#if you’re the person who replied to my earlier post - this is not meant to disagree with you.

[impossibledial]

i hate the idea that being with the doctor made clara “lose her humanity”. she may have become more or less desensitized to death but she was still the kindhearted woman the doctor met in series 7. she always put others before herself, the only difference is the stakes got higher in series 8/9. the doctor didn’t “corrupt” her, he just made her believe she was invincible.

she convinces the doctor to “save the day” in every one of her series since she stopped him from destroying gallifrey in day of the doctor.

in series 8, she makes the doctor realize that earth is his home and it’s his duty to help protect it when it’s in danger. in series 9, clara stops the doctor from destroying the universe just to bring her back.

clara was never a selfish character. even when she lies to danny, she says it’s for *his* own good and i think she truly believes that - she just doesn’t realize she’s lying to herself too. much of series 8 is clara denying herself what she truly wants due to expectations she puts upon herself.

part of this is because she knows what to expect from a routine life, routine job, and a normal boyfriend but she doesn’t know what to expect when she’s with the doctor. it’s enticing like an addiction as clara puts it.

unlike other companions, clara is wholly aware of the risks of being with the doctor. she won’t let herself drop everything on a moments notice to fly off with him because she knows there’s a chance she won’t make it home for dinner. she tells him that they will only travel together on wednesdays. she doesn’t stand for the doctor putting her in danger without her knowledge. she doesn’t stand for the doctor treating her as if she’s second fiddle to him.

unlike other companions, clara knows that being with doctor can’t last forever.

one of clara’s greatest lines is, “nobody’s ever safe…tomorrow’s promised to no one doctor but i insist upon my past. i am entitled to it. it’s mine.”

and much of series 7/8 is clara putting distance between her and the doctor to keep herself safe - not just physically but emotionally too. falling in love with the doctor has the ability to wreck her. considering her reaction to eleven’s regeneration, it’s no wonder she put even more of distance between them in series 8.

she’s trying to move on and she gets herself a boyfriend. of course, twelve makes this difficult even though he’s doing his best to do the same thing she is. if they don’t put a label on what they feel for each other, they can just as easily pretend it isn’t there. clara can pretend that she isn’t hurting danny when she lies to him about where she’s been. the doctor can act like seeing clara with a new boyfriend doesn’t hurt him deeply.

the central conflict between clara and the doctor in series 8 is miscommunication not corruption. clara wants to believe that the doctor makes her worse just as the doctor does because that’s easier than admitting that they make each other better. it’s easier to think they were better off when inevitably one of them gets left behind.

their dynamic is interesting because of the role reversal.

for once, the doctor is the one forced to deny his feelings. the doctor has to wait (until wednesday) to see clara. the doctor forgets that this thing between them can’t last. the doctor is the one risking the universe for the person they love.

[roseykat]

TITLE: Venom Biter

PAIRING: Minho x reader

SUMMARY: The end of a relationship between you and Minho turns as sour as it could ever get. A lovers to enemies trope.

WARNING: minors DNI with this post or my blog. I create NSFW SKZ related content and I know I won't be able to regulate every single interaction with those posts so please do not engage with my work or page whatsoever.

TAGS: breakups, hate sex, post-breakup sex, unprotected sex, swearing, angst, manhandling, push and shove, spitting, choking, oral sex (f!reader receiving), angst, strong hints of degradation, use of degrading names such as 'slut' and 'whore'.

A/N: this was originally meant to be for one of the days I had planned for Kinktober but I was up to my neck in work and I didn't want to post something sort of half-assed so I had to hone down on most of the work for this piece.

MASTERLIST

“Broke up?” Chan’s eyes refuse to blink. “You two broke up!?”

His confused filled stare shoots for the direction of his best friend, Minho, who quietly sits opposite him across the table. He looks slightly withdrawn or…off colour. It can’t have been the gruelling two hour lecture they finished before heading out to lunch. If it were that, Minho would be complaining his head off saying how boring it was or cursing himself for not changing his minor earlier. 

He’s just not his usual self. In other social settings, he could talk until the cows came home. But the entire hour that they’ve spent together at lunch, Chan has been doing all the conversing and only receiving vague one-word answers. It wasn’t until he asked what was up with Minho that his friend dished out the news that he and his girlfriend - you, had split up.

“Why?” Chan proceeds, still swimming in shock.

A sigh leaves Minho’s mouth. He truly doesn’t feel like revisiting this subject. When he even thinks about the answer, all he can recall is the firey shouting match you both had the day things crumbled. 

“It’s messy,” he replies with a cloudy and ambiguous answer. 

“If you talk about it, then it might help you make sense of it all.”

He groans this time, “I really, really don’t want to do that. What’s done is done.” 

“Done?” Chan questions, still not letting up on an interrogation. “You were in a relationship with Y/N, for years. You guys talked about a whole future together. That’s not something you just sweep under the rug and forget about.”

If there’s one thing he almost did forget about, it’s that you were friends with him - not just Chan, but the seven others as well. After all, it was Minho who introduced you to those select people whom he calls his brothers. They would’ve found out eventually if Minho refrained from telling them who you were dating all those years ago.

Though naturally, you became very close with them. 

“We’ve both chosen to do that so there’s nothing really much left to dispute.”

Chan’s eyebrows furrow, realising he left out a crucial question to the situation, “why did you guys break up in the first place?”

Minho feels like he’s going to run out of sighs, “she doesn’t love me anymore and I don’t love her anymore. That’s literally all there is to it.” 

“You’re telling me you both fell out of love - at the same time,” Chan responds, still having a difficult time trying to comprehend his friend's situation.

“Pretty much,” Minho confirms with a nod. 

Chan finds that extremely hard to believe from his friend - the very person who would enter a different realm whenever he was in a five centimetre radius of you. His eyes would glaze over as if he were possessed; always fixated on you, he’d smile more than he usually would, and was comfortable in the space around you. 

There had to be another reason, surely. 

But it had almost been three weeks since Chan dissected the news out of Minho, and it was almost like pulling teeth trying to dive for the details. Each attempt was as fruitless as the next and in the end, Chan just plucked the same answers.

Regardless, it seemed to play out better than expected. Minho saved himself from having to dish out explanations as to why you wouldn’t be around anymore. As a result, telling Chan was the best option and since the others didn’t know, Minho was okay with him telling them so that he didn’t have to. 

In saying that, Minho left out very central details of what happened leading up to the breakup. He never mentioned the constant fighting, the lying, the false accusations, the shouting matches, up until the point where you were both swimming in the toxicity the pair of you created. 

He also absconded from the fact to Chan that not only did you both separate, but you’ve also both come to view the other differently and not through a good lens. Minho shouted it in your face the other day to which you did the same; “I hate you.” And that was that.

But his friends probably didn’t need to know all of that. 

Since that day, you’ve been in the process of trying to find an apartment for yourself which isn’t easy. You want to remain in town and not too far out so that you don’t have a long commute to work, and at the same time, you don't want to break the bank trying to find a nice place to rent in the city. All in all, it was tough, but you were ready to just leave. 

Having packed up the majority of your stuff in boxes, all you had to do was wait for landlords to contact you back about possible vacant apartments. Thankfully Minho was lenient in allowing you to stay until you found a place. 

You slept in the spare room, mainly keeping to yourself and the boxes of things surrounding the space. Occasionally you would have to lock yourself in there and throw on some noise-cancelling headphones whenever Minho brought around another woman to sleep with.

It was his house, you knew that and now that you have no ties to him and he’s letting you stay, it was never your place to question his actions. 

Still, that could never lessen the hurt. It was painful which is why you hated him so much. You don’t know how a person could move on so quickly after so many years of being told how much you’re loved. It was like he never meant it. With that being said, when you eventually managed to find a decent place, you were free from Minho. 

All of your items were ready to be moved out, taking a couple of days to actually get them to your new place. In the tiring process, you also had to factor in your work schedule which meant it would take longer to continue moving your stuff. Nonetheless, you had the majority of your boxes out of Minho's house with only a few remaining that you needed to swing by and pick up.

"Something wrong?" he wears a blank look on his face when you arrive on the doorstep to his house.

"Some of my stuff is still here, can I come in to grab it please?" You ask politely. He gives a silent answer in return by opening his door wider for you to walk in before he goes back to whatever it was he was doing.

You make your way into the spare room where the last of your things remain, but there is one odd detail you notice as you approach the items. What was supposed to be taped down lids to the boxes had in fact been opened; not in the state you had originally left it in. 

"Minho," you call out, hoping he heard you.

Sure enough, he did. Minho walks into the spare room with a puzzled expression, wondering why he's been summoned, "what?"

“Why are these open?” You ask, lifting one box off of the other to check if the rest were open as well. “Half of my stuff isn’t in here.”  

“You were coming back for those?” he replies with a question. 

“What the hell else would I be coming back here for?” 

“That's what I thought when you got here,” he says. “I thought it was for other things that you left behind, not ones in these boxes."

Your eyes never leave his face, tracking any sudden shifts in his muscles to try to figure out if he’s actually telling the truth or not. Even though you and Minho aren’t together, you're sure he wouldn't do anything malicious out of spite.

“So why is half my stuff missing?” 

Minho pinches the bridge of his nose, “I thought you didn’t need any of it and that you left it here on purpose for me to deal with or throw out.” 

“So what…” you trail off, expecting his answer. Minho hesitates for a few moments, sitting on the fence about whether he should actually tell you or not. But the least he can do right now is be honest. 

“I told the…girl I bought around the other day that if she wanted anything-“ 

“No you fucking didn’t.” 

“-she could have whatever was left in the boxes,” Minho finishes the rest of his sentence which would’ve been better for you not to hear. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you for leaving them behind in the first place!” Minho argues back, trying to defend himself here even though he knows he’s in the wrong. “You were gone for a few days Y/N, I thought you just left!” 

“I never left them behind! I told you how long it was going to take my things to move!” You shout at him, tears brimming your eyes. “Now my stuff…”

The hurt genuinely sets in. Minho feels a sharp stab of pain in his chest when he sees how visibly upset you are. He knows that he’s been nothing short of a dickhead within the past month and now he’s gone and made things worse. It’s no point in him now to say that it was an honest mistake.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, truly.”

You shove him backwards into the dresser, knocking down some of the empty photo frames that were once homes for pictures of you and Minho, “you’re not sorry. You’re the fucking worst.”

Taken aback by your actions, Minho turns behind him to see the frames flat on the surface then looks back at you, “seriously Y/N, I would not have done that out of spite.”

“But it’s the fact that you still did it!” You raise your voice at him and shove him back again. “You didn’t bother calling or texting me about it when you should’ve!” 

Minho predicts your next move and catches your arms to stop you from pushing him back impossibly further into the dresser. He shoves you back, the back of your knees hitting the edge of the bed which causes you to land on it behind you.

Before the surprise kicks in, Minho is kneeling on top of you, nearly straddling your lower half as he starts pinning your arms to the side of your head. Yet with a split second of momentum to break free, you struggle but manage to flip the tables and pin Minho on his back. 

You mount his hips before your mouth comes down to kiss Minho so aggressively that it takes him a moment to react. With any other woman that he’s slept with so far, he would allow them to be on top. But because it’s you, and supposedly hates your guts, not to mention his untapped pride, it’s not going to happen. So Minho fights back, kissing and biting nearly every part of your upper body in the process until you’re under him. 

He sucks large, deep, red hickies into the skin of your neck, in places where everyone would be able to see them. Minho would want people to know that you’re just a whore he uses. Especially for the next guy you sleep with who would go down on you and see the myriad of hickies that Minho would eventually put between your thighs when he rips your pants down. 

“Wanna play this fucking game with me,” he rasps before yanking down your off. 

Despite being a dickhead Minho will still eat you out for prep. But it’s not soft and teasing when he does go down on you. It’s tongue and finger fucking you until you’re dizzy from how hard you’re about to cum. It gives you the opportunity to pull and tug on his hair until his scalp starts burning, forcing you to be as vocal as you’ve ever been. 

His fingers curl up into that sensitive spot while his tongue and mouth work simultaneously. He’s always been good at giving head, but unusually better now that he’s relatively angry. In the back of your mind, you supposed it helped having not slept with anyone for a month, making it easier to reach that peak of delicious, eye-rolling ecstasy. 

“Fuck!” you scream out, voice projecting throughout the room as Minho sucks on your clit. “Fuck you…you’re gonna make me cum.” 

Those words are something Minho could never get tired of hearing you say. Even in the headspace that he’s in now, he wants nothing more than to hear how good he’s making your body feel. However, he doesn’t need verbal confirmation from you to know that you’re about to cum. When your walls seize and clamp around his fingers, when you’re trembling around his head, Minho knows what that means. 

The quick drag of his fingers is only light work for him, pumping at a pace that has you panting to try and keep up with it. As a result, it’s not long before Minho brings you to your sweet release; a toe-curling burst of euphoria that has you silently creaming around his fingers. 

He has no patience for you to descend from your orgasm, sucking his fingers clean as he pulls away from your pussy. He gets to unbuckling his belt faster than he can even comprehend that this is still happening. 

“H-Hurry,” you whine, trying to quell the hunger for Minho’s cock while you wait.

His eyes squeeze shut, hissing as he coats his length with your slick, “shut the fuck up.”

Despite being in a haze post-orgasm, you manage to sit up quickly to turn and push Minho down by his shoulders. You find yourself straddling his hips once more, reaching down and behind for his cock, aligning it with your hole. Minho allows you to work for it yourself, watching his cock vanish by the second as you sink down. 

“Mmm…f-fuck,,” you whine, unable to come to grips with how much you miss him filling you out. 

Taking a couple of slow strokes up and down allows you to realise that never in your wildest dreams could you ever imagine hate sex with Minho would be this…rough. Both of you pushing, shoving, and manhandling each other around, speaking to each other with such disregard for the other person's feelings – beyond the point of degradation.

“Come on,” Minho grunts, fingernails embedding themselves into your hips so that the indents remaining become as equally as vibrant as the hickies blooming on your neck. 

You look down at him with disgust before your hand lowers to his throat, choking him out by the sides of his neck. That familiar feeling of restriction to Minho forces him to repress his sick enjoyment of it, even more so when you start really riding him. 

“Fuck you,” you strain out, trying to assert some degree of control even though you’re battling with oversensitivity from your previous orgasm. 

You slam your hips down repeatedly, building up a good pace and rhythm that’s enough for small moans to force their way out of your mouth. With a cock like Minho’s, it’s impossible to keep quiet no matter how much you try. However, as you work for your own orgasm, you don’t want to give him any satisfaction by making him think that he’s the one doing it; yet in reality, he is. 

Nonetheless, you continue to use him just as much as he’s using you until the luxury of pleasure accelerates in the pit of your stomach. In saying that, it doesn’t take long for Minho to find that information out as you continue to ride him. The observation is clear-cut;

“Nobody’s fucked you since me haven’t they?” He asks you breathlessly, watching you roll your hips deliciously over his cock. “Know how I can tell? Because you keep fucking clenching around my dick.”

Your eyebrows furrow, struggling to find an answer for him because he is right and that’s not your fault, “s-so what? Want me to stop?” 

“Didn’t say that, did I?” He argues back, too proud to say ‘no’. “Just…just keep moving.”

A firm hand of yours catches his taut jaw, and while his mouth is open, you lean down and spit right in it. 

You curse right at him, “fuck you.” 

His eyes lock with yours and for a moment, Minho is shocked, but not in a bad way. In that moment you despised him so much that he made you do something a normal person would find disgusting. Although it’s not long before a sick smirk spreads across his face, failing to pretend as if he didn’t just enjoy that, swallowing it back. 

“Course you’d be into that you fucking whore,” he rasps, his body jolting every time your hips slam down. 

“I’m not the whore who’s taking it,” you snipe back at him. 

Your comment riles Minho, resulting in him nearly bucking you off his body before flipping you onto your stomach. He yanks both of your hands behind your back as something for him to latch onto when he pushes his cock back into you, and starts fucking hard and fast. 

“Yes, yes, yes, fuck…” you whimper, eyes fluttering shut. 

The new angle makes his dick slip in just that extra bit deeper, achieving a sensation which you miss all too much. With the amount of relentlessness that Minho puts behind his thrusts is nothing but a fast, brutal, and unforgiving type of fucking. He’s not holding back with you, no matter how much you hate him and he hates you, he will fuck you to tears.

“Such a fucking slut,” he drives forward nastily. “Needy, loud, slut.” 

Your choked moans and whimpers are typical responses to hearing him call you that name again. In bed, if you weren’t his lover, you were his slut. Minho wouldn’t care less if the bed broke beneath him trying to fuck you like the whore you always wanted him to treat you as. But it was phenomenal.  

Now, that’s only a distant memory clawing to come back. 

“Make me cum…make me fucking cum,” you demand, acknowledging how close you are to the cliff of ecstasy.

Minho's breathing picks up from hearing the pure desperation in your voice, and so does his pace. His only release is not but a minute away, respecting that and also his motive to continue rearranging your guts. 

Yet the possibility of keeping up any longer draws to a short term. Minho’s hold on your wrists behind your back becomes a solid death grip with no chance of escape until the wet heat from your pussy has his hips jumping out of rhythm. 

His head tilts to the sky, the pleasure screaming at him from the base of his cock, “y-yes, fuck I'm cumming.”

At that very instant, Minho’s release rocks him over. His hands let go of yours in lieu of grabbing onto your ass instead. The pain and sting of his fingernails scraping deep into your flash forces strained whimpers and mewls from your throat, helping to push you over the verge of your second orgasm. 

“Y-Yes, cumming, oh fuck-” you cry out with a shaky voice, stiffening while your hole seizes rhythmically around Minho’s length. 

The pleasure is throat-gripping, making you forget the words to express how good you feel. Except, in the vapour of your orgasmic haze, you still don't want to accept the fact that it's Minho who makes you feel that way.

He pauses for a moment then thrusts hard back into you, making you keep the warm load that you were so undeservingly given, regardless if your walls are spasming and contracting it out. Then just as he was fast to try to get inside you, he's just as fast when he pulls out and flops beside you.

The air in the room becomes breathable again now that your heart rate isn't racing to the heavens, but picks back up quickly when you decide to hop off the bed and get dressed. You couldn't care less if you were sore and unbalanced. The thought of staying in the room with Minho any longer was suffocating.

“About your stuff,” he starts, filling the silent void with an exasperated voice. “I’ll try to get it back.” 

You zip your jeans up, “don’t bother. I know you did give it away for whatever reason, but for what reason is something I’m betting you’ll take to the grave with you.” 

Minho is up and now following suit by putting his clothes on. If now is the time to get one thing off of his chest, it’s now. Since the day you both separated, there has been no proper conversation. Both of you are too stubborn to admit wrongs and fix rights, but in your eyes, it's too far gone. There’s no going back to a good thing that was once more. 

"I won't if we can just talk it out," he offers the opportunity to you.

“Minho, the nights that I had to listen to you fuck someone else in the next room right after we just broke up was a clear sign that we did not need to talk it out. All it made me do is realise that you didn't actually love me."

“That’s not true,” he shakes his head as you hear a twinge of desperation in his voice like he's pleading his case. "That's not true at all."

"It is though," you correct him. "You were free to sleep with whoever you wanted to because we had broken up at that point, but not a day after that did you wait."

Minho follows through with his explanation, “I was trying to get you out of my head. Spending too long just thinking about you makes me want to lose it. It didn't mean that I never loved you before."

“So you’re just going to continue being delusional? To fuck your way through trying to forget me?” You question, nearly laughing. "I honestly think you're just being pathetic."

He shrugs, “if it means that I don’t have to feel heartbreak, then yes.”

Part of you gets it. Minho’s found a vice and is using it as a tool to deal with his pain. But you’re in pain too, and you haven’t done anything to upset him ever since you split. Maybe it is as bad for him as he says it is. Maybe he doesn’t truly know how to navigate himself out of this like you’re attempting to.

It’s almost a rebuttal to your statement about whether he truly loved you or not; if he’s using other people to drive the thought of you out of his brain because it’s too painful to deal with, then maybe you were more than just a lover to him. 

"I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I cannot stand being around you anymore because of how much it hurts to know that you're not actually with me. I'd rather try to forget your existence in order to not feel that type of heartbreak," Minho explains, his words coming from a place inside him that must've just opened up.

But he continues, "the second we split, I needed every last memory of you out of this house. But I know that this hurts you too and that this past month I’ve hurt you and that’s no justification to say that my reason is because you mean more than my entire life.”

There’s an ache in your chest that you’ve never felt before, a blend of all the emotional pain that could’ve been prevented had the two of you just talked. But that ache is fuelled by the fact that you can hear the waiver in Minho’s voice, and even though his back is still turned to you while he sits on the edge of the bed, you’re sure he’s crying.

-

A/N: Dare I say that I want to make a part 2 to this where Minho and reader try to rekindle, things are pretty tender but they sort of want to make it work...

