#and i have a lot of that personality in me as well tbh

[bitchfitch]

My mother's bf had a fairly major surgery (he's fine and recovering well DW) and he's going to be housebound for his birthday this year, so I've been enlisted to come up with a fancy birthday meal for the special birthday boy that's primarily fruit and veg, sweeter than savory, and is something he's never had before.

Bc I'm making watermelington. It's beef Wellington, but watermelon. bc my mom only found out recently you can use watermelon as a tuna substitute. And I know that you can substitute most higher quality beef cuts with tuna or salmon.... usually. Anyways the idea fascinates her so I'm hoping to use that for bonus points.

Now he's off his ass on pain killers so I can't like. Ask him if he's ever had something before. so to meet my brief I've decided to just. commit a novel hate crime against the British I guess.

Anyways. I'm writing this because I need to walk myself through this process and think it'll be surreal enough to be worth taking y'all along for.

So, Beef Wellington. In its most basic bitch arrangement is a beef tenderloin wrapped in prosciutto/really thin bacon, with a layer of mushroom and onion mush, that has been further wrapped in mustard slathered puff pastry.

We will be ship of Theseusing this. bc beef Wellington is like. the opposite of what he wants. Which is why it's funny.

Puff pastry-> it's still just puff pastry

this one doesn't have to change (aka I can't be fucked to do pastry prep and I'm just gonna use store bought it's Fine.)

the prosciutto is also just going to be prosciutto.

Thin meat

Beef tenderloin-> watermelon,

Tbh this is a pretty 1 to 1 substitution. I'll bake the slices at like. 250-300 for an hour or so ahead of the rest of prep to dry it out a bit. bc you can't like. Sear watermelon to seal in the water like you can beef. By definition it's a very wet fruit (like me when I fall into the lake). Ill Add salt and chili and lime juice while baking maybe. this is the easy part

The mushroom mush-> salsa done bad style

As the word mush implies, this is meant to be a very soft mix. It adds a lot of nuttiness to the wellington that rounds out all of the salt from the meats. I'm replacing it with white person salsa(the birthday boy can't handle spice). Tomato, lime juice, parsley, avocado, cucumber, feta, and maybe mango so I can have an excuse to have a lil mango treat. I said I wasn't making it spicy. I'm still putting a bit of chili in it. bc it'll be better like that. This is also a ridiculously wet bit of mush, Even the original mushrooms have too much water. I'll figure something out.

Mustard -> jelly

He lives in a big city. those preserve sections are massive. I'll find a weird one. maybe apricot.

Prep:

We're in the mind palace kitchen, I have not attempted any of this. We're just thinking real hard about it and I'll edit as needed on the day and post results.

The watermelon

Preheat oven to eh. 300f? We want low and slow to dry things out without it taking a year. but idk what his oven is like. If it's gentle I'll bump it up another ten-twenty.

Slather some watermelon slices in salt chili powder and lime juice mixture.

bake for 30 min on a wire rack or directly on the oven racks (after cleaning thoroughly) if he doesn't have a wire rack. with a drip try underneath to catch the drippage. check frequently. Have one slice that's for being poked to see if it's approaching being meat. Bake longer if needed.

Salsa bad style

chop everything up and add it to a pan with some oil in it. Tbh I don't think the type of oil you use for cooking matters if you're not like, getting near any smoke points. Most people can't tell the difference unless you made your food bland as hell.

Anyways there's some wildly different moisture contents on the list so there has to be an Order to cook off as much water as possible without getting yucky.

Tomatoes and cucumbers go in together with some salt to get the cucs softening, then the mango chunks and lime juice. Once most of the water is gone the avocado feta and parsley can go in. There is a good amount of water in avocados but they're delicate and don't pan fry well, so we're just going to ignore their water crimes and hope for the best. They just need to be evenly mixed through the rest of the mush.

Putting it together

lay out the puff pastry, cut into sections to wrap each watermelon slice individually with.

Slather in jam

Take the prosciutto and lay it out on half of each section of the pastry,

spoon the salsa onto that

Melon

Another layer of salsa

another layer of thin meat

Fold the pastry over the top and pinch the edges bc watermelon slices are not a rollable shape and I don't want to carve a watermelon into a tube for this because that sounds irritating.

