#i like to think i am very good at self control. the idea of maintaining that level of control for 6000 FUCJING YEARS is crazy to me.

[mars-ipan]

i know i’ve said it before but we should really and truly be praising crowley’s overall self control. i would not have been so strong

[universalitgirlsblog2]

👛🖤SELF-CONCEPT👛🖤

CONTENTS OF THE POST

- MEANING OF SELF CONCEPT

- IS IT NECESSARY TO MANIFEST ?

- HOW TO IMPROVE IT ?

- SELF CONCEPT AFFIRMATIONS

- QUOTES ON SELF CONCEPT BY NEVILLE GODDARD

👛MEANING OF SELF CONCEPT

The way we perceive ourselves and the ideas we hold about our competencies and attributes is called self-concept. ( This definition is from my psychology textbook but it described self concept really well )

🖤IS IT NECESSARY TO MANIFEST ?

Self concept is not necessary when it comes to manifesting but it is very helpful and it does make manifesting more simple and easy.

👛HOW TO IMPROVE IT ?

💞Affirm !! Affirm and saturate your mind with those affirmations. The best way to reprogram your subconscious is through REPETITION. The more you repeat a thought / affirmation , the more dominant it will become.

👡Never underestimate the power of music. If you go on a spotify , just search self concept or confidence or that girl playlist & you will find so many songs which are filled with powerful and positive affirmations. Artists like Nicki Minaj , Le sserafim , Ariana Grande always include powerful affirmations in their songs. Listening to their songs enhanced my self concept.

💞Find a role model! Refer to my post on self concept icons , there are three parts in total . Click here - 1, 2 , 3. Suppose you want a self concept like Blair Waldorf , you can use her effect affirmations and a playlist dedicated to Blair and her vibes. Or maybe your self concept icon is Song Jia ? Then use affirmations based on her and listen to playlists dedicated to her. I have made affirmations for Jia too !! Your self concept icon can be anyone !!!! If you go on spotify and just search Blair , Regina, Song Jia or Thewizardliz etc you will find alot of playlists dedicated to them.

👡Create an alter ego and start acting like her . YOU ARE HER NOW !!! STOP IDENTIFYING WITH YOUR OLD SELF WHO HAD POOR SELFCONCEPT. THAT VERSION DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.

💞Already assume that you have a perfect self concept . Don't give the old story any attention or don't waste your energy on your old self. Stop affirming how you have a " bad " self concept and need to work on it. Just assume that you have a perfect self concept already.

👡Mental diet can do wonders. Whenever you have a thought that doesn't align with your perfect self concept. Ask yourself , "Does this thought align with my perfect self concept?" . If the answer is no , then reject it. Become aware of your thoughts and only entertain productive and useful thoughts. Have a positive SELF TALK

💞Realize how powerful you are. You control your reality. You tell your reality/ 3D what to do. Your circumstances , 3D or reality doesn't control you, you control them. Your inner world creates the outer world. Stop victimizing yourself. You are the main character and director of your life. Start acting like it.

Self concept work is supposed to be easy and fun . Don't complicate it.

🖤SELF CONCEPT AFFIRMATIONS

I have a strong and empowering self concept .

I am the creator of my reality

I control how my life unfolds

Everything always works out to my advantage

Circumstances and things are always rigged in my favor

I deserve the best in every area of my life

I am the girl who has it all

I am the It girl of my reality

Nothing is impossible in my world

I am good at everything

I am a master manifestor

I am the best

I am loved and valued

I am wanted by everyone

I am the prize

The world is my oyster

I am successful at everything I do

I have Lucky girl/ boy syndrome

I am the universe’s favorite child, so all my needs and wants are always met, instantaneously

I am powerful beyond limits

I am fearless, unstoppable , invincible and antifragile

I am the one with all the health, wealth, and happiness in the world.

I have a perfect self concept

I can maintain a good mental diet easily.

I am aware of my thoughts

I only think useful and productive thoughts

I am completely in love with myself

I always get what I want

I don't chase , i attract

I am a priority , queen / king , and chosen.

👛QUOTES ON SELF CONCEPT BY NEVILLE GODDARD

"Your opinion of yourself is your most important viewpoint. You are infinitely greater than you think you are.”

“Change your conception of yourself and you will automatically change the world in which you live. Do not try to change people; they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself and they will confirm the change.”

“Stop trying to change the world since it is only the mirror. Man’s attempt to change the world by force is as fruitless as breaking a mirror in the hope of changing his face. Leave the mirror and change your face. Leave the world alone and change your conceptions of yourself. The reflection then will be satisfactory.”

“To reach a higher level of being, you must assume a higher concept of yourself."

“I AM wealthy, poor, healthy, sick, free, confined were first of all impressions or conditions felt before they became visible expressions. Your world is your consciousness objectified. Waste no time trying to change the outside; change the within or the impression; and the without or expression will take care of itself. When the truth of this statement dawns upon you, you will know that you have found the lost word or the key to every door. I AM (your consciousness) is the magical lost word which was made flesh in the likeness of that which you are conscious of being.”

"Everything depends upon our attitude towards ourselves. That which we will not affirm as true of ourselves cannot develop in our life.”

"Our present mental conversations do not recede into the past, they advance into the future to confront us as wasted or invested words.”

"The individual’s inner speech and actions attract the conditions of his life.”

“Nothing is impossible to you.”

“Live your life in a sublime spirit of confidence and determination.”

“The world cannot change until you change your conception of it. 'As within so without'.”

"" The part you play on the world's stage is determined by your conception of yourself ."

[chunksworld]

Behind Closed Doors

IVE Yujin x Male Reader | (Tags: Smut) | fuckbuddy!Yujin

A/N 1: I am down astronomically bad for her. Thank you @kaedespicelatte as always for beta reading this piece.

------------------------

“Come on, let’s go out tonight! Drinks are on me.”

You should’ve turned her down then, when all she had in her system was a glass of champagne from the after party, when she still isn’t as possessive as she is right now—arms wrapped tightly around yours as she tries, and fails, to make her way back to the dorms. You should have remembered just how much of a lightweight Ahn Yujin is, and how it could spell trouble for you for the rest of this lovely night. Another rookie of the year award bagged, another round of partying, and another night spent with her. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

“Hmm you look good today.”

Even just a drop of alcohol turns her into the most dangerous woman on the planet—and with the dress she’s wearing that hugs her curves tightly, it takes every ounce of self-control not to make any moves that could jeopardize your friendship with her. Not even when she presents those inviting lips that makes you just want to drag her to a narrow alley and fuck her senseless. Not even when that intoxicating scent of hers makes her even more alluring than she already is. 

Are you even just friends? The countless sexual encounters with her proves otherwise—from quickies in the practice room to full-on sexual escapades in her bedroom, you two have done it all.

A partnership forged by her desire to alleviate the stress that comes with being the leader of the most popular group in the nation has led to quite an interesting relationship with her, a relationship that you didn’t even think would exist.

“Y-Yah why are we walking so slowly!” 

In fear of being recognized, you opted to walk her home instead of taking a cab; which might have been a bad idea considering her dorm is two miles away and carrying an albeit light woman who is constantly trying to grind up on you is not exactly what you need—maybe you should have just accepted Wonyoung’s assistance. And considering that you’re just as shitfaced at this very moment, your fuse is infinitesimally small. “Can you just stay still, Yujinnie?”

There’s no use arguing when she’s breathing down your neck, sending chills down your spine as you attempt to give her a piggyback ride. You grab onto her thighs as she wraps her arms around your neck  and the moan she releases into your ears is only urging you throw all decorum away—not that you had any in the first place. If everyone just knew how much she bends to your will during every encounter, if only they knew just how lucky you are to have such an experience with her.

Sensing your distress, she laughs; a sultry laugh that only makes it that much harder to maintain composure. God, she really knows how to manipulate you. “Ohhh looks like someone is angry.” Then you feel her lips hovering near your ears; those damn, tempting lips. “Had a little bit too much to drink tonight, sweetie?” Look who’s talking. You shiver as you feel her softly nibble on your earlobe, wandering hands exploring your body as she tightens her hold around you. It’s a battle of who can keep their cool the longest and she’s clearly on the winning side.

“Can’t wait for you to fuck me hard once when we get back.” Maybe it’s the fact that this whole friends-with-benefits ordeal with her has been going on for a year now, but she sure knows how to push your buttons. But you’re not exactly doing anything to stop her, in fact you love it. Who else can say that they get to have sex with Ahn Yujin regularly? “I know I’ll definitely be screaming for that cock of yours.”

“Yujin…..”

She dismisses your words like the wind, a hand slowly creeping down towards your pants. How pathetic, you already have a bulge and you haven’t even fucked her yet. “What position are we gonna try this time? Missionary? That’s boring. Doggy style? That’s too basic. Maybe you eat my pussy while I suck your dick, hmm?”

You almost stumble forward but you fortunately save yourself in time before you end up faceplanting on the sidewalk. The imagery Yujin places inside your brain is enough to cause it to go haywire. But you must remain firm, any advantage given to her will only boost her already inflated ego. “Just shut the fuck up, will you?”

“The only way that happens is if you stuff my mouth full of that dick. Look how hard you are for me.” She doesn’t stop fondling your clothed length, as if the fact that other people can clearly see the sinful things she’s doing urges her even more. “I can already imagine it hitting the back of my throat. Or hitting my cervix while you pound me from behind.” A groan as she gives your clothed bulge a squeeze. “God, you’re so big.”

You grit your teeth, knowing that any words that come out of your mouth will encourage her even more. But your silence doesn’t stop her, continuing to whisper the dirtiest things right into your ear as you make the treacherous walk back to the dorms. Nothing she did made the trip easy nor the fact that you became more and more drunk as time passed by—almost falling to the side multiple times as she just laughed at you. Are you really going to endure such things just to get in her pants?

The obvious answer is yes. Otherwise you would have just called a cab like you should’ve and dropped her off before making your way home. But instead here you are, struggling to press the combination to her dorms as she somehow made herself heavier. Your legs are aching and trembling, your dick has been painfully trapped inside your pants for the past hour; at this point you’d want nothing but to vent out your frustration.

Forget the fact that all of the other members are deep in their slumber, crash your lips into hers as soon as the door is shut. The taste of whatever alcoholic concoction she consumed lingers on her lips, those plump lips that have been teasing you for the past few hours. Thankfully you’ve memorized the outline of her dorm to be able to maneuver the two of you to her bedroom in complete darkness—though not without bumping into some furniture in the way.

Thank goodness Yujin’s bedroom walls are soundproof because she releases a moan so loudly that the other members definitely would’ve heard by now. But it’s not like the two of you would’ve cared anyways—she’ll loudly proclaim to anyone how good you fuck her. She pulls you immediately into another kiss as soon as you enter the room, this time it’s filled with even more passion and lust. Fuck, you can’t get enough of her and tonight, you’re going to have your fill of her. And based on the look on her eyes, she’s dying to do the same.

