#dumbass takes on twitter I swear

[davilasinfiltro]

“Bad infantilizes himself”

Bad being a father figure to almost everybody he meets:

[lemonlover1110]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬

Satoru Gojo

[Chapter 19] Late Night Shenanigans

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Pairing: Satoru Gojo x f!Reader

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

“Satoru…” You look at him, and he looks back at you with the same confusion. Sayo takes the seat that’s next to Ren’s, leaving Satoru to take a seat next to you on the plane. He could sit literally anywhere else, but he won’t. There’s a lot to talk about anyway.

“Who are you?” Ren asks, his blue eyes wide as he looks at the pretty woman that sits next to him. Sayo smiles at him, unsure of how to introduce herself. She puts out her hand for Ren to shake.

“I’m Sayo. What’s your name, buddy?” She introduces herself, and you’re extremely confused with everything. Her reaction, or rather, lack thereof. Satoru never told you that she knew, but based on his reaction, he didn’t know that she knew either.

“I’m Ren.” He responds with a big smile on his face. He still doesn’t have an idea who Sayo is and why she’s here, but you two seem fine with it, so he’s fine with it. Perhaps she’s like Shoko, a friend of his mom’s.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Ren. I’m your dad’s friend.” Sayo answers, making you even more disoriented. Perhaps she doesn’t want Ren to ask too many questions about who she is, making Satoru’s job easier. Sayo’s eyes then fall on you, “Your son is so cute. He looks just like Satoru.”

“Uhm… Thank you.” You respond. How are you supposed to answer that? That’s Satoru’s wife, a woman who just found out that her husband has a son. Well apparently she didn’t just find out but anyway. There’s a lot of questions that you have to ask, but not in front of Ren.

“You know this is a business trip, right? You can’t–” Satoru begins, making Sayo roll her eyes. She knows this isn’t a business trip, she isn’t a dumbass.

“I’ll stay away, just want to enjoy the beach and relax. Away from everyone.” She says. She gets comfortable in her seat since it’s going to be a long flight.

Ren’s first flight goes smoothly, so much so that he swears he wants to grow up and be a pilot. You wonder how long it’ll last though since last week he wanted to be a firefighter. You managed to nap on the plane so you’re thankfully not too tired when you get to your destination– Plus you avoid the awkward situation that you were put in thanks to Sayo joining your trip.

“Woah!” Ren looks around amazed at the beach house when he steps inside. He’s been inside his grandma’s home many times but for some reason, the much smaller beach house impresses him more. Of course, it’s still pretty big, but nothing compared to Satoru’s childhood home. Satoru chuckles, holding Ren’s hand as Ren begins to look around the place. 

“The bedroom is over there, if you want to unpack and whatnot.” Sayo points to the door. “It’s the master bedroom though. I’m not sure of the arrangement you have with Satoru, but I’m sure he wants you to have the master bedroom.”

“Thank you.” Your voice is weak when you speak, embarrassed and awkward because of this situation. She begins to walk to the stairs but you call out her name before she can get too far, making her stop in her tracks. “Did he tell you?”

“He didn’t. But I have my ways of knowing.” She answers, and you begin to chew on the inside of your cheek since another question lingers in your mind. 

“Aren’t you upset?” You ask her, and a laugh escapes her lips. 

“I don’t care for Satoru as much as you think, honey. I’m surprised he hasn’t talked to you about our arrangement.” She says, which leaves you dumbfounded. You’re speechless, and after standing awkwardly for a minute or so, she decides to go upstairs. 

“Arrangement? What arrangement?” You whisper, walking over to the bedroom that’s on the first floor to unpack. You come to a stop when Ren calls out to you.

“Mommy! Did you see the view!” He yells, and you chuckle as he runs up to you. He’s dragging his father along with him. Ren grabs your hand, and leads the two of you to the big windows that give you a view of the beautiful beach. “Can we go now?”

“The sun is beginning to set, Ren. We can go really early tomorrow.” You say, watching as the sky turns a pinkish color. Ren doesn’t just want to walk along the shoreline, he wants to swim in the water and play in the sand, and it’s too late for that now. It doesn’t help that you’re tired. You know that tonight he’ll be so excited that he won’t be able to sleep, but that’ll make your job all that easier because at the end of the day, he’ll be falling asleep in your arms.

You watch as Satoru pouts as well, but he isn’t going to argue with your decision. Ren looks up at his dad, hopeful that Satoru will do something. But Satoru just ruffles Ren’s hair. Satoru then proceeds to ask, “What do you want for dinner, bud? We can eat whatever you want.”

“Is Sayo going to join us?” You ask, and Satoru shakes his head. His next words just confirm to you that their dynamic is… Weird enough for a husband and wife. Perhaps it should’ve come to your mind when you saw the man making sex eyes to his old secretary, and after he kissed you.

“I don’t want her to.”

Ren was given his own room to sleep in, yet, he chooses to sleep in your bed. You never knew that someone so small could take up so much space, but Ren always has you on the edge of the bed, about to fall off. It’s something that makes Satoru cracks up when he walks into the bedroom to find you nearly on the floor because Ren takes up so much space. He wonders how you’ve managed to fall asleep. Satoru picks up Ren from the bed, carrying him out.

“Daddy?” Ren slowly opens his eyes, feeling how he’s being carried out of bed. Ren wonders what’s happening since he sees it’s still dark out. He feels Satoru kiss his temple, as they walk outside.

“We’re going to the beach, baby.” Satoru answers. It’s very late so they won’t be able to do much, but Satoru wants to let Ren at least play in the sand a bit. He’s been thinking about Ren’s pouty face, disappointed that he had to wait the whole entire day. He doesn’t know why he’s been just thinking about how disappointed Ren was, and it was keeping him awake. “Just for a bit, okay? We’re spending the whole entire day tomorrow here, so I don’t want you to get tired of the beach.”

“I won’t get tired.” Ren reassures his father, making Satoru chuckle. They’re still not staying for too long, he doesn’t want you to wake up and find out that Satoru has taken Ren out. Satoru realizes he forgot to grab a pair of shoes for Ren before walking out but he’s not too worried. It’s just sand, the only worry about it is that it gets everywhere. Satoru crouches down, rolling up Ren’s long pajama pants before the little boy runs to the shore. 

“How’s the water? Is it cold?” Satoru asks as he takes off his own shoes to join his son. 

“It’s warm.” Ren answers, and Satoru quickly verifies it as his feet touch the water. He grabs Ren’s hand before he goes in too deep into the water. Ren ends up taking a seat on the water, and Satoru bites down his lip, running a hand through his hair. He did not expect the child to take a seat in the water and ruin his pajamas. There’s absolutely no way that they won’t get caught now.

Ren begins to splash the water, and Satoru isn’t as stressed. It’s worth it to see Ren happy like this. Plus, he can do just about anything with Ren, after all, Satoru is his father. Satoru smiles, sitting down on the water as well, joining his son. His pajama pants gets completely soaked but he doesn’t mind. Satoru smiles, seeing how much fun Ren is having, “Are you having fun, Ren?”

“Yeah!” He exclaims. And for some reason, as Satoru stares at Ren, it dawns on him that this is something he has longed for– Sure, he’s thought about it, but reality really sets in. This is what he has really wanted for so long, and he finally has it. From you nonetheless. 

A sudden happiness consumes him. He has been happy, he was the happiest he could be when he found out about his son but it just hits him how lucky he is. His little baby boy from the woman he’s loved the most. Satoru picks up Ren from the water, kissing his son’s cheeks then proceeding to kiss all over his face, holding him high as Satoru lays down, completely getting wet.

“Daddy!” Ren squeals, followed by a giggle. It’s the best sound in the world. He’s missed so many years of this but he tries not to think about it, he has time to make it up. Ren is not even five yet, he has a whole life ahead of him. A whole life where Satoru gets to love him.

Satoru puts him down on his chest, hugging him tightly. Satoru appreciates the moment, lifting his head a bit to look at his son’s white hair, and laying back down to look at the stars in the sky. He has the biggest grin on his face. When was the last time he was this happy?

“I love you, Ren.” Satoru says.

“I love you too.” Ren answers. Satoru relaxes with the sound of the waves as they hit the shore, his eyes slowly getting heavier and heavier. He guesses he should let Ren go because he isn’t doing anything while in Satoru’s arms, but Satoru notices that Ren has fallen asleep. 

A sheepish smile comes to his lips, kissing the top of Ren’s head before muttering, “My baby boy.”

Satoru stands up, and just as he turns to walk back to the house, he hears your voice. You’re still in your pajamas, a hand on your hip, shaking your head in disappointment. Satoru feels his face get hot as he walks over to you.

“Sorry, I–” He begins, but you cut him off. 

“There’s no need to apologize, Satoru. He’s your son too, you’ve allowed to do stuff with him.” You say, taking a seat on the sand. Satoru doesn’t know exactly what you’re doing, but he follows your lead. “I would’ve appreciated if you would’ve told me. I woke up a little scared when Ren wasn’t next to me.”

“I’m sorry.” Satoru chuckles. You look over at Ren, who sleeps soundly in his fathers arms. You see he’s wet, and you know he had the time of life. Satoru bites down on his lip before asking, “So… What are we doing now?”

“The sun is going to rise soon. It’s late– Or really early. Depends on how you look at it.” You answer. Satoru didn’t really look at the time when he got Ren, and he certainly lost track of time with Ren. “You can go back inside.”

“No, it’s fine. I want to watch the sunrise with you.” Satoru responds. You both sit in silence, watching the horizon for the first bit of sunlight to appear, but time seems to slow down. Both of your hearts beat fast, as if they were going to beat out of your chest.

“So… Sayo told me that you have an arrangement. Do you want to talk about it?” You speak up, the question bugging your mind. You’re not sure when you’ll have a moment where you’re semi-alone again.

“Not right now, really.” Satoru says, not wanting to ruin the moment now. He misses when the first bit of light graces the sky, his eyes focused on you. He knows he shouldn’t… But he leans in to press a kiss on your cheek, which catches you off guard since your eyes are elsewhere.

“What was that for?” You ask. You’re a little too happy about it, but you shouldn’t let it happen

“For our son.” 

“You have a wife, and even if you didn’t, our relationship has been long gone, Satoru.” You remind him.

“Just a thank you kiss, nothing else.”

[captainzigo]

Hi everypony!

My kofi is ko-fi.com/captainzigo if you enjoy my art, consider leaving me a tip! this is otherwise entirely a labor of love so,,,

you can also send a request with your tip! but if you choose to do so, please read the disclaimer later on in this post** for the foreseeable future, any tips I receive will be donated to vetted Palestinian fundraisers. I will send you the receipt if you want me to. 

my non-art blog, where i accept asks is @snapewife-divorce-lawyer and my reblog-spam blog is @3amgaypotion

that's a bunch of pictures of my oc(/ponysona) Prickly Pear. she's a cowgirl

Frequent/noteworthy questions below the break

**on donations made to me:

i still dont take commissions currently, but if you send a request with a donation, there's a 99% chance i'll do it. and that remaining 1% i'll probably just ask you for a different request. if you send me a request with a donation you are not sending me a commision. you are making a donation, and i might do you a favor as a result. you do not own the resulting art. and I am under no obligation to complete it or to do it in the way that you like. you do not need to make a donation in order to make a request. i talk more about it here

hello mutuals!

If you are a mutual, DM me for an invite to discord server and subsequently to minecraft server

on sending me asks:

any asks you send me should be like Strongbad emails. one paragraph. no attachments. unless you are sending me refs.

in any interactions, please keep in mind that i am a stranger on the internet and act accordingly.

unless I have explicitly said otherwise, you can safely assume that I do not count you amongst my friends. it is nothing personal, it is in fact the opposite.

why am i like this?

i am autistic. i say this because representation matters, but also because i would like to ask that you please be very frank with me. i don't even really need your patience. just say what you mean and we will get along fine.

can you draw my ocs?

you most certainly can draw any of my ocs. i'd love that acually. tag me

on (re)posting my art:

do not post my art on other platforms. do not repost my art period. I don't really exist on other platforms since i deleted Twitter. So if you see my stuff on other platforms, it's not me.

transformative works are obviously allowed, at least here in america where i live. but if you want my blessing, please keep them SFW, and try to keep the spirit of the original artwork

is my blog SFW?

im in my twenties. i keep my blog SFW (as i define it) as a strict rule.

i do not consider the fact that sex exists, that some people enjoy it, or some innuendo to be NSFW. i also do not consider swearing, even as tho a sailor might, to be NSFW.

are NSFW interactions ok?

in short: no. while i have no aversion to to that sort of thing, and often actually enjoy it, i keep this blog SFW. the intention behind my art is to be SFW even when it might be skirting the line. in general, and especially, specifically with mlp, i do not wish to have NSFW interactions on the internet. please respect this boundary.

on shipping:

in my opinion, all romance real or fictional should be between people who are similar in age, doing age appropriate things, not closely related, and all with mutual consent. i am not interested in witnessing or interacting with anything outside of these parameters.

on my blue hair and pronouns:

i am a trans woman. i am also bisexual. i am also poly and demi since im listing things. i am out online becasue i know how important it is to know that you aren't alone.

do i take constructive criticism?

NO 🖕👹🖕 FUCK YOU!!!!!!! GET BLOCKED IDIOT!! unless you are a marginalized person who feels i have unintentionally made you uncomfortable somehow with my art or otherwise. in that case i am sorry and you do me a great favor by calling me out. OTHERWISE FUCK YOU DUMBASS IF YOU DONT LIKE MY ART GO DRAW YOUR OWN 🖕🖕🖕🖕

“i hate bronies”…

i don't necessarily hate you if you self identify with that label. i like to make myself off-putting to keep creeps away. i talk about it more in this post: https://www.tumblr.com/captainzigo/744131513208176640/when-i-say-i-hate-bronies-in-my-header-its

brony?

i don't hold a lot of nostalgia for old brony stuff. infact it's quite the opposite. i was a child when the show came out, and more than that i was a girl. i am not a brony.

do i like g5?

i like all generations of mip including the new stuff. gen 4 is just the one i grew up with

why is my header aurora, bori and alice from the best gift ever?

well that would be because i hate them like a mother hates a child. like the sun hates the moon. like sickly victorian child hates the slightest morsel of bread.

on flurryheart:

i often draw stuff about cozy glow x flurry heart. this is with the understanding that cozy glow spends about a decade turned to stone. nullifying the age gap.

🤓☝️ i think you mean effect, not affect

i am dyslexic. i spell stuff wrong all the time and i type weird. please don't bother correcting me. wooptydoo your brain is wired normally. sending you a medal.

on my username:

i've had the same username since i debuted on the internet. zigo is the name of an oc i made that i dont really talk much about anymore. zigo is a fine enough nickname, and at least one person calls me that irl.

[phxntomsdusk]

Flying out - Will x GN!reader

summary: flying out to see your boyfriend on tour<3

warnings: light swearing - (just song lyrics)

tags: @ax-y10 (ask for be added)

word count: 691

With Will being on tour again, your home was very lonely and quiet. You would scroll through Twitter, TikTok, anything, just to see him perform.

Sure, you had been to a good amount of his shows already, but only in the UK. You hadn’t gone to the States with him yet, and it was agonizing.

You decided to take matters into your own hands, texted his bandmates privately, and made plans to fly out to his next location in Arizona. Unfortunately, you had never been to the state, so it was all new to you.

Joe and Mark were mostly planning with you, making sure to keep Will distracted enough so he wouldn't call you and disrupt the plan.

It did take a while, yes, but it was 100% worth it!

Joe has told you a hotel nearby for you to get a room at for the day, even met you there so he could sneak you into the venue.

Mark hid you backstage in the small storage closet, which allowed you to hear everything going on around you. Most importantly, your boyfriend.

“Guys, just let me call them, please? It’s been all day,” he whined towards the others, earning a quiet giggle from you that he thankfully didn’t hear.

“Not yet, will. we go on in a few minutes!” You could tell Joe and Mark were trying their best not to laugh as they ushered for him to go onto the stage. Mark quickly visited you, telling you exactly when to make your great appearance.

The plan was simple. During the bridge of call me what you like, you’d pop out as he’s screaming about how he’s a dumbass. It was simple yet a great joke you had come up with late at night while planning with Joe.

The music was amazing from so close, that you had snuck up to the side and listened contently, his voice was mesmerizing as always, even better when performing in front of such a large crowd.

And then it started. The song began to play.

Yoir nervousness only built up more, seeing Mark look at you from the corner of his eye and giving you a subtle thumbs up.

You could hear the large crowd practically screaming every word along with Wil, and of course, as it got closer to the bridge, the anticipation only grew. he grabbed the mic off the stand, walked towards the edge, and loudly shouted.

“This just in; I am a total fucking dumbass!!”

As soon as you heard the words you rushed out on stage, throwing your hands in the air and pointing towards him. “Yes you are!” Was all it took for him to quickly snap his head in the opposite direction, staring at you with a look of disbelief.

