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romanarose · 4 months

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About a Girl: Chapter 1

Beautiful header by my beloved @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Joel Miller x Trans!Fem!Reader (Nickname, Blue)

Series Masterlist : The Last of Us Masterlist : Full Masterlist

Summary: Joel is a simple man. He goes to work, he takes care of his kindergarten age daughter, he tries to make sure Tommy doesn't die and occasionally Tess comes over. He works on Frank and Bill's farm with Tommy, Tess, and another coworker, Max. For his birthday, Tommy drags Joel out to a local grunge band's show, music he knows Joel hates. Joel is surprised to find Tess's girlfriends best friend, a girl they all call Blue because of the blue in her hair, has caught his attention.

What he doesn't know is she is trans. When he finds out, he's very confused, not because he judges her, but because he's not sure what it means for him. Does it make him gay? What does trans even mean? He's very confused. Still, despite all the confusion Joel has an open mind and he just knows that he has a lot of feelings for you and he wants to try. Joel goes on a journey of learning, not only what your trans identity means but also how to take care of himself, how to set boundaries, and learning he doesn't need carry the whole world on his shoulders.

Joel loves country, is as yeehaw as they come. Blue loves grunge, and looking as edgy as she can get by as a school teacher. Can you and Joel make it all work with the one thing that bonds them both together; flannel?

Warnings for whole fic, not chapter by chapter: 18+ ONLY!! I cannot warn against everything, but these are major themes. Joel is a lil ignorant but not out of hate. He just doesn't know. He's trying his best. There will be smut. Penetrative sex, all of the anal play, oral. There will be transphobia from other people. Addiction and alcoholism. QUICK child neglect not by Joel but I promise, Sarah is fine and is having a great time in life. Fetishization of women attracted to women by a shitty guy. Will update as needed. Again, this is adult content. Expect adult content.

Immersivity: Reader is transgender, AMAB female, reader has had gotten bottom surgery, not top, and is on hormones. reader has visible hair and a blue streak in hair, but not described. Could be braids, could be natural hair, whatever. Header is for aesthetics only. Reader is about Joel and Tommy's height. Let me know if i miss anything!

A/N: I am not a trans woman, but I am trans. I am doing my best research! If I got something wrong or accidentally say something offensive, please tell me! Same with Sarah's hair. I learned a LOT about black hair care from living with my black roommate for 2 years, and watching a lot of youtube. Again, if im incorrect or offensive, let me know and ill correct! I just want Joel to care about his daughters hair <3

TRANS LIVES MATTER! TRANS YOUTH MATTER! TRANS ELDERLY MATTER! TRANS WOMEN MATTER! TRANS MEN MATTER! NON BINARY TRANS MATTER!

It all started with Tommy, as most adventures do. Joel was certain Tommy would make sure to mention that fact during his best man speech.

“You have got to get out more. You’re making me stir crazy just watching you sit at home.”

Joel rolled his eyes, packing Sarah’s lunch. He was happy to throw in some plums, Sarah’s favorite fruit, that he got from the food pantry. Since Sarah started kindergarten and he didn’t have to pay for nearly as much childcare, things had gotten less horrifically tight financially but now he was playing catch up. Catching pneumonia last winter had drained his little savings with an ER visit. Joel desperately wanted to not rely on charity, but he also didn’t want Sarah to go without.

“How would you know, you’re never even home.” Since getting out of the army, Tommy has not adjusted well. Joel was happy to let him live in the house he built for his ex-fiance on his parents land they gifted when Sarah was born. Tommy was a help with Sarah and was good company when he wasn’t out partying.

“Hey.” Tommy looked a little offended. “I’m here plenty. Just ask Sarah.” Sarah adored her uncle.

Joel sighed. “You’re right.” He wasn’t. “But I ain’t going. I can’t afford that, and I’d like to spend my days off with Sarah.”

Tommy tossed a cosmic brownie from the box he bought into Sarah’s lunchbox. “Come oooooon. Sarah loves the babysitter, and one night out won’t traumatize her forever. I’ll pay for the sitter, I already got tickets and I’ll even cover your drinks.”

Joel would rather the money go towards Sarah’s next dental appointment, but he couldn’t tell Tommy where to spend his money, and he knew there was no saying no to his brother when he gets like this. “How many bands are playing? I ain’t sitting through three openers, Tom.”

“Just one! You’re coming!” Tommy ran out of the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time before Joel could protest. “Sarah! Guess who gets to hang out with Jessica tonight!” Joel could hear the sound of springs bouncing as Sarah cheered and called out if the bed breaks, Tommy’s fixing it.

After getting Sarah dressed, he sat her down on a chair in the kitchen and looked at the clock. “Only got time for a ponytail, baby girl.” Joel had figured out some simple hair care for thick hair he wasn’t quite equipped to work with. Before Sarah was born, he didn’t know how to do a single braid. Joel had practiced a little before Tommy had to chop off his hippie curls for the army but he still was lost in a lot of ways. 2 years ago, Joel must’ve looked particularly lost in the ethnic hair aisle with Sarah in the cart and a kind woman guided him to some hair gel, argan oil, and an edge brush, scribbling a few instructions on some scratch paper. That’s what's gotten him through this far. Joel kept thinking he needed to reach out somewhere or maybe find a book… but with what time?

Kayla, Sarah’s mom, wasn’t much help either. Kayla was mixed and absolutely inherited the polish side as far as hair, where Sarah got her late grandma’s genes. Kayla wanted to chemically straighten Sarah’s beautiful curls last year when she had her over Easter, but Joel put his foot down. When she was older, if she wanted to do whatever she wanted with her hair, braids, relaxed, wigs, she could but there was no way he was letting all those chemicals into a 4 year olds head just to make it “easier.” Joel could handle it.

She looked cute with her little puffball on the top of her head, anyway.

“TOMMY! LETS GO!” Why was Tommy harder to get out the door than Sarah was?

Little hands tugged at his shirt. “Daddy I want coffee.”

“No baby”

“Why?”

“It’s not good for little kids.”

“Uncle Tommy lets me have coffee.”

Joel sighed loudly. “Of course he did. Well, Sarah, that’s an uncle thing, I don’t know what to tell you. TOMMYYY!”

Tommy’s heavy footsteps clomped down the steps, dashing out the door. “Come one Jojo, whatcha wait’n for?”

How did little kids have so much energy in the morning? Tommy included. Sarah was chatty as ever on her way, talking excitedly about the eggs in the classroom's incubator. He tried to pay attention, he really did, but he was busy trying to figure out what bills he still owes. It was only September, one month into not having to pay out the ass for Sarah’s daycare. Was he even gonna be able to catch up at all before the summer comes? Her mom said she wanted to take her for the summer, but she was single right now and slightly more involved. When she finds a new man, she suddenly becomes much less interested in her child. Joel didn’t want Sarah around strange men all the time either.

“Daddy? Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?”

Tommy nudged Joel, calling him name for Sarah’s attention.

“What?” Joel said, not unkindly but perhaps a little too harsh than he wanted to speak around his daughter.

“Happy birthday daddy.”

Joel closed his eyes briefly, wincing at his prior tone. “Thank you baby. I’ll bring home a cake, how about that.” He felt like he could cry, snapping at his sweet girl for trying to wish him happy birthday. He was so bad at this.

Both children in the car cheered.

Joel dropped Sarah off with several kisses on her forehead, then ran off to the truck. He might just be on time if he speeds a bit. He didn’t speed with Sarah in the truck, he was less careful with Tommy.

“Just in time!” Tess’s voice greeted them in the farm house. “You guys eat?”

She knew the answer. Sarah’s kindergarten had a free breakfast program, leaving Joel and Tommy on their own and god knows they didn’t take proper care of themselves. Luckily, they had great bosses.

Joel, Tommy, and Tess all worked for Bill and Frank on their farm. Joel had stumbled on this job shortly after Kayla left and God, what a blessing. Bill and Frank had trouble finding help being the only gay farmers on the planet to felt like, but Joel wasn’t really in a position to deny a good paying job, not in this economy, not with a baby who barely had a mom around anymore. This was before Tommy came back from the army, and Joel’s parents dead a few years prior. He was alone.

That’s where he met Tess. She was something else. A woman working as a farm hand alone was surprising enough, but she was the first openly bisexual person Joel had met. Hell, she was the only the third gay person he knew of and the first woman. He’d lived a sheltered life. Still, Joel didn’t really see an issue with none of it. Wasn’t his business what two grown adults did, that was his thought on the matter. Not that he really had enough time to have thoughts on much of anything other than keeping Sarah and Tommy alive. When Tommy came back, he started working on the farm too.

Tess slid the men some pancakes, stating she knew it and went ahead and made extra.

Frank entered the room with something in his hand. “Wait!” He placed the item, which Joel saw was a candle on the the pancake.

“Oh, no, you guys don’t gotta-”

“Shut the hell up, Miller.” Bill entered the room with a pack of cigarettes in one hand and a lighter in the other. He lit the candle, and then a cigarette.

Frank took it out of his hand, putting it out under the sink. “If you absolutely must smoke, you’re not smoking inside our home.” He then turned back to Joel. “Happy birthday, Joel.” The forth employee, Max, enters the farmhouse and then embarrassingly, Franks leads everyone (except Bill) in a very shitty rendition of happy birthday.

“Hey,” Tess nudged Joel as she attempted to fix the clutch without calling Bill up. “You coming tonight?”

Joel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Tommy convinced me. He also told Sarah it’s my birthday so now I gotta bring home cake and do a bit of the birthday thing with her. I was hoping to avoid it another year.”

She laughed at that. “Ah come on! It can’t be that bad.”

“She’s not, it’s my birthday that is.”

“I know.” Tess patted his back.

Joel and her worked in silence for a moment, but he figured this was as good a time as any. “Hey uh… so. You and Tommy.”

Tess smirked, but didn’t look at him. “What about my dear friend?”

“Well uh, that’s just it…” Joel cleared his troat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just, you guys been spending a lot of time together, and I’m just… well you know he’s at tough spot right now…-”

“When isn’t he?”

“Right. Well. I’m just wondering… Well.”

With a chuckle, she put down the wrench and turned to look at Joel with a smile. “You’re wondering if Tommy and I are an item.”

Cringing hard enough his eyes were closed, Joel nods.

“Don’t worry about your baby brother, he can handle himself.”

“Can he?”

“Joel. Look at me.”

Joel forced his eyes open.

“Tommy and I fuck sometimes to blow off steam, don’t act you’re much different.”

“It was one time!”

“It was 4 times, glad to know that I’m that forgettable.” Tess continued with her teasing before Joel could protest. “Listen, I know you’re worried about him, but Tommy and I aren’t interested in dating each other. It’s just for fun sometimes. Tommy puts up a tough front but I’d eat that boy alive.”

Finally, Joel laughed. Yes, she would.

Tess went back to work. “Besides, you’re meeting my new girlfriend tonight, birthday boy.”

Joel was exhausted, washing his hands and forearms and face before leaving to get Sarah. He tried to stay as clean as possible for Sarah. She didn’t need to know how hard he worked for her.

“Hey Joel, I get to watch Sarah this fall don’t I?” Frank asked as he sauntered into the kitchen.

Joel tried to protest, as he did every year, but it was merely a formality to be polite. He couldn’t afford childcare in the late hours it took to get harvest done. Hopefully it wouldn’t be so bad now that Max was hired on, he didn’t see Sarah hardly at all harvest. Joel would come back to the farmhouse to find Sarah asleep on the couch with Frank, who was no help with farming. He handled the finances and paperwork, and functioned as a babysitter in pinches. Joel was forever indebted to the couple, inclduding Bill despite his facade of toughness.

“Nonsense Joel. I look forward to seeing her every time.” Sarah fucking loved Frank. He was teaching her painting and how to have a proper tea party, real tea and all. But with a lot of sugar.

Speaking earnestly, Joel tried to express his appreciation. “Thanks, Frank. I appreciate it. I couldn’t do this without you.”

Frank clapped Joel on the shoulders, sliding him a card. “Thank you for everything you do. We really value you. I know Bill doesn’t say it much, or at all, but we appreciate you here.” He walked off, knowing Joel would protest the $500 cash inside the card.

“Daddy! Daddy! I made a friend!” Sarah exclaimed excitedly, running up to her father still covered in her paint smock that quickly transferred the red and blue onto Joel’s jeans.

“Is that so? Who is it?”

Sarah pointed to a little brunette girl sitting in time out. “That’s Ellie! She’s in trouble because she pretended a block was a gun.”

“Oh.”

At home, Joel went through the evening routine with Sarah, Tommy having gone with Tess to pre-game. He fed her as much of the macaroni she’d eat, bathed her and made sure to make things as easy for the sitter as possible. When Jessica came over, a nice local teenager that was great with Sarah, he briefed her as he tried to clean up the kitchen.

“Daddy? Where’s the cake.”

Goddammit of course he forgot something. He just can’t do anything right, can he? He was a shitty dad, a shitty brother, a shitty boyfriend, a needy employee-

“Where's the birthday boy!” Tommy burst in, followed by a group of people, some he knew, some he didn’t. With him was Tess carrying a cake.

“TESS!!!!!!” Sarah shouted, but went more for the cake she carried.

“Hiya, love bug!” She patted her ponytail. “Ready to sing happy birthday at the top of your lungs?”

Hadn’t she had enough happy birthdays? She must’ve known he’d forget the cake. They hadn’t been pregaming at all, they were making him a cake.

Tess hands the cake to Tommy, then gestures to the women next to her. Dark skinned, tall, her hair in… locks? Were those called locks? He was cooked. He needs to learn hair. “This is Talia, my girlfriend.”

Talia smiled brightly, extended a hand which Joel shook. “So nice to meet you, Mr. Miller. Tess talks a lot about you Tommy and Max, it’s nice to put faces to the names.”

