#i guess when you live through the end of the world you might be jaded by it all

[harzilla]

*slaps hand on table*

Tell me about your Yuusona. Your twst protag. I love seeing people's ideas and concepts. Are they just you? That's awesome! Are they twisted from a Disney character? Sweet! Are they your way to work through your trauma? More power to you!

One of my favorites is @ilmacore 's Maria. Blessed adorable abuelita Yuu.

I have four currently rolling around in my head. Each one is based on a type of genre.

The first is chubby!Yuu, the shoujo/magical girl type. My darling lil chubby gal who is another member of the sunshine team. The best damn support these boys will have. Her nickname from Floyd would be capybara(I originally had it as manatee but capybara fits her more because she's genuinely nice and tries to get along with everybody). I see her wearing a lot of cottage core, florals, etc... soft feminine clothing. Her ending would have her finding a way back home but being able to travel back and forth between Twst and her home world. You can guess which boy(or boys) might have a crush on her based on these pics.

The next one I call punk!Yuu. The one who fits the shonen archetype. Had a shitty life growing up and was a homeless teen. They ended up in Twst after dying from being hit by a car. Most likely to throw hands for pissing them off. Floyd calls them pistol shrimp. Climbed on and smashed the head of an overblot. Threw Jade at Floyd during book 2's investigation. Protective of those they care about. Lots of piercing and punk style clothing. My favorite ship with them is actually Riddle. Very opposites attract situation. But they have a lot in common(Yuu's father was a worse version of Riddle's mother) Yuu teaches Riddle to live life more freely, and Riddle teaches them to be less rebellious. This Yuu stays in Twst when they find out the truth of how they got there because they're genuinely happier then they ever were back home.

The third Yuu is adopted!Yuu. The one from my previous musings. A Yuu that fits the reincarnated! Archetype. This Yuu originally died in the bad ending timeline where Yuu overblots and becomes a calamity class monster who destroys the world. They were given a second chance at life when they finally died in the first timeline. They reincarnated as an infant and was adopted by Crowley. This Yuu is fairly mellow, when asked why they did something the answer is just they felt like it, but is also good at pulling at Crowley's strings to get what they want. They have a preference for loose, casual clothing. Preferring to wear things like oversized t-shirts and hoodies. Their ending is they almost repeat the calamity when their past life memories begin to overtake their current life after all the overblots including Grim's. But the difference is the previous life Yuu has nobody, but this Yuu has their friends, Grim, and Crowley to save them.

The fourth Yuu I call Author!Yuu. They're pretty much a Yuu who gained so much magical power they became the equivalent of a god. Because they were the first anomaly, they don't age at all and have lived thousands of years accumulating magic and knowledge, even out living Malleus. Their life is lonely and they actually don't want to see another person end up like them. Their magic allows them to manipulate the timelines within a certain limitation. They can't rewrite timelines completely, but they figure out a loophole by finding the alternate versions of themselves they think will give the best outcome for the "story" of the world. This Yuu is the one who figured out the precognitive dreams system to help each Yuu out. This version of Yuu exists in a world where ALL the stories of Twst are true. Fanfics, fanart, game, manga, novel, etc... every story is its own world and this Yuu records every one of them within their great library. Every book in the library of their soul is a story somebody has written about the world of Twst.

So, tell me more about your Yuus.

[avatar-anna]

hi! could i request something in which y/n and harry are childhood best friends and one day harry confesses that he is in love with her but y/n rejects him because she doesn’t think she’s good enough for him so she lies and says she doesn’t love him so that he will move on and find someone better, but instead he still lines for her and eventually she tells him the truth and they end up together? ty!

this is about as smutty as i get so...enjoy!

"I—You what?"

Y/n felt like her stomach had dropped all the way to her feet. She felt like she was glitching, like her brain couldn't compute her life as she was living it. Harry was standing in front of her outside her house, jade green eyes wide and earnest as he implored her to respond. His hair, which now curled all the way down to his shoulders, looked unkempt, like he'd been running a stressful hand through it the whole way to your parents' house.

Harry smiled, a small hopeful one that looked like he didn't even know he was doing it. "I love you. In—In like a not-just-a-friend kind of way. I know we've been friends since we could walk and that this might make things complicated, but I just had to tell you before I left for tour."

It was safe to say Y/n was speechless. All her life, she never expected that she would be in this position. Harry was her best friend, the boy she'd grown up with and did everything together. Until his career took off massively, of course. But even then Y/n and Harry considered each other best friends. It was all she ever thought they would be.

"I don't know what to say," Y/n finally said. Part of her wanted to run back into the house, another wanted to run over to Harry and launch herself at him. But her feet seemed to be rooted to the floor, frozen as Harry's confidence wavered.

"That...doesn't seem like a promising reaction," he said, trying to laugh it off. But you knew him, and she could already feel her heart breaking as his own closed itself off to her. "I—It's okay if you don't feel the same, I just—I just couldn't keep it a secret anymore."

Y/n bit her tongue, keeping a lid on what she actually wanted to say, what her heart was practically beating out of her chest to say. "I'm sorry."

Harry's face didn't fall, not in front of her. No, he was too good for that. He would never make Y/n feel bad, not if he could help it. She knew good and well that he would wait until his back was turned or he was in his car to let his face betray how he really felt. And she knew how he was feeling. She felt the exact same.

Since she could make sense of complex feelings, Y/n had been in love with Harry. She loved him when he got her in trouble for passing notes in grade school, she loved him when they exploded flour all over his mum's kitchen when they tried to make a cake for her brother's birthday. She loved him when he made her sit through his band rehearsals, and even when he auditioned for the X-Factor. And she continued to love him despite his other relationships and breakups and everything in between.

"I mean, there was a fifty-fifty chance you'd say you didn't feel the same, right? I knew that," he said. "I just feel like I wasted so much time, and—Shit, I had a whole speech planned and now I guess I don't need it."

Harry was always better than her, in so many ways. Y/n had always been the pale moon to his bright sun. He would get invited to things, and she would tag along because he asked if she could come too. She sat backstage while he performed for the whole world. Y/n had appreciated Harry as a friend growing up, had cherished his companionship, but in recent years she realized she was dead weight. As his friend, Y/n traveled the world, met the most interesting people, made the most amazing memories. Harry did it all for her, and what did she do for him, exactly? Harry deserved more, deserved better. No matter how much she loved him or how long, the best thing she could do as his friend was let him be with someone better.

"Harry, I—"

"No, it's fine, um...Listen, I know the next thing I'm supposed to say is that we can still be friends after this, but I think I might need some time."

"Of—Of course."

For the first time since they'd known each other, neither of them knew what to say. The last time Y/n could recall them not speaking was when she got her period for the first time and she was too embarrassed to talk to Harry. She had a feeling they wouldn't be talking for longer than a day now.

four months later

It wasn't uncommon for Y/n to not see Harry, but this time the distance felt different, quieter. There were no long text chains, silly Snapchat videos, no phone calls just before he had to go onstage. Her only contact with Harry was through his occasional Instagram posts or talk show appearances. She knew that was coming, Harry had told her plain and simple that he would need some time, but she didn't think the hole in her heart would ache so terribly.

Even when they were apart, Y/n could always count on him to be there for her. Now they were practically strangers. It was her fault, of course, but that didn't make it hurt any less.

"You're an idiot," Gemma said over the phone. Y/n had been avoiding Harry's family like the plague the last few months. She'd gotten away with it, probably because Harry wouldn't want to talk about what happened, either, but he must've, and now his older sister wouldn't leave Y/n alone.

"I'm looking at the bigger picture here, Gem," she said.

"What bigger picture? The only one I see is the two of you being disgustingly in love and everyone back home having to see it at Christmas."

It was embarrassing to say, even if it was the truth. "He's... He's outgrown me. There are people who would fit into his life much better than—"

"Really? This is about him being famous?" Gemma asked incredulously. "God, you really are an idiot sometimes, Y/n."

"Maybe, but I know he can do better," was all you could think of to say. "He'll get over it."

He'll get over me, she thought glumly.

Y/n heard Gemma's long, exasperated sigh. "Oh yeah? Is that what you think?" she asked, voice sharper now. "I don't know what you're afraid of, Y/n, but Harry is in love with you. He doesn't have a crush, he doesn't just want to have sex with you, he is in love with you. And you have been in love with my little brother for years. So pull your head out of your ass and tell him before he resents you for breaking his—"

Gemma's scolding paused, though Y/n wasn't really sure why. It was definitely deserved. She needed to hear it, especially from someone close to Harry. They hadn't spoken since he came to her parents' house to tell her he loved her, and she perhaps hopefully assumed that he would be okay afterwards. Hearing that he wasn't made Y/n feel worse, but it also made her realize that maybe she and Harry could work.

"Hey, I have to go," Gemma said in a rush.

"Why? What's—"

Y/n couldn't even get anything else out before the line went dead. She looked down at her phone, utterly confused. "Hope everything's okay," she murmured before going back to staring at the TV in front of her. She'd been doing a lot of that recently.

Later that night, Y/n was in her room getting ready for bed. She applied all her serums, and spent some extra time with her face roller, trying to ease the stress of her conversation with Gemma out of her forehead. As she did so, Y/n considered herself in the mirror.

She was pretty, she supposed. Not beautiful, like the models Harry dated or was friends with. She remembered feeling so intimidated and so insecure the first time Harry invited her out to meet some of his "industry friends." But now she was okay with the fact that she wasn't exotic looking or had fluttery eyelashes or a toned stomach. Y/n knew how to enhance the features she did have and was perfectly fine with not dating outrageously attractive individuals.

As she was putting crescent-shaped masks beneath her eyes, Y/n heard pounding on her front door. Startled, she carefully went downstairs, peeking through the peephole before opening it. Her eyes widened when she saw who was on the other side.

"Harry? What are you doing here?"

"Why did you tell me you didn't feel the same?" he said, not bothering with an explanation. "You stood there as I poured my heart out to you, and, what? Weren't brave enough to say it back?"

"I—"

"I just don't understand why you would just wouldn't say it if you feel the same way," he continued. "Do—Do you think it was easy for me to admit that I was in love with you? Because it wasn't. But I didn't anyway. I just—I just don't understand—"

"I was afraid, okay?" Y/n finally said. She couldn't stand hearing her best friend be so upset with her. "I've—I have...loved you. For as long as I can remember," she admitted, her hands shaking as she spoke. "Since we were kids, you know? And I knew...I knew you didn't think of me that way back then. And then you become this person that everyone loves, and I—I'm not like them, Harry. I'm not."

Harry took a couple steps forward, toward where Y/n was standing in the doorway of her home. He didn't look as angry as he did before, the harsh crease between his brow easing to a soft furrow. "Like who?"

"Don't make me say it," Y/n said. She felt ridiculous enough explaining it to herself. She wasn't like his model girlfriends or heiress companions or artist friends. She was Harry's friend from the small town he grew up in.

But she didn't have to say anything. Harry had known Y/n long enough to realize what she was thinking without her having to say a word. She was honestly surprised he never discovered how she felt about him all these years.

"You really think I'm that shallow?" he said, sounding hurt.

"You deserve someone who's from—who can—"

"I deserve to be with the person I love," Harry told her. "Stop trying to dictate how I feel. Just let it happen, Y/n love."

Harry's voice took on a tone Y/n didn't recognize. It was soft, delicate. Like a caress. And then he did caress her, one knuckle grazing all the way down the side of her face from her temple to her chin. He held her there, his thumb brushing across her bottom lip while he searched for the answer to a question she didn't even know he was asking. Y/n felt breathless as Harry looked down at her, his gaze heavy lidded as he took in every inch of her face. She caught the nearly imperceptible smile as he looked at the patches beneath her eyes, but his expression turned into something that made her stomach turn into knots when they finally reached her mouth.

When he began to lean down, Y/n froze. She'd wanted this so bad for so long, had sabotaged herself and Harry into thinking it wasn't possible. But she didn't stop him, didn't move out of the way or turn her head to the side or tell him not to. Just let it happen, he'd said. So she did.

"Are we really doing this?"

"Not if you don't want to."

"I—oh—I really want to. Please, Harry."

"Tell me how you want me, love."

"I..."

Y/n was slightly embarrassed by how quickly Harry had seemed to light her entire body on fire. When they made it to her bedroom, he was all over her—kissing whatever skin was exposed while his hands rid her of her clothes. And she let him, eyes fluttering shut and mouth falling open the whole time. Harry was relentless as he kissed a collar of bruises around her throat, one hand bracing himself above her while the other cupped her breast so casually, like he'd done it for years.

It was hard to imagine that this was what Y/n was cheating herself of when she told him she didn't love him four months ago. No one has ever made her feel this good, and they hadn't even done much of anything yet.

But in the haze of her own pleasure, she wanted to make sure that Harry felt as good as she did. He asked her how she wanted him, and now that she'd taken a minute to think, she knew.

"Lie down for me," she said.

"You sure?" Harry asked, understanding what she meant.

Y/n merely nodded before easing him down against the bed with a gentle hand to his chest. She held his face in her hand, looking down at him and admiring the face she'd loved forever. He probably had somewhere to be, and yet he was here. With her. She kissed his forehead, then worked her way down, down, down. To his nose and lips, to his jaw and the elegant slope of his neck, to his chest, where her stomach flipped when she felt it beating hard in his chest. She kissed his stomach and all the tattoos on his torso, each hip bone and the waistband of his black briefs, and the bulge in them that was becoming harder and harder to ignore. But she continued on, kissing his thighs and all around them, unable to stop herself from making one little mark in the sensitive flesh.

"Y/n."

Harry was patient, his pants and breathy groans encouraging. When Y/n had had enough, she dragged her nose all the way back up to his underwear and began to tug them down, easing him out of them and tossing them unceremoniously off the bed.

And then she continued kissing him, loving him the way she'd dreamed about late at night more times than she cared to admit. Her focus zeroed in on Harry, on the sole objective of his pleasure. Nothing else mattered more than making him feel better than anyone had ever made him feel. Y/n got lost in it—in the noises he made, and the feel of him in her mouth, and the dull graze of her nails on the insides of his thighs.

"Y/n."

Harry's voice sounded strained as his hand reached for her hair, his grip gentle but firm enough to get her attention. She almost didn't want to stop, but she eventually did, smiling sheepishly when she met his gaze.

"What?"

"I don't think I'm going to last, and I—I need to—"

"Oh." A blush stained her cheeks.

"So get over here. Please."

Y/n crawled over to him, but not before wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. She was about to awkwardly ask Harry if he wanted to be on top or not when he grabbed her chin a little harshly, pulling her lips down to his.

Every kiss until now had been slow, sensual, passionate but delicate. This one was bruising, toe-curling. Harry's tongue pushed its way into Y/n's mouth, his hand gripped firmly in her hair at the nape of her neck. She didn't even have the chance to whine or whimper, as he devoured each one in a kiss. His teeth dug into her lip, he sucked her tongue into his mouth, he pinched the inside of her thigh and soothed it over with his thumb. And all Y/n could think was that she wanted more.

