#floyd's suffering is immense

[ungodlybliss]

panel redraw wee woo

[mochinomnoms]

What do you think would happen if Floyd were to meet Riddle's mother?! Cuz I just read your Mama/Papa leech Headcanons about meeting their sons crush. But what if it’s reversed? Riddle's mother Meeting Floyd? (I would also say Yuu's parents meeting Jade, but unfortunately, that won't be happening)

“Wow, I thought Lil Goldfishie was a stick in the mud, his mama has a whole branch up her—” *gets kicked in the groin*

I have very mixed feelings about Riddle's mother, in that with the context we have right now she's a bitch and if I ever see her it's on motherfucking sight. But she must love her son still, right? Is she harsh because he wants to set Riddle up for success, but only knows the way she was raised? Is she scared of her kid getting hurt or failing, and so she tries to shield him from all possible harm? Is she so hyperaware of all the dangers in society that she feels the need to keep him in a little bubble, knowing in the back of her mind that making mistakes and getting hurt is part of growing up? A good mother would never want to see their child ever get hurt if it were up to them. I mean, she must care for him in some way, but how? In the manga or novel (not sure which) they mention that she fought back against the school to keep him in, but was that because she wanted him to have the prestige of NRC in his background or because she wants what's best for him? She homeschooled him herself to the point that he's an immensely powerful mage already as a teen, so she could've hypothetically kept doing the same thing, right? Is she a mother that truly cares for her son but suffered the same childhood, but she “turned out fine” so it must be fine? Or is she just a bitch, lol. Either way, she is emotionally and affectionately neglectful and doesn't realize it at best, and emotionally and psychologically abusive at worst.

I have a lot to say on the topic of Mrs. Rosehearts, about her parenting, the cultural differences of child-rearing that EN players and JP players might have. This post talks about it in depth, but I can say more on the topic later.

In regards to Floyd meeting Mrs. Rosehearts, probably against Riddle's wishes or while he's distracted, the poor guy is set up for disappointment. While it's implied that Mama Leech is overprotective and that she calls very often, if not daily, to check in on her sons, they still had enough freedom growing up to get into shenanigans and hijinks. I mean, they beat up a sturgeon and took some of its scales to fashion into earrings like a trophy. And they both speak very fondly of her, so Floyd is going into meeting Mrs. Rosehearts with the expectation that she might be a bit stuffy. But, she raised Riddle, his crush and favorite human! He's strict and mean at times, but he cares a lot for his dorm and is super diligent, she must be like that too!

But she's so…critical. She looks at him unamused, very standoffish, but is polite. He guesses. He can see where Riddle got his strictness from.

“Hello. Who might you be?” She probably didn't expect to have some random student, not even from her son's dorm, come up to her. He was...tall. Towered over her, and based on the color of his hair and sharp teeth, most likely wasn't human.

“Huh, you're not as red as my Lil Goldfishie is.”

She blinked and frowned, resisting the urge to chastise the strange fellow for his informal tone and rube behavior. Not her son, not her problem.

“Pardon? Do you often speak to your elders like this?” she asked, eyeing him as she turned away to watch her son give orders to his dorm as they managed an informational booth.

“Yeah, why not? They're just people. Not like I'm being rude or anything” She would strongly disagree. “You're kinda prickly, like a lionfish.”

“W-what?” She changed her mind, someone needs to put him in her place. “Now listen here, young man, it's quite rude to call people anything other than their na—”

“They're real mean, ya know. Venomous, a nuisance, can't even mess with it cause it has a bunch of spines—oh! Imma call you Mama Lionfish.” The young man snapped his left fingers like he made a revelation.

Mrs. Rosehearts had learned to control her temper, but she still had her moments, Her face been bright red, her lips thinned, and she opened her mouth to start berating the young man.

“Floyd Leech! What did I tell you about calling people names?” A tall, slender women came up to them, pale skin and hair hue similar to the man in front of her. She wore a cream-colored dress and matching blazer, adorned with gold and pearls, and a matching wide brimmed hat. She was followed by Riddle, who looked a mix of anger and concern.

“Never do it in front of people, yeah, yeah.” The man named Floyd pouted, but brightened at the sight of Riddle. “Oh hey Lil Goldfishie! What's uuuup?”

Floyd jogged over to Riddle, halting him midstep as Mrs. Rosehearts noticed Riddle almost bristle, trying to sidestep and get around Floyd. He was failing.

“I apologize, you know how boys can be!” The woman in front of her also towered over her, though not nearly as much as her son did. “My Floyd doesn't mean anything by it, he just a silly boy.”

The blue haired woman laughed, then abruptly stopped, narrowing her golden gaze as she thinly smiled.

“You're the man's mother, I assume.” Mrs. Rosehearts replied, smoothing out her skirt and clutching her hands together. “He's very...spirited. He's from the Leech family? Is it safe to assume that your the Leech family matriarch?”

The other woman's sharp toothed smile grew as she nodded. “Yes. It's not often that I come to the surface. But it's wonderful to know that I'm as—oh—well-known, on the surface, as under the sea.”

Mrs. Rosehearts wouldn't use the word 'well-known' as much as she would infamous.

“Yes, well. I would just remind your son to not so blatantly call people names to their faces.” she said, clenching and unclenching her fist in an attempt to sooth herself. “I'm not sure what your customs are under the sea, but up here he would be considered a riffraff.”

For all her talk about politeness, Mrs. Rosehearts forgot herself at time and let things slip out of her mouth faster than she processed. She knew she pressed a button when Mrs. Leech's smile disappeared.

It was only for a moment, but with the blank face and the way her gold eyes bore into her, it felt like her body and soul were being grasped by something dark and violent.

Then that feeling was gone as Mrs. Leech smiled again and closed her eyes, tilting her head.

“He'll be fine, I'm sure he'll find his people. After all, it seems he's already found someone in your son.”

Both women moved their gazes to the pair, now bickering. Well, Riddle was, the one called Floyd, was just swaying on his heels as he grinned and make a comment here and there. Each one after the other seemed to fluster her son further, his cheeks growing in color as they spoke. Most people who knew her son would assume that the red was attributed to his rage, and it mostly was. But (fortunately or unfortunately, she couldn't decide) her son was much like her. It wasn't rage that made his eyes dart away each time their eyes met for too long. It wasn't rage that made him scuff his foot every so often. And it most certainly wasn't rage in his eyes.

Mrs. Rosehearts cleared her throat, turning away from Mrs. Leech and walking to her son.

“I don't know what you're implying, but I must be going now. My son and I still need to tour his dorm.”

Mrs. Leech watched the other woman walk away, sighing.

“Oh, what a disdainful woman. And her son is so lovely too…she really is like a lionfish.”

“Yeah, it's a good nickname for her, right Mama?” Floyd came bounding over, stretching his arms. “Is' too bad she's a stuck-up, gonna real annoying if she's my mother-in-law.”

“Hm, I'll just have to overcompensate then and be the best Mama for you and the little Riddle!” Mama Leech clapped her hands excitedly, sighing in bliss at the thought.

“Oh, it will be so wonderful to see the family grow big...oh! By the way, Floyd.” Mama Leech walked away, Floyd following after diligently. “I might have mentioned a little 'something' to him about your cute rambles about him. He was so cute, all red and flushed when I said you're positively infatuated, calling him cute and—”

“Aw what! Mama!”

[merakiui]

Y-yandere tsum tsums..? /j

I am so relieved to know someone else is on the same brain cell as me because this was my first thought when I saw the tsums with the characters LOL;;;;;; just the idea that the tsums have more rizz than the students because they're cute and can get away with anything because they're just having harmless fun. Floyd's tsum could shove itself into your chest or crotch and, though it's very embarrassing, you'll laugh it off because the tsum is just being silly and exploring, albeit exploring in very awkward places. Floyd is going to tear his tsum apart for being so bold and skipping bases he hasn't even arrived at yet.

Or Riddle's tsum making itself oh-so-comfortable in your laundry, specifically amidst your undergarments. Riddle is beyond infuriated and flustered when he learns of what his tsum has done. He apologizes so stiffly to you, all while strictly admonishing his tsum in the same breath. Of course this indecent behavior will not be tolerated and must be swiftly reprimanded! But it would be nice if his tsum happened to snatch a pair of your underwear for reasons that will remain undisclosed.

Or Leona's tsum watching you bathe, sitting so comfortably on the edge of the bath, admiring your figure. You let it do this because it's just so cute and there's no way such a cute thing would have any ulterior motives. Leona's tsum is bold, so Leona can't exactly fault it because he'd do the same thing if he was in the tsum's place. Or the tsum sleeping alongside you, curling up on your pillow or in your arms and resting so soundly. It glares so viciously when Ruggie tries to collect it the next morning on account of Leona's orders to retrieve it. To think it would gravitate to someone besides Leona...

Or perhaps Jack's tsum actually plays the role of a helpful wingman and tries to set you and Jack up together. Maybe it knows Jack likes you so much, so it attempts to get closer to you to prompt Jack to muster the courage to tell you of his feelings. Of course when the tsum goes about it in very roundabout ways (i.e. following you everywhere to the point where it's invasive and embarrassing), Jack's going to mistake its intentions... ^^;;

Or Cater's tsum getting you to pose in very,,,, compromising ways so it can take good pictures. You might think it's weird, but the tsum is bouncing up and down and it appears so happy. Naturally, you just want to ensure it remains pleased so it isn't compelled to misbehave. Cater never thought he could be jealous of a plushie, yet here he is, gripping his phone in an iron-tight fist and smiling so forcibly while his tsum is so obviously flirting with you.