She grabs onto the collars of your dress shirt while your hands fumble with the zipper on the back of her dress, trying your hardest to focus on the task while she moves down to your neck and proceeds to leave kisses there. “Shit, we’re gonna have such a good time tonight.” You’re definitely sure that she left hickeys that will definitely have to be covered by tomorrow but you don’t care at the moment. Not when you’ve finally undressed her, leaving her in black lingerie as the flimsy dress pools at her feet. Your eyes immediately scan her body, from her plentiful cleavage; her toned abs; her thick thighs; and her ridiculously long legs that you just want wrapped around your body.

A knowing smile from her as she can see your yearning eyes scanning her perfectly sculpted body—she’s got you right where she wants you to be. She knows that it only takes one little thing to piss you off and for you to end up right here inside her bedroom once again. “My eyes are up here, oppa.” But you are far in too deep, her intense aura captivating you to no end and with nowhere else to go. 

A devilish smirk from Yujin, then a lip bite as she works on unbuttoning your dress shirt while you work on taking off the rest of your clothing—soon you are only left in your boxers but before she could take it off, you push her onto the bed. With how much teasing she’s done to you tonight, it’s time for you to get a little revenge. And perhaps, a taste of her.

You urge her to move further up the bed before diving in towards those lips again. This time swirling your tongue around hers as you give her clothed breasts a gentle squeeze. Whimpers and moans vibrate in your mouth as you move your hands further down from her tight stomach down to her heavenly thighs. Eventually, you have to pull away from the kiss to recover your breath. “I’ve had it enough with you. I’m gonna fuck you till you can’t walk.”

“Good, then you’re gonna have to explain to Gaeul unnie and the rest of the girls why I’ll be stuck in my room all day. How’s that?” She cups your length through your boxers and it makes you jump. Then that moment of vulnerability allows her to pull down your boxers and you shiver as cold air meets your fully erect cock, precum already dripping out. “I don’t think either one of us wants that to happen. Right, oppa?”

She leaves you speechless. Either because she looks absolutely stunning under the warm lights of her bedroom or the fact that the alcohol has completely taken over your system. But as she slowly wraps her dainty fingers around your cock, the only thing you can do is groan in pleasure. You need her more than anything else, an addiction that you’ll gladly suffer from for the rest of your life.

“Y-Yujin, shit…”

“Hmm, what was that? I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Then she begins to stroke your length at a delicately slow pace, causing you to fall back on the bed and for her to be the one on top now. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. The sensory overload she provides leaves you breathless and scrambling. “You’re gonna have to speak louder, oppa.”

As if to punish you, she begins to stroke you faster, even spitting on your cock to lubricate her hand. But it’s hard to focus on anything other than just how stunning she looks in her bra and panties—even more so without them. A body seemingly sculpted by the gods and only yours to see. Fuck, you can’t wait to explore more of her.

Just the thought makes your cock throb in her hand and she could feel it, making her stroke you even faster. “Yujin, please!”

“Please what?” She then begins to move her face towards your length and the angle allows you to get a glimpse of her breasts and it’s causing your brain to go haywire even further. “You’ve gotta tell me what you want, oppa.”

And as much as you hate giving in to what she wants, you have no choice but to swallow your pride and oblige. It’s not like this was going to end any other way. You take a deep breath before giving her a pleading look. How truly pathetic. “Just suck my cock, please.”

Then she flashes that signature, bright smile of hers and for a split second you see the idol side of her. Though that mirage only last for a fleeting moment as you are quickly reminded of how much she changes during sex. “Good. I’ve been wanting to taste this dick the entire night. How could you make me wait, hmm?” She strokes your length for a few more times before hastily taking your cock inside her mouth. No time to get used to it, this isn’t her first rodeo and neither is it yours. Lean your head back in pleasure as uncontrolled moans and groans escape your mouth.

Yujin’s trained gag reflex along with the added lubrication allows her to take you all the way in easily, switching back and forth between sucking you off and jerking you off. Sometimes she would swipe her tongue on your slit, licking all of the precum coming out of you. Or sometimes she would fondle your balls as the lewd sound of her going to town on your dick reverberates throughout her room. Can the other members not really hear anything?

She pauses to wipe the drool coming out of the sides of her mouth and the sight of her ravaging your cock turns you on even more. “You’re really enjoying this, aren’t you? You better return the favor later, oppa.”

You’re supposed to be the one taking over and yet you melt into putty under her expert touch, the combination of her hands and mouth working their magic on your cock only serves to grow the familiar tension building up in your stomach. The events of this night are causing you to last much shorter than usual but you don’t mind, you want to stuff that mouth of hers full of cum. 

“Of course, I-I am.” You pant, finding it hard to even speak. “I wanna paint that pretty face of yours, Yujinnie.”

Apparently that’s not the right answer because a disappointed look spreads across her face as she stops pleasuring you. “Listen, I didn’t make you come all the way here just to have that huge load wasted on my face okay?” Is she pouting? “I need your cum to fill my pussy, breed me.” In a flash, she strips herself off of her undergarments—now she’s completely naked like you are.

As expected, she’s already wet—her juices dripping down her lovely thighs as she sits back on her bed and spreads her legs wide. She licks her fingers before using them to spread her lips wide open, showing you just how ready she is to be stuffed full of your dick. “Come on now, oppa. I’m all yours.” Yujin winks, then another lip bite as she presents herself to you.

That only sends more blood rushing towards your blue-balled cock. “Fucking hell, Yujinnie.” You immediately follow her towards the top of the bed and crash your lips with hers once again. No more foreplay, no more games. You insert your cock inside her awaiting pussy and the familiar warmth invites you to start pounding her and breed her like she begged you to.

“A-Ah wait!” Yujin then wraps her toned legs around you as you vent out all of your frustrations on her, fingers leaving scratches all over your shoulders and back as she holds on to you for dear life while you piston your hips at an unrelenting pace. 

You then bury your face on the crook of her neck as you roughly knead her breasts, continuing to stuff her full of your cock. “You like that, huh? Is this what you wanted?” For the first time tonight she’s the one rendered speechless, only giving you a curt nod as her guttural moans go straight into your ears. But you’re not exactly giving her the opportunity to talk, your thrusts only becoming more hurried and desperate as you trail your lips down to her left nipple and begin to suck on it harshly.

“Shit! Shit! Keep sucking on my tits please….”

You can feel her walls tighten around you as a response, such a simple action leading her that much closer to her orgasm. Her desperate cries of pleasure only increase in volume as you switch your target to her right nipple, sucking on it just as harshly while your fingers sneak in between where your crotches meet to rub on her clit. Meanwhile her own fingers are either clutching the bedsheets tightly or leaving more scratch marks all over your back, the continuous loud moaning of your name is the only sound that can be heard aside from the lewd sound of your cock giving her the pounding that she wanted. “That’s right, shout my name. Let everyone know just how much Ahn Yujin likes this dick deep inside her pussy.”

And as if it’s only the two of you in the dorms, she does exactly that. After a particularly hard thrust, she arches her back off the bed, her saliva-drenched breasts pressing against your chest as she experiences a strong orgasm. She squirts so violently that it forces your length out of her pussy, leaving her inner thighs a drenched mess very much like her silk bedsheets underneath. At this point, you two are both soaking in sweat but that just makes Yujin look even more ethereal. Her tanned skin glowing beautifully as you give her a passionate kiss while she comes down from her orgasm. 

“Fuck–” Yujin pants heavily, laughing at the mess she made. “You never fail to make me cum hard. You should stick around more.” She wipes the excess drool on her lips with the back of her hand, taking a couple more deep breaths as she slowly calms down from her high. You brush loose strands of her hair aside, diving in once again to capture those lips as your other arm rests on the mattress to make sure not to crush her with your weight.

After the brief makeout session, she then lightly pushes herself off of you and returns to her original position twenty minutes ago: legs spread wide open as she sits near the top of her bed—this time she looks more messy with her disheveled hair, bruised lips, and her pussy still dripping with her juices. 

“Now it’s your turn to cum, oppa. Take me how you want.”

That is all that you needed to hear from her as you gave her a quick kiss before grabbing her by  the waist and flipping her over on her stomach, causing her to squeal. Take this moment to appreciate her curves, her wide hips, that ass that never fails to make you hard when you watch her perform. And to think that this is only for you to see still blows your mind to this day.

“What are you waiting for? Fuck me already!”

Right. It’s time for you to fill her up and considering how intense this night has gotten, it will certainly not take you long to reach your own climactic end. You proceed to grab her wide hips with one hand while guiding your cock–still drenched with her juices–inside her waiting pussy. Soon, she’s moaning your name again as you quickly settle into a nice and steady pace. Her buttcheeks jiggling with every thrust is a sight that you will never get tired of. But there’s no better feeling than having her tight body pressed against yours so you grab onto her shoulders with one hand to pull her in an upright position, using your other free hand to fondle her breasts as you resume your pounding.

The lewd position allows you to leave kisses on her neck as she reaches behind her to wrap an arm around you. Her alluring scent only drives you crazy as you continue to slam yourself into her pussy, her orgasm making it easy for your length to slide in and out. It didn’t take that long for you to near your end, to explode into a supernova of pleasure that can only be provided by the woman writhing underneath—you could only handle so much pleasure and you received plenty of it tonight.

“Shit! I’m so fucking close, Yujinnie.” 

Hearing this, Yujin begins to bounce on your length with authority—her buttcheeks continuing to jiggle as the air in the room begins to grow hotter. “Fill me please! I want that thick cum inside me.” She then pulls you in for another deep, passionate kiss while she works hard to help you with your impending orgasm. “I want it flowing out of my pussy, I want it dripping down my thighs—”

“FUCK!”

It only takes her dirty words for you to reach your peak, vision going white as you begin to shoot ribbons upon ribbons of thick semen inside her tight, velvety walls—seemingly trying to milk your balls out of all the cum it has. Your cock throbs violently as you fill her to the brim much like she begged you to. You can’t count how many shots of semen you’ve left inside her but you know it’s enough as it immediately begins to drip out of her freshly fucked pussy the moment you pull out. You crash beside her right on the bed and you think that your night ends here but Yujin seems to have an infinite reserve of energy as she stands up from the bed just mere minutes later, your heavy load staining her thick thighs beautifully. She takes this moment to fix her hair once again for a few moments before reaching a hand out to you:

“Round three in the shower?”

[txttletale]

hi I've been following you for a while and I had some questions about MLism. First, while I think I have a decent understanding of how it works economically, how would a ML government (after the revolution) ensure it doesn't become too powerful? like what systems would be put in place so that it hears public opinion and dissent (should there be any) and not try to maintain power through oppressive means?

Secondly, what would the aftermath of the revolution look like? once the government is overthrown, there will most likely be a period of instability where different factions trying to sieze control. How would the MLs make sure that they get seated in power?