"Promise me," she managed to get out. "Promise me you're mine." Y/n didn't think she could be with anyone else again knowing Harry made her feel this good. And she knew that part of it was because she loved him so much that enhanced every kiss, every touch of skin against skin.

"I'm yours," Harry promised, easing himself in. "I'm yours, Y/n."

He kept saying it. Over, and over, and over again. That first time, and the second and third that followed later into the night. He kept promising, like he knew she needed to hear it, needed to know that this wasn't going to be a fleeting moment.

And she said it back, mumbling into his shoulder as she clung to him, afterwards when they were just staring at each other because yes, they'd known each other forever, but they were something different. Harry was the boy she'd loved for as long as she could remember, but now he was the boy who loved her back.

[stillness-in-green]

sorry, didn't see the answer until today. thank you for that but I mean proving AFO wrong that Tenko is filled with hatred and destroying and no one can accept him. we know thats a lie now but Tenko still dies?

Hey again, anon. So, I went back and tried to fit this follow-up context into your original ask—answered here for anyone who wants to look over it again.  My initial answer was based on you meaning that AFO should have been “proven wrong” in his assertions about human frailty and how, once someone has been rejected by society and become a Villain, there’s no way for them to come back.  Reconsidering your issue (that Deku killing Shigaraki doesn’t prove AFO wrong) with the knowledge that what you meant was him saying Shigaraki is only capable of hating and destroying things…

I guess in the end I don’t think the story believes AFO is wrong about that either? I mean, obviously he was, back when he first told those words to at-the-time-still-Tenko. But now? Not so much, at least in the author's eyes.

Below, if you want to subject yourself to my reasoning again, you can follow along as I talk myself through getting to that quite jaded conclusion.  My apologies if I misunderstand or misrepresent you again anywhere along the way!  Admittedly, based on my experience with the fandom and what names we choose to use in talking about the characters, I suspect we’re coming at them from radically different positions, but my position is the one I’ve got to offer you. Please know that, to whatever extent we might disagree on how much "Shigaraki Tomura" was ever a legitimate persona, we are united in our opinion that Deku should have done more for him if the story was serious about him being the Greatest Hero.

......

So, okay, the biggest issue with asserting that Shigaraki has any kind of moral core or personality independent of his AFO-instilled hatred/destructiveness is that the best arguments for it all revolve around the League and how Shigaraki wants to be their “Hero,” how that’s contiguous with his personality even from when he was “Tenko” because both fit a pattern of reaching out to the outcasts that everyone else around them ignores or mistreats.

I believed that too!  I still do, in fact!  I want to be clear that I think Shigaraki still has legitimate grievances and that his desire to make a world in which Villains will be happier is still, in its own way, noble and true!

But.

But that glorious spread where Tomura says that even if every bit of his hatred is smashed, he’ll still keep going because he has to be a Hero for the Villains that need him?  That spread comes before the montage showing AFO’s involvement in the Shimuras’ lives from before Tenko was even born.  And part of that montage is the absolutely buffoonish reveal that AFO even influenced Tenko’s sense of heroism by leaning on Tomo and Mikkun (the aforementioned outcasts) to encourage him to be a Hero.  I tend to assume that the two of them were from one of Ujiko’s orphanages—I can’t imagine how else AFO would be in a position to give two random children direct orders!—but whatever the case, it means that even Tenko’s draw towards standing up for outcasts is something influenced by All For One.

If you take that away, what else is left?  I could pick a few little traits here and there, but ultimately, what Shigaraki comes back to in the end, in that very last conversation with Deku in the shared mindspace, is destruction.  He pursued it to the end, his last expressed regret is that he couldn’t carry it out, and his final messages to ally and enemy alike revolve around the destruction he sought—telling Spinner he died fighting for it and telling Deku that it’s up to him and his whether any of what he destroyed actually stays destroyed.

To me, that suggests that the manga does believe that Shigaraki Tomura was, ultimately, an existence that could only destroy, and the fact that some of what he targeted deserved to be destroyed doesn’t negate the fact that he was still ultimately defined by the destructiveness that AFO meticulously crafted him to embody.  Even Deku seems to think that, in the end!

Like, really working through the timeline here?  Deku did want to believe that the Crying Child indicated that Shigaraki had some drive other than destructiveness at his core.  One of the (vanishingly rare) times he actually spoke to Shigaraki during their fight was his refutation of Shigaraki’s claims that he’d successfully devoured The Crying Child and thus transcended his humanity.

Running on the desperate certainty that Shigaraki was wrong/lying, Deku smashes his way into Shigaraki’s core and metaphorically uproots his hatred and psychically holds his hands, and Shigaraki still says that even so, the Villains still need him…  And if it ended there, maybe we could say that AFO was “wrong” in the sense you describe—that while the method Shigaraki uses to Be A Hero For Villains is warped by AFO’s influence, his desire to be that Hero is genuinely his own.  But then we get That Reveal, and even the parts of Tenko that seemed to predate AFO are revealed to be just another aspect of AFO’s machinations—Tenko’s heroism, his sense of injustice, even his very existence, all are indelibly stamped with AFO’s mark.

After that reveal, Deku never again pushes back against claims that Shigaraki can only destroy.  He never pushes back on AFO’s claims of authorship of Shigaraki’s life; he never tries to encourage Shigaraki by insisting that his bonds to the League are real regardless of how AFO raised him.  Heck, he never even suggests Shigaraki still has the chance to figure out who Tenko could be as long as he can break AFO's hold and reject his teaching. No, Deku just…accepts AFO's premise, apparently.

And so I come back to the same conclusion I did before: Deku is angry at All For One, but he does not disagree with All For One.

I genuinely think that, as far as the narrative is concerned, the tragedy of Shigaraki’s ending is thus:

Anyone Shimura Tenko was or could have been was overwritten by All For One’s grooming long ago.  Maybe this could have been prevented if things had gone differently—if Nana had beaten AFO, if someone like Deku had been there to intervene the day of the tragedy, if someone on the street had reached out to him before AFO—but as it stands, Shigaraki Tomura is too far gone to save.[See Note]  Deku can end the monster that was behind it all and try to honor the victims that Shigaraki’s actions brought to light by changing the world that created them for the better, but he cannot save Shimura Tenko because Shimura Tenko was lost long before he and Midoriya Izuku ever met.

(Note: One of those "Maybe If..."s the story dangles is Spinner taking some ill-defined step to help his friend, but my opinions are that disingenuous suggestion are just a long string of profanity. Suffice to say, if Shigaraki could still have been "saved" all the way up to the start of the second war, then the Heroes bear way more responsibility for failing to do so than Spinner ever could, and Deku is even more of a fuckwit for not arguing with AFO's assertions that Tomura is nothing but what AFO made of him.)

Of course we wanted more than that.  Of course we wanted Deku to do more than that!  We spent all that time watching Shigaraki grow and bond with the League—why, if the only reason for that growth and those bonds was to prepare him as a vessel for AFO?  We watched Deku resolve to try to save and/or understand Shigaraki’s heart no matter what—why, if everything in that heart was written in someone else’s hand?

The story told us that the best heroes always manage to both win and save, and that we were reading the story of how Deku becomes the best hero—why, if the story was only going to conclude that Shigaraki’s death at Deku’s hand was inevitable because the harm All For One did was impossible for either of them to overcome?

And to me, at least, that’s why Shigaraki’s death and Deku’s role in it feel so wrong: not for the in-universe reason that Deku and Shigaraki don’t disprove/disavow AFO’s claims, but for the meta reason that My Hero Academia lied to us and wasted our goddamn time.  It spent over two hundred chapters building up Shigaraki Tomura—as a villain, yes, but also as a victim, a friend, an enemy, an ally, someone who existed in the world he was rebelling against—only to then turn around and spend its remaining two hundred chapters tearing him back down to nothing and then telling us that’s all he ever was anyway.

All For One killed that crying child a long time ago, and all Deku can do is wipe away his tears and then wave him goodbye. 

By punching him to death.

It’s hard to imagine a bleaker outcome for the “Tenko” that started Horikoshi’s whole career as a mangaka, but I guess that’s what happens when your chosen career brutalizes you so badly that you come to define a Hero as someone who helps people endure their suffering instead of saving them from it.

...…

...Uh.  So, this got pretty bleak itself in the end.  Sorry, anon, everyone.  I write that way to get my point across, and I’m no little bit bitter about the whole thing myself, but ultimately, I just want to remind everyone that the story is over.  I’m not going to try to turn this whole thing into a positivity post all the way at the end, but just embrace that much: your obligation to care about the things Horikoshi wrote—to the extent that that obligation ever existed—is fulfilled.  If you hate the ending, well, so do I.  But now and forever, we and everyone else can go and do what-the-hell-ever we want to do with the characters and world that Horikoshi left us.

I hope we do.  I’ll be rooting for us!

[villainessprefect]

title: The Best Touch

summary: You're sick and run into the twins who have a brilliant idea to leave you with someone (who isn't the nurse).

ship: Azul x gn!reader

word count: 2,179

note: originally written when I was sick like 2 months ago and just kinda checking it and doing it now lol

Read on AO3!

"Ugh."

You don't bother to hide your nasally groan as the bell rings. It sounds louder than normal, making your headache worse as it feels as if the bell just rang right in your face. You put a hand to your head, hoping that could help soothe the pain. It doesn't.

Despite being friends with troublemakers, you aren't one to ditch class. Prior to coming to this world, you'd always been one to have perfect attendance. Even on your worse days you would show up and force yourself to get through the day. That stubbornness of yours had its pros and cons and today you were feeling the latter. Especially after telling yourself that you managed to make it halfway through the day. If you can live through lunch and stay conscious during the next couple of classes you could go home to a well-deserved nap.

A soft paw comes at your shoulder. You blink, nearly forgetting where you are as you turn to see your other half.

"Hey, henchhuman, you're not looking so great." It's always strange to hear Grim sound worried. For a moment, you think you're imagining it. "You think you can handle the rest of the day? One of us has to pay attention in class, especially in that snoozefest called history."

Well, he tried, you guess. It's not easy for him to loosen up and show concern for too long.

"I'll be fine," you say in your best normal-sounding voice, which fails as it ends in a cough. "Just don't expect me to fight for food in the cafeteria today."

"I don't always need your help!" Grim huffs. Despite pouting, he doesn't hesitate to climb up your arm when offered to him. He perches himself on your shoulder and while you regret the extra weight you figure it might help keep you awake. You wouldn't want to fall with him on your shoulder since you'll never hear the end of it.

"...Maybe I'll grab ya a sandwich just this once."

You smile as you get to your feet. While you doubt that you have the stomach for it, you're grateful.

Being one of the last to leave means the halls are fairly empty. The crowd has already formed near the entrance of the cafeteria and it's not something you're looking forward to. At least, for now, you have room to stumble and sway without bumping into another student. Unnecessary fights and tumbling to the floor are being avoided today. Although the latter might come true with how sluggish you're feeling.

It's fine. Everything will be fine. All you have to do is grab a seat and eat something and then go on with the day. You can do this.

"Lil Shrimpy~!"

You jolt instantly from hearing that nickname. There's only one person who calls you that and while you don't mind him like most, today isn't a day you think you can handle Floyd. You hold your breath and turn to spot not just one eel, but two.

"Keep moving!" Grim hisses in your ear and you whine. The poor creature tries to hide behind you as the twins approach.

"Hey, why didn'tcha answer me calling out to ya earlier?" Floyd asks with a hum. When you don't answer promptly, he tilts his head, heterochromatic eyes boring into yours. "Man, you look worse than a flounder."

"Nothing. I'm fine." You sniffle.

"Y-Yeah! My henchhuman is perfectly fine!" Grim reiterates with all the courage he can muster. Which instantly disappears the moment Floyd's gaze turns to him instead.

"Are you certain?" Jade inquires. "As my dear brother said, you don't look as pristine as you could be, Prefect."

You can't tell if he's poking fun at you or not. He probably is, like always, but at least when you're healthy you can tell. Right now, you don't have the energy to keep up with either of them.

"Someone's lying~! Don'tcha know what happens to liars?" Floyd's voice echoes in your head.

You shut your eyes and try to breathe. A coughing fit feels like its about to burst from your mouth and you raise a hand to cover it. No matter how hard you try to hold it back, it escapes.

"H-Henchhuman?!" Grim shouts in a panic. You feel him clutch onto your shoulder. This is the worst you've sounded all day, so it's no surprise he's worried.

The headache that's been lingering feels worse. Hell, it feels as if the pounding is going to drag your head down to meet with the floor. So much for avoiding that today.

And is it just you or is it getting hotter in here? You've already taken off your jacket. Maybe you should head to the bathroom and splash some cool water on your face.

You try to turn but feel a wave of nausea. You forget that two underwater giants are watching you like prey. They see how you fumble, take a misstep, and slam against the wall. A giggle escapes from one and in this state, you can't tell who.

"Hey!" Grim cries as he falls along with you. While you slide down, he jumps off your shoulder and lands on his hind feet. Paws press against your arm, shaking you weakly. "Dammit! I should have ordered you to stay in bed! We could have totally ditched today."

"Oya? Is someone having trouble with their housemate?" Jade asks.

Grim jumps as the twins hover beside you both. He takes a step back, about to take another before he pauses. The cat hisses, fur standing on end.

"I dunno why you're still here, but they're my henchhuman!"

Floyd laughs, loudly. "The earless seal thinks he can mess with us?" His laugh comes to a sudden halt as he takes a step forward, stomping inches away from your fallen figure. With ease, he picks up the cat by the fur on the back of his neck. "Go ahead and try to hit me if you wana~" Floyd challenges with a sharp grin.

Grim raises his paws in defense. He wants to protect you, really, he does, but how can he? Without you, he can't handle both of them at once! You could distract one or both since they find you more interesting. But left alone with them, it's as if they've become the cats and he's the mouse.

"Now, now, you know fights shouldn't break out in the halls while no one is around," Jade chimes in. The way he says it makes it sound as if he's never done it before. "You should know, Grim, that we're worried about them too."

"Nyah?" Grim blinks, paws dropping. He glares at Jade. "Worried? You two? You probably just want to eat them!"

"Shrimpy does taste delicious!" Floyd chirps and licks his lips. Grim doesn't want to know what that means or if he's playing around or not, and now he really doesn't want to leave you alone with them.

"If you don't hurry, you won't get anything to eat for lunch." Jade takes a step forward and pulls the cat from his brother's grasp. Floyd pouts but lets the cat go free. "We'll make sure the Prefect gets the best care at the nurse's office."

"Ngh..." Grim looks between you and the eels. Your poor defenseless body disappears behind them, both wearing matching, untrustworthy grins. He shuts his eyes, hating that he can't do anything. In a fit of anger, he blows fire at them. It misses, unsurprisingly, but the cat is already on his feet and running to the cafeteria. He can get back up there.

Once the eels are alone, they glance at each other in sync.

"Eh? The nurse? Seriously? That's so boring." Floyd sighs. He moves and picks up your unconscious body with little effort, throwing you over his shoulder. Once he's comfortable with how you’re held, he begins to walk in the opposite direction. "I know a better place to take them~"

~...~

"Azul!" Floyd shouts as he kicks the door open. If it weren't for magical reinforcement, the door would have flown off its hinges.

