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itneverendshere · 3 days

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ex!reader who loves the game and wants to support her team but hockey captain!rafe is on the ice. he thinks she’s there for him but when she comes in with a date? and when they get put on the kiss cam? rafe slams into the glass to scare them? hate sex????

someone who lets you break them twice - hockey!toxic!rafe x ex!reader (+18)

warnings: veryyy long and 99% smut🙂‍↕️ the things i do for you...

The cold air inside the rink always made your skin tingle. Your breath curled in front of you like smoke as you moved uncomfortably on the bleachers, pulling your jacket tighter around you. This is why you hated fall. It was too cold to be outside, too early to be winter. But tonight wasn’t about the weather—it was about hockey.

Hockey and, well, the fact that you hadn’t missed a game since… well, since Rafe and you broke up.

“Everything okay?” The voice beside you pulled you back to reality.

Elijah, the guy you’d been seeing for the past couple of weeks, smiled at you, oblivious to the bullshit taking over your mind, and you gave him your best smile back.

“Yeah, just cold,” you said, trying to focus. You weren’t here for Rafe, not anymore. You loved hockey. You loved watching the boys skate across the ice, their power and grace.

Or at least that was what you kept telling yourself.

Elijah wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer to him, and you leaned in, feeling his warmth. The game was just about to start, and the arena lights dimmed slightly, casting shadows over the rink. The roar of the crowd drowned your thoughts for a moment as the players took the ice.

And then, as if the universe was personally trying to screw with you, you saw him.

Rafe.

Of course, he looked good.

God, why did he always have to look so fucking good? His broad shoulders filling out his number 17 jersey, that stupid confident smirk as he skated out with the rest of the team. His dark blonde hair peeked out from under his helmet He was captain this year, and it made sense—he’d been working his ass off since…ever. You couldn’t think of anyone more deserving than him.

He always had to be in charge, on and off the ice.

He still had that same cocky swagger that made you wanna scream… for entirely different reasons now.

You knew better than to be here, yet somehow you ended up courtside anyway. Probably because you’d never let him run you out of your favorite game. Not even if he was captain now. This was your team, the one you’d been coming to see since before Rafe even knew what a slapshot was.

You sank further into Elijah’s side, forcing your eyes away from your ex. But it wasn’t until you caught the dark blue of the jersey you were wearing in the corner of your eye that you realized… You’d put on Rafe’s jersey.

His number. The one you’d always worn to support him when you were together. Out of all the team merch you owned, of course you had to wear his.

“You really like hockey a lot, huh?” Elijah asked, glancing down at your jersey.

“Yeah,” You mumbled, feeling your cheeks heat up. “I’ve been following the team for a while.”

Lies. You loved hockey, sure. But you loved Rafe a little more. Or, you used to. Or, well, maybe that was still complicated.

The puck dropped, and the game started. For a while, you tried to focus on the action. Rafe was all over the ice, playing like the goddamn superstar he thought he was. You couldn’t help but notice how his gaze kept darting up toward the stands, like he knew you were there. And maybe he did

Halfway through the second period, he slammed into an opposing player, sending him crashing into the boards. The sound echoed through the arena, and the crowd went wild, but you could feel your stomach knotting up. That had always been Rafe—intense, aggressive, unable to hold back. On the ice or off.

You tried to focus on Elijah, laughing at something he was saying, but your heart wasn’t in it. And then, just when you thought you’d survived the worst of it, the kiss cam flashed up on the big screen. Your laughter died in your throat as you realized what was happening, your face heating up instantly. You weren’t exactly embarrassed, but this was... awkward.

“Aw, how cute,” He said, grinning as he pointed to the screen.

You followed his gaze, heart dropping. They were zooming in on the two of you. You could feel the crowd around you start to cheer and whistle as Elijah leaned in closer, clearly getting ready to kiss you.

You could see him coming toward you, could see his lips getting closer, but all you could think about was—

Bang!

In the span of a second, a body slammed into the boards right in front you, the sound so loud it made you jump. The entire section gasped, and you turned your head just in time to see Rafe standing there, glaring up at you from behind the glass. His eyes were locked on you, jaw clenched.

He looked like he was ready to tear Elijah apart, or you, or both of you. His chest was heaving, eyes blazing, standing mere inches away from where you sat. He had skated right into the glass.

Your heart was practically in your throat, and it wasn't from Elijah being close. The look on Rafe’s face as he stood on the other side of the glass?

That was what had your pulse racing. You could barely focus on Elijah anymore. The way he laughed, oblivious, made your stomach churn because Rafe—Rafe—was staring like he owned you. He always had this way of making you feel like no matter what, no matter who else was around, you were his.

And you hated that you still kind of liked it.

Then, still staring at you, he mouthed the words, "I dare you."

Why couldn’t he just leave you alone?

Those stupid words. Silently mouthed, but somehow loud enough to hit you like a punch through the glass. I dare you. God, what was wrong with him? He knew exactly how to push your buttons. And of course, it was working. He wasn’t just playing hockey—he was playing with you.

You could feel Elijah shifting next to you, still oblivious to the whole freaking drama unfolding right in front of him.

He was so sweet, too sweet, and it was almost infuriating right now because Rafe was standing there, with his stupid intense eyes, all but daring you to move on. Why did he have to look at you like that—like he knew you were still his.

The breakup had been brutal, the kind of messy, loud explosion where neither of you were willing to be the first to walk away. You were both too stubborn, too prideful. And now here you were, months later, still dealing with the fallout.

Elijah finally leaned in, lips brushing yours, and you kissed him, but your heart wasn’t in it. All you could feel was Rafe’s stare burning into you. The kiss cam lingered for a few seconds, and the crowd cheered, but all you felt was... empty.

When the kiss ended, you forced a smile at Elijah, but your mind was a mess. Rafe’s eyes were still on you, and you could practically feel anger radiating off him, even through the thick glass.

You glanced down, avoiding his gaze, and tugged at the hem of his old jersey, suddenly feeling like you didn’t belong in it anymore. You leaned into Elijah, mostly out of spite at this point. You could practically hear Rafe’s teeth grinding from across the glass. Good. If he thought he could just walk around, acting like he owned the place—and you—then he deserved to stew in it a little.

But, of course, he wasn’t the kind of guy to just let something like that go. You watched as he skated back into play, but his eyes kept flicking up to where you sat, like he couldn’t stop checking to make sure you were still there. Still with Elijah. His shoulders were tense, movements a little too aggressive, like he was about to snap.

You tried to focus on the game again, but your mind kept drifting back to him. You hated this. You hated that he could still make you feel this way, even now, after everything.

After the fights, after the breakup, after swearing you were over him. Why was it so hard to let him go?

The third period started, and Rafe was everywhere, throwing his weight around like he had something to prove. And maybe he did. Every hit was harder, every pass sharper. It was like he was playing angry. And you couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied, knowing you’d gotten under his skin.

But then, with less than five minutes left in the game, things escalated. He slammed into one of the opposing players so hard that the guy went down, and the whistle blew immediately. The crowd was roaring, but Rafe didn’t back off. He stood over the guy, glaring down at him like he was ready to throw a punch.

"Jesus," Elijah muttered beside you. "What the hell’s his problem?"

You didn’t answer. You knew exactly what his problem was.

The ref skated over, shouting something at Rafe, but his eyes weren’t on the ref. They were still on you, even as the other guy on the ice slowly got back to his feet. The arena was buzzing, the crowd getting rowdy, and for a second, you thought Rafe was going to lose it right there. His fists clenched, jaw set—he looked like he was ready to drop gloves and start swinging.

And then he smirked.

It was that same cocky smirk you knew so well, the one he always flashed right before doing something reckless. The ref sent him to the penalty box, and he skated off, still with that fucking look plastered on his face. Your heart was racing, your body tense. Elijah had leaned back in his seat, totally unaware about everything.

“Man, that guy’s intense,” Elijah said, shaking his head, eyes still on the ice.

You didn’t answer. Intense didn’t even begin to cover it.

Rafe was sitting in the penalty box now, helmet off, running a hand through his hair like he didn’t just about murder a guy on the ice. You could feel his eyes on you, even from all the way across the rink. You hated it. You hated that he could still get to you like this.

The last few minutes of the game passed in an instant. You weren’t really paying attention anymore, not to the score, not to the plays. You were too busy trying not to think about Rafe, about the way he had looked at you. About the way it had made you feel.

When the final buzzer sounded, the crowd erupted in cheers. Elijah stood up, stretching, turning to you with a smile.

“Ready to head out?” he asked.

You nodded, forcing a smile. “Yeah, let’s go.”

As you made your way toward the exit, weaving through the crowd, you could feel the tension building in your chest. It wasn’t over. It never really was with Rafe.

And you knew—somehow—you weren’t getting out of here without seeing him again.

You reached the bottom of the stands, where a crowd had gathered near the exit. Elijah was still chatting about the game, still clueless. But you were distracted, scanning the crowd without even realizing it.

And then you saw him. Of course, you did.

Rafe was leaning against the wall, still in his gear, helmet tucked under his arm. His eyes locked on yours the second you stepped into his line of sight. He didn’t even pretend to care about the people around him—his gaze was dark, intense, like a predator waiting for its moment.

You hated how your heart skipped.

Elijah noticed you freeze and followed your gaze, his smile faltering when he saw Rafe standing there.

"Isn’t that the captain guy?" he asked, glancing between you and Rafe, confused.

You swallowed hard, forcing your feet to keep moving. “Yeah. That’s him.”

As you passed by, Rafe pushed off the wall, stepping right into your path. Elijah, sweet, unsuspecting Elijah, paused beside you.

"Leaving already?" Rafe’s voice was low, casual, but his eyes were locked on yours, ignoring Elijah completely. "Didn’t even stick around to congratulate the team?"

You clenched your jaw, fighting to keep your cool. "It’s late, Rafe. We’re heading out."

But he wasn’t letting you off that easy. He took a step closer, his towering frame making Elijah shift uncomfortably. "You didn’t used to leave so soon," he said, voice dripping with that familiar cockiness. "Used to be the last one out."

Because you’d always let him fuck you in the locker room.

Elijah cleared his throat, trying to stand his ground. "Uh, yeah, we’ve got plans after this."

Rafe’s eyes flicked to him for the briefest second, before landing back on you.

"Plans, huh?"

Your pulse was hammering, and you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks. Why did he always have to do this—why couldn’t he just let you go?

“Rafe, we’re done,” you said through gritted teeth, trying to hold on to the last shred of your composure. “You don’t get to pull this shit anymore.”

He glanced at Elijah briefly, his gaze cold and dismissive, then back at you. “You sure about that?” he asked, “Because it doesn’t look like it.”

You clenched your fists, nails biting into your palms as you tried to calm yourself. You didn’t need this right now. Not with Elijah here. Not after everything.

“Let’s go Elijah,” you said, tugging at Elijah’s arm, desperate to get out of there before things escalated. But Rafe wasn’t having it.

He stepped in front of you again, blocking your path like he had some kind of claim on you. And God, the worst part was—you weren’t sure he was wrong.

You glanced at Elijah, who was staring at the two of you like he had walked into the middle of a conversation he couldn’t quite follow. “Look, dude,” he started, awkwardly laughing, “I don’t know what this is, but—”

“It’s nothing,” you cut him off quickly, your voice tight. “Let’s just go.”

But Rafe wasn’t about to let it go.

“Yeah, Elijah,” His voice dripped with sarcasm. “It’s nothing.” His eyes flicked to you, dark and daring, and before you could stop yourself, you met his gaze with the same fire.

Elijah’s phone buzzed, and he pulled it out, frowning.

“Shit,” he muttered, distracted. “I’ve gotta take this call real quick. Give me a sec?” He stepped away, leaving you and Rafe standing there in the middle of the hallway, your body practically vibrating.

He was on you in an instant, grabbing your wrist and pulling you toward the locker room door.

“Rafe, what the fuck—” you hissed, but he wasn’t letting go.

You tried to resist, but something inside you broke down—the anger, the unresolved pull between you two. And maybe it was the way he still had that stupid hold on you, the way your body responded when you shouldn’t want it to.

Or maybe it was the fact that you’d never fully closed the door on Rafe.

He shoved the door open, pulling you inside the dimly lit hallway that led to the locker room. The second the door closed, you spun around, shoving him in the chest hard.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, you know that?”

Rafe barely flinched, his gaze smoldering as he crowded you against the wall.

“Yeah? You didn’t seem to think so when you were wearing my jersey tonight.”

“That was an accident.”

“Bullshit,” he growled, leaning in closer, so close you could feel the heat radiating off his body. “You knew exactly what you were doing. Bringing a date with you. Do you want me to kill someone?"

Your heart was pounding, and not just because Rafe had you pinned against the wall like he always fucking did— God, why did he have to be so damn close? The scent of his cologne mixed with the sweat from the game, sending your mind spiraling. He was overwhelming, and you hated it. You hated him for still making you feel like this.

“Get off me,” you snapped, but it came out weaker than you intended. The way his blue eyes were boring into yours, like he could see through all your bullshit, wasn’t helping.

Rafe’s smirk didn’t falter. If anything, it grew.

“C’mon, baby, don’t act like this wasn’t what you wanted. You show up, wearin’ my number, sitting there with some random guy like I don’t still own you.”

He stepped closer, caging you in completely. You pressed your hands against his chest, but it wasn’t like you were really pushing him away. And he knew it.

“You don’t own shit,” you spat, glaring up at him. But even as the words left your mouth, you knew you didn’t believe them. The truth was, part of you had always been his.

Rafe’s lips curved into a smug grin as if he could read every thought running through your head.

“Really? ’Cause from where I’m standin’, you’ve been thinkin’ about me all night.” His breath was hot on your skin, and you hated how much you wanted to close the distance between you.

Your jaw clenched as you tried to muster the strength to tell him to fuck off, to leave you alone, but he was right. As much as you tried to convince yourself otherwise, he was still in your head, under your skin. The way his body hovered over yours—it was like nothing had changed. Like you hadn’t spent the last few months trying to forget him.

His hand found your hip, fingers pressing into your skin through your jeans, and you felt your body betray you. You cursed yourself silently as heat pooled low in your stomach. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, didn’t want him to know how much power he still had. But damn it, he knew. He always fucking knew.

“I hate you,” you muttered. It was a weak defense, and you both knew it.

Rafe leaned in, lips brushing against your ear. “Yeah?” His voice was a low rasp that made your knees weak. “Funny, you never sound like you hate me when you’re under me.”

Your breath hitched, and you swallowed hard, trying to ignore the way your pulse quickened.

“Don’t—”

But he was already kissing you, hard and rough like he owned you, like you were his and his alone.

And the worst part? You kissed him back. His hands were on you, grabbing at your waist, pulling you closer until your bodies were pressed together. You wanted to shove him away, to slap that stupid look off his face—but your body had other plans.

This was so wrong, on so many levels.

You broke the kiss, gasping for air, but Rafe didn’t back off. He was staring down at you like you were his next meal, like he’d been starving without you.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” you bit out, trying to cling to some sense of control.

Rafe’s grin widened, wicked and knowing. He leaned in again, lips ghosting over yours. “We both know that's a lie.”

You clenched your fists, frustrated beyond belief. Frustrated at him, at yourself, at how easy it was for him to pull you right back in.

“Fuck you,” you hissed, but the breathless tone in your voice told a different story.

Rafe’s eyes darkened, the corner of his mouth lifting in that infuriatingly sexy way he always did.

“Oh, you will.”

And God help you—you knew he was right. That fucking arrogance. It crawled under your skin, set your blood on fire in ways it shouldn’t.

You wanted to punch him, shove him, do something to wipe that smug expression off his face. But instead, you grabbed his shirt, pulling him back toward you, kissing him with all the fury you felt.

His lips crushed against yours, and it wasn’t gentle—there was nothing soft or sweet about this. It was all heat and frustration, months of unresolved anger bursting out in one chaotic, messy kiss.

His tongue slipped past your lips, and you bit down, hard, just to remind him you weren’t going to make this easy. He groaned, low and rough, pulling back just enough to look at you, his gaze dark. "You always did like it rough."

Your fingers tangled in his hair, and you yanked him down, kissing him like you needed to get all of this out of your system. His hands roamed your body, possessive, rough, and you hated how much you craved him, like you were still his.

You weren’t his. You couldn’t be.

But every heated breath you took, every desperate movement your body made, was telling you otherwise.

When his lips moved down your neck, teeth grazing your skin, you gasped, tilting your head back as your resolve crumbled to pieces. He knew exactly what to do, how to make you fall apart, and it pissed you off that he still had that power.

His hands gripped your thighs, lifting you with ease, pressing you harder against the wall. Your breath hitched, the cold tile behind you making you gasp. His mouth was on you, hot and demanding, and for a moment, it was like nothing else mattered.

Not Elijah, not the fact that this was so damn wrong, not the months of hurt and anger you’d been holding onto.

There was only Rafe. The way he touched you, the way he kissed you like he was trying to stake his claim all over again. Like you hadn’t been apart at all.

"Tell me you don’t want this," Rafe muttered against your lips.

You bit down on your lip, trying to stop the words from spilling out. You did want this. You hated that you did, but fuck, you couldn’t lie—not to him, not to yourself.

“I—” You choked on the words, eyes meeting his, and for a split second, you thought maybe you’d find some kind of resolve, some way to pull yourself back from him.

But he wasn’t having it. His grip tightened, his mouth capturing yours again in a kiss so raw, it was borderline filthy. And that was it. Your last piece of control vanished, and you were lost in him all over again.

“Fuck,” you gasped, head spinning as his hands explored your body like he had every right to. Like you hadn’t spent months trying to break free of him.

Rafe pulled back just enough to smirk down at you, breathless and flushed. “Yeah, baby. That's what I thought."

His hands gripped your ass hard enough to leave bruises, you let out a frustrated, muffled groan, your fingers still tangled in his hair. It was a lot longer than the last time you’d seen him.

You could feel every inch of his muscle through the thin fabric of your shirt. It was suffocating in the best way, and you hated yourself for how much you wanted it.

How much you wanted him.

“You’re such an ass,” you gasped between kisses, your breath hitching when his mouth moved down to your neck. You felt him grin against your skin, the bastard.

“You say that like it’s supposed to stop you.” His voice was rough, low in your ear, and it sent a shiver down your spine. “But I don’t think it is.”

You were about to fire back, but his hands slid under your shirt, fingers grazing your skin, and whatever you were going to say was swallowed by the heat rushing through you. You hated that he still knew exactly how to get to you—how to pull you apart and leave you helpless against him.

“Rafe, this—” Your words were cut off when he bit down gently on your collarbone, sending a shockwave through your body. You clutched at his shirt.

“This what?” he taunted, pulling back just enough to look at you, his blue eyes intense. “This a mistake? Because I don’t think that’s what your body’s saying.”

You just glared up at him, trying to catch your breath. You hated that he was right. Again.

Always.

“I told you,” you managed to say, though your voice was shaky, “this doesn’t mean anything.”

Rafe’s grip on you tightened, and he leaned in, his lips brushing yours as he whispered, “You’re still here, aren’t you?”

Your heart was racing, and you could feel the heat of his breath on your skin. There was no denying it—you were here, and you weren’t leaving. Not yet.

Maybe not for a while.

And Rafe knew it.

His hands moved lower, fingers grazing the waistband of your jeans, and your breath hitched. This was dangerous territory. You knew that.

“Last chance,” he murmured, his lips ghosting over yours. “You want me to stop?”

You should’ve said yes. You should’ve shoved him away and walked out of there with what little dignity you had left. But instead, you kissed him again—harder this time, angrier, like you needed to prove something to yourself. And maybe you did.

He yanked your shirt over your head in one rough motion, and you weren’t gentle either, tugging at his jersey until it was off and tossed aside. His hands were everywhere—on your back, in your hair, slipping under the waistband of your jeans, pulling them down with the same reckless urgency you’d been feeling since you laid eyes on him tonight.

“I hate you,” you whispered as your nails dragged down his chest, leaving angry red lines in their wake.

Rafe just laughed, “No, you don’t,” he growled, his hands grabbing your hips as he settled you onto one of the locker room benches. “But keep telling yourself that.”

Your jeans hit the floor, and he wasted no time, his hands gripping your thighs as he positioned himself between your legs, pressing you down on the bench, his body heavy against yours.

Everything was messy, and rushed, like neither of you could get enough. Like you were trying to erase the months of distance, of frustration, in the way you kissed him back, bit his lip, tugged at his hair.

You hated how much you needed this.

“Still think this doesn’t mean anything?” Rafe rasped, his voice hoarse as he pressed his forehead against yours, breathless and wild.

You could barely think, let alone speak, but somehow, you managed to gasp out, “Positive.”

Rafe’s mouth moved down your neck, biting and sucking, leaving marks you knew would still be there tomorrow. “You’re such a fucking liar.”

It was wrong, it was toxic, but fuck—there was something about the way he touched you. And body, traitorous and weak, responded like it always had.

You were furious with yourself, with him, with everything, but the anger only made it all hotter, more intense.

His fingers brushed against the seam of your panties, teasing, barely touching you, but doing enough to have you drenched.

“You’re soaked,” he murmured, almost amused, slipping one finger under the fabric to run along your folds, barely dipping inside before pulling back out, "Was this all for Elijah?"

Sonofabitch.

“Stop talking,” you spat, but your voice was shaky, showing him the way you were falling apart under his touch. Rafe chuckled low in his throat, his finger moving back, this time slipping inside you, deep and slow.

You gasped, your head falling back as he began moving his finger, curling it inside you in just the right way. Your body responded immediately, hips jerking against him, desperate for more, but he took his time. He added another finger, stretching you out as his thumb rubbed slow circles over your clit, making your legs tremble beneath him.

He sped up, his fingers thrusting deeper, faster, hitting that spot inside you that made your mind go blank. “You’ve been wanting this, haven’t you? All those nights pretending you don’t think about me, but look at you now.”

Your nails dug into his shoulders, legs shaking as you felt yourself teetering on the edge, his fingers driving you closer and closer to the orgasm you so desperately needed.

His thumb pressed harder against your clit, sending shocks of pleasure through you. “Tell me how bad you need this.”

“Rafe—” you gasped, your hips bucking wildly against his hand. The tension inside you was coiled so tightly, so close to snapping. You hated him, hated yourself, but the words slipped out anyway. “I need it.”

He groaned, pleased, and that was all it took. He thrust his fingers harder, faster, until your body gave in completely. You hadn’t had a proper orgasm in months. Nothing could get you off properly. Your walls clenched around his fingers the pleasure tore through you. You cried out, your nails leaving half-moon marks in his skin as you trembled beneath him, lost in the sensation.

But he didn’t stop. He slowed down just enough to draw out every last bit of pleasure, his fingers still moving inside you as you rode out the aftershocks. When you finally caught your breath, he pulled his fingers out, his hand moving to cup your jaw, forcing you to look at him.

He shoved his pants down, not bothering to take them off completely, just enough to free himself. Your breath hitched when you felt him against you—hard, hot, and ready—and every rational thought you had left disappeared in that moment. He lined himself up, teasing you just enough to drive you crazy.

Before you could respond, he pushed into you in one hard, deliberate thrust. Your gasp turned into a low, breathless moan as your back arched, your hands gripping his shoulders for something to hold on to. The sensation of him stretching you, filling you, was overwhelming, almost too much, but exactly what you needed.

Rafe didn’t give you time to adjust. He pulled back and slammed into you again, setting a punishing rhythm that left you breathless, gasping for air.

There was nothing gentle about it, nothing tender.

His hands gripped your hips, fingers digging into your skin as he fucked you like he was trying to remind you who you belonged to.

And you hated how good it felt.

“You’re mine,” Rafe growled, his voice rough as he thrust into you, each movement deep and brutal.“Doesn’t matter who you’re with, doesn’t matter how much you try to deny it—you’ll always come back to me.”

“Shut up,” you hissed, but your body was betraying you as you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him deeper.

He leaned down, his breath hot against your ear as he whispered, “Tell me you haven’t been thinking about this every night since we ended.”

You couldn’t.

The words were right there, on the tip of your tongue, but instead, a moan escaped your lips as he hit that perfect spot inside you. Your body arched against his, and you cursed yourself for being so weak.

“Fuck,” you gasped, eyes squeezed shut as the pleasure built, every nerve in your body on fire.

“That’s what I thought,” Rafe growled, his pace quickening, the force of his thrusts making the bench creak beneath you.

The sound of the bench, the way his body pressed into yours so perfectly, the heat of his breath against your neck—it all made it impossible to think straight. You should have been disgusted with yourself for letting it get this far, for letting him have this kind of control over you.

“I fucking hate you,” you managed to gasp out between breaths.

Rafe chuckled, “Yeah? Then why do you sound like that, huh?” His voice was taunting, filled with the arrogance you hated, “This pussy still mine, huh?”

You loved the way he grabbed you like you were his, even though you’d sworn, sworn, you were done with him.

You were still in love, weren’t you? Even after all the shit, all the screaming matches, the nights spent crying because of him. That was the part that pissed you off the most.

Before you knew, his hands were flipping you over so fast your knees hit the bench before you could react.

“Rafe—mmh,” you gasped, but your words died in your throat when he shoved you forward, pressing your chest flat against the cold wood of the bench. You barely had a second to brace yourself before his hands were gripping your ass, spreading you open for him.

He didn’t give you time to catch your breath. He was already dragging the head of his cock through your wetness, teasing, knowing how much you wanted it, even if you wouldn’t say it.

You squirmed, hating how desperate you felt, hating how your body responded to him like this. “Fuck, Rafe, stop teasing—”

“You want more?” he cut you off, voice dark and dripping with arrogance. He slapped your ass, just enough to sting, and you yelped, your back arching instinctively. “You’re gonna have to beg for it.”

"Like hell," you spat back.

He leaned forward, his chest pressing against your back, his mouth right by your ear.

“You can act tough all you want, but I know how much you want this,” he gritted out, his cock sliding against your folds again, torturously slow. “I know how much you need it.”

Before you could snap back, he thrust into you hard, filling you completely in one brutal stroke. You cried out, hands gripping the edges of the bench, and Rafe didn’t even give you a second to adjust. He pulled out almost all the way before slamming back in, faster this time, deeper.

The angle had you seeing stars. The bench was narrow, forcing your legs closer together, making everything tighter, more intense. You couldn’t stop the way your body responded to him, hips moving back to meet his thrusts even though your mind was screaming at you to get a grip.

His hands gripped the fat of your ass, pulling you back onto his cock with every thrust, and the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the small room, mixing with your moans and his ragged breathing.

“God, you feel so fucking good,” Rafe groaned, his voice low and rough as he thrust into you, each movement hitting that perfect spot inside you, making your legs tremble. “So fucking tight for me.”

He pressed his thumb against your clit, rubbing in slow, deliberate circles that had you on the edge in seconds. You couldn’t stop the moan that ripped from your throat, your hips bucking wildly against him as the pleasure built, higher and higher until you felt like you might break apart.

“You’re close, aren’t you?” He rasped, his voice thick with lust. “I can feel it. Fuck.”

You tried to hold on, tried to keep some control, but it was useless. He knew exactly how to break you.

“I’m gonna come,” you gasped, your voice barely more than a whimper as you felt the pleasure rising fast, threatening to consume you.

“Do it,” Rafe growled, his fingers rubbing harder, faster. “Come for me, baby.”

And you did.

Your orgasm crashed over you so hard your vision blurred, your body shaking as the pleasure tore through you. You cried out, your walls clenching around him, and Rafe groaned, his grip on you tightening as he fucked you through it, relentless, brutal, until your entire body was trembling.

But he wasn’t done.

He pulled out suddenly, and before you could catch your breath, he yanked you up, turning you around. You barely had time to register what was happening before he lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he pressed you against the cold locker. His cock was back inside you in seconds, filling you again, and you moaned, the new angle sending jolts of pleasure through your already overstimulated pussy.

He pounded into you, his grip on your ass bruising, and you clung to him, nails digging into his broad shoulders as he fucked you against the lockers. The sound of metal creaking under the force of his thrusts only made it hotter, more desperate. You could feel another orgasm building, and you hated him for it—hated how easily he could pull them from you.

“You’re mine,” he growled, his voice rough as he buried his face in your neck, his teeth scraping against your skin. “You’ll always be mine.”

And you hated that some twisted part of you wanted it to be true.

Your legs tightened around him, pulling him impossibly closer, deeper, as if you couldn’t get enough of him.

And God, you couldn’t.

His grip on your ass was rough, bruising, but it only made you moan louder. You were on the verge again—your body still tingling from the last orgasm, but the way he moved inside you, the way his teeth grazed your neck, it had you spiraling toward another one, faster than you thought possible.

“Look at you,” Rafe groaned, lifting his head just enough to lock eyes with you. His pupils were blown wide with lust, a wild look on his face that sent a thrill down your spine. “Fuck, you love this, don’t you?”

You did. Because no matter how much you hated him, how much you wanted to hate him—there was a part of you that still belonged to him. A part of you that couldn’t walk away.

His lips were everywhere—on your neck, your collarbone, your jaw—and you couldn’t stop the sounds escaping your throat as he kept driving into you.

“Say it,” he growled, “Say you’re mine.”

You bit down on your lip, trying to hold it in, trying to fight back, but every nerve in your body was betraying you. The way his body fit against yours, the way he moved inside you, it was all too much. You were coming again, and you hated it.

He pulled back just enough to look at you, his eyes dark and wild. “Say it.”

You wanted to spit in his face. But your body was telling a different story, hips bucking against him, legs tightening around his waist again.

“R-Rafe,” you whimpered, hating how weak you sounded, how desperate.

His smirk was infuriating, but fuck, it was hot.

“That’s what I thought,” he murmured, his pace quickening, each thrust deeper than the last. “You’re mine. Always have been.”

And then he slammed into you one last time, hitting that perfect spot inside you, and the orgasm tore through you, leaving you gasping and trembling in his arms. You cried out, head thrown back against the lockers as your body shook with the force of it, your nails raking down his back.

Rafe groaned, his grip on you tightening as he rode out your orgasm, his movements growing sloppier, more erratic. His forehead pressed against yours, his breath coming in short, ragged gasps.

“Fuck, baby,” he moaned, his hips jerking against yours as he finally let go, his release hitting hard. You felt the warmth of him spill inside you, as he held you against him, buried deep.

The second his breathing slowed and his grip on you loosened, reality came crashing back in.

What the fuck had you done?

You pushed at his chest, trying to put some space between you, but he wasn’t letting go that easily. His arms stayed wrapped around you, his body pressed against yours like he still had something to prove.

“Get off,” you muttered, your voice weak, but sharper than before.

He chuckled, that low, arrogant sound that drove you crazy. “That’s not what you were saying five minutes ago.”

You shot him a glare, shoving at his chest again, harder this time. “I’m serious, Rafe. Move.”

Reluctantly, he let go, stepping back just enough for you to slide off the locker and onto shaky legs. You stumbled a bit, and Rafe’s hand shot out to steady you, but you jerked away from him, pulling your jeans back up with shaky hands.

He leaned against the locker, smirking like he hadn’t just torn your world apart all over again. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

You wanted to scream at him, to throw something at his face. But instead, you grabbed your shirt off the floor, yanking it over your head as you tried to steady your breath.

“Good luck finding your date.”

Elijah. You’d come to the game with Elijah.

You shook your head as you zipped up your jeans and ran your fingers through your hair, trying to look somewhat presentable. You avoided looking at him, knowing that if you did, you’d see the smug satisfaction on his face that would only make you feel worse.

He pushed himself off the locker and took a step closer to you. You flinched, stepping back instinctively. “This can’t happen again.”

His smirk slipped for a moment as he looked at you. H e closed the distance between you in two strides, his hand reaching out to grab your wrist, pulling you toward him before you could react, “You’re choosing him?”

You yanked your wrist out of his grip, your heart racing as you forced yourself to take a step back, putting distance between the two of you, “You’re the one who chose yourself.”

His eyes darkened, searching your face, like he couldn’t believe what you’d just said. Maybe he thought he still had you wrapped around his finger.

“You’re the one who walked away,” you added, hating how your voice trembled, “So don’t act like I owe you anything.”

Rafe’s hand hovered like he was about to reach for you again, but he didn’t. “That’s not how I remember it.”

Your stomach twisted, “I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t—” You glanced at the door, feeling the weight of Elijah waiting for you. The one person who was good for you, who actually wanted to be with you.

But the worst part? You were still thinking about Rafe. Even after everything, you were still here, breathless, a mess because of him.

He took a step closer, his eyes locked on yours, and for a second, you thought he might apologize. Maybe say something real. But Rafe Cameron didn’t do apologies.

He raised an eyebrow, “Really?” His hand lifted, brushing a strand of hair out of your face in a gesture that was far too intimate, given everything that had just happened. “Then why are you still standing here?”

You flinched, stepping back. Why were you still standing there? You had no good answer, at least not one you were ready to admit.

“Go back to your date,” Rafe continued, his voice mocking now, “Pretend like he’s enough for you.”

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay. You couldn’t give him that satisfaction, not again. “You’re wrong.”

Rafe let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “I don’t think I am.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, throat tight, trying to push back the tears. This was all wrong. It was always wrong with Rafe, “Stop.”

It sounded like a plea—a plea for him to stop talking, stop looking at you like that, stop making you feel so small and yet so overwhelmed all at once.

Rafe sighed, stepping back just a fraction, and for a second, his gaze lifted. But it wasn’t enough. It never was. “I’m not trying to hurt you,” he said, his voice softer now, like that made a difference.

“You always do,” you shot back, finally meeting his eyes. The truth slipped out before you could stop it, and there it was.

His jaw clenched, "I don’t mean to," he muttered, his voice low. "You know that."

"Does it even matter?" You felt the bitterness rise in your throat, along with something else—something fragile and painful. "You still do it. Whether you mean to or not."

Rafe stayed quiet, and you hated that silence. He didn’t have an answer. He never did, not for this. Your fingers fumbled with the zipper of your jacket, something to keep your hands busy so you wouldn’t look at him, wouldn’t say something you’d regret. But regret was already everywhere, suffocating you both.

“I thought we were past this,” you said finally, barely more than a whisper. “I thought I was past this.” But clearly, you weren’t. Clearly, some part of you was still here, with him, in the wreckage you’d both created.

He ran a hand through his hair, looking frustrated, torn. “It’s not that simple.”

"It should be." Your voice cracked. You hated how much this hurt. How much he could still hurt you.

It wasn’t fair. You weren’t supposed to still care this much. You weren’t supposed to still feel this.

Rafe sighed, taking another step back, giving you space. But it wasn’t the kind of space you wanted. It wasn’t the kind that would make things easier. “I don’t know what you want from me,” he admitted quietly, his eyes searching yours for something he couldn’t find.

You swallowed, the lump in your throat making it hard to breathe. "I don’t want anything from you."

That was the truth, or at least it was supposed to be. You didn’t want anything he had to offer, not anymore. Not when every time you reached for it, it slipped through your fingers like water, leaving you emptier than before.

But there was still that ache, that feeling between you two, the one that dragged you back here even when you knew better. You wished you could kill it, cut it out of you like some infected part, but it was tangled too deep. And maybe a small part of you didn’t want to.

“You keep saying that,” he murmured, his voice almost tender, like he was seeing right through you. “But you’re still here.”

“I don’t know why,” you whispered, blinking back tears. Fuck, you hated this. Hated how vulnerable you felt, how easily he could unravel you, even now. “I shouldn’t be.”

He didn’t say anything, just stood there, watching you, like he was waiting for you to make the next move. Like he wanted you to figure it out on your own.

But you didn’t know how. You never did when it came to him.

"I’m sorry," he said, and this time, it felt real. There was no arrogance. Just Rafe, standing there, as broken as you felt. "I don’t know how to fix this."

You let out a bitter laugh, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hand. “There’s nothing left to fix, Rafe. We’ve already destroyed it.”

His face twisted, like he didn’t want to believe it. Like he was still holding onto some small piece of hope. "We could—"

"No," you cut him off, shaking your head. "We can’t."

You couldn’t keep doing this. The push and pull, the endless cycle of hurt and apologies that never really fixed anything. You couldn’t keep pretending that something would change, that he would change.

Because you both knew he wouldn’t.

He took a breath, exhaling slowly, and you could see it—the realization sinking in.

He knew it too. "I never wanted to lose you," he admitted quietly.

You swallowed hard, your chest tight. "You already did."

777 notes · View notes

uranometrias · 5 months

Text

✮ꜜ : ❛ long time coming : aaron hotchner x fem! reader

pairing: aaron hotchner x bau! reader

summary: after getting hurt out in the field, you're on leave for a month. coming back felt long overdue, that is until your plans with the team lead you to a situation that feels a bit too close for comfort after such a traumatic time. what's worse, your feelings you've harbored for your boss have no choice but to come to light when he makes the odd choice to address you as 'agent' rather than your name after one month of being apart, and years and years of back and forth will-they-wont-they.

content warnings: making out. allusions to sexual assault + r4pe (but only in the context of the case). reader has slight signs of PTSD. anxiety/panic attacks. reader runs into a few pushy men while out at the club. drinking / drunk confessions. reader has a crush on her boss, it is also implied that reader finds derek attractive, and he reciprocates these feelings. hotch is very good at calming reader down. no usage of y/n. reader is described as having shoulder length hair (can be read as a wig/weave) angry/disappointed hotch! reader has been hiding her anxiety / nightmares / memory issues from the team. mentions of vomiting. kissing. mentions of elle & the events of the fisher king. no distinct timeline, but can be read as s7 with the iconic team (hotch, emily, derek, jj, penelope, rossi, & spencer)

"Okay, I didn't know we were going all out. I would've prepared better." you smile shyly as Jennifer pulls you into a tight hug. When Penelope had called you early that morning with an excited decree that you'd been cleared to return to work you hadn't been sure how to feel. You hadn't bothered to ask how Garcia of all people was privy to information you hadn't received from your bosses yet, there was no getting a straight answer when it came to the Technical Analyst.

