#and it's their fundamental belief in each other's goodness that makes them both better

[introspectivememories]

it is important to me that everyone knows that between tim and bernard, they both think the other is sunshine while they themselves are midnight rain

[oatlystrawberryicecream]

the way that some people talk about jason and batman and the joker is so jarring to me because it relies on some unspoken assumptions that i will never buy into

1. the assumption that taking a life inevitably always makes the person who did it worse. killing someone isn’t always this earth shattering thing that harms the person who does it and fundamentally changes their outlook on things. i guess if you have never met a veteran or someone who survived an armed robbery or any number of other things you might make that mistake, but like some of the people who fought in wwii came home and were normal members of the community and the times that their bullets hit the mark were not necessarily the parts of the war that kept them up at night. these assumptions that once you kill you are wicked and have to feel bad and do this whole show of repentance are insidious. if you are gonna look at all this through the lens of christian morality you should at least be aware that that is what you are doing but you cant have just one character be wicked and unclean because of his actions when the bible says that everyone is wicked and unclean by our nature and all sins are equal. a lot of people object to that view but if thats how you see it batman and jason and the joker are all sinners and are all as bad as each other so at least be consistant about how you apply that moral framework.

2. the assumption that being robin or being taken in and trained by bruce means full agreement with and acceptance of every part of bruce’s personal philosophy on justice and morality. jason was a homeless child and even if all this was explicitly laid out for him he could not have agreed since he needed bruce as a matter of survival. bruce’s ideology is extremely important to him and he can teach it to his children all he wants but they are not beholden to it above all else the way he thinks they should be. jason has to live according to his own beliefs regardless of how unacceptable bruce finds it and it is unfair and hypocritical of bruce to get bent out of shape about it.

3. the assumption that killing is always bad. maybe i have listened to too many episodes of behind the bastards but some people will do significant and appalling damage to others no matter what unless they are dead. those people can’t be allowed to keep causing harm. it isn’t glorious and there is no honor about it but it is right and just that they be stopped. there is no reason to strive for purity or ideological high ground when you can provide a measure of safety and justice to victims and prevent future harm instead.

4. the assumption that bruce didn’t have to answer to jason. parents have a duty to their children and it is my opinion that that duty does not end when the child dies. bruce adopted jason and made himself responsible and accountable for everything that happened to jason under his care. that responsibility was ignored over many instances. i am not going to detail the things that led to jason’s death here but it was not good or effective parenting. after jason’s death the disrespect starts pretty immediately with bruce compromising evidence of his murder in order to preserve his ability to continue as batman and continues with bruce getting rid of pretty much all traces of jason’s presence in his life. he is only spoken of as a mistake, a lost cause, or a cautionary tale and is assigned blame for his own death, a death that batman never bothered to fully investigate since he was buried next to the woman who led him into the trap. a new kid is endangered and the joker and batman both continue doing whatever they want as if jason’s life only matters for the way it affects them. bruce needs to answer for all of this, as his son jason has a right to expect more from his father. now the extent to which that extends can be debated but it is clear to me that jason deserved better from bruce.

conclusion: killing is accepted in society in certain circumstances, you may or may not agree with this but self defense laws and even things like jury nullification exist because people knew there should be some wiggle room since no one could have the full context of every situation that would ever arise. ending a life is not normal or ideal but it is not an unfathomably rare experience and it does not always weigh on the person who does it. bruce has never to my knowledge killed someone so he has no idea how he would actually respond but that still isn’t even what jason was asking him to do. all he had to do was be present and not move and he would have been the only parental figure who didn’t let jason down.

[aimzicr]

NaNoWriMo official statement: We want to be clear in our belief that the categorical condemnation of Artificial Intelligence has classist and ableist undertones, and that questions around the use of AI tie to questions around privilege.

Translation: Disabled people and poor people can't write and they need the Theft Machines to actually be good writers, and disagreeing with us is means you're a fundamentally bad person.

Meanwhile, Ted Chiang: "Believing that inspiration outweighs everything else is, I suspect, a sign that someone is unfamiliar with the medium."

"Many novelists have had the experience of being approached by someone convinced that they have a great idea for a novel, which they are willing to share in exchange for a fifty-fifty split of the proceeds. Such a person inadvertently reveals that they think formulating sentences is a nuisance rather than a fundamental part of storytelling in prose. Generative A.I. appeals to people who think they can express themselves in a medium without actually working in that medium. But the creators of traditional novels, paintings, and films are drawn to those art forms because they see the unique expressive potential that each medium affords. It is their eagerness to take full advantage of those potentialities that makes their work satisfying, whether as entertainment or as art."

"The programmer Simon Willison has described the training for large language models as “money laundering for copyrighted data,” which I find a useful way to think about the appeal of generative-A.I. programs: they let you engage in something like plagiarism, but there’s no guilt associated with it because it’s not clear even to you that you’re copying."

"Is the world better off with more documents that have had minimal effort expended on them? ... Can anyone seriously argue that this is an improvement?"

"The task that generative A.I. has been most successful at is lowering our expectations, both of the things we read and of ourselves when we write anything for others to read. It is a fundamentally dehumanizing technology because it treats us as less than what we are: creators and apprehenders of meaning. It reduces the amount of intention in the world."

-----------

I'm with Ted on this one. What the actual fuck, NaNoWriMo? Makes me wonder what the purpose behind the 'doublecheck your wordcount' box has been used for all these years, if not stealing for the Theft Machines.

Sources:

NaNo's original statement

NaNo's attempt at backtracking

Ted Chiang's New Yorker article (paywalled, but i hit refresh until it gave up)

Techcrunch article

[4everpatient]

BLITZØ IS THE DEFINITION OF AROMANTIC YALL!!!

Just finished watching apology tour and WOW, It's good, and Blitzø's aro-ness is so, so prominent I wouldn't be surprised if it's canon. So here's things I've noticed as an aro person about blitzø that scream aroallo to me

Most Obviously, He NEVER returns romantic feelings to anyone. Literally everyone at that party was his ex that confessed their love- That blitzø then rejected. Everyone was hurt by that very thing, And Blitzø is made out to be the bad guy because of it. But it makes so much sense if he PHYSICALLY CAN'T RETURN THOSE FEELINGS. He has sexual attraction, not romantic. When a partner finally confesses to him he simply doesn't feel the same way. At all. He doesn't know what to do. He rejects them, he hurts them.

And I think that's another thing- He doesn't know it. He believes himself to be an asshole because he's only looking for sexual relationships. He thinks there's something fundamentally wrong with him for not loving people the way they love him, He doesn't know aromantic people exist, To him. It's just another asshole thing he does. Something that will always seep guilt into him, no matter what.

