#everyone else is scared of it (understandably so) but i find it so fucking funny

[literaryavenger]

Can I be him?

Summary: When Bucky finds something of yours, he hopes against hope that you feel the same way about him.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced!Fem!Reader

Warnings: Language cause it's me. Fluff. A lot of angst. Idiots in love. Self-deprecating thoughts, both reader and Bucky. No use of Y/N. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 4.8K

A/N: It’s 3am where I live, so… Happy 107th Birthday to my favorite Supersoldier! Today I’m posting 2 Bucky fics because my baby deserves it, this one and another one sometime around the afternoon. Hope someone likes it! Thank you to my angels @ordelixx and @mrsbuckybarnes1917 that gave me so many ideas that helped me finish this. I love you🖤

Masterlist

Being an Avenger is not easy.

The long missions, the intense training, the weight of the world on your shoulders…

Everybody on the team has a different way to unwind after a mission: Steve draws, Clint and Natasha compete doing target practice, Thor sleeps, Sam plays video games, Bucky takes motorcycle rides, Tony and Bruce work on side projects in their lab, Loki reads, Peter does his homework and Wanda cooks with Vision.

For you, it’s going to the rose garden behind the Compound.

It’s a bit of a sanctuary for you, Tony allowed you to put tall hedges of roses with a gazebo-like structure in the middle of them facing the lake, only it’s entirely made of vines.

You made it yourself, that’s your power: you can manipulate anything plant-related. 

Everytime you finish a mission the team splits up as soon as the debriefing is over and you walk straight here.

You sit on the bench, also made of vines, take out your diary and start writing.

You write about everything, from details of missions to your feelings about the team. From things you did that you don’t want to forget to things that you want to do after you’re not so tired anymore.

The hedges hide you from view and the only thing you can see when you’re here is the lake.

Sometimes, after a particular difficult mission, you don’t even write. You just sit there and look out into the water, the sunshine or moonlight shining down on you, and you feel at peace.

It helps that nobody else ever comes here. The team understands it’s your safe space, and the agents are mostly scared of your powers ever since you grew a giant carnivorous plant and it bit an agent that squeezed your ass during training. 

The agent got both taken to the medbay and suspended on the same day, and you got the thanks of about a dozen girls that had the same problem with the same asshole.

You walk out of the conference room, the debriefing of the team’s latest mission just wrapped up, and like usual everyone scatters to their own after-mission ritual.

Today, though, you can’t concentrate on anything.

Your feet take you to the rose garden by reflex, but your brain doesn’t even register you’re there until you sit on the bench.

Today’s mission took a lot out of you, not just because of the amount of magic you had to use to get everyone out safely, but also because it was your fault the team was in so much danger in the first place.

You fucked up your task, Natasha had to step in and save your ass, moving away from her post and making her late for her own task and that derailed the entire mission.

At the end, you had to use your powers to take out the hundreds of Hydra agents at the same time, which is no small feat and made you almost pass out.

Everybody told you on the way home not to worry, the mission was successfully accomplished and everyone made it out safely, but you know that if it wasn’t for your screw up the team would’ve gotten in and out of base without so much as a scratch. 

Nobody had fatal injuries, thank God, but Sam got shot in the leg, Clint got stabbed and everyone else had various degrees of injuries because Hydra got the jump on the team.

Because of me.

That was all you kept thinking about. Your brain had a field day making up all kinds of scenarios where your mistake cost someone’s life, a few of them even had the entire team dying because of your stupidity. 

You were so caught up in your head that you didn’t even notice someone following you to the rose garden.

Not that you ever do. 

If there’s one thing Bucky Barnes knows how to do, is move around undetected. He’s a master assassin, he was trained for this for over 50 years, he knows how to be a shadow.

Except now he uses his skills for good during missions and, occasionally, to follow you.

Not in a creepy way, of course, just to check on you. At least that’s the excuse he always uses so he won’t have to admit to himself that what he does is, indeed, a little creepy.

But he can’t help himself, Bucky knew from the moment he saw you that he was fucked. 

The moment you walked into the room to meet the team his heart was yours. You stole it with one simple smile, with one look of your beautiful eyes.

You introduced yourself and shook hands with everyone, but when you looked at Bucky he felt like a light came on and it was just you two.

You shook his hand and he felt like he had to take it off and give it to you, it was yours now. His hand, his arm, his leg, his head, his heart, his soul. Everything he is was now yours, he just knew it.

Then you said his name and he could’ve died right there and then. It was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard, and it was barely two syllables. Every word you said, every laugh and sound that came out of your pretty mouth, Bucky felt like it was all for him. Nobody else mattered.

Bucky knew then he was in love.

But he didn’t know how to approach you. You were like a fairy, like a princess. Growing flowers, always smiling, baking, growing everyone’s favorite flowers and always willing to help, like growing Aloe when Wanda burned herself cooking, or Chamomile to help with Tony’s anxiety, or Valerian roots whenever someone was feeling down. 

You were like sunshine and he was terrified he’d kill your light. But he’d be damned if he’d let the world kill it either, he’d protect you with his life.

So he took to following you, making sure you were safe from a distance.

But it’s not like he never talked to you, the more time you spent with the team the more comfortable Bucky got around you and eventually you became friends.

Bucky knew you could take care of yourself, you were one of the strongest members of the team, but he didn’t like it when you were in your rose garden by yourself. The tall hedges made it impossible to see incoming danger, so he kept an eye on you just to be sure.

For his own piece of mind. And you never saw him.

That was Bucky’s actual way to unwind after a mission.

He’d tell everybody he was going for a ride on his bike, but he’d drive it through the woods around the compound and to the other side of the lake where he’d have a perfect view of you without you knowing. 

Deep down he knew it was a little creepy, he could just ask you if he could join you, but he felt like you needed your time alone without anyone else around, and he knew if he asked you, you’d say yes no matter what you were feeling, because that’s just the kind of person you are.

So Bucky watched you from afar, always careful not to be seen. He watched you write for hours, it relaxed him to see your beautiful face so concentrated.

Sometimes you’d laugh quietly at what you were writing and those were the only times Bucky was grateful for the supersoldier serum that allowed him to hear such a beautiful sound even with so much distance between you.

But it was torture for him when he knew you had a bad day. Sometimes you’d hug your knees and cry, Bucky could tell how much you’d need a hug, and it killed him that he couldn’t just walk up to you and hug you.

Everytime he sees you cry his heart breaks a little and he always tries to make you feel better when you walk back inside. He doesn’t ask you what’s wrong, he just tries to make you laugh. But all he wanted to do was dry your tears.

You did notice Bucky always seemed to act a little goofy when you're feeling down, like he somehow knew, but you never thought much of it.

You knew he was a very observant person, so you assumed he just saw your mood through your behavior better than most.

Bucky loves hanging out with you, even if it’s just as friends. You make fun of him like with everyone else, you don’t treat him like could explode at any moment, never walking on eggshells around him like most people do.

You’ve never been afraid of him, and he’s glad that you don’t treat him like glass. You treat him like everyone else, and it makes him feel normal.

Everytime time he hangs out with you, you take him back to a time where he was unbroken. You make him feel alive again.

And he falls more in love with you by the second because of it. You’re all he wants, he wants to have you and kiss your lips and never let anyone hurt you. That’s all he can think about, but he knows that’s not gonna happen.

He heard you talk to Natasha and Wanda, heard that there’s someone you’d gone on a few dates with. But Bucky knows that guy doesn’t deserve you, nobody does.

Even Bucky himself doesn’t deserve you, you’re too pure for anyone in this world, but if there’s someone that has any chance of making you happy, Bucky prays to God that that someone is him.

Bucky knows today’s mission shook you deeply. He knows you blame yourself, and no amount of reassurance will make you believe that everything is okay.

So today, for the first time, Bucky actually follows you. He can see your unfocused eyes even as you walk and he wants to be near you, just in case.

He almost walks to you when you curl up on the bench and start sobbing quietly, but he holds back not wanting to startle or upset you further.

He just listens to your soft cries until you stop and compose yourself. You sigh and get up, walking back to the Compound to take a much needed relaxing shower.

But you’re still so much in your own head that you don’t even notice you left your diary on the bench in the gazebo. 

Bucky did notice, though.

He’s tempted to call after you and tell you, but something deep down tells him not to. He waits until you’re gone and then walks to the bench, picking up your diary and opening it.

He doesn’t know why, he knows it’s wrong, these are your private thoughts, but he’s just drawn to it for some reason.

When he starts reading he notices you don’t mention any specific names, which makes sense because only you read it, you know who you’re writing about. He reads a page here and there, reading about your missions or lazy days. 

He reads about some memories with the team you wrote about, some he remembers and others he probably wasn’t there for, but seeing all these memories from your point of view does something to him.

It makes him feel connected to you, makes him feel like he’s reading your heart and soul, because he kind of is. Then he reads something that captures his attention completely. 

You write about eyes blue like the ocean and just as troubled, about a smile that could light up the world. You write about someone with a complicated past that never lost his spark, never lost his love for life. 

A man that went through hell, and never once took it out on the world. A man that didn’t ever blame the world, even when he had every right to, choosing instead to protect it. 

You filled pages and pages with everything you admire about this man, everything you love about him that you know he hates. 

And Bucky feels like every word you wrote, you wrote for him. But could this be him? Could he be the one you talk about in all your stories?

He wants to. He wants this to be him. He prays you’re talking about him. He wishes this could be him… Who is he kidding?

Of course it’s not me. 

It’s probably the guy you’ve been dating. Yeah, that’s it. You’re in love with that guy, that much is clear. 

Bucky gets to the page where you write about your dates with the guy, but he can’t read them.

He closes the diary, not knowing that you compared your date to Bucky every step of the way. Not knowing that you granted the guy a second date just to be sure he couldn’t compare to Bucky, and went on a third date at a coffee shop just to let him down gently.

Bucky didn’t read how you know he’s the one for you, he didn’t read his own name written in your handwriting, the only name in your whole diary because he’s the only person you never want to forget, even though you know you never will.

But Bucky didn’t read that.

He puts your diary back where it was on the bench and, with his heart broken and his hope that one day you could be his lost, he goes back inside and to his room.

It’s only when you go back to the rose garden after your shower that you notice you left your diary there, but don’t think much of it. Nobody ever comes here anyway, as far as you know.

After finding out you’re in love with someone else, Bucky can’t stop himself from acting differently towards you, which you don’t fail to notice.

It’s not like he’s mean, but your interactions get shorter, like he tries his best to end the conversation quickly.

He no longer sits close to you, no longer tries to make you laugh when you’re feeling down, doesn’t hang out with you as much during your down time and if he does, it’s never just the two of you anymore.

It’s silly to say, but you miss him.

Bucky knows he’s been distancing himself, he knows you’ve noticed and he can see it’s affecting you, but he’s doing this to protect himself.

He knows it’s only a matter of time before you present your boyfriend to the team, the man you’re in love with and he doesn’t want it to hurt more than necessary.

You decide not to push Bucky, knowing he has his reasons to pull away from you. Maybe he’s just trying to deal with all the stress the team’s been under and you don’t want to add any more to that, so you let him be.

A few weeks later the team’s on their sixth mission in just as many days and everyone is exhausted. You’ve been taking down Hydra base after Hydra base, because waiting too long meant losing your chance to shut down their operations for good before they got the opportunity to leave.

You’ve been dividing in smaller teams to take down the bases while still giving the team a chance to recuperate, but this last one was the biggest and required the whole team together, which sucked for you because you were in the last team with Steve and Bucky that took down a base just yesterday, so the three of you got barely a few hours of sleep while you flew to the last base.

You’ve cleared the base, all that’s left is the agents in the courtyard who are really going down fighting. The whole team is outside now, the Hydra agents giving you a hell of a fight. You’re using your magic against your better judgment, giant vines coming out of your arms like whips, covered in poisonous thorns. One touch of that and anyone would go down immediately, everyone except you.

Or at least that’s what you think.

As you’re fighting you can see an agent trying to sneak up on Bucky who’s fighting near you, so you quickly take care of it for him.

Bucky turns around and sees the agent down and then looks at you with that charming smile you fell in love with and winks at you. “Thank you, doll.”

That’s the friendliest Bucky’s been towards you in weeks and you can’t help but smile back with a small blush.

You can see the last agent standing coming at you from your peripheral vision and you quickly whip him with a vine, taking him down as soon as you can so you can turn back to look at Bucky, still smiling at you.

Bucky’s smile drops quickly, though, as he sees your face draining of any color. You barely have the time to register the sting of your own thorn on your arm that you’re already falling to the ground.

Bucky tries to catch you, but he gets thrown back by your magic that goes into defense mode, creating a wall of thorns to protect your now unconscious body.

The team doesn't know what to do, none of them know enough about plants to be sure that these thorns wouldn’t just kill them all.

The only one that would know that is you, the person that’s passed out, or worse, trapped in the midst of a cocoon of thorns.

“Okay, we need to find a safe way to-” Steve starts but cuts himself off almost immediately. “What are you doing?!”

Bucky doesn’t even turn around to answer, too intent on breaking the thorns around you with his metal arm, not caring that the thorns are ripping his clothes and scratching his face, all he can think about is getting to you.

He finally manages to get through to you, but nobody can follow because your magic regrows the thorns Bucky broke, trapping him with you inside the cocoon.

But Bucky doesn’t care, his eyes never leaving your face as he kneels behind you, running a finger softly along your cheek and shivering when he feels your skin is cold as ice.

His mind goes to the worst possibility, that there’s nothing he can do, but his brain gives him some hope reasoning that your magic wouldn’t be working if you were dead.

Right?

He snaps out of his thoughts when he feels the thorns around you vibrate, he takes you in his arms and shields you with his body from whatever is about to happen.

But the only thing that happens is the shade cast by the thorns gets replaced by sunlight. Bucky looks up and realizes Wanda used her magic to lift the thorn cocoon.

“You couldn’t have done that before?!” Bucky barks at Wanda with a glare while carefully picking you up to take you to the Quinjet.

“She’s not the dumbass that threw himself headfirst in a mess of thorns without even considering another course of action!” Natasha came in Wanda’s defense, though she seemed more amused at Bucky’s antics than annoyed.

As the team heads back home in the jet, Bruce examines you and lets the team know you’re still alive but in a sort of coma.

Their relief is cut short when Bruce makes it known that he has no idea when, or if, you’ll wake up.

As soon as the Quinjet lands you’re taken to the medbay and hooked up to machines, an IV in your arm to keep you hydrated.