Brush with egg wash and more parsley

Cook in oven following the pastry's preferred temp and time. it's fucking watermelon, you're not getting ecoli from it.

watermelington :)

I'm serving it with baked sweet potatoes and spinach based salad with whatever toppings are left over from making the salsa.

anyways thank you for joing me on this thought experiment. I will post updates once the deed is done. I'm sorry to every British person ever.

[meamiiikiii]

mira !!! :]

[plusvanity]

tbh if no one had ever pointed out varg and marie being frauds i would have never noticed and would have genuinely thought they had a good life. it just seems so good to me. i am not that observant though

Don't feel bad for not observing this. They actually are very good at mentaining their image as the perfect nuclear family.

I would have a lot more to say about how they make things 'work', but I have no reason (gain) for why I should explain more.

I remember her telling women that they should give birth at home while she gave birth to all of her children in the hospital. There are so many examples of them playing this 'guru' role in illuminating people with their idealistic lifestyle. This is all a lie, of course, they mirror one another's behaviour, beliefs, etc.

Another thing that I would like to point out is that many people believe that Varg truly stands for what he says (politically, socially, economically, etc), but this is all false. Narcissists have a very blurred sense of self and little to no personality (this is found in the literature, not invented by me, look it up). He doesn't have a set of rules and morals that he goes by like most people do, he doesn't belong to any category of beliefs, he just associates himself with what he thinks will make him look stronger, wiser, more intelligent, etc, because he was a raging inferiority complex.

When he was much younger, pre Burzum-era, he wanted to be punk. Why? Because anarchists were 'cool and fearless' back then. This was the trend. He never cared about anything about their movement. Then, he shifted to extreme right because it was even 'cooler' in his mind. As an insecure boy, he wanted to be perceived as tough so he created this 'Varg image' (a false self) and everything that came after just so he could feel better about himself.

People believe that he is so strongly opinionated, but there are countless times in which it shows that he's not. He's empty inside. He doesn't hold value to anything.

If tomorrow an even 'cooler' political inclination/way of living and thinking appears, he will ditch all of his previous beliefs to be perceived as an even 'stronger' person. It's just so obvious.

I remember him talking about the pandemic one time feeling sorry for a man who lost his child because of the virus. That man was married to another man and had a profile picture with them, the kid and the LGBT flag behind them. People made memes about this as if 'Varg doesn't know who's he's talking with, wtf??'. Not he's well aware of who he's talking with, but he doesn't care. He does this on purpose to stir up reactions, and this is nothing new really. He talks about himself in the third person in tags and tweets. Why? Because he believes to be a celebrity.

As long as he will be given attention, he will continue to be just the way he is.

Marie is part of his brand, of course. She represents the 'mother bear'. She literally agrees that her oldest daughter (15-16) should be given to a mature man and be married with kids at this young age. They BOTH talk obsessively about fertility in young females (children), and they talk like this about their own kids. Do people still want to swear up and down that she is a good mother?

It's so easy to fool people nowadays by pretending that your life is perfect with a few pictures in nature and a bunch of seemingly 'wise' advices.

Varg is an open book, so easy to read. Whoever thinks that he is (or was ever) mysterious and intelligent is just as intelligent as him.

[zeronetxt]

i just want to say this for the sake of saying this.

the batkids' fav kpop groups (according to me)

i hc that they listen to kpop bc I listen to kpop. so heres the list starting w the 4 robins

Dick Grayson

TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS MAN IS A GG STAN. i can feel the vibes from here. he might enjoy a few lil bg songs but he is def one of those cutesy gg stans. i think hed vibe well w fromis_9's music bc its really upbeat yk

ULT: fromis_9

Le Sserafim

Twice

Jason Todd

there is NO ONE. ON THIS SAD EARTH. that can convince me he isnt a twice ult. however, he probs enjoys hardcore/noise music from bgs as well (which is fair enough) so there we have ateez and skz. im CONVINCED hes a chan ult, no idea why though. also i put lesserafim there bc yes. that man is just gonna be girling girling.

ULT: Twice

ATEEZ or Stray Kids

Le sserafim

Tim Drake

i was a bit less sure on tim's one, but im pretty sure these would probably be some of his top three, since the music is somewhat either really poppy or really hardcore, but i also feel like he'd enjoy listening to nugu groups, mainly nugu ggs. probably learns choreos too (get it girl)

ULT: æspa

TXT

Red Velvet

Damian Wayne

on the OTHER side of the spectrum is damian. this guy definitely knows the big groups (by 'big' i mean yg, jyp and hybe groups. anyone else, and hed be like "who?") i know for a FACT hes a bp fan.