He stumbled over his words and continued the song, still looking over at you with wide eyes and a smile. The crowd reacted almost the same, screaming your name at you’re entry.

Joe playfully ushered you backstage again, to wish you quickly went to wait out the rest of the show.

It was a painful few more minutes of waiting, sitting on an empty chair as you heard Will say bye to the crowd and run towards you. He picked you up in his arms, squeezing you tightly and hiding his face in your shoulder.

“I missed you so much. when did you get here? how did you get here? did they know?” His words were rushed and he was clearly out of breath as he spoke, still wearing the same look of disbelief and shock.

“Okay, calm down, I missed you too. I got here this morning. I flew over with the help of Joe and Mark.” You amiled as he stared at them with an offended look, before scoffing and turning back towards you.

He rolled his eyes and leaned down to meet your lips in a kiss, one that the both of you needed after not seeing each other for so long. “I love you,” he mumbled against your lips, before pulling away and smiling at you.

“I love you too.”

[luvrrgirl444]

chapter 9: isn’t she beautiful

IRL, INSTAGRAM & TWITTER!

about an hour or two later, you and your friends had finally arrived back to your shared home. once arriving home, you immediately made your way to bedroom, not before giving each of your best friends a goodbye kiss on the cheek.

as soon as you closed your bedroom door, you facetime called eren. you threw your ringing phone onto your bed and started to look for something more comfortable to wear.

“hello?” the deep accented voice flowed through the phone, into your ears.

you smiled. “hold on! i’m changing,”

you put on some hello kitty sweats, along with a plain baggy tshirt. you grabbed your phone and looked at the guy displayed on your screen.

“hi” you said while grinning.

“hey” he replied back.

you walked into your bathroom and placed your phone onto the counter.

“i’m so tired.” you sighed, taking your pink headband and putting it on.

“what’s got you so tired?” he asked. “was it the car ride?”

you nodded and reached for your face cleanser. you squeezed some of the product onto your hand and started to rub it into your face.

“those two are children, i swear.” you said with an eye roll.

“what about you?” you continued, “how are you feeling?”

he sighed. “i’m alright. a bit stressed, but talking to you is making me feel better.”

you looked to the camera and gave him an ‘are you serious?’ look before rolling your eyes and laughing.

“you’re so fucking corny.”

he smiled widely, displaying his pearly smile. “you tell me that all the time.”

you turned on your sink and washed the cleanser off.

“am i boring you?” you asked with a quirk of your eyebrow.

he shook his head. “quite the opposite actually. i like watching you put all of that different shit on your face.”

you jokingly gasped. “it’s called skincare, you dumbass.”

since it was the end of the week, you decided to do a face mask. you picked up your two favorite ones and shoved them into the camera.

eren got the hint and chose one, and watched as you opened it and applied some to your face with a brush.

the way he watched you apply your face mask like it was the most interesting thing in the world was enough to make butterflies erupt in your stomach.

“it’s not really that interesting, y’know.”

“but you’re doing it. so i’m interested.”

you rolled your eyes and continued applying until your whole face was covered.

“okay, how do i look?” you asked him, while posing.

“beautiful.” he said before taking a screenshot.

“i’m gonna fucking kill you.”

🫧

- i suck at writing moments w just eren and y/n but they r so cute im jealous

taglist !! : @greeniegreengreen @hahaimnotdeadyet @bakuhoes-bxtch @itzgabz22 @princess-jaeger @marsandsaturn @violenthots @urlovemaze @conniesbbymama @llovergirlll @iheartamajiki @444yeager @liliorsstuff-blog @hoohoohope

[katasstrophy]

which guy in bllk (tumblr link btw) (my money is on the itoshi bros)

NONNIE THE WAY YOU MADE ME LET OUT THE MOST UNATTRACTIVE SNORT IN PUBLIC THERE ARE ACTUAL TEARS IN MY EYES thank you for blessing me with this most important piece of knowledge 🙏🙏🙏

out of the itoshi bros my money is a hundred thousand precent on rin are you kidding this man is wholly made out spite and just the right amount of pettiness 😩🤚 he’s fluent in english so i feel like he wouldn’t have any trouble picking up on all the swears other teams aim at him unlike his dumbass teammates LMFAO and then like the little shit he is he bides his time until he has an arsenal of curse words memorized in like 47 different languages just for the sake of throwing it back at those who “wronged him” PLS HE’S SO DRAMATIC i love him

for sae…. hmmm🤔 i’d love to jump on the bandwagon that he learned spanish due to all the years he was abroad but it’s LITERALLY CANON LIKE,,,, SAE SAID SO HIMSELF THAT his greatest weakness is that he doesn’t know anything besides football and that is simply comedy gold i CANNOT IGNORE!!!! everyone views him as japan’s greatest treasure - this cool and aloof soccer prodigy worth an incomprehensible amount of money but in reality he takes taxis everywhere bc he doesn’t have a drivers license and has to pay his dietitian extra to prepare his meals bc at 23 years of age he still doesn’t know how to boil a pot of rice iM CACKLING. learning a whole ass different language???? forGET ABOUT IT never gonna happen. (i also feel like he just… wouldn’t care enough?? to “waste his time” doing smth like that yk? but you bet ur ass he’s cussing up a storm behind his deadpan face if ur annoying him LOL)

some honorable mentions!!!

shidou - he sticks to cursing in japanese but he looks so dead serious and terrifying getting all up in people’s faces it’s all the rival teams can do not to go home bawling their eyes out this man is FERAL!!!! there’s a whole twitter account with a 120k+ following dedicated to ‘candids of shidou ryusei verbally attacking people’ and it’s entirely made up of players looking like they’re about to shit their pants.

reo - of fucking course the resident billionaire nepotism baby grew up learning all the fancy rich languages. he’s usually very composed on the field, but when someone pisses him off real bad he just casually drops the nastiest string of words you’ve ever heard in your life under his breath then walks away as if nothing happened 😇 his opponents are flabbergasted - a perfect depiction of the surprised pikachu meme - wondering if that actually happened or they’re just having a fever dream (it’s always the first)

karasu and otoya - they’re the idiot duo with two collective braincells you cannot convince me otherwise I LOVE TJEM SM. otoya was full on cheering on shidou and rin while they were having a fist fight ofc he’d be down to learn cuss words in different languages to terrorize other players FOOUUUL karasu needs zero convincing he’s a menace. only problem is that they use GOOGLE TRANSLATE as their super reliable source and bc they think they can do no wrong they don’t even make the app sound out the words for them they just roll with their own pronunciation. they’re swearing on the field with their whole chest puffed out entirely too proud of themselves meanwhile the other players are so confused like??? are they having a stroke help???

[annikasevenshots]

Star Trek Picard: Season 3 Episode 3 Reaction (spoilers!)

* Bev being a grounding force for Jack like yes she is so MOTHER

* "goddamn back window" IM SORRY THID IS SO FUNNY LIKE. the viewscreen won't work so you just look out the mf built in window 😭

* whose idea was it to have a viewscreen instead of a window anyway 💀

* WHY ARE THEIR SKINS SMOOOOOOTH IT'S GIVING ODO DEADASS 💀💀💀

* my dad actually sent me a pretty emotional text about that fatherhood scene 🥹

* I wish we'd gotten to know Thaddeus :(

* TROI CAMEO TROI CAMEO TROI CAMEO TROI CAMEO <3 <3 <3

* Wait if Thad was born on the Titan mayhaps we could see him in LWD? As a babbby??? 🥺🥺🥺

* Ngl Shaw knowing when to relieve his crew to get rest, I respect that

* LITTLE VOY

* SEVEN FIXING THING SEVEN FIXING THING SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN

* BABY LA FORGE BABY LA FORGE BABY LA FORGE BABY LA FORGE

* SHE'S 100% COMING TO THE SPINOFF IF I SAY SO MYSELF

* also didn't shaw say seven earned her post back after finding jack last episode? what are they mf doing

* "This sounds rehearsed" SHES SO MEAN PLEASE SEVEN I WOULD REHEARSE A SPEECH IF I HAD TO SPEAK IN FRONT OF HER TOO

* me rehearsing my hellos in line to meet jeri ryan at london comic con like

* THE TITAN THEME PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND??? JUST SO GENTLY????? FUCK WHAT YALL ARE SAYING ABOUT SHAW THE TITAN IS SEVEN'S CREW <3

* COMMANDER SEVEN 📣📣📣

* "go rest, ensign" god i wish someone would tell me to go rest

* HER FOND HEADSHAKE PLEASE

* Bev being a doctor 🥺

* JACK BEING A DOBERMAN GUARD DOG AND FOR WHAT

* Honestly seeing Bev back in Sickbay again is just. Seeing Dr Beverly Crusher is just. Is just is just is just.

* FACE ACTING 📣📣📣 these people are masters of their craft i swear

* "A perfect day on borrowed time" that is actually so beautiful

* the fifth time 🤡🤡🤡 JL was keeping track and for WHAT

* guys omg,,, they bonked. they fucking bonked and they're making me think about it while staring at two geriatric people

* GATES MCFADDEN SLAY

* that is actually so well acted that's such a SLAY.

* Picard: I never want a family

* Bev: okay i'll respect that

* Picard: no not like that >:(

* See I keep forgetting that this series is actually called Star Trek Picard because everyone keeps overshadowing him. I'm so sorry PatStew these girlies are girlbossing so close to the sun

* Bev really wasn't wrong though

* "All to the same stars that own you" GUYS WHY IS THE WRITING SO 🤌🤌🤌

* i'm actually surprised at how well That Part of the fandom is coping with a secret son arc given the fact that they were furious about michael being spock's half sister. but then again 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

* "He's not Dad" HE'S DADDY 🤡👍

* The way those officers passed SO SLOWLY BETWEEN RIKER AND JACK I MEAN SAME I'D WANT ALL THE HOT GOSSIP LIKE👂

* "I owe this ship's captain an apology" bitch you owe SEVEN an apology actually be serious

* Oh my god they actually had someone standing guard at a mf WINDOW this show is so unserious

* Jesus christ Shaw

* Okay but Shaw knowing when to take a step back? I honestly respect that. That's what a good leader is about.

* EPIC TITAN FIGHT THEME sorry i will never shut up about the music

* On the note of music, KLINGON OPERA 📣📣📣

* Someone on Twitter noted that Raffi was holding a phaser very similar to Seven's Fenris Ranger one in S2 and I can't take my mind off of that like this show is so crazy detailed

* CHAMOMILE TEAAAAAA <3

* Me running to the grocery store to get chamomile tea because i want something to remind me of raffi and merchandising is shit with star trek

* Seriously just sell Worf's chamomile blend you'd make so much bank

* The red light imagery when Worf says "I have learned to access calm as well as fire" WOAHHHHHHHHHHH

* Raffi being like "I TOLD YOU THAT BITCH" and Worf being like you dumbass 🥰👍

* Actual ideal dynamic

* OH MY GOD RAFFI that speech. "My life, my family, my sobriety" FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

* Worf calling her Raffaella 😩🤌 actual top tier

* Raffi's like 👁️🤡🫴😩👉🙄🤔😤... 🆒

* Seriously Bev is such a soothing doctor, I love her so much

* Jack taking after her footsteps as well

* BEV KNOWING WHAT SHE'S DOING I LOVE HER SM ACTUALLY

* "How does she keep finding us" Shaw is actually big brained? Kinda? Like I can see Shaw as a Captain like he's Captain Brained

* The Shrike is actually so cool I'm ngl

* "She's pulled us deeper into the nebula" no? she just dragged you around the corner pls 💀

* Feeling silly goofy wanna run away and start a nightclub in District 6 of Mtalas Prime

* PLEASE RAFFI AND WORF ARE SO SIBLING CODED

* KEEP SQUABBLING MY LOVES I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MHCH

* "I told you to stay back" "It is not in my nature to stay back" THEY ARE BOTH EXACTLY THE SAME I SWEAR TO GOD

* "You look inconspicuous in that hood" "Says the Klingon in warrior gear" "It is casual" THEYRE SO UNSERIOUS

* "I'm glad to see you are feeling better" "I'm not😤" why is raffi so funny

* "Beheadings are in wednesdays" STOP BEING FUNNY MY MENTAL HEALTH CANT HANDLE THIS 😭😭😭

* SEVEN BEING UNFAZED "you're insane 🤷🏻‍♀️" WHY IS SHE HILARIOUS

* SEVEN OF NINE PLEASE KICK ME LIKE THAT

* the way i know jeri ryan asked to have a scene where they had to put on masks /hj

* "Hansen to bridge" breaks my heart every time

* RAFFI YOU CAN TAKE MY FINGERNAILS ANY TIME WHATEVER MAKES YOU HAPPY ♥️♥️♥️

* "I think I feel my chamomile tea coming back up" SHE DRANK WORF'S TEA ♥️♥️♥️

* oh my god the way raffi So gently sniffs the drug

* THAT MONOLOGUE. STEP. ON. ME. RAFFI. MUSIKER.

* RED IMAGERY??????

* YES!!!!!!!! SEVEN TO THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TO THE BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Ohhh now I see why it's called 17 seconds

* Dr Ohk is so baby I want to be her actually

* Is Beverly using the samsung tricorder they used last season

* That LOOK. TATTOO THIS ON ME

* WHY IS MICHELLE HURD SUCH A TOP TIER ACTRESS GODDAMNIT

* GOO MAN??????? MAN GOO GOO MAN GOO???????? GOO MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

* Being a father is making Picard make bad decisions I'm ngl

* Ooooh Raffi and Worf headed to Daystrom 👀 Will they meet La Forge and La Forge Jr I wonder?

* THE WAY THE PORTAL SHOOTS THEM BACK IN THE ASS IS SOOOOOOO COOL

* also how did none of them predict this they know the portal weapon exists

* me when i forget the enemy has reflect damage on when i game lmao rip titan

In conclusion I ate bread while watching this

[amarathegreatintelligence]

[ a bit of a ramble by a very tired tolys since i'm tired but i can't sleep ]

[ idk i'm just typign with my eyes closed at this point because the bright white of the beta editor is hurting the hell out of my eyes right now. ]

[ i'm so incredibly sleepy but I can't sleep at the sam etime, when i first tried logging into Tumblr the damn site wasn''t working so then I went to twitter and. you all have to know who Kanye "Ye" West is at this point. the dumbass leaked his kids' school;s name just so they'd be taken out and brought to his school... which is stupid. I don't know where the post is anymore but apparently they don't even fucking teach history at that school. I can't believe their are children that attend that school. it's not even accredited, so colleges probably couldn't even accept a student that "graduated" from that school which honestly... i feel bad for the kid and more so concern for the parents.. like we're talking about the same guy that supports some orange fucko, has a line of clothes that says WLM which is a whole nother issue but I actually hate him so much and honestly good on Kim for not saying anything about it either other than hiring more security because Ye's just digging himself an early legal grave... sigh. Man has so many mental problems and it pains me that with the amount of money he probably makes in a day could pay off so much stuff for us. Weekly therapy, all of our meds that we have to take, doctors appts. like he could be using that money and the resources he has to help better himself as a person and get the help he needs and he spends it on building a school that you don't fucking learn in. I have very strong opinions about the American Education system. actually i can go on about that, but after I finish talk about Kanye. Schools are a place you're meant to learn in and the fact that you AAAAAAA Kanye is an enigma at this point and he frustrates me. fuckin rich folk and their ability to do whatever they please. i swear the only reason I listen to his music still is because spotify doesn't give their artist's enough fucking money. then again, i don't even listen to his new shit, I miss the days when we were younger and got to listen to Stronger on the radio and us liking it simply cuz it sampled Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger by Daft Punk... sigh... I'd say the good old days but my own existence is proof enough it's not exactly *good* old days. ]

[Anyways, I don't like the American Education system for a variety of reasons but the main one stems from their lack of care towards students with IEPs/504s otherwise neurodivergent students and also how... white-tified it is. though i think that's another vent as I'm finally getting really tired again. good night ]

[ oh good on me. not a lot of spelling errors. and that's on having the keyboard practically memorized. ]

[wxshing-aep]

Press, Press, Press, Press, Press (pt 4)

Andrew Garfield x famous! reader

One Rule Series

In which y/n and Andrew are partnered together for press tour ft. the Wired autocomplete interview and reading thirst tweets

rating: pg 13 (swearing, sexual innuendos, thirst tweets, flirty banter, super obvious dumbasses in love)

all characters are 18+,  reader is 20 Andrew is 21

a/n: not proofread so excuse the typos and again feel free to reply or send in asks for and requests or suggestions for andrew and costar! y/n storyline!

previous chapter

It was safe to say that people loved the show. ‘This is the Life’ was trending number one on netflix and had only been out for about 48 hours. 

E!NEWS: Mindy Kaling’s This is the Life shatters Netflix’s 24 hour streaming record!