[irisintheafterglow]

Hi, first of all I would like to say that your blog gives me so much comfort. You seem like such a loving and kind person and I love to read your writing. I adore the co-parenting series and am honestly looking forward to reading more parts <3 (no pressure tho, just wanted to say that I love it)

Actually, I wanted to make a request. The song 'Deep Sea' by 'Snail Mail' has been stuck in my head for weeks, the lyrics kill me every time and I could imagine some heartbreaking angst based on the song. I saw that you don’t write reader or character deaths and it doesn’t have to be that. Maybe a breakup or something like that, it’s really up to you and up to whatever the song might inspire you to write. For the pairing I love Gojo and also Getou or Choso, but I just want you to write whoever you like! 🤪

I had the idea for that request earlier today and made a post about it (that I have since deleted) because you came to my mind and I just really wanted to try my luck and ask you if you would maybe like to write about it 💞

Hope you’re having a great day, thank you <3

it took so long to know someone like you (gojo x you)

cw: breakup, chest-aching angst, swearing, emotionally constipated satoru where he doesn't know how to be vulnerable with someone so his first instinct is to push them away :))))))))))

note: HI!!! thank you for the love, i'm so sorry that this is so late, hopefully you still like it. pro tip, listen to travis atreo's cover of "when she loved me" along with the song mentioned to make reading this extra painful. again, thank you for the love and the ask. i hope you like this!!!

likes, reblogs, and replies are always appreciated <3

"don't look at me like that."

"if you don't like it, stop looking," you laugh humorlessly, feeling your heart twist like a wet rag with every shallow breath. "you just told me you don't want me; i think it's valid i can look however i want." your voice breaks off at the end of the sentence and you blink at the darkening clouds above. a storm was coming, but you felt like one had already devastated you.

"that-that's not what i meant," he says through gritted teeth, avoiding your glaring eyes in shame. "i just need a break. is that so bad?" every word felt like a separate cut to your soul and you were slowly bleeding out in the fucking mall parking lot.

"but, why? i'm just not good enough for you?" you practically spit your questions like snake venom. you hoped they stung, hoped the burned into his memory like his promises that he'd give you a future. high and mighty gojo satoru, reduced to a puddle in your arms and vowing that he was yours forever. pathetic. "finally got tired of me, is that it?"

"no," he croaked. "no, no. i just-i don't know who i am when i'm with you." the sky was falling and you hoped the ground crumbled beneath your muddy shoes. "and, that scares me."

"you don't like who you are when you're with me," you echo hollowly, taking a shaky breath and pulling your jacket closer to your body like a safety blanket. "that's really a shame, since i really liked how you were with me," you huff another painfully mirthless laugh that turns into a sob. on instinct, he reaches out to touch you but you pull away like he was radioactive waste. "making all those lofty promises, letting me think that i was your forever and eternity and everything after that. you're really an asshole for that one, you know that?"

"i never said anything like that," he protests even though you know damn well that he's lying. raindrops start to catch on his hair, making it glisten like he was sent from heaven. too bad his words didn't match. "even if i said those things, i can't guarantee i actually meant it, so i'm sorry."

ouch.

"you're sorry? you're sorry?" you have to take a step backward or else you'd have actually slammed your knuckles against his infuriatingly perfect cheek. "gee, thanks! i'll remember that next time anyone says they love me," you hiss and relish in the way he flinches. "they could just be kidding, after all, right? stupid me." it took so long to finally get through to him, to stand steady enough that he let down his walls, and suddenly he was throwing them up again and shutting you out.

if you were completely honest and without your stubborn pride, you'd admit that you understood what he was talking about. it was a little lonely being with him, especially when you didn't have any more time for self-discovery without worrying about another human being. you lost track of time when you were with him and lost a little bit of yourself, too, and you weren't sure if he was adequately filling that emptiness. you had no idea how to discuss it, let alone navigate it, and it struck a crack that only grew larger. neither of you knew how to cope with this, it seemed, and that's how you ended up sobbing on the asphalt in front of the man you believed you were going to marry.

"don't you wonder who we could be without each other? we could be anyone," he insists but nothing gets through to you.

"i don't know who i am without you, satoru," you whisper defeatedly and it's like you can hear his heart start to crumble. he did this to you, and you watched him realize it in real-time. he didn't know what he was saying anymore. he felt too far deep in that he didn't remember why he was asking for a break in the first place. all that he knew was that he was hurting you and every nerve in his body screamed at him to fix it, fix it, fix it. you sigh tiredly, shivering in the cold sheets of water that were starting to fall. "look, if you need time, then take it. take all that you need."

"but-"

"no. i can't do this to myself if you won't even try anymore. goodbye satoru. a stupid part of me still loves you." as you slip into your car and accelerate away from him, he doesn't have the chance to say it back.

to tell you that the stupid whole of him still loved you, too.

if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee on my ko-fi! you can also check out my full masterlist here :)

[ask-shane]

Hi, I am the anon that said i send mean asks on purpose. I just wanted to make a clarification and a formal apology and then i will stop interacting with this blog.

I need to clarify that by mean asks i meant things like saying shane has no bitches, or that he uses 738283837 in 1 shampoo. I never sent any slurs or genuine insults to this blog, and on top of mean things i also send nice things. I should've specified that the asks I sent were teasing and not genuine mean things.

I sincerely apologize for saying what I said. I had no idea the extent of the awful things people sent you and the fact that I could make you feel like i intentionally try yo make you feel bad and ruin your day with slurs and insults litterally made me shiver and feel anxious in real life. I fully understand how what i sent was harmful and damaging to someone who has to deal with toxicity on a daily basis.

I feel a lot of shame for what I did, this blog is something i check daily because i love your writing and i Love this character. I don't need you to unblock me if its even possible, i just wanted to apologize and wish you well

hi anon, mod dawn speaking. i’m gonna be talking directly to this person so please feel free to skip this if you aren’t them

i just wanted to start by addressing a couple things. firstly, thank you for apologizing so sincerely and honestly. i can tell how genuine this is and i’m certain it was a very brave decision after i put you on the spot earlier. i’ve deleted the post replying to your ask out of respect for this situation.

and for that, i am extremely sorry. i’m speaking to you with recognition that there is a person who is going to be reading this. i should’ve been more aware that i was putting you on blast in front of a lot of people. even if you were on anonymous, i can’t imagine how anxiety-inducing it was to be reading my response when you actually meant to be playful/teasing.

another thing i need to clarify here was that i did not realize that you were not the one sending me death threats and slurs. i had received a barrage of messages at the same time and had wrongly assumed the others were coming from you as well. it all happened at once, and the context of you sending that ask was shockingly related to the vile ones i received. your asks were not at all on the same level of “bad” the ones you didn’t send were.

unfortunately i had no way of telling which ones belonged to you and which ones didn’t, so i decided to address them using your ask. i made the mistake of incorrectly conflating your ask with the others.

that out of the way, i am so sorry once again, and also very thankful you apologized. please know there’s absolutely no need to feel shame for this.

i want to make it clear now that teasing (and even being somewhat mean) asks on my blog are okay. it’s fun to be provocative! there’s an art to it that i can appreciate, especially here, where shane gets glazed a lot. it is really awful that my guard happened to be high when you sent this because of what another actually unacceptable anon did. you shouldn’t be lumped in with them and i am so sorry i couldn’t discern your intention. i should also use this as an opportunity to say you have a good heart. i love that you can be playful and i thought a lot of what you said was actually quite funny. i didn’t intend to make you feel anxious or responsible for what other people did, but regardless, i did so, and it wasn’t fair of me to do to you.

lastly, thank you for interacting with my blog. now that we’ve cleared things up, i want to personally say to you that it is more than okay to continue to interact with my blog. i can appreciate a presence like yours around here. i’ll figure out a way to make sure you’re able to continue interacting (if you’d like to, of course). i am so glad you enjoy my writing and my portrayal of the character and it is honestly heartbreaking to hear i may have spoiled this experience for you. i have no negative feelings toward you whatsoever— if anything, i respect your ability to communicate with me after this (even though i’m sure it would’ve been much easier to block me and try to forget this happened)

i hope you are reading this.. i wish you nothing but the best 🤍

- dawn

[dissociativediscourse]

Since I got blocked by someone for no reason after trying to explain it earlier, thought I’d make a little post to clear this up, complete with sources! CDD is not a term meant to cover all dissociative disorders (Hence, “Complex”. It’s meant to distinguish DID et al. from things like DP/DR, dissociative fugue, standalone dissociative amnesia… et cet.) , and spitting vitriol at people who use that term for no reason is distasteful and shows that you don’t actually desire to fight misinformation, but instead to impose your fight response onto innocent bystanders. Don’t worry, I’ve been there, too. Trauma responses suck. It still makes you an asshole, though, just as much as I was one when I would do the same.

(A note, this user is not one I had seen in syscourse before today, and I was planning on this being just… Me dropping in, ignoring the rest of the vitriol, and maybe leaving behind a morsel of positive vibes and a tad bit of corrected misinfo without actually being combative about it. Another note, dear fuck, was it a lot of hatred and vitriol. This was on an opinion post about how one person believed that endos are inherently ableist, and I guess someone used the term CDD in the comments, which led the same user as well as another user to pull out all this (very rudely worded, might I add) mishegas about ‘don’t refer to me with your new terms!! i am a DID system not a CDD system!!’ and then ‘yadda yadda, CDDs are all dissociative disorders and don’t mean just the system ones yadda yadda.’ This ticked me off a little. Directing that kind of behavior at other people is unacceptable, especially considering you’re not even correct!! So I left a warm-spirited comment something along the lines of “Just so you know, CDD does just mean DID/OSDD! It can be muddied up and confusing sometimes, but it is used at least colloquially among specialists/professionals, and is referenced in some clinical research and peer reviewed writings as well. It’s really just shorthand that’s more succinct!” And when I replied a second time with some sources to help out (no room in the first comment), to my surprise… Blocked! So… Lmao. Here we are, I already had all these sources ready, so why not. Also, if you see this, person I will not name, try to think about why you are so reluctant to accept new information that does not fit your worldview, and why you have to be so… Nasty? About it. I get you’re young and you’re traumatized, just like most of us. You’ve got to learn how to work with others in a productive way. You’ve got to learn how to mitigate that vitriol. It’s not healthy for you, and I promise you you will regret it later on. Sooner than you’d think. I know I very much regret the way I used to behave.)

Very clear on the definition, also a very useful read in general: https://bmcpsychiatry.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12888-022-03970-8

“DID and the closely related Other Specified Dissociative Disorders, example 1 (OSDD), where similar disturbances are observed without meeting the full clinical picture of DID, are commonly categorized as Complex Dissociative Disorders (CDD)”

(This is followed by a citation, which links to “Dissociation and the Dissociative Disorders: DSM-V and Beyond”, edited by Paul F. Dell, John A. O'Neil.)

This one’s similar: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/35695685/

“Complex dissociative disorders (CDD) include dissociative identity disorder (DID) and the most common other specified dissociative disorder (OSDD, type 1).”

Another one: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/15299732.2014.949020

“There is a paucity of empirical data to assist clinicians in choosing interventions to use with patients with complex dissociative disorder (DD; i.e., dissociative identity disorder and dissociative disorder not otherwise specified) at different stages in treatment.”

I could continue, but I think the point has been made.

Spitting vitriol helps no one, firstly, and secondly, I’m honestly quite appalled at being randomly blocked for (very cordially, might I add) offering an explanation of what the term CDD meant — which you had improperly defined in your comment. Considering the rudeness with which you spread misinformation and the venomous nature both of you involved seem to have exhibited throughout that exchange, it’s plain to me that your interest doesn’t lie with actually being correct. You just want to be pissy at people.

Again, I was once there. Exactly the same spot you’re in. And then I grew up.

I hope therapy treats you well.

[jackiequick]

Smoke in the air < Top Gun Maverick fic Au

Top Gun Maverick Au Series

Setting: Set years after Top Gun, Before Top Gun Maverick

Summary: What happens when old family friends meet again? But instead it’s though daughters and granddaughters instead. What if Rachel ‘Frostbite’ MetCalf and Jennifer ‘JenPen’ Mitchell earlier, years before Top Gun?

Platonic Pairing: Jennifer ‘JenPen’ Mitchell & Rachel ‘Frostbite’ MetCalf. Maverick’s daughter & Viper’s granddaughter. 

—-

It was a hot shot day in April 2011, Jennifer was sweating bullets after running streets in the sun. She just finished a quick run with Amber Kazansky, the girl was faster than her in way she can’t count. She entered the household to see her dad, Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell, and aunt, Audrey ‘Sunset’ Davidson, in the kitchen trying to cool off.

“Hey Daddy.” Jen said giving a quick kiss onto her father’s cheek. Then she bounced over to her aunt doing the same, “Hiya, Mama.”

“Hi sweetheart.” He replied with a smile, checking his watch and placed on his shades, about to head out soon.

“Hello princess.” Added Sunset pouring herself another glass of soda, “Whatcha doing here so early? Where is everyone?”

Jen opened the fridge grabbing a water bottle as lifted it up to her lips, taking a sip before replying, “Kazansky and I just finished a quick run. Bradley is god knows where. And my other friends are at the beach. Where ya headed?”

“I’m dropping something off at Chipper and Wolfman’s house. While you’re dad is driving over to old Commander Viper’s place to drop over paperwork and then head over to the offices.”

Maverick lifted up his head, “Uh change of plans! Babygirl, i need to head out to a meeting with Slider and meet up with a old student of mine, so i need you to drop off the folders for me.”

“But Dad-” Jen tried to opt out but was cut off short.

“The address is on a post-it note in my garage. It will be a quick thing, i promise.”

“But i was gonna go pick up Rusty and Lucky to go to—okay.”

—

Jennifer took a quick shower and opted for a better change of clothes. A black tank top with a gray flannel wrapped around her waist, jeans cuffed at the ankles, sandals with a pair of big tear drop shape earrings. Along with the gold crusted green necklace necklace she never removed, that made her olive green eyes pop.

She headed downstairs taking the folder with the address taped onto the front, then headed out driving to the MetCalf household, texting the girls she’ll be late to the mall. She’s been there before when she just a little girl due to her father or uncles, taking her to the house to be babysat by Viper’s wife when no one could watch over her. Viper’s wife Linda was gentle soul, always welcoming everybody in with open arms and a full plate to anyone who’s hungry. She liked her very much, but she was tough at times too.

Jennifer parked in front of the beautiful house with a freshly watered garden to die for, a white painted front porch with lights gently handing off the edge of the front door and the sound of peaceful smiles lifting up the feel of the house. Simply lovely.

The girl stepped out of the car with the items she was meant to give to the folks in hand, almost tumbling up the footsteps and knocked on the door twice. No one answered, so she knocked again nor did she hear any noise coming from the other end of the doorway. She stepped back and decided to try and walk around towards the back porch. But before she can take the first step down the staircase, Jennifer heard the door swing open and whipped her head around to face the person.

She expected to see Linda MetCalf standing there in her classic light pastel yellow top and jeans, with her hair tie in bun. Or that’s at least what her memory decided to make up of the women. Instead she was met with a young blonde girl with dark green eyes wearing a gray sweater, navy blue shorts and Converses. She definitely looked way younger than her, probably early pre-teens. Something about her gave a icy annoyed vibe, like Jen just butted into her important conversation with someone by accident. As if she landed in some deep smoke with that look.

The young girl gave her a slight glare holding the doorknob, like she was ready to slam the door in her face or something for interrupting her peace and quiet. “Uh, who the heck are you?” She asked.

“I’m uh, a sorta friend of the family.” Jennifer explained pointing towards the house.

“Sorta?”

“Yeah, Linda MetCalf sorta was my babysitter.”

“Uh okay, i guess. How old are you?”

“Almost 20..? Who the hell are you?”

“Look, I’m not supposed to talk to strangers, so please..you know, leave.”

“But I’m not a—”

Then a classic voice was heard, “Honey, who’s at the door?”

“Some girl claiming she knows..um, you?” Replied the young blonde with a confused disgusted face, scanning the brunette’s outfit choice.

Linda came in after what looks to be drying her hands off and smiled recognizing her, “Jenny, is that you?”

“Y-yeah it’s me! I’m um, sorry to interrupt you.” Jennifer said apologizing, feeling the young girl’s eyes on her.

“It’s alright what are you doing here?”

“My dad wanted me to hand this to Viper..?”

She held up a folder with tons of paperwork inside with a half smile.

“Oh yes, Mike said your father was coming over. He’s just left to the store, but i can take it for him.” Linda said kindly, holding out her hand as the girl handed her the papers, “You wanna come in? I made blueberry pie.”

“N-no it’s fine, i was gonna head out to see my friends…” Jennifer replied about to give an excuse however the scent of pie hit her nose, realizing she was hungry, “Actually yeah, a few minutes wouldn’t hurt, right?”

“Wonderful! I’ll serve you a big slice.”

—-

By the time Linda served her the slice of pie, that already seem to be cut into earlier, the young blonde headed upstairs to do god knows what. The older woman stood a seat next to the young brunette smiling. Linda asked, “So how are you sweetheart?”

“I’m alright, to be honest could be better.” Jennifer said taking a bite out the pie and humming at the delicious taste in her mouth.

“What do you mean?”

“Well dad and I are having trouble with picking career paths. Plus he’s had a little fight with my aunts and uncles..”

“Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry. You’ll figure it out eventually, you guys always do.”

“I hope so..how are you doing? I’ve haven’t seen you since i was 13, 12 maybe…?”

“I’m doing good, specially with the spring allowing more sales at the bakery and spring shopping.”

Jennifer chuckled, “Oh yeah, the mall is packed with new spring dresses at Macy’s.”

“I know it is, i brought 5 brand new outfits there last week.” Linda chuckled, pouring themselves another glass of water, “I’m so happy you stopped by, i missed seeing you.”

“Aww i missed seeing you too! If i known you were babysitting a neighbor’s kid or something i would’ve came later.”

“Neighbor’s kid?”

“Yeah the blonde girl..or is she not..?”

“Oh no sweetie you’re mistaken, that’s my granddaughter.”

“G-granddaughter? I’m so sorry I didn’t know!”

“It’s alright, you weren’t here for a long time. She is Valerie’s daughter.”

“Valerie? The oldest blonde one with the pink bracelets and used to play with me every time you babysat me?”

“That’s the one, surprised you remember. Yeah Valerie moved out with her boyfriend—now husband years ago and came back home with their daughter.”

“That’s sweet.” Jennifer smiled then jokes, “Soooo, is Hunter still available?” 

“Possibly.” Linda joked back, “And I think your a better match than his last girlfriend, Brianna.”

She laughed, “I might have to ask him out then. Besides, I think Brianna wasn’t the kindest girl…um what’s granddaughter’s name?”

“Rachel MetCalf. She’s a nice girl.”

“Uh, nice? She had an icey look like she could bite me.”

“She’s a sweetheart, Jenny. Go meet her, she’s in the guest room down the hall across from the bathroom.”

—

Rachel was laying down on the bed watching rewatching a Taylor Swift music video on her laptop, as her feet kicking on the back near the edge. The lyrics blasted throughout the cracked open door, her nails were still wet from painting them a light gray color. She was relaxed and singing softly, not hearing the footsteps of clapping sandals along the the wooden floor.

She knocked on the white painted door asking if she could come in, thankfully she received a quiet yes. Once Jennifer opened the door, she was met with a different look, a far more comfortable one.

“Uh hey.” Jen said standing in the doorway giving the girl a small smile.

“Ugh what do you want?” Replies the blonde pausing the music video, wiping her head around to the girl.

“To talk. To you.”

“Uh why? Look my grandma, if ask you to do that just don’t listen to her. You might be wasting your time You came here to bring over some stuff, that’s all.” 

“Uh ok first off, yeah she sent me here.”

“I knew it! We both know you got something more entertaining to do instead.”

“Secondly, watch your tone!”

“You ain’t my mother nor my grandmother!”

“Yeahhh I’m not but those two lovely ladies you just mentioned, I do know! I..sorry ok..I just came to be nice. Can we start over?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because it’s a nice thing to do.”

“Really? How so?”

——

The dark brunette, she didn’t speak, not knowing how to respond to that comment. Jen walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed, however knowing that this would be a long talk. Rachel sat crisscross applesauce on the bed, scrolling through the reopened Twitter page on her laptop. Memes, gifs, messages and videos filled up her feed. She glanced up at over every once in a while, waving a hand for her waiting for the girl to keep speaking.

But Jennifer didn’t.

Instead she watched her. The hair bouncing in front of her face, her dark nails, the rolled shoulder and annoyed pouted lips. The frosty looks that could sharply hurt you, a soft stabbing, focused glare underneath that deep eyeliner of hers. Some people are always like that that, it’s who they are. But sometimes it’s always something different, stronger. Something behind those eyes. Either she was going across a teenage phase or…

“How long?” Jennifer asked, the words just slipped out.

“What?” Rachel replies eyeing her up and down.

“How long was your father shipped out?”

“Wa-excuse me? How did you know that?! You just walk in here and asked me that…”

“H-hey I’m sorry. It just slipped out..well because I know the face. The attitude.”

Both of their voices were low, as if it was whispers of a conversation. Rachel looked at her once again, noticing that this girl seriously just called her out on something that she didn’t expect to hear. But somehow was known to everyone in that very room. It kinda sucks that the annoying girl in front of her read the room that quickly, or just guess it.

For Jen, it was something she knew a little too well. The look, sometimes the cries and the attitude. She experienced it, still does. Not something you catch on unless you travel around and met people every once in a while. Sometimes you need someone else to listen to you.

Rachel sighed, leaned back and scoff, “Okay that um, wow. Rude sorta I guess..but um yeah, my dad was you know gone for 6 months or less…Navy and stuff runs in the family. Guess with yours too?”

“Yeah. He’s never been gone for that long, huh?” Jennifer asked, she got a nod in return and continued, “I get it. It’s not easy, it gets annoying like the longest waiting game ever…what about your mom?”

“My mom?”

“Yeah..”

“Mom is usually at work nowadays, so I stay with um, well my grandparents. Mostly grandma. I mean yeah she’s always here but the last few weeks..she’s been usually busy with work.”

