#i am not enough

[noname-404s-blog]

-Chloë Frayne. 😞

[taste-of-the-raynbow]

I never feel like I'm enough or even have any worth

[mikrhsnobara]

Last year I had the highest grade in organic 1 by 0.1.

I like the teacher I like the lesson. I wanted to do good in organic 2 as well. I studied not as much as I could but a lot. I got 8,5. A girl got 10. I was so so sad and so disappointed in me. Like the girl she studied her ass off I know that. And I just couldn’t be happy for her. I was over reacting and I actually cried and I get so fucking dissapointed. I was so sad that I had dissapointed my teacher. She said she was expecting better. And all I could think about was you are not good enough you will never, you will just keep failing and you won’t make true any of your dreams.

But I did good. I did what I could at that moment and a test doesn’t define me. A grade doesn’t define me and just because I didn’t meet expectations doesn’t mean that my teacher hates me.

[yrn-te-ao]

going to just lay down and sob. dont even know what to say

[sp00kyghouls]

Okay. It is late and therefore:

I am having bad thoughts

[captaingutierrez]

Naranasan mo na ba yung…

Ibinigay mo na ang lahat

Pero kulang ka pa rin….

[she-writes-honestly]

I feel suffocated by how much people need me

Why do people always seem to need me? What if I need me? I only have so much to give. Why can’t I have some space for personal joy?

The people I love go through a lot. They have a lot of physical, mental, cognitive and psychological challenges. It hurts my heart to see them struggle to get by, I want to help them.

But sometimes I give away everything and there is nothing left for me. It’s especially hard that there are several people I help who may not see what I’m doing to help people other than themselves. I don’t know how to set boundaries.

It’s very hard on occasions (like this one) that when I say I can’t help they say passive aggressive things along the lines of I don’t care about them, or I’m not good enough.

A lot of it is how I read it, but there is definitely some annoyance. I feel like I’m not enough and I’m going to break under this pressure.

[i-dont-think-ill-get-better]

Bobby

1/24/23

I am regressing. I haven't sat in bed on my computer in the dark sobbing, wiping my face with toilet paper sober in so long. It is 9:54pm. I am in bed listening to Bobby by beabadoobee crying. When I was in high school, a boy I was dating sent me the song Bobby; he said it reminded him of me. I was 15 then, so this song struck a chord with me. Here I am five years later, listening to it, and the feelings I had when I was 15 arise again. Everyone always told me to be positive; time will heal it all. "You have so much to live for." I have experienced some great things in those five years but haven't. I tried to k*** myself three times within those five years, went to rehab three times, and to the psych ward four times. I always get so defeated when I think of all my friends who are successful now or have overcome all their struggles and dealt with them healthily. I always wish to stop being so disappointing to myself and others. Nothing or no one can be blamed except me.

“Nothing would last

Wishing her mind didn't think so sad 'Cause Bobby always had a stitch on the left side of her wrist Despite the love she'd get, she dismissed”

Bobby - Beabadoobee 

Today was so hard. My boyfriend is in rehab, and I am overseas with my family because I just got out of rehab and needed to be with them. I can only hear from him once a day for fifteen minutes at 7:30 AM because of the time difference. When I answered his phone call this morning, I knew it wasn't going to be well, my gut just told me so, and I was right. He told me his family didn't want me to live with him, and we had plans. I came home, and we stayed with his family. Instead, they are putting him in sober living, and I am not allowed at their home. We also had plans to move north, and I don't know if I can come with him. He said they can't decide, but they are paying for our place, so I wonder if that's true. I am so scared. I want everything to work out. I love him so much. When we talked, he told me their opinion didn't matter, but I felt so guilty that I strained their relationship. I always feel like a burden. He's my person, and somehow I hurt him by being his girlfriend. Tomorrow I am going to try and pretend to be okay. He will know, but I am going to try. I have so much anxiety that I have cried all day and still am. All I want is him, and I don't like his family affecting our relationship. He reassured me in many ways, but my head got the best of me. My heart aches for him, yet I feel empty right now. The pain never fails to rob me of any relief.

“It's that feeling of dread

The fact you may never again Be the one in my bed You never took this fire for granted But granted yourself Self relief, self relief”

“It's that feeling of blue The color most acquainted with me, with you I never took your smile for granted While granting myself no relief“

Odd Reasons - Donovan Melero, Moondough

I am so broken right now.

[lonelywithdreams]

It's hard....

It's getting harder everyday

Knowing that you're not enough

Knowing that your mental illnesses aren't enough

Knowing that people at my university got it worse

They do

There are people who are half-blind

People with autism

People with worse sh history than mine

I can't

I can't do this anymore

I can't even be good at this

I suck

[ghoulibrat]

I am reeeeal tired of going up & down today

[noname-404s-blog]

Why? 💔

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

[whatkindofnameisella]

can you believe that we have fanfiction. that we have websites dedicated to fanfiction. that there is a place that you can go and read tens, hundreds, thousands and thousands of pieces of writing that strangers have made. people who are not "writers". people who come home at the end of the day and have feelings and say, i am going to put that into words. i am going to share those words. short, long, sweet, sad, horny, funny, wonderful words. we are all just human and we all love to make and remake and share that with others. can you believe that.

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

[catmask]

the 'all marriage is gay as far as im concerned' except its me watching a man and woman character in a show i like and accidentally saying 'theyre so gay' because i literally forget thats not the word for romance because to me all romance is gay

[blueskittlesart]

i hope everyone in nintendo’s management department dies and goes to hell no matter what and i’m not kidding