The hot new drama/ comedy series follows the lives of seven main characters as they navigate through their college experience. A group of 7 main college students: Hannah Harding played by Hunter Schafer, Liz Colson played by Florence Pugh, Ashlynn ‘Ash’ Davis played by y/n y/l/n, Iris Greene played by Zendaya, Harry Kingston played by Tom Holland, Josh Wright played by Timothee Chalamet,  and Max Warner played by Andrew Garfield, attempt to conquer young adulthood in this refreshing new series. Click to read more!

Related articles:

Which ‘This is the Life’ character are you? Take the quiz to find out!

Every wild This is the Life fan theory and Season 2 predictions

Love in the Air? Are costars y/n y/l/n and Andrew Garfield hollywood’s next it couple?  Here’s what we know so far

You had to turn off your phone notifications due to the massive surge of new followers. You’d been in other projects before but never one this big and all your social media accounts had absolutely blown up overnight and you were now verified. The show had been trending on twitter and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find them to be wildly entertaining. 

Trending in United States

1. #ThisistheLife trending with: zendaya, florence pugh, y/n y/l/n, hunter schafer, andrew garfield, timothee chalamet, tom holland

y/nlovebot: y/n y/l/n as Ash Davis you will always be famous! #thisisthelife

andybabess: am i the number one member of the Max Warner defense squad? yes 100%. is that almost solely bc he’s played by andrew garfield and fine as hell? yes 100%

euphorxa: when I get my #maxlynn enemies to lovers slowburn season 4 rain kiss then you all will see

dayamywife: #thisisthelife literally has the hottest cast i’ve ever seen i would let them all run a train

hollandersss: every time there’s a maxlynn scene idk if i want Ash to beat his ass or makeout w him like ik they hate each other but the banter??? hellooo?? y/n and andrew’s chemistry is literally unmatched

pughpugh: the fact that flo, y/n, zendaya, and hunter are actually such good friend irl melts my heart

lolyourenoty/n: no thoughts, only y/n y/l/n’s monologue in episode 4. give her the oscar NEOOOW

tomdayawarrior: no cause tomdaya already has me in a chokehold and now these y/n x andrew interviews are starting to hit a lil too hard

ashlynnsy/n: andrew garfield stop making heart eyes at y/n y/l/n in literally every interview challenge

thisisthelxfe: not yall already shipping maxlynn when they literally just bully each other in every scene are ya’ll okay??

maxlynnordie: not oomf being a maxlynn anti?? LOOK AT THE MATERIAL

garfieldsss: the genderless urge to want to get railed by Max Warner

irisily: so is the iris greene x harry kingston ship name hiris or greenston bc the maxlynns already have a solid ship name and their characters haven’t even kissed like-

warnerwrights: noah fence but greenston is a ship for emotionally stable relationship girlies, maxlynn is a ship for hot girls who are mentally ill

umjustgarfield: if i don’t get a maxlynn angry love confession next season Mindy will be hearing from my lawyers

y/nlefttoe: y/n on this press tour is literally the love of my life BACK OFF ANDREW GARFIELD I’LL FIGHT

kingstonss: not yall already shipping y/n and andrew like they're allowed to be just friends

timoteaaa: idk abt you guys but I do not look at my friends like that LMAO

You’ve been doing press interviews for the show all week and had in turn been spending all week by Andrew’s side. You were partnered together because fans were already going crazy for your 2 characters and as a little easter egg for a possible future relationship between your characters. Even though none of your scenes together were particularly romantic as your characters were always bickering and pushing each other’s buttons, people were hooked on your chemistry and hoping for an enemies to lovers storyline and had coined your characters ship name as #Maxlynn. Your interviews with Andrew were gaining ridiculous amounts of views and fans were seemingly obsessed with every interaction you shared. You truly had a blast doing these interviews because it was really just like you and Andrew were hanging out and there happened to be a camera there.

Y/N Y/L/N and Andrew Garfield Answer the Web’s Most Searched Questions| WIRED

“Hi, my name is y/n y/l/n and I play Ash on Netflix’s ‘This is the Life’”

“My name is Andrew Garfield, I play Max and this is the Wired Autocomplete Interview” Andrew finishes before turning to you. “nailed it!” you put your hand out for a high five and he comedically throws his hand out and misses yours. “You guys won’t believe how many takes that intro took” he laughs shaking his head.

-

“Of course, I’ve googled myself. Who hasn’t?”  Andrew states. “I haven’t” you answer back. “seriously?” he asks incredulously.

“Yea, i’m scared that it’s just gonna be like people talking bad about me so i don’t check”

“Who could have anything bad to say about you? You’re quite literally the most perfect human ever and whoever thinks otherwise can come have a chat with me”

You laugh, “You’re ridiculous”

“ridiculously correct and handsome? awe thanks y/n”

“shut up and read the stupid board”

“do you guys see what i’m dealing with?  I give her a compliment and she bullies me and bosses me around” he says gesturing to you.

it’s okay, you thought, you’re definitely into that.

So WIRED asked y/n y/l/n and andrew garfield some of the internet’s burning questions

“So first we have- ‘is andrew garfield’- why do you get to go first” you start to which andrew shrugs and responds

“I dunno, it’s probably the patriarchy’s fault or something. uh ‘is andrew garfield... a nice guy” he laughs before turning to you and going “uhhh i dunno, you tell me, do you think i’m a nice guy?”

“eh i’d give you like 2 out of 5 stars” you joke

“oh how generous of you.”

“you know what i’ll bump it up to 3 stars because you were my marvel movie watching buddy on set”

“i love how I only get one additional star for watching movies with you literally every day for like 4 months” he says before pulling of the next piece of paper off. “oh speaking of marvel- ‘is andrew garfield going to play spiderman’- uh no? but if marvel or sony ever decide to revisit that character and would like to give me a call I’d do it in a heartbeat”

“I feel like I heavily influenced the frequency of this search” you added, amused.

“yea because y/n decided to tweet ‘andrew garfield playing peter parker when??’ and next thing I know I’m a spiderman fan cast”

“you’re welcome” you respond to which he just shakes his head and laughs.

“is andrew garfield british” he reads.

“no,”  you answer for him “it’s just one big elaborate prank that he’s kept going for 21 years”

Andrew plays along and responds with “y/n, you weren’t supposed to tell people that jeez” in a very convincing American accent.

-

“yay my turn!” you grab one of the boards. “I’m actually so excited for this, I watch these all the time. okay ‘who is y/n y/l/n playing’- um if you’re asking who am i playing in ‘this is the life’ that would be Ash Davis”

“Ashlynn” Andrew corrects.

“Yea but no one calls her that”

“Max calls her that”

“yup and she hates it”

“does she really though-”

“anyways she’s a total badass and like at least 37% cooler than I am in real life okay moving on. ‘who is y/n y/l/n dating’- I am actually married. married to the game.”

“only you would respond to that question like that”

“‘who is y/n y/l/n favorite person’ -hmm uhhh” andrew clears his throat comedically and starts not discreetly pointing to himself which makes you laugh before turning to the camera and answering “andrew russell garfield” to which he feigns surprise and starts acting as if he was accepting an award.

“wow, i really wasn’t expecting this honestly um i don’t really have anything prepared but to be named y/n y/l/n’s favorite person is such an honor truly and I’d just like to take a moment to thank-” he’s cut off by you covering his mouth with your hand which he decides to lick for shits and giggles.

“ew” you wipe your hand off on his shirt.

“oh don’t act grossed out” he responds without missing a beat.

-

“‘who is andrew garfield’- wow i mean who really knows. who are any of us really? what are we all doing here on this big rock”

“wow so deep”

“that’s what she said. uh thank you, I try. okay next one ‘who is andrew garfield’s celebrity crush’ uhh y/n y/l/n” he says throwing the scrap of paper over his shoulder

“I would’ve said harry styles but go off”

“but harry styles isn’t even your favorite person now is he?” to which you don’t respond and he just continues with “yea, that’s what I thought”

You take the board from him. “okay, last one ‘andrew garfield and y/n y/l/n together?’- well that is terrible grammar but you can see us together on ‘This is the Life’ on Netflix” you wink at the camera knowing that isn’t at all what the question was asking.

Andrew throws the board behind the two of you before pointing at the camera. “streaming now!”

12,011,604 views         752K LIKES

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Andrew Garfield and y/n y/l/n being in love for exactly 14 minutes and 12 seconds

-

Andrew Garfield and Y/n Y/l/n Read Thirst Tweets

“Hi, I’m Andrew Garfield” you begin in your best british accent.

“and I’m y/n y/l/n” he continues imitating your voice.

“and we are here with BuzzFeed to read some thirst tweets!”

-

“oh god here we go okay” andrew reaches his hand into the bucket. “‘garfielddd: andrew garfield is a precious bean, protect him’ awe that’s sweet. I see we’re starting off soft”

“did you guys get that from my twitter account cause i swear i’ve tweeted that at least 12 times” you joke before reaching into the bowl to get another slip.

“ ‘ashwarrior: y/n if you see this, i’m free on thursday if you want to hang out on thursday when i’m free on thursday if you want to hang out on thursday’ hmm something tells me that they wanna hang out with me on Thursday” you comment.

“really I wasn’t getting that vibe but okay” andrew says before picking another one.

“ ‘andrew garfield is literally the daddy of all daddies’ -so like am i some form of father god? i think i might be a bit too young for that now but tweet this again in like 20 years and I’ll gladly accept being the daddy of all daddies”

“being daddy is not an age but a mindset” you comment.  “but anyways moving on ‘y/n y/l/n if your legs ever get tired and you need somewhere to sit just know that my face is available to you for all of eternity’ wowww um thankyou? I think? My legs are good for now but if that changes I’ll have my people call your people” you respond with a wink at the camera.

“for all of eternity? wow. that’s kinda poetic if you think about it. oh god it’s my turn again?” andrew reaches for another tweet. “ ‘y/n’slefttoe: s.w.a.g. is an acronym for sex with andrew garfield’ That one makes both of you laugh.

“so true user my left toe” you add. “There are a lot of these wow” you comment swirling your hand around the bowl.

“wait I wanna read one of yours”

“okay go ahead” you tilt the bowl toward him to reach in and grab one.

“oh wow this one is- are people really just his blatantly horny on the internet my god. ‘maxlynn4ever: if y/n y/l/n ever tried to kill me’ i knew these were gonna get violent! they always get violent! ‘if y/n y/l/n ever. tried to kill me by choking me to death i’d probably have an orgasm before passing out’ jesus christ”

Your jaw drops “damn that’s hardcore”

“yeaaa... i get it though” 

“andrew!”

“i’m joking, i’m joking!”

“it’s too late, it’s already been screen recorded and is being made into an edit intro as we speak. okay i’ll do one of yours, and i’ll make direct eye contact with you so you get embarrassed”

“don’t do that”

“too late, ‘warnery/ns: the rumors are true, i am a slut for andrew garfield’ hey aren’t we all?”

Andrew starts shaking his head, his cheeks slightly red. “that one got screen recorded for sure.” he says before turning to the camera to address the commenter “but thank you? how generous? I promise I will only be respectful”

-

“These ones are for both of us?” you ask as an assistant hands you another bowl from off screen.

“oh god” andrew starts “okay here we go. how did you guys even find all these”

“it wasn’t that hard!” you hear and intern yell from somewhere.

Andrew grabs a slip. “these are just getting progressively more horny.  ‘y/ngarfieldd: my dream is to get railed by andrew garfield while y/n y/l/n rides my face and i am not sorry about it!!!’”

“why does everyone want me to sit on their face?”

Andrew looks like he’s actually about to answer your question so before he says anything incriminating you grab another tweet to start reading.

“ ‘rosefory/n: the sheer amount of bi panic I experienced during every y/n and andrew scene like do y’all need a dog i can bark’”

“i don’t think i know how to respond to that. okay last one ‘andybabyy: I would pay unthinkable amounts of money for y/n y/l/n and andrew garfield to-’  nope. absolutely not. that’s enough of that.” Andrew says ripping up the piece of paper.

“waittt what did it say”

“the world may never know! Thank you guys so much for all your thirst tweets. I’m Andrew Garfield”

“I’m y/n y/l/n and go watch ‘This is the Life’ streaming now on Netflix!”

17,453,652 views              917k LIKES

Comments

me coming back to watch this video for the millionth time this week so true

andrew: reading a tweet of someone saying they want y/n to choke them. also andrew: ‘yea... i get it though’ SIR?? 

this is literally just them being in love 

his hand on her knee at 3:46 IM GONNA LOSE IT

them: ‘we are not dating :)))’ also them: proceeds give each other heart eyes and find any excuse to touch in every interview 

y/n fixing andrew’s hair is the cutest thing i’ve ever seen. so glad tmrw isn’t promised

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-

You and Andrew had been attached at the hip all day working, but were honestly having a blast with these interviews. You were now on location for The Late Late Show with James Corden and you and andrew were being interviewed later tonight. You’re currently standing outside on the lot trying to calm yourself down. You’ve never done an interview for live television before. 

“nervous?” you hear a voice ask from behind you, turning to meet a smiling andrew.

“a little bit. i just- it’s live ya know.  no cuts or anything, I’m just a little worried”

“hey,” he starts while pulling you in for a much needed hug “you’re gonna be amazing and everyone is going to love you, alright?”

“okay” you mutter into the crook of his neck.

“nope. not good enough. I want you to say it” he says poking your side.

“mm say what”

“that you’re amazing”

“oh i’m not doing that” you respond to which he pulls away from the hug but still holds you in his arms.

“oh yeah? you sure about that?” he challenges looking down at you.

“yup” 

“see i didn’t want to have to do this but now you’ve forced my hand”

“what are you even-” you’re cut off my andrew moving his hands to your ribs, tickling you as you erupt into a fit of giggles. You try to escape from his little surprise attack but andrew keeps you secure in his arms.

“okay! okay! okay!” you squeal now out of breath.

“i’m waiting” he teases.

You sigh before muttering a barely audible ‘i’m amazing’ to which andrew. brings his face closer to yours tapping his ear.

“i’m sorry, what was that?” he teases.

“i’m amazing.”

“hell yeah, you are”

And you’re both doing that thing again. That thing when you’re standing far too close, looking at each other a little too longingly. And you really want to kiss him but all of that was only supposed to be a one time thing. But that doesn’t stop you from thinking about it: his hands everywhere, his words, his mouth. It was supposed to help you ‘get him out of your system’ but now knowing how good you could make each other feel only seemed to strengthen the tension. And you know it’s against the rules and a bad idea but andrew’s presence tends to make you really fucking stupid so you ask. anyway:

“we uh- have a few hours to kill. do you wanna hang out in my dressing room and we can watch a movie or something?” or something

Andrew blinks a few times, unsure if you’re invitation was actually to watch a movie or if there was more emphasis on the ‘or something’ but to be honest you didn’t know either and his brain also turns to mush when he’s near you so he just starts nodding before responding as calmly as he can given the way his heart is racing,

“yea totally”

-

next chapter 

[frostbittenbucky]

Bruce Wayne

The Batman

The Dark Knight

Worlds Greatest Detective

Had fucked up

Bruce Wayne isn’t a slob, he’s not lazy- he is the complete opposite of his persona “Brucie Wayne”, who is a lazy pampered prince. But Bruce Wayne? Never.

So after Bruce finishes a snack he washes his dishes like any civilized human would do- or else Alfred would have some very choice words and some very petty actions towards him. It’s a simple task, take off his rings, run the water, apply the soap, scrub then rinse.

Simple.

But someone tell Bruce how the hell he managed to drop his ring down the drain? And someone tell Bruce why the didn’t stop for a moment and think before shoving his hand down the drain?

He fucked up. Now he’s stuck. But Bruce Wayne is a genius, he can get himself out of this silly situation. So he tries pulling... and pulling... and pulling. Ok, next option, lubricant. Soap will do. So Bruce proceeds to pour a generous amount of soap around his hand, he moves it around to make sure it’s coated, then he pulls. And pulls. Ok so next move.

What’s the next move?

He groaned loudly, thinking how utterly ridiculous and stupid this situation is. “Ok... dammit,” he muttered to himself. He decided to reach for his phone and-

Shit. It’s on the kitchen island directly behind him, where it’s just out of his reach. Why did he do that? Oh right, because he got water in his speaker last time. Right. Perfect. Wonderful.

“Alfred?” He called out, “Alfred, Damian are you still here?” No response. Shitshitshitshitshitgodammitshitshit.

Maybe he can reach his phone? He thought. So with all his grace he leaned towards to island, swishing at the air in hopes his phone would magically come into his hand. Nah.

Leg, his leg might reach. It’s longer than his arm, and his can get some torso length in there. Lifting his leg and leaning his body out he kicks at the counter, his brows furrowed. Fuck. Bruce is very flexible, but his leg and torso are extended to the fullest human capacity, and fuck why are these countered so spaced out?!

