#incorrect myths

[mtolympusmemes]

Hermes: It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Athena: Who else was hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Aphrodite and Ares's convo? Hermes: Me. I was in the laundry basket. Artemis: I was in the washing machine. Apollo: I was in the closet. Hermes: Hey congrats for coming out man! <3 Apollo: No I was literally in the closet. Hermes: Love is love. <3

[mytholots]

Medea: look Jason, I'm not slut shaming you but...

Medea: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

[incorrectgreekgods]

Poseidon: I trust Zeus. Demeter: You think he knows what he's doing? Poseidon: I wouldn't go that far.

[hemogoblin-art]

Gaia: Alright, I need you to swear-

Nyx: Fuck.

Gaia:

Gaia: Swear as in 'promise'...

[crazycatsiren]

Hermes: "It's almost Father's Day and I'm reminded of how father used to check my closet for monsters at night."

Artemis: "Father went to my first archery competition and he cheered the loudest of all there."

Athena: "Father gave me my owl and I love him so much!"

Apollo: "Father made sure I had my crow plushie tucked in with me at bedtime."

Dionysus: "Father let me try alcohol when I was five. He's my hero!"

[silentprincessandsweethibiscus]

Group projects are the worst, but at least the cute guy Vio likes is in their group, so it can't be all bad, right?

This is my enerty for fsff, for the vampire prompt Wouldn't it be funny if i made a vampire au where Shadow is just a normal ass human, i joked some months ago. Anyways, thanks Four Swords Fright Fight for giving me an excuse to actually write this au. i'm gonna use it for all five weeks, so we will see more of them.

The only thing Vio could smell as Clair ushered them into her apartment was garlic. Wrinkling their nose, they realized they where regretting not insisting in doing this group project on their own more and more. The things they would do for a stupid crush, they swears it makes them stupid.

“You like it?” Clair chuckled, “Roasted garlic tomato spaghetti and garlic bread. Figured we could eat some before we started studying.”

“Or at least,” Jen added with a laugh as she stuck her head out from the kitchen, “The three of us can.”

Vio gave them both an unimpressed raised eyebrow. “Is this about Shadow? You two do know that vampires can like, exist, in the same general vicinity to garlic right? It just smells like shit.”

“Sure, but we can still make it squirm a bit.”

“What a great host you are,” There was a knock on the door as Vio spoke, “Can’t wait for the rumors to be just that, it’ll be hilarious when it loves garlic.” Vio made his way to the table where the girls already had their own books and laptops set up, and sat down as Clair went to answer the door.

Rolling her eyes before opening it, she put on a big smile as she greeted their last group member. “Shadow! Hey.”“Hi.” Shadow poked its head in a bit, and seeing the other two there already it frowned. “I’m not late, am I?”

“No, no! Vio just got here as well.” Her overly sweet smile was annoying Vio, and they weren’t even the one she was trying to fuck with. Trying being the key word, as Shadow seemed to be oblivious to it.

“Cool, cool. I, uh, brought some snacks?” It lifted a bag, adorn with the logo from the convenience store around the corner, and gave the three and awkward, one corner smile.

“Aw, that’s great, Thanks Shad!” She smiled at it and made her way back into the apartment, sharing a look with Jen that had Vio rolling their own eyes when Shadow didn’t follow her in right away.

“Shadow,” They added themself, “Why don’t you come in and put those on the table.”

“Oh!” It quickly entered the apartment and closed the door, embarrassed flush on its face. “Right. Yeah. Uh, hi, Violet? Was it?”

“Vio.”

“Right, I-” Shadow wrinkled its own nose, face twisting as if it had tasted something awful. “Is that, garlic?”“It is. Entirely to much garlic.” Vio nodded in exasperated agreement.

“Isn’t it great?” Jen came back out with a bowl of the pasta. “I figured I would make us dinner, since Clair was nice enough to let us work on the project at her place.”