“It’s tough, at least you get to be near some cool grandparents. I get it, it can be hard sometimes you just want them safe and sound. Especially if your a bit of a daddy’s girl growing up, I guess.”

——

Rachel was still working out the way to look at this situation. Just a few minutes ago she was annoyed at this point with her but now it was like she has soften up. Sometimes you don’t know if someone is getting honest or just chatting with you to make conversation. As if it was a lie or something, she’s been though his routine before.

She scoffed and looking at her laptop, “Yeah well, what do you know?”

“What do you mean?” Jennifer asked, playing with her nails for a moment.

“You’re just sweet talking me or something. You don’t know me, you’re mom is probably at home with your dad.”

“She’s not at home.”

“Shopping for grocery then, whatever. At least she’s with you.”

“Yeah probably in spirit.”

“Huh?”

Jennifer scoff with a slightly half smile, “Girl, my moms dead.”

“Oh-oh my god! I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to.” Rachel said quickly with widen eyes, closing her laptop, “I um, uh, I didn’t know..”

“It’s alright. You didn’t mean to.”

“I’m sorry…is that why you visited my grandparents a lot? I heard half of the conversation downstairs. You uh, talk loud.”

“Y-yeah I mean sorta..I guess that’s why. My dad or uncle were busy with work as I got a little older, so I was always dropped off here..just like you.”

“What? No other uncles or aunts or older siblings to take care of you? At least I had my uncles and aunts.”

“Live far away or you know, busy with work. My dad trusted me in the care of your grandparents.”

“And my aunts and uncles appears like it..”

“Oh no, they just showed up to play every once in a while.”

Rachel joked with a half smile, “In what year? 1987?”

“Hey! I’m only a few years older than you. And yeah, in the late very 80s.” Jennifer admitted, knowing she couldn’t lie abiotic that.

“Hahahahaha! Old lady.”

“Again I’m literally 19. What are you? Like 11?”

“11?!”

“13?”

“13?! I’m 15! Just turned 15 a while back.”

“Heheh! You don’t look like it…”

“Okay, rude.”

“But you sound like it.”

Rachel muttered a ‘wow’ trying to act serious and mature enough to act like it, but the moment she turned around to face Jennifer. It was a whole different story. The brunette was biting the inside of her cheek, grinning softly at her, “What?” The young blonde started chuckling that grew into a fit of laughter, the other girl followed suit. They laughed for a good minute straight, chatting a bit more.

“So uh, can we start over..?” Jennifer asked with a shrug, smiling.

“Sure, why not.” Rachel replied with a slight scoff and smile.

“Hi, I’m Jennifer Mitchell my friends c-”

“Seriously? The whole introduction thing too and-”

“Just do it. Please?”

“Fine..I’m Rachel MetCalf. My friends call me Rach, at least they would if I had any friends.”

It was Jennifer’s turn to scoff and half smile, “Cute. Did you just quote Meg from ‘Hercules’?”

“Well yeah, duh. She’s a cool chick and relatable to me..” Rachel replied with a shrug and smirk.

“Okay, Megara..”

“Yeah no.”

“What? Nicknames it’s for sake! Iceman is already taken.”

“Rachel is just fine.”

“Okay fine.”

“You give everyone a nickname?”

“On occasion.”

“Oh dear god…fine, only one nickname got it? It should be a cool one! Not some lame basic one.”

“Damn okay, yes ma’am.”

She laughed at the older girl reaction. It made her feel comfortable and cool. Honestly she wasn’t half bad in her eyes. Rachel thought that she was warm and sweet, which contrasted her cool and collective self. Yeah she had a friend or two, but this brunette girl was willing to stay up here with her for a while. Yeah sure, it took Linda MetCalf to do so, but still. Usually she was the loner who gave everyone the side eye, then comes on this girl to interrupt her vibe today. Interesting.

The two chatted a bit more. Talked about schools, discussing movies, joked about crushes, watch some YouTubers, and do more things to past the time.

Not gonna lie, Jennifer was glad she went upstairs. The moment she saw the young blonde at the front door, it was smoke in the air! Her mind was racing with ideas to leave the paperwork and get out of there, especially when that glare hit her. Planning to definitely refuse the idea of coming upstairs to actually meet her, meet up with her friends at the mall. But when she got to know the blonde girl, something about this newfound friendship felt good.

The pair were discussing a few new movie trailers when Jen phone vibrate with a call from Rusty, she excused herself real quick to answer it remembering about the mall. She heard that the girls were at the Food Court, just finished showing at Target waiting for her.

Jennifer ended the call, noticing a few missed text messages from her dad as well. Oops. When she returned to the bedroom, she was met with the young MetCalf eyes and soft smile.

“You’re friends?” She asked with small nod.

“And a few missed text messages from dad..” She replied nodding.

“Oof. Tough break, sorry about that.”

“It’s cool. I got hang out with a cool girl anyway.”

“Cool?”

“Yeah your kinda cool.”

“Your playing, I ain’t cool.”

“I would say so, Rachel.”

“Whatever you say, Mitchell.”

Both girls chuckled.

“Walk me out?” Jennifer suggested with a small shrug, pointing at the door.

“Sure.” Rachel reply was quick as she jumped off the bed, leading her down the steps.

—-

——

They chatted some more, greeting Linda midway to the front porch. She smiled at both girls, happy to see they somehow got along. She gave the young Mitchell a slice of pie to go and returned back to the kitchen counter to continue a phone call of hers. Rachel opened the door for her new found friend. Jennifer smiled, giving her a small thanks.

“You know I wasn’t expecting this day to go like this, but I’m glad it did.” Jen says holding the pie in her hands.

Rachel leaned against the door frame, “Yeah, it wasn’t bad. Again, I’m sorry about earlier.”

“Oh no, it’s fine. I’m used to it, I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It’s cool, I kinda needed it you know.”

“Yeah. Ohhh how about I swing by again this week and I can take you out?”

“Seriously? T-that’s odd, we just met.”

“So? We’re kinda on good terms and I would like to hang out with you a bit more.”

The blonde smiled hearing that, surprised to see how open this girl was receiving her this whole time. Somehow she liked this annoying ball of sunshine and jokes. The brunette smiled softly as if she can see the gears turn in her head, she was cool with hanging out with someone like her. Somehow she enjoyed the vibe of this bright eyed ball of cool breezes and slightly snarky remarks.

It was that ‘screw off’ attuned attitude towards her, that Jennifer liked for some reason. She wait for a response from the blonde, playing with her necklace.

“Oh right.” Rachel said snapping out if her thought considering her offer, “Sure! Y-yeah we can hang out tomorrow I guess, o-only if your free of course. You seem kinda busy.”

“Nahh girl, I ain’t that busy!” Jennifer replies with a soft chuckle, “I’m usually lounging around or something. So I can definitely hang out tomorrow.”

“G-great! That sounds great, you’ll pick me up?”

“If it’s cool with your grandma and—”

Suddenly the yells of Linda MetCalf was heard, “YES! ITS OKAY WITH ME!..sorry, I was eavesdropping for a moment!”

Both girls laughed at the older woman, nodding at the agreement. Satisfied somehow with this situation of today, it wasn’t planned but it was nice so far. Rachel said her quick goodbyes, giving the brunette her phone number in the process and closed the door. Jennifer nodded as the door was sorta slammed in her face and chuckled running off to her ride.

—-

Thank you for reading this fic! Hope you enjoyed it

Tags: @gaminggirlsstuff @msrochelleromanofffelton @gcthvile @drspencereidhotch @ohgodnotagainn @morgan108 @topgun-imagines @theloveoftoms @annepsilvaauthor @t-nd-rfoot @withakindheartx @starkleila @buckysteveloki-me @rooster-84 @novavida and etc.

[notsocheezy]

Brain Curd #111

Brain Curds are lightly edited flash fiction - practically first drafts - posted daily (haven't missed one yet!) and sometimes written with the express intention of being terrible… but, you know, in an endearing way. Please like and reblog if you enjoy - the notes keep me going!

This is a new chapter of The Prom Consort - you should read the earlier ones first! You know, if you want to know what's going on.

Claudia said if we weren’t going for the trainwreck angle, we needed to show a unified front. Which meant more publicity stunts. This weekend, everyone was going to be shopping for their prom dresses and suits and whatnot, and we needed to be no exception. We walked through the front door of the dress shop to see a bonafide human riptide flowing between the racks.

I bit the inside of my cheeks to try to keep a straight face. This was even worse than the senior lawn - practically half the school was packed into a single room. My stomach was in knots.

“Okay, here’s what I’m thinking…” Claudia held out her hands over her head. “Matching dresses!”

“Matching?” I asked. “What, are we bridesmaids?”

Brie rubbed the back of her neck. “I don’t really feel like wearing a dress.”

“Ugh.” Claudia rubbed her face. “Are you going to argue with everything I say?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Can we at least have some color coordination? Is that too much to ask?” She sighed. “Purple? Is everyone okay with purple?”

Brie shrugged.

I nodded. “It’s a royal sort of color, I guess.”

“Good, good… we’re getting somewhere.” Claudia looked around and saw one of the racks was already picked clean. “Okay, we don’t have much time. Let’s split up. I’ll find myself a dress, and you two pick out three or four options each so we can coordinate. Got it?”

She ran off without waiting for a response. My face was pale, I guess, because Brie noticed I wasn’t feeling well.

“You alright, Kelly?”

“I’m… not one for crowds.”

“How about we stick together? I’ll make sure nobody, like, bumps into you.”

“All it takes is one person who didn’t wash their hands after eating a Reese’s cup and I’ll swell up like a parade balloon. I don’t know how you could help with that.”

“Actually… I totally get it. I’ve got a shellfish allergy.”

I tilted my head. “Seriously?”

Brie suggested we start in the least crowded section of the store, which was in the back corner. Immediately my eyes locked on to the most gorgeous dress I’d ever seen. Given that beauty is subjective, I won’t bother telling you what it looked like. Use your imagination. But I loved it immediately. I checked the tag and it was even in my size. I never thought I’d get this excited about clothes, but there I was, giddy, holding it up to myself. Brie seemed happy to see me happy.

That is, until I took a look at the price tag. Three-hundred and fifty dollars. Even if there was a chance of earning five grand at the end of all this, I didn’t have the money and I was too young for a credit card. I started to wonder if I’d be able to afford anything they sold there.

“What’s wrong?” She asked me.

“I love this dress, but… I can’t afford it.”

Brie took the price tag in her hand. “That’s all? I was worried it might have a stain on it or something. I can buy it for you.”

“You’d do that?” I clutched the dress to my chest.

“Yeah…” She blushed. “I think it suits you.”

My eyes caught something on the rack behind her. “Ooh…” I grabbed it and looked it over. It was a lovely suit with hints of the same color as my dress. I handed it to her. “I think this would look great on you!”

“Hmm…” She beamed. “I think you’re right! I’ll probably have to get it altered for fit, but it’s perfect!”

We went to the dressing rooms to make sure we liked our outfits, and both of us were very happy with them. We didn’t bother looking for other options, and instead went to sit on a bench together. Claudia found us and showed us the dress she’d found, which was a slightly different hue compared to what we’d found.

“Wh- why didn’t you do what I asked?!? You were supposed to find multiple options so we could synergize!”

“We didn’t want to,” I replied. “We already found what we like.”

“I’m sorry Claudia…” Brie drooped. “This is my fault. I’ll go find another suit…”

“No way!” I stood up. “Two against one, Clod! You’re the one who’s going to have to change!”

“Ugh!” She stepped back. “Y-you… you c-can’t tell me what to do! This was all my idea!”

“Too bad.” I sat back down and crossed my legs. “Now that you know what color to look for, it shouldn’t take you too long.”

She steamed and stormed off.

Brie looked at the floor. “Thanks. For defending me.”

“No problem. I couldn’t let her cut you down like that, Brie. It doesn’t suit you.”

[needynb]

Oh I think it may have been more than just a little sweetheart, and I’m very flattered that you’ve been thinking about me all day, I’ll be honest and say I’ve been thinking about you a lot today as well. Just been too busy to send you more messages.

But oh your response was so good, so perfect. At first I would refuse you doing anything to me, after all this was about you, but oh your begging and pleading changed my mind. The thought of the both of us turning into just desperate messes clawing after each other, marking each other up, loosening our ability to form coherent sentences and just saying whines and simple words, to the point where we collapse on each other to come down from our high. Though we may need to hold off on the strap cause food will get too cold and not be good to eat.

(My turn to turn into a mess now, honestly you’re so nice to ask and I’m blushing now because of it. The fact you’re wanting to be respectful and reciprocate is so sweet, I’m holding off on Dming you directly to hope the charm of the anonymity keeps up lol. But also to test my patience as well cause I did say tomorrow and I intend to keep my promise on tomorrow, you definitely make it so hard though)

(As for me though you can call me anon as of now, my pronouns be he/him (they/them are also fine) and I’m a trans man. I’m honestly really new to the whole scene due to a lot of different factors so honestly talking/flirting with you has definitely helped ease some of that nervousness out. I like to be called a lot of pet names and I’m not too picky except for feminine ones (like princess, girl, etc.) and using baby too much (the whole daddy/mommy/baby thing has been ruined for me forever, a story I can talk about later. As for things I’m into I love praise, servicing (I think that’s the word) and honestly I have a bit of a teaching/corruption kink when applied to myself. I’m definitely a lot more of a “I’ll go with your flow”)

~✨

I feel like I’m going CRAZY with how much you’re getting to me like I can’t handle it. I really wasn’t exaggerating earlier today when I said I was kicking my feet and squealing when I saw your messages, every time I’ve seen an ask in my inbox I’ve gotten excited and just a liiiittle bit wetter.

I entirely understand being busy, part of the reason why I’ve been so active is because I have had absolutely nothing better to do than imagine you. And honestly, the charm of anonymity is working on me, I feel like I’m on the edge of my seat trying to find out the plot twist in the story before it happens. I keep having to stop myself from checking to see who’s liked or reblogged certain posts, because I don’t want to be weird and break any of the boundaries that anonymity provides, and I understand not wanting to reach out right away. Besides, there’s something so exciting about not knowing who you are, the anticipation of it. Maybe you’re a follower or mine, or just a lurker, I don’t know!

All that being said though, I’m glad I’m making it hard for you to wait on dming me. I want to know who has been teasing me through my asks all day dammit!!(/lh)

Servicing and corruption/teaching are two kinks I haven’t explored much personally, but just the basics of what I know of them are absolutely lovely. I can’t quite tell what you meant with the corruption/teaching when you said applied to yourself (if you’d be the teacher or the student, as it were) but I have to say I’d be willing to fill whichever role you wanted me to, whether it be letting you lead me through all the intricate details of what to do, or being the one doing the leading and telling you exactly where to touch or what position to be in to make sure we both thoroughly enjoy ourselves

Finally, thank you for the details!! I’m very happy to know even just some of the basics about you to make sure I’m being respectful. And if you’re starting to blush at me asking for that, but not the other stuff I’ve replied with? The idea of getting you all flustered without even touching you, or even saying anything particularly sexy is a very, very exciting one 💜

[sacramentonewsjournal]

Taylor Swift Responds to Joe Alwyn Midnights Rumors: Relationship

All love. Taylor Swift talked about Joe Alwyn earlier than her launch of Midnights. The “Love Story” singer talked concerning the which means of her new music “Lavender Haze” and gave a particular nod to her personal relationship. In an Instagram video explaining the monitor, Taylor stated, “I occurred upon the phrase ‘Lavender Haze’ after I was watching Mad Males and I regarded it up as a result of it sounded cool and it seems it was a phrase within the 50s the place they’d simply describe being in love. If you happen to had been within the lavender haze, then that meant that you just had been in that all-encompassing love glow.” She continued, “I believed that was actually stunning. I assume theoretically while you’re within the lavender haze, you’ll do something to remain there and never let folks carry you down off of that cloud. I feel lots of people must cope with this now, not identical to ‘public figures,’ as a result of we dwell within the period of social media and if the world finds out that you just’re in love with anyone, they’re going to weigh in on it. My relationship for six years, we’ve needed to dodge bizarre rumors, tabloid stuff, and we simply ignore it. So this music is kind of concerning the act of ignoring that stuff to guard the true stuff.” Taylor and Joe met on the 2016 Met Gala. The 2 sparked relationship rumors in October 2016 once they each attended a Kings of Leon live performance. A month later, Taylor was seen attending the premiere of Alwyn’s film, Billy Lynn’s Lengthy Halftime Stroll. Information broke of their relationship in Might 2017. In an interview with Esquire in 2018, Taylor revealed if he sought recommendation about relationship a celeb. “I didn’t hunt down recommendation on that,” he stated. “As a result of I do know what I really feel about it. I feel there’s a really clear line as to what anyone ought to share, or really feel like they must share, and what they don’t need to and shouldn’t must.” Alwyn, who co-wrote a number of songs on Swift’s 2020 album Folklore, is believed to have impressed a number of of Swift’s tracks, together with “Beautiful,” “Name It What You Need” and “Cardigan.” The 2 stay very personal about their relationship, not often speaking to the press concerning the particulars. When speaking about their very own privateness, Joe stated in an interview with WSJ Journal, “We dwell in a tradition that folks anticipate a lot to be given. In order that if you happen to’re not posting on a regular basis about what you’re doing, the way you’re spending a day or the way you made a breakfast, does that make you a recluse?” He additionally denied engagement rumors, “If I had a pound for each time I feel I’ve been informed I’ve been engaged, then I’d have a number of pound cash,” The Favorite star stated. “I imply, the reality is, if the reply was sure, I wouldn’t say, and if the reply was no, I wouldn’t say.” Our mission at STYLECASTER is to carry fashion to the folks, and we solely characteristic merchandise we predict you’ll love as a lot as we do. Please notice that if you buy one thing by clicking on a hyperlink inside this story, we might obtain a small fee from the sale. Originally published at Sacramento News Journal

[mcyt-peach]

Hii! What would it be like (as is what would mcyts tweet) if you came out as ftm trans?

karl, wilbur and tommy tweeting about ftm trans!reader

⋆｡˚ summary: when their friend and fellow streamer comes out on social media, karl, wilbur and tommy decide to show their support

⋆｡˚ including: cc!karl, cc!wilbur and cc!tommy

⋆｡˚ warnings: reader uses he/him pronouns, reader is trans ftm (female to male)

⋆｡˚ note: this was a bit shorter because I'm pretty busy at the moment but I hope y'all still like it

Karl

Karl wasn’t surprised in the slightest when you came out on your twitter, finally showing off who you truly were

he’d been going back and forth with you over the past few days about the topic, trying to offer support and calm our nerves over the life changing moment of coming out

he had even stayed up with you the night before you posted, drafting, redrafting, checking grammar and carefully choosing each and every word

quickly unlocking his phone and pulling up your tweet, he was ecstatic to see the throngs of people expressing their support in comments

“I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU’RE THE BRAVEST PERSON I KNOW!!! <3”

the capitalization, excessive number of exclamation points, as well as the emojis he tacked on after his original reply were his way of lifting your mood through an undoubtedly exhausting time

still, if the way you liked every picture he put up of him and you, in your new haircut and clothes, he was pretty sure you felt on top of the world

Wilbur

Wilbur had been anticipating your tweet, with you having come out to him earlier in the month

he had no trouble using your preferred pronouns and respected your desire to keep it from the public until you felt comfortable

during streams, he simply referred to you by your stream handle and didn’t tolerate any comments from chat that could cause you to feel uncomfortable

but here you were, sharing everything you had discovered about yourself with your fanbase and hoping for an understanding response

despite all the love from your followers, he was sure you were wracked with nerves and made a mental note to check up on you when everything had settled

being able to finally use the name he’d been calling you in private for months felt liberating and he couldn’t help but join in with the masses supporting you

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met and if you ever need some fashion advice man to man, I’ll be waiting to pick a fit for you”

you would, of course, respond with pictures of Quackity in a green beret and blue jacket, along with a teasing “I think I’m good”

Tommy

Tommy’s inconsistent use of twitter meant he missed your original coming out tweet, something he still denies to this day

only when the few people he has notifications on for began retweeting and responding to you did he realize what he had missed

his notifications were blown up by a well-meaning Tubbo and a very sarcastic Ranboo telling him to get off his ass and use his crazy personality to show his undying support

he was frantic to make any and all comments about how proud he was, even going as far as to respond on every single alt account he’d ever created

every frenzied retweet read like that of a tween from the early 2010’s, wrought with spelling errors and incomprehensible hashtags

“YOUER MY FAV BROTHER BUT SONT TELL WIL #WELCOMETOTHEBOYS”

the next day, you got a call from Tommy asking if he should do a “getting a tattoo with my brothers” video, to which you threatened to tell Wilbur about until he gave up

[6okuto]

for @sunaslay — oikawa: dialogue 16, scenario 2, gn!reader "it's 2am, what are you doing here?" "i missed you." , seeing each other after a long time apart

for my 2k follower event >:o

the sound of the doorbell simultaneously feels quiet and too loud when you wake up. you reach blindly for your phone, squinting at the screen and frowning at the time—1:58 a.m. but a notification appears almost immediately and your eyes widen, heart beginning to race.

tooru &lt;3: can u PLEase open the door already? >:((

if it weren’t for the doorbell ringing again, you might have thought you were dreaming. but you shoot up and stumble over the blanket that gets caught on your foot, clumsily turning on the hallway light as you jog down the stairs. your heart is still pounding and with what little coordination you have at this point, your fingers manage to unlock the door for your eyes land on someone you least expected to see.

