#because yeah i am the type of person who gets mad when I can't find the artists responsible for fire stuff

[emdotcom]

I have a wild, new, & bold suggestion for a tumblr feature:

When a tag is recommended or trending. & It previews some posts IN that tag, (showing you thumbnails of art, for instance,) then maybe.

Clicking on that post. Should show you that fucking post.

[aixicl]

See you again,

Bada Lee x fem reader

Summary: After you both agree to part ways, your paths cross unexpectedly.

Cw: exes :(, angst (?).

Wc: 6k.

Pls read : I’ve decided to put all parts (1 2 & 3) into one single fic because it’s not that long. For the babes that already read the first 2 parts, before the beginning of every chapter I added numbers so I’d be easier for you to scroll to your desired chapter🤍

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡

(1)

''So, you're going to be back soon. Right?''

Soobin asked, her tone uneasy. Even tho you told her numerous times that you won't just disappear forever and once the leaves begin to fall and change colors you'll rock the streets of Seoul again. Until then, you'll fly as far as your wings take you. It's not like you did anything wrong. You decided to leave after all. 

''Wild, young & free'' as some would describe, as she would describe. Until you weren't free anymore, your thoughts kept you imprisoned in your mind. 

''Yeah girlie, you know how hard I worked to get in.'' 

For a long time, you've wondered what you're into—having an identity crisis every time you see her dancing with such passion. You admire her wholeheartedly, but you can't help feeling jealous since there wasn't anything there for you. Your mom took you to piano classes, swimming, and even judo. She tried her best to expand your horizons and you're grateful for that but it never really worked out. Until in your early teens, you discovered your burning passion for writing, having the power to control every reply, scene, or character you desire. It's like the alphabet was made for you just to write cheeky stories that she would giggle at. Words being placed thoughtfully in your love letters to her.

''I can't wait for you to get back home. I will get reallyyy mad if we don't go out drinking before uni." The younger girl giggled over the phone. But the word ''home'' stuck to you like a bandage. You're the type of person that considers ''home'' wherever the heart is but where is your home when your heart is all over the place? 

You're just lying to yourself. You know exactly where home is. Home was the queen-sized bed you once shared, with the messy sheets you were too lazy to arrange since you knew in less than 24 hours it would be the same. Home was the kitchen where you would fail yet another recipe trying to surprise her with a yummy meal after her dance class. Home was anywhere she was really. Too bad she’s so far away now. That doesn’t mean you’re homeless tho. Many tried to offer you a room in their hearts, but it just wasn’t the same. The best you could do was try. Going on dates, even being a fan of dating apps until you gave up. Her presence scarred you so deeply that you subconsciously compared every romantic interest to her, her jokes, her compliments, her touch, her way of being. 

“Did she get in?” the girl who once was your biggest relationship enthusiast asked, knowing how the story unfolded.

“How am I supposed to know? Is there any reason I would be interested? I haven’t spoken to her in months.” 

“Forget it, why are we even talking about her? Call me when you arrive. I’ll talk to Seoyoung and Taeyoung and maybe we can go out and have cheap drinks like we did back in the day!”

You had a happy childhood, loving parents and lots of friends and you even had a best friend since primary school! Funny how a best friend turns into someone you love and then into someone you don't know at all-isn't life funny? 

During the past two months, you traveled around Europe. Finding beautiful places that make you enjoy the moment, finding beautiful people, beautiful moments. Peace. Traveling was one of the things you truly enjoyed. She once promised you’d go to Lyon and Basilicata together. You ended up going by yourself. Maybe it was better this way. 

Even though you were surrounded by people there were still moments when you felt alone and rather than being sad, you tried to enjoy being by yourself and embrace the quiet. Your life was so noisy until it all just stopped. You just accepted it. 

The familiar streets make the corners of your mouth turn upright. The convenience store right around the corner from your childhood apartment, the sun shining brightly on your street, and the kids that just left school flooding the now-crowded street gave you a familiar feeling. Comfort. 

“You are so beautiful.” your mother said while embracing you tightly, clearly noticing the subtle changes in your looks. Your skin is now sun-kissed thanks to Sardinia beach, your hair is slightly shorter and darker since you couldn’t skip the hair salons in Paris, and your cheeks are more plump since you’re not the one to refuse a delicious dish. 

“You just came back and you are leaving again in a few days. If you don’t come to visit me on Sundays I won’t send you any food ever again!” your mom said sarcastically. Truth is, you would like to spend more time with her but now you’re too caught up with the new school year starting. 

You’re officially a student in creative writing & linguistics and even got accepted as #13. Your mother couldn’t help but brag to her friends about your success in joining such a prestigious university. She was shocked. She wasn’t aware you planned to join this university a long time ago, alongside her. 

“How’s Bada? Are you guys still mad? Is an 11 year old friendship worth throwing away?”

Bada was well acquainted with your mother. Sometimes you thought your mom loves her more than she loves you. Bada infiltrated in your life so well that it came as a surprise to everybody that the two best friends who held hands just stopped talking. No reason behind it. 

“You still haven’t told me what happened.”

“Mom please I just arrived home don’t make me wanna leave again” You came off as a bit harsh but Bada was a dead subject to you. At day you would pretend you never came across Bada Lee, at night you would remember the way her hands softly caressed your waist and how your lips perfectly fit hers. You cut her off exactly how your hair stylist cut your split ends in Paris. But hair always eventually grows back.

Your childhood bedroom became the center of your attention for the next seven days as you discovered many random things while packing for uni. Old textbooks from high school, many hair accessories, polaroids with her, some dried up hand cream. Small things that were core memories for you. Your room is being filled up with 2 types of carton boxes: to take & to throw.

Most of the items you decided to throw were just straight up trash, one of her baggy t-shirts that still had her scent on it being included. Some stuff you decided to keep was necessities, toiletries, some pictures you took together just in case you made up again, etc. She was already half out of your heart, the other half made sure your heart was beating rapidly only for her. Did she also throw out your stuff? Did she keep it?? 

Across the street, things were pretty much the same.  

“Make sure you eat well. Did you pack everything?”

Mrs. Lee made sure to check up on her daughter. She was indeed a very caring mother. 

The girl let out a loud sigh saying, “Yeah, I’ll check again before leaving. There's still plenty of time left." 

“You always do that honey, wait until the last minute. Go check it now! We won’t have time to add everything to the boxes in the morning!” said the older woman worriedly. 

She went back to her room. The framed picture on her desk watched her every move, constantly reminding her of what was. Something in her not being able to throw it away, it was already there for 2 years. But sometimes she did turn the photo upside down, usually when she had other women over.

 It was her 17th birthday. Your smiles were brighter than the flashlight itself, your cheeks flushed after so many shots your mother would destroy you for drinking. It was the night your relationship exploded. 

“Is it wrong that I really want to kiss you?” You asked quietly, embarrassed by how close she was, her body firmly pressing against yours.

“Why would it be?” she says flatly. 

As you take a deep breath, you think to yourself: ''Fuck it.'' It doesn't take long for your hands to reach her face. You lean in and kiss her, feeling her heart racing against yours. She melts into your arms, immersing herself in your arms as you explore each other's lips. You pull away and look into her eyes, feeling a connection deeper than anything you've ever felt before. You both smile, savoring the moment and knowing that this is the beginning of something new. The color of your lipstick now staining her lips and her mind. She runs her fingers over your lips feeling the warmth and softness of your skin, as she says softly: 

''This is how it's supposed to be."

 You lean in and kiss her again, this time with more passion and intensity until you have to pull away to catch your breath. That was the first of many makeouts in Bada's bedroom.

In the first place, you were just supposed to change your shirt since somehow a glass of champagne ended up on your clothes, and Bada one way or another managed to trap you in front of the closet. Shit happens.

That night the now dried shirt stuck to your skin, the idea of anything else instead of the girl in front of you being long forgotten. 

To be sincere, you always held the power to pull anything you wanted without really trying. And you pulled Bada Lee into a complete black hole that night. Unaware that your souls are tied so tightly that at one point they'll burst. And unfortunately, that happened faster than any of you anticipated. 

(2)

''You're Y/N, right?" the thrilled girl asked. She had a unique appearance. The mole on her nose easily distinguished her from a crowd you thought. Flashy nails, long hair, bright clothes, and a bubbly personality were the main characteristics of your new roommate.

''Yeah! It seems like we're stuck together for a while. And you are?''

''I'm Hyerim, I'm in the dance department! I love your outfit! Where did you get that cardigan? This color looks flattering on you!" she says rapidly with a wide smile.

You hit the jackpot for the first time in a long time. On your way to the dorm, your thoughts are filled with the idea of having a demon as a roommate. You had already created a scenario of what to do just in case the person you need to spend the whole school year with together is insufferable. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. For the next 2 hours, you and Hyerim had a blast, talking about anything & everything while unpacking. You both laughed and joked around, and you felt a sense of relief when you realized you wouldn't have to deal with a roommate who wasn't pleasant. You two got along great and you were excited to spend the next year together. You just clicked. As the first week of school passed you realized Hyerim was the hyperactive little sister you never had.

''There's this party next door, one of my friends invited me.'' Your new friend proposed as her eyes sparkled with excitement. ''Do you want to go with me? My friend will bring her girlfriend and I don't want to be the third wheel." The girl pouts.

''Sure, I feel like drinking anyway.'' You said chuckling. Back in the day, you attended every party you possibly could, earning admirable alcohol tolerance. You're making people take notice of you tonight since you have the whole pack to survive a frat party.

You and Hyerim took your time carefully arranging every rhinestone around your eyes. There was a heated debate about what lipstick color would look best with her charismatic outfit.

As you stepped into the party, vibrant energy engulfed the house. The music filled every corner, blending with the laughter and already sweaty bodies of many young adults. The dorm was a mess, filled with more alcoholic drinks than you can count. The smell of vanilla body spray and cheap cigarettes reeked in the living room. You genuinely wondered how so many people could fit into such a small apartment. As you scanned the room, you noticed a familiar face. You smiled and waved, and Soobin quickly made her way to you, giving you a warm embrace.

