#i sound like a broken record but i don't know how else to say it

[snixx]

I JUST WANT TO HUG HER AND HOLD HER AND NEVER LET GO

[sednas]

─ BIRTHDAY GIRL

gojo, geto, nanami, toji x fem!reader (separately)

trigger warning: overstimulation, dirty talk (geto), use of handcuffs (nanami), public s!x, degradation (toji)

༘♡ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎

you wake up by the feeling of a soft tongue running against the skin of your inner thigh. opening your eyes slowly, the first thing you see is gojo's face, squishing his cheek against your thigh, lazy blue eyes watching you with a glint of adoration.

"morning beautiful." he whispers just before placing a kiss over your clothed pussy.

"w-what time is it?" you ask weakly, your legs already slightly trembling.

"who cares? today's your birthday, we can do whatever you want, we got all day..."

you watch him slowly raise his eyes at you again, smirking mischievously and you can feel his hot breath against you.

"so..." he begins to talk while running his fingertips along the curve of your hips. "what do you want, mmh?"

he's really asking that when his lips are a few centimeters away from your pussy.

"your mouth, I want your mouth..." you whisper to him and he smirks again.

"where? here?" he teases, taking your hand to kiss the back of it. "be more specific baby or else I can't give it to you..." he laughs at your disappointed face and whines a little as you gently tug at his white hair to bring him closer to where you need him most.

"hereeee satoru, need you here." you almost groan in frustration, lifting your hips in the air in a needy way.

"oh here?~" he murmurs just before kissing your hidden pussy, this time using his tongue to wet the soft fabric of your panties.

you feel the tip of his tongue circles around your clit and it makes you shiver, your eyes are already rolling back even though he barely touched you.

gojo loves to tease you, sometimes he makes you beg just for a kiss, but today's your birthday, so he will be nice, at least at first.

bonus:

he brings you gifts in the morning. a lot of gifts. even more than usual. clothes, jewelry, perfumes, flowers, books, nintendo switch, pokemon cards, anything you want, he got it.

༘♡ 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎

you know your boyfriend has a thing for edging you. he likes to deny you for hours and hours, makes you cry and beg in frustration until you sound like a broken record, saying "please" over and over again... he just loves it when you're so horny and sensitive that he could make you cum just by blowing air on your pussy. but on special occasions, he likes to do the opposite, it's his way of spoiling you on your special day. he's so nice isn't he?

"su-suguru wait! you're... you're being mean!" you cry out, your trembling body trapped against his chest.

"I don't think your pussy agrees with you sweetheart, look how she's spasming when I remove my hand, she wants more..." he mocks with a wicked grin.

your skin burns with embarrassment at his words, talking about your genitals as if they were a real person. you'd be jealous if you weren't so overstimulated right now.

slowly, he puts two of his fingers inside you again and you moan at how full you feel just with his fingers alone.

he brings his mouth closer to your ear and you get goosebumps through your whole body, his lips almost touching your skin.

"come on lovely, give me one more I know you can." he whispers as he licks your earlobe.

"too much... can't..."

you squirm between his arms, your left hand desperately holding onto his forearm as his muscles flex while he pumps his fingers in and out of your pussy, his thumb toying with your clit. he clicks his tongue in disapproval and lifts your chin up so he can look at your face.

"you can still talk now can't you? mmh... looks like you're still using that brain of yours, let's fix that sweetheart."

while fingering you, he slides the thumb of his other hand in your mouth and you start sucking on it without even thinking, half lidded eyes trying to focus, your vision blurry as you can feel your sixth orgasm of the night coming. he smiles, flicking your clit a bit more harshly.

"cum sweet girl, you deserve to feel really good on your birthday."

bonus:

he takes you to your favorite restaurant <3 and he's smart enough to fuck you AFTER your date unlike toji 💀

༘♡ 𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈

"what is it? already giving up?" he asks and he smiles when you shake your head. "that's my girl."

nanami knows how to listen, it's one of the main reasons why you fell in love with him. he listens and remembers everything you tell him. so of course he remembered when you confessed that some day you'd like to be tied up to his bed during sex. and tonight, for your birthday, he has decided to indulge that fantasy of yours. at first he thought it was a bit silly, the smile on your face when he handcuffed you to the headboard of the bed made him laugh a little. it's only when he finds himself kneeling between your legs, facing you, watching your eyes darken with lust and the way you're already tugging at your restraints that he realizes his position. he has you under him, completely helpless, at the mercy of his teasing touch and his insatiable mouth as you impatiently wait for him and he suddenly feels like the luckiest man in the world. he caresses your thighs lovingly and starts to kiss your stomach, making his way up to your chest to bury his face in your sweet tits, licking and giving gentle bites to your soft skin. you whimper and squirm, quickly realizing how frustrating your little fantasy is going to be and he seems to notice.

he keeps kissing your body until his lips meet your own, taking your breath away with a sloppy kiss and you gasp in his mouth when you feel his knee against your pussy.

"work for it baby, show me how much you want me." he orders, his voice soft but firm and you can only obey.

swaying your hips, you start grinding against his knee, softly moaning, looking away with embarrassment when you see him looking down at you, hypnotized by the way you're moving your body.

"you're doing such a good job baby, keep going, wanna know how desperate you can get for me."

bonus:

nanami never takes breaks from work, except for your birthday. he takes you on a weekend where you both can relax and have some sweet sweet sex in a jacuzzi 🤤

༘♡ 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈

you thought he was being weird as soon as you showed up in the outfit you had carefully chosen for your date at your favorite restaurant. he just looked at you from head to toe and nodded. he didn't even squeeze your ass when you walked past him and you ridiculously felt a bit sad about it. you should have known better, really.

now he's grabbing your hips with his big hands and forcing your body down onto his throbbing cock in the driver's seat, in the middle of the restaurant parking lot.

"m'sorry baby, I just can't resist you, you look so fucking good in that outfit." he moans in your ear and you have to bite his shoulder to keep from screaming.

he lowers one of his hands to grab your ass and he starts thrusting inside you, his cock rubbing all the right spots, making your thighs tremble and your eyes water.

you feel his other hand threading through your hair, forcing you to look down where both of your bodies are connected.

"look at the mess you've made honey, it's all over me. does getting fucked in a car turn you on that much?" he asks and he smiles when he feels you trying to meet the cruel thrusts of his hips while looking away from the view of your pussy soaking his cock.

you whimper when he pulls at your hair, forcing your head down once again.

"answer me. does my little slut like to get off to the thought of getting caught while I'm fucking her pretty pussy?"

and despite shaking your head you can't lie to him, almost salivating at the feeling of your swollen clit rubbing against the fabric of his pants while he keeps slamming his hips against your skin.

"fuck yes! yes I like it! I like it so much!" and he laughs at your dumb voice, seeing you so cock drunk never fails to amuse him, especially when you make such shameless noises with the rear windows half open... he'll tell you later.

bonus:

this car sex session leaves you both panting, sweat sticking on your foreheads, your hair all messy and let's not even talk about the cum dripping out of you right now. so you both decide to go back home and toji orders food from the restaurant you were supposed to go to.

[hunnylagoon]

When I Was Your Girl

Stage Fright

Rockstar! Ellie Williams x pop star! Reader

‘Fame is a poison most would drink happily despite the warning of a slow and painful death’

Premise: You and fell in love as nobodies and fell out of love in the limelight. Now you are forced to deal with ghosts who haunt you like a melody.

Warnings: small mentions of drinking and drugs / wee bit of violence / Ellie is a dick

Fake albums mentioned: Solstice / Smokey Eyes

I've never been anything more than a joke.

I'm so childish they took it for maturity, and I'm so serious they took it for silly.

Even since I began my career, I was spotted at eighteen by a skeezy producer when I sold myself at a strip club to make ends meet, because dreaming never paid the bills. I wish that I had been found somewhere else, maybe one of the restaurants I sang at on karaoke nights or the park where I poured my soul into art through my uncle’s old acoustic guitar. 

"How are you feeling right now?" A tanned woman with slick back hair shoves a microphone into my face while an emotionless man holds the camera. "I mean, seven years in the industry and you've just received your first Grammy nominations."

"I'm feeling kind of freaked out, to be honest," I face the woman with a sheepish smile on my face, trying the best I can not to look at the large camera lurking beside me.

"Rightfully," Her teeth are so white that they almost blind me and I get distracted by myself as I try to figure out whether they are veneers or not. "Do you think you'll be bringing any hardware home tonight?"

She moves the microphone back to my face and I flinch out of instinct, we both laugh for the camera but I can tell she's annoyed "Honestly, I'm just happy to be here, as corny as it sounds it is such an honour to be around so many incredible artists."

"So humble," She smiles then turns to the camera to address the viewers "I think we all know she's gonna be sleeping tonight with a golden gramophone under her pillow," She forces a laugh, trying to capture the raw essence of this overly manufactured moment. The interviewer turns back to me "Now, I know this isn't your first rodeo, is there anyone here you aren't looking forward to seeing, you don't have to name any names."

Fuck I hate these bloodsuckers. She is so obviously trying to milk my broken engagement which was still very much fresh. I uphold my false smile though and shake my head "Nope, if anything I think I'm looking forward to some mingling,"

She looks irritated, covering it up only by a close-lipped smile. "Well, then I'll let you get on with that."

I give her a curt wave and continue my way down the red carpet, maneuvering through other celebrities, we all have common ground, we are blinded by the flashing lights. I try my best to avoid any more journalists but I see Abby Anderson speaking to one and sneak up behind her, tapping her on the shoulder.

She turns around and greets me with a huge smile "I was wondering when I was gonna see you," Abby smiles and slings an arm around my shoulders looking to the journalist while I glance at the camera "I'm telling you, this girl needs to clear some space out on her trophy shelf."

I grin at her, genuinely. Abby had always been kind to me, we first met when I was nineteen and the both of us signed up for Atlantic Records. "She's just being nice," I say.

"And she's just being humble!" Abby squeezes me, it's a simple gesture but it means the world to me, it's her way of saying 'I got you'.

I shake my head "Abby is gonna be the real winner tonight."

The man holding a microphone in front of us smiles "We'll see who's right, my bet is both of you," He turns his attention to me directly "So I understand that you took a bit of a break after releasing your album, Solstice, is this considered your comeback?"

"Nope," I smile despite wanting to snatch the microphone from his hand and beat the camera with it until it shatters "There isn't anything to come back from."

He tilts his head giving the over-animated 'Are you serious?' look for whoever is watching. Every journalist was like a vampire trying to bleed me dry. The journalist, impeccably dressed in a tailored suit that exudes both sophistication and confidence searches his mind for another question "Well your album honestly was such a work of art and there has been talk that you are working on another one, is there anyone here that inspired any of those songs?"

"Nope."

"I think we should ask Ellie the same question," He laughs at his joke like it was funny. 

"And I think we should be heading off now," Abby answers for me and guides me away from the barricade of reporters and journalists, away from the cameras prying into my soul.

As I walk along the red carpet, I don't bother to stop and pose for any more pictures, I pick up the long skirts of my dress and usher myself to weave between the other celebrities. I nearly turn my ankle and take a tumble, wow, sure glad that 30 photographers caught that moment.

I was drenched in a deep, enchanting shade of midnight blue, the gown captivated with its sleek silhouette. The magic shows in the intricate details that adorn the fabric, reminiscent of the cosmos itself. Delicate embroidery of constellations graces the entire dress, forming a celestial tapestry that seems to come alive under the harsh shine of lights. The celestial patterns are meticulously sewn into the fabric, resembling a night sky filled with stars and constellations, creating an ethereal and otherworldly charm. Paired with the constellation dress, I wear a diamond choker and matching teardrop earrings.

I had lost Abby at some point in my little runaway leaving me to get into the auditorium where the award ceremony is to take place. 

Nearly the very second I walk in I hear a man yell my name, he is seated in the second row and it takes an awkwardly long amount of time for him to jog over to me. "Hey, kid!" He grins, hugging me, I don't hug him in return, I just freeze. It was Graham Wilson, I could smell the liquor on his breath.

Graham Wilson was a man who used to write very successful rock songs in his twenties with his band (the majority now deceased), he was nearing his sixties and was the definition of a has-been. I remember when I was a kid and I would listen to him on my iPod; though in recent days he's become known for ridiculous stunts, DUIs and homophobic tweets, even better known for how he found out I was gay and announced that he was no longer homophobic because, in his words 'Those gays can sure write good music' and then thanked me in his tweet, even tagging my account.

His frame carries the weight of a bygone era, specifically his beer belly. His once-lustrous, shoulder-length hair has succumbed to streaks of gray, hanging limply around his face like faded echoes of a rebellious past. Despite the passage of time, a few remnants of the rockstar allure linger - a faint scar above his right eyebrow, a reminder of a wild night in an underground club, and the subtle tattoos peeking out from under the sleeves of his wrinkled suit jacket.

"Hey, Graham," I give him a tight-lipped smile out of courtesy, in no means do I wish to talk to him. 

"You better win best album tonight," He gives me a hard slap on the back. Every time I see him he acts like we're friends just because he was a judge on a singing reality show that I was on seven years prior.

"I'll try my best," I try to excuse myself but he speaks again.

"I said seven years ago when I saw you on that stage that you were gonna be a star so don't let me down," He points a finger at me and gives me a weird smirk. When he smirks I almost think he's having a stroke until he starts to laugh and reveals his rows of teeth that are beginning to rot from his not-so-subtle drug abuse.

"Okay," I give him a nod and a quick wave goodbye to sneak away and pretend that I didn't converse with him. It seems like I'm early to take my seat, people are still piling in and being ushered to their spots, and seat fillers are standing around sheepishly while they try to take discreet photos of celebrities.

My seat is on the end of row two, right on the aisle, I feel myself split into a grin. If you weren't aware, Who sits where is a major status symbol. And though awards show organizers may deny it, it's awfully convenient to be sitting in the front row or on the aisle if you're about to accept a ton of trophies.

I was shaking with nerves, I got nominated three times and maybe there was hope that I would win at least one category.

When I saw Ellie I almost wanted to hide my face, she walked in with a new girl she slung her arm around, Jesse, Dina, and Cat in tow. I'm thankful to see that they're sitting front row of the opposite section of me and have yet to notice me.

I'm not sure if you have ever fallen in love, dated, gone on tour, moved in together, adopted a dog, written a couple of songs, got engaged, then broken up with someone and had the entire thing be documented publically but it's not the best feeling when you have to be in the same room as them again.

Everything with Ellie used to be so perfect.

