#it’s just annoying cause like what are you arguing against. you actively want me to get a different job

[lilgynt]

i was talking to my mom about my job sucking and she kept pushing like well every job sucks. and kept pushing like girl if it all sucks the same why are you leaving urs

[ellionwrites]

If Geto and Gojo were so close, why didn't Geto try to convince Gojo to defect with him?

Because Geto knew that Gojo’s support would guarantee his success, but that success would come at the cost of hurting Gojo.

I believe that Geto cared more about protecting Gojo than he cared about building a better world.

..

Let me explain…

First, let’s talk about why it would’ve made sense for Geto to ask Gojo to join him:

(1) Gojo would’ve been Geto’s most important / most powerful ally

By the time of Geto’s defection, Gojo is already the strongest sorcerer in existence. He and Geto are two of only three special grade sorcerers. Having them both on the same side is essentially an automatic win.

(2) Gojo should’ve been (relatively) easy to persuade

Gojo had already told Geto that he didn't like having to save the weak and didn't care about the moral justifications for it…

…Geto has also seen that Gojo doesn’t always value / protect human life. He was ready to massacre the Time Vessel Association without reason, but ultimately he didn't, because he deferred to Geto's judgement…

…and, most importantly, they are best friends on a DEEP, unparalleled level. Geto is Gojo’s “one and only” best friend.

If Geto was truly dedicated to changing the world order, Gojo should’ve been the first and most important person that he tried to recruit to his insurgency / cult / mission.

BUT

Not only does Geto make zero effort to reach out to / recruit Gojo, he actively avoids him and pushes him away...

- - - - - Keep reading cut - - - - -

After he kills the 112 non-sorcerers, Geto runs into Shoko in Shinjuku. He happily approaches her and willingly answers her questions.

Look at his smiling face in their interactions:

But, when Shoko calls Gojo, Geto leaves before Gojo shows up. Gojo tracks him down anyway and demands an explanation. Geto still doesn’t want to talk about it (“You already heard it.”)

It's strange, right? Geto loves talking about his vision of a better world with everyone else.

Then, there is this confusing progression of dialog:

Geto is hurt/annoyed that Gojo doesn’t believe in him, so he points out that Gojo’s argument against his plan is invalid. The plan is possible (“You could do it”), therefore (according to Gojo’s own logic) it’s not “pointless.”

In a way, Geto is admitting that he knows it would make the most sense for Gojo to join him.

But before Gojo can respond, Geto pivots to saying something extremely hurtful. He's questioning who Gojo is / would be if he wasn't the strongest. Is there really anything more to him? (See more detail in my post here).

Then, in the very next panel Geto turns and starts walking away.

In summary: (1) Geto avoids Gojo, (2) Geto only argues in favor of his plan when Gojo forces/baits him, (3) Upon invalidating Gojo’s opposition to his plan, Geto immediately puts emotional distance between them, (4) Geto then puts physical distance between them.

Why is Geto trying so hard to make sure that Gojo won’t follow him?

Is he just being prideful about doing this on his own? Is he so angry at Gojo's arrogance that he'd jeopardize the success of his life's mission over it?

These arguments aren't in line with Geto's characterization / known motivations (see the end of this post, if you're interested in more on that.)

Geto's main motivation is (a twisted form of) compassion. He wants to end the suffering of sorcerers.

He is a thoughtful, contemplative person, and would've thought about the ramifications of recruiting Gojo.

What are the ramifications?

If Gojo joins the cause, Geto’s plan would succeed, but Gojo would suffer for it.

Like anyone who joins Geto's cult, Gojo would become a pariah / fugitive from Jujutsu society. He’d kill people. He’d kill other sorcerers.

But because Gojo has the singular level of strength/ability to kill non-sorcerers en masse, he would commit the vast majority (or all) of the murder / destruction. The legal, social, and mental impacts would be most severe on Gojo.

