#but i am 100% open to hearing you out on what you think the issue is here.

[kyliegae]

Wouldn't mind requests she says.. hm then how about a soft smut for arlecchino ? I do love the way you wrote her and I'm a sucker for her being so in love with her s/o lol. Perhaps she saw you play with the children or help them with something and was overcome with the affection

Other than that I did mean to ask, are you excited for Wuthering Waves ? Some of these characters are kinda... 😳😳😳 Yinlin especially frfr

Oh and do you accept emoji anons ? Might be a bit easier lol, if you do could I have 🔥 ?

Have a lovely day :)

OMGGG HIII MY FIRST EMOJI ANON? HIIII 🔥 ANONN!!!:OO anyway, regarding WuWa, i have seen stuff about it but not really much updated about it since i've been busy but i do know that it's coming out tomorrow? iirc. but yea fear not for i WILL be playing it, BUT YEAAA yinlin omg and baizhi?? ughajshd who knows i might write about them too.. anyw enjoy anon!!!

-warning/s : NSFW, cunnilingus (r! receiving), tooth rotting fluff, super soft arlecchino, not proofread.

(men and minor dni utc!)

imo.. arlecchino is a person who genuinely loves and cares but prefers not to show emotion especially due to her profession and background (childhood too). she does not like being vulnerable at all and has trust issues with everyone, even the kids as they r still capable of betrayal, but she trusts you 100% with her vulnerability and what she sees as her "weaknesses" which is why she is more showy of her love and care towards you, hence why she is a lovesick fool for her s/o in my eyes hwjasdh sorry for yapping anyw here's ur fic that was supposed to be just a thirst.. haha.. this was also rushed and not proof-read so sorry for d mistakes.. HAHAHA (will elaborate about this behavior of hers in future fics..)

"f-father, may i have a moment?"

small hands tug on the harbinger's coat, and her deadpan eyes meet with those that belonged to a nervous toddler-- one of her children, to be specific. "what is it, my child?" she asked, tone devoid of any feeling, making it hard to guess what she was thinking, much to the child's anxiety of getting scolded by her.

"a-a.. a bouquet for you, father!"

frail little hands open up in front of her, a messy bundle of assorted wild flowers tied together with a sloppy ribbon had been presented to the knave. with a hum, the harbinger accepts the bouquet from the toddler's hands, gives her a pat on the head and the little darling scurries off.

her eyes follow the direction of where the child was headed to, the harbinger's curiosity was piqued and she wanted to know what had motivated the child to bring her flowers out of nowhere without any special occasion.

-- but as soon as she sees as to who the child runs to, she immediately has a clear answer to her question. of course, it was you, it was you who encouraged the child to give her flowers. with silent steps, she approached the slightly ajar of the bedroom's door, leaning on the wall next to it to hear your conversations with the child.

"ah, little love, have you given your father the bouquet you made?"

"y-yes mother! she even gave me a headpat.."

"hmm, now you see, my love? father is not scary at all, father can be strict with you, but it is only out of concern.. sharing is caring, little love, i am sure she'll appreciate a few flowers from time to time. now settle down, it is time for bed."

arlecchino stared at the "bouquet" in her hands, suddenly, it had more meaning to her than just a bunch of wild flowers. it was evidence of the child learning to give, and of course you were the one who taught them that. it was evidence of the child learning that they could be safe around her despite her outward appearance, and of course you were the one who assured them that. she was scary to most children, yes, for she had nurtured and raised them under the guise of a strict and unfeeling father just so she could raise them with proper discipline. although recently, even the younger kids, they have started to treat her more.. genuinely. ah, it must have been your doing. you must have been convincing them behind the scenes. she should hate you, for coaxing the kids in indulging with personal emotions that could cause them to have flaws as they grow up, but she doesn't. instead, she is thankful, because you've treated the kids with such gentleness and unconditional love-- she is thankful that you've treated her the same.

"oh! my beloved, have.. you been standing there all this time?"

a surprised gasp brings her back to her senses, the sound of the door closing behind her lover's back echoed through the hallway of the orphanage. "no, darling. i was simply checking up on you and the children, are they asleep?" arlecchino asks, choosing not to reveal to her wife that she had found out about your recent teachings. "yes, all tucked and away to dreamland." you smiled at her, walking up to her and pulling her in for a hug. the knave was not one for affection, that was made clear, but after a busy day- she cannot help but miss you too. "let's go to bed, my love. i wish to cradle you by my side tonight." you whisper to her ear, and arlecchino silently nods, her hand on your lower back.

as soon as you return to your bedroom with arlecchino, dressed in bed time clothes, the harbiner seemed to have other plans however as she immediately starts to pepper you with slow, soft and sensual kisses.

"my love, ah- you're.. strangely affectionate today, not that i don't like it, is there something on your mind?" you ask with that same gentle tone of yours, the same tone that reduces her to a lovesick fool whenever it's just you two, that lets her put down the wall she's built to let you in and show you what's inside her mind.

"nothing, my beloved.." she whispers, looking at you with adoration. it makes your heart skip a beat to see her like this. she leans in to kiss your forehead, a silent thank you for taking care of the kids.

".. i just simply wish to express my feelings. isn't that what you teach within this household?"

she adds, which confuses you a little. you were unsure about what she exactly meant, but you let her regardless. "okay, my beloved. express your feelings then." you mumbled with a silly smile, finding arlecchino's actions a bit adorable- quite similar to the children, even. arlecchino nods, a look of determination paints her face for a moment, then she leans in to kiss your cheek.

a silent thank you for loving her and seeing through her harsh demeanor. you can't help but feel flustered, feeling like a teenage girl and her first love.

she then moves on to kiss your neck in a ticklish manner, making you giggle, and it was music to her ears.

a silent thank you for introducing genuine warmth to the house of hearth. thanks to you, the orphanage burned with compassion and not with competitiveness. "beloved, aha- s-stop it!" you squirm with a chuckle, and arlecchino's face may not show it, but her heart is leaping at the sight of your gorgeous smile.

a kiss to your chest, making you gasp as her lips landed on your nipples. her tongue swirling gently around it, making you feel a subtle warmth from the intimacy of the moment.

a silent thank you for being a source of healing to her. before you, the word "mother" had brought chills up her spine, and she resented the word fiercely but after you? you had shown her what a real mother was like, and it's one of the many qualities you hold that she absolutely adores about you.

"mhm.. my beloved, is it gratitude that you wish to express?"

you asked, followed by a quiet moan as she releases your chest from her mouth with a pop. she was in awe of you, that you were able to read her mind without having to tell you. ".. yes, my beloved. how did you know?" she curiously asked, and you couldn't help but let out another chuckle. oh, this side of arlecchino was endearing, to see her openly express her thoughts. "you like to show your gratitude towards me in the form of kisses, arlecchino." you answered, bringing your hand to her head to pull her closer, then leaning in to kiss her forehead as well. "- but this is certainly the most intimate way you've shown it." you added, and she definitely felt a bit flustered. either way, arlecchino does not say a word, and chooses to continue expressing her emotions through actions.

her kisses go lower, and lower, and the sensitivity that you feel from increases.

silence rings throughout the room, except for your moans off the walls. her gratitude and devotion to you was as clear as day. her hands gently held you down by the hips as she pulled down your panties with her teeth. it was fucking hot, to see her hold you completely still with her strength alone-- and the eye contact that she kept as she stripped your pussy bare.

"my beloved, do i have permission?"

"of course, my love."

arlecchino knows that asking consent, despite it being already established beforehand, was a major turn on for you. she started by light kitten licks to your clit, making you gasp with each time her tongue made contact with the sensitive bud. the quick and light flicks were a tease, and made you tremble in anticipation.

"the mother of my children, what a pretty pussy you have.."

she mumbles in pure adoration, her breath lightly grazing against your exposed slit. you couldn't help but let out a shaky gasp of her name, "a-arlecchino.. please, do something.." you begged. "patience, my beloved." she answers, but dives right in between your legs to give your slit one, long, lick. it drove you crazy, but it felt so good. she slid her hands under your knees, bringing you closer to her, before holding onto your thighs to keep you spread apart.

"mm, you taste so splendid on my tongue, beloved.."

she moans, before finally indulging both you and her with the pleasure of her tongue roaming, exploring and pleasing your pussy. you started to squirm with the increasing intensity of her licks, and soon she was eating you out like a starved madman. thank god for strong hands, as you could barely keep yourself still, if it weren't for her holding you down you would have kept lifting yourself off the bed.

"a-arlecchino- arle-!"

you cried out her name, as her tounge darted inside you. you were close. so close. arlecchino however, was currently drunk on your moans and the taste of your slick, too busy savoring the raw taste of you, her lover. she hadn't noticed the way your cries were getting louder, or how tighter your grip on her head was becoming-- so she was surprised when you suddenly closed your thighs around her head, a bit of your fluids landing on her lips and tongue, accompanied with a loud cry of her name. she spread your legs apart once more and kept it open through the whole duration of your orgasm, wanting to see how your pussy throbbed and dripped, wanting to admire how pretty you were when you came undone because of her actions.

after you've settled down, she immediately joins you for a cuddle, she was not finished for the night- no, but she'd grant you a short moment of respite. she lays her head on your chest, closing her eyes as she listens to your heartbeat. "my love, i am still surprised how you've managed to notice my way of showing gratitude when i haven't realized it myself.", she mentions. you smiled at that, and looked at her. "to be known is to be loved. i love you, peruere."

she opens her mouth to speak, wanting to further inquire what you meant by that, but closes her mouth as she realizes what you meant once you call her peruere, the name that she hid away as it represents her past, her most fragile self, that only you've come to know instead of arlecchino, the name that spreads far and wide, which strikes fear and conquers respect from the hearts of many.

she nods in agreement, wrapping her arm around you tighter. her heart swelling from the feeling of loving and being loved, of knowing and being known. to be recognized. to be appreciated.

"i agree, my beloved. i am thankful that you've come to know me as who i really am, and stayed to love me despite what i've come to be. i love you too."

[wayfayrr]

The Menace Anon is back but with a Self Aware ask because I got an idea as I tried to mod my Switch. How about that Zelda is aware in the Game? There is already Zelda's Ballade a Mod for BotW so Zelda replaced Link/ Wild. So what about Zelda being the one who is aware and works together with her Link as in Age of Calamity it's possible to play as Zelda. And now there are two Zeldas and maybe one Link/Calamity as he is probably aware of Reader with all the DLCs and if Reader is anything like me they get 100%. I did that to BotW and am working on it in TotK. Zelda would be extremely clingy especially Flora, BotW Zelda, as she lost everyone who is important to her. Maybe she gets Wild to help her. Fauna and Calamity have Terrako and this little thing shoots through the screen with his laser. TAKE COVER READER!

this is gonna be a funny thing to answer as someone who isn't the fondest of zelda in botw/totk (she had the potential to be really good I just don't vibe with how she was written lmao - so many missed opportunities)

but that also has the potential of introducing the fact of what if you didn't like the characters story when they were aware - because that would be awful for her wouldn't it?

she loves you more than anything but because of the way her story was written you don't like her? Even going as far as to apologise to link about what he got put through in the story? so she's stuck hearing you give him your pity as she's trying her HARDEST to get you to see her in another light, while link is either looking on smugly at your blatant favouritism or staring on blankly as he is simply a puppet of the game who isn't even alive either one being a good spark to why she'd be more willing to work with the aoc pair.

I think they'd have more potential to work together in aoc as compared to either botw/totk (also time to give cal some time in the spotlight like you mentioned) seeing as he has the most "history" with zelda, whereas wild/tears have no incentive to (they're the only playable character so what does she have on them?)

Zelda from her actions alone at the opening also seems to be more reckless in her safety than link, so her hopping into another game earlier than when she'd have a good grasp on how to do it without many issues seems in character for her. hence, now there's two different zeldas in your aoc file? That shouldn't be something that happens right? you've watched the cutscene many times and she never appeared with the other botw characters - so why is she here now? But the other members seem to acknowledge her so maybe you're just misremembering? They'll make sure to keep a note of anyone who might try to convince you otherwise as well.

when the three of them finally do get out - and probably after apologising for scorching a wall or something, then they have the perfect place to start winning you over properly <3 trying to prove to you that they're more than simply the character that Nintendo wrote them as, that you should give them a chance to show you how much they care for you!!!

just, just don't choose link over them, else you may not see much of him anymore - as while they can work together, they aren't exactly willing to work with a threat, but as long as you treat them equally there's no issue right?

[csuitebitches]

On Being Socially Accepted / Well Liked

Human beings are sociable animals. No matter the degree of sociability, there’s a part of us that wants to be loved, nurtured and accepted by those around us.

I didn’t want to make a guide of how one should be likeable, because if you think a little - from all the people you like, do you like them for the same reason? Not necessarily. You may like one friend for their humour; another for being a solid person thick and thin; a third for their extroverted personality… we’re all different and should be!

Now, you may have certain qualities that you want in all your relationships, regardless of the person. For instance, I’m very adamant about transparency and loyalty. Loyalty to me doesn’t mean standing up for me even if I’m wrong - it means caring for me enough to tell me I’m wrong. However, these qualities wouldn’t make you likeable per se - they would make you accepted within a social circle.

So how does one become likeable?

1. Ease up on the doormat culture

You’ll notice that most of the people you like are capable of having an independent opinion and thought. People pleasers may come across as inauthentic and dicey, especially the ones who change their opinion to agree with the majority. So start cutting out the people pleasing behaviour.

2. Have hobbies

You’ll generally gravitate more towards someone who seems to have their life together as opposed to someone who doesn’t. I’m always keen to talk to someone who does something a little different in their free time. I remember talking to a physicist who also wrote poetry - I was very intrigued by his work, and I invited him to my NYE party along with his girlfriend.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with not having your life together as long as you’re at least trying to make it better. Hobbies don’t have to be expensive. It’s also a better way to expand your circle- not all your friends will enjoy pottery or tennis, for instance.

3. On emotional/ trauma dumping

The worst people to guide you in life, my father always told me, are your friends. Blind leading the blind.

Your friends may have a good heart but not necessarily good advice. Keep the trauma dumping to a minimal unless your friend is okay with you sharing more. Bear in mind that even as a listener, when you hear someone’s traumatic experiences, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed.

Never share your private experiences, current situations, drama, problems, gossip with acquaintances or friends who you’re not particularly close to. Trust me, it can be tempting to engage in catty behaviour but there’s a good chance it’ll bite you in the ass.

4. Figure out your strengths

I know what I bring to the table when it comes to friendship - gentle honesty, alternative solutions and perspectives to issues and I’m always a planner.

One of my friends is a blunt critic and I always speak to her when I know I need a reality check about life.

Another friend is very non judgemental, she’s the one I open up to about the weird things I think of.

A third friend is my party friend, who is 100% the life of the party and I love his energy.

We can’t share the same relationship with everyone. Understand your strengths and hone them.

5. Likeable people don’t care about being likeable

Become detached from this idea of “I want to be liked.” Rather than that, I feel the statement “I want relationships who accept me for who I am” make more sense. As you grow older, you’ll realise that this teenager definition of popularity is nothing but inauthentic bullshit. You deserve friends who care for you and cheer you on.

The idea of “I want to be liked/ popular” also low-key reeks of desperate behaviour. It shows that you don’t really care about your thoughts or opinions as long as you’re accepted and you’re ready to modify your opinions to fit in. That’s the worst way to making friends because you literally can’t be yourself.

6. Yes, looks do matter

Looks do matter to a degree. I don’t mean that in a sense of physical features - I mean it from a sense of grooming.

I’ve noticed that people will be taken more seriously if you look a certain way. That doesn’t mean you have to buy stuff until your money runs out - it just means being at a healthy weight, dressing well, practicing personal hygiene.

7. Observational skills

Whenever I’m at an event and I notice someone feeling left out, I go and talk to them.

I remember being in the shoes long ago and feeling uncomfortable going to places. So when I see someone in the same position, I try to be the person I wanted at that point of time.

It’s important to have keen observation skills but what’s even more important is dealing with it subtly. I remember a girl at a party wearing a dress with the price tag still attached to the neckline at the back. I casually went over, put a hand on her back, discreetly whispered that her tag was out, should I put it back in? She said yes, and I put the the tag inside her dress without people around us noticing me. Discretion is a must in life. Don’t shout your good deeds- do them, don’t get flattered by compliments when people tell you that you were nice, and just play it off like it’s not a big deal.

8. Being impolite

I read a study that polite people are harder to connect with. Overly polite people can be seen as boring and that you need more energy to talk to them because the conversation only revolves around a few “polite” topics (studies, career, life in general, how nice the establishment is, the weather, common friends… surface conversation). I’m not saying don’t be considerate - I’m saying don’t be overly polite. Don’t be over accommodating to other people. You can disagree with things respectfully. You can share a different perspective or crack a joke.

9. What are you like?

Are you better one on one or in groups?

