#incorrect peter parker and tony

[hurtspideyparker]

Tony: I'm buying you a Rolex

Peter: What, why! That's way too excessive

Tony: You need a proper watch

Peter: I have a proper watch *shows off children's Spider-Man watch*

Tony: That is not a watch, that's an embarrassment

Peter: Just wait till you see this—*presses button so it flashes coloured lights* bet your dumb Rolex can't do that

Tony: It can't, and if it did I'd return it

Peter: Sounds like you've never been kidnapped in the dark with nothing but this bad boy to try and pick the lock with. And those suckers said it was too worthless to take, pft

Tony: ...Why do you create more problems for me every time we have a conversation?

[minimarvelh]

Tony, entering the elevator and seeing Peter in it: hey, my favourite intern, how is your project?

Peter: oh, everything is alright, Mr. Stark. I just need you to sign these documents for me.

Tony: oh, alright, do you have a pen?

Peter: yes, right here.

Tony: ok, where to sign?

Peter: here. *Tony signs* and here *Tony signs* and here *Tony signs*.

Tony: okay, but what did I sign?

Peter: oh, nothing, dad.

Tony, choking: what did you just say?

Peter, running out of the elevator at full speed: NOTHING IMPORTANT, DAD!!

(aka Tony accidentally adopts his intern because he didn’t read the documents. After hearing what have happened, Pepper couldn’t stop laughing and shouting „it’s KARMA”. Tony doesn’t think it’s karma, he thinks this kid might be his blessing)

[wynnd-citrus]

nearly forgot to post this onto my tumblr today (im so used to just posting to IG and then being done but i must now take care of my tumblr page too hehe)

[thewrittenpodcast]

Principal: unfortunately we had to call your mother in

Peter: may won't pick up

Principal: no not your aunt. your mother

Peter: i don't... have one?

Principal: says here one Viginia Potts is listed

Peter: i have never met a virginia in my life

Pepper, walking in: i was called

Peter:

Peter: your name is virginia?

Peter: my life is a lie

Peter: how can I go on

[allowmetohityouwithmyreblog]

The avengers watching a film in the tower:

Peter, seeing somebody get hit by a train on screen: ha! Been there done that- not as fun as it looks.

Tony, barely listening: uh-huh

The other avengers, all looking at peter: ..

Tony, launching off the couch: yOU WHAT?

[autumnistic-danmei]

Peter: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? 

Peter: I want to make him a God. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of Us. 

Peter: I also want to softhack his circuits. 

Tony: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

[vyynn]

Peter: Mr Stark! The ice cream truck is gonna pass by soon, can I borrow 2 bucks?

Tony: What's the magic word kid.

Peter: Dad?

Tony, pulling out $100 from his wallet: It was supposed to be please but...that works too.

Bruce, muttering under his breath: A bit too well.

[spidey-017]

Peter: *almost dies*

Tony: jeez kid, did Rogers teach you your self-preservation skills or something?

Peter: no, my parents did

Tony: kid-

[hyperfixatedmess873]

[august-parker]

Peter: "hey guys can I ask a big favor?"

Natasha: "I'd slaughter people for you"

Tony: "I would go back to my old ways and build bombs powerful enough to end the world if you asked"

Loki: "I would kill everyone in this room if you wished."

Peter: "you'd do that anyway?"

Loki: "precisely."

Peter:

Peter: "I just need help with my homework if that's okay..?"

[incorrectcompoundnotes]

Bucky, walking into Tony’s workshop: I think your kid stole my arm-

[Peter and Tony are taking Bucky’s arm apart, giggling excitedly.]

Peter: …and he didn’t even wake up once!

Tony: Good job, kid.

Bucky, sadly: My arm…

[hurtspideyparker]

*On the quinjet*

Steve: I think this is the most peaceful it's ever been post-mission

Clint: Oddly... serene

Natasha: No blood, no arguing, no press, no clean up. It's almost too good to be true

Bruce: It kind of feels like we're missing a part of us

Everyone: Hm.

Everyone:

Tony: WE FORGOT THE KID

*20 minutes later*

Tony: Why didn't you call us after we left you?!?

Peter: Oh I thought that was on purpose. I was just gonna take the subway home

Steve: Peter we're in New Mexico.

[minimarvelh]

Tony: kid, you alright?

Peter: yeah, why are you asking? I’m right here with you playing minecraft.

Clint: yeah, Tony, stop being mother Hen.

Tony: fuck off, I feel like something is wrong. Look me in the eyes.

Peter: what? no?

Tony: Peter!

Peter: ahjak okay!

Tony, one second after looking at his kid: Friday, call Bruce, we’re heading towards Medbay!!

Client: you gotta be kidding? he’s completely fine!

Tony: ehh no, he has the “I was stabbed” look in his eyes.

Clint: no he’s not. that’s not a real thing.

Peter, bewildered: yeah, that’s not a real thi—

Friday: it appears to me that Mr. Parker-Stark jr. is losing his blood in exponential levels and he has some sharp object in his back.

Peter: the knife isn’t that sharp

Tony: PETER

[movienerd22]

*A video of Tony and Peter appears on the TV*

News reporter: Tony stark spotted at Burger King with.. his mystery son??

Tony: huh

Peter:

Tony: Hm my hair looks weird in that video

Peter: That’s all your gonna comment on?!

[abi7100]

Interviewer [To Peter]: So how does it feel working with someone who's so out of your league?

Peter: um.. well-

Tony, grabbing the mic: It feels amazing. fantastic. He's simply remarkable. Still don't know how i did it.

[thewrittenpodcast]

Peter: you can't ground me

Tony: can. Did. It's done you're grounded

Peter: but-

Pepper: no arguments you're grounded

Peter, saluting: yes ma'am Ms. Potts i am going to rethink my life in my room now

Tony:

Tony: HOW