And stars his talk with Stolas- in both this and the previous episode, we can see he likes being friends with benefits, he cares about Stolas, at least a bit. He's a friend(?) that can fill his sexual desires, That's comfortable, that's safe. But Stolas Loves him. Loves him in the way Blitzø can never love him back- They both like each other, But not in the same way. Stolas feels much deeper, Stolas wants the romantic, sappy life that Blitzø can never give. Blitzø of course acts out because he's scared- his belief of being an asshole is confirmed, just another shitty thing he did. He wants to be better.

All this to say. Aroallo blitzø real and true

[soleminisanction]

I don't know if you've touched on this but do you have any analysis that might explain why so many people think Cass is the "favorite" child? I've been seeing so many tweets and tiktoks about it (along with people pointedly snubbing Tim and saying he's the least favorite for whatever reason) and I'm not sure if it s joke because aside from the whole 'she's the only girl' explanation I don't think Bruce has ever expressed any sort of personal interest in Cass. He respects her fighting abilities and staunch no-killing morals but when she was mind-controlled by Deathstroke he turned on her pretty quick (so did Dick I think?). Not even considering the possibility that she was acting out of character and I'm pretty sure Tim was the only one defending her and pointing out that something was off. It was just interesting to me to see so many people thinking they were significantly closer than I believe is supported by canon and I was just wondering if I have missed something or just completely misread their relationship because Bruce does not seem all that close to Cass for her to even be considered in the running for "favorite child".

Twitter was the Bad Place long before Muskrat bought it and the only TikTok opinions I've ever heard that had any basis in canon reality came from PandaRedd, and I don't even know if he's still posting, I haven't heard from him in a while. So I have no idea what they're saying over there and quite frankly I don't want to think about it.

That said, the idea that Cass is Bruce's "favorite" is fairly common around fandom. For the most part I do think her being the only girl and fandom's knee-jerk tendency to make women perfect angels with no flaws whom everyone loves and adores out of a misplaced belief that doing so is the height of feminism plays a big part in that, buuuut I am also very much of the opinion that even the most out-there fandom misinterpretations almost certainly have their seeds somewhere in canon.

So I'd say -- mostly just based on gut instinct -- that some of it probably also stems from the connection mentioned in my last reblog. The fact that Bruce and Cass are so in-sync when it comes to The Mission and that said Mission is so fundamentally important to both of them, means it's not unreasonable to see how and why he'd favor her. I've heard Cass's Batgirl described as "the embodiment of everything good Batman was supposed to be," and you can see how people would extrapolate out from that to her being especially important to Bruce as a result.

All that on the table though, I don't think it's true. I don't actually think Bruce has a "favorite," I think he genuine does value all of his proteges for their unique strengths, worries over their unique struggles and is proud of the unique people they've become without feeling the need to rank them against each other.

But if he did have one? There's no contest in my mind -- it has to be Dick. They have the longest and most complex relationship. They're partners, brothers, mentor and student, father and son, master and disciple, sage and scholar -- they're soulmates, in the truest sense of the word. Nightwing is better than Batman, better than anything Bruce ever dreamed Batman could be, capable of doing more good for more people. Dick is his pride and joy, the best thing Bruce has ever done, the solid, tangible proof that, if nothing else, he could make the world better for one scared little boy who'd lost his parents.

Cass would definitely be up there in the rankings (probably jostling for position alongside Duke and Tim) but there's really no contest for first place.

[queerfables]

On my post about what Aziraphale meant by "I forgive you", @rebloggyssia replied:

I love this interpretation! It was a really sad moment to witness so I had problems to analyze the scene. But after reading your post I did rewatch it and Azi was really angry for a moment like you said. So my question is: why? Was he upset about Crowley not sharing is point of view, their miscommunication or something else?

I touched on this briefly in one of the many reblog threads of this post, but I have some more to say (don't I always?)

Earlier, I said that I think Aziraphale is angry that Crowley loves him, but not enough to follow him. That's the proximal reason.

But to be honest, I'm not even sure if he's really angry with Crowley. I think more than anything he's just fucking furious about this whole unbearable, hopeless, endless situation they're in. It's been six thousand years. They survived the end of the world. They're as free and together as they've ever been and they still can't talk about it. Whatever changed after Armageddon, it wasn't enough, and here they are again fighting for their lives. They can't go on like this.

So he offers a solution that he hopes will protect them both and Crowley rejects it out of hand. And like, of course he's angry about that, but I still maintain that whatever miscommunication is going on between them, fundamentally they know each other. Maybe better than two beings on Earth or anywhere else ever have. Deep down, I think he knew Crowley would never do this. And so he's angry, too, that he has this offer Crowley can't accept, and it's an offer he can't turn down.

That's the whole problem, isn't it? Angel and demon are sides in a war, they're deeply ingrained identities, but they're also choices. It's a bad choice between ruthlessly enforced control with the illusion of peace and unpredictable violence with the illusion of freedom, but it's the choice they have. Pick your poison.

The fact that Aziraphale and Crowley have never had this conversation - what if we could be on the same side? - says pretty plainly that they know where they stand. Arguably, Crowley returning to Heaven never felt like an actual possibility and so Aziraphale always assumed that if he could, he would. I think this is really one of those places where Aziraphale's cognitive dissonance is working overtime to accommodate his conflicting beliefs. Heaven is Good and there's something fundamentally wrong with anyone who would reject it. Crowley is the best person Aziraphale kows, and he rejects Heaven. Aziraphale reconciles this by doubting Crowley's rejection is genuine, but he also never has to test it if it isn't really on the table. He never asks Crowley and it isn't because he takes it for granted. It's because he doesn't want to hear that he's wrong.

So Aziraphale doesn't know what to do with Crowley's refusal, and maybe he really is surprised by it. Crowley usually does cave in the end. But I think he realised this would be a hard sell. If we're taking the fight at face value, that's how I would explain his anxious behaviour when he starts the conversation. He's making a proposition he knows Crowley is going to hate. He's nervous about Crowley's reaction, and his performance of excitement is his own version of a temptation: see how happy we can be, if you'll only say yes?

Aziraphale has thousands of years worth of repressed doubt and longing and Heaven is offering him the chance to set right all the things he knows to be wrong. He wouldn't have to live with this schism in his heart between faith and love. Whatever mistakes Heaven made are mistakes he can fix. And then Crowley says: no, angel, you can't fix this.