“...tooru?”

oikawa tooru. professional volleyball player. your boyfriend—the one who wasn’t supposed to be back until later today so that you could meet him at the airport. you think yourself lucky that your voice doesn’t get stuck in your throat when he looks at you. “it’s 2am, what are you doing here?”

“i missed you.” his voice is quiet and sincere, starkly different from the oikawa you had been watching win on screen just a while ago. he takes a step forward, quickly wrapping himself around you. his hold is tighter than usual as he nuzzles his face into your neck. but there’s still a sense of normalcy to his action, as if he had just come home after a long day of practice.

“that’s—” you can’t help but laugh, even as your grip on his shirt fabric tightens. “i meant how you’re here. you weren’t supposed to be back yet.”

it takes a few seconds for him to reply as he chooses kissing your face and down to your jaw is more important. “i took an earlier flight to surprise you,” he explains against your skin. “can i come inside? it’s chilly.”

you roll your eyes but nod, letting him gently push you back through the door before closing it behind him and his suitcase he almost forgets to bring. tooru lets go of your waist, choosing to hold your hand instead as his eyes glance around the living room.

“always watching me on the big screen, i hope.”

“of course. seeing you in 4k is like i’m really there,” you joke. tooru laughs—it’s the first time you’ve heard him laugh in person in much too long, you think. but it only takes a second for him to yawn after, a small “sorry” escaping him. you frown and reach to cup his cheek. your voice has quieted when you speak. “you’re tired.”

tooru offers you a tired smile before leaning into your hold, placing his own hand over yours. he turns his face just enough to kiss your palm, his voice lightly muffled when he answers. “can we go to sleep?”

you nod and reach for his hand. “let’s get you to bed.”

leaving his things at the bottom of the stairs, tooru pads quietly behind you to your shared bedroom. he lets out an mph as he faceplants onto the bed, groaning before turning his head to watch you walk toward him. the both of you are silent as you easily slide in beside him, picking up the blanket that had fallen onto the floor from a few minutes ago. your boyfriend doesn’t seem bothered enough to question it, only pulling you into him as you bring the blanket over the both of you.

“‘m sorry i’m too tired to talk,” he whispers.

you can hear the genuine disappointment in his voice and frown. “tooru, you just got back, baby. i didn’t expect you to be a conversationalist. we can catch up in the morning.” he hums in response, too tired to argue or even nod.

“okay. goodnight, sweetheart,” tooru mumbles against the top of your head. he kisses you once more, even as drowsiness taking over him. “i love you. see you in the morning.”

and he speaks with a smile, knowing that seeing you in the morning meant he was finally home.

note from nia: omg OMG pls...literally had some of ur posts ready to rb in my drafts when i saw this like. LOL. u r awesome! THANK U FOR JOINING!! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

[tittyblade]

tumblr etiquette 101

a list that is nowhere near exhaustive, from yours truly.

First off, welcome! Whether you’re a twitter veteran looking for anything but whatever twitter is, or a new user just done signing up, glad to see you in our ranks beloveds! Welcome home. Refer to this quick tour to make sure your fandom experience (or tumblr experience in general) is a positive one!

Disclaimer: I know it’s long, but please try to read or skim through til the end if you’re new here! This is by no means meant to be a rule book (for the most part lol), only a guide to help you get settled easier!

1) Your blog

This is where people will see and interact with you, so put some effort into it!

Try to choose a name (url) that’s simple. You can see it as your brand, it’s how people will perceive you and remember you. If you’d like to interact with other users here (and not use the site just for the content) it’s better to have something short and sweet, preferably without spaces. (Of course, these are only suggestions.) Rest assured, you can change it literally any time you want.

Have a theme. Utilize the tool that lets you edit your blog’s color or the font of your bio! You can make it match your profile picture, or your blog if it has a theme of its own. Make it feel homey :]

Fill in your bio. People will be checking out your profile probably more often than you think. Don’t leave it empty! Put in any information you’re comfortable with sharing and isn’t too personal (like your age if you’re a minor, or other TMI that can be found on other people’s carrds). It’s always better to add a name/nickname people can use to refer to you by, but feel free to use your blog description to shitpost still.

You can have an intro post. More often than not, you’ll see a blog have a pinned post, a post permanently appearing at the top of a blog until you pin another post or unpin it. You can make one of those, if you’d like to introduce yourself in more length, link any other socials or a carrd, and show others visiting your blog how you tag things so it’ll be easy for them to navigate. Not an obligation.

Keep your anonymity and your safety. It should go without saying, but there’s no harm in repeating it just in case. Your comfort, privacy and safety has the utmost importance. Don’t share any information you don’t want to. Don’t share your age if you’re a minor, or any other incredibly personal info. I’d encourage you to go by a nickname that’s not your real name, (blog name, your brand, remember?) since there’s safety in anonymity, and that’s lowkey one of the big deals of tumblr, but that’s up to you still.

Choose what you want to be visible. Your liked posts and who you follow are all things you can set to keep to yourself and hide from the publics eye, how handy! You should go through all the setting while you’re at it, set it to your comfort.

Side blogs are a thing. You can have multiple blogs that you can use for different things (see: different fandoms, art blog, etc) to keep them organized or away from your followers. Just remember that the replies and off-anon asks you send will be from your main blog, as well as where you follow other blogs from.

2) Interacting with others

You’ve set up your account, now comes the fun part!

Follow to your heart’s desire. If you care about others seeing who you follow, fear not! In tumblr, usually only two types of blogs keep their following visible to others: newbies, and big blogs using it to point people on other good blogs’ direction. Just turn it off, and go ham following people.

Customize your dashboard. Gonna mention just two things here: this is another reason why it’s really important that you follow blogs without sparing, your dash will collect dust otherwise; and you should turn off “best stuff first” in your dashboard settings, to have a better community here and all.

Follow tags. You can set it in your settings that posts with your followed tags appear on your dashboard.

You can check the og post for edits and context. When you see a reblogged post you don’t understand the context of (or don’t recognize the character in case of fanarts), click on the profile so it will take you to the original post. From there you can check the original poster’s tags to get the context, or see if there have been any edits made to the post, since when you edit a post it doesn’t update any past reblogs.

Send people asks... This is how you make mutuals, people! Do it off-anon if you’d like them to know your blog, or anon if you’d rather not! (You can still end your messages with a signature to show you’re the same person, -[name] is one example.) Send them nice messages, ask their opinion on something, discuss things, or just straight up shitpost lol. Go wild. The sky’s your limit and it’s definitely more than 280 characters.

...and let them ask you! You can set your preference in the settings, do it on desktop tumblr to access more settings tho! What you can customize on mobile is limited (like letting people ask you things anonymously, that’s only on desktop settings). In my personal opinion, it’s always better to tag their username (or a nickname you give them, if they’re a friend) on that post, since you wouldn’t want your interactions with your friends to get buried in your blog forever.

Comment on posts. If you have something to say but don’t want the post to appear on your blog you can add a comment. The owner of the post will get a notif for it, but for anyone else you need to tag them.

For the love of god, reblog. People will only see your liked posts if you have it visible to public and they specifically go on your blog to look at them. You like something? You reblog. It’s already hard for posts to circulate properly, if you don’t reblog them literally no one will see them. If not for anything do it for the artists. Just hold and drag on mobile to fast rb.

3) Your Posts

Finally here! Don’t be a lurker, post and engage!

Make use of “read more”. If your post is long, add it. That’s what you clicked on earlier to expand this post. On desktop leave an empty line and you’ll see three dots appear, and on mobile type :readmore: on that empty line.

Draft a post to come back to it later. Pretty self explanatory.

Queue your post. Whether it’s your own post or you’re reblogging, make use of the queue feature to a) not spam reblog and fill up the dashboard of people following you and b) keep your blog active while you’re gone. Mess around in the settings, it’s fairly easy to set up.

Schedule your post. Same as queueing, the only difference is you get to choose the exact time your post will go up. Handy if you want to schedule a post for certain dates like april fools, or 5 years in the future for some reason. 

Format your texts. You can do all kinds of fancy stuff here (that’s a link, try pressing on it). Twitter doesn’t have this, make use of it. Changes depending on whether you’re on mobile or desktop. (Desktop has less features.)

Check your stats. If you’re trying to understand the algorithm better or want to look at some pretty graphs you can get your data on that on desktop tumblr.

@ people in comments. You’ll get all the notifs when people comment on your posts but they won’t see your reply unless you tag them in your message.

4) Tags, and tagging a post

This is where my earlier statement “this isn’t a rule book” stops being applicable. It’s not a war crime to go against these, I won’t come chasing you (don’t take my word for this) but you’ll work up a bad rep. Just saying lol.

Do NOT crosstag posts. It’s really tempting to add unrelated tags to increase your posts’ interaction, I know, but that’s not what tumblr is about. Don’t be a dick and make other communities’ experience worse for them.

Always tag your posts with “crit/critical/discourse/etc” if it calls for it. There’s no exceptions to it. This is the reason you see people migrating to tumblr. Let people enjoy things.

Don’t main tag a critical/negative post. If your crit post is about “Thing”, you add the “Thing critical” tag, but not the “Thing” tag. People block crit tags if they don’t want to see it, don’t shove it in their faces by main tagging it. 

If you don’t want to see something, just block it. Another reason why people are able to survive on tumblr. You don’t start discourse, you don’t make call-outs, you block. You can find something for every community you can think of if you go looking for it. The worst of the worst probably won’t ever appear on your dash, but if you’re worried or feel the need for it, you know where the block button is.

Feel free to shitpost or ramble. More often than not you’ll see people rb a post with a comment, and their elaboration will be in the tags. The tags are only visible on your profile and the notifications of the owner of the og blog. Just a thing people do.

Reblog artists’ posts with nice comments in the tags! Commenting on a drawing is usually done through the tags (Not an obligation, again, just a thing people do. Feel free to add your comment on the rb itself if you’d want other people to see it tho!) and leave nice messages for the artists! It’s a win-win for everyone involved. 

If you have more than a single follower, always use the common tw warning tags. You don’t need to tw everything, but tw’ing some common things is the bare minimum human decency. Keep it safe for others. 

Tag a post “long post” if it’s really long. Pretty self explanatory. Don’t make people scroll through all that please lol. 

You can use them to organize your blog. This is more of a pro tip, if you’d like to not miss a post in your blog, cause they will start pilin’ up soon enough.

#Liveblogging is pretty fun. If you’d like to talk to people during streams, don’t forget to add the relevant tags still! Again, you won’t show up on people’s dash otherwise.

Whew! That got out of hand. Hopefully I didn’t bore you too much. Check out blogs like @heritageposts and @hellsite-hall-of-fame to honor our past o7. @mcytblr-hall-of-fame too maybe :eyes:. Anyways, don’t forget the most important rule of them all:

Enjoy your stay! You’re meant to have fun on here while also making friends (if that’s your thing). Just be kind and respectful of others, you’ll get the hang of the rest! <3

[juletheghoul]

Burning Hour (Part 3)

This series has completely taken over my life and I am so happy you are all enjoying it so much - thank you for all of the lovely messages and comments - I treasure them deeply.

So - you shouldn't be surprised that this particular moment on the red carpet absolutely inspired a scene in this story and I regret nothing. Hope you all enjoy this fantasy that's keeping me going lol.

Din Djarin x F!Reader (Virgin reader)

Pairing: Din x F!Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) Angst, pining, slow-burn, implied arranged marriage, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age) Yearning, jealousy, fingering/touching / slight dirty talk (slightly possessive)

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist Part 4

—

You floated through the morning.

Your dreams were full of kisses, of declarations of love and beskar glinting under the sun and it was hard to concentrate on anything.

You smiled to yourself as you broke your fast with warm bread and butter, feeling his eyes on you from his place behind your father.

“Your highness-” Your father’s advisor came through the door holding the usual paperwork, things for him to look over, letters to read. “-A letter has come for the Princess.” He turned to you then with a smile. He was an old man, grandfatherly and sweet. He handed it to you and you noticed from the corner of your eye Din’s helmet turn towards you.

It was a small letter and you noticed how beautiful the script was as you opened it.

Dearest Princess,

I would be honoured if you were to join me here at my home for dinner. My messenger awaits your response and if you agree, I will send my personal household guard to accompany you. I also imagine your knight will be in attendance, I welcome him and whoever else you choose to bring at my table. Ruby as well of course.

Hoping you’ll say yes.

Ever yours,

Poe. D.

“It’s from Poe, he asks that I join him this evening for dinner.” You were frowning at the letter, conflicted because you wanted to stay home, wanted to meet Din in the garden again. A tiny part of you however, the tiniest part wanted to say yes - wanted to see how Poe would behave. Part of you wanted him to do something unforgivable to wipe the smiles off your parents faces.

“Oh but you must go!” Your father’s voice boomed through the room and you imagined that you could almost hear Din’s jaw clenching.

“Yes my darling, you must go. What does the letter say?” Your mother held her hand out and you handed it to her. She smiled as she read it. “Din, you must accompany her.” She was smiling big, excited at the prospect of a match having been made. No one bothered to ask if you wanted to go.

“Yes of course, let his messenger know that the Princess will be in attendance. She will go, Din- I leave her safety in your hands. Take you who must.” It had been decided for you, and you had to accept it. You felt Mila’s hand grasp yours under the table in understanding.

-

“Which gown would you like to wear your highness?” She asked sadly as you put on your undergarments and you sighed.

Whichever one makes everyone leave me alone.

“Whichever you think would look best sweetling, I have no preference.” You said the words and they were honest. Yes - Poe was charming and sweet, handsome and in another life you would have been faint with excitement at his interest in you but you were in love with Din. He was the one you wanted to share a meal with. He was the one you wanted to kiss in the open - to have holding your hand as you sat together in front of the hearth. He was the one you wanted in your bed.

“How about this one?” She held out a lovely powder blue gown. You would have said no, something more plain but you had to be seen to be making an effort.

“Yes, that will do nicely.” You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes. She didn’t comment on it.

“I will tie a blue ribbon around Ruby’s neck to match, and I think you have some sapphires as well.” She brought over a tray of jewelry for you to peruse while she laced up your gown.

Your mind drifted to an interesting place. You imagined you were preparing for dinner with Din and imagined your knight picking out jewels for you to wear.

Would he prefer diamonds? Would he like me better in opals or emeralds?

You had a feeling he wouldn’t mind either way, but it was lovely to pretend even for a moment. She placed a dark blue cloak about your shoulders and stood back.

“You look beautiful Princess, the blue looks lovely against your skin.” She held up a silvered looking glass and you saw the reflection of a happy woman, although why she was happy - no one could know.

“Thank you sweetling, let's get this night over with shall we?” You smiled at her as you both made your way outside.

---

Din, along with five of his best knights, waited for her to set out for Damerons home. Damerons own household guard waited as well, having been sent to accompany her and he surveyed them. They seemed competent enough, he gave them their space nonetheless.

It was getting more and more difficult to put the future out of his mind - he knew that the Princess would marry at some point, it was her duty as Queen. She might even marry Poe - he knew that objectively they were a good match but his mind simply couldn’t stay objective. Not when it came to her.

This whole thing was moving faster than he hoped and he didn’t know what he could do about it.

You have to face facts Djarin, you’ll never marry her. You are a knight, she is a Princess, there is no place for you. Maybe you should just let her go.

It was in him to do so, to ignore his feelings for her; to find Gisela and ask her to marry him - have a couple of little ones and pray for things to work out. The harsh words to get her to hate him on the tip of his tongue but they evaporated like dew on a sunny day when he saw her come out to meet him.

She was a gem- a bright, glittering thing that he wanted so desperately to hold onto.

“I am ready Sir, shall we?” She smiled shyly and he nodded.

“Of course Princess, allow me.” He guided her into the wheelhouse, dreading and cherishing every single second.

--

The ride was uneventful, the road was quiet thankfully with nothing to see but long swathes of trees and greenery in the gloaming of the evening.

Ruby was napping softly in your lap but woke quickly when you arrived, her little tail wagging happily at the prospect of exploring.

“Yes my little darling - we are here.” She was in Mila’s arms when you pet her, the two of you waiting for the wheelhouse to come to a stop.

Din opened the door for you, he was helping you climb down when you heard Poe’s voice sounding out.

“Princess, I am so pleased you agreed to come-” He was striding over, his squire on his heels. “-I am happy to see you all. Please - be welcome.” He was smiling big at everyone as his guards retreated, no doubt returning to their posts. He crouched quickly to pet Ruby before approaching you.

“Hello Poe, I thank you for your invitation.” You smiled as you took in your surroundings. His home was a beautiful sprawling estate. He must have been wealthier than you thought. “You must give me a tour of the grounds - I would love to see the gardens.” You smiled at him as he offered you his arm.

“Of course Princess, I will show you whatever you wish after our meal - unless you’d like to go now?” He paused for a moment.

“After dinner would be just fine.” You answered as he guided all of you inside.

--

You weren’t sure what to expect about his home when the letter had come in earlier but it was a pleasant surprise. There were fresh cut flowers everywhere, painstakingly detailed tapestries hung up on the walls as you made your way to the large dining room. Lush carpets and plush chairs, truly a man who enjoyed his comforts.

“You have a lovely home Poe.” You smiled as he led you to your seat.

“I thank you Princess -“ He turned to Din and the other Mandalorians waiting by the table. “-Please, sit with us. I meant what I said, you are all welcome at my table.” He gestured to them to sit.

“I do not wish to intrude, we would be happy to eat with the rest of your household guard.” Din replied, his voice was clipped however.

“Nonsense. I insist, I dare say the Princess would be more comfortable if you were to join us.” He said it with an easy smile and Din hesitated slightly before agreeing. They all sat, lining their helmets up before them.

Din barely spoke.

He had never been one for long speeches - you were unsure whether it was because of the helmet, or just his nature. The other Mandalorians were friendlier and Poe took it all in stride. You could see that he took nothing personal and treated them just as he treated you.

Aside from Din’s cool demeanor and Poe’s etiquette, the dinner went well. The food was wonderful and you didn’t fail to notice some of your favourites on the menu.

“I took the liberty of finding out what you like to eat.” He said it quietly, not wanting to draw attention and you favoured him with a smile. It was hard not to like him, he was very thoughtful.

Once the meal was done, he fulfilled his promise and escorted you outside. It was much more open than the gardens back home - everything illuminated by torches and lanterns. There were flowers and neatly pruned shrubbery surrounding the large building. You noticed a stable on one side, as well a modest greenhouse on the other.

“It’s nothing compared to what you’re used to but I enjoy it. The kennels are just behind the stables and there are flowers and different fruit trees just to the right there - that’s where they get the most sun. I’m afraid the night doesn’t do it justice, it’s much lovelier during the day.” He was walking you through the grounds, your arm tucked under his as your party followed.

“It’s lovely, truly.” You were sincere and you couldn’t help but look up, the sky awash in stars. “I would imagine you must spend a lot of time out here.” You let him guide the way.

“Not as often as I'd like to, but I try. Perhaps when we marry I’ll make more of an effort.” He said it with a wink and you scoffed loudly but without malice.

“Oh is that so? Well then I suppose I’ll have to change some things around since in your mind I’ll live here hm?” Your tone was playful but sarcastic and you were acutely aware of Din following the two of you.

“Oh yes Princess, I am quite sure. My home is yours and you may do with it what you will. I live only to make you happy.” He was just as playful and as annoyed as you were that he was so confident in your union, it was also aggravatingly refreshing to be able to speak to someone so honestly - better yet for them to respond in kind.

You ignored it, Poe was charming, that’s all.

Much to your annoyance, the night was enjoyable. Poe was an excellent host and it was later than you had originally planned when you set off for home. The woods were pitch black in some spots, it made you anxious to ride in the wheelhouse while the world outside seemed like it didn’t exist. The soft light of the moon doing nothing to pierce through the darkness of the road at times.

Reaching the palace had been a relief and you said as much when you stepped out.

“You should have told me Princess, I would have ridden in it with you - if it would have helped.” He spoke as he guided you inside. You had wanted to, but the temptation of having him so close would have been too much - and as much as Mila knew about your feelings towards him - you didn’t want her to see you kissing him.

You patted his arm in silent thanks and he said nothing else.

When you reached your room you hesitated at the door, wanting him to pull you away somewhere but he didn’t - instead he waited until Mila got in. He took his helmet off and you smiled at the state of his hair. Your fingers itched to ruffle through it.

“Princess, if it’s not too late, I would ask you to join me for a midnight ride.” He waited for your answer and your smile widened.

“Of course! Would you permit me to change quickly?” You didn’t want to ride in such a stuffy gown - as beautiful as it was.

“I will wait however long it takes.” He motioned for you to go and you did - urging Mila to help you once you reached your bedchamber.

“The soft linen dress I think - with the long shift and the heavy cloak. I want to be comfortable and warm.” You changed as fast as humanly possible - all but ripping the jewelry off and within a few minutes you were rushing out the door. The two of you making your way towards the stables as silently as possible.

You watched him work deftly, his skilled hands saddling his horse with ease. One horse, not two.

“Are we to ride together?” You looked at him confused.

“Is this a problem for you Princess? I thought it might be quicker to get us to safety should something happen if we were on the same horse. I could saddle you your own if you prefer - we just wouldn’t travel too far.” He hesitated momentarily and your heart leapt at the thought that he would be holding you so closely.

“I trust your judgment Sir, one horse it is.” You kept your voice neutral and he nodded, finishing his work quickly. Once he was done - he helped you up and pulled himself up behind you. The cool beskar pressed up against your back as his arms reached around you to grab the reins.

