#i don't live in the US anymore for transgender reasons but I still have the knowledge and all of that knowledge is telling me to kill you

[tlatia-the-radiant]

- @askthecaptiangeneral

I will club you to death with your own fucking femur

[orkbutch]

So, I'm not really in the weeds of Transgender Discourse on the internet (I have a life and also care about my mental health) but I've seen something discussed here about trans masculinity and I wanna talk about it.

I'm very masculine. I'm butch, I'm trans masc, I've always wanted to be masculine and I feel most comfortable when I'm presenting as such. Without much effort or any intention on my part I am read as a cis man day to day. Because I don't present more fem, in queer spaces I am read and recieved as a man, maybe trans, probably into other men. People do not even consider if I'm a butch lesbian unless there's Significant context indicating it. Because of this I'm viewed through 'Man Lens'; It feels a different if I say 'bitch', if I talk about my attraction to women. I don't get smiled at, people put physical distance between me and them as much as possible.

This is familiar for a lot of trans masculine people and trans men that aren't androgynous/fem leaning in their style, and it is an upsetting change to happen. It makes us feel judged or misunderstood to suddenly be causing this wariness in others; it feels prejudiced. I've seen people putting words to this like transmisandry. This is something they want to lessen in their communities, so they don't have to experience this anymore.

Now, here's my opinion part: That's not going to happen. You cannot tackle the "problem" of people responding to your masculinity with wariness. They aren't controlling the wariness, they can't. More importantly, their wariness toward masculinity and what registers in their brain as "man-like" is well founded. It's based in lifetimes of experiences and trauma that has told them men can be very unsafe to be around, and that is true. Most men are cis, and cis men are the most threatening thing in this world to non-cis men. They are usually* socially privileged above others, more likely to inflict violence, more likely to abuse and murder others, are typically physically more powerful than others. Everyone thats not a cis man DEEPLY internalises a very rational wariness of men, and masculine presentation as an extension. Especially men that are strangers. (*This is of course different when we consider intersections of race, colonialism, classism, ect. But globally this generalisation is still pretty accurate.)

Honestly, I don't think this wariness towards masculine presentation is something thats useful or realistic to challenge. Like many internalised processes it's probably a good idea to examine it and consider its usefulness, but I think it'd be easy to conclude that it is a useful wariness for people to have. Women have lots of reasons to be wary around men, including the unique threats of transmisogyny. Queer and gender deviant men have lots of reasons to be wary around men. This is The Reality of patriarchy.

Personally, the place I've come to with how women and queer people react to my masculinity (which is not entirely negative btw, the wariness is just one aspect) is that... I understand their wariness. I have it too, toward those my brain assumes are cis men. I cannot control how they feel or what they think about me. I can only be respectful to others and to myself and live my life. I flag my butchness where I can, I make my gender clear to those it matters to, and the rest I accept as largely beyond my influence. All of us have to do this in some places in our lives.

Even though my masculinity makes other queers wary, I have lots of friends! I've had no real trouble dating or finding intimacy. Initial wariness is just that. Once you understand each other, break the barrier, its usually settled. For anyone who finds my masculinity so offputting that we can't break the barrier, I'm glad neither of us put each other through that discomfort. I understand where a fear like that comes from. I will still hold community with them because that's what solidarity entails.

Anyway thats my ramble about masculinity in queer community, good bye until another. who knows how long

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, I'm a young queer mormon living in Utah who finished their first year of college and decided halfway through after lots of prompting that I should serve a mission. The choice brought so much joy into my life and reconnected me with the church, my family, my beliefs, and my self. I felt really lost and unfulfilled at school, and the decision to put my schooling on hold for the next two years or so and bring the joy I felt from the gospel to more of God's children has felt so right every step of the way. I've have my call since March now, and I leave in a couple weeks.

But this new church announcement (the transgender policies) has absolutely shaken me. Obviously from a young age I have struggled with the church's stance on queer identities, and many more aspects. But my heart always felt that Christ cared not about these things and wanted only for us to try and be better and accept his atonement into our life. I also felt like the community of a ward or a church was one of the best parts of the gospel, and so many people need it and could benefit from it even if they did not wish to or choose to carry out sacred ordinances or covenants.

But this handbook change has made me feel like that's not true anymore. How can I stand for and represent a church that is directly excluding and prejudiced against my transgender friends? How am I supposed to tell other families and individuals to come to church when I myself can't even seem to grapple with what it stands for right now? I'm really struggling, I don't know if I should cancel my mission or push through in the hopes that more understanding will come through acting in faith. While every step of this process has brought me closer to myself and my family and brought me a lot of clarity in a confusing time, I feel that right now God is giving me a choice. I listened to Him with full faith and put in my papers and put my school on hold, but now I feel like he's telling me to choose for myself what to do next. And I have no idea what to do.

I'm lucky enough to have parents who will support my decision either way and who are also furious at the handbook change, but that doesn't take away the issues that choosing not to serve a mission brings. All the ward members who will be informed about it, all the explaining I'll have to do. If I don't go, I wish to instead use my mission funds to pay for a humanitarian trip to a place near the mission I was called, so I can still dedicate my time to bringing help to God's children, but I'm already so far in my mission process and I know there is a reason I was prompted to do all of this. But I'm so stuck.

Any advice?

Thank you for sharing all this.

I was just telling a friend that I think God's way is to have us make our own choices, especially the bigger the decision. Sometimes there's times like where you got the prompting to serve a mission, but it's still your choice. Often those promptings are making us aware there is another path available to us, perhaps one we weren't aware might be a good choice for us. However, most of the time God doesn't prompt us what to do, we have to study it out and then pray about the choice we made and ask God to affirm.

I think this way we own the decision. If we marry someone, we have to put in the work to make it a successful relationship and not just assume it will all work out because God said to do it. And when things don't go perfectly, if God told us what to do then we would blame God when it's us who messed things up.

