#if they kept that bit and had the two separate characters without changing and other focus elements it's the same story

[kahluah]

Bro, the original storyboard are still up. Chelsea being Nerissa was a last minute change , which is why the twist doesn't make much sense. If you watch directors interviews you'll find that they intended Chelsea to be a Regina George mean-girl. Also they describe the twist as fun lmao.

Look, I understand there are storyboards. I also understand that stories can change while they are in production. I'm not doubting the storyboards exist and that an initial draft of the movie at some point had them as two characters.

There are interviews where they discuss how the story was still open for input, so, you know, suggestions, changes, alterations, all that good work currently in production stuff, when the studio opened back up with the hybrid set up about half way through the development. Just because some of the storyboards in the beginning had something does not mean it will always be there in the final product. Things change. "You'll find they intended Chelsea to be a Regina George mean-girl" fine, but it obviously didn't stay that way. And, as I've said before, there is enough information in the movie for the reveal to be guessable. I'll say once again, I figured it out when "plan get the Trident" was suggested by Chelsea. I'm sorry if you feel it makes no sense, but like I've talked to multiple people that were able to predict the twist so idk what to tell you there.

But, I am also just dubious of how you guys keep pushing this whole "last minute" change thing. In the storyboards I saw, even as separate people, Chelsea is still evil and turning into a giant fucking mermaid to enact revenge. Other than the name of the character, and a portion of her motivation being that she was avenging her mom (with the whole other bit still being the whole "becoming ruler of the ocean and taking over everything" thing), the overall reason for the end fight is the same. Chelsea would have still been manipulating Ruby for that goal of getting the Trident, killing the krakens, and becoming Queen herself. The only thing that would really truly change with these storyboards is her age, so to me it sounds like this "it's a last minute storyboard change that makes no sense!" is some form of excuse/denial so that people feel alright to ship them again and write good end fix it fics.

Also to be a bit more snarky here...

If you watch the directors interviews, you'll find that they say that Ruby is a character "stuck between really strong women; amazingly strong women... and a lot of people have a lot of ideas about how she should be living her life, and this journey she goes on is figuring out how she wants to... because her heart's in the right place in every frame of the film; she has no ulterior motive, and she's so empathetic to her friends and everyone around her. I think that was really the sweet spot that we, working with the animators and with Lana - You know we love that you're doing that because that was really the goal in an idea about this coming of age story." Gee that kind of sounds like what I've been saying this movie is about; her relationship with these women. Multiple other interviews also put emphasis on the relationship between Ruby and her mom, Her mom and Grand Mama, Ruby and Grand Mama, Ruby and Chelsea. You know, the people I've mentioned in my other posts. It's clear that by the time production was wrapping up that this was the direction and intention of the movie.

To be fair I've also seen where they describe Chelsea as a Regina George type mean girl, and it really fits the high schooler vibe she has going on, but it's clear that not all of that stayed through till the end of production.

I can also imagine a version or original idea for this movie being one where the kraken family and the mermaid family were supposed to be foils of each other, but to be fully fleshed out we would have needed more world building and the plot would have had more focus on the war itself since that would have been the ideal point to sure how these two families diverged from each other. They would both have the starting point of the end of the war, and a broken relationship between mother and daughter (one because the mother was killed and the other because Agatha left). But from the multiple interviews I've seen where they wanted the focus of the movie to be on Ruby herself and how she interacts with the other women in her life during this coming of age story, that plot wouldn't do it justice. There is too much background information that you would have to supply to showcase both sides of the story and Ruby's personal journey would suffer for it.

When talking about production of the film, multiple interviews also talk about how they developed the feel for land/the town vs under the water, the humans vs the sea creature, and some of the actual character design elements like Nerissa's water hair. I haven't seen one where they talk about the lore of the war and how they fleshed out how the under the sea politics work and how those were a super important part of developing the story and production direction of the movie... At this point who knows how much of that they had ideas for, we would have to wait for more storyboards or an art book, but my point is that it isn't what they wanted the focus of the end product to be about.

Those storyboards were ultimately changed and by combining Chelsea with Nerissa and having her be an adult, it tightened up the core of the movie being Ruby and her relationships with women in her life (since one was no longer a peer). The story of Ruby growing into her own was able to have the sole spotlight rather than having to split it between two different family stories.

A lot of people who work on and promote things in interviews will describe it as fun. It is a very easy way to get across "I enjoy and approve of this thing we did". What do you want them to do? Break the flow of the interview and take up all the remaining time by explaining in exacting detail when and why the change happened during the development, and their exact thought process in doing it, and who exactly suggested it, and who supported it, and how much of the story that they had at that point in time of production was changed by it? Like I'll admit I'm curious to when it changed, but when I'm watching a 10-20 minute interview on YouTube I would rather they cover more than just one little thing.

[screaminglygay]

KINKTOBER day 2

pairing: stalker!amber x fem!reader

summary: you have only one friend, chad, but maybe you have another one, that you don’t even know about.

warnings: dark!amber, light choking, dark themes, swearing, dirty talk, use of a puppy nickname like twice, smut!!!, possibly bad grammar, if anything else, let me know!

word count: 5.3k

an: second day, yay! this one was bit harder to write, so I hope you like it! You know the drill, if there is any typo here, let me know and I’ll fix it!

an2: thank you for all the support! It means a lot!:)

(italics = your thoughts)

ALL CHARACTERS ARE 18+!

!MDNI!

Enjoy this spooky time and be safe!

Buzz buzz.

Your phone buzzed again, you picked it up and notice that it´s your friend, Chad. You and him had few classes together and basically get along just because he was annoying you for such a long time, that you basically couldnt resist any longer. He was the charmer, extroverted football player who act like a big puppy of bernard. And you were the quiet, reserved type of a girl, who needed to charge before any social event.

Chadinator

7:11AM

Imma pick you up in 10!

You always chuckled at his nickname, since he came up with it himself. Chad was so proud of that, that it´s basically the law to leave it like that and don´t change it. I mean how could you, he would whine and maybe even shed a tear if you changed it to something so simple as his name.

It´s was pretty common for you two to walk to school together this early. Chad either had his practise or some football meeting and you liked to go to the library before the first period. Today wasn´t exepction, so after you quickly just brushed your teeth and took your bag, that you suprisingly prepared the night before, you were already waiting for him in front of your dorm. Both of you preffered to walk to school, especially when it was such a pretty weather as it´s today.

"Boo!" Chad jumps from one of the trees that were dacorating the street.

"Asshole!" You yell as your heath skipped a beat. Slapping his arm was truly an instinkt by now, being with Chad was the same as having an older brother. Flinching everytime he came close.

Chad laughs, he look refreshed even at this time. "Works every time! You gotta keep sharp, (Y/N)! You never know where the danger will came from." Chad started to pucnh the air. "Left hook, right hook and pow pow pow! And he´s down!" Chad stated as you two began to walk.

"Who´s he?" You asked looking at Chad.

"I don´t know, (Y/N). That´s for you to decide." he just shrugs and kept walking.

As soon as you came to school, you´ve said your goodbyes and both of you went separate ways. Not like you didn´t talk in school, you did. But you prefered to be alone and enjoy your time in silence. Chad was the other way around, he had a friend group, that he always told you to join, because he would appraciate someone who would shut Mindy, his twin sister, up and since youre into movies too, you would do a great job at it, at least that´s what he always says. But you´re too shy to come over and say hi to people. It gives you instant flashback to the days in middle school where youre trauma was created. That moment you had to say your name and three funfacts about yourself.

Having Chad as the only person you talk to is quite great. No drama, at least not with you two. You often gossip about people in school, but in non judgmental way, of course. He was always kind and you two basically complete eachother. A lot of people might think Chad is just another jock who cant count to three, but it’s the other way around, actaully. Without Chad you would most definetly fail math or chem. You hate these subjects will all of your hearth.

Speaking of math, you were just on your way to the library to borrow another book with mathematical quadrations. So you won´t fail your math exam next week, you wanted to do this on your own, at least try it and then the night before call Chad with panic in your voice that he needs to tutor you asap, or the world will end. As this was normal scenario before every math exam. As always, you put your headphones in and played your "study session" playlist, with soft instrumental music. You turned a corner and as you were in your head you bumped into someone, their books fell down. And you immidielty pull your headphones off, as you took them off you heard a little "shit".

You look up and notice its Amber Freeman. A girl you know from Chad´s storytimes. You quickly look her up and down, which she in fact did notice, but you didnt realized that. She was portrayed by Chad stories as someone who dont give a flying damn about anyone and anything. Her outfit was pretty suiting on her. Black on black, with some cute silver nacklace.

"Oh shoot! Sorry! I didnt notice yo.! Let me just..." you crouched down and picked up all her fallen books. She probably just visited the library herself. You notice one of the books were a mathematical quadrations. You chuckled in your mind, being little happy that you´re not the only person who was having problems with that.

"No worries." Amber smiles.

You made eye contact with her again, she doesn´t seem that unfriendly as Chad said, she look actually pretty welcoming.

"Here." You smiled at her as you give her the books.

"Thank you..." She prolong the word as a gesture of not knowing your name.

"(Y/N)!" You state awkwardly as you though she know your name from Chad stories as well. Maybe you were just wrong.

"(Y/N)? Huh, are you new?" Her question throw you off guard, completly.

"N-no, uh Im actually Chad´s friend." Trying to explain who you are was even more humaliating to you.

"Oh really? My bad. Well pleasure to meet you, I guess I see you later." She winks at you and with her many books, she left.

You stand there for a couple of second, not knowing what just happened.

Did she just wink at me? Did Chad never mention me before? Should i socialize more if people think im new? Math exam!

After you enter the library, you were trying to find another edition of the math book and of course you can´t find it. So you asked the book lady and she said that the last edition was just borrowed by one of the students today.

Amber.

You can´t go bother Chad again, not when he has practise, so either you´re gonna fail, or you´re just try to socialize. It would be easier to move to Mexico, change your name and just dissapear from the world. You sigh, looking at your phone, you still have some minutes till the first period. So your next task is to find Amber Freeman.

After walking for another ten minutes, you decided to go to second floor. You walk there and thanks to your luck, Amber is there, putting her stuff into her locker. You start to walk little faster and you awkwardly stand next to her. The dark haired girl closed the locker and look at you.

"Well I guess that later is sooner then I expect it." She chuckled.

"Yeah, I need that." Poiting to the book she was currently holding in her hand wasn’t actually the maturest idea. "I mean..." You clearn your throat. "Im really shitty at math and this is the only way i can have at least D."

"Why don´t you ask Chad?" Amber tilts her hand, looking at your face.

"Um he has a football." You shrug. "I don´t-" Before you can finish your sentence, Amber speaks up.

"Wanna bother him." She rolls her eyes. Now you were starting to understand what Chad was saying about Amber. "I bet you’re one of those little cute shy girls, huh?" Amber smirks.

"I... just think I can do this on my own." You say, but it sounded more like a question.

"Can you?" Her brown eyes are watching every single one of your facial expression.

"I don´t-"As you want to answer she cuts you off again.

"I´ll tutor you, tomorrow after school?" Amber doesn´t care she started talking over you again, she doesnt look so welcoming at all anymore. More like this whole converstaion is beyond her and she has to deal with the most annying thing.

"I- uh.. yeah! Sure. Thank you." You nod, being shocked at how fast her behaviour changed.

"Good. Anything else you want?" Amber looks away, now not even looking at you. You feel more and more humiliated around her.

"N-no, no." You shake your head and with that you just leave to your first period.

After you left, Amber smiled to herself. After long nights of thinking about the best plan ever, she´s finally doing it and everything works just how she wanted too. With just the right push you gonna fall in love with her, just how she wants you to. How you want to, but you don´t know it yet.

Of course Amber knew who you were, of course Amber knew that every morning you go to the library before your first class. And of course she knew how much you suck at math. She knows way more than just this, even way more than a normal person should know. But who said she was a normal person?

She had you as her little project over the summer, when you and Chad became close friends. Analyzing your posts on social media, zooming in to see every detail, saving every photo or video of yours, just in case your little overthinking head will decide to delete it someday. Which happened a lot, but she was always a little faster than you. Amber was the first person who liked your photo, viewed your story, see what youve been up to. She gave you subtle signs that you two are meant to be. Of course she had to make sure, not to be so obvious - so she made a couple of fake accounts, for her to actaully work on her little project better. For exaplme account "mathe_F" was made when Chad said you had first problems with math and that he can´t hang out with the group, because he has to tutor you. "emily_didi" was made right after you shared on your story that you´ve just finished a show called "Dickinson" and all of the other account were in the same vibe. Meaningful subtle messages for you and only you.

After a few classes that were nothing else but boring you were at your locker, when one of the professors addresed you. She asked you if you could give this to Amber Freeman since she saw you guys talking, it was just some small books that she was interested in. She handed you two small books and walked away.

"This is just perfect..." You mumbled to yourself as you had mixed feelings about that mysterious girl. You weren´t sure if she was nice or if she was mean. You want to figure it out, but definetly not today, since you´ve been up her ass twice today. Twice.

But it would be better to already have it done, so you walk up to the second floor and hope that Amber will be at her locker again, but she´s not. As you turn away ready to walk away and catch her later, you saw some long dark hair dissepearing into the womans batrhoom. So obviously you made your way there, you opened the door and wait for her next to the sinks.

After few minutes the door opened and you were right, it was Amber. She looked up and it was suprise even for her. She tilt her head and walk to the sinks on the right side. She made eye contact with you through the mirror and because you haven´t said a word, she just smiles

"Are you stalking me or just following me like a lost puppy?" She took few towels and wipe her hands. Then take a few steps closer, sudenly you feel how your back hit the cold wall. "I´ve asked you a question, didnt I?"

"I... I´m not stalking you, I just- Mrs. Darott asked me to bring you this. Your books from her class." You explain, but you were pretty nervous by her comment, that it sounded like a poor excuse you just made on the spot.

Amber smiles and nods, taking the books from your hands. "So if youre not a stalker, then that leads us to our second option and that´s a lost puppy. Cute." she steps closer again. "If i didn´t recognize these books I would truly think that you´ll find any excuse to be at least 2 minutes with me."

You don´t know what to say to that, you simple just stare, completly like a confused puppy. She steps closer, now fully blocking a way out, literally by her body. She press agaisnt you and who would have thought she would be that strong. Her hands are next to your head, her eyes never left yours. You can feel her breathing on you, you can feel her levander parfume, it is like youre intoxicated by her.

"You wanna go?" Amber barerly whisper to you. The truth to be told, you don´t want to go, you just want to stay, because... you don´t even know why, but you want to stay with her. But because you don´t want to look desparate you nod your head.

"Then beg." And there she is again. The harsh Amber you don´t like that much, but your body does.

"W- what?" Confussion is heard from your voice, it can be also read from your face.

"You heard me, if you want to go, you can just beg. It´s not that hard, (Y/N)." Her lips are so close to your ear, meaning her whisper are running right down your body.

You mumble something, that you don´t even understand.

"Speak up, (Y/N). I can´t hear you." she said in mocking way.

"Please, may I go?" Your eyes avoid hers, looking everywhere else than her is the smartest way to survive, whatever this is. But she has something else in her mind. Her left hand comes closer to your face and her fingers softly touch your chin. The sudden feeling on your face is making you look at her. Once again her plan working exactly how she planned. Your gaze met and you can see on her face that she is not happy at how badly you just beg. So intiitively you correct yourself.

"Please Amber, I came her to give you the books. May i go know? Please." Her looks is not satisfied. "Pretty please?" You add with the most puppy dog look, that just breaks even someone as Amber Freeman herself.

She pull away and for some confusing reason, you already miss her being so close to you.

How the hell does she do that?

"Yes, you may." She smiles and like nothing happen she fully pull away.

"T-thanks" Stuttering words were left out of your mouth as you left the restrooms.

The whole day was this feeling in your stomach every single time you thought about Amber. You try to shake it off, you don´t know what happened in the restrooms, you didn´t know if it was a good or bad feeling. Youre first thought was to tell Chad, so he can help you understand this, but it was Amber. His friend. You were alone to figure it out, like you were with the math test.

Who even is Amber Freeman?

On your way from school you took the bus, Chad had his after school practice and you didn´t feel like walking anymore. And you were also pretty interest in finding out who Amber truly is. You looked at her instagram and the number of followers she had shocked you.

Is she that popular?

You scrolled down her feed and you´ve seen some pretty selfies. Some group photos, some nice instastrories about travelling. Oh and some pretty good music and books taste, almost the same as yours. What a coincidence, right?

As you scrolled lower her account, you noticed that she used to be a horse lover. A lots of pictures when she was like 10 on a horse. Looks like she didn´t care if anyone sees this, what a confident and non insecrue person. She owns every signle photo. As you scrolled down you missclicked and you like one of her old photos on a horse, by accident.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no! Fuck!

You unlike it in a second, but youre not entirely sure if it´s in time.

Fuck! She will think im really a stalker now! Fuck me!

You yell in your head as you panic on the bus. It was few stops till your dorm and you didn´t care at all if Chad has a practice or not. This is an emergency!

You

4:19PM

CHAD!

CHADDDD!

SOS!

911!

Chadilator

4:22PM

Are you okay?

What´s wrong?

(Y/N)???

You

4:22PM

IF YOU LIKE SOMEONES OLD PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM AND UNLIKE IT WILL THEY SEE IT OR NOT??

Chadilator

4:23PM

OMG WHO DID YOU LIKE PHOTO OF?!?!?!?!?!

You

4:23PM

ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Chadilator

4:23PM

PROBABBLY THEY´LL SEE IT

WHO IS IT?

You

4:24PM

NO ONE IMPORTANT THATS WHY IM FREAKING OUT.

And that was a lie. Probably the first lie that you told Chad. After few texts with Chad, he went back to doing whatever football guys do, but he promised he will bombard you with quiestions later. Great.

Amber was just going from school as a notification pooped up, (y/n/n)_ liked your photo.

She doesnt recall posting something very recently, she opens the app and chuckle as she realized what just happened. You had to dive deep, really deep. Amber smiled to herself knowing her plan is working even better, than she imagined.

...

You wake up with a jolt, your heart pounding in your chest. The sunlight break a way through your curtains, casting a warm glow on your room, but it offers no peace to your restless mind. Last night, sleep avoided you due to a dark haired girl.