I’m a much better person one on one. I resonate with people better when we have a conversation - when it’s a group, it’s just the usual hi-hellos.

You may prefer groups, if one on one conversations seem too vulnerable.

How do you figure this trait out? Ask yourself a simple question : if you had a meet a new person, would you rather meet them alone at a cafe or at a party with your friends?

Figuring this out is important because it gives you a sense of the relationships you value and how you can take them forward.

10. A balanced ratio of talking and listening

Try to listen more than you can talk. This advice is useless if you’re talking to an introvert. With most introverts I’ve noticed that they WILL talk to you - as long as they don’t have to make the first move. Once you set the ball rolling, they’re happy to talk.

So you have to understand how and when to switch being an active listener and speaker.

A simple generalised guide:

When dealing with extroverts: ask basic/ generic/ yes or no questions, give opposing opinions (most extroverts are generally up for a challenge) and listen more in the beginning, switch to talking more later.

When dealing with introverts: again, ask questions but you can make them more subjective than objective, less generic and definitely no yes/no questions. Talk more in the beginning and then listen more later, to make them comfortable.

[jackfrostsisterssisterinlaw]

MHA random guys x Y/N

I am so sorry to the person who requested this over a year ago, I suddenly disappeared and forgot requests were a thing when I got back. This one’s a little rushed because I’m having exams these days but I’ve made you wait over a year so I had to get it done.

The random guys include Deku, Bakugou, Monoma, Shinso and Amajiki.

word count : 987

Warning : IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT AMAJIKI 🤬 I’ve got my eye on you.

as usual can’t take any credit for the pictures.

Deku 

Let’s be honest you probably don’t deserve him. No matter how much you do for him he’s going to somehow be doing more for you. It’s not that he treats love as a competition, it’s just that it’s in his nature to put his two hundred percent to everything and that includes his relationship. And if he chose you as the one that’s really something. He loves just staring at you and absorbing every single detail. He notices the smallest change in your appearance and can always tell when you’re feeling down. He hates it when you don’t communicate and share your pain and eventually manages to get it out of you by playing the victim. Try to give back at least 50% of what he’s doing for you because that would be a normal person’s 100%. He’s very possessive although he doesn’t tell you directly. He’s going to be super grumpy if you hang out with other people more than you spend time with him. Also here’s a secret. He loves it when you ruffle his hair and give him forehead kisses so keep doing what you’re doing :)

Bakugou

I don’t know how you did it. HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH THE GUY? He appreciates you for it more than you know. He knows about his anger issues and how his inconsistency can make him a difficult person to love, but when he saw you loving him unconditionally and always being there, he realized what a difference that made in his life. It hurts his pride to tell you his problems and he finds it far easier to just burn the furniture but he really tries. He hasn’t been burning much furniture lately right? He’s opening up to you more and more every day and wants to become the same cushion for you. He wants you to be able to trust him as much as he trusts you. If another person looks at you for a second too long or makes you laugh, he is going to be jealous as hell. Trust me the moment he drops you home after a date or is out of your sight, he is going to track them down and give them the scariest warning in their life. It’ll be so scary they’ll refuse to see anyone in a romantic way anymore incase there are more bastards like Bakugou. He loves it when you try to be rough with him and that one time you pinned him against the wall..yeah I think he wants you to do it again.

Monoma

If you’re with Monoma that speaks a lot about you too. Because from a surface level I don’t think anyone can stand Monoma. He looks like he’s arrogant and obnoxious and gloats thinking he’s above everyone. His slicked hair and the way he sneers like he knows he’s good looking. There’s a lot of things to dislike. But you chose to stay and dug deeper. You were able to see the insecurities he tries to mask with his persona and the internal bruises he covers beneath his tuxedo. He adores you for knowing him so well and relies on you a lot. It’s sometimes hard for him because he hates depending on someone but you always comfort him and tell him that you’ve found your calling. He kisses you then, multiple times all around your face finally ending at your lips. Verbal affirmations aren’t really his thing because somehow stuff he says still comes out as self absorbed and arrogant. But with you by his side he’s improving every day. He gets really irritated when people hang around you but he tries to convince himself that you’ll be loyal and he doesn’t have to worry. He’s not stupid he hears what everyone says about how you could do better. But you chose him in the end and that’s what’s important.

Shinso

You like the silent mysterious type don’t you? Absolutely nothing wrong with that because he is a total green flag. To be honest I don’t think he knows exactly how to be romantic and sometimes his gestures of love can be a little weird. Like sometimes when he sees you in a crowd even if you smile and wave he’s just gonna stand there looking at you with no expression. He forgets he has a mouth and eyes that can be used to express one’s emotions. He also has no understanding of social cues so please bear with him. Also I’m sorry that your pickup lines hit a blank wall. Except that one time you made a star-wars pickup line and said yoda only one for me. You fell even harder for him when you realized he was a geek too and he fell harder because he finally understood all the nonsense you were yapping about and meant them romantically. Bear with him, I know he sucks at showing it but he really likes you. Have you seen the way he grits his teeth and glares if someone so much as looks at you. You like him being possessive don’t you? He loves it when you have deep conversations with him and he’ll listen to you talking endlessly.

Amajiki

LOOK AT MY POOKIE MWAH

I’m sorry but Amajiki is mine. Go find your own cinnamon roll. I’m gate keeping all his character traits and love languages. I’ll just word drop so that you get jealous.

He’s super depressed and moody if I leave him and talk to someone else.

The moment he sees me in a crowded room, he walks up to me and attaches himself to me and eventually convinces me to leave so that we can hang out together.

He’s biggest fear is actually losing me, he doesn’t mean that as a joke.

He loves it when I cuddle him and tell him how much I love him.

Which I do on a regular basis so back off. :3

[rottenpumpkin13]

Shinra Floor New Year’s party from hell pretty plz? 🥺

The New Year's Resolution Challenge

• Sephiroth and Genesis arrive at the ballroom. Both of them are dressed in the exact same blue suit.

Sephiroth: Happy new year, director.

• Lazard doesn't reply. He takes one look at them, spits out his drink and starts laughing.

Genesis: Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want. We didn't coordinate this, you know!

Lazard: You look like two penguins—

Sephiroth: We coincidentally had the same suit and chose to wear it tonight.

Genesis: And we could not decide who got to wear it, so we gave up trying to settle the issue.

• Rufus Shinra walks by also wearing the same suit. Lazard absolutely loses his shit.

• Reno and Rude swing by, both with cameras and starts taking pictures of the trio. The camera flash is so strong, Sephiroth is blinded and topples onto Genesis. The two start squabbling on the floor. Reno takes more pictures.

• Lazard watches all of this go down. He looks at his drink sadly.

Lazard: I'm going to need something stronger.

• Later, Zack and Angeal are arguing as they walk up to the table.

Zack: You're so pessimistic!

Angeal: No, I'm not. I just think making "eat healthier" your new year's resolution when your favorite food is a deep-fried donut bacon sandwich is useless.

Genesis: What are you two on about?

Zack: Angeal doesn't think I can keep my new year's resolution! I want to eat healthier food. *he takes a bite out of his fifteenth slider*

Genesis: And I want a robot who slaps Sephiroth on command. Doesn't look like either of us are getting our wish.

Sephiroth: Zack, if you want to keep your new year's resolution, why don't you start tonight? That way, you can assess how well you'll be able to keep it.

Zack: You know what? You're right! *he throws his slider over his shoulder⏤it hits Heidegger on the back of his head* I'm starting now! From now on, no more junk food! I'm a changed ma⏤wait, look! They just brought out the cake!

Sephiroth: Zackary.

Zack: Fine, fine. You're right! I don't need cake!

Angeal: Actually, that's a great idea. Why don't we all start our new year's resolutions tonight?

Genesis: Oh-ho! Do I hear a challenge? The loser who can't keep his resolution until midnight owes everyone else G$1000.

Angeal: The only reason you're so keen on putting money in this is because you don't have a new year's resolution.

Genesis: How can I be any better than I am now?

*Everyone starts talking over each other giving suggestions*

Genesis: Okay OKAY I get it! Goddess!

Sephiroth: My new year's resolution is to be more approachable and friendlier.

Angeal: Mine is to not get stressed out too easily.

Genesis: And I'll take a vow of silence! One whole night without quoting Loveless nor speaking at all⏤

Sephiroth: FINALLY.

*Everyone looks at him*

Sephiroth: I mean *clears his throat* That sounds like a wonderful idea.

• Later, Zack and Angeal are hanging around the buffet table. Angeal is admiring the fruit display (mostly the pyramid of Banora Whites) while Zack looks longingly at the mini hotdogs.

Angeal: Why don't you have some fruit? Zack: Good idea!

• Zack reaches for one of the dumbapples at the bottom of the pyramid. Immediately the display crumbles and crashes to the ground. Over 100 apples roll around all over the place. Angeal goes red in the face and opens his mouth to scold Zack.

Zack: Ah-ah! You can't get mad at me!

*Angeal's eye twitches*

• Meanwhile, Genesis and Sephiroth are walking around the party. Genesis is silently reading his book, trying his best not to talk. They approach Kunsel and a few other SOLDIERs. Sephiroth grins big and wide.

• The SOLDIERs scream and run away.

Sephiroth: What's wrong with my smile? *Genesis opens his mouth to respond, but then the realization dawns on him. He clamps it shut again*

Sephiroth: Hm. I bet you're dying to make fun of me.

Genesis:

Sephiroth: If only someone would point out every single critical flaw of mine.

*A thick blue vein appears on Genesis's forehead*

• Meanwhile, Lazard is showing Angeal some deep breathing exercises.

Lazard: Relax, inhale. Imagine you're walking on a beach...

• A football flies in out of nowhere and hits Angeal in the face, knocking him down. Kunsel rushes up to him.

Kunsel: Apologies! Me and the guys were messing around!

Angeal: *eye twitching* It is fine.

Kunsel: You're blue.

Angeal: IT IS FINE.

• Meanwhile, Zack is watching Reno load up his plate with steak, fries and fried chicken. He's salivating.

Reno: Dude, one slice of pizza won't kill you. It's all about moderation.

Zack: No way! I'm a changed man. I don't need all that heart-attack food to be happy.

*Reno takes a bite out of a chicken wing*

*Zack immediately starts sobbing*

• Meanwhile, Sephiroth and Genesis are back at their table. Sephiroth has Genesis's copy of Loveless in hand and is reciting it wrong on purpose. Genesis is slamming his head on the table.

Sephiroth: Hath the shattered dreams of the morrow.

*BANG*

Sephiroth: Wings are lost, dreams stripped away.

*BANG*

Sephiroth: Mystery in infinite is the goddess of the gift.

*BANG*

Sephiroth: Two friends go into battle. Three of them die.

*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

• Meanwhile, Angeal is under a table meditating. There's ten minutes to go until midnight. He just has to last ten more minutes.

• Suddenly, there's a commotion outside. Angeal slips his head out to see that Zack has attacked president Shinra. Apparently, the president had a 20lb lobster delivered to his table and Zack went feral. Four turks are trying and failing to pull Zack away from the lobster meat on the president's plate.

• Zack has failed his new year's resolution.

• Angeal rushes out. "I TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T DO IT! LET GO⏤LET GO OF THE MAN'S LOBSTER, ZACK! ARE YOU GROWLING AT ME!? THAT'S IT *He slips his shoe off to use it as a weapon*

• Angeal has failed his new year's resolution.

• Meanwhile, Sephiroth and Genesis approach Tseng and Rufus. Sephiroth is smiling.

Sephiroth: Good evening, gentlemen. I hope you're having a wonderful new year's eve. How are you both?

Tseng: I'm well, Sephiroth, thank you. You're being awfully sociable,

Sephiroth: It's my new year's resolution.

Tseng: You're doing a good job!

• Rufus notices Genesis's silence.

Rufus: What about you, Rhapsodos? What's your goal for the new year?

Genesis:

Rufus: Do you understand my question?

Genesis:

Rufus: Oh, have I upset you? Are you mad at me?

Sephiroth: Genesis is just shy because he has feelings for you.

*Genesis snaps his head towards him, then looks at Rufus, shaking his head violently*

Rufus: ....Is that so?

Sephiroth: Oh, yes. He's just gone on and on about how attractive and charming he finds you.

Rufus: I had no idea you felt like this, Commander.

*Genesis is glaring at Sephiroth. If looks could kill, Sephiroth would be slaughtered*

Rufus: You don't need to be shy around me, Genesis. We can talk about this like men.

Sephiroth: That would be hard to do. Genesis claims to feel emasculated around me. It appears that my⏤quote⏤strong, unyielding masculine energy provokes his inferiority complex.

*Genesis is turning purple*

Tseng: There's nothing to be ashamed of, Genesis. We all have our flaws, you especially.

• Genesis inhales.

Genesis: THAT'S IT! I DON'T NEED THIS! I DON'T NEED THIS AT ALL. I'LL PAY YOU EACH 1000 GIL! HECK, I'LL PAY YOU 10,000 GIL EACH IF IT MEANS I'LL NEVER HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN!

*he turns to Tseng*

Genesis: HOW DARE YOU CLAIM I HAVE FLAWS. MY FLAWS ARE MY BUSINESS, YOU INSUFFERABLE LAP-DOG!

*he turns to Rufus*

Genesis: AND PLEASE! I AM SO OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE! HOW DARE YOU BELIEVE ALL THAT RUBBISH! THE ONLY FEELINGS I HARBOR FOR YOU, RUFUS, ARE CONTEMPT AND PITY!

*he turns to Sephiroth*

Genesis: WHENEVER YOU SMILE, YOU LOOK LIKE THE SHARK FROM FINDING NEMO!

Sephiroth:

Genesis: AND ME, FEEL EMASCULATED AROUND YOU? YOU, WITH YOUR GIRLY HAIR AND QUADRUPLE-D CHEST?? YOU MUST BE OUT OF YOUR MIND.

Genesis: NOW, IF YOU GENTLEMEN WILL EXCUSE ME, I'M GOING TO GRAB A MICROPHONE, GET UP ON THAT STAGE, AND TALK FOR AN HOUR!

• Genesis stomps off angrily.

Tseng: He needs an exorcism.

Rufus: By the way, Sephiroth, why did you instruct the turks to deliver a 20lb lobster to the president's table?

Tseng: And why did you have me suggest to Angeal that he meditate under the table right across from the president's?

Sephiroth: Because I am a mastermind.

[outsideratheart]

Cliche (Leila Ouahabi x Leon!reader)

A/N: Based off this request. I hope you guys like it and that I didn't drag it on too long.

The Leon sister's have a reputation in the women's football world but you never lied and always made your motives crystal clear. You had the rest of your lives to settle down and you planned on doing just that when you retired or got older but in the meantime you needed to find a way to relief the stress and pressure that comes with being one of the best footballer in the world and you favourite way to do so is by burying yourself in someone else.

You are fully aware that it was a cliche to sleep with your sister's best friend but when it came to Leila Ouahabi it's as if all logic goes out the window. It was never a part of your plan to mix business with pleasure especially when that business is also your sister's business but one night you and the girls were out celebrating, Mapi found herself distracted and you spent the night with Leila.

At first it only happened on nights out with the team but now you found yourself laid in bed on a random Tuesday morning, the brunette sleeping peacefully in your arms. The no sleeping over rule lasted a month not that you would complain. It was your idea but these moments with Leila had become one of your favourites.

"I broke the rule again" Leila's voice is raspy.

She squints slightly as the sun shines in her eyes but her face relaxes when you move your hand, which up until this point was playing with the loose strands of hair, and shield her from the sun.

"You seem to be doing it a lot recently. In fact I can't remember the last time you followed that rule"

Out of habit Leila begins playing with your necklace but her hand soon begins to travel lower, she gives you a knowing look as she plays with the waistband of your underwear. Whilst she herself hated to be teased, she had no issue being the teaser. No you wasn't opposed to morning sex but you had training in a couple of hours and you couldn't turn up less than 100% so you do the thing you body didn't want you to do, you grab Leila's hand and move it back to lay on your chest.

"We don't have time for that Leila"

You might have well be talking german because instead of backing down Leila hovers over you before straddling your hips.

"Are you sure about that?" The smirk on her face making it obvious that she knows the answer regardless of what might come out of your mouth next.

When her lips crash into yours you make no attempt at stopping or pushing her away. Instead you do the opposite, you deepen the kiss and in one swift movement you change the dynamics so it is now you who is on top of her.

The moment is short lived when you hear your apartment door open and your sister shout out.

"Y/N I know I'm early but I brought coffee"

This couldn't be happening. You knew she would find out eventually and you had a plan for that, one that included you in far more clothes. You were beginning to panic, a feeling that wasn't quite reciprocated when you looked down at Leila who is on the verge of laughing.

"Don't" you place your hand over her mouth.

"Y/N" Mapi sings. You can tell by the loudness of her voice that she is heading for your bedroom.