I can see that the prompting you received helped you take a step back from a situation you were in (college) that maybe wasn't the right time for you, and get closer to the Lord. This gave you a firmer spiritual foundation on which to stand when these Handbook changes were announced.

My advice is to not ignore your feelings. If something bothers your conscience, pay attention to that.

Another piece of advice is to think about how you want to serve. A humanitarian mission perhaps is the mission you were being prompted towards, you are in a position now to make that choice because of the decisions you made based on the prompting you received. You can make a list of pros & cons, and as you think about what these different experiences will be like, the proselyting mission or the humanitarian mission, pay attention to which one brings you a sense of peace?

The Spirit is accompanied by feelings, think about how you feel when you're getting a prompting or feel that something is the right direction to go. Keep in mind those feelings when you pray about whichever decision you make.

I admire your desire to serve and to stand for goodness, and I commiserate with you in regards to these steps our church has announced.

[erebusvincent]

"I was planning to vote but I'm not going to anymore" please please still vote. Please. If Trump wins it is going to be life or death for me as a queer transgender man in Florida. I've already lost access to gender affirming care, all legal protections from discrimination, and reproductive rights. My state has already tried to take away my parental rights as a trans person and I'm terrified for my son. There is so SO much more to lose if Trump gets elected. Maybe you live in a more blue state where things are safer for you, but if Trump wins, I genuinely have reason to fear for my life, health, and safety, and my sons, and all of the other minorities that are trapped in red states and unable to flee. Please vote so there's at least a chance for us, this is probably the most important election of our lifetime and the only people that will be hurt by you sitting it out is minorities

You make good points and I'm moved that you took the time to write a message to me. You're right that the state I live in is very Blue. It's frustrating that it feels like my vote doesn't matter regardless. I'm sure a lot of people feel that way because in a way that's true for now 90 percent of the states. It's a terrible system.

I see your concern but I assure that my vote is completely irrelevant in the Great State of California. But, I agree that people should vote. And that this is the most important election of our lifetime, as I don't believe we'll have another one if Donald Trump wins.

[oldguardleatherdog]

let me start by saying, I'm okay to agree to disagree on this, and I respect you greatly as my queer elder. I hesitate to even send this because I don't think this cause is worth dogpiling (and not even the fun way) on anyone against and , like , I will continue to follow and admire you as a mutual who has been through a lot of the hell that I'm going through right now and got to a place I want to someday be. (for context, I am currently housing & food insecure and am trying to live in a queer-accepting city)

Posting will never be praxis, you are my brother in arms no matter what you call trump or cops or whatever. There are some fat liberation blogs that take issue with calling cops "pigs" for a lot of the reasons I bristle at calling Trump a fatass, and like, if someone is actively fighting cops who can and will actively hurt me and my found family, I don't care what names they shout while doing it. So I see where you are coming from and I'm glad you fight for me. I fight for us too, in what little ways I can while I keep me and my found family afloat. I do better work in the community just by existing around people as a living breathing transgender than I could do in a million posts on this website.

I do think that this is a valuable conversation to have, though, even though you are completely right that this is a trivial thing and not at all the bigger, more real issue at hand. I think it's still important, on online platforms such as this, to talk about how we refer to the other people on this planet.

Think about why you didn't call Trump a "retard". You certainly could have, it doesn't *not* apply to some of his behavior. I know people of our generations once used that word a lot, and we don't anymore. Why and when did we change that? I honestly don't remember. For me, my aunt was medically classified as "retarded" and she was the best person I'd ever met, so I decided that word shouldn't mean bad things. The first time I ever hit someone was over them using that word in a derogative way. it wasn't about "mental illness positivity" it was about humanizing the people that word has been used against - people who have been stigmatized and oppressed with that word.

Right now, hopefully, the same thing is happening to the word "obese". Fat people are less likely to be hired, granted loans or secure housing. they can be kicked out of airplanes and fired from their jobs because of their body size. There have been laws proposed to take fat children away from their parents and "treatments" proposed to wire children's jaws shut and starve them to make them thinner. They are often medically mistreated and misdiagnosed. I once went to a doctor with an ear infection and instead of antibiotics, he prescribed me *bariatric surgery.* I have been refused transgender top-surgery because of my BMI, which keeps me at a passively higher risk for self-injury and worse.

I do not care about body positivity. Honestly, between being fat, trans, and poor, I'm at a point where I've given up on ever feeling good about my body again. All I care about is getting jobs and meds and keeping a roof over my family's head and food on our table. Normalizing the idea that fat is a bad thing that anyone can change continues that stigma. When you use Fat as an insult, you are saying fat=bad. Fat is a neutral thing that some bodies can be, like short or tall or lean. The revolution needs to be intersectional, and body size is another axis of oppression that needs to be acknowledged, just like sexuality, gender, race, class, disability, etc.

If you've gotten this far, thank you for hearing me out. I'm sorry that others are just performatively parroting the same things over and over. Civility is bullshit, and if you still want to use body shaming as one of the ways you fight against bigotry, it doesn't really matter to me. Just as long as you acknowledge anti-fat bias as part of that bigotry too.

Thank you for writing and sharing your life experiences with me, and for your solidarity as well. You're striving to make your way as part of a despised minority in a world that's turned unspeakably harsh toward you in an aggressively mean way seemingly overnight, and I admire you for the life you have lived, for your courage and perseverance during this difficult time where resources are scant and your housing and food security is uncertain at best.

(FWIW, after I was bombed out of my Lower Manhattan home on September 11th, my income went from six figures down to nothing overnight, and I was homeless and destitute for years. Twenty years ago, I was where you are now, and I can tell you that what you're enduring today will not last forever, that there is light and hope and blessing in your future, that you're not as alone as you might think, that you must never give up.)