“Please, Joel is fine. I may ache like an old man, but I’m not one yet.” Joel joked with a soft but tired smile. He turned to tess. “Max coming?”

“Yup.” She shot him a look to be nice. Joel wasn’t fond of max. Good worker, shit head of a person. Joel knew he couldn’t really blame all Tommy’s shit on bad influences, but Max didn’t help. “And this,” She gestured over to another woman who he had just been too flustered to notice until now. “Is Talia’s best friend.”

You were absolutely fucking stunning, unlike anyting he’d ever seen in his life. Tight white tank top, tight leather pants and a leather jacket. In your hair was a streak of vibrant blue. Your eyes connected with his and for a moment, he forgot about all the other people in the room.

“Oh, um, hello,” Joel shook your hand when he snapped out of it, repeating your name.

You smile at him. “Actually, most people just call me Blue.”

A small voice from Joel’s hip. “Is that because of your hair? Why is it blue? Are you sick?”

“Sarah! Don’t be rude.”

Chuckling brightly, you promise it’s okay and crouch down to Sarah’s eye level. “I’m not sick. I actually dye it like that.”

“But why?”

Internally, Joel groaned, thinking you’d take offense at the line of questions Sarah’s certainly had ready, but you just answered. “Well, I think it makes me look pretty, just you’re cute hair style makes you look pretty.”

Sarah lit up at that. “My daddy did it!!!”

“He did? That’s so awesome! You have such a nice daddy.”

Sarah nodded in avid agreement. “He’s the BEST!”

Joel couldn’t help smiling at that. He always felt like he was failing her, but she loved him regardless. “I can’t do a lot, but I’m trying to learn. I can do a mean ponytail.” Joel caught Tommy smirking at him.

Once the babysitter took Sarah to wash up for cake, Talia quietly spoke to Joel, still attached to Tess's arm. “Tess told me her mom isn’t really involved. I’d love to help you learn how to care for black hair.”

Joel felt his heart drop. “Oh shit, does it look terrible? I really tried but I don’t even know where to go and-”

Talia cut him off with a laugh and a hand up. “No, not at all! It looks very healthy. I just mean if you’d like to learn how to do more, especially as it gets longer.”

Always embarrassed to ask for help, he always swallowed his pride for Sarah. “Yeah, yeah actually I’d really like that… I’ll play yuh, don’t worry I wouldn’t make you do it for free-”

She attempted to say he didn’t need to pay, but Tess told her it was useless to try and fight. Joel figured the bonus from Bill and Frank could pay for Sarah’s dentist cleaning and the rest he could pay Talia.

After a terrible happy birthday and saying goodbye to Sarah longer than really necessary, Joel was dragged out of the house to go to some shitty local grunge bands show for his birthday.

Joel fucking hated his birthday.

Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! I can't beleive people actually wanted to read this!!! We need more trans rep in this fandom <3

First chapter setting things up, then one chapter per week for 6 weeks for my Oscar/Pedro pride event!!! each chapter 2-7 will follow themes of the week until the happy end <3

MEET THE OC'S

Talia Monroe

Tess's girlfriend, Blue's bestfriend. Talia is joyfriend and high energy. She offers to help Joel learn black hair to properly care for Sarah.

Max Waltz

Works on the farm with Joel, Tommy, and Tess. Tommy likes him, Joel hates him, Tess ears towards liking him but tries to keep him in check. Max is a generally barzen man, hates his wife, is loud and annoying to Joel.

Kayla Carter

*no face claim right now*

Joel's high school sweetheart and ex-fiance, Sarah's mom. Kayla is in an out of sarah's life, lives out of town and is only around when its convinient, leaving Joel with alone.

I don't do tag lists for one shots but I do still for series so

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KISSES

Please remeber to reblog or comment or engage in some way <3 community keeps us all writing and drawing

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @ashleyfilm @bumblepony @snnyc @casa-boiardi @del-ightfulling @joelsoftie

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no-song-so-sweet · 4 months

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I want to talk about Harry Potter.

Well. Sort of. I want to talk about Harry Potter in a roundabout way, in that, I want to talk about the reaction my friend group had when shit started really going down with That Bitch Rowling.

Because Rowling is a horrible person. She’s a TERF, a denier of Nazi Crimes, homophobic, anti-Semitic, the list goes on and on (and most recently, has been attacking a trans soccer manager, if my dash is to be believed? Somehow, she just seems more cartoonishly evil with each passing day). But this isn’t about That Bitch Rowling, not really. Or if it is, she’s merely a footnote in the story.

Harry Potter was, and I think this is true for many of us, a large part of my childhood. While the writing may be mediocre at best, it was wildly influential. I didn’t know a single kid that wasn’t hoping for a letter to Hogwarts. It was a Big Deal for a lot of people, and that included my friend group. My friend group, which is made up of members of the LGBTQ+ community. My friend group, which includes a young lady who we didn’t always know was a lady. I’m sure you can see where this might be going.

The day I got a tear filled phone call about That Bitch Rowling was, frankly, heartbreaking. She was mad because a woman she had respected up until now didn’t respect her. She wanted to get rid of her copies of the books, but didn’t want to donate them. I never want to hear her cry like that again. So I made a decision.

I told her to hold onto her books for just a little while longer. I phoned the group. I figured out when everyone could get together for a weekend, and when I had hammered out dates, I packed up my car, and drove the six hundred miles back to my childhood home.

In the passenger’s seat, was my set of Harry Potter books.

Excluding my trans friend, there were seven of us. I had made a plan, and my father had the space to enact it - I grew up on acres of land; complete with 200 year old oak tree, creek in the woods in the backyard, and a massive fire pit.

Nostalgia and youth, I find, paint everything with a rose tinted hue; if Rowling had just kept her mouth shut, I’m sure many of us would have looked back on the Harry Potter series with some amount of shame. But I don’t think it would have suffered the sort of fall from grace that led us to this point.

The fire pit is important for several reasons. For example, it had been the popular gathering place for my friend group of literal decades at this point. Small towns mean that you know everyone from a very early age. We lived right beside the woods, so we used the fire pit to burn the leaves, and the branches storms took down, of which there were many. And when the first six of my friends rolled down the half mile driveway that day, I had already collect enough wood to get a decent fire going.

Six of my friends. We told the seventh a later time. We wanted to be prepared, and anyway, we all had the same cargo (six sets of seven books joined mine on a rickety folding table). I put them to work collecting more firewood (is it really a good bonfire if you’re not risking setting the barn on fire?).

By the time our last member rolled up, I had a fire going.

She had her set of those damn books too.

(There is a visceral grief that comes from being let down by your childhood heroes, and I fully believe that That Bitch Rowling embodies the phrase “never meet your heroes,” because folks, as a general rule, I am not a fan of burning books. But I was prepared to make an exception.)

We burned our copies of the Harry Potter books that day, all eight of us. They were well read, beaten to hell and back, with cracked spines, and dents in corners, and pieces of the pages missing where we had bent down the corners one too many times. And I won’t lie to anyone. We cried. Tears of sorrow and rage, for the piece of our childhood that we were choosing to give up, because to keep it would be to disrespect the woman we had known and loved for longer than we’d ever had those books.

Letting go sucked. But it was the right thing to do.

When they were gone, we put out the fire, went inside, and built the pillow fort of our dreams. We marathoned Star Wars, and ordered too many pizzas, and had way too much soda. We fell asleep playing Risk, because that’s what our friend choose, and in the morning, I made waffles with chocolate chips and too much maple syrup.

I wanted to talk about this, not just because this is a fond memory for me (even though it is), but because one of my coworkers confessed to me that they hated Rowling, and everything she stood for, and they refused to have anything else to do with the Harry Potter franchise, but they just couldn’t bring themselves to get rid of the books.

I said I was happy to host another book burning.

But I wanted to write this down because I know that sometimes it’s hard to take that final step, to leave behind that last thing. So for anyone who needs to hear it, it’s okay to grieve the things we loose when we grow up. Letting go can be hard, but I promise you’ll end up better off. It’s been awhile since things really went downhill, but I maintain that, in this case, death of the author is nonexistent, and it is better to have loved and then lost, than to hold on too tight.

Don’t hurt yourself on the shattered remains of your childhood magic.

#fuck jkr #anti jkr #screw jkr #jk rowling #harry potter #book burning #please don’t hurt yourself on the shattered remains of your childhood magic #i know it used to be huge #i know it practically defined the childhhod of so many people here #and i know that even though you know she’s terrible #it can still be difficult to give that up #this is me telling you it’s okay #this is me telling you that letting go #while difficult #is healthy #this is me telling you to not be upset with yourself for grieving the things she forced us to loose #terfs dni #jkr stans dni

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genderqueerdykes · 1 year

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if you are aromantic and are struggling to find a place in your own community, you're not alone and i have so much respect for you and your situation.

i came out as aromantic in 2015, it was one of the first queer identities i came out with besides being trans. at the time i didn't have a label for my sexuality, but aromantic called to me and felt like something that i had been missing my whole life. i decided to come out, there were mixed results at the time, mostly a sort of "meh that's not really queer but ok," kind of reaction, despite having friends at the time who identified as asexual.

i always been made to feel "broken" for most of my life for not experiencing romantic attraction in the conventional sense because i was told that i was an "emotional brick wall," "insensitive," "rude" and "uncaring" for not being able to get into romantic fiction like my best friend could. she would get so angry at me for not understanding her feelings -

- but whenever I get angry when people can't understand my feelings, it's a problem. whenever arospec people get frustrated when folks can't understand us, it's viewed as deserved or like we should just roll over and deal with it because society tells you it's "normal" to behave this way. being aromantic often times means being gaslit out of your own experience.

i beg to ask you, in a society where you are expected to have a loving partner from virtually the moment you hit adulthood- how is the lack of these feelings, or participating and engaging in these relationships in a way that defies this norm not queer behavior? my lack of romance has always stood out and made a difference in my relationships, even in my platonic ones. i have been told numerous times that something is "wrong" with me or that i'm "being immature" for not enjoying romantic contact and being repulsed by romantic content in media.

if you are aromantic, you are queer, and there is nothing "wrong" with you. if you are greyromantic, arospec, aroflux, cupioromantic, or any other identity on the arospec, i respect you and your situation and your struggle so much. i hope in time we are better understood and our struggles to be accepted lessen. i hope in time it will be easier to talk about our identities and experiences.

#aromantic #aromanticism #aro #arospec #greyromantic #greyro #aspec #cupioromantic #nebularomantic #aegoromantic #aroflux #our writing

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wordy-little-witch · 5 months

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Random thoughts here, gonna add stuff for trigger warnings

Tw being trans pregnancy, I guess could he considered mpreg? Buggy identifies more masc but is AFAB. Nothing necessarily explicit

I just. Mm. Babies. Baby fever, lowkey. Can't have kids of my own, but I can day dream about my blorbos.

Buggy is trans, he's on T, but surgeries are wonky at best, uninteresting and frankly a liability. He'd be down for a good deal of time, something he isn't all too crazy about. When the dysphoria gets bad, he just chop-chops his chest and uses a packer ((his packer being, of course, a drawstring back of muggy balls, and opportunities for Many Jokes)).

Due to an event in his youth, pre Devil Fruit, he was told he's likely infertile ((Got stabbed a few times and a good chunk of his reproductive system is more scar tissue than actual organ tissue)). Between that, the difficulty for conception when a parent has a Devil Fruit, and his testosterone, he's decently certain it's not an option.

Of course, Buggy D Clown, the genius jester and Flashy Fool of the Seas, is a living embodiment of doing the impossible.

It starts with a sudden nausea when he smells his usual drink of choice. Alcohol was once something he adored, maybe in a little excess, but he was a pirate and pirates party. It's a given. Shanks' alcoholism was born from their shared past, and Buggy wasn't all too different on that front.

But suddenly, during lunch, when he went to take a sip of his rum, he caught a whiff of it and had to lean back and force down a gag. He exchanged it for a water, something not TOO unusual, as sometimes he'd have things he wanted to work on with a clear head, like in his workshop. Nobody really batted an eye.

Then he declined it at dinner. Then the next day. Then he was eying Crocodile's plate and his extra tomatoes, something he NEVER does, given his general dislike of the fruit. But now...? Mm.... it looks.. really good...........

Crocodile, thinking this is an opportunity to tease the other, offers a bite, expecting a dramatic recoil and complaint. But Buggy just absolutely beams at him, takes the bite, and damn near swoons. The logia user glances over to the swordsman, both uncertain but willing to roll with it. Not too big of a deal.

Then suddenly Buggy is more emotional than usual, something nobody was expecting. He's usually pretty expressive, all of his emotional responses keyed up to at least eleven. It's only noticed as off because he's crying a lot more, and hiding it far less. He happy cries, sad cries, angry cries. And it's like a switch is flipped. Something will happen and the clown is suddenly bawling. The first few times it happens with the crew, they all panic, but it's happy tears, infectious ones at that and so the men wind up crying too, offering embraces and spinning hugs of emotional care.

Crocodile and Mihawk share Looks.

Then Buggy is getting sick. Like. Throwing up almost every meal time, sick. The only things he can keep down are water, orange juice, and toast with honey or applesauce.

The two dark haired men finally put their foot down and demand the other go to a doctor. They expect a fight, expect tears or anger or yelling or something, but Buggy just nods, blinking slowly from his place curled into Mihawk's side, in one of Crocodile's shirts. He seems exhausted, shadows under his eyes from the newly worsened insomnia.

His easy acquiescence alarms them the most.

The next day, Buggy is seen, and there's a few tests and observations done, culminating into the doctor pursing her lips and ordering a urine sample.