I am genuinely trying to learn more about it, so I'm sorry if those questions are ignorant. Thanks!

i mean, that first part? i'll be completely honest with you and say that in my opinion that's a partially unsolved problem. i think that lenin's prescriptions in state & revolution, based on the actions of the paris commune--that all 'officials' should be subject to democratic recall at any time and paid no more than anyone else--would be a good start.

but of course the USSR did not ossify and see abuses of power because its leaders simply forgot about what lenin wrote--the centralization of power and limiting of worker democracy was a direct result of the newly formed state apparatus having to fight brutal years-long civil war followed as mere decade later by a brutal years-long international invasion. & this is of course a situation that will be faced by any serious socialist government & their newly formed apparatus!

however, on the other hand -- cuba has succesfully maintained an incredible system of participatory democracy. i think that mao's idea of the 'mass line' -- that theory must constantly be in dialogue with the situation on the ground and the situation of the workers -- is vital to maintaining this. in its own time of crisis, during the 90s, instead of 'pulling the ladder up' on workers' councils, cuba expanded and doubled down on its participatory democracy. i think if any nation has succesfully followed lenin's theory and example, it's cuba, and the mass workplace and municipal democracy that the cuban communist party has invited should be the model for any future socialist revolution.

and quite frankly the reason why MLs will 'take power' after the revolution is because marxism-leninism is the only revolutionary socialist ideology with a plan and ability to take and maintain power over the bourgeoisie. i think one thing reading lenin will very much clarify is that the socialist state is not something that is built after the revolution but a continuation of the revolution -- lenin explains aptly the marxist position that, having taken up arms in order to dethrone the bourgeoisie, to not establish a marxist dictatorship of the proletariat is to throw aside those arms that have already been wielded and used. 'not setting up a worker's state' isn't inaction, but a deliberate choice to be disarmed and helpless in the face of foreign intervention or counterrevolution.

and this is also why i think that while solving the (very real and dangerous!) spectres of bureaucracy, of revisionism, of socialist militias becoming police forces "special bodies of men apart from and above" the people instead of "self-acting armed organizations" of the people is a vital and pressing question for marxism-leninism to address in both theory and practice, it is just as vital to note that only marxism-leninism can succeed to the point where this becomes a problem--only marxism-leninism has shown the historical ability to put the workers in a position of political supremacy that they might risk losing to these flaws and missteps.

& seriously, don't be sorry for asking questions. any questions in good faith are welcomed on this blog, because i'm a communist and i do in fact think it is my job to explain communism to people. have a nice day & don't be so down on yourself!

[wordsnstuff]

Hiya! Just wondering, what unusual and unique ways have helped you get out of a writer's creative block?

Let's talk *briefly* about writer's block.

Yes, this will be long, but I think it will help you.

It's been a long time since I was in a regular posting schedule for this blog, and that is upsetting to me (and many of you, I'm aware). For a significant chunk of that time, I considered writer's block to be the primary reason for this, but looking back on the nearly three years I've spent attempting over and over to return to the schedule and routine I once maintained, I have accepted that writer's block was never the problem. Not the way I thought.

I have, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, always thought of writer's block as if it's a tangible condition or something that happens to you, like a cold. That conclusion always prompted me to seek a solution (for instance, motivational content or exterior inspiration or anything that would enhance my capacity for self discipline). Because I thought of it as something that just developed naturally, I focused very little on the root of the issue and consequently it never seemed to improve.

For most of us, the past three years have ranged from severely abnormal to deeply traumatic, and though a lot of mythology around the process of art and inspiration tells us that conflict and pain inform a good portion of creativity, I have to admit that none of what the world has been through recently has made me want to write. When you and everyone you know have been in a survival mindset for several years, the seemingly trivial pleasure of creating fiction or sharing content about the process feels overwhelming. Every time I've returned to this space that I created long before experiencing any of this turmoil, especially because this turmoil occurred during the dawn of my adulthood, it has felt like a silly attempt at denial.

My writer's block, and I'm sure many others', was not simply a case of burnout or lack of inspiration. It's not that I had been pushing myself too hard without allowing for reasonable time for rest and recharging my mind, or that I simply ran out of ideas or reasons to want to continue. Even when you have the deepest of passion for a craft, you will always be human and therefore always affected by your environment and the events in your life. When you find yourself unable to put the pen to the paper, instead of asking what you can do to change that, ask why you're struggling in the first place. Focus on the cause, not the effect.

For me, a lot of my difficulty with writing has come from my environment and the mindset it has put me in. I am currently in university, so whether I like it or not, I have to write here and there and pull myself together to be able to do that. Every time I do so, I wonder why I can't enforce that same authority on myself for my personal projects, and it's because, for a long while, my environment has not been conducive to that effort. I haven't had the control over my schedule and responsibilities that I used to have, and finding a balance between these responsibilities and my personal goals has has a learning curve. All of these circumstances, for better or worse, have affected my mental state and my ability to write.

I did not have the freedom or even the energy to put in practice the exercises that helped me before, and as a result I haven't been writing. Coming out of that struggle hasn't been a matter of waiting for things to change or get better, it's been putting my energy toward a new process of trial and error. Since accepting that my new reality is here to stay, the priority has been finding new ways to work around it and specifically, work with it. This acceptance can require a lot of difficult reflection, and this can reach beyond your desire to write and into your desire to live a good life in general. It can feel silly or humiliating or patronizing to approach this reflection from the very bottom of things, and this includes the basics.

It may seem silly to consider the basics when the problem feels so extreme, but when you're consistently forgetting the casual maintenance of your mind and body, you will consistently find yourself failing to accomplish much beyond the bare minimum. If you struggle with mental health, this will be even more evident. Basic things like hydration, diet, sleep, movement, interaction, and joy will always be the most effective place to start when addressing why you cannot write. Once you have verified that these needs are met, then the presence of a deeper problem will reveal itself, but you'll never know if that's the case unless you check the other boxes.

So, you've checked the basics and they're all fine but you're still experiencing writer's block. Have you made time in your daily schedule for intentional rest? Are you coming home at the end of a long day and jumping straight into writing or keeping up with your duties at home or simply falling in front of a screen for a few hours? None of these things are rest. Distracting yourself with noise or housekeeping is not rest, and when it's all you do after a full day of other responsibilities, you haven't truly spent a moment with yourself finding fulfilling joy or relaxation. Yes, they can be compelling and very difficult habits within your routine to let go of, especially if you struggle to function without something occupying the back of your mind, but rest is extremely important to the creative process. If you like to scroll online a little bit or watch an episode of your comfort show after you get home to unwind, that's great. But in order to truly take advantage of your free time, try to optimize it by being intentional about the way you're experiencing it. Try not to fall into a routine of distraction because that isn't rest and it won't satisfy any of your needs.

Have you incorporated things into your routine that will contribute to your motivation to write? I don't mean you should put Stephen King quotes as your desktop screensaver or watch videos of people writing to make you want to participate. Those things help some people and that's great, but consuming things that make you think or bring you pleasure like books and well written movies or shows or music or podcasts can be just as impactful as anything else you do for your creative process. It's not just about what you do, it's about how others inspire you, and it's one thing to say you love books and reading and learning, and it's another to actually do them every day like you would wash your face or brush your teeth.

Whether you write as a hobby or an aspiration or a job, the creative process remains the same. It's important to remain consistent with the things you do to maintain your ability to write as much as it is to remain consistent with your actual writing routine. As a general rule of thumb, writer's block doesn't come from nowhere. If you want to alleviate it, you have to target the root of the problem or it will continue appearing on the surface. There is no one-size-fits-all cure to it and there are no "top ten wacky ways I solved years of executive dysfunction with the right chrome extension or tea flavor or candle scent or by typing upside down". This is internal work you will need to do, but it starts with trusting yourself. It is never too late to return to your passion. You will build it back up like a muscle, but you have to heal first.

I sincerely hope this helps,

Kate

–

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[night-dazai]

Hi there! How are you? Can I please request a romantic Fyodor x male! Angel! Reader fic? So reader is an angel... but the kicker? He's the most un-angelic angel ever.

Like, he has powers capable of eradicating the human race, but he'd rather use them to mess with people. Reader is an intelligent being with the curiosity of a scientist, finding joy in disrupting the controlled equilibrium that others (cough, Fyodor) strive to maintain. His energy is infectious, turning any environment into a playground for his whims and fancies. He also does not know anything about human culture or human intricacies. Like, (for example), reader will accidentally tickle Fyodor and be enthralled by the results because reader has never seen the phenomenon of being ticklish. Like, what do you mean if I poke you, you’ll laugh? Black magic, I say! Basically, he's an innocent smart dumbass that tries his best and is probably Nikolai's BFF. Fyodor loves him either way. I can also see Fyodor not having the guts to manipulate a literal angel considering that he is canonically very religious.

Fydor x Angel Reader (gender neutral )

Nothing but thoughts and normal funny day-to-day stuff. This request was such a good idea but the more I think about it I feel like I might want to write a freaking research paper on how power dynamics, control equilibrium and all work so I kept this kinda short .

“Please be quiet the two of you “ he said his voice laced with anger tiredness and sleep (which he would never accept ) . “Come on Fyda !” you whined as Nikolai joined you and it was not long before you 2 were kicked out of his office for disturbing him. 

It was not that your thoughts were wrong or they were not inhuman well you were but the mere fact that your thoughts were disturbing his whole life mission was the problem and you being a dumb angel was no help to the religious freak anaemic patient. 

Fyodor and Nikolai found you lifeless in one of the corner streets white feathers all around you and a book which vanished the moment Fydor tried to touch it . 

After carrying you home they were first “ i am dreaming ?” Fydor mumbled, “Maybe we did not sleep for 3 days right ?” Nikolai suggested for the first sound saying something that makes sense. 

They could not believe the fact that you were an angel well …” Angel but not angel ?” you said shly rubbing your neck “ i kinda am in my punishment for playing around with humans “ you said making your wings disappear while the 2 just kept listening and observing the sight before them. 

“Ok you an angel and you are in your punishment phase but why ?” Fydor asked after hours of you convincing and showing proof by telling them when people die . 

“Well you see , i don't like some ideas of humans, “ you said sitting up straight and sounding eager “What are they ?” “ well control, power over something. Like why ?” you said getting up and walking as you explained on how just stupid it was and if they wanted something from someone why not just manipulate them on spot get the job done and leave why hold on to it . 

You laos explained on how you tried to destroy that kind of dynamics and accidentally told all the incidents which Fydor had planned very carefully “ no wonder they failed, it was the ADA or PM it was him “ Nikolai burst out laughing pointing a finger at you . 

Looking confused you trun to Fydor and ask what his friend means when he explain all the time you had interacted in earth you were disturbing his plans “ ohh right well then why would you want to have that man under your control when you can kill his daughter and make him work for you for that day alone? “ you asked 

Soon small talk and self-introductions turned into a lengthy intellectual conversation where you and Fydor shared your opposing view . After hours you both came to a end where you would hang out with him and learn about earth while in return “ …” Fydor paused “ well what do you want ?” you asked turning your head slightly to the side “ i will ask later “ he stated.

But the fact of having strings on an angel , an actual real life (angles don't breath that's why you were found” lifeless”) angel was being stopped by his religious manner he would not want to “sin “ anymore would he ? no and so thus . 

