#get that motherfucker

[c-jay-s-text-posts-only]

A Rusted Redemption

Written with permission from @jboy44

Jaune felt heavy and groggy when he opened his eyes.

Pushing himself up with a start, he shook himself and looked around. The calm and lush of the dark, colourful forest seemed to thrum, like the heart of another beating in time with his own.

He was alone now.

Alone again.

'Naturally.' He supposed.

Jaune shook his head and grunted, rising up straight to stand up.

'What happened?'

He remembered . . . Juniper . . . Alyx . . . and Lewis . . . Sitting around the bonfire . . . The Cat.

It was all coming back to him.

Jaune had been worried. Those few thoughts he'd had before the memory faded into the deceptive, greying abyss of forgetfulness.

"Come on . . ." He urged himself, "It's not that hard. It's not that hard, REMEMBER!"

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Herbalist had clearly told or showed Alyx something. Likely something important. But he didn't know what.

He wouldn't know what.

Because he hadn't heard.

Whatever Herb did, all Jaune knew was that Alyx had changed. She hadn't trusted anyone after seeing the Herbalist. Not him, not the other Afterans.

Not even her own brother.

Jaune tried to keep out of Herb's cloud, but to no avail. The smoke enveloped the little back room and choked him when he dared to breathe; when he recovered enough to raise his head, he saw nothing.

Just a dark, empty, smokey space.

He didn't know what that was supposed to mean.

'How could nothing mean something?' He would have asked.

He never got the chance.

The clouds faded, and before they knew it, they were in the little back room again. Jaune figured that had something to do with finding himself.

But how could he find himself if he was being someone else?

Growing up, the Rusted Knight was a favourite character of his and his sisters. A selfless, righteous hero whose actions were an inspiration to millions across the whole of Remnant.

Of course, it had been years since he'd last touched the book, and a few details were a little fuzzy. But he remembered the best parts well; his favourite character was in them, after all.

But now that Jaune knew who the Rusted Knight truly was, he began to feel . . . Fake.

How could it be him?

Yes, he'd accepted it.

In fact, he'd been so excited when he realised it.

He knew he was the Rusted Knight.

He knew from the story how he was meant to act.

How the Rusted Knight was meant to be.

But was that right?

Did he really understand what it all meant?

. . .

He did.

. . .

And it was stifling.

Like playing a never-ending game of pretend, with children whose boundless energy syphoned him of any strength. He could never be himself, not as long as the game was on; but when it finally came to an end, as it inevitably had to, who would he be then?

Would he go back to being Jaune Arc?

Would he remain the Rusted Knight?

Or would he simply . . . not be either?

Had he truly been the Rusted Knight?

Had he upheld the image of his favourite hero?

Had he done him justice?

Or had he ruined it all?

Had he changed the story completely?

Jaune had done his best to keep it going the way he remembered. And it had all come terribly apart.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaune sighed. Deep thoughts like this took a lot out of him. He laid back on the log and steadied himself, just like he used to practice so long ago.

Deep breath in.

Deep breath out.

More of his memory slowly filtred back to him.

The soup . . . having the soup . . . And then . . .

Nothing . . .

Again . . . nothing.

Only . . . waking up here.

The fire had gone out, and he was all alone.

'That was mean.' He thought, 'Why would they just leave me here? Especially after eating?'

They had stopped along the path to the tree. They were tired and hungry, so Jaune and Alyx set about foraging while Lewis and the Cat made up their campsite. Within the hour, a hearty soup had been prepared.

Something about it tasted wrong though, as if some unnecessary ingredient had been thrown in for a laugh. But who would do that? And why?

It hadn't been him.

Then he realised.

Alyx prepared the bowl of soup he ate, and now, neither she nor Lewis, nor the Cat were anywhere to be seen. A line from the story popped into mind.

"The Rusted Knight drank the poison in her stead."

The pieces came together like a splintered plank of wood, securely clamped down and smeared with a globule of glue to dry it in place.

Panic sunk its hooks into Jaune, and he bolted upright at once.

"I will get out of this place." Alyx said firmly, "I don't care how, but I will. One way or another. I won't let anyone get in my way."

Jaune had heard her say that, but he didn't remember when it happened.

So . . .

Alyx had poisoned him.

She must have.

And, of course, Jaune understood why. This was the EverAfter. He knew it better than them, and he was desperate to leave, too. But he had to wait there, for his friends.

But if Alyx was so desperate to leave, why would anyone else want to stay here?

Then, a terrifying thought struck him.

'If Alyx was willing to go this far, then what else would she do?'

Would Lewis be okay?

What about the Cat?

Or anyone else she happened upon along the way . . .

Did he dare think about Juniper?

He remembered her part in the story as well. Alyx rode a big Jackalope to the tree, and it her there left to find the Rusted Knight again.