The first thing I ever noticed about her were her eyes, her sad eyes. She looked like a puppy that had been kicked around for far too long; neglected and mistreated by whoever was cruel enough to show her such torment. Her eyebrows furrowed like each thought running through her head was a worry.

It's hard to look at her now, I know this girl inside out but we are strangers. 

I liked to pretend that the beautiful girl she was with was just there for show but I knew it was untrue when I saw her snake her hand around her waist just like she did to me. She runs through girls like they're cigarettes, she uses them until they burn out or she grows sick of them.

Two years ago at this very same award show, Ellie accepted Song of the Year for the song she wrote about me, 'Everlong'. She had even invited me on stage during her speech and announced to the world how in love she was with me.

If only I knew I could come to hate someone I used to love to death.

My hate was only solidified when Ellie and the Ashmen dropped their most recent album titled 'Smokey Eyes' just three months after our broken engagement. The entire album was about me and dear god it almost ruined my career.

Ellie had managed to paint me in a horrible light that made me seem like the scum of the earth. She wrote about me having substance issues and overall just sang happily about how much she despised me. Her song 'Me vs Your Friends' wrecked me. After speculation began over that song online, her fans decided that they loathed me just the same as Ellie did; this meant that I was doxxed, sent death threats, had my home broken into, and forced to move.

She wasn't the slightest bit sorry.

I spent the award ceremony dazed out, to be truthful, these types of events were boring. They dragged on for ages and you had to sit through the same generic speeches over and over again of people thanking their parents and producers, I hated both of those.

I watched as Amelia Swan walked on stage, she was a nepotism baby, the daughter of some big-shot director and beautiful all the same. In the glittering spotlight of the grand award show stage, a vision of elegance takes center stage as the next announcer for the evening. A beautiful woman, her porcelain skin seemingly kissed by moonlight, graces the audience with a timeless allure. Her dark, cascading hair frames her face in a sleek, sophisticated manner, accentuating the delicate features that radiate a captivating charm.

Draped in a resplendent pink gown, the fabric sits tight against her slim body. The gown is a masterpiece of design. Its silhouette accentuates her figure with tasteful precision, while the soft hue of pink complements her fair complexion.

"Hello!" She smiles and the crowd begins to cheer "I'm going to cut to the chase because I know all of you are as excited to find out the winner as I am."

Amelia begins to go through the nominees, my breath hitches in my throat when she says my name, though I play it cool the best I can and smile softly when the camera zooms in on me in the crowd.

Her eyes, framed by carefully styled lashes and a hint of rosy eyeshadow, exude warmth and confidence. Lips adorned with a subtle shade of pink curve into a welcoming smile, inviting the audience to share in the excitement of the announcement. 

"The winner of Album of the Year is..." I could've sworn I nearly passed out when Amelia said my name.

Nothing felt real, it was like I was living the dreams that I made up when I was a little girl staying up late in my uncles back yard, talking to the indigo sky and speaking to it with delusions of security and stardom.

I shake when I stand up from my chair. The person next to me hugs me and I don't even know who she is but I hug her in return.

Amelia gestures for me to join her on stage with a huge smile on her face. I make my way down the aisle and up the steps leading to the stage. Amelia handed the statue of the golden gramophone to me along with the microphone to give my speech.

At this moment, the stage is my kingdom "I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win but I'd like to thank my little sister, Marceline, and my late uncle, Richie, god rest his soul. Everything I've done leading me to this moment has been for them, every lyric, every night I'm up till dawn writing. Even though Richie can't be here in person, I carry a little piece of him with me everywhere I go, he's all around me, I see him in the songs I write, in the melody of an acoustic guitar, and in the faces of those gentle enough to show me kindness."

The audience applauds for me, even Ellie who stares me down bitterly. I had sung in front of thousands of people but it would never compare to this moment.

I wipe a tear away from my eye "I would also like to thank all of my fans, you guys are just the fucking best," I giggle through my crying "I feel like you've been sent down by Richie and Marceline I know you're watching me right now, please give my dog some love for me. Please know that I don't come from anything, I was born from dirt and dreams for something more than a ratty town in Canada."

I lived for the applause.

"I mean, I've always been good and never great so this means a lot to me-

Ameilia places a hand on my shoulder to stop me "There was a bit of a mix-up," She announces "I'm sorry, love, you didn't win," She says just to me, dark eyes full of remorse.

"What?" I almost think it's a sick joke.

Amelia holds the microphone to her face to be heard by the audience "I'm not joking," She shows the contents of a card to the crowd "The real winners for album of the year are Ellie and the Ashmen for their album Smokey Eyes." Gasps sound from the audience and I can only imagine what those watching from home are doing

The camera pans to where Ellie, Dina, Jesse, and Cat sit, Ellie is laughing; not laughing, cackling, it only grows and now she's laughing so hard she can barely breathe. Suddenly I didn't feel like I was king of the world, it felt like the desolation of a hangover had hit me in the span of 90 seconds.

Dina gives Ellie a harsh elbow to her bicep, telling her to be respectful. The four of them rise from their chairs and make their way up to the stage, where I stand, paralyzed.

"Congratulations," I give Ellie a tight-lipped smile and hand the award off to her.

She smiled smugly at me and took it "Thanks, smokey eyes," Ellie held the statue up to display it. Smokey eyes was a nickname she had given me when we first met since I always had dark circles she said they looked like smoke from a forest fire. I told you that album was about me. What made me more mad is that it was such a stupid fucking nickname.

My mouth goes dry, it tastes like salt and failure.

I take many steps back, trying to hide myself at the back of the stage while I watch the Ashmen bathe in the glory I thought was mine.

"I didn't prepare anything because I honestly didn't think I would win," Ellie begins to mock me "But I'd like to thank my best friends, Dina, Jesse, and Cat, I couldn't have done it without you," She motions at her band members beside her "But I also couldn't have done it without my dad, thank you, Joel, you're out there in the cheap seats but I fucking love you," She waves out into the crowds somewhere before handing the microphone off to Dina.

"I am so beyond grateful-

"No!" Someone yells from the ground and all attention turns to him "This is not fair!" Graham shouts, walking up the stairs. Everyone in the room looks at one another trying to figure out what is going on. Graham snatches the microphone from Dina "I'm proud of you four but listen."

Everyone is silent completely, no one is sure what to do so we let Graham continue.

"I met everyone on this stage seven years ago," He throws one arm out for dramatics "Except for Amelia, I don't know you," Graham is more dishevelled than he was when I saw him earlier that night "Let me tell all of you that Ellie was in love with this girl since the day they met!" Graham points at me, now things are getting weird, well weirder. “I know because I was there and you all saw it on TV!”

It was no secret that Ellie and I were together since we met on Road to Stardom, a singing reality show where people compete for-well, stardom. Every step of our relationship had been very public, not by choice but by unfortunate circumstances. It is for this reason I was afraid of what Graham would spout next.

"Without her, Smokey Eyes wouldn't have ever been written, Ellie would've had no inspiration for it," He babbles "But more so my point is, Solstice deserved to win, Smokey Eyes is mediocre at best!"

People in the audience look genuinely concerned, I spot Abby in the third row. She has one hand covering her mouth from pure shock, her eyebrows are furrowed and she almost looks like she's going to throw up.

 "Solstice is the best album to listen to when you're high off salvia on your bathroom floor!" Graham points back at me.

I see Cat mutter something to Jesse along the lines of "He's not wrong."

"Smokey Eyes has three good songs and Solstice has thirteen!" Graham suddenly stops to turn and look at me, he grabs my wrist "Come up here and finish your speech," I shake my head no but he pulls me up anyway.

I freeze, petrified. My eyes are wide and my lips are pressed together in a thin line. I didn't know what to do. Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

Graham's head suddenly snaps from me to Ellie where he takes an intoxicated step closer to her "Give me that damn award, you don't deserve it, especially not after mocking the woman who inspired it!" He lunges for the statue, at first Ellie is stubborn and holds onto it tight.

After 30 seconds of Graham trying to pry the stature away, Ellie gives up and releases it, figuring it best not to fight with a drunk man; in doing so Graham's elbow flies back from sudden loss of resistance and hits me dead in my nose. I yelp out in pain bending over into a crouch and clutching my nose. Graham stumbles back and trips over me, though he is still holding on tight to the statue.

Jesse approaches him slowly. "Hey, man, It's me, I think we should all just settle down and talk this through," He tries to act cool but his eyes are full of worry "I agree, I think Solstice is a great album and it really deserved to win."

Graham clumsily rolled onto his stomach and then stumbled back onto his feet. He was staring Jesse down like this was the Wild West.

Dina rushed over to me to make sure I was okay "Let me see," She gingerly moved my hands away from my nose, it had been knocked crooked and blood was pouring down to my chest where it pooled at the neckline of my dark dress.

Graham chucked the golden gramophone at Cat who jumped back when he did so and took a swing at Jesse who didn't move an inch or even shudder from his drunken punch. It also didn't help Graham that he was a solid four inches shorter than Jesse. Just as Graham was hyping himself up to send another hit, two bulky men grabbed either of Graham's arms and dragged him off the stage and out of sight.

I went home that night with nothing more than a broken nose, and no award but I could rest knowing that night went down infamously in history. My blood dripped onto the stage of the Grammys.

That was the night I truly became famous.

Grade eight- Age thirteen 

Middle school is hard.

Even harder when you have two friends, one of them is a guy who is obsessed with Star Wars and is hardly at school because he's always having an allergic reaction, and the other friend is my English teacher. I ate lunch in her class while he graded schoolwork on days that Milo was too sick to show up for school.

I never understood why kids are so fucking mean. Like sometimes I'm having a good day and then I remember when I sang at the middle school talent show.

Some kid who was destined to have a blunt in his hand finished doing tricks on his skateboard rolled off stage and it was my turn.

In the dimly lit auditorium, adorned with colourful decorations for the annual school talent show, I took center stage with my guitar, a blend of excitement and nervousness etched across my face. The hushed whispers of the audience faded as I strummed the first chords, the notes carrying the beginning to the first of many performances in my life

"If you gave me only one wish,

I wouldn't want to feel this way.

They told me I'd have your memory

But all I want is you to stay

And I can't stop my mind from haunting me,

It's like a scar on a butterfly's wing,

I wanted you to know."

I had worked tirelessly to perfect the lyrics to my first ever song, begging my uncle who was far more practiced for his input. This was way back when I still lived in fuck ass nowhere Alberta, I had that country twang in my high voice though it carried a specific tenderness.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do.

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain

This beautiful pain for you."

However, as I sang my little heart out, a different melody began to play in the background - the snickers and hushed comments of some classmates who couldn't appreciate the vulnerability I laid bare on the stage. Their laughter, like discordant notes in a once-harmonious piece, reverberated through the auditorium.

"If I sailed the world on stormy seas

Chasing sunlight that I can't see.

I was a dreamer here before,

Before I woke up and fell to the floor

And I'd climb to heaven if I could find you,

Even with a scar this butterfly flew.

I wanted you to know."

I spotted one group in particular, they hated me already and this would give them all the more reason to bully me.

"This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day, these bones will heal

And they'll leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything if it's the last thing that I do

This beautiful pain, this beautiful pain, this beautiful pain."

Maybe the lyrics were the slightest bit corny but I was thirteen and these girls were being little cunts. I bit back the tears I so clearly wanted to release when I saw a teacher had to walk over to the group of girls to stop their laughing. It wasn't just that one group though, kids scattered all over were fighting back giggles and that made it hurt all the worse.

"And all I'll ever need

And all I'll ever be,

Within every part of me is this,

This beautiful pain that I feel is all because of you

And one day these bones will heal

And leave me with the truth

And I'll give you everything 'cause it was all I ever knew.

This beautiful pain,

This beautiful pain,

This beautiful pain,

For you."

As the last note hung in the air, the room was divided. Some applauded, recognizing the authenticity of my performance, while others continued their derisive comments. So the majority who liked my singing were teachers, but that didn't matter, at least my music got through to someone.

The rest of the day was even more difficult than my three-minute performance, at least that was over quickly but the comments from Kennedy and her friends left me leaving school in tears.

I didn't go home that day, I walked the extra ten minutes to get to my uncle's house. Lugging my guitar and newfound hate for music with me. The façade, adorned with a mismatched collection of potted plants and a welcoming, hand-painted sign that read ‘Home Sweet Home’ hinted at my uncle's efforts to infuse joy into his surroundings. The paint on the wooden shutters might have faded, but they held stories of many seasons gone by. The roof, patched with a variety of materials, showed the resourcefulness of my uncle in their attempt to shield the interior from the whims of weather. 

He tried to make the house look nice for me and my little sister. He was by no means rich in money but rich in what mattered, the love he had for me was overflowing.

It wasn't a particularly nice neighbourhood either, his house was small, with two bedrooms and a basement I wasn't allowed in. But every time I think of the chipped blue walls, I feel a warm sense of nostalgia run down my spine.

"Who's there?" I hear Uncle Richie call from the kitchen where he is cooking something.

"Just me," I yell back, dropping my guitar case on the ground and belly-flopping onto his old brown leather couch that had more tears in it than I could count; he had tried to stich some of them up with embroidery floss but ultimately gave up, deciding to let it be since he couldn't afford to replace it.

"Why aren't you at your mom's, Chickadee?"

"I don't wanna see Mom right now, she's gonna put me in an even worse mood," I call back grabbing the TV remote off of the water-damaged coffee table.

"What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Minutes later Richie walks into the living room to join me, he carries a bowl of Kraft Mac and cheese with two forks shoved in it, he taps the bottom of my socked feet, signalling for me to move them so he can fit on the couch with me. Uncle Richie has a buzz cut and beard stubble that I have never seen him without, he has never been seen without a flannel on, not as long as I've been alive. What I remember the clearest about him though was the scar beneath his right eye, when I was younger he would tell me that he got it from a pirate though I stopped believing that. "So are you going to tell me why you're sulking?"

I ignore him and he reaches for the remote to turn the TV off "Hey, I watching that," I mutter.

"Well I'm waiting for you to answer me, Chickadee," He tilts his head "Or you won't get any kraft dinner."

"I sang at the talent show today."

"And?"

"Everyone made fun of me."

He furrows his eyebrows "Why would they do that?"

"Why do you think?" I snark "Because I'm not good enough and I'm a bad singer and I have a shit guitar." I immediately regret my words. Uncle Richie was the one who gave me that guitar, it was all he could manage with his income, it was his back when he had dreams of his own but he fixed it up so I could pick up where he left off. The guitar itself had a cracking between the face and the side that was being held together with duct tape, not to mention the whole thing was basically reinforced with superglue and there were Sharpie drabbles on it of poems and potential songs Richie started that I will be sure to finish.