''So it seems like our drinking plan is finally happening." she laughed while scanning you up and down. ''Who are you trying to attract tonight Miss Martini? If I was into women you would've been my first choice.'' Soobin said while smirking.

Earlier while Hyerim went to touch up her makeup, you wandered to the kitchen where you found some unknown version of martini that was already half empty. You didn't care that the now-empty drink would be the cause of your headache tomorrow. All you wanted was to have fun. The alcohol helped you to keep your thoughts foggy. You grabbed one drink after another and gulped it down in one go. You felt a rush of warmth spreading through your body and you felt yourself becoming more confident and daring. You felt like you could take on the world. You danced and sang along with Soobin. You were living in the moment, without a care in the world. You were having the time of your life.

''Y/N I'VE SEARCHED FOR YOU EVERYWHERE!'' Hyerim screamed trying to make her voice louder than the music. The girl next to her looked dumbfounded. ''This is my friend Dohee. I've told you about her before! Her oreo girlfriend will arrive later so until then it's the four of us.'' She said while showing Soobin a big smile.

Meanwhile, Hyerim and Soobin were discussing a movie you've never heard of and your eyes couldn't stop traveling to Dohee's sour expression. It was such a shame, a beautiful girl frowning. Her red-coated luscious lips are paralyzed, the leather jacket accentuating her small figure so well. Whoever is making the alluring-looking women wait is a real loser, you think. But you're here, with her, right now, in the moment. Who can blame you for wanting to steal a smile from the girl's face?

''I guess your girlfriend is not coming hm?'' You asked quietly, trying not to make the girl explode. She looks like she could burst into crying any moment now. While asking her, you carefully put your arm around her shoulders.

''Yeah. She stood me up again." Dohee sighed then went on and told you how the girl whose appearance won't be seen tonight isn't actually her girlfriend but rather a friend with benefits she's too scared to admit she has feelings for. She told you the unknown woman told her she wasn't interested in any emotional relationship and she just had to accept it. You wondered if the cause of her being so open about this subject was the cup full of plain vodka or if she just was so desperate for someone to hear her out, to look into her soulful eyes and say ''I care''. Regardless of that, you were ready to be there for her even if it was for a short time.

''She's such a fool. I hope you're aware of that. Someone like you doesn't deserve to be treated like that, tossed around like a simple washcloth. Forget about her tonight. Things will get better like they always have.'' You told her while giving a genuine smile, slowly putting your hand on top of hers.

''You really mean that?'' She says smirking while looking at your hands that are now intertwined.

One conversation led to another, and you and Dohee ended up outside sharing a cigarette she pulled from her bra. Even tho you met only 3 hours ago the silence between you two wasn't awkward, but rather comforting. The moon shone down, illuminating your faces as you stood together. Dohee couldn't help but ask you:

"You look familiar. Are you sure our paths haven't crossed before?" Her expression grows nervous. She knew exactly where she saw you before but was too drunk and confused to link things.

''If I had seen you before I would've remembered, but besides that, I doubt I would've let you go." You respond confidently with a grin.

''I've told you so much about me and I don't really know anything about you.." She told you wistfully.

You went on and told her small details about you, such as your 2 month trip and your passion for writing. Nothing too significant but enough to be considered an acquaintance instead of a stranger. She took a moment and studied your face, admiring the eyes she was jealous of every time her romantic interest forgot to hide the picture on her desk. No wonder Bada kept your picture somewhere visible. You were too beautiful to not be looked at. Maybe that's why Bada hid the picture every time she came over, to not fall in love with you instead of her. At first, she envied you for looking so happy next to her. She envied the fact that Bada's smile looked genuine next to yours. Two stars standing next to each other so closely couldn't be any good she thought, unaware of the fact that you and Bada eventually collided, merging into an even brighter star than you currently are. Unfortunately, that star didn't survive long as it was pulled into a black hole, but it died gloriously in a tidal disruption event.

She smiled and gave you a warm look. She took your hand in hers and brought you closer, her touch sending a spark of electricity through your body. It's been a while since you kissed someone but you sure wouldn't mind her touch. When the gap between you closed, your cherry lips met her strawberry ones. Weird combination of flavors but it works. One bitter and the other one sweet.

Your hands shamelessly roam her body, not knowing in the distance that someone is enjoying this as much as you. Instead of focusing on the one she spent the last night with, her eyes are only focusing on your figure, observing the way you fiercely grab the other girl's hips pulling her even closer to you. It's been a while since she last saw you, especially like this but you still managed to make her freeze on the spot. For a moment Bada recalled a time when you simply kissed her. It wasn't something meaningful at all, just how your plump lips sat on hers. At the same time, it was amusing for her that you just kissed the girl she casually used to forget about the emotions she drowned in because of you. Following her heart always leads her to you.

Dohee pulled away when her phone suddenly rang, her face suddenly becoming bitter. You went inside to give her privacy. In the living room, you find Soobin and Hyerim ''dancing'' if it even can be called that, barely being capable of standing on their own feet. They quickly pull you into their little dancing circle forcing you to dance with them. There was no choice other than to give in and take pictures to have a good laugh later on. The laughter didn't last long as Dohee came in with the tall, 2 colored hair woman holding hands.

''What the fuck..'' Soobin whispered to you while catching a glimpse of Bada.

You were drunk but not drunk enough to not notice Bada and her changed appearance. The once blue hair you encouraged her to dye was gone, now weirdly but cutely resembling an oreo and one thing about oreos is that you couldn't resist them, being ideal for your picky taste buds. The not overly sweet cookie fits your dessert criteria perfectly, just like you and Bada's hands fit each other perfectly but that was long forgotten.

''There they are! Let's play spin the bottle now!" Hyerim exclaimed while sending Dohee a wink. It was obvious she was trying to make her friend happy and maybe give her the chance to kiss the girl she spent sleepless nights crying over. However, Hyerim wouldn't let her teenagey thoughts win if she knew the way Bada used to smile at you, nevertheless, it was too late for that because you and a few other people gathered in a circle.

Hyerim went over the ''rules'' quickly, saying if you don't want to kiss the other person you have to take a shot of whatever alcohol was left. Everyone agreed, eagerly to kiss one another or just drink some more. In the first round, the bottle landed on Hyerim and Soobin. They shared a peck playfully without any hesitation. You were up next, the cap of the bottle stopped between Bada and Dohee, the in-love girl clearly not thinking it through because she was too excited to be staying so close to the woman next to her, obviously they won't kiss at all since they aren't sitting on the opposite of each other.

''Okay Y/N who are you gonna kiss??" Hyerim said full of curiosity, a little afraid of the decision you have to make.

''You don't have to kiss anyone Y/N. It's just a stupid game.'' Soobin babbled.

''Dohee.'' You said firmly while looking straight into her eyes. She couldn't handle all the eyes on her, especially yours and Bada's so her view dropped to the bottle in front of her.

''I-'' Dohee gasped trying to form a sentence unsuccessfully, not only because of her drunken state and emotions but because another voice chimed in.

"Kiss her." Bada assented. "It's not like you haven't kissed her before. Kiss her." She repeated smirking while your eyes locked. You won't lie, the multi-colored hair really fits her, just as she thought about how well the rhinestones make your eyes pop.

You grabbed Dohee's face and kissed her. Now you'd blame it on the martini but you specifically bit her lip just right in order to earn a moan from her and a sneer from Bada.

''I'm so calling Taeyoung right now..'' Soobin mumbled trying to remember her passcode in order to call your friend to tell her the shit show she just missed.

(3)

The atmosphere in the room was thick with tension and unspoken words, especially between you, Dohee, and Bada. The game of spinning the bottle continued, but your mind was elsewhere, replaying the moment your lips met Dohee's and the mixed emotions that flashed across Bada's face.

After a few more rounds and a couple of awkward kisses, the game fizzled out, the participants either too drunk or too distracted by their own thoughts. Hyerim, with her ever-bubbling energy, suggested a change in activity, but the mood had shifted. The party was winding down, people were starting to leave or find a spot to crash for the night.

You decided to step outside for a breath of fresh air, the stuffiness of the room becoming too much. As you leaned against the railing of the small balcony, you felt the cool night air brush against your skin, sobering you up a bit. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess, images of Dohee's surprised face and Bada's unreadable expression swirling in your mind.

"Mind if I join you?" a voice asked from behind. You turned to see Bada stepping out onto the balcony, closing the door behind her. The noise from the party became a dull murmur, giving you both a semblance of privacy.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here tonight." you said, trying to keep your voice steady.

Bada leaned against the railing beside you, looking out into the night. "I could say the same about you." she replied. "Seems like we both can't escape each other's orbit, no matter how hard we try. Every time I forget about us you hunt me down." She giggled, earning a chuckle from you.

The silence that followed was heavy, laden with unspoken words and memories of a past relationship that had ended in a whirlwind of emotions. You both knew that whatever had been between you was in the past, yet the remnants of those feelings still lingered.

As the moon cast a shimmering glow on the sandy beach, Bada and you found yourselves walking hand in hand along the shoreline. The sound of crashing waves provided a soothing soundtrack to the unspoken connection between you. With each step, the love between you became replaced by a renewed sense of fear. It might be time to stop swimming into the Sea, maybe it's time to dry yourself off from the sticky saltwater that's been on your skin for so long that it started cracking. As your wounds started to deepen the saltwater couldn't be any good. The stinging sensation was trying to catch your attention, to alarm you that something was wrong but to no avail. You kept swimming and swimming until you couldn't see the shore anymore. That's when you realized you had got lost. In your next life maybe you'll be a fish, that way you and the Sea wouldn't hurt each other. In the one after that maybe you'll be a dog, sleeping at the foot of your owner's bed if it means you get to be on it. You will be just like how she loves you. You will continue to be patient, just as you were in this lifetime. Maybe in another life if it couldn't be in this one.

