#and i had fun (i came so close to beating titan earlier than i was supposed to and i'm impressed by that)

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Does Final Fantasy VII Rebirth have a thing for seeing tutorials again anywhere? I don't see any in the menu (unless they're hidden behind system?).

Because there's just so much in this game, that would be nice to have (FFXVI had that). Like, I just got a tutorial for how to look for hidden treasure with my chocobo... but the tutorial was so fast, and they of course only showed it once, that I'm already screwing it up and not sure I'm using the right button prompts. And I think I wandered too far away from where the chocobo caught the scent, in trying to find this treasure, but in going back now, the blue question marks aren't coming up again to indicate the area the treasure's in at all:( I was worried this was a one shot deal kind of thing (like, if you accidentally walk away from the treasure, the prompts won't come up again), but Google tells me that isn't the case.

Thankfully, I saved literally right before this whole thing, so I'm going to reset and try again, but still...

Edit: Problem solved. @keybladebard Let me know they're in the "manual" section of the main menu:)

[levis-hazelnut]

Levi x Reader Tea Parties

Summary: You’re a new addition to the Scout Regiment, and you bring along with your six-year-old daughter. An unexpected bond forms between you and the Corporal when he seems to be attached to your daughter and spends quite a bit of time with her.

(D/N) = daughter’s name

"Everyone, this is (Y/N) (L/N). She will be joining us, the Scout Regiment, today and I expect all of you to make her comfortable here," Commander Erwin announced as you slightly stood in front of him, his hands on your shoulders. "I wouldn't mind giving her a little tour," a brown-haired boy smirked to his friend. "Shut up, Jean. Can't you see she has someone already?" another boy with turquoise eyes whispered, gesturing to the little girl beside you, gripping your hand.

Little did they know, you could hear their conversation, despite them trying to be secretive. You watched them as they spoke, or more like argued, as the tall, blonde man next to you was saying things that were at the back of your mind. "Cadet (Y/N)?" "... Oh, sorry. Yes?" You found it a little unusual to be addressed like that. "If there's anything you need, just come to me. Don't be shy." "Okay. Thank you, Sir." "And..." His crystal eyes scanned the crowd before he called out two names, "Armin, Mikasa!" Said people approached both of you, saluting to him, which he dismissed with the wave of his hand. "I need both of you to help (L/N) settle in and show her around. Is that okay?" "Yes, Sir." "Thank you. I'll be off then." You flashed a smile at them, radiating your friendly nature. They smiled in return and greeted you before you noticed their gaze fall onto the (H/C)-haired female next to you. "This is my daughter. (D/N)." "How old is she?" Mikasa asked. "She'll be six in a couple of months," you replied prior to crouching down. "Say hi to Mikasa and Armin, sweetie." The young girl threw herself at you in order to hide from the new people, causing you to chuckle softly. "She's shy. But in about a week she'll be fine with everyone." "She's really cute. And she looks a lot like you," Armin commented. "Aw, thank you,” you grinned in response as you could literally see a single question swimming in his orbs. A question which has been asked a couple of times prior. "I'm twenty-six, by the way. So I'm not young compared to you lot." "Wow. I would have guessed you were about eighteen." You giggled. "That's very flattering. Anyway, should we get going?" "Oh, yeah." All three of you started to walk around the castle and they introduced you to any people you met along the way and showed you the rooms you went past. As you wandered around, you made conversation with them, finding out that they were sweet people. And you told them a bit about yourself, but not too much since they were still new people to you. "(Y/N), right?" The brown-haired boy from earlier took your hand and pressed his lips against it. "Yes..." "Jean, stop it." Mikasa slapped his hand away. "I don't see a ring." "Jean!" "I-it's fine. He's right, I'm not married;;." "I can give you another tour later if you want." You arched an eyebrow and shook your head in disbelief. This teenager is trying to hook up with someone who is twenty-six and has a child? "I didn't come here to be flirted with by some guy I just met." "Well, in a few months, my offer will still be there," he smirked before walking away. How cocky can that idiot get? Did he not get the message that you don't want that kind of interaction with him? "Forget about him. He's a jerk." "I see that--" "Oh my god!! You're (Y/N)?! I'm Hanji! It's nice to meet you!!" A brunette came sprinting towards you, jumping onto you as a male strolled behind her with a crease settled in between his eyebrows. "AWWW!!! Is that your daughter?! She's adorable, I could just eat her!!!" "Sh*tty Glasses, you going to f*cking kill her before a titan does." "Hanji, could you get off of her?" Armin asked. "Excuse me, Hanji? I'm kind of getting squished between you and the floor." "Oh, sorry!" She sprung off of you before laughing maniacally at the sight in front of her, which was the raven and your daughter. "What the f*ck are you doing, you sh*tty brat?" the raven snapped at your daughter, who tugged at his trousers and bit the fabric. "Are you trying to strip me?" He tried kicking her away. That guy is stupid to think that he could talk to (D/N) like that and swear in front of her and kick her. No one would want to mess with your daughter because they would suffer from a mother's wrath. Everyone should know that you never want to anger a mother through their child. That's when their ugly side comes out and no one wants that. "Hanji," you said through gritted teeth as she looked at you. "Who is he?" "That's Levi!" "LEVI!! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT?! I swear, I'll beat the crap out of you if you don't stop!!" He scoffed. "As if I'm scared of a newbie like you." "Corporal, I think you should take a look at her." Oh, damn. You look like you could destroy humanity with that glare directed on that one male. Titans will run away from you if they saw you right now. And from the way your nails dug into your palm, you could probably rip through your skin. "Fine, here's your daughter." He gripped the back of her dress and dropped her in front of you before casually leaving the scene. "It's not my fault she wanted to see me naked." "I don't think anyone will want to see you naked with an attitude like that," you spat, causing him to stop and face you. "Tell that to me when those hundreds of women leave me alone." "Hundreds of women who have no taste," you muttered. "Damn, I've never seen anyone talk to Corporal like that," Armin whispered. "How did (Y/N)'s personality switch just like that?" "It's that mother's wrath thing. Just don't do anything to her daughter," Hanji notified them. "Do you have a problem with me?" Levi crossed his arms over his chest. "Just don't be like that with my daughter and I won't have a problem with you." "Okay." "Did Shorty just say 'okay'? He didn't fight back? He listened to someone he just met a couple of minutes ago?" Hanji rambled in shock before wiggling her eyebrows with a goofy grin. "Looks like someone's taken a liking to (Y/N)~" "Shut up, Sh*tty Glasses," he snarled before turning around and walking away. "Why would I like a brat like her? And I barely know anything about her." "Hanji's always like this. Forget about what she says. Whatever she says isn't true most of the time," Mikasa told you. "Okay. Let's just get out of here." "Well, we've basically shown you everything. Oh, we forgot the most important thing - your room." "Mikasa, Armin!" a voice called, causing the three of you to come to a halt. "Have you seen Horse Breath?" "Why?" "He put horse sh*t in my shoes. That b*stard." "I mean, we saw him like five minutes ago. He might be outside." "Thanks," he grinned. "Who's Horse Breath?" you inquired. "Jean." "I see..." When you arrived at your room, they gave you the key and left you to settle in. There was a double bed and a bedside table with a single lantern, sitting atop it. A chair settled in a corner of the room and there was a wardrobe.

You approached a door and reached for the cold knob, opening the door to see a small bathroom. Letting out a satisfied sigh, you closed the door and sat down on the bed where your daughter already lay. You brushed the hair from her face, giving her a tender smile and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Do you like it, sweetie?" She nodded before sitting up. "I like Levi, too." "What? Why?" "He's nice." "How is he nice?" "He wasn't being rude to me. I saw him smile when he tried taking me off his leg." "I didn't notice." "He's nice, mummy. You didn't need to get angry." "I'll need to see just how nice he is," you murmured before a couple of knocks sounded, so you got up to open it and saw Erwin standing there. You invited him, standing to the side and widening the door as he walked in. Before this, you failed to see that Levi was behind him and he stepped inside as well. "How do you like it?" Erwin asked. "It's so much better than where I lived before." "You're lucky. You're one of the few brats who get their own room," Levi stated in a monotonous voice. "I'm grateful for that." The blonde smiled at you, averting his gaze to (D/N). "Hello, (D/N)." "Hi!" "Looks like she already likes you," you beamed, staring at your daughter in admiration before resting your features and turning to the shorter male. "And, Corporal Levi, she seems to like you as well." "Maybe she's one of the hundreds who don't have taste." "... Sorry about that, I didn't mean it. You know, just don't hurt my child in any way." "I know I shouldn't if I want to stay in my current, healthy state." You laughed softly, but he had no sign of amusement on his visage. That is until your daughter held his index finger, looking up at him with gleaming orbs. This time you were able to see the tiniest of smiles sneak its way to his lips. "Levi, will you play with me?" "No. I have work to do, brat." "Don't get annoyed when he calls her brat because he calls nearly everyone that," Erwin told you, knowing about the little commotion since Hanji had informed him. You nodded in response. "Anyway, I have to go. I'll see you later." "Bye, Sir." "Aww, what about after that?" (D/N) pouted. "I have to train my squad." "And after that?" "It'll be dinner and then your bedtime." "How about tomorrow?" "I don't know." "Come on, (D/N). He has to do some work." "But I want to play with him." "Baby, we aren't here for fun. Not everyone will be able to play with you." "Will you play with me, mummy?" "No. She has cleaning duty," Levi answered for you. "Cleaning! Can I help?!" "She likes to clean?" "Yeah. We both love to," you said as you picked her up, noticing that (D/N)'s hand was still wrapped around his forefinger. He saw what you were looking at and snatched his finger away, almost immediately. "Look, Erwin, they're like a family," Hanji whispered excitedly as she looked through the gap in your door. "Hanji, leave them alone." The female sighed heavily, silently closing the door before it suddenly opened again, revealing Levi who frowned at the both of them. "What are you doing?" he asked the brunette and blonde. "We were just passing by." "What are you doing, Shorty?" "I'm talking to an idiot." He left the two and made way to his office. ~/~ Seven months have gone past since you became a Scout and people enjoy you and your daughter's presence. Most scouts are grateful that you would do most of the work since they do a poor job and you end up doing it again. Everyone loves your daughter, especially and surprisingly, Levi who apparently doesn't have time to play with her, but you find them playing different games every day. Most of the time it would be tea parties and you love to see Levi interact with her and see his soft side. Once you changed into your uniform, you left your room to go clean which your daughter volunteered to do with you. You started to clean the corridors, mopping the floors, wiping windows and dusting any surfaces. Sasha and Connie were cleaning as well, or more like messing around.  "Hey, you two?" "Yeah?" "You can go. I'll clean since you guys aren't doing anything." "Really?! You're amazing!!" You smiled at them as they ran off like little kids. (D/N) was more mature than them even though they're like triple her age. You dunked the mop in the bucket and wrung it out, so it isn't soaked before dragging it across the floor, doing a better job than the scouts that did it before. You blew a strand of hair away from your face and rolled your sleeves up since they had decided to travel down your arms. "Have some rest, honey," you told the little girl cleaning alongside you. "I'm fine." "I think both of you should rest. You've been cleaning for at least two hours," a voice chimed in. "We're fine, Sir." "What about you? Are you tired, (D/N)?" "A little bit. but it's fine." "Go rest, darling. You've done enough." "But I want to help you, mummy." "(D/N), go,” you ordered, your tone stern but gentle. "Okay." "Sir, would you mind taking her to our room, please?" "Of course." Erwin strolled beside her as you watched them disappear as they went further away. Since you were finally alone, it enabled you to clean quicker.

And when you were finally done, you sighed in relief, glad you were finally done after another half hour of tiring your muscles.

Your content expression soon turned dark when two boys came tumbling your way, shouting profanities at each other. Eren floored Jean, who sprung back up almost immediately and was about to throw a punch to the other's face, but you caught his wrist, preventing him from harming Eren any further. "What are you doing?" "That titan idiot punched me for no reason." "It was an accident. I was training and you got in the way. You just need glasses to see where you're going!" "You need glasses to see what you're punching!!" "Shut up, both of you!" you demanded and they silenced. "If you were outside, how the hell did you end up here?" "Oh, I don't know." Jean shrugged. You rolled your eyes, freeing his wrist from your grip and he rubbed the, now, red skin. "Honestly, you guys are so immature." "He started--" "I don't care. I'm just going to my room and I would like it if I don't hear any fighting." "Sorry, (Y/N)." "You're still young. You haven't matured yet like you were supposed to a few years ago." "You know, you make it sound like you're old, but you're still young. So what if you're twenty-six? That's still young," Eren stated. "Thank you. But I feel old when I see you." "Age doesn't matter. I would love to have you in my bed at any age." "Shut up, Jean." You rolled your eyes once again, leaving the two and making your way to your room, opening the door to find your daughter and Levi on the bed, having yet another tea party. Hearing her giggle caused a tender smile to edge onto your lips as you closed the door and padded to the bed, where they sat, and stood by it. "Hi, mummy!!" She got up from the bed and hugged your legs as you ruffled her hair. "Hey, honey. Did you have fun?" "Yeah! Levi played with me." "Looks like you had time to play with her again." "I still have work to do, but Erwin asked me to stay with her." "You can go do your work now if you want." "I can leave my work for later," he replied reluctantly, not wanting to admit that he would rather stay with (D/N). "I wouldn't think you were good with kids, seeing as how you seem to be harsh with the cadets." "She isn't at that age when she's spoiled and bratty. Or when she's annoying like the other brats here." "Was that a compliment?" Levi ignored you, watching (D/N) climb back onto the bed and she jumped onto his lap, spilling the hot contents in his mug over him. He hissed when the tea seeped through his clothes and tried to keep his patience at the cause of the accident. He stood up as you rushed to pass him a cloth. "Sorry." You gave an apologetic smile. "You can go to the bathroom and change out of your clothes while I get you some from your room. I would give you mine, but I doubt they will fit." "Just take your a*s and get me clothes," he grumbled. You nodded, despite the rudeness, and left your room, pacing to his office to get a spare uniform. You took out a pristine, white shirt and some neatly folded trousers before hurrying back to your room, careful to not crease the clothing. Knocking lightly on the bathroom door, it opened a few seconds later to reveal a shirtless Levi. Quickly, you passed him the clothes, trying to not get distracted by his abs and the scars that adorned his skin. He wordlessly closed the door before you sat on your bed, next to (D/N) who was strangely quiet. She probably just felt bad for spilling the tea on her new 'best friend'. You pulled her into your arms and kissed her cheek, resting your chin on the top of her head as she buried her face in your chest. "It's okay, baby," you said quietly. Upon hearing the click of the door, you flitted your eyes towards it and the raven came into sight as you gave him a small smile. He took the (H/C)-haired girl away from you, holding her in his arms and brushing a few locks from her face. His back faced you, so you weren't able to see the smile he owned. "I'm not angry at you." "You aren't?" "Of course not." She flung her arms around him, grinning which turned into laughter when he tickled her, squirming in his hold. You let a grin grace your lips; you wouldn't mind Levi being (D/N)'s step-father. Wait. No. What am I thinking? Shut up, brain, you thought, fighting your mind that decided to develop feelings for the male during the time you spent here. He placed her back on the ground and straightened her clothes for her, fiddling with a few strands of her hair as he stood behind her, now facing you. As he gazed at you, you could sense that he wanted to say something, so you lifted an eyebrow, questioning his silence. His eyes motioned to (D/N), letting you know that he doesn't want her to be here while he talks to you. You gave a discreet nod in understanding, ending your telepathic conversation there. "Sweetie, do you want to go play with Hanji?" "Okay!" "I'll be right back. I'll take her to Hanji." You took her petite hand in yours, leading her down the corridor as you thought about what Levi would want to speak about. You didn't notice Hanji until (D/N) squealed her name, darting towards her. "Hi!! What do you need?" "Can you stay with her for a while? I need to do something." "Sure!" "Thank you." When you wandered back to your room, you closed the door behind you as you sat back down on the bed, leaning against the headboard and crossed your legs after taking your shoes off, and patted the spot in front of you for Levi, who was still standing in the same spot as if he hadn't moved at all. He joined you on the other side of the bed, sitting on the edge with his feet on the floor. "What did you want to talk about?" "I don't think anyone has asked you yet." "What?" "Who's the father of (D/N)?" Silently, you stared at the sheets that spread over the mattress you rested on. Even after seven months of getting to know the people here, you weren't prepared to answer this question. And they were respectful enough to not inquire you on a subject you never seemed to like bringing up. "He..." you started before swallowing. "He died when the Colossal and Armored Titan attacked Shiganshina. We were fleeing from our house and I had (D/N) in my arms. I was so focused on getting to safety that I didn't realise my husband wasn't near us. When I looked back--" Your voice cracked as you bowed your head and let your hair fall to cover your face. There weren’t any tears, but you just wanted to conceal your expression. "You don't need to carry on if you can't," he whispered, fighting back the urge to hug you. "No. I-I'm fine." You pushed your hair back, keeping your eyes on the material underneath you, which seemed to be more attractive that the man in front of you. "I looked back and I saw a three-metre titan, who grabbed my husband. I saw him look at me as I froze, not able to think about what to do. I was useless and couldn't save the person I loved the most when he was right in front of me." "We all have times like that. And there wouldn’t even have been something you could do without gear." "But he was right there. I saw him get devoured by that damn monster. But he didn't have any fear shown on his face, I could see a smile. I don't even know why he was smiling, but I'm glad he was. At least, I wouldn't have an image of him screaming. Since then, I wanted to join the Survey Corps to be more useful but I waited until (D/N) was old enough to wander around here by herself. She is still quite young, though, she's really mature for her age and I'm happy to see that she doesn't seem full of misery. She was only a year old when her father died, so I doubt she knows anything about him apart from what I tell her. She always loves to hear stories about him and her full attention is at me when I tell her. Every memory I have of him is still fresh, even after all these y--" "(Y/N)!!!" You were startled by the sudden outburst and the slam of your door. Head snapping in that direction, you see Hanji standing there without (D/N). "Hanji, where's (D/N)?" "I don't know!!" "What do you mean you don’t know?!" you yelled. "I went to get Eren, so I left her in my office. I was literally like five minutes and when I went back, she was gone! I don't know where she went and so I came here because I thought you would know where she is." "Hanji, I leave you with her for like ten minutes and you already lost her?!" "I'm sorry!" "Gosh, I'll go look for her myself," you mumbled, trodding past Hanji. "Shorty, what are you doing here?" "I was talking to (Y/N)." "About what?" "You don't need to know." "You guys are hiding something from me!! Tell me!" "No. I have to go look for a girl that someone lost." You paced through the castle, looking in all the possible places she could be, but still couldn't find her even with the help of Levi. A heavy sigh slipped past your lips as you leaned against the wall, your eyes on the ceiling. "Where can she be?" "We haven't checked my room and Erwin's room." "Oh my gosh! You're right! How did I forget about that?" Levi went to his office as you ran to Erwin's and hastily knocked before opening it with no hesitation. "Sir, have you see (D/N)?" "No. What happened?" You quickly explained what happened before jogging to Levi's room to find your daughter in his arms. You beamed and took her from his grip, peppering her face with kisses. "Don't leave the person I leave you with, baby," you whispered as you rested your forehead on hers. "I got bored, so I went to look for Levi. I was going to wait here until he came back." "So, you're just going to forget about your mother and look for him? I see how it is." "No. I love you more, mummy." "More? So you love him? How close are you with my daughter, Levi?" He had allowed you to call him Levi due to the time all three of you have spent together and you were able to form some kind of friendship with him. There was a slight smirk on his lips, while you noticed the flicker of amusement in his ashen hues. "Anyway, we're going to go to the mess hall for dinner. You coming?" He glanced at his desk, where a meagre pile of paperwork sat before looking at both of you and proceeded to walk, letting you know he will come. He shut his door and strolled next to (D/N) as you were on her other side. Anyone who would see you three, and didn't know you, could mistake you for a small, happy family. "AWWWWWWW!!!!!" You rolled your eyes, knowing who it was and it just had to be her to see you. But none of you stopped, ignoring the squealing behind you. "Hanji, you sound like a kettle about to explode! Can you shut up?" you snapped, turning around once being fed up. "You guys are so cute!! I love it! Like you love each other!" "Shut up!!" both of you shouted as the door to the mess hall opened. Silence fell upon the room as they all looked your way. "... Hey, guys!" You shone a smile at them, acting as if nothing happened. "(D/N), in the near future, Levi's going to be your dad," Hanji snickered quietly to the young girl, and you shot daggers at her. "Sh*tty Glasses, shut your f*cking mouth." The pure girl gasped at Levi's words, her (E/C) orbs wide as she stared at him. He apologised to her and strode to a table, forgetting about the people gazing at him. You went to a different table and sat down, not bothering to communicate with anyone since you weren't in a great mood due to Hanji. ~/~ "Mummy!! Mummy!!! Wake up!" "Yes, darling?" you murmured as you were still half asleep. "Mummy!" You were fully awake now, looking at the adorable face in front of yours as (D/N) bounced on you with excitement. "What do you want?" "It's my birthday today!!" "Okay." "Muuuuuummyyyyyy!!!!" "I'm joking, baby. Happy birthday!" you laughed as you plopped her down next to you, tickling her. "Stop!! Stop it!" she giggled.

You stopped tickling her and gave a loving kiss on her cheek as she caught her breath. When you got out of bed, you stretched as a yawn left your mouth. Both of you freshened up and got ready for the day, leaving your room to have breakfast. "Mummy, did you get me a present?" "Of course, I did. I'll give it to you later." "I want to see if Levi got me something!" You weren't exactly looking forward to seeing Levi since you would end up talking to him. And then, Hanji would come out from nowhere and irritate the hell out of you. And you don't want to be grumpy today because then (D/N) wouldn't be as enthusiastic as she is now. When you entered the mess hall, it was already full of scouts who came up to her and wished her a happy birthday. A few gave small presents, due to having little money, which varied of different chocolates and sweets, and that sort of thing. Once you finished eating, you left the building but let (D/N) stay in the mess hall as they all played with her and kept her company. You roamed the grounds of HQ to have some fresh air after all the people that surrounded you minutes before. When you reached the stables, you decided to stroke your chestnut horse. "What's wrong?" You turned around to see Levi nearing you, and gave him a miniature smile. "Nothing." "(D/N) is thrilled to have all the attention, but I couldn't go to her yet since I don't have a present." "Levi, you're her best friend. How could you do that?” you teased. “She was excited to see what you would get her." "I didn't have time to. What did you get her?" "A bicycle." "That's expensive." "I know, but I wanted to make her happy, unlike some other people that failed to do that since they forgot about her birthday." "Shut up. I didn't forget. I was planning to get her something, but I had a lot of work to do," he protested. "I know. I'm kidding," you grinned. "I could say that the bike is from both of us. I mean, I just don't want her to be disappointed that you didn't get anything for your best friend." "You're going to pester me because of this, aren't you?" "Yep! But I'll say it was from both of us." "Thanks." "What? That's the first thanks I've heard from you. You probably just feel bad for forgetting about your best friend's birthday present." "Tch. Well, I didn't forget about the present I got for you." "A present for me? Why?" "Do you not want it?" "What is it?" "Close your eyes." Hesitantly, you complied and lidded your eyes, waiting for him to tell you to open your eyes. But he never did. Instead, you felt gentle hands settle on either side of your hips and lips press against yours, which is when you opened your eyes in shock and saw his eyelids in place of his eyes. After realising what was happening, you returned the kiss and wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling his lips morph into a smirk. "Oooo~! What's happening here~? Looks like they decided to have a party of their own." You parted straight away and saw the huddle of scouts which Hanji and (D/N) stood in front of. A light blush dusted onto your cheeks as you stood behind Levi, who faced the bunch with a glare. "See, I told you that Levi will be your dad in the future, (D/N)." "Levi, mummy? Is that true?" "... I mean... we don't know what going to happen in the future..." you responded nervously. "I want Levi to be my dad!" She dashed towards him and jumped up, so Levi could lift her up. "And I want you to be my daughter," he hummed softly, making sure no one heard him. From here, your future with Levi takes a step forward. You don't know what the future holds for you, (D/N) and Levi, so you don't know if you will be a small, happy family. But for now, you'll cherish every moment you have with Levi and remember every moment, big or small, to tell any other children you have. To think that (D/N) having tea parties with Levi is what brought you two together.

[theglitterypages]

Hi! I’m a new follower so i’m not quite sure if you accept requests now but if u do! i have this request that i think would be really nice!

I just read ur one shot called “behind the scenes” and i literally fell in love with it! I was thinking if you could do a sequel or part two where levi and reader talk about what he said in the interview and come to terms with their feelings for each other and then he says that they will take it slow and court reader properly.

After that, they would have like cute moments together like, she goes live on ig or such and he join and then flirts with her through the comment section 😆🥰 they have like small dates. And then when they film again for the next season, the other actors will ask what’s the deal with the both of them and Levi says he’s courting reader ><

Just a thought hehe i hope you have a great day!

Title: Behind The Scenes Part Two

Pairings: Levi x fem! Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3000

A/N: Hello darling, I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond, I've been a little busy in cleaning our house these days and I'm trying to spend less time using gadgets that's why I rarely find time to write. Anyways, I hope you'll like this one. This is not proofread so Expect many errors, I will edit this in no time. Thanks for requesting dearie💗💗💗

Read Part 1 Here

°°°°°

“Let's see each other next season! Good luck on your upcoming projects especially you Miss Marvel!” Zeke walked towards you and hugged you tight.

The whole cast just finished eating dinner, it was a dinner filled of laughter, the whole cast talked about the days on set, the silly things and other stuffs. Throughout the years of filming attack on titan, every one became each other's best friends and every time the filming are finished it's kinda sad because it will take time before you guys start filming together again.

“Goodnight everyone!”

Levi guided you towards the parking lot, his car was parked beside Eren who's now opening the door for Mikasa. “Drive straight my sister home, it's late.” Eren nodded and saluted to Levi before he climbed up the car and drove off.

Levi, on the other hand also opened the door of the car for you before he entered the car himself.

••••

“Thanks for driving me home, Lev. Do you want go inside for some tea?”