"This is the best guitar in the world," He reaches behind the couch where I left it slugs the case onto his lap and opens it to showcase the guitar "Because it's full of something money can’t buy, there is love built into this guitar and every time you play it you feel that love."

"I don't feel love when I play," I say, eyes brimming with tears.

"Then you're not playing right," He smiles, discarding the case on the floor "Did you play the song I helped you write?"

I nod "Kennedy said it was worse than shoving nails into her ears and that my guitar was decrepit and even more fugly than I am."

"Well Kennedy is a little cunt," He answers "Don't tell anyone I said that." His words make me giggle. I watch him intently as he begins to strum some chords on the guitar, the beginning of Beautiful Pain, he stops when I don't sing the lyrics, glancing at me until the words finally fall from my lips.

After the first two Stanzas, he hands the guitar off to me, nodding his head along to my gentle strums.

When I finish the song and strike the last chord, Richie claps a huge smile on his face "Do you feel the love yet?"

"I dunno."

"Then play again," He says "Don't think about those bitchy little girls," His tone is dead serious "You just gave all of those people a free performance, in ten years they are going to be paying hundreds just to get a bad seat at one of your shows and they will buried so far in the back of your mind that you won't even remember their names or all of those awful words they say to you, the only words that will matter are the ones you sing."

"So what do I do?"

"Play music because you love it, it doesn't matter if it takes you anywhere or if it makes you any money. That's why you should play, play for love not greed."

Wordlessly I begin the song over again, blocking out the rest of the world while I softly sing the lyrics. I strum each cord perfectly, my singing to match. I will forever think back to this moment, this is where I can pinpoint the exact second I fell in love with music.

I wrap up the song and Richie speaks up "Do you still want to watch TV?"

I shake my head "Can you help me write another song?" 

-

Sinjinisoverboard: I love love love the new single but does anyone else miss her debut era?????? I feel like she's sold out

     woodmonkey92: Reply to Sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ this is so true, I remember when she would sing in parks and she was actually happy just being herself

     theend_is_n3ar: Reply to woodmonkey92╰┈➤ bruh you don't remember that, she was a nobody when she sang in parks plus she literally got heckled and ridiculed by her classmates so bad that she gave up on singing in public and almost gave up on music as a whole

     user37768638493: Reply to sinjinisoverboard╰┈➤ as much as I love her it really seems like she's fallen off the rails

conner_stoll_it: She's not even the same person anymore. I fell in love her original music and who she was when she wrote it, then she signed with a record label now she's an in-genuine copy of every pop star.

     Alina_b12: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ you fell in love with her old music?? 💀💀💀 she wasn't even past 100 subscribers when she released her debut album and after she released she literally gained 11 listeners on Spotify to get a total of 24 so don't lie and say that you heard it before hearing her mainstream music

     Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ Her old music was so relatable, she got famous and it’s kind of hard to relate to someone who's net worth is more money then I can even fathom

     hazeinmorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤I think that's why it was so easy for everybody to side with Ellie during the breakup, Ellie kept true to who she is, her girlfriend however did not.

     Luciaisdonewithlife: Reply to hazeinthemorningcraze╰┈➤*fiancé

     hazeinthemorningcraze: Reply to Luciaisdonewithlife╰┈➤ ew don't remind me

     maiya_onthec0ast: Reply to conner_stoll_it╰┈➤ We should remember that no one listened to her when she released her debut music. She said in an interview that before she signed with Atlantic Records she had 24 listeners and 76 subscribers. We only know who she is because of her mainstream music, you aren't better than anyone for needlessly hating on her.

stargirlthesequel: God who else misses the southern twang she used to have in her voice?

      Vampire_empire2: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤LMAO acting like you know her is crazy

      Aline_b12: Reply to stargirlthesequel╰┈➤parasocial relationships are really becoming apparent rn

thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo: It's soooooo annoying when people hate on Solstice for being mainstream like all Ashmen discography isn't top on charters since they dropped their first album

     dancedancerev0lution: Reply to thismightbeskylarwwhiteyo╰┈➤I've been saying this! Ellie has been in the industry way longer, she's always had a big fan base, even when she was still a solo artist!

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to thismightbeskylaarwwhiteyo╰┈➤ Ellie Williams on 🔝

    call_urm0ther: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤ kys she treated her fiancé horribly

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤ how would you know that????? Were you there??????

    follow_kendra88: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was the one who was treated horribly in that relationship, have you even listened to Smokey Eyes?

    ellies_no2girl: Reply to call_urm0ther╰┈➤Ellie was so in love and just got used for fame 🥺💔

     call_urm0ther: Reply to ellies_no2girl╰┈➤fuck off with your cringe ass emojis

sorryyileft___:You guys are so weird for saying Ellie was used by her ex for fame, they literally were on the same show at the same age at the same time and got thrown into the limelight at the same time, Ellie and the Ashmen just got more popular.

   mybodyisacage: Reply to sorryyileft___╰┈➤Ellie had a bit of a YouTube presence before she was on Stardom, it wasn't a crazy number but it was a cult following and that's why she won Stardom, bc she had fans to begin with then gained even more after being on national television

    elliespurplemonster: Reply to mybodyisacage╰┈➤She didn't win bc of following she won bc she's a good artist

    mybodyisacage: Reply to elliespurplemonster╰┈➤I never said she wasn't

bodhi_van34: I thought the whole thing at the Grammy's was an act until I saw all those news articles about Graham Wilson getting arrested

  carlyswarly: Reply to bodhi_van34╰┈➤They did a drug test when he got arrested and found coke in his system

    may0mayyyo: Reply to carlyswarly╰┈➤A busboy who worked the event said that Graham was doing cocaine in the bathroom

   body_van34: Reply to may0mayyyo╰┈➤ LMAO WTF 

charlotte_5freakingdidit: EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT ELLIE WILLIAMS BEING MEAN TO HER EX BUT GRAHAM WILSON LITERALLY ASSAULTED A POPSTAR ON STAGE AND TRIED TO THROW HANDS WITH JESSE LMAO IM DIFFUSING

juliaa__stirling: The way Ellie was laughing when Amelia said she messed up the cards was so rude and immature. Her fans are insane for defending her. All of that just because her ex fiancé gave a speech about working hard, imagine how she felt after being so honest with everyone just for her to not actually win and think about how she feels now reading all of these posts.

botoxangel: Celebrities have feelings too, Amelia made a mistake she's probably embarrassed but not as embarrassed as that poor woman is for putting her soul into a speech just for her ex and all of her fan girls to ridicule her for a mistake that wasn't even hers.

    karaleaah778: Reply to botoxangel╰┈➤exactly! And why are people blaming Amelia??? She was given the envelope by someone else, she genuinely thought her friend won.

carlosislost: Why is Graham even invited to these events?????????

katie_katelynsm1th: Reply to carlosislost╰┈➤Bc it's funny when he causes a scene

howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad: I know you guys think this Grammy situation is so funny but it's really not. Graham is clearly mentally ill, this is a cry for help.

   elleryc3llery: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeingsad╰┈➤Dude it's hilarious

  3emmettttt: Reply to howto_nevrst0ppbeing sad╰┈➤The way you're worried about the has been and not the girl whose nose he broke

allysaaaa663638: LMAO THE WAY SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT SHE WON THE AWARD AND SHE DESERVED IT SHDBDBEGHWWBSV

jessicadacoolest: Ellie is so real for laughing bc I would've done the same tbh

hennyrumwine: Dumb bitch deserved to be hit lollllllll

4444carmencarmen4444: I love the Ashmen's music but I hate Ellie sm, I just feel like she's a fuck girl and she gives me very rude vibes. Like laughing at her ex and then mocking her heartfelt speech is INSANE anyways stream Solstice

sittingwaiting_wishing: I honestly have hated Ellie since the breakup, she's changed so much since then. She used to be funny now she's just mean.

carissaandher_h0ttakes: I still think it's kind of crazy that Dina and Jesse followed through with Ellie on Smokey Eyes because they were really close to her when she was engaged to Ellie, can't imagine how many ties that album severed

    elliessmokeyeye: Reply to carissaandher_h0ttakes╰┈➤I think about this all the time! She was literally the god mother for Dina and Jesses kid

     carissaandher_h0ttakes: Reply to elliessmokeyeye╰┈➤it make me think that she might've done something to them to make them hate her the way Ellie does, Ellie did say that she didn't write all of the songs for Smokey Eyes 🤔🤔🤔

"Do you see how this backlash doesn't look good for anyone?" My agent, Caroline asks after showing me several Twitter posts that are under the trending tag.

"Well, it's not really my fault."

"Nonetheless, I think It's time for a rebrand." She sets her phone face down and looks at me from across her desk "Do you remember when you went on tour with the Ashmen when you were around twenty-one?"

My eyes go wide, I'm already shaking my head "Please-

"This is an awful event that you can turn into an amazing opportunity and capitalize on it," The backdrop behind Caroline is almost blinding, it's an annoyingly hot LA day and I want nothing more than to be back in Canada and swimming in lakes with my little sister.

"Caroline, mentally I can't handle a tour with Ellie."

"Mentally, you're gonna have to," She says, getting stern "Your fans either hate each other or they love both of you and feel like their parents have divorced."

I know that I will argue with Caroline for the next hour and threaten to fire her but eventually, she will win, so until then I am preoccupied with thoughts of everything but Ellie, soaking in the last moments I will have until she envelopes my brain and suffocates me from the inside out.

I am sure that with Ellie, I will die before winter comes and I am doubtful that I will ever bloom again.

[drurrito]

Are You The One? - One

A/N: I've been sitting on this idea for a minute. Some quick background on AYTO: it's a gameshow -- there's usually 9 or 10 couples that are matched based on compatibility. They have about 10 weeks to figure it out by playing games and going on dates. They pair off at "matching ceremonies" to see how many light beams they get to clue them in on who might be a perfect match. Anyway, here goes nothing--all mistakes are mine of course.

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, cursing, Jerk!Vision lol

------------

No match!

Wanda stares at the screen, mouth agape and mind racing. Vis squeezes her hand.

"Wanda-"

"You're not my match," Wanda whispered, "you're not my match and we only have two matching ceremonies to figure everything out."

"That doesn't change what we have," he turns to her, taking both her hands into his.

"It changes everything," Wanda bites, "I wasted so much time with you," she runs a frustrated hand through her hair. Vis just stands there, arms stupidly hanging by his sides. Wanda thought she was winning this game by sticking with him. She ignored everyone's pleads for her to pick someone else the last few matching ceremonies. That one beam of light was her and Vis without a doubt.

Until now.

"My match is still here," she's quiet again. Vis looks like he's still processing. He's been extremely persuasive up until this point. Vis would just talk Wanda out of actually playing the game every time she mentioned talking with anyone else. To the rest of the house, he sounded like a broken record, but to Wanda--he sounded like her favorite song.

"So, that's it?" Vis mumbles, his face contorts into something like disbelief, he looks foolish.

"That's the point, Vis," Wanda doesn't spare a second glance at him as she leaves.

----------------

The house buzzes with conversation. Wanda is sitting on the patio alone, twirling her glass in her hand.

"Hey," Shuri slowly approaches the seat across from Wanda. After the Truth Booth, everyone gave Wanda some kind of sympathy. A hug, some words, tight smiles and other gestures that did nothing to stop Wanda's stomach from churning something awful. The guilt has been making her shoulders sag heavily since coming back.

"We've been crunching the numbers," Shuri starts again, Wanda keeps her eyes on the dancing glass in her hand.

"We think your match could be y/n."

That gets a side glance and cocked eyebrow from Wanda, "she barely talks."

"Because she makes you do all the talking," Shuri shoots Wanda a knowing look who only rolls her eyes in response. You were good at getting Wanda to talk on your group dates. It only took a few questions to spark a conversation among the whole group, actually. Sometimes you just shared a comfortable silence, it threw Wanda off so bad. How can you connect with someone without a conversation?

"Look, y/n has won two dates in a row with you, that's two more dates than Vis ever won. Plus, you guys haven't sat together at a matching ceremony yet. If it's not you, then it has to be Carol--but we don't have any more time left to figure this out. If some of our guesses end up being correct this week, then we can figure out the rest of the matches from there."

"So you want me to sit with someone that I have no chemistry with?" Wanda asks, trying not to sound less than amused with the plan.

"Technically, you don't have chemistry with anyone," Shuri says without missing a beat, it makes Wanda flinch.

"But," Shuri drawls, "now that Vis isn't helicoptering over you, there are a few days to see if something sparks between you and y/n before the ceremony."

Wanda shifts in her seat with a heavy sigh that all but burns her nose. Outside the island, finding love is hardly ever a team effort. But in this game, teamwork is key. While getting a blackout would have costed money from the prize fund, it would have crossed off a lot of potential couples. That one beam belongs to someone, just not to Wanda and Vis.

"Have you talked to y/n about this?"

"Told her before your Truth Booth," Shuri flashes a nervous smile, "if it's any consolation, she was also hesitant at first."

Wanda can't help but look puzzled. She chews on her bottom lip for a few moments before nodding slowly.

"Alright, I'm in."

------------

Wanda walks back into the house with Shuri. Everyone is sitting around in the living room, half of the group is gossiping about Bruce and Natasha sneaking off into the boom boom room for one last time. Shuri gives Wanda a parting glance before sitting down next to Namor. Half the room has paired off into new couples, Wanda realizes. Vis is nursing a bottle between Tony and Steve, Wanda doesn't look at him as she makes her way over to you. You're busy nodding along to whatever Thor is talking about, while Carol is leaning against you as she talks to Maria. Your eyes are on Wanda as soon as she fills in the space between you and Thor.

"Hey," you give a warm smile that Wanda barely notices over the burn of the alcohol in her throat.

"Hey," she rasps back to you.

"I'm sorry about today," you look frustratingly genuine as Wanda searches your eyes for a few beats, looking for a reason to be mad at you. She gives up, turning back to her glass to down the rest in one gulp.

"Yeah, me too."

---------

As it turns out, you're also good at having conversations. It only took one "and what about you?" from Wanda to get you to actually participate. Vis was seething from his spot on the couch until Tony tugged him away to talk with another group. Maria had to do the same against Carol's protests when she realized you and Wanda were trying to hit it off. Your housemates continued to leave until it was just the both of you sitting on the couch. Wanda never noticed. She figured the two of you were alone this whole time with the way you looked at her.

Wanda is listening to you talk about your favorite movie when she fails to stifle a yawn.