Used to this action, Azul isn't surprised by the sudden intrusion, but he is still annoyed. He lifts his gaze from the pile of papers on his desk, about to snap at Floyd and demand a reason for his appearance until he sees you hanging over his shoulder.

"Why...do you have the Prefect?" He clears his throat, trying to conceal the hint of worry that seeps out.

"They're sick. So, thought you'd want them." Floyd shrugs nonchalantly, adjusting you as he does.

"What?! You should take them to the nurse's office!" Azul shakes his head as he gets to his feet. Sure, he wouldn't dare turn away a chance to spend time with you, but not when you're being carried like a sack of potatoes by Floyd while you're ill. It would be beneficial to him if he knew beforehand so he could make the proper arrangements to show up with the right cure and have you in debt to him. How can he do anything like that now?!

"Nah, don't wana." Without either consent, he flops you down onto the couch. He doesn't hide his knowing grin as he heads to the door. "Have fun with them!"

Azul catches his brother's figure in the hall and he can't pinpoint who planned this. Not that it mattered, both were going to be working an extra shift for this.

"I swear, those two..." He mumbles and bites down on his tongue when he remembers that he isn't alone.

He steps to the side of the couch, gaze cast upon you. It stings to see you...like this. Weak and fragile. In pain. Taking in a single breath is a toll on your very body as if you're breathing water instead of air. He can only imagine how much pain you're really in. You wouldn't dare to expose all of your pain, even in this state.

Azul frowns, eyes filled with worry. He's thankful that he has the privacy of the VIP room to allow such emotions to show. He can already hear your voice, telling him that he should relax more, no need to be so perfect all the time. But he has to be, for you. He wonders if you do the same. Putting up a front to be strong. Maybe you'd spill more while in a weakened state. It's a hard temptation to pass on.

He lowers himself to your level. Carefully, he takes off a glove and presses his hand against your forehead. He's not surprised by the heat radiating from you. Just how long have you been like this? And how did the twins manage to find you? He could take a simple guess. Your persistence to attend class despite everything is the answer. Or rather, your determination to fight all odds.

"My, my, the Prefect can take care of everyone but themselves," he murmurs, voice so soothing and gentle.

The sound of his voice is comforting, you yearn to hear more. As your eyes flutter open your vision is hazy. It looks almost dreamlike with only Azul being in focus.

"A...zul?" You breathe out. You're dreaming, you have to be. One second you were leaving class and the next the Octavinelle housewarden is in front of you. Definitely a dream. You give him a weak smile and take the hand that is still pressing against your forehead. You pull it down to your cheek, nuzzling into it and keeping it pressed against your skin.

"Cool..." His hand isn't cold, but against your feverish skin, it feels pleasant.

Meanwhile, Azul is frozen by your actions. He's grateful that you aren't fully conscious so you can't see him floundering for words nor the way his cheeks burn. He's almost afraid to say more and wake you once more.

"Prefect?"

You hum in response, but that's all you give him. You've fallen back asleep it seems. Azul lets out a breath he'd been holding. Then his gaze falls back to his hand nestled perfectly against your cheek. It's almost like a dream come true for him to hold you like this...but not while you sleep!

"I have work to do, you know," he says softly as if lightly scolding you. He won't get a response and he doesn't want one. Letting you sleep and recover is what he wants. Besides, you can't see how he has to hide his embarrassment when trapped like this. "And here you are eating up all my time. You're a lucky one. I don't just let anyone do this for free."

He wishes that he could at least prepare some tea or medicine for you to wake up to. Wouldn't that be amazing to wake up to? For now, he has to be content with watching you sleep. It seems that his hand had some healing effect as you’re sleeping easier now compared to earlier. Maybe he'll offer to do this for you again...at a price, of course.

[thesinglesjukebox]

JADE - "ANGEL OF MY DREAMS"

And single of ours...

[7.45]

Julian Axelrod: You never know when you'll hear the song that changes your life. It could come from a DJ, or an algorithm, or a girl group lifer who you could have sworn was the third most famous member of Fifth Harmony but was actually the first or second most notable member of Little Mix, depending on who you ask. I had no idea what Jade Thirlwall's debut single would sound like before I first pressed play, but even if you gave me 1000 guesses, I never would have landed on "Rina Sawayama doing Uffie over a Eurovision sample that curdles into the nastiest dubstep drop since the Obama administration." This isn't the first time an X Factor alum has stuffed a solo single with a million disparate elements to keep things interesting; it's not even the first time it's happened this year. But the magic of "Angel of My Dreams" is the way it extends that first-listen feeling to listens 2-500. Even though I know the song by heart, each individual section is so strong that I never expect the drop, or the rap verse, or the intro melody reprise at the end. (I didn't even notice the camera flash sound effects at the 2:07 mark until my third listen!) This could be the start of an all-time pop run, or it could be a fleeting moment of glory. I couldn't care less: When I'm listening to "Angel of My Dreams," I just want to live in each moment until it ends, then immediately live them all again. [10]

Harlan Talib Ockey: Girls Aloud doing nightcore “Bohemian Rhapsody”, except also emotionally brutal. We will watch your solo career with great interest. [7]

Dave Moore: How do you even write a pop melody like this these days? Nothing borrowed yet nothing new -- dozens of refreshes of WhoSampled yields nothing to alleviate my nagging sense that surely I've heard it before; my brain refuses to play a rousing game of earworm hunt like with Chappell Roan. It's a bit of a shame that the whole thing devolves into a K-pop-ish party-by-numbers muddle, but in the end she wins, is not in the bin, etc. [8]

Kat Stevens: If I don't win, I'm in the bin. Specifically, the bin on Deptford High Street opposite Perfect Fried Chicken. [8]

Iain Mew: Some of the joy "Angel of My Dreams" has brought is that it's 80% of the way to being a maximalist Rina Sawayama song, and yet is also a persistent enough UK hit to have re-entered the top ten in its fourth week. The range of possibilities looks newly widened. Jade brings some specific things to make it her own triumph too. It's not just leading off with something so ambitious and inventive, but that she is able to wear it so lightly and naturally, Harry Styles-style. It's even more impressive to do so with a song that appears to dig into bitter personal experience, centred around repetitions of IT'S NOT FAIR so resonant as to move from sulk to deep truth.  [9]

Nortey Dowuona: Jade Thirlwall apparently sees the chance to etch her name into stone, rather than make a safe, easy pitch that might simply be forgotten or regarded as nice. But there are many songs about the cruel and unusual punishment of daring to use one's talent and love to make random weirdos who wear unflattering V-necks a lot of money. Thus Mike Sabath, creator of the world-conquering "Escapism" (and, in a fun little twist, another Jade and Mike Joint as well as the second best Liam Payne song) starts us off with a wilting cry of desperation that has to be walloped by the heavy swing of the chorus, glittery synths sitting atop. The song zips into raspy bass and flimsy and flimsier kick/snare patterns from then on, slowly flattening you until you are nearly crushed. The heavy-handed swing of the first chorus sweeps back in to save you and bind you to it as it disappears, Jade's firm, fluttery soprano left hanging out on the ledge. It's almost as if JADE, unlike RAYE, is not begging to be set free -- she's begging to be let in. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: Cycling through three different song concepts in the first 35 seconds suggests not so much a desire to "do something crazy" as a struggle to hit on anything melodically memorable. It turns out that the slowed-down bass-heavy breakdown works, as does the twinkling fairy dance augmenting the chorus, but a lot of this mistakes attitude for tune -- the sort of B-grade effort that made Little Mix only intermittently worthwhile. See, for instance, Jade stretching out  "feels li-yi-yi-yi-yi-ke" and "spoli-yi-yi-yi-yi-ight" for no real purpose beyond filling time before the next switch up. [4]

Taylor Alatorre: The lack of concern for the cleanliness of the transitions make this feel like a promising storyboard in search of a director, or least someone to step in and say that a desire to be seen as daring and boundary-pushing does not equate to such, and can in fact expose the whole gambit. Most listeners should walk away with a favored segment to return to -- mine is the chrome-polished, push-to-start recitation of the title phrase -- but a quarterlife retrospective like this should feel more internally cohesive than a sitcom clip show. [5]

Ian Mathers: The classic "pick your battles. pick… pick fewer battles than that. put some battles back. that’s too many" tumblr post, now in song form! [7]

Mark Sinker: The idea was like a will o’the wisp or Capt.Fawcett’s Lost City of Z, a gleam, a flicker, a dangerous promise glimpsed across a clearing and through the trees -- and it was something like this (it was always hard to explain clearly). A manufactured alt-pop girlie gang, perfectly designed to win reality TV competitions because also able to fashion the drama of their rise -- and their internal ebbs and flows -- into quilted chart-prog rap-adjacent concept EPs and singles-length mini-musicals, like the Hamilton of the Sugababes. It’s there, always beckoning, just out of reach -- and the acts that pass through the glamour of it are always great, of course, very great, but they also always dissipate too fast, before they really land on the absolute thing itself. Perhaps that's the point; perhaps that's my doom.  [9]

Katherine St. Asaph: I am banned from time machines now because I abused my time-travel privileges to do frivolous shit, like posting this song to the Popjustice forums in 2007 and measuring the blast radius of Xenomaniac rapture. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[whalemarch]

hello i LOVE your art!! i’m a heizou main and i just started playing persona 5 royal so i need to know what you think would happen if heizou & akechi met because i think the world would end, personally

i don't know about the world, but that definitely would be the end of me!

on surface level, i can see akechi and heizou work pretty well together in a professional setting. they both are highly confident in their deductive skills, and their rather cocky attitude is a prime material for fun banter, but they'd quickly take notice of each other's sharp wits and know that they can rely on each other when it comes to seeing through things that are more than meets the eye.

but that part of heizou, including his prided intuition, could become a nuisance for akechi when he wants to keep things to himself, being a very guarded person he is, while it probably won't be much of a problem for heizou if it's the other way around, considering how heizou's loneliness stems from people's common misconception of him as a person.

akechi and heizou interaction actually has so much potential based on their clashing views and ideals! heizou's ambition to become "evil's natural enemy" might be seen as naive to akechi's jaded perspective, and heizou's deeply sympathetic nature is the root of his insecurity when it comes to making decision that can affect mental well-being of the innocent, while akechi reserves no place for hesitation and sugar-coating truth since he abhors the idea of living in a lie forced on him.

and there's much more, but let me end it here by guessing that they probably can't stand each other to an extent and that they would throw subtle jab at each other on occasion lol

[djcanipe99]

Dick : I got a telegram from a lady in Texas today, and you know what it said?

Jade: What?

Dick : Beat those Commie bastards. We're playing a hockey game against the greatest team in the world, and they're the best that's ever played this game. Why can't we just leave it at that?

Jade : Because this is more than a hockey game to a lot of people.

Dick: Yeah and I keep running through them all. Johnson on Mikhailov. Broten on Petrov. Pav against whoever OV. We just... We don't match up, Jade .

Jade : You might want to skip that when you talk to the boys tomorrow.

Jade: Dick, there's no disgrace in losing to this team.

Dick: Yeah, I know.

Jade: The important thing is, you got this far.

Dick : The important thing?

[pause]

Dick : The important thing is that those twenty boys know in twenty years, they didn't leave anything on the table. They played their hearts out. That's the important thing.

[leans over and kisses Jade on the cheek, while she rests her head on his shoulder

Megan : If I touch someone, I can feel their feelings.

Dick: You read minds?

Megan:No. Telepaths know thoughts. Empaths feel feelings. Emotions.

Megan : [to Dick] May I?

Dick :All right.

Megan : [Megan touches Dick’s hand] You feel... love.

Dick: Yeah. I guess, yeah, I feel a general, unselfish love for just about everybody...

Megan : No! Romantic, sexual love.

Dick : No. No, I don't.

Megan : [points to Jade ] For her!

Dick : No, no. No, I don't.

Megan : [points to Jade ] For her.

Dick: No! That is not...

[conner starts laughing hysterically]

Dick: Okay... That's...

Conner:[still laughing] She just told everyone your deepest, darkest secret!

Dick: Dude, come on, I think you're overreacting a little bit.

Conner:[ still laughing] You must be so embarrassed!

Conner:[to Megan] Do me! Do me! Do me!

[Megan touches Conner and she starts laughing hysterically]

Megan :I've never felt such humor!

Dick : So unbelievably uncool.

Conner Oh, Grayson…

[Megan walks over to Jade to touch her]

Jade : Touch me, and the *only* thing you're gonna feel is a broken jaw.

///

Dick: I thought your thing was a sword?

Jade: We've been hired to stop an inter-dimensional beast from feeding on those batteries and I'm going to stop it with a sword?

Dick : It's just... swords were your thing and guns were mine, but... I guess we're both doing guns now. I just didn't know that.

Dick : [putting Lian to bed] Not that it's a competition, but she loves me 3,000.

Jade : Oh, does she, now?

Dick : You were somewhere in the low 6 to 900 range.

Dick plays the song in the jukebox]

Jade : I LOVE THIS SONG!

Dick : Really?

Jade : Yes! Stevie Nicks!

Dick: Yeah... Stevie!

Jade: You know, she came to town and she did a concert and she was just so... wild! Oh my gosh! Oh!

Dick: Yeah, she put on the best show I've ever seen. And she is so much better live than she is on the album!

Jade : Yes, oh my gosh! No comparison!

Dick: You know, I'd like to take the kids to a concert.

Jade : Concert?

Dick : There is one at the end of the month... but you have a policy about field trips.

Jade : Would it be... educational?

Dick : Would it be educational? It would be VERY educational. They play Beethoven and Mozart and stuff.

Jade: Maybe we can make an exception!

Dick : YES!

Jade, Dick : [singing Stevie Nicks' song while doing a high five] Sings a song, sounds like she's singing whooo! Baby whoo! Said whooo!

Jade: Well I went today, maybe I will go again... TOMORROW!

Dick : Uh, how long is the job?

Jade: My guess is, as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.

Dick : Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?

Jade : We pay our substitutes $650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr.west will be back?

Dick : Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about...Wally,PHONE!

[Dick plays with the phone cord for a few seconds, as though he passes it]

Dick:[speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Wally west.

Jade: Mr west ... This is considered the best elementary school in the state and we maintain that reputation by adhering a strict code of conduct, faculty including.

Dick: You don't have to worry about me because I'm a hard-ass. And if a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking them in the head.

Jade: No, no. We don't use corporal punishment here.

Dick : Okay, so just... verbal abuse?

Jade: If you have any problems with any students, send them to me. I will do the disciplining.

Dick: [Patty opens the curtains. Dock wakes up] What? What is it?

Wally:Dick ,hey, it's the first of the month, and, uh, I would like you to share the rent now, please.

Dick: Oh, man! You know I don't have it! You wake me up for that? Come on, man!

Wally : Sorry.

[Artemis begs Wally to keep talking to Dick]

Wally : Dick! I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.

Artemis: Yeah, try 2200 dollars!