Buggy, pale, head on Croc's chest while Mihawk toys absently with his hair, dozes off in the office while they wait on the results. An hour, and a nap, later, she returns with papers and a tentative air.

"Well... it's not a virus," she begins with. "Your hormone levels are elevated, specifically your progesterone and your chondrionic gonadotropin levels..."

Buggy stiffens, eyes wide. "I'm...?"

She sighs, smiling softly. "Congratulations, Chairman. You're in your first trimester of pregnancy, by the levels we can see here."

Buggy gapes. Crocodile is still as a statue. Mihawk had a thousand yard stare.

There is a soft sound, and suddenly Crocodile has vanished, now but a pile of sand on the floor and partially on Buggy. Mihawk looks faint himself. Buggy just glances between them numbly. "Oh."

"Mm. Quite."

Then, the world's greatest swordsman joins his logia partner in a tangle of limbs on the floor. Buggy stares for a moment. The doctor stares for a moment. Buggy flushes an angry red.

"Those motherfuckers couldn't even stay conscious long enough to get me back?!"

The doc tries to hide her laughter. "In their defense," she choked out, "they were quite worried about you and suddenly received such news. That said, I do have some smelling salts. Here..."

Buggy does not let either of them live it down, for obvious reasons, and they do have to announce it to the Guild because Buggy is now not allowed to have alcohol, can't do his typical tricks, and will need to cut back on a lot of the physical activities he does daily, let alone the topic of fighting. He's nervous about it, because it will involve both announcing a pregnancy as well as coming out. He's made damned sure his crew is inclusive for all sorts of people, regardless of love, color, age or body. But welcoming your fellow man (non gendered), is not necessarily the same as answering to a person like himself.

The reception is largely warm, though. The crew is over the moon, they don't even follow up with a "how does that happen, you're a man", they just immediately are screaming their congratulations and vows to step up and help as they can. Buggy winds up crying again, and Mihawk just wordlessly hands him a water bottle. Hydration is important, especially with all the tears.

His pregnancy is fairly typical, and the morning sickness passes fairly quickly, though the cravings get absolutely hog wild, and EVERYONE is suffering. Buggy tries not to be too needy but he can't control the responses and everyone else is hurting for him when he's so upset. He ends up absolutely obsessed with lemon-lavender ice cream, and the Guild keeps it on hand by the buckets full in the freezer.

When Buggy starts showing, Mihawk finds he has a new favorite place to nuzzle, finding the tiny little whirls of Haki within the clown's abdomen to be mesmerizing. He often finds himself cuddling in, Listening and Sensing, even talking softly to the little life growing within his lover, singing lullabies.

Crocodile near constantly has a hand or hook pressed over the growing swell. If Buggy is within arms reach, his touch is there, protective and mildly stunned. The paternity of the baby is unknown, but none of them particularly care. The baby will be theirs collectively regardless. That baby will be Crocodile's as much as it is Mihawks, as it is Buggy's. That baby is his, too. And he will protect this one ((the way he couldn't protect another, so long ago)).

Alvida, Galdino, Mohji and Cabaji are very hands on with everything. Al never wanted kids, but she is absolutely delighted to be the cool aunt, and the fella are excited to be uncles. It's Daz's quiet excitement that throws everyone for a loop. He's second only to Crocodile and Mihawk when it comes to pampering or spoiling Buggy. He still carries himself as a stoic stone faced man, but he is the one who brings the snacks, who offers a hand when Buggy gets to a size where standing is mildly more difficult, when it's time to convince the blue haired man to take it easy or rest. When asked, he will cite that he is merely doing his duties, but everyone could see when Buggy took Daz's hand and placed it on his bump when the baby was big enough to kick and haveit be felt by others. They saw the way the blade man's eyes widened, the shimmer there, the microexpression of wonder, of care, of brewing love. That baby would be safer than anyone else in the entirety of the grandline, of that nobody had a single doubt.

Shanks could not visit, but he made frequent calls and sent countless gifts, all of which made Buggy blubber like a child or rage like a harpy. Nothing was discarded, though, and in the nursery they set up is a small little bear with a red heart embroidered on the chest.

Rayleigh showing up unannounced was not anticipated. Nor was how Buggy remained blank faced despite the tears on his cheeks. The older man just smiled sadly, wiping away the tears, and handed over a small box. "Shakky and I worked together on this. It only felt right to pass this on. To new generations."

Inside is a stuffed cat, the fabric soft, yellow and worn. It was sun-bleached in some areas, little nose embroidered with red and eyes in blue. Buggy takes one look at the cat and crushes it to his chest, nearly doubled over as he let's out a heart broken keen, falling to his knees. Crocodile and Mihawk are quick to rush to his sides, but Rayleigh is closer and faster, falling down, wrapping around the other, queezing him tightly, softly, teary eyed himself.

"I know," he chokes, hugging his boy tighter, "I know, Blue, I miss him too, baby boy...."

Buggy clings to Rayleigh, holding the cat toy tenderly as he wails.

Ray stays for a few days before Buggy just tells him to pick a damned tent and hang out, damn it, his kid should get to meet at least one grandparent.

Ray doesn't cry but it is a close thing.

The pregnancy is an ordeal all across the board, from reopening wounds to general, typical difficulties, it's a wild ride start to finish and beyond.

There's more than one night of pure domesticity. One where Buggy and Mihawk are shooting baby names back and forth in the kitchen while Crocodile writes them down in the Yes, No or Maybe column. One where Croc and Mihawk are pouring over research for the baby. One where Buggy is in an oversized shirt, feet up on the tummy of a particularly big and spoiled 'wani, singing sea shanties softly as he tinkers with some harmless little trinkets, using his tummy as a table. One where Crocodile, pressed into Buggy's back, confesses to his past and breaks to pieces under dimmed lights in the clown's calloused hands to no judgement, only understanding, only compassion. Nights where Mihawk is wired so tightly by his own past that he sits upright in their bed, a sentinel of protection because he refuses to lose them the way he lost everything before.

You have to drain the infection, the bacteria, for a wound to truly heal.

It's difficult. It's painful. It's worth it.

The 9 months, the 26 hours of labor and the little bundle of life at the end was absolutely worth it.

Especially when newly named Bronwyn D. Crown ((their little Winnie)), with her midnight blue hair and pink little nose, her strawberry marks on fair skin, the curls of her locks and the shade of her lashes around sapphire eyes, is born into the world screaming her displeasure and only settles once clean, once swaddled, once brought back to her parents. She is small, smaller than expected, but every ounce of her body is the foundations of a fighter - she got her baba's temper, that much is certain.

Winnie is the apple of everyone's eye. Cute and small and bold and boasting a nose so much like Buggy's, almost everyone is taken with her. Rayleigh especially is wrapped around her finger within less than thirty minutes together. Shanks is absolutely in love even without seeing her first hand - he meets her the first time when she is two, and he cries because she threw an elephant toy at his head and cackled.

It's not easy. But by the Seas and Skies, it's absolutely worth it.

#buggy the clown #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #cross guild polycule #trans buggy #trans crocodile #fluff #i needed some dopamine so i'm just AAAAAAAA #give blorbos babies

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gods-favorite-autistic · 1 year

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Rtc headcanons

Have I talked about my trans Ocean and Mischa headcanons recently because they are and you can’t change my mind

Nobody knows Ocean is trans because she started transitioning when she was little and her parents didn’t enroll her in school until she was like 8 and managed to convince them that no the school system was not going to brainwash her

The only people who know about her are Noel and Constance

Mischa does not hide the fact that he’s trans because he knows that nobody’s gonna like. Challenge him on that fact. What are you gonna do, tell the 6 foot dude who stole wine from the church that he’s not a guy? Nah man, you just say okay and move on

Ocean finds out Noel is going to sneak out of town to go to a pride parade and makes him take the entire choir because they all wanted to go to one but Noel is the only one who has a consistently available car and can drive good

Constance gets her hair dyed rainbow

Ocean decided to get a rainbow flag, the lesbian flag, and the trans flag but she can’t keep it at her house so she asks Noel to keep it

Mischa wears a shirt that’s just the trans flag with the words “god knew I’d be too powerful with a dick”

Ricky puts a bunch of pride stickers on his wheelchair

Penny steals a sign from a protester and hits the protester with it

Noel knows sign language because Ricky taught it to him

Ocean is autistic. That’s it that’s the headcanon

Penny use to do gymnastics when she was little but got kicked out after attempting to bite a child

Ricky loves mochi ice cream and learned how to make it when he was 11

Mischa knows how to bake

Whenever Father Marcus doesn’t show up for class Noel and Ricky decide to have lessons called “sign language for dummies”

It’s annoys Noel that Ocean is the one who is the best at it but like. What did he expect

Once Ricky’s parents can afford and AAC device he immediately makes it his life mission to learn how to speak as many languages as possible

Penny plays soccer and she is mvp almost every game

Ocean swears to hate most sports because they are “barbaric” except for soccer

She’s a huge soccer fan so she goes to all of Penny’s games

Mischa and Ricky go too and at every game at some point either Ocean or Ricky climb on Mischa’s shoulders

Noel loves to draw

Constance is actually on honor roll every year

If Ocean’s grades drop below a 95 she will cry

Mischa texts Talia whenever he takes a t-shot because hates needles and needs reassurance

When Mischa starts dating Noel Ocean gets so confused

Noel almost refuses to explain the idea of polyamory to her but Mischa thinks it’s funny to watch her head explode over things she doesn’t understand

They’re both very disappointed when she just goes “oh. okay” and then walks away

Noel and Talia are the best of friends

Penny can still do a bunch of gymnastics stuff she just doesn’t do it very often

Constance asks Ocean out first actually

Ocean spends like a full day avoiding her cause at first she things she’s joking then she freaks out because she’s had a crush on her for years then she thinks that Constance will be mad it took her so long to answer and not wanna date her anymore

Eventually Noel just locks the two of them in the choir room

Constance is also the one who asks Penny to join their relationship

Penny makes origami cats for Ricky

Ricky can pop a wheelie in his wheelchair

Skater boy Mischa and Penny

On the sidelines are Ocean and Noel going “be safe babe!” and “fuck it up Misch!!!” respectively

Ricky plays so many skating games

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alluraaaa · 4 months

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transgender voltron thoughts. separated by character. voltrans thoughts

this got long so the rest is under the cut

shiro

trans man. he/him. realized it as a tween. like 11

already had the “shiro” nickname from his surname but chose takashi because it’s the name his mom planned to use. his momma was his best friend growing up so takashi is a special secret name only certain people can casually use for him <3

has a model minority complex and thinks he has to be a perfect person and a perfect role model and perfect everything else. he doesn’t think everyone needs to be like this but he does you don’t get it he needs to be perfect in order to gain basic respect

(he has anxiety) (went thru a frat boy phase tho where he let loose a little)

he’s a bear. when he started t and gained weight and started growing thicker body hair he was like “FUCK YEAH”

wanted top and bottom surgery. irl modern phalloplasty can take skin grafts from the arm and for sillies shiro did that. but on the arm he lost. can’t even show off his cool graft scar 🙄 stupid galra

him and adam are t4t. he picked the name adam because his deadname is eve and he’s the funniest ever

keith

trans man. he/him. realized at like 6

randomly walked up to his dad and said “pops i wanna be a boy” and his dad went “okay son :^)” and helped him with picking a new name and pronouns. that’s why he ended up with keith of all names

his dad planned on helping him with puberty blockers and hrt because keith said he wanted it but. he died before keith got to that age :^(

so unfortunately keith had to go thru one puberty and then another. and THEN he gets a weird galra puberty in his 20s. puberties gerog

shiro was the one to help him get access to testosterone and top surgery <3 yay trans brotherhood ^_^

keith doesn’t care about his junk enough to get bottom surgery tho. he really only got top surgery to get cool ass scars on his chest. he doesn’t give a shit about gender essentialism and isn’t afraid to stab a transphobe ❤️

pidge

trans girl. she/her. also realized when she was real young

same as keith she was just one day like “i wanna be a girl” and her parents were the same and immediately accepted her and helped her with transitioning (she had a bit more social transitioning tho because she wasn’t in the middle of bum fuck nowhere)

unlike keith tho she got to do puberty blockers and start e as a tween and stuff. good for her!

she picked the name katie but it’s not short for anything. she gets the question all the time and she always rolls her eyes

detransitioning for the garrison sucked like ass and she hated it but she did it for her family. coming out to the team was a huge weight off her shoulders

she has a love/hate relationship with femininity but i already went through all that in another post so i’m linking it here. smiles 😁

lance

bigender man/woman. she/he. realizes it while with team voltron

THEE most obvious egg ever. also very obvious bisexual but hasn’t realized that either. it’s painful to watch sometimes (send help to hunk because you know he immediately clocked lance)

he likes women so much because he’s straight!!!! and a lady’s man!!!!!!!!! he doesn’t wanna be a girl and even if he did that’s a universal unspoken secret that all boys have but agree to never talk about!!!!!!!!!!!!

once pidge comes out the rest of the team have more casual talks about being trans and lance is so tbh creature at them. hunk definitely gossips about how clear the closet is behind lance’s back #messy

lance never realizes on her own what happens is keith tells her despite hunk saying that that’s rude. he blatantly tells lance that she obviously wants to be a girl and that she can do that if she wants to. and when she says she likes being a guy keith says she can be both if she wants. she can do whatever she wants forever

after that she thinks about it for like a day and then is like “yayyyyy i’m a boy and a girl and i like boys and girls ^_^”

she has soooo much fun with femininity she plays dress up and is so pretty ❤️ she is indeed a lady’s man but also very clearly wanted to be beautiful like ladies are. and she is ladies!! yayyyyy

didn’t change her name because she loves being leandro alvarez-núñez-cuesta-espinosa so so much ❤️❤️

hunk

agender. any pronouns. realized as a teen

just fully doesn’t care about gender. obviously will respect people’s genders but like. gender as a concept is irrelevant to him and he opted out of gender. he’s too autistic for it tbh

use whatever pronouns you want. make up funny pronouns. fuck it we ball

“this is hunk bong’s my best friend i love bong so much” “lance oh my god”

hunk is a childhood nickname and only family (and lance) know his birthname. didn’t care enough to change it when coming out. he likes his name!! why change it!!