This is the brilliance of the Metatron's manipulation. For thousands of years, Aziraphale has been torn between Heaven and Crowley. I'm being unforgivably reductive about the ideals Aziraphale is struggling to reconcile, but on some level, it really is that simple. Aziraphale loves Heaven, Aziraphale loves Crowley, and he cannot have both. Heaven shows Aziraphale over and over that he can't have both. Meanwhile Crowley swans around giving Aziraphale excuses to flip Heaven off behind the archangels' backs, working beside him to do the good that Heaven won't, and never, ever making him choose. Crowley might have Opinions about Heaven's priorities and Aziraphale might privately agree but Crowley will never make him say it. He'll never ask Aziraphale to reject Heaven as Heaven demands he reject Crowley. Heaven gives black and white ultimatums and Crowley shows him how to live in the grey.

And then Heaven says he can have both. Aziraphale doesn't have to choose, he can have Heaven, and Crowley, and the power to fix the problems he always railed against besides. It's the perfect move, because if Heaven says yes, it forces Crowley to be the one to say no. And to make sure he does, Heaven includes a condition that Aziraphale can live with and Crowley absolutely cannot.

This is why Aziraphale is angry. All of it. It's a 6000 year running clusterfuck of impossible choices and every time he thinks he sees a way out it gets snatched away. He's had four years of freedom with Crowley and it still wasn't enough for them to even talk about what's really between them, and now Heaven is back knocking on their door. He's repressed all of his anger towards Heaven because it was never safe to express it, and then Heaven pulls a neat little trick to make all of it Crowley's fault instead, and dangles everything he wants right in front of him while knowing it'll stay out of reach. Even if he sees right through that, he's completely powerless to change it. So he's angry with Crowley, and Heaven, and himself, and for this one intense moment, anger he couldn't show becomes anger he can't hold back.

[jazzmckay]

anders & merrill parallels

despite coming from contrasting walks of life, anders and merrill have a lot in common. tension rises between them due to fundamental differences in their belief systems; things that could help them understand each other incredibly well mostly just drive them apart, which is such a tragic loss for two people who are in desperate need of support.

ways anders and merrill parallel each other:

childhood displacement and resulting isolation

on a quest for the good of their people

their faith

association with spirits/demons

lack of support and eventual tragedy

childhood displacement and resulting isolation:

at the age of 12, anders was taken from his parents to the ferelden circle. when merrill's magic manifested as a child, she was sent to another dalish clan that needed a keeper's first, having to leave her parents behind. their magic meant they had to be uprooted from their homes and families. merrill's displacement was not done maliciously--mages are moved around so that no clan goes without a keeper to preserve their history and culture--but it does still mean she lost her family very young and only has vague, wistful memories of them.

marethari, as much as she thinks she's doing what she must / what's best for merrill, is not a good parental substitute. their relationship may have started decently, until the matter of the eluvian drives a wedge between them, but what happens at this point doesn't paint marethari as a good parental figure. marethari chooses to send merrill away rather than trying to reach a compromise with her, or even just comforting her and helping her process her grief in a healthy way. it's clear merrill thinks of marethari highly, but it seems like acceptance and emotional support may not have been a large part of their relationship. in addition to this, as a keeper's first, merrill's training and apprenticeship likely took most of her time, making it harder to nurture other friendships.

likewise, the circles aren't a good place for mages to form relationships. they're under constant scrutiny, they have to be careful about any connections they form, many mages may feel they're safer keeping to themselves. children born to mages in a circle are even taken away from them. circles are a hostile environment in many ways, and wouldn't inspire the mages to foster companionship. anders refuses to talk to anyone, even the other mages, at first. he escapes seven times. it isn't until karl that he has any reason to stay, and then karl is taken from him, too.

both anders and merrill have the people they care about taken from them repeatedly--and in merrill's case, the people she cares about even push her away. they grow up disconnected, isolated, and having to fend for themselves. i think this leads to some of the personality traits they have in common as well, namely their intense stubbornness. they have learned that they're largely on their own, so they make decisions on their own, and can rarely be swayed once their minds are made up.

on a quest for the good of their people:

anders is fighting for mage freedom--eventually at all costs. merrill is determined to restore her people's history--not necessarily at all costs, but she goes far further than anyone else would. both of them are driven by wanting better for their people. they are passionate about their goals. these goals are at the forefront of their lives, they are goals they strive for across years, relentlessly. they don't give up, no matter the difficulties along the way. they desperately want positive change for their people. their goals say a lot about them as people, and these qualities are things they share with each other in an incredibly synonymous way.

their faith:

anders is andrastian, and merrill believes in the creators. anders' faith doesn't come across so strongly, because he is of course opposing the chantry's rule on how mages should be treated, but the chantry's teachings have been ingrained in him since growing up in the circle. he believes that there are spirits, and there are demons, and the demons are wholly, inherently evil. his understanding of justice supports his understanding of this dichotomy. merrill, by contrast, was taught that all spirits/demons are just like people, as varied as any mortal. she says all of them can be dangerous, but they can be helpful, too, and she is confident in her ability to treat them carefully and safely.

they butt heads on this badly. anders asks if merrill started blood magic by accident. she says no, she did it very intentionally. anders asks if maybe she just doesn't understand the difference between spirits and demons. she says no, i have a belief of my own and don't need to borrow yours, thank you. it's inevitable that you'll become an abomination, anders claims. skill issue, merrill replies.

their faiths are different, but the two of them are similar in how strong their belief is. it's that stubbornness again: they will not be swayed. they can't agree on blood magic, or how to view demons, which is the main thing that keeps forcing them apart despite how similar they are.

association with spirits and demons:

on the topic of their different perspectives on spirits and demons, another main thing they have in common is anders' relationship with justice, and merrill's relationship with demons she communicates with through blood magic. anders doesn't appreciate them being compared in this manner, but from merrill's viewpoint, they are very much comparable, and in fact, anders is doing the same thing she does, but far riskier. she has no intention of ever joining with a demon. she says anders has no room to judge her, when he has let a spirit in.

both of them are willing to communicate with spirits, both of them have a more open-minded approach to spirits, and this is something they could find common ground on, if not for anders seeing a difference between spirits and demons while merrill does not, and anders' belief that he has corrupted justice into vengeance. it doesn't matter who is right, if either of them are. both of them are doing something risky but thought/think they have a handle on it, that they could/can control it.

whether or not they're right, it leads them to tragedy regardless.

lack of support and eventual tragedy:

merrill is right that she can fix the eluvian. she's also right that eluvians were important artefacts to the elvhen and they could teach the dalish more about their history. she's right! and it doesn't matter. no one believes her. everyone thinks she'll only bring them destruction. her clan turns her away when she refuses to back down. even hawke can not believe in her. many of the other party members don't believe in her. she's right, and it doesn't matter. her clan has a high chance to end up dead. she loses marethari regardless. many party members comment on the fallout in harsh ways. the guilt is already eating at her. she fixes the eluvian, and there may be no one left to share in her success, she may not even be able to feel victorious herself, after what it cost. she is alone. she has always been, in some way, alone.

