#im one of those ''there is one clear path in and out of the room'' people

[lunar-wandering]

i seriously need to move out cause my room isn't big enough to hold all of my stuff anymore and it's genuinely causing problems

[sungbeam]

nonidol!kim sunwoo x f!reader

you never thought your humble, little podcast would ever touch somebody's soul like it did one kim sunwoo's.

▷ genre, warnings. s2f2l, mutual pining/crushing, college au, fluff, minor angst, humor, comfort, swearing, i actually know very little about anything going on w their majors tbh LOL 💀, uhh sunwoo's a simp but wbk, the outline of sunwoo's abs but if u read too fast u will miss it, kissing, low-key miscommunication trope (im sorry i hate those too), rip sorry yangyang, uhm they're kinda cute i *guess* :/, if there r typos then whoops i don't like editing !!

▷ word count. 28.7k help TT

this is the fifth installment of the love in unity series! this fic can be read as a standalone, but there will be references to the main plotline and all other yns will be referred to as _!yn. ALSO, the second episode specifically has a direct reference to a scene from flight risk, but the rest of the fic won't need any other outside context!

a/n: for @justalildumpling and her chopsticks <3 i dragged myself out of writer's block, pls reblog :'))

EPISODE ONE (PILOT): RHAPSODY… LIKE THE BOHEMIAN ONE?

THERE was something about general education requirement courses that felt too much like a university scam. Why was it required to learn more about things that wouldn’t help one’s chosen career path in the long run? Sunwoo hadn't necessarily been thrilled when he wasn't able to get one of the lower level English classes to fill his requirement, but the 300-level literature class had so far turned out to be… actually interesting. Well, the literature itself was interesting enough. The professor?... Not so much.

There was one thing about this class that he could safely say kept him sane though. And it was more so a person than a thing.

The discussion classroom wasn't terribly full as he strolled through the door with his hoodie thrown over his dark brown curls and headphones, a pretty voice flowing through the ear pieces as he took his usual seat to the side of the room.

"...and we're back! Hope you all enjoyed this week's song recommendation. It's been a favorite of mine ever since my dad introduced it to me when I was a kid. An absolute road trip banger—"

Sunwoo's eyes flickered up to see that the TA for the discussion wasn't yet here, but he lowered the volume on his headset slightly in case.

"—kudos to all the songwriters out there. Writing relevant stuff that transcends time is hard, man. I can't even make meaningful conversation with my graduate student supervisor."

A small smile curled the corners of his lips upward. Just as he anticipated the segment on the host geeking out about her favorite oldies music picks, he heard instead—

"I can't even make meaningful conversation with my other grad student supervisors, you know?"

Wait a minute. Confusion flickered across Sunwoo's face as he checked and lifted one of his headphone ears. That can't be right…

Somebody sat down in the seat beside him, almost startling him because he had his back to the door. It was you, the pretty second-year who he had met on the first day of this discussion a few weeks ago. But he was peering at you now in a whole new light as a smile lingered on your face from your conversation with the class’s TA.

When you felt his eyes on you, you flashed him a bright grin. “Hey, Sunwoo.”

He cleared his throat, fumbling to turn his headphones off and follow your lead in taking out the materials needed for today’s discussion. “Oh, hey, Yn.” It occurred to him just how creepy he was probably being just then…just watching you. But the thoughts in his brain were flying around like mosquitoes around his head—had he been hearing things?

“What’d you think of the reading?” You asked him pleasantly.

The reading from the past week had been the first third of a novel called The Stranger, a version translated from its original written in French. Sunwoo sucked in a breath, grimacing, “It’s not my favorite,” he drawled. “I have no idea what the point of his character is, to be honest.”

You pursed your lips and nodded your head. “Yeah, he’s a little… flat,” you chuckled.

“Is this supposed to tie into the theory that professor was talking about last week?” He asked then, in an effort to actively shift his brain’s focus away from your awfully familiar voice and sayings, and to the present.

“Something about how he doesn’t fit societal standards. I think it’s existentialism and nihilism. Well, at least I think it is.”

Huh. Interesting. Sunwoo gave a little bob of his head, and this was just when the TA turned everyone’s attention to a class discussion about the novel. He definitely hadn’t thought of those terms specifically when reading, but at the same time, he did understand where you were getting that sentiment from. He just couldn’t articulate his view of literature quite as well as you could. That had made you somewhat intimidating to him in the beginning, besides your very cute smile, but he was hoping he could learn something from you nonetheless.

You weren’t even a literature major, he realized as he listened to you offer your thoughts to the group. It was cool, though—you were cool.

— ✶

The Songbird Station was a podcast, radio-esque show that Sunwoo had discovered over summer break, a few weeks ago. The podcast was hosted by an anonymous host who dubbed herself “DJ Dove.” She definitely didn’t mind talking about a few of her personal life experiences; it was easy to simply bar the names and identities. Sunwoo had binged all two seasons so far of the podcast, happily tuning in as a silent listener and admirer of hers for awhile, and he had always wondered where she went to school or who she was, but it hadn’t invaded his thoughts like this before.

Sunwoo laid in his bed the day after the literature discussion, his hands resting on his stomach and his expression turned up toward the violet-red LED-lit ceiling of his room. His phone sat on the edge of his nightstand as it played a playlist of songs that Dove had recommended to her listeners—or well, he wondered if he could safely assume that what he heard yesterday was correct, and that you were DJ Dove.

It would make sense, he thought. You were a sound and music production major, had great taste in music (from the brief conversations you struck up with him while in class), and you literally said the exact same thing that Dove had said over the podcast. It couldn’t have just been a coincidence. And now that he thought about it, your voice really did sound a lot like DJ Dove’s. There was a sort of friendly warmth to both of your voices, and—and—

Knock, knock— “Aye, Sunwoo! I'm going to Juyeon's place now. Are you sure you don't wanna come with?"

Oh, right. He had nearly forgotten that Eric had planned to head over to their new mutual friend's apartment tonight to watch a sports game. Juyeon was a friend of a friend of a friend—the connections ran long in their friend circle, he supposed. Sunwoo stole a peak at his phone screen for the time and his joints ached at the sight of 8:53 on the face. His face screwed up as he replied to his friend and roommate, “Nah, I think I'm still just gonna chill here tonight.”

He grabbed his phone fully off the nightstand this time and turned onto his side.

“Oh, okay. Don't burn the apartment down and don't steal my ramen!”

Sunwoo squished his face down into his pillow, raising his voice slightly since his words would probably be muffled, "I'm not going to steal your ramen!" This guy.

He heard Eric grumble something under his breath from the other side of the door, followed by the sound of footsteps moving farther away from his room. When he heard the front door close, he let out a breath and turned back to his phone. To his surprise, he had managed to absentmindedly navigate away from the playlist screen and to the Songbird Station homepage, filled with a collection of all of your links. One of these links was for listeners to submit song recommendations or ask questions, and most of the time, they were all anonymous with their own little nicknames.

He had never fully considered doing it… but that didn’t mean he hadn’t ever partially thought about it. He definitely imagined becoming one of Dove’s more frequent anonymous submitters and becoming friends with her—on a level that one could consider oneself friends between two anonymous users, at least.

But up until now, he hadn’t thought that he could do it. Well, because Dove was Dove; he was one of hundreds of listeners.

“But she’s Yn,” he thought aloud to himself, turning back onto his back to speak to the ceiling, as if the layer of plaster above his head could possibly give him a viable answer. “There’s probably a reason she doesn’t use her actual name,” he pondered further, expression contorted into deep contemplation. “This feels wrong!” He groaned.

There was at least one person he could count on to deal with his bullshit.

sunwoo’s phone: yes or no

tree rat: no

“Well, screw you, too,” Sunwoo huffed as he swiped out of his and Changmin’s text chain. Out of all the times Changmin said “no” randomly, it had to be this time.

It didn’t matter much anyway though. Sunwoo went back to the links page and clicked on the anonymous submissions. He was met with a customized greeting page from the hostess herself, as she thanked her listeners and asked what they’d like to contribute to the show.

Sunwoo moved to sit up against his headboard as he racked his brain for something to say. He had tons to say, but the first message had to be perfect, right?

“It’s fine,” he said out loud, thumbs flying over the keyboard to type out the first thing that came to mind. After all, it was completely anonymous, so it wasn’t like she would—or you would—even know it was him.

He probably read over his little paragraph about a hundred times before attempting to figure out an anonymous name to sign off with. He hugged his knee to his chest when he couldn’t come up with something cool, charming, or unique. Maybe he would stay completely unknown for now. Maybe he wouldn’t even have the courage to submit another message after this one anyway!—

"Rhapsody," he said aloud. Rhapsody was a cool word. Rhapsody anon? Was that who he would sign as?

He did the most logical course of action: look up the word. He asked the internet for its most basic definition, then somehow ended up in the rabbit hole of etymology of the word rhapsody. It described one who stitched verses or songs together—something of the sort. It sounded cool, at least.

It would have to do… and even if you—or DJ Dove—thought it was stupid, no one would know it was him.

Before he could psych himself out of it, Sunwoo pushed the submit button and launched his phone away from him onto the bed like it was explosive. There was something thrilling about anonymous submissions, but incredibly anxiety-inducing, as well. He could only hope that you would be pleased to read it.

— ✶

It was Wednesday when the next episode of the podcast dropped, and Sunwoo was swift to don his headphones on his way out the door of the apartment. The walk to campus was a good fifteen or so minutes, which would get him about a quarter of the way through the episode, but usually the line in the campus cafe was long, so he had plenty of time to listen.

“Welcome to Songbird Station! I’m your host, DJ Dove, and today, I went to my Groupon singing lesson and realized that I think my teacher is having an affair with her neighbor…?”

Sunwoo let out a snortish laugh, covering his mouth with his hoodie sleeve in slight embarrassment as he passed by somebody else going in the opposite direction. Usually, there would be anonymous submissions sprinkled throughout the episode, most of them having to be diverted to later episodes because they were song recommendations. Sunwoo wasn’t super optimistic about his chances of being featured in this episode, but a guy could dream, couldn’t he?

The sky was a pleasant shade of crystalline blue, even as the seasons shifted from summer to fall. There was a slight breeze wafting through the air that brought in the telltale autumnal chill.

"...and luckily the rest was history. My voice was completely dead and my throat is still a little sore, haha, so we'll do a couple more anonymous submissions and recommendations today! This is supposedly a radio show-esque podcast, after all. This one's from a new friend—Rhapsody Anon!"

Sunwoo nearly tripped over the flat sidewalk and sent a nervous smile to the other person waiting at the stoplight with him. Did you just say what he thought you said?

There came a soft laugh from you. "Ooh, like Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? Such a classic, by the way. Rhapsody says: Hi Dove! Hoping you're doing alright and that songwriting is going well. I'm a relatively new listener but a fan from first listen—awh, wait… that's kind of like love at first sight but for the voice version, isn't it?"

He reddened. The crosswalk turned green.

"Anyways, that's really sweet; thanks so much—there's a bit more of the message that I'll post on my story later so we can save time, but Rhapsody, thank you for tuning in and interacting with me. Your message sounded so heartfelt to me? I dunno," you chuckled and he swore he could hear the smile in your voice, "maybe I'm a little biased 'cause I love your song rec, too. Speaking of which, Rhapsody recommends Painkiller by Ruel! An immaculate choice, if I do say so myself…"

Sunwoo couldn't help but smile to himself at your warm reception of his anonymous submission. He wished he could have gotten your full reaction to his entire message, but he understood that you needed to account for all the other things you had planned.

Even so, an acknowledgement from you would have been enough. He hadn't thought it was possible, but he thought he just became even more attached to this DJ Dove persona.

EPISODE TWO: I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY.

three months later.

THE curtains in Sunwoo's room were yanked open, the sound of metal rings against the metal bar scratched at his eardrums and made him grimace. It definitely did not help the pounding in his cranium, and—wait, was he in jeans? There was a disgusting after taste in his mouth, something akin to alcohol, and when he lifted his hand to rub his eyes, he felt dried tear tracks on his skin.

Eric stood at the foot of his bed with a scowl and his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm mad at you."

Sunwoo smooshed his face into his pillow in a sorry attempt to hide his eyes from the blinding overcast sky outside. "What's new?" He babbled incoherently.

It seemed his friend and roommate was not pleased with his answer and moved to tower over Sunwoo right beside him. "You couldn't have waited ten minutes before barging in? I was so close to kissing her!"

"Huh? What the hell are you…" Sunwoo's voice trailed off as the events of last night were slowly coming back to him.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Ugh. He remembered making plans to go to some singles party with Changmin and Chanhee, and that Eric was bringing EC!Yn over to woo her or something… yeah, he got all that. So why did Sunwoo drink so much and why couldn't he…

The notification… the tweet…

Oh no.

The emotions from last night came rushing back to him like the tide to shore. Horror contorted his face as his brain raced to string pieces of last night together. He released a groan as he brought both hands up to his face. "Oh my god," he muttered into his palms.

The distinct feeling of devastation and disappointment sank into his gut. No wonder he had thrown all caution to the wind last night and gotten himself drunk off his face.

"How bad?" He asked.

Eric still had his arms crossed. "You cried on EC!Yn like a whale and asked why women were perfect and why you couldn't have this one girl." By the drone of Eric's voice, he hadn't been pleased or amused by last night's events. Whoops.

"I'm—"

"You are going to be forever alone, by the way."

Sunwoo dropped his hands from his face and leveled a scowl up at Eric. Now, that he remembered saying, too. Unfortunately. "Hey! I'm still tender from last night."

Eric's smile was sarcastic and he said nothing as he made his exit from Sunwoo's room and left the hungover man to fend for himself. Left to his own devices, Sunwoo pushed out a harsh exhale as he stared up at the ceiling.

He remembered receiving the notification from the Songbird Station Twitter account and excusing himself to go to the bathroom to hear your voice memo. And when he'd finally found an empty bathroom and played it back, he learned a devastating piece of information.

Guys, I went on a date… updates in the next episode. That was what you had said, essentially—you, Yn Ln, the girl Sunwoo had met in his literature course last quarter and whom he had figured out was the anonymous host of the podcast Songbird Station under the pseudonym DJ Dove.

And he had gotten drunk over the fact that you'd gone out on a date, and said date hadn't been him.

"Dude," he said out loud to himself.

He couldn't believe he had gotten so off his rocker by this news. It wasn't like he knew you or liked you or—well, maybe he had grown an affection for you over the span of time he listened to your podcast and interacted with you via his own pseudonym, Rhapsody Anonymous.

But he was just another fan to you, and you would never know his identity.

A guy could dream though, right?

A thought suddenly occurred to him as he rolled over to go through the copious amounts of notifications on his phone he had. There were lots of messages in his group chat with Chanhee and Changmin that he would deal with later, lots of social media notifications, emails, and…

Wednesday. Today was Wednesday.

Sunwoo cursed. You were definitely uploading the episode today then.

He bit his lip as he sorted through the notifications to find one about the podcast. Sure enough, there it was: I Went On A Date? was the title, and he pretended like that didn't make him want to play Lany's Valentine's Day on loop—

The bedroom door opened and Eric poked his head into the room. "I made hangover soup."

Sunwoo blinked in surprise. "Oh. Thanks, man."

"Yeah, don't mention it," Eric mumbled, shifting on his feet. "Seriously, don't mention it."

— ✶

For the next couple of days, Sunwoo left the notification at the top of his phone, pretending like it wasn’t there. It had worked for about five minutes, but the remainder of time he was stubborn, he allowed his imagination to get the better of him. Although he no longer needed to take a literature course, he found himself deeply considering the vague title you had provided. Well, what could you mean by that question mark at the end? Had it not gone well? There was no way it could have, since your tone didn’t really scream “OH MY GOD I WENT ON A DATE!!!” (not that Sunwoo had imagined what he would have acted like post-date with someone like you or anything…). He didn’t even know who you had gone on a date with, and that made his stomach churn.

The curiosity devoured him alive over the two days he managed to torture himself with his overthinking. No one knew he listened to the Songbird Station podcast, and he planned to keep it that way. It would be the absolute death of him if any of his friends found out.

By Saturday morning, Sunwoo had had enough of his own stubbornness and caved. He donned his headphones, grabbed his bag, and headed out the door to do some work in a cafe located on the Ave. There was one that his friend Jacob had recommended to the group awhile back, and Sunwoo hadn’t looked back since.

As he tuned into the episode, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, shivering against the cold, winter winds. February weather was a doozy, and a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate sounded so very sexy right this moment.

“Welcome to Songbird Station! I’m your host, DJ Dove, and you’re probably wondering what the title of this episode even means, or why I sent that weird, cryptic voice message the other night.”

The traffic light turned green, and Sunwoo began to cross the road, the coffee shop in sight. His hands were beginning to get clammy in his pockets.

“Don’t riot, but friends, it means exactly what it says—” As you exhaled out a breathy kind of laugh, Sunwoo inhaled sharply.

“Helpful,” he muttered under his breath as he pushed into the warmth of the coffee shop. He shook the cold out of his body before hopping into the line to order.

“ —I did actually land myself a date yesterday. Honestly, I’m not really much of a dater; I never really had time with it over the past years because I would, uh… well, I would rather stay in and do music, y’know?”

The corners of Sunwoo’s lips curled up into a smile. Maybe he had been nervous before about this episode’s topic of choice, but he should have had more faith in you. Rather than speak about the date the entire episode, you always managed to worm in a discussion about your passions, and that was the kind of talk that had first gotten Sunwoo hooked. There was something so attractive about hearing or witnessing a person gush about their passions and ambitions—the way their eyes lit up, their posture righted itself, how they smiled so big that one could hear it in their tone of voice.

He was happy that you went out on a date, because you deserved to meet someone who treated you as special as you were. You were a good person, and it wasn’t fair that he was being so salty about it, especially when he was too chicken to—

“Sunwoo?”

His soul practically fell out of his body. “Shit—” He swore, yanking his headphones down with eyes as wide as the earphones. He whirled around to greet you with a flushed face, red like the old Christmas decorations still hanging up from the crown moldings.

You were standing right behind him with a mildly amused look on your face, your lips pressed into a smile and eyes crinkled in absolute delight. You were similarly bundled up like he was to no doubt shield you from the cold on your way here. “Sorry I scared you! I probably should have, like, tapped your shoulder or something, huh?”

Sunwoo let out a nervous laugh and cupped the back of his neck, the skin there warm to the touch. “Oh, uh, no problem at all. I just kinda…”

“Get scared easy?” You offered.

He huffed with a sheepish sort of smile. “No, no that’s not it. I—I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.” Inwardly, he winced. The fact that he was listening to your voice in his ears, and you just happened to say his name at the same time and appear in the same exact coffee shop as him. Weren’t there fifteen of these places on the block? There was no way you just happened to choose this one at this moment.

You chuckled, playing along. “Ah, I see, I see. We haven’t seen each other since fall quarter though. How have you been?”

You and Sunwoo inched up with the line, so the two of you now stood side by side. Sunwoo was trying everything he could to calm the racing of his heart. Play it cool, dude. “I’ve been okay…ish,” he grimaced, re-thinking his answer. “You know winter quarter is always the worst.”

“For sure,” you replied. “It’s so cold and dreary—nobody wants to leave their apartments, especially me,” you joked.

Sunwoo was about to chime in on how he could totally relate to that, when you popped the question: “And then there’s Valentine’s Day. Crazy how it never seems to rain on Valentine’s Day, though, so people can go out. Did you do anything for it?”

Sirens commenced their screeching in his head. WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO! Don’t let her know how much of a loser you were! He coughed, reaching up to scratch his head. “Uh, nothing special in particular, if that’s what you mean. A couple of my friends and I just went to this singles party.” Would that give you the wrong idea? Probably not, right? Why was he so bad at this, he thought, wasn’t he supposed to be a communications major?

You inched up in line. “Oh, that’s cool. I think I went to one in freshman year at my old uni,” you said.

Before he could stop himself, he said, “I almost forgot you transferred this year.” He knew that one from the podcast when you talked about the struggles of being a transfer student and having to almost “redo” your entire first year experience, social-wise. But you had also told him that when you and he had worked together in your shared class last quarter; it was just that the two of you didn’t really talk much about your old university much after that.

“It’s okay,” you smiled, nudging his arm with yours as a gesture for him to order first. “Not many people remember.”

Sunwoo wanted to protest, maybe to reassure you that it wasn’t that easy to forget something like that, but he was forced to switch gears and order his hot beverage first before he could say anything else to you. After he said goodbye to five more dollars, he stepped aside and made his way over to the pick-up counter to wait for you and his drink.

When you were done, you sidled up beside him, hands tucked into the folds of your coat.

Come on, say something, his inner voice chided. “So, uh, how was your Valentine’s Day?”

He immediately regretted it. Out of everything he could have asked, he had to go with the one topic he really didn’t want to hear about. However, it had been one of the logical progressions of the conversation, and who knew? Perhaps it wouldn’t lead to him feeling like he’d been shot down with lightning? (Was he being a little dramatic? Yes. Did it matter? Not when no one was going to hear him, no.)

You let out a small laugh and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “It was okay,” you replied.

It was… it was okay? What was he supposed to do with that answer—

“I mean,” you continued with a smile that looked more like a grimace, “it was—fine! It was fine. Uhm…”

Sunwoo’s thoughts came to a slow, teetering stop. Worry began seeping into the cracks of his brain as new scenarios formed. “Hey, if you’re uncomfortable talking about it, then we don’t have to talk about it.” All of the nerves and envy from before was becoming something softer in concern for your response.

“No! No, it’s okay. I promise,” you reassured him. The look you gave him was earnest, and he felt the fist tucked into his pocket gradually relax a bit. “It’s just weird putting it into words, y’know? I kind of chickened out of talking to my friends about it, and even to—” You stopped yourself short, and he could see you backpedaling in your brain. “Anyways, it just felt weird? I think it would have been a really nice night if I actually saw him in that light. But at the same time, I kind of want to try and give it a chance. Does that make sense?”

He nodded, tension falling out of his shoulders. “It does. I mean, sometimes there’s just no spark, y’know?” He added. “I was just worried he did something to make you uncomfortable or something.”

“Oh, no, nothing like that. You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay, that’s good,” he murmured, licking his lips. “I’m just curious—” he piped up, “—and you don’t have to tell me, but who did you go out with?”

One of the baristas from behind the counter called your names, and the two of you both stepped forward. Sunwoo took a long stride to get there before you, and handed you your cup for you.

You murmured a “thanks” to him first before stirring in a packet of sugar. “Liu Yangyang. Do you know him?”

Did he? Yangyang was one of the people Sunwoo recognized from not only around campus, but as a person who made music online, too. Even if Yangyang was in the same year as him, Sunwoo always admired the man’s flow and way with words. It made so much sense that Yangyang would pursue you, someone equally talented and charismatic, especially if the two of you were the same major.

A tightening sensation creeped into Sunwoo’s chest as he marinated on the revelation further. If you couldn’t see someone like Yangyang in a romantic light, then where did that put himself?

As Sunwoo let his intrusive thoughts get the best of him, you finished preparing your coffee.

“I’ve gotta run now,” you told him with a soft-cornered grin. “It was nice seeing you, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo managed a smile back at you, head bobbing in some semblance of a nod, before you were exiting the shop. He stood there for a moment to gather his wits, his thoughts, and his dignity.

“Did that really just happen?” He muttered to himself. He took his coffee with him to find an empty table and retrieved his study materials from his bag. Technically, he didn’t even have to listen to the rest of the podcast, but… who was he kidding?

EPISODE THREE: HEART TO HEART

“YOU’RE coming with me to the practice rooms, right?” Ji Changmin trailed behind Sunwoo as the two of them shouldered into Sunwoo and Eric's shared apartment with their bags and leftovers from today's lunch. It had been about a week and a half since he had bumped into you at that café and he had been feeling over the interaction since.

Sunwoo popped open the refrigerator while his friend perched on one of the breakfast bar stools, his duffle bag dumped at his feet. "Uh, yeah. 'Course, hyung," he said, shifting some groceries from JC!Yn around to make space for his white plastic container.

A thought occurred to him, and he groaned. "But you're gonna have to go first—without me," he clarified. He grabbed the carton of orange juice out to pour himself a glass, facing his friend's curious look.

Changmin's brows furrowed. "Wait, why not?"

It was a reasonable question, as it went against Sunwoo's normal pattern of behavior. Usually, Sunwoo would tag along with Changmin to the practice rooms at the back of the performing arts building. Changmin was a dance major, and with the highly anticipated winter dance showcase just around the corner, it was important that he got that practice in. Plus, with Eric out of town for an away game, Sunwoo was left alone in the apartment, which wasn't exactly his favorite thing. He would much rather go out and be around other people… unless there was something else occupying him.

Today, that certain occupation came in the form of your first live podcast session, something you were trying out. It was just going to be a live audio stream, so you could stay anonymous with your pseudonym, and answer people's submissions live. You had been advertising it for the past week, having excluded the weekly podcast in order to prepare for today.

Sunwoo was excited as you were and wanted to support you and be one of the people tuning in live. This was important to him, and he had even gone so far as to plan out his day.

"I just have something I need to turn in before the day ends," he said easily, shoulders lifting in a half-hearted shrug. He lifted the glass of orange juice to his mouth for a languid gulp.

Changmin made a teasing noise of disappointment. "Aye, you know if Chanhee were here he'd be on your ass, right?" He chuckled, the dimple of his smile pressing into his cheek.

Sunwoo pouted when he lowered the glass. "If Chanhee or JC!Yn were here, I wouldn't have admitted to procrastination. I have self-preservation skills."

"And you don't think I'd be on your ass?" Changmin gasped dramatically with a hand pressed to his chest.

With tongue in cheek, Sunwoo grinned amusedly. He shook his head, adjusting the hood pulled over him. "Hyung, you can't ding me for procrastination when you procrastinate religiously. Remember that one time you had to beg Professor Ka—"

"Yah! Nobody asked for specifics!"

Sunwoo's chuckle turned into nervous laughter as Changmin reached across the island with a claw-shaped hand. "Ah! No! You stay away—go practice!"

Changmin snickered. "Chicken."

Soon after, Changmin indeed took his leave to head over to the performing arts hall. Sunwoo drained the juice in his cup and refilled it before making a beeline for his bedroom.

The livestream was projected to last for an hour, about the length of a usual episode, but you did say the timing wasn't set in stone. Sunwoo set himself up at his desk, signing into the platform you always used. Over the past couple of months he was Rhapsody, he'd become one of your regulars, suggesting new and old songs from his music library, talking about his day or week or something the last podcast had reminded him of. He liked to think that the two of you were friends—parasocially.

A guy could dream, right?

He was on his phone when the waiting room faded and became a split screen: one half with a sketched sign that read "ON AIR: COMING TO YOU LIVE!" with a little dove in headphones, and the other half was a live chat feed that people who were tuned in could use. There was both a public and private feature, and Sunwoo kept his on the public chat, unafraid of what a bunch of other people behind anonymous names and screens could do to scare him.

"Oh! Woah, I think that worked," came your voice, loud and clear, through his laptop speakers.

He smiled to himself, reaching over to settle his fingers on his keyboard. A tingling feeling bubbled up inside him, starting from his toes and rocketing up through his chest. He could actually talk to you in real time today.

You clapped lightly on the other side, relief pouring through your voice. "Thank god. I'm supposed to be good with some computer programs, but this livestream feature is kind of new. How're we doing, everyone? It seems…" A couple clicks from your end, "... We've got some more people rolling in. I'll give it a couple minutes, but let me know who we've got here today! It's so cool seeing you guys live!"

Sunwoo was swift to type out a greeting message: Dovey hi!! He paired it with a little, hand-waving emoji.

The small gasp of delight from you had him giggling to himself. "Oh my god, Rhapsody! Hi, best friend, welcome in! We might actually be able to hold a conversation for once," you chuckled.

rhapsody anonymous: yeah fs haha

rhapsody anonymous: did u have a good week? it felt weird without an ep from u 🤧

"Oh! Yeah, haha, sorry about that—”

He rushed to type as you continued with answering his question: No no! Don’t worry, I don’t blame you or anything lol it’s just something I look forward to every week.

“...Ah,” you said after skimming over his message. “Understood—and aw, I’m glad it’s something you look forward to every week. That makes me really happy to hear… oh! It looks like the numbers are becoming a little stagnant, so I’m gonna get started. Hi, everyone! Welcome to the live edition of Songbird Station. I’m your host…”

— ✶

An hour later, Sunwoo ended up seated at the kitchen counter, drinking orange juice straight out of the nearly-depleted carton, while the livestream continued on. The whole experience had been one of a kind, and by the way you were able to seamlessly speak and engage with your audience for the entire time made Sunwoo feel warm and fuzzy. He was glad this was working out for you.

There was a gradual lull in conversation, however, and you were just wrapping up your last topic to bring your first livestream to an organic stop.

“...wanna thank you all for being here, of course. 57 people listening to my voice for over an hour is kind of crazy, but this was a lot of fun!...”

Sunwoo was just about to start typing up a message to you when his phone buzzed on the counter beside his laptop. He startled, fumbling with the device and grumbling under his breath until he saw who it was and picked up the call.

“Hyung?” He squeezed the phone between his ear and shoulder, attempting to finish his private message to you. I was wondering if I could…|

Changmin’s voice came out breathy and panting like he had just finished a run-through. “Hey, are you done with your assignment yet?”

I was wondering if I could hang back for…| “Huh?” Why couldn’t he multitask, for god’s sake? I was wondering if I could hang back for a minute? If it’s weird though, then it’s no problem…|

No, that wasn’t weird, right? Totally not. He pressed the 'enter' key, satisfied with the message.

“What were you saying?” Sunwoo asked and picked up the phone with his hand. His eyes flickered back to his laptop screen to find that you had sent him a private message back.

Changmin let out a grumbling sigh. “I was just thinking—”

“Uh oh,” Sunwoo joked.

He could hear his friend’s eye roll from here. “When you get here Kim Sunwoo…”

“Okay, okay, okay!” He chuckled as he read your message and silently punched the air in celebration. “What do you want? I was in the middle of something.”

“Rude! And I was calling you because I was thinking about you,” Changmin huffed. “Anyway, I was just going over some of the movement for Juyeon and my ‘Light a Flame’ duet, right? And I came up with this combo that would be perfect for three people—”

Sunwoo sucked in a breath. “Oh, nonono!”

“But!”

“No!” Sunwoo protested. “Hyung, you know that I don’t… y’know, I can’t dance up there with you and Juyeon hyung! That’s way too much pressure; you’re both so good at dance.” He pressed his finger against the edge of the counter and began mindlessly dragging it along the surface. There had originally been plans of Sunwoo joining Changmin and Juyeon’s dance partnership for this year’s winter showcase performance, but Sunwoo backed out. The winter showcase was far too large of an event for Sunwoo could even fathom participating in, let alone dancing with two of the best dancers he knew. There was just no way.

Changmin sighed from the other end. He’d heard this argument before and he’d argued against this argument plenty of times. “Okay, fine. See you in how long?”

Sunwoo placed his phone onto the counter again so he could tell you that he was still here and hadn’t just left you hanging. “Uh, give me like, thirty minutes.”

“Alright. I better see your ass here in thirty minutes, Sunwoo.”

“Yeah, I know. See ya, hyung.” He hung up then, shoulders sagging slightly from the conversation. It wasn’t like he had to participate in the winter showcase—he was no dance major, nor was he a dance minor. He technically hadn’t even decided on a minor, and had only been focusing on getting this degree finished. Whether or not he had chosen a minor yet was not his parents’ favorite discussion when they visited him, but… it would get done when he had the energy to. He didn’t want to bring up the idea of a dance minor—he saw what it did to Changmin and his parents’ relationship and—well, it was just better this way, for now.

Having finished with his phone call, Sunwoo returned his focus to you, where, god bless, you were still waiting for him in the livestream room.

rhapsody anonymous: omg i’m SO sorry!! >< a friend of mine just called and turns out i am awful at multitasking

“No worries,” you laughed. “I figured that was the case. Everything okay, Rhaps?”