ULT: Blackpink

NewJeans

(maybe) BTS

in conclusion however, id like to point out they are ALL twice stans real men stan twice

thats the robins done (minus steph, shes up next)

I personally dont know what i rly expect from the batgirls this time 😔

BUT

the batgirls (im bouta lock in)

barbara gordon

THIS WOMAN IS A GG STAN. is all i have to say pretty much about her. i just KNOW she loves hwasa. or just the girlbosses of kpop because yes.

MAMAMOO

(G)I-DLE

(i cant think of a third one, but i feel a bit of itzy or lesserafim)

adding kiss of life bc yes

cassandra cain

now for cass, my theory is she likes more rock or 'happy' music, no in between. like my mind thinks she'd like tws for some reason, like plot twist might actually be one of her favs. but then i also see her vibing to dreamcatcher, rolling quartz and day6 clear as day(6)

Dreamcatcher

Day6

TWS (casual probs)

Rolling Quartz

stephanie brown

now listen when i say this. THIS GIRL IS A MULTISTAN FOR SURE. i also definitely see her being into the music with a lot going on, such as nmixx or nct, or the groups with a diverse music range such as txt, enhypen or boynextdoor (for me personally), and p1harmony. i think girl would just LOVE itzy, and sing it in the shower or smth

NMIXX

NCT

ITZY

now there are a bunch of other groups that i think one of them would like, but cant place my finger on eg. kard or nu'est. but meh whatever, i have most of my repressed thoughts out. the one thing i need to say though: EVERYONE STANS TWICE IN THE BATFAM. and/or (mostly and though) lesserafim. thats is all :)

bonus:

duke thomas

im a bit less sure w duke's but i def know (in my messed up head) that he likes bnd. now i have this belief that EVERYONE in the batfam is a once, its a rule atm, so obv he also likes twice

boynextdoor

twice

lesserafim or kiss of life (not sure which he'd like more tbh 🧍👺)

[13eyond13]

I think that one of the reasons Lawlight would click so well as a couple is because Light would intuitively understand L and how to motivate him and disagree with him in a way that wouldn't automatically end their relationship (because L is so stubborn and cryptic and opinionated that oftentimes that IS what would happen with L if you strongly disagreed with him or tried to tell him what to do). Something like flirting with and flattering L and enticing him into doing something for a fun or sexy or funny or interesting reason, or turning things around on him so that he felt like he was rebelling against you or proving you wrong instead of trying to please you, or simply just acting unimpressed and aloof and disinterested in what L decides one way or the other in a situation where he isn't behaving how Light wants him to... these tactics would probably work on L much better than begging or nagging or outright bossing him around

[bacchuschucklefuck]

pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

[tariah23]

One of the main reasons why I used to avoid Isekai’s, and fantasy works in general, like the plague is because of how over saturated they’d become with things that didn’t feel like they even belonged to the genre to begin with… it’s not too hard to find works that stand out but so much of those works have been pushed down and forgotten, it just sucks.

[vynnyal]

Turns out Sunlit Trail isn't quite done just yet, so after all that they just send you to a dead end 😂

[guppygiggles]

Trying to decide if I want Avery as a medical doctor or a university professor in my Sea and Sky AU… I’m honestly leaning teacher, but, um. Both have their. Charms. ////

[al-luviec]

juvie buddies

[sk-ench]

nahyuta sahdmadhi

[donnatroyyyy]

Good Talia characterization and good Damian characterization can co-exist easily, they are not mutually exclusive whatsoever. Good Ra’s characterization along with good characterization for either Talia and Damian cannot coexist eight out of ten times, they are mostly mutually exclusive.

[batsplat]

I keep seeing people say Agostini likes Marc and I think you had post which included what Agostini thinks about the rosquez situation.

I was wondering if you knew if they have actually interacted or how this fondness started. And if it's continued.

