#i would actually sell a kidney for them no joke

[mariyuuhh]

don't think twice

[hiorisgf]

##OH EM GEE I'M INLOVE WITH A GOLD DIGGER!

↪In which, Chigiri confesses and now you're official.

You were broke.

The kind of broke where even if you turn your wallet upside down, not even a single cent would come out. So you cry and then realize you had a piggy bank, so you grow hopeful but that hope is quick to turn into despair because you realize your piggy bank is also empty save for the speck of dust that gathered inside. This was the kind of broke you were experiencing at the moment, and damn was it not fun.

"Oh my god, I'll be homeless!" 

You laid your head on the table, grumbling about how easily money left your grasps. You were sure you managed your money well this time—ignoring the small trinkets you bought because you thought they were cute and cheap. (they were, but you ended up buying one too many that it almost cost as much as one designer bag from a famous brand. Although you haven't realized it, not one bit.)

"Should I sell my kidney? It's not like I need two anyway. Or maybe I'll sell my appendix to some shady scientist that wants to conduct research on it" you sighed, pondering the many ways to earn quick money. "Or maybe I'll just sell foot pics and hope someone gets attracted by them"

"You sure have some outlandish ideas, is this what happens when you run out of money and are struggling to make ends meet?"

You flinch when you hear the (un)pleasant voice of a man that had become (very)rich so suddenly. "Oh goodness!" you gasped, "Chigiri—who said you could enter my apartment without permission!" 

Chigiri tilts his head in a sassy manner. "You were the one who gave me your spare keys dumbass, and I already knocked, ten times actually. But you never responded and just went on with your really loud grumbling so I entered.'' He sits down on the floor beside you, placing the plastic bag he brought on the table.

"Oh" 

Chigiri sighs at your lack of response. "Here, eat your ice cream you love so much and cheer up or whatever."

"Thank you!" you sobbed. "you're the best." 

You nibbled on the ice stick in silence. Whilst Chigiri takes your remote and turns on the tv to watch whatever he finds, was interesting enough. 

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you be out practicing right now?" 

"Are you kicking me out?"

"No, just curious. Can't I?" 

He pauses the movie he had the audacity to watch on your tv. "I had a day off today, it's been a while since we last hung out together so I thought why not crash into your house."

"Oh." you stared at him in astonishment. "Damn, so you missed me?" you continued, a teasing lilt to your tone.

He pauses for a bit, and you relish in the five seconds you caught him off guard. "Yea, you got a problem with that?" 

You choke. The exaggerated kind of choke you'd see in movies. "What? Are you being slash serious (/srs) right now?"

"Don't talk like that, you sound punchable when you do" 

You place a hand on your chest, an expression mocking that of a hurt one appearing on your face "Now that's just rude and offensive!"

He rolls his eyes, but the small smile that plays on his lips tells you he's actually far from annoyed. 

In the midst of the light bickering you exchanged with Chigiri, a realization comes and hits you right in the middle.

Chigiri was rich, right? Right??

Suddenly, you shut your mouth. Now staring at him with a look similar to that of determination, and a shiver runs down Chigiri's spine. (in a bad way) what kind of idiocracy did you think of this time?

"Chigiri Hyoma." ah there it is. Chigiri thinks, he was familiar with the formula you used before asking for something ridiculous. "What?"

"Would you mayhaps be interested in taking me as your spouse (and then maybe pay my bills, joke, half joke hehe) and thus, get married?" you took ahold of his hand, staring at him with the biggest puppy eyes you could muster.

.

..

…

"Hah?!" 

His reaction was expected, honestly. But nevertheless, you persist. "Chigiri, please! You're my only hope!" 

"Rejected. What benefits can I even get if I marry you?" he asks with furrowed brows.

"My beauty. You get this beauty as your spouse, doesn't that sound great?" you quipped, and you honestly wonder where you got the audacity/confidence from.

"No thank you, I'm plenty beautiful enough alone. And you're way too inferior if you stood next to me, you'd look like a rotten apple. Wait no, you'd look more like a squashed pumpkin actually."

Damn. He didn't hesitate in squashing your self-esteem didn't he? What a great friend he is.(sarcastic) "god damn, why are you so rude to me? I'm your best friend, you know!" you whined, and all you  is a very sassy and entertained eye roll.

"In the first place, since when had you been so broke you'd resort to being the gold digger kind of archetype?" 

"Since last week. When I received my bills and found out I had barely enough money to get through the month."

"What did you even do to spend that much money?!"

"That!" you pointed at your collection of toys, which ranged from the doctor toy set, to the barbie doll you recently bought that had glowing wings. And then at the keychains and other trinkets you collected inside a drawer. 

The way you puff out your chest in pride gets him giving you a deadpan + a stink eye like no other. And you'd be lying if you said you weren't affected.

"No I don't and I won't! Don't insult me like that you pretty little prick!" taking a pillow from the sofa, you throw it at him in full force. 

"You're so gold digger material it's scary. I'd bet if given the chance to, you'd buy some crazy expensive neon green car nobody would appreciate in any angle. Wait, am I your first target then?" he said. And that one sentence triggered you oh so greatly if you had powers, you'd have brought towards him a tsunami.

"Ow!" he groans, and you smirk triumphantly. "Hah! Deserved. With this, justice is served!" 

"Why you!" he glares at you and he takes another pillow, propelling himself to hit you straight in the head with power as strong as a building falling over. You swiftly moved your arms to cover yourself, but even then, it still pushed you back to the edge of the couch you're leaning on. 

"Oh it is so on!" 

The next minutes were spent tossing and hitting each other with pillows. But overtime, the frown that once tainted your features turned into jolly smiles that contained unbridled joy, a rarity when you've reached adulthood. 

By the time you wave your (imaginary) flag in surrender, you're out of breath; and yet, still, the laughter continues to bubble out of your mouth and so does Chigiri's. The atmosphere is soft, and in this moment, it feels as though only the two of you exist in this world. 

You pant for air, hugging your pillow rather loosely—your hands were tired after gripping the pillows and using all your strength to throw it at one specific target all afternoon. When you've finally taken in the oxygen you needed, you let out another breathy laugh, one free of any troubles you might have had before. This hang out with him sure proved wonders in soothing your mind from your troubles.

Chigiri on the other hand, felt his breath hitch and his heart stop in motion—no, did it go faster? The heat rushes to his cheeks and he wonders if all of his blood rushed up to his face leaving the other parts dry. The lamp was certainly a paid actor with the way it shines upon you in just the right places to make you look ethereal. Well, as ethereal a person in their pajamas and a hair so messy a bird could mistake it as a nest could be.

His heart thumps, and without thinking much, "I like you," he confessed. His voice, barely above a whisper, but you heard him nonetheless.

Chigiri freezes, as do you, and it's rather comical from an outsider's point of view.

"Huh?"

Again, Chigiri flinches—how should he excuse this one? He wondered. But after a short while, he finally heaves out a sigh and decides to become a man and grow a pair. 

"I like you, romantically." he said, "And no I'm not lying. I'm telling you the truth." he continues, as if knowing what you'd say or react to already. 

During this time, Chigiri felt like burying himself six feet under and probably never come out unless it's to play soccer. This was embarrassing and too out of the blue, he worries if he ruined his five year friendship with you for good.

You're silent, mind busy absorbing the information you've just received right now. "Oh." 

You placed a hand to cover the lover half of your face. "Wow. That's a surprise. I happen to feel the same way" you awkwardly giggle, and a hopeful glint takes its way to Chigiri's eye.

"I.. I like you too" you stutter, and you think you'll actually explode with the emotions that soars and scatters up like the fireworks up in the sky.

Your stomach is twisting, and the butterflies aren't there. Instead, what happened was your organs became cotton candies and floated and you think it isn't long before you actually start flying as well and not just your insides.

"So, does that mean you accept my uh, deal from earlier?" 

"deal?" he tilts his head, confused. But when he takes a second to recall the previous events, he makes a sound of acknowledgement. "Oh, that one."

You nod and look at him expectantly, all the while, Chigiri hums, pretending to be in thought. "Alright, I accept your deal, dearest gold digger." he snickers, and you groan at the nickname.

"That's so unromantic! Do better, boo!" you trashed on his choice of pet name, and it prods a laugh out of him (it was hot. Not like you'd ever admit to that though.) "And besides, it's just this one time! And I'll pay you back when I receive my pay!"

"Sure sure." he nods his head unenthusiastically, as if unbelieving. "Just make sure you don't spend it on the dumb keychains and toys like this time. Goodness, buying a cooking set for kids? What are you, a child?" he teases.

You stomp on your feet and lightly smack his arm "Leave me be, those are fun okay? You should try them too sometime!" you groaned, "And yes yes, I promise you that alright. Now stop bothering me about it!" 

Chigiri chuckles one more time, and you stare (intensely), trying to capture the breathtaking sight that is Chigiri laughing without a care in the world. 

Pretty little bastard—how dare he capture your heart and make you down bad for him?

No headers bc i cant seem to do ribby the rabbit any justice. Also please don't ask me where I was going with this, I honestly don't know either.

[yuu-kumeii]

"What do you think you'll get for White day, [Y/N]?"

"Oh, probably a box of chocolates or something heart themed"

You don't actually know and for good reason too. For as long as you've been married, you can never exactly pin down your husband's train of thought when it comes to his love language. Love language being the term that he uses to justify the ungodly amount of things he buys you on any available occasion. It's not wrong call it his love language but you think there would be a word to describe the sheer amount of excuses he has compiled in that mind of his for every gift he brings home for you.

Unfortunately, as much as you want to use the word spoil to describe it. No word can encapsulate the excuses ~and~ the frequency of these presents. They're like objects that suddenly appear in your house like they've been there this whole time, but you know they haven't. Everytime one appears, you ask your husband and get the confirmation that "Yes, they are for you and no I will not take no for answer" before the culprit skips off to work like he didn't just buy you completely cute but unnecessary.

So that's why you can earnestly say you don't actually know. Because White day day? You know, the holiday where it's customary to give something back to the one you love? The one holiday that reciprocates care for the bond you have with another, that White Day? Trying to guess would be like trying to guess how you die, other than the most obvious option, you can't just guess and know whether or not you're right. But now that you think about it, maybe this Valentine's day will be the one where you get a nice, regular sized box of chocolates and maybe even a bouquet of your favourite flowers. Though you hope that this time, he'll let the store clerk help him with arranging it. Whatever you're getting on this Valentine's day might be completely ordinary and similar to the ones your coworkers get from their significant others....

Oh who are you kidding? It's probably going to be extra.

But you have no time to think about that because it's right back to work after all the Valentine's talk around the office. Well at least you try to ignore it but with the obvious flower decor and suprise partners visiting to see their significant other hard at work, it's hard not to let your mind spiral once again to dwell on just what your unpredictable husband might get you. Yet you persist in your work and tune out everything around you for the time being. Hopefully until the end of your shift which may or may not be earlier than usual given the chipper yet intimidatingly efficient work ethic of your coworkers today. If only they were like this every other day.... Oh well, you'll take what you can get.

The workload vanished as fast as it came, everyone was ready to pack up and leave to celebrate what was left of Valentine's day with their partners. Some already left once they've finished their share while the rest opted to stay for a bit of chit chat, more discussion on what their partners would get them and all the more reason you feel lost in your answer to the various questions thrown your way. It's no secret to anyone that your husband would sell his kidney if it meant getting you something special, the thought came up so frequently that it became a running joke at your expense. Not that you really minded since the jokes were more than true to reality itself, you can't count the amount of times your husband burst in your office in a panic just because you accidentally left your lunch at home. He'd pout while telling you to be more careful as if he hasn't left his fair share of packed lunches, though you do think he might be doing it on purpose just to see and brag about you to his friends.

You've really been drifting in your thoughts the whole work day because the second you take in your surroundings, there were only a handful of people left. Gone were the endless conversations and the bright office light, replaced with a sunset glow signalling for your departure. Absentmindedly bidding the rest goodbye, you walk into the elevator and descend. Alone with your thoughts once more but not for long, as the doors open to reveal an empty reception desk. Man, you really have lost track of time. The sun starts to bid its farewell yet it doesn't stop the sound of people getting pulled into pastry shops for a last minute White day gift. Well it might not be last minute but it does look like it considering the greatly reduced amounts of people. You remember just how crowded the shopping mall was, partners and students alike rushing to find something for their significant other. How funny it reminded you of yourself in high school, who would've thought the amount of stress it took just to find the perfect Valentine's Day chocolates for your then school crush. The same crush who ended up spoiling you for White Day, telling you to wait for his graduation because White Day wasn't the only day he wanted to spoil you. Such a cheesy line, how did you ever see him as anything but a dork? You know the answer to that yet remembering it would be too embarrassing.

In the midst of all your reminiscing, you didn't realize you were already home until you almost tripped on the first step. But not to worry, you've done that at least 2 times eversince you both moved in so you're probably almost immune to the pain.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

With nothing else to stall with, you finally make your way inside the desolate house. The lights still off and nothing out of place, just how you left it this morning. To be honest, you feel like it looks a bit sad. But that's probably because it's White Day and your husband is probably just on his way home now, the empty house makes you feel like a single woman but not to worry because that will change at one point of the evening. In the meantime, you settled for a shower to get your mind off the White Day everything. Even though your house has nothing even relating to it, the anticipation of your husband showing up to finally answer the question that's been nagging at the back of your head is killing you. Once changed, you make your way to the kitchen to get yourself something to eat while waiting for—

Knock

Knock

Knock

Oh no.

He's here.... and doesn't choose to just walk inside? He wants you to open the door for him and what? See for yourself what he has planned? Does he want you to open the door to surprise you? To tackle you inside? What if he doesn't have a gift and he just gives you a hug? Nothing wrong with that but all that stress for a hug? Well, it might not be but what if—

KNOCK

KNOCK

KNOCK

Oh right he's still there, still waiting for you to open the door. Well, here goes nothing—

"Welcome ho— eh—"

This was not what you were expecting, this was far from it actually. You knew your husband wouldn't dare forget something like White Day but neither did you think his surprise would be this well surprising. Now you don't actually know what this is supposed to be but what you can say is that it's a lot, very overwhelming because if it weren't for the doorframe you're sure it would tower over you no matter what height you are. The thing that surprised you the most was the fluffy teddy bear face that greeted you instead of your husband, the teddy bear had a good enough face but you'd rather kiss the love of your life than the ominous blank face of a stuffed bear that clearly is one size too large for your door. Not only the bear, but there was an ocean of red, pink, and white around it. Bouquets themed after one color each and chocolates of different shapes and flavors with their boxes to match, there were boxes of what you assume are pastries from the shopping district coupled with enough cards to last till your 25th anniversary yet even all that probably doesn't scrape the surface of this White Day gift supreme package or whatever it is. But behind it all was the sheepish expression of your husband who politely asks to be let inside so none of what he's carrying would bury you, as someone who values their life you step aside to let him in. Though you should've seen it coming, nothing could prepare you for the look of absolute disarray once your husband found out he couldn't just waltz in and have the gifts phase through the wall. He looks so confused now that he has to actually think of how he's going to get him and the pile inside the house, you can see it behind his eyes. The desolate mind behind it too tired to find an answer, to the point he felt the need to look at you with a helpless face just begging you to help him.

And being the helpful lover you are, you laugh at his dismay before giving him an amused expression. It isn't until he starts pouting outside in the night breeze unwilling to step inside until the pile gets in first that you roll your eyes playfully before telling him to put the pile down so you both can take it in more manageable bundles. Your husband puts the pile down and watches as you take the top of his haul into your hands to place it on your kitchen counter, still watching as you go back to get more. It's ok though, because you can see the gears turning in his head for a second which finally prompts him to start mirroring your actions. Not long after, the mass is successfully moved inside. Now that you have a proper look at it, most of these things look like they've been kept in good condition. Not that you think the quality would be in shambles but you expected at least a little bit of wear and tear considering the time it took for these to get here, assuming he bought them during the prime time for White Day sales that is.

Oh how wrong you are, but you'll find that out soon. Right when your thoughts start to spiral, your husband walks downstairs clean and ready to explain himself. Well maybe you'll be the one to make him but that's besides the point.

"Ok... Care to explain why this pile of chocolates, flowers and cards is about three times your size?" The calm smoothness of your voice cannot mask the entirety of your awe but it's enough to have your husband stop in his place like a deer caught in headlights, you're not even looking at him at this point. Turned towards the pile of chocolate that definitely should be in the fridge by now and yet not making a move to do so. A moment of silence ensues before your husband answers.

"They said that if I got you all this it'll make you love me more..."

Huh.

"Wait, who are 'they'?"

"The people at the shopping district, I didn't have time to get you a gift in the morning so I went there on the way home and then the people there came up to me saying how they have 'the perfect White Day surprise for your partner' and about how you'd expect something big from me today.... So I bought everything they recommended...."

This guy. This pure, dumb, cute, whatever thing you can call him—! You can't believe he got ganged up like that! How dare those shopkeepers take advantage of your poor defenseless husband on White Day! You can imagine the smirks on those guys, probably proud of themselves about the last minute sale they managed to get. All because your husband was manipulated into thinking you'd love him any less if he came home empty handed, the audacity of some people! You'll give them a piece of your mind when you get the chance—

"Are you mad?"

You must've let it show on your face that you're planning to probably beat up some poor store clerk right after White Day, but it's fine because he will never know the thoughts behind the face. And honestly, you aren't mad. Far from it actually, you feel so loved. Because what kind of person would willingly follow the suggestions of multiple shopkeepers from different shops on gifts for their wife? Well, your husband unsurprisingly but it's in the name of love so everything should be fine. Though you will make sure to tell him that just one White Day package is enough of a surprise already, not to mention the fact that you might have to share the chocolates with friends and family if you don't want them to be wasted.