You have to think fast. You quickly strip yourself of the little clothing you have on and grab a towel which is in the laundry basket.

"Hide. Now" it wasn't question or suggestion, it was an order.

Leila tries to argue but the look you give her let's her know that nothing will make you change your mind.

She hides down the side of the bed furtherest away from the door and just in time as Mapi knocks before coming in anyways.

"I was in the shower. It's interesting to see what you class as an emergency" you tell your sister who clearly has no idea what you're talking about "the key? I gave it to you for emergencies only. Abuse the power again and I will take it off you, you know how I am about my space"

"Fine. Hurry up and get ready, your coffee's getting cold"

Once the door is closed Leila stands up wearing nothing but your bed sheet.

"I won't do that again" she says as she watched you get dressed in your training gear.

"Fine" you whisper shout "you go out there and tell your best friend that you have been fucking her sister behind her back. You wanted to keep this a secret just as much as me so don't stand there and act innocent"

Leila is taken aback at the way you described what had been going on between the two of you.

"I have spare training gear in the wardrobe. Make yourself some breakfast, you know where everything is, I will see you at training"

You kiss her quickly and you are slightly disappointed when you doesn't respond.

"Leila" her head snaps in your direction hoping to hear something a little more reassuring.

"Be careful when you pick something to wear, nothing with my number on it"

You say nothing more and within a matter of minutes Leila hears you and Mapi leave your apartment.

"No feelings Leila, it's what you agreed" She mutters to herself as she lays back on your bed.

There was a tension between the two of you at training but it seems obvious to only you and Leila or so you thought. The training was split into position drills so you wasn't working directing with her but it didn't stop your captain from noticing the lingering looks to the group of defenders. It is when you, Mapi and Alexia go to practice freekicks does she bring it up.

"Is everything ok?" Alexia whispers as you both watch Mapi practice her shot.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" there's no way she knew and you weren't about to give her any clues.

"No reason" Alexia replies and you think it is the end of the conversation only it isn't "Nothing's going on in your love life or should I say sex life?"

Alexia knew, you wasn't sure how she knew but she did.

"Her sex life" Mapi wraps her arm around you shoulder "There's always something happening"

"It must be a Leon twin thing because I recall your body count been just as high as mine" you push her off you as you go to place your ball outside the box.

"Is that anyway to talk to your older sister" Mapi shouts.

"7 minutes Maria, you are 7 minutes older than me"

You rejoin the team during a drinks breaks. Leila looks at you for a second before turning her back, the action itself hurt but you couldn't bring yourself to ask why.

"You like her" Alexia continues her questioning "I can tell. What's her name?"

"Leila!" Patri shouts.

The sound of her name coming straight after Alexia's question causes you to choke on your drink and the connection isn't lost on your captain.

"You're sleeping with Leila! Are you crazy? That's your sister's best friend"

You knew Alexia would be disappointed in you. She had made her feelings towards your night time activities very clear but this was too much even for you.

Before Alexia can say anything else you pull her off the pitch and into the tunnel.

"Nobody knows" you see her eyes dart in your sister's direction "no, Mapi doesn't know and I want it to stay that way"

"How long?"

"Almost a year" you couldn't believe it had been that long and neither could Alexia.

You make a point not to get involved with anyone for long periods of time because it's gets complicated. The longest you had ever slept with someone is when you started seeing a player from the german league but even then you slept with other people in between.

"And have you been sleeping with anyone else during this time?" Alexia asks. She knew that you had trouble connecting with your feelings and if you did feel something more then you more need a little bit of encouragement to figure it out.

"Have you every thought about it being something more than sex?"

This is why you didn't want people knowing. The more people that knew the more pressure you would feel to put a label on whatever is going in between you and Leila.

"No. When we started sleeping together we both agreed that it would be a no strings attached type of thing, no feelings were to be involved"

"Y/N have you —“

"Alexia. It is sex and that's it. There is no relationship between me and Leila outside of the bedroom"

It was a difficult thing for you to say because whilst it was true at first you knew that things had changed over the past couple of months. You didn't want to break your end of the deal so you kept your feelings to yourself so that you could still spend your nights with Leila.

"Sorry to interrupt"

You hadn't heard her voice since you left your apartment this morning.

"Coach told me to come and get you. It's time for the scrimmage and you two are captains"

At first Leila couldn't look you in the eyes but when she did you saw something that make your heart break. Tears brimmed her eyes and you knew it was because of the conversation you had been having with Alexia only you wasn't sure how much she had heard.

"Alexia knows"

"Can we tell Mapi now?"

It wasn't a question you expected. As far as you were aware Leila want this to be a secret just as much as you did.

"No, we can't"

Alexia has excused herself at this point so that the two of you can talk in private.

"Right because this is just sex. We have no relationship outside of the bedroom"

She attempts to walk away but you grab her hand with a pleading look in your eyes. You know you said those words but they sounded so heartless coming out of her mouth.

"I need space. I think it's best if I go to my apartment tonight"

"Ok. I will come by after my media appearance"

"No Y/N" She pulls her hand away "I think I need to spent the night alone night"

Something wasn't right. Was she breaking up with you? No, she couldn't do that because you were never dating. Still as you watch her walk away you cannot help but feel like you are losing something you never had.

Your nights apart lasted less than a week and soon enough you and Leila was back into your old ways but something was different. She would spend the night but wouldn't stay in the mornings and she kept bringing up telling Mapi, something that you wasn't ready for.

Leila had reached her breaking point after almost been caught by Mapi again. You made her hide and once again she felt little a dirty little secret. She had a choice to make; keep the secret and keep you but lose her best friend or she could tell Mapi and inevitably lose you.

The following week Mapi came storming into the locker room one morning with Leila trailing behind her. At first you wasn't sure what had happened but then you saw Leila's face and you knew. Leila went against your wishes and had told Mapi about the two of you.

"I can't believe you!"

"Not here, not now" you reply calmly hoping your sister would mimic your energy.

"Why? What you've done affects this entire team and I won’t allow it"

The way she said what you've done as if you were in this alone. Leila who you hoped would have your back stands cowardly in her locker.

“You can’t stop me and it hasn't affected the team, you had no idea about us. I'm guessing the only reason why you do is because she told you" you don't say her name nor do you look in her direction.

"What's going on?" Alexia asks as she enters the locker room upon hearing the both of you raising your voices.

"Tell her Y/N"

You know what you are about to say is going to hurt but why should you care for your sister's feelings when it is clear she doesn't care for yours.

Alexia glances back and forth between the two of you then she looks at Leila and she knows what had happened.

"She doesn't have to tell me. I already know"

"Know what?" Jenni asks. She can tell by the reaction of the team that she isn't the only one that feels left in the dark about whatever it is that's going on.

“That my dear sister has been sleeping with my best friend” Mapi points from you to Leila, just for clarification.

“And what is wrong with that?” You may not have told your sister or the rest of the team for that matter but you didn’t do anything wrong and you wasn’t ashamed of the time you shared with Leila.

“You can’t just sleep with whoever you want” Mapi scold you “I have seen you when we travel for the champions league. You sleep with our opponents. You can’t—“

“I can’t what? Come home and sleep with the Spanish league. No I can’t because they have already have their taste of one Leon. You used to be just like me”

“She is my friend and our team mate”

You couldn’t help but laugh. Surely Mapi heard the hypocrisy in what she was saying. You looked towards Ana, your eyes filled with apology for what you are about to say.

“Hmm where shall I start” you walk towards your sister.

“Y/N don’t” Alexia tries to drag you back out fails.

“No, no. She started this” you turn your attention from your captain to your sister “friend and team mate, where shall I start. Alba is a good friend of mine and you slept with her. V is one of my best friend and you slept with her. Then we have Ana who is one of my closest friends on this team, you broke her heart, messed up the team dynamics and you are making her watch you be with someone else which brings me to my last person, Ingrid, who I have no problem with in fact I like her and think she’s good you. What I’m saying is you sit there on you fucking high horse speaking down to me like I’ve committed some kind of crime” you angrily wipe the few tears that have fallen down your cheeks.

“And you” you turn to Leila “you told her when you knew how I felt. Did you ever stop to think why I wanted this to say between us? Why things have been so different with you? I changed every single one of my beliefs for you and for what? You proved why I don't do relationships. I don’t know what you gained from this but it certainly isn’t me. You once asked for space, congratulations you have it. Whatever we had is over, I’m done, we’re done”

Leila was in shock. Was this your way of admitting you wanted a relationship with her.

“Was that so hard?” Mapi says smugly.

“Shut up Maria. Me and Leila may be done but we’re done too. You’re suppose to be my sister and I didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. I want nothing to do with either of you”

You didn’t turn up to training the next day and missed recovery the day after that. It seemed like the whole team was worried about you but the calmness that radiated off your coach and captain let them know that you were ok and the two of them knew where you were.

“I have heard you speaking about Y/N and her whereabouts. I have decided to rest her for Saturdays game and after I told her she asked for a few days off which I think she’s deserved given that she has played the most minutes this season. It will be business as usual after international break.” Jona and the coaching staff leave the meeting room unaware of the interrogation they are passing on to the team’s captain.

As soon as the staff are out the room everyone begins asking questions about you.

“Enough!” Alexia slams her hands down on the table. She had enough of the questions and the other players pointing the finger at Leila and Mapi for your absence. She agreed with the rest of the girls but as the captain she had to remain neutral.

“Go home, enjoy international break and I’ll see you back here in 10 days time” they knew better than to argue with their captain so they do as their told “not you two”

Names aren’t required. It is obvious which two Alexia is referring to.

“I wanted to wait a couple of days for things to calm down but when Y/N called me telling me she needed to getaway for a few days I knew the chances of this resolving naturally wouldn’t happen”

Both Mapi and Leila sit down. The situation had escalation quickly and they knew that they had messed up. Leila regretted telling your sister and Mapi let her her emotions get the better of her.

“I’m going to talk now and you two are going to listen”

When Alexia got no arguments from the pair she continued.

“Y/N was right when she spoke about your history Mapi. Amongst the names Y/N gave the other day was my sister’s. I know she is part of our group but Alba is still my little sister, she is someone you slept with and then dropped when you got bored. Y/N is the reason why I didn’t come to your house the night I came home to Alba crying in your sister’s arms. Even when she knew you were in the wrong, Y/N had your back”

The was news to Mapi. She thought Alexia understood her sister was a big girl who could make her own decisions and as she has the thought she realises, once again, just how hypocritical she was.

“But she didn’t tell me about this. We tell each other everything” This is the reason for Mapi’s reaction. It might not have come across this way but she was hurt that you didn’t tell her about this.

“There is reason why she didn’t tell you but it isn’t for me to say. Y/N has to come to that realisation herself” Alexia is vague in her response, leaving the two defenders rather confused.

“She was ashamed” Leila says the only answer that makes sense.

It wasn’t a easy decision to tell Mapi about the two of you sleeping together but she thought that once it was out there then the two of you could have a chance at something more.

“That isn’t true and it’s not fair for you to put this on her. She told me you had been sleeping together for a year and in that time you never told Mapi about it yet it’s Y/N who is getting the blame for this when you played just as big of a part”

“A year?” Mapi asks making to obvious that Leila left that detail out when she told her about to two of you.

“A full year and in that time Y/N didn’t sleep with anyone else, it was only you Leila”

“You’re lying. Y/N doesn’t do that type of commitment” Mapi knew how you thought because she had the same rule for years.

“She told me herself. I know it may not seem like it but she cared for you Leila and she showed you in her own way”

“Back to backs” Leila whispers.

“What did you say?” Mapi asks.

“You know her rules” your sister nods “one of them was no back to back stays but I have done that a few times”

It's like puzzle pieces were connecting in her head. You had let her get closer to you than anyone else but Leila was blinded by being a secret and she didn’t notice it.

“I might have overreacted” Mapi admits “It’s jus she’s my sister and I don’t want her making the same mistakes I did. She was right when she spoke about Ana, I guess I didn’t want her to face the same fate I did”

“I think you both owe her an apology” Alexia tells the pair “and before you ask, I won’t tell you where she is. She might have taken this break to be away from the two of you but Jona was right she needed some time away from Barcelona to rest. You’ll see her at camp on Sunday.”

You spent a few days in Madrid and it was just what you needed. It was peaceful and your friends had no idea about what happened in Barcelona. When V found out you were in the capital she said you were with her, no arguments. You spent the day training at a nearby pitch and the nights with V, Lola and Carmen. You may have ran away from your problems but you needed this time to be Y/N the person not the football player, sister of Mapi Leon and the person who had been sleeping with her team mate.

With every day that passes you know that you are one day closer to having to face your Barcelona team mates and truth is you wasn’t ready. When you arrived at Los Rojas you stay close to the Lola but you knew that you couldn’t avoid your friends for long.

It was only Alexia that knew where you had been so when she arrives at the facility she goes straight to Lola.

“Where’s Y/N?” Alexia asks the goalkeeper.

“Hi Alexia. I’m ok, thanks for asking” Lola moves on from her captain as she greets the rest of the Barcelona girls.

“You look like shit” she says when she sees Leila “almost as bad as Y/N”

“Y/N?” Leila asks but then it makes sense, you had gone to Madrid.

“She told me not to say anything” Lola continues “but between us me, V and Carmen have a bet on what happened. My bet is that one of the women she slept with is giving her grief so she ran away. It was bound to happen at some point, right?”

“Watch it Lola. That’s my sisters you’re talking about” Mapi comes to your defence.

“Oh please Maria, don’t start being nice now. We all know how you see me”

All heads turn in the direction of your voice. Lola had been telling the truth, you didn’t look good at all. The dark circles in your eyes was barely visible but they were there. You hug Alexia, Jenni, Irene and the rest of your team mates but purposely miss out Leila and Mapi.

Leila couldn’t help but stare. You had your shorts rolled up in typical Leon fashion and the training vest you were wearing hugged your body perfectly. When she met your eyes, she recognised the look but when you noticed it you changed your expression. It may have only lasted a second but it gave Leila hope that you forgiving her was still possible.

“Can we talk?” Leila asks you.

“Maybe later? I’m about to work—“

“C’mon Y/N you can’t keep me waiting. You know I’m not very patient” Marta Cardona shouts from across the lobby.

There way something in the way she said it that caused your sister to shake her head in disappointment. It was no secret you and Marta have history that includes sleeping together multiple times.

“Are they sleeping together again?” Alexia asks. She didn’t want to believe that you would fall back into old ways but it didn’t look good.

“I told you” Mapi mumbles "She never cared for Leila, it was just a game"

“I don’t know. V thinks that she is”

“V?” Alexia asks.

“Yeah that’s her bet. Carmen things that Y/N got her heartbroken but that’s ridiculous. We all know Y/N doesn’t let herself get close enough to anyone for that to happen”

Alexia, Leila and Mapi all share a look. They never though of that possibility.

“Like I said, that’s ridiculous and even if it is true Y/N requested to room with Marta so give them a couple of nights and Y/N will soon forget about this woman who may or may not exist”

Leila scoffs and walks away. Had you really moved on from whatever the two of you shared and were you really sleeping with Marta so soon after you were sleeping with her. She had so many questions but right now she didn’t want to see you, a mixture of anger towards your behaviour and fear of what would be said.

It comes as no surprise to the defender to find you and Atletico Madrid forward sat together at the team meal. She watches in envy as the two of you interact with such ease, the interaction makes Leila feel sick.

“We don’t know if they are sleeping together” Alexia whispers in the defender’s ear.

“Look at them Ale. We’ve seen Y/N like this before, you can’t defend her this time” in that moment Leila felt defeated and the hope that she felt a few hours prior has died.

Meanwhile across the room you hear Marta talking but it just noise. You mind isn’t focused on her, it is consumed with thoughts about what will happen in the next few days. Yes, Mapi has hurt you but it failed in comparison to Leila betraying you. You were willing to break your rules for her, heck you were willing to throw out the entire book but that didn’t matter now.

“She is staring” Marta nudges you.

Sure enough when you turn around you see Leila looking your way. She says something to Mapi who shakes her head and refuses to look your way. You didn’t know what to do, part of you missed Leila and despite your best efforts to forget about her, it just wasn’t possible. It was frustrating that even when you were mad at her you still wanted to know if she was ok.

Then you remember Leila wanted to talk to you when she arrived at Los Rojas. Maybe now was the right time to find out where things stand between the two of you. Your hands grew sweaty with each step you took towards her and the nervous feeling in your gut wasn’t like anything you have experienced before.

“Do you still want to talk?” The confidence that normally lines your tone is nowhere to be heard.

“I’m surprised you pulled yourself away from your girlfriend, oh wait she isn’t your girlfriend she is just the person you are fucking” Mapi retorts from her seat, still not looking you in the eye.

“Do you think I’m sleeping with her?”

“Of cour—“

“I couldn’t care less about what you think Maria, I was talking to Leila”

Now all eyes were on the defender, waiting for her to respond.