The anxiety builds up within you as you remember the countless equations and formulas you struggled with. Your tutor, Amber, is a person you can´t really imagine tutor someone and don´t yell at them. But at the same time, she can be nice, sometimes. But will she be nice when you liked her old picture?

Maybe she didn´t see it. But what if she did?

As you groggily roll out of bed, your stomach is buzzing with nerves. You wonder if she´ll notice your sleep-deprived eyes, your shaky hands, your breathing. With each step towards the kitchen, you try to shake off the uneasy feeling. Maybe today will be different. Maybe you'll have a normal study session and it will be like nothing ever happened. You force yourself to eat a small breakfast, though the knot in your stomach makes it difficult to swallow.

The clock ticks relentlessly, drawing closer to the time you have to get out of your dorm and to face Chad.

Oh my god, Chad.

You´re not ready for his teasing, at least not today.

As you leave, you take a deep breath, trying to quell the nervousness that courses through your veins.

Oh what am I thinking? Today will be hell, but it’s okay, one after school session with Amber can´t hurt me, right?

As you open the door Chad is already waiting there with big smirk on his face.

"Soooo?" He skips to you. "Spill the tea!" Chad giggled like a small boy.

"Spill the tea?" You tilt your head and look at him as you two began to walk to school.

"Mindy says it a lot" Chad answers as he shrugs. "But don´t change the subject, go on and talk, (Y/N)." You have to make something up, quickly.

Shit, shit, shit. It was your friend. And we had this situation in bathroom... what it even was? I don´t know, but it was something!

You thought to yourself as you internaly panic.

"(Y/N)?" Chad nudge your arm.

"It was uh... do you remember the story about the girl at a bar? Well..." You and Chad made eye contact and his mouth falls open.

"The one you made out with?" Chad asks.

You simly just nod. And that was a second lie in less than 24 hours you told your bestfriend.

"No way!" Chad laughs.

"Yes, way." You sigh.

All the way to school Chad had many teasing remarks at you and how funny this whole situation was.

Yes, Chad. It´s absolutely hilarious.

...

You rush through the crowded hallways, your books in hand. First, it's history lecture. Then, off to sociology and lastly for the day englist literature. As the clock ticks, you barely notice the passing of time.

Suddenly, all your lectures are done for today, which means your tutoring with Amber is here. Your stomach grumbles as the nerves are back kicking in. As you get out from school, you notice Chad, Amber and the rest of the group sitting near the parking lot. You walk up to them, looking only at Chad, not wanting to make eye contact with Amber, at all. Not now yet.

"There she is! The lucky girl!" Chad announces.

"Hm?" You tilt you head not knowing what he meant.

"I was just telling them how you liked the old picture..." He laughs.

"Oh..." This was the moment you shared a look with Amber, she was already looking at you, but you didn´t see any hint of her knowing anything else, besides what Chad just said.

Maybe she really didnt saw it.

"Don´t worry, (Y/N). It happenes to the best of us." Mindy smiles.

"Yeah, (Y/N). She probably didn´t even see the notification." This time it was Amber speaking. But there was this smile again. This cruel smile of hers, which she had in the bathroom as well.

Shit. She knows.

"R-right." You nod.

After a few minutes of just hanging up, all of you went to different ways. Mindy went back into her dorm to her girlfriend. Chad went to his football practice as always, Tara went with him as a "cheer up". So it was just you and Amber. And you already know that it´s gonna be a memorable tutoring.

"So... puppy, are you ready for tutoring?" Amber asks.

"Can you not call me like that, please?" You take your backpack as a sign of ready to leave.

"I thought you like it, guess I must heard something, if im already seeing things." She shrugs and smiles at you.

"I uh- about that-" You look at her.

"About what?" She takes her own purse and the both of you start to walk towards her dorm, you don´t question it, you just follow her. Like a lost puppy.

"About- you know..." You nod towards her phone.

"Oh! Give me your phone." Again, you don´t question her and just passing your phone to Amber sounds like a good idea. You look at her nervously and after a few second, she pass you the phone back. You look at it and notice that she added her number into your phone.

"I- didn´t... thanks." Smiling was the only good idea you had right now.

"So it´ll be less weird if you like my old photo again." Amber winks.

"Shit! I- sorry. It was on accident. I just- was-" You immidietly blush and stutter your words like a kid who just been caught.

"Don´t. It´s cute. And don´t worry, we´re cool." It was again, the nice Amber, the same one as the first time you met her. "We should study, for your own good, (Y/N)." You liked this Amber a lot.

...

You sit across from Amber in her cozy dorm room, textbooks and notebooks spread out before you. The math problems on the page are challenging, but Amber's suprising patient is really making you at least try. She's been an excellent tutor, who would have thought?

As you both work through the problems, Amber's focus is strictly on you. Her dedication to helping you succeed is evident in her every word and gesture. However, as time passes, you notice a shift in her demeanor. She starts to glance at her phone more frequently, checking messages and notifications, her attention gradually drifting away from the math problems on the table, from you.

You clear your throat, trying to refocus her attention on the task at hand, but Amber's responses become distracted. She apologizes, but you can still feel her attention away from you. It seems that, for now, the math problems will remain unsolved, overshadowed by her phone.

You try to make the conversation back to math, asking questions and showing her the problems you're struggling with, but her attention keeps slipping away. You find yourself making more of an effort to capture her interest, right now you´re trying anything, hoping that she'll put her phone down and pay attention to you, like she did at the beginning of the session.

"Just so you know, I didn´t like like the picture, it was on accident. Horse girls are... scary." You mumble, being annyoed as she doesn´t even look at you.

"What did you say?" She looks up from her phone.

"You heard me, Amber." You shrug.

"Oh so that´s how you gonna be now? I don´t pay attention so you gonna attack me for my posts?" Amber chuckles. "Aren´t you the one who is obssesed with Marvel ladies? Or should I say... fanfiction?"

How the hell does she know?

"I don´t know what you´re talking about." You sit up more straight as to help you come of as confident person. Which doesn´t help at all.

"Natasha Romanoff x reader, smut, bdsm-" Amber is cut off by your hand.

"Shut up." After a second you´ve just realized what did you do. "Sorry." You pull your hand away as your face is now red as a tomato.

"So I was right." Amber has this cheeky smile on her face. The one you´d like to kiss away from her face.

Kiss? Am I attracted to her? No, I´m not. Maybe. I mean she´s hot. God i like her. Maybe? Do I?

"No you´re not. I don´t like these stuff, who even is Natasha Romanoff?" You chuckle.

"God, you´re such a shitty liar. Besides you had an essay on the MCU like a few months ago plus I saw Wattpad AND Tumbrl on your phone." She nods towards your phone.

"So you knew who I was, when we met!" You basically yelled at her. "Who´s lying now, huh? Miss mysterious!" This time it was Amber who lost her words. "Hm? Cat got your tongue?" Your smirking made something in Amber switch.

"Fuck this-" Her hand grab your shirt and pulled you towards her, her lips crashing at yours. The kiss is electrifying, sending shivers down your spine. It's both sweet and intense, like a long-awaited release.

Amber's hand finds its way to the grab your neck, fingers harshly threading through your hair, while yours rest against her waist, pulling her impossibly closer. The world outside melts away, leaving just the two of you, lost in the heat of the moment. Math was long forgotten.

Emotions swirl within you - confusion, longing, and a spark of undeniable passion. It's a kiss that feels like both a beginning and an end, a moment of surrender to something you can't quite define but desperately want to explore. As you finally break apart, breathless and wide-eyed, knowing that this kiss has changed everything between you and Amber. At least for you, for her? Nothing have changed and everything is going by her plan, maybe it´s little fast forward, but how can she wait, where you’re basically on her bed.

Amber looks at you with a hint of exitment in her eyes and admits. "I've been wanting to do this for a long time, you know? I've imagined this scenario so many times."

You feel a mixture of surprise and curiosity as you respond. "Really? I had no idea."

A faint blush colors her cheeks as she continues, "You never do, pretty girl."

You don´t notice the nickname, but only the feeling that it make you feel as she said those words. So you quickly move close to her again, blushing like a crazy as you already miss her lips on yours.

What could these lips do? Oh my god-

"What?" Amber tilts her head, "If you want anything, ask for it. Didn´t they learn this in school?" There she is, the mocking Amber you thought you hate, but your body says otherwise. You have to clench your thigs, to get at least a little friction. Because Amber, she´s looking at you with her dark eyes and you´re are positive if she says few sententes it could make you come right at the spot.

"Nothing." You mumble as you look away.

"Oh, okay. Then I guess, we can go back to studying-" You cut Amber off, pretty harshly, that was suprising to both of you.

"No! I don´t want to study..." You´re still looking down, knowing if you look up, you´d met her gaze.

"No? So what do you want to do?" By her voice, you can tell she has the smirk on her face.

"You know..."

"I don´t, (Y/N)." She knows. "You mean you want to fuck?" She chuckles.

This made you look at her. "Amber!" And that was a mistake. "I- uh"

"Hm? Say it and I´ll give you what you want." Her hand is caressing your cheek, slowly going up and down.

"F-fuck." You mumble out.

"Whole sentence, pretty girl. Come on." Her hand slowly squeezes your neck, which makes it hard for you to think.

"I want to fuck." You say very quietly, but Amber let it be.

"You forgetting something." She whispers in your ear.

When did she get so close?

You clench your thighs together again, now one Amber´s hand slipping into your pants.

"I want to fuck, please." You clear your throat as you can feel her hand pushing your drenched panties to the side. "I want you to fuck me, please. Pretty please, Amber!" You buck your hips towards her. "Fuck, please- I need you."

"You need me?" She looks up at you.

You nod. "Yes! I do! So much- a lot. I need only you, please." Your words were so pathetic, but Amber is loving every one you let out.

"You do need me, only me. That´s right. I´m keeping you safe, sweetheart. I always had." She wispers in your ear as her finger is slowly playing with your sensitive clit.

You don´t pay attention to her words, at all. But her finger is doing the gods work. She´s speeding up, but it´s still not enough.

"M-more..." you whine. "Please, im begging you, Amber. I really need it." You quickly add.

"Do you think you deserve it?"

You stay quiet, only letting few whines out, you don´t really know how to asnwer to that.

"Of course you do, my precious girl. Aw, you want more fingers, two? Oh three? We want three fingers? Okay." Amber nods as she whisper in your ear, you don´t control your hips anymore, it´s just going by itself at this point.

As Amber insert three fingers into you, it´s so easy as your wetness is dripping by your thighs. It takes you less than two minutes and you´re feeling like coming.

"Amber!" Is the only thing you are capable of yelling.

"I know, I know, shhhh" she shushes you. "I got you, I do."

"Please, can I? I- please!" You close your eyes, hoping she would say yes.

"Look at those pretty manners, of course. Go ahead my pretty girl." She smirks knowing this is better than she ever imaginated. Way better.

As you ride your high Amber just hold you close. Not ever letting you go and making sure all the danger in the world is secured by her and only her. It was like this before and it will be like that forever.

Thank you for reading!!!!

[imawreck]

Consequences

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x Original Character

Summary: Bucky regains consciousness and has to deal with the aftermath of his choices.

Author’s Note: Sorry for the late chapter! Had to finish editing.

Warnings: self hatred, lots of angst, drama

Word Count: 5,236

Max-

Sam had taken a seat farthest away from Winter on the sofa, trying hard not to look intimidated by the soldier. I sighed, nodding to Tony before I made my way over and sat beside Winter to separate him from Sam.

Winter glared at the man over my head as I picked up the remote and flicked through the TV settings. Sam had this shit eating grin on his face, "So, Grumpy is even grumpier huh? That's really too bad. I was looking forward to making fun of him today."

Winter's metal arm whirred from its spot against the back of the couch just behind my head. He was tense beside me, but he had averted his attention to the screen display in front of us as the movie started up.

I sighed in frustration along with him, "Don't tease him, Sam. I might not stop him if he decides to try and strangle you."

My statement elicited a glare from Steve and a nervous chuckle from the man seated besides me. Winter's arm brushed against the back of my neck and I could feel the heat of his body rolling off of him from where I sat a foot away from him on the couch.

Sam gave a nervous chuckle, "Come on Snowflake, lighten up a bit." He shot me a wink which I rolled my eyes to in return.

Winter's arm whirred again, and subtle clicks echoed through the room as he shifted closer to me, reaching his arm around my back and slipping his cool fingers over my hip before he pulled me flush against his side. I widened my eyes in surprise as my gaze shot up to stare at his face. Winter wore a blank mask, but his eyes stormed with restrained anger. His arm was comfortably secured at my hip and I was practically folded into his side as far away from Sam as possible.

Winter's eyes pierced into Sam from where he sat, and Sam practically melted into the couch under the heat of his gaze. I flicked my eyes between the two before reaching for Winter's hand at my waist as subtly as I could, "Winter." His eyes dropped to mine and his lips pulled into a thin line. "It's okay, he's just playing around."

Winter's chest rose and he let out a huff of dismissal, turning his attention back to the movie playing. The sound was turned low, so we all went quiet to listen to it. None of us moved to reach for the remote. I could feel Steve's eyes on me as I shifted my hand back into my lap. Winter's fingers sent heat pulsing from where he touched, his warmth seeping into my bones where our bodies pressed against each other. He held me with a soft firmness, one I wasn't used to from Bucky or the Winter I knew in the past.

I've had a complicated relationship with Winter ever since I met him. Neither of us had ever confessed feelings or even spoke about them at all. It was something unsaid, something mutual that both of us simultaneously understood. He came to me when he felt like he was losing it, and I was there to put him back together. We had never been super into physical contact though, not until years into knowing each other. Even then, I was lucky to even be able to sit next to him without making him uncomfortable. Anything physical reminded him of the abuse Hydra would inflict on him. Which was why, now that he had pulled me against him like it was instinctual, I was reeling with the sudden change in him.

I could feel the heat crawling up my neck as my mind wandered, my thoughts racing with the possible reasons for his actions. It was almost unbearable when his thumb began to track slowly across the small of my back, back and forth in slow soothing motions. A shiver swept through me and I found myself relaxing into him despite the circumstances. Winter kept his eyes trained on the television as we all watched the scenes play out, but I had a feeling none of us were really paying attention.

After about an hour of sitting in silence, I spoke up. "I think you all have seen enough, there's obviously no danger here. I think it's time you give us some space so I can do my part."

Tony looked up from his spot he had taken on one of the side sofas and nodded, slipping his phone into his pocket as he stood. Steve stared me down as he rose from his spot too, his eyes narrowing between Winter and I as he made his way towards the elevator. Sam followed close behind them, shooting me a smile as a goodbye. Then it was just the two of us left. All alone.

I could feel Winter relax besides me as the stress of the room died with their absence. He still kept his gaze on the TV and his thumb continued to sooth my back. We both eased into the silence and watched as the movie continued to roll. The cowboys danced across the screen and shot their guns at cattle wranglers as they raced across a field. I felt Winter's shoulders rise and fall in a sigh besides me and I took a glance at him.

His eyes were already on me, bright and blue. I raised an eyebrow at him, "What?"

His brows pulled together a bit as he continued to look over me, "I remember things."

Now I was really intrigued, "What kind of things?"

"I remember this," His hand swept over mine, rough and calloused. His fingers laced with mine in a soft embrace. "Lots of lights, but I don't remember how we got there or why. I just remember feelings I don't... I can't describe it." Winter looked away for a moment in frustration, but quickly returned his attention to me, "Can you tell me what I can't remember?"

I nodded, startled by his sudden forwardness. "You and I... We went out to town together. We went to a carnival and played some games just to get away from everything. I don't know how much you will remember or understand. It's complicated." I was suddenly riddled with guilt. I couldn't tell him we went on a date, I wasn't sure how much would get back to Bucky when he woke up.

Winter nodded, seemingly a little more at ease but still confused, "I see." He glanced at the elevator behind us. "That man, the blonde one, he wanted to hurt you. Why?"

I took a breath, running my fingers through my hair before picking a piece and twirling it between my fingers at the base of my neck. "That's Steve, he's your best friend but you won't remember him I don't think. You two had a disagreement but you wouldn't tell me why, and Steve isn't a big fan of me. He thinks I'm bad for you."

Winter turned his body just enough for him to see my face a little better, "You aren't bad for me."

It was my turn to frown, staring into his stormy blue eyes. I knew he didn't remember a whole lot, he was more than likely making judgements on emotions and whatever scraps of memories he could collect. Still, I wanted to know why he sounded so confident when he said that. "How do you know?"

He stared at me for a moment longer, "I just feel it." His hand wrapped around mine gently and his warmth swept over me once more. He raised his hand and my own, planting it against his chest. Right over his pounding heart. "I know you aren't bad for me."

My face was alight with fire, and I couldn't help the smile that fought onto my face. I met his eyes, "Thank you, Winter."

He nodded, letting my hand go and turning back to the TV. I watched him out of the corner of my eye for a long while, waiting until his eyes drooped a little more and he fought to keep them open. It was late by now, but I couldn't gauge how late. I still sat right next to him, cocooned in his warmth and safety. I whispered just above the sound of the movie, "I'll take first watch tonight. You need to rest."

He shot me a look that told me he wanted to argue but thought better of it, nodding his head and shifting on the couch. He let his head drop against the back cushions and I frowned. "You'll hurt your neck if you sleep like that. Lay down, I'll move."

Winter didn't argue, shifting to lay down on the couch. His hair splayed out against the pillow as he looked up at me from where he lay. I felt the heat threaten to creep up my neck so I looked away, finding the rug quite interesting, "Get some rest Winter, I'll be right over here-"

Softer than anything, he whispered, "Stay with me.”

I stared at him with wide eyes, frozen in place by his statement. "Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable…"

"You won't." He shifted himself to the edge of the couch, motioning for me to take the inside. I did so hesitantly, glancing at him once I had gotten comfortable. Winter eased himself onto the couch besides me, our arms brushing before he laid with his back to me. "Thank you."

I wasn't sure what he was thanking me for but I nodded to myself, deciding to just go with it. "You're welcome. Get some sleep, I have your back."

His shoulders rose and fell evenly after that, clearly slipping easier into sleep than he used to. Today must have warn him out. I sure felt fatigued. I let my mind rewind the day and play it over in my head. The fight, Steve's words, what Bucky would have to deal with mentally after he came back.

A lick of anger writhed in my stomach.