"No of course not, c'mere... "

With light footsteps you stop right in front of him, gazing into his eyes with a loving look. You smile and take his face into your hands, his breath hitches at the distance between you. Funny how you do this on almost every 'special occasion' and yet he still acts as if it's the first time you've done anything this intimate. Besides that, you continue to close the distance before giving him a kiss. One that prompts him to put his hands on your hips out of reflex to pull you closer, a light hue spread across his face making him look extra cute. But before he could reciprocate, you pull away causing him to chase your lips. A giggle was pulled from you at the sight of your big strong husband all pouty and flush, looking at you with eyes that screamed for you to continue kissing him. Unfortunately for him, it seems you have other plans because not only did you pull away from the kiss, you pulled yourself away from him entirely. Your husband looks so lost, even more so when you turn away from him to pick up a box of chocolates. Opening it and popping one into your mouth before looking back at him innocently.

"What? We have all this chocolate now, can't let it go to waste"

Your smile dropping into an amused grin as you kept eating the chocolates, leaving your husband to once again take a few seconds to process what you just said. Finally gathering his bearings, your husband huffs at you. Pout still present yet his demeanor now turned playful, you know what he's going to do.

"Why you—! Get over here and gimme that kiss!"

This was better than what you could ever expect.

ATSUMU <3333, BOKUTO <333, HINATA, Kita, Osamu, LEV <33, Kageyama, Oikawa (probably so proud of himself), Kuroo (Definitely proud too), Iwaizumi, All hq boys probably did this at some point let's be real

[arcplaysgames]

Okay I am fucking around in the Kamoshida Palace rn so lets recap.

Went back to meet with the doctor lady because she felt like an SLink I mean Confidant (which is frankly a WAY BETTER TERM for SLinks, they should backport that shit).

Punk Doctor will hook Reverie up with the good shit but only if he acts like a test subject for her. This is extremely inethical! I love it! Lets do it.

lmao okay having a doctor as the Death arcana is pretty funny even if that isn't what Death means. But given the nature of Death as an irrevocable transformation, a back-alley doctor is great for that. Hopefully the transformation isn't going to be organ failure or her selling my kidneys.

Reverie The Fifth has so much personality tbh and I love it. Even if I'm kinda cold on my team so far, he's vibrant enough to actually carry this story so far. I'm gonna need some ffffcuking weirdos soon tho.

these gym uniforms are bad, can we all agree on that

So far Ryuji is not thrilling me but I do like a book-dumb-emotionally-smart boy who loves his mother.

Also, finally getting the background on what the fuck Kamoshida did to Ryuji. It feels stupid at this point to say "jfc the lack of professionalism" but wow, telling your other students about one athlete's abusive father, you'd think that was a breach of SOMETHING. Goddamn.

anyway Ryuji literally says something like "well that's in the past now, we need to look to the future" so he's Chariot as fuck so far.

Morgana I don't like heights okay they are scary, what if i fall???? and crack my head on the shelf and bleed out and Sojiro already left for the night so I would die?????? did you think of that?

Sojiro would probably get mad at me lbr

I DUNNO HOW Y'ALL CAN HATE MORGANA. THEY ARE A TALKING CAT WHO SLEEPS IN MY DESK OR SITS NEXT TO ME WHILE I READ. Like, the degree to which Reverie is living the fucking Sailor Moon dream here is amazing. He is a fucking Magical Girl.

do i get petting rights someday. will morgana permit pets. i wanna pet them. is that like a rank 8 confidant thing.

god i fucking hate the VR. there's no one to flirt with in there.

I DO LIKE THAT OUR PERSONA ACTUALLY FUCKING HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH US? Like, Arsene stops to talk to Reverie before fusion, which is a nice touch.

Sorry did I say fusion

what in the everloving fuck

YANNO Persona 3 had to endure years of jokes about how edgy it was for having the summoning being a fake gun to the head. EVERYONE OWES PERSONA 3 AN APOLOGY. FUSION IS NOW EXECUTION AND THE COMPENDIUM IS THE INMATE REGISTRY.

B R U H.

man i don't wanna advocate violence on children but also i want to punt caroline through a goal post, what do.

anyway I'm working on the palace, bbiab.

[matan4il]

Buddie challenge question because honestly these 2 things bug me to no end of things I wish I saw. And if the writers said I could only have one like gah I can't choose one. Would love your tie breaker in my head.

1. The conversation that ever happened when Buck explained absolutely everything about the tsunami, from picking up and running with Chris. The keeping him safe from bodies floating. Him diving in to save him. Bonus points if we got Eddie telling him the Chris version. Just the tears. But also I sometimes want to really have seen Eddie see fuck this man went through hell for my heart.

2. The conversation about what Buck felt and saw when Eddie was shot. Explaining just the determination of his actions. And in turn Eddie revealing his fears of why is Buck covered in blood, is he hurt, how did he wake up near Anna? Did he search for Buck right away. Bonus points for Chris Explaining it all to Eddie later.

Also I'm not against all of the above being in the Buddie Begins episode if I'm being honest. Please flashback to these moments team. But if you had choose your fighter, which one is it?

OMG, Nonnie, what are you doing to me? XD Those aren’t just fighters, those are super-fighters you’re asking me to pit against each other!

Let me just say I adore both. The tsunami was the first time when I thought to myself, “Oh.” As in, “Oh, they can’t back away from this. What just happened isn’t an elf lady scene that the show runners can write off as a joke or a gesture for the fandom. This is intense. And it’s the emotional climax of a three-ep major arc! They can’t pretend this didn’t mean something more.” But then the shooting arc is an even more blatant play on romantic tropes, which means it’s another one that’s undeniable. Another critical moment in the evolution of Buddie. So how can I possibly pass up seeing more of either one?

Hmm. OK. We can assume that the first happened. That Buddie must have talked about everything Buck and Chris went through during the tsunami, because Eddie explicitly comments to Christopher’s therapist in 304 that he's still not sure what his son saw that day. The most likely source of info for that would be Buck and Chris themselves, so I’m sure Eddie talked to both of them about that day. But the second. That hasn’t happened canonically as far as we’re aware, right? I guess I’d like that, because it doesn’t have to play out just in flashbacks, it can happen in the here and now, and give Buddie some critical insights for realizing what their relationship is actually all about. And yeah, I would sell a kidney for that!

I hope I managed to answer you, Nonnie? Thank you for this! xoxox

(and if anyone’s looking for it, here is my ask tag! xoxox)  

[thecagedsong]

Title: Can the Goddess Hear My Heart Over the Bells?

Theme: Bells

Fandom/Character(s): Legend of Zelda; Link/Zelda

Warnings (if applicable): N/A

Word Count: 5,818

@12daysofchristmas

Zelda comes from a long line of priestesses of Hylia, but in modern Hyrule she tries to hide the fact because people would find it embarrassing. Then her cute college classmate comes for the Midwinter worship with his sister, and Zelda still has to perform the bell dance, even with him watching.

~~~~~

 “Have a goodnight Zelda! And say hi to Link for me after your test tomorrow!” Mipha cheered for her, touching her arm gently before letting her go. Their paths usually diverged here and Zelda shot her a grateful smile, despite the teasing about Link. The Zora dove headfirst in the water while Zelda got on the bus.

Mipha didn’t have to wait at the bus stop for Zelda, especially since the Zora had difficulties with winter generally, but the girl had insisted. Once Zelda mentioned she didn’t like waiting for the bus alone, Mipha had insisted she wait with Zelda every day after their biology class.

Noticing a couple of people from her school were also on the bus, Zelda waited until they had all gotten off before getting off herself and doubling back to her home. Zelda named another number in the prime number sequence with each step up the ridiculous stairs to her family’s shrine.

At her door, Zelda took off her shoes and knelt before the small goddess statute there.

To the Goddess, I give praise for my family’s joy and safety, and thank her for wisdom and learning I am able to accumulate at university. I am honored by the protection She gives those I love, and ask for power to continue to keep them well. I am honored by the courage She grants me to face the cold winter and daunting university tests. May our blessings continue as we listen to her guidance and hold to our faith. Adimen.

Zelda stood up, stretched, and walked to where Father stirred a large pot of soup.

“Welcome home, Dear,” Dad said, “Destroy another test? Biology was today, right?”

“No more biology for the year,” Zelda said, grabbing a spoon to sample their dinner. “And just Hylian history to finish. Hmmm!” she hummed her delight at the dish and took another spoonful.

“You two turn into barbarians without me here? I set the table and everything, but clearly you’d both rather eat standing over the pot,” a new voice chimed in.

Zelda dropped her spoon in the soup as she spun around. “Mark!” she shrieked jumping forward with her arms out.  Her brother awkwardly caught her, but returned her hug. “You weren’t supposed to come home until this weekend!”

“I finished my final essay earlier than expected,” he said, letting her go. She gave him one last squeeze before sitting down at the table.

“So does that mean you’re all done with your degree?” Father asked, bringing the soup to the table.

“So long as I pass everything,” he said. “I’ll know first week of January if I'm going to lose my job offer, die under the mountain of my student loans, and have to sell my kidneys on the black market.”

Zelda snorted, “Like you know how to find the black market.”

“I’m sure you did fine,” Dad assured him.

“Dad, did you know? About Mark coming home early?”

“Not at all, a complete surprise. Good thing last weekend we converted his room back to his bedroom and took out the plasmascreen TV and billards table,” Dad joked.

“You did not,” Mark scoffed, serving everyone. He paused, “You didn’t, right?”

“Of course not,” Zelda said, indignantly, “The billiards table has always been in the garage, your room was my spa room. Ignore the nail polish stain on the pillows.”

“Brat,” he said affectionately.

 ~~~~

 “You don’t have to watch me practice, I know it must be boring,” Zelda said, letting him tie up the traditional headpiece. Impa, her assistant at the shrine, would do it during the actual ceremony.

“You know, I was always jealous of you,” Mark said, flicking a bell hanging from the elaborate crown. “Of the time you got to spend with Mom practicing for this. That you’re the special one in the family.”

“That’s silly, I was the one always jealous of you. You got to read books with Dad while I had to drill the same eight dances over and over again,” Zelda said, looking both of them over in the mirror. Sheika Tears were painted in red down her cheeks, while Hylia’s triforce repeated on her forehead and the headpiece, and the neckline of her white dress. “I had to fight to even be allowed to go to university instead of work at the shrine.”

“And you’ll fight to have a job and be the high priestess. And then you’ll do both amazingly well until you die. You have Hylian History tomorrow, so I know you are completely familiar with the amazing feats of all the Zeldas that have come before you,” Mark said. “Priestesses of Hylia and world-shakers at the same time.”

“Their feats were because they were princesses, no one bothered writing anything about them once they became priestesses,” she said. “It was because they were princesses that they could save the kingdom, unless you’re talking about all those goddess blessings the myths talk about. And I think I would know if I could do magic.”

Mark smiled in the mirror, “But I know my sister, and maybe you aren’t rewinding time or setting fire to Twilight, but you are going to be a Zelda for the history books, just wait.”

“You’re supposed to get less religious as you go away to university,” Zelda pointed out, “Realize the Gerudo lighting was simply channeled electricity, figure out that it’s impossible to resurrect someone from the dead so that they continue to be young and health after 100 years, that sort of thing.”

“Call me a rebel then,” Mark said, “Did that happen to you? Did university convince you our maternal bloodline is simply a bunch of really good story tellers?”

“Well . . .” Zelda shifted in her seat, not sure how to answer. Not sure of the answer. “At the very least, I shouldn’t have to be a priestess if there is no great incarnation of pure evil to vanquish. I should be able to spend all my time studying if I’m not going to be called upon to imprison the incarnation of darkness.”

“Now who’s being silly. You have perfect memory recall and have always grasped academic concepts, and their flaws, immediately,” Mark said. “You’re goddess-blessed with an impossibly big brain, so you have some spare time to practice the midwinter’s dance. But not that much time, ready?”

“Ready,” Zelda said, letting him help her up.

Her every step tinkled with the bells on her costume and from the bells in her hand. Mark seated himself out of the way and turned the lights to the way they would be at the ceremony.

Farore’s wind was the breath in her lungs, feeding the Din’s fire and electricity of her heart and brain, letting her movements be as smooth as Nayru’s water, until time beat against Nayru’s ice with bells. Hylia was the goddess gifted with guarding and wielding the powers of the Three, the one charged with seeing the Three’s creation prosper. By the fourth turn, Zelda let herself feel what it was to by Hylia’s mouthpiece and body.