The fact that Leila had to think about it gave you your answer. It hurt that she thought this low of you.

“You look cosy together” Leila says. It didn’t answer your question but it did tell you which way she was swaying.

“She’s a friend, who yes I have slept with but that was a long time ago. Leila please can we talk?” You ask her again. There was so much you wanted to say but you didn’t want a crowd of people watching.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. We should focus on the games we have coming up”

The drop in your demeanour wasn’t something that you can hide. This why you left Barcelona, Leila couldn’t hurt you in Madrid but that didn’t last long.

“I did nothing wrong” It was almost a plea.

The next morning your absence at breakfast is noticed by everyone. There is no seat saved for you at any table so it was clear none of the players you were close with expected you to show up.

“Marta, where’s Y/N?” Jenni shouts across the food hall.

“That depends. Are you on their side or her side?” Marta points to Mapi and Leila.

“There’s no sides” Alexia corrects her.

“Yes there is, how don't you see it? For some reason you guys have barely talked to Y/N since you got here. As for her whereabouts, I have no idea. She swapped with Misa so ask Lola where she is”

Lola shrinks in her seat. She knew exactly where you were and given that last night you told her everything that happen she was a little reluctant to tell her friends.

“Lola. Where’s my sister?” Mapi asks the goalkeeper.

“In the gym” Lola says "She wants to talk to you"

The table watches how Lola refuses to meet any of their eyes. Avoiding eye contact was one of her tells when she lied.

“Lola” Alexia tone is low “Y/N isn’t in the gym is she?”

“No but after the way Mapi treated her do you really think I would tell her where she is. That’s right Y/N told me everything last night. Carmen will be ecstatic when I tell her that she was right”

“Where is she Lola?” Leila asks.

“She’s in the room. She kept having nightmares and according to V she was having them when she stayed with her. Here” Lola hands Leila your room key “I’m not happy with what happened but you need to talk to her”

The room was dark as Leila entered. She expected to find you in the bed closest to the door, it was something you did because you thought it protected your room mate, but she finds you buried under the covers in what she assumed is Lola's bed. Had you slept there last night?

You hear the door open but hope that if you ignored whoever entered that they would leave you alone. At first you thought it worked but you feel the bed sink behind you and next you feel a pair of arms snake around your waist. At first you tense up at the touch but then you recognise the scent and your body relaxes.

"Leila. This isn't a good idea" you aren't sure what is happening but you don't move.

"You need to sleep Y/N. This doesn't have to mean anything"

It did mean something though, to both you and Leila. You hadn't slept together without having sex before hand. It was intimate and not something you have experienced before but the sleepless night left you with little to no energy, definitely not enough to argue. You hated how much you body betrays you as you lay in bed with the woman who you were mad at. It wasn't that you suffered from insomnia but you slept much better when Leila was there.

"What were the nightmares about?" Leila asks.

"You. At first is was replays of what happened in the locker room but recently it's you leaving me standing in my apartment, nothing gets said but I end up alone" you don't know if it's your lack of sleep or the calmness that comes when Leila holds you but you allow yourself to be truthful and vulnerable.

"You're not alone"

"But I don't have you"

Nothing more is said, truth is Leila doesn't know what to say so instead she holds you close and listens as your breath evens out letting her know that you had fallen asleep. She regretted telling Mapi about the two of you as soon as she did it and she hated how quickly things escalated. The defender sets an alarm so that you will both be ready in time for training before falling asleep herself.

When she wakes almost an hour later she finds that the pair of you had shifted in your sleep and she was now cuddled into your side. She looks up to find you wide awake. Your eyes were red and if Leila didn't know any better she would have said you've been crying.

"Are you ok?" Leila asks.

Your face drops and she realises it was a stupid question but for a brief moment she forgot about the events of the last couple of days.

"No Leila, i'm not ok"

She wasn't sure if you telling the truth hurt more than it would if you had lied.

"Is everything ok with you and my sister?" you ask. It was something that been playing in your mind. They looked ok on the outside but you thought Mapi would be a little bit mad at Leila for sleeping with you.

"Yes, we're ok"

"That's good"

A silence grows between you and whilst in the past is was comfortable, it now suffocates you. It was a reminder of just how much had changed.

"I suppose we better get ready for training" you nudge Leila a little bit so that you can get out of bed.

For the first time since arrived at Los Rojas Leila saw the damage she had caused. With you having just woke up you wasn't wearing the facade that everything was ok. She watched as you get ready, you didn't mind though, it wasn't like she hadn't seen it before.

Unbeknownst to Leila, her gaze had turned into a stare by the time you're dressed and in the elevator you feel Leila staring at you again.

"Stop staring Leila" you say without taking your eyes off the descending elevator floor numbers.

"I'm sorry Y/N"

"It's too late for apologies Leila. The damage has been done, all that we can do now is move on"

It sounded so simple as you said it and you hoped you sounded more convincing than you feel.

"Move on, right"

It was like a sucker punch to the gut. Leila had hoped that the two of you could work things out but it sounded like things were over and she had no one to blame but herself.

"Don't blame yourself Leila. We both knew the risks when we started sleeping together" you pat her shoulder before exiting the lift.

It seems like the entire team was waiting for you in the lobby before they went to the training fields. The glares that were sent your way didn't feel good but none burnt quite like your sisters. You looks towards her in in time to see her shaking your head and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what she was thinking.

"Don't eve--"

"Nice to see it didn't take you two long to return to old ways" Mapi beats you to it.

"Mapi" Alexia warns her.

"I don't appreciate you leaving me waiting for you in the gym" the blonde ignores her captain and continues her attack.

"What are you talking about? I don't want to be near you, never mind speak to you in private"

"But Lola said you wanted to see me"

"She lied. I didn't sleep last night so my guess is she told you that so that she could tell Leila to come to my room without you been a bitch about it"

"So you did sleep together" Mapi was been relentless and the team couldn't help but watch.

"You need to move on or you and I will be done. Do you understand?" your voice was low in order to keep your conversation private.

Mapi's stoic expression drops for a second but she soon recovers.

The room was in shock as they watched the interaction between the two of you. Over the years you and Mapi had fought but it never got this bad and they had never seen you this angry.

"You don't turn your back on family" Mapi shouts.

"You did it first"

Some of the coaches saw the argument in the lobby so they choose to keep you and Mapi separated for the training session but in doing so they paired you up with Leila. It was awkward at first but the two of you worked well on the pitch and it was nice to see that not everything has changed.

They're was one part of training where you couldn't avoid your sister and that was during the scrimmage at the end of the session. The aggressive style you both chose to play with meant that things got physical quickly between the two of you. Irene warned you and Alexia did the same to Mapi but it was a waste of time, you were out for blood and was treating the game like it was a world cup final. Even though you were battling on the pitch you did so in a save way, that is until you are clear on goal and you feel studs collide with your ankle. Despite the pain mounting in your foot you are up and in your sister's face within a matter of seconds.

"Really Mapi!" you shove her backwards "Was breaking my heart not enough for you? Do you want to end my career too?"

"I didn't break your heart Y/N. Don't stand there and act like the thing between you and Leila was anything more than sex. You're just angry that I called you out on it" Mapi steps forward only for Alexia hold her arm out making the defender stop in her tracks.

"You don't get it do you? You want to know why I didn't tell you?" you turn to face Leila "Do you want to know why I didn't tell her?"

"Because you were ashamed"

"Because I fell in love with you, not that it matters anymore" it took you a few days and one to many drinks with V to come to this realisation and it scared the life out of you. Of all the people, it was Leila who showed you what love was.

You could feel your emotions getting the better of you so when a stray tear falls down your cheek you are quick to wipe it away before leaving the pitch. This is why you didn't do relationships or feelings, it never ended well and you always ended up hurt.

A member of the coaching staff calls for training to continue whilst another follows you into the gym. By the time the rest of the team enter the gym you are working with the coach but in a separate area.

"Ladies listen up. I want you to pair up and work through the exercises on the board"

"What about Y/N?" Leila asks. In the camps previous the two of you had partnered up so it felt wrong you not being with the team even though she doubts you would want to work with her.

"Y/N is almost done and then she will be taking over Alexia's media this afternoon"

"That's not—“ Alexia is cut off.

"It was her suggestion"

That didn't exactly reassure Alexia. You hated media almost as much as she did so that fact that you'd rather spend your afternoon within journalists instead of the team spoke volumes.

The girls complete their workout and your revelation is not brought up once although a few looks are exchanged between Leila and Mapi. You being in love with Leila changed things and although she knows she had no right, Mapi feels her protective instinct for the first time since she found out.

A couple of hours later Lola is laid on her bed when she hears a knock at the door. She is quick to her feet hoping to find you on the other side of the door but that's not the case.

"Capitana, by all means come in" Lola jokes as Alexia is already through the door and inspecting your room "Y/N isn't here and before you ask I don't know where she is, haven't seen her since the workout"

Lola can tell that Alexia doesn't believe her but she was telling the truth. Within seconds someone else knocks at the door, this time it's Jenni, Irene and Aitana. The look of disappointment on their faces let's Lola know know that they too came to see you.

Mapi stands on the other side of your room. She can hear voices inside, one she doesn't hear is yours but that doesn't stop her from knocking.

"Well, well, well if it isn't my least favourite Leon" Lola says as she answers the door for the third time.

"I know I messed up, you don't have to remind me" Mapi says as she enters. She didn't know that you had such strong feelings for Leila, she just thought you were playing games and sister or not, she didn't want her best friend to get hurt.

"She isn't here" Jenni tells your sister.

"I know" this gets the attention of those around her.

"You know where she is?" Alexia asks.

"No but she isn't going to come back here" Mapi says as if it is obvious.

"Why not?"

"Because you’re all here"

What Mapi said made sense. Whenever something happened you craved peace and quiet, the type that only comes when you are alone but it didn't stop them from worrying especially when they noticed you left you phone in the room this morning. They had no option other than to wait for you to get back from wherever you had gone.

It was hard to find a place that nobody knew about when you attended national camp but last year you found an empty office that looked over the training field. It was peaceful and gave you time to think.

You honestly thought when you first slept with Leila that it would last a month, two at most and then the two of you would move on with your lives. Now almost a year later you have just confessed that you had fallen in love with her in front of the entire team.

When the door opens you don't move, you keep your back towards the person who has walked in. As far as you were aware only one person knew about this room and it was because you showed her it when you wanted a few moments alone where you wouldn't get interrupted.

"Everyone's looking for you" Leila takes a seat beside you but doesn't invade your personal space.

"Then they'll be looking for you too" you couldn't bring yourself to look at her. You feel stupid for feeling the way you do and you wished you could take back what you said. Not because you didn't mean it but because it stripped you of the walls you spent years building up.

Rightly or wrongly you move closer to Leila and rest your head on her shoulder.

"Who knew that night you seduced me would lead to this?" Leila was careful with the words she chose. It was a serious topic and the last thing she wanted to do was scare you away.

"Now we both knew it was you who seduced me. I was dancing innocently when you joined me on the dance floor, starting grinding on me, grabbed my hands placing one just near the hem of you skirt and the other one on your stomach so I could pull you close" that moment seemed so minor at the time but you remembered it as if it was yesterday.

"I surprised you remember, you were very drunk" Leila chuckles slightly and you know she is playing the moment back in her head.

"You were drunk Leila. I was stone cold sober"

"So you knew what you were doing?" Leila asked you. It always played on her mind, she thought you were drunk and wondered if you would have done the same thing if you were sober, now she finally has her answer.

"By the way you seemed to enjoy yourself that night I am offended that you would even have to ask" It was a cocky reply but you tone didn't match what you were saying and Leila picked up on it straight away.

"Y/N"

"Yes Leila I knew what I doing. I knew you were forbidden fruit but I slept with you anyways. I knew my sister would hate me but I didn't care. That night, and the many nights after, I made a decision one that I stand by because it brought some of the happiest times of my life even if those moments were mostly in the bedroom" you stand up and begin pacing the room, the weight of the situation was like anvil on your chest and you wasn't sure how much more you could take before breaking completely.

"But look where that got us Leila" you were admitting defeat.

"It got us us" Leila stood so she was at your level although due to the height difference she was a little bit smaller.

She cups your face giving you no other option than to look her in the eyes. It had been a few days since you had really looked at her and she was breathtaking. You succumb to her touch and she smirks slightly when she sees the affect she has on you, even now.

"You said you fell in love with me, did you mean it?" her hands drop to her side.

You take a moment to think about it. It felt right when you said it but in your eyes you were incapable of loving someone the way they deserved and in turn you didn't deserve their love but Leila made you question the possibility.

Was you in love with her? You aren't sure. What you are sure of is that you are the happiest when you are with her, that she is the first person you think of in a morning and the last person at night. When she is having a good day, you are too and when she is having a bad day, you will do everything in your power to make it better. You felt whole when your bodies are intertwined but did that mean you were in love with her?

Why did something so well known have to be so confusing?

"Y/N" Leila says bringing you out of your own head and back to the present moment.

"Leila I don't know what love is but when i'm with you it feels like what I imagine love to be"

It was the closest thing Leila was going to get to the 3 magic words and she knew it.

"I'm scared too Y/N" you didn't have to tell Leila, she understood how your mind works "Loving someone is scary and that's ok"

"But everyone—“

Public perception was something you always said you never cared about but now that they have opinions about something and someone you cared about, well it changed the way you thought.

"They will have their opinions and we can't stop them but at this point our team is full of couples so they don't really have a leg to stand on"

Leila had a point but their relationships didn't matter to you.

"But what—“

Your insecurities were beginning to get the better of you and the cracks in your confident persona were beginning to show.

"What if I were to say I have fallen in love with you?"

"Have you?" the concept of someone loving you seems absurd to you.

"I have. I love you Y/N and I know I messed up by telling your sister about us but I--"

Leila is cut off when you crash your lips into hers. You don't know what comes over you in that moment but you need her. She returns the kiss and it soon becomes deeper. You had kissed Leila countless times, this time was different. It's as if you let you heart take the reigns and it wasn't wasting any time in showing Leila just how much she means to you.

"What does this mean?" you ask after regaining your breathe.

"It means we both know what we want and we won't let anyone get in the way of that"

[drewsbuzzcut]

Keeping Up With The Barzals

mat barzal x model!fem!reader

a visceral in doses fic (editorial edition)

warnings: mentions being parents, having insecurities, mentions vibrators, early issues in a relationship, hints at sex, and I think that’s all… let me know if I missed something. ALSO: this takes place in 2027, so they only have Nolan!

Appealing, show stopping, the symbol that love doesn’t have to fizzle out with the pressures of success, or the responsibilities of true adulthood. I get the opportunity to interview the most famous couple to ever grace our social media feed. Y/n and Mat open up about their lives in the limelight.

A very pristine woman who isn’t afraid to change things up and dirty her clothes, that’s Y/n (soon-to-be) Barzal. From dominating the catwalks to being the best mom she can be, Y/n is a layered masterpiece. Y/n will go to the ends of the earth for her family. If that means she’s helping organize charity events for her husband's hockey team, or turning away jobs to be present for her son, she’ll do it. When asked about it, she said it’s a major privilege to be able to turn away jobs for her kid’s sake and to be able to help raise money for the Islanders.

As a model who is this generation’s icon, she’s awfully real. There’s no hiding or pretending when it comes to Y/n. In my opinion, that’s what makes her so inspiring and likable to everyone. However, don’t confuse her privacy for lying. There’s been many instances when Y/n had to keep aspects of her life private to protect those she loves. Times when the audience wasn’t too kind about her choice.

“There was a time when many people thought I was never around Nolan when he was an infant. It seemed that everyone got used to me posting little updates on my Instagram story, so when it stopped people were confused. People thought that I just hired a nanny and was never around my son. It hurt to hear those speculations, especially because they were so far from the truth. Nolan got really sick. He was only 6, almost 7 months and he got really sick. Mat and I had no clue how he contracted his sickness, but it was scary for a little while. I stopped working for that time frame, and I followed Mat, with Nolan of course. Mat had to continue working, but I just couldn’t be without him while our baby was going through what he was going through, so I traveled to each location he traveled to. I of course posted Instagram stories and posts, because not all my days were bad, but I didn’t and wasn’t going to post anything about Nolan until he was 100% better.” Y/n goes into detail about one of those incidents where she went quiet about certain things in her life.

“So many people think it’s so easy to be productive and encouraged all the time. I go from personality to personality with each photo shoot I work on. Not because I’m trying to be fake about who I am, but because sometimes photo shoots require you to step out of the person you are, and it’s not always a bad thing, but lines do get blurry and your mind gets foggy. It’s actually easier to get lost in emptiness, trying to get your feet to touch the ground. I think that’s why I try so hard to be open with my supporters. I’m holding myself accountable all at the same time. Becoming a mother definitely helped me with some of the fog. Becoming a mother made me stronger. I’m always being my best self for my son. I am also always being my best self for my husband. They’re everything to me.” Y/n gives us a little insight on what it’s like to experience the not so glamorous side of a fast paced lifestyle.