He had Banner activate the Winter Soldier without telling me. Wasn't I supposed to help him? I felt lied to, and a little betrayed he didn't let me in on his plans. Whatever he wanted from the Soldier, I could help him with. I knew I could. So why didn't he come to me first? Why take such a risk? I shook my head, throwing the thoughts out. It wasn't worth losing sleep over just yet. I'd have words with him later.

Just then, Winter shifted next to me. His body twisted uncomfortably before he wound up facing me, his heavy arm tossed over me. I stiffened, staring at his face mere inches from my own. His scruff had grown out some, and his features seemed abnormally smooth. He was always so serious, I nearly forgot how tender he really was. I gently maneuvered myself onto my own side, facing him on the single pillow decorating the couch. His shoulders were much wider than my own and blocked nearly all of my vision. Brown hair splayed across the pillow and framing his face gently in a way that accented his sharp jaw and dark lashes. He was beautiful.

I brushed a strand of hair away from his nose and tucked it gently out of his face. He didn't stir, calm as could be. I breathed in his scent, shutting my eyes and easing into the feeling of relief he brought with him. Winter's arm tightened around me, slipping behind my back and tugging me closer until my forehead was flush to his chest. I stared at the shirt he wore, the same as this morning, and struggled to breathe. Winter had never been this physical and it startled me how easily it came to him and myself to return it so quickly. This had to have something to do with Bucky knowing about me, maybe there was a connection stronger than we thought between his conscious and his subconscious mind.

I decided that I wouldn't move, he looked too peaceful to disturb. I forced myself to breathe, to relax against him. It wasn't as hard as it should have been and I took note not to let this go to my head. I shut my eyes once more, and let myself drift off to sleep caged in his arms.

_____

Bucky-

Everything felt fuzzy. My mind felt like there was a blanket of fog over everything, like I was looking through a sheet in my own head. I tried to move, but something was holding me down. For a split second, I felt the sick hot panic that came just before I woke up, but when my eyes opened my breath caught in my throat. The panic went away as quick as it came. White hair tangled with mine, and dark lashes brushed against rosy cheeks. Her breath was soft as it rushed out of her pink lips. Max laid just centimeters from me, her body pressed against mine as we lay on the couch. Her legs tangled between my own and her fingers were curled into my shirt. She looked so peaceful as she slept.

The sun was nowhere to be seen even though the room was practically made of windows. I took a moment to glance around only to be met with cold steel lining all visible walls. I figured it was due to triggering the Winter Soldier. I turned my attention back to the girl in my arms.

I did my best not to wake her, moving slowly to shift a her hair away from her face to get a better view of her features. Her head rested on my arm which had long since gone numb. I couldn't help but smile, she truly was stunning.

As I lay there with her, the memories of the night before began to resurface. The fight with the Avengers flashed in my mind first, the way Natasha had tried to knock me out. A subtle ache in my neck cemented the memory as a reality. Max had come then, taking them out one by one. Her strained voice echoed in my thoughts as it played out. I could hear the fear laced within it as she called out for them to stop. I frowned at my recollection, feeling the guilt begin to seep into my bones. I remember her trying to get my attention, to make me just stop a moment to realize what was happening. But she couldn't, not until she physically forced me to. I had hit her. That was enough to make me flinch.

My movements caused Max to stir, her eyes fluttering open and focusing in on my face. Her pupils dilated, and she smiled a smile so small I nearly missed it. "Bucky?"

It took me a moment to pull my jumbled thoughts together enough to respond, "Yeah, it's me."

There was a moment of relief that flashed across her face. Her eyes shined and her smile brightened just a little bit more before it all dropped in a flash. Her hands that were still tangled in my shirt shoved at my chest in a split second, replaced with a furrowed brow and pursed lips. Just like that, she had tossed me to the floor.

"James Buchanan Barnes, you sorry sucker!" Her white hair was dangling in my face not a moment later, and her eyes pinned me in place with a fierceness I hadn't seen in a while. "How could you do something like that and not tell me?"

I sighed, forcing my eyes shut. "I just didn't want you to be worried."

"Seriously? I could have helped you, stupid! It's more worrisome when I get a call from Friday saying you've gone berserk on the team!" She scoffed, disappearing back over the side of the couch. "Friday?"

The A.I. system answered swiftly, "Yes, Max?"

"Notify Tony that Barnes is back. Tell him to open the door." I knew I was in deep shit, she never used my full name and her tone was anything but happy.

"Right away."

I could hear her sigh from where I lay staring up at the ceiling. The guilt began to grow.

"You didn't even tell Steve! What were you thinking?"

I rose from the rug, leaning up on my elbows to peer up at her. She sat with her head laid back against the couch with it tilted towards the ceiling, her arm draped limply over her eyes. Max was dressed in the same thing she wore yesterday, minus my sweater. The dark colors made her hair a stark contrast against them.

"I wasn't. Steve and I aren't really talking right now. I figured he would just turn me down anyways."

Her arm dropped from her eyes but she didn't look at me. "Whether you and Steve are fighting or not, it shouldn't matter. If you don't want me involved in whatever you're doing, that's fine, but Steve should be there to protect you and the others. He's the only other one strong enough that can do it without hurting you." Max pushed off the couch. "I thought you and I were closer than this, Bucky."

I didn't know how to respond to her. I couldn't. I didn't know what I was thinking when I decided not to let her in on it. Maybe I was embarrassed that I wanted to remember her so badly. Of course I was, I risked everyone's life just to try to get even the smallest memory of her back. "I-"

"Save it." Max stopped right before the elevator doors. "I really can't hear it right now." Her voice was broken and soft. Barely above a whisper.

I watched her as the doors opened and she stepped inside. Her back was still facing me when the doors shut behind her.

_____

I had retired to my rooms for most of the morning after Max left. I didn't come out for breakfast and nearly skipped lunch if it hadn't been for Natasha who had shown up pounding on my door yelling about self pity. She told me to come out or she'd break my door down and I believed her. So, I ended up hauling myself up out of the corner of my room where I had spent the majority of my morning running though last night's events and contemplating what I should do to fix the mess I had made to return to the commons room and face the team.

All of them stared at me when I walked in. Well, all of them except for Sam and his ugly grinning mug. "Well I'll be damned. If it isn't Sergeant Grumpy come to join us once again. Can't say I didn't miss you."

I rolled my eyes, shooting him a silent look of irritation. Tony, who leaned against the bar next to the coffee maker, gave me a curt nod. I dipped my head in return and scanned the rest of the room. A wary Doctor Banner sat on the far couch like he did every morning with Natasha, both of which were watching me with varying expressions of caution. I didn't care to look at them too long.

Steve made a point not to look me in the eyes. He avoided even acknowledging my entrance at all. I sighed, the absence of his friendship was like an open wound. I made my way to the food all set out on the counter and made myself a plate, piling it all on and gunning for the fridge. I snagged a random bottled drink from the door and shut it with my heel, b-lining for my room once more. I shot a quick thank you over my shoulder as I left them all behind.

Lunch wasn't anything special today and I could tell by the plainness of it that Max hadn't bothered to come out of her rooms to cook for everyone this morning. I shoveled a spoonful of green beans into my mouth, thinking once more over all that had happened. I felt like shit. Max hadn't been in the commons room with the others and I knew she was still angry with me. No, she hadn't seemed angry. Well, not all angry when I had seen her this morning. She was sad too. I hated myself for making her feel that way.

I groaned, shoving my empty plate aside onto the side table and slumping down on the edge of the bed. What was I going to do? I had to apologize. To both her and Steve. It was pathetic that he and I were arguing over something like this. I was sure we could get past it if we both talked it out. Steve had a level head on his shoulders, and even if what I wanted wasn't what he thought was right, he would understand eventually. I just knew it. That's was just how Steve was.

I turned my head to check the time. Two sharp. He would probably be in his rooms if there wasn't a mission. Steve liked to have the afternoons mostly to himself to review files alone. I decided to head over to his room.

The hall was quiet enough that I could hear the pages turning from behind the door to his room. Strangely enough, my palms began to sweat and my heart beat a little quicker. I shouldn't have been nervous to talk to him. I raised my hand and gently knocked on the hard metal. A moment later, I was facing Steve. Staring right back into his hard eyes.

"What is it, Buck?"

I grimaced at his tone, "Could we talk?"

He stared at me a minute before blowing out a breath and opening the door completely. Once we were both inside and the door shut heavily behind us. I turned to him. "Look, I'm sorry for the way I acted. It's just, I don't understand why you're so against Max and I."

Steve raised an eyebrow, "You don't understand. You haven't ever seen her in action the way the rest of us have. She's dangerous, Bucky."

I frowned, "I'm dangerous too. I attacked all of you just last night, but you still keep me around."

Steve sighed, talking a slow seat on the side of his bed to look up at me with crossed arms. "She's different. None of us know her. We know only what she's told us and all of that could be a complete lie for all we know. I know you Bucky, I know what you're like and your agenda. I don't know hers or if she cares enough about anyone to have one. She's a loose cannon."

A flash of heat rippled in my stomach. "She isn't a loose cannon Steve, she cares about everyone on the team including you."

Steve scoffed and the sound grated against my ears, "She cares about you. That's it. She says it in the way she fights. Snow will do anything to make sure you live. It doesn't matter who stands in her way. She broke my nose to prove a point, cracked some ribs too. She tore Stark's suit apart like it was wrapping paper. That was how she was raised, her whole life's mission is to ensure you live."

I shook my head, "She was just trying to help me."

"That's the thing! She helps you. If you weren't a part of this team and you were still with Hydra, she would be too. If Hydra captured you, where do you think she would go?"

The silence was deafening.

knew where she would go, and so did he. Max had been watching me for longer than I knew. The memories that I had indicated that we were more than what meets the eye, and what she had told me over the time we had spent together had cemented my suspicions. "That doesn't mean she doesn't care about the team, Steve. Max has done so much to help us take down Hydra already, why do you keep focusing on her past? You never did that with me."

"That's because I know you, Bucky. I don't know her, nobody does! That's what I'm tryin to get you to see! Snow makes you lie. You didn't tell me about wanting to try to experiment with the Winter Soldier."

"That didn't have anything to do with her," I ground out. "You can't see how she makes me feel, Steve. You can't get over the fact she worked for the enemy just like me, and now she wants to get out of it. Max is not an enemy."

For a long moment, we both just stared at each other. There was a broken look in Steve's eyes as his lips pursed and the grip he held on his arms tightened. My hands hung limp at my sides and I scrubbed one over my eyes to wipe away the moisture collecting there. "I just wanted to apologize for what happened." I took one last look at him before I turned around and left, shutting the door behind me.

A wave of exhaustion swept through me after I had left. My emotions were a jumbled up mess and all I could think about was how guilty all of this was making me feel. Steve and I had hardly ever had arguments and if we did, they were never this serious. I didn't even want to think about how angry Max was with me. She had sounded so hurt when she left the commons room this morning. A pang shot through my chest at the image of her face that had branded itself in my head. I should have told her.

"Friday?"

"Yes, Sergeant Barnes?" Friday always sounded so calm.

I stared at the floor, "Where is Max?"

"Max is training in the gym," she replied.

I nodded, "Thank you, Friday."

I could almost hear a smile on the A.I.'s voice, "Of course."

I trudged to the elevator, riding it down to where she was in complete silence. My mind sputtered the closer I got to her. I didn't want to mess this up.

When the door opened, I could hear the faint sound of metal on metal. I peered through the glass windows that lined the training area and was surprised to find Max there, all dressed in black, throwing knife after knife directly into a target yards from her. There had to be a dozen blades sticking out of every target, and all of them were dead centered. Head and heart of every one of them.

Max's melodic voice trickled from inside. "It's brave of you to show up when I'm armed." I could tell by the chill of her tone that she was still upset.

I shook my head, opening the door and carefully shutting it behind me. She didn't turn to face me and instead continued to throw her knives at the targets. Each one hit with a resonating clang. Max had requested to use metal targets for a more challenging training, she had told Tony that the wooden ones fell apart too quickly. 

“I'm sorry." I stopped just beside her as she drew her arm back, "I should have told you what I planned on doing, and I'm sorry that I didn't."

Max launched the knife through the air and it thunked into the head of the target. She spun on her heel without missing a beat, her white hair pinned up in a small ponytail at the back of her head, and her striking eyes met mine. They were steely and hard, almost as reserved as they had been the day we first met. "Why did you do it?"

There was the big question. "I..." I stared at her, feeling the way my heart lurched at the coldness in her gaze. "I wanted to remember you… like before."

After the words fell from me it was like they had physically melted the ice that had frozen in her. "You what?" I had never heard her voice so quiet, so vulnerable before.

"I wanted to remember you from before. The memories I have, they're only fragments. There's more to them than I can grasp and I want to know what it was like to know you before."

Max went quiet, her stormy blue eyes glossing over and her fingers tremble just slightly at her sides. I watched her with a heaviness settling in my chest, the feelings living inside of me that were both my own and something else pounded against my ribs to escape.

When she spoke, her voice was soft and soothing. Gone was the ice that had been laced through it just moments before. "Why didn't you just tell me? I could have tried to help you more."

I dropped my head, "I was embarrassed to tell you. I was afraid it would scare you away, that the fact that I was so messed up inside I couldn't even remember much about you. I mean, we just went on a date last night and…" I chuckled dryly.

Soft fingers delicately lifted my chin to meet her eyes. A hurricane of pain raged behind them and for an instant I felt like I would drown, dragged down into the depths of them. But then I was pulled back.

"You don't have to feel embarrassed about your feelings. Ever." Her hand dropped from my face back down to her side. "I am not so easily deterred. I know what you've been through." Max ran her hand through the end of her short ponytail, "I wouldn't ever judge you for that."

Looking at her and hearing her words, I suddenly realized how much of an idiot I had been in the last twenty four hours. Here was this woman standing before me, baring nearly the same scars as my own, and I was afraid to tell her how I felt. I fisted my hands at my sides and closed the distance between us, wrapping her in a hug. "I'm sorry, Max. It won't happen again, I swear it."

Max was stiff under my hold for a moment, but the longer I held onto her the more she relaxed, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and gripping my shirt. She buried her head against my neck and I felt her warm breath there as we held each other.

"I forgive you." The words were barely a whisper against my skin. I pulled away, admiring the way her lip quirked upwards in a small half smile. "I have quite a bit of time left to train if you want to join me." The teasing lure in her voice was back, and I knew we would be alright.

I smiled down at her, nudging her shoulder with my own as I passed. "I don't know if you can take me now. I've been trying some new moves."

A brow was quirked in my direction, "Is that a challenge, Tin Man?"

I squinted at her in disdain, "You've been spending too much time with Tony."

Max's laugh rang through the training room like bells and I found myself smiling all throughout the time we trained.

She won, of course.

Tags<3

@cjand10 / @imdoingathingmom / @blackbirdwitch22

[thelyingjoke]

what are your thoughts on pregame kokichi?

this took a long time to answer sorry!!! i start getting Busy around this time (school my nemesis.......) but this ask is interesting enough that i can use my remaining free time to answer it! thank you!!!!!!

now a thing like this is something i personally can have a bit of trouble with—that is, making up a personality for a character that doesn't have one. when i have something to go off of in canon i can run with it all day and come up with so many things...but i need that little prompt to start with, and if there's nothing, i can't really think of anything. so for a Longgggggg while i've kept my hands mostly Away from the pregame characters, since most of them have so little about them i just couldn't think of anything that would satisfy me. but more recently, maybe like. a few months after i rewatched v3 last year, i started to think about them a little more...and now i think i can answer this question kind of!!!

pregame kokichi is a hard one considering he's one of the many that has like. 1-2 lines that don't say much at all about his character. like the most he has is this

and really Nothing Else of note. but after thinking on it it says A Lot.

already you get from it a guy who is Helpful and looks out for others, even in a situation where it might be dangerous! both caring and also maybe does not have a good sense of self-preservation...but not like, nervous or cowering at all. so, that's a start!!! though there's also a bit i wanna get into in order to elaborate more on what else i think about him (i anticipate this will get Long so. i will put the cut here)

yeah anyway the thing that made me Really start thinking about the pregame characters was the full realization of kaede and shuichi being like...basically the same, just kaede being a little more snappy. and i mean, i knew this the whole time, but i never put too much thought into it because like—yeah they're still the same guys that makes sense. (and i was in major denial about the ending at first haha)

but actually thinking about it it kinda intrigued me. of course they'd be like that. sure they were given different memories, but there's only so much that that can really change about a person, you know? like...there's the assumption i'd have had that they directly tweaked the personality alongside the memories, but honestly i don't think they did. i mean, of course, the memories do influence the personalities—some more than others—but that's as much as i'd imagine they'd have done in terms of personality-changing. they didn't do it directly.

it's like nature vs nurture, kind of. your memories make up a large portion of who you are and how you act, but they're not everything. there are certain things that are just inherent to certain people. two different people given the exact same memories would likely act similar, but ultimately there would be differences, because they're two separate, unique people, with their own quirks and preferences.

and for how the characters were made, i do believe that their backstories and intended personalities were based on their original personalities (whether you believe tsumugi was lying about the audition videos, and i do lean towards her lying, i don't quite think she was lying about getting a flash of inspiration from shuichi's nervousness, that part makes sense to me). kaede is just pregame kaede without the cynicism—because she's given a happier life prior to everything. i think parts of them leak in throughout the game that were not necessarily intended by tsumugi...just because those traits are part of Who They Are, and the memories can't change that. these might be obvious thoughts to have but i felt like talking about them haha

it's hard to say what those traits might be, since we see so little of them, and we don't know what exactly tsumugi would have intended, but you could perhaps guess...maybe kaede's temper? and well. i was going to have a ramble about my ch1 murder theories but i was having trouble wording it and realized that was Really off topic so i will move on

ANYWAY the reason i think this all has to do with kokichi: his pregame personality likely inspired some of ingame personality, so my thoughts on what parts...i think perhaps his Playfulness. i mean, a guy with a hairstyle like That has gotta be down for all kinds of fun and games. so i guess i see him as a playful little guy who wants to help others and maybe doesn't have the best survival instincts/views of self-importance...........