"Shit, it's late," you watch the clock in the kitchen, realizing that you can hear it's ticking now. The rest of the house is dead silent. Wanda thumbs at the ring on her index finger. Shit, where is she supposed to sleep now? All the beds are likely taken.

Except for one.

"Hey," your voice is gentle, "I can sleep on the couch, you take the bed."

"I'm not going to ask you to do that-"

"You don't have to," you take a breath, "I just want to give you space, if you want it."

Wanda's brows furrow, space? She thinks back to the night when Vis made out with Hope and insisted on sleeping splayed on top of Wanda afterward. Space was never an option with Vis, that's why she's looking at you like you just grew a second head. You wordlessly grab Wanda's glass to wash, your way of giving her some time to think it over. You're drying off your hands when Wanda walks up to the bar.

"What side of the bed do you sleep on?"

-------------

Wanda tries not to think about the fact that you like to sleep on the left side while she tries to fall asleep on the right, the side she prefers.

[dark-night-hero]

Imagine when Michael Kaiser realizes things a little far too late.

Imagine Kaiser wondering when did you started to be so cold? The thing is, you treated him the same as every, it something felt so wrong, so odd. When did you started looking at him like that? "Meine liebe? What's wrong?" He asked as he embrace you from behind and loooking up from the book on your hand, "Nothing." You smile at him, a smile that send shiver down his spine.

Imagine everything was the same as it was before, but he felt like something within you has changed, precisely the way you looks at him was far for different than before. It was so cold and a little hard to read. But you still lean on his touches, still return his smiles, you still kiss him on the lips whenever he would go out and come back from practice. Is he just over thinking?

Imagine it was one of those nights were he would take you to a five star restaurant for a meal, nothing special. He just wanted to take you, seeing you all beautiful and dressed up was enough for him. And yet on the entire meal you never said a word, he was unsure if it was just the fact that you were just preoccupied with the meal or maybe something else. He just hoped that its the former.

"Meine liebe." Looking up from your meal, Kaiser wipe off the sauce off the side of your lips with his thumb before bringing it to his mouth to get a taste of it. Upon seeing him act shamelessly, you felt blood creeping up your face. "Kaiser!" "What?" He chuckle. Everything felt so right.

Imagine, as the two of you ace each other on your bed. As you traces his tattoo all the way from the back of his hand up to his neck, he felt a shiver down his spine as he pulled you close to him, breathing your scent. "Kaiser?" He could only humm in return as his embraces tighten. "Do you have something you want to say to me?" Thinking about it for a moment, he chuckles, not noticing the way you stiffen. But then he slight pull away from you to give you a kiss on the lips. "Ich liebe dich."

Imagine, the truth is Kaiser loves you very much. Like really, he loves you so much. A far little than he could imagine. He when he walked inside the house, the one the two of you have been living together for half a year now and saw you looking so coldly like that. He stiffen. He don't know what he did wrong, nevertheless he must apologise. But does he really doesn't know?

"Meine liebe? What's wrong?" He asked as he hold you by the shoulder when you brush off his usual kiss of a greeting. "It's been half a year." You said and he nod, you must be talking about your relationship right? "So how was it?" "Huh?" "How does it feel to play with my heart?" "Huh?" He almost sounded as a broken record as he kept saying the same thing. He was confused, what are you talking about all of a su- ah.

"What did my brother every do to you to do me like this?" You glare at him. "And even if he does im fact did you something. Does I have anything to do with it?" "Wai-" "No! You wait! I waited two months Kaiser! Two fucking months for things to come out of your damn own fucking mouth and yet I hear nothing!" His heart was painfully beating on his chest as he sees tears started rolling down your cheeks quickly wiped away by you. "So I guess it's true, this. This fuckig relationship means nothing but a damn fucking bet to you?" You looked to hurt, betrayed when you said that.

Imagine the way his mouth open and close. As much as he doesn't want to say it wasn't a bet, that he truly loves you the, that it was love at first sight the moment you walked into the field that day to talk to your damn brother. He doesn't want to sound hypocrite, because he did in fact made a bet with Ness, but it was just a damn excuse on his part so that he could be close to you.

"Scheiße" You curse and once again he flinch. "I should have listened to Noa when he said you were a damn bastard." You spoke brushing off the ever ending tears on your face. "Are you satisfied now? If you are then leave. The half year mark you made with Ness is over, you can leave." When you see him unmoving you push yourself off the counter and shove him hard on the shoulder. "I said leave! I don't want to see your face!" It hurts seeing his face like he was hurting too, like he actually love you. And you know he does, but the trust has already been broken.

Imagine the way he pull you into embrace, letting you hit him if it means venting out the pain you were feeling right now cause by none other than him. "Let go." You said and he shakes his head. "Michael Kaiser, let go." Once again he shake his head and pull you tighter on his chest. "Don't make me repeat myself Michael Kaiser before I regret loving you." "Ju-" He clear his throat as his voice cracked. "Just a minute." Then there was nothing but silence.

Imagine, if someone were to see Kaiser getting kicked out of his own penthouse, others would think it was hilarious. But the truth is that you don't have anywhere to go, Noa doesn't approve of your relationship so you have nowhere to go. And as soon as the door shut behind him, he just stood there before sitting down, leaning against the door and on the other side, he could hear the sound of your cries.

"I mean it when I said I love you, you know? Meine liebe." And as if hearing that he said, only cries can ne heard on the other side. Kaiser was the type of person who would admit his own mistakes, at least to the person he cherishes the most. So he would wait, just like how you waited for the chances he didn't take. He would until you were ready to forgive him. If you could forgive and trust him again, he would.

[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2023°

[pastel-peach-writes]

hai !! can i request a reader who looks down on themselves until korra confesses n they get a huge confidence burst ?? :D

Hi! Of course!

Shy Until You're Not | Korra Headcanons

╰┈➤ PLOT: You were known to have low self-esteem, well, until the Avatar made an accidental confession.

╰┈➤ WARNINGS: Lower Case Intended, Kinda Short, Light Cursing, Not Proofread

⍣ ೋ Enjoy!⍣ ೋ

– you were the type to compare yourself to others

– bender or nonbender, you would see someone and wonder why you weren't as good as them, what you could do to be like them, or wish you were them

– you spend most of your time comparing, you didn't notice how good you are at things too.

– whether that's making a joke, taking care of people, drawing, or fighting, you were good at something and you refused to see that.

– you know who didn't refuse to see that though? Korra.

– she noticed everything about you even if you didn't yourself

– she didn't understand why you didn't see what she did in yourself. you were always there motivating her, inspiring her, making her fall head over heels for you

– when you first met, she thought you were shy or some sort of people pleaser so she excused the behavior but once you got comfortable with each other and she got to know you, she didn't understand why you kept putting yourself down in front of her

– and then it clicked

– you were trying to impress or flatter her by knocking yourself down, you genuinely meant what you were saying.

– korra hated that.

– anytime you would put yourself down in her presence, she would confront you.

– "eXcuse yoU! I don't let anyone speak about my friend that way and that includes you." "now, what did we say about the negative self-talk?" "dude, seriously. I will wack you if you keep this up."

– korra's very overprotective. she will literally swat your arm or flick your ear when you talk bad about yourself.

– even through the flaws you claimed you have, korra couldn't help but fall for you. she likes everything about you, even the things you don't like about yourself.

– you were the same way with her.

– sometimes, when she was really down in the dumps, she hated how abrasive she can be but you love her bold and bluntness. it's what makes korra, well, korra.

– you both like each other despite your flaws and honestly, any genuine love should be that way.

– annnyyyways, korra's confession came kind of abruptly.

– you two were hanging together, chilling on top of a rooftop (don't ask), and you were talking down about yourself... again.

–– "You know, I wish I was cool enough to think of this," you bashfully say as you swing your dangling feet. It was sunset in Ba Sing Se and while on a random Avatar trip, you and Korra decided to slip away and take a quick break.

Korra from beside you sighs. She picks at the fur on her Water Tribe wear and crosses her legs at the ankle. She really didn't understand why you talk about yourself like this.

You are the coolest person she knows. You're always there for her and crack the funniest jokes at the most inappropriate times which pleases her because it annoys Tenzin. Not to mention you're painstakingly beautiful and make her heart flutter when you smile.

"But you know, I'm not. You are though." You shrugged, still swinging your feet.

Korra sighs again, but this time out of annoyance. "I hate when you do that."

"Do what?"

"When you talk bad about yourself as if you're not cool, awesome, funny, or all the other adjectives you use to describe others. And honestly, it ticks me off. I don't let anyone else talk about you that way so why should I let you?" Korra shuffles to sit up straighter, legs crossed. "I don't mean to sound like a broken record here, but it really irks my nerves. I can't stand it."

Your feet stopped swinging when Korra went on her tangent. You didn't notice you were talking bad about yourself. It's just something you've done. You can't remember how or when it started either. "I'm sorry. I just--"

"No," Korra sighs again, this time out of depletion. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said all that. Not like that, anyways. You are literally one of the coolest people on this planet and it kills me to know that you don't think the same. You're kind, compassionate, and you make me want to be a better person. I don't know if it's because I like you or something but--"

"Wait a second."

Korra froze. She didn't say what she thought she did... right? Oh, Spirits, this wasn't how this was supposed to go. Korra was going to ask you the night of the Water Tribe festival after she showed you her home and won you all sorts of prizes. She was going to confess to you a few moments into the fireworks so she could watch the pretty colors dance across your face as she spilled out her deepest emotions to you. It was supposed to be romantic. Not a blurt.

While Korra was having her internal freakout, you were grinning on the outside. The Avatar had a crush on you and she was blushing at the possibility that she confessed to you just now. There was something about her shyness, how she wore her nerves on her face that made your insides turn in a good way.

It was hard to explain but it was like warm butterflies exploded and performed their congregation dance in your stomach then flew up to your chest and fed sweet pollen and nectar to your ego.

Oh, Korra was never going to hear the end of this now. ––

– after her confession, korra wasn't sure if accidentally spilling out her guts was a good thing

– yes, her accidental confession led to you guys dating but it also led to countless nights of teasing and you wearing a proud grin on your face that korra wanted nothing but to kiss off of you

– whatever korra was expecting from you in a relationship, it wasn't this.

– because of your insecurities, she thought you were going to be the shyer one, maybe even the one who got flustered more often or had the smallest things make you weak in the knees but it was actually the contrary!

– it was like you were given a miraculous that made you cocky, flirtatious, and suave. (iykyk).

– korra would like to call your increase in flirty interactions and ego boost a flaw fallen upon her, but she would be lying. She loved it.

– she loved the smirk you wore when you teased her. She loved how your confidence grew when a blush would show on her cheeks

– she loved seeing your shoulders square, your eyes brighten, and your teeth showing themselves off in that cocky smile you often put on

– sure, it would be a bit embarrassing when you would tease her in front of her friends and family, but what's a little embarrassment? some may say the Avatar needed to be humbled. What better way to be humbled than your partner teasing the shit out of you?

– Korra had no clue where that insecure and shy person went after her confesssion.

– they rarely showed up anymore.

– korra saw it as a trophy that you didn't compare yourself to her often and rarely thought you weren't enough for her.

– before, when you saw the people she surrounded herself with, powerful benders and non-benders, you thought you weren't enough which was quite the opposite.

– you didn't do that anymore and it made Korra extremely proud. Happy. You finally saw the person she saw in you after all this time.

– after her realization, korra found you and squeezed you so tightly you thought she was trying to make juice out of you.

– she gave you many kisses after being told she was squeezing you too tightly and reassured you about how much she loved you for you and how awesome you are.

– you weren't sure what caused this reaction or behavior but you weren't complaining

– you were being held and kissed by the Avatar. Who complains about that?

WC: 1,316

[heartfullofleeches]

yes please dear god smile reader is baby

[Very baby. Here's how Yan Scientist and their slime formally met]

"Subject 43? Payment for yesterday's efforts."

"An apple....but you said I could go home."

Feeding day - as if their headache couldn't get any worse. Like common livestock, their possessions squealed and whined about the most senseless things. Pleading for testing to cease; begging to be returned to their families when it was their love ones who sold them to begin with. The scientist would sooner snip out their tongues if it meant a moment of peace, but they were not a tyrant - plus verbal records of their subjects experiences was easier to stomach at night than written. The audio logs had lulled them to sleep better than any pill or liquid could.

"I said it was a possibility - if you did what I asked properly. You may have killed your cellmate, but you did not bring me their eyes. A shame really. I took the time out of my day to prepare your meal by hand. Ah - well, there's someone who will appreciate my efforts more. Tell me, tuna or ham?"

A wet gurgle sounds from the scientist's pocket."

"Both? You greedy devil. I suppose you do deserve something special for putting up with the same pains that I do."

The scientist picks up two sandwiches and smushes them together as the mass in their pocket becomes denser; gooey tendrils slithering up the length of their coat and crawling onto their shoulder as they lift their hand. The blob sucks up the sandwiches into its gelatinous body, wiggling with delight as they're broken down and absorbed into its structure. The scientist pats the gel with one finger causing it to vibrate more violently resulting in a breathy laugh from its owner.

"Alright, we have more subjects to feed. Come on, You - you too."

The scientist snaps their fingers at the Henchman wheeling the cart who closes the cell door as they both exit. The slime creeps down their shirt and through their sleeve as they walk, resting in the scientist's palm. A marvel their little companion was. They wished they had the honor of creating it, but it's origins were a mystery even to them. The scientist found the creature munching away on the undissolved bones of a past test subject. From numerous experiments, the scientist discovered their new lab partner could not only breakdown organic compounds, but most non living object too and had a choice on what it consumed. It made for the perfect little helper to get rid of all the dead bodies and those who oppose them. The best part about the slime was that it had no mouth and therefore the most tolerable member of the team.

The scientist's smile melts as they enter the next cell. The stress that had fled them by the usage of their slime as a stress toy skyrocketed seeing the act of utter betrayal pointed at them. A lackey, standing over a motionless subject - gun raised at their employer. The scientist sighs.

"Please remove your mask."

The Henchman does as told. Figures - there was only one other person the scientist trusted with the codes. They supposed trying to make this a family business was a poor decision.

"Emery - this has got to stop."

A chuckle. "Does it really?"

"You won, just let him go. I know you didn't have the best upbringing, but he still your -"

Emery grits their teeth, squirming the slime so hard it slithers out of their grip. "You don't know shit. If it makes you feel any better, I haven't actually done anything to him - yet. Just locked him down here, with all the others nobody would care to miss. There is no persuading me on this. If you have nothing else to say - do it."