Aside from being a mother and a model, Y/n is the person who is determined. No one has to write a story about her, because she’s already writing it herself. I’ve never come face to face with someone with such confidence that’s still so humble. Y/n knows how to cook, knows how to style any piece of clothing, knows how to love herself and others selflessly, and most importantly, she can write. If you’re asking why it’s important that she writes when just about anyone can write, I mean Y/n really knows how to write. I am lucky enough to have received early access to the first draft of her very first manuscript. The words this woman can write are amazing. That’s just putting it lightly. It’s important that Y/n is such a phenomenal writer, because she has the chance to share her wisdom and thoughts. I happen to think her thoughts can change, if not the world, at least one person’s life.

“Don’t make me seem like I’m all work and no play. I can be loose around all my edges.” Y/n states as we near the end of our interview. As I said, she’s continuously writing her own story even when my pen stops. After hearing her out, I’ve come to the conclusion that she is the life of the party that every 20-something year olds wants to be. She blazes a fierce trail of being true to her indulgences. If she’s craving an ounce of music to fill her veins, she’ll gather her best pals and partake in a night of clubbing. If she craves a big, private party, she’ll rent a huge yacht and let her girlfriends go wild. There’s no barrier that will contain Y/n. She breaks any bounds because for her, living life isn’t about being uniform or perfect. Being a mom, a role model, or just someone who is responsible won’t stop her from being who she truly is. That’s not to say that Y/n is a big time party girl, or that she doesn’t care about herself or her surroundings. She does care, she just knows when not to.

Before kids, Mat and Y/n had one word to describe their relationship. “Sex.” They both splutter with laughter when they see the shocked look on my face. They assure me that “sex” isn’t the word they’d use, but I don’t think that sex is a lie to get a reaction out of me. It’s easy to see just how strongly they feel about each other. They’re playful and very teasing with one another. It’s all very sensual, though. You can feel the heat they radiate when their eyes connect with each other.

“Our relationship is chaotic. The type of chaos that makes you run in circles, pulling on your hair. The type of chaos that you search for when life loses meaning. The type of chaos that is unexpected, but welcomed and makes you feel alive. It’s scary, but only because it makes you feel so much. ‘Chaos.’ It causes pain and happiness, but the happiness is always there. The chaos makes us strive to be better. It makes our love timeless.” Y/n and Mat answer the question with a sureness that’s rare.

Speaking of being timeless, the envious pair are set to get hitched at the end of May. You may have noticed that they’re already referring to each other as husband and wife.

If you’re looking for tips on keeping things fresh, continue reading.

“We don’t force sexual activity. We also don’t plan it, we just let our feelings do what they do best. I don’t know if that’s because our connection is too strong, or for whatever reason we are usually in sync. Maybe it’s our constant teasing. We never go a day without teasing each other. It makes our touches, our kisses, more intense.” Mat explains.

“We also kiss a lot. We will never not kiss each other if that’s what we feel we should do. Lately, people have gotten used to hiding their affection, but they shouldn’t hide it. Embrace it, unless it really does make you uncomfortable. It’s actually so funny because I know Mat wasn’t really the type of person to be into PDA, but it changed when we got together.” Y/n chimes in.

“Yeah, that’s true. I never cared for PDA, but like Y/n said, when you feel it, you feel it.”

It’s honestly crazy that these two only have one child. When I told them that, they both laughed. Y/n was the first one to tell me that their baby boy would be their only baby for a while. Mat was unsure of her words, but nonetheless agreed with her.

The baby talk sidetracked our initial conversation of intimacy, but this type of intimacy between the small family is actually beautiful. They both went on and on about the throes and joys of parenthood. They were both surprised at the fact they were having a baby so early on in their relationship, but they told me it genuinely made their bond unbreakable.

Looking at the way their eyes always gravitate back towards the other’s, and their lingering touches that soothe their anxieties, it’s easy to see why they’re so desirable. It’s not about Mat being an attractive athlete, or Y/n being the most beautiful model, it’s the way they portray the feelings of love and passion.

Here’s their last relationship tip: “Don’t focus on finding the perfect person, or being the perfect person. Be yourself. I know it’s cliche, but be yourself. If you find THE one, they’ll always love you for who you are. Your passion and affection will never dim. If you’re feeling lonely, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t deserve you, just buy a vibrator.”

The so-called ladies man who turns into a puddle at the sight of his wife, Mat Barzal isn’t who you think he is.

As an athlete whose privacy is a bit more respected than the average celebrity, we needed to do a deep dive on New York’s finest hockey player.

Rising to early stardom, the young hockey player was perceived way before he got the chance to grow up. Different outlets vaguely recalling Mat as the playboy, or even a wasted talent. They had no clue who they were writing about, that much is clear. Mat is wise, something he says he learned from Y/n, and he’s not some egotistical man, looking for power. Sure, he’s confident in who he is, but that doesn’t make him conceited. He’s actually smart, despite what stigmas have been formed on hockey’s best. He’s not a one track man.

“Hockey has always been a big thing for me. It’s probably one of my biggest accomplishments, winning the cup and just having outstanding numbers, but my accomplishments don’t stop there. I’m proud of the man I’ve become and the father I’ve become. It’s taken a lot to not get crushed under the words and expectations of people on the outside. I still struggle with ignoring the unnecessary noise. Sometimes it seems like no one’s realized that I’ve grown up. To them I’m still a young boy who received too much too fast. I just want to say that I’m not denying that part of me, but that part of me is also stagnant. I’m not a young boy. I’m a man, a man with a wife and son. I know I’m still young in age, but certainly not my actions. Don’t get me wrong I’m not some grandpa. I get out, I drink and I sometimes act wild. I also know when to be responsible because I do have a son and a wife, whose reputation can easily be reflected off my own reputation.”

Mat Barzal is someone to be proud of. He’s also someone who many want to be friends with; I don’t blame them.

“My party days? I don’t know if my party days will ever be over. My wife, who’s younger than me, is a smoke show. I want to take her everywhere, show her off. She’s the love of my life, why wouldn’t I want to, you know. She’s also keeping me young and active. She usually doesn’t like to go to parties alone, so I’ve become accustomed to attending them with her. Plus, my teammates know how to throw a party, too. I love going to those and so does Y/n. Ever since having a son, it’s been a little harder to party. If it’s a get together, we’ll most likely bring Nolan along because we know there will be other kids there. And no, we’re not drinking or driving with our son around, or in general. If we have Nolan with us, I won’t drink, just simply enjoy the vibes and get drunk off my wife and see her enjoy herself. If it’s just Y/n and me, it’s a whole different story. We will get drunk together, but we will make sure we have a safe ride home through our car service.”

An all-around easy going guy with a great sense of humor, and an undying love for his wife and son. Hockey does not define this man.

For someone (Y/n) who’s so public about a lot of things, it really throws people for a loop when they’re out of the conversation about their relationship. I don’t even have to ask them about it, I see it all the time on Twitter. There are always questions about what’s going on, or if they’re even still together. The biggest speculation I’ve seen is that their relationship is all PR.

I honestly don’t understand the need for people to immediately demote a relationship to a PR one. It’s actually offensive, to the couple at least. I'm going to say it once, and once only, Y/n and Mat are not a publicity stunt. I feel that most people know that by now that they have a kid together, but if you didn’t know, now you do.

“We never thought our relationship would be such a big deal to many people, but anytime I’m not wearing islanders gear or pictured with barzy in the span of 1 minute, magazines are popping out new headlines by the minute. ‘Y/n and Mat: The Breakup of the Century,’ ‘Y/n no longer engaged to the hockey heartthrob.’ People live for us to say that our relationship is perfect. It’s not. That’s a fact. We’ve had so many issues in our relationship, not that we’d share all of them, but it’d just make everyone go ballistic if they knew. Something as complicated and beautiful as a relationship shouldn’t be dictated or have an opinion formed by people who know nothing about the couple and their history. Mat and I aren’t perfect; a big portion of our relationship has been built on our issues.”

Just because they’re a powerhouse couple, doesn’t mean they don’t have their insecurities. Talking with the couple, I learned a lot about how they feel like they have to hide their true feelings due to being perceived certain ways.

“A lot of fans expect us to be indestructible, yet they’re usually the ones tearing us down. I hate to admit it, but a lot of our fights have stemmed from actions of those watching us online. It’s not that we necessarily believe what they’re saying, but some of it lingers in the back of our minds. We then start to pull away and not talk about the way we feel. It’s going to surprise people when I say that Y/n and I have gone to couple’s therapy so early on in our relationship. It was a hard time that I wouldn’t change because it showed each other that we were in it no matter what. Thick and thin.”

“People might be bothered about what I’m about to admit, but I don’t really care. In the nicest way possible. Anytime I see someone talking negatively about OUR relationship, I post pictures of us. We can be doing the most mundane tasks, or out and about, I will post it to rub it in their face. Is it immature? Sure, to some. In all honesty, who wouldn’t show off their man if they’re as wonderful as barzy is. Sorry that y’all didn’t get to him first,” Y/n states, walking over to her husband and laying a passionate kiss on his lips. They’re clearly not bothered by the presence of others when indulging in each other.

a/n: This was something different for me to write, but I loved it and I hope y’all do too!!

[chronically-ghosted]

delicious

rating: T (for cursing and drug use)

pairing: dieter bravo x f!reader

word count: 2160

summary: in order to make a fundraising event bearable, you and Dieter take edibles. When the event runs long, your only chance to make it out alive is to find something to eat. 

warnings: drug use (it’s just edibles c’mon you narc), eating, the munchies, messy kissing, dieter bravo being a giant goofball and i hate him, this fic is so self-indulgent i'm embarrassed FOR you, FLUFF

a/n: this one kicked my butt, idk why. But @ravensmadreads says its good so here you go. For my 100 followers event (this is the last one! wow!): @sp00kymulderr asked: Taylor!! Congrats on 100, you’re my favourite blog honestly I check your posts every day just to read your tags lmao. For the celebration can I request some of our sweet boy Dieter with the prompt “We should probably leave, before we start a scandal.” it’s absolutely perfect

🤍Masterlist

After thirty minutes, your eyes are starting to cross. Your high-ribbed dress pinches the soft skin under your tits and the boob tape is starting to chafe your nipples. The ruby red heels have officially given you blisters but the worst – the absolute worst of it – you’re fucking starving.

And the Layaway Barbie at the podium marches on, her big eyes wet and her mouth begging, as she proves to a roomful of donors why they should spend another million in . . . tree-frog rehabilitation. Dieter had been drawn to the little green guys with red eyes on the front of the invitation and as the guest of honor for his “philanthropic” work when he was “dating” a Doctor Without (personal) Borders six years ago, how could he not go?

Let’s take an edible before we go, he said. 

Whatever the vibe, it’ll be better if we’re on edibles, honey. 

That is the last time you let him convince you of anything while he’s not wearing pants and his hand is down yours. 

Your stomach grumbles and you fight back a whine. You make a noise like that and someone will definitely know you’re on drugs. The portly man next you has been staring at you with poorly hidden disgust all night as it is. But for now, his eyes focus in on Layaway Barbie, his loose jowls around his permanently down-turned mouth reminding you of a cartoon character. But which one?

Your eyes narrow at him. He glances at you out of the corner of his eye and it comes to you.

“Droopy!” you yelp and immediately clap your hand over your mouth. Your table mates eye you as if you are some society dredge they did not wish to involve themselves with. 

You turn as best you can in your seat, ready to either be scolded by Dieter or have him laugh with you, but he does neither.

In fact, cross-armed, low in his seat, he lets out a low snore. 

It’ll be fun, he said. 

“Dieter!” You hiss. Nothing. His face is relaxed, lips parting as he falls deeper asleep. Irate you didn’t think of it first, you smack him across the knee. “Dieter!”

He jerks, eyelids cracking open briefly, and suddenly he drops his chin again.

“Thank you for your blessing and influence, oh Lord. Am— oh, hey, baby, what’s up?” 

“Don’t ‘hey, baby, what’s up’ me. You were asleep and you just faked praying.” 

“Better than faking other things,” he yawns loudly, blinks a bit, and realizes the “inspiring” speech (and presentation) is still going on. “Oh, fuck, we’re gonna die here.” 

“Can you please keep it down?” The woman to Dieter’s right snaps. “You are making a mockery of a serious and pressing issue facing our society.”

Dieter blinks at her, his arms still across his chest. You can hear the bitch climb up his throat before he even opens his mouth.

“Well, you’re making a mockery of that dress and you don’t see me complaining–,”

You snag him by the hand and pull him away from the table before the woman has the good sense to throw her drink into his face. 

He stumbles behind you as you push on the metal bar, the latch clicking, and you both tumble out into the empty hotel hallway. When the event started, everyone had been herded in from the other doors, where the lobby was. This looks like the kind of hallway drunk co-eds wander down while trying to find the bathroom after prom. 

Which – ironically –

His big paw clutches your waist as he falls, or rather, stumbles into a tacky maroon and gold wall. In the fumbling under his legs as they overtake you, and keeping the rim of your heels from biting into your already puckered flesh, he manages to pin you beneath him. The instant the smell of his cologne washes over you, the instinct to claw his stupid eyes out evaporates. You sigh, both of his hands cupping your neck. 

“Mhmm, there she is,” he murmurs, sing-song, kissing your nose. “Little hellcat turns baby kitten when she gets what she needs.” 

“You are the biggest idiot I know,” you purr into his ear as his hands slide through the layers of your skirt to your ass. 

“Yes, but I’m your idiot.” The cry you let out when he pinches your ass cheek beneath your dress is all the answer he needs. 

Hands full of your thighs, he rubs you up the wall but there’s too many layers, too much gossamer to get him where you need him. His breath comes in short pants as he presses sloppy, wet kisses to your shoulder, your clavicle, your cheek. 

There it comes again. Hunger. Driven on by –

You bite him.

“Ow!” 

He pulls back and your mouth drops open in horror – you didn’t mean to bite him that hard and –

Your stomach lets out the most petulant growl. 

Hand on his neck like it’s bleeding, Dieter follows your gaze to your stomach as if it had called his name.

And then you both break out into side-splitting laughter. 

He eases you down, giggling, his nose pressed to your temple. Were you at home, the sex would have probably continued, but the atmosphere would be different – playful, teasing – he once did a Kermit the Frog impression while balls-deep inside of you and you laughed so hard you instantly came all over him. 

“Baby,” he sighs through his teeth and kisses your hairline. “I know. I’m so fucking hungry.” He snaps his teeth by your ear and you push him back by his chest. Two goddam years of dating this moron and he still makes you blush like you’re fifteen and necking with a band geek. 

His fingers wrap around your wrist to hold your hand above his heart, kissing your knuckles. He sucks your thumb once before you yelp, and he pushes your fist into his hair as you try to squirm away. He smirks into your neck.

“Dieter!”

“I’m hungry!”

“You’re the one who suggested we take edibles before coming to this thing.” 

“Mhmm, let’s go home and do more drugs.”

“But you owe me dinner. Five Guys?”

“Baby, I have to eat something first to have enough stamina for that.”

“Oh my god, you –,”

He bites you on your earlobe again, grinning as he comes behind you to nudge you down the hall. “I know what you meant. I’m down for burgers, but I want, like, five.”

“Me too. Carry me? My feet hurt.”

“Of course, mah kwehn,” he nods as he scoops you up across his broad shoulders, momentarily taking on the affectation of Jon Snow and his loyalty to the dragon queen. 

You’re working to kick your heels off as he marches the two of you down the hallway and you’ve nearly gotten your second heel off (the first in your lap) when he suddenly stops. 

“Oi, Thomas, we’re not at the train station yet,” you grumble as you reach for your heel, awkwardly tucked under you and his arm. “Keep it going. Choo choo, you know?” 

He still isn’t moving. You frown up at him, another transportation joke at the ready, but his wide-eyed stare gives you pause. 

“What are you looking at?” You turn in his arms, hunger now officially twisting your stomach painfully. “Why’d you–,”

Your mouth falls open. 

Beyond two double doors at the end of the hall sits a silver cart, loaded with tiny chocolate desserts. 

You swallow the spit flooding your mouth. This time, his stomach grumbles as if to add to the argument. 

“Dieter, put me down.” He all but drops you. 

“Dieter, we can’t.” 

“Why?” 

“We shouldn’t.” 

“Why?”

“You’re only saying that because we’re both high as fuck right now and I’d eat bathroom soap if I could.” 

That seems to rattle him out of his starvation-induced stupor. He snorts and rolls his eyes. “Please, when have I ever not eaten something I wasn’t supposed to?” 

You blink up at him, now several inches shorter without your heels. “What? None of that made sense.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m going for it.” 