He dreaded to think.

But if Alyx had rode Juniper then-

The pounding of cloven paws drew nearer and nearer, until a worried Jackalope bounded into view.

"Juniper!" Jaune was pleased to see her again.

But the previous issue remained, Lewis, the Cat, and many other Afterans might be in serious danger.

"I've got to stop her!" Jaune wasted no time.

He quickly picked up Crocea Mors, slung it across his back, jumped up on Juniper, and together, they started looking for footprints.

The chase was on.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the Tree, Alyx, Lewis, and the cat found the door. The frames creaked, groaned, and glowed as the panels swung open.

'Beautiful . . .' They thought.

The Cat appeared unamused, as if it'd seen this sort of thing too many times before, and wasn't keen to watch it happen anymore.

"I'm ready." Lewis took a deep breath,

"As am I!" The Cat trilled, suddenly excited,

Alyx, however, felt hesitant. An unwelcome, unfamiliar feeling had been tugging at her for quite a while now. Perhaps, for longer than she wished to admit.

She felt . . . bad.

Bad for stealing from the Jinxy Peddler.

Bad for cheating in that game against the Red King. Even though it had technically been Lewis' idea.

Bad for being so rude to the Lively Carpenter.

And even worse about how she treated the Rusted Knight.

The Jinxy Peddler was a thief as far as she was concerned. He'd stole from her first, so Alyx didn't feel too bad for him.

The Red King hadn't been too bad, but both Alyx and Lewis quietly agreed he seemed very skittish. Like he was worried something might jump out from the abstract shadows and end his reign then and there.

He'd even executed two guards who got too close to him.

But the Lively Carpenter was a different story. He was so sweet and had only wanted to help them. The Rusted Knight was the same, though much more personal.

He was from Remnant, the same as her and her brother.

He hadn't introduced himself by name to them, so both Alyx and Lewis called him Rusty - it suited him, considering the state of his armour and sword, and he didn't seem to mind.

Secretly, Alyx had to admit, she did think he was very handsome. Lewis thought so too, which rubbed her the wrong way for some reason.

Naturally, she never said a word about it.

Alyx set foot on the steps leading up to the door, but she didn't take another. Something stopped her. Her desire to leave faded, like a shadow when clouds blocked the light of the sun.

Overpowered by a force unseen; by something she was completely blind to.

Lewis hadn't noticed at first and made it to the top of the steps before Alyx realised she wasn't moving.

"You coming, 'Lyx?" Asked Lewis.

Alyx blinked and looked up. She wanted to go, oh how desperately she wished to return home, see her mother and father again. But now, she didn’t want to.

'Why?' Wondered Alyx, 'What's stopping me?'

The realisation hit her harder than she expected.

She felt guilty.

. . .

This was entirely new for her.

Why should she feel guilty?

The EverAfter wasn't real. Nothing made any sense here. No one here was really real! So why follow the rules? It was all just a dream! Who could figure those out?! She couldn't, so why bother trying to understand?

There was nothing to worry about!

. . .

. . .

. . . Right?

The Cat noticed Alyx and turned to face her.

"Alyx?" One of their ears wilted.

Alyx kept silent. She knelt down and touched the tree's root. Tightening her grip around it, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'll be there, Lew." She finally said, "Just- . . . you go on ahead."

"Are you sure?" Lewis didn't like the sound of that,

"Uh-huh." Alyx nodded mutely and stood back up, "I'm sure."

Lewis knew his sister, and this didn't sound like something she would do. He came back down the steps.

"What's going on?" He asked, coming face to face with her.

Alyx sighed.

". . . We did a lot here, Lewis." She began carefully, "And I'm . . . I'm kinda worrying if we may have messed things up too much."

Lewis raised an eyebrow.

"Messed up how?" He needed to know,

"Well-" Alyx gestured to everything around them, "Look how far we went! With everyone! I mean, don't you think we've ruined some parts of this place now?"

"That's a rich spin on it." Lewis knitted his brows together and crossed his arms,

"What?" Alyx was taken aback,

"Alyx, you know everything we did just as well as I do." He frowned and patted the leather book hanging off his shoulder, "You don't think I didn’t know what you wanted us to do?"

"But- then why didn't you stop me?!" Alyx felt betrayed,

"How could I have?" Lewis threw his arms up, "You never listen to half the stuff I tell you!"

"Well-! D- Eh- Hmph!" Alyx huffed and put her hands on her hips, "I just wanted to get out of here!"

"So did I!" Lewis reminded her, "I've been stuck here with you this entire time, don't you think I've had enough too?!"

"Listen, I don't wanna argue with you, Lewis." Alyx quickly shut him up, "I get it, you know better, you're the eldest, so I have to listen to you."