Embarrassing as it was, Zelda’s faith hadn’t been shaken by her university education at all.

  ~~~~~~

Zelda finished with her test ridiculously early, there was still half the time left for her classmates to continue their furious scratching. She had filled the essay sections to the brim, then scribbled her conclusion paragraphs on the back of the papers, and had already edited them. But, not wanting to be known as the brainiac like she had been in high school, Zelda waited until she heard at least one other student stand up with their test in hand to do the same.

Of course that one student had to be Link Faron. Zelda really hoped she wasn’t blushing as she made her way down the stairs opposite him. He was Mipha’s childhood friend, and ridiculously attractive. He was shorter than her by an inch, she shouldn’t be this attracted to him, but she was, and,

Oh Hylia, he was waiting for her at the door.

Mipha had had a small crush on him since childhood, but Zelda had been interested since he helped retrieve her favorite pen when it fell during the second week of classes. She had been gone for him since he defended ecological conservation efforts as a decentralized local movement with respectful funding distribution as opposed to an oppressive authoritarian conservation for maximum resource output that was the current majority party favored ideology.

“Hi Link,” she said, her voice a pitch higher than it should be as she closed the door behind them. Zelda cleared her throat, “Hi Link. Was this your last final for the semester?”

It was the last day of finals before winter break, of course it was his last final. But hair escaped his ponytail as he shook his head, framing the most intense blue eyes she had ever seen.

“I have a paper due at midnight,” he said casually, “I’m letting it sit for another couple hours before giving it a last revision and submitting it tonight. Was this your last one?”

“Yep, I’m free as a bird,” Zelda said.

“Cool . . . hey, do you want to grab lun—”

“Yes! I mean, sure,” Zelda said. “Sorry, I’m a little frazzled—from the test! I better have lunch and a small rest before trying to navigate public transit and heading home, haha.”

“Great,” Link said. “Anywhere you want to go to celebrate being done with your first semester of finals?”

“No particular preference, you?”

“No particular preference,” he mirrored her with a smile, but it wasn’t mocking, more like something he just wanted to try saying. “Since one of us has to make a decision, what about the Milk Bar?”

“Sounds perfect,” she said, letting him change direction.

Things got quiet, but Zelda couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t school related, and it felt silly to talk about school related stuff when they were on the cusp of break and this was one of the few times in her life she didn’t want to talk about school or academics.

“So, any plans for the holidays?” Link asked.

Was he casually making conversation not about school, or was he trying to see if she was free to ask her on a date? She wasn’t prepared to be asked on a date! Mipha had a crush on him too, for years longer than Zelda, was she even allowed to say yes? What if he wanted to go out one of the nights she had to perform the ceremony? What if—

NO! Keep it cool. He wasn’t asking her out, he was making polite conversation. Be polite back.

“My brother attends Lorule University,” Zelda said, “He came back early, so we’re going to spend some time together while he’s home as a family. I’m going ice skating with Mipha at some point, but other than that I don’t have any definitive plans. What about you?”

“My dad travels around for the military, so my little sister Aryll is actually coming to visit me here in Castletown for Midwinters,” Link said. “Any recommendations on where to take her? I’ve been buried under school work and haven’t explored too much of the city myself.”

“What does Aryll like?” Zelda asked. “Is she into sculpture art like you? Because the Waker River Gardens is absolutely beautiful this time of year, but people don’t tend to go in Winter because of the cold.”

“How did you know I like statute art?” Link asked as they approached the restaurant.

“Oh, uh, Mipha mentioned it,” Zelda said, really hoping she wasn’t coming across as creepy. Curse her perfect memory. “She said that you were friends growing up, and you were majoring in art and teaching.” Wrong. He was double majoring in Art and History Education.

“I’m double majoring in Art and History Education,” Link corrected her with a smile. Zelda mentally patted herself on the back. “So a first year history course was a little easy for me. Hence finishing the test so early. I’m not sure which one I’m going to like more, art or history education, so I’m filling my schedule with both and letting fate take me. Are you majoring in history? You always had such good answers in class.”

“Nope, I’m a bio-chem major, this is just a GE credit,” Zelda said. “But my family has always been big on history, so it wasn’t a terribly challenging course for me either. But it was fun.”

They arrived at the Milk Bar and gave their orders before sitting down at a table.

“Is that why your parents named you ‘Zelda’?” Link asked, not seeing her flinch, “because they like history?”

Hylia, why could she only think of stupid answers? “It’s a family name” was stupid, “my name’s actually illegal because they never took the law off the books forbidding my family from naming their daughters ‘Zelda’ after the fall of the monarchy, isn’t that funny?” was worse. “Yes, because they loved the history that said I have to be named Zelda so any possible heroes of legend and/or incarnations of evil could find me and allow me to assist/confront them with my non-existent goddess-descendant powers,” was so far off the table she shouldn’t even be thinking it.

“Er, you don’t have to answer that,” Link said when her pause lasted a bit too long. “You must get that a lot, sorry. It was just a bit surreal to have Professor Rauru call upon ‘Miss Zelda’ for an in-depth analysis of historical interracial politics.”

“It’s okay, I did get it a lot,” Zelda admitted, “sorry for freaking out a little, spending middle school being called ‘Princess Zelda, Queen of Freaks’ still hits me sometimes.” Stupid! How did she manage to come up with a more embarrassing response than all the others. She rushed, “I mean, haha, I’m over it. It’s just a name. And I’m not the only one named after historical figures, Link, the Hero of Hyrule, so . . .” And it was getting worse, she couldn’t look away from her lap. Please cooperate mouth, “So . . . it’s not as unusual as you would think?”

Nope. Call it a day. Worst work she had ever put forth in a conversation. Only thing left was to leave awkwardly and hope they never cross paths again.

“Actually I think—”

“You’re right, sometimes parents do give us ridiculous names to live up to,” Link said, speaking over her. Zelda stopped reaching for her bag and looked up. He smiled gentle, his hands on the table, “Mom always says that my name came to her in a dream, and Dad was hoping I’d turn into a great warrior that would follow his footsteps into the military. He’s always groaned about how my name was wasted on an artist and aspiring teacher.”

“Link is the name of a peacemaker,” Zelda defended, leaning forward and staring him straight in the eye. “In times of chaos and strife, a peacemaker means being a warrior that protects those who wish to stop fighting from those that wont stop. The heroes of Links past were successful against evil because they pulled tools and philosophies and lessons and fighting styles from every people of Hyrule. In times of peace, to be a peacemaker means connecting people across cultures in different ways. Through art, which is universal and touches the light of intelligence and soul of fire within all of us. Or teaching, affirming ideals of peace and understanding before the weight of the prior generations’ grudges take hold. Your chosen professions honor the name ‘Link’ and every Link that has gone before you through the annuls of time approves of your decisions.”

Link’s mouth was hanging open by the end of her speech.

Why had she said that? The words didn’t feel like they came from her, but they were true. She felt their truth down to her soul, but it was like they had been whispered in her ear, and she commanded to speak, more than something she would ever say on her own.

Especially not to Link.

Oh Hylia, Link hadn’t moved.

Though Hylia might be the problem. Gosh, this was so embarrassing. Why did her freaky priestess background make her passionately spout truths when she wasn’t as the Shrine?

She felt blood flooding to her face in flushed embarrassment, and she snatched up her bag, “Oh Hylia, sorry about that! I can’t believe I said that. Uh, just ignore me, please. Please. I’m just going to tell them to wrap my food to go, sorry. Bye Link.”

She stood up and started walking to the counter when something grabbed at her backpack, stopping her in her tracks.

“No, please don’t go, it’s fine, it’s cool, I swear,” Link said. A glance back showed that he was blushing too, immediately releasing her bag. “You caught me off guard, but that’s one of the things I like about you. You’re always 100% sincere. It’s . . . it’s cool. Someone as smart as you could probably go around making everyone feel stupid, but you care more about saying what you actually think and feel and it’s cool. Don’t be embarrassed for saying something really cool.”

Zelda stared at him for a moment, trying to figure out if he meant all that or not.

He managed to turn redder, “And now I’ve used cool like four, no, five times in a row, showing I’m clearly the weird one and you should probably leave.”

“I don’t want to leave if you don’t want me to leave,” Zelda managed, taking small glances at him then away from him.

“I don’t want you to leave.”

“Awesome, does that mean I can give you your food now or what?” a girl said, jolting both of them from their heads. The girl popped her bubblegum and waited.

“Yes, please, right here,” Zelda said, hurriedly sitting back down. “Sorry.”

The girl shrugged, put the food down, and walked away.

“So, uhh, moving on,” Zelda said, “What do you think about taking Aryll to the Waker River Gardens?”

“I think it’s a good idea,” Link said. “She’s more into knitting craft wise, but we spent some summers in the Waker Islands . . . .”

The red slowly receded from their faces as they managed to have a good, not intense, conversation. She helped him plan out different things to do with Aryll, and he let her infodump on some of the local history.

Then he walked her to her bus stop, so they could keep talking.

The bus was coming and he quickly asked, “So, do you, uh, want to join me and Aryll at the Waker River gardens? The day after Midwinters? If you’re not busy, Aryll would love to hear you talk about the sculptures, I’m sometimes too quiet for her on my own.”

The bus arrived, she only had a second to decide. “Yes, I’d love to. Um, I’ll get your phone number from Mipha?” she said, drifting towards the loading door.

“Please. See you soon,” Link said, still smiling at her.

Zelda nodded. Got on the bus. Sat herself in the farthest corner she could, pulled as many folds of her scarf in front of her mouth as she could and squealed as the bus drove away.

Missing Link, staring at her through the bus window, still able to hear it.

 The week coming up to Midwinters passed by in a blur of dance practice and texting Link. Zelda did get Mipha’s blessing to pursue Link, since Link had asked Mipha about Zelda too and she wasn’t one to stand in the way of true love for a childhood crush. Mark caught on, but didn’t tease her too much. Dad teased her more, but he was so busy preparing the shrine for the three-night ceremony, he couldn’t do it nearly enough to actually affect her.

Freshly bathed in blessed spring on their property, wearing the pine robe she had donned during Farore’s day, Zelda waited for her cue as Dad and Mark got the attendees to quiet down so they could start.

It seemed like there were more people here than usually attended. Hylia worship had fallen out of style with Castletown the last two-hundred years of industrial progress. Some she recognized, like Impa’s family with their snow-sheikah hair, they came every year, and most were tourists fascinated by the fact that she was descended from a straight maternal line of royalty and priestesses, rather than actually here to obtain blessings from the Goddess. Some faces she recognized from elsewhere, like Professor Rauru.

Luckily his eyesight was going and the Midwinter’s ceremony was the one ceremony that she didn’t speak, symbolizing the years of confinement and time-biding Hylia often required of her followers before blessing them with power to overthrow the darkness. He would definitely recognize her voice, but without her speaking, she’d be just Hylia’s Priestess.

Then she caught a truly familiar face, sitting with a blonde girl.

Link.

Zelda shoved the curtain closed and backed up, accidently overturning the brazier and bringing Impa towards her in worry.

“Zelda? What’s wrong?”

“Link’s in the crowd,” Zelda said, about to kneel and clean up the ashes. Impa forcefully yanked her away and looked pointedly at her dress. Right. Divine representatives of the goddess shouldn’t have ashes on their knees before going through their devotions if they could avoid it.

What did that matter? Link’s in the crowd! He was going to see her be weird and undress halfway and see her get her face painted with crazy symbols and watch her walk with bells all over her and he’s never going to see her as a maybe girlfriend ever again!

“Breathe Zelda,” Impa instructed. “Breathe, it’s fine. You’re okay.”

“But Link doesn’t know I’m this Zelda,” she emphasized. “He’s going to think I’m a freak. It takes years of study to understand the symbols and appreciate them, he’s here as a tourist and going to think I’m a religious nutcase.”

Impa opened her mouth to respond.

“And don’t say that it’s my fault for not telling him. My childhood trauma is not my fault.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Impa sighed. She scrubbed her hands clean then pushed Zelda’s still wet hair back behind one ear. “I was going to say that this is who you are. You are part of all the women who have come before you, and your legacy will become part of every daughter that descends from you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

“You’re going to paint the triforce on my forehead,” Zelda pointed out, wringing her hands. “And he’s going to watch you take off the robe and sew the new robe onto me. How could he possibly find me attractive after that!”

“Your father found your mother’s faith attractive,” Impa pointed out. “And I found my husband’s faith attractive. To believe something with your whole heart,” the drums silenced, their cue to enter the stage. “That’s what it means to live,” she finished with a whisper. “He’s not worthy of you if he doesn’t see the beauty of this ceremony.”

“But I really, really like him,” Zelda whimpered.

“Do you love Hylia more?”

That wasn’t fair.

It also wasn’t wrong. Zelda closed her eyes and let her head hang forward. She took a deep breath.

“Go, I will follow.”

“Hylia cares about your love life more than most,” Impa promised with a kiss to her brow. Wrinkled hands squeezed hers. “Trust Her. You will be loved. And it would be a precious story if your true love was named Link.”

Impa walked out and Zelda made herself breath another prayer.

To the Goddess, I give praise for the wisdom of my ancestors in continuing to honor her and the values she guards. I am honored by the strength given to endure all trials of my faith. I am honored by the courage She grants me to risk my heart for my faith in Her and all my ancestors before me. May Her blessings see me through this night with wisdom to perform correctly according to ancient practices, strength to endure without embarrassment, and courage to proclaim my faith of greater importance than the feelings my heart. Adimen.

Impa hit the gong that was Zelda’s cue.

Zelda had practiced enough to do this blindfolded. So she made her eyes unfocus on the crowd as she stepped into the firelight, her hair damp but no longer dripping.

The hour long ceremony felt longer.

Impa disrobed her, returning Farore’s gifts of courage, claimed between the fall equinox and midwinters, to the sky by burning the fabric. Her undershift, which modestly gathered above her bust and fell to her knees, was slowly covered with Midwinter’s clothes and bells, her outfit built on top of her to drumming of the assistants and occasionally flute. Impa spoke of each piece as it layered on her. What it represented. Finishing with her dry, now plyable hair.

Zelda held still when she was supposed to still and moved when she was to ring the bells at her wrists, ears, hair, knees, and ankles. She closed her eyes as Impa applied the facepaint.

And with a breath, Zelda turned her head to more clearly be seen by the audience.

Hylia, to you I give the shame I have been holding onto. I choose you and the traditions of my mothers. I repent of my embarrassment. Let me be your avatar.

Let Link see us as one and decide for himself if I am still someone he seeks.

Impa was doing the final stroke of the triforce, and it wasn’t her hand caressing Zelda’s shoulder in a hug. Impa stepped back, and still more gentle hands helped her stand up and walk like water, breathing in Farore’s wind to fuel the fire inside her.

Except the fire wasn’t just inside her anymore. It wasn’t tucked like a battery in her heart. It felt like her breath was setting fire to the very blood in her veins. Blood pushed through her like rivers of lava, but she was not burned. The air sweeping through her lungs wasn’t a human breath, but the wind rushing through the mountain peaks of Lanyru. She felt like she had become one with Hyrule. 

Do not speak, Daughter. Know that we are here with you, always. Hylia shines on you and protects Hyrule still.

A thousand voices at once should not be that gentle.

Tears gathered in her eyes, her only available response to overwhelming love, and she did not speak as she continued her dance. The tears acted as their own blindfold, as constant as the water flowing from the Zora’s Domain into Lake Hylia, but she no longer cared about the eyes of the audience, only that the powers within her and surrounding her knew to protect all those watching, and all those that weren’t.

To each direction she rang the bells and felt her love for the races connected to those cardinal points. Gorons to the North. Zora to the Northeast. Sheikah to the East. And so forth until all the peoples on Hylia’s land, under Hylia’s protection, were blessed with another year of the Goddess’s protection from evil and the desires and whispers of destruction.

The dance turned faster, but Zelda didn’t miss a single step, her body its own chorus, its own promise, that with every step of the goddess’s representative, it was a step that worked for Hyrule’s prosperity and piece. Zelda’s every step should ring out like this, always, but instead of chimes, love for the people around her and her desire for their protection should emanate from her for all to see and understand.

She would. She would. She would.

The dance wound down, so did the flames and the lights until everything was plunged into darkness, the drums and other instruments finally ceasing.  

Zelda stood up, the bells heralding what eyes couldn’t see. She danced forward again for every direction, for every people, and she swore she could see the blue of Link’s eyes in the darkness when the cloudy, moonless night meant no one saw anything, until a leap took her behind the curtain to the northwest leaving silence behind.

Zelda held stiller than she had the whole rest of the ceremony as Father turned the electric lights back on, thanked everyone for attending Hylia’s blessing, please leave a donation on your way out, and Happy Midwinter to everyone, gods all bless.

When the shrine had emptied out of the main ceremonial area, Impa arrived and respectfully removed the bells, wrapping them for next year with barely a sound. Then helped clean her face and help her out of the white midwinter’s dress. This newly made dress would be donned and dismantled come Nayru’s day in two months.

Zelda would normally change into her pajama’s from here, exhausted, and go to bed to wait Midwinter’s morning, but Mark called out as he handed her a bag of her clothes through the curtain.

“You’re gonna want these this time,” he said vaguely. “Your boyfriend asked to see you.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Zelda said. “And he’s probably waiting to tell me I’m never going to be.” She tried to feel hurt at the statement, now that the ceremony and strength from her ancestors had passed.

But she felt fine. Zelda had chosen her faith and it was the right decision.

Now was probably the best time for Link to break her heart, with the high of the ceremony, he’d barely be able to scratch it.