The corners of his mouth curled up at the thoughtful ask. Even when the two of you had been classmates, you were new to the school, but still made him feel like the two of you had known each other for longer than simply a few weeks. It only made sense that you were the host of this podcast, the very thing that had been his source of comfort as of late.

rhapsody anon: yeah nothing really serious lol

rhapsody anon: i just have this friend who’s doing the winter showcase and i was supposed to go to the practice room with him

rhapsody anon: actually, i was going to dance and perform w him too but ig i kind of chickened out

He didn’t know why he was telling you all of this; this wasn’t even what he originally intended to talk to you about.

He heard you make a soft sound of understanding. You shifted in your seat. “I see… the winter showcase is a big event though, as I’ve heard from peers and friends. It's probably really intimidating to even perform in the pre-show, you know? Are you a dance student, by chance?”

rhapsody anon: i’m not, but i’ve taken the intro to hiphop course my freshman year and i usually dance for fun w my friend

rhapsody anon: i think i’ve just always been kind of insecure in my abilities to keep up w him?

“Is he a dance major?”

rhapsody anon: he is

Sunwoo leaned back from the laptop and took his hands off the keyboard. He settled his chin onto his folded arms as he listened to your reply.

“Well, I don’t think you should compare yourself to a dance major, right, Rhaps? I mean, it’s not fair to expect more from yourself when he’s clearly had more experience. And if you enjoy dancing, then I don’t see what the harm in trying to perform or even just being satisfied with private practice sessions is!” You paused for a second to gather your thoughts. “What I’m saying is… is that, I can understand where you might feel insecure, and that’s normal, y’know? And if you’re feeling a little unprepared for this year, there’s always future opportunities.”

Sunwoo peered up at his screen as if he could see you on the other side, speaking to him. He sat up to type out a response. Thanks for hearing me out, it’s nice to feel validated. Sorry this kind of took a downer tone haha it wasn’t my intention, I swear!

You giggled and he swore he was smiling a little too wide now. “No worries, really! I’m glad I could be of help, even if it’s to make sure that you know your feelings are valid. If I’m being honest, one of the few reasons why I even started this podcast thing was to kind of just put my experiences out there in search of validity.” You sighed, “I dunno. It’s a story for another time. I am curious, though, as to why you originally wanted to hang out with me after the others left.”

Oh, right. Sunwoo bit his lip.

rhapsody anonymous: this isn’t really a song rec, but ig it kind of is… i feel like superstar by taylor swift reminds me of u

He held his breath after he pressed the ‘enter’ key.

“Oh…” your voice was soft in surprise, and it made something like giddiness spike in his chest. “That’s really sweet, Rhaps. I… I’m not sure what to say, but thank you. Genuinely.”

rhapsody anonymous: u don’t have to say anything!! really haha ur work and ur words have touched a lot of people

“Even you?”

rhapsody anonymous: esp me

And even after you and he had said goodbye to one another and logged off; even after he was well out of the apartment and on his way to campus, that giddy feeling in his chest still hadn’t left him.

EPISODE FOUR: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! [AND WE’RE ALL IN PAIN]

DEAD week was not typically something Sunwoo had to worry about, as fortunate as that sounded. There were, obviously, classes that made his stomach queasy and made him feel like the world was crumbling into Hot Cheeto dust, but his classes this quarter had been merciful to say the least. The week before finals week was always something that could be visibly observed on campus: students either manifesting like zombies or zooming around to claim seats in the library; grades rising and falling like the housing market; and snacks and coffee being more commonly consumed than any other moment of the quarter.

It was always a hot pile of shit, no matter the student or major.

“Someone just needs to tell Ouyang to chill!”

“Uh-huh.”

“For sure.”

“—it’s not like we’re the root of all of his problems! I’m just trying to graduate!” Eric halted in the middle of the hallway, causing Sunwoo, whose face was nose-deep in his phone screen, to ram into the baseball player’s back.

“Ow!” He hissed, furiously rubbing the place at his forehead that had collided with the nape of Eric’s neck.

“You’re not paying attention,” said Eric, flatly. He turned to Jacob, who also wasn’t paying attention. “Hyung!”

Jacob’s head lifted from where he was busy smiling down at some orange cat video. “What? Nacho’s learning the periodic table—” He flipped his phone around to show Eric, his face immediately lighting up as he forgot about why he was even mad in the first place.

The three of them were currently in the front half of the performing arts building, heading inwards from the main hall to the backstage area where a couple of their friends were already hanging out. Sunwoo had bumped into Jacob and Eric on his way from one of the campus libraries, and with nothing else better to do (than to study), he tagged along to go find someone to bother. (Jacob and Eric were both STEM majors though, which was weird to Sunwoo since… well, shouldn’t they be bunkered up somewhere trying to survive this quarter’s dead week? Anyways…)

Sunwoo sighed and brushed past his two friends to venture deeper into the building. He could already hear somebody’s music blasting from the sound booth as they rehearsed onstage. Over the past several weeks, everyone had been busy preparing for the winter showcase happening at the end of finals week, right before spring break. Ever since Sunwoo’s talk with you over livestream, he had felt a little better about not joining Changmin and Juyeon on stage this year. Plus, from what he could tell when he watched them practice, they already looked pretty much perfect with just the two of them.

Though, there would always be a part of him that wished he really had the courage to go up there and show the audience what he was made of.

Sunwoo wandered into the main auditorium with his hands tucked into his pockets and the doors closing softly behind him. There was indeed a group practicing their number on the stage at the moment. He could even make out the shapes moving from behind the curtains in the wings as other tech members and dancers rushed to and fro to get to where they needed to. Somewhere in that mass of chaos were his friends.

A familiar voice had him lifting his head toward the sound booth. His eyes widened when he recognized you standing in the booth with Bang Chan, one of the more prominent sound and lighting directors working here at the performing arts center. However, it looked like you were leaving, your hands clumsily wrestling with the zipper on your bag while you continued your conversation with Chan, and while attempting to walk backwards out of the sound booth.

Oh my god, you were going to trip on something if he didn’t help—

Both Sunwoo and Chan pounced toward you as the thought occurred to both of them at the same time.

“Yn, careful!” Sunwoo yelled, as he dove for your phone.

Chan steadied you at the bicep, and you hugged your bag to your chest with a flustered grin. “Oops?”

Chan ruffled your hair as he let you go, nodding his hello to Sunwoo, then ducking back into the booth. You stepped out into the main room and shut the door behind you. “Thanks,” you said to him sheepishly, accepting your phone from him.

The two of you naturally fell into step with one another and Sunwoo let you lead him back out towards the main entrance again. “I didn’t know you worked behind the scenes here,” he told you, cupping the back of his head. If he racked his brain, he couldn’t recall hearing about it from your podcast either. “This is the second time I’ve seen you here,” he chuckled.

You stopped for a minute in the middle of the hallway to get a hold of your things. You had to hike your knee up to properly zip your backpack before hauling it over your shoulder. “Oh, that’s right! Just a couple days ago you were here with your friends, right?”

He gave a bashful sort of grin. He had been here a couple days ago when he came to bother Changmin, and ended up hanging out backstage while Hyunjae’s best friend hosted auditions for her play. It was then that he had seen you hustling about with the Lee Jihoon about lights. He’d been caught so off-guard by seeing you; it was a miracle he managed to even get Changmin to forget about that whole interaction. “Yeah, sorry I was kind of… weird. I didn’t expect you, that's all.”

“Lots of surprise run-ins with us, huh,” you teased, the side of your arm bumping with his as you walked.

Us.

“It’s nice to see you more often though.”

You nodded. “The feeling’s mutual, Sunwoo. Thanks for warning me earlier; I’m usually more careful with my stuff, especially when I’ve got special cargo.” As you said this, you reached back to pat your backpack affectionately.

Sunwoo lifted a brow, opening the door for you as the two of you stepped out into the lobby. “Oh? What kind of special cargo?”

The smile on your face widened. “It’s, uhm, a recording mic, actually! I’ve been coming by to intern around the tech side of things here, and Chan and Jihoon give me some tips about music production, too.” You trailed off, an idea taking hold in your head, and that wide beam from just seconds ago became this shy, little thing. “Hey… would you maybe be up to listening to something of mine? I mean, it’s kind of a weird request, but your music taste from first quarter was top notch—”

“Yes,” Sunwoo said, without even waiting for you to finish your rambling.

You paused, and he rejoiced in the pure delight on your face. “Really? That’s—this is great. Wait, I’m so excited! We’ll need to find a private place to listen, but—”

“Oh my gosh, Yn?”

Coming in from the front lobby doors was none other than Han Jisung, a fellow second-year whom Sunwoo was familiar with. He was bundled in a massive, puffy cream jacket with his head shoved into a beanie, and his nose was reddened from the cold. Jisung tucked the earbuds in his ears away into their case, waddling over to you both with the joy of a baby penguin. “And Sunwoo! Woah, it’s so cool to see you, man. What’s up?”

Sunwoo clasped his hand in his. “S’cool to see you, too, dude. Yn and I were just on our way out.”

Jisung moved over to you and pulled you in for an affectionate side hug. “Oh, well, that’s nice to hear,” he snickered, wagging his eyebrows at you while you sent him a pointed look.

Wonder what that was all about…

“Anyways,” continued Jisung, “I just came by to bother Channie-hyung. Is he in the box?”

You bobbed your head in affirmation. “Yup. There isn’t anyone else with him right now, so I’m sure there’ll be plenty of space for you to bug him.”

“Nice,” he grinned. As he walked away in the direction from which you and Sunwoo came, he sent a wave. “See you both around!”

“Bye!” Both you and Sunwoo called back before resuming your walk out the front entrance.

“So how do you—” The two of you laughed when you both started talking at the same time, saying the same thing. Sunwoo gestured toward you, insisting that you ask the question first. You did: “So how do you know Jisung?”

Sunwoo snorted at the memory. “I, uh, saw him in the hall once and smacked his ass, then asked for his number.”

You had to stop to double over in laughter, clutching your stomach while Sunwoo looked on in flustered amusement. Your face had heated up considerably, and you barely managed to follow him down the steps toward the bus stop. “You what?” You asked, once you could get out anything other than wheezes.

He chuckled, shrugging. “Okay, well, I actually know him from this music summer camp we both went to in high school. I didn’t realize he came to this uni until I saw him last year and… well, made my presence known to him.”

You clapped your hands together and collapsed onto the bus bench. “I was gonna say—that’s one hell of a hello.”

“It’s a true story,” he insisted.

“Oh, I believe you.”

The two of you shared a laugh for a moment and Sunwoo took a seat beside you, his knee bouncing up and down as you waited for the bus to come by. He nudged your shoulder with his. “So what about you then? How do you know Han?”

“Hm? Ah, I just know him ‘cause we share the same major-ish. I’m sound and music production, and he’s just a general music major,” you explained. “We also share a composition class, as well as a writing course. Did you know the guy is a fantastic poet?”

Sunwoo’s eyebrows arched upward. “I would not be surprised; the guy’s an ace.”

“Totally agree.” You fidgeted with your phone between your hands. “He was also one of my first friends here after I transferred. He’s kind of shy, but he’s one of the good eggs you can meet.”

A nod. He glanced over at you, his eyes breathing in the far away look on your face. “Yeah, he is. But hey, at least you got to befriend him then, hm? Maybe some things are just meant to be.”

You met his gaze and Sunwoo felt his heart stutter into a gallop. “Yeah,” you murmured, “I think so, too.”

— ✶

You and Sunwoo ended up in one of the booths of the restaurants on the Avenue. It was a cozy, little hole in the wall with soup that tasted like home and made your belly feel warm and content. You had set up shop at your table, your laptop with the audio file pulled up and your wired earbuds plugged in. You had to power all of your will into not showing Sunwoo how nervous you were for him to listen to this—your fingers shook slightly even as you passed him both of your earbuds.

In an attempt to pass off as cool, calm and totally collected, you brought your glass of water to your mouth to sip on. You'd thought to order food first, then let Sunwoo listen to the file.

"Let me know if you can't hear anything," you blurted out just before he put the buds in.

He paused, then smiled. "I got it," he assured you warmly.

Once the buds were fitted and the song started playing, you could only wait and watch to gauge his reaction.

At first, his eyes widened a smidge. Then he slowly began nodding to the beat, eyes falling closed as he soaked in the electric guitar chords mixed in that Jisung helped you out with. You watched him lean back in his seat… saw the smile bloom on his face, wide like a flower opening its petals to greet the brilliant sun.

And that beautiful smile… oh, he was so pretty when he smiled.

It was a couple minutes later that his eyelids finally fluttered open, and yet that smile on his face remained ingrained there. He passed you your earbuds as you awaited the verdict. "Girl, you've got pipes," he said with emphasis, his face screwed up in an expression one could only describe as appreciative. "Like—oh my god, I want that bridge tattooed on my forehead," he groaned and leaned forward to bury his face in his palms.

Your heart could fly, soar, literally ascend to fucking space! You smiled, big and wide, as you wrapped up the wire chords around three fingers. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Liked it?" He perked up, then melted to the table as he mumbled into his hoodie sleeve, "I could kis…" You didn't catch the end bit of his sentence as his voice dissipated into the fabric of his shirt.

"What'd you say?"

When he lifted his head, his cheekbones had flushed a shade of rose gold. He cupped the back of his neck with a nervous laugh, "Nothing! It was nothing. I just—I just love it, Yn. Really, I mean it. I'm not just saying that because we're friends—"

"Ah, so we're friends?" You jested, even as your heart skipped like a pebble across the surface of a lake.

Sunwoo blinked, lips pursed. "We're not friends?"

"No, I'm only kidding!" You said and leaned your cheek against your fist. "Your reaction was cute though."

You swore something shuddered across his face, but you didn't have much time to analyze it when you felt a presence make himself clear at the head of the table.

Yangyang appeared in a warm-looking jacket and scarf, his eyes flickering curiously between you and Sunwoo. You suddenly felt an anxious spike in your chest at the thought of what this might have looked like to him. That was, until he saw the laptop, of course. You saw the relief in his shoulders, the ease in which he smiled now. "Hey Yn-ie, didn't know you'd be here."

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sunwoo scratch his jawline, then scoot forward and offer his hand to Yangyang. "Hey, I'm Sunwoo. You're Yangyang, aren't you?"

Yangyang clasped Sunwoo's hand good naturedly with a typical gummy smile. "Yeah, that's me. It's nice to meet you."

"I was just showing him the project," you said next, drawing both of the boys' attention to you.

"Ah," your friend nodded. "How'd you like it, Sunwoo?"

Sunwoo lit up. "It was—incredible. I don't even know how to describe it, y'know? If it was on my Spotify, it'd probably be on my Wrapped."

There went your heart, goodness. You and Sunwoo locked eyes across the table, and you wished you could convey how much his words meant to you by just a look.

"Totally agree," Yangyang nodded. "My Yn-ie's got a gift and she knows how to use it." He gave your head a gentle pat, and heat rose to your cheeks from the bombardment of attention. It hit you subtly, an epiphany—

Yangyang cleared his throat then and returned his hand to his side. "Anyways, I'll leave you two to it. I'll talk to you later?" He asked you as he was already taking a step backward.

—the heat wasn't for him. It simply wasn't.

"Yeah! I'll shoot you a text later," you promised. You realized then that you had barely even spoken to Yangyang since your Valentine's Day date ended several weeks ago. There had just been a lot of mixed feelings churning around in your head that needed time to be sorted out. (And it was currently being resolved.) With a slight inward grimace, you turned your focus back to the guy you'd brought here in the first place.

Sunwoo slid your laptop over to your side of the table. "Soooo… you and Yangyang, huh?" He laughed, and you weren't certain, but it sounded a bit unsteady.

You played with the hem of your sweater sleeve. "I mean, kind of? Not really? We went on that date a while back, if you remember, but that's about it."

He leaned in. "Yeah, I remember."

"Yeah, and we also haven't had time to really properly talk since?" You winced. "I guess it's not really as bad as I make it sound. It's just that, we've pretty much known each other since primary school. He had just moved from Taiwan, and we were pretty good friends. And he would move back and forth between here and this one town in Germany, but we would always—" you made a vague gesture, "—find each other? Is that the word?"

You let out a breathy sort of laugh. "I'm sorry, I dunno why I'm telling you my history with this guy. It's stupid."

Sunwoo frowned and shook his head. "It's not stupid, Yn."

You inhaled, then chewed on your cheek. "It's just that I always feel like people don't really stick around, at least for me. But Yangyang… he's been one of the few constants in my life, and I'm really grateful for that."

"I'm sensing there's a 'but' with this."

You indulged him. "But I'm starting to think that maybe I can't really see him as that kind of constant, if that makes sense." Your brows furrowed in thought. The boat you were on rocked roughly with the waves, the water turbulent and unsteady, as if at any moment it could throw you off. But you were used to the rocking, and you weren't sure why you should be so used to it. Settling for Yangyang even though you were beginning to realize that he probably wasn't The One? That was like staying docked in a home port you'd grown used to when you yearned for the horizon.

You heard Sunwoo crack his knuckles, and perhaps there really was a certain sheen to his eyes then. "I don't want to put words in your mouth," he drawled carefully, "and I can't imagine how exactly you feel and I don't know your whole story. But it has to be hard when it feels like, I don't know, like people are moving on without you." The earnestness in his eyes made his dark brown eyes deeper and richer. "And maybe it's comfortable with Yangyang and you want to try with him because you know that you two will always somehow find each other again."

"You kind of put what I was thinking into coherent sentences there," you mused, the corners of your lips curling upward.

Sunwoo reflected your expression. "That's good to hear, because I was pretty sure I sounded arrogant."

You laughed then, shaking your head. "No, I appreciated that. And you got it right." Breathing a sigh, you saw a waiter coming by to drop off the food the two of you had ordered. "I think it's just taken me some time with myself and with—with other people to make me realize it."

He glanced up with thanks as the waiter passed you your meals, and you swore you saw his hand make a move to reach for yours across the table. But he stopped short, and instead, helped move your hot bowl of soup over to you. "You never know," he said sheepishly, "The One could be right under your nose."

— ✶

eric 🤨: dude where did u go??? cobie hyung and i looked up and u disappeared into thin air

eric 🤨: omg jisung said u went somewhere w a GIRL??? IS THIS THE GIRL U WERE GETTING ALL DRUNK AND SAD ABT 👀

sunwoo’s phone: YAH!!! OH MY GOD STFU

eric 🤨: no.

EPISODE FIVE: LOTS OF THINGS BLOOM IN SPRING

“SO her name is DJ Dove?”

Sunwoo made a face around his toothbrush as he spat the frothy white into the sink bowl. “For the millionth time, yes.” Through the mirror, Sunwoo watched Eric’s face as his roommate perched himself atop the kitchen counter and went quiet, his face pensive. After coming home to Eric’s confrontation, Sunwoo promised to explain it all in the morning to him.

It was unfortunately the morning, meaning Sunwoo had spent the past hour bringing Eric up to speed on his nonexistent love life. Fortunately, it was also a Wednesday morning, which meant you had just posted your newest episode of the podcast, and Sunwoo could force Eric to listen to it with him. A part of him was tense at the thought of no longer “gatekeeping” his little secret that he had kept for the past several months, but this was Eric, one of his best friends. Maybe this would lift a weight off of Sunwoo’s chest by finally telling someone.

“...I’m still in the thrall of dead week,” your voice blasted from the speaker of Sunwoo’s phone at high volume, “and it’s come to my attention that next quarter will probably be a lot for me. I guess this is me forewarning you all that I might be late with some episodes because I’ve got this new internship thing.”

Sunwoo dunked his face into the sink bowl as he splashed water over his lathered foam cleanser. “She’s talking about her internship at the performing arts center.”

“How do you—never mind, forget I asked.”

Sunwoo patted his face dry, then opened the medicine cabinet for all of the skincare products he used to start off the day.

“...It’s been awhile since I’ve recommended something myself, so today, do enjoy ‘gone too long’ by lullaboy with me.” The song began a few seconds after you queued it up, and the apartment was then filled with muted vocals and strings.

Sunwoo straightened. He and Eric went quiet for a while as they both let the song sink in. Sunwoo continued to slather sunscreen on his face and neck, and Eric had started up the stove to make a batch of ramen for the both of them.

A peculiar sensation draped itself over Sunwoo’s shoulders, a blanket of something that wasn’t quite calm and wasn’t quite jittery. He didn’t know how to pinpoint or label the weird tightness in his chest. The song was strangely intimate, as almost all the music Sunwoo listened to was, but when it came from another person, it was always a whole new level of intimate. Whenever someone recommended a song, it was a way to view a piece of them—perhaps not a large piece, but a piece nonetheless. If eyes were the windows to the soul, then music was the viewfinder.

Maybe he missed you. But that didn’t make sense—it… it couldn’t make sense. He saw you yesterday, and he was listening to you now. How could he miss you?

“She has good taste,” Eric murmured as the song faded out.

Sunwoo nodded his head in agreement. ��Yeah. She does.”

“...Hopefully when you miss me you’ll play that song,” he heard you say in a lighthearted tone, even though he felt almost like the complete opposite. “On that note, Rhaps sent in a message asking about the dance showcase coming up! ‘Are you planning on going, and if so, any acts you’re looking forward to? Isn’t it crazy that we could be sitting next to each other and never even know?’ —”

Eric perked up, his head peering over his shoulder to look at Sunwoo as he came out of the bathroom to join Eric in the kitchen. “That’s you? Rhaps?”

“Rhapsody Anonymous,” Sunwoo corrected. “And don’t judge me!” He added with a pointed look, finger jabbing in Eric’s direction.

Eric shook his head with a giddy sort of grin. “I didn’t say anything.”

For a moment, the two boys went quiet with only your voice and the sounds of the stove keeping them company.

A thought occurred to Eric though, and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “Does it ever feel like lying?” He asked and gestured for Sunwoo to grab a couple of bowls from the cabinet.

Sunwoo walked over with the soup bowls, then leaned his hip against the counter next to Eric. “Does what feel like lying?”

“Hiding that you know it’s her.”

Well… Sunwoo idly scratched his jaw. “I guess I never thought about it like that,” he said. All this time, he’d figured it was probably better that he didn’t bring it up to you. After all, you used a pseudonym for a reason and didn’t show your face. Maybe this was just supposed to be your secret passion project that you used as a safe space. He didn’t want to burst your bubble by confronting you with that information. How would he even go about doing it? Oh hey, by the way, I’ve known that you’re this podcast host DJ Dove for a very long time? That probably had ‘awkward’ written all over it.

Eric passed him a pointed glance. “Something to think about then.”

— ✶

Finals week had come and gone, a hurricane of destruction in its own right. But when the storm passed, it gave way to the beautiful cherry blossoms blooming in the quad. As per university tradition, the quad was filled to the brim with students, staff, and tourists alike gathering to pose in the falling pink petals that marked the coming of Spring Break. This was no different for Sunwoo’s friend group who was dragged out to the event by none other than Choi Chanhee. In an effort to appease his friend in some aspect, Sunwoo had come dressed in something decently presentable: black cargo pants, blue denim jacket, and his face fitted in a pair of dark frames (that were definitely not just frames or missing the lenses…).

He shoved his hands into his pockets after taking a peak at the time on his watch. The group had been here for about ten minutes thus far, and half of them had already split off with their significant others to take their own rounds about the quad. They weren't the only ones—in fact, there were probably as many couples as there were people taking grad photos and cosplay photos.

And wait, someone had come in their wedding dress—nothing spelled out Sunwoo's singleness more potently than a couple getting married.

He took a panoramic glance and accidentally watched another couple go in for a kiss. He looked away with a slight frown, blowing a curl out of his eyes. "I hate this more than Valentine's Day," he grumbled.

From beside him, Kevin Moon sighed as he tested a shot with his camera and had to adjust the settings for the right exposure. "You're telling me." When he raised his camera up again, he immediately had to bring it back down with a deadpan expression, "At least on Valentine's Day, people won't photobomb you."

As the group's self-proclaimed Dad, Lee Sangyeon, summoned the attention of the boys who were present for a partial group photo. Sunwoo smiled for it, then returned to his frown. Chanhee had his camera held up as he attempted to take a selfie shot since he had been staking out this one tree trunk that a group of people had just left. Sunwoo had to admire the way Chanhee wordlessly swooped in like a vulture over a dead carcass.

"Aye, Kim Sunwoo," Chanhee exclaimed and beckoned Sunwoo over with a curl of his two fingers. Chanhee's head scanned the immediate area and his nose wrinkled when he realized he was missing someone. "Where did Changmin go? He was literally right… ah."

Chanhee's voice trailed off and a sly, little grin when he located the man in question. "Look."

Sunwoo followed Chanhee's gaze across the field to where he was sneaking up behind a familiar person. Sunwoo had met this girl twice, once when he and Changmin had gone looking for Jacob and the other when he went with Changmin to go see her for moral support. Both times, strangely, had been at the lab. Huh, did she even go home…?

But then Sunwoo observed the way Changmin and CM!Yn looked at each other. Though Sunwoo had seen Changmin's eyes light up before, this was a different sort of twinkle, something softer. There had always been a cloud hanging over Changmin when it came to this girl, always some kind of bittersweetness that held him back. It made a smile crawl onto his lips at the sight of Changmin so happy.

"Wah," Chanhee murmured in awe. "They really mended their relationship well, don't you think?"

Sunwoo pursed his lips with an indulgent nod. "Yeah, I'd think so."

His friend sighed. "Oh, well. Looks like it's just us two then."

Sunwoo stepped forward and took Chanhee's phone from him, swiftly changing it to the forward facing camera. Chanhee struck a few poses beneath the blush pink trees as he soaked in the golden hour sunlight streaking across the lawn. Eventually, Sunwoo turned the camera back around to take shots of both himself and Chanhee.

He adjusted the phone so that the selfie mode could capture both of them when he spotted Chanhee scuttling back over toward him with a pile of pink petals collected in his palms.

Sunwoo's eyes went wide and he leapt backward away from his grinning friend. "Hyung, come on, let's talk about this."

Chanhee cackled and inched forward still. His hair was the exact same color as the flowers cupped in his palms. "Sunwoo-ah," he sang, "I think your hair needs a bit of color."

"I just did my hair this morning!" He whined and pleaded desperately. The last thing he needed was to be plucking stray petals from his curls later tonight. When Chanhee still wouldn't quit, adrenaline began to pump through Sunwoo's veins in anticipation for what he needed to do next. "Chanhee hyung! We can be civil about this."

"Civility is overrated!"

Just as Chanhee pounced, Sunwoo swerved on the ball of his foot and made a mad dash toward the other side of the quad. Chanhee's giggles filled the late afternoon air like the twinkling of bells, and though it was probably an amusing sight for onlookers, Sunwoo was running for his life.

Sunwoo pumped his legs furiously as he weaved in between people standing and taking their pictures, screaming out apologies for photobombing them as he went. And when he nearly tripped over someone's dog, he managed to lock eyes with yours.

You. Oh my god, you were here.

He had little time to fully comprehend what he was about to do, but he made a beeline for you.

"Sunwoo, hey—oh!"

Sunwoo grabbed your shoulders and careened himself behind you, his face partially hidden behind yours. "I'm sorry, but—" he screeched, "—he's threatening to ruin my hair!"

Chanhee laughed as he stopped in front of you and Sunwoo. His pale cheeks were dusted with the color of the flowers in the air. "Ah, well, hello. This isn't very gentlemanly of you, Sunwoo. Who's this?" He threw Sunwoo a look over your shoulder.

Fuck. He hadn't thought this one through.

Sunwoo laughed sheepishly and let go of your shoulders to clasp the back of his neck. It was only then he realized you were wearing a delicate, pastel sundress with cherry blossoms littered in your own hair. A gentle breeze wafted by and through your skirt and brushed back a few strands of your hair too.

Pretty…

"This is," he stammered, snapping out of his daze, "Yn. Yn-ie, this is one of my close friends, Chanhee."

"It's nice to meet you," Chanhee said with a warm smile and slight bow of his head.

You gave a little wave. "Nice to meet you, too, despite the circumstances."

"I would wave back," Chanhee gestured with his hand of flowers, "but this is a nice pile, don't you think?"

To your credit, you played along. You laughed, "I totally agree. It definitely should not be wasted on giving me a wave. Though, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to get back at Sunwoo." You turned your head and cocked a brow at him, to which he smiled back boyishly.

Chanhee considered you again for a moment. "I like your style. I guess I'll just… leave you to it then," he drawled and sent Sunwoo very pointed glances with his eyes toward you. Something about the way Chanhee's eyes narrowed minutely made Sunwoo want to hide behind you again.

Chanhee whistled a merry tune as he went on his way, leaving you and Sunwoo to your own devices as he probably went to go find his next victim.

"I'm so sorry about that," Sunwoo lamented as soon as Chanhee was out of ear shot. "I did not mean to make you a human shield."

You chuckled. "It's okay, dude, really. Definitely didn't think I'd find anyone I knew in this mess, so it's nice seeing you out here."

Sunwoo gave you yet another once over and felt heat crawl up the column of his neck. "I—you look really pretty," he said, gesturing to your outfit.

"Oh, thank you," you chirped. "You clean up quite well yourself."

The two of you shared a smile then and for a second, Sunwoo's mouth went dry and no words leapt from his tongue. They all remained lodged in his throat where his heartbeat went pitter-patter.

He cleared his throat, breaking eye contact with you for a moment.

You made a vague nod toward one of the open benches lining the perimeter of the quad, an invitation. "Wanna come sit with me?"

"Do I?" Yes. The answer was yes.

When you and Sunwoo were seated side by side, centimeters separating your arms and legs from touching the other, his heart still had not settled. The adrenaline, in fact, also had her to dissipate. With wide eyes, he soaked everything in.

"Did you go to the winter showcase on Friday night?" He blurted, turning to you.

You met his gaze. "I did. It was such a cool experience, especially since it was my first time. Did you?"

He nodded, locking his lips. "I did, yeah," he murmured. "I had a couple friends performing, so we all went to cheer them on. It's always a really great time though; I'm glad you got to go."

"Oh, that's nice. I always find dancers so impressive," you said with a wistful gleam in your eyes. "Do you dance?"

He found himself fidgeting with Chanhee's phone that he still held onto in his lap. "A little," he admitted bashfully. "I took an intro to hip-hop class last year, and I sometimes dance with my friends. Just—not in public," he said.

For a second, something flickered across your face. But he must have been dreaming because it was gone as quickly as it came.

"So music and dance? You're a multi-talented threat, Sunwoo."

"Aw, not really," he giggled. He wanted to hide his burning face in the collar of his jacket, but there was something about you that also made him unafraid to show you this side of him. Actually, you made this side of him come out. He wasn't usually so terribly shy, always tumbling over his words and doing diction cartwheels… communications major, his ass. "What about you? You're literally a musical genius. You should be on my Spotify Wrapped, Yn."

This time, he could relish in making you flustered. "Aye, you can't say that and expect me not to wanna…" You lost your own words, biting your tongue.

He didn't know what got into him, but he leaned forward closer to you. "Expect you not to what?" He asked lowly, teasingly.

Your breath hitched in your throat, and he swore his own rapidly-beating organ was going to come flying out of his chest.

"Expect me not to—steal your glasses!" With a high-pitched squeal, you snatched the lensless frames from right off his nose.

Sunwoo gasped in scandal, diving to grab them back, but you had already stood up from the bench. "Yah! Those were expensive frames!"

Your face lit up as you donned them. "You'll have to take it off my face then!"

"Bet!" And he lurched after you as you took off into the setting sun.

Your voices echoed across the quad: "Jisuuuuuung! Jisung, save me!"

"Jisung can't save you when he's scared of me!"

EPISODE SIX: AND THE MUSES ARE OFF!

"IT'S not a date!"

"It's a date!"

"It's not a date!" Sunwoo stopped abruptly in the middle of his living room where he had been wearing a hole in the wood floors from pacing. He whirled on his sock-clad heels to face his sofa of judges, Changmin and Chanhee. Eric was out with his girlfriend watching the newest action movie that had come out over Spring Break. "She would say if it was a date, right?"