(Also, at this point, I think Geto may still question whether he’s made the right choice. It’s difficult to go from a hardline stance on protecting non-sorcerers to wanting to gen0c1de them, within the span of a year, without any lingering ethical qualms. So he may be worried about moral costs to Gojo as well.)

Let’s remember that Geto (canonically) deeply loves Gojo. Gojo is his one and only best friend. Geto worries about Gojo when he overworks himself protecting Riko. Geto is shocked when Toji kills Riko in front of him, but he only flies into a rage when he thinks Toji has killed Gojo. (Again, see my post here for more on how much Geto loves Gojo).

So, it makes sense that Geto is ready to make sacrifices to create a better world, but it’s a cost he’s willing to put on his own head. Not Gojo's.

Ultimately, Geto cares more about Gojo than he cares about achieving the mission he has dedicated his life to.

The last thing Geto says to him is this:

What he's really asking Gojo is: "Have you stopped loving me, now that I've committed myself to this dark path? Would you kill me to save them?"

If Gojo hates Geto enough that he’d kill him, then Geto never had a chance of recruiting Gojo in the first place.

Of course, Gojo can’t make himself hurt Geto. He still loves Geto too much.

Geto protected Gojo by pushing him away.

___

Addendum:

I'll also argue against two other possible explanations for Geto's behavior.

(1) Geto is jealous / prideful /wants to build his own legacy without Gojo stealing the spotlight

Geto has clear motivations for his goals and they’re not egotistical. He wants to end the suffering of sorcerers caused by non-sorcerers’ existence (e.g., Riko’s death, Mimiko & Nanako’s abuse).

Geto’s pride isn’t hurt when Gojo becomes the strongest. The only thing that bothers Geto is that they’re getting sent on separate missions.

After Gojo becomes stronger that him, Geto still has overt affection for Gojo (e.g., he asks Haibara to bring back sweets from his mission so he can share with Gojo).

Although Geto does believe in his superiority over non-sorcerers, he doesn't feel superior over other sorcerers and doesn't struggle with his 'inferiority' to Gojo.

Does Gojo’s lack of faith in Geto’s ability (calling his goal “impossible”), spur Geto to want to prove himself? Yes, probably. But Geto had already been avoiding Gojo before he said that. And I don’t believe that wanting to prove himself to Gojo would overshadow his stronger motivation to build a better world for sorcerers.

(2) He thinks Gojo actually is too moral to join him

After Geto kills the 112 non-sorcerers, Gojo is shocked and upset by what’s happened, but not once does he insult Geto or imply that Geto has done something unforgivable. In fact, he’s practically begging Geto to explain himself because he wants to be able to justify his actions. And, again, Gojo’s argument against Geto’s plan is NOT that “it’s wrong,” it’s that “it’s impossible.”

[henrioo]

°•*⁀➷ TWO AGAINST ONE: PORTGAS D. ACE

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : "Ace makes the mistake of eating one of your pregnant husband's sweets, you, now he needs to somehow earn her forgiveness. However, it seems that in this dispute, your son has already chosen who his favorite father will be."

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : TRANS MALE READER, FTM READER, TRANS MASC READER, PREGNANT MALE READER, MEN PREGNANT, BIOLOGICAL PREGNANCY, GAY RELATIONSHIP, Reader is a little dramatic, pregnancy dramas, unnamed baby but is a boy, Ace and you are married, Ace is a golden retriever and you're mean to him (just a little), Ace is a perfect dad and husband

꒰ WC ꒱ : 917

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : Wow, more babies! Hahah who would have thought... Okay I wanted to say that it's the last baby story but it's not, At least next time I'll try to post another topic or you'd start to think I'm weird. The post was supposed to be yesterday and it was also supposed to be a late ask, but the ask is 7k words long and I'm having a serious problem translating it, so I'm going to post this other story today so I can have more time, enjoy!

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"Love, honey, my husband, my man, my sweet, forgive me." Your husband, Ace, whimpered beside you as you lay on the reclining sofa, covered in pillows and with a soft blanket over your huge belly. You had an irritated expression and crossed arms, purposely ignoring him and pretending to pay attention to the television.