“Impa, I don’t remember you painting this one,” Zelda said, frowning at the triforce on the back of her right hand. She rubbed at it, but it wouldn’t come off. “Impa?”

“Oh, my dear girl,” Impa said, putting her hands over Zelda’s. Impa’s deep set eyes were smiling and watery, “It’s not paint or ink. It’s a mark from the Goddess that you have come fully into your power as her avatar on Earth. You’re going to need gloves if you want to hide that. And if my grandmother was right, not even gloves will truly work, not when you’re doing the goddess’s business with her full might.”

“Did . . . did Mom have this?” Zelda asked.

Impa shook her head, “Your mother was an excellent Priestess of Hylia, but the Goddess did not mark her in this way.”

“Are you dressed? Can I see? Dad’s whipping up a cake right now to celebrate claiming your divine birthright, by the way. Told you you were special.”

“I’m dressed,” Zelda said, still marveling at her hand.

“Let me see,” Mark said, coming through the curtains and stopping at her shoulder. He whistled, “That’s way better than a tattoo. It was glowing during your dance.”

“Really?”

“Really, it was super cool during the darkness part. We can experiment later,” Mark decided, pushing her shoulder the way he came in, “Boyfriend now.”

“Not my boyfriend,” she said, her face flushing a little as she let him push her out towards the exit. She had been the goddess’s avatar and blessed the kingdom of Hyrule less than an hour ago, she could talk to Link.

And even if she word vomited like last time, Zelda would be okay.

She could be as embarrassing as her worst moment, and she would be okay.

Zelda grinned and picked up the pace.

“Link, hi!” Zelda said, rounding the corner to where he was waiting at the top of the steps.

“Zelda,” he said, his hand going to his hair.

“Did I see you here with your sister earlier?” Zelda asked, looking around for her.

“Aryll was cold, and she promised to wait in the car so long as I made sure you were still coming with us to the Gardens the day after tomorrow.”

Link shoved his hands in his pockets after he stopped fiddling with his hair.

“So . . . you were waiting for me?” Zelda prompted. Not scared of his answer in the least.

Link nodded, “Yeah, I asked your dad if I could see you. He almost said no, but your brother stepped in and said he’d ask you. Umm, so Zelda is a family name?”

Zelda giggled, “Just a bit.”

“Isn’t technically still illegal for members of your family to be named Zelda?” he said, then his eyes widened, “Not that I’m going to report you to the police or anything.”

“My ancestors figured that so long as they left off the fact that I am technically Zelda IV-XXIII, and my legal name is only Zelda Baker, people wouldn’t accuse us of trying to reclaim our ancestral position as heads of state,” Zelda said.

“You are the 4,023rd Zelda to bear the name?” Link asked.

“My family kept good records.”

Link groaned, “You are literally descended royalty and the Goddess’s avatar in mortal form.” His hand came out of his pocket to cover his eyes, “And you are not making this easy on me.”

“I’ll be quiet while you tell me what you’re trying to say,” Zelda promised sincerely.

He peeked at her through his fingers.

Zelda mimed locking her lips shut.

He took a deep breath.

“Okay,” he said, facing her again. “Zelda Baker, I really like you. I mean really like you. Would the Royal Goddess Zelda XXIII, consider going on a date with plain old mortal me?”

“The Royal Goddess Zelda isn’t going to come out again until Nayru’s day,” Zelda told him, grinning. “But Zelda Baker would love to go on a date with you.”

“Really?” he asked, perking up. “Umm, how does breakfast at Telma’s sound? We can pick Aryll up and go to the Gardens after.”

“It sounds perfect.”

“Great,” Link said, smiling goofily.

For a moment Zelda felt a warm hand on her back, pushing her to go one step forward. And maybe it was just the memory, the residual confidence, but Zelda took that step forward.

“Can I . . .” Zelda asked, taking the second step to be very clearly in his personal space.

“Whatever you want,” Link promised, not moving away.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked, a little shyness coming back at actually voicing the request. It sounded juvenile, like a real adult would be able to read body language and immediately understand if this was allowed or not, like in the movies. But this was Zelda’s first kiss. She wanted to be sure and clear.

“Yes,” he said, and his hand came up to cup Zelda’ cheek and pull her lips to his. His lips moved against hers, and she didn’t quite know what to do, but she pressed forward more, hoping he understood she liked what was happening.

Suddenly overwhelmed, she pulled back, her face feeling hot.

“Goodnight Link,” she said, still smiling. “I’ll see you Tuesday at Telmas, 8:00.”

“Goodnight Zelda,” he said, and waved as she escaped back to her house.

This time Zelda didn’t deny it when Mark called Link her boyfriend.

[miniscrew-anon]

HSH Febuwhump Day 4 - Knife to the Throat

Lol this kind of turned into a joke at the end but I couldn’t help it. How could I write this duo and not make them sassy as fuck?

-----

"Gimme your wallet."

"Sure thing, friend." Wars reaches into his back pocket and brandishes his money. "Here, take it. No need for violence."

"Fuck that!"

Wind, arms pinned to his sides by arms three times thicker than his own, glares up at the man behind him fearlessly. "Put that shit away, Wars! He's not robbing us! I'll kill you, you sonofabitch!"

"Uh, Wind? Maybe don't threaten the man with the knife to your throat." Warriors is not used to playing mediator. He doesn't have the patience nor the practice for it. He prefers to leave that to people like Sky or Wild, leaving him free to mouth off. But even he knows when to hold his tongue. For instance, when an unhinged mugger is holding a knife to his throat. A lesson Wind clearly skipped out on. "You do like your head where it is, don't you?"

"Take my wallet and I'll fuck you up!" Wind struggles but he's not the most athletic; the man holds him easily and digs into his pockets. Wind snarls and squirms, hissing threats and spewing vitriol at the man with his life in his hands. He’s completely unaffected by the thin red line across his neck that dripped blood into his collar. 

The mugger actually looks at Warriors, a flat expression on his face as if to say is he serious? Wars shrugs, tossing his wallet over to the mans expecting hand.

The mugger unceremoniously drops Wind to the floor, turning and running before Wind can pick himself up.

"Yeah you better run! Motherfucker! I'll find you, you dipshit! Don't think you're safe! I'll track you down and sell your fucking kidneys on Ebay!" Wind fumbles to his feet and tries to make chase, red in the face and seething.

"Whoa there!" Warriors catches him across the chest and forces him back. The ex-guard steps into Wind's path to block the boy from making a terrible decision. "Wind, stop! Are you crazy? What are you doing?"

"Chasing down a bitch!" Wind tries to push past Warriors but gets shoved back again. "Move!"

“Absolutely not!” Wars tugs his scarf off and pressed it to the wound on Winds neck, dodging swats. “You’re not chasing after some criminal. What would you even do if you caught him? Get your ass kicked again? No, we're going home.”

Hopefully Warriors will avoid an eviction if he brings Wind back only slightly damaged. So much for getting Wind out of the house for some fresh air. 

Wind was still pissed but he gives up trying to push past Wars. “He’s gotta pay”

“And he will. I’m sure you can find him - his name, his address, his bank account. Just like I’m sure the Old Man would be happy to have a conversation with him. No need to get yourself killed over a few rupees. Revenge is best served cold and all that.” Satisfied that the cut was only surface deep, Warriors pulled back, grimacing at his stained scarf. Well, that’s something to toss into Times dry cleaning pile. “Besides, if I let you get yourself killed I'll never get a replacement card! The Old Man will be far too busy with funeral arrangements.”

"Are you serious? Is that all you're thinking about right now? The Old Man’s credit card?"

Warriors makes an offended noise. "That's not all I'm thinking about! It's just one of the things I'm thinking about. There's also my license and my medical card and - damn! My platinum membership card to Starlit Memories! Goddess, that's going to be such a pain to replace. That shop is so stingy with their membership cards, too. I hope this doesn't affect my standing with Isha - she hates when people are careless."

Wind hits him with a dead eyed stare he must have learned from Four. “Your stupid punch card? Really?”

Warriors is only kind of offended. "What? I’m allowed to have priorities."

------

Wind is a goblin and a terror and he has zero self-preservation.

[donutsupremacy]

Partners in Crime

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Summary

"Teaming up with your agency's best spy, agent Shikanoin, the two of you were tasked to infiltrate a grand masquerade and retrieve a highly valuable toxin. However, neither of you were prepared to accidentally attract the other while doing so."

Warnings

Physical fighting that's badly written

Blood

Guns

A twinge of jealous and protective Heizou

Cussing

Non-consensual touching

Sexual jokes sprinkled in

Idk wtf i'm writing so this whole thing is just full of bullshit but I did it anyways because Heizou

Heizou is a little shit, but genuinely thinks you're the prettiest person he's ever seen in his whole life

The fighting part is half baked, but 100% cringe

Reader is gender neutral, attire is not mentioned

Spy AU

This fic is much longer than usual

Not proofread—

A/N: Happy Valentine's day! Celebrate with me as I sit on my bed, farming for Heizou's Crit DMG artifacts and cry in DEF% while simping for him~

This is especially for Heizou because I would sell my kidneys for him if he asked—

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Your romance begins here

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"He likes being late, i'll give you that." You grumbled impatiently, tapping your foot on the marble tiles of the floor. Your eyes glanced at the clock on the opposite side of the room, it was near 8PM, which is when the both you and your partner are supposed to be at the masquerade.

Two boxes sat on the desk, one red and the other [favorite colour], collecting dust since this afternoon. Both boxes contained your preferred attire, presumably his as well.

"Shikanoin just happens to live really far from the agency. You know, he always arrives 10 minutes late before a meeting." Kuki said, her eyes glued to the paper in front her. "Plus, you don't get to be on paperwork duty every single damn day..."

You chuckled, patting her on the back. "You're the only reliable one here, I would end up sleeping while reading halfway and drool on the papers." Kuki snorted while sorting out a small pile of papers, giving you a gentle punch to the shoulder.

You leaned back on the wall with your arms crossed, thinking back to when you received the mission. You have yet to see this elusive 'Shikanoin Heizou', neither has he actually met you. All you knew was that he was the best spy in the agency, also quite the troublemaker.

According to the task given by the director, both of you are to infiltrate a masquerade and search for a toxin that could not only sell for dozens, but also kill a whole elephant in one tiny drop.

It was odd, putting supposedly the best spy on the job, only to bring in someone else to help sounded pretty ridiculous to you. You're not even sure if you could work things out with this guy, he's rebellious and tends to push the wrong buttons all the time by being a huge tease.

You would just have to bite the bullet on this one.

"Shinobu! Nice to see you again so late in the night!" A sudden unfamiliar voice called out nearby, you whipped your head around to see a burgundy haired male sauntering towards the both of you. His olive eyes met yours, the corner of his lips perking upwards into a smirk.

You clicked your tongue, unfolding your arms and grabbing the two boxes from Kuki's desk. "Took you long enough, c'mon, go get changed." You tossed the red box to him and heades straight for the rest room, only to stop when you heard him whistle a little to loudly for your taste.

"Oh, so this is '[Full name]', hm? My, my, Shinobu, did you pick them out as my little helper personally for me? You certainly know my taste." Your cheeks grew warm at his compliment given in a casual tone, turning around to glare at him, only to have his surprisingly muscular arms hooked around your neck.

"H-Hey! Where do— y-your arm, Shikanoin!" You struggled to pry his arm off, facing away in hopes that he wouldn't see the blush on your face and realize that his charm had worked on you.

From not so far away, your green haired friend barely suppressed her laughter. To be honest, Shikanoin Heizou was right.

It was her who picked you out as his partner.

<Time skip>

You placed your [Favorite colour] mask over your face, barely batting an eye at your bored partner who was standing next to you, his eyes wandering around. You're not sure if he's scanning the place of if he's actually bored and mindlessly looking around.

After thanking the driver, you immediately walked off without waiting for Heizou. He stood there for a brief second, watching you walk away from him. The burgundy haired male jogged up to you, his face obscured by the mask he wore, but you could still see the playfulness in his eyes.

"Hey, now, sweet heart, why the long face? It's a party, parties are meant about having fun! So turn that frown upside down, yeah?" He chuckled, but you only rolled your eyes.

"I'll smile when we get inside." You whispered to him, noticing several other nobles nearby. You hear him chuckle, thankful for the mask covering your face.

"Buzzkill..." Shikanoin muttered in a dejected manner, watching you walk away from him. Still, he stood up straight, he wasn't going to let your little rejection slide so easily.

You have to admit, though, he looked quite charming in that suit of his.

Perhaps he could use that charm of his to coax out the location of the toxin from the host, if he were to be insane enough.

Entering the mansion, you marveled at the interior design of the marbled floor and the golden chandelier hanging above you. The room was flooded with nobles wearing all sorts of masks, many which covered their faces. Some took their masks off, complaining it would ruin their makeup.

However, your masks were no ordinary masks, but gadgets used to detect for the substance behind thin walls. You reached up to subtly press the tiny button behind your mask, pretending to adjust it. You looked around through the mask's green vision, but couldn't find anything.

You quietly clicked your tongue, grabbing onto Heizou's sleeves, only to realize he wasn't near you. "...Heiz— ugh." You bit your tongue from yelling his name, eyes glaring at the said spy who was now all the way across the room chatting with two ladies.

This was the best spy in the agency? You're starting to think the whole world is doomed now. You pressed the button behind your mask once more, pretending to adjust it as you began walking in a random direction, looking around to see where it could be.

Neither of you were given much information on where it could be, for all you know, it's possible the host had sold it off in an auction hours before the party. You had no choice but to continue foward in search of the toxin.

You spared another glance at your partner, finding out he was gone from his original position and now chatting with a group of men, a glass cup of wine in their hand.

Your eyes met with his, you narrowed your eyes at him, giving a subtle 'What are you doing!?' message to him. He lifted up a finger to his index, his eyes now serious. You nearly scoffed out loud, he was supposed to help you find the toxin but he would rather sneak off and chat around with others for no reason!? 'Some team effort this is...'

You turned away in a huff, continuing your search alone.

Unfortunately for the both of you, the host wasn't available at the moment, not until midnight. You would've tried to find the host and persuade them to reveal the toxin's location.

Maybe it would've ended in a fight either way, but it's better to save up your time and effort for this.

Not paying attention to your surroundings, you had realized you were lost and couldn't see Shikanoin anywhere now. You kept yourself from yelling out his name, opting to search for him instead in case he got himself into any trouble.

Even if he's as annoying, you still need to make sure he wouldn't be alone in a fight and get seriously injured.

You slide yourself through countless masked strangers, uttering out apologies when you stepped on their foot or attire. It wasn't long until you saw that familiar burgundy red hair of his, you let out a quiet sigh and reached out to grab his shoulder.

"You need to stop fooling around and start helpi— Oh! Uh..." You reeled your hand away when you were met with an unfamiliar face, now, you found yourself in a rather awkward position. "I-I'm so sorry, sir. I thought you were my friend."

You bowed your head apologetically and hurriedly turned around to continue looking for your partner, but a hand firmly grabbing onto your shoulders stopped you in your tracks. A velvety chuckle erupted from the man's throat, pulling you back to him. "Don't sweat it, sugar. Turn that frown upside down, yeah? You look cuter with a smile~"

He wasn't drunk, you could tell by the lack of alcohol in his breath. His eyes, though sober had a dangerous glint in them, the smile he wore was nothing but sinister.

He began trying to pull you closer to him, his hands moving from your shoulder to your hips, dangerously close to your rear. You cringed, feeling his fingers dig deeper into the fabric of your outfit and grazing against your skin.

"Thanks... but I need to find my friend—" You tried to push him away, afraid of drawing attention.

"Why, I think your friend has already ditched you. Such a pity, isn't it?" He chuckled, grabbing your chin and forcing you to face him. "Don't worry, sweetheart... I can show you a great time if you—"

"Unfortunately for you, good sir, they already have someone else showing them a good time." Once again, you were dragged away. This time, you smiled at your burgundy haired saviour, whose smile was less friendly and more threatening towards the man.

You came back to your senses when you realized his arm wrapped around your waist, your face burning bright red at how tight his hold was on you. "...At least don't hold me like this!" You hissed quietly at him, wishing to wipe the smirk off his face with a punch.

Honestly, though, you were more relieved to see him. You'd still take that to the grave anyways.

The man clicked his tongue, adjusting the cuff of his suit and reached out to grab you again. "Friend of them, I presume? Too bad, I already reserved a wonderful night with them—"

Heizou only chuckled, slapping his hand away rather harshly. "Oh? I already reserved a one way ticket to hell for you, wouldn't want to pass up that opportunity now, would you?" The man glared at your partner, gritting his teeth and balling up his shaking fist. "Dare to lay a finger on them again and not only will you have to look out for your... oh so fragile bones, but your reputation too."

Your partner gestured to the sea of people surrounding the three of you, a fight suddenly breaking out would be a disaster for your mission.

Noticing a few eyes already staring at the three of you, especially sending judgemental looks to the man and admiration towards Heizou. Because of his attractive appearance or his protective nature towards you, you're not sure.

Heizou's arms slipped away from your waist, now holding onto your hand. You looked down to see his fingers intertwining with yours, your blush worsening at the warmth radiating from his palm.

"Have a good night, my good sir." Winking teasingly at the furious man, Heizou brought you towards the opposite side of the room. You obediently followed him without another word, embarrassed of getting saved from this rebellious rascal.

Towards the corner of the ballroom, there were less and less people, the both of you had eventually entered an empty narrow hallway. Unfortunately, through your mask's radar, the toxin was no where to be seen.

"...Are you alright? He didn't actually hurt you, did he?" Heizou asked as soon as the two of you were in a more quieter spot, his hands holding onto your bright red cheeks and checking you for any injuries. It was almost cute to see how worried he was for you.

You stammered out his name, swatting his hand away while blushing madly at his gentle touches. "I-I'm fine! Don't coddle me like this, it's embarrassing!" You hissed, adjusting your attire. "And this wouldn't have happened had you stuck with me from the beginning!"

It didn't take long for his original attitude to come back, that annoying laughter of his making you fume. "Shinobu was right, you're quite cute when you're cranky."

