#if a bear and a shark had a fight who would win?

[tablevivant]

things i would tell my 15 yr old self if i could:

your not a jerk for having hobbies, you're just a jerk

you've got a zit on your face

wooooo i'm you from the fuuuuuture!!

one day this week will be the peak of your life, not saying which but that's the best it ever gets

you should really learn to burp on command. contrary to what you may believe now, it will come up frequently later on

call your mom. you live with her right now but call her like at work and stuff. really make a pest of yourself

most people die twice, you only get one you just keel over and die when people stop saying your name

pee off of more tall stuff

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Slender: If you’ve got any questions, feel free to ask.

Toby: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Slender: If you have any relevant questions, ask.

[incorrectkakagaiquotes]

Tsunade: That's the plan, any questions? Gai: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win? Tsunade: Okay, any relevant questions? Kakashi: *raises his hand* Tsunade: Yes, Kakashi, go ahead. Kakashi: Ok, so it would depend on the setting. In the sea, the bear would- Tsunade: Ok, meeting over.

[uncorrectintamed]

Lan Qiren: If you've got any questions, just ask.

Wei Wuxian: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Lan Qiren: If you've got any relevant questions, just ask.

[911-incorrect-quotes-dispatch]

Bobby: That's the plan, any questions?

Ravi: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Bobby: Okay, any relevant questions?

Buck: *raises his hand*

Bobby: Yes, Buck, go ahead.

Buck: Ok, so it would depend on the setting. In the sea, the bear would-

Bobby: Ok, meeting over.

[angstywaifu]

Xaden: If you’ve got any questions, feel free to ask. Ridoc: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win? Xaden: If you have any relevant questions, ask.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

KARKAT: IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS, ASK ME.

GAMZEE: iF a BeAr AnD a ShArK hAd A fIgHt WhO wOuLd WiN?

KARKAT: ... IF ANYONE HAS ANY *RELEVANT* QUESTIONS, ASK ME.

[incorrect-star-allies]

*after discussing a plan*

Zan Partizanne: If you’ve got any questions, just ask.

Flamberge: *raises hand* If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Zan Partizanne:

Zan Partizanne: If you’ve got any relevant questions, just ask.

[silvertrashpanda]

Momoko: If anyone has any questions, ask me.

Mitsuru: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Momoko: ...If anyone has any RELEVANT questions, ask me.

[cyber-streak-2]

Bumblebee: If you have any questions, just ask.

Thrash: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Bumblebee: If you have any relevant questions, just ask.

[sol-consort]

(Blows a little kissey at the anon who talked about pervy alien roommates, thank you for giving me this itch again 💋)

Krogan roommate who treats you like glass to begin with. He's heard enough about how fragile and weak humans are, with their oh-so-sensitive nerve endings and small squishy bodies, he doesn't want you to think he's a brute if you're gonna be sharing a flat together.

But oh, he wasn't expecting this now, was he? One day he comes into the kitchen to find you on your tip-toes trying to reach something in the cupboard and you make a tiny bounce, he's not even entirely sure your toes left the ground but he wasn't really paying attention to thar when your whole body rolls with the motion and for a brief moment, the Krogan wonders if your body would do that when he's drilling into you from behind. He shakes his head, almost confused by where his thoughts had taken him in that moment, but they just will. Not. Leave.

It doesn't help that humans are physically affectionate and scrappy, you're always either leaning your head on his shoulder (or as close as you can get) so he can see the way your plush soft skin sinks around his hard plating, or the times you try and instigate a play fight with him. Always over something silly like a remote or who gets to pick takeout but even when he's actively trying to lose to you, to not hurt you, he always ends up wrapping you into a fullnelson or pinning you to the ground, keeping you in that position a little longer than is nessicary or appropriate, but even when you struggle and try to break out of his hold, you must like it to some degree, since you always come back for more, right? Mmif you're not careful he's gonna let his hands roam even more along your body next fight, you know that right?

Heaven help you when he ends up going into rut/heat.

The smile I had while reading this was that of a fool in love

We all desperately need a krogan roommate who's tying to be on his best behavior for us all the time out of insecurity we might view him as a "brute" as if krogan culture doesn't overlap a lot with humanity's.

How he heard so much about humans and their plump soft exteriors, he knew about the lack of shells, he just...expected their skin to be rough, sturdy or at least elastic to compensate for the lack of a proper protection.

But no, oh no. Humans are completely bare. Even a newborn infant krogan has thicker skin, hell, even the eggshell of a krogan egg is rougher than the human skin.