He strides past a very wide hallway branching back towards the lobby of the hotel, no doubt where several waiters intended to roll dessert out to the waiting reception. They’d be back at any second, but either due to being higher than a kite, his own innate lack of shame, or a combination of the two, Dieter is across the hallway in seconds and he snatches up two of the little chocolate spheres and shoves them both into his mouth at the same time.

“Holy shit, they’re cream puffs.” 

Your hunger nearly doubles you over. “C-cream puffs? Those are m-my–,”

“Your favorite. I know. Mhmm, fucking get over here.”

Trembling from a lack of food and nerves, you slink over to him, hand out-stretched. He’s already had four more by this point and he’s stacking more onto a single plate as your fingers squish around one right in front of you. You pinch and the gooey white cream eases out the side. You whimper. 

Dieter pauses, the tips of his fingers stained with dark chocolate and a dollop of cream on his cheek. 

“That’s the sound you make when I eat you out.” 

Rather than answer your boyfriend, you pop the cream puff into your mouth. Your eyes roll back in your head as the pastry melts on your tongue.

“Oh fuuuck.” 

Dieter watches with growing concern as you scarf down pastry after pastry. “Okay, now I’m a little offended you’re so turned on by this.” 

“Shut up, and let me eat.” 

In minutes, the silver cart is empty. Chocolate smeared across a dozen haphazardly-arranged plates, dots of cream littering the spaces between plates and on the edge of the cart, it looks like a fucking war zone of confectionery. 

You find yourself breathing heavy, your face and arms covered in the guts of those poor, poor baked goods. Dieter isn’t faring much better, his jacket stained and beard sticky. Your hunger is sated, for now, but you think of burgers and fries and a vanilla milkshake and immediately turn to Dieter, who stares back at you with wide eyes.

“I want six burgers–,”

“We should probably leave before we start a scandal–,”

You stare at each other, soldiers shell-shocked, rehabilitated werewolves in horror of their bloodshed. Bloodlust.

The second you get home you’re gonna give him the kind of blow job that stops his heart.

Half-way laughing, half-way crying, you take him by the collar, further smearing chocolate over the starched white linen and his neck, and kiss him soundly on his conspicuous mouth. He giggles through the kiss and cups your cheeks, his massive hands sticky and warm. 

“We should go . . .” he murmurs again before pressing his lips to you again. Cream puffs or no, it all tastes better when you lick it off the corner of his mouth. 

“We’re gonna have to walk past the lobby,” you bemoan into his patchy beard. Dieter smirks and without warning, squeezes your right tit, leaving a very clear chocolatey handprint on your dress. 

“Dieter!”

“C’mon, baby, I wanna devour you. And I want all of them to know it.”

That was the thing about Dieter Bravo, he never did anything small. He never allowed you to feel small. He was obsessive about taking pictures of you, posting them everywhere, never ashamed of you and desperate to have the world see you the way he did. 

Like you were delicious. 

“I’ll buy you six burgers if you let us walk out like this.”

“Deal.” 

Grinning like only a man with nothing to hide can, he takes you by the hand and leads you back towards the very fancy dinner you’ve both no doubt been kicked out of. 

Something rises up in you the longer you stare at his broad back. 

“Dieter, wait.”

He pauses, turns, and crumbles slightly beneath the weight and intensity of your kiss.

“I love you,” you say before he can slip his tongue into your mouth. 

Dieter Bravo does nothing small, is nothing small. Except when it’s just you and him and the words you just uttered hang in the air between you. A small, hesitant smile expands across his lips, as if he can’t quite believe what he’s hearing but it warms him nonetheless.

“I love you too.” 

He kisses your nose and you sigh into him. You could stay like this forever, wrapped up in him. But then you might just eat him alive.

“Burgers, Dieter.”

“Right, right. How many do you think we can buy at one time?” 

You both ignore the paparazzi and their cameras as you walk hand in hand, your heels in your other hand, with Dieter out the front door and into the limo, arguing about which fast food joint would let you get at least twenty burgers. 

Nothing about Dieter Bravo is small. Especially his appetite. 

[m3r1m4r5u333]

I might go a bit silent for some time after this post because I've been neglecting my real life lately in a way that's seriously about to bite my arse, but. I'm here to say something that I fervently wish the 9-1-1 fandom, and the queer audiences, or fans of queer fiction in general... will hear and embrace. It's this:

This is the time to let your freak flag fly!!!!

Don't you DARE hold yourself back!!!

Let that freak flag fly!!!

I say that because we need that enthusiasm for our survival. We need that enthusiasm NOW.

Who is this we? It's us!! Fans of the show. Fans of queer fiction. Queers! Allies! People who believe in love! Queer representation in media!!

Because do you even realize what this show just did when it gave us a canonized bisexual Buck, kissing a man on screen, for the first time, in season 7 of the show?

No, it wasn't fan service. It wasn't the show folding to an obsessive queer audience.

No, this was planned, from the very beginning. Anyone who pays any attention and watches the show with open eyes can see it was.

They wanted to create a closeted bisexual character who would stay in the closet for a good while. And they did.

Yes, I am being 100% serious, yes, I absolutely believe this to be true.

These characters we follow, these storylines we watch... Do you really think these characters are just the result of random keysmashing, the writers just going

"Hmm I don't really have a plan here, let's just call this guy "Buck" and release him into the world! ... What do you mean, who is he?

I don't fucking know, he's Buck, let's just decide what to do with him later! I'm going to lunch now, who's coming with me?"

No. These characters are designed. They are planned. They are crafted out by teams of writers, who brainstorm and discuss, and pitch plans, and figure them out:

Which quirk makes them interesting, what secret are they hiding, what are their flaws, what's their backstory, why do they behave like they do...

What to do with them, what kind of story to build with them, whom to match them with for future romances... And so on.

The end result is thought out, because they want the characters to be complex, and human... yet consistent...

And to serve a purpose: to help the storytellers create meaningful stories, and illuminate important issues.

And this character design process nowadays? It definitely includes figuring out what the character's sexuality is - way before you release them into the world!!!

Because the writers know they need to know, and understand the character, to operate them in a way that makes sense, and sexuality is an important part of the "design".

Because that's how you ensure consistent behavior, how you establish a personality!!! I'm being serious, this is just basic characterization, and worldbuilding, and these writers are professionals.

Sexuality is a trait that real people are fairly consistent about, and good fiction imitates real life. For example... If my dad just out of the blue got busy with another man, I would be quite stunned because I've spotted no signs that he might be closeted. Ever.

So if you want to create a closeted bisexual character, and not have people go "there were literally zero signs of this"... You plan. From the start.

And not just to avoid pissing off the straight audience!!! We queers don't appreciate half-assed queer characters any more than they do!!! That's ignorant and lazy, a casual middle finger to the queer audience.

But Buck's closeted bisexuality... It WAS definitely planned. It was CLEARLY planned. In a way that would make justice to the real bisexuals watching.

"Oooh but you're delusional, he's a womanizer, he's been a womanizer!!!"

Exactly. Because guess what? That isn't unrealistic at all. That is real life illustrated into fiction.

This is actually fairly common behavior for bisexuals, this era of almost hypersexual interest in the "opposite sex".

It is both genuine interest, and a front. It is genuine because it's not a lie. These closeted bisexual "womanizers" (or if it's a woman, "man-eaters")... Of course they are truly into these people they so eagerly court, why wouldn't they be. Buck sought out women, because he is into women.

And as said, it is also a front. Because it is often triggered by underlying insecurity. You think you're straight, or desperately want to be straight... But something just feels off. Maybe you notice someone who you "shouldn't" be drawn to, maybe you find that your eyes linger on odd things. Maybe you get turned on by something you "shouldn't".

And that freaks you out. So you try to drown these strange feelings by clinging into what you know. You know you like the "opposite" sex. This means you are straight!! You definitely are. Look at me, doing straight things, like a regular straight person!

It's kinda... A state of desperation, and denial is the engine. You became almost this parody of a straight person. A womanizer. A man-eater. 100% straight, look at me woo! It's about self-deception, and it's about bi erasure (not really even believing that bisexuality is a valid sexuality), and it's about fear of someone figuring you out.

And sometimes it's really just... About being oblivious, and lacking self-awareness. I mean... I am bi, just like Buck. Guess what clued me in? The unplanned flirting. Brainless, outrageous, oblivious flirting.

I am a woman and I did that with women. I had no idea I was flirting. I thought I was joking. Teasing. Bantering. Being friendly. Bonding. Being funny.

I am fairly outspoken and impulsive (now diagnosed with ADHD btw) so often I just leap before I think. So I just... interacted. And then one day, in the middle of a conversation with a female friend... I just got this really, really weird feeling. Like slowly waking up from sleep walking. Where am I, what am I doing? Why am I standing so close to her? Why does this feel so intense? And I just took in the moment, rewinded it, analyzed it, took notice of how oddly jittery I was. And went...

What the fuck. I am FLIRTING. I am totally flirting. I have been flirting! For a good while now! This is me, trying to provoke a very specific reaction! This is me, being excited because she's noticing me, and flirting back! (She was bi too btw, and out, so even though this never went anywhere, I am fairly sure that I wasn't wrong. We were both flirting.)

Anyway, this ramble was about Buck being a womanizer, and an oblivious flirt with men, and closeted, and not even realising the closet...

And it all making perfect sense!!! This happens! It happened to me! Some people don't realise their bisexuality until it practically smacks them in the face.

This is perfectly realistic story-telling. This is a valid portrayal of a closeted adult bisexual.

And Buck does flirt with men, on screen, since season fucking one!!! That emergency, in season one, the guy with the tape worm? That's him, being an oblivious outrageous flirt, starting to hit on a male patient mid emergency!!

Bobby actually has to cut it off because Buck is being super unprofessional there.

That was written, acted, filmed, aired. And as said, these characters are designed.

And that's not all. There are so many other instances of Buck flirting with a man, crushing on a man, being unable to shut up about men.

Go see Eddie's and Buck's meeting - the ridiculously homoerotic first introduction of Eddie. The way Buck absolutely must impress Eddie. The way he jumps to the idea that Eddie won the spot on the "hot firefighter calendar", the way he gets super flustered when Eddie compliments him and tells Buck he can have Eddie's back anyway.

The way he assumes Maddie is surely talking about Eddie instead of Chimney when she says "he's so cute". The way he is seen prattling about Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, and Maddie then asks about this "boy crush".

Go watch the entire storyline with Veronica/Albert/Buck/Taylor. It tells us very clearly that Buck sees Albert in a towel, and then can't stop rambling about him. This chronic inability to shut up about Albert is shown on several occasions.

Buck's date, Taylor, even walks out mid their double date due to that. Taylor takes in the clusterfuck she's been invited to, makes it very clear that she's heard A LOT about Albert as Buck keeps talking about ALBERT, and leaves.

Anyway - my point here is. The writing team wanted to write a closeted adult bisexual character, and figured... How do we make them realise that Buck really was bi all along?

Well, by showing him, being bi. Showing him in genuine relationships with women, and also showing him flirt with men. So that when he finally comes out, people have material to examine, and realise...

It was always there. He was always bi.

And they did because they wanted to bring awareness, to write a story of an adult closeted bisexual. The closeted part is important, btw. Because making him come out on screen is like simulating someone coming out to you in real life. They're making you ask;

Did you see the signs?

Or did you see signs... And dismiss them?

These stories are important because bisexual erasure is real. Many people don't even believe, or know that we exist!! And there is so much ignorance about what bisexuality is, what it can look like. "Oh, surely not a womanizer like Buck! Can't be. Ridiculous!"

But guess what? It isn't ridiculous. It isn't bad, or half-assed writing. You just don't understand the realities here.

Let me tell you some facts about bisexuality. I challenge you to verify them yourself, look up studies, and see that I'm not writing fiction now.

We bisexuals cling to our closets, desperately. Often well into adulthood. Btw, I'm closeted too actually, to my family. And yeah, I may sound like I'm 14. I am not.

And no, we aren't fine in our closets. We don't have it easy. We aren't doing well. We bisexuals are actually... Alarmingly, clearly, unwell.

And not just compared to straight people. No. We are pretty much, fairly clearly, either the top or near the top.. highest ranking mental cases among the queer community!! ... So. Yay?

Don't believe me? Look up studies about bisexuals. Though... There aren't that many, actually. Turns out, if you try looking up scientific research about bisexuals? Well, there isn't much. Compared to other groups of people, we are basically unstudied. Because hey, we're a bit meh. Why fund that research? Unimportant, those bisexuals! They're doing fine!

So... This is why I love this storyline, and Buck coming out. Because it's a high profile main character. And because they worked to get this right, to establish Buck's interest in women, as well as men.

You know, because that's what usually happens when a closeted character, or a real bisexual person comes out.

"Oh. He's gay now?"

Yeah. Bisexual erasure, it never stops winning. 🙄

Anyway, my post turned essay about letting the freak flag fly....?

That's how you support shows like these, writers like these, storylines like these.

By being an enthusiastic fan, and letting everyone know about it.

This is free PROMO for the show, our rambling, our freaking out.

Even if you personally have no legal means to watch the show, you can still support it by loving it. Talking about it. Letting your imagination fly. Indulging in your CRAZIEST fan theories!!!

And tagging it, reblogging it.

Please do that.

Don't listen to anyone trying to make you shut up,

Trying to get you to be rational,

Trying to organize a freaking "moment of silence" from shipping,

Trying to shame you and get you to "respect Buck's coming out arc" by focusing on it instead shipping characters....

Don't listen to anyone trying to make you hate a "problematic character".

"Problematic" characters are good writing!!!! Real people have flaws!

Guess what - trying to create and write perfect characters... If you do that? You end up looking at Teletubbies. Do you like Teletubbies? Do you?!!

Don't even listen to me if I try to argue for something because I "spot a problem' and want to whine about it.

No, ignore it, be confident, be a freak, let your freak flag fly!!

Because this is an important time in the history of the show, of queer media.

People are looking at how the show does after a queer twist like this one.

And they look at numbers.

At viewership. How many people the show lost.

How many it gained.

These numbers do not tell them which viewer ships whom.

Shipping is fucking irrelevant.

Shipping wars don't matter here!!

Because even if you ship Athena and a table lamp,

but post about it, it is still promo and viewership!!!!

How "sensitive" you are, and how overwhelmed the story arc made you...

does not matter here.

How disappointed you are that you did not get Buddie, yet, doesn't matter.

You being offended that people focus on some characters over others.... Does not matter.

It doesn't translate to the most important number, which is viewership.

And the best way to get decent viewership, and reward this incredible story arc, and love this show...

Is to let your freak flag fly!!!!!!!!!!

It's not to sit in silence because people are shaming you about continuing to freak out about your particular focus on the show.

That shame and "respect" just creates silence. That erases our voice. That mutes the fandom, the free promo, and tanks viewership.

Silence? That could kill this show, and OTHER shows that may consider doing something like this.

Going on mute now will only hinder incredible writers like these, wanting to create future shows and storylines like these.

You know... Because this scene about "let 'em fire us" underneath??

It is hilarious, yes. But it is also heart-breaking.

Because this is very likely META writing.

The writers, the show... scared, yet brave, wondering how the audience will react to Buck's coming out.

If this pays off. If they still have a job in the industry after this leap.

So see what a gift these writers are.

Reward it by making noise.

By being absolutely unhinged about it.

Really, fuck this moment of silence to "Buck's bi growth".... Ship whoever, NOW, - Ravi and Buck and Athena together, if it tickles your brain!!!

Be problematic. Be a freak. Let it show.

Let your freak flag fly. That's how you love the show.

[a-d-nox]

pac: advice from the universe regarding the next month

i'm trying something new, a pick a card. take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile one

you may be feeling like you are lacking or at a loss (you could fear loss as well). there may be something going on monetarily - perhaps you have work stress and fear job loss or something you have invested in is not panning out. try not to focus on what you lack or may lose, instead appreciate what you have in the moment - abundance comes from within. plus you may be overlooking those around you who want to help - do not internalize fears, allow others to help you if they are offering.