What more can I do to make the point that "fat" has nothing to do with this? As I've said, I grew up obese, and it wasn't until I enlisted in the Army at age 17 that I was able to free myself from my violent and abusive family and unlock the potential of the body that had been hidden under layers of fat and shame all my life. I know that my path is not for everybody, that many others are not so fortunate, and I ceased long ago to think that fat equals bad or lack of character or any other pejorative attitude that society has attached to it for generations. I hope I've made that clear and that you take my word as truth.

I am not saying "let's fat-shame Donald Trump to make him feel bad." I am saying that I'm deeply troubled by the LGBTQ+ community prioritizing hurt feelings over the very real damage that's being done to us right now all over the country by Trump, his minions, his proxies, and his cult of bloodthirsty followers and worshippers. Trump's accomplices in Congress and state legislatures and Moms For Liberty are taking over school boards all over the country, banning books and emptying library shelves and harassing teachers and librarians to the point where they're being run out of town, where the State of Missouri has defunded its entire public library system rather than follow a court order to restore books banned just for featuring LGBTQ+ characters.

DeSantis and Abbott have put in place policies that are unspeakably brutal, that are forcing trans people in Florida to slowly and brutally revert to their pre-transition state, that have given health care providers in Florida the right to deny treatment to you and me and all LGBTQ+ people because we are gay, lesbian, non-binary, trans... but God forbid we should call Trump mean names!

We've seen what happens when we buy into the "when they go low, we go high" fantasy pipe dream. This is not the way the world works, it has never been, and we need to put this loser idea in the trash bin where it belongs once and for all.

We're being attacked and harmed in unspeakable ways that are happening now. This is not theoretical or hypothetical. It's happening to us, to those we love, this minute and every minute of every day. And worse is in the pipeline - they're writing laws that will place us under virtual house arrest, that will regulate where we're allowed to go in our own cities and towns, when we're allowed to be seen in public, when and where we can shop, how we're allowed to dress, even what we're allowed to say and SING, for Christ's sake!

And I'm supposed to be concerned about some minuscule hypothetical percentage of my own people being OFFENDED because I'm somehow being insensitive and violating some trivial picayune social justice warrior philosophy, because there's a possibility of some fragile flower taking it personally, and that I should shut my mouth and let the MAGA nutjobs run roughshod over us? Oh, come let Daddy kiss it! while our brothers and sisters are suffering in real time. Sickening.

Anyone who has a problem with my stance doesn't have to follow me or emulate my proven effective tactics as an activist with 37 years of successfully defending our rights under my belt if they're so dainty and delicate and easily bruised. Everyone else that sees this for the strawman bullshit it is, get ready to hit the streets with bullhorns and whistles once again. We've got work to do.

Your arguments are strong and well-reasoned, and I accept and acknowledge everything you're saying. We can disagree on this, certainly, and still work together to turn back the progress that the MAGAs are making, restore our rights, and protect ourselves and each other. But that will require the snowflake contingent among us to get their collective head out of their collective ass, stop whining, and get with the damn program. Calling me names and telling me I'm being a bad gay activist is a waste of time and energy that should be spent fighting the fascists and the haters who are out to kill us.

And to you, my friend and fellow traveler with a radiantly beautiful soul and spirit, I urge you to hang in there, to keep the faith, to keep caring about life, to work with me to secure our own future and the future of our kind. I send to you my very best wishes, energy, and prayers that you will find your way to a place of health, security, stability, and love for yourself and for this precious community to whom we've both dedicated our lives, who mean the world to us.

Yours In Service, Animal J. Smith

[anamericangirl]

I remember seeing this post about a design for a transsexual flag. I thought the new stripe meanings were a good idea, and I wanted to ask if you could choose, you would prefer people using this flag instead of the other trans flag, since that one has some negative implications nowadays since it’s attached to the transgender movement.

https://www.tumblr.com/theconstitutionisgayculture/719699006978129920

Also, I have additional questions since I find this viewpoint extremely interesting:

I don’t know much about trans terms, but I thought transsexual was supposed to be a derogatory term for the group, or was it just a regular term/original name before getting replaced with transgender?

Would you have less beef with the whole “community” if they didn’t say that some procedures/side effects are reversible, were less aggressive about society affirming them, didn’t involve children/minors, or didn’t see surgeries, like phalloplasty, as a good idea (I find the idea extremely scary, but that might also partly be my fear of surgical procedures)? I’ve also seen Blaire White listed in both the link and the answered ask I saw from you (I’d have to look for the link but don’t want to make this any longer), the former saying that she accepts that even though she isn’t biologically a woman, she still enjoys living as the opposite sex and feels secure in her transition, so I’m assuming that she’s a positive example?

I’ve seen some reblogs about how top surgeries can also be harmful, and I can understand why since most surgeries will be very difficult to live with afterwards, but in what ways is it more risky than beneficial, and what is something you think would be a better alternative, if there is one?

Why do you think that there isn’t any medication for true gender dysphoria yet? One of the things I’ve read actually made me think about that. If it’s considered a mental illness, then why isn’t there any evident research for creating a medication for it?

Other than that, hope you’re doing well so far

Personally, I'm kind of over the idea of pride flags in general. But if people want a transexual flag then that one seems like a nicer idea to me and isn't so divisive.

1.I honestly don't know what terms are supposed to be derogatory or offensive anymore lol. They change so fast and no one in the community even agrees so I really don't know. If I remember correctly it wasn't that long ago that it was used pretty regularly so I'm sure it's offensive™ now but I wouldn't know why.

2. Yeah, I'd have essentially no problem with them at all if they didn't spread disinformation, aggressively go after people for not agreeing with them and prey on children. Those are really my only issues with them. I might not personally agree with their ideology and think they make some bad decisions but I wouldn’t be actively against them as a community if they didn't use their transness as an excuse to censor people, lie, and target children. But I absolutely would consider Blaire White a rare positive example. Even if Blaire didn't acknowledge the reality of being a biological male and knows that no matter the amount of procedures or treatments her gender can't be changed that's not necessary to just be a decent person. Which Blaire White is.