''I didn't think we'd grow apart so soon.'' Bada's husky voice made goosebumps spread all over your body as her face was now close to your ear, back hugging you. ''You're the first person who made me feel something. I'll forever cherish the moments I had with you.''  As Bada's whispered words reached your ear, a bittersweet mixture of longing and nostalgia flooded your heart. In that moment, you couldn't help but feel a pang of regret for the lost connection, yet also a deep appreciation for the love that had once blossomed between you.

''I knew you were going to leave me but it still hurts.'' Your breathy words managed to escape your throat.

''Thank you for letting me go Y/n because I would not have walked away.'' The emotions of longing and nostalgia washed over you like a tidal wave, reminding you of the way your soul intertwined with Bada's. Each memory, each stolen glance and each word you shared replayed in your mind, leaving you yearning for the future that slowly drifts away, as easy as it comes and as easy as it goes.

Bada hugged you one last time, her arms embracing you so hard that her scent lingered on your shirt-and that was the last thing she ever offered you.

"Why did you tell Dohee to kiss me?" you finally asked, breaking the silence.

Bada turned to look at you, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. "Because I know you, Y/n. I know that even if you're trying to move on, a part of you is still stuck in the past. With me. I don't want it to be that way."

You swallowed hard, the truth in her words stinging. "And what about you, Bada? Are you stuck in the past too?"

She hesitated, then let out the answer you already knew. "Maybe. Maybe part of me never really left our bed. But I also know that we can't go back. Too much has happened. And that's okay."

''There was a time when I thought I'd know you forever.'' your reply seemed to suck any thought Bada even had in the first place, leaving her speechless.

Finally, Bada spoke up again. "Look, Y/n, I don't know what the future holds for us, whether we're meant to be in each other's lives or not. But I do know that I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me."

Her words were sincere, and you felt a warm sensation in your chest, a feeling that maybe it was time to truly let go and move forward.

"Thank you, Bada," you said softly. "I want the same for you."

''Is this our goodbye?'' You dared to ask.

"You know I don't believe in goodbyes."

With those final words, you both shared a smile, acknowledging the end of a long and tangled chapter and the beginning of another. As you went back inside, leaving Bada alone with her thoughts, you realized that the night had brought more than just a party; it had brought a sense of closure you never got on the night when you and the Sea decided your love was too powerful so it might cause a tsunami. You felt a sense of uncertainty about what the future held, hoping that somehow she'd be at the end of your path.

That night was the last time you ever saw Bada Lee up close. Your eyes involuntary checked her instagram profile every once in a while or if you were lucky sometimes you'd spot her around uni, your sight being glued to her; your burning stare was never enough to make her turn around tho but still, you couldn't help yourself but think maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for something new to grow from the ashes of the past. Until you dropped that idea because you realized:

one fish would never be big enough to fill the whole Sea.

Authors note: This fic sucked the soul out of me lol ALSO I'm starting a taglist <3 comment if you want to be added or dm me.

taglist: @venuszn

[dbnightingale24]

Love Me or Just Let Me Go

A Jonathan Crane Love Story

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Look who's back and trying to find her footing again 🙃 sorry for the delay, but between my mental health and personal life, things weren't going well and I needed a break. ANYWAY, I'm back with a new series (as well as ready off a few others), and I hope you all enjoy it! I really missed posting.

Just in time for Halloween, Dr. Jonathan Crane. I just figured (as I start to branch out) it's time to write about my favorite Scarecrow. I'm sorry this is so damn long (I really am), but I hope you all enjoy it! Since Tumblr is still on its bullshit, I can only post part of it here, but the full post will be on AO3 (I'll leave the link). As always, thank you @fuckingbye for the amazing moodboard. I love you!

Word Count: 56,703 (I said I was sorry)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI), Swearing, Drinking, Degrading Kink, Car Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Smoking, Arguing, Family Drama, Angst, Mentions of Abuse, Fluff (ish), Childhood Trauma, Self Hate, Revenge, Loneliness, Trust Issues, Mental Health (or lack thereof)...I think I handled everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: Man, You Make It Easy For Me. So, Why Can't I Make You Love Me?

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I do not give permission/consent for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this kind of behavior or relationship, this is for entertainment purposes only.

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“Doctor Crane,” you smile sweetly as your favorite patron makes his way to the counter.

Your smile may be sweet, but you know your eyes show the same thing they always do whenever he shows up: pure desire and lust. The coy smile he always returns lets you know that he’s very well aware of the effect he has on you.

Effect.

“Same as always?”

“Coffee, black, please,” he smiles as he pulls out his wallet.

“New admittance at Arkham?” you ask, turning and starting on his second usual

At least three times a month, he orders a black coffee.

“No, but it is late night for work.”

“When isn’t it in Gotham?” you scoff, placing the lid on his drink.

“How about you?” he asks, handing you a twenty.

“What about me?”

“Another late night?”

“I’m the only one brave enough to close the store, so yeah. I always have a late night,” you laugh softly, taking his money while typing the amount into the register.

“Gotham doesn’t scare you?”

“Well, I’m sure you’ve met my Mother already, and I witnessed what drove her to madness, because I saw my Father’s death, so no. Gotham doesn’t scare me.”

“Your Mother...” he trails off as he looks you over, “Y/M/N?”

“I’m surprised you’re just figuring it out,” you laugh handing him back his change. “Everyone always said I look just like her, but I’m guessing the piercings, dyed hair, and tattoos have changed my appearance a bit.”

“Your Mother is quite the character.”

“You’re putting it nicely.”

“Keep it,” he says, gently pushing your hand back.

“The coffee was only two dollars.”

“Your company is always worth much more than that,” he laughs. “If you don’t mind me asking, how were you able to handle it so well?”

“If I tell you that, there will be no reason for you to come around for your afternoon tea, will there? Besides, you’ve got a late night of work ahead of you, and I’ve got ungrateful customers to tend to,” you smirk, cocking an eyebrow.

“Guess I’ll just have to ask again tomorrow.”

“Play your cards right and you may just get an answer,” you shrug and he laughs.

“You have a good night, Y/N.”

“You too, Dr. Crane.”

“Jonathan.”

“Jonathan Crane,” you smile as he grabs his coffee, nods, and walks away.

And just like that, he was gone. It’s the same conversation every day, today a little more telling just because he knows a bit (or a lot depending on how you look at it) about you. It’s always the same amount of small talk, flirty eye on your part, and him looking as if he’s interested but knows better. Smart on his part.

Sure, he deals with crazies, but he’s never dealt with you.

For the rest of the evening, you live in the feeling of that little exchange. Yeah, the man looks like he can’t carry a bookcase, but you know it’s all an act. You’re not dumb. You’ve heard whispers about Dr. Jonathan Crane, and most of it isn’t pleasant. It’s most definitely in your best interest to stay away, especially considering that your Mother is a patience at his place of work, but you can’t stop yourself. Beside, you live in Gotham.

It’s not like you have a ton of “good guys” to choose from.

You can’t pin down exactly what draws you to him, but you know that you can’t turn it off. You’ve tried multiple times. From the first time you laid eyes on him, you wanted him. No, you needed him, in the most unnatural way. Maybe it’s from living in Gotham all your life but, for whatever reason, you feel a sense of security when he comes in.

Yeah, you’ve definitely been in Gotham for too long.

“You’re sure you’re okay to close up all by yourself?” your co-worker Michael asks as he grabs his backpack off of the coat rack, while the last customer scurries out.

“I do it every night, Mike,” you scoff, wiping down the counter. “Get home safe.”

“Ya know, working with you is hard,” he sighs and you start laughing. “What?! It’s true! You’re the only one ever willing to close up shop-”

“It gives me a thrill,” you smirk with a cocked eyebrow. “Go home and tell Josh that you fought off a mugger, if it’ll help your ego.”

“He’d kill me if I ever tried to stop crime from happening,” he laughs softly. “You sure you’re okay, babe?”

“I promise. Get home safe.”

“You too,” he nods before walking out. 

You lean against the counter, pull out your phone, and scroll through all the evening news you’ve missed. 

Another raping, another stabbing, another kidnapping....it’s all just another day in Gotham. You don’t even bother to look up when you hear the front door open and close.

“If you want coffee, you’ve come to the right place. If you want anything else, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong damn shop,” you mumble as an article about Arkham Asylum catches your eye.

You may not see your Mother often, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about her.

“How about a cup of tea?” a familiar voice asks.

You look up to see Dr. Jonathan Crane standing at the counter, small smile tugging on his lips, but his hair is out of place.

“Rough night, Doc?” you question, pushing yourself up with your foot, making your way over to the kettle and setting it up. 

“What makes you say that?”

“Your hair is out of place and there’s a bit of blood on your glasses, and the lapel of your shirt.”

“You’re more observant than I thought.”

“You’ve thought about me?” you tease, pulling out his his favorite tea powder.

Ginseng.

“More than you think.”

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re a mystery.”

“I’m sure you’ve met far more interesting subjects than me. You’ve already met my Mother.”

“While she is very much a fun case to study, now that I know she’s your Mother, you’re much more...complex.”

“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” you laugh, finishing up his drink before pouring it in a to-go cup. “That’s the nicest way I’ve ever been called insane.”

“Far from insane, Y/N. Very far. More like-”

“Troubled?” “Not that either...a to-go cup?”

“You’ve never been one to sit and stay since you started working at the Asylum.”

“A good point. What else do you know about me?”

“Nothing.”

“What else have you heard about me?”

“Things I’m sure you don’t wanna hear about,” you promise, looking him over as you lean against the counter. “No charge. You get home safe.”

“You see blood on my glasses and my shirt, but tell me to get home safe?”

“Who am I to judge?”

“You know, this day has been very telling about you but, at the same time, I feel like I know you less than I did before.”

“If I’m not keepin’ ya guessing, what’s the point of our lovely little chats?”

“Who says that I need these little moments to keep me interested?”

“Show me that you don’t.”

“Have a drink with me and I will,” he smiles coyly, mischief in his eyes.

Every red alarm in your brain goes off, but you’ve never bothered to listen to them before, so why start now?

You poured yourself a cup of coffee and slowly made your way from around the counter, ignoring the the sirens as they grow louder and louder, and sit across from him at the small table. 

