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revengeghoulette · 25 days

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Matcha Latte w/ Rose

Part 1: The Meet Cute, Barista Swiss x Professor Mountain

Part 2 3

Playlist: The Rosy Crown

I’ve had this idea written down since February, because a friend made me a matcha latte with oat milk and a splash of rose and I was like yup this is definitely Them. I also definitely did not describe my dream of owning a book & coffee shop. No mentions of matcha this part, but definitely next part. Divider by @ghuleh-recs

@divine-misfortune bc i really enjoyed your tags :) @obsidianghoul, @gottagho-st @foxybouquet @rainsbasspick @hypnoneghoul bc Swissalps

Slightly edited, might go back in and edit some more

Swiss works at a quiet little bookstore and coffee shop owned by an elderly couple. They’ve been training him to take over the business since they're too old to be doing this sort of thing, and want to leave it to a local who will take care of their business. He’s always wanted to be a businessman and run a little local shop. A safe space for all the so-called weirdos in the community, especially the college kids trying to figure out who they are. Fresh baked goodies round the clock, fresh coffee, a bookstore with an upstairs quiet area for studying with sleeping pods in case anyone needs a place for the night, or just needs a nap.

Once he officially became the owner, he changed its name to Rosy Crown Bookshop and Cafe. He hired a few teens, a handful of part-time college kids, and his friends Mist and Sunny, who help run the bookshop side of things and do other management stuff.

Swiss enjoys working as a barista and running the cafe. He enjoys seeing all the new faces at the start of the semester, but mostly, he enjoys the fact that his coffee shop is the go-to study place. He also hosts study sessions, trivia nights, and other little destressors for students. During midterms and finals, the cafe would be open 24/7 for those procrastinators and extreme studiers. Mist, Sunny and Swiss don’t mind staying open for them and working long hours.

The start of a new semester was around the corner. New faces were slowly starting to roll in, exploring the bookshop, trying the seasonal drinks, and a few asking for employment. Many nervous freshmen calm down after chatting with Swiss, knowing they have a safe space to come to for studying.

Swiss was finishing opening the coffee shop when he walked in. He’s tall, slender, wears glasses, tousled reddish brown hair that matches the autumnal leaves outside. Swiss was taken aback by this beautiful man… wait no. Ghoul? There’s a certain scent to him. He was too distracted to notice that he was ringing the bell for assistance. Snapping out of it, Swiss walks behind the counter to take his order.

“Hi, welco-” Swiss starts, but never finished.

The man looks up the menu, only to say “12 oz drip coffee.”

Swiss is shocked at the man’s abruptness, “oh sure, name?”

“Mmmm…ark. Mark,” the hottie answers with some hesitation.

Swiss smiles because it reminds him of those customers that like to make up names for their orders like Obi Wan or Rapunzel, “Mark?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, ca-can we rush this? I’m late for my first day,” the ghoul man stammers out

“You got it!”

Swiss turns around to fill a cup with drip coffee. Before handing the cup over, he scribbled out a little message on the sleeve, “Good luck”

“Here you go, on the house,” Swiss slides the coffee across the counter.

“No, I have to pay,” he insists, fishing for his wallet in his messenger bag.

“Mark, I’m serious. It’s on the house. Now go before you're even more late,” Swiss shoos him away playfully.

The day goes on smoothly, but Swiss couldn’t get Mark’s smile out of his mind.

“Whatcha doin’ there Swissypoo,” Mist pokes Swiss while he’s staring off into the distance as she wraps her apron around her waist.

“Huh? Oh, nothing,” Swiss tries to play it off. Mist chuckles because she doesn’t believe him, but won’t push it.

The entrance bells ring announcing the arrival of a customer. Swiss stands up a little taller, and dusts off his apron. Mist looks between the customer and Swiss. There’s something there, so she hangs back, refilling the caramel sauce squeeze bottle, watching them interact.

“Hi, welcome back,” Swiss smiles at the man.

The man in front of him looks almost embarrassed, apologetic, “Hi, I’m- uh, sorry about um earlier.”

“Don’t worry about it, I understand,” he brushes him off.

“I’ve felt bad all day so I thought I’d come and buy a little celebratory pastry,” the stranger flashes him a smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling a little bit.

“How did today go?”

“It was actually pretty good, thank you. Can I get a slice of the carrot cake please. Can you make it to go?”

“Absolutely,” Swiss grabs the slice and places it on a box, scribbling ‘For surviving the day’ on the lid before handing to him, “Here you are.”

“Thank you! I’m Mark, by the way. I know I told you earlier, but I wanted to properly introduce myself.”

“Nice to meet you, Mark. My friends call me Swiss.” Swiss extends his hand for a hand shake and Mark meets his hand, static shocking both of them.

Mist was right, there was something there. She was definitely going to question Swiss once this guy leaves.

“What the fuck was that?” Mist pushes Swiss to the back of the house, slapping his arm.

Laughing, Swiss pushes Mist away by pushing her forehead, “What do you mean?”

“Dude, sparks were literally flying. C’mon spill.”

“Nope! My shift is over, BYE!”

With that, Swiss takes off his apron, and leaves the shop. Mist is flabbergasted by what just happened.

Mark came in every morning that week to get coffee before jetting off to work. Everyday Swiss would write a little something on the sleeve of the coffee cup, or on the napkin with his pastry. Mark has never mentioned them, but Swiss is hopeful he saw them.

It’s Saturday, and he’s not expecting to see Mark, but it’s a nice surprise to see him walk in and take a seat at one of the corner tables. After setting his bag down, he walks up to the counter.

“Hi,” he whispers.

“Well, hello stranger. Can I get you your usual?” Swiss asks as he’s about to turn around.

“No, actually. I was wondering if you could make me your favorite drink. I don't usually drink like those fancy coffee drinks, but my TA was giving me shit for always drinking the same thing, so I wanted to explore different caffeinated drinks, I guess, and I didn’t know where to go, so I figured since we kind of have a rapport I could ask you. Oh my goodness, I'm rambling, I'm sorry!”

Swiss smiles kindly at him, chuckles a bit. “TA? Are you a teacher?”

“I’m a professor at the local university,” Mark explains.

“Emeritus Tech? I graduated from there! But yes, why don’t you go sit down, and I'll make you something”

Mark takes a seat and pulls out his laptop and a book. Swiss returns with a latte.

“This here is a vanilla latte. Everyone says ‘it's basic,’ but it’s a good beginner coffee drink if you’re just starting to explore the coffee world. You can change the flavoring and the type of milks used. It’s vanilla flavoring, a shot of espresso, and milk with some foam on top,” Mountain lifts an eyebrow at the design on top, “It’s a swan,” Swiss answers his unspoken question, flashing him a smile, “I used oat milk because I find that it gives it a creamier, slightly thicker consistency. Enjoy. I’ll make my rounds.”

Swiss leaves Mark to his own devices, but he watches him from behind the bar. Mark takes a cautious sip from the mug, closing his eyes and savoring the taste. He didn’t know coffee could taste so good. He just stuck to drip, because he was too scared to order or make different drinks.

As the afternoon crowd slowly started to leave, Swiss began cleaning around, organizing shelves and restocking books and coffee supplies. Mark’s eyes would often wander to Swiss. He’d catch him dancing, humming to himself, reading the summaries of books before shelving them. Mark was entranced by Swiss’ silly little shenanigans.

Mark stayed late to finish his lesson plans. Swiss occasionally brings him water, or a sweet treat against Mark’s wishes, but he still eats them. Mark wraps up his plans, grabs his things and leaves, waving goodbye to Swiss.

Swiss switches off the open sign after staying open an extra hour just for him. He grabs a rag and a bin to clean off the table Mark was sitting at when he finds something scribbled out on a napkin.

“Thank you for all the notes on my coffee and pastries. Call me -M” with his number written below.

A giant smile forms on his face, he looks at the note again because he doesn’t believe it real. He’s so happy and excited that his tail unglamours and wags with happiness.

From across the street, Mark watches as Swiss’ tail wags, admiring the dimples on his face. He’s so beautiful, Mark thinks.

Swiss finishes closing duties and gives Mark a call after locking the door, to keep him company while he walks home.

“Hello?” a groggy voice answers

“It’s Swiss, sorry is this too late? I can call at a different time.” Swiss starts to panic, scared he woke him up.

“No, no. It’s okay. I was just dozing off on the couch. I- I, thanks for calling, I-” Mark breaks out into a quiet giggle, “Oh this is dumb, but I wanted to hear your voice,” Swiss blushes hearing Mark say that, “Oh, also, you have a cute tail.”

“Wait. You saw that?!” Swiss is shocked. He thought he was alone, or at least, didn't think anyone would be paying attention to him.

“Sure did, and my name's Mountain, not Mark, and I also have a tail.”

Swiss is relieved by the confirmation that he’s also a ghoul.

“Mountain… I like it. It suits you.”

They talk as Swiss makes his way home, and late into the night, way beyond their bedtimes, and fall asleep on the call.

After that phone call, Mountain went to the coffee shop every day before and after work. He’d sit in his usual spot and do some grading, or read a book while waiting for Swiss to get off work.

Mountain’s become a regular, and the employees start to recognize him and his order, as well as some of his students. The coffee shop has become a secondary office where students stop by just to ask him clarifying questions, or sometimes they’ll set up a meeting to discuss larger topics.

He’s met Sunny and Mist during the shift overlap, and they sometimes sit with him to keep him company when work is slow. They all know they’re ghouls living amongst humans.

Sunny loves to discuss books. Keeps him updated on the latest book releases and also customer drama. Mountain is a big time consumer of customer drama. In return, he gossips about his students.

They’ve also discussed hosting some sort of reading or book program in collaboration with the bookshop. Talks about hosting Q&A’s with a variety of subjects have come up.

On a quiet Friday night, when Swiss’ shift ends, Mountain walks him to his apartment as per the routine now. Once at the entrance, Swiss turns to him and meets his eyes.

“I want to ask you something,” Swiss starts. Mountain waits for him to continue

“Would you, maybe, want to go out with me?”

Mount eagerly smiles and nods, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask, and if you didn’t do it this weekend, I was going to ask. Yes, Swiss, I’d love to go out with you.”

“Would you wanna come in? Stay the night perhaps? We can watch a movie, and have some frozen pizza? Neither of us have work tomorrow, and we can sleep in?”

“I-” Mountain starts, but is met with Swiss’ puppy eyes, “I can stay, yes.”

Swiss sighs in relief, grabbing hold of Mountain's hand, guiding him inside the building while rambling on about tonight's plans. Mountain laughs, squeezing Swiss hand a little tighter, sending a little thank you to whatever god made this happen.

Part 2: The Date... coming soon.

#swissalps #swiss ghoul #mountain ghoul #coffee shop au #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfic #ghost band #nameless ghouls #mist ghoulette #sunshine ghoulette #revenge works #matcha latte w rose fic

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chaithetics · 3 days

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Fics for Palestine! 🖤❤️🤍💚

Hey, beautiful Tumblr besties!

Do you want a fic and to support a good cause? A super specific fic? Want to ensure you are fed those Monkey Man fics you're needing? Or have you sent me a request and want me to hurry up and write it (Sorry I do take my time with writing)? THEN READ

I will write and prioritise requests from you and have them posted on Tumblr NO LATER THAN MAY 31ST!!!!

All you need to do is send same day confirmation to me either in the ask box or as a message of donating to a fund or organisation on the Operation Olive Branch list! This could be a family's Go Fund Me page for evacuating Palestine, the UNRWA fund, or eSims for Gaza etc.

This is the Operation Olive Branch's linktree page

I don't know what the response will be to this, if miraculously so many people were interested that I was too overwhelmed I would come up with a new date or close temporarily and 'reopen' for June. We'll see how this does, but I will be regularly updating this!

I will write for the following characters:

Any Pedro Pascal characters

Any Oscar Isaac characters

Any Dev Patel characters

Any Fallout characters

Any Succession characters (not Old Guard or Greg lol but even Tom!)

Tommy Miller (TLOU)

Any The Bear characters

Marvel characters like Matt Murdock, Wanda, Bucky etc.

And more I just can't think of, you're more than welcome to ask about a certain character in comments, DMs or in my inbox before donating as well 🫶

What I will write:

I'll write fluff, angst, smut, or any combination! I will write plus size readers, poc readers, disabled readers etc. I will write female readers, and gender-neutral readers, I'm bi/queer so am happy to write wlw fics if you desire Shiv or some Wanda with an f reader or more straight ones- whatever you want! Requests can be as vague or as specific as you want!