3. I think top surgery is more risky than beneficial because it comes with a physical health risks. It's a major surgery and the only benefit of getting it in the context of a sex change is that it makes you feel more like the gender you want to be. It doesn't have benefits on its own merit. So on one hand it's a major surgery that is irreversible and is a drastic change to the body that comes with possible physical health risks but on the other it might give you some superficial peace of mind. And that's why it should only be an option for adults.

4. That's a good question and honestly there's a lot of reasons I think could contribute to that. First, mental illnesses are hard to treat and often a medication doesn't do much other than alleviate symptoms. Therapy is probably the best option for any type of dysphoria in my opinion because dysphoria can go away and most of the time does if you actually seek therapy and treatment rather than "affirmation." I've seen studies done on detransitioners and the main reason given as to why they detransitioned was they realized their dysphoria was related to "other issues" which is something people typically find out in therapy. Another reason I think there's not much headway in a medication for gender dysphoria is financial incentive. Medical and gender affirming institutions get a big check for every one child who transitions and they're more interested in making money than anything else. It's not healthcare at this point. It's just activism.

[silas-png]

trauma dump? ig? idk anymore im too tired for this

FOR CONTEXT: I'm a minor-- I will not say what exact age out of privacy reasons-- and going through a conflicting time for myself. I would like opinions, honest opinions if you have the time to read this essay of a trauma dump. If you don't want to, scroll past, by all means.

I really just want to know what's going on. I've looked it up on Google and researched several websites and from my experiences, it seems like it could be psychological trauma/ abuse, or parental manipulation, but that's just a guess. I, unfortunately, cannot seek professional help solely because I don't want my parents to treat me worse because of them finding out about my accusations.

---

Can parents support your gender identity and still be homophobic in action towards you? 'Cause like, my parents and family use my chosen name and chosen pronouns, but my parents tend to often gaslight me and/ or manipulate me(saying things along the lines of "I guess I'm just a bad parent", "You're only saying sorry to yourself" and never apologizing for their actions or taking the time to say the simple word of 'sorry')-- this all started after I came out-- and have never believed a word I say. They also place blame on me for things I didn't do sometimes and often bring up past events or faults that I have simply because. On top of this-- and a part that I honestly understand-- my parents do not allow me access to gender-affirming care or hormone-blocking pills. This is because I live in a homophobic state, but the only off thing about this is I have a friend who's trans and taking the Big T and hormone blockers, and he's not an adult.

On the topic of being trans-- or just LGBTQ+ in general-- my parents did not believe me at first. They thought I was being influenced by my transgender cousin, and straight up told me that I was wrong about myself. Then, after I came out as trans to them, they started to take me more seriously-- solely because of the situation in which I came out the second time. Which was them finding out I was self-harming-- it was a whole thing, they both found out I was doing that and was trans that day. funny story, actually, i still have trauma from that day.

My parents tend to blame all of my actions on my being a teenager and blame all of their actions on the fact that I'm a teenager. My parents also have the tendency to shrug off all of my mental health problems. For example-- and for those uncomfortable with the topic of sh, please skip past this to the next paragraph-- I used to self-harm for a couple years-- from ages 12-13/14. My parents found out twice and both times they did nothing. The second time I got a firm scolding from my mom, and my dad was disappointed. Since then they have never bothered to check up on how I'm doing mentally, or even bothered to care, for that matter.

My younger brother-- who's 11-- has become more aggressive in words towards me and very often finds some random reason to tear down my self-esteem-- knowing it's already low-- and he used to use my dead name as a form of making fun of me. As well as this, he's gained a sort of god complex over me. He seems to think that he's better than me, and it confuses me. He also does this then acts like nothing happened when my parents walk by, and he gets away with it. However, as soon as I make a jab at him, he's sobbing for my parents or straight up screaming insult after insult at me.

Also, for the record, my parents treat him better than they treat me because he's emotionally sensitive and I'm a bit of a bottler when it comes to emotions. However, they also treat him with more attention because he has an abundance of medical problems, but because of this they treat me like dogwater and him almost like the golden child. So, I want to know, am I just being jealous and/ or overreacting, or is this actually a problem?

[detransdamnation]

Do you have any ideas for what would make social detransition easier? I can understand how it might be hard when you're around lots of people who still subscribe to gender ideology but I also understand radfem/gender critical crowd is also not always very understanding. Also, that dichotomy itself probably doesn't help. I'm not detrans but I'm always looking for ways to support those who are. Hope you have a good day

I've come to this question about two or three times since I've gotten it, and every single time, I've fallen short of an actual answer because I truly don't feel like any individual action would ever make me feel truly comfortable socially detransitioning when I still live in a world that actively demonizes detransitioners for speaking on how the transgender community and transition industry has harmed us. It's easy to say I don't want to be politicized—most everyone would agree with this statement—but trans and detrans are very politicized identities, and when you are the only (de)transitioned person the people in your life have ever known, you kind of assume the position of The Educator on those issues by default. It's easy to say I want people to be nuanced—a statement that, again, most everyone would agree with—but the topic of transgender identity has become virtually void of any nuance unless you actively look for it and the average person is probably not going to because they simply don't care enough about the issue itself. Certainly, I appreciate those rare gems of individuals who see the person and sympathize with the pain before they even think about the controversy—but it's very hard to not feel like these people are just raindrops in an ocean of reminders of just how much the community and their supporters hate me and wish me either silent or dead. And this, alone, does not even touch the myriad other reasons why I, and many others, may delay their social detransition that other people can't exactly help us with. Social detransition is a unique beast to fight when you've been on hormone replacement therapy for years, or have even had surgery, and have carefully formulated your whole entire life around being the opposite sex because you genuinely cannot pass as what you biologically are anymore.