Their Henchman reaches for his gun, Emery rests their hand over his. Through clouded view and reasoning, the figure steadies their gun. They look away, unable to look as they pull the trigger on the once innocent child they knew. Emery doesn't flinch as it fires - a teal web covering the entirety of their chest and dissolving the bullet as soon as it hits. Their attacker looks on in horror, but before they can do anything Emery takes their henchman's gun as their own and fires back, bullet piercing their heart. Emery's head falls, expressionless eyes gazing out at the person left alive - mouthing two words.

"Your fault."

Emery exhales, placing a hand over their chest and gathering the slime into one ball. "One thing after another. Now I have to fire a new head. Eat your meal and return to me when you're done."

They lower the slime to the ground who plops out on the smooth surface - spitting an apple out that rolls at the scientist feet. They pick it up as they walk off, wiping away tears.

-

A picture frame shatters.

"Why would you choose him and not me. Why!?"

The picture holds a smiling, bucktooth child in the arms of their butler as they show off their award for the camera and all to see. The person who taught them everything, the only one there when they had no one. Emery throws an empty bottle at the image, sinking down at the foot of their bed - cradling their arms to their chest.

"why....."

The sound of wet suction weaves into their cries as the slime wrigglies itself beneath the crack in their bedroom door. It inches towards them, shaking violently before spitting up as locket on the floor. Emery goes to grab it, but as they do the smile shoots up their arm and spreads out, and puffs up over their shoulder like a makeshift pillow. Emery cards their fingers their hair, climbing to their feet and pocketing the trinket.

"I guess I do need some rest. Thank you, You. You seem to be the only one I can't trust."

More gurgles.

"I guess I should give you an actual name eventually." They sight - broken body collapsible on their bed and crawling under their blankets with the help of their aid. The slime hops up on their pillow as they raise their head - solidifying as they rest. "Goodnight, You."

That night - Emery had the worse night's rest they ever had in their twenty-seven years of living.

"You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray~"

Is someone ... singing?

"You'll never know, dear. How much I love you-"

The voice sounds so familiar....no... There's more than one. It's hard to remember something so sweet - when all those voices ever did was beg you to stop.

"Please don't take - my sunshine away."

Emery shoots up like a lightning bolt. Their hands search the bed for their glasses which had fallen - finding a squishy, but very real feeling hand beneath their grasp. Emery locates their glasses as the body's see through eyelids peel back.

"Goodnight, You!"

Emery screams - rolling out of the bed in a tanglement of their blankets and obscenities. The interior in the bed sits up, puzzled; bubbles floating through their translucent body as their anxiety peaks.

"Emery.....this you?" The figure points, noting the odd number of fingers on its hand as it looks at theirs. "Mmm wrong...."

Emery's eyes widen as the slime's sixth finger merges into the fifth. "Y-you?...."

The slime chirps. "Emery!"

Emery looks strength in their knees. "What? How?..."

"Ahhh.... You - eat meal... gr...ow better at shape. Too much at one time - hard to understand. Able to single out things Emery say - Emery is... the only one I can trust."

Emery clutches their head. "Ngh..."

"Help?" The slime lunges foward, reverting to its natural state as it crashes into the floor and forming back into its humanoid shell as it catches them before they stumble. It was hard to notice with half of them hanging off the bed, but the slime was massive - size their size if they had to estimate. They bury their face into their hands. "This can't be happy.

The smlie's droppy smile falters. "Wrong? Wanted to make you happy. I..will go back if it makes you happy. Sad Emery...makes me sad too."

Emery looks up at the slime. They raise out their hand, stroking the slime's cold cheek. It hums with a full body shutter - leaning into their palm until their fingers poke through the membrane. Emery retracts their hand, sliding it into their now empty pocket.

"It's fine. I guess we really need to pick a name for you now."

"Mm I pick?"

"Do you have something in mind?"

"Y/n!"

"Where'd you pick up that one?"

The slime points to their head. "Memories. I... like it the most out of them."

"I see... Y/n, it's cute. Alright, Y/n - let's go get some breakfast."

The slime spits a small bag from its stomach contents onto its hand, giving the trail mix too them. That's much more alarming when it's coming out a real mouth and tongue.

"Breakfast!"

Emery takes it with two fingers, holding the dripping bag away from their face. "Thank you, Y/n......at least I have you by my side."

[soulkeeper801]

Never Too Much - Mina

Requested:  Reader overhears Mina talking about how she’s too clingy sometimes, so reader starts being distant towards her

Mina x f!reader

Angst, fluff

Words:  559

"I mean, she can be clingy sometimes," Mina said, her tone laced with frustration. "Don't get me wrong, I love her, but I just need some space, you know?"

You sat alone on the park bench, the autumn leaves falling gently around you. The chill in the air matched the heaviness in your heart. It had been days since that fateful conversation, the one that shattered your world. You overheard Mina talking to her friend about how she felt you were too clingy at times. Those words echoed in your mind, replaying over and over like a broken record.

The realization hit you hard, like a punch to the gut. You thought everything was going well between you two, but now doubt crept into your every thought. You questioned your actions, your words, and your affection. Had you been suffocating her? Was your love too much for her to handle?

Unable to face the pain head-on, you resorted to a different strategy. You decided to give her space, to be less present, less involved. You believed that if you distanced yourself, she would see that you could change, that you could be less clingy. But it wasn't as easy as you had hoped.

Days turned into weeks, and each moment of silence felt like a knife twisting deeper into your soul. You avoided her calls, ignored her messages, and made excuses not to see her. You convinced yourself it was for the best, that you were doing the right thing by giving her the space she needed.

Mina noticed the change in your demeanor and tried to reach out, her voice pleading. "What's wrong, love? Is something bothering you?" she asked, concern etched on her face. But the words that had wounded you so deeply remained unspoken, trapped within your aching heart.

Late one evening, Mina approached you tentatively. "Please, talk to me," she implored, her eyes brimming with tears. "I feel like I'm losing you, and I don't understand why."

Your voice trembled as you struggled to find the words. "I overheard you, Mina. I heard what you said about me being too clingy," you confessed, pain lacing your voice. "I didn't want to be a burden to you, so I distanced myself."

Mina's face contorted with regret and sorrow. "Oh, love, I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I was just frustrated at that moment, but it doesn't mean I love you any less. You're not a burden to me; you're my everything."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you looked into Mina's sincere gaze. In that moment, you realized that love wasn't about perfection or fitting into someone else's mold. It was about understanding and accepting each other, flaws and all.

You nodded, feeling the weight of your own mistakes lift off your shoulders. "I missed you too, Mina. I'm sorry for pushing you away."

Mina shook her head at your words, her voice still filled with regret, “No, I’m sorry for making you feel this way,” she said, wrapping you in her embrace. “Please believe me when I say you’re my life and I couldn’t even bear the thought of losing you, I need more than you can imagine”.

She left a tender kiss on your lips and pressed her forehead against yours. She could never live without having you by her side.

[bcacstuff]

Hi. Does he think he's a Hollywood star? Doesn't he see what's going on around him? He continues to walk around as if it were nothing, his career is at an end and he doesn't see it. Starz already is replacing him with his father (the actor who will play Jamie's father). The mothers are already sighing for him. Starz no longer cares because they know people will want to see the end of OL. It will soon be SH who? Does he think he will be beautiful and attractive all his life? I'm sorry he wasted the opportunity he had in his hands. I think his future will be sad, when he sees that he has nothing. And with that, friends will disappear and so will the girls. He will be alone, how will he deal with it?

I had to think about your message today and to be honest your messages contains some things I have been thinking about for a longer while.

I was a bit hesitant to publish your message and question, as i'm sure some will just see it as negativity or criticism they don't like to see and say how good, lovely, hot whatever he is.

I'm aware there are some in the comments that are always quite negative and just like to be negative about everything and will say he's mediocre, has a self inflated ego and all these sort of statements that make them more sound like a broken record without adding any real substance.

These two opposites constantly collide and their way of 'discussing' only widen the gap between these 2 'opinions'. I've put opinions and discussing between quotes here, as I don't feel they're real opinions anymore and their discussions don't lead anywhere else than trying to upset the other.

Anyway, I don't see your message as such Anon. I think you make some good points, that to me are worth to discuss in a good way and we, or the people in the comments might differ here and there in their opinions or views on things. But that is just what helps broaden the view on what we see.

You ask, 'doesn't he see what's going on around him?'. I actually think or perhaps hope he does see it and it is a subject he might worry about, talk about with people, how to turn things around, or maybe better said, how to move forward from here. I think he knows it in his heart, but he doesn't show it. And I can understand he doesn't show it, I wouldn't either if I were him and keep that inside. And silently would look for opportunities and work on creating these opportunities to get to a next step.

Is his career already at an end though? As you state it Anon, and I can understand why you come to that conclusion. Because of what we've seen. An actor that started to get momentum when he landed his role in Outlander, good looks and a series that had great appeal. It opened doors and he got some good chances, use that momentum to build that wanted career into something bigger. But it didn't came to that. Was it his acting, was it the sort movies he chose, or the roles he played? Or was it a combination of it all? Something that can be discussed endlessly and everyone will have their own views on it, but the conclusion is it didn't land him as an A lister or big HW star.

And yes, I see what you mean, and agree Starz knows they need their new hunk, another heartthrob for their stable. Something Sam has been for a long time now but they know it wont last much longer that way. He can't rely on his looks all his life and I'm sure he knows that himself as well.

The 'friends' he surrounded himself with, we've had that discussion here many times. And it's a given fact, when you're successful you have thousands of 'friends' but the real friends are those that are still around when the success starts to fade. Personally I think he let himself get too much into the trap of 'how can we monetize this' and the 'friends' that 'helped' him with that. Made him believe in his own hype and how he could (or should?) use that to turn it into some sort of empire. Just a look at his IG shows it all the way to you. And no, I don't say his IG is who he really is, but it is the image he puts out there and it's far from the image he had when he started out as an actor.

And at itself there's nothing wrong with it, anyone would make hay while the sun shines. You'd be dumb if you didn't. The question is more, to what price? And here I think it might have gotten a bit out of hand and too far. How dedicated is he still about his craft, how passionate? I miss that passion for his craft to be honest. Earlier interviews showed his passion, the way he talked about a character he played or the ideas he had. Today it is more like he studied his lines and sounds like a broken record in interviews. Just sometimes I see a little glimpse of the passion.

I do however think, he's still trying. These photoshoots last week, the fact that we saw JA present, it made me think. I can almost hear the conversation, how he wants pics of him out there that are not the Jamie/OL related ones but show a different face, a different side? Try to get projects interested in him. But I just don't think a photoshoot is enough. I said it a little while ago, he's distanced himself from the industry, from his craft. We've seen nothing since TCND wrapped that was acting related in any way. We've not seen him interacting with people in the industry or at events connecting with them.

He has nothing up his sleeves acting wise. I know, you come at me and say how would I know that. I don't, I admit, I'm not his agent. But really the signs we see are that there is nothing. And yes, he has OL for the next 8 months or so, and he said things like he might have a break afterwards... but is that really true? Or is he afraid there will be nothing?

Long answer, I know Anon. And I hope we can have some good and healthy discussions in the comments. Not the ones that sound like broken records without any substance, but thoughts that we can all contemplate about. And at the end of the day consider that we can think and discuss a lot, but only the future will tell.

[nackrosor]

Mornin' Sunshine

John 'Soap' MacTavish x Teammate!Reader

warnings/tags: MAJOR MW3 SPOILERS, this is all I can say. If you played/watched the new campaign then you know what happened during the last mission. That's all you need to know.

summary: you partake in the "Trojan Horse" mission to stop Makarov once and for all. You're not able to stop him but you prevent thousands of people to die... at the cost of something much more dear to you.

word count: 1,9k.

You’ve been cut off and held back by those Konni bastards while you were heading toward your team to rejoin. You have to cut through their unrelenting forces, losing precious time, until you can dive deeper into the tunnels and rush to aid your mates.

When you finally make it, it’s already too late. The fire has ceased, there’s no Konni in sight anymore nor do you see Makarov anywhere. Your eyes dart for a fleeting moment over all the bodies laying around and with relief you notice more enemies than familiar faces.

Your relief however is short lived for when you raise your gaze, you meet the forlorn looks on the captain, Gaz, Ghost’s faces… They're all standing in front of something, as if their intention is to block it from your view. You immediately notice that Soap is missing and you take a step forward, craning your neck as if expecting to see his face pop up from behind someone’s shoulder.

Price instantly makes a beeline toward you when he sees you move. His hand comes down hard to rest on your shoulder. Your perplexed look meets his intense gaze. There’s something wrong, you can feel it… Something must have happened, but you can't yet seem to understand what. 

Your eyes flicker from face to face, your frown growing harder.

"Where's Johnny?" you ask softly, your voice failing you for a moment as if it knows something you don’t.

Upon seeing the worried glances they give each other you can feel your breathing quicken and your stomach starting to churn in anxiety. There's a horrible thought slowly taking form in the recesses of your mind but you try your best to suppress it… because it can't be true. No. It can't be. 

"Where… is… Johnny?" your voice is louder now and you stress each word on purpose, making it clear that you demand an answer. Your hard gaze roams over your partners' faces once more but again, you’re only met with distraught looks and silence.

You move to step around Price's body, who's clearly - now you realize - trying to hold you in place.

"Y/N, you shouldn't-" 

He tries to stop you but you're growing restless, anxiety eating at you from inside and so you shove your captain out of the way without a second thought.

Your stomach drops the moment you see him. Your heart misses a beat. You can feel the air getting pushed out of your lungs. 

Despite your knees buckling, you drag yourself forward like attracted to a magnet, stumbling toward the inert body laying on the ground in a puddle of blood. His head is turned to the other side but you recognize him. How couldn't you? You've lovingly run your hands through that stupid mohawk so many times… 

"No…"

A strained lament escapes your lips before your hands fly up to cover your mouth.

This time it's Ghost who steps in your way, taking advantage of your shock to wrap his strong hands around your forearms in order to prevent you from both stepping further and collapsing on the ground. 

Your head is shaking in a frantic manner, your breathing growing more ragged by the second. Your eyes are wide open, blood turning to ice in your veins as panic takes hold of you.

"No, no, no, no…" 

You sound like a broken record. You can't seem to be able to say anything else. Your mind is empty. Your tongue tied. 

Your fingers turn white at the force you use to grab Ghost's vest. You want to shove him out of the way too but this time your arms fail you.

"Fuck off! Get out of my fucking way!" you start yelling at him, forcefully hitting him on his chest with your hands clenched into fists. You don't even know what you're saying or what you're doing. You have no control over the way your body is responding to the shock and grief. 