It had been her idea for the entire team to get together. You'd been out of the office for a full month, and in that time you'd tried your hand at maintaining your bonds with the rest of the group. It of course wasn't the same, but you knew that you'd needed the time. The last time you'd joined them on a case things had gone horribly wrong. You shudder at the thought, you had been doing so good at forgetting about it all, but seeing them again made it all come back.

The unsub had been your run-of-the-mill anger excitation rapist, a creep that had been using an elaborate ruse to entice and entrap women. It had been Emily's idea for the two of you to go undercover, the unsub had been killing two women every week, women who in many ways were polar opposites of one another, a trait that you and Emily shared. Long story short, in the midst of your plan to lure and trap the Unsub, you'd been separated from Emily and cornered.

You’d been carted off by the creep who kept you stuck for three hours before the team used his mistake to find you. By then though, the damage had been done. You remember the look on Rossi's face when he and Hotch came busting in, and found you looking bruised up with a bloody face, and a gun barrel to the side of your head. You'd never seen Hotch quite as scared, at least not since everything with Foyet nearly three years ago when he lost Haley and almost Jack.

You'd been too out-of-sorts to hear the way they'd tried to reason with the Unsub. And you hadn't realized your abdomen was losing blood until a gunshot rang out, bullets whizzing past your head as the unsub curled into himself before falling to the ground. You didn't know much, you thought maybe your eardrums had exploded with the way they were ringing, and you'd half expected to smack your head against the ground and end up with an annoying concussion.

Instead, you'd been met with the sight of your boss. He'd yelled something you weren't privy to, mouth moving as he seemingly forced the rest of the team out of their stupor long enough to get a medic inside to look you over. It was like you said, the details were fuzzy, but nothing had managed to wipe Hotch's worried expression as he fussed over your safety, out of your mind. However, if you were honest with yourself for one measly second, that was nothing new.

Nothing seemed to fill up your mind the way your boss did, and it was stupid, and deplorable all things considered. But it's not like it had even been something you'd asked for. It just happened one day. You shake these thoughts of your near paralyzing emotions away, pulling yourself back to the present as you took in JJ, who despite her perceived candor looked great. "Oh come on Jaige." you huff, and you appraise her more openly. "You look amazing, as usual."

She grins, albeit shyly, and she's waiting, maybe for your approval maybe for something else. She's trying to be discreet as she sweeps your for obvious reminders of what happened, and you feel nervous. Most of your injuries had healed up well enough, and the scratches that littered your face had been covered in a smattering of makeup. You felt comfortable in your pretty girl cocoon, all done up with a bright smile on your face that was surprisingly believable.

"Can I hug you?" she asks, and you can tell she's been holding it in, waiting to ask. You nod your head, a quiet chuckle escaping you as the blonde seems to scoop you into her arms. She's careful not to squeeze too tight, but the love is felt all the same. "God, it's been so weird without you around." she hums, and while the rest of the team is already huddled inside, probably in a booth Penelope picked, you're so happy she's the one here telling you this now.

"Now you know how we all felt when they sent you to the Pentagon." you whisper back, and you hear her bemused giggle as she steps back, and she takes you in again. Your red minidress was a stark contrast to the usual business-casual attire you wore everyday to work. Your hair was curled, pinned back with a gold claw clip, hair just barely ghosting over the divots of your collarbones. You'd opted for a shorter do' following everything with the unsub.

"Never leave us again." she pleads, and you feel this warmth blossoming in your chest at the way she's staring at you, almost like she really means it. You'd joined the team back when Elle and Gideon had still been around. At one point you'd been the rookie, the new girl nobody knew what to expect from. JJ had been right there beside you, even back then. She had been sweet, assertive, your first real friend on the team. She'd welcomed you before anyone else.

In time of course, things had changed, JJ had a husband, kids, a hoard of other units that were plotting on her skills at all times, but she was still JJ. Still that same first friend that helped you to see the Behavioral Analysis Unit was the only place for you. "I'll do my best." you promise, and she grins. She links arms with you before you both head inside the bar. There was music playing, some alternative indie song that wasn't half bad.

"Here's the girl of the hour now." Emily exclaims, and it's clear they've already started tossing back shots. JJ's head is instantly shaking in mortification. So it was going to be one of those nights. Penelope meets you both, pulling JJ from your arms and leaning forward to kiss her on the cheek sweetly, before she's turning to you. She's got tears already brimming in her eyes, and you can't help but giggle at the dramatics of it all.

"I'm so happy to see you." she squeals, and you find yourself hugging back despite the sting of your abdomen. "You look so beautiful." she adds a second afterwards. "What are you looking to get lucky?" she asks, as she uses her hands to push you away slightly, hands resting gently on both of your shoulders. You feel your face growing hot at the implication, and you see the way she's looking at your facial expressions for a signal of your lies. Curse her proximity to profilers.

"I just wanted to look nice." you reply and Penelope lets you off the hook. She leads you to the table, and you're just in time to hear the group finish up their hellos to JJ. She's sitting next to Morgan, who's bright-eyed as he looks up at you. You find yourself fussing with your hair, playing it cool as you press your lips together, re-smearing your lipstick as you waved your hand.

You weren't sure why you felt like the new kid all over again.

"It's good to see you, pretty girl." he croons, and you grin. Morgan was flirty, had been since you met him, and if you weren't so disastrously into Hotch, you think he'd be all on your mind. Well, you know... more than he was. There had been times where you'd been partnered together, and it almost felt like the tension was going to cut you in half. Sexual tension aside though, Derek was your friend.

They all were, and despite what your mind tried to tell you as you sobbed yourself through nightmares during your break from work, they were genuinely happy to see you. "I'm glad you're okay." your eyes flit over to the youngest member of the team. Spence is looking relieved as he too looks up at you with eyes full of relief. He's next to Emily, and she's already downing another drink. She'd be complaining about a migraine the next day, you could hear her now.

"Thanks, Spence." you coo, and you offer him a wink as your eyes fall on the only present member of the team that hadn't addressed you. Rossi had made a point to send his hellos, but due to a previous standing appointment, he wouldn't be joining tonight. You couldn't hold it against him, Rossi was scoping the prairie for wife number four. He offers you a faint smile, the group instantly falling into chatter.

"H-Hey Hotch." you mumble, and he's closest to you, sitting on the outside of the booth as the rest of the team tried their hardest to pretend they weren't expecting this. He doesn't say anything for a moment, instead he takes you in. He wasn't blind, he'd seen you before, you'd always been beautiful, but there was something about you done up like this. Red dress, red lip, bold makeup, and heels that showed off your legs, and accented your model-esque posture.

It was obvious that you were still a bit nervous about being out and about, and you were out of practice with being around the team. He imagined after a bit though you'd be back to yourself. You, and the rest of the girls would be falling into a rhythm in no time. He stands to his feet, much taller than you, as you take a small step back to give him space. "It's good to see you up and about, Agent." and his voice is low, clearly as a courtesy to the bustling of conversation behind you.

"Agent?" you repeat, and the word is so foreign. It makes you take another step back, the bottoms of your Louboutin's clacking against the ground. You looked a bit hurt, but you played it off quickly. "Come on, Hotch. I think we're a little past those formalities." you chuckle awkwardly, and you find yourself looking towards the bar. Yeah, you were definitely going to need a drink. He seems to curse under his breath, but you're not sure if that's due to you, or some internal conflict you weren't privy to. You don't wait to figure it out either.

He doesn't have the opportunity to reply to your correction, because you're looking to Emily, JJ, and Garcia. "Wanna get some shots?" you ask, and you sidestep Aaron, making sure you don't look his way again, as the girls immediately exclaim their agreements. Penelope's sliding out of the booth first, Emily and JJ following her example as they head straight towards the bar. JJ's shooting you a knowing glance as she looks between Hotch and yourself.

"You coming boys?" you extend the invite to Derek and Spencer, who are quick to nod along, both men trailing after the others as they head to the counter to order more drinks. You prepare to follow after them, ready for the welcome respite from your mind swimming in circles.

"I didn't mean to offend you." you stop short, spinning on your heel to meet the gaze of your Unit Chief.

"Well you did." you reply, and your voice is small. "I've known you for almost seven years, and here you are treating me like a stranger." you mumble, and you find yourself tugging at your dress. "I mean, I know it's been a while, but geez Hotch, it's still me." you say and he winces. You're not sure what the last month has been like for the others, but you know what they've been like for you. Torturous. It's been Hell.

"I know." he says, and your eyebrow raises, unmoved by his words. "And again, I didn't mean to offend you." he promises, and he clenches and unclenches his fists by his side. "After everything that happened, I guess I just assumed you'd prefer a more professional approach." he mutters, and you scoff quietly. Classic Aaron Hotchner, running away from interpersonal conflict with his tail tucked between his legs. "You don't even seem comfortable with us tonight."

You blink. Okay well he had a point there, but you were trying.

"It's not that I'm not comfortable." you mutter, and you look over your shoulder at the rest of the team. "I guess I just didn't expect to feel so out of place being out and about." you shrug your shoulders bashfully. "Everyone's normal, everything seems the same." you continue, and you notice the way that Hotch's lips have pressed into a hard line. "And it's like no time has passed at all for anyone else, but for me it's like I never moved." you blink, shivering at the thought.

Hotch's eyebrows furrow inwardly as he takes in your words. "I still feel like I'm-" you trail off, feeling a wide lump growing in your throat. "It's like I never left." you course correct, eyes shutting briefly, lashes brushing against your cheekbones. "Like no matter how much time passes, it still feels like I'm there with him and I'm-"

"I understand." he cuts you off, you think maybe to salvage your pride or to keep you from having a panic attack at the thought. "And you're certain you're ready to come back to work? You know you can take all the time you need." he reminds you, and you are immediately nodding your head as you wave a tired hand his way.

"I can't stay cooped up in my house anymore." you mumble. "It's becoming counterproductive." you huff. "I'm ready." you add a second later. "Apart from this awkwardness, I'm also perfectly fine." and it's a lie, you'd been having nightmares every night. Restless, sleepless evenings full of dread, and jump scares of your own creation. "I mean, I'm here aren't I?" you offer a tight smile as you reach out and tap Hotch's shoulders twice, a tense little conversation ender.

You don't want to stay huddled up with him anymore, not while he was looking at you like he was trying to see into your soul. You turn on your heel, dress swishing side to side as you head for the group. You find yourself in between Emily and Penelope, the blonde to your left immediately sliding a drink in front of you. You down it in a second, the intense burn as the alcohol rested in your chest was a welcome reprieve from the anguish and anxiety you'd been feeling.

You forget about Hotch, and all your heavy feelings by the time you're on your third drink. Your heels feel much too heavy under your feet as you stumble into Emily, the brunette chuckling vibrantly as you hang off each other, the music playing overhead lulling you into a false sense of security. It was nice being like this again after so long, laughing at the dramatic banter between Derek and Penelope. You wondered if they'd remain purely platonic forever.

Trading gossip back and forth with Emily and JJ was always a treat, especially as Spencer tried to keep up with eyes wide as saucers while Emily finally cracked the secrets of her coveted Sin-To-Win weekends. You weren't sure what was funnier, the peeks into Emily's life outside the unit, or the horrified looks that crossed Spence's face with every new tidbit of knowledge he learned about his coworkers. You found your eyes flickering over to Hotch again.

He was stoic as ever, but looser than he would be in the office. He seemed to enjoy being a quiet observer much more than he preferred to be in the mix. He leisurely swirled his glass of scotch, and you felt that familiar buzz of warmth in your chest when you managed to catch him smiling as he quietly passed conversation back and forth with a newly drunk Penelope, and Derek, who looked exasperated.

"Are you just gonna stare at him all night?" you jump a bit, turning to face Emily with surprise swirling in your irises. "If you keep it up, he's gonna catch you." she adds a second afterwards and you tense, head nodding as you scold yourself. You peel away from the bar, drink clutched in your hand. You had to get away from the bar for a second, maybe the cluttered dance floor would be the best distraction.

"Sorry." you mutter, and Emily offers a airy laugh. "He's just usually so serious." you lean into Emily, who nods along. She'd met Hotch after you, but still she'd managed to become so close to him it was almost surreal. She seemed to always know what he was thinking, they were in sync. Unlike you, who seemed to always be on the other end of a hard stare from the man. For a while you just began to assume he hated your guts. Or better put, he was indifferent to your existence.

That was why his look, that look he'd given you as he cradled your head while he waited for backup had been burned into your skull. All that went out of the window the second he'd labeled you 'Agent' though. God, how stupid were you? Emily's amusement makes your eyes roll. "Can I be honest?" she asks, and you nod. Penelope and JJ have migrated to the dance floor, JJ grabbing the good doctor and bringing him along with them. He looks incredibly uncomfortable.

"Sure, Em. If you think it will help." you reply audibly.

"I haven't seen him this relaxed since everything went down." she admits, and you're surprised. As if somehow your presence had been enough to set the stone-serious man at ease. "The first few days after your accident he was a mess." she adds, and she's got a surprising about of stability to her tone to be as inebriated as she was. She lowers her voice some as she leans into you, "He showed up late." she mutters this like it's some sworn secret just meant for the both of you.

"I'm sure Strauss was just riding him about another mishap in the unit." you try, and Emily looks unconvinced and unimpressed with you. "He's our boss, it's kind of his job to worry about us." you finish.

"Yeah, I guess so." Emily concedes, and she looks like she's done talking about it, so you find yourself relaxing. "Still. I've never seen him go that hard against an unsub, maybe you're not the only person that's feeling something." she leaves you with that, trying to keep from tipping as she marched towards the group. You chuckle quietly to yourself, ignoring Emily's words as you focus on finishing your drink. It seemed you'd inadvertently been trying to be alone all along.

You felt some of the tension melt from your shoulders now that you were standing at the bar, away from those prying eyes you couldn't lie to. There's this sound of heavy footsteps, and then the clearing of a throat, as you turn to be met with the sight of a man. He looked to be about your age, cheeks and nose covered in a little smattering of freckles. He's got a head full of shaggy hair that hangs in his face. He takes a quick step, sliding up against the bar beside you.

Way too close.

"Hey." he mumbles, and you appraise him boredly. It's not like he was ugly or anything, but despite Penelope's words you were not looking to get lucky tonight.

"Hi." you offer a dry greeting, shuffling your weight from one foot to the other as the bar seemingly became a beacon for thirsty men. Just as you were politely stepping away from the freckled man, you found yourself bumping into another man who'd slithered up to the bar, your ass pressing against his crotch as his hands wound around your waist. A sleazy chuckle escapes the man's mouth as you gasp. "I'm so sorry." you exclaim, and you're quick to peel away.

You feel trapped though, there were at least four guys, they all seemed to be friends, they all seemed to be in kahoots.

There's a third and fourth man joining the fray, they all looked to be about the same age, height, and weight class. This was probably their routine: approach and overwhelm whatever drunk girl they might have happened upon. It looked like you were tonight's target. "Hey, what's the rush?" the guy closest to you drawls, and you wonder where all your years of training have gone. His arm raises, and it feels like he might hit you so you flinch way too violently.

"Stick around, we'll order the next round." the next demands, and his breath smells like booze. It stinks, and it's hot as it puffs across your face. You almost break your heels backing away from them, suddenly feeling self conscious a`nd way too vulnerable in your short dress.

"No, it's alright, really." you try, and you stumble again. "My friends are right over there." and you point in their general vicinity. "Have a great night though." you offer politely, and you're trying to make your grand escape. One guy, a shaggy blonde haired man is quick to grab you by your forearm, and it's like you're back to that day. Your bureau appointed therapist had been talking to you about your anxiety, how a range of things could become triggers and transport you mentally.

"That wasn't a question. Stay a while." You're stuck, absolutely frozen in place as your entire body tenses up. Some Special Agent you were, the bureau would be so disappointed in you. Your team would be so disappointed in you. All it took to turn you into a pile of nothing was a bit of confrontation. You could remember a stronger version of you, that girl would've had these men on their knees for even thinking of laying hands on you. God, you missed that girl.

His grip on your arm tightens, fingers digging into you harshly as you find yourself surrounded on every side.

"L-Let me go." you huff under your breath, and you crane your neck. You spot JJ, the blonde's eyes locked on yours as the reality of what's going on forces her to sober up. "I just-" and you jerk away, stumbling back completely. You're surprised you don't scream as your glass drops to the ground shattering as glass sprays in every which direction. You feel like your ankle's twisted as you fall back on your ass. You expect to feel the embarrassing thud that came with smacking your ass on the hard floor of a bar, but it never comes.

Instead you feel cocooned by a familiar scent. Strong arms are looped around you, but you suppose your lack of disgust at the action is just a testament of your comfortability. "Are you alright?" it's mumbled against your ear, and the low tone of his voice makes you shiver. All you can really offer is a tight nod as Aaron's guiding you behind him. You don't get to see Hotch in action, not when JJ, Penelope, and Emily are flocking you like Charlie's Angels.

You feel the first signs of the need to barf pricking at you, and you know that you need to get some air. You needed to breathe.

"God, are you okay?" Penelope asks, and you're not sure if you are being dramatic. I mean, it wasn't like they'd done anything really. Now you were gonna look like the freak that ruined a fun night.

"I'm sorry." you chirp, and you miss the way Jennifer and Emily share a hard glance. It's not until you're feeling brisk air whipping around your face that you realize they've taken you outside, and you haven't stopped apologizing. I'm so sorry. Penelope's got wide eyes, quickly brimming with tears as you find yourself crumbling to the ground. Your hand's quick to clutch around your chest as you try to inhale. The dramatics of it all made you even more nauseous.

You should've stayed at home.

"Hey, hey, hey..." Emily's cooing, and it seems being out like this has sliced through her tipsy stupor. She's focused just like she would be on any regular sort of day. "I need you to breathe." she instructs, and JJ's crouching down in front of you, brown eyebrows draw inwardly as she takes in your clearly frantic state. Every puff of air that escapes you is tight and sounds like it hurts. You can just barely hear the sound of a commotion taking place inside.

You do hear JJ's quiet exclamation of "I'll stay with her, go check on Hotch and Derek!" before Penelope and Emily are heading back into the packed building. She calls your name, and it takes a while for you to regain your voice. She's devoid of pity, which you appreciate. JJ knew more than anyone how much you hated being seen as a burden, or someone to be sorry for. Pride was a killer. "Can you try and take a deep breath for me?" and it's then you realize your choppy little intakes of air weren't doing you any favors.

It takes a great deal of effort for your vision to be less blurry. Your ears were full of cotton, and your head was swimming. You feel bile again in the back of your throat, and you jerk away from JJ's reach. You feel like you're suffocating, transported away from the random bar in the middle of Virginia, and back to a place you'd fought so hard to escape. You were certain you'd remember that unsub forever. His evil eyes, the way he tried to use your entrails like paint.

You remember how Elle had changed after she'd been attacked by Garner. How she had changed so much that she had no choice but to step away from the Unit. Would that be your life? You didn't want that life, but it was clear you needed something, you needed help. You couldn't focus on anything else, but what had happened. You'd ruined a night out because the act of being cornered was enough to transport you back.

JJ's still peering at you as if she's waiting for you to start panicking, and maybe you were. "I'm sorry." you huff again, and JJ's shaking her head at you.

There's a deep frown etched into her face as she sighs herself. "Stop apologizing." she insists, and your lashes are wet with unshed tears. "You didn't do anything wrong. Those assholes should've never put their hands on you." she proceeds. "You know that don't you?" she continues, and you don't know how to respond, so you don't. JJ reads you like an open book, and she smacks her teeth. "Well now you do." she says this firmly. "And I'm sure Hotch and Morgan are teaching them that lesson right now." you tense up again.

"I didn't mean to ruin the-" JJ's offering you a hard glare that shuts you up. Another bad habit you'd picked up since the incident. You were working on it, trying not to blame yourself for things you didn't cause. "I'm sorry." and this time it's not because of tonight. "I was so nervous about tonight.-" you take in a hiccupped breath. "I just wanted to prove that I could bounce back." you explain, and it's the first insight you've allowed anyone. "I figured if I pretend everything's normal, soon enough it would be, but it's too much." you huff.

"And that's okay." she promises. "What you went through isn't something anyone's expecting you to forget about in a month, alright? It's gonna take time, and there will be days where it'll hurt a lot more, and there will be days where you're feeling like your old self again." she promises. "What you need to understand is that we-" she pauses as you take it in. "are your family." she finishes, and your lips start to twitch, you're not sure if you'll smile or cry.

"I know-" you proceed, and she holds a hand up in front of you.

"Let me finish." she pleads, and you inhale before nodding. "I don't- none of us want a repeat of what happened with Elle." she says quietly. "None of us want to show up to the unit one day and see your badge and gun sitting on your desk." JJ sighs. "So if you ever start feeling anxious, or terrible, or just like you're back... there." and you wince at the mention. "I want you to call me, call one of us. Don't deal with this alone, alright? Not when you don't have to."

JJ hugs you before you have time to respond, but her words sink deep and make you feel warm inside. "Thanks, Jaige." you mumble against her hair. She squeezes you tighter, and you believe it's to make up for her shyer hug earlier.

"You're welcome." she mumbles back, and then she's pulling back. You don't have much respite, Penelope practically tackling you in a hug of her own. You hadn't even realized the rest of the team has left the bar, you were sure the mood of the night was much lower.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Penelope exhales, and you do too, breathing fine again, save for a few hiccups that escaped you every so often. She lets you go after a beat, and you're quick to take a small step back, suddenly feeling anxious once more.

"Yeah, I'm fine now." your eyes meet Derek and Emily's. "Thank you." and you're chuckling quietly as Derek pulls you into his side. He plants a kiss on the top of your head, and you warm inwardly. Spencer does hug you, and it's a shock. One of those hugs that you never take for granted, because it could be a while before you get another. Once he's pulled away you find yourself still hovering, listening quietly as they all decide the night's not over.

You respectfully bow out, you'd had enough for one day. It's then you notice that Hotch is all by himself. You quietly excuse yourself, but you find that they're not really listening now that you were safer. "Are you alright?" you ask, and your voice is very quiet. Hotch looks up from his phone as if he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. You take in his face, and it's clear he's been in some sort of scuffle. Most notable due to the fact he's got blood smeared under his nose.

"I should be asking you that." he retorts, and your eyebrows furrow in.

"Y-You already did." you remind him, eyes darting away. "Why are you over here by yourself?" you shoot off a round of questions, the wind whipping around, and making you crave the comfort of your bed. You maintain a respectful balance, you weren't in any rush to be all up in someone's space.

"I think I've had enough of crowds for the night." he retorts. You don't realize until it's happened though, your hand reaching up to swipe at the blood that's slowly drying on his upper lip.

"Get into a bar fight?" you ask, and you hold your breath for the answer. Hotch looks down at you, and there's this unreadable expression on his face. You realize that this is nothing new. Hotch had never been easy to read, he was one of the greatest profilers you'd ever met, one of the greatest people. But he'd always been an enigma. His emotions were an Alcatraz all on their own.

"You should see the other guy." the classic rebuttal to a question like yours. It doesn't make you smile, mostly because he's not smiling either. "Are you okay?" and he's got you by your wrist, eyes zoned in on the harsh mark the guy from the bar had left behind. "He never should've touched you." his voice lowers, and there's an annoyance attached to his tone. "I'm so sorry." you find yourself huffing.

"You shouldn't have fought him." you say matter-of-factly. Your fists fold up at your sides, your lips pulling down into a frown. "It'll give everyone the wrong idea." you say, and you wrench your hand away from his grasp.

"Everyone?" he repeats, and he looks confused, classic Hotch.

"Me." you correct, "I'll get the wrong idea." you whisper. "I might actually think you like me." you admit quietly.

"We wouldn't want that." he replies, and his tone is far from mocking. You hate that it makes you crack a smile. You hate that he's always the one that manages to get that reaction out of you.

"Hey, are you two coming? We're all heading to Mo's." Emily calls, and you snort at the fact that their alcohol riddled mind had caused them to forget you'd already declined. You take a step away from Hotch, and you hate that you stumble. You were hating a lot of things tonight. Maybe you weren't as sober as you'd thought.

Aaron looks to you as if he's waiting to see your answer before giving his own, and maybe he was. The second you're politely explaining that you're ready to head home, Aaron is offering to drive you. Derek is whistling, Emily and JJ offering you smug little smirks. Penelope is trying to keep herself secured to Earth. "He's gonna take her home." he whispers to no one in particular, and it's a horrid attempt.

"We all heard, babygirl." Derek replies to her, and you find yourself a bit stuck. The thought of spending the eighteen minute car ride with your boss make you want to scream, but you'd taken a cab. Your own car was parked in the driveway of your place. And he doesn't look like he' taking any goodbyes either way. Rounds of goodbye and see you laters are soon offered. "Take care of our girl, Hotch." Derek calls, and you hear Spencer as he starts to rant about Derek's turn-of-phrase.

Our girl. Hotch finds that the words repeat in his head like an obnoxious echo. "Why are you doing this?" you question quietly. "If you're just trying to make up for the whole Agent thing, there's no need." you proceed, and you take a small step back.

"I'm not trying to make up for that." he replies quickly. "But, you're drunk, and you've been through a lot tonight." he reminds you as if you're ditsy or something. "It wouldn't be smart to leave you by yourself." he continues, and he inhales deeply. He watches the way you watch him, like you're unsure, like you're suspicious. "That isn't a testament of whether or not I think you can handle yourself... and neither was fighting that man at the bar." he promises, and you blink.

"No?" you ask, and your tongue feels extra dry. Like you've licked a stripe of sandpaper.

"No." he reaffirms. "You mean a lot to the team. We wouldn't be the same without you." he says this bit like he means it, and you can't find any trace of a lie residing in his face. He does mean it.

"Thank you, Sir." you reply under your breath, exhaling the word. The chill of the night finally gets to you, and you shiver.

"Can I take you home?" he asks, and you know you're reading into it more than you should. You know what he means, what he's really asking, but delusion was healthy every now and again, right?

"Y-Yeah." your head nods, voice wavering slightly as you take hold of the bottom of your dress. "Yes." you say more firmly.

"Okay." you stand there for a few moments more, passing charged glances back and forth. "You never answered my question earlier." is what he says to break the moment. "About how you were doing..." he proceeds. "I've asked you twice, and both times you-"

"Deflected?" you offer, and his head nods. "I guess I'm just scared you'll see right through whatever my answer is." you admit, and you cross your arms, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. "Emily and JJ will at least humor me." you explain. "Penelope won't ask... mostly because she's scared of the answer." you chuckle awkwardly. "Derek and Spence, well I guess they're like you too... but you're here, and they're not... so here we are."

Hotch appraises you for a second, but he doesn't say much else. You're grateful for that, but equal parts annoyed that he wasn't leaping to tell you that you were harder to read than you thought. No such luck. Still, you're surprised when Hotch grabs you by your arm, much gentler than earlier, and he's slowing his stride to be in step with yours. You don't realize you've leaned fully into his side until you feel him tense up. He doesn't say anything though.

A win is a win.

You didn't know much about the inner workings of Aaron Hotchner's mind, but you did know that if he was uncomfortable with your proximity, he would have said so. The walk back to Hotch's car is silent. At least outwardly, inside you were panicking. He opens the passenger side for you, and you imagine a world where this was normal. Where it didn't take you being hit on by sleazy men at a bar to be having these moments with Hotch. But it was impossible.

"Did it hurt?" you ask, once the car is moving. He's adjusted the temperature, a soothing warm pooling from the vents. You're surprised at how quickly he drives, you'd half expected him to be one of those slow as molasses drivers. Hotch looks over at you incredulously, his eyebrows raise, but he doesn't look agitated nor annoyed with you breaking the silence again.

"You'll have to be more specific." he replies, and you hum. You pause for a second, trying to find the right words. At the last second you decide saying it straight would be just as good as anything else.

"Punching that guy?" you ask, and Hotch's lips quirk upwards, he was amused with you. In truth, he had no idea what he was thinking. As soon as the girls had ushered you away, he'd found himself swinging before he could think of the repercussions. All he knew was that you'd sounded scared, you'd sounded unlike yourself in a way that made him angry. Everyone saw how you had changed, the elephant in the room was hard to ignore. But you were trying, he could give you that.

"No." he mumbles, and that likely has a lot to do with the fact that he hasn't come down. He's still on edge, still watching you like you might at any moment start spiraling. "Besides, it was worth it." and he says this a bit under his breath, you hear it all the same. "I doubt he'll try it again." he admits, and you feel liberated. It was nice to have someone fighting for you, fighting the fights you weren't capable of.

"Thanks, Hotch." you hum, and it triggers a yawn.

"Back to Hotch?" he asks, and you look over at him confused. You kick your feet back and forth, careful not to dig your heels into the plush of the car's floor.

"Would you prefer I call you sir?" you ask, and he is tapping on the brake, the car slowly peeling to a stop as you come up on a red light.

"No." he answers sternly. "It's not like you." he admits, and the light is turning green again. He steps lightly on the gas, the car surging forward "Especially if you're only calling me Sir, as payback for me calling you Agent." he says, and even though you had tried your hand at pretending the greeting hadn't bothered you, it was obvious he had read right through you.

"Why'd you do that?" you question and your tone is a lot more clipped than you had intended.

"So it did offend you?" he retorts, and you feel anger flaring up. You swallow this feeling, hands balling up by your side.

"Hotch." you snap, and he smirks fully, eyes back on the road. "Can you be serious, please?" you ask, and you probably sound pitiful.

"The last month I've just been..." he trails off momentarily, and you wonder if he's emotional, or just being dramatic. "I should have known better." he expresses. "I should've been there to make sure that what happened didn't." he says, and you tense up. "He never should have gotten the chance to get close enough to cart you off." he completes his thought, and you're shocked. You never would have guessed Hotch blames himself for what happened to you.

"That wasn't your fault." you promise, and you mean it. You'd never once thought of blaming Hotch for what went down. "You were confident in the plan, you were putting your faith in the team."

"There is a very thin line between confidence and arrogance." He rebuttals instantly. "We got cocky, and you suffered because of it." he looks so destroyed as he says this. "And then you showed up tonight, and tried to pretend everything was fine." he notes as you remain silent. "It just reminded me that we're too close." he tightens his grip on the steering wheel. "The longer you stay in the unit, the more you become numb to the things we see. You start to ignore the signs that you're not alright." he says, and you'd never thought of it that way.

"Hotch..." you exhale.

"I called you Agent to set up a boundary, or at least I tried." he says this like he's beating himself up. "But then I saw the way it hurt you." and he looks ashamed. "And I never want to be someone who does that to you." you're warring with your heart then. "So I wont do it again." he promises, and he looks to you briefly. "I'll call you by your name, I won't deflect." he adds as your mouth drops open just briefly.

"But, it's not right for someone your age to be so closed off. It's not right for you to pretend to be okay just to keep up with the people around you. If you weren't up to being out, you should've stayed home, our opinions don't outweigh your safety." he lectures you. "They never will." he adds a second after, and he's so sure as he says this. He's slowing down, coming up on your place.

Your leg is shaking slightly, that pesky feeling of anxiety creeping back up on you. "We're here." he says under his breath as if you weren't aware. You don't budge, you can't. You have so much to say, but where do you start. Hotch has shut his car off, almost like he too has a lot sitting on the tip of his tongue.

"I just wanted to prove I could handle it." you admit, and you're crying. "I didn't want to be another Gideon or Elle... or Spence." you cringe at the memories. "I didn't want you guys to handle with me with kid gloves. I didn't want you to see me as the girl who needs the kid gloves." you express honestly, and now your tears are falling in quick precession. "I'm sorry..." you swipe at your face. "I don't know why I'm crying, this is so stupid." you hiss at yourself.

"No, it isn't." the response earns him a surprised glance. "It's good... this is good." Hotch is quick to use a hand to swipe at your tears. He hates the sight of them, but loves what they mean. Your heart's still soft, pliable. You haven't fully succumb to the horrors of the job. "Consider this me atoning." he prompts. "You have my ear, say whatever you need to say." he looks over at you again, and seems to mentally backtrack. "If it'll help you." he adds.

You sniffle audibly, hands clenching and unclenching as the car suddenly feels much too hot. "It's not your fault, okay?" you repeat, and you say it with more certainty. "I just need you to know that." you sniffle again, but your tears keep falling, even as you try to blink them away. "Hotch, you're our leader for a reason, and you were there to save me that night, and you were here to save me tonight." you remind him. "I don't want you to pull back, not when I'm finally making some progress with cracking that hard exterior of yours."

Hotch's lips quirk at your words, and he looks down at his lap. "I've never meant to pull back from you." the inflection with the last words sticks. "I thought I was doing right by you... pulling the band aid off before you got in too deep." he says. "But that was wrong of me, I can admit to that. I'm sorry." and his apologies are like kisses. They wash over you, and force you to believe him.

"Don't apologize to me." you plead, "Just promise not to leave me behind, treat me like an outsider again." you continue as his head nods, and you can trust that he's listening.

"I can do that." he promises.

That seems to be the key to unlocking the dam of your emotions. You choke on the feelings, a quiet sob escaping you as you clasp a hand over your mouth. How dramatic, and pathetic, and God awful were all these feelings. But they'd been years in the making, right?

"Are you alright?." he asks under his breath, worry palpable.

"Do you know that the only thing that kept me from losing it that day was you?" you ask, and your boldness won't leave you, clearly it was now or never. "You told me to 'keep breathing'... you said it over and over and over, and I listened." you explain, and he remembers the day too well. "Even though everything hurt like hell, and there was so much blood." you reminisce. "And I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy, but there was this look." you exhale sadly. "This look you had on your face that made me think... 'maybe it's not just me'"

It isn't. He knows that instantly. You've plagued his mind so severely for so long that he can just barely remember a time where you weren't one of the only things he thought about, worried about, cared about. But he had his post to think about, he was the Unit Chief, your boss, your superior. What would the team think? What would Strauss think? Did it matter? In the grand scheme of things, did those worries outweigh his need, his innate desire to see you safe and protected from harm? Absolutely not. So what was the real problem?

"Hotch..." you inhale deeply, voice cracking distractingly as he gives you his full attention. Something you'd dreamed of, wanted more than anything since the first time you'd ever laid eyes on him. "Aaron." you correct, and you breathe again. "I've been thinking of how to say this... i've been rehearsing it over and over again, because I wanted to get it right, and I just knew tonight would be the night I'd have to have the balls to either say it or let it go forever." you admit.

"Say it..." and he's rushing you, but you suppose that's deserved. You were still stalling, dragging this out way more than you needed to.

"I'm in love with you." and it was out there, and you couldn't take it back. You stare him down, worried about his reaction, about how he would respond. "And it took me getting hurt, and being sent home, away from the team for me to realize." you inhale shakily. "I kept having these-these dreams about that night. All these different scenarios about how things could've turned out different, how I could've died had one thing been out of place." you process.

"You're the reason I'm still here, you're the reason why this team can function, and you're the reason why I- why I came tonight even though my anxiety told me it wasn't safe. Because, somehow I knew that as long as you were here... I'd be okay, and I am." you say, and it's a lot, too much maybe. His reaction is hard to read at first, face just as stoic as most times, but his eyes.... his eyes hold the truth. They melt, pools of warm honey dancing in the darkness residing there.

"And it's inappropriate... and wrong... and silly... but- I couldn't go another day without you knowing, without you hearing from me." you explain. "When you came up to the bar tonight I just... I've never felt this way before... lucky, protected, safe.... and-and I'm not asking for anything from you... I'm not expecting something in return, I just wanted to get it out there... I think we both know it's been a long time coming..." and your words are being swallowed as Aaron leans forward. The middle console is a bridge, a roadblock.

It doesn't deter him though, not from using a hand to gently cup your face, mouth slotting against yours as if it belonged there. You're dizzy, shocked, surprised, but you don't let this mess you up. You can't possibly allow anything to mess up this moment. Twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two... the seconds tick by with neither of you moving to break the kiss, hands and tongues and breaths fanning over one another as you get acquainted in the most perfect way.

Still, life dealt lots, and yours consisted of a need for oxygen. It's the only reason why you break apart with heady gasps, eyes dilated and fogged with emotions much too heavy to really explain. "Oh, you can't do that." you explain, and Hotch's bemused, eyebrows raising upwards, as his thumb brushes over your cheekbones.

"I can't?" he asks, and he sounds so much lighter now.

"No, you can't. I'll get the wrong idea, you know." you explain, and he smiles brazenly at your callback to earlier. "I'll actually believe you're in love with me or something." you say, and Hotch is slow as he leans back in, a peck being placed right on your lips as your eyelashes flutter, and your heart beats out of control.

"We can't have that, can we?" he's following your lead with the callback, and your cheek presses into his palm.

"I don't know." you answer, and your voice is faint. "I'm scared this'll be a dream." you proceed as Hotch's eyes scan over your frantic face. "I'll wake up and find out that this was all in my head, and the only memories I get to hold on to are from that night." Hotch's lips purse, head shaking in denial as you inhale shakily.

"No, not this time. an ambitious remark. "This time it's real." he promises. "This time I'm here with you to make sure that all those things you felt that night, and earlier by the bar, are how you keep feeling about me." he answers truly. "I'm here to love you back for as long as you'll have me. Is it alright for me to feel that way?" he asks, and your hand jumps up to keep his squished in place against your face.

"You can feel however you want." you reply, and he laughs, a full blown chuckle escaping him as his face seems to light up like a thousand suns. His eyes glisten, twinkling as he looks down at you, like everything was right in the world. And to him it was. Nothing and nobody could hurt you here.

"Good. Then I choose whatever this between you and I leads to, I choose the feelings that come with that." You smile grows to an almost blinding brightness as you reach across the console to hug him, and pull him into your arms. He's quick as he presses a peck to the top of your head, eyes still dancing over you as if he was seeing you for the first time. And maybe he was, that part wasn't your business, all you knew was that loving Aaron was easy, it could be.

A long time coming, but a wait well worth it. Lucky you.

2K notes · View notes

moongreenlight · 1 year

Text

141 gossiping about Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley for roughly 3,000 words idk titles are hard

Price was the first to notice. Priding himself on being incredibly observant, especially when it came to his boys.