Or Epel's tsum essentially making Epel become immensely clumsy for the day. He's always chasing after his tsum, only to run into you every time and end up in very awkward positions. His tsum trips him and he falls right into you, or the tsum trips you and you fall on top of him. The tsum probably knocks into Epel's head so the two of you kiss by complete accident. It's a very troublesome tsum, but Epel isn't going to complain. As annoying as it is chasing the tsum around campus, it's allowed him to fall into your chest, to kiss you, to feel you up under the guise of making sure you're okay... :)

Or Sebek's tsum taking the opportunity to be held by you. It looks so happy in your arms. Sebek is distraught. How dare his tsum act so unbecoming and bothersome towards someone he admires! More importantly, how come he isn't the one being held? :( Sebek's tsum loves to follow you around just as much as it enjoys trailing after Malleus. The tsum will even want to follow you all the way to your bedroom, at which Sebek sharply draws the line. If he can't reach that place with you yet, then his tsum certainly won't! >:(

All of the tsums definitely get lots of kisses from you because they're too adorable. You'll fawn over them. Meanwhile, the students are suffering because they want to be kissed and hugged, too. T_T

[risu5waffles]

the Streaming Pile

Working on a new project to keep me busy for, honestly, probably a decent while. Had that idea of chopping the level play out of the old streams, and publishing those as individual videos. Went pretty quick from "oh, that might be fun" to "well, now i'm tits deep in this fucker, so i guess we'll have to see it through."

Big thanks to @soupum , by the by. They pointed me in the direction of some programs i'd need, and tutorialed me through them, and that's been such a massive help. While it's certainly possible i'd have gotten where i needed on my own, having a kind hand to guide me has reduced the stress, as well as the pre-production time, immensely.

Here's a little level info card Soup helped me make. i really like it. Thinking of making a couple so i can switch them up, but that might take a minute. Time and energy are, as always, at a premium.

It's been a trip going through this first VoD (from way back on July 14th, 2019!). As much as, or honestly more than, a level archive (which this series will likely succeed in only tangentially and through situational necessity alone), these videos stand pretty solidly as a document of my personal growth, and the growth of my community (as people growing, that is. our numbers and membership have always been pretty stable), over these last five years.

As told through the medium of playing LBP community levels.

Often quite badly.

Or certainly wivout enough sleep.

So, it's neat, but also kinda frustrating? There's the voice thing, but at least i've gotten used to it quickly enough. But also, just, like, we didn't have an offical ableism policy until 2021, yeah? And while we weren't, you know, arguing for eugenics, or dunking on people wiv disabilities, there's still a lot of language that i'm not super happy hearing coming out of my mouth.

The double-punch of covid (and gov't's/society's response to same), and the George Floyd murder (and the police's response to same) really rocket-sledded my positions from unconsidered, soft-squishy lefty-lib to "the only reason i'm not advocating immediate widespread arson is because if things aren't dismantled right, people who are suffering now are just going to be suffering more, but really nationstates and the global north need to not be a thing and soon."

Which means, at least pre-2020, there's a decent chance i'll stumble across myself saying something along the lines of "well, sure, the police are shite, but they're kind of necessary, and surely some reform would help the issue."

i am already preparing the cringe-unto-death as we speak.

Anyways, that's the new big thing. i don't know how many videos we'll get out of this. i know at some point we started splitting streams between create mode and level play, and there are gaps from when my laptop was busted and i had no way to upload VoDs to YouTube. On the other hand, i pulled 23 usable clips from just the first VoD, so... wiv one-a-day publishing that'll keep something on the channel for a pretty good while to come. And that's nice. i've really missed doing this kind of stuff.

[the-trinket-witch]

Fly-Fishing Bodytype Headcanons

Inspired by @comingyourlugubriousness 's post

(Cw: disordered eating/body dismorphia/body disphoria)

Azul Ashengrotto

🐙 Years of self-image issues has left him, ironically for an octopus, rather bony.

🐙 Despite this, he still maintains that Octopod Strength Floyd alludes to during Beans Day. Most of it is in grip-strength, but there have been occasions where he has been caught moving furniture in the Lounge that someone 'of his size' shouldn't be able to move.

🐙 His human form, like all merfolk who have dual-residence on land, maintain some slight mer traits. Those being:

Color pointing on ears, sometimes limbs

Unconventional ear shapes

No mammalian 'traits' (teats/bellybutton)

Non-typical pupil shapes

'Birthmarks' in place where gills typically are.

Teeth (Azul having beak plates that resemble human teeth. Please don't stare.)

Sensitivity along where gills usually are, as well as legs in general.

🐙 He sometimes has to rely on his cane/magical focus on days the barometric pressure fucks with his joints. Most merfolk experience leg/hip pain when first coming on land, sometimes it lingers no matter how long they stay up here.

🐙 His poor vision and super-tasting are possibly connected as a side-effect of the Human Potion. As octopi can taste/sense with their tentacles, eyesight is not as much a priority, and glasses can make up for it, so all the extra sensitivity goes to that purple tongue of his.

🐙 The Human Potion locks the chromatophores in his skin to a particular shade, so when it begins to wear off/come time to take more, his skin will shift in color based on strong emotions (bright red=angry, dull gray=sad, purple=blushing, etc.)

Floyd Leech

🦈 (A lot of the size/shape difference I'm leaning into is def inspired by Julymarte's post)

🦈 both he and Jade have a set of pharyngeal jaws.

🦈 in lieu of glasses, he wears contacts (morays have shit for eyesight)

🦈 has a small pack of colors of insta-dry nail polish. It gives him something to pick at during the day but it looks nice first thing in the morning?

🦈 speaking of nails, he has to square off his nails, well, Claws on the reg because they want to grow out and point. It's gotten somebody slashed in the past because he's so handsy.

🦈 Coupled with his theorized growth spurt, his mer-to-man transition leaves him with achy muscles some days. Stretching seems to help a bit.

Jade Leech

🐬 Along with the above's differences, his hair has a finer texture compared to Floyd's courser hair.

🐬 Has some DAMN FINE calves from all the hiking. Hiking has also given him scary good grip strength. Moreso than Floyd 👀

🐬 Alternates between Contacts and glasses. Glasses are more reserved for 'after hours/weekends'.

🐬 Ties his work/school shoes really tight, and has debated about whether to also start wearing hiking boots like Rook, but it ruins the ✨Aesthetic✨

Albert Eastwind

🌂 2 yrs on T, (trans masc)

🌂 was already somewhat tall for his age, but is probably done growing at 5'9"

🌂 Being on T has caused a bit of weight gain, but he's curbed it with weightlifting. Most of his strength now is in his arms/shoulders

🌂 Has maintained quite a bit of dexterity from early years of gymnastics. He sometimes uses the (unoccupied) graves behind Pentergeist to practice vaulting.

🌂 Sometimes gets anxiety shivers, but doesn't know that's what it is.

🌂 From The Crash, his shoulder had been dislocated by the seat belt, and now his right shoulder clicks at certain angles. He has told nobody.

🌂 Has not been to physical therapy after, so he gets immense relief in his back from Floyd's 'squeezings'.

🌂 Stated above, he gets awful sleep, which is why he wakes up before anyone else. Suffers from nightmares every night to the point he's developed hypnophobia-extending to almost all forms of being unconscious.

[squishosaur]

I HAVE QUESTIONS !!!! i can assume some of the kids' parents but others i am kinda ??? on. so if you would.... pls tell me their parents.....

also! is silver childless like malleus? or nah? and please tell me thought process behind their names!!!! im so interested in the little kids

YES!!! OKAY!!! UMMM. silver has no kids of his own but i think both he and neige would be really good with kids & would foster them (not together ahdksndndn) but i do not have one fleshed out for him!! i Just made a post with their parents (+ the two i forgot on my original chart) here!! but here is a list again but in text form so it is easier to read + their name origins:

Samia Ashengrotto — daughter of Azul and Jamil, her name means exhalted and is related to Azul's whole "we'll rule the world together" thing lol

Meridian Clover — (eldest) daughter of Trey and Jade, her name came from me wanting to reuse one of my old favorite ocs somehow and also is related to the prime meridian and the ocean.

Angelo Clover — (youngest) son of Trey and Jade, his name comes from angelfish.

Chichima Rosa Bucchi — daughter of Riddle and Ruggie, her name means sweet/precious AND I REALLY WANTED TO NAME HER chi–something. so. lol

Icarus/Polly Shroud — son of Cater and Idia (he goes by Polly as a streamer/musician online) — THE SON OF A GENUIS INVENTOR WHO KILLED A FAMILY MEMBER AND SUFFERED IMMENSELY FOR IT??? i HAD TO... their online name is Apollo because like. he can never be the sun but he wants to touch it... do you get it. PLEASE.

Elio (E‐L10) Shroud — child of Ortho (in a sense that they are an android built by him); their name also has sun motifs like Icarus.

Sahil "Sal" al Asim — (eldest) son of Kalim (I DON'T SEE HIM GETTING TOGETHER WITH ANYONE BUT I SEE HIM AS A FAMILY MAN. I am debating making his other parent Floyd because I like flokali but idk), Sahil's name comes from like. Relating to large bodies of water/the ocean and stuff.

Zahara Kingscholar — daughter of Leona, her name means brilliant because she is idk.

Marie Flamme — daughter of Rollo and Rielle, her name literally just comes from the Aristocats and like. yeahhhh. she's French lol

Anja Felmier-Zigvolt — daughter of Epel and Sebek, her name is just a Scandanavian version of Anna because I wanted to showcase Epel's heritage. I was going to name her after Epel's meemaw but refrained.

Eury "Joker" Howl — child of Ace, Deuce, and Jack; Eury's name comes from Euchre the card game using jokers, hence his nickname— it's because Ace/Deuce/Jack have card names that's all. But I thought I was being smart.

Celeste Schoenheit — daughter of Rook and Vil, Celeste and Soleil are twins so they have sun/moon related names. She's the moon.