You stay with them learning about the human world “ what without consuming these things you guys die ?” you asked starting at the table of food “ is this black magic ? os has the devil cursed you ?” you would ask.

“What's wrong “ you asked worried when you accidentally poked Nikolai in his tickle spot “ okay wait ! you guys laugh when i press certain places “ you said eyes sparkling with new information. 

“You guys do too much work , what is money anyway? earth gives you food and water why pay for it ? god made it for you right ?” all your silly questions were answered but the utmost patience by Fydor cause not all can see Angels only he could .

Being powerful was already to his head and the mere fact he was in contact with a out of human world made his ego rise higger than heaven if possible. Well you still learnt a lot of “ new” things about the world while you shared your opposing views of Fydor's ideas. 

This only leads the man to get both parties' perspectives and plans more accurately and in turn be more dangerous.

The only reason he has not made you "sin " or manipulate you was cause you were an angel " you should be happy you met me this way " he would say confusing your poor angel brain.

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

Introducing my jaytim fanfiction series Chained!

This is the largest writing project I have ever attempted! Currently (March 29th, 2024) it sits at a length of 153,000 words published and some back of the napkin math puts the final product in the ballpark of War and Peace’s 500,000+ words. halp lmao! This post is designed to serve as an introduction to what the story is about, what my Tim and Jason are gonna be like, and what parts of canon I’m sticking to

"So, what’s the premise ya dorkus malorkus?”

Jason is set in front of a contract that will grant near omnipotence over every facet of reality. The catch is that it requires the person who actually gains the power to be permanently bound into the service of someone else. Afraid of what this could do in the wrong hands, Jason asks Tim to be his new Master.

(a picture of Jason with the halo and armor the contract grants him that I drew :3 also, have a link to the fics!)

After many hours of intense negotiations (the entire first fic in the series), they produce a subcontract designed to maintain Jason's basic rights as a person while still granting them enough power to overcome whatever whatever caused the contract to be written in the first place. Now all that's left is to destroy the evidence, win the fight, and start remaking the world in their image...

Expect to read about: extensive theological discussions complete with readings of the Bhagavad Gita, shape shifting, hijinks, Harley Quinn being a menace to society really good therapist, redonkulous amounts of time travel and time loops, murders most foul, webs of lies and deceit as Oracle works to uncover their secrets, angst, fluff, hurt, comfort, and I’m gonna stop there before I overpromise myself, turn into a puddle, and never manage to finish the damn thing, lol

The draw of the premise for me is exploring the constant renegotiation of boundaries between Jason and Tim as they navigate a truly terrible idea of a romance. This is slow burn in that it takes them a really long time to get together properly due to the aforementioned terrible idea part, but they know they’re in love very early on.

“Lay out the dynamics there hoss”

I reserve the right to fuss with these, but my intention is:

Jason/Tim = the genius fragile human made of pure spite and determination and their sentient bodyguard/servant monster who they like lowkey have a thing with. Think Integra Hellsing and Alucard.

Barbara Gorden versus Tim Drake = genius versus genius 5D chess headgames war. Think L and Light with Jason as Ryuuk. But like if Light was into Ryuuk.

Tim/Jason versus [MAIN VILLAIN SPOILERS] = warring Gods. The source of a new mythology.

Honestly, just mark down Hellsing Ultimate and Death Note animes as major influences.

“What’s a folk gotta do ta get some headcanons and characterization in this joint?”

For Tim I’m going mainly with him in his Red Robin run where he finds Bruce, blows up the League of assassins and shit like that. I love how absolutely arrogant this man is, and I find the way he struggles with the ethics of the job really neat. This version of Tim seems perfect to act as the commander: always tempted to do more, tempted to go further into the dark with power, but also having a lot of self control and dedication to doing right.

In terms of personal headcannons I am making him trans (cause I can), ADHD/Autistic (because it makes sense), and a dabbler in mild, lowkey amphetamine abuse (The coffee chugger who never sleeps of fanon intrigues me, but also caffeine kinda doesn’t do that, whereas adderall definitely does. He’ll use both stimulants as available and needed. I like a man who knows he badly overworks himself but who can’t realistically say he shouldn’t be overworking himself.)

Jason is a much harder cat to herd because writers have long been playing tug of war with his characterization, dragging him over the line to unhinged villain then back to just another bat over and over. I always like Jason, but I think he’s at his weakest at both extremes of the spectrum. He’s a good villain/antagonist in general, but a phenomenal one when he has real goals and morals. He’s a good anti-hero/tenuous ally in general, but a phenomenal one when he and the family have serious disagreements and Jason is still a killer.

I’m keeping this fic as canon compliant as possible, but there is a bare minimum amount of rearrangement necessary to make Jason consistently morally grey rather than an ethical checkers board that looks grey when you turn it sideways and squint.

Headcanons for Jason include chronic pain (I just think being blown up should screw with a guy’s nerves), trans (cause I can), and having schizophrenia (cause I see some possible canon evidence and he’s had a LOT of ableist stuff thrown his way and I don’t really like ‘well I’m not actually mentally ill’ as a resolution point to that. I am leaving it ambiguous if this has anything to do with the Lazarus Pit, but I intend it to be very unambiguous that it has nothing to do with why he has beef with the rest of the bats. His grievances are not delusions. His moral positions are not delusions. He will hallucinate and I may have him develop delusions, but he’ll also take medication for that and employ coping mechanisms like real life people with schizophrenia do. The mental illnesses are something he deals with, not something that controls him into being evil, no matter their source.)

Oh and it should go without saying that everyone has so much PTSD!

“Cut ta the chase already jabrony, give us da timeline”

Crisis on Infinite Earths, Final Crisis, Infinite Crisis, Flashpoint, Convergence, and the Rebirth changes happened in this fic's canon. We are dealing with multiple multiverses. If you’re familiar with the concept of ‘Hypertime’ used to facilitate the Elseworlds series and elaborated on during the Dark Knights: Metal stuff, I’m building off of that. If you’re not, don’t worry about it, there will be a far better explanation in the fic as the characters discover this shit for themselves.

This takes place during the "Rebirth" era of DC comics canon in a fanfic universe I made up within that canon multiverse called Earth 69. Earth 69 is my idea of what the pre-flashpoint timeline might have looked like if flashpoint never happened. Essentially I'm taking the post crisis stuff and extending it by acting as though that timeline just kept going, with plot points from New 52 and Rebirth canon welded onto the end of it. Keep in mind though, Earth 69 only coincidentally mirrors pre-flashpoint events; that canonical pre-flashpoint multiverse still exists!

Now lets go through just Earth 69′s timeline, focusing on Tim and Jason

Based on the letter Jason sends to Kid Devil, I put the year of his death as 1985. Ten years have passed since then at the start of this fic, making Tim 23 and Jason 25. The influence of alien tech and supergeniouses accelerated cultural and scientific growth such that while the fic takes place in 1995, every bit of tech and culture from 1980 to 2024 is fair game to show up. I find it fun to play around with laser turret drones and microfiche spy tactics all in the same story, so our heroes listened to My Chemical Romance on their smartphones while watching the fall of the Berlin Wall on live TV.

Batman (1940) issues #419 - #429 aka Jason’s post-crisis Robin years happen almost identically to the comics, except that Jason is a trans man and it was the Penguin that got Willis Todd locked up for life and then killed instead of Two Face. Bruce eventually finds out he’s trans and is supportive if understandably clueless. He raises Jason as his son. It’s important to me that Jason’s beef with Batman not leave either side objectively correct. Their relationship and hurts are a lot more compelling to me if Bruce isn’t transphobic.

A Place of Lonely Dying and the Robin (1993) series happen with very few deviations, with the understanding that I've read less of this than would be ideal and might get some things mixed up as I go along. Those deviations include Tim also being a trans man. Because he was looking into transition care for Jason, Bruce already knows about puberty blockers and HRT and supplies them to him. That becomes a big part of why Tim’s Dad is so freaked out by Tim being Robin. In this timeline, one of the major reasons Tim is so attached to the role of Robin is that it’s the first role in his life where he gets to be himself.

Lost Days happens as it did in comics except for two changes. Firstly when Talia sleeps with him, it's not sex, it's fully clothed cuddling and actual sleeping. I think this compromise preserves the important emotional conflict that I identified in this reading of her motivations, while sidestepping some of the problems the sex caused. The second change is that Jason won't have ended Lost Days by going to talk to Hush...

Because I HATE Thomas Elliot as a character. I hate how he was implemented. I hate that he kept showing up. I hate that they killed off Harold. I hate Hush. So it never happened on Earth 69! Instead I'll be emphasizing Tim and Jason's later fights, which have some similar emotional beats.

Now, whether or not Jason held a knife to Tim’s throat is kinda fucking important to how their relationship is interpreted! Most people, understandably, make this a serious event between the two. However, in all the comics I’ve been reading, I have seen zero characters ever acknowledge that Jason was involved. Tim hasn’t thought or said anything about it, even when it really seemed relevant. Jason technically tells Batman he did it in UtRH, but it's never brought up again and at this point it feels almost like Judd Winick tricked DC into publishing a headcanon that applies nowhere else lmao. Therefore I feel fine with just ditching this and putting more emphasis on their later fights which have similar emotional beats.

Under the Red Hood happens, with one modification. He knows about Stephanie's death and treats it with the gravity she deserves. He is targeting Black Mask because of Steph's death, and something very similar to the excellent fanfic 'hangman is coming down from the gallows' by nex_et_nox happens.

Young Justice (1998) happens, except for some of the mythological encounters. They did watch Santa get blown up, but I will be taking liberties with how the Greek Pantheon operates, and holy fucking shit, no they did not meet the goddess Kali like that, what the fuck, did no one even try to do a basic level of cultural sensitivity research?!? Anyways.

Jason does fight Batman, Green Arrow, and Mia as told in Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72. Roy does hear about this, but he hears about it the way that Mia herself tells it when asked about it in the comic, i.e. “He didn’t hurt me. We just talked.” So he's not exactly all that freaked out about it.

Roy Harper and Jason first meet in Outsiders (2003) #44 - #46 where he helps Roy and Dick exonerate Black Lightning with no ulterior motives, as in the comics.

Teen Titans (2003) #29 (The Titans Tower fight) happens as it did in comics. i.e. It was a fair one on one fight in which both participants understood that the other was not trying to kill them and both combatants walked away with nothing more than superficial injuries. Tim came away from that with a black eye and a grudge; Jason came away from it thinking Tim was pretty alright in his book. The writing on the wall was either Jason’s own blood, or red paint, because there is simply no earthly way that was Tim’s blood.

Teen Titans (2003) in general happens to Tim, though there’s a lot that connects to Countdown to Final Crisis (which can only have happened in the canonical pre-flashpoint multiverse) that may or may not need to be edited and removed.