He noticed that whenever they had a break from trainings or meetings, he’d somehow always find the two of you in a room together. Never close enough to give him reason to say anything. You scribbling notes on a patient report at one table, Ghost at another, his chair angled just enough so that he could watch you from the corner of his eye.

Noticed the way Ghost’s hand rested on the small of your back for a heartbeat when you entered a doorway before him. Just a brush of his massive hand on you, quick enough to be mistaken for an accidental touch.

Noticed how Ghost’s eyes seemed to always flick to you from across the mess hall. Not often, but enough for Price to casually turn his head and see that same nurse Ghost seemed to have a preference for.

At first, Price thought he could help by being a wingman of sorts. When Ghost took damage on a mission, Price would escort him to medbay and watch as he dismissed nurse after nurse until you were finally available to treat him. Price lingered as long as he could before you inevitably waved him away, cheekily reminding him you always took good care of his team and that you’d have ‘Lieutenant Riley’ back in no time. The only thing he could catch was the way Ghost’s shoulders relaxed by a hair’s breadth when you drew the curtain shut behind you.

He tried again during a meeting with his boys. Suggesting they bring a medic on a mission with them. Said something about how it would be better to have the option of a patch-up readily available. Keep his team fighting fit in real time instead of having to wait until they came back to base. Price saw the way Ghost tensed slightly in his seat, the muscles in his jaw twitching under his balaclava.

The notion was quickly vetoed. Ghost grumbling something about not wanting to babysit any more than he already does. How it’s ultimately more paperwork he doesn’t want to have to deal with.

He tried once more, going to Ghost’s office one evening. Almost turning tail once he realized how ridiculous it was to be this insistent on figuring out if his Lieutenant had some boyish crush on the sweet nurse he always seemed to be lingering around. But ultimately decided that it was good practice to know more about his team personally. Better bonding meant better interaction on the field, right?

He asked Ghost to redo some paperwork. Add a ‘next of kin’ to his file in the event that something happened and they needed to alert someone. Ghost looked a little suspicious, shrugging off the request.

“Left it off for a reason, Captain.”

He said gruffly, waving a hand. Barely looking up from his desk.

Price pursed his lips, shifting his weight slightly.

“You sure, Simon? Haven’t got anyone that’d be interested to know what happened to you?”

Ghost rubbed the bridge of his nose, like the conversation was more trouble than it was worth, before shrugging once more. Finally looking up from his desk and leaning back slightly in his chair.

“You planning on shipping me off somewhere and not picking me back up?”

A small chuckle from Price. A shake of his head.

“Can’t say I am.”

“Cheers, then. Leave it off.”

This quelled Price’s curiosity for a while, unable to dream up any other reason to try and force Ghost to indulge him. It no doubt hurt his ego a bit, thinking about how his Lieutenant and one of his closest friends was so dead set on keeping his personal life so closely guarded. He’d push the feelings aside, chalk it up to being jaded by his work. Over-involved in the lives of Soap and Gaz. It was probably good for Simon to have something sacred.

Soap wasn’t as easily deterred once he caught on. Not as immediately perceptive as the others, but he knew Ghost well enough to know his tells.

It was after a long mission. Months long. Grueling, shitty, exhausting work. They got back in the early evening, mercifully spared from a debrief until the following day. Soap somehow ended up dragging Ghost to a dive bar a few blocks from base. Trying to sound persuasive when he mentioned that it was a Friday night and they deserved a few drinks and some female attention after all this time going without.

And they did get attention. Two good looking military men sitting at the bar were bound to. Soap knew that Ghost wasn’t one to play the field, but this was a bit frigid even for him. Ignoring girls who came up and tried to strike conversation. Rolling his eyes, or huffing a sigh like it was a chore to even dismiss them, drumming his fingers on the wall of his glass like he’s bored. It was baffling.

What was even more baffling was the way that Ghost’s knee bounced slightly against the stool. An infinitesimally small movement, but the way it caught Johnny’s eye made it seem like Ghost was all but jumping up and down. He looked almost anxious. Itching to get up and leave.

“Fuck’s wrong with you?”

Ghost’s head jerked toward Johnny, cold eyes narrowing in a way that would have been terrifying years ago- before he’d gotten used to it.

“Come again?”

“Got somewhere to be, have you?”

He sounds almost indignant. Like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. Ghost is stand-offish by nature, but this is a caliber he hasn’t yet encountered. Almost enough to be offensive. To make him question the quality of his company.

“Maybe I do. What’s it to you?”

Ghost grumbled, killing the contents of his glass with a final mouthful. Setting it back on the counter and moving to drum his fingers on the bar.

“Been out of the country for months and you expect me to believe you’ve got plans tonight?”

This earned a sigh, low enough to pass as a growl.

“You keeping my social calendar now, then?”

He stood, digging through his wallet for a moment before slapping some cash down on the table next to his empty glass. Not giving Johnny an opportunity to lodge any further complaints against him. Before he nodded his goodnight and slipped out of the bar. Mumbling something about needing to get back to his flat and check on some things.

Soap couldn’t get his mind around it. Ghost was elusive, sure, but again; something seemed off. He was calm, cool, and collected. Wouldn’t be caught dead manifesting his impatience physically. The fidgeting and twitching in his seat. The first place Soap’s mind went was maybe Ghost was dying? That’d be the only reasonable explanation for his behavior. But even then, it seemed a bit extreme.

The next day after the debrief, which was nearly as brutal as the deployment itself, Soap was still so in his head about Ghost’s behavior he almost didn’t notice the pretty nurse who seemed to be waiting for someone at the end of the hall. In fact, he was so stuck in his own mind, he only caught a fleeting glimpse of Ghost’s back rounding the corner with the nurse at his side. Hushed conversation disappearing with them. A softer, much more pleasant voice than Simon’s.

He debated whether or not to follow them, maybe answer the questions that’d been plaguing his mind. Ultimately, he decided in favor of it. Padding down the hall behind the duo who seemed to be headed back to Simon’s office. They weren’t walking closely enough to touch, but Soap immediately picked up on the tension between them. Like the distance was serving some sort of purpose.

Soap lingered in the hallway for a few minutes after the two disappeared into Ghost’s office, trying to sort the pieces of the puzzle he’d barely began collecting. He ultimately decided to go the route he was most comfortable with. Not one for sneaking about, he simply strode up to the office door and swung it open.

You were sat at one of the chairs in front of Simon’s desk, him standing with his arms folded over his chest next to you. Not compromising enough for Johnny’s taste, but he still put on a wide grin and nodded to you.

“Forget how to knock?”

Ghost’s voice was calm enough, but his eyes were shooting daggers straight through Johnny. You looked stiff as a board, chewing the inside of your lip through the tight smile you were giving him.

“Sorry, L.T. Needed to know if you’re still on for trainings this afternoon.”

He didn’t miss the way your eyes flicked to Ghost, communicating something that he couldn’t quite decipher wordlessly before you began studying your nails in your lap.

Ghost cleared his throat, rolling his tongue in his cheek. Growling something obscene under his breath. The agitation rolling off of him in waves.

“No. Got another assignment.”

And with that, Soap was all but thrown from the office. Querying about this ‘new assignment’ the whole way. Simon crowding him to the door until he finally snapped it shut on his nose.

He heard later that day Ghost was seen in medbay with a toolkit swearing at an X-Ray machine that had been giving you trouble for a month. After that, Soap was on the two of you like a fly on shit. Never missing an opportunity to bring you up to Ghost or vise versa. Mock-innocently saying something to Ghost in passing at dinner about you. Asking if he fancied you. When he said no, Johnny shrugged and nodded. Saying he was glad because he had plans to ask you out the next time he was injured.

That comment landed Soap in the bay sooner than expected. Escorting him to a different nurse’s exam area and standing guard the entire time his black eye was being iced. Berating him for not being able to block a few punches when they had sparred after dinner.

And Gaz, sweet boy that he is, was always more emotionally in-tune. Observant about the little things. Able to pick up on queues Soap and Price may have missed over the years. He was keen as he was quiet, keeping all his little discoveries to himself. Over the years, he’d created a small arsenal of moments he wasn’t sure were significant enough to bring up. Things he could have talked himself into imagining if he thought about them hard enough. Not wanting to jump to conclusions about anything.

But he noticed the incredibly subtle tan line on Ghost’s left hand. Noticed the way he tapped his foot impatiently when the debrief after a long deployment ran long. Noticed the way you always seemed to be around the yard when they touched down after a mission. The way your shoulders dropped when you saw all four of them had returned home. Like you had just been relieved the duty of holding up the sky.

He didn’t immediately connect the dots. Initially thinking that you’d just taken a special liking to the task force. They were some of your most frequent visitors, after all. Price had all but claimed you as their own. Specially requesting that you were the only one to patch their wounds, claiming the other nurses couldn’t hold a flame to your skill.

He didn’t mind. Came to enjoy the little chats the two of you had when the curtains around the cot were drawn. The little kikis you had where you chatted about anything and everything. Complaining about your jobs, irritating patients, botched missions, the morsels of gossip from around base.

One day, after a particularly nasty skirmish on a mission, all four of the men had gnarly wounds. You looked a bit more tired than usual. A bit more on-edge. Your answers were a bit more flat than they usually were. So the first part of the assessment was left mostly silent spare for a few soft “thank you’s” on his part.

It was only when you were bandaging a wound on his thigh did he notice the shape of a ring on your left hand under your glove. A thin band that wrapped neatly around your finger.

“Didn’t know you were married, doc.”

It was a passing comment, more just to spare him the agony of trying to hide his soft groans of pain in the thick silence.

You hummed your acknowledgment, focused more on working sutures through his skin neatly than anything else.

“Lucky bloke. Hope he’s good to you.”

It wasn’t flirty or predatory, like so many of the soldiers could be. A genuine thought. He’d always thought you were sweet. Easy to chat with, always offering him a smile and a chirped greeting when the two of you passed in the hall. Thought you deserved someone to share in your kindness.

You smiled, brow still furrowed slightly in your focus while tying off the stitches.

“He does alright.”

You chuckled softly, straightening on your stool and rolling back just slightly so you could meet his eye.

“All these years and you never mentioned. I’m hurt.”

He words came with a practiced ease, slipping back into your usual playful chatter without missing a beat. Flashing a coy grin as he carefully flexed and relaxed his leg. Getting a feel for the newly patched wound.

You rolled the gloves off your hands and tossed them into the bin. Standing from your stool to scribble a few notes on his chart.

“Not something that ever came up.”

“Now it has. He have a name? How long you been together?”

You chuckled once more, looking over your shoulder at him with an arched brow. A little skeptical of his curiosity.

“A good while.”

He noticed the way you evaded his former question, like you’d done it before. It only fueled his curiosity.

“You worried I’ll know him? Or are you embarrassed? Not much of a looker?”

This earned an amused snort from you, turning away from the chart you’d been working on.

“Nothing wrong with wanting to keep my personal life personal, is there?”

You winked at him, pushing open the curtain that divided the small exam area from the rest of the bay.

He made a small sound of protest, making no move to stand from the cot just yet.

“Alright, forget it. Didn’t even want to know anyway.”

He sounded like a child being denied a sweet. Even playing up the act with a small pout on his mouth.

You tutted softly, conjuring up the best mock-sympathetic look you could before motioning for him to stand.

“We’ll talk later. Captain’ll have my hide if I keep you away a moment longer than is necessary.”

Another sound of protest, followed by a throaty groan as he finally pushed up off the bed. Unsure if he was being dramatic or if the aftermath of the mission had truly gotten to him that bad. Always a flare for the dramatics, him.

He muttered his thanks, cupping your shoulder in his hand as he trudged out. Making you promise to have a proper chat with him later.

He lingered in the bay, allowing himself a few moments peace before getting back to work. Just as he finally turned to leave, he saw Ghost moving stiffly- like he was trying to downplay a limp- toward your little exam area. Though for some reason, the scene looked a bit strange to him. He couldn’t help but peek in.

He caught the way you watched him lumber over with big, worried eyes. The way your nails dug into your palms until he was finally within arms reach. The way you quickly glanced around to see if anyone was paying the two of you any attention before your hands flew to his neck, fingers slipping expertly under the hem of his mask and yanking it up over his nose. Not rough or angry, but with the kind of urgency that suggested you may die if you didn’t see a sliver of his skin. Make absolutely certain he was truly there with you.

The most jarring part- Ghost actually allowing you to touch the mask. Allowing your little hands to breach his personal space. Hands that would have easily been dwarfed by his own, swallowed up and twisted or shoved away like he had seen happen so many times in sparring matches with prospect soldiers. But Ghost just let it happen.

It was a flurry of movement, so fast that Gaz was certain he could have blinked and missed it. Frozen watching the two of you from just behind another exam area. Feeling like he was intruding without even meaning to.

And then he saw the way Ghost’s big arms snaked around your waist, drawing you flush to his front. You leaning up onto your toes to bring your face closer to the Lieutenant’s. A fervid kiss. You flinging your arms around his neck. The way your shoulders shook. A small, choked sob that Gaz was all but certain he imagined. Drowned out for everyone else by the sounds of the bay.

He was almost shocked that the world continued to move after that. Shocked that something that seemed so monumental could happen tucked away into your barely private exam area. Shocked that your reunion hadn’t halted time and space for everyone else like it had for the two of you.

He felt dirty. Like he should go up and apologize for lingering and seeing what he saw. But he stayed rooted to the spot, finding it impossible to move.

Truly the most damning part was when he caught the quickest glimpse of your badge just before the curtain was tugged shut. The badge you kept carefully pinned to your uniform face-down for a reason he couldn’t fathom until now. Twisted free for just a moment and finally connecting the snippets of information he’d collected over the years.

(Y/N Riley)

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charliemwrites · 6 months

Text

The long-awaited part 2 for ragdoll!reader.

I’ll be honest, I never intended for there to be another part, so I hope this is alright! I might add more in the future if the worms demand it, but for now let’s consider this the last part. Sorry!

If Price had any optimism that Ragdoll’s reaction to Konig was just a fluke - or perhaps some sort of initial, fleeting interest - he’s quickly proven wrong.

She’s utterly infatuated with him.

Constantly pressing herself close, rubbing her cheek against him and his clothes, bumping her head against his. She chirps and chitters and purrs at him, pupils blown out. Never seems bothered that he has trouble verbally responding; or seems to, though Johnny mentions they might be communicating at a frequency only cat-hybrids can hear.

Price has the briefest notion of keeping them separated. After all, Konig is a big combat placement that doesn’t seem much indulgent of his non-violent instincts. More human than cat - a complete opposite to their sweet companion kitty. It seems inevitable that something goes wrong and someone - likely the 141’s precious girl - gets injured. So naturally they try to keep the hybrids apart.

Try to coordinate schedules to keep her and Konig from passing each other, ending up in the same rooms or at the mess hall together.

It’s futile.

For one, she may be the sweetest little thing around, but she’s still a cat (or cat-hybrid anyway). There’s really no stopping her from going somewhere, especially on a base she’s had free run of for over a year already. Closed doors are blasphemy, and locks are a personal attack against her.

For two, her only job is to be a companion. She is not beholden to most military protocols like rank, SOPs, schedules, or duty. Meaning that, while she usually keeps to the 141’s routines out of desire to be with them, there’s nothing forcing her to follow along. Even as an emotional support placement, she isn’t required to be around them at any time; she always just wants to be. It’s why she’s so good at it.

And finally, mostly importantly here, there’s really just no telling her “no.”

Not with those big eyes that get so watery so fast. That sad curve to her mouth. The fucking mournful cries when she’s been denied and she doesn’t understand why - nor does anyone really have a good reason.

(“He’s twice your size” is apparently not a good reason. Neither is “he could crush your skull in one hand.”)

Worse still, it’s not even that she’s misbehaving as a reason to keep them separated.

While she does present more cat than human in a lot of ways, she understands English perfectly. She can read and even write if needed. Vocalizing human speech is beyond rare, but she has once or twice.

So she knows the hard and fast rules. Understands that she can’t interrupt drills or exercises. That there are regulations for the range should she ever venture out there. That she has to be quiet during briefings. And she does all of this - just while also being as close to Konig as possible.

She sits in the grass or on a perch watching the boys run and call to each other. And as soon as they’re done, she’s up and flitting to his side, head tilting this way and that. She shifts into her full-cat form during briefing to sit on his lap. Even follows him out to the range, lying in the grass next to him with tail swishing and headphones on, while he fires the rifle.

Never mind any free time.

Members of both their teams keep finding them cuddled up together all over the place. In the rec room on a couch, in patches of sun beneath windows, in the grass by the running tracks, even in Konig’s room on base. Most often with Ragdoll lying on him, plumed tail curled around his arm or leg while he rubs her back or ears.

Sometimes they hear him talking to her, low and quiet. She meows back on occasion, but he doesn’t seem to mind the lack of verbal response while he rambles.

And the first time anyone sees them wrestle is nerve-wracking. They hardly make a sound the entire time, rolling around on the floor in a tangle of limbs and fluffy tails. Konig always lets her win - even laughs when she gets her sharp little teeth in his arm. (It’s the first anyone on his team has heard him laugh like that and they’re a bit startled.) The entire 141 pretends not to be on high alert - except Johnny, who watches with ears perked, eyes darting between the two cats.

Price doesn’t know what to make of it. Of course he’s not upset that she’s connected with another hybrid. Johnny is usually the only one on base, and while they’re close, Price knows it probably isn’t the same as her own species.

That she’s so… preoccupied with Konig is, well.

“Is she… ya know…?” Gaz asks at one point.

When Price arches an eyebrow, he makes a vague, nonsensical gesture.

“In heat,” Gaz mumbles awkwardly.

“Shouldn’t be,” Price answers. “She has an implant.”

A hormone implant keeps a hybrid from going into mating cycles or getting pregnant - but it doesn’t stop them from bonding.

Kate is the one to bring up the possibility after speaking to her sister in law. Ragdoll spent time around other cat-hybrids before she was placed with the 141, but never reacted to them like she does to Konig.

It’s confirmed when TF-141 and the KorTac squad deploy for their mission. Ragdoll is near inconsolable. Not actively crying (most of the time) but lethargic and sad, with low appetite and lots of big, long sighs. Her ears never perk more than half-mast for the month they’re gone. Even taking her off-base back to Kate’s sister-in-law for a little while doesn’t seem to help.

The day they come back, she’s the most lively anyone’s seen in a month. Bounces between her four team members incessantly, checking that they’re okay, making little noises in the back of her throat. They happily drop kisses on her head, let her nuzzle up beneath their chins, hug her close. Rub at her ears and squish up her cheeks. Price even picks her up, rubbing his bristly cheek against her temple.

Then Konig steps out.

She wiggles, making a nervous, upset noise. Price sets her down and she bolts into Konig’s arms, crying loudly and pawing at his hood. And to everyone’s shock, he lifts it enough for her to wriggle under with him.

If there was any question that he felt the same way - it’s answered.

#cod #thoughts™️#my writing #fanfiction #ragdoll!reader #siberian mix!konig

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subbmissivesuccubus · 1 year

Text

Be a good girl~

Disclaimer: Contains Daddy kink, Dom Uzui, Sub reader, Rough sex, some humiliation, degradation, size kink, brat taming, spanking, a bit of breeding kink

--------------------------------------------

Uzui didn't know how to explain it, but he's been craving for a bratty submissive to fulfill his desires. Suma, Makio and Hinatsuru were incredible women and he loved them with all his heart, but they weren't interested in being submissive in the bedroom, nor were they fans of rough, kinky sex and Uzui would never ask them to do anything they weren't comfortable with.

But his desire to fold a cutie underneath him and pound her till she was a crying, sobbing, blubbering mess- her ass red from his spankings, makeup running down her face as she begged Uzui to not force more orgasms onto her overstimulated body- wasn't something he could hide. So the four of them came to an agreement. His wives gave him permission to find someone who might scratch that itch for him, who'd be the submissive he needed. And the very day they had that conversation, Uzui met you. A couple of ranks below the Hashira but climbing the ladder pretty quickly, you were a formidable warrior oozing with talent and strength. You were one of the better fights in the corporation and he knew it was only a matter of time before you became a pillar. You were tasked with assisting him on a new mission to track down a dangerous demon. What was supposed to last till sundown was completed within a few hours, you and Uzui making a fantastic team. You tracked down the demon, avoided its traps and tricks and along with Uzui, the two of you cut off it's head. With time to spare and not having any other missions to finish, the two of you took refuge in the Wisteria inn.

After a nice soak at the hot springs, the two of you met up in your room to share some food and drinks. Cups clinked together as you both drank some nice sake, Uzui having convinced you to relax around him for tonight and to just enjoy yourself. Both of you dressed in soft, comfortable yukata's, the vibe quickly turned friendly as the alcohol allowed you to loosed up a bit around him.

"So, are you in a relationship with anyone?" Uzui asked you. "If I was, I wouldn't be in a room with you alone." you retorted. Uzui raised an eyebrow, "I have three wives you know and i'm in this room with you alone." "Oh yeah!" you said, having genuinely forgotten, feeling guilty for some reason, "I shall leave then. This might be seen as inappropriate-"

"Sit back down." Uzui ordered the second he saw you make a move to leave, smiling when you obeyed him, "My wives wouldn't mind. In fact, they've given me permission to pursue a fourth partner if I wanted to. So don't overthink it."

"Oh..." you said, not knowing what to make of that, "If you say so." Your heart skipped a beat over that news. You weren't blind to how ridiculously attractive Uzui was, the man a walking embodiment of sexy. He looked so good in his uniform but here, with his hair let down and wearing a loose Yukata, you had to avert your eyes more than once from his chest.

"So, assuming you had a partner, why did things end?"

"Huh? oh- uh- it's kind of embarrassing..."

"Hmm? Do tell~" Uzui said with a smirk, leaning back on an arm as he nestled his cup of sake in his hand, "I enjoy some gossip."

"Well, he..uh...he was kind of lousy in bed."

"Oh?"

"Yeah- like really bad. I don't think he made me satisfied even once."

"Oh, you poor thing." Uzui cooed as he took a sip, "That sounds frustrating."

"It was." You said with a nod, "Honestly, all the guys I've dated have been the same. And judging from the stories my other friends have told me, they face the same problem. Men just don't know how to please women."

"Well, I don't know what type of guys you've slept with," Uzui said with a smirk, "But I'm happy to say I do not lack in that department. You can't keep three wives without doing a satisfactory job."

"Hah! Yeah right." you said with a laugh, dismissing his brag, "I bet they're faking. Most men fail to satisfy one woman, let alone three."

"Perhaps. But I'm not most men." Uzui said, a twinge of annoyance in his voice over your bratty attitude, "with my stamina, it takes all three of them to drain my balls completely."

You hiccuped at his vulgar words, quickly gathering yourself before he could notice. Perhaps it was the alcohol that was making your bratty side come out, or maybe it was because of how comfortable you were around Uzui now, but either way, you couldn't control your tongue.

"Just because you have big muscles doesn't mean you have a big cock. And even if you do, I bet you don't know how to use it!"

"Oh yeah? And how are you so sure?" Uzui asked, "Pretty little thing like you- you wouldn't be able to last five minutes if I speared you on my dick."

"I bet I could handle you!" You said, hands on your hips, leveling Uzui with a glare.

"Really?" Uzui asked, a twinkle in his eye as he looked you up and down, heart skipping at the idea that he might have found someone to play with already, "You sound confident."

"I am." you said, puffing your chest out, an action Uzui enjoyed ogling at, "I bet I can rock your world and not even break a sweat! and I'd bet you'd not make me cum even once." Uzui laughed, a giant smile on his face before he patted his lap, legs crossed and inviting, "Come and prove it then."

"Wait- really?" you asked, not expecting that response. You were just teasing, hoping to annoy him a bit but- "Sure. Unless, you didn't mean it. Chickening out already?" the Hashira asked.

With a huff, your pride refusing to take a hit, you crawled over to Uzui and sat on his lap, your Yukata bunching a bit around your thighs as you straddled him.

"Feel that?" he asked, hands having a tight grip on your hips as he made you grind down against him. You bit down a squeal as you felt his hardness press against your core, gulping as you could tell how big he was even through the layer of clothing. You tried to keep level-headed, but Uzui could see right through your poor attempts.

"And you know what?" he asked, hands sliding from your hips to your ass, the man taking greedy handfuls of your pump skin as he groped you, making you gasp, "I'm only half hard~"

"L-Liar!" You said, unable to bite your tongue from responding. He already felt so big against you- and he was only halfway there?! Uzui laughed, before saying:

"Yeah? Why don't you check?" the man asked, quickly untying the sash around his Yukata before leaning back a bit on his arms, a look in his eyes that clearly meant he was challenging you. You gulped as the fabric started to move aside, giving you a generous peek of his sculpted torso. A big, wide body with washboard abs and big pecs, you had to stop yourself from drooling.

"What's wrong?" he asked, "Just going to keep looking? I thought you said you could handle me."

"I-I can!" You snapped, your pride not allowing you to back down, "You're so impatient."

Uzui's chuckle made the hairs on the back of your head prick up, a certain darkness to it. "You know, I'm keeping track of all the bratty comments you make. I can't wait till it bites you in the ass~"

"Sh-shut up!"

"That's another one~"

With a huff, you leaned forward against Uzui's leaning body, gulping as you gripped the folds of his yukata and pulled them apart, completely exposing his torso to you. Never being one to be so forward but also refusing to back down, you pressed you face against his neck and kissed it, your soft lips touching his fair skin. Uzui's groan of content could be felt on your lips as you slowly started kissing his body, a hand coming up to run up his abs. You slowly got more and more confident, your tongue peaking out to lick at his collarbone, your hips grinding down harder against his member. But your pride took a hit when Uzui suddenly started chuckling, making you frown and look up and him.

"Something funny?" you asked, annoyed.

"Yes. You. Kissing and touching me like a blushing virgin. Is this what you meant when you said you'd rock my world? Because if so, I'm not impressed."

You scoffed, cheeks heating up in embarrassment, "You- well excuse me for not being a whore like you-"

But before you could finish your sentence, one of Uzui's hand shot up, grabbed the back of your hair and pulled harshly, making you gasp as your neck was suddenly snapped back. "Watch that filthy mouth of yours." he said, cock twitching as he heard your gasps, "I think it's time I teach you who's in charge here."

"Y-you started it!" you gasped out, head paining from how he was pulling your hair, words hard to speak from how your neck was being stretched. Uzui simply clicked his tongue, "Still have an attitude. I'm afraid I don't have the patience to wait for you to move things along." His free hand expertly tugged at the sash of your yukata and ripped it off of you, making you gasp as your body was exposed to him, no time to feel shy as he tugged your head down and met you for a kiss. It was a greedy and feral lip lock, Uzui immediately massaging your tongue with his own, dominating the kiss effortlessly.

Maybe you did bite off more than you could chew.

But damn, if you weren't excited.

"I've been wanting to bend your bratty ass over my knee and teach you a good lesson every since you opened your mouth." Uzui growled as he bit your lower lip, making you yelp, "Telling me you'll rock my world when you blush like a virgin when you grind on my dick- how adorable."

"That's not- I-" you tried to protest, not knowing what you were protesting in the first place.

"Shut up." Uzui said, kissing you again before picking you up with one hand, your legs wrapped around his waist with his hand under your butt. "We're going to the bedroom." he said, easily carrying you towards said room, "It's time I teach you some manners. And remember, five minutes are on the clock."

Uzui got you to cum in three minutes.

Once he threw you on the bed, he ripped your Yukata off, followed by your undergarments, leaving you completely naked. He shrugged off the fabric he had on as well, his cock springing out of its confines and you swear you forgot how to breathe for a second.

How on earth did you have the audacity to joke that his dick wasn't big? It was a monster of a member, long and thick with heavy balls dangling between his legs. You gulped as he crawled onto the bed, looking down at you like a predator stalking its prey. He grabbed your legs and spread them apart, exposing your sex to him. Gripping you on the back of your thighs, he pushed you enough to make your body bend, your cunt exposed to him even more obscenely.

"U-Uzui-san!" you squealed, face red hot at the way he was staring at your cunt.

"Daddy."

"Wha-"

"You're going to call me Daddy." he explained, licking his lips as he leaned down, his mouth inching towards your sex, "and Daddy needs to prepare your tiny pussy to take his fat cock."

And that's how you experienced the fastest orgasm of your life. Within three minutes, Uzui was drinking down your cum, the man's mouth and tongue so expertly pleasuring you, it was a clear loosing battle. He laughed into your cunt as you came, the vibration making your body tremble even more as he ate you out, paying extra attention to your clit as he took the sensitive bud into his mouth and sucked so hard, it almost made you cum again.

Once you were down from your high, once he looked down on you as he wiped your juices off his lips- you knew you were fucked.

"So," he said, picking up the sash of your yukata from where he discarded it before wrapping it a few times around his hand and making a show of pulling it tightly to make a 'crack' sound, "Remember how I mentioned I want to take you over my knee?"

~~~~~

"Say it."

"I- I don't w-want to-"

"Say it or I'll spank you all night."

With a sob, knowing full well he meant it, you had no choice but to relent, swallowing down your pride as you said:

"D-Daddy please stop spanking my n-naughty pussy!"

Head hanging upside down from how you were placed over Uzui's knee, the blood rushing to your ears almost made you miss the way Uzui groaned.

"Is your poor pussy in pain?" he cooed, petting said pussy. It was hot to the touch, your pussy lips dyed a bright red, matching your ass. A man of his word, he spanked you as punishment for your bratty behavior and comments, holding you still as he rained spanks down on your poor butt, your hands tied behind your back, unable to do anything about it. Once he was satisfied with marking up your ass, he spread your legs a bit and started spanking your pussy, laughing at the way you twitched and shook, your cries of pain only making his cock get harder.

He slapped your pussy again, making you squeal. "Answer me."

"Yes! Yes- m-my pussy hurts so much Daddy!"

"Aww, poor baby~" he said, raining tiny pats on your cunt repeatedly, not as hard but still enough to make your body tremble, "have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes Daddy!" you said with zero hesitation.

"Are you going to act like a brat again?"

"I won't, I p-promise! I'll be good-"

"That's my girl," Uzui said, cupping your pussy gently, the warmth of his hand against your sore, red cunt making you gasp, "But we're not done yet. Make sure you keep your promise, alright?"

~~~~~

"U-U-Uzui-s-san! S-slow down p-please!" you squealed, voice jumping as Uzui jack-hammered into you, his hips practically a blur as he pounded your pussy. Fucking you from behind, he ignored your cries as he brought a leg up to better fuck you, laughing at your yelp and the way your pussy clamped around him.

"That's not my name," he growled, the grip he had on your hips bruising as he bashed his cock into your poor cunt, "What's. My. Name?" He spanked your ass three times to put emphasis on his words, your body jumping with each hit. Tears filled your eyes from the burn, no doubt a bright, red hand-print left behind on your already red skin. The burn of Uzui's hips slapping against you took your breath away, your poor spanked ass and pussy not getting a break.

"D-Daddy!" you cried out, eyes rolling to the back of your head as Uzui showed no signs of slowing down- if anything you felt his cock grow bigger inside you- "Daddy please- please- please slow down? P-Please!"

"Shhh, you can take it, right?" Uzui said, snickering as a hand grabbed the back of her head and pushed, smothering your face against the mattress, "Didn't you say you could handle me? Where'd your fight go?"

Your sobs were muffled by the cloth, his grip on your head unrelenting. You gripped the bed-sheets so hard veins were popping out on your hands, hands no longer tied up, your tears soaking into the mattress. The lack of air only made your body get even more sensitive, your pussy clamping down harder against Uzui's fat cock.

"You were such a fucking brat-" Uzui growled, feeling the familiar knot in his abdomen start to tighten, "Talking such big- fuck that's good- such big game! Saying you could take me- but look at you now. Pathetic~"

He gripped your hair and pulled, ignoring your cry of pain as your neck snapped back, your body following the movement until you were upright on your knees, Uzui's firm body pressed against your back. With a laugh, he let go of your hair only to then catch you in a choke-hold. His huge biceps pressed against your neck, restricting your airways, the man snickering at your feeble attempt to grab him. You were held up by his arm around your throat and his cock slamming against you, completely at his mercy, as you were the entire night.

"I like them pathetic~" Uzui growled into your ear before giving your lobe a bite, pulling on it with his teeth, making you squeal. Your face was turning a bright red, your mouth wide open and eyes rolling to the back of your head. The force of his thick member splitting apart your poor pussy combined with the warmth of his body behind you and the tight feeling of his arm against your neck- you never felt like this before:

Completely and utterly fucked.

You had already cum three times, the man fingering you to your orgasm after he spanked you and fucking you to climax out when he stuffed you with his cock.

Being wrong never felt so good.

His hips kept working into you, the slap of his balls against your cunt so obscene, you could still hear it despite the blood flowing around your head. One hand gripping his biceps while the other went back to grab at his thrusting hip, you held on for dear life, thoughts leaving your head as you sunk into a mental state where all you could think about was Uzui.

"Ooh~ That's what I like to see~" Uzui groaned, the expression on your face making his sadistic side purr in happiness. Seeing you completely fucked out and at his mercy- this is what he needed- this is what he craved.

"Fucked the brat right out of you, didn't I?" the man said, reveling in his accomplishment, "What was it you said to me? I can't satisfy one woman, let alone three? Hmm? Hmm?"

With a slap to your thigh, you yelped as Uzui's free hand went between your legs, his rough finger starting to twirl your clit around. "Daddy- no- too sensitive!" you pleaded, body twitching underneath his hold as you felt spikes of pleasurable pain run through you as he toyed with your sensitive bud, "Please- i'm sorry! I'm- ah- sorry!"

"Sorry for what?" Uzui growled, pinching your clit so hard it made you scream, "Be specific you naughty little brat!"

"I'm sorry f-for making fun of you!" you confessed, "Sorry for saying you're not g-good in bed- you're amazing- fuck- ah- ah!"

"All it takes is some cock to get to behave, hmm?" Uzui snarled.

"Daddy- i'm gonna cum- can I cum? Please?" you begged, knowing well from last time that he expected you to ask for permission. "Go ahead." Uzui said, hand working your clit even faster, "Greedy slut. Cumming four times while Daddy hasn't even cum once. You better make it up to me."

He chocked you even harder, veins popping in his muscles as he took your breath away, literally. The lack of air made your body go into overdrive, face red as your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Within seconds, you squirted all over his cock, the first time you ever experienced that, liquid gushing out of your pussy, dripping down both your bodies before seeping into the mattress. Uzui held your trembling body down, letting out a cheeky whistle as his hips didn't relent, fucking your orgasm for every single drop.

"Fuck! That was so fucking hot!" Uzui said with a laugh, "You're going to do that again." You could do nothing as he pushed you back onto the bed, your limbs having no strength to hold you up as you fell flat on your stomach, just lying down on the bed. But that seemed to be what Uzui wanted, the man following you as he lied down on top of you and started fucking you pro bone. You sobbed as his cock somehow went even deeper, slamming against your womb mercilessly. The weight on his body on you coupled with the ravenous feeling of his member fucking you within an inch of your life almost made you black out.

"Daddyyy!" you cried out, tears streaming down your cheeks as your pussy was pounded, "C-Can't cum anymore- please-" You probably said 'please' more time tonight that you had in your entire life. "You think you're done?" Uzui growled, hips not loosing their rhythm as he chased his pleasure, your pussy so wet and hot, he had to focus real hard to not climax immediately. It was only thanks to his training as a demon slayer that he could last this long- his breathing techniques allowing him to delay his orgasm as much as possible. If he was a normal man, no doubt he would have came ages ago. But it was thanks to his trained body that he could keep going which was good, because he wasn't done punishing you.