"I'm not— She said what!?"

"Relax." He pinched your cheek, elicting a pained squeak from you. "The only reason I went around chatting was to search for the toxin too, without looking suspicious, of course. Just to get some more intel on the host as well, you know? You didn't actually assume I would just simply ignore an important mission like this, did you?"

"You!!—..." You paused before angrily crossing your arms, furrowing your brows at him. "...Continue."

As embarrassed as you've been feeling since meeting him, he was technically still better than you for this job. He's got a point, too. You might've looked odd walking around while holding your mask awkwardly.

It still begs the question, why did he need a partner? Let alone you? Was it because you need to supervise him? Or was it because he actually needed your help?

Seeing your cooperation, Heizou grinned triumphantly. "The toxin isn't in the main ballroom, but we haven't check the hallways yet. It's not here and since there's four connecting from the ballroom to... wherever they lead to, let's split up again and cover two each."

"Fair enough... but what if you or I run into trouble?" You asked.

"Forgot to give you these." Heizou chuckled, raising something small in his hands. You didn't get a good look at what it was before he suddenly moved closer towards you.

You froze, your entire face growing hotter as he neared you with that gentle, yet, teasing smile of his. "Wh-What are you!?—" You sealed your eyes shut, muscles stiffening in anticipation. You could feel his breath hitting the surface of your lips, your heart beating loudly in your ears.

Yet, nothing happened.

You opened one eye, only to see that smirk once more. "Too impatient for your reward, huh?"

"Wh-What!?" You stammered out, lifting a hand to touch your cheek. Your fingers happened to graze a small device implanted on the shell of your ear, it was yet another gadget.

"It'll help us communicate with eachother better." The male explained, brushing aside his hair to show the same device on his ear. "You really need to stop being so inappropriate~"

You scoffed, giving him a punch to the shoulder. "I wasn't thinking about anything! You pervert!"

"I'm the pervert? You're the one assuming things." Heizou laughed, his smile sending the butterflies in your stomach fluttering, and at the same time, your blood boiling.

You grumbled underneath your breath, giving him your middle finger before leaving him in the halls, another groan of annoyance erupting from your throat at his velvety laughter.

Watching you leave through the doors of the hallway and into the ballroom, the male lifted a hand, touching his lips. "...Heh, you really thought, huh?" He couldn't hear his own chuckle, the muffled noises of chatter and music still loud in the hallways.

"How cute~"

Meanwhile, you sucessfully arrived at a hallway on the other side of the mansion. Unfortunately, there happen to be quite a number of people roaming around.

You straightened your posture and walked foward, giving a nod to those who passed by you. With the radar still on, you try to subtly scanned the whole area while greeting the guests. It's hard trying to be inconspicuous while looking for something at the same time.

It was a fruitless search, you've arrived at the end of the hall and the toxin was, once again, no where to be seen. You glanced outside, suddenly seeing several black limos parked outside, they weren't there moments ago.

You decided to shrug off the detail and turned around, exiting through the same door you entered through and look for the second hallway.

Heizou, on the other hand, came up to a dead end for the first hallway and was now in the second one, similarly to you. Thankfully, it was dead empty with no one else inside. Perhaps he entered a restricted area of the mansion, but it's not like he cared anyways.

The hallway had several expensive paintings on the wall, he spared a second to admire the artist's works that had golden frames with gorgeous embellishments. At the end had a large window, showing a large well-mantained garden outside. Clicking on his mask's button, he looked around while walking down the hall.

Through the mask's radar, everything appeared green, nothing unusual in sight. Not until he was halfway down the hall did something white emerge in the radar.

Heizou stopped in his tracks, facing what he presumed was the toxin and lifted the mask. It was hidden behind a painting. The male snorted in amusement and grabbed the painting's golden. "A picture? Honestly, are we in a movie or som—"

He paused as soon as he removed the painting, settling it on the ground before realizing he was now facing a safe with a rotary lock. The male clicked his tongue in annoyance before pressing on his ear's communicator. "Hey, (Name), I found the toxin."

On the other side of the mansion happened to be you, still walking down the 2nd hall. "Really? I'm on my way, where are you?" You asked, retracing your steps back to the door you entered.

"The hallway closest to the mansion's garden... Y'know, it might take a while, i'm not an expert at breaking into safes." He chuckled awkwardly in your ear, almost as if he was embarrased. And he was.

This is your chance now. "Oh? Is the legendary Shikanoin Heizou actually struggling with something for once?" You laughed, it was your turn to do the teasing.

"In my defense, I rarely get missions where a safe is involved. I usually handle those 'Take down all bad guys and bring in safe to agency so they can take care of it' types of missions. I don't have any gadgets for safe breaking either." Heizou spoke quickly, you could picture him raising both of his arms while talking to you.

"Stay right there, i'm on my way." You stated right before you exited the hallway and back into the ballroom.

"Take your time, it's gonna be a while."

<Time skip>

"There you are." You said right as you entered the hall with Heizou inside. The said male happened to be on one knee, fiddling with the safe's lock.

Hearing your voice, the male looked to his side, grinning widely when he saw you. "I told you to take your time, didn't I? You could go on a walk, taste the delicacies... Yet, you sure came as soon as you could. Do you really miss me?~"

You scoffed, his teases never failing to make you blush. "Y-You wouldn't be there to protect me if I ran into another creep."

"So, you consider me as your protector?" He asked, going from a smirk into a gentle smile, as if he were fond of the idea.

"More like that one annoying puppy who follows me around everywhere." You scoffed. "Now move. Let me handle this."

Heizou stepped aside with a puzzled expression, watching you take his spot. "...You know how to open this thing?"

You chuckled and took off your mask, flicking his forehead gently. "Unlike you, I actually pay attention in training." You held the lock in one hand and began spinning the center.

It's one of your primary skills; unlocking a safe without the need of a tool. Not that you liked flaunting off your skills to others, but you would absolutely love to see the look of disbelief on Heizou's face once you cracked it open.

You blocked out his soft mumbles, focusing on the sound of the lock's noises and the light vibrations on your hand.

Heizou just stared at you, the corner of his lips perking upwards at your focused expression. The way your brows were knitted together, eyes trained on the lock as you soun the center. You were adorable. If he had his phone, he would love to take a picture of you right now.

It wasn't long before you felt and heard that one particular click on your palm, a victorious grin replacing your focused expression when you slip the lock out. "Easy as pie." You smirked at the male, whose eyes widened at your skill.

"Man alive... You've got skills, partner. I'll give you that." He praised, pinching you on the cheek once more.

You whined, swatting his hand away. "Wh-Whatever!" Once again, it was you who got flustered instead of him. "C-Come on, let's get this damn thing and leave already!"

You quickly grabbed the safe's handle and pull it open, inside was a small glass tube containing a glowing green substance. It was the very item the both of you have been looking for.

"Bingo." You both breathed out in sync, looking at eachother in shock.

"Motto stealer." You snorted, giving him a punch on the shoulder.

"That's not the only thing i'll be stealing tonight, excluding this, of course~" He winked at you suggestively, smirking at your flustered response of uttering out half-baked insults at him.

He took out a pair of blue elastic gloves tucked into his suit's pockets, slipping them onto his hands and grabbing the toxin. His hand, though protected by the gloves, chilled at a touch of the cold tube.

"It's not polite to steal other people's belongings, you know."

The both of you spun around at the same time, coming face to face with a man in a suit, presumably the manor's owner. "I suggest you put it back where it belongs."

"Oh, how convincing." Heizou replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he placed the toxin in his pocket with the gloves. "What's next? Ask us to bow down and kiss your shoes?"

You stifled your laughter, elbowing his side as a message, telling him to stop his tomfoolery.

"Mayhaps. That doesn't sound like a bad idea... does it now, men?" He chuckled, as if on cue, several— about 7— large and bulky men appeared out of no where. Now the both of you were surrounded on all sides. Two men stood beside him, holding guns pointed directly at the both of you. "Well? Are you prepared to bow down?"

"Bow down to this!" You hissed, pinning Heizou down to the ground, successfully avoiding two bullets that nearly shot the men behind you. With a swift kick to the hand, one of the guns flew up into the air.

Heizou, recovering from your sudden tackle, lunged towards the other men. Both men were now disarmed, but not harmless. You grabbed the gun as Heizou grabbed the other, you turned around and aimed for one of their legs.

Your mission was to take the toxin, not massacre a whole group.

However, as soon as you pulled the trigger, nothing happened. Your eyes widened in confusion before a fist was sent flying at your direction, you won't be able to block this one.

Thankfully, Heizou had grabbed said fist by the wrist, twisting the man's arm before sending a punch towards the face. The man cried out in pain, stumbling backwards. "These guns are useless!" You groaned, tossing yours away to who knows where.

"There are only two of you, I don't see the problem." The owner sneered. "Get them!"

Heizou, tossing away his gun, nodded his head towards the men while grinning at you. "Got any more skills you wanna show off?"

You smirked back at him, the both of you getting into a prepared stance. "Oh, thanks for asking, i'd love to rub them into your face."

adrenaline coursed through your blood as the group of men sprinted towards the both of you, your hands balling up into fists. The mission didn't say you couldn't knock out a few people either.

You ducked, dodging the first blow before sending a punch towards the abdomen, before delivering another one towards the chin, taking one down with ease.

Heizou, who was right beside you, was the first to send a punch towards one of the men before turning around to use his elbow and jab the other in the stomach, another one down.

In sync, the both of you briefly leaped upwards a little and kicked them in their faces, sending them flying and eventually barrelling into the others at the back.

"Ah, I see you are a copycat." Heizou teased as he sends a flurry of kicks towards one of the more conscious men, even while fighting, he couldn't helo but admire your swift and powerful fighting techniques.

"You act like you invented fighting!" You scoffed, moving to the side in a smooth motion to dodge one of the men lunging towards you. Seizing the opportunity, you grabbed the man by the back and easily flung him to the other side of the hall, like tossing a ball. "I'll show you who's the better fighter!"

"Be my guest." He chuckled, admiring the burning passion in your eyes.

As the fight continued, the amount of men slowly dwindled. The both of you made sure to not severely injure them, just knock them out cold.

Despite having the upper hand in numbers, the owner slowly began to realise that he had already lost the battle. After the two of you have dealt with the men, he was next.

Afraid of his punishment, the owner slowly retreated back, opting to escape into the ballroom. He doubt either of you would have the guts to harm any of the innocent guests in search of him. Besides, no toxin is worth his head.

Unfortunately, you were just too fast.

"You know, this aaaaall could've been avoided had you just kept quiet and not engage in a fight with us." Heizou said, dangling the toxin between his gloved fingers.

"But no, you just decided to butt on in." You added, giving him a coy smile as you stretched your slightly sore limbs, elicting a satisfying pop from the joints. "Luckily, though, we're not supposed to kill anyone."

"Ahaha~ But that doesn't mean we can't knock you out." Heizou lifted up his fist while grabbing the collar of the man, who desperately clawed at his hand. You mimicked Heizou, lifting up your own first.

"Goodnight~" The both of you sung at the same time, before punching him at the center of his face. Letting go of his collar, the now unconsious man collapsed onto the floor, his face donning a large purple bruise from your strength combined.

You huffed, twisting your wrist. "I can see why you like these missions involving fights, now."

Heizou chuckled as he pulled out a small communicator, lifting it up to his lips. "Sara, come in. We've got the toxin, send someone over to pick us up. Also, send someone good with speeches over, or whatever. Maybe Thoma will do. The host is down, we need someone to wrap up the party without stirring some suspicion."

As per usual, you dragged the men and propped them against the wall, cuffing their wrists together. Once you were done, Heizou placed his elbow on your shoulder, leaning on you. "Well done, partner. Does this mean we're even now?"

"We never have been, jackass." You scoffed in amusement.

"Never have you say? How about that reward you were looking foward to from the very beginning?" He asked, his eyes half-lidded with that annoying smirk of his.

"...What reward—" You were abruptly cut off when the male suddenly planted his lips on yours, his arms wrapped around your waist before you could even trip on thin air.

Though, caught off guard, the kiss barely lasted a few seconds. He pulled away before you could do anything else, you struggled to balance yourself once he withdrew from your lips. "That one~" He hummed, walking away from you with a triumphant smirk.

"Wh-Wha— Hey! Get back here! I'll kick your ass if it's the last thing i'll do!" You barked, catching up to him and spewing out more insults towards him. All the while he basked in your attention.

Needless to say, the mission was a sucess.

And so was this blooming relationship.

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A/N: Happy Valentines day, everyone!

Yes this took nearly half a month to finish, I had school to attend to.

[iamapoopmuffin]

Pokemon Fankids: Rocketshipping

Here they are, the main event, the little spawnlings of the ultimate OTP!

Overall I’ve ended up giving Jessie and James 5 kids. The eldest is JJ, who I’ve spoken about a little before. JJ is a very high energy lad and is Alex’s best friend. Of all of Alex’s friends, JJ is the one most likely to be interested in the gym challenges and leagues. He’s ambitious and loves anything that puts him to the test. Also he vlogs his journey, especially every time he enters a gym or contest, seems to have a drive for fame as his mother did. Also fun fact he definitely owns a Pikachu. His one is female. He loves her. JJ has magenta hair and green eyes. He and his sister, Mary, are named after the children of the real Jesse James, and other members of his family also call him Junior.

The second child is Mary. Her and JJ’s relationship is very much as the siblings who would sell each other for a corn chip but would also give each other a kidney. She’s affectionate and charismatic, and aspires to be a top coordinator. She’s best known in the circuits for her use of her Milotic and her Galarian Meowth, Fluffles. She has a friendly rivalry with Butch and Cassidy’s daughter, Sundance. She has short, periwinkle hair and blue eyes, and an awesome fashion sense, by which I mean she wears the cutest damn shirts ever.

Next are the twins, Cole and Clell. Fun fact, these two, originally under the names Tam and Les, were the very first Rocketshipping kids I made. Alongside Simon, they are the only kids from my original set to still exist. Their designs are intended to be androgynous as fuck but I can never decide on a hair style for either of them, just that it’s vaguely mid-length and fabulous. They both have green eyes, but Cole has his father’s hair colour while Clell has her mother’s. They are both named after members of the James Younger gang.

Clell is pure mischief. Very playful and cheeky. Very good at getting herself and those around her into trouble, but also very good at talking herself out of trouble. Silver tongued for sure. Her older siblings used to think that with her habit of making trouble they needed to watch out for her, but now they figure it’s best to keep their distance and avoid getting dragged into whatever crazy shit she’s up to now. If you hear her yell ‘snakes for the snake god’ while dragging a bored looking live Seviper by the tail, just leave it be.

Cole is passionate about machinery and innovation. Kinda nerdy, a bit of a show off when given the chance to really display his knowledge. Either an absolute fashion icon or disaster, there is no in between. Has long since given up trying to reign in the more feral nature of his twin sister, but still loves to play and spend time with her. 100% the softest child. Likes to tinker, experiment and design, and said designs aren’t limited to machinery. Creative nerd child.

Finally, the baby of the family is MJ, and yes I did name her after that Meowth Junior joke. Is her name really Meowth Junior? Who knows? In the main ‘Ash’s kid’s journey’ she’s just a little baby, but I have a child design. Jessie’s hair and eye colours, hair sort of a bob cut but curls up at the ends in a way that resembles octopus tentacles, with a little red headband with a bow on it. Her overall aesthetic screams ‘absolute spoiled brat’ but her actual personality? Bossy, affectionate, as sweet as her father and as strong willed and stubborn as her mother. Gonna get into a lot of queen shit when she grows up. Shows affection to her older siblings by punching them in the arm.

I’ve picrew’d only Mary this time, but here she is, the girl!

[metalmaul]

do you ever type out an entire opinion article's worth of thoughts on a subject your ADHD brain just suddenly brought up for no reason and 47836473 words in you're like. why am I writing this. and you delete the whole thing. anyways I just had one of those moments. it was about advertising for the grimace shake, whether they A.) bet on from the start that morbid jokes would be their sell, B.) intended their sell to be, based off something I read, corporate pride/hinting just enough that their little freak grimace is lgbt enough to get lgbt money without having that idea hanging over their heads for the rest of time (lmfao) AND THEN the morbid memes started up and maybe they encouraged them (quietly, monetarily, however,) or C.) they hadn't intended the morbidity at all (hard to believe, honestly. I doubt they would have expected the degree of it, but they had to have people who knew people would come up with the blended up grimace's body for a drink thing & that that joke alone would be a selling point for a lot of people but they can't be the ones to make it for it to work) and, at least publicly, don't support it (I haven't seen if they've made any statements denouncing it or talking about how their shake "won't kill you haha," although I would expect them to do that, maybe even say "no haha don't do that it's wrong" in public. but I can't imagine through closed doors they would actually want to make moves against it. maybe it's not selling in the way they wanted it to or expected but lmao just like. IMAGINE they took a stance of having 'moral grounds' against that trend. like no you don't. nobody believes that. be serious.)

anyways. perhaps these things will be revealed to me years down the road on some shitty cable TV or netflix special about Remembering Things OR more quickly if it turns out they've been selling stuff with ecoli in it and haven't realized it yet, or something. boy, some documentarians would give a kidney for that to happen. it would really only have to be one restaurant to be able to milk that into a 2 hour special. I guess youtubers are probably clawing for these things/the answers to these questions also but I don't watch youtubers about things like this in general. I've watched one (1) defunctland video ever. I know that might shock some of today's video analysis enjoyers.