Bucky holds your hand through it all, staying all night next to you just in case you wake up. He didn’t want you to be freaked out and alone, he wanted to be the first person to see your beautiful eyes open.

When morning comes, though, you’re still unconscious, but Bucky doesn’t lose hope. You probably need a good sleep.

That’s what he tells himself for two, three, four days.

That’s what he keeps telling himself for a week, two weeks. Never once leaving your side, not eating unless Steve brings him food and makes sure he eats before leaving, and using the bathroom of your room in the medbay.

He barely sleeps and, when he does, he dreams of you.

Everyone was getting worried about him, he refused to leave your side until one day Steve came into your room to tell Bucky there was something wrong with your rose garden.

Bucky was torn between staying with you and seeing what Steve was talking about, but decided that it would kill you if something happened to your roses so he had to make sure everything was okay when you woke up.

Because you’re going to wake up.

Bucky follows Steve to your rose garden, and his eyes widen in horror as soon as he sees it. The roses, the hedges, the vines.

Everything is dying.

Bucky’s heart breaks, only one thought in his mind. If your plants are dying, does that mean you’re slowly dying too?

No. That’s unacceptable. You’re not gonna die, not if Bucky has anything to do with it.

He takes it upon himself to take care of your garden, watering it and doing everything he can to keep the roses and vines alive, fooling himself into believing that this will keep you alive.

He stays on the gazebo day and night, sleeping on the bench, spending every waking moment trying to keep a hold of even the smallest part of you.

But it’s not enough. Nothing is enough.

Bucky loses track of how many days he’s been in your garden, sleeping maybe an hour at a time here and there, watering the roses every few hours and crying the rest of the time.

After all it’s his fault, if he hadn’t distracted you none of this would’ve happened. You’d be in your beautiful garden, probably with your boyfriend, and the only broken thing would be Bucky’s heart.

That he could’ve lived with. 

But how can he live with the knowledge that he caused your end? That he killed your light? That he killed his sunshine, his hope, the love of his life? He can’t live with that.

Not that he has to.

While Bucky’s spiraling while surrounded by dying roses, inside your room in the medbay you’re finally waking up after almost a month.

You open your eyes slowly, looking around you at the hospital-like room. There’s nobody around and, as you look at the window, you can see it’s really late at night.

You sit up and try to make sense of what happened while rubbing your eyes. The last thing you remember is Bucky’s bright smile, and then nothing.

You look down at your arm and see an IV, which you take out while frowning. How long have you been sleeping?

You carefully get off the bed and make your way outside to your rose garden, just to be sure everything’s okay. It’s not like anyone’s gonna stop you anyway.

When you get close, the moonlight shines on the hedges and you gasp at what you see. Your beautiful roses withering away, the gazebo made of vines dying too.

But the most confusing thing is the sobs coming from the bench, although no one’s sitting on it.

You get closer and see Bucky sitting in front of the bench while hugging his knees and crying softly. You frown and get a little closer before stopping, not wanting to startle him.

“Bucky…” You say quietly and his head snaps up, his eyes instantly meeting yours.

For a moment it feels like he’s trying to decide if you’re real, he reaches out and you extend your hand to take his. That seems to convince him and he gasps.

“Doll…” His voice is barely above a whisper, almost as if he thinks if he makes too much noise you’ll disappear.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him while getting a little closer to him, concern clear in your every feature.

It’s only when you get closer that you see his face full of cuts and you frown. Those are not just any scratches, it’s clear to you that they were made by thorns. “D-did… Did I do this to you?” 

You’re kneeling in front of him now, one hand still in his one the other comes up to trace the cuts in his face softly, but he takes your hand in his and kisses your palm.

“I’m okay…” He reassures you.

Just then he realizes, you’re fussing over him when you’re the one that’s been in a coma for a month. “Are you okay? How long have you been awake?” 

“I… I just woke up.” You tell him honestly, then look around at the dying roses and vines before looking back at him. “What happened to me?”

“You got stung by one of your poisonous thorns.” He says quietly, his thumbs rubbing circles on your skin while he refuses to let go of you. “You’ve been unconscious for almost a month.”

“A month?!” You’re shocked at the news, not knowing what to say or do, so you just stay there while letting the information sink in. The silence is broken by Bucky after a minute.

“I’m sorry about your roses… I tried to keep them alive, but…” He looks around with a hopeless expression. “I failed you.”

Your heart breaks a little. Does he really think he failed you?

You take a deep breath, then close your eyes and when you open them again a second later everything’s back to normal. The roses are as beautiful as ever, the gazebo just as majestic. It’s like nothing ever happened.

Bucky looks around in awe when he feels you take his chin and you make him look at you.

“You could never fail me.” You say firmly, wanting him to understand you mean it. You look at the cuts around his face and you can’t help the guilt and pain that you feel deep within you. “I’m sorry…”

“It wasn’t your fault.” It’s like Bucky can read your thoughts, he knows all you can see are your faults, and he wants you to know he doesn’t blame you for anything. “You weren’t even conscious. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I never wanted to be one of the people that hurt you…” Your voice is a whisper as a tear escapes you. “The world hurt you so much already… I never wanted to be part of that. You don’t deserve it.”

Bucky frowns. He feels like he’s heard those words, but where? No, he didn’t hear them. He read them. He read them in your diary, where you wrote about the man you’re in love with. Could it be possible?

Could I be him?

“It’s me…” He says lower than a whisper, his eyes locked on yours, and it’s your time to be confused now.

“What?” You ask him with a frown while wiping your cheeks.

“It’s me you’re in love with.” His voice is a little louder, but firm. He’s not asking you, he’s making a statement.

Your eyes widen in surprise, you almost take your hands away from his but his hold prevents you from doing that.

“I-I… What?” Is all you can bring yourself to say, confused as to why he’s so sure of it. Are you really that transparent?

“I read your diary…” Bucky says, guilt written all over his face, but at least he’s owning up to it. “You wrote about the man you love… and you wrote the same thing you just told me. It’s me, isn’t it? You love me back?” His voice is more hopeful now, his confident demeanor weavering.

“You… You read my diary?” You say, your mind still playing catch up.

It’s only a moment later that you register the ‘love me back’ and you don’t give him a chance to apologize or justify himself before you’re speaking again. “You love me?!” 

Bucky hesitates a moment but nods firmly. “I love you, doll. I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.” 

You feel like someone punched you and all the air has left your body. You have no idea what to say, so you don’t say anything.

Instead you lean in and kiss him.

Bucky wastes no time kissing you back, but a thought pops into his mind and he reluctantly pulls back. “What about your boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” You frown again, having no idea what he’s talking about. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You don’t?” Bucky feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders and he pulls you to straddle him. “What about the guy you went on a few dates with?”

You narrow your eyes at him but decide to table the conversation about how he knows that for another time, so you smile at him and decide to just be honest with him.

“Do you honestly think that anyone could ever measure up to you? Because if you do, you’re an idiot.” Bucky grins and kisses you again. 

Maybe he is an idiot. But when he’s the idiot you’re in love with, how much of an idiot can he really be?

It looks like he can be him after all.

[fallstaticexit]

Prev / Next / Beginning

TW: Internalized Homophobia / Transcript / AN under the cut

AN: Here we are, just one more post before we conclude part 1 of this bittersweet story. As I've mentioned before, this story consists of three parts- Part One - Youth | Part Two - Uni | Part Three - Wife.

Transcript

Nancy Narrates: [As a treat for the few students who stayed behind, the nuns took us into to the city to shop on Christmas Eve]

[It was the first time Vanessa and I spent alone time together since I started dating Geoffrey]

[I’ve never been happier]

Nancy: [blushes] What?

Vanessa: [whispers] Do you feel like we’re being watched?

Nancy: Oh, Sister Agnes? [gulps] She’s right behind me, isn’t she?

Vanessa: [laughs] I’m serious! Let’s ditch the group.

Nancy: And risk getting a mark? Or worse, sent back home?

Vanessa: [shudders] Having to spend the rest of the break with my father? No thanks. Guess I’ll behave myself- for now anyway.

Vanessa: Sooo, what did you get your boyfriend for Christmas? A thong? One of those string thingies for his glasses?

Nancy: [snorts] I got him a broach.

Vanessa: You’re fucking with me, right?

Nancy: What? It was really nice, and very expensive.

Vanessa: Sure, if he’s your grandfather, Nancy!

Nancy: [sheepishly] I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I don’t know if I’m even doing this right. Shouldn't it...feel like something?

Vanessa: What do you mean?

Nancy: Holding hands and kissing. I thought it was suppose to feel like fireworks, like everything is burning and achy. I only felt it once...the first time, at that party.

Vanessa: Oh.. [looks away] Maybe he just needs practice...

Nancy: Maybe... Vanessa, I wa-

Vanessa: Hey! Let’s get some hot cocoa!

Nancy Narrates: [I wish she knew how much I missed when it was just me and her]

[No matter what, she will always be the sun to me]

Vanessa: So, are you going to tell me what’s in those bags?

Nancy: Maybe you should Guess?

Vanessa: Very funny, Blondie. I thought we weren’t exchanging gifts?

Nancy: [pouts] Does that mean you didn’t get me anything?

Vanessa: That’s because we said we weren’t when we were shopping! I could have gotten you something!

Nancy: [chuckles] It’s ok! You really didn’t have to get me anything. I just wanted to get you something I think you’ll like alot.

Nancy: Ta-da! I wanted to officially welcome you into the League of Blondes.

Vanessa: [cackling] No fucking way! This is the best Christmas gift ever, are you kidding!! [digs through bag] What are the scissors for?

Nancy: I was hoping you’d cut my hair. We can both have a new look.

Vanessa: You’re full of surprises, Landgraab. Let’s do it!

Vanessa: You’re being sooo quiet but your thoughts are sooo loud. What are you thinking about right now?

Nancy: Sorry. It’s nothing...

Vanessa: Tell me. Please.

Nancy: No, it’s fine.

Vanessa: Come onnn, please?

Nancy: What happened with Angela?

Vanessa: [huffs] Ah. I was wondering when you’d ask about that.

Nancy: Then why didn’t you just tell me about her?

Vanessa: There’s nothing to talk about. Pretty sure you heard the story.

Nancy: Sure, from everyone else but not from you. I want to hear your side.

Vanessa: [sighs] My side. We were best friends. We did everything together. I loved her a lot. All eyes were on us... so, I guess that’s how everyone noticed how close we were. People were saying things about us, and I was scared my father would find out and think I was like that. So, I turned on her. I called her names. I shunned her. I ruined her life...

Vanessa: It got so bad that she left the school. I never heard from her again. [voice cracks] You have to understand... if my father thought I liked girls, he would kill me. I could never let anyone think I’m like that! I’d rather they all thought I slept around with all the boys in school than think that. I had to do it...

Nancy: Do you?

Vanessa: [sobs] W-what?

Nancy Narrates: [My heart was racing. It just slipped out. And then I said it again, and that time, it felt like I was asking myself]

Nancy: Do you like girls?

Vanessa: [whimpers] I...no!! I’m not...I’m not a lesbian! I swear, Nancy! Please, believe me.

Nancy Narrates: [All that time...I had thought I was the one terrified of what it meant to love her. She was terrified of loving me too]

[This is what kissing should feel like]

Vanessa: [softly] Will you stay in my room tonight?

Nancy: Yes.

Nancy Narrates: [I had so many questions I wanted to ask her. So many things about myself I wanted to share, but there was one thing I wanted more]

[jybyls]

Empty || T.C

Masterlist

Request by anonymous here

Warnings: Family issues, drugs, domestic violence, bullying ? Bad writing as usual, and I think that's all.

Words: 4k~

- 📜🎧🍂 -

Oh God, how she hated you.

You were always annoying her at some point. Giving her sarcastic answers, interrupting her whenever she's talking, disagreeing with everything she says, making comments on her height, etc... But not only were you saying annoying stuff, you'd also grab her shirt to make her fall, come up out of nowhere to scare her, squeeze her cheeks when she gets upset, mess with her hair and to add to all of that you gave her nicknames. Absurd nicknames.

They weren't disrespectful names. Actually, they were sort of cute, but coming out of your mouth, she knew it was just to tease her. The nicknames could go from “Baby” to “My Cutie patootie Lovey dovey friend” with the smuggest smile on your face.

She hated that.

Tara never understood why you took so much pride to make her life a living hell. She always ended up mad at you and screaming if not yelling at you to leave her alone. But you never stopped- actually, you'd eventually stop but never for too long.

The thing was, well, first of all, terribly cliché and hella obvious for everyone but Tara.

You liked her.

You never liked someone as hard as you liked, Tara. And when you realised you had a crush on her, you panicked. You didn't know how to act, what do to, when to do it, you just couldn't function around her anymore, so you just teased her. It was the only way you could be next to her without making a fool of yourself.

Of course, everyone knew. Everyone means Sam, Chad, and Mindy.

Sam was probably the first one to realise the way you looked at her sister when she wasn't paying attention. She probably knew you had a crush on her before you did. At first, she didn't understand why you started to annoy Tara every chance you got, but then she saw the way you'd get all worked up whenever she was flirting with someone else at parties. After that, it all made sense to her. You had a thing for her little sister.

She didn't say anything to anyone for a while, she just watched the way you were around her, the way every time she had an meaningless eyes contact with you, you unconsciously held your breath and when she'd finally look away you let that breath you didn't know you were holding out. It was little stuff like those who assured her that you indeed had a crush on her.

She needed to know she wasn't the only one who thought that, so she talked about it to the twins. Both of them screamed, 'Thank you !', saying how glad they are that Sam saw all of this too. You were so fucking obvious, but she was too fucking oblivious. They all decided to keep this between them and just watch you interact with Tara, and listen to Tara complaining about how fucking childish you are. All of the three of them wanted to tell you to stop messing with her since it wasn't working at all. Not one bit. It did the all opposite actually, she didn't grow to love you but to hate you.

She couldn't stand you. Your looks, your voice, your comments, your personality. Everything. There's not one thing she could appreciate about you. She didn't even know why she still talked to you.

Well, maybe because all of her friends actually liked you, which she didn't understand either. Everyone seemed to love your company when you were around. She hated it. Your energy was so draining to her. It felt like you took all of her energy away. Everyone is always laughing when you're here, everyone except Tara. She couldn't bring herself to find you funny, your little jokes about her that made everyone smile but her.

She'd give you the coldest glare each time her name left your mouth. But after some time she got use to it, not that she had the choice, you were always around, and fighting with you was starting to exhausted her so she preferred to learn how to deal with your presence, even if she thought about putting your head in dirt every seconds you're near her.