Your dress pooled up around your thighs slightly, but your legs were covered by your big cloak but it was exciting nonetheless. You felt exposed, with his proximity it excited you way more than it should have. It felt forbidden, taboo and thrilling to have it feel like he was holding you. You couldn’t stop yourself from leaning back into his body slightly but he didn’t complain.

The ride through the forest was quiet except for the sound of the night birds, the crickets and the creatures that prowled at this time. The sound of the horses' steps, the sound of its breathing mixing with yours as well as Din’s. He rode through trees, through the little paths only he seemed to know and after a while you were beside a lake. The soft sound of the water kissing the shore added to the nightsong and you were happy that he had brought you here. He had been silent the whole ride, but you felt him take his helmet off behind you and secure it somehow to the saddle.

“You should know that you looked exceptionally lovely today Princess, blue is your colour.” His breath tickled your neck and you shivered. You turned slightly to look back but you couldn’t fully face him, the angle awkward but he kissed you just under your ear to let you know it was okay.

“I thank you Sir, I hoped you would like it.” You leaned back into his arms to tuck your head under his chin.

“You wore that for me? I thought you wore it for Dameron.” His hands came up to hold onto your arms as he pressed little kisses to your neck.

“I always dress for you.” You left it at that, hoping he would understand that despite everything- he was the one you wanted.

“Can I confess something?” His hand came up to slowly undo the cloak tied at your throat.

“Yes, anything.” You answered almost breathlessly, watching his hands open up the cloak to expose your shoulders, the skin of your thighs poking out where the dress had bunched up even more.

“You might think me wicked but, I thought about what it would be like to kiss you.” His hand trailed down as he spoke, rubbing at your thighs over your dress and you watched them in the low light of the moon, mesmerized.

“You’ve kissed me before Sir, you could kiss me now.” You turned a little more but he stopped you.

“I wasn’t thinking about kissing your mouth lovely girl, I was thinking about kissing you somewhere else.” His hands slowly gathered the fabric of your dress, bunching it in his fist - lifting it inch by inch to bare your legs to him. “May I show you where I want to kiss you?” He stopped but you clung onto his arms around you.

“Yes - please show me.” You felt is other hand join the fray and soon he had exposed your lower half to the cool night air. Your undergarments were damp you knew it - the arousal pooling low in your belly at the thought that he might touch you where you most wanted him to. He didn’t disappoint.

His hand trailed up your inner thigh lightly, slowly, up until he skillfully slid it into your undergarments. He groaned deep in his chest when he touched your bare sex.

“Right here. I long to kiss you, taste you here.” His touch was feather light on the lips of your womanhood, slipping along the seam of you. You whimpered, no one had ever touched you here and you felt the slick dripping out of you as you let him explore. “Would you let me Princess? Would you let me bury my tongue right here?” He dipped his fingers low, parting you slightly to dip his fingers just at the entrance - collecting your arousal onto his fingers before slipping them out and bringing them to his mouth behind you. You moaned at the sound of him sucking you off of them and you nodded frantically.

“Yes Din, I would let you - I’m yours.” You moaned the words and his other hand held you in place.

“And I am yours.” He responded before bringing his hand back to where you craved it, this time he spread the lips of your cunt open wide, honing his middle finger on the pearl of your sex. He rubbed tight, slow circles around it and you moaned - trying desperately to open your legs wider. He chuckled darkly behind you.

“Does that feel good Princess?” He turned your face with his other hand, twisting his upper body enough to capture your mouth in a messy kiss, not quite aligned but it sent a shiver of arousal through you and you felt yourself climbing higher and higher- his finger relentless as he sped up a little.

“Yes - Gods yes - it feels so good Din, I thought about you too.” You moaned the words into his mouth. “I think about you touching me like this, when I do it to myself.” He groaned at your confession, his tongue thick in your mouth when he kissed you again.

His finger dipped low to collect more wetness and the glide of it was just right, just slippery enough to send you over the edge and you almost screamed. Your body seizing up with pleasure as your sex clenched around nothing. He cooed into your ear as you rode it out.

“You are intoxicating my lovely one.” He kissed your neck, as he lowered your skirts.

You watched him, blissed out and boneless as he licked his fingers before grabbing the reins again and slowly making his way back to the palace.

-

Mila was snoring softly when you slipped into the room and you were careful not to wake her and as tired as you were from travel it took you a long time to fall asleep. Your heart full of love for Din and a hunger you couldn’t satiate filled your belly. It was a craving for his body, for his kisses, for physical love a woman shared with her husband. You fell asleep hoping - though secretly knowing- that he craved you the same way.

—-

As happy as you were when you awoke the next morning, it was quickly dampened - your father informed you that Poe was to arrive at the Palace as his honoured guest. That he was to stay for a time as a gesture of good will.

You saw right through it.

Your parents had decided that Poe was the suitor they wanted for you and they weren’t being at all subtle.

They informed you with big smiles on their faces, no doubt in hopes of pushing you towards him. It was exhausting - this constant reminder that you would never be truly free to live the life you wanted with Din.

When Poe arrived, he was happy - taking this as a sign that he was winning you over.

“Greetings Princess, I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to spend more time with you.” He was all smiles and you had no choice but to smile back.

“It will be interesting for sure.” With the way you felt about Din, the intense desire to be around him was at the forefront of your mind. As well as the way Din behaved around Poe, it would definitely be interesting to say the least.

—

Your father invited Poe to dine at your private table, and he engaged him in conversation almost the whole night. They spoke of the future, of how Poe would help rule if he were indeed to marry you. Your mother smiled silently, happy to let the conversation center around the two of you.

Din stood still behind your fathers chair and you wanted nothing more than to pull him to sit with you. To talk to him, kiss him and feed him from your own plate.

“I would want to help people to be quite honest, extend a hand to those that aren’t as fortunate as us. There are people out there starving and that doesn’t sit right with me.” He was honest, to a fault like he said but you admired that.

“That’s very noble of you my boy.” The king nodded.

“It’s very honourable isn’t it my darling?” Your mother smiled at you and you smiled back, nodding around a bite of your food.

“I’m sure the Princess and I could do much and more to help the people who need it the most, if she would let me that is.” He had a shy, genuine smile for you, tentatively reaching over and taking your hand in his. You couldn’t very well snatch it back but you felt Din’s eyes burning into the interaction.

This could get messy.

“Princess, I would humbly ask that you accompany me for a walk through the grounds - chaperoned by your knight of course.” He asked as the remnants of the meal were taken away.

“Oh I’m sure she’d love to join you wouldn’t you sweetling?” Your mother cooed, and you smiled and nodded.

“Yes of course.” You let him guide you, Din following closely behind.

—

“I hope I’m not intruding - I know that the King and Queen are very keen for this to work between us.” He held your hand as you walked arm in arm and you couldn’t help but sigh softly.

“Yes they are aren’t they.” Your tone came out a little more exasperated than you’d hoped but he was well aware that you were not to be swayed by him so easily, you knew he should expect some hesitancy from you.

“I understand that you aren’t impressed and that I am most likely not your first choice. For all I know you might already have your eye on someone else.” He laughed and you couldn’t help but look over your shoulder at Din. “Regardless of that Princess, I know this must be difficult for you but I beg of you to give me a chance to show you that there is potential here. I believe that in time you might come to love me.” He pulled your hand up to his mouth and kissed your fingers.

“You are selling yourself quite hard Poe, I appreciate that you understand that my feelings for you aren’t where you want them to be.” You looked up at him apologetically, expecting him to have a sad look on his face but he surprised you; he was smiling - content to listen to you speak.

“I know, it’s not in you right now but I believe you will see me in a different light. I have faith.” He left the conversation there.

——

It was hard to find time to meet with Din, Poe seemed to be everywhere and his determination seemingly had no bounds.

Your mother found you as you dressed for the day - she had a note from Poe. He was asking you to accompany him into town to hand out some supplies. You couldn’t refuse him, not when your mother had delivered it herself.

“Will Din accompany us?” You asked it offhand, your voice neutral - your face a mask of nonchalance.

“No your father is going on a hunt and Din will be protecting him, there will be other guards with you.” She said it with a shake of her hand as she searched your wardrobe for an appropriate dress. “This will do nicely.” She picked out an off the shoulder, deep berry coloured dress that was not at all practical for a day out in the city.

It would have to do.

-

He had taken you to an orphanage in the heart of the city. There were kids running around of all ages and the older ones ran towards Poe when you entered - recognizing him. He had a big smile on his face as they hugged him around the middle, all decorum forgotten.

“Poe did you bring us anything?” A boy of about twelve years was eager, looking around you to the entourage of guards waiting behind you.

“Of course, brought all of you some good stuff like I always do.” He ruffled the boys hair before he held his hand out to you, you smiled and stepped forward. “I have someone very special here with me today, this is the Princess. Come on over and say hello.” He called them over to you and you saw some of the little girls eyes light up. They flocked to you, asking you if you were indeed the Princess. Asked you if you had a crown, and most importantly why you were there. They were precious.

“She’s here to help just like I am.” Poe answered for you.

A little girl of about six pulled on your dress and you lowered yourself slightly to be at her level.

“Princess, I like your dress, you’re so pretty.” She was smiling at you, her hair was a tangle but her eyes were bright.

“Thank you sweetling, you are much prettier I must say.” You moved the hair out of her eyes and she smiled wide, her little hand clutching at a makeshift cloth doll.

You helped Poe hand out toys and new clothes and there was food for them to eat. You spent the day playing with them and learning about their lives. The women who ran the orphanage knew him and you saw that all of the talk of helping the less fortunate was real, he had already been doing much more than you had ever even imagined.

It was hard to deny the little spark of something that he held within you.

He was handsome, he was kind and smart- funny and generous and with the way his eyes found yours throughout the day; he felt something for you. His eyes were piercing, dark and mysterious and for the first time, he gave you butterflies.

One of the little ones was showing you his space within the building, his bed and his tiny toy horse. He was waxing poetic about how one day he would be a knight. You were smiling at him when Poe stood next to you, his gaze heavy and it sent a flush crawling up your neck to light up your ears.

The fabric at his neck was crumpled and you couldn’t help but reach up to fix it, your arm extended over to him and his gaze focused on it, reached up to hold it to his neck. He placed a delicate kiss to your bicep and pulled you closer. The act was small, but so intimate it did something to you. Melted a tiny piece of you that up until now was frozen to him and he saw it on your face. Felt it in the way you let him hold you close, your arm still around his neck, his hand moving down to hold onto your waist.

The little boy was in front of you now, asking Poe if he would ever give him a real horse and he laughed, not unkindly.

“One day my boy, one day I will give you a horse - only if you promise to behave and be on your best behaviour. Can you do that?” The little boy nodded sagely promising he would. You didn’t pull your arm away, and you couldn’t pinpoint why.

—-

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[fallinallincurls]

Four Times Nate Embraces Hot Boy Summer And The One Time He Falls In Love

so birthday fics are apparently my thing now. this is for the lovely @tonyspep​ who is celebrating her birthday today!! i’m beyond thankful to have such an incredible, kind and sweet friend in my life who never gets tired of talking about fic ideas or life updates ever. everyday is better because of you. enjoy today!  all the love to you, g!!

because we were talking about how nate needs to have a hot boy summer, this became an idea of gina’s  which she graciously let me write for her and it’s one of my favorite so far! 