Soleil Schoenheit — son or Rook and Vil (twins with Celeste, neither is much older); see Celeste's name thing, he's the sun.

Parthiv Khan — son of two of my ocs based on characters from the jungle book, Khan from Shere Khan because I am basic lol.

[thenuitinthenorthernlights]

Character Information #2

Cristal, the broken butterfly

❝No matter what, humans are enemies, not friends.❞

A boy who doesn't know happiness doesn't have any feelings other than anger. He never smiles, he is always angry and acts so impulsive. Such a being should have entered overblot a long time ago, right?…

❄ — 【 GENERAL INFORMATION 】

Twisted from: TinkerBell

Full name: Cristal D'eau

Japanese: クリスタル・ドー

Romaji: Kurisutaru dō

Meanings: water crystal

Other names: Roi de glase (Rook), Kōrinouo (Floyd), Brother (Brouillard)

Seiyuu: Arthur Lounsbery

❄ — 【 BIOLOGICAL INFORMATION 】

Gender: Male

Species: winter fairy

Birthday: ???

Age: ???

Height: 1.70cm/5'7

Hair color: pure black

Eye color: pure black

❄ — 【 PROFESSIONAL INFORMATION 】

Origin: Valley of Thorns

Family: Brouillard (little sister)

Occupation: none.

❄ — 【 VARIOUS INFORMATION 】

Dominant hand: right

favorite food: ice cream rolls

least favorite food: cookies

favorite color: ice blue

talents: immense strength, acute hearing

likes: none in particular

dislikes: The humans, SEBEK

❄ — 【 UNIQUE MAGIC: be my puppet 】

He has the ability to create bodies out of ice and give them life and a personality, he can also copy the appearance and a part of his person to any subject, however they can suffer little motor movements. For as long as he wants.

This can weaken you and leave symbols on your body.

[wartakes]

Some thoughts for today, May 25th, 2022 (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was originally posted on May 25th, 2022 (duh).

This was one of those ones I really struggled on a topic for, so I decided to reflect on the George Floyd uprisings and the state of things in the country through my personal and professional lens.

(Full essay below the cut)

Not gonna lie to you folks, I was really struggling with this one.

I truly had no idea what I was going to write about for this month’s essay – and I’ve been trying to think of a topic since the beginning of the month and been coming up short. Doesn’t help that I’ve been in a bit of a slump. As a warning up front: this may end up being one of my more emotional and wandering pieces, in addition to being less analytically rigorous than they usually are – but I still thought this one was worth writing and sharing with you all today.

I knew I wanted to write about something other than Ukraine. While that war is still very much active and very important, it’s entered a phase where the shift in the frontlines and fortunes of war are simultaneously relatively contained but constantly shifting day to day (I may do a check-in on where things are at in a future piece). I also knew I didn’t feel like doing a new entry in my “What Should it Look Like?” series right at this moment. In general, I’ve been in somewhat of a low ebb with my personal and creative endeavors the last few weeks, due to a variety of reasons – both in my personal life in events at the local, national, and international level. I’ve just felt drained and frustrated – as many of us have, I know.

It was when I was pacing the room trying to think of something that I really felt motivated to write about, it occurred to me that I was thinking about this all right around an important anniversary. If my timing works out, this essay should be released on May 25th: the day on which George Floyd – an unarmed black man – murdered by Minneapolis Police officers in 2020, kicking off a nation-wide uprising against police violence and impunity. Its also happening close to Memorial Day, and though the reflections I’m offering here aren’t exactly what Memorial Day was intended for, I think they still seem to fit the overall spirit of the idea.

Aside from the obvious reason why George Floyd’s murder and what followed matters to many people, it matters to me because that act and the response to it by so many people in the United States, and the response of the police and the state to them in turn, was what finally opened my eyes to what the country I lived in was really like. It made me come to terms with both that, and my true ideological tilt. It finally forced me to look at things in a new way after years of internal doubts about what I had thought I’d believed up until that point. It compelled me to question all my pre-existing beliefs, discard many, modify others, and double down on some. It was a personal watershed for me, much like it was a national one.

Two years after George Floyd’s death and the uprising that followed, we’ve experienced a LOT more history. The continuing COVID-19 pandemic (and our government’s – and other’s – failure to react to it), the 2020 election’s drama and the January 6th insurrection, systemic efforts to attack trans people, more and more mass shootings, consistently rising inflation and economic strife, and now the looming specter of Roe v. Wade being overturned and millions of women across the country losing their reproductive rights – and those are just all the events going on here in the United States. We’ve also witnessed America’s twenty-year war in Afghanistan end in failure, with the Afghan people themselves suffering immensely on top of all the other suffering they’ve already experienced. We saw Israel’s most recent major attempt to cull the Palestinian population in the Gaza Strip. Now, we see Russia’s blatant attempts at imperialism in Ukraine flounder – killing and maiming thousands even as its campaign falters.

Obviously, the aforementioned list of events is not all-inclusive – either nationally or internationally – but you get the idea and I don’t want to drown you in even more sorrow. We’ve all been through a great deal the last couple years. It was with that in mind as I sat here with that anniversary approaching, with May 2022 alone being packed with soul crushing news – let alone the rest of the past two years: how do I feel? Two years on from “coming out of the closet” with my ideological beliefs, how do I feel about those beliefs, about the state of my country, about the state of the world, about the future, and more? Do I feel better about everything? Worse? So-so?

This may seem like something of a cop out, but compared to two years ago, I feel simultaneously better and worse about the future. On one hand, I feel more apprehensive about the immediate future and the challenges and horrors it has in store. Yet, when it comes to looking at things in the long run, I still maintain hope. Admittedly, part of this hope is fueled just by wanting to spite doomers and doomerism in general because I absolutely despise that outlook, but I do have some genuine reasons to be hopeful in the long run and I will be sharing those momentarily.

To be brutally honest, in the short term: I’m worried and discouraged. I see forces of reaction continuing to amass power in the United States while the supposed official opposition seems content to wring their hands, clutch their pearls and cry about “the rules” while the right-wing death cult is more than happy to circumvent said rules or outright break them without a second though or suffering consequences. Overseas, I’m also pessimistic. For example: while Ukrainians hold the line in their own country, I feel that Russia’s actions there may create far-reaching shockwaves that will cause additional crisis and conflict in their wake. Even as Russia’s efforts falter, I worry Putin’s invasion of Ukraine may potentially only be the first of a new wave of revanchism and attempts at conquest in the years to come, with existing conflicts still raging on in the background as well.

This is part of why I was struggling to write an essay this month – and also struggling with some of my other creative endeavors as well. It’s simply been hard to imagine a better world, when we’re living in an era of constant crisis, crumbling, and collapse. I frame many of these essays from the perspective of a United States – combined with other allies and partners – that have a more positive, constructive ideological bent. In the past few weeks, between all the events happening here in the United States alone, it’s been very hard to envision a better country, let alone a better world. It’s been next to impossible to contemplate that possibility lately.

But, again, I haven’t given up. As much as I’ve felt my soul has been trodden on in the past weeks, months, and years, I’ve still seen things that give me hope. That despite that constant feeling that we’re being pulverized into dust, people continue to fight for their most basic rights. Workers continuing to fight for their labor rights against mega corporations like Amazon and Starbucks – and winning crucial victories. More Progressive and Leftist voices gaining ground against the moribund establishment. Overseas, we see people fighting for themselves and their neighbors both against fascist invaders in the case of Ukraine, but also against fascist forces that have usurped power in Burma. While it doesn’t mean we can sit on our laurels, seeing these pockets of resistance and hope give us a reason to keep fighting ourselves.

In some of my darker moments over the past few years, I’ve openly wished I still had political blinders on, or that I could put them back on. That I was still ensconced in a snug, warm social liberal cocoon, inside of which I would maintain my blind faith that the system as it was would eventually right itself and everything would go “back to normal” and we’d all live happily ever after. A world that works just like it does on the West Wing or in Marvel movies (oh God, that made me think of an Aaron Sorkin Marvel movie and that is truly a cursed thought. Jesus).

But that’s impossible. Even if I really truly wanted to go back to living a lie (and I don’t think I do), Pandora’s Box has been opened in my brain and the brain of many others. I’ve been cursed with knowledge and now I must live with it; there’s no putting it back where it came from. But more importantly, that wouldn’t solve or help anything. Reverting back to my previous stage of delusion and denial as fascists continue to consolidate power both at home and abroad would be about as useful as being a doomer and just accepting that everything is written in stone and there is nothing we can do to stop it. So, much like with doomerism, even if I could wipe my brain clean and go back to my previous ignorance, I refuse to do so if only on principal.

The drawback to the world not being set in stone as doomers try to convince it is, is that we can never really know where its headed or what may happen next. We can make educated guesses, and sometimes we may even be right (even when we’d rather be wrong), but the only thing we can be sure of is that nothing is sure. This reality comes with its benefits and drawbacks: it is liberating that history is not actually written in stone because it means we still have the means to influence it and try and make a better world for ourselves, but also terrifying in that this means things could get even worse than they might already be if it was written in stone.

Being stuck in this tenuous position is also an exhausting one, physically and mentally. We are constantly trying to maintain that hope for the future and take inspiration and solace from the victories we do achieve, all while remaining on guard for the next bullshit that may come our way. All of this, of course, occurs as we’ve being battered (sometimes quite literally) by whatever bullshit has been dumped on us this particular day. I’ve seen friends and loved ones struggle to keep their heads above the proverbial water while dealing with life under these circumstances. I’ve struggled myself. We all have to various degrees and we all will continue to.