(sorrySorry i just recently read a 5 year old dr/woy crossover fic with kokichi and i haven't been normal since. it was so ridiculous too bad the author orphaned it they were kinda cooking...kokichi and wander are similar you're so right...wish i could talk to them about it SORRY I'LL GET BACK ON TOPIC!!!!!)

in all Seriousness though. i think that that small line has such a big influence on how he acts ingame. of course he's not nearly as willing to throw himself into danger for the others' sake...but i think that Care, that Desire to Help them still lingers, just under whatever backstory gave him those trust issues so he's not as Open about it. and the self-sacrificial nature i Mean...chapter 5. and it's how he kind of 'breaks character'. if you get me? i'm not sure if i'm explaining right...doesn't help i have to do it in increments between Other Things haha

i don't really know if i have an overall point to this but Yeah that's how i see pregame kokichi. i don't have much other thoughts though :( Do you want me to check on what's happening is all i really have to work with...i've seen people talk about him being a student council president and i like that thought. but nothing too concrete, pregame kokichi enjoyers tell me what you think about him i would love to hear what you have because i. do not have much! everyday crying at the lack of information so many things have

[thehusbandoden]

Hello Brain Damage, I hope you're doing well! I'd like to request something if that's alright. My request is for some headcannons or small fic (whichever you feel like writing) for how the mha characters (I don't have a prefence on who) would react if your a villain/hero. Like if you write for a UA student, or hero the reader may be the traitor or a member of the league or some other organisation. If you write for a villain the reader would end up being a hero. I'm specifically talking about being an undercover hero/villain, but like either the reader tells them because they don't want to betray the character, or maybe they were forced. You can take it any direction you want to! Even though I perfer fluff, angst is totally fine too and very expected for some characters! Please have a lovely day, and feel free to ignore this request! I love your work! :>

A/n: I always love your requests, don't be afraid to send more in! If this doesn't suit your taste or if you want another part/more characters don't be afraid to send in another request <33

I tried writing angst for Shigaraki's but it just wasn't working- it seemed a bit too angsty so all of them are fluff 😅

Shigaraki Tomura & Dabi (separately) x Undercover Hero Reader

General info:

Genre: fluff/slight angst // wc: Shiggy's: 1,349 | Dabi's: 722 (sry 🥺) // characters: Shigaraki, Dabi

Warnings!: Teensy bit of spoilers for Shigaraki's back story, thoughts of abandonment, a few hints of Dabi's backstory, and slight mention of a break up. Please let me know if I miss any! <3

Shigaraki Tomura

(there is a bit of angst, but not a ton <3)

Now this could go a few ways.

Firstly, if you told him either straight away or up to four months into dating him that you were an undercover hero -and that you weren't against him.

He would simply need a bit of time before accepting you and moving onto a fullfilling, happy life. This would be ideal, and would leave you saddened or heart broken for a month at the very most and for the rest of your relationship it wouldn't be a problem.

Secondly, if you told him after four-five months up to a year in your relationship.

He would be hurt. Very hurt, in fact. He trusted you, and yet you left him in the dark. He would simply leave without saying a word, angry at himself for letting him love someone. After a while he would simmer down and in about two-three months he would be willing to try and make things better with you. The road would be rocky, and there would be good and bad moments, and possibly a few break ups in the years you spent together, all due to that one secret you kept and the distrust he felt.

And finally, the worst possible out come. You were forced.

His top priority in that moment was to disintegrate the person who forced you. No one is allowed to hurt his baby in any type of way, even if you had kept such a life changing secret from him your partner.

After the hero/villain was only a pile of ash on the ground he would turn to you and interrogate you. Was it true? Were you plotting against him? Did you get with him to benefit the heroes? Did you truly love him? Have you ever stopped him, or one of his pawns?

Truly, there's a small chance you'd get out of this not heartbroken. He would leave and insult you, and you would apologize and beg him to stay. You loved him, but he now despises you, and you're honestly lucky you're not dead. The only outcome to it all would be heartbreak and possible death.

~~~~ Since you prefer fluff here are some headcannons for the first scenario <33 ~~~~

When you first told him he was a bit hurt and shocked. You were his first love, and this is the first betrayal he's felt from someone he loved so dearly. He wouldn't leave right away, but he would be silent, hopelessly trying to process the information.

After a few, tense minutes of silence he would quietly ask you a couple questions, and here's what he found out:

1. You were a pro hero originally from America. You were sent to Japan as an undercover hero, disguised as a civilian meant to confirm or deny a threat to America from a hero agency. You didn't have to do with anything concerning him, and your meeting was an entirely chance encounter.

2. You didn't mean to meet, nor fall in love with him, that was entirely by accident and your love was true. You loved him dearly, and if he asked you would leave your work behind and stay in Japan with him on one condition, he does the same and you move far away where no one would know who the two of you were.

Your answers were good enough for him and he told you he simply needed a bit of time.

And so you waited, for four days, and you would wait more if you had to. Because you loved him and his gentle, traumatized soul.

After four days he came back to you, you had a small talk, and then decided to wait on making any bigger decisions for later. You continued your hero work, and he continued his villainous work.

After that your relationship soared

You set boundaries for what you did and didn't do based off of both of your moral beliefs, and found a solid foundation to rest your relationship on.

Due to your 'character' staying in a hotel room alone with a husband waiting for her to come home, he didn't come near the hotel you stayed at, and you never went out together where people could see you.

You also didn't meet up at the bar due to Shigaraki not trusting the League with someone so precious to him.

You met one another two nights a week. You would both meet up at different locations and share a magical night full of giggles, 'I love you's, and words of affirmation.

Your relationship was strange, but it was full of true love, he didn't judge you for being a hero, and you didn't judge him for being a villain.

After three months you found the information you needed and had to get back home to deliver it.

When Shigaraki first heard he panicked, but you silenced him by placing a finger to his lips and whispering a promise in his ear.

"Tenko my love, I promise you, I will come back, and we'll move far, far away, get married- I don't care if it's in front of the whole town, some random pastor, or we elope between the two of us, no legal documents involved- and create a safe and happy home to start our family. I promise, because I love you, and I know that you love me. Wait for me, and I promise I will come."

And so he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

He honestly started to worry that you were lying- that you didn't love him, and that you were never coming back. He got depressed and angry, he was griefing for someone he thought he would never lose, and it destroyed him.

He even got you a ring three days after you left.

It hit the seven month mark and he had lost all hope, until one day.

It was Winter, he was freezing due to his tight budget and his heart was still throbbing in grief. He didn't care about anyone, or anything anymore except for you.

It was another day of shivering on top of an abandoned rooftop, hands lazily scratching at his red, agitated skin. He hated his life. He hated himself for letting you go. But even though he wanted to, he couldn't hate you.

And then he heard a sweet sweet voice call his name- his real name.

"Tenko. Tenko Baby, what are you doing? Tenko?" The voice sounded worried- and real, but it was just another hallucination, right?

"Tenko Baby, please tell me what's wrong."

He felt your touch now, your warm palm on his hand to stop his scratching.

"Y/n... I wish you were truly here.." he mumbled, moving the warm hand to cup his cheek.

"My Love, open your eyes. I'm here. It's your y/n/n, I'm here."

Opening his eyes, Tenko's heart ached at the sight of you, tears instantly leaping to his eyes.

"Y/n- y/n is it really you?" He breathed, gently pulling you down next to him.

"Yes Baby, yes it's me. I'm here."

"A-am I dreaming again?" Tenko cried, holding both of your hands to his face, kissing any skin he could reach.

"No Baby, no this is real. Here, let me show you." You smile, eyes tearing up at your Tenko's distress.

Pulling the man into a kiss, you move your hands up to his hair, scratching at his scalp, before moving them down to his neck and shoulders, making sure that he no longer doubted your presence.

"Y/n- y/n I thought you left me." Tenko breathed, leaning his forehead against yours as your breaths mingled, holding one another's face lovingly.

"No Tenko, I would never leave you."

After another hour of basking in one another's presence Tenko gave you the ring he got for you, and you gave him the one you got for him.

After Tenko texted Kurogiri: "im done. youre in charge now, tell master thank you, and- thank you kurogiri, i promise ill be fine from now on" and you texting your agency: "I am officially retiring. Please tell the people of America that I fell in love and am living happily. I made sure I have all the money from your agency, thank you for being so kind to me. The one and only; -h/n" you both set off, hands intertwined and hearts bursting with pure joy and love.

Dabi

Don't tell him at first or you'll get roasted.. litteraly.

Though, after a while, as long as you're not going to stop him from making Endeavor suffer, he doesn't care.

In fact part of the child in him loves you a whole lot more, though he'd never admit it.

He'd feel very loved and safe with you if you told him by yourself. It made him trust you a lot faster tbh, and your relationship would be quite strong and you would have a solid- well as solid as you could with your.. peculiar sitatuion- foundation.

I'm sorry, here comes a bit of angst 🥺🥺

But if you were forced?

First of all, are ya hungry? Cause there's some kinda cooked smell in the air..

I mean- it's just a little bit of.. slightly crispy mystery meat...

And second of all, he is hurt. Like- really hurt.

Depending on how far along in your relationship you two were, you might be able to salvage some trust- and save your relationship.

BUT if it was like 2+ years and he trusted you completely, I don't think he'd be able to forgive you..

Buttt if it was less then that and you worked really hard, I think he could forgive and trust you again.

Now back to the flooffy stiuff ^^

I'm sorry I'm in a good -which translates to- goofy mood :'). If it ruins the mood then just send me in another ask and I'll edit it right away <33

He'd even help you out from time to time- though you'd have to pay him back of course...

With lots of cuddles, kisses, and praise... oh and lots of forehead kisses. Don't forget the forehead kisses..

Though he doesn't like the idea of you in any kind of danger, he'd let you enjoy your passion for a while.

Buttt after some time of his nagging he convinces you to give up heroing and just live on his income :))

Mostly thievery, but just ignore that part

He'd get you a nice -well as nice as possible- apartment, and make sure you have what you need/enjoy.

He'd come home almost every night -besides missions- and you'd both fall asleep entagled in one another's arms.

After a while of this you both got so used to one another that you both had a really hard time falling asleep without each other.

And when you did fall asleep, it was fitful and didn't give you your much needed rest.

When he was away you sprayed his cologne on the pillows, comforter, bed sheets, and his your old t-shirt, which did actually help you, even if it was only a little.

When/if you didn't rely on him he would visit you on your patrols, clad in a black hoodie.

It would freak you out and you'd scold him later, but he loved to pull you aside in an alleyway and kiss, or even just hold you.

He'd especially do this if you haven't been able to see each other very often or if he just missed you -even if you saw him an hour earlier-.

Though he wouldn't stop if you complained, if it really bothered you just give him some silent treatment, he would literally beg you to forgive him and promise you that he would do his very best to not do it again.

He started it again about two months later, but just ignore him again, it should do the trick ;)

If you needed an alibi for some kind of undercover mission, he's your man.

Literally

"This is (undercover name), she's one of my most trustworthy comrades. She'll have your back, don't worry."

You really appreciated his support and always gave him extra cuddles and kisses at the end of the day, which he indulged in fully.

Back to him providing for you-

I'm so back and forth I'm sorry 🥺

If you want it, expect it to be in your apartment asap.

He doesn't care if he has to steal or not, your hapiness is everything to him.

If you really don't like stealing though, he'd save up for you.. and it would honestly take him a long time, and probably a few skipped meals or comforts on missions.

Not getting an extra jacket for winter, not replacing his clothes, letting his roots show- barely-, etc etc.

He loves you entirely, and your happiness is his number one reason for living- yes, even above killing Endeavor.. if you begged him to he'd forget about him.. mostly.

Okay but why do I feel like he'd be the best cuddler-

If you can't tell I wrote these far apart, so my mood is quite different 😅😅