“Jonathan,” you smile, mischief dancing around in your own eyes as you take a sip of your coffee. “Take your best shot.”

“What do you fear?” he asks with a cocked eyebrow and you scoff. “What?”

“What do you think I fear?”

“I can’t get a read on you.” “That’s fair, I guess,” you shrug, swirling the coffee in your cup around a bit. “I’ll tell you what I fear if you tell me something about you. I’ll know if you’re lying, so don’t try it,” you proposition, meeting his gaze with a devilish glint in your eye.

You really shouldn’t be playing this game.

An evil smirk spreads across his face before he responds with, “I’m the one who created the fear toxin.”

‘Will you stop fucking playing this game?! Tell him you need to get home!’ your brain begs, but you’re just starting to have fun.

You’ve never been good at doing what’s in your best interest.

“That tracks,” you shrug before taking a sip of your coffee.

“It tracks?”

“You work at the Asylum, no one in this city really has a good and clean record-”

“Oh? What’s on your record?”

“I put laxatives in drinks of customers who piss me off,” you tell him nonchalantly and laugh and when he practically chokes on his tea. “What? I don’t seem capable?”

“For some reason, I thought it would be something along the lines of murder.”

“No, I’m afraid the only thing I’ve ever really broken is hearts.”

“Why’s that?”

“I learned very early in life to never get too attached to anyone in Gotham. Never works out well for me.”

“Your parents?”

“Parents, first real love, last serious relationship. I fuck until I’m bored and then I leave.”

There’s a flicker of something in his eyes, but you can’t tell what it is. It’s not disdain or disappointment, but more along the lines of...shock? Confusion.

“So, you have fear of abandonment?” he asks as your timer goes off.

“Well, it’s time for me to close up shop, Dr. Crane,” you smile, getting up making your way back behind the counter with your half full cup of coffee.

“I didn’t take you as someone who’s a liar,” he comments and you don’t miss the irritation in his tone.

“I never said I wouldn’t tell you, I said it’s time for me to close up shop. However, I do like having this effect on you.”

“And what effect is that?”

“Rattling your cage.”

“Oh, you do much more than that, and I think you’ve known that for quite some time.”

“Oh, but Doctor Crane, this is the first time you’ve ever had the balls to court me,” you smirk over your shoulder and he laughs.

“How long does it usually take you to close up shop?”

“As long as I want it to. Why do you ask?”

“Do you have any plans tonight?”

“Do you want me to?”

“I figured we could...take a walk around the city.”

“You’re a very confident man, Dr. Crane.”

“No one’s gonna touch me out there.”

“And what on earth would we talk about on this little walk?”

“You.”

“Your obsession with me is cute. I like it a lot.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s an obsession, more like...fascination.”

“And what’s so fascinating about little old me?” you ask, covering the tops of all the different syrups. 

“Like I said,” he responds softly right behind you, causing you to jump, “because you’re a mystery.”

Oh, you’re fucking in it now. 

~~

You can read the full story here

~~

tags: @autumnrose40

[beanghostprincess]

Pudding and Usopp should be friends me thinks. Usopp hears about everything that happened to Sanji on WCI and is fully prepared to hate her guts no matter what anyone says and then it’s slightly mad at himself when he actually likes her. I have a very specific image of Sanamipu bff dynamic in my head I can’t really describe but I’m having it. The type of people who think of themself as some of the more sane people in the group and sure, they get the idiot ball just a tiny bit less often when they are all together and snarking, but when they get it they slam dunk it so hard the entire court shatters.

I AGREE COMPLETELY!!!!!!!!! This would be so funny, too 😭 (Making this Sanusona as I always do) Usopp finds out about what happened back on WCI and he hates Pudding. Sanji keeps telling him to see it from a different angle. That it wasn't really Pudding's fault and she was being manipulated by her mom. That she actually helped them in the end. But Usopp doesn't like her- Not only because she did what she did, but also because he can't stand the way Sanji talks about her. Ngl, I think Usopp isn't a jealous person, but he is very insecure and Sanji being fond of the girl he almost ends up marrying makes him a bit sick. But, yeah. Final saga, they rescue Pudding, and she meets the Strawhats. Usopp is fully prepared to be her worst enemy no matter what! But- But she's actually really nice? And cute? And really, really funny? And he can't hate her. He tries to be angry at her but she's cooking sweets for everyone and even though she has this weird on-and-off personality when it comes to Sanji... She has a good heart. But Usopp keeps pretending that he hates her because he's a proud idiot and he won't admit he was wrong about her. Sanji just tells him to get his shit together already and enjoy their time together because otherwise, he'll regret it (funny that he's the one saying that as if he wasn't equally as stubborn. That frustrated Usopp more). I think Pudding would actually make amends with them, you know, since I doubt Nami and Luffy could forgive her that easily. But they end up getting along with her when she apologizes (when Sanji isn't around because if he is in front of her she'll end up yelling without wanting to). Usopp doesn't buy it. I mean- He does buy it. He just doesn't want to. So Pudding talks to him in private and explains her situation and apologizes and says she understands if he doesn't want to forgive her. She almost marries his boyfriend, after all. And she has hurt him in multiple ways. And she has broken his heart. It's understandable if Usopp wants to hate her so bad. But the guy is soft against that and Usopp believes people can change. Besides, he knows what being insecure about your appearance and status is, especially if it has to do with a parent. So they end up getting along. The same thing happens with Nami, actually. Imagine trying to forget what Pudding did to their cook. Nami is going feral cat mode against her. If looks could kill, y'know... But! But she saw with her own eyes how Pudding helped them out and she knows what it feels like. To act like somebody you're not. And yeah, okay, the girl might be a little bit insane but it could be worse. And when she's acting like a normal person, she's a sweetheart. So Usopp ends up befriending her quickly, while Nami accepts her and embraces her friendship, but not without the typical "But I swear, if you do anything remotely bad to him again I am not hesitating to electrocute you and throw you overboard. Understood? Understood. Glad we had this chat, bestie". So, uh, yeah- At least they're friends now.

And let me tell you-- It's chaotic. Sanji thought he would be devastated if they didn't get along, but now that they do... Sanji is losing his mind. They're all crazy. He's living his dream, you know. His dear Pudding is friends with his partners. Great. Yeah. Uh. Pudding is teaching Usopp how to use a revolver, which makes sense since he is a sniper and he's curious about guns. That makes sense. But she's also telling Nami manipulation tactics and the navigator couldn't be happier. And you might think that's it, but then you have Usopp showing off his abilities and Nami giving tangerines to Pudding so she can make sweets with them. Which is adorable and cute and Sanji loves every second of it, but it's like they planned this to make him go insane. His poor heart can't handle this. He's going to die. They're a menace to society. Honestly? An unstoppable trio. They manipulate, gaslight, and Sanji malewifes. If they don't like you and you have something they want they probably will steal that from you using either manipulation, burglar tactics or, you know, a gun. Perfect trio. They're also Sanji's protection squad. And also they're the ones who scold him when he doesn't behave. He's a bit scared of them but like, in a good way? And they also look after him a lot so it's alright. And besides, Sanji is kind of like their knight in shining armor too because he gets extra violent if something happens to any of them.

Isn't it just,,, Such a cute picture to imagine Sanji and Pudding cooking while Usopp and Nami work on their own things at the dining table while they keep them company? I find it cute,, They're all a bit crazy but it's fine.

[moonlit-positivity]

Gonna be problematic on main for minute here.

Self awareness is good and all but don't let the criticisms of others become your own inner voice of awareness.

That is the biggest thing I see in BPD recovery spaces. "It sucks to be so self aware and to not be able to stop."

So change the way you think about it when you're aware of it.

"I am allowed to have this moment, even though I know it doesn't feel too good for myself right now."

"I am allowed to have these thoughts and feelings right now, even though I feel like they're wrong and I shouldn't feel this way. This is okay, too."

"I know I'm trying really hard to change, but I can't be perfect all the time. This moment is fine, too. I am allowed to feel this way. We will work with it until I can do better."

Self awareness without compassion is just self loathing.

Work really hard on being the nurturing voice of acceptance you wish someone could give you in those moments.

Yes, you're allowed to change the way you talk to yourself.

So hey stinky that's not too problematic right? Well here's the problematic parts.

Even when you're doing something you feel is bad and you feel like you need to change it but you can't. Even if someone has told you to change your ways or made you feel insecure because you can't do that right now, all you can do is repeatedly do the harmful behavior.

Reaffirming these harsh types of thoughts (aka judgements) just makes it worse. The compulsions to engage in the harmful behavior becomes a battle of autonomy and control rather than a genuine motivation to do better. Changing behavior takes a very long time to get comfortable with the very idea of change in itself. You can't do that if you're stuck repeating how awful of a person you feel, or how awful someone has made you feel, for not being able to immediately change it, or taking too long to change. Regardless of who is telling you that. Your ability to change your behavior does not depend on the people around you who dictate and control your autonomy and force you to do so in a harmful or unpleasant or judgemental manner. Please recognize and understand this as soon as you possibly can.

So why do I bring that up? Because as people with BPD this world is filled with other people who don't have BPD and many times our messiness clashes and interferes and causes issues with those around us.

And if you're someone who's been forced by others into therapy or told you're a problematic piece of shit and you need to get your life together, well. This one is for you.

There are gonna be times in our lives that we cause irreparable harm to those around us, and they're gonna be pissed the fuck off about it, rightfully so as they do have that right.

So if & when it's a situation of you causing repeated harm to yourself or to someone else and they're mad at you for it, then please recognize when it's time to separate yourself from this situation so you can self care without harming them or them harming you in the process.

This can be a very difficult thing to work through when you're in recovery. But even more so when you're forced into recovery. We never talk about that out loud. But we do still live in a day and age that people get shoved into hospitalization and thrown into someone else's idea of health and stability before we were ever really able to even comprehend what the fuck was happening to begin with. And sometimes it's because they're genuinely concerned for our health.

But sometimes it can be calculated and cruel and an act of control in itself. To be forced into involuntary institutionalization is one of the most heartbreaking acts of betrayal someone can go through.