At some point she just stopped paying attention to you, fully avoiding you, not looking at you, not talking to you so obviously not fighting with you anymore, that's the only way she could stand you without physically hurting you.

But it has been now a week that Tara didn't need to avoid you because you simply were not around anymore. She seemed so relieved at first that she'd go around her apartment a little smile on her face, like she was living again. She didn't think much about you not being here. She was just happy not to hear your voice blasting in her ears with the most enraging comments.

Sam did ask Tara if she knew why weren't you showing up anymore. Her answer was,

“Why would I care ? Asked her yourself.”

Sam just rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone to check up on you.

Y/n

Sam: Hi Y/n, are you doing alright ? I haven't seen you in a while.

It took you 40 minutes to answer, which was quite unusual for you. You always answered fast, more specifically to Sam, knowing how worried she got.

You: Hey yeah sorry I'm fine, just family stuff yk

*You know, sorry forgot you're old

Sam: Oh shut it, I'm not old.

If you need to talk about it I'm here, yk.

You: Lmao yeah thanks see ya

Sam: Sure thing.

See you, little one.

Tara watched Sam texting you, and even if she wouldn't admit it, the expression on Sam's face worried her. She wanted to know if you were fine without making it look like she cares about you because she doesn't. At least, that's what she forced herself to believe. “So ? What's up with her ?” She asked Sam, trying her best to sound nonchalant. The older Carpenter didn't understand why she asked, but she brushed it of thinking it was her empathy talking.

“I don't know, she just told me she has 'family stuff' going on, that's it.” Sam answered, putting her phone back in her pocket. Tara felt her heart skip a beat, hearing that you might have family problems. Once again, she couldn't comprehend why her body reacted so much to this information. Maybe it was because she could relate to family issues, and she doesn't want anyone to cope with this pain, or maybe it was that she didn't want you to cope with it.

'No, that can't be it, I do not care about her, I never did. It's just 'cause I can relate to that.' She thought to herself. She didn't ask anymore questions and nodded to her sister before going upstairs, in her room.

The idea of you not being alright started to kill her. She couldn't stop thinking about you, but what killed her more is that she had no clue why she cared now. It's not the first time you said something about your family. That was actually quite a topic of conversations. You never said much, but all your friends; Chad, Mindy, Sam, and Tara; knew that you didn't exactly have the dreamy family, and it's why you were constantly hanging at their place. So Tara knew about you and your family and she never really gave a fuck, you seemed fine after all, so fine that you never stopped messing with her when you were there. So why did she care now ? Nothing changed.

Well, maybe something did change. Her. Her feeling changed, but she never caught up with them. She never noticed she was bored when you weren't with her, never noticed the burning feeling in her stomach when you were playing around with someone else was jealousy, never noticed the warmth of your hands was comforting her, she never noticed all of those little things. Maybe if she wasn't so stubborn, she would've realised all of those things, but her ego was stronger than her.

Until now. She did feel the emptiness after two weeks without seeing you. She genuinely missed you and your shitty behaviour but she was too self-willed to admit it to anyone, she barely admit it to herself and even if the need to send you a text was eating her alive, she never did.

She just kept asking Sam if she had any updates, being really careful to have her best poker face on.

Sam always had a little smirk on her face, knowing that her sister was trying to hide her concern for you. She tried to convince her to just send you a text, but she refused every time.

And when Sam would ask her why she won't she send you a text or call you and she came up with the most ridiculous excuses she had ever heard. Like, “She'll just tease me and won't answer at the end.” or “It's not for me, Chad asked.” And that one made her cry of laughter, “I don't even have her on my phone !” You guys literally have an Instagram group chat with you in it, and you both follow each other.

Sam knew that Tara had too much pride to say that she actually gave a fuck about you even just a little bit, she eventually gave up on asking Tara to contact you herself.

Another week went by. It's been now three weeks without seeing you, and Tara was visibly unhappy, less enthusiastic, somehow more tired, and she'd snap anyone who dared to talk to her.

But on a Monday morning at school, while she was talking to her friends, waiting for the bell to ring, she saw a figure afar that she thought she recognised. But Tara being Tara, she didn't go to check herself. Instead, she just sent a text to Chad.

Big boy

Tara: Hey Chad, is y/n back ?

Chad: Idk I haven't seen her

Why ?

You saw her ?

Tara: Yeah I think so

Chad: Where ???

Tara: I think I saw her going to English class

But I'm not sure

Chad: Girl-

Just send her a text

Tara: Well do it yourself

Chad: But you think you saw her !

What am I going to tell her ??

“Hey, so Tara told me she think she recognised you but don't want to send you text herself, so here I am doing for her. So are you back girl ??”

Like come on be fr

Tara: Yeah you should send her that

Actually no

Don't say that I probably recognised her

You saw her, not me, alright ?

Chad: BUT-

YOURE THE ONE THAT ASKED IF SHE WAS BACK

Goddamn Tara fix your stubbornness

We all know you like y/n

Just admit it

Tara: What ????

I don't like her

Fuck her

Chad: Yeah you wish you could

Tara scoffed, rolling her eyes at Chad's text before picking up her bag and heading to class. The second she stepped inside, her eyes were scanning the classroom, hoping to find you sitting at your desk. The smile she didn't even know she had on slowly faded when she saw you were nowhere around. But then she flinched when out of nowhere two mysterious hands were placed on her waist, her defensive side immediately showed up when she nudged the stranger behind her, her elbow directly hitting the right eye of the person behind her.

“Ouch ! Well, I'm happy to see you, too, Tara.” She quickly turned around the moment she heard your voice, yet something was off about it. Your hand was scrubbing the eye she hit. “Oh, shit ! Did I hurt you ?” Tara asked, clearly worried. She got closer to you to check on your eye. It was a bit teary and red. “No, it's fine. It was my fault anyway, I shouldn't have surprised you like that. Sorry.” Your apologises took her so off guard that she stepped back to look at you up and down, like to check if it was actually you. She got closer to you again to hold your chin up so she could have a better look at your injury. She brushed her thumb under your eye. You hissed slightly at the pain.

“You should go to the nursery.” Tara told you, you never heard her talk to you with such a soft tone, but again, she never heard you apologise for anything before. “No, I'll be fine. It's nothing bad.” You answered, closing your eyes for her to stop looking at the injuried one. “You're sure ? Because I for sure can throw a push.” She tried to joke, laughing quietly, hoping for you to follow her. And you kinda did. A small smile on your tired face was shown. Tara watched your drained state with sorrowful eyes. Her hand was still holding your face. You would've melt in her touch normally but right now you weren't sure if you wanted her to touch, not because your feeling dissapeared but because you were too ashamed of yourself in this condition, you didn't want her to see you like this, you kept thinking she'll find you repaling yet it didn't seem like she was.

Her eyes were full of guilt. She genuinely felt bad about hurting you even if it wasn't on purpose. “Let's at least put some water on your eye. The teacher will understand our absent.” Tara insisted, and you finally gave up, letting her guide you to the closest bathroom. Once there she took some paper towel and drowed it under cold water, “Could you come closer, please ?” She asked you, and you did. She moved closer to you so she could take care of your eye. She was gentle with her touch, her fingers slowly caressing your face to see for any discomfort. She put a wet piece of paper under your eye where the injury was, you flinched, which made her flinch, too, you mumbled a small 'sorry' as you looked down at your hands. Tara realised the way you widget with your fingers. She softly put her hands on yours to reassure you. Her soft and warm touch immediately calmed you, eased down, your tense shoulders relaxed, your jaw unclenched, and your eyebrows down. You looked up at her, but her eyes were already on you. You felt her thumb brushing against your hands, a comforting smile on her face.

She once again got closer to your face, cautiously wiping the wet paper towel under your eye. This time, you didn't flinch. You let her do her work. Her eyes were focused on your injury, and yours were focused on her. You analysed her features, taking in every single one of her freckles, how she has lines on her nose because of how much she crunches it, her slightly furrowed eyebrows and the way she bites the corner of her bottom lip. You kept looking at her like she was the only woman on earth for so long that you didn't realize that she wasn't focused on your injury anymore but on you.

You snapped out of your thoughts to see Tara looking into your eyes with the softest smile on her face, “Where did you go ?” You stared at her for a moment before finally talking. “I... um... nowhere, sorry.” You flumbled, Tara just giggled on her side. That laugh. That laugh that made that makes your eyes light up every time you hear it, and obviously, this time it' noy different from the other time. Your eyes lighted up when her giggle left her mouth. You couldn't get your eyes off of her. She's just so mesmering. Hypntising ? Eternal ? Fasinating ? Magnifient ? Majestic ? God, you ould go on forever like that.

Andddd, your brain did. You heard her snapping her fingers in front of you, “Hey, where are you ? Why are you distracted ?” Tara wondered, her eyebrows were furrowed, and she seemed worried. “I'm sorry, my mind is all over the place.” You shook your head down. Tara hummed, looking at you up and down. She glared at you as she stayed quiet for a while. She straightened herself, put a finger under your chin to make you look at her, “Why are you such an ass with me ?” Her eyes deqdly looking into yours. It was a blod question but nothing surprising when you know Tara. What was surprising was, you, atually giving her an answer. No jokes. No sarcasm. Just honesty. “I like you, Tara. I've always liked you. But I was too much of a jerk to think of another way to be around you without being an ass.” Here's the truth. And with that said out loud it could've been the end of you, and you really thought it was when she was just looking at you like you were a ghost, maybe that was because she was about to ghost you for the rest of her life, but fortunately for you Tara has a thing for assholes who temps to be jerks at times.

The thing is, the line between hate and love is very thin and breaks easily.

She saw the mortified look on your face, so she decided to stop the suspene and kiss you. Her right hand went on your left cheek as her left hand fell on your waist. You were too stunned to react. You just had enough capavity in you to let your lips follow hers, letting her take the lead of this magical moment. The kiss was tender. Slow but passionate. You both took your time to take each other's taste in. She tasted like dark chocolate, sweet but strong meanwhile you tasted like cigarretes, additive but deadly.

The kiss kept going for a minute, your lips moving in perfect synchronisation like they were made for each other. You both pulled away when air became a problem. She rested her forehead against yours, a content sigh left her lips. Silence filled up the bathroom, not a soul could be heard. You stayed like this for a moment before she broke the silence, “Why did you disappear for weeks ?” Her voice almost came out in a whisper. You debated with yourself if you should yes or no give her the real reason, “Why do you ask ? Missed me ?” You teased her. Well, good habits don't get away that quickly.

Tara rolled her eyes at your answer, but for probably the first time in her life, she put her ego on the side and admitted the truth. “You know what ? I did miss you. More than that, I was worried about you, and so were the others.” She genuiatly said, a hint of annoyance in her voice like she was mad you didn't tell her what was going on in your life earlier. Your face softened at her words, and you finally told her what happened.

“Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry anyone. It's just that my dad came back, and he claimed to have totally recovered from his drinking problem, but that was a lie.” She carefully listened to you, holding your hand and brushing her thumb over it. Her eyes never left yours even tho you weren't looking at her. As you talked, your eyes roomed every corner of the room. Tara gestured you to keep going, and after a deep breath, you did. “He got violent again. But this time, he took all of his frustration out on me, and mom did nothing to stop him. She was too relieved he didn't come back to beat her but me. And that's when she wasn't too stonned to remember she has a kid.” You confessed. And oh, how it stinged Tara's heart to hear what was going on behind the closed doors of your house. She felt so much anger at your parents for treating you like that, that for a brief second, she thought that some people actually deserve to get murder. But she brushed that thought off, and she pulled you in her arms. Silence gained the room again. She kept you in her arms, trying her best to fight the urge to hug you tighly because she knows your body must hurt like hell from your dad's beating.

“I am so sorry.” She whispered in your ear. So many emotions were burning inside of her. She didn't know if she should be mad at your dad or scared of him. She didn't know if she should be sad for you or amazed by your strength. But all she knew was that she wanted nothing more but to protect you. Now that she had you, she definitely wasn't gonna let you go. You never felt so safe in someone's arms, you knew you could trust her, after all she went through she just wanted a quiet life with her loved ones and now you were forever part of this life.

You didn't let go of her. You couldn't. You want to stay in her arms as long as possible. Something about her scent was so comforting. It smells like home, not the absusive home you knew, but an actual home. A place you feel safe in, a place you can cry in as muh as you can laugh in, a place that feels right, a place you'd always come back to, a place you'd miss after leaving it for a week, a place that would make you forget about everyhting else, a place that helped you so much without being aware of it. That place sadly couldn't be the home you live in but ended up being that person. Saying that you had a crush on her was not right because you fell in love with her, but right now, it didn't feel like you fell for her, but like you finally learn how to walk. How you approached her wasn't a good idea at all, but soulmates always ended up finding each other, and you found yours who was patiently waiting for you to come back to her.

She was perfect when it came up to filling that empty void in you. That empty void that should be filled with love, laughter, comfort, happiness, and good memories. Nobody in your life showed you how you were supposed to love someone, but when you met her, it all made sense. The way you wanted to cherish her, hold her, workship the floor she walks on. And that didn't change one bit. You still want to do all those things for her if not even more now that you have the certitud she's on the same page as you.

Now, all you had to do was let her walk inside that broken place and let her build everything again for that place to beat to the sound of home and not be empty anymore.

- 📜🎧🍂 -

Bonus:

*You and Tara are casually talking on the couch*

Sam: Am I tripping, or ever since y/n got back, her and Tara have been getting along ?

Mindy: Jesus, I thought I was the only one to think that.

Chad: Who knows, maybe Cupid hit them.

- 📜🎧🍂 -

You: Do you ever think we should tell them that we're dating now ?

Tara: Not yet, the shock could be too hard.

- 📜🎧🍂 -

A/n: Fucking finally. After 7 months I finally post this fic. It's definitely not perfect and there's a lot of things I could've bring up or talk more about or just developed, like Sam being protective and stuff but yeah I still hope y'all enjoyed reading this and yes the wait was definitely not worth it, my bad.

Have a good day/night. Love y'all <3 (and thank you for being so patient with me)

[brucewaynehater101]

I'm so glad you like it and I love all your feed back. Tim would 100% have plenty of trauma that he just. Is *refusing* to address due to starting that identity when he was likely still a teen. Tim having the identity if Jane Doe is also 100% going to help him with coming to terms with all the shifty stuff his family did.

As for Jason, I think he would see Jane refusing to be near him as Jane being skittish, likely due to the many guns he is visibly wearing. He knows he has a reputation as a protector, but he also knows that part of that reputation is that people do fear him. He'll just. Need to give Jane time to relax around him, yeah?