if you read this whole post, sorry that you don't get your time back. if you don't follow me on twitter, consider yourself lucky, because this is how I am all the time

[britishassistant]

Crowley kid! Yuu gets kidnapped by one of the villain dorms and Crowley is touring the the lair and just come across his kid, just chilling their designated chair snacking and roasting the villains, maybe joking around with the minions a bit and then they see each other and it’s like that Spider-Man pointing meme

Thank you for the ask, dear anon!

This kiiinda got away from me a bit, but I thought it would be good since this blog has now reached over 200 followers! Whoo! Thank you all for your support!!

Crowley was just popping by to see how Leviathan’s operation was running.

He liked to do this kind of thing, show up when the supervillains competing for his attention least expected (or appreciated) it and demand they show him how their operations were running. The reactions and sights he got to see where always so much more honest than what a prearranged visit could offer him.

Take Leviathan-kun, for instance.

The young man is uncommonly nervous in Crowley’s presence, not quite stuttering, but clearly not far off from it either. He keeps adjusting his glasses minutely, making the light flash off them even as he rattles out his salesman’s spiel of guarantees and flattery.

The thieving corvid inside Crowley preens. Today was an excellent day for a surprise inspection.

There’s clearly something going on right now that Leviathan was desperate to hide from him, which just makes Crowley want to dig deep and uncover whatever this dirty little secret is and drag that wriggling, struggling weakness into the light.

Great Seven, he loves his job.

It doesn’t take long for him to ferret it out—as desperate as Leviathan is to redirect his attention the loyal minions moving like schools of fish through the lower levels of the lair, he doesn’t have the authority to do anything but totter after Crowley as he strides towards the control room of this fine establishment, his cane clicking against the ground with every step.

Great Seven, he loves his job.

There’s the raised voices of Leviathan’s lieutenants emanating from within, along with...someone else?

Crowley pauses, taking in the scene inside.

There is a person is tied to a chair in the center of the room with one of the Leeches hanging sideways off of their lap, arms wrapped around their shoulders as he leans backwards and swings his legs back and forth. The chair is beginning to teeter dangerously.

“Floyd, if you make us fall again, I’m suing you for damages.” A familiar voice quips.

Crowley’s insides go cold.

“Aha! So mean~ I’d never let you get hurt, Shrimpy~” The reckless and violent twin coos, nuzzling close.

“You already did.” The most kidnapped reporter in this city deadpans. “Twice.”

“Bold of you to assume that you’d be able to press charges in the first place, Yuu-san.” The sadistic and coldblooded twin grins.

“Azul likes me better than you two, he’ll represent me if I sell him my kidneys.” Yuu says loftily. “Plus I have witnesses, like that guy...there...”

Well, that’s ruined his dramatic entrance, but Crowley slams open the doors anyway, making his cloak billow and letting those leeches see the angry flash of his eyes.

“A-hem!” He booms. “What exactly do you think you’re doing? Is this how you think professional villains behave?!”

The sadistic twin stands to attention, bowing shallowly to him, as though that will keep Crowley from noticing how he’s moved in front of the hostage and his violent brother, who’s curled over Yuu with his feet planted firmly on the ground and is cocky enough to think baring his teeth at Crowley is somehow a good idea.

“Floyd.” Leviathan’s voice is clipped, moving towards his henchman and the captive. “My deepest apologies on behalf of my staff, sir. I’ll instruct them to take the prisoner back down to the holding cells to continue the inter—”

“No, you will not.” Crowley commands, swirling towards the aquatic supervillain. “You will release them from your custody immediately, and as I am so gracious, I will be sure to educate all of you about how violating personal boundaries—”

“Oh, come off it, you old crow.” Yuu drawls, one eyebrow twitching. “Don’t start pretending like you care now.”

The sadistic brother makes a small, choked noise. Leviathan has gone so still it’s doubtful he’s even breathing. Even the violent twin is staring at the reporter like they’ve grown a second head.

He clears his throat to hide the small sting in his chest at the remark. “W-why I don’t know whatever you are talking about, stranger I have never met before. I will arrange for an escort to guide you home, as I am so gracious.”

The reporter scoffs. “Well, isn’t that just the story of my life. I told you last time, I don’t want any of your goons within ten blocks of my apartment, remember?”

“Yuu, while I always appreciate your sparkling wit, please stop talking.” Leviathan mutters, eyes focused on Crowley. “Are you aware of just who this person is?”

“Who he is? Of course I know who he is.” Yuu’s exasperation is evident in their voice. “He’s my bio dad.”

Crowley bristles, feeling his feathers puff up in alarm. “Hatchling!!��

Leviathan chokes, wheezing for air as he gasps out, “Bio—what—?”

The sadistic Leech brother is visibly startled, whipping his head back and forth between Crowley and Yuu, lips moving too fast to read though no sound comes out.

“Eeeh~? The big scary boss man is Shrimpy’s dad? No waay~” The violent Leech brother jabs a thumb in his direction. “Who would fuck him?”

“HOW DARE YOU—!”

“Nobody.” Yuu says. “I was born via in vitro fertilization.”

“Hatchling~!” Crowley whines, disliking how wrong-footed his child leaves him. “That is hardly kind!”

Yuu lets out an undignified snort. “Sure, because that compares to dumping me back on Uncle Divvy after a week out of the test tube with instructions to leave me under a bridge somewhere.”

Both Leech twins pin him with equally unnerving stares, and Crowley has to remind himself that he is three times the villain they’ll ever be, that they couldn’t actually hurt him even if they did both attack at once.

Leviathan is just leaning against his desk, mouthing “Uncle Divvy” to himself with the sort of frquency usually reserved for those afflicted by Divus’ hysteria gas.

“We talked about that!” Crowley pleads desperately. “It was to make sure that you could grow strong through adversity! I could hardly expect you to take up my position if you grew up soft and dependent, now could I?”

“Babies are soft and dependent, that’s the whole point. I’d have been dead within the week if Uncle Divvy hadn’t given me to Mom and Dad.” Yuu sighs, slumping back into the chair. “Whatever. I’m never taking over from you and I don’t want any of your money. Can I go home now?”

“I’ll arrange for a car as I am so gracious—” Crowley states firmly at the same time as Leviathan interjects with “Ah, let me take you—”

He shoots a poisonous glare at the young upstart, and then at the unprofessional lackey who’s still clinging to his child.

“No thanks, to both of you.” Yuu sighs. “I’ll just call Yuuken to pick me up—”

“Eeeh?! But Shrimpy, he’s so lame and boring!” The twin in Yuu’s lap whines. “I can’t even squeeze him properly!”

“Yeah, that’s not really a negative here.” The reporter quips, putting up with the way the merman whines and nuzzles into their shoulder, teeth dangerously close to their jugular.

“I don’t like him.” Crowley sniffs. “He’s too good an influence on you.”

“Well, guess whose business that is?!” His offspring asks cheerily, before dropping back into their irritated moue. “Not yours. I’ll spend time with whoever I please, you can go suck an e—”

“I’ve called you a cab, Yuu-san.” The sadistic Leech brother pipes up, pulling his phone away from his ear. “It’s already paid for, so please don’t worry about it.”

The reporter frowns again, before shaking their head with a tired sigh. “Thank you. I need to go sleep off a migraine, so untie me and I’ll see you three next week or something.”

Leviathan moves forward to tug swiftly at the ropes pinning their arms behind their back and pulling his henchmen off of them, finally. “Let me escort you out at least. It wouldn’t do to have any more unpleasant surprises before you got home.”

“Fine.” Yuu pins Crowley with that look that always makes him want to squirm. “Have a lovely day, Dire Crowley-san.”

“Likewise.” He watches his heir walk out as the violent Leech twin calls out “Bye bye, Shrimpy~!”

He turns to those two upstarts, drawing himself up to his full height. “I am certain I don’t need to impress upon you the fact that none of what went on in here leaves this room, yes?”

The sadistic one meets his eye for a moment, spreading his hands wide with an unpleasant smile. “I am unsure of what you mean, Crowley-sama.”

“Yeah, dunno~” The violent one chirps from where he’s now perched in the recently vacated chair.

“Well, suffice it to say that Divus came up with a very interesting potion to affect merfolk, some years ago.” Crowley allows himself a cruel smirk. “One that gives them legs permanently. Shame it doesn’t do the same for lungs. I will not tell him how...carelessly you boys have been treating one of his most prized experiments, as I am gracious, am I not?”

He watches the pair of them swallow reflexively with a thrill of dark satisfaction. “Yes, Crowley-sama.” They chorus.

“Wonderful!” Crowley chirps, clasping his hands together. “Now, I think it’s time for a special lesson on respecting the personal boundaries of one’s hostages, don’t you?”

[marveloussupernerd]

Miss Trustfund Kid - Zen x Han!MC

Be Nice... Or Else (3)

ITS BACK!!! Ty my patient babies for waiting and loving it :)

Reblogs / comments / asks encourage authors SM so if you have the time & like it pls let me know!

Masterlist | Previous

“What in God’s name are you doing to my sister?”

Your head snapped away from Zen’s, lips disconnecting as you turned to face your brother, standing in the doorway, hands crossed in front of him.

“Jumin!” You squeaked. “What a pleasant surprise. We, uh, got the contract figured out.” Maybe if you tried to act like nothing had happened, he would go along with it.

Nah. This was Jumin. His eyes were still trained on Zen, glaring at the man who had just been all over you.

Zen sighed, straightening his stance. “Why does it matter to you? God, you’re so annoying!”

“That’s my sister. Of course it matters to me.”

You sat back in your seat, leaning back slightly. “Jumin, can’t you just trust me on this one? For once?”

He pouted. It wasn’t normal to see such an esteemed businessman acting so childish. “Out of everyone... it had to be him? Why him?”

“You say that about everyone I like,” you countered. It was true. None of your boyfriends had ever met his approval.

Jumin’s eyes softened, just for a moment. “I just... don’t want you to turn out like dad.” He pointed towards Zen. “He may be handsome and smooth, but so is every other guy you fall for. And you always end out getting your heart broken and making a mess.”

“Hey, that’s none of your business. She can do what she wants,” Zen defended you, stepping between you and Jumin.

“You don’t belong in this conversation.” Jumin commented, bypassing Zen to walk closer to you so he could face you once again.

“Jumin,” you reached out and grabbed his arm. “Can’t you trust me? Just this one time?” You raised your eyebrows at him. I think I really like him, you were trying to say.

His frown deepened. “Sure.” He turned to Zen. “If you hurt her, I’ll sell one of your organs.”

“What!? Dude, you can’t make jokes like that.”

“Who said I was joking?” He glanced back at you. “What organ do you think we should take?”

A small smile graced your face. He was kidding, of course, but seeing how unnerved Zen was getting was funny. “Kidney. You can survive with only one,” you decided.

“Hey!”

Jumin shrugged. “You heard her. You better make sure you don’t drink too much. You need your kidneys in good health if you have to get rid of one.” He began to walk to the door. “Anyways, good night both of you.”

“Good... night?” Zen asked as the door shut firmly.

You burst out into laughter. You couldn’t help yourself. They weren’t kidding when they said they couldn’t get along.

“Not funny,” Zen fake pouted to you. “He’s never gonna let me see you.”

“He will,” you took a step closer to him, noses almost touching, “as long as you’re good.”

“I am...” he took a step back, “not good. Awful at self control really. All men are wolves, even me!”

“What does that even mean?” You giggled, taken aback by how concerned his expression was.

“When worst comes to worst, men can’t control their primal instincts. You should never trust a man!”

“You and Jumin sometimes do sound alike.”

“Hey!” He crossed his arms against his chest. “Not what I wanted to hear.”

You raised an eyebrow. But it’s true.

“Anyways, about that contract. I want to add a stipulation,” Zen said, awkwardly rubbing his arm and looking at the table.

“And what would that be? I thought you agreed with everything.”

Zen smirked, gaining back his suave attitude. “I want to take you on a real date. If it’s in the contract Jumin can’t say no.”

You clicked your tongue, shaking your head in fake disapproval. “I like the way you think, Zen. But you better be paying.”

“I’m not the one rolling in money,” he teased.

“Again, college student. Not the oldest son. Not rolling in money like Jumin. It’s not like I get to live in the penthouse.”

Zen fake-frowned. “Oh no, you have to live on the second highest floor of the building. I’m so sorry.”

You pushed him away lightly, rolling your eyes. “I actually don’t live in a C&R building. Really trying to be my own individual here.”

“Maybe I’ll have to check out your place sometime.”

You gasped dramatically. “But Zen, I could never let you in! All men are wolves!”

He paused, a small smile on his face. “You’re much wittier than your brother.” He started to head to the door. “I should get going home; do you need a ride or anything?”

“I’m good! I drove here.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Well, I’ll text you about that date.”

“Okay, good. Gotta get that contract fulfilled.”

He grinned. “Oh, absolutely, for the contract.”

You stood on your toes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips, whispering a good night to him before watching him leave the room, head turning back to glance at you when he thought you could no longer see him.

How were you already whipped?

Notes:

Zen googled how much kidneys cost that night

He also texted you that night to plan your date bc he is a simp (if y’all want those texts I am a smau expert and I’ll throw them in the next chapter)

Jumin called you at 1 am bc he was pacing thinking about your relationship with Zen

Taglist: @imatalossforwords @m4r-s @pinklawyer @loveliestmolly if your name is crossed out I can’t tag you! Lmk if you want to be tagged :)

[angst-fairygodmother]

Idiot (Affectionate) ~ A Bad Samaritan Fic

CHAPTER ONE: FIRST DAY

When your cousin Sean and his friend start up a valet business at Nino’s, where you work as a waitress, you don’t expect it to lead to any of what happens next.

Pairing: Derek Sandoval x Reader Word Count: 1893 Rating: T - mild language, reference to harassment

Masterlist

“So, how does it feel, your first big boy job?” you teased, elbowing your cousin in the ribs. 

“Oh haha,” Sean drawled, swatting at you. “You’re hilarious.”

“And adorable.” You dodged out his reach, and the two of you proceeded to chase each other around the podium for several minutes.

“I’m serious though, Sean. Suggesting Nino start doing valet parking, organizing the whole thing. I think it’s great. Better than car washes and dog walking. It shows initiative, and it’ll get Don off your back a bit.”

“How’d you know that was one of the goals?”

“Because I know you. Really, my only disappointment is that you brought him along.” You gestured over your shoulder to Derek who was just walking up. 

“Hey, come on now!” he cried.

“Derek’s my best mate, you know that Y/N,” Sean sighed. “And I think you two would get along if you gave him a chance.”

“Yeah, but he’s so...him,” you sighed, making a face of mock disgust. 

“Yo, hold up, what’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Are you sure you want me to answer that question?” You cocked an eyebrow at him, whether he took it as a warning or challenge was up to him.

“Yeah. If you got a problem with me, I wanna know what it is.” 

“I don’t have a problem with you, per se. It’s just that...you’re arrogant, and loud. Not even your voice, just, the way you are. You act like you’re hot shit, but you’re not half as clever as you think.”

He scoffed in disbelief and even though you knew you should leave it there, something made you want to keep pushing, almost to see what happened if you got him riled enough. 

“If you were, you wouldn’t be working nothing but a string of dead-end jobs.” You shrugged. “Frankly, I think both of you are wasting considerable talent being valets instead of looking at the bigger picture.”

“Wait, hang on!” Sean protested. “A minute ago you were praising my initiative.”

“Better to start your own idea than working someone else’s, sure, but I was mostly trying to be nice.” You flashed an apologetic grimace, nose wrinkling. “You’re my favorite cousin and I love you?” you continued in a rush, hoping to cover up your admission of insincerity with charm.

Sean rolled his eyes fondly at you.

“Well if you’re so smart, how come you ain’t doin any better? You’re just like us, Miss Waitress,” Derek said mockingly.

“Except I’m doing this because textbooks cost like four hundred bucks a piece and I don’t have an extra kidney to sell. Unless you’re going to give me yours?” You gave him another challenging look before sighing. “As soon as I have that degree in my hand, I am outta here.”

“Some of us got families to take care of, can’t just run away when we get bored.”

“I…” you took a deep breath, deflating. “I didn’t mean it like that. All I was trying to say is I know Sean’s got talent and someone else is bound to notice eventually, and there’s probably a brain in that head of yours somewhere. I find it hard to believe that you want to do this for life. Family first sure, I get it, but don’t you want...don’t you deserve more?”

Derek and Sean both frowned, unsure of how to answer you. Of course neither of them wanted to be valets or car washers or grocery baggers forever. But they had bills to pay, food and rent and electricity to afford. If they didn’t keep up with here and now, all the bigger picture thinking and dreaming of the future in the world wasn’t going to help. 

Something inside the restaurant caught your eye and you shook your head.

“I should probably get in there. Nino’s got Val doing place settings, and we probably don’t want to be auctioning off butter knives.” You shoved your hands in the pockets of your black slacks and flashed them both a smile. “Good luck tonight.”

Derek made no secret of staring at your ass as you walked away, a fact that Sean definitely noticed. 

“Come on, seriously?” he asked his friend, making a gesture of both annoyance and defeat.

“What dawg? Your cousin’s kind of a bitch sometimes, but she’s hot as hell. I’m just appreciating.”

~

“Nino,” one of the chefs asked a few days later. “How come you don’t feed those two boys parking cars? You feed everyone else. They must be starved out there all night.”

Nino looked thoughtful, as if it hadn’t occurred to him before. You frowned, loading your tray with table seven’s appetizers. 

“Well, they don’t really work for Nino like the rest of us, do they? They’re independent contractors,” you pointed out.

“Cold, Y/N,” the busboy, John, teased. “Throwing your cousin under the bus.”

You shrugged, weaving your way out of the kitchen. “If he wants food he should learn to put it in his contract.”

About an hour later, Nino was flagging you over, for the third time that night.

“Y/N, Y/N,” he said, rushed. “No one is eating the lasagna.”

“I can try to push more of it, talk it up or something?” you offered, not sure why he was telling you.

“No, no. It’s fine. I just don’t want to see it go to waste.” He smiled like an idea was suddenly dawning on him. “Why don’t you take some to the boys out front. David is right, they must be hungry.”

You rolled your eyes with a laugh. You should have suspected as soon as it was brought up that Nino would cave. Nodding, you went back to the kitchen to relay the order and wait.

With the two plates, rolled silverware tucked in your apron pocket, you made easy work of weaving through the restaurant and elbowing open the doors, only to grimace uncomfortably when you realized it was just Derek at their podium.

“Hey,” you said awkwardly, making him jump in surprise. “Uh...Nino thought you might be hungry and no one was eating the lasagna so he sent me out with some for you and Sean...where is Sean?”