Chanhee smacked his palm against his forehead with a puff of air. Changmin, however, leaned back on the couch with a ponderous look on his face and rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. "She probably would. She seems like she has more balls than you."

"Hey!"

Changmin grinned. "Just saying." He then leaned down to pick up his duffle bag sitting at his feet. "I've gotta run now, but let me know how it goes."

Sunwoo leveled a scowl at him as he passed by to go to the door. "I hope CM!Yn trips you in the practice room."

"Into her arms!" He hollered back, which was swiftly followed by the front door slamming shut.

While Changmin was headed out to meet CM!Yn at the practice room for her first time returning to dance after three years, Sunwoo and Chanhee were left to prepare Sunwoo for today's agenda. Yesterday, you and he had traded numbers, to which you had immediately asked if he'd wanted to hang out with you some more over Spring Break. The answer had been as easy as counting to three.

Now the only problem was to not freak out over it.

"You're picking up lunch, aren't you?" Chanhee asked as he shoved Sunwoo into the bathroom.

Sunwoo nodded shallowly and picked up his round brush and blow-dryer. "Mhm. I'm meeting her at the performing arts building, and we're gonna take the metro up to Lake Anchor. Ever been up there?"

Chanhee fixed the collar of Sunwoo's white button-up, then snatched the brush and blowdryer out of his hands to do it for him. "Nope. Heard it's nice up there though."

"Yeah," Sunwoo muttered, nearly dropping the serum bottle in his hands. "She said her friend Sieun recommended it."

"Ah."

It wouldn't have felt like a date as much if Sunwoo hadn't searched up Lake Anchor when you'd texted him about it last night. The place was gorgeous, a certified calendar-worthy landscape with purple mountain majesties in the back and shores lined with emerald green hills and willow trees. It didn't help that the Reddit pages all deemed it a "couple's picnic spot you can't miss." Oh, he wasn't going to miss it, all right.

Thirty minutes later, he found himself outside the doors to the performing arts center where you said you were currently taking a tech lesson from Bang Chan. He had a paper bag of snacks and sandwiches from the local convenience store in one hand and the other tucked away into his pocket.

He wondered if he could go in and see you, but he'd already texted you he was waiting outside, and you'd replied you were on your way out.

Just as he was about to go sit on one of the benches, one of the doors at the entrance opened. You emerged out into the late spring morning with the breeze in your hair, a tote bag slung over one shoulder, and a ukulele case hanging from the other. You smiled wide at him and waved.

Sunwoo's lips parted into a grin. "Hi. I got us snacks," he said and lifted the brown bag in his hand.

"Sunwoo, you didn't have to," you pursed your lips fondly, adjusting your bag straps.

"I wanted to." The two of you fell into step in the direction of the closest metro station. It would be a short walk from here into the university Avenue, and down a block to the station. Everything was conveniently placed in the name of accessibility. "Plus, I didn't really eat breakfast," he admitted.

"Me neither." You cupped half your face with your palm. "Aish. I always forget I have, like, yogurt in the fridge, y'know?"

Sunwoo chuckled. "Yeah, I get that. My roommate and I always forget that we have groceries in the fridge because we always see the ramen packets on the counter instead. How was the lesson with Chan?"

The two of you stopped at the intersection to wait for the light. You hugged your ukulele to your chest. "It was good! He's always really helpful and knowledgeable—and patient," you mused. "I hope you don't mind me bringing my uke along though. I thought it would be a nice form of entertainment once we got up to the lake."

"I'm not entertaining enough for you," he gasped melodramatically, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout.

You laughed, and the sound made him break his pout and smile. "I thought I would be the entertaining one for once. D'you know how to play?"

The crosswalk sign turned on for you, and you both made your way across.

"I know some guitar," Sunwoo answered, "but just the basics. They teach you a bit at summer music camp." As he walked by your side, he felt his hand brush against the back of yours. "My hyung—Jacob—he plays guitar pretty well. He's good at singing, too, like you."

He caught your smile from the corner of his eye.

"He did it to woo his girlfriend," he jested, sticking his tongue in his cheek when he remembered how JC!Yn brought him and Haknyeon up to speed last quarter about her love life antics.

You chuckled. "That's a shame you know the trick," you said with an impish twinkle in your eyes, "because that was exactly my plan."

Sunwoo came to a screeching halt in the middle of the walkway, and when you realized he was still staring wide-eyed at the sidewalk, you let out a laugh and went back to drag him along to the station.

— ✶

The view was something out of a magazine, the kind that took one's breath away. You and Sunwoo had claimed the shade beneath a willow tree and settled down across from each other with the brown paper bag flattened out to display the feast he had purchased. There were other small groups of people around, as well, all of whom seemed to have the same ideas as you two as they soaked up sun, read books and napped in the shade, and picnicked along the grassy shoreline. There was even a small booth a mile down the bank that rented out swan-shaped paddle boats and canoes for people to take out onto the water.

You and Sunwoo had pretty much demolished all of the goodies he brought with him. The conversation had been flowing, simple and organic, and you felt at peace—that was the best way to describe it. Maybe it was the location, the circumstance, the company, or all three.

You picked up your ukulele from where it laid in its case by your side. "Any suggestions?" You queried, taking the instrument out and checking that it was in tune.

Sunwoo brushed his hands of crumbs and braced his palms on the grass behind him. It was the visual of him in that white shirt, his sleeves rolled up and collarbone exposed, jawline clean and sharp as he gazed out at the view that made your heart race again. "Hmm," he hummed, "what did you first learn on it?"

"I think I taught myself Lemonade by Jeremy Passion," you said to him and scoured your brain for the right chords. You strummed a G-flat minor, and when it sounded about right, you shifted to B, until you managed to jog your memory of all four chords.

He watched you with softened eyes, his knees pulled up to his chest now as he leaned his cheek onto the tops of his knees. "That's a good song," he murmured.

"Do you know the lyrics?"

He chuckled, shaking his head and flicking his wrist. "Oh, no, no. I don't sing."

"Doesn't sound like you can't," you quipped back with a teasing tilt in your smile. You swayed a little as you played the tune over and over again. "A little shy, are we?"

You could see the smile peeking from his lips even when he tried to hide it in his arms. "I don't sing a lot."

"If I sang the first verse, would you join me in the chorus?" You offered as a compromise. You wouldn't push after this if he still refused, but there was a part of you that felt like you needed to hear this beautiful man sing for you.

He balked for a second, toeing at the dirt. Then, "Okay. I'll join in at the chorus."

A smile bloomed on your face. "Excellent."

You were a little shaky going in yourself. Though you had definitely practiced this song more times than you could count, performing it for someone else was always like playing it for the first time. And you wanted Sunwoo to enjoy it, and to be impressed by you. You wanted to do well for him and to be able to encourage him.

As he said he would, you heard him join in at the chorus—softly, at first, until he was the main vocal and you could bolster him with the harmony.

His eyes met yours, all smiles, as the song continued on. The ending verse… dear god, you could fall over from pure giddiness at the way he nailed the runs and you could do a little showing off with your strumming. Shivers, just plain shivers.

"She's exactly what… I need," he crooned, fingers playing absentmindedly with a strand of grass.

You let the vibrations of the strings linger in the spring air for a moment. It was like the two of you were encased in this bubble all by yourselves; and it was beautiful. It was perfect.

"I knew you could sing," you said to him. "I just had a feeling."

He hung his head, but the smile on his face could not be suppressed. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For encouraging me," he shook his head. "Believing in me."

You pursed your lips together thoughtfully and you wished you could pick his brain without risking total invasion. "Do people not believe in you often?" You asked quietly, shifting to move yourself around the pile of rolled-up trash and to sit next to him.

He followed your lead, scooting himself next to you until you were no longer opposite, but adjacent. "Not people, just me, I think."

"Ah." You could empathize.

He gave a shallow nod. "Do you ever get scared of making a mistake so you don't—I dunno—go for it? And then you end up thinking that maybe not taking that risk was the mistake?"

You set your ukulele down in the case beside you and mirrored his position, arms looped around your legs. "I do. All the time actually, and it's a scary feeling."

"Yeah," he exhaled. "Sometimes I wish I had just gone into music, full-on. I mean, a communication major is useful and all, but there are times when I wonder where I would have been if I had nurtured that passion."

His words resonated within you. There was a reason why you transferred to this university and decided to leave your original plan behind. You had gone into college with an intent to major in Computer Science, but less than a year in, it had become abundantly clear to you how unhappy you were. Leaving wasn't just a choice, it had been a need.

You turned to look at Sunwoo and you felt your chest tug toward him. You bumped his leg with your knee. "You still have time," you said. "It's not too late to still see where that goes."

But you knew the conflict that warred in his head; you knew it all too well because you had experienced it firsthand. It was much more complicated than simply chasing after one's dreams. There was obligations, expectations, fears, and physical obstacles that made the situation more complex than it seemed at first glance. You didn't know his family situation, didn't know the whole story of why he hadn't taken his summer music camp experiences and translated it into his current college career.

You didn't know it all… but you wanted to. You wanted to know everything about him.

"You said you don't have a minor figured out yet, right?" You asked suddenly, an idea coming to you.

He hummed. "Yeah."

"Well, why don't you choose music as your minor?" When he didn't answer right away, you added, "You obviously don't have to decide right this second—it's just something to think about."

(It seemed he had a lot he needed to think about lately.)

Sunwoo rose up and leaned back onto his palms again. When he turned to look at you, a sense of calm had come over him this time. "I really appreciate you."

You broke into a smile. "I appreciate you, too."

"No, really," he laughed, then bit his lip. "I'm sorry for screwing the mood—"

"You're not! Really," you insisted. "I don't mind. I like having meaningful conversations with people who mean a lot to me."

He didn't even have to say anything, because there was this look, one you simply could not ignore. It made your stomach feel like it was swarmed with butterflies and that you were walking on air. It was like watching him smile while listening to the song you wrote, like walking out of the performing arts center to see him waiting for you. He didn't have to say anything because you knew—you had to. There simply could not be any other explanation, right?

EPISODE SEVEN: WHAT IF SOULS FEEL FAMILIAR FOR A REASON?

YOU had been keeping a secret.

"So what you're saying is that you know that he knows, but he doesn't know that you know that he knows?"

You nodded, arms crossed. "Yeah, pretty much."

Jisung made a face and rested his temple against his palm. "My brain hurts."

From where she was perched on a stool, Park Sieun reached over and patted Jisung's nest of hair. "It is a little confusing. Why don't you just confront him about it?"

"I don't know," you huffed and fell back against the wall. The three of you were holed up in one of the private studios on campus. There weren't many buildings opened since it was still Spring Break, but many of the performing arts facilities were. Jisung had offered for you and Sieun to meet him in the room he had snagged and had been currently occupying in order to bust out as much creative energy as possible. (Newsflash, it was not going well, hence, yours and Sieun's invitations.) Studio rooms were pretty much soundproof, so they were good for those in the music programs who wanted a private space to practice or record things.

You had just brought them up to speed on your latest outing with a certain Kim Sunwoo up to Lake Anchor, as Sieun had so graciously suggested to you the other day. After your outing, however, you'd come to one very solid conclusion.

Well, and there was the matter of The Anonymous Situation.

Just this morning, you had opened your inbox to find another submission from one of your regular anonymous listeners whom you affectionately nicknamed Rhaps. Rhapsody Anonymous had begun to pop up in your inbox just last quarter, and it wasn't until recently that you figured out who it was. At first, it seemed completely implausible for Sunwoo to be the face behind the name, because there was no way out of a whole internet of people that he had managed to stumble across your podcast.

To make matters more complex, you had an inkling that he also knew that you were the host of Songbird Station. He had sent you something along the lines of: "Hey Dovey! I stumbled across this song recently that I haven't heard in awhile. It's called Lemonade, and I realize that I've only actually heard the ukulele vers. LOL anyways, I hope you're not too busy this Spring Break and that you've had time to relax. I've always wondered though… have you ever met someone who feels familiar to you? Not like in a 'I've reunited with you after five years' kind of familiar, but like… something more like kindred spirits……"

The whole message had the same amount of sweetness he always used to contact and interact with you, but the recommendation of the song Lemonade simply could not be a mere coincidence. You just couldn't accept that.

You had pondered this for a long time—the possibility of confronting him about his anonymous persona. And of course, there were several things that held you back from doing so. "I mean," you began, pushing off from the wall to slowly pace the little room available, "I don't want to scare him, y'know? Like I'm sure there's a reason why he goes by a pseudonym like I do, and I don't want to burst that bubble.

"Plus," you continued, "what if I'm just thinking about this all wrong? What if I've read the signs completely out of proportion and he's not actually Rhapsody Anonymous? That would just be embarrassing."

You stopped in front of your friends with your hands positioned on your hips and your head quirked to the side in thought.

"Would it really be so bad if you brought it up, like, even subtly?" Sieun asked you, her pink-tinted lips pursed slightly.

Jisung piped up, too, "Yeah, Sunwoo's a pretty cool guy. And based on what I've seen between the two of you and what you've told us, I don't think he would laugh at you or anything."

"I don't think he would laugh at me either," you confessed. "It's just kinda scary."

The two murmured their agreement. Though Sieun was your trio's only extrovert, you actually had no idea how you'd come to be decently close friends with these two. You chalked it up to all frequenting similar social circles. The music program was always a good way to make friends, and you were glad that it had yet to fail you, even in college.

Sieun made a vague gesture with her hand. "I think you should try, though. I'm sure you'll find a way to slide it in," she chuckled.

Jisung snorted. "I have never seen that man so flustered in his life."

"Yeah, he has to be whipped for you, Yn-ie."

A cough from the boy in the room. "Not like you're any more whipped than he is."

"Han Jisung!" You reprimanded, heat swarming to your cheeks.

He broke into a boyish grin, eyes wide and alight like a chipmunk. "What? Don't give me the government name; you know it's true!"

Even Sieun was laughing behind her oh-so delicately placed hand. "He's got a point."

You sighed, wrinkling your nose. "I came for support, not a call out."

"Are those not the same things—AH, I'M SORRY DON'T WHACK ME—!"

— ✶

There was a place on the Avenue with the best lime soda, as Sunwoo had claimed, when the two of you coordinated to get lunch together. Because you had chosen the place of your last hangout, you'd insisted that he chose a place this time. By his texts, he had seemed pleasantly surprised to be hanging out again so soon, and while your nerves were high in anticipation for the coming conversation, you also couldn't wait to spend time with him some more.

You met outside the storefront of a Vietnamese restaurant that you'd only seen in passing, and had yet to try. You glanced up from your phone just as Sunwoo came up from down the road toward you, dressed in jeans and a bomber jacket.

"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting," he said as he swung the door open for you.

You and he ducked inside. "It's no worries," you assured him. "Hope you're not sick of me just yet."

You saw that boyish grin of his as he caught your eyes and signaled the waiter for a table for two. "Never."

When the two of you were seated, your eyes greedily took in the options laid out on the menu. There were just far too many appetizing items—maybe you should have scouted out the menu beforehand.

"Any favorites?" You queried from over the rim of your menu.

Sunwoo was slinging his shoulder bag over his head as you asked this. "Oh, uh, I've been hooked on their shrimp banh xeo ever since my friend Haknyeon introduced me to it. It's like a Vietnamese crepe with stir fried vegetables and a protein. But I think in general, everything is pretty good here."

You hummed. "Mmh, sounds good. And you said the lime soda is really good, too?"

He nodded his head vigorously. "Yes, for sure. That stuff is addicting."

You took his word for it, and soon, the two of you had finished ordering your lunch for the day. A part of you wished you didn't have to disturb the pleasantness of this one-on-one lunch date (was this a date?) with Sunwoo by bringing up the podcast, but what if by clearing the air, it would make your relationship stronger? (Or, it could end in a fiery, hot pile of shit!)

Either way, you would try to get to it as organically as possible.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something." Yes, because this is totally organic, Yn… You grabbed your cup of lime soda and played absentmindedly with the straw.

You gauged his reaction carefully. He perked up. "You—you wanted to talk to me about something?" He parroted, pointing his finger back at himself. "That's not usually good."

"Sorry, no, it's not bad!" You promised. On the way here, you had come up with about a dozen ways to go about this, but at the end of the day, there would only be a yes or no answer. "Do you, by chance, happen to listen to podcasts?"

There was that flicker of recognition over his face, and for a second, he reminded you of something like a puppy with how wide his eyes were. "Uhh," he drawled, scratching his head and feigning nonchalance, "I mean, sometimes. Like casually."

"This might sound weird—"

"Uh-huh."

"—but are you Rhapsody Anonymous?"

If sweat could be animated, that was what you imagined to be dripping down the side of Sunwoo’s face at this moment. He seemed to be figuring out a way to reply. “Would you believe me if I asked you what a Rhapsody Anonymous is?”

“No, not really.”

“What’s a podcast?”

You huffed. “Sunwoo—”

“Okay,” he relented, slumping over slightly. He seemed nervous, in a way, eyes looking anywhere but you, twirling his straw between his thumb and index finger, his foot tapping furiously against the linoleum floor. “I’m sorry! I didn’t really want to bring up the podcast to you because I thought that you enjoyed the anonymity, y’know?” He told you with an apologetic wince. “And I really liked listening to the show, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to interact with you anonymously, as well, and over time, I thought we’d kinda become friends.”

He peered up at you nervously, and guilt wormed its way into the trenches of your gut. From what it seemed, he must have really thought that you would react negatively to him knowing your podcast-hosting side show.

“We are friends,” you finally said and scooped a lock of hair out of your face. “I’m not like, mad, or anything; it was more of me trying to figure out why you felt so familiar to me. And I’m really honored that you liked my podcast enough to want to interact with me there. It means a lot.”

With your small smile, Sunwoo’s posture flooded with relief. “So you’re not mad that I figured out your identity?”

“Definitely not,” you shook your head. “If anything, I’m relieved. I’ve been wondering about your identity for a while now.”

The corners of Sunwoo’s mouth lifted. “That’s… that’s cool. This is really cool,” he said. He let out a sigh, leaning back to slump in his chair with a dramatic expression of anguish on his face. “You have no idea how much it’s been eating me up inside, Dovey! Like how do you balance your two identities? It takes so much energy for me to make sure I keep them separate.”

“I can tell; you weren’t exactly the most inconspicuous,” you teased.

He sat up. “What do you—”

“Well, you kind of told me things in person that you’ve told to me on anonymous, and vice versa.” You recalled to him the two main instances that gave him away to you. It was amusing to see the way he grew increasingly more flustered as you kept talking about it, but you realized that this was probably incredibly painful for him to hear.

Sunwoo had his head in his hands by the time you were done. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

He shifted slightly so that his cheek rested against one palm. “And to think that I was being all slick and secretive,” he pouted, scrunching up his nose. “You know, I always thought about being friends with you in real life. That one time that I told you about that one Taylor Swift song that reminded me of you?”

“Superstar?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” He meditated on that thought while sipping his drink. “It just felt right. Like you were far away but also right there in my ear. Does that make sense?”

You knew what the song was about; you could recite the lyrics by heart, and the fact that he associated that song with you… It sent your heart a-flutter. “It does.”

He jolted up so suddenly you nearly fell out of your seat with him. “Not that I’m desperately in love with you or anything,” he added quickly, the words tumbling out of his mouth as fast as he mentally skimmed through the lyrics again and again. His cheeks were tinged with pink, and you were sure that your neck looked as hot as it felt.

You pretended your heart didn’t drop to the pit of your stomach when he said that. You laughed along with him, though you weren’t sure why it sounded like it did. “Oh, right, right. I didn’t think that; don’t worry.” All the butterflies in your stomach drooped.

Sunwoo scrambled to find the right words. “I just mean that I always felt like some average Joe, and you were…” He gestured to you helplessly, “you.”

Your heart couldn’t help but give a sharp pang at that.

“And how could I ever be anything more to you than just another listener in your stats, y’know?”

You never thought that you would have ever given off that kind of vibe toward listeners, or come to mean that much to any members of your audience. It had seemed simply impossible for you to ever become large enough to evoke that kind of feeling in people—a popstar to their fans. You folded your arms over the table and leaned toward him. “Sunwoo, you were never just another listener. You made yourself known to me and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone.”

He slowly met your eyes, and you sat up straighter, reaching toward the paper straw wrapper to fidget with. “I originally started this podcast because I needed a place to talk. After feeling like people were always moving on without me, I was trying to search for validation, and I found that in podcasting. I figured that maybe… if I was feeling these things, then there had to be someone out there who was feeling them, too.

“And the song recommendation and music talk was always a nice bonus,” you added. “I had people send in anonymous submissions, but never as frequently as you did, and it made me feel like I was reaching somebody. Not just a random hit every so often, but somebody.”

Sunwoo’s eyes shone in the artificial lighting inside the restaurant, and outside your little bubble, you barely registered the noises around you. It was just you and Sunwoo in this moment in time and space. He swallowed. “You’re really cool, you know that?”

You grabbed your cup of lime soda and softly knocked it against his. “That’s all you, superstar.”

— ✶

Lunch had progressed much smoother after you had confronted Sunwoo, to say the least. You were convinced, however, that you had to meet this Haknyeon character he kept telling you about. He was the one to recommend the Vietnamese restaurant, and he was going to be your new favorite person. (Sorry, Sunwoo.)

When both you and Sunwoo had finished up with lunch, you didn’t want to cut your time with him short and asked him if he’d ever been up to the Farmer’s Market north of the Ave.

“There’s a Farmer’s Market over there?” His mouth gaped as he let you lead him a couple blocks north.

You grinned, tipping your head up to the sky to soak in the last bits of sunlight before it was about to be blanketed over by gray clouds. “Yeah! It’s really neat. They’ve got one going every week, I think.”

The walk up was an easy one as it was a straight shot from the restaurant to the intersection where white picket fences were set up to barricade the street for vendors to set up in. Pop-up tents of different colors and sizes lined either side of the street as people milled about going from vendor to vendor. This had been one of the few gems you’d found when you transferred here, and though you didn’t often visit, you tried to buy at least a couple things to support the local businesses. The fruit here tasted much better than the ones in-stores, anyway.

You and Sunwoo slipped past the fences and into the throng of people, and you watched his face light up in awe as he took in the sights and smells. There were people selling beaded bracelets and art, farmers tossing blueberries into kids’ mouths… it was a lively slice of community here.

“Wow, this is incredible,” he said, but suddenly stopped short. “Oh my god, they’re selling melon pops, Yn-ie!” He pointed out a stand a little further down the way that he had peered over a few heads for. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him. “Come on! I’ll treat you to one.”

It wasn’t like you were going to refuse him.

Within another few minutes, you and Sunwoo had both acquired one melon popsicle each. It was adorable to see him bouncing along on the balls of his feet like a kid on Christmas morning as he lapped up the light green juice dripping down the side of the frozen treat.

“—look how pretty those sunflowers are!” He gasped at one of the stands to your left selling bundles of different flowers.

An idea popped into your head, and you scurried over to the booth and traded a two dollar bill for one of the baby sunflowers. You whirled around to where Sunwoo stood and waited for you. “Stand still,” you said while reaching up to tuck the flower behind his ear.

Before he could comprehend what was happening, you pulled out your phone and snapped a quick picture of him.

Sunwoo’s eyes had gone wide, his cheekbones the same color as the roses in the bundles behind you. “What… just happened,” he asked, blinking, then came over to poke your shoulder to get your attention. He peered over at your phone screen to see that you were setting the photo you took as his new contact photo. He let out a hum, “Wow.”

“It’s cute.” You let him see the picture.

He narrowed his eyes at the screen before finally giving it a nod of approval. “Okay, good enough.”

You scoffed, lightly hitting his arm with the back of your hand. “Good enough? I think it’s perfect.” You finished off the rest of your melon pop and tossed the stick in a nearby trash bin.

(If you’d looked up from your phone at that moment, you would have seen the utter bliss on Sunwoo’s face after hearing you compliment a picture of him and calling it “perfect.” To him, absolutely nothing could ruin this day, this moment, this year for him—!)

One raindrop fell onto your phone screen, followed by another, and another, and ano--

(He should not have spoken so soon.)

“It’s raining,” you observed dumbly, reaching a palm out to feel the pitter-patter of the sky’s tears on your skin. Others around you were beginning to notice, too, either huddling under their nearest tent or the overhangs of establishments lined on the sidewalk.

You figured somebody must have pissed the weather off because the rain only began to drum harder against the world.

"Well, shit," you laughed and patted Sunwoo on the back of his shoulder to move him toward the side of the road. "Let's find shelter!"

The two of you joined the crowd as you scrambled past the tents and up onto the sidewalks. Some people simply went into the shops themselves, but you and Sunwoo took a moment to stare out at the once-clear sky. Strange how springtime weather worked.

Sunwoo finished off his popsicle and found a trash bin to toss the stick into. He ran a hand through his dampened locks, then dragged that same palm down his face. "D'you like a little rain, dove?"

The nickname caught you off-guard for a second, but not as badly as seeing the soft-cornered smile on his face.

You cleared your throat. "I don't mind it. How about you?"

He made a frown at the sky as if he could reprimand nature for crashing the date—wait, this wasn't a date, was it? "It would have been nice if the weather report was accurate for once, but a little walk in the rain never hurt anybody."

You voiced your agreement. The next course of action you both decided on was making the long trek home in the rain together. You tried to stay out of the shower as best as you could, but there definitely weren't enough overhangs to get you home completely dry.

At one of the intersections, Sunwoo looked over at you through his dripping wet bangs. "You don't have a jacket."

On instinct, you glanced down at your bare arms, only clad in a T-shirt. "Oh, I guess I don't," you mused.

"Here—" he shouldered off the black bomber jacket and draped it over your shoulders.

"Sunwoo, I can't—"

"Yes, you can," he laughed and shook his head out. The light turned green to cross, and he wrapped an arm around you to keep you steady along the rain-slicked street.

The jacket and arm around you were both warm, but you had a feeling that even without the jacket, his arm would have been more than enough.

When you'd made it to your apartment complex and bursted into the front lobby, you and Sunwoo practically stood in your own self-made puddles. You took the jacket off from around your shoulders and shook it out; it was a shoddy attempt to get the water out, but at least the material was semi-waterproof on the outside.

"Here you…" Your throat went dry as you made to hand his jacket back to him and zeroed in on the way his wet, white T-shirt stuck flush against his skin. There was no other way to describe it but as see through, and there was no way in hell you were going to be able to erase that defined stomach from your mind. "...Go."

You coughed as you looked away, and he accepted his jacket back with a low "Thanks."

When he zipped his jacket up, you nodded toward the elevator. "Do you wanna come up and dry off before you go out? You can totally borrow my umbrella if you want, too."

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. My apartment's not far, I swear."

"Ah, alright. Get home safe then." You paused, then added, "Text me once you get back?"

Sunwoo flashed you a smile, and man, if you could engrave that smile, the wet hair, into your brain… "Promise. I'll see you soon, superstar."

He reached over and ruffled your hair, then ducked out of your apartment into the rain. Just before he was out of your sight, he turned back and waved at you through the front windows.

You let out an exhale once he had disappeared. A fuzzy feeling lingered in your chest, your smile never leaving your face. You were so far gone.

EPISODE EIGHT: SWERVE LIKE A CHICKEN

ALTHOUGH Spring Break had swept through the university faster than it came, Sunwoo could still say he felt like he was riding on Cloud 9. The beginning of the quarter was easily a more relaxed part of the term, but Spring quarter itself was a whole other nightmare in itself. Everyone around him was beginning to wake up from their break-dazed slumbers to clamber their asses back into uncomfortable lecture chairs and study rooms.

It was the first Tuesday back from Spring Break when he found out you were going to be in a practice room alone for a while, working on a new project. This intel had been courtesy of one Han Jisung, who had been texting Sunwoo off and on about a track he had been mixing with Chan.

han !!: yeah just left cuz my brain was feelin super fried 🤣 dunno how ynies still there

sunwoo's phone: oh fr?? she's still over there?

han !!: yuh bro that's what i just said

han !!: r u gonna do anything abt it 👀😳

sunwoo's phone: i have no clue what ur talking abt

han !!: okay bye chicken

sunwoo's phone: u did not just call me chicken.

han !!: 🐓🐓🐓

Sunwoo walked out of his room and stood in the middle of the apartment, staring blankly at the back of Eric's head. His roommate was seated on the couch setting up a movie, and when he sensed someone was staring at him, he began to say, "Baby!—wait a minute."

Eric made a face. "Never mind, it's just you."

Sunwoo scoffed and flopped onto the opposite end of the couch. "Rude! Before EC!Yn, I used to be your one and only."

"That's actually so incorrect—"

"Do you boys ever not cat-fight?" EC!Yn mused as she came out from the bathroom and found a seat between Eric and Sunwoo. Eric instantly curled an arm around her and pulled her into his side.

Sunwoo considered this with a frown. Why was he so single? "You're lucky I tolerate your boyfriend, EC!Yn," said Sunwoo as he folded his arms over his chest and sunk into the shadows of his hoodie.

"I'm glad you've come to like me more than your own best friend," she drawled in jest. "What's got you in the dumps, my friend?"

Eric perked up, pressing the play button on the TV remote to start the movie. "Oh yeah! You were in such a good mood this morning."

A grumble from the lump of hoodie. "It's nothing."

A moment of silence passed. Then, "He misses Yn."

"I think so, too."

"Do you think if we texted her to text him, he would at least smile?"

"Oh, I think I found her Instagram the other day—"

Sunwoo peered out of his hoodie with narrowed eyes. "I can hear you guys, you know that, right?"

Both Eric and his partner shot him impish grins, delighted that their very obvious conversation brought him out of silence. The thought forced a smile onto Sunwoo's face anyway. Eric's baseball game had been canceled today because the team who they were going up against this week had internal problems (something about an affair between coaches and players—it was complicated). Thus, Eric had decided to fill his afternoon with an impromptu movie session with his girlfriend. Sunwoo was invited by roommate obligation.

There were definitely more productive things that Sunwoo could have been doing (finding a minor, finding a job, finding the answers to his cognitive psych homework, etcetera), but watching… Wait, what were they even watching?

EC!Yn reached over and nudged his shoulder with her knuckles. "Hey, Earth to Kim Sunwoo."

He shook out of his daze. "Huh? Oh, sorry." He sighed, pulling out his phone. "Jisung just told me that Yn's at the practice room working still."

"Still?"

"Yeah," he bobbed his head. "They've been there ever since they finished their composition class this morning."

Eric lowered the volume on the TV. "Dude, you should go keep her company."

Sunwoo's eyes shot open as he began mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. "I don’t wanna bother her; she probably doesn’t wanna be bothered if she’s been working for so long.” The thought had crossed his mind to head over to the practice rooms right now and sit in for a session, but he had shut his own idea down almost immediately. Would you appreciate him going to bug you or would you mind him just going to sit with you and enjoy your presence?

“I was thinking the exact opposite,” said EC!Yn, “I mean, whenever Eric comes over unannounced to come sit with me at the dorm, I appreciate it all the time.”

Eric cooed. “Aw, you do?”

Sunwoo blinked and was suddenly glad he was staring down at his phone and not the couple on the couch next to him. But he glanced up to catch EC!Yn’s eyes. “Do you really think she wouldn’t mind?”

When Eric tucked his face into her neck, she idly scratched his head. “Oh, definitely. I think it’ll be a nice surprise, considering she probably feels the same about you, based on what you’ve already told us.”

“You’re right!” Sunwoo shot up off the couch, but halted. “Wait, she what?”

Eric snorted. “She said that Yn probably feels the same about you, which, if I’m being honest, I can’t believe—”

Sunwoo dashed into his room to grab his wallet and keys. “Nobody asked you!”

— ✶

Coffee. You liked coffee, right?

Sunwoo couldn't quite think straight with the giddy anticipation bubbling in his stomach and up his chest as he balanced twin cups of iced americano in his hands. Taking the bus to the School of Music would have been less effort on his legs, but waiting for it simply did not sit with the amount of energy currently carrying him down the street and up the stairs and across the quad like a madman.