“It's fine, I don't wanna keep you up. We barely had enough time to sleep these days because of the promotions and stuffs.” Despite of saying that Levi is still standing in front of you, his eyes are full of hesitation and he kept opening his mouth just to pursed his lips together again as if holding himself back.

You are holding yourself back as well, you wanted to talk about what he said on the interview, you wanted to make things clear but you're too scared to do so.

Levi is a man who's hard to read, you wouldn't know if what he's saying is for the sake of fun or it is because he meant it.

Maybe he said that because you two are good friends, right, that's the only logical reason that popped into your mind.

You smiled fakely, trying to hide your disappointment to the fact that he's not gonna say anything, you get ready to turn your back on him to go inside your house but Levi suddenly held your hand, causing you to look back at him with wide eyes, “W-What is it?” you stammered.

“I mean it.”

“You mean what?”

Your heart is beating so fast, you're suddenly wondering it is because of Levi or it is because you have a heart problem.

Levi sighed and squeezed your hand gently as he looked into your eyes, he prepared himself a lot of times already but why is he getting afraid all the time?

He wanted to say it, say that this is more than just a friendship, that this is more than a job, that what he's doing is not a publicity stunt but he's tongue-tied. His mind went blank the moment he met your gaze, everything that he practiced before all of this has gone into the abyss.

But if he won't take a step forward, he'll always be at the same place and he wouldn't want that.

“I like you—no scratch that, I'm in love with you.”

“We had no liquor earlier so you can't be drunk. I have no times for jokes right now Lev.” you wanted to say that you like him too but what if this is just a joke? Can you afford to lose the friendship you to has?

Levi took a deep breath before he slowly nipped your chin and leaned down, his lips almost touching yours. “I know this is ridiculous but I..fell in love with you. At first I thought it was just because I'm portraying a man who's possibly in love with your character but as time passes by, I realized I'm not portraying Levi's feelings anymore.” he closed his eyes and gulped hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he do so.

“On Erwin's last day on shoot, I've realized that my remaining time with you are short and I realized that I'm not ready to let all of this end just like that.”

Flashback

“Okay so Levi you'll be choosing between Armin and Erwin, you know what to do just show us that you're heartbroken without obviously doing it and then once Samantha and Hanji came in look at Samantha with a face of relief, because in this scene Levi is glad to see her alive.” Levi nodded to the director, the make up artists put more fake bloods all over his face and when he sat nearby Erwin, the latter opened his eyes.

“Come on, man. Loosen up, the camera's not yet rolling.” Erwin smiled, Levi is a passionate actor and he gives his best in his craft, this series for example, Levi doesn't have any stunt doubles, he learned martial arts for the role and he did great portraying Levi Ackerman.

“Lights, Camera, Action!”

The scene went well and everyone cheered since this is the last day of filming for Erwin's character, Armin immediately hugged his older co-actor, Jean and Connie did the same while Mikasa and Sasha are clapping and smiling at the production team.

You and Levi are standing side by side behind Erwin, “This is sad.” you commented while Levi sighed beside you, “Imagine what my old guy feels.” Levi told you referring to his character in the series, you shrugged your shoulders and walked towards Erwin to hug him.

“You're the best, Commander Erwin.” you smiled and did the salute in the series before chuckling, “Shinzou wo Sasageyo!” you told him and the other actors heard you, everyone started doing the salute and shouted, “Shinzou wo Sasageyo!” Erwin looked around and smiled at everyone.

“Oh come on! It's not like I'm real dead, it's just my character.”

That wraps up the filming that day, while everyone was busy taking pictures with Erwin because this is his last day, Levi remained watching the whole cast from afar.

His eyes landed on you as you cry hugging Erwin, telling him that you'll miss working with him.

That was when Levi had come to realize that once this series is finished, he will never be ready to share the last moment on and off screen with you.

He's been working in this industry for a long time, not all friendships formed in work could last after a project is done, that was one of the reason why he's doing his best not to get attached especially in leading ladies but right now, for working so long with these whole cast it is inevitable to be attached to someone so similar to him yet different in other ways.

A small smile made its way across his lips as he see you laugh with the casts as you stood beside his sister.

One thing has come to his mind at that moment, he will never be ready to let you go.

End of Flashback

“I don't want to pressure you or anything. We can take it slow, I'm ready to court you properly, I haven't done any of that before but I'll do everything...let's just give it a try.”

All you could do was stare at him, blinking slowly as you tried processing everything he said, it was surprising to see him tremble like this, you can feel how cold his hands are and how his eyes are glassy because of the tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

“Well...I like you too but we'll take things slow, right? I don't want any of us to be hurt.”

“I understand—wait, what? You like me too?”

“Should I take that back?”

“No!”

You yelped with surprise when he hugged you tightly, his arms wrapped around you as he whisper sweet nothings on your ear.

“Levi it's too tight.” you giggled and he immediately pulled away, his cheeks are red so are his ears, he's cute with that blush but the way he smiled at you makes you feel like you've won the lottery, who knew you could see the Levi Cold Ackerman smile like this?

“I promise, I'll do my best.” he told you before pressing his lips on your forehead.

••••••

“Miss Y/N? Ahm the show asked if you could go live on Instagram to entertain the fans and inform them that you'll be in the Night Show.” you smiled at the staff and took the tablet in her hands since you'll be using the show's account to go live.

You started the live while your hairstylist is still fixing your hair, “As you guys can see my beloved hairstylist is not yet done fixing my hair, I will be at the Night Show! Oh my gosh I don't know what to say next, I'm just gonna read the comments.” your hairstylist laughed at your silliness and took a glance on the screen before turning her attention back to your hair.

“Okay, @ynsupremacy says she's been waiting for me to appear on the show. Oh thank you very much dearie! I've always wanted to be here too thanks for your support.”

“Oh my gosh take it easy babes, I can't read everything in just one go.”

You scrolled through the comments and sees a familiar username, “Someone deadass spammed the comment section you guys, Levi you little bastard stop spamming. Let my babies talk to me.” you narrowed your eyes at the screen before reading Levi's comment.

“I can't believe Angels go live on Instagram, says @captainlev.”

You looked back at your hairstylist after hearing her read Levi's comment, you blushed and she laughed at your reaction before shaking her head. “What? I was just reading. Nice on Captain Lev!” she smirked at the camera before looking back at you.

“I'll be back in a minute.” she said before walking out of the room.

You could still see Levi's comments but you did your best to ignore it so you could talk to your fans. “Hello @erenlegalwife happy birthday! I'm gonna tell Eren that it's his legal wife's birthday.” you chuckled. It's amusing to see their usernames, the comments are also hilarious but there are some bashers in the comments. You didn't mind them and just proceeded in interacting with your fans.

Another comment was shown but before you could even read it someone covered your eyes and you squealed, you removed their hands off your eyes and when you looked back you gasped in surprise.

“You kept on ignoring my comments, meanie.” Levi smirked as he opened his arms, asking for a hug and when you're too slow to hug him he's the one to walk towards you and hug you tight as he laughed loudly. “I scared you big time didn't I?” he teased.

You hit his back and pullled away from the hug. “God, I hate you.” it's been two months since you two confessed to each other, just like what he said, you two are taking it slow.

You guys are going out on dates from time to time yet there's no official relationship status, you didn't need the label actually, you're sure Levi wouldn't break your heart or anything, you just want to enjoy every time that you're with him.

“Okay, Levi will be joining us too but believe me I have no idea that he's a guest as well.” you told the fans as they ask you in the comment section.

“Figured I gotta surprise you, it's much better this way right?”

“You told me you're filming for that movie, big liar.”

Levi laughed and pinched your cheeks gently, “Sorry, I just want to surprise you.” he smiled sweetly and you looked away, blushing. “Pft. Never mind...” you bit your lower lip and scrolled through the comments but Levi already read something out loud.

“Ooh... @levisamlover says ‘you two look good together, just date already’ thank you for that. I also think that we look really good with each other, thanks for supporting my claim.” he smirked.

••••

“Are you sure you're fine with us just having a date at home? Well you probavly don't wanna let the press see us.” Levi asked as he wrapped jis arms around your shoulder, pulling you close to him as you two watch a movie.

“Hmm, nah the press has been seeing us two a lot but I don't care, I just want to stay close with you like this.” you told him, hugging him sideways, Levi chuckled and kissed the top of your head before feeding you some popcorn.

In the middle of the movie, Levi looked down on you just to see you asleep with a pout on your lips. He chuckled to himself and he slowly scoop you up being careful not to wake you up. He carried you towards your bedroom and he lay you down on the bed gently.

He smiled at your sleeping form before kissing your forehead. “I love you, do you know that? The day's ending yet I'm still 'ere falling in love with you again and again, deeper and deeper at every moment that passes by.” he took his phone from his pocket and took a picture of you, it became his new hobby, he's not the type to love taking pictures before but now that he has you, he wants to capture every moment.

He wants every moment to be saved, so he can go back to it every time that he misses you.

••••

“Nice job YN! Another action stunt beautifully done!”

You let out a sigh of relief when you're done filming your part, you guys are filming Eren's fight with the War Hammer Titan, along with the Survey corps fighting scene.

When you've finally done your part you immediately sat on the floor, feeling drained because of the insane stunts you had to do.

Levi was quick to hand you a bottled of water, he also naturally took his handkerchief out of his pocket to wipe your sweats, technically it is your PA's job but Levi was way faster than them.

Zeke and Reiner who just got finished their parts too, laughed at the scene because your PA was standing awkwardly as she watch Levi steal her job. “Man, I can't be the only one feeling that something changed with this two.” Zeke smirked nudging Reiner's sides, the latter hummed to agree before flicking his eyes on you and Levi.

“He's not even using his trailer anymore. He's with her all the time, Levi is acting sus.”

“Not to mention the fact that they kept on stealing glances all the time.” Hanji appeared behind the two holding her phone in her hand as she captures a photo of you and Levi laughing together. “Once we caught 'em in the act they'll spill the beans, believe me.” Armin who just finished filming also appeared holding his bottled water.

“I have a plan.” Hanji smirked deviously.

•••

“What, you're telling me to flirt with YN? Mikasa, I don't want to get killed by your brother.” Eren complained when he found out that the plan that they were thinking was getting Levi jealous so he would spill the tea.

Mikasa glared at Eren and smacked the back of his head. “Just do it, we'll be here to do something once he attempt to kill you.” Eren stared at her unbelievably before looking at his older brother. “Why don't you tell Armin to do it?” Zeke pushed his glasses up his nose before shaking his head. “Nah, Armin is like her son, Levi won't get jealous but you, a fuckboy would appear as a threat.” Zeke explained and everyone agreed.

“Man you're the one who flirts like a Seahorse.” Armin told him.

Eren narrowed his eyes, unable to understand Armin's sentence. “What do you mean by that smart-ass?” he growled.

“Seahorses flirts a lot, you're just like them.”

“I hate you all.”

Zeke got impatient of his brother's drama and he immediately pushed him towards your direction, the poor man almost landes face flat on the floor if you weren't able to grab his arm.

“Eren!” you gasped and helped him up, when Eren got up his face is pale, he smiled awkwardly and looked back at his brother to send a glare on his way before looking back at you. “You look beautiful today, YN.” he complimented.

You were taken aback by the sudden compliment so you just smiled before tapping his back, “Thanks, you look handsome today too, nice stunts by the way.” Eren looked around and he sees no traces of Levi so he loosened up a bit.

“I was just wondering if you'd like to have some coffee, there's this new coffee shop nearby and I've heard they have nice coffee.”

“Oh yes su—”

“She doesn't like coffee.”

Eren wanted to run when he heard Levi spoke behind him but he had no choice but to look at him, “Hey Lev! What's up?” Levi raised his brow to Eren, he didn't respond to him and went to your side as he glares at Eren.

“Play nice.”

“What am I? Your dog?” he whispered and you glared at him. “I'm just saying that you should act nice.” Levi crossed his arms over his chest and let out a deep breath. “I am nice.” you shook your head and massaged the bridge of your nose, there's no point in calming a jealous Levi.

“Ohohoho! I see what's happening here! Seems like sugar plum and captain grumpy is hiding somethin' eh? Spill it. What's with the possesiveness and lovey-dovey moments?”

Levi's eyes widened for a secons before he looked away, his ears and cheeks are red. Zeke's teasing smirk tells him that the man already know something, Hanji, Mikasa and Armin's stares are also meaningful, it seems like they're pressuring him to give an answer.

Levi clicked his tongue and acted cool as he looked at his co-actors and sister.

“I'm courting her, got any problem with that? Flirt with her again and you're done, Yeager.” he held your hand and dragged you away from the group while Zeke and Eren's laughter boomed at the whole set.

“YEAGERS! QUIET!”

[sasa-gay-yo]

Levi Reassuring You

Request: Here 

Summary: You weren’t a Scout. You weren’t talented in ODM. You’ve never killed anything in your life. You were so unlike her in everyway possible, and you knew Levi knew it too. Why did he pick you? 

Warnings: None, some kissin here and there 

You never knew why he liked you. You seemed to be the opposite of the people he surrounded himself with. You weren’t a Scout, you could barely kill a fly, and you lacked confidence in your ability to even lift a brick. Because you couldn’t rationalize Levi’s feelings for you, you always had those doubts in your mind. Not about him, but about yourself.

Those doubts were exaggerated every time you had to deliver a new round of uniforms or equipment to the Scouts HQ. You would sit there while your father bargained with Erwin, watching this new elite squad fly through the trees. Your eyes would mostly be on Levi, watching him expertly work the ODM gear, but they also trailed off to Petra who was always behind him. She would make jokes with him, talking about titan killing strategies, and was the first to volunteer to do anything for Levi. It made you feel like the lesser one in his life... and you hated that fact that there were two of you. 

On that particular day, the first mistake was allowing you and your father to eat dinner with them. Because you had made such a rushed order, Commander Erwin wished to give thanks in the only way he possibly could. You were even welcomed to sit at the officer’s table to talk about like inside the walls. Levi’s hand dropping underneath the table to gently stroke along your leg, letting you know that he was really there. However, the problem started off as a fun conversation, but soon turned into you seeing every possible fault in your own self. The from earlier in the day came full force. Even when Levi gripped your thigh, trying to get you to look at him, you ignored it. 

“So, (Y/F/N), what else do you do at home? Do you just sew our uniforms together?” It was a simple question from Squad Leader Hange, and it was cute for them to want to know more about your regular, normal life, but in your mind, you went over your hobbies. They killed titans and tried to save humanity in their free time, but you only read books, sometimes baked bread, and attended local commerce meetings with your father. The only thing outside of your normal routine was when Levi showed up to visit you in secret or when he would pull you along to the Scout HQ under the cover of the night. It made you seem so… so miniscule next to them.

“I just live a normal, city life in Trost. Just… normal, yeah.” You looked down to your hand that were sitting in your lap, disregarding Levi’s trying to get your attention so he could see what emotion was running through your eyes. You refused to look up at him for that reason. You didn’t want to talk about it, but you knew that if he saw a problem, he would strive to fix it. Another thing to add to your own downfall list. 

The table was composed of the most elite soldiers in all the Scout regiment, and your father who was lucky to retire out of it. Still, he could tell stories of fighting titans or Shadis that would interest the whole table. Anything you said, you could guess no one wanted to listen to, not even Levi who was subject to it all the time. After you had answered Hange’s question the way you did, there were no more asked to you. You didn’t see that it was because Levi glared at anyone who wanted to mention something to you. He’d seen how you reacted to Hange and knew you didn’t want to talk to anyone, so he was protecting you from that fate. You thought it was because they’d lost interest in you, so you sulked even further. Then, Levi took his hand off of you and that stared the spiral.

Did he find, when he visited you, that your conversation was boring? Were you boring to him? Was he now getting frustrated that you were showing off your plainness to every one else in his squad?

“Captain, when are we doing the obstacle course again? I just want to know how long I have to work up my skills to beat you.” You had missed the conversation they were having at the table, but she spoke up again. You’d witness the obstacle course today, the one where Petra was so close behind him. 

You liked Petra, you really did. She would always greet you and ask you about your day, sometimes even filling you in on the Scouts gossip, but there was always something stirring inside of you whenever she was near Levi. She would help him put his coat on, she was always first in line during their squads training, and before Erwin had offered you the seat next to Levi, she was the one sitting there. You then drew the conclusion that she must always sit there for dinner. More doubt. It wasn’t her fault for harvesting feelings for Levi when she had no idea you two were starting a relationship, but it still hurt.

Yet, Levi never did anything about it, that was the part that hurt the most. He never shrugged her away, not even when he knew you were looking.

It made you think. She was strong and smart and and elite fighter… why not her? Levi wouldn’t have to listen about your boring life in Trost when he could easily talk to her about expeditions or common interests. She was even in the same building as him and they saw each other every day. You were lucky to see Levi twice a week and that was him working hard to carve time out for you. If given the option to choose, you or her, who would he pick?

Obviously, you, dumbass. I already did, didn’t I? Levi’s voice went through your head. You looked at Petra again, laughing between Miche and Oluo. She was beautiful and pretty much perfect for Levi. Why you?

Levi noticed your distress at dinner from the first moment, but he chalked it up to being something about Hange’s tangent of whether or not titans have organs. They had just captured their first titan on the last expedition, and you didn’t know when or how to tell Hange to stop. Maybe you were getting asked too many questions. Levi knew that you didn’t like to talk about yourself that much and they were forcing you to do that since you finally got to stay for more than a thirty minute delivery. That’s why he glared at them to stop. Levi had to do it for you. When dinner was over, you and your father both got up to leave, but since it was late Erwin offered two rooms till the morning. You father had also been drinking, reminiscing too much about his times with Shadis, so to Levi it was logical and welcomed. He wouldn’t have to go get you tomorrow, and you might be able to sneak away to his office for tea or something more. It had been a while since you and Levi were alone together. He remembered the last time he’d snuck away to see you, thinking your father was out at Mitras picking up the textiles for their uniforms, your Aunt was staying over. 

“I can drive the cart back, Commander, it’s fine. You don’t have to kick two people out of their rooms for us.” You waived Erwin off, but he still continued to pushed that you stayed. You knew that Erwin was also offered a look into your relationship, so he probably thought he was helping Levi as well. He argued that the horses were already tired and in the stables, and by the time you have left to Trost, the night guard might be too drunk to let you in. Everything would be better if you waiting in the morning.

Truthfully, you wanted to stay, but you also didn’t want to be in this atmosphere anymore. However, it seemed that Erwin wouldn’t let you, regardless of any excuse you made. He was too much of a gentleman to let a woman go off at night with her inebriated father. He was also set on helping Levi see you. So, you stayed.

Levi wanted you to stay too and was shocked when you had declined Erwin four or five times before you caved. Something was really wrong. You always liked when he took you to the HQ, and now you two wouldn’t have to sneak up and down the stairs evading night watch. What had happened over dinner that changed your attitude? It couldn’t have been just the questions. When you were packing up the boxes in the afternoon, he was able to sneak you away into the training forest to have some alone time and a heated exchange against a tree. He had evidence of that hiding just below his shirt collar. Now, you didn’t even want to stand near him with Erwin was leading you to the extra rooms.

You put your father to bed first, and then went right into the room next to yours. Even if Erwin was still there, Levi almost pulled you to his office so he could see why you were acting that way towards him. It infuriated him he didn’t know what was wrong so he could fix it. He wanted his normal seamstress back. The one that was able to make him laugh for the first time since Isabel and Furlan’s deaths. The one who always hiccupped after he’d kissed your breath away.

“If you need anything, I’m sure Levi will be ever willing to help. His room is just down that hall connected to his office. If it’s urgent, you can wake me up too.” Erwin smiled at you and you returned a fake one back before closing the door to the room. Levi and Erwin just stood there for a second, before Erwin turned to walk back to his office. 

“I don’t think she’s going to let you in tonight. She seemed different at dinner.” Erwin said over his shoulder to Levi who clenched his jaw at the commander. 

“You don’t think I noticed?” He spat back. He was regretting telling him about you two. This was personal business, he didn’t need to make comments about this apparent “fight” you were having. Erwin just walked away as Levi stood there, staring at the dark wood of the door. When were you going to open it for him?

You were just there sitting on the bed, yet to dress into the gown they gave you. Your mind was sabotaging itself, thinking about everything you’d seen Levi and Petra do together. Thinking about how, if you counted the pros and cons, it was Petra over you. It was anyone over you really. You were so boring compared to Levi that it didn’t make sense as to why he was with you. You weren’t skilled in anything other than sewing, unlike him, who was always the best at whatever he did. You couldn’t kill anything, much less a Titan, and you cried at the drop of a hat. Petra, she was skilled, on his elite team of Scouts, she had killed over fifty titans, and you were sure she was strong. Strong in body and in mind. She probably had so much to talk to him about, too. You’d seen her talk to him. With you, he’d just sit there, every time he visited you, a cup of tea in his hand, not saying a word. Was it always because he just couldn’t find anything to say back? You huffed, laying down on your bed.

What did he even see in you when he came into the shop that day? 

You had given him the wrong size uniform, and there weren’t anymore to go around, so he had to trudge his way into Trost and into your shop. His gaze almost scared you as he shoved the too small garment in your hands. You were sure you got his measurements right, but he said the pants were too tight and the cape wasn’t the proper length.

“If you sit here and wait for a bit, I can take out the pants and then make a new cape quickly. Actually, it you’d like to go get lunch, when you come back I can have it ready.”

“No, I’ll sit. I need to make sure you do it right this time.”

Even then, he met you only because of an error you made. You found the order measurements and had given him the wrong pants size. The length of the cape was just a personal preference, but you made sure to write it down on his file. When he sat there in your shop, you talked to him about the most random things to fill your time and the awkwardness he left by staring at you. Even then, he rarely interrupted you or talked unless you prompted him with a question. If you were that boring from the get go, why did he come back more and more until you found yourselves kissing outside of Trost on the grass for the first time?  

“(Y/F/N), it’s me.” You didn’t move to open the door, knowing that he would soon let himself in. A few seconds later, the door opened a bit, the light from the candles lining the outside hallway filtering in. He craned his head around the door, seeing you laying on the bed, and quickly shuffled in, leaning on the wall looking down at you. You turned the other way, on your side, so he could only stare at your back. This made him sigh, but he didn’t move from his place on the wall.

Truthfully, he didn’t know what went wrong for you to ignore him like this. Nothing had ever happened like this before. You would always greet him with a smile, pulling him into your body whenever you could. You would talk to him about your day or week and show him everything you were working on with passion in your eyes. His mind only went to one thing and one thing only: Did you not like him anymore? What had he done? He couldn’t let you try and end things without an explanation.

When Levi first let himself go into your arms, he told himself that if you wanted to end things with him, he’d accept it, no matter how much he hated it. He knew how hard it would be on you to be with him. He’s always gone, always working, and always dancing around with death. He fell for you partly because you didn’t care about that. You didn’t care about how many he’s killed or how broken he was inside. Whenever he went to your shop and sat on his chair, you made him feel important, not because he was a Captain, but because he was a human being. You made him feel human. You gave his world light, but he also knew that he was adding darkness into yours. If it would get to be too much for you, because he loved you, he’d let you go. Levi never wanted to hurt you. So, now that you were hurt, he was preparing for the worst.

“What’s wrong?” He tried to let his voice soften out so you knew he wasn’t upset. Something stirred in you when you heard how soft he was trying to be. It hurt, for some reason, they way he tried to twist and turn himself to react to you.

“Why do you like me?” Mistake number two. You knew Levi had problems expressing himself in that area. He either didn’t say anything, or rushed into something he had no idea how to finish. It took months of you having conversations for him to be comfortable saying your first name, but as soon as you went on a picnic with him, he had you pushed against the grassy meadow outside of Trost, lips locked with yours. Maybe it was the same with letting you go. He didn’t know how to tell you that he didn’t like you anymore.

“What?”  Levi was shocked at your question. Did he really have to tell you? Did he not show you daily how much you meant to him? How you made him feel? Every time he was with you, he had to hold you in some way, whether it be your hand or just touching your arm, you grounded him. When you read to him, he would lay so that he could see your face, reacting to the story and the characters actions in time with the words exiting your mouth. One time, you got so mad, you threw the book to the opposite side of the bed. He’d never had such side-splitting laughter erupt from him before. He thought you saw that. Witnessed the same devotion as he had. Where did he lose you?

“Petra… she’s beautiful, smart, strong, tactical. She’s an amazing soldier and she has confidence. Tonight, at dinner, she kept talking to you and challenging you in training. She’s a Scout and part of your world, but I know nothing about being a Scout or about titans. Why not her?” You could hear his breath catch in his throat. Had you caught him? You curled up in a tighter ball, trying to push down the tears welling in your throat. You felt him sit down next to you, but you didn’t turn around. You didn’t want to face him when he told you the things swirling in your mind. 

Petra. There it was. It was after she challenged Levi to the obstacle course that your feel completely silent. He could pinpoint it now. Even though Petra was a top soldier, he had only seen her as family like the other Scouts. They were apart of his life, but not to the same degree you were. If anything, you were what he lived for. They’re the ones who he helped and who helped him live. They were two different relationships. 

He put one hand on your back, “I don’t like Petra like that. She’s a comrade in arms.” You nodded once at his words, but they didn’t make you feel any better. He wasn’t denying anything you had said previous. When what he said didn’t seem to help, he racked his brain, trying to find something to say. You were the one who said all these things to him, not the other way around. He loved you through action, not through words.

“Do you remember the one time I held you while using ODM through the forest? Your first time off the ground?” You didn’t move, but you just nodded once again. How could you forget? You were terrified for the first thirty minutes, holding on to him for dear life while he just trusted the two wires to hold him up as he flipped around and around showing you, first hand, the skill he possesses from years of using the illegal ODM gear. Only when he taught you how to use the contraption, and went a whole lot slower through the trees, did you become comfortable in his arms. It was fun, floating through the air, if only the reasoning for it wasn’t to kill titans.