~~~~

Shigaraki's masterlist | Dabi's masterlist | Navigation

You can tip me here <3

Reblogs help spread and therefore support my work but any support is appreciated <33

~~~~

Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way -minus reblogging.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

So what was the thought process you and @twinanimatronics had for Moon and DJMM being besties?

Like I know that's a huge fanon thing (though i think y'all were one of the early ones) but is it something yall based on game data or character analysis?

Ohhh!!!

A pretty good question.

I think part of it had to do with @factual-fantasy's wonderful au and comics of the DJ being very close buds with Sun and Moon.

But I think there was a bit more to it then that.

I think I just wanted a fanfiction mostly centered around Moon and the DJ's friendship because they're both Security bots and are the only two animatronics in the Pizzaplex that go back to being "mainly chill" after their initial segment. (Moon showing up at every hourly recharge being super easy to avoid outside his initial Daycare Segment and Sun just stays in the slide all other times)

I also remember seeing the headcanon in @paper-lilypie's old comics that Moon had a music box, which was a popular hc, that Ceph and I have actually proved to be canon with our rabid exploring of the Pizzaplex map like its an archeological dig site.

Made me get to thinking if Moon used his music box often, what songs would he use?

Also got me thinking about how the DJ makes up his own songs on rotation to avoid copyright. He's essentially an AI generated song prompt, but far more endearing and self-aware. DJMM makes his own bouncer chase music to capture Gregory and that's pretty endearing to me.

Thought about Moon stealing DJ's songs to use in his music box. (and yes, I know real life music boxes are made with a set song in mind and he can't rotate them unless there are discs in there. But idk. lol don't think about the mechanics of this too hard of how a music box actually works)

Made me think that Moon would like relaxing Lofi beats that the DJ would make for him.

Lofi Beats to Capture Children to was initially planned to be five chapters. Just showing glimpses into the lives of DJMM and Moon interacting, from a more DJ-themed perspective, with the pov changing between Moon and the DJ...

But I kept adding more things into there.

Once I realized Sun had to be a character in this, the perspective strictly stayed with Sun and Moon.

Like an OC that was meant to just be a foil, and die for character development for the Daycare Attendant turned out to be more complex then I thought as he just became a worse version of myself and I wanted to see him get better so I made a spin-off entirely about him.

I realized I wanted to have Vanny in this, because I love Vanessa. I wanted to show the toxic but completely codependent relationship the DCA has with Vanessa. Because... Well, let's face it, Vanessa is a non-character in her own game. Many fans don't love her in the way I do. Even the most hard wired DCA fans don't really have anything to say about Vanny/Vanessa.... and either ignore she exists... or she's a meangirl background character not important to the plot. Despite the fact that Vanny and Moon's relationship is the driving force for so many things that happen in Security Breach. To the point where the Daycare Attendant is literally a thematic parallel to the Vanny/Vannessa relationship... Something I've been screaming about since Security Breach came out and no one listened.... But I was right. To the Point it's explicitly confirmed in Help Wanted 2.

And I also realized that if Sun was going to be a character, I had to establish life for them for a good chunk of it and how fast things go down. I had to determine whether I wanted them to be their separate things, or one person with DID. And ... While I do think that DID is actually canon..... it's something I don't have experience with writing, and I feel that I would end up saying or portraying it offensively. Especially since the DCA already kinda has the "bad alter" archetype in canon. Plus, to coexist with Twins where they get seperated and they're learning to be their own people... It just makes more sense to have a level of miscommunication between the two. So we understand Sun's fear and need for control. (like in canon Sun has no reason to string up fairylights in his dark room... other then just to never have moon switch over and make him uncomfortable. There's no kids in their room to capture. The generators can stay on in the pizzaplex and their room could be dark and the children would be safe. Sun is making it so Moon can't switch at all... and while that is horrible for Moon, it's important to see where that level of distrust and anger and controlling behavior stems from, and why Moon might be afraid of him in twins)

And If I wanted the DJMM to be friends with Moon, I also needed excuses for Moon to go there. I also needed to consider his relationship with the other Glamrocks and animatronics in the pizzaplex. I had to show how isolated Sun was and how much Sun cared for the kids, genuinely.

So the whole thing snowballed and it sometimes becomes intimidating to work on.

I guess long story short... The DJ is cool. And Moon is cool. I love them both and they make a really great non-verbal pair.

I absolutely love Lofi. So thanks for sending this ask. I know I haven't updated in awhile. But you think being unemployed would give me more freetime... lol but I'm mostly depressed and stressed.

[treasureplanetsheep]

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice thoughts (spoiler alert!):

pretty solid sequel

the last half/third was fantastic (basically when things really started to go bonkers/it turned into a rescue mission)

the soundtrack was great

everyone seemed to be having fun (especially Willem Dafoe)

found wynona ryder to be a little...stiff? idk my mom wasn't really impressed with her either. could be bc of how different lydia was compared to the first film? idk i'll talk a little more about that at the end of this post

delores was an interesting concept of a character (more on that later)

Bob was MVP of the movie

was surprised at how prominent the presence of Charles was in the movie due to all the real life ick involving the original actor. i think they cleverly worked around his character at least i guess.

i recognize the priest from that one show Turn AMC solely from the fact that gifsets of him (usually shipping posts) would regularly show up on my dash thanks to some tumblr mutuals lololol

personally could have done without the beetlebaby (twice!) but fits with the beetlejuice zaniness i suppose

Beetlejuice has kept his part of the bargain TWICE now and Lydia keeps managing to worm her way out of her end of the deal tsk tsk lol

So now for more detailed thoughts:

Lydia:

so i never pictured her to turn out like...this? anxious, getting walked over by her creepy smarmy boyfriend. she lost her spine. :( idk how i feel about bc she's in such a vastly different headspace than when we last saw her.

Delores and Wolf Jackson:

these two kind of go hand in hand in a way? So I LIKED the concept of her character (soul-sucking (ex)wife lol get it?)...but we get so little of her???? she's such a flat character! She could be completely removed from the movie and nothing would change (except Bob would be alive 😭)! You build towards some sort of confrontation with her and Beetlejuice and then nothing happens! she finally finds him, is immediately shoved at rory and then eaten by a sandsnake!!!! curious about her total screentime bc i'm pretty sure nearly half of it is just the stayin' alive stapler gun montage)

Wolf Jackson:

you could tell Willem Dafoe was having fun lol. i really liked him ngl BUT the character schtick of him getting a little too lost in acting out bits almost made it feel like he was in a whole separate movie at times if that makes sense? like it felt like he was just doing his own thing the whole time. in his own world.

personally i think the movie should have only included one of the characters. either delores or Wolf and his police/detective tomfoolery. Then *that* character's screentime could have been dedicated to the other character.

and once again i'll reiterate that the last chunk (busting into the underworld and beyond) of the movie was just so fun. Definitely the best part.

nitpicking:

how i would have worked the beginning:

personally i wish we could have gotten the paranormal show gig stuff with lydia, had her receive a phone call and then just cut to everyone arriving at the house with the "who or what or where are they now" stuff worked in after the fact instead of going to the school and the art exhibition. *Nearly* starting off at the house would have helped move things along a little more in the beginning (i thought it dragged just a tad).

[potatomountain]

To Love A Monster- CH 2

“New Changes”

mutant reader x human ateez- Slight San focus

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: there will be potential triggers for anxiety and mental illnesses all throughout this story. Not all characters are nice at first. In this chapter that is San

AN: not all chapters are going to be long, a reminder a lot of the times i don't edit my works

This is a work of fiction, in particular Fan fiction, and in no way is this a representation or an accurate depiction of ATEEZ or any other idols/people used for this work.

Any feedback is always appreciated and adored! Comment on the masterlist to be added to the taglist <3

Masterlist

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...

Typhon’s had limited places to work just as they had limited places to live. There was government funding for homes and families that took care of Typhon’s, and despite being able bodied and less susceptible to disease and sickness, Typhon’s were still considered too dangerous to work with the general population. The only places we could work were Typhon based companies: companies that worked with Typhon products or had an affiliation with Typhons.

Nine times out of ten, these jobs were simply to be test dummies. 

I was no different really. I was just a test dummy for my father- that was what I was born for.

Granted my father’s research had helped Typhon’s and overall made my life a bit easier… but it also meant that he had all the control in my life. I had more freedom than most Typhon’s, some would even say I was spoiled. He paid for all my expenses, even gave me a highly generous monthly allowance to spend on things I liked. He allowed me to live in my own apartment since I turned of legal adult age, and buy anything I wanted as long as I lived by his simple rules.

I just had to adhere to his tests and experiments, tell him every detail about every emotion or feeling or inhuman thing my body did. And once a week he would get to poke and prod to his heart’s content. It was, admittedly, a boring life.

No friends, or outside hobbies for obvious reasons so the last week of my freedom over my apartment was spent enjoying it. I kept the heat up high, the blinds shut, and enjoyed my once spare room as I sorted through all the random things I had bought myself over the years. Only the day before my new roommate's arrival did I clean up and create the space for him.

The day of, I woke to the sound of knocking on my bedroom door. Scurrying out of my nest of blankets, it was my father’s calm tone that stopped me from lunging at the door in my half-asleep state.

“Ty, I’m here with San and breakfast. Come eat.” Still a bit disoriented, I nodded only to be glad he hadn't seen my foolishness.

"B-be right out!" Pushing aside my little bit of embarrassment I moved around the room unfurling whatever clothes smelled clean enough before I joined them in the living area.

Aside from the two bedrooms and the one bathroom, the rest of the apartment was an open concept, a kitchen island with a built-in breakfast bar the only thing that separated it from the rest of the large space. I had cleaned it up and taken all Typhon related products to my room, the only issue was the stack of things I had moved out of my spare room was now around one corner of my little dining table; as if it ever got used.

Today my father seemed to want to make use of it, having set up a spot for me at one of the two seats that didn't have random boxes piled on them. Blinking the remaining sleep from my mind, I watched him walk over to the spare room without a word. Judging by the other boxes and furniture near my front door, the two men had everything dropped off just inside while I was asleep, and now they were moving all of San's belongings into the room. 

Stomach growling I decided food was priority before I would react to the invasion of my home that was now coming to fruition. The plate did not hide the fact that the food was simply several orders of bacon and sausage patties from some fast food place, but I didn't care. As long as it was meat.

Stuffing my face I listened to my father and my new roommate shuffle around the spare room, moving boxes and other furniture. San would mutter under his breath as if I couldn't hear him loud and clear, my father replying normally. Only five minutes passed before my father made his speedy getaway. "I have to get to work San, so if you need help, ask Ty. She can be useful. Text or call if you need anything."

"My own apartment would be nice." Again under his breath, and I was half tempted to scoff. Not like I wanted him here either. He didn't like Typhon's, yet now he was here in my safe space, making it no longer safe. Perhaps my room will have to do but… I knew I couldn't just hide away for the rest of the year- my father wanted us to get along; I have to oblige.

I didn't react, but my father did sigh. "We talked about this. We all agreed it would be beneficial for all of us right now if you stay here until the wedding. Then we'll get you any apartment you want."

Silence, some shuffling, the next moment I was locking eyes with my father as he approached me. "I know this isn't easy on you either but I'll bring you some new products to make up for it. Like a new space heater for your room and some cute clothes." He looked down at the old stained sweatshirt I wore that was stretched out past its limits. "Alright?"

Despite the bit of a pout I wore, he ruffled my hair and headed for the door without waiting for the answer. Why should he? There was only one answer he would accept and that was my obedience.

Used to this cycle, these expectations, I turned my attention back to the meat before me and finished off the last of the bacon. Once finished I cleaned up.

I was washing the plate when San left his room, making his way quickly towards the pile of boxes still by the door and grabbing one of the larger ones. My eyes followed his every movement, frozen like a deer in headlights. He was taller than I, broader, and I think he would classify as handsome by human standards.

He even looked a bit familiar, as if I saw his face regularly and not just once before.

Either way- I had a mission to do. "Would you like me to help?" He stopped just inside his room, shoulders tense. After a moment I stepped around the island, head tilted to the side curiously. "San? Would you like-"

"No! And don't talk to me." Without looking back he sneered the words out. I could feel the venom in each syllable, rooting me to my spot. He glanced back to fix me with a sharp glare. "You stay out of my room, and I'll stay out of yours. Let's not talk, or greet each other or pretend like we actually want to be in the same apartment as each other. Deal?"

Frowning, I shook my head. "I can't do that. We have to get along."

Groaning, he set his box down just inside the room and turned on his heel to face me fully. "And why the fuck do we have to get along? Because your prick of a dad wants us to?"

Wincing at his words, I nodded, ignoring the insult he hurled about my father. "Your mom too. They both want us to get along. We're going to be related through marriage after all." 

Rolling his eyes he shifted from one foot to the other. "Do you always do what your dear dad says? Like some stupid pet? How pathetic can you be?"

I stumbled back a step, eyes wide as his words felt like physical blows to my chest. I could feel emotion well up in my throat and burn the back of my eyes, no doubt bringing out my more inhuman qualities further. His face shifted in reaction to my own, his gaze falling to the floor for just a moment. "Just-"

Not wanting to hear even more insults I rushed to my room and slammed the door shut, locking it just as my breathing became more erratic. Nestling into my pile of blankets, I buried myself deep and cried. 

He was right- how pathetic could I be? 

- - -

That one interaction was the only one we had, despite how often we ran into each other because of our living situation. Within two days he had everything settled in his room, and I had organized the rest of my junk so it was less of an eyesore, but we didn't even acknowledge each other's presence even when in the same space.

It was a heavy weight on my shoulders and I could hardly stand it even after just two days. The third day I was far too excited to leave the apartment and head to my father's lab, the familiar faces of the other researchers a breath of fresh air.

My father's absence also helped me relax a bit more: I wouldn't be able to handle it if he was the one to ask about things between San and I.

But Doctor Park? That was a different story. Doctor Park was my father's colleague the longest, and had known me since I was an infant. He was kinder than my father when it came to tests, and I fully believed he saw me as more than just a research subject or pet like my father did.

He treated me with care.

Even now as he checked all my vitals, he was being gentle. "You seem really excited to be here today, is there a special reason?" He looked up from the stethoscope to meet my gaze, a brow lifted curiously.

"I uh- was happy to leave my apartment." Sheepishly I fiddled with the hospital gown I wore for each visit, eyes on the blue tips of my fingers. Avoiding eye contact gave away my distress to Doctor Park, but he could probably tell without my habits.

Frowning, he lifted my chin to force my attention back to him. "Your heart rate picked up… are things not going well with your new roommate?"

I shook my head, keeping eye contact since that was what he wanted. I wasn't surprised he knew the situation, I was their main research dummy, any changes in my environment were to be reported and this was a big change. "He doesn't like Typhons. He doesn't want me to talk to him or acknowledge him and he doesn't either. I don't… I don't like being home now. It's scary."

It was easier to be more open with Doctor Park, understanding flashing across his features. "Ah, I see. So you are anxious all the time?"

I nodded.

"That's not good for you little one, your nerves are far too sensitive to be on high alert all the time. What was your father thinking- tsk tsk." Huffing, he motioned for me to turn around and expose my back to him. "Has he seen you fully unmasked?"

"No- I keep it at bay. I'm sure he would freak out if he saw it." I could already picture his horrified expression, it was enough to have my chest tighten. "Father would be disappointed if I scare him."

I felt his hands open the back clasp and then run down the spine of my back. It tingled and reacted to the light touch, shifting underneath my skin in a way I understood was not human. One of the other researchers compared the movement to a snake slithering under the skin. In a sense… they weren't wrong.

"Don't worry about your father’s expectations. We do this research to understand and make things easier for both Typhons and humans alike. Your honest reactions are what we need, as well as his honest reactions. If it's difficult for you to be around San for now- then don't. We can't force results , little one." His hands continued their examination as I shut my eyes, hanging onto his every word and touch.

My back was particularly the most sensitive, in particular the spine, and Doctor Park was always the most gentle with it. He was just as gentle with his advice and I knew he was right. But… "I have to be around him… I have nowhere else to go but here. And father wouldn't like me hanging around here all the time."

He was silent for a moment, fingers tracing some of the patterns on my skin that seemed to bloom outward from my spine. "You know I have a son right?"

Taken aback by the change of topic I glanced over my shoulder at him, blinking in obvious confusion. "Yes?"

"See, I had broached the subject to your father that you should attempt to build relationships with other humans, but I had done so with my son in mind. I didn't think your father would jump several steps ahead and move in Miss Choi's son with you. As much as I respect your father he can be a bit too ambiguous sometimes, and it doesn't always work out the way he wants." He pulled away and clasped the gown back in place before stepping towards the computer.

Hit with a lot of new informationI took a moment to contemplate it all, landing on one question. "Why your son?"

"He's a good kid, and he's like me; he wants to connect Typhons and humans on a more kinder level. There are few Typhons that are accepted into society past their initial family or other Typhons, but it's not as rare as we think. With our reputation, if we studied the connections and interactions between humans and Typhons outside of familial bonds I think we can make some big changes, and I know my son would gladly help with that." He turned to me after typing away on the keyboard. "I helped him open up a Typhon shelter a few years back and it's gotten some good feedback. A lot of our newer patients are from there, and we work with the shelter to ensure they are getting all they need."

Eyes wide as saucers I couldn't believe I had never heard about the shelter before. Surely that would be a better idea than having someone who was afraid of Typhons live with one? 

As if sensing my confusion, he rushed on. "Your father doesn't like my son, not entirely."

"Why not?"

"Because they butt heads over how to treat Typhons, yet both understand that the other is necessary to give Typhons a future alongside humans." He left it at that, smiling as he helped me down from the examination table. "Unmask fully and we'll move onto the next part. Do well enough and I'll give you the address to the shelter."

"I can go there? But its a shelter-"

He nodded. "It's also one of the few safe spaces for Typhons in the city, a lounge of sorts for Typhons to socialize. It'll take time for San to warm up to you but constantly being anxious isn't going to help either of you. We need to keep your stress low. Besides, perhaps you'll get some advice from the other humans there or make social progress and connections all on your own."

I nodded, walking with the Doctor as the final shifts of my body clicked into place, no longer hiding any of my Typhon qualities. "Do you think… I could make a friend?"

The smile he gave me was warmer than the heated air that hit me as we entered the next room, the observation room. "I'm positive. And one friend is all you need."

A friend. 

The thought stayed with me as I completed the usual tasks and exercises I went through every week to ensure my body was still working and to look for new changes. The familiarity of it eased some of the anxiety and weight in my chest, but not as much as the idea Doctor Park had put into my head.

After another hour I left the lab with a smile on my face and an address saved in my phone. A friend would be nice, but really as long as I could find a temporary safe space that was all I needed.

At least until San warmed up to my presence or he left, home was not safe. I really hoped this shelter would be.

[thesherrinfordfacility]

does aziraphale actually at any point agree to come back to heaven? even after the metatron offers to restore crowley? because take all the time you need doesn't sound like he agreed yet. the flashback cuts immediately after the ascension offer without looking at his reply. he dodges directly answering tell me you said no. crowley takes it as a foregone conclusion based on his evasions and reacts accordingly the metatron acts as though he's agreed to cut off his escape routes but i'm not conviced he actually ever did...

(2/2)

hi anon!!!✨ lots of things to talk about here!!!

