#funny Harry potter

[prismolovessideblogs]

A bright light and a grabbed arm forced Harry to stumble out of him safe room. He blinked rapidly, his eyes rested on Petunia, who had darkened circles under her eyes and was hovering by the backdoor.

“Over here, boy.” she hissed, beckoning him towards the back garden.

Harry, who had felt a bit bad at Petunia’s worsened state, was upset to realise she wanted him to do the gardening in his state! He shook as he walked closer to his aunt, who took more steps back the closer he came into the back garden.

“Call an owl.” she whispered through gritted teeth.

Harry blinked owlishly at her. She started to get cross.

“Make an owl sound, boy. I don’t know. You’re lucky I’m doing this much.”

Unnerved at the absurdity of her request, Harry hastened to oblige anyway because he needed to lay back down before it started to hurt to stand again.

Absurdly, a brown owl hooted at him and grasped the letter Petunia had in her hand.

Harry looked at Petunia. Petunia looked down at Harry. Harry threw up.

Promptly wrestled back into his room, the boy couldn’t help but remember the haunted look on his aunt’s face as she gazed out after the owl. It made no sense. He dreamed of green, flashing lights.

[slyterinthings]

Hufflepuff *staring*

Slytherin:

Hufflepuff *staring intensifies*

Slytherin:...

Hufflepuff *stares some more*

Slytherin: what do you want?

Hufflepuff: so... there's this cult-

Slytherin: no.

Hufflepuff: buttt you didn't even let me finish.

Slytherin: yeah, NO.

[prismolovesfanfiction]

“Are you joking?” They all jump and turn to see Hermione standing at the foot of his bed with her arms crossed. “Are you studying? Without me?” By the way she says that, she would have been less scandalized to find them having an orgy.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/12006417/chapters/41754563#workskin

[hogwartswitch1997]

HOGWARTS HOUSES ROLES IN A HORROR MOVIE

Gryffindor: I am the main character,duh. Follow me if you wanna live!

Slytherin: I'm the one everyone suspects to be the k*ller.

Ravenclaw: I'm the seemingly insane person who leads the hero in the investigation to solve the mystery/ stay alive.

Hufflepuff: I'm the k *ller with a sad backstory who secretly enjoys unaliving people. Fight me!

[jegulusposts]

Harry Potter and the year he thought it was Snape (it wasn’t)

Harry Potter and the year he thought it was Draco (it wasn’t)

Harry Potter and the year everybody knew it was Sirius

Harry Potter and the year nobody knew who it was

Harry Potter and the year nobody believed it was Voldemort

Harry Potter and the year he thought it was Draco and Snape (it was)

Harry Potter and the year it was definitely Voldemort

[zeezeepearl]

ok im going to #seriouspost for a second here. I don't think Harry Potter is a manifesto. I think it was a flawed passion project that millennials latched onto because of the fantasy of sticking it to their mean teachers and arbitrarily categorizing themselves (hogwarts houses; it's the thinking millennial's astrology). I think the fact that the series got popular when and how it did was very much a product of its time.

I don't think Harry Potter is the biggest symbol of JKR's bigotry. I think the most flagrant sign of that was how she responded to critics. I watched her become radicalized in real time. I watched how she doubled down on her racism when she was called out for the ways she promoted her tragically mid fantastic beasts movies. I watched her chase marginalized teenagers with a double digit follower count off of twitter for daring to criticize her thought process, and no one with any kind of power standing against her because she was the one who was paying them. This isn't to say Harry Potter is without flaws. This is to say she really didn't give a shit about that. Getting rich and powerful is a hell of a drug, and she had enough sycophants that she had no reason to care about what her critics were saying.

She was convinced that she was a martyr; a voice for the unheard; a leader for the ages, so of course her detractors were the bad guys. And I think we should take this to heart. We should see this as an example of how easy it is to get radicalized; if you think of yourself as a paragon of virtue, you are going to think that whatever you see as good and right is an objective fact. Most people don't know this, but the majority of terfs start out as trans allies. You are not immune to propaganda! You are not immune to falling into dangerous ideologies!!!

This is why the most important thing you can do as an activist is to listen. Do NOT think you're above being wrong; do NOT develop a god complex; do NOT form an identity out of being right all the time. Involve yourselves in the groups you claim to speak for. Listen to trans women; share resources that help trans women; familiarize yourself with the diversity of experiences that trans people have and the struggles they face.

No, none of you are as bad as JKR because you don't have her money or her power. You will likely never have the capacity for harm she does. But check yourselves. Do not affirm yourselves into thinking you always have the moral high ground. Watch yourselves; humble yourselves; check yourselves for signs of cult behavior and internalized prejudice. You are always learning. You will always be learning. Do not allow yourselves to get a power trip from brushing off marginalized voices.