he’s a genius mechanic with access to super advanced alien technology so for funsies he invents a machine that can do instant top and/or bottom surgery with no problem. he can mess around with it for funsies or fashion or whatever. and ofc the team has free access to it as well <3 the only one to use it often tho is lance #besties

allura

trans girl. she/her. realized not long before the events of the show

the post about trans allura that inspired this whole post here

was able to use her shapeshifting powers to her transvantage (trans advantage)

her being out for not long before the war is why she was so excited that pidge is a girl. she’s a girl making friends with other girls!!!!!! and that excitement doubles when learning that pidge is earth’s equivalent of trans yayyyyy

in my mind the notion of people fitting into gender roles on altea is the same vibe as the notion of women wearing skirts not pants irl. like that’s an outdated idea but not that outdated unfortunately :^/

i don’t think there was major misogyny or transphobia on altea tho. not sure if it makes sense to anyone else but it makes sense in my mind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

coran

nonbinary. any pronouns

when allura came out she sat down with her parents and coran (honorary third parent) and talked about her feelings and thoughts on gender as a whole. coran went “oh. is that not how cis people think?”

he’s not a man or a woman but he’s not sure what he is exactly. he’s coran!

he’d make homemade hrt. may or may not have weird side effects

#some sections are shorter than others but some people’s genders are simpler than others’. and that’s okay!#txt #headcanon #team #long post #tag urself i’m hunk #except he doesn’t care about how he’s perceived/referred to. but i specifically want to be neutral. personally #atlas lore drop yayyyyy :^)

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covesdadappreciation · 1 month

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[Going through basically every step] Renee Murray x FTM Reader

Fluff

I always refer to Renee and [Name] as their current pronouns and will only refer to them as their former terms when referring to something they said when they were younger/at the age they used those terms.

Heads up, Writing this is confusing for me because the OL’s school grade system is vague for my understanding, so the timeline might be confusing or it’s just me…

[Name] and Renee.

The two most fucking oblivious people in the whole world.

Even Tamarack noticed.

Renee and [Name] have been the closest of friends since elementary school.

Sure, not at the very beginning when they met considering that [Name] was born female and only realized he was trans in High school. Renee, back in the 5th grade when she’d met [Name], wasn’t a huge fan of girls. She thought that girls were a distraction, envy covered with disinterest in anyone who identified as a girl and some internalized misogyny perchance.

It only took a couple weeks for Renee to finally get used to [Name]’s attempts in starting their friendship, and I mean it took effort. Renee’s stubborn, no doubts about it. So when they met [Name], all she could think was ‘what a dumb girl. I’m never going to be friends with her!’ and made it their mission.

Unsurprisingly, [Name] can also be stubborn with a mission.

He made origami animals, brought a handful of nature from Tamarack’s backyard, and post-it notes to put in an envelope. Then it would be safely secured in [Name]’s bag until Renee would visit her mom’s classroom or when the group would hang out to be delivered into Renee’s hands.

And for 3 weeks, this went on and on until Qiu convinced Renee to at least try being friends, which somehow worked.

[Name] took the illusory award of Renee’s friendship with pride, making sure to enjoy every aspect. [Name] had invited her to his house countless times, had figured out every single little thing that Renee enjoys or hates based on observation (because god forbid Renee ever talk about her feelings), made gifts for her, and visited her class whenever possible as the years passed on. In return, Renee gradually began to return those actions, and more. Inside jokes, getting each other food, leaning on each other both physically and emotionally, and always being protective of one another.

So imagine Renee’s horror when [Name] was starting to “haunt” her mind. [Name] was suddenly the person that Renee imagined being roomies with, wanting to hang out with him constantly, occasionally getting jealous if anyone ever tried to get as close as she and [Name] are.

“I can’t like her!” She had complained, “She’s… her.” Renee didn’t want to lose her best friend. The one person who she understood and cared for the most, more than she did for Qiu. Hell, anyone else should’ve been her crush, but [Name]? This was going to fucking hurt if this goes wrong. So Renee made a promise to herself that this growing realization was never leaving the mind palace. This is gonna be a pain.

Little did she know that [Name] was juggling those same thoughts as well… just… differently.

“They’re never going to like me! I’m going to have to explain so much. What if they don’t like me? What if my transition changes things?” [Name] doubted, “and then what? We just, what, go on dates? Or would we stay only friends? No one’s prepared me for this!”

So baby steps.

[Name] came out to Renee, Tamarack, and Qiu on bowling night that [Name] forced them on.

“I’m trans.” He states simply as he came back from a roll.

“You missed.” “Congrats!” “What?” The trio all said in a jumbled mess. [Name]’s eyes were mainly stuck on Renee’s reaction, noticing how her look turned soft. No judgment, no bitter or distant look… more so a sense of pride and ease. [Name] sat back down next to Renee while it was Qiu’s turn, getting a firm comforting side hug from Renee.

She’s the prettiest person [Name] had ever seen.

And [Name] was the most handsome person Renee had ever seen.

Two years later, on Renee’s birthday, [Name] was the last person to stay for the party. The both of them sitting on Renee’s front porch, a smoky feel to the autumn air, faint smell of cinnamon coming from the Murray household. Renee paused for a moment, opening and closing her mouth, trying to find the right words for something.

“How’d you figure out your whole… trans thing?” Renee asks softly, the words barely wanting to escape her.

“Oh- uhm” [Name] straightens his back, furrowing his brows to think.

Renee catches how sudden the question is, groaning into their hands before muttering out a quick “Sorry, sorry. You don’t have to answer- and maybe wrongly worded, I just… you’re the only one I could imagine asking this to, so…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, Renee! Let me think” [Name] reassures, looking away before explaining every thought and personal feeling that they felt safe to share with Renee. A small gut feeling in [Name] knew there was a reason she had asked, but he knew it wasn’t his place to prod. Even if there was a cautious approach to her voice that probably said it all in hindsight. All [Name] knew was that he had to give her space and a chance to open up if necessary.

“--So yeah. That’s when I decided I had to tell you guys.” [Name] shrugged, looking back at Renee.

A small moment of silence followed afterwards, uncertainty painting Renee’s face. It almost made [Name] wonder if he said something wrong until he felt Renee place her head on his shoulder.

“...Thank you for telling me” she exhaled sharply, her upper body going slightly limp as to try and relax herself.

Renee was the kindest soul that [Name] had ever met.

And [Name] was the most patient boy Renee had ever met.

Once in their 20s, high school over with and their futures now fully in their own hands, the dating rumors were finally over with. Sure, Qiu and Tamarack were the main instigators, but it was surely not because they saw something that Renee and [Name] refused to see!

So what if Renee finally came out and the first person they told was [Name] and they both went out to celebrate at the diner? So what if Renee and [Name] were making plans to room together in an apartment? So what if [Name] bakes sweets for Renee, and Renee cooks for [Name]? And what if Renee and [Name] are each other’s closest “oh-so-definitely platonic soulmates”?

It isn’t like Renee had told Qiu about her crush, nor did [Name] tell Tamarack…

Definitely not.

No.

Never.

It’s not like Qiu and Tamarack connected the dots in middle school and have tried everything in their power to get the two of them to finally just get together.

—

“You have to tell her” Tamarack huffed, messaging her forehead, “She totally likes you!”

“It’s going to eat me alive if she rejects me! What if we stop being friends?” [Name] whined.

“What if you guys end up getting together and having the most loving relationship for the rest of your lives?” Tamarack exclaimed.

—

“How would I even start? Just go up and say ‘I’ve had a crush on you since we were in middle school! Surprise!’” Renee ran a hand through her hair and tugged lightly,

“Yes!” Qiu yelled out, “That’s almost perfect!”

—

“I can’t fuck this up, Tammy” [Name] sighed

“Then don’t. Go up to her.”

—

Imagine me this. It’s a Sunday night in Golden Grove’s park after dinner at a restaurant. Two people with one single goal in mind. Confess their fucking hearts out. Both of them unusually dressed up more formal than normal, fidgeting hands, nervous glances and laughter, but the comfortableness between two people who have known each other for years makes it bearable.

These love dorks were [Name] and Renee.

The only ones sitting on a bench, sitting in odd positions but deeming it comfortable somehow, (though it may be the reason they have back problems) and on the verge of exploding over how terrifying and exciting this is.

“Renee-” “[Name]” They start

“Shit, sorry. Go ahead” [Name] bowed his head slightly. Renee cleared her throat, “Right, so… I think that you should know that I think your presence is great.”

“That’s good to know” [Name] chuckles,

“...Would you say you feel about the same?”

“I would die for you” [Name] states seriously at first, blank face before smiling to make sure that it was a lighthearted comment (but he probably would,) “But yeah, of course I enjoy your presence. We’ve been partners in crime for… basically our entire lives”

“Right right-”

“And you know, we might as well be together for the rest of our lives because we’re gonna live together, and I like you, and if you like me too we could get better tax returns if we ever got married–” [Name] began to ramble.

“What?” Renee raised a brow.

“I mean- maybe you don’t like me! We could still get married to get those tax returns- or not get married at all!” [Name] panics throughout the confession, “And by me liking you isn’t because of the tax returns! I really do just like you, I have for years, like middle school or highschool, but I didn’t want to scare you away and have to make all those origami animals all over again! Fuck, this is not how I wanted this to go–”

[Name] hides his face into his hands for a moment, groaning in disbelief towards himself, “I like you. That’s what I was trying to get at. I made it a lot more difficult than needed”

“I saw that” Renee giggled, flicking [Name]’s shoulder, “That may have been the most dorkiest or worst confession I have ever heard in my entire life, I’m still debating.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” [Name] was interrupted.

“Now I’m not saying I don’t like you, [Last Name]. I’m just saying that your confession was out of this world. Not that I was going to do better than that either, but you know,” Renee shrugs, “I like you. I have for years now too…”

[Name] finally gains the courage to lift his eyes up to look at Renee, “Seriously?”

“Very seriously. You’re very important to me, [Name]. The most handsome man I’ve ever met, the boy I grew to love, someone I didn’t think I’d love or wait this long for, but you made every second worth it.” Renee gives a small smile, breathing in the foggy autumn feel.

“I think we’re soulmates” [Name] says plainly, “Because no matter what would've happened, if in some alternate universe there was some kind of obstacle that tried to stop us from being together, we would’ve found a way back to each other no matter what. I know I would.” [Name] adds, placing his hand over Renee’s hand.

They both exchange a gentle look, Renee’s fingers play with [Name]’s rings, intertwining their hands together. They lean in closer, and the giddy feeling of waiting after so many years practically swallows [Name] whole.

It wasn’t a shock to find that Renee was a gentle kisser, cautious to make sure that they’re both enjoying it, occasionally splitting away and coming back, as if still starving for more affection. Eyes closed, feeling their hands still together… Each other’s first kiss.

Two people that will always try to understand each other. Two people who don’t even need to try and find the beauty within one another because they see it constantly no matter what.

#our life #our life now and forever #our life oc #mc #qiu lin #oc #tamarack baumann #renee murray #Renee #olnf renee #olnf #fic #x male reader #male reader #x ftm reader #ftm reader

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st7arlight · 1 year

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meet the sims-blackwood family!! this is set post-200 in a new world where the fears are weaker and more hidden in the shadows, but quickly building strength as more avatars and artifacts are born. meet blaire and not-adam, two students in jon’s homeroom and english class!

worldbuilding and brainstorm notes under the cut :D

the student ocs i created here are

-a transfem student who straight up doesnt have a name. you can call her anything but her deadname. its a fun game the class plays. it started as a gag but jon went “yeah okay ive seen weirder and kids deserve a chance to explore” so he comes up with a different name every day during roll call. shes v chaotic and inspired (personality wise, not funky name lore) by an irl friend of mine

-the student she has a crush on and is best friends with, an AP art student who uses they/she pronouns

they both eat lunch in Jon’s classroom, where they eventually notice that he never really eats much? just. reads a book in his free time, maybe has cereal bars occasionally

they form really close bonds with jon and he sponsors their lgbt club,,,, the second student realizes she’s agender when hes explaining the ace spectrum,,,,,, they come across The Horrors that were released when jmart moved on to Somewhere Else and he saves them,,,,,,,,, after they start to understand that “something spooky is here bc of mr sims but he was a victim in it” they sneakily start categorizing what they call “The Horrors” into 9 groups and get into shenanigans. they save jon at some point

their romance follows the plot of jmart’s but jon notices student B treating student A like he did martin at the start of the year and intervenes

so theyre healthier

(maybe jmart adopt student b, as they’re in a rlly unsafe home environment and thats why they started lashing out at their buddy)

at the beginning of the year student A knows shes trans but isnt sure what name to use. her buddy suggests not-adam (as she isnt suuuper uncomfy with her deadname, just that its too masc for her) so they call her that for a good bit and it comes up occasionally until they learn about the fears and the joke kinda. sours.