“He’s just parking somebody, he’ll be back in a minute. Nino’s givin' us free food?” you tried to suppress a smile at the excitement in his voice. 

“No, I just brought these out to taunt you,” you joked, rolling your eyes as you handed him one of the plates and dug into your pocket for his fork. 

You were silent for a minute, shifting awkwardly, from foot to foot, still holding Sean’s plate and not sure what to do with it.

“About what I said the other night,” you said finally, chewing on your lip. 

Derek stopped, fork halfway to his mouth and looked at you.

“I may have been...unreasonably harsh…” you said hesitantly. “And I…”

The words died on your throat as you found yourself wondering if you were actually sorry. You felt guilty, but you still meant what you said. Sean and Derek were both smart people, and you thought they could do better. You had been working at Nino’s since you were nineteen, and had seen so many people insist that a job was just temporary, only to still be there almost a decade later. You didn’t want to see that happen to either of them. 

You were trying to remind yourself that it wasn’t about you, when Derek cut through your thoughts.

“Don’t sweat it, I’ve already forgotten,” he said. “It’s all good bro.”

“Oh.” He seemed so genuine in his reassurance and you weren’t sure what to do with that. Instead you changed the subject. “Where is Sean? Shouldn’t he be able to park a car quickly if he’s going to be a valet?”

“I can just hold onto his food, if you gotta get back in there.”

“Please,” you shook your head. “I’m in no rush to return to Awkward First Date, Going to Ask for a Divorce Any Second, or Family With the Twins from The Shining.” 

“How come you only got three tables when the place is packed? Don’t you handle five or six like a breeze?”

 “I got moved off two, one of them was my fault. So instead I get anyone that wants to eat at the bar. And my section has the last empty table. How’d you know how many tables I usually have?”

“Uh...I overheard some people talking when I went for a smoke break.” His eyes shifted to the side, avoiding your curious look.

“Riight.” You nodded exaggeratedly. There was no way in hell you believed that, unless they’d been gossiping about you losing tables, but he didn’t seem to know about that. 

“Anyway, why’d they get pulled?”

“The one that was my fault or the one that wasn’t?”

“Both,” he sighed, making a somewhat impatient gesture. “Sean is out parking the first car that’s showed up in an hour. Talkin’ to you’s at least something to do.”

“Glad to know I rank above staring at the sidewalk or counting the windows across the street.” You rolled your eyes.

“That’s not what I meant.” 

You leaned back, resting your elbows against the edge of the podium, bringing your faces surprisingly close together. He shoveled a bite of food into his mouth to distract himself from that fact, and the things he was thinking he could do.

“Couple of suit-and-ties celebrating some sort of business deal. One of them asked the new kid if she was on the menu, a few other lewd comments. They made her really uncomfortable, so Nino switched us around, figuring I could handle it.” You shrugged. “Same guy got a little...grabby for things that aren’t his. Nino spotted it and decided to take over the table himself. That’s one down.”

Derek frowned. He’d known plenty of people that worked in restaurants. Managers, and owners especially, didn’t typically move someone off a table for a little handsiness. But maybe Nino was one of the rare ones that went above and beyond for his staff. And if not and you didn’t want to tell him the whole thing, who was he to judge?

“The other was a complaint that I was ‘belligerent.’”

“But you’re cuddlier than a kitten, how could they ever think that?” he laughed. 

You stuck your tongue out at him childishly, laughing along. 

“All I did was correct them on my name,” you protested. “...every time they called me Sweetcheeks.”

For some reason, this only made Derek laugh harder, nearly choking on a mouthful of pasta. 

“Definitely not hostile.”

“Whatever, you dick.” You shoved him playfully and suddenly the two of you froze.

This was a shift in dynamic, a tipping point. Would he let you get away with it and tilt the scale from acquaintance to friendship? Or would he take offense? 

Sean found you in that waiting tension, shattering it with his greeting as he finally returned from parking the car. You awkwardly explained the meal delivery and sighed that you had to get back to work, someone would come get the dishes in a bit. 

Derek locked eyes with you as you turned to go. You flashed a quick smile back. 

“Did I miss something?” you heard Sean ask, lilt exaggerated by his confusion.

[readyourimgaines]

Punchline Takes a Hit (PT 1)

Summary: Hotch tells the team a joke for Jack and Spencer doesn’t get it right away. When he finally does, his ridiculous laughter awakens feelings Morgan didn’t know he had. 

Hotch came out of his office and entered the bullpen. “I almost forgot that Jack told me a joke this morning and wanted me to tell it to you all. What has two butts and kills people?” 

Elle and Morgan looked at each other, running possible answers through their minds. Hitman; no. Sadist; no. 

“An assassin,” Hotch chuckled. 

Morgan and Elle laughed. “Where’d he hear that?” Morgan wondered. 

“Someone at school heard it from their brother,” Hotch shrugged. “He was proud that he got me with it.” 

The three looked at Reid who was still contemplating the joke. His brow was furrowed, his eyes seemingly staring at the floor but not focussing. Assassin?

“Reid?” Hotch questioned. 

“I-I don’t…” he shook his head with a frown.

“You’ll figure it out,” Morgan reassured. “A hint: don’t overthink it.” 

Hotch chuckled again at the perplexed look on the youngest agent’s face and went back to his office. 

Reid got a fresh cup of coffee and sat back down. On a scrap of paper, he wrote the joke’s question and the punchline under it. Writing out the punchline was what got the joke through to him. 

The young doctor clamped a hand over his mouth, giggling. His eyes were clenched shut as he laughed. The two co-workers sitting around him shared a look. 

“You good, Pretty Boy?” Morgan chortled. 

“You just got the joke, didn’t you?” Elle sighed. 

Reid finally managed to swallow his mouthful of coffee and burst out laughing. He nodded in answer to Elle’s question. Hotch could hear Reid’s laughter from his office and couldn’t help laugh. The young genius could pinpoint where the unsub lived based on his handwriting in moments yet it took minutes for him to understand a simple quip. 

Elle spared Morgan a look, her smile softening when she noticed a different light behind the man’s eyes as he watched Reid trying to contain his laughter. 

After a few moments, Reid managed to calm himself but was left with the hiccups. Everytime Reid hiccupped, Morgan would chuckle. At first, she thought it amusing. Now though? Five minutes later? It was driving her insane. 

The brunette ventured into the breakroom and thrust a cold bottle of water into Reid’s hands when she came back.

*****

JJ and Reid were talking in the breakroom later in the afternoon. 

“Did you hear the joke Hotch told earlier?” Reid giggled at the thought of the joke.

“No. What was it?” JJ grinned at her child-like friend.

Reid managed to tell the joke- a smile constantly on his face and through giggles. 

“Want some Tums for those butterflies, lover-boy?” Elle teased suddenly, making Morgan jump. 

“Jesus, Elle!” Morgan hissed from where he sat at his desk. 

“You’re gonna talk to him, right?”

“I talk to him all the time,” Morgan shrugged, trying to dismiss the woman’s teasing. 

Elle gave him an incredulous look. 

“I- No. Not about this.”

“Why not? There’s nothing in the books saying agents can’t date.” Elle crossed her arms over her chest, tapping the toe of her shoe waiting for an answer. 

“I...It’s not a smart move.” 

“Not a smart move?” Elle scoffed. “It’s one of the smartest moves you could make.”

“What move?” Reid wondered as he and JJ appeared in the doorway. 

“Pulling his head out of his ass long enough to breath,” Elle covered, ignoring  Morgan’s galre. 

Reid’s brow furrowed again in confusion, but he dismissed it and headed back to his desk to finish the consult he was working on. 

“Butterflies?” JJ looked between the two profilers with a knowing smirk. 

“Does everyone know?” Morgan threw his arms up. 

“I’m not a profiler and I know, so probably.” JJ shrugged. 

Morgan glanced at Reid with wide eyes, silently asking the two women if Reid might know as well. The women glanced at Reid. “No,” they answered at the same time. 

“I’ll give Garcia a heads up that you’re gonna want to talk to her for date ideas.” JJ beamed and left with a bounce in her step.

*****

“Pretty Boy.” Morgan caught Reid’s elbow as the younger agent pressed the down button for the elevator. 

Spencer looked at Morgan with widened eyes, shock evident in them. “Yeah?” 

“Wanna get some coffee that’s supposed to be sweet without rotting your teeth?” Morgan offered. “My treat.” 

“Oh. Sure,” Reid smiled. “The coffee they have here isn’t good enough?” he teased. 

“Do you see the ability to steam milk?” Morgan smirked. 

“Fair point. But if you want frothy milk, it’s not hard to do. I mean, you could buy a hand-held frother- they don’t cost much. Or if you have a jar- like a canning jar- then you fill it a third of the way and shake it like crazy until the milk doubles in size. It only takes about a minute, actually,” Reid explained. 

As the two got into the elevator, Reid missed the thumbs up JJ and Garcia were sending Morgan’s way with wide smiles. 

“You don’t usually drink coffee after four unless we have a case. What changed?” Reid’s question pulled Morgan’s wandering mind back to the present. 

“Uh...it’s just one of those cooler fall days, you know? Gets ya in the mood for warmer drinks.” 

“Have you had spiced cider?” Reid asked, excitement in his eyes. “My favorite coffee house only has it from October first to December 31.” 

“You never really struck me as a cider kinda guy,” Morgan noted. 

“It has to be real cider. The stuff they sell at the store isn’t worth the money. It’s just over priced, juice made from crab apples- not really crab apples, but it’s sour enough to be. It has to be real cider,” Reid explained. 

“If you like cider so much, have you had hard cider?” 

“I don’t drink,” Reid shook his head. “I like the usage of my frontal lobe and liver too much. Not to mention what it does to your kidneys and blood- Alcohol is just back for you. Some people swear that a glass of red wine is good for at the end of the day, but more current studies are finding that it’s not because it kicks your liver into hyper drive right before you lay down to go to bed so it actually keeps you up.” 

Morgan chuckled at Reid’s info-dumping. A lot of people found it annoying, but Morgan saw the truth behind it. The more the kid trusted you, the more he info-dumped. He wasn’t huge on physical touch from others- he, JJ, and Garcia were working on that- so he showed he cared by sharing his infinite knowledge with you. 

“Sorry.” Reid tugged the cuffs of his cardigan over his palms and fisted his hands. “I was rambling.” 

“It’s all good. I knew people thought wine could help disease- my aunt swears by it- but I didn’t know they were disproving it. I’ll have to send her some of those sources of yours, huh?” 

“I can forward them to you tomorrow,” Reid nodded.

*****

Reid got up from their table to get them refills. They’d been chatting and working on a jigsaw puzzle at the back of the coffee house. Morgan sent a quick text to JJ. 

“I don’t think he knows I asked him out.” 

JJ giggled as she replied. “So tell him you asked out. You know Spence. You have to be painfully clear.” 

Reid sat back on the couch, handing Morgan one of the cups of spiced cider. “Do we have a case?” 

“Nah. Just JJ texting to see what’s up,” Morgan shrugged. He couldn’t help but admire Spencer. The younger man went right back to the puzzle, the awkward air floating miles above his head.

**********

@mayonnaiseismycomfortfood​ @chaoticgremlinwholikescheese​

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Do Whatever You Want, I’m Super Dead

Read here on AO3!

Summary:

Tim has come to the stunning conclusion that human bodies are defective and evolution needs to pick up the fucking slack.

Tim has come to the stunning conclusion that human bodies are defective and evolution needs to pick up the fucking slack. Why else would he be this miserable? Tim is settled in the manor’s TV room, curled up on the comfiest sofa in the house. He’s on his third episode of Riverdale in a row—not because he enjoys the show, definitely not. But he lost the remote under the couch some three hours ago and if he moves even an inch from his current position, he’s sure he will bleed out and die. Tim should have been prepared for this. For two days now he’s been crampy, but he figured it was just a stomachache and ignored it. Like an idiot. He let himself get lulled into the false sense of security like a helpless lamb being led right into the slaughterhouse. Needless to say, he learned his lesson when he woke up this morning feeling like his insides were being torn out with rusty pliers. Of everyone in the household, (which pretty much just means Cass and occasionally Barbara and Steph), Tim gets the worst periods by far. Yes, that is incredibly unfair and he is seriously considering selling his entire reproductive system for ten dollars on Ebay just to be rid of it. Bruce says he can get the surgery when he turns eighteen, but Tim would rather wait a few years than be put out of commission for such a long stretch of time. This is making him regret that decision, though.

It’s bad enough that every time Tim does a tampon run he has to look at that stupid “feminine care” aisle sign, like it’s accusing him of something. (And, yes, he knows that statistically there are far more cis women in the world who have periods than trans men, but still. Not fun.) To make matters worse, Tim couldn’t find his heating pad anywhere and didn’t feel like tearing apart his room for it, so instead he presses a hot thermos of coffee against his stomach, willing the cramps to subside. (Spoiler alert! They don’t. Tim’s body hates him.) Speaking of spoilers: “You’re doing the next food run after this,” Steph says as she enters the room. She’s got a bowl of hot mashed potatoes in each hand. She places one on the armrest next to Tim and snuggles into the nearby armchair with her own. “I almost blew up the stove.” Tim sits up a little, replaces the thermos in his lap with the warm bowl of potatoes. He’s starving. “You’re the best, Steph.” “Fuck you.” “So grouchy.” “I have a right to be.” “Come on, I’m too cute and crampy to be mad at. Also you’re currently in my house, so you have to be nice to me.” Steph throws an aptly named throw pillow at him. This one has the quote, “World Peace Begins With Inner Peace” stitched on the front—one of Alfred’s futile attempts at abolishing bickering in the household. Poor guy never stood a chance. “You did this to me,” she hisses. “How was I supposed to know we’d sync up? It was an innocent oversight on my part. Couldn’t be helped.”

“Jerk.” If Tim is a lamb in a slaughterhouse, then Jason is a kangaroo stepping into a boxing ring with two other, just as aggressive kangaroos. Tim didn’t even know he was at the manor today. Jay takes one look at Tim, burrowed under two blankets in a fetal position, and laughs. “Did the demon finally poison you?” “Har, har. You’re fucking hilarious.” Jason flops on the couch by Tim’s feet, probably would have crushed them if Tim didn’t move them out of the way just in time. Jason reaches over and steals Tim’s mashed potatoes like the absolute villain he is. He takes a bite, then gestures with his spoon to the television. “Why are you watching this crap?” Tim snatches the bowl back and smacks Jason in the arm for good measure. “Can’t find the remote.” “So? I thought you were a genius. Just hack into the TV or something. What else are we keeping you around for?” Tim shakes his head and eats his potatoes, uncaring when they scald his tongue. “Too tired.” “Are you sick?” “No, but my organs are melting.” Steph snorts. “And you called me grouchy.” “Oh, yeah? Says Miss “wahhhh, my boyfriend sabotaged me even though it’s actually not his fault at all and he’s just trying to live his life.’” “You did this to me on purpose and you know it. I was supposed to have another week and a half, but nooo, you had to take the reins and change it up. I have an English presentation tomorrow.” “I said I was sorry!” “Are you guys serious?” All eyes snap to Jason. “It’s just PMS. Get over it.” Tim slams his foot into Jason’s stomach as hard as he can. Jason lets out a wheeze and doubles over. “Jesus. What the hell was that for?” “Leg spasm,” Tim says innocently. “My bad.” “You bruised my fucking kidney, you little ingrate.” “Oh, you’re in a little bit of pain? Get over it.” “That was a joke.” Jason rubs the forming bruise with a wince. “I didn’t ask for a demonstration.” Tim eats his mashed potatoes and does his best to ignore Jason. He’s miserable enough today as it is; he doesn’t need his brother adding on to that misery. He gets hit with another cramp and grimaces, curling in on himself as tight as he can. So not fair. Jason stands and goes to the kitchen, leaving Tim alone on the sofa. He takes advantage of the free space and stretches out his legs across the full length again, biting back what is definitely not a whimper. Look, having a uterus fucking hurts, okay? Tim can take a gunshot any day, but his own body attacking him is just uncalled for. Whoever decided that anyone with XX chromosomes deserves to be put through pain as a regular part of life while the other sex doesn’t should be lined up and shot. Jason returns in seconds, this time with a chocolate bar that Tim vaguely remembers seeing in Jason’s junk food stash behind the microwave. He throws it at Tim, who fumbles to catch it. “Here. Am I absolved of guilt now?” Tim considers that for a moment. He gives the chocolate to Steph, who tears off the wrapper and wolfs the entire thing down in record time. She should be a gold medalist in eating. “Not much of a chocolate fan,” Tim admits. “It’s too sweet.” “Then what do you want?” “I like money.” “Why the fuck would I give you money? You’ve got PMS, you’re not dying.” “It’s like buying me another candy bar, but instead of buying the candy you can just give me the cash. Cut out the middleman.” Jason rolls his eyes. “This is what I get for trying to be nice.” “Fine, fine. If you want to buy me food, can you get some guacamole from that place next to Wayne Tower? The one with the really good quesadillas? I don’t want any quesadillas, though, just the guacamole in a to-go cup with a spoon.” Steph holds up two fingers. “Make that two,” she says around a mouthful of chocolate. “Two guacamoles. And maybe a handful of those chewy mints they have at the front counter too.” Jason sighs, grabbing his jacket from the back of the couch. “Coming right up. But you two owe me for this.” Tim burrows deeper under his blankets, smiling. Yes, they can be annoying. Yes, they are utterly hopeless when it comes to things like this. But sometimes it pays to have brothers.

[lesbian-deadpool]

The Assistant

Part Two Of Two: And There Was Funny Business

Natasha Romanoff x Reader, Platonic!Tony Stark x Reader

Words: 3,886

Warnings: I don’t think there is anything. It is mostly dialogue tho.

Request: For the @ryostephi who donated to the Australian Bushfires. (I’m sorry the tag doesn't work)

Summary: When was retirement again?

A/N: I am shocked at how much I got wrong in the first part, after re-watching Iron Man 2 as I wrote this part, and for that, I am so sorry lol. So... I know there’s still a lot of Tony in this... and I have no excuse, other than it’s based in Iron Man 2, and there's not much “Natalie” plot for me to go off of, and have it be all that good (in my opinion). So, I hope you don’t mind lol.

(Not my GIF)

***

“Explain!” Tony practically ordered you, his voice close to a screech, more than anything else.

“I’m an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.,” you told him blankly.

“Yes, I see that-!”

“How?” Natasha started, “I- I mean you can't be an Agent, I would have seen you.”

“S.H.I.E.L.D. is a big place, Natasha.”

“You always knew who I was.” She leaned back in her seat, beside Fury, regarding you.

You scoffed, shaking your head. “Of course I did.”

“Agent Y/L/N here, has been away for business for a short amount of time now,” Fury informed them, gesturing a hand to you.

“No offence, Nick. But I don’t think eight months, is a short amount of time,” you replied, causing the man to scoff softly at you, his lips quirking in a small smile.

“So, that’s where you’ve been, this whole time?”

You tuned to Tony. “Yeah, that’s why slept so much when I got back.”