how different could it have been, if someone had understood what she needed? if someone had as much faith in her as she had in herself?

anders lived the experience of a young mage ripped away from their home and family, forced into a circle, forced under templar and chantry rule. he knows what it feels like to be a lost, scared child, locked in an unfamiliar place, where armoured figures with hidden faces are always watching. he has experienced the abuses. he has been imprisoned and tortured. he has had people dear to him taken from him and made tranquil, even though they were harrowed, even though they never would have done something to warrant it. until joining the wardens, his life was an endless battle to just be free.

the fight for mage freedom, and his manifesto, are a matter of life and death for anders. everyone else, though--they can ignore it, because it doesn't impact them directly. they can believe the potential for mages to be dangerous justifies systematic abuse and even culling. anders is frequently ignored, belittled, or even hated for his mere desire for freedom, and for his passion for the freedom of all mages. he is screaming at the top of his lungs, and no one is listening.

in the end, no matter what, he blows up the chantry alone. he's out of options. it's been years, and nothing else works. no one cares. he has been pushed to his limit. he doesn't want it to be like this, but it's all there is left, and something has to give. he does this alone, and is willing to give his life in the aftermath, because he has nothing left to give.

this likely never could have gone differently. anders has been doomed since the moment he was born a mage.

conclusion:

anders and merrill are characters whose lives often mirror each other: mages who have never been able to form strong, healthy, and/or lasting relationships, finding themselves isolated and needing to rely on only themselves. they are deeply passionate people who strive to do good and make a difference. unfortunately, this works out tragically for both of them.

in a perfect world, maybe they could have been exactly what the other needed. their empathy and determination could have let them help each other. the base is there: when anders first starts asking about merrill's blood magic, he does it with a tone of concern. many times, merrill can express her wish for anders to be happy. in a conversation with sebastian, merrill reveals that anders has warned her to stay away from the chantry. they disagree with each other, but they do care. at anders' harshest, he is talking about himself more than he's talking about merrill; as he feels himself fraying, he projects his anger at himself onto her. he sees their similarities, and he's afraid. she could have reassured him, they could have supported each other, could have put their heads together and found new solutions. the potential was there for their similar experiences to give them a uniquely strong companionship, but they just never managed to grasp onto it.

[forgeofthenine]

I also wish to simp over the tieflings😁

So I have a question for you. In your opinion, which would be the fittest class for being each tieflings batchelor partner?

My best friend and I were playing bg3 yesterday (both sipping for Dammon so the conversation was more focused on him) and the question came out.

My bf defended that for our fav blacksmith a paladin would be the best option for going on a date. Cause they're usually loyal to their beliefs, tend to have a kind nature and they're always in need of good armor and weapons. It was paladin for her.

But I differ. I firmly believe that a nice ✨Bard✨ would be the correct answer. And here's why:

1. Dammon is a kind, polite and (probably) organised soul. Most bards have chaotic energy. I believe that a bard partner would be a nice influence on him and vice-versa. He calming his partner when they get too overexcited and them trying to get him out of his comfort zone.

2. They're both artists in a way. I think that a bard would admire and see the beauty in Dammon's job. Maybe even getting curious about it, ask him questions and see him work. He would be so happy. And also Dammon would admire and enjoy the Bard's music, singing, drawing, etc. (whatever bardic gift you got people, it doesn't matter to him. He'll love it)

3. We all know Dammon reads smut and I sincerely cannot picture a more smut reading class than a bard. Like I can perfectly see the scene of the bard discovering "A pleasurable deal" (I think that's the name of it, if not I apologise) and being totally chill about it, read a few pages with all the calm in the world and Dammon finding them out, grabbing the book terribly ashamed of it... Just to see them mock him a little bit to finally say "Hey and if when you finished with it you need any recommendations I have a few that might interest you". (Insert all the fantasy young adult with spice novels here)

And finally but not last:

4. (And this is a more personal one) I have the personal belief that if you play a bard you are personifying the need of a traumatised being who always tries to feel better through music and a charismatic behaviour while being in need of a found family even if you're in denial. I might be wrong, it might be me who plays bards this way but it's just a single theory I have.

But guess what, we're having a Bard here. And what better option to have a family with than Dammon.

I REST MY CASE! THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.

🤣🤣🤣But really, I would like to hear your opinion on this debate. If you had to choose what would it be and why?

(All classes are equally nice and fitting, no hate here to any of them👌🏻)

I know that this got long ah so thanks for reading it. I love your blog and I hope that everything goes perfectly well on your day-to-day. Byeee!!💛💛💛💛

🎻- Anon

This is actually a very fun question because I've never actually thought about matching people based on classes.

I agree with both of you that either a paladin or a bard would definitely work well with Dammon thematically. However, I raise the option of him being with an artificer. While I love opposites attract tropes, Dammon is a fiercely proud and passionate man, his dedication to his work is enough to scare off almost anyone. So, who would work best with such a wonderful but independent man? Someone who understands his thinking on a fundamental level. An artificer that knows what it is to be an artisan, to dedicate yourself to 'making', to spend late nights working on various blueprints. I just feel like he'd work well with someone that understands him and doesn't fault his dedication to his work.

For Zevlor, I'm a big supporter of the Zevlor x cleric idea. I feel like as a paladin, having him with a cleric just works so well thematically. He's a paladin who believes himself to be disgraced and what's better to help 'bring him back to the light' and support him other than someone else that understands his relationship with his patron god and his intense need to protect everyone. It's easier to accept help from someone that you feel understands your issues, and I feel like being with a cleric just really suits Zevlor.

Rolan with a sorcerer. That's it. Imagine the sass, the cat fights, the endless bickering before they even realise they're attracted to each other. Rolan definitely does the whole 'sorcerors just can't control their magic and tried to make it a thing', specially with a wild magic user. It never quite ends either, even after years of seeing each other Cal and Lia still walk in on their little sarcasm spats. I don't feel like there's a deeper reason to this, other than the fact I feel like Rolan had very little guidance in learning magic (much like a sorcerer might) and is doing a bit of light projection to start with.

So here's my humble opinions, I'd love to hear everyone else's and I hope everyone is having a lovely day <3

[eruhamster]

I think what people miss about Berserk when they complain about stuff that tends to not make sense, like claiming the sexual violence is all for shock value and how it's misogynistic, is like... For all its themes, Berserk is a hopeful manga.

It revolves around three characters who are all victims of sexual violence. Guts was raped as a child. Casca was saved from rape from a man she then worshipped, and that man later raped her in front of the person she loved. Griffith as a child prostituted himself out for money for his army.