Bruce pulls his body back and lays his forehead on the cold countertop, trying to push down the rage that’s building up in his chest. This is stupid. This is so fucking stupid. “Is anybody home? Stephanie? Jason? Ca- not you, Titus,” He lifted his head from the counter and looked to his right, and there Titus stood in front of Bruce, wanting to investigate the noise. Seeing nothing interesting Titus tilted his head and gave a “boof” before turning out and leaving him to his own demise, “no wait,” Bruce reached out for the dog who already made up his mind.

So there he stood.

Bruce Wayne

The Batman

The Dark Knight

The Worlds Greatest Detective

Dumbass

Knowing he now has to swallow his pride and go into his next move, he groans loudly. It’s not like it’s the first time he’s called when it wasn’t anything life threatening. Sure, it’s rare, but it does happen. Plus, he always understands, and by now he knows the differences between help and help. But Bruce knew there would be consequences... because he isn’t scared of Bruce, all his intimidation tactics fall short, completely on deaf ears around him.

“Clark,” his voice sounded almost like a whine, his voice was a little hoarse from literally forcing the words past his lips, “if you’re not busy I need a hand.”

Just as soon as his finished his sentence Clark was stood in front of him, flannel, glasses, and cowboy boots, “howdy.” Bruce closed his eyes at Clark’s greeting, then opened them to send him a hard glare, “what’s seems to be the problem, Bruce?” A wide and knowing grin spread across Clark’s face. X-ray vision. No explanation needed. Sure friends help friends in their times of need. But best friends? Oh yea, Bruce had to earn his help by paying the high price of humiliation.

“Just hand me my phone, Clark,” pointing at the device just out of reach.

A shocked and confused looked replaced Clark’s smile, “oh, this? This phone right here?” He also pointed, walking to grab the device, “you don’t happen to have Face ID do you?”

“No, I w-“ It was a lie. Clark know had opened his phone just by turning it to Bruce’s face. A sigh left his body, was this price worth his freedom? Probably not.

“Hold on, B, I’m not dressed properly. This is a rescue after all,” and just in a blink of an eye Superman now stood in front of a tired looking Bruce, having no choice of his front vow seat the shit show that was about to unfold. Clark lifted the phone and snapped a couple selfies with Bruce, grinning his charming smile that the world adored him for. Bruce looked like a hungover raccoon, putting it kindly.

“Are your done? Just get me out and I’ll buy you a horse or something.”

“Aw, you do care. I knew you were listening when I told you about that pony farm,” Clark didn’t bother to look up from the phone, tapping away at the screen, “oh Bruce, your groupchat is named ‘family’?”

His eyes widen, “don’t you da-“

“-Isn’t Dick a firefighter? I think that he’s better for this job,” Clark announced, taking a seat on the island that just out of reach, “I hope you understand Mr. Wayne, I’m glad to offer help but them seems like a job for our local emergency service.”

“If you call 911,” Bruce growled, gritting his teeth together, leaning towards the other man and close as possible, “I swear.”

Scoffing, Clark waves him off, “of course not, why would I waste a 911 operators time? There’s people who need real help out there. I’m calling Dick directly.” Once again, is the price of freedom worth it?

————-

“Fireman Dick Grayson reporting for duty!” Cried his oldest child with two other firman following close behind, “hey pops I h- is that Superman?” He faked a gasped, clutching his chest.

The group chat had blown up by now. A series of text and FaceTime calls followed shortly after.

Damian: “Tt. Father this is utterly disappointing”

Bruce: “Sorry to be disappointing, kiddo”

Stephanie: “lmfaoooo I’m coming over. Be there in 10 don’t escape until I get there”

Jason: *screenshot of the photo of Superman and Bruce posted on Twitter with the caption: “when your dad panics and calls Superman”

Jason: *another screenshot of a multitude of replies along the lines, “what are you doing step bro?” “What are your doing Superman?”*

Duke: “the mighty Batman has finally met his match. A kitchen sink”

Cassandra: “😆😆😂🤣😬🤔🧠🤷🏻‍♀️💕💕💗💓💖”

Bruce: “thank you, Cassandra. I think.”

Stephanie: “imma do a live when I get there 🤣”

Tim: “you know we’re not going to let you live this down right b?”

Dick: “dumbasssssss”

Dick: “don’t worry B I’ll be there to rescue you shortly”

Bruce: “I can unadopt all of you.”

Alfred: “master Bruce, please word yourself properly. “Unadopt” isn’t a real word.”

Bruce: “Sorry, Alfred.”

So now that official rescue crew has arrived he expected this to be a quick and professional release. Nah. Dick, his oldest, his light in the dark, his son, his baby boy, is an asshole.

Dick started taking his own selfies with Bruce and Superman. Dick and Clark wore bright smiles, full of perfect teeth and glimmering eyes. Bruce, again, looked like a mess. He was wearing an old shirt, old sweatpants, no makeup on, his hair an untamed, scattered, frizzy mess. He should’ve conditioned, but he wasn’t expecting to go out today or have any photos done today.

The price of freedom is high, but not worth it.



[deancasbigbang]

Title: The Birds and the Ts

Author: DoctorProfessorSong / you-cant-spell-subtext-without (team)

Artist: Jay

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Endverse Castiel/Dean Smith, Twitter Intern (OC based on Reese from Just my Imagination ep. 11x8)/Tumblr Staff (OC based on Harper Sayles from Optimism ep. 14x6); Sam Winchester/Eileen, Rowena McLeod/Bela Talbot (background), Castiel/OC (brief); Castiel/Mick Davies (references only), Castiel/multipartners (references only).

Length: 120000

Warnings: No major archive warnings apply. Drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism, disordered eating, anxiety attacks, vomiting in one scene, death mention (of OC character and one canon-compliant death mention), homophobia/biphobia mentions.

Tags: angst with a happy ending, AU our world without COVID, crack taken seriously, Destiel is canon, exhibitionism, Season 16/post-finale chaos, so much meta goodness, sex with your ex, flashbacks to established relationship.

Posting Date: October 27, 2021

Summary: Dean Smith is a workaholic, buried alive in his career as a high-ranking corporate executive at Twitter. Cas Novak largely avoids his obligations at Tumblr, preferring instead to focus on his own carnal and chemical pursuits. When Destiel goes canon and throws both sites into disarray, Dean’s intern, Reese, and Cas's assistant, Harper, find themselves fed up trying to balance the chaos with their two bosses' inconvenient lifestyles. But a conversation with Cas's bestie, Meg, gives them an idea. What if they set their bosses up?  Maybe their opposing worldviews will balance out and there will finally be peace. What they don't know is that the men are such a mess because they are both mourning a break-up. With each other. Will these two dumbasses use their words and realize they are the perfect endgame? And what of the budding relationship between Harper and Reese? Two love stories in one, all signed, sealed, and delivered as a love letter to the fans riding out this unparalleled media experience.

Excerpt: “Fuck, this is so goddamned stupid.  Listen, I swear I’m fine. Okay? I just - haven’t been in the same room with him. Since.” Dean rubs his face in his hands, embarrassed by even this small admission.   “Have you tried talking to him?” Charlie prods. “I mean really talking to him. You two had something special.”  She pauses, glancing back toward the bar where Cas is licking a line of salt from his forearm.   Charlie regards the spectacle wisely, then shrugs at Dean. “Pretty clear neither of you is over it.”   Dean shakes his head derisively. “He doesn't care. He never cared, Charlie.”   Charlie tilts her head. “You think he’s pounding the tequila because it’s fun? He’s looked over here between every shot just to make sure you’re still watching the performance.”   Dean’s eyes swivel back towards Cas to find twin blue pools reflecting his gaze. Cas quickly looks away, gulping down another swallow of liquor.   Dean’s suddenly exhausted. Enough.   “Nah. It’s over, Charlie.” The bands around his chest constrict. He takes a few breaths. Charlie’s hand is on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze “You’re a dumbass, Dean Smith, but I love you.” “I know.” Dean teases back, a small smile tugging at his mouth. \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ Harper isn't understanding. Reese frowns, searching for the words to clarify. "Okay, so get this. You complain Cas is too disorganized and chaotic, right?"   Harper nods slowly.   Okay, they’re getting warmer. Good.   Reese takes a long pull of her wine, making a smacking sound in satisfaction at the end. "Right!" She exclaims triumphantly. "And I complain that Dean needs to chill the fuck out."   Harper hums in agreement, smiling behind her glass. The quick upward tick of her lips makes Reese’s heart stutter and, for a moment, her mind goes blank.   Where was she? Right.   "So, what if we set them up? We, like, Parent Trap them."   Harper’s head tilts, her eyes narrowing with confusion. "Reese, I don't think that your memory of that movie is quite accurate."   Reese throws her hands up dramatically. “Okay, fine - we Cyrano de Bergerac them, then.”   Harper raises an eyebrow. “Name-dropping the classics?  Color me impressed.”   Reese rolls her eyes.  "What? I read. Anyway, you know what I mean. If they're happy, we're happy. No more late nights because Dean has no life. No more office orgies and all-night ragers because Cas is...well, Cas."   Reese does triumphant jazz hands that say look at me, I'm a genius.   Harper’s grin is back, and it’s fucking sunshine after a freak summer rainstorm. Reese feels a tiny thrill in her chest.   "Reese, that is absolutely ridiculous. You know that, right?"  Amusement laces Harper’s voice despite her intended cautious syllables.   She pauses.  Reese waits, drumming her fingertips impatiently on the glass. "I mean, we're absolutely gonna do it though." Harper says conspiratorially.

DCBB 2021 Posting Schedule

[cr0wbonezz-wr1ting-inc]

One more time

Summary: Alex regrets ever saying yes. All he wants is a second chance.

Trigger warning: Mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, swearing, angst

Author's note: my first piece off hiatus !! - you're a twitch streamer in this fic but it won't come up too much :) hope u like it <3

Based on: Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS

you sigh. your ex-boyfriend called again. you've been ignoring your phone for 5 minutes now. was he really this desperate?

you pick up your phone and slide the green button.

"what do you want, alex?"

"___, you picked up!"

he sounded extremely relieved, like he needs you to breathe.

"i did, now what do you want?"

alex sighed and leaned on a wall in his bedroom.

"can i come over? there's some stuff i still need to pick up."

you suck in a breath sharply. the air is thick and tense.

"no."

you clench the phone you were holding and bit your lip.

"i don't want to see you right now."

alex closed his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.

"i understand, you need time."

there was silence for a moment. neither of you wanted to say anything.

"if you want to come over that bad you can get your things tomorrow morning."

"sounds good. i'll be there around 11, okay?"

"fine."

"good-"

you ended the call.

"-bye..."

alex let his arm drop beside him. his eyes were watering, but he wiped it away with the sleeve of his hoodie.

it's his fault, he knew. but why is he still so upset? he shouldn't feel like this - it's is his own doing, after all.

~

you open the door to your home. alex was standing on the porch with a few empty bags in hand. the morning sun blinded you slightly, making you squint at the man in front of you.

"hi ___."

"hello, alex. all your belongings are on the couch.

"great, thank you."

~

he looks over as he's folding a shirt.

"what are you looking at?"

you say without looking away from your laptop.

his face was getting red slightly from embarrassment.

"nothing, you seem busy."

alex directed his eyes back to the clothes in front of him.

"otherwise you would've said something about me."

alex snickered slightly, trying to lighten the mood.

you sigh, holding your face in one of your hands.

don't say it. ___, keep it in. there's no point in fighting him. ___-

"if i wanted to make a comment it'd be about the fact you can't keep your dick in your pants."

god damn it, why did you do that?

he fell quiet. you hated his guts, but even you felt kind of bad for being so blunt with it.

a part of you still loved him. his loud, yet charming laugh. his sweet kisses. his adorable clinginess. his blushing face when you teased him.

you shake your head, trying to physically get rid of your pity for him. he doesn't love you anymore. he shouldn't, and neither should you.

~

after filling the bags with alex's belongings he stood up and wiped his forehead. you waver from your work and look him up and down.

"you done?"

you asked him. he turned around and gave you a weak smile.

"yeah, i think so."

"good, you know the way out."

you turn back to your computer.

"___, wait. can i ask you something?"

you make eye contact with him, fully aware it makes him nervous.

"what do you want?"

alex took a quick breath.

"can we talk sometime?"

you look at him like he spoke an alien tongue.

"why the hell would i?"

"i want to talk about what happened between us. i hate that our relationship is so sour."

he set a step forward.

"i just want this to end peaceful - or at least neutral."

"why the fuck would i want to be peaceful with you of all people?"

"i hate ending things on the wrong foot, you know that."

alex stands his ground, making you livid.

"then we make up, and then what? you'll just break my heart again!"

you stand up, simultaneously pushing the chair away with your legs.

"then i can lay awake and think about why i even let you inside my house again in the first place?!"

if looks could kill, alex would be on the floor.

"fine. if you don't want to, then i guess everything will just stay the way it is."

alex turned around and grabbed his bags. there's no way he's getting through to you right now.

"oh, so now it's my fault?"

you slam your laptop and walk away from the table.

"well, i'm so sorry for being angry at you for cheating on me!"

you don't hold your anger in anymore, he crossed the line.

"i never said that, ___!"

alex yelled to match your energy.

you took a step back. the audacity to yell at you in your house.

"out. now."

alex grabbed the second bag of clothes and without a word walked to the front door.

"goodbye, ___."

alex pushes the door open and steps outside. you go after him but stop at the doorstep.

"fuck you!" you sob out. you grab the doorknob and slam the door shut.

your knees slowly got weaker and you sit against the front door, shutting your eyes.

~

it's been a month since you've seen alex. you've blocked him on everything since then.

you were doing a q&a on your twitch channel and everything was going well. chat was filled with questions and you answered the one's you could.

your thoughts were somewhere else, though.

you still miss him, you really did. alex used to watch your streams all the time. he sent you donations with cheesy pick-up lines, he called you during streams to make fun of you for dying in a game or just to chat while he's bored.

but that didn't happen anymore.

you realize you haven't said anything in a while and you apologize. your chat was spamming purple hearts and 'are you okay?'

"ah, sorry everyone, i'm still tired from yesterday. i think i'm going to end the stream for today, thank you all for coming!"

after saying goodbye you turn off your computer.

why are you still so obsessed over him?! he cheated on you! he even tried to cover it up with a bullshit story about "not being the first to kiss her," and "she forced me to," like someone would believe a lie like that.

yet, you still love him. something inside you wants to believe him, like he really was telling the truth.

~

the next morning you open twitter and scroll for a bit. you made a tweet earlier in which you stated you weren't going to stream today.

you looked at the trending topics and saw your name in bold letters. you clicked on it and read the first tweet that popped up.

'i really hope ___ is doing better, they looked so sad on stream :('

an image was attached to it - a screenshot from the stream you did yesterday where you were mindlessly staring at your computer screen.

you sighed. at least they're not thinking too deep about this.

you scroll further down, replying and liking a couple tweets saying you were alright, thanking them or cracking a joke. this should keep them off your back for a while.

after scrolling for a bit one tweet catches your eye. you clutch your phone as you read the comment.

'kinda obvious they miss quackity :/ it's a good cover-up story tho '

~

alex was staring at his ceiling. he'd seen the tweets about you - about him.

he hates this feeling. he hates the fact that he knows what you're thinking. he hates that he knows it's his fault. he didn't mean to. he didn't.

"come on, alex. you know you want it." the woman said.

"i told you, no! i have a partner!" alex pushed her away for the second time, trying to find a way past the girl and out of this small alleyway. he should've never gone to this stupid bar.

"tch, whatever. but know you'll regret rejecting someone like me!" the girl pushed him to the brick wall and fixed her dress as she walked away.

alex fixed himself for a minute and walked past the bar and into his car. he pulled out his phone and shot you a quick text.

'hey bb i'll be over in a few :)'

'don't come back.'

you responded almost immediately. alex froze as he looked at the screen.

'wdym?'

'you know damn well why'

you sent him a photo of him next to the bar in the alley. the girl was all over him while her lips connected lustfully to his.

'it isn't what it looks like, i didn't start any of this!'

you don't respond. alex tries to send you another text when an error pops up.

'unable to send message. user has blocked you.'

~

you hover your hand over your phone's keyboard. you thought anbout alex's offer to talk, and decided that maybe it was a good idea after all. you couldn't get your mind off him, you thought that hopefully getting some closure could help.

but how were you going to ask him? 'hey, i know i blocked number like a month ago but can you to meet me at some random park? see you there!'

after typing and deleting multiple texts you eventually landed on a message.

'hey alex, i've been thinking about your offer to talk it out, and i wanted to ask if you're still up for it?'

you send it and immediately turn off your phone and place it on the coffeetable in front of you. you did it, finally. you fall back on your couch and pull your knees up to your face, waiting for a notification.

after a nailbiting five minutes a light emits from your phone. you pick it up and read the name calling you. 'alex'. you take a deep breath and answer the phone.

"hi alex."

"hey ___, it's been a while."

you sit up straight, preparing yourself for the conversation you're about to have.