“When I held you in my arms, the first time, you almost choked me to death because you weren’t used to it. I couldn’t see your face since you had it buried in my neck… but it made me realize why it had to be you. Your pure reaction to the ODM, I never... I’ve never experienced someone react like that. They’re either hiding the fact they want to throw up, or they already know how to use to ODM, so it’s second nature to them. Your emotions were so loud, so open. You screamed at me to go slower,” a low chuckle went through his body, and that’s when you started to open up a little bit, “Then, once you realized I wasn’t going to drop you and you started enjoying it, the look in your eyes was like nothing I’d ever seen before either. You smiled, wide, and when you threw your hands up like you were on some children’s ride… that’s when I fell in love with you.” You froze and so did he. It was the first time he’d said it. The first time either of you said it. You never thought it would be Levi to say those words. It made your eyes widen and fill with tears for a different reason, but you didn’t interrupt him. You wanted to hear what else he had to say.

When he continued, his heart was racing, realizing what he just said. He had never said that to anyone before. He just got ahead of himself, not caring where he placed his words, and his true feelings came out. That’s what happens when he’s with you.

“You made me feel like it was my first day ever using ODM. Your eyes wide with wonder and excitement just made me feel so free. I don’t think I’d felt like that in years; carefree, swinging through those damn trees like that. Every time I do it now for training or for killing titans, it’s never the same. It’s the same with everything else, (Y/F/N). You give my life such emotion that when I’m not with you, it doesn’t feel the same. It loses color. Meaning. I don’t want to be here, I want to be in that green chair in your shop, just listening to what you have to say forever. No one here, not Petra or Hange or Erwin or, I don’t fucking know, or Miche, has ever made me feel like that. I’ve never wanted to stay with someone forever, just sitting, wasting the world away. You make me forget that titans exist. You make me forget that I’m a Captain or a Scout. You make me forget that a world other than the room around us exists. With you, I’m Levi. That’s… that’s why I love you. You make me feel alive. You make me feel like I’m truly me, whatever or whoever that is. I-“ You sat up quickly, pulling him towards you to give him a bone-crushing kiss. The way he just expressed everything to you was mind numbing. Levi never said things like that, not if he didn’t truly mean it. You knew how much he was digging in his heart for these words. He could taste the tears that mingled in between your lips, and when he pulled back, your emotion hit him again. Every time your eyes would flicker with some feeling projecting through, he felt like it was hitting him tenfold. You made everything so vivid to him, so much so, that he had to lean over and wipe off the tears from your face because he couldn’t stand it.

“You…Y-you’re not bored with me? T-that I’m just normal?” He rolled his eyes, grabbing the back of your head to pull it towards his chest. You listened to hear his heart beating, noting that it had sped up from it’s normal pace. You grabbed his shirt, trying to get as close as possible to him.

“You’re not boring, but you’re not normal… to me. Normal people annoy me and make me feel nothing. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced what I feel around you with anyone else. You aren’t normal to me. You’re…you’re special to me. It doesn’t matter that you don’t kill titans or wear a green cape, in fact I like it that way. I can pull away from that when I’m with you. When I’m with you, I don’t focus on anything other than you. I couldn’t stand to be with any of those brats outside, they’d make me want to yell at them to run laps.” You laughed a little into his chest and he played with your hair as you started to feel better. You were stupid, you knew it. If Levi didn’t want you, he wouldn’t be near you. He wasn’t the type of person to stick around someone he didn’t like.

“I think I fell in love you with you when you kissed me in the rain that one day. You told me I looked beautiful in the rain.” He snorted, trying to hide the flush on his cheeks as you made him face his romantic actions. Like he said, when he was with you, he was in his own little world. Sometimes, he forgot what he even said or did until you brought it back up to him and he started stuttering. If the brats found out that Captain Levi was a sap, he’d never live it down. He’d only be like that in front of you.

“And you thought that I had an interest in Petra? Even though I say things like that to you?” You laughed a bit again, the sting of dinner almost completely wearing off.

“I just… At dinner, it just emphasized how much I’m not like you. I just thought that…if I couldn’t talk about killing titans or something that you were unint-“

“Do you know how much I have to talk about titans in a single day? I’d much rather hear you ramble on about how hard it is to dye something dark blue. You will never be uninteresting to me, (Y/F/N). And if you think that you have no skill, just remember that every member in the Survey Corps is wearing something you made when they use ODM. You’re the one who makes the straps that allows us to do our job. Who cares if you can’t use ODM? I couldn’t use it without you.” You blushed as he whispered that into your ear. It did something to you, him saying how he needed you to preform the skill that he was famous for. It was definitely the ego boost you needed.

“You said you loved me?” You looked up to him, the slightly annoyed look plastered on his face again. You were going to make him face his emotions again right after he gave you such a display.

“Yes, I did.” You sighed and grabbed his check, pulling it. He made a noise in protest.

“Are you feeling that emotion now?” He pulled your hand off of him, holding your wrists together so you couldn’t attack him anymore. When he looked at you, he still smiled though. You were looking up at him, the spark back in your eyes. Even if it was to terrorize him, he could look at you like this all day. In fact, he would do it all night. He already got his daily 3-hour sleep, so he could stay up and look at you.

He leaned down and kissed you again, pulling back only a few centimeters to look in those eyes again. God, it was so addicting.

“I love you, (Y/F/N).” Your expression morphed again into one that made his heart race. You always looked like this after he kissed you, that’s why he’d do it so much and at such random times. He wanted to see you like this, looking up at him like he was the only one who mattered. This is what he meant by you making him feel alive. Your expression told him he was the only one. You didn’t need to use your words to reassure him.

“I love you, too, Levi. Even if I doubt myself sometimes.” He nodded, leaning in again. Before he could kiss you again, and before he went back to his normal, semi-stoic self, he let out one last line of reassurance. He wanted you to know, in all seriousness, that if he wasn’t going to end up with you, he wasn’t going to end up with anyone. Not with how you make him feel.

“There’s no reason to doubt how I feel about you. You’re the only one for me. Always.”

xx I hope you like it! This one was hard to write haha 

[alienheartattack]

To All Of Us, From 2000 Years Ago

I got so mad about 139 and the leaks that I banged out my own 3000+ word ending to the manga today. Please keep in mind that this is a non-shipping story. Although I’ve exclusively written Rivamika before, this is not a Rivamika story, and although there’s an Eren/Mikasa scene at the beginning. there is no relationship between them, only the implication of feelings that are not quite reciprocated. I also threw some Levi fan service in there because why the hell not?

CW: There are references to and non-detailed descriptions of rape in this story.

You can also read this on AO3!

"You know what you have to do," Eren says. Mikasa pretends not to hear him over the rush of the little creek they're sitting by so he says it again, louder.

"I know," she sighs. "Even now, knowing that you've done something so unforgivable, a part of me doesn't want to."

"You're a good person, Mikasa. You'll be even better without me."

She snorts a laugh. "I've killed people, too. Just not as many as you did."

"You always had the weirdest sense of humor." Eren puts an arm around her, presses a kiss to her cheek. "I'm going to miss it." That's what finally brings him to tears, the thought of not seeing Mikasa again. Or Armin. Or Connie, or Jean, or Captain Levi, even the rest of them. He's had plenty of time to accept that he'd die at nineteen, was always going to die at nineteen, but now that the moment has arrived he wants to hold on just a bit longer.

Mikasa doesn't cry, at least not the way he expects her to. Tears stream down her face but she doesn't sniffle, doesn't sob, doesn't rage or scream the way she’s done in the past. He sees them both, Mikasa the girl and Mikasa the soldier, perfectly coexisting in the inky blackness of her eyes. She has made her decision. She made it before she even stepped into the mouth of the Titan.

"Kiss me one last time," Eren weeps. "Please."

"Okay," she nods, cupping his face with one hand and leaning in close. "See you later, Eren."

When Mikasa pulls away from his lips, the deed is already done. His severed head feels sickeningly heavy in her blood-stained hands. His eyes gaze beyond her, beyond the veil of this world, clouded with the knowledge of the void. The Titan around her begins to disintegrate in plumes of white steam. Mikasa swears she can smell wildflowers.

"Mikasa Ackerman," a girl's voice echoes. Mikasa whips her head around, looking for the source of the sound. Someone seems to materialize from the steam, swirling eddies of smoke coalescing in the form of a small girl, scraggly blond hair falling into her eyes, barefoot in a dirty white dress. Her face is blank, her eyes downcast.

"Ymir," Mikasa says, the name forming in her mouth before she can think of it.

Ymir nods, then points to Eren's head. "You loved him. Why did you kill him?"

"I had to."

"Why?"

"Because some things are more important than my love." Ymir stares blankly, seemingly confused. "The millions of people who died are more important. The world is more important. Besides, what kind of person would I be to stand beside someone who could slaughter so many people so senselessly?"

"You… don't love him?" The little girl blinks quickly, white lids snapping over black eyes. Something about it seems inhuman, wrong somehow. Mikasa cannot help but think of insects.

A tear falls from her face and lands on Eren’s, snaking a trail down his cheek as though he'd shed it himself. "I can never forget what he did and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive him for it, but I'll always love Eren."

"You wouldn't die for him?"

Mikasa answers without hesitation. "Never."

Ymir's gaze snaps up to Mikasa's, and she feels sick from what she sees in the girl's odd, dark eyes: a hunger, almost starvation, for the scraps of affection Karl Fritz would throw at her; a longing to be treated well, to be fussed over and doted on and adored. Ymir would close her eyes and dream of a shining, beautiful man when the king held her down and fucked her, made her recoil, made her bleed, beat her when she cried out or complained of the pain. She carved out a space in her mind for him where she sculpted him into her ideal. Sometime between that first bloody night and the day the assassin's spear pierced her chest she invented a Karl Fritz out of whole cloth, a man whose cold entreaties and brutal assaults were proof of his undying love.

Mikasa sees these things from Ymir’s eyes, feels the bruises forming on her back, the tearing and bleeding between her legs, the rotted wine breath of Karl Fritz in her mouth.

"I would never have jumped in front of that spear," she says, more confident than she’s ever felt. "I wouldn't even have considered it." Ymir frowns, cocks her head like she's trying to understand. "You thought you were doing the right thing, but you protected a man who never loved you. You laid down your life for a man who forced your daughters to consume your body. He didn't even mourn you."

A flash of anger contorts Ymir's face. Her eyes dart around wildly, turning Mikasa's words over in her mind. "But he loved me," she insists.

"Did he ever tell you he loved you? Or did he treat you like a slave?" Mikasa's voice wavers at the word slave, at the memory of Eren screaming at her across that restaurant table; the moment her wall of denial came crumbling down. No matter what his plan was, it became clear that day that he would step on any of them to achieve it. She had no idea how true that assessment would become, millions of bodies crushed into the contaminated earth beneath the feet of Eren’s Titans.

She wonders if things would have happened differently if he'd just admitted once that he loved her.

"You are free," she tells Ymir. "You choose your own destiny. I am free, and I chose mine."

Ymir says nothing, her eyes luminous with tears, and then dissipates into the smoke. Mikasa is vaguely aware of the wavering steam around her, of Levi flying on Falco's back and pulling her out of the Titan's mouth before everything turns hazy and white.

She can see the scene from two thousand years earlier as clear as though she were there, floating above it all: the crowd come to see King Fritz's speech, the hooded assassin's arm pulling back, the tip of the spear glinting in the daylight. The assassin lets the spear fly, its arc perfectly aimed at the heart of the tyrant. His wife Ymir, older and slimmer than the girl Mikasa met but still with those same sad, black insect eyes, watches in horror as the tip of the spear flies closer and closer; but she does not move, not even when it impales her husband through the chest and the light in his eyes is snuffed out.

In time-lapse, Mikasa sees it all: the accession of Queen Ymir, wise and fair, and the moderate reigns of her three daughters, and their daughters after them. The power of the Titans remains within the royal family, passed down from mother to daughter, a shameful, secret birthright. They create diplomatic ties with other countries, offering succor and counsel, avoiding the path of war so as not to reveal their ultimate power. There is no Great Titan War, no walls, no telepathic manipulation. The world moves forward in fits and starts as it always has, small skirmishes and occasional wars, but the Eldians remain steadfast and committed to peace. Satisfied with Ymir's choice, Mikasa finds herself closing her eyes, opening them for the first time again in the year 835, in her parents' house just outside Shiganshina, as a new doctor pulls her into the world. He is not Grisha Yeager, she notes, and then she forgets who Grisha Yeager is entirely.

In the year 845, there is no Wall Maria for the Colossal Titan to breach, and no Colossal Titan to breach it.

Inside one of the cities in what was once Wall Rose, a history teacher writes notes on a chalkboard before his first class arrives for the day. He draws a crown in the middle of the board and writes the subject of the day's class inside of it: QUEEN YMIR THE WISE. The teacher is startled by a noise behind him; he turns to find one of his students, a shy girl called Sarah, taking a seat at her desk.

"School hasn't started yet," he says. "You're supposed to be outside."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Smith," Sarah replies. "I was looking at a really interesting bug and the other girls started making fun of me."

The teacher nods. "All right, just this once. If you’d like, sometime I could teach you how to stand up to those girls."

Hundreds of miles away, the forests of Dauper ring with the whoops of an exuberant girl, triumphing at having killed her first deer with a bow and arrow she carved herself. She doesn't care that she's scaring the other game away with her commotion, or that she has no idea how she'll lug a hundred-pound carcass all the way back home.

In Trost, a young boy lingers over his breakfast; not because he wants to miss school, but because his mother's omelet is the most delicious thing he's ever eaten and probably ever will eat. His mother ruffles his hair and pinches his round cheek, then gently chides him to eat faster or he’ll be late.

A little boy in Ragako District, a few inches shorter than his friends, demands another explanation of the multiplication tables. He doesn't quite understand the concept, goes blank when his friends try to explain arrays of rows and columns, but he believes that he can pass today's test if he tries hard enough.

Across the sea in Marley, the prosperous Eldian District is strewn with streamers, celebrating the 2000th anniversary of the assassination of the cruel King Fritz. The children have the day off from school and are gathering in the streets, purchasing candy and ice cream from vendor stalls and exchanging them as gifts to celebrate the sweetness of life. A little blond girl receives an extra coin from her father, who tells her to get something special for herself.

A few blocks away, a doctor fills his medical bag and sets off to see his first patient of the day. As he walks through the crowd of happy children, many of whom he’s delivered himself, he hopes that his only son will change his mind and join the family business.

In Mitras, a shopkeeper opens his door for the first time, pausing for a moment in the early morning sunshine to admire the wooden shingle hanging by his doorway, gently swinging in the breeze. It depicts a hand wrapped around a mug of tea, wisps of steam rising into the air above it.

The door opens while he's adjusting the canisters on the shelf behind the counter, making sure their labels face perfectly forward. His heart leaps at the tinkle of the doorbell. He picked the most musical one, the one that made him happiest when he heard it, and he feels very good about his decision.

"Hello, welcome to Ackerman Tea— Mom!" His voice takes on an adolescent whine when he addresses his mother, which makes him feel like a child and impossibly old at the same time, despite his twenty-six years.

"Did you really think I wouldn't be your first customer?" she asks, beaming. "Of course I'm going to come support my sweet boy." Her gaze sweeps over the shop, its walls painted a deep forest green, the mahogany counter polished to a mirror shine. "I'm so proud of you, Levi. You've worked so hard and it shows." Her voice quavers, her eyes filling with tears.

"Moooom," he trills, softer this time, quietly moved. Her presence feels like an auspicious omen, a reminder from the universe that someone will catch him should he fall. "Is there a tea you’re interested in, or would you like me to help you choose? We have more than thirty varieties."

"You've been practicing," his mother notes with a nod.

Levi shrugs off her comment, feeling a bit bashful that she’s noticed his hard work. "I've never been great with people, and this job is nothing but people. At least until I can hire someone to cover the counter while I blend tea in the back."

"You'll get there soon," she says, pulling a few coins from her purse. "Get me something you'd think I'd like."

He thinks for a moment, his brow furrowing in concentration, before his face lights up and he grabs a step-stool to reach a canister of black tea flavored with strawberry and rose. "This one is sweet and floral, but it becomes so much more when you add a bit of milk. You don't even need any sugar."

"Perfect. You even thought about how I take my tea." She places a few coins on the counter, watching her son approvingly as he scoops the tea into a bag, folds it closed with surgical precision, and ties a blue ribbon around it. "You're going to be a success, my love. I know it."

"That makes one of us," he smirks, then scoops the coins into his palm and puts them in the cash register, enjoying the feel of the heavy keys under his fingers, the spring-loaded pressure of the drawer. He hopes he gets to use it many more times today.

"Will you be home for dinner?"

"I should be. I can't imagine people will want to buy tea at night."

"Good," his mother says. "Because now that you're in business, we should talk about finding you a wife."

"MOM!" he exclaims, a furious blush coloring his face.

Further south in Shiganshina, Mikasa sulks as her mother walks her into town, not wanting to leave the safety of her parents' cabin to learn and play with the other children. She is perfectly happy to do chores on the farm, to learn the simultaneously mundane and arcane secrets of coaxing a plant from seed, to throw feed to the chickens and pull weeds in the garden.

"Mikasa, you're ten years old. Your father and I can't teach you everything," her mother says.

"I can learn from books. I don't need to go to school."

"The fact that you're saying that means you need to go. There's more to the world than just our farm, my sweet. You might want to see the world someday."

The little girl huffs. "I doubt it." Her mother simply shakes her head and smiles, ruminating on her daughter’s impending teenage years, a possible hint of rebellion, but finds that hard to imagine. Mikasa is usually a calm, easygoing child, though perhaps a bit too inquisitive and stubborn for her own good.

Mikasa hugs her mother fiercely at the school gate, watching as she turns and walks back up the road that leads to their farm. She’s excited to make new friends and learn new things, but she misses her home more than she ever thought possible. She lets out a soft sigh, then turns to face the crowd of running, yelling children; her new classmates.

She trudges around the grassy schoolyard, dodging groups of kids chasing each other or playing impromptu games. Everyone seems to know each other already; even if she did feel comfortable enough to go up to someone and introduce herself, she has no idea who to approach first.

"Hey! Give that back!" someone screams behind her. Mikasa turns around to see a small blond boy jumping up and down, reaching for a book that a larger boy dangles just above his grasp. The larger boy just laughs at him, taunting him with the book, threatening to tear it from its spine.

Mikasa frowns, balling her fists at her sides, then approaches the boys. "He said to give his book back," she says to the bully. "Give it back."

The bully laughs. "You think you can tell me what to do?"

"I think you should give the book back if you know what's good for you," she snarls, putting her hands on her hips. The bully laughs again and shoves Mikasa out of the way with one hand, making her stumble backwards, tripping over her own feet until she lands on her behind in the dirt. She gets up, dusts herself off, and runs up to the bully, punching him square in the nose. He falls to the ground, dropping the book. Mikasa tosses it to the blond boy. The bully grabs his nose, tears welling in his eyes, and lets out a wail when he sees his hand smeared with blood.

"You leave him alone!" Mikasa threatens, looming over the bully, her dark eyes shining. He scrabbles to his feet and runs away and she lets out a relieved breath, her heart hammering in her chest.

"That was amazing!" the little boy says. When he approaches her, she finds that he's not actually that small, only a few inches shorter than her. "I've never seen you before. Are you new?"

"It's my first day," she replies. "I've lived here all my life but I haven't been to school yet."

"I'm Armin," the boy says. "What's your name?"

"Mikasa."

"That’s an interesting name. Are you from Hizuru?" Armin asks, his eyes wide with curiosity. He holds up his book, a thick, leather-bound tome, A Brief History of Hizuru and the Minor East Sea Islands written in gilt lettering. "My parents told me that the whole country is built around a volcano. A big mountain filled with liquid fire! Well, technically it’s molten rock."

"My mom's family is from Hizuru, but I’ve never been there and I don't know anything about any liquid fire mountains," she says tentatively.

"It's real!" he gushes. "I'm reading about it now. I could tell you about it more at recess if you want. I like to sit under that tree over there." He points off in the distance, at a huge pine tree that shades a corner of the yard. "They're going to ring the bell soon, otherwise I'd tell you now. Volcanoes are so cool. Sometimes they explode and shoot the liquid fire into the sky like a firework."

"Wow!" Mikasa marvels with a smile. "I can’t wait to hear about them."

[tuiyla]

So I finally watched The Owl House

I wish I’d do this with every show I watch but it seems like only a lucky few get the She-Ra style rant of love treatment. Well, I finally watched The Owl House after my dash having been flooded for the past couple of weeks and I have some thoughts. Slight spoilers below.

First off, I love the whole vibe. I had a faint idea that this show would be about magic but I didn’t know much before watching - except for one thing, we’ll get back to that. The way it builds its world and deals with magic, though, is so refreshing. And I just have to mention here that I laughed out loud at all the Harry Potter jabs, they were hilarious. I expect we’ll learn much more about magic and its users as the show goes on but as far as the first season goes the introduction was really solid. It strikes the right balance between leaving things to the imagination but being more than “wave wand and magic happens”. It’s colourful, it’s creative, and I even like the ovens and school tracks, despite knowing that the story is about not conforming to those. It makes the Boiling Isles unique and make me want to learn more about the world even beyond the characters and the main plot.

TOH also presents a world that’s much more macabre than I was expecting from the Disney Channel, not that that’s a bad thing. I found myself thinking of Adventure Time at certain points and pondering, at scary moments, how kids would react. I think kids love this, though, and besides, nothing can be more scarring than Courage the Cowardly Dog was. It’s not that terrifying, of course, just daring enough to stand out. Overall the show has what I would classify as more of a Cartoon Network vibe than a Disney Channel one, but I admittedly haven’t really been following many Disney shows. In any case, I dig it. I dig the weird creatures and the beautiful backgrounds and I appreciate how alive the Boiling Isles feel. It doesn’t take long for TOH to immerse you in its world so I’m for one am hooked.

I make a big deal of loving the world itself because rarely does it happen that world-building stands out to me so soon in a series. I do love carefully constructed fantasy worlds but for the most part I’m more interested in the characters themselves. Here, I’d say it’s close to being a 50-50, which is something that even Avatar can’t say with its elemental masterclass in world-building (which is mostly because the character depth there is unrivaled but still). So yeah, kudos to The Owl House for achieving this. From Luz’s glyph magic to the covens and the titans, I’m excited to explore this world more.

Now, the characters. The real meat of any story. Starting with Luz, I have seen some criticism that she’s a generic hero so far, the “I’m a weirdo”, heart of gold, upbeat variety. I don��t think this makes her bland, though I do admit that being told over and over again that she’s weird makes me less engaged, even she’s also shown to be weird. I like the message of her arc and that the chosen one trope was deconstructed almost right away. I like that she’s relentlessly enthusiastic and kind to people and I like that she doesn’t have to get more bitter in order to get development. Instead, she learns from her mistakes but keeps being herself and brings her unique spirit to the Boiling Isles. We need protagonists like Luz, not just because she’s latina and bisexual but because her learning process doesn’t involve cynicism. Sure, there is a lot she needs to learn but her heart is presented as an asset and a sort of source of magic. I’m excited to see where her story goes, for sure.

I’m gonna write briefly about the other characters before I get to my favourite one. Eda is super cool and I quickly got over the fact that she’s not Beatrice Horseman, lol. She embodies such a youthful energy but the show also allows her to be a middle-aged woman comfortable in her own body - well, owl curse notwithstanding. Also, her relationship with Lilith is one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Eda subverts so many of the mentor’s traditional tropes and I’m here for it. I kinda thought she was the villain based on her design and when I didn’t know anything about the show but hey, happy she’s not.

I don’t think I’d even seen a picture of King before starting to watch the series and at first I thought I’d get tired of him real quick. He’s the type of character who can get really annoying instead of endearing really fast if he’s not given any depth or charm, both by way of writing and voice acting. Luckily, I ended up liking King and his antics. His design is indeed adorable and Alex Hirsch is a genius. The only time I felt like he went too far was, perhaps surprisingly, in the book writing episode, “Sense and Insensitivity”, but even there going too far was the point. So yeah, King’s also great, there’s much potential in his backstory and general character.

Alright so really quickly, other characters: Willow and Gus are generic best friend characters and though they already have other things going on, I expect more development as the series progresses. I like that Willow is actually super powerful, just not in the way people expected her to and Gus is clearly also talented despite being younger. I’d be happy to see more of the other kids, get more familiar with Hexside. Edric and Emira are fun characters but they were really shitty in their first episode so I was kind of surprised they weren’t more of a nuisance to Amity later on. I’m all for supportive siblings so I wouldn’t mind a good relationship between the three but I feel like it’s more complicated than that with the Blights.

Finally, I also have to mention that Hooty is... well, quite something, isn’t he. Much like with King, I thought he’d be much more annoying but somehow the show is self-aware enough that it makes Hooty tolerable. I’m almost always torn between feeling sorry for him and being thoroughly weirded out, and I think that’s the intention? It’s fitting that he’s the titular character as he embodies the tone of The Owl House well in my eyes. He’s there for the comedy but there’s just enough there to hint at something more. Very bizarre, strong CN vibes, here for it.

Now that I’ve written a paragraph more about Hooty than I expected to, let’s talk about Amity. Listen, no other character stood a chance to be my favourite as soon as I learned Mae Whitman voiced Amity. That woman gave me Katara so now I have a quasi Pavlovian response to her voice. I’d also say that I knew more about Amity going into the show than I did about any other aspect of TOH. I heard somewhere that she started out as an antagonist, I knew her parents were abusive, and the reason the show blew up on my dash and my general online bubble is the Grom episode. Lucikly I only saw stills of Lumity beneath the crescent moon but the pure Sapphic energy of that was enough to gay migrate me to this show. I’d like to note it here though that The Owl House is a good show in and of itself, the queer rep is just a nice extra. I’m gonna spend the next couple hundred words going on about Amity and her crush on Luz but I don’t value only that. The Gay Migration is great and rep is great but I’m also grateful to have a solid show behind it. That being said.

I’m a total dyke for Amity Blight. I was very biased before even being introduced to her character but I genuinely find her to be fascinating and she has great potential. She’s developing quite quickly, like much of The Owl House, but an arc not being stretched out for several seasons before getting a rushed conclusion is refreshing. The progress hits all the beats and the only note I have is that I want more. She starts out as a generic bully but the opportunity to be more is there from the beginning. We find out early on that she used to be friends with Willow, we see that she works hard and values honest work. When she becomes Luz’s rival, it doesn’t last long before Amity shows that she’s open to new perspectives. That’s not to defend or even justify her earlier and nastier moments, Amity was rude to both Luz and Willow. But through all that, she becomes a complex character who does bad things but isn’t a bad person and grows when she gets the space to. I think that’s neat.