Ghost doesn't flinch, he keeps holding you in place. Your eyes meet his for a fleeting moment and you notice the hurt in them. That rare sight only worsens your distraught state. 

Your head starts shaking again, from side to side, rejecting this heinous turn of events - as if you're unwillingness to accept what's happening would change things, bring him back… back to you. It's as if you're expecting him to turn around and flash you one of those smirks of his and tell you that it was only a joke, a fucking horrible not funny at all joke… You wouldn't care. You would jump in his arms and hug him tight, delaying the scolding for later.

"Let me… Let me see him." you say quietly, feeling a lump forming in your throat as you reluctantly shake that remote fantasy off your mind.

"LET ME SEE HIM." 

You're switching from subdued anguish to pure rage real quick, back and forth without control. 

Ghost's hold on you doesn't budge, despite your every attempt to disentangle yourself from his clench. 

You hear the sound of Price's voice but the sharp ringing in your ears makes you unable to decipher his words. You can only feel Ghost's hands releasing you a moment after. You don't hesitate even a second to rush to the body and drop on your knees beside him. 

Your arms reach for him out of reflex, like you would always do whenever you saw him. But this time he's not returning the gesture. He can't. He won't move. 

Your hands visibly tremble as you reach over to grab his head and turn it your way. Your heart stops once again. You feel something gnawing at the mouth of your stomach, a weight settling there. 

"Johnny…" you call out to him in a soft whisper just like you would do every morning to wake him up while running your fingers along his features and through his dark hair. 

"Johnny…" 

He would always wake up in an instant, as if your touch was the power button to his body. And he would greet you with that beautiful smile of his that would light up even the darkest of days. And he would caress your face, eyes gazing adoringly at you before he would whisper: "Mornin' sunshine."

Your hands cup his cheeks as you lean forward to level your face with his. Your eyes search his bottomless blue gems, but all you're met with is a blank look, a lifeless look. There’s no spark anymore. No lighting up upon seeing your face like after each mission when you would rejoin.

You grab his hands in yours. The same hands that have comforted you, protected you, pleased you, worshiped every inch of your body… His touch was always warm. You would joke about it with him. He had once proclaimed himself your personal radiator and pulled your shaking body against his, simply to have another reason to touch you. 

You bring one calloused palm to your face, longing for that same comfort again… but its warmth is fading. His hand is growing cold. The touch is foreign to you. You don't recognize it anymore. 

"Please… Wake up …"

You're deliberately avoiding looking at the hole in his forehead. It's like your brain is preventing you from even getting a glimpse of it. If you don't see it, it's not there. Right? It's not there. 

Just like the crimson blood leaking from his head is not his. No. No… He's killed plenty of those bastards. It’s their blood. And he's now taking a well deserved rest… Yes. That must be it. He's simply resting. With his eyes open… his pupils unmoving… 

You bend even forward, arms wrapping around his body, turning him toward you. You pull him closer, holding him tight in your embrace. You cradle his lifeless shell, rocking back and forth in a frantic, desperate motion. 

"Johnny… Oh, love… Please… No…. "

Your voice breaks due to the lump tightening in your throat. Your vision starts to blur and you squeeze your eyes closed as you nuzzle your face against his head. Your hot tears merge with his blood smeared on your skin. You feel its metallic taste on your lips but you don't care. You keep cradling him, pressing his body closer to yours as if you want to absorb him into you, to become one thing. To always have him with you. 

Incomprehensible laments leave your lips without respite, your cries subdued and muffled by his flesh. You hold onto his frame for dear life as if you're hanging on by a thread. 

Your mates silently watch the heart wrenching scene of you mourning your lover, incapable of saying or doing anything that could bring you any comfort. They're mourning too, in their own way. You all have just lost someone too important. 

" Why … Why you… How dare you … How dare you leave me… I'm sorry … I'm sorry I couldn't save you… It should have been me … You don’t deserve it… I love you … I love you so much… Please don't leave me alone …" 

Your pain surges out of you like a river in flood. Your voice swaying from shock to anger, from regret to desperation… 

You can't believe he's gone. You can't accept it. His life taken from him in a blink of an eye as if he was worth nothing. You should be used to it, to the swiftness of lives getting taken on the field, each day. But when it's the person you love the most succumbing to such a crude unfair death… You can't accept it. You won't accept it. 

"I will kill him with my own two hands, Johnny… I swear." you whisper against his ear as if you're confessing a secret, your fingers digging hard in his clothes as your voice trembles with pure rage. "I will wrap my hands around his neck and squeeze… squeeze until I can feel his life leave his worthless body. Until I can see his eyes roll back.” The words come out of you in one breath, spat with venom through your teeth. 

“I promise you that."

"Y/N…" 

You hear Price's warm voice call out to you. The hint of protest in his tone makes you snap your head in his direction and pin him with a wild- eyed look filled with anguish.

"I WILL KILL HIM." you scream in an outburst of fury, then as if all your forces have suddenly left your body, your shoulders slump and your head drops back against your lover's limp form. 

You don't say anything anymore, the only sound coming from you is that of intermittent sobs. You hold desperately onto his body, brushing your lips against his cold skin, tenderly kissing his unresponsive lips. You hug him close until he's taken away from you. Or rather, until you're torn away from him by more than a pair of strong hands. You never lose him from your sight, watching with dread as he's secured into a bag and carried away. 

Seeing his motionless body being handled and dragged away like that is excruciating and it serves as the final blow draining you of your last ounce of vitality; he’s really dead. You won’t see him again, talk to him, hug him, kiss him… You’ve just lost the lifeblood to your existence, the ray of sunshine brightening up your days and propelling you to keep going.

You start to feel faint. Your vision flickering and turning black, your body slumping forward toward the ground. 

You see Johnny. Yes, your Johnny , promptly kneeling down in front of you, ready to catch you in his arms, to comfort you, take care of you. You smile feebly at the familiarity of the scene, before you close your eyes and abandon yourself to the darkness.

MORE STORIES 🥀

[Also consider leaving a tip here on Tumblr or buying me a ☕ if you particularly like what you read. Thank you! 🥀]

A.N: I lost someone too recently, so this story was a medium to express my feelings and cope with what happened, in some way. I hope you enjoyed it, as much as a story this sad can be "enjoyed". Also, despite the circumstances I'm happy to be back after months of writer' block.

[transvampireboyfriend]

part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5 - part 6 - part 7 - part 8

Eddie's staring. He's throwing twigs into the fire and his eyes are fixed on Steve and Robin across from him, their hands intertwined. He smiles when he sees Steve tugging on them.

He's so sweet. Eddie sounds like a broken record even to himself but he can't help it, Steve is something else.

"So, I see your bandana found its way somewhere unexpected" Nancy teases beside him, probably noticing him staring.

Eddie can feel himself blushing and he's thankful for the hot flames in front of them.

"He took it from me." he tells her, "Felt like I was about to have a heart attack,"

Nancy laughs at him, "I get that. I felt a little overwhelmed sometimes. ...Though maybe not in the best way," she winces.

Eddie winces sympathetically.

He can't exactly relate, being very physical himself, but she's told him about feeling like she was never giving enough in her past relationships, because that kind of closeness just didn't come naturally to her. At least not as much as she felt her partners needed it.

And Eddie knows what is like to try to fake or exaggerate how you feel just because it's expected of you.

This is the kind of seemingly small thing where they find common ground between them, even when they appear so different to everyone else. This is the kind of thing that allowed them to become best friends against all odds.

"Do you... still feel that way?" Eddie asks, now arranging the logs as the fire picks up,

"Like I don't necessarily wanna go around hugging everyone in my path? Yeah," she says,

Eddie snickers, "I meant, with Robs. Do you still feel like it's not enough?"

Nancy looks up to where Steve is now kissing the back of Robin's palms and smiles fondly at them.

"Not really." she says, looking into the fire,"I suspect she might be similar to me, but- I haven't even told her, so," she shrugs, "who knows,"

Eddie hums.

"But it definitely doesn't feel like I have to." she adds, "The way it sometimes felt with other friends who were girls too. And that's good. ...Different. But good."

When she looks back at Eddie, he smiles at her.

From what she's told him she used to be a little bit more open, a little bit more comfortable, before Barb.

Eddie understands that too, unfortunately, the way losing someone like that changes you, without you noticing right away. How it shows up in little things, sneaks up on you, changes you in small irreversible ways.

He's proud of Nancy, and so honored when she does choose to get close to him, like earlier at the lake.

"Good," he repeats, she smiles.

"Well? " she asks, "are you gonna tell me what he said or what?"

Eddie laughs and tells her how Steve stole borrowed his bandana.

"I think he was flirting?" he ventures,

"He was definitely flirting," Nance confirms, "I knew it, I knew he was into you!" she says, reminding Eddie of the many times she's said it before, "You're gonna be great together," she tells him, in her teasing tone again,

"Woah! " Eddie laughs, "We don't even know for sure that he likes me like that!" he says, but his heart still beats a little faster at the prospect of him and Steve being 'together'.

"I do know! For sure." Nance insists,

"Alright, Miss 'I'm not gonna tell my crush I like her ',"

Eddie earns a smack to the back of his head for that one.

"Shut up. I'm not gonna-" she starts,

Eddie knows this talk like the back of his hand by now: she doesn't want to pressure Robin, she's going back out of the state soon, she has no experience with other girls, she doesn't want to ruin what they have and she doesn't want to make Steve uncomfortable.

In the end, it all boils down to 'complicated', but if their tales are to be believed (and Eddie does believe them), their lives have never not been complicated.

"I get it," Eddie offers, but apparently Nancy wasn't heading that way,

"I think I'm... scared." she says, "Of what I'm doing,"

Eddie stops moving the logs and turns to her fully.

"How do you mean?" he prompts her,

"Well, I'm doing everything I can not to tell her," she says, "I'm trying my best to keep us from- from just ending up together you know?" she moves her hands as she talks, "but what if- maybe that's the only way we'll be together? maybe I'm wasting our chances to be happy?" she asks, Eddie tilts his head, 

"It won't change a lot." Nancy explains, "Wether I tell her or not, I'll still leave and I'll still come back, but maybe if I tell her, then leaving and staying away and coming back will be better? Easier? God, I'm not making any sense" Nancy finishes,

Eddie huffs, switching from his crouch to sit cross legged in front of her, the same way they've done on both of their bedroom floors countless times.

"I think I can see where you're going" Eddie assures her, "but it doesn't have to make sense to me, if it makes sense to you," he tells her,

She nods.

"I guess," she tries, "I'm saying- my life's better with her. And it's getting harder and harder to convince myself that more of her might be bad,"

"Maybe it wouldn't be." Eddie reminds her.

Nancy sighs "And I'm gonna miss her." she adds, "I'm gonna miss her so much. I already do sometimes,"

Eddie hates the helpless expression on her face,

"Permission to take your hand?" he requests,

It makes Nancy chuckle, "Sometimes i hate you," she tells him jokingly, and offers her hand palm up,

Eddie holds it in his own hand, "I know." he says,

"Look, Nance, I know it's all jumbled up, and I really wish I could untangle it for you..." he tells her, meaning every word, "but I think this is just how it always is? It's always a little messy, a little all over the place, there's never gonna be a clear easy road that leads straight to the right thing."

Eddie squeezes her hand, "But I think there are roads where you can enjoy the ride despite all of the bumps and the detours... because it's worth it to do it with whomever's sitting on the passenger seat, for however long they do," Eddie turns to look at Steve and Robin roasting marshmallows just across from them.

Or trying to.

"They would burn this place to the ground if we let them" Nancy comments, off topic.

Eddies snorts, looking away from the gooey mess all over Robin's hands and back at his best friend.

Trying to contain his laughter, he attempts to get back on track, "My point is," he tries, "if she's making the whole trip better, maybe the bumps and the detours don't really matter that much. Maybe you can still invite her to come with,"

Nancy watches Robin attempt to wipe her hands on Steve's jeans and then chase him down to the lake shore after Steve dodges her. Her smile softens as she turns to Eddie.

"That's smart" she tells him,

Eddie hums " 'm not just a pretty face" he says, wagging his eyebrows and opening his arms like he's offering himself up

Nancy snorts, "Dork." she calls him.

Eddie laughs in response. After a bit, he offers,

"Also, you don't have to 'just end up together'. It can be on purpose, you know?"

Nancy hums, "It's never been that way" she muses.

"It's new." Eddie confirms, nodding.

Nancy smiles, "Yeah, new," she repeats.

She gets up then and steals one of the marshmallow bags from the abandoned log where Steve and Robin were sitting.

She opens it and pops one into her mouth as she comes back to sit down next to Eddie, both of them facing the fire now.

She offers the bag to Eddie and he silently takes one, watching as Steve walks back to them, with Robin trailing after him and shaking water off her hands.

"If I tell her, will you let him know? about your crush?" Nancy attempts,

Steve looks up then, catches Eddie staring and Eddie stops himself from looking away, eager to see how Steve will react.

Steve blinks a few times, and a smile blooms in his reddening cheeks, Eddie smiles back.

"I think he already does," he answers.

🪵🔥🪵

Once Argyle and Jonathan are back with two bowls of popcorn, they all bring the big logs closer to the fire and sit down to roast their marshmallows and eat s'mores.

After a bit of easy conversation amongst the group, Argyle turns to his left, where Eddie's sitting.

"Alright," he says, "Types of hat, Eddie. Go." 

"Uhh- Motorcycle helmet" Eddie says, catching on quickly and wiping melted chocolate off the corner of his mouth.

He turns to Nance and raises his eyebrows to prompt her to take her turn,

"Top hat" Nancy says, and looks to Robin, sitting left of her,

"Cap." Robin says, "Baseball cap. Whatever" she adds, chewing on her s'more and elbowing Steve to continue,

"Uh- Backwards cap?" Steve asks, more than says,

Eddie snorts loudly, earning a squint and a mean smile from Steve that makes him want to melt.

Everyone talks at the same time then,

"Already? We just started! We-" Nancy says,

"Dingus! You can't-" Robin protests,

"That is not-" Jonathan starts,

Argyle stands and puts an arm out, like a king demanding silence from his court. A hush immediately falls over them and they all look to him expectantly.

"I'll allow it" Argyle says,

The group erupts into objections to the decision as Steve waves his fist in victory and smirks at Eddie.

Eddie playfully returns his earlier squint and mouths "Favoritism." at him.

Steve lets his jaw drop and puts a hand to his chest. Eddie snickers at his offended expression as Argyle explains his decision,

"It's a different fashion statement. Your whole vibe changes if you're wearing one or the other, therefore they're different hats." he says, sitting back down and looking to his right, prompting Jonathan to continue their game.

