#incorrect mythology quotes

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Interviewer: Why do you have a gap in your résumé?

Hermes: Actually I pressed the Enter key twice.

[mytholots]

Apollo: *crying* It was so hard! I couldn't take it man!

Artemis: *patting him on the back* Yeah life can be hard sometimes.

Apollo: Life?

[loloisafangirl]

Hades: I’m still trying to figure out why you like me.

Persephone: Because you’re sweet and funny.

Hades: Well Thanatos says I’m mean and grumpy, so one of you is lying.

[iosagol]

When Zeus overhears Poseidon saying that all the mortals think of Zeus as only a cruel and horrid god, he resolves to prove that wrong by giving nice gifts to mortals. This backfires when the people he gives gifts to can't believe it was Zeus who did the giving and assume he must be one of the kinder gods instead.

Zeus: here you go, fine lady, you now have enough food to feed your orphanage! Woman, sobbing: Oh thank you, Hermes! Zeus:

Zeus: here you go, old man, you are now healed! Old man: Oh bless you, Apollo! Zeus:

Zeus: here you go, little boy, you're officially bestowed with mighty powers and you'll grow up to be a hero Young Achilles: Thanks, mister Hades! Zeus: Zeus: kid, I'm not Hades Young Achilles: Oh Young Achilles: Thank you, Lord Ares Zeus: I'm not Ares Young Achilles: Oh Zeus: I'm a very special god... I'm sure you've heard of me... I'm very kind :D Young Achilles: Are you... Athena? Zeus: Zeus: *carefully adds a weakness spot to Achilles's little heel* Zeus: *carefully plans ahead to the day when Achilles will be shot in that weakness spot* Zeus: Yeah Zeus: Yeah you bet I'm Athena

Zeus: here you go, little village suffering from drought. Have some rain. Dying village: Oh thank you, Thor! Zeus: *blasting the village people to bits* NO, SHUT UP, THOR ISN'T EVEN A PART OF THE PANTHEON

[mythos-soup]

Frigg, Hera and Isis: what do you call disobeying the law?

The tricksters: A hobby :)

Frigg, Hera and Isis: [visibly disappointed]

The tricksters: that we do not engage in :/

[paradisechid800]

Aphrodite: ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

All the Olympians: *Stops what they're doing to look at her*

Aphrodite: ...

Athena: What is it?

Aphrodite: Oh, nothing. I just wanted attention.

[artistic-kombat-and-mythology]

Lord Raiden: You are telling me that you raised your daughter Athena in your head which caused strong headaches and eventually led to you asking your son Hephaestus to crush your head. Your daughter came out of it and that is how she was born, did I hear that correctly?

Zeus: You summarized it just perfectly!

[bloody-arty-myths]

(At one point in the heavens)

Tsukuyomi: “Where are the people??!”

Fujin & Raijin: “We killed them and ate their livers :)”

[percabethownsmybutt]

annabeth: why are you following me?

percy: because we’re dating now

annabeth: okay… what about grover?

percy: we’re a package deal

grover: buy one idiot, get one free

[incorrecthomer]

[at Achilles's funeral] Agamemnon: *places his hand on the pyre and sobs* Agamemnon: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed.

[meditando-en-paris]

Odysseus: Do it or you're straight.

Achilles: *Loud gasp*

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Artemis: I'm worried about you.

Apollo: *dunks Oreo in whiskey* Why?

[mytholots]

Apollo: You disgust me.

Hermes: *eating a kitkat sideways* And?

[tostealtimefromthefates]

Odysseus: Love, if I died, would you get married again?

Penelope: That's a stupid question, I wouldn't let you die.

Odysseus: But what if it was out of your control, like I was run over by a chariot or fell ill or something?

Penelope: I would march down into the Fields of Punishment and drag you back out.

Odysseus: What if I was at peace in the afterlife, and didn't want to come back?

Penelope: I don't care what you want, you think I'm living without you? Are you crazy?

Odysseus: Awwwww. Wait, why did you just assume I'd end up in the Fields of Punishment?

Penelope: Have you met yourself? You're a heinous bastard and that's why I love you.

[saturncodedstarlette]

God!Ghost : I’m craving something sweet

Y/N : *eagerly points to self*

God!Ghost : I said sweet, not spicy right now, little bird

Y/N : . . .

Y/N : Heyy you told me I tasted like honey last night :(

God!Ghost : NO I don’t mean it like that-

[mythos-soup]

Crossover hc tume-^-^-^~

Sun squad!

I think they like take shifts for being the sun

It would work on a monthly basis so the moon can change as well at the same time (yk would be whenever the moon cycle is abt to repeat)

And to me the idea of them just chilling while its someone elses turn is just so funny to me like Coyolxauhqui and Huitzilopochtli are doing their thing then Helios shows up like "alright guys cut it out cut it out now its my turn" and them just grumbling and going to go do their own things

Just bc of how funny i find that concepts have some silly made up situations:

Hati & Skoll: gggrrrfff bARK brrark bbbrfffAORK

Apollo: Yo Loki control your fucking dogs they almost bit my beautiful beautiful face >:(

Loki: first of all they are my grandchildren so dont you talk abt them like that and second of all its almost sunrise time so chop chop Sol and Mani are on their way

================================

Ra, Sol, Mani & Huitzilopochtli: how come you guys can just do your job without fearing for your life or fighting your worst enemy this is really unfair :/

Helios, Apollo, (the many other egyptian sun gods i cant be asked to name), tonatiuh, nanauatl, amaterasu:.....what..????? Are you guys ok???