There are certain things that go into this process that are never going to be easy to handle even with social support—and even excluding those factors, it's hard to think anything short of the world changing its tune would make social detransition an any less scary, devastating prospect for me. I know this all is rather pessimist of me to say—but that is how I feel, supported by... well... everything and everyone around me. Ultimately, the struggles faced by detransitioners are largely collective, systemic problems. This is not something that any one person can fix.

I'm very sorry for the non-answer. I hope you have a good day as well.

[petrichor-and-moondust]

I'm so...indescribably sad right now. How is this progress? How are we living in a better society?

Every day my community is attacked. Every day another piece of legislation is attempted to be pushed through. We aren't even human to them anymore.

Haven't we had enough? When will it ever be enough for them? When we're quiet? When we're dead? When every trace of our existence is wiped off of the face of the fucking planet?

.. I don't know anymore.

Sometimes it's far too exhausting to exist in a society where just being myself is an act of active protest.

And on top of all this, my rights as a person are being stripped away bit by bit. my community is being attacked. We are dying in the streets because people are so obsessed with the fact that their idea of who we should be doesn't correlate with who we are. Because we don't act the way our assigned gender should. Living openly as a transgender or genderqueer person right now is an act of protest. And it shouldn't have to be. We shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail for basic fucking health care. For benefits. For basic human compassion.

Haven't we sacrified enough already?

I'm so jealous of binary trans people. Of trans people who have the option to be stealth. My identity will never be anything other than the "made-up gender". Than the fake one. When people talk about the "bad" part of the LGBT community, I know they're talking about me. I know that it's me who's "tarnishing' the reputation of the transgender community.

What absolute bullshit. I shouldn't be jealous of people who are in the same leaking, sinking boat that I'm on just because they're sitting in a drier spot.

The transphobes will never care to learn what the difference is between a cishet man who wears skirts and a trans woman. they will never bother to understand the difference between genderfluid and nonbinary. They don't care if you're medically diagnosed or not. They are coming for ALL OF US. we are all the goddamn same to them.

That's what our community was built on! Uniting many identities together under one flag.

And with the emergence of labels and micro labels and super-specific flags, people seem to have forgotten the true reason that Pride came around in the first place. To unite us. We are SAFER as one. STRONGER together.

There is no harm in finding a super-specific micro-label to describe your feelings, your identity. Hell, I do it myself. But to start in-fighting over them? When our rights are still actively being attacked?

No.

No, that's not what the community is. That was never what the community was meant to be.

We are dying. We are being attacked from every angle and we are too busy fighting each other to protect ourselves.

So please. Stop the cancel calls and the cries of "faking it". This isn't an extended family dinner when old wound get picked apart. This is an operating room where we are getting dissected for morbid entertainment.

Put the keyboards down and pick up your placards. Because this war is far from over and we're dead if we lose.

[dandelyle]

can we talk about bottom dysphoria because lol

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience. I am not speaking for anyone else but myself. Also this is meant to be a discussion so please share your thoughts too!

When I was a kid, I didn't know what ftm was or transgender or dysphoria or anything. I just had a huge cloud of uncomfortableness deep inside me. I'm sure a lot of you can relate. Once I found the name for that feeling, dysphoria, suddenly a lot of things made so much sense. At the same time, everything became so much worse. I finally knew what was wrong with me, but it seemed impossible to fix.

I got on T, changed my name, socially transitioned, and got top surgery and sterilization surgery. I have a beard now. I pass all the time and am stealth all the time and no one in my life ever misgenders me. It should be a privilege, and it is. But I still have dysphoria. it doesnt bother me as much as before I did all that.

But there's still that one "little thing" ..... my missing penis. This is not a phalloplasty hate post. But I can't do it right now for many, many reasons. I have no one to take care of me after, I can't afford it, I don't live near a reputable surgeon, but all those things could be overcome with enough determination. The thing I can't overcome is my fear.

So I'm stuck here in my discomfort that grows bigger every day. How to cope with it?

This might be unpopular, but I think for me I have to come to terms with what I have, or rather, what I don't have. I need to accept that I'm trans and will never be cis. Personally, that's what "pride" means to me.

I think I'm doing a good job of it. I do not hate myself anymore. I use CBT techniques to counteract the lies dysphoria tells me. Yes actually I am a real man even if I don't have a dick. Sometimes a dude just has a pussy. It's one of nature's quirks. There is nothing wrong or abnormal with it. If I can just accept that, maybe I can stop being so consumed by weens. I literally browse ftm prosthetic stores and forums all day, from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, and then I'm right back to it the next day.

Bottom dysphoria is like. so embarrassing honestly. It's private, not really something people talk too much about except in bottom surgery circles. But friends, I've been struggling with it hard. I want to buy every prosthetic peen available. I want phalloplasty. But goddammit phalloplasty is so permanent and daunting. What if I regret it? what if something goes seriously wrong? i like bottoming, what if I miss that after? I know you can get phalloplasty without vaginectomy, but most surgeons won't do a urinary lengthening without the v-nectomy, and that's definitely something I'd need from phalloplasty. But I don't know if I can give up that intimacy. The best compromise I can come up with for myself is to wait until I'm in my middle age and then do it so I can spend half my life with a v and the other half with a dick. so no, there's not really any pressure to decide on it right this second because I'm literally only 26, but I still can't stop thinking about it.

it's like.... there's nothing wrong with me but there's definitely something wrong with me. like it's totally not a problem to be trans obviously but goddammit there's something vital missing from my body. if there wasn't something seriously wrong then I wouldn't have phantom penis y'all.

anyways I just needed to get these feelings out

[arewelemmings]

Downward Spiral

Downward Spiral written by Are We Lemmings, 2022-12-07

Right wingers hate everyone who is isn't a right winger. It's fact.

Evidence? There's plenty. Let's look at one example.