gif credit to @gravesryan​

hope you enjoy!! feedback is always appreciated! xx

word count: 9.4k

~~~~~

There is nothing quite like summer in Cole Harbour. The little town welcomes a fair share of tourists during the warm months, but the locals are the ones who bring life to the streets. Most of the days are spent enjoying the sun on the lake, catching up with old friends and creating memories to last a lifetime.

But arguably the most important part of summer in Cole Harbour is that two of the most well known hockey players return home after playing yet another season in the NHL.

Sidney had arrived in early June after the Penguins suffered another elimination in the first round at the hands of the New York Islanders. Despite the never ending pressure and emotions that had been weighing on him in Pittsburgh, most of those worries seemed to disappear the moment he got home.

But for Nate, his season came to an abrupt end a few weeks later when Vegas eliminated the Avalanche in the second round, preventing them from moving on any further. Again. The loss was heartbreaking and destroyed the entire team’s morale and hopes that this year was really going to be the one. As the star and face of the organization, Nate received a brunt of the criticism and overwhelming disappointment starting right at the post game interviews. There had never been a time where Nate wanted to go home so badly.

But this time, he swore the summer was going to be different for exactly one reason.

“You’re going to do what?” Sidney asks, not bothering to hide the shock in his voice. He tosses the ball for Sam to chase in his backyard before facing his close friend. Nate rolls his eyes for what feels like the millionth time since he got to Sid’s earlier to have a few beers and catch up.

“Fun! I’m going to have fun, Sid! Why does everyone look at me like I’m crazy?” Nate says in an exasperated tone, unable to believe how even his best friend thought the idea was ridiculous.

“Because you are? Just a little.” Sidney offers with a teasing smile before taking a sip of his beer at the same time Sam drops the ball at his feet. 

“Gabe and EJ said the same thing when I told them before we left Denver. Well, Gabe did more of the sensible talking while EJ just made fun of me the whole time. But neither of them think I can do it! And now you? Come on, Sid. Thought you would get it of all people.”

“Okay, you want to have fun? You can train by yourself this summer then.” Sidney replies with a smug grin, awaiting the reaction that is sure to follow within seconds. 

“What!? No! That is not what I meant.” Nate’s eyes go wide with panic and Sid is desperately trying to contain the laughs bubbling in his chest. “You can’t say shit like that, man. You gotta give me, like, at least a year to figure out the perfect person to train with. I have to-”

“Nate, I might not think you can have fun, but you do need to have a more laid back summer this year. And that,” He gestures to Nate as a whole, referencing his most recent flustered state and obvious distress. “is exactly why this hot summer thing is a good idea. Having a fantastic season like yours end the way it did, especially with all the expectations to win the Cup this year, is tough. Give yourself time to let up a little bit. Seriously.”

“I am. Just watch, Sid, I’m going to have the best hot boy summer, as EJ calls it, ever. I can relax and have fun. Trust me.” Nate says, almost trying to convince himself that what he’s saying is the truth. But as he takes another sip of his beer and watches Sid throw the ball with the same ease he always carries, he wonders if this is a reasonable idea. 

But he’s Nathan MacKinnon. Nothing’s impossible. And having fun certainly isn’t.

I.

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Nate hasn’t seen Amber Hudson since he was fifteen. Not since he came home for Christmas during his sophomore year and found her in the kitchen with his older sister baking cookies. The flash of her kind smile and wavy blonde hair stuck with him all the way back to Shattuck, but he hasn’t seen her since then. It’s been years

But of course, he should have expected her to be here at Sarah’s engagement party. The one she specifically waited to hold until he was home for the summer so he would be able to attend. Amber happens to be one of his sister’s closest friends so her presence is no surprise.

Except Nate still isn’t ready to face his childhood crush in the backyard of his parents’ house during an occasion that celebrates someone important to both of them. 

Luckily, and maybe thankfully, he doesn’t have the opportunity to get too caught up in his own thoughts like he does before getting on the ice. Because while Sarah is rambling about something related to the wedding, she leads him right to the table of all her friends, god knows why, and he’s faced with the beauty that is Amber Hudson. 

A small rise of anger bubbles in his chest because he has a feeling Sarah knows exactly what she’s doing. It wasn’t a secret Nate had the biggest crush on her best friend when they were kids. In fact, the amount of embarrassing stories she could tell that always include Nate with rosy cheeks from blush and him stuttering over words in an effort to impress her friends is too many for his liking. 

Yet, here he is. At twenty-five years old and one of the best hockey players in the league, Nate knows he’s bound to make a fool of himself in front of this girl, again.

But as Sarah reintroduces everyone for good measure, pointing at each girl who then waves in response, his own words from the conversation with Sidney repeat in his mind.

Fun, I’m going to have fun.

And that’s all it takes for Nate to embrace the situation. This is hot boy summer after all and he isn’t going to let one girl he was in love with for years ruin it right from the start. 

Mustering up every ounce of confidence possible, he offers a kind smile and decides to make the best of this. Now’s the time to finally prove himself after all those years admiring her as his sister’s best friend.

“Hey,” Nate starts, claiming the spot right next to Amber and trying to focus on anything but the way her eyes sparkle or how she seems to carry a kind of grace with her that no one else does. He takes a sip of his beer, using the action to prolong the silence for a few seconds until he meets her expectant gaze. “I’m Nathan.”

It takes all of two embarrassing seconds and Amber’s sweet laugh for Nate to realize what he said. And who he said it to.

“You already know that, sorry. I’m an idiot. Forget I said anything.” He mumbles, already turning away to find his parents or Sarah or anyone to save him from this disaster.

But before he can turn away, a hand gently wraps around his wrist and pulls him back. Her smile is kind, but there’s a hint of playfulness hidden in the tilt of her lips. Nate feels his cheeks heating up even more under her gaze and tries to organize his thoughts so he doesn’t mess anything else up. 

“How could I forget who you are, Nate? You’re just as cute as I remember!”

“I wouldn’t say cute. There’s a lot of other adjectives to use.” Nate replies sheepishly, hoping Amber would get the hint. Except she keeps talking, either ignoring his efforts or further proving she’s right.

“How’s life been as one of the NHL’s biggest stars? You’ve come a long way since the last time we saw each other.” Amber says with genuine honesty and the words make butterflies erupt in his stomach. He knows the emotions are only present due to the reminiscence of the crush that existed forever ago, but he can’t stop the way his heart races. The fact she’s even having a conversation with him is more than he could have wished for when he was younger.

“Not bad. We had a pretty good season, but fell short again. It’s such a great group of guys though, so we’ll make it there.”

“I’m sure. Everyone here really loves watching you play. It’s kind of amazing how much this town loves you. And Sid of course.” 

Nate shrugs in response, trying to hide the smile that’s tugging at the corner of his lips by taking a sip of his beer again. He might not know much about relationships in general, but under the pretense of having fun, this seems to be going how he wants despite the awkward start.

Maybe he won’t be going home alone tonight after all.

“How’s Sarah been with the wedding planning? Have you been roped into any crazy schemes yet as a bridesmaid?” Nate asks with a laugh as Amber brushes her hair back behind her ear, brown eyes locking with his blue ones.

“Oh, trust me. More times than I can count.” Amber starts, leading him to a picnic table where they sit down together. Along with the wild stories of helping his sister get prepared for her big day, they catch each other up on the big moments in their lives over the last decade or so. Nate recounts being drafted to Colorado, a few highlights from the last few seasons and stories from spending the holidays at home. Amber recalls funny memories from college, her graduation and details about the job she’s currently at.

Hours pass and along with almost forgetting the real reason why he’s here, Nate feels at ease with arguably the prettiest girl he’s ever known. It seems impossible considering before now, every interaction with her involved ferocious rosy cheeks and tongue tied greetings. But he’s sure of himself this time, exuding confidence while embracing his promise of having fun.

Until the end of the night when he asks what he thinks is an inevitable question.

After the laughs, cheesy games and exchanges of congratulations over dinner come to an end, the guests slowly begin to leave. Sarah says goodbye to everyone, grateful for their time on such a special day. Nate watches his older sister in awe, as usual, and wonders when it’ll be his turn to bask in the joy of finding the love of his life, the one he wants to spend forever with.

He comes to terms with reality in an instant when he notices Sarah’s friends are all rising from the table to leave. The night is ending and despite still being right next to Amber’s side, Nate feels the opportunity slipping away.

So without another thought, he goes for it.

“Are you, uh, are you going home? You could come back to my place if you want?” 

Instantly, Amber’s bright laugh fills the air while her eyes twinkle with amusement. Pure confusion takes a grip on Nate’s thoughts, trying to figure out what he said to cause such a reaction. 

“Nate, you’re so sweet and if I was any other girl, I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat.” Amber starts, voice soft as she gently rests a hand on his bicep. He can already hear her next words before she says them, a simple rejection that he should’ve expected no matter how well the night went to his determination to have fun. “But even though you’re this really handsome, charming hockey player now, you’re still my best friend’s younger brother.”

“So?”

“You’re cute, really cute. You know that?”

“I am not cute. Literally no one says that about me.” Nate says, realizing the moment is slipping away and he’ll never get the girl. Even if she’s his childhood crush. 

“Well, I am because you’re Sarah’s little brother. And I like you, but not in the I-want-to-go-home-with-you way. I’m sorry. There’s plenty of girls out there just waiting for you and that question though. I can assure you that.”

Nate nods, understanding what she means and accepting his fate for right now. So his first attempt at embracing hot boy summer isn’t successful. He will have a million more chances in the coming months. But something felt different, hopeful, when he saw Amber again tonight.

“It was really nice seeing you again. Hopefully we bump into each other while you’re home. Otherwise, good luck next season and have fun. Always rooting for you.” Amber murmurs, leaning up to kiss his cheek before stepping back and waving. Nate waves back, watching with a heavy heart as she walks to his sister to say goodbye.

Are all his friends right? He really can’t do this?

As he rubs a hand over his face and takes a seat at an empty picnic table to wait for Sarah, Amber’s reminder to have fun silently echoes on repeat. 

Have fun. Have fun. Have fun.

II.

“You have a date.”

“I have a what?” Nate asks in disbelief, tucking the phone between his shoulder and cheek while trying to make his post workout smoothie. The simple statement is not what he expected at all when he picked up the incoming call from Erik. 

“A date, Nathan, with a girl named Holly. I figured you could use some help with your hot boy summer plan since I highly doubt it’s working, so you’re welcome. You have to pick her up at eight. She’s a good friend of mine so don’t mess this up.” Erik explains and Nate can picture the major eye roll that accompanies his words. 

Despite being one of the oldest players on the team, one of the few that was there when Nate arrived in Colorado, EJ is a menace more than anyone else he knows. Whether it’s constantly annoying him during warmups or pulling tricks like this, he is both one of Nate’s closest friends and the worst. 

“My hot boy summer is going just fine, thank you. And how do you know someone here? In Nova Scotia? Like, you’ve never been here before and are either in Minnesota, Denver or California so how can I trust that you really know a girl here?” No matter how hard he tries, Nate can’t hide the scepticism in his voice. There’s no way a teammate of his would know someone here to set him up with. Right?

“She works at Shelby’s.” Nate falls silent, dropping the chopped fruit into the blender and leaning back against the counter. That little cafe is one of the most popular in town and a place that Nate has stopped at countless times before. While lost in his own thoughts, EJ, however, laughs at how the line is quiet. “Told you. So eight tonight, okay? And remember, this is so you have fun so at least try to have a good time.”

“Shut up, old man. Your definition of having fun is antagonizing everyone else or spending absurd amounts of money on horses, so at least I’m doing better than that. Just send me her address and I’ll pick her up later.” Nate admits defeat, knowing that this won’t end until he agrees to the plan. He’s already racking his brain for last minute date ideas that would work with a girl he knows nothing about when he fires the last words back at EJ. “If this doesn’t end well, you owe me big time.”

“What are you gonna make me do? Try to convince Sid to use your gym? Or try to get you out of morning skate after you take a girl home? Neither of those things are going to happen, but keep dreaming.”

“Whatever. Thanks for the date I guess. You’ll get an update after I’m home again.” And with that, EJ chuckles through a goodbye before ending the call, leaving Nate standing in the kitchen reeling over the new information.

How is he supposed to go on this date? Eight o’clock is in like six hours. He has no idea what she likes, what he should wear, if he really trusts Erik and is more worried about the entire night being a waste than the possibility he might be going home with someone tonight. But through all the worrying and over the noise of the blender, Nate hears his teammates’ words repeat in his head.

This is so you have fun so at least try to have a good time.

So Nate decides on a nice Italian place, picks out an outfit that he hopes will impress Holly and tries to kill the rest of the day until he has to leave. The message on his phone containing her address and number seems to haunt him through every hour and he’s relieved to actually leave the house and pick her up. But the nerves of going on a blind date and knowing what’s at stake, his hot boy summer and ability to prove to everyone he can have fun, bubble up the moment he sees her.

Holly is beautiful, in that effortless, doesn’t try to be kind of way. And after the shock of realizing she somehow knows EJ of all people, he’s in awe of how she carries herself and is able to make his heart feel lighter with just her presence. Suddenly, he isn’t silently cursing Erik out for springing this crazy plan on him earlier today.

Except halfway through dinner, when Nate is enjoying himself and thinking how the night will end just how he wants it, Holly’s interest shifts in an entirely new direction. One that’s focused on Nate’s older, troublesome teammate.

“So, you’ve known Erik for how long? Eight years right?” Holly questions, leaning over the table ever so slightly as if she’s receiving top secret information about something she shouldn’t know. Her eyes sparkle with a new kind of curiosity and although Nate finds the sudden topic change a little odd, he goes with it.

“Going on nine which is crazy to think about. Still longer than I’d like.” Nate laughs, swirling the wine around his glass before taking a sip. He watches the smile on his date’s lips grow wider and can sense how the night is going to go. Usually the round of questioning he’s used to is about Sidney, but tonight, Holly has her focus set on the man who ironically set them up.

“Wow, that is a long time. How is he with the team? The same goofy, can’t-take-anything-serious type of guy? I’ve only known him for a few months now, but he really seems like my type.” 

“Your type?”

“Yeah, you know. Tall, handsome, dirty blonde, plays a sport. And I hate to say it, but the missing teeth really do work in his favor. Have you seen his smile?” Holly lists while a dreamy look crosses over her facial features. Nate almost spits his wine out, either from shock that the girl he’s on a date with is literally confessing her love for someone else or the how hilarious it is that someone actually finds EJ attractive. 

This is not how he saw the night going, that's for sure.

“Well, I mean, I have all those things minus the missing the teeth so doesn’t that make me your type?” Nate tries with a smirk, making an attempt to bring the conversation back to them and not EJ, who is probably at some expensive winery in Napa Valley waiting to hear about how this date failed miserably. 

“Hm, I guess so.” She smiles, meeting Nate’s gaze before continuing on. “But you’re young and cute so maybe that’s the difference. I don’t know. He probably doesn’t even consider me to be anything else but a friend even though I’d love more.” 

Nate shakes his head, both trying to suppress his mischievous smile and hide the sinking feeling in his chest. It’s definitely ironic that Holly ended up on a date with the wrong Avalanche player and Nate can’t help but laugh at the thought of telling Erik that this girl is in love with him since that’s all she wants to talk about. But at the same time, it’s another rejection, proof that he can’t loosen up and get a girl to come home with him. It shouldn’t be this hard. Nate knows this, but the simple task seems to be one of the greatest challenges.

“You know, I think Erik would love to hear all of this firsthand. You really should tell him.” The words tumble past Nate’s lips, the subconscious decision to bring the date to an end becoming apparent. Why should the time be wasted if this isn’t going anywhere?

“Really?” Holly asks with an unbelievable amount of hope, her eyes lighting up at the possibility of what Nate is hinting at. With a nod, he confirms her thoughts and prepares for the excitement that is bound to follow. If possible the smile blossoming on her face makes her even more beautiful which makes Nate feel a pang of longing that it won’t work out with her.

“Absolutely. He’s a simple guy and even if he’s a pest, he deserves someone like you. I don’t know what his offseason plans are exactly, but I’m sure he’s just waiting to hear this from you.”

“I like you. I’m sorry. This probably isn’t what you were expecting tonight.”

“You could say that.” Nate chuckles in response. That bashful smile of hers continues to grow as she rolls her eyes and Nate knows right then that she is perfect for Erik. He can’t explain why, but she is.

“But I hope we can stay friends. You’re really sweet and have a good heart. There’s a girl out there just waiting to find you.” She finishes, taking Nate by surprise and squeezing his hand across the table. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her he’s not looking for anything serious at the moment, hence the hot boy summer plan. But he stores her kind words away for when he needs them.

And later that night, after dropping Holly off at home, he shoots a text to EJ like he promised while kicking his shoes off in the entryway.

to the old man: thanks for setting the date up, bro. holly is really nice and can’t believe you know someone like her. and no, she didn’t come home with me because she spent the entire date asking me questions about you. so do what you want with that information

III.

“Man, what are we doing?” Nate wonders aloud, watching the sun dip below the horizon which paints the lake in a beautiful orange glow. He takes a sip from the beer in his hand while shooting a quick glance in JT’s direction.

Seeing his teammate on his doorstep early this morning took Nate by complete surprise. Even more so because JT should be in Chicago where he spends the offseason with his family. But after a quick explanation, the red head filled his friend in on this huge road trip he’s been on all summer. He’s already visited Tyson, of course, Cale and a handful of other players on the team before stopping to visit Nate. So the day has been spent catching up on the last few months of their lives and enjoying the warm weather on the lake.

Except now, Nate is realizing how lame that is. He’s young and in the prime of his life to have fun whenever possible. So why isn’t he?

“What do you mean? We’re chilling on your deck and drinking. That’s what we’re doing.” JT responds with what he thinks is the answer to his teammate’s question. But Nate shakes his head furiously and turns to face JT.

“No, no. I mean what are we doing? We’re twenty-something professional athletes, yet we’re sitting here like suburban dads or something. It’s ridiculous.” Nate says in exasperation, conveying his worry over such an odd realization. “Do you want to go out? I think we should go out.”

“Is this part of your hot boy summer plan? You need a wingman?” JT teases with a laugh and a look of pure shock crosses over Nate’s facial features. 

“How do you know about that? I never said anything to you about it.”

“Josty told me.” JT shrugs nonchalantly as if he doesn’t see the issue. But Nate rolls his eyes at the confession because of course Tyson would tell his best friend, it’s a known fact he can’t keep his mouth shut about anything especially when it comes to telling JT. “He said that Erik and Gabe filled him in on your mission to have fun this summer, but made him swear to secrecy.”

“Well, great. That means the whole team probably knows now, right?”  

“Maybe. Who knows with Tys. I’m down to go out, but only if you promise to bring a girl home tonight. I want to see this hot boy summer thing happen so I can brag about it to everyone else. And I don’t fully believe you can have fun.” Each word is said in a teasing tone and instigating a small challenge that Nate can’t back down from. 

“I can have fun. Everyone thinks I can’t, but just wait.” Nate fires back while rising from his seat on the deck, grinning at the thought that this time he might actually succeed and prove everyone wrong.

But so far, that isn’t how the night is going.

For a Friday night, the bar is a little quieter than usual. Not as overwhelmingly crowded or loud which Nate prefers. Despite the calmer atmosphere, and to both JT and Nate’s surprise, there are still plenty of girls to talk to and get to know before the fun has to come to an end. They’ve claimed seats next to each other at the bar, both nursing another drink each, when a smirk appears on JT’s face and he catches the other man’s attention.

“Hey,” He elbows Nate just slightly, interrupting the current conversation they were having. “What about her? You’ve got nothing to lose.” Nate follows his friend’s nod in the direction of the gorgeous girl who just took a seat at the very end of the bar. She seems to be alone and even from afar, without having said a word to her, she has a clear effect on him. He can feel the way his heart is racing just at the suggestion of going up to her.

“There’s no way, dude. She’s way out of my league.” Nate denies, trying to pry his eyes away from her but it’s no use. She catches his gaze for a few seconds and offers a smile that is full of nothing but kindness. And everything stops. He’s not anxiously turning the beer bottle around in circles anymore or getting caught up in his own thoughts. Instead, he’s trying to keep breathing while repeating the summer’s mantra in his head. 

Fun, I’m going to have fun.

“Not sure if you forgot, but you’re Nathan MacKinnon. Every girl wants you. Go get her.” 

“Fine. But you have to talk to the brunette who you’ve been eyeing up since we got here. And don’t play innocent, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” 

With a surge of sudden confidence, Nate leaves his astonished, but amused friend behind at the bar and walks right to the pretty girl who is still occupied by her own company. He pushes away all the memories of how every attempt to spend a night with someone has failed, miserably at best, and he hopes something about him will win her over.

Even if it’s his status as a hockey player which he hates to admit. Never in all his time playing has he used that to pick up a girl.

But hot boy summer is different.

“Hey,” Nate says softly, each word tender with emotions and apprehension. Her eyes meet his blue ones as another breathtaking smile tugs at the corners of her lips. “You seem like you’re lonely. Mind if I join you?”

“No, not at all.” She replies, gesturing to the open seat next to her that Nate happily claims. He waves the bartender down to order another drink for both him and the mystery girl he hopes to take home tonight. It isn’t until she’s sipping on another cocktail and looking at him in a way he recognizes all too well that she speaks up again. Nate tries to keep his goal in mind while preparing for the question he can see coming from miles away.

“You look familiar. Have we met before?”

“Nope. If we did, I’m sure I would’ve remembered someone so beautiful.” The pickup line is cheesy beyond belief and Nate can hardly comprehend why he said something like that to her. There’s something about her that sets her apart from others and he knows that the ordinary phrases aren’t going to work on her. But she just giggles, making his heart swell a little bit as she leans in and places a hand on his upper arm.

“I know what it is! You’re one of the really famous hockey players from around here. I remember that because my youngest brother attended a hockey school last summer and raved about the days you helped out. Between that and all the talk about you being a hometown boy, I should’ve known it was you.” She explains with a sparkle in her eye and pure enthusiasm in her smooth voice. And although he’s intrigued by her and her beauty, he has an idea of where this is going. “Nathan, right? Like Nathan MacKinnon?”

“Nate, actually. But yeah, that’s me.”

“I’m Sabrina. It’s nice to finally meet you.” She introduces herself, flashing an irresistible smile and Nate nods as they shake hands. Although he feels a little uneasy at her straightforward approach of addressing his career and the strong interest she seems to have in it, he can’t help but let curiosity get the best of him. He likes her, even if it’s just the idea of her, and that pushes Nate to continue the conversation.

“So what brings you here by yourself tonight?”

“It’s kind of a long story.” Sabrina admits, letting out a sigh while tracing the rim of her glass with one of her perfectly manicured nails. A look of despair crosses over her face for a split second before she meets Nate’s ocean blue eyes.

“I have time, trust me.” 

All night if needed.

But what Nate thinks is a kind offer in order for this gorgeous stranger to see his intentions are pure, ends up being a huge mistake. Turns out the reason Sabrina showed up to the bar by herself is because her boyfriend of three years recently dumped her. Over the phone. So after crying for days on end, pushing away all her friends and staying cooped up in her apartment since the incident happened, going out tonight was her first step to bouncing back. 

The next three hours are spent with Nate using all his patience to listen to everything Sabrina says even though all she’s doing, because he asked, is complaining about her ex-boyfriend and how horrible everything is. He tried getting JT to save him, but his friend is no longer at the bar,  probably on the dance floor with a girl and achieving what Nate was aiming to do earlier this evening.

Now, Nate is beyond exhausted and bored out of his mind although he feels bad for Sabrina. She is really pretty and deserves happiness, but he didn’t expect to become her shoulder to cry on tonight. Not when he was looking to take her home and finally say he’s having the summer he said he would.

So much for that idea.

“It just really sucks, you know? One minute, he’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and the next, we’re not even on speaking terms. I bet you wouldn’t treat me like that.” Sabrina continues talking, batting her eyelashes in a way that usually earns her a compliment or an invitation home.

“Yeah,” Nate mumbles, not fully in the moment anymore. 

As he’s finishing off a third drink and trying to figure out the most polite way to leave, he hears his teammate’s voice yell out over the noise that fills air.

“Nate! You ready, man?” JT is smiling like a maniac, happiness on display across his face. Nate immediately notices the brunette who is tucked into his side, wearing the same giddy expression. “This is Kate. You don’t mind if I take her back for the night, do you? Are you bringing her?” He references the girl next to him before nodding towards Sabrina who has gone quiet for the first time all night.

Nate shakes his head, saying the quickest goodbye of his life and follows JT and Kate out of the bar. Once the cool air hits him, he takes a deep breath in an effort not to focus on how much of a disaster the last few hours have been. JT opens his mouth as if to start a round of questioning to figure out what happened, especially because Nate is still alone and not fulfilling the promise he’s set for himself. But Nate beats him to it in order to avoid some of the embarrassment.

“Just- don’t say a word.” 

IV.

“I’m here! I’m here!” Nate calls out while rushing through the door of Andy’s gym at exactly six am. He usually isn't late, ever, but this morning he would’ve preferred the day off. The air is quiet except for the music playing through the numerous installed speakers and Nate is trying to mentally prepare himself for the early morning session until he rounds the corner and finds only a girl standing there.

“Who are you? Where’s Sid and Andy?”