"thunder only happens when it's raining" is what i am hearing ("dreams" by fleetwood mac). after storms there is sunshine and sometimes a rainbow - hard times are temporary. adapt your perspective to have a more optimistic outlook - have hope and faith that things will get better. things that have happened in the past are not bound to repeat themselves - if you are healing and being optimistic you are bound to manifest better outcomes.

take swift actions to remain in control. you may get a lot of ideas and thoughts regarding your situation - confront and converse with others to tackle any issue(s) head on. trust all gut instincts to guide you through each step. don't worry about details, simply make a move. be bold and initiate action. you are likely to experience improved communication and clarity in your connections with others when doing so.

pile two

you should be aware of the person with a strong nuturing and dependable attitude - perhaps this person is you. evaluate the quality of the support you give and receive in your life. perhaps your are giving more than you are receiving, or receiving more than you are giving. make sure that you are being generous and appreciative in order to receive from the universe. nurture yourself as well as you nurture others as well. you attract what you put out into the universe oftentimes - so ensure that you are caring for yourself and your space. it's a great time to nurture yourself and the world around you.

you may not know it, but you are stronger than you think. you have everything you could possibly need at your fingertips - with intention and passion you can do anything. you're in your prime ("liquid smooth" by mitski) to manifest anything this month. take action - remember to create balance. never go to extremes.

celebrate yourself; you likely look around and and see people who are more fulfilled or successful than you. BUT reminder: we are all at different stages and on different tracks. you deserve to celebrate yourself and your wins. enjoy small moments with friend and/or family. be grateful for what you do have. feel secure in your overall wellbeing - you are on your way to more success (love, career, and/or personally).

pile three

know that you are your highest self - you know who you are at heart and can/should express yourself accordingly. you are a very emotionally aware of those around you as well as your own feelings - you could be initiating a new romance. be open to new and unexpected messages from those around you (something is coming your way). be sure that you remain playful and creative at this time - follow your intuition and create as you feel inspired. take in the small moments - there you may find inspiration for new things.

try to envision yourself above the situation you are in now. imagine being in control of your situation ("imagine" by john lennon - i feel like you are going through it compared to the other piles/cards) - you are guiding your situation in a hopeful way that is best for you. utilize your gift of manifestation to the fullest to guide you through change. heal and be hopeful of your wonderful future.

you should embrace your alone time - explore your inner realm and figure out who you are and what you want/need. this is a great time to do shadow work. spend alone time to heal and recharge - you will know when it is time to go out and be social again. you are seeking your inner truth and that takes time and space - it is okay to want alone time. mediate, go for a walk, connect with the world around you.

[miasmal-sweetness]

Here, Kitty, Kitty

NSFW - MDNI - 18+ ONLY

Graduation is near and I am ignoring health issues by writing hot trash. I put on fake nails for the first time in a literal decade so I have had to relearn how to type during this and I am going to blame that for why this is honestly Not Good and pretty sloppy.

This is absolutely my attempt to reclaim the pet name “kitty” for myself after my weird abusive ex ruined it for me years ago since that’s what he called me.

Here, Kitty, Kitty

Summary: yandere!Cloud x reader. 3.1k. Cloud finally has the perfect nickname for you, but you’ve gone missing. Don’t worry; your hero will save you, just like always.

Warnings: he calls you kitty, duh; reader is gender-neutral but has a vagina; smut; Cloud 100% kidnapped reader; bondage; noncon; suffocation/drowning

“I’m home, kitty.” That’s it. Short and sweet and it rolls off the tongue. That’s what you are—short, sweet, and you also feel great on his tongue. Cloud is certain you’ll love the pet name; his heart has skipped many beats every time he’s thought about it.

Cloud sets his sword down by the door, waiting to hear the usual signs of your presence. You two have been living together for a while now, and you’ve settled into a routine. By now, dinner will be ready, and you’ll be waiting for his return in the kitchen as you flip through a cookbook for the umpteenth time. But this time, he doesn’t hear your breath, your footsteps, the soft turn of pages, or you stirring a pot. It’s silent.

Cloud steps further in to his house. Were you asleep? You had tossed and turned a lot the night before; he wouldn’t blame you for needing a nap. He peers in to the kitchen and finds no sign of you, not a single dish out of place, like you hadn’t even eaten breakfast. The living room is similarly empty, even though the couch is where you usually take your naps. Maybe the rain outside disturbed you; there was a large window that overlooked the couch, so it could be a little loud and chilly there.

You’re not in the hall. You’re not in the extra room he’s let you slowly turn into your own space. His heart is starting to pick up the pace; if you aren’t in the bedroom, then—no. He can’t think that way. Cloud cracks the door open, just in case you really are sleeping, but throws it open when he finds that the bed is empty. Cloud takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. There is one other place you could be, but not only did he keep it locked, you also hated it. The basement—a place you’d only go in to if he dragged you kicking and screaming.

It was storming, though. Maybe you found a way to get in and took shelter out of fear. Cloud left the bedroom after another glance, heading straight for the basement door at the end of the hall. Sure enough, the door was unlocked. He keeps the key on him at all times; there’s no way you swiped it off of him, since it’s still in his pocket. Maybe you found a way to pick it.

Either way, Cloud pushes the door open and makes his way down the stairs. “I’m coming down, kitty,” he calls, flipping on the lights. “Don’t be scared, okay?”

He knows before he even sees the basement that you’re not there. He can feel it, but he holds on to that bit of hope anyway. Hope matters little in this world, though. You aren’t there. The basement is empty. His gaze lands on the red silk that lies by the wall. Strong, tightly-woven silk that he brought home after you kept getting horrible rope burns and bruises when he tried cuffs. You were too weak to get out of it, but it didn’t hurt you, either. He wishes he had used it that morning.

One of the windows has been broken open, and your struggle is remembered by the shards of glass covered in your blood. The bars that covered every window were damaged on only this one, pried apart with a hammer from the toolkit he forgot to take back from you. You said you needed it to work on your sewing machine; it needed maintenance, but he didn’t have the time to supervise you or do it himself. What a dumb decision. He should have just stayed an extra thirty minutes.

Now you’re gone, probably lost somewhere out in the rain and possibly trying to fend off monsters. You aren’t a fighter. You were easy for him to drag here; so easy he wouldn’t have had trouble even without years of training and mako forced in to him. You’re probably scared, cold, and lost, wondering why he hasn’t saved you yet.

Of course, deep down, he knows that’s not true. You ran away. Pried off the prison bars keeping you caged, escaped the room he kept you in for a month and a half before he thought he wore down your will—the room he still brings you down to sometimes when you misbehave or something triggers his paranoia. Cloud knows all of this, but he’s good at ignoring it. You need him, whether you like it or not.

Grabbing the silk rope from the floor, Cloud trudges back up the stairs and grabs his sword. You can’t have gotten far. The house is way out in the countryside, where paths are limited; your bare feet are not going to move quickly or easily on the rocky terrain. He follows a fading trail of blood leading away from the broken window. He’s so focused on your trail that the feeling of cold rain pouring on him is barely noticeable; he only thinks about it when he realizes that you must be freezing.

He moves a little faster.

Eventually, the trail of blood stops, either because the wound clotted or the rain has washed it away. He hopes it doesn’t hurt to badly. He does. He does believe that—he’s tries to drown out the thoughts that insist that you deserve it for being such a brat, that this will teach you a lesson, that this is nothing compared to what he’ll do when he drags you back home. The thought of making you crawl over the broken glass you left behind in the basement is interrupted when he notices footprints left behind in the mud. They’re barely visible, but they’re there.

The footprints guide him to a few shrubs. Some strands of your hair are caught in the leaves and branches; he wonders if you were trying to crawl under them for shelter from the rain. Evidently, you gave up and tried taking refuge under a tree, but that must not have been good enough. Your trail leads right to a dying tree leaning against a small, rocky hill; a small source of relief from the rain. There are no prints leading out. You’ve barricaded yourself in with branches and leaves, mostly in an effort to stay hidden. He smiles at the childish attempt—he might be pissed that you left, but it’s adorable that you think that would be good enough.

“It’s just me,” he calls. “You can come out.”

No response. He doesn’t even hear you shift.

“Here, kitty, kitty,” he teases, circling your poor attempt at a hiding spot. “Come to me, kitty.”

You want to tell him to fuck himself. You want to stick your head out just to spit at him. Even though you know it’s over, though, you refuse to reveal yourself. He’ll have to drag you out by your ankles, something that you know he has no problem doing. If you can’t escape, you can at least make this difficult for him. You sink further in to your spot, batting your lashes to blink away tears and rain drops.

You’re dirty, bloody, sweaty, and drenched in rain. You have scratches going up and down your waist, legs, and arms. The soles of your feet are red and covered in scrapes. You just want to be able to cry in peace, but you’ll hold your breath until you pass out if it means he won’t get the satisfaction of hearing you.

“Come out, kitty. It’s okay; you’re not in trouble.”

Liar. You know the second you’re back at that house, he’ll be grabbing at you and crushing you and making you say you won’t leave over and over until you lose your voice and he’s satisfied. You knew the risk of leaving, and you decided at the time that it was worth it—but that was before the storm came and slowed you down. Your lips and fingers are already blue. You couldn’t keep going. You can’t keep doing this. All you have the strength to do right now is sit in silence like a pouting preschooler who doesn’t want to leave the park yet.

Cloud crouches down by your shelter. You wiggle away from him, casting your eyes to the ground. He reaches past the thorny branches you’ve barricaded yourself with, not even acknowledging the thorns that scratch his arms and leave blood in fresh red lines.

“Come on out, kitty,” he urges, holding out his hand to you. His voice is soft now, gentle; it reminds you of when you first met Cloud. He had been rough around the edges and awkward, sure, but you thought you saw a good heart behind it all. Sometimes you still did, when you saw his eyes go soft as he stroked your hair or kissed bruises that formed when you bumped in to the counter—when he’d bring you treats from outside, reminders of the life he took from you, with a look in his eyes that implied a quiet regret that he couldn’t voice. Somewhere in him, that sweet boy with those big blue puppy dog eyes is reaching out for you, asking you to stay with him after he’s already lost so much.

You give in. You’ve never been able to resist him—not when his eyes go soft and he looks like you just broke his heart. You take his hand and crawl out from your spot, seeking new refuge in his warmth. Even in the icy rain, he still runs hot. He wraps his arms around you as you miserably shiver and sniffle. This was a terrible idea. You never should have left. It was pointless, and only ended with the both of you upset.

Cloud’s hand moves down to your waist, and you hiss when his fingers brush over your scratches. He murmurs an apology as he examines your wounds. They’re shallow, just plentiful.

“You didn’t run in to any monsters, right? No other injuries?” he asks, running his thumb over dried blood that crusted on your hip.

“No,” you mumble, staring blankly at your bruised knees.

“Good.” He continues to contemplate your scratches, rubbing small circles in to your thigh. “Why did you leave, kitty?”

The new nickname finally hits you. Even in the cold, you feel a little warmer from it. You supposed it’s fitting—back in the sector, you made nightly rounds in the neighborhood to give snacks to the strays. Your heart sinks a little, and the bitterness of your situation claws its way back up your throat. Sure, he’s being sweet now, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s keeping you captive. “I wanted to go home,” you spit, lifting your head to stare venom in to those stupid big eyes of his.

“This—”

“No!” You pound your fists against his chest, even though you know it barely does anything to him. “That is not my home! You are not my boyfriend! I want to go home to my friends, to the sector, to the cats and my neighbors!” Each cry is punctuated by another thump of your fists against his chest, and he takes it all without even a wince.

“Kitty, don’t—”

You won’t let him get a word in edgewise. “Take me home!” you demand, unleashing your fury in the form of a flurry of weak blows to his chest.

Finally, he responds to your pathetic attempt at a tantrum. He grabs your wrists and holds them together with an infuriating amount of ease. His eyes aren’t soft and sparkly anymore. He doesn’t have that pout that you fall for so easily. His gaze is hardened, sharp, and focused entirely on you as he throws you on to your back. You grunt when your back collides with mud and your hair is soaked by a puddle.

“Listen, kitty,” he snaps, giving a harsh yank to your flimsy shorts. You try to scramble away, but he pins you in place with just his weight. “This is home now. You can either make it easy on yourself and accept it or you can keep throwing your tantrums, but it won’t change a thing. There is nothing for you back there.”

Your top is ripped off, torn in two and discarded in the mud. He doesn’t seem to care one bit about the dirt and mud you’re in, nor about the puddle that you keep trying to lift your head out of. “Th-that’s not true,” you sputter, forcing your legs shut with all the strength you can muster. “My friends—our friends—”

“Do you really think anyone even noticed that you’re gone?”

You fall silent at this, mouth agape. You had considered the possibility that no one noticed or cared, or that they quickly forgot about you and brushed you off when you never came back. But you always held out hope that they remembered and looked for you.

“You were just another body to them,” Cloud mutters against your neck. He’s running his hands up and down your body, between your trembling legs, as though nothing is wrong and he isn’t saying horrible things in your ear. “I took you away from that. Give you a home and everything you need. Keep you warm and safe… and you fucking run away?”

Your legs are forced apart, and you feel like a hot poker is being shoved in to you. You weren’t prepared in the slightest, but that doesn’t stop him from pounding in to you.

“Cloud, stop!” you cry, trying to wriggle away from him as he sucks on his favorite spot on your neck.

“Quit moving around so much,” he grumbles, finally stopping the brutal pace of his hips. The relief you get is brief and nowhere near enough; Cloud stops just long enough to turn you on your stomach, before resuming the same pace. With your face now shoved in to the muddy puddle below, he can enjoy himself without you saying things like “no” and “this hurts.” You can only guess that this isn’t one of the days he enjoys it.

Even though you’re half-drowning and you can vaguely hear him hissing obscenities and complaints, he still shoves his hand between your legs and plays with your clit. And it still feels good, no matter how much pain you’re in. When this nightmare first started, Cloud had been awkward and inexperienced. With plenty of practice, however, he found each spot you enjoyed, and which way was the best to pleasure you. The kind of knowledge and familiarity you’d only expect to grant a partner. He knew every inch of your body; it was mapped out in his mind better than anywhere in Midgar.

And you hate it, even as the warmth builds up in your gut. He grabs you by your hair and lifts your head to let you take in another desperate gasp of air, before shoving your head back in to the mud. This isn’t like him. Even on the days you’ve been a brat and he’s come home angry from whatever the hell he faced out there, he’s at least been apologetic while brutalizing you. Frantically telling you “sorry, I’m sorry” as he fucks your throat without concern for your gag reflex or chokes you from behind as he tries to bury himself as deep as possible inside of you.

There are no apologies. The closest relief you have is the brief gasps he allows you to take, and it’s still nowhere near enough. Your eyes burn and are covered in a haze. You can feel the pressure inside of you building; the lack of oxygen only seems to make it more intense. He lifts your head just to hear you moan and sigh. He knows every sign of your orgasm—the shake of your leg, the way your core tightens, the feeling of you contracting around him.

“That’s it,” he breathes as you writhe in pleasurable misery. “Say my name, kitty.”

You obey without question. Whatever will get this over with—and his fingers away from your clit. “Cloud,” you whisper.

“Say ‘thank you, Cloud.’”

If it weren’t for the lack of oxygen and orgasm turning your brain to mush, you would have put up a fight. But there’s no point to it now. “Th—thank you, Cloud,” you manage to croak, struggling to speak past the hand around your throat and his increasingly frantic pace. You hear him groan against your ear.

“More,” he demands. His voice is breathy and agitated; he can’t tell you exactly what he wants to hear, but you can hazard a guess.

“Thank you for—f-for saving me,” you eke out, squeezing your eyes shut. The high of the orgasm is fading, replaced by pain from overstimulation and the tears he created inside of you. Still, you’ll savor the oxygen he’s letting you have. “Thank you for… f-finding me—I was lost and needed you.”

Of course that’s what he wants to hear. Another groan, and he rolls his hips against yours as you feel his cum spill out of you. Cloud rocks his hips against you as he rides out the last of the high; he wants to savor every last moment inside of you. You don’t dare complain. He’s letting you breathe, and the pain isn’t as bad as before, at least.

You fall back in to the mud when he releases you, your arms barely able to move in the clumsy motions you manage in a late attempt to catch yourself. You struggle to push yourself up and roll away from the puddle, panting as water drips from your face. You hurt. You want to cry. And you feel Cloud lifting you up by your arms.

“Let’s go home, kitty,” he says in that gentle, low voice. All malice is gone. The sadism that had been in his eyes just moments ago is gone, the only evidence of it being the mud on your skin and cum dripping down your thighs. “You can have a bath to warm up when we’re back. You should feel better then.”

You don’t fight when he sweeps you off your feet. You don’t fight when he rinses you off and sets you in a tub of warm water. And you just watch as he fixes the broken window, reinforces the bars, and boards them up to keep you from getting any more ideas. You’re tied up in a pile of blankets on the floor, his attempt at softening the reality of your confinement. You’ll be down in that basement for at least a week, until he decides it’s safe to let you out again. You should have known he’d keep his promise—he’d always come to your rescue.

[cfr749]

What’s your opinion on the Valentine’s Day storyline? specifically Tim being upset with Lucy and just how it was written in general?

Hi anon!

Thanks for the ask! I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you!

So I will admit my feelings have evolved a bit on this particular storyline especially in context of season 6 (which I am enjoying so far).

I'll start with my thoughts on the whole five-player-trade thing since those storylines were so intermingled (and apparently that whole thing is going to be the gift that keeps on giving 😂).

Side note: I still wish they would have just dealt with the repercussions of the whole TO/Rookie superior/subordinate thing directly instead of inventing all this sorcery when they could have just acknowledged the inherent misogyny and sexism they've already admitted exists.

We still could have had the cuteness of the group scene and all the plotting to find an opening for Tim without making Lucy out to be a manipulator.