So at the end of the day, if someone is constantly on your ass about the way you behave, please take that as the sign that you need to separate and find space so everyone involved can destress and heal and process on their own.

Because yeah you know, sometimes changing behavior doesn't work as fast as the other people in our lives can tolerate. And that's fair and valid. In these situations its more prudent to be concerned with the aggressions and the attitudes of all involved, so you don't cause further harm than what's already been done.

Tldr; please learn how to recognize when you need to get the fuck on from people, for whatever reason that may be. Don't internalize that shit. Don't dwell on it. It sucks that it happens. But you're still allowed to cultivate compassion for yourself even if & when someone has called you a problematic asshole. You're fine. You're still a good person. Just don't expect them to be the ones to tell you that.

[twst-hanaya]

TWST Book 7 Chapter 5 Thoughts:

Spoilers under the cut, also I'm basically typing this out as I play so it's like a liveblog sort of.

Malenora is That Bitch

Sorry, ahem. Malenora is a QUEEN (technically a Princess but my point stands)

Absolutely loving her design aaaaahhhh! The horns! The headpiece! The DRIP!

Sorry, I'll try to stop simping.

You can see such an intense resemblance between Malenora and Malleus obviously in appearance but also personality.

They both breathe confidence and self assurance because they're so powerful, both are fairly temperamental, though Malenora seems to be more brash and lashes out with tantrums while Malleus - perhaps due to his father - tends to sulk more than he does explode with anger, though the lightning and bad weather happens with both of them.

Moving on, her relationship with Lilia is interesting. You definitely get the sense that he may have harbored romantic feelings for her when they were younger but at this point truly loves her as something even beyond that, and different.

I swear I nearly started crying in public when they were squabbling over Lilia taking the Egg and leaving Malenora to fight the Knight of Dawn and Lilia was like I can't love this baby for you, I've never loved anybody, I still need you, this baby needs you.

And Malenora fucking hits him with You love me. You love Levan - there simply isn't any way for you not to love our child when you love us so much.

Oh shit I'm crying just typing that.

Anyway

And you know it really hit me in that moment that Lilia's earlier comments about not liking weak things like children - it isn't true, not even then. To love something powerless and weak and fragile means risking your own heart. Just as easily as they could lose their life, you could break your own heart. Lilia has always been afraid.

And when he lost Malenora - someone who he loved, who was the strongest person he knew - died anyway, and left her Love in and Egg, he had to accept that being hurt wasn't something anyone could live without risking.

Moving on, the Knight of Dawn is still a mystery to me, but he doesn't actually seem evil. Apparently he's an orphan who owes a life debt to the previous King, and is in a relationship with the princess Reia. And of course he helped the entourage escape with the Egg - an act I think ultimately saved Silver's life and Lilia's own humanity, among the other obvious things.

Henrik also needs to fucking die what a goddamn bastard KILL HIM MALENORA (I know she doesn't make it but I think she should still get to kill this dude AT LEAST)

Silver losing his shit is kind of understandable after all this, I get it. It hurts me to see him blame himself for literally just being born though he did nothing wrong he was an ACTUAL BABY PLEASE THINK RATIONALLY. Literally if anyone else were out in that situation you know this doofus would be like yeah literally none of this was your fault of course you deserve to live and be happy. But shits not that easy I get it.

Also I actually laughed a little during that scene where Lilia finds baby Silver and he's like STOP CRYING BITCH YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT

Like dude I get you're mad at yourself and all but your still yelling at a literal baby please stop 😭

Oh bonus points, I ALSO cried when I found out Lilia's Unique Magic is literally called Farcry Cradle. Like. This man who insisted for literal centuries that he wasn't capable of warmth or love and that he didn't like weak things or children and his UM called FARCRY CRADLE.

全ては過ぎ去る日のようにどこへ向かうもの瞬きの間よ、遠くの揺りかごまで

Also Silver was BLONDE???

Also Malleus being like Aw Shit, What Do I Do With This Thing with baby Silver was great. Love that.

Also totally forgot to just say I'm a bit shook that Silver was actually frozen in time for 100+ years and not a descendent. Was genuinely not expecting that.

Also got me FUCKED UP with the acorn bracelet being a gift from child!Silver like how much more emotional damage am I going to have to endure exactly

NOOO BABY OF COURSE LILIA LOVES YOU

Sidenote child Sebek and Silver are adorable

Cackling at child Sebek having Zero Chill.

He'll yeah, Sebek Unique Magic! "Living Bolt" is very appropriate for him! Pimp slap that boy (Silver) awake!

Silver: Malleus and Lilia probably hate me.

Me, out loud: shut the fuck up. Stop letting your lizard brain control you!

Sebek: *proceeds to immediately deck him*

Good job Sebek!

Sebek is so baby honestly.

Sebek is so right, what a king. I really love how Sebek shows Silver that he's loved. Look at how strong you are - who gave you that strength (love?)

Also I'm always a sucker for that trope when a character who doesn't have any self confidence ends up accusing the people who love them of lying, and really their own self-denegration ends up hurting the very people they care about. How hurtful and insulting it is to have your own moral character and your heartfelt affection for a person be tossed aside in favor of propping up someone's self hatred.

When Silver was like they cant love me and Sebek really said don't you fucking disrespect me or Lilia-Sama like that again. Yeah.

Thankfully Silver regains some clarity and they move along shounen-style, very good.

Oh man the battles for this chapter were actually kind of a pain.

Also tbh I don't know how to feel about them using a recolored version if Silver's 2D rig for the Knight of Dawn. It looks off, personally.

Also in a separate post I made, I said Malleus was like an uncle in their quartet but this whole Book has made it fairly clear that he's more of an older brother. With how long it takes for fae to mature, especially long-lived ones like Dragons, it's clear that Malleus is more like a 16 year old whose parents suddenly busted out a new kid.

I'm tired Goodnight

[restinsodaroni]

I'll try posting the FAQ this way lol, hopefully this works better! So read below to see the asks I will and won't accept or answers to common questions I get! I'll be linking this in my pinned post!

Alright! Please read this before sending in an ask!

REMEMBER AN ACTUAL PERSON (Me) RUNS THIS ACCOUNT NOT SUN OR MOON! KEEP THAT IN MIND BEFORE SENDING ANYTHING!! THANK YOU!!

🚫Evidently I am going to have to be stricter now since I have been creeped out numerous times on here. So yeah I will be blocking folks who keep disregarding my boundaries or just being impolite! Sorry! 🚫

Hey so please don't:

• Send me any questions that ask about what would Sun and Moon do if you were harming yourself no matter the severity or the circumstances. It makes me uncomfortable and I shouldn't have to explain why.

• Spam the same ask especially everyday! That is not gonna get me to answer you. Spamming = Block I am not going to be lenient about this anymore!

• Send me an ask to change Y/N's body type.

Here's a post where I talk about said boundaries.

Can I draw you fanart or send you a fic centered around your AU?

How do you pronounce your Username?

It's rest in sodaroni ! It's a play on the phrase rest in pepperoni. I made a joke about it a while ago with my sibling and decided to make it my username lol. Yes I know separating the words would have been ideal, but I'm not changing it now!

Sure you can! As long as it’s sfw then its fine!

Are you ok with nsfw being sent to you?

I am not! I’d like to keep this blog sfw please! 

How come you haven’t answered my ask?

Well that’s because I get sent A LOT of asks. And a majority of them need comic responses which takes time to do. Not to mention my schedule is pretty hectic, even when I have free time I don't know if I'll have time to myself lol.

And I have other projects, art, and my Daycare Attendant fics I want to work on too sometimes. So just know if you send in an ask it may take me a while to answer it!

Also I may not have a good idea how to answer your ask at the time. Or I'm just overwhelmed at the moment lol 😅 And please don't spam the same ask in my inbox. Spamming = Block

Where can I read your fanfics?

You can read them right here!

‼️ Disclaimer! Please read the tags and summary for either fics! I don't want you to be blindsided when you find out the fic isn't 100% fluff or wholesome! Just gonna give you a heads up lol ‼️

When will the next chapter of your fic(s) be out?

I promise you I'm working on it! It just takes me longer because of the drawings since I am putting more effort into them now!

Can I use one of your drawings as an icon, wallpaper, etc?

Yeah that’s fine!

Why did you draw Sun, Moon, or Eclipse like *Insert questions here*?

Why does anyone draw the way they do? Because I wanted to lol, and I like how it looks. That's basically it haha.

Can you draw me/myoc/my sun and moon/a meme?

Sure! But please send a picture of what you want me to draw! I got a handful of asks that requested this but sent me no reference photos so I don’t know what to draw lol.

Also don't send me drawing prompts of your characters/You getting too intimate with Sun and Moon or even Y/n. (Yes, I have to add Y/n on here now...)

If you want a hug cool, anything more than that I will probably not draw since some people can't behave lol.

If you send a question about wanting to be mean or even hurt Sun or Moon just don't get upset by the response you are given lol. It's just a comic, it's not real and Sun and Moon are not really mad.

Where do you get your gifs/screenshots of the Daycare Attendant?

I watch a lot of Fnaf security breach sfm videos on YouTube so sometimes I come across a funny video clip and screenshot or make a gif of it.

Who is your favorite? Sun or Moon?

I’ll be honest, I can’t pick between the two lol. I like them both!

I don't like your art style/ I don't like how you draw Sun, Moon, or Eclipse/ One of your drawings came out weird lol / You don't draw as good as the other artists.

It's fine if you don't like my art style, but please just keep it to yourself, your blog, your friends, your grandmother, or whatever. Like idk why people on here felt the need to tell this to me, but yeah don't do that. And no, telling me you don't like my art style but like my comics isn't the compliment you think it is. I wouldn't have cared so much until I got a few people telling me this pretty much every time I posted. I ignored it as long as I could lol 🤷🏻‍♀️

This pertains to a few asks so I'll address it here:

I know when someone is fetish farming, I'm not naive lol. Like it seems really suspicious when I have the same person/anon desperately trying to get me to draw a specific ask 👀 soooo cut that shit out lol. It's very creepy and goes against my consent. Also chill with the dark humor.