If you want Kendall and Stewy's conversation the night before his wedding to Rava with some angst, you got it! If you wanted to request a plus-size reader to go on a bookstore date with a contemporary Ezra, you got it! It's pretty open to your dreams!

I won't write fics that are nonconsensual, 'dark', heavy kink, gore, vore, paedophilia, and nothing with under-18 readers or characters (this includes characters 'aged up' for a fic).

My masterlist is here for navigation and if you aren't familiar with my work but want to get an idea!!! Chaithetics Masterlist

Moving on.....

If you donate 5 USD, CAD, GBP, EURO whatever currency that fund is in:

I will write a fic with your request that is at least 500 words long and is posted no later than May 31st.

If you donate 10 USD, CAD, GBP, EURO whatever currency that fund is in:

I will write a fic with your request that is at least 1,000 words long and is posted no later than May 31st.

If you donate 50 USD, CAD, GBP, EURO whichever currency that fund is in:

I will write a fic with your request that is at least 4,000 words long and is posted no later than May 31st.

Why is this important?

We need to help out and do our part to not be complicit in Israel's genocide against the Palestinian people. Palestinians are begging for our attention and aid, since October 7th 2023, Israel has murdered over 35,000 Palestinians, displacing the survivors so many and committing numerous war crimes. Israel's expulsion, ethnic cleansing and war crimes have been terrorising the Palestinian people and land since 1948. We all have a part to play, so get involved with this if you like, please contact your local representatives and government, keep engaging with Palestinian content and voices, support the funds if you can- I know that's not accessible to everyone, attend rallies, protests, and vigils in support of Palestine. Do what you can, what is physically, emotionally and financially accessible to you.

I'd love it if you could share this as well, especially for my mutuals and others in these fandoms with much bigger platforms (I have a humble 300 followers, that I adore) and also for other writers to consider doing something like this! Thank you for reading this far, let's stay empathetic and support each other in these trying times 🖤❤️🤍💚

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lolitakirstein · 3 months

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Hey Neighbor

Part one

Part two

Don't be a stranger

Those 4 words rattled in your brain as the days and weeks passed. You kept busy (and subtly avoided toji) by finishing up moving in and picking up a job at the local bookstore. The hours weren’t great but it kept you away from your house and your neighbor. Yes, you felt kinda shitty. He was only trying to be nice. But the look on his face as he purred, “Don’t be a stranger” with a smirk on his face made you ten times more intimidated by him. I can NOT get involved with him…wait he probably didn’t even mean it like that… I’m looking too much into it…still…no not I can’t do it. I don’t know him and he has a child I’m sure he’s not even interested. These thoughts consumed you.

As much as you tried to avoid confrontation with toji, it was practically impossible seeing as your houses were so near. Luckily, the interactions were in passing, a quick wave. A smile from you…a smug grin from toji. It seems Mewsy wasn’t one to avoid them, you would catch her strolling across the yard between your houses when Megumi and Toji would arrive home in the evenings. Megumi would light up and giggle as she'd once again perform her act of rolling around.

Although you avoid one one-on-one confrontation with Toji, you don't avoid…looking at him… especially when he is outside with the garage door open, music blaring as he does pull-ups in his make-shift gym. Sweat streams down his rippled abs that contract with each heavy breath. It makes your mouth go dry. God, what it would be like to lick up those chiseled muscles, to cling on to those broad shoulders as he'd thrust— stop no bad bad bad, you scold yourself every time you started fantasizing, shaking your head as if it was an etch-a-sketch and could erase the images.

You knew you couldn’t avoid him forever, the time would come that you would have to speak to him…and this evening seemed to be just that day. As you sit on your porch reading your book, Mewsy on your lap, you hear that sensuous voice that makes your knees quake.

“Hey, neighbor.” toji stands at the bottom of your front porch steps. Megumi toddling up the stairs, excitedly, “Y/N!,” he climbs onto the wicker lover seat with you, Mewsy perking up and stretching.

“Megs,” toji sighs, shaking his head. “You have to wait to be invited onto a girl's porch, son.”

“It's fine,” you say, patting megumi's leg as he settles beside you like.

“How’ve you been,” toji asks, shoving his hands in his pocket. “Not seen ya much. You avoiding me?”

Shit! Was I that obvious?

“Oh…n–no just been trying to work as much as possible,” you stammer, wringing your hands in your lap.

“I see, “ toji responds.

“Yeah…” god, you wanted a hole to swallow you up, he clearly wasn’t convinced. “You can come sit if you want.” you try to change the subject.

“Nah, we gotta get going I'm about to drop him off at my boss’s house while I run some errands out of town .”

What kind of boss watched their employee’s kids? You didn’t know it you were relieved or bummed that he couldn’t stay.

“Ohh, dad let’s stay with y/n pleaseeee,” Megumi whined.

“No bud we gotta go,” Toji replied firmly.

“But Shiu’s house is so BORING, UGH” he groans.

“Ugh,” toji mocks. “You’re not even a teenager and already giving me such attitude.”

You can’t help but laugh at the back and forth, how similar the two were, how good of a father Toji seems to be….what a dilf.

“Blah blah blah,” Megumi teases, causing you to laugh harder.

“For real, Megs we gotta go. It won’t be for long. I promise.” Toji says.

Megumi starts groaning, “But I wanna stay with y/n.”

“Im sure y/n has things to do.”

Megumi curls his little arms around yours, clinging to you.

“I don’t mind,” you suggest. “He can stay.”

“YAY!” Megumi cheers.

“Y/N you don’t have to. I don’t want you to think I came over here just to drop him off on you,” toji stammers, clearly thrown off by your offer.

You shrug. “I don’t have anything else to do. I’ve babysat before. As long as you trust me with him.”

“Well,” toji sighs, running his hand through his messy hair. “AS long as you ok with it. I won’t be back til after dark.”

“Thats fine,” you assure.

Toji stalks up the porch steps, squatting in front of Megumi on the seat beside you. “Listen you, little man. Behave for y/n. I mean it. Do what she tells you to do.”

“Ugh ok dad,” megumi rolls his eyes.

“Again with the bratty attitude,” Toji sighs standing up before leaning forward, bracing one hand on the back of the seat by your face to kiss his son’s forehead. “Love you.”

You swallow at the closeness, his scent dancing around you. Pure male a hint of aftershave. He reaches into his pocket, handing you a set of keys.

“Here’s the house keys. It’ll be after his dinner before I get back and I doubt you have the right kinda dinosaur chicken nuggets for him to eat.” Toji laughs. “His bedtime is 9, but nothing strict.”

“OK,” you say. “Uhm what’s your number in case I need to contact you.”

“Ha, so this how I get your number, huh? My son. Jeez, he’s got more game than me.” he shakes his head, getting his phone out and swapping numbers with you.

“I’ll text when I’m on my way back. Thanks for this,” he says as he makes his way off the porch towards his car parked on the side of the street.

“Bye daddy!” megumi wave.

You both watch as he speeds away.

“So what do you wanna do megs,” you ask.

“Let's have fun!!!” he shouts.

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morverenmaybewrites · 3 months

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Hi! I'm so glad you're back, new chapter of Pizza girl was amazing as always, for me it's absolutely the best dc fic ever!

I especially love how the relationship between Jason and other characters feels heartbreakingly natural, how it isn't a case of "love magically cured trauma" but rather slowly and messyly opening up, and trying to heal with the help of right people at right time.

And as much as I cannot wait for Jason and pizza girl to have more straight up romantic shenanigans, I love how they started with gaining each other trust and building their friendship, I adore them as domestic buddies.

I have a question, if it isn't some kind of spoiler of course, at this point of the story, does Jason have (or wants to have) a life outside of his Red Hood persona? And I mean it half psychologically half practically (similarly to pizza girl, how does he earn money if being a vigilante isn't a source of income?)

But seriously, I find it heartbreaking that as much as he yearns for home, he still lives in safe houses, and I was so happy when he thought about asking Babs for help in looking for something more permanent for himself. And it fits into his fear of being traced of course, but got me thinking, in a more personal sense, does he have a motivations for living other than trying to make up for his mistakes as Arkham Knight?

Something like: does he realise that there's Red Hood who fights for those who can't do it for themselves, but there's also Jason who likes the smell of new books, has his favorite mug and favorite way of drinking coffee, has his favorite chair at the local library, who maybe has quiet and innocent dream to get a degree or his dream job and be loved and needed by someone?

Does he realise the second one exists and deserves to be cherished by him?

(Sorry if this ask is too much, I just now realised how long it got 😭 I will absolutely understand if you don't have time to answer this)

Anyway thank you for writing this amazing and captivating work, I can't wait for next chapters, whenever they'll be ready❤

In the meantime I hope you get time to rest and have fun! Stay safe!

This is a wonderful breakdown of Jason's character! To answer your question, does Jason have a life outside of his Red Hood persona? No. Does he want one? Unconsciously, the answer is yes, but I don't think he can acknowledge it right now. For years following the Joker's torture, he's pretty much been in survival mode, keeping himself alive by being obsessed with a singular goal. First, it was to kill the Joker and Batman, and then when he found out the Joker was dead, it was to kill Batman. Now, it's to seek redemption as the Red Hood. While he may have (somewhat) progressed from his days as the Arkham Knight, he's still clinging to the same unhealthy coping mechanisms. It's a little (or a lot) like depression. He's so focused on getting through today and the next day and the next day that there's little room for anything else. Hobbies and friends and a place to feel at home in sound nice, but they also sound absolutely unattainable. And he's lived with that mindset for so long that he's all but forgotten that there are different ways to live. That's where Jason's head is right now. Maybe one day, he'll progress enough that he'll be able to look around his safehouse, so sparse that it's no different from a prison cell, and he'll think to himself that he wants something more. And it doesn't have to be anything big. Nothing so grand as the Wayne Manor. Just a small place, maybe above a bookstore. Maybe in the beginning, it's not so different from his safehouses. Just a mattress on the floor and a bathroom. But then one day, he'll add something small. Some secondhand book he bought from the store for the change he had in his pocket. It's from an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky, but it's enough to pass the time while he's waiting for updates on his cases. Maybe he reads it next to his window, by the light of the flickering street lamps, trying not to grimace at the way the hard wood is digging into his back. Maybe one of his siblings or even the reader notices. She takes him to one of her favorite flea markets under the guise of buying a new rug. And he ends up taking back an armchair, so old that the stuffing is coming out in places. But he makes do, the way he always has, he washes away the accumulated dust and dirt, he patches up the holes, and he places it next to his window. Where the street lamp shines just enough light to read by, even if it often flickers. He opens his book, written by an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky in places. But for now, he thinks, it's enough. (And maybe he'll read until morning. And maybe he'll realize, or maybe not: that the Jason Todd who used to spend hours in the Wayne Manor library, who had a favorite armchair by the fire, is still in there, somewhere. And perhaps, he'll think--or perhaps not--that the Joker hasn't killed everything that he used to be. Perhaps there's still a little bit of Robin left in him.)

#jason todd x reader #jason todd analysis #Jason finding a place to call him days at the morisaki bookshop style #moving into the second floor of a bookstore owned by a sweet old man #giving him the cozy vibes he deserves UGH #lowkey makes me want to write something about jason finally getting a place of his own #as someone who was stuck in a depressive pit for a long time and still struggle with it on occasion this ended up being highkey personal #rooting for you jay #THIS MAKES ME WANT TO WRITE A SHORT ABOUT JASON FINDING HIS OWN COZY PLACE IN THE WORLD #NO CASES #JUST COZY VIBES

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kale-theteaqueen · 5 months

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The Humble Art of Gift Giving

SO Thrilled to participate in my first ACOTAR Secret Santa with @acotargiftexchange! I absolutely loved writing this piece for @danikamariewrites. Everyone check out her work if you haven't already, it's amazing! I hope you enjoy this piece of Nessian Christmas Fluff! Merry Christmas, TTQ <3

Summary: Nesta loves giving gifts. Takes pride in it, actually. Especially at Christmas. She's had her list of potential options for her family ready for months now, and all that she needs to do now is actually buy them. And therein lies the problem. What if they aren't good enough? What if they're cheesy or off the mark? Nesta's gifts are always perfect, and this year will be no exception. Cassian knows this, and loves her for it. But her biggest challenge this year isn't shopping for family. It's getting a gift for him. Especially when she makes it her personal mission to top the previous year's presence. Luckily, all it takes is a quick trip to the local Christmas Market to give her the inspiration she needs.