jon called her anything but that. not-adam thought it was because he didnt want to deadname her (and she insisted she was cool with it and thought it was funny) but she said that he can use a name that isnt adam, just not to stick to one bc she didnt want to feel boxed in

so the joke of her being anything but adam began

!!! WHAT IF NOT ADAM HAS AN ENCOUNTER WITH A STRANGER OBJECT THAT MAKES EVERYONE UNABLE TO SEE OR REMEMBER HER??? AND (character B) IS THE ONLY ONE WHO REMEMBERS HER BUT STILL CANT SEE HER!!!! AND THIS IS HOW JON REVEALS HE KNOWS STUFF ABOUT THE SUPERNATURAL

student b breaks down only a couple days in when she realized something was deeply, truly wrong, earing lunch (seemingly) alone with jon in his classroom. she says something with “not-adam” and “nobody remembers her but me” and jon’s trauma plus eye powers helps break his illusion, even though he doesnt remember her still

WHAT IF THIS IS AROUND WHEN NOT ADAM IS STARTING TO SEE HIM AS A FATHER

he adopts her bc she still legally doesnt exist and her family doesnt remember her , and its not like jmart already have fake identities anyways. they break the curse but everyone but B and Jon are completely wiped of her memory, just can finally see her now. its a mush of stranger, spiral, and lonely bc the horrors work different here

…she eventually settles on a name because she desperately needs to be reminded that they know her, they remember her, and that they remember all of her. (jon doesnt remember *everything* still, but most. every now and then she or B references something and they pause when they realize it was another memory lost to The Horrors)

oh also jon wears combat boots bc of daisy now. unrelated but important

im realizing my plan of them adopting B is a little funky with them adopting not-adam. however, unconventional found family prevails in tma. B just stays at their house most of the time bc she is neglected a lot at home so it usually isnt noticed when she disappears. theyre both 16 so fighting for custody when they can move out so soon is deemed too much stress on the teens. not-adam’s family actually are v loving and great, they just. dont remember NA. they dont remember how to love her, that they ever did

(thats why B needed to remember her. also, the effect intended of the horror was to torture NA until she died unnoticed and she will either be remembered by everyone when her body is found or will rot unseen until shes gone. or become an avatar, if she chose to embrace it. B was an intended victim of the leitner, the fear of nobody believing you and losing someone you love feed the Horrors)

(jon and his funky eye powers are likely the only reason NA didnt die)

in the end A picks the name astrid, but jon still calls her any name he can think of that starts with A when calling her down for food n stuff

anyways jmart unofficially adopting queer teens bc found family is so themcore but i *know* the fates would never allow them to do anything conventionally or fully legal

(all of this copy-pasted from me infodumping in a tma chat in the past couple hours)

#tma #the magnus archives #magnusposting #ramblings #tma fanart #magnuspod #jonmartin #somewhere else #tma family au #my art #mine #art tag #digital art #artists on tumblr #art

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just-a-shark333 · 3 months

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Hiiii

here's a silly lil Caejose fic that i wrote at literally 2 am

Im also posting this on my Ao3 btw!! its Ace_th3_Shark

Time frame: before fighting the pillar men/during Caesar and Jojo's training period.

Words: 719

Summary:

Trans girl Joseph worrys about telling Caesar that she's a girl, Caesar assures her that he loves her no matter what.

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"Caesar?" Jojo muttered into the mentioned man's chest. The two had been laying on the small couch in Caesars room cuddling all day as they had had the day off of training due to a combination of particularly bad weather and some errands that Lisa Lisa had to run.

"Yes, caro mio?"

"I... I have a question." He hesitated, debating whether or not to go through with asking it. He'd been wanting to ask this since they started dating but if it didn't go well this could easily ruin their entire relationship.

"Ask away." He seems so calm. It makes Jojo nervous, seeing how relaxed he is, how he's about to ruin that peacefulness with the stupid question that he should just keep to himself.

But he can't anymore. it's been bothering him far too much for far too long to keep lying to Caesar any longer.

" Would you.. Would you still love me if-"

"Yes."

He responded instantly, without an ounce of hesitation. Jojo feels his heart flutter.

"What?" He repositioned himself to look at Caesar.

"Amore mio, there's not a single thing that could come out of your mouth to finish that sentence that would make me love you even an ounce less. My love for you will never stop, whether you want it to or not. I don't care if you were going to finish that with 'if I was a worm' or 'if I was a wanted serial killer' or anything in between. I'd love you no less any way and I'll say it as many times and as many different ways as I need to for you to understand. I love you, ti amo, ti amo tanto, I love you so, so fucking much."

Jojo sobs and leans back into him. fuck... he had not been expecting that in the slightest. He knew, or at least hoped that Caesar loved him but...Not that much... It was such a shame... Caesar was surely going to be taking that back in a few moments. Surely, he would realize just how wrong that statement was when he hears what Jojo had to tell him.

"I.." His words come out stuttery and shaky, broken up by the sobs still rolling out of him. "I think I'm a girl." she finally forces out; it feels nice to get it out of her system after so long of bottling it up and avoiding bringing it up every time that would convenient. It also felt like the most awful, nerve-racking thing she'd ever done in her life.

She sat there, leaning away from him ever so slightly again, waiting for him to do something. For him to yell at her, to make some rude comment, to hit her, to go on some long speech about 'womanhood' or some similar shit. She waits for him to take back what he said about loving her.

But he never does.

Instead, he gently cups her cheek and uses his thumb to wipe away her tears.

"And you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Jojo falls back onto his chest as best as she can with him still holding her head, even more sobs rip out of her. She was so sure, so, so certain that he would have some horrible reaction, not...this! Not for him to hold her even gentler than before, yet impossibly closer and tighter. Not for him to hold her and comfort her and tell her that he loves her over and over until her sobs calm down.

As her crying softens to just a few tears and some loud sniffles, she tries to speak again, "I- sorry, I just...was so sure you'd hate me.."

The look in Caesars eyes upon hearing that breaks Jojo's heart. He looks so pained to hear that she could ever even think of considering the idea that he could possibly hate her for anything.

"Oh, no, no, no, my dear Jojo- er, can I still call you that?"

"Yeah...actually, I kinda wanted that to be my name now."

"mh, a beautiful name for a beautiful girl!"

Jojo giggles a bit at that, having calmed down significantly from her initial reaction.

"Shit, I love you Caesar. You're an idiot, but you're my idiot and I love you."

And Caesar just laughs.

--end--

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the-moon-will-not-sing · 2 months

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I watched Castlevania: Nocturne and saw this "white dude with a black/BIPOC girlfriend" (Annette in this case) again I'd seen in many other shows. Why do the creators choose a female character to be BIPOC but ALWAYS keep the main character a plain white dude with, most of the time, no interesting characteristics?

Annette

It's not just that they want to add more diversity, it's just that they want to kill two rabbits with one bullet:

—Adding a female character;

—Adding a BIPOC character.

Bonus points if that character is also queer. Sometimes they make a black guy and not a female but they also make him gay.

But they would literally never make the main character a black woman, because the main character is always a white dude??

More examples of this:

Annabeth Chase.

I love the actress and she did great. But why wouldn't the creators make Percy black? Black Percy is very popular in fandom. Oh, right, because he's a male main character and we can't let him to be black, so let's make the girl black. "I mean, we should be more practical, right?? We should use our recourses right but we also want to be more inclusive. We already have a female character, there is no room for another character just to be a BIPOC so let's make HER a black character".

I don't care that Percy is a white boy in the books, Annabeth is also a white girl but why do you care about the male main character's race more about the other's?

Hermione Granger.

Same as for Annabeth, they just wanted to have at least one black character but they would NEVER cast a black person for Harry and Ron. Because these two characters are two white dude with their own chemistry.

Guinevere Pendragon.

My poor little girl, I wish she had more love from the fandom. But the truth is, the creators AND the fans are so obsessed over two white dudes that none of them give enough attention to Guinevere. There is literally "anti-gwen" stuff going on inside of fandom. And people would ship Arthur with literally every white girl (or Merlin) but never with his WIFE WHOM HE LOVES IN THE SHOW. Because she's a black woman love interes to our "precious little white male main character". They would never make Arthur or Merlin black.

Inej Ghafa.

Can't say much about her, I just started watching Shadow and Bone. But as soon as I saw that she is supposed to be a love interest to the main white male character Kaz, I rolled my eyes.

Laena Velaryon and Baela Targaryen.

Mother and daughter. Wife and betrothed. It's an interesting choice to make all the Velaryons BIPOC but it was supposed to backfire because the Targaryens would be at least partially black, too (Aenys's wife, Alyssa, was Velaryon, and it's their lineage that survived). But no, of course they wouldn't make Daemon and Jace black or BIPOC, they have to be two white dudes. The creators literally had a chance to make Jace black, because in the books his legitimacy was questioned only by "the greens" and could be just rumours. Yes, Laenor is gay, but you are telling me he had no chance, especially when Addam (in the books) was supposed to be his bastard? (Laenor is half Targaryen, unlike Corlys, and Laenor's bastard could be dragonriders).

Honorary mentions (because I'm tired):

Elle Argent.

Technically, she is a trans woman which only adds bonus points in making her character. Because our main characters are two white dudes.

Eric Effiong.

He's a gay black man, our main white character's best friend. Though, I do appreciate that he has a lot of screen time unlike most of the characters I mentioned.

Rose Weasley.

Because the main characters are two white boys and she's the only female character. (I cannot attach a photo of her because of the limits per post but you can see her with Hermione)

Starfire.

I know she's technically not a human. But the actress playing her is BIPOC. The creators have no balls to make Dick Grayson a black character.

I do not hate those characters, I love all of them. And I am a person of colour who is just tired of seeing how the creators are trying so much to include more BIPOC characters but they also try SO HARD to NOT cast for the main male character a black/BIPOC actor. Because they want to keep the main male character a white person and I have literally no idea why.

Make Percy Jackson black!! Make Merlin black!! Make Trevor Belmont black!! Why does it always have to be a female character of colour???

#pjo #annabeth chase #harry potter #hermione granger #black characters #bbc merlin #guinevere pendragon #castlevania nocturne #castlevania annette #heartstopper #elle argent #sex education #hotd #bipoc #ok im not gonna add more tags I'm tired and lazy

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clockworkouroboros · 10 months

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Now that the 60th anniversary specials are all out, I guess I'm gonna share my thoughts about them all, because it's the internet or whatever. Overall, I do think there's a lot of good in these specials. The fan service is absolutely there, but it's been done in a different way than some of the past special episodes, and it really acknowledges I think the many different kinds of Doctor Who fans, from the people who just watch the revived series (or even just bits and pieces of the revived series) to fans of Classic Who and even those of us crazy enough to get into the extended universe. I mean, featuring Beep the Meep and the Toymaker as your two Big Villains is both ridiculous and speaks to the nature of Doctor Who fans that we were all so excited for them. So. A lot of really nice things about these specials all around.

In The Star Beast, we got a really nice blend of nostalgia for the original Tennant era with new, interesting characters and a healthy amount of fan service towards Beep the Meep's half a dozen fans. Between those three things and RTD's obvious love letter to and heartfelt (if perhaps a little clunky) support of queer (and especially trans) people, it's easy to look past the episode's flaws; namely, that it's very light on the plot, and the handwavey bullshit that retcons Donna losing her memories completely undercuts the emotional heavy hitting of Donna losing her memories. You mean it was *always* that easy? Fuck right off.

Wild Blue Yonder really brought in, for me, more than a hint of Wilderness Years Who. The bottle episode slightly claustrophobic feel, the terrifying unexplainable Not-Things, the goddamn salt—I thought this story was the strongest in the set. I think RTD, like many writers, has a tendency to try and make things bigger and bigger and bigger, when really, his best stories tend to be like this. Consider Midnight as another example—brilliant, terrifying, and also very similar to some of the more experimental stories of the wilderness years. If I had a complaint about this story, it's that I would want it to play into more of the sense of sensory deprivation that stories like Midnight and Scherzo did. But honestly, that's a nitpick. It infuriates me a little bit—RTD likes to go in for some spectacle, as seen in The Star Beast and especially in The Giggle (and also the s3 and s4 finales, and also DT's regeneration story, and also and also and also)—but some of his best work is done when he doesn't allow himself the spectacle and instead really pares everything down to the barest of bare bones.

And, honestly? The Giggle was a bit of a letdown. There are so many ways you could bring the Toymaker into Who again, and he ended up sort of being an afterthought. Neil Patrick Harris was obviously having a grand old time in the role, which is great—so why not give him a little more to chew on? I thought there was a lot that was great—Donna and the Doctor in the Toymaker's domain, as an example. I think, building off of Wild Blue Yonder, coming back again and again to just how much the Doctor has been through and how that has affected them, was also a really nice thing to include, and something that I wish had been brought up more during Thirteen's run, because she really went through it.

But that also brings me to my biggest issue with The Giggle, and that is the way David Tennant's Doctor (Fourteen? TenThree? TenTeen?) has been written in a way that still is overshadowing Ncuti Gatwa's Doctor. This was honestly one of my biggest concerns as soon as Tennant's return was announced, and one of RTD's past issues in Who has been his chronic overshadowing of characters of color in favor of a white fan favorite. (Martha and Mickey both get this treatment.) The regeneration scene pissed me off in a way that I didn't think Doctor Who could piss me off—generally speaking, I'm pretty level-headed about most Doctor Who things because this show is ridiculous enough that you sort of have to just roll with it. I already adore Ncuti's Doctor (from his extremely limited amount of screentime), but I can't help but feel that he's been cheated out of a proper introduction because he had to share his limited screentime with David Tennant, the most popular Doctor to ever exist in the show's 60-year history. Likewise, because of this ridiculous Journey's End 2: This Time It's Stupider nonsense, I'm genuinely concerned RTD will randomly bring DT back for some fun multi-Doctor fanwanks, and sort of write all over the first Doctor of color's era with David Tennant. Not that that will happen (I certainly hope not, anyway), but the fact that he's leaving it open as an option already has me worried.