'yeah, you can say that."

the atmosphere was a lot less tense than you expected. it was weirdly... comforting? you can hear alex's raspy voice through the phone. has he been crying?

"i saw your text, you wanted to meet?"

"yes, i did. i wanted to get some closure, at least."

alex chuckled, his laugh making you a little flustered. trying to brush it off, you laugh with him.

"what's so funny?" alex asked.

you rolled your eyes and smile.

"you, dumbass."

he gasps cartoonishly loud. his goofy personality is something you could never get enough of. maybe you were wrong after all.

"ok, but seriously, when do you want to meet?"

he gets back on topic. you snap out of your smile and remember why he called in the first place.

"right, right. i'm free this whole week, you can choose when."

after some planning and back and forth, you decide to meet at a small family-run café in the afternoon. coincidentally, it's the same place you two had your first date.

~

you settle down at a table on the terrace of the café, the sunday sun greeting you warmly. you were a little early, so you decided to think of some questions. it didn't take you long to come to a few, though. your main question was the photo. what was that all about?

as you were handed a menu you saw alex walking on the pavement fidgeting with his fingers.

"hey! sorry if i'm late, i took the bus instead of my car."

he took the seat parallel to yours and exhaled.

"oh no, you're right on time. i was just a little early."

the waitress gave alex a menu and disappeared into the establishment. you both decided to stay quiet before getting on topic. neither of you want to start the conversation.

after both ordering and having surface level conversation for a while silence fell. you both know why you're here, it feels off to talk like nothing ever happened.

"okay-"

"so-"

you both start at the same time. alex awkwardly chuckles while covering his mouth.

"you first."

alex proposes. you nod and like magic lose the somewhat content mood you had prior. you steadily breathe in and pull out your phone.

"so, first things first; my main goal is to get closure and an explanation - there's no point in lying to me."

alex hums in agreement. you could tell he was nervous, you knew him better than anyone. you tap on your screen a few times until you reach the photo that was sent to you.

"now, i want a clear answer. what happened that night?"

you ask him firmly as you put your phone on the table to reveal the image.

"that's my ex-girlfriend."

alex said. you raise an eyebrow - his ex? you've heard some wild things about her and her antics, which is exactly why alex broke up with her in the first place.

"she said she wanted to ask me something in private. my dumbass said yes, because i can't pick up on context clues, apparently."

you cross your arms and lean back on the chair.

"you got that right."

alex looks up from the photo and makes eye contact with you.

"long story short, she pushed me to the wall and kissed me. i tried to push her off but she didn't let me go. after shoving her, like, twice she finally got the hint and left."

~

"so she set you up?"

"she hasn't changed a bit since all those years."

you say with a hint of condescension. his explanation made sense, and from what you heard he wasn't lying. your gut told you to believe him, yet your mind had an itching feeling that there was something else.

"are you sure that's all?"

alex flinched slightly.

"y-yes, ___. i don't know what else to tell you."

you mess with your hair a bit, clearly conflicted. there was nothing else, you knew that. but your brain wouldn't let it go. you decided it's better if you just sleep on it.

"alright, then.-"

you grab your bag and stand up.

"-i think we're done here."

alex stays seated and looks up at you.

"yeah, i think so."

you pick the phone up that's laying on the table. you pull out your wallet and put a $5 bill under your teacup.

"goodbye, alex."

"wait!"

alex stands up and grabs your wrist, the gesture scaring you little bit.

"are you still mad at me?"

those eyes. they're so pretty, almost sparlking. you snap out of it when he lets go, just realizing how weird it is to grab someone's arm out of nowhere.

"sorry, my bad. i wasn't thinking."

alex scratches the back of his neck.

"i'm still deciding if i can trust you, but i appreciate you showing up, at least."

"that's enough for me."

alex smile at you, not trying to pry.

"goodbye, ___."

"goodbye, alex."

~

you heard the chirping of the birds outside your window and groan. why is it already morning? you sit up and grab your phone from the nightstand next to your bed, the phone reading 11:23 - tuesday - xx-xx-xxxx.

you sigh and fall back onto your bed. you've been thinking about alex for a few days now, still not getting him out of your head.

after going downstairs and eating some toast you pull out your phone again, the clock now reading 12:44. you look through your contacts and eventually land on his name.

you hover your hand over the green pixels while sitting down at the dining table. you swallow audibly and click the call button.

it goes once.

it goes twice.

"___?"

'Hey alex, i wanted to ask you if you wanted to meet up again?"

ty for reading <3

m.list

taglist: @adoring-ghost @sakisaralazy @for-memories-sacrifice @ialexabsuniverse @shiyanchan @bioluminescentfrog @esylwen

reblogs >> likes !

[miekasa]

AOT characters x their partner on social media is something I love thinking about omg. Eren is the number 1 menace, I swear, he likes keeping an aesthetic and he wants your face on his profile, and he wants to be in yours, and he will brainstorm for cool captions for you both 😭 Jean acts all shy, but that tall mf also lowkey feels the same way as Eren 😭. Mikasa is very relaxed and cute about it, she’s so effortless when it comes posting you on her feed, same with Sasha probably. Connie would post your funny faces 100% while Armin….blonde coconut I feel would be shy at first but is a fan of couple-y posts. Same with Erwin, and Erwin would add the cheesiest suburban dad captions like “my better half” or shit like “forever yours” 😭🥴😭 Hange is just all over, like they’ll be super unpredictable, from wildly funny to very touching stuff. Pick is just sweetness!! All around sweetness that can make you melt. Porco would be…actually I’m not sure, he seems like he’s in line with Eren and Jean 😭 Meanwhile, Levi would not care at all about social media announcements and “instagram official” and people outside his close circles find out about his partner on their tenth-year anniversary because they bumped into you both while you were out on a date 😭😭

No because you hit the nail on the head here anon!!

Eren and Connie are fiends and almost shameless in how much they want to be on your socials. If you do the thing where you record your food when you’re out to eat with Eren, he’ll interject into your video—“And me! She’s with me!! Show me!!” After some time—or if you tease him by purposefully leaving him out of the frame—he’ll just snatch your phone when you’re recording or taking pictures and makes sure to get himself with the front camera 😭😭 oh and you will be on his, it comes with the price of dating him, he loves posting videos that gradually zoom in on your face before you notice he’s recording.

Connie just photobombs everything. Even if just his eyebrows make in the frame, you better post it. He’s watching you. He loves taking funny selfies and posting them with absolutely no context, and videos too!! He reminds me of that TikTok of the guy who pans the camera to his gf laying in the grass is like, “We had a beach date, and, yeah I love her,” and pans the camera to his face, “I’m faster than her tho. We raced. But yeah, love her.”

Jean pretends like he doesn’t care if you don’t post him, but he cares 😭😭 he’s always willing to take a photo for you, but he wants to take them with you too!! He’ll not so subtly be like, “Hey, did you post those pics from the other day?” as a gentle “reminder,” and he’s honestly so cute you gotta give into him. He likes posting pics with you too, and claims he’s gotta keep it updated so he’s got something to show his mom—“She’ll think I’m making you up if I don’t have proof, babe.”

Armin gets nervous about posting you at first—the whole being publicly affectionate thing, plus the internet is forever, you know. But once he sees that he doesn’t necessarily have to post you guys holding hands or kissing all the time, he relaxes. Just a picture together, or a picture of you from one of your dates every once in a while is cool with him. He takes good candids and they’re his favorite to edit and make all pretty. He gets surprised whenever you post him, and he’s honestly not checking for it/on social media all that often, so he finds out through a friend like Sasha who’s bubbling, “Armin you guys are gonna make me jealous!! Your beach dates look so cute!!” And Armin’s a little confused, until she adds, “I saw the pictures on Insta!!” And now he’s slightly pink in the face.

Porco is… more likely than not recording you innocently vibing or minding your own business before he comes to bother you bye. He thinks your surprised face is so fucking funny and needs several video evidences of it. He gets grumpy when you get an off-guard of him, but just show it to him after and suddenly he’s like, “I look pretty good there, actually,” like yeah, dumbass, that was the point 🙄🙄 he posts his shit on Twitter tho, and is always acting like he doesn’t know you—“Girlfriend for sale, willing to trade for Breath of the Wild. At least $30 cash otherwise,” and thinks it’s funny when you threaten to block him. Or he’s subtweeting you when you CLEARLY follow him: “Anybody else know someone who falls asleep 30 mins into a drive?? No?? Just me??”

Erwin and his captions anon please I’m hollering. You know he uses the filters embedded into Instagram, too, and it makes some pics come out grainy/more dull. He comes questioning Hange with genuine curiosity, “How come your photos look so… bright? How do I do that?” Sir, open up VSCO and free yourself from the shackles of Sepia.

Levi could not care less about what and how much you post of him on social media, and his own is so scarcely updated; he really just has it so he’s not a complete ghost to the world, and to occasionally cure a fit of boredom. The pictures he posts are always nice tho, simple, cleanly edited and shot, and sometimes he’s not even in them. He doesn’t mind if you post him or not, but every once in a while he’ll stop by with a simple heart emoji in the comments. (To which Hange absolutely loses their shit every time and loves to joke about, “omgggggg are you and @leviackerman official???? 🤪🤪🤪)

Hange is the undisputed champion of photodumps and you cannot prove me wrong. Above all, they love posting a series of chaotic photos that tell a story—three slides dedicated to photos that caught you falling down; several photos back to back of you stuffing your face with food; frames of the both of you posing for a photo with the front timer but of course something made them topple over you. Their captions don’t help either, almost always unrelated from the disaster that just unfolded. Could have posted a photo dump of you two skipping (and falling) at the park and the caption is like “fun fact: a cockroach can survive up to five weeks with its head cut off!!” (The disconnect between the pics and captions always confuses Erwin. @e.smith: Very cool! But, what do roaches have to do with you guys looking like you broke your ankles? PS—is everybody okay?)

Mikasa is relaxed about posting you, and she lowkey really likes to be posted on your socials. She doesn’t say much about it, but she likes going back through your profile and looking and what you posted, and the comments from your guys’ friends being supportive. The pictures don’t necessarily spell out that you guys are Together, but that’s okay with her; she doesn’t need four pics of you guys kissing on her timeline to make her happy. She has lots of pictures she doesn’t post tho and you’d be shocked to find them, you gotta hype her up a bit to post them, “Mika you look hot here!!! The people need to see!!! Feed them!!!”

It comes naturally to Sasha, too. She likes documenting your dates with pictures and videos and has a blast editing them afterwards, too. Just AirDrop her the pictures you took and she’ll fix them up for both of you to post later. She’s a fan of silly matching captions and is always in your comments with a million emojis.

Pieck absolutely the sweetest girl. Her whole feed manages to naturally come out in soft filters and pastel colors. She always tells you she doesn’t have to edit a thing when you’re in the picture. Definitely posts photo dumps that include pics of food, sunrises, her cats, and a few off-guards of you thrown in there. Abuses the bugs and sparkly emojis in the captions.

Annie literally posts one pic a few months (by a few months, I mean like 11 months) into your relationship with the simple and upfront caption: “This is my girlfriend” and everyone is in the comments immediately bye. Berty is acting super surprised even tho he basically set you guys up, somehow Reiner genuinely didn’t know, and Sasha is clowning him for not catching on, and then he’s like “wait since when????? i thought they were just really good friends????” Mikasa comments a singular scissor emoji and it sends everyone into orbit, even Annie likes the comment.

[xshinigamikittenx]

The Quiet Game

NSFW Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader

MINORS DNI

You swear this class is going to kill you. With this much of a class load, there’s no time for friendships or romantic relationships, and that’s fine with you. They were just distractions anyway. It’s usually just the attendants and other students completing work studies at the library this late. This is usually perfect on most nights, but today is Friday, and you forgot he would be here...

Thank you SO MUCH to TrashyBee on Twitter for bringing Katsuki to life here. Good lawd 😩

A/N: Whew. Yet another one shot that ran away with me. lmaoooo. Couldn't really help it though, I mean...sheeeeesh. But child, anywaaays...this was fun. :) I'm also hoping you've been to a library and seen what the private study rooms look like, because it's kindof important here 😅 but if not here's an idea. Hope your future library thoughts are full of smut productivity!

9.5k words

CW/TW: semi-public sex, oral sex, clothed sex, vaginal sex, biting, swallowing, light degradation, gagging, fingering, hair pulling, deep thrusts, praise

You swear this class is going to kill you. Why the fuck did you choose to take on so many credits this year? Take more classes at once so you can finish early. The goal from the beginning was to get through university as quickly as possible so you could start making the money you knew would help keep you far away from home. Wealth is not something that runs in your family. Everything you get, you work for, and your degree will be no different. You keep your head down, focusing on one goal, to make enough money to support yourself and live the way you want. With this much of a class load, there’s no time for friendships or romantic relationships, and that’s fine with you. They were just distractions anyway.

Your roommates, however, don’t have that same logic. Some nights when you’re up studying, you can hear them, and whoever they brought back to the dorm moaning, the bed sometimes rhythmically bumping into the paper-thin walls. “Just like that...yes-yes-mmmmore. Ffuck! ” It’s...distracting, to say the least, and frustrating because your body’s reaction constantly betrays your mind's focus. Your thighs clenching together, your pulse quickening; no way in hell you can study in your room, especially not at night.

You shake the thoughts out of your head, looking up at the massive main library, your feet unconsciously moving forward. This is your sanctuary, the place you feel you can be most at peace, and finally give way to the maintained focus you knew you needed. The warm glow of the lights through the windows always makes you feel calm. The cold air whips into you as you push open the door and take in the endless rows and layers of books keeping you company. There’s hardly ever anyone here at this time, a discovery you made one night when you found yourself packing your books in frustration to escape the sounds coming from the next room in the middle of the night.

It’s usually just the attendants and other students completing work studies at the library this semester. This is usually perfect on most nights, but today is Friday, and you forgot he would be here. Your eyes land on his back, surveying him at a distance. The fact that he works here doesn’t quite compute with you. He’s built like he should be throwing a ball somewhere, all broad shoulders and toned arms. The sleeves of his olive green sweater are rolled up, emphasizing the lines and ridges of his toned muscles. It’s borderline irritating how good he looks, entirely focused on a mundane task. His blonde hair is somehow perfectly dishevelled, the lean form of his body bent over the desk, filling out some kind of paperwork while you walk in his direction. Usually, you would try to avoid him; talking to people, in general, is not a specialty of yours, let alone talking to someone who seems to have a short fuse.

You wait for a few seconds, thinking he’s got to know you’re there. He had to have heard the door open, right? But he hasn’t turned around yet, and thinking about actually opening your mouth to speak to him felt like the air was getting sucked out of the building. You were already introverted with high anxiety, and you did not need to feel uncomfortable right now, especially under the looming stress of this project which was due in two days. So you waited, hoping the subtle noises you were making, readjusting your bag, and taking a deep breath, would possibly get his attention. Fuck, this is taking too long; I’ve got to say something. “Um...hey.” Jesus Christ, really couldn’t think of anything better to say? You practically sneer at yourself at how lame you sound, but this certainly got his attention. He turned half of his body towards you, one of his scarlet eyes glaring at you over his shoulder. His face was rather expressionless, betraying the scorching feeling his eyes deliver, making you suddenly self-conscious of what you looked like standing in front of him. You didn’t think about what you were wearing when you left your dorm, throwing on a go-to pair of leggings and the first hoodie you saw before storming out of the overly cramped room, leaving the heavy breaths and moans of your neighbour behind you.

“Oi, you need something? Speak up.” Your face immediately flushed. The heat rising up your neck and blooming across your face, triggering your palms to start sweating. You didn’t think you were unnecessarily quiet; it’s a fucking library. You knew he was an asshole, but what the fuck did you do to him? Before you think about it anymore, you shift your thoughts towards how to respond to him, coming up blank. You grip your bag tighter, your mind racking itself, but the anxiety has already caught hold of you, and it’s as if you're stranded on an island with no help in sight. So you resort to your usual defensive mechanism; you bite back.

“So, what...? You want me to scream to get your attention?” He turns his body toward you, putting the full picture of himself on display. You’ve never been this close to him, actively avoiding him after hearing him ream other students out for being too loud or misplacing books. You didn’t realize how intimidating his stature was until now, being less than six feet away from him.

He wasn’t excessively tall, but his posture would convince you otherwise. Even as he leaned back against the length of the desk behind him, he was still probably a handful of inches taller than you. He lifts his glasses to rest on the top of his almost unruly blonde hair as he speaks, “Can’t say why I would find screaming necessary in a library, but if you need something, you should say it clearly so I can help you and not have to spend five minutes of my time explaining common courtesy to someone who knows better.”