But for whatever reason, they really didn't seem comfortable dealing with the power dynamic issues and repercussions head on, so now I guess we get to see Aaron try to date his therapist instead 😂😬

But at least it seems like they are trying to fix their framing this season by making it clear to the audience that Lucy is the one being wronged, so that's a good thing in my book even though it's hard to see her struggle.

So, after all that, you will be shocked to hear that I wasn't a huge fan of Lucy's choice to do the five-player-trade thing 😂.

I do understand why Tim was upset with her. I think doing what she did behind his back was a problem. Don't get me wrong, though -- they both failed majorly at adult communication 101 here.

Tim should have talked to her before he made the decision to switch positions. Had they discussed it, I don't think Lucy would have felt the same level of responsibility and pressure that she did to make sure Tim wouldn't be stuck in a role he hated. Mostly because she never would have agreed to him taking a desk position and they would have had to work together to come up with another solution. From there, the story could have unfolded very differently.

Tim made a choice behind her back that impacted their relationship, but only his career. Lucy went behind Tim's back and made a choice that ultimately impacted both of their careers.

But, at the end of the day, Tim 100% came out of the situation a winner. And Lucy is continuing to pay the price. As happy as I am that Tim finally acknowledged Primm's role in the outcome of Lucy's detective exam, I am actually pretty disappointed that we haven't seen any actual acknowledgement from him that Lucy is in the position she's in now specifically because she didn't want him to be unhappy.

Lucy's choices were her own, and now she's gotta live with that, but there's no question that she did what she did out of love. And it sucks that we haven't seen any direct appreciation for what she was willing to risk for him, even if he wasn't a fan of the execution.

I had to go back and watch some clips from this episode in order to respond to this, and I have to say it actually gutted me to see how genuinely happy and proud and excited Lucy was for Tim when he got the promotion. Especially juxtaposed against Lucy learning that as much as Tim loves her and wants to support her, he really isn't able to fully get behind her on her dream, which is, of course, understandable, given his past, but still just really heartbreaking for Lucy.

When I initially watched the five-player-trade episode, I was just waiting for Tim to pop up at Smitty's trailer in his own hazmat suit to help Lucy. I thought he would be a little irritated about Lucy going behind his back, but ultimately I though we'd see him acknowledging and appreciating just how much she was willing to do to make sure he was happy (forget torpedoing her career -- she cleaned Smitty's trailer for god's sake!).

Moving into the V-day episode...

First off, boo on Tim for bailing on V-day breakfast (even is she was up late catching up with Noah 😂).

Even though I understood why Tim was upset, I don't love avoidant Tim (looking at you, beginning of 6x02 Tim 😂). Lucy of course deals with it because she does genuinely love him and understands how he operates, but this is something I do think he needs to work on and I'd like to see change over the course of the relationship. As much as I loved their Rookie-T.O. dynamic, there are definitely aspects of it that don't belong in a healthy relationship.

Back to the point, I do think what Lucy did was misguided and short-sighted (and unbelievably sweet). I do think she should have actually apologized (sorry not sorry doesn't count 😂).

But, while we're at it, Tim can apologize for making a major life decision without talking to her first also... 😂

The scene at the end was cute; I like it better now than I did when it originally aired. Some actual heat over "fuel for later" would have been great but it is, of course, The Rookie. And I do wish they would have made the gift somehow meaningful for them to give the scene a little bit more weight (think when Jackson gave Lucy the St. Michael pendant), but hey, at least we got the trophy this season 🥰.

Ultimately, it didn't make me feel a whole lot, and it's not a scene that makes the list when I think of my favorite moments for them.

And watching it back did highlight (IMO) the contrast between what we've seen so far in season 6 vs. the bulk of what we saw in season 5. And while angst is part of it, for me, I think it's more about giving us a story that (at least occasionally) goes beyond the surface level (Tim was mildly irritated! Lucy was sassy and silly!) and explores the character's emotions in a way that makes them more human and relatable.

What were your thoughts on this storyline??

[vegasandhishedgehog]

What type of drunk I think KinnPorsche characters are based on having no drinking experience at all:

Porsche: We have canon for this. Slap happy silly booooyyy! He's a sweetheart and a romantic, if not rather irresponsible. Not a lightweight, but I wouldn't say he's a heavyweight either. Very fun though.

Kinn: We never seem to get drunk!Kinn, but I'm guessing he is a heavyweight. He'd probably just be irritable - too many noises and sensations demanding his attention. Put him to bed.

Vegas: I think it would be difficult to get him drunk just because he is always always always plotting shit and wants to remain sharp. Doesn't mind getting buzzed, of course, but drunk!Vegas is a rare Pokemon. When he does let it happen though, he's incredibly sentimental about everything and if you're anyone other than Pete or Macau, it is weird as hell.

Pete: Also have a canon for this! Our boy can party! He's just cute and silly, practically harmless. I imagine he doesn't care to drink too often (he hates the hangovers too much), but his loyalty as a friend gets the best of him most of the time and it happens more than he really likes. Certain mixes make him very flirty, though.

Macau: Just because he's young doesn't mean he hasn't tried a few. He is kind of reckless, veering into occasionally dangerous stunts, but mostly they remain among the idiotic.

Kim: Drunk crier 100%. This man has so many issues and you're going to hear all of them in detail and if you try to escape he will beg you not to leave. Will sing one heartbroken song (ha).

Porchay: Porsche is pretty good about keeping him away from alcohol but he's definitely snuck a few beers in here or there. There's relatively little change in his demeanor, he just is a few degrees more outgoing than usual. Sadly is the type to get stuck listening to Kim and probably forget Kim is actually crying over him.

Tankhun: Canon has established him as an absolute animal, need I say more?

Arm & Pol: Who let them out of the house? Why are they stripping? Why am I getting secondhand embarrassment?

Jom: He is your best buddy, he will steal the fucking moon for you, he is throwing an imaginary rope around it right now. Ride or die friend dialed up to 11.

Tem: Heartbreak Hotel is open; population: Tem. Sad cowboy emoji.

Time: This man is dangerous. He will fuck nearly everyone in sight if they let him. Needs to be locked up.

Tay: He may not look it, but he's almost as bad as Time, just sneakier and more guilt-ridden about it. He's also soooo supportive, he's the girl bestie you meet in the bathroom and he will absolutely tell you to break up with your shitty partner and not to respond to your ex. Wish he could apply that to himself.

Big: The last time he got drunk was a very long time ago where he might have done a few things with Kinn, but Kinn doesn't talk about it so he doesn't know for sure what happened. It kills him. Literally.

Ken: ANGERY AUSSIE. DO NOT ENGAGE. Makes the worst jokes and breaks stuff. Instigates a lot of pranks which are pretty mean but his targets are kind of deserving of it? Turns out he's a little justified most of the time, even if he goes about it in fucked up ways.

[actual-changeling]

i don't know why i had such an intense, visceral reaction to the last two episodes. I cannot get past "I don't think anyone's waiting for me" I just can't.

Ed was ready to leave the Revenge and, what, be alone? On a fucking island for the rest of his life?

But Stede came after him. Stede stayed for dinner. Stede stayed and Stede came back and followed him no matter how much Ed pushed and tried to get him to leave him again. I 100% understand why Ed reacted the way he did and it fucking broke me because I am him, I fully get the mental bullshit he is working through, all the complicated feeling he has towards Stede.

My therapist would say Ed has a child part in himself that never grew past that stage of being five, six years old, when you know that the horrors will not disappear if you close your eyes and hide under a blanket. But you hide anyway because it's the only thing you know how to do. The only thing that helps. Closing your eyes and praying that when you open them again, the world will be different.

And Stede was there, Stede did his fucking love confession and ripped by soul out by doing so, but it was exactly what Ed needed to hear. I know what you did and I still love you. You're still deserving of my life and I will never leave you again. Not just I was waiting for you but I was looking for you and now that I have found you, there is no place I'd rather be than with you.

I don't wanna get overly personal so I will refrain from adding more but there's an entire fucking essay I could write about "You wear fine things well". He echoes Stede's words back to him, telling him I understand you, I see you, we're on the same page. I can't tell you yet and we need time, but I love you.

They're learning to love each other in the way they need, it's soft and personal and silly, and Ed has finally found someone who not just takes what Ed has to offer but gives back just as much. Someone who fundamentally understands him and does not want to change him, he just wants him to be happy.

I am absolutely in awe at the way they are writing mental health issues and trauma this season. Never in my LIFE have I felt so seen and understood, and while it is opening all sorts of doors in my head and forcing me to confront and process some issues I'd rather completely forget about, it also offers hope, offers light.

This is, at its core, a romance story, and they are balancing this in such a talented way I don't think I will ever recover from it.

[oddbunny]

Found this Gael interview from 2006 in the comments section on another interview. Accidental rabbit hole.

2006 New York Post interview:

It's not for nothing that Gael Garcia Bernal was twice cast as revolutionary Che Guavara. The Mexican actor is as charismatic as he is outspoken - especially when it comes to issues concerning his native country.

He's also responsible for some serious box-office magic back home: 2001's "Y Tu Mama Tambien" was the biggest opening weekend ever for a Mexican film, and 2002's "The Crime of Father Amaro" was the most successful Mexican film in history (and possibly the most controversial - he played a secretly non-celibate Catholic priest).

Bernal is currently starring in director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's "Babel," alongside Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett, and was recently seen riding a stop-motion stuffed horse in Michel Gondry's fantastical film "The Science of Sleep."

Q: Mexican directors are hot right now. Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu made waves with "Amores Perros" and "21 Grams." Alfonso Cuaron did it with "Y Tu Mama Tambien." Is Mexico becoming a center for film?

A: There's definitely a worldwide sense that Mexican cinema is pretty big, or a bit "in fashion," right now. Latin cinema as a whole, really. There's this rebirth feeling. But this is nothing, for what the country deserves - Mexico is a country of 100 million people. The year "Amores Perros" was made, there were only six films made there! And this year, it's 65. So there's been a big increase.

But unfortunately, in Mexico, it's harder to make a movie, to even contemplate the idea of directing a film - not many people have the opportunity. I'm sure people from the mountains in Oaxaca find it so far away [from their reality] to do a film. And at the same time, it's exactly those kinds of voices that you want to hear.

If I had to stick with one reason why films matter, it's that: getting to know the "other," and finding that the other is not so different than you are. That's what I think of when I feel like I don't want to make movies anymore.

Q: You have moments when you want to get out of movies?

A: Yeah, I mean, sometimes you feel unprepared, you feel untalented, like you're doing something you don't like, or that you're just doing it terribly. Or you don't like the industrial side. But at the end of the day, there is always that thing. I want to do films because I am an audience first, and films have made me know more about the other - and that the other doesn't exist, really.

Q: Which is one of the points of "Babel." But some people, like the busload of U.S. and British tourists, come across worse than others, don't they?

A: Well, there's two points of view about this movie - you can see that, OK, the people from the U.S. are portrayed as scared people, really worried about health and dirt. But you can also see the other side: Why are the ones that die always from poor countries? We are always the ones that die.

Q: Your character in "Babel" makes pretty bad decisions after he's stopped by an aggressive cop at the U.S.-Mexican border. Have you, or someone you know, ever experienced anything like that?

A: My character makes a bad mistake in a drunken state. But yeah, when you're Mexican, it's a bit of a situation. You have to apply three months before, and it costs $80 for the visa. Sometimes you have to show bank statements to show you're earning money, you're not coming to the U.S. to work. It's kind of stupid - as if money was a sign of honesty, or goodwill. It's a rite of humiliation. They act as if you are coming here to steal.

Q: Is it easier for you to avoid this than most, though?

A: No, no - the last time I crossed the border, walking, I was asked, "Where do you come from?" And I'm like, "Well, I'm from Mexico." And they say, "No, where do you come from?" And I say, "I come from Mexico." I mean, what am I supposed to explain? And they say, "What were you doing in Mexico?" And I say, "Well, I live there." And they say, "No, but what were you doing right before you came here?"

I'm not gonna answer that. Because - you know, what do you care? We're radicalizing the process of integration, and that's terrible. Because it's going backward in time. But it's not just the U.S.'s fault - Mexico is shamefully not providing a place for people to work and live properly. It's everyone's fault.

Q: Did that experience make you want to avoid the U.S.?

A: No. I mean, we share the same territory! But Bush just signed off on the law to start building a wall. It's the second biggest wall that's ever going to be built, it's going to rival the Great Wall of China. And it costs so much money, and so much human resources. Maybe I'm stating the obvious here, but it's kind of ridiculous to build a wall. Walls are always destroyed eventually.

Q: Aside from acting, your production company organizes a worldwide traveling documentary film festival, Ambulante. Are you planning the 2007 festival yet?

A: Yeah, it's happening in 18 cities, on commercial screens, with a big chain - for half-price! Very cheap, it's like $2. And we're going to get together some 15-20 films, divided into three sections. One section we're calling "Dictator's Cut," which is about censorship. For one of those, we're showing both the "official" version and the real one; the rest are already restored, but some of them were completely not shown. It's very exciting.

Q: Your role in Michel Gondry's "The Science of Sleep" was one of your least political roles - was it fun to cut loose and just be weird?

A: It was great, it was a joy to act in. I had a lot of fun doing it. I think not many people have seen it here. Maybe because it was done in France? I mean, it's got good numbers, but still, I wish it would be much more.

There is still this myth - like, for example, I saw the trailer for [Mexican director Guillermo Del Toro's upcoming film] "Pan's Labyrinth," and they don't show you it's in Spanish. You never see a character speaking. I just think that's cheating, you know?

If they actually tell me that there's this weird Iranian love story - I want to see it, because it's in Iran. If it's about a love story in Florida, well, I've seen that before. I'm interested in the further-away, the more surprising.

Q: Do you ever worry that people will take you less seriously because of your looks?

A: [Laughs] No - there are prettier boys than me.

[soullessjack]

so one of my other problems with babyjack is that the fandom just seems to have this sort of collective cognitive dissonance about it, in almost any context or discussion. like this post as probably my only standing example (bc it’s the only one to have gotten traction), there are all these tags about how babyjack leads to bad dean criticism, or how it’s nice in aus but they want canon complex jack, and like I’m not entirely disagreeing with that, but it is so fucking frustrating that people are still ignoring the actual problem with it and either only focusing on the most surface level issues that personally affect them or their corner of the fandom, or making up some point of acceptability for it that frankly isn’t theirs to make.

it’s the autistic experience of our struggles never being seen or cared about until they become other people’s inconveniences, and our voices being used to say something else entirely. when the main takeaway of that post is how the fandom’s treatment of jack being in a way he’s explicitly shown to hate being treated directly mirrors autistic people’s struggle for autonomy in the real world, I really do not need you to make it about how it makes your golden website boy dean look like a big meanie pants, okay? that’s definitely a part of it, but it’s not at all what we are talking about, and it 100% should not be the only reason you care.

and especially when the other takeaway is how this is just a smaller scale issue that comes from autistic infantilization, the absolute last take I want to hear is that you find that infantilization acceptable as long it’s an AU or something else separated from canon. believe me, I’m beyond glad more people actually prefer canon complex jack—like, I don’t think you guys understand that that is legitimately a rarity to find here— but the thing about babyjack is that the concept itself is inherently ableist, and directly relies on his complexities (and the representation he means for us) being removed and erased so that he can even exist in the context of those AU’s. It feels very… ‘have your cake and eat it too’ to me.

I’m trying not to sound angry or accusatory, but I am also tired of having to force civility on a problem that’s pretty much just an open secret thar everyone collectively ignores and beats bushes around solely because they prioritize #domesticdestiel over all. I mean, do you guys even hear yourselves sometimes? Like half of it just boils down to “Autistic infantilization is always bad, except for this one context where it makes my ship look domestic and redeems my blorbo,” and it’s getting really fucking annoying to have to constantly explain something that is not only painfully easy to understand, but is understood and actively ignored, and still play nice so that somebody out there might listen.

So many people will say they like canon Jack and want more of him from the fandom, and I more than agree, but motherfucker you have a blog! You have the tools! Be the change you want to see! He doesn’t have to be your fav or your blog thesis blorbo, but if you want it, you are literally fully equipped to make it! Write some meta, draw some fanart, whatever. Better yet, you could even stop engaging with and perpetuating content that actively pushes down on what you want and, I must reiterate, is actively harmful and ableist. If you want domestic silliness go right ahead, but you don’t need to resort to ableism to do it.

I don’t think I’m asking too much or asking rudely, and frankly I don’t even think I owe niceties to anyone when it’s a problem that has been openly ignored for 6 years and holds plenty of bearing in the real world concerning my identity and community and shit we face constantly. Outside of our screens, we are constantly fighting for autonomy and recognition and representation, and even to be seen as people. Online spaces, especially fandom spaces, are a huge source of escapism and support that we wouldn’t get otherwise. So for the love of god, please stop bringing that fight here.