Remember the phrase, "There goes the neighborhood?" It's a well-known fact that right wingers hate gays. The why doesn't matter. They will make up any reason. Basically, it's because gays are different from them; right wingers hate anyone who's different. I remember being a kid and hearing someone saying, "Those homos better not be moving into the neighborhood. The next thing you know they'll be having disgusting sex on the front lawn. We can't have that." Really? Did they really beleive that? I'm sure some did. But for all my life, I've never read, seen or heard a news story about anybody having sex on the front lawn, gay or straight. It's not homophobia. They don't fear gays. The right wing hates gays. They hate anyone who isn't another right winger. It's just that simple.

They did their best to drive gays into hiding. "If they stay out of sight, it will be okay because we can pretend they don't exist. Out of sight, out of mind." But that wasn't good enough. Gays created their own bars and nightclubs. Gays were behind closed doors. And the right wingers broke down these doors and murdered them. It's not enough for people who are different from right wingers to be invisible. They weren't doing it on the front lawn. They simply can't be allowed to exist. That's the right wing agenda.

These days they're in a tizzy about transgenders. The recent Oklahoma bill HB1011 is a step toward preventing people from transgendering, making it a crime to aid a person in the process. They are trying to erase anything other than straight sex. Next thing you know, they'll try to erase anything creative, so we are all forced into heterosexual missionary exercises of the dull and boring kind while we secretly fantasize of all the wonderfully creative things we would choose if we were given the choice to indulge ourselves. It's puritanical and authoritarian. It's anti-freedom.

Okay, clearly we can't allow this kind of terrorist tyranny take root in America (or any other part of the world where you live). But let's think for a frightening moment about what happens if the right wing wins. And the way they cheat, it's not impossible. It has been proven with abundant evidence that conservatives, far above any other group, will lie, cheat, steal, betray and do whatever necessary to sieze power. They need to be in control.

Imagine right wing hatred and bigotry has eliminated all humankind except those who are radically right wing. There are no other groups of people to hate and fight against. But, no, they won't settle for that; they can't. I remember when I was young, the people in the Irish neighborhood hated the people in the Italian neighborhood, who hated the Polish, who hated the Greeks. They were all white, but there was still bigotry between them. That will happen again. Terrorism and fighting will continue until there is only one group left. And then, within that group, they will begin looking for differences between them to divide up and fight some more. "You hate bean sprouts? How could you?! That's it, buddy. You'll find I don't have your back anymore. I can't believe people like you exist. Maybe you shouldn't exist. I wouldn't have anything to do with you if you were the last person on Earth." And before you know it, there is a literal last person on Earth. And then we're extinct. Of course, it wouldn't proceed nearly as simply as this, but it would gradualy follow this sort of path through hatred and destruction.

Right wing thinking leads us in only one direction. Down. Right wing hatred is a downward spiral of destruction that leads to nothing but death and decay, and nobody left to get sick about it.

Is there a solution? Education will help tremendously. Which is why conservatives cut school budgets to keep us all ignorant and easier to control. Re-educating deplorables won't be easy, but we've got to try. It will surely take a Herculean effort.

What about faith? Jesus teaches kindness, forgiveness, empathy and compassion. But today's Christians don't teach what Jesus taught. So, religion isn't the answer. In fact, the right wing uses religion as a weapon, and are bigoted toward other religions, too. Beyond beefing up education, and possibly passing laws to ensure freedoms, and reforming police to actually do the job of protecting and serving, I don't know anything else that will help. If you've got good ideas, let's hear them. Really. Speak up. Use your voice. That's one of your freedoms that we need to protect.

[synthient]

Completely just thinking out loud here, without having done any research about it. But I was just reading a book from ~a decade ago that defines transgender as an umbrella term that covers "transsexuals, genderqueers, gnc people, and crossdressers." And ignoring terminology drift (like genderqueer being mostly supplanted by nonbinary), I feel like the only one that really rings odd today is "crossdressers"--not because crossdressing isn't seen broadly as "a trans thing," but because I've never met anyone who ids as A Crossdresser. In sort of a reversal of the "homosexuality used to be something you did, and then it became an identity" thing, I feel like crossdressing has almost totally shifted from an identity category to an action.

And I suspect a big part of that is, that there just isn't enough cultural plausible deniability anymore to go "I'm a crossdresser, but not in a trans way." In the same way that gay visibility and the ensuing backlash led to a narrowing of the parameters of straight masculinity (so that you, say, Couldn't do a Village People-style act anymore and have the general public read it as straight), I think the rise in trans visibility over the last decade has pushed crossdressing out of the realm of plausible cis behavior. I'm reminded (I realize this is a dumb reference point lol) of the live action scooby doo movie from the early 2000s. There's a gag where Fred switches bodies with Daphne and responds with "I'm gonna go look at myself naked ;)." I don't think even a Raunchy Bro Comedy would make that joke today--not for feminist or trans-friendly reasons, but because there's no longer space for a guy to go "haha yeah, I'd totally turn into a chick for an hour so I can look at tits ;)" and still be assumed cishet.

And I think it's revealing to look at the autogynephilia theory as a desperate, last-gasp attempt to preserve that concept of The Cishet Crossdresser. The theory has survived to today as a bludgeon against trans women, but it's failed pretty utterly at maintaining any belief in "guy who regularly crossdresses, and finds it fulfilling and meaningful, but Not for any queer reasons. just because he's into ladies & thinks he's hot as a lady" in the public imagination. Post-"trans tipping point," it's basically assumed that any attachment to crossdressing means you're almost definitely trans + closeted (with maybe the one carve-out/exception being "or gay and gnc." which you could write a whole other essay on). So there's just not really any point in id-ing as "a crossdresser" as a middle ground or semi-closeted identity anymore.