okay first thing's first, something definitely feels off about the cuts in the metatron-aziraphale chinwag, and the way it's intersected with aziraphale telling crowley, there's no two ways about it. i do think to some degree there is something we are not seeing.

that being said, i think it could potentially be quite... cheap? narratively to have a Big Reveal of *gasp* we didn't see the whole conversation! now if that does happen, im absolutely sure i'll be proven wrong in that assessment, and it'll be great. however, i personally don't like it that much, insofar that i think it can sometimes reflect a poor opinion on audience intelligence (ie. i prefer to find out there were clues hidden in plain sight to about 95% of the 'Answer', you only had to look hard enough to work out what was going on, then maybe a surprise twist for the remaining 5% - rather than something be purposefully and entirely kept from the audience).

so for example, i felt this way about the gabriel/beelzebub storyline. what had happened to gabriel was hidden in plain sight - the fly, the box, the memories, the matchbox etc - but the little twist obviously being him and beez falling in love. beautiful, splendid!

but for there to be a Big Reveal that metatron made an overt or even thinly veiled threat against aziraphale and/or crowley? that feels a bit too Big to reconcile, imo, with the rest of the scene. there are definitely indicators, the more that ive rewatched the Final Fifteen with this perspective in mind, that aziraphale is scared, or uncertain. the way he looks out the window, his facial reaction to what crowley says to him (shaking head, looking confused, etc)...

but i don't think he's been threatened. i think he maybe feels threatened or has Worked Something Out, but i dont think metatron actually intimated any kind of threat (tbh, i felt like that was the whole point of metatron's behaviour in the Final Fifteen). as for whether aziraphale had accepted the offer though - i completely agree that i don't think he had made up his mind completely until a very Specific moment.

i do believe that aziraphale wants to change heaven, and do the good thing of making a difference; i think that its simultaneously very in-keeping with his core traits (and his character development up to this point has naturally led to this decision), but also a step forward in some aspects too - put simply, bc it would be a whole other meta and tbh a point ive talked about quite extensively from my recollection, i definitely think both of the boys needed to separate.

but as to specifically why aziraphale was so willing to make that difference; well, i think he realises that metratron is potentially dangerous. he's smarter than metatron has given him credit for, and aziraphale realises that whilst he may not know his motives for doing so, or what specifically metatron could do, i think he has put together a number of Clues that indicate that he and crowley might not be as safe in the bookshop as they thought they were (and i had to actually parse this out in a separate post, anon, bc i got so excited!!! your ask completely inspired it, so thank you!)

so with this potentially in mind, he leaves the bookshop (and not until possibly clocking this dirty look thrown at crowley, just for good measure):

and settled down across the road with metatron. metatron offers him the job, CUT, metatron gives (?) aziraphale the power to restore crowley, CUT. then aziraphale, as you said anon, starts to come back across to the bookshop, and tell crowley what happened. as you said, metatron's line indicates aziraphale has basically said, "well, i'll need to run it by him indoors first", and metatron has acquiesced, it seems.

so yeah, just to hammer home your point, i definitely think that aziraphale has said something like, "i need to think about it", for metatron's first line to make sense and for it to flow. and his expression, keeping with the kindly old man, indicates to me that he hasn't gone nasty or threatened him at all, but instead is almost taking the "kill them with kindness" approach, which is all the more powerful because it makes the victim, so to speak, arrive at the conclusion they wanted but by their own conviction.

anyway, so aziraphale is all smiley, until he crosses to the bookshop, and it's apprehensive and stiff and uncomfortable. i think this for me is a telling sign, because if he were expected crowley to want to be an angel again, and to be with him, what would aziraphale have to be nervous about? personally i think it's to do with the aforementioned potential realisation that whatever he says to crowley in the shop, he needs to be careful in what he says and how he says it.

as soon as he steps in the shop, it's back to smiles. nothing's wrong at all. in fact, i have good news. aziraphale is looking out the window just as metatron has turned from muriel to look right back. then, when crowley starts rambling (my brave soldier), you need to stop talking, i need to tell you this and i need to tell you this now before anything happens or you end up saying something and land us in deep shit, because i think he can hear everything we're saying (just chopped together a bunch of shit to demonstrate this):

and then aziraphale starts to lay out what the metatron has offered to him, even pulling himself up on potentially offending him by indicating that aziraphale and crowley both might have had a shitty word to say about him after the metatron's less than helpful rhetoric in s1:

im not going to go ahead and gif the rest, but the following notes through aziraphale's account of the conversation and the offer made to crowley:

aziraphale barely blinks after the above point in his monologue, and is definitely agitated and restless compared to when it cuts to the flashback of him and metatron at justine's restaurant

an obvious thing that everyone has remarked but; aziraphale first asserts that he doesn't want to go back to heaven, to which metatron plays the crowley restoration card

as soon as metatron says, "(paraphrased) looked back over your previous exploits with the demon crowley", and aziraphale goes from frozen, deer in headlights, to visibly uncomfortable and panicked - swallows, eyes start darting away (previous pretty firm eye contact with metatron), pursed lips... all indicating to me a mixture of 'oh he's definitely been watching us/has had the power to', and 'oh shit it's worse than i thought'

we don't see aziraphale's face after metatron finishes his offer of restoring crowley - did aziraphale continue to look scared? did he look relieved that a threat hasn't been made? does he even look relieved that metatron doesn't appear to be splitting them up, but instead is offering an option where they can still be together and protect each other? we don't know.

i do think aziraphale was taken in by the promotion; i do think he wants to do exactly as ive said in previous metas. i think he does want to make a difference, do the right thing. not the clever thing, or logical thing, but the right thing. the minisodes literally led to this point, directed us to this being the pinnacle of his character development so far.

i think he genuinely thought that the restoration offer would solve everything re: his and crowley's safety, and their future together - he acts truly shocked that crowley would turn it down. i don't think crowley has ever really told him about the fall, or why crowley is so vehemently repulsed by heaven and therefore by the offer by extension. aziraphale sees it as an overture made towards crowley, a way to set right an egregious wrong done to crowley, and - like the photograph in ep4 - a way that aziraphale, once again, can actually be the one out of the two of them to protect them both.

this to me is why the metatron's whole offer, start to finish, is so clever, and so dumb, and why it would be so gratuitous to even bother with an overt threat. it's clever because it plays into aziraphale's core beliefs and the tenets of his character - especially those that crowley taught him. it's dumb because there's so much that metatron got wrong, like the coffee, and only set off (imo) the alarm bells for aziraphale that things are Not What They Seem. but ultimately aziraphale arrives at the conclusion - especially post-Feral Domestic - that he has to go to heaven. metatron didn't need to threaten him; the decisions that you reach yourself rather than be coerced or ordered into are always the decisions that stick.

i think aziraphale knew he was going to go to heaven as soon as metatron offered it. i think he knew, however this was going to go, it would not be an option he couldn't take. the bit he didn't foresee, that he thought would be guaranteed, is that crowley would want to help him and be with him, not force him to go against his core self (the bit that wants to do good and do the right thing), and not put his faith and trust in aziraphale even if he could never again put it in heaven. im not saying aziraphale is right for thinking or assuming that - far from it - but that must be somewhat along the lines of how he thought this would go.

so essentially, anon, if you've stuck with me this far (bless you if you have, you're so brave), i do largely agree! and it's parsing out this ask that has made me seriously consider if i think that aziraphale knows he's in some sort of peril. i think he does - but i don't think the metatron knows that aziraphale knows. that's pretty powerful knowledge. the opening had been made, a declaration of intent has been made apparent, and now aziraphale needs to respond. i think aziraphale is going to need to play a very tough board here, consider where he moves his pieces, and start planning the middlegame as soon as he can - something, if you ask me, he's already doing:

[dreamsandscenes]

My Thoughts On

ARTHUR SHELBY

*spoilers ahead for S1 - S6 of Peaky Blinders*

I think Arthur is one of the more well written characters in the show. He consistently had his own issues going on throughout the seasons - that were separate from whatever Tommy was dealing with at that time - which can’t always be said for some of the rest of the characters.

I will admit, I wasn't really a fan of Arthur for the first few episodes of season 1. He just seemed like a bit of an asshole that was upset because his little brother was the head of the family/gang rather than him. That being said, my opinion changed when I saw 1x05. Watching his relationship with his father and the clear abandonment/rejection issues he has just made me so sad for him, but also explained a lot about his character to me. All he wanted in that moment was for his dad to love him, just for his own father to end up using him for money and abandoning him yet again.

I think Arthur in particular (maybe because he’s the oldest and therefore, probably saw a lot more than the younger kids) was horribly affected by his less than amazing parents and upbringing. He loves his family deeply, even when he shouldn’t (his dad for example) and unlike some of the other men in the show, he shows that pretty freely. I would actually say he is perhaps the most emotional out of the Shelby siblings (with John being a close second). He seems to be emotionally affected more than the others by certain events; examples would be his breaking down about John’s death, and later when he thinks Tommy is dying too, whereas Tommy is a lot more held together in both scenes, and we don’t even see some of the other characters mourning John at all. Even his over the top reaction to Linda having a male friend shows how unstable his emotions are. It explains why we see him fall into drugs at different points in the show too, because he can’t handle how he feels and it’s just easier to numb himself with substances.

When things go wrong and someone leaves him, whether this be intentional like with their dad or when Linda left him, or unintentional like with John “leaving” by dying, he can’t handle it. His abandonment issues bubble up to the surface, he lashes out - usually violently, at himself or others - and then he self medicates to deal with the aftermath. All of this is without even bringing up the trauma he carries from the war, which exacerbated his issues.

Unlike Tommy, Polly, Ada or even John (with Lizzie & Esme), Arthur only has one love interest throughout the show; Linda. Because we only saw him in that one relationship, I can’t really say whether the way he acted as a partner is just how he is in all romantic relationships, or if it was just the way he treated Linda specifically. Their marriage was less than ideal though.

It started off well enough in season 3, but then again, I think they were still in the newlywed, honeymoon stage of their marriage at that point. Linda basically “saved” him and got him off drugs, which was probably why he listened to her so much in s3; he trusted her judgement more than his own. It was adorable how happy he was to announce her pregnancy to his family too. I would’ve loved to see more of what he was like as a father. I think we only have one or two scenes of him with his son!

Despite him cheating on Linda in s3 - which he was genuinely upset about doing and that is more remorse than we see from any of the other husbands in the show - the marriage stays relatively on track until season 4. Arthur started to go off the rails again after John’s death. He went back to drugs, and by the time we see Linda and Arthur in season 5, it’s clear things have got worse for them.

I did not like how he treated Linda in certain scenes. He kept getting in her face, and being weirdly touchy feely with her at inappropriate times, such as when they’re arguing and he starts kissing her and saying they should go upstairs to have sex, when it’s pretty clear from her body language that she doesn’t want that. He kind of dragged her down into his world throughout their marriage, and I do think it was in her best interests to leave him.

He was in arguably the worst point of his life going into season 6. He’d lost his wife, his son (we never see him even interacting with Billy, so I assume Linda kept him from him), his little brother, his aunt, and then to top it off, he ends the season thinking that Tommy is going to die too. I got emotional watching that final scene between Tommy and Arthur in Tommy’s office. It’s a wonderful display of acting from Cillian Murphy and Paul Anderson.

Had Tommy really died, I think Arthur would’ve followed not long after. I don’t think he could survive the death of another family member, especially Tommy.

As we see though, Tommy doesn’t die, so what do I think Arthur’s future would look like beyond the end of the show? Well, he reunited with Linda at the end of s6, so I think they would be together again for a little while, but ultimately, would break up again. I just can’t imagine the two of them having a long term successful marriage, although I don’t think Linda would ever file for divorce, due to social prejudices at the time, and Arthur definitely wouldn’t, so they’d probably remain legally married for the rest of their lives.

Sadly, I don’t think Arthur would live through World War II. He’s a lot older than he was in World War I, so if he did go off to fight (which I think he would), I doubt he’d survive. If he somehow did, the added trauma of that war would ultimately drag him under. He was barely able to survive with the trauma of one war, let another adding another into the mix.

I suppose we’ll see though, if this Peaky Blinders movie ever gets made.

Arthur was a character that could’ve been easily disliked, even despised by fans of the show, but I think the combination of Steven Knight’s writing and Paul Anderson’s acting came together to create a complex character, that won over a lot of Peaky Blinders’ viewers.

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Playing the Best Version of Myself

I’m not intending to permanently turn this blog series into a “Sophie listens to podcasts and talks about the Starcruiser” thing, but… this week I found myself once again listening to a podcast episode about Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser. It was The No Proscenium Podcast this time, and the episode was titled “Last Call at the Sublight Lounge.” One of the panelists, Kathryn, said the following about Halcyon passengers:

“I believe that a lot of the people on the ship were roleplaying that idealized version of themselves… Maybe you’re braver, bolder, more confident, more willing to stand up for what you believe in. Maybe it’s a version of yourself that you want to wish into being, but you’ve never had a chance to articulate it before.”

Funnily enough, this wasn’t the first time I’ve heard someone express this idea about the Starcruiser. On the final night of the show, I met up with a bunch of the performers after closing time. Emotions were running high, understandably, but a lot of those emotions were positive. There was so much love and gratitude in that space – for each other, and for what we had created and accomplished. Everyone kept talking about how much we’d grown because of the Starcruiser. Late in the evening, one of the performers attributed that growth to how we’d created a space where everyone who participated, everyone who came to play, could come be “the best version of yourself” – and playing as the best version of yourself changes you forever.

It gave me pause, when that performer said it, and I’m thinking about it further after hearing Kathryn bring it up again – because when I entered the Starcruiser as a guest, I didn’t think I was playing the best or idealized version of myself. I fully intended to not be myself. Sophie Katz knew too much about the Halcyon and its characters. I spent six months running around that ship, making sure that everyone else knew everything they needed to know about where to be, why they were there, and what to do while they were there. The beats of the whole two-day show are imprinted on my brain. So I thought that in order to have fun, and to avoid ruining anyone else’s fun with metagaming, I had to separate my guest-self from my writer-self.

Shira Alderaani Khesed was a character I made up almost two years ago. I wrote a poem about the destruction of Alderaan in Star Wars, and afterwards I fleshed out the character behind that first-person perspective. She was a woman without a homeworld, the daughter of Alderaanians who just happened to be off planet on their honeymoon when the Empire destroyed their lives. And as far as I could tell before my voyage, playing Shira would be about as far from acting as my real self as I could get without outright sacrificing my morals. Shira was a mechanic; she’d never had the good fortune to be able to pursue art as a career. She was cynical and cowardly, weighed down by the trauma she’d inherited and unable to imagine a better future – in direct contrast to my real-world optimism. She didn’t have a family or community to support her; her late parents kept her intentionally ignorant of her culture, believing that would protect her from her people’s genocide – unlike my real-life parents, wonderful and alive, who raised me to take pride in my culture. I wouldn’t have called Shira my ideal self; I certainly wouldn’t wish to be her or live her life!

I thought I’d successfully separated my real self from my Starcruiser-self.

But the performers on my voyage were quick to prove me wrong.

I mentioned last week that some of the performers dropped hints that they knew me. Gaya said I looked familiar. Raithe said he knew I understood what was going on better than anyone. Lenka outright added a bit to my backstory, saying she remembered how I helped repair the ship before this voyage.

There’s another example of this that I should mention now.

Captain Keevan’s path did not cross much with mine, but at one point late on the first day, I was standing with a friend in the lower concourse when the captain came out of the dining room. She approached us and asked how we were doing, mentioning she’d heard that I’d had some issues with Sammie the mechanic. I responded in character, explaining that Sammie had asked me to do something that I wasn’t comfortable with (lying to First Order Stormtroopers, which from Shira’s cautious-and-cynical point of view was a good way to get killed).

The captain told me that I shouldn’t have to do anything that made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Half joking, I looked at my friend and said, “Does that mean telling my friends to not sing anti-First Order fight songs?” (Which, yes, is another thing that happened. Video evidence here. Sophie loved that scene; Shira did not.)

“Well,” said Captain Keevan, “something like that could be a useful distraction, at times. I find that some people work well on the front lines, and their actions make it possible for others to do the important work they need to do in the background.”

“I do well in the background,” I said.

And she smiled and replied, “And I know you’re good at keeping things on schedule.”

As she walked away, I realized something about Shira. I’d thought that by making her a mechanic, I was making her unlike me. I’m not a hands-on hard-science building-things sort of person. I’d even been a bit nervous that someone might ask me something technical that I wouldn’t be able to answer.

But as Lenka had pointed out, as a mechanic, Shira was someone who had helped prepare the ship for this voyage. And as Captain Keevan had pointed out, Shira was someone who worked well in the background, supporting the people who were visible on the front lines.

In other words, Shira was the me I aspire to be, as a professional creative writer – not the person in the spotlight, but the person who makes it possible for other people to do well in the spotlight. The person who builds the world, who takes care of the details in the background, and who, if I’m doing my job right, goes unnoticed. You don’t notice a mechanic unless something breaks; when things go smoothly, you praise the captain. Similarly, you don’t notice a writer unless the dialogue is bad; when shows make you laugh and cry, you praise the actors and directors. That’s how it is. That’s the space I work well in and take pride in. Sure, I want people to know what I can do, and I want to get credit when I do a good job – so that I can continue to do this work that I love and make a living with it. I don’t dream about being a big flashy hero with crowds chanting my name. I want to be quietly essential.

I realized that Shira had an opportunity here – to learn to be that quiet, essential background player.

And as the show progressed, moments kept coming up that developed her story in that direction. When Lt. Croy ordered that a restraining bolt be put on beloved droid SK-620, Shira whispered to Sammie that he needed to go through it, despite the boos of the crowd, to keep the ship safe. The next day, Shira helped lure Lt. Croy and the stormtroopers downstairs to give Lenka and Saja Fen a chance to rescue SK. During the heist, Shira didn’t get one of the many “noisy distraction” jobs; instead, Raithe secretly passed Shira the gem, and she stood far away from the action, quietly keeping it safe while Captain Keevan ordered Raithe to turn out his pockets. Moment by moment, act by act, decision by decision, Shira was learning how much of an impact she could have on the galaxy from the background, even if – perhaps even because – most people didn’t know she was there doing the work that needed to be done.

Everything culminated in a scene that caught me off guard just as much in reality as in character. Shira wound up in the middle of the atrium, with a whole crowd of people’s eyes on her, telling Lt. Croy a series of objectively terrible lies.

It would be impossible for me to exaggerate how uncomfortable I am with improv. I’m fine with public speaking – I’m honestly pretty good at it – but I always prepare a lot in advance. If you’ve ever heard me say something cool, it’s because I spent at least ten minutes beforehand planning it out. I did not plan for this moment. And so, in that moment, even though I objectively knew that no real-world harm would come to me, my fear and Shira’s were one and the same. All I wanted to do was run away.

But I didn’t run away. I kept talking – babbling, really – because I had to keep Croy’s attention on me, so he wouldn’t turn around and see Raithe sneaking up to the mezzanine to steal the coaxium. Because that’s what Shira would have done, after everything she’d been through on that ship. She would play her part. She would make it possible for other people to do the more obviously important and visible job. And, as soon as the job was done and it was safe to do so, she would run away… straight towards Raithe, who promptly handed her the suitcase of coaxium. He knew he could trust her with it.