“Anyway,” Fury began, drawing everyone’s attention back to him, as he spoke to Tony, “You’ve been very busy. You made your girl your CEO, you’re giving away all your stuff. You let your friend fly away with your suit-”

“Wait. Hold, up,” You paused him, raising a hand, “Rhodey took a suit?”

“He sure as hell did.” Fury said. “Now, if I didn’t know better-”

“You don’t know better. I didn’t give it to him. He took it.”

“Oh, well that's better,” you said offhandedly, as you rested your chin in your hand, watching the conversation go down.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. She’s right.” he pointed at you. “He took it? You’re Iron Man and he just took it? The little brother walks in there, kicked your ass and took your suit? Is that possible?” He turned to Natasha.

“Well, according to Mr Starks database security guidelines, there are redundancies to prevent unauthorised usage.”

“Whoa, those were some big words...”

Tony snorted softly at both your words and hers. While Natasha threw you a light glare.

“What do you want from me?”

And that was the hidden queue you were looking for. Knowing what was coming next. You sat up straight in your seat, ready to make the move.

“What do we want from you?” And there Natasha goes, sliding out of her seat. You followed in her lead. Pulling yourself up by the table, and spinning yourself around to sit next to Fury. “Uh-uh. What do you want from me?” He continued, repeatedly pointing to the man, as you wore a shit-eating grin by his side, the scene almost painting out like you were watching your sibling getting chewed out by your parent. “You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the centre of my universe.”

“But I am, right?” He raised a lone finger to you, without even looking, to silence you, as you only smiled harder.

“I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region to deal with.” You rolled your eyes as your boss continued rant, wanting for this to be over. When your eyes spotted Natasha coming back.

Fury snapped his fingers, and told Natasha to, “Hit him.”

Tony let out a startled sound, moving back in pain. “Oh, God, are you gonna steal my kidney and sell it?” He asked as Natasha checked his neck over, sitting down beside him, and watching the poisoned veins recede, “Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds?”

Turning to you and Fury, he continued to ask, “What she just do to me?”

“What did we just do for you,” Fury corrected him.

“Hey, that cleared up the Matrix puzzle, really well.” You smiled.

“That’s lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We’re trying to get you back to work,” The man by your side explained, “You should thank Agent Y/L/N over here, she was the one who requested it, and made our Science Department's lives a living hell, until we got it.”

“Wait. You had something to do with this?” Tony asked, turning to you, notes of touch in his voice, showing you he had just realised how much you truly cared for him.

“Of course I did,” you scoffed, “You really think I was gonna let you die?”

You watched as billionaire’s lips twitched in a smile, before he returned to his stoic, guarded nature.

“Give me a couple boxes of that. I’ll be right as rain.”

“It’s not a cure, it just abates the symptoms.”

“Yeah, what the thesaurus said, over there,” you agreed, gesturing to the red-head. Who in turn kicked you “lightly” in the shin. Making you hiss out a small, “Ow.”

Not paying you mind, Fury continued, studying the other man's neck, “Doesn’t look like it’s gonna be an easy fix.”

“It never is with us,” you said.

“Trust me, I know. I’m good at this stuff.” You could see behind Tony’s eyes just how helpless he was feeling. “I’ve been looking for a suitable replacement for palladium. I’ve tried every combination, every permutation of every known element.”

“Am I the only one here who didn’t understand a word of that?” you asked the table, “No? Am I being ignored? That’s nice.”

You weren’t being ignored, however. If the smirk, that was quickly wiped away, that Natasha wore was any indication.

“Well, I’m here to tell you, you haven't tried them all.”

“Well... on that note.” You spoke, “I think it’s time I took my leave.”

“I’m still mad at you,” Tony told you childishly.

Well... two could play at that game.

“Yeah, well at least Rhodey and Pepper aren’t mad at me,” you fired back, as you got up from your seat. Practically hearing the man's jaw drop behind you.

***

“Antony Stark!” you yelled, as you strolled through the open door to Pepper’s office.

“What did I do now?”

“What do you mean, ‘what did you do now’?” you seethed at him, coming closer.

“Anything else, boss?” Happy asked.

“I’m good, Hap.”

“No, I’ll be just... another minute,” Tony and Pepper said at the same time.

“Well, that was awkward,” you said.

“I lost all three of the kids in the divorce,” Tony laughed at his own joke. “Nothing?” he asked quietly, glancing over his shoulder at you and The Head Of Security. “No.”

Tony cleared his throat.

Oh, don’t do it.

“Are you blending in well here, Natalie? Here at Stark Enterprises?”

You were so gonna throttle him.

“Your name is Natalie, isn’t it.”

Murder.

That’s what shone in your eyes, as your nostrils flared, just as it did Natasha’s.

“I thought you two didn’t get along,” the billionaire gestured between the two.

He better shut his mouth.

“No. That’s not so,” Pepper told him.

“It’s just me you don’t care for.” Pepper said nothing in reply. “No? Nothing?”

“Actually, while you’re here, maybe you and Natalie could discuss the matter of the personal belongings.”

“Absolutely,” Natasha said.

“Which loosely translates to, ‘get your shit out of my office’,” you informed the man.

“Yes, I got that. Thank you, Y/N.” You nodded your head once at him, with a fake smile plastered upon your face. You were so gonna kick his ass.

Tony watched as Pepper walked away. The blonde giving you a short nod as she passed you, and exited the office with Happy.

“I’m surprised you could keep your mouth shut,” Natasha said, as soon as the coast was clear. Making Tony spin around in the chair once again.

“Boy, you’re good. You are mind-blowingly duplicitous. How do you do it? You just tear things... you’re a triple imposter.” Tony turned to you. “Can you do that?”

“Of course I can, I'm a professional.”

“How did you even get into this business?”

“Later,” you told him.

“I’ve never seen anything like you,” he continued, turning back to Natasha, “Is there anything real about you? Do you even speak Latin?”

“Fallaces sunt rerum species,” Natasha responds immediately, gathering up documents, and beginning to take her leave.

“It turns out she can.” You shrugged.

“Which means? Wait. What? What did you just say?”

“It means you can drive yourself home or I can have you, and Miss Y/L/N, collected.”

“Wait what did I do?” You asked insulted, “Also, that’s not what she said.”

Natasha chose not to answer you. Instead, choosing to say, “Control him.”

“You think I can?” You asked the shorter woman, spinning to watch her walk away as you did.

“Hey!” Tony whined behind you. “You’re good!” he called to the red-head, as she slammed the door.

“Well...” You looked at Tony. “That was a shit-show. What the hell are you doing?” you asked, as he fiddled with one of Pepper’s ornaments. “What? Not talking to me?” Sighing he stood up, taking a bite out of a strawberry, before dumping the rest into the trash. “That’s a waste. And, yeah, no it's fine. I didn’t want any, anyway.”

You sighed, throwing your head back in exasperation, as you watched the man looking at the scale-model up against the wall. Who was currently peering through his hand, as if it was some sort of a telescope.

It really was like having a child dealing with him, sometimes... most times.

“Help me with this.”

“What?”

***

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THIS PLACE?!” you roared, taking in all of the destruction around.

Yep. You were never having kids.

“I made a new element!” Tony told you proudly.

“You. Made. A new. Element.”

“Yes? Why is that so hard to understand?”

“I-... How?!”

“It’s all... science stuff. You really want me to tell you?” Tony asked, already knowing the answer.

“No. Not really.”

You took another look around the place, slowly inhaling and exhaling, as you nodded your head. “Well. Well done.”

“Thanks. It worked,” Tony said, showing you his chest.

“Good, I’m glad.” You smiled. “Now... why are you assembling a suit?”

“Vanko’s still alive.”

You stared blankly at Tony for a moment. Watching him. Making sure that he wasn’t bullshitting you. When you deducted, that he was in fact, telling the truth, you asked, “He’s what?”

***

The absolute deafening cheering going on around you did nothing to drown out the sound of your heartbeat pounding away in your ears, as you were bent over your encased legs, hands on your knees, hoping that you could manage to pant away your incoming panic attack.

You had to.

You had a job to do right now.

Vaguely you registered Tony say, “We got trouble” inside of your metal helmet.

“Tony, there are civilians present,” Rhodey said, as you followed Tony on unsteady legs, “I’m here on orders. Let’s not do this right now.”

“God,” you breathed, “I hated every second of that.”

You mirrored the man you thought of as your brother, on Rhodey’s other side. Waving to the crowd, as Tony told you too.

“All these people are in danger. We gotta get them out of here,” Tony said, “You gotta trust me for the next five minutes.”

“Yeah, I tried that. I got tossed around your house, remember?”

“Listen, I think he’s working with Vanko.”

“Of course the sonofabitch is,” you growled, glaring at the man through the mask of your borrowed suit.

“Vanko’s alive?” Rhodey asked, slightly sceptical. Which he had a right too. God, knows how you didn’t want to belive Tony. But you knew he believed Tony, he would never lie about this.

As Tony squared up to Hammer, asking him about Venko. You scanned the crowd, looking for two people in particular.

“Found Natasha and Pepper,” you notified him.

“Who’s Natasha?” Rhodey asked. You we’re about to answer him, before he continued, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.”

“What’s up-? Holy shit!”

You jumped back in alarm, at the giant mini-gun attached to Rhodey’s back, moved to aim at Tony.

“Is that you?” Tony asked.

“No. That- I’m not doing that. I’m not doing that,” he stuttered, you could hear the panic rising in his voice, “I can’t move. I’m locked up. I’m locked up!”

"Motherfucker!" you hollered, stumbling back, as the military-themed drones pointed their arms towards Tony, too. Getting ready to fire.

"Get out of her. Go! This whole system's been compromised," Rhodey ordered.

"Y/N, with me," Tony said, "Let's take this outside."

"Oh, God, that means I have to fly again."

And with that, he blasted off, with you hot on his trail. As the drones and Rhodey's compromised suit started to rain fire on Tony, and consequently, you... and the glass ceiling. I think Vanko might have taken that phrase a little too seriously.

"Uh-Oh." You wished you hadn't looked down now. "Tony, incoming."

"Jarvis, break-in. I need to own him."

"Weird way to word it there, buddy," you quipped, "Are we really fucking doing this?"

"Yep. We're really fucking doing this."

***

"Tony?" You asked as you landed next to the crashed men, "How good did you say the filtration in the suit was?"

"It's pristine. Why?"

"Because I just pissed myself."

Just then Tony and Rhodey -Or rather, Rhodey's suit- began fighting.

"Oh, shit, Tony! How do you work this hunk of metal?!"

"Just go with your instinct's!"

"Oh, yeah. That helps!" you yelled, looking at your palms, where the repulsers lay. "Come on, you piece of shit! WORK!"

Well, you got it to work. However, the bright light shot out and hit you square in your mask. But, hey! You still got it two work! Silver-lining people!

"Ow," you uttered as you fell, landing on your back in a daze.

To say you were useless with these things, was an understatement.

You finally regained yourself, a few long seconds later. And had seen that Tony had managed to kick Rhodey's ass, as you got up on wobbly legs.

"Hey, guys? Can we not tell Natasha what just happened?"

"Not tell me what?"

You jumped at the sudden sound of her voice. Since when did she have access to talk through the suit?

"Nothing!" you spoke hastily.

Natasha hummed, not believing you, moving on to her next point, "Reboot complete. You got your best friend back."

"Thank you very much, Agent Romanoff."

"Well done with the new chest piece. I am reading significantly higher output and all your vitals look promising."

"Yes, for the moment, I'm not dying. Thank you."

"This moment better last long," you mumbled.

"What do you mean you're not dying?" Pepper? When did she get here? "Did you say you're dying."

Oh, God. This is awkward. It's so awkward.

"Is that you? No, I'm not. Not anymore."

"What's going on?" she asked.

"I was going to tell you. I didn't want to alarm you."

"You were going to tell me? You really were dying?"

You were glad the suit hid the cringe on your face, as you were trapped here, to bare witness to this, a confession. Your metal hand coming up to scratch, uselessly, at your metal helmet, out of awkward discomfort.

"You didn't let me-"

"Why didn't you tell me that?" Pepper interrupted.

"I was gonna make you an omelette and tell you."

"Yeah, because omelettes make death confessions, so much better," you quipped, only to have it fall on deaf ears.

"Hey, hey. Save it for the honeymoon."

"Yeah, because they're gonna fight on their honeymoon..." You took all of a second to think about it, before changing your statement. "You know what, I don't doubt that."

"You've got incoming guys," Natasha continued. "Looks like the fight's coming to you."

"Awesome," you said sarcastically.

"Try to hit them and not yourself this time," Tony told you.

After this was done... he's a dead man.

"Pepper?"

Oh no, not this again.

"Are you okay now?"

"I'm fine. Don't be mad. I will formally apologize-"

"I am mad!" she yelled, and you sighed, getting into a fighting stance.

"-When I'm not fending off a Hammeroid attack.

"Fine."

"We could have been in Venice."

"And I could have been asleep."

"What is it with you and sleep?" Natasha asked.

"It's sleep!"

***

“She fights like a badass,” Happy breathed, inside you helmets. While you watched as drones landed all around you.

“I know, I’ve seen her.”

“Stalking much?” You could hear the smirk in her voice.

“You say that like you didn’t look me up when you found out I was an Agent.”

“You’re an Agent?!” Happy, Rhodey, and Pepper yelled at the same time.

“Old news guys, however makeshift terminators over here? New news.”

And then the fighting started.

Just like you would be on the field, splatters of battle coted you. But rather than blood, this time it was oil that painted your suit, as you tore, shot, and blew up drones.

Okay. So the suit wasn't all bad.

Tony told you and Rhodes to 'get down'. You watched as bright neon red lasers, chopped through the drones -and trees-, like a hot knife through butter.

"Can you show me how to do that?" you asked.

***

"Heads up. You got one more drone incoming," Natasha said. "This one looks different."

"What?" you asked, "Like it's got a makeover?"

"No," she said clearly, "Like the repulser signature is significantly higher."

"So, it's a boss drone then?"

Any reply Natasha had for you were cut off, thanks to the giant-sized Iron Man suit landing in front of you.

Oh, could this get any worse?

Yes. Yes, it could.

The real-life, yet no way friendly, Iron-Giant's face retracted back. Revealing, Ivan Vanko.

"God, that's not a good makeover."

"I swear to God, Y/N, I will disable your microphone."

"Hey, you two. Stop flirting," Rhodey said.

"Good to be back," Vanko said. Unknown to what you were saying, and, thankfully, to how your cheeks tinted red at Rhodey's words.

"Oh, this ain't gonna be good."

"Yeah, you're telling me," you agreed. "Ah! Whippy-things!" You moved back, startled, at Vankos sudden weapons.

"I got something special for this guy." Rhodey strutted up towards him. "I'm gonna bust his bunker with the Ex-Wife."

"The what now, please?"

"With the what?" You and Tony asked at the same time.

You waited in anticipation, watching as the shoulder of Rhodey's suit opened, and counted down. Blasting off a tiny missile right at Vanko. Which hit him. Then dropped to the ground, and fizzled out.

"Hammer tech?" Tony asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah."

You flew up into the sky, shooting Vanko from above, as the other two fought on the ground. It was gonna take a lot to bring this sonofabitch down. Tony flew up to join you but didn't get far, as two bright blue whips latched themselves onto both you and Tony. Smashing Tony into a rock. And flinging you into a corner of the closed-off park. The last thing you heard before blacking out, was their voices shouting your name.

***

You awoke as you were flying through the air.

No, wait.

You weren't flying.

You were heaved over Rhoedy's shoulder, as he flew.

"What the hell's going on?"

"Hey, glad to see you're awake." Rhodey's smile could be heard in his voice. "The drones are set to self destruct."

"Did we beat him?"

"Yeah, we did," he said, as explosions were heard and seen, all across your view.

"Oh, my God! I can't take this anymore."

Great. Just when you had thought you had finally gained a minute of peace.

"You can't-?"

God, was this just their relationship?

"I can't take this."

"-Look at me."

Yep.

"My body, literally, cannot handle the stress." You peered up at Rhodey, from your seat on the floor, the man only shrugging at your silent question of, 'what the fuck?'. You both turning back to watch the two lovebirds have their spat. "I never know if you're gonna kill yourself or wreck the whole company."

“I think I did okay!” Tony defended himself when there was a sudden explosion far in the background.

“Dumbass,” you mumbled, only the man sitting beside you able to hear what you said. Him chuckling lightly at your words.

"I quit. I'm resigning," Pepper panted, "That's it."

"What did you just say? You're done?"

Did they really have to do this shit in front of you?

Did they really have to be so blind, not to notice you and Rhodey right beside them?

Did you really have to have no popcorn to enjoy, as you watched this?

"That's surprising," Tony said, walking towards her, "No, it's not surprising. I get it. You don't have to make any excuses."

Pepper stuttered. "I'm not making any excuses."

You eyes rolled as far back into your head as they possibly could. Luckily for you, missing some of what the bickering couple said.

"You deserve better."

"Well..."

"You've taken such good care of me." Were those... tears in Tony's voice? "I've been in a tough spot, but you got me through it, so... right?"

They muttered some words that you couldn't hear all that well.

Blah, Blah, Blah.

And then they kissed.

A look of disgust appearing upon your face. And you were thankful that you, in fact, did not have that popcorn, you whished for not long ago.

"I thought it was weird." You snapped back into reality, from your unexpected daze, at Rhodey's words.

Thank, God. They had stopped kissing.

"You guys look like two seals fighting over a grape."

“Hey, hey, now Rhodey." You put your hand up to the man. "That's an insult to seals and grapes."

Rhodey laughed beside you, as the previously kissing couple grew uncomfortable and fidgety.

"Don't even try to make excuses," you told them.

"Yeah, we heard the whole thing."

“You two should get lost,” Tony says to you and Rhodey.

"We were here first," the Colonel defended. "Get a roof."

"Yeah, and I'm fine, by the way. Thank's for asking." You smirked.

"I thought you two were out of one-liners."

"That's the last one."

"Speak for yourself," you said standing up. "Oh, also. I am never getting into one of these flying hell suits ever again.”

“Aww, don't say that. You’ll hurt its feelings.”

"I don't care."

"Oh, yeah? Well, how are you gonna get home then?"

"After I get home," you clarified. "I am never getting into one of these things, ever again."

“Don’t lie. You like the suit. Now,” he said, gesturing his head to the side, “Go get your girl.”

“What? There’s no way I’m going anywhere near one of those things.”

Oh, she was still here, was she?

“Oh, c’mon Romanoff.” You smirked, taking flight, “Fly away with me.”

“Not a chance.”

You landed in front of the red-head, exiting the building. Startling her as you did.

"Agent Romanoff." You smirked, throwing your arms out by your sides. If she didn't know better, Natasha would have assumed you were Tony. "Your ride has arrived."

"Get away from me."

***

“So...” you started, looking towards the red-head standing beside you, looking out onto the ocean below you, “Wanna go out on a date?”

Natasha turned to face you properly, a small smile on her face, “I thought you’d never ask, Y/L/N.” Stepping closer, her hand on your bicep, she continued, “Tonight. We’ll watch a movie in my cabin.”

You smiled.

“Only a movie,” she clarified, “No funny business.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Romanoff.”