#batman: ninja

[the-things-ive-seen]

Batman: Ninja

Disappointment in America, famous in Japan

As someone who started reading the Batman series a few years ago, with detective comics added to that reading schedule, it probably comes as no surprise that I entered the film with big expectations. Even if the movie turned out kind of mid, it would be a slam-dunk animated action film that would make me love Batman anywhere, at any time. I was certain that it couldn't disappoint.

I was disappointed.

For context, fanservice, according to Wikipedia, is material in a work of fiction or in a fictional series that is intentionally added to please the audience, often sexual in nature, such as nudity. I suppose that might explain why my screen was coated in DC vomit with Feudal Japanese aesthetic paper stickers blocking my view of any logic or reason. Like most fanservice, I'm not supposed to actually understand it, I'm supposed to laugh and masturbate with my friends as they point at Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, saying they recognize them from a doushinji. I'm not saying I didn't do that, I'm saying that if I had known the movie would be all over the place, I would've just watched Gotham by Gaslight to save time and hand cramps.

Batman Ninja is about Batman fighting a Gorilla, then the Joker. That's the TL;DR version since most Batman movies end up that way. It's actually about Batman being sent back in time so he can be told over and over again that he's completely useless without money and fancy machines, but he can change that by being a magical ninja. That's the second TL;DR, in case you think Batman sucks and isn't as cool as Superman. It's also about every character from the Batman universe showing and wearing time-appropriate clothes and using feudal Japan weapons, but only before the giant robots show up. That's the last TL;DR, because you either get the gist or you think the movie sounds much cooler than it is, in which case I welcome to watch it before coming back. You'll have two scenes worth talking about with your friends and nothing else good to say about it.

I wish I could say it was one of those movies that's taking a tour of Batman's cast and rogues gallery, but that describes Batman vs TMNT. This is more like one of those movies where a random guy with no familiarity with the series is put in charge, assigns characters in simple roles based on quick summary readings, and then yells at the 3d animation department that they aren't getting paid overtime. A 12-year-old could make this movie, but I'm pretty sure most twelve-year-olds know Batman was already a ninja, if a guy dressed in black sneaking up on people didn't make that incredibly obvious.

Since the story is already a wash, and the Joker is only added in to give both the movie and marketing some teeth, maybe the action is worth the watch? And it is. The choreography, the music, the animation; it feels like watching a masterpiece in kickass drama. I was so hyped when during the beginning watching Batman fight the Joker with the tricked-out Batmobile... and then losing somehow. And then being told over and over again that technology is bad, and that tradition is good, and that technology is bad, and that tradition is-

Later, the Joker, the gorilla, and the other DC villains ride in on giant mecha robots to fight each other over feudal Japan territory. Don't ask how they made those robots, or how the language barrier is gone, or worse, how they built giant robots while dealing with a language barrier. Just know that everyone of the villain characters not only did it, but all the machines actually fit together and can controlled with a wooden chessboard.

Yes. Seriously.

How does Batman fight them? Without any tech, it'll be a huge, perhaps cinematic, challenge to even- oh right! The monkeys can just work together to make a huge monkey man. Then the bats will help for some reason and make a gigantic Batman that is immune to fire. And that will be how they beat the Chessboard Mecha.

YES. SERIOUSLY.

here's a picture.

Now, there are two things I should go over before I put a lid on this ridiculous sham of a film.

One, Batman: Ninja was made for Japan with the specific purpose of introducing Eastern media to the sheer awesomeness of DC comics and the illustrious Batman who is notably tied to it. A lot of the scenes are meant to represent certain historical points in Fedual Japan, like the DC villains fighting for territory, or Joker taking over the Mecha (and the plot), not to mention the Monkeys and bats being summoned by nature gods. It was all meant to serve as subtext for Japan's history. Even the Mecha's are meant to represent Japan's weirdly advanced mechanical puppets from the 1600s. Was it worth it? Hell no. I'm not going to explain how 'story integration' works because I shouldn't have to. If there is literally no connection between every historical nudge in the film and the plot of the movie, then you didn't write a Batman movie, you made an incomprehensible documentary and layered comic book shenanigans over it.