*Ok so I’m going to be talking about a heavy topic here so read no further if you experience thoughts of self-harm or depressive thoughts!*

I don’t believe I would get an ask like this again but this is just in case! ( Edit: nevermind I did get more asks pertaining to self-harm smh ) I don’t mind drawing you something if you had a bad day, but I will not draw something for someone who requesting me to comfort them with a drawing of Sun or Moon because they self-harmed. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I just can’t. I go over my reasoning in this post. Please don't send me any self-harm related questions!

*End of the serious topic!*

And that should be it! I may update this down the line! Thank you for taking the time to read this!

[anti-endo-haven]

sorry, uhm, vent incoming; its a pretty big one too, im sorry again; tws for, abuse(mentioned, no detail), trauma ments(also no detail), and toxic 'friend' stuff with minor detail, and it's gonna be a longer rant/vent, i am so sorry for that again.('mentioned, no details' means just the word is said, and there is no details as to what it could mean)

I hate when I like a blog, and I find them funny, and was following them, to only find out that they're an endo or they support endos or both. It's genuinely just like. Why does this disorder that's consumed everything and made me lose myself and everyone else in our lives ever, get to be some sort of play-pretend, and roleplay thing for people? Why do they get to take what my brain and the body did to survive due to the abuse and other traumas we've went through and make it 'fun'? and WHY on earth do people think it's okay to lie about abuse or trauma? i dunno what to honestly think anymore; i'm just so tired of trying to find a safe space for it to be taken over by people who don't(or do) know how badly they're hurting us by lying and spreading misinformation. I'm also so done with our ex 'friend' who lied to us for 2 years about all the trauma and abuse they went through, and lied to us about all the mental disorders they had. They still consider us to be friends! We are not! They were horribly toxic! I finally had the courage once to tell them about us, and the system, and tried my best to explain things to them, and what everything that I just said meant. I still remember this because I just am so dumbfounded by this; shortly after I finished explaining the difference between genuine traumagenic systems and endos, and explaining what those terms mean, and what DID and OSDD mean, they suddenly said in a snobbish tone of voice, as if they were MOCKING us, "Oh. I think I have that."..I still feel the same dumbfoundedness to this day when I think about it. They claimed that they have DID and are a system...without doing research, or asking anymore details, or being professionally diagnosed. They were also the type of person who would lie and say, "No, you can't get mad at me for that! An alter did that! It wasn't me!" in order for no one to be able to call them out on their behavior...I'm just so tired.

Yeah… endos and their supporters keep taking a lot of things away and then want to claim that “we don’t need a safe space” and harass systems for not following what they believe and then start crying wolf and claiming they “need a safe space.” Like, no. You’re taking away resources and places where genuine systems can be and literally stealing trauma stories because you constantly force people to tell them to you because you want to use them for sympathy.

It’s hard to know what you can believe anymore.

We had a friend like that. Two of them. One of them was fairly young and it was just upsetting because she would constantly mock and act exactly like us, she even went so far as to saying she was trans and bi when the body identified as such and even started using the same sign offs we had as a means of “being similar.” This same girl was wanting us to leave our partner and saying they were going to harm them for no good reason.

The second friend we had, we had felt comfortable enough to open up to them and they went behind our back. On top of that, they had multiple people confirm that they’re a pathological liar. We had told them about being a system and had told them the basics, which they had instantly responded with them being the same, trauma dumped with no spoiler or trigger warning, and then said they knew how to work a lot of things because of role playing (everything was already set up and the way they had done everything I.e the dumping just put us so far away from them).

I wish more people would understand the harm of doing this to people. Yes, you could feel finally able to get out that you’re also a system, but not like that.

I know a lot of people might come after me for it, but just because a different alter did something doesn’t mean that it isn’t also on you. Yes, it’s hard to be like “so and so was the one that said it” but it’s still a part of you and it doesn’t excuse anything. Even with our parts that have hurt someone and someone else comes back to it, it’s still on us (all of us) to fix it and make it better. You can’t just walk away from it. It brings a lot of things down and no one will believe you after that.

Hugs for you, Anon. 🫂

Have a cookie for your troubles.

🍪

[stormoflina]

nah, he doesn't need to read shit lmaooo he isn't doing anything wrong 🫡

whats crazy about this is that these same people are the ones who complain about players "not being like before" referring to them not interacting freely with fans and "not" having and "not" showing their personality.

fanbases will always have weird ass people complaining about stupid shit and the best someone can do is block cause some of the shit u see is just... soo tiring cause they ALWAYS say the same shit and we cannot waste our time and energy on that lmao.

of course there are certain instances where ppl need to speak up against some of these comments but yeah, blocking is great.

and i think ppl come to ur inbox because u are a well known blog around here that its owner happens to be hungarian and like Dom 😭 i am so sorry for all the weird messages u get, it's giving... Obsession. what's crazy about that its that most of them are most likely from the same person 💀 weird ppl with weird hate boners work like that.

Ooohhh and to add to my long ass rant, i am BEGGING literally ON MY KNEES that these ppl understand that being injured ≠ stay still don't move ever.

I am soooo tired 😫 like, yeah, there are certain injuries that require very limited mobility but my dude, this isn't one of them. him walking to a fucking desk and moving his fingers and talking is not going to aggravate the injury ffs 😭

I don't have Twitter (thank goodness) so i do not really know why people are getting mad (it's twitter so ANYTHING is possible) but i can imagine a lot of them are about his injury because many are dumb like that.

Hey anon! I hope you don't mind that I copied your second here as well. Thank you so much for your ask, I appreciate it! <3

I whole-heartedly agree with you with everything you said. It's so beyond me how you, as an alleged fan of the club, would go to such lengths to dismiss, mock or just hate on your own player. For some reason Domi seems to bring out the worst of the worst, but the likes of Trent get so much shit for anything too from the same lot of people. Trent at least has a very loyal fanbase, who will go to war for him lol. But even the hate Ali gets, absolutely ridiculous! I muted so many people on twitter, because even if they are just "joking '' I find most of them in poor taste.

Annoying when I try to do everything to block out the type of commentary I know makes me angry, then here comes the anons.. lol. Very much obsessed, for the love of God, I can't figure out what their obsession even is about.

Please, never download twitter!! You are saving yourself a lot of headache with not having one haha.

[squadxx4392]

HARRY POTTER RANDOMNESS EPISODE 4

Draco: Are you almost done with my sleeve miss gurl

Tattoo Person : It's been an hour. I will be done when I'm done. are you NOT feeling this??

Draco: No-

Tattoo Person : Well I will TELL you when I'm done, okay? okay now let me work!

Draco: You may wanna cover your ears tho ..

Tattoo Person : *covering her ears* why?

Draco: Damn someone's mad 🙄

Draco: HARRY JAMES GET OVER HERE NOW!!

Harry : I'M GETTING MY BELLY BUTTON PIERCED GIVE ME A MINUTE

Draco: Okay. *gives him a slight smile*

Pansy : SIMP! *just got her septum, belly button and ear pierced*

Draco: Oh no I'm currently pissed at him.

Ron : *just got his own belly button and an eyebrow piercing* Of course, what'd he do?

Draco: I'm pissed at you also Ronald.

Ron : ouch-

Blaise : Okay, what'd THEY do?

Draco: Uh Ronald said he wanted to smash me, AND MY OWN BF SAID HE WANTED TO SMASH YOU

Harry : I was just getting back at Ron, I really don't. Blaise looks good, but he is NOT my type!

Draco: Once the lady is done tattooing my arm

Tattoo Person #2 : I can take the next one who's getting tattooed!

Draco: I'm bored do you have fidget thingys

Ron: I'm scared of needles someone go before me

Pansy : pussy, I'll go!

Draco: *falls asleep*

Tattoo Person : *to Tattoo Person #2* this is the first dude I've tattooed that fell asleep. I've had a LOT of women do it, but never a guy. this is new

Draco: Shut up and let me sleep lady

Tattoo Person : Sorry-

Draco: Jesus can't get a minute of sleep anywhere

Luna : Oh shut up and sleep, Draco

Ron: I HAVE A QUESTION FOR Y'ALL

Ginny : What now??

Ron: Was I the only one who forgot Draco is a top or was that only me

Blaise : *spits out water* WHAT???

Ron: What?

Theo : WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR SEX LIFE, DUDE

Draco: I'm questioning why you know that...

Harry : I'm just wondering why the fuck you thought it was normal to ask that-

Draco: HOW DO YK THAT IM THE TOP IN OUR RELATIONSHIP

Ron : I'VE HEARD WAY TOO MUCH BRO

Ron : WE SHARE A ROOM, HARRY

Hermione: Okay my question is how did the ferret end up topping Harry

Harry : *blushing hard*

Draco : He gets flustered way too easily. Also, we're switches, not just- yeah

Ron: I wanna fuck Draco 😨

Blaise : Istg- RON!

Draco: I wanna fuck James Potter

Neville : *sleeping peacefully in a waiting chair*

Harry : whAT-

Draco: *backs away*

Hermione : Same

Blaise : Same

Ron: Ngl same..

Tattoo Person : and I'm done! You're good to go after I wrap your arm up!

Draco: Thank God.

Hermione : I'm going next, I just want a full sleeve, as well. Do whatever designs you'd like!

Ron: I still find it weird Harry kisses his arm- that's just a weird place to kiss

Blaise : You aren't saying the same when we're-

Pansy : NOOO WE DON'T NEED TO KNOW

Ron: ITS DIFFERENT

Ron: HARRY AND DRACO ARGUE ALL THE GOD DAMN TIME SO I FIND IT WEIRD

Theo : If any of you wake up Nev, I'll have your heads

Draco: Oh sorry hold on, Harry I think we should break up because we argue too much.

Draco: Better Ronald??

Ron : noO-

Ron and Draco : *snickering*

Blaise: Anyone else feel Harry and Draco are like Regulus and James..? Just me??