Though I do have a version that ends much worse for everyone. The Bats aren't the first to find out who Jane Doe is. No, Tim makes a mistake. To calm down someone he's friends with after they almost got mugged and he saved them as Red Robin, without thinking he made a joke referencing an inside joke which made the two ladies laugh. Only one problem. Only they and Jane Doe understand that joke because no one else was there. It was just those three. Meaning Jane Doe is Red Robin. Which would logically put N as Nightwing, H as (Red) Hood, and R as Robin with B as Batman.

This also means these two now "know" how the Bats treat Red Robin and they spread word *fast*. Within a week all the Sex Workers who were worried about Jane know and help Jane sneak away whenever they know a Bat is going to be coming by. This also means that almost over night all of the Sex Workers, Bar Owners, and most of the homeless (at least the ones in Jane's area who know him) are refusing to work with any Bats but Red Robin.

They are full on *scared* of Robin because they know he carries a sword, they know he uses it on criminals, and if he's willing to use that sword to nearly kill his own older brother multiple times? Whats stopping him from hurting them if he thinks they're up to something? Batman? The guy who they now believe either used to or still does beat up his own kids? No, they saw what happened before Tim became Robin they *remember*. The ones who flirted with Nightwing are suddenly shunning him or full on sneering at him. They believe he stole his own younger brother's first time (Tim only said N stole something precious that he could never give back and that it hurt very badly. He meant Robin but he couldn't tell them it was Robin) after tricking his younger brother into falling in love with him (Tim told them that Dick was the first person to make him feel truly loved and adored, because this is 100% bad parents Jack and Janet who told him "do whatever it takes to succeed")

There is so much miscommunication in this AU. It's funny and devastating at the same time.

Them finding out before the Bats reminds me of the fics that explore the street kids finding out that Red Hood beat up Robin (a child) even though he promised to never harm kids and to protect them. This causes them to instantly distrust him, and Red Hood is never able to earn their trust again.

I imagine that the sex workers would probably react similarly to Red Hood. Instead of being greeted warmly, suddenly everyone is treating im with caution. That's so much fucking angst for Jason (especially if he finds comfort/support from sex workers due to them helping him when he was homeless).

Also, there might be a time when the sex workers are mad at Red Robin (and some probably stay mad). They see taking a persona of a sex worker as insulting and making light of their situation. Some of them would never do that work if they had choices, which RR obviously has.

Then they start to logic how old he was when he started (he was doing this when he was Robin), how he is actually still selling himself because he performs the work, and that he probably does view it as a necessity. I wonder if there's any misconceptions that Batman knew/knows about RR's activities and whether they would compare that to pimps.

But yeah. They would become almost hostile to all Bats and RH.

[youronlylie]

hello people in my phone

BOONE head cannon list, just a mix of stuff that'll probably change later ( THERE WILL BE MORE ) 1/?

• He undoubtedly was ripped/heavily worked out being in the ncr, after moving to novac and loosing his wife he undoubtedly lost a lot of muscle but...guys he still is literally like beefed.

• He cannot fucking cook for shit, he understands what shouldn't be put in your body but from there he has no clue.

• Going off of cooking, he has strict times where he eats, like routine from the ncr.

• For some reason he strikes me as a guy who really enjoys fruit whenever he can get his hands on it.

• Cannot tolerate any sort of spice.

• Smells very mettalic, sweaty, like man must.

• Has a soft spot for cats.

• 1000% is not bald, just shaves his head as he probably prefers the look.

• I feel like with a romantic partner, since he isn't one much for talking his love language would be physical touch or gift giving, I could imagine him seeing stuff he knows they'd like and saving it for later, excited to see how they'd react.

• He would definitely have a special place in his heart for fantasy movies, he doesn't seem to be able to express himself well and I feel like the creativity of something like lord of the rings would get him going.

• I seriously cannot pick so I'll include both, he is either an extreme cuddler with a romantic partner or on very rare occasions, he's just terrible at expressing emotion.

• If the courier and him are something like romantic partners he'd definitely never be able to sleep, often awake staring and listening for noises, waiting for the next cascade of legionares but it never happens and he eventually learns that.

• I don't think he'd ever get married again unless it'd be over 20 or so years in the future, it's a type of commitment that I don't think he could mentally handle whatsoever unless he is totally over Carla.

• I definitely do think boone could find love again in another person, he's scared and alone, fearful for any sort of attachment.

• 10000% has really really nice man hands, like large hands with nice fingers.

• Is definitely tall but not close to arcade tall, 6' ish at MOST, I just feel like looking at his build and concept art that he is definitely a tall man.

• Secretly really has a thing for drawing whenever he can, especially when he was nested at novac, sitting up top the dinosaur scribbling stuff on old receipts or whatever else it helps him get his emotions and thoughts out.

• irl he would be so patriotic it's not even funny, like he'd go all out for fourth of July but is the somber type so he'd cook hot dogs and whatever else then sit in the corner and watch everyone else.

• Has a thing for memorizing features, very very very intuitive and will remember almost anything you tell him.

• He is so the type of guy to enjoy snow, like yeah he'd probably be kinda pissy for a bit but if you pushed his buttons enough I feel like he'd mess around with the courier.

• He absolutely like no doubt has nightmares, like the ones where you erupt in cold sweat and your throat is sore.

• If he does sleep like ever, along with nightmares he grips the sheets, rolls around a whole lot, mumbles. In the ncr he was the total opposite, stone faced, layed straight and slept some what peacefully until later on in his ncr years.

• Yearns for someone, even platonic, to just sit beside him, no words and scratch his back and kinda just touch him lightly. I don't think he'd cry but it's something I could imagine would bring him close to tears.

• He absolutely probably finds almost everyone annoying, like, he just is done with everything and doesn't give two shits about what anyone has to say unless the courier puts some sense into him.

• Really disagrees with gambling, just doesn't like it.

• Wishes he had a nice farm house, out somewhere away from everything, where it has everything he needs and could be away from absolutely everyone. ( of course after extracting revenge on the legion )

• He wants to learn how to play guitar, either he has tried and is horrible or has just never gotten the chance, I have a feeling he'd really be into (irl) like classic rock or something smooth.

• Cannot look at people with features his wife had the same, down to personality or looks.

• Absolutely dreads deep down without realizing going back to novac when the courier disbands him.

• He would like having books read to him, he's a listener not a reader, likes hearing people's voices just not his own.

• At a point probably had a nickname for his rifle, something like Beth or something that was a joke between him and Manny.

• Manny 1000% at a point tried hinting to boone or even confessing his love for him, either the point never got across or they got over it together. ( somewhat ish at a point )

• In all reality I play him out to be a really sweet guy, which I can imagine and he can somewhat tend to be but he ultimately really doesn't care, he'll kill in order to get what he wants ( so be it revenge or whatever else ) even if he isn't necessarily fond of it.

• At a point, consumed by guilt he forgets what Carla looks like and that eats him up inside, like the teeth gritting soul crushing ache for revenge, and a year or two leads him to completely forget her complexion.

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p.3

pairing: ellie williams x fem! reader (ur a girly girl in this one!!) (she/her pronouns)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: (PLEASE READ!) explicit language, violence, description of a medical procedure sans anesthesia, recreational drug use (idk how else to put it ellie gets absolutely zonked in the beginning), reader overthinks asf and is a little neurotic but that's why we love her x

a/n: hey guys! thank you so much for the wait! it's been genuinely insane how sweet and incredible all of you are. i've never felt so appreciated for my writing!! also, some notes: this chapter is heavily inspired by my last relationship. sorry if it's not as immersive bc of it! and also i don't have ANY medical knowledge so...cast a blind eye when u get to that scene

part 1

part 2

tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod​ @sawaagyapong​ @rystarkov​ @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma

wc: 6.6k

enjoy x

“One more time.”

You gave Ellie a withering look from where you were sitting at the end of her bed.

“Please,” she said, drawing out the s. “Just once more. I promise.” 

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes—a habit of hers that you were quickly picking up—and took in a deep breath. “Fuck.” 

Ellie lost it, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls. “Another one. Say something else.”

“I don’t understand why you think this is so funny,” you said.

“You say it so weird.”

“I enunciate,” you clarified. “I don’t ‘sound weird’. It’s called pronouncing every letter in the word and not having a lazy mouth.” 

“Please,” she gasped. “At least say bitch. You haven’t said that one yet.”

You looked her dead in the eye. “Bitch.”

If you weren’t already certain that Ellie was high out of her mind by the smell of her room and the general haze in the air, the way she howled with laughter and fell back on her bed would’ve made you entirely positive.

This was new. You’d begun to hang out with her in her room after dinner—that was normal—but when she’d knocked on your door smelling heavily of weed once you’d said goodnight to Joel, you were nothing less than shocked. Of course, she had none left for you. Which was probably good, because only a sober mind could navigate a night sitting on Ellie’s bed without doing something really, really stupid. 

“I can’t believe you call me weird,” you said, tucking your feet under her and giving her a pointed look. 

“You’re so lucky you didn’t grow up where I did,” Ellie said, wiping a tear away from her cheek as she tried (unsuccessfully) to rein in her giggles. “You would’ve been eaten alive, good lord.”

“What were you like as a kid?” you asked, resting your chin on your knees. 

She considered for a moment, growing more somber. “Um…I don’t know if you would’ve liked me very much.”

“What do you mean? Of course I would’ve liked you.” 

“No,” she said, swiping at her face so she pushed a strand of hair away. “I don’t think you would have.”

“Why not?”

“I was…” She paused, picking at her cuticles. “Back then I didn’t have anyone. I was an orphan, you know. My parents were never in the picture, so I was the only one I could count on.  I was really rough around the edges and could be nasty. But I probably would’ve ignored you like I did everyone else. “

“Everyone? You didn’t have anyone? No friends at all?”

Ellie blinked, and her gaze remained fixed on her hands. “Basically, yeah. I mean, there was one girl, but that’s…I don’t want to talk about that right now, actually.” 

“That’s okay,” you said, reaching forward to touch her knee. She flinched at the contact but didn’t brush you away. The image of a young, scared Ellie living somewhere alone made your chest ache. “You don’t have to tell me.” 

“What were you like?” she asked, tilting her head and meeting your eyes. 

“Hmmm…” Mirth crept into your tone. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Ellie echoed, her eyes cloudy as she thought. Then a small smirk formed on her face. “Oh god, were you one of those spoiled brats? Were you a mean girl?” 

“God, no,” you said, raising your eyebrows. “Not mean.”

“Then what?”

You paused. “I was really shy, I guess. And quiet, too. I didn’t do much but read for a good 10 years of my life. I used to have awful pronunciation because I would spend more time reading than talking to anyone. But I think I would’ve liked you.”

Ellie shook her head.

“Yes,” you said. “Maybe I would’ve been a little scared of you. I probably would’ve never had the courage to talk to you. But I would’ve liked you, I think.”

“Scared of me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? I was a kid.”

“I was mostly going off of how I felt when I actually first met you,” you said, shrugging. 

She gasped theatrically. “You’re scared of me?”

“No!” you said, smacking her knee. “That’s not what I mean. You’re just really intimidating.”

“Intimidating?” She looked at you incredulously. 

“You’re so tough,” you explained, feeling heat grow in your cheeks. “You seem just—I don’t know, just so capable. There’s nothing you’re too afraid to face, nothing you’re too afraid to say.”

“That’s not true,” she said lightly. 

“Well, of course I’m sure there are things that you’re afraid of,” you amended. “But you hide it so well. You just seem so…fearless.”

“Hm,” Ellie said, letting her head rest against the headboard. “I think you would’ve made me a nervous wreck. If we’d met when we were kids, I mean.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you before. You’re just so untouched.” She winced. “God, no. That sounds gross. I just mean…I dunno. I wouldn’t have known how to act around you. You haven’t had to harden up like everyone else I know.”

“Are you saying I should develop trust issues or something?” you asked, your voice a teasing lilt.

“You know,” she said, nodding seriously, “That is part of it. It was really off-putting how quickly you trusted me. But I guess that’s just a product of where you grew up.” 

“Yeah,” you said softly. “I wonder how I would’ve turned out if I’d grown up like you.”

“Can I be honest?” Ellie asked. 

“Sure.”

“I don’t think you’d still be here if you were me,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “No offense. You just have zero survival skills. I swear that shit has to be genetic. I’ve never met someone more averse to violence in my life.”

You sighed, pressed your hands deep into Ellie’s comforter as a thought hit you. “I think if you’d been born in my position, you would’ve been greater than anything either of us could ever dream of. Much greater than me.”

“Definitely not,” said Ellie. “There’s no fucking way I’m studying the way you apparently do. I honestly think I’d take being an orphan over the study schedule I saw in your bag.” 

She was of course referencing the time table you’d roughly sketched up the morning before you’d ended up in Jackson. It was blocked to the minute, citing the study content and the location of said study session. She’d been beyond horrified to see it. 

You laughed, nudging her socked food with yours. 

“Is there music? In Terranova?”

“Oh,” you said, startled at the abrupt change of subject. “Uh, yeah. Of course. I listened to it all the time.” 

“I used to have a Walkman,” she said, leaning back as she reminisced. She was lying flat on her back now. “It ended up breaking a while ago, but it was like my child.” 

“Have you ever seen a movie before?” you asked, sitting up rigid straight as the thought occurred to you.

“Duh,” she said, giving you a weird look. “Do you think I live under a rock?”

“How many?”

“Hm.” Ellie began counting, ending on her second hand. “I think 6?”

“You’ve seen a total of 6 movies in your life?” 

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to see more?”

She shrugged. “I mean, I guess. It’s just tough to find CDs that are still functional after so long.”

“Hold that thought,” you said, holding a finger in her direction as you stood up.

“Hey!” she called as you bolted out the door. “Where are you going?”

You came bounding back to her room in a matter of seconds, your laptop in your hands. 

“What the fuck?” she said. “Isn’t that your homework thing?”

“Yes,” you said, feeling around for an outlet, “But I also have a ridiculous amount of movies downloaded on this. Our dorm wi-fi is shit and I have way too much storage on this thing, so I just download, like, every movie I’ve ever wanted to watch.”

“Your dorm what?”

You waved your hand. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to her how the 802.11 standard allowed wireless connections a few years after the outbreak. “Not important. Here, come look at this.”

Your laptop roared to light with the help of your charging cord. Quickly, you typed your password in and opened your downloads. Ellie hovered over your shoulder, squinting at the screen with confusion. 