Nothing could've prepared him for the silky smooth it felt, how the plush fat would pudge and sink around his fingers whenever he'd press into it.

Your pliable body would sink around whatever surface it presses into, the subtle jiggle to your thighs as you walked.

Yet you acted so fearlessly as if you weren't a akin to a walking soft mound of flesh, a cuddly plushie playful attempting to wrestle with him on the couch over the last bag of chips as if he couldn't hold you down with his pinky alone.

No matter how careful he was, supressing his strength and purposely giving you the winning lead, you'd always end up with a bruise or two from pressing against the blunt spike on his shell, or a moving a limb too quickly and slamming against its the stone hard surface.

How are humans alive? He has watched videos about the animals on your planet. How did your squishy species survive the bears, sharks, gorillas, and lions. He knew the turians were idiots but he didn't think they'd be stupid enough to actually let your species make more than half of C-sec.

You're not as wise and stern as the women of his species, neither are you as dim and aggressive as the male krogans. No... regardless of gender, he found out that all humans are a weird mix of both

There is cleverness in you, but it's mitigated by an equal amount of carelessness. You're adventurous and curious but also cuddly and lazy. You have no qualms showing weakness, leaning against him so casually—he can't remember the last time he was hugged before you came into his life, and now he cannot get enough of you body sprawled over his lap.

Whatever the hell natural evolution is, he is immensely thankful to it, for the stars to align and make the humans as plump as they are bouncy. The way a simple jump enough to get all parts of your body moving in a roll, the way a ripple moves through your thighs and stomach when he pins you down on the couch.

The way he'd fist his cock at night while watching a video of a human riding an impossibly girthy dildo, it's almost the size of their forearm and yet their greedy hole takes it in so seamlessly.

Fuck, it's almost the size of his cock.

Imagining it's you bouncing on his lap instead, not allowing him to help move you up and down, instead stubbornly insisting to fuck yourself on his cock.

ripples going through your entire body as you bounce up and down, chest pressing against his face, almost touching the rough exterior of his shell. How his entire mouth is as wide as your torso, how his gaint tongue can swipe against both your nipples at once.

His cock squeezing tightly in your hot insides—he tightens his fist around it as—borderline painfully so, how he can trace it's outline slightly poking out from inside your stomach.

He's so close, he wants nothing more than to fill you with his cum. Resisting the urge to grab you by the waist and fuck into you like a flashlight, he needs to be gentle, you're beginning him to breed you, he needs to go slowly, you're climaxing around his cock, he needs to move with care, you're milking him for all he's worth begging for his cum, he needs to be–

A deep sound loudly leaves the back of his throat, akin to an animalistic growl as he empties himself into his hand. Stripes of white covering the sheets, pooling in the middle of the bed from the sheer quantity of it.

He takes a deep breath.

You might just trigger his rut early without realising it.

[lesbian-deadpool]

Fury: If you have any questions, now is the time to ask.

Peter: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Fury: ... if you have any relevant questions, please ask.

[whatsortofschoolisthis]

First year Harry Potter: Mr. Sean, what is your favorite food?

Seventh year Sean, deadpan: Children.

Penny: Sean Ames, stop saying that to the first years!

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Bill: If anyone has any questions, ask me.

Barnaby: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Bill: ... If anyone has any RELEVANT questions, ask me.

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Bryn: [casually taking four stairs at a time]

Merula, falling behind: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fu-

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Ben: *puts a cup down over a spider*

Tulip: *appears; smiles; puts 2 more cups down beside Ben’s*

Ben: Come on, Tulip, please no, don’t… DON’T—

Tulip: *starts shuffling the cups*

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R: we have your Brother.

Hecate: Which one?

R: What?

Hecate: Which brother?

R: Redheaded, won’t shut up...strange obsession with the effects of long term Transfiguration...

Hecate: Oh that's Sean! Yeah you don't have him, he has you.

Kit, cheerfully: Good luck!

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Professor Dumbledore: I hope you three have a good explanation for this

Jae: We have four actually-

Fred and George: Pick your favorite!

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Charlie: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat! 

Tonks: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Fred and George, go find out if that thing can catch fire! 

Charlie: You're a bad influence. 

Tonks: And you don't know your sayings.

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Angelica: Word of advice, new kid, watch out for Felix.

Kit: *nervous* Why? Is he... unfriendly or something?

Angelica: No - well, sort of, actually - but that's not what I mean. I mean actually watch out for him. He's constantly falling asleep on the floor

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Ben: Hecate, I’m afraid.

Hecate: Just stay close to Ismelda

Ben: That's why I’m afraid.