And me? I want to be trusted. I want to be someone that people can rely on. I may not literally want to be Shira Alderaani Khesed, but I want to have the kind of impact she had on the story unfolding around her, just by being me, hard at work in the background. Building worlds, preparing experiences, and keeping everyone around me on schedule. Relied on and appreciated by the people who matter most. Quietly essential to a life-changing experience, and given the chance to be so again, and again, and again. That’s the best version of me.

You wanna know the best part? Those two days I spent as Shira was not the only chance I had to be that best version of me. I now understand that the role that Shira played on the Halcyon was the role I played with Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser. I see it now more clearly than ever before. We don’t often get the chance to see ourselves so clearly, and I am so grateful to this cast for helping me see. They gave me such a gift. They gave everyone who set foot on that ship the gift of getting to be – and to learn that we are – our best selves.

I know what I can do for others – for a creative team, for an audience, for the world. I want nothing more than to do it again, and again, and again.

Let’s do it again, together.

[thedarkone121]

Death Mark AU: Protagonist!Swap Saya Kujou

I managed to get it done on her birthday! Everyone, say hello to the hero of our Protag!Swap AU: Saya Kujou!

Why yes, that is her brother’s coat she’s wearing. But she doesn’t know that by the time the amnesia takes hold of her. All she knows that she woke up with this coat wrapped around her and for some reason, she refuses to be separated from it.

And yes, Masamune did give her that coat during his last moments of being fully in-control.

Here’s her without the coat:

Saya Kujou is a character I feel like a lot of fans could interpret in their own way since she was, ya know, dead when we first meet her and all we got for her characterization was from her being a voice in her brother’s head in the main game. So, she was dead and loves her brother; time for the Dark One to get her hands dirty.

In my previous post I had mentioned a little bit of Saya, how she was initially the one who was accidentally the one responsible for her brother’s possession since she was the one who damaged Mary’s doll body. It was here that things changed; Saya was originally Marked by Hanahiko, like in canon, but she found out just how fast the amnesia was affecting Masamune. So, with her own death close, Saya attacked Mary.

“If I go down, I’ll take you with me!”

Cue Butterfly Effect; Mary get’s so pissed off that not only does she possess Masamune when he manages to make it to the Kujou Manor, but she takes over the Mark on Saya so she essentially becomes HER victim.

Well, now the backstory is out of the way, time to get into a bit of Saya’s character within the story; she’s been portrayed as the more outgoing of the two siblings in canon, being the face for the Kujou family despite her brother being the Head at the time. With that in mind, I like to think she’s very motherly while also having the ability to kick your butt. Like I picture all the younger Mark Bearers just flocking after her like ducklings — yes, even Shou and Tsukasa even if they don’t want to admit. She’s like that fun teacher you have that tries to make lessons interesting while also being brutally honest about things.

Due to her more blunt nature and her not having memories of being a Spirit Healer, I imagine Saya to be viewed as reckless and too outgoing amongst the adults. She’s a woman who marches to the beat of her own drum, especially when she’s not putting on a polite facade at conferences. This particular character trait came about when I remember that, as the black rabbit, she literally took the FLIPPING NENJINBUTSU out of the shrine before it was fully cleansed and kept it with her when she went to fight Mary!

…Suffice to say, Saya would definitely be the person to do something random or possibly life threatening just to see if it works. She often gives her adult companions heart attacks.

For some reason, I actually view Saya and Mashita as not getting along with the other. But not like hate each other, just two people who don’t get along but are forced to work together and are slowly coming to respecting each other. Don’t ask me how I came to that conclusion cause I don’t know how I got to that point either. I think I just found it hilarious that Saya would think Mashita is a degenerate only to realize that her brother like-likes him! 🤣

Speaking of her brother, let’s talk about Saya and the possessed Masamune! During the beginning, Saya was told that Masamune was her family butler and she believed. While her memories of her brother may be gone, her heart still knows him so while it does lead to her getting manipulated by Mary, Saya easily trusts Masamune and has come to rely on him for information on spirits.

But as the Chapters go on and each of the Mark Bearers tell her their tale of Masamune’s strange behavior, Saya starts to get suspicious. She still wants to trust him but even she realizes that something is wrong with him; how he appears to be light-headed, seems to be nauseated all the time, not to mention that one time he grabbed her arm and how his eyes seemed to flash with… Something.

With that, I think I’ll leave things here for now. I’ll probably do more doodles on a future date. Until then, enjoy this picture of Saya and Masamune.

Characters: Masamune Kujou // Saya Kujou (Here)

[clonerightsagenda]

Ok let's put this to bed. Or more appropriately in the grave. Nice stuff first:

The show was well paced and didn't drag! After my increasing frustration with the second half of HDM, I appreciate that. While it veered further away from the books in the second half which annoyed me on principle, I don't think there was anything wrong with the changes from a structural or storytelling perspective. Adding hints toward later plot twists helped provide an overarching plot to propel the season since they squashed two books with separate story arcs together.

One of my favorite things about the books is the thought put into little details of how society would respond to this situation, and the show added some new ones - the salt sprinklers, places of business having countdown clocks to sunset, those all made sense and were great touches. The ghost lamps also looked super cool.

All the kids in this situation are victims, but Lucy doesn't see herself that way and is comparatively privileged as an unsupervised agent/not night watch, so her narration skates over a lot of the horror lurking in the background. The show gets outside her head and into the darkness a bit more, which I don't object to on principle, though I do think they weakened themselves by having almost all the agents be older. At least have some younger extras besides the canaries at the auction. DEPRAC being more active worked well both from a logical standpoint and as an additional source of tension. The biggest issue here is that the books are also really funny - a major hallmark of Stroud's work is dealing with heavy shit while being hilarious - and while the show got darker it did not have much of a sense of humor.

As I said, George came off the best of the trio, and Flo also benefited from being given additional depth and not getting subjected to Lucy's uncharitable narration. The others though... I appreciated they did not cast someone stick thin as Lucy, and I liked her relationship with Norrie (helps beat the internalized misogyny allegations, helps confirm the bisexuality allegations, if they'd had any sense in future seasons the Belle Dame would've looked like her) but as I complained about at length I feel like they saw 'female character with empathy powers' and slammed the 'hysterical woman' button too hard. Lockwood... also as I said you can tell non-Lucy observers think he's obnoxious in the books but he's endearingly childish enough that you forgive him, whereas his show version was just annoying and it felt like we kept rehashing the same beats. Finally the skull's character does shift noticeably between book 2/3-5 but they cut his backstory and most of his lines, so IDK where they were going to take him for the rest of the series. Sorry if you don't find Lucy's toxic codependent frenemy hostage situation compelling, showrunners, but it was a highlight for me. He was another casualty of the show not having a sense of humor imo. Without the first person pov that's where most of the jokes come from.

Overall, while it would have been neat to see if they did anything visually interesting with the Other Side sequences, I am not bummed that this got cancelled. I would've still watched it but I would've made an 'annoying adaptation choices' bingo card and filled it out while eating M&Ms. I'd bet $10 they would've murdered Kipps for the fucking love triangle.

[dzthenerd490]

File: Man in the Suit

Original Creator: @Unkn0wingly

Please support their YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@Unkn0wingly

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SCP#: ADE

Code Name: How to turn into a Titan/ Mascot zombies.

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: All instances of SCP-ADE are contained at Site-AC. Each one is placed in a separate 4x4 meter room. Each room is kept at 12 degrees Celsius but can be lowered to -50 degrees Celsius should they show active movement or aggression. Blood samples are regularly taken from each one to see if there is any change in hormone level, blood, and overall DNA.

SCP-ADE-Alpha is contained at the newly established Site-AE where it is regularly harvested of its anomalous venom and blood. One the spine of SCP-ADE-Alpha is placed a Cybernetic Spine Device that keeps SCP-ADE-Alpha in a paralyzed state without the need of medication. The CSD also keeps SCP-ADE-Alpha from growing, as such it must be regularly maintained on a weekly basis.

Should the CSD ever need to be replaced, SCP-ADE-Alpha is to be sedated with [data expunged] megaliters of Foundation sedatives while a new one is made. This process should never take any longer than 12 hours as SCP-ADE-Alpha will begin to grow immunity to the sedatives. It will reach a point of immunity where even increasing the dosage will only slow SCP-ADE-Alpha.

Any testing involving the SCP-ADE instances must be approved by at least two Level 4 Clearance staff members. If there is any testing regarding SCP-ADE-Alpha, it MUST be done with Foundation staff of Japanese ethnicity as SCP-ADE-Alpha has proven to be hostile to anyone of a different ethnicity.

Description: SCP-ADE is seemingly an infection mutation that is the result of unknown drugs. The end result was SCP-ADE-Alpha which is a man who was mutated inside a costume resembling SCP-ABQ. The reason for this is because the costume was created by Toho Entertainment, the main entertainment company that the Foundation entrusted to help hide SCP-ABQ in plain sight. SCP-ADE-Alpha was originally an actor that was supposed to act as the fictional version of SCP-ADQ but after ingesting an unknown drug when wearing the suit his body mutated and the suit became his new skin while his original body became his new insides.

SCP-ADE-Alpha is extremely beast-like but much more aggressive than the SCP-ABQ the Foundation is more familiar with. Furthermore, like the original host, SCP-ADE-Alpha hates anyone who is not of pure Japanese ethnicity, especially Americans. SCP-ADE-Alpha has a massive resentment for America after the dropping of bombs in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Thankfully SCP-ADE-Alpha has none of the anomalous abilities of SCP-ABQ though that is not to say that he isn't dangerous. SCP-ADE-Alpha has the anomalous ability to stretch and grow his body making him bigger and stronger as a result. He also has great regenerative abilities almost comparable to SCP-682. Unfortunately, recent testing has shown that it also has SCP-682's adaptive abilities as well. Though thankfully it has not had any reason to endure the same damage and hardship as 682, so as of now it is as weak as an adult crocodile.

SCP-ADE-Alpha unfortunately, has very mutagenic and infectious properties allowing it to spread its effects on other people. These creatures are referred to as SCP-ADE-Beta instances. SCP-ADE-Beta instances are people who were wearing other costumes but got bit by SCP-ADE-Alpha. Through a mutagenic venom the person starts to bloat inside the suit and just like SCP-ADE-Alpha their original body becomes their new insides, and the suit becomes their new skin. So far only three of these instances exist.

One is the first created is based on the fictional character known as Anguirus, a Titan that doesn't actually exist and is completely original to the Toho fictional universe. This one unlike the other two is completely docile and actually surrendered to the Foundation willingly upon containment. The other is a giant silk moth cocoon that is believed to represent SCP-ABU. Even at the time of writing this instance has not awakened but still receives the same containment measures as the others as a precaution. Finally, there is the most dangerous SCP-ADE-Beta instance which is believed to represent SCP-ACJ. It is unknown if this is actually true.

The reason being that this SCP-ADE-Beta instance does have three serpent heads like SCP-ACJ, but its body is made entirely of a crimson sludge that seems to be a mutated version of SCP-ADE-Alpha's Blood. This version of SCP-ADE-Beta wasn't created by a human getting bit by SCP-ADE-Alpha but instead by Alpha puking blood into a hole and having it cultivate a living organism. Because of this it has been heavily debated if the Foundation should continue calling it SCP-ADE-Beta or change its label to Omega.

Unlike the other two the third SCP-ADE-Beta is extremely hostile and constantly tries to escape as such its containment counter measures are constantly activated to keep it contained. Though despite its wildly different nature from the other two a majority of staff still wish to label it as SCP-ADE-Beta since like the other two it was created by SCP-ADE-Alpha.

SCP-ADE-Alpha was discovered in 1964 when the last SCP-ADE-Beta instance was created. SCP-ADE-Alpha escaped the custody of Toho Entertainment and went out into the forest to find a perfect area for SCP-ADE-Beta's birthing place. Because it was out in the open, Foundation satellites were able to track it and contact the higher ups. Due to the nature of SCP-ADE-Alpha and the Beta instances, Mobile Task Force Artemis-6 "Wild Hunt" and Mobile Task Force Dionysus-3 "The Party Package" was sent out in a Joint Operation to find and subdue SCP-ADE-Alpha. The mission was surprisingly easy as after creating SCP-ADE-Beta, it was weakened and unable to put up resistance.

After the two anomalies were contained Toho Entertainment was quickly targeted by the Foundation. To save face, they quickly surrendered all the crew involved in containing SCP-ADE-Alpha and the other two SCP-ADE-Beta instances. All Employees that didn't know what was going on were let go after being given the proper amnestics. The rest who knew and tried to keep the movies going and experiment with the anomalies for the sake of profit were processed as D Class. The director in particular was revealed to have a business deal with Group of Interest: Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd. He was planning on selling SCP-ADE-Alpha to them after the first few movies were done. For his crimes he was used as a test subject for armor against SCP-106, it didn't work.

Unfortunately, the Foundation was unable to find the members of GoI: Marshall, Carter, and Dark Ltd. that were associated with the purchase of SCP-ADE-Alpha. Though Toho Entertainment has been put under a Level 1 Foundation Watch List for both their greed, negligence, and mishandling of the anomaly.

Update 2011 - After the discovery of SCP-ADG Toho Entertainment was moved up to a Level 2 Foundation Watch List as this is the second time an anomaly has manifested while being related to their property.

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SCP: Horror Movie Files Hub

[z1m1nys0ldat]

The best current actors and the film/TV show that proved it to me

There are a lot of incredible actors out there, and more emerging every day. And it’s difficult to choose who my favourites are, however there are some actors that to me are just a little bit above everyone else. 

Florence Pugh  Florence Pugh is without a doubt an amazing actor, and is actually one of my favourites. She has starred in some of my favourite films, and is set to star in others that I’m unbelievably excited to see. 

There are a few reasons why I love Florence Pugh’s acting, but the big one is her ability to portray such deep emotional scenes. Her ability to act out: terror, love, anger, sadness, grief and so much more is masterful and really sets her apart. 

There are a lot of films that have showcased Florence Pugh’s abilities, one of my favourites being Midsommar. However the film that really to me displayed how incredible of an actor Pugh is, is the 2022 film; The Wonder. 

Florence’s ability to embody her character so beautifully was so enthralling and captivating and it kept me on the edge of my seat the entire way through. The way she is able to act out such deep and intricate emotional scenes with so many layers and nuances... I would not be suprised if there was an Oscar with her name on it in the near future. 

Tom Holland  I will admit I used to not be a big fan of Tom Holland’s work, I had only seen him in Spiderman and I found myself associating him with the character too much and struggled to separate the two. I was not a fan of the hype surrounding him and because of this I had a real unfair bias for him. 

However this has since changed. The reason why? The 2020 film; The Devil all the time. This film was incredible and Tom Holland’s acting was off the charts and it really changed my opinion on him. 

Holland has a real talent with accents, and it’s rare (at least for me) to be able to find an actor that can preform with a realistic accent at different volumes and with different tones and pitches. 

Sebastian Stan It’s no secret that I love Sebastian Stan, I’ve followed him and his projects for a while now and it’s rare for me to be disappointed. Sebastian Stan is the sort of actor that I love for so many reasons, but the main one? His ability to act and display emotion silently and without words. 

He can express and portray so much emotion and feeling through his eyes and his facial expression that he doesn’t even need to say a word. He is has the ability to do comedy, romance, horror and action, and he does it all well. 

The way he so seamlessly slips into his characters and really becomes them is so incredible to me. 

The project that shows this the most to me though is the 2012 drama series; Political Animals. His depiction of TJ Hammond was so heartbreaking, and so (no pun intended) addictive. 

Timothée Chalamet  Timothée Chalamet is another one of those rare talents that is just so much more. I don’t quite know how to describe it, but there is simply something about how he commands the screen, how he captures your attention. 

His ability to emotional connect with his co-stars and show that on screen is so beautiful, the chemistry he has with everyone in CMBYN is enthralling and makes the film so much more beautiful. 

However it isn’t CMBYN that really showed the extent of Timothée Chalamet’s skill, in my opinion. That goes to the 2018 film; Beautiful Boy. The acting in the film is incredible. Timothée was really able to capture all of the pain and hopelessness of addiction, as well as the hopeful and soulful moments of recovery. When I watched this film, I wasn’t watching Timothée acting out a character, I just saw his character living. There was no disconnect between the two. 

Josh Hutcherson Now, on this one I am admittedly a little bias. I grew up on films starring actors like Josh Hutcherson, one of my favourite films growing up was Bridge to Terabithia. However I don’t think I’m being bias when I say this actor has some serious skill. 

The Hunger Games has long been one my favourite film series (and book series), so I obviously had quite the crush on Josh Hutcherson growing up. However his inclusion on this list is not because of that. 

It’s because of his portrayal of Peeta Mellark; more specifically in Mockingjay Pt1. The way Hutcherson acted out Peeta’s downward spiral while in the captivity of the Capital was mesmerizing. I remember being genuinely afraid for him when watching the film, even after multiple rewatches. The way he acted out Peeta’s fear, rage and hate after he had been hijacked was so unbelievable incredible I can’t even put it into words. 

Honorable mentions     Cillian Murphy - Peaky Blinders | Tommy Shelby Chris Evans - Defending Jacob | Andy Barber  Tom Hardy - Oliver Twist | Bill Sikes   Benedict Cumberbatch - The Imitation Game | Alan Turing  Tom Hiddleston - War Horse | Captain James Nicholls  Jodie Comer - Help | Sarah  Jennifer Lawrence - The Hunger Games | Katniss Everdeen Hayley Atwell - Black Mirror (Be right back) | Martha  Natalie Portman - Black Swan | Nina Sayers  

[brbrbeatrice]

After the Rescue - by brbrbeatrice

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairings: Sam Winchester & Dean Winchester (Gen)

Other Characters: John Winchester, Bobby Singer

Word Count: 5,021

Summary: Sam is taken by a Djinn. John and Dean manage to rescue him, but Sam's recovery does not go as simply as they had hoped it would.

Pre-Series Sam is 13 and Dean is 18.

Sam had been missing for over a month by the time they found him. John and Dean had been searching without rest the entire time. Dean had been emotional yet cold throughout their entire search. The panic had threatened to drown them both.

When they finally found him, it was a stroke of luck. John was half convinced Sam was already dead. The dread filling him completely each night as he tried to sleep for an hour or two just to stay sharp. They found Sam being kept alive by a djinn. The djinn feeding on Sam's fears. When Dean burst into the basement of the warehouse, his eyes immediately found Sam, dangling like a slab of meat. He felt sick. After all this time, that's where Sam had been. At that moment, of course Dean wanted to kill that son of a bitch, but he wanted to get his baby brother down from the goddamn ceiling a million times more.

He ran to Sam, John closely behind. The djinn attacked, Dean ducked through, John following right behind. John entered into a fight with the djinn while Dean ran to Sam. He froze for a moment when he was close enough to take in Sam's changed features. His complexion was a bluish gray, he was gaunt, thin, unconscious. Dean cut him down and caught Sam in his arms, quickly checking him for a pulse and detaching the drains from him. Sam was alive, he couldn't fucking believe it. Except he could fucking believe it because this whole time that was the only option that Dean had let himself explore. He cradled Sammy, running him back toward the Impala. He didn't even know how dad was fairing in the fight, that didn't matter. He wanted Sam tended to now , scratch that, a month ago . He wanted Sam tended to a month ago. It turned out that Dean needn't worry about dad catching up with him, as he put Sam in the Impala, dad was right on his heels, reaching over the other side of the car to examine Sam.

“Dean, how is he?”

“How the fuck do you think he is, dad? We're lucky he's fucking alive! look at him!” John started petting Sam's face, feeling his pulse. Dad ran to the back of impala and quickly pulled out a blanket to wrap around Sammy. “We need to get him to a hospital, dad.”

“Son, I know you're worried, but I really think he'll be fine. Besides what the hell are we going to tell a hospital?? What possible explanation could we give for something like this?”

“I don't know dad, Jesus. We can always outrun a suspicious doctor, but if Sammy dies, then he's fucking dead! We can just tell them he's sick, anemic or something. Just please, dad, Please . He's been gone for months , who knows what the fuck they've been doing to him all this time. We can't afford to risk his health after all that.”