"No. You're done when I say so, understand?" You sobbed as a response. "You're done when I empty my balls inside this perfect pussy of yours and breed you- got it?" "Y-Yes Daddy." "That's a good girl. Don't pass out on me now, alright? I'll keep fucking you anyway."

~~~~~

You woke up the next morning, every inch of your body in pain and sore, especially your pussy which took load after load of Uzui's cum. You lost count how many times you came, the rest of the night being a blur and you remembered nothing but him breeding you. At some point he caught you in a mating press and fucked you so hard you swore you temporarily blacked out, waking up only to feel him fill your womb up again.

You sat up on the bed, looking to the side and scoffed at your reflection in the nearby mirror. You looked like a mess. Exhaustion was clear on your face, your eyes sunken from the tears you cried, hair a mess and your naked body littered with bite marks and hickies. You looked at your partner, the man looking the complete opposite. Silky white hair draped over his pillow, his skin clear and glowing with a soft smile on his handsome face.

You had an urge to smack his pretty face, annoyed at how much he wrecked your body despite the fact that you enjoyed every second of it. He truly brought out something in you and it was scary- but damn it was fun.

Deciding to listen to your intrusive thoughts, you raised your hand up to smack him, when he suddenly opened his eyes, greeted to the image of you with your hand raised. Thinking quickly on your feet, you gulped and blinked your eyes as you slowly brought your hand down to cup his cheek lovingly, rubbing it sweetly like that was your plan all along.

"...Because I wrecked your body last night, I'll let this slide." Uzui said, grasping your hand with his own before placing a gentle kiss on it, "But I won't be so nice next time."

"So there's gonna be a next time?" you asked with a smile, plopping down against his broad chest.

"Of course." Uzui said, running a gentle hand through your hair, "You belong to Daddy now."

#subby writes #kimetsu no yaiba smut #uzui tengen #tengen uzui #uzui smut #kny uzui #uzui x reader #demon slayer uzui #uzui tengen smut #tengen uzui smut #demon slayer smut #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu smut

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k8martins · 3 months

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˗ˏˋ ˎˊ˗ but i’m a cheerleader! 𒀭

summary: cheerleader!reader secretly crushes on kate martin, but thinks she hates her until they share a hotel at an away game

warnings: 18+, smut w plot, enemies to lovers if u squint

a/n: i hope i snapped with this one it took forever and i also hope y’all get the reference w the title…

——————————————————————————

the cheer team huddled together to chant one last “go hawks” before practice was over, and the gym was then handed over to the women’s basketball team. they always managed to come in as soon as you were done, not wasting a moment of their practice; especially because they had a highly anticipated away game the next day. the team quickly flooded the court, ready to begin stretches.

you hurriedly picked up your water bottle and began walking off the court, bustling through the basketball girls. just mere steps from being out of their way, you bumped shoulders with one athlete in particular. it happened to be a girl named kate, who seemed to have a bit of a problem with you for no good reason. any jab she took at you, she said it with a confusing smile.

“aren’t you guys done yet,” kate sneered looking back at you, her expression a mix of irritation and laughter.

deciding not to engage, you continued walking forward, although kate’s comment embarrassingly made your stomach flip. she goes out of her way to chirp at you, but looks so good doing it.

“what’s her problem?” your teammate asked as she caught up to you.

shaking your head you told her, “i don’t know, we don’t even know each other that much.”

“well coach gave us our hotel details and we’re sharing a hotel with them tomorrow,” she informed, looking intently with concern.

you shot her a look with your eyebrows furrowed, “really?”

“yeah… if you run into her i swear to god,” your teammate huffed.

“it’s fine,” you said quickly, trying not to appear flustered at the thought of being in the same hotel as kate for a night.

walking into the locker room, your teammate looked at you like you were crazy, “fine? girl, kate borderline bullies you.”

laughing at her comment, you found yourself defending kate.

“‘bullying’ is a bit dramatic.”

“whatever,” and your teammate let it go.

———————————————————————-

the hotel was nothing special; a hilton in the middle of nowhere with assigned roommates. carrying in heavy bags was never easy, and they felt even heavier knowing that the basketball team was in the same building. as you walked into your room, all you could think about was kate. your teammates were ready to fight her, but all you wanted was to “accidentally” run into her. but for your friends’ sake, you played along with the hateful agenda.

“did we only get one room key?” your roommate asked.

you looked around the room, seeing only the one in your hand, “ummm i think so.”

sighing, she asked you to go back down to the lobby to get another room key. you agreed, making your way to the elevator and into the lobby. approaching the front desk, you noticed the basketball team’s bus had arrived. forcing yourself to look away from the girls exiting the bus and coming inside, you stepped up to the receptionist.

“hey can i get an extra room key for room num-“

you immediately stopped your words at the sound of the other athletes entering the lobby, loudly chatting and rolling their luggage.

“um...room 701 please,” you finished, taking the key from the receptionist and keeping your eyes away from the front doors. the effort to not see or be reminded of kate was in vain, for a familiar voice started from behind you.

“oh look who it is,” kate said to her friend, just loud enough for you to hear.

kate and her friend continued walking towards the elevators giggling about nothing, although she took one last glance at you from behind. she was not slick at all. you bit your tongue and approached the elevators, being too close for comfort to kate. the basketball girls took up both elevators, and you watched as they both filled and left you waiting for the next one alongside kate and one other random man. your stomach dropped at the unfortunate cutoff, knowing kate was going to take advantage of the moment.

out of the corner of your eye you saw kate staring at you. trying to suppress your breathing picking up, you prayed she would just say something, anything. sometimes you tried to deny you liked her, but it was times like these when your feelings for kate were only further confirmed. you felt your face grow hot.

“what are you so nervous for,” kate smirked.

you sighed out of annoyance and to catch your breath. facing her eye to eye, you probably looked like a deer in headlights. you tried to read her face, looking for something other than coldness, and you did find something every time you held the courage to look her in the eye. kate’s eyes glimmered as she waited for a response.

“just focusing on the game tomorrow,” you mumbled, half lying. maybe more than half.

kate shook her head, blowing air out of her nose with a light chuckle. the elevator door opened. you kept your head down and walked in, sensing kate following behind you. of course.

standing on opposite sides of the elevator, it was almost like you felt a magnetic force towards her. your mind raced, fantasizing about all the dirty things you’ve wanted for so long. the tension was thick. kate shamelessly stepped an inch closer to you, knowing exactly what she was doing.

“you know i’m just messing with you, right?”

you irritably side eyed her, no longer afraid to speak as long as she kept trying you.

“oh i’m just supposed to know that?”

kate pressed the “7” button and looked back at you, waiting for you to tell her your floor number. you rolled your eyes and shifted uncomfortably. it almost wasn’t surprising.

“we’re on the same damn floor,” you said, crossing your arms. your heart began beating even faster.

kate scoffed, her jaw dropping and turning into a dumb smile.

“no way,” she said, inching even closer to you, “what room number?” her arm was nearly touching yours and your breath hitched.

“why would i tell you that?”

she hummed as if she was thinking, and boldly shot back, “cause maybe i could get you in my room before the trip’s over.” she looked back at you, still with a knowing smile. you couldn’t hold back as a smile crept up your face, immediately looking the other way.

“yeah right,” you chirped, blushing wildly. your arms fell to your side.

“im just saying. you look so cute in that skirt of yours.”

“shut up,” you murmured.

it was like she was trying to make you pass out. the image of kate removing your black and yellow cheer skirt appeared in your mind, the tension now growing nearly unbearable. however, the elevator finally came to a stop on the seventh floor. with her hands propped on the rail behind her, kate brushed her hand against yours as she left the elevator. you followed behind her, but not too close. before walking opposite ways down the hall, kate couldn’t just let you have the last word.

“im serious, cheerleader.” kate raised her eyebrows, looking you up and down.

“we’ll see what happens.” —————————————————————————————————

the next day, iowa had won the basketball game 93-87. you cheered harder than before, with your eye on kate the entire game. if someone scored, you didn’t even notice unless it was kate. she made sure to lock eyes with you several times, whether you were taking a break on the floor or doing your latest routine. the way she held eye contact told you what you needed to know.

back at the hotel, everyone had to pack their things and move out. there wasn’t even enough time to change out of your uniform, as it was the exact time the hotel ordered guests to leave. you were turning around the corner of the hall when you heard someone call your name. whipping your head around, it was exactly who you had been waiting for.

kate wasted no time grabbing you by the wrist and leading you towards her room, no words needed. you smiled and bit your lip, only hoping that your teammates wouldn’t see you with her and ruin the moment. just as you were getting to kate’s room, you heard your coach yell a reminder.

“all cheerleaders on the cheer team must be in the lobby in less than five minutes,” your coach yelled from down and around the hall.

you stopped in your track in kate’s doorway, your mouth hung slightly open and adrenaline running.

“what are you doing, hurry come in,” kate urged.

“but i’m a cheerleader,” you said out of breath, starting to worry. if anyone cared, it was not kate.

“i know that, now come on,” kate now grabbing you by the hand.

she practically slammed the door shut, swiftly locking it. as soon as the door closed, you were pushed against the wall in a desperate kiss. kate couldn’t keep her hands off you, and immediately ran them up and down your waist. your back arched at the instant touch from kate, inevitably pushing your hips into hers. there was no way kate was going to spend less than five minutes with you. between kate’s kisses and words, she did not hold back.

“you’re so...fuckin’ sexy...” she breathlessly said, biting your bottom lip.

you moaned and grasped her hair that was now debris of a braided ponytail, eager for all of her. you both knew time was limited, and suddenly kate picked you up and put you down on the edge of the bed, only breaking the kiss to get on her knees. she placed her hands on each of your knees and looked up at you with her big blue eyes for approval. you nodded hurriedly, whispering for her to be quick. you began trying to remove your skirt, but kate’s hand flew to your wrist to push it away.

“keep it on baby,” she urged, simply pushing your skirt up. the tips of her fingers quickly found the lining of your panties, bringing them down and off your legs. it was like she disregarded your begs to be fast, because she took her time kissing the inside of your thighs and rubbing her hands on your waist. her kisses were intoxicating and she hadn’t even done anything yet. you threw your head back, desperate for more. kate agonizingly rubbed slow circles over your wetness, making you whimper and buck your hips up. she thoroughly enjoyed teasing you.

“you’ve been wanting me to fuck you for awhile, hmm? you damn near soaked your underwear baby.” kate’s words alone could’ve made you finish, her smooth voice echoing in your head as you screwed your eyes shut.

“kate, please...” you moaned out, “we’re gonna b-be la-“

as much as kate would’ve loved to keep you waiting, she moved on and plunged two fingers into your core. anything you could’ve said was cut off by the sensation of her long fingers fucking in and out of you, hitting your g spot every time. your stomach tensed and you almost screamed, but muffled it to a mere whimper. kate continued using her fingers with an unrelenting pace, keeping her face close to your heat.

“you gotta be quiet, princess,” kate said from between your thighs, although she truly didn’t care if anyone heard.

“you’re s-such an asshole,” you breathed.

“am i?”

kate’s tongue found your clit, circling it with perfect pressure and speed. it grew harder to stay quiet as your legs began to shake at kate’s combination of tongue and fingers. you hated how she treated you back at practice, but all the snarky things she said were quickly forgotten with the knot building up in your stomach. the pleasure grew greater and greater, not being able to help your legs closing around kate’s head.

“keep your legs open babe.”

you moaned feverishly at her words and the unforgiving pace she kept on your aching core. grasping at her hair, you were sure you were going to explode.

“kate i can’t take it,” you whimpered.

“yes you can,” kate said huskily against your pussy.

tears of pleasure began forming at the corners of your eyes, some spilling out. you cried that you were close, and kate gave you permission to let go. waves of pleasure rippled through your body as you released on her face, each exhale coming out as a moan.

“that’s it,” kate mumbled as she talked you through it, riding you out of your orgasm. your head was spinning and your core still throbbing when kate put your panties and shorts back on, wiping your tears away. she stood up in front of you.

“kate they’re gonna know,” you said looking up at her with your fucked out eyes.

she simply kissed you in response, a softer kiss this time. your lips were still puffy and tinging with slight pain from making out.

“here lemme...” kate mumbled as she began lifting you up from the bed. your legs felt weak as you stood next to her. when you tried to walk, you burst out laughing.

“i cant believe we just did that, kate look how i’m walking!”

“you’re fine, now let’s go,” kate giggled.

#kate martin #wnba #las vegas aces #wbb #kate martin x reader #kate martin fic #kate martin fluff #kate martin smut #kate martin edit #kate martin fanfic

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maxwell-grant · 4 months

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There's a trend people have pointed out in superhero stories over the past 20 or so years that is the death of "regular" supporting casts, an increasing absence of un-powered sidekicks or people involved who aren't in the thick of the action or in the hero's secret. Everyone who interacts with superheroes is a couple issues away from becoming one, every story involves a supervillain encounter or several dozen, every hero's gotta have a lunchbox-ready "superhero family" made from these characters, and every side character that doesn't join them is either going to die or become a supervillain.

The defining example people use for this is Spider-Man's supporting cast, with every Spider-Man cast member short of Aunt May and J Jonah Jameson getting some kind of powered upgrade or symbiote, and I'm gonna say Amanda Waller is an excellent case study of how this kind of thing happens, and I think it helps to explain why Amanda Waller has been, Like That, for the past 30 years.

She’s wearing a grey shirt underneath a blue blazer and it’s tucked into a similarly blue skirt that stops at mid calf. She reminds me of the neighbourhood aunties I used to see leaving for church every Sunday morning.

My mom used to say that you are the company you keep. So what kind of person does it take to keep a variety of bruised, battered, and dangerous personalities in check? - Amanda Waller: DC's Most Terrifying Woman

To those of you who haven't read John Ostrander and Kim Yale's Suicide Squad, there once was a time where Amanda Waller was something more than a powerful antagonistic force able to butt heads with the biggest superheroes, and something other than a heartless establishment face out to make superheroes miserable for ill-defined reasons. Structurally speaking, Suicide Squad is a comic about marginal DCU characters forced to deal with actual real life problems, and it's central character is a marginalized person forced to deal with DCU problems and characters. The members of the Squad are a rolling parade of costumed misfits and maniacs assigned to go around the globe to fight and kill and die on dirty missions to deal with dirty laundry and stop war zones from erupting, while Amanda Waller is forced to shuffle around her cadre of D-list supervillains and disgraced superheroes and get into stand-offs with secret spy societies, living nukes, voodoo cartels, and Batman.

Amanda Waller neither looks nor acts like the kind of character that stars in a superhero comic, and she is the central character throughout the 66 issues of the run and we follow her character arc from beginning to end as she's forced to spin plates to accomplish her goals and prevent bad situations from getting worse. She is the most fully realized character in the run and everything rests on her shoulders. We spend a lot of time inside her head, her team, her associates, she is the center holding together an extremely chaotic book with no two characters on the same page. She is, and has to be, an extremely powerful person, someone who stands her ground no matter what, an unbeatable force of will because that is the only way she's going to survive the situations she's in, the only way she can be "The Wall", the kind of person who can repel Batman, command a platoon of monsters, talk her way out of Deadshot's contract, someone who can stare at Darkseid and credibly threaten the President into letting her live.

That's the part that everyone is more or less familiar. But there is, or at least used to be, much more to Amanda Waller than just being The Wall, not in the least because being The Wall is also hampering her effectiveness as well as straight up killing her.

"Amanda's toughness has taken her a long way" "It's taken her as far as it can. But it can't take her no further. It's actually starting to drag her down. I'm scared for my baby sister, rev - scared that the anger in her is congealing into hate." - Suicide Squad #31

We get to know her backstory, her plans, her points of contention with the system, her relationships with people around her, and how deeply she cares about things and people even as she sends them to the meatgrinder. From the start we learn that Waller staffs her team with people she's prone to getting into disagreements with, like Simon LaGrieve and Rick Flag, specifically so they can cover her moral blind spots and pick up the slack in emotional intelligence she's lacking, be the heroes that she can't afford to be. It is unspeakably crucial that the Squad is led by Rick Flag as well as Bronze Tiger, a fallen hero who owes Waller for his recovery who eventually takes Flag's baton. Waller stands up for her team, gets into fights with her superiors when they decide to terminate them, and takes the fall for them when necessary. Waller is a person who does Bad Things - but she is not a Bad Person.

The book in no uncertain terms frames the Suicide Squad's existence as monstrous in a scale Waller doesn't understand until the very end, and it digs deep into the unethical things Waller has to allow for and perpetrate in order to keep it running no matter how many lives it saves, and she spends the first half of the book on a downward spiral. But then there's the 2nd half of the book:

In the first 39 issues, Amanda’s flaws are her undoing. As she pushes away the people she hired to act as a balance, she grasped tighter and tighter to her uncompromised vision of the Suicide Squad despite the constant changes and derailment. Her choices had consequences: the death of Rick Flag, her demotion, employees quitting, and finally, the disbandment of the team.

The last 27 issues have Amanda rising up from the ashes after a year in jail. She’s less in her own way – she communicates, her anger isn’t driving her, she’s more receptive of alternative perspective and recognizes when she’s wrong in real time – but she’s still just as scary.

Waller rebuilds her relationships with the people she drove away, takes a different tack to how the team works, and starts going out into the frontlines with the Squad. She brings Oracle (who actually made her debut in this comic) into the fold, saves her life and plays a big role in Barbara making progress in overcoming her Joker trauma. She genuinely puts in the work to improve as a person and do things a better way than before, even if there is an inescapable immorality to the very existence of the Squad and what they do. That immorality never goes away, and it only further horrifies her when learning how badly her project has gone. In fact, it's that very inescapable immorality that ends her arc.

She learns that the CIA has started using a new Suicide Squad to support a brutal regime in South America, and when faced with the full extent of her complicity in Western imperialism? She decides right then and there to end the Suicide Squad for good after they liberate the population of said regime from said Squad. She is the only person who gives a shit about the country enough to start the assignment for free once she knows about it, force the Squad along, lead the mission in field, and personally (and even gently) usher the villain to his death at the end, to end what began with her.

She does bad things, and she does good things. She cares about people, and she uses people. Her decisions ruin as well as save the world. She spins a million plates to match wills and wits with the strongest, wickedest, most cunning humans and superhumans alike, and she still has superiors to answer to and people close to her she hires to judge her for what she does. She endured racism and misogyny and poverty for decades and rode whatever she could to attain as much power over her own life as someone like her could possibly attain, and to have it, she must be a willing tool of the state and bend the knee to Ronald Reagan, the man she derides for what he did to her community, hating every minute of it.

She lost her family to sexual and racial violence, and now she wrangles a penal battalion comprised of some of the worst people on the planet to inflict violence on her orders. She has saved and redeemed people, and she's haunted by the corpses she's left in her wake. She is oppressed and oppressor, someone who could only escape the ravages of American imperialism by becoming one of it's chief enforcers, and still she rebuilds herself into a better person from it upon confronting and challenging her role in it. She is not a bad person, she is not a good person either, she is just afforded a degree of agency and complexity unpowered characters in superhero books simply don't get.

Okay cool, now what is she up to these days?

That, I guess. That is what a strong but unpowered person who does not allow themselves to be bossed around by superheroes or supervillains looks like now. Everytime there's a call for a military bad guy, Waller gets tagged in to be DC's Henry Gyrich. There was a point where Waller was made to contrast the likes of Sarge Steel and Wade Eiling, someone who butted heads with them because she was a well-meaning person working for and committing evil as often as she attempted to stop it. These days, the most consistent beat with her is that she is the most dangerous person alive and worse than the villains she wrangles into working for her. She is a thing to be overcome, a hypocrite to be exposed, a challenge to the natural order of the universe, and she is too terrific at it to be shuffled off quietly. She is a Bad Person and so everything she says and does is Bad (and thus can be ignored).

Integral to Suicide Squad's structure was the fact that Waller was the center holding everything together, the ultimate third party: spinning plates working with, for and against all of the others so she can bend rules and be bent by them. Bent, but never broken, because The Wall doesn't break, others break first. Waller was a one-of-a-kind character, and that broke her, because beating Sarge Steel and Wade Eiling at their own game means replacing Sarge Steel and Wade Eiling. Waller doesn't look like them, she doesn't look like the superheroes either, and so she can't be one of them. She can't even look like herself a lot of the time, they try to slim her up everytime they think they can get away with it.

Suicide Squad was preoccupied with exploring a perspective from a world outside the superhero worldview, but we no longer have her perspective or that of people around her, we only know her through the superheroes she inherently defies and has had an adversarial relationship against from day one. She is someone with a viewpoint that is charitable to neither superheroes nor institutions, and thus, the universe is increasingly less sympathetic to her, the less utility she has to the grander narrative where everyone has to pick between one of two options. If she wasn't powerful and assertive, she'd be another Leslie Thompkins, another Jiminy Cricket the heroes passively ignore. But because she is powerful and doing morally compromised things without asking Batman's permission, she must have a personal grudge. She must be a government monster. She must attack the superheroes for no reason, no ideology, no motive.

So now she's just The Wall 24/7, the mean icy establishment boot who is strong and clever and cruel and hates superheroes and wants to destroy superheroes and rule the world from the shadows. Everything she does is a fuck-up she refuses to take responsability for, everyone is right to hate and distrust mean old Waller, and now everyone gets to look good by dunking on her. They couldn't make her a superhero, so they made her a generic supervillain instead. And now that she's a bad guy, she no longer has to believe anything, she doesn't really have to mean anything, they don't have to write stories about something other than superheroes and supervillains, and they don't have to let a fat woman of color take up space and screentime they could be giving to Harley Quinn and Slade Wilson instead.

Even by the time of Waller's debut on the tail end of the 80s, her career opportunities were on their way to extinction

Days Of Future Past marks the triumph of the superhero comic that's pretty much concerned with no-one but superheroes. Where Ditko and Lee's Spider-Man featured a single costumed crimefighter in the context of a commonplace existence, the X-Men of the 80s focused on a huge cast of mutants who had little if any lasting involvement in the everyday world.

By the 21st century, the corporate superhero comic would largely - if not exclusively - concern itself with little beyond a large class of superhumans and their fantastical existence. I suspect there's a significant correlation between that and the continuing cultural peripherilisation of the superhero comic - Colin Smith

Amanda Waller is one of the strongest characters in all of comics, she was as powerful as an non-superpowered character given center stage could possibly be, a perfectly designed character from which an entire corner of a shared universe was developed out of with her as the center making it work, but as the room for civilian casts and unpowered protagonists got smaller and smaller, so did Waller's options. If she was a Spider-Man character and somehow didn't get killed or made into a villain, they would have slimmed her up and given her a symbiote, because you're nobody unless you're web-swinging. Characters didn't look or act like Amanda Waller, and unfortunately, they still don't. It's just instead of making more characters like her, they gutted Waller to be more like the rest. If she couldn't make it, who else even could.

Keep your eyes peeled for this summer when she'll team up with two meaningless robot baddies to burn down the Justice League and I guess the universe for the next reboot or something.

#superheroes #dc comics #suicide squad #amanda waller #john ostrander #kim yale #dcu #dc #comic books #superhero comics

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diejager · 10 months

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Ok but like what about Wendigo reader? Maybe the team knows she's not exactly human but maybe in her file it just marked n/a and leaves it at that so they just assume that their sweet little medic is just a helpful spirit of some kind. Humans tend to give her a very wide birth since they seem to notice her as something they should leave the fuck alone, the boys just assume it's because of them always being near her and leave it at that. Till they're all on a mission and it all goes to shit, they're pinned down and then one of them ends up taking a bullet and reader just straight up fuckin losses it and next thing they know their is a 10 ft tall fuckin deer monster shredding bitches like their made of PAPER MACHE and EATING THEM, once the dust settles it moves towards them and slowly it shifts into their sweet medic but she is covered in blood and she just casually starts treating their wounds and the team is just like "Well mark me down as scared and horny" (if this makes no sense feel free to ignore)

Stag

Pairing: Monster 141 + Horangi & König x Wendigo!reader

Cw: cannibalism, human eating, greed, blood, canon-typical violence, tell me if I missed any. Wc: 2k (A/N): I felt a bit burnt out so I’m sorry if it’s bad, I reread it just in case, but it still feels bad.

They say that human greed is the source of evil, the all-consuming hunger for more —more than they need. Hunger drives humans to do the unspeakable, to break the line humanity had drawn and commit the taboo. Despite it being carved so deeply into the human psyche, passed down from generation to generation and the propaganda of humanism and equality, it doesn’t take much to make someone tip over, cross the edge nobody dared to and perform the unspeakable. Possession causes needs and needs cause greed.

That’s why people called to him for help, to carry out a clandestine mission to do their dirty work, his duty was to stop whatever men in power started, whatever men in power lost control —he was the one sent when they were scared. Fear was as coercive as power was. That was the reason Task Force 141 was first founded, to stop dangerous men like Hassan (Gaz remembered hearing from Soap that Ghost shot Hassan through the head, straight through him before he slumped down.) and Makarov, a man they were still searching for while signing a liaison contract with KorTac. Price, with Laswell’s help, managed to put the best of the best together: a wraith, a werewolf, a dragon, a harpy, a nagual and a cadejos vessel, all decorated with various medals for their work, and then there was you.

You were a mystery, even to Price who usually had clearance for anyone who joined them. Gaz knew, from a single glance, that you were far from human, you were a monster like Ghost was, turned after an occasion, or a hybrid like him. Surprisingly, Ghost seemed to welcome you warmly, albeit standoffish, having worked with you in the past, seeing that you both preferred working alone. Gaz wanted to show you the same heartwarming welcome as Ghost had, but there was something about you, an uneasiness he felt when he was around you. The others felt it as well, the innate need to keep their distance from you and the instinctual fear that had the hairs on their arms raised. Gaz could feel your eyes whenever you stared at him, like the eyes of a predator stalking its prey —it made him feel perturbed.

You seemed so human, yet so inhuman-like, your dull, thousand-yard stare, your inability to feel temperature (either cold or warm, you always wore the same clothes), your odd habits and your unusual calmness in every situation. Gaz had caught you staring at a private for much longer than what people considered normal, eyes glazed over and dilated as if you were seeing something else, daydreaming while being aware of your surroundings. Those were your moments, you were usually bubbly, always smiling at him whenever his eyes met yours or treating him with gentleness and always eager to help him. You had a softness to your being despite the eerie feel to you and your unique tendencies, you didn’t discriminate, nor did you show an ounce of hate towards hybrids and humans, treating everyone fairly.

Although you tried to fit in as best as you could, there were things that Gaz and the others just couldn’t shake off without questioning things. There was the lingering scent of blood on you, a metallic tang that stuck on his tongue after you walked by. König and Soap had confessed that they had a feeling that blood was a part of your scent, unwashable and impossible to hide, it clung to you like a second skin. They chalked it up to you being the Task Force’s medic, having brought people back from the brink of death and stitching men back together, you were practically bathed in the smell of blood and death every day.

Another thought was that they never saw you in the Mess hall for food, perhaps a cup of tea or a hot mug of coffee to boost you through a long shift in the infirmary as the base’s main medic if you weren’t deployed with them. Gaz never saw you eat, not once had he seen you hold a plate or bowl with substance for yourself. You would bring either of them a plate, caring for them whenever they were under your watch, giving them soup or anything that they could easily digest.

Gaz, Soap, Rudy and Horangi would chatter about you, throwing speculations on your breed, to see what hybrid or monster fit all your characteristics. You couldn’t be a wraith, your hands weren’t painted with death, a dark miasma that clung to you. You weren’t a werewolf, Soap would know, wolves were able to smell and recognize each other, it was an instinctual aspect of him. You weren’t any shifting hybrid either, there would be signs, little cues if you were one, and your classification wouldn’t be classified, painted over with a red line.

All they could was wonder and amble around with curiosity dripping from their tongues. Gaz was sure that he’d find out soon enough, whether it was an accident or your choice.

This wasn’t what Gaz meant by eventually, he didn’t mean being set up by Konni, a trap planted for them in the small Belgium town. It was the best set to box them in, a broken and ransacked ghost town that people fled from, walls greyed and cracked, the paint peeling off street lights and rusted metal poles, lost, forgotten and open. There didn’t have any cover, even if they ran and hid behind the crumbling walls, Konni had them surrounded on every end, concealed behind concrete walls and using the shadows to hide from sight.

It was chaotic, Konni had pushed them into an open area of the town, the centrepiece of it with a dilapidated, Greek fountain, chipped on the sides and green with mould, Gaz would’ve admired the architecture and the beauty it must’ve been in the past when it was still being cared for. They were backed up in a corner, Gaz couldn’t even stretch his wings out with how tightly they were packed together, the uncomfortable pull of his trapezius and the strain in his limbs kept him grounded. The tension was thick, palpable, Gaz could taste it in the air as much as anyone could, their shoulders tense, fingers tapping the trigger of their rifles. All they could do was wait for Konni to act first, to see where they would appear from and work their way out of this open area from there.

He had his back towards you, he couldn’t see you but he could feel you shake. It might’ve been from the adrenaline pumping through your veins or the nerve of being lied to, of falling into a trap when Ghost had voiced his suspicions about the lack of clearer intel. They were paying for their amateurism. He felt you shudder, breath stuttering, near panting with exhaustion. Gaz wanted to turn to you, words soothing your nerves and twitchy appearance, he acted letting drown in your mind, whatever it was, he hated it. His finger twitched on the trigger, jolting at the sudden crack of bones, an ugly and painful sound that made him wince. It shocked everyone, even the ever so silent and stoic Ghost who had a hard time hearing these cracks coming from you.

Damn this mission; damn the trap; damn this situation, Gaz needed to look at you, to see why your bones were breaking and limbs rattling. Instinctively, his wings shifted to cover you, the ends widening to cover your sides to protect you from whatever pained you, yet you didn’t let out a single squeak, no moan of pain or the grunt of suffering, you were silent. A part of his mind nagged at him to move, he could fly and try to outrun Konni mercenaries to find a way out, but then he’d leave your back open. He cursed lowly, teeth sinking into his lower lip in frustration, he was-

A loud screech thundered through the air, and screams and squelches followed it. You were missing.

You were shaking just a second ago, body wracked with some unknown ailment and the next, you were missing, your sack, attire, rifle and helmet were scattered on the ground, with a bony creature tearing through Konni ranks. The hair on his neck rose, an uneasy feeling overtaking him as he watched the creature rip men in half, tines stabbing through their torso like a buck fighting another, head lowered and antlers pointed forward. He watched the tall and thin monster move around, its face was one of a deer’s skull, eaten clean of skin and flesh, any muscle or fibre gone with whatever transformation it took. A crown of antler adorned its head, tall and imposing, as pale as its skull, a coat of black fur was wrapped around the neck, draping down the back like a ridge of fur.

“Fuck,” Gaz hissed, his body moving along the chaos the being created and your disappearance, he aimed his rifle and shot at the Russians who ran out of their hiding, fearful of the monster’s sudden arrival behind their ranks. “Captain! Is that-?”

“Don’t know anymore!” Price seemed to be as lost as Gaz was, reining in his confusion to focus on taking Konni out. “Keep your head in the game, Gaz; ask questions later.”

Gaz knew Price was right, the town was brimming with Russian ultranationalists, hiding and waiting for their time to jump at them. The situation was still chaotic, but it was better than being without cover. Gaz followed Horangi behind a wall, watching his back while they worked through the humans.

Somehow, Konni either retreated or were all dead, swallowed down by the beast that stood before them. Now that Gaz was standing so close to it - to you, after a few minutes of talking back and forth, they concluded that this was you from the pants that hung from your slim hips - he could see that the deer skull was just a mask covering your face, black and unidentifiable with those bright, gleaming eyes that stared down at him. Despite your curved back, bent to look at them, you towered over everyone, even König seemed small beside you, limbs almost as long as you, fingers tipped with blood that you were still licking off, a long tongue wrapped around your digit to clean yourself from blood, muscle and guts.

You were casually cleaning yourself up like a cat washing, even in the aircraft, you were gorging on the body of a man you picked up, jaw opening to show them the dozen of teeth before you clamped down on the forearm, tearing into the muscle with famished intent. None of them could take their eyes off you, their sweet, smiley medic who sometimes had their moments, devouring a man without batting an eye, obliviously uncaring of their staring. Gaz wasn’t sure if he knew how he felt, a warmth building up in his chest, a heat that seared into the fibres of his beings like an infectious thing. All they did was watch you eat, no one speaking until you finished your meal.

“Mind tell us what happened, Hunter?”

You perked up, blinking at Price owlishly, tongue lolling out to lick up the stray drop of blood that stuck on your skull’s teeth. Your chest rumbled, a soft growl rolling off your body while you tilted your head, you acted so much like a feline, grooming, reacting and moving like a curious cat, dangerous, yet so appealing.

“Wendigo,” you rasped, voice breathy and weak, you spoke in broken English, unable to speak fluently after turning, “Curse, eat human.”

Your little mannerism, the small tilt of your head and your fumbling hands, seemingly embarrassed or ashamed after your show of ruthless hunger and savagery was… eye-opening. Something stewed inside him, your being creating a ripple in his heart, pulling at the hunger in the depth of his gut. He was torn by the fear of having you as the potential enemy and the arousal of seeing you break men in half, painting the ground in crimson and guts, and satiating your hunger - craving - with human and monster flesh.

Gaz was fucked, both in the head and the situation.

Taglist: @craxy-person @crowbird @dead-cipher @iwannabealocalcryptid @iizx7y @mxtokko @yeetusspagheetus @capricorn-anon @perfectus-in-morte @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @tallmanlover @distracteddragoness @vxnilla-hxrddrugs @konigsblog @havoc973 @angelcakes-22 @cassiecasluciluce @ramadiiiisme @ramblingsofachaoticthinker @ki-cant-spel @im-making-an-effort @love-dove-noora @jinxxangel13 @daisychainsinknots @0alk0msan @mul-pi @danielle143 @virginalsacrifice

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sweetbans29 · 4 months

Text

It’s Not You, It’s Them - CC

Pairing: Caitlin Clark x Reader

Summary: You hide your parents from Caitlin (based on THIS request)

Warnings: slight (maybe a little more than slight) angst, mentions of verbal abuse, SUPPORTIVE CC, a happy ending (because we all need it)

Word Count: 3.2k

Sweetbans Masterlist

AN:

Caitlin is the light of your life. She has been since the first day that you met her. The friendship that was built between the two of you is one that has kept you going even when everything else in the world seemed to be working against you.

The two of you met freshman year during summer training - your high school had conditioning days to help get everyone into shape before their respective seasons or pre-seasons.

You had been talking to the soccer coach and they encouraged you to go to training, talking about how varsity was very promising for your freshman year. You were one of three freshmen that they were looking at joining the varsity team.

Caitlin was one of the other girls they were looking at. The two of you were some of the first people to show up on the first day, immediately hitting it off and talking about how competitive you both are. The two of you spent the latter part of the summer suffering through training together. You thought Caitlin was insane for playing both basketball and soccer at the same time but seeing how much she enjoyed playing the game, it made sense.

She made the transition into high school bearable. Your freshman year the two of you spent most of your time at school - either in the classroom or on the field. You learned that having her as a teammate was the best possible outcome that you could have ever had.

It was the summer going into sophomore year when the two of you spent pretty much every day at her house. The two of you would keep up with your training so once pre-season workouts started you wouldn't die like the summer before.

That summer was one of the best summers you have ever had - most of it was because you spent it at hers and didn't have to be home. It was also the best because, after a night of deep life conversations, you admitted your feelings for the girl. To your delight, she reciprocated them and the two of you started dating that summer.

During the school year, you would always go watch her play basketball when you weren't both on the field for soccer. And any time the two of you hung out, it would either be doing something out and about or at Caitlin's.

It wasn't until the end of sophomore year that Caitlin questioned why she hadn't met your parents yet.

Your soccer team made it to State and it was the talk of the town. It was the first time the girl's soccer team had made it and for the championship game, the whole school was going to support.

Up to this point, Caitlin hasn't said much but knowing how excited and proud you were for this game she decided to test the waters.

"Hey babe, I have a question for you," She says as the two of you are walking out of practice.

"What's up?" You ask as you are trying to make sure your bag is closed as you juggle carrying everything you need to bring home before the game.

"Why is it whenever we hang out, it is always at my house? You have gotten to know my parents and you know they absolutely love you but I haven't met yours yet?" She asks. In her mind, the reason you haven't introduced her to them is because you were ashamed of her in some way.

You see how her shoulders slump a little and how disappointment lingers on her face. It makes you stop dead in your tracks and she stops but doesn't look at you.

You turn to face her but her eyes don't meet yours. You try to get her to look at you but she keeps avoiding your gaze.

"Hey, hey. Look at me Cait." You say as your bag comes to the ground and your hand comes up to her arm, forcing her to stay facing you. She finally gives in and makes eye contact with you.

"My parents would love you." You say. "They are just super busy all the time. I barely see them." You don't know if now is the time to dive into the whole story as to why you spend so much time at her house and not at home. Ever since you have gotten to high school - you did everything in your power to stay away from home which was easy to do with all the events and extracurriculars. You never wanted to get in their way since they made it very known any time you did.

"I just thought it was because of me or that we are dating or something like that," she says, avoiding your gaze again. "I know some parents are as supportive of the relationship we have."

"Oh babe, that's not it, I promise. When the opportunity presents itself I will introduce you. It is just hard when they are so busy." You say reassuring your girl.

Caitlin trusts you. She knows how much you love her already and has no doubts that you want her. It is just hard at times when Cait sees how much her family loves you and wants that to be reciprocated with your parents. She knows you spend most of your time at hers, whether it be after practice or spending the night but it would be nice to be able to see your home.

Cait also knows how you look for them in the crowd during games but never says anything. It is the polar opposite of her family who is at every one of her games - even pre-season. You never bring it up, nor does Cait, but she notices.