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Badeea: Wow, it's really quiet today.

Talbott: Agreed... It's quite nice actually.

Badeea:

Talbott:

Badeea: We should check on Tulip.

Talbott: Urgently.

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Bill: Seriously, Sean, how many people would you have killed if I’d asked you to?

Sean: That’s not important

Bill: I DISAGREE.

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Penny: I think Victor is in trouble. 

Chiara: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest. 

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Tonks: Sorry Jae. I panicked.

Jae: So you pushed me out the window?!

Tonks: it seemed like the fastest way out!

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Sean onstage with the Weird Sisters: This next song goes out to the girl on the broom who keeps yelling. It’s called, ‘We Hate You Please Die.’”

Merula: Great! A song for me!

[chaithetics]

What do you think would happen with the family/Stewy and Porce with the proxy fight?

Hello lovely Nonnie! What a great and big question! Bare with me for this ramble!

Future Porce and the Shark spoilers below!

It'll be a mess. An absolute mess. More of a mess than the usual Roy mess.

Things will start to become tense with Stewy abstaining from the board vote in S1. I could see Kendall lashing out at Porce about it (did I already start writing that a few weeks ago? Yes. Yes I did. So 👀). But Stewy's made it clear, he's behind whoever wins and I think he had intended to vote for Kendall until he saw the state of that board room and that it was a definite losing battle. He's clever, he played it perfectly in the situation and wasn't going to sacrifice himself for that. He would've been immediately upfront about what happened with Porce. Would she be happy? No, she would've been worried about Kendall as both Stewy and Roman betrayed him but she would've understood it.

Post that- is when angst is intoduced into Porce and the Shark! How are we feeling about that? I feel a bit torn, as some of you know I really struggle with angst and will avoid it at all costs. But I think this is an interesting part of the story and I think to explore this, angst is inevitable. Is this maybe spoilery, I guess so heads up for that!

With the bear hug at the end of S1. The angst will start to kick in. I don't think/plan to write that Stewy or Kendall would tell her about the bear hug. I know, I know! Stewy and Porce are communication champs. He wouldn't tell her not because he doesn't trust her, he does. But because he knows that with Kendall it'll create a Roy civil war which will hurt her and he wants to spare her of knowing for as long as he can and then he'll handle the aftermath of his and Kendall's actions. She'd find out at the wedding like everyone else does, she'd feel absolutely guilty and Shiv would hold it against her and make her feel so bad about it all. She'd try to talk Stewy out of it a bunch at the start and it'll be a kind of tragic "How do I fix this?" "Don't do it." "I have to." "I know." There'd be some trust issues and Porce would really struggle with the smear campaigns of her husband vs her siblings and father.

I also believe that Logan thinks he could plant the idea into Porce's head and talk her into divorcing Stewy and having full custody of Jonathan and Tillie. She'd be horrified and he'd really try to push it but she wouldn't budge on that. I'm tempted to write that up now that I've thought about it as well!

With the family in S2 of The "timeline" Porce would be more ostracised from the family. The only person who would keep genuine contact with her would be Connor. Kendall's in too much turmoil to think of her, Shiv would only contact her when she wants something or is trying to pull a game. I could see Logan asking Shiv to have some "girl talk" with Porce in an attempt to get ammo against Stewy/convince Porce to leave him and I think Porce would at first be touched at her sister reaching out. Giving Shiv the benefit of the doubt that it's something genuine and like sisterhood but being very upset to click what's going on. Roman also wouldn't contact Porce other than a few secret texts, he'd be cold but I think he'd be more conflicted than the others. We see that despite him being extremely cruel at times he does struggle a lot more with cutting out family members compared to the others as seen with Logan and Kendall. That could totally be argued with the power dynamic though but I also think it's partially that middle child, always being in the middle wanting everyone to get along and I think he finds Porce's existence comforting.

I think by the third season she's not so iced out but it's still a bit tense and then fourth season it's kind of better. Porce is definitely more sympathetic towards her siblings than her father and at that point it's not a plot point.

I think as a couple it'll impact their relationship, it'll raise some understandable distrust and hurt. Stewy will feel guilty and Porce won't like the dynamic of him feeling like he needs to make things up to her etc. It'll also force her to find her voice a bit and to kind of grow up in that way. It'll be rough, there will be angst, some interesting conversations but I want to say and promise that while it will be tense at times Stewy and Porce will be okay!!! I promise you they're more than okay!

I'd be interested to read your thoughts on this Nonnie and anyone else who wants to share theirs as well! Thank you so much for sending it in, I appreciate you doing so and taking the time to read my pieces. Have a great night 💗

[bobbieisthebest]

Joel, holding a baseball bat: There’s no need to be afraid of me. I don’t bite.