Read Below or on A03!

Feyre.

Elain.

Cassian.

Gwyn.

Emerie.

Azriel.

Rhysand.

Lucien.

Amren

Morrigan??

Nesta scowled at the Excel sheet in front of her, at the blank squares that needed filling. It was December 16th, and there were still too many open-ended questions. Feyre was getting new paints, ones she specifically asked for, and were linked accordingly in her designated row, highlighted in a soft green to indicate she’d purchased them. Elain was receiving a set of earrings and a necklace made of pressed flowers, also highlighted in green.

And Cassian, well…

There were many, many links in his row. Options upon options. But nothing felt good enough.

Nothing felt good enough for Gwyn either, nor Emerie or Azriel. Links to Etsy shops, indie bookstores, and, regrettably, even Amazon filled the sheet, but they were all white, the category marked ‘Purchased?” painfully blank. And she hadn’t even begun to consider what she should purchase her extended family of sorts.

They always did this holiday together, making a big bash out of it, and every year since Feyre and Rhysand got married, and especially since she and Cassian had gotten engaged, she was presented with the same dilemma.

What did she get them? Would they even bother to get her anything?

Apparently, they were, or at least that’s what Feyre had claimed, when she asked. Her sister jumped on any chance to have a big happy family, and though it took significant effort and trial and error, she more or less had it. Nesta just didn’t know quite where she fit in.

“Sweetheart, your food is going to get cold.”

Nesta raised her eyes from her laptop, frowning at her fiancé, who was smiling knowingly at her from the other end of the couch, a bowl of pasta in his hand. She should have been working on the next book in her series, the manuscript open in a separate tab. Her last book may have only been out for about a week, but even still, deadlines were deadlines. If only Nesta had actually written anything in the past two hours.

“I gave you twenty more minutes, as promised.”

With a sigh, Nesta sat up straight, closing her laptop and evaluating his latest creation in front of her. Pesto, with fresh pine nuts and fusilli pasta. Gods, she didn’t deserve him when he made dishes like this. Especially when he had to pry her away from her writing. Or at least, what was supposed to be writing.

“How’s the Christmas list coming?”

Ah, he knew her too well.

“I just don’t know what to do,” She said, taking her first bite and practically melting at the taste in her mouth.

Cassian hummed knowingly, more than aware of how meticulously she planned Christmas presents. She collected links for months, bookmarking random Instagram ads or TikTok promos. But when it came to actually purchasing them, to deciding on what was good enough, she often lamented for weeks.

“We’re going to the market tomorrow, right?” He asked. “I’m sure we’ll turn a few more of those lines green.”

“I suppose,” Nesta said quietly, lifting a hand to push her glasses farther up her nose. A new development, one she still wasn’t quite happy about. But spending time reading in the dark had its consequences, apparently.

“We won’t leave until we’ve got at least the rest of the family knocked off.”

“Maybe it’s stupid, and I should just get them all gift cards or something.”

“You hate giving people gift cards, Nes.”

Nesta sighed, leaning back against the cushions. “But if they don’t even like me, then why would they want a gift from me?”

Cassian stretched out his leg so his foot could nudge her calf affectionately. “They like you, sweetheart. All that tension has been resolved, yeah? Mor was just telling me that she was excited to see you and hear about your latest book.”

Nesta frowned, stirring her fork around her bowl of pasta. It was true, the animosity that defined a lot of her relationship with Feyre’s found family was largely gone after months of working out past traumas or grief. Now, a year and a half later, Nesta was three books into a successful series, and happily engaged to the man beside her, who continued to look at her with nothing short of affection in his eyes, despite her anxiety.

“You’re right,” She replied. “I just…”

“Want it to be good enough?” Cassian supplied, scooting closer.

She nodded as his arm slid around her shoulders, pulling her comfortably against his chest.

“Your gifts are always so thoughtful, you know,” He replied. “Mor wears that charm bracelet you got her, with all of our initials, almost every day. I think the only competition you have is yourself, baby.”

Nesta huffed out a soft laugh, nestling into his shoulder. “I just want everything to be right.”

Cassian tipped her head up, kissing her softly. “I know. Tomorrow, Nes. We’ll get it all wrapped up, tomorrow.”

---

The Christmas Market was crowded, families and individuals alike scouring the stalls for the perfect, unique gift for their loved ones. Nesta watched them from her spot near the entrance, a cup of hot chocolate in one hand and a map in the other. In her pocket, her phone sat ready with her meticulous list of gift recipients.

“Alright,” Cassian said, looking over the page listing all the vendors. “Should we start from the right and snake our way through?”

Nesta nodded, her eyes scanning intently over the seemingly endless number of shops. There were at least twenty candlemakers, local artists, even a bonsai tree shop. The wheels in her head began turning, and she began making mental notes of who would be most interested in which items.

But before she could delve too deeply into her analysis, Cassian slid his arm around her waist, squeezing just enough that she looked up at him.

“Try not to look so serious, sweetheart. We’re supposed to be merry.”

Nesta huffed, but took a step forward towards the shops, holding out a hand for him to take. “I am perfectly merry.”

Cassian laughed, a bright and melodic sound that often was the only thing to pull her out of dreary moods. “Of course. The most festive woman I know.”

Rolling her eyes, she couldn’t help the smile that tugged on her lips. Pulling him forward, she entered the first aisle, taking in the first few shops. On careful steps, she approached a woodworking tent, eyeing the various cutting boards, cheese platters, and handcrafted pens. They were all beautiful, but nothing caught her interest or fulfilled the basic requirement of what she considered to be a perfectly tailored gift.

That is, until her eyes caught on the end of the table, at the line of puzzle boxes. She smiled, running her fingers over a medium sized one, assessing the various cogs and gears within.

Amren did mention needing something new to fidget with.

Pulling out her phone, Nesta filled in the tiny woman’s row, and flagged down the shop owner.

With one gift down, her confidence boosted, and she strode down the path towards the next few stalls with a small smile, eyes scanning over the various handmade jewelry, knitwear, and blown glass. Cassian wasn’t too far behind, though his attention was typically scattered in these kinds of environments. More often than not, she’d turn and find him gone entirely, entranced by a tent in a different aisle.

He grinned at her when she caught his eye, holding up a knitted flower hat, small and definitely intended for a pet. Immediately, her mind drifted to Azriel’s beloved twin black cats. And, more acutely, how horrified they’d be at the prospect of being dressed. Rolling her eyes, she smiled amusedly at him and shook her head before continuing on her way, knowing full well her fiancé would try and convince his brother to put them on anyway.

As she looked through each row, the time seemed to fly by, with her list slowly but surely getting smaller and smaller. As she reached the center of the market, she finally looked down at her phone to take stock of what she’d thus far acquired:

A set of blown glass flowerpots for Elain.

A cocktail smoker set for Azriel, paired with a bottle of locally distilled whiskey.

An old map of the city for Rhysand.

A set of handmade wooden ballpoint pens for Lucien.

Which left Gwyn, Emerie, Morrigan, and, of course, Cassian.

She hadn’t found anything remotely good enough for him. Everything was either something she’d already done, or found too tacky, or cliché. It had to be personal, thoughtful. Something no one else would think of.

The closer she got to reaching the end of the market, the more anxious she became about the prospect.

Luckily, all it took was a brilliant antique book stand to occupy her thoughts.

It was by far her favorite tent so far, with shelves lined with antique copies of some of her favorites, of bags made from the bindings of repurposed books, prints and posters, and everything a bookworm could dream of. Smiling at the shop owner as she entered, Nesta made her way to the collection of old novels, perusing the selections.

There was nothing particularly rare or beautiful, but as Nesta scanned her eyes over the titles, there were at least several options to satisfy Gwyn, who loved collecting old and special edition copies of her favorites. But, to her surprise, it wasn’t her lovely friend she had in mind when she found the final book in the row, larger than the others. Taking care to pull it free gently, she observed the title.

Landscape Painting Through the Ages: A Definitive Guide

Flipping through, she smiled at the depictions of various flora and fauna, of the various instructions on perspective and shading. It was old, perhaps 40 or 50 years, but it was perfect for her youngest sister, who was always looking for new references to paint from.

Even better, as she turned around to approach the counter, she spotted a gorgeous Pride and Prejudice handbag made of a re-purposed binding. Gwyn would be head over heels. The shopkeeper smiled broadly at her as she approached, and said, with a thick accent,

“That one’s been sitting on the shelf for ages. I’m glad she’s found a home.”

Nesta smiled at the kind man.

“It will be well loved.”

Arms full, she stepped back out into the path, scanning for Cassian who was, unsurprisingly, nowhere to be found. She’d thought he’d have been easier to spot, with his height. But it seemed everyone had their own tall significant other to drag around.

Retracing her steps, she scanned through the rows, tent after tent. Rounding the corner, she contemplated texting him, telling him to meet her at the entrance to save her the anxiety, but then she caught sight of his curls, the red scarf around his neck, and her tension eased.

He stood at what was unmistakably a jewelry stand, and Nesta quirked a brow as she approached. The old woman behind the counter spoke animatedly to him, and in his hands was a tiny box, wrapped simply with a satin bow. Her interest piqued, she tried to assess what it was, listening for any clues. But just as she approached his side, he spun on his heel, grinning down at her, the box disappearing into his pocket.

“There she is,” He said. “How are we doing, sweetheart?”

Nesta looked up at him quizzically, and the amusement in his eyes told her he already knew what she wanted to know. But he didn’t budge, even after several seconds of staring him down. So, she relented,

“Fairly well. Just Emerie and Morrigan left.”

And him, of course, but that was for her knowledge only.

“See, I told you this market would be a good one.”

“What about you?” Nesta asked, shifting her arms as he reached to take some of her bags from her.

“A master of gift giving never tells his secrets, Nes.”

Nesta scoffed, even as she looped her arm through his and they meandered down to the remaining tents.

“How many of those ridiculous cat hats did you buy?”

“They had powdered wigs. Do you know how amazing Shadow and Smokey will look in those?”

Nesta shook her head, unable to hide her grin. “Azriel will kill you.”

Cassian shrugged, unbothered by the prospect. “I just want one picture of my nephews. Then they can rip them up for all I care.”

“I still don’t know what to get Morrigan. I have no idea what she likes other than wine.”

Cassian tilted his head in contemplation. “There’s that distillery that makes social justice themed alcohol, their booth is back towards the front. That would be right up her alley.”

Nesta’s brows rose, the idea scratching her itch for something unique yet appropriate for the still superficial friendship they had.

“That’s perfect,” She said quietly, pulling out her phone, anxious to fill in her spreadsheet. “Let me just-”

“Take your time, baby. We’ve got plenty of it.”

Nesta stared down at the screen, satisfied by the solid block green rows. Just two left now, which seemed so much more manageable than this morning when they started. A weight lifted off her shoulders, and she let out a long, satisfied breath.

“Just Emerie then.”

Cassian hummed in acknowledgement, offering his arm to her again.

They made it to the front of the market, and Nesta turned to assess the stands again, deciding on where to look again for her friend. Slowly, she wandered to one of the first jewelry booths, assessing the various bracelets. It was intricate metalwork on gorgeous cuffs. Cuffs that would make incredible friendship bracelets.

“Your ring is gorgeous.”

Nesta lifted her eyes, meeting the soft brown ones of the girl behind the counter. Looking back down at her hand, she assessed her engagement ring, the ruby set among tiny white diamonds. Cassian was by no means a poor man, but still, she’d protested that she didn’t need something so exquisite. He disagreed.

“Thank you,” she replied. “My fiancé has good taste, or so I think.”

“Excellent taste,” the girl replied. “The gold band will match those cuffs nicely.”

A smile tugged on her lips as she ran her fingers over the metal. “I think you’re right,” she said. “I’ll take three.”

The girl grinned at her, moving away to wrap them. All the while, Nesta continued to try and come up with various ideas for Cassian. But still, nothing seemed like enough. He had an engraved watch, one she’d gotten him for their first Christmas, and he had plenty of other sentimental gifts, ones she’d all but planned out years in advance.

And now, it seemed like nothing could top it. Except perhaps his wedding band, which they’d just selected only a few weeks ago.

“Wait, are you Nesta Archeron?”

Nesta returned her attention to the girl, who had her bag of goods in her hands. Her brows were in her hairline, her mouth dropped open.

“I… Yes, I am.” Nesta replied, still unaccustomed to being recognized in public.