"I'm not talking to you," you snorted irritably, and if your feet weren't swollen and your legs weren't aching, you would have kicked his ass out of the house.

"I swear, I didn't know it was your chocolate! I thought it was mine... I'm sorry, my love," he was kneeling on the sofa next to you, his hands clasped together begging for forgiveness, and his puppy eyes were so sad that anyone would have accepted his apologies.

Anyone, except you. No, no, you were a pregnant man dealing with a very active baby and hormones so out of whack that you seemed like a ticking time bomb. You definitely wouldn't forgive your husband for eating the last of your chocolate stash. Especially because it was Sunday! The store that sold your favorite, expensive, artisanal chocolate only opened on Tuesdays. You would have to go two days without your chocolate because of your husband's stupidity in not checking who the chocolate belonged to before swallowing it!

Okay, you weren't exactly craving chocolate in the past few days, and that one had been stored for a long time... But that doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't have eaten it!

"I swear I'll buy the whole store for you to forgive me! Please, don't pout at me like that," he whined again as he lovingly rubbed your arm. Ace hated hurting you, no matter how small the reason. Now that you were pregnant, he tried his best to make you live in paradise, as he was extremely worried when he found out that stress could cause serious complications in pregnancy. Although Marco and Law tried to explain that it had to be an absurd amount of stress, he practically didn't listen and accepted as an absolute truth that even the smallest amount of stress was a deadly risk for you and the baby!

"I hate you," you murmured irritably, and your frustrated pout grew. You didn't like arguing with Ace and usually didn't care so much about something like this, but those damn hormones made you go crazy. One moment you were crying, and the next you were trying to set the house on fire with Ace inside. Then, you would go back to normal as if everything were fine. You could only think that this was Ace's punishment for taking so long to propose to you.

"What can I do to make you forgive me, my king?" he sighed and sat closer to you, kissing your arm and then trying to kiss your cheek, which resulted in you moving away. "You're breaking your poor husband's heart."

"I'll ask for a divorce if you keep annoying me," you said, trying to stay strong, although you were almost giving up on arguing and just getting lost in Ace's warm embrace.

"Ouch... So cruel," he whimpered and carefully laid on your belly, then gently stroked it, giving kisses on the shirt you were wearing. "Come on, little guy, help your old man make peace with your daddy. He'll put me to sleep on the couch if he stays like this," he whimpered, trying to get help from his unborn child.

Before you could reprimand Ace again, a kick was felt by both of you... Your baby had just kicked exactly where Ace's head was, making him startle and jump from the slight blow he received, causing both of you to widen your eyes in shock.

"Our son just kicked me?" he asked, confused and incredulous about the situation.

"Humph, looks like it's two against one now," you smiled triumphantly as you caressed your belly. "Our son is smart, he knows that this daddy here is the only one whose right," you continued teasing Ace, already feeling your mood improve and the anger dissipating.

"This is unfair! The two men in my life are ganging up against me!" he crossed his arms with a pouting expression.

"Think twice before eating my sweets next time," you shrugged. "You heard the baby, today Daddy Ace sleeps on the couch," you laughed, feeling some gentle kicks from your baby, as if he really agreed with you.

"This little rascal will have to deal with me when he's born... Stealing my husband, I was here before you," he muttered childishly as he glared at your belly. "And you, mister grumpy husband, I'm going to squeeze and kiss you until you're forced to forgive me! And if you try to kick me out of our room, I'll cry at the door like a stray dog," Ace made his threat, and before you could disagree, he threw himself on top of you, covering your face with kisses as he hugged you tightly. All you could do was laugh, feeling ticklish from his kisses. You didn't usually get mad at your husband so often, but if it meant having him as a repentant little puppy trying to win your forgiveness through affection and love... Maybe you would start getting mad more often, especially if your son would help you.