“Oh, yea. That was nice of you.” Shadow glanced at the bowl, nose still winked like it had smelled something that had died. “But I um, I’m allergic to garlic, actually, so y’all have fun with that. I’ll be good with just the snacks.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry! I wish I had known.” Jen’s words where so fake, and it was all honestly beginning to piss them off.

“Uh no, really, it’s fine?” Shadow put its hands up in a small gesture of surrender, eyebrow raised, looking, honestly just a bit confused. “I brought plenty, and it’s not like I was planing on eating here anyways.” The girls shared a look, and visibly had to hold back giggles as they continued to ‘apologize’ to Shadow, who shared its own, much more confused, look with Vio, who just shook their head. “Uh, so, what’s going on?”

Running through his option in his head, Vio decided that this was, in fact, not worth it. No mater what Red said. Slamming their hands on the table as they stood, to get the girls attention, Vio leveled them with a glare. “You know what, I’ve just decided, I actually don’t want to do this project with you two. Shadow keep your snacks, trust me you don’t either.”

“Oh thank Hylia. I never wanted to.” Shadow didn’t even bother looking sorry as it spoke, just shrugging his shoulders when Clair gave him a look.

Vio had to hold back a laugh of their own at that, giving the girls the same sickly sweet fake smile the had been giving Shadow since he arrived, though theirs had much more fang in it. “I would say it was nice, but I’m not interested in tricking you. Next time you plan on pulling a prank on someone who’s not even your friend, maybe don’t tell it to someone else who also doesn’t like your fake bullshit.”

Jen just stared at Vio’s fangs as Clair used her friend as a human shield, as if Vio was actually going to attack them. Please, they had far more class then that. Shadow however, looked like a light bulb was just smashed over its head, and it was pissed about it. “Oh come on! Is this about the vampire thing? Really? How many times do I have to explain to people that just because I’m goth and allergic to garlic does not mean I’m a vampire.”

“You didn’t come in the apartment, either.” Jen added, with far to much confidence for someone who was currently being used as a human shield.

“Yea! Because I’m autistic!” It laughed. “Besides, who the fuck just, walks into someone’s home without being told to when they barely know them?”

“Most humans, for some reason.” Vio added. “Also, vampires technically can, we just, for the most part, agree that it’s rude.��

“Because it is! I swear, I do not get neruotypical people.” Shadow hooked its own arm with Vio’s, pulling the vampire back towards the door. “Come on, lets go.”

Any intimidation Vio had on the girls faded as they proceeded to short circuit. Do humans still consider this gesture a courting thing? Or was Shadow just being friendly and making a point? the last time Vio had dated a human, they had also still been human, so they really didn’t know, but they hoped the blush on Shadow’s face was an indication.

When Vio did come back to his senses the two where about half a block away from Clair’s apartment, and Shadow was furiously texting. Vio couldn’t make out much of the conversation, other then the contact name ‘Puppy,’ as the whole conversation was moving to fast.

Curious, they leaned closer, grinning when Shadow shuddered a bit, but the human just turned to them with a big smile. Before Vio could ask any of the questions they now had, Shadow spoke, putting his phone away as it did. “Letting my girlfriend know my plans for the evening have changed a bit.”

“Oh?” Vio mused with a frown, debating texting their own partner about the nights plans. “Does she like to know where you are all the time?”

“Nah, but I like to keep him updated.” Shadow laughed, light and airy as it leaned into Vio. “Her and his other boyfriend love to keep a tally of how many people accuse me of being a vampire. I’m pretty sure they take bets on it?”

Vio responded with a small breathy laugh and a bewildered look, until they realized Shadow was serious. “How, how does that even work?”

“I donno. I think its monthly.” It shrugged. “Like whoever gets closest in a month wins? Don’t ask me what they win, I have no idea.”

“Ah. Alright then.” Vio chuckled, they had decided notifying Red was pointless. The Fae had probably assumed that Vio and Shadow would dip at first opportunity, seeing as she knew Vio didn’t like the girls in their group.

“Sooo,” Shadow cut through their thoughts, “Wanna go do something else, or do you have a partner to get back to now?”