(Anyway, again, completely talking out my ass here. But that's my blackboard discussion post on Whipping Girl)

[suicidepostergirl1987]

I never post here because this was really only supposed to be a vent/ED blog and I haven't needed to use it but some stuff has been on my mind recently that I need to get off my chest.

I'm scared, like all the time, of my academic standing. For starters, I'm getting a film degree which is already a useless major to begin with but on top of that, I'm not even doing well in school. So I'm at risk of dropping out. It's kind of a lose-lose situation. I either graduate and have a useless art degree that doesn't qualify me for anything but a position as a minimum wage baristo or I dropout and well, I'm a dropout. I don't know if there's a place in society for college dropouts these days. I don't know if there's any way for me to make a living and pay my bills without an undergrad degree in this economy.

I'm not even sure my mother would still be willing to talk to me if I dropped out. Part of me is worried that if it happens, I'm getting disowned without a moment's notice. I haven't slept the last few nights because I've just been haunted by thinking about how I'm going to make a living without a degree and going through in my head how I'll need to pack if my mom decides I can't live under her roof anymore.

On top of all that, I've got the weight of the fucking world on my shoulders because my mother has told me that she's never met a transgender person she respected. Not because they're transgender but for all sorts of other reasons. Of the three trans people she knows one of them is a bipolar alcoholic, one of them is an abusive spouse, and the third is a college dropout who's started using opioids. If I can't succeed, then I'm just proving her right; that being trans somehow leads to a moral failing that makes us incapable of participating in society effectively. I can't do that. I can't be the evidence she uses when she talks about transgender people. I have to be so successful that I counteract all those other people she's met that she hates so much. I have to make up for their failings in her eyes or else I'm not worthy of love. I'm just another lazy, selfish, trans person who's too narcissistic to function.

I think, in her eyes, you have to be a narcissist to be transgender because why else would someone inflict their trans status upon their family unless they were incapable of understanding the consequences.

[king-killaway]

Just stop. I just straight up dont care about the Harry Potter game anymore. If you play it you play it... whatever. Just fucking stop bullying people. Stop caring so much. I'm fucking trans and have personal reasons to still enjoy Harry Potter so just shut up.

Really life people are dying... I want y'all to care about that.

A 16 year old girl was stabbed in the UK, and its not considered a hate crime so far. Not even to mention the skyrocketing hate and sex crimes against transgender people in England and Wales.

Suicide rates in America are climbing for transgender individuals. Mostly because conservatives are trying their damndest and winning, to make us illegal, to forcibly detransition us whenever they want.

People are calling for Scotland's First Minister to resign after her latest reform on gender recognition.

A mother in Japan was denied her right to legally be seen as a parent to her two children because she transitioned. She is the biolgcal parent to these two children, yet because she's transgender the courts have no reason to give her legality.

I just don't care about this anymore. Fucking do what you want I guess. But god damnit, I care more about people's actually lives than whether or not they might be transphobic or whatever because they played a game. I DON'T CARE.

All I want is people to be allowed to live comfortably and happily. And that requires them to first be alive.

[jwillbiteyourfingersoff]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ Tea Partys and Tears ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

Platonic!Steve Harrington x FtM!Sibling!Reader

!TW FOR!: use of deadname (unintentional/unmalicious), mentions of dysphoria, mentions of transphobia, mild internalized transphobia

Genre: Angst and Fluff

D/N = Dead name, Y/N = Your (Chosen) name

Period typical terminology, so the use of Transexual instead of Transgender

(wrote this at 3am, didn't really beta read, hope you still enjoy :])

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

“STEVEEEEEEEEEEE! GET DOWN HERE!” you yelled.

Your hands won't stop shaking.

Your parents were away for the week (like usual), so you had decided that quality sibling-bonding time was in order. It had been a while since the two of you sat down and hung out. No missing child, no dead house guest, no little girl with super powers, no threat of deadly monsters coming from some mysterious unknown dimension, just you and him. The Harrington half-time show, as he affectionately deemed your duo.

But for the past few years- quite frankly your whole life, something had been eating at you. A deep set offness, building to a head when one day you looked in the mirror and realized that you weren't you.

It had taken some research, but you had found the word that described you.

Transexual.

But you had yet to share this discovery. Because frankly, you were scared. For good reason too. The world isn't nice to people like you, this town even less so.

But after finding out about Robin, not only that she was a lesbian, but also that Steve (Steve!) of all people had been the person she’d come out to? It’d made you a little more confident in how supportive your brother may be of you.

The key-word? A little. You were still pissing yourself, but at this point you'd rather be homeless than keep living this lie.

“Heyyyyyyy, D/N! You called?” Steve said, smiling at you over the stair banister.

“Yeah, uh, tea party… like old times?” you muttered, smiling back faintly.

You hadn't had a tea party since you were at least 10, but you remember them being the highlight of your day when you did have them. You'd bring out all of the dolls grandma had bought for you and set them all up around the table, asking mom for help with the tea brewing process once you got to it, and then you'd yell at Steve from the bottom of the stairs. He’d always come down and ask what you wanted, to which “tea party” was the only reply he ever received. He was always a gentleman to your dolls. Your not sure if mom made him play along at first, but even if that was the case he came around eventually and started genuinely liking tea time.

“Shit, really? Yeah, totally! Is Ms.Shatter gonna be there? Cause she and I have some unfinished business.” He joked, trying to make his most serious face.

“Of course!” you laughed, walking back to the kitchen “wouldn’t be a party without her, would it?”

He ruffled your hair as he walked past you, “Ha! Guess you don't need mom's help anymore.”

He was right, you didn't need any help for tea parties from mom anymore. You could make a nice pot of tea and buy cookies yourself, thank you very much. Plus setting up had always been your job anyways, so you never needed mamas help with it. The teapot goes in the middle with the milk and sugar on either side, a plate and napkin with 3 cookies in front of every chair.

You take your seat, and he takes his.

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, the tea party has begun.” you announce in your fanciest voice.