Dick: Okay, you guys, the band is about to hit it big time. We're gonna win Battle of the Bands, and we're gonna roll it in the Benjamins, I will throw you like a dog with a bone. Good night!

Artemis: Oh, give it up! Your band has never made two cents!

Wally: Arty ,come on! I'm on this!

Artemis: Oh, you're on this? You're on this? He's walking all over you!

Dick : Mommy, could we please talk about this later?

Artemis: Uh, no, we can't talk about it later because Wally and I have to go to work. We have jobs. We contribute to society, all right? I'm an assistant to the mayor of this city, hello?

Dick : Wally, can you get her out of here. please? Why? Why her?

Artemis: And Wally has the most important job there is.

Dick: Temping?

Wally: [aggravated] Dick, a substitute teacher is not a temp!

Dick : [sarcastically] He's a babysitter!

Wally: Oh, yeah, you think it's so easy? I'd like to see you try. You would've last one day!

Dick : Dude, I serve the society by rocking, okay? I'm out there on the front lines elaborating people with my music. Rocking ain't no walk in the park, lady!

Artemis: All right, this is useless, all right? You tell him that if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week, he's out of here!

Wally: Dick, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so... I don't know, I mean, maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.

Dick : What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?

Artemis : Oh, my God, he's an idiot!

Dick : Dude, I've been mooching off here for years, and it's never been a problem until she showed up. Just dump her, man!

Wally: Yeah, well, if you don't come up with some money, she's gonna dump me. She's fed up.

Dick : Oh, really? Because that would be a good thing! She's a nightmare!

Wally : Come on! I may never have another girlfriend! Just come on! Come up with some money, please! Please!

Dick : Okay, for you. Not for her, man, for you.

Wally: [calmly] Thank you.

Dick and Jade arrive at Horace Green for Parents Night]

Dick : Okay, I don't think I can go in there.

Jade : What's wrong?

Dick :Jade ... I'm not a teacher.

Jade : Oh, Wally, a substitute is a teacher.

Dick : No, no, I'm not a teacher. I'm a fraud.

Jade : [disagrees] No! You're not! You're a dedicated, talented teacher, and those parents are gonna love you! Now, just get in there, and tell those parents what you've been teaching their kids.

Jade : The thing is, Mr. west ...

Dick : Please... call me Dick.

Jade: [confused] Dick?

Dick : [realising his mistake] Wally . Wally.I was thinking of my other name. My middle name.

Jade : [about the teachers] They hate me.

Dick : No, they don't.

Jade : Yes, they do, I can see. I wasn't always like this, you know, I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time where I was fun. I was funny! I was. But you can't be funny and be the principle of a prep school! No, you cannot. Because when it comes to their kids, these parents have no sense of humor. No. And if something goes wrong its my head in the smasher. And these parents will come down on me like a nucular bomb! I can't make a mistake! I gotta be perfect! And that pressure has turned me into something that I never wanted to be!

Jade: [silently mouthing the words] A bitch!

Dick : No, you're not.

Jade: Yes, I am. I am a big one!

[mercuryislove]

I ALSO want to have funny question friday so I tried to think up some interesting questions.

If Anwei and Ciaran had the opportunity to be regular humans again, would they take it? Would the people around them want them to?

I’m sure that the Sovereign has a lot of enemies since he’s like thee baddest bitch, but is there anyone that he just absolutely cannot stand?

What would happen if Robin, Wren, and Dove got stranded in a remote area together? How would they handle that situation together?

as usual you ALWAYS come through with the excellent questions :3c

If Anwei and Ciaran had the opportunity to be regular humans again, would they take it? Would the people around them want them to?

ABSOLUTELY they would. They're both really sick of it. Being undying has its perks but it really loses its luster after 900+ years. Anwei appreciates it more than Ciaran does, partly because she was sort of religious way back when and still thinks of it all as some Big Deal and a Gift and like. a Blessing or whatever and has a serious sense of Duty about the whole thing. And Ciaran is more like “so I can jump off this cliff and be fine? I guess that's cool” and also “so does this mean I can't get stis anymore?” He definitely didn't ask for this life lol (technically I guess neither did Anwei but she adjusted it to it a little better and is also the only reason that [redacted for spoilers] anyway) Either way, they're both tired of outliving every single person they ever know because even with the fun parts of never dying, it DOES get miserable watching every person you ever care about wither away in what feels like the blink of an eye.

I think the only person that would have any apprehension about them mortalizing themselves would be like. Go-Eun but only because she would be too worried that they would instantly get something like the flu and DIE. Yixing would be like “please for the love of god be normal again because I already have so many years on you and I'm so so so so afraid of getting old alone PLEASE don't leave me behind”

----------

I’m sure that the Sovereign has a lot of enemies since he’s like thee baddest bitch, but is there anyone that he just absolutely cannot stand?

It's true that he's the baddest bitch around and a ton of people hate his stupid sexy guts, but honestly he doesn't pay enough attention to anyone else to give a damn about what they think. He knows he'll outlive them anyway. BUT he does hold special hatred for people that try to double-cross him, question his authority, and/or fuck with his family. (technically Andhira meets all three criteria oops lol) Generally speaking, he just offs people that piss him off, but there are a few that are too important or risky to kill outright, so he has too seethe in silence for a few centuries until they end up killing each other in petty squabbles and he gets to watch from his high horse like “oh look how these low born fools destroy each other over and over while nobody ever lays a finger on me and my own” (this WILL eventually come back to bite him on the ass lol). The biggest thorns in his side are the twelve children of Ekion who are part of the third oldest family in the world (though these guys weren't technically BORN into their family the way the Sovereign's children were). He's been waiting for the opportunity to fuck their shit right up for like 600 years at this point and is getting so tired of waiting :c

----------

What would happen if Robin, Wren, and Dove got stranded in a remote area together? How would they handle that situation together?

UM it would depend on just how remote the area is lol If they were like. lost in the woods, it would be no big deal because Robin is notorious for disappearing for three weeks at a time to go on solo backpacking trips in the middle of nowhere, and people always assume he's been eaten by bears and he shows up stinky and hairy on instagram in the middle of Wyoming like “hi everyone I just had the greatest camping trip of my life!!” So he's good at handling the fallout of getting extremely lost. Also his family lived in a VAN until he was eleven, so he's used to shit breaking down and getting stranded places (aka campsites in the middle of nowhere). Dove would immediately have a breakdown and if Wren had a cellphone signal, she would be taking pictures and texting them to her parents through the whole ordeal like “are you sure she's really related to us? She doesn't know the difference between east and west.” And then the two of them would end up fighting like cats and dogs. Meanwhile Robin has already fixed the car and/or foraged for clean water and fucking. berries or whatever and/or built a fire and shelter. This is just a regular Wednesday afternoon for him when you're the kind of person that goes WAY off trail to find so-called mythical crags (that don't actually exist but some old stoner dude at the campsite swore they did).

HOWEVER. If they were in a plane crash on a desert island situation, they would probably just go berserk and end up killing each other in looney tune style traps. Imagine that as you will lol

[see-arcane]

Antlers Holst was Jupe’s Equal Opposite (and Just as Selfish in the End)

I’ve had time to sit and digest this awhile. I think Antlers Holst was almost as much of an accidental villain/anti-villain as Jupe. He’s just standing on the opposite end of the ‘spectacle’ spectrum. Where Jupe skipped the lesson he should have picked up as a child and twisted his trauma and hunger for fame into the vehicle for exploiting Jean Jacket and ultimately setting off a nightmarish demise for him, his family, and audience, Antlers’ last minute sabotage of the ‘impossible shot’ takes a hard swerve in the other direction—and it’s exactly as selfish as Jupe’s motives.

Because all we know of Antlers is that he’s a jaded artist striving for his own meaningful work to counterbalance the commercial cinematography he grudgingly does for the money. For whatever reason, his history and personal view has made him view the public as ‘unworthy’ of the impossible, and himself as some auteur-martyr for depriving them of it and letting himself be an Ahab who lets his white whale kill him. Is it a depressing scene of self-destruction, added to the horror factor of this man clearly having no idea what kind of torture is waiting for him in JJ’s guts? Yes.

Is it also a microcosm of the whole issue surrounding who got the real credit and attention for the Muybridge clip? Also yes.

Because just like Muybridge, Antlers turned the capture of Jean Jacket’s image into a personal project—his masterpiece. But what did he actually do? He slapped together a reel camera and sat under a tarp.

Meanwhile, Em and Angel arranged the tube men across the gulch and set up surveillance while OJ did the teeny tiny little task of, you know, going out on horseback to lure, race, and (hopefully! Because they did not know if it would work!!) scare the giant carnivorous UFO out of trying to eat him and his horse alive.

The Haywood crew were doing 99% of the work—with OJ taking on 99.99% of the pants-shittingly terrifying risk—and all Antlers does is turn a crank and follow the action. And not just for the ‘money and fame’ Antlers the Artist disdains. Angel points it out at dinner; this is meant to help others. This is going to prove to the world that there’s a huge lethal threat to every living thing on the planet and if the information doesn’t get out? There’s no telling how many would get Roomba’d to death as a result.

Which Antlers Holst clearly, bull-headedly ignores. He still thinks he’s the grizzled and noble misanthropist who knows better~

But he isn’t. This isn’t a commercial, this isn’t art, this isn’t betraying a noble beast.

Right now? He’s supposed to be a journalist. The kind of person who works with a team under fire, making sure important events are documented and delivered to the world at large so it brings attention to something that needs to be learned about. That’s not spectacle! That’s tapping humanity on the shoulder to say, ‘Hey, thought you should know the sky can’t be trusted and there’s a cloud coming to eat you.’

Which isn’t enough to dislodge Holst from his decision to fuck over and endanger his team who had worked so hard, been through so much, and now have to deal with the fallout of his suicidal bout of artistic huffiness. He’s an amazing stand-in for the penchant of one person shouldering all the accolades for collaborative creative works, because they’re the ones who get to stick their name on the finished product.

Silver lining? Antlers also seemed to forget JJ’s little rule about never digesting inorganic material. There’s a good chance that his camera and the film might just be intact when they find Jean Jacket’s remains.

Guess whose names are going on the impossible shot now, buddy?

[parkers-gal]

masterlist

requests | closed to complete current requests <3

last updated | aug 5th, 2021

do not repost my work anywhere !! respect this please. | fics are not ordered in any particular way. these headers are mine so pls don’t use/take them

tom holland

insomnia - reader can’t get to sleep; tom finds out why

driving in the rain - fluffy dinner date and rainy drive back home

workouts and warmth - when all tom wants is some after-workout cuddles

from across the living room - announcing your engagement to your families

the one - you want to move out and get your own place as a couple, but tom doesn’t. nikki talks to him. 

anything for the twins - tom massages reader’s boobies during her period

moms, makeouts, and mishaps - nikki walks in during your makeout sesh

simple acts of intimacy - a fluffy 3.1k words worth of blurbs

silver surprises - the reader surprises tom at a premiere

twenty questions - questions ensue after tom & reader get stuck in an elevator

my gut - spinoff of twenty questions with claustrophobic!reader (tw/ anxiety + attacks)

stealth mode - tom & reader scaring each other

unicorns vs pegasuses - tom shuts the reader up by kissing them

a good story - tom meets reader at a meet & greet — friendships blossom to lovers

deal breaker - tom wants kids, but the reader does not

his lap - reader asks for help in overcoming an insecurity; tom misreads the situation

pool day - pool day w/ tom + the boys

hot - the reader picks a certain song that reminds her of tom - the boys go wild

grounded by rocks - tom talks about you in an interview for cherry

your hands - when all he wants is a simple head massage

late flights - in which tom takes too much time with the fans

nobody wanted to - where only one person makes it out alive

way more than 50 - the hollands trick the reader into thinking they did something they weren’t supposed to 

why [ pt ii ] - sweet cupcakes, and a not so sweet breakup

what looks suspicious - nikki doesn’t exactly approve of tom dating the reader

something sweet - reader drops off small gifts while tom’s on set

he remembers - when tom finds the letter

missed you - reuniting w/tom after four long months

soft gangsta - tom tries to dress edgy; the reader is unconvinced

the shoe game - reader & tom play the shoe game at their wedding

too much - when the reader has a rough time with work, tom comforts them

losing grip [ pt ii ] - a losing battle between the reader and a hereditary disease causes heartbreak

your captain america - protective!tom holland of young reader (age gap)

sexy genius - reader is a fan of (and meets) jake gyllenhaal

teddy bear cuddles - tom wears an oversized hoodie

nonsense - the boys think the reader is meddling with tom’s work

circles before yourself - rule #2 - osterfield!reader gets caught with tom

seventeen times - when the reader is having a hard time in lock down, tom tries to help (TW // depression)

pixie dust hair - tom assures insecure!reader that the pixie haircut looks good <3

a few more months - reader passes out during a run; tw // excessive exercising

tiktok au’s

body ody ody - tom gets a little jealous over a few social media comments 

sweats in the supermarket - getting tom hard when he wears sweats

put your records on - trying not to kiss each other first

mood killer - saying dirty things into tom’s ear

say it back - pranking tom by not saying ily back to him

two different ways - tom choking the reader to get two different reactions 

brutal - doing the “did you mean to post this?” trend on tom 

worst thirty minutes of my life - playing a drinking game with tom to see who gives into cuddles first

my girl’s cuddles - crawling into tom’s lap 

even - buying hot leggings & taping tom’s reaction 

goofball - a silly way to reveal reader’s pregnancy to tom 

end the debate - “i found out why my boobs are small” trend

slam the car door - doing the car door prank on tom 

water bottle wars - the boys ask you and tom questions about each other. wrong answers result in sprayed water 

get you back real good - you & the boys prank tom after watching a scary movie 

peachy - sighing / moaning in front of tom playing video games to get his reaction

my princess - tom does a tiktok where he guesses all your answers to everyday questions

dad!tom

needles and needs - when scarlet has to get shots, you realize she may not be the only one that needs comforting

all my girls - scarlet meets her baby sister for the first time (dad!tom)

everything i love about u - tom is afraid baby red might hate him for leaving home too much

a little extra help - stepdad!tom being the best dad to your daughter

through the tears - pregnant!reader goes into labour, and baby holland meets the family

first feed - tom watches you breastfeed for the first time

warmth from the love - baby holland’s first Christmas

first words - baby holland speaks for the first time

breaking the internet - when your pregnancy announcement crashes multiple apps/websites (pregnant!reader)

breaking the internet... again - when baby holland breaks the internet

boyfriends and brunch - when jade brings home her boyfriend (aged!up)

big sister + how are babies made - telling scarlet about the baby on the way (pregnant!reader)

too many kids - the reader’s dad has some commentary about the twins

mumma’s girl - tom gets jealous when scarlet isn’t a daddy’s girl

angels - a little skin to skin time with his best girl

family man - after a nasty breakup, tom finds out you had his child

cheesy uncles - telling paddy he’s going to be an uncle

ag!reader (more to come !!)

y’all really get nasty - tom and the fans discuss ag!reader’s songs

my favorite things - ag!reader performs in front of the mcu cast at the grammy’s

34 + 35 - the boys react to reader’s new song(s)