“I thought you looked familiar. You’re my favorite author!” The girl gushed, her entire face brightening. “Would you… Would you sign my book? I got the last copy on release day. I absolutely adore the love interest. How he accepts Aurelia even with all her quirks and dark days? To die for! Did you base him off your fiancé?”

Nesta couldn’t hide her smile this time, knowing full well that most of his description did indeed from the man waiting just a few feet behind her. And with that thought came a new idea, one that seemed so simple, yet hadn’t before crossed her mind.

“Perhaps. And I’d love to,” She replied, reaching out to accept the copy and a pen. It was still so surreal, even after all this time, to see her own work in person.

Quickly, she signed her name, wishing the girl a happy holiday season, before shutting the book and handing it back.

“Thank you so much!” The girl said, looking so unequivocally happy it made Nesta’s throat tight. It was remarkable that someone was this happy about her writing.

“And…I’m really glad you found your person. I hope one day I find mine.”

“You will,” Nesta said, accepting her jewelry with a larger smile. “I know it.”

---

Over the course of the next week, Nesta’s nerves about what to buy eased.

Only to be immediately replaced by her nerves about if each recipient would like the gifts she got them.

It was December 23, less than a day remaining before the entire family would gather for Christmas Eve dinner. Nesta was always nervous to meet with them all at once, it was a feeling that would likely never quite go away. But now, at least, it was more anticipatory. Would Elain and Feyre like their gifts? Would Mor and Amren? Rhysand and Azriel?

As she looked down at the wrapping paper in her lap, the boxes strewn out in front of her in the living room, she ran through her gift checklist one more time. A warm glow was cast over the living room, the Christmas tree lights twinkling. Cassian had lit a fire a few minutes ago, and the heat of it soothed something deep in her soul.

It would be fine. These were good gifts. She’d wrap them, and everything would be perfect.

“Nes, sweetheart, I found the rest of the scotch tape.”

Nesta lifted her eyes, smiling gratefully at Cassian as he padded back into the living room, settling down on the floor, his back against the couch. Nesta shifted down to join him, reaching for Azriel’s gifts to place into a box. With meticulous precision, she taped it up, wrapping it in navy-blue paper with silver stripes.

“You’re so good at this,” Cassian murmured. “You should make it a paid service.”

Huffing a laugh, Nesta reached for his finger, using it to hold a satin ribbon in place as she tied it off.

“I don’t think my skill is quite that impressive. Gwyn’s, perhaps. Or Elain’s. They'd probably make thousands.”

Cassian hummed, leaning forward to press a kiss to her head.

“Feeling better now that you got Emerie a slot in that coveted yoga class she’s been trying so desperately to get into?”

“Much,” Nesta replied. “Though, you know how nervous I’ll be tomorrow, anyway.”

His laugh was soft, and he shifted, his arm sliding behind her, pulling her close once she set Azriel’s wrapped package aside.

“Nervous about whether they will like your gifts or nervous about having attention on you while you open yours?”

Nesta swatted him lightheartedly, hating and loving how well he knew her.

“They’re good gifts, right?”

“Amazing gifts, sweetheart. You put Santa Claus out of business every year, and we all know it.”

“I do, don’t I?”

There was one thing, at least, she wasn’t nervous about anymore. And it was his own gift, which she’d finished only a few days ago. The idea had struck that moment at the jewelry stand, and every day since she’d worked to put it together.

He pressed a kiss to her temple, a proper smile on his face. “Does that make me Mrs. Claus?”

Nesta lifted her head, assessing with a raised brow. “I’m not sure. You can’t exactly bake cookies very well.”

Cassian reared back in mock offense. “That was one time, Nes. I could make a successful batch of cookies right this minute if you wished.”

Nesta shook her head, shifting to settle more comfortably against his chest. “I think I prefer you staying right here.”

His chest vibrated in contentment, almost a purr. His arm was a comforting weight around her, and not for the first time did she marvel at how her life had turned out. How she was spending her evenings with this man, in their house. It was all pretty perfect, if you had to ask her. And Nesta had been raised never to believe in perfect things.

“But yes, you know I love attention.” Nesta said with a sigh. “It’s always fine, I know. I’m not sure why I always get nervous.”

“You want everything to be perfect, my love. And it always is.”

Nesta hummed, though couldn’t say she was convinced. Still, she adored him for how soothed he could make her with just a few words.

“You know, I was thinking,” He added after a moment. “I know you don’t like all the attention on you when you get gifts. So, what if we start our own tradition of exchanging the night before? Just us?”

Nesta’s lips parted, and she sat up, assessing him. Her gift to him was wrapped delicately, sitting under the tree next to the one he’d placed for her, just hours ago.

“You want to?” She asked, something within her very much approving of the idea.

“Well, you’ve been very secretive about my gift. Maybe I can’t wait anymore.”

Nesta couldn’t help the smile that tugged on her lips.

“Alright.”

Before he could smile back at her, she was moving, pushing out of his arms, and crawling the few feet over to the base of the tree. Reaching, she grabbed her own package, turning back to face him.

“You sure? You like being the center of attention when there are gifts involved.”

Cassian smirked. “Because I always get the best ones from my lovely fiancé. I can brag about it all night tomorrow.”

Her cheeks heated, despite herself, but she smiled back, shifting back over to him. Holding out the package, she said,

“Well then, be my guest.”

“You’re excited,” Cassian replied, intrigue in his voice. Lifting the gift, he shook it lightly by his ear. “Should I be worried?”

“Just open it, you brute.”

His smirk softened into a gentle smile. With deft fingers, he untied the ribbon around the box and undid the paper along the taped points, not tearing. He truly knew her too well. She sat back on her haunches, watching closely, wondering only at the last minute if it was too stupid, too cheesy.

Cassian’s brows rose as he unveiled his gift, the title of her latest book staring up at him.

“This is… your book.”

Nesta bit her cheek, controlling her nerves. “Open it.”

His interest was clear in the focus that settled over his face, and he opened the cover. His eyes scanned over the note she’d penned there, an extra dedication to him and him only. Carefully, his fingers brushed over the various tabs throughout the pages.

“What is this?” He asked softly, opening up to the first one.

“We weren’t together when my first book came out,” Nesta explained. “And we were just getting started when the second came out. In this one, the main character, Aurelia, she-”

“Leaves the first love interest for the one she ends up with, I know,” He said softly, flipping to the next tab.

Nesta nodded, folding her hands in her lap. He had read the entire thing before publication, after all.

“This is…Sweetheart.”

Nesta shifted closer, evaluating which line he was looking at.

“Aurelia scowled as Ramin brushed a bead of sweat off his brow, the jagged mountain path looking nothing short of ominous. “I thought you said you liked the outdoors,” He said. “This is the outdoors.”

“I like sitting outdoors. Not hiking for thirteen miles.”

“We have to get up this hill, sweetheart. We need to get a better sense of our position.”

There, in the margins, was her script, slightly messy yet coherent to those who knew her best.

“October 4th, 2019. We went camping as a family, to Rhysand’s cabin. We got lost trying to find the campground’s maintenance buildings. We hiked six miles, because you wanted to get to higher ground, to ‘evaluate our position.’”

Each tab had a memory associated. Something Cassian did or said that Nesta had taken and put into this character, the manifestation of what love meant to her. From their petty arguments to the ways in which he understood her unlike anyone else. To how she knew it was him, from the moment they met, and no one else.

“Nesta, this is incredible.”

“I know it’s not much,” She said. “But I couldn’t figure out what to get you that you didn’t already have.”

“Sweetheart, it’s everything.”

Cassian looked up at her with genuine tears in his eyes, an expression that was almost reverence on his face. It filled Nesta with intense warmth, with love.

“You like it?” She asked, her voice a soft whisper.

He moved, quickly, closing the book with care and setting it aside, before he was crowding into her space, pressing kisses all over her face until he caught her lips, where he stayed for one, two, three, four more, until she was practically breathless.

Nesta’s hands rested against his own, which cupped her face, and laughed, just a little.

“I love it, Nesta,” He replied. “I love it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, sweetheart. I will treasure this always.”

She pressed her forehead against his, relishing the affection she felt from him.

“I wanted the world to have a piece of how wonderful you are,” She murmured. “But the specific reasons as to why can be just for us.”

“What did I tell you,” He replied, dipping her head to press another kiss to her lips. “The best gift giver.”

Pulling back, he stroked his thumb over her cheek affectionately before moving towards the tree.

“I’m afraid mine may look quite small in comparison.”

Nesta shook her head, watching as he pulled the tiny box from its place atop the tree skirt. The man could bring her a rock, and she'd likely cherish it until she died.

“You know I don’t need anything special.”

“So you tell me every time I get you a gift, baby.”

He approached her again, settling down beside her and placing the box in her hands. It was the one she’d seen briefly at the Market, the one he’d hidden from her.

“I know you got me something that’s not sentimental, and I got you a gift like that too, for tomorrow night. But these, I think, can stay between us.”

Nesta couldn’t shake the smile from her face as she nodded her agreement. For several seconds, she stared down at the box, the gold foil of it glinting in the light. Cassian nudged her with his nose, pressing a kiss to her temple.

“Open it, Nes.”

“Be patient.”

But even as she said the words, she was pulling the ribbon free and lifting the cover off. Her eyes roved over the necklace that sat nestled on a pillow of velvet, and she went still, her throat tightening.

“Cass…”

It was a simple pendant, one that held two stones – their birthstones, to be exact, bound together by metal that had been shaped to look like a single golden thread. Lifting it out of the box, she assessed it closer, lips parted in shock.

“Turn it over.”

She obeyed him, surprised at the small engraving that had somehow fit on the back. Their initials were there, with a year. Next year, the one they were getting married in.

“It’s beautiful,” She said quietly, running her finger over the gems. "Where did you-?"

“I had it custom made from the woman you saw me speaking to. I was picking it up when you so sneakily almost caught me.”

Huffing a laugh, she smiled down at the piece. Simple, yet elegant. Exactly her taste.

“Put it on me?” She asked.

“Of course, sweetheart.”

His hands were soft. They always were, when he touched her. In one gentle movement, he swept her hair over her shoulder, and in the next, he brought the necklace around her throat, the pendant resting perfectly between her collarbones. He clasped it easily, letting his hands slide over her shoulders, his head dipping to kiss her neck.

“I knew it would look beautiful on you,” He murmured. “But I still wasn’t prepared. You’re so stunning, Nes.”

Nesta leaned back into his arms, which wrapped tightly around her, the warm spices and cedar she associated with his scent enveloping her senses. Tilting her head up, she caught his jaw in a kiss, grinning as he dipped his chin to meet her lips properly.

“Merry Christmas,” She whispered, lacing their fingers together where they rested on her stomach. "I love you."

Cassian all but melted at the words, squeezing her tight and settling back against the couch, just holding her.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. I love you too.”

---

The next evening, when Nesta and Cassian arrived at Feyre and Rhysand’s house to celebrate, arms full of gifts, her family’s eyes caught immediately on the gold pendant around her neck. Mor and Feyre pestered Cassian for hours, wanting to know where, exactly, it had come from. Azriel had kissed her on the cheek, complimenting her politely as he always did, warm and protective of her as he was. Elain gushed, and Amren smiled approvingly, always appreciative of fine taste. Even Rhysand complimented it, clapping Cassian on the shoulder.

It was a soothing experience, a welcoming one. It filled her with the confidence she didn’t know she needed, to say without hesitation that she belonged here.

And as the family settled around the tree, anxious to pass out gifts, any lingering anxieties faded away to nothing. Nesta couldn’t deny it to herself any longer, nor to those around her. In that moment, she felt entirely complete, entirely content. Entirely sure that this was the life she was meant to live, here with these people.

Just as Cassian had promised, everything was entirely perfect.

--- End ---

#nessian #acotar fanfiction #acotar #nesta archeron #cassian #archive of our own #acotargiftexchange2023 #acotarsecretsanta2023 #nesta x cassian #Modern AU #Writer!Nesta

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inevitablysomber-dark · 1 year

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Unfaithful (Drabble)

Unwanted

Dark! Cheating! Bucky x Reader

This is a drabble

Warning: Cheating

I wanted to break my own heart when I wrote this. I can’t say I was Wholly successful, but it stung a bit.

Life can be so unfair, and at the moment, it felt like it was being especially cruel to you.

You and Bucky had met at your local bookstore. It was a small space with a decent collection, being susceptible to carrying more rare literature. He had been looking at a classic, pride, and prejudice when you caught his attention; from there, it had been history.