Just like old times, you and Steve talk about little things during tea time. How your homework has been going, his hair routine, your friends, his job. After a little while, you both settle into a comfortable silence, listening to the soft clinks of fine china against itself.

“Hey, you know, I can tell when you’re upset or nervous,” Steve began “ and I’m pretty sure you didn't throw a tea party just cause you wanted to. You know I love you, you can tell me anything.” you looked up at him, locking eyes from across the table. Shit. 

“I… I do have something to tell you-”

“Is it someone at school? Did someone make fun of you? Are you getting bullied? I swear to god I’ll beat the shit out of them! Or is it a crush?” he feverishly rambled, gesturing wildly as he talked.

“No! No! Nothing like that, Steve.” you reassured “It's just…” You took a deep, shaky breath.

“I’m transexual.”

The words dripped from your mouth and hung, thick, in the air. You looked at your hands. They wouldn't stop shaking. You couldn't look back at him. You couldn't. He's probably disgusted. He's probably gonna beat you up himself, rough you up and kick you out on the street. It serves you right, your a dirty-

“Really?” he said.

“Yeah.” you whispered.

You heard the chair scrap the floor as it was pushed back, and the footsteps walking toward you. But instead of the hit you were anticipating, his hand softly landed on your back.

“I wasn't joking when I said that you could tell me anything,” he started, putting his other hand on your cheek “or when I said I love you.”

In that moment the flood gates opened, everything you had bottled up came hurdling out at full force. You hiccuped as you wept uncontrollably, hurling yourself into your older brother's arms. The tears flowed down your face in what felt like thick globs of pure relief. part of you felt bad for getting his shirt wet, but right now you couldn't care less.

“I want you to call me Y/N now, please.” you got out between sobs.

“Y/N… Y/N, you’re the best brother I could ever ask for. I love you.” he whispered, hugging you tight to him. 

“I'll always keep you safe, because I'm your brother. That's what I'm supposed to do.”

তততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততততত

Thanks so much for reading! I made this cuz I needed a lil comfort lol, hope you enjoyed :]

[bortbytingen]

Last night I talked to a friend about MCR and was asked which song is my favourite. I replied "Mama". To make a long story short, it apparently seem like a lot of transmasc people have that song as their favourite MCR song and we both thought that to be interesting.

As I was about to go to bed, I had an aha-moment in which I realised part of why I like the song and I'm not going to break it down and maybe it's similar reasons that other transmasc people have that song as their favourite too?

Oh and fyi, when I began listening to this song, I didn't even know what transgender was yet.

Edit: This is my personal interpretation.

In case it wasn't obvious, this post will be about the lyrics and why I connect to it/how I interpret it. And I won't write out every thought about the lyrics, but mainly those concerning my transmasc identity.

Mama, we all go to hell I'm writing this letter and wishing you well

Writing a letter to your mother, telling all those things you can't get out in words. Explaining how you feel. That you're not the girl she thinks you are. You're doing this even though you know it will hurt your mum (and you'll therefore go to hell, which for me means a metaphorical hell as in feeling guilt knowing I have hurt my mum even if it also was something that was necessary). With the well wishes at the end, this seems to be a kind of farewell letter, so the person readies himself to break the contact with his mum if needed. This can also be seen as a suicide note with the person being unable to handle pretending to be someone they're not anymore.

Stop asking me questions, I hate to see you cry Mama, we're all gonna die

Similar as for above. The mother asks questions with answers she won't like (like "why are you like this?", "can't you behave more like a girl?" etc). Questions to things that doesn't really matter in the long run since we're all going to die. Once again, if above letter is viewed as a suicide note, this might also be seen as a kind of "we're all going to die, so it doesn't matter if I die now or later, later will just mean more pain".

And when we go don't blame us

The mum is the one pushing away their son, so the only one to blame is the mother/society and not the son. This go whether it's just leaving the house/area or life.

Mama, we're all full of lies

Lies about pretending to be someone else. Lies about things not hurting us. Lies about loving you the way you are (and then later clearly showing that's not the case).

You should have raised a baby girl I should've been a better son

The part that hit young me the hardest. The mother should've raised a girl because I'm not a girl, I'm a boy. I'm your son. And something I could've been better at. Being better as in trying to not act like the girl expected of me, but instead embrace the boy I know I am and do the very best with that.

If you could coddle the infection They can amputate at once

Maybe if you had coddled "the girl", you could have stopped those "boyish tendencies" and removed the transgender parts before they spread to everything.

She said, "You ain't no son of mine!" For what you've done they're Gonna find a place for you And just you mind your manners when you go.

"You're not my son, you're my daughter." The thing the person has done is being trans and the mum is sending him away. Maybe for psychiatric treatment or conversion therapy or similar since the mother views the transmasc part as being an illness. While there he has to mind his manners and act like a girl or he won't leave.

And if you would call me a sweetheart I'd maybe then sing you a song

If you act and talk like the mother wants, she'll treat you nicely.

We're damned after all Through fortune and flame we fall And if you can stay then I'll show you the way To return from the ashes you call

The world still aren't made for us. If we choose to embrace our transmasc identity, we're damned by society. If we decide to try and live as girls, we're damned by ourselves. But if you can hold on and be yourself, there will be others to help you through the fire of coming out and living as a boy/man.

We all carry on When our brothers in arms are gone So raise your glass high for tomorrow we die

No matter what, we all try to carry on, but eventually we'll die, some earlier than others and some by others or own hand. They, other transmasc people, are still our brothers in arms though, even if we never meet them and we should celebrate and remember both them and ourselves since we never know when death will come.

There we are, some of my trans related thoughts around the song. Sorry for jumping between poc. Maybe my thoughts are similar to other transmasc people. Maybe they're not. No matter what, this seems to be a song loved by many transmasc individual, so there has to be something that make it so appealing to us, even if it's nothing like my own reasons.