34 + 35 remix - the boys reacting to the remix

his remedy - the boys react to positions deluxe

neglected - AG!reader breaks up w tom because of their job; tom searches for answers

low-key wants him - reader talks about how much nonna (+ her fam) loves tom

see u soon - reader interacts with tom while on stage for the swt

a few spilled secrets - AG!reader performs on jimmy fallon’s show.. tom and her confess a few secrets

for the first time - when the reader breaks down crying while singing about her ex, tom is there to comfort her

dance with me, rain on me - reader has a hard time on set, tom to the rescue

every tomorrow - the first album release night after your breakup

here we go again - introducing tom (+ the boys) to your celebrity friends

condoms or safety nets - the boys react to AG!reader’s song “safety net”

we’re not engaged - AG!reader announcing to the world why they no longer have a fiance... (fluffy)

the late late show - AG!reader & tom do spill your guts or fill your guts

pain from pleasure - dad!tom goes through a birth simulator — controlled by the reader

never have i ever - tom & the reader play a game on the late late show

fluffy hair - ag!reader has a zoom interview with zach sang. tom makes an appearance

fighting off the haters - ag!reader and older!tom holland (age gap) attend an award show after going public

run your hands thru my hair - tom reacts to ag!reader’s song “my hair”

stick to acting - tom tries to make a beat for ag!reader

practically twins - reader meets sebastian & anthony at comic con

damn lucky - black!reader wears her hair naturally during an interview

what a piece - reader talks about tom related songs & tattoos

flip it - tom talks about reader in an interview

at the door - older!reader & tom fight off haters

a headcannon of ag!reader being a marvel cast member

a headcannon of tom & the reader attending the avengers endgame premiere

styles!reader (more to come !!)

bathroom kisses - makeout sessions with tom and styles!reader in the bathroom

yeah, he is - tom holland x styles!reader meet the styles family; protective older brother harry makes an appearance

unparalleled love - older brother harry styles makes a speech at reader’s wedding

grilled - date night for tom & styles!reader is a bit difficult with two kids; older brother!harry to the rescue

baby showers and brothers - dad!tom & styles!reader are going to be parents

potential boyfriend - tom has a crush on the reader when they first meet

ts!reader (more to come!!)

trust me - tom & the reader defend her after nikki doesn’t approve

your london boy - tom & co. + the world reacts to “london boy”

boy of my dreams - tom being proud of the reader for winning a grammy

rapper!tom

tom records your sounds during sex for his music (hc)

tom talks about you in an interview

concepts: one , two , three

professor!tom

my pretty girl - tom gets jealous when reader gets many valentines

other reader tropes

cherry - reader is a screenwriter for tom’s upcoming movie

no shouting - singer!reader needs some help after paparazzis are too much (based on a video of tom)

pregnancy belly - actress!reader has to wear a pregnancy belly for her role, and the boys tease tom about when it’ll be real

we march - actress!reader being a huge feminist

passions & pediatricians - pediatrician-to-be!reader meets tom

politics - reader’s granpa is joe biden (requested) and tom meets him

extra support - psychiatrist!reader helps tom on the set of cherry

you made it big - tom holland x actress!reader at the after party

partition - the boys react to famous!reader singing partition

senorita - singer!reader makes a music video with shawn, who’s tom’s new best friend

miniseries 

boomerang: one , two , three , four [completed]

peter parker

making amends

➢ enemies to lovers ; college!peter x super soldier!reader ; 30k words ; sorta slow burn

cheeky guy, favorite thighs - college!peter doing a tik tok challenge — between the reader’s thighs [tik tok au]

a little nicer - doing the prank on peter (”you could’ve been a little nicer to me today”)

start searching - first make out sessions with our best boy :)

hidden hickeys - the avengers think innocence of peter, until they’re proven wrong

the team - part two of hidden hickeys; reader meets the avengers

all of you - late night talks about your future with peter :’)

like you wouldn’t believe - reader tells mj about her & peter’s awesome sex

slip from my hands - roommate!peter comforts the reader after a nightmare

i’d wait for her - college!peter parker needs to come to terms with you and your boyfriend

shut up and kiss me - soft make out sessions with peter :)

all the good things in the world, and i get you - insecure!reader needs a little reassuring 

modern chivalry - peter being a gentleman on the subway

eggnog and mistletoe - peter helps you love the holidays

the force awakens? it sleeps - a little extra comfort & care from our favorite baby boyfriend 

a prince - wonder woman!reader meets spider-man (& avengers) in a mission

steve rogers fics - peter finds you reading fanfiction abt steve rogers

fanboy!peter

fanboys and bracelets - fanboy!peter parker goes to famous!singer!reader’s meet and greet

fanboys and phone numbers - fanboy!peter parker continuation 

showing around - fanboy!peter gets VIP access; some dancing ensues

stark!reader + avengers!reader

if you knew feelings - the avengers want you & peter to break up

sleeping - peter misinterprets a few important questions

the may to your ben - college!best friend!peter parker x stark!reader fluff

race ya - peter confesses his feelings for rogers!reader after a mission — on comms

frat bathrooms - stark!reader joins the avengers where she sees college!peter, the boy she slept with at a frat party

rainy days - reader doesn’t like rainy days, a certain wall-climber changes their mind

already got her - jealous!peter makes a public confession

flustered!peter

a nervous one - flustered!peter parker sees cheerleader!reader in her uniform

one day soon - flustered!peter parker x affectionate!reader

all better - flustered!peter parker does some lab flirting with reader

dad!peter + pregnant!reader

unplanned  [ part ii ] - reader gets pregnant... breaks up with peter to avoid it all

burrito wraps - reader worries that baby parker might be cold

a name to remember - latine!reader & peter give their girl a special name

you’re magic - a certain wall crawler hears two heartbeats

sgt. bucky barnes

first cuddles - bucky asks to cuddle for the first time

harry holland

golden light, the love of my life - the boys tease harry —on a live video— for being whipped

it won’t f^cking open - harry lends a helping hand

how much i - those three magical words are exchanged for the first time

cuddly koala moments - time the reader just needed harry’s warmth

anything for hands - the reader cuts harry’s hair on instagram live

your other best friend - the reader is sam’s new friend, but harry thinks they like tom instead

you’re my anchor - harry has an anxiety attack, but the reader knows what to do

what’s his [ pt ii ] - when everything thinks the reader should date tom instead, harry snaps

whipped fries - harry brags about the reader winning the pub quiz for them

tell me, show me - the reader makes harry flustered by playing w/the strings from his sweatpants

keep your cool - tom setting u up with his brother // nikki being wary

ag!reader

you’re such a dream to me — ag!reader writes r.e.m. about harry

harry styles

intoxicating - soft bubbles baths with long haired!harry 

frayed braids - reader braids long haired!harry’s hair

others:

harrison osterfield

not anymore - when harrison comes back from filming, he’s determed to win the reader’s heart

irreversible - when relationships fall apart, people fall apart. (infidelity)

circles before yourselves - rule #1  - harrison x osterfield!reader (sister) when brothers talk, bad things begin

think of her - harrison asks your family for their blessing [holland!sister]

steve harrington

together not never - steve discovers the reader is pregnant

[windblooms]

liyue boys – how they kiss their s/o

liyue boys × gender-neutral!reader; 1.4k words. sfw headcanons of how baizhu, childe, chongyun, xiao, xingqiu, and zhongli kiss their s/o. 

- ̗̀ baizhu  ̖́-

while baizhu’s reputation as the swindler from bubu pharmacy precedes him, even in normal day-to-day matters, he makes an effort to convey his sincerity to you when the moment is opportune.  typically, this is at the conclusion of the day, when the pharmacy takes its time to rest and the buzz of the moon overtakes liyue.

his touch on your wrist is loose, as if he intends to just feel your presence instead of seize it, to observe but not meddle; just as he does with changsheng, he finds great comfort in keeping you tethered to him through this contact.  

when baizhu romances you, it’s in the privacy of your office, or the stocking room – anywhere besides the service area, so you’re the only one who witnesses his dropped mask. 

his lips glide to your temple, serpentine and brisk, peppering short kisses down to your jaw.  his ministrations are rather sensual for a man so weak in composition, especially considering that he’s rather ruthless with his business dealings and doesn’t even spare a fraction of a discount for the desperate – but this gentler display is nonetheless welcome.

“and how can i help you tonight?  no, this isn’t bartering.  i mean this genuinely, for the one who can tolerate my short-comings as forgivingly as you do.  a new box of qingxin arrived this afternoon, and perhaps you’d like a look at it . . . ”

- ̗̀ childe / tartaglia  ̖́-

childe is excellent at the chase, and each time, his catch is you.  perhaps it’s his constant need for stimulus (he’s never been one for idleness) and the subsequent calling in his blood for a thrill.  his penchant for battle has made him flexible to most tricky scenarios, and thus he’s adept to what makes things tick – 

– including people.  and, of course, you. 

his greetings are customarily followed by doting kisses.  they’re gentle on your skin, like the drifting of snowflakes from the sky, yet there’s a bite to them as well, as if he’s nipping at you even without his teeth.  they’re innocently teasing at best, but at worst, grabbing all of your senses with their bold allure. 

“haha, got your attention now, have i?  no need to make that face!  ah, i promise.  be a bit more patient for me, and i’ll give you what you want.”

he prefers to give the kisses that he knows will consume you whole, cushion you in warmth like beach sand in the summer, but just as swiftly drag you undertow – namely, at the corners of your mouth, the height of your cheekbones, the pulses on your neck, and the rise of your collarbones. 

whether he leaves you with flushed cheeks and a stuttering voice, or absolutely breathless, you stir him all the same.

- ̗̀ chongyun  ̖́-

he’s a very straightforward individual, naively so sometimes – inherently wholesome, and that translates over to his relationship with you.  admittedly, he doesn’t display bold affections towards you all that much because he’s, well, shy.  he’d never thought of romantics before he became involved with you, and even then, all he’s heard about couples and love birds are from xingqiu – not the most trustworthy source.

“ah – i do not . . . i don’t have the words to describe . . . i apologize, but i really don’t know how to explain this light feeling in my chest.  but you seem to be happy!  and that’s really what matters to me.”

chongyun pecks you gently, as if he’s dealing with the finest of jade fragments.  very innocently, as well: just as a bird finds satisfaction in a well-kept nest, so does the young exorcist in the pleased reactions he draws from you.  

the two of you have yet to share a kiss on the lips.  and, honestly, it isn’t something characteristic of chongyun to want to engage with.  he has an ample reserve of boyish youth in him, and even at the thought of partaking in such an intimate act (xingqiu teases him to no end for this, but nonetheless chongyun’s perspective is understood) makes him red in the face. 

instead, he settles for your fingers, the back of your hand, and your cheeks.  light in sentiment, like the mild ice-cream he indulges in.

- ̗̀ xiao  ̖́-

if you’re fire, then xiao is afraid that he’s the water that will extinguish your light.  he’s harmed so many others, even when he never intended to, and doesn’t even want to think about you ending up the same way.  so he abstains, for the longest time, until you reassure him that he’s okay, that he’s suffered enough, and that he needs to live, too. 

xiao kisses you like both of you will break.  his lips barely even touch you, as if his presence is only part of your imagination, a fleeting zephyr in the liyue evening; he even hesitates to use his hands at first because only archons know how he’s razed the land with them.  they hover over your hips, and in moments of indulgence, he imagines how it would feel to hold you, unchained from his past.

“you make it easier for me to tolerate the days.  don’t look so concerned – there’s no need for you to worry about me.  you’re the one in the more precarious situation.  but i guess that’s one more thing that’s admirable about you . . . too trusting for your own good.”

in his mind, he cradles your hands, so much softer than his own, with no reason to raise a weapon.  he wishes to keep you that way, safeguarded from the cruelness of the world, and his lips cherish your knuckles, the backs of your hands, and all the way to your wrists.

- ̗̀ xingqiu  ̖́-

“what a thrilling smile on your face!  definitely one for the books.  yes – i’ve decided that you’ll be the inspiration for this next scene i write.  ah, actually, i need to outline it first . . . you won’t mind, right?  perfect, this is just the circumstance i’ve been looking for.”

like fresh flowers in a spring meadow, he’s as exuberant as he is vibrant with life.  he’ll come to you in the mornings, bid you a good day and plant a light peck on the corner of your mouth, delighted at the sight of you.  or, just when he’s stopping by your place, he’ll also make sure to commemorate your meeting with another smooch.  

xingqiu is, admittedly, easy to please when in a relationship, merely because he’s with who he wants the most: you, and his writing, all that he needs.  while he may joke about intertwining you into his writing, he truly does intend to cherish you. 

he enjoys toying with the sleeves of your top when he’s near, just because he can.  bonus points if you let him tug you along, and he’ll even make a show out of giving a playful kiss on the tip of your nose.  they make you feel all fluttery in your stomach, because it’s only something that he would even think about doing – keeping you light on your toes, just like his flexible poise.

- ̗̀ zhongli  ̖́-

his affections are just as proper as his composure.  zhongli’s actions are soft, reverent, and appreciative of your presence.  never once do you doubt his devotion to you when his hand grazes your arm, a finger catching around your wrist, or when he steadies you with his palm on your shoulder.  it might be subconscious on his behalf, but his gentle measures soothe you immensely.

unsurprisingly, his kisses are chaste, with only fondness and warmth behind them.  he adores you like the sun does an open field, bracing your body to his with the slightest of suggestions from his hands on your waist.  zhongli is exceedingly pleased when you reciprocate his physicality, especially when you wrap your arms around his neck in return – the gleam in his eyes betray just as much.

his lips find themselves tenderly on your own, and your forehead and cheeks.  when in more intimate environments, namely either of your rooms, he’ll worship the pulse on your neck, however not in an erotic fashion.  he only ventures there to treasure the flow of life in your body, to revere the rhythm of you.

“times have come and gone.  consider me obstinate in my beliefs, but the one of the things that have remained apparent to me over millennia are contracts.  contracts of business, of relationships, of morals – everything.  promises, if you prefer to call them.  so i promise you this: there is not a day that will go by when i will not devote myself to you, wholly, and completely.”

[stiltonbasket]

how does lqr deal with the jgy problem?

(author’s note: please reblog, since that’s how we get prompts for future ficlets!)

When one of Wang Sisi’s clients decided to take her on as a concubine, she was not quite as overjoyed as another woman might have been in her position.

Sisi is thirty-two years old, and she entered the Yunping brothel when she was barely twenty. In the twelve years since, she has heard all kinds of broken promises and witnessed innumerable cruelties, and she knows enough about the life of a minor wife to know that she doesn’t have it too badly in comparison. Sisi has never caught the wasting illnesses that make their rounds in brothels often, or had to entertain a violent client, and she has never had a child; but after entering Merchant Yao’s household, any one of those things might end up happening to her.

Yao-daren would keep frequenting brothels, and unlike when she was a prostitute, she wouldn’t be able to refuse him. She would have no way to defend herself if he beat her, and if he ever discovered the tinctures she drinks to prevent pregnancy, he would have every right to take them from her.