You’d never expected to get the attention of an Avenger, but here you were, living out your happiest days with him. You were living together in a beautiful home in no time and had gotten married even sooner.

Things started going downhill when you were told that the likelihood of you having a baby was less than 20%. You and Bucky had been trying for so long, and the longer you tried, the more of a failure you felt like.

Bucky tried his best to be supportive through all the expensive fertility treatments, pills, and special teas, but you could tell it was getting to him, as he wanted a baby just as badly if not more than you.

He was starting to get a bit more impatient and short with you, and you felt that you couldn’t blame him, he must have felt so unlucky to have gotten stuck in such a situation.

During these more tumultuous times in your relationship, your sister Lily's ex had broken up with her and kicked her out of their apartment, leaving her to be homeless. You found her on your doorstep looking for a place to stay, opting out of living with your parents because she thought living with you would mean more freedom.

Your sister had always been spoiled by everyone around her, your parents definitely had their preferences when it came to her, and you had to accept that at a pretty young age, not to mention the partners that had left you hoping to have a chance with her.

So, of course, you were reluctant about letting her stay with you, your parents had tried to convince you to let her stay with you, and it wasn’t until Bucky confronted you and insisted that you allowed her to stay.

At first, you would barely see her during her stay, but soon she started staying home more often, opting to wear more skimpy outfits, especially around Bucky. You told her to stop, but both she and Bucky called you insecure.

The whole situation just made you sick to your stomach, giving you constant nausea. But you couldn't prove anything, so you kept your mouth shut.

Until…

You’re woken up in the middle of the night by your husband's moaning and your sister's squeaks. You knew what to expect when you peeked out to the living room from the top of the stairs, but that didn’t mean you were ready for it. Your heart shattered into a million pieces as you watched your husband fuck himself into your sister, both as naked as they could get.

You quietly rushed back to the bedroom you shared with your husband, pushing into the master bedroom and emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet.

Usually, you would sleep like the dead, the fertility medication you took made sure of that, but you had been feeling so sick, and since you and Bucky hadn’t been having sex anyways, you decided against it.

You sat on the edge of your bed, listening to them finish their activities, and before you know it, Bucky walked it, shock etched on his face as he didn’t expect you to be up.

“Did you have fun?” you asked.

He scrunched his brows. “She’s Pregnant,”

You let out a broken exhale “ How could you do this to me?”

“I don’t need some broken wife who can’t even give me a kid, you can go ahead and take all the magic pills you want, but you know better than anyone else that it’s not going to work,”

You sob.

Why was he upset with you, as if you’d done something wrong?

He lets out an annoyed sigh and walks out of the room, it isn’t long until you hear the noises again that you realize that he never cared for you.

The next morning your sister comes in apologizing, and anger fills your veins as you tell her to fuck off. Bucky comes to her defense, and you feel so overwhelmed that you just leave.

You stay with your parents for a while, and after a few weeks, they decide to have an intervention with you, your sister, and Bucky.

They made it seem like you were the problem and were getting in the way of Bucky and your sister’s relationship.

Not once did anyone acknowledge how they screwed you over, how your heart was broken into a million pieces because two people you thought loved you had betrayed you in the worst possible way.

No one cared about how you felt, and you were sick of it. Your blood began to boil, your nausea hadn’t improved since you left the house, and if anything, it seemed to worsen with the intervention. So you decided that while your family tried to convince you to be ok with such a fucked up situation, now was the perfect time to go to the clinic.

You got up in the middle of your mother's speech and walked out.

It was that day that you found out that you were pregnant.

When you left the clinic, you had the thought to tell everyone the good news, and for a moment, you were elated. This was a result you’d been hoping to hear for the longest, but then reality hit you all at once with a single text from your mother.

‘If you can’t learn to be a family, don’t bother coming back.’

You had cried in your car for hours.

You thought of having an abortion, but you wanted a baby, and with only a 20% chance of conception, there was no telling if you’d ever get another chance like this again.

What were you going to do?

What could you do?

#dark bucky x reader #cheating bucky #cheating! bucky barnes #cheating! bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader #angst #dark! Bucky Barnes x Reader

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zodiactalks · 27 days

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What FIRST DATE Will Make Each Zodiac Sign FALL in LOVE?

The first date can make or break the chances of a future relationship. It tells you a lot about the person you are considering as a partner.

If you are well suited to one another or not.

The zodiac signs are all likely to have a couple of key things they look for on a first date. They may want a relaxed, traditional date. Or they may want a thrilling, adventure-style date.

Let’s take a look at what will have each zodiac sign falling in love by the end of your first date.

Aries

Anything fun to bring out Aries inner child.

And make it competitive.

It can be physical like hiking or a sport they enjoy. It could be an amusement park or a go-cart track. If they are more intellectual, you could take them to a museum or historical landmark with a good long walk to it.

Anything that gets Aries moving will endear you to them. Make sure it applies to their interests. They will be pleasantly surprised at your attention to detail.

Taurus

Anything from a nice dinner and a movie to a casual café date works for Taurus.

Taurus is a creature of habit. If they mentioned a favorite spot they go to a lot, or a place they tried once and liked, take them there.

Taurus would also enjoy it if their date took them somewhere that meant a lot to them. Taurus loves to learn about the person they are dating by experiencing what they love. If the two happen to love the same thing, it will be the start of a great relationship.

Gemini

Talk with Gemini for hours.

When Gemini begins to talk to you about themselves in a more intimate manner, they may be falling for you.

If you can get Gemini talking about themselves, they will likely be the one to ask you out. They have an abundance of date ideas to choose from. If they ask you to pick one, it is likely a test.

Pick the right one and you will see Gemini light up. They know you are the person for them.

Cancer

Take Cancer to a cultural festival.

Cancer loves local gatherings. They like to interact with different communities and learn about other cultures.

Cancer will be surprised at your off the beaten path date idea. Not many people would think of such a casual, yet personal date idea like this. It will show your consideration for things Cancer enjoys.

Leo

A fancy date to a fancy restaurant.

Dates, especially the first one with a potential partner, must be classy. They are an excuse to get dressed up in Leo’s best clothes.

If your Leo is a woman, you’d best expect to foot the bill. Leo is a traditional zodiac sign, and all genders love to be doted on.

The first date with a Leo is all about silently testing you. Will you compliment their appearance? Will you laugh at their jokes? Will you pay for dinner and drinks? If you pass them all, Leo will be infatuated.

Virgo

Take Virgo to a bookstore.

Virgo is all about learning. They probably already have a home library they want to keep adding to.

If you take Virgo on a date to the bookstore and buy them books, you might as well have proposed.

Make sure you let them read in peace. But do stay near them. If they give you a book that they love, make sure to read it and try to understand why they treasure it. That kind of effort will have Virgo falling for you.

Libra

Libra will enjoy cultural festivals, museums, and theatre performances.

Libra enjoys the arts. If you take them somewhere they have mentioned wanting to go, like that new play, you will see them light up.

Dress up in a classy outfit and enjoy the show. After, make sure to take Libra to a nice dinner and escort them home.

Libra loves the classy, rom-com type dates. Depending on the individual, tailoring the date to them and their specific tastes will be key.

Scorpio

Take Scorpio on an adventure.

Scorpio is quite the adrenaline junkie and will enjoy any date that feeds that. If you are willing to go along with that kind of date, you will have them hooked.

Scorpio enjoys trying out new, out-of-the-way places they may not have known existed. This could be a small place to eat down a creepy alleyway. Which will engage their adventurous and thrill-seeking sides at the same time.

Double points if it turns out the restaurant is bougie. Scorpio can have expensive taste, and indulging that will have them falling for you.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius will enjoy a date just about anywhere.

If Sagittarius is already crushing on you, there’s a good chance they will love wherever you take them. Of course, asking the individual for their input is always a good idea, as they will have opinions.

Sagittarius will likely want to go somewhere new to them. If you have a place you are familiar with, take them there. Sagittarius lives for experiences, getting to know the person they are dating through their favorite places is attractive to Sagittarius.

Capricorn

Take Capricorn to a new hiking spot.

Capricorn likes to get out of the busy city when they get the chance. Hiking is an enjoyable thing for them. Spending time in nature is healing.

If you introduce Capricorn to a new place to hike, they will find you a valuable resource. It sounds a bit cold when talking about a person they are dating, but that’s the first step in making a Capricorn fall for you.

Capricorn has to find a person useful and valuable to them for attraction to set in. Once it does, though, prepare to be loved hard.

Aquarius

Aquarius can be wooed by travel dates and dedication to a cause.

Aquarius is a natural humanitarian. It’s not unusual to find them volunteering at a local organization or community event. That is oftentimes how they meet people they end up dating.

Aquarius wants to know the person they consider dating has values that align with their own. It’s essential that they see eye-to-eye with you.

Aquarius is not one to overlook a difference of opinion when it comes to moral standing. This will have to be the first thing you prove to get Aquarius to go on a date with you.

Aquarius will be excited if you come up with a day trip somewhere close by. Preferably somewhere they haven’t yet explored. If you can find an opportunity to combine travel with their other passions, Aquarius will find themselves falling for you.

Pisces

Pisces will enjoy a sweet, personalized date.

Cook them dinner, take them for a drive to go look at the stars, and talk about anything and everything.

Pisces wants to feel the effort you are putting into dating them. It is extremely important to Pisces that a potential partner can share in their interests and efforts in a relationship.

By putting in that effort on your first date with Pisces, it will endear you to them quickly.

#Zodiac Signs #ZodiacFact #Zodiac #astrology #Aries #Aquarius #Cancer #Capricorn #leo #libra #scorpio #taurus #Pisces #Sagittarius #Gemini #virgo

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blushblushbear · 5 months

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cashew headcanons please im so so gay for him

TIME FOR DIS NUT aka our darling little bookworm

cut cause I went on for a bit and none of it is important OOPS

okay first off since he's a college boy let's start with the fact that he has zero alcohol tolerance

like none

he'll have 2 sips of a light beer or a half a shot of malibu and he's red in the face sweating and swaying like 'oh wow, I'm really feeling it haha'

Same with coffee

anything past a normal strength cup he's VIBRATING

he doesn't have a heart condition like Nimh but give him a shot of espresso and he'll think he does

is constantly waiting for someone to ask him for book recommendations

and when they do he is sponge bob's eager face BOY IS OVER THE MOON

also he doesn't just read good books

he'll literally read anything

he ADORES trashy novels

especially if they're spicy *eyebrow wiggle*

he recognizes they aren't good but they are so wild and out of pocket like

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S SECRETLY HIS EX'S BROTHER AND ALSO HIS STEP MOM'S LOVER AND DATING HIS EVIL SECRET HALF COUSIN WHOSE TRYING TO KILL THEIR UNCLE AND HIS DAD BUT CAUGHT FEELINGS AND IS NOW PLOTTING TO TAKE HIM HOSTAGE ////WHAT?!////

he'd love shows like gossip girl and pretty little liars if they were BOOKS instead

except OOPS they are actually and he'd love to infodump about that little fact to me if I let him (at least I think they both are?? I know pretty little liars is-- THAT PLOT IS /NUTS/)

honestly he loves when things are written well but he also loves when plots are NUTS

the only kind of nuts he can have

well... second kind

he'd be a secret college slut (respectfully and also def not actually a secret) if he wasn't head over heels for you

now he's just in your dms/texts constantly

his family is just as quiet and mousey as he is

everyone is just as nerdy

though his dad doesn't read as much-- he's more tv and movies and games nerd

he gets his love of books from his mom's side

he'd KILL to be a librarian

or work at a bookstore

English major vibes

but not just vibes that actually is his major lol

has def had a crush on 3 different librarians growing up and 1 creative writing teacher

can't math for shit

his favorite parts of campus friends taking him on nights out is him getting to read in little corners he can find and the 3am breakfasts at the local diner

I've talked about this before but him Nimh and Poe are in a book club together

he thinks Nimh is the coolest cause he's a PA for a publisher

can read a harry potter length book series in an afternoon (also hates terfs <3 )

his favorite genres are romance of any kind but he does have a special fondness for the trashier romances, fantasy, and he does love a mystery but mostly cause he can never see the twists coming

the smartest idiot you'll ever meet

or maybe he's the dumbest smart guy???

either way he is both very clever and very simple all at once

also very well meaning

incapable of wrong

only of oops

(a lot of oops actually, he's kinda clumsy)

once went a whole day without eating cause someone recommended a new series and he LIKED IT VERY MUCH

I wish for the life of me I could remember ANY book series atm

I know of a few by like--- vaguely what they're about but I can't remember their names

he could though

he will spend whole dates telling you the plot of a book series in great detail

loves pets

not great with them

also low key allergic to a few

big rip cause he loves cuddles

cries over a cat at a distance while sniffing

also really likes birds

met a few birds as a squirrel and now he knows Poe who was a bird so like--

birds are buds of his

can't say no to something cute

cute eraser, cute pen, cute notebook, cute cookie, cute you

just can't refuse cute

would totally rock a cottage core vibe if he could manage to keep a plant alive

he lost his ficus Marcel and he's still low key getting over it

uses a wallet sized photo of you as a book mark

def has you or a pic of you and him as a lock screen

the home screen is a pic of a page of a book

is very good at those 'name the book this opening line is from' challenge

good omens, both the book and the show, WRECKED HIM

actually good omens was his fav book to screen adaption thus far

he has a few others but he's more excited about good omens

wants to be friends with Aziraphale

I could ramble on forever but I think I'll end it here

loves that hack where you put cheese on ramen

#bear text #blush blush #blush blush game #bb game #bear talks #bb #cashew blush blush #blush blush cashew #cashew bb #cashew #bear answers

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chemicallywrit · 5 months

Text

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! Last one of the year! There are so many amazing shows I listened to this year--Gastronaut, Kakos Industries, Madame Magenta, Dungeons & Daddies, Cry Havoc! Ask Questions Later, Bronzeville, Deviser, Ghosts in the Burbs, The Silt Verses, Fall of the House of Sunshine, The Ballad of Anne and Mary, Eliza: A Robot Story, Eeler's Choice, Hemophobia--this list isn't even comprehensive! But here is what stood out to me this week. (As always, some spoilers follow.)