“Hi Nate. I’m Y/N, the assistant who has been training with Andy this summer for academic credit at York University.” You introduce yourself with a sweet smile and extend your hand out towards Nate. He shakes it reluctantly, trying to figure out what is going on. “I’ll be leading the session today since Andy has other business to take care of. And last I checked, Sidney canceled at the last minute so it’s just you and me.”

Shock ripples over Nate as he processes everything you just said. Sidney never cancels and if he does, always lets him know ahead of time. And a session without Andy feels weird since it’s an extreme rarity in the last ten years Nate has been training here. Confusion is evident on his face, a look you’re trying not to giggle at, but there’s also the feeling of wild butterflies erupting in his stomach.

“But you don’t know the schedule. Or my past injuries to know what I have to take it easier on.” Nate lists off, panic setting in with the realization this is really happening. How can he trust some college student to run his workout? He doesn’t know anything about you and the sudden change is messing with his head. 

“All right here.” You reply, waving an iPad in the air for a few seconds. “Andy went over everything with me yesterday so I’d be prepared. You’ve got nothing to worry about.” A soft smile blossoms across your lips while your eyes meet his blue ones. For the first time since Nate arrived this morning, everything seems to stop.

For a few moments, he admires you. He’s seen his fair share of stunning girls in his life, but you’re different. Every part of you is strikingly beautiful in a way that steals his breath away. He can’t explain the way his heart is racing so fast he swears you can hear it or how an unfamiliar warmth rushes through his veins just from being in your presence. Even though your hair is tied up and you’re wearing shorts and a tank top that leaves little to the imagination, you look more gorgeous than he can even comprehend.

And Nate knows he’s in trouble.

But that’s when another thought crosses his mind. It is hot boy summer. Maybe he has been pretty unsuccessful in bringing any girl home up until this point, so what’s stopping him from keeping his promise and having fun with you? He’ll probably never see you again, especially since you’re a student who is most likely only here for the summer. In the end, he has nothing to lose. It’s a no brainer.

Except he realizes that how he’s already feeling about you is different. Which is strange. He’s not here to fall in love. Love and heartbreak is the last thing he wants right now, so he repeats the mantra in his head for the millionth time this summer.

Have fun. Have fun. Have fun.

“So, are you ready? Sid wanted a kind of light day today so we’re gonna stick with the original workout you two had planned.” Your voice snaps him out of his thoughts and he finds you waiting for his answer with a kind of patience he doesn’t deserve after his small outburst just moments earlier.

“Uh, yeah, yeah. That sounds good.” Nate murmurs with a bashful smile while getting in the correct mindset for an hour-long workout. He makes a mental note to call Sid later in order to show his disapproval of being left alone this morning, but otherwise he follows you through the gym while listening to the instructions for the first drill.

At the end, Nate is exhausted. A light workout to Sid is the equivalent to a normal person’s regular gym routine which means he was still pushed to the limits. Despite his doubts about not having Andy here, you amazed him by doing each exercise with him, seemingly without any struggle, and recalling the knowledge about what each movement will do in terms of benefitting him on the ice. 

That only fuels the emotions that are filling his chest with each passing second. The way he’s feeling right now is both new and familiar in an odd way. None of the other girls he’s met this summer have given him that giddiness or sense of peace like you do. He doesn’t know what it is about you, but he knows he can’t let you go just yet. But it takes until you’re packing up your bag and Nate finally stops drinking water, that he gets the nerve and courage to speak to you again.

“So what are you studying at York if this is for academic credit?” Nate asks, catching your attention. A grin that can only be compared to the sunshine lights up your face at his question. My god, how can someone be this perfect?

“Kinesiology and health science. My goal is to be an athletic trainer for professional athletes like you, which is why I’ve been here with Andy all summer. The program requires hands-on experience before graduating and there’s no better place to get that than here.” Each word is full of excitement that gives away how much you love what you’re doing. Nate is in awe of the obvious passion you have, making him want to know more about you.

“That’s awesome. How’s it been working with Andy?”

“A dream. This is exactly what I want to do and it’s been really cool learning about the job. Actually, this session with you was my first one completely on my own. And I think I did pretty well, not gonna lie.” “You were amazing. I’ll be telling Andy that I don’t need him anymore because I have you. And Sid can just fend for himself.” Nate laughs, cheeks heating up with blush at the second meaning of what he said. He sees the way your eyes drop in nervousness as you chuckle along with him, trying to hide your own blush from him.

“I like you, you know. Despite the fact you came running in here like a maniac earlier and acted as if the world was gonna end because I was here instead, you’re nice to be around.” You admit softly, standing to face Nate again. He’s wondering where you’ve been his whole life and unbeknownst to him, you’re thinking the same thing because something about this feels like everything is falling into place.

This is it. Just ask.

“I, uh, know this might sound a little weird considering we just met, but are you busy tonight? I’d like to take you out.” 

“Like on a date?”

“Like on a date. But if you’re not comfortable or don’t want to, I completely understand.” Nate confirms, letting out a tiny sigh of relief at how you don’t seem to be freaked out at all. The leap of faith might actually lead to something good, really good, and he can’t stop thinking about the possibility.

“No, I’d love to.” You reply, nothing but happiness radiating off of you.

“Perfect. Be ready by eight.” And just like that, Nate feels the entire summer turn around. He has the perfect idea for tonight and as he exchanges numbers with you before walking out to his car, he tries to ignore the way his heart soars and the anxiousness of getting everything right. Never in his life has he been this nervous for a first date.

But he’s this close to making his summer promise a reality. Hopefully in more ways than one.

When Nate sees you again later that night, dressed in a pretty navy sundress and looking prettier than ever, he’s speechless. Something has shifted since this morning and he knows it. He wants to take you home, for obvious reasons, but not in the way he’s been hoping for over the last few months.

“Do they start soon?” The cheerful question slips out of your mouth as you turn to look at Nate. You can’t get over how adorable and cozy he looks in his jeans, fitted t-shirt and a comfy flannel. It’s the total opposite of what he looked like at the gym earlier, but the sight of him still makes your heart race.

“Should be. 8:45, I think?” Nate responds with a smile, checking his watch for the time to find the hands hovering right over the correct numbers. “Any second now.”

His grand idea was taking you out to see fireworks on the lake. Nothing extravagant or impressive, but if this is a first date of many, he wants it to be memorable. And there’s nothing more magical than watching the large bursts of color explode over the lake. Nate wanted the night to be special and there didn’t seem to be anything more perfect than this.

“Oh! There’s one!” You exclaim, pointing towards the water as the first firework shoots into the sky before a beautiful shimmering of purple is on display. The happiness on your face makes Nate’s heart soar and he wants to see that gorgeous smile of yours for days to come. He knows this isn’t how he should be thinking or feeling about a summer fling, but the realization that he could have more than that with you seems to have a grip on his emotions.

Because maybe that’s what he really does want.

The show is too short for both yours and Nate’s liking. While the crowd admires each different firework that bursts into pretty colors, you find yourself leaning into Nate, his chest to your back. His strong arms wrap around your body in record time to keep you close while the two of you hold a conversation that’s mixed with sweet giggles.

For the first time this summer, and arguably in his life, Nate feels at peace. Who knew having a beautiful girl in his arms on a warm night watching fireworks would have made him this happy? He doesn’t want this moment to come to an end which makes the question he’s been waiting to ask for months after several failed attempts slip out of his mouth without another thought.

“Would you, uh, want to come back to my place? For a few drinks?” 

You turn around to face him, the last bright colors of the grand finale illuminating his handsome features in the best way. A smile instantly spreads across your lips as you nod in response. This morning when Andy assigned you to Nate’s workout, you hadn’t expected the butterflies or feeling of comfort that he brings to be so present. But now, you never want to let him go.

So under the hot boy summer expectations, he takes you home for one night and tries to ignore the ache in his chest and familiarity that strangely feels like fate.

+1

One night turned into two years.

Now, you’re rolling over in bed to snuggle into your boyfriend’s side for just a moment longer, enjoying the warmth and comfort that’s always present in the early mornings. Especially with Nate by your side. His arms tighten around you subconsciously and when you look up to sneak a glance at him, your breath is stolen away by the sight. A slight dusting of stubble covers his cheeks and his blonde hair is a tousled, yet adorable mess atop his head. Every worry and expectation that usually weighs on his shoulders has disappeared, leaving him in a peaceful state which you cherish more than anything. He somehow manages to look handsome as ever even when he’s deep asleep with you in his embrace.

You take the time to admire him in the sunlight that’s seeping in through the curtains. This part of your life, waking up next to the love of your life, still hasn’t fully set in and is something you almost can’t believe you’re lucky enough to experience. 

Neither of you knew what the future had in store for you that night when Nate brought you home for the first time, but there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than right here. Nate knew it the first time he saw you that you were something special and going to change his life and he was right. Your love blossomed from that first date into days spent laughing, sharing beautiful moments in new places, exchanging kisses full of unbelievable emotion and spending every bit of available time together. Even with the distance and crazy schedules in the beginning, you both committed to making this work because nothing had made more sense than being together.

You might’ve thanked Andy and Sidney several times for canceling that day. Not that Nate knows that. Otherwise, you would’ve missed your person without even knowing and life would’ve ended up entirely different. Who would’ve guessed?

After taking a deep breath and committing this moment to memory, you press a kiss to Nate’s bare chest and playfully push his broad shoulder until his eyes flutter open. It takes a few mere seconds for you to slip out of bed, but your boyfriend’s hand catches your wrist just to pull you back onto the comfortable mattress.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nate mumbles with a lazy smile, his blue eyes meeting yours for a second before he closes them again. His voice is rough with sleep, reason enough for you to crawl back under the covers with him.

But you can’t. A training schedule is a training schedule.

“For a run with you. So let’s go, bubs. Get up, we have four miles to cover today.”

“Four miles? Babe,” Nate huffs out, glancing over his shoulder at the alarm clock on the bedside table. “At five in the morning? You’re insane.”

“You signed up for this.” The teasing tone in your words isn’t overlooked by your boyfriend who rolls his eyes despite a smile stretching across his lips. 

“When I started dating you? Yeah, but the only downside to dating an athletic trainer is having to wake up at absurd times to work out when all I want to do is cuddle with you.” Nate replies cheekily, one large hand slipping underneath the warm fabric of his flannel that covers the matching bralette and panties you’re wearing.

The same flannel that he wore when watching those fireworks with you two years ago.

Over time, the piece of clothing has somehow become yours even though Nate has no idea exactly when that happened. Not that he cares one bit because he adores seeing you in his clothes, especially this particular oversized shirt that has become a reminder of your love together.

“Nate, we don’t have time to-” You start, trying to ignore the look of wonder in his blue eyes. But it’s no use. And who are you to complain about spending the morning in bed with your boyfriend? 

“I say we do.” And before you can argue again, he pulls you down into his chest while wrapping the blankets around the two of you. “You’re not going anywhere this early looking like that. I’ll run eight miles next time if I get to stay right here with you.”

There’s nothing you can say that will change his mind. Not when his eyebrows arch in a challenge and a mischievous grin lights up his facial features or when he places one, two, three kisses to your forehead. You melt into his embrace, resting your head against his chest again while he rubs circles onto your back.

A comfortable silence settles over the room and even though you’re trying to think of how to convince Nate to just go on the usual morning run, you can’t help but cherish the quiet moment. Any time spent together is precious with both of your busy schedules. So despite how Nate shouldn’t be cuddling up with you right now, the overwhelming love that envelops you keeps you in place.

“You owe me now, you know.”

“Oh, I know. And I won’t forget it. But not sure what you were expecting after waking me up at the crack of dawn and you’re wearing this shirt.” He points out bashfully, gaze meeting yours as he tugs at the hem of the flannel. “And don’t tell me you’d rather be running than getting extra cuddles. Because we both know the answer to that one.”

The sweet laugh of yours that Nate swears he would do anything in the world to hear forever slips past your mouth while leaning up to kiss the underside of his jaw. “Sure, blame the shirt and not how you just don’t want to get up and do anything.” You mumble, each word teasing him further. 

Nate laughs along and doesn’t protest because maybe you’re right just a little bit. If he’s honest, he’d trade anything to be tangled up with you in bed during the sleepy first moments of the morning. He’s grown to love this part of his life so he takes advantage any time he can. Even if that means missing a training session. It’s all worth it for you.

Sleep is seconds away from overtaking your body again when Nate speaks up, breaking through the drowsiness that you let yourself enjoy since the planned run apparently isn’t happening. But his voice is so soft that you miss what he says.

“Hm?” You hum, hiking a leg over his hip and moving to look up at him. His irresistible smile is on display, cheeks rosy with blush and that familiar twinkle in his eyes that appears only for you. 

“Did I ever tell you what I was doing the summer we met?” Nate repeats and even though it’s just a question, you hear the subtle tone of uncertainty in his words. You press a kiss to his chest and give a tiny reassuring squeeze around his waist, before holding his gaze as a silent go ahead. He almost forgets what he’s going to say when you look at him like that. Like your whole world is right in front of you, every ounce of your adoration focused on him. 

“No? Besides training and hanging out with Sid, your offseason pretty much looks the same every year.” You reply, brows furrowing in both confusion and curiosity. Your boyfriend shakes his head, strands of his messy blonde hair falling over his forehead. Instinctively, you reach up to run your fingers through his hair which Nate finds immediate comfort in.

Right then, you’re struck by everything that he is. Sure, he's the Nathan MacKinnon. But to you, he’s just the boy who’s stolen your heart and found a place in your life that feels like he’s always belonged there. Your home, your rock, your love. 

“Don’t make fun of me,” He warns with a playful look and a kiss to the tip of your nose. “but I was having a hot boy summer.”

“You had a hot boy summer? Okay, bubs, sure. Who’s idea was that?”

“Ugh, please don’t be like everyone else. Mine actually, although EJ technically coined it with that name. And I did have a hot boy summer, thank you very much. Things just might’ve not been going the way I thought and then I met you.”

“You met me?”

“Yup. Never in my life did I think the girl I’d fall in love with was going to be holding my workout. But after a summer of complete failures because, shockingly, I couldn’t get a single girl to come home with me, you turned it all around. Suddenly, I wasn’t just hoping for one night with you. I wanted a lifetime and that was an entirely new thought for me.” Nate explains honestly, each word holding an unbelievable amount of emotion.

“Oh, bubs,” It’s only a whisper, but pure love and the sense of home fills Nate’s chest. You cup his cheek and gently run your thumb over his smooth skin, a silent show of your affection. He nuzzles against your touch while forming the next sentence in his mind. 

“I’m only saying this now because you’re the most special person in my life. Like it might've taken me too long to figure out I was looking for the wrong thing, but I found you. And you’re it for me. I swear I’m the luckiest man alive just because you love me. Nothing, absolutely nothing, compares to you and despite the stupid plan I was trying to follow that summer, it brought me to you so that’s the biggest win in my book.”

“Nathan,” You pull back and shoot him a look of amusement and shock. “Are you proposing right now?” 

“No, no, not yet. One day. I’m just, I don’t know, overwhelmed this morning. I love you and even though I tell you all the time, it never feels like enough.” Nate’s eyes soften with the confession as he holds you even closer to his body. He never wants to let you go.

“I love you too.” The simple phrase is full of meaning and makes Nate beam with an unmatched happiness. You press your lips against his in a tender, soft yet passionate kiss that makes the rest of the world fall away. Nothing else matters in this moment except for the love you have for each other.

It doesn’t take long for the kiss to break and you both to settle into comfortable positions once again. Gentle touches are exchanged along with a slew of little pecks. Peace and comfort fill the room, reminding you that this is exactly where you belong.

Just before you drift off again, cheek squished against Nate’s shoulder with his arms wrapped around your body, you say one last thing which leaves the hockey player you adore with a chuckle.

“Can’t believe you were having a hot boy summer when we met. Didn’t know you could have that kind of fun. Happy a few of your friends convinced you though because look at us now.” A quiet, content sigh escapes while Nate tries to think of a good comeback but decides to drop it. “Eight miles tomorrow, yeah?”

“Eight miles tomorrow. Unless we just stay in bed again. That’s allowed, you know.” Nate chuckles, brushing your hair back to kiss your temple and admiring you in the morning sunlight. Who would’ve thought such a stupid plan would bring him the love of his life?

tagging some friends/mutuals who might be interested:

@tonyspep @miracleonice87 @hockeyunits @avsfans95 @musiclove-12 @barzysreputation @je-ne-regrette-rien @pebellemare @ilyasorokinn @broadstflyers @breezymichelle99 @zuks @islescanes @honeybearbarzal @ya-pucking-nerd @ch-ristiane @blueskrugs @cherrybarzy @beauvibaby @ims0golden @sourbarzal @idontgiveaflyinggrayson69​

[my-tin-can-mans]

She Knows, Final Part

Wolffe X Reader Fic

Notes: first of all I apologize for this being so late, It took me a while to find the ending because I couldn't get it right and got mad and forgot about it for a couple of months lol but hopefully the length makes up for it. Also, I was so excited to post this it's not proofread very well. Enjoy!

Warnings: mention of alcohol, mentions of blood, Wolffe being mean.

Italics are flashbacks!

Seeing him again in the alley, his harsh exterior tearing at the seams reminded you of the first time you saw him. Actually saw him, his true self, not just the façade he put on for his men and general.

It had been a long day, a very very long day. Both metaphorically and literally. You’d been up since maker knows when helping out in the med bay, the 104th had just come back from a gruesome fight and many were injured, including some of the medics which meant the ones that weren’t injured were picking up the extra work.

You were the head medic of the 104th being an old friend of obi- wan had its benefits, so when a position opened up, and he knew you were looking for a new job, he had pulled some strings and there you were. But of course, practically being handed this position also had its downfall. Most of the men aboard the cruiser didn't trust you very well, knowing exactly how you got this job. Everyone on board had practically isolated you. There were a few you got to know pretty well and that actually seemed to care for you but that was about it.

For the past hour you had been filling out reports that should've been done earlier this day, but due to the shorthanded clones to help out, they were going to be turned in late, the patients came first. You were exhausted, after being up for nearly 24 hours, maybe even more, you lost count after 12, you wanted to bathe and take a rest.

The commander's office was on the way to your cot from the med bay so you thought you'd turn them in in person to explain why they were late, surely he would understand right? Saving his men came before handing in a few holo pages of information.

Wolffe was a harsh commander but you could see that he cared about his men and cared about this war, he just didn’t seem to care for you. It was understandable really, it just hurt you that he couldn’t get past that and see you for who you truly were, someone that wanted to help. Hell why would he think you’d take this position for any other reason, certainly not for the credits, you were getting paid next to nothing to be here.

As you knocked on his door you took a deep breath in to ground yourself, you knew he wasn't going to be pleasant with you, and better to prepare yourself now, you just only hope he understands the delay…

“Enter” you hear from the other side of the door. You do so.

“Sir, I just wanted to personally hand in my report on the aftermath of casualties and injuries after the battle.”

"It's late." That was all he replied. He had been focused on his holo tablet, most likely filling out his own reports of what happened during the battle. He didn’t even glance your way, not a single muscle moved.

“I know sir that’s actually why I’m here, I was hoping you’d understand, you see we had many injured including many medics so we were a little shorthanded today and I felt that taking care of my patients needed to come before the report.”

He finally had raised his head at your explanation. But from the look on his face, you could tell it wasn't the reaction you were hoping for. In fact, it looked far worse than what you were expecting.

“When a report is due at a certain time I expect it to be done.” He had started to raise his voice, “I know you think that because this job was handed to you on a silver platter, that you’re not one of us, that you get to go around making your own decisions but you don't. You're not special, we're fighting a maker-forsaken war out there!"

Wolffe didn’t like you and he never had anything nice to say, but he had never raised his voice at you, never said anything truly hurtful. You knew he didn’t like you but you didn’t think he thought you were some spoiled brat. You were just doing your part in the war, trying to help these men survive, that’s all you ever wanted to do, help.

Your exterior started to break, after being up for so many hours you could only keep yourself together for so long. You could feel tears welling up in your vision and you ready just wanted to kriffing sleep, not get yelled at.

‘I’m sorry sir,” your voice cracked, “it won’t happen again.”

“Mesh’la” his face didn’t look the same as it did in the club, he looked sad… and tired very tired. You hadn’t noticed before in the dark room standing many feet away, but up close, the bags around his eyes were prominent, and his scar, just a glance at it up close made you want to run your thumb over it like you used to.

“Wolffe” you were at a loss for words, the very man that made you want to run away to this alley was now the one standing in front of you. You wanted to do so many things, tell him to kriff off and leave you alone, but you also wanted to stay, to run your fingers through his curls like you used to.

You were bitter. Bitter from the way things had ended between the two of you, and bitter that he had moved on while you were still a wreck. Bitter that he had the audacity to come to 79, sit in your booth with another woman with the knowledge that you might be there as well.

The son of a bantha knew what he was doing. "I-I missed you," he said while rubbing the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. Probably for the best. You thought, if he were to look at you right now, you don’t know if you’d melt or scream at him.

“Please” you spit out at him, “I bet your new girl is missing you right now, why don’t you go back in there and stick your tongue down her throat again.”

“Mesh’la I-”

“Would you stop calling me mesh’la I thought I made that clear the last time we talked you don’t get to call me that anymore!”

"I-Kriff I'm sorry, an old habit I guess" he let out a huff, "I don't think I've called you by your name since the first night we really talked."

You couldn't hold your composure all the way to your room, much to your own dismay a few tears started to slip before you could get out the hallway. Being the only girl and one of the very few civvies on the ship you had your own cot away from all the clones' barracks. Well, not really away, it was actually right beside it, just had its own door.

Just a few steps away from the door you thought you had finally made it without anyone seeing you this way, but of course, the maker couldn't let that happen.

"Hey kid you alright?" Sinker. You and he had gotten pretty close he was one of your true friends since he was always ending up in the med bay. He called you kid, maker knows why you were literally years older than him.

“Sinker, I'm fine just a little tired.”

“Well, I didn't know people usually cried when they were tired."

You groaned. “Sinker, I'm fine really is just, just-“ you sighed.

“Hey kid, it's alright, what’s bothering ya?”

“I- I had to talk to Wolffe”

He let out a chuckle, "sounds about right." He continued his chuckle until he made eye contact with you again, reminding him of the fact that he had found you crying, "sorry sorry, what happened, kid?"

You told him all about your particularly harsh day and that on top of all of that Wolffe had yelled at you about it.

"Hey kid, look I'm sorry. Wolffe he- well he means well, he's just as concerned about us as you are he just tends to show it differently, plus he's stressed right now after the battle, don't take it too personally okay kid?"

"Yeah, I think I just need some time alone to wind down, ya know? I've don't even remember how long I've been up for."

“get some sleep kid.”

“What do you want Wolffe?”

“Well, I'd like to talk yeah?"

“About what?”

“I miss you.”

“It sure didn’t look like you missed me.”

“I guess I could say the same for you.”

“What are you jealous now?” you crossed your arms. Maker, this wasn't fair, seeing him again brought up all your old feelings, the anger, and the love. You hated it.

“I didn’t know you and Jesse were a thing, didn’t take you for the kinda girl to go after a man like him.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Please,” he rolled his eyes. “Every time I'm here he’s got his tongue down a new woman’s throat. “

"Oh yeah?" you paused, what you were about to say was gonna really upset him but he deserved it. "Well, at least he has the decency to not stick his tongue, let alone his dick in someone when he's dating someone else" you stuck your finger out at his, poking the hard plastic.

There was that face again, that typical Wolffe glare he gave when he was on his last nerve, which wasn’t hard to get him there.

There was a knock on your door about thirty minutes after Sinker had left you. He told you to get some sleep you thought. What the hell was he doing knocking on your door now? Ignore it. he’ll go away soon.

But it didn’t, he knock again. You sighed and got up from your cot to open the door, “Sinker what the kriff are you doing here if you told me-“

It was in fact not Sinker at the door. Of course, it wasn't. because your day just kept on getting worse, the man that had just yelled at you not even an hour ago was now standing at your door looking as grumpy as usual while you finally thought you were gonna get some sleep.

“Oh… hello sir, sorry I was expecting someone else”

"Understandable" was all he said. What the kriff was going on here. "listen I uh-" he rubbed the back of his neck, he looked nervous, like he had something to say but didn't know how to, which was a new look for him.

“Sinker told me that he saw you after you left my office.” That little shit. You were gonna kill him next time you saw him. You didn’t want anyone to see you cry let alone him and he had to run off and kriffing tell someone else. And if he told the commander who knows who else he told. “And I just wanted to say sorry. I guess I was a little harsh.”

Maybe it was the anger that had built up because Sinker had gone and told. Maybe it was because you were so freaking sleep exhausted you we're starting to lose your sense of sanity. Or maybe just maybe it was because the man that yelled out you for trying to do the right thing was standing outside your door after all that trying to give you a shitty apology.