"Okay, then, if it's like that," Jon says, "then I'm gonna say bicycle helmet," he states, looking around their circle like he's expecting someone to protest.

Nancy squints, but doesn't say anything, Robin purses her lips, Eddie shrugs and Steve offers Jonathan an encouraging smile.

Argyle says "Yeah, that works!", nodding.

Jonathan shrugs, "Alright, then." he says, putting his hand out in front of Argyle like he's ushering him into a room.

"Beanie" Argyle supplies easily.

All eyes are on Eddie now.

Shoot. He got so caught up in their debate, he's not ready.

"Uuhh-" Eddie stammers,

"Uh-oh" Steve teases across from him,

Eddie automatically flips him the bird while he thinks. He only half hears Steve's answering chuckle.

Fuck. What's a hat?

"20 seconds" Jonathan threatens,

"Eddie?" Argyle prompts at the same time.

Eddie lifts his hand in a stopping gesture,

"No, no, no, no, no, I have one. Wait, wait."

"10 seconds," Nancy says, the traitor,

"Beret!" Eddie exclaims, jumping out of his seat, "A beret!" he repeats excitedly,

"Fuck!" Robin whispers,

To her left, Steve beams up at him. Eddie gets a little lost in it for a bit.

Until Nancy snaps him out of it,

"Does a headband count?" she asks Argyle,

Oh, here we go, Eddie thinks, already excited for more debating,

He takes his seat again as Argyle hums pensively,

"This is not part of my time" Nancy warns,

Argyle hums in agreement, but doesn't say anything yet,

"Because, does it have to be on top of the head or just touching it?" Jonathan asks, like he's somehow broadcasting what Argyle's internal debate is like,

"If it's just touching it, then any hair accessory would count" Robin points out,

"If it has to be on top of the head, some hair accessories would still count" Steve says,

"Stevie's right" Eddie agrees, "if that's what it takes, then my scrunchie counts,"

"That's mine???" Nancy protests,

"Sorry", Eddie amends, "Nancy's scrunchie. That I'm using. Because she so graciously let me borrow it,"

He turns to Nancy for her appproval and she nods.

"Yeah, that's better", she says,

Behind her, Robin's looking at her with a shy smile, but Eddie keeps his mouth shut.

He does catch Steve's eye though, and Steve playfully shoots him an eye roll. Eddie chuckles.

"A fascinator is a hat," Argyle is saying, "but a hair clip can't be a hat"

"A fascinator is not a hat," Robin protests,  "isn't that in like, the definition?"

"But it has a certain hatness to it" Argyle says, to sounds of agreement all around,

"What is a hat?" Eddie voices his earlier thought,

"Jesus, and we're not even high yet" Steve says,

Eddie dissolves into a fit of giggles.

"It has to cover the head." Jon says,

"The whole head?" Argyle asks,

"There are mini top hats" Nancy supplies,

That does not help with Eddie's giggles. In fact, Steve seems to be affected too, chuckling with his nose scrunched up,

"So, not the whole head," Jon concludes, "What about crowns?"

"Oh no," Steve says, burying his face on Robin's shoulder, his giggling getting worse,

"A crown is not a hat!" Robin says,

Nancy gasps and Eddie's giggles die in favor of the drama happening around him,

Steve straightens up again to look at Robin,

"What ?!"

"It's not ! There's a hole in there!" Robin says,

"It goes all around the head!" Steve protests,

Eddie's head is moving back and forth like he's watching a ping pong match.

"So does a headband!"

"But the crown is on top of the head!"

"What's a visor then?" Jonathan interjects, everyone turns to him, then back at Robin,

Steve raises his eyebrows,

"Fine." Robin concedes, "but I'm drawing the line at tiaras,"

"Oh, god." Eddie says, putting his head in his hands dramatically, Steve snorts,

Nancy, apparently enjoying torturing them, says

"Okay then, for my turn, I'm choosing headphones,"

Eddie bursts out laughing, Robin giggles a little and everyone else groans,

"I hate this game" Jonathan says.

Nancy giggles too,

"Sorry. Sorry! No. I'll say one of those that the guards in England use,"

"You can't just say it like that, you have to say the name of it," Eddie teases her,

"You all know what I mean!" she protests,

"What's the name of it, Nance?" Eddie insists,

"You don't know what they're called," she accuses,

Eddie gasps, but quickly drops the act,

"Touché." he concedes.

"I know what they're called!" Robin says, but when Nancy turns to her she says, "Actually I don't, no I don't, I've never been to England, how would I know?" she stammers,

Eddie presses his lips together in a hard line to stop himself from laughing.

Nancy shakes her head with a smile,

"You can say it!" she tells Robin.

Robin shakes her head, "Nu-uh." she says, "...And I choose a birthday hat."

"And don't copy me." she adds, softly punching Steve's arm,

"I wasn't going to. Cowboy hat" Steve says, and when he catches Eddie's eyes again he winks.

Jesus fuck. Eddie's not going to think about it. He does not want to see Steve in cowboy boots and a long sleeve button down and tight jeans and a stupid fucking cowboy hat. Goddamn it.

"Hard hat," Jonathan says,

"Straw hat," Argyle follows,

"Pirate hat," Eddie says,

"Detective hat," Nancy says,

"Wait, what's that? "Robin asks,

"Like the old timey ones with the little bow on top?" Nancy explains,

Robin still looks puzzled,

"They're made of tweed usually? and they have flaps on the sides that are pulled up?" Steve supplies, mimicking the flaps with his hands,

He's so cute, Eddie thinks,

"Oh, oh ! Yeah, yeah. I see it." Robin says, then, "That has a name too."

Nancy grins, "What is it?" she asks,

"It's, um, a deerstalker" Robin says, staring at her, "It's used for hunting. Sometimes."

"Cool." Nancy says, she doesn't stop smiling at Robin, "How do you know that?" she asks, making her blush a little,

"Oh, I uh- must've read it somewhere," Robin says, nodding, then, "My turn. Um, sailor hat" she smirks at Steve, finally tearing her eyes awat from Nance.

Steve rolls his eyes again but laughs softly, then says,

"The one the pope wears,"

Jonathan says "Graduation hat",

"Park Ranger hat," Argyle continues,

"What's our stance on things that can be hats but aren't always?" Eddie asks,

The group groans again,

"Everything can be a hat" Nancy says,

"Not everything," Eddie says, turning to her,

"Yes. Everything." Nancy insists, turning to face him fully,

"No. There are things that can't be hats," Eddie counters,

"Like what?"

"Uh- a bird ?"

"A bird can definitely be a hat," Nancy says, to the group's assent,

"A whale?"

"If you're big and strong enough, yeah,"

"A planet?" Eddie tries,

"Again, if you're big and strong enough,"

"A galaxy?"

"Probably, but let's say everything on Earth, then" Nance concedes,

"Soap?"

"Shoot." she says,

"Ah-ha! " Eddie points at her, triumphant,

"Everything solid then."

"Ice?" Eddie shoots,

"Yeah, you can make a hat out of ice" Nancy says, no hesitation,

"And wear it?"

"Yeah, in the North Pole or something," she says,

She's good, this is part of why she's his best friend, but Eddie gets distracted by her answer,

"Hmm, are fictional hats allowed?" he asks Argyle,

"Yeah" Argyle nods,

"Ok, Santa hat, then," Eddie says.

"Elf hat," Nancy follows,

"Ms. Claus hat?" Robin tries, looking around uncertainly. Everyone nods.

"A towel" Steve says, to overwhelming approval from the group,

"Oooh" Robin says, impressed,

"Oh wow, yeah." Jonathan agrees,

"Stevie, you're so smart" Eddie says,

"Shudup" Steve counters, used to being made fun of,

"I'm serious! !!" Eddie insists, "I think that one wins,"

"You can't win this game," Jonathan chimes in, "we only lose and then we have to start over,"

"Well, in my heart, you won, Stevie," Eddie says, without thinking,

He should regret it once the group starts snickering and teasing him but, honestly? They're right.

He keeps his eyes on Steve while they all react and smiles at him. Steve beams again.

"He sure did," Nancy says, the only one who dares brave the consequences.

Eddie feels his blush color his cheeks again and turns to stick his tongue out at her.

"Okay, whatever." he tells her, before turning to Jon and Argyle,

"Where are the joints?" he asks, effectively moving them along.

part 7

[forestshadow-wolf]

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

"How?" Soap whispers the broken word after a nameless amount of time, bags and food and everything else had been long forgotten. "You didn't come back. They- they gave me your tags." The words no less broken than before.

Simon opens his mouth to say something but nothing comes out, his lips seal again. Johnny can see in his eyes some inner turmoil, like simon doesn't quite know how to explain. A lock of sandy blond hair falls over his forehead, nearly reaching his eyes. Simon will probably want it cut soon, he doesn't like it getting too long, especially since he said it makes the mask uncomfortable. Simon's not wearing the mask, he realizes.

It's that thought that makes him realize he really could have never seen that hair again, his eyes water but the tears don't fall. Johnny sniffles, nosing into Simon's neck. He feels small, like he's a kid again and just woken from a nightmare. He runs his hands through that hair, over his neck, along his arm, down his torso, feeling just to feel. And simon smells like simon. Alive. And safe. And at home. Simon is alive and is wrapped as tightly around johnny as he is around simon.

"Kate's wife, Joan" johnny had no idea where this was going, but he stayed silent. "she's also CIA, 11 weeks, and 4 days ago her team found me while they were looking for someone else. They found me wandering the woods in some sort of daze. I must've hit my head in the explosion 'cus I don't remember much for the first couple days after." The more words out of Simon's mouth, the more worry worms into soap's gut. It was supposed to be a simple milk run, get the target and get out, simple. None of this... explosion shit. "They had to put me into a medically induced coma for 2 weeks. I have no records so they had no idea who I was. That's why they didn't cantact you or price. Laswell works hand to keep my record scrubbed, so Joan couldn't exactly tell them who I was. But she helped get me back here herself, stocked the fridge with easy meals, made sure I wouldn't accidentally kill myself, but she couldn't stay any longer, only had one day. I was still kinda fuzzy after that, couldn't barely figure out how to get myself food and water, much less work a phone.. I was sleeping most of the time anyway. I did try to call a few weeks back, but I think either the power went out and the router needs to be reset or the router broke or something, I don't know any of that stuff but I got no signal, and I haven't exactly been able to get around to looking at it, and the car's at base obviously so..." simon scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"I'm so reading the report you give to price. How'd you even manage to fit an explosion bad enough to give you amnesia on a simple in and out mission?"

Johnny opended his mouth to say something else, but simon beat him to it. "And before you ask, Joan and Kate don't share anything about their cases with eachother.. plus I think Joan's tean found me somewhere classified or something. She wasn't allowed to say anything. Also I'mnot the one who caused the explosion, so don'tblame me." He closed his mouth.

Johnny hugged him again, "you're alive." He whispered, "I missed you." And simon hugged him tighter.

"How long'd you get sent on leave?" Johnny mumbled something into his neck, sounding disgruntled. "C'mon, johnny, can't hear you like that." Simon smiled.

"Whose to say I got sent here." He huffed, Simon laughed

"Because if you'd have listened to me you'd have been here a month ago. C'mon how long?" Simon prodded.

"... 6 weeks."Simon whistled at that.

"What'd ya do to get that long?"

"... beat up one of the first day recruits." He grumbled, "but they were talkin' a loada gob 'bout you." He sank deeper into a pout.

"Defending my honor? And they say chivalry is dead, thank you." Simon kissed the top of his head.

Should I make a part 3?

[thana-topsy]

Ok I gotta come out and say it. I envy you. Like, to a painful extent. The amount of people you get interested in your characters, how you're incredibly skilled in both visual art AND writing, how readers your fics have. I absolutely adore your work, but seeing it fills me with so much envy it's honestly ridiculous.

Did you deal with similar feelings towards other creators when you started writing fic by any chance? If so, how did you deal with those feelings? I feel genuinely stuck feeling worthless about my fics. I'm not as verbose with my language despite over 10 years of writing under my belt and it seems as though my plots don't interest people as much either. So I feel like there's just nothing of worth about any of my work.

I know that this is a lot to dump on you, but I felt like I would burst keeping this all in. Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful New Year!

Hey there my friend, I've been sitting with this all day trying to decide how I want to answer you. I genuinely appreciate your honesty, because I know this is a familiar feeling for a lot of people, myself included.

I remember when I first rejoined Tumblr in early 2019, desperately trying to find anyone to talk to about TES, I would look at all these blogs gettings asks about their OCs like they were little celebrities and feel envy and longing. Now, when these feelings start to bubble up, I force myself to take a break from sharing my work, be it art or writing, if only to remind myself why I'm creating it and who I'm creating it for: myself. I know it sounds cheesy, and I probably sound like a broken record, but genuinely I just do this because it's bursting out of my skull. But I won't lie and say the engagement and the support doesn't have a big impact on my motivation. I love sharing with people and getting an enthusiastic response.

I think something people might not realize, or maybe they just forget, is that I used to write a lot of smut. Like...a lot of smut. (I still do). Hahaha and it doesn't get a lot of comments or engagement, but it does draw a lot of eyes. Once my smut stories started taking on heavier plotlines, a comment I'd get a lot was "came for the porn, stayed for the plot." And I wasn't writing smut because I thought it would get me an audience, I was just horny LMAO. But it encouraged me to branch out and experiment with the types of stories I was telling.

Anyways, art is another big part of it, yes. But that also didn't get a lot of engagement in the beginning, and my skills were rusty as hell. I was getting maybe 15 notes on here, 30 likes on instagram. But that didn't really matter to me, I was just insane with inspiration. I'd reach out to people and ask to do art trades, got ghosted a lot, made some good friends, (some people who are still my good friends to this day!). But it took a lot of risks, and I made a lot of accidental enemies and learned a lot of hard lessons. But having visuals to go with the stories I'm writing is like advertisement in its own way. I'm just lucky enough to hyperfixate on this shit like it's my lifeblood. I've always obsessively drawn my favorite characters, ever since I was a wee bab. Long before social media was a factor or the words "content creator" even existed.

And I think that's what it all comes back to. Above all else, do what you do with unbridled joy. If someone else finds joy alongside you, all the better! Even if it's just one person. Take risks, make friends, make enemies, draw that blorbo unapologetically and with wild abandon. Love what you create, even when it's bad. Even when it makes you cringe years later, don't delete it. Even when people try to find every reason to hate what you do and who you are. Don't stop.