People were probably eyeing him weirdly, but he was trying to come up with things to say to you. Preferably, these things were smooth and not strange fragments that weren't properly strung together. He wanted to look put together, to sound put together.

He was probably going to look frazzled, though, from half-running a mile uphill, but that was okay—he was excited to see you.

The School of Music stood right across from the School of Art building, the twin towers looming above the quad stairs. With school back in session, there were plenty of people milling about the entrance, and somebody graciously opened the door for Sunwoo so he didn't have to awkwardly balance his coffees and risk spilling them to get inside. He hadn't often visited this building, but he had been in here before to visit friends and upperclassmen. Though the architecture was grander, it still had the homey feeling of a high school band room, some place music students could call home.

Sunwoo navigated himself toward the practice rooms in the back hallways, murmuring "excuse me"s and apologies as he sidestepped string bassists and bassoons and snare drums. (He could've sworn there was a whole drum kit in one of these; it was strange seeing someone carrying around a single snare… huh.)

He reached the corridor to turn right into the practice hall when he froze, diving back behind the wall.

"—wait, Yangyang—"

Something in him sunk deep into the pit of his stomach, an anchor to the sea floor. He watched you launch out of your practice room and into Yangyang's arms, both of you hugging each other closely. He had his arms wrapped around you and his cheek against the crown of your head.

Sunwoo couldn't hear what you were saying to each other—if you were saying anything at all.

And you didn't let go. Not yet, at least.

When you did finally let go, the two of you were beaming at each other. It was near impossible to make out what kind of emotion was there from so far away, but Sunwoo couldn't look anymore when Yangyang leaned in towards you—

Sunwoo pressed himself against the wall he was peering around.

Oh.

He struggled to swallow; there was a large lump sitting in his throat that he had to wrestle down.

Disappointment—yeah, that was disappointment.

Before you or Yangyang could come down this way, Sunwoo retraced his steps from where he came until he was back outside. He sucked in a breath, mind abuzz.

He set down the cups of iced coffee, now perspiring, on a ledge nearby, so he could pull out his phone.

It rang twice. "Yo."

"Are you practicing right now?" Sunwoo asked, leaning his body against the railing. His free hand held his face as his brain replayed the events he had just witnessed. Did that mean what he thought he meant? You were totally allowed to see other people—the two of you weren't exclusive—but goddamn, did that hurt to think about.

Was he too late? Had he chickened out so long that you decided to move on, or was he never in the running in the first place?

He heard a bit of shuffling from the other side, then a sigh from Changmin. "Now I'm not. What's up?"

"I'm coming over."

A pause. "...Okay, see you soon."

EPISODE NINE: [YELLS.]

THERE was something different in the air and you could taste it. Not literally, of course, but you figured your paranoia had manifested strong enough within you to be able to sniff these kinds of things out. "These things" referred to the slight difference in the way you interacted with Sunwoo, or rather, how Sunwoo interacted with you.

You turned your phone off again, having checked it for what felt like the fifth time in the past two minutes. Usually, he replied relatively fast, but for the past week or so, he'd been a little more delayed. He didn't text dry, which was a relief, but there was something off about it. You couldn't articulate it too well—it was just a gut feeling.

"Oy, phone away, Yn," Sieun ordered, snapping her fingers and holding her hand out across the table.

You sent her a look, but reluctantly handed your phone over to her. "But—"

"No buts!" She tutted. She hid your phone within the confines of her purse before promptly returning to the warm bowl of biang biang noodles in front of her. "The more you check your phone, the sadder of a sap you look."

"Thanks," you deadpanned, but followed her lead and picked up your chopsticks to eat your food.

The two of you were seated in, arguably, the best Chinese restaurant on the Avenue. It had become a fast favorite of yours when you first transferred, saved for the long days and weeks when you needed something like spice to make you feel anything other than sad. Sieun had suggested coming down here for dinner rather than staying in and eating another round of instant ramen. It was something she knew would cheer you up easily, and so far, it was only half working.

You reached for your water, only to realize it was practically empty.

As if she could read your mind, the waitress taking care of your table appeared at your side and filled your water up for you.

"Oh, thank you!" Your eyes glanced over at her name tag—HN!Yn—and met her kind eyes.

"Of course. Anything else I can get you two?" She asked cheerily, swiftly filling up Sieun's cup, as well, with practiced grace. "Food's good?"

Both you and Sieun nodded your heads vigorously, especially since both of your mouths were now full and you couldn't speak. She seemed to get the idea and hustled over to a nearby table to tend to them. How waiters and waitresses always knew when you had food in your mouth, you could never figure out. It was always absolutely awful timing, but you supposed the skill was akin to Starbucks workers butchering name spellings.

When you finally swallowed your bite, you chased it with a gulp of water. "I don't think I did anything wrong," you said to your friend, pushing around the saucy rice in your bowl with the tips of your chopsticks.

Sieun covered her mouth. "I don't think so either," she replied, eyebrows furrowed. "Maybe he's just busy? It could be that he got a job or something, or school work is piling up."

You frowned. You thought he would have let you know he was going to be a bit busier, but at the same time, he didn't owe you anything. You just worried about him and hoped he wasn't overworking himself. It didn't help that you missed hanging out with him; it didn't feel like it used to between you just last week.

From behind you, you heard the door to the restaurant open and close with a loud smack! The door to the restaurant was awfully loud when it closed, unless it was carefully done. Something about the angle at which it was constructed, or something like that.

Sieun's brows flew up. "Speak of the devil," she muttered with her food pushed into her cheek.

"Hm?" You hummed and twisted around in your seat to see who she was referring to.

Oh. Well, she definitely wasn't wrong, per se.

Coming in through the door himself was Kim Sunwoo, as well as a few of his own friends, you guessed. You recognized one of them as Ji Changmin, one of the dancers from the winter showcase. Besides those two, there were four others, too—three other boys and a girl. You didn't recognize any of them, but you saw the way your waitress greeted them and squeezed one of the boys' hands.

You and Sunwoo made eye contact, and you shot him a small smile, lifting your fingers in a wave.

He seemed surprised to see you, and you didn't fault him for that. His wave was slight and smile shy, but you couldn't figure out why he ducked his head and didn't come by and say hi.

They're being seated for dinner, Yn. It's okay. Chill a little.

You turned back in your seat to face Sieun and your food again.

"Hey, cheer up, girl." Sieun's smile was sympathetic as she caught your attention. You hadn't even noticed how your posture noticeably slumped after that interaction—if one could even call it that. "Don't let this ruin your dinner, okay?"

You sighed out of your nose, testing your chopsticks over the rim of your bowl. "You're right. I don't know, Eun. It feels like we regressed? Is he avoiding me? Am I overthinking this?"

"I'm not sure, hon," she told you. "It'll be okay, though. I promise. Are you ready for the check?"

You nodded, reaching for your napkin to wipe your mouth.

Sieun lifted her hand and caught your waitress's attention, then made a motion for the bill. HN!Yn was quick to bring it over and set the little black tray with the receipt onto the edge of your table. In her hands she held a small device to input your method of payment.

"Are we splitting the bill today, ladies?" She asked you, eyes flickering between you both.

"Yeah, evenly split would be great, please," you told her.

Sieun leaned over to peer at the receipt as you reached into your bag to grab your card. Her face contorted into confusion, and she ran her finger over a line as if reading over it again carefully. "Oh, uhm, excuse me. It says we get a discount—not that I'm complaining! But…"

HN!Yn smiled. "Ah, you're friends with Sunwoo, right? That's what he told me, at least. I always give my partner and his friends my Friends & Family discount, so don't worry about it. I appreciate your integrity though."

You and Sieun exchanged wide-eyed glances, blinking, then turned to peer over at where Sunwoo's friend group sat. One of the boys sitting next to him whacked his arm to get his attention, nodding toward your table.

Sunwoo looked up.

Your head tilted to the side and you mouthed a "thank you?" to him, unsure of why he went out of his way to help you out.

He only nodded before ducking his head again. Huh. You'd have to thank him properly later.

HN!Yn was quick to help you and Sieun box your meals and finish paying. Before long, you tucked your arm around Sieun's to push out into the cool evening—not without glancing back at Sunwoo's table first.

— ✶

"She looks sad. Why is she sad?" Sunwoo sulked, lying atop his folded arms on the table and staring at you through the space between Haknyeon and JC!Yn.

You were the last person he thought he'd see when he and his friends walked into Haknyeon's favorite Chinese restaurant. You and your friend were pretty much wrapping up dinner when they'd come in, and he was quite literally startled by your presence. He'd been walking around on eggshells, he felt, all because of this stupid situation he'd forced himself into.

It was stupid. Yeah… it was stupid.

Changmin delivered a light whack to the back of Sunwoo's head. "You're dumb."

Sunwoo sat up and cupped the back of his head, leveling a glare at his friend. "Hello?"

"He's not exactly wrong," said Chanhee from the other side of him as he texted someone on his phone.

Sunwoo pressed his lips together and looked across the table from him at JC!Yn in a silent cry for help. The woman could only lift her shoulders half-heartedly. That meant that she agreed with them… great.

Eric snapped his wooden chopsticks apart and began using either stick to smooth the other for splinters. "We're saying you're dumb because you're doing this to yourself and to her unnecessarily."

Sunwoo huffed. "That's because you guys weren't there to see it happen! They're totally together—or at least, close." It still felt awful to think about. It felt like there was a hole in his chest left empty after considering the possibility that he was too late. He didn't want to get hurt.

"You can still talk to her like you used to, Sunwoo-ah," Haknyeon chimed in. "Even if they were—and I'm not saying they are—together, there's still a healthy amount of space where you can dwell as her friend."

HN!Yn appeared at the head of the table with a tray of water, and everyone pitched in to pass the cups down. "Thanks, guys," she said, tucking the tray under her arm. "Are you guys ready to order?" The question was directed towards the rest of the table, but Sunwoo saw the way her eyes lingered on Haknyeon and how Haknyeon's smile shifted to something that Sunwoo was sure was only for her.

It made him feel strange again.

The group, as usual, trusted Haknyeon's choices in dishes and let him take the reins in deciding what they ate tonight. Once HN!Yn had headed off into the kitchen to deliver their order, conversation resumed swiftly.

"I think you're just scared, Sunwoo," JC!Yn said to him over the rim of her glass of water.

Murmurs of agreement resounded from all around the table. Sunwoo's jaw fell open. "I—I am not scared. What would I be scared of?"

"The truth! Oooh," Eric pursed his lips and wiggled his fingers in Sunwoo's direction.

Sunwoo promptly smacked Eric's hand away.

"If you weren't scared of the truth," said Haknyeon, as he propped his elbows onto the table, "you would have gone up to her in that hallway."

"Didn't she tell you that she didn't see Yangyang that way anyways?" Chanhee chimed in. He was still going at it texting whoever it was on his phone.

"But she also said she wanted to give it a second chance," Sunwoo corrected.

Changmin scratched behind his ear and grabbed sauce trays from the end of the table to pass down to everyone else. "That was before she started hanging out with you some more. What is your point?"

They all made excellent points, he thought. That afternoon he'd seen you and Yangyang, he'd gone to meet Changmin in one of the dance practice rooms. After that, he'd gone home to yell into his pillow until his throat burned. Eric had muttered something about Sunwoo being dramatic and summoned JC!Yn over to the apartment to deal with him.

Sunwoo had just been bummed. He didn't even know if bummed was a strong enough word.

"I'm just scared of getting hurt, I guess," he finally admitted, meekly.

The table quieted to allow him room to speak his mind, and even Chanhee put his phone away to give him his full attention now. It wasn't often Sunwoo wore his heart on his sleeve like this, and it wasn't easy either. For anyone. Admitting to his fears in the middle of a Chinese restaurant while five of one's friends listened in was intimidating, but it was comforting to know that these friends he kept would find a way to support him. Even if he was being stupid, their tough love was out of desire to look out for him.

When he was done, Changmin clasped a warm hand on his shoulder and his dimple pressed into his cheek. "Sunwoo-yah, I think that you second guess yourself too much and you know that. You're self aware enough to know that you make the mistake of not going for what or who you want."

Sunwoo stared at an impurity in the table. What Changmin was saying hit the nail on the head—it was what happened with the dance showcase, too, and now he was about to let it ruin a friendship he had with a person he cared very much about.

"My advice," Changmin continued, "is to talk to her about what you saw and clarify it. I know it's… I know it's scary thinking you're gonna get hurt again, but I think you'll feel a lot better afterward."

EPISODE TEN: SUPERSTAR, I'M NOT TOO FAR

your phone: hey thanks for the fnf discount last night! sorry i didn't thank u properly before, but yeah, really appreciate it :')

sunshine (sunwoo): it was no problem, dw abt it!

your phone: btw is everything okay? u seem a bit distant lately and i wanted to make sure u were doing alright

sunshine (sunwoo): ah yeah, im sorry :( there's just been some things on my mind

You shot Sunwoo a quick text back to let him know you were here if he wanted anyone to talk to. His text had just come in after you'd sent him a reply in the early evening.

"Yn-ah. Still on your phone, I see?"

You jolted and shoved your device into the pocket of your jeans, smiling sheepishly as Lee Jihoon power-walked into the backstage area with a pen behind his ear and a clipboard in hand. "Hi, Jihoon!" You squeaked.

He lifted his eyebrows at you, motioning for you to come follow him. Since everyone was back from Spring Break, the work for the play being performed was kicked into high gear. Jihoon was a graduate student at the university and a director of the stage here; adding the fact that he majored in the same thing you did also made him one of your favorite mentors ever. The back hallways were bustling with costumes, props and other assorted technicians while most of the actors were either in the main backstage area or onstage proper with the play director, HJ!Yn.

You followed swiftly after him and weaved through the people littered about the corridors. "I finished synching the panel back here with the projector in the box," you told him, "though, it's weird that it was ever undone in the first place." You frowned. There had been a lot of strange things happening in the theater lately.

Jihoon gave you a curt nod and set you up in front of one of the house lights panels located in the hallway leading right out to the audience. He pointed at it with the back of his pen. "Yeah, some funky shit's been happening around here," he sighed. "You were here the other night when the speakers were acting weird, right?"

You nodded and let him guide you through navigating this backup panel. "I was. You and Chan seemed really stressed."

"We were," he said, adjusting his cap. "We really do need some more funding to update our equipment—careful, that knob is really sensitive. Good, nice work."

Once you and Jihoon had successfully finished with this panel, you lingered in the hallway for a moment. Normally, you would switch back and forth between shadowing either Chan or Jihoon, and tonight was with the latter. He was going through a couple forms on his clipboard—he must have been reading through them while working tonight.

"You seem distracted tonight, Yn-ie," he said. "Is everything okay?"

Despite being one of the busiest and hardest workers here, Jihoon was also one of the most observant, still. You leaned against the wall next to him, toeing at the floor. "Boys are stupid, right?"

Without hesitation or looking up from his clipboard, he replied, "As a boy, I can confirm."

That made you sputter out a laugh, and you saw him glance up and flash you a smile. When you couldn't find something else to say, he went forth. "I don't know the whole situation, and you don't have to tell me anything. But we guys are a little—" he made a gesture with his hands and wrinkled his nose, "—blind. You probably know that already, but dudes are dumbasses, and sometimes when feelings get in the way, they want to run for the hills.

"But if you think he's worth it, then reach out and be forward with him. And if he cares about you, he'll reach out and be honest," he finished. He let you settle with that thought, let it marinate in your brain to give you something to think about. (As if you didn't have a lot to think about already.)

You pressed your lips together with a slow nod. "Thanks Jihoon."

"Anytime, Yn-ie." He nodded back toward the direction you both had come from. "Let's go back that way, yeah? We've got some more housekeeping to take care of."

— ✶

Sunwoo was in trouble.

"...I thought I'd recommend a song that's been on my mind. I've actually been listening to quite a few Taylor Swift songs recently, especially since she's re-recording all her albums! So here's 'Superstar' from Fearless, Taylor's Version."

He had put your most recent podcast episode on full volume while he made himself dinner. It had been a long day today, and so his automatic thought was to listen to you. But now that he was getting into the meat of the episode, he was quickly coming to realize how much trouble he was in. You were playing the song, and it was a direct call out to him to wake the fuck up.

As the song faded to a close, your voice came back on.

"Actually, I was recommended the song by someone I know," you said in the mellow tone you'd been in for the entire episode so far. "I guess I'm just confused and I was wondering if they really meant what they said."

Sunwoo nearly dropped the egg in his hand onto the kitchen floor. Guilt swirled around in the bubbles of the soup in the pot and he frowned down at the rich, creamy liquid.

He sighed, tapping the egg against the counter and cracking its innards into the pot. "Of course, I really meant it," he said as if you could hear him. He wished he had the guts to tell you everything that was going on in his head… As his soup boiled away, he leaned against the empty counter to wait, cradling his head in his hands, groaning. "You're being unfair, Sunwoo."

"...This one's from Peony! They say: almost didn't realize Rhaps Anon wasn't in the last episode until the very end when we hadn't gotten a rec from them. Hope they're doing okay!" Ah, so you weren't the only one who noticed his brief absence. Your sigh filled the apartment, though, he heard the way you tried to force some kind of cheeriness into it. "Yeah, I hope they're doing okay too. But Rhaps'll be back! Let's all wish them well. Fighting!—"

Oh, man. Now he felt even worse.

He really needed to talk to you. Oh god, he really needed to talk to you. If not to confess, then to clear the air and assure you that all was okay on his end. He was just being a coward, and he knew that well enough now.

When his dinner had finished, Sunwoo turned the flame off and headed for his phone on the opposite counter. He lowered the volume as he went in and pulled up his text thread with you.

sunwoo's phone: hey,, i know ur probs busy w the play this week, but is there a possibility for me to see you sometime soon? i wanted to talk to u abt something

He gnawed on his bottom lip as he awaited your answer, until he realized you were probably working. That made him drop his phone and return to his dinner—maybe he just needed to not look, so his anxiety wasn't so high—

His phone buzzed and he bolted back over.

superstar 💫: i think i'll prob have some time saturday morning

EPISODE ELEVEN: [SOMEONE'S LOOKING OUT FOR YOU, LOSERS.]

YOU asked Sunwoo if he'd like to tag along with you as you did some grocery shopping before rehearsal on Saturday morning. His answer had been automatic, and you both agreed to meet each other at the bus stop to ride down to the larger supermarket down the hill together. Even as you stood at the corner of your street waiting for him beneath the overhang, you were trying to come up with possible things he was going to say to you. You had figured, when he’d texted you Wednesday night, that perhaps the best way to go about this would be to make this casual. Hence, why you were forcing yourself to go grocery shopping a day earlier than you usually did.

Casual, in this case, called for “you don’t have stare me in the eyes the entire time,” and to be frank, you were a little too nervous for that kind of setting anyway.

You tugged the edges of your cardigan over you as you heard your name being called from the opposing street. Sunwoo was bounding his way over to you with his arm raised in greeting. You returned the gesture with a soft smile. “Hey.”

He stopped by you, shoving his hands into the pockets of his gray jacket. “Hi,” he said, licking his lips. “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.”

The bus slowed to a halt in front of your stop, and the two of you retrieved your transportation cards to board. “You say that like I wouldn’t have agreed,” you chuckled and tapped your card, Sunwoo following suit.

The two of you managed to find a pair of empty seats near the second half of the vehicle where the exit was for an easy departure when you reached the foot of the hill. But for now, you tucked your bag onto your lap and settled into the window seat, while Sunwoo occupied the one next to you.

You turned your head to gaze out the window and watch the world blur by as you did. The Avenue streets were a tad narrower than most around the university, so the bus traveled as efficiently as it could from stop to stop before turning the block to make its descent. It was technically still morning, and though it was spring, the sky had decided to blanket the sunshine with gray clouds to form an atmosphere that reminded you distinctly of the past winter quarter. Except, instead of thin, empty branches, the streets and walkways were encased in darkening green leaves and falling pink petals, a nod to the short-lived cherry blossom season. From the corner of your eye, you saw Sunwoo’s foot start to tap against the ground like Thumper the Rabbit, and you wondered for the millionth time what was going on in that pretty head of his.

“I don’t really understand,” you found yourself saying—his head swiveled—and you turned to look at him, “did I do something wrong?”

Sunwoo stammered, "What? No, it wasn't you! It wasn't your fault at all—I was just—" he sighed, grimacing to himself. "I was just being stupid. And I know that sounds super vague, but the short answer is that I was being stupid and scared and insecure."

Your brows furrowed and you felt the bus come to a gentle stop at the foot of the hill. "Scared and insecure? What's going on; is everything okay?"

You both got up to make a quick exit off the bus and began making the short walk from the bus station into the outdoor shopping center.

There was a jittery bounce to Sunwoo's steps as well as a tension in his shoulders. "Last week," he began, "Jisung told me that he'd just left you at the practice room and that you were probably going to be there awhile."

You nodded, grabbing a basket at the front of the grocery store. That rang a bell for sure. It had been a very long day in the practice room, so you weren't quite sure what direction this was going in yet.

"Well, I wanted to go surprise you and come hang out with you. You know, like, to keep you company." He started scouring the opposite shelf to you in the dried foods aisle, his eyes nervously darting from the BUY ONE, GET ONE pasta noodles deal signs, to your person. "And when I got there, I saw you and Yangyang."

Me and Yangyang…? Oh, me and Yangyang.

It was like a lightbulb went off in your head, and you stopped pretending to look at the overpriced vermicelli noodles on the shelf behind you.

"And you guys were hugging and close and stuff—and by all means! I—I have no problem with that, of course," he added quickly, "I mean, you guys are really close… friends? And I just saw him lean toward you and left because I… I got the message." The latter portion was delivered in a defeated tone as he looked on toward you helplessly and sorrowfully. It was how Sieun described you Tuesday night when you'd seen Sunwoo at the restaurant: a sad sap.

You both stopped moving down the aisle to face each other. In the white, fluorescent supermarket lights, his hair hung in his eyes like his head in embarrassment. You were going to let him finish.

He cupped the back of his head, suddenly feeling so bare before you despite not being physically naked at all. "I thought some space might distinguish or extinguish my feelings for you," he continued, nose wrinkling and lip curling in a wince. "Clearly it didn't help, and I think overall, I realized I wasn't being fair to you—as a friend. And that I was also being the biggest fucking loser ever."

Wait, you were still reeling from the mentions about feelings—

Before you could even address the aforementioned, you had to make something clear first. You felt the corners of your lips lift. "Sunwoo, me and Yangyang really are just friends." At the confused, puppy-dog look in his eyes, you explained further, "That day, Yangyang came by and I made it clear to him that I just saw him as a friend. I felt really awful for feeling like I'd led him on and was going to lose his friendship."

Sunwoo's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, and he struggled to come up with the response he wanted. "So… so when he was leaning in toward you…"

"He leaned in and flicked my nose, then almost gave me a nosebleed," you chuckled. You'd given him a very appropriate flick to the forehead after that.

His eyes widened at that. "Well shit. Are you okay?" He asked, and you saw his smile slowly begin to make its appearance, the sun peeking through an overcast sky.

"Yeah, perfectly fine," you dismissed with a flick of your hand. "Especially now. But yeah, we're just friends."

There was a surge of relief in his tense shoulders. "Oh, okay."

He trailed after you as you continued to make your way down this aisle in particular to pick up the things that were on your shopping list.

At one point, he coughed, handing you the jar of red peppers you were reaching for. "So no hard feelings, right? I promise it will be totally back to normal!"

"Normal, as in back to before?"

He nodded eagerly. "Yeah! To be honest, Dovey, I was just kind of scared that I had lost my chance after waiting so long. I don't know. And I realized that I was just scared to face that fact."

You gauged his reaction and your own heart thundered in your chest. "Scared to face the fact that you'd lost your chance with me?"

"Well, yeah. I—" He stopped and froze like a deer in headlights. And in any other circumstance, you would have been laughing, but he seemed so distraught by what he just admitted to that you tried hard to suppress your amusement. Tried. "I just said that aloud, huh."

Nodding, you grinned fondly. "You did."

He smiled, cute and flustered, cheeks tinted pink. "You're always too easy a person to talk to," he muttered.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I would've said something sooner…" He began.

Something jumped to attention in your brain. Oh no. "Was I giving you mixed signals?" You pursed your lips like you'd just gotten into something sour. "'Cause I swore I thought my attraction to you was clear. And, like, the thing where I totally began rethinking my thoughts about Yangyang when you came into the picture—"

"Wow, so Changmin was right?" Sunwoo made a face, holding his hand against his forehead. "That's crazy."

"Crazy good or…?"

He chuckled, and you couldn't help but admire the twinkle in his eyes as he did. "Crazy so good."

"I don't think people actually say that."

He whined, "Yah, you can't already be clowning me. Not when I just confessed that I like you."

That made you sober up, but you couldn't say the same for your heart rate. Man, your BPM alone could probably power a bullet train… "I like you, too. I hope that's clear."

There you two stood in the middle of the dried foods aisle with twin smiles glowing on your faces, soft and shared. You didn't know what the BOGO pasta was doing, but it was definitely adding to the atmosphere. You had intended for running errands to distract you from whatever Sunwoo had wanted to talk to you about, but clearly that was not the case—it would have never worked like that. You would be damned to have missed something like this. Not with him.

Perhaps he had made a mistake—he was now apologizing and clarifying and trying. You could hear Jihoon's words of wisdom ring loud and clear in your head. There was something perfectly fine about how this turned out.

"No more mixed signals?"

"No more mixed signals," he agreed.

— ✶

The remainder of your errand run with Sunwoo had gone smoothly, and soon, you were both seated side by side once more on the bus up to the University District. Sunwoo had gotten a couple things for his fridge, too, and so you both sat with your grocery bags by each other and your fingers grazing the other. Ever since you had clarified your position with Sunwoo a little over an hour ago, you had been feeling much lighter, your heart skipping for a different reason. You were back to feeling the giddy excitement you always had around him, and especially since you knew he saw you in exactly the same way.

The two of you shared a laugh as you stepped off the bus and onto your block, grocery bags in hand.

“—I’m being completely serious! Apparently I was just snot-nosed wailing into her shirt about being single and forever alone,” Sunwoo guffawed, grinning wide at you as you both stopped to the side of the walkway. “And Eric was pissed, oh my god.”

“I mean, you just kiss-blocked him; kind of understandable,” you mused.

Sunwoo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Aye, I know. He’s a good guy though. Total loser, but a good loser. He made me hangover soup the next day.”

You let out a laugh, walking slowly with him down toward the entrance of your apartment complex. "That was sweet of him."

He snorted, "A little out of character, but yeah."

"You know," you piped up, "when I was applying and eventually interviewing for the position with Chan and Jihoon, I had no idea what either of them looked like. So I accidentally—woah, shi—"

Somebody coming down the sidewalk toward you crashed into your shoulder and sent you careening toward the sidewalk. Sunwoo swore as you let out a squeak—his arm looping around your waist and hauling you against him to steady you.

He lifted his head in the direction of the person with a glower on his face. "Hey! Dude, watch where you're going!"

"Thanks," you said sheepishly.

He turned to fix you with a smile, and you saw the moment he realized the position you were both in: you pressed firmly up against the side of his body, his arm wrapped around you, your faces so close to one another… He released his hold on you, neck burning as he cupped the back of it. "Heh, yeah. It's no problem. People should just really watch where they're going."

You coughed and nodded your head. "Yeah, for sure."

The pair of you were now in front of your apartment complex once more, reluctant to say goodbye. You wondered if he would ask to spend more time with you, but you had a feeling that he wouldn't want to intrude on your time any longer. It wasn't like he was intruding to you, but it was just a feeling you had about him. He wanted to respect your time.

And, well, you both had groceries to put away.

"So I'll uh, talk to you soon then?" You asked him, holding your grocery bags in front of you.

He peered at you through his lashes. "Definitely."

"This morning turned out way better than I thought it would, to be honest."

"Yeah no, same here," he echoed. "I'm just glad you actually gave me another chance."

You reached over and gave his shoulder a playful punch. "How could I not? I've always believed in you."

That seemed to ignite something inside of him. He jutted his bottom lip out and whined, "Oh my god, you can't just say that! You're so—wah."

You giggled, watching him squirm like he was being jolted by electricity. "Hey man, sometimes you've gotta be straightforward."

"Yeah, I know." He sobered slightly and took a step forward. Your heart clambered around in your chest and rattled your ribcage. There was this look in his eyes that made you glance at his lips—his perfect, plush, pink lips.

You held still, held your whole fucking breath, as he turned his head and kissed your cheek. It was feather-light, barely there, and yet, all the heat in your body seemed to rush to that single spot in a millisecond.

When he pulled away, his voice was soft. "How's that for straightforward?"

EPISODE TWELVE: ONE LOVE SONG CAN'T CONVEY HOW I FEEL FOR YOU, SO HERE'S TWENTY—

SUNWOO imagined that he looked as cartoonish as any man in love could. There had to be hearts in eyes, hearts around his head, hearts on a glittery pink trail that carried him everywhere he went. He giggled to himself as he fished his house keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door to let himself in.

"Oh my god. We've properly lost him."

With a loud, war-like AHHH!, Sunwoo yelped and nearly dropped his groceries, struggling to hold the bags to his chest as he pressed himself against the back of the front door. His apartment filled with high-pitched cackles of delight.

Though his heart was going through about a million cartwheels a second, he managed to force the fear from his eyes as embarrassment flooded his system. He flared his nostrils, frowning and tipping his head against the door. "I hate you guys!"

"You should hate Eric for giving JC!Yn your apartment key," Changmin wheezed, slapping his hands together and rolling around on the living room carpet as he pointed and laughed at Sunwoo's absolute misery. "You should've seen your face!"

Chanhee was on the couch with his legs curled up into his chest as he had his phone out, recording the entire thing. "This one's going in the drunk Sunwoo folder."

"Yah, I'm not even drunk!"

Chanhee shrugged. "It's become your general meme folder now. We should probably rename it."

Sunwoo whipped his head toward JC!Yn, who was seated on the opposite end of the couch with an amused smile on her face. "Noona! Are you just gonna let them bully me like this?"

Her smile widened. "Sorry, Sunwoo, but we didn't think you would miss us completely when you came in."

He let out a loud groan, fragging himself over to the kitchen so he could set the grocery bags on the counter and begin to unload them. "What're you guys doing here anyways? Isn't it Saturday morning? Where's Kei?" He asked, unloading a carton of juice from the bag and slotting it into the fridge.

Kei was JC!Yn's roommate, and the two girls always went on a grocery shopping date every Saturday morning with Changmin and Chanhee. They often made Changmin drive since he had the biggest car, and grocery shopping was an exclusive event that only the four of them were allowed to partake in. Eric, Sunwoo, and even Jacob had expressed distaste at that elitism. One of these days, they were bound to let someone else join… right?

But regardless, that always meant that Saturday mornings were occupied for them. So why were three-quarters of the group currently invading Sunwoo's apartment?

Changmin sat up from his place on the floor and fixed Sunwoo with a grin that made him nervous. "We dropped her off at their place, and we did go shopping this morning, but you'll never guess the curious thing we witnessed while we were there." His giggles sent a doom-like shiver down Sunwoo's spine.

Then it clicked.

Sunwoo abruptly stopped taking dried noodle packages out of the grocery bag. "You're kidding."

A snort from Chanhee. "Oh, you wish."

Sunwoo bashed his head against his sweater-covered palms. "No."

"Yes!" Changmin shrieked.

"I didn't know you guys went to that supermarket!" Sunwoo wailed, throwing his head back toward the ceiling. "You guys saw us?"

JC!Yn rested her chin against her arm as she leaned over the back of the couch to face him. "We heard you, too. I'm glad you decided to own up to your chicken-ness. See? Wasn't so scary after all."

Well, he couldn't exactly agree with that. But he also couldn't disagree with it. He'd been so scared he was about to lose your friendship then for being so insecure for no reason. A simple clarifying question could have saved the both of you so much strife. But the conversation also reaped rewards: your mutual confessions.