Mort, standing a safe distance away: Yeah, but do you wack?

Joel:

Joel: I don’t bite.

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Charles: I don’t know about this, Jake.

Jake: The last time you said that Hoffer you ended up loving it.

Charles: The last time I said that you were holding a bag of durian flavored chips; now you’re holding a roman candle. They are two very different things.

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Nate: You remind me of a Russian doll.

Alicia: Aw, thank yo—

Nate: Full of yourself.

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Kato: If anyone has any questions, ask me.

Bobbie: If a bear and a shark had a fight, who would win?

Kato: ... If anyone has any RELEVANT questions, ask me.

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Wendy (a warlock): Do we not have a plan?

Sam, playing barbarian: Who needs a plan? I’ve got an axe.

Sam: *starts running ahead*

Kato, the very tired DM: An axe is not a plan!!!

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Flick: One time Jake and Juniper were having a heated argument in the car and Juniper took Jake's Queen tape out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and Jake looked her dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same tape and put it back in the player.

Buddy:...And Jake’s still alive?

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Dad: Tell your mother everything is fine.

Joel: Hey, Mom! We haven't eaten for days, your plants are dead, and I'm dropping out of school. Love ya, bye!

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Kato: What? Didn't I specifically tell you not to do specifically, exactly just that?

Alex: Actually, specifically, you said not to *humiliate* you by doing that. So, we won't!

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Richard: 99% of the time, whenever random violent crap happens, it seems you're somehow involved!

Joel: Can't you have a little faith in that last 1%?

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Buddy: *screams*

Joel: *screams louder to establish dominance*

Flick, concerned: Um, shouldn’t we do something?

Patty: No, I want to see who wins this time.

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Jake: Fun fact of the day: pen ink tastes like almonds..... don't try to suck the ink out of your pens kids it's disgusting and makes your mouth feel funny.

Patty: Why would you even do that?

Jake *shrugs*: I was bored.

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Bobbie at Alicia’s house: I love jacuzzis!

Bobbie: Sometimes I pretend that I'm getting captured by witches and they're using me to make soup!

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Juniper: I know this is going to sound sarcastic, but this is a great plan and I’m really impressed with you guys.

Buddy:

Nate:

Sam: Don’t listen to her, this is a great plan.

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Wendy: Kato, are you sure you don't wanna use my graduation speech? It goes like this: Later, losers.

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Alicia: Due to enormous personal flaws I refuse to work on, I will be arriving extremely late with an iced coffee. Please respect that.

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Juniper: I am so hungover. I have never been this hungover. Are we dead?

Alex: I feel great, I ran 5k this morning.

Flick: Really?

Alex: No I threw up in the shower.

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Joel: My life is a cautionary tale, but like a cool, flashy one that instead of inspiring people to do better it inspires them to be more chaotic

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Juniper: can we go to a haunted house?

Mom: what’s wrong with the one we live in?

Joel: wh- wait what?!

Mom: goodnight Children.

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Humphrey: Mr. Jake, what’s your favorite food?

Jake, deadpan: Children.

Flick: JACOB!

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Nate: Are you crazy?

Joel: Legally no, there's not a word for my condition.

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Charles: [casually taking four stairs at a time]

Wendy, falling behind: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fu-

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Kato: Dear people who won’t stop asking- Yes, I am actually feeling fine, and yes, I really have been getting a decent amount of sleep at night!

Kato *bites into an onion*

Kato: Hey, this apple tastes like shi-

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Richard: *puts a cup down over a spider*

Joel: *appears; smiles; puts 2 more cups down beside Jay’s*

Richard: Come on, Joel, please no, don’t… DON’T—

Joel: *starts shuffling the cups*

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Jake: Hoffer, in your professional opinion, how would I die?

Charles: Murder. Gangland style execution. We never find your head.

Nate: That’s a shame.

Patty: *slightly raises finger in question*

Charles: You slip in a tub.

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Buddy about Jake: I'd follow him to hell and back, but I wish he'd stop going there.

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Bobbie: I love to dismiss my horrible decisions by saying "yeah that was a weird time in my life" as if the rest of my existence hasn't been absolute clown shoes.

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Alicia: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

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Juniper: When I was small-

Kato: *chuckles* Was?

[thorn-princess]

*at a troupe meeting*

banri: does anyone have any questions?

taichi: if a bear and a shark had a fight who would win?

banri:

banri: does anyone have any relevant questions?