The combination of events from Countdown to Final Crisis and Teen Titans (2003) #47 also happens, in which Jason attempts to save Duela Dent from murder, fails, connects with Donna at her funeral, and then is interrogated by Tim and Dick who suspect Jason murdered her. Oh and also it's where Tim kicks him in the pants lol. Obviously the reason Duela died and who murdered her has to be different, but all that should be details that don't matter for the fic's purposes.

I've already mentioned that Robin (1993) was being considered canon to Earth 69′s timeline, but make special note here of issue #177, in which Tim sends Jason to jail (his first prison stint, yay :D). One modification here: Jason's plan is to manipulate the established mob families into fighting the cops, leaving the local communities to govern themselves, not to use "kid gangs" to soften up the cops and the mob like happens in the comic. Because like... the on panel plan makes no sense, either logistically or for his character, and idk why but the way the author uses the concept of “kid gangs” leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Nightwing (1996) #118 - #122 aka Brothers in Blood aka the one where Jason becomes a tentacle vore monster happens exactly as depicted in comics. Exactly. As. Depicted. Well okay not exactly, I need him to not have threatened to bomb a building full of innocent people, that is a bridge too far, but everything else stays!

The Red Robin series happens as depicted, except for how Tim got the costume. The Red Robin costume that Tim wears in the pre-flashpoint multiverse was from that multiverse’s Earth 51. On Earth 69 the Red Robin costume was what Bruce made for Jason in anticipation of him wanting to outgrow the Robin mantel one day, like Nightwing did (tho uhhh great job reframing why the Nightwing mantel exists there Bruce lmao). When Dick gave the Robin role to Damian, Tim took the Red Robin outfit for himself from it’s pedestal next to The Memorial Case. There was a considerable amount of spite towards multiple people involved in that decision.

Battle for the Cowl is where it gets trickier. I am going to gut most of the plot of BftC and combine a few plot elements from it with the Batman and Robin (2009) series in order to create a much longer lasting conflict that preserves Jason as an anti-hero and his partnership with Scarlet/Sasha as a competing vigilante force to Dick and Damian.

After Bruce’s “death” Dick super does not ever want to be Batman. No one does really. Jason hears Bruce's post-death message and is understandably fucking devastated. He decides to say fuck that noise, Bruce is gone now, and I'm gonna be Batman since no one else seems willing to do it, and I'm gonna do it my way! Another Batman running around shooting people dead forces Dick’s hand and he takes up the Batman mantel to fight him. Batman and Robin (2009) #3 - #6 happen roughly as depicted, but with Jason still claiming to be Batman, and he doesn’t have red hair. (I’m so sorry white suit + pill helmet costume, but I must leave you behind for the sake of continuity). Jason's stint in Arkham and then Blackgate happens. Batman and Robin (2009) #23 - #25 happen as depicted, minus the part where Jason rigged the entire fucking civilian tram line to explode. After Jason and Scarlet fly off into the sunset together, they come back to Gotham and keep fighting.

Sometime after he's free again he does Roy a favor. I haven't decided what exactly, but it's big. I’ve toyed with the idea that he broke him out of prison because he doesn’t want to see Liam grow up without a dad in a move very similar to the Outsiders thing and roughly analogous to how he meets Roy in Red Hood and the Outlaws (2011), but that seems a lil repetitive and why would Roy even be in jail, so idk.

By this point the events of Red Robin are over and Tim has joined Dick and Damian in fighting Jason. Sometime before the climactic battle, Scarlet leaves for [FANFIC SPOILERS] reasons, so it becomes just Jason again. He goes through with something like the plan from Battle for the Cowl, luring Tim to his Batcave and offering him a place as his Robin. As in comics, Tim's answer is to pick up a crowbar and wack Jason across the face with it! Jason wins the fight and stabs Tim in the chest, knowing it's not gonna kill him, but fine with it leaving one hell of a scar! Dick's fight with Jason afterwards, and Jason jumping from the train into the harbor, happens as it did in BftC #3 with the exception of Dick wearing the Batsuit instead of Tim.

Starfire contacts Roy for help with a lengthy, off planet mission - one that absolutely needs a Bat on board. Every single Bat is up to their eyeballs in fires to put out and projects to run... except for Jason. Roy knows a lot of other Heroes with very good reasons to hate him, but in his personal experience, Jason’s always been a reliable if shady and asshole-ish guy working for the greater good. Ya’know. A Bat. It helps that they both think Bruce treats Dick like garbage sometimes and thus are inclined to be sympathetic towards Jason's beef with him. Roy vouches for him and brings him on board. They work well together, they save the days in outer space, and after a particularly dangerous mission they have a "thank fuck we're not dead" threesome together. This replaces the New 52 version of Red Hood and the Outlaws.

During the trip back to Earth, Jason confides in them about his woes and they encourage him to sort his shit out and get his life back together. Jason agrees and after considering it for a while he asks Roy and Starfire to help negotiate a truce between him and the rest of the Bats. They agree and thus begins two years of ceasefire and getting more friendly with the other Bats.

During those two years, the events of Dark Knights: Metal occur. The Source Wall is broken, and all the peoples of all the earths are plunged into a nightmare world. No one really remembers what happened, it’s all very vague and drifty, like remembering a dream, unsurprisingly. People have been referring to this event as The Nightmares.

This two year period also contains my version of Rebirth Red Hood and the Outlaws. Jason attempts to infiltrate Black Mask’s gang because the real Black Mask should be super dead and super unwilling to work with him. He’s a LOT more competent about it than in comics tho.

The biggest change is what goes down with Cobblepot. Jason’s original intention was to fake the penguin’s death and take all his power and assets from him, as he did in comics. However, he loses Artemis and Bizzaro before he goes through with that plan instead of after. At the last minute he switches the blanks out for lead. The Penguin is super dead.

He fights back when Bruce confronts him, but it's still a brutal fight and ultimately Roy has to separate them. Then Jason follows his father’s trail to the experimentation prison thing like in comics. Roy doesn’t die along the way, we don’t have the scene with Bruce at the diner, but in the end it turns out that his father is actually dead. No one survived that place. He only found boxes of dusty, decaying files, a grave out back, and Dr. Fate. Once he was convinced there was nothing more to find, Dr. Fate took him to John Constantine and The Contract, and that’s just about where our story begins!

Have another link, and I hope some of y’all enjoy what I’ve got so far!

[femmefatalevibe]

how do you reconcile being a feminist, single, and a high-value woman? maybe I'm misunderstanding the concept but I always thought HVW and hypergamy were all very centered on seeking a male partner.

Hi love! Great question. I think your curiosity offers a great opportunity to dive a bit more into my personal views and philosophy.

I believe that the goal of feminism is to protect all women and provide them legal protection, structural resources, and social power to live equitably in society. In my eyes, a high-value woman is one who is unapologetically self-respecting and sets her life up in a way to allows her to work towards goals that meet her needs in all areas of life.

Hypergamy, by its modern definition, is the idea that women "date up" to intertwine their sexual relationships with men to those who offer more or equally high social, financial, or sexual capital to them. The traditional idea of hypergamy was exclusively referred to as "marrying up" as marriage was the only way women could achieve most resources (like a bank account, credit card, housing, and certain medical care – it's so terrifying, honestly).

In the latter case, hypergamy is nearly synonymous with centralizing men. Before women gained certain freedoms (in the U.S. this was mostly in the 1960-70s), centralizing men was a survival mechanism, not a preference or act of self-imposed oppression.

I believe in the modern world where women can have their own bank accounts, careers, and access to birth control (the latter one is an anxiety-inducing topic at this point in time, ugh), women are given the choice to be hypergamous either while centralizing or decentralizing men.

I believe that you can uphold hypergamous standards in your dating life without centralizing men in your life. For me, personally, my relationship or dating status has no bearing on how happy or successful I am in my life. No man (or lack of one in my life) will ever determine my self-worth or reflect my progress in life. My metrics of fulfillment and accomplishment stem from thriving in my professional life, staying in good health, practicing consistently healthy habits (WFPB diet, regular exercise, mental health hygiene, sexual wellness, mindfulness, self-care, etc.), and maintaining nourishing friendships. Dating and my interactions with men (in non-platonic ways) are fun ways I enrich my life, so I believe this mentality embodies the modern – albeit hyper-progressive – definition of hypergamy. Remaining single allows me to enjoy all of the ways men can uplevel my life – socially, financially (to the degree some nighttime activities, such as dinners, drinks, car services, club fees, etc. are paid for – no sugaring activities or anything), and sexually without the aspects of dating men that would contradict my sense of self-respect or autonomy. I'm not personally designed to be a man's therapist or feel like I should have to include a man's needs in all of my life or day-to-day decisions because we're sexually involved with each other. I have a strict vetting process regarding who I will entertain in my dating/sexual life to ensure they're adding value to my life and there's mutual compatibility considering the type of arrangement we're both seeking.

Personally, I believe the only way to maintain equity in dating is to remain single, which allows me to meet all of my other standards in life. I will never sacrifice my life goals for a man, but I do not believe that means you have to approach dating or sexual relationships from a black-and-white perspective. However, if I'm going to date men (which can be a headache for certain), I believe they need to enrich my life in some way – whether that's interesting conversations, gaining business acumen, social relationships, fun sexual experiences, or just learning about different cultures/world perspectives.

From my observations, women who use hypergamy as an excuse to centralize their life or aspirations around a man are glamorizing regressive/oppressive ideologies (like submitting to a partner or relying on men financially) as a last attempt to uphold the patriarchy as women wake up to the fact that having to do all of society's emotional labor plus having to contort ourselves in a world designed for men, namely in our professional lives, is not the truest form of feminism out there (not to mention it's lack of intersectionality, but that's a whole other rant lol). I don't use the "hypergamy" tag on my posts anymore for this reason, though. I believe that many people are conflating the textbook concept of hypergamy with regressive political agendas, which I will never promote let alone subscribe to.

This is all just my take, so I hope it all makes sense and resonates with some members of this amazing community. Every woman should figure out what approaches to all of these matters would make her the most genuinely happy and fulfilled regardless of society's expectations or cultural norms.

Sending love xx

[donniesexceptionalmind]

If I think I may have autism, do you have any idea how I would know?

I don’t want to bring it up to my parents because they’ll likely just shoot it down, coming up with reasons I don’t.

they’re good parents, but they don’t hear me out sometimes.

but what are some of the main, like… symptoms…? ( not trying to be rude)

Greetings, Anon!

"Knowing" whether you're autistic or not depends on how much research you do (self-diagnosis is valid) or if you get an assessment by a professional.

The Autism Spectrum is still misunderstood in society & also by professionals. It's truly necessary that we autistic people advocate for ourselves & that we share our experiences!

Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition, so you are born with it.