He sulked and didn't say anything.

"It was cute though, Sunwoo-ah," said Chanhee with a teasing lilt to his smile.

"And also," Changmin cut in, "what do you mean 'so Changmin was right? That's crazy?!'"

Sunwoo snorted. "Now that, I have nothing to say to."

"So what's the deal now?" JC!Yn asked. "Are you two dating now or…?"

Oh. Another long pause, then— "Oh my god, you didn't ask her out?"

"Hey! Listen!" Sunwoo yelled in an attempt to defend himself.

"We're listening." Chanhee folded his arms over his chest with a less than impressed look on his face. He scoffed. "I can't believe you pull."

"Shut up!"

"He hasn't even asked her out yet—how can he pull?" Changmin quipped back with frenzied gesticulations.

Sunwoo groaned as he flopped over the counter. He couldn't believe he was having such a good morning, and now he was being berated once more for his stupidity. How could he not ask you out? It was right there! The opportunity had presented itself a multitude of times, and yet, why was he still here, dateless?

Then there came the thought of how to go about this. There was a part of him who thought that just asking you was probably fine. But the other part remembered how much he liked you—so texting was simply not an option. It had to have some pizzazz, a bit of oomph, to it.

"We can see the gears turning in your head, Sunwoo," said JC!Yn. "What's on your mind, bub?"

Sunwoo looked up from where he had smattered himself onto the kitchen counter like a pancake. "I have no rizz."

Chanhee coughed. "Well, that's not news."

Sunwoo sent him a scowl. "How should I ask her out? I kind of want it to be special, you know?"

"Hmm." JC!Yn pursed her lips, tapping her chin in thought. "The other day, I was talking to Sangyeon about music or something or other, and he showed me the playlist he'd made his girlfriend—"

"His fake girlfriend," Changmin corrected with a little smirk.

She rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure Lee Sangyeon is not sad enough to make fake playlists for his fake girlfriend." It was a known inside joke amongst the friend group that Sangyeon had a "secret girlfriend" stashed away somewhere. A few of them liked to joke that she either didn't actually exist or that he kept her locked in his laundry machine or something. Mostly, though, they just wanted to know if he actually was single or not. What was the point of keeping her a secret anyway?

The slight change in victim brought Sunwoo's mood up. "What about the playlist, noona?"

She blinked, turning her attention back to her original train of thought. "Oh, right. What if you made her one of those cute, romantic playlists?"

The four of them exchanged glances with one another. It was a silent form of communication, one that had one uniform thought running through the wire.

— ✶

You'd received a text from Sunwoo about thirty minutes ago asking if he could stop by your apartment to drop off something of yours. Apparently, in the madness of the checkout aisle at the grocery store, he had accidentally "stolen" one of your cans of chicken noodle soup.

You hadn't bought chicken noodle soup though.

This was why you now anxiously awaited his arrival for the real reason he wanted to stop by. You had literally just seen him about an hour or two ago, but you'd be lying if you said you were happy at the prospect of seeing him again so soon. Your cheek still seared from his kiss.

As if he could read your thoughts, you heard a loud series of knocks at the door.

"Coming!" You called, hustling over from your living space area and over to the door.

After peeking through the peephole, you definitely saw Sunwoo, but what he was holding was nowhere near the likeness of a can of chicken noodle soup.

In a hurry, you ripped the door open, lips parted at the bundle of bright colored blooms in his hands. Sunflowers and carnations and lilies and roses—

He peered out sheepishly from behind the bouquet with his other hand occupied by his open phone. "Hi," he peeped.

"Hey," you exhaled, a grin fighting its way onto your face.

"If I made you a playlist, would you go out with me?"

You blinked, heartbeat rocketing into high gear. "Sunwoo," you started with a disbelieving laugh, "you don't have to—"

His thumb lowered onto a button on his phone. "Whoopsies, already did it."

Right on cue, you heard your phone buzz from your pocket. Curious, you withdrew it and opened the text message from him with a link to a Spotify playlist entitled: "One love song can't convey how I feel for you, so here's twenty."

You could have melted into a puddle of ooey-gooey goodness. "Sunwoo," you lamented, smiling way too wide now.

He beamed back at you. "What do you say?"

You shook your head, throwing your arms around him as he laughed and hugged you back. "You're so cute. Yes, I'll go out with you."

He gave you a little, warm squeeze. "Oh, thank god. I thought I was gonna die from anticipation."

You laughed and smiled into his shoulder. When you pulled away, your hand gently reached for the side of his face. "What if I kissed you right now?"

His eyes widened a smidge. "What if you wha--"

You cut him off and pressed your lips to his briefly, then pulled back.

"Wait, wait. Come back here," he murmured, chasing after you and crushing his mouth against yours. And it was perfect. Everything was perfect. The feel of his lips, the smell of his cologne, the firmness of his shoulders beneath your grip and the perfect pressure as you both sealed the deal with a kiss.

The two of you pulled away at the same time with labored breaths, foreheads meshed together as you caught your breath.

"You're not gonna turn this into a podcast episode, are you?" He asked, voice low and raspy, yet laced in a playful tonic.

You teased him right back. "As long as it doesn't end poorly."

He chuckled, and you could feel the vibrations of his laugh against your lips. "Then I guess I'll just have to make it the best date ever."

"Don't worry," you said with a cheeky hand on his chest, "I believe in you."

With a laugh, he grazed his lips over yours again. "Thanks, superstar."

a/n: hihi!! thanks so much for reading <3 if you enjoyed, i would deeply appreciate a comment, reblog, or an ask to tell me what u thought about it! much love, onto kevin's !!

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[s0dium]

Teachers pet

Professor!Toji x Student!Reader

A/n: This is for @sanoinc collab (sorry if im early)! Hope you guys enjoy. Also if you're a writer and want to be moots, drop by my inbox!

Synopsis: In which you have a deep infatuation with your professor Toji Fushiguro

Warnings: Inappropriate relationship, unprotected sex, rushed sex, pet names, age difference, masturbation, (reader is 18-21 and Toji is in his early/middle thirties) semi public sex, choking, riding, dry humping, spitting, squirting, cum eating

Toji Fushiguro was what all the girls of the campus would talk about and if you were lucky enough to be able to take his class, then you'd understand why.

Its because Toji Fushiguro was an enigma in the most alluring and fascinating of ways.

Everything about him exuded attractiveness and charsima. From how he spoke with conviction in each of his lectures to just how infuriatingly handsome he was, it was almost impossible for you not to slip a hand under your panties to the thought of him on top of you at night.

You swear that every time you lock eyes with his green ones as you sit in the lecture room, your heart stops. And when he says your name, god when he says your name, you wonder if that’s what herion feels like.

You know it’s wrong. You know it’s wrong that you’re spending more time on your appearance before a class, wearing shorter skirts and tighter t shirts in hopes he’d spend a just a second longer looking at you. Or how you sweetly smile at him with glossed lips just to see the scar on his lip move as he smiles back. And you know it’s wrong when you watch the muscles underneath his tightly fitted polo shirt move and you just can’t help but your your thighs together in neediness.

And you know it’s just puppy love. You’ve taken a few psychology classes before so you know it probably has something to do with daddy issues or what ever. But even as you stand in his office you can’t help but let your eyes wander to just how big his hands. And you cant help but wonder how they will feel inside of you.

“Y/n are you listening?”

Tojis stern voice snaps you back and you quickly compose youself.

"Yes, sorry Mr.Fushiguro." You respond as you clear your throat.

Toji raises an eye brow before readjusting in the seat behind a wooden desk and slightly leaning over the surface.

"Miss l/n" His voice lowers and you cant help but shiver "Over the course of this year you have proven to be an exceptionally bright young lady, one of my best students. So why," He reaches for something in the desk draw and pulls out a few papers. "Have you been failing these final tests, just weeks before the semester ends?"

You glance at the tests and gulp, keeping your mouth closed and lips pursed resulting in Toji to let out a sigh.

"Y/n, you know if you continue on this path, you will have to retake this class."

You slowly nod.

"And the remedial class wont be taught by me."

You're face fell upon hearing those words.

"Wait what?" You stammer. "I-I thought, thats not why I-, wait no why didnt anyone tell me I-" You cut your self off when you find your self looking at a wolfish smirk spread across Toji's face.

"So I'm the reason why you're failing." He says slyly and your face immediately erupts into a bright red hue.

"NO! No its not like-well it is but, NO no-"

"Y/n come here."

He cuts your blubbering off by motioning for you to come around the desk toward him. You comply, keeping your eyes glued to the floor as you approach him, playing with the ends of your skirt.

"Y/n."

You dont look up, continuing to play with your skirt with your hands.

"Y/n look at me."

You look up not only when you hear the command but when he grabs one of your hands and holds it in his own.

"Why do you want me to be your proffesor that badly? Its not like im going any where you can always drop by my office to say hello."

You harshly bite your lips at his words and furiously shake your head.

"No Mr.Fushiguro, I cant- its because....."

You can hear your heart beat in your ears and your throat seems to be closing up. You're not even aware that the words are slipping past your lips until you hear your self.

"It's because I like you." Your voice comes out as a meer whisper and you have to bite back the tears that threaten to spill from your face.

"What was that?"

"ITS BECAUSE I LIKE YOU!" You practically yell. "I've liked you seen I first saw you and I cant stop thinking about you Mr.Fushiguro you're all I think about day and night and I know its wrong, I'll get over it but," It was too late, there was no going back now, adrenaline rushed through your veins as you spilled every thought that coursed through you're mind. "I cant help it! You're the reason why I spend so much time getting ready in the morning or why I stay after class to help clean up. So please cut me off now before I say anything more because-"

Sure you asked him to cut you off, but what you dont expect is it to be done by him pulling you down by your hand for a kiss.

It takes you so by surprise that you dont even react for a few seconds, until something clicks in your brain and you immediatly start to reciprocate the kiss.

Its messy, spit smearing on either side of your lips as you both hungrily make out with each other. You let out a soft whine when he brings a hand to the small of your back and guides you ontop of his lap so you're fully straddling him in his chair. You thread a hand through his dark hair in an attempt to bring him impossibly closer to you, so you can taste even more of him warm mouth then you already have.

As you separate for air, a string of spit connects your tongues.

"I've been thinking about you too y/n." Toji says under his breath before diving into another kiss.

You let out a yelp when two of his hands grab either side of your hips and start to grind your cunt onto his hardened buldge underneath his pants. The stimulation to your clit has you whining but its not enough, so you reach down underneath your skirt to move your white panties from your sticky cunt to the side, revealing your bare cunt.

"Oh shi-" You gasp when you feel the friction on your clit and immediately bury your nose into the crook of Tojis neck making him chuckle. It was the type of scent you could breath in over and over again, the type that made your cunt squeeze around nothing and your gut twist. You dont even notice that he's unbluckling his belt and undowing his pants until you feel him reach under and pull out his dick.

You're eyes go wide when you're met with the sight of his angry red tip that was leaking milky white fluids from the slit. It was big, your imagination did no justice to Toji's size. Your mouth goes dry and another wave of arousal washes over you.

"W-will it fit?"

Toji lets out a snort and you notice the glint in his green eyes, how he seems a little more wild, unhinged.

"I'll make it, come on we don't got much time."

Toji guides your hips up so your hole is aligned with his weeping tip. Your about to slowly lower your self onto him when Toji grabs either side of your hips and slams you down onto his dick. A guttural moan escapes from your mouth as the absolute wind is knocked out of you.

Dull pleasure and pain clouds your brain from how the tip of Toji's dick smushes against your cervix and you cant help but let your eyes roll to the back of your head. This feels like a culmination of all your desires, everything you've been dreaming about for the past year, it was all so overwhelming.

"Come talk to me y/n." Its taking every last bit of Toji's self restraint to keep himself still inside you, to check if you're ok before he cant hold back anymore. You felt better than he expected, his fist was nothing compared to the warmth of your wet walls gripping his dick.

 “S’fine,” you manage slur out, “M’fine, just feels so good.” 

At those words, Toji grabs your ass, the fat of your skin filling the creases of his fingers like dough, and begins to lift you up and down the length of his dick. He is slow at first, letting you get use to his size before you start to take lead; using the strength of your thighs to lift yourself up and down.

"Yeah thats it," Toji hums, moving his hands to lift up your t shirt, cursing under his breath when he see's your not wearing a bra.

You alternate between grinding on him and bouncing up and down and Toji latches his mouth onto one of your bouncing nipples and moans into your skin.

Only seconds later fatigue starts to hit you and your arms and legs begin to tremble. You let out a whine and Toji catches on.

"I got you baby." Toji grabs ahold of the underside of your ass and thrusts up in out of you at a frightening speed.

The pap pap pap of his hips against your fill the room and the chair shakes with every movement. You're both a sweaty moaning mess as you fucked each other in carnal desire; lips frantically attaching to each other in a wet mess and breathing ragged, fast and sometimes slow.

“You’re so warm.” he murmurs into your ear. "Cant get enough of this cunt." Toji chuckles, lowering his head and letting a glob of spit land right on your pulsating clit. The thicker liquid covered it completely, as he pressed his groin on it, making sure that the stimulation of it now is unbearable.

The burning pit of desire in your stomach was causing you to feel something weird, something different.

"Ah, m'feel weird T-t-toji, m'feel different."

"Oh you gonna cum? Better do so soon before class starts."

You dumbly nod at his words grabbing the cloth of his polo shirt for dear life.

Feverishly, your pussy tightens around his cock, your mouth opens but no sounds come out of it. His hands that were holding your legs could feel the apparent shaking while he watched you struggle to contain yourself with the burst of liquid from your entrance.Your orgasms runs through your body like a lighting, igniting every single nerve just to come crashing into you in a wave of relief.

Toji works you through you're orgasm until his hip stuttering as he buries himself deep and comes so hard he's seeing white.

"Oh fuh-" He gasps, eyes fluttering and lips slightly parting, and you swear to god its one of the most beautiful sights you've seen. You whined at the feeling of warm seed filling you up to the brim and you unintentionally, probably instinctually, squeezed around him, drawing more out. Without thinking you reached down where some dripped down at the base and brought the liquid to you're mouth; licking you're fingers clean and savoring the salty taste.

"Shit, you're really a piece of work Y/n."

[l0v3tast3]

Heyyyy 🤭I really love your young! reader stuff they're what i actually need! Can i ask for a one with the 141 boys but instead of the reader being someone they work with she's a rescued hostage who had to be with them for a good while 🤭🤎🤎?

✎ first of all omg thank youuuu ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ second of all yes i love this idea !!

✎ tags: young reader, non-military reader, gender neutral reader i'm pretty sure, some violence and trauma, smoking, mostly fluff, not proofread im too cool for that as usual

♡ kyle finds you huddled in a corner curled into a tight ball during a firefight. he's frantic and a bit rough with you (to be fair, there are bullets flying pretty much everywhere) as he practically drags you with him to the team's rendezvous spot. except, once you both get there, he kind of realizes he doesn't know what to do with you, and you don't either.

♡ price is about to start yelling at kyle when he takes one look at you, terrified and practically clutching onto your rescuer, and backs down. he mumbles that they'll take you back with them and see that you're taken care of. simon and john don't say anything, just sharing a look between each other, both wondering how this would go.

♡ the safehouse is cramped, a small cabin tucked between cliffs in a dense forest. one rough path led for miles before it came to a better road. simply put, you were all going to be stranded there for a few weeks before they could get a pinpoint on your location and to retrieve the team. so, you all got to know each other.

♡ it takes you a fitful night's sleep (still close to kyle) and a quickly eaten can of condensed soup to start talking again. price coaxes your name out of you, and he smiles when you tell him quietly. despite his initial reaction everyone can see how quickly he warms up to you. ghost takes a little longer than price and john, but joins in on your card games with the other three soon enough (he waits until you've actually learned how to play the games to spare his patience).

♡ you tell them about who you were and they learn who you are over the worn card deck and more canned food. it takes you a little longer to talk about your hometown before it crumbled beneath lead, and longer still to talk about your family. they don't push you for it, and kyle sits with you and holds your hand when he finds you outside crying. price warns the younger man to not let you both get too close to each other, but it's hard to social distance in the tiny safehouse.

♡ it takes a couple weeks but you surprise them when you stop getting anxious when kyle leaves your side, and you stop looking out the window every few minutes when he leaves the cabin. price and john are hopeful while simon stays skeptical that the separation once you all get back to the base will be easy (on any of you, really).

♡ laswell manages to send out a helicopter to land in a clearing in the forest not far from the safehouse after three and a half weeks. your grip on kyle's hand is white-knuckled the entire time you're in the air. when you're all on solid ground again, the other three men walk ahead of you while kyle urges you further onto the airfield of the base.

♡ price and simon go off on their own while john joins kyle and you in heading towards the doctors on base. they explain everything you pass as you pass it, what's behind that door and who those people are and what's down that hallway. you keep a hold on kyle's hand the entire time.

♡ you finally separate from him when you're sitting on one of the beds in the doctor's office, a nice woman about a decade older than you talking to kyle and john in the hallway while you look around anxiously. after spending nearly four weeks surrounded by the 141 task force, you feel exposed and unprotected now, ironically.

♡ kyle comes back into the room by himself first to tell you how the doctor was going to talk to you and look over you for a little while until they can find you a new home. the hug you give each other is tight on both ends, and it takes a few moments for either of you to let go. john comes in to give you a short pep talk and ruffles your hair. he tells you you're stronger than half of the people here and gives you a pat on the back that lurches you forward slightly before the two men leave.

♡ the doctor can see pretty easily that you've become attached to kyle (and the other three, but more so the youngest). so before anything else, she works with you for hours over cups of tea and coffee and vending machine snacks to both establish what she's working with and to help convince you that you were safe here and safe without them by your side.

♡ it takes a couple of weeks for you to stop looking over your shoulder everywhere you went. people were nice to you when they weren't avoiding you; they treated you almost like a new animal, unsure of how you would react to anything (price had had a "word" with the recruits, basically saying if they did anything to you, it wouldn't be pretty for them). you still managed to make some new friends of some of the recruits. it spreads through base pretty quickly that people like you, and having the favor of the 141 task force certainly helps.

♡ it's still a huge adjustment for you to be without kyle and the other three men. you don't sleep for three days before they finally have to sedate you to make the dark circles under your eyes back off. you're jumpy and avoidant for a while, unsettled by the long hallways and the marching of boots everywhere you went. when you stray too close to where the recruits trained and hear barrages of gunfire going off, they find you hours later huddled in a closet behind a makeshift wall of cleaning supplies.

♡ the doctor works with you through all of it, and surprisingly still, you make good progress rather quickly. they thought it would take months for you to return yourself to a sense of normalcy, but within a few weeks you know the base layout and walk more confidently through it.

♡ the 141 men visit you when they can. kyle most of all, he finds whatever time he can to hang around you. he worries that his presence might not help you, but after a few weeks you're no longer reaching for him to cling to him whenever he's around. instead, you make him little gifts of cards out of printer paper or wood carvings that look a little wobbly but are still cute nonetheless.

♡ john and price still come around to play card games with you every few nights, and sometimes simon joins them. you don't see much of the ghost, but when he's around he sits next to you and helps you under the table to beat price.

♡ simon catches you alone trying to get a bag of chips unstuck from a vending machine in the middle of the night and helps you get it out (he nearly tips the whole thing over shaking it). he doesn't say much to you, but the hand lingering on your shoulder says enough, and you give him a hug and a quiet "thank you" for more than just the chips before being on your way.

♡ you stay on the base for a few more months. somehow john starts teaching you the basics of how to fight and defend yourself after everyone else has gone back inside for the evening. he says you're like a baby deer trying to learn how to walk with three legs at first, but you eventually start to be able to throw decent punches and keep your footing steady.

♡ at some point, you start venturing into the world off-base (chaperoned, of course). usually it's someone you don't really know very well going with you, but a few times kyle or john come with you. kyle goes with you shopping, being pulled along through the isles of shirts and pants and all kinds of accessories that your hometown's few stores never carried. he humors you when you take hours finding and trying on all types of outfits, and he puts up with your whining when he drags you out.

♡ john tries to take you to a bar to "socialize", as he deems it, but when he sees how anxious you are and how the loud bass of the constant music makes you jump every few seconds, he takes you on a walk along a quiet river. you both sit on a bridge for awhile, watching boats go past in the bay ahead of you and just talking about whatever crosses your mind. you tell him eventually that the doctors think you should be able to leave the base within the next few weeks.

♡ price keeps up your "training" with you. he teaches you plenty of different ways to take people down, which you figure you'll probably never have to actually use, but you like the time spent together. he gives you unsolicited fatherly advice a lot, and besides self-defense, he teaches you a lot of other practical things. you find yourself able to semi-reliably diagnose car problems and knowing the basics of how and when and where to go fishing.

♡ simon and you spend the least amount of time together out of the four men, but when you do, it's nice and peaceful. you find him outside smoking sometimes and stand beside him. once, he offers you a cigarette and you try it, only for him to laugh and take it from you when you cough up a lung. he finds you smuggling candy bars and other contraband to recruits and helps you figure out good places to hide your stashes.

♡ a few days before you're sent to your new apartment outside of the base, the team decides to throw a "little" party for you. kyle finds you in your room and tells you to follow him but refuses to answer your questions of why and where you're going. once you're closer to their common area, he makes you close your eyes and steers you forward.

♡ you hear scrambled movements and hushed whispers and when you open your eyes, everyone yells "surprise!" and starts coming up to hug you and congratulate you on your progress. there's colorful balloons and cheap party hats and streamers peppering the area, store-bought cookies and snacks and a cake in your favorite flavor with the word "CONGRATULATIONS!" written on it in icing all sitting on a table, along with plenty of alcohol. there's even a banner hung up on the wall above the way into the little kitchen (it's a "happy birthday" banner, john says it's all they had left at the store, it still makes you smile).

♡ the four 141 men are there, laswell, and some of your closer friends you made with the recruits, and a couple of nurses you had also befriended. the recruits and nurses get you gifts, a couple of plants, some cookware, mostly housewarming presents to take with you. laswell hands you a small well-wrapped box and card (she tells you her wife wrapped it for her), and when you open it, there's cash and a beautiful pocket knife for you to keep.

♡ after a few hours, people start filing out, bidding you goodbye and their best wishes. once it's you and the 141 men left, all slightly buzzed sitting around more cards, they pull out their gifts to you. price gifts you a box of expensive cigars (he says that if you don't smoke them you can still show them off), john gives you a poster of a movie you both had watched together and loved. simon gives you a hand-carved wooden figure of an animal you had once told him you'd had as a kid. kyle gives you a pin that you had pointed out at a store once, saying it looked just like the one your mother had always worn for formal occasions. you're already basically in tears when they hand you a list of their contact info for when you leave, then you're fully crying.

♡ the day you leave, they all escort you to the car that will take you there. they insist on carrying all your luggage to the car, not that there's much of it. you cry again, hugging them all tight. you'd said your goodbyes to them individually already, but now you were really leaving. john is clearly holding back tears and price keeps clearing his throat as if it were tightening with his own emotions. simon doesn't cry, but he hugs you extra tight. kyle hugs you last, telling you to not get into anymore trouble, to call them if you ever need anything, so on and so forth. he's the last to leave the sidewalk while they all watch the car drive away.

♡ as it turns out, the apartment they placed you in (a small one bed, one bath, but still nicer than your house before all this) is a reasonable drive from where price lives. he makes time for you whenever he can, and kyle often tags along. all four men and you meet up every couple of weeks for a daytrip in the area. somehow, you even end up bringing the four men closer to each other, too.

♡ they help you move new furniture in (with lots of cursing, but still happy to help you) and "oo" and "aa" over all the new decorations and pieces you get for around the place. they visit you at your new job after you get settled into it. you even stay friends with some of the recruits from the base, sending letters and visiting every couple of months when they're allowed.

♡ the new change is huge, but with their help, you become a full member of society once again. the team watches out for you, as always. they come to see you as part of the team itself, even if you aren't actually part of the military.

[awxcoffeexno]

medicine

husband!joel x reader

fic masterlist

summary: your mind and his heart are breaking in sync and medicine doesn't seem to be fixing either.

content: angst, angst, angst, what's new tbh, I'm v sorry I didn't mean to torture you, reader's got mental health problems, joel is a contractor, no outbreak (no use of y/n, no outbreak, age gap (reader is in her 20s, joel is in his 40s))

warnings: terrible mental health, mentions of self harm, mentions of prescribed drug and sedative use, please don't read this if any of this is going to trigger you, this fic might be short but it's super heavy!!

word count: 1.1k

a/n: the way I sobbed writing this lmaoo im sorry T.T, i'm super sick and wrote this in one morning so forgive any errors pls

the door creaks open with a soft lament, announcing joel's arrival.

he's home, but he's not; a tangible ghost hovering between two worlds—one defined by deadlines, contracts, and relentless stress, the other confined to the four walls of a home that has grown colder with each passing day. his footsteps trace a familiar path down the hallway, each one laden with hesitancy and regret, as if the floorboards themselves are a minefield.

when he finally enters your bedroom, you're on the floor, surrounded by photos torn from their frames. your eyes are vacant, aimlessly scanning the images while your mouth mutters words without meaning. the coherent world has slipped through your fingers like grains of sand, and you're drifting on an endless tide, lost in your own head once again.

his eyes scan the scene, widening with a mixture of despair and recognition. "what is happenin’ here, angel?” his voice cracks, a frayed rope on the verge of snapping. you can't answer him, your own words a garbled mess that even you don't understand.

the pill bottle sits untouched on the nightstand, a mute accusation. he glances from you to the bottle and back, his face the canvas of a losing battle between frustration and fear. “y’need to take your medicine,” he exhales, grasping for some sense of normality.

"i don't... why? no. no!" your resistance manifests in broken sentences, but the message is clear in your wild eyes and trembling hands—you hate those pills, hate the haze they cast over your mind and the way they strip you of whatever agency you have left.

"please," he implores, his voice tinged with desperation. he takes a step toward you, but you recoil, pushing yourself further into the corner of the room. the boundaries of his world are closing in, contracting with each day that passes. “y’have to take it,” he repeats even as it kills him, “you ain’t safe like this, sweetheart.”

not safe because he’s seen the frantic mess you turn into. the way you try to find all the knives he’s hidden away in the depths of the attic. the way you pull your hair out in handfuls - the hair he so dotingly does up in braids or in little bows every morning.

a choked sob escapes your lips, a wounded sound that cuts through the tension like a knife. "don't...no, can't...please..."

his eyes dart to the windows, then to the walls that separate your home from your neighbors. "shhh, angel, we can't disturb the people next door, come on now," he says, but his attempt to mask his panic with practicality is failing. the strain is showing in the tight line of his jaw and the pinched corners of his eyes.

he reaches for the pill bottle with shaking hands, the weight of each second like a stone sinking in water. he pours a pill into his palm and moves toward you. you lash out, disoriented, your hand making contact with the bottle, sending it flying across the room. pills scatter on the carpet like lost stars.

for a moment, joel just stands there, staring at the mess as if it's a physical manifestation of your lives—chaotic, broken, irretrievable. then, grabbing the box with syringes from your shelf, he rushes toward you, grabs your flailing arms, and restrains you with an iron grip that's part desperation, part surrender. he holds you tight, as if by sheer force he can meld the fractured pieces of your existence back together.

it hurts you and he knows his grip isn’t gentle. it's ugly. it's painful. but it's the only way he knows to keep you from falling off the edge, the only way he can tether you to a reality that's slipping further and further away. his arms tremble around you, and his breath comes out in ragged gasps that mirror your own disordered breathing.

"i love you. god, i love you so much," he chokes out in apology, the words barely audible over the sound of both your shallow breaths. you can't reply, your own voice lost in the labyrinth of your fragmented mind, but you cling to him as if he's the last solid thing in a world made of quicksand.

finally, your resistance wanes, drained by the struggle, by the sedative he manages to get into your arm after what felt like an eternity of fighting. your body goes limp in his arms, and he gently, carefully, lays you down on the bed. his hands hover over you for a moment, as if he's afraid to let go, afraid that if he does, you'll slip through his fingers for good.

only when he's sure you're asleep does he allow himself to break. he sits on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, and cries. silent, gut-wrenching sobs that he's held back for too long. he weeps for you, for him, for the love that's become a war zone, a place of unending battles with no victories in sight.

his shoulders shake as he cries, looking at the scratches your nails have left on his arms through his tears. he thinks of the hours he's spent away from you, lost in a job that demands more than he has left to give. each contract signed, each project completed, feels like another step away from you.

he thinks of tomorrow, and the day after, each stretching out in front of him like an endless road leading nowhere good. what if it happens again? what if he comes home to find you worse? if? when. when it happens he has no idea what he’ll do.

the hardest thought, the one that hurts the most, is the future he can no longer picture, the one where you fade away completely, lost in a mind that's become a maze with no way out. he can almost see himself, years from now, sitting beside a bed where you lay but are not really there, your eyes vacant, your hands still. the thought is too much and it breaks his heart.

he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand, stands up, and looks at you one more time. you're peaceful now, your face relaxed. for a brief moment, he allows himself the illusion that everything is okay, that you're simply asleep, and that you'll wake up tomorrow as the person he fell in love with.

but deep down, he knows the truth. love, as strong and as deep as it is, can't fix this. he can’t fix this. and as he leaves the room, switching off the light and plunging the world into darkness, that thought is the heaviest burden of all.

--

tysm for reading. also a big thank you for all the love on my other fics, makes writing all the more fun

love, d 🖤

[clarks-letterman]

What about the reader is terrified of spiders, so when johnny corners them, they back into a wall where there's webs and spiders. They freak out, preferring to jump into the arms of a killer than have spiders on them.