Those miserable truths accompanied her all the way down the alley she was dragged into five minutes ago, and echoed in her head like drumbeats as the thugs blocking her escape—hired by Yao-daren’s wife, no doubt—announced their intention to beat her to a pulp.

Merchant Yao will have nothing to do with me after this, she thinks, as the men raise their wooden clubs over her head.

And then, briefly: Good.

Sisi closes her eyes, having clawed and fought and struggled against them to the very last of her strength. But then someone’s hand is on her arm, yanking her up out of the mud as four still figures drop neatly to the ground by her feet, unconscious. One is bleeding from a deep wound to the shoulder, and Sisi snatches her toes back before the blood can stain her silk slippers.

She stares.

What in the world…?

“Gongzi?” she asks, as the—boy? man? who saved her wipes his sword and resheathes it. “What are you—”

“Fiends,” the white-clad cultivator sneers. “No matter, I’ll deal with them later. Lady, where were you going? I will escort you there, if that would not inconvenience you.”

“I was going to the cosmetics shop two streets away,” Sisi answers. Madam Yun's emporium is in full view of Yunping’s main square, which means that she will be relatively safe even if this bloodthirsty cultivator tries anything on the way. “After I finish my business there, I will be returning home.”

The cultivator frowns, staring deep into her eyes as if he recognized her from somewhere. But Sisi has known hundreds of handsome men in her day, and this one is far too gorgeous to forget, even if she had only seen him in passing.

“Where is home, guniang?”

“Guniang? Can’t you see how old I am?” Sisi says tartly. “I live at the Chrysanthemum House in the middle of town, xiao-gongzi. Now, either see me to the rouge shop or go away.”

“Chrysanthemum House, eh?” the cultivator grumbles. “It’s just as I thought. Your lover’s wife sent those thugs to scar your face, didn’t she?”

“I guess so. It happens often, when a man decides he wants another woman in his house.”

“Mm. By any chance, would you happen to know a lady called Meng Shi?”

“A-Shi?” Sisi looks over the man's rich robes and the mutton-fat yaopei hanging from his waist; she can gauge the quality of most jade pieces at a glance, and this yaopei is made of the finest jade Sisi has ever seen. The cultivator is even wearing white jade in his hair, set into a bright silver comb that glints under the afternoon sun like a mirror, and her spirits sink even further as she realizes who this man must be.

A-Shi always said her A-Yao's father was a wealthy cultivator, and it seems that she hadn't been taken for a fool after all.

"You've come to buy A-Shi's freedom, then?" she demands, trying not to sound too grim about it. "Meng Shi? You're sure?"

"En, Meng Shi. If her son is bound here as a servant, I will buy his freedom as well. Will you show me the way, Lady?"

Sisi does, with her heart in her mouth, praying to every god she knows to keep Meng Shi safe.

____

“I want to buy this woman's freedom," Lan Qiren declared, the moment Sisi led him to the Chrysanthemum House. "Where are the contracts for Meng Shi and Madam Sisi? If anyone else has offered to buy them out, I will match the price tenfold."

"Qiren!" his brother shrieked, bursting through the open door on Yinshui. "Didi, what are you—"

He stared at the gold pieces in Lan Qiren's palm, and grabbed the nearest cabinet for support.

"A-Ren?" Lan Haijing wheezed. "Did—did you just—"

"En. Once matters are settled here, I will bring them back to the Cloud Recesses."

"What?" Sisi screamed. "I don't even know this young master!"

"No," Meng Shi wailed. "He's not A-Yao's father, and if I leave now—"

Lan Qiren handed the money over.

The madam stamped the two women's contracts and passed them to Sisi.

Qingheng-jun fainted.

[inhonoredglory]

another character based question - how do you feel about mikasa? a lot of fans dont like her, im curious about how you feel! - armin anon

Hellooooo Armin Anon. OMG it’s been forever since I had the time to sit down and do a proper meta, and I apologize.

First off, I finished the manga!!! (So, spoilers ahead for anyone else reading this.) I had to lie down after reading 139. It’s a tremendous story and I’m still taking it all in. The set pieces and personal/emotional stakes of everything that happens is just astounding. If it’s one thing Isayama does good, it’s the gut-wrenching personal anguish that underlies the action. I’m absolutely floored. My favorite bit was probably the timey-wimey stuff in Paths and Eren. That blew my freaking mind. But onto Mikasa!!

A Cruel Yet Beautiful World

I remember way back when I started the anime that I started liking Mikasa first out of the group. I liked how sullenly silent and no-nonsense she was, and I liked her loyalty to Eren. Her emotion, especially when Eren died in Trost, was palpable and terrifyingly beautiful. Her grief was incredibly realistic––rushing off with a death wish that even she couldn’t succumb to in the end, because of the drive to fight that she got from Eren. In a world like SNK, her relentlessness breaking through her grief was incredibly moving. And her philosophy is basically the driving theme of SNK: “This is a cruel world, and yet so beautiful.”

This is the same moral message she gives Eren when he can’t find the strength in him to fight Annie––and gives him that warm, understanding, inscrutable smile that allows him to finally accept his own monsters, fight Annie, and save her and Armin. (One of my favorite panels of her from the manga, actually.) Mikasa is basically the first character we meet who embodies this contradictory morality, which grows to engulf SNK and other characters as well (Levi, Reiner, and Armin especially come to mind). Which could be why I was drawn to her at the start, since the complex moral outlook of SNK was the primary reason I fell hard for this story.

(And gosh, it’s tragic to realize that it’s teaching moments like the scene above that made Eren into the person who could influence his own child self to murder, the person who could wipe out so much of humanity, the person who could take Ymir’s challenge to free her by destroying the love of the person who cared the most about him. I’m still processing yo.)

Acker-parallels

I started really analyzing Mikasa when I had to defend her from a friend of mine who accused her of resenting Levi (for beating up Eren) and that’s why she attacked him so violently in the RTS serumbowl. Because of my research into rebutting that, a lot of my affection for Mikasa now comes in seeing the little ways in which she cares and trusts other people, including Armin, Levi, Gabi, and Jean. And her quiet sensibility that goes beyond her love and protectiveness of Eren.

With Levi in particular, I find a lot I like about her. Because you can definitely see her annoyance at him, but she also trusts him more than anyone else in the Corps outside of Armin. After Levi’s violent encounter with Historia, she was the only one who implicitly trusted Levi’s judgement, backing up Armin’s more reasoned logic. She sees beyond her own emotions and even moral feelings and realizes the world is cruel enough that sometimes people have to do dark things to help others and survive.

This is very much the same statement Levi made to the 104th when he had asked them to follow Erwin’s orders when the commander’s plans were questionable on the surface: “Do you trust him? Those dumb enough to say yes… come with me.” These two understand each other on a moral level, and they ask for their comrades’ loyalty without demanding it, because they each know that everyone’s conscience is their own.

There’s a clear parallel between Mikasa and Levi, not only because of their Ackerman heritage and sensibilities (loyal to a fault to their chosen person, impossibly strong, quiet and grim), but their frustration when they cannot protect the people they are responsible for. They both know they are the strongest around, and if they cannot fulfill on that power, a lot of people will die.

There are many moments in which Mikasa puts aside her personal feelings to do her soldierly duty, from leaving Eren to help with the evacuation of Trost to leaving Eren and Armin to fight the Colossal Titan alone in Shigonshina.

And then there’s the fact that Levi’s the one who could break past Mikasa’s headspace and distraction so that she can do the right thing. He understands her strong emotion, he respects it, but he also knows when that has to be put aside for the greater good. But he doesn’t put her down for having those emotions, either.

Strength from Eren, Humanity from Armin

Mikasa’s love and loyalty to Eren challenges her tremendously after the timeskip and her sorrow at Eren’s change is what really stands out to me about her character in the Marley arc. The absolute grief in her eyes when she tells Eren what he’s done is devastating, and it shows just how much goodness and compassion she does have.

And yet she longs to understand Eren, to trust him, to believe there can be something redeeming, and not merely jaded and tired, in what he taught her so many years ago––to fight, to win, to live.

There’s such a difference between these same words said here by Mikasa, so many years later, after so much heartbreak, to the anger and flame that were in them when she first heard them, back when she realized that this was the way of the world. That death and killing happens in the natural world everyday and that’s how you survive. That the world is both cruel and beautiful.

And yet as the years wore on, as Mikasa grew closer to others, found purpose in protecting others, sought a life with Eren… as she wandered further into the forest of life and society and relationships, she lost some of that simple injunction... to live is to fight, to fight is to win. She, like so many of the 104th and the others on this journey, found that it’s not enough to just fight and live and be satisfied. We really want it all to mean something, to have our actions be redemptive. To allow ourselves to believe that we do what we’re doing because we’re not just saving ourselves, but saving others, “saving the world” like Yelena points out (in the forest therapy session pfff). And it’s that drive for something bigger in our actions that grieves her so much with Eren, because as she wants her own actions to be fundamentally good and selfless, she wants his actions to be moral as well.

So while Eren is the person that frustrates Mikasa and motivates her to become stronger and braver than she ever was, Armin is the person who humanizes Mikasa and allows her the space to be gentle and vulnerable. She comforts Armin, confides in him, puts her faith in him, and puts her life in his hands.

She trusts Armin with Eren, and she values Armin’s intellect and compassion, qualities she doesn’t have in nearly as much quantities as he does: “There are only so many lives I can value. And… I decided who those people were six years ago. So... you shouldn’t try to ask for my pity. Because right now, I don’t have time to spare or room in my heart.”

This bit from her confrontation with Ymir and Historia was a defining moment for me with Mikasa. It’s honest and realistic in a way that few of us care to admit about ourselves, and it’s just super chilling and badass coming from her, too. It also shows how much she fights for Armin and Eren both. They are the two people she loves the most in the world, and she never gave up on saving either of them––from death or from themselves.

I’m looking back on Trost now and finding so much irony with the ending to SNK. In Trost, she was the one to give up on Eren, telling Armin that it was hopeless to try to extract Eren’s personality from his Titan form. And yet, like in the end, it’s always been between Armin and Mikasa to try to salvage Eren’s humanity. In Trost, Armin tells Mikasa to leave––to go do what she’s good at (saving lives)––and to entrust Eren to him.

It’s a huge expression of both Mikasa’s trust in Armin, and her belief in Armin’s abilities and friendship for Eren. And in the end, it’s the two of them again debating on if there’s any humanity left in Eren. The bond they share is intimate and deep. With all the military doubting Eren and scheming to take away his Titan (with even Jean and Connie unavailable to them emotionally), it’s only Armin and Mikasa against the world––the only two people who can truly consider Eren’s actions and hold off on judging him. And you can feel their love for him even as they doubt him.

And like back then, it has always been Armin who understands Eren most, the one who recognizes his own evil and Eren’s and finds a redemption in having others stop you, because you cannot stop yourself.

And that’s the thing I really take away from SNK and from Mikasa’s journey, that we all have devils inside us, and yet there is still beauty to be found, within us and in the world––from the natural wonders that Armin dreams of, to the comfort of purpose and companionship that Mikasa has in Eren. Love and wonder is what redeems us of our devils. And yet love itself is complicated, and can turn ugly in its obsession. That giving up that love is what makes the love selfless and beautiful, what absolves us of the selfishness within us. That’s what Mikasa learned. And in the end, she was able to release that love for the good of the world.

So I guess to sum up, I really love Mikasa. I can see why her dogged loyalty to Eren might annoy some fans, but I think there’s a lot more to her than simply that, and in fact, her journey and growth is heart-rending and one of the most symbolic arcs of SNK and fundamental to its entire theme. She’s a badass with a lot of emotion and depth behind her cold mask.

[luimagines]

Time’s Age Headcanon

Masterlist

I know this isn’t the usual Chain x reader post but hear me out.

I’ve avoided this for a while because I’ve tried to stay away from aging headcanons. No particular reason why but I might go and write that anyway since I’ve forgotten why I avoided it.

But Time... I’ve been crunching numbers Old Man, and I might be close.

I don’t think this will get particularly long but I know this isn’t most people’s cup of tea, so I’m adding a cut.

***

Now Time was more or less nine or ten years old during Ocarina of Time. Even with the seven year skip he’s still ten-ish by the end of it. So this is our base line.

Majora’s Mask is where things get finicky. This is where the whole time travel, time loop thing comes into play and messes everything up for our hero.

So basically, for those who don’t know, the game takes place over the course of three days. You have three days to save the world but mostly, this town called Termina from a falling moon.

By the end of the three days you go back to the beginning and keep repeating this process until you save the day. Yay.

Three days.

Time kept living through three days continuously.

It’s maddening but it doesn’t really add up that quickly in terms of years.

Ten trials is a month one hundred trials is a little less than a year.

For one year to pass, Time (or in this case the player, it doesn’t really matter) would have to have gone through one hundred and twenty one full trials with two days left over. So really, 122 runs.

That’s a lot of times to revert time to fix the moon from falling.

I doubt even the worst players for Majora’s Mask would have taken that many times.

So no, he’s not 60 years old.

Someone other than Malon go tell the Chain that. And tell them that he’s also not any older.

Our number is now below 60.

But let’s say that it takes Time years to go through all of Majora’s Mask anyway. Or maybe some more finicky time travel things happened in his adventure with Warrior. What then?

We know that in his adventure with Warrior he still appears to be ten or so years old. Realistically it’s to keep the model and facial recognition similar but I digress. (I also don’t know if this is canon to Jojo’s story but it is here). But who knows what Time’s been doing in between that time and even after. Maybe he was still reversing time? How many times did he have to do that on the battle field with no one else being any wiser?

How many times did he have to do it to learn the full extent of the spell the ocarina casts? How far back can it go? What if three days really is the limit? What was the moment Time learned that it didn’t send him far back enough? (That’s a fic for another time)

What if, since in his fist adventure he was a child in an older body, he had the ages flipped on him?

Most people agree that since Majora’s Mask, he’s older than he appears.

But (and this is where the math (however little it was) stops and the head canon begins) what if he was the same age gap by the end of his third adventure?

So in his first adventure, teen is actually ten. By the end of his third adventure, baby face is seventeen. (Or maybe he kept messing with time even after that? Who knows? With a three day limit, that’s a lot of times it’s been used)

So it would mean that Time would have more or less used the ocarina 852 times to have it add up to those seven years, given the three day window. I feel like I’m being very generous with this. It could very well be less than that and therefore less than seven years. 

Seven years is the difference though, I’m keeping it solely because feels cruelly thematic.

Time in the comic is physically in his thirties. And I’m willing to put him at 35 max just because it feels nice but 33 is also a good number. So somewhere there.

From physically 33 - 35, with a seven year difference, it puts Time at a age range between 40 - 42.

Still very middle aged and it would makes sense why Malon laughed so hard at the Chain’s guess at his age. 

It would also put a thirty year old man in his forties and I think that’s why Malon knew he wouldn’t want her share that.

Time is more or less 41 when given a lot of wiggle room.

So he’s really not that old.

He’s just jaded.