Luz’s decision to befriend her might be cartoon logic but as someone who subscribes to the “kill them with kindness” ideology, I can totally relate. Amity’s softer side doesn’t take long to show and “Lost in Language” is such a great episode to show how complex people can be. Again, I was already biased when it came to Amity but she’s consistently shown to be capable of self-reflection and growth when others give her the chance. I think her past and potential future friendship with Willow is a great way to explore many different topics and I’m trusting the show to do it justice. I also can’t wait to meet the rest of the Blights, if only to get me some angst and further develop Amity. I half expected Grom to take the form of her parents. Too dark for Disney? Well, we don’t know Amity’s dynamic with her parents, exactly, but there’s so much subtext and potential. I love what we’ve already seen from her but I’d also say that she has one of the greatest potentials in the show.

Another way in which this potential manifests is Lumity, of course. Again, they’re developing quite quickly but that doesn’t mean it’s rushed. I’d love to explore Amity’s crush more and what Luz means to her. The Grom episode surpassed all expectations, still and gifs don’t do the stunning dance sequence justice. The animation is so smooth, the colours are amazing, the music is on point and the Sapphic vibes complete the picture. Poetic cinema, truly. Molly Ostertag and Noelle Stevenson are really out there giving wlw animation fans everything we ever wanted, huh. It also warms my heart that the crush is made very clear, not just by Luz’s name being on the note but by the delightful gay disaster that is Amity in “Wing It Like Witches”. I never thought I’d ever see such a relatable useless lesbian in animation so kudos to Dana Terrace and the whole crew. Wow, how far we’ve come.

So yeah, Amity is a funky little lesbian and I’m a 100% here for her gay disaster moments, but I also love where Lumity is going thematically. They’re great as foils and I’m hoping that they won’t get together at the very end. Look, I love me some Bubbline, Korrasami and Catradora, but it’s time a wlw relationship had the chance to exist onscreen and not only in the last episode. The Owl House has a great chance to do that. I know the creators don’t want romance to be the main focus and I respect that, I think the world they created deserves to showcased and explored to its full potential. Lumity could be a great subplot though, as representation on the one hand and as a thematically interesting dynamic on the other. Plus, Luz and Amity are just cute and sometimes, it’s as simple as that. Oh, and also the whole Little Miss Perfect thing? One of the best fandom discoveries I’ve made in a long while. Not only is the song truly perfect for Amity, I love that Joriah Kwamé went on to write Ordinary as well. This right here is why fandom is beautiful.

I think that’s about it for season 1 initial thoughts. The moral can be a bit on the nose at times, especially in the early episodes but the show is ultimately for kids and I appreciate its message. Interesting world and magic system, good characters, great potential for later seasons, just a well put together show that I’m really glad I started watching. I’m kind of sorry I didn’t keep up with season 1 as it was coming out but I would not have been able to wait between episodes. The pacing is good overall, deffo moves fast but I wouldn’t call it rushed, and the “filler” episodes still add something to the story. I’m not sure if I would still feel like the show moves at a fast pace if I hadn’t binged it but in any case it isn’t rushed, the necessary beats are all there and have time to sit. I’m going to watch as it comes out from now on so hopefully season 2 will arrive early next year.

Oh, and: I’m very new to the fandom, barely just found out about Little Miss Perfect, so any and all tidbits, fun facts, and fic recommendations are welcome. Also if you just want to chat my inbox is always open!

[natsubeatsrock]

So, I’ve been watching Sword Art Online: Abridged Parody, and...

I don’t think it’s terribly controversial to say that SAO Abridged has become the gold standard for what a good abridged series can do. While Team Four Star took 3 legendary IPs, Final Fantasy VII, Hellsing Ultimate, Dragon Ball Z are all generally considered to be fairly decent as stories. As much as people complain about DBZ’s random power ups, it’s not as if it was incoherent. Things make a decent amount of sense and that was the worst of the bunch.

Sword Art Online is notoriously problematic. No doubt I’m not the first person to say that. Plenty of people have said as much all over Tumblr and Youtube. In abridging SAO, Something Witty Entertainment managed to improve on what happened originally.

Now, I want to do something incredibly nerdy. (As if I haven’t done nerdy things on this blog before.) One of my favorite things about SAO Abridged is its insane sense of connections between episodes. Things are referenced that don’t matter until much later and jokes are often built on previous events long before the present episode. Two of the big plot points of the current arc are built on information we learned in a few previous episodes. I want to argue that episode 2 is the most important episode of the first arc because of its connections to every other episode in the arc.

To start, the narrator in the cold open connects this episode to the one before it by saying that a number of players died after being idiots. Notably some jumped into fire. If you remember, Klein struggled to kill a pig and named his avatar Ballsdeep69. In episode 2, this is shown in this episode in that players haven’t read the manual compiled by beta testers.

Though, it’s not as if that;s  the only reason they’d fail. In episode 3, the leader of the Black Cats took some of the tutorial NPCs from missions. Kayaba blames this as a factor in people failing miserably in the season finale. But we’ll get to him soon enough.

The intro plays and we’re in a meeting of players who are trying to beat a boss. The idea is that people will strategize to beat a boss by working together. This doesn’t pan out well throughout the series. Kirito is able to tank hits from seven lower level players in episode 4. In episode 5, the meeting to beat Sheeptar happens after 7 people. When they go after the meeting, 5 more died.

Now Kibaou makes his only appearance in the series. I don’t want to make too many “this character makes their debut here” connections. Asuna and Tiffany make their debut and are important characters in this series, but I’m not talking about them in this way. Kibaou is minor enough that I can mention him here. His stupid entrance makes his takeover of the Aincrad Liberation Front in episode 10 seem like a negative statement about them more than a positive one for him.

Though, episode 8 shows a bit of their incompetence on their own. While Corbax thinks his strategy of “group up and hit it till it dies” is revolutionary, it’s about as revolutionary as he is Hispanic. The strategy’s true origin is episode 2, as an alternative to Kirito’s “final solution”. That doesn’t work well and Kibaou starts to take power as a result of Corvax dying.

We then get Asuna’s troubles with menus. She’s not the only one with these issues, considering we learn Yoko has issues with the menu in episode 6. However, this is one of many clever ways to hint at Asuna’s ineptitude with the game early on. While she’s shown to have a lot of innate skill in this episode, that’s despite her inexperience. For all the changes made from the original, this was best shown in both versions by Asuna using her real name as her avatar name in the final episode of the arc.

Something I didn’t pick up on right away was that the setup for Laughing Coffin comes from episode 2. One player receives messages he believed to be from Jesus. At the end of the fight, he gets the command to kill them all and the end card is preluded with a creepy version of “Jesus Loves Me”. They come up in episodes 6 and 9. In episode 4, it comes up that other groups like Titan’s Hand have come up.

But the big thing that you see from this episode is a theme that runs through the first arc of this show. Kirito sees this game as an alternative to the real world. It would be easiest to make this the only real connection to this episode, but that would be lazy. (Clearly, this was written before I realized how crazy this “one post a day” idea was.)

Kirito mentions that he has power he didn’t in the real world in episode 1. While that may have felt like a throwaway line at the time. In episode 2, he uses that power to tell off the idiots around him, just like he wishes he could have done in real life. And to be honest, he might not be right about being able to solo the boss, but he’s definitely better than most everyone else in the boss room. Asuna might be on par with him skillwise, but he has more experience than her.

I almost called this section of connections “Kirito is better than those around him.” While he’s not the strongest player in SAO, as we end up learning, he’s certainly better than most of the people he’s playing alongside. This ego serves as fuel for tagging with Silica in episode 4 under the supposed threat of Laughing Coffin. It’s why we get the formation of “The Kirito is Always Right Foundation” in episodes 5 and 6. It’s why he challenges Heathcliff in episodes 9 and 11.

But something happens.

In episode 3, he unwittingly joins a guild because he’s such an amazing player. However, that wasn’t enough to save his guild mates from dying. Sadly, he had just decided to open up to people and the ordeal closed him off to people and even emotions according to episode 4. In episodes 4, 5, 7, and 8 we get the sense that this event had a serious emotional impact on him.

However, through these events he learns to open up to people more. Going on missions and teaming up with othes, he starts to open up to people. This obviously leads to a relationship with Asuna and Yui original. As stupid as he still feels the people around him are, he still has respect for him.

In episode 2, he tells the people, “Shoot for the stars. It will make it more fun when I kick you back into the dirt.” In episode 8, we see a change in his epic rant, which happens to be my favorite moment in the series. On humans he says, “They are without question a complete write-off as a species. And how dare you make me care about them!” And when Kayaba goes on a similar rant to Kirito’s after his identity is revealed, Kirito plays defense for them, lukewarm as it is.

And wouldn’t you know? Kirito is told that he could have served as a leader and inspiration to the people in SAO because he is better than so many of them. Sure, Kayaba bring the idea up that same episode and a few episodes earlier in trying to recruit him for the Knights of the Blood Oath. However, the idea first came up in episode 2.

[dumbkiri]

Buried Secrets Three

Parts: [1, 2, Here]

Summary: [Name] remembers a Wednesday night. Then she gets pulled back into reality where she meets the new Robin. Deathstroke ends up hurting Dick Grayson in more ways than one. [Name], even when injured, jumps after Jason. Now she’s going to fix his broken mind. 

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Female! Reader, Jason Todd x Motherly! Reader

Genre: Slight Angst, Boring Action

Word Count: 5.1k, 14 pages //wow never writing that much again...my fingers hurt

Warning: Mentions of suicide

It was a Wednesday night. [Name] was wearing a black dress that hugged her curves and heels that made her two inches taller. Her makeup was done with a natural look to it, but more highlight. Her body was covered in a light sweat with bodies barely touching her own limbs. She danced to the music that vibrated through her chest with a rhythm she could barely follow. She needed a night of no fighting crime all on her own and let herself have fun for once. 

“Ride it, just lose control…” 

[Name] felt a group of people come near her and they proudly danced with her. There were slight touches near her back, her legs and arms. She didn’t mind the company. She felt a lonely either way. 

“Ride it, ride it, baby let me feel you…” 

The song was very hip swaying and arms waving to the beat of the song. She didn’t care who was around her or touching her body. She wanted to forget the evening she was supposed to spend time with her boyfriend. [Name] was only left with a message. 

Hey, I can’t come tonight, but I’ll make it up to you. I heard that you had to tell me something important. I’ll see you later at the apartment. 

[Name] felt a stranger’s arm wrap around her abdomen and pull her to their body. She followed the pull and began dancing against the stranger’s front. She could tell it was a male and he was very fit. His hands were on her waist and his fingers were gripping her with a firm, protective grasp. He was making sure no one took her away from him. 

[Name] wished Dick acted this way with her. Although lately, he had been distant with her. As much as she wants to forget him tonight, she couldn’t help wonder about what he was doing. 

“What’s a beautiful lady like you doing alone?” The man dancing with her asked. His voice was deep and she could tell the man was older. Older than her and Dick. Yet [Name] didn’t mind the age gap. Older men had experience. 

[Name] leaned her head against his chest and looked up at him. Her [e.color] eyes locked with brown ones. They were devoid of any emotion, but the smile on his face tried to prove otherwise. She knew this man. And he knew her. But in this moment, they didn’t care for their identities. They wanted something from each other. 

“Are you here to kill me?” [Name] asked setting her hands on top of Slade’s gently. 

Slade scoffed and leaned his head down to hers, “If I wanted to kill you, it would have happened earlier.” He removed his hands and intertwined his fingers with her own. It was a small gesture of reassurance. 

“Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch…”

[Name] brought their intertwined hands toward her chest making Slade hug her body close to his. She swayed to the new song that came on. She recognized it, 7 Rings by Ariana Grande. 

“Who woulda thought it'd turn me to a savage…”

She looked up at him and shrugged her shoulders, “All men go back on their words.” She let go of his hands and pushed herself away from him. Fraternizing with the enemy was disgusting, she should be thinking. But looking back at the man she left at the dance floor made her heart race. [Name] pushed passed the people who blocked her way as she wanted to go to the bar. 

“I want it, I got it…”

[Name] walked up to the bar and called over the bartender. She ordered her drink and stood waiting for the glasses. “You have experience with guys going back on their word, but not men. That's different,” Slade appeared by her left side with his arms on the bar. He was smooth and persistent. She had to give him that. 

“Three shots of Tequila Rose,” The bartender slid the shot glasses off to [Name] and she gave him a nod of thanks. 

Slade chuckled, “Really?” He was judging her choice of alcohol.  

“Hey, I have to argue with a little birdie tomorrow and if he finds me passed out in my apartment, he’s going to flip.” She downed the first shot easily. “If he finds out I spent a night with his, no, our enemy, let’s just say our relationship would be rocky.” 

Slade furrowed his eyebrows, “I thought you were drinking for some other reason.”

[Name] took her second shot glass in her hand, “Is there another reason beside him cancelling another important date again?” 

Slade stayed quiet and watched her down the second. Then the third. He took a seat next to her and ordered his own drink. He silently watched the woman next to him ask for a glass of water, but he stopped the bartender. “Actually get her the same drink I’m having.” 

[Name] sighed and turned her body to Slade, “What do you want, Slade? Information on the Titans because I can’t give you anything. I plan on quitting the team, so-”

“I wanted to check on you,” Slade admitted with his eyes directed to the bottles of alcohol displayed behind the bar. 

“I want it. I got it…”

“Why would you check on me? As you can see, I’m perfectly fine. Lonely, yes. Although I know the consequences of dating a guy who can’t stop crime fighting.” [Name] leaned closer to Slade and she pressed her index finger on his chest. “Seriously, are you here to kill me?” 

“No,” Slade said firmly and gripped her hand tightly in his. His brown eyes locked with her [e.color] ones. He pulled her closer to his body and whispered in her ear. “Grayson is cheating on you with Dawn, your old teammate.” 

“Wearing a ring, but ain’t gon’ be…”

“W-what?” [Name] asked with a racing heart. She had stumbled backwards, but Slade caught her quickly. This time he wasn’t letting her go. He had her in his arms. He watched her eyes get watery as fresh tears began to fall down her face. “You’re lying,” [Name] concluded and tried to push against him, but he was strong. 

“No,” He started not minding the weak punches he was receiving from her, “I have proof, check my jacket pocket.” 

“What do you mean? I’m sorry by the way…”

[Name] sniffled and wiped her eyes. Her shaky hand found itself in his jacket pocket and she felt photos between her fingertips. She stopped herself and leaned her head onto Slade’s shoulder. [Name] wasn’t prepared for this.

“Never coming back down, can’t you see…”

“Look at them,” Slade instructed her and rested his hands on her hips. “You have to.”

[Name] pulled the photos out and picked up her head. Slade had proof of Dick’s infidelity. Dawn was happily in his arms, their legs intertwined like vines on a wall. A coat of sweat on their heated bodies. Blanket hiding the position they were in. Dawn had her eyes closed in ecstasy and [Name]’s own boyfriend was the cause of it. 

“I could, but wouldn’t stay…”

[Name] threw the photos at Slade and ripped his hands off her hips. She stormed away from the bar and made her way out of the club. She took her phone out of her purse and dialed Dick’s number. When the cold air of September brushed past her, shivers were sent down her spine. She pressed the call button and put her phone against her ear. He picked up on the fifth ring. 

“Hey, [Name]?”

“Where are you?” She asked quickly and began taking her heels off. Her feet started to ache. 

Dick paused before he came up with an answer, “At Titan’s base, is everything okay?” 

“You liar,” She spat and paced in front of the club where people began giving her weird looks because her eyes were slowly glowing red. Her hands held onto her heels and red swirls surrounded her clenched fist. “Send me your location.” 

“[Name], I’m at the base,” Dick clarified with a strong tone. He was getting annoyed, she could tell. 

“I can’t believe you would do this to me,” She began crying again. “I’ve sacrificed everything for you. I gave you everything and you repay me by-” Her phone was taken from her hand and the culprit was the one who told her about the secret. 

Slade pressed the end call button and he put her phone in his pocket, “I think it’s time for you to go home." 

"Go home? There's no place for me to go. Dick has keys to my apartment and a tracker in my phone. He probably already knows where I'm at." [Name] concluded and plopped herself down on the edge of the sidewalk. Her face buried in her hands. Her body shivering from the cold and her tears didn't warm her up. Her heart began to close up until she felt a hand on her bare shoulder. 

"I have a place you can go," Slade's voice sounded genuine and [Name] knew that he could be lying. Lead her into a trap when she was vulnerable. She was the strongest Titan, Slade knew that. Was he only being so nice to her because he wanted to use her power. 

[Name] wiped at her teary eye, “Just because you showed my boyfriend’s infidelity to me doesn’t mean I’ll switch up and fight the Titans. I’m not that weak minded.” 

Slade chuckled and sat by her. He examined the photos like he did so many times and ripped them apart. [Name] bit her lip and watched him silently as he ripped all the photos into tiny pieces. “I’m not making you fight your team. It was an idea I considered, but your power is meant for so much more.” 

“You want to use me?” She questioned glaring at him and the torn up pieces. It was like she was staring at her own heart. All [Name] wanted was for Dick to love her the same way she did him. To hold her like he held Dawn. It wasn’t too much to ask for. 

“You can read into my mind, how about you tell me what I want,” Slade leaned closer to her. 

[Name]’s eyes glowed red and she found out his intentions. She wasn’t thinking what he was. But now that the idea was planted in her head, she thought about it more. “Okay, okay, you can stop thinking about those things now.” [Name] looked away with a slight blush on her cheeks. 

She let her head rest on her shaking knees, “I know he has cheated on me, but I can’t do the same thing. Dick-”

“Don’t say his name,” Slade whispered and grabbed her chin making her look at him. “I can make you forget about him, just let me in.” 

“Okay,” [Name] breathlessly said. 

……

“You tried to control his mind,” Slade dropped his gun on the wooden table with a huff. He plopped onto the seat in front of [Name] and examined her sad state. He crossed his arms and gave her a look of distrust, “You ended up killing a man because of your actions.”

[Name] snorted, “I just showed him his fear and he acted on it. He was going to fight the Titans because you were a coward not to.” Her tears were dried up and the only evidence that she was crying was the tracks on her face. 

Then Slade got off the chair and walked behind her. She couldn't see what he was doing, but she heard a body dragging on the floor. Although dead people don't groan in pain. A chair was thrown next to her and Slade dropped the person he was dragging onto it. 

[Name]'s eyes widen. This teenager was wearing a Robin costume. Bruce got a second Robin, did Dick know about this?

"I found a flightless bird alone. Let’s just say he left his nest too early." Slade commented and began tying the Robin up allowing no escape for him. The rope would have been rubbing the skin raw, but because Robin wore gloves his wrists were protected. Unlike hers. 

As the seconds went by, [Name] grew worried about the boy. He was really beaten up by Slade which meant he put up quite a fight. His face was decorated with bruises just like hers. 

 Slade finished and walked off, but not without making sure his captives were knocked out for good. 

……

“Kori, watch out!” 

“Don’t worry about me! Go get Jason!”

[Name] shivered when her ears tried processing the voices that spoke. She blinked her eyes open and saw three silhouettes fighting each other. It was a blur until her eyes finally focused in the darkness. She saw her enemy fight off what [Name] knew as the Titans. Or at least two members. She was in the corner of the room with nothing bounding her and she had a choice to make. 

Leave the Titans and get John or fight with the Titans and face them later on. 

[Name] pushed herself off the floor and dusted her clothes off. She saw a woman get blown backwards from one of Deathstroke’s gadgets and it rendered her immobile. Deathstroke saw this as an opportunity to kill her, yet he didn’t deliver the last blow because Dick was there to stop him. The move caught Deathstroke off guard which [Name] believed it was her time to step in. To help Dick like she did long ago. 

Although the woman from earlier woke up just in time to fire at him with her own ability. Then a green light caught everyone's attention only for it to go off and a piercing sound rang in their ears. Their eyes shut tightly because of the blinding light. [Name] uncovered her ears and opened her eyes to see Deathstroke already standing. He had the detonator in his hand. 

Then he pressed it without so much of a thought. Dick was the first to react on instinct and he ran to see if Robin truly did fall. 

[Name] looked passed Deathstroke and saw the fear in the teen’s eyes as he began tilting backwards. She didn’t even notice him in danger. Her mind was wrapped up in- 

“You care too much, Grayson,” Deathstroke said loud enough for Dick to hear and right in [Name]’s ear. She stayed still not processing why her body couldn’t move from its spot. Her feet were rooted to the ground. Her hands subconsciously went to her abdomen where she felt a sticky substance. Then her mouth opened up choking on her own blood. 

Deathstroke slid his sword out from [Name]’s wound and he pushed her forward to which she stumbled. “No!” Dick yelled still holding onto Robin’s gloved hand. [Name] looked at her wound then to Dick. It looked like he was crying, but the only time she saw him cry was out of happiness when John was born. 

“John,” She whispered her son’s name even when she was bleeding out. 

Then she saw Robin’s hand slipped from Dick’s. He was falling to his death. But [Name] wasn’t going to let him die. Instead she stumbled her way to the broken window and jumped out. She could have sworn she felt Dick’s fingers graze her leg. 

[Name]’s eyes glowed red and she reached out to Robin with whatever determination she had left. She felt his gloved hand hold her bloody one and she wrapped him tightly in an embrace. “I won’t let you go,” Her whisper was gone with the rushing wind and [Name] had slowened their descent to the ground using her last strength. 

Her back touched the cement softly and Robin was curled up on her side. He held her tightly which was painful for [Name], but she hugged him back. She knew he was scared beyond belief. He had a chance of dying. 

“[Name]! Jason!” Dick yelled from the building. 

That was all [Name] heard before she fell asleep. The last thing she saw was the Superman logo. 

……

Dick watched John cry for the tenth time and he was completely tensed. All John did was cry about [Name] and it made his heart ache. After all, Dick was the one to cause her so much pain. 

“You guys have a very cute baby, but he’s very loud,” Donna tried to lighten up the mood by visiting Dick in the kitchen. Her brown eyes landed on John who was sulking in the corner lightly punching the walls with his tiny fists. “I can see he also inherited your anger-” 

Dick glared at her.

“Issues. But have you at least let the kid see his mom?” Donna walked over to the fridge and took a drink out.

“So he can see what I did to his mom?” Dick questioned with a sharp tone. He wasn’t going to let John see the bruises or cuts on [Name]. He was going to protect the image John had of his mother. 

Donna shrugged her shoulders, “Maybe she’ll wake up if he visits her?” She said it as a joke, but John’s head perked up at the mention of his mother. He wobbled over to Donna and pulled at her jeans. He gave her a smile, “See Mama.” 

“No.” Dick snapped and put his face into his hands. 

His mean reply only made John cry more. The little boy fell onto his butt and cried crocodile tears. “Mama! Mama! Mama!” John cried over and over. Snot and tears running down his red face. Donna gave Dick the “he’s your son, fix the problem” look to which he sighed. 

“Awe is John feeling down?” Dawn came into the kitchen and swept John into her arms. John continued crying as Dawn cleaned his nose with a tissue. Dick watched Dawn seeing how the two of them looked slightly compatible. She didn’t mind John crying or sneezing on her. Dick thought Dawn would have made a great mother. 

“Please put my son down,” A voice interrupted Dick’s thoughts and he turned around in his chair to see [Name]. She looked fine, well better than fine actually. Her face was healed up and she stood with her back straight. Her eyes were unwavering and only directed to Dawn. 

“[Name], you’re awake,” Dawn said with a strained smile noticing the hostility she was receiving. 

[Name]’s neutral look turned into a glare, “My son, you can let go of him now.” 

Dawn set John gently onto the floor and the boy ran over to his mom with wide arms. He embraced her legs and babbled for a bit then looked up at her. She smiled down at him and picked him up. [Name] let her forehead touch John’s gently and she looked into his happiest memories. She saw herself and John at home playing with his favorite toys. The stuffed lion sitting next to him proudly.

Then she remembered something. She pecked John on the cheek and looked at the old Titans, “I need to see Robin.”

Dick gave her a questioning gaze, “Is everything okay?”

“Can you lead me to him? Maybe we can find out together.” [Name] suggested and gestured for him to show her the way. 

……

“I need time alone with him, Dick. I can feel his mind. It’s all twisted and I can feel him falling.” [Name] stood outside the door holding herself with shaky arms. 

Dick was holding onto a quiet John, “Alright, just let me know if you need some help. He’ll listen to me.” 

“Like I believe you,” [Name] smiled sadly and walked into Jason’s room closing the door after her. And looking at Jason. It was worse than she thought.

Falling. He was stuck in an endless fall. Jason Todd was losing himself. He was reliving the night he fell. It was just him falling and he continued to do so. 

“Jason!”

He wasn’t going to stop falling. When was he going to stop falling!

[Name] sadly observed Jason’s still form. His back was facing her and he was looking out the window. [Name] knew better, he wasn’t staring at the beautiful view offered to him. He only saw himself falling. His eyes went up and down looking at the building he fell from. [Name] stepped up and knew what she had to do. Her hand reached out for his. Her fingers dancing on his palm and red swirls danced with her digits. Her eyes glowed red and she made herself appeared in his fall. 

Someone save me! Stop me from falling!

“I won’t let-.” 

“How fucked up are you!” Rachel came storming into Jason’s room ruining the connection [Name] was trying to make with the suffering boy. Rachel ran up to him with her voice cracking, “All you do is give people reasons to hate you.” 

Jason numbly replied with his eyes still on the window, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

[Name] looked into his mind. Jason never stopped falling. 

Rachel continued, “The crosses on my mirror.” It was like she was trying to refresh Jason’s mind. Tell him what he did wrong.

Jason removed his eyes from the window and gave his attention to Rachel, “I still don’t know what the fuck you’re talking-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Rachel yelled as her eyes glowed red and her voice got deeper; demonic. 