The championship game was no different. In the first half, she noticed how your eyes would scan the crowd in hopes of seeing them there. It isn't until after your team has won that hope fades from your eyes as you are congratulated by everyone except the two people who should be there. Caitlin almost misses the tears that threaten to fall from your eyes as her parents come up with flowers and a poster for you. She doesn't say anything but takes note.

You told yourselves that if your parents couldn't get themselves to come to one of the biggest games of your career thus far, then you would truly stay out of their way and just bear what you needed before heading to college.

The next time Caitlin brings it up is during junior year when she offers to pick you up for a date and you turn her down, saying you will meet her at hers.

Caitlin pushes it and insists on picking you up, suggesting that the two of you spend the night at your house this time since her parents will be throwing a dinner party with their friends.

You tell her that they can't stay yours because your parents have a project that they are working on and have taken over the house.

Cait doesn't cave and continues to bug you about it which is the cause of your first fight.

The two of you don't end up going out due to being frustrated with one another. Caitlin doesn't understand why she can't go to your house since the two of you have been together for almost two years at this point and she still hasn't met your parents. You on the other hand don’t know why Caitlin pushes so hard when everything is perfectly fine the way it is currently.

You rarely talk about your parents or home life and for good reason. You didn't lie when you said your parents were always busy but it also wasn't the complete truth.

The relationship with your parents changed drastically when your family moved to Des Moines, IA. Before the move, you were one big happy family. Your parents were super involved in school events and they were always supporting you in sports. But then your dad's job had you moving to a new city and pulling your family away from its community and everything shifted.

Your mom fell into a major depression - taking away from her being a mother. Your dad was always busy with work, making sure to provide for your family. This left you to have to fend for yourself. As you grew up you realized that the less of a burden you were the happier your parents were. They began to enjoy life again but the second you needed something or pulled them from the life that they began building without you - it was like all hell broke loose. They changed from being their happier selves and treated you like you weren't even wanted anymore.

It wasn't hard to see that your parents enjoyed life better without you so you decided to be the least of a burden as you could. Staying out late so they wouldn't have to see you and leaving really early. The less they saw you the less you had to deal with the verbal abuse.

That is why you worked so hard in school and in your sport. You needed an out and didn't want to give them any reason for them to say no. Although knowing your dad, he would pay for you to go whenever you wanted as long as it was far away. But you didn't want to owe him anything. So you poured yourself into your academics and soccer, making yourself one of the top recruits for college.

Caitlin and you made up shortly after the fight, both apologizing for what was said. The two of you decided that your relationship with each other was more important than your relationships with others.

It isn't until senior year that it comes up again but in a very different way than you would have expected.

It is signing day for seniors and you and Caitlin were both signing to Iowa to play your respective sports. Cait dropped soccer going into her junior year as basketball became her main sport. She verbally committed to the University of Iowa that year and you verbally committed to be a Hawkeye for soccer just a few months later. But today is the day the school sets up an assembly where you physically sign your papers.

Your parents are coming to the assembly, knowing the only reason they were there is because it was mandatory for them to be there. If it didn't involve you leaving, they wouldn't give it the time of day.

You are nervous as this would be the first time they are in the same building as Caitlin and her family. You know Caitlin's parents will be amazing, they always are, but for yours - you have no idea how they would react.

They know you have been dating a girl named Caitlin for a while now but never asked you about it. They could honestly care less, which is saying something considering their care for you was almost nonexistent.

You are sitting at the table, listening to your coach's speech on how proud your school is to have you go to the University of Iowa on a full scholarship to play soccer.

The ceremony ends and you see your parents talking with your principal who is showing them what they need to do. Before you know it, you see them walking out - without even a hello to you.

You run them as they walk out of the gym, catching them right on the other side of the door.

"Hey, you weren't even going to come and say hi?" You say as they just stand there looking at you. "I have a few people I want to introduce you to."

Little to your knowledge, Caitlin had run after you when she saw you go after your parents. She stopped when she heard you saying that you wanted to introduce them to people. She stayed on the other side of the gym door listening.

"You know we don't care about meeting anyone - the only reason we are here is because we were required to be in order to get you to leave come the fall." Your father says.

"This is already cutting into work day and the last thing we need is for you to take more of our time." Your mother says.

"It takes two seconds for you to meet them, that's it." You try and ration with them knowing it will only make things worse. But this is the closest you have ever been to making this happen and you know how much Caitlin wanted this.

"Oh trust us, there is no reason they would want to meet us, we have nothing to say about you.” Your mother says. "You have already caused us this headache of having to come out, now asking us to be social with people we care about less than we care about you. You should know us better than that by now to know we just don't care at all."

You swallow the anger and pain that is rising in your chest.

"Oh and about your senior night," your father begins. "Your principal mentioned that we should be there to walk you down the field but that doesn't seem important. Don't expect us to be there."

"Actually, if you could, make sure you are packed and moved out right after graduation. You're 18 and will be out of school therefore you are no longer our problem." Your mother says and it feels like you have just been stabbed in the chest.

Not that it came as a surprise to you but you didn't know where you would go or how begin to begin explaining this to Caitlin.

You just stare at them, not trusting your voice and they walk away.

You take the time you need to compose yourself - thinking through all the possibilities of where you could go after graduation. You feel like you have just been hit by a truck.

Caitlin, on the other side of the door, is now in tears. She is crying for you and hearing the words your own parents said to you. She is crying for all the times she has pushed you, trying to meet them or go and spend time at your house when really you were just protecting her from them. She is crying because she feels guilty for having such loving parents when yours are the polar opposite.

Cait knows you would be extremely embarrassed if you knew she had just heard the way your parents were talking to you so she gathers herself to the best of her ability and makes her way to her mom. Her mom notices how her little girl has broken down and asks what's wrong.

"They are terrible Mom, absolutely terrible," Caitlin begins. "They aren't going to her senior night. I doubt if they will go to her graduation and they are kicking her out the day after we graduate. How can someone's parents be so hateful towards their own child?" Caitlin is now sobbing in her mom's arms.

You finally collect yourself and enter the gym again. As you do you see Caitlin and her mom walk out. You head over to her dad as the plan was to head out to get a meal after the signing.

"Where did Cait go?" You ask as you take a seat next to him.

"Oh I think they just went to the restroom, they should be back right back," he says and you start a conversation with Caitlin's brother.

Caitlin's mom takes her out to calm her down. And they begin to plan how Caitlin and her family can help support you as your family fails to do so.

The next few days, you spend a lot of time at Caitlin's. You don't say why and Caitlin doesn't dare ask, already knowing. You don't tell her about your parents not going to your senior night, not wanting to cause any drama but as it rapidly approaches you dread it.

It wouldn't the first time a players parents were there, but you know for sure you would be the only one this season who walks out alone. Caitlin will be in the crowd and that is all that you need.

Your team gets ready and makes their way out to the field, excited to greet their parents. You are talking with some teammates as they begin to line you girls up.

The way they decided to do this senior night was by calling players by position and then finishing with captains. You would be going third to last - being the first captain called. It eases you a little knowing you will not be the last person on the field with no one walking to meet you in the center of the field.

The ceremony begins and they start calling girls names. You cheer on all of your teammates, holding your breath as you are the next one up.

Your eyes are closed as your head is down. An exhale escapes you as you hear your name called. What you heard next, gave you whiplash with how fast your head flew up.

"Our first team captain going to play for the University of Iowa on a full ride is met by parents Brent and Anne!"

Your eyes fill with tears, falling freely as you see them walk their way to meet you in the center of the field. As you walk you realize they called Caitlin's parents your own. In the seconds it takes you to walk to them, you reflect on how they have loved you and cared for you as their own. Even more so when Caitlin and you told them that you were dating. They had chosen to be your family not only in this moment, but over the last four years.

They meet you in the middle of the court, both are holding flowers for you. Caitlin's mom envelopes you into a hug and you melt into her, savoring the love of a mother's hug.

"We may not have raised you, but you are a part of this family. Today, tomorrow and always. We love you, baby," Anne says as she releases you and uses her sleeves to dry your tears.

You step over and hug Brent.

"We are so proud of you," he says with a smile. "We can't wait to watch you lead the Hawkeyes to the NCAA college cup."

You all walk down and they shake the hands of your coaches. Each one of your coaches has some sort of idea of what your parents are like thank Brent and Anne for showing up for you.

You later learn that one of your closer coaches would have walked out to greet you if the Clark's hadn't asked to do so. You don’t know how but you are incredibly thankful someone was watching out for you - a literally angel.

That night you lead your team to victory, scoring 3 goals, one of them in the last few seconds going into the half putting your team in the lead. The win was a sweet one to top off the night, not that you needed anything else to make this night better.

At the end of the game - Caitlin finds you on the field and you immediately pull her into a hug.

She holds you.

"Doesn't matter what the case, doesn't matter where you are. I got you babe. I've always got you." Caitlin says not letting you go, she refuses to let you go first and will hold you as long as you need.

AN: I hope this did your prompt justice, I thought it was cute. Let me know what you think! And as always, thank you for your love and support 🤍

#caitlin clark #caitlin clark imagine #caitlin clark x reader #caitlin clark concepts #caitlin clark masterlist #cc

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caitlinsclark · 2 months

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BRIDGING THE GAP caitlin clark caitlin clark x reader | summary: caitlin can't seem to play nice with the newest rookie. based on this request and this request. ✰ bree's notes: I think this is my favorite fic beside casual so far omg.. enjoy my loves! ✰ part of my 500 follower celebration! word count: 3.0k masterlist and tag list

You and Caitlin had tried time and time again to click as friends, but it seemed that you couldn’t even click as teammates first. You’d been drafted to Fever a few rounds after her and your worries about playing with the girl were confirmed when her egocentric personality seemed to carry over off the court as well.

Her gameplay was extremely selfish at best, even if it was objectively good. You could acknowledge that she was impressive with the ball and had a good handle, but that didn’t mean she always deserved to have possession of it.

The budding resentment of what started as a few quick bitter quips seemed to come to a head during one of your first games, a win but a rough one at that.

The team wasn’t melded together yet and it showed on the court as you played like 5 individual players, not a team. Or a better way to describe it, one player and four alternates in case she got blocked by defense.

You and Caitlin hadn’t had many conversations prior to being drafted, but the world had already decided to pit you against one another despite your same team status.

As two women in the same year of the WNBA draft, people had flocked to negatively comparing you to the ‘great Caitlin Clark’. You’d never even claimed to be as good as her, but people prompted that claim on their own, arguing as to why you were more flawed than their princess.

So you weren’t surprised when your pent up frustration started to break through during one of her “ego streaks” as you called it.

“Great teamwork, ladies,” Caitlin had cheered and it set something off in you, because that was not a demonstration of teamwork. As a lover of the game, you couldn’t rely on one team member to win the game the way you all had been forced to.

“Teamwork? You hogged the ball the entire last half!” You pointed out upon making it back to the locker room, unable to just enjoy the win, “I was open for a pass ninety percent of the time and you still took the shot every opportunity.” Your words weren't meant to argumentative, just somewhat disappointed.

The girls all sighed, glancing at one another knowingly as the two voices of their teammates began to grow defensive. This was a reoccurrence that would eventually lead to them locking you guys in a room, but for now it was simply a small nuisance.

Caitlin had a smirk on her face at your frustration, feeding off the fire you ignited, “Because I knew I could make it when I shot.” Her arrogance wasn’t for show, it seemed genuine. And it bothered you to no end that she seemed to purposely miss the point.

The fact that she seemed to believe you couldn't make it struck a nerve. You had never given her a reason to doubt your abilities, yet she continued to.

“And you missed.” You corrected, matching her smugness, “Won’t be hearing all about your logo three’s all over ESPN, oh boo hoo and the world still spun.” A deadpanned expression took over your face.

The brunette remained as confident as ever, “And yet we still got a win.” She shrugged carelessly, not bothered by your words yet.

“A win for the team?” You’d questioned thoughtfully, “or a win for you?”

And you’d got her, because at the end of the day she still felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Caitlin hadn’t been ready to integrate into the dynamics of not being the best player on the court.

You were proven right when the opposite had happened, she played an awful game yet the team still won. That nagging voice in her head that said it wasn’t enough because she hadn’t played well.

You’d accurately called her out, she wasn’t ready to give up the control that she got comfortable with in her college career. And you weren’t ready to back down and give her any control at all. The animosity had slowly built up over time, stubbornness was your enemy, stopping you from bridging that gap that grew over time and insults exchanged.

That’s what had you sitting at the celebratory team dinner, uncharacteristically silent as you were put across from Caitlin. The tension was palpable and took up a suffocating amount of the table.

Even Caitlin’s date had caught on to the overwhelming glares that the brunette had been staring at you with, something so intense that it could’ve been mistaken for lust.

You had excused yourself to go to the bathroom, feeling yourself turn red under the amount of attention that had been targeted at you since the start. Fanning yourself lightly, you entered the stall.

“Dude, the girls she brought along. Oh my god, they’re so hot,” You heard the familiar voice of Caitlin’s date from underneath the stall next to you. Normally Caitlin’s name would make you tune out the following words, but you kept listening.

“I don’t know anything about basketball but these girls are so fine, dude. I think I picked the wrong one to go after, I gotta make a new move.”

The words shocked you, not holding any sort of joking factor, as if she were bringing up a previous conversation based on fact.

You were washing your hands when she exited the stall, you expected even a look of shock or some kind of indication that she knew she had been caught.

But she simply washed her hands, sent you a friendly smile, and made her way out of the bathroom with a smug grin. And you knew that bitch was under the impression that you’d let her walk away without a word.

Weighing your options, you could stay quiet and let Caitlin get her karma for all the times her arrogance blinded her from the facts right in front of her. Or you could risk an awkward tension and try to appeal to the humanistic side of her. You snorted at your own thoughts, her and an existing “humanistic side”, comical.

Your feet carried you back to the table where all your friends resided, then Caitlin and her date. The blonde who had spent the night clung to Caitlin had her back turned, talking to Aliyah with zeroed in attention. You scoffed at the sight of Caitlin sitting silently, tapping her fingers on the table as she only listened.

“So, Debra,” You folded your hands under your chin and turned your body to face the girl Caitlin came with. You had captured the attention of the whole table, and that was your goal.

“Demi,” She corrected hesitantly, glancing at Caitlin in the side of her eye uncomfortably and you couldn’t help but give a smug grin at the rattled look on her face.

The brunette across from you was burning holes into your head as she attempted to figure out what game you could be playing. You were always an instigator after all.

You ignored the glare from Caitlin, determined in questioning the blonde beside her, “What’s your favorite WNBA team?”

The way she gave your teammates a flirty grin had you ill, “Fever.”

You gave her a faux friendly smile, “Beside Fever, of course?”

The rest of the team looked to her for an answer, expecting an enthusiastic one considering she had raved about how big of a fan she was of the WNBA, all while clinging to Caitlin’s arm earlier. You’d rolled your eyes when she showered the brunette in compliments that lacked any real knowledge of the game. If you were gonna compliment a great player, at least mention her accomplishments. You’d bitterly thought to yourself as you ran over a hundred other better things to compliment Caitlin on.

Debra, Demi, whatever she was, she looked like a fish out of water anyway at the simple question, she didn’t need a name.

Her eyes narrowed at you, but everyone else at the table sat back amused. Beside Caitlin who was more focused on your interrogating than her date’s answering.

“I really like that Statue of Liberty team.”

You watched in a sick form of satisfaction as Caitlin’s face fell, a slight groan leaving her mouth. Jackpot.

The entire table went silent and you felt NaLyssa grip your arm with a tightness that required so much control to stop yourselves from laughing.

You nodded, your lips unable to stop from tilting up as you spoke, “Yeah, I love that one. Go Statue of Liberty.” You raised your glass in a cheer, chugging it down after.

The brunette athlete stood up from the table with an attitude that caught everyone’s attention, pivoting and beelining for the bathroom.

You stood up in a moment of frustration and followed her, feeling the urge to prove she had no right to get angry at you. The alcohol coursing through your veins had a little bit of an encouraging push to confront it.

You grabbed Caitlin’s arm as she passed you to go into the bathroom, ignoring the disgust (sparks) you felt when you made skin to skin contact.

Her eyes ran over your features, refusing to be the first to speak. You hated that you let your glance own trail over her face too, but she was hot when she was mad. You were stubborn, not blind.

“You need to tell that bench hopper to get out of here,” Your approach wasn’t amazing in your drunken haze but it was spoken with a genuine honesty, “She was just in the bathroom saying she ‘made the wrong choice’ about which player she came here with.”

You knew the two of you didn’t get along, that there was animosity when you tried to talk. But you figured the same way you had respect for her, she had respect for you deep down.

You weren’t expecting Caitlin to scoff in amusement, in fact it somewhat hurt the lengths she’d go to not believe you.

She wiped the tears underneath her eyes dramatically, formed from her laughter, “Are you sure you couldn’t handle someone actually complimenting me? Is it exhausting not having the spotlight?”

“You’re the one who can’t live without it,” You reminded with a roll of your eyes and crossed arms, frustration building up at her ignorance, “But really? You think I’m making this up to take you away from your date? What would that gain me?”

Caitlin shrugged like there was no other option, “You’re a loud mouth when it comes to critiquing everything about my game, wouldn’t surprise me if it extended to my love life too.” She herself knew the words were a weak connection as she said them, but something in her pushed against you defiantly no matter the topic. A need to keep the conversation going to keep your attention, even if it was an argument.

“Oh my god,” You laughed incredulously, turning your back to her, “I can’t wait for you to realize how dumb you sound.”

The end of the argument came easier than it normally did and left Caitlin standing alone by the door. She couldn’t pinpoint why part of her felt empty at the way you conceded, the way you didn’t care to ignite the fire further and entertain her back.

Caitlin just felt like an asshole when it was her hopelessly lighting a match to a burnt out flame.

You hadn’t returned to the table, in fact you went to sit outside and get some air just to get away from her. Caitlin tried to keep her eyes on Debra, fuck Demi. God, she rolled her eyes as you managed to still mess with her head all the way from outside.

Though her eyes continued to fall naturally back on your figure on the curb in front of the restaurant, protectively to make sure you were still there when she had looked away.

NaLyssa, Aliyah, and Lexie had done more talking to her date than she had by the end of the night, resulting in a very awkward goodbye. Caitlin practically brushed the girl off, waving goodbye when she left without a promise of calling again.

The athletes still sat at the table, all trying their best not to stare at Caitlin as she almost ogled you unknowingly. The tall girl was fidgeting with her ring, mind running a million miles an hour as she processed the fact that you were right, about everything.

“You’ve spent more time staring at her than you did with your date,” Aliyah said to Caitlin gently, pointing out something that she was too scared to do herself.

The brunette sighed and looked at her friends who all had similar expressions, “She tried to warn me. About Debra.” The name didn’t even feel necessary to correct this time, but Caitlin still cringed at her own slip up.

“Now, I wonder why she would do that,” Lexie gasped and turned her head toward Caitlin’s other teammates who dramatically followed in suit, “No idea, why would she worry about someone using you? Or get passionate about you not thinking she was equal? Or get upset over-“ The girls continued spewing off the many instances where you two had gotten caught in a fit of passion to argue.

The pale girl had no choice but to groan, knowing that the girls were right. And she tried to ignore their cheers as she swallowed her pride, and entire drink, and walked outside where you sat.

“She was using me.” Caitlin sat net to you on the curb slowly, the street lights casting a glow over her face. You tried not to internalize the fact that this was the closest the two of you had ever gotten.

“I heard her talking to someone else as she left, you were right.”

Her slumped shoulders and big sigh formed a tell tale sign of admitting defeat, waving a white flag between your competitive bodies.

After calming down significantly by sitting outside, you couldn’t help but feel bad for the brunette who was just going along with her heart at the end of the day.

But you couldn’t help but remind her one last time, “Told you.” The words didn’t hold their usual taunting or ego that they normally would during your bickering.

Caitlin allowed herself to laugh, and you allowed yourself to admire her while she did so, “Yeah, you did.” She shook her head disappointedly, her eyes seeming far away as she stared out at the lights.

You’d never heard her agree with you in such defeat, it wasn’t as satisfying as you expected it to be. You expected to jump up and down at the revelation, but how it was invoked didn’t settle correctly within you.

“I’m not happy that I was right,” You voiced, laying your cheek on your folded up knees to look at her instead. There was a lightness in the air and in your voice that Caitlin wanted to bottle up and save for when it disappeared.

Caitlin rose her eyebrows playfully at you, a much more lighthearted environment that neither of you had explored with another before.

Her voice carried a level of shock that seemed real, “Really? I thought you’d be all too ready to write it and date the time I was wrong in your ‘I Hate Caitlin’ journal.”

Her elbow hit your side teasingly and you found yourself feeling free enough to genuinely laugh in her presence, a kind of relief you hadn’t experienced before.

“Nah,” you waved off, matching her tone, “You don’t admit you’re wrong enough to need a full journal, maybe an index card.”

And where she’d normally get offended, she couldn’t help but bark out a laugh again, leaning onto you in a way that felt surprisingly normal.

You didn’t shy away from it, in fact reputable sources (your teammates watching like it was a movie from inside) might’ve said they saw you lean right back into her.

“I don’t think I could do well with someone who fed my ego like that anyway,” She played off as she leaned back on her hands, muscles flexing unintentionally, “I like girls who keep me in check, knock my ego down a little.”

You shook your head knowingly, smirking at the ground, “I wonder where you could find such a loud mouth like that.” The reference to earlier made you both look away shyly.

“You’re an amazing player,” Caitlin voiced and you didn’t have it in you to question where it’d come from. You were too busy flustered under her praise. You’d whispered a small ‘Thank you’ that she cherished and decided she’d do anything to hear again. Even if it meant swallowing her ego and tearing down herself to compliment you.

“Am I really a huge ball hog?” Caitlin dared to ask in the rare serenity of your presence, hoping to get a genuine answer this time. You giggled as you looked at her, she couldn’t control her own smile as she looked back.

“Yeah, kinda.” You clapped your hands together as you shook with laughter, enjoying the filterless conversation that didn’t seem to have consequences. You might’ve even said you liked talking to her this way.

She let her head fall forward in mock defeat, “Yeah, I am.” She agreed, allowing herself to be the butt of the joke but her shaking shoulders as she giggled told you she didn’t mind. And it made her so much more attractive in your eyes.

You stopped to lay your hand on her shoulder, a touch she tried to solidify the feeling of in her memory, “But what you do while being a ball hog is pretty impressive sometimes.” The small teasing smile returned, but Caitlin didn’t mind this time.

Your hand slid down her arm in a soft caress, finding a resting place on her hand.

The two of you sat on the curb side by side, glimmering city lights representing a bright and hopeful new beginning. Not only as teammates, but maybe even more. Connected by your hands, a new bridge between the gap in your opposing personalities.

And she couldn’t help but ponder how a single compliment from you meant more than the stream of compliments she’d gotten from her date that night.

TAGLIST! @lovermcres @glorioushamsterqueen @miedmead @blueagle45 @pbloverr @cavillary @elizabethkitley @1-800-fantasy @into-f0lkl0re @mysticchildsuit @sapphicmermaid

#caitlin clark #caitlin clark x reader #wbb x reader #wnba basketball #wnba #basketball #caitlin clark x y/n #caitlin clark x fem!reader #indiana fever #caitlin clark fic #wnba x reader #iowa wbb #wnba all star

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sorryimananti-romantic · 1 year

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Sunrise

soldier!san x soldier!reader

military dilf/milf agents working in the special forces au

word count: ~29k

genres and warnings: mostly angst, sometimes fluffy, smut (mdni), violence warnings, past trauma, blood and weapons, basically its war but san makes it better <3

synopsis: you and san are majors in the special forces, having trained together after your sector was occupied. you both work as partners in your team now, surviving through hell together and having each other's back. you think the idea of romance while being in the military is stupid for a number of reasons, but san thinks otherwise and decides to prove his point, making you question your beliefs.

manager-nim: @eightmakesonebraincell (we talked about ateez as military dilfs and this happened LOL)

“I’ve had enough of grown men acting like children,” you muttered to yourself, trying to find the scissors in the box of instruments, shuffling them loudly and not realising you were holding your breath until the patient in front of you helped by picking the scissors right out as if they had been right there the entire time time.

“What was that?”

You glared at the grown man you had referred to now having heard your complaint, a faint smirk crawling on his lips as if taunting you- and perhaps, he was. You were acting like a child too. You were feeling like a child ready to burst at him.

You said nothing, only cut the gauze and secured it around the wound you had just stitched. His eyes continued to bore holes into you and you continued to ignore it as you took the ointment and a cotton swab, applying it gently on his grazed cheekbone.

“You’re clenching your jaw a bit too hard right now, Major Seo. You don’t want to end up being unable to sleep because your jaw hurts… again.”

Referring to the time you hurt your jaw- the only time you lost your footing even in your own memory. It made it on your Top Embarrassing Moments list, and he was a part of every item on that list. And the fact that your squad wouldn’t let you live it down made it worse. After all, you had lost your footing and bumped into a shelf because Major Choi caught your eye when he was taking off his jacket.

Major Choi San. Your squad member but probably your worst enemy too.

“At least I didn’t cut my arm trying to run after a cat, Major Choi.”

“The cat might have stepped on a landmine-”

“The cats are not that dumb,” you put a bandage on his cheekbone and intentionally pressed it harder than you had to, making sure this jab hurt with the one you had made verbally- referring to the time he almost stepped on a landmine after drinking. He had been grounded for weeks after and you had enjoyed every bit of peace that followed. “We literally have a mission in two days, Major.”

“Ah, don’t tell me you care,” Major Choi scoffed out loud and you couldn’t help but glance around you, noticing very well how the other nurses were eyeing the two of you while they treated their patients. You understood them but at the same time, you didn’t. You understood that most of them found him intimidating and for all the right reasons. You didn’t (though that was questionable too) because you two had trained together since the very beginning.

So, why did Major Choi refuse to be treated by anyone else other than you? Was it simply to get on your nerves? In that case, he should know he was already doing a good enough job. Or was it because you two were the only ones who were still here, still alive, after spending almost a decade on the field together? Or maybe it was because of that one time you both shared a traumatic experience-

You didn’t care enough, you told yourself.

“Of course I care,” you began, wrapping up the sprawled instruments on the trolley. “I will have to do twice the amount of work without you. And my risk of dying increases by a solid 14 percent. Of course I’d rather have you on the team.”

Major Choi rolled his eyes, getting up and wearing his jacket again, watching you close the medical kits and roll the trolley to a corner, shaking his head in amusement when you flipped a finger at him and went ahead to report him. He followed right behind you, wondering how to bait you into not reporting to their leader at all.

“Major Seo,” he called but you ignored him, knowing that ‘pleading’ tone very well. “Major Seo… Pretty.”

You rolled your eyes so hard you felt a sharp pain go through your skull. He was always making something up with your last name ‘Seo’, adding adjectives so he could call you something like ‘so angry’ or ‘so bossy’. You hated it and it had been a mistake to react to it in the beginning because he never let it go again.

“Say something like that again and you’ll have me presenting an exaggerated report. You won’t be seeing sunlight for a while, Major.”

“So feisty,” he shook his head and you stopped, turning to glare at him and he realised then, shaking his head furiously. “I didn’t mean it like that. Promise.”

You sighed, tuning out his rambling and knocking at the squad leader’s door. When you heard the familiar clearing of his throat as an answer, you stepped inside and the two of you saluted in synchronisation until the man nodded.

“Sergeant Kim, reporting to you from Squad 8,” you called and the sergeant scoffed.

“Major Choi got in trouble again?”

“Yes, Sergeant,” Major Choi decided to speak for himself. “I was… saving a cat from a landmine.”

“How many times have I told you to leave the cats alone, Major?”

“17 times as of now, Sergeant!” Major Choi saluted and you stifled a smile. The Sergeant asked you to report the damage and you did- it wasn’t too bad but if you had to go on the mission tomorrow instead of the day after like planned, he wouldn’t be able to join.

“If we have to go to the field tomorrow,” Sergeant Kim concluded, “You’ll stay back.”

“But, Sergeant-”

“And we better have clean rooms and a fresh meal when we get back,” Sergeant Kim glared at him. “If we go the day after… then you can join.”

You felt the Major shift from one foot to another and were reminded of the boy he used to be- when he was still Choi San and not Major Choi- suddenly feeling nostalgic. Some habits never changed. The Major cleared his throat and saluted in answer and you followed, leaving to go back to your rooms.

You both walked in silence as you approached the dorms and just as you were about to part ways, you heard Major Choi clear his throat and you spared a glance.

“I won’t be staying back, even if we have to go tomorrow,” his gaze was steel. “You, of all people, should know that.”

“I don’t want to risk bringing an injured squad member who could be a liability to the rest of us. You know that.”

The Major stifled a groan but before he could insist, you continued. “Do you remember the last time we took an injured member with us?”

His eyes flashed. “This is only a cut to my arm. It’s not something that will affect our mission.”

“Your aim could be affected. Whatever, there’s no point arguing with you,” you groaned, tired and ready to hit the bed and knock yourself out. “You’ll stay behind if we’re going tomorrow, end of the discussion.”

“We’ll see,” he said and you knew he meant that there was no way he wouldn’t join. You hoped Sergeant Kim, at least, wouldn’t give in to him tomorrow. You really could not lose another squad member just because they insisted on joining despite being injured, no matter how small the injury might be.

So you did the only thing you could do- pray you wouldn’t have to go to the field tomorrow. But you knew that as a Major in the Special Forces, you always had to expect the worst. You did not have the luxury of hoping for a miracle. All you could do was pray and ignore the gnawing feeling in your gut which was answer enough.

And it was not like your prayers were answered because as you woke up at the crack of dawn, you noticed that it wasn’t as noisy as it used to be. Already knowing what was ahead, you wore your black and grey uniform and got ready, taking a few deep breaths in the room before straightening and stepping outside.

It was awfully empty too- none of the others from your squad or other squads exiting their rooms with puffy eyes or tired figures. When you heard the sound of a door opening, you turned to see your own squad member, Major Yu, looking as confused as you.

“Where are the others?” She asked.

“Exactly what I’m wondering,” you frowned. “Did they perhaps dispatch Squad 6 last night?”

“Not when I was awake,” she wiped the sleep from her eyes. “Let’s go. We might have to prepare for the mission today, it seems.”

With a sinking heart, you both decided to go to the Sergeant’s office first and just as you had thought, the mission had taken an unexpected turn last night. The secret operation the other squads had been on for the past few days had been discovered and Squad 6 had been dispatched to help them, but they needed to change shifts now.

“It’s getting uglier- the enemy won’t let them go so easily,” Sergeant Kim said. “We’re carrying out our operation in 3 hours from now, so prepare for it. Make no mistakes- but first… eat breakfast. I don’t want any of you looking pale because you didn’t eat.”

Major Yu smiled at that and the two of you saluted, about to exit when you turned. “Major Choi San insists on joining the operation.”

“He’s ready to go,” the Sergeant shook his head and you gaped at him. “He got up quite early today. As if he knew.”

Indeed, you spotted him in the cafeteria gulping down his breakfast as if he was short on time when he looked as prepared as one could be, dressed in his gear and loaded with weapons. You rolled your eyes, taking your tray of food to sit at the table next to him.

“All this effort. Did you change your bandages?”

The Major stopped in the middle of stuffing his face with rice. “Uh… I thought I had to change it later?”

“You’re going to the field, you fool,” you couldn’t believe it. “What are you gonna do, ask me to change your bandage when we’re getting fired at from every direction?”

“Oh, but you’d do that for me, won’t you?” He teased and you pretended to throw up, Major Yu laughing at the two of you as she joined you. “Don’t worry. We can get the bandage changed now. I’ll undress for you-”

“And, there he is,” Major Yu sighed. “I really wonder what you’ve got against this poor girl, Major Choi. You should go to the medical ward- we have to prepare too.”

“Then the bandages can wait-”

“Ugh, okay, I’ll change them for you, we don’t want them infected,” you muttered, already feeling done for the day. He always had to be so stubborn. You simply did not have the time to entertain him. You had things to do- but first, you would change his bandages so he could get off your back and let you prepare in peace.

You had to admit- you were slightly amused to see him struggle unloading himself and taking off all the complicated belts and ropes before finally being able to take off his shirt so you could inspect his upper arm. You shook your head. “That’s what you get for being over-efficient. You could have waited until I woke up, but no. You had to be present before any of your squad members.”

“I knew you were not going to let me go, so I did what I had to.”

Even though working in the Special Forces had turned your heart to rock, it still fluttered whenever the man in front of you looked at you funny or said something like this. However, your face didn’t reveal any of it and you prayed he wasn’t observant enough to notice.

“Well, I can’t stop you now,” you sighed in relief to see he was healing up well. “Be careful not to rip your stitches. I’ll be carrying a kit so if you feel like something is wrong, you need to tell me before it gets worse, okay?”

“Yes, boss.”

“And stop being so casual with me,” you glared at him before taping a new bandage to his arm and securing it well this time.

“I literally called you ‘boss’,” Major Choi chuckled to himself. You poked your tongue in your cheek as you glared at him- or tried to, but his eyes curving when he laughed always put a smile on your own face. He noticed that and said, “You’re allowed to smile.”

“Whatever,” you chuckled. “Be careful out there, okay? We’re marching to Sector 1. It cannot get any more dangerous than that.”

“I know,” his tone grew grim and you knew you were both recalling the life-threatening situation you faced the last time you were there- about two years ago. “You’ll have my back, won’t you?”

“And you’ll have mine,” you said and he nodded. “Let’s all come back alive, okay?”

It was always like this between you two- especially after that incident a couple years ago. You two may tease each other to death and be out for each other like enemies but you trusted each other the most out of anyone else. Time and time again, you both proved what being a team meant. The Major got up and opened his mouth as if to say something but shook his head instead, and you resisted the urge to ask him to finish his thought, instead saying you’ll join him in the office after getting ready and went to prepare for the operation in your room.

It was a mechanical process now- gearing up in your uniform which was so black you would become one with the shadows, docking up on layers and ropes and packing your bag with all the necessities- a medical kit, some food rations, water, your radio and all the necessary equipment. Lastly, you hid weapons everywhere on yourself where you could, the only visible ones the guns around your belt and a sniper hanging by your shoulder.

You went to the office and found Major Kang and Major Choi Jongho already present, chatting with Major Yu. Your squad- and naturally, the rest started referring to Major Choi Jongho as ‘Major CJ’ which started as a joke first until it wasn’t anymore. You settled down near them and said hello, joining in the conversation- Major Yu detailing the events of the morning to them.

“So I genuinely thought someone had died, or worse, because it hasn’t been this silent around here since the time Major Han said she found Sergeant Kim attractive out loud,” Major Yu said and Major Kang burst into his trademark giggle that made everyone around him laugh. “So I found her looking as confused as me and she had that funny look on her face- you know the one she makes when she either has no idea what’s going on or when Major Choi says something weird-”

You rolled your eyes. Major Yu had to be the most laid back person in your squad and sometimes you wished she wasn’t so observant. “Whatever Major Choi does doesn’t affect me.”

“He literally makes you almost cry, but okay, we can pretend we don’t see that,” Major CJ said and the others grinned at you giving them the side-eye.

“Where’s he now, anyway?” You wondered. “He was up and ready so early that I’m wondering if he went to bed like that-”

“And of course you wonder how I go to bed,” Major Choi said, entering the room and having heard the last part, making you wonder how he always managed to appear at the worst possible timing. “I had to do what I had to.”

“Still, I think it’s too much,” Major Kang shook his head. “We don’t take injured people to the field. You know the rules.”

“But this mission requires my presence- everyone’s presence. We’re all going in, whether you guys like it or not.”

“Alright,” you shrugged. “If you become a liability, we’ll leave you on the field and return. At least my nurse duties will decrease by half.”

“And I’d have the room to myself!” Major Kang cheered and Major CJ grinned. Major Choi, however, was sulking deeper with every passing minute and Major Yu poked his elbow right where you had stitched it, making him scowl and you wondered if she did it on purpose.

“Ay, you know we wouldn’t do that to you,” she assured him. “But you have to admit, the thought of having one less person to write reports about is very tempting to me-”

“Please,” Major Choi groaned out loud and you silently laughed, knowing they were all trying to raise his spirits before the mission because he was the type to get very serious before going to the field.

A few moments later, Sergeant Kim and Major Han arrived in the office and all of you got up and saluted your leader before he settled down with you, now forming a little circle so he could look all of you in the eyes as he instructed you and shared the details.

“I’m happy to see all of you present and healthy,” Sergeant Kim glared at Major Choi who pretended to be interested in the very boring ceiling all of a sudden. “We’re leaving in exactly 30 minutes from now and we will be on standby at the border of Sector 1 before we go in to extract Squad 7. Squad 5 will take care of Squad 6 so if you come across anyone from Squad 6, you will take them with you but alert 5 before you take another step, is that understood?”

“Yes, Sir!” Everyone said in unison.

“Just like always, we’re splitting into teams- I’m leading with Delta and Sierra as Team 1,” Sergeant Kim referred to Major Kang and Major Yu who straightened and nodded. “Fox and Victor as Team 3, Charlie and Echo as Team 2.”

You being Echo and Charlie being Major Choi- you met eyes for a moment before nodding. Sergeant Kim continued, “If the two of you require assistance, you will call either Fox or Victor,” he referred to Major Han and Major CJ. “And if they cannot join you, then Delta or Sierra will. You’re at the heart of the operation, though, so be careful, okay?”

“Okay,” Major Choi’s grip on his rifle tightened- something that went unobserved by most but then again, you were familiar with every movement of his body.

“And lastly,” Sergeant Kim sighed- you all knew how much he hated delivering the final instruction which was- “If any of you is indisposed, you all know the rules. Our first priority is making sure the mission succeeds- and this time, it’s to extract Squad 7 who hold important data with them. Help will come later, till then… you’ll be on your own. May the fates be with you.”

A collective sigh went through the room- it wasn’t because of the fear of being indisposed, but the fear someone else would be and you would have to leave them behind. That was the hardest part. Sergeant Kim got up. “You are allowed to request backup, remember that. I will be back in 30- check each other’s gears.”