“Here,” you said, opening up the album that had everything you had seen for your entire university career and passing the laptop to Ellie. “Use the touchpad—there, yeah—to navigate. Press to click. These are all movie files that I’ve seen. We can watch them on my laptop. Some of them were filmed in Terranova, too, so they’re post-apocalypse.”

She perused the selection you had for quite some time, the glow of the screen lighting up her face against the dim room. “Okay. This one.”

And thus began a tradition. Each night after you’d finished showering and Joel retired to his room, Ellie would come knock on your door and ask if you wanted to come over. You’d talk for a while, then open your laptop and pick something out to watch. Ellie was never high after the first time, which was unsurprising considering that there definitely wasn’t a way to get any in Jackson. Where she found any the first time was still a mystery to you. 

~

A week or so after your first patrol with Ellie, Joel had taken it upon himself to teach you how to shoot. You were surprisingly not as bad as you’d expected, but the rebound was tough to get used to, and you were still hung up over the whole “killing living things” part. 

Your first patrol—first real one—came quickly, and before you knew it, Ellie was handing you the same gun you’d dropped the first time with a suspicious look. 

“Don’t kill one of us with that thing,” she warned. “Be smart, okay?”

“Sure thing, boss,” you said to her, mock saluting as best you could while you were leading Japan to the mounting block.

She rolled her eyes. “Please act normal or I’ll make you carry around that glorified pocket knife instead again.” 

The patrol began as usual, Ellie leading you down the same path you went last time. It was a beautiful day out, with the early spring sun filtering through the evergreen trees that populated the woods and birdsong filling the air. 

Though conversations with Ellie were getting easier (given that it actually seemed like she wanted to talk to you now), you were still starstruck. Nothing that you did and nothing that you thought could get you to stop seeing her the way you did. You were routinely distracted by everything about her. It was a wonder that you could even function as a normal person around her, much less handle a weapon and a horse. 

You two had nearly made the full rotation when your surroundings exploded in action. 

“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as someone behind you two fired a shot that narrowly missed Shimmer. 

You whipped around, gun in hand, to see two men—two normal men who weren’t infected. One held a bow, the other a gun. 

The one who had fired the first shot never even stood a chance. He was down on the ground seconds after you’d seen him, Ellie’s aim taking him out before you could even ready your gun. 

The second man notched an arrow and managed to draw it back and release into the air right as Ellie’s bullet struck him, sending him falling back. 

“I don’t think there’s any more,” said Ellie, slightly breathless as she scanned the forest. “Sometimes outsiders pull this shit—try to kill us for our supplies. I’ve never seen them this close to the wall, though. I’ll have to tell Maria and Tommy.”

Normally, you would’ve felt up to making some sort of sarcastic comment about how that was a really unconcerning thing for her to tell you and that you actually felt so much more comfortable going on patrol knowing that there were also just run-of-the-mill people trying to kill you, but a twinge in your lower body distracted you. 

Slowly, nervously, you looked down. Air immediately left your lungs. 

“At least we’re done,” Ellie was saying, wiping her hands off on her thighs and slinging the gun over her shoulder. “What a crazy end for your first actual patrol, huh?”

When you didn’t answer, she turned to you and saw the arrow sticking out of your side, 

“Shit,” said Ellie, jumping off Shimmer and reaching you in seconds. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh god.” 

“Am I going to die?” you asked, staring starstruck at the blood escaping the outline of the arrowhead. You couldn’t feel anything anymore. Were you in shock?

“No,” said Ellie firmly. “Absolutely not. Do you need help getting off?”

Before you could answer, she was already helping you down, carefully avoiding the protruding arrow. 

“Listen,” she said, back to being her unwavering self, “We’re right by the wall. I’m going to help you walk in, and then I’ll grab some supplies, okay? Don’t try to pull the arrow out. You hear me? Don’t.”

Swallowing hard, you nodded. She helped you walk the few steps to be carefully concealed by the wall, then grabbed the two horses and darted past you, making a break for Maria and Tommy’s cabin. 

In a haze of confusion, you could see Maria running out, holding a box out to Ellie in exchange for the reins of the horses. Ellie said something that made Maria point towards you. She nodded, then ran back to you.

By the time that she’d reached you, the shock had begun to wear off, replaced by the stinging pain from the object that had impaled you. It was worse than anything you’d ever felt before in your life, and it took all you had not to keel over. 

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to grab your face so you had to look at her. “Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this before, okay? I’m, like, the master. It’s going to be alright.” 

“Done what before?” you managed to grind out. 

Ellie let go of your face to dig through the box Maria had given her, producing a needle, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and what looked like a spool of thin thread. 

Horror slowly trickled through you as you realized what was about to happen. 

“It doesn’t look all that deep,” Ellie was saying as she examined the arrow. “So I don’t think it’s hit anything. It’s just going to be a nasty hole. I’m going to pull it out now, okay?”

You let out a strangled scream as she grasped the arrow’s end and yanked it out without warning.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ellie repeated. She threw the arrow over her shoulder and knelt so she was hovering over you. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you gasped. You were most certainly not. You couldn’t quite get your eyes to focus, and your heart was beating out of your chest. 

“Alright,” she said firmly, grasping your shoulders and pulling you up so you were slumped against the wall. “Sit up straight, alright? Also, this is going to hurt.” 

At first there were just snipping sounds as she cut part of your shirt away—then something cool and wet pressed to your wound. You cried out again as a fresh white hot pain bloomed in your middle. 

“I know, I know.” Ellie’s voice was consoling as she reached up to brush away the sweaty strands of hair stuck to your forehead. “Just a few more seconds.” 

“Fuck—off—” you gritted out from your teeth. 

Ellie’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Just this once.” 

She released the alcohol-saturated cotton pad, throwing it aside and fussing with the thread and needle until she was satisfied. 

By the time her fingers were ghosting over your abdomen again, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the puncture wound and the needle she was wielding. 

“Don’t look,” said Ellie. “Pick something else. You don’t need to watch.” 

“I hate needles,” you whispered, choosing the air over her shoulder to be your focal point. 

There was a prodding at the top of your wound, and you hissed. 

“I can’t say I’m a fan myself.” 

Something pierced through your skin, and your midriff exploded in pain. 

The edges of your sight went fuzzy, stars forming in the corners of your vision. Someone that sounded suspiciously like you cried out. Your cheek rammed up against something solid and warm. 

Once the initial sting had faded, you realized that you’d slumped into Ellie, your face buried into her neck. She didn’t make any move to push you off, instead just taking one hand to brush up and down your arm with a feather light touch. 

“You're fine," she said firmly. "Everything's going to be fine."

Your fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as the needle exited through the other end of your wound, pulling another whine from your throat. It was easier to not feel like you were about to pass out when you were crushed into Ellie, clinging onto her and just focusing on the way she felt against you. 

“Hang on, I'm almost there,” she muttered a few stitches later. You’d quieted down, only letting out the occasional gasp as she pulled the thread through. “You're doing so well. Just one more.”

Now that you were more conscious, you had no idea how she was managing to stitch your side while you were nearly on her lap, but she continued to weave her needle through your skin, pulling it taut. 

“And done,” said Ellie. You felt her take another cotton square to swipe against your skin. 

You laid against her for a few more moments, panting as the shock slowly began to fade. She shifted, and for a moment you were sure that she was going to shove you away, but then the hand she’d lifted hesitantly rested on your head, her fingers parting to card through your hair. 

“How did you learn how to do that?” you asked, your voice muffled from where you were pressed against her. 

“Trial and error.” 

Her joke was enough for you to finally let go, sitting back against the wall. Her hand slithered out of your hair, resting back in her lap. 

“Shut up,” you said. “That’s awful.” 

Ellie shrugged. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling the bumpiness of the stony wall press into your back. “I have a really low pain tolerance.”

“So I’ve noticed,” said Ellie, the side of her mouth quirking. 

“I’ve never been hurt before,” you heard yourself saying. “Like, beyond the occasional splinter or bee sting or accidental scrape or ankle sprain. It’s just not something that happens.” 

“Must be nice.”  

You smiled sadly. “Yeah. It’s not nice being weak, though.” 

Ellie looked away from you then, silent as she packed up the first-aid kit. Then: “I don’t think that’s true.” 

She’d said it lightly, like it was meant to be an offhand comment, a throwaway addition that wouldn’t be remembered by either of you. But the sentiment still struck you, twisting your heart.

You were less capable because your survival had never required anything more. You were weak because you could be. 

Her voice from the night she’d been high floated back to you. You haven't had to harden up like everyone else I know. 

Out here, weakness was a luxury few could afford. 

“Not so untouched anymore, huh?” you said, since you didn’t know how else to respond.

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” quipped Ellie. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I still consider needing to be held to get 4 stitches as being soft. You haven’t changed a bit. No offense.” 

Your cheeks burned bright red. “I—”

“I’m teasing,” she said before you could defend yourself. “Arrow wounds suck. I get it.” 

“Right.” You turned away, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the ground beside you. With feeling more yourself came the inevitable shame at what you’d just done. What had you been thinking, touching her like that? Grabbing onto her like that?

This was going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

“Don’t make that face,” said Ellie. “I’m sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It really is fine.” 

It was not fine. It would never be fine. You wanted the thugs to come back to life and finish you off, and then have the earth open up and swallow you for good measure. 

Ellie probably thought of you as an overgrown child. You doubted that there was ever a point where she could see you as anything equal. If she ever knew how often she appeared in your imagination, she’d probably be disgusted.

She called you pretty a contrarian voice in your head reminded you. Don't you remember?

But maybe she hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t said it explicitly: “Y/N, I think you’re pretty.” She just hadn’t argued when you’d pointed it out. Maybe because she was being nice, or maybe because she was actually being sarcastic. 

“You were really brave, okay?” said Ellie. “Your first armed confrontation and you did well.”

“I didn’t shoot anyone.”

“It could have gone worse,” said Ellie. “You could’ve accidentally shot me. Or died. And neither of those things happened, so that’s successful in my book.” 

“That’s very glass half-full of you.”

“That’s me. Ever the optimist.” 

You snorted.

~

That night, Ellie knocked on your door and asked you if you were up for another movie. You found yourself sitting on her comforter, plugging in your computer and booting it up minutes later.

Physically speaking, it had always been a little awkward to fit two people on her twin bed if they weren’t right next to each other, given that your laptop screen was a very unimpressive size. When you’d first started watching with her, Ellie would rest against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of you while you would sit with your legs crossed, positioned sideways so you weren’t accidentally pushing her legs off. 

But after the day you had had, your back was sore and your whole body ached. Sitting on something soft without any back support as you angled yourself to look at the screen was quickly proving unsustainable. 

“Pause,” said Ellie about ten minutes in. You’d been watching an older sci-fi flick—Ellie’s choice. 

You complied, leaning forward and pressing the spacebar. “What’s up?”

“Are you even comfortable sitting like that?”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Liar,” accused Ellie, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t think I don’t see you ‘discreetly’ cracking your back every 2 minutes. It’s ruining the movie.” 

“Sorry,” you said, shaking your head and smiling in exasperation. “It’s from all the years I spent hunched over a textbook.” 

“You know, you can sit up here,” she said, patting the space beside her. “I don’t bite.”

“Jury’s still out on that,” you said, though by the time Ellie let out a laugh you were already unfolding your legs and moving so you were next to her. 

She leaned forward, grabbing the bottom half of the laptop and lifting it. “Hey, do you want a blanket?”

“Sure.” 

Ellie’s other hand grabbed the edge of her comforter and held it up. 

Hesitantly, you slid your legs under and watched as Ellie did the same, awkwardly holding the laptop in the air before you were both settled enough to rest it on your covered right thigh and her left.  “Better?”

When you nodded, she reached her tattooed arm out and pressed play. The audio picked back up, but you couldn’t for the life of you focus on the movie.

When Ellie had asked if you’d wanted a blanket, you were expecting her to toss the throw blanket that would really only fit one person at you, not invite you to get under the blankets with her. That was significantly more intimate.

You two were sitting close enough that your sides were touching, from shoulder to thigh. You could feel her chest lift with each breath, feel the heat coming off of her.

After a while, Ellie properly laid down, taking the laptop and hoisting it up so it rested on her lower abdomen as she settled into her pillow.

You gulped, your eyes flickering between her face and the screen. Ellie’s gaze was fixed intently on the screen, her eyes half lidded with exhaustion.

You could be tired too. You weren’t, of course—your heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. But she didn’t know that. It was normal to lay down next to her, right? You’d done that with Irena more times than you could count, and it was never weird. Yeah, you could do that. 

Also, if you were totally horizontal, you would stop getting distracted by the sliver of her skin that her crooked shirt showed of her chest. 

In a moment of blind courage, you scooted down so your head was lying right next to Ellie’s. She didn’t seem to react, just extending her hand from under the covers to steady the laptop as it wobbled from the movement. 

Her sheets smelled like the soap that you used to wash your hair—a cottony freshness that had the slightest hint of lavender. 

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” asked Ellie after a while, her voice nothing more than a whisper. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” you responded, equally quiet. Then, because you hadn’t made enough rash decisions for the night, you angled your head so it rested in the space right above her shoulder. 

She inhaled sharply but didn’t move. On her next exhale a piece of her auburn hair tickled your forehead. 

“How’re your stitches?” she asked suddenly, like she'd just remembered.

“They’re okay. I think. As stitches go.”

“After this is over, I’ll check on them,” she said. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing for her to cut off your shirt and see your skin when she was trying to save your life while you were mentally gone. It was another thing altogether to pull up your shirt without adrenaline coursing through you.

You didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the movie, instead hyperfocused on the rhythm of Ellie’s breathing and the fact that if you moved just a little your chin would be on her shoulder. 

Her mention of the stitches wasn’t helping at all, either. Now all you could think about was the embarrassing way you’d basically tried to crawl under her skin, burying your face into her and clutching at her clothes like you were a child.

A part of you was disappointed that you hadn’t been more lucid at the time. If you had, you would’ve been able to clearly remember the softness of her skin against yours. You would’ve been able to enjoy it for what it was—the only time you’d be able to touch her like that.

Because you couldn’t go around just grabbing onto her shirt and getting into her lap. That was a one-off, the only time that the rules were waived. You couldn’t touch her like that now, now that you didn’t have any excuse. It wasn’t allowed.

But sometimes you wanted to so badly that it hurt. 

The movie ended abruptly, wrenching you out of your thoughts. 

“Hey,” whispered Ellie. “Sit up so I can see.”

Reluctantly, you pressed yourself up from your back and began rolling up the hem of your shirt. Ellie twisted to face backwards, her thin top riding up and showing part of her back as she reached for the lamp.