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[astralnymphh]

I just got on and saw what’s been happening and bro…I’m glad people are talking about it. Mostly about the smut, inclusivity, Palestine, and the fetishization of trans people.

Reading smut is so underwhelming like it seems like that’s all what people write these days. Like I need ANGST! I need to CRY! I need SLOW BURN AND PLOT….

And to be honest, I personally feel like some writers purposely list the reader’s physical descriptions as being white… like damn you know multiple people are going to come across your shit. I would get annoyed asf when I see something like “she touched your soft pale flushed skin” BITCH- 💀 don’t piss me off 😒🦶🏽

I won’t speak too in depth about the fetishization of trans people in fanfics because I’m not trans and I don’t want to say anything inaccurate BUT I will say it’s so disturbing and off putting seeing shit like that and seeing how people are sexualizing trans people more than treating them like regular humans…I also came across that ‘femcel’ series and🧍🏽‍♀️erm… no.

I appreciate the account who made the post discussing how the word trans and the f word are completely different. I didn’t even know that word was derogatory and it shocked me... I hope that account takes it down and they educate themselves or something cause 🙁👎🏽

yes pook YES smut can be underwhelming and so overdone. we definitely need more angst/fluff.. or just PLOT in general. no, i'm not saying don't write it at all (incase anons twist my words, cause.. they're good at that.) i'm just saying that it would be nice to see some fully fleshed out pieces with emotion and storytelling. i have something in the works though, that encompasses all genres (fluff/smut/angst) so, there's that!

people will so clearly write the whole petite pale white girl bs like "ur delicate small hand" or the fuckass "doey eyed and blushing cherub red" like NEVER portray reader so specifically unless you're going to specify it in the cw!!!! do whatever for ellie's white ass but for the love of gods and goddess BE AWARE OF READER AS A SPOT TO FILL, NOT AN OC!!!! idk how else to describe what i just said. but. it is said. so it. yeah. that whole delicate small petite thing kinda trickles into writing childlike readers too but. thats a whole nother discussion. no clue if i ever used that phrasing in the past tho i have no bold memories of my writings in detail.

i think people will listen to anybody but trans people who are actively calling it fetishization, like. all the mfs arguing with them say "trans and f💀ta aren't the same!" yeah. they aren't. cause one is like, a genuine, flesh and bone person.. with a whole story.. and feelings.. and experiences.. and one is.. fetishization. how many times do trans people have to repeat that? bet most of the people trying to argue against it aren't even trans.

the whole thing about authors "flooding" the tlou tag with palestine posts is also dumb as fuck. is scrolling a bit too taxing on your poor smut-guzzling thumbs?? ur scrolling over big booty fics, i think you can scroll a little further past those posts if you're really that much of a basement dwelling fuck that's sitting comfortably in their homes while a genocide is happening. out here sobbing cause people are spreading awareness. eat my bum bum booty. ++ also add-on cause we're holding writers accountable for ignoring a strike (different than not knowing at first) but there's also the artists!! they're there too.

anons r gonna come into my inbox abt all this but i'm not even gonna answer like, don't waste your time. im not reading all that. especially coming from an ANON 💀

me when

[rottenshotgungames]

I want to start talking about my personal game design philosophy

Stop Saying “No”

Let’s be honest here, you’ve written a hard limit into at least one of your games. We all have, I certainly have. It’s one of those simple yet effective pieces of tech (one that’s existed since the dawn of games) that can be introduced to bring an option in line with some other option, or to prevent a scaling into eternity, or some other third thing. Maybe skills have maximums, or you can only use a certain number of consumables in a combat, or an item can only be activated every other scene or round. Whatever it is, you’ve written into your game a rule that tells the players, “No. You cannot do this thing.”

I think we overuse hard limits. My goal is to convince you that hard limits, that the “No” you’ve introduced into your rules, is the game design equivalent of junk food: easy to use and bad in large quantities.