Your annoyance is suddenly replaced with rage at his words. What the fuck? Is he trying to put this on me? Doesn’t he fucking work here? Isn’t it his job to pay attention if someone needs help? You’re even more pissed because you wouldn’t have to deal with this shit if you could study in your room. The constant reminder of your roommate getting railed while you were trying to work made that impossible, so here you are. It’s not like you wanted to ask him for help, but you need access to a private study room, and you have to request it from the attendant. Except for tonight, when you’re pent up and stressed, you have to deal with him. “I wouldn’t have to speak up if you were doing your job, asshole.” Fuck. He’s distracting me. I don’t have time for this. You watch his face as one of his eyebrows lift while he places his large hands on the ledge of the desk behind him, baring the outline of his toned chest stretching the fabric of his sweater. “Now, I know you’re not that much of a dumbass. What do you think I was doing before you walked in here and started wasting my time?” Your eyes widen, inadvertently travelling the length of his body, from the smug ass expression resting on his face to his rippling arms, tense as his hands grip the dark wooden desk. For some reason, this annoyed you even more; why did he have to be insulting and infuriatingly attractive?

His lips curl into a smirk, revelling in the glare you’re aiming at him. Dumbass? Is this asshole for real? At this point, he’s pissed you off past the point of giving a fuck. You would’ve walked away by now if you didn’t actually need his help. But if he wants to play this game, fine. A smug smile spreads across your face as you speak, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was speaking to someone who was unable to multitask. Your life must be so hard, huh?” He drops his head, laughing as he pushes himself off the desk, taking a step toward you. Your hands grip your bag tighter as he comes closer, lifting his head so his ruby-coloured eyes meet yours. “That’s pretty fucking hilarious coming from someone who’s at the library in the middle of the night on a fuckin’ Friday.” He straightens up, shoving his hands in his pockets as he continues, “Seems more like your life is hard, and you’re just pissed off about it.” His gaze is piercing, attempting to slice through your facade of confidence, but you’re currently too livid to give a shit. You’re done talking to him, you just need to get into the study room and away from this asshole.

“No,” you seethe, “I’m pissed off because I can’t work in my room, I have shit to do, and this conversation is a waste of time.” You lift your head higher, meeting his gaze as he smirks down at you. “Oh, seems like I’m not the only one who can’t multitask then, huh?” He chuckles, watching you as you fold your arms and turn your head, breaking eye contact with him. “I just need one of the study rooms opened.”

“Oh, so you do need something,” he says, his voice dropping as he leans forward, bringing his face into your line of sight, his sharp features coming into focus. “You said it yourself, you wasted my time, so I think you can ask a little nicer than that.” You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to punch someone more than how much you want to punch his perfectly fucking chiselled jaw in that moment. Regardless of how much his face appeals to your more violent tendencies, you realize you don’t have an option. All of this bullshit will have been for nothing if you’re unable to get into that fucking room. Your jaw clenches, your teeth sinking into the inside of your cheek as your eyes bore into him. You make a point not to break eye contact when you speak through the smile you’ve painted on, “Oh, where are my manners...would you...please...open a study room so that I can get away from you?” You smile wider, contrasting the cold glare you shoot at him as he grins, watching your edges fray. He slides one of his hands out of his pocket, assessing you while he tosses the keys up in his hand, the dull metallic sound of their impact in the palm of his hand, peaking your annoyance further. “Well hell,” he says, “it’s about damn time.”

You roll your eyes as he catches the keys a final time, smirking at you before he turns to exit the enclosed space of the front desk. You readjust your bag and look up to follow him, balking at seeing him walk in front of you. He takes a few steps ahead of you, his coffee colored pants clinging to the muscles of his legs as he heads towards the back of the library where the study rooms are located. Fuck, his ass looks good. You’re grateful when you take a glance around you, suddenly conscious of what your borderline heated exchange probably looked like to anyone who could’ve seen it. Not to mention the fact that it probably definitely looked like you were staring at his ass just now. You refocus, remembering that you’re supposed to be following him. You train your eyes on the back of his neck, trying to keep yourself from fixating on his perfectly sculpted form; when you see him turn his head, eyeing you. His gaze travels up and down, then up to meet your eyes before he speaks, “For someone who claims to dislike wasted time, you sure are slow.”

Fuck. Did he catch me looking at him? Your chest tightens at the thought. Just hurry the fuck up and get to the room so you can do what you came here for. You signal your legs to pick up the pace until you’re almost in stride with him and looking straight ahead. You know where the study rooms are; you just need him to open it for you, but why does it feel like it’s taking forever to get there? Your body grows warmer, anxiety still pumping through you from your previous conversation. Now being alone in this giant space in silence is adding emphasis to the fact that you’re practically alone. You try to distract yourself, feigning interest in the books that line the shelves as you walk past them. We’ve got to be close now; just focus on the room. You look ahead, expecting to see the study rooms’ glass windows but instead are met with more shelves of books. What the fuck? Did they move them? How long have we been walking? You glance over at him, accidentally making eye contact because he was already looking at you.

Without thinking, you look away, and then you hear him speak, “Ya know, no ones usually here at this time on a Friday. Don’t you have better shit to do?” Seriously? If he’s going to be a dick, why is he even wasting his breath talking to me?

“Yeah, well, maybe I don’t,” you bite back, too tangled up in your own thoughts to decipher anything less aggressive, “and I don’t want to be here just as much as you don’t want me to be here.”

He continues walking, and you push ahead of him, attempting to put some distance between you. You don’t need him to lead you to the room; the library is only so big. Getting there on your own and waiting for him to open it would be better than dealing with this bullshit. You see him looking over at you in your peripheral vision as you pass him, and he laughs. “You don’t wanna be here, but all of a sudden, you’re in a hurry. A little conflicting, don’t you think?”

You roll your eyes. Fuck off. Is what you would’ve said if you wanted to continue this conversation. He would definitely have something to say to that. “Are you forgetting that I’ve got what you want?” You stop dead in your tracks and spin on your heels to face him, “Excuse me?” He doesn’t even flinch at your raised tone, you could practically hear your own voice echoing around you as he walks up to you, stopping inches away. He’s so close you can smell him, a warm scent of amber and oak catching you off guard as you hold your ground. His lips lilt into a mocking half-smile as he moves his hand towards you to dangle the keys directly in front of your face. “What? You want to get into the room, don’t you?” Your focus shifts from the keys to his crimson eyes, blurring everything else around you as your body reacts to the heat radiating off of his skin. He feels...warm. I wonder - Your gaze drops to his lips, maddeningly curled into a taunting smirk. “Well, now I’m wondering what you thought I was talking about.”

He pulls the keys into the palm of his hand with a metallic snap, the sound almost making you jump as your eyes widen. You find yourself holding your breath as the tightening in your chest climbs up to your throat. Say something. Fucking anything. Your face must tell him everything he needs to know, because he doesn’t wait for a response. “How’s this, I’ll let you off the hook if you tell me why you’re here, dealing with my bullshit, when you could be studying in your dorm.”

This is none of his fucking business, but it’s easier to answer than the previous question, so fuck it. “I can’t focus there.” He raises an eyebrow at you, clearly not satisfied with your answer. You roll your eyes and sigh, “It’s just...noisy. I can’t think straight.”

He laughs at your response, “Yeah I can see that you're easily distracted.” You feel his eyes hovering over your body before meeting your gaze and shifting his weight to start walking again. You take a deep breath, silently relieved that whatever the fuck that was is over. “There’s this invention,” he says as he walks ahead of you “called headphones, ever thought of using those?” You shoot daggers into the back of his head as he turns the corner and you see the study rooms up ahead. Thank fucking god. He sifts through the keys as he walks, locating the one he needed to open the door. His hands move to slide the key into the lock, “Tch. Unless you’ve got roommates that are loud when they fuck. Headphones might not help much.” You know this is a joke but the heat spreading through your face, and the way your body tenses up catches his attention. “Did I strike a nerve,” he asks, smirking at you as his hand grips the door handle.

“Just open the door.” He raises an eyebrow and you release an exasperated sigh, “Please.”

He swings the door open, holding it open as he waits for you to walk through. Finally. I can get this asshole out of my face and work. You walk towards the door, and you notice he isn’t moving. I can hold the door on my own. Why is he still standing there? As you move you eye the entrance to the room, realizing you’re going to need to get insanely close to him to get through the doorway. Fuck it. Just slip by him and move on. “Listen, I don’t bite,” he says, noticing your moment of hesitation with a sly smile. You roll your eyes, making a point to look him in the eyes as you attempt to get by him. His piercing gaze slices through you, stoking the flames within your core you’ve been harnessing all night; fuck, maybe all semester. You fail to keep the flush from blooming across your face, turning your head away from him as you attempt to brush past him. You can feel him watching you, it feels like heat is emanating from his skin, pulling you closer as you hear a low voice directly in your ear, “Unless you want me to.”

What? It was a split second that you were close enough to hear him. Your breath catches as you finally make it past him, his words echoing in your head. Did he just-? You turn around to face him, “What did you just s-“ but he was already leaving, walking back towards the front of the library, probably to finish working on whatever the hell had him so focused when you arrived earlier.

You turn away, your back towards the floor to ceiling window of the small room as your mind reels from the last thing he said to you. I swear I heard him correctly. But why would he say that? Am I fucking crazy? You mindlessly unpack what you need out of your bag and sit at the desk, trying and failing miserably for almost an hour to focus on your work. You find yourself repeatedly scanning the same page because you can’t stop yourself from looking over your shoulder to see if he’s nearby. You nibble at the tip of your pen, looking at the book in front of you and unable to comprehend a single thing. Your oral fixation is running rampant and your thoughts are nowhere near where they should be when the image of his lips slip into your head. What do they taste like? Your body reacts to the thought, squeezing your thighs together as your core tightens imagining his hands gripping your skin, his teeth sinking into you. Fuck. Fuck!

You turn your head again, wondering if there was any way he would be looking in your direction; his thoughts riddled with the same infuriatingly erotic images on a loop in your head. Then, you see him. His back towards you as he holds a stack of books in one arm to place on the shelves. Your eyes travel down the length of his body, the lines of muscle subtly evident through his clothes. You watch him as he reaches up to a particularly high shelf, and his sweater lifts just enough to see the definition of his lower back. Heat is building inside you, the stirring in your core causing your walls to clench, thinking about raking your nails across his back. Ffuuck...NO. Get your fucking shit together. Why would he want to fuck someone who has nothing better to do than study on a Friday night? Fucking focus. You try to gather your thoughts, but must’ve mistakenly zoned out while you were looking at him, because as soon as your eyes refocus you see his head turned in your direction, one cinder red eye smoldering into you.

Fuck! Your body stiffens, unsure what else to do besides just go back to pretending you were working on this project. That’s basically what you’ve been doing since you sat down anyways. And for what? Just for you to embarrass and distract yourself just enough for this entire ordeal to be a colossal waste of time.You start to gather your things, applying more force than necessary to shove everything back into your bag. Fuck this. I haven’t gotten anything done and it’s been two fucking hours. I should’ve just stayed in my room, used my vibrator and moved on. At least I would’ve been able to think straight.

“You must do that often, huh?”

Your eyes widen and you immediately turn your body towards the source of the voice coming from the doorway. Your eyes land on his waist, then to the large hands in his pockets as he seems to take up all the remaining space in the room. You catch a glimpse of the student ID on the lanyard threaded through his belt loop. Katsuki Bakugo. You didn’t even bother to check the picture before you looked up, eyes connecting with the same asshole smirk you’ve been replaying in your head since you sat down. I didn’t say all of that shit out loud did I?

“What are you talking about,” you snap. You really don’t feel like playing this game with him. You already made up your mind that you were leaving, there was no way in hell you were going to stick around to get made fun of. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Ha. That’s a good question,” he takes a step, crossing the length of the room to lean against the desk inches away from you. “I have a better question though. How long have you been watching me instead of working?”

It feels like your brain short circuits. Did he catch me looking for him earlier? Fuck!

“I-” it suddenly dawns on you that the only way he would’ve seen that is if he was looking at you. You just didn’t see him.

You smile up at him, crossing your arms as you lean back in your chair. “The only way you could even think that, is if you were watching me. So you tell me, Katsuki, how long was it?”

He grins as he places his hands on the edge of the desk on either side of him and leans down towards you, his face inches away from yours. His eyes hold your gaze, his crimson eyes blazing like an unhinged wildfire as he speaks, “See, it’s my job to watch you. I work here, dumbass,” he says, his eyes dropping down to your chest as you cross your arms even tighter. God, I’m such an idiot. Of course he’s watching me because he has to. What the fuck was I thinking? Further embarrassment creeps across your face at the thought of even considering that he wanted you. Then, he leans in closer, the sound of his voice a warm whisper against your ear as he speaks, “What’s your excuse?”

You almost stop breathing. Your thoughts frantically trying to come up with something; anything that wasn’t the truth. You come up blank, your expression must’ve given him the answer he was looking for, because he laughs. He laughs in your face, and as much as you want to be completely pissed off, you’re distracted by the glint of the piercing poised in the center of his tongue. Fuck.

Subduing his laughter he sits up just enough to look down at you, raising an eyebrow as he smirks, “You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? That I was watching you because I wanted to?” You glare at him, the all consuming mixture of rage and embarrassment spreading through you as your face flushes. Your nails are digging into your arms so hard that you can feel it through your sweatshirt. You can’t think of a single thing to say, but your mouth moves without thinking.

Your eyes connect, and you spit out exactly what your mind is silently screaming, “Fuck off.” You make sure you don’t look away, pointedly challenging him to say anything remotely clever in response. The grin spreading across his face is the first sign that you’ve lost that challenge.

“Pretty nasty mouth for someone who’s in the library more often than her own room.”

You flare up, everything you’ve been holding in boiling over as you bite back at him, “You don’t know shit about me,” your voice is tight, and growing louder as you let the words spill out of your mouth, “I’m here all the fucking time because I can’t deal with the fact that I have to watch everyone around me have a life while I bury myself in school. I don’t have friends or shit else to do because I don’t have fucking time. I just want to get through this hell so I can finally just do what I want! So could you, please, get the fuck out of my face so I can go.”

“The door’s right there, you could’ve left a long time ago, but here we are,” he says, his smirk dripping with sarcasm.

I’m so fucking done with this shit. You move to get up, grabbing your bag off of the desk as you turn towards the door. Your hand is reaching for the doorknob when you hear his voice again.

“Did you not hear me?”

“Loud and fucking clear. I’m leaving aren’t I?”

“For someone who’s so fucking smart you really are a dumbass,” he says, standing as he takes a step towards you.

Why haven’t you left yet? Why haven’t you opened the door and - It hits you. You replay his words in your mind, picking up on something you were too pissed off to realize until this moment.

You turn around to face him, and you’re eye level with his shoulders, inches away from you. The warm amber scent of him enveloping you as your gaze travels up his neck to the angle of his jaw, finally making eye contact as you speak, “How would you know I’m here more often than my own room?”

“Tch. Like I said before, I work here,” he says, before moving closer, the heat of his breath brushing against your face as he continues, “but I’ll admit getting to see you makes my job less shitty.”

Your chest tightens, the fluttering in your core enough to make your pulse quicken as your lips part slightly.

He’s watching your face, smirking as your body tenses up when he closes the space between you. “But if you really want to leave...” he whispers against your skin, careful not to touch you as you look up at him with pleading eyes. He brings his lips a breadth away from yours, dropping his gaze to your mouth. “I’m going to fuck you on the desk.” he says, his hands still in his pockets as his words melt into you, “If you don’t want me to, tell me right fucking now.”

He’s so close to you, all you had to do was tilt your head up just a little more and your lips would touch. The thought invaded your mind, your breath catching in your throat as your body reacted to his words, tightening your core to the point of aching. You lift your eyes to meet the heat of gaze as you speak, “Do it, then-“

“Fucking finally,” he growls, his voice raspy and low as he makes contact, his lips moving against yours as the palms of his hands travel up to your face. They slide into your hair at the nape of your neck, collecting it in his fist, while the other hand grips your hips. He pulls you into him, moving you against the wall adjacent to the door. Your back meets the wall, the impact strong enough to make sound and your mind is blank. The feeling of his hands, his lips, his body pressed against yours, overwhelming your senses as you grasp onto the fabric of his sweater. His kiss is hungry and breathless, low groans vibrating against your lips as his pierced tongue slips between them, tasting the heat of your wet mouth.

You whimper into him, your body on fire from the inside out as the thin thread of self control you have left is priming to snap. His lips curl up into a smirk at the sounds lilting out of you and a growl ripples through him as he bites your bottom lip hard enough for you to open your eyes. He releases you, his breaths heavy as he presses his forehead against yours. His scarlet irises bore into you as he speaks, “We’re going to have to do something about all that fucking noise you’re making,” he smirks, his eyes traveling from your swollen lips to your legs, taking note of how tightly you’re clenching your thighs together. “You’re a mess already aren’t you?” His breathy laugh brushes against your face as he pulls away hooking his index fingers into the waistband of your leggings and tugging just enough for them to snap back once he releases.

A soft gasp escapes your lips at the impact against your sensitive skin, the heat pooling between your thighs as your insides clench. Your body is screaming, begging for him to touch you and your mouth moves on its own. “Please,” you whisper up at him, your hands finding the hem of his sweater as you spread your fingers against his skin, feeling every ridge of hardened muscle beneath it.