Hermione : For real tho

Draco: What-

Luna : what?

Draco: Apparently they think I'm James Potter

Harry : apparently you're a golden retriever. awwww they're so right

Draco: No. 😘

Piercing Person : Next one up!

Draco : Oh, that's me. Just the belly button and the tongue, please!

Ron: Tongue piercings are ugly

Draco : If they're on the wrong person! It'll be HOT ASF on me!

Ron: Probably I mean

Draco : Mhm

Blaise : *Looking Ron dead in the eyes* Hey, after he gets done, can you pierce my tongue as well?

Ron: *Looks disgusted*

Blaise : *whispers something in Ron's ear*

Ron: What-?

Pansy : PLEASE tell me you didn't just try to seduce him??

Hermione: I just realized what Ron is doing.

Ron: What am I doing Herm? Hm please tell me what I am doing

Hermione : You used reverse psychology to get Blaise to get the tongue piercing, correct?

Ron: You're too smart 😔

Draco: Does that mean you'll stop seducing me?

Hermione : I know

Blaise : I'm still getting the piercing

Ron: I'm not gonna stop seducing you no

Draco : FUCK

Ron: ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU BLAISE AND THEO ARE HOT AS HELL

Blaise : *sighs* If you stop flirting with my best friends, I'll *leans over and whispers something into Ron's ear*

Ron: *turns a bright red*

Luna : I don't even wanna know

Draco: Me neither

Draco: *mumbling stuff*

*Narrator's voice* WILL THEY KNOW WHAT DRACO SAID?? WILL THEY KNOW WHAT BLAISE SAID?? WILL THEY WALK OUTSIDE SAFELY?? TUNE IN NEXT TIME ON HARRY POTTER RANDOMNESS

[roseamongroses]

SHURIRI! AMNESIA AU

it's about 5am and i havent slept so lemme write this rq before i pass out. shuriri! amnesia au. i barely know anything legitament about amnesia and i will not be researching it at this time because it is 5 am

queen ramonda dies ( IM SORRY OKAY) before shuri and them try to find the scientist

and in the midst of grief while fighting the fish people, shuri is severely injured at the bridge

she is saved by riri(who was nearby testing her latest gadgets) and is brought to the local hospital.

when she wakes she remembers nothing at all and due to the growing tensions/ potential for war back at wakanda they agree to let her stay in America to recover and laylow

(they also agree because amnesia! shuri doesn't really believe their story about the fish people and only really trusts riri at this point cause she was the last person shuri remembers

(angst because OUCH but theyll survive)

anyway shuri immediately sneaks out of the hospital and basically squats in riri's single room(ignore reality we're going off of fanfic reason ok)

(riri has accommodations since she started college so young + sensory issues among other things)

FEATURING:

shuri helping riri exploit the rich and lazy college students with their thriving homework business

shuri and riri pissing each other off cause being codependent and attached at the hip isn't always fun but they work through it

shuri gradually gains independence she starts working on some unresolved, internalized abelism as she's recovering physically and mentally from the attack. she starts sitting in some classes (she is excitable and the TAs lowkey hate her)

and there was only one bed

shuri decides one day in class that riri is just as interesting as science. she does not simply pine, she becomes a shameless flirt

riri not really believing shuri's advances/ shying away because of shuri's condition and how her view of riri has a savior may influence her opinions (she's had a crush on the princess since wakanda was first revealed to the world and she can't let her heart be crushed like that)

shuri discovering riri's exploits as ironheart

while all of this is going on imagine the fish people despretly trying to murk the two while the wakanda people protect them w/o shuriri noticing. looney toons type of activity in the background.

huh when is shuri getting her memories back??well funny story. shuri's actually been gradually regaining her memories back this entire time but she has been pretending that she has hasn't recovered them

why?well not only is she remembering the deaths of her father and brother (X2) all over again, her mama just died, her country is on the verge of war, and for the life of her shuri cannot figure out who made the device that detected the vibranium. she wasn't excatly running away from the issue, but she still hadn't accepted that this is her reality. DENIAL IS A

one day she encounters namor again. he confronts her, tries to make the same deal again and shes like "idk even know who the fuck made that". so he gives her a clue and shuri goes looking in riri's lab her next visit. and yeah she finds out. not a good day tbh

so does shuri turn her almost girlfriend into the fish cops? no. does she do something absolutely fucking stupid, yeah. so she leaves and makes the same deal with the fish people and gets yoinked underwater.funnily enough they end up yoinking riri too

ok in the cave jail riri and shuri fight about her marytrdom behavior. shuri accidentally reveals remembers everything and riri is flabergasted. absolutely befuddled. and insists that she shouldve left to go back to wakanda/ contact them sooner while shuri insists that she just couldn't. but wont explain why

yes they go to sleep mad.

shuri at somepoint is taken out so namor can do his weird friendship bracelet "become my queen" thing and shuri ALMOST considers it because riri is trapped, injured, and she wants to save her from being killed off.

but instead of outright agreeing she just plays along. until they can get medical care, more privilege's, etc.

this highkey looks like shuri getting courted and since riri and her are not excatly talking she cant explain the full situation yet (also guards be listening)

anyway riri is def jelly (broken arm and miss ma'am worried bout the fish man) and this leads to another arguement with shuri that somehow someway leads back to them flirting like how they did before the kidnapping

yes they kiss among other things. do they care that the guards are being nosy the entire time???a little bit

they agree to shuri continuing the game with namor to get them both out

except shuri realizes mid date that namor personally killed her mom and yeah its a wrap

from here use ur imagination and the wakanda forever movei tbh to end this BUT shuriri flirting. all throughout. they are disgusting and in love.

it is now 5:52am goodnight

[funkymbtifiction]

Why do I keep on obsessing over the past? Idk if this is an Si grip but somehow I can’t get my mind past an issue. Like it just keeps on circling my head. I can’t stop thinking about how my friend had wronged me. I know I could do stuff like don’t think of her, ignore her, etc. but my mind won’t let me rest. Like cuz she said something which hurt me, and then I ended up doubting myself and bouncing back between being her friend and not being her friend, and now I feel like it’s my fault. Cuz I mean it seems like the rest of my friends don’t really care too much that it hurt me. Some understand the meaning behind the word, but don’t care that they are still friends with her, but like idk I can’t really be friends with someone like that. But idk what to do cuz I’m feeling like it’s my fault and all of my friends are friends with her. I’d say this is an Si grip, but I still use Ne when it comes to connecting ideas, coming up with ideas, etc. but I don’t think I use Te or Fe as a dominant function and there’s no way I’m an introvert. Cuz I’m normally the type to not think of the past, but my mind can’t stop bothering about this issue. It doesn’t help how I see her daily since we share a club and I see her in the mornings. Like I think I’d move one and then I see her and I’m back to square one. I feel like I’ve been more withdrawn lately and more low energy, not interacting as much as I used to, but I still also display Ne behaviors, as least more through my mind and with my speech.

There are several ways to interpret what you wrote.

One is that because you (I assume) have not addressed the issue directly with her ("You hurt my feelings when you said this..."), that you are stuck in limbo and cannot move forward, because you still have to see her all the time, without having healed from your pain. Being hurt emotionally, especially if you are unable to address the problem directly and find closure, takes a long time to "fix." Emotional hangups are also very serious and complex things. Sometimes, we are not just insulted by what someone said to us, but feeling grief that they aren't the person we thought they were, or that they don't fit the ideal we built up in our head. Are you allowing yourself time to grieve for this relationship or do you feel like you should hurry up and move past it for some reason?

If the latter, why are you in such a hurry to stop thinking about her? Because it's painful? Because you are going to have to face some things you didn't want to? Because it might mean you have to go to her directly and talk about it?

I know for me, being a 6w7, I don't want to feel things. I don't want to dwell on sad things. So when I can't move past someone (and I have spent two years trying to detach from someone and stop thinking about them), it's often because I am refusing to deal with and face up to and "own" my part in the problem. I am refusing to stop beating myself up and just allow myself to feel a certain way ("I don't want this friendship anymore" isn't good enough for a 6, who wants solid REASONS and LOGIC for everything). I am also not wanting to sit and deal with the pain of realizing this person isn't who I thought they were, and we aren't going to have the future together that I had in my mind -- in short, I have been idealizing them with 7 and now have to unpick all the delusional thinking that went into me staying friends with them past the relationship's expiration date. Once I realized why I kept thinking about her, it helped me. I started thinking about her less. Moving on more. Instead of getting mad about her popping into my mind, I could think "yeah, old friends come to mind sometimes, but that's normal."

The thing is, you won't be able to move past this until you deal with it. And to deal with it, you have to figure out why you keep thinking about it and refusing to let it go. And then you have to decide what action you need to take, to deal with it. Do you need to stop being afraid of conflict and tell the person to their face that they hurt you? Do you need to talk about what happened with someone you trust? Could the act of talking about it, and getting your feelings "out" help you realize you don't need to hold onto that feeling anymore? If you had the chance to talk to her about it, would you take it? If she asked to be friends again, would you want that? It sounds like the answer is no, so you are choosing to keep thinking about her. No one chooses to do anything that doesn't gratify them on some level, so why are you hanging onto this? Is it because it's enjoyable for you to feel angry or upset? Are you using thinking about it as a way to avoid the risk of opening yourself up to finding new relationships?

What could you DO to make this go away? Quit the club? Move on to a new hobby or interest? Forgive her? And choose to forgive her each time you see her, for as long as it takes, until you feel "nothing" when you see her? That's harder than quitting a club.

What do you want to do? Why do you think this is happening? What are you not facing in this situation? And how can you move past it?

Above all, I would dial back the self-recrimination and blame, and start allowing your feelings to have weight. You are allowed to feel upset. You are allowed to not like her anymore. You are allowed to have hurt feelings. You are allowed to wish your friends weren't friends with her (but they are allowed to make their own choices). You are allowed to grieve for a friendship. You are allowed to not get over it immediately. But if it's genuinely bothering you, do something about it. This isn't just a Si grip, it's an emotional experience, so treat yourself gently, like you would a loved one who was struggling with this. I promise you, one day you will wake up and not care anymore -- not in an apathetic way, but in a healed way. But healing takes time.