This sexual violence is intrinsic to their characters. They aren't shock value and it isn't just shrugged off as things someone did to them, but events they went through that fundamentally shape their characters. Guts has trust issues and has a perpetual urge to run away, Casca became catatonic, Griffith runs from his feelings and developed a belief that sex violence = power that caused him to enact that onto others, including Casca.

And this entire manga is how they handle these problems. Guts was at his best when he was in Griffith's army because he had a support network that helped him move on from what happened. The pain was still there and the urge to run still existed, but it made his fear of touch go away. Guts only got worse and worse and was on the edge of getting himself killed until he faced his problems head on. It is said very blatantly in the story that you must "face your sorrows" with the people irreplaceable to you. He was told to not just fridge Casca and run off. And he takes that to heart, he takes Casca with him, and when that is still too much for him to bear, he opens up his heart and starts to develop a support network. That support network help him and helped Casca. Casca is no longer catatonic (even now she only seems stuck in a dream loop of sorts; a cage she's trying to escape from to get back to Guts because she KNOWS he needs her), but the things she went through still heavily affected her. She couldn't look Guts in the eye, but it was getting better.

Griffith refused to live in sorrow with everyone. He is the enemy. He decided no one in his life mattered but him, and didn't just sacrifice others, but also has been perpetuating a cycle of self-harm of digging himself a deeper and deeper hole rather than just try to admit his feelings and improve.

And these themes are CONSTANT. The two girls who dream of the fairies taking them away from their abusive families. The prostitutes who took care of Casca, specifically the girl with syphilis and her boyfriend who both end up hurting each other. Farneese and her brother, who love each other and take care of each other and help each other through all their bad tendencies, Rickert and this girl he's adopted as a sister, who insists comes with him rather than be left alone. And so on, and so on - the foil to Casca and Guts even exists in Danaan and the Skull Knight, where they are good people, but Skull Knight refuses to face sorrow with Danaan even now, holding onto her death when she was very much alive and smiling right in front of him, albeit not the exact same thing she was before.

It makes me tear up to think about and it's a story that can only be told by showing just how bad things can be that they permanently change your mannerisms. But no one talks about that part. The true meaning that Berserk is trying to tell.

Terrible things happened to you, but you aren't broken. You can't deal with it alone, and it can cause you to hurt other people. But if you try, you can go down the road to recovery with those you love who are hurting, too. You can lick your wounds and become better, together.

[fights4users]

We would’ve made a great team-

Sark’s borderline obsession with Tron is so interesting. He both admires and fears him, understands him perfectly but misunderstands him on a fundamental level. Both stand on opposite sides of the extreme, similar to each other in strength and ferocity but departed on a base level. The idea of them teaming up brings a interesting au to mind and several things to explore, however It would never happen unless Encom! Rinzler would become a thing. Teaming up with Red Elite would never be done willingly on Tron’s end while for Sark it might begrudgingly work with Tron.

There has to be a way to break him-

Sark has a morbid fascination with finding Tron’s breaking point. He keeps upping the stakes and throwing him into games more often, unwittingly making the weapon that would be his doom.

While he enjoys testing him there’s almost a jealousy to it, Tron hasn’t died yet and he hasn’t given in. Surely he must give in , toss aside his ridiculous beliefs and take what’s offered. Why isn’t he taking the obvious path for survival? How dare Tron be better than him. “I broke, why won’t he?” Holding on so tightly to morality when you tossed aside everything for power… how dare he be a better person.

Sark treats Tron as a plaything while acknowledging how powerful he is as an adversary. (The match we saw him in was 4-1) He battles with wanting to kill him outright and wanting to face him himself. It took most of his resources to capture Tron- going against him would be a actual challenge, as we see in the beginning of the movie he’s getting bored.

While they share combat prowess their thought process could not be more different. Everything that he’s put Tron through has only succeeded in strengthening his beliefs. Where Sark thinks he should break down , he sees confirmation of the User’s power. It’s fascinating (I really recommend the novelization- that’s my thing at this point lol but it adds a lot).

Chosen warriors-

It’s easy to forget that Sark too is a gods chosen warrior. The MCP is a god to him and on the path to literally becoming one in their world with the power it accumulates. He has been bolstered up and admired by his side, though his position is one built more on fear than equal admiration. We see again they’re on the opposite sides of the two extremes.

The loyalty, drive and sense of justice etc that’s naturally apart of Tron’s code had to be forced into Sark. He had to build upon what was already there, it’s implied that the only reason he’s a command program is the MCP just like Dillinger without it he is nothing. There’s that jealousy when he sees someone else naturally have this sort of power. His belief in the MCP is not inherent , he believed in the Users once and deep down he still does- the new belief comes from where he can gain that power. Like Dillinger he is desperate to get to the top by any means, and he did that. He’d rather die than return to nothingness- a state of unimportance- where as Edward is much more fretful. He doesn’t want to loose what he has but jail still scares him.

He is also physically dependent on the MCP - getting a high from the power and I think now he has to get a constant stream to survive. The amount put into him on a regular basis is far to much for a regular program to take in and keep online… if he stops getting it I can only imagine. He’s being held captive by his god and I think he can resent Tron for that- for still having the “pure” relationship with his.

Power, fear and relevance-

I talked about it above with how Sark has done everything in his want for power tossing away all morality for the sake of being important. It makes me wonder what his original function was, with the way he is I can imagine it being a good position but not enough for him. He relishes in the destruction of User believers and finds crushing them on the game grid entertaining, again to parallel Dillinger taking others work, crushing and absorbing smaller companies into Encom with glee.

Tron is a direct threat to that importance, that position and acclaim he had destroyed so many for. He was loyal! He did all that he was asked and here struts in a program naturally strong and exacting— he knows if Tron ever chose to join them he is done for yet his pride and curiosity keep him from outright killing him to save his own skin (how unlike him in any other circumstance).

This fear doesn’t extend to Alan as Ed is well aware… good guys rarely win in the real world. He’s cocky, he knows a guy like that is a straight shooter, he follows the rules and wouldn’t dare stoop to his level to stop him. What he didn’t count on was Kevin Flynn.

[vavuska]

Books similar to The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood:

The Grace Year by Kim Liggett and Extasia by Claire Legrand are both distopyas dense of religious fanatism and women's segregation, in which sexism and sexual prejudice are associated with various aspects of religion (e.g. belief, faith, and fundamentalism). This novel shows also how higher religious fundamentalism is associated with internalized misogyny and passive acceptance of traditional gender roles, and both hostile and benevolent sexism.

In The Grace Year the stereotype of a women as source of sin was laid down by the dominant religious authorities before the inception of widespread violence led by women against women, but after all the violence and blood, women learn the importance of sorority, female friendship and start to support and help each others.