Once golden light returned to the room, Ellie turned back and bumped your hands away. She bent over, tilting her head so that she was looking at the stitches straight on.

They didn’t look bad, you had to admit. Though you wouldn’t consider the actual experience of getting the stitches a 5-star experience, Ellie had clearly known what she was doing. The surrounding flesh didn’t look angry or irritated, and she’d pulled the stitches just tight enough without it puckering. 

She prodded at the side, then gave a satisfied nod. “Looks good. What did I tell you? I’m really good at this sort of stuff.”

“I think you would’ve made a really good doctor,” you said once she’d sat up straight again. “Under different circumstances.”

“Is this you telling me that you don’t think I’m a good doctor now?” she teased. 

“Your bedside manner could use some work,” you offered.

Ellie laughed then, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, yeah. You lived. You'll get over it.” 

“Did you go to school?” you found yourself asking, hung up on the thought of Ellie as a potential medical student. If she’d been in one of your intro biology classes, you never would’ve been able to pay attention. That was a fantasy you could shelve away for later. 

“Sort of,” said Ellie, looking down at her arms. “I went to a military prep school run by FEDRA. I didn’t graduate though—obviously. I was long gone by then.” 

“Right,” you said, remembering that she’d mentioned that she’d been 14 when she’d left Boston. “And what was it like?” 

She paused, opening her mouth before closing it. “It was—unkind. Joel's told me about schools before the outbreak. It was nothing like that. There were some normal classes, but most of it was meant to prepare us to be soldiers.” 

“Is that where you learned how to do sutures?” 

“Among other things.”

Terranova had no military academies, given that there was hardly any military presence. The founder of Terranova had bodyguards and there was a police force that controlled the borders, but it was nothing like Ellie described. With invisible borders and a social order that valued peace and tranquility over all else, there was no real danger posed to any of the citizens. 

But from what you had learned from movies and books and comments from older people, you had gathered a very dim picture of what a military academy looked like—harsh, strict, and cruel. 

“I’m sorry you had to grow up like that,” you said. 

“It’s okay.”

“Is there anything you would want to study? If you could?” 

Ellie’s eyes closed. “Yeah. There are a couple things.” 

She did not elaborate. 

~

It didn’t take long for you two to settle back into your routine of meeting in her room each evening and watching one of your downloaded movies. Following the night after you’d gotten your stitches, you wouldn’t even have to ask—Ellie would pull up her comforter and let you slide in next to her without giving you a second glance.

You’d also gotten over the fear of touching her. Now, when you flopped back so your head was on her pillow, you’d adjust until you were nestled into the crook of her neck. She never once reacted to it, remaining perfectly still unless she was adjusting the laptop or messing with the sound. 

Because it was normal, of course. You and Irena would rest your head on each other’s shoulders sometimes. That was something that friends did. 

One night a week or so into April, you and Ellie made a harrowing discovery: there was only one movie left in your collection that you two hadn’t seen together. 

“Damn,” said Ellie, furrowing her brow. “And there’s no way to get more on here?”

“I’m afraid not,” you said, frowning. “To download more or stream one, I’d need either an Ethernet cable or a wi-fi connection. Neither of which function out here anymore without cell towers and maintained cables.” 

“Right,” said Ellie, though her face told you that she didn’t understand a word that had come out of your mouth. “So—this is it?”

“Yeah.” Your finger hovered over the play button. “Savor it, I guess.” 

When you settled back and into her side, the heavy weight of dread settled into your stomach. Now that you’d finished showing her your entire collection, it’s not like she’d have a reason to invite you over every night. And there was especially no reason for you two to lie so closely together unless you were both trying to watch something on a small screen.

Once again, your excuse to touch her was gone.

You pressed closer to her as your mind raced. There was no way that Ellie didn’t see what you were doing as platonic, right? Was it possible that she was creeped out by how touchy you were but just tolerated it to be nice? 

Maybe. You swallowed hard, keeping your eyes fixed on the screen. Ellie didn’t see you like…like that. She spoke to you like you were an obligation, a burden. Because you always had been. You’d been a responsibility thrust on her by a father figure who felt like he was indebted to you from that stupid bag of coffee you were lucky enough to bring. 

Oh, god. Had Joel told her to befriend you? Had he asked for Ellie to pretend like she enjoyed spending time with you and to put up with your privileged, soft-hearted nonsense? 

The knowledge that you were spiraling wasn’t enough to stop you. You did the best that you could—tried to remind yourself that it’d been a while since she’d looked disgusted with you, recall that she was outspoken enough to tell you to fuck off if you did something she didn’t like—but it was to no avail.

Ellie reached forward and hit pause on the movie, thrusting you both into silence. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked after a moment. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I can feel your heart going, like, crazy fast.” 

You froze. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I was just thinking.” 

Ellie pushed the laptop off of her, sitting up to give you an odd look. “About a near death experience or something? You running a marathon up there? That shit’s not normal.” 

You laughed nervously. “It’s really nothing. Just an, uh, suspenseful movie.” 

Which was actually really stupid of you to say, because you were watching some obscure Tarkovsky film that did nothing but pan over burning buildings and pensive men. For the past 5 minutes, there had been nothing on screen but the back of a car driving through traffic with minimal sound. Also, it was in Russian, and the English subtitles made zero sense.

There was a reason why this was the last movie you chose.

“This is the most boring fucking movie I’ve ever watched in my life, so you’re a dirty fucking liar,” said Ellie. Then her face pinched in worry. “Wait. Have you taken a look at your stitches lately?” 

Before you could answer, she was grabbing a flashlight off her nightstand and yanking the comforter off you. She was pulling your shirt up when you finally found your voice.

“Wait!” you said, grabbing the bottom of your shirt and yanking it back in place. “It’s not—I don’t have an infection, okay? There’s nothing wrong with me. I really was just thinking, okay?”

“About what?” She reached back to place her flashlight back on the stand without taking her eyes off you. 

“It’s nothing important.”

“If you say so.” 

She picked the laptop up and placed it back on her thighs, lying back down. You followed suit, but this time you didn’t touch her, opting to keep as much distance as you could so she wouldn’t hear the stuttering of your heart. 

Not even 5 minutes had passed before Ellie sat up to pause the video again.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No. Why?” 

“You’re acting weird,” she accused, but there wasn’t much conviction behind her voice. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that you’re acting weird,” she repeated, shutting your laptop off and moving it to the bottom of her bed, despite the protests that left your lips. 

“I don’t understand,” you said. “I’m just watching the movie. I’m not doing anything. “

“You’re not watching the movie,” she said. “You weren’t even looking at the screen. What’s got you so bothered? Did I do something?” 

“Of course not.” You pulled your legs under you so your legs were crossed and your back was against the wall. “You don’t need to worry. It’s honestly fine. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to imply otherwise.” 

Ellie rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. “You stress me out. You can just tell me, you know? No need to be so cagey. I promise I’ve heard worse.” 

“Don’t be so quick to say that.”

“Okay, now you have to tell me,” she said. “I’m never going to know peace again with a hook like that.” 

You were about to open your mouth to tell her that it was stupid and that it didn’t matter, but something stopped you. 

That was the coward’s way out. That’s what you’d always done—hid your feelings and concealed your emotions. That’s how you’d been raised. That’s how you thought everyone was. But now that you’d spent 2 months in Jackson, you’d realized that some people actually just said what they thought. And that, in the grand scheme of things, it was a better system than the Terranovian culture of superficiality.  

Just because the you 2 months ago would have shook her head and changed the subject didn’t mean the you now had to. 

Maybe this you could be different. Maybe, for once, this you could be brave. 

“I really—” You stopped yourself. Saying I really like you didn’t even begin to encompass what you felt for the girl sitting across from you. To distill the sheer magnitude of your feelings down to four words felt criminal. The swell in your chest that never went away whenever you were near her could never and would never be adequately represented in the puny offerings of the Latin alphabet and the English language, and if you were going to do this, you were going to do it right. 

You dared to look up at her for a moment. She was completely still, her green eyes reflecting the dim moonlight from outside. Once you met her gaze, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it away.

“I’m really sorry that I’m putting you in an uncomfortable position for saying this,” you began (because old habits ran deep, and you would rather die than be impolite), “And I totally understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this. And I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.”

“As much as I’m sure that this is some sort of cultural cornerstone for you, please spare me the 6 foot long disclaimer script,” Ellie drawled.

“Right.” You gulped. “Anyway. As I was saying.”

“Any day now.” 

At that moment, she had never looked more perfect. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark lighting, so the weak moonlight that spilled in from the window above her created a halo around her head. 

“It’s you.” Your voice came out tiny. “You’re all that I can think about, and I don’t know what to do.”

There. It was off your chest.

For a moment, it was as if you’d suspended time, stopping Earth on its axis as you both held your breaths. There was nothing but silence and the occasional wooden creak of the old house’s foundation in the wind. 

Ellie’s face betrayed nothing, save for something in her eyes and the disappearance of the smirk that had been on her lips moments before. 

Then she spoke, her response whispered.

“Come here, then.” 

final a/n: NOW HOLD ON before you show up outside my dorm with pitchforks and torches 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i'm so sorry but this was a necessary evil as this was going to a massive scene without the chapter break. also a disproportionately massive chapter compared to the other ones coming out. i write very quickly and should get the following part out in a timeframe similar to the first 3 parts. thank u for reading ! tell me what you think abt this chapter while you wait x

[mokokone]

Hello!

I want to ask, would you do requests for yandere?

A/n: I honestly didn't know if you were requesting a Yandere!Medicine Seller fanfic or something else entirely. (May I remind you to please be a little more specific when asking me questions. It is important for me to understand exactly what you are looking for in order to give you content. Thanks♡). But I wrote a Yandere!Medicine Seller headcanons just in case.

Enjoy!

⚠Trigger Warning ⚠ dubious content, abusive relationship, implied non-con, yandere.

Yandere!Medicine Seller/Kusuriuri x Reader - Headcanons

He is so unpredictable that you must be careful around him. You never know when he will decide to pick on you for small things or mock you for being foolish.

If Kusuriuri didn't jokingly refer to you as his beloved mate, you wouldn't understand why he keeps you by his side.

He shows that he cares about you by being protective and possessive, displaying his affection in his own unique way. Despite his harsh exterior, there are moments when he lets his guard down, revealing a softer side that makes you question his true feelings towards you.

At times, it almost feels like a game to him, teasing you and testing your patience and loyalty. Kusuriuri's complex personality adds an element of mystery to your relationship, making each interaction with him both exhilarating and nerve-wracking.

He'd always say that you hold a special place in his heart and would never let anything or anyone harm you. Once he finds out you're being threatened, mistreated, or cheated, he slays an entire village by striking up deals with malevolent Mononoke, letting them do as they please, and terrorizing innocent civilians in favor of not hunting and exercising them.

There were times he'd even pretend to be oblivious and lazy, refusing to lift a single finger to help those in need just to spite you.

You never asked him to do this, and it's obvious that it bothers you, but that doesn't prevent him. He wanted everyone to treat you with the same level of fear and respect that they would give him.

Kusuriuri's enigmatic nature keeps you on your toes, never quite sure what to expect next. The thrill of his unpredictable behavior makes every moment spent with him a blend of excitement and trepidation. At times, the intensity of his actions can be overwhelming and even frightening. Despite this, he reassures you of his unwavering loyalty and protection. If he senses any threat to you, he reacts swiftly and decisively, leaving a little trail of chaos in his wake.

He always looks at you with this sickening smirk after you witness this. He knows you don't like it—the sight of his true form, the begging for mercy, or the rare moments when people will turn to you and beg for forgiveness as if believing that you had control over him, instead of it being the other way around.

The way you shudder in disgust or turn your head, too scared, maybe even ashamed, pleases him greatly. He just might fuck you afterward or during, depending on his mood.

He'll leave not just one, but several bite marks along your neck, making sure that anyone who catches a glimpse of them will immediately recognize who you are claimed by. These marks are his way of marking his territory, showing the world that you are his and his alone.

Occasionally, he enjoys hurting you just as much as he enjoys keeping you safe. It's something he really enjoys doing! But don't misunderstand him; he does care about you in his own unique way. If he didn't care, you wouldn't be around.

Outside of his emotions, you don't have much value to him. It's tough to realize this when Kusuriuri uses you like a stress ball. Each time, you end up scratched and bruised from his rough handling. It feels like you're nothing more than a beloved toy to him, far from being his lover.

Funny how you're supposed to be his mate but are scared of his true form. Whenever you get a little bold, you might catch a glimpse of his other self in the mirror. He doesn't show his other self this often, but he just loves to tease you.

There's no point in you parading around your dignity and pride when he has the means to swipe it away in the blink of an eye.

How many times has he made you beg him for mercy now? What about the times he drugged you and pleasured your unconscious body? He'd lost count. Yet, you still remain by his side, trapped in a cycle of dependence and fear. It's a sick game he plays, and you're the helpless pawn in his twisted world. But amidst the darkness, there is a flicker of light.

 In his embrace, you find solace, love, and safety, a brief respite from the torment of his cruelty.

[da-rulah]

I suddenly had a very chaotic thought and I need answers. How would the ghouls and ghoulettes do in an escape room?

This... IS chaotic...

Sodo

Doesn't understand why he was dragged into this, is pissy from the off.

Keeps slapping, punching, hitting, kicking - even headbutting - different items in the room in the hopes a key will fall out.

"Maybe there's one in... *SMACK* here?"

He will not be invited to one of these again.

Phantom

When he's not hitting the things Sodo has already hit, just in case, he's too busy trying to scare everyone in the dark.

He'll make sudden loud noises when it goes quiet or grab someone from behind.

Keeps moving shit... Oh, there was a key in that drawer? Not anymore...

Every time they get close to a clue, he'll fuck with it.

Swiss

Thinks he knows EVERYTHING

Has already had a tantrum when Cumulus didn't listen to him and managed to get a key despite his advice.

He has been jump-scared by Phantom, and yelled at him for not taking this seriously enough.

Sodo 'accidentally' mistook him for an object that looked mighty slappable. Swiss was not impressed.

Mountain

Has been asked to hold up a torch to illuminate the room from the corner

Is still stood there 20 minutes later.

No other input. He is lamp.

Rain

Sat in the corner of the room under a table, still trying to figure out the answer to the first clue that the rest figured out several clues ago.

Phantom keeps frightening him, and he's keeping out of Sodo's way.

"I just... don't... how?"

Wishes he'd stayed home and coloured.