Apologies if you've already made a post about this and i missed it 😊

And thank you for all the responses to my prev asks!!! You are like my favourite grandparent i sidle up to and ask to reveal some new thing of the MotoGP world. Which you do so patiently 💛. ( I'm sorry for the grandparent comparison i couldn't find a better one 😔😔😔😔😔).

ahaha that's super sweet. and honestly, I don't think there's really a story here, beyond 'ago quite likes him'! they did a joint interview of sorts at the laureus awards in 2015 which is worth a watch - which came after that 2014 season in which a big talking point was how it looked like marc might be able to match ago's numbers in 'winning everything'... also you have that presser clip from 2013 where the riders are asked ago or hailwood, and marc says "if everybody say ago, ago" and laughs, which. I mean. I'm sure respected ago just fine but it's probably worth pointing out he's not exactly an enthusiast, is he

but yeah, beyond wading into a couple of marc controversies, ago's definitely spoken warmly about him quite frequently over the years. as early as 2014, he was saying that if marc matched his records, he deserved to do so - and in 2020, he said marc didn't need to switch bikes to prove his greatness. he compared marc to one of his own big rivals, hailwood, in 2019, he spoke with sympathy about marc's switch to ducati at the back end of last year and sounded confident marc could win again (+ here), and made similar comments early this year and likewise was fairly encouraging in may. in 2023, he also spoke about marc's capacity to put on a show. plus, he also said in 2018 that marc and valentino's relationship doesn't matter as long as "they both make us have fun and give us a show", and also that "they do not have to marry". giacomo agostini homophobic dog question mark

a lot of it just seems kinda generic 'legend of the past being nice about the new kid', like say doohan was with valentino but without the mentorship angle. but yeah, ago does seem fonder of marc than he does of marc's contemporaries? with valentino, let's be honest, part of it is that he was the first to really show up and challenge some of ago's records (even steal some of them like premier class wins) - plus he's italian so there's really more direct competition than there is with marc. but y'know, obviously ago's been asked about both of them gunning for his records (generally win number for valentino and title number for marc)

you can read tonal differences into those answers if you so choose, but you can also say he's expressing roughly the same sentiment for both (if you so choose). ago did also joke in early 2020 that he'd beat them both:

(again, this is obviously a joke and I'm not going to read anything into it lol, just thought I'd include it)

ago does have retired athlete talking head syndrome where he does... y'know, have a lot of opinions and has shared quite a lot of those opinions. which... okay, I'm aware this isn't really what this ask was about, but. look. I just have to bring in jorge lorenzo at this point. this is only tenuously relevant, but I think it kinda provides a fun contrast with how utterly drama-free the dynamic between marc and ago is... AND gives some much needed context for how ago was relating to some other star riders of this century

ago and jorge had always gotten on pretty well - and ago joked back in the day that jorge had to stop valentino from getting too many more wins. it is probably worth mentioning that in that 2013 clip I linked to above, all the riders at the presser were asked the 'ago or hailwood' question. in response, jorge, that old simp, essentially went 'actually the goat is valentino'... but that's really isn't about ago as much as it is about jorge's relationship with valentino being *gestures vaguely* complicated. weird. complicated. anyway, look, ago and jorge got on well, had done so for years. then, in may of 2020, shortly after jorge's retirement and with no racing whatsoever going on during lockdown, the two of them got into a PUBLIC SPAT!! (low key between this and the dovi feud picking up again at the end of the year, jorge was really working overtime to make motogp less depressing that year)

the argument was prompted by ago's comments about jorge's time with ducati and honda:

so basically he's saying jorge was mid for three years because his head wasn't in it. which is... a debatable assessment of jorge's 2017-19, but let's just run with it. now jorge obviously isn't the type to just let this kind of thing go unchallenged, so he hit back:

for some reason. jorge's father also got involved, as he has an unfortunate tendency of doing:

(I'm gonna be so real, personally I wouldn't be particularly flattered if one of my parents suggested I could challenge one of my main career rivals 'on my day'. but anyways)

and then mr agostini in turn doubled down and told jorge that 'the truth hurts':

note the bit about how ago had sided with jorge against valentino! it is broadly true that ago has often been very complimentary of jorge, including to the detriment of valentino - and apparently that might have created tension with valentino's team. ago also added the following bit and it's kinda even more brutal:

so basically - ducati didn't pay jorge that much to win three races. funnily enough. jorge did not take kindly to these comments... and then he hit back on instagram (all of this is still in may 2020 btw, literally the only thing we had going for us). here's the text from the post:

jorge lorenzo a proud fellow warrior in the 'it's useless to compare different eras' campaign, saluting a real one

so, after jorge had said that ago doesn't know what he's talking about, that this kind of criticism was 'improper' from a legend like ago... we'd actually finally gotten to the point where ago wanted to clamp down on the controversy. here's what he had to say:

he doesn't want controversy! it's not his fault jorge didn't win! jorge didn't win a title with either ducati or honda! what a shame!