[kylopen]

Me looking for fan fictions but instead I get flashed by sex bot ads under the same tag

[legalisecrying]

WADING IN WAIST HIGH WATER

Remus in a nutshell. 🧡

I adoooreee this fic. Seriously. It's lovely.

fic by @colgatebluemintygel

We all know this meme. It just fits him too perfectly, not to draw it...✨

Anyway, I hope you like it. 💌

Instagram: @p4perhug 🧡

#wadinginwaistwater #remuslupin=chaos #siriusissmitten

[mouthtapedguy]

[dazzlemebaby]

James: As top in this relationship, I think we should-

Regulus: I can’t believe you’re pulling rank on me

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

Drarry where the Golden Trio are having a slightly tipsy 'Hear me out' conversation as they passed around a bottle of Elvish wine that they nicked from Slughorn's office.

"What about Gordon Horton?"

Harry and Hermione shared a confused look.

"Come on! Keeper for the Chudley Canons?"

"You're supposed to pick people we know, Ronald."

"Well excuse me," Ron said, throwing his hands in the air. "I forgot that you two have no taste."

"No taste! I will have you know that my taste is sophisticated and refined. Clearly something you don't relate to."

"Oh, oh, I see. Well since your taste is so sophisticated then by all means tell us who is your pick."

"There's Merrill Medlar. She's the chief editor of—"

"Who the hell is that? What happened to people we know?"

Harry hadn't had enough wine to tolerate their constant bickering.

"Malfoy," Harry said loudly, interrupting what would have surely been a row. "What about Malfoy?"

"Which one?" Ron and Hermione said at the same time before glaring at each other.

"What do you mean which one?" Harry frowned. "The choice is obviously—"

"Lucius." They said in unison again.

"What?" Harry gaped at them. "Lucius is a right piece of—"

"Wait," Hermione held up her hands, eyes wide. "You can't mean Draco then?"

"Of course I meant—"

"Don't say his name! Ugh, I never want to know him as Draco," Ron said, shuddering.

"Maybe I do!" Harry said, unsure why he was getting heated.

The two of them shared a long look that said a lot more than he could translate and he kind of wished they were back to arguing. At least that was familiar.

"I think I would've rather you had said Snape."

Harry's mouth parted before it closed, and he gave a considering hum. "You know, in the spirit of a true hear me out, Snape would fit."

Hermione snickered as a choked gurgle escaped Ron.

"I was joking!" Ron cried, head in his hands. "Merlin if you ever shag Snape—"

"Shag?" Harry let out a strangled meep. "If I'm going to shag someone it would be—"

"Malfoy," they said together, and part of him wondered if they were really Fred and George under Polyjuice because it was getting freaky.

"I think I'm going to be sick," muttered Ron. "I knew we'd uncover some more about each other, but I'd honestly like to cover it right back up."

"We can pretend it didn't happen," Harry offered, biting his lip as he tried to think of someone else. "What about Charlie?"

"Charlie?" Ron frowned. "My Charlie?"

"Oh," Hermione said, brows lifting. "Yes, I can see it."

"No no," Ron shook his head. "We aren't doing this. Let's get back to Harry wanting to shag Malfoy."

"It's not that I want to shag—"

"I think it's more than that," Hermione said, voice low as if she was sharing a secret. "I think he likes Malfoy."

Ron collapsed backward as if he had been shot, groaned as if he had been too. "This is too much for me."

Harry rolled his eyes, taking a large mouthful of wine. He was going to need it.

"It's not that bad."

"Yes, it is, Hermione. If Harry wants to shag Malfoy and he likes him then they'll get married and have little spawns that look like Malfoy and they'll call me Uncle Ron and then I'll just have to like them because I can't be mean to a child, but they'll look just like him and then I'm going to have a complex—"

"I think you're having a complex right now."

"And whose fault is that? Huh, Harry?"

"I never said I wanted to marry him."

"You never said you didn't though," Hermione argued, tone suggesting she was on to something.

Harry sighed loudly as they continued to debate his future. A future that held Malfoy in it. The longer they talked the more he considered it.

It was true that he wanted to shag Malfoy, but it was also true that he liked him. He just hadn't really let himself think of how much.

"I think I'm going to find Malfoy," Harry said, staggering to his feet and rather proud that he hadn't fallen over. Maybe he hadn't drank as much as he thought he had.

"Great, just great," Ron cried. "My life is over. Might as well start calling me Uncle Ron."

The portrait closed right as Hermione said,

"I think you're being rather dramatic, Uncle Ron."

[wolvesandshine]

Barty: I’m going to kill my dad

Evan: Sure we can kill my dad too my house is on the way

Regulus: I volunteer killing my parents as a trial run

Everyone else:

[slyterinthings]

Ravenclaw: I think Slytherin is an introvert.

Hufflepuff: please, they're defo an extrovert.

Slytherin: I like to call myself an ambivert actually...

Griffindor: well I was sure you're actually a perv- *thwack*

Slytherin: don't you dare complete that sentence.

Griffindor:

Griffindor: perv- *thwack*

[prismolovesfanfiction]

Harry stares down at the dragonet as she scrambles over and leans against his thighs, making a sound like a lorry purring. Then he slowly turns his head, and of all the people shouting at him from the stands, his eyes lock on Professor Snape’s face. I am in so much fucking trouble. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408702/chapters/41445962#workskin

[itisiives]

[casualfoxwitch]

this guy gets it