[Name]’s arms spread out and she stepped in front of Jason. Red like solar flares spread above her body like a phoenix. “Cut it out!” The older female yelled and Rachel immediately backed down. Jason didn’t notice the kind act [Name] did in trying to protect him. Instead with his voice cracking, he declared, “I’m sick of this shit.” 

Jason ran out of the room and [Name] followed after him. She needed to tend to his broken mind. She needed to get him away from the toxic titans. The negative feedback and accusation he received was doing him no good. 

“Fuck!” Rachel yelled out and ran after Jason, “Don’t fucking walk away from me!”

“Whoa! Hey, what’s happening here?” Dawn, being the nice one, asked concerned with Kory and Hank also interested. 

Rachel stopped following Jason and looked at the adults, “Jason drew crucifixes all over my mirror.” 

“Bullshit,” Jason said obviously pissed that he was being blamed for something he didn’t do.

 “Jason, it’s okay if you’re angry,” Dawn sided with Rachel and gave Jason a look [Name] was all too familiar with. It was a look [Name] would give John when he did something bad like draw on the walls. Dawn was treating Jason like a baby. In reality, he needed to be cared for and trusted like a colleague; a team member. 

“I didn’t do shit, okay? Jason’s voice kept cracking, “Don’t blame me for her voodoo issues.” 

[Name] cringed. Wrong thing to say at this moment, but he was in the right. 

Donna jumped in, walking from behind Jason, “What’s all the drama about?”

“Somebody drew crosses on Rachel’s mirror and she thinks Jason did it,” Dawn filled Donna on the latest gossip. [Name] had to step in soon, but she didn’t want to alter reality. When she does, she loses a bit of her sanity each time. 

“I know he did it, “ Rachel cried with a hint of anger in her trembling voice. 

“Cute idea with the bourbon bottle. Not my type though. I’m more of a sour mash guy,” Hank stepped in with a territorial stance, “You ever go in my room and pull that shit again, I’ll forget what team you’re on.” 

Jason looked at Hank with confusion. ‘Why? Why is this happening to me?’

[Name] could see his mind and she saw him falling deeper into the abyss his own teammates were making for him. “Stop this,” [Name] whispered feeling her heart ache for the sad teen. 

Donna stared accusingly at the male, “Why, Jason?” 

“I don’t know what happened guys, but I didn’t do it.” Jason said defeated. 

“What about the picture of Ellis,” Dawn questioned.

“The orange soda bottle.” Donna glared at him.

“He did it to you guys too?” Rachel asked relieved knowing that she wasn’t the only one who he was pulling pranks on. 

“I said stop this!” [Name] roared and the Phoenix appeared above her again protecting Jason from their false accusations. They all quieted down and backed away from the protective woman. “Jason didn’t do anything of what you guys are accusing him of. He’s broken right now and if you had half the mind,  which I now know you don’t, you would have noticed the trauma he’s suffered!” 

“I can’t believe this,” Jason stared at his once teammates, “but you’re all insane. I rather be with Deathstroke than with you assholes.” 

Ding! 

The elevator opened up and Dick walked in holding John with his left arm and his right holding a gun. [Name] scoffed, “Seriously, you’re holding a gun and John next to each other. Dick that’s not safe, go read a book on parenting,” [Name] scolded and went to take John away from him, but he pulled back. 

“He’s here,” Dick said out of breath. 

“Who?” Hank asked still heated about Jason. 

“Deathstroke, here, in the tower.” Dick explained further, “He took pictures of all of us.” His brown eyes scanned [Name]’s frightened form. He remembered seeing a photo of himself laying his head at her bedside when she was healing. 

“Dick, talk to me,” Hank tried to reach out to the former Robin, “what’s with the gun?” 

Dick stared into space, “Jason.” Then he ran out to find the said teen. [Name] followed after him, “Dick, be careful, you still have John in your arms.” 

……

“Jason!” Dick called out to the teen shifting John into a more comfortable position. 

“I keep falling,” Jason informed his leader. 

Dick looked at [Name], “I thought you said you could help him.” He was accusing her. 

“Yeah blame me, Rachel was the one who barged in when I was trying to make a connection just make sure no one stops us this time.” [Name] rolled her eyes at Dick and walked toward Jason. She was going to help him now. 

“Hey,” She called out softly, “I can help you.”

“No,” Jason cried, “It won’t stop.” His pink chapped lips trembled. 

Dick stepped in, “Listen-”

“Bruce wasn’t the first one, you know...tried to help me,” Jason was sad. His heart was broken even before he met the Titans. Which is why he fought with so much anger. “I can make a list. Relatives, teachers, cops. Dick and now you. Nobody’s been up to the task, Phoenix.”

There was a pause before he continued, “I got a poison in me. Shit spreads, it can infect even the healthiest people.” Jason took a shaky breath in and each word he spoke, [Name] took a step forward. 

“You know,” [Name] began, “I thought the same thing myself, Jason. I was born with a powerful magic ability. It killed a lot of people, so the only thing I could do was to shut myself out from the world. I kept low and only interacted with people when I needed to.” 

She stepped onto the edge of the building, standing proudly next to Jason. “Yet that didn’t stop my chaos magic from growing stronger. It acted on its own and well when you hit the lowest point of life, you think of terrible things. So I came up with a plan to off myself. Maybe the world would be better without a poison like me, I thought. But then I was saved.” 

“Why don’t you just step away,” Dick told Jason and [Name] whipped her head at the older male. She was trying to reach Jason, but she couldn’t do it if he was distracted. She didn’t want to alter his reality without his permission. 

Jason shook his head, “No.”

“Step away from the ledge, Jason.” Dick tried again. 

The boy said nothing and Dick sat by [Name]’s legs with John sitting happily in his lap. [Name] gave a side glare at Dick and mouthed, “You seriously sitting here with John?” 

He mouthed back with a smile, “You’ll catch us.” 

Dick spoke outloud for Jason to hear, “I guess we’ll sit here. Together.”

She focused back on the task at hand. “Please, tell me what you think you did so wrong,” [Name] begged the teen and she saw a slight movement of his head. He was so close to looking at her. 

“I fucked it all up,” Jason began, his voice cracking again, “coming here. You know, it’s happened before. I once spent two nights in juvie and four fucking people died.” He sighed exasperated, “It follows me like a curse.”

[Name] shook her head, “No, the only thing that follows you is the truth.” At this point, she didn’t know if her words were meant for herself, Dick or Jason. Maybe the three of them needed to hear it. “We all have our regrets, our guilt and our own suffering.”

“I’m the reason they all hate each other,” Jason sniffled, “The reason that kid got shot, the reason this place won’t work.” 

[Name] shook her head. 

Jason exhaled, “But I can fix it. Remove the poison.” He leaned forward and moved his left foot out. But Dick’s voice stopped him. 

“Jason, wait,” Dick looked at [Name] as if he was telling her it’s now or never, “lend [Name] your hand. She’ll stop you from falling.” 

Jason looked over at the trio then to [Name]’s outstretched hand. He stared at her soft hand wanting to hold it, but he couldn’t. “Who s-saved you?” Jason had to know her story. She said she was saved, but who saves people who are infected with poison? 

[Name] gave him a kind smile and gestured to her boys behind her, “They both did at different times. Like I said earlier, I planned to kill myself in my teens. Although, Boy Wonder had other plans. He said he wanted to take me out and I called bullshit.” 

Jason snorted. He was slowly coming back. 

“Then he actually took me out on a date. He gave me flowers, affection and love. Then he gave me the greatest gift of all.” 

“Which was?” Jason asked, his tears still evident. 

[Name] smiled and looked down at John, “My beautiful son.”

Jason looked at her hand again and then to her, “How do I know you’ll stop me from falling?”

“Because I won’t let you go.” 

Jason held her hand and she pulled him into a soft embrace. She held him like a mother holds her own child. Then she pressed a kiss onto Jason’s forehead removing that terrible trauma suffocating him. 

“My little Jaybird,” [Name] whispered and Jason buried his head in the crook of her neck letting his tears fall

[sassycassie-s-writing]

Squeaky Window

By: SassyShoulderAngel319

Fandom/Character(s): DC, BatFam - Jason Todd/Red Hood

Rating: T/PG-13

Original Idea: @jason-redhood helped me out with this one!

Notes: (Masterlist)(By Character)(About Me) Another AU? You bet! So jason-redhood helped me with this one in much the same way @burkgolden helped inspire me for Batfang! (This one also ran away from me at 2,163 words)

@welovegroot @jason-todd-squad 

^^^^^

Jason hated the squeaky window in our bedroom, but I never allowed him to fix it. I loved that window. It was my signal that he made it home. That he survived another night on Gotham’s streets beating people up.

Screeeeek!

I jumped awake, sitting up. Jason was home! He made it one more night!

Turning, I saw him dragging his legs through the window, landing with a heavy thud on the floor. He was holding onto his neck, blood oozing between his fingers.

I threw the blankets off and ran to him. “Jason! What happened?” I demanded.

Before I could reach him, he held his other hand out towards me, palm flat. A stop gesture. “Don’t get any closer,” he said, voice strained.

“Jay, what’s wrong?” I asked, concerned.

“Babe, it’s not safe for you here,” he ground out. “You need to leave. Now. Go to your sister’s. Go to my brother’s. Just… get out. Go. Now.”

“But—”

“Princess, there’s no time. Please.” He refused to meet my eyes, still holding onto his bleeding neck. “Just go,” he pleaded, curling in on himself.

Ignoring the fact that I was in my pajamas, I threw on a pair of flip-flops, grabbed my phone and my bag, and ran out the door, calling my sister. “Daisy? I knew you’d be awake. Listen, Jason is having a… problem. Mind if I crash at your place for the rest of the night? Please?” I asked into my phone as I ducked down the stairwell. “No, no. It’s not marital problems. He just… he’s in a mood and I think some space would be good for him.” I sighed. “Yes, Daisy. I know it’s two-AM. I’ll just crash on the couch. And yes I’m still in my pajamas. What’s your point?”

I barely made it to the train before it pulled away from the station, heading for Uptown Gotham where my sister and her two dogs lived. I jumped on the train and looked around in anticipation. Why were the hairs on the back of my neck standing up? Sure Gotham After Dark™ was dangerous—but I’d grown up here and married a vigilante. I wasn’t scared of Gotham’s night life. I could handle myself.

So why was I so on-edge? What was making me so jittery?

The train ride took twenty minutes. The walk to my sister’s apartment another fifteen. My feet were aching in my flip-flops by the time I got there. Daisy opened the door, gave me a glare, and then opened it wider. She briefly hugged me before her dogs, two large gentle-giant King Shepards—Goliath and Titan—came running over for pets and attention.

I gave them both gentle scritches behind their ears before my sister threw a blanket at me. “Goodnight,” she said, retreating back to her room with Goliath and Titan on her heels.

“Night, Daisy,” I called after her. “Thank you! I’ll buy you breakfast in the morning!”

Her bedroom door shut.

I draped myself over her couch and covering myself with the blanket.

Rolling onto my side, I closed my eyes and tried to get back to sleep. I’d been too worked up on the train to even try to relax—

I sat bolt upright on the couch. There was that feeling again. That feeling like someone was watching me. The prickling sensation on the back of my neck and every survival instinct I had pinging alarms through my brain that something was wrong. What was the something? I didn’t know. But something was off.

I looked around Daisy’s apartment. Titan and Goliath were quiet… so nothing could be too serious. Those were the most intuitive dogs I’d ever seen. If they sensed one single bad vibe, they’d go wild. So their silence was reassuring.

Slowly, so as not to disturb Daisy and her dogs, I crept off the couch and over to the window. I lifted one of the blinds’ slats and peered out.

The lights of Gotham glittered. Skyscrapers with lights on. There was no such thing as total darkness in Gotham—except in the case of power outages. Which happened more often than you’d think, given the city was full of genius criminals capable of manufacturing EMPs.

Vzzt! Vzzt! My phone buzzed on the sofa. I snuck back to it.

Jason: Are you at Daisy’s?

Me: Yeah.

Jason: Glad you made it safe. I’ll explain everything tomorrow. I swear.

Me: You better. Goodnight. I love you.

Jason: Love you too.

After that, something about that bad feeling petered away. It was late and I was tired, so I managed to fall asleep fairly quickly after that. I was still worried about Jason, naturally, but my exhaustion outweighed it. Jason was a big boy. Whatever his problems were, I knew he was strong enough to handle it. And if he didn’t want me there while he did so, I’d trust his judgment. I could help him sort through things later—when he was ready for my help.

^^^^^

I woke with a jolt to a rough tongue scraping up my face. “Get off, Goliath,” I muttered, shoving at the 100+-pound King Shepard as gentle as possible while still being firm with him. I knew which one of Daisy’s dogs was licking me without even opening my eyes because Titan didn’t lick anyone but Daisy.

“G’morning!” Daisy called from about seven feet away in the kitchen. I grumbled in complaint.

“Since when are you a morning person?” I mumbled.

“Since you were kind enough to have breakfast delivered.”

I sat up. What? I thought. I didn’t have breakfast delivered. I hadn’t even thought to order it last night…

My phone slid into my hand. I glanced at it. On the screen was a notification from Jason. He’d sent me a text at six in the morning—three hours ago—with nothing but a wink emoji and three hearts.

Me: You had breakfast delivered to Daisy’s, didn’t you?

I got up and went to the kitchen, phone still in hand.

Vzzt! Vzzt!

Jason: Yup.

I chuckled and shook my head. Daisy didn’t notice—she was too busy cooing at her gigantic dogs.

“Hey, so, I gotta go into work in a few minutes. Mind locking up when you leave? I know you know where the spare key is hidden,” Daisy said.

“Sure,” I said. “This is gonna be fun—heading home visibly in my pajamas.”

“What? You look fine. You look like you’re in your husband’s T-shirt and a pair of shorts. With flip-flops. Which is a ridiculously casual look but it’s not obviously pajamas. You’re fine,” Daisy dismissed.

“I… am in my husband’s T-shirt and a pair of shorts,” I said.

“I know.” Daisy smirked smugly at me. “Okay. I’m gonna head out. Lock up when you leave.”

“Sure thing.”

My sister put her shoes on and ran out the door. Goliath and Titan whined at the door for a minute.

When that minute was up, they went silent—right as a hand knocked on the door.

The fact that the dogs didn’t bark concerned me. They were very protective of their home. So I crept to the door and peered through the peephole.

A familiar head of hair and profile was standing there.

I yanked the door open, moving to push Daisy’s dogs back long enough to let him in. But they didn’t move. Just stood behind me. Still as stones. “Jason!” I exclaimed quietly. “You’re here!” I smiled, but Jason was still refusing to meet my eyes. He rubbed at his neck—in the same spot he’d been injured earlier. “Jay?” I prompted.

“Babe…” he started. Then paused. Then sighed. “Babe… something’s wrong with me.”

“What?” I asked. “Is this about last night?”

“Yes.”

I opened the door wider as though to step out. “Okay then, let’s go home and talk ab—”

“No!” Jason exclaimed, holding his other hand out toward me in a stopping gesture, still not looking me in the eye. “Stay right there. You’re safe on the other side of the threshold.”

“Huh? Why?”

“Because it’s not your home so you can’t invite me in. So you’re safe.”

“Jason… honestly sweetie, what on Earth are you talking about?!”

For the first time since he slid through the window last night, he looked me in the eye.

I took an instinctive step back. The blue of his eyes was gone.

Replaced by a rich red.

“Babe, I’m a vampire,” he admitted. I stared.

“Jay… what happened?” I asked.

“A coven moved into Gotham. Batman didn’t like that they were trying to hurt people. He called an all hands on deck. I got in a fight with three of them. One of the suckers bit me. I blacked out. When I woke up, my neck was bleeding and I was… like this. I knew I had to get somewhere safe—and home is the only place safe enough for me right now. But I couldn’t put you in danger. I went through the window and you just… you smell so good. So I had to get you out. That’s why I told you to come here or to Dick’s or anywhere else. Because you’re safe as long as you’re in someone else’s home and can’t invite me in.”

I reached out to touch him but he backed away. I made a face of disappointment. “So what now?” I asked.

“Batman captured one of the vampires last night. Demanded to know what could be done about me. Apparently… if I don’t drink human blood within forty-eight hours, I’ll starve to death before the transition is complete. If I do drink human blood, I’ll cement the transformation and be a vampire forever.”

“And… is there a way to turn you back?”

“Batman asked. Apparently not. Vampirism is a physically-transmitted curse. There’s no cure,” Jason muttered.

I shook my head. “Well… I can’t lose you, darling. We’ve been through too much for you to starve to death now,” I said. I stepped closer to the threshold so my toes were right on the edge of it. Jason stiffened and took a step back.

“Babe, don’t,” he said. “I know what you’re thinking. If you offer me any of your blood, I will kill you. I don’t have control over… over any of this. The bloodlust. The hunger. I will drain you dry and not even mean to. Don’t even try it.”

“No you won’t,” I said confidently.

“How do you know that?” Jason demanded.

“Because you promised never to hurt me. And no matter what, you’ll always be strong enough to keep that promise. I know you, Jason. Your heart is so full of love underneath the body armor that you use to try and hide the fact that you feel emotions as deeply as you do. That’s one of the many reasons I fell in love with you. So don’t make me lose you now.” I pulled my hair off my neck to expose one side and drew the rest over my opposite shoulder. I reached out and took Jason’s hand. “Trust yourself,” I whispered. “Trust yourself in a way you haven’t since before your first death and rebirth.”

Jason sucked in a deep breath, his torso shaking slightly. His grip on my fingers tightened, his wedding ring digging into my skin.

He yanked me over the threshold.

Goliath yipped quietly, startled at the sudden movement. I managed to yank the door shut with my other hand so he and Titan wouldn’t escape. That’d be obnoxious.

It was after 9AM on a weekday and the front door to Daisy’s apartment spilled out onto an outdoor windway, not a hallway. Which made it easier for peepers to see what we were doing. Thankfully the Gotham sky was constantly overcast so Jason wouldn’t burn up in the sun. It made sense to me why a coven of vampires would move in to Gotham.

Jason’s arms circled around me the way they did whenever he kissed me, holding me close to his chest. He was so tall.

Slowly, he reached one hand up and tilted my head to the side, exposing my throat.

I looked up at him. His mouth was open and a tiny bit of saliva was gathering on the corner of his mouth. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and I watched as his canines elongated, revealing proper vampire fangs.

“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I trust you.”

His opened, meeting mine. “Thank you,” he breathed out. I smiled at him gently.

Opening his mouth wider, he sunk his fangs into my neck. My whole body tensed—but quickly relaxed as the pain numbed.

I let out a shuddering breath as spots of light and color danced over my vision.

“Baby? Baby! Stay with me! C’mon, princess. Stay with me!” Jason pleaded. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” I mumbled.

Everything went black.

[enchantedlokii]

Obstacles

Chapter Three: Safe

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: language, mentions of death

Characters: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Sam Wilson

Mentioned: Natasha Romanoff, Thanos, Sarah Rogers, Shuri

Steve stood his ground, clutching his broken shield. His body felt like it was on fire, but he knew that he couldn’t back down. Not now, when they had finally brought everyone back. Not when Natasha had given her life to give them a chance. He had to keep fighting.

“Steve!” Steve turned his head and saw Bucky coming closer. His hands were gripping a rifle and every now and then he would stop and shoot at something behind Steve. It reminded Steve of the war. “What the h*ll is going on?”

Steve started to speak when they were attacked by a group of Chitauri. The two fought side-by-side for longer than Steve could keep track of. But when he finally got a break, he looked around and wasn’t able to find Bucky. He tried not to let the panic set in as he searched for his friend. “Buck?!”

“Steve!” Steve’s eyes widened as he finally found Bucky. He was fighting Thanos. Alone. The Titan took advantage of his moment’s distraction and picked him up, a hand held tightly around his neck. “H-help!”

“Bucky!” Steve ran forward but Thanos held out a fist and twisted his arm, green light surrounding him. He found himself frozen. He was forced to watch helplessly as Thanos’ grip tightened. “No! You’re killing him! Bucky!”

“Steve! Steve, I’m here.” Steve’s eyes shot open and frantically searched for the sound of the voice. He was surprised to see Bucky kneeling beside him with wide eyes. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m here, Steve.”

“Buck?” he murmured, trying to steady his heavy breathing. He felt a hand on his chest, firm but gentle. His ears were ringing and his vision was blurry, but the touch was grounding.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Bucky said softly. Steve recognized the tone he was using. It was the same way he had spoken as he talked Steve through countless asthma attacks as they grew up. “Just breathe, Stevie. It was just a nightmare. I’m here. I’m safe. You’re safe. Just breathe for me, alright?”

Steve nodded slowly, focusing on breathing. As he came to more, he noticed the worry shining in the blue of Bucky’s eyes. He suddenly felt guilt wash over him. He knew that his friend was already having trouble sleeping. He was struggling mentally more than Steve was, but Steve must have woken him up screaming. Still, Bucky was by his side, rubbing his arm gently as he calmed down like he had done hundreds of times in the past. “I’m sorry,” he choked out.

“Shh,” Bucky hushed him, moving his metal hand from Steve’s chest and letting it brush the hair away from his face. “You have no reason to be sorry.”

“I woke you up,” he mumbled, closing his eyes. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning into the touch. It was comforting, reminding him that like Bucky said, they were safe. Thanos was gone. He was dead. He couldn’t hurt them anymore.

“I was still awake,” Bucky told him. Steve wasn’t sure if that was true, but he knew that it was likely. “You okay now? Feeling better?”

Steve nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he murmured. He did feel better with Bucky there by his side. He wasn’t sure he was okay, really, but he would be. As long as Bucky was safe, he was okay. He let his eyes drift close. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Bucky whispered. “I, um, I hope it’s okay I came in. I hated to barge in but you were so upset and I just— I couldn’t just not do anything, I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Steve said quietly, reaching to brush a strand of hair out of Bucky’s face. He smiled up at his friend. It was a bit wavy with the nightmare fresh in his mind, but it was genuine and he hoped Bucky could see that. “I’m glad you came.”

Bucky gave him a small smile. “I-I guess I should go now, if you’re sure you’re alright.”

Steve was frozen for a moment as Bucky started to scoot off the bed, but snapped out of it and touched his friend’s arm. Bucky looked at him with a worried expression. “Will. . . Will you stay?” He was afraid that Bucky might say no. He probably wasn’t ready to be in the same bed as Steve again. He might never be. But if he slept outside Steve’s door, Steve wondered if maybe he was just nervous. Maybe he wanted to be closer to Steve but was afraid to.

Steve’s worries faded when Bucky smiled softly. “Sure, Stevie.” Steve hadn’t noticed the returned nickname earlier, but he caught it now in his less-panicked state. “Let me go get a pillow.”

It didn’t take Bucky long to leave and return with a pillow, and Steve silently wondered if he had been laying outside his room again. He noticed that his friend was a bit hesitant as he climbed back into the bed and laid down, but he didn’t mention it. “It’s been awhile since we’ve done this,” Steve murmured as Bucky faced him.

“Yeah,” Bucky says quietly. Steve can hear the exhaustion in his voice. “You were smaller then. I was always afraid you would get sick from the cold. Even if I was right there with you.”

“Sometimes I wish I could undo it,” Steve admitted. “Not go back in time and never get the serum in the first place, but get rid of it now. I’m tired of fighting, Buck.”

“I am too,” Bucky sighed. He hesitantly reached and rested a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “But as stupid as I think you were for letting them do this to you, I’m grateful that you’re not so sick anymore. That was the hardest part about leaving for the war; knowing that you might not still be alive when I got back home. It. . . It really f*cking scared me sometimes. Especially after that last bout of pneumonia. I wanted to believe that you would be fine. That you could beat it again if it did happen. But it was so close. I was so close to losing you.”

“Oh, Buck. . .” Steve twisted his arm to put his hand over Bucky’s. He could see that his friend’s eyes were glistening. Bucky never cried, but Steve could faintly remember him sobbing at his bedside when he was in the hospital, begging him not to leave. He knew better than to mention it once he was better. “It’s okay now.”

“I know, I know,” Bucky closed his eyes. “Just. . . Please, if you ever have the chance to undo this. . .”

“I won’t,” Steve promised him. “I won’t.”

The two didn’t talk much after that. Steve was faintly aware of Bucky falling asleep not long after they fell silent. It took him a bit longer to fall into a fitful sleep. Again, he had nightmares. This time, about being sick as a child.

“Steve, Sweetie, you have to eat.” Sarah murmured. Steve was aware of a cool rag on his forehead, but he was burning up. He didn’t feel like he could move, let alone eat. “Please, Dear.”

“Is he going to be okay, Mrs. Rogers?” That was Bucky. He was on the other side of Steve’s bed. Steve thought he could feel his larger hand in Steve’s small one. Worry edged his young voice.

“I hope so, Jay,” Sarah sighed. “He’s never been this sick before.”

Steve woke with a start. He glanced over and saw that Bucky was still asleep beside him. He was glad that he hadn’t woke his friend, but part of him longed for the comfort that came with hearing him talk in such a soothing tone. He knew it was a selfish thought, but he didn’t try to push it away as he rolled over and grabbed his phone. It was past five now, so he wouldn’t be going back to sleep.

A few minutes after he started scrolling through his news feed, a text popped up at the top of the screen.

Sam 🦅 || 5:35 a.m.

Hey, Man. Up for a run in a couple hours? Barnes can come too.

Steve || 5:36 a.m.

You in Brooklyn?

Sam 🦅 || 5:38 a.m.

Thought I would try it out for awhile. Get a few months free rent with that Blip Recovery Program. Couldn’t pass that up.

Steve snickered at his friend. He knew good and well he could have stayed with Steve until he found a place, but he was glad to let the government take care of him for a bit. In Sam’s words, they owed him.

Steve || 5:39 a.m.

Nice. Buck’s still asleep but I’ll see if he wants to come. Want to meet up here?

Sam 🦅 || 5:40 a.m.

Sure. Ping me the address. 🤙🏿

“Turn your phone down,” Bucky mumbled beside him, turning over and raising an arm to cover his exposed ear. “Tryna sleep here.”