The main source of conflicts are ribbons, which, in The Grace Year, are the sign of a women lifestage and the bride's ribbon is a valued price among most of the girls of the age of Tierney, the protagonist. The bride ribbons create a competition between girls to get bachelor’s attention, self-objectification, and humiliation toward each others. Although the competition eventually destroys most of them, this characteristic offers pleasure to those who survived their Grace Year. Tierney learns to survive on her own, learns that the religious values she was thought were wrong and learns also to appreciate her peer's friendship.

Extasia adds witchcraft and supernatural elements, but the main character (Amity) believes deeply in social conservatism—Amity has a preference for stability, conformity and the status quo— which is often a key trait of the religious experience, but also betrays deep feeling of self-hate.

In Extasia, the very patriarchal structures that decry witchcraft – the Puritan church in which the characters lives in and escapes from, the male headship to which the community so desperately cling, the insistence, in the face of repeated violence, on the sin of her mother – are the same structures that inevitably foreclose the options of the lead character, Amity.

To this two, I will mention also The Year Of The Witching by Alexis Henderson. In this novel, Immanuelle, a young woman living in a rigid, puritanical society, discovers dark powers within herself. This book is very similar to Extasia, but not such as good: Amity character is way more believable than Immanuelle and shows way more comprehension of the injustices committed in the name of the religion. The cult in Extasia contains more original elements and believing than the one in The Year Of The Witching, which seems more a copy-paste of mormon radical close-communities, including the elements of racial prejudice. Both Immanuelle and Amity live in the disdain of their own community because of the sins committed by their mother, which were both punished for their love affairs, but when Amity is a girl-of-action and actively search for mercy and witchcraft, Immanuelle is cursed - literally - by passivity and events occurs without her active consents, including the defection of the evil antagonist. Also, female friendship doesn't take place among the main themes and the book suffer a lot of the male love-interest help.

The Grace Year by Kim Liggett

No one speaks of the grace year. It’s forbidden.

In Garner County, girls are told they have the power to lure grown men from their beds, to drive women mad with jealousy. They believe their very skin emits a powerful aphrodisiac, the potent essence of youth, of a girl on the edge of womanhood. That’s why they’re banished for their sixteenth year, to release their magic into the wild so they can return purified and ready for marriage. But not all of them will make it home alive.

Sixteen-year-old Tierney James dreams of a better life—a society that doesn’t pit friend against friend or woman against woman, but as her own grace year draws near, she quickly realizes that it’s not just the brutal elements they must fear. It’s not even the poachers in the woods, men who are waiting for a chance to grab one of the girls in order to make a fortune on the black market. Their greatest threat may very well be each other.

With sharp prose and gritty realism, The Grace Year examines the complex and sometimes twisted relationships between girls, the women they eventually become, and the difficult decisions they make in-between.

Extasia by Claire Legrand

Her name is unimportant.

All you must know is that today she will become one of the four saints of Haven. The elders will mark her and place the red hood on her head. With her sisters, she will stand against the evil power that lives beneath the black mountain--an evil which has already killed nine of her village's men.

She will tell no one of the white-eyed beasts that follow her. Or the faceless gray women tall as houses. Or the girls she saw kissing in the elm grove.

Today she will be a saint of Haven. She will rid her family of her mother's shame at last and save her people from destruction. She is not afraid. Are you?

The Year Of The Witching by Alexis Henderson

In the lands of Bethel, where the Prophet’s word is law, Immanuelle Moore’s very existence is blasphemy. Her mother’s union with an outsider of a different race cast her once-proud family into disgrace, so Immanuelle does her best to worship the Father, follow Holy Protocol, and lead a life of submission, devotion, and absolute conformity, like all the other women in the settlement. But a mishap lures her into the forbidden Darkwood surrounding Bethel, where the first prophet once chased and killed four powerful witches. Their spirits are still lurking there, and they bestow a gift on Immanuelle: the journal of her dead mother, who Immanuelle is shocked to learn once sought sanctuary in the wood. Fascinated by the secrets in the diary, Immanuelle finds herself struggling to understand how her mother could have consorted with the witches. But when she begins to learn grim truths about the Church and its history, she realizes the true threat to Bethel is its own darkness. And she starts to understand that if Bethel is to change, it must begin with her.

[raayllum]

i feel like a way Rayla could realise her self sacrifice issue was bad was if she put herself in danger to save someone and it was all in vain and she ended up injured for nothing and callum’s yelling at her is a wake up call

thoughts?

The tricky thing about Rayla - and indeed why I think her issues are so like, persistent - is because it wouldn't surprise if the scenario you've laid out above is exactly what happened to her during the timeskip to evoke the "We can't save everyone, there's too much at stake" reaction to the drake, and if anything it just made her Worse off, instead

Cause I feel like in a situation like that, Rayla would just internalize it as "I failed to protect them because I'm not good enough," and not necessarily "I need to stop biting off more than I can chew and let people help me" / that she's worthy of that sort of help. Cause self worth issues like Rayla tends to rest on an inherent belief that there's something Wrong with her. Not just with what she does, but inherently with what she is, that she's fundamentally flawed in a way that other people just Aren't. It's not a belief based on reality and is far from fair, but it is an exceedingly common one

We actually kind of see this perfectly illustrated in 1x08, in which both the boys 'mess up' to a degree, and Rayla reassures them back to back

Callum: Ugh. I'm sorry my plan was a mess! Rayla: Nah, your plan was fine! Our execution was a little off. Ezran: I'm so sorry I messed up the plan. Rayla: Ah, you should cut yourself a break. Everyone messes up sometimes.

And then later that very same episode, when Ezran tries to offer Rayla some reassurance/leeway, and Callum in 1x09 reiterates that it's not her fault, Rayla initially steamrolls over both of them and fully over Callum trying to assuage her guilt: "That shouldn't have mattered. I had a job to do" / "No, I should have trusted you. Things only went wrong because we kept fighting." "I let you both down. I let the world down."

Because, according to Rayla, she messes up all the time, and kinda believes she always will. She doesn't really think she can free the dragon and make it out alive, which is probably what it would take for a mission to be deemed 'successful' (and is very Runaan "sacrifice" of her). She doesn't really think she's going to come back after leaving in TTM, either ("I wish I could say that we'll see each other again, but I don't know. I hope so").

She's the assassin and the protector who can't successfully protect anyone. She's the one who spent two years searching for Viren and Claudia and got defeated enough to eventually come home, only to realize they really were out there and she just couldn't find them. She couldn't catch the pouch containing her parents' coins; she couldn't keep Callum safe. She's the defect. The traitor, the liar. The Ghost. The mistake.

So like, what does Rayla need to realize then?