Id love to know how johnny would react, if he'd be surprised and try to talk them through their fear or would torture them by making them touch the webs. (This would definitely be me because im terrified of spiders 😅😅)

johnny slaughter x gender neutral!reader

a/n — IM SCARED OF THEM TOO. FUCK GODS GREEN EARTH NO ONE WOULD EVER WILLINGLY MAKE THOSE FREAKs. (but bees scare me more and I injected just a tad of that in here too cause they can FLY. ohhhhh if spiders could fly too it'd be over for me😭) btw let me know if Johnny needs to be written differently, I'm still getting used to writing a southern character since I usually write characters with transatlantic accents and dialect and alll!

summary — check the ask! basically the same, I just tried to make Johnny somewhere in the middle between mean and comforting + ambitious ending to the best I could

warnings — implied harm, mentions of blood (it's really tame)

word count — 2k

~~~ story under the cut!

You had to get out of this place. You didn’t know what this was, all you knew was that you were underground, trapped in a maze with psychos trying their hardest to get you. Screams came above as well as below, where you were. It was dark in some areas and barely lit in others, letting you know that there must have been a way up. There was a guy with a freaking chainsaw! But worst of all, there were spiders. Everywhere. They rappelled down from the rusty light fixtures and sheets of metal tinning the roof of each tunnel with a thin glistening string that you had to be mindful of to avoid. The blood on your face was no match for a spider coming into contact with it, or any part of your body for that matter. You couldn’t count how many times you had walked right into one moving itself down a line of silk. In every crevice and crack, in all the hiding spots, and even weaving little webs between each rickety step leading up from the basement.

The place was already confusing enough as is, but when you reached the top step—where the high Texas sun met the line of darkness enshrouding the basement—you knew you were in the clear from those eight-legged freaks. Now, you just had to deal with the ones with two legs, buzzing around like worker bees trying to get their sweet, sweet blood-red honey. 

The start of it was easy—their footsteps strong and heavy and the creaking of the floorboards gave away their positions, so you knew what rooms to avoid in their farmhouse. One guy was too busy setting up traps around the various places you could squeeze yourself through, and the blonde girl a few feet away from him was waiting to “add a little something” as she put it. You didn’t want to stick around to find out what she meant, so you found freedom through an unlocked door at the back of the house. Their front yard was a mess of old cars and fencing found on farms in the area—you had driven by enough when traveling to Newt to recognize them. They were used for cattle, but their purpose here was to keep people in with its complex layout, and you were almost out of the dilapidated mess.

Down along the path was a shack with what you hoped would be more supplies. Something like another thin object to slide into the various padlocks these freaks had installed, or something sharp to defend yourself with. Whatever it was, it just had to be something useful. You did your best not to get spotted, keeping away from the beaten path by ducking into the tall grass for most of your walk down to the shack. The first door you noticed on the exterior was unlocked and opened with ease like they weren’t trying to protect the things inside—or stop anyone from leaving. But everything looked to be personal on the inside, intimately lived in with a mess of wrappers and laundry and dirty dishes crowding up such a small space. He was a worker bee with no time for himself.

And just like that, you could hear his buzzing in the form of footsteps from outside. You moved to hide behind the side of his couch, crouching and hoping that it covered enough of your figure to make it seem like you weren’t there. His boots were heavy on the ground outside and heavier on the wood floor. He had little care for the door, slamming it open with a loud bang. Maybe he would do a quick sweep around the room and leave, but the words uttered under his breath proved you wrong. “They’re always so careless…”

He must have been tracking you, and you wondered for how long. Maybe that’s why it had been so easy to get down to this place—he wanted you to come here. While you were hidden behind his couch, you took the brief opportunity to map the area out. Everything was either too big or too risky to run for if you wanted to fight back, but there was a slit in the wall furthest from you. It looked like a piece of it had fallen off, creating the perfect diffusion in the house’s cracks for your escape. The only thing now was deciding when to run, when to risk it all, and expose yourself for a brief moment before you slipped through the little mousehole.

But that never happened. Your window of opportunity escaped faster than you when you entered this building because the man’s footsteps were steady, straight, and determined. He didn’t miss a single beat and rounded his couch in seconds upon entering the place. You could see his fingers tooling with the knife in his hands, preparing to keep a firm grip on it as he slashed and sliced. He went for his first swing, missing as you stood up and made a dash for the slit in the wall. You still intended on running, even if he had already found you.

“You thought you could hide in my stink? When this is all over, I’ll add that pretty face of yours to the collection.” The voice sounded painfully close to you, and you could feel the swish of air as he swung again with his knife. He didn’t land the hit but in your attempt to dodge it, you moved too far to one side and came into contact with the wall to your left. Your exit was so close, but he closed in on you, making it impossible to reach unless you intended to overpower the man with sheer strength alone. 

With your back pressed flat against the wall, you had no choice but to accept what was going to come to you. That was until you felt a sensation along your neck and arms. It was this light, almost invisible touch but you knew it all too well. Just one strand of it needed to ghost your skin, and the rest of your body would light up with fear—thinking that the silky sensation of a spider’s web was all over you. It was irrational, but also completely sane. Those eight-legged freaks were quick to weave webs and they could be crawling all over you right now! You couldn’t stand the thought of one being on you or near you, let alone multiple. In your panic, you moved away from the wall and towards the man in front of you. Who cares if he had a knife and a murderous intent? Those spiders had eight legs, were probably poisonous, and would bite you the first chance they got, at least this guy would only do one of those when you were in his arms. Your arms were between your body and his, feeling the reassurance of the fabric of his tattered black tank. He seemed to be happy by the outcome of your reaction, but he didn’t know what caused it other than his own ego.

“Good, you’re makin’ this easy for me. I’ll be nice and make it hurt a little less.” He laughed, sounding delighted before it faded into something sinister. He spoke again but with a gruff tone, then confusion followed, “Playtime—huh?”

Johnny noticed that you weren’t looking at him with pleading eyes. The begging he was used to hearing, the same kind he would chuckle and grin at before turning those cries into screams never came. Instead, your head was turned back to look at the decently sized web spun up against the wall. It filled out the entire corner and it was almost impossible to not touch it when he backed you into that part of his shack. 

“The hell is your problem?” He asked, “Do those things bother ya?”

You nodded your head. When you did look back towards him, he was met with a frustrated look with outlines of fear twisting your face and twinging your voice. “Why haven’t you killed that thing?”

“He ain’t hurtin’ nobody!” Johnny defended himself.  “I like to think that me and him have a… a similar connection and he eats the mosquitoes takin’ all the blood form ya that I want to drain, but I’ll get rid of ‘em if it means you’ll get your priorities straight.”

Johnny wasted no time moving around you and getting to work on the spider’s web. This was your chance to run, the hole in the wall just a few feet away as you backed up to give him some room. But you didn’t go anywhere, you stood and watched as he tooled his knife in circles, spindling it until roughly half of his blade was covered in a spool of cobwebs with a few spiders too stunned to move resting on it. 

He turned back around, holding the blade close enough to himself that it was making you uncomfortable just seeing it. You imagined them crawling under his gloves, laying eggs, and hatching a million spider babies in the few seconds they were under there, and then a flurry would crawl out from underneath and create a sleeve of themselves over his arm.

“Could you… get rid of it?” You asked, wincing at the sight of the spiders. They weren’t even moving—but maybe they were preparing to jump like some of them do. 

Johnny was fed up by this point. He started to feel as if he had gone after the worst of the victims by tracking you. “Aw hell, that thing is more scared of you than you are of it!”

“I just… hate them,” you shuddered. Your eyes darted up to his face, taking solace in that as it was a much better sight than the wiry spiders he was handling. You tried to think of something else to, and you ended up saying something smart back to the unreadable stranger. “And your knife won’t be much use if you can’t, uh, stab me.”

You could hear him complaining to himself as he brushed past you, “I should make you lick this for giving me trouble.”

But he never did. He marched right outside, making sure you followed close behind him with a wave of his covered hand. It gave you a second to think while he was distracted. Why was he being so nice? He was part of the same group that had you strung up by the arms hours ago, and now he was clearing his place of the spiders—which, he would have a lot of work to do if you were to stay here. The sheer number of them would make you call an exterminator for the entire state of Texas; this place felt like their central hive. Your thoughts were interrupted when you stepped outside, and you two stood on the flattened dirt path leading back up to the house you had just escaped from. Johnny had stopped, turning back to point the blade at your face.

“See?” He said, bringing the blade closer to you. He got a kick out of seeing you squirm, but you had an underlying trust that he wouldn’t do anything too impulsive like throwing it at you. “Didn’t move an inch.”

He bent down, kneeling to keep himself steady as he pinched the part of his knife where the silvery steel met the molded handle and, with one clean sweep, wiped the spiders and their webs clean off onto the ground. He stood back up and pressed his boot down into the dirt. You watched with your own eyes as the spiders were obliterated into nothing but mangled remains. For extra insurance, he swiped the blade of his knife across his jean-clad thigh to make sure it was clean. Then, he turned back to you with a proud look on his face.

“There we go.” He trailed off, his eyes darkening at the realization that all of your attention was back on him. “Now, where were we…?”

[jaemlonfz]

MOVIE STAR

jaehyun x fem!reader

tw: english isnt my first language correct me if theres any mistakes actors!au, sex, jaehyun is kinda rude at first but gets cute at the end, creampie, sex on the couch, unprotected sex but please wrap yourself, I didn't proofread, if I have errors, help me, idk if there more.

wc: 2,9k

synopsis: you get really shy after a makeout scene with jaehyun, on your new kdrama and he makes a way of you get over it - or get even more shy.

author's note: i posted this last year and im editing it so looks better, english isnt my mother tongue so im sorry if theres any mistakes

movie star - cix

Last year was a wonderful year for your career, getting the attention you wanted and completely fair to your work, you finally started to see your career take off like a rocket. It was thanks to the second drama you did, having the role of the protagonist's best friend, the few scenes that you were the protagonist made many people appreciate your talent and started calling you for several series and films. This is one of them.

This new drama consisted of you as the lead, the famous Jeong Jaehyun as the second lead, and Hwang In-Youp as the second romance option. The script was really that common drama thing, it has a plot between two rival CEOs - you and Jaehyun - and your secretary - In-Youp. But the story at the end is about who you would end up with, and in this case it's Jaehyun.

His personality on camera is surprising, he managed to be a brat in person, even though he is the grandson of a CEO of a large company.

After several recordings, the satisfying last episodes arrived, a bit of a reward for those who were tense during the entire drama. In case you and Jaehyun finally act like a romantic couple, and that's where our problem comes in.

There was one scene in particular, after a long day of bad luck you come home and collapse in bed tired. When Jaehyun plans to make a surprise visit to your apartment and he finds you totally tense, lying face down on the bed he decides to treat you. The tiring night turned into something super fun, with movies and popcorn, something simple and pure.

Until the TV light tired their eyes, so they decided to sleep. The thing is, none of them could sleep a wink. Even though the night was fun, the concerns of your work came to the fore when you remembered that you would step in that place again, and in Jaehyun's head, there was no intense thought, but images of you rolling in slow motion, making it clear that he was extremely grateful and lucky to have you.

Moonlight illuminated the room, and two people awake while the clock read 1:27 in the morning, and you couldn't take it anymore. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, you can't sleep either?" He asked and you soon grumbled in response. Undoing the shell, you turned it to face him.

"What's going on in your head, is it insomnia again?" Innocent words come out of your mouth

"You're on my mind, that's why I can't sleep" He smiled breathing heavily. Approaching without noticing, when he noticed he was already glued to his body. Now with both heavy breaths he decided to close the path, kissing her mouth for minutes that felt like a few more hours. Kissing down her neck and neck of her breasts. His breathing was a lot heavier now.

The scene was in the script. You had to record it, but this kiss was so sincere, Jaehyun had his hands on your precious waist, moving his thumbs in circles making you shiver just thinking about it.

Thank God that the producers shouted that the take was over, as the scene was on the brink of going off script. When you heard the warning, you got out from under the covers and ran to your dressing room. Taking a deep breath and mentally hammering that it was just a scene, and apparently there would be no need to redo it.

After a few minutes of the incident, you were already in the dressing room, with an iced americano on top of the dressing table, when someone knocked on the door. Screaming they can come in you were amazed when the director entered with Jaehyun in your small room.

'Thanks to your coworker here we are going to make some changes to the script, putting in more mature scenes. After everything the characters have been through they deserve a little bit." He finished the sentence and left the room leaving you and Jaehyun alone.

Your cheeks and ears were the deepest shade of red and you were blinking hard trying to believe this was just a dream.

When Jaehyun really stopped imagining what the additions to the script would be, he looked at you, and saw your face as red as a strawberry.

"It's just a scene." He said laughing. "You think you can't do it? The most pleasurable scene of all and you'll have to call your stunt double?"

He moved closer and closer, never giving your cheeks a chance to return to their normal tone.

"Are you going to have to call a stunt double just because you're too embarrassed to give yourself up to me?" He laughed, releasing the cold air on your neck. "Where's your professionalism?"

Now Jaehyun looked exactly like the character. Arrogant with a sky-high ego, but a hottie. And you were like your character too, always with red ears and extremely hurt by your teasing, but you changed the script - at least you tried - took your still arms out of place and grabbed Jaehyun's chest trying to throw him away, but failing miserably, as he had now taken ypur hands and bent down to kiss the palms of both.

"I'll see you soon." He whispered in her ear and gave a peck seconds before walking out the door.

Your heart was racing, and after that damned conversation you had to play the part without calling in any backup, just to prove something to that damn brat.

In the new scene, you were lying on the sofa while Jaehyun's hands explored your neck, slowly sliding down, his lips were sealed to yours and your hair was completely messed up, but in such a sexy way that you wanted to die.

Seconds later his hands descended to her waist and his lips slipped in the lap of your breasts, his face was bright and his eyes completely dark. When the director shouted "Cut!" you practically jumped off the couch like crazy and ran without even hearing feedback on your acting.

Since then the scenes have become much more difficult to record, your heart has been racing more and more and the amount of times you stutter seems abnormal. A few weeks ago you and Jaehyun were practically best friends, at the end of every recording you would go out drinking and having fun, but now you leave him as soon as the take is over and he definitely noticed.

-

"How can my lead actress run away from me like that" - Jaehyun said entering your dressing room and locking the door. From the look on his face he had plotted something and was close to executing his new plan.

Your face has already turned red remembering those lips wandering over your neck, stuttering uncontrollably you started to walk backwards until you hit the wall.

I know what happened to you, and that's pretty sweet to be honest - He followed you like a magnet follows metal, soon joining you by the wall.

His bare muscular arm - thanks to the blessed tank top he decided to wear today - was resting on the wall next to your reddened face.

"The directors are starting to complain, saying that your acting and professionalism has gone downhill" He said with those pink lips at the tip of your ear.

"If it continues like this they will end the series, and end the contract." Now he kissed your ear. "I know how to solve this."

That was his plan. And you knew it, but you were tempted. Did your career just take off and it's about to crash? You were lucky when you signed the company papers as it was one of the biggest in Korea. But now that was a disadvantage, if they fire you they'll spread it all over the press and you'll end up broke. So you fell for Jaehyun's miserable plan.

How would you solve this? - Your voice trembled along your legs.

"If you fuck with me, you'll lose the embarrassment of kissing me in front of the cameras." He said kissing down and biting your neck.

"We don't have more kissing scenes." You complained while giving space to Jaehyun, who was about to fit his knee between your legs.

"But I can change that. Again." Now he looked into your eyes, going through your physical body being able to see even your soul. "Do you want my help?"

Jaehyun's dark eyes pleaded with you without saying anything. And you couldn't deny or nod. You only managed to kiss that pretty mouth without saying anything.

In a matter of seconds you are pressed firmly against the wall, your hands on Jaehyun's neck, scratching, and his hands are divided. One on your neck trying to pull you closer and the other squeezing your waist.

Your eyes were closed, but when the kiss broke and you went to admire Jaehyun, your vision was blurrier than the streets when covered in fog. That was Jaehyun's effect on you.

It covered you like smoke leaving you dizzy, without vision and any senses.

And in that not seeing straight, you just felt your weight being carried to the couch. You were sitting normally, if not counting the fact that your chair was Jaehyun's lap. You tried to sloppily kiss him again, but that was impossible with your shirt between your faces.

She was being lifted up so they could have a perfect view of your bra covered chest - which was left there for now.

Now the kiss was successfully conceived now that you was shirtless. Your legs spread between Jaehyun's thick thighs were in constant motion up and down his lap. Until everything stopped.

"You look beautiful with those jeans, I don't even want to take them off." Jaehyun bit his lower lip as he said those words.

"But I'm so looking forward to seeing the color of your panties, especially what they hide" Now he would throw you on the couch. Turning you over, putting your back on the pillow.

Kissing your breasts you can't help but encourage him. "Light pink, with a little bow." You whispered in the brunette's ear.

You can feel his smile in the valley of your boobs . That while he was still there, because seconds later his mouth was somewhere else.

With sloppy moans accompanying another confusing kiss you could feel Jaehyun's cold hands go down to the bottom of your pants, then down as well.

Your tight jeans - which enhanced your ass in an absurd way - were already somewhere else, because now all Jaehyun admired was you, your bra - which honestly he doesn't know why he hasn't taken it off yet - and your light pink panties, which at the moment was already in another tone due to the humidity of your pussy.

Reading the brunette's thoughts, you grabbed the boy's strong arms and helped him unclasp your bra. Now with your breasts flying in his sight, he shifted again. Repeating the position leaving you in his lap. You wiggled around in his black jeans - specifically in the tent next to his belly. - His hands resting on the back of the couch and your head leaning back releasing the most pornographic moans ever seen while Jaehyun sucked your breasts like a child.

Biting the nipple and sucking the round - relatively large - while groping the other, making a switch in a few minutes.

Your cunt was now throbbing and trying to behave by squeezing into nothingness. Jaehyun - you just meowed and that was all it took for him to notice. Your nails itched and pulled Jaehyun's shirt off, giving you the pleasure of scratching that chest.

Back played on the couch, you breathed hard rolling your eyes just feeling the wind in your hot pussy.

In a flash you saw Jaehyun tucking the pink fabric into his pocket, and then you saw his head ducking into its warmth.

The pleasure that Jaehyun's mouth would bring to your body is something unimaginable and surprisingly unique. No one would ever dare to do like him. The tongue you've kissed many times was kissing somewhere else, but it kept being sloppy making everything more fun.

Your head was empty, and you were meaningless - other than the warmth and affection received between your legs - so the noise you made was so loud, but you didn't even care. After all I just felt like moaning like a bitch when Jaehyun told you.

"Were you a porn star before taking on this role? You moan like one." Aggressive words were thrown at you, but that still didn't stop you from continuing like a whore.

You've been close since he started labor, but when his tongue starts teasing your soft spot, your clit, you freak out.

Tired of listening to you exposing to the world how good he was, his arm fumbled in the pockets until he found the pink fabric. Tucking the wet panties into your mouth, and swirling your tongue around the sensitive hole, you climaxed with teary eyes.

"Now shut up." He said lifting your pussy and taking the tissue from your throat. "I want my souvenir back."

He said and kissed you, spreading the taste of your pussy all over your mouth.

Jaehyun was so naughty and so precious at the same time. It's been months since you had any kind of relationship, and even with the rude words Jaehyun didn't hurt you.

You were almost freaking out because he made you feel so good without even doing the full job - untill now.

Innovating the position now only you were sitting on the couch. Your knees were propped up on your chest giving a magnificent view of your swollen pussy.

Jaehyun was quick to get out of his dark jeans and underwear, spitting onto his pre-cum wet dick, in a matter of seconds you could feel him getting into position.

"Open your legs please." - Surprisingly he begged, and you gave in so easily. Whimpering in response and the icy contact you obeyed by stretching your legs.

"If you feel pain let me know." - He said kissing her lip. Jaehyun is so readable now. His brows were furrowed and he was biting his lip so hard it looked like any second it would bleed. On the other hand, they felt like they were tearing you apart.

Jaehyun's thick cock invaded you completely, every firm breath you took, your insides tightened, and you both suffered from it. You swore you saw Jaehyun shake, and he swore he looked like he was going to explode.

You closed your eyes tightly when you got used to it. Head shaking when Jaehyun was free to move.

Now it was you who was trembling. Jaehyun reached you in full when standing still, now in motion you came in a few moves.

It fit so well, and you felt magnificent, and seconds later, the news was coming. Its liquid exploded on Jaehyun who had to hold back from doing the same in less than 3 minutes inside.

You were already getting used to it. Getting used to swinging full length when Jaehyun hammered you. Your head bobbing back and forth, your hands destroying his pecs - thanks to your beautiful nails - and your boobs bouncing. It was already perfect, you were going to arrive for the third time and possibly pass out thanks to your fog, until everything changed

Jaehyun in a matter of seconds he lifted your thigh and rested his knee on your shoulder, invading you even more. The tip of his cock destroyed the beginning of your womb, and your bleary eyes changed. The cloud has changed.

Your head was spinning and you were seeing stars, you squeezed when you felt your third one coming, and this time Jaehyun felt the same.

You broke out in a cold sweat when he came on you. He shot all his flavor inside you, he made you a pie. And then your squirt came hard.

Your waters dripped from your eyes and your pussy. You cried when he laughed and said you were extremely hot while you came.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk that much when I was inside you." He placed a kiss on your cheek and walked over to your dressing table to grab the wet wipes packet.

"I was very concentrated, I wanted to impress you" He laughed as he walked back to your side.

You who had already closed your legs in shame had red cheeks when he opened it again. It was impossible not to moan as he cleaned you up. Jaehyun looked like an angel between her legs.

"Thank you so much." He kissed your thigh.

-

You were already dressed - you were still without your panties - when he sat next to you on the couch.

"I'm sorry about the couch too, it must have been uncomfortable for you, such a small place." - He fed his addiction of kissing your cheek. "Go out with me tomorrow and we'll finish in my bed, it's much bigger."

He turned your face giving another kiss, but this time on your mouth.

"What time do you pick me up?" You replied laughing shyly.

You were definitely not embarrassed to be around him anymore. And you didn't even notice the change.

His plans always worked.

@jaemlonfz 2023

[tanglepelt]

Im... um.. the ambassador? 1

I did it. Its a fic now. Based off this idea I had.  A03 Next

Ellie misses her monthly check in with Danny. He finds her in the basement.

The first time Ellie destabilized Danny got panicky. Granted so was she. It was only thanks to the Red Huntress change in heart that she got out alive. A quick little jab of an experimental ecto-dejecto was all it took. She was off on yet another worldwide adventure. Unlike Danny, she didn’t want to go amongst the stars she wanted to sightsee. Find her own path in life. Freshly stabilized with some new equipment she was off. Her first stop was going to be Hong Kong. Now equipped with a phone and translation app Sam downloaded it. Danny wanted her to have at least one call a month to ensure she was safe.

Danny was just being overly protective.

Until he wasn’t. Week three hit and it starts all over again. Her powers being stripped, slowly turning into goop with prolonged use. She had barely explored Hong Kong. Ellie never got to figure out if the mysterious black bat even existed. She’d heard about it in some alley. The same one she was currently having her conundrum in. She wouldn’t make it to Danny on her own. Making the dreaded phone call she pretended not to notice the feeling of being watched.

The phone was a good call. Not that she’d ever admit that to Danny. Danny answered on the first ring and opened a portal the moment she explained. Showing up in full regal attire cursing as he walked through. Whoops. He had been in one of those council meetings.

Danny had just been pacing in the medical ward in the far frozen. A constant back and forth as frostbite began performing tests. Connecting her to tubes she was even in a clear tube at one point. It was as frostbite said a worst-case scenario. The reason Vlad had been so unsuccessful wasn’t due to a lack of DNA as he thought. Those of the infinite realm needed a core to maintain their powers. In Danny’s case, the Ice core is what allowed his powers to safely flow through him. Without it he would either fully die or just never have maintained a ghost form. The core is what allowed the balance between life and death.

She was not made with a core. Hence the destabilizing when using her powers. A core could not form over time without steady ectoplasma. They only grew. When Danny died in the portal accident it was the ectoplasma from the realm that created his core. Or the start of one. Frostbite was a tad bit confusing. Apparently, the core over time gets more mature as the ghost comes into their powers. She was made with DNA and ectoplasma. The powers the ectoplasma gave her would kill her. Vlad had the time for the ecto acne to create a core. Had his powers shown immediately after his college accident it was a one-way trip. No half-life included.

Frostbite found a way to temporarily as in maybe 24 hours max keep her staple as is. Meaning she could keep using her powers for the next 24 hours. His only solution was to attach her to one of his vats of pure ectoplasma. She’d be stuck in the far-frozen medical ward on an IV, with no powers nothing for at least a year. Frostbite says three would be his guess. Her having powers prior to the core was a setback.

Danny did something that seemed to surprise Frostbite. You could see the shock on his face. The way his eyes showed concern. Frostbite had looked at her and then at Danny.

Frostbite then pulled Danny out of the room. Ellie should have been concerned by that, but one of the yetis asked if she wanted to learn some fighting stances. That was much more fun than waiting in worry. If she was going to end up stuck for a couple of years, she was going to make these 24 hours the best she’s had. If it came to it, she’d stay in the medical ward. No more turning into goo for her.

When Danny came back, they had a solution. Ellie could receive a portion of Dany’s Core.

Those in the room seemed to be still at the admission. When she asked if it was safe for her the response was simply that there are cases where a parent ghost gave up a part to save their child when the core was injured or destroyed. As she was Danny’s clone it should be perfectly harmless for her. She would have no problems in the future.

After the procedure was done it wasn’t Danny who took her back to the human realm. Jazz had shown looking concerned telling her that Danny had kingly duties to attend to. Paperwork to handle the boring stuff. Jazz was happy to spend the next week coming to Sam’s to hang out with her. She wasn’t going to just leave before properly saying goodbye to Danny. Especially since Jazz was going to be heading off to Gotham U the following month. She had a full-ride scholarship. Jazz had refused any help from her parents.

Ellie had some new guidelines for the next year or two. Besides monthly in-person visits, a weekly call, and a minimum of a text a day she was back to exploring the world.

The first three home visits with Danny were some of the most exciting times she’s had. Danny’s rouges were super fun to help take down. Danny just told her she could go feral on them. It only took two home visits for them to flee from her.

His parents were a whole different breed. He’s warned her about the whole tear him apart molecule by molecule thing. But man, this was something else. The two even managed to get a hit on her.

On her next visit, only the box ghost was in town. Danny just let her deal with him. She made it last it would. Danny tended to keep their visit calm when he could. Go get food at the nasty burger, mini golf, and jazz-approved events. Jazz wanted them to have a healthy bond. Not one based on bashing in enemies.

It was that time of the month. Her visit day. She had stories to tell him. Ellie had met actual Heroes while she had been out and about. They tried to ask her a bunch of questions, but she honestly didn’t want to answer. Ellie would just turn invisible and stop breathing. If that didn’t help, she just traveled under the ground. Not in caves just underneath the ground. She had intangibility for a reason. Even figuring out how to maintain her temperature with the core. She could match the temperature of the air around her if it was cooler than 75 degrees. Danny’s ice core only allowed her to go lower than her standing body temp. She was super excited about the new use of his powers and one of the heroes was even an alien. Danny was going to flip out.

Ellie was so caught up in grabbing her phone to tell Danny she was here to notice the Fenton parents watching her fly in. Her quick look around revealed nothing. The flash of white happened, slowly transforming back into her human half.

Something hit her. It forced her to the ground. It was worse than when she was destabilizing. Her eyes began to shut. The last thing she saw was the blue and orange lab suits.

**

It had been three hours since Ellie and he was meant to meet up. Danny had a day planned at Sam’s house. It was her 7th visit. The gang was going to have a movie marathon. All four of them. Now Ellie isn’t the best at showing up on time. Normally she’s only an hour or so late and always gives a heads-up.

No, he is not overbearing despite Ellies claims. Its bad enough to let a twelve-year-old be on her own. She’s nearly turned to goo in front of him twice. He has every right to be concerned with her well-being. Especially since she now had a part of his core. While there were no physical effects it did put her at risk. Ellie could be a target to anyone who wanted to get one up on the Ghost King. If it was possible, he would keep her in Amity with them. There were two problems with that. Ellie herself and then his parents. Ellie would never want to be stuck in Amity, she’s a free spirit. A small town would never be enough for her.

Then there were his parents. It was bad enough they managed to shoot her once. Now they were hellbent on getting the ghost girl as well.  Overall, their whole ghost-hunting thing had spiraled. They were desperate to get their hand on a specimen. Danny’s been doing a lot of damage control.

The council was getting antsy. The whole situation was spiraling. The anti-ecto acts were in Congress now. All he can do is hope they don’t pass. Seeing how the GIW has been moving it seemed to be guaranteed. The group had no issues acting early. The last 3 months had been a disaster. Balancing being king, high school, his parent's babysitter, and stopping the GIW's attempts have not left time for much.

Today was not a day to worry about what his parents or the stupid ghost council wanted. He was going to get Ellie and start the movie night. Jazz was even willing to pop in via the web from her dorm room.

There were no responses to any of his messages. Now was a time to be concerned. It's almost hour four. Drastic times meant drastic measures. Did he have Tucker put a tracker in the phone they gave her? Yes. It was finally going to get used. He didn’t abuse the fact it was done. He did trust her.

He found the phone but not his little sister.

The phone was cracked.

On the ground.

Without her.

All he could do was hope this was some prank. It's not uncommon but, this would not be a good one. Ellie did lack a lot of social development. Vlad really didn’t program that in. Better to manipulate those who wouldn’t be able to tell and read him. That’s what this had to be right. Just some stupid prank to mess with him.

That’s it.

He’d go back to Sam’s, and she’d be there. Ready to laugh at him.

But she wasn’t.

The trio was on full alert now. Tucker was checking the tracker's history, pulling up cameras. The first place he was going to check was the GIW. They got a bug in their system a while back that makes rescues a breeze. Sam was taken a hands-on approach and would search Amity. Danny was going to go to Frostbite.

Danny promised he’d never take the infa-map again. Nothing was stopping him from asking. He’d beg if he had to. If they wanted him decked out in full regalia, he’d do it. Announce her as the princess that’s fine with him. Ellie won’t be pleased. She didn't even know.

The council wanted an announcement as it was such a big deal. A royal family was not common. There was only one other king who had one. Kingship was taken by the victor of a fight. The core of whoever took won then morphed. The ghost core slowly takes power from the previous king until the new core forms. Danny became king not as he was the sole combatant, but Pariah's Core after being resealed destabilized. It only latched on to him because he was the closest. It was a first.

He received all the Pariahs core at once. On top of his still-forming core. Danny giving up a piece of it before both melded could would lead to problems in the future.

Giving Ellie a part of the “kings” core, it made her part of the royal family. Becoming king meant taking power. Those after power in the afterlife didn’t typically have kids. She was the first official princess of the realm.

Danny refused to push any of the responsibilities on her. No official announcement had been made. If he had his way, there never would be. Once her core formed around his, Ellie would get to choose.

Danny didn’t notice his and Ellies phone next to Tucker as he left.

In record time he was outside Fentonworks. The ghost shield was on. Something wrong. He noticed the GAV was gone as well. Turning back human he headed in. Inside there wasn’t a note. Ever since Jazz was off at Gotham U his parents always left a note saying where they were. Booking it to the lab he got to the door. It was locked and the security system told him he was unauthorized to enter.

The shield was on. There was nothing to keep out. The lab was on lockdown.

They wouldn’t have.

Tucker had a built-in override to the lab. Activating it not only turned off the security system but the ghost shield as well.

Rushing to the lab he saw his worst fears come true.

There his little sister was. Strapped to a table, arms, and legs cuffed down. The cuffs glowing green had to be blocking her powers. Machines were connected to her. The beeps only taunted him.  The worst part was the fact she was fighting the restraints her mouth gagged.