The half an hour passed by in a flurry of light jokes, assuring taps, fixing some part of the gear and then waiting until Sergeant Kim arrived in gear and the seven of you proceeded to move to the basement where three cars waited for you with additional soldiers. You and Major Choi got inside your car and travelled in silence for the rest of the way, watching the expanse of barren fields until you reached the border of Sector 1. You leaned a bit to see the silhouette of buildings that were at the heart of Sector 1- a city that had once bloomed with life, now dead and infiltrated with terrorists.

The city that had once been your home- and Major Choi’s, who was also staring into the distance with glazed eyes.

You proceeded to turn on the radio setup and connect it with the rest of the teams while Major Choi lazily cleaned his guns, sighing deeply in between. Once you were done testing your radios, you relaxed back and he finally spoke.

“Do you think we would have come across each other if Eden hadn’t attacked our home?”

You blinked at the sudden and personal question- another unusual thing from Major Choi today- you didn’t like being personal during a mission and he knew it. But the way you both had been stealing glances at what was once your home, you supposed curiosity got the better of him.

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “Maybe? At some point of our life? Sector 1 isn’t too big.”

“I sometimes wonder if we were fated to meet each other,” he mused. “From being homeless to finding a place in the army- we have been together for a while, haven’t we?”

You pursed your lips- it still stung whenever you recalled the dark times. “Do you sometimes wonder what it would have been like if we didn’t make it in the army?”

“All the time,” he admitted, sounding grim. “But we… We kept each other in check. We still do.” You smiled at that and he joined, whispering, “We’ve kept each other alive.”

“Or maybe you have been stupid enough to not let me die- not without you,” you pointed out. “I still wonder what went through your head that one time you disobeyed all orders, risked your title and stayed back for me when I was indisposed.”

“But you did the same for me so many times,” he cocked his head. “You’ve risked your life for me more times than I can count.”

“We do that for everyone in our team,” you reminded him, though you knew he saw right through you. “We disobey orders all the time. I’m surprised they haven’t shuffled us around yet. Also, can you stop being sentimental right before a life-threatening mission?” You couldn’t help it and you both laughed. “There’s a time for everything, Major Choi San.”

He raised a brow at the way you called his name and you looked away- you could never meet his gaze long enough. Luckily, the radio sounded with your leader’s voice instructing you all to get out and walk on foot to the base in Sector 1 with your designated members and routes. You bumped fists with Major Choi before securing each other’s helmets, getting off the car and following the familiar barren road to the outskirts of the town, careful to avoid eyes but glad it was very hazy today.

The two of you walked in sync until you reached the abandoned hospital which was your station. You took the lead, he provided cover and you entered the building, inspecting it thoroughly as you made way to the 4th floor and took out the binoculars to monitor any sort of activity and help Sergeant Kim’s team get to the heart of the city. A few hours passed like that, mostly in silence, occasional comments or instructions passed through the radio, and you almost, almost relaxed until a loud blast shook you to the core, making you both instinctively duck down and cover each other, trying not to lose your footing as the ground beneath your feet rumbled.

A whistle rang in your ear and you took a few deep breaths- it wasn’t the first time you experienced a blast up close but it always made your heart sink in the worst possible way. You felt Major Choi squeezing your shoulder- you were alright. He was alright. You motioned okay at him and he peeked up from the window to inspect the damage and you followed after a moment. The six-story building that had been two streets away from you was now turning into rubble.

“That is Squad 6’s station,” you said. “Squad 7 might have been in there. We should move.”

Major Choi nodded and spoke on his radio. “Alpha- you heard that?”

“Loud and clear,” Sergeant Kim’s voice sounded grim. “Do not move right now. You’re the closest- you might meet trouble on the way. Wait for my instruction.”

“Copy that,” he replied and you both decided to move up another floor and see if you could spot the enemy somewhere. You did- a couple of men in cloaks leaving from the West Exit and you alerted Team 3 who went to inspect as per your instructions.

“We have about 20 minutes until it gets dark, and then you can inspect the damage to Squad 6’s station while on your way to the enemy’s base,” Sergeant Kim ordered. “We have retrieved two of Squad 7’s members. Team 3?”

“We have retrieved three of Squad 6’s members,” Major CJ reported. “That leaves one member from each team- Squad 6 here says they were last seen near the enemy base.”

“Team 2 will take care of it then,” the Sergeant concluded. “Meet me at the North Exit, Victor and Fox. We’ll take care of the enemy there.”

“Copy that,” the rest of you reported and you prayed silently that everyone would make it back alive. Meanwhile, Major Choi offered you a sandwich from his bag and you ate it while you kept watch, thankful that your station still hadn’t been exposed to the enemy.

As soon as the sun set, you put on your night vision goggles and started following Major Choi out, hands gripping the rifle. You both trod like cats- silent and alert. You reached the rubble of what was once Squad 6’s base in a few minutes and searched for any signs of life but found none.

“They must be around the enemy base somewhere then,” you said. “Let’s follow their last location.”

Your partner agreed and you both walked in silence yet again, hiding behind walls and rubble until you could spot the enemy base in your vision, noticing a few men walking around it, probably on guard duty.

“What if they’re held hostage?” You asked.

“Our mission is to extract them wherever they are,” Major Choi reminded. “We can request backup.”

“Let’s inspect the area first and then create a distraction before we move inside,” you suggested and he agreed.

All your senses felt heightened as you parted ways- mostly because you felt a bit defenceless that he wasn’t providing cover like he usually did. All you could think about was remaining alert and not missing anything, and you counted seconds until you spotted the Major again and joined him, containing in your sigh of relief because the mission wasn’t over yet.

“Request backup?” You asked.

“I’ll ask them to meet us right here after we’re done extracting the agents,” he said and you nodded, watching him speak into his radio while you tightened your gloves, buzzing with eagerness to get this mission done and over with. The two of you went through interconnected buildings and doorways until you stood outside a door in the basement of one of the buildings that connected inside the enemy base- some path they probably hadn’t learned about, if you were lucky, since they had quite recently changed bases. You were about to break the door when the Major grabbed your wrist-

Quite gently, you noticed.

“If things go south, you know what to do, right?”

You scoffed. “Who are we kidding, Major? We were never ones to obey orders- at least not from each other.”

Major Choi groaned loudly, almost in amusement. “If things go south, you will call for an immediate backup request, not wait for me and make your way out, is that clear?”

You did not like being talked to in that tone so you snatched your wrist and poked his chest with your gloved finger. “The last time I told you this… don’t even get me started.”

You both stared at each other, none of you giving in, his eyes locked on yours- the only thing you could see with the masks and the helmets. Your finger was still poking into his chest and he finally sighed, taking your hand in his and drawing it away. You swallowed the lump in your throat and shook your head. “If things look bleak, let’s not make them worse, okay?”

“Okay,” his voice was laced with amusement and you glared at him.

“I won’t be surprised if we have to change partners soon.”

“I won’t let them,” Major Choi promised. “You’re the only one I trust.”

“What did I tell you about not being sentimental during missions?” You broke the door, grimacing at the loud sounds that rang through the basement. “Let’s move, Charlie.”

“Got you, Echo,” he patted your back and you both stepped into the darkness, wearing your goggles again.

Every sound from that point on caught your attention. You could hear the Major’s breathing so you trained your ears to ignore it and focus on the other sounds. You walked along the path that only got narrower with each step and waited a few moments at the door which was the entrance inside the enemy base, letting the Major do his thing and check for any signs of life with his equipment.

“Empty room,” he whispered. “Go.”

You nodded and began unlocking the door with a set of pins, humming when it clicked in place and you opened the door- or tried to, since it was blocked. Major Choi helped you push it until the gap was big enough for you two to pass through and you carefully stepped inside.

“You remember the layout?” You asked and he nodded. “This must be the only storage room in the basement. Where do you reckon they would keep their hostages?”

“In the basement… in the cells. If not, they’ve defected.”

“Unless-”

“Unless that’s their strategy,” he completed and you nodded, glad your partner was one to follow his instinct and heart instead of the book, which if you were honest simply did not have a few principles right. “Let’s inspect the cells first.”

“You ready?”

Major Choi mirrored your motions- adjusting his guns and fixing the daggers in his sleeves. “Let’s get the party started.”

After that, it was a flash of blood and screams as you both exited the storage room, exterminating any enemy in sight until you reached the cells and found one of your agents inside, a bloody mess himself. You broke his chains and asked his name and when he said his codename ‘Bravo’, you were glad he was in his senses.

“Where’s Agent Oscar?” You asked and he shook his head.

“They might have taken him for questioning- I heard the guards talk.”

You clenched your jaw- this was going to get messier then, especially with the Major already firing at the incoming stream of enemy guards. “You can walk?”

“Yes,” he said and you accompanied him to the storage room, the Major providing cover. You instructed Agent Bravo to follow the path to the exit where backup would arrive in a few minutes, handed him a loaded gun and secured the door after him. You joined the Major who had just finished with a fresh wave of guards.

“They’re onto us. Let’s make it quick. I’ll shell them.”

You nodded and you took the lead this time, taking the stairs and firing at anyone who was unfortunate enough to get in your way and you made your way up another flight after inspecting the rooms on the ground level. Thankfully, you and Major Choi only had minor scratches and grazes right now- nothing that kept you from moving forward.

You took a sharp turn but got pulled back as a bullet passed, missing you by a fraction. You spared a glance at Major Choi who gave you a warning look and you heard what he meant loud and clear- ‘be careful’. Before you could continue, he took the lead and you provided cover, letting him guide you both to the end of the hallway where he turned-

And found himself faced with 5 guns pointed at his head. You were outnumbered.

You paused as well, a couple of guards aiming their own gun at you from the other end. You clicked your tongue twice and your partner understood, raising his hands in surrender and you followed suit- but what the enemy did not know was that you had learned a few magic tricks when you were little. You never thought you’d use them in the military, but here you were, a grenade rolling down the hallway out of nowhere and you clicked your fingers.

Three.

The guards shouted and you rolled another grenade with a tap of your feet, the others wondering where the hell it appeared from when your own hands had been raised as long as the Major’s.

Two.

Major Choi watched one of the guards point his guns at Agent Oscar who said a silent prayer as he looked up at the ceiling.

One.

You smirked to yourself, clicking your tongue again. The guards in front of you took cover while the ones in the room shouted at each other, trying to come up with an escape plan now that the grenade was right at their feet but failing.

Zero.

You and Major Choi switched positions in a flash and while he covered you with his body, you shot at the 5 men in a series while the grenade behind you burst. Unfortunately, one of them managed to shoot at you and the bullet landed in your calf though your reaction only lasted a few seconds. You felt the Major’s body shake against yours as rubble fell on the two of you. You ignored the pain burning though your entire body and glanced up, sighing in relief when you saw that Oscar was fine.

“We’re exiting from the window,” Major Choi got up and started planting the hook to the wall and dropped the rope down the building, groaning when he spotted movement outside the building too. He aimed at them with his rifle and got rid of them while you took care of any approaching guards, finding a few moments of peace.

“We’re sliding down first- he can’t walk properly,” Major Choi had noticed Oscar’s mutilated leg. “You’ll follow after I give the signal, okay?”

“Okay,” you breathed heavily.

“You good?” He scanned you, noticing the blood dripping down. You nodded but he made quick work of pulling a piece of cloth from his bag and tying it around your leg, securing the bullet inside, the pain dimming since it wouldn’t jab with every movement you made now. Oscar stood watch in the meanwhile, inquiring about the rest of his squad and you told him they were extracted, which made his eyes fill with life again.

“Let’s move,” Major Choi called Oscar and you went back to covering for them while they escaped through the window. You sighed in relief when your radio sounded to alert you that they had made it to the ground safely but the relief didn’t last long as a bunch of guards came in your vision and you hid.

“Come down, now,” Major Choi called and you took a deep breath, knowing you would have to jump a good distance since you didn’t have enough time to simply slide down the rope all the way down. As if Major Choi had read your thoughts, he was there to cushion your jump and the three of you disappeared inside the alleyway, trying to navigate back to the spot where backup would be waiting.

However, luck was not on your side tonight. One moment you were jogging to the building in front of you and the next, the three of you were thrown into the air, the bright fire blinding you momentarily despite your protective goggles. For a few seconds, all you did was stare at the sky, wondering if you had died or if the sky was simply so cloudy that not a single star could be seen. It wasn’t until you heard a familiar groan that you came back to your senses and crawled towards your partner.

“San- Are you okay?” You managed to ask- he seemed to have hit his head somewhere, blood trickling down his forehead.

“I’m good,” he exhaled. “Oscar?”

Oscar didn’t respond and you panicked, crawling desperately towards the limp figure and found his pulse growing fainter. You began dragging him with Major Choi to the nearest cover- a big chunk of cement and you stopped, out of breath. You took off your mask and checked your radio but it had broken. You muttered a series of curses, throwing your helmet away in anger while you planned your escape.

“Take Oscar with you to the basement- backup will be waiting,” you hoisted yourself up so you could lean against the rock. “I’ll join you.”

Major Choi narrowed his eyes, taking off his own mask. “You can’t walk, can you?”

“I don’t think I can right now, but I’ll be fine- I’ll be following close, I just need to catch my breath,” you coughed, mouth very dry. “Go, now. I can hide.”

“I’ll come back for you-”

“Don’t you dare,” you seethed. “It’s already been a bad day. Just take Oscar to the backup and wait for me there- do not send anyone else.”

“I won’t leave you in this state,” Major Choi announced- a plain and simple statement.

“Just go,” you begged. “Our mission won’t be complete until we deliver Oscar back. I’ll be fine- no one will come and check in here for a while. I’ll hide elsewhere.”

Major Choi looked conflicted, glancing back and forth between you and Oscar until you nudged his thigh with your boot. He crawled towards you, throwing off his helmet and your hand instinctively went to inspect his injury, sighing internally when you found it wasn’t as bad as you thought.

What surprised you was him locking his forehead with yours as he said, “I promise I’ll be back.”

Before you could respond in any way, he had drawn back and was dragging Oscar, navigating through the rubble and meeting your eyes, pointing towards north. You understood and made a note to yourself to kill him if you made it out of here alive tonight. For now, you were going to hide in the rubble and watch them until they were out of sight. As soon as they were out of your vision, you relaxed and sat back down-

And heard the most horrible sound of gunshots in the direction Major Choi had gone- so horrible that your entire being shook. You immediately stood up and took out your binoculars to try and see if you could spot them but it was no use.

You sat back down, looking up at the dark sky- where had it all gone wrong? It was like they were prepared, like they knew you were coming. Was there a rat in your base? Or was it obvious that the Special Forces never left their agents in the enemy’s hands? Were they expecting you because they knew you so well now?

You were glad it was so dark that the tears in your eyes didn’t blur your vision- there wasn’t anything to see anyway so you blindly started crawling towards north, staying as low as possible- you weren’t sure you could walk without limping now anyway. You went from hiding behind one chunk of rubble to another, checking your watch and knowing you didn’t have much time until someone would come to check if you made it out alive.

After crawling endlessly, you checked your watch- it took you about forty minutes to simply reach the end of the destruction the blast had caused. You hid under a rock yet again, out of breath and with trembling hands you took out your bottle from the bag and drank a few sips, storing the rest for later in case you needed it. You could see your surroundings now thanks to the faint glow of streetlights in the distance and wondered if you should inspect your wound- Major Choi had done a good job of binding it. You decided to let it be and rest for a few minutes before moving forwards.

Forwards. For how long? You were already feeling groggy. Your eyes were twitching and you weren’t sure if you could remain awake if you weren’t moving.

So you decided to move. You prayed Major Choi would come back for you and disobey every order because only then you could know he was alive. For once, you wanted him to come back, because if he died-

You heard footsteps and you aimed your gun at the source, seeing the silhouette of someone walk, almost limp in your direction- the walk looked strangely familiar-

You lowered your gun when the outlines of his body became visible- it was Major Choi. He was alive-

“I searched for you everywhere,” Major Choi whispered harshly as he crouched down and a whimper escaped your mouth as he crushed you in a hug. “I thought I lost you, y/n.”

You shivered due to a number of reasons- he hadn’t called you by your name in a very, very long time. The last time he did was to wake you up when you both had been hostages together and even that had been years ago. The last time he hugged you was a memory you had almost forgotten too-

Not forgotten. Pushed in the deepest part of your memory so it wouldn’t come to you at unexpected times.

You were amazed by how awake you felt now that his arms were around you, his hand in your hair keeping your face tucked in the crook of his neck. You sighed deeply, your uneven breaths synchronising. You tugged at his shirt and perhaps, it was a wrong move. Perhaps he was suddenly aware of the position you were in because he pulled back-

You didn’t want him to pull back.

“I-” you cleared your throat. “I heard the gunshots- are you okay? Where’s Oscar?” You heard him suck in his breath when your hand touched his arm as you were drawing back and you touched the spot again, finding it wet and sticky-

Blood.

“What happened?”

“They must have spotted us- they fired. The first one hit Oscar in the head. I’m sorry-”

“But you’re okay?” You asked. “Only this?”

“Yeah, but we lost Oscar-” his voice shook and you put your hands on his.

“It’s okay,” you assured him. “Oscar might not have made it anyway- his pulse was very faint after the blast. You’re okay- god, I thought they got you, San, I really thought they did-”

You felt his body language shift after you called his name and you wondered just how much you both missed normal physical contact, normal human interactions since only the sound of your names on each other’s lips was making you react- perhaps even more than the casual displays of affection. You shook your head, willing yourself to focus. “What do we do?”

“Our retreat spot is compromised,” Major Choi said, “I think we should head to safety first before we come up with a plan or try to revive your radio. Mine got lost.”

“Okay,” you breathed. “Where to?”

“North, I think,” he sighed. “We mentioned north quite a few times today to the squad. They should get the hint and find us there.”

“They should,” you agreed and he got up. You followed but stumbled on your feet and he caught your arm right on time.

“Can you walk?”

“Let me try,” you said, looking around before taking a step and biting your lips so harshly it almost drew blood- the pain in your leg was burning you at this point. “I think I’ll be fine… after a few steps.”

“You don’t look fine… Major.”

You glared at him, taking another step and this time unable to control the hiss of pain. He tsk-ed. “Get on my back- it’ll save us time.”

“I’m sorry but you’re not in the best shape either,” you pointed out. “And there’s no way I’m getting on your back-”

“Major, now is not the time for the little game we play of who makes it out in better shape,” he took a step forward and you instinctively took one back, making him groan. “Get on my back- don’t make me carry you like a princess.”

“Fine,” you gave up, “You better run then. There’s no way they wouldn’t spot us.”

With that, you hopped on his back and he hooked his arms under your legs. Silently, he carried you all the way towards the north, never stopping to catch his breath though you could see he was struggling- after all, he was tired too. When you could see the North Exit gate, you motioned for him to go to find someplace to hide- there would surely be enemy prowling here after Team 1’s successful mission. So the Major finally slowed down and turned in an alley and you helped yourself down.

“I don’t think we should risk going inside one of these,” he said, glancing at the abandoned structures of what had to be houses or shops once. “We should wait until sunrise before we try something. Let’s hide somewhere- come on.”

He took your hand and you both trod silently, sticking to the walls until you found a spot where it looked like whoever cared had collected rubble there to keep the rest of the city clean. A shed roof lay on the floor, twisted, and you pointed towards it. San helped you walk towards it and you finally collapsed on the ground under it, stifling a groan. Now that you allowed yourself to relax, the weariness was catching up and making your head spin.

Major Choi didn’t miss it- he immediately dug into his bag and handed you his bottle and two of the sandwiches he still had left. You asked him to conserve the water, glad you had your own bottle and took the sandwich, though the overwhelmingness of everything was making you nauseous.

“Can I inspect your wound?” Major Choi asked. You shook your head.

“I don’t think I can be quiet if you try to extract the bullet- I think… I think I’ve lost a lot of blood,” you gulped, patting your trousers and finding them wet. “I shouldn’t sleep tonight.”

“I’ll make sure you don’t,” he took a deep breath and you could see the worry on his face even in the very faint light. “Someone should find us in the morning.”

“You’re okay, aren’t you? Anything odd you’re feeling?”

“Just the dull pain now,” he admitted.

“You shouldn’t have come back, Major,” you chuckled, finishing the sandwich and urging him to eat his. He shook his head, offering it to you and you grabbed it only to stuff it in his mouth, making him chuckle. “You should have stayed behind. I would have been fine- someone would have come in the morning.”

“You know me,” He finished the sandwich in two bites, drinking a sip of water. “I don’t like making it back alone.”

You clicked your tongue in disappointment. “It’s a wonder they haven’t fired you yet. It really is.”

“I could say the same for you,” he raised a brow, shifting so he could sit beside you, back resting against the shed roof. “You’re not any different from me.”

You didn’t answer, recalling the old times. For a few moments, you were both silent and then the Major tapped your thigh and you hummed to tell him you were still awake.

“Don’t fall asleep- keep talking,” he ordered and you sighed.

“You’re better at talking. I’m better at listening.”

“Just keep talking, for heaven’s sake,” he shifted to be closer to you so your shoulders were touching now. “Don’t say anything out loud- only whisper so you don’t get thirsty.”

“Okay,” you coughed a little, clenching your eyes shut when you felt a fresh wave of pain consume you. You felt the Major’s bare hands snake in yours and you smiled faintly.

“You shouldn’t have joined the mission today. Things could have been very different.”

“We’ll talk about that when we get back,” he dismissed. “Tell me what you want to do when you get back.”

“Sleep,” you laughed a little and he grinned. “What’s the time?”

“Almost midnight.”

“Damn it,” you sighed deeply. “I don’t think I’ll make it-”

“No,” he squeezed your hand. “I’m with you. I’m not letting anything happen to you. I won’t lose you- not like this.”

“Whatever,” you shrugged though you had to admit you were pleased to hear it. “Wait- isn’t that what I said when we were held hostages in Eden?”

“You remember?” He asked. You two hadn’t talked about the events of those three very, very long nights you had spent as hostages in Eden’s territory. “I thought you deleted that memory or something- you never addressed it again.”

“It’s not a good memory,” you said.

“True… but some of my favourite memories are from those days,” he began. “I made it out alive solely because you refused to let me die.”

“Is that why you’re doing the same right now?” You asked.

“Maybe,” he said and you looked at your interlocked hands. “Maybe I like us as a team and don’t want to lose you. Maybe I like you even as a friend- after all, we’ve been together for so long, haven’t we?”

“Back when we were still a boy and a girl,” you recalled. “What happened to us… San?”

There it was. The unintentional squeeze of his hand. You glanced at him and he met your eyes.

“Do you like it when I call you by your name?”

“Don’t you, y/n?”

Something like butterflies in your stomach as his deep voice sounded made you suck in a breath. “Well then… should I call you San? At least for tonight? Just like the old times?”

“Just like the old times,” he smiled, looking ahead. “How did we get here?”

“We refused to let each other go because we were rivals back then, of sorts… I’d say we still are- but we’re better as a team than rivals, aren’t we?” You said and San agreed. “It would just be even better if you stopped being an ass to me in routine.”

“It’s because I love to see you all riled up,” he said, body shaking with laughter. “It’s so easy to rile you up.”

You yawned big and wide and San waited until you were done. “You with me?”

“I am,” you told him. “Tell me then- do you do it on purpose? Only let me treat your wounds? I’m not your personal nurse, you know.”

“You know my reason,” San muttered. “Otherwise you would have downright refused. You know, don’t you?”

“Because you don’t like to show your scars to anyone… And because I’ve seen every scar on your body since the beginning, haven’t I?”

“You’re the only one who looks without judgement,” he admitted. “You know I wasn’t always the best.”

“Look at you now!” you said dramatically. “The best of the best.”

“We are, as a team,” San pointed out. “You remember how bad we are when partnered with other members.”

“Ah, right,” you giggled and San looked at you in horror. “We don’t really coordinate with others, do we?”

“What is that sound you just produced,” San scoffed. “I wonder what other sounds you make, Major.”

“You want to find out?”

San looked away- how come you both had switched roles now? “Looks like the blood loss is really getting to your head now.”

“It is,” you admitted, sinking down a bit and resting your head on your partner’s shoulder, feeling him freeze for just a moment before he relaxed. “I don’t think I should talk anymore.”

“I’ll keep you awake with pain if I have to,” he promised and you grimaced- you had done the same to him once too. No doubt he would return the favour. “If I see you getting groggy, I’m going to press on the wound, you hear me?”

You almost cried- the pain was already too much, but you knew he was right. “Why are you being like this?”

“I would do this for anyone- I cannot let you die on my watch,” he announced. “Which reminds me- give me your radio.”

“Oh, right. Are you sure I’m not the only one suffering from blood loss?” You said which he ignored, crossing his legs as he started inspecting the radio remains. You lit your watch to provide him with better light and watched him twist wires and cut them with his teeth, attempting to revive it-

For a very small moment, the sound of static came through and you both almost rejoiced until it died down. You asked San to do whatever he just did again and he did but it wasn’t any use now. The radio was dead.

You both slumped back to your original positions and this time you were the one who found San’s hand and squeezed it in assurance. “It’s okay. You’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be fine,” he sighed. “Stop considering yourself dead already. If you survived that moment when we were surrounded by seven guards earlier, you can survive the night too. Good work there, by the way.”

You grinned. “How did you know what I was planning? I was half worried you’d misunderstand the signal and get us all killed.”

“Oh please, when have I ever made that mistake?”

“Are we forgetting that one time when I was waving at you from a distance and you thought I was saying hi-” you paused when San chuckled.

“You were saying ‘get the hell away’, I know,” he shook his head. “I was just curious why.”

“You keep telling yourself that. The fact is, you made a mistake which got us both grounded for two weeks.”

“Yet here we are,” he scoffed. “Still a team. The best of the best.”

“Are we?” You thought out loud. “When we’re always at death’s door?”

“Well, let’s see,” San took a deep breath. “9 out of 10 missions are successful- that’s a pretty high rating for someone in Special Forces, don’t you think? And even if we’re compromised, we’ve never lost data. Even now, I retrieved the chip from Oscar,” he patted his pocket and you looked proud. “We just have to make it back alive now, so hang in there, alright?”

You were silent for a few moments, focusing on San absently caressing your hand and glancing at you a few times to make sure you were awake. You checked the time- there were still about 3 hours until sunrise.

San grunted in pain and you opened your eyes, realising you had almost dozed off. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said but you noticed his eyes twitching.

“How bad did you hit your head back then, Major Choi San?”

He rolled his eyes but you could tell it had to be something related to his head injury because his other injuries were minor. “I’m fine.”

“Can I see it? Properly?”

“I said I’m fine.”

And that’s how you knew he wasn’t. You shifted, ignoring the pain exploding through your leg as you put your injured leg over the Major’s to get half on top of him and access the other side of his head- the one you had noticed he kept away from your vision. San grabbed your wrists in an attempt to stop you but you glared at him, tski-ing in warning and he gave up, letting you inspect it.

It looked like a normal gash and it had stopped bleeding, so maybe it was a concussion. You sighed. “Are you feeling nauseous? Dizzy?”

“A little,” he admitted.

You pouted, going back to sitting next to him. “Looks like I’ll be the one keeping you awake for the night.”

He laughed to himself and you joined. “You’re making it sound like it's an awful task.”

“It is,” you rubbed your face. “Let’s not fall asleep, Choi San. Your turn to tell me what you would like to do when you go back.”

“Sleep,” he laughed and you poked his thigh. “Okay, I’d like to get a few days off. Should I get you some days off too?”

“What will we even do in our free time?”

“We could go somewhere,” he looked at you. “Remember Sector 6?”

You didn’t expect him to bring up Sector 6. It was the one time you both almost crossed boundaries with each other- your squad had gotten a few days off and all of you decided to spend those days like ‘normal people’ in the ‘normal’ sector- the one known for its lively atmosphere. The town that never sleeps, it was called. Somehow, you and San strayed away from the rest of the team and had a night you would try to forget for the next few years, the one you were still trying to forget-

It wasn’t even anything much. You two had drank and danced in a club. You two had joked about getting hooked up except you two couldn’t stay away from each other even when you tried. Whenever you looked at someone, San would make some comment about what type of a person they were. You were ashamed to admit you did the same to him too- so you two only danced with each other-

Only looked at each other.

Something had changed after that. You couldn’t shake off the ghost of his hands on your waist, on your shoulders, a comfortable weight. You called each other by your names and it almost felt like you two were only civilians, friends who were flirting with each other. At one point, he had hugged you and told you that you were the best thing that happened to him, though you were pretty sure he forgot all about that the next day, since he claimed he remembered nothing- he wasn’t good with his drinks, so you believed him.

Until he brought it up again, now.

“Sector 6?” You scoffed. “Why would you want to go there again?”

“Do I really need a reason to relive that again?”

So cryptic. You tried to make sense of his words but you couldn’t.

“Well, if we live through tonight, might think about it then,” you said, trying not to recall the things you had said to San that night. Things you wished he really had forgotten.

“Do you think we’ll live to see the sunrise?”

You glanced at San. He looked weary- perhaps, he really did need a break. You rarely ever saw him look weary. You did not like him with such low spirits. You only squeezed his hand and let the silence fall- you were both too tired to continue talking anyway, so you both resorted to tapping out morse code. It was nostalgic to talk that way, though all you were tapping was curses and ‘awake?’, it made you reminisce about your time together as agents. You supposed you would let the memories flash by- after all, you might really not live to see the sunrise.

The two hours following had to be the longest of your life. Your fingers were tired from tapping to each other, but at least that meant you were alive. You would occasionally drink a sip of water or shake each other. Sometimes you would recall a funny memory and share a brief laugh. But by the end of it, you were both so groggy that you had to press into San’s now ripped stitches to make him wake up, earning a groan that was too loud for your liking. You also made him press on your wound and you cried this time. The pain was nowhere near dull.

You didn’t notice the sky getting lighter until the rays of sun hit your face and you looked at San who was almost dozing off. You shook him.

“Hey. We lived to see the sunrise.”

San opened his eyes, blinking a few times and you watched the sun cast shadows on the sharp angles of his face. His brown eyes looked warm as he smiled.

“We really did live to see the sunrise…”

You smiled, squeezing his hand. All you two had to do now was wait for a signal- there was this new kernel of hope in your heart that you would make it out alive now- even if backup never comes, you two would make it out alive somehow-

“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too.”

You stopped in the middle of shuffling through your bag, not having the strength to meet his eyes- you recognised this tone of his voice so well you knew how he would be looking at you anyway. However, you couldn’t help the smile creeping up on your face and you took out your medical kit, finally having enough light and the newfound energy to do something about San’s wounds at least.

“That’s… not something you should be saying to me. You do not wish to see the rest of your sunrises with your partner in Special Forces, Major.”

“And if I do?”

You finally looked at him, narrowing your eyes. “I think I should have done something about your wounds earlier. You’re in a worse state than I am, and I am the one who got hit by a goddamn bullet.”

San chuckled, unbuttoning his shirt and letting you take care of his stitches- he knew you were doing it not because it was necessary but because you would have something to focus on. Perhaps you were dizzy for a different reason now, in which case…

“You think I don’t mean it?”

“Major Choi San,” you warned-

“Look at me, y/n,” he called and you sighed deeply, finishing cleaning his wound and then meeting his eyes, your heart sinking at the way he was gazing at you. “You know I don’t lie. You know that. Everything that I say… I mean it. I really, really do wish we’ll be together for a long time.”

“You like working as a team that much?” You tried joking but he shook his head, his hand finding yours and snaking up to caress your wrist. You gulped, finally looking at him and the two of you just stared at each other for a few moments.

“Whatever’s going on in your head… don’t say it. Not now.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t think I’ll be able to make logical decisions right now,” you muttered, taking your hand away from him with immense willpower.

If you expected San’s spirits to lower, he was smirking too hard for that right now. “So that means there is something, isn’t it? How long are we going to pretend we don’t like each other like that?”

“San-”

You heard the familiar sound of a high pitched frequency and turned towards the source, San getting up immediately and taking a look around, spotting a black flag raised in the air- backup.

“Finally,” you groaned in relief. “Help me up.”

“Finish your thoughts first,” San hovered over you and you rolled your eyes, knowing there was no way out of this.

“God, you’re insufferable,” you laughed, raising your hand and he helped you up, purposely pulling you to him so you bumped into his chest and you smacked it. “I think you’re the most annoying person in my life, but I like you anyway.”

“Perhaps you’re right- must be the blood loss speaking,” he couldn’t believe his ears. Normally, you would have pointed your gun at him and threatened to blow his brains out if he ever said something like that. “Let’s talk about it when we get back. For now… thank you for being alive, y/n.”

“Thank you for coming back for me too, San,” you felt way too emotional all of a sudden. “I really thought something happened to you when I heard the gunshots- I just… thank you.”

The Major brought a hand to your face and caressed it as if it was something he did every other day. He planted a lingering kiss to your forehead and you bit the inside of your cheek to contain the sigh that threatened to leave your mouth. He simply smiled when he met your eyes as he drew back and motioned for you to follow him.

—---------------------

Your team leader allowed you to rest first before he came to check on you both in the evening, looking scarier than ever, especially having caught you both with ‘stupid snacks’ like he used to refer to them, giggling like kids with the rest of your team.

“Major Choi and Major Seo,” he called and your grins fell. Major Yu attempted to hide the lollies but was interrupted by Major Kang, who had tried doing the same which just made them roll dramatically on the floor until they hit the Sergeant’s boot. His frown got deeper especially when Major CJ chuckled out loud and Major Han slapped his arm to shut him up.

“The two of you-” he began, taking a deep breath. “How the hell did you make it back alive this time? I think I'd better like you dead now.”

Major Kang snorted. San cleared his throat. “Major Seo kept me alive!”

“Major Choi kept me alive!” You responded and he groaned.

“I don’t care who kept whom alive- you need to present a full report to me right now. There’s something I need to check. The rest of you- out.”

The team left with a series of grunts and more than one ‘boomer’ thrown at the Sergeant which earned them a threatening (but playful) raise of fist in the air. You began narrating the events, San filling in the gaps occasionally. The Sergeant nodded along until you told him about being cornered by the guards when you found Oscar.

“Did you perhaps recognise any of those guards?”

“They were all wearing masks,” San looked at you and you nodded. “I noticed one of them had a tattoo on his wrist.”

“What kind of a tattoo? Do you think you can recognise it if I show you some pictures?” Sergeant Kim asked and Major Choi said he would try. You continued to narrate the rest of the story and San mentioned the chip he had handed in earlier when they arrived.

“It’s a shame we lost Oscar, but good job staying alive and completing the mission- both of you,” Sergeant Kim acknowledged and you both relaxed in relief. “There is a reason I send you both in the heart of the operation most of the time- it’s because I trust you both. It’s not that I do not trust the others, but the three of us have worked together for the longest- and we were once a team, after all- back when I was still Major Kim,” he smiled and your heart warmed- the Sergeant wasn’t much older than you both and the three of you had been a trio back in your early days- though you both always called him your captain anyway. It’s like he was meant to lead.

“I trust you both to complete the mission no matter what, and I trust you both to make it out alive each time- even if it takes days,” he continued. “For a while, I’ve been suspecting there’s a rat around us. I don’t know which squad or who, but the past few days have been a sign enough that we’ve been betrayed- especially since they captured so many of our agents. I want you both to stay alert and wary of everyone- even the ones in your squad,” he sounded disappointed. “I know you trust your squad but you both almost died today, and I cannot help but be worried.”

You watched the Sergeant sigh deeply. “Is there anyone you suspect?”

“Not at the moment, at least not from our squad,” he admitted. “Or maybe it’s because I’m making a mistake of trusting them. Perhaps I’m making a mistake in letting you both know too. Maybe the rat is one of you.”

“Yeah, it could totally be me,” you began, scoffing. “I asked to be shot so I could pretend to die and do what?”

“Or it could be me,” Major Choi chuckled. “I went back to finish Major Seo but ended up using my last shreds of humanity to save her instead. Should have killed her when I had the chance-”

“I’m only saying!” Sergeant Kim laughed this time but you weren’t having it.

“You know what- maybe he’s the rat,” you looked at the Sergeant and San agreed. “He usually makes it out unscathed. Wonder what that means.”

“You both know there’s a reason why I rank higher than you both,” he scoffed. “With the amount of times you get hurt, I should lower your ranks-”

“Sergeant, we’re just joking. I trust you both. I really do. And I trust my squad too, but I’ll keep my guard up anyway.”

He nodded. “Take some rest, you both. Once you’re back, I have another task for the two of you- until then, I’ll take care of it.”

“What’s it about?” San asked but the Sergeant waved his hand and left. You pursed your lips.

“I knew it wasn’t simply bad luck- there must be someone who reports our activity to Eden.”

“And we can’t even narrow it down since there were four Squads involved in this mission,” San shook his head. “Do you think Sergeant Kim will be sending us on a false mission again?”

“I hope not,” you sighed, glancing at your bandaged leg, thankful the bullet hadn’t done much damage. “I need… a break.”

San laughed at that. “When are you scheduled to get some days off?”

“In two months, I think,” you tried to recall the exact date.

“That’s too far away. If we can’t have a break right now… we could at least get some drinks together?”

“You can’t even hold your liquor, Major,” you muttered and he glared at you. You shrugged, “I’m not taking care of you if you get drunk again. Last time was enough.”

“What did I do last time?”

“See? You don’t even remember,” you muttered, looking away. Last time, and the time before, and every time San got drunk… he was a mess- especially with you, and you weren’t sure if he realised it yet. “We could just go to town to get dinner. No drinks.”

“Come on, we haven’t let loose in a while-”

“Did someone say drinks?” Major CJ entered and you muttered ‘oh no’.

Because the next night, you heard a knock on your room around 10pm and you opened the door to see Major Han grinning widely.

“How’s your leg healing up?”

“Pretty well, actually,” you told her. “What’s got you so giddy?”

“We’re having drinks in Major CJ’s room,” she winked. “Even Sergeant Kim is there.”

“Oh, you better go then,” you winked back. “I think I’ll stay.”

“Oh no, you won’t,” she grabbed your hand and pulled you, making you squeal. “Sergeant Kim ordered me to bring you there.”

“No way he did,” you muttered. “Let me change?”

“Oh, you look fine,” she said, scanning your black tank top and shorts. “Absolutely ravishing.”

“Let me get a jacket, at least,” you laughed and she finally let go of you with a grin. You grabbed your uniform jacket and followed Major Han to the men’s dorm which was opposite yours, going in the direction of where all the noise was coming from-

It was a mess. Not just your squad- even some from Squad 6 were present. As soon as the Sergeant spotted you, he smirked.

“Oh no. I’m going back-”

“No, you’re not,” Sergeant Kim got up and you attempted to leave but he grabbed your wrist and everyone else laughed.

“I’m here because I’m keeping an eye out for odd behaviour,” he whispered and you scoffed.

“You’re already almost drunk. I don’t think you can ‘keep an eye out’ for much longer…” you faltered when he glared at you- “... Sergeant.”

“I need you here too- you’re good at detecting odd behaviour,” he dragged you back towards the table and you sat between him and Major Kang. “Just like old times.”