He drops his gaze down to your hands as your fingertips explore the surface of his skin. A low rumble vibrates through his chest, as his eyes sear into you, “Don’t forget, you fucking asked for this.” His hands move, pulling your sweatshirt over your head and dropping it onto the floor before he leans into you, pushing his leg between your thighs while he holds both your wrists in one hand above your head against the wall. His other hand grips your hip, his fingertips digging into your skin as his lips meets your neck.

You start to move against him, trying to get a taste of the friction your body is aching for while he teases your neck with open mouth kisses. His breath is hot against your skin, teeth sinking into you, as low groans escape his lips. He feels so fucking good and you haven’t been fucked in so long you might cum before he even gets to feel how wet you are. His lips move up to your ear, his voice low as his breath caresses your skin, “You’re riding my thigh like it’s something else, baby girl.” The hand gripping your hip slides under your shirt as he speaks, palming your breast while he kisses the space behind your ear. His teeth graze against your skin as a rippling growl erupts from him, pulling a whimper from your lips while your pussy grinds against his thigh.

You can feel the length of his hardening cock against your leg as you press yourself against him. He pinches your nipple, igniting every nerve in your body as he grins against your skin, feeling your body bend for him. A gasping moan escapes your lips, the sound filling the space around you as your head drops back against the wall. He pulls his head back just enough to watch your reaction; your eyes squeezed shut as your whines spill from your open mouth. “I can feel your pussy clenching for me, y/n,” he says, his lips trailing down your exposed neck as his hand moves to your other hardened nipple. The pressure he applies is sharp and delicious causing every muscle in your body to tighten, your panting breaths mingling with his hums of satisfaction as he feels you on the edge of unraveling at his touch.

“Fuck...ha...hahh...Katsuki...” You’re on your tiptoes relishing in the feeling of his teasing fingers as your insides coil imagining the feeling of him stretching you out. He grinds against you, his arousal pressing against your leg as your nails dig into the palms of your hands. “Mmm, You’re so fucking sexy, so desperate for this fucking cock aren’t you?”

Your lips are moving before you think, your mind consumed with the heat swelling inside you, “Yes...yes...please.” You lean forward in an attempt to meet his lips but he pulls away, releasing your hands as he moves to grip your hips. You let out a small yelp when he picks you up under your ass, and turns to put you on top of the desk. His hands slide down to the crook of your legs as he stands between them, eyeing you beneath his lashes when he speaks, “Pull them down.” You lean back, searching his face as you try to collect your thoughts. You must’ve taken longer than he wanted because he leans in, placing his hand on the wall behind you as his crimson eyes burn into yours, “You’re taking your sweet fucking time, and you’re already soaked down here?”

His fingers move to your warm center, feeling your arousal soaking through your leggings as he presses circles against your aching clit. Your legs involuntarily squeeze around his hips as his hand drops from the wall to grip a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back to make you look at his face as his voice drops, “Spread...your fucking...legs.” Your pulse quickens, your blood heating up as he slows the pace of the pressure he’s circling around your clit and you whimper up at him, giving into the ripples of pleasure coursing through your body.

You want more, you lean back on your hands, hips moving to the rhythm his fingers play against your drenched core as your pleading eyes meet his gaze. You’re in a fucking library, in a room with a huge ass window. But the thought of someone seeing you makes your pulse speed up, sending a heightened thrum of pleasure streaming through you, “Hnnngh...ffuckk…” your hips move faster, cloying for more pressure, more friction, more feeling. Katsuki notices your body’s reaction, tightening his hold on your hair, causing your eyes to squeeze shut from the slight prickle of pain. “You wanna cum so fucking bad don’t you? That pussy of yours is begging for this fucking cock.” All you can do is pant in response, your eyes opening to see his face, smirking down at you as his fingers push harder, “Show me, show me how much you want it so I can see that dripping pussy.”

A breathy moan slips out of your throat as you sit up to push the fabric of your leggings down to your ankles. Katsuki releases his hold on your hair, watching your every movement as his gaze drops down to the essence glistening against your swollen lips. You hear his sharp intake of breath, the air hissing between his teeth as his eyes hungrily take you in before he meets your gaze again. His hooded eyes are a shadowed crimson, the heat rising up to your cheeks as you squirm beneath him.

One of his hands moves to grip the top of your thigh, the pads of his fingers digging into your skin as he slips two fingers from his other hand into his mouth. Your pussy tightens, watching him give his fingers a gentle suck as his gaze locks onto yours. The image is lethal, your breath catching at the sight of his wet fingers sliding past his lips and dropping to your aching pussy to tease your entrance. “Fuck, you’re so fucking wet baby,” he hisses between his teeth, as he pinches your clit, the pressure enough to pull a gasping moan from your throat.

Your eyes flutter closed as you stifle a moan and lean your head back against the wall. His fingers maddeningly toy with you as you hear him unbuckle his belt. Sheer curiosity makes your eyelids hover open as you look down, taking in the size of him, his hand wrapping around his thick shaft and gliding over the prominent veins to his cherried swollen tip, dripping pre. You want to taste him so badly, your mouth begins to water and all you can think about is feeling his throbbing cock inside you. You don’t give a fuck if it barely fits. Your pussy clenches at the thought, wordlessly begging to be stuffed to the brim.

A low growl ripples through his chest, “I don’t even have to look at your face to know your pussy’s begging for this cock.” He thumbs the throbbing head of his dick, swirling the pre around his tip while his eyes bore into you. You couldn’t look away from his gaze if you wanted to, even as his fingers leave your aching core to pull you down with a rough tug at the crook of your legs, forcing your ass to the edge of the desk. He leans over your body, bringing his face inches away from yours, sliding a pre soaked thumb into your awaiting mouth flattening your tongue against his calloused finger. You wrap your lips around it, gently sucking and swirling your tongue, tasting his arousal for the first time.

A low moan rises from your throat, vibrating around him as you watch his eyes darken. He presses down against your tongue, forcing your mouth open as he growls, “Mmm you’re a naughty little slut aren't you...” His words send your insides fluttering, your hands balling into fists as your muscles tighten, your walls clamping around nothing but air as you pout. You don’t give a fuck anymore. Someone could stand directly in front of that massive fucking window and record the whole fucking thing. It doesn’t matter. You want him, right fucking now. You roll your hips, grinding your wet pussy against his hard cock. His dick twitches in response grinding through your slit and hitting your clit sending a simpering moan spilling from your open mouth.

You feel him press harder against your tongue and his voice drops, “Such a fucking tease,” he slides his length through your swollen lips, his heat seeping into you as he whispers, “You want this fucking cock? Let’s see how quiet you can be and maybe, I’ll let you cum.” He releases your tongue, slipping his hand under your shirt to swirl his slick fingers around your nipple. You bite your lip, attempting to silence the whimpers rising from your throat as your back arches at his touch, your hands craving to touch him. You reach up, sliding your hands under the fabric of his sweater as you drag your nails down his back. A guttural growl emanates from his chest as he ruts against you, every ridge of his thick cock sliding into your clit.

You can feel yourself melting beneath his hands, his fingers tugging at your nipples as his body moves down leaving soft bites and licks in his wake. The heat of his breath and the cool kiss of the metal stud in his tongue meets your dripping center and it’s enough to send goosebumps flooding across your skin. In one swift motion he’s on his knees between your legs, the back of your thighs resting on his shoulders and his hands gripping you to pull your plush wet lips closer to his smirking mouth. Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m not going to be able to- “Shhhh,” you watch his lips as he smiles, looking directly at you. You swallow the moan threatening to escape your lips but your shallow breaths are giving you away, he fucking knows I won’t be able to take this...

Then, he’s inhaling you, his tongue slipping into your clenching pussy, licking from your entrance to your clit while he looks directly into your eyes as he pulls away, “Fuck. You taste so fucking good.” His voice is heated and low, the evidence of your arousal glistening on his lips as he speaks. The image sends your insides fluttering, your muscles tensing down to your toes as your legs attempt to constrict around him. You’re squirming already but he’s got you pinned, wide open and spread out, at the mercy of his vicious fucking mouth.

He doesn’t give you a chance to catch your breath before he’s latching onto you, his hot wet tongue delving into your silky walls as his piercing vibrates against you with even the slightest groan. You gasp for air, eyes squeezed shut, fingers intertwined in his hair you grind into him, completely blissed out and swimming in the waves of pleasure ebbing through you with every flick and suck. You’re a fucking mess, trying to maintain some modicum of control as he mercilessly swirls his tongue around your pulsing clit. His teeth nestle around it, gently rolling your bundle of nerves between them as he flicks his piercing against you, pulling a low groan from the depths of your core.

He growls, licking your pussy from your clenching entrance to your base of your clit before he looks up at you, “How am I gonna fuck you if you can’t keep quiet with just my fucking tongue, hmm?” The loss of pressure makes you whine, you’re so fucking close. He smirks at you, one of his hands releases your thigh, dropping down to push two of his thick fingers into your warm weeping center. His eyes follow his movements, watching as you take him in, curling his fingers to brush against your most sensitive spot as he slides in and out of you. It’s too much, but you choke down the sobbing whimper cloying in your throat. Your legs shake, breasts heaving as your panting breaths quicken with every thrust of his fingers. You’re biting your lip so hard to keep quiet you might draw blood, but you lean back, putting your weight on your hands to lift your hips and roll into him, letting his long fingers push deeper inside you.

You clamp down around him, your body begging for more; more feeling, more friction, more pressure, you want every little piece of it. You’re at the edge of your control, your mouth falling open in a silent moan as your eyes flutter closed and your head falls back. You can feel him watching you, humming his approval as his other hand releases your leg, “Mmmm, such a good fucking girl with this greedy fucking pussy. You wanna cum for me don’t you...?”

“Yes-yess, pleeease...haah-fuck, FUCK.”

He breathes a soft laugh over your sopping pussy before he devours your soft lips hungrily, lapping up your slit as the rhythm of his fingers speed up.

“Hnnngh...hah-haah, please-fuck, fuck, fuck!”

He’s drowning you, your senses overflowing with the feeling of heat through your body, pushing you to the brink of release. Your pussy clenches around him, his tongue sending sparks through every nerve, punishing you with his thrumming piercing as he moves to sit up on his knees, pushing further into you. He knows you’re close; his hand slides up your body, his nails dragging across your skin until he reaches your lips, sliding two of his fingers into your panting mouth.

He moans into you, making his piercing vibrate faster. Your mouth waters as you wrap your tongue around his fingers, nibbling and sucking on them. You’re a mess, unable to conjure anything except slurred muffled groans around his thick fingers. His lips pull away just enough for you to feel him growl at you.

“Cum for me, right fucking now.”

Fuck...fuckfuckfuck! Your body reacts to his words, wrapping both hands around his arm, digging your nails into his skin as your climax crashes into you. You’re struggling for air but you don’t need it, the blinding light behind your eyelids rippling with the waves of pleasure imploding from your core. He doesn’t stop, his fingers milking your insides, extending your orgasm for everything you’ve got until he slips them out of you, only to delve into your tightening entrance with his tongue, lapping up every drop of your cum.

“So fucking sweet,” he breathes, slipping his fingers out of your mouth, using both of his hands to push the back of your thighs up, inhaling everything you have left as the last tremors spiral out of your body. Eyes closed, floating in the afterglow of your release, you feel him pull your legs back down as he stands in one swift motion. He grips the top of your thighs, roughly tugging you down until your throbbing core kisses the ridges of his dick. Your eyes snap open. Fuck, he’s fucking huge.

Your expression must’ve voiced your thoughts because he expels are a breathy laugh, “You feel that don’t you, how fucking hard I am from tasting your perfect fucking pussy.” His cock twitches against you and your hips roll into him as you moan, gripping the edge of the desk with both hands as you look up at him. Your legs wrap around his waist, tightening from the flush of heat emanating from your core. You want him inside you, to feel the mind numbing combination of pleasure and pain as he stretches you out.

Your voice is a whimper, “Katsuki….please.” You continue to grind against him, your arousal and his dripping pre making you slick and hot. A guttural growl rips through his chest as he leans over you, the palm of his hand slamming on the wall as he brings his lips to your ear. Your body stills, your breaths coming in shallow pants as his muscle toned body presses against you, “Please, what? Tell me what you want, y/n.”

His tongue flicks at your neck, making your words come out in gasps, “Fuck...fuck me...please, please…” Your hands glide beneath the fabric of his sweater, splaying out to pull him closer into you while your nails dig into him. Your back bows off the surface of the desk, tightening your legs around him trying to gain more friction to appease your swollen clit.

“Be a good girl,” he breathes into your ear, “ and control that pretty mouth of yours or I’ll have to do it for you.”

You bite your lip, your need for him coiling inside you as you feel him push himself up far enough for you to feel him hovering over you. Your eyes meet and his hand moves to position himself into you. The head of his cock presses against your soaking entrance, slowly slipping into you as you fight the low moan rising from your throat. He hisses between his teeth as he watches you, “Fuck, you’re so fucking tight.” Both of his hands press into the desk, his arms caging you in, as he looks between your bodies, watching himself ease into you inch by inch. He’s already stretching you out, your velvet walls clenching around him as his wet cock slides inside of your clenching pussy. The muscles in his arms tighten, his body tensing as he begins to move his hips, pushing further into you.

“You’re clamping down on me and I’m not even all the way in yet,” he smirks at you, watching your face flush as your pulse quickens. Fuck...he’s going to fucking break me. But you’re too far gone, you want him, and your body speaks for you, lifting your hips as your nails claw into his back. A growl rips through his chest as his head dips, bringing his forehead to yours, “You want it? Okay then…”

Before you’re able to take another breath, he snaps his hips, pulling a yelp from your mouth when he bottoms out inside you. “Fffuck, you feel so fucking good.” You’re whining, struggling to accommodate his size but relishing in the mind numbing feeling of fullness your pussy was already becoming addicted to. “Not so cocky once that pretty little cunt is fucking full, huh?”

The only response you can offer is a whimper as he starts to move. He rotates his hips, grinding deeper into you, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix. You turn your head, your eyes squeezing shut as you try to stifle the sounds rising from your throat. Your open mouth meets his arm and your teeth sink into him as he pulls out just enough to slam back into you hitting your limit. It takes everything in you not to cry out, but the pain is dulled by the overwhelming feeling of pleasure each deep powerful thrust rains down on you.

“Haah-hah, fuck baby, you’re taking me so well.” His movements find a rhythm, rolling his hips again and again filling you to the brim with every snap. The curve of his cock pushes his tip against your most sensitive spot, stirring your insides, making your body temperature rise with every panting breath. The feeling is intoxicating, drunk on the way your bodies move together, every nerve firing, desperate to drink him in more. You roll your hips, taking the full impact of every merciless thrust, your breath hitching as you choke back a sob. Your nails drag across the span of his back as you hear him hiss through his teeth. His muscles tense, back arching as a growl vibrates through his body. “Ah- FUCK. Ooooh, you want it don’t you. Yeah? You want it?”

“Katsuki, please, I want- I want more.” You’re a sputtering mess, your walls fluttering around his hard cock as he pushes off the desk, gripping your thighs in both of his massive hands. He pulls you further down bringing your ass off the edge of the desk. Your body is completely at his mercy as he pushes deeper into you, his fingertips digging into your skin as his pace speeds up. You don’t have time to adjust to his movements, he drives into you, snapping his hips, impaling you over and over.

“Ahh-ah-fffucckk,” you moan, failing miserably at staying quiet, it’s fucking impossible. It feels too good, you’re too full, overflowing with the sensations pulsing through your body. You grab onto the edge of the desk, fingers gripping the wood as his heavy sack smacks against your ass. “Mmmm,” he growls, What? Can't fucking take it? Fuck- cant control that slutty fucking mouth can you? Pussy drooling all over my fucking cock.” He lifts your shirt with one hand pulling it up to your open mouth and you immediately bite down, the fabric doing everything it can to muffle your stuttering moans.

“That’s right. Such a good fucking girl,” his fingers trail down your body, groping your breasts, pinching your nipples as every ridge of his cock fills all the space you have inside you. “Fuck- your so fucking sexy baby- you wanna cum don’t you...keep biting down on that fucking shirt.” You’re so close, so fucking close, the coil in your core threatening to snap. He feels you clamp down on him, moving one hand to press down on your stomach and the other to your throbbing clit.

The pressure pushes your spot against his dick, his punishing thrusts slamming into it every time as he rubs maddening circles around your clit. “Hnnnnf-hnnnngh!” Your shirt muffles your sobs as you squeeze your eyes closed, the tears prickling at the corners as your back arches, your head thrown back as far as it can go. “Fuck yes- cum on this cock baby...cum for me.”