[hood-ex]

This is a fic written for @stxleslyds! The prompt was: a fic with Dick, Roy and Lian spending time together in the Outsiders era. Thanks for the donation, Tati 💙.

Important: This fic takes place a week after the events of Outsiders (2003) #19.

“We could use you here,” Roy says. Even with his voice coming directly through the comm, Dick almost doesn’t hear him say, “I need you here.”

A soft wind blows through Blüdhaven, ruffling through Dick’s sweat-matted hair. What a filthy night it is for a Friday. Thunder rumbling in the distance with hot, humid air filling Dick’s lungs. It’s the kind of air that isn’t natural for a place like the ‘Haven. It’s here for whatever reason, and it’s no better now that the sun has been replaced by pink and purple neon lights flashing across the strip. It’s nights like these that Dick can admit to missing his red tunic and green shorts. It was shit to wear them in the winter but an absolute godsend in the summer.

Dick sighs deeply, moving away from the ledge of the building and away from his view of the herds of drunk people whose laughter echoes between the bars and casinos. There’s a tall HVAC unit in the middle of the building that he walks over to and sits against. The fabric of his suit rubs against it, and he squirms a little at the uncomfortable position. He bears it because this is a conversation that requires a little support.

“Dick.”

“I know,” Dick mutters.

He should be under the streets of Brooklyn the same as all the other Outsiders should be. Considering the circumstances, it’s no surprise that some of them have deserted the ship for the time being. Licking their wounds in private so to speak. Dick’s not proud of it. He tacks it onto his mental bulletin board of shame where it sits up there all torn and ugly like the rest of his deplorable moments.

“I’d feel better if you were here to watch Lian when I step out of the room,” Roy says in Japanese. Dick’s brow furrows. Either Lian is in the same room as Roy and he doesn’t want her to know they’re talking about her or there’s an Outsider nearby that he doesn’t want listening in on his personal issues. “She hasn’t started therapy yet and her separation anxiety is still high.”

“High for both of you,” Dick points out. He thinks back to a few days ago when Roy had called him in a panic because he’d left all of his groceries in the middle of the store after his paranoia got the best of him and had him running back to the base to check on Lian.

“Tell me about it,” Roy laughs dryly. “I feel like I’m going fuckin’ nuts, dude.” The strain in his voice sends a full body shiver down Dick’s spine. “All I can think about is whether she’s okay and if the base is protected enough, and if I can really trust everyone here. You and Kory are the only ones I feel okay leaving her with.”

You shouldn’t trust me like that, Dick thinks bitterly. Lilith and Donna trusted me with their lives and look where they are now.

“Everyone else is… I trust them as teammates. I trust them with my life. But I can’t—"

“Trust them with Lian’s,” Dick says, knowing how much this whole situation has fucked with Roy's ability to trust anyone and everyone. Except him and Kory, apparently. Probably Ollie and the rest of Roy's family too.

He thunks his head against the HVAC unit and stares up at the dark sky. Not a single star up there, he thinks, and something like guilt burns in his chest. You took them all with you, didn’t you, Donna? Put them in your pockets and faded away. “She might not be comfortable with me there,” he says after a moment.

It pains him to think that Lian could be scared of him. Scared of him because he looks similar to one of the blue-eyed, dark-haired kidnappers who murdered her babysitter and then branded her like cattle. That type of trauma association doesn’t go away after a week.

“Kory told Lian you might stop by, and you know what Lian asked her?”

Terrible things flash through Dick’s head. Things like words born of fear or disgust. He hugs his arms around his knees and squeezes them tight.

“No, what did she say?”

“She asked, ‘Is Uncle Nightwing gonna bring Blue’s Clues with him?’”

A smile tugs at the corner of Dick’s lips and his eyes start to sting. He can’t believe that’s the first thing she thought of. It only seems like yesterday that he was watching Blue’s Clues with her in Titans Tower. Sometimes he would pause the show and ask Lian questions about each of the clues just to hear what kind of outlandish answers her kid brain could come up with. Other times the detective in him couldn’t help but steer her towards a logical answer. Roy used to always roll his eyes and tell him to stop trying to turn her into a mini Nightwing.

“That doesn’t mean she’ll be okay seeing me in person and you know it,” Dick reminds him.

Roy’s sigh is soft and muffled in his ear. “We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”

Dick’s not one to wait around.

“Let’s cross it now.”

“You’re coming over?” Roy asks, and even though he mostly sounds neutral, Dick can hear the disbelief hidden under it all.

If there was an award for the world's most shitty friend, Dick would probably be in the lead to receive it. Here Roy is dealing with the fact that his daughter was abducted and almost trafficked, and what’s Dick been doing for the last few days instead of sticking by his side? Working himself to the bone in Blüdhaven, that’s what. Hiding away from the fact that he almost lost another important person to him. Trying to avoid the crushing weight of failure that clings to him like a second skin.

Pathetic. Some safety net he is.

“Yeah, give me an hour,” Dick says.

The commute from Blüdhaven to Brooklyn isn’t bad at this time of night. Most of the traffic is packed downtown where all the bars are lined up. Dick takes the highway to avoid the worst of it.

The roar of the city dies off once he goes underground. Down here the HQ looms over him in all its steel glory. Dick’s always thought of it like one giant elevator. It’s all hard angles and sleek, silver walls. Hardly a place one would describe as homey, but it was home to a few people nevertheless.

Dick goes inside after getting his eye and hand scanned by the computer. He heads down the hallway, keeping his footsteps light and quiet out of habit. So far there’s no sign of Jade, Indigo, or Rex in any of the rooms he passes. They’re the most likely to be here around this time. From what Kory told him the other day, Grace has been spending most of her time clubbing, and Anissa has been staying with her dad. He hates to admit it but it’s almost a relief that he doesn’t have to worry about running into either of them.

He ends up finding Roy and Lian in the rec room. Lian is sitting on the leather couch in the middle of the room. She must have had a shower not too long ago because her hair is a little damp and she’s wearing a pair of purple pajamas with unicorns on them. A Cinderella blanket is strewn across her lap and a stuffed rabbit sits discarded on the floor by her feet.

Roy looks small squatting in front of her. His pants are the only sign of his Arsenal gear, and it makes Dick feel slightly out of place since he’s still decked out in full mask and suit. It’s the first time Dick’s seen Roy in person since they brought down Tanner’s operations a week ago. He looks how Dick would expect any parent to look after being targeted by a major sex trafficker: stressed and exhausted.

Those tired eyes of his shift to the doorway where Dick stands, and Dick can see the way Roy looks him over from head to toe, assessing Dick’s condition. He can look as hard as he wants, but he won’t find anything. Dick keeps his face blank and unreadable.

“It still hurts,” Lian whimpers, and both Dick and Roy's attention immediately snaps back to her.

She wraps her arms around her stomach and bends over her lap like she’s going to throw up all over the floor. Roy doesn’t move to try and avoid any possible bouts of vomit. Nothing happens as the seconds tick by. No retching or anything. There’s only the sound of Roy’s hand rubbing up and down Lian’s arm.

“Me and your Uncle Nightwing are gonna get you feeling better soon,” Roy assures her in a gentle voice. “And guess what?”

Lian makes a questioning sound in the back of her throat.

The look Roy shoots Dick is somewhere between caution and amusement. “He’s been playing quiet mouse behind you this whole time.”

Dick braces himself as Lian shoots back up like a rocket. “He’s behind me?” she asks, twisting around in her seat. Dick’s heart starts jackrabbiting because what if she’s scared of him? What if he accidentally triggers her PTSD? What if— “Uncle Nightwing!” Lian shrieks.

Relief shudders through him because she sounds happy to see him. Not scared or angry or disgusted like he feared. She’s looking at him like he just told her he brought her a bag of candy, and that revelation is enough to make him take a breath and finally enter the room.

“Hey, kiddo,” Dick says, hurrying over to the couch so that she doesn’t have to get up. “I missed you.”

Lian reaches for his hand and holds on to it. It’s not like the hug Dick usually gets from her and maybe that’s because she doesn’t want anyone touching her back after the incident. Dick will take anything he can get. His much larger hand closes over her own and he swings them back and forth lightly.

“Me too,” Lian says. She squeezes his hand three times. “Why do you still have your gloves on?”

“My hands are cold,” Dick lies. “Why were you bent over like an accordion just a minute ago?”

“Her tummy’s been hurting,” Roy says with a frown.

“It’s because tigers used to try and eat people,” Lian tells him matter-of-factly. Roy looks like he’s about to correct her but she quickly hurries on. “My brain says there’s danger and it makes my tummy stop working.”

A lightbulb goes off in Dick’s head as he realizes that she’s describing anxiety. A simplified explanation of how the digestive system shuts down and sends blood to other parts of the body when there’s danger.

“My tummy does that too,” Dick says after a pause. “I get a lot of anxiety sometimes. Do you want me to show you how I try to make it go away?”

Lian scrunches her nose. “Do we have to take medicine?”

“Nope. All we need to do is sit up straight and breathe. Breathing really deep helps our brains calm down and makes our tummies feel more relaxed,” Dick explains. He sinks down on the plush couch and demonstrates how she should be sitting. “Now move back until you’re sitting like me.”

Lian does as she’s told and scoots back until she’s resting against the back of the couch. Dick only remembers how short she is when he notices how her feet stick out straight in front of her instead of dangling over the edge of the couch.

“Now tell your daddy to get in position.”

“Daddy,” Lian slaps the free cushion beside her, “sit next to me.”

“Magic word?” Roy prompts.

“Please,” Lian pouts.

“That’s better.” Roy’s knees pop when he shifts out of his crouched position. The whole couch rocks when he falls back against it. “What’s the strat here, Wing? We need to close our eyes or what?”

Dick wants to ask him why he’s acting like he’s never done this before but the playful words stick in his mouth like glue.

“We’ll close our eyes in a second. Lian, I want you to watch how your daddy and I take really deep breaths, okay? Then we’re all going to do it together.”

“I can take really big breaths!” Lian insists. She scrambles out of her pose and gets on her knees. Her little fingers wrap around Dick’s bicep as she leans in close to him. “I can take one million breaths as big as an elephant!”

The tired and apathetic part of him tells him to ignore her kid logic and to get back on track. The uncle part of him is another story. It wants him to be fun and helpful. To distract Lian from the worries and fears she has.

In the end, he does what he always does best: puts on a performance.

“Oh yeah?” Dick challenges with a grin that hopefully doesn’t look as strained as it feels. “I can take five billion breaths as big as a planet.”

“Elephants are bigger than planets,” she says.

“I think maybe the elephants are only bigger in your dreams.”

“Yeah, they are,” Lian agrees because she’s a typical kid who will support anything that proves she’s right in some capacity.

Roy looks amused when he puts his hands on Lian’s shoulders and steers her to sit back on her bottom. “Alright little missy, no more talking. We’re gonna do what Uncle Nightwing says now, okay?”

“Okay,” Lian agrees, looking over at Dick expectantly.

Coaching Lian through the exercise is easy. The most important part is making sure she’s taking breaths that are deep enough to make her stomach expand like a balloon. Dick has her place her hands on top of her stomach so he can see them rise when she inhales.

Roy follows along and Dick can tell that he’s taking advantage of the exercises for his own benefit. His face looks peaceful and relaxed as he follows along with Dick’s instructions to suck in a breath on the count of one and exhale up until the count of ten.

“Keep focusing on counting,” Dick tells them while they exhale. “We don’t want any other thoughts in our heads. No bad thoughts or funny thoughts. Only think about counting to ten.”

They run through a few more cycles. Dick’s pleased when he hears both Lian and Roy’s stomachs grumbling as they exhale. It’s a good sign that the deep breaths are massaging their organs and decreasing any kind of stomach pain.

“That’s it,” Dick says. “We’re all done.” He opens his eyes and sees Lian slumped against the back of the couch. Her hands are still resting on her stomach, but she looks languid instead of tense like she was when he first saw her.

“I’m tired now,” Roy says. His movements are slow as molasses when he slides forward to the edge of the couch and bends over to rest his arms on his thighs. He looks at Lian. “How about you, princess? You feeling any better?”

“Mhmm. My tummy doesn’t feel really uh…”

“Tight?” Dick offers.

“Yeah, it’s not so tight anymore.”

Roy pushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “Good. Mine feels a little better too.”

“Can we do Uncle Nightwing’s breathing thing again tomorrow?” she asks through a yawn.

“Sure thing,” Roy nods. His attention shifts to Dick. “Are you gonna still be here to lead us through it?”

This isn’t some kind of test but it feels like one. It feels like if he says no then he’s only proving that he’s a bad friend. That he can’t be relied on. He doesn’t want to give Roy that impression because it’s not true. Roy can rely on him the same way Dick relies on Roy. He hopes showing up here tonight is proof of that.

“That’s the plan,” he says, voice soft.

Roy leans over the couch and squeezes Dick’s knee gently. “You sure?” he asks, and his eyes roam over Dick’s face like he’s trying to find evidence that Dick is lying.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He pats Roy’s hand reassuringly in the same way Alfred's done for him and Bruce a hundred times. It's only now that he realizes it's a habit he's picked up.

Lian suddenly leans into Dick’s side and presses her weight against his arm. She pats both his and Roy’s hands.

“I’m sure too,” she says, and this time Dick can’t help but smile.

[voiceless-terror]

More than Enough

For @tma-mspec-week Day Three: Polycule

Characters: Jonathan Sims/Sasha James/Tim Stoker/Martin Blackwood

Rating: Teen

Summary:

“But what if-” Once again, Jon struggles to find the right words. He knows their situation is unorthodox to most people, and the thought of Martin looking at him differently is too much to bear. “What if he doesn’t understand?”

“Then explain it to him,” Sasha relays patiently, her hand never leaving his. Things are always so clear to her, Jon envies that. “You’re my partners, you’re dating Tim, sometimes me and Tim have-”

Or: How One Became Four.

It starts with Sasha and Jon.

She’s fresh off six months in Artefact Storage, shell-shocked and stand-offish. Jon starts a few months later and they learn the ropes together. She warms up, divulges little tidbits of her time in the other department that Jon devours. He’s young, hungry for answers and Sasha’s already jaded by her few years in academia. This is just a transitional job, she assures him. It pays better than most research gigs and allows her to keep up a certain lifestyle. 

“I’m looking at other places, putting out feelers,” she confides in him one day over coffee. It’s become their daily ritual, a mid-morning break where they can commiserate on the staid academics that ask too much of them and the fanciful statements that end up on their desk. “Whatever you do, don’t get stuck here.” She leans back in her chair, gives a cynical little smile. “Or maybe you should. It’ll be different for you, you’re a man.” He starts a protest but she cuts him off. “It’s an old boys club and you know it. Besides, I know all about your extra meetings with Bouchard. He’s never done that with anyone else. Who knows - in a few years you might be my boss!”

He scoffs at that. Jon feels like he’s treading water. He’s a great researcher, sure, but he hasn’t exactly made himself popular among the others. He’s quick to bite, dismissive, blunt. It’s why he and Sasha get along so well, tucked away in their own little world. Of course she would notice the attention from Elias; Jon’s flattered by it, even if he stammers his way through every interaction. Elias seems to find this amusing, but Jon wants to impress him. 