Steve smiled down at him, clicking the phone onto silent. “Sorry, Buck,” he whispered, moving a hand to his shoulder. “Go back to sleep. It’s early.”

Bucky hummed in reply. He stayed still for a bit before rolling back over. He reached an arm over Steve, causing him to blush. He wasn’t sure it was intentional. He probably did it in his sleep, but it made him feel warm.

Steve quietly returned his phone to the nightstand before shuffling closer to Bucky. Bucky’s eyes opened a bit and he seemed to glare at him. “You’re just as fidgety as you were when we were kids,” he mumbled, smiling sleepily. “What time is it?”

“Almost six,” Steve told him, smiling back. He had an urge to move a hand to his friend’s long hair, but he resisted it. Bucky didn’t want that. He was sure of it. “I’ll get up so you can go back to sleep.”

Bucky frowned slightly, his eyes opening a bit more. “Don’t go,” he pouted. For a moment, he looked like a kid again. There was a small spark on his eyes. One that Steve hadn’t seen in so long. “You’re warm.”

Steve chuckled slightly, shaking his head. “You’re such a child,” he teased. Still, he waited a few minutes before getting up to get ready. He would love to stay in bed with Bucky all morning, but he had to get ready before Sam got there. “Hey, I’m gonna go run with Sam in a bit. You can come if you want, but it’s fine if you want to stay home and sleep.”

Bucky opened his eyes again and raised an eyebrow. “Why you gonna run with bird boy?” he asked.

“Because he asked if I wanted to,” Steve replied. He had told Bucky they used to run together, but he was sure that his friend was a bit too tired to remember that at the moment. “He’s going to be here in an hour and then you can have some peace and quiet.”

“I wanna go,” Bucky protested. “Can’t let your go have fun without me.”

Steve smiled, glad that Bucky didn’t seem hesitant about hanging out with Sam. The first few times they met didn’t go too well, but they seemed to be okay now. He knew Sam was finally starting to trust Bucky after Shuri fixed the Hydra programming. He could see past the Winter Soldier now when he was reluctant to before. “Wouldn’t be fun without you.”

Bucky smirked before he rolled over to get out of bed. “I’m telling him you said that.”

[completelypeccable]

Unfortunately, I thought of a real plot

Can I Have This Dance? (new title)

          There’s drama in the Batfam, with a song about dancing somehow worked into each chapter.  Something is wrong again, and the family is falling apart.  Now, they have to put the pieces back together.  But the thing about puzzles is you can only figure out the full picture by coming together.

Chp. 2    We don’t have to dance

The phone was ringing.

Tim was awake, of course. The pale yellow dawn had begun to creep into the apartment, the cozy glow illuminating last night’s exploits. Twin controllers on the floor. Styrofoam takeout boxes that should be in the trash, not on his already messy table. And, his favorite part, his brothers snuggled together on his couch.

He had been perfectly happy to take the chair.

Tim looked at the caller ID. Bruce. His fingers found the power button, sending it to voicemail.

It was the first call since he carried Damian hyperventilating out of the gala seven hours earlier.

If he cares so much about where Damian is, Tim thought bitterly, let him figure it out. Use those big boy detective skills.

Tim turned back to his laptop screen, where he had been editing his report on the recent Teen Titan mission.  The past few weeks or so had been a blur. The team foiled a plot to blow up half of São Paulo, culminating in a chase by air which Tim, as a non-super, had probably no business participating in, but inserting himself where he had no business was pretty much his mode of operation. Then, with that finished and the criminals entering international custody, Tim had been planning on a night of video games and report writing when he got the call from Dick.

Tim glanced at the couch and realized he probably would never quite get used to this sight. He spent about an hour staring between the hours of 3 and 4 alone. Curse Dick and his bleeding heart, his was getting infected, too. It was just so cute.

Jason was lying on his back, one arm behind his head, the other hooked all the way around Damian’s little body. His eyebrows were knit together, so he looked concerned and vaguely grumpy- a sleep softened version of Red Hood’s ‘don’t even try it’ look. He was protecting precious cargo.

Damian had wiggled his face into the skin of Jason’s neck and chest, his mouth just open, face completely relaxed in the deep sleep of an exhausted child. An extended panic attack will do that to you, Tim thought. Jason’s hand rested on the skin of the pushed out belly peeking out of his t-shirt. The kid always seemed to gravitate towards skin-to-skin contact, as if he was finally going through the infant stages of emotional development. Which was entirely possible, considering they were the first people he was truly safe around. The thought twisted in Tim’s gut.  Convincing Damian the league’s actions were wrong was about as difficult as convincing him they would never be like them: slow going but definitely rewarding. Tim could barely believe there was a time he would have punted the kid out an open window if given the chance. He felt a bit guilty, but he knew they had both changed since then.

Damian was completely pressed up against Jason, but his feet barely reached his mid-thigh.  Even though Jason was a big guy, the size comparison was still nothing short of completely adorable, and Dick, Duke, and the girls had been sent multiple pictures already. The baby curls of his soft, short hair poofed up like they did every morning before he tried to gel them into spikes. One hand twisted into the front of Jason’s shirt.

The weighted Robin-themed blanket had fallen off the couch in the middle of the night, and Tim slipped it back up to his brothers’ shoulders gently on his way to the kitchen.

Coffee was the order of the morning. He’d make a pot: four cups for him, one for Jason. If he had to deal with Bruce, he wanted to do it with some semblance of control.

By the time he walked back into the room, Jason was awake, staring at the ceiling as he ran his hand up-down along Damian’s spine.

“Morning,” Tim whispered, sitting next to him in the chair.

“Nerd,” Jason scoffed, smirking.

He choked and spit out his coffee. “Dude!”

“What? You sound like an old man.”

“Why did I let you stay at my place, again?”

“It’s because you love me.”

“I’d love to hit you.”

Jason was entirely too satisfied. “Can’t hit me when I’m holding a baby.”

Tim scowled into his cup. He couldn’t argue, though. Last night, they realized they didn’t have any of Damian’s clothes at the apartment, so Jason gave him an old t-shirt and Tim got him a pair of boxers with ties around the waist. The t shirt alone went to his knees.

He was tiny.

The phone started buzzing again.

“Tell me it’s not-“

“I wish I could.” He declined the call.

Jason shifted up, swearing.

“Hey! Be-“

“He’s sound asleep,” he grumbled, arranging the kid so he was leaning against his chest, blanket curled around him. “Look at this sleepy burrito boy.”

They gazed softly as Damian sucked in a shaky breath, whined, and cuddled in further, gripping Jason’s shirt tighter.

The phone buzzed.

“Mother- Does he not get that we’re ignoring him?”

Tim hit decline call. “He will eventually.”

Damian’s feet twitched, and Jason held him just a bit tighter, one hand at the base of his neck, the other smoothing a circle into his back. His lips and brows ran in parallel lines across his worried face.

“I don’t think he’s going to wake up any time soon,” Tim said, noting the brood session.

Jason grumbled.

“I’m going to text the girls, tell them to postpone their plans.”

“Mm.”

“Let’s do the zoo trip tomorrow. It looks like Damian is wiped out.”

“Mm.”

“Take today to deal with Bruce.”

“Mm.”

“Give zombie boy here time to develop organized speech.”

“M- wait,” Jason broke out of his thousand yard stare. “What did you say you little crap stain?”

Tim cackled, but held the phone steady.

“Do not send that snap, Tim, I swear I’m gonna-“

“Can’t hit me when you’re holding the baby,” Tim sang, scooting backwards, already hitting the contacts for Steph and Cass.

Jason swore.

…

They laid around the apartment for a few more hours, Tim working on his laptop and Jason reading The Outsiders while Damian slept. Jason kept a shelf of old novels at Tim’s place; it wasn’t uncommon for one to spend the night at the other’s. They kept an eye on each other like that, knowing too much time alone tended to do more harm than good.

The silence itself wasn’t uncomfortable, but Tim could have used a distraction from his own thoughts.

This was a big deal. He and Jason were trying to downplay it, keep it together for the kid, but they knew.

They were essentially disowning their dad.

And it wasn’t like this was a sudden decision either, it had been something on the horizon for months, a serious topic of discussion among the older kids for three weeks now. These past few days may have forced their hand, but the hurt was still the same.

Bruce had never been the ideal parent. He was gruff, he usually didn’t have the words, and he literally had a t-shirt that said “Emotions are my enemy”. But he had loved them. At least, Tim hoped. He had made Bruce his life, let his business become his work, held his mission in his hands like a guiding light. He had been so lonely, left neglected in an old, empty house. Bruce got him out, introduced him to a world that never stopped expanding, and gave him access to the tools he needed to change it.

But lately, Bruce seemed… different. Tim thought when he brought him back, everything would be okay. Everything would be understandable and solid again. Tim had felt so sad and confused without his dad. His grief was overwhelming. But Bruce came back, and Tim was so glad, he was sure that would fix it.

Instead, he was even more confused. His dad was unrecognizable in and out of the cowl. Bruce yelled at him over everything, cut off communication and left. Batman… Batman hit him. Tim touched his jaw, trying to control his anxiety.

Dick had found something, videos deleted off the bat computer. He hadn’t recovered all of it, but what he found was evidence enough. Tim wasn’t the only one Batman was getting more violent with.

There were three videos. The Batman beating thugs within an inch of their life. Screaming at Robin. In one, right after throwing a man off the roof, Batman turned with his armed raised and Robin flinched so hard he fell over.

That was bad enough. But there was missing information, hours of footage gone. And that scared them even more. Tim couldn’t stop his mind from running through every single possibility. He could never shut it off.

A stomach growled, and Tim looked up to his brother trying to flip the page with his nose.

Finally, an external stimulus.

“If you’re hungry, Jason, I can get you something to eat.”

Jason scoffed, finding his nose a bit too large to be useful. “What do you have, pickles and mustard?”

“Ha, ha,” Tim closed his laptop. “You only get the mayonnaise now.”

“Good thing that wasn’t my stomach.”

Another gurgle, and Damian’s face scrunched up.

Tim paused on his way to the fridge and blinked for a minute, not sure if they should let him sleep or wake him up, but by the time he made a decision, the kid’s eyelashes fluttered apart on their own.

His green eyes crossed and uncrossed in narrow slits. When they focused, they found Jason’s chin, and he scrambled to sit up.

“Woah there, squirt,” Jason tugged him back down, going back to rubbing his back. Damian grumbled and frowned, but let his head fall back down.

“Just take a minute, remember where you are and all that fun stuff.”

Tim cleared some room to sit, moving aside paperwork on the table next to the couch.  

Damian’s face twisted for a beat before he pushed himself up again with a huff. Tim had to hand it to him for not immediately falling down.

“Alright, Todd. I remember now. Unhand me and I’ll return to Father’s soon.”

“Ha! Nope.” Jason sat up and yanked him onto his lap.

Damian scowled and threw his head back dramatically.

“Do not suffer me this injustice, Todd.”

Tim smirked. Damian was very clearly not yet awake, what with the slightly unfocused eyes and leaning into Jason’s chest. “Suffer”, he said.

“Sorry, baby bat. You’re not going back to the manor.”

That seemed to wake him up more. He jerked around to look at Jason’s nose, then his eyes.

“What?”

“You’re not going back to the manor.”

“Oh,” he said, a blank look on his face. “I am staying here today?”

“Mm.”

“Zombie boy.”

“Shut UP, Tim!”

Tim laughed. Damian still hadn’t gotten off Jason’s lap, hadn’t leaned away from the hand on his back.

“Is Father away again?” He asked instead, clearly confused. Tim would bet his last jar of peanut butter that Damian was still fuzzy on why exactly he woke up on Jason in this apartment.

“Something like that.”

“Father has left me home many times, Todd. Pennyworth is usually around, unless he is with Father.”

Jason didn’t react, but looked at Tim over the kid’s head.

“What do you mean by that?”

Damian fiddled with the blanket, pinching it up and poking it back down.

“It’s just that, he is busy. He’s home when he can be.”

Tim didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t like the sound of his voice, the hollow loneliness. He suddenly felt pissed.

“Damian,” Tim said evenly. “When was the last time you talked to Bruce.”

“Batman and I-“

Jason tapped his nose, and he crossed his eyes to follow it. “No, Damian. Just Bruce.”

Damian looked at one brother, then the other. They could see the way he was reaching back in his still foggy memory, trying to figure out the answer they wanted to hear.

“No bullshit, kid,” Jason warned.

Damian looked to the side, schooled his face into a blank expression, and looked Tim in the eyes.

“It has been a while. Father is often… upset with Robin.”

Jason rubbed his back again.

“Alright,” Tim said. He was going to kill Bruce. “You’re staying with me this week, anyways.”

“What?”

“You,” Tim shifted to poke Damian’s nose. His eyes crossed, and Jason grinned. “You are gonna stay with me.”

“For an entire week?”

“Yup.”

“And I am not going back to Father’s?”

“Nope.”

“I… do not have clothes.”

“I grabbed a bag when I visited yesterday.”

“You probably missed-“

“Alfred packed it.”

“Oh,” he blinked, glancing back and forth at them. “And Todd?”

“Does what he wants, thank you,” Jason tickled his side. Damian swatted at his face, falling off his lap. Tim caught him by the armpits and helped him back on the couch.

“Don’t make him hit his head.  I really don’t want to make an ER visit outside the mask.”

Jason rolled his eyes, then turned, trapping Damian with his legs.

“Get off me, you massive troll!”

“Just when I thought you loved me.”

“Careful, Jason, he’s hangry, remember?”

“I am not!” Damian’s stomach protested the statement, and he looked down betrayed.  

Laughing hard enough to rock forward, Tim hit his head on Jason’s knee.

“Now who needs an ER visit?”

“Ugh, you two are the worst.”

“We did not cause you to become an uncoordinated hyena.”

“Harsh words from a chipmunk.”

“Hey!”

“Children, please,” Jason smiled. “We have to feed the wildlife. It pisses off the government.”

Tim stared at Jason for a good long while.

“Okay, I’m not gonna… Who wants breakfast?”

Jason made to stand up, but fell back on Damian, who yelped before being squashed.

“Todd! What are you-“

“Damian,” he whined. “I am so hurt. You called this weirdo over here Timothy last night. Timothy!”

“What?!”

“And you only call me Todd.”

“Get off-“

“Not until you call me Jason!” He met Tim’s incredulous look and raised his eyebrows convincingly.

“Todd, I will stab your kidneys.”

“Will you call me Jason after?”

“Not likely.”

“Boo!”

Damian began to squirm, but Jason leaned more of his weight on him and he growled in frustration.

Tim sighed and dragged a hand down his face. “Jason, it’s too early for-“

“Shush.”

“No,” Damian grunted. “Listen to Timothy!”

Jason leaned his face directly into his field of vision. “Bruh.”

“No.”

“Jason”

“No.”

“Jay?”

“No.”

“Big Jay?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Come on, Dames,” he whined. “I wanna be your favorite.”

“That’s Richard,” he smirked.

Jason grinned at Tim, who started to back away waving his hands.

“Oh, no. I don’t want any part in this, whatever this is.”

The wicked look in Jason’s eye grew worse. He flipped off the kid, just to jab his fingers into his armpit.

Damian immediately began to thrash.

“No!” He kicked the man’s stomach. “Stop!”

“Call me Jason!”

“No,” he choked, “never!”

“I can do this all day, kid!”

Damian fell off the couch, and Jason trapped him between his knees on the floor. He would have hit him again if his arms weren’t trying to protect himself from the attack.

“You have,” he gasped, “no-“ a squeal. “Mercy!”

Jason laughed then. “All you gotta do is say my name!”

“Todd!”

“Nope,” Jason moved on to his belly.

“No!” He giggled, “Stop, I!”

Jason made a goofy face and tickled harder.

“Jason!” He gasped, belly laughing.“ Jason, I yield!”

Jason opened his legs, and he shot out, scrambling onto the arm of the couch.

Jason whooped and held up his arms in victory.

Damian glared at Tim.

“Traitor,” he grumbled.

Tim laughed and held up three spoons and a jar of peanut butter.

“If you losers are done, I have peanut butter and pretzels for breakfast.”

“It’s nearly noon.”

“And we are breaking the fast. Ergo breakfast.”

“Fine,” Damian flopped onto the cushions, hiding his smile. “I will extract my vengeance at a later time for this injustice.”

“Oh, Timmy, the chipmunk just chirped at me!”

“Aw, Jay Jay, he’s so cute!”

“I can kill you eight different ways with that spoon.”

“Do you want us to feed you? With the choo choo train?”

Jason caught the pillow before it hit his face.

“I can and will use lethal force, Todd!”

“Jason.”

“Jason Todd.”

“Baby steps,” he chuckled.

Tim smiled as he scooped his own portion of peanut butter. The sirens in his head were easier to ignore. He watched Jason wiggle his fingers menacingly, then take a pillow to the face

He plopped the bag of pretzels on the table, inserting himself between the two. “Eat your shut up peanut butter.”

Jason stuck out his tongue, but grabbed a spoon.

“And after this, we’re cleaning my apartment.”

Jason looked horrified.

Tim felt no remorse. “If you guys are going to be staying here, we need to clean it. I’ve barely been here the last two months, and I do not trust my own cleanliness.”

Damian raised his eyebrow, “If the pizza under your bed has gained sentience again, I am not touching it.”

“Eat,” Tim glared, “your shut up pretzels, veggie boy.”

“Gladly.”

…

Damian stood and joined his hands together behind his back in a fair imitation of Alfred, if Alfred wore a Gotham Knight’s muumuu.

“I shall put on music, so that the arduous task of tidying this hovel is mildly less gruesome.”

“If you think,” Jason closed one eye and pointed his spoon, “that I’m gonna let you put on a classical music playlist, you are crazier than a bag full of cats.”

“A bag of cats sounds quite enjoyable, actually.”

“Metaphor, Dames.”

“I am aware.”

“And it means?”

“… I am very crazy?”

Jason held up his hand, and Damian returned the high five.

“Alright, ladies. Cleaning time.” Tim stood and took the spoons on his way to the kitchen.

Jason made a show of selecting his playlist titled ‘I Wanna Commit A Crime’ (we’re vigilantes Tim, it’s in our job description). Apparently, emo rock music was the ideal cleaning soundtrack.

Tim laughed at Damian’s concerned frown over Jason’s head banging as he washed the dishes.

He was just finishing up when Jason came in, crossing his arms and leaning against the wall.

“If you have time to lean, you have time to clean,” he grinned.  

He turned around, planning on flicking water at him, but stopped at the serious look on Jason’s face.  

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you want a list?”

“Jason, don’t do this to me. I have anxiety.”

Jason shrugged, chewing on the inside of his lip.

“I just want to make sure you’re doing okay with all this.”

Tim really didn’t want to deal with this conversation yet.  He didn’t want to deal with any conversation.  

“I’m fine.”

Jason’s brows became a shelf again. He scuffed his foot.

“You keep doing the finger thing.”

“The finger thing.”

“You know,” Jason huffed.  “The thing you do when you twitch your fingers and start tapping out random- I don’t know how to use words, okay? English wasn’t my first language, you butt.  Just- You’re upset.”

Tim leaned against the sink.  “I mean, I think we all are.”

An ambulance passed by the window, and they watched the lights pass by several floors below.

“I’m glad you came by,” Tim finally said.  “You really helped Damian last night.”

Jason pushed off the wall and pulled him into a one armed hug.  “I came for you both, you know.”

Tim closed his eyes, leaning his head against his brother’s shoulder.  The buzz in his chest felt a little less overwhelming.

A car honked, and a thud came from the other room.  Muffled complaining followed. Jason laughed, ruffling Tim’s hair as he made his way to the door.  

No rest for the weary, Tim smiled and tied off the garbage. It was starting to really smell.

“Be right back!” He yelled as he stepped out the door, locking it behind him.

He did feel better, knowing that Jason was there. Once Dick came, they could really talk everything over, and Tim would relax then.  But he was content at the moment. He would just ignore it for now. He was content. It was fine. It was-

He sent the bag down the chute.

Actually, this whole situation was garbage.

Who did Bruce think he was? When did he ever become the type to hit his own kids? It was wrong, it was so wrong. Red Robin wanted to punch him in the face, especially when he heard him over the comms from countries away scolding Damian for things he told him to do.

And he didn’t care what was going to happen. He didn’t care if he got screamed at, or fired, or- or- he didn’t know! He didn’t care! Tim was not giving Damian back to anyone. Bruce didn’t deserve that kid. He was stubborn sometimes, and prickly, but he didn’t deserve to be treated like that.  He had been through more than any of them knew, and he needed someone that loved him unconditionally. Bruce wasn’t that. Bruce was acting like a huge jerk-

He slammed open the door to his floor to be confronted with a man’s back, hand raised to knock.

Speak of the damned devil.

“What do you want,” Tim spat.

Calm down.

He clenched his jaw, because as much as he wanted to fly off the handle, that would probably make things worse.

Bruce turned around slowly. He looked him up and down before putting his hands in his pockets. His smile was easy and so Brucie stupid.

Tim wanted to hit him back.

“You took Damian home last night.”

“Yep.”

“I came to take him home.”

“Yeah,” Tim glared. “No.”

Bruce quirked one brow. He let the silence hang for a beat.

His thumb tapped frantically against his fist. If he doesn’t leave, I am going to do something I’m gonna regret.

“You’re angry.”

“Great job, detective.”

“That’s… fair.”

Bruce shrugged, still smug and unaffected. Tim just glared. He didn’t want to do this.

“I’m-“

“You should go, Bruce.”

Surprise flashed briefly through his eyes before it was replaced by annoyance.

“Look, Tim, you know how Damian gets-“

“Kay.”

“I’m just here to-”

“Nope.”

An exhale.

“I’m just here to take him back home and talk to him.”

“Oh,” the cold in his tone hurt him as he spoke, but it was too late to stop. “Now you’re going to talk to your own kid?”

Bruce stared. Tim stepped forward, the picture of casual.

“Not last night. Not last week apparently. Maybe all month. You’ve been too busy to deal with your own kid, but you’re ready now.”

“Tim, I-“

“No, just shut up, actually. How long did it take you to realize he wasn’t even in the same building as you anymore? Did you even care?”

“Of course I-“

“Shut- Ugh! I’m not doing this for you, B. This wasn’t a babysitting job. I don’t care what you think. You’re not taking Damian back. Me and Dick and the rest of them talked it over. You don’t deserve that kid.”

The flip switched, and Bruce was angry.  His shirt pulled tight across his shoulders.

Tim widened his stance.

“And you do, of course.”

“I care about him more than you do.”

“I do care!”

“Could have fooled me!”

Bruce was tense from his shoulder to his fist.  Tim belatedly notice he had gotten in his face.

“You don’t-“

Tim threw up his hands and walked past. “Have to talk to you.”

“What? Listen-“

“I don’t have to talk to you. I’m keeping the kid, so-“

Bruce grabbed his shoulder hard, “Actually, Timothy, I have custody, so-“

Huh. Tim turned and smiled, cold and clinical. Just like Janet, they liked to say. Bruce looked unnerved for one satisfying moment and dropped his hand.

Tim stepped close, his nose inches from Bruce’s chin, devastatingly sharp.

“But you don’t, actually.”

“What the hell are you-”

“You supposedly died, remember?” Tim rolled his eyes. “Everyone thought so. Did you think we could just leave Damian in the custody of a dead man?”

“But I-“

“Came back, obviously. But we didn’t change the paperwork. Just in case.”

Bruce looked wonderfully, furiously constipated.

Tim turned his back on him and slowly pulled his keys from his pocket. “So, no, I don’t have to do this with you. You’ve changed, Bruce. And who you are now, you don’t belong raising a kid as emotionally fragile as Damian. I don’t have to pretend to be okay with it, and I don’t even have to like you. Because you have no right to be here.”

“I am his father, Tim.”

“And sometimes fathers are neglectful and abusive.”

The space behind him stayed silent.  Bruce didn’t even move. Tim flicked through the key ring.

“And as far as the state and the press is concerned, Damian is adopted. Showed up at age 10, clearly not white. You had adoption papers filed, Bruce.”

“Tim, you can’t be-“

“I am, and you should go.”

“Tim-“

“It’s been so nice to see you Bruce. Let’s not talk again soon.”

Bruce stood a moment longer before turning sharply and storming down the hall. The doors slammed shut, but Tim stood there gripping the keys and shaking. He wanted to scream.

He breathed in deeply through his nose, feeling the cool air travel into his nostrils, down his throat, past his vocal cords, trachea, bronchi, bronchioles, and down to his alveoli. Left lung, right lung, into the blood stream the oxygen diffuses. He thought of Jason tickling Damian, and the kid calling him Timothy as he held him against his chest. He breathed out the waste.

He looked down at his shaking hands, where his grip on the keys drew blood, and wiped them on his pants before turning the lock and opening the door to-

“Timothy!” Damian ran forward, “Timothy you love this song!”

Tim really looked at him, the way his hair stuck up in three different places, the dust streak on his cheek. His eyes danced just like they always did when he was trying so hard to make one of them happy. His hands were out to the side, and that grin. He really was Timothy now. Huh.

He was worth it.  This kid was worth it.

Jason danced out of the bathroom just as the chorus hit, singing loudly and mildly off key.

We don’t have to talk

We don’t have to dance

Damian grabbed his arm, dragging away from Jason.

We don’t have to smile

We don’t have to make friends

Jason chased them, sing-screaming along.

It’s so nice to meet you,

Let’s never meet again!

We don’t have to talk

We don’t have to dance!

We don’t have to dance

The song was at least an understandable statement, Tim thought. It was kind of a dance, or a stand off. He knew as soon as he took Dick’s side that he was cutting the last of the ties between him and the man who adopted him.

He was fatherless again.

He watched as Jason tried to get Damian to do the Macarena, only to get a towel to the butt.

He would make it through this.

Jason chased Damian around the kitchen, insisting he try the snorkel, the shopping cart, no the sprinkler!

Tim laughed, even knowing all that he did. That his nighttime gig would definitely change, that he would have to quit his day job.

It will be okay, he thought, when Damian rolled his eyes and tisked at Jason long enough for him to be swung over his shoulders as he jumped around the kitchen.

It might be better than okay, he thought as he opened up his laptop to hit send on one more application, which he had written as Damian slept.