My argument boils down to two simple points:

Hard limits are frustrating and boring

Hard limits limit your design

In addition, I will be detailing three alternatives to hard limits:

Costs

Consequences

Balance

Hard vs. Soft

Before we begin, I want to clarify the difference between a hard limit and a soft limit:

A hard limit can generally be defined as, "A rule which expressly forbids or otherwise disallows something, either in a given circumstance or in general."

A soft limit, in contrast, can generally be defined as, "A rule which disincentivizes or otherwise indirectly limits something."

Alright, on with the show.

Hard Limits are Frustrating and Boring

This is what I like to call the, “What do you mean I can’t use my telekinesis to disarm that guy??? That’s fucking stupid!” Put simply, people like using their toys, and people dislike being told they can’t use their toys for whatever reason. Even if you haven’t had as vitriolic of a reaction as the one described earlier, I’m more than positive you’ve felt this way toward some rule in an RPG at some point. Even if a hard limitation is completely reasonable, it can still be frustrating to encounter; I understand why I can’t raise my Skill levels above my character level in Pathfinder, but it was still annoying and saddening the first time I heard it.

There’s this tweet from a while back, in which one Mr. Joshy McCroo (@riseupcomus) argues that any hard CC that fully prevents you from taking actions is inherently poor design as it does nothing but frustrate the person that it’s used on. This is the very same concept, and for the very same reason: it’s just not fun.

The fundamental reason for the frustration caused by hard limits is that they restrict player choice. When you introduce a hard “no,” you often remove an opportunity to create interesting decisions, and decisions are the foundation of play. Boredom with a system or a situation is spawned by a lack of choice, by a necessity to perform the same action over and over or an inability to do anything. When you give players a variety of tools that can each be used consistently—particularly in tactical games—they will use those tools in interesting, creative, and fun ways; if you restrict those tools, restrict the freedom to use those tools as desired, boredom and frustration can set in quickly.

Hard Limits Limit Your Design

This point is less objective and far more experiential / personal. This isn’t meant to demean opposing views or differing design philosophies.

As stated earlier, hard limits are simple, effective, and easy to use. If you come up against a design wall, such as an option being too powerful or players over-centralizing, it can be easy to just institute a rule that says “You can’t use this constantly,” or “You can only have this many Gizmos™️,” but doing so will often deprive you of an opportunity to innovate or otherwise improve your design sense.

For me, learning design was a serious process of Example and Trial. I’d use reference points (such as RPGs or Video Games that I really liked) to guide me through tough decisions, and when I didn’t have that guide I’d just write and revise until something fit. Eventually, I realized that growing as a designer and developing my own philosophy meant expanding beyond (even if ever-so-slightly) my influences, and the balance shifted from Example(60)/Trial(40) to Example(30)/Trial(70). For me, the fun of design is coming up against these kinds of issues and seeing if I can develop a novel approach or take a stale approach and spice it up, and I feel myself getting better every time I try.

Hard limits are easy to use and generally (relatively) easy to implement, as such they offer less opportunity for growth.

Some alternatives to hard limits, and why you might consider using them:

Costs

Two prevalent examples of costs are weapon ammunition and (≥2) times per Scene/Combat/Rest/Day abilities (both of these can be found in D&D 3e onward and many of its derivatives).

A cost is basically just a hard limit that's been a few steps removed, but those few steps manage to turn it into a soft limit of sorts. Costs fundamentally take a hard "No" and turn it into a "Yes, but . . ."

This is probably the easiest alternative to implement, which explains why it's kinda found everywhere. Even spell slots in the Dragon Game are a form of cost limitation. It's also just a generally strong solution, usually removing a significant amount of frustration and adding opportunities for resource management gameplay. However, if not implemented with care or consideration for surrounding options, you could end up with people carrying over 500 arrows at any given time or once more falling into a set rotation of combat abilities that they perform round-to-round (thereby negating the boredom fix).

Consequences

This is my personal favorite alternative.