But (to bring you up from that previous, dour note), even as we struggle, we’re still here. We are still here, and we are still fighting, and so are billions of others across the world. One major thing that gives me hope is despite being worn down, despite being tired, anxious, and depressed on many days, I still feel a fire in my belly. I still feel anger: anger that it has to be this way. Anger that so many people I care about, that so many people in general, have to struggle just to exist in this day and age. I still feel anger at the inaction the powers that be exhibit in dealing with these issues, or anger at them actively working to prevent any change for the better. Despite everything, I still feel a drive to do something. I still want things to be different. That hasn’t been crushed out of me yet, nor has it been crushed out of others, and that gives me hope. The fact that despite being given so many reasons to, we all haven’t given up, gives me renewed hope.

We’re only just approaching the half-way point in 2022 and I feel we’re going to have a lot more bullshit to deal with here and abroad. I don’t have any specific or particular advice to give you on how to deal with everything going on (I wish I did), but I do have some general advice that I hope does something. First, make sure you’re taking care of yourself and those you immediately depend on. Do what you have to in order to make sure you’re as safe and secure as possible in regards to your basic needs and safety. Obviously, you absolutely should help your broader community as you’re able to do so, but make sure that you take care of yourself and keep on existing. Do that because A.) your life matters and you matter to people; and B.) because you’re no good to others who depend on you otherwise. This includes taking occasional breaks to “unplug” from the news and current events (something I’m trying to be better at). Obviously, you shouldn’t completely disconnect and go into grillpilled mode, but know when you need to log off for a bit and just not think about the world for a while and do it when necessary.

Second piece of broad advice: just do what you can, with the understanding that it may not always be a lot but that it still contributes in some fashion. Whether its dealing with the threat of Roe v. Wade being overturned here at home, or its Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, it’s hard to imagine what we can do to affect these things. There are things we can do, however small they might be, to help in some way. Do what you can to help but try not to beat yourself up over not being able to do more. Take a realistic view of your role in current events. Don’t let yourself succumb to despair thinking that there’s nothing you can do. If anything, harness any feelings of impotent rage to motivate yourself to do the things are you able of, and when you feel frustrated that there’s not more you can do, remember that we’re all in this for the long haul and that another chance will come for you to act. This will be a long war with many battles.

Alright, I think I’ve rambled about enough. I promise for the next essay I’ll try to do something that’s closer to my usual bread and butter of analysis on IR and war, but this was just something I felt compelled to write and get off my chest (especially as I was struggling for motivation on any other ideas currently). I hope maybe these thoughts and reflections are of some use to anyone who reads them. The last few years have been rough, but in a lot of ways I’m also very proud of myself and others for how we’ve dealt with it and that too gives me hope for the future. With that, before I talk too much more and find a reason to be a downer, I will leave you for now. Stay safe and stay motivated. One day, someday, we will make things better. I haven’t given up on that dream yet and I really hope you haven’t either.

[oxenfreewest]

For a lack of better words

An Azul Ashengrotto fanfiction.

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Hi. This fanfiction deals directly with eating disorders in immense detail. I implore you to please not read this if you are actively dealing with an eating disorder, are recovering from one, or are prone to earing disorders. This story deals with restrictive habits as well as bulimic habits as well.(binging and purging)

I am someone who has been suffering from an active eating disorder for the past five years, and took details from my own experiences for this story, because i see a lot of myself in azul and his backstory. Not every eating disorder the same, but this is just one example of how terrifying they can be. 

I want every reader to know that they are perfect. That even if they dont have the body they want or think theyre supposed to have, they deserve love. 

This is no way to live. 

Once again, please do not read this if these are sensitive topics for you. 

Thanks for reading!

Azul Ashengrotto simply did not have the time.

His mind was occupied with frenzied thoughts about school and the lounge and the things he had yet to do or deal with, so azul was completely sewn up. At the moment, he was at his desk in his dorm room dealing with some mostro lounge budget details. It had seen a recent uptick in visitors, which meant that they had some wiggle room to add new menu items. A bead of sweat formed on azuls brow as he looked over the proposed items, his heart skipping a beat. Sometimes, azul felt anxious when making decisions about food, even when they didnt directly affect him. Should he choose the safe option and risk people not liking it? Or pick the more popular option and encourage the unhealthy eating habits of others? 

Well, why did it even matter to him? He would never be the one to eat these things. Best to go with the more popular option. 

Afterwards, it was time for azuls daily fitness tasts. Azul didnt want to build big muscles and become bulky, so his fitness routine consisted of moderate exercises and stretches to keep himself lean and burn calories efficiently. Today he was going on a jog around the campus with deuce, who had put out a flyer for running buddies. Azul had only taken up the offer to have some sort of company while he did his jogging because neither floyd nor jade showed any interest, and he often felt lonely when he was left with his individual thoughts.

He met deuce on the lawn of the recreation field, where he was doing some mild stretches. 

'Im here for our jogging session, are you ready to go?' Azul did some upper body twists and casually looked upon deuce as if it were no big sweat if deuce were ready or not. 

Deuce stood up from his front bend and gave a crooked smile. 'Uhm yeah, im good. Are uou not going to stretch?' 

Azul shook his head. "I walked all the way here, i figure that is plenty stretching. Well, shall we?"

Deuce shrugged, but they took their places and began their moderately paced run around the field. 

 Heres a question for those who are engaged, what happens when you put an asthmatic merman on a jogging course? The worst possible thing. Azul knew that he was asthmatic and knew that he had trouble performing high octane cardio workouts, but he felt troubled. He had a particularly large and guiltful meal last night, and today he was determined to make up for his wrongdoings. So what if he was wheezing and huffing and puffing, he needed to work himself to the bone to make up for his mistakes. He could not afford to slip.

So he continued to jog, which turned into a run, which turned into black spots in his vision, and him opening his eyes go see deuces face hovering over him, eyes as wide as saucers. 

"azul! Youre awake!" He was holding a bottle of water, and thats when azul noticed his face was damp. He sat up quickly, causing an electric buzz rushing up to his head, forcing him to clutch his forehead with his hand. He let out a pained hiss and clenched his eyes shut.

deuce place a hand on his shoulder and leaned over to see his face. "Hey, are you okay? Did you eat anything today?" 

he asked this with a lilt of concern to his voice, and azul snapped his neck to look at him "no, but it should be fine considering how much i ate yesterday, i dont need to eat." He retirted, pointed and prickly in delivery. Deuce winced and laughed neevously "uhm...azul, that was yesterday, this is today. You need to eat every day dude..." 

azul looked away and brought himself to his feet, wobbling a but before he regained his balance. He brushed himself off and sighed. "I should be fine, i just need to get some water." 

deuce still looked concerned,moving forward to say something, but ultimately deciding not to. "Right, well, take care of yourself okay? Im going to finish my run off. Take care." He moved away to start his run up again and azul watched as he did. 

how could he be so weak? To let a little lack of food get to him? He knew there were plenty fat stores in his body to provide him energy, so the fact that he had passed out was not only shameful but also embarrassing. 

well, it was fine, he had somewhere to be anyways.

the only reason he engaged himself in any school activities was for his own benefit, but not in a self growth sort of way, moreso in a profit growth sort of way. For this reason, tonight he was attending the nrc bakesale and crafts fair. He found it quite juvenile of an idea, but he aaw it as an opportunity to broaden his understanding of the student body so that he could better cater to them and draw them into his own business. He decided he would be casual, to give off a friendly air. He was still wearing the best clothes he could manage while staying casual though. A light purple button down and dark wash jeans with a belt.

the event was being held in the cafeteria as it was one of the bigger spaces to set up tables in, with a few tables spilling out to the hallways. As azul approached the event, he felt his chest tighten. Why was he anxious? Because there would be food and baked goods? All he had to do was say no and turn down everything given to him. It was simple, in theory.

he entered the cafeteria and was immediately approached by jade, floyd was elsewhere at this particular moment. Probably eating his way through the baked goods. He waved calmly at azul and gave him a nod "hello Azul, how are you doing?" Azul waved casually and straightened his back. "Im alright. Have you had a look around yet? Anything noteworthy?" Jade nodded and looked over his shoulder. "Theres a few students who are pretty good with their hands, both in craftsmanship and in producing baked goods. Wanna look around?" 

azul nodded and followed behind jade as he took him around to some tables. The first few tables were full of all of the brilliant crafts and wares that the nrc students occupied their free time with perfecting. Clay pieces, wirework and metalsmithing, as well as some pieces of exemplary botany work. Azul took the homemade business cards of a few of the students he saw the most potential in, handing them his as a sign that he saw that potential. 

the next row over was full of much the same brilliant handiwork, but the tables were lines instead with baked goods and other homemade foods. Azul felt his skin prickle as he tried to avoid eye contact with any of the goods directly.

The one thing that made azul feel out of control in this world, was food. And seeing it prostrated on sample trays and in enticing packages made him feel lightheaded. He took a deep breath and continued down the row, acknowledging the talents of his fellow students, but turning down every single advance of a sample towards him. Jade noticed this and turned to azul at the end of the first set of tables. "Are you doing okay? Usually you'd be okay with sampling wares if you felt it could benefit us, and you know we are looking for new items for mostro lounge, so what gives?" Azul simply shrugged and upturned his nose in the opposite direction. "Im simply not hungry at the moment. Ive already eaten today." This was a lie and he knew it was a lie, but he wouldn't dare tell the truth. Jade furrowed his left brow down and then shrugged and continued on. 

Heres another question for the well informed. What happens when you grow up fat, a binge eater, and then as a result of relentless bullying, starve yourself sick and overwork yourself to lose weight just to prove something to the people who bullied you? You grow to hate yourself and food and the world so terribly that the crossroads of those three cause you internal turmoil so fierce that you block it out and call it normal. 

Azul Ashengrotto was not immune to his own self hatred and was not immune to the great suffering that came with it.