Jason called for help, and Tim let the tension leave his body, exhaled it out in one breath, and joined them. He grabbed Damian from Jason’s arms and was spinning him around the living room by the next chorus.

[myriadimagines]

Professional

DC (Titans) One Shot

Pairing: Reader x Dick Grayson

Other Characters: —

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol consumption

Requester: —

Summary: Detective Dick Grayson is infamous for working alone. He’s turned down partner after partner, until you show up, refusing to let Dick push you to the sidelines. Your stubbornness makes an impression on him, and the two of you slowly manage to get close, and perhaps in more ways than one.

Word Count: 2,811

A/N: I’ve been dying to watch Titans but it wasn’t available on US Netflix and now I finally watched it and I am proud to announce that Dick Grayson has been added to my ever growing list of characters I am very much in love with, and I actually wrote a one shot I like.

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Your name: submit What is this?

He remembers meeting you for the first time. A young, smiling face, enthusiastic handshake and a fresh suit. Determined to make a difference, to save lives, as most rookies are when they first join. Admittedly, Dick wasn’t paying much attention to your introduction speech. It was all the same, anyway, and he had already glanced through your file the Captain had left on his desk during his lunch break a week ago. You told him the same basic facts he heard from each new partner the precinct tried to assign him, in hopes that one day he’d play nice instead of pushing everyone aside. A new name he’d never call upon, a transfer from Cleveland who was eager to work together, to make an impression.

He told you the same thing he told everyone else, told you that the both of you were better off doing your own thing. You were already prepared, already caught up on the office gossip between morning cups of watery coffee and flipping through piles of paperwork stacked up on desks. You didn’t need to talk to many people to quickly learn that Detective Grayson from Gotham, no less, insists on working alone and refuses to let the Captain assign him a partner. The city name rolled off the detectives’ tongues like an explanation, a reason for Dick’s coldness that everyone immediately understood. 

When Dick had finished his own little speech that he had by now memorized after turning away so many new partners, you laughed. It caught Dick off guard. You laughed. Smiled at him and shook your head as if he had just made an inside joke and instead of essentially telling you to go away. You looked up at him, levelling his gaze, tilting your head as you examined his bewildered expression.

Someone called your name. Dick didn’t remember who. Another detective, maybe the Captain, and you looked over your shoulder before turning back to him. 

“Nice try, Detective Grayson.” you winked at him, already starting to move away. You clapped your hands together, faking an expression of deep thought as you contemplated out loud, “Or can I call you Dick? Figured we could skip the formalities now that we’re partners.”

Dick tried to stammer out a response, tried to correct you, but you had already disappeared into another room, flashing him one last grin before the door shut. 

You had managed to leave Dick speechless, an act that you would later tease him about multiple times. Finally recovering from his shock, Dick shook his head, sitting down at his desk. Nice try. Your voice echoed in his head, your teasing intonation amusing him. Nice try.

He didn’t even notice the small smile that had crept onto his face.

—

You rub your fingers against your temple, letting out a frustrated groan before leaning back, your chair squeaking under the slight strain from your body. You crack your knuckles, fingers joints popping before you stand, leaning over stacks of paperwork to grab your mug and Dick’s from his desk opposite yours. He looks up from his computer, face illuminated by the bright screen and eyebrows furrowed in concentration as you raise his mug, asking, “Another? Looks like it’s going to be a long night.”

He nods at you, returning his focus to his computer as taps away at his keyboard, the loud clicking of the letter keys filling the silence of the empty office. You weave in between empty desks, making your way to the coffee machine in the corner of the room. You struggle to keep your eyes open as you line up the mug under the machine, almost automatically adjusting the settings to Dick’s coffee preference which you are now all too familiar with, a result of too many late nights in the office working together.

Perhaps Dick was trying to save you from a constant state of sleep deprivation when he insisted he didn’t need you as a partner on your first day.

Didn’t matter now, anyway, you got what you wanted. It took weeks of working away at him, chipping away at his tough exterior piece by piece, showing him he needs you more than he cares to admit. Dick describes it as you creeping up on him, sneaking your way into his life, and it was only until your absence did Dick realize how he has come to rely on you. When you called in sick last month, Dick had lost count of the times he had called out your name, expecting you to be by his side. When you had to go home for a family event a few weeks ago, Dick found himself scrambling for paperwork he had begun to rely on you for. Even today, when you came in late, Dick caught himself trying to hand a file to you, too busy reading another file to notice your empty chair, his hand hovering over your desk for almost a minute before he realized you weren’t there. 

It feels strange, for Dick, learning to trust again, learning to need someone. Dick didn’t like it at first, expecting it to all turn to shit, but he slowly learned to like it. Learned to like you. 

Dick is still trying to figure out what that means. 

Your finger hovers over the start button for the coffee machine when Dick stops you, rolling his chair back to catch a better glimpse of you as he calls out your name. You turn around, hand resting on the counter as he stands, grabbing his coat hanging over the back of his chair. “Let’s call it a night. We’ll finish up this case tomorrow.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Are you actually suggesting we take a break, Grayson? That’s unheard of.”

Dick ducks his head, hoping you don’t see his amused smile as he slips his coat on. “Don’t push it, y/n, you better go before I change my mind.”

You raise your hands in mock surrender as you leave the mugs in the sink, making your way back to your desk to grab your own jacket. Dick rocks back and forth on his heels, hands in his pockets as he patiently waits for you to stuff some leftover paperwork in your bag. Tilting your head towards the door, the two of you head out, and Dick feels a newfound awkwardness washing over him.

Especially when your arms brush once or twice as you walk side by side. 

He pushes the door open, holding it open for you as you trail behind him, and he glances around the poorly lit parking lot to see only his car spotlighted under the street lights. Frowning, he turns to you as he asks, “Where’s your car?”

“I took an Uber.” you respond, already on your phone to call your ride. Looking up at him, you explained, “My car wouldn’t start this morning.”

Dick doesn’t miss a beat. “I can give you a ride home.” 

“Oh.” your fingers hover over your phone, and Dick can tell from your widened eyes and parted lips that he’s caught you by surprise. He’s caught by surprise too, by how instinctively his offer left his lips. Quickly composing yourself, you wave your hand, shaking your head as you reply, “Ah, it’s okay. I was actually planning on stopping by the downtown bar for a drink.”

“What, and no invite?” Dick teases, and your lips quirk into a smile. He tries not to react when he sees you swiftly checking him out, gaze flickering down before back up to meet his eyes, and you tilt your head.

“Sorry, I just assumed you didn’t do anything other than work.” you exaggerate your apologetic tone, and Dick scoff at your playful condescendingness before pulling his car keys from his pocket, unlocking the car. The headlights blink on, and he gestures for you to follow as he walks over to his car. Before you open the passenger door, you remark, “I never would’ve guessed you had a fun side, Dick.”

Dick flashes you a faint smile you can’t quite decipher, a vague expression that you know is hiding something before he ducks into the driver seat. “There’s a lot of sides of me you don’t know, y/n.”

—

“The dude is crazy.” you declare loudly, your tipsy self evidently struggling to control your volume as your eyes remain glued to the tiny television screen above the bar, watching the news channel report on Robin’s latest attack. The grainy black and white footage that Dick had already seen earlier in the day plays again, and he suppresses any reaction to your comment on his vigilante alter ego. You’re at least three drinks in, maybe four, but you weren’t really keeping track. All you know is that you’ve had enough to make you tipsy, which doesn’t take a lot — you’re a lightweight, Dick is beginning to realize as he listens to you slur your words and gesture more grandly than usually. You think it’s embarrassing, yet there’s not much you can do to stop yourself, but Dick finds it endearing, the goofy smile on your face and your excessive chatter entertaining to witness. 

“He’s helping people.” Dick tries to defend himself, but not too much to raise suspicions. 

“Yeah, by hurting people.” you reply, turning to look at Dick. “It’s kind of insulting, how he obviously doesn’t trust the law, trust people like us, to deal with these guys.”

Dick smiles to himself, taking a sip from his drink to hide his expression. If only you knew.

“Okay, so,” you clear your throat, dramatically slamming your glass down on the bar counter before pointing an accusatory finger at Dick. You’re talking too much, you think, talking so much that you haven’t noticed that you and Dick have been sitting so close to each other for the past two hours that your knees have been brushing. Dick has noticed, however, and has been trying his best not to think too much about how close his hand is to your thigh when he rests his glass on his leg, leaning towards you as he listens to you talk. Dick has always preferred to be a listener in these types of situations, preferring to let others talk so he doesn’t have to talk about himself. He’s learning a whole host of new things about you, and this is the first time he’s hearing you actually talk about your life, hearing your opinions and getting to know you instead of picking up on tidbits of information here and there scattered throughout the work day — casual small talk over lunch breaks, minor details about weekend plans, an odd childhood fact once in a while when something in a case reminds you of a memory. Jabbing your finger into his chest, you continue, “This conversation has been too one-sided. I want to hear more about you.”

Dick scoffs loudly as you give him a pointed look, and he shakes his head as he finishes his own drink. Tracing his finger over the rim of the glass, he replies, “There’s not much to know about me.”

“Please,” you sniff, unconvinced as you flag down the bartender for another drink. “Everyone has a story, and I know you do. Haly’s Circus?”

Dick’s head snaps up, and you raise an eyebrow at him, an almost challenging look in your eyes. You’re playing with fire, prodding at the flames and daring it to lash out to burn you, but you’ve never been afraid of the heat. Dick knows that. It was one of the first things he learned about you on your first case together. But he’s not willing to play along. Not tonight, at least, as fixes his gaze on the divots and cracks in the countertop. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He feels your intense gaze on him, can see your narrowed eyes and your lips opening. After a pause, you close your mouth, and Dick is grateful for the fact that you’re sober enough to read the situation, to know that today isn’t the day to run into the fire. 

“Okay.” you push yourself off the barstool, away from him, as you snatch your jacket from the stool next to you. “Suit yourself.” 

Dick sighs as you gulp down your drink, fishing some folded bills out of your pocket before dropping it onto the bar. “y/n, hey, I-”

“No, Dick, it’s fine.” your words are curt, each syllable cutting and harsh as you hold up a hand to stop him. “You don’t let people in, that’s your thing. Joke’s on me for forgetting that.”

You storm out of the bar, head buzzing as you barely hear Dick calling out your name through the haze flooding into your brain. You know it’s the alcohol, but you know that’s not the only thing gushing through your bloodstream — there’s a newfound anger burning into your chest, a frustration that isn’t only directed at Dick, but at yourself. Perhaps it comes from embarrassment, embarrassment from actually believing there might something between the two of you, that perhaps there might be something more to your relationship that tentative colleagues.  

But, like you had told Dick, the joke was on you for indulging yourself in a little fantasy that was definitely more fiction than fact. It almost makes you laugh, the thought that the two of you were actually starting to become closer. 

Dick grabs your arm, his hand firm around your sleeve, and you turn around, spinning on your heel a little too forcefully as you lose balance, teetering over as you outstretch a hand to the nearby wall to balance yourself. Dick lunges to catch you, but loses balance himself as you suddenly grab his arm, and your back slams against the wall as Dick quickly sticks out his arm, propping a hand by your head, stopping his own body from crashing into yours. 

And suddenly, despite being cluelessly intoxicated for the past two hours, you suddenly become hyperaware of everything. 

You and Dick are slightly breathless as you look at each other, his body hovering over yours as he leans ever so slightly into you. Despite the cold air percolating through your coat that you were too frazzled to button up while you were storming out of the bar, Dick is so close to you that his body heat almost combats the winter breeze. Even with the dim, neon lights from the bar sign overhead, you can see the sporadic freckles dotted across his cheeks, the faint shadow of stubble above his upper lip, and his dimples that manage to show even with his imperceptible smile.

You suddenly grab his coat collar, pulling him to your height as you kiss him. Dick’s hand barely has time to leave the wall and caress your cheek when you suddenly pull away, the realization of your actions practically knocking the wind straight out of your lungs, and you splutter, “Oh, fuck, that… that was not professional, oh shit-”

Dick struggles to hold in his laughter as you become increasingly flustered, avoiding eye contact as Dick’s mouth opens despite having no words come out. His first thought is about is how you’re probably the only person on the planet that has managed to render him speechless, twice.

And his second thought, holy shit, did he imagine the kiss, or was it somehow real?

You try to save face as you nervously pipe up, “Well, don’t look so surprised.”

“I am surprised.” Dick replies, and you’re thankful you pulled away from the kiss before Dick could caress your face, otherwise you might’ve burned his hand with how hot your cheeks are heating up. 

“Come on, I think I’ve been pretty obvious.” you laugh, somewhat exasperated. Dick wasn’t the only one trying to figure out his feelings, and with each day you spent with him, it became harder and harder to deny your growing fondness towards Dick. Running a hand through your hair, you jab, “I thought you were supposed to be the best detective ever.”

The irritatingly attractive smirk that creeps onto his face makes you roll your eyes, and your anxiousness dissipates as all you can think about now is how annoying his smug expression is as he cocks an eyebrow. “You think I’m the best detective?”

“Shut up.” you snap, the collar of his coat still balled up in your fist as you give him a little shove before pulling him closer again, and Dick doesn’t hesitate to close the gap between your bodies, hands finding your waist and pulling you closer to him. He kisses you, taking in every detail — the curves of your body in his hands, the taste of leftover alcohol lingering on your mouth, and most importantly, your growing smile that he can feel against his own. 

tags: @gofandomsandotherstuff / @hauntedpocdreamer ↳ want to be added to the tag list?

[peppersjam]

My Top 10 Albums of 2019

2019 presented me with a handful of incredible events and memories (I turned 30, I got married, etc.), while also serving me a big challenge (my partner is temporarily living on the other side of the country). In a poetic world, these things would have a significant impact on the music that I listened to and loved, but no, not really. This year is pretty on the nose for me, music-wise. Oh, except that I got really into Taylor Swift in the second half of the year.

Before we hop into boring Steve's boring top 10 list, let's revisit the 2018 list. The only album on the list that I barely listened to in 2019 was Cardi's Invasion of Privacy. Everything else gets at least semi-regular spins, although I'd elevate Historian, boygenius, and Big Red Machine above these others.

My biggest disappointment this year was Charli XCX's CHARLI, which is a solid album, but it didn't grab me nearly as much as Pop 2 did a couple years ago. It hasn't stuck in my rotation.

Runners up:

Bon Iver - "i,i" (I love it when I listen to it, but for some reason I'm not often compelled to listen to it)

Ariana Grande - "thank u, next" (Staple of early 2019, but fell off)

Carly Rae Jepsen - "Dedicated" (Great, but I'd rather listen to E•MO•TION)

Taylor Swift - "Lover" (Some true standout tracks, like Lover and Paper Rings, but too many cloyboys and CRJ rip-offs)

Weyes Blood - "Titanic Rising" (I could see this growing on me over the years, like a Radiohead record)

And the pre-2019 albums that should've made my respective yearly lists:

Beyoncé - "4" (2011)

Beyoncé - "BEYONCE" (2013)

Big Thief - "Capacity" (2017)

Big Thief - "Masterpiece" (2016)

Perfume Genius - "No Shape" (2017)

Snail Mail - "Lush" (2018)

Taylor Swift - "Red" (2012)

10. Big Thief – U.F.O.F

Early in the year, I "discovered" Big Thief. I don't know how I missed them before. Specifically, the song "Masterpiece" got right up in my brain and has been hanging out there since. Then Big Thief gave us U.F.O.F. which was yet another great Big Thief album. See #3 below.

9. Andrew Bird – My Finest Work Yet

Look, I'll stop putting Andrew Bird records on my end-of-year lists when he stops making them.

Andrew Bird turned a corner with the release of Are You Serious where he basically acknowledged that he was now going to work with other people and write scrutable songs. It was a good album, but My Finest Work Yet refines this Andrew Bird 2.0 and delivers some of his... finest work yet ("Sisyphus," "Manifest," "Olympians"). While I still prefer earlier Andrew Bird (A Nervous Tic Motion into Fake Palindromes into Measuring Cups... my gosh, that's 10 incredible minutes of music), I understand why he's moved on to something else.

8. JPEGMAFIA – All My Heroes Are Cornballs

I've been in a rap rut. Kanye is putting out self-indulgent gospel albums. Chance and Drake are boring now. JAY Z is working with the NFL.

But the rut is mostly a lack of imagination on my part. There's a lot of rap out there that hasn't made it through my naive filter, and I want to seek more of it out in 2020. Case in point: JPEGMAFIA. He's weird, political, funny... all the things that the aforementioned rappers aren't (or at least, aren't anymore). All My Heroes Are Cornballs is the most hypnotic rap album I've listened to in years. The glitchy beats and effortless flow makes it impossible to turn off mid-album.

7. BROCKHAMPTON – Ginger

GINGER is a proper follow-up to the SATURATION trilogy. While Iridescence had some good tracks on it, the overall experience was jarring (not without reason, given what the group was going through with Ameer). GINGER reads (ok, plays) like an album in a way that the Saturations never did. While it may be spiritually linked to the Satursation, it's a complete departure sonically. Even though it's more constrained and less bombastic than their hits from that era, it feels much bigger and, ahem, More Important. That might not be to the taste of some of their fans, but I'm happy to have both versions of BROCKHAMPTON in my music library.

6. Lana Del Rey – Norman Fucking Rockwell!

Music publications couldn't get over the fact that on NFR!, Lana, yes LANA DEL REY, was wordsmithing at a high level. Is it that hard to believe that someone would become a better poet as they gained more life experiences, inching closer to the mystical 10,000 hours? Some of the praise may have gone a little overboard (and, frankly, seems rooted in a narrow, misogynistic view of Who Can Do Music Good™️™️™️), but I agree with the underlying principle of the praise: that this is a collection of well written and well performed songs. It has my favorite album closer of the year, "Hope Is a Dangerous Thing for a Woman Like Me to Have - but I Have It." I get chills just thinking about it.

5. Clairo – Immunity

I enjoyed my first listen.

On my second listen, I wondered if it was maybe too simple. I didn't listen again for several months.

But then, when I was working from Pittsburgh the week before Christmas, I listened again. And I couldn't stop listening. It's simpler music than many of the albums on this list, but it appeals to me for the same reason I had a fixation with Snail Mail's Lush this year: it's incredible that songs that sound so "simple" (and I truly do not mean simple in an insulting way) can still be different than anything we've heard before, and can still transfix us in new ways. Behold ye, the power of combinatorics!

4. Vampire Weekend – Father of the Bride

Channel Orange to Blonde was 4 years. There's nothing you can do to get your favorite artists to make music faster. There's some beauty in that... that if an artist is financially successful enough, they don't need to rush.

Modern Vampires of the City to Father of the Bride was 6 years (i.e., 20% of my lifetime). But at least there are no duds here, and "Harmony Hall" might sneak into my hypothetical favorite-songs-of-all-time pantheon.

3. Big Thief – Two Hands

Oh, but then a few months later, Big Thief gave us another album. They started working on it right after they finished U.F.O.F, which tracks based on every interview I've read with Adrianne Lenker. She talked about the insane touring and album release schedule they've been on in the past four years, but her point wasn't "I'm getting tired," but rather "let's see if I can do this forever." I saw them play at The Fillmore after they released Two Hands and I got the sense that Adrianne has to make and perform music. She was uncomfortable engaging in the standard nearly-identical pleasantries that artists share with the audience. She was shy. She was surprised to find that we were hanging on her every word and chord. It was relatable. She's the closest to a genius I've seen in an indie rock band in the last several years, although I'm sure she'd hate anyone calling her that.

That genius produced Two Hands, an affecting indie rock record that practically demands that you close your eyes because you need to experience it and only it.

2. Tyler, the Creator – IGOR

This year, I listened to IGOR over and over again. The hooks, verses, beats, and vibe are all infectious. Boring Steve says "hey, look, it's just a great album." I don't have a deeper thought about it. I eagerly await Tyler's next project.

1. Nilüfer Yanya – Miss Universe

This year, like 2009 a decade ago, was an exciting year to be an indie rock fan. Vampire Weekend and Bon Iver cemented their elder ("elder") statesperson statuses, Big Thief came into their own as a true force of nature, and acts like Clairo and Nilüfer made me extremely jazzed about the Ghost of Indie Future.

Nilüfer has a unique and delightful voice that punches through some really fun songwriting and arrangements. Like, what a dumb, awesome lyric:

Although I cannot tell if I'm paranoid

Or it's all in my head, it's all in my head

Miss Universe is her debut full-length album, and it's a lovable and off-kilter thesis statement for what I assume will be a lovable and off-kilter music career. I can better explain why some of the other albums on this list are great, but suffice it to say, the system rewards unique performances.

[adz]

hi here is my albums of the year list for 2019. i will also put it below under the break. happy nu year friends

ALBUMS I LOVED

Big Thief - U.F.O.F. & Two Hands This band has something so special. It's almost as enjoyable to hear Lenker, the primary songwriter, talk about her philosophy and her connection to her bandmates as it is to listen to their consistently wonderful and gently boundary-pushing music. I've combined these two albums into one list item because they're flip sides of the same coin: spirit and earth, ethereal and corporeal, unknown and known. If you've heard their earlier two albums, you might be put off a little: there aren't any smash hits like Masterpiece on here, nor any doomed ballads like Shark Smile. These albums are a little blurrier, shadows and gleaming bits of light floating past. At times the songs sound less like early Big Thief than they do Adrianne's solo releases: lyric focused, strange sprawling structures, a bit rougher around the edges. At these records' cores, though, the soul is the same true soul. On U.F.O.F., there are sadness-tinged love songs like Orange and an ode to a dead relationship or dead loved one, Terminal Paradise, recut from Adrienne's solo discography. On Two Hands, rollicking rockers like Forgotten Eyes and the titular track nestle up against the tender and painful Wolf and a live staple for the band, Not, a song that builds momentum and tumbles towards its conclusion like a meteor. Whether you're a devoted fan (and I don't know anyone who listens to Big Thief but doesn't consider themselves one) or a newcomer, it's worthwhile to spend some time close to these records. Let them, and they'll grow on you.

Kim Petras - TURN OFF THE LIGHT Easily the best collection of club pop songs this year began as a Halloween-themed mixtape, which I think gives it a willingness to experiment that I sometimes miss in Petras's more standard stuff. The hooks on tracks like There Will Be Blood, Close Your Eyes, and Tell Me It's a Nightmare are as good as anything in her discography, and the most adventurous moments, like the interlude o m e n and the German verse in In the Next Life, not only pay off but fuck harder than basically anything I've ever heard. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Dr. Luke was one of this record's producers. The fact that he gets a cut of every stream and sale is a terrible blemish on what would otherwise be a huge favorite of mine.

Sufjan Stevens & Timo Andres - The Decalogue A forceful, sometimes opaque album. Delicate and opinionated piano music for ballet. One moment of particular transcendent beauty: the track V.

Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising A 10/10, perfect, totally wonderful album. A ton of variety and not a single bad song. By turns upbeat, dreamy, contemplative, creepy, explosive. One of the most beautiful and evocative album covers of the year to boot.

Andrew Bird - My Finest Work Yet I appreciate Andrew Bird's esoteric trips and darkly introspective weirdness, so it surprised me how much I enjoyed this: a bouncy, ascerbic, and delightful return to form packed with ironic turns of phrase and endlessly engrossing little musical details. Bloodless is a legit political statement, a State of the Union address that is somehow equal parts ominous and encouraging. Sisyphus is freewheeling and also political, a common thread here. My favorite is Manifest, a disco-inflected ode to fossil fuels. You could blast it and joyfully sing along without ever realizing how apocalyptic it is.

Nivhek - After its own death / Walking in a spiral towards the house Moody, spacious, and minimalist. Lovely and meditative.

M83 - DSVII A world all of its own. Cinematic, strange, and cheesy. I really appreciate M83's willingness to do absolutely whatever they want when they could easily have made a career pandering to fans of Midnight City and selling songs to car companies. DSVII is spacious and upbeat, steeped in the memory of 70s space western epics. Flutes, pianos, and shimmering picked guitars float over crashing post-rock drums and synths ranging from contemplative sweeps (Mirage) and buzzing pads (Colonies) to swelling vox (Taifun Glory) and precise, retro little bleeps (Oh Yes You're There, Everyday). It's wonderful background music, and the choice tracks (Temple of Sorrow, Mirage, Hell Riders) are great fun and even occasionally thrilling. This album is easy to love.

Thom Yorke - Anima Detuned synths lying motionless in a cold desert fading in and out of life

Foxes in Fiction - Trillium Killer A swirling dream-pop masterpiece. I had the privilege of seeing Warren perform some of these songs earlier this year, and I felt totally transported, like I was physically present in the green holographic world of his back-stage projections. These songs are complex and really special, crafted with care and an ear highly attuned to odd harmonies and little additive details. I love the way stories and thoughts weave together across the album. The catchy, gently swelling music is a brilliant compliment for the lyrics, which are often dark and intense, blurring the political and personal on songs like Say Yes to Violence and Antibody. Aesthetically, this album is a delight, but there's so much depth beneath its glimmering surface. What a wonderful addition to Foxes in Fiction's powerful and lovely discography.

Xiu Xiu - Girl with Basket of Fruit Xiu Xiu always makes me smile. This album is dense and abrasive and very lyrics-forward. Jamie Stewart sounds fucking pissed and I love it. The beats are quick and unrelenting: samples of Haitian drummers led by musician Daniel Brevil. I also can't get over the fact that Angela Seo published her favorite and least favorite lyrics from each song. Jamie wrote this about the record's title, which references Caravaggio's painting Boy with a Basket of Fruit: "When this title is a boy it is fey and lovely. When it is a girl is worrisome and rife with danger. Male martyrs are almost always surrounded by nurses, their mothers, adoring angels and other loving disciples wrapping their crushed and holy bodies in strips of herb soaked cloth and weeping rapturously. Female martyrs are almost always depicted having their skin flayed, breasts branded or ripped off with tongs or being stabbed and they are always, always alone save for her murderers. There is never anyone by their sides celebrating their spiritual life, only fiendishly reveling in their torture of her. It is perilous to be a 'girl.'"