That she can succeed and won't inevitably fail (may be achieved by successfully saving Callum, emotionally/physically, from Aaravos' brainwashing)

That even if she does fail, it's okay and it's okay for her to make a mistake (arguably the more important one) and that she doesn't have to Punish herself for them (or anyone else's mistakes) either

That not everything, even her failures, are universally her fault, and learning to distinguish between her failures, mistakes, and things that couldn't be helped either way

That it is okay, if anything better, for her to accept help and to lean on other people, and that it's okay (even if it's not ideal) for them to want to protect her

Tying into that, regardless of whether she succeeds or fails, she has worth and is worthy of love - that she doesn't have to and shouldn't have to do everything alone

That it is okay to stay and want things for herself

She's got a long road ahead, clearly, but I am confident that she can get there. I always have been, ever since S1 began to show the fractures, and S3 blew them wide open, and I cannot wait to get to see her start healing

[monotonous-minutia]

I love women and working with women and women supporting women in their profession. and the fact that all my coworkers at my old job were women is not the reason I left. But at my new job there are about as many men as women (afaik I'm the only nb but I could be wrong) and it's weird but I realized I haven't had male coworkers since undergrad. So like 7 years. And not to be weird or gender stereotype-y but it's been kind of nice. Like most of my friends are girls or girl-adjacent but sometimes I feel like I get along with guys better. I know personalities and thoughts and behaviors are not strictly gender based but having guys around especially working with kids is nice. And they're not the guys like 'let me carry that for you' like they're helpful but they're not assuming I can't do something because I'm femme presenting (and tiny). I've already had some deep conservations with one of the guys there about beliefs and family and the actual state of reality. He gave me a grapefruit the first time we worked together because I said I was feeling light-headed and hadn't picked a lunch. (A whole ass unpeeled grapefruit. Apparently he eats them a lot. He said he brought 3 to work that day.) And there's one guy there who I'm like two months older than and we're awkward in the exact same way. We both take things too literally or too seriously but then turn around and give each other a hard time (good-naturedly). And idk maybe it's me being not 100% a woman myself it's nice to not be in a female only space. (I'm not out yet and tbh I don't think I'll make an effort to be. As great as it was to be out and accepted at my old job it was kind of exhausting constantly addressing it with kids and families.) But goofing around with him has seemed more natural and comfortable and I'm not walking away mentally hitting myself over whatever reaction he has. Idk maybe it's just his personality or the fact that we're the same age. but I've only been there two weeks and I already feel more connected to the team than I ever did at my old job. Not just him but everyone has been really nice and making an effort to know and include me.

Maybe I'm honeymooning and it'll end up the way it always does, with me saying something stupid that casts me out and I leave because I feel isolated and ignored. Maybe I'll be here three years and the cycle will continue and I'll never find a place where I belong because there's something fundamentally wrong with me. But for now I'm looking forward to showing up and being a part of this team and meeting the kids next week.

[granulesofsand]

hey there, good timezone. wishing you well. i've considered this for a while but never quite committed to the concept because.. hoo boy. anyway:

tbmc survivor here. do you personally feel that understanding the perpetrating organization's ideology could be useful in communicating, understanding, and figuring out how to work with parts? and, when their dogma/ideology is so complex/layered, how would you go about tracking and understanding it? especially when there's an excess of unusual vocab and concepts to be unraveled.

many thanks.

Unraveling Dogma

That’s up to you. I can tell you how we went about it, and if any of it sounds familiar we can talk again.

We’ve found a lot of good in unraveling our group’s ideology and what each alter was taught. It’s been smoother with the higher ups; not everything they learned was bad, but they couldn’t change anything until they understood what the different pieces meant to them.

They listed the principles, picked them apart, and put something together that was safer. It took a while, several cycles of picking and assembling, but a good few have come up with a healthy practice.

Part of the time spent in the spiral will be learning more about the heftier concepts— you can probably find a few fundamental beliefs and work out from there. It’s a spiral because you’re moving in more than just the same circle, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You’re probably going to find conflicts in what you experienced versus what they claimed they were doing. Groups tend to work like that, and even abusive groups with abusive doctrine stray every so often. There’ll be times when people placed power over procedure, especially if it’s an offshoot of a nonabusive practice.

There were likely tricks to convince you the group or an authority was all-powerful or capable of defying the laws of physics. Even if you believe in some of what you were taught, you don’t have to believe they did it (talking with deities, for example).

Expect pushback from alters who were conditioned with all of it. Showing them new points to empower themselves where power was taken can help. Higher ups are often told they’re special or suffering for a cause; they might have to break down where they find meaning, but they can also build it back up.

The plain logistics with vocabulary and layers we did with charts and drawings. Every time we found a hierarchy, we drew it out separately. Every new word gets added to a list and a web connecting it to similar concepts.

Pull it apart and lay it out so you can see it, even if not all at the same time. We make books for our internal archive so others can learn without fronting, but that’s different for everyone too.

Researching other religions, starting with those entwined with that one, helps trace the origins of each bit. There’s a chance of finding other means of worship if you can trace the root

Our group was primarily dualist Christian, heavy belief in both God and Satan. Converts brought their previous culture with them, including some religious ties. The leaders prioritized power and balance, and thought their best bet was to trace those beliefs as far back as they could.

The end result was a convoluted and twisty belief system that sometimes contradicted itself. We learned about Crowley and sex magic and the Assyrian gods who used temple prostitution, and from that alone we got two of our higher ups participating in alternative methods.

You might be chasing word etymology and ceremonial history for a while. Ultimately, it’s good to have a better understanding of other beliefs. It might be too difficult to get into what your group had, but there is still benefit to exploring similar ideas and other options.

Grocery store school supplies are your friends. Get some 50 cent notebooks and pencils, get into it when you have a few hours free. It’s interesting if you can connect to it, and you can. Take notes on anything even vaguely relevant.

I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s hard. Sometimes you might end up learning a language to read old poems or counting in base 60 to understand numerology. It’s up to you whether it’s worthwhile for your system.

I do recommend it, though. With breaks and vacations where you hide the notebooks and do leisure activities only for a week. You get a lot of new information, even if it doesn’t relate back how you hoped. I cannot overemphasize the breaks, though.

Treat yourself and your system members well. Maybe pretend you’re an anthropologist. I believe you can do it, or I believe you can make the informed decision not to. Good luck.