"Oh." Jade spoke, breaking azuls dissasociation from his environment 'excuse me, i have to go find my brother." He pointed to his phone, and azul nodded in understanding. 

from here, he was alone. Left to his own devices. He looked around, and felt the world closing in on him as he realized he was still surrounded by the baked goods and foods, the cacophony of scents playing in his nostrils almost caused him to clutch his stomach. The truth is thay he was extremely hungry, but he could not eat.

He could not eat.

so azul turned on his heels, said his goodbyes, and left the cafeteria as fast as he could.

his heart was pounding and his head was spinning. How could he let something as asanine as food control him like this? He knew he was better and stronger than food could ever be, yet still he let it lord over him. He entered his dorm room and grabbed onto his desk chair for stability, as the room was turning circles around him. He fell into the chair and let his head drop into his hands as he tried to regain his composure. He sucked in shallow breaths and held back hot tears. He could NOT cry over this. Not today. Not again. He couldnt let himself falter like this. 

everything in his life was calculated. Everything had to be done for a reason. He was doing this to himself to prove that he wasnt worthless. To prove that he was deserving of recognition and love from others. It was worth it to him. 

but still. Every single day he saw as his friends enjoyed treats with each other, classmates sharing lunches, and envied them. Envied their ability to exist without ever thinking about what they were putting into their bodies. He even deeply envied the twins, as they were always quite lean and slim without needing to even try. Yet azul had to try. He had to keep going the hardest out of everyone because this was the one and only thing that did not come easy to him. 

what did it matter if he didnt love himself? If he had the validation and approval of his peers and the success that he rightfully deserved, then self image need not matter. 

why did it matter??

why. 

and why oh why was he currently silently crying to himself in the solace of his own room, a space that he built around himself to perfection?

why was he letting himself get worked up about this if it didnt matter?

Azul wasn't sleeping. His hunger carved away at him, forcing him to sit up in annoyance. He huffed and looked around, then burned a hole into his wardrobe with his gaze.

He knew what was in there, a stash of food that he kept for himself to binge on and eat when he was feeling especially morose. He leapt from his blanket and pattered to the wardrobe, theowing the doors open in a fervor as he whipped the clothes out and snagged the box he kept the snacks in from the very back of the armoire.

With the box in his lap, he discarded the lid and looked inside. Full to the top with various sweets and salty favours, azuls eyes peeled over the assortment, heart rate increasing as feelings and thoughts flooded his cranial cavity. At last, he shot his hand into the box and pulled out all of the snacks, and in an instant the world pulsated black around him. His chest tightened and his breathing became laboured. 

And he ate. 

He ate everything in the box barely gasping for air as be shoveled down the carb riddled sugar laden processed snacks he kept away for no very good reason. It didnt even taste good. He didnt bave time for taste.

He was ravenous

And then it came, the discomfort, the feeling of dread in his lungs forcing its way out through shakey exhales. He stared down at his hands that were covered in dust and crumbs and morsels of his feast. 

And yet more came after, the pounding self hatred beating his frontal lobe, the pressure behind his eyes, the guilt. 

He could not let this sit.

He jumped to his feet and fled to his bathroom, grabbing his toothbrush from his holder as he slid onto the tiles in front of his bathtub. He folded his arm underneath his ribcage and leaned over the side, immediately a slurry came up his throat and flew past his lips. He adjusted himself to have the perfect calculating throwing up position, and aimed his toothbrush down his asophagus.

Azul was no stranger to this process. Much like everything else in his life he calculated even his purging to a precise math to make sure everything went correctly. He knew the angle to which he held his toothbrush against the back of his throat, where to position his hand against his stomach so that it could not be forced out of contraction, and where to bend his body over the side of his bathtub so that it projected evenly and into the right place. 

and so it went.

For the next thirty minutes azul expelled his binge, tears and snot dripping from his eyes and nose as bile dribbled down the side of his face.

He was exhausted, now from both the lack of adequate nutrients, overworking himself, and spending an extended period of time throwing up his guts. He rested his head on the edge of the tub and let out a loud sigh. 

Slowly, he pulled himself up and hobbled to the sink, where he immediately turned the water on and slurped some water into his mouth, sloshing it around his cheeks before spitting it out and repeating the process, only including a gurgle this timw around. Then, he opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed his real toothbrush, that he only ever used for his teeth, and used water to brush all of the acid off. 

Finally, he washed his face thoroughly, and stared at his blurry reflection in the mirror. It was a good thing he had bad sight, because seeing himself in this moment of vulnerability would probably send him over the edge. 

He sighed.

Azul turned and left his bathroom, then crawled into his bed ans pulled the covers over. Maybe he would finally get some sleep. 

So he closed his eyes and drifted into dreams that will never become a reality. 

He knew in his heart that while today was bad, tomorrow would be worse.

[dailypepe]

undefined

Pepe's recipe for... himself

[thehollowwriter]

I know you’re busy with a lot of requests, so no rush or anything. 🥰 May I request a Dark Green Petal with a Fluffy Cloud for Jade? I can’t imagine him getting hurt often or anything similar, so I was thinking of maybe a clumsy and emotionally sensitive soulmate? But I’ll leave it up to you 😊 I hope you have a good day!

Summary: Jade has an emotionally sensitive and clumsy soulmate and can feel their pain

(Pls reblog and leave a comment ❤)

One Dark Green Petal And One Fluffy Cloud

▪Oh dear.

▪You stress poor Jade out far too much. It's not good for the heart, don't you know?

▪From a young age he's felt your pain.

▪ A lot of was emotional, but there was also quite a bit of physical.

▪Nothing terrible of course, but it was quite clear you were a pain magnet.

▪When Jade met you and got to know you, he came to understand that you were, in fact, incredibly clumsy and quite sensitive.

▪He's always careful with his words around you, and he makes sure to keep you from hurting yourself. You mean everything to him, after all.

▪He's quite glad he has this connection with you, it's easier to protect and keep an eye on you. However, it does give him mini heart attacks.

▪Like now.

Jade was working at the Lounge, and everything was going just fine. Just. Fine. You were fine.

Jade... was a worrier. While he was sadistic, murderous, and dangerous, he was very protective over his family, close friends and- most of all- you.

He really didn't like it when you got hurt.

"Order for table thirteen!" Floyd called, and Jade took the plates and made his way over to the designated table.

"Here you go." He said, gently placing down their food. He got a few mumbled thank you. He smiled. "Anything el-" Oh Seven that quick surge of sadness in his mind hurt so bad. What on earth were you doing?!

As soon as the the emotional pain subsided he got hit with a mountain of utterly awful physical pain in his head and... tongue?

"Excuse me." He said to his table, and swiftly left the Lounge, ignoring the shouts of his co-workers.

The moment he was out he bolted to Ramshackle as fast as his long legs could carry him- which was pretty damn fast.

He opened the door with such force it nearly came of its hinges.

He didn't intend to panic but you've suffered some very bad injuries once twice and he cannot take any chances.

"Darling? Darling are you alright?" Jade searched the entite dorm until he found you im the bathroom.

Crying.

Jade made his way to you and gently touched your shoulder. "Darling? What happened?" You smiled. "N-Nothing. I'm... f-finee..." You started crying again

"I lied. I'm sorry. I-I tried to ignore it but I got sad and then I tripped and hit my head and bit my tongue and-"

Jade stopped you. "My pearl... what were you trying to ignore?" You whimpered. "You won't like it." "You can tell me."

You were quick to give in and raise your phone to reveal your magicam account. All you did was post photos you had taken of things that caught your interest or wanted to remember. Most of the pictures were of you and Jade.

Jade focused onthe bright screen and almost growled out loud. You were getting... hate comments. Not many and nothing particularly dreadful, but it ignited a fire inside of him that was not going to be put out.

Jade turned your phone off and placed it on the counter. He then pulled you in into a warm embrace and began rubbing circles on your back. "Shh... it's alright..." He murmured, letting you cry. "My love, you're wonderful. You mean more to me than any entertainment or mushroom in the world. Don't listen to what they say."

You clung onto Jade so tightly your knuckles turned white. "O-Okay...."

You two stayed like that for a while. Juet sitting in silence and holding each other. Jade felt your hurt and it weighed on his heart immensely.

Finally, Jade scooped you into his arms and stood up. "Let's go sit somewhere more comfortable." He took you to the lounge and placed you on the couch. Seating himself next yo you, he handed you your phone. "How about we go through your photos, hmm? I think that will be fun." You thought about it. Then nodded slowly.

Jade leaned back and you followed suit, snuggling into his side. You opened your gallery, and you both began to enjoy a leisurely stroll down memory lane.

***

"Mm, I remember this." Said Jade, resting his chin on your head. "Our first date. At the falls on the mountain."

The Falls was a special place. Jade discovered it by accident and it became his place. Then he brought you there, and it became your place too.

"Didn't you try to name it after a mushroom?" You asked teasingly. Jade laughed. "Shiitake Falls is nice name. But your Pearl Falls is lovely too." His eyes lit up. "Pearl Shiitake Falls?" You giggled. "Sure, if you want."

Your swiped to the next photo, and your smile faltered. You let out a hiss. "Eish. Poor Floyd."

This particular image forever captured the time Floyd tried to eat a cactus.

You and Azul tried your damn hardest to stop him (while Jade observed in amusement) but ultimately failed.

The result? A whiny angry Floyd with a tongue full of cactus spines.

Why did he eat a cactus? He was told it was edible and delicous. Floyd did not care to read up on plants and, despite the many warnings from his peers, decided that eating it with the thorns was just "part of the experience."

"You let it happen." Your words made Jade grin. "He refused to listen to me. I am not at fault here." "Yeah. Sure."

Jade could feel your sadness lifting. It was now only a tiny needle prodding at the back of your mind.

"I love you." Said Jade, wrapping his arms around you as you continued to swipe through photos. You smiled. "I love you too." Jade paused.

