#grind mindset

[blitzosicedcoffee]

I've been thinking a lot recently about my disability, the unknown autoimmune disease, and like what could have caused it.

And of course, it could have been spurred by Covid, or stress, or so many other things. But I am of the mind that it could have been caused by my obvious burnout from the above. From covid, stress, and college.

I took about eight years to finish my bachelor's degree. For many reasons. Financial, Needed a full time job and couldn't do both, couldn't figure out a solid major, etc. And once I restarted college at the university during Covid, since I had lost my job at Starbucks at the time, I wanted to go quick. I wanted it to be over with. I wanted to finally FINISH.

So I did full time school for a year, committed to a major and minor. And then my unemployment payments dried up after a year. So I had to do full time school AND a part time job. The job I chose wasn't that bad. I worked part time at a sex toy shop. Sure the company itself left little to be desired (playboy industries). But it was a cool job cause I got to "test out" the toys, (usually meaning like, on my hand, duh), and explain to customers how they could be used. And I felt like I was also actually using my degree during this. (Sexuality and Gender studies).

Then, my senior year I ALSO took on an internship at the Queer Resource Center on my University Campus. And that was an extra 16 hours a week. So effectively, I was juggling THREE JOBS. That, my part time job, and my senior coursework to culminate into a final research project.

You could say I was already within the throws of burnout, cause I was. But I was "keeping up with it". I was getting adequate sleep, I was still on socials, participating in hobbies, doing chores. I *thought* I was *fine*.

The biggest mistake I made, was when I graduated. I started applying to jobs AS SOON as I graduated. I felt this pressure to get more money, to live up to my degree, to contribute more to my household. Even though I was already paying my portion of rent and bills just fine with the part time job. And no one was asking me to do this. Not my parents, not my partner. Just myself.

After a few months, I did land a job. A state job. Applying my degree. It was exactly what I wanted. I quit my part time job. I Committed fully to the full time job (which was three months of mind numbing computer trainings first), and I was good at it.

Then six months in, I crashed.

I started having nightmares, waking up in cold sweats. I started having horrible joint pain. I couldn't think straight during the day and had horrible brain fog. And it only escalated from there. And being neurodivergent too, I was struggling to understand aspects of the in person office, and neurotypical people's attitudes and reactions. That didn't help.

Which brings us here. I'm on leave from the full time job on paid leave until the paid leave ends. And I don't know if I can even go back. From my constantly worsening disease, etc.

I don't really have advice to give, this was mostly a rant for myself. But I guess...if I had to give advice it would be SLOW DOWN.

Please for the love of the gods slow down. The grind mindset is fucking poison. You will hurt yourself. And if you think you won't, you're lying to yourself.

Another thing to add: Yes I acknowledge theres a lot of privilege steeped in this experience. This is just my experience and what I take from it in context of soul crushing capitalism.

[blank-bread]

Your love is satin fabric.

"Love is stronger than pride" - Sade

・・・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・・・

Your love is satin fabric.

As I kiss your hand I look up,

For a crook of satisfaction 

In your eyes, lips.

For the realization that this is what you deserve, 

What you always did.

Maybe you’ll grace me 

With a tilt of your head,

Press of your nail,

Or the pad of your thumb

Your love, any of it.

And I’ll always remember it, like I hope you do.

・・・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・・・★・・・・★ ・・・・・・

[sofiaruelle]

You look sporty today! 🏀🏈⚽️

[eeveeights]

dont have the energy for real dedf1sh stuff so . this

[thesad-frog]

the only true #sigma male

[madspeed]

beat p3r and the first thing i did immediately after was open smt3 and clock like 5 hours into it lmao

[t-hiswifey]

[frobby]

i know that by "pro gamer" it def means that joonghyuk plays shooters or like competitive games but i personally like to hc as a speedrunner. Hes got like world record in mr goobers day off cuz he can do the dookie skip consistently and he got fast sligma on his best time. Hes a gaming icon

[t1red-twilight]

me sitting in the backroom because my manager told me it’s bad that i feel like i’m going to pass out:

[mindmotives01]

Broken. This path is not just an honor but a sacred duty, an obligation to fulfill the grand design and purpose

[pollenallergie]

“do the hardest task first”

no. just… no.

hot take: this doesn’t work for people with adhd (in my experience/from what i’ve heard from other people with adhd in my life). i recommend doing the easy/moderately difficult stuff first, that way you can convince yourself that it’s all going to be this easy and undemanding. then hyper-focus will kick in because your brain is like, “yeah, we can do this, we’ve got this.” then, before you know it, you’ve completed both the easy tasks and the hard tasks while hyperfocusing.

like, on a serious note, it’s always been easier for me to convince myself to get the most difficult tasks done when i’m already working/in the working frame of mind, not when i’m laying in bed or sitting on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through stuff on my phone, and struggling to start at all.

if the choice comes down to you not starting at all or starting with the easiest task first (which, for me, it often does), always, always pick starting with the easiest task first. sometimes you need a small victory, a little bit of an accomplishment, to give you the courage to take on bigger challenges.

[pub-lius]

its intriguing to me how you know so much so instead of asking a question about said knowledge im gonna ask how u know all this?-?/?-

oh hey!! the simple answer is autism but i'll give more specifics

so i've always been a nonfiction guy, and i first started doing historical research when i was really young on the history of New Orleans from my school library, which was abundant since I'm only about 40 minutes outside the city. every week we could check out two books so i'd check out two history books (or books on ghosts, dogs, or greek mythology, i'm kind of a jack of all trades) and just. read them for fun.

later on, i started writing essays in my free time about the things i was reading about to summarize what i was learning (this blog is just a digital version of that). from this point until, well, now, i was taught how to do research online in school and also kinda figured it out on my own and this extended to my other interests which, at the time, was psychology (i still study psychology but just for school).

its not a shock to anyone that my research on the american revolution and american history in general began when i listened to hamilton, and i started researching information about the events portrayed in the musical online. i read yk the online articles about the lives of the characters, then the relatives and friends of those characters. then i found the government archives and started reading through hamilton's letters. then i started giving all my money to bookshops and now i have a library of fully annotated history books, bookmark folders full of secondary and primary sources, and exactly $1.88 to my name (not exactly but its funnier to say that).

i am very privileged to be able to pay for books and have transportation to libraries and bookshops and the archives and whatnot, and i take full advantage of it!! i was actually kinda called out by my law teacher today because he said that usually people get addicted to things that are fun and not tedious while looking right at me. so. that's a fun thing that happened today.

knowledge is just a collection of facts, and intelligence is the accumulation of skills, and so i do my best to get both. so really any knowledge i have is just enough free time to accumulate enough facts to keep me yapping 24/7/365 and enough skills to make it seem that i vaguely know what im talking about!

[cinefairy]

Please make posts on discipline and hard work!

NEVER.

[tripleciiq90temu]

Click on Passive Income above

[mangostarjam]

it's about the little things, like finally clearing 12+ items on a task list and closing a billion tabs at once and filing away a stack of papers as tall as my shins

[foolbo]

tubbo might be losing his mind but town of fobo prevails always