So. Yeah. Maybe I'm being harsher on RTD than I would otherwise be, because the nostalgia for having him back is so ridiculously high that it's driving me a little insane, or maybe these are genuine issues. I'm not upset that he's back, but these specials—and especially The Giggle—left me extremely wary that we're going to get the same exact issues that he brought to Who in his first run. Overall it'll be fine, and again, I did get a lot of enjoyment out of these specials! There's a lot about RTD's writing that is objectively both good and consistent. That doesn't mean I'm not holding my breath going forward.

#dw spoilers #the star beast #wild blue yonder #the giggle #russel t davies #doctor who #fourteenth doctor #fifteenth doctor #sorry for the wall of text #and a reminder to everyone that you do NOT have to agree with anything that i say even a little!#i genuinely am not trying to shit on rtd i'm just concerned #so. yeah.

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natalynsie · 10 months

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Pretzels (Trans Girl Noah Ficlet)

[request from anonymous asking for a fic about trans noah. sorry this is so short and you had to wait so long!]

11:52 PM.

Owen waited.

And waited.

“Nadia, where are you?” He muttered to himself.

Owen had planned with Nadia to meet at 11:45. Long after her family fell asleep. When they could be sure that everything was safe for Nadia to leave. Well, not safe, but unknown. So Owen could make sure everything was okay as soon as possible. Or… not okay. But hopefully okay.

There was a rustle nearby.

Owen turned as fast as possible, aiming his flashlight in the directions of the sound. Stumbling out of the bushes was Nadia.

“Nadia!” Owen exclaimed, running over to his friend and sweeping her up in a hug. “You scared me half to death! Finally! Where is your flashlight?”

“I was running late, chill big guy.” Owen let Nadia out of the hug. She fell to the ground and brushed herself off. “I kinda lost track of time.”

“Well…?” Owen began, nervous. “How did it go?”

Nadia smiled. “Surprisingly, really good. I mean, I didn’t expect it to go bad, but it went really good.”

“What all happened?”

“Well, I sat down with just my mom and told her first. She was surprised, but she immediately asked what I wanted my name to be and then if I wanted to tell my dad and my siblings. So, I did. And I think she’s just waiting for me to tell her I can come out to everyone else in the family too.” Nadia smiled. “And Ava asked if she could take me clothes shopping, because of course she did.”

Owen swallowed his friend in a hug again. “I’m so happy! I don’t have to deadname you around your parents anymore!”

“Yeah, somehow you’re even more happy than I am.”

“That’s not exactly fair, I’m always more happy than you are.”

“And I’m the one who just successfully came out.”

“And I’m best friends with the girl who just successfully came out.”

“You’re a dumbass sometimes.” Nadia rolled her eyes. “So. If you’re free next Saturday, you can come to the mall with Ava and I. I’m probably not going to wear most of the clothes we buy but whatever. I guess I could use a little more girly clothes. Still going to wear sweater vests constantly, though.”

“Yeah! Sounds fun. And I wouldn’t expect any less than a sweater vest.”

“You better not. I think the highlight of this occasion will be getting pretzels.”

“We’re getting pretzels?” Owen asked. “This is so on!”

Nadia snorted. “And I wouldn’t expect any less than you being mostly excited for pretzels.” She kicked the dirt. “But I do look forward to those. They are delicious.”

“See? You understand.”

“Yeah. Anyways, I should get home. Before someone realizes I’m gone. And before some freak out here sees us.”

“I guess.” Owen folded his arms. “See you next Saturday, then?”

“I’ll probably see you before then and you know it.”

“That’s true.”

Nadia smiled, and fell into her friend’s stomach, engulfing him in a hug. “Thanks for meeting me this late. I just knew I would want someone to talk to.”

“No problem! I wanted to sleep in peace knowing you were okay.”

Nadia pulled away from Owen. “Okay. Bye for real.”

“Bye!” Owen waved, running the opposite direction of Nadia. Nadia stood still for a moment before going back to her own house.

#owen total drama #noah total drama #td owen #td noah #total drama #td #fanfiction #fanfic #ficlet #natie fics

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sissytobitch10seconds · 7 months

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Clowning Around

Fandom: Helluva Boss Summary: Blitz lost quite a bit in a fire that he accidentally caused. Thankfully, nothing truly lasts forever and he has a chance to grow. Warnings: Trans male pregnancy, mentions of homelessness, graphic depictions of violence, and canon-typical child abuse Word Count: 8,953 Ship(s): FizzaRolli/Blitzo/Stolas Goetia/Asmodeus

Archive link!

A/N: So this hasn't had any editing because it's for a mutual of mine (@lovely-number-7)and I wanted to get it out as quickly as possible! It's based off an idea that we both had and built on together. I've only ever seen Helluva Boss so if I've gotten some lore wrong, please be patient with me. I hope you all enjoy! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3

Blitzo blinked hard several times as his vision once again swam in front of him. While he had adjusted to that happening while he was performing, stuffed into a tent under massively hot lights and surrounded by flaming Hellbeasts, it was odd to have it happen when he was inside of his caravan. He rolled it off his shoulders as just another thing that his body was doing while it adjusted to his new condition. He had more important things that he had to focus on for the time being.

If his father was asked, then the thing that he should have been focusing on was his act. He hadn’t been able to perform as well as he had been a few months before and even then his performance was mediocre at best. He had never been the most talented when it came to the tight rope and he sucked at the swings, so he had been relegated to a clown. His ability to manipulate the crowd into laughing at his incompetence and warming them up for his best friend, FizzaRolli, had been regressing. He knew that it was because his focus was always on the other clown, just barely backstage and out of his reach, instead of on the task at hand.

Hopefully he would be able to sort out some of those issues soon. For now, though, he was focusing on a task that was something other than what his father wanted him to do. Cash was preoccupied with the new act that Barbie was working out with some of the other aerialists involving the lyra hoop anyway. That meant that Blitzo finally had some time where he could stop being the bad kid simply because he was being ignored.

The demon let a little giggle pass through his lips as he signed his name on the bottom of the paper that was laying on the ground of his family’s caravan. They rarely slept in the bunks any longer, not since they had traveled away from the snowy mountaintops and down to the sweltering deserts of Wrath. They were going to be heading towards the edges of the cities in Greed soon, which meant that they would be stay in city motels or camped out in parking lots.

While he sometimes missed being able to lay next to his mother in his parent’s bunk when she was feeling well enough to have her children next to her, he was glad that they only really used the caravan for storage any more. He shared a tent with Fizz and Barbie, which meant that there was a lot more time to get up to the teenage shenanigans that had been plaguing them for a while. He hoped that neither of them would mind having to make room for another addition, at least until they could get Barbie into her own tent.

He tucked the letter into the envelope that he had stolen out of one of the patron’s purses and then sealed it. After a moment, he wrote down a note trying to scare everyone else away from opening it and reading the contents. The only person that knew what was written after the love confession was an old crone three towns and nine shows back, so Blitzo was determined to make sure that Fizz was the first to know outside of that.

He slipped from the stuffy caravan down onto the packed ground of the campsite behind the circus. He could see the massive big top wavering in the desert breeze as it rolled over the sand traps, heading toward the tiny town. Blitzo kept one of his hands on the doorway that led back into the structure as he took in what the camp looked like.

He was hoping that this was the last time he would have to look on it as a single boy, that the next time that he set eyes on all of the tents he would be completely changed. It made a giddy fluttering erupt in the base of his stomach and rush through his throat.

Unable to keep the energy centered in one place for much longer, he jumped down from the caravan step onto the packed earth. He paused for only a moment, gazing at the small amount of green grass and wildflowers that had managed to sprout up amidst the harsh conditions. It was only because the seeds had been dropped, likely from their own hellbeasts, right next to the water pump.

A giddy idea sprang into the young imp’s head as he rushed over to the pump and then plucked one of the flowers up. Since it could only grow in a very small spot and the conditions surrounding it were still so hostile it was nothing like the flowers that he had been thinking of getting for Fizz in his dreams. It was small and weepy, already drooping as Blitzo held it up into the air so that he could see it properly.

Tilting his head up towards the sun made his headache come back just as fiercely as it had that morning when he had stood up too fast. He quickly placed his hand down on the top of the water pump and bit back the bile that was threatening to spew out through his mouth. He had gotten very good at that, ever since he had started feeling nauseous when he would lay down to go to sleep.

He had always heard his mother refer to her pregnancy sickness as morning sickness, usually when she was talking to one of the other circus workers or some of the doctors that would come to see her. The pregnancy had been what had taken her health into such a nosedive, causing her to be weak enough that she couldn’t perform any longer. Blitzo had no idea why the nausea and vomiting that came with pregnancy was called morning sickness, he had never actually been sick in the morning unless someone had decided to eat salted fish during that time.

Instead, he always felt himself becoming devastatingly ill towards the night time. The sun would go down and he would finally stop bouncing around for the first time since he had woken. He would go back to the tent with Fizz and Barb, lay down and wait just long rough for them to either sneak out to their other friends or to fall asleep before he left. There was a patch of sand behind one of the straggly trees on the edge of their camp that had been watered by his stomach bile and dinner for the better part of the last few weeks.

Sometimes he also ended up feeling ill during the middle of the day when he reacted to something too emphatically. He had lucked out when it had come to the shows, despite the bouncing and jumping that he did when he was performing. He had never gotten sick when he was out in front of the crowd and was able to lie to his father when he got caught heaving something up backstage. A lot of the other imps that were performing with them drank profusely, so as long as he carried a flask of water on hand and sipped from it then he could just pretend that he had fucked up and had too much to drink before the show.

The nausea passed after a couple of seconds of breathing through his nose, and he was better off for it. He was standing in the fresh air of the camp instead of being in one of the stuffy tents or wagons, which always helped him. He wished that they still traveled with a doctor and there was a way for him to ask if this was normal.

The only person that he knew that had a child and would be willing to talk to him was his mother. He turned his head away from where he had been staring at the main tent, the place where he needed to be going, and to where she would be during the middle of the day. Carefully, he tucked the letter and the flower away in his waistband and then walked over to the side of the wagon.

“Mom?” he asked.

“Hello, little one,” she smiled as she saw him. She tilted her head back so that her predominantly black horns were resting on the back of her chair. Barb was sitting in front of her, turned to the side so that she could lay her head on her mother’s lap.

When his twin heard the sound of his voice, she tilted her head so that she was looking at him and her chin was resting on their mother’s thighs. “Back off, this is my time with mom,” she hissed, including flicking her tongue at Blitzo.

“She can come and join us if she wants,” their mother corrected. She had always been the level-headed and purposeful of his parents. It was a shame that her pregnancy had damaged her badly enough that she couldn’t be there to assist their father in the running of the circus. If she had been, then they probably would have been in their hay day instead of struggling the way that they were now.

Blitzo kicked at the ground as he bit the insides of his cheeks. He wanted to correct her about the pronouns that she had used, but he also knew that his mother struggled to remember anything nowadays. So instead, he just leaned down and kissed next to the brand on her forehead, “I was just gonna head over to Fizz’s party. I’ll tell him happy birthday from the both of you.”

Barbie turned her head away from him and let their mother resume carding her hair back to where it belonged. It hurt to know that his sister was so easy to dismiss him, but he knew that he would do the same if he had the chance to be with their mother like that.

He turned on his heal and walked towards the tent, feeling his mother wave him off as he went. He really did want to ask her advice for the pregnancy, because he was scared. He had only found out a couple of months ago and it already felt like it was tearing him apart. He had heard his father scream about what they had done to their mother when she was pregnant with them and while he would never want to abort his child, as sentimental and attached as he was already, he didn’t want that to happen to him.

By the time that he had reached his destination, the thoughts had already flown from his mind. He could hear the sounds of the party inside, wafting through the opening of the tent and into the deserted grounds around them. It was their last day in this part of Wrath, so they had already performed their last show and would pack up the following morning. They had been able to use the entirety of the big top tent to their own devices, which meant that they were blasting Fizz’s favorite music by Mammon and laughing amongst each other.

He stepped through the first flap of the tent and then headed towards the ring where the main part of the party was being held. The air was just as stuffy as it had been in the back of the caravan, which made him waver slightly. He reached the second flap, which would let him join the rest of the party and the celebration.

When he got there, however, he was overwhelmed by how bad he felt. He grasped at the cloth that made up the tent to try and steady himself, placing the hand that was holding the letter and flower out to the side. The last thing that he was able to register was his palm meetings something soft and grainy, like frosting, before he tumbled down to the ground.

---

The first thing that Blitzo was aware of when he woke was how painfully hot he was. That wasn’t exactly a rarity since he had gotten pregnant, his entire body temperature had risen significantly. He wasn’t able to sleep inside of a tent on most days and blankets were never over the majority of his body, lest he spend the entire night vomiting instead of just part of it.

This heat felt different than the heat that plagued him when he was trying to sleep or go about his everyday life.

Instead of radiating from the base of his gut and through his limbs, it was licking at his skin as it tried to get closer to him. He could feel the way that it was heating up his body the way that the sun did after a long day in the shade, but a thousand times faster. It made him uncomfortable enough that he had to rouse despite the inviting way that sleep was still pulling at him.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and then gasped at what he saw. Bright green flames were jumping from the edge of one canvas panel to another, eating through the support beams that were meant to keep the tent upright. He must have knocked something over when he passed out that resulted in the entire place going up in flames.

He could hear the hellbeasts, locked up in their pens on the other side of the big top, crying out. There was a massive crash before the sound of beating hooves and paws echoed through the space above the sound of crackling of the fire. There was screaming coming from the other workers, shrieking as they tried to beat out the fire on their clothing and find their loved ones.

That reminded Blitzo of what he had been doing when he originally entered into the tent. He rolled over slowly enough that he wouldn’t make himself sick and then hoisted himself to his feet. The smoke from the fire immediately infiltrated his lungs and filled his sinuses with the acrid smell of death. He brought his shirt over his nose as he waved futility in front of his face, trying to make his way through the mess without hurting himself or his unborn child.