"What's that?"

"This?"

"Yes."

"Oh... that's when Ace proposed to Deuce as a prank."

"Did he fall for it?"

"Yea."

-END

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A/N: I got very carried away with this lmao. My humour is in pieces on the floor.

Tagging @rozengrotto @adarkenedforest

[ready-steady-freddie]

Swim until you can't see land

Robert Bob Floyd + Natasha Phoenix Trace (friendship)

Warnings: Infant death/child loss (non-graphic) and suicidal thoughts. This fic ties in with my reader POV fic Nothing breaks like a heart.

Word count: 2,2K

Notes: I swear I love Bob to bits and I'm not trying to make him suffer intentionally. OK, so maybe I am. Huge, huge, huge thanks to @nixnbob for their input on this piece. It made it so much better and helped me convey what I was trying to say as I wrote this. They are amazing, I love their storytelling, so go read their Phoenix x Bob fic Free Fall on AO3.

Thank you for reading! Every like, comment and reblog is appreciated ❤️ YouTube song playlist is found here.

"Bob …"

He stood at the edge of the ocean. It called to him. It always did, inviting him in. Both calming him and setting his nerves on end. He heard his name called in the mild lapping and the loud crashing of the waves against the shore.

"Bob …"

For now, his breathing had evened out. He had been on the verge of another panic attack and rather than making a scene inside the Hard Deck, he had fled to the oceanside. There was something about the sea, perhaps vast expanses of water in general, that made him feel safe. Humble. Safe in the repetitiveness of the motions, humble in knowing that such a force could take his life under the right circumstances. He was not afraid of that force and it made him immensely calm. 

"Bob …"

He wondered how far into the ocean he would have to go to feel its weight crushing around him, holding him down, filling his lungs with water, darkness forever surrounding him. Quite far, he supposed. Further than he could go before his natural instincts for survival took over. But it would be so easy to just disappear in the ocean. People did it all the time. Why not him?

"Bob?"

It was not until Phoenix touched his arm that he realised it was not the ocean calling his name. It was her. Her brow was furrowed with concern, lips strained into thin lines and eyes searching his deeply. He blinked once and Phoenix had tears spilling over slowly. Her thumb came away wet when she dragged it across his cheek. He had not noticed that he was also crying.

"Oh, Bob." He found himself engulfed by her petite frame, arms thrown around his neck and shoulder. Phoenix hugged him close and he swallowed hard as he did a halfhearted attempt at hugging her back. Beyond his control, a sob came over his trembling lips. Her embrace was warm and strong but never too much. It was a rare moment for them to show affection towards each other like this. Through the chaos and absolute hopelessness of his situation, he appreciated it. And he appreciated that she had been the one to invite him tonight and that she had been the one to hug him first. He needed that. To see another living, breathing human being. To not be reminded constantly of death, grief and despair.

"I am so sorry for what happened. I don't even know what to- I can't pretend to know what you're going through. But my heart breaks for you and your wife and your little boy. Please know that I think about you guys all the time and- i-if there's anything I can do-"

She held onto him still. Tight. She spoke into his neck, her breath hot against his skin. She felt how skinny he had suddenly become and it broke her heart even more.

Bob was the first one to pull away. He had stopped crying and wiped his cheeks and nose with one hand. He shrugged. 

"There isn't. But thanks."

Phoenix sighed as she wiped away her own tears. Bob stood with his hands in his pockets, gazing out across the ocean again.

"Do they know?" He nodded back towards the bar where the rest of the Dagger Squad were waiting for them.

"I haven't told them."

He breathed out bitterly. Her response changed nothing.

"Please tell them when you think it's appropriate. I just … I can't face them. Not tonight."

He would not be joining them. He could not. It had been a mistake for him to come tonight. The well-intentioned platitudes would not fill the hollowness that had taken hold of him.

"It's okay. I'll tell them before you return to base." Phoenix supplied, restless beside him, busying herself with correcting the wings on her khaki uniform - which  were not even askew to begin with. Sensing he was still closed off, she glanced at him - still facing the ocean - before asking, "How, uhm … How are you?"

Finally. He exhaled. A crack formed in the ice around his heart.

"I'm scared," he answered quietly, a tremor in his voice. 

"Scared?" she asked, gaze shifting back to him.

"I'm scared that this is my new normal," he began, trying to tamp down the shaking that had settled in, "Scared I'll wake up every day for the rest of my life feeling like this. Scared my wife'll wake up every day for the rest of hers, to feel that pain … It's hard."

"You won't." 

She sounded so certain.

"You don't know that," he shot back, harder than he had meant to, but not in anger.

"You're right, I don't. I don't know anything because you don't tell me," she said sadly, "I am in the dark here, but all I want to do is help you."

He sniffled softly. "I don't think you can."

She touched his arm again. Instinct urging her to ground him. To keep him here. Safe. Present. She felt helpless. Unable to protect him.

"Are you getting the help you need?" she pressed.

He shrugged her hand off his arm, prompting her to take a tiny step back. He lifted his glasses and ran a hand over his face in a futile effort to disperse his unease. 

"I don't know what I need or what my purpose in life is anymore. I don't know how to help her. I don't know anything." He blinked a few times, like he was starting to disappear back within himself. "I need to get away from here."

"... Bob?" Phoenix sounded wary. His words hit her like a physical blow.

"I, uhm, I signed up for the Pakistani mission," came his quiet response.

"No. No, no, no." Her voice flared with incredulity. She moved to stand right in front of him, blocking any route of escape, looking up at him with thunderous eyes. "Are you actually insane? Do you have a death wish?!" 

"Yes!" He all but snapped. "Yes, I do! Because I can't go on living with the pain of having lost my son. I will never see him again. Or hold him. Or get to watch him grow up. He's gone … and it's breaking my heart more than I can-" His words came tearing out harsher than he had intended, but the dam had broken. "There's no words. None. It's too much, Nix. It's just … It's too much." 

Warm droplets rolled down his cheeks again. He did not bother to wipe them away. It was true. For the first time, he wanted to die. To be done. He could not bear to live his life in such suffocating hurt and sorrow and there being no end to it. He had many times wondered what it would be like to die of heartbreak. Would it be swift and painless as he hoped his son's death had been? Or slow and agonising? 

Bob wanted to leave this place so he could be with his son in some - any - form of afterlife. Instead of reliving that fixed point in time. There were times when he wished that his heart had stopped beating in that same instant as his baby's so he would not have to live with the agony and loneliness of that rendering loss. He knew whatever he felt, his wife felt it so much more intimately. An infinite and unbounded times worse. She had to endure the shame and guilt of her body not being able to keep him alive. Her vessel that was meant to give life to their dream. As desperately as he wanted to, Bob could not take that feeling away from her. It broke him. Over and over.

"Bob, please. I get it. I know you don't believe me, but I do. You can't do that to your wife. Or yourself. Didn't you agree that you would no longer go on high-risk missions? And no more long deployments? Are you even mentally fit to fly so soon?" Phoenix rushed out, fingers ghosting in the air with the desire to connect with him, to bring him back to himself. To help him.

"Yeah, well, things change," he answered, almost nonchalantly, his timbre sour. "It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. She hasn't talked to me in like a month."

"Don't leave her. She needs you, Bob. You need each other," Phoenix pleaded, wishing upon wishes that he would see reason.

Bob flopped down onto the still-warm sand, drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He closed his eyes briefly as he rested his forehead on his knees.

"I miss him so, so much."

Phoenix sat down beside him, putting an arm around his back, rubbing her hand in small, consoling circles.

"He was still warm when I held him the first time. He was so dang beautiful, Nix. The most gorgeous little being I've ever laid my eyes on. I would have been so proud to show him to everyone." 

Bob's voice was full of love. Overflowing. He gave her such a broken expression that she felt her heart was being shredded. 

"Do you … Do you have any photos of him? Can I see?" she asked, trepidation in her voice, though her small ghosting smile was genuine.

Bob's eyebrows flew up in surprise, his mouth slightly agape, caught off-guard by her question. "I have pictures. But he's … He's already gone in those pictures."

"I know. I don't mind. But he's your kid and I want to see him … If you will share him with me." Her words were an unexpected balm to the agonising burn of loss that he felt.

Bob had not expected to weep when he showed Phoenix the pictures of his son. But it happened quite naturally, each sob raking gently through his body. Every swipe through his phone's gallery brought on a new emotion for both him and Phoenix. It was otherworldly for her to be looking at those pictures with him. Knowing his baby was not just sleeping. But still looking peaceful. A cute, rosy-cheeked baby. She realised that Bob did not even know the colour of his boy's eyes. 

She was grateful that Bob shared this with her. She felt honoured that he trusted her this much, a trust reserved only for those closest to Bob.

"I think … I think this is my favourite," Bob sniffled, stopping at a picture where he cradled the lifeless child to his chest, five tiny fingers curled around Bob's much longer ones. He was looking at his son with such a soft expression, eyes shining with something Phoenix had never seen in them before. Unconditional, undying love.

"You are such a proud dad here." She nudged his shoulder with hers, lips trembling as she spoke. She looked up at him with a slight smile and fresh tears now ran down her cheeks, too. "He looks like you."

Bob let out a chuckle, even through his tears. "He does, doesn't he?"

"Slap a pair of aviators on the kid and it's basically you," she sniggered, blotting at her eyes.

Bob laughed again and dried his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. "Thank you for saying that. I'm having such a difficult time connecting with him these days, and it means the world to me that you see me in him."

"I'm so sorry that this happened to you both, Bob. It's not fair that you didn't get to spend the rest of your life with him. You love him so much, anyone can see that."

Phoenix placed a hand on top of Bob's. She sent him a brief smile but she hoped the love she felt for Bob and his family lingered in her eyes. He was her family too now, after all.