A consequence, like a cost, is a "Yes, but" that disincentivizes an option or changes how a player thinks about using that option. There are two major differences between a cost and a consequence:

Costs are always negative in nature (you are spending something as part of doing something), consequences can be but aren't necessarily negative.

Costs always lead to a state that acts as a hard limit (once the resource is empty, you cannot do the thing), consequences do not directly involve a hard limit.

Two prevalent examples of consequences are taking damage for doing something (such as the Stress generated by Blades in The Dark's flashback mechanic) and gaining / losing affinity with a person or faction (a la Over War: The Night Comes Down).

The primary benefit of implementing a consequence is the interconnection with other mechanics. Costs are relatively self contained—usually only branching out to a currency mechanic, a weight mechanic, or a leveling mechanic at the very most—because the threat of a hard limit somewhere down the line is often enough to change how players approach a specific mechanic or situation on its own; consequences, on the other hand, necessitate an understanding of and interaction with other mechanics in the system because they literally cannot exist without them. If using a specific ability is going to give you a status condition—for example—that status condition inherently affects other mechanics and how you interact with them as well, changing how you think about that ability and its place in your toolset pretty substantially.

As an example, there's a Priest ability in Hollow Halls (my fantasy dungeon crawler) entitled Glimpse The Plan. Glimpse The Plan doubles the user's Believe proficiency (stat used for casting Parable spells), but also afflicts them with the Blind and Afraid statuses (which are both pretty bad). The Priest playtester quickly realized that if he was Afraid all of the time, then he effectively eliminated half of the consequences—and wouldn't ya know it, there's an option to become permanently Afraid at character creation to increase your health.

All of that being said (and my favoritism clearly on display), consequences can suffer from a difficulty of implementation. Some consequences, particularly the taking of damage, are really easy to throw about haphazardly and thereby suffer from the same "limitation of design" problem that hard limits do; but escaping those, adding consequences that are unique and create interesting choices, takes time and care and an awareness of how certain mechanics can and do interact. Even the easier-to-implement consequences can often take a few tries to fine-tune.

Balance

This is simultaneously the simplest and most complicated alternative. To balance something here means to compare an option to other surrounding options, weigh the value of each, and slowly tweak numbers until they're all in line with each other. Generally speaking, the easiest way to do this is to craft an option as a baseline and balance everything else around that option, but there are times where you'll create a more powerful ability that you don't want to change, thereby causing it to become the new baseline and so on and so forth.

This alternative involves a lot of trial and error, a lot of guesswork, a lot of testing, and a willingness to add, remove, and change elements of any given option. It’s time consuming, stressful, and incredibly rewarding. I don’t recommend going pure nitty-gritty numbers-hound in every situation, or even in every game, but—if used properly—this option can create an incredibly healthy and interesting environment of options.

The primary strength of numbers balancing is that you'll probably be doing it at least a little bit anyways. Unless you're part of the "balance is for pussies" crowd, some amount of balance work will be done on every option you introduce into the game. This is kinda just, y'know, the logical extreme of that process.

All three listed alternatives can be used with each other, even on a single mechanic.

Conclusion

I do not think that hard limits are inherently bad. I really need to make it clear that I DO NOT think that you should never use them (as much as that may be suggested by the title of this post). Sometimes you'll be on a serious time crunch, or you won't be able to come up with a suitable alternative, or it's the most thematically or mechanically sound option, so on and so forth. There are instances in which it will be appropriate, or even preferable, to use a hard limit—but that doesn’t make an over-reliance upon them any better for you or the people playing your game.

Honestly, what I want people to take away from this post is very simple: every design decision matters. Even seemingly inconsequential choices with limited impact can have profound effects on an important moment for some of your players, and as such are worth considering carefully.

Self-Promo

Hey, I'm Gio. I run Rotten Shotgun games. If you wanna support me, or keep up to date on my work, you can find me on Itch.io at https://rotten-shotgun-games.itch.io/

Otherwise, I hope y'all have a great night and a great day!