The two core symptom cluster, according to the DSM-5, are:

Persistent deficits in social communication & social interaction across multiple contexts: social-emotional reciprocation; non-verbal communication; developing, maintaining & understanding relationships

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history: stimming, persistence in routines & sameness, deep interests (special interests), hypo- or hypersensitivity to sensory input

A non-exhaustive list of my traits:

I don't really understand tone, sarcasm, jokes - basically, I'm a very literal thinker, though I enjoy being sarcastic myself & I did learn some idioms & phrases - time is a great teacher

People would say I have a very fun way of speaking, saying things aloud like: GASP, ANNOYED SIGH, ... which are things you'd usually just... do. But these are kind of my verbal tone tags (I love tone tags in general)

I'm as blunt as it can get, which can make people uncomfortable - I say what I think. I don't feel the necessity in camouflaging & I honestly think it's dumb to do so - it is never meant to hurt someone?

I usually don't want to converse with people & I'd rather spend my days 24/7 in my lab. Social interactions are tiring & often very boring if I'm not interested in the topics (which can be seen as egocentric or arrogant, but I am truly not)

I feel overwhelmed in crowded places. There is too much going on & it's not structured at all - I might have to spend hours or days recharging: alone in my lab, sleeping & stimming - autistic burnout is real

I don't understand relationships at all: e.g. How do you define friendship? What is expected of me?

I'm deeply & deliberately analytical & my decision-making process is methodical rather than efficient (no considering 'gut feelings' of mental shortcuts, as well as pushing feelings aside)

Processing a situation takes more time & energy: bottom-up thinking (allistic people process things in a top-down way)

I have trouble understanding body language & social cues: identifying them is not intuitive for me, I've had to learn a lot... & I still don't pick them up

I also question social norms & rules - most of the time, they seem so arbitrary & unfair to me. But I have learned some, of course - though I don't feel the need to put any energy in it

I have trouble sharing my feelings & showing cognitive empathy (understanding why someone feels something), I am often seen as emotionally 'immature' or arrogant/ not caring when in fact I do, I just don't know how to show it

I have trouble with tone - I can be very cold or too expressive, too loud or too quiet for others, but I don't see it or hear it

Control is my main tool of coping, whether it be what I eat, the order in which my things are placed, my food, ... routine & structure is life! If I don't have control, I will fall apart

I need to know exactly what to expect before I enter an unfamiliar situation or location

I'm hypersensitive to sensory input, especially sound, touch, taste...

I STIM ALL THE TIME.

I experience Meltdowns & Shutdowns from sensory overstimulation & too much socializing, as well as inconsistencies in my schedule

Stress, Meltdowns & Shutdowns can cause me to lose my ability to speak for a certain amount of time

My special interests: Jupiter Jim, Technology, Astrophysics, Quantum Physics... I could think about them all the time & I sometimes forget I am alive - my wonderful ability to hyperfocus

My interoception is bad: I have trouble identifying bodily cues, such as thirst or hunger, as well as needing to sleep or taking care of myself; I'm also a bit hyposensitive to pain

My bad boy image is my mask to camouflage my struggles

...

If you desire to do more research, which I would advice you to, here are some tips:

Please avoid Autism Speaks. !!!!!!!

Get to know the autistic community & get in touch with us, share your experiences, ask us... here on tumblr, I'd recommend checking @my-autism-adhd-blog out. They're doing a great job of sharing information about autism & related neurodivergencies. There are also great creators on Instagram & TikTok too.

The website 'Embrace Autism' is a good source for self-assesments & information

I also recommend: Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Prince, as well as the 'Neurodivergent friendly Workbook of DBT Skills' & basically any other piece of literature written by autistic people

If you're into that: some scientific papers about neurodiversity are great too, especially when centered around masking, camouflaging & mental health - but you have to find the good ones (the ones that are neurodivergent positive) - personally, I enjoy reading papers because of their logical & methodical writing & format, it doesn't matter if they're about some cool space data, quantum physics or psychology - statistics are amazing

Thank you for the inbox & I hope I was able to help you out! ✨️

Please don't refrain from asking if you want more input!

[mxdarling]

[Yandere type]

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

ೃ⁀➷: summary: vil's yandere type.

ೃ⁀➷: Word count: 501

ೃ⁀➷: Reference/Inspiration: N/A

[note:] If there is anything else triggering here that I didn’t list in the warnings section, please tell me. I don’t condone this type of behavior, this is merely just for entertaining purposes and some sort of coping mechanism for me. If you continue to read beyond this point, ignoring my warnings, I am not responsible for your actions from here on out.

[Warnings:] manipulation, obsessive behavior, worshipping behavior, yandere behavior, mentions of insecurities, mentions of confusing love for obsession, gaslighting, emotional abuse, hurting reader self-esteem.

[GN reader]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :Vil Schoenheit;

✉ - [Obsessive, Controlling, Worshipper type.]

➮ VIL SCHOENHEIT as a yandere is... hard to interpret... I'd like to think that even though he is a worshipper, he's not gonna be the type to bow down at your feet and start worshipping you. No, he's the type to wake you up in the morning with a healthy breakfast to help restore and/or maintain your health. Praises will be a common occurrence but not to a point where it gets overbearing and god forbid he hears you ever be insecure about yourself. He'll go into a long ass lecture about how you shouldn't be insecure about yourself. Isn't that so sweet of him?

➮ When I say when he's obsessed with you, I mean all of you. From your hair, down to your toes. It's almost unbelievable with how much he's obsessed with you. Poor Vil, he really thinks he's big obsession with you is true love when really it isn't. He's love is so much darker but Vil is too for down in the rabbit hole that not even you could help him. He's just so in love with you that by the time the idea of you leaving this world and returning to your world is implanted in his mind, he just couldn't. He couldn't let you leave!! He loved you!! He loved you too much for you to leave. So he decided to try and win your heart and hopefully convince you to stay and be happy with him.

➮ While he is soft on you, he is still very much strict. From what you wear, from what you eat, from what you say. It's a little overbearing with how much he chooses for you. You barely have any decision making in this, he always insists that he knows what's best for you and he should do it for you. Whenever you try to ask Vil to let you decide on your own he always has an excuse on why he can't let you decide on your own. Examples of excuses he comes is, "Making decisions involves thinking, I can't let you be stressed over making some silly decision", "You don't know what's best for you, I know what's best for you. So let me handle this." Either way your not gonna win against him.

➮ To mix in with his absolute obsession with you and his need to make decisions for you, is his habit of worshipping you. While it's not obvious like other yandere worshippers, it isn't that subtle either. He sprinkles in some praises for you but never enough where you actually gain confidence in yourself. Just like how he's good with praises, he's also good in insults. He can and will hurt your self-esteem if you try to turn your back on him and trust me he knows where to throw his insults at. He'll hit all those weak spots of yours to get you in a sobbing mess and maybe just make you forget that silly notion of yours about you leaving him.

•❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅• •❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅•

[a/n; May or may not have gotten overboard with these one, haha...]

[likeabxrdinflight]

Because it's holy week and easter is upon us, I kind of want to talk more about that story and what I think is the historical context that people really ought to understand about it. Because I think it's too easy to forget who the historical Jesus likely was and where he came from.

(this got so long and I'm not sorry)

I'm going to start off by saying this is coming from an ex-catholic who no longer believes in the divinity of Jesus. I'm only interested in the historical figure, who I believe was a man and only a man. I am, however, operating under the assumption that he and the key characters surrounding him did actually exist (this is the predominant historical view and so unless convincingly refuted, this is what I'm going with.)

So the historical and sociocultural context of the figure that is Jesus is that of Second Temple Judaism in the Roman-occupied land once known as Judea. This context matters because without these circumstances, there is no Jesus or anyone like him.

Now Second Temple Judaism was slightly different from the Rabbinical Judaism that exists today, because Second Temple Judaism was focused on just that- the Temple. This Temple was grand and beautiful, and was the center of Jewish worship in Jerusalem. But the Temple existed in a city controlled by Rome.

Now Rome took a somewhat...quid pro quo approach to its conquest. The Roman powers allowed the Jews to live and practice their faith and culture, but it was with the understanding that they not challenge Roman rule. Rome would assign a prefect to govern the area (enter Pontius Pilate), but Jewish authorities were allowed to maintain their roles as well- think figures like Herod Antipas, who governed Galilee, and the High Priests of Jerusalem. They were allowed to govern Jewish law and life, but it was with the understanding that at the end of the day, they were still answerable to Roman authority. As such, these figures tended to be more sympathetic to Rome, or at the very least, deferential to it. I'm certain they were not a hivemind and there were likely vastly differing opinions among them, but as a general rule, the Roman authorities were more likely to tolerate Jewish authority figures who at the bare minimum tolerated the occupation in return.

That, however, did not mean that the Jewish people did. And this is where figures like Jesus come in. Now, what we know about Jesus is limited, and most of it is coming from the most obviously biased sources in existence- the gospels. But if we take the gospels as at least possessing some elements of the true history, we can do some extrapolating. So during the Second Temple period, there were multiple schools of Jewish thought. There were the Sadducees, who favored Hellenization, the Pharisees, who resisted it (and later became the foundation for Rabbinic Judaism), the Zealots, which was largely a political movement aimed at freeing Judea from Roman occupation, and the Essenes, who were a mystic and fairly apocalyptic sect. Jesus probably started off as an Essene, or at the very least, he was heavily influenced by them. John the Baptist likely was as well.

I mean, let me describe some aspects of Essene practices and theology for a moment: they valued service to others and refused to own slaves, their priests were often celibate, they led communal lives, were quite peaceful and non-violent (only carrying weapons for self-defense), did not approve of expressions of anger, and believed in a coming apocalypse. So while there's no hard evidence that Jesus was ever an Essene...you can see the connection.

Notably, the Essenes believed that at the time of the apocalypse, God would establish a new Kingdom on Earth, in which evil (which was likely thought to be Rome and those who support it) would be vanquished and good restored. This was likely the foundation for Jesus' ideas about "the Kingdom of Heaven" as recorded in the gospels. Apocalyptic thinking in this time was a response to Roman occupation, those in power who enabled it, and the long history of conquest and oppression of the Jewish people in that region. You cannot separate Jesus' specific brand of apocalyptic thought from this very specific, very Jewish context.

Now, I don't think Jesus stayed purely an Essene, if he ever really was one (they had a long initiation process so it's entirely possible he never went through that formally). But I suspect that when he began his own ministry in Galilee, the faction that ended up following him was something of an offshoot of the Essenes that incorporated other Jews from other schools of thought (i.e., Simon the Zealot).

What exactly Jesus' followers believed and thought about him in the moment (never mind what Jesus thought about himself,) is likely lost to history. The only sources we have on the man and his followers come from several decades after his death. Some might have considered him a wise man and teacher. Some might have seen him as a mystic, or a healer. Others might have considered him a prophet. But I think it's undeniable that at least some believed him to be the Messiah.

And then Pilate crucifies him.

I can't imagine the trauma of watching a man you believed to be wise, and good, and holy, and possibly the Messiah of your entire people, be murdered in such a cruel and inhuman way. I can't imagine what that does to a person, and I can't imagine how specifically traumatizing witnessing or even hearing about a crucifixion must have been. This was one of the most brutal punishments ever created. It was psychologically torturous to the people the Romans occupied, and it was designed to be this way on purpose. The cruelty was very much the point, as it kept dissenters in line and scared the people into submission. It was so effective that Roman citizens themselves were not allowed to be crucified. Romans didn't talk about crucifixion, it was something so unspeakably horrific that the only way to tolerate its existence was to turn a blind eye and dehumanize the victims.