Another painful, raking sob fell from Bob's lips and he started shuddering. Phoenix moved around him to hug his larger frame awkwardly, letting him bury his face in her neck. Wanting so desperately to be able to shield him from this.

"Hey. It's going to be okay," she spoke softly, brushing her hands through his sandy hair.

"You don't know that." His reply came quickly, his tone agitated again. He had heard those words spoken many times before and he grew weary of them.

"You're right, I don't. But neither do you. So stop being a fucking idiot and retract your application for the Pakistani mission!" she fired back at him, her love for him and her frustration at his recklessness battling in her voice.

Bob laughed despite himself, his dry sarcasm painting his speech. "You always know just what to say. And in such a mild manner."

"I really don't," Phoenix grinned. "I just care too much about you to let you do something dumb like that."

"Thanks." Bob sought her forehead with his own and breathed out heavily, the remnants of the current squall of his emotions temporarily exorcised from his body. "I'm still not fine, you know."

"I know, buddy. It's OK. Take your time. I'm here for you. Always." 

She smiled, glad he was getting even the smallest reprieve.

[merakiui]

I can tell Yan!Floyd would be very very clingy and affectionate to his darling who’s now has a but of a little trust that floyd won’t hurt them

but imagine tho.. his darling has panic attack and floyd hug them and whispered sweet thing to them and telling them “I’m here, shrimpy. I’m not gonna leave you” what if he actually said the 3 words and 8 letters

(can i perhaps be 🦐 anon?)

He’s very clingy and affectionate! He’ll want to constantly touch you in some way, whether that’s by holding your hand or squeezing your hip or shoulder or hugging you tightly or carrying you around the house in his arms or even pulling you into his chest for a silly dance. Floyd’s affections will never be stifled; he will hug and kiss and cuddle whenever he’s feeling like it, regardless of whatever you may be doing in that moment. So when he reaches a level of trust with you where you allow him to hold you often, he’s immensely pleased and he won’t be able to keep his hands off of you.

If his shrimpy had a panic attack, Floyd would handle it surprisingly well. He’ll give you your space and talk to you in a soothing tone, telling you stories about random things to redirect your focus. If you look at him, he’ll smile gently. He’ll ask if it’s okay for him to hug you instead of simply enveloping you in his arms because he knows that embracing you suddenly might make your panic worse. Floyd handles you with the utmost care and affection and patience! He really dislikes it when his shrimpy is suffering. Even if your circumstances (i.e. having been kidnapped and confined) aren’t ideal and will take time getting used to, Floyd’s going to do what he can to make things comfortable for you.

He’s not good with confessions. He’s never had to confront overwhelming feelings like this before, so he might fumble a bit with verbalizing his emotions. But he does tell you that it’ll get better. He won’t sugarcoat this; it’s a situation that’s so not fun. But things will improve. He knows they will because he believes in shrimpy. He knows shrimpy can be strong and brave, and even if there are days when you aren’t Floyd can be here to be strong and brave for you!

He likes to cheer you up with a very silly line: “Did ya hear shrimp can fry rice?” And that, without fail, always prompts a smile and laugh from you because the way he asks it with so much serious curiosity is amusing to witness. Floyd will beam at you when you’re in his arms and he’s petting your head to soothe you in the aftermath of a panic attack.

“I ain’t gonna leave shrimpy,” he promises, interlacing your fingers and marveling at the way your hand fits in his. “I’d never. I like ya too much, so I’ll always be here for ya. Always.”

He’ll cook your favorite dishes to cheer you up even more. Floyd is a very good chef; you won’t be disappointed with any of the meals prepared by his hand. And if you’re okay with it, he’ll cuddle you into the sofa cushions so that you can be tangled in long, lanky limbs, cradled in his arms, so that his body weight upon yours will be a familiar reminder that he’s not going anywhere. You’ll fall asleep to a movie, but whatever’s playing is not all that important. What matters most is that Floyd’s here with his shrimpy and his shrimpy is here with him, not as two souls divided but as a pair.

[draftingteacups]

Hello, I wonder what Soni and Swanna's reaction be when they found out that Octavinelle trio confiscates the Ramshackle dorm. Peace is for fools. War is the only solution.

FUTURE SPOILERS for Episode 3 in "The Eternal Blooming Flower" and other things; proceed at your own risk

Lemme just say that Soni is, in this Episode, at her freaking angriest (in the currently released chapters; Episode 6 is not fully released yet at the time of this ask) due to the crap pulled by Adeuce and Grim.

Like we've seen her when she's angry in Chapter 4 of "The Eternal Blooming Flower", and that was pretty intense.

That will not even compare to what kind of mess Episode 3 will be when her friends decided to take the help of a shady ass businessman when she as a teacher's assistant would be able to help them without them selling their magic away.

Grim is not spared from her rage at all. NOPE. Everyone's gonna suffer before she talks to anyone. For the most part, she's sticking with Jack as he hasn't done anything to piss her off, and Jack agrees on that point.

As for Azul... the poor unfortunate bastard...

If Azul decides to take the building, Soni would be pissed because of all the hard work put into it, but that's doable. It's just a building. If Azul tries to take her Pokémon in the contract, well... that's an entirely different story.

"Take my Pokemon away from me and they take your life, right here and now behind closed doors." Soni's rage radiates off of her so violently that Jack, who's sitting beside her, shivers.

"My, is that a threat, Prefect?" The twins begin to hover over her menacingly. How cute, he thinks that scares her. She's dealt with worse.

"Oh no, that's not a threat, Azul." Soni smiles without it reaching her eyes, her voice cold and angry as she says, "That's a promise."

Trust me when I say, no one is prepared for a Soni who is very determined to get what she wants.

I'm still reconfiguring Episode 3 entirely because Soni's previous experience with Team Flare and her reign as Champion gave her an edge in dealing with people that are like Azul.

When Soni is angry and determined with a lot of spite powering her, no one is safe.

There's a reason why Team Flare/Neo Flare hasn't been able to rise up and it's mostly because of her.

I've been thinking about one of the other part-timers at the Pokemon Labs who encountered Soni during a Team Flare scenario, and uh... Soni was freaking scary during that time period 🤣☠️

I was thinking of writing it out because it's been stuck in my brain for a long time, but I wanna focus on Episode 1 and the aftermath of that first before I can potentially write something spoilery (?)

Swanna, who hears all of what happened from Soni, goes ballistic and decides to enact justice because there's going to be a bunch of knuckleheads in Ramshackle?

Who are these bastards?! Octillery?! EELS?

*ANGRY SWANNA NOISES AND HISSES*

This begins Azul's intense fear of Swanna and white birds in general. Getting attacked in the sky, harassed in his entire dorm, and beyond Episode 3 stretching into Episode 4 when he's threatened by the bird again to help Soni.

The Leeches also get scared of Swanna immensely because Swanna is very, very chaotic and will stop at nothing until Soni gets her dorm back. Jade loses a lot of mushrooms, Floyd can't squeeze Swanna because it Drill Pecks him into oblivion, and all of them get Vibechecked™️

[pomefiwhore]

Dorm leaders reacting when accidentally badly hurted fem!MC

Context: A wild creature invades the school. Somehow, while you and your partner were taking a walk together, the being is facing both of you, blocking the way. Its appearance was menacing and disgusting, but it showed no sign of hostility.

Instinctively your partner puts you behind him as he prepares to destroy the creature. However, you realize that even though it has a scary look, it didn't really look like it was going to try to attack.

Y/N: It doesn't look like it's going to hurt us, I think it's better to just let it-

Your partner does not hear even half of your sentence when the creature dares to take a mere step towards you. He immediately casts a spell on the being, about to hurt it mercilessly to keep you protected.

Y/N: No! Don't hurt him!

You scream and run towards the creature as quickly as possible and stand in front of it, serving as a shield.

However, before your partner noticed you moving, he had already thrown the spell, hitting you right in the eye. Your body is thrown away and the creature, terrified, runs away with the sudden turmoil. You were full of burns and could barely breathe. The pain was indescribable because of its intensity.

Riddle Rosehearts

Process the event for a few seconds, before feeling immense pain filling his chest;

He runs desperately towards you. Tears were streaming down his face and his hands were shaking as he looked at your extremely injured body, not knowing what to do;

'' Y/N... Forgive me... Forgive me... I didn't want to... I didn't see... I-''- He was babbling desperately between sobs;

When he realized that you were barely breathing, he immediately put you in his arms in an clumsy way, due to the immense panic that he was feeling, and started screaming for help. He ran across the lawn while keeping an eye on what was in front of him and on your face, watching your breath;

Immediately wanting to use his own Unique Magic on himself for having hurt the most important person in his life.

Leona Kingscholar

His eyes widen desperately for a few seconds before running towards you;

'' Y/N? Y/N! '' -He shouted your name, trying to keep you conscious, when he saw that it wasn't working, he immediately started cursing himself for being so careless;

He messes up his hair nervously, with a lump in his throat. Holding back the tears, he carries your body in his arms, feeling your breathing unsteady;

'' Don't you dare abandon me like that herbivore! '' - He shouted, running immediately to the infirmary;

His arms trembled slightly as he carried you, guilt ripping through his chest;

''I can't lose you... '' - He whispered in a choked voice.

Azul Ashengrotto

The poor guy pales instantly, walking reluctantly in your direction;

No... He didn't do that, right? This can not be happening...

Did he really just hurt the person he loved the most?

When he saw that you wasn't moving and barely breathing, he fell to his knees, not knowing what to do;

And then he starts to scream and cry in despair;

He immediately calls out to Jade and Floyd at the top of his lungs, not caring if he has lost his composure;

After all, what was that when he was in danger of losing something even more serious and precious?