She took a breath and looked her brother in the eye.

"At least now, I know why Momma and Pop-pop'd always tell me to." Alyx shook her head, "Now I'm seeing it all from overhead, I don't like any of it. Anything I've done . . ."

Lewis calmed down a little.

"Okay," He conceded, "So what now then? You're just going to stay behind and . . . 'Fix' everything?"

"I have to." Alyx nodded, "A lot of this is my fault, I can see that now. I have to make it right."

The Curious Cat didn't like the sound of this at all, but remembering Alyx's promise to them was secret, they said nothing.

Lewis nodded back.

"Alright then." He paused, "What'll you do first?"

". . . I've got to get to Rusty." She decided, "We know he knows this place better than either of us. Maybe he can help me-"

"Even after-, y'know . . .?" Lewis raised an eyebrow and rolled his hand,

"I said I want to make things right!" Alyx reminded him, "That means getting him back and waking him up."

"And then what?" Lewis prodded.

Now it was Alyx's turn to pause.

"I guess we'll travel around and see what went wrong wherever we went." She considered.

Lewis nodded one more time. He didn't like this one bit, but his sister didn't seem to want him there for this stage of her journey. It hurt a little, but deep down, Lewis knew this was a step Alyx needed to take.

". . . Fine . . ." He relented, "I'll see you on the other side, 'Lyx."

"You can count on it, Lew." She smiled.

Lewis looked his sister in the eye, and threw his arms around her.

"You'd better be back home soon." He said quietly.

Alyx smiled and hugged her brother tightly back.

"I will." She promised, "Don't worry."

The two separated, looking into each other's eyes one last time, and let go. Lewis turned and jogged up the steps, the cover and pages of his journal flapping open and shut at the corners with every bounce.

Lewis was glad he locked his journal.

Reaching the top, he paused. Then cast one last glance into the EverAfter's forest, and with a wave, he disappeared into the glow.

Alyx took another deep breath.

"Alyx . . ." The Cat sounded very anxious, "What are you doing?"

Alyx winced, she had forgotten her promise. She tried to be gentle.

"I'm sorry, Cat." She said earnestly, "But I have to stay here just a little bit longer."

"NO!" Cried the Cat, "No-no-no! You promised me Alyx, you promised you'd take me back to Remnant!"

Alyx was caught off-guard; the Cat had never acted like this before.

"Uh-" She tried, "I- I'll-"

"You remember, don't you?!" The Cat pleaded,

"O- Of course I do!" Alyx recovered,

"Then what are you doing?!" The Cat demanded, "Why are you staying here!?"

Alyx felt terrible now. If the guilt from before hadn't been enough, then this certainly made it worse.

She had always intended to bring the cat back with her as something to remember the fun by. And even better, she would convince her parents that she and Lewis had actually gone somewhere.

And coming back home with a real-live, talking cat?

That was the cherry on top!

No one had one of those!

As an added bonus, she might turn them into a fat, contented house cat who'd sleep in the sun and chase mice around the yard. That's what cats were meant to do anyway.

But from how they were talking now, they didn't feel like the cat she always wanted to take. For a brief moment, Alyx wondered if this was how her parents often felt about her.

"Come on," She tried again, "We won't take too long. I can't leave everything the way I did."

By now, the cat had lost patience.

"You lied to me, Alyx." They snarled,

"No I didn't." Alyx looked hurt, "I still want to take-"

The Cat lashed out angrily.

"Ah- bad kitty!" Alyx batted them wildly back.

The Cat didn't take very kindly to that, and with a hiss, they knocked Alyx's knife away, badly cutting up the back of her hand with their claws.

"Ouch!" She gasped and staggered away.

She looked at her hand. A few layers of skin had been sliced through, and her warm blood swelled from the slits, trickling down her wrist.

. . .

The pain was real.

. . .

. . .

. . .

The PAIN was REAL.

. . .

Alyx's heart turned cold, and a weight promptly sank with it. For the first time since she arrived, she truly felt afraid. The Curious Cat stalked angrily towards her on their hind legs.

They had grown well over ten times their old size, their forelimbs were thick as tree branches, and their beautiful checkered fur rippled with every step closer, like the water of the pond where Alyx and Lewis used to skip stones.

From a sugary-sweet light blue and lilac to a starkly picked-out black and white pelt. The Cat snarled again, and its bent whiskers twitched.

Alyx was more frightened now than she could ever remember being. She scrambled to her feet and tried to back away, but something kept her rooted in place.

Alyx had frozen.

"You lied to me." Growled the Cat, "You lied. You're lying just like my creators did!"

Alyx wanted to speak, but her voice did not come out.

"I can see you now for what you are!" Continued the Cat, looming over her like an unscaleable cliffside, "You're broken!"