My point being, and I'll be bold enough to say this- I don't think Jesus ever rose from the dead. But I do suspect that stories about resurrection began to spread as a way of coping with this horrific trauma. Who knows how such stories began- perhaps those closest to Jesus developed hallucinations, or perhaps believed they saw an apparition of him, or someone they mistook as him- there's no way to know. It's possible it was all a lie meant to keep the message alive even when the man was dead. But who could blame them, after something like that? So the stories spread, and they must have given people who'd followed Jesus hope, and something to believe in. If Jesus didn't die after all, and he was still with them, then there was still hope that the Kingdom of Heaven would indeed come to pass- and the horror of Roman occupation would end. The Temple would be free and Jerusalem would once again belong solely to the Jews.

So the Jesus Movement continued to exist, and the message of Jesus continued to spread within the Jewish world- and it got a pretty wide reach throughout the Mediterranean. It is during this period that Paul's letters are written (y'all know Paul). Notably, Paul, who was himself Jewish and likely a former Zealot, documents some of the disagreements among the Jesus followers of the day. Most importantly, I think, is a significant disagreement he has with Peter, in which Paul advocated that Gentiles should be allowed to receive the message of Jesus without needing to convert to Judaism and be circumcised. Peter disagreed, and because Peter was...well, Peter, and had more authority within the movement, it's thought that in this period, most (but certainly not all) followers of Jesus were still Jews.

(like Peter I also have beef with Paul but that's another post).

...and then Peter and Paul are killed. And not 40 years after the crucifixion, the Temple is burned down by Rome after a Jewish revolt in 70 AD. And everything changes. The Essenes, Zealots, and Sadducees all disappear from the historical record following the destruction of the Temple. The Pharisees adopt a different approach to Judaism that is less centered around the Temple and more focused on the study of the Torah, which becomes Rabbinical Judaism. They had never believed Jesus (or anyone else from the Second Temple Period) to have been the Messiah, and why would they? Why would they ever listen to the followers of this one guy who got himself killed 40 years ago? Especially after the Temple burned. The idea that this guy was still the Messiah, no really we promise, would have sounded like total nonsense.

Meanwhile, the followers of Jesus begin to turn away from Judaism entirely. If Jesus really is the Messiah, then his message can't have been so specific to Judaism. It can't have been about the fall of Rome and a re-establishment of God's Kingdom on Earth. Look what just happened to the Temple. So they start evolving into what we know today as Christians, with Jesus positioned as a different kind of savior. So the two groups- no longer Pharisees and Jesus followers, but now Jews and Christians- splinter.

Paul's thoughts begin to dominate, Gentiles are incorporated more into the faith, and Christian practices begin to deviate more and more sharply from their Jewish origins. Different branches of Christianity develop, with significantly different ideas about who Jesus was and what he meant. This, notably, is the period in which the gospels are written, including the non-canonical ones. There are still some Jewish Jesus followers, but as time goes on, they too disappear from the historical record (and no, messianic "judaism" does not count, that's a modern invention). Eventually, it is only the Pauline version of Christianity that survives, which is the Christianity we know today (yes that includes all denominations thereof).

So a figure who started off as a Jew, teaching to Jews and speaking in a Jewish context about Jewish occupation and intra-Jewish theological conflicts, becomes the God of a group of Gentiles.

Primary source: From Jesus to Christ: The First Christians

[tolkien-feels]

(I am deeply, deeply sorry for this wall of text lmao)

So the thing about why people don’t like Thingol (and I promise I’m engaging in good faith because iirc you said you really wanted to know) is actually kind of the same thing about Denethor: it matters how you treat people when you’re at a low point.

What I mean by this is that both Thingol and Denethor get defended by people who act as if it’s perfectly understandable for them to be in a bad mood/tired/stressed/etc and then say rude and insensitive things or get into arguments where the power imbalance allows them to behave however they like, and then argue that they’ve just spoken in anger or they’ve behaved in an uncharacteristic way because of their bad mood or ignorance or what have you. I’ve never really understood that, because how you treat people when you’re at your worst is, to me, indicative of the true quality of your character? If you care enough about being compassionate and being a fair and just ruler, you’ll self-regulate and maintain self-control and you won’t snap or say things you don’t mean.

And the books seem to support this - Théoden and Aragorn and and Éomer and Imrahil don’t behave as Denethor does, and Nolofinwë and Findaráto and Maitimo and Turukáno don’t behave as Thingol does. (Maitimo might do some war crimes and Findaráto might do some colonialism, but they’re not openly racist or xenophobic and they never possibly-maybe allowed a political rival to die so that their claim to kingship would be unchallenged, see Denethor of the Laiquendi) They’re all very different people, and all under immense amounts of stress in varying ways for long periods of time, and none of them respond to being pushed past their limit by becoming hostile to those around them.

As a result, the question of why those two people behave the way they do becomes relevant, and examining their further actions doesn’t actually give any purely textual proof that they’re altruistic, otherwise kind, genuinely compassionate people. Thingol names Dior as his heir but isn’t exactly going to visit his human relatives, and he doesn’t protect Túrin from the ableist and xenophobic microaggressions that are a constant in Doriath. Denethor never participates in the morale-building that Imrahil dedicates himself to during the Siege, and it’s Imrahil who leads his own personal guard to rescue Faramir (It’s theorized by characters in the text that Denethor authorized this but never explicitly confirmed). What’s in the story is just as likely to point to their lowest point being indicative of their true selves as it is to point to anything else. There’s certainly room to interpret them as “complex” in a way that means “actual good people who make various mistakes for understandable reasons”, but it’s much more of an interpretation than the objective clearly obvious canon.

Basically I think that how you see these people is entirely dependent on if you think that the idea of being “not yourself” when you’re stressed is legitimate - if you do, then using someone’s lowest points as proof of who they are is unfair, and if you don’t, then those same points are the places where they’re the most honest with themselves and the audience.

(For context, anon is answering this post)

Putting my reply under a cut just for the sake of length

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this, and I would agree with a lot of what you're saying. I am making no claim that Thingol is a role model, and I'm not sure I would particularly want to spend much time with him, because a lot of his bad qualities which you've mentioned are things I can't really stand in people irl (ditto for Denethor. Ditto even for Feanor, who I love to death!)

Also, as a matter of fact, I also don't think Thingol's bad behavior is restricted to Leithian, not by any means! There it's just clearest, and this story is probably the most famous.

My point, though (which in retrospect I didn't make super clear) is that I don't think a lot of Silm fans specifically go for characters who are unquestionably good, likable heroes. Like, in the top 10 most used character tags on ao3 (not that I use ao3, but it's convenient for data) we have Feanor, Sauron, Celegorm, Morgoth - not people I think you can look at and say "Oh yes, definitely people who are both good and likable!" (And I would argue the same of absolute fandom favorite Maedhros, but that's more YMMV)

The take I see most often wrt to Thingol, though, is not even "A complex asshole" (which I would be fine with), but rather "Not complex enough to be interesting" which is what I find frustrating. I find him one of the most complex people canon has to offer without needing a pile of "not canon but not contradicted by canon" headcanons.

And again, I don't think everybody should like my faves, and Thingol is not one of my faves anyway, but I wish he was not reduced to one-dimensional personification of That Guy you roll your eyes all the time at. Because whether you see him as ultimately noble or ultimately horrible, either way he does canonically have many dimensions!

I don't feel like I'm making any sense but my brain is mush today so that's as eloquent as I can be right now, sorry. But yeah, I don't think Thingol is necessarily a great guy, but I do think he is a very layered guy and while I don't particularly care whether he's appreciated as a person, I wish he was better appreciated as a well-written character, if that makes sense

[lifepoast]

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ nichijou ☾ ﾟ｡⋆₊ ⊹

i finished nichijou today. it was the perfect watch for my life right now. i'm very busy, lonely and am not enjoying everyday things. i'm in the process of moving out of an apartment i have loved so much for 2 years, and i'm doing it alone because my roommate is out of town until well after our move-in date.

i'm very sensitive to the idea of serendipity and things coming to my life for a reason, even (or especially) little things like an anime from 2011. what are the chances a random piece of media falls into my lap and resonates deeply at the exact moment—and in the exact way—that i needed it to?! in truth the actual miracle is that no matter what i watch or read, my desire to connect with something outside of myself is so strong that it's like i can do it to anything in my path. and in further truth it's not actually a miracle at all, because this is to say nothing of all the other pieces i watch and read in the interim and fail to finish because they don't resonate. (i have tried to pick up many books since my last and have put them all back down—sir gawain and the green knight, crime and punishment, perfect spy...). of course it's more likely i will have resonated with something that i liked enough to bother seeing it through to the end in the first place. i know that, and yet it all feels so miraculous anyway. that must be the thesis of nichijou rubbing off on me—that "our ordinary life that passes us day by day may actually be a series of wonderful miracles." ୧ ‧₊˚ 🎐 ⋅

what i love the most about this—about nichijou—is its suggestion that satire and comedy can be compassionate. sometimes i think this doesn't occur to people at all. in the toolbox of things that can make a great satire, compassion is overlooked in lieu of tools that can be more construed as weapons: bite, caricature, sarcasm. many would argue satirical intentions are noble. the work of satire is done so that its author may ask something good of its audience: to be more discerning, to put certain illogical behaviours away, to recognise things for what they 'are' with fresh eyes. so is nichijou even satire? i think so. i at least think it uses the ethnographic methodology of satire (highlighting and exaggerating mundane blind spots), only to ask its audience of something different, for once: not ridicule nor criticism, but gratitude and tenderness.

if i imagine vividly enough, stay lucid and self-aware enough, and stay optimistic enough to forbid disaster from ending my narrative, anything that happens in my day-to-day could be reinterpreted into oblivion until it becomes a ridiculous, overblown, dramatically and situationally ironic nichijou skit. and like in nichijou, i could fashion any little thing into a miracle. but to do this faithfully to the series' mechanics, i would have to let go of self-consciousness and control. nichijou wouldn't be nearly as fun to watch if its characters reacted by letting the insane, illogical world they inhabit beat them into submission—if they resisted the narrative's push to treat every little thing in life with equal weight. through everything they maintain their sincerity, and tend to their friendships, and they hold fast to their ridiculous plans and ideas, and everyone and everything around them is all the better for it—not least of all the show's humour.

but i guess nichijou made me emotional today because it made me reflect on my days in high school. it shocked me to realise that what few meaningful and lasting memories i have of it are entirely confined within the friendship i had with my two best friends, no one else. even though they probably know that, i wonder what they would feel if i said it to them. how else to phrase it? you were my life. you are my frame of reference when i watch bittersweet tv shows about being a high schooler. when the tv shows go for the low-hanging fruit, when they reach for my nostalgia and ask, "don't you miss this?" i think of you—which is another way of saying, i say "yes." i haven't talked to either of them in a very long time now.

the three of us were so in tune, so similar, it felt like our personal faults were contagious. we felt like a three-way mirror. and i think in front of a mirror, we are all are afraid to be sincere, and to let go of self-consciousness, and control. so when we were in high school together, we let the chaos around us make us obsessed with those things, and that was a logical response, because we simply didn’t know how much better we could have made things for ourselves. how could we have?! we were so preoccupied with avoiding being “cringe,” otaku shit like nichijou and the lessons they wrought were off-limits!!