“Just like old times,” you raised the drink he poured you, clicking with the rest on the table, Major San across from you, a flush already creeping up on his neck. “Just how long have you all been drinking?”

“It was going to be just us, but Sergeant Kim decided to join,” Major Kang began. “And then he called Major Yu- they’re boomer drinking buddies so they cannot even drink without each other.”

“I’m not a boomer…” Major Yu drawled. “I am the life of the party.”

You and Major Kang ignored her and you got into a discussion about who was the best drinker in the room- it was definitely Major CJ who Major Kang said had been drinking for an hour now but still looked fresh. You two began ranking the people in the room, occasionally passing a comment, purposely ignoring San’s watchful eyes on you.

“I think the worst has to be San,” you tsk-ed. “Look at him.”

Major Kang raised a brow at the way you addressed him- he had never heard you two call each other by your first names. In fact, all of you always referred to the other formally.

“I think you must be pretty down on the ranking too if you’re calling him ‘San’,” Major Kang commented and you stared at him in confusion until it sank in. However, you could redeem yourself.

“I don’t think a Major looks like that,” you pointed at the very flushed, almost drowsy and very giggly Choi San and Major Kang almost choked on his drink as he laughed. San seemed to have noticed that and wasn’t having any of it now- he got up and went around the table to push Sergeant Kim away from you so he could sit with you.

“I bet he didn’t ask you to keep an eye out for something odd,” you scoffed. “You can’t even look after yourself right now.”

“I am a fully conscious individual right now,” he began and you shared a grin with Major Kang who was watching you two. “I may look red but I’m crystal clear inside.”

“Yeah? How many fingers do you see?” Major Kang raised three fingers.

“I’m not blind. Two.”

You hadn’t laughed this hard in such a long time that you had to put your head down, feeling dizzy for a moment. Major Kang was laughing just as hard, clapping along and you looked up to see San smiling at you.

“I know it’s three. I just wanted to make you laugh.”

“Ohh,” Major Kang looked between you two. “You can’t tell me something hasn’t changed between you two now, Major Seo.”

“He’s drunk,” you shook your head. “Everything that comes out of his mouth from this point on is nonsense.”

Thus started an argument between the three of you and halfway through it, you shut your eyes and tuned out the men on either side of you now in a heated discussion about something else entirely. You opened your eyes, wanting to rest your folded arms on the table but San was taking all the space. San, and his stupid muscular arms looking spectacular in his stupid white tank top-

Yes. You were definitely tipsy now.

You definitely were, because for quite a while you simply watched the man crowding your personal space talk. You smiled at his little habits of blinking too many times when he felt dizzy or cracking his neck to shrug off the sleep. You itched to inquire about his healing progress- for all the times you complained about being his personal nurse, you sure were worried now. You licked your suddenly dry lips when he spared you a glance.

“You okay?”

“Move, you’re taking too much space,” you muttered, pushing his arm away with your elbow and he grinned. The Sergeant got San’s attention and you and Major Kang watched the others for the rest of the night-

Until most of the agents left and San was such a drunken mess that you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Will someone please take him to his room? Or just drop him here, I don’t even care,” you mumbled. “Just get him off of me, please.”

Major CJ was cackling. “I’m not touching him. He starts demanding cuddles.”

“Neither am I,” Major Kang was half asleep but not because he was drunk.

“You both literally share a room, Major,” you glared at him.

“Jongho, do you mind if I crash over tonight?” Major Kang asked.

“Not at all,” he glanced at the Sergeant. “We can throw him on the couch, you can take his bed.”

“Wow,” you tsk-ed at all of them. “Traitors, all of you. Major Han?”

“I can’t even carry myself right now,” she said, almost tripping on her feet. “Why did Major Yu leave me all alone?”

“Probably to avoid this mess,” you muttered. “Major Choi San, wake the hell up, right now.”

“I wasn’t asleep,” he mumbled.

“Then get the hell away from me?” You glared at him in disbelief- he was using your arm on the table as a pillow and it was starting to hurt. “Go to your room and sleep.”

“Help me up then,” he said, not even opening his eyes. You looked up and gathered the last of your willpower to push his head away and pull his arm.

“Take his keys,” Major Kang tossed them in the air and you caught them, flipping a finger at him. He only laughed in dismissal. You asked San to at least cooperate with you a little and that your leg would hurt if you had to carry him, which was when he finally opened his eyes and straightened.

“You shouldn’t suggest drinks ever again,” you told him, hooking your arm in his and helping him walk straight. “Look at you. Such a mess.”

“You don’t look so bad either,” he grinned and you shook your head. He pointed at the room at the end of the hall and you looked around while you walked.

“Is this your first time coming here?”

“No, but I haven’t ever visited your room since we got posted here,” you told him, unlocking his room and pushing the door open- it was pretty much the same as the other rooms but with beds on either corner of the room since he shared it with Major Kang.

“There you go,” you tried unhooking your arm but he tucked it in. “I should go now, I’m tired. Let me go.”

“I don’t want to…” he pouted and you dug your nails in his arm until he winced and let your arm go. You laughed in victory, taking a step away.

“You’re supposed to heal me, not hurt me!” He rubbed at the marks your nails left but then stopped, admiring them. “You know what? I think I’ll keep them as a badge of honour anyway.”

“Wow, okay. Want me to give you some more? This time bloody marks, perhaps?”

The way San looked at you in that moment, his eyes slowly filling with mischief and lips curling into a smirk, you finally realised what you had said. This time, you were the one flushing and you turned to leave, muttering a bye but he caught your wrist.

“Maybe I’d like that.”

“You’re very, very drunk right now,” you laughed. “You won’t remember this tomorrow anyway.”

“You think the memories don’t come back to me?” He asked, his tone changing and you stopped struggling. “You think I forgot this exact moment? In Sector 6, when…” he pulled you towards him, making you face him. “When we danced all night long… just like this,” he interlocked his fingers with yours, his other hand finding its way inside your jacket to rest on your hip. “Do you remember?”

You were afraid to ask just how much he remembered. You weren’t sure you could manage to form a question right now anyway, especially with the way he was looking at you. You could feel your walls coming down-

All it took was him bringing your interlocked hands closer to kiss your hand and you felt the years worth of effort melting in an instant.

He had done the same thing that night, in Sector 6. And you had almost kissed him and told him how much he meant to you. But you had been drunk, and you had managed to keep yourself in control, though you couldn’t stop yourself from saying things you regretted saying ever since.

You were drunk tonight too- though you were pretty sure this was the most awake you had been for a while. San still had his lips on your hand, his eyes glazed as he looked at you.

“We shouldn’t- I was drunk-”

“Then tell me you didn’t mean anything you said back then,” he scoffed. “Tell me you don’t think about us every night before you sleep. And tell me you’re not holding yourself back right now, because Major… I know you. I can see that you’re holding back.”

Indeed, he was familiar with every movement, every shift of your body like they were his own. He could read your eyes and your silence like you could read his. So when you didn’t respond, he dared to take another step and let his hand on your hip snake back so he could pull you closer, closer until you were flush against each other and you-

You couldn’t bear to look at him anymore, not without doing anything you might regret, so you did the next best thing and rested your head on his chest, making him freeze for the slightest moment before he relaxed and let go of your hand only to embrace you in a hug- a hug that made you melt into it and you wondered just how much you had craved this all along.

“Did I tell you how glad I am that you’re alive?” He mumbled, taking a deep breath when your arms finally went around his waist. You nodded, nuzzling the crook of his neck with your nose as a yes. He squeezed you in the hug before drawing back and kissing your forehead just like he had a couple nights ago. You inhaled deeply, wanting to stay in that moment forever. Perhaps he saw that- after all, this was probably the most vulnerable you had looked in front of him. Perhaps he wanted to test the waters- he kissed your cheek next, his hands resting on your shoulders.

“Do you still think I’m not in my senses?”

His words rang in your ears and for a few seconds, you just stared back at him, trying to get your brain to work and scream at you that this wasn’t something you should be doing, especially with someone you worked with. Not like this. Not now. But the silence in your brain was louder. You found yourself inching towards him, eyes fixed on his parted lips that looked like your salvation right now.

“I don’t want you to do something you will regret later-”

You ignored his warning and pulled him towards you, meeting his lips in a kiss. You drew back, finding him more surprised than you had thought- as if he hadn’t practically led you here with his own hands. You kissed his lips again, tasting the sweet tinge of alcohol- a reminder that perhaps, this wasn’t right. But you didn’t care. You’ve had enough of this. So you kissed him yet again, but he remained unmoving. You drew back and frowned in confusion.

“Why won’t you kiss me back, Sannie?”

It was like you calling him by that name undid something in him- he let out a guttural sound before cupping your face and kissing you back like it was the last time he would get to do so- and perhaps, he feared that it was. With your somewhat clouded minds, maybe this was just in the heat of the moment- for you- because he was so sure about himself. He had wanted you for so, so long and now that he finally had you-

You tried to meet the pace of his desperate kisses but it was overwhelming you, so you let him kiss you as he liked for a moment before breaking apart for air. You cupped his face, your heart breaking at the way he looked so unguarded.

“San- I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere- I’m right here.”

“You’re here… with me.”

“I’m here,” you nodded with a smile, pecking his lips. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

San understood and then kissed you so gently that the butterflies you got earlier in your stomach felt weak- this was how it should feel, like something in you was becoming undone and you could melt right there, in his arms, and be there forever. You wrapped your arms around his neck to meet his lips better and he held you close to him as if his arms were the only reason you were standing- you realised it was true because your knees were putty. He made you wrap your legs around him and pinned you to the wall, making you sit on his thigh while he kissed you.

The way he kissed… you were absolutely losing it. The sound of his mouth on yours and the little grunts he produced were driving you crazy. The way his hands stayed on your waist, his thumbs hooking on your tank top made you shiver against him and he smiled into the kiss. And his tongue- oh goodness. He was incredible and you were wondering why you hadn’t done this earlier.

This time when you broke apart, he started trailing kisses down your neck and you shut your eyes in pleasure, rocking against his body, and when his lips stayed on one part of your skin unmoving but his hands gripped your hips, you realised he liked what you were doing. He liked you moving against his thigh. He looked up, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Just how long have you wanted me, Major Seo?”

You raised a brow, annoyed, and smacked his arm, making him chuckle and capture your lips in a kiss again, guiding you towards his bed where he sat you, getting on top of you and you were both grinning and about to kiss again when-

When you both heard the sound of click on the door and couldn’t do anything but watch Major Kang enter, humming to himself, and then looking up-

And freezing.

For a few moments, it was so silent that you could hear your own heartbeat in your ears.

“Uh… carry on, please, don’t stop on my account,” he finally said, looking mortified. “I’ll just see myself out-”

“Wait-” you called but he only waved and disappeared, making you look at San-

And then you both burst into laughter, unable to tone it down, laughing as loudly as you could until you had tears in your eyes. San wiped his eyes, shaking his head at you.

“You really won’t be laughing like this tomorrow, y/n. I hope you will be, but I know you.”

Your smile slowly fell. You found San’s hand and looked at your interlocked hands for a long time. San didn’t ask what you were thinking- he knew anyways. So when you said you were going back to your room now, he let you- but not before he kissed you again and you responded enthusiastically- you really had no control over yourself tonight, it almost turned into another makeout session but San drew back.

“You should go. But when tomorrow comes… don’t tell me you regret any of this, okay?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

He visibly relaxed. “Goodnight, y/n. I’ll come with you- I have to fetch Major Kang anyway. He might be traumatised.”

You chuckled, saying goodbye and going to your room and finding yourself unable to sleep because you couldn’t help replaying what just happened in your head- smiling like an idiot in love.

Maybe you were.

—--------------------------

“Can you stop looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Major Kang raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not looking at you.”

You paused in the middle of cleaning your bullet wound to glare at the man in front of you who was also in the middle of changing his own bandages in the medical ward. He stifled a smile but failed, opting to turn his back to you instead.

“Just say it. Say it and get it over with.”

Major Kang sighed deeply. “Look, I’m not interested in what you and Major Choi do when you’re both alone- ” You threw the roll of surgical tape at him which he caught with a glare but he continued, “-I really did not have to see that sight when I came into my room, Major Seo. That’s all I’m saying.”

Years of training did not teach you how to keep the flush from your face. “I didn’t mean to-”

“Yeah, I’ve heard it before. ‘It just happened’- ”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “It really did just happen.”

“Don’t tell me it was your first time,” he scoffed and when he didn’t get a response, he gasped out loud, actually looking concerned for once. “It was your first time?”

“Yes,” you muttered, looking around and glad no one was in the vicinity. “If you’re thinking me and Major Choi are a thing, you’re wrong.”

“So you only made out yesterday because you were drunk?”

Was what you were asking yourself ever since the morning too. It was definitely not because you were drunk- moreover, you promised San that you would not regret this.

And you did not. You were just confused about a number of things, especially how this would go on now. And you were glad the day was almost over and you still hadn’t come across San because you weren’t sure you could face him right now- you needed to get your thoughts straightened.

“You’re confused,” Major Kang scanned your face with curiosity. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this confused, and I’ve known you for a very long time now. Something happened when you two were out there until we came to retrieve you, right?”

You sighed deeply, finishing bandaging your leg again and seating yourself on the corner of the bed. “I always thought that Major Choi joked around with me, but you know how he gets around me when he’s drunk, right?” Major Kang nodded and you continued. “I thought he only did that to rile me up or something-”

“He didn’t, but okay, carry on.”

You passed him a side-eye. “We’ve had a few moments in the past two years. Moments when I wondered if Major Choi was going to cross the boundaries of professionalism and do something that might change our dynamic-”

“Can you sound any more cryptic?” Major Kang sighed. “Just say that you like him.”

“I do!” You groaned out loud, burying your face in the bed.

“Major Choi likes you too- you’ve just been too blind to see it.”

“I know.”

“Then I don’t see the problem?”

“I just…” you got up. “We’re special agents, Major Kang. Do you think it’s a wise decision to make? To be with a member of your team, of all the people in the world? We walk into death’s trap every other day and it’s honestly a miracle that we’re still alive, isn’t it? We’re on borrowed time. I just… I cannot make this more complicated than it already is.”

“Hmm… it makes sense,” Major Kang finished bandaging his own arm and sat next to you. “But that’s the agent in you speaking about all this professionalism and stuff. It’s not like the other agents here don’t have a family. Major Yu is a mother. You think she didn’t think about this before marrying a civilian?”

You bit your lips- it was true. Major Yu was someone you had immense respect for- she was balancing her work and personal life extremely well. As a mother, as someone with a family, she probably risked more than any one of you when going into missions. Major CJ was the only provider in his family too.

“I think there’s something else you’re scared of… and perhaps, you haven’t figured out what exactly that is yet,” Major Kang smiled knowingly. “I think you just need to go with the flow. If you really think you’re on borrowed time, shouldn’t you be living each moment to the fullest instead of holding yourself back?”

That line stuck with you.

It stuck with you for the rest of the day, making you wonder just what would be so bad about being with Choi San and what was really stopping you and making you so afraid of the future.

You didn’t try to find Major Choi that day but you knew you couldn’t avoid him forever. You did come across him the next day but it was with everyone else and it was very casual- as if nothing had happened between you two. You were arguing just like usual, met up with Sergeant Kim to get the files and data for your next mission and the three of you planned a strategy for hours until you parted ways for the night. You wondered if he had actually been so drunk that he forgot the events of that night when a knock sounded on your door and you checked the time, wondering if it was one of the girls who needed something-

And blinked twice when you opened the door and found Major Choi in front of you.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, looking around, wondering if something had happened-

“Shouldn’t we talk?”

Oh. Your eyes went wide and you pulled him inside, shutting the door. “You shouldn’t come here so casually.”

“Why? Major CJ comes and goes as he pleases- I’ve never seen anyone feel strange about that.”

“Jongho is everyone’s baby here,” you told him. “He’s like our little brother. We don’t mind him,” you grinned. “However, you coming here is another story-”

“Oh? On a first name basis with Jongho yet the first time you called my name in years is because we thought we wouldn’t live to see the next day?”

You scanned his figure- he was still in his uniform and it looked like he hadn’t gone back to his room at all. He had removed the bandage from his cheekbone so there was a dull graze instead. His hair was no longer combed back but messily falling on his forehead as if he had been running his hands through them.

“If you wanted to be called by your name that bad, you could have just asked,” you said casually, steering towards the small kitchen in your room and offering him a drink. He raised a brow.

“Should we drink again?”

You sighed deeply, resting your figure against the counter and ditching the drinks. “You came to talk.”

“How’s your leg?”

“Oh, it’s fine,” you looked down at your bandaged calf. “How’s your arm?”

“What do I mean to you?”

The room fell silent. The silence was too suffocating. You did not realise how long you simply stared at San until he took a step towards you and you took a step back, watching hurt flash in his eyes.

“Wait, let me just…” you tried saying something to undo that moment, swallowing the anxious wave that spread through you. You took a deep breath and looked at the man-

The man who meant the world to you. The only person who had been in your life for so long and was such a big part of it. How could you ever tell him that with words?

“Just tell me one thing, y/n,” he insisted, his voice low and so cautious. “Tell me if you regret where we are right now.”

“I don’t,” your response was immediate. “I don’t regret any moment of it.”

“Then what are you so afraid of?”

You looked away and this time you didn’t stop San as he inched closer towards you until he could hold your hands in his. “Tell me what’s holding you back.”

Your heart fluttered at the sight of your linked hands. You weren’t sure you could say anything that would not hurt him at that moment but there were some things you needed to address. “Should we really do this, Major? We’re special agents. We’re a team. You can’t tell me this is a good decision.”

“Do you think I care about that?” He asked. “We’re a team and we will continue to be a team. Nothing will change.”

“That’s a lie, though,” you smiled sadly as you looked at him. “Everything will change. Everything has changed.”

“Not for me,” he brought one hand to tuck your hair behind your ear, studying your eyes and trying to decipher the puzzling look in them. “I have loved you for so long that it’s become a part of me now.”

You shut your eyes, letting that sink in and when he took another step towards you, you didn’t stop him as he kissed your forehead. “I know you feel at least a fraction of what I feel for you. So tell me all your fears, y/n. I’m here.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” You laughed a bit. “I’ve always talked about professionalism, haven’t I? I’ve always talked about how unprofessional it is to have an intimate relationship with someone in this field when you don’t even know if you will live to see the next day. How can I do this and not be afraid, Major?”

“I mean…” he pouted. “You’re right but we’re still alive-”

“Major Choi San-”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” he laughed and you were kind of grateful that he was keeping it light because you weren’t sure what sort of a mess you would become otherwise. “I know what you mean. I feel that as much as you do. But y/n…” he caressed your cheek. “Every mission where we cheat death, I grow more and more afraid of losing you. And then I think about what I will regret if I lose you- not telling you how I feel about you. How much you mean to me.”

“That’s why I’m afraid, San,” you admitted. “I know one day it’s going to happen. I know why I’m here, I know how dangerous it is, and I have seen what happens when you lose someone in this manner. You know that.”

You were referring to your mother. He knew the stories about your family quite well- you told him when you first became friends. “This war is ugly. We’re here to end this and we will die in the process. It is our fate. We’re only going to make it more complicated for us if we do this.”

Major Choi did not like the way you thought about these things- time and time again, you both had been on opposite ends in this argument. He had tried so hard to break your walls and make you see life from an optimistic lens. He wished you could take a peek in his mind.

“I would rather die happy than to live regretting what I could have done for the rest of my life,” San said, making you lock eyes with him. “I would rather have known the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin on my skin than to imagine what it could have been,” he leaned down to whisper in your ears-

“And I would rather have known the sounds you make when I touch you, because god, I cannot get those sounds out of my head.”

Warmth pooled in your stomach at his words and perhaps he was good at triggering you to do things you wouldn’t normally do because you saw the opportunity and took it- you saw his bare neck and snaked your hand up to push the collar of his jacket to the side so you could plant a sweet kiss at the spot you had your eyes on- the spot that had made him squirm that night. This time, he was the one making those sounds and perhaps he was right-

You’d rather die having known all those things. Having known what he felt like, in every way possible.

San’s grip on your waist tightened a bit as you trailed kisses up his neck to his jaw and then caressed the scar on his cheekbone with your thumb. You were dazed in that moment and you did not want to think about anything else except the fact that he was so close to you right now, so close that you could feel the warmth of his body and it felt so welcoming. You buried your face in the crook of his neck, realising it might be your favourite spot. San let you have your moment until he hummed to make sure you were alright.

“What are you thinking, love?”

You sighed. How could you ever get used to him calling you ‘love’? How could you ever get used to being in his arms and feeling so safe? How could you go to the field with him covering you? You would want to shield him from everything. But then…

You have always felt that way. Perhaps he was right. It wouldn’t be so different.

You didn’t respond. You drew back and scanned his face once before locking your gaze on his lips. He got the signal and he immediately planted his lips on yours and you kissed him, feeling every nerve in your body ignite with pleasure. One of his hands went to rest on the back of your neck, his thumb caressing your skin and guiding you as he kissed you better, deeper until you had to draw away and catch your breath.

You melted at the way he couldn’t open his eyes for a few moments. For the shortest moment, you could understand why you were afraid of all the wrong reasons, though that did nothing to soothe your anxiety. It was only San kissing you again that made you forget about all your fears and let yourself get lost in that moment. He picked you up effortlessly and took you to the couch, placing you down ever so gently as he got on top of you.

“I need you to use your words,” San moved your hair away from your face gently, searching your eyes. “Tell me we’re good.”

“We’re good,” you nodded. “San, please-”

San realised what you meant when he noticed the position you both were in- he was hovering on top of you but his knee was dangerously close to your core. His breath got caught and he looked at you again but before you could take the matters into your own hands, he held your wrists.

“Tell me what you want.”

You groaned, looking away but San wasn’t having any of it. He leaned closer, turning your face to him gently by placing his fingers under your chin and made you lock eyes with him. You watched his lips curl into a smile and he said, “Look at you, Major. You’re all flushed.”

“Shut up,” you laughed, attempting to hide your face but he was grinning, not allowing you to do so. You huffed in defeat, locking eyes with him yet again, trailing one hand up his arm and then down his chest to unbutton his jacket slowly. San watched you while you did that and then his jacket fell open, leaving him with a black tank top underneath. You were about to snake both your hands under when he gripped your wrists again.

“You still haven’t answered me.”

“I want you,” you breathed, propelling yourself forward so you could meet his lips and you pecked them. “I want you, Major. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, however short it may be, even though the rational part of my brain still thinks it’s a bad idea,” you said, letting San fall back on the couch so you were now on top of him with your legs on either side of him. “I don’t know how long I’ve wanted you for, how long I’ve loved you because I know I do, I just… never allowed myself to think about this, so,” you bit your lips, looking at him and finding his gaze overwhelming. His grip on your wrists loosened and you took that chance to place your hands on his collarbones, caressing them. “You mean so much to me. I will always be afraid of losing you. And I don’t know how we’ll figure this out- how I will figure this out since you seem to have the hang of it already, but…” you both laughed at that and you locked eyes with him. “I want you.”

San kissed you, lingering there. “Say that again.”

“I want you,” you breathed, meeting his lips again and opening your mouth as soon as his tongue swiped your lips, your arms going around his neck to hold him closer as you kissed. It wasn’t rushed yet there was a sense of urgency now that you both had bared your hearts to each other. And San wasn’t shy while making out with you at all. His hands were everywhere and soon, he shifted so he was back to being on top of you, which was when he started to trail his lips down your neck.

“Can I take this off?” He asked, fisting your shirt and you nodded, taking off his jacket first. He smirked, taking off your shirt for you and leaving you in a black athletic bra. He shook his head in amusement but went back to trailing kisses down your neck. You shut your eyes and lowered your defences- that was what he was aiming to do. His kisses were gradually releasing all the tension from your shoulders and you wondered how he knew that. His hands travelled up your waist and you opened your eyes, nodding and he wasted no time taking off your bra as well and when you pouted, he laughed, taking off his tank top.

“Now we’re even,” he grinned, looking shamelessly at you and you resisted the urge to fold in on yourself.

“No, we’re not,” you muttered. “And stop looking at me like I’m your last meal.”

San laughed heartily, kissing your lips and you smiled into the kiss. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful. Seo beautiful.”

“Shut up,” you groaned. “That joke is the worst thing I’ve heard.”

“It cracks you up everytime,” he muttered against your mouth, kissing you again and diving down, his hand cupping one of your breasts and playing with it while he kissed and licked and nibbled everywhere he could. You couldn’t breathe and you put a hand over your mouth as if you needed to stifle your sounds but he noticed that and held your hand away.

“Don’t be shy, Major. I need to hear you make all those pretty sounds.”

“God, you’re insufferable-” you began but he went to attack your sweet spot right at that moment, earning a little moan and then he smiled in victory, making you slap his arm. You decided that he had teased you enough and with your legs, you pushed him away to get back on top of him, your chests flush against each other and your arms around his neck, holding his face closer to yours as you kissed him deeply, rolling your hips on his lap and earning a loud groan from him. You grinned in the kiss but this time, it was you who groaned when he grabbed your waist and made you do that again.

“Don’t stop,” he pleaded, kissing you again and you nodded, matching his movements and finding him hard against your core. You weren’t trying to hold back your noises anymore and neither was he, and you were glad at least one of you had a room all to themself so you could do this without any worries. You gave up on kissing at some point and snaked your hands down his chest to the plane of his stomach, tracing his abs, and then down and down-

“Shall we take this to bed?” San suggested, stifling a groan when your hands played with the waistband of his pants. “You’re not shy anymore.”

You shrugged and he got up, making you wrap yourself around him, giggling as he made his way to your bed, dropping you gently. He caressed your injured leg. “We don’t want you to be uncomfortable, do we?”

You hummed, letting him take your trousers off and he got back on top of you, admiring your body and wondering where to start. You poked his stomach with your toes and he laughed, nuzzling your neck with his nose and you took a moment to memorise how that felt, because…

You felt so, so safe. There were no alarms ringing in your head. There were no sounds alerting you except the sound of his breath or his kisses which relaxed you. There was no sense of rush, for all your talk about ‘being short on time’. You wrapped your arms around him and he was quick to detect the sudden shift in your mood but didn’t say anything. He knew you were figuring it out along the way now, and he was elated that you even gave him a chance to prove that it wasn’t as bad as you thought. He settled next to you, bringing you in his arms and you placed a leg on top of him. His hands went to cup your thigh and your breath hitched at the sensation of his hand so near where you wanted him so, so bad. You fiddled closer and he kissed your head, letting his hands caress your inner thigh.

“Are we good?”

“So good,” you almost moaned, kissing his lips again. You wanted- no, needed him at this point. And you were glad he understood you so well, so when his fingers slid inside your panties, you shuddered against him. He caressed your folds, finding you soaked and kissing you eagerly as he slid his fingers up your wet folds, rubbing your clit once and you moaned into the kiss, pushing your hips against his hand to meet his movements better. He continued like that, just teasing you and kissing all your moans away before he finally slid one finger inside you-

“Fuck,” he groaned in your ear. “You feel so good.”

You didn’t respond, shutting your eyes and letting him continue like that for a while until he slid another finger inside you and you groaned loudly.

“Gosh, you’re perfect,” he met your lips in an open mouthed kiss. “Look at you. All needy for me.”

“You look like you’ve done this before,” you bit your lips, stifling a moan. “You’re pretty good at what you’re doing.”

“Am I?” He grinned, pressing his thumb to your clit and making you squirm. “I think it’s just because I know you so well. I know exactly how to get you riled up, Major.”

You rolled your eyes but when he started to stop teasing and start pleasing, you brought him closer, your kisses messy and needier now as he drove you to the edge and he drew back to watch you fall apart on his fingers, shuddering deeply and out of breath. He peppered kisses on your face as you recovered from your high and you finally opened your eyes.

“Shall I return the favour?”

San raised a brow before it hit him and he groaned. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if you decide to touch me tonight, Major.”

“I never asked you to stop-”

“Shh,” he scolded, putting a finger on your lips and you took that chance to kiss it, making him laugh in disbelief. “I don’t want to rush anything with you,” he kissed you deeply. “I will have you soon, I promise that. I should let your leg heal first. I know it still hurts.”

You pouted deeply and he settled next to you, holding you in his arms. “Just let me hold you like this tonight, okay?”

“If that’s what you want,” you said, content to be right there. There was no better feeling than this. “I will have my revenge soon, though.”

“Oh? Is that how it is now?”

“Yes,” you grinned, “I will settle the score soon.”

San shook his head in amusement and you teased each other for a while, occasionally riling the other up until you both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

—----------------------------

You were starting to understand why people always choose love no matter what their circumstances were. You were starting to understand how they found love even in the darkest of times, because…

Choi San was making sure that you would never feel alone or sad again.

A lot had changed since that night. While working, you two were pretty much the same. He would still rile you up with his bad jokes (were they bad if they did make you crack up later?) and you would still threaten to off him each time. It was very casual like before, yet…

He still refused to get his bandages changed by anyone else and invited himself to your room each morning and night so you could play his nurse. In the mornings since you were short on time and had to get to work, you two would joke around or share a light kiss which was routine now- you still marvelled at how it had become something you could call ‘routine’. But at night…

You asked Major Kang later if he was lonely because his roommate was spending most of his nights in your room. He only laughed in response and said he couldn’t care less because Major Choi annoyed him enough in the day so he could make up for it. You tsk-ed at that, having missed the chance to use that card on San so he could stop coming to your room all the time- surely the others must have noticed now as well. But could you really put all the blame on him when you were just as eager to see him at nights as he was?

Perhaps, you were more to blame. He would come in your room with the excuse of you checking on his wounds, and each time you would end up tracing the scars on his body, kissing some of them and that would turn into a makeout session and more, until you were skin on skin. He would return the favour then- trace your scars but each time with a story-

“I wish I had reacted earlier so you wouldn’t have gotten this.”

“I wish I had been there instead of you.”

You knew that the Major had the softest heart since the beginning, but it still amazed you when he looked at you with such hurt in his eyes, as if it physically pained him to see your body littered with scars. You told him it was okay, that these scars were unavoidable and you didn’t think much of them, but he only responded that he found them beautiful- especially the ones you took for him.

“Oh? Can you count all the ones I took for you?” You had asked.

“I can. I bet you can count all the ones I took for you too,” he responded with a smirk.

He was right. You could. You had his body memorised since the very beginning- you could trace each of his scars with your eyes shut. You told him that and he was pretty pleased to hear that, attacking you with newfound affection and adoration that sometimes you found overwhelming but loved anyway. Overwhelming only because you had pushed him away all these years and-

And because it reminded you of your parents.

Your parents had been so much in love. Your mother would wait for the weekends when it was time for your father to visit from the army. She would become a different person in his presence and you had loved that about her. You often resented your mother for breaking apart after your father’s sudden death, but now you were starting to understand what she must have felt because you were sure you would be the same. However…

She did not possess the power to protect her partner. You did.

You were thinking about that when San nuzzled your cheek and broke you out of your trance. “You’re zoning out, love.”

You realised that you were- you had been staring at the documents in your hands for far too long now. You cleared your throat and started arranging them again so you could get back to the page you had been reading before you got lost in your head. San watched you do so and asked, “Is something bothering you?”

“No, I was just thinking about a few things,” you said, remembering where your train of thoughts started when you found the page. “Look- that’s Agent Golf, right? From Squad 6?”

“Major Lee, yes,” San scanned the page. “From that damned mission two years ago.”

You recalled that very well- the agents here still referred to that incident because everyone thought it had been a mistake to take an injured agent to the field. Sure, you needed manpower at that time and every soldier counted, but…

You all could still have avoided Major Lee’s death.

“I don’t remember him much, I’m sure you’ve interacted with him more,” you began and San nodded in agreement, “Was he close to his squad members? Like we are?”

“He was one of the older members,” San recalled. “So I’m sure his juniors depended on him a lot.”

“Did they ever find his body? I remember the funeral but I remember they didn’t find a body.”

“I’ll have to ask Sergeant Kim. What are you thinking?”

“I’m just wondering…” you began, your gut feeling making you confused. “I’m wondering if he is still alive.”

“If he was…” San shifted towards you. “I’m sure someone would have gone to retrieve him or he would have found his way back. It’s been two years.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” you shook your head and put the page back inside the folder. “It’s sad. We don’t even know if he had a family.”

“I’m sure his squad members will be taking care of that,” San placed his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it assuringly. “What’s really bothering you, love?”

You passed him a side-eye as you smiled. He knew you too well. “Nothing. I just don’t like the idea of performing a background check on people we are supposed to trust. I don’t like the idea that there is a rat among us.”

San could understand. “I’m more surprised than mad. I don’t know why anyone would choose to do that- when Eden has destroyed our home and families.”

“Right? I’m trying to look into why anyone would do that in the first place. That way we would be able to narrow down our suspects.”

“And is that why you were looking into Major Lee? Do you think he might be alive?”

“I was probably overthinking,” you sighed, cracking your neck. “I’ll look into the rest later. Do you want some tea? Coffee?”

“Coffee, please,” San said and you nodded, kissing his temple and getting up to go to the kitchen. Today had been a long day and you were getting tired of suspecting everyone around you- at least not your squad. They could never do that.

You were just mixing up different blends of coffee when you felt arms wrap around your waist and you jumped, making San laugh. “I didn’t even hear you!”

“I wasn’t trying to be silent. You’re too lost in your head tonight,” San kissed the top of your head. “Long day?”

“Since I can’t go to the field for a while, Major Yu is making me do all her paperwork while she goes in my place,” you sighed. “I like being in the field better. I can’t sit at the desk all day.”

“I miss you too,” San muttered and you laughed, trying to grab the sugar pot but San just held you closer, resting his head against yours. “I miss being on the field with you. I had to partner up with Major Yu- she couldn’t stop cracking jokes through the radio- I almost got caught because of her twice.”

“I think that’s how she copes,” you giggled. “And you better be careful. I’m done nursing your wounds.”

“Are you?” San backed away only to stare at you. “Because I distinctly recall you kissing all my wounds a couple nights ago-”

You smacked his chest, asking him to back away if he wanted his coffee, but when he swung you around whilst tickling you, you were positive your laugh must have rang throughout the dorms and you put a hand over your mouth when he placed you on the counter.

“Major Choi San, the entire dorm must have heard my laugh-”

San shut you up with a kiss, catching you by surprise. However, you were quick to melt into it, the butterflies in your stomach wild. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss and when he broke apart, he watched you as you caught your breath, your lashes fluttering while you gazed at his lips- he was driving you insane.

“You know how much I love it when you laugh, don’t you?”

You sighed internally- the Major was pretty direct with his words and feelings. No beating around the bush- not from him. Sometimes, you appreciated that because he was so clear and straightforward with you, no room left for confusion.

But at times when he said things like these…

San smiled, watching your cheeks get flushed. “You know… I never thought it was that simple to make you blush. With just words. You never blush when we make out or have sex, but…”

“What can I say? I’m not hard to please,” you laughed a bit, burying your face in his neck, still shy from his sudden comment. “Maybe you should have tried that instead of teasing me all this time.”

San hummed in agreement, running his hands down your arms and then snaking them inside your shirt to hold you at your waist. You kissed his neck in response, fisting his shirt and looking up at him. “This needs to go.”

“Oh?” San scoffed. “Not tired anymore, are you?”

“Oh, I still am,” you helped him take off his T-shirt, running your hands across the smooth planes of his chest. “I’m just waiting for you to do something about it.”

“And? What would you like me to do about it?” San brought his hand up to your face to caress it as he looked at you lovingly, tracing the curves and edges of your face and sliding a thumb across your lips, a faint hint of smirk on his own lips as he slid his thumb inside your mouth. You pretended to bite him, making him grin but then you sucked on it until he looked pleased. He traced it across your lower lip again before kissing you softly.

“Words, love. I need your words.”

“You can do whatever you want to me-”

“That’s pretty vague,” San cocked his head. “I could leave you right here and go back to sleep.”

“Well then,” you huffed. “Why don’t you bend me over and fuck me? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Ah, that’s better,” San started taking off your clothes until you were in your panties only. You watched him take in the sight- he always did that. His eyes would travel everywhere along your body as he ran his rough palms across them, and then he would start kissing your neck, peppering kisses anywhere he liked until you were squirmy and needy for him. It was as if he aimed to please you and you alone- he wouldn’t let you have your way until he was done with you.

You clenched your thighs as he stopped sucking on the crook of your neck and he noticed, raising a brow. “Already needy for me?”

“Do something about it,” you said through gritted teeth and he let his hands run down your sides until he hooked his thumbs in the waistband of your panties. You spread your legs for him, your core throbbing painfully now- and perhaps, he could see it on how you furrowed your brows. San rubbed at your clothed clit and you moaned loudly-

And that was his undoing. He dragged you closer and slid his fingers under your panties, sliding them along your wet folds and sliding his tongue in your mouth simultaneously, making you grip his shoulders as he kissed you. You lifted yourself up so he could take off your panties and he did, bending down to slide them off your legs and gripping your thighs afterwards, spreading them to see the mess he had made-

“In just a few minutes… you really want me that bad?” He commented and you groaned.

“Fuck you.”

“Oh, you will,” he promised, trailing kisses up your thighs and keeping them apart before his lips reached dangerously close to your core. He looked up at you once, settling on his knees before licking up a stripe and you cursed loudly, one hand supporting you up while the other automatically went to grip San’s hair-