🦸‍♂️ I've had Superhuman Public Radio on my radar for a while, but I finally got a chance to listen to it this week. For lack of a better way of putting it, the structural integrity of this show is flawless. It sounds exactly like listening to NPR, and it's funny and clever with some really incredible worldbuilding. It's everything I like about listening to local news without the stress of it being local news that affects me. I love it.

✨ I'm also new to Breathing Space, but the Firefly vibes are off the charts. I love any story that is basically just Anticapitalists in Space, but the western vibes of this really make the stories hit home. I especially liked S1E2, "A Rat Among Falcons," because who doesn't love a scruffy nobody being incorporated into a found family? S1E5, "The Salvage of the Valentina Tereshkova" was also a really excellent space horror story. I can't wait to see what they do next. And that theme song tho, right??

❤️‍🩹 @thefringespod has been making incredible use of their new full cast, and I love the twist that this season is driving home--it's not a story presented to you, the listener, it's a tragedy that the mute second character is helping to undo. The softness of the family that Pine Gonzalez spent the whole first season describing comes through beautifully in the work of the actors.

🌊 Modes of Thought In Anterran Literature is always a little bit unnerving, but this week our professor faced the horrors of...rich people. Like, REALLY rich people. "You're already paying for private security?" Absolutely chilling conversations. There was a headline this week about a bunch of Silicon Valley millionaires trying to start a utopia in the desert, which works great all the time of course, and I thought of Anterra, tearing itself apart, and about the professor, who doesn't exactly make great choices, tearing himself apart too.

🐺 Things are getting very scary on Palimpsest! Is this a werewolf season?? It is VERY gothic, which is fun in a Jazz Age setting. It feels incongruous, which just adds to the horror. The quiet build of Palimpsest never disappoints me.

📦 Bless those children on @storiesfromylelmore, they're so darn good. ItMe has always been excellent at writing along the span of human nature, and seeing them do it with the three kids in Stories from Ylelmore is wonderful. Of course, a lot of the credit has to go to ItMe's flawless line delivery too. The kids feel very real, even while they're delivering magical packages from a bookstore to the head of the local witch coven.

🐦 The Amelia Project's Twelve Days of Christmas thing has been so funny. I half hope we never find out who's tormenting Alvina. The only downside is that now I have the song stuck in my head constantly, and seeing that it's like, the second-worse Christmas song, this is a problem. The show's worth it, though.

🕯️ What should appear in my podcatcher this morning but the second episode of Flickers! I was intrigued by that first episode, and this second one is really bringing home the isolationist horror. I can't wait for the next installment.

👽 Among the Stars and Bones is coming back! It's coming back this month! This is one of my all-time favorite sci-fi shows, everyone, if you're not on board yet then GET WITH IT, because this next season is guaranteed to blow your mind.

That's what I've been listening to! Here's what's going on with me:

🧟‍♀️ The Dead has been posting episodes from its second series, Ephemeris, which I wish we could have spent more time on, because the premise is so good. Zombies. In. Space. My gosh. David Ault and Kayla Temshiv in particular are killing it on this story. It'll be a few weeks before our next story premiers, but I'm REALLY excited about that one. Tune in!

Finally, the most important news...

💚Inn Between Returns on Wednesday!🏹

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

I am THRILLED about season five. The cast is killer, the story is fantastic, everyone's bringing their A-game, and I can't wait for you to hear it.

That's all for me! Happy New Year everyone!

(If you like what I do, I'd love it if you could send me a ko-fi! Especially since my car just frikkin. Died. So rude of it. Thanks!)

#superhuman public radio #breathing space podcast #tales from the fringes #modes of thought in anterran literature #palimpsest #stories from ylelmore #the amelia project #flickers podcast #among the stars and bones #the dead podcast #inn between #audio drama sunday #audio drama #audio fiction #fiction podcast

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floral-ashes · 3 months

Text

Book release day! Very queer, very trans, very fun~~ <3

🚨📚 Today is the Canadian release day for my new book Gender/Fucking: The Pleasures and Politics of Living in a Gendered Body! Reviews of the book and links to where you can get it are at the bottom of this post.

But first, some pictures!

Asking what we can learn from sexual arousal, the book takes an incredibly raw and thought-provoking look at community, queerness, fetishization, trauma, and hope. The book tricks you into reading theory by sandwiching it in erotica. Or maybe it tricks you into reading erotica by sandwiching it in theory? I don’t know anymore...

I decided to go with an indie press that believed in the book and its transformative potential. But it means we don’t have the marketing budget of Penguin et al. I really need your collective help with spreading the word about it. Because it could benefit so many.

Early readers told me it’s a book that unmakes you and puts you back together piece by piece. It hurts, it troubles, and it nourishes. It gives voice to truths that were hidden deep in your bones. That’s how I felt writing it, and what I hope I get to share with all readers. I was using the expression “academic smut” to describe the book, but someone said it might be better called “smut therapy.”

I’ve joked a few times with friends that this is a book best read one orgasm per chapter. But it has more than a grain of truth to it. I do believe that we can learn from arousal, instead of seeing it as the antithesis of knowledge. Don’t disavow the truths of the body.

The book is an ode to the messiness of human experience. I wrote it as a way of healing and of connecting with others. While I foremost wrote it with other queer and trans people in mind, everyone can see themselves in this book and gain from it. We all share in humanity.

This year has been rough, between the intense harassment, death threats, and hate hitting really close to home. Knowing that this book was coming out has sustained me. Knowing that I would have this moment of community, of shared passion, has been a balm on those psychic wounds.

Once you get your copy, post pictures and share your impressions as you read under the hashtag #GenderFucking. You can also tag me! This book is a journey. You will feel deeply. You will have many thoughts. Some challenging, some cathartic, some freeing. All worthwhile.

You can also help me out by posting reviews on Goodreads and Amazon. If you want to write a longer review for a blog or a magazine, or suggest it for review at your favourite newspaper or magazine, that would be tremendous! All help spreading the word is truly appreciated.

Ignite the flames of passion and curiosity. Join me in embracing the raw, vibrant truth of our gendered existence.

𝐏𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤:

“This book is a light among a sea of uncertainty and darkness.” -Haley (spoonie.reads)

“This book aroused me, laid bare my trauma, and rang a bell deep in my soul. […] This book could change your life. It changed mine.” -Gwen Marshall, philosopher

“Transsexuality has never been sexier.” -Cáel Keegan, author of Lana and Lilly Wachowski: Sensing Transgender

“By introducing new ways of thinking about love, sex, relationships, and the impending future, this book meditates on the stigma against daring to have a body—and especially a transfeminine body—in public space.” -Amy Marvin, author of Laughing at Trans Women: A Theory of Transmisogyny

For longer reviews, head on over to Goodreads.

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐮𝐲:

Find a local bookstore in Canada by using the “shop local” function of this website.

For a partial list of bookstores in Canada and elsewhere.

For the ‘muricans among you.

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asecretvice · 4 months

Note

Hey. I just really want to thank you for “And This, Your Living Kiss”. I’m guessing you may be a bit tired hearing us talk about it, what, 4, 5 years after you published it? I just need to express some gratitude. Your poem “Perfect” was probably the first poem ever to make cry, and I still read it occasionally when I’m down. It’s honestly probably my favorite poem ever. For me it captures this delicate, still very anchored kind of happiness that just hits so deep. Kind of like the opposite of melancholia. I hope you get what I’m saying and that I’m not just talking out of my ass, and if I am, I was hoping you’d share some of your thoughts about this poem?

Also, this story is truly my favorite story ever. Has been for a very long time. A question I have for you is, is there any place where we can read more of your poetry? And if not, I was also wondering if you’d be willing to share with us some of your favorite poets/poems?

Firstly, thank you for your patience; sometimes it takes me a while to get to asks.

But mostly, thank you so much for these kind words. Do not ever doubt yourself when taking the time to extend your positivity to others; I—and I daresay the vast majority of people—do not get tired of receiving these small kindnesses. It’s a reminder that life can be full of connection, a reminder that when I send a little bit of my heart out into our raging, grief-filled world, there are those who accept and understand and, hopefully, keep passing that love forward. And thusly we make the world a better place. So please receive my gratitude for reaching out.

That you love “Perfection” means so much to me. It was the first piece of the fic I wrote, you know, and pretty much became the basis for who Dean is in the fic thereafter. I don’t feel you’re talking out of your ass at all. Dean is such a complex character, and I think that’s why so many of us relate to him; we see our own complexity and contradictions reflected back at us through him. There is of course happiness there among the rest—a boy/man who is at his happiest when with his family (blood or no). Underneath it all is that deep thread of love we (and Cas!) admire and strive toward within ourselves.

Unfortunately I don’t have poetry published anywhere else. Maybe someday.

Several of my fav poets/poems appear in the fic already, though they’re among many others. However because I’ve been thinking about her lately, I hope you’ll indulge me if I talk about Elizabeth Barrett Browning and her masterpiece Sonnets from the Portuguese.

In the modern day EBB’s words most often show up in the guise of “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” It sounds a bit hokey, doesn’t it? I know I always thought so; especially to my teenage ear it was sickly sweet if not downright simpering. Spoiler: I was wrong. Context changes everything.

Do you believe that some books or stories come into your life at just the right time? Fast forward to when I’m 18 or 19. I’m in a town I’ve never been to before, visiting people I barely know. My host needs to work and offers to drop me off in the town center to explore. I agree because the weather’s fair and I’m desperate for a break from polite company, as it were. Happily it’s a pleasant area, full of green and not far from a large canal. After wandering along its edge for a while I aim back toward the local stores and window-shop up and down the streets. At last I stumble upon a used bookstore right next to a gelateria! Well you couldn’t have put two things together that more matched my taste if you tried. Naturally, I resolve to find a book and then go next door for some gelato and spend my time enjoying them both.

The bookstore is in an older building, for sure, with hardwood floors and the type of wainscoting that make me think it’s from the early 20th century at least. It’s split into multiple rooms and connected by open doorways; I wonder if it used to be a home. Many, though not all of the bookshelves are built into the walls and painted a pleasant white, stuffed to the gills with books in every color. The only other soul in the building is the man behind the front counter, and aside from a swift exchange of polite smiles I am left alone. I start by going to the left and poking around the shop and its little book-filled rooms counterclockwise, determined to choose at least one thing before I leave. What type, what genre? What length, what mood? I don’t know, but am sure I’ll know it when I see it. I’m free to choose whatever I like, you understand, because rarely had an English teacher in my past convinced me I couldn’t teach myself better, and I’d resolved never to take a class in the English department in college if I could help it (and for better or worse, I never did).