Cumulus

She's trying her best, has helped with a few of the clues

But she saw Rain under the table hiding and confused, and scooted in under there with him.

"You see, this goes here, and then the 3 turns into an 8, and voila! Get it?" "....No..."

She finds everyone else losing their minds absolutely hilarious.

Aurora

Noticed Phantom was fucking around, and yelled at him.

"I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!"

Whilst Cumulus finds it funny everyone's going insane, Aurora is struggling.

Cirrus

Bless her, she's trying so hard to organise this chaos.

What can she do? She's only got one pair of hands...

She fears they may never escape this place.

This was NOT the kind of hell she signed up for!

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 22 REACTION (SPOILERS)

"So you just ran away" Lena sweetie my live what else was she meant to do (to be fair, Gwen didn't have to provoke ink5oul)

"Watching figure" yeah OK definitely some Eye creature of sorts I'm rly thinking it's like...The Beholding as a creature or an old archivist

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY "presumably you didn't get any contact details from them?" "I guess it's slipped my mind as I was fleeing the SUPERNATURAL PSYCHOPATHS!" also Lena I don't think that you were gonna get any contact details regardless that bitch don't seem like they got a phone

Lena genuinely cares about her employees but also she hates paperwork (polar opposite of Elias)

Okay here's the thing right. I kind of get Gwen. She wasn't briefed on how to handle a situation like that, like what was she MEANT to do??? I would be pissed off if shit like that happened and no one gave me any warning (again, though, Gwen also has a tendency to naturally be a bit bitchy so that probably made it worse)

WAIT. HOLD ON MRS. KELLEY?? AM I READING INTO THINGS TOO MUCH OR. GUYS IS LENA MARRIED????

YO GUYS GRANDPA IS BACK

Oh shit okay so they are kind of recreating or continuing Newton's original experiments, seeing as they mentioned an experiment on Canis (which I believe means "dog"). It seems to have been expanded to apes (Hominidae), bunnies (Leoporidae), and old world monkeys (Cercopithecidae). And it seems this researcher is having strange side effects when it comes to his subjects.

"Herr Schmidt" I'm assuming this is German?

Hm, being told to use silver which again is like. Seeming to be a theme. I'm not sure but in the Newton episode, was there silver as well?

Okay for clarification, it seems like "Zeitgeist" is an invisible agent, force, or daemon dominating the characteristics of a given epoch in world history. Einthoven was a Dutch medical doctor and physiologist and he created the first ECG.

Woahhh hold on. So they're talking about severing a bundle of nerves to make it seem like two animals in one body because it messes with sense of self? This kind of makes me think a little of ink5ouls, the way they seemed scared sometimes of what they were becoming and then like. You know. Scary monster let's chase down Gwen and tattoo her against her will.

Hmm okay so this telegraph seems to be directly responding to the researcher's question, not the patient himself. Like it seems like it's Telegraph -> Herr Schmidt's reaction and not Herr Schmidt's thoughts -> Telegraph reaction.

OH. OK. HERR SCHMIDT IS DEAD NOW.

Damn Ursula is awesome she could immediately understand what was happening.

Oh boy. Oh this gonna be bad. Sam is going to find out that Alice was messing with his computer and Sam does NOT seem like the type to be chill with that.

Hm okay so the severing of the nerves might have worked? And perhaps it was like there were 2 people in Herr Schmidt's body? And from what I can tell, they want so badly to get out that they basically BURST out if his head in the deformity from the back of his head? It still doesn't answer WHAT or WHO these two voices are.

Also it makes sense that Augustus is giving something like this because like...pretty sure he's stuck in the computer, probably with jonmartin and they all want out.

Aw man :(((

OH BOY. "You're trying to control me. Again." I wonder if this is referencing their relationship and why they broke up. I can see it, I do think that Alice has a tendency to be controlling out of need to keep everyone around her safe which is pretty different, but I'm on Sam's side here. Taking away his ability to choose just...isn't great.

Yeahhhh Alice seems to have definitely been hoping to rekindle what they might have had but I think the issue seems that she hoped SAM had changed from before while the reason they broke up was because Sam couldn't be with Alice anymore since he felt like she was too controlling. And now that Sam seems to be having a genuine connection with Celia where he feels comfortable and happy, Alice seems jealous.

SHUT THE FUCK UP. OH MY GOD WHAT WHAT WHAT HOLY FUCK HIH WHAT AKDVAKDHWJT E

JONATHAN SIMS AND MARTIN BLACKWOOD????

HEY GUYS WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK HWIAHAOWVEBE RHAJDVAIBDKWBR E

I JUST SCREAMED "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" WHAT YOU WHAT HUH WHAT

AND THE FACT THAT CELIA MENTIONED THEM BOTH SPECIFICALLY TOGETHER LIKE HELLO???? GUYS IM. WHAT.

I'm sorry shut up this is all I'm gonna be talking about for the next month what the HELL

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

I saw fanart and now I’m doing a thought/prompt dump. Most of these are SoapGhost

1) Soap is a fuckin atrocious eater 😂 like man’s gets food all over his mouth (and on one occasion his hair cause he didn’t realise he had food on his hands) and Ghost finds it both wildly endearing and so so fuckin annoying. He still cleans him up anyway though

2) Soaps a brat. No question, without a doubt, he’s a brat. And Ghost lives for it. He loves pushing Soap to be as bratty as he can be just so he can turn around and teach him a lesson. Soap knows Ghost does this and sometimes he’ll up it just a touch more cause he also loves the game they play

3) Ghost finally figuring out Soap’s been proper flirting with him (and not just as a game) and freaking tf out and Soaps just there like ‘thank you for noticing my heartfelt feelings for you after so long’

4) 2022 Ghost and Soap meeting 2009 Ghost and Soap would be so funny and so chaotic and just- yes. But also, throw 2009 & 2022 Price in the mix to add on the angst of knowing the other two died and shit

5) Soap going around kissing everyone but then when he gets to Ghost and tries to give him a short kiss on the cheek the others dragging him away to thoroughly ruin him

6) Ghost using Johnny’s ass to stabilise his sniper instead of his shoulder or whatever cause ‘Johnny your muscles are getting in the way, turn around’ 🤣

7) Someone else said this once but Johnny stealing one of Ghost’s skull masks and painting it red and then claiming he’s always had it and doesn’t know why his Lt is accusing him of crime

8) Soap using Ghost as a recharge for his social battery. One small kiss or hug from the man and he’s ready to light up a room again

9) Soap’s got a hardcore oral fixation and it’s hard to find him without something in his mouth. Most times he’s got lollipops in his mouth (cause he really doesn’t wanna go through the mess of accidentally breaking a pen with his teeth again) and Ghost is so weak for it

10) Soap using Ghost’s shirts to sleep in cause they’re comfy and bigger than him (Soap loves feeling small sometimes cause he’s a big dude)

11) Alejandro locking Soap in a closet somewhere on base (cause the man wouldn’t shut the fuck up) and then having to deal with the consequences of an angry (scared) Ghost that goes on an absolute warpath thinking Soap’s been kidnapped

12) Soap being an amazing cook but none of the 141 knowing cause they pissed him off and he cooked them borderline poisonous food as revenge. They won’t let him near the kitchen now

13) This wasn’t a fanart I saw but my brain took it to these two idiots anyway. But Ghost squeezing the absolute shit out of Soap’s ass and Soap just letting him cause he’s low key proud his ass made his Lt. Act out of sorts 😂

14) Soap putting on a harsher accent when he’s shy cause he hopes to god that whoever he’s talking to will give up on trying to understand him and leaves it alone

15) Alejandro learnt one bit of Gaelic so he could swear at Soap and Soap lost his fuckin mind at him in Gaelic and Spanish. Nobody’s ever tried doing it again

16) Soap’s so fuckin pale under all that gear that if you shine a light on it directly you will be blinded

17) Ghost catfishing Soap on tinder but Soap knowing about it cause his Lt. is an idiot that’s never put a password on his phone, he’s still rolling with it cause he wants to see how far he can get

18) Ghost marks Soap up to hell and back before he goes out for drinks so people know he’s taken even if Ghost isn’t there to tell them himself

19) Soap makes random noises with literally every little thing he does (it gets worse when he’s bored) and Ghost doesn’t understand it but he finds it funny and will sometimes join in (though denies it if he’s caught)

20) Last one, Soap’s got an entire journal filled with pictures from the end of each mission and they all have little messages or the names of anyone they might’ve lost. It stays on base and hidden cause it holds a lot of value to him

[xatsperesso]

I have read a funny fic (not finished, sadly) where Kalego's wicked phase was him being VERY VERY OVERPROTECTIVE. He was keeping his student in the royal one and didn't le them go away from his watch, or anyone else enter, even Balam XD (and the staff decide to call Narnia for help)

And now i imagine a wicked phase like that : he would lock up himself and the misfits in the royal class and would let anyone get in or get out. NOBODY. He would keep his student under his watch because he refuse to let them being hurt. So keeping them under his watch is the best way.

He would see any other adult as threats for his students, even Balam. He would attack Opera as soon he see him because HE sees him as a threat, even if not for the students. He would attack even Sullivan if he tried to get Iruma back.

Because this child get hurt so easely!! He MUST keep him SAFE.

Dadlego mode "over 9000"

In the fic, he even kidnapp Buer, catching him by a window when he sees him passing by, because one of the students is hurt (so need a healer). and he let not him go away neither. And i think that this idea is hilarous.

Now it's my headcanon! WP!Kalego is VERY protective, so much that he's a threat of everyone except his students XD

So now imagine WP!Dantalion and WP!Kalego happening in the same time.

FUCK no one will be able to leave the school. That's it, this is their lives now. They need to adapt to living in the school until both of the teachers are out of their wicked phases XD

But can you imagine how confused and scared the misfits were the first time kalego locked them in the royal class?

Cause i imagine it like kalego locks them up and then stares at them to be able to respond the second someone needs help

But all the kids see is there stern teacher acting weird, locking them up for some reason, and then proceeds to glare at them in silence (cause he's alert in case someone tries breaking in, but the kiddos dont know)

And i guarantee you every one of them will remember every mistake they ever made, unsure which one made their teacher act like this and fear for their lives.

And to make matters worse and scarier to the kids, they keep seeing teachers trying and failing to get into royal one and the kids just don't understand what's going on???

But the big question is, will the two demons in their wicked phase fight, or will they join forces to keep their students safe

You see, on one hand demons are territorial, and each teacher will see the other as encroaching on their territory. Kalego is refusing to let dali see his treasure. Dantalion, a demon in his wicked phase, is a threat to kalego's students. A fight will surely ensue

And the fact that kalego is standing up to Dantalion, his senior, must annoy dali quite a bit.

But they could see it another way. Maybe Dantalion will let kalego, a part of his treasure, do what he wants. If he fought him, kalego might get hurt. And it seems like it's healthy to let demons in the wicked phase act on their desires, so dali will just let him feel safe with the students, and it's not like dali can't go in there if he wants.

Or maybe they find common ground to stand on. Kalego allows dali to see the students as long as dali doesn't get too close, and dali stops anyone from trying to stop kalego or take the stupid home. After all, they're way safer in the school, so what's wrong with having them in the school for a few days?

[poolpvrty]

every time i come to your blog im smacked in the face with how pretty it is also regpeter????

as a collector of rare pairs i

MUST

know

thank you ‼️

giggling and kicking my feet..... thank you so much!!

I have so many opinions about regpeter it's crazy..... they're a parasite in my brain eating up all of my other thoughts. allow me to yap about them in depth now:

their dynamic in any au/setting is easy for me to picture but hard for me to verbalize... I heavily subscribe to modern au regpeter where pete is this shy stoner type and reg is his cunty goth bf (thank you jen for coming up with that!!) but I mostly think of them in a more canon compliant sense.

I think they're drawn to each other because, at heart, they're both followers. peter prefers not having to think for himself/ likes just going with the flow because he's friends with very headstrong people, and it's easier to just do what they're doing. and regulus does pretty much the exact same thing, he follows his parents' word because that's what's expected of him, he doesn't bother thinking too much about what being a death eater represents or entails. they're cowardly people pretending they're not, unable to confide in their loved ones about their true feelings because 1. it's frowned upon to be so unopinionated and 2. they're too scared to. this is why I think they find so much solace in each other. regulus for sure believes that muggles are beneath him but I don't think he agrees with killing them. not because he thinks their lives have just as much value as his, but because he's like 17 and murder is fucking terrifying. he takes the mark and immediately regrets it because he's being forced to act now, he can't just nod along and pretend he's so enthusiastic about voldys cause. peter's situation is so similar it's actually kind of funny....

he joins the order because the other three did, and because maybe he thought it would buy him more protection in the war, but now he's being sent on missions and the more things develop, the more scary it gets. he sees other order members get injured or die and he sees how determined they are to kill the least amount of people as possible, opting to try and imprison the death eaters rather than take them out completely. peter quickly understands that this isn't where he'll be safest, so when he's given the chance to switch sides.... he does.

peter gets the mark just like reg, they're both in voldys inner circle, so I imagine they see each other at meetings. I think peter would take one look at the people in that room, see regulus, a sort of familiar face, and absolutely cling to him. he tries his hardest to always sit next to him, looks to him for approval whenever he has to speak. regulus is weirded out at first but the longer they talk and sort of float around each other, the more he understands that peter is a lot like him. eventually, he gets the full story on peters' betrayal, complex feelings included, and for the first time in his life, regulus has someone he can genuinely relate to. he feels like he can finally breathe, like he has someone on his team. they're both objectively bad people, but they're a very similar brand of bad that nobody else on the Dark side is. they can tell each other their worst thoughts and know that the other won't judge them because they likely feel the exact same way about something else.

i think they each feel immense guilt for their choices (peter, for betraying his friends; regulus for being exactly who sirius says he is), they just don't have the courage or reason to change their situations (yet). since this whole thing has been pretty canon compliant, I'm not sure if they would ever define their relationship in concrete terms.... but the feelings are definitely there!! it's very private, very secretive, absolutely nobody knows. at meetings, they're just like everyone else there: closed off, cold, aloof. they don't really talk to each other, peter quickly stops looking at regulus so much. but behind closed doors... they're wrapped around each other in utter silence, just allowing themselves to breathe. sometimes they talk, sometimes they do other things, sometimes they just sit and do nothing.