okay, there is arguably a slight difference in rhetoric between saying 'well I can't say he won at honda when he factually didn't!!!' and 'ducati paid him a lot and got nothing out of it' - BUT obviously this was still a bit of an olive branch from ago. unfortunately, we've gotten no updates on whether ago did ever reach out privately, but we did get jorge's response. and jorge... kinda accepts the peace...? but also not really!

so to paraphrase jorge here, he's basically going 'sure fine I'll accept the peace but I also know ago will start the same shit again when he has a microphone in front of him!!' - and also makes it clear that jorge will not shut up about ago chatting shit, unlike those other cowards who just let ago get away with it (including other champions). jorge then goes on to talk about their personal relationship and ago's past support of him:

and then jorge goes on to stridently defend his time with the ducati project - pointing out that, without detracting from what casey had done, it was a very good bike back when casey won the 2007 title:

(yes, obviously there is a rider who was doing rather a lot more with that bike during the same time span as jorge was there - who you'll note jorge very much does not name. I suppose jorge's argument would be that this particular rider had been with the team since 2013. without getting too much into 2017-18 discourse in a post that really isn't about that, it is broadly true jorge just Was Not Clicking with that bike for way too long, but he was running dovi pretty close in 2018 until he got injured at aragon. which is also because dovi was having a pretty ragged first half of the season himself but y'know, six of one half a dozen of the other. also low key those three jorge wins did get during his time at ducati massively flatter how that stretch of his career gets perceived a few years later, but again. this isn't all too relevant. just some historical context!)

and jorge rounds up the whole thing by demanding an actual apology:

and, lastly, here's what ago said in june:

anyway, that's basically it as the public spat went, but it did still give us some nice little gems. you'll note that jorge believes ago was supporting him against valentino - "what I know is that in the duel I had with rossi he wanted me to win races more, for the titles and all that". and then, of course, there's the fun bit where jorge says that ago has also said inaccurate things about valentino before: "because he has also said things about valentino many times that did not correspond to reality". jorge going full 'enemy of my enemy' about valentino on this issue is just extremely him, not least because that is a rivalry where, according to him!! ago basically always was rooting for jorge! and YET jorge's like 'valentino may not speak up on this issue but I!! will!!' I honestly have no clue if there's anything specific jorge's referring to here that ago is getting wrong about valentino... but again ago does have retired athlete talking head syndrome so really it could be anything

what this does do is give us a little bit of confirmation that ago probably isn't the world's biggest valentino rossi fan (obviously, valentino wouldn't let you know that kind of thing so it's great when you've got someone a little more talkative like jorge around). jorge didn't have to bring in valentino here - he did so of his own volition, because he apparently disagreed quite strongly with something ago had said about one of jorge's fiercest rivals. by contrast, there's nothing comparable you can point to with marc... which, given that we've established ago has run his mouth about past champions, would lead you to the conclusion that ago really is a bit of a marc fan. all things considered, ago seems genuinely fond of the little guy! he's never really talked him down, or taken another rider's side against marc! why? ... unfortunately, I have no clue. maybe it is linked to ago's feelings towards valentino, maybe it's completely unrelated and he just likes marc a lot, maybe he's a fan of him as a rider or his personality or something else. there's not really anything to suggest they're particularly close - for instance, I don't think marc has had dinner with ago's family like jorge has - but he generally always seems happy to offer up a lot of marc prop without any qualifications. it just seems like quite an uncomplicated relationship, and given ago's been fairly vocal within the past year about marc's switch to ducati, about how he could win again etc etc... he's perhaps quite enjoyed following that story. mostly, there's clearly just a lot of mutual respect there... and if ago did ever find cause to criticise marc as strongly as he did jorge, well, it's a lot less likely marc would decide to clap back on instagram. that'll help, I suppose

[wildstar25]

What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?

(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)

Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:

[naivety]

sorry but i hate that claudia's dress is hung up like it's in a museum. i know why it is, and it's sweet and tragic and i don't blame louis for trying to both honor and grieve her in this way, but i hate it <3 that her clothes fitted perfectly just for her by her immortal companion, just like her diaries, her own private thoughts penned down throughout her life, have been preserved and made perfect in bright open spotlight for gloved hands and watching eyes to feast on even in death. kinda hate it here

[iratusmus]

fiona fox is the love + light of my life . also no i am not taking any criticism on her questionable tshirt collection i can and will defend all of my choices.

also bonus artist commentary in the alt text