I take my time twisting in and out of the treasure-filled corners, no rush and no fuss. Yet no book sings to me. At length I near the back of the shop; on the far side beneath a window is a short, two-shelf bookcase. With waning hope I crouch in front of the shelf and begin reading spines. Aha! It’s filled with poetry. Perhaps there is some hope after all…then there it is: Sonnets from the Portuguese. Definitely faux-fancy binding, but still pretty. It looks like this:

I flip through, and every sonnet is accompanied by a different piece of silhouette art. It’s lovely, and it sings to me. A small pencil mark on the inside indicates it only costs a couple bucks, so I rummage in my wallet, stop by the front desk, and leave the store with the book clutched in my hands. With the rest of my cash I go to the gelateria next door and pick a couple of unusual flavors and again, alone, I choose a rickety metal table outside and sit with nothing but birds and sunshine for company. I skip the introduction and open the book immediately to the first sonnet:

I thought once how Theocritus had sung Of the sweet years, the dear and wished for years, Who each one in a gracious hand appears To bear a gift for mortals, old or young: And, as I mused it in his antique tongue, I saw, in gradual vision through my tears, The sweet, sad years, the melancholy years, Those of my own life, who by turns had flung A shadow across me. Straightway I was ’ware, So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair, And a voice said in mastery while I strove, . . 'Guess now who holds thee?'—'Death,' I said, But, there, The silver answer rang . . 'Not Death, but Love.'

What do you glean from the poem? It is slow and sad, a bright mythologized ideal set against a woman sunk deep in dark grief, a darkness that swiftly shifts into horror as a Shape appears behind her, physically pulls her from her weeping, and demands a response. She is so sure that her own death has at last come upon her, except what’s appeared…is love? Love, of all things? Love?

This is not at all what I am expecting to read. I fill up with another spoonful of gelato and eagerly turn the page.

And turn, and turn—Reader, I’m hooked. I’m strapped into a rollercoaster and freefalling down the first slope, on a wild ride built by a woman who’s been chronically ill since childhood, who’s lived through the death of her mother and beloved brother, whose father keeps her in his house and firmly under his thumb even long into her thirties, who still manages to write and get published and yet still lives lonely in her dark room…Sonnets from the Portuguese is an epic journey via the most astonishing set of 44 sonnets about how love completely changed her life, sonnets which her husband later touted to be the best in English since Shakespeare (and I agree). If you haven’t read the sonnets I encourage you to do so before reading on, link here, but if you’d rather I walk you through…

Even reading them again now I am in awe. How baldly and boldly she talks about how she and Robert, because of course it’s about her famous courtship with Robert Browning, are not meant to be. Not just her circumstances at home, not just her poor health, not just the fact that she thinks herself so below him and his worth, but also her grief. The darkness that lives in her! So many lines from these poems are woven into the tapestry of my life, like from sonnet V: Behold and see / What a great heap of grief lay hid in me. She warns that it could ruin him. Stand further off then! go! it ends.

And yet the next one (VI) begins: Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand / Henceforward in thy shadow. It is too late. She’s already been changed. The world and her perception of it are already shifting. Read how the beginning of VII illustrates this:

The face of all the world is changed, I think, Since first I heard the footsteps of thy soul Move still, oh, still, beside me, as they stole Betwixt me and the dreadful outer brink Of obvious death, where I, who thought to sink, Was caught up into love, and taught the whole Of life in a new rhythm. The cup of dole God gave for baptism, I am fain to drink, And praise its sweetness, Sweet, with thee anear.

She was sinking into oblivion, death her companion, until he stood between them and she was caught up into love, no longer to go through her days sitting simple and still in her room, content to wallow in the sorrow she’d been given. Yet…that still doesn’t matter, because how can she reciprocate? And, crucially, does it make her a bad person that she can’t?

am I cold, Ungrateful, that for these most manifold High gifts, I render nothing back at all? Not so; not cold,—but very poor instead. (VIII)

Have you ever been there? Found yourself wondering if you’re even capable of love and kindness toward others given all you’ve been through, and how horrible it feels to think that ability’s been stolen from you? Is what little you can eke out even worth anything in comparison? Beloved, I only love thee! let it pass. (IX)

But she continues turning the idea of love over in her mind. Could it be that love is fully worthy, no matter where it comes from? There’s nothing low / In love, she reasons, when love the lowest (X). Still it does not seem that she herself could be worthy—and if this is worthy love, anyway, would she have even known how to do it if she’d not first been shown by him?

And thus, I cannot speak Of love even, as a good thing of my own: Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak, And placed it by thee on a golden throne,— And that I love (O soul, we must be meek!) Is by thee only, whom I love alone. (XII)

It seems that Robert persists in his own love, because then an earnest plea: that he love her for love’s sake, because people change in time. She herself is changing now because of him! Do not even love her because he loves taking care of and comforting her, because his love could lessen her need for that comfort! (XIV)

Regardless she is not without feeling, as sad and calm as she outwardly seems. She’s just not like him. But…could his love and his will be strong enough to overcome all these obstacles? Why, conquering / May prove as lordly and complete a thing / In lifting upward, as in crushing low! With such success, she says, I at last record, / Here ends my strife. (XVI)

But of course, nothing can be quite so simple. Her first question is how she can be useful to him. This does not feel like a full partnership:

How, Dearest, wilt thou have me for most use? A hope, to sing by gladly? or a fine Sad memory, with thy songs to interfuse? A shade, in which to sing—of palm or pine? A grave, on which to rest from singing? Choose. (XVII)

That theme of death, too, is still ever-present. Even as the next couple of sonnets talk about how they’ve exchanged locks of hair she speaks of it. In XX a sea-change is further revealed, however, when she compares her life before Robert to the one after knowing him, how link by link, [I] Went counting all my chains but now, in contrast to VII’s cup of dole, she drinks from life’s great cup of wonder! She begs him to keep saying that he loves her (XXI), continuing the theme that his love will teach her, lift her, allay her many fears. But the next again ends with the death-hour rounding it.

Robert’s response? That her death would harm him. She admits to marveling at this revelation. If it is to be believed,

Then my soul, instead Of dreams of death, resumes life’s lower range. Then, love me, Love! look on me—breathe on me! As brighter ladies do not count it strange, For love, to give up acres and degree, I yield the grave for thy sake, and exchange My near sweet view of heaven, for earth with thee! (XXIII)

So first we learn that it is Love, not Death that has grabbed her; then we know that she feels Robert’s soul has slipped between her and the brink of death and thus she begins to question her constant sorrow; she is changing by his love; she will stop worrying about her worthiness and be of use to him and bask in what love he is willing to give her; but only now, finally, does she give up death itself in order to live her life. She is choosing to live!

The next few sonnets double down on this, about how all her hope had become despair, about how for so long she only had visions for company, and didn’t know they were mere shades in comparison to a reality of actually living, how Love, as strong as Death, retrieves as well. Also important? His saving kiss (XXVII).

We’ve come far, but progress isn’t an even trajectory. The rollercoaster dips again: now that she wishes to live, she wishes to live in his presence. She is both touch-starved and starved for company. Because their letters—one of, if not the most famous set of love letters in the English language—are to her all dead paper, mute and white! She speaks of how they fixed a day in spring / To come and touch my hand…a simple thing, / Yet I wept for it! (XXVIII) So we got the first mention in the last sonnet of his kissing her, and now a memory of when he first touched her hand. She goes on to write about how thinking of him is no longer enough; she needs to be near him. She then wonders, when he is gone, if she has embellished his feelings for her. Can you blame her? I certainly can’t. Her dark thoughts are now manifesting in these doubts about her perception, rather than her abilities.

But upon his next visit, she admits, I erred / In that last doubt! (XXXI). His presences reassures that all is real, not dream. And while she has always found it unlikely that their bond could have formed so fast (Quick-loving hearts, I thought, may quickly loathe, XXXII), now that she knows him she knows it was wrong to think that of him. She then brings up her childhood and draws parallels between the bright happy love she felt then with the love she feels now…even though, given the life she’s lived, the love she feels really can’t be the same. Her thoughts are no longer that of a child’s, which can be lightly turned aside, but for him she can and will turn from her dark, lonely thoughts when called.

This all decided, that their love is deep and true and as real as the loves she used to feel, and that she wants to be with him, an important question remains: If I leave all for thee, wilt thou exchange / And be all to me? Simply reading the poems and knowing their time period (Victorian) it could be enough to assume that it’s a regular leaving of your childhood home to create your own. But remember what I said at the beginning? The control her father exerts over her? She knows he would never approve. Hell, it was difficult enough for her siblings to make lives for themselves within his shadow. Going with Robert would mean truly leaving everything. She knows it won’t be easy: For grief indeed is love and grief beside (XXXV).

This great fear invites more doubt. She admits she has grown stronger and more confident, but that doesn’t make her troubles disappear. She knows she does their love a disservice in so doubting and in so fearing, but she can’t help it. But then…she returns to the physical, to his presence. In XXXVIII she speaks of their first three kisses: the first on her hand, the second for her forehead, but half-landed on her hair, and the third upon my lips was folded down / In perfect, purple state; since when, indeed / I have been proud and said, “My love, my own.”

She goes on in the next sonnets to say how grateful she is that he truly sees her and knows her beyond all the layers of sorrow and sickness she labors under. It should also be noted that, uncommonly for their time, he at 33 or so was courting her at 39/40. And so she is grateful, too, that he thinks it soon when others cry “Too late.” (XL). She then thanks all who had ever loved or listened, but again thanks Robert for listening to her even when it was difficult. She doubles down, now, on her decision to live:

I seek no copy now of life’s first half: Leave here the pages with long musing curled, And write me new my future’s epigraph, New angel mine, unhoped for in the world! (XLII)

And then—only now, as the rollercoaster shoots us upward and onward in joy and hope for a good, loving future—does she begin sonnet XLIII with How do I love thee? She asks this, not as some young girl with no life experience about a boy she’s seen across the room (I mean, how else was I supposed to interpret it, given how it’s used in the modern age?). She asks this as a woman full four decades into her life, a life full of chronic illness, an authoritarian home, and familial grief. She asks this after months of courtship during which she fought for every inch of belief, and hope, and joy. Where she at last came to know her own strength of heart and of will. Because she does leave her home, dear Reader. She elopes with Robert Browning, gets married in France, and lives out the rest of her life in Italy, where death finally catches up to her at 55. Keep all this in mind, as you read the sonnet in full:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of everyday’s Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.

There is one more sonnet, where she brings back flowers, a motif I didn’t spend time on in this post, to talk about how their souls are intertwined down to their roots. I bring it up now not just because flowers end this glorious cycle of forty-four poems, but because I think of her grave.

A year or two after I fell in love with these poems I was lucky enough to be in Italy myself. Some friends and I were walking around Florence and I insisted we had to find the English cemetery. I remember it as being this island of a hill in the middle of some busy streets, all fenced in with a little building at the entrance. When we scurried across the street and inside, there was a nun there who greeted us warmly. I told her I was looking for Elizabeth Barrett Browning and she lit up. She motioned for us to follow as she told me that they do their best to take care of her grave, and have always done so (I don’t know if she means just those who work there or Italians in general, as EBB was loved by Florence in her time). But, she said, they did not look kindly upon Robert, because he spent all this money on a beautiful tomb but he never, ever came to visit. She said this with the authority of someone who had witnessed it herself, though of course that was impossible. This was clearly a story deemed important enough—or perhaps simply so full of strong feeling—to stand the test of time.

The tomb is indeed beautiful. The pictures when I did a quick lookup on the internet do not do it justice; forgive me for not having the energy now to dig up where I’ve saved the old files of the pictures I took myself. At the time it was absolutely surrounded by tall, enormous roses, deep red in color. After I had my fill the nun was kind enough to take us on a tour of the rest of the cemetery, which was lovely. But I’ve never been able to shake the memory of that story, the one where the nuns lived and died resentful of an absent Robert.

It wasn’t until about a year and a half ago, when I read Fiona Sampson’s recent biography Two-Way Mirror: The Life of Elizabeth Barrett Browning that it finally made sense. Robert often avoided grief in this way, it seems, afraid to travel back to England when family members were ailing until it was too late. Whether you agree with his actions or not, his absence we can at least hope is from his great love turned to great grief, rather than a lack of feeling on his part. He himself died in Venice; their only child died in Italy also. Robert is, however, still separated from Elizabeth in death: he is buried in Poet’s Corner, Westminster Abbey, London.