Jack and Maddie had strapped and gagged a little human girl down.

His sister.

Tag list.. well some. It wont let me tag a few people. 

@imgonnaeatthatglitter @victoria-has-no-secret

@thewondersoflebanon @darkstarsapocalypse

@gin2212 @akikkobara

@apointlessbox 

@valiantsuitcaseskellington

There is three separate chapters (potentially 4). I’m finishing the last one now. If you want to be tagged again let me know. I will not auto retag people unless they ask.

[thedoover-if]

THE EX ROUTE IS GOING TO KILL ME, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US😭😭

IM SORRY😭 to be fair id never forgive cheating but in games i usually always let it slide so i really wanted to have a ro where it feels very vulnerable to not only move on but also allow oneself to fall in love AGAIN... i think itll be a very interesting dynamic to explore (and i love drama LOL love when authors rip my heart to shreds and then stomp on the pieces too)

fyi youll be able to be hesitant, fearful or whatever OR you can cheat with them, not caring for their current partner and be like rory from gilmore girls where she's like "dean was mine first" (iykyk!!!!)

added a little snippet of a potential scene ive got planned with MC on 'the ex' ro route. call it a little taster LOL (under the cut)

(fyi its from the pov of an MC who still involuntarily feels something for the ex)

“don’t do that,” you spit, gaze slowly travelling down your ex-spouse’s frame. they’re seated on the opposite side of the living room, on the same exact sofa they used to occupy – be it during game nights, movie nights, or simply weekends spent quietly enjoying each other’s company. it felt like the perfect fit. they were the unique key to your lock. the gentle notes on your sometimes out of pitch days… until the music abruptly came to a halt, never to be played again. and ever since that day, three years ago, your life has been muted – dulled even. “do what?” they tilt their face up, and for a moment you’re transferred back in time. but you snap yourself out of it just as quickly; you refuse to go down that path again. although you’re stood a few metres away, you’re able to make out a shapely outline – it's you – on the otherwise empty page of the sketchbook propped on their lap. “you’re drawing me – I don’t want you to draw me.” “why can’t I? you look beautiful.” the stupidly crooked smile creeping upon their features is like a stab to the heart, and those last three words shove the knife straight through your body. just like that, your lungs implode – you’re in too deep. a tsunami of emotions rips open every old wound you nurtured close so carefully over the past months. the hours spent in therapy, flushed down the drain by a sweet compliment. soured by the wrong person. “because that’s what you did when you were with them. when I see you doing this, it makes me think about every night you lied.” your throat grows tight, your vision blurs, and yet you continue, “every night you spent with [redacted] while I was right here… waiting.” for seemingly the first time, you notice sun rays peeking through your beige curtains. it’s almost like the sun has sensed the devastation ongoing in the pit of your stomach, and so with each passing second of your skin soaking up the warm orange beams, the grey clouds inside your head clear more and more. it takes one large breath to relax the tightness of your vocal cords, before you’re able to force a sound out. “you really hurt me [redacted]…” as soon as a look of regret takes over [redacted]’s otherwise painfully gorgeous face, a small flame of hope lights up in your body – one you didn’t grant permission. it’s soothing… and familiar, yet you starve that spark and let it die. “you drawing me like that – it hurts because you know I’ll like it… and that’s not fair, [redacted]” you whisper, before standing tall, a surge of determination coursing through your veins, “I’m not going to let you do this to me again.”

[villainessprefect]

Anonymous asked: hello!! may i request a fic with malleus x gn!reader pls? this is too specific since im having a bad day sooo my request is where reader is having a bad day since they found out their 'friends' talking sh*t behind their back and they didnt attend the whole class for the whole day and ignoring everyone esp malleus (bc reader want some alone time) so at night time, malleus found reader and just comfort them? thank you, have a good day! :)

hello! I hope this fic brings you some comfort!! don't let those types of friends get you down!

title: turn to me

summary: Your latest ‘friends’ turn out to be trash. Their words lead you down a terrible descent. At least someone is willing to reach out to you.

ship: Malleus x gn!reader

word count: 2,167

note: does this need a trigger warning for like. self-loathing?? idk

Read on AO3

You should have known from the start that it would end this way. In this hellish world, you would always be an outcast, the odd one out, the magicless one. No matter how hard you tried to fit in, no matter what you did, you were not part of this world.

But is it so wrong to hope? To think that maybe, just maybe, you could be a part of this world if only for a moment.

Perhaps you were just foolish. Naive. All you wanted was to belong somewhere. Taking a chance to break from your usual friend group had been your own undoing. You should have listened to their warnings and stayed with them. They know these people better than you do. After all, they're just like them, aren't they?

You didn't listen. You let that glimmer of hope lead you down the wrong path. All you wanted was a normal school life. With that, you could believe that you were normal.

"Aren't you tired of hanging around with that magicless Prefect yet? It's so damn boring. We can't do anything with them around!" One complained.

"Just a little longer, we can't lose our gopher just yet." Another says.

"Hey! Maybe we should start calling them our best friend. You think they'll like that?" He laughs. Loud. "I bet they'd think they're part of the group!"

"Man, not even they could be dumb enough to believe that. Although, you know what they say. No magic, no brains."

Vile gossip runs around your latest group of 'friends'. They continue to throw insults your way while unaware of your presence. At some point, you begin to tune out what they're saying. Their voices grow smaller and smaller as you make a run for it, but you can still hear their voices echoing loud and clear in your mind.

You run home, or at least to the place you're forced to call home. The door to Ramshackle is forcibly pushed open, left ajar as you head straight to your room. Your bag and books drop to the ground, supplies scattering on the floor. A part of you thinks to pick them up, another disagrees- what did it matter anyway? It's not like your friends would come over.

Finding comfort in your bed is hard. It's not the best, not the softest, it barely does its job, but its all you have. At least this old thing wouldn't betray you. Hopefully. You don't want to jinx it and have your bed turn into a futon.

You take in a shaky breath and struggle to let the darkness consume you. You're not even tired, but your body aches, your chest stinging with every heartbeat. The longer you stay awake, the more your thoughts haunt you. And the last thing you want to do is let those bastards win.

Your phone catches you off guard. In your haste to hide away from the world, you forgot to toss that aside along with your bag. All you do is dig the buzzing phone out of your pocket and turn it off, not even bothering to see who is blowing it up. Friends, new or old, you didn't want to speak to anyone. You couldn't.

With no more distractions, you lie in bed and succumb to your fate. Nasty thoughts poke at you, prodding at you and telling you how stupid you are. You wish you hadn't been so optimistic about branching out. You couldn't always rely on your usual group of friends, but at this point...it seemed like you had to.

It's impossible to reassure yourself that things are okay. They're not. You think how useless and stupid you are. And that...this is how things should have been from the start. People don't need you, you need them. You're unwanted and alone, and always will be for as long as you're in this world. And when you leave? It'll be like you were never here in the first place.

As the day draws on, you fall in and out of consciousness. You don't recall crying, but your pillow says otherwise. Your stomach craved food while feeling as if it couldn't hold down a single scrap. The only movement you willingly made was tossing back and forth for a more comfortable position.

Ramshackle is eerily quiet. The ghosts aren't hovering over you nor is Grim. The latter is probably with the others. It's fine. He's part of this world, you are not.

Something forces your body out of bed. You don't know what it is. Perhaps its an old habit that takes control of you. One that lets you meet with a dragon fae during the darker hours of the world. He doesn't always show up, and for once you pray he won't.

The cold air hits your body and you shiver. The night air that usually comforts you freezes you instead as you take a seat upon the steps of Ramshackle. The light of the moon reveals all to you. It's truly a beautiful night. One you wish you could enjoy.

A dark shadow looms over you. You don't bother lifting your gaze, merely staring down the legs that have blocked your view.

"Child of man," he starts. You don't move. "You were not at school today."

"Mhm."

"Are you feeling alright?" Malleus asks you. You can't bring yourself to speak. You don't want to have a conversation with him right now. Not with a tainted heart that's laced with the fear of betrayal. Surely he wouldn't be the same as that lot, would he?

No. Deep in your heart you know Malleus would never reach that low. He may be cheeky, but he's always been honest with you. If he wanted to end things with you, he would with the snap of his fingers. But you've always been special in his eyes. You're just...not in the mood to find that spark of hope again.

Your silence causes him to worry. The lack of acknowledgement does as well. Malleus looks forward to being beside you. Your conversations were always odd yet interesting. You never feared getting close to him, physically or otherwise. And your smile was worth waiting a whole century for. Having none of that tonight is a little upsetting. Not at you, but...for you? It's strange, difficult to put into words for him.

"Lilia once told me that silence can be hurtful and comforting, you just need to know when it's the right kind. You do not need to speak and if you wish for me to leave, simply...tell me." The last of his words comes out strained, forced. If his voice could break, you think it would have been heard then.

You take in a breath and decide his fate.

"You can stay."

You don't catch the way he lights up. How his eyes widen in surprise at your answer. His brief moment of joy doesn't last, but he finds it a blessing that you allow him to stay by your side.

Malleus takes a seat beside you. He sits closer to you compared to normal, but you don't mind. You didn't exactly pick the most spacious place to brood.

Having company after being alone all day is a little nice. His warmth helps keep some of those nasty thoughts away. Although you don't think that you really deserve this touch of kindness.

You still refuse to look at him and instead lift your gaze to the stars. You once heard that each star is a different world. With countless stars that fill the sky, that meant there were numerous worlds out there. And if a star went out, that meant the world was gone. It must have been a whimsical tale, yet now you wonder if it's true. Was your world a lost star? Is that why you're here now? Did the heavens think putting you here was better than meeting that fate?

You squeeze your body tightly.

"Malleus..." You breathe out his name, which catches him by surprise. It's unusual for you to not use the nickname you gave him. He makes no comment on it. Only watching and waiting for you to continue.

And when you face him, it hurts to see you.

Tears pricking at the corner of your eyes that are filled with nothing but pain. The sadness you bear is so heavy that he can see it. You look so lost and desperate. The friend he once knew is now broken.

"Do you ever think that...I'm worthless for not having magic?" You ask, pleading for an answer.

"No," he responds, quickly. There's a hint of anger in his eyes. He may not know who hurt you, but the question you posed gives him an idea as to how. "You are an extraordinary human in this world. If you wish to base worth off of magic, then one must do so knowing how to wield it. Even the strongest of mages can prove to be inferior to an amateur who only knows a single spell."

"But I don't know any," you respond. You hadn't meant to cut him off, but it was too late to stop now. "I'm not an amateur and I never will be. In this world, I'm not anything. Just a dumb human who thinks that there might be good in all the wrong places."

"You are not dumb." He responds and reaches out to take your hand in his. You're immediately met with his warmth. He doesn't use magic, but it feels like he cast a spell to soothe your body. "And anyone who says otherwise are the fools here. You have done plenty that others have not, without the use of magic. A hardworking and kind soul such as yourself is admirable. Your valor and resolve are truly commendable." He can't help but smirk. "Who else would dare to allow such weakness in front of me?"

You can't tell if his attempt at cheering you up is supposed to be good or not. It's fitting to come from him though. And it's just enough to make you crack a small smile.

"Only a fool would," you say with no pain in your voice. You can see the little annoyance in his eyes though, disliking at your self-loathing words. But, he allows a pass for the moment.

"Will you show your bravery by telling me what happened to you?"

You take in a breath and grip his hand. The pain from earlier is coming back, almost tenfold. It hurts the same as when you first heard those words spoken literally behind your back.

"Friends. Or I guess they're not friends anymore," you scoff. "I thought I could, you know, be a normal student with a group of friends and..." You shake your head, biting down on your lip.

"Spade and Trappola harmed you?"

"No! No! Not them!" You respond quickly. "Other, no-name, unimportant assholes," you huff out. At least that felt a little good to say, even if the insults were rather weak. "I thought I could befriend a few more people, so just in case...I won't have to be alone. But...that didn't work out."

A loud clap of thunder causes you to jump. Your hold on Malleus tightens as you instinctively huddle closer to him. You hadn't noticed the clear skies being overtaken by dark clouds, causing the night to grow darker. And after catching a flash of lightning, you feared that a storm might be coming.

"Those...not friends of yours," he spits out, as politely as he can. You can feel the anger seeping from his voice as he does his best to remain pleasant before you. "They are unwise for taking your company for granted. Your presence itself is a treasure they do not know the true value of. They are blinded by their own ignorance. If there is no one else that you can turn to, then you can always turn to me. I would never take your company for granted."

You feel a pang of guilt for your earlier thoughts. To even question that Malleus would do you harm- you'd really been a fool.

"Thanks," you whisper and let your head bump onto his shoulder. "I'm sorry for...not being in the best mood tonight. At least I know I can always count on you, Hornton," you chuckle.

Hearing that nickname brings a smile to his face. While the clouds still hover overhead, the sound of thunder and visions of lightning are no more. You release a breath that you'd been holding in and finally begin to relax.

While you know you've been keeping Malleus this whole time, you can't bear to let him go. Not yet. He shined a light upon you that you needed. And maybe, it wouldn't hurt to be a little self-indulgent.

"Can you stay a little bit longer?"

"Of course."

And just like that, the night sky is clear once more.

[dylansslutt]

Business/ Joel miller

age gap/ the reader is 28 while joel is in his 50s

summary: you were mean to be alone but so was he? staying away leads to wanting more

warnings: smut, violence, cursing

-

you found jackson, after a long time out in the open infested land of the dead. you weren't old but you weren't young, being only 28. 8 when the infection began.

your mother was a nurse and taught you every life skill she knew. you became good friends with maria, and eventually tommy. you went on runs, helped plan and on talk on things about jackson.

your nursing skills ended you a nicer room, more so a small house. thankful for it but you sure deserved it patching up folks.

yet when time comes around about tommys older brother joel showing up with a young girl named ellie well things changed. you stayed to yourself, never actually talking to him.

"y/n, come over here i want you to meet someone."

your eyes shift over to marlene and the infamous joel miller. swallowing down your sudden nervousness, you make way over towards them. knowing this would happen eventually.

"this is y/n, i was telling you about. great nurse as well as she's helped a lot of people. oh y/n great, this is joel tommy's brother." she rambles as you make eye contact with the man.

he looks you up and down before offering a nod, "joel."

you give a small nod back, "y/n. uh what's up, i was about to ride out soon?"

she sighs, "i need you to take joel, show him our spots." you wanted to protest, ask her to ask anyone else. yet you give him a tight lip smile.

"hope you know how to ride." he scoffs almost, a small smile appears on his face. something you figure rarely happens.

"honey i was riding horses before you were born, let's go." he walks past you making you give her a look. who only stifles a laugh motioning for you to go forward.

biting your lip, you turn and jog a few steps forward. gaining sync you finally let your eyes wander him discreetly.

"the stables right up here." the path was short, and the sigh made a smile spread across your face. joel took a second to give you a good look, noticing how unreadable you were.

pretty none the less. yet you were younger, and he was here for ellie and tommy only.

"this is apollo, that's hades over there. honestly fits ya' if im being honest." the names sounded familiar.

"ya' know greek mythology?" he questions walking up to the darker colored horse.

you pets apollo, "i'm the one who gave them their names. i might be young but i still had something... before all this shit."

clearing your throat, you walks the horse out. "let's get going."

he nods and follows.

the two of you left the first sight, which wasn't much. you did get a better chance to watch him, analyze him a bit better. he was a bit hard to read but one thing certain.

for him being older he still was good looking.

the second place was a old hunting spot.

"here we gotta leave the horses." you come to a stop, joel watching as you swing yourself off effortlessly.

he just nods, "it's a old hunting spot, there's a couple round here. we should have everything in lines, but sometimes some' comes straying."

leading the way, you glance back at him. his eyes flicker around cautiously making you turn forward. he definitely was a bit different than his brother.

"how long you been at jackson?"

the question threw you off guard, not expecting him to even spark a conversation. "maybe a year, maria and i came across each other."

you slow down as you both walk side by side, you finally pointing towards the area.

"so up on those trees, we got hunting spots. then there is a small little shed over a little farther. i'll show ya' cause i need to take check on stocks."

"so is ellie your daughter? tommy mentioned he had a niece before." you glance over at him, trying the small talk he once said before.

"no, ellie is not my daughter. my daughter is dead." and with that you went silent, feeling so stupid for asking.

as you approach the shed, you put in the code for the lock. swinging it open, the light from the window made things more visible.

as he peers around, "ya' must be trusted to have the knowings of all these things."

you shrug, "i like to know what i am getting myself into... living here and all."

he notices how close off you are, and how double meaning your words were.

"i'm sorry, about my question. should've never said anything." he shakes his head, allowing you to feel some sort of relief.

"who'd you lose?" the question caught you off guard, hand hovering over the packs of matches. counting five. swallowing down every flashback that comes to mind.

"everyone." he has an indifferent look on his face at your answer. "who was the first person ya' had to kill?" your jaw drops.

"jesus christ, are you serious?" scoffing at his words he shrugs, looking through some stuff. "all alone, end up here alone. you seem to handle yourself, it's obvious some' happen."

"oh like it hasn't with you or anyone else? no one gives a shit. no one cares if you had to kill your sister or see your parents die or quiet literally mostly anyone you meet." you snap at him before opening a nearby drawer seeing the contents.

silence pass making you sigh.

"how old are you?" your head snaps towards him, closing one of the drawers. wondering why he is so curious all of a sudden.

"turning 29 soon, you?"

"56." he grumbles out and you stare at him shock.

"bullshit." he looks over at you confused.

"there is no way you are in your 50's." he looked good, too good it was no way. a small smirk lifts on his mouth, "yes hun, i am."

you just nod, "okay we're good here, still can't believe it though. i swore maybe 40 something." you head towards the door shaking your head. glad the subject took a change.

he rubs the back of his neck, noticing you a bit more. taking you in more, mind litters of you.

the walk back to the horses was quiet, you glance over at him. stealing a few glances. he was different, someone you didn't see all the time.

"there is one more place, but if all honesty. we wouldn't get back till about sun down, i can just show ya' another time."

he shrugs, "we are here for a little longer. i don't mind." you laugh, "you don't but if we get back in the middle of the night, we are going to bed hungry."

giving him a look. "i don't like to go to bed hungry, mister."

he smirks softly, shoving his gun in his back pocket. "guess, we better get going then. before little ole' princess starves over here."

the mock makes your mouth drop open, since he was close enough you space you smack his arm. "whatever old man."

as you go to walk off, he stops you by holding his hand up. the sound of rustling makes you still. everything seems fine for a moment, until one of the chain of bottle cans rang out.

"we made those to hear them. we gotta go!" you harshly whisper out, grab the reins of your horse. him following suit, as you jump up and gain full balance before you kick apollo to go.

flying off forward, glancing over your shoulder at joel. he was right behind you, before you glance in front of you. the trail was heavily made, and with the pace you were going you didn't pay attention.

"y/n wait!" you try to slow down, confused on why. unlike you joel noticed the movement alongside the woods. in such quickness someone comes running out from the side of the woods.

a gunshot rang from him, making you shriek as your horse bucks. trying to hold on desperately, only failing as apollo jerks you off.

your body slings off hitting the ground roughly, rolling down the side hill. a gun shot rang out again followed by another. slowing into a stop, your body aches.

heaving out as you look around, seeing your gun and knife still intact to you. letting out a deep groan, you push yourself up into a sitting position.

the sound of footsteps behind you, make your hand fly to your gun. "y/n?" joels voice is heard from behind , turning your head softly to see him. he rushes down the hill, dropping to his knees beside you.

"i'm fine." you try and shrug him off. not the first time you fell but his eyes land on your leg. a scowl almost replaces his once almost worried gaze.

"ya' ain't fine, been fuckin' shot." he mumbles before gripping a piece of your long sleeve fabric. ripping it off into a shredded piece as your eyes follow his line of focus.

you didn't even notice your leg was bleeding open. you got shot. you got fucking shot. hissing as he wraps it, your hand flies out to his arm. "this is gonna fuckin' hurt, so please do it fast."

your eyes are staring deeply into his, the pain starting to become slightly noticeable. he pulls the fabric tight before tying it, making you cover your mouth with your hand.

a tear or two slips down your cheeks, exhaling softly as he drops his hands from your leg. "who the fuck where they? did they trail us? a-are there more?"

the questions slip out so fast, nervous and anxious. joel shakes his head. "there were two, i killed them okay?" your lips tremble, "i was so stupid i th-thought they were infected."

"shh. if there's more, i don't know. which is why we need to get going? apollo shouldn't be to far, so hop on hades." joel reassures you, he wasn't mad because this genuinely wasn't your fault. you were smart, he notice that quickly. this was something you would never see coming.

you smile softly as joel uses their names, "you use their names. not everyone uses their names." biting your lip to mask the pain.

he gives you a soft look. "we'll they should." the moment was sweet, but you move forward. grabbing onto his hand which was held out for you. pulling yourself up, you almost fall back down.

joel's free hand slips around your waist, pulling you into his chest. a soft curse slips your lips. it hurt, it really did. you had your fair share of wounds, but never have been shot before. usually you do the fixing up.

biting your lip glancing down at your blood soaked leg pant's. joel moves his one hand around your arm instead of hand, eyes now on him.

"can you walk?" you don't know but not wanting to appear weak in front of this intimidating man, you step forward. the pain shot up into your hips, you wanted to scream.

looking back at him, nodding the lie knowing your voice would betray you. he stares at you before stepping forward, "good let's go."

as you go to take another step your leg gives out, hitting the floor almost. his hand jerks you up and into his arms bridal style.

"stubborn as a bull. don't lie, y/n." the tone of his voice left you quiet, so dad like. your head rolls to the side, kind of dizzy. you see hades come into view.

he helps you up first, sitting behind you. one hand on the ropes, the other wraps around your stomach. holding you close to his chest, hand covering your whole stomach almost.

the pain from the horses gallop hurt, each movement in your leg burned.but you were determine to ride your horse back.

"i swear i'll be fine. it's not far, just stay behind me." he had helped you up on the horse after much protest. hesitant for some reason yet you weren't someone he had to care about. so he let you.

not like he could with your arguing.

-

the ride didn't take that long, but when you hit the stables. your body tips sideways and you hit the ground.

"y/n?"

feeling your cheeks being tapped, you force your eyes open. coughing out slightly as you try to push him away. "i'll be okay." you repeat as joel, gets up to tie your horse up along with his quickly.

trying to push yourself up, he watches you fail miserably. coming back over, he wraps your arm around his neck. motioning you to lean onto him for support.

"hey, hey. where we goin'? where am i taking you?"

your voice was hoarse. "my house." he stares confused not knowing which one, but then it dawns on him.

the one day he saw you, on the small corner home. outside watering a plant, alone but happy. that house. how the fuck he remembers no idea but he helps you towards it.

you were coherent enough to help jog his memory, motion little turns to take. it was a block or two away from the horses, you were starting to go in and out from the blood loss.

he ends up picking you up bridal style halfway, your door unlocked already as joel slams the door open, eyeing your layout. he sets you down on the couch.

you wake up fully at the sound of stuff slamming, "where is it?" he mumbles to himself. out of it you think of medical stuff.

"joel?"

he comes around the wall, "the stuff is under the sink. get a rag from that closet door."

he is off to grab those things, and you push yourself up. ripping the hole open more to your pants, you shakily lift your leg for a second. whimpering you feel the back of your leg for an exit wound.

running over one, a sigh of relief escapes you even through the pain. the adrenaline was worn off but you knew you had to get the wound patched.

"Here."

the items were sat down, "ther-there is an exit wound. i need you to clean and stitch me, if i-i do it. i'll fuckin' pass out."

you snatch the bottle, joel managed to find. blood smearing around it as you bring it to your lips. taking a few good deep chugs, one more even before handing it over to him.

he watches you, how strong you were. he seen grown men be more of a pussy than you. you rode a fucking horse home, for christ sake.

pouring the liquid onto your thigh, you clasp onto the cushion. the pain makes a small screech escape your lips. "fuck!"

he puts a rag down, handing you the bottle. you take it with shaky hands, downing a gulp. leaning back feeling hot, "if i pass out. do not judge."

he shrugs, wiping the area making you wince. he cleans the needle as he gets ready to sow you up. "no need too, you were shot."

"i thought you were gonna be a real dick, joel. you are surprisingly nice." you mutter through gritted teeth as he takes the bottle once more over your thigh, liquid burning the wound.

he laughs, "ya' just don't know me, darling."

he hands over a clean rag, "bite this so you don't tell the town." weakly grabbing onto it, hands touching. blood smears onto each other, no telling if it was from yours or his.

he watches how drain and pale you looked. hesitantly he lines up the needle, before pushing it through. you shove the rag in your mouth, barely drowning out your screams.

joels hand grips your leg down tightly, against your legs involuntary movement. seconds later your body drops onto the couch. he watches as you pass out, finishing the work with a deep look on his face.

-

your eyes flutter open, the soft light from your kitchen makes your eyes squint. the actions from earlier come to you, when the soreness spreads through you, along with the deep pain in your leg.

sitting up slightly, getting a look at your leg. joel stitched it up pretty good. your eyes jerk up to someone coming out the kitchen.

"hey, you're up." you nod softly. "how long was i out?" he sits down a glass of water, which you instantly take.

"all night. i went through your medicine bag, pulled you out some pain pills." he hands you one over before you finished your water.

"thanks." you take it as your wince forgetting about movement. "jesus, my body. it's like i was hit by a bus."

joel sits down across from you. "no, just thrown off a horse." you give him a pointed look, he eases back a smirk.

"did you sleep at all?" he shakes his head and you roll your eyes. "go. go home. i'll be fine, i can take care of myself."

he gives me a look, "i know that. just wanted to make sure you were okay." you smile softly, before a thought popped in your head.

"can you get me a wet towel? i need some of this blood off, and some new clothes. it'll save me from walking." your voice showed tiredness. you tell him where everything was, which wasn't hard to find. you wouldn't believe you been living here longer than two weeks.

he turns around to let you get undressed but trying to take your shirt off was miserable. "joel?"

he looks over his shoulder, eyebrows fusing together confuse on why you haven't changed. "c-can you help, it's really hard?"

he notices the innocence, and steps forward. his rough fingertips help pull the shirt over your head. your black bra pushing up your exposed breast. darting his eyes away, you grab the new shirt.

tugging it over your head, he helps with the sleeves. "thank you." he stares in your eyes, not knowing why he was helping. yet when your eyes still train on his and slightly lower to his lips.

he moves forward pushing his lips onto yours. so gentle which surprises you as he comes off nothing but that. instead he cups your face softly, deepening the kiss as you gasp into his mouth.

pulling away softly, you blush under his stare. "help me with my pants?"

he slowly tugs your pants down, careful of your bad leg. it wasn't so sexual, it was just innocence something so rare. he had grabbed some shorts, thankful for that. pulling them up you smile up at him.

"that was a workout." you grasp the wet rag that he had set aside, wiping at the dried blood knowing you weren't about to try and bathe right now.

he shakes his head. "i should go check on ellie. i'll swing by later?"

you nod, almost finishing your arms and face. feeling so tired you were gonna pass out. he left and you were left with sleep not even able to process the moment just before you.

-

days passed and you haven't seen joel. you'd be lying if you said you didn't care but you weren't bound to show it. your leg was still sore but you were tired of doing nothing.

stepping out the house slowly, leg aching but happy you took a pain killer. taking it slow, you headed down to the small little building used for your help with the jackson citizens.

opening it up and walking around, you smile at lina.

"hey."

"i heard! are you okay?" she rushes around, you nod your head. "yes, tired of being at home."

she shakes her head, "i'll put a chair in the room for you."

you smile gratefully towards her. she is a smart girl about 17 you think? been teaching her everything you know, quick learner at that.

she came by told you about her being here while you were out. helping two patients. "can you put oil on this and rewrap it?"

she nods and goes to grab the items, happy she was figuring out the natural remedies you can use for things as medicine. she comes back and helps with your leg, doing a much better job than you.

"thanks, lina. seriously." you thank the girl and she merely shrugs. the door swings open and joel comes walking in. your sit up in confusion before he points at you.

"can we talk?" you knew it wasn't a question, you look over at lina. who takes the hint and scurries off to the back.

"what's up?"

"it's been three days, why am i told you are at work?" you look up at him confused.

"you don't know me, you haven't even came to check on me? i am sorry why are you angry right now?"

he shakes his head, "me and ellie aren't leaving. do you understand that, i'm here to stay. if you keep gettin' fuckin' hurt imma' kill you myself."

you push yourself up, leaning against the desk. "oh now he has a big boy voice. i'm glad you are here for good joel, but i can't sit inside forever. now i am at 'work' so can we do this another time?"

he stares at you before he shoves himself over the desk, capturing your lips in a ravaging kiss. "damn woman. i don't know what is is, but fuck i like ya' darlin'."

you push him away slightly, "you joel miller are entirely too soft."

his eyes soften for a moment, the thought of a lot of things come to him. knowing you met ellie a few times, who found out about you two.

you were maternal, something he craved that he never had in his life. innocent and sweet but also a strong independent women. this scared him. this scared you.

he left shortly after and a hour or so passed and someone comes walking in the door with flowers. you look up but scowl at the sight of shaun in front of you.

your ex boyfriend, kind of as you two had a thing until you found him hooking up with a girl in a spot you showed him.

the flowers set down in front of you, make your eyes flicker to lina. she looks away looking as if she wants to laugh. "i heard about the run, i'm sorry about that. how about dinner baby?"

"baby?" you glare up at him. "don't bother with that shaun, it's over. we are done so just take your flowers and go, leave me the hell alone."

he scoffs, "still a bitch huh? things don't change, and i was trying to be nice."

your eyes widen, "leave!" you point to the door. he rolls his eyes, "i was just leaving."

flustered you glance over at lina, sighing miserably. "first joel and now him? i need a fuckin' break."

-

a knock on your door, makes you sigh. standing up and hobbling over, "who is it?"

"uh, joel?"

"come in!" you yell not wanting to walk farther, he walks in and glances you up and down. "hey." you smile softly, feeling the energy.

you been thinking of a lot you wanted to say. he walks forward, hand on your waist guiding you to sit back down.

"we need to talk." he nods in agreement.

"well i- i just have a lot of this baggage and history. this stuff is new and god i've been craving something like this-like you." the confession was raw as your eyes reach his, who watches you in a indescribable way.

"i just am scared, scared you'll leave."

he shakes his head, "if ya' knew all the fucked up shit i've done. i don't think you'll look at me the same."

you grasp his hand, squeezing it tightly. "i doubt that."

sitting closer together a small confession leaves you, "i know, i know i am a little younger but... i- i've had my losses. i've had my kills."

tears fill your eyes, threatening to spill. not wanting to look at joel, "i-i had to do fucked up shit to survive joel, and i did stuff to cope. i'm not pro-"

"hey, it don't gotta be all told now. we have time, darlin'." his embrace was nice as he pulls you in. kissing your forehead slightly.

pushing away he stops you, eyes staring up at him doe like. his thumbs wipe the fallen tears. "you're safe with me."

he wanted you safe and protected like ellie. he just knew with you, you could handle it just maybe.

your door swinging open, makes you jump. joel looks at you confused and you shrug. "i-i"

"y/n!" shaun voice calls out, your heart dropping.

"oh no."

he walks around the corner, stopping when he lands on you two. "what the fuck is this?"

he chuckles and your eyes flicker to joel who went very still and very quiet. "so this- this old fuck is the guy you are whoring around with behind my back?"

standing up ignoring the pain, glaring at the monster. "you cheated on me you crazy fuck! you quite literally just broke into my home!" joel was standing up, almost like he was calculating his next move,

glass breaking makes you jump as you see he knocks a few items you only had up onto the ground. joel snaps and launches forward. you saw what he didn't want you to see.

he beat shaun to a pulp, shoving him outside the home. words were shared as you are stuck in the same spot.

the blood stains your wooden floors and the sound of the door slamming makes your eyes snap up. joel is infront of you, chest rapidly moving up and down.

"i- i am so sorry, he-" you try with anything but joel shakes his head.

"y/n, y/n! are you okay?" he snaps you out of it and you nod. "yeah, yeah i'm fine." your hands run through your hair. glancing down at his hand.

"oh my god, your knuckles." he stops your movements, just grasping onto you softly.

your eyes land on his gaze. "i went on like a few dates with him, and he hooked up with some other chick. i-i didn't know he was crazy."

"won't be a issue anymore."

you gulp, "i appreciate the help. thi-this last week but i am someone you don't wanna get close with."

joel's expression drops, not expecting for you have such a recoil. he wasn't even expecting himself to start to like you. yet here you two were.