The Cat swatted her head, Alyx fell to her knees.

"You'll break everything you touch!" Another, harder swat, and Alyx was on her face, "You humans are weak! Lost! Confused! Incomplete!!"

They punctuated each word with every swipe of their paws. Alyx curled into a ball, trying to protect herself as much as she could. The Cat suddenly stopped hitting her.

"But that's alright." They sounded much kinder now than they did before and gently stroked her hair, "It'll be okay, little explorer . . . I can help you . . ."

The Cat forcibly straightened Alyx out and dug their paws into her chest.

"AGH!" She cried.

"I can help you find yourself." The Cat pushed deeper, and deeper, and deeper, "And if I can't do that, then I can mend you . . . Or better yet, I can be you, instead!"

Alyx was in tears; the Cat hadn't pierced through her chest, and she wasn't bleeding from there, but it was getting harder to breathe the deeper the cat's paws went. Like she was sinking in water and had no way to keep her head above the surface.

'Is this . . . the end?' Alyx dared herself to think.

But then suddenly the Cat roared and hissed in pain, wrenching their paws out of her. Alyx coughed and hacked as she came back to reality and scuttled backwards, away from the beast.

Then she saw it. Sticking out from the Cats' hind leg was the worn, brass hilt of a sword, wrapped in old, dirty blue leather. Alyx knew who that sword belonged to.

'Rusty!'

He had arrived with his helmet on; he flew into view and charged the Curious Cat with only his shield. A wide, deep purple wave shoved the Cat hard forward, sending them sprawling into a limp off the platform. The Knight's sword fell from the wound and clattered on the ground.

"Get away from her!" He barked fiercely, and he scooped up his broken blade.

Alyx was out of the way, and most grateful for that. Had she not moved a moment ago, the Cat might have crushed her underfoot when they stumbled.

The Knight spotted Alyx's knife not too far away and quickly snatched it up as well before chasing the Cat into the surrounding woods.

"Drat!" The Cat hated being interrupted, "Bother you, Rusted Knight! You'd dare stand in MY way? I'm surprised you're standing at all!"

The Knight readied both blades and his shield.

"You've told enough lies." He said bluntly, "Her mind isn't a ball of yarn for you to play with!"

The Cat, by now, was blindly furious and swung with every ounce of strength as they could bring down on their adversary. The Rusted Knight didn't even flinch, and tanking the blow with ease, he knocked them away.

Alyx watched with bated breath as the two battled within the trees.

'Rusty' was pulling every trick he knew: grip switches, head-butts, and high kicks, anything he could remember from his training to keep the Cat at bay.

He smacked his shield against the Cat's nose. And in an unexpected flash of light, their fight ended.

‐---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When it faded, everyone realised they were no longer by the tree but somewhere else entirely. Jaune and Alyx looked around. It was early in the morning, and this didn't look like any place they'd gone before.

The Cat was still angry, but it wasn't as bad as before. They were back to their original, small size, but their light blue checkered fur had faded, blending in with the rest of their violet fur.

"Lousy meddling knight." They mewled, ruefully nursing their nose, "She made a promise to me. I merely wanted her to keep it."

Jaune knew how important it was to keep the promises you made. It was his family's creed, after all. But he knew that forcing others to do so wasn't always the best idea.

"She'll go back to Remnant when she's ready." He told them, "Not when you want."

The Cat wrinkled their snout and sneered, but Jaune just kept his guard up and glared.

"Leave her alone." He demanded, "Like I said, you've already told enough lies."

The hairs on the Cat's back stood up as they hissed at him one last time, then they calmed down and licked their forelimb.

"Fine." Grunted the Cat, "I can see it's no use."

They got up with a grunt and limped feebly away.

"At least I now know what not to do." They sighed, "Thank you for this lesson, Alyx. Caroll. Explorer. I'll be on my way now. I hope you find what you're looking for."

And taking a few more steps away, the Cat disappeared from view. Now it was Jaune's turn to sigh, he was relieved. He trudged back over to Alyx and knelt down to properly look at her face.

She was still very shaken up by everything that just happened.

"Are you hurt at all?" He asked, trying to sound as kind as he possibly could.

Alyx didn't answer at first. Her eyes were wide, and she seemed too afraid to even speak.

"Here, let me see that." Jaune very carefully took her hand in his.

Tears welled in Alyx's eyes. She couldn't believe this was happening; she tried to kill the Rusted Knight, but here he was, still treating her kindly and gently.

"I'm-" Her voice finally returned to her, "I'm sorry . . ."

Her lip trembled, and her tears began to spill.

Jaune's stern expression didn't falter. He wanted to be upset. He wanted to be angry. But as much as he wished he could blurt his anger out for all to hear, he didn't.