“You guess? A little harsh would be telling me don’t do it again. Not yelling at me after I worked my ass off trying to save your men!”

He looked taken aback by that. But then his usual face returned. “Don’t flatter yourself you’re only here because you have a savior complex and you happen to have one friend. We were doing just fine without you.”

That stung a little. He was partially right. You did only get this job because of a friend but you certainly weren't here because you had a savior complex, the way some of these people treated you, you would've left a long time ago if that was the case. And anyway, there were more people you could be helping, that puts you in the spotlight too. The orphans on some planet were always in the news and the medics helping them were practically famous in the coruscant news.

"Believe what you want Wolffe. I'm not here to flatter anyone, and certainly not you." At that, you slammed the door in his face.

And slept. Finally.

“That's not fair," he said.

“And what you did was?” your voice cracked. Tears threatening to slip from you.

“Damn it I don’t know what you want from me! I’ve apologized endless times and I truly mean it.”

“Why are you out here Wolffe?”

“What do you mean?”

“You followed me out here, why?”

“Because I miss you.” His eyes softens, chest heaving a sigh, instead of standing in front of you, he took a step to the side turning around to lean against the building like you were.

“Then why were you with someone else.”

He did it again. The back of his neck had to of been rubbed raw by now. “I-I knew you were gonna be here and I wanted to make you jealous.”

“Wow.” You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Oh please.” He rolled his eyes. “You were doing the same thing with Jesse you’d never really be with someone like him.”

“Wolffe.” You sighed. “This conversation has just made a loop.”

“I know, I’m sorry I'm sorry I just, I haven’t stopped thinking about you day in and day out. You’re the only thing that has ever meant something to me and I can’t give you up. I tried to and it was the worst mistake I’ve ever made.”

Your comm beeping is what woke you up. Maker, how long had you been asleep for?

Dak’s comm number, the clone that was in charge while you were away was beeping, you picked up with a groggy hello.

“Sir, we need you here right away! There’s an emergency.”

Shit. “I’m on my way.”

As you put your uniform back on your mind raced as to what was happening, had one of the clones been destabilized? You thought you had everything under control before you left.

Was there an accident in the ship hanger? You put on your boots and started swiftly down the hall. Sometimes that happened when repairing ships after a mission.

What you expected wasn’t even close to what was going down when you opened the med bay doors.

“Maker Dak what happened?” you asked as you saw him running up to you. The med bay was swarming with freshly injured clones, medics running around and shouting.

"Commander led a search and rescue back on the battlefield. Separatists were waiting for them and they got ambushed when they weren't expecting.

Shit. Shit. It was a mess in here. You immediately got to work, grabbing a pair of gloves, “where do you want me Dak?” you questioned?

"The commander's over there, he's been hit pretty bad by an explosion and we need you to stitch him up, we ran out of energy for the cauterizer on the first round of injured soldiers yesterday. You're the only one with steady enough hands. Everyone else sustained only minor wounds," he kept talking briefing you on what went don't while you walked towards the commander's direction. "Comet told me he sacrificed himself and went after the bomb to save everyone else."

Of course, he would you thought. You might find him grumpy and off-putting but he was nothing if not noble. Kriff, you had to yell at him right before he went and got himself blown up.

"You hurt me, Wolffe." You sighed, "I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you for that." You turned to look at him, tears welling in your eyes.

He looked down, you swear you saw his real eye starting to get glassy. "I understand." He said, "maybe next time we're both on world we can talk again."

"Hey are you okay?" your head whipped around from Wolffe, seeing Jesse in the alleyway, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable I just,-Oh" he spotted Wolffe on the other side of you, "is he bothering you?" he turned to Wolffe, "Look I don't care what your rank is if you come close to her again I'll-"

"Jesse!" you shouted, putting your hand out to his chest and taking a step back with him to separate him from Wolffe, "it's okay we're just talking. I'm Okay."

“you sure?” he gave you a skeptical glance and you nodded. He peered from over your shoulder narrowing his eyes and Wolffe and you could practically feel the eye-roll he gave back. He looked back to you and whispered, "I might be a little afraid of him, but I could take him for you."

You let out a laugh, Jesse was nothing if not loyal to his friends. “I’m okay really.”

“You want me to take you back to your hotel?” He asked, putting his hand on your shoulders.

"Yeah," you said peering back to glance at Wolffe who just looked hopelessly sad, "give me a second though, okay?" he nodded, squeezing your shoulders before letting go and turning to walk out the alley, just before he was out of sight he turned to the both of you again.

“I’m right here.” He pulled his face into a serious expression, “So don’t try anything with her.”

This time you actually saw Wolffe roll his eyes. Knifing hell, you tended to get yourself involved with the most dramatic clones.

"Hey," you took a step towards him. "I'm not ready to forgive you yet but that doesn't mean I won't be later, I miss you Wolffe okay?' he nodded his head, "what you said about next time we're both in town, I think I'd like that, maybe we can start over again?"

He beamed up at your words. “Maker yes, Yes I would like that.” He said coming forwards to wrap you into his arms.

Three hours. It took you three hours to patch Wolffe up. All of which he was unconscious for. You heaved a sigh as you took off your medical gloves covered in his blood and sat down in the chair beside him. You had just woken up a little while ago and were already exhausted. Patching up the commander, who also happened to hate you was a stressful task.

The Med bay had quieted down after the first hour and you assumed it was now nighttime in standard hours because you recognized the few faces of the night shift about 30 minutes ago. Most clones had only minor injuries like Dak had stated and had already left. Leaving you alone in the corner with Wolffe.

“Now I know why those reports were late.” You heard a gruff voice. “you always sleep on the job.”

Of course. Of course, the grumpy commander would wake up after you just saved his life and start harassing you. There was no peace when it came to him. When you looked up expecting to see his usual grumpy demeanor directed towards you, the shock was clearly written on your face when instead you saw him playfully smirking at you.

Bastard.

That was when your medic brain finally kicked in and realized he was awake, "How are you feeling?" you asked concerned, "I know your head probably hurts, but I gave you some pain meds while you were out so hopefully that hole if your side wouldn't."

"I will be fine, I've felt worse."

You furrowed your brows, the man had almost gotten blown up, what could possibly be worse than that? You studied his face when your eyes landed on his milky white cybernetic eye. Oh.

He started to sit up and you swiftly moved to press a hand to his shoulder to keep him down, “Sir, you can’t get up right now, I know you might not feel it right now but you got his hard, I’m putting you on bed rest for the next couple of days.”

There was that grumpy face again as he struggled to sit up while you continued to press him back down as gently as possible. “I can’t I need to check on my men, I've got work that needs to get done.”

"Your men are fine Commander, it's you everyone's worried about. And you can't work right now, I need to run some tests to see if you've sustained any brain damage and in the meantime, that means no hollo screens. Understand?" you raised an eyebrow at him.

He finally stopped his struggling to lie back down, rolling his eyes at you, “I’m the commander I’m the one in charge here.”

"You're in charge on the battlefield sir but here," you gestured around, "that would be me who's in charge." You challenged an amused smirk on your face knowing you had him beat.

He let out a huff and went to cross his arms only to wince in pain. You reacted immediately lifting the sheet from his torso only to see the bandage you had placed on his wound not only 10 minutes ago was already bleeding through. Peeling up a corner contrary to his protesting and trying to slap your arm away, the damn stubborn man had already ripped one of his stitches trying to sit up.

You sighed and scolded him getting out the supplies you had just put away to mend the stitch already. As you got to work you felt a lot more nervous now. When he was unconscious it was easy to heal him, but not you could feel his eyes piercing through you as you worked.

“Thank you.” He said so quietly you almost didn’t hear.

You were almost finished, snipping out the excess stitch and preparing a new bandage, "for what?" you questioned, "Doing my job?"

“I guess.”

“Sir did you think just because you yelled at me I wouldn’t do everything I possibly could to heal you.”

"I'm just a clone," he talked so quietly it was almost a whisper, "We're meant to be replaceable, anyone one of us could easily take my place and I wouldn't blame you if you were to just let me go I know you're not fond of me, especially after our last conversation."

"that is just the most ridiculous thing I think you've ever said, even after our last conversation." He furrowed his brows as he listened to you talk, "I might not like you very much but your certainly not replaceable, and even if you were I'm not here to make that decision. Do you even know why I took this job?"

He shook his head. "My homeworld was destroyed by war, I moved to Cosecant because my family was gone. I only got out because the 212th was sent on a rescue mission. I barely made it out alive." You'd finished dressing his wound and stood up from your kneeling place beside his bed.

"Commander Cody saved my life with a blaster wound in his shoulder. Luckily my mother was a medic on our homeworld and I had been training to be one ever since I was little, so as a thank you to him and the whole battalion I got to work right after we were safe back on the ship."

You sat down in the chair beside him, looking at his shocked expression as you went on with your story, “My life was saved by your brothers, serving you is the least I could ever do to thank you,” you simply stated, “this war is hard and you and your brothers were never given the choice on whether you wanted to fight in it or not, yet you still do and you still save lives. When Obi-wan offered me this job I sprung at the chance, not because of some dumb savior complex you might think I have but because I figured it was the least I could do to pay my respect and condolences to you.”

He took a moment to take in all you had just said, avoiding eye contact with you and staring at the ceiling, “I’m sorry, and I mean it this time. why didn’t you ever tell me this before, I would’ve trusted you a lot sooner.”

You laughed, "would you have ever given me the time of day to listen." You raised your brows, "I thought I was stubborn but you, you're on a whole other level."

He rolled his eyes but a slight smirk started to appear on his face.

It had been about a month since the last time you saw Wolffe in that alleyway, you remained with the 501st, enjoying their company quite a bit.

Tonight you were going out to 79’s again, Fives had insisted you be there, he was upset he didn’t get a chance to dance with you last time.

As you entered the bar they stood in the same place as last time.

"Hey! Look who finally showed up!" Fives yelled, sloshing the beer he held in his hand that happened to be wrapped around Tup's shoulder causing the beer to fall onto his armor, in turn causing Tup to hit Fives in the ribs, "ouch what the kriff was that for."

He didn’t get a response since he immediately moved towards you, “I think you owe me a dance.” He grabbed your hand moving you to the dance floor, but something else caught your eye instead.

A group of clones dressed in grey armor towards the back. "Hey, fives hang on a second." You brushed past him tuning out the whines of disapproval, that you were ditching him again.

You walked up to the booth and they all turned their heads towards you, each one of them having a shocked expression on their face after not seeing you in a long time. "Kid!" Sinker practically jumped from the booth, wrapping you in a tight hug, "what the hell, I've missed you, you never even said goodbye.” You wrapped your arms around him and he squeezed you tighter.

“I’m sorry Sinker I missed you too,” he let go only to put his hands on your shoulder, looking you up and down for a moment.

“Still look great kid.” He winked at you, sitting back down in the booth.

Your gaze went to Wolffe as you caught the end of an eye roll from Sinker’s comment.

“Do you guys mind if I steal your commander for a moment?” you asked.

"Listen Commander I'm only signing your discharge paper if you promise to stay on bed rest for the next day until I can take your stitches out, understand?"

Since every shift since Wolffe had been admitted, all he did was complain to you about how he didn’t want to be here, that the food sucked, (it was the same as the regular cafeteria food he just wanted to complain.) the lighting messed with his cybernetic eye, that it was boring and why couldn’t he just stay in his own quarters.

You finally caved, thinking if you can to hear him complain one more time you might just make his injuries even worse, “fine,” he grumbled.

You signed the papers and set them down, helping him get out of bed, “I’m walking you to your quarters.” You told him.

“Mesh’la after everything don’t you trust me?” he joked. He started calling you Mesh’la a few days ago after the talk you had with him, once you pumped more pain killers into him and his mind went fuzzy, he has whispered it to you before he drifted off for the night. You didn’t know what it meant but you probably better off not knowing.

"I don't trust you no." you stated matter of factly, "but I also do not need it on my conscious if you decide to pass out in the hallway on your way there."

He rolled his eyes. How they hadn’t gotten stuck up in his head at this point baffled you.

The walk to his private quarters was long but he managed to make it there without any help from you. When you got to his door he opened his door and walked in, but what shocked him was when you unannounced followed right behind him, “and what the kriff do you think you’re doing?” he asked.

"Please, you really think I was just gonna drop you off at your door commander?" you crossed your shoulders, "you're just as stubborn as I, if not more I'm making sure you get in the bed."

“If you wanted to take me to bed all you had to do was ask Mesh’la.” He smirked.

You froze. The commander's demeanor had changed towards you. But this took a whole other spin. You never thought of him as the flirty type, he was always so serious you didn't think he had it in him.

You felt a light blush settle across your face. All of the clones flirting with you on occasion, you were one of the few females aboard the ship, but it never really affected you. "just- just get into bed, sir." You said.

"Of course Mesh'la." He smirked, knowing he had caught you off guard. He eased himself down to a sitting position and let off a hiss of pain.

"Woah easy there," you rushed to his side, helping him lie back. In doing so, you happened to get really close to his face and before pulling back, your heart leaped when he stuck his tongue out to lick his lips, you froze, studying his face, his curls had been getting unruly from lying down and instinctively you raised your hand up to brush one off his forehead.

He took a sharp inhale in when your hand made contact, feeling his breath fan out across your face. You made eye contact with him and in a brief moment his eyes drew down to your lips. He looked back up and closed his eyes leaning in just close enough for his lips to brush against yours, a light touch so that if you wanted to, you could pull back, but something in your head flipped a switch and you surged towards him, crashing your lips against his and placing your hands in his hair, he grabbed your neck and pulled you in deeper.

After a few moments you pulled back trying to catch your breath, “Kriffing stars Mesh’la, that was..” he trailed off.

You left out a breathless laugh, "I can't believe that just happened." You rubbed your face, standing up, what the kriff were you thinking. Your mind was blank, not knowing what just happened, the only thought you could coherently form was, "what does Mesh'la mean?" you asked, "You've been calling me that a lot now."

"I-I'm not sure if now's a good time," he said.

“No come on, tell me.”

“Not right now okay, like you said I need to be resting.” He grabbed the covers pulling them up over himself.

“don’t use my own words against me. Tell me what it means and I’ll give you your hollo-pad.” You teased.

He signed, looking up at the ceiling, “It means beautiful.” He murmured.

“So,” you said to him, out in the open air, having just left 79’s. You had a lot of time to think about where you stood with him and quite honestly you missed his touch and were feeling rather bold tonight, “I hear make-up sex is amazing.”

He smirked at you, “lead the way Mesh’la.”

Tags: @louise-12 @rintheemolion @thegirlwhosesilencespeaksloudest @discofern @verokruspes @mundaytuesday

[jortsaaaaaaart]

To Be Forgotten Amongst Friends chp1

Omega! Reader x avengers

Hello all! I revamped my story "ikaros" and this is the new story! Also the name is long rip.

Trigger warnings (later chapters mostly)- ptsd, noncon, kidnapping, human experimentation, Stockholm and lima syndrome

The following chapters will be posted on- https://archiveofourown.org/works/33890977     (seriously- may not post here that often cause i hate the tagging system- go check out ao3)

It's a beautiful day in New York and you're a terrible, no good, thief. 

You were considered New York’s very own Robin Hood. Two hundred ATM robberies in two years, the money flying out of the machines and into the hands of people who needed it. The banks, collectively, had lost over $300,000 from the ATMs alone. But of course, it wasn't just the ATMs. A rash of robberies had spread over the East coast. Most were digital, companies funneling their own money to offshore accounts that wanted nothing to do with U.S. intervention. The FBI were notified, then the CIA, and eventually- after a daring cyber attack against the DOD- SHIELD itself turned it's one eyed gaze onto you.

Nick Fury saw something the other agencies didn't. You had certain gifts that made your line of work incredibly easy. Whether they were natural mutations or some sort of superpower, they allowed you to break into some of the most secure networks known to man. He had almost found you when SHIELD fell and his resources vanished. After the dust cleared he was forced to start from scratch. Hunting you and the remnants of Hydra down at the same time wasn't easy, but, in a strange twist of fate, he found someone else that was searching for you too.

+++

New York was filled with so many people. Most of them were good, in your opinion. (Well, maybe half, actually.) You spent most of your off time working on "projects" or walking around the city. You had become a fixture at the local Bodega. Single omegas were extremely  rare, marked single omegas were almost unheard of. The mark gave you certain freedoms other omegas, sadly, didn't have. It drove away most potential suitors and the ones who were particularly bold would be given a taste of your powers. Once the burrow had gotten used to your presence they saw you as a generous person, but a secretive one. Someone who took no shit even with their designation. You gave to the community and different Omega rights groups in the area. After years of watching you quietly go about helping people you had been welcomed into the burrow's heart with open arms.

You loved helping people in your own way. You loved it just as much as you hated corporations and the police, but when you could make an ATM spew it's contents out into the poorest streets of Brooklyn or make Fox News send a million dollars to Planned Parenthood, you could have the best of both worlds.

At least, for a time. All good things had to end, right? That's what you told yourself as the redhead picked her way through the crowd towards you. 

Seeing an avenger in your neighborhood was an odd occurrence. It was a poorer part of town, untouched in the battle of New York, and too out of the way for any super villain origin stories. In fact, you seemed to be the only mutant in the entire block. You'd always thought, if someone was going to come for you, it would be a couple of FBI agents and not the fucking Black Widow. Your brain and heart went into overdrive as you tried to remember doing anything worth the avenger's time. But there was nothing. The DOD hack had been almost a year ago and all you did was release government files showing attacks on civilians overseas. It hardly seemed like an avengers worthy crime, especially when Black Widow herself had leaked government secrets before.

Any hope of her not not looking for you was dashed when her eyes locked onto yours. She tilted her head, asking a silent question. 

The burst of adrenaline sent you careening through the lunchtime crowds. You couldn't feel anyone on the rooftops but there was a large form blocking your path, trying to box you in. They were stronger and faster but you knew the environment. You ducked into Charlie's, your sneakers skidding on the asphalt as you took the sharp turn. The person behind the counter lazily looked up as you walked to the back. They knew you well enough to not care, they also weren't paid enough to care. The alley would open up into a busy side street. More people meant a better chance to blend in and get away. You were almost to the end when the door opened behind you. Black Widow and fucking Captain America stepped into the alley. For a moment the three of you stood in something akin to a standoff. 

You felt wildly undressed for this life-threatening situation.

"We just want to talk, (Y/N)" Captain America told you, hands raised. The unmistakable stink of an alpha radiated from the captain. You were momentarily thankful for your mark dulling its effect on you. Though, the blonde's scent was tinged with something hauntingly familiar. Something you didn't want to recognize.

Behind him, Black widow's free hand went to her ear. "Target is in the alley between 31st and 32nd," A twitch of your finger and the line went dead. Her hand dropped to the gun at her hip.

"I'm feeling pretty under equipped for this 'conversation'," You replied, slowly raising your hands as well, wondering if they could feel what you were doing. They didn't react and you slowly let your power seep from you.

Natasha was the first to react, drawing her gun and spinning around. Steve looked at her with confusion as her wide eyes scanned the alley as if she was seeing ghosts. She was afraid he realized, a cold feeling settling in his stomach. He moved towards her and you took off running. You felt him hesitate then take off after you, gaining on you with an embarrassingly low number of strides. You tried your powers again, stronger this time, but his focus was unwavering. He was almost to you now and you were running out of options. That’s when the alpha in him came out.

“Omega!” He snarled, “Stop!” Your feet slowed down immediately. It wasn’t as strong as your own alpha’s command would be, but the super soldier certainly commanded respect and obedience. You were forced to stand still, eyes burning holes in the asphalt, as the alpha’s footsteps grew closer. You really didn't want to do this but it looked like you had no choice. Your jaw clenched, and you spun around when his hand grabbed your arm. The blonde's eyes widened as you placed a palm to his chest. 

He barely had time to glance down at your hand before the electricity hit him.

The 1,000 volts you sent into him were supposed to stun him or send him flying, allowing you to escape. However, his muscles spasmed just a bit stronger than you intended. In an instant his grip crushed the bones in your arm and sent the two of you careening backwards into a brick wall. Natasha would find you a moment later, passed out on top of the super soldier, a sizable hole in the wall.

You woke up in an unfamiliar bed, a few blurry white shapes milled about in the corners of your vision. You couldn't remember how you got here, or where here was. All your senses seemed to be dulled. Your wrist was throbbing and each time you opened your eyes the room came in and out of focus. You closed your eyes, opting to ignore the funhouse effect and focus on the sounds around you. The beeping of the monitors, footsteps on concrete, and two low voices.

"She's alright, Buck, I promise." Steve's voice wavered in and out of your consciousness bringing with it the memory of how you got into this bed. "She did something to Nat and ran before I could explain. I wasn't expecting her powers to be so strong."

"I should have come with you," Another voice snarled. Your heart skipped a beat at the low growl. You knew that voice. It evoked a sickening combination of need and terror and you couldn't remember why. "She wouldn't have gotten hurt if I had. What idiot doesn't know omegas are fragile?!"

"It was an accident!" His voice raised slightly before sighing. "I know you're worried, but she's fine."

The scent you had smelled on Steve earlier swirled around the room. Metal and burning pine, it affected you just like the voice had, triggering both panic and yearning. You knew it somehow. The memory was there somewhere, tucked away where it couldn’t hurt you. Where it should have been forgotten.

The scent grew unbearably strong as he leaned over you, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. When he pulled back he wasn't expecting his eyes to catch yours. 

His expression softened as soon as he realized you were awake. "Omega," Bucky whispered reverently. Stormy blue eyes stared down at you with love and adoration, watching the color drain from your face. "Doll?" 

Somewhere in the back of your mind you could hear the panicked beeping of the machines and Steve trying to calm you down. But it didn't matter. All that you could feel was the need to get far, far, away from this man. You didn't know how you knew him but you knew he was dangerous. You knew he had hurt you. That's why, as he reached out to gently cup your face, you slapped his hand away. 

"Get away from me!" You gasped, voice breaking. You scooted back and tried to back up as far as possible. Your shaky legs barely held your weight as you slid off the bed. Pure terror coursed through your veins, it was the only thing keeping you on your feet. You found yourself pressed into the corner of the room while the men stared at you in shock. Steve and Bucky gaped like you had just told them the Germans had actually won WWII. Eyebrows knit together, blue eyes wide and frantic, Bucky looked like he was in emotional turmoil.

“(Y/N), doll, it’s okay. It’s me. It’s your alpha.” Bucky reached out to you carefully as a low purr rumbled from his chest.

You felt the purr relax you and dull your senses even more. It was nauseating. “I don’t have an alpha! And I don’t know who the hell you are!” You tried to shout and grit your teeth but the words came out in broken sobs, betraying your weakness. Who was this? Why was he the most terrifying thing you had ever seen?

Your teeth were bared at this point but the man kept coming towards you. The tunnel vision and rapid shallow breaths were the only warnings your body gave you as it reverted to its animalistic omega framework. Bucky watched as, in slow motion, your eyes went blank as your body gave out. 

+++

Your alpha held your body to his chest in disbelief. He had expected some shock at seeing him but this went far beyond his expectations. It had been over three years since he'd last seen you. Since he'd last been able to drink in your scent. He'd figured you might not recognize him at first. He had changed a lot over the years. No longer under Hydra's control his physical appearance, demeanor, and scent had changed. But your body should've known your alpha. 

"What was that?" Steve asked. "Why did she react like that when she has your mark?" The two alphas were on edge. Seeing a vulnerable omega drop triggered their protective instincts. Steve desperately wanted to take you and hold you close, ease you out of the drop. If the alpha holding you was anyone other than his closest friend and packmate he would have ripped you out of his grasp immediately. For now he'd have to hold himself back.

"She didn't remember me." Bucky nuzzled his head into your neck, nursing your mark softly. After a moment he pulled back and gazed at your unchanged features. He couldn't wake you from this drop that easily. He pressed in harder this time, teeth lining up with the scar perfectly, but there was still no change. No purr, command, or bite was waking you up.

"We should let her rest, Buck. The pain meds will wear off soon and we'll try again. . . Bring her to the den. She'll need to get used to everyone's scents sooner or later." Steve laid a hand on his friend's shoulder. It was a gentle but firm suggestion. He knew tensions were high, the den, with it's heavy curtains and plush blankets, would calm down his friend and the omega. With little argument the brunette lifted you up and carried you to the den. It was aptly named and extremely well constructed thanks to Stark. Curtains blocked off all light from the windows, mattresses were inlaid into the ground, and the temperature was always cool. It was one good thing about being in a pack with that narcissist, Bucky thought dryly.

Steve led them into a cozy corner of the room. The captain hummed happily as they moved the pillows and blankets, creating a makeshift nest for the three of them. The feeling of the omega pressing into his chest was addictive. He couldn't wait for you to remember your alpha.

The sooner you remembered your bond with Bucky the sooner the rest of the pack, Steve included, could court you.