Oh, how he loved that. He licked up again before his tongue dived inside you and his thumb started rubbing slow, slow and steady circles on your clit. It was too much and at the same time, it was not enough- you wanted him impossibly closer to you. He was driven by your moans and he was so good at what he was doing. You tried clenching your thighs but he wouldn’t let you. You moaned shamelessly when his nose rubbed against your clit as he shifted his position and at this point, he was practically making out with your clit.

“San, please,” you begged. “I’m so close.”

He only hummed, inserting a finger inside you- he had done this enough times now to know exactly what drove you to the edge. The combination of his finger inside you, his nose rubbing against your clit and his tongue lapping your juices while he hummed against you drove you to your high and you tugged at his hair as you broke apart, clenching your thighs against his face but he did not stop- he continued with his ministrations until you were spent and you recovered from your orgasm. When he finally looked up at you, he grinned and you chuckled to yourself, running your hands through his hair. He got up and wiped his mouth with his hand.

“You’re delicious.”

“Shut up,” you smacked his chest but he shook his head, capturing your lips in an open mouthed kiss and diving his tongue inside so you could taste yourself on him and the way he kissed you, gripping your neck and hips and scooting you closer so you spread your legs and met his hard bulge made warmth pool in your stomach again for what was in store next.

“I’m nowhere near done, as you can already tell,” he muttered, tucking your hair back before taking out a condom from his pocket and shrugging down his trousers and boxers, his hard length swollen and ready to take you. You licked your lips at the sight and he noticed that, shaking his head in amusement as he pumped himself a few times before wrapping the condom around his length.

“Fuck me, San.”

“What?”

“Fuck me, Major Choi San,” you said, not a shred of exhaustion in you as you wrapped your legs around his waist and brought him closer, his length wedged between the two of you. “I want you to fuck me right here, hard.”

San growled in your ear, biting your earlobe in response and positioning his cock to meet your wet folds, rubbing it against them a few times before sliding it inside you and you helped position yourself better, letting out a deep breath once he was fully wedged inside you-

And then he pumped himself in you- hard.

Your eyes rolled back in pleasure and he started pumping his length in and out of you, kissing you anywhere his mouth could meet in between, your hands running across his back, chest, waist, and gripping at his hips.

“Harder, San. Harder,” you begged. “I don’t want you to be soft this time.”

“Babe, do you want me to break you?” San asked, slowing down.

“Yes,” you breathed, kissing his lips. “Break me.”

San groaned, placing his hand on your neck and pushing you back until you were flat on the counter and you decided you liked this position better already, until-

Until he placed your legs on his shoulders and started pumping into you and your moans got uncontrollably loud, his length hitting you so deep in places you hadn’t discovered earlier.

“You like this, huh?” San groaned. “Want me to use you like a ragdoll?”

You only moaned in response, already close even though he seemed nowhere near done and you wondered if you really should have asked for this- though the pleasure now was nothing like what you had before. He took your hand and placed it on your stomach, pressing it so you could feel him pumping in and out of you, while his other hand remained on your neck, occasionally squeezing it lightly making your walls clench around him uncontrollably.

“So tight for me,” San grunted, “Always so tight for me.”

“I’m so close-”

As soon as you said that, San squeezed the sides of your neck and pumped deeply into you, making you break apart with a loud moan, the orgasm heightened thanks to his hand on your neck. He continued for a few moments until he, too, groaned loudly and reached his orgasm, shaking as his body rested on top of you.

You both stayed like that for a few moments with you caressing his head. When he recovered, he started peppering soft kisses all over your face, making you giggle. He drew back to lock eyes with you, and before he could say anything-

“I love you so much.”

His eyes went a little wide at the sudden confession. He smiled, pecking your lips. “I love you too. I’m glad you finally caved in, y/n. I’m glad you’re mine.”

“Hmm, you might need to be a little more convincing…”

San raised a brow, laughing loudly at your suggestion. He snatched a few tissues from the table and started cleaning your thighs.

“Next time you say that you’re tired,” he began. “I’ll understand that you just mean you want to be fucked-”

“San!” You laughed, getting up from the counter and down on the floor, your legs wobbly and you instinctively held on to him.

“You were saying?”

You glared at the man, smacking his chest as you muttered you were going to the shower. He shook his head, deciding to follow you there too.

—----------------------------

“Route 2 is clear, Team 1 please proceed forward,” you said into the radio, switching your position to the other window, making sure Team 1’s exit point was also clear. You heard a ‘copy that’ confirmation and zoomed in on the exit.

“All clear on the West Exit. Team 2, please report your status?”

“We’re ready,” Major Choi’s voice sounded.

“Copy that. Proceed to the West Exit from Route 4. Team 3, I need confirmation for data retrieval?”

“Data retrieved,” Major Han responded.

You moved to the other end of the room, signalling Major Yeom to keep watch on the West Exit while you checked Team 3’s route. After confirming a clear path, you called in the radio, “Team 3 towards North Exit- avoid Route 3. I spot movement.”

“Copy that,” Major Han confirmed and you watched for any signs of movement. All seemed clear and you allowed your shoulders to relax a bit, taking a deep breath. You switched positions with Major Yeom again, asking if everything seemed okay and he reported that it did.

“Team 1 has exited,” Sergeant Kim called.

“Copy that,” you finally spotted Team 2 not far behind, Major Choi and Major Yu walking stealthily towards the gate, the enemy guard having disappeared to switch rotations. You watched them exit and exhaled another breath of relief.

“I’m spotting movement on the North Exit,” Major Yeom called and you waited until Team 2 was safely outside and signalled their exit before joining Major Yeom across the room. You zoomed in with your binoculars and indeed, three guards seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. You frowned, “Where did they come from?”

“I spotted them around that building,” Major Yeom pointed, turning on his radio and you nodded. He called, “Team 3, please halt. Proceed to find shelter- movement spotted near the North Exit at your 10 o’clock.”

“Copy that,” Major CJ answered. Major Yeom alerted the Squad 6 members waiting for Team 3 at the North Exit and you dared to ask him something.

“How has your squad been holding up after Agent Oscar?”

Major Yeom slowly brought the binoculars down, glancing at you for a moment. “Uh… we’re holding up okay, for the most part. It’s not the first time this happened after all.”

You felt a sharp sting at his words but you knew what he meant. He was probably talking about the past members such as Major Lee and the others. “I know. Somehow… you get used to being okay. You just have to be.”

“Yeah…” Major Yeom switched his binoculars. “You… you saved Agent Bravo, right?”

“Agent Oscar too,” you pointed out, sparing him a glance. “Before the enemy fired and we lost Oscar. He wasn’t in the best state anyway- I think he lost his leg.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you think they do to you when they capture you, Major?” You asked, not waiting for his response as you guided Team 3 to switch buildings. “Agent Oscar was unfortunate enough to be questioned by the enemy. They were getting answers out of him when we arrived- Major Choi and I.”

“I… I did not know that,” Major Yeom sighed.

“Team 3?” You called into the radio. “I think you have a tail.”

“Shall we split?” Major CJ asked.

“No, it’s better to stick together,” you answered, asking Major Yeom to guide Team 3 to the North Exit or steer them towards the West Exit while you went to the other corner of the room and took out the radio meant for you and the Sergeant only.

“Sergeant?”

“I’m here,” Sergeant Kim sounded grim already. “Team 3 has a tail?”

“You’re thinking what I’m thinking?” You asked, making sure to keep your voice low.

“I’m going to inspect everyone who’s back. I don’t care anymore,” Sergeant Kim began but you bit your lips in thought.

“Wait- not yet,” you told him. “It would make it too obvious. Let’s wait until we get back and we’ll see what we have to do.”

Sergeant Kim did not respond for a few seconds but then he gave you an okay and you went back to join Major Yeom. The Team was being guided to the North Exit now and you resorted to watching Major Yeom plan out a new route. You occasionally quipped in and it took another half an hour for Team 3 to make a safe exit at north and you finally sat down and drank water.

“Good job, Major,” you said and he passed a smile, nodding. “I’m wondering why they were being tailed. Nobody spotted them during the mission.”

“Maybe they watched and decided to confront them later,” Major Yeom shrugged and you agreed, though you highly doubted that. You both packed your gear and started to exit out of the building, going inside the basement and walking in silence along the path that connected to a building right outside the West Exit. Bumping fists with the Major after making it through, you walked to your car where Sergeant Kim awaited, looking-

“Very grumpy. You’re making it too obvious.”

“I can’t help it,” he said. “There is a rat in our base who knew we were going to be here today. Who knew exactly what our plan was.”

“Let’s talk about it when we get back,” you whispered, patting his arm and going to Major Choi who was waving at you, looking rather cheerful.

“What’s got you in a good mood today?”

“Ask her,” San pointed at Major Yu who was in a heated discussion with Major Kang. You stood next to San, listening to their discussion and smacking San’s thigh when he tried holding your hand.

“-so I asked my husband if he could really get me some tickets to the festival. And he’s such a sweetheart- it was tough but he managed to get exactly 7 tickets for the 7 of us!” Major Yu grinned. “So we’re scheduling our vacation next month and all going to Sector 6. I don’t care if you have to go see your families or friends- you all are coming with me to Sector 6 first before you go home.”

Major Kang got up and saluted her dramatically, making everyone laugh. You looked at San who already had a shit-eating grin on his face. You leaned closer, “I know what’s going on in your head right now. Cleanse your brain.”

“Not a chance,” he blew a kiss and you swatted it, making a face, Major Kang noticing and pretending to throw up. Sergeant Kim ordered everyone to get inside the car and you began your way back to the base. During the ride, you kept replaying the events of this mission in your head, wondering how the enemy knew exactly where Team 3 was. There had to be someone who told the enemy about the mission and you felt nauseous at the thought that it could be someone you knew.

You met up with Major CJ and Major Han when you got back to the base and found them just as confused as you. Sergeant Kim was wise enough to not let the confusion spread any further, calling them in his office for individual reports. Meanwhile, San and you casually moved to a corner and he asked you what was up.

“Our mission almost got compromised today, San,” you admitted and he frowned. “Team 3 got a tail right when they were about to exit- we had to reroute them. Someone knew Team 3’s exact location, our routes, our exit points. We’ve been compromised, San. And I’m wondering how long this has been going- if we really could have saved more people had we found out earlier.”

San pursed his lips in thought. “Does Sergeant Kim know?”

“Yeah, he caught on just as I did,” you nodded. “We need to do something about this before they retaliate, the enemy. Because if they’ve been gathering information so far… I think they’ll strike soon, and it’s making me so worried-”

“Shh, it’s okay,” San came forward and wrapped you in a hug, not caring if anyone saw. You didn’t care either, simply relaxing in his arms. “We’ll figure it out together, okay? I think today’s mission might have narrowed our suspect list- this mission was supposed to be known only to a selected few.”

“I hope so,” you drew back.

“Let’s go eat dinner before Sergeant Kim calls for us,” San suggested and you agreed, not really talking much and San let you sort your thoughts out while you ate. It was the Sergeant himself who found you both in the dining hall and the three of you decided to go to your room.

Sergeant Kim looked around a bit before settling on the couch beside San who had already made himself home on the other end. Sergeant Kim narrowed his eyes at him, “You look too comfortable here.”

“Ah, it must be your first time here, huh?” San scoffed. “Welcome to Mr. and Mrs. Choi’s residence-”

“What did you gather from Team 3’s report?” You interrupted, having brought the documents Sergeant Kim had handed you a few days earlier and joining the two, dragging a chair to sit across them.

“Nothing much,” the Sergeant replied and you noticed San sulking at the way the two of you had ignored him completely. You shrugged at him as if to say ‘did you expect anything else?’. “They are pretty sure no one spotted them during the mission. Did you see anything suspicious while you kept watch?”

“Nothing until Team 3’s exit,” you told him. “The guards started moving towards where they were all of a sudden as if they knew. Major Yeom guided the team out for the most part.”

“Okay, so here’s the thing,” Sergeant Kim started spreading the pages on the table while he continued. “I don’t think there’s a pattern yet, but I think it’s safe to say that if there’s a rat and they’ve been watching our movements, they’re done simply watching. They’re retaliating. And we know that because in the past 4 months, our success rate has significantly dropped- and I’m not talking about the book definition of success.”

“You’re talking about the agents we’ve lost,” San said.

“That’s right,” the Sergeant nodded. “What do you think?”

You took a deep breath. “With both these missions, we were compromised on one of the routes known only within the base, right? With Squad 7 guiding us back at the base, and the rest of us in the field. Can we narrow it down somehow?”

“I have a feeling today didn’t go like they expected,” Sergeant Kim admitted. “If they tailed Team 3, they must have tried to accomplish something, right? What did they get accomplished though? Nothing. I think today is the first time they failed. In which case…”

“In which case they might retaliate,” you completed and he nodded, grim. “What changed today?”

“We can omit Squad 5 from the list of suspects, I think,” he answered. “That leaves us with our squad and Squad 6. I don’t think we should suspect Squad 7- if there’s a rat in there, they would find out themselves. It’s not like they were guiding us today either.”

“I really don’t think it’s someone from our squad,” San quipped in and you agreed.

“Squad 6, huh?” Sergeant Kim looked at the pages spread across the table- information of the current and former members of the squad. He picked Major Yeom’s page to get a closer look. “Did he know you were joining him today? At the station?”

“It was a last minute thing for me too, no one did,” you told him. “Do you think Major Yeom could be the rat?”

“Even if he is… who is he reporting to? Is it someone in the base or someone outside?” Sergeant Kim sighed. “And can we really suspect Major Yeom? What about the others? One of them made a pretty stupid mistake in our previous mission, if I recall.”

“Plus, Major Yeom is the one who eventually guided Team 3 safely outside,” you glanced at San. “You’re friends with a few from Squad 6, right? Anyone exhibiting strange behaviour after our previous mission?”

“Not really, no,” San shook his head, leaning forward. “I don’t think us sitting and drawing conclusions like this will yield any results. We need to conduct a proper investigation into this before something worse happens. We should alert the Lieutenant.”

“I would have alerted him already had I secured some solid evidence. There’s no pattern yet and we’re trusting our guts. As much as I trust my gut and you both, I can’t simply go with that to the Lieutenant,” Sergeant Kim sighed loudly before slumping back and you made a face.

“We have to follow protocol, huh?” San sighed too.

“The protocol sucks,” you groaned. “I’ll conduct my own investigation. Major Yeom did not know what state Agent Oscar had been in when we retrieved him- before we lost him. Why was he not aware? Do the rest know?”

“My job was to convey information to Sergeant Park,” Sergeant Kim raised a brow as he thought. “I don’t think he did that on purpose though.

“Ah. I forgot Sergeant Park is literally your best friend-”

“No, that’s not it,” Sergeant Kim laughed. “He must have told them that Oscar was held hostage and questioned before you retrieved him. Maybe he didn’t go into the details.”

“Maybe Major Yeom lied,” San pouted. “I trust Sergeant Park for some reason.”

“You trust everyone,” you retorted and San sulked further, sinking down into the couch. “Come on, Sergeant, we need to make a decision.”

“Let’s start with Squad 6- I’ll talk with Sergeant Park,” he decided. “He must be suspicious too with how things have been recently. But you two… try not to make it too obvious, okay?”

You and San burst into a chorus of ‘as if’ and ‘you’re the most obvious one’ and Sergeant Kim decided to see himself out. You started gathering the documents, glancing once more at Major Yeom’s file. San gave your shoulder a comforting squeeze and you decided to trust your captain, relaxing into San’s touch.

—-------------------------

The sound of the alarm ringing loudly enough to wake the dead up had to be the most horrible sound you had ever heard in your life.

It had only played once before and it was a memory you wished you would forget- even now, for a few moments, you remained in your bed blinking and wondering if you were dreaming. It wasn’t until you heard the radio announcement that you got up abruptly and moved to grab your bulletproof vest and jacket, grabbing every weapon you had in your room, because-

The base was under attack.

It had only been a mere two days since your last mission, since Sergeant Kim and Park started investigating their squad members in secret. You wondered if it was somehow linked to their investigation- it had to be. As soon as you were prepared, you went outside, greeted by the rush of soldiers donning their jackets or loading their weapons. Amidst all the chaos, you spotted San and rushed towards him, holding his hand and squeezing it.

“Oh, you’re here,” he gave you a brief hug. “You’re thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Yeah, we need to find Sergeant Kim or Sergeant Park,” you said and he nodded, looking around once and dragging you into a corner.

“Listen- I just asked and it’s not looking good. The enemy chose a direct attack this time and the Left Wing is compromised already. How’s your leg?”

“It’s good, San, don’t worry,” you assured him, and it was the truth. “There was a reason I joined the previous mission. You don’t need to worry about me.”

“I can’t help it,” he smiled, kissing your forehead. “Let’s go then. We have no time to waste.”

You nodded and the two of you started asking around for Sergeant Kim, knowing he wouldn’t be in his office but out fighting. Major Han spotted you both and dragged you to the weapons room-

“I’ve been charged with making sure you gear up like proper soldiers, and for exactly this reason,” she shook her head at the lack of helmet and equipment. “Sergeant Kim has put me in charge of leading our squad in his absence, so turn on your radios and follow me. The rest are waiting with him.”

You and San stifled your scoffs and wore the helmets, Major Han slapping you both on the neck and checking your gear, inquiring about your leg. She sighed, “We’ve already reported three casualties on the Left Wing. We will be in charge of driving them out, understood? Follow me.”

Your blood boiled at the number and you gripped your sniper as you made way to the Right Wing- the exit that your squad frequently used. As you reached closer, the sound of gunshots and soldiers shouting got louder. You spotted your members and Squad 6 ready and waiting, the Sergeants in a corner talking in hushed voices. As soon as Sergeant Kim spotted you both, he signalled and you both joined him.

“We’re waiting for orders from the Lieutenant before we go to help at the Left Wing- but I’m going to task you both for another mission. Sergeant Park?”

Sergeant Park nodded. “Major Yeom is missing. We have high suspicions to believe that he is the one who has been updating the enemy. He must have left earlier to either join them or hide. I need you both to find him and bring him back alive, is that understood?”

“Yes, Sergeant!” you both nodded.

“I’m not entrusting my squad because of obvious reasons and sympathy factor, but Sergeant Kim here says you both are perfect for the job. Prove it.”

“And please stay safe, both of you,” Sergeant Kim huffed. “Don’t give me another heart attack. My lifespan has already decreased a good amount thanks to the two of you.”

San stifled a grin and you asked, “Do you have any suspects for who exactly Major Yeom might be providing information too? Or did you ever find out information on the man with the tattoo?” You recalled the man you had encountered while saving Agent Oscar.

“We believe it might be a group within the enemy, one specified to be spies,” Sergeant Kim said. “We haven’t seen it before, so we can’t say much. It’s only speculation.”

“Understood. We’ll take our leave then,” you said and the Sergeants nodded, making sure you had enough weapons before instructing you to find Squad 4 in the control room and start from there. You stayed on your toes the entire time, scanning everyone who crossed your path, looking for signs of anything suspicious because if Major Yeom had defected…

There could very well be others.

You reached the control room and the Sergeant let you in, already having heard from Sergeant Kim and Park. He guided you both to the CCTVs and you got a good look at what was going on- the soldiers were still fighting against the enemy at the Left Wing and the enemy was trying to push its way inside or circle around to the Right Wing. It looked ugly. San went to monitor what was happening inside and for a while you both stood observing the base until San spotted a few of the enemy soldiers squeezing their way inside. The Sergeant immediately alerted Squad 5 to take care of it and you both decided to check the unmonitored rooms for Major Yeom.

“Shall we check the basement first? Or keep it for the end?” You asked.

“The basement can be accessed from outside too, right?” San asked, pausing to think. “Shall we look at the dorms first? Divide and conquer?”

“Sure,” you nodded, getting anxious. You were short on time- you needed to join your squad back at the Right Wing too. “Check the dorms first, meet outside. And then the offices, the weapon rooms, and let’s go to the basement together after?”

“Sure. you take the offices, I’ll take the weapon rooms,” San said and you both agreed, splitting immediately after connecting your radios.

About an hour passed by as you checked each level, meeting by the staircase with a confirmation of ‘all clear’. You found nothing and San informed Sergeant Kim about going to check the basement. Sergeant Kim told him to make it quick and meet him at the Right Wing.

As the two of you descended into the eerie silence of the basement, a part of you wondered if this search was just a waste of time- why would Major Yeom be in the basement? He could have exited amidst this chaos at any time- or done whatever he needed to. The basement only contained storage rooms with the archives and some exit routes- but exit routes were more easily accessible on the ground level, so why would the enemy be there?

“You take the right side, I’ll take the left,” San said when you reached down. You nodded and patted his arm before parting ways, aiming your gun as you started checking the rooms- empty, empty, yet another empty room-

And then the sound of footsteps that did not belong to San.

You hid behind a shelf, trying to calculate the distance- it seemed like the person was going further away from you. You dared to take a peak and frowned at the sight of someone in the same uniform as yours, walking at high alert with their gun aimed and ready-

It was Squad 6’s badge. It had to be Major Yeom.

You started following him silently, not even daring to breathe any louder than necessary, and when the Major went inside one of the rooms, you quickened your pace and took a look inside that room-

He was alone and it looked like he was looking for something. He was searching through the files- for what?

You took a deep breath and entered the room with your gun pointed at the Major. “Hands up, drop your weapons, now.”

The Major froze, glancing at you once, not daring to turn. “Major Seo. I can explain-”

“Drop your weapons, now,” you seethed, stepping closer as he dropped his gun to the ground, the metal meeting the floor with a clang. You buried the muzzle of your gun in his back before ordering him to exit the room. The Major knew better than to disobey you and took slow and steady footsteps as per your instructions until you had him pinned to the wall so you could signal San.

“Charlie, I’ve got the mole,” you said into the radio, waiting for a response but when 10 seconds passed and you got none, you grabbed the Major’s collar and started steering him to the direction San had gone into earlier.

“Charlie? I need a response,” you called, panic starting to bubble in your heart. “Charlie, this is Echo, can you hear me?”

You wondered if his silence was because he found something or was in a situation where he needed to be silent- you simply prayed it was only that. However, having scoured the basement and finding no signs of San, you slammed the Major against the wall and dug your gun in his back. “Who was with you here?”

“No one-”

“Choose your answer carefully, I will not hesitate to shoot you down,” you warned and the Major scoffed.

“I bet Sergeant Park wants me back alive.”

“He never said anything about you being unharmed, though,” you started dragging your gun down his thigh and Major Yeom groaned.

“Fine, there is someone. You should check the exit.”

“Take the lead,” you gave him space to walk, still holding him by his collar as he led you to the room at the other end of the basement- a storage room with one of its bookshelves now pushed away from the wall, behind which a door was slightly ajar.

“What were you trying to find in the archives?” You asked, nudging him to go ahead inside the passage.

“I don’t know-”

“Like hell you don’t,” you entered the path, the smell of damp mud hitting you right away and you turned on the light on your helmet.

“I was only instructed to retrieve a specific document, which wasn’t even present there,” Major Yeom clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Look, I’ve got nothing against you- I know you’re following orders. But you really shouldn’t go to the end of this path.”

You didn’t stop walking. “I need to find Major Choi.”

“If he’s got Major Choi, you can forget about him-”

That was your last straw- you slammed the Major into the wall and dug your arm into his neck, your hand almost shaking as you pointed the gun at his temple. “Who?”

Major Yeom tried retaliating but you were quicker and you kicked his ankle harshly, effectively making him drop to his knees as you pointed your gun at his head. “I’ve had enough- your colleagues are dying out there fighting the enemy, Major Yeom. Just what have you gotten yourself into?”

“Are you sure they’re the enemy? Eden? We haven’t been saints either,” he scoffed, spitting on the ground. “You talk about principles and morals but where were your morals when you abandoned your colleagues when some mission went wrong, huh?”

Your heart sank. “If this is about Oscar, I did not abandon him-”

“Not him,” he shook his head. “The others. You and Major Choi… you go back for each other, disobeying every protocol and you get an applause. Why did no one go back for Major Lee?”

You frowned. “I’m pretty sure Sergeant Park eventually went back for him. As for Major Choi and I… you don’t know anything.”

“Sergeant Park never went back for him- or if he did, he didn’t try hard enough. Do you have any idea what they did to Major Lee?”

“Major Lee is dead,” you almost cried. “Forget about the past- why are you doing this now, huh? Who’s ordering you?”

“He’s not dead-”

“Stand back and drop your weapons, now.”

You froze- how did you not hear someone coming when even your hushed voices were echoing? Was the person already present and listening to your conversation? With the feeling of dread clouding your mind, you took a step back from Major Yeom and glanced up-

To see a masked man holding San at gunpoint.

And fortunately enough, Major Yeom took your stepping back as a sign to stand up and you did the first thing you thought sensible- mirror that masked man and hold Major Yeom at gunpoint. Major Yeom groaned as the muzzle of your gun buried painfully in his temple but you ignored it and glared at the man, trying not to meet eyes with San.

“So you’re the one who’s been ordering Major Yeom around, huh?” You asked. “Let go of Major Choi and I’ll let go of your man.”

The man’s deep laugh echoed through the passage. “Not that simple. You will obey every order I give you or else your Major Choi won’t live to see the sunrise.”

Something shattered in you at that moment as you recalled San’s words- “I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you”. You finally dared to look at San, now rid of his helmet with a few bruises across his face. He shook his head subtly as if to say ‘do what you’re being told’ but you remained frozen in your spot.

“Take off your helmet. Let me see who you are,” the man ordered. You kept ahold of Major Yeom and removed your helmet, your jaw clenched painfully. You aimed the gun back at the Major and the man shook his head.

“Drop your weapon and step away from him, Major Seo.”

Once again, you were surprised- just who was he? He must have seen the confusion on your face and he finally removed his mask-

It was Major Lee.

“Why?” was all you could ask. Major Lee only shook his head.

“You will not understand how it is like to be abandoned by your own people. And for what? For nothing,” he tsk-ed. “Do you remember that mission, Major? Do you remember how we marched into the enemy territory because we were going to retrieve stolen data? There was no stolen data,-”

“Major Lee, please listen to me,” you pleaded. “We’re soldiers. We obey orders. It is not our duty to question it- we’re only given orders. We don’t even know what we retrieve, you may be right, but… if you have a problem with it, you should take it to the Headquarters or I don’t know… the General, the higher-ups, anyone but us. So please let go of Major Choi, at least. Your fight is not with us.”

“You will let go of Major Yeom and step back,” his voice was cold and you shut your eyes in defeat. “And then I will decide what to do with Major Choi.”

“Major Lee-”

“Now!” He hit San with the grip of his gun on his forehead, instantly making you drop your gun with an ‘okay, okay!’ and you took a few steps back until Major Lee grunted in approval. “Kneel and face backwards.”

“Please let go of Major Choi-”

“Don’t make me do something you will regret,” he warned. “I will let go of him, but not right now. Kneel and face backwards- and you will count 100 seconds before you take one step. If I hear you, he dies, understood?”

You nodded through tears, looking at San once who only passed you a reassuring smile. You did as you were told and counted 1, hearing the footsteps fade and by the time you counted to 100, you had stopped sobbing and instead, anger- hot, boiling hot anger clouded all sense of rationality. You stood up and grabbed your gun and began running towards where they had taken Major Choi, praying he was okay all the while. But you reached the end of the passage which exited near the Right Wing and found no signs of Major Yeom and Major Lee.

No signs of Choi San.

You took a deep breath, surveying the area- you could hear the sounds of a fight to your left so you reckoned Major Lee must have avoided that and gone in the opposite direction. You started marching to your right, taking out the radio that connected you to Sergeant Kim.

“Alpha, this is Echo, please respond. Alpha?”

You continued treading along the building for a few seconds which was when your radio sounded. “Alpha responding.”

“The mole and the rat have escaped with Charlie. I am going to retrieve Charlie. Awaiting no further orders.”

“Echo, halt where you are. I will join you-”

“I do not have the time, Sergeant,” you seethed into the radio, ditching all formalities. “They took him, okay? Major Lee took him and he feels betrayed by all of us. I don’t know what he will do to him, I need to save him.”

There was a few seconds of silence and you spotted movement towards the gate- two or three figures. It had to be them. You started running towards them, hearing the sound of a jeep in the distance and you ran faster, trying to make it in time but you would never make it- you took off the sniper from your shoulder and started shooting towards the men getting in the car but it was no use- you were too far away. The jeep took off, leaving you all alone in the middle of the abandoned post and you fell to your knees, trying to control your unsteady breathing and shake off the ringing in your ears realising later that Sergeant Kim was repeatedly calling your name into the radio.

“They got away,” you breathed, unable to control your sobs this time. “They’ve taken him.”

“Where are you?”

“The abandoned post,” you looked around. “I need to go-”

“Stay where you are,” he ordered. “I’m coming to get you. The fight is almost over anyway.”

You buried your head in your arms as you knelt on the ground, your mind already hyperfunctioning as it planned all possible routes they could have taken, all possible spots they could be going to. All you knew was you would have to go to Eden all alone and retrieve him at all costs. But you couldn’t help the fear and the dread, because something like this had never happened- not to him, at least. You had been taken by force once and San had disobeyed all orders and marched into the enemy territory to retrieve you-

And you would do the same for him.

You did not realise how long you spent kneeling and planning through the utter pain of processing just what happened and the fear for San’s life when you heard a number of footsteps and you finally looked up to see not only Sergeant Kim but Major CJ and Major Yu.

“Oh, dear,” Major Yu shook her head at your state and knelt down, enveloping you in a hug. “It’s going to be okay. We will go back for him, okay?”

You nodded, breaking away and looking at Sergeant Kim who looked like he could pass out right there. “It’s Major Lee- I spotted his tattoo too, on the wrist. He’s the one who’s been sabotaging our missions, and I don’t know what he’s planning to do now. He said something about how our missions are baseless or something, I don’t know,” you sighed. “He has a problem with how things are being run. And now he’s taking it out on us.”

“I have a problem with how things are run here too,” Sergeant Kim sounded pissed. “But that does not mean I betray my people and side with the enemy for some petty revenge- even if something happens. We will go back for Major Choi, okay? But first you need to come back and plan-”

“I have no time to waste,” you shook your head fiercely. “You can join me later or not at all, for all I care, but I am leaving right now. I just need more weapons and I’m good-”

“Major Seo-”

“I cannot let anything happen to him!” You almost shouted, looking at Major Yu or Major CJ for help- surely they understood. “I finally, finally learned to live with myself and learned to function like a normal human being, I…” you breathed. “You know me, Sergeant. You know that I cannot live without him- I- “ you laughed at the irony of the situation. “I swore to never be like my mother but here I am.”

Major CJ turned as if to process what was happening and realisation dawned on Major Yu’s face. Sergeant Kim knelt down next to you. “You’re the strongest person I know here, Major. But please, think with your head for once. Come back with me, gear up properly, plan this and then leave-”

“You can do all of that and join me later,” you gave the final verdict. “I am leaving right now- keep me updated on the radio. And give me all of your bullets and weapons, dammit.”

Major CJ sighed. “Let me come with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Sergeant Kim groaned. “You think I don’t want to save him? I have to follow protocol- I cannot allow two of you to disappear-”

“It doesn’t matter anymore- someone needs to keep her grounded, and I can do that,” Major CJ offered you a hand and you smiled, taking it. “You can both give us your weapons and go back to the base, prepare and follow us right after. It shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

Sergeant Kim considered for a few seconds before finally giving in, taking out his guns and daggers and Major Yu did the same. You both docked yourselves up and made sure everything was working.

“This is the last time I’m allowing this,” Sergeant Kim warned and you rolled your eyes. “Bring that brat back. And both of you… don’t get hurt. That is an order- come back alive.”

“Yes, Sergeant!” You both saluted and he told you both to hurry on, calling in the radio to order a car for you two. You looked ahead at the horizon, the sky already starting to lighten.

You prayed you would watch the sunrise once again and got in the car.

—---------------------------

Major CJ was proving to be quite the strategist. He was keeping the mood light, probably because you appeared tense enough to make up for him too, and you had to stop and appreciate him at one point, which he just shyly dismissed.

“I really don’t think a defected soldier will have much influence around there, so if they allowed Major Lee in the enemy base in Sector 1… that’s the only place he might go if he’s still working with them. Even if he’s not, Sector 1 is a pretty good place to start-”

“Stop calling him ‘Major’,” you growled. “Call him the motherfu-”

“-until we get some visual or locate Major Choi by some miracle,” Major CJ finished saying. “And stop being angry- it’s only going to cloud your decisions.”

“Oh no, not me,” you scoffed. “Anger fuels me and keeps me alive.”

“Whatever helps you,” Major CJ passed you a weird look.

You were both in Sector 1 now, going through the connected passages just like you had on your previous mission here. You could spot the enemy base now and you prayed Major CJ’s instinct was correct- San had to be there.

“Do you think we should negotiate with Major Lee or just… go berserk?” Major CJ asked and when the radio responded before you, you realised he had asked the Sergeant too.

“Let Major Seo do whatever she wishes,” the Sergeant sighed loudly. “I’ll leave my post once she’s back. She should be the Sergeant since she can make all her decisions herself now-”

“Oh, please, I would not have waited for you back there if that was the case,” you muttered. “Don’t fuel me any further right now, Captain.”

“Whatever. Try to negotiate first and see if you can get him to come back.”

“Permission to shoot otherwise? If things don’t look bright?”

“In case he tries to harm any of you, permission to shoot is granted,” Sergeant Park’s voice sounded. “For Major Yeom too. He is a defected soldier- his case must be handled differently from Major Lee because we thought him dead.”

“Copy that,” Major CJ responded. “Stepping within a 2 mile radius into the enemy base… now.”

You took the lead, Major CJ providing cover and you couldn’t help but be reminded of San. Gritting your teeth and steeling your nerves, you loaded your guns and went into stealth mode-

And all hell went loose.

Major CJ was strong in every sense- he naturally took the lead as you eliminated guard after guard, forcing your way inside through a back door. And unsurprisingly, Major CJ was depending on his fists more in close combat and you would finish it off with bullets. You wondered if you two were syncing better because you were both fueled with the same purpose- to retrieve Major Choi.

“To the basement,” you motioned towards the stairs. “They keep the hostages there unless they’re being questioned.”

“They should have changed locations by now,” Major CJ flexed his arms, having suffocated one of the soldiers. “If Major Lee is in there… he’s pretty fucking stupid.”

You grinned, covering for him as you both went downstairs, this time shelling the guards first before gunning them down. You told Major CJ to hold his own while you checked the rooms, finding one empty room after another-

Nothing. He wasn’t in the basement.

With pure adrenaline fuelling you now, you lead Major CJ upstairs to the same level you had found Agent Oscar on, shooting in succession at anyone who dared to cross your path, not caring if you hit a vital spot anymore- they had done enough damage tonight too. You hurried along the corridor towards the rooms at the end and spotted San tied to a chair, his head hanging down. You almost stepped inside the room but paused-

There had to be someone else in the room.

You glanced at Major CJ and nodded before pushing the door open with your foot and as soon as you spotted movement against the wall, you pointed your gun in that direction and shot at the lower region, successfully hitting Major Yeom in the thigh who shot reflexively at you in return but he was slower- you kicked his gun away and held him at gunpoint once again.

“That was quick,” he seethed through the pain.

“You took my partner, of course I was quick,” you hit his head with the grip of your gun, making him groan louder. “Where’s that bastard?”

“He knew you would come here,” Major Yeom spat. “He’s got plans for you-”

“Oh no, he hasn’t,” you grinned. “Major Lee got some abandonment issues, huh? He must have thought no one would come back for Major Choi. But did he ever think our squads would retaliate against his actions? Your colleagues will be joining soon, Major.”

Major Yeom paled. “They wouldn’t have allowed you to-”

“That’s the thing- Major Lee made it pretty clear what he was expecting, and all we had to do was the opposite. Sergeant Park is not pleased at two of his members defecting. You do know how he gets when he’s angry, right? He’s on his way here right now, so I’ll let him take care of you.”

Major CJ joined and told you that the rest of the members were already here. You allowed yourself to relax while he took care of Major Yeom and you walked to San, untying the ropes on his wrists and kissing his knuckles.

“Major Choi. Can you hear me?”

He did not respond. You figured he must have been drugged to unconsciousness. You held his face, tucking his hair back and examining the bruises there and then the rest of his body- at least he was unharmed. You bent down and with the help of Major CJ, you propped his body on your back, deciding to carry him out while Major CJ provided cover. A sense of relief started to wash over you as you made your way out, your members and Squad 6’s members passing smiles because as Sergeant Kim said when he joined you on this mission, some protocols really needed to change. It was high time and considering how Major Lee felt about his situation and Major Yeom joined him, they must have felt abandoned- perhaps for the right reasons. You had often felt that too, though you were lucky enough to have San as your partner who always had your back and broke protocols and disobeyed orders again and again for you. And the thought scared you- that if not for him, you might have turned into Major Lee too.

You exited the base and hopped into the car waiting for you, Major CJ helping you lay him down across the seat and you checked San’s pulse and monitored his breathing- he was okay.

Major CJ said he was going to help the rest and left you and San alone in the car. The adrenaline started to wear off and with trembling hands, you examined the rest of his body for any signs of injuries, finding none and relaxing once again, resting your head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat while you waited for him to wake up. You shut your eyes, not sure if the sound in your ears was the sound of San’s heart or your own.

You didn’t realise how tired you were until you felt a hand caress your head, tucking your hair behind your ears. You found yourself unable to open your eyes, a stream of fresh tears falling down on San’s jacket. His warm fingers wiped the tears away, caressing your cheek softly.

“Won’t you look at me?”

You only buried your face in his chest, silently crying. San let you be for a few moments before he couldn’t take it anymore and nudged you to face him, seating himself up. You finally opened your eyes and let out a relieved laugh. San smiled in response, wiping your face with his sleeve.

“You have no idea how much it hurts me to see you cry.”

“I’m crying because of you,” you said, sniffing. “Do you have any idea how scared I was?”

“I’m sorry,” he kissed your forehead, lingering. “I’m so sorry-”

“No, it’s not your fault,” you told him, cupping his face. “I’m just so glad that you’re okay, so glad,” you said, pecking his lips. “I was so scared-”

San captured your mouth in a kiss as a form of an apology and you took it, letting his hand guide you as he deepened the kiss. You fisted his shirt in one hand, the other finding his and intertwining with it. San broke away, your breaths lingering and you reached in to hug him, burying your face in the crook of his neck- your favourite spot. San caressed your back, holding you as close as he could.

“You came back for me, huh?” San shook his head at the insanity of it. “Do you realise just what you did? Did you march here alone?”

“I almost did, but CJ joined and then the rest did- even Squad 6,” you told him, breaking away so you could look at him. “Captain wouldn’t let me go alone.”

“He’s always like this,” San laughed. “But you- you shouldn’t have been so reckless-”

“Says who? At least I had the others join later. You marched into enemy base alone to get me back 3 years ago-”

“That was different-”

“Yes, but that was more reckless,” you slapped his arm. “And anyways, I would have done this for you. You know I would have come for you. It’s a miracle I found you this quick.”

San caressed your face. “Even if we were not… like this?”

“We’ve always been in love, though,” you said and San caught your confession in it. “And I have realised now… love is supposed to be a strength, not a weakness.”

San glanced outside, the sky glowing a beautiful pastel now and spotted the Sergeants collecting their members and arresting Major Lee and Major Yeom. When you counted the rest of your members, all safe and sound, you relaxed into San’s arms. The enemy was stupid to attack your base- of course you would have retaliated. San kissed your forehead. “We lived to see the sunrise yet again.”

“I wish to see the rest of my sunrises with you too,” you said and San smiled. You sealed that promise with a kiss.

To a better future.

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