He knew deep down that wouldn't help Alyx whatsoever. And so instead, he simply sighed and scooped her up in his arms.

"Rusty?" Alyx felt more nervous now,

"Your hand will be fine," Jaune said thoughtfully, "but you need more help than I can give right now. There must be a place we can get you patched up."

Alyx couldn't argue. She just clung to 'Rusty' as tightly as she could and properly began to cry.

"I'm sorry, Mister Knight . . ." She sobbed quietly, "I'm sorry!"

Jaune shook his head.

"Alyx, it's-" He wanted to wave her off,

"Don't tell me it's okay, I know it's really not!" But Alyx wouldn't let him, "I shouldn't've been so mean, I get it now!"

"Do you, really?" Jaune asked reflexively,

"Yes!" Alyx sobbed,

"If you knew it was wrong, then why didn't you do anything about it earlier?" Jaune wasn't as upset now.

He just wanted to know.

"I was scared!" Alyx didn't hesitate, "I just wanted to go home and- and see Momma and Pop-pop again! I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I mean it!"

Jaune could tell she was being sincere, and did what he could to pat her head. But he was still perplexed.

"Alright, I believe you . . . then why didn't you go back through the door?" He had to ask.

Alyx sniffled.

"I have to fix-" She insisted, "I have to fix all of it."

"All of it?" Jaune was even more perplexed,

"I know I did a lot of bad things since I got here." Alyx admitted sheepishly through her tears, "When I was leaving with Lewis, I- . . . I just . . ."

And she trailed off; Jaune found he really didn't have it in him to be angry at her anymore.

Not now.

Because he understood what she was trying to say.

And realised, had he been in her shoes, he might have acted the same way she did. Obviously not as he was now, but as a twelve-year-old in an unknown land where nothing made any real sense.

Without his parents there to guide him along.

Or the siblings he always wanted to be around.

Or the friends he'd made what felt like a lifetime ago.

How much of his younger self did he see in Alyx?

What about her reminded Jaune of his younger sisters?

. . .

. . .

. . .

There was so much. And yet somehow so little.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Jaune shook the thoughts from his head. And saw that Alyx was still crying.

"I'm sorry." She murmured again.

"Don't worry." He soothed, "It'll be alright now."

Jaune glanced around. The ground was white. Not because of snow, there was none around, and it was actually quite warm out. He took a step forward, but this time, he properly heard the sound from under his boots.

'It's paper.' By now, Jaune was even more puzzled.

Juniper trotted up to them, and Jaune carefully helped Alyx up her leg.

"Alright . . ." He put a hand to his chin, "You need bandages, and I need- uh, something for whatever I ate . . . So where can we go for that?"

Alyx wiped the rest of her tears with her uninjured hand and gazed ahead.

"Maybe that little star-thing can help us?" She suggested.

Jaune blinked.

"What star-thing?" He raised an eyebrow.

Then he looked the same direction she was, and he saw it. Waddling happily up to them was a little red star.

Jaune blinked in surprise. It was made of folded paper, and had little pink overlapping bubbles dotting its wings and legs. He'd never seen anything like this before.

"Hello!" The Star chirped with an elegant pirouette, "Welcome to our village! We hope that it pleases you. Would you be so kind as to tell me what you are so that I may serve you?"

Jaune and Alyx exchanged glances.

"Serve us?" Jaune asked carefully,

"But of course!" The Star answered earnestly, "As a Paper-Pleaser, it is my duty to serve all who come to our village!"

"Paper-Pleaser?" Alyx tilted her head,

"Indeed!" The Star chirped again, "Come with me, our village is only down the hill from here."

Seeing no other choice, Jaune guided Juniper after the little red Paper-Pleaser. But he couldn't really focus just then. His mind wandered back to those vicious thoughts he'd had before chasing after Alyx.

Growing up, the Rusted Knight was a favourite character of his and his sisters. A selfless, righteous hero whose actions were an inspiration to millions across the whole of Remnant.

For a moment, he felt bad for thinking she would do anything so horrible. Despite how reasonable it had been to do so.

Jaune knew who he was here in the EverAfter. He accepted it, but now he didn't feel as stifled.

Yes, there came an enormous pressure with being the Rusted Knight. And yes, that pressure had been thrust on him.

But the story hadn't played out the way he'd read in the book.

Maybe that had been his fault.

Or maybe, when Alyx wrote the book, she would change some things.

Anything was possible.

But with that in mind, he realised now he'd done more than what had been written about the Rusted Knight. And more than that, he'd been truly able to help in the end.

He'd been more than just a guide. He'd been more than just a shield. Sure, Alyx was hurt when he wasn't looking, but she was still safe from harm.

Although Jaune was sure he could've done more, he found he was glad to have done anything at all.

Perhaps in the end, he had done the Rusted Knight some small justice after all.