“Jesus, Dean. stop. Let's get him back to the room and out of here and see how he is, then we can decide.” Dean didn't think it would be helpful to argue with dad anymore at this point. He knew his dad, and he knew he had been freaking out every bit as much as Dean had. He knew that the thought of police, or cps or anyone trying to separate them from Sammy for any reason-it wasn't an option right now. So he did understand. But here’s the thing, it’s just that Dean was so worried . He needed reassurance that Sam was okay, that he would be okay from a professional. He needed it deeply, on a primal level.

Dean got in the back seat with Sam and cradled his head onto his lap. He took in all of Sam's features. He looked so different. He was so pale, no, not pale-discolored. He was impossibly thin, weird bruising on different parts of his body that he could see. Dean was already crying, he couldn't help himself. Sammy was here, with them. Dean thanked a god he didn't believe in, over and over and over. He hadn't realized how exhausting the absolute terror he had been feeling for the past months had been until now. Sammy was here, Sammy was with him, Sammy was safe....Sammy wasn't okay....Sammy....Sammy would be okay. He was stroking Sam's face, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Sam's hair had grown quite a lot. It was dirty, greasy, like the rest of him. Frankly, Sammy stunk. It mattered so little though, Dean hardly registered the smell.

They were almost at the hotel when Sam started moving. He groaned before opening his eyes,

“Sammy?” Dean spoke softly. Dad quickly glanced back,

“He waking up, Dean?” Dean nodded at him through the rear view mirror.

“Sammy, son! Wake up, kid.” John said forcefully but with affection. And then Sam was awake, he startled so quickly, he made Dean jump. Sam was suddenly in a sitting position, clearly scared, on guard, ready to attack.

“Hey, hey, hey!! Sammy! Sammy, it's us. You're safe. You're safe!” Dean reached for him but Sam flinched again, looking around wildly, chest heaving. Dad had parked the car in the parking lot, he was turned around in the driver's seat.

“Son?” Sam flinched again, looking at dad. He exhaled dramatically.

“oh my god, oh my god” Sam sobbed. And then Dean had two armfuls of sobbing little brother hanging onto him. Dean was crying too, he hadn't really stopped crying since they found the poor kid. Dean was doing his best to sooth him, running his hand up and down Sam's back and petting his hair. Dad knew better than to intervene. Once Sam started calming down, Dad nodded to Dean and came around to the back of the car and opened the door.

“Sammy, let's get inside okay? Get you cleaned up, son. How does that sound?” Sam nodded. Dad leaned in to help him out of the car. Sam tried to get on his feet as he exited the car, immediately collapsing. Dad was right there. “whoa, whoa. Okay, okay. Let's go slower, Sammy. Let's go slow” he soothed. He had caught Sam under his arms, Sam was still conscious, but was shaky, uncoordinated, struggling. Luckily, Sam was small for his age. Dad scooped him up and carried him over into the hotel room. He sat Sam down on the bed and kneeled down in front of him. “Okay, kiddo. Let us take a look at you alright? How you feeling? what's going? Are you injured?” Sam shook his head. Dean grabbed a blanket off the other bed and draped it around Sam's shoulders, kid was still fucking shaking. Dad started triaging, checking him for fever, his pulse, his pupils. He turned to Dean,

“He seems okay mostly.” Dean noted tears running down dad's face. When had he started crying? John made no effort to hide the tears, he wondered if dad was even aware he was crying at all. Dean came and sat next to Sam and put his arm around him, Sam leaned into Dean's side.

“Sammy, man please can you talk to us? I'm freaking out here, kid. I want to know if you're okay, what do you need?” Dean handed him a bottle of water, when Sam didn't respond to his question or reach to take the bottle from Dean, he turned his attention back to dad. “Look at him, dad. At the very least he's fucking malnourished and dehydrated.”

“Sammy, drink the water,” Sam looked up, attempting to take the bottle, it fell from his hands immediately, he whimpered. Dean shot another look over at dad.

“His hands were tied up, for who knows how long. I think his muscles are all locked up or something,” Dean posited. Dad reached up and held the bottle to Sam's lips, he drank slowly and messily.

“Let's figure out a way to get him cleaned up,” Dean turned back to Sam.

“Hey kid, maybe a warm bath would help you feel a little better. Okay?” Sam nodded.

“I'll get him ready, you get the bath ready,” dad ordered. Dean did as he was told, he got some wash clothes and a towel, he'd lay the hand towel in the bath so Sam could cover himself in case he needed help. He started walking back into the room and heard his dad exclaim sadly,

“Oh Jesus, Sammy”

“What? What is it?” His dad, rubbed his face roughly wiping his eyes, he took a deep breath.

“He's just, he's all bruised up.” Dean came closer, and examined Sammy. He indeed did have bruising all up and down his torso. The kid had lost a dramatic amount of weight. Dean would feel so much better about this if they had just taken him to the hospital. But now seeing the bruising, he was almost glad they hadn't, CPS would have swept Sam away for sure.

“Dad,” Dean stuttered, he felt like his throat was closing up from the effort of avoiding tears.

“I know, I know. He's alright though, he's alright.” They were both so emotional. The last months had been so emotionally taxing. Now with Sam in front of them, it was so surreal. They needed him to be alright, and he clearly wasn't.

Dean and dad both helped bathe Sam, afterward Dean tried to get him to eat something. Sam took a few bites of a cracker after Dean gave him a pleading speech. The kid was asleep now.

The next couple of days were difficult for everyone, but especially Sam. He struggled with his movements, his muscles were cramping, he was week and uncoordinated. Luckily, the cramps had subsided after a few days. Those first couple of days though, the kid was cramping and aching so severely that he was breaking into sobs. Dad had to administer pain medication for him every 5 hours after that first night. Dean didn't know if he would ever be able to get the echo of Sam's pained sobs out of his head. He felt sick whenever the wailing haunted his memory. Seeing Sam helpless and suffering after him being gone for so long, it was all too much. Maybe the worst part though, was the nightmares. Sam had always been prone to nightmares. It was like it was the only time he couldn't guard against his thoughts, the trauma tended to seep through when he was unaware, unconscious. Dean started sleeping in the same bed as Sam. They hadn't slept like that in years. But when Sam woke from a nightmare panicked, groaning, breathless-yeah....Dean just needed to be there. Sam was moving a bit better after a couple of weeks, he was still stiff and stilted, his side still had some spectacular bruising, the cuts from the restraints on his wrists were mostly healed. His color was starting to come back. The kid still wasn't talking much, but Dean was feeling hopeful. At the end of the second week, Sam refused to let anyone help him to the bathroom and insisted on bathing himself. Brushing off attempts to help him walk, kid was unsteady, but he made it.

So yes, when Sam's suffering seemed to lessen, when things seemed like they were getting better, Sam more independent...Dean was feeling hopeful. He quickly was finding though, that if it weren't one problem it was another. He knew Sam may struggle recovering from everything but never expected the psychological impact of it to be so severe. He realizes how naïve he was now, how naïve he maybe always has been. The kid was fucking kidnapped . How had he expected him to have nightmares for a few weeks and then move on....what was he thinking? Kids got intensive type therapy for that kind of trauma; didn't they? Let alone the fact that Sam was captured by a Djinn that fed on fear . That means the entire time Sam was gone was spent in a constant state of absolute terror. Dean felt he could relate as he had also spent that time in a state of terror, somehow though, it doesn't seem it was the same. He could tell the trauma was weighing on Sam. He was starting to wonder if they needed to get him some meds, something, anything to ease his psychological suffering. Obviously, this wasn't the same viewpoint dad held. As soon as Sam improved physically, dad's soft caretaking persona started to fade back into the regular drill sergeant John.

Don't get him wrong, finding Sam, that was the best thing that had ever happened to Dean. The alternative was unthinkable. But now, the worry, the panic Dean had felt while Sam was missing, it had only subsided slightly. It was morphing, changing, being replaced by a different type of panic. Sam wasn't the same Sammy he was two months ago. Dean wasn't surprised the kid was struggling, but he hadn't expected him to struggle in such a dangerous way. He had expected Sam to be safe once they got him back, Dean wasn't so sure he was safe, even now. For starters, the kid wasn't fucking eating. At first, Dean encouraging Sam to eat worked well enough for him to be taking a few bites at each meal. When the encouragements stopped working, Dean resorted to pleading, which also only worked for a brief period of time. Then, Dean started fucking begging. When Dean's tearful imploring stopped working at all, dad took over, and demanded Sam to eat. Sam responded either with tears that developed into sobs, or he stayed silent, staring, unresponsive. Sam had been home for a month when dad finally took Dean aside,

“Dean, I don't know what to do about your brother.” Dad said with an air of hopelessness Dean had never seen on his father's face before. “I know it was hard for him, but he's not working with us at all. We can't send him to school like this. We can't hunt when he's like this.” Dad ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face in a gesture of frustration.

“I know dad, I'm trying. He needs time. I know he needs time. But he has to....he has to eat” Jesus fucking Christ, Dean was crying again. He tried not to do that in front of dad. The last few months, they had both been given a pass, they had both cried more than he had previously known they were either capable of, but the time of softness and understanding with dad had already come to an end. He did not want to be accused of babying Sam, of empathizing too much. Dad was a tough love kind of person. Dean felt there was a time and place for it, and it wasn't now.

“I think we should head up to Bobby's. Maybe a familiar place would help him. What do you think?” Dean looked up, surprised at this answer. Maybe dad did get the seriousness of the situation after all.

“Yes, yeah. I think that'd be good.” Sam loved staying at Bobby's. They had stayed there for various reasons for extended period of times. Usually when one of them needed time to recover, or when Sam and Dean had too young to be left on their own for long-extended period of time. Sam always enjoyed being around Bobby, looking at Bobby's collection of occult items, and reading his books. Not to mention, Bobby's new dog, Rumsfeld whom they had met during their last visit. Dean had smiled as Sam had played with the puppy, rolling around with the damn dog like he was a little kid again. It was nice to see the kid so carefree in those moments. It would be worth everything now though if Sam could find even an ounce of his old self who loved to read and play with dogs. Dean would do anything to see that again.

So, they loaded up in the Impala and they made the drive to Bobby's. Sam slept in the back seat for much of the ride. Though he was physically much improved, the exhaustion was something that hadn't let up whatsoever over the past month. When they pulled into Bobby's graveled drive way, Bobby met them outside his house with Rumsfeld on his heels. Dean turned around to wake Sammy.

“Let him sleep, Dean” Dad stopped him. It was a little out of character, but Dean was grateful. Lord knows that Sam needed the rest between all the nightmares, and pain, and lack of nutrition. Dean and dad got out of the car to greet Bobby. Dad quickly approached Bobby and shook his hand, Bobby pulled him into a tight hug. Then he turned his attention to Dean,

“Damn, kid! I figured you'd be done growing by now. But you're bigger every time I see you!”

“Hey, Bobby” Dean smiled and hugged the man.

“Where's the little man?” Bobby asked.

“He's asleep, I figure I would just carry him in, let him rest a bit. Do you have somewhere ready he can sleep?” Dad asked. Bobby nodded and frowned. He must have also noticed how unlike John this was to let Sam rest rather than forcing him to walk himself in the house. John reached into the car and pulled Sam out, still tangled in a mess of blankets. Dean watched carefully as dad did so.

“Jesus, John” Bobby exclaimed as he saw Sam's changed appearance.

“I know, I know, let's just get him inside” dad started following Bobby inside and settled Sam in one of the guest bedrooms upstairs. Bobby and Dean stayed at the kitchen table in silence as John got Sam settled into a bed. Bobby raised his head as John came downstairs to join them, then got them all out a beer. Dean was grateful, he could fucking use one.

“You told me about the Djinn and everything, but that was over a month ago. The kid looks so sick still! What's goin on?” John sighed.

“Hell, I don't know, Bobby, I really don't. I don't know what to do anymore. The kid just stopped fucking eating. He's up every night with nightmares, he barely speaks. I don't know what to do,” Dean noted his dad was coming dangerously close to tears, and honestly, he wasn't too far behind him. He felt like they had failed Sam on such a basic level. If they had found him sooner, if he had never been taken in the first place. This was such a goddamn mess. When a hunt goes wrong, anyone could pay the price for it, but it should never ever be Sam.

“Shit. Well, what the hell have you already done? What's worked, what hasn't? How can I help?” John scoffed half-heartedly.

“That's a lot of questions, bobby.”

“Well, shit John. Just tell me everything. Come on, the both of you! Start from the beginning.”

So they did, they both told Bobby everything they could remember from the whole ordeal and Sam's “recovery” afterwards. Just as they were finishing up relaying all the details to Bobby, Sam appeared, walking through the kitchen. Dean got up quickly and pulled a chair out for Sam. Sam rubbed his eyes and smiled slowly up at Bobby.

“um...h-hi. Bobby. S-sorry for sleeping'” Bobby got up immediately to pull the youngest Winchester into a meaningful hug. Dean cringed seeing Bobby's face change as he hugged Sam and felt how thin he was. Bobby's hand reached up and pet the back of Sam's head as they pulled out of the hug.

“Kid, you don't need to apologize for getting some rest. It sounds like you could use it.” Sam responded with a small, sad smile. Sam sat down at the table with the other three men. He placed his hands in his lap and kept his gaze down.

“How you feeling, Sammy?” Dean asked carefully. Sam shrugged. Dean noticed Sam was shivering slightly. He was always cold lately and never seemed to do anything about it. Sam just wasn't taking care of himself anymore.

“Sam? Son, are you cold?” Dad asked, Dean was surprised that dad had also noticed. Sam shrugged again. Bobby got up quickly and returned a moment later with a blanket. He wrapped it around Sam's shoulders, approaching Sam from behind, Sam flinched at the movement. Bobby shared a meaningful and puzzled look with Dean and John. Bobby rubbed Sam's shoulder slightly.

“Thanks” Sam whispered. He gripped the blanket around himself, hunching down. Dean glanced over at Bobby, who had a rather bewildered expression on his face. He cleared his throat.

“Well, boys....I did make chili for you three. Who wants a bowl?”

“Wow! Thanks Bobby! Sounds great. Sam and I will take one,” Dean offered. Sam glanced up.

“I'm not very hungry. Thanks though, Bobby” Again with the small, sad smile. Dean had figured this wouldn't work. It was worth a try though.

“Sam, Bobby made you food. Eat it.” John added oh so helpfully.

“ok” Sam said softly. Bobby smiled at him and placed a bowl in front of Sam. He picked at the bowl as all four of them sat at the table. Dean was at a point where he was considering going on a hunger strike with Sam. Maybe Sam would eat if he knew that Dean would only eat when Sam did? Somehow this tactic felt toxic, manipulative, unhealthy, but damn....Dean was freaking out here. He was running out of options. All the other shit they could deal with in time . But Sam had to eat. He had to eat now .

When everyone had finished eating and Sam had taken a couple of bites, which Dean was very happy about, honestly- Bobby addressed Dean and John.

“Would you two mind feeding Rumsfeld outside? I wanted to spend some time catching up with Sam if that's okay,” John and Dean nodded at Bobby and left the room. Sam caught Dean's eye and gave him a tight, disingenuous smile.

Dean followed John outside. John gave an exhausted sigh.

“Do you think this is going to work, Dean?”

“Yeah, yeah. Bobby will fix him up, dad. You know he will.” It was true, whenever they ran out of options in any situation, Bobby always came through. John nodded. Dean appreciated it when dad spoke to him like a co-parent instead of a subordinate. He knew it was hard for dad to accept how much of an influence Dean has had in raising Sam. But it was true whether he wanted to accept it or not. Dean was as much a parent to Sam as John was, and now wasn't the time to let his pride get in the way of acknowledging that. They sat in silence, watching Rumsfeld roll around in the dirt. Dean played fetch for a while with the pup. Rumsfeld had grown a lot since they had last seen him, they all had. The dog barely looked like the tiny puppy that Sam had fallen in love with, he was like Sam in that way; Sam was also hardly recognizable. He knew as soon as Rumsfeld was permitted to be around Sam, the dog would manage to recognize him quickly though, surely he would shower him in love. Hopefully it would raise Sam's spirits. If it didn't, he's not sure what possibly could. He felt stupid for putting so much hope and pressure on a fucking dog, but this is where he was at.

It was over an hour later when Bobby emerged from the home without Sam. He looked worn out, worried. He approached the two elder Winchesters.

“Well?” John asked. Bobby sighed.

“You're right. The kid isn't okay.”

“Duh, Bobby. What do we do?” Dean asked. He didn't mean to be rude, but come on.

“John, we've both served in the military, been to war, right?”

“And?”

“We've talked about it before, what it was like coming back home after that. How many good men we knew who struggled. We also both know how dealing with the evil supernatural shit is different from that- it's harder, stranger. You agree?”

“Where are you going with this, Singer?”

“I think Sam has PTSD. I think he needs some professional help, John.”

“You think he's crazy?” Dean asked. What was Bobby trying to say? John glanced over at Dean before responding,

“No, that's not what he's saying,”

“Come on, Dean. Give me a little credit. I love the kid too.” Bobby responded. John sighed again, more heavily and sat down on the steps at the porch and ducked his head down beneath his elbows.

“I was afraid of that. I don't want him to be goin through that. I guess, I just wanted to believe he'd turn a corner any minute.”

“I know, John, but he ain't. I know somebody who can come see him here. Do you want me to call them?” John nodded solemnly. Dean was confused, shocked. He wanted to check on Sam. Dean left the two older men to finish the conversation and rushed inside. He found Sam still sitting at the kitchen table, but his head was laying on his arms, his eyes closed.

“Sammy?” Sam jumped dramatically and yelled something unintelligible. Dean rushed to him. He pulled Sam close to him and held him tight. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry.” And then Sam was crying again, Sobs heaving, breathless. “I'm so sorry, Sammy. I'm sorry this all happened. How can I help? How can I help?” they were both crying. Dean led Sam over to the couch. Sam leaned up against him, still shaking and crying, he fell asleep again shortly, exhausted. Dean rubbed Sam's shoulders and kissed his head. He didn't care how fucking girly and emotional he was being. He'd do anything if it made Sam feel better.

Later that evening, Sam and Rumsfeld came face to face. Sam smiled a genuine smile for the first time in months. He looked up at Bobby, Dean could see tears shining in his eyes, “He's so big now, Bobby.” Sam stated evenly.

“Yeah, damn thing eating me out of house and home” Bobby acknowledged. Rumsfeld jumped up next to Sam and crawled into his lap. Sam petted him, a look of contentment on his face.

“Sam, listen. I called one of my contacts, and they know a lot about the kind of stuff you're going through right now. They said they'd be happy to come talk to you while you're here and help you through some of it.” Dean admired Bobby's approach, Sam would have definitely said “no” to therapy. Sam shrugged, still petting Rumsfeld.

And that's how Sam, Dean, and John ended up spending 2 months at Bobby's house. A therapist, Nancy came to the home to speak with Sam multiple times a week. Sam wasn't stupid, he had to have caught on to what these private sessions were. And over the next few weeks, Sam slowly started to talk more. He smiled more, he began to fucking eat more. Thank god. Dean hadn't had much interaction with Nancy, but he fucking loved the woman, the improvements in Sam's health were enough to make him want to fucking propose to her, he didn't though.

By the end of the first month, Dean was catching glimpses of the old Sam. One day he even caught Sam playing with Rumsfeld in the dirt of the junkyard, literally fucking giggling. Dean had been so scared he would never hear the sound again, and here he was witnessing it live, in person. The thick air that had been surrounding him since Sam's disappearance was now finally starting to thin.

Dean came downstairs one morning and found Sam already eating breakfast. He couldn't help but smile. Sam's color was almost back to normal.

“Hey, Sammy! How'd you sleep?”

“hey, not bad. Just one nightmare, but I was able to go back to sleep,”

“That's great!”

“yeah, Nancy taught me how to calm down and relax after I have a nightmare. It's nice to not wake up screaming anymore.”

“I'll say!” Dean ruffled Sam's hair. “Look at you, Sam. A regular Dalai Lama!”

“That doesn't even make sense, Dean. And it's honestly a little offensive.” Dean couldn't help but smile broadly. There he was. There was his geeky little brother.

“Whatever, geek.” Dean sat across from Sam and tried to hide his smile as they ate together.

By the time John had decided it was time to leave, they had all gotten to know Nancy pretty well. She insisted on a family meeting with the two elder Winchesters to give them some psychoeducation on how to continue to support Sam and how his trauma may continue to manifest. Dean was grateful for the education. He knew nothing.

Sam took a long time saying goodbye to Rumsfeld once they were all packed up and ready to hit the road. Nancy had shown up to also wish the family well and say her goodbyes to Sam. Dean noticed tears running down Sam's face as he said goodbye to Bobby and thanked him for all of his help. Honestly, Dean was trying to combat his own set of tears, he wouldn't be surprised if dad was emotional too. He looked over at dad though and saw no sign of emotions in his eyes, he held a steady, schooled expression. Finally, the three Winchesters thanked Nancy.

“It was my pleasure, honestly. You've done so well, Sam. I am so proud of you. I hope you'll keep in touch. And don't be afraid to call me if you need anything.” She smiled at him and he gave her a brief hug.

As the Winchester's drove away, Bobby and Nancy waving in the drive way, Rumsfeld took off after the Impala.

“Damn dog!” Bobby exclaimed, and ran after Rumsfeld to make sure he didn't follow the Impala onto the road.

Nancy laughed, watching the car disappear, Bobby and Rumsfeld closely behind. As the dust from the Impala began to settle, her eyes flashed yellow.