Which leads to my next point, my second thing. Why should I care? A man in a bat suit fighting a mind-control expert genius Gorilla, without guns for personal reasons, is insanely stupid in itself. Why can't I just enjoy the film as it is? My response to that is... I tried. The reason I'm even mad is that I tried. Even with the crap plot, it's hard not to see something like this as... enjoyable fluff, but in reality, is indigestible slop. There are too many what-if moments that go unanswered and far too many WTF moments that go unanswered. It just goes beyond being tolerable or acceptable; it can't be fixed with one moment of Batman turning into a semi-literal Batman. I'm still pissed off by that, by the way. All that build up and we don't see how they changed, what their time did to them, what the point of all the modern world bashing was supposed to be. All it says is that ninjas are cool... if you don't know what a ninja is.

Batman: Ninja is a disappointment. Not too much of a disappointment to stop them from making a sequel, but a disappointment all the same. Seeing it makes me cringe and reminds me why I began to lose interest in Batman movies. People see themselves in the Batman characters too much, characters who are supposed to define instability and impatience with the current world. So instead of stories about how their inherent character fails them and others, we get stories about how some characters weren't that bad, or how they have something in common with historical figures, or how they weren't that great in the first place but if they'll get better if they become a magical ninja. It's bullcrap that a film with this good animation and budget is somehow still a trashy, surface-level toy sales pitch.

I hear the Batman Ninja Manga is good though.

[babyboyblunder]

dick and tim teasing damian my beloved

[flonflonflon]

I will forever miss these two... I have such a soft spot for the Young Justice versions of Jason and Damian sobs

(((when will you return to me I need some level of conclusion some closure

[thenonbinarydetective]

Batman: falling in a broken batwing, could die

His three sons: *watch without moving*

[peppermint-turtles]

i cant believe ive completely forgotten to post my dontello’s cant vocal tones graphics

ft. my completely accidentally movie vs show split

theyre all not good at both but some are worse at certain aspects over others. except for true neutral 07 who is just The Struggler. true neutral equally shitty at both

and some additional clarifying memes as well

[sweeneydino]

Not a mad scientist?

There is no such thing as a non-mad scientist Donatello.

There is, indeed, a part 2 to this, Here

As a celebration of this post ofc 🍾

[the-lumpfish-king]

[gyroballsart]

I love their Batman Ninja designs

[jelllllo-cup]

may contain spoilers for batman ninja vs. yakuza league

pls do not proceed if you don't like spoilers

cue me pointing at the screen every 5 minutes and screeching babiaaaaannnnn

HE SET IT AS HIS LOCK SCREEN OMG

family bonding 💗 then ra's put him in a horse plinko type of cage for the sin of liking california rolls

hiya batman 666 💖

[camo-wolf]

I don’t care what anyone says I’m looking forward to it

[forgetful-nerd]

The index of “how much shit Mikey is in based on how his brothers call his name”:

God help him if he gets called by his full first name.

[ski0k]

batman ninja vs yakuza league is such a treat for people that love dc and anime (me) because what do you mean i get to watch nightwing do a magical girl transformation into a mecha-discowing suit and fight green lantern in the air like a super saiyan? not to mention the RED HOOD DESIGNS?? tim and jason not being neglected in a batman movie??? the bat brothers actually acting like brothers and bruce not being an ass to them???? absolutely top tier.

[babyboyblunder]

dick and jason laughing together is everything

[flonflonflon]

SO. I WATCHED YOUNG JUSTICE. Red Hooded Ninja I need you so bad...... did some more scribbling to cope o(-( Very upset that they did not further elaborate on him / Jason Todd before cancelling the show?? At least. that's what I read everywhere. I'm late to the party as always.. ,,,give me a Nightwing arc including Jason please please please I love his total of 3 minutes of screentime on there, I am so starved I still have hope

[thenonbinarydetective]

Damian's Brothers

oh good everyone else can see it

The most youngest sibling response, I'm sorry Damian

Daiana: Are they your brothers?

Damian: they're just posers who think they came first

Daiana, probably: so that's a yes

[parkjammys]

Red Hood in Batman Ninja vs. Yakuza League