'' Y/N... My angelfish... What did I do...'' -He cried, tears welling up, guilt suffocating his throat.

Kalim Al-Asim

Y/N!!!!!!!! - He screams at the top of his lungs, running towards you, looking terrified;

He crouches down and raises your head, gently supporting your neck with one hand, tears falling as he strokes your bruised face tremblingly with his other free hand.

'' What do I do ... What do I do ... - He murmurs, looking around, unable to think properly;

He brings your face close to his to check your breathing, realizing that it was very weak;

And the poor thing almost passes out right there;

''JAAAAAAMILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! '' - He calls his servant, his throat almost aching from the intensity of the volume of his voice;

Almost instantly Jamil appears, with an irritated, visibly bothered look, but becomes one of pure terror when he looks at your burned body;

''KALIM WHAT HAVE YOU- '' - He started the question almost screaming. He didn't even has the strength to complete it when he immediately took your body in his arms and headed for the infirmary, Kalim right behind, explaining what happened in a desperate tone, but Jamil was not in the mood for it now. He needed to remain calm.

Vil Schoenheit

'' Y/N! '' - he exclaims in an irritated and worried tone, ready to give you a lecture, when he realizes that you weren't moving;

And then the panic came;

He goes towards you, bends down and gently shakes one of your arms to see if you reacted. No answer. As he approachs his face to check your breathing, his heart almost stops when he felt that you were practically not breathing;

His eyes widened in sheer horror, feeling immensely guilty and ugly for having hurt you;

He knew he needed to remain calm in the situation, but it was almost impossible to know that the reason you were practically dead was because of him;

He carries your body, looking for help, keeping you extremely close to his chest, no longer caring if it would stain or wrinkle his clothes, it was not the time to worry about it;

"Hold on my potato..." - He whispered, feeling like a piece of trash and with an immense pain in his chest. Vil couldn't stand the thought of living without you.

Idia Shroud

Idia.exe has stopped working;

Literally;

He just stares at the scene, paralyzed and looking still, processing and not believing what he has done;

Did he just suffer a Game Over?!?! Did he just lose the extra rare and most important character of his collection ?!

Idia remains there, frozen, refusing to believe of what just happened and just hoping that all of this was just a bad dream;

Luckily, Ortho was spying on his brother to see how he was doing with you and immediately came out of his hiding spot to help you;

Ortho catches his brother's attention, asking to help him carry you, but Idia remains in his catatonic state of denial;

The youngest sighs in frustration, being irritated by the idea of having to carry his brother to the infirmary too if he remained that way;

But eventually Idia reacts and lifts your body, unable to even look at you, just keeping his eyes straight ahead, without blinking, while following Ortho's instructions.

Malleus Draconia

The dragon fae's heart almost stops when realizes what he had done;

He looks at his own hands, trembling, feeling indescribable pain;

The human, his human, whom he had promised so much to protect and keep it safe, was not only extremely hurt, but was hurt because of him;

'' No wonder they see me as a monster ...''- He murmurs desperately, his mouth drying;

He carries your body reluctantly, trembling of fear on ending up accidentally hurting you again;

But even more afraid of losing you, of losing his most precious treasure;

I dare say he was almost crying.

[rrasado]

Hello! May request headcanons of Leona and Octavinelle students (separately) react to fem reader having Hanahaki Disease because of them, but she never tells them directly that they're the cause of it? Have a nice day!

Blood Stained Blooms

Ara? What do we have here now 🧐. I’m joking sjsjsj angst is my go to and you hit the spot. Tag some Lion and Octavinelle stans perhaps~?

⚠️ TW: Mentions of blood and vomiting.

When words are left unsaid...

Honestly, he never expected someone with so much spunk as you to just...reel over to the floor choking out bloody flora that could’ve easily been fitting with the greenery at the botanical garden he naps at.

And at the same time, Leona knew that...people with strong fronts have a tender foundation. What do you think he is? Well it wasn’t like he bothered hiding his shortcomings, it just so happened that he never gave a care for what people think of him.

That...would’ve been the usual. What is unusual however is you vomiting on the ground pathetically clutching your chest gasping for dear oxygen. Call it what you will, instinct, concern, desire, it didn’t matter to him what the hell he was truly feeling because the next thing he knew, he was already kneeling next to you brows furrowed whilst his calloused hand placed itself on your back.

He could feel it, with the way your shoulder blades tensed and relaxed at an unnatural rate under his touch while Blood continued to trickle down- The lion beastman was no fool either. Something to this degree isn’t at its early stages is it? He was no doctor but...he felt a tinge in his chest at the thought of someone just suddenly dropping dead. It was it because it’s you who knows…

The way you weakly smiled at him as you ushered him with a blood stained hand wasn’t something that would calm him down, it might’ve made him even more spurred. Gritting his teeth his ear twitched. Before standing up and grumbling to himself.

“Oi herbavour- what the hell is that-“ “A-ah..Leona..”

Leona is Leona, the lonely second prince that forgot his title whenever he was with you, but he didn’t knew how to handle this. How to handle the thought of you in a gruesome state- ah...he accidentally stepped on a flower….Ruggie would later be ordered to fetch whatever information he can manage to attain about the hellish illness.

...His mind is truly in uproar...

It was all too sudden, even for him. One minute you two were walking side by side in the corridors discussing a possible deal and the next thing he knew, eyes locked for a split second when he saw the sudden struck of immense pain on your expression before falling to your knees on the carpet and spewing out…

Azul, was truly ambushed with so many unwanted emotions, his usually calculative mind didn’t know where to focus on, your pain the blood spewing out or the cruelly beautiful flowers that landed on the stained carpet.

His sharp posture diminished shaking his head before finally making a move, a childish reaction but he took out his own cleanly pressed handkerchief and offering it to you. So what if it’d get stained with your blood? He’d rather clean out stains than to see you reeling on the ground!

Once your coughing dies down the octavinelle dorm leader would debate whether to ask or comfort. On one hand he knew that being double weighted by pain and interrogation isn’t good but on the other hand- he wanted to know what the hell you’ve been going through and he wanted to know ASAP.

Look the variety of clients he’s had to deal with never had a near death situation so he wasn’t sure if this was even within his prowess- and if he can’t help you then his vast network of connections should help, it has to help it has to. That’s what he’d be telling to himself unbeknownst to him that you’ve been weakly calling out to him- a-ah yes?

“Dear..you-“ “C’mon we’ll be late..I-I think we can grab some water on the way”

In the end he opted for the former, gently helping you back up on your feet and already concucting his next course of action, he’d later find out the cruel disease...he wasn’t the one having flowers bloom in his lungs so why did his chest wince…?

...You were far too precious for him to let go of...

It was- not part of his predictions, far from within his spectrum of deductions even.

Taking you out for a hike to admire and study the natural specimens Mother Nature has to offer in the land forms near Night Raven college was supposed to be...not bloody.

As much as of a sucker the Vice dorm leader is for the unexpected. This particular instance did not please him in the slightest. He grew and went about keeping his true feelings under an eerily serene exterior, this situation wasn’t an exception.

But he had to wonder wether his forced calmness helped you or made it worse, the way your eyes met his heterochromatic gaze just- the way the pain doubled in your gaze when you saw an eerily calm ocean in his eyes was what you recieved but why does it hurt even more..why does it feel like he doesn’t care when he-

You didn’t had time to even complain about something seemingly insignificant as that- the flowers that fell from your mouth along with spurts of blood like a crimson waterfall was taking up you train of thought. You need air- oxygen was taken for granted huh...like how the calmer eel twin took you for granted.

“J-jade...don’t think much about it..” “...as you wish..”

Honestly, just like how he handles other dire situations, he’ll calmly handle you to the bare minimum- but that isnt to say he isn’t worried, because he is...more than he’d like to admit. He’s seen how cruel life can be but when it comes to you...he never actually considered it. So expect him to frequent the library more rather than taking hikes. Because just like how he handles other situations...it’s better to find the source, and when he does...

...He’ll be even more diligent, unbeknownst to you...

Under the bleachers- hey...is that- Koebi-chan did you spill some juice? Ehehe lemme grab you an extra shir-...that smell...

What’s that in your mouth? He thought you were just snacking on something with strawberry jam but that...land dwellers don’t usually eat flowers with jam now do they? Poor Floyd...denial off the bat. But his body already began to move on its own, taking long strides towards your shuddering form as he grasped your shoulders to steady you.

He gulped down whatever lump hitched in his throat only for nothing to come out, for once floyd actually took the time to observe. The other always told him he was too reckless, he never cared since it adds to the thrill but- shrimpy choking out fully bloomed floranstained crimson isn’t thrilling at all. He doesn’t like this he doesn’t think this is fun- get youre pranking him right?..right?

What would the others do- no he doesn’t have time to think like the others he’s the only one with you now- he should carry you to the infirmary ye that’s good, good job floyd just slowly carry them and- he ran faster than for any errand he’s had to do. The infirmary was his only destination. Wether others stared at his rare expression of seriousness or the writhing person in his arms. It didn’t matter, those useless guppies don’t matter.

He demanded you to be treated, without even thinking wether whatever made shrimpy like this can even be cured in the first place. How would he even know? He’d know when the staff informs him, when they inform him how they can only keep the symptoms at bay but not fully cure the illness. This pest of a decease was making his shrimpy suffer and you’re telling him no one can do anything about it? WHAT TYPE OF A DAMNED DECEASE IS THIS-

“This ain’t fair! What the hell is-“ “F..Floyd hey...it alright.”

Suffice it to say he doesn’t take the news well, this was such an annoying thing to have, all for love? Who the hell wouldn’t love shrimpy!? Shrimpy is shrimpy and they are fun! Goodness Floyd...he only calms down when the teen in the infirmary bed ushers him close with a shaky hand...

...He despises the situation...