[haejjoon]

in a fight right

[brainrotcharacters]

the easy grip on the knife. the leg over the seat. the hand over the other seat. the sassy "come get it" move. you know the bitch is smiling behind that mask even as he said the line.

[pacificwaternymph]

Did you guys know that Duke's tag on Ao3 only has 7,000 fics? Because I didn't.

[my-midlife-crisis]

[metkapop]

My fail loser Durge who’s bad at everything

[l-mop]

[17.15 spoilers]

Musser making his claim and- BAH GAHD IT’S MISS FROM THE TOP ROPE WITH A STEEL CHAIR

[lazylittledragon]

not to toot my own horn too loud or anything but i've showered 5/6 days so far this week and started running again and now i can kill god

[words-writ-in-starlight]

listen I expected literally Nothing from the D&D movie okay, like I can't make it clear enough that I expected the most soulless money grab with a good cgi budget imaginable, I went in having already gone through every stage of grief and landed on acceptance and LISTEN

I fucking CRIED during this dumb RPG movie. it wasn't just "not terrible" it was objectively good with a clever plot and compelling characters and sincere emotional beats. this movie loves D&D so fucking much and it NAILS the "a bunch of goobers try to be cool and accidentally discover The Power Of Friendship And Also Great Violence" classic D&D party vibe. their barbarian's last name is fucking Kilgore and my entire family cried in the theater.

I hope they make twelve of these motherfuckers.

[bonefall]

Anyway. Bi and Mspec Lesbians aren't a hotly "debated" topic or even new to queer culture, it's just the newest thing that bullies who REALLY want to be homophobic and even racist use to justify harassing gay people they don't like.

It's the thinnest possible veneer of progressive language wrapped around TERF and reactionary rhetoric so that they can feel righteous for forming an angry mob against vulnerable targets. If you're gullible enough to fall for the newest wave of bigotry within the queer community, and turn on your allies because they're "confusing" or "invading your spaces," the SAME way they turned on bi/pan labels, trans people, xenogenders, neopronouns, and aroace people before this, then get lost.

[yuurionviktor]

My favorite little gremlin

[grandwretch]

where is the fake dating au where like Steve is like well Eddie couldn't have killed Chrissy because he was with me that night. we were together :) until he had to go home and find the body :) and everyone is like uh and he's like having sex btw :) and the cops are like yeah man. I fucking guess he was? bc who is going to fucking lie about being gay in hawkins indiana 1986

like just imagine fake dating to establish an alibi and also eddie was not consulted on this beforehand suddenly steve is in the interrogation room like its going to be okay baby I love you so much and eddie is like YEAH. COOL. what is happening rn

[moongothic]

Crocodad AU where immidiately after having left Dragon and his baby boy Crocodile finds an 11 year old Robin. And while he's 100% only recruiting her so they can make a beeline for the Poneglyph and Pluton in Alabasta by the two of them... Crocodile accidentally sorta kinda adopts Robin.

At this point Robin's been running for her life from the Government for three years so her deep trust issues and fear of betrayal are starting to take root in her little heart. Like perhaps they haven't taken fully over yet, and being still a child I'm sure Robin might've still had that genuine hope that she could find a safe place to stay in. But I'm sure the though of "what'll he'll do with me once he gets what he wants?" would be nagging at her at the back of her mind. Meanwhile Crocodile's struggling between the pain and hurt he's already gone through and given him his trademark trust issues, as well as the aftermath of The Dragodile Divorce. But he also has his Fresh Paternal Instincts and probably misses his baby. So when given a small, scared child who is running for her life, being chased by the very same Government that'll want his son dead if they ever find out about him... Yeah that might fuck with your brain a little

You know this post was supposed to be just that first paragraph and just a few footnotes from the following two paragraphs. And then I kept on Having Thoughts. And I kept on writing them down. And oh no what happened when did this post get so long (Look I was going to either kept on writing my Additional Thoughts in the tags or I just put them in the actual fucking post)

Like considder this: based on this one SBS, we can kinda tell that if Crocodile was given a chance to raise a child, that child would be a spoiled little shit, right

So in this scenario, where Crocodile's looking after lil Robin, would he be kind of torn? Unsure how to feel about her?

Because on one hand, this strange child would have the potential to not only ruin his plans, strip him of his Shichibukai Privileges by outing him and his plans to the World Government, but also put his son in grave danger by extension (if she found out about him having been involved with the Revolutionaries and/or having a child). But on the other hand, his paternal instincts could make him want to spoil this poor little girl rotten. But only because he needs to (perhaps literally) buy her trust so she'll behave. No other reason, he doesn't feel sorry for her one bit, no sirree. (But maybe he did feel sorry for her, since his son could very well end up exactly like her. Poor little thing) (Which is why he needs to nuke Marijoa out of orbit as soon as possible, no matter the cost, and this child can't get in the way of Crocodile protecting his son) (But also this is a child. Like how bad could she be. Besides all he really needs to do to win her trust is be nice and make her feel safe, right?)