His words are your undoing, any ounce of control you have left exploding into the myriad of colors flashing behind your eyes. The thin thread at the base of your spine snaps, catapulting you into the stratosphere, overheating and gasping for air. The feeling saturates you, expelling any and every thought your mind could attempt to conjure. You squeeze your legs around him, every muscle in your body tightening as your pussy clamps down on his throbbing dick.

“Fuck- FUCK-mmmm, get ready to swallow every drop of this fucking cum baby.” His voice washes over you, the waves of your orgasm still rippling through your body as you feel him slide out of you. He hooks a finger in the neckline of your shirt, pulling you to sit up as he steps back between your legs. Your eyes land on his straining cock, slick from your arousal and the dripping pre his hand is fisting up and down his shaft. “Open...your fucking…mouth.”

You want to taste him, your mouth waters watching his cock twitch in his hands. Your body is so fucking spent, your legs would give out if you tried getting on your knees. You push your ass back, hinging at the hips and leaning forward, looking up at him through your lashes as you hold your tongue out of your open mouth for him. “Ughggh, fuck,” he groans, watching you as the heat from your breath caresses his dick.

His hand moves faster, his breath catching as his muscles tense. “Fuck-FUCK- you’re so fucking sexy baby, you’re gonna take all this fucking cum aren’t you...yeah? Show me...wrap those lips around my dick baby.” Your insides flutter as you swirl your tongue around the swollen pink head of his cock, tasting the mixture of his pre and your arousal. You inhale the intoxicating scent of him before hollowing your cheeks and taking in as much of him as you can. “Hah-haah, just like that baby-FUCK.” He moves his hand from the base of his dick to the back of your head, your eyes widening as he starts to thrust into your mouth.

His other hand rests under your throat, holding you still while he face fucks you. A low moan rises in your throat, vibrating around his cock as his uneven breaths melt into groans and hisses. “So fucking perfect,” he’s panting, his voice raspy and rumbling, “Taste your slutty fucking pussy on my cock baby?- haah-hah- all this cum I’m gonna shoot down your throat’s cus’ve you.” He’s thrusting harder, his pace speeding up as he stretches you out, hitting the back of your throat. You gag around him, your saliva dripping from the corners of your mouth as tears begin to fall, “Choke on that cock baby, that’s right- take - all of it- fuck, Fuck-FUCK!”

The hand on the back of your head fists your hair as he throws his head back, all of his muscles tensing up as he bucks into your mouth spraying hot thick ropes of cum down your throat. You swallow every drop of him, his chest heaving with his heavy breaths as he slides his dick out of your mouth and pulls your hair, making you sit up. His lips crash into yours, his tongue lapping into your mouth, tasting the remains of your combined arousal. He releases the grip on your hair, bringing his hand down to your cheek. His touch is surprisingly gentle as he pulls you in further, sighing into you before he pulls away.

You look up, your gaze meeting the smirk on his face before noticing the smug fucking look in his eyes. You roll your eyes, curling your lips into a grin, “What’s that look for?”

“You had a hard time staying quiet in public,” he says, smiling mischievously at you. “I’m wondering what you’d sound like if I fucked you somewhere else.”

Your eyes narrow. How is he still such a sexy fucking asshole. “I wouldn’t mind testing that theory,” you say, smirking as you lean in, looking up at him, legs dangling off the desk.

"Tch," Katsuki eyes you, his scarlet eyes scanning your body as he steps out from between your legs, pulling his pants up and buckling his belt. He looks over at you, "Then, I don’t know what you’re still sitting there for. I’ve gotta clean up the mess you made.”

You grin at him, the irony of him fucking you until your neighbors can hear you screaming almost makes you laugh, pushing the thought of your class project completely out of your mind.

Tags: @sweet-darling91 @aztecbrujeria @tarot-milktea I love you guys 💜 If anyone else wants to be tagged lmk :)

[britishassistant]

The Villainous Paranoiac Has Visitors

You’re a fool.

A blind, tunnel-visioned, desperate fool.

There’s no one you can blame for this mess but yourself.

You were moronic enough to think that a promise would’ve been enough to stop Grim from going after more overblot stones.

And now where are you?

Lying in a bed in the infirmary, bandages and gauze wrapped around you from your collarbone to your chin, because the one creature in this fucked up magic world that you were stupid enough to trust unconditionally tried to rip out your throat over a rock.

Your neck aches. You’re so tired it feels like you can barely even move. Your head is a weird weight of white noise, making it hard to think about anything other than your current predicament and how you should’ve seen it coming a mile away. How you should’ve stopped it.

Maybe—maybe it was because you’d made him hold out too long. Maybe that’s it. Maybe you were wrong to make him swear not to eat any more, and him lashing out at you over Vil-senpai’s stone was just-just temptation that had been pushed too far. Why weren’t you looking after him more closely anyway? You’re his supervisor, you’re supposed to make sure Grim doesn’t get into trouble, you should’ve noticed he was gone sooner. Then maybe this whole mess wouldn’t have happened. And it’s not like Grim wasn’t working hard to uphold your deal, you were the one who wasn’t meeting his efforts halfway. After all, he hadn’t eaten anything after Jamil-senpai’s overblot, had he?

...

Had he?

No stone ever turned up after Jamil-senpai’s overblot.

And you were so out of it that night, riding out the aftereffects of the overblot’s venom and the anti-venom warring in your system.

Grim could’ve easily left during the night and eaten it, and so long as you never asked, never pressed him about it, you’d have been none the wiser.

And you didn’t ask. You just trusted him.

You’re a fool. A pathetic, misguided, twisted, worthless fool.

Your family was right about you.

You would grind the heels of your hands into your eyes, but even lifting your arms towards your face feels like more effort than you can spare right now. Luckily it takes no effort to stare up at the ceiling and just hate yourself for your stupidity.

You’d have thought you would have learned that trusting people is an awful idea already. Hopefully this will finally get the message through your thick skull—

“Yuu?”

You tilt your head and blink up at Deuce. He grins, blindingly bright. “Guys, he’s awake!”

You weakly smile back, ruthlessly squashing the urge to correct him.

Epel pushes the divider back as he rounds it, pretty face worried. “Prefect, how are you feeling? Nurse Kamac said you lost a lot of blood.”

“M okay.” You mumble back, your tongue feeling thick and sluggish in your mouth.

“What the hell happened to you, Prefect?” Deuce moves to pull up a chair and sit down next to you, shooting you doubtful looks. “Was it an attack by another overblot or something? Some kind of monster? Did you get jumped by some punks from RSA?”

You wonder what you should tell them. You know that all you have to do is tell him the truth, say the word, and they’ll all be off after Grim like a group of hunting dogs, just like when you used to ask Ace and Deuce to help you catch him back at the start of the school year.

But Grim might get hurt. Or he might hurt them.

Can you put them through that?

Ace collides with the foot of the bed, interrupting your internal debate, eyes wide and panting. “Guys, bad news. Crewel’s outside asking for us, he looks pissed.”

Deuce and Epel stiffen in tandem, darting nervous glances towards the door like the potions and alchemy teacher will burst in at any moment. “What’d you do?!” Deuce hisses.

“How’d you know it wasn’t you, ass?!” Ace protests. “Seriously, we can’t keep him waiting! I think he’s even madder than the time Grim turned his coat pink and green.”

All four of you shudder collectively.

Epel grabs Deuce’s arm, squaring his shoulders. “We just gotta—need to see what Professor Crewel wants right? It may not even be us he’s piss—irritated at. Just gotta man up and face him.”

Deuce nods, even though he looks like he really, really doesn’t want to. He and Ace follow Epel away from your bed and towards the infirmary exit. You loll your head back onto your pillows and resume your staring at the ceiling.

“But Ace, no one’s...?”

“What the—?!”

There’s a bang as the infirmary doors slam shut.

You look over in time to see Ace slide a mop through the door handles, and drag a chair over to prop under them. He then points his magic pen at it all and a padlocked chain loops itself around the whole affair and clicks shut. You can hear Deuce and Epel hammering on the other side, demanding he open up.

“Ace?” You struggle to sit up, your throat aching. “What—”

“Shh, sh, easy, we gotta be quick.” He darts over you, helping you to sit up and pulling up the pillows behind you to lean back against. “Do you need me to get your shirt for you?”

“W-what?” Your brain is still struggling to catch up.

Ace gestures impatiently to your chest.

You look down.

Oh.

Oh.

You look back up at Ace, cold sweat drenching you.

Please no. Not him too.

Ace reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls something out—!

He holds up your binder. “Figured Kamac might not have let you keep it. It hurts your ribs, right?”

Wait. What?

“H-how...?” You stutter, fumbling with the buttons at your collar.

He shoots you a look. “I basically carried you back here from Dwarf Mines. It was easy to tell something was up when Kamac wouldn’t let me or Deuce stay in the room while you were getting patched up. Plus this was kinda dangling out your back pocket when you came out”

Well. That’s. That’s...

“Look are we doing this or not?!” Ace hisses, shooting a nervous glance back at the door where Deuce and Epel’s voices are being joined by others and growing louder. You think you hear Kalim-senpai’s twittering, Vil-senpai barking orders, and Jamil-senpai’s drawl.

You begin working on your buttons with newfound determination.

Ace helps you get your head through the top hole of the binder without pulling on the bandages around your neck too much.

You struggle your arms through the arm holes, and then shrug the hospital pajama shirt back on. He’s already done over half the buttons by the time you’ve recovered from your discombobulation.

“Feel okay? Not hurting your breathing or anything?” You nod, still disoriented. “Okay, let’s just get you back under the covers, and then I’ll let in the circus.”

There’s another metallic clang from the door and a cry of pain that sounds worryingly like Ashengrotto-senpai.

“W-why?” You rasp, an odd swooping feeling catapulting in your stomach, like you’ve just jumped off the bleachers again. “Why would you...?”

Ace heaves a sigh and gives you a look normally reserved for Deuce and Grim. “Because you’re my friend, you little dumbass. Getting something like this for you isn’t a big deal or anything.”

You gape at him so hard it feels like your eyes are burning.

Something inside you feels impossibly, uncontrollably warm.

Turns out getting a lump in your throat really hurts when you’re recovering from having it slashed open.

“Aw, jeez, what’s with the waterworks?!” Ace leans over you, ungloved hand swiping at the tears on your cheeks. “C’mon Yuu, if they get back in here and see you crying, you know Deuce’ll kill me.”

“Good. ‘S a-all your fault. I won’t f-forgive you until you give me a hug, you big jerk.” You sniffle, opening your arms and holding them out.

He huffs a laugh, before following your orders. “You’re a tyrant, ya know that? You’re as bad as Vil-senpai and Dorm Head Riddle.”

“I’m worse than they could ever be.” You mumble, hiding your burning eyes in his shoulder. “Don’t you forget it.”

“Oi, you better not be wiping your nose on my jacket!” He tries to shrug you off gently. He still hasn’t stopped hugging you though. “Get your snot and tears offa me!”

You cling onto him tighter, unable to stop giggling even as a few hysterical tears slip down your cheeks. “Suffer.”

“Tyrant.” He fakes an exasperated groan, but you can feel him chuckling along with you.

There’s not many things you can think of that would ruin this moment.

“King’s Roar.”

...Being bathed in sand as the doors to the infirmary disintegrate certainly wasn’t one you had in mind, though it does the trick well enough.

Lucky you had Ace hugging you to act as a human shield for the worst of it.

He sputters once the deluge has subsided, shaking his head and rudely dumping the excess sand into your lap. “Ugh, senpai, what the hell?! Would it have killed you to wait one minute?!”

“You take too long.” Leona-senpai shrugs, pocketing his magic pen again and sauntering in to stretch out on the empty bunk next to you. “These guys wouldn’t stop whining until I did something.”

Deuce rushes over to your bedside with Epel and Kalim close behind him, kneeling down next to you. “Prefect, are you okay?! What’d he do to you?!”

“His eyes are all red an’ swollen!” Epel points out before you can say anything. “Ace, you bas—”

“Epel.” Vil-senpai stalks in, looking much better since you last saw him at VDC. Healthier, somehow. “But yes, Potato #1, what exactly were you playing at, locking everyone out like that?”

Ace stammers under Vil-senpai’s cold glare, so you take pity on him, clearing your throat weakly. “Ace just didn’t want any witnesses to him fussing over me. He’s allergic to showing kindness, after all.”

For some reason, being able to say that and have Ace elbow you playfully makes you feel...buoyant, somehow.

Everyone stares at you. The weight of their disbelief is heavy.

Kalim places his hands over yours. “Yuu, you don’t have to be afraid to tell us the truth! You’re among friends here!”

“Oi!” Ace protests.

“Who’re you calling ‘friend’?” Leona-senpai interjects, because he’s still a huge bag of dicks.

Ashengrotto-senpai has his magic pen in its cane form and is leaning on it heavily, limping. “I wouldn’t worry Kalim-san. I’m sure whatever the Prefect experienced can’t be worse than having a cauldron drop on you.”

Deuce inches closer to hide behind you and Epel sheepishly.

“Technically Azul, it was rebounded onto you off the doors of the infirmary.” Jade-senpai interjects cheerfully, switching a bouquet from one hand to the other. “Though I’m sure Spade-san would be glad to reimburse us for damages through labor if necessary~”

Deuce lets out a squeak.

“Eeeeh~~ Crab-chan, were you doing something naaauughty with Shrimy all alone in here~?” Floyd-senpai drapes himself over Ace’s shoulders, arms looping around him. “No faaaaaiiir, I wanna play too~~”

Ace stiffens, face growing to match his hair as Floyd-senpai’s arms begin to tighten. “J-Jamil-senpai—!”

Jamil-senpai cruelly ignores him. “Kalim, make sure you’ve still got your magic pen when we leave. The Prefect might try to add to his collection.”

You shoot him a look. “When are you going to let that go?”

He sits on the end of your bed and smiles sweetly at you. “When you stop making a nuisance of yourself by sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, Prefect.”

You try to dissect that statement, then give up and settle for attempting to kick him off the bed. You only end up depositing more sand into your lap under the covers.

He laughs at you, because for all his talk about reputation, Jamil-senpai is also a huge bag of dicks.

The dust and sand irritates your nose and throat, making you cough hard. It’s not as bad as it was after Vil-senpai’s overblot, but you feel the warning tugs on your weakened lungs and torn throat. You gratefully accept the glass of water Epel hands you, gulping it down.

The sand around you gently shifts and seeps out from under and on top of your covers as you swallow, pooling into a large pile at your bedside.

Leona-senpai’s tail flickers as he tucks his magic pen back away and pretends to be sleeping again.

Deuce begins to fret over you, taking the empty cup from your hands and ineffectually trying to fluff your pillows. You let him hover as Ace rolls his eyes and playfully ribs at him for his mother-henning.

Jade-senpai places the bouquet in a small vase on the table next to you with Vil-senpai and Epel fussing over the arrangement every time Floyd-senpai delights in deliberately poking the flowers out of alignment.

Kalim-senpai promises to bring you a carpet next time, maybe even an elephant if you want, much to Jamil-senpai’s dismay. Ashengrotto-senpai begins trying to negotiate for even more presents.

Leona-senpai half-heartedly growls at everyone to shut up and let him sleep.

You’re a fool if you think trusting these people will turn out any better than trusting Grim did.

But somehow, you feel like you’d rather be a fool and enjoy the warmth blooming in your chest right now rather than anything else.

[nicksreggies]

Okay but like can you imagine if jatp took place in normal 2020?? Julie's just quarentined with these dumbass ghosts??

Y E S

like carlos and ray swear julie’s going insane, she keeps talking to herself but i mean who isn’t

and she’s trying to focus during online classes but those idiots keep playing pounding rock music at noon????? will they please shut up???

maybe ray’s had a tough day and he’s exhausted, not really willing to cook, but a warm meal appears on the table at dinner time.

julie begs the boys to each take up a hobby or SOMETHING

reggie starts making friendship bracelets

luke devotes his afterlife to researching music in the last twenty five years

and alex goes on walks a l l t h e t i m e (where he meets a certain skateboarder)

the boys also discover netflix and become obsessed

julie has to lecture them about watching the umbrella academy at one in the morning on her laptop

(they don’t listen)

reggie’s favorite is pogo, luke’s is allison, or diego, he can’t choose and alex’s is ben

but they all have a soft spot for klaus

reggie likes to make commentary about the kids in her classes, staring at the little zoom squares he’s always extremely nice to a certain blonde guitarist

elsie stop turning everything into nickinald challenge

they haunt julie’s strictest teachers for fun, like screwing up their wifi so they can’t access the zoom call, therefore giving jules a free afternoon

when they find out about trevor + haunt him, he can’t go see his therapist so they just watch as he bakes dozens of loaves of bread at three in the morning

julie misses morning classes to comfort alex when he finds out whitney houston passed

they become famous through tiktok and youtube, since they can’t perform real gigs, and luke quickly becomes the new zac efron

willie’s in one of their videos, willex turns into the internet’s otp but some lalexes still bother them on twitter

screw u for making me want this so bad anon