He stumbled forward awkwardly, tripping down so that he could see underneath one of the curtains. The box of fireworks that they hadn’t been able to use the night before because of the high winds was somehow still in tact, but it wasn’t going to be for long with the rate that the fire was spreading.

He picked himself back up and then heaved to the side, spewing bile and smoke from his throat onto the ground. He couldn’t even bring himself to care about who saw him or what they thought about the mess that he had made. There was something far more important in the forefront fo his brain and it was the safety of the people that he loved.

“Fizz?” he called as he ventured further into the tent.

He had just passed into the massive ring in the center of the tent where the party had been held before he had messed everything up. Fizz was screaming as the fire licked at him, trying to beat it out as the other imps had been doing. It was entirely purposeless because his other hand was already engulfed in the green fire, which only helped in spreading it.

“I’m going to get help!” Blitzo tried to scream over the sound of the tent collapsing in around him. He had turned around just in time for Fizz to notice him, he could hear his friend calling out for him. He knew that he couldn’t be in the fire for an extended amount of time, not without hurting the baby that was steadily growing in his womb. Fizz was in a lot of trouble though, and was going to need someone that actually knew first aid to be able to help him.

He rushed through the burning canvas and support structures as he tried to find anyone that was willing to help him. They were all already busy, trying to coral the hellbeasts back where they went or drag their partners and friends out of harm’s way. Blitzo couldn’t do that, not with the way that his eye was aching from the damage it had sustained before he had woken and the aching across his shoulders.

“Help!” he shouted as he stumbled across a group of people that was only standing there and watching the flames crawl higher and higher. It was the last thing that he could do before blackness began to dance at the edges of his vision again and he passed out.

---

Blitz’s life had already turned into an absolute shitshow before he had wound up running into the person that he used to be in love with.

He could have said that about a lot of people and it would have been true to some extent for all of them. Verosika hadn’t been good to him but she was lovely in so many other ways that it had left him feeling validated. Striker was just some quick fuck so that he could feel steady in himself during a tumultuous time. The weird shark demon was someone that he wanted to forget, which meant it would have been an outward lie. Stolas and he had a very complicated relationship, one that reminded him so much of his time before the accident that he wasn’t sure he wanted to define it as love, yet.

The one person that had broken his heart more than anyone else was the one that he also tried to force from his mind the most. Fizz had been the first love that he ever had, the one that came to him in his dreams when he was having a hard time, and the one that still got him to cry to that day.

Just as it had every time he had run into one of Fizzarolli’s mechanical jesters when he was working his various odd jobs, their interaction went poorly. He was mostly trying to get out of the situation that he had once again found himself in, but Fizz seemed intent on reading him the riot act. He had to rebuttal some of the things that the other imp said lest he let his reputation get tarnished by someone else. That was his job and his job alone, after all.

That was when things went even further south. They ended up getting kidnapped and locked into the same cell, which meant that there was very little space for either of them to get away. Fizz didn’t seem to be handling the kidnapping very well. Despite the snappish remarks and quips that he was still making, he was fidgeting in his bindings and wiggling almost incessantly.

Blitz tried to ignore him for the most part as he figured out how to get out. He had another obligation that he had to attend to and if he didn’t make it then it could mean something very bad for him. His life had been enough of a shit show recently that he didn’t want to push his luck when it came to his relationship with his daughter, either of them.

He managed to get their bindings undone after wiggling his knife out of his sleeve for the better part of five minutes, of which his mouth spent the entire time arguing with Fizz. Once they were both free of the rope and tape, they managed to get out of the cage in a spectacular failure of a plan that still worked. It felt almost like the exact definition of Blitz’s entire life, he planned something and it went wrong but got half of the desired effect in the end.

Once they were out of the cage, they devised another plan so that they could get out of the warehouse. It involved Fizz making a fool of himself as he always had while Blitz managed to get around the back. They managed to take out the majority of the goons that Crimson had hired to try and ransom them, resulting on them standing up on the top of a massive shelving unit.

“You always cared what I thought,” Blitz scoffed. It was only half true, like most things in his life. Fizz had only cared what Blitz had to think when they were young teenagers, long before he had won the very first Mammon competition. Once he had won that competition and skyrocketed to fame, he didn’t care about what anyone thought of him. He knew that he was better than Blitz, that he deserved so much more than a low life that wanted to talk about blood and legless horses and pirates nonstop to try and rekindle what they had when they were kids.

Fizz laughed as he turned around and examined his hand, the one that had been whirring and stretching far above what was normal. Blitz knew that he had been given prosthetics to help him with what the fire had left him with, so that he could still perform and function as a person. “After what you did to me?” he asked as he turned just so that their eyes could meet over his shoulder.

“I didn’t do anything! It was an accident,” he snapped. He hadn’t told anyone what had happened that night, he had never had the chance to. His father had known that he knocked the cake out of the other circus workers hands, setting the canvas ablaze and then eventually lighting off the fireworks that he hadn’t stored properly because he was so tired. In Cash’s eyes, it had been his fault and it had been treated as such since that night.

“An accident? Are you kidding me?” Fizz nearly screamed. The bells on the bottom of his hat jangled as he moved, which was so comforting that it made Blitz feel like he was shaking apart. “You’ve always had it out for me because people liked me better. You wanted me gone because you were jealous. Just wanting the spotlight! I looked up to you, I thought you were my best friend. You ruined my life!”

He was approaching Blitz with both of his hands balled up into fists at his side. For a moment, he looked just as Cash had so many times throughout Blitz’s childhood. “And then you just left me. I lost so much because of you. And you selfish piece of shit, you didn’t even care!”

Blitz had turned around so that the tears streaking down his face weren’t visible to the other imp. He couldn’t face this, not when all of the memories of what had happened that night and the days following were rushing back to him all at once. That last sentence wormed its way into his mind until the words he had wanted to say for years finally burst out of him. “I did care! It was an accident, it was!”

Before he could say anything else, Fizz grabbed his shoulders and ducked them down into the boxes on the second of the warehouse shelves, so that they were surrounded by boxes. Several gunshots went off above them, but it was easy for Blitz to ignore them in his new line of work.

He couldn’t stop the words now that they were coming, “Okay, you’re right! It was all my fault, it was. Okay, I should have done more to help! I was trying. There was so much going on. I was trying to get help, Fizz. I’m sorry, it was all my fault.”

“Glad you can admit it. Do you want a medal?” Fizz snarled.

Blitz could almost feel the pain on his eye and in his belly as he spoke to the other imp, as the words continued pouring from him like a leaky faucet. “Look, I’m sorry Fizz. I am so sorry that you got so hurt. And I am sorry for what you lost, and I-I know I can never make that right. But you have no idea what I lost in that fire.”

The memories felt like a searing, burning force in the back of his mind. The gun in his hand barely even registered as one of his hands moved to his stomach. He had never forgiven himself for what had happened, what he might have had if he had just taken his mother’s advice and listened to his body for once. He had been too greedy, wanted too much and then had lost everything but one tiny speck from it. “I mean, it’s all my fault. I would hate me too.”

And he did, he hated himself enough for everyone that had gotten hurt or died in that accident and then some.

They didn’t get to continue their conversation because the thugs had found them again. He took care of them with the efficiency and blase attitude that he had done his job with for months now. It was technically personal, but he felt so hollow and out of sorts that he couldn’t bring himself to care much anymore.

They skipped over some of the boxes now that they were reminded that they were trying to escape. “So why didn’t you try to tell me any of this? Or come see me?” Fizz asked. “Even once would have been fine!”

“I tried. You were all I had left, Fizz, at least for the first while. But they told me that you didn’t want to see me,” he got a little snarky at the end. He didn’t really blame Fizz for not wanting to see him anymore, but at the time it had felt like a massive breach of their friendship. Fizz was responsible for the pregnancy as much as Blitz was, and he was the only person that could even potentially support him not that Barbie refused to talk to him and Tilla had passed.

“I never told them that!”

“Bullshit,” Blitz snarled. All of the talking about what had happened back then were bringing back the memories and feelings of that time. It was hard to keep his attitude in check when he felt like he had all those years ago, seventeen and recovering from his own burns while pregnant. “You didn’t?”

“No! And no one told me you came,” Fizz said.

They both suddenly realized what had happened, nodding in understanding. That was when more goons found them and they began to talk while they were fighting. It was odd to be with someone from the circus in that sense, instead of a farmer like Millie or a mafia member like Moxxie.

“Misunderstanding or no, it’s kind of hard to forgive you. It’s been fifteen years and that’s so much time. But I guess you didn’t really ruin my life.”

Blitz felt like he wanted to choke on air when he heard that. The explosion had completely ruined his life, even if his baby was the shining light in all of it that had stopped him from putting the business end of a gun against the roof of his mouth. “You’re telling me getting blown up didn’t ruin your life?”

“It was painful, and challenging,” Fizz conceded. “And you know, fuck you still. But it’s not like I’m broken. And I have someone who understands me. My life has actually been pretty great.”

“Yeah, that’s lovely,” Blitz said sourly. He knew that it was his fault that Fizz had been disfigured and disabled, but there was still some resentment brewing in him. He had to fight tooth, nail, and tail to get out of the hellhole being raised in the circus had left him in. Fizz had always gotten everything just handed to him, even when he messed up.

They finished worming their way out of the container that they had been held captive in. They were able to hotwire one of the old cars in the junkyard, but that was when Striker managed to snag Fizz. Blitz acted as quickly as he could to cause an explosion that would get the bounty hunter off of his friend without damaging Fizz. After performing some tricks that he thought he had long since forgotten, they found themselves safe on the top of a long beam. Fizz yelled at him for blowing him up again, which Blitz knew that he deserved.

---

The trek to get out of Greed felt like it took forever. They had to find where the junkyard was in proximity to where they had been before and then get back to there first. Once they had, Blitz offered Fizz a ride since the other imp had been brought there by a car that he would have to call for. Neither of them had their phones any more so that wasn’t really an option.

Much to his surprise, Fizz actually accepted the offer and then crawled into his van. They sped down the freeway to the elevators as fast as the other cars would allow. Somehow, the drive was so much more relaxed and pleasant than the one with Stolas a few weeks ago had been. Blitz assumed that part of that was because they had made up instead of having a fight, but he was also half hoping that it was because they actually had some kind of relationship waiting for them in the future.

“You can turn here,” Fizz said, pointing to the long driveway they had just passed.

Blitz made a sharp turn and then came to an abrupt stop when they reached two pillars that held a gate. Fizz rolled down the window and then leaned so far out of it that Blitz was worried he was going to end up on the ground. He watched in fascination as his childhood best friend typed in a very long code and then the doors of the gate swung open.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said that you lived here,” Blitz wondered at the massive palace. He had been all over Stolas’ place, in every single nook and cranny both when he was an adult and when he was a child. It felt like nothing more than a tent in the back of a caravan compared to what Asmodeous had been able to make for himself.

“Did you really think that I was lying? You saw Ozzie and I the other night at the club,” Fizz laughed.

It was a good sound, but it did terrible things to Blitz. Not only did he have to remember the night where he basically broke it off with his sort-of boyfriend and then scarred his eldest daughter by making her see him worse off than he had been since he had adopted her, he also felt the feelings from before the accident returning to him. His stomach erupted in a knot of butterflies that flooded throughout his system and left him feeling more elated and calm than any sedative had ever managed.

He drove down the long driveway to where it stopped at the front of the house. “Hey, Fizz?” he asked.

The other imp paused, his good arm resting on the door and his head tilted back so that he was looking at Blitz over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

“I know I’m not really in a position to be asking you for favors, but would you mind pointing me towards a phone that I can use? I have to call someone before I get back to Pride and I want to do it as soon as possible,” Blitz explained. He didn’t feel like he could venture up the truth behind the words, the real reason that he was so anxious to be calling the mystery person he had just referenced.

Fizz stared at him for a long minute before he nodded his head. “You can come inside, but just long enough to call someone. I’ve mostly forgiven you but I don’t want to hang out with you just yet,” he explained.

That was better than anything that Blitz had thought he was going to get. After everything that had happened between the two of them, both everything that Fizz did and didn’t know about, he had never expected any kind of reconciliation between the two of them. He wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, even though that was a stupid metaphor because horses did need their mouths examined fairly often, so he turned off the van.

He followed Fizz inside the huge mansion, standing a couple paces behind him. It didn’t feel right to walk beside him after all he had done, especially when the secret he was still keeping sat so heavily in his chest. The halls were vaulted and painted blue, with elaborate portraits of people that Blitz couldn’t put the name to when his mind was already so full of other things.

The thoughts in his mind had grown so loud, in fact, that he wasn’t even able to make out the sound of other voices down the hall until they were yelling. Fizz rushed past him and launched himself at Ozzie, who was standing next to someone that looked a little too familiar.

“Blitzy?” Stolas asked, bringing one of his taloned hands up to his beak as it opened in shock.

On any other day, during any other occasion, Blitz would have been able to keep the grudge that he had formed when he realized that Stolas would never actually love him and was embarrassed to be around him when they were in public. He had been dragged through the mud and lit on fire today, though, so he let it immediately drop.

He rushed over to the owl as fast as his damaged body would take him. He had grabbed the wire too hard earlier and his ankle was still kicking him for it, made worse by the fact that he was no longer seventeen and was extremely out of practice. As soon as he reached Stolas, he threw his arms around the owl and buried his face into the exposed feathers near his neck. “I’m sorry for being such an ass. I can’t be alone anymore, I can’t.”