Every act of creation is bringing something into the world that didn't exist before you made it. And that alone gives it worth.

Happy New Year!

[munson-blurbs]

could you write about eddie and the reader suppose to be going out together but the reader thinks eddie stood them up but he got into a super bad car accident is in the hopsital and the reader doesn’t find out about it til a couple days later

I couldn't make reader wait too long because I couldn't do that to myself her, but I hope you like this! Sorry it took so long.

Warnings: car accident, mention of injuries, slight angst, some language

WC: 1.2k

--

Eddie was supposed to pick you up for your first date at 7:00 PM. You didn't expect him to show up on time; you'd been friends with him long enough to know that punctuality was not his forte, but he was now an hour and a half late. That was a lot, even for Eddie.

You dialed his phone number for the third time, listening to the ring until Wayne's recorded voice greets you.

You've reached Eddie and Wayne. Leave a message.

"Hey, Eds," you start. "It's me again. Just wondering if you were on your way, or if you forgot about...anyway, call me back when you get this." You hang up the phone, tears prickling in your eyes.

Maybe it was all a prank, or a stupid dare from one of the Hellfire guys. It made sense; why else would Eddie have asked you out after all this time? You'd been crushing on him for years.

You settle onto the couch, grabbing a bag of potato chips despite your appetite all but disappearing at the prospect of being the butt of their joke. You pick up the phone again, but you don't call Eddie this time.

"Henderson residence," Dustin's chipper voice perks you up briefly; the boy was always kind to you.

"Hi, Dustin," you say somberly, trying not to show how sad you truly are.

"Y/N? he asks, worry evident in his tone. "What's wrong? Aren't you supposed to be out with Eddie?"

You feel the tears slip down your cheeks as your emotions get the best of you. "He stood me up," you tell Dustin quietly. "Be honest with me, please--was this all a joke?"

"No. No, no no," he insists. "Eddie hasn't shut up about you or this date for ages. And he would never do that to you. The guy worships the ground you walk on."

You roll your eyes at his dramatics; carrying your books for you and kicking Gareth or Jeff out of the passenger seat of the van so you could sit there certainly was not worshipping the ground you walk on.

"Look," Dustin continues, "let me figure out what's going on. I'll call you as soon as I get info."

"Thanks," you croak out. "I really appreciate it."

"Of course," he says before hanging up with a click.

~

The phone ringing wakes you up from a dreamless sleep. You've passed out on the couch; the clock on the wall reads 2:37 AM. Who would be calling at this hour? Dustin was an intense kid, but even he would wait until the sun was up to call you back.

You snatch up the receiver before the bleating can wake your family. "H-hello?" you harshly whisper.

"Hi, is this Y/F/N Y/L/N?" an unfamiliar female voice comes over the line.

"Yeah? Who's this?" you question suspiciously. She didn't sound like a telemarketer or a crank caller.

"I'm Shelby, a nurse at Hawkins General Hospital," she explains. "Your friend, Edward Munson, was brought here earlier tonight after he was in a car accident." She pauses for a moment. "You were listed as an emergency contact on some previous paperwork he'd filled out the last time he was here."

You remember that; he'd broken his ankle last year while jumping off of the stage at the Hideout. Since Wayne was at work, he'd put down your name and number.

"Car accident?" you sputter, sitting up quickly. You're suddenly wide awake. "Is he okay?"

"He is now," she tells you gently. "His car was hit head-on by someone driving the wrong way, and it flipped. The paramedics had to cut him out of his seatbelt."

Your throat is dry and you feel your stomach lurch. "Oh my God," you whisper.

"We're still waiting on the scan results to ensure there's no internal bleeding," Shelby continues, "but he's awake now, which is a good sign. Keeps asking for you."

Your heart melts at this. "I'll be right there," you tell her earnestly. You technically weren't supposed to take the car without your parents' permission, but they would make an exception for this circumstance.

The drive there seems to take an eternity, and you run into the emergency room as soon as you kill the engine.

"I'm here to see Eddie--Edward--Munson?" you tell the receptionist, panting from your sprint. "I'm his emergency contact." You give her your name, and she nods.

"He's in room 110," she informs you, pointing down a quiet hallway. You quickly find his room, knocking gently at the already open door.

"Tryin' to sleep," Eddie's groggy voice floats by, thinking it's another nurse dropping by to take his vitals yet again.

"Eds," you say softly, "it's me."

His eyes widen as he unsuccessfully tries to push himself up on the bed. He winces at the pain and slumps back down.

"Don't get up," you tell him, pulling the armchair over to his bedside. You take his hand in yours, mindful of the IV needle taped to the back. A brace collars his neck and his left arm is wrapped in a sling. Bruises are forming around his eyes, and scratches mar his cheeks and forehead. "What happened?" you ask, rubbing your thumb along his.

He grimaces as he tries to look into your eyes, momentarily forgetting about his neck brace. "I was driving down Miller Road and this asshole comes barreling down, smashing into the van and sending it flying." He exhales, resting his good arm around his aching ribs. "Stupid schmuck didn't even stop. Someone else ran into a nearby store and called 9-1-1."

"I'm just glad you're alive," you murmur, gently placing a kiss on his cheek. "But wait," you pause, "why were you driving down Miller? You don't need to go that way to get to my house."

Eddie manages a small laugh. "Yeah, but I needed to go that way to get to the florist," he admits. "Wayne told me that if I waited all this time to take you out and didn't even bother to bring you flowers, he would smack me with my own guitar."

You giggle at the thought of Wayne threatening his nephew. "Knew that man was a romantic at heart."

"Nah, he just didn't want me to mess things up with the girl of my dreams." A blush creeps into his scarred face.

"Well," you sigh, looking around the room, "this wasn't exactly what I pictured for our first date, but it'll do." You stand up and release his hand. "Give me a sec, okay?"

"Where are y--" but he can't finish his thought before you dash out of the room, returning 15 minutes later with an armful of treats from the hospital cafeteria.

"All right," you start, placing the food on the table next to him, "we've got some sandwiches, pretzels, potato chips, and apple juice. Oh," you remember, "and this." You hand him a plastic container with a piece of chocolate cake. "The cashier said it's the best thing there, although he may have just been trying to get rid of me."

You fiddle with the radio until you find something resembling smooth jazz. Eddie wrinkles his nose. "What the hell is this?"

"It's mood music," you tease. "Did you think we were gonna listen to metal on our first date?"

Eddie chuckles lightly, careful of his sore body. "I'd listen to anything as long as I'm with you."

Your face lights up. "Even--"

"Not Madonna!"

--

[foxes-that-run]

Olivia

Harry wrote Olivia for One Direction's Made on the AM which was written and recorded between March - September 2015. Several months after 1989 was completed. Taylor has said she played 1989 for Harry and it's highly likely he was also aware of the Vault Tracks.

From Rolling Stone:

Bunetta and Ryan cite “Olivia” as a defining track, one that captures just how far One Direction had come as songwriters: They’d written it in 45 minutes, after wasting a whole day trying to write something far worse. “When you start as a songwriter, you write a bunch of shitty songs, you get better and you keep getting better,” Ryan says. “But then you can get finicky, and you’re like, ‘Maybe I have to get smart with this lyric.’ By Made in the A.M. … they were coming into their own in the sense of picking up a guitar, messing around, and feeling something, rather than being like, ‘How do I put this puzzle together?’”

Harry also said Olivia 'fell out' when they were trying to write something else to GMA and avoided answering what he was trying to write which may have been Perfect as it took a long time.

Who is Olivia?

Harry famously answered this "Is Olivia even a person? Is Olivia an emotion? Is she a place? We don't know" Oliva sounds like 'I love ya'

Harry later referenced Olivia in the leaked Ophelia (I feel ya). Harry wrote Ophelia, in Tokyo when she was there for the last Reputation show in November 2018, he also wrote Little Freak at the same time. Ophelia and Olivia are Taylor Swift.

Taylor also has a cat Olivia Bensen, adopted June 2014, Harry can be heard laughing in her adoption video.

Lyrics

[Spoken Intro] [Verse 1: Niall] Remember the day we were giving up When you told me I didn't give you enough And all of your friends were saying I'd be leaving ya? She's lyin' in bed with my t-shirt on Just thinking how I went about it wrong This isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love

Harry has referenced Taylor wearing his shirts in a number of songs. She's also wore a few of his shirts.

The Red wine is also a reference to 1989, so we know who he is singing to:

Clean - "You're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore"

Maroon "The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me" and

[Pre-Chorus: Niall] Please, believe me, don't you see the things you mean to me? Oh, I love you, I love you, I love, I love, I love Olivia

I think this is a reference to "Say don't go" a 1989 Vault Track. As Harry and Taylor were dating again through the production, and she has said she played it for him it is likely he knew the lyrics "Make me love you (Make me love you)? / I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you")/ You say nothing back"

[Chorus: Harry] I live for you, I long for you, Olivia (Ayy, ayy) I've been idolizing the light in your eyes, Olivia (Ayy, ayy) I live for you, I long for you, Olivia Don't let me go, don't let me go

This is almost a direct response to Say don't go's: "Say, "Don't go" / I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go""

[Verse 2: Liam] Say what you're feelin' and say it now 'Cause I got the feelin' you're walkin' out And time is irrelevant when I've not been seeing ya The consequences of falling out That's something I'm having nightmares about And these are the reasons I'm cryin' out to be with ya

Say don't go was asking him to ask her to not leave, In Olivia he did.

[Bridge: Harry] When you go and I'm alone You live in my imagination The summertime, butterflies All belong to your creation I love you, it's all I do, I love you

Harry continued to refer to Taylor as sunshine, butterfly's and all things good:

Golden: "golden as I open my eyes / Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light / I know you were way too bright for me / I'm hopeless, broken, so you wait for me in the sky”

Sunflower Vol 6: "Sunflower / My eyes, want you more than a melody"

Sweet Creature: "Wherever I go, you bring me home / Sweet creature, sweet creature / When I run out of road, you bring me home"

Fine line: “You sunshine, you temptress / My hand's at risk, I fold"

Daylight "If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you / You'd be the spoon / Dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you / Daylight, you got me cursing the daylight (ooh)"

Grapejuice: "Give me something old and Red."

Little Freak "I disrespected you / Jumped in feet first, and I landed too hard / A broken ankle, karma rules"

Happily "I don't care what people say when we're together / You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep / I just want it to be you and I forever"

[secretsandwriting]

Prologue

The Edutzal.

A species known for their ruthlessness and destruction. With an unimaginable amount of strength and power they were a species you didn't want the attention of, so why were there three of them spotted on Earth.

Preview -- Masterlist -- Next

"How much you wanna bet this so-called Justice League is panicking right now?" Alistair questioned from his spot in the kitchen. "I mean they have at least a few different species that would know of us Edutzal. Kryptonians, Martians, Tamaraneans and probably a few others I'm missing? I didn't pay much attention to the paperwork." He pulled another mug out of the box he was unpacking. "So who knows what stories they're spreading about us."

"Probably about Mhadaek the bearer of doomsday. After all, he holds the record for most planets destroyed at 239,592,826,625. I have never met another Edutzal who has understood why or how he destroyed that many planets in such a short time. Wasn't he averaging like 4 planets every day?" 

"Or Hwidia the dreaded Empress, she did take over 503,283,293 planets and make them follow her weird ass rules."

"I'll never get over how terrified people are of them, and yet those are the titles they gave them. Bearer of Doomsday? Cheesy as hell. The Dreaded Empress? Just sounds like a bitch." Sounds of agreement floated through the air while the three went back to unpacking.

"So did we ever decide how were going to stay here?" Ry asked. "I know we talked about laying low and only resurfacing if another Edutzal shows up but we also talked about claiming the earth and letting the citizens know we were basically taking over the earth. Did we ever fully decide which one we were going with?" 

"I mean it would be nice to not have to deal with any of that and just stay low, but then if anyone else tried to come claim or destroy the earth, the laws of Engoth state we would have to prove our ownership of the planet or fight it out but if we claim it all the inhabitants will know and then we'll have to deal with whatever the Justice League decides to try and do." You sighed as you put another book on the shelf. "Either way, both are a lot of work." 

"Well, it might just be easier to claim it now. Because then we can deal with the Justice League sooner and not have to worry about dealing with them while trying to prove our claim." Alistar shrugged, "it's not ideal but it might be the best option."

"True. Besides, if we go through it now, maybe we can get to the point where the Justice League trusts us enough to listen to us when we say, 'Don't fight them or you'll die!' and they'll back off onto a target they're capable of fighting. Actually they probably wouldn't listen to us, they're a bit too... Optimistic..?"

"You mean stupid?"

"I was trying to be nice."

"Well, we all seem to be leaning towards claiming the earth, so do we want to do it before or after we finish unpacking?"

--------------------------------------

"People of Earth." The Justice League staired in horror as their meeting was interrupted by the very subject of it. A hologram of three figures appeared in the room. Pitch black hair, black scleras, gray irises, white pupils. Black cracks seemed to be coming from their lips like their skin was broken porcelain, chips falling and revealing a black nothingness underneath "We are Edutzal from Engoth, a planet in a solar system quite far from here. A planet known for its danger and inability to all but the things already on it. Our people are known as The Destroyers due to our ability and willingness to reduce planets to nothing but stone and dust." 

The hologram flickered, showing previously destroyed planets. Some they had known about, others were new. Planets they had recently seen, heard of or been too now reduced to nothing. 

"The Edutzal have also been known to claim planets. Taking it as their own and turning the planet into their own kingdom until they grow tired of it. Creating rules and laws as they see fit... We have decided to claim Earth as our own." The male spoke this time and his words brought a new sense of fear.

"However, we have no desire to change everything," The other woman spoke. "We have resided on this earth for the past three months. Changes will be made but we will not be your rulers."

"In the next few weeks or months, we will be changing what we deem necessary. Once we are satisfied, you will not see much of us unless something else needs to be fixed. We will not be your dictators or your heroes. This first week we will be laying our claim for other Edutzal to see so they will not disturb the earth. This is all." The hologram flickered off.

The room was silent as all the Justice League processed what they had heard.

"What are the necessary changes?" Tim asked the silent room. No one had any answers.

---------------------------------

The necessary changes? All things the Justice League didn't disagree on, except for Batman because people were killed and he didn't believe in killing.

All the changes brought a better quality of life to the world. It wasn't perfect and there were still problems but some of the biggest ones had been removed from the equation. There was even a note left in their headquarters telling them to keep up the good work and how to contact them if they saw another Edutzal or some other thing they couldn't beat.

It still left people wondering, was this really all they were going to do?