Bats - Alter Nature I was shocked to find out these guys have been around for 10 years. This sounds like an album by a young band, which I mean as a compliment: it's energetic and rough and a little uneven in parts in ways that I enjoy. The sound is either especially intense but poppy post-punk or kind of gentle hardcore. I think there's a lot of crossover potential between those two fan bases here. Their attitude is what I love more than anything else. I don't know how to describe it exactly. It feels like the band are willing to go to weird, sarcastic places and then quickly snap back to sincerity and brutality, often multiple times in one song. I'm not much of a hardcore fan, but I almost wish they'd spent a little more time with that sound: my favorite parts on this record are the heavier bits like the end of Current Affairs.

Olivia Neutron-John - Olivia Neutron-John This album sounds like if you trapped a musique concrete artist in a timeless hell with a couple drum machines and synths for a millenium and then poked a hole in the wall and recorded what came out. Really fun and uncomfortable. I do still think the best format to experience ONJ is in her like 20-minute rambling dance tracks, like 2017's Injury Train.

Liturgy - H.A.Q.Q. A lot of people really despise Liturgy, and if that's the case for you, this album probably won't change your mind, but for what it's worth, it's a little more accessible than their synth-horn-heavy black metal midi extravaganza of a previous album The Ark Work. H.A.Q.Q. does contain weird, tonally distinct interludes (the EXACO trio of tracks) between its transcendental metal pillars, but they're the rare interludes that go beyond merely cleansing the palette and setting the mood for whatever follows. EXACT III especially is a bright and emotionally complete unit. What we're really here for is the metal, though, and this album delivers like nothing Liturgy has released before. Composer/singer/guitarist Hendrix's melodies are unique and beautiful, the riffs and blastbeats are tight, and the stuttering glitches that break up dense passages are welcome even when they're really surprising. HAJJ, PASAQALIA, GOD OF LOVE, and HAQQ are all monster tracks, but the whole album is well worth your time. The lead single, GOD OF LOVE, is a great place to start. This is definitely, easily my favorite black metal album of all time, and probably my favorite metal album full stop.

Blood Orange - Angel's Pulse Dev Hynes' mixtape is by turns propulsive and relaxing, softspoken and hardheaded. It's brilliant and beautiful and although it's not too long, each song is given ample room to breathe. I wish other artists were as effective at utilizing guest artists (some tracks here have three guests, and Hynes is able to manage their time well enough that there's no feeling of bloatedness or a lack of cohesion). I love this album. It might be my favorite thing Hynes has ever done. Listen to: Take It Back, Berlin, Dark & Handsome

Toro y Moi - Outer Peace Chaz's album Boo Boo was one of my favorite albums of 2017, but because it wasn't chillwave enough or whatever, people didn't seem to give it a fair shake. That seems to be the case with Outer Peace, too: it's less of a single unit than Boo Boo and contains more danceable content, but it's a little too moody and eccentric to win over fans of Anything In Return, Chaz's basically perfect 2013 opus. (As a side note, his mixtape Soul Trash, which also came out this year, is good fun too.) Anyway, Outer Peace feels kind of like a more accessible extension of Boo Boo. Parts of it still feel like a deranged early-morning exercise program on college radio, which I like. Try some of the lighter stuff first: Fading, Ordinary Pleasure, and Freelance.

Opium Lord - Vore No genre has better subgenre descriptors than metal. This is a black sludge album, and that's pretty much all you need to know.

Mid-Air Thief - Crumbling Okay so this album technically came out in 2018, but it had a wide release this year on Topshelf Records with like four different wax colors, and also I only found out about it early this year, and I need to spread the word about one of the most delightful, fun, and beautiful albums I've ever heard. On Crumbling, organic strums and synthetic trills form a deeply engaging tapestry. I love every second of it. Combining sounds in this way totally qualifies as left-field experimental shit just because It Seems Like Nobody Else Is Doing It For Some Reason (except I guess Floating Points, see SOTY), but the music itself is actually really accessible. This is what pop music should sound like! We have the technology!! Please listen to this album. Dirt and Gameun Deut are my favorites at the moment, but you honestly can't go wrong.

Angel Olsen - All Mirrors Olsen's gotten grander. Her ballads are longer and involve strings and synthesizers and beat machines. The soul feels the same to me, though. Songs like the title track are powerful and emotive and showcase not just her vocal range but a new range of sonic experimentation that I think complements her songwriting really well. For those who aren't on board with the 7-minute ballads, there are also more lighthearted tracks like Too Easy and Spring. I knew that Chance reminded me of a specific song, but I couldn’t think of the name until I read something by a person named Grimelords about how it’s like her version of Sinatra's My Way. That’s exactly what it’s like.

Girl Band - The Talkies Shoulderblades is an ugly, mammoth, multi-part story. Brilliant genreless repetition like in album opener Prolix and at the end of Couch Combover. Amygdela sounds like if early Preoccupations was fronted by someone undergoing torture whilst also muttering at their withdrawal hallucinations. The vibe here is complex. It's a very consistent album, but the collection of sounds and attitudes is really unusual. Caveat is a great example: a simple beat and twitching synth line turns into a lumbering mess of distortion-and back again, whenever it decides to-at will.

0 Stars - Blowing on a Marshmallow in Perpetuity Timid singing, odd titles, and every-instrument-in-the-room textures on this album belie depth and a very warm heart. "even though my dog barked at a baby, i won't tell her 'no' cause that's just the way she deals with being scared and sometimes i get scared too, and it's bad enough without the shame when i mess things up and you don't come over, i go to the kitchen and eat leftovers just because i'm sad doesn't mean it is fair to depend on you when you're sad too"

(Sandy) Alex G - House of Sugar With Gretel—the best song of the year—as its lead single, House of Sugar set an impossibly high expectation. Although Gretel is certainly a high point on the album, there are many more: Hope is inconspicuous but beautiful, honest, and cathartic, SugarHouse is a devastating jam, and Southern Sky whirls comfortingly from a rose-tinted verse into a chorus supposedly inspired by a dream and tinged with sadness. All but one of these songs are under 4 minutes long, but they're packed with conflict between abstract and concrete lyrics, beauty and strangeness. It's Alex G, so don't be surprised by the unexpected and often outright weird electronic flourishes and transitions throughout the record, but if you can handle its irregularities, this is easily one of the most fresh-sounding and enjoyable albums of the year.

Emily Reo - Only You Can See It A bright, fun, and beautiful album full of bouyant vocals and strange twists and turns. Although I deeply love the poppy stuff here (like the anthemic single Strawberry), my faves are the slower, darker, vaguely occultish songs: Ghosting, Counterspell (a shimmering sequel to 2016's Spell, one of the best songs of the year), and In Theaters, which is one of those songs that builds and builds and then has the most satisfying payoff. It might be my favorite ending of any album this year. I hope you check this one out. Emily is the coolest and this album rocks.

Chromatics - Closer To Grey Of course this came out in October. Chromatics is the only band that is allowed to use canned vinyl hiss. The first song on this record is a Sound of Silence cover and it is amazing.

Mizmor - Cairn I try to approach new music without giving too much thought to the circumstances of its creation, but something about the idea of a mythical lone individual painstakingly crafting beautiful layered music appeals to me, whether it's Phil Elverum of Mt. Eerie, Sufjan Stevens, or this: Mizmor, some dude from Portland, OR making sick, dense black metal. Cairn is a slow, doomy, cinematic album, and maybe these qualities make it easier to notice the incredible attention to detail on individual riffs or little instrumental passages. My favorites were Cairn to God and The Narrowing Way

Laura Agnusdei - Laurisilva Lounge music from hell. Twin Peaks-y saxophone glides over squishy synthetic beats. Lungs Dance sounds like a block of jello having a nightmare. In all seriousness, this is an ingenious and very unique album and I enjoy it a lot. A lot of music I listened to this year attempted to merge organic and synthetic sound in a way that emphasises their similarities. Here, synthetic sounds and recognizable voices/samples/sax & flute riffs are juxtaposed, and the rift is never bridged. And it's weirdly comfortable. This is the most acidic of acid jazz. And honestly, I just really like how wet the synths sound.

~~~~~

SONGS I LOVED (singles for albums that i think outshone the album OR songs that were released not as part of an album OR just songs i heard and enjoyed. this will hopefully prevent me from including an album i don't actually love just because i really dug one song on it)

Arthur Russell - You Did It Yourself Iowa Dream is a great collection of Russell's more accessible unreleased work. You Did It Yourself in particular is such a perfectly weird, groovy almost-pop song, a reminder that Russell was as talented a writer of hooks as he was a mastermind of electroacoustic experimentation. To explore his other side, check out another of his posthumous releases from this year, Not Checking Up.

MGMT - In The Afternoon A gothic post-punk masterpiece that sort of follows from their excellent 2018 album Little Dark Age. This is MGMT's best era ever. My most-anticipated-2020 list is basically MGMT and Owen Pallett's Island. And probably one or two more Big Thief records.

Floating Points - Falaise Floating Points' 2019 album Crush consists mostly of Aphex-Twin-y glitch-beat tracks that occasionally push towards something really interesting and unique. It's a great album, but the organic instruments on opener Falaise set you up brilliantly for an organosynthetic payoff that never arrives.

Honey by Drugdealer/Weyes Blood okay, Lonely on the same album is fun, if a little silly. Lost In My Dream is also totally decent, and Fools is kind of a bop... actually, this whole album, while not totally my cup of tea, is great. If you like 70's-disco-inflected (like, Bee Gees) retro rock, sweet vocal harmonies and guitar licks, and a few indulgences (like saxophone), you'll totally dig this record. I'm gonna spend some more time with it. Honey fucks especially though imo

Everything All at Once - G Jones Something about this song just scratches an itch in my brain. The rest of this album is basically dubstep, and it all sandwiches this one beautiful little song. Better not to question life's gifts.

Perfume Genius - Eye in the Wall Sandunes & Landslands - Eleven Eleven James Blake - Barefoot In The Dark new grimes unfortunately Deafheaven - Black Brick

~~~~~

Honorable Mentions/stuff i like but other people would probably love

Kim Gordon - No Home Record An experimental (but comfortably modern) record by the 66-yr-old Gordon, best known as a multi-instrumentalist/vocalist in Sonic Youth, a band I occasionally appreciate but can't say I love. Parts of No Home Record are noise rock-y, like Murdered Out, and others totally defy comprehension: Paprika Pony seems to have the most buzz surrounding it, which makes sense since it features both a kalimba and a trap beat. Really not a resting-on-laurels type of album. I wish more iconic older musicians made shit like this.

Pharmakon - Devour The rare album that makes me forget about my tinnitus. A dense cloud of distortion and sharply biting microscopic needle creatures that settle around your shoulders and block out all light. Fucking awesome. Listen if you enjoy oppressive painfully pulsing sound textures of industrial noise blanketing completely incoherent screaming.

clipping. - There Existed an Addiction to Blood This is a tough one for me because there are things about this album I can't stand, but many more things I absolutely love. The inventiveness of the production on Run for Your Life, Daveed's absurdly skilled delivery on Blood of the Fang, the harsh noise and musique concrete combining delightfully with rap on songs like La Mala Ordina; all of this is extremely exciting. I really love the last track Piano Burning, an 18-minute recording of, yes, a piano burning. The thing is, clipping.'s lyrical content is more or less the same here as on 2013's Midcity mixtape. It's ultra-violent, filled with graphic descriptions of gang violence and torture, which is fine, but just not something I'm that interested in listening to more than once or twice. They've branched out elsewhere (on their previous album, Splendor & Misery, and on the recent EP The Deep), but to me, it's unfortunate that this super cool and thoughtful album is lyrically (at least, on the surface) just a collection of descriptions of people being murdered. I don't really have any interest in reading more into it than that, because I regret pretty much every time I try to pay close attention, either because it's gross and boring or because it's embarrassing (The Show, for example). I want to emphasize that as horrorcore goes, the writing here is mostly very good. The rhyme patterns like at the beginning of Story 7 are genius. It's just not for me, I guess. I'm gonna keep listening to a few songs, though: Nothing is Safe, La Mala Ordina, Run for Your Life, and Blood of the Fang are excellent.

Field Whispers - Fire-Toolz The Warm-Body is a great song. Hyphen- (and parenthesis-) heavy vapor/pc music/new age/ambient jazzy synth stuff. really nice.

Caroline Polachek - Pang every r/indieheads dude: i like slide guitar now probably the best vocal performance of any album I heard this year, Polachek is just ludicrously good. listen to Insomnia

Danny Brown - uknowhatimsayin¿ When most artists release an album of outsized acclaim, you can with some certainty expect them to mimic its acclaimed qualities later on in an attempt to reach the same level of success. Danny Brown is not most artists, though, and no one who knows him would count on a retreading of the ground covered in Atrocity Exhibition, Danny's nearly perfect 2016 album. uknowhatimsayin¿ is more lighthearted and, I think, a little less ambitious (it's 13 minutes shorter, with more consistent track lengths; there's no "Really Doe"), but not to its detriment. The features are less head-turning than AE (up-and-comers JPEGMAFIA and Obongjayer, the understated genius Blood Orange, and Run the Jewels, the most overrated act in hip hop), but they all fit in neatly. Tracks like Belly of The Beast and Negro Spiritual prove Danny could still rap over a washing machine or musique concrete or fucking whatever. The lyrics are less dense, the beats less experimental and strange, but the lighter energy is kind of nice. Atrocity Exhibition could've lost three or four tracks, but this album feels juuuust right.

HTRK - Over the Rainbow Soft, ambient, moody. Reminds me of William Basinski's Watermusic II, but this album is less repetitive and a little less weird. It's background music for people who hate background music. It's delightful and ignorable. Very nice.

Blarf - Cease & Desist Shockingly decent plunderphonics/noise album from Eric Andre, who it must be pointed out attended one of the most prestigious music colleges in the world.

Ryan Lott - Pentaptych Beautiful, prickly modernist string compositions.

Cereal Killer - The Beginning & End of Cereal Killer Empath - Active Listening: Night on Earth Ithaca - The Language of Injury Mannequin Pussy - Patience Swan's Chamber - Swan's Chamber Avey Tare - Cows on Hourglass Pond Men I Trust - Oncle Jazz Charli XCX - Charli Black Midi - Schlagenheim Michael Kiwanuka - Kiwanuka Methyl Ethyl - Triage Bill Callahan - Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center Twin Peaks - Lookout Low Holly Herndon - Proto Laurel Halo - DJ-Kicks Earl Sweatshirt - Feet of Clay Nihiloxica - Biiri Wet Fruit - Wet Fruit

Best mix: Night Bus 4: Memory of Night Bus by CFCF When Hyperballad hits, you will understand. http://www.gorillavsbear.net/cfcf-drops-night-bus-4-memory-of-night-bus

Best album name:

Gross Net - Gross Net Means Gross Net.

Answers my foremost question immediately.~~~~~

A halfhearted AOTD list, in order this time

1-The Age of Adz

2-Heartland

3-Entrañas

4-The Money Store

5-Channel Orange

6-Planetarium

7-Ontario Gothic

8-Konoyo+Anoyo (this is cheating but whatever)

9-Carrie & Lowell + Greatest Gift (also cheating idc)

10-My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

thanks for reading. the world is abundant.

[cnc-hoebayb]

Hi bby! First off I just spent like an hour reading your blog because you're so damn good :) this is for the besos x my favourite type of weather is when it's warm but cloudy. Kinda humid but not too much. I love singing, acting and writing. Also, just anything involving music haha. You can do this with any boy I really don't mind. I'm also in an electric wheelchair so I'd be so grateful if you could tailor it around that. It's ok if you can't though :) ty so much!!

Omg i can’t believe u read through my blog like that pls lemme luv yoU

This is like a sloppy sleepy night with Joelito that just has a lot of twists n turns but also super fun n cute ~

“So you think you’re better than me?” Joel would sass as those sacred words rush out of your mouth instinctively.

“I bet I’m a better actor than you.” You’d say it again with more intention, adding a “prove me wrong” in there this time to get him going even more. He’d gasp dramatically, falling onto your guys’ bed as if he just died from the thought alone.

“Just kidding i think that was dramatic enough to out act me, you drama queen.” He sits up from the bed and laughs with a pushing “HA” and walks up to you with a sudden change of character. It kinda scares you at first, his eyes look sad, hurt almost, watering a little in the corners.

“Joel...” you’d say scared as he comes up and sits on his knees right at the edge of your chair and looking dead at you. He grabs your hands tightly in his and his curls fall over his eyes sloppily.

“Promise me you’ll never let go, Rose.” The words come out his mouth and the anxiety relieves. “Pendejo!!” You push him off you and watch him plop to the floor.

“I thought something was actually wrong, not that you were gonna start quoting the Titanic.” You spin around to face your back at him, arms crossing over your chest stubbornly. He laughs and you feel defeated. “Now who’s the better actor?! Huh!!” He screams and comes up to push you around to face him again.

You smile although you wanted to fight him for beating you in this fight. He uses the sides of your chair to boost himself up to hover over you, his bright toothy smile making your heart feel so many different emotions. He leans in and lifts your chin up to him, pressing a sweet beso on your lips.

“What was that for?” You say as he pulls away. “Felt bad for just destroying your acting career, had to make it up somehow.” You hit him again playfully and he plays dead on the floor. Typical.

The rest of the night youd keep goin back and forth, having improv acting battles of your favorite movies, plays, anything that came to mind. Just being dumb and doing what you like together, not caring about how stupid or annoying you might look.

Time would pass and the more chaotic the acting would become, the sleepier you got. Soon you were both reciting your favorite song lyrics instead, laying closely together in bed, the lights already off before you knew it.

He’d lay his head on your chest as you both stare blankly at the dark wall above you, singing quiet off tune melodies as they come to mind. You play with his curls as his singing fades down and you can tell he’s spiraling into sleep mode. He shifts his position so he’s cuddled right up on the side instead of on top of you.

He looks at you and he’s so perfect in this moment- even all sleepy headed and crashing down from his energy high earlier. It’s the moon that comes in from your cracked windows. It reflects that deep blue over his sweet tanned skin. The warm humid air that lurks into your room leaving a sheen glow over his features.

He looks at you, heavy tired eyes, and a little smile. You smile back bc you always knew what that cheeky grin meant. He’d lean in slowly, never one to be too ravenous at times like this. His lips would sync perfectly to yours, taking their time to express the most through such a little gesture.

The moment your mouths separate he captures his bottom lip between his teeth, letting it slide as his sleepy smile grows and his eyes shut slowly. You lick your lips to taste him one more time and watch him fall asleep gently next to you. Your heart is full and you drift off feeling so immensely loved.

[rivaltierno]

Power Failure [Chapter 1]

A mishap during a fight with Katarou results in the team getting their powers swapped. Now, in an attempt to get their proper powers back, they have to get Katarou to cooperate with them, all while dealing with new abilities they don’t know how to use - and two teammates currently out of commission due to that. A retelling of Teen Titans Go! Issue #24 with Honorary Titans. 

Written for Honorary Titan Fan Week 2020, Day 4: “With the Honoraries”

Word Count: 1,560

It didn’t seem like that serious of a fight. Katarou came up to the newly-formed team after a press conference and demanded they fight him. None of them had heard of him, but Titans East had told them stories of civilians not trusting them to be “real Titans” at first and wanting to see “proof” of their skills, so the team agreed that must be what the man wanted. 

With the rest of their team ushering away any remaining civilians, Herald held out a hand towards Katarou. “What kind of fight are you hopin’ for?”

Katarou clutched onto their hand, not even shaking it. “Three turns. You may strike first.”

Herald pulled away, unnerved by his actions. They briefly considered turning down his offer, but decided against it. They had a feeling he would fight him anyway, or worse, take his rage out on another civilian. “Right.”

Fortunately enough, the press conference had taken place at the local park, so they had enough empty space to battle in. It even gave the rest of the team a place to sit down and watch the fun.

“Make your move, Titan!” Kataoru taunted, opposite of the group. “I’m waiting.”

As much as they wanted to, Herald knew they couldn't just kick him in the face and be done with it - superheroes don’t beat up civilians. So they decided to just knock him off his feet instead.

They darted forward, and then dropped down and swung their legs towards Kataoru’s ankles.

Kataoru jumped over their attack, and grinned as he watched them go immediately into another spin to try again. Too easy. His reflexes were faster, and with just one hand, he grabbed their ankle to stop them in their tracks.

Before Herald could fully realize what was happening, they had been hoisted into the air upright, like a twisted cheerleading routine. Unable to break free from Kataoru’s grip, they instead focused their energy on staying balanced as possible, knowing that something would break if their body went one way and their leg the other. 

Kataoru kept grinning. “My turn.” He clamped his other hand on Herald’s ankle and began spinning them around. It was much smaller circle than Herald had been in earlier, just to increase the likelihood of giving them whiplash.

Their teammates decided to get involved at that point. While the other four stayed behind to come up with a plan, Gnarrk dashed towards the fight, planning to free Herald from Kataoru’s grasp.

Unfortunately for him, Kataoru was faster. He flung Herald towards him, and laughed when Gnarrk, clearly not prepared to catch them, was unable to bear the momentum and was also flung back a few feet.

This caused Kole to abandon the group discussion and rush over to see if the two of them were hurt. She was relieved to see that Gnarrk barely had any scratches, and Herald could sit up with minimal dizziness. She still had to help them fully get up, though. 

“Clearly a direct attack isn’t going to work,” Jinx hissed, internally berating herself for not taking the fight more seriously in the first place. “But-”

“I’m waiting for your next move!” Kataoru began taunting again. “Unless you want to admit defeat.” “But,” she started again, “I wonder if he can hit someone that isn't directly in front of him. I’m going to attack from behind while you two distract him. Just, don’t run up and punch him.” With that, Jinx went off, not sticking around to see if either of her remaining teammates had disagreements. 

Jericho did have disagreements, however, for je had the same plan as Jinx. Je wasn’t going to stick around and be a distraction, but did sign jems plan to Hot Spot before also running off, albeit in the opposite direction. “I’m sneaking up on him. Good luck.”

This left Hot Spot to be the one to distract Kataoru. He grumbled slightly, but still marched forward to the man. He supposed he should have expected this to happen, given that he and Jinx were the only ones on the team that didn’t need to be up-close-and-personal to fight. 

“Your teammates ran like cowards,” Kataoru sneered. “You think you alone can defeat me?”

“Depends if you have other tricks up your sleeve,” Hot Spot replied. “You’ll find that you can’t throw me around.” He began to form a small fireball - easier to aim than full fire blasts, and could be dragged out for however long it took his teammates to enact their plans. He hoped it would be soon, whoever it was.

Kataoru wasn’t a patient man, and did not appreicate Hot Spot taking his time to take his turn. “If you insist on standing there, then I will take my turn first. Be prepared.” He jumped into the air and landed back down in the same spot, the ground shaking on impact. Part of it cracked underneath him, and he placed a foot on one particular crack.

Hot Spot stumbled slightly, but easily balanced himself again, the fire ball he was creating not affected in the slightest. Out of the side of his eye, he could see Jinx nearby, ready to strike. A smug look spread across his face. “Is that all you got?”

“Nope.” Kataoru stomped down on the crack, and a large chunk of earth flew upwards, accompanied by a shriek. 

Jinx’s hexes went flying as she was thrown into the air. The first few crashed in front of her, so when she landed back on the ground, she fell into a dust ball. She coughed and began trying to get dirt out of her eyes.

The rest of her hexes hit Hot Spot. The magic made him recoil back, his fire ball flying out to the side. 

Jericho had snuck up on the fight just in time to narrowly avoid a fire ball scorching jem. Je twirled on jems heels, only to bump into Kataoru while doing so. In the first lucky moment of the fight, it seemed that he was content to just laugh at jem, giving jem the opportunity to keeping going past him towards Jinx.

“Friendly fire,” Kataoru continued laughing. “A waste of a turn.” He then turned and ran towards one of the hills in the park. He wanted to see all six of his opponents at once for is next move, and being above them would do the trick.

“Hey!” Hot Spot shouted, running after him. “Get back here!” It didn’t take long for him to catch up, but it did bother him that he now had to look up to see the man. “Hiding up there, huh? Who’s the coward now, Kataoru?”

Kataoru didn’t respond verbally, and instead simply pulled out the necklace from under his shirt. He held it up so it gleamed in the sunlight, in hopes of showing off just how powerful of a tool it was. And lucky for him, he was showing it to the one Titan on the team who actually knew what it was.

Hot Spot instinctively took a step back from it. “How did you...?”

“How did he what?” Jinx asked as she and Jericho came up behind him.

“That necklace,” he responded, more concerned with warning his teammates than replying, “It can trap people inside of it and steal their powers. That must be why-”

“I’m so powerful?” Kataoru finished, his menacing grin returning to his face. “And with all of your powers, I’ll be even stronger. I was hoping you all would be more impressive, but power is power. Now if the rest of your little group would arrive...”

“Hold on, Kataoru!” Kole shouted, she and Herald finally rejoining the team. Gnarrk was not with them. “We still have our final turn!”

With that statement, Herald opened up a portal above Kataoru’s head. And then nothing else happened.

The rest of the team first eyed the empty portal, then nervously looked over at Herald and Kole, wondering what they had been planning this entire time.

Kataoru, for his part, again laughed at them. “Now that your little performance is over, I’ll take my final turn.” He lifted the necklace even higher into the air, and his lips began to move.

Nobody could hear what he was saying, because it was drowned out by Gnarrk dropping out of the portal, screaming the whole way down.

Gnarrk grabbed onto Kataoru and pulled him down the hill, away from the rest of the Titans, not realizing that the necklace slipped out of his hand. However, he did realize that the man was significantly weaker once he hit the ground, easily crumpling under Gnarrk’s metahuman strength. 

“My necklace...!” Kataoru choked out. There was no way he could win a fight, now. But that wasn’t his only plan. “You’ll want to check on your friends, caveman.” His sneer was less prominent with a hand pressing on his chest, but it was still there. “Who knows what happened to them since you interrupted my chant?”

Gnarrk snarled and swiftly punched him across the face, knocking him out. He watched him for a second to make sure he didn't move, then looked over to the hill separating him and the rest of his team. Anxiety washed over him as he started climbing it, not knowing what he was going to see on the other side.