Of course, while I'm suggesting Crocodile could have some parental instincts, realistically, he hasn't actually spent any time being, you know, a father to a child (looking after his newborn for an unknown though short amount of time aside), so it's possible he wouldn't even know how to parent Robin even if he wanted to, would he? (Like taking care of a newborn and an 11 year old kid aren't the same either) So if he was kind of just emotionally flipflopping between No Trusting Ever and It's Just A Kid for God's Sake, Crocodile trying to be nice to Robin to make her feel safe and then telling himself to stop being so soft and vunerable... Yeah that would make for an absolute mess of a relationship. (Not to mention, let's be real, dude's a scary motherfucker too, and a bloody giant compared to itty bitty baby Robin. He could keep on accidentally scaring the shit out of Robin (who would be On Fucking Edge To Begin With) by just Being Himself. Like for example, can you fucking imagine if he caught Robin trying to cheer herself up with a little "dereshishishi" only to tell her to stop because "it was stupid"? 'Cause I can imagine him doing that, and boy howdy would that make Robin feel bad)

Or who knows, maybe Crocodile was just Born To Be A Dad, maybe he just Fucking Gets It. Like Crocodile is canonically pretty good at manipulating people to do what he wants them to do (see: how he played Vivi like a fiddle), so knowing Robin's position and understanding how she feels, maybe he COULD completely nail how she needed to be treated. Not being too familiar but still making her feel safe and happy, knowing exactly when to be stern and when to spoil her, etc. Dude just goes off and wins the Dad of the Year Award while being a deadbeat dad himself. The only thing Crocodile would have to worry about then would be making sure HE doesn't get too fond of her. And certainly that could never happen, he's so in-touch with his own feelings and so grounded, he's not a softie, get outta here. Or maybe he does but never realizes until it's too late and good luck backpedalling on those emotions now dumbass

Alright so, the reason I went on that whole rmble is just that like. I'm so interested in the relationship Robin and Crocodile already have in canon. I'm so facinated and curious about how the two feel about each other, considdering they did spend 4 whole years of their lives together as criminal business partners, though neither ever trusted the other. A partnership that was only ended because Robin betrayed Crocodile, out of her own trauma. (God, I want to see these two "reunite" so bad, I want to know how they feel about each other now after the timeskip and Robin joining the idiot in flipflops who foiled Croc's plans)

My question here is just that... if they had met 13 years earlier, would things have been different? Especially if Crocodad Real? Because as I mentioned in the begining, Robin would've been on the run for only 3 years by this point, as opposed to 16 years before running into Crocodile. Simultaneously, this would be before Crocodile went onto spend an entire decade all alone, slowly losing his marbles in his emotional solitude. They'd both be emotionally traumatized, yes, but would it have been as bad in this scenario? Like I did start this post kind of joking about Crocodile adopting Robin, and for clarity's sake I don't think they'd have like a father-daughter relationship nececarily. But it would be a strange relationship still, because we'd have two broken people, both struggling to trust anyone. One who had lost her mother and her only friends, leaving her all alone and afraid while running for her life. The other a father who had just given up his son whom he probably missed dearly. Both having these holes in their hearts from loss of family, holes that could not be filled with replacements. But could they find comfort in each other anyway, because they still as people occupy similar roles to their respective loved ones? If they both could just get over those trust issues?

Okay I've been going off on the Emotional Side Of Things for this AU Concept, THERE'S PLOT TOO

So if Crocodile did pick Robin up like 19 years ago, that should be before he set up base in Alabasta, long before he had built is homebase and financial empire etc.

Now the thing is, while we don't know when, where and how Crocodile learned about the Ancient Weapons, Pluton specifically and how the lead on it would be in Alabasta... Considdering Crocodile did once upon a time aim to become Pirate King, it would make perfect sense if he had learned about Poneglyphs during his past adventures, as he would have needed to get the Road Poneglyphs to find One Piece. And while the World Government did bury the truth about why Ohara had been burned down and why Robin had been given her bounty (remember, the WG claimed it was because she had sunken a fleet of battleships, which she had not, it was because she could read the Poneglyphs), considdering this is a Crocodad AU specifically, you could totally make an argument Crocodile could've learned about what actually happened to Ohara from Dragon and co. So, just to make this AU work, you could just assume Crocodile learned about the concept of the Ancient Weapons from Dragon. And who knows, maybe he overheard the truth about why Robin had been given her bounty from Dragon too (maybe Dragon was able to get intel from Garp in secret) or while going to Marijoa himself to attend a Shichibukai meeting or something IDK.