━━━━━━━ ˖°˖ ☾☆☽ ˖°˖ ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[kiefbowl]

I have a low quality of attraction to women, it is very weak, I tried for years to "unpack" and "work on" making it stronger but it is not something you can do. does that mean I am a faker and a "spicy straight" who doesn't belong, and that I deserve to be mocked, derided, and treated like shit? because I can't make my SSA magically get stronger by "unpacking internalized homophobia"? I can't change the strength of my desires, it's not something I have control over. Of course it is innate! If it wasn't, I would have experiences like women who do have a stronger innate attraction. but I do not relate at all to women who have a stronger innate attraction to other women, even ones who struggle with internalized homophobia. I think you are making lots of assumptions about what the experience of women like me is actually like. I feel like you think we aren't real and don't exist. I think the kinsey scale is extremely useful because it describes accurately my low level of BOTH quality and quantity of attraction to women.

Okay, so I think this is a good example of why tumblr can be a poor exchange of ideas because people usually only see the most recent posts made about a conversation and have no indication of what kicked off, especially if it was hours ago. So, let me use this ask to just coalesce all the thoughts in one place.

What I've said is that I'm not convinced that people are describing something innate when people express bisexuality with any preferences to one sex or the other. That is not a value judgement. I'm speaking to the fact that external factors influencing their experiences seems a much more viable explanation. I've also detailed my very long held critical view of the Kinsey scale, and have made concessions every time I've mentioned it that someone might find it useful to describe their own experiences, while also detailing that it can be leveraged in ways for people to not come to terms with their innate sexuality. I would hope when saying that, we can recognize I'm talking to the fact that we are living in a homophobic society (which is an external factor, not an internal factor), so it's reasonable to understand that both gay people and bisexual people might have trouble fully accepting their orientation in a variety of ways. Additionally, bisexual people can be homophobic while recognizing they're bisexual, so when a bisexual person expresses more preferences for the other sex rather than the same sex, how can we be sure they're expressing a internal, innate, unchangeable, biological expression of sexuality and not be sure that they're homophobia is affecting that perception of preference?

However, with all this said, my criticisms of the Kinsey scale have little to do with how people use it, and more to do that it's not meaningfully measuring anything. The only thing it "measures" is how people are willing to identify themselves against it when presented with it. That's not scientific, or mathematically relevant, or provides any insight to the data collected by Kinsey. I believe that Kinsey only used it to collect data, by having people self identify on it when researching (which is fine), however as it stands on it's own and as it's very popularly used and referred to today, it's not anything but a self-identifying tool. If you want to use it to self identify yourself with a value, as I've always maintained, that's for you to decide. It's definitely leveraged in pop-queer theory irresponsibly and inaccurately, along with other things like the "split attraction model" which you can see the Kinsey scale's influence. Again, and maybe I'm wrong, I don't think Kinsey designed it for public use, it was just designed for his data collection purposes, which without a data collection study becomes, like I've said, just a self identifying tool by it's own metrics.

When it comes to how YOU, specifically YOU as an individual, I'm not interested in arguing about your orientation, and I never will be. It's rude to think anyone can be more of an expert in someone's else internal life than that person. If you believe your sexual preferences are innate, I obviously can't convince you otherwise. And I never will try directly. I feel entitled to speak on bisexuality because I'm bisexual, but if you think I'm wrong then we agree to disagree. I think orientation is innate, and describes which sex you're capable to be attracted to in relation to your own sex. I don't think anyone can be divorced from their culture or upbringing, which is going to impact how you approach sex and relationships. Ultimately though, when it comes to the sex and relationships you want to have, you can't be wrong for pursuing healthy, satisfying, mutually beneficial love. It doesn't matter to me if external factors are affecting your decisions, because you're allowed to pursue sex with the people you desire. Of course external factors are going to affect your decisions. External factors effect all of us, regardless of our orientation. That doesn't make your choices invalid, like I said this is not a value statement on how you choose to pursue sex and relationships. I'm observing that self identifying a preference as a bisexual is not more convincing as an innate, biological experience rather than be influenced by external factors.

I hope that provides clarity to anything I believe. I'm willing to take more questions about this, if people want.

[minipisi-is-dumb]

alright so. tails and eggman are the only two characters that are canonically gifted/ND in the sonic universe but they're Really interesting ways to see how others perception of gifted people is like and how it impacts the silly furry story i am the normalest about it btw not like you care

so i just have other observations abt it because it's funny mainly eggman rn ive been thinking abt him a lot

this is also a long post and im not even a fraction done ok ive issues

(also abt this im talking about canon not coding and Oh Boy do i have words for sonic and shadow as gifted-coded and how much the narrative of just being born "gifted" compared to others or the entire Literally being made For This is used in fiction but im not. gonna talk about it. not today. soon.)

look i like to compare eggman and tails a lot bc they're fundamentally parallel between each other and their relationship w sonic n all that jazz that we know but LISTEN!!!

eggman has been diagnosed very obviously for plenty of years already and since it's very usual for people to be prejudiced against it i actually find interesting that he is so so self absorbed into his genius persona and being more invested into keeping that idea on others mind.

so okay listen words are funny. giftedness is a way of asynchronous development in the brain where some parts develop "quicker" than others (compared to most brains) and is not exactly fun all the time

a good analogy i like is about "mental age" (which was acc a predecessor of the idea of IQ!) where you have people who are chronologically, say, 12 years old, but their emotional regulation is alike to an 8 year old but ALSO their intellectual needs are the ones of a 19 year old. yeah. it gets like that.

so a lot of time in children it's the classic (super harmful) "hypermature" mentality that sees them and keeps them in that pedestal (yes this has to do w sonic still) and adults are usually seen as less mature than their peers, more child-like and less apt to be actually functional people in everyday live n that causes issues because part of the giftedness of it all is that the creativity and child-like wonder is a fundamental part of how our brain is wired wether we like it or not. so that "childish" part is always seens as less from the outside and DUDE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I ADORE EGGMAN

LISTEN TO ME eggman is textbook evil villain for kids entertainment franchise and also good foil for sonic and tails mainly Oh no we're not just talking abt that we're talking about symptoms here and i LOVE how some of them is clear he learned to accept and live with and others not

actually Eggman's got to be one of the coolest depictions of an evil gifted man istg. the man might be an evil mastermind n probably has killed so much people that lily orchid would cry in her sleep abt it and he's also hyperfixated on killing a funny blue furry but look he knows what he is and he OWNS it

Oh, the prejudice is that gifted adults are too childish? Too creative for their own good? Too self centered? Jokes on THEM Eggman just created 5 new badnik models based on the same worm and they all look sick also did you see Eggman's logo plastered everywhere like a kid putting stickers in every place they can???? YEAH

Oh the prejudice says that gifted adults need to be overachievers and have a million accomplishments to be validated? suck to be you because sure eggman has his doctorates hanging around but he really just has an elevated ego. he would call himself genius for making a coffee at the temperature he likes, he would call himself genius because of internalized shit but also he would just. let himself be. if anything he's not thinking about being or not a genius for himself, he's more focused on maintaining that mythos for his enemies so that he feels some sort of power (ah yes chronic need of control my beloved)

listen the ways funny brains ar wired make it so that there's an illusion of omnipotence through the sheer power of will. that "childish" part is so so fundamental because it comes back up even if repressed every time there's threat. every time a basis on any self perception is perceived, a "child-like" attitude is taken and everything is blamed on someone else or is reflected in a need of over protection, control and blaming others for any situation. you guys can see how this relates to Eggman or have i finally lost it

also that one cool af detail where he blames his frustration everything back to an outsider force uh listen im joking here but im very much sure that Eggman's gotta be one of the funniest depictions of a gifted adult that feels so. Yeah i can see where he's coming that's kinda what i mean.

uhhhh i have so many more thoughts but it's too long and also words are hilarious and also shut UP i just like Eggman as the funniest gifted man ever bc he just shows so many symptoms and plausible ways his ND affects his life. it's clear that they just wanted to parody the idea of an evil mastermind being annoyed by children when the games started and therefore gave him both the 300 is thing and the immature behavior to like mock him n such. but literally shut up i can do whatever i want i can take characters however i want and he is canonically ND so ill hold him to that standard anyways

[cryptidiopathic]

My partner and I have been talking about the possibility of children more seriously (not now but in the next few years). He bought me a tarot deck and we were doing readings. I don't believe in divination in the sense of predicting an unchangeable future, but I enjoy things like tarot and rune readings as a means of self reflection, as in the meaning you interpret from the cards tells you what you already believe to be true.

Anyway, I asked "if we had a child, what would they be like?" And did a three card spread. This is what I got

I took it as a very positive draw. The fool is obvious, it's a baby. The idea that people have a set, unchangeable personality is mostly fiction. People have certain predispositions that are shaped by their experiences. I take it to mean "how the kid is going to be is largely dependent on you, the parents." As a former scapegoat, I firmly believe you can can make any kid out to be shitty and any kid out to awesome, the kid will mostly reflect what they are told. Even the best kids will have tantrums, will have bad days, and will have areas they struggle in. Even the worst kids will have talents, will have potential, and will have good moments. You have to choose what to nurture, what to work against, and what to just leave alone.

The seven of wands could be taken negatively, but I don't take it that way. I am a fighter, and I always have been. As a kid I was explosive. My parents never modeled self control over their emotions, and the never worked to teach me emotional regulation. As I got older, I learned that escalating was the way to get my boundaries respected- if I make everything a big bad fight it won't be worth it to bother. As an adult I've worked extensively to unlearn these things. My partner and I have a policy that if we can not speak productively (if we are yelling and insulting each other) we should go to separate rooms to calm down. My control over my emotions have gotten much, much better, and I trust myself a lot more. I still get angry, but I know I can control my anger. I think this card is telling me "Of course your kid will be a fighter! That's okay." Fighting isn't inherently bad- there are times when the right thing to do is fight. My job raising a fighter will be to teach them how, when, and why to fight, as well as when to walk away from a fight. In short, I shouldn't fight the fight- it's not a bad thing to be a fighter. I should be careful to teach them to control it the way I wasn't taught as a kid.

The Magician is another good sign. I take it to mean that I should manifest my plans for parenthood, that I should maintain and nurture that part of me that raises it's chin at my parents and says "I will do it right." I will make mistakes and it won't always be easy, and I know what I need to do to be a good parent. The bit at the end "everything is ready" is telling me the progress I've made in treatment has gotten me to a place where I could be a good parent.