[a-student-out-of-time]

For the Kokoro thing, I find it that people are writing it as "LINUJ is being ableist" because they're just looking at it on a surface level. Her FTEs outright tell us that while she can't feel most emotions, she has a deep understanding of people's morals and why her actions would not be acceptable. She only becomes a bad person when she throws away that understanding and indulges herself. To me, her FTEs convey Kokoro being a good or bad person as being a result of what she decides to choose.

//No, yeah, I get that, and I accept that characters of all types have the ability to make good and bad decisions. She even made her desire to study the “primitive emotion” very clear in those FTEs

//My issue is that, like I said, it feels like a lot of her better and more interesting qualities were jarringly flattened into making her an amoral mad scientist just so she could have a role in helping Mikado set up the Killing Game and to establish her connection to Mikako. It wasn’t explained well in-story, we were just given “cool teenage Kokoro” and then “uncaring abusive parent Kokoro.”

//Like, when you have her say outright that she only had her daughter for an experiment, and then not give a shit about her or her husband going missing, it’s not a good look.

//And again, the fact that she turns out like this and she’s the only confirmed neurodivergent character in the game is kinda iffy, whether it’s intentional or not.

//Not to get too deep into it, but I myself am autistic. One of my favorite books, Blindsight by Peter Watts, has a narrator, Siri, who is heavily coded as autistic (he actually had a hemispherectomy and half his brain was replaced with cybernetics; not the same thing, but still). While I really like the book, and Siri is an interesting character, he also has some very stereotypical behaviors one sees in fictional autistic characters, like acting like a robot who doesn’t understand emotions and describes everything in the most clinical, unfeeling ways possible to his girlfriend, like using evolutionary development of the sexes as a way to explain why they fight, rather than just apologizing.

//The whole package is good enough that I can look past it, especially since Siri’s behavior is called out by his crewmates and they’re all also neurodivergent or just weird to a certain extent. I just wish writers didn’t keep conflating “lack of empathy” with “unfeeling/amoral.”

//I highly recommend doing some reading on the different forms of empathy, how one can understand emotions without necessarily needing to share them and vice versa. It’s really interesting stuff, and helped me grasp things I struggled to share with others about my own experiences.

[tittyinfinity]

aaaaand they're gone now. before i stopped typing this. i assume they did nothing again

there is a lot of commotion going on outside my room and I can't tell if it's the guys who come stand in our empty gutted bathroom for 30 minutes and then leave until the next month (seriously, what the fuck? it's been 6 months and all i've seen are people walk in and walk out without doing anything... they're the same people...)

or if it's the guy (or guys, sometimes he brings a friend) who's been "fixing the piano" for the past 6 months who comes over here, says he needs a part, and leaves. over and over. hasn't gotten whatever part he's talking about. he charges $90 an hour and he spent half an hour taking a shit in our only working bathroom TWICE

i told my mom she's getting scammed by the piano guy and she said that it sucks but she doesn't have any other choice bc he's the only person in town she's found that can do it, which kinda makes sense bc it's a 35 year old synthesizer that cost $3k in 1989 ($7,372 in today's money) AND can record and play back up to 8 tracks at once with like 100 different sounds including percussion. once the speaker works again and I press play on what's recorded..... it will be one of my middle school band songs that I recorded as a teenager, still on there after all these years😭 but yeah it makes sense that it would be hard to find someone to fix that because it has a lot of outdated software on it

it's the most expensive item we own (including both of our cars), bought by my grandparents who bought a house, 2 cars, and raised 4 kids with them both working retail jobs. they didn't go to college, but my grandfather fought in WW2 for a couple of years. their 4 kids got $40k each when my grandma died and that's how we have a house.

okay now i'm mad about this. i'm so tired i just woke up and started typing but YEAH MY GRANDPARENTS THAT DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE COULD FUCKIN AFFORD $7K PIANOS AND HOUSES but in today's day and age, my two working parents could never afford anything for us and my grandma paid for basically everything until she died, my sister that DID go to college isn't any better off than us bc of student loans (she's actually worse off financially THAN I AM ON DISABILITY), and the only thing getting my mom and I by is the fact that the mortgage here is only $550 a month. And that's only bc we bought it in 2012. If we bought it today it would be more than twice that amount because it was $75k back then, but now, according to Zillow, it's worth $175k. FUCCKKKK I HATE THIS COUNTRY

but FUCK I'm lucky to have the support systems we have jfc

(and the military does not pay people that well anymore unless they become a high ranking general but idc about that I think the military shouldn't exist. I was told my grandpa killed nazis but after reading up on history there were many US soldiers fucking around w the nazis so. But I like to believe that he would have only targeted nazis because despite being raised Christian my family has always had a lot of respect for Judaism and we were told never to disrespect it because Jesus was Jewish (from what I was taught, apparently some churches only preach that he was killed by Jewish people))

wow this post went a million different ways and I started typing 30 minutes ago. look i woke up w my sleeping meds still in my system and i'm manic af

[lokigodofaces]

intense ranting about someone that doesn't know how to read the description of a fic and is mad at me for my content. continuing from this post

I am very clear about Loki being asexual in my Loki/reader. Depending on the site and how it works, I have it in at least one of these: title, description, tags. I also have an author's not about a third of the way through from when I confirmed Loki as ace, and have only kept it because I keep getting encouraging comments there. But at the beginning of reading, you have 1-3 places listing Loki as ace, and another partway through.

Well, I repeatedly get comments about how "disappointed" people are that he is ace in this fic on that author's note. Which always annoys me because it's not like I was hiding it, it's your fault that you didn't see it. It's always annoying and frustrating, but someone was particularly rude today and now I want to scream.

Allow me to show you the conversation. This is on the author's note and about Loki's asexuality.

X: Hey that's cool you do you. I am just angry that I am being told this after reading like 11 chats [chapters]. I already was invested in the story wish I knew sooner.

I'll admit it, I get comments all the time that seem off. Things like, "Yeah, sorta disappointed that there won't be smut, but I'm really proud of you and I love this story and can't wait for more <3." Yes, there are problems with this type of comment still. Honestly, I don't think it's appropriate to ever tell an author you are disappointed by the lack of smut in their work. But I appreciate that they at least are being supportive. This comment though is different. She is "angry" at me because she didn't know that Loki is ace in this fic. And it is implied that she doesn't want to read further (which is fine, read what you want, just don't tell the author that you don't like it, that's rude). And, (understandably, I would think), I am upset by this because I did say that Loki is ace already, it is in the description.

Me: If you are referring to Loki being asexual, I literally said it in the description.

I will admit, I probably should have used more tact when saying this, but whatever. This was my response, which went straight to the point. I did make it clear that Loki is asexual. The exact sentence is literally, "Loki is greybiromantic asexual." Very straightforward. No room for confusion, right? To which she responds:

X: I'm sorry , but I still don't see that in the description. But I don't use this website often so maybe I am missing it

At this point, I am annoyed. It isn't that hard to find descriptions (the post linked at top has links to quotev and you can do a little scavenger hunt and look for the description and see how easy it is). Quotev says how long someone has been on Quotev, so I checked. She did join Quotev 1 day ago. So, yes, I should be more lenient than if it was someone who's been on for months/years. But, still, who reads a fic without the full description? What sort of person does that to themselves? I responded with directions on finding the description, and haven't gotten an answer yet.

Me: Desktop: Scroll to the top of the fic. Just above the title and to the right are two buttons. The right one says, "Info." Move your mouse over it, and a bunch of things will pop up, including the full description. Android mobile: Scroll to the top of the fic. Above and to the right of the title is a button with an "i" in a circle. Click it, and a bunch of things will pop up, including the full description. Idk if it's different on Apple, but it's probably similar or the same.

I admit, I've been having some wild mood swings the past couple days, so maybe I'm overreacting. But this is just so ridiculous. Why would you start a fic without knowing what it's about? And why would you think it's okay to be angered by an author's content, especially something like queer rep? Just,

*screams*

[saltydkdan]

How come you get so many jokes instead of actual questions?

You want an actual answer? (If you're one of the people I'm about to talk about... don't get mad at me, it's just an observation)

It seems to me that a fairly vocal percentage of people who watch my stuff wants to "mimic" me, or be "in on the joke" in some way. Not everyone obviously, but a vocal amount.

Now that isn't INHERENTLY bad, but they're like the type of people who respond to genuine conversation with memes. I was like that at one point too, so I get it. Sometimes you just absorb so much content/media that whatever you perceive it as just becomes a part of your personality.

When I'm recording a video, or on stream, I try to focus on being funny as much as I can, and people end up perceiving that as how I am "normally", and thus, see it as something they can mirror anywhere.

So when I'm trying to be normal/chill, and ask for genuine feedback or genuine questions, people will try to start jokes with me that they think I would tell. Start a gag or something.

A lot of times, it can be annoying. But I really try not to see it that way because sometimes, responding with jokes and memes makes people happy. That's just how they prefer their entire existence to be, and I respect it!

I just wish people would meet me where I'm at more. When I'm being a moron in videos and streams, by all means! Shitpost along with me. But when I try to be serious and have an actual real conversation, maybe a dialog on something serious, or wanna discuss something I really care about... maybe don't post Megamind in response.

There's a lot of nuance to it beyond what I said here, but I find that this is the basic gist. I know this is a sort of "Monster of my own creation" type of thing. Just wanted to give an honest reply and get this out of my wrinkly brain-hole.

Also, please don't let this stop you from joking around with me. I'm just saying I'm not a 24/7 meme machine! You don't have to spam Doge to interact with me. I'm just saying, a bit more of a balance between jokey interactions and genuine would be neato :)

Some of my favorite interactions with people who watch my stuff are the more genuine ones! Like, yeah dude, talk to me about this show we both obviously like or video game we both play. Fuck yeah.

Basically: Do whatever you want, I can't stop you, but I do appreciate when it isn't ALL jokes ALL the time haha