Maybe he learned about Pluton being in Alabasta before finding Robin by accident, and maybe they made a beeline for Alabasta the second Croc recruited Robin. Travelling takes time and the guy would've most likely had to find an Eternal Pose to Alabasta just to get there (also canonically Robin didn't enter the Grand Line until her 20s so they should've met in West Blue probably, since that's where Ohara was) Or maybe Crocodile had to haul Robin around for a few months while looking for That Missing Piece of Information that would lead him to Alabasta. (Imagine the two travelling from like island to island, library to library, Crocodile trying to find that leads while Robin's just so excited about ALL THESE BOOKS (she's helping too with the research) (but to her, research is playtime, so she's just having the time of her life) (Also, notice how Crocodile's Theoretical Child is a fucking loser ass nerd? Yeah Crocodile would encourage Robin reading and studying, surely. And that would be fucking cute))

But like, once they set sail to Alabasta...

Sure, Crocodile could try to do it The Slow Way that we know he tried in canon, building trust and creating his little empire etc. But also, in canon, Crocodile couldn't have jumped into action head first because without Robin, even if he had found the Poneglyph he couldn't have read it and found the location of Pluton. Crocodile choosing to do it the slow way may have been partially because he didn't have much of a choise and it could've felt like the smarter move long-term.

But in this scenario, he already has Robin. Yes, he could do it the slow, secure way.

But what'd be there stopping him from infiltrating Cobra's palace and kidnapping him (in the night, when nobody suspects a thing), demanding Cobra to spill the beans lest Crocodile kills him and/or his pregnant wife* (*Vivi was born 10 months after Luffy so depending on how long it's been between Crocodad leaving Luffy behind and this scenario... Yeah either the wife is there, still pregnant, or there's a newborn Baby Vivi)

Like it'd be a risky move but depending on how ballsy Croc's feeling and how confident he feels in being able to kidnap the king without being noticed... Yeah he could probably do it. And I'm sure he'd have no problem killing Cobra either, if anything it'd be required if he didn't want the Government to find out he was out to find Pluton, and god knows Cobra would tell on Crocodile if left alive. I could see Crocodad being maybe a little iffy about killing Baby Vivi though (it's not like the newborn baby could report him to the WG anyways), but if nothing else, he just needs to be able to pull off the bluff of his life to convince Cobra to do as he's told. And we all know Crocodile's good at convincing people.

The only question is, how would Robin take that?

Watching Crocodile go into Full Murder Mode, hearing him say he'd kill a pregnant woman/a newborn baby if he didn't get what he wanted? Like yeah, I'm sure 11 year old Robin would be fine with that, that wouldn't make any alarm bells go off in her head at all, it'd be fiiiine. IT WOULD NOT BE FINE, SHE'D BE SCARED SHITLESS. That fear of "what will he do with me when he gets what he wants"? Well, Robin may not have found the answer to that question in particular, but she certainly found the answer to the opposite question, and it's not good

So say Cobra, kidnapped (perhaps with Baby Vivi) by Crocodile in the night, guides the two to the Poneglyph under the tombs. Crocodile puts Cobra out of his misery because he's not needed anymore. And he asks Robin to read the Poneglyph for him.

Robin, who has spent the last little while, be it weeks or months with Crocodile, him having become her "guardian", the thing keeping her safe. Crocodile, who has now shown how cold blooded and cruel he can be. Robin, who might be scared out of her mind. Of him.

And the Poneglyph says Pluton, the thing Crocodile wants, isn't there. It's in Wano.

What's she going to do?

EDIT: I wrote a sequel post, enjoy

[k4ychiko]

you may now kiss the bride or something

[allastoredeer]

Ya'll want to know the funniest shit?

I'm researching the era when Alastor was alive right now to get a better idea of both his character, the life he lived before Hell, and to hash out a backstory for him.

And so, apparently, Alastor lived through the Prohibition (which was basically the United States government illegalizing the manufacture, transportation, and sale of alcohol because they thought it was the cause of a lot of domestic violence and child abandonment).

Alastor canonically died in 1933.

Do you know how long the Prohibition lasted?

From 1920-1933.

ALASTOR LITERALLY DIED THE SAME YEAR ALCOHOL BECAME LEGAL AGAIN. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW BITTER HE MUST'VE BEEN?

The Prohibition officially ended on December 5, 1933, and now my headcanon is that Alastor died December 6, 1933. Literally the day after he could legally drink all the booze he wanted.

I am learning a LOT about New Orleans and the era Alastor lived through (including the gay community in the city at the time) which has been a lot of fun, and I just wanted to share that tidbit because it is so fucking funny to me.

[bottom55cs]

Lando Norris , the man you are.