[despite-everything-im-not-here]

Opinion on FINAGLC

i assume you are talking about Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach. correct me if i am wrong.

opinion under the cut.

it has been a while since i last read it, but i have read it three times in the past. each time, i was struck with how much papyrus’ story resonated with me. it was such a heart-wrenchingly real depiction of someone going through that kind of abuse, and there were moments where i saw myself in him. this fic helped me start to recognize the ways i was being abused. and for that, i am grateful.

that being said, i absolutely despise this fic for its portrayal of flowey. others have said it better, but this author seems to misunderstand flowey on a fundamental level. in this fic, flowey is portrayed as an emotionless husk who is cruel and sadistic for the sake of it and cannot be changed because he is incapable of real emotion or caring about others in any meaningful way, so it’s in his nature. apparently. besides being yet another iteration of a deeply ableist trope, this portrayal of flowey completely contradicts what he is actually like in the game.

firstly, flowey is not cruel ‘by nature’. he CHOSE to be cruel when he didn’t have to. and he was never cruel for the sake of it. he did awful things to stave off unbearable boredom and sate his curiosity. i do not say this to ‘justify’ his actions. quite the opposite. if flowey really was cruel and sadistic because of his ‘nature’, something he CANNOT CONTROL, how could he possibly be responsible for his actions? he made the CHOICE to torture and kill people COMPLETELY of his own volition, and he is not proud of his actions. he’s so ashamed of himself that he condemns himself to the fate of staying alone in the underground for the rest of his life, tending to his lost sibling’s grave.

secondly, flowey isn’t emotionless either. in fact, he is the MOST emotional character in undertale. he even cries on screen at least three times, which is more than any other character (asgore cries twice and napstablook only once). he seems to deal with emotional numbness, but he never says that he can’t feel anything AT ALL, just that he can’t feel anything FOR ANYONE. he also says that he can’t truly care about anyone, but he has been proven to care about others many times (ie; the true route when he begs ‘chara’ not to reset and to let everyone live their lives, the times he took care of toriel, the fact he never has anything bad to say about papyrus, his secret admiration for sans). it’s not that he doesn’t care about anyone, it’s just that he conflates not feeling love and empathy for someone with not truly caring about them.

lastly, but not leastly, flowey IS asriel. i don’t really feel like explaining why right now, so for now i’ll just let this post do it for me.

another thing that really bothers me about this fic is that it’s just not a good or accurate rendition of papyrus and flowey’s relationship. in undertale, flowey seems to think very highly of papyrus and i think a lot of it has to do with his of unwavering belief that everyone can choose to do the right thing and make a change for the better. because it challenges his beliefs that the world is kill or be killed and that he is beyond redemption. papyrus challenges him to think critically about how he views the world and himself.

they have a lot in common too. they both put up a front all the time, they both feel like no one really understands them, they’re both painfully lonely, they both have a sibling they would do anything for. i think because they had so much in common, flowey felt closer to papyrus than anyone since chara was alive.

i think what finally made flowey go from considering papyrus as his friend to considering him as just another character was when he realized that he was getting predictable and boring just like everyone else. his words of encouragement and admonishment started to ring hollow. it became just lines of dialogue to him. i think that flowey thinking of the world as a game is his way of coping with derealization rather than just plain disregard for the people who live in it. it gives him a sense of control and comfort.

but i digress. all this to say that papyrus is really important to flowey and the significance of their friendship cannot be understated.

in this fic however, papyrus is flowey’s favorite because he just can’t quite figure out what makes him tick. he is oh so fascinated by his staunch pacifism because it makes no sense to him. he wants to figure out what would break his will and get him to murder. he has no real respect or admiration for papyrus. he just sees him as a toy.

in conclusion, Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach, while a moving story and an excellent depiction of the effects that extreme abuse can have on someone, is also an abominable portrayal of flowey and his relationship with papyrus.

verdict: i really don’t like this fic and i never want to read it again.

[ineffablydestroyed]

Look I hope they don’t forgive each other immediately but I do hope they forgive each other mutually, not because it’s the easiest thing to do, but because they’ve talked about it and now have an actual understanding.

I keep seeing posts about one of them crawling back to the other, whether it be Crowley once again because he’s always come back for Aziraphale in the past, or Aziraphale doing it for the first time, realizing he’s made a mistake, (which might be necessary to a certain extent this time). But I hope that’s not the majority of how it goes because I feel like it would be a missed opportunity to showcase how their relationship dynamic going forward has now changed. (And for the better.)

They parted for a reason. It couldn’t have happened any other way. Aziraphale has this resolve about helping; he couldn’t have let things lie in Heaven without thinking about what ifs for the rest of eternity. And Crowley himself is pragmatic, even if he’s also radical. Everything he’s done against their systems of oppression has been partially out of spite and a good old middle finger to the man, but mostly it’s been to preserve and protect what he has/his own, not to change the systems themselves.

He knows that the systems are inherently flawed. He calls Heaven toxic; Crowley is the understander of Heaven and Hell’s systemic infrastructure. But that also means he’s constantly been taking only what he can get. He’s an optimist but he’s a realistic optimist. He has to believe the universe is looking out for him but just because he has to believe it’s looking out for him does not mean that he has to extend that belief down to the root issues. As far as I’ve been able to observe, Crowley’s optimism (in the show at least), surrounds Aziraphale, and the little things in Crowley’s life.

Crowley lives through the casual stress of existence under the system with the air of: “Will Heaven and/or Hell notice a, b, or c? Eh it’ll probably be fine. Let’s hope and move on.” “Will Aziraphale listen and go along? You can only try can’t you? What’s the harm?”

It couldn’t have happened any other way. Aziraphale has resolve to make change, and Crowley needs to see that this resolve is worth it, and he needs to see that this resolve is the protection and preservation of his own—not the protection and preservation of it in its current state, perpetually, forever, but a protection and preservation of its future, and something better, and the opportunity to be anything it wants, including what it already is.

Crowley wants Aziraphale to be free in the same way he feels he himself is, but it’s as free as he believes they can be under the given circumstances, (and he knows that): just an Angel and a Demon going along with Heaven and Hell as much as they can. He needs to be shown by Aziraphale that they can take more, change more, do more than just watch out for each other and look over their shoulders, and then he needs to help Aziraphale take it a step further and dismantle it all.

And Aziraphale knows he can’t do it alone. He doesn’t want to go back to Heaven without Crowley. He probably isn’t even quite sure what it is he can’t do alone, just that he can’t do it without Crowley, who has always been his partner in these things (if even on a much smaller scale). He says this, if even crudely. He says “I need you.”

Aziraphale needs Crowley. Crowley needs Aziraphale. They parted to learn and progress separately, because they need each other, and now they need to reunite to learn and progress together with what they have learned alone.

This isn’t an apology dance situation; this is an “I have fundamentally misunderstood what you were saying to me” situation, and “now let’s talk and cry about it and maybe both apologize for being fools,” situation. But neither of them were wrong. And neither of them were right. And I think one of the best parts of it is that they don’t have to be wrong or right, and they shouldn’t be, because this is their chance to get those shades of grey in their relationship dynamic officially spoken for and established, and it opens up so much for them.