“Oh, darling,” Stolas whispered as he immediately moved to holding his smaller lover. He set his chin down between the imp’s horns as he continued. “You know as well as I do that those girls of yours would never let you be alone. You don’t need me for that.”

“I do, I do,” he sniffled. He then shook his head and took a small step back, landing on the ground with a soft thump. “Speaking of the girls, do you know where they are?”

“Well, it’s still Saturday so I assume that Loona has taken them out shopping,” Stolas explained as he looked through his pockets for his phone.

“No, Kaly had practice today. She’s got that big performance coming up next week and her coach is pushing her,” Blitz narrowed his eyes as the reminder of what his daughter had been like when he had picked her up from acrobatics the week before making him angry.

“We’ve discussed this as well. Kalypso is her own person, she’s almost an adult, and if she isn’t okay with something then she will tell you. Only then can you handle the situation like you want to,” Stolas said. He handed the phone over to Blitz without another word, though.

The imp didn’t even think twice before he scrolled down to Kalypso’s number in the text options and clicked call. He had the phone up to his ear in seconds as he begged for her to pick up. There was no logical reason that she wouldn’t, even if Loona had picked her up from practice early so they could spend some time together. He had a stressful day and he was just worried, however.

“Put it on speaker, I want to say hello to her too,” Stolas said, gently poking Blitz’s shoulder to get his attention.

While Stolas and Blitz had their on-again-off-again relationship, the kids had also developed an attachment to the opposite parent. Via liked Blitz because he knew how to talk to her like an adult instead of babying her, which was something they needed in the midst of her parents divorce. Kalypso liked Stolas because he was so passionate about everything in his and her life, which Blitz unfortunately never had the time to be. They had ended up co parenting even though they weren’t technically romantically together for a good portion of the time prior.

He tilted the phone away from his face and then put it on speaker just as soon as the voice on the other end answered. “Stolas? Why are you calling me today?”

Blitz felt almost like he was going to start crying again when he heard the voice of his lovely, sweet daughter ring through the other side of the phone. “Kaly, baby, where are you?” he asked, ignoring the fact that Stolas had just opened his mouth to say something.

“Papa, I’m at practice. I told you that I was going to be here all day, unless Aunt Barbie came to pick me up,” she explained.

He felt his mouth tip down in a frown almost instinctively when he heard his sister’s name. There was a time where they were as close as two people could get, but that had long since passed. The death of their mother had driven Barb to a lot of very bad places, to the point where she had spent several years in rehab trying to turn her life around. Even once she had and Blitz found her again, she still hated his guts for an accident that was entirely his fault. She was doing better now, and was actively trying to be a good aunt to his kids.

“I had a rough day, I guess I forgot that practice was going that late. Do you think you could ask Loonie to pick you up? I might be a little late getting home,” Blitz explained. He hated having to say that, getting to see his daughter perform the tail end of her routine or whatever trick she was currently working to perfect had always been his favorite part of the weekends. There would be other times for that, though, he knew that in his heart after all the years they had been together.

The worry dripped off Kalypso’s voice as she asked, “A hard day? Are you okay? Did you get hurt again?”

Stolas’ hand dropped down to the spot on his hip, the one that gave him fits whenever he pushed himself too hard. It was as endearing as it was annoying, so Blitz did his best to simply brush it off. “I got kidnapped, met up with an old friend, and then blew up a junkyard.”

“An old friend?” Kalypso asked. “Most of your old friends don’t like you very much, Papa. Maybe I should ask Loona to come pick me up now so that we can check on you together.”

“It’s quite alright, little one. I’m with him and I don’t plan on letting him out of my sight until I get him back into your responsible care,” Stolas said. He was so good at soothing the worries of their children, even Loona.

“Hi Stolas! If he ends up falling asleep on you, make sure he takes out his contact. I hafta get back to practice now. Love you both,” she chirped.

“Love you too, impling,” Stolas smiled warmly. Despite the fact that they hadn’t been together for very long, it was true that they loved their children with their entire hearts, even if they had only met them a short time ago.

“Love you, Kaly. Be good and don’t let anybody push you around,” Blitz said before the phonecall ended.

He tilted his head to the side and saw that both Fizz and Ozzie were staring at him. He looked towards Stolas, who was already in the middle of texting Via about what had happened and if she would be okay with him staying out late for Blitz, then back to them. “What?” he asked.

“You have kids?” Fizz demanded. He clambered down from where he had been held in the Sin’s arms and then made his way over to Blitz. “That’s kind of an important thing to tell me! Is it with him?”

He wanted to laugh at that. He wanted to lean into Fizz’s face and cackle like some kind of deranged human serial killer. Instead, he opted for giggling and trying to stifle it with both of his hands. When he only got further weird looks he finally explained himself, “If you only knew the amount of times I tried to tell you that I had kids before I finally gave up!”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Fizz asked, folding one arm over himself because the other still wasn’t working.

Blitz sighed and rubbed his forehead with one of his hands. The secret was eating him alive, especially since he had finally explained half of what had happened in the tent to his previously best friend. If he was going to be airing his dirty laundry and forgiving past grudges, then he might as well just do them all in the same day. “We should go sit down, this is going to take a long while to explain.”

---

About an hour had passed since they had shown up to Ozzie’s place. Stolas had the resident doctor come and check Blitz out to make sure that everything that was broken would eventually heal. Ozzie replaced the damaged parts of Fizz’s prosthetics and clothing. Eventually, the four of them were seated on two couches in what looked to be a formal sitting room meant for guests of far higher standing than any of them.

Of course, now that they had moved rooms and the conversation felt more like something that was actually going to happen as opposed to the abstract concept of yelling at each other in the hallway, Blitz felt almost like he was going to die. He knew what it was like to be close to death, everyone that worked in the field that he did was well aware of what that feeling was, and the panic coursing through his system currently was reminding him very heavily of that.

The world resettled and comfort rushed through him when he felt Stolas’ soft, feathered arm brush up behind him. It was a strange, grounding presence and very welcome given everything else that was going on.

“So what did you mean, earlier?” Fizz asked. He picked up the steaming mug of tea that had been placed in front of him on the table and then took a long drink from it.

“I guess I should start form the beginning? There have been enough misunderstandings about the fire already, we don’t need more,” Blitz reasoned. He felt Stolas give him a gentle squeeze on the shoulder to let him know that he was doing the right thing. He was glad that his sort of-boyfriend was there to support him through this, he was absolutely certain he couldn’t do it on his own.

The others waited for him, which he took as his cue to start talking. He always took silence as an opportunity to fill, anyway. “On Fizz’s seventeenth birthday, I was planning on giving him a letter that would disclose two things. One, I was in love with him. Two, I was pregnant.”

Given that it was a massive bombshell to drop on its own, he let the sentences settle in the room. Ozzie’s fire had sparked a deeper blue color and the faces within it were just as shocked as his own. Fizzarolli was the one that was handling it the least well, his eyes massive as he sat straight up and then fell back into the couch. “Fucking shitballs,” Fizz breathed. “You were in love with me? I thought that you were jealous!”

Blitz shrugged awkwardly, “Two things can be true at the same time. I was jealous, especially because everyone loved you and you treated them all the same. I wanted one thing to be mine, truly mine. It just happened that you were that one thing.”

“What else happened?” Fizz asked once he had recovered.

“Pregnancy and I didn’t get along super well. I’m guessing I was dehydrated or anemic or something, I never did get it sorted out. I was super woozy when I came into the tent at your party to give you the letter and I ended up passing out. I guess I hit the cake on the way down because when I woke up, the whole thing was up in green flames. I tried to find you but I also knew that if I stayed in there, something could go really wrong with the babies,” he explained.

Fizz continued to listen. His eyes were tilted down towards the swirling liquid in his mug, like it was going to tell him something in loose tea leaves. Blitz remembered when his mother was well enough to perform those readings for people, taking far too much money for far too little.

He sighed and brushed a hand over the side of his face. “You and a couple of the other people got to go to the hospital, Dad allowed that, but the rest of us had to go to Urgent Care. They patched up my eye, but I still can’t see out of it for the most part. They also did an ultrasound and found out I was having twins,” he pulled the little picture out of his wallet. He had carried it with him since it had first printed from the machine, it was his most cherished item.

Carefully, the other imp took the picture and stared at it. Unless someone said where the things were, it was nearly impossible to tell what was baby and what was Blitz. Fizz was still handling the entire thing like it was precious, though, which Blitz chose to take as a good sign.

Eventually the paper got handed back to him and he continued his story. “Dad kicked me out of the circus for blowing you up, which is totally fair. I fucked everything up and got Mom killed. I really hurt Barbie too, she resorted to some pretty shit stuff that got her sent to rehab. She’s doing better now, though, even if she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“Where did you go?” Fizz asked. His brows were knitted in concern, similar to how he used to look whenever his fans were being too much back when they were teens.

“I went to Imp City. I stayed at a homeless shelter for pregnant people. I was there for a while, until the bleeding started. They assumed that I had a total miscarriage and then kicked me out, but it was just a partial one. I had to stay on the streets for a while after that, but then I got a job and I was able to find the shittiest apartment you have ever fucking seen,” he laughed until he noticed that no one else seemed as amused by that fact as he did. He then cleared his throat and said, “I delivered at home, couldn’t afford a hospital delivery with the Urgent Care back in Greed still trying to track me down. I named her Kalypso because I wanted her to have some tie back to the circus that wasn’t this fucking brand.”

When he mentioned that, Stolas squeezed his hip a bit tighter, as if to reassure him that he wasn’t there anymore. It was definitely something that was needed. Bringing up all he had gone through was like reliving it all at once.

“I think Kalypso is a good name,” Fizz said, like it was the only thing that he could muster while he was swimming in the depths of what the other man had just spilled in front of him. “Can I- can I meet her?”

“Course you can, she’s half you,” Blitzo took another sip of his drink. “In fact, if I hadn’t had to squeeze her out in the shittiest bathroom on earth then I would have been convinced that you had figured out cloning for another one of your stupid pranks.”

“My pranks aren’t stupid!” Fizz gasped, faking offense.

“They’re a little stupid, Froggy,” Ozzie laughed.

“I’m being attacked in my own home,” the jester wailed as he pretended to melt back onto the couch.

They were all laughing then, the heaviness of what had just been revealed lifting slightly. Blitz was able to tell the others more of what Kalypso had been like when she was growing up, which included some of the shitty spots he had gotten them wrapped up on. He was half certain that he had seen Ozzie on his phone, furiously emailing someone, when he got to the part about Verosika and her unhealthy habits around children. Blitz’s favorite part to talk about was Loona, and how being an older sister to someone she wouldn’t get separated from really helped her come out of her shell. She also took on that role with Via, after Blitz and Stolas had gotten into their weird half-relationship. He shared the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. He was glad he had paid for extra cloud storage when it came to showing pictures of his babies off to the group as well.

---

Blitz turned to the left and then back to the right before he tugged his shirt a little bit lower. It was impossible to miss the way that the cotton was pulling taut over his belly, even though he had only just reached twelve weeks. It was going to be impossible to hide this pregnancy the way that he had hidden his one with Kalypso. He hoped that Stolas and Ozzie were ready to keep him and Fizz safe from all of the batshit paparazzi that was going to be after them when the news finally broke.

He turned and grabbed the bag that he was going to be bringing to work. Now that it was confirmed that his chances of miscarriage had dropped significantly, they had decided that it was finally time to tell Millie and Moxxie why the polycule had been acting so strange. Fizz and Blitz were able to keep the secret relatively well since they had done that quite a lot back when they were kids, but the royals were overbearingly protective of their pregnant imp and it was beginning to raise eyebrows in their friends and family.

Not only were they going to finally tell Blitz’s coworkers and closest friends, but they were going to ask the duo to be the Hellparents, they already were for the rest of their other kids. It would be nice to formally ask them like the tradition begged for, though.

With the bag over his shoulder and his clothing as fussed with as it would get, he left the bedroom and entered into the chaos of the living room. Loona had been tasked with taking her sisters to school, which meant that she was leaning against the kitchen island while watching it all unfold. Ozzie was trying to help Kalypso get her tie straight so that she wouldn’t be dress coded again in that tight-ass private school that she went to with Via. Octavia herself was scrambling to get her bag packed, which was extra important now that she was a senior and making the direct transition into university.

“Hey Blitzy,” Fizz giggled from behind him. Two robotic arms wound their way around the other imp’s belly, hands resting directly on the tall crest. Their children knew that they were getting siblings, it would have been impossible to hide it from them with how bad Blitz’s morning sickness and exhaustion was every time he conceived. “You ready for work today?”

“If Stolas will let me out of the house,” he grumbled.

“What was that?” the offending bird demon asked from the depths of their bedroom.

“Nothing, birdy babe!” Ozzie shouted before either imp had the chance to start another play-fight. Even after just a year of being together with each other they had already learned what made the others tick, and when it was time to avoid that. He stood and kissed them both when he saw the twin pouts that they were sporting, much to the chagrin of their children.

That was when Loona spilled coffee down the front of her chest due to a text that Beelzebub, or maybe Tex if the flush near her ears was any indication, had sent her. It spurred on a panic from the younger too as she walked to her room so that she could get changed. If she ended up spending longer than five minutes picking out another top then there was a very high likelihood of them being late.

Blitz smiled as he watched his partners rush to try and soothe worries and solve problems. Years ago, he had been a single dad of two while working with chronic pain and an ache in his heart that had never left. Now he was expecting twins and more loved than he thought he ever deserved to be. It was clear based on the three men that had picked him and their children that he was loved that much and more.

#fanfiction #fanfic #writing #ao3 #archive of our own #helluva boss #blitzo #Stolas goetia #asmodeus #helluva boss asmodeus #fizzarolli #helluva boss fizarolli #polyamory #Stolas x Fizz x blitz x ozzie

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