Though not at the cost of his friendship with Sasha. “I always mention your work to him. I’m rubbish with technology, but you-” She rolls her eyes.

“Don’t, he’ll see right through that. Manipulation’s not your strong suit.” Jon stares down at his rapidly cooling drink, an embarrassed flush spreading across his features. But her hand reaches out to grasp his and a fond smile lights her features. “Thank you, though. It’s sweet of you.”

Jon likes Sasha. Their personalities occasionally clash, but never for too long. Jon’s quick to forgive and Sasha’s too fond to hold a grudge, though she’s loath to admit it. So when her roommate suddenly moves out and she’s left in a bind, it’s only natural for Jon to take her place. He’s been rent-poor, living paycheck to paycheck in a shitty studio that’s still an hour’s commute. Sasha’s closer and her flat’s substantially nicer; she offers and he accepts, easy as that. It’s a practical move, and Jon has to admit his lonely little flat is starting to feel suffocating. 

They fit together easily, like pieces of puzzle slotting in place. Sasha’s brutally efficient in her personal matters; bills and maintenance that Jon finds overwhelming and confounding she takes care of with ease. He’s heard her on the phone in that light, practiced tone of hers as she casually threatens the landlord for necessary repairs. Jon finds himself relaxing bit by bit, feeling comfortable in his own skin as she snarks at the dinner table over a dish he’s made. He used to cook for Georgie like this. Now he cooks for Sasha.

“You’re good at this,” she comments one night over chana masala. “Loads better than the frozen meals I’m used to.”

“It’s nice, having someone to cook for. Harder to do it for one.” He feels a bit uncomfortable with the admission, though he knows he shouldn’t - this is what it’s like, when you love someone.

He’s never said that to her, of course. He gets attached too easily but never knows quite how to show it. And it’s not his usual sort of love, he doesn’t want to date her. She’s more than a friend, and Jon’s never had many of those; he has no metric to measure this against. He thinks he could stay in this flat with her forever, so long as he could see her smile every morning and yawn every night. 

On a Saturday morning she stumbles out of bed and makes her way over to the kitchen. “Morning,” she grumbles, as she reaches for the coffee pot and kisses his forehead. Jon doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to.

On a Wednesday night Jon drinks too much. 

“Sasha,” he slurs, her arm the only thing keeping him from falling off his stool. “I want you t’ know…”

She smiles indulgently, takes a sip of her drink. “Yes, dear?”

“I-I love you.” She pauses and Jon’s heart drops. “N-Not like that, but like friends. Good friends. Very good friends. But m-maybe not.” She’s still smiling, that’s got to be a good sign, right? “I-I just love you, okay?”

And then she laughs, puts an arm around his shoulder and pulls him close. “I love you too. Stay with me forever, okay?”

He takes her hand between his and promises, with all the solemnity a drunken man can muster, that he’ll stay with her forever and then some. The next morning, while they’re both nursing massive hangovers, Jon broaches the subject again.

“Did you mean it?” he asks tentatively, trying to keep the worry out of his voice. “What you said last night. Do- do you want me to stay forever?” She turns to look at him, bleary eyes suddenly alert.

“Yes.” There’s no tease in her words as she leans into his side, a warm weight on his shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever meant anything more.”

Jon stays.

______

Two years later, Tim joins the Institute.

He’s handsome; charming, but subdued. He’s been assigned a desk near theirs, invading the quiet little corner that had become their world. Tim greets them both with a smile and a perfunctory handshake before settling down at his desk and powering up his laptop. He doesn’t speak to them again.

Jon watches as he goes back and forth between circulation and his desk, building an impressive stack of books- The Pantomime Life of Joseph Grimaldi, The Congress of Clowns and Other Russian Circus Acts. Sasha told him he worked in publishing, Jon knows she got that information through her usual nefarious means. Perhaps he’s writing a book, Jon says. Sasha thinks otherwise.

“He’s one of those,” she says over sandwiches and tea. She invited Tim, but had been turned down with an apologetic smile. 

“Hmm?”

“Like you.” She sets her drink down, eyes him with her steady gaze. “He’s got a reason.”

Mr. Spider doesn’t like it.

Jon shivers at the reminder. Sasha never brought it up after he initially confided in her one vulnerable night last year; she just held him through the shaking and the tears. He’s only told the story twice; once at eight, again at twenty five. It never got easier.

“No one believed me,” he whispered, tucking his face into her shoulder as his body itched from phantom legs skittering across skin. She squeezed him back.

“I do.”

They’re friendly enough to Tim, giving him his distance while still trying to be helpful. Jon points him in the direction of texts and scholars who might be useful, Sasha teaches him a few of her more invasive tricks that Jon refused to learn. Slowly, bit by bit, he opens up. Never shares his story, no- but he smiles, jokes around with them, accompanies them on their lunch breaks and eventually entices them to after work drinks. 

He’s handsome when he smiles, Jon thinks to himself as Tim regales them with stories of dates gone wrong. Sasha catches his eye and winks. He wonders if she’ll tire of Jon now that Tim’s around. He’s everything Jon’s not; good-looking, confident, secure in his intelligence. Sasha laughs so freely around him. He could ground her where Jon cannot- they can be a chaotic force, the two of them. It’s why they keep to themselves.

But at the end of the night it’s Jon’s hand she takes, swinging it gently with hers. “Stay with me forever?”

He smiles. “Forever.”

They invite him over to their flat one night in spring, when the trees are blossoming and Jon’s allergies are acting up. He’s sniffling miserably on the couch, Tim sprawled next to him as Sasha pours some wine. Despite his misery, Jon’s content.

Tim nudges him with his foot. “So what’s your deal?” he asks in a wheedling tone, though his smirk betrays an almost imperceptible anxiety. It’s strange. “You and Sash. Dating, roomies…?”

It’s Sasha who answers, handing Jon a glass of wine and standing before Tim, tall and proud. “Jon’s my partner.” It’s matter of fact, and Jon can’t help the warmth that floods him. “We’re not dating. I’m not interested in that.” She hands him his glass with a smirk. “But if you want to romance Jon, feel free.”

Jon sputters as she laughs- he’s transparent, as usual. They’d talked about it briefly- Sasha’s fine with him dating other people, but Jon’s never felt the need to. Sasha’s enough. She still is, but he can’t deny the way his heart swoops whenever Tim aims that smile in his direction. Sasha likes him too, in her own way.

Tim’s still gaping at them and Jon can’t help but join in on the laughter, as embarrassed as he feels. “Is the great Timothy Stoker nervous?” Sasha says in between giggles. “Guess we know how to shut him up now.”

“L-Look, can you blame me?” Tim says, a smile growing on his face. “You two can be very intimidating, not to mention gorgeous-”

Jon kicks at his leg. “Don’t joke.”

“No, we are.” Sasha interrupts, daring him to disagree. She turns that deadly smile back on Tim, delighting in his falter. “So what’ll it be, Stoker?”

There’s silence, Jon can feel his heart racing. They’ve got this all wrong, Tim doesn’t want him, Tim’s going to leave, Tim doesn’t understand-

“Can I take you out to dinner tomorrow night?”

Jon blinks. “Uh, yes?”

“He likes Thai!” Sasha calls as she walks over to her bedroom, leaving the two of them on the couch, laughing nervously. 

“So you’re bi, then?” Tim asks, scooting closer to Jon and throwing a blanket over their legs and an arm around his shoulder. It’s warm in all the right ways and Jon leans closer, the awkwardness dissipating at the touch of his hand. 

“I prefer pan,” he replies. It’s the first term that felt right to him. Georgie used to make some stupid joke about a ‘gender buffet’ and him ‘having one of everything.’ It still makes him smile. “And- and you should know I’m also ace. So there’s some things I won’t be able to do for you.” He looks for disappointment in Tim’s eyes and finds none. “I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course.” Tim smiles like he means the words and Jon feels light, almost dizzy. “Are kisses alright?”

He nods shyly, and Tim takes this as his cue to pepper him in obnoxiously loud smooches- one in his hair, another on his nose. Jon manages to bat him away after Tim almost gets him in the eye. 

So Tim and Jon are dating. Tim takes him out to dinner, the movies, one memorable night of karaoke. Sasha joins in when she wants; they go to museums and lectures. One night she laces her fingers through Tim’s, smiling at his wide eyes.

“What?” she says innocently, doing the same with Jon. “I’ve got two hands.”

On Wednesday nights Tim goes to the gym. Jon sits at the table, passes Sasha a bowl of reheated spaghetti before settling down in his chair. He fidgets, not touching his fork.

“What is it?” Sasha asks, setting her own fork down. “You’ve got that look on your face.”

“I-” he stutters, sighing as the words won’t come. Just tell her like you practiced. “I’m not trying to, well- hmm. I don’t want to insinuate anything-”

“You would never.”

“But, I’ve noticed- I’m not- Tim is very handsome.”

Sasha smiles indulgently. “Mhm. Go on.”

“And I’ve noticed. I don’t- if you wanted to-” Goddamnit. Pull yourself together. “I wouldn’t mind it, if you were to - that is, if you’d like to engage in-” He closes his eyes, purses his lips in frustration. “Please stop me.”

“Why Jon,” she replies, her voice coy and teasing. “Are you giving me your blessing?”

Jon sighs, his face warming as he opens one eye- she’s grinning, just as he expected. “...Yes?”

Six months later, Tim moves in.

_______

“Jon wants to bring a boy home!”

Jon smacks him in the arm and scowls. “Tim, don’t-”

“What, it’s true!” He leans back in his chair, a self-satisfied smirk on his face. Jon wants to knock the smile off his face and maybe onto the floor, if he can get a good kick in. “I don’t blame you and in fact, I encourage it. Martin’s a catch-”

“Martin?” Sasha perks up. “Finally!”

“Not you too-”

“Jon, he’s a very sweet boy-”

“-good-looking, too!”

“And if you want to bring him over, please do.” She reaches across the table to give his hand an encouraging, if condescending, squeeze. “I’ve seen the way you look at each other.”

“But what if-” Once again, Jon struggles to find the right words. He knows their situation is unorthodox to most people, and the thought of Martin looking at him differently is too much to bear. “What if he doesn’t understand?”

“Then explain it to him,” Sasha relays patiently, her hand never leaving his. Things are always so clear to her, Jon envies that. “You’re my partners, you’re dating Tim, sometimes me and Tim have-”

“I don’t think I’ll need to go into that much detail just yet,” Jon cuts her off, ignoring Tim’s snicker. “It’s just...what if he thinks it's weird?”

“Weird can be good. And if he doesn’t agree, well - he’s not worth your time.”

If only it were that simple.

It’s been about three months since he first ran into Martin in the break room. He’d seen him around plenty of times, but despite his hulking form, the man can make himself very, very small. It wasn’t until he quite literally ran into him, causing him to drop his newly organized files, that Jon got a good look at his face.

It was a nice face. Soft, kind, with big blue eyes and curly red hair that fell across his forehead. He wanted to touch it, tuck it behind Martin’s ear and he almost did, despite the man’s rambling apologies and meek demeanor. He stood there, frozen, even as Martin handed back the file with a bashful smile.

“Sorry, I’m pretty clumsy. Are you alright?”

Jon was fine. He should probably say that.

“Y-Yes. I’m Jon.” Wow. Smooth.

“I know.” Martin put a hand behind his neck, nervously chuckling. “You’re quite known around these parts.” His eyes widened and his face turned red. A nice red. “N-Not in a bad way, of course! You’re- you’re just very smart and- and direct- and oh Lord, that’s not a compliment, is it-”

“Thank you for my file,” Jon replied robotically, his eyes trained somewhere over Martin’s shoulder and not on his very, very blue eyes. “I have to take my leave now.” Why are you talking like this?

Their next few encounters were similarly stunted and awkward. Martin made tea at ten every morning, coincidentally when Jon got his yogurt from the fridge. He started making Jon a cup as well; he wasn’t sure if Martin was particularly excellent at making tea, or if it just mattered that he was the one making it. Jon tried not to dwell on the sentimentality of it all. 

He shouldn’t want another partner. He’s got Sasha, who he loves, and Tim, who he also loves, albeit in a different way. They should be enough for him. They are enough. But Martin makes him tea and asks him how his day is going and smiles at him and people don’t do that. He tells himself he just wants a friend, but he finds his mind wandering- Martin’s hand in his while they walk down the street, Jon nestled into his side on a movie night and Tim’s there too, because Martin is very comfy and handsome and warm. Sasha’s in her armchair reading a book because tonight they’re watching a romantic comedy and she hates those. Jon hates them too but Martin likes them, of course Martin likes them-

No. He’s getting distracted. And he’s standing in front of Martin like an idiot, saying nothing. This is going terribly. Why did he ever think this would not go terribly-

“Jon? Are you alright? You look like you’re about to have a stroke.”

“I’m not having a stroke,” Jon responds on auto-pilot. “I’m trying to think of a clever way to ask you out but you are very distracting.”

Shit. Martin stares at him, mouth open in shock. He’s got nice teeth. Very straight.

“Um- I-I thought you were with Tim?” Martin squeaks out. Oh God, I’ve scared him. Do I keep going? “Or- or Sasha, oh! I’m not accusing you of -”

“No, you’re correct,” Jon grinds out, willing himself to be calm. He doesn’t want Martin to think his frustration is aimed at him. “Sasha’s my partner and I’m dating Tim, and sometimes Sasha and Tim-” No! Abort! “-sorry. We’re together. But, um, I-I also like you, and I think Tim likes you but he hasn’t said- I’m sorry, this is going all wrong.” He looks down at the floor, clenching his jaw. “I understand if you say no.”

“I’m not saying no,” Martin’s voice is lower now and Jon feels a hope rise in his chest. He’s not? “So it’s, it’s like an open thing? You’re accepting applications?” Jon would laugh at the joke if he weren’t so paralyzed with fear.

“Not really? It’s, we aren’t dating around or anything, but I suppose it is open, in a way.” He pauses, takes a deep breath. “Open for you.”

Martin’s smiling like he can’t believe his luck, and it confuses Jon because who wouldn’t want him? Kind, handsome Martin who makes him tea and doesn’t laugh at his stupid jokes but rolls his eyes affectionately and tells his own in turn. Jon doesn’t think he’ll ever understand his humor but it makes him smile and that’s important. And now Martin’s taking his hand and he- oh fuck Martin’s taking his hand Martin’s got his hand and it’s warm, just like he knew it would be-

“I-I think I’d like that.” A squeeze. Jon dies but only a little. “Wow, this is sort of crazy for me, y’know? You’re all so, so intimidating and good-looking-”

“Yes, we are,” Jon agrees, squeezing his hand back. “But we’d like to buy you dinner, if you’re amenable.” Martin laughs and says yes, he’s very, very amenable. It feels right holding Martin’s hand. It feels right to see him with Tim and Sasha, smiling and joking. It feels right to lean into him at the end of the day, to nudge his side in the night and apologize in the morning.

Martin’s lease expires in seven months. They start looking for a new apartment after three.

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032062