If you’re hoping for a neat bow on the end of this post, there isn’t. I think of her often not just because I love her poetry but, I suppose, because each year is slowly, inexorably bringing me closer to the age she was when she decided she would live her life again, and though I haven’t found a soul-shaking love like she has, I am trying, trying, trying to live, too.

#opal replies #living kiss #anonymous #poetry #elizabeth barrett browning

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kenobster · 10 months

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Star Wars Reading List

Figured that since Ao3 is down, this might be a good time for y'all to get into reading actual Star Wars books/comics. Thus, here is a list of excellent books that focus on Obi-Wan & Anakin or beloved prequel-era characters.

Note: With whatever credibility I've earned, I ask you to please consider ordering these books from somewhere other than Amazon. Not only is Jeff Bezos a plague upon planet earth, but his site is also wreaking havoc on the publishing industry. Amazon is a huge contributor to current bestsellers sucking and diverse, marginalized voices not getting heard. Local bookstores are best, but even Barnes & Noble is better. I am happy to assist you with an Amazon book boycott if you PM me.

Karen Miller

Reading actual books & comics is gross, you say? Fanfic is more palatable in style to your interests? Not a problem, my friends; do I have the author for you. Karen Miller writes some excellent Obi-Wan & Anakin centric books that feel just like reading fanfiction (if only minus smut XD). The way she writes the protagonists goes deep into the bonds they feel (and/or develop) with each other. If you're used to reading fanfiction, this won't feel much different.

Note to the wise: Don't worry about Karen Traviss—you don't need her.

#1: Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth

Even though Wild Space (below) is the first book in this storyline, I recommend starting with this one. The beginning of the book is Obi-Wan & Anakin & Ahsoka engaged in a multipronged battle. From a starfighter, Anakin engages his squad in an air assault while Obi-Wan fights on the ground with Ahsoka. After that, it has one of my favorite Obi-Wan tropes ever in which Anakin spends about four chapters assigning miscellaneous members of the GAR to escort Obi-Wan to the medbay for neglected injuries. (If you like my fic Every Shadow, then you will love this.) Afterward, the story veers toward a mission that Obi-Wan & Anakin embark on together, in which the two of them bicker lovingly whilst exhausting the ever-loving shit out of themselves to endure dire, hostile straits. The amount of sweat, fatigue, and desperation drenching their characters by the end of this novel will make you feel alive.

#2: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege

The direct sequel to Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth, which is no less fun of a read. Oh? You thought the nonstop sweat-drenched, desperation-fueled survival instinct and fatigue were over? You thought that? Cute. Being the direct sequel to Clone Wars Gambit: Stealth, this book starts as Obi-Wan jolts awake from an unexpected, impromptu nap and yells at Anakin for letting him fall asleep in the first place. (In response, Anakin is shrugging like wtf was I supposed to do, we're tired and tired ppl sleep.) In the midst of their argument, the stolen speeder which Anakin is piloting decides to demand an immediate crash-landing in the middle of nowhere. From there, Obi-Wan & Anakin are stranded on a planet under intense Separatist surveillance and are forced to find sanctuary in a local and suspicious village. But this book is titled "Siege" for a reason. Catastrophes are not over, and despite what you may think, they have not yet scraped the absolute bottom of their limits yet. They will though. They will. My favorite scene involves Anakin (running on sheer fumes and willpower alone) throws a tantrum about Obi-Wan healing civilians so much he's practically keeling over. You will like this book. I guarantee it.

#3 Clone Wars: Wild Space

Now that you understand Karen Miller is a fellow author of all your favorite Obi-Wan & Anakin fanfic tropes, you can read her fanficiest fanfic of all published Star Wars material. The amount of Obi-Wan whump in this novel is batshit, y'all. It starts out with a lot of satisfactory Obi-Wan & Anakin scenes, especially re Obi-Wan enduring physical injuries and Anakin being intensely upset and worried. Then, for the second half of the book, Obi-Wan embarks on an investigative mission with Bail Organa based on the Senator's mysterious intel. This leads the two of them to Zigoola, a Sith planet of utter despair and Obi-Wan's worst nightmares. This is the origin story of Obi-Wan & Bail's friendship, but mostly you'll like it because Obi-Wan is so fucked up by the end of it that he can't even stand. The whump cuts deep on a physical, emotional, and cosmic-Force-magic level. A true treat.

When Ao3 is back up, I recommend the incredibly written fanfic A Thousand Satellites by stark2ash as a follow-up to Wild Space.

Matthew Stover

Alright, you're with me on why reading published Star Wars content is good now? You're ready? Amazing. Let me introduce you to one of the most incredible authors of our time. Matthew Stover writes so expertly that his books feel like literary masterpieces, regardless of their inclusion in the Star Wars franchise. If you read nothing else on this list, please read something by him. You will not regret it.

#1 Revenge of the Sith novelization

If you always liked the prequels but felt they were kinda rushed or shallow or failed to adequately suspend your disbelief for certain plot points, then this is the book you should read. Every single aspect of the movie is portrayed with such care in terms of themes, characters, and attention to detail. There is incredible characterization for Obi-Wan—the hopeful but tragic hero of the clone wars; the brilliantly competent and yet endearingly humble Jedi Master. The emotions Stover puts this man through successfully makes us sob rivers, alongside the masterminded and horrifyingly abusive manipulation that Palpatine directs onto Anakin—the child prodigy who struggles so desperately to stay in the Light and ultimately fails. You know how people always watch a movie and come out saying how the book was better? Somehow, Stover managed to achieve this feat after the movie was already released! Again, if you read nothing else, please read this book. Otherwise, I can't talk to you, lol.

#2: Shatterpoint

Since you followed my advice and read the above book (you did read the above book... right?!), I am now assuming you realize Stover is a literary genius and a true master of his craft. Thus, may I present you with Shatterpoint, an equally inspired character study of Jedi Master Mace Windu. You like Mace Windu, right? Yeah, of course! We all do. But I bet the content featuring him has always been a little boring. I bet that makes you a bit nervous to give this book a try because you're worried it will be boring. Well, ho boy you are wrong, my friend. This book is a fascinating deep dive into not only the political landscape surrounding the clone wars but also the human element of what constant war can do to a society. At all times, the book is intense, chilling, and thrillingly page-turning. If you're a loser and don't like Mace Windu, you absolutely will by the end of this. I cannot convey how utterly this book strayed from my usual interests and still managed to zip me through to the very end.

Miscellaneous

Aha! You have read all of the above and are still looking for some more? Well well well, you fucking nerd, you are definitely someone I'd would like to engage in friendly conversation with. XD Now that I've proven my good taste, please add these additionally nerdy books your list.

#1: Brotherhood by Mike Chen

Hey look! It's a canon book! Yeah! This book is canon! And it's good, too! If you always wish for more political/investigative drama in your Star Wars content, Mike Chen has you covered. Obi-Wan is a brilliant Jedi in terms of getting to the bottom of some forensic shenanigans, pulling all-nighters to write persuasive essay-length speeches to extremely important people, evading enemies who intend to do him dead without harming a single one of them, and most notably displaying a strong inclination (and talent!) for diplomacy even when it means doing none of the above. On the side, he maintains an adorable relationship with his newly knighted Padawan, who embarks on an interesting journey of his own. Anakin bonds with a Jedi initiate who is struggling with a intense Force empathy, both of whom decide to go "rescue" Obi-Wan. I love this book. It is one of my all-time Star Wars faves.

Also in this book, Anakin manages to have the most hilarious scifi equivalent of an "I'm going through a tunnel" phone call while talking to Mace Windu. 😂

#2 Master & Apprentice by Claudia Gray

This book is also canon, horray! If you're dissatisfied with many two-dimensional portrayals of Padawan!Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn, then this book will satisfy the relationship you never knew you craved. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan fumble to overcome their rocky dynamic well into their Master-Padawan relationship—causing Obi-Wan a massive amount of anxiety and Qui-Gon a massive amount of guilt. Their miscommunication, however, goes both ways! Both of them are beloved Jedi who are trying really hard to understand each other—and eventually do! Obi-Wan righteously abides by Jedi guidelines, but in the most obnoxious and bratty way possible. XD Meanwhile, Qui-Gon's interest in myth and precognition is actually more complicated and nuanced than it seems. This book characterizes these two characters, including their relationship with each other, not only in the way George Lucas originally intended but also in a super emotionally compelling way.

#3: Dark Disciple by Christie Golden

Quinlan seems to have become a bit of a fanfic favorite for some, but his character is actually a lot more complicated than you'd ever know! Read this book for the beautifully intricate story regarding the choices he has to make and the paths they take him down. He has a hell of a time and he struggles dearly between right and wrong because of it—but the layers of depth to his character, including his devotion to the Light side, his intelligent kindness, and his endearing façade of humor shine through the darkness he is subjected and temporarily falls to. Obi-Wan himself is a central character to this story; likewise, his fierce perspective on forgiveness, atonement, and redemption are essential cornerstones to understanding this novel and his character. Plus, there is some very cute Anakin to boot. If you made it through the other books, then this one is an absolute must-read.

#4: Rogue Planet by Greg Bear

Ever wonder where all the "Barriss Offee once was great" discourse comes from? Ever intrigued when fellow fans talk about the Blood Carver? Well, my friend, you're in luck! This book are both conversations' source. I'll admit, this book is the driest of all of my recommendations, but it is no less worth the read! The moments where Obi-Wan struggles to be a good mentor to Anakin, teenage mom style, are adorable, particularly in the early scenes where he must stop Padawan!Anakin from competing in a podrace-like competition. If you're literally out of things to read, this book will get you over the spell. And after you're done, you'll finally feel knowledgeable enough to start engaging this Barriss Offee discourse!

Comics

Damn it, you're still not with me on the book-reading thing? Books are too wordy for you or something? Sighs, to each their own, I guess. Here's some incredibly well written comic runs that achieve fantastic storylines but with super pretty pictures, too.

#1: Obi-Wan & Anakin (5-issue run in 2016)

The comic in which, despite Palpatine's disgustingly creepy attempts to the contrary, Obi-Wan is an incredible teacher and Anakin is an incredible student. Obi-Wan's style as a Jedi Master is shown to be lovingly wise and gentle. In fact, it is so uplifting that it repeatedly brought me to tears when I read it. Similarly, Anakin's struggles with the Jedi Order are defined with a satisfying level of depth. He is trying and sometimes he fails—but he learns. The storyline overall is gorgeous, both in art and in narrative value, and the ending itself is something truly beautiful. Furthermore, this artist paints Obi-Wan in a way that makes me reconsider my sexuality. You will stare for decades at his face.

#2: Darth Vader (25-issue run from 2017 to 2018)

What happens after ROTS you wonder? How does Darth Sidious begin to instruct his new apprentice? What measures do the surviving Jedi take to attempt to preserve their culture? Where do the Inquisitors come from? How does one "bleed" a Kyber crystal? All of these questions and more are answered in this 2017 comic run (not to be confused with other Darth Vader comic runs). Besides the really interesting worldbuilding immediately post-Order 66, I don't think I've read a comic run this absurdly well-written ever. Of particular note, the author & artist use a sort of magical realism in Darth Vader's Meditative Hellscape™ to convey intricately detailed emotions/metaphors/themes. You have to see it to believe it. For example, I feel the below two pages are so full of depth and meaning that they should be added to any kind of college art/film/fiction curriculum:

#3: Slaves of the Republic (6-issue run from 2008 to 2009)

This comic definitely isn't of the same caliber as the former two, but it's still ideal reading. If you feel the show left some stuff out or should have gone differently or should have handled certain subject matters with greater respect, then this will bring you closure! This comic's issues fills in so many holes in its plots and thematic values left in the Zygerria/Kadavo episodes. It also characterizes its protagonists Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka in a way that makes huge amounts of sense. Obi-Wan is kind and brave and self-sacrificial in a way he failed to be in the show. Anakin is intelligent, compassionate, and competent, especially regarding matters of slavery. And Ahsoka contains the fun characterization of her iteration in earlier seasons before Dave Filoni stripped it from her. The worldbuilding, too, in these comics is much more rich and interesting than their episodic counterparts.

Now that you're done reading comics, I would like to implore you to please please please go back to the top of this post and try again. I prefer fanfic to books a vast majority of the time, too, but I've tailored this list specifically for you. I promise you won't regret the effort.

#Star Wars #Obi-Wan Kenobi #Anakin Skywalker #Mace Windu #Quinlan Vos #Obi-Wan & Anakin #Obi-Wan #Anakin #kenobster bookmarks #books #long post

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