I haven't really considered what would happen after the whole horcrux situation, how regulus' choice would change things between them, but I imagine that their quiet tranquility would probably end. if reg tells him at all, pete would 100% try to talk him out of going to the cave. the idea that they're both cowards, but given the right circumstances, they can force themselves to be brave is really interesting to me, especially given what they each chose to be brave about. because reg did manage to gather the courage to do the right thing, despite how hard it must have been to go against his family. but peter didn't. he just got worse, summoning his own courage to give up james and lily, to frame sirius, to kill those muggles, to do all of these things until he wasn't scared of doing them anymore. it's just something that scratches my brain....

this got really long I'm so sorry. I'm not even sure if it even describes their relationship the way I intended but oh well!

[gtraccoon]

opinions on giant jax or smol jax? i feel like both would enhance how annoying and mean he is…

both totally would 😭 he’d be a little shit either way.

small:

he’d have a harder time getting into/out of rooms and stuff, maybe he’d force someone to help. so unless he has some other way of getting into rooms i don’t think the keys wil help him much

hee be the type to literally be scared of nothing. about to be crushed? “bitch i dare you”

if it’s been a thing since he arrived, i think his relationships with most characters would be relatively the same. he could still tie gangle up or move kingers stuff around to mess with him.

if it was a new thing i think he’d be very against messing around for awhile. ragatha would probably try to help him but he’d reassure her he’s fine and he can do stuff (mess with literally everyone) on his own.

honestly i really like the idea that he seriously enjoys moving things around to mess with people. even getting as cocky as to mess with caine

caine doesn’t really care to be honest. he’s just like “jax will take care of himself”

he’s not really into searching for an exit like this. though he really acts like he doesn’t care, he’d much rather be a normal size than like this. no matter the repercussions… like how he couldn’t convince half the cast tht they’re all going crazy or that they’re being haunted

(i know this is mean but he’d prolly hide and whisper things to people to make them think they’re hearing things 😭)

okay, jax but big.

honestly, he’d just be an asshole but a much bigger one… figuratively and literally

i don’t think he’d want the characters to be scared of him.. maybe just weary.

he wouldn’t hurt them, not on purpose or very bad anyway.

he’d definitely take advantage of their fears. any character afraid of heights? easy. just hold them up in the air, or better yet, place them on a very high ledge and then leave, wait for someone to save them.

if this was a new thing, he probably would be the only one not majorly effected by it. everyone else is terrified but he’s just like “this is so funny guys”

if it’s been like that since he got there, i think at first he’d be scared. he’d be confused, not understanding how things worked, and constantly stay away from people because he doesn’t understand people don’t really die there. so even if he wanted to he can’t hurt them.

i don’t think he cares too much about the other characters. he wouldn’t go out of his way to make sure they’re safe if it puts him in danger. but if something’s gonna hurt them and it dant hurt him, he’d probably just kick it.

(like an incomprehensible horror, depending on how big we’re talking)

either way, he’d still find a way to mess around w them totally. everyone has their own way keeping themselves entertained, and if that’s fucking with everyone else, then that’s fine.

(that does raise the question though. if small jax abstracted would the incomprehensible horror he became be small too? and vise versa. we’ve seen with kaufmo that the abstracted horrors are massive compared to the original character, but so far most of the characters have been around the same height. like, i think kaufmo and ragatha are around the same height. but what would a character twice their height or more turn into?)

weirddddddd !!!

[garyroachsanderson]

Will never not get over the bestfriend hcs pls bless us with more🛐 Also love your writing!!

hi thank you!! here’s more

141 - best friend hcs

(requested)

GHOST:

long periods of silence where neither of you say anything, but its comfortable. you’re both doing completely different things but it qualifies as hanging out

if you have a personality similar to him: you didn’t approach him at first, you both kind of orbited around each other. he eventually just started hanging out more, being closer to you in battle, until you both decided to hang around each other. you have his back, he has yours.

if you dont: you probably approached him at first. his personality off out you, but you continued your kindness until he saved you during a mission. from that point on, you became inseparable. he has a soft spot for you and you only.

soap probably tried to befriend you at some point, to which ghost scared him off. its not that he’s obsessive or anything, he just wants soap to piss off and find his own friend, because he knows if you were friends with him he’d get you mindlessly injured at some point.

you passed out during a mission after being shot, and it was the only time the team had ever seen ghost cry. you were fine of course—he just thought you were dead because he didn’t know if you could take a bullet.

awful jokes. terrible jokes, even.

one day, you decided to retaliate.

“ay, l.t.?”

“what?”

“what do you call a soldier who shits himself often?”

“…”

“a LOOtenant.”

“go right to hell.”

SOAP:

blood brothers (siblings?). there has definitely been a point where you shook hands and shared blood

you’re the one who gave him his haircut. he trusted you with a razor, and you buzzed it into a terrible mohawk. he thinks it suits him, and tried playing it off by saying he loves it. now, he chooses to cut it like that

many “why are you buying clothes at the soup store” incidents

as the only one who can understand his accent, you often have to translate for him. though, if you have an accent, it has the same effect as putting two phones with ‘talking tom’ installed on them next to each other.

“i dare you to shout that over comms”

“you always fucking win at uno” (he doesnt know how to play and gets angry)

you unintentionally learned scottish

he definitely wanted to be bffs the second he saw you. he simply thinks you are cool

PRICE:

you are a literal teachers pet

you consistently stand up for him when the conversation turns

def a niece/nephew and crazy uncle type relationship. “(reader) gets to hold the guns because i said so”

you two play so many card games you dream of aces and spades

“and why does (reader) get shotgun? i called it first”

“because they’re better than all of you combined”

terrible old man jokes but kind of funny. you know a lot of like 1960s lingo

if you were to ever be injured it would definitely be a NO NO NO SOAP NO NO NO moment

the reason hes taken such a shining to you is because he thought you were stupid when you joined the ranks. when you saved his ass from SEVERAL attacks, his opinion changed.

ROACH:

:)

rock, paper scissors is your favorite game to play together. he cant often beat you, and spends a lot of time trying to get better, which is why when he hits his head he plays rock paper scissors with himself

you helped him instead of crack jokes when he was a newbie, which is why you’re each other’s favorite. he reminded you of yourself when you were younger

alternatively, you were the newbie after roach. he didnt want you to feel the same shame that he did when he joined, so he protected you from the higher-ups jokes, and you never drifted apart

you’re the only one hes ever actually gotten to tell he was transgender. price saw it in his file, and wanted to name him ‘cockroach’.. but he didnt have one. hes kept it a secret from everyone else, though.

on the day of shepherds betrayal, it was you in ghosts shoes. you actually managed to get a bullet in shepherds heart, but he got you as well. you managed to drag him away into the treeline, and you somehow managed to fucking live.

once again, same room! price thought it was only fair.

he has a sewn on patch of whatever your callname is, and you have a sewn on patch of a roach on your shoulder.

[lollytea]

Controversial opinion off anon edition: I do not like the Hunter vs Amity trope. The genuine versus, like Amity and Hunter not being able to stand in a room together type of genuine. I like the idea of Amity and Hunter having an unspoken understanding of each other, since they came out of similar situations where someone else was trying to tell them how to be. They both managed to break free of it and find themselves. A common reason I see for the trope is “Hunter threatened Luz in front of Amity and she could never forgive that after trying to offer him friendship” but nearly everyone has threatened Luz after an offer, he’s not somehow special or held to a different expectation.

Another reason why I want them to be friends instead is because I hc Amity and Hunter as autistic and, being autistic myself, I think it’s funny when they hate crime each other. Literally every time I think of them going at it I picture the 2020 meme on Twitter about “girls w autism vs guys w autism”.

YEAH. In fairness I don't really see people putting any genuine animosity between Amity and Hunter in their content lately. It used to be a huge thing but has died down a significant amount. But yeah it's just. They like each other, man. Hunter has liked Amity since he met her. Eclipse Lake is a very funny rewatch if you focus on how Hunter just seemed to decide that Amity was his new bestie, undeterred by the fact that she was adamantly rejecting it.

I cannot imagine Amity possibly holding the terrible things Hunter did against him. Because Amity understands exactly why he did them more clearly than anyone else could. She understands just how desperate and scared you get when you're under your abusive parent's thumb and the terrible decisions you make as a result. Why would Amity blame him? She's been him.

I DO think that their relationship is initially a little awkward tho. Especially from Hunter's end. While Amity thinks everything's gucci between them, he still feels guilty and embarrassed over what he did to her in Eclipse Lake and assumes she still resents him over it. She doesn't. Like it never even crossed her mind that this would be a thing that he's worried about. She knows he's a lot like her so she tries to look out for him and treat him how she would like to be treated.

That's always been my interpretation of how they both behaved in TTT during the cosplay scene. Amity is a former mean girl. She used to be soooo blunt and judgemental. And you can see her struggling not to give her honest opinion on Hunter's fit. Because Amity doesn't want to be mean. She's nice. She wants to be nice. However....she knows damn well that if that boy steps out in public looking like that, somebody is gonna bully him (because in another universe SHE'D bully him) so she'd prefer to avoid that. So she tells him to change as politely as she can.

Meanwhile, Hunter agrees to change immediately, despite Willow and Gus ADORING his fit, despite HIM adoring his fit, and Willow begging him to keep it on. Hunter listens to Amity over Willow. Think about that for two seconds and wonder why that is.

In my opinion, he's tiptoeing around her. He's trying to keep the peace. He tried to kill her and threatened her girlfriend. He's gonna do whatever the fuck Amity Blight tells him to with a smile on his face. Amity is none the wiser.

However I don't imagine this will last much longer. They're absolutely going to become much more comfortable with each others after the events of the series and won't be nearly as awkward and careful.

Amity and Hunter are both very high strung, opinionated, passionate people. I know that if there was ever a topic they disagreed on, they would go to war over it. I'm talking a full blazing shouting match in Camila's living room. They're besties <3

[elsfairy]

─── DOING SEVIKA'S MAKEUP

• Getting Sevika to agree to something you wanted to do was hard. The only way for her to agree was to do a bet. And the only way to win against a bet was to use her own rules against her.

• You've been wanting to do her makeup for months, yet every time you asked she would simply tell you "No, I don't need that shit, ever"

• The bet? Play cards. The last time you played against her, you failed miserably because you don't play it as she does. She was better than you and everyone else. You were a pro at being a brat, and she was a pro player at cards.

• "I win, I get to do your makeup. You win, you can do whatever you want"

• "Funny if you think I'm going to lose against you, Sweetheart but deal"

• It was funny indeed, seeing her face turn from confusion to anger to then disbelief at the fact you had indeed won against her. No one ever wins against Sevika and you were the first. Honestly thinks you cheated.

• She was pissed that she had forgotten all about the makeup part of this bet, so seeing her looking at you angrily from where she sat on the bed, made you giggle.

• A pure fucking tease whenever you were perched in her lap. Trying to distract you from what you were doing. The woman will grip your hips, and kiss your neck just so she could get out of this.

• You've got a serious habit of telling her everything you're going to use. Of course, she listens, but half the time she doesn't understand the difference between primer and foundation. The woman is still clueless.

• HATES the feeling of foundation on her face. Just seeing the way she scowls made you aware of just how much it bothered her. Always says "it's too heavy"

• Shamelessly gropes your ass when you're focused on whatever product you're putting on her face. She doesn't care, if you're going to do this to her, then she's gonna annoy and tease the hell out of you.

• Sevika let you do her makeup years ago, but at that time she got an allergic reaction to something you had used so you always made sure to use her arm just to do a small test, hoping nothing bad would happen. You weren't ready for her to be mad about it again.

• Purely out of the fact she lost a bet, she will let you manhandle her. If you need to apply something to her eyes, she will not care how you grab at her, she was just silently enjoying it.

• On the outside, she hates when you compliment her, whether that be by calling her beautiful or pretty or just because she simply looks cute in whatever eyeshadow you pick for her.

• Dying on the inside because you're perfect. Loves when you call her pretty girl, secretly shhh.

• No matter how many times she 'lets' you do her makeup, she's always flinching when you put that eyeshadow brush on her lids, no matter what. In fairness, she didn't wear it much.

• "Do you want the dark purple, or uhm a red? I think purple looks better on you, i think it's more your colour"

• "Pick whatever you want, you're the one doing it, Sweetheart. Make me look pretty"

• "You're already pretty, Vika"

• Loves the study your face. She loves to study the way your brows arch when you're practically painting her eyes. Finds it adorable when you start pouting. Shows her you're not satisfied with the color you have chosen. Or you've messed up somewhere.

• Will try to push you off of her when you pull out the mascara. She hates that part the most, more than letting you do her makeup. You've poked her eye multiple times, no wonder she is terrified of that thing. That always makes you laugh, that she's only scared of a mascara wand.

• You always adored her lashes, they weren't really long but they weren't short either, just perfect. So you didn't have to add much because they would look really perfect with just a little dab.

• Put glitter on her eyelids, she's probably ignoring you for hours. She hates glitter. Doesn't mind when you use it, or randomly have it around, but if you get it on her clothes or the floor.... babe is mad. So it's a no go on glitter eyeshadow.

• A little like Sevika when she does your makeup, you like to take your time. So you're always finding yourself admiring her closely, wondering if you could change something or change the shadow colour.

• Plastering kisses all over her face, telling her you were thankful she didn't move around when you were applying the mascara and eyeshadow. She was ruthless when injured jesus.

• Gods, when it came to lipstick choices you were clueless. She would look good in any colour, but you wanted it to be perfect. You wanted to do this for her so you would panic.

• "Hey, breath. Calm down, it's alright, take your time"

• Dark red. Personally, she loved red on you, but whenever you would kiss her and it left a tint to her lips, you always wanted to put her in red lipstick.

• Won't tell you, but it was her favourite part. How you would gently tilt her head back, chin to the ceiling so you could easily apply the shade to her lips, slowly.

• Ruins it the first time because she can't help but kiss you.

• Scolding her to control her hormones until after you're done with her makeup, She can't just be kissing you and ruining your hard work. If she pouts, yes she a pouter then you'll give her a small kiss on her nose.

• "As much as i loved to win against you, for once. I think you look beautiful with or without makeup"

• Shamelessly gawking at herself in the mirror when you're finished even though she said she hates makeup. Tsk, liar.

• Decides then that she doesn't mind dark red lipstick.

• "It's perfect because you did it, Sweetheart"

─── BONUS

"Sevika, i fucking told you not to move!" You scoff, placing the makeup bag onto the floor beside her legs, quickly cupping her face. "You fucking stabbed me in the eye! again!" She grumbles, rubbing harshly at her eye with her hand, instantly ruining all your hard work. "We are never doing this again, ever. I don't care how many times i lose, you're never going near my eyes again" "Im sorry, you big baby" You pout, placing a gentle kiss to her eye. (LMFAO had to add this, happens too much)