he shakes his head, "honey. this-" he motions around you two, the broken glass beneath you. "this ain't shit. if you heard half the stuff i've done, i'm not sure ya' would be standing here right now."

you give him confuse look but he steps closer.

"i ain't afraid of what's inside this pretty little head of yours." he sees the fear in your eyes, the words make them flutter shut. when they reopen he is right in front of you.

hand reaching up to cup your cheek, thumb smoothing across your skin. slowly his lips lower, you both tasting each other. his grip tightens on you as yours wrap around the base of his neck.

he lifts you up, tossing you gently on the couch.

your shirt was lifted up and his beard tickles your skin. kisses trail around your ribs, underneath your bra. his one hand grips the side of your thigh, tightening it as he pulls you closer.

lips back on his, before slipping down your neck. a heavy sigh escapes your lips as he places himself between you.

"fuck ya' gorgeous." he stares down at you making you giggle. your hands tug him down to your lips again as his hand runs over you.

gasping in his mouth, his free hand grasp around your neck. other hand slowly teasing you.

eyes opening him staring down at you, watching your reaction. "please." you beg.

he slips his hands around your pants, tugging them down. "is this what you want baby."

his thumb presses right on your clit, applying some pressure. your hands fumble behind you, unclasping your bra. you lean up tossing your shirt and bra onto the floor somewhere.

joel lifts your hips up slightly, making you squeal. pulling your panties down and off from around your ankles, you swear you saw his eyes roll back for a moment.

his bruised hand was up around your throat again, soft but holding you in place. his good hand lets his thumb rub your clit slightly.

"fuck joel." you whine at his teasing. "you wanna feel good?" he leans down sucking one of your free nipples. gasping at the feeling, moaning into your hands.

"don't hide, tell me what ya' want darlin'."

looking up at him, sheepishly as he takes you in more.

"please touch me."

it rolls of your tongue and his beard stubbles against your thighs as he devours himself into you. your hands in his hair, eyes widening as one of his thick plump fingers enters themselves into you.

"fuck, joel." his hand grips your thigh, moving it on top of your thigh. in a sniper position he lays pleasuring you. mind swirling as tommy's brother eats you out.

"taste so good, baby." another finger enters you making your leg move slightly, him pinning it down almost. "stay still."

you whine out, hands coming up to your breast trying to grasp something. it was becoming too much, the pit in your stomach kept building.

"fuck like that." your words come out as a whisper, eyes rolling back as joel looks up at you through hooded eyes. his print sticking against his jeans.

he loved watching how off you were getting. his tongue moves in such a way on your clit you try pushing at his head, "oh my-"

his hands grasp yours easily, stopping you as his fingers curl up into you in such pace. "oh fuck." your mouth was parted unable to contain the moan littering your lips.

joels face and beard were soaking with your liquids, he didn't stop there. you didn't even notice he was stroking himself freely now, lifting up off the bed some.

he lifts up from you, letting you breathe from the torturing pleasure. his lips land on yours, tasting yourself on him. without warning he slowly slides himself into you, your mouth opens as he shoves his tongue into it.

the moan you both share as he bottoms out, nails digging into his bicep as he lifts your legs up around his waist.

"so tight, darlin'." he leans back, moving slowly watching as you try moving against him. "not so fast, darlin'."

he pushes down your stomach, going deeper. this 'old man' sure knew what the fuck he was doing. he hits deeper, making your back arch slightly. his thumb brushing over your clit.

he keeps the pace the same as he rubs your clit slowly with his thumb. holding one leg in place, giving it a soft kiss.

"joel please." you whine looking at him through your lashes, his grip tightens and his hand slips away up around your neck. his hips quicken, slamming into you.

one hand holds onto his arm around your neck, the other grips the pillow under you. he kept hitting the right spot making you stutter out a whimper, him telling you how good you were taking him.

trying to look up at him through his pounding, he grips tighter around your throat. "fuck darlin'."

"filling me up, daddy." it just came out, you weren't thinking. yet for some reason joel just leans down kissing you. brushing against your clit from the decrease in space.

"imma' cum." you whimper against him, his movements never faltering. "cum darlin'."

"fu-fuck, fuck.-" your head falls back into the pillow helplessly as he keeps going, riding your second orgasm out. he had a goal of wanting three out of you.

he tightens both hands around your waist, eyes focus on your face. trailing down watching how your tits bounced with each thrust. moaning he feels your legs shake and your head was shaking.

"jo-oh my-" you were so close to another one. the tension was too much and suddenly your dripping around him. the wet squelching sound leads into him pulling out, cumming into his hand.

a few drops drip onto your stomach, letting your leg slide down slowly. as he pulls out delicately, knowing your probably sensitive.

he notices a towel over a door, grabbing it wiping himself and yourself clean. he kisses your lips once more, tightening a hold onto you.

"did the 'old man' give ya' a good fuck." a laugh escapes your tired expression. you thought of that statement before.

"made me fuckin' squirt so i would go with yes..."

[blood-choke]

Hello! I just wanted to say that I really appreciate this game and how it portrays butchness. I'm a huge fan of lesbian lit and there are so few butches in media that to see a game have not one, but three, makes me feel a certain kind of way.

Aside from that, I was really drawn to how you portrayed the differing relationships between all the characters. Everything feels so visceral and real, it just feels so crunchy that I find myself wanting for more. I really look forward to seeing how it will turn out for everyone involved.

Additionally, (if this is too spoilery, has been answered, or insensitive pls feel free to ignore) is it ok if I ask how you decide the dialogue and event flow of the choices? I was mildly and pleasantly surprised that flirting with Clear and staying with her in ch 3 would lead to "that" scene, and I'm curious on your writing process on how it lead to that.

Ultimately, I just really want to thank you for sharing your game with us. Im just really glad to be able to experience this game and I hope that you stay safe!

thank you!

overall when it comes to structuring dialogue & choices i tend to write a linear path first & then double back to add more branches.

i had a basic outline of the chapter & knew what i wanted to touch on with each route & what scenes needed to happen, and then i just kinda started writing from there. Clear's was actually the one i wrote first, her sex scene was what i wrote first, and then i went back and built a lot of the route around it.

i wrote Clear's and Hana's routes simultaneously since they were so intertwined, but i ended up rewriting Hana's three times, whereas with Clear i just had to edit it a bit. i knew i wanted them to have that conversation at the table about Clear not having any friends, and then i wrote the scene where mc finds the vampire erotica book. it took some trial and error until i was happy with the dialogue & choices at the table, as well as how i wanted to split the following variations. i tend to do the romantic variations first, and then work my way down, and sometimes i have to go backwards and edit as i write because i'll add something on a whim to one variation and decide that actually i want this to be in all of them.

i am definitely someone that's a bit of a "planster" meaning i do minimal planning and write a lot by the seat of my pants. sometimes it works, other times it puts me in a bit of a bind. like i said i tend to set out with specific information/dialogue/scene/etc in mind that i know has to happen, and build up around it.

with Hana the main focus in her route was that conversation with mc; i wanted mc to get overwhelmed at the store, and for her and Hana to talk about it afterwards, and for Hana to be frustrated at her situation as this person who suddenly has to comfort and take care of mc after being replaced by her. again, minimal planning, i wrote almost her whole route before i started working on Valentina's & i mentioned Standard and his proclivities towards Chinese antiques. this made me realize i needed to rewrite a lot of Hana's dialogue to be more inclusive of her race. i went back to Clear's route, and ended up writing a lot of the conversation with Hana there after she gets back from the store, and then i adapted it to the other routes.

Valentina's route was all about the painting. again, i wrote that initial scene of walking into her room, the description of the painting, and then her first sex scene, and built up from there. there was also the brief meeting with Joan, which was mostly just for fun and to introduce those characters early for anyone that went on V's route, so the next chapter those players will have a little jump on who they are. but the main point was that painting & i think it's pretty obvious with how the whole route plays out, and the fact that the painting is always seen by all players.

this is still a game, so it is gamified quite a bit, with all 3 characters having a potential sex scene in the same chapter at the same time. i planned it that way to make it easy for myself and because that's just how i wanted it to go. i put some stat checks in place to add variations, like if you went with Hana or Valentina in ch2, if you flirted with Clear or not, and again, it was a lot of jumping around and trial and error. i wrote a significant part of Valentina's route out of order, and i finished hers last before i finalized the council meeting (which i had written very early on but like Hana's route i had to rewrite a few times)

i like to describe my process as building a tree. i write the core of it all first, one linear path, the trunk, and then i double back and add in all of the possible branches. it doesn't mean anything that i wrote the friendly, romantic variation of Clear's route first, it just allowed me to use that single variation as an anchor and build up around it without straying too far and losing the plot, hahahaha. i still sometimes stray a little too far... but it's fun that way. it was fun trying to figure out a way to make the rival route different, how to change it while still telegraphing the same overall ideas about Clear & her situation. it's also very frustrating, but it's all part of the process....

[ikeromantic]

Love ikesen and and ikevamp so write whichever one you feel like. Also im not picky on the format

Ikesen faves: nobunga, hideyoshi, masasume, mitsuhide

Ikevamp faves: arthur, jean, nobunga, comte

Suitors if mc used a wheelchair

I chose Ikesen for this one ^_^ I have never been in a wheelchair - so I did some reading on what it's like to use one before sitting down to write these. I hope I did alright. Everything here is written in love, so any misconceptions were not intentional or malicious. I'll apologize now for any mistakes I made conveying MC as a wheelchair user - and am happy to get feedback from anyone with personal experience. On to the piece! Approx 2700 words.

Nobunaga

Nobunaga watched his new chatelaine from the tenshu balcony. She was using her rolling-chair to help the maids move supplies from the summer sewing room to the winter chamber, where it was warmer. He could see the strength in her as she maneuvered past obstacles, her grace, and her determination each time there was something unexpected in her path. 

He made his way downstairs, wanting to be closer to her. 

She looked up from her work and frowned at him. “What do you want?”

“Your tongue is as sharp as ever, fireball.” He laughed. “I came to inform you that you will be joining me for dinner.” The invitation came on a whim, but the thought of sharing a meal with her made him smile. 

“Oh.” Her expression lightened. “Good. I thought maybe Hideyoshi sent you.”

“Why would he do that?” Nobunaga raised an eyebrow. 

She looked away, her expression unreadable. “No reason, I suppose. Just . . . if he does say anything, ignore it. I am doing just fine.” 

The situation came clear with those words. She was proud, and Hideyoshi’s mothering injured that pride. He touched her cheek lightly, willing her to turn toward him again.

“I expect no less. My good luck charm has proven herself formidable more than once.” Nobunaga caught a lock of her hair in his fingers, and he gently tucked it behind her ear. 

The chatelaine glanced back up at him, eyes widened with surprise.

He grinned. “You are strong, fireball. And you are beautiful too.” Nobunaga leaned close, his lips almost touching her cheek. “I won’t make the mistake of underestimating you.” He could feel a constriction around his heart at the nearness of her. 

Her face heated and she pulled away, executing a graceful retreat. “You underestimate my personal space. All the time.” She was trying to look angry, but Nobunaga could see the hint of a smile at the corners of her lips.

“I’ll see you at dinner. You can tell me more about this . . . personal space . . . I am conquering.” He turned and left before the odd tightness in his chest grew worse. 

Hideyoshi

Hideyoshi took the chatelaine shopping. He wanted to show her all the best things in Azuchi. They stopped at a fabric shop, one that carried custom dyed cloth and a variety of hand-embroidered fabrics, but she didn’t want to go in. 

“I don’t feel like looking at fabric,” she said, but he saw the way her eyes lingered on the cloth visible through the open door. 

They stopped at several outdoor stalls and looked at hair combs and jewelry spread out to glitter across tables and blankets on the ground. The chatelaine smiled and laughed and took real joy in picking out gifts for her fellow seamstresses and for the warlords at the castle. But when he tried to take the chatelaine into another shop that carried fine jade items, again she didn’t feel like it. Yet he could see her gaze linger on the displays in the open window. 

It was at the third shop that he figured it out. Every shop had a step up to go inside, sometimes several steps, and the doors looked like they might be too narrow for her cart. This was something he’d never thought about but now it seemed obvious. 

After they returned from the shopping trip, Hideyoshi spent a few days writing some letters and sending them out to friends in the city. The responses he received made him smile, so much so that when he passed the chatelaine in the halls, she asked him what he was so cheerful about.

“Oh, I was just thinking I’d like to go out with you again. Would you be willing?”

She smiled widely. “I’d love to, when I have a day off. Where are you taking me?”

He crouched down to look her in the eye. Her happiness made his heart pound and he couldn’t help but reach out and take her hand. “Hm, let’s go into town for sweets.” And then he added, “Not too much though!” 

“Hideyoshi!” The chatelaine laughed. 

“Sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s fine. I know you by now. You take care of everybody.” She squeezed his hand. 

He felt his expression grow serious. “I do. I take care of everyone I love because their happiness is precious to me.”

The chatelaine looked down demurely, unable to meet his earnest gaze. “You can’t just throw that word around you know?”

“I know.” He kissed the back of her hand and then let go. 

On her next day off, they went into town, back to the shopping district. It didn’t take long for her to notice the changes. Several shops had wider doors, and sloping wooden ramps. 

She looked up at him and back at the changed shop fronts. “Did you . . .” she swallowed and wiped a hand at her face. “Did you do this?”

“No. Not exactly. I just mentioned to a few friends how much easier it would be to shop at their stores if they made a few adjustments. And when they did it, others followed suit and . . . is it ok?” He felt a sudden fear that she wouldn’t want him to meddle like this.

She blinked back a tear. “You are . . . you’re something else.” Her hand found his and she tugged him down to press a light kiss to his cheek. “Thanks.”

Her happiness made his pulse pound in his ears, and Hideyoshi felt his own cheeks heat. He ruffled her hair. “Welcome. Now. Let’s get something tasty.”

Masamune

“Why are you staring at me? It’s rude.” The chatelaine crossed her arms and gave Masamune a dangerous look.

He grinned. “Sorry, kitten. I was just thinking -” Masamune realized he didn’t want to admit he was thinking about how beautiful she was. He wasn’t sure she would believe it and even if she did, he wasn’t ready to confess his feelings. Flirting was harmless but what stirred in his heart was so much more than that. “I was just thinking, how fast can your rolling-chair go?”

Her eyes narrowed. “What?”

Masamune had a twinkle in his blue eye that promised mischief. “Let’s race. Me and you. If you win, you can ask me for anything you want. If I can give it, I will.”

“And if you win, what do you want?” Her frown had faded into a thoughtful expression, still cautious, but less guarded. 

He leaned close and tapped her on the nose. “A kiss.”

Her eyes went wide. “I . . . wha- you -” She cleared her throat. “Ok. Well, it won’t matter. Because I’m going to win.” And then with a wink, she weaved past him and began to build speed.

For a moment, Masamune stood there, stunned. He hadn’t expected that. He set off in chase with a laugh. “Lass! I didn’t say go!”

“Sounds like sour grapes,” she shouted back to him. “Afraid you’re going to lose when we barely started?” Her arms moved with smooth, sure strength as she went even faster. “I’ll bet you two kisses to two favors I can beat you to the bridge!”

“Well now I can’t lose,” he grunted. But she was already ahead and pulling further away. Masamune put everything he had into running, his whole body leaning forward, head ducked down. 

The distance between them narrowed, but not nearly enough. She was going to win, he thought. She was going to win and he wasn’t going to get a single kiss. He couldn’t help a twinge of disappointment as he glanced up to see her nearly at the finish line. She skidded to a stop at the edge of the bridge, her tires kicking up dust as she flipped her chair around to face him. 

Masamune stumbled to a stop in front of her, breathing hard. “You’re damn fast, lass,” he panted. “Thought I was . . . racing a - a kitten . . . not a tigress.”

“That’ll teach you.” She grinned. “Now. I think that’s two favors?”

He smiled back at her. The pure joy of victory in her face washed away any disappointment he had at losing. “So what’ll it be?”

“Well . . . racing like that makes my tires filthy so . . . I guess for one favor you can help me cleanup.”

“I’d do that anyway.” He waved the favor off. “Pick something good, lass. You deserve it.”

“Ok. Ummm . . .” she tapped her lower lip in thought. “You could cook for me?”

Masamune laughed. “I think you’re doing me a favor now, kitten. But sure. I’ll make you the best dinner you can imagine.”

“I don’t know about that. I can imagine a lot.” 

“Challenge accepted.” He crouched in front of her chair, studying her face with his sapphire gaze. “That’s one. So tell me, what’s the other?”

She leaned close, her lips curving up in a slow, teasing smile. “You can kiss me.”

Masamune thought his heart might burst from the sudden fullness he felt. He felt her lips press against his, gentle, uncertain. He kissed her back with an unexpected hunger. Her hands grabbed his shoulders to pull him closer and he wrapped his arms around her, pressing her lightly into the backrest. 

It was, he thought, the best favor he could have hoped for. 

Mitsuhide

Mitsuhide kept an eye on his little mouse whether she knew it or not. He loved her independence, her determination, but she had an all too familiar lack of regard for her own safety or comfort. The chatelaine worked herself twice as hard as anyone else and asked for half as much. Her odd rolling-chair from the future didn’t seem to impede her much. 

When it did, she would ask for help from the few people she seemed to trust. It bothered Mitsuhide that these requests almost never came to him. He wanted to help her. He wanted to be the one she turned to on her bad days. Not the one she hid her weakness from. Yet it seemed that was how she regarded him. He was bothered by it more than he could admit.

It took him several weeks of . . . not spying exactly, but well, spying . . . to figure out some of what she needed that she admitted to no one. Knowing things she would not share made him feel a little guilty, but pleased with himself as well. And hopeful. 

After she finished work one afternoon, he met her on her way back to her rooms. “There you are,” he said, as if surprised to find her. 

She rolled to a stop and looked up at him with a mix of wariness and anticipation. The chatelaine knew by now how unpredictable Mitsuhide could be. “If you’re planning on teasing me, please don’t. It’s been a rough day.”

“Teasing you? I would never.” He put a hand to his chest. “It’s you that chooses to ignore my interest in you.” He gave her a wide smile. “Trust me when I say tonight, I have no intention of taunting you. Not a bit.”

“When you say it like that, I’m even more suspicious.”

Mitsuhide couldn’t help but trace the top of her ear with a fingertip. “So suspicious!”

She slapped his hand away just as he’d intended. 

He caught her hand. “There we are. Yes. Just as I thought.” Her hand was dirty from the wheels, and there were blisters and calluses. 

“Let go. Oh. My. God. Why are you holding my hand?”

Mitsuhide could see she didn’t want him to say anything about the condition of it. She was worried about how he saw it. “I’ll let go but only if you promise to come with me.”

The chatelaine sighed. “I should have expected this. Blackmail. Fine. Where do you want to take me?”

“It’s not far.” He led her to a bathing room, one of several that Azuchi castle boasted. This was his favorite though. It was far enough away from prying eyes to feel more private, and the wood was so smooth it felt like silk to sit against. 

She paused at the door, her eyes going wide. “I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am, but I am not going to just get in the bath with you. You’ll just . . . just find some way to torment me.”

The heat in her eyes said she meant something other than actual torture. Mitsuhide could easily imagine what was running through her head. Him trailing kisses down her bare back. Rubbing sweet oil into her breasts. He cleared his throat, pushing those thoughts away. He wanted her to trust him and that wasn’t the way to get there.

“Come on, little mouse. You already agreed.”

“And you already let go,” she grumbled, but followed him in.

He had hot water and cloth already waiting, and a selection of salves from Ieyasu. He knew which to use after seeing her hand. Mitsuhide sat down on a low bench. “Now, hold out your hands for me.” 

She frowned at him. “This is really dumb. I don’t know why you want me to do that. You already saw how dirty I get from the wheels.”

“I did.” He waited. 

After a moment, she held her hands out to him. Mitsuhide gently washed them. He took care around the fresh blisters as he cleaned the Azuchi’s dirt from her. Her hands were strong, the muscle in them wound tight. He rubbed the tension away as he dried them off and by the time he applied the ointment, she was entirely relaxed. 

The chatelaine didn’t speak while he worked on her hands. She just watched him, curious and a little frustrated. There were things she wanted to say, but she hadn’t found the words yet. 

That was alright, he thought. He didn’t need her to say anything. Just to let him do this one, small thing. 

“You know,” she said finally, “if anyone else tried this, I’d kick them and leave.”

“Ah, but I am special?”

She looked away, an almost silent yes passing her lips. “I wanted to show you I can be as strong as you. I don’t want you to see me differently.”

“I know.” He smiled at her, his eyes alight with affection. “But I want to be there for you when you need me. I want to lo-” He coughed, started again. “I want to listen to you. So that I can help - because you are my precious little one.” He put the lid back on the salve. 

The chatelaine stared at her hands, quiet for a moment. 

Mitsuhide was worried he might have assumed too much. Just because she enjoyed his company didn’t mean she -

“Thanks. I- I feel like, since I came here, that I’m a burden. I don’t know how things work. How to talk to people. How to get around. Everything is different. The food, the clothes . . . And I was worried if I asked you for anything you might . . .” she sniffed, “you might see me that way too.”

He set a hand on her knee and squeezed lightly. “Silly little mouse. As if I could see you as anything other than a beautiful little fool.”

“You just had to add the fool part in there, huh?” She gave him a pretend glare. “Not everybody can read minds, ok? That’s not my fault. But you did say beautiful.” 

“Breathtaking. Gorgeous. So much so that any day is made better by the sight of you. My heart sings in your presence. You give me a reason to live.” He let himself tell her the truth for once, knowing she would see it as only a joke.

The chatelaine laughed. “Now you’re laying it on too thick. Anyway. Thanks for this.” She flexed her hands. “Can I keep that cream stuff you used?”

“Of course.” He handed her the pot. “Anything for you.”

“Seriously. Say stuff like that to a girl that doesn’t know you and you’re going to break hearts.” 

He wore his smile as if those words were taken as lightly as she meant them. “I’ll keep that in mind. Now, promise me you’ll tell me when you need something? Otherwise I’ll have to keep spying and blackmailing you. Although . . . I do enjoy that.”

“Blah. Yeah. I guess. Only because I know if I don’t, you’ll find out anyway.” She swatted his hand away from her leg with a grin. “So, are you going to push me back to my rooms or let me get my hands dirty again?”

“It will be my pleasure to push you there. Perhaps I can get a goodnight kiss as payment?”

“In your dreams!” 

He laughed. “Those will be the dreams I treasure then.”

[lycocarpum]

okay i kind of floated the idea of aromantic laudna in the heat of the moment as a bit of a not-so-serious joke but i'm still thinking about it. so im gonna just... think aloud for a second. since character retrospectives are A Thing we're all doing, i suppose.

and let me be very very clear, im not against wlw laudna or imogen/laudna at ALL, and i don't think this is in any way, shape or form going to actually HAPPEN, it's just an interesting path my mind took me down wrt her character and how she could grow. no serious headcanons here, no predictions. pick up the legos and play with me.

thing is-- we don't really see a lot of aspec relationships In Fiction deal with aromanticism as a legitimate thing worthy of respecting, and not... a minor inconvenience, or something to compromise on, let alone and god forbid the 'fix-it' narrative.

i can very clearly see a scene where one of the other two BH members sits laudna down and explains that imogen is IN love with her, and laudna just has this '.... oh, that's. that's going to be a bit. hm.' reaction. bc tbh that's something i've gone through a lot, and it's something that friends of mine have been on the OPPOSITE end of, as well.

and tbh i would really love to see conflict between the two stemming from the whole thing. Not because its any one person's fault and not because anyone is in the wrong, but simply for the... lack of compatibility of it all. trying to piece together some way to hold onto this relationship when you need different things from it. whether that works out or not, i think it's a good rp concept and could even be cathartic in a way very similar to how imogen/laudna endgame would be.

this kind of revelation from laudna could be freeing in some sense-- she knows more about herself, things start to make *sense* finally-- but it could also act as the catalyst for finally addressing their codependency and mutual self-esteem issues. it opens up room for a conversation about BEING frustrated that your feelings aren't returned, feeling guilty for things you can't help, finding your identity even when it's in conflict to what your closest and dearest friends want.

And it gives imogen even more to kind of... fret over, which is when i think she's at her best, character wise. I like imogen a lot, but i want to see her grow. i kinda think shes being... idk if naive is the right word here, but shes being a bit short-sighted on this imaginary future shes created with laudna. and while i think laudna would love to DO those things with her, in this hypothetical, if shes not IN love with her... That stings, that hurts, even for the most saintly of people.

Idk idk i just think this would be an interesting avenue to go down. i 100% get why people WOULDN'T, its a very raw wound and it's extremely topical in a time when there's so much conflict regarding queer relationships and media and etc. etc. you all get this, we're adults here. I don't like them hurting for the sake of hurting ofc but i like the messiness of this bc it is very real.

[yuki-kazami]

While you all are here because I'm being spicy and mad about gay animals, I guess I should also post this bc I forgor:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45889033

More spicy gay animals (Saria/Silence one-take prompt fic)

((Is this how you link fics on tumblr?? I don't use this shit I just like the art help am I supposed to post the whole text or something))

(((I guess you do post the text I don't know what's happening help im just smol)))

Closure:

Silence took a deep breath, steadying herself.

She could do this.

She needed to do this.

No more ambiguity, no more questions, no more secondhand info from Parvis of all people, that amoral old goat.

The fire with which she had defended her convictions towards Saria had long since burned low. It had been years since the incident at Rhine Labs. She’d married Joyce, Ifrit had grown into a capable young woman. Still, old wounds left scars, and she couldn’t just move on without closure.

Gathering up her resolve, she slid the door open to the observation deck. Harsh sunlight caused her to squint, but as her vision cleared, there she was. Saria stood alone, her back to the doorway, staring out into the vast expanses of rock. Her stance was firm. To most, it would be captivating, inspiring. It looked as if she was prepared to carry the world on her shoulders. And yet, Silence couldn’t stop herself from seeing it as lonely.

She shook her head, stepping forward.

“Saria.”

“Silence.”

Saria turned around as the door closed with a quiet whoosh. For some time, the pair simply stood there, eyes locked. Each passing moment brought more uncertainty into Silence’s gut. Even if the Saria of now was different to the one back then, even if she had grown and learned since her time as director, could she really handle being told that Parvis had been right? That Ifrit had been little more than an experiment Saria had a fondness for?

Or worse still, what if she had been-

She couldn’t bring herself to finish that thought, digging her nails into her palms to bring her focus back to reality.

“Silence, are you alright? We can speak another time if you need-“

“NO! No, I’m sorry, I just…” She grit her teeth, knowing that even with Joyce’s prodding, she wouldn’t be able to muster this courage up again. The cold shine of Parvis’s glasses in that darkened observation room haunted her mind, the moment her reality had cracked, that her heart had been torn to pieces.

“I need to know. I need you to be honest with me, Saria. Why did you leave Rhine Labs?”

It wasn’t what she wanted to ask. It wasn’t what she wanted to know. But she… she just couldn’t bring herself to say more, to risk what little trust she had left in the person she used to rely on shattering.

Saria’s face hardened as her eyes grew distant. “I grew disgusted with Control. Human experimentation is far from the ideals that we established Rhine Labs under. She lost sight of why what we were doing mattered.”

“Oh, is that so!?” A sudden, violent explosion that caught even Saria off-guard. “Really now, Saria? That’s what you have to say? You had a supposed ideological conflict? What about Ifrit? If you care so much about human experimentation, why did you leave her to suffer in their hands?” New fuel brought roaring flames back into her heart.

Saria’s voice remained comparatively calm, if a bit strained. “Silence. I trusted you with her. The paths I’ve walked were not those safe for a child.”

“Oh, her safety! That’s right, you had to make sure that your specimen wasn’t damaged! Silly me, I forgot that you needed Project Diabolus to complete successfully! After all, it must have been a costly cover-up making sure that the old experiment site didn’t hit Columbian news! Parvis showed me that you even made sure to sign off on the flamethrower they developed for the experiment! Very diligent, Director.” Silence was heaving at this point, half a decade of emotion echoing in the still air around the landship. Tears threatened at the corner of her eyes as she aired her grievances.

Saria’s voice rose in kind, confused and frustrated at the sudden vitriol. “Olivia, what kind of person do you think I am!? What the hell did Parvis tell you that made you believe him over me!? That very day, I went to Control and demanded that we go public with the news of Haydn Labs, only to be entirely shut down as being out of line!”

“DON’T YOU CALL ME THAT! Was that the same meeting where you agreed that the experiment should proceed as long as Ifrit’s life wasn’t in danger, and where you agreed to kill her if she had another episode!? And don’t play dumb with me, I saw you just about to until I showed up that night!” Tears flowed freely down Silence’s cheeks, her fists flailing in the air as she stormed up towards Saria, puffing up her feathers to be as intimidating a foe as her small stature could be.

Surprising even to Silence, it was Saria who ran out of gas first. She took a step back, face in her hands, shaking slightly. “Olivia.” Somehow, said with such a grave tone, Silence couldn’t bring herself to chastise Saria again for using her name. “Every night. Every night, for years, I’ve seen that blank gaze, the demon we forced inside that poor girl. I tried everything I could. Words, gestures, violence when I was forced to. All I wanted was for her to wake up, to see us again.”

Silence stepped back, her limbs suddenly leaden against her side. “Saria…” Things were beginning to click together, her worst fears come to life.

“The fire shields failed. The entire block of the landship was about to go up in flames. Potentially thousands of innocent people. And still, for one of the only times in my life, I had a moment of hesitation before I leapt into battle. Every time I hit her, I felt a part of myself die. She didn’t know what she was doing. She was an innocent kid forced to live out the whims of scientists playing God.”

The last of Silence’s coals burned out, leaving nothing but ash in the face of the truth. She wobbled, barely remaining standing as Saria continued on.

“How could I stop, Olivia? I couldn’t win. I had to keep fighting, even though it hurt. And at the end, when she woke up just before… just before I could make my final mistake? She gave me the candy she had saved the other portion of. Lying on the ground, bruised and battered nearly beyond recognition from my own Arts, she grinned because she was so happy I came to visit her. There is a part of me that still wonders why I didn’t kill both Parvis and Control that very night.”

Silence fell to her knees in front of Saria, shaking from the depth of her revelation. “Why… Why didn’t you… say anything…? All these years…”

Saria knelt down next to her, a concerned look on her face. “Because I knew you were right. If I had stepped in sooner, if I had fought Control harder, if I had taken over on the “treatment” to monitor it, none of this would have happened. Her blood has always been on my hands, and I nearly took her life. I don’t deserve her, or you, Olivia.”

A crisp smack echoed out across the plateau, new fire in Silence’s eyes.

“Shut up, you rock brained idiot.”

Silence grabbed the back of Saria’s horns and pulled her into an aggressive kiss.

[monstersinthecosmos]

writer asks meme:

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

41. what is the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had.

81. if you could go back in time and give your younger self a piece of writing advice specific to you, what would it be?

🍿🍿🍿

(Writing asks!)

2. I TRY NOT TO OUTLINE SO RIGIDLY THAT I DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR MOMENTS LIKE THIS BECAUSE TBH I THINK IT ALWAYS KINDA HAPPENS TO ME??? Something about how my ideas can be kinda of like nebulous but then once it's starting to take form on the page and I see how it ACTUALLY LOOKS vs what my idea was, sometimes the pieces start moving differently.

A specific example (Sheith example sorry but it's the most flagrant one I can think of LOL!) In chapter 9 of Tonight the Stars Revolt! I wanted to write out the canon scene of Keith's BOM trial (FOR YOU NON-SHEITHS BASICALLY IT'S LIKE A FUCKIN GAUNTLET FIGHT TO THE DEATH SEEING HOW LONG BEFORE HE GETS KILLED OR FIGURES OUT A WAY THROUGH THEIR MAZE LOL) and I wanted it to be bookended by smut scenes so that we'd see like how this event changes Keith and the way he needs intimacy? And like YOU KNOW ME I love angst & whump lol. But I had written out the bullet points of how I wanted the trial & post-trial smut to go but then when I was actually writing it like so many details and feelings came out in the moment once I was immersed that I decided to pull back and actually ease up on the whump because I realized that like, the IDEA of the whump was fun but then writing it out was making it sort of gratuitous and like TOO MUCH!! Where it wasn't serving the story anymore and like tbh I felt like I was pushing Keith TOO HARD where it wouldn't be realistic for him to even recover!!!!!!!!!!!

So I know at one point I had gone back and like deleted 3k or something to rewrite because Keith was like, LISTEN IM DONE YOU CANT GET KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS !!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry bud. lol.

41. BABY IDK ALL MY IDEAS GET VERY WEIRD. In 2017 writing The Lotus Eater I thought it was so weird for Daniel to get high via Blood Suppository and then in 2023 in Gallows Bird I felt like it was very weird that Armand got hammered via Wine Enema ? OR LIKE IDK Swampstat/Antoine dead dove? Or Victurri corpsefucking with EMBALMING FLUID AS LUBE???? I do often have WEIRD WEIRD ideas but like being realistic about what I have time to write I don't usually prioritize those things because I know my time is limited and I'd rather focus on things I can weave into more meaningful stories and sometimes the weird ideas don't come with a clear enough path on how to make them meaningful and worth my own time.

81. WRITE THINGS FOR FUN, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT MONETIZING YOUR HOBBIES! IT IS OKAY TO HAVE HOBBIES THAT YOU DO NOT MONETIZE! IF YOU MONETIZE EVERYTHING YOU CREATE YOU WILL RUIN YOUR ENJOYMENT OF CREATING! LEAVE THINGS THAT YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO CREATE FOR FUN SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE SOME JOY IN THIS FUCKING BLEAK CAPITALIST HELLSCAPE!

(And if you're ever wondering what your fic is missing, try making it hornier!)