“Oh don’t worry, they know exactly what my plans for the night are,” They grinned at their Shadow, “After all, it was only with his convincing that I came at all.”

“Oh!” It laughed at that, a full body laugh that had it leaning away from the force. As soon as Shadow calmed down, however, it leaned back in. “So we’re in the same boat tonight then. Come on darling, I’ll show you my favorite secluded spot in the park.”

“Careful,” Vio’s voice dropped as they let Shadow drag them along, “I think that’s how you humans get bit.”

“Oh don’t worry about that,” It shot them a coy smile, “That’s what I’m counting on.”

[artisthedgehog]

The story: They Historians: They The story: were Historians: were The story: gay Historians: gay The story: and Historians: and The story: in Historians: in The story: love Historians: love The story: They were gay and in love! Historians: They were very good friends, and most importantly ROOMMATES. They were roommates.

[hyapollo-brainrot]

Artemis: Huntsmen are huge, and not likely to hurt you. But the speed they move at can make you shit yourself.

Dionysus: Not when they're big. The big ones gallop slowly which is scarier.

Athena: Gallop??

Artemis: Yeah, huntsmen majestically gallop when they run. It's wondrous.

Athena: I'd like to unsubscribe from spider facts.

Dionysus: no.

[bishh-kanya]

HOI CONGRATS ON HITTING A MILESTONE 💞💞

Also for that game - 🌻

Thank you so much 🥰💕

Yes so i think for you would be great with

Aranyani

Vedic Indian goddess of forests and wildlife , i think you and her would be really good friends because i get a protector vibe from you and you're very curious and smart , she is very mysterious as well not much about her is known just like you . Along with

Indra

I think you would be great friends with him because you both would make each other laugh a lot and i think both of you will advise each other in various topics and will generally enjoy the pleasure of heaven's and would wander around in earth to see what's happening here

This was so hard considering you're so versed in mythology 😭

And i think Shiva, Vishnu and all the Mahavidyas would be great friends with you.

Hope you like it (ʘᴗʘ✿)

[thedeathwitchescats]

If you work with/worship/are devoted to hades and are a staunch supporter of the homeric hymm to demeter, you believe that the only true version of the hades and persephone myth is that she was taken against her will, if you believe that that is absolute fact then I believe you are a disgusting waste of space. Not bc of pettiness, but bc at that point you are worshipping someone who you believe to be a pedophile, rapist and kidnapper. So fuck you. You can not fucking ignore THOUSANDS of years of myths that came before and after one fucking hymm, berate people for believing otherwise, and then fucking worship a pedophile. Fuck you. You are a waste of space.

[mtolympusmemes]

Hera: Tell Persephone about the birds and the bees Demeter: They're disappearing at an alarming rate

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Thanatos and Hades: *approach Sisyphus*

Thanatos: Are you Sisyphus?

Sisyphus: Depends who's asking.

Thanatos: We are.

Sisyphus: Who's we?

Thanatos: Depends who's asking.

Sisyphus: I am.

Thanatos: Who's I?

Sisyphus: Depends who's asking.

Thanatos: I am-

Hades: THANK YOU, Thanatos, you've been of immense help. Now I'll take it from here.

[mytholots]

Apollo: If I fall…

Surya: I’ll be there to catch you.

Lugh: *looks at Sol* What if I fall?

Sol: Then I’ll fall with you, never leaving your side.

Huitzilopochtli: *watches these two interactions*

Huitzilopochtli, to Ra: And if I fall?

Ra: I’ll be the one who pushed you.

[bruciemilf]

Matt Reeves has the potential to give us the funniest comedic duo with Martinez and Bruce.

Martinez, bored out of his mind, sipping on his Barbie ice coffee: Gun to your head, would you rather kiss Joker or Riddler?

Bruce, who wanted a barbie drink too but was too awkward to order: Gun to my head? Pull the trigger

Martinez: wh E E Z E

[athenas-sw0rd]

Agamemnon: I never considered you a rival.

Achilles: I never considered you at all.