home to his lover…

There was a Great War many years ago between monsters and humans. A war that took countless innocent lives all due to the human’s greed. A war that took the life of your lover, Zered. Your childhood sweetheart.

Zered was a young sorcerer from the magic tower. A prodigy and pioneer of magic with a heart of gold. He was the man you had planned to spend the rest of your life with. You wanted to run your fingers through those blonde curls until the two of you were balding and wrinkly. To look into those sea foam eyes until you couldn’t. To press soft kisses against his full lips until your lungs burned. You loved that man more than anything in this world… but the war took him from you.

Zered may have died a hero of the empire, but you couldn’t help the bitterness that seeped its fingers into your heart. Your beloved was no nothing more of a war story. A great sorcerer who was able to take down the dragon enemies to give time for reinforcements to arrive. A war hero. And they couldn’t even bring a single remain of him back to you…

You sighed as you sipped on some homemade ale. Your eyes glanced at the sun’s rays that danced across the hay fields in sorrow. This was the cottage the two of you were going to live in for the rest of your days. The one you’d start a family in that was now cold and empty. It didn’t matter that the sun hit it perfectly each time, Zered wasn’t here.

You rock back and forth in the rocking chair. The birds weren’t singing their melodic tunes like they normally did. Which was odd. Why weren’t the birds singing- you almost screamed when you see a dark figure slink through the meadow towards your cabin. What on earth was an undead doing here?!

You quickly sprang up from your chair and fell over since you were a bit tipsy. Crap. Crap. Crap! You needed to head inside before that creature got to you.

You let out a shrill shriek of terror when the skeleton stood in your porch. Its red eyes stared into your very soul as it tilted its head to the side. Oh god… this was it. This was the end. You were going to be ripped apart by this hideous creature-

You went still when the creature threw itself into your arms as it released weeping noises. The skeleton whined and shook as its arms wrapped around your body in a tight hug.

“H-home. I… home.” The skeleton’s voice was a spin chilling rasp. A small tuft of blonde on its head showed that it was once human.

What did it mean by being home- wait. This cousin possibly be?

“Zered?” You gasped when the skeleton pressed its teeth onto your cheek like it wanted for press a kiss against your cheeks. “Zered, what happened?”

“Home… home.” Zered was barely to rasp out legible words. The skeleton cupped your face in its palms. “Love you… I home.”