[atombombbibunny]

Love In An Elevator - Austin Butler x Y/N 18+

Summary: A game of 20 questions while stuck in an elevator can only go well, right?

Pairings: Austin Butler - Y/N

AN: Hi hi this is my first super smutty thing I've ever written so sorry if its crap, also its unedited cause i just want it out already.

Warnings: Please please please! If you are not over 18 DNI, I do check and I do block. unprotected sex (stay safe plz) handjob, breeding kink? some smutty questions.

words: 2738

Love in an elevator

The first time you had sex it was sweet and slow; it was passionate and hot. He showed you what to do, how to move, he played music in the background and lit candles

The second time was the complete opposite.

You were leaving your apartment with your friend Austin, the two of you decided to meet up early at your place before going to see some other friends. Once you got into the elevator you pressed the button for the garage. “I’m telling you we’re only two blocks from the place.” Austin argued as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned his whole body against the wall. The doors closed while you rolled your eyes. “And I’m telling you, its way too hot outside for me to walk anywhere.” The elevator began to move.

Austin sucked his teeth and scoffed at your dramatics. Before you had a chance to remind him of the time, he dragged you to Disneyland on the hottest day of the year causing you to pass out the elevator lurched before coming to a complete stop. Austin stood his calm demeanor gone.

“Oh you have got to be kidding.” You groaned, you continued to press the emergency button whilst taking your phone out of your purse, only to be met with no service. “Oh my god, this is like something out of a movie.” You sighed rubbing a hand on your face, trying to hold back your panic.

Austin touched your arm getting you to stop mashing the button that rang out an annoying ring. “Hey, hey, its going to be alright. You hit that button at least 50 times.” You let out a light laugh. “I’m sure someone is on their way." He reassured.

You released the breath you didn’t realize you were holding and dropped your shoulders. “You’re right, you’re right.” You agreed. Austin stepped around the whole elevator, you silently moved out of his way as he sized the small space up.

“Wanna play 20 questions?” You tilted your head and raised and eyebrow. “What are we 14?” Austin began to sit on the floor. “No.” He dragged out. “But we will be here for a bit, and it will kill some time.” He motioned for you to sit across from him. You sighed and sat down crossing your legs. “You start.” You ordered as you looked around the small enclosure.

Austin went back to being calm in an attempt to keep you calm and relaxed. “Alright, what your biggest fear?” You laughed as you motioned around you. “This.” Austin stuck out his lip and pouted slightly, you chuckled. “Oh course being with you helps.” Austin smirked before nodding towards you. “You’re turn.”

It went like this for a while, asking the basic clean questions before the two of you ran out of niceties. Austin was a lot more sexually active than you, that didn’t mean you weren’t dirty minded. “You’re telling me you’ve never gotten off to a movie scene?” You gaped; Austin shook his head while laughing. “No, was I supposed to, am I not truly a man?”

You giggled. “Come on, wedding crashers had some steamy scenes” You announced before realizing what you were saying, a smirk spread across Austin’s face. “Was that on yours?” Your face completely flushed. “Is that the question for your turn?” You asked hoping he would drop it. “No.” Austin said all to quickly. “what’s your definition of great sex?” you could feel your face getting hotter, maybe it was just getting hot in this small space, you could see a tinge of red on Austin’s cheeks as well. You swallowed hard before letting the truth slide out. “Well, I’ve only really had sex once.” You mutter as you look away.

You weren’t very open about your sexual activity, not many friends knew you were a virgin till a year ago, and that though you enjoyed the sex you felt like you wasted that time. The previous man hurt you terrible not long later. You knew virginity was something created to keep girls from having a lot of sex, but you still thought it was a special occasion, only to get your heart shattered.

Austin continued to open and close his mouth; you knew you made things awkward, but he was the one who asked.

“Same question?” You asked attempting to fill the silence but also unable to think of a new question. Austin stammered for a second before answering. “I guess, I love passion that turns into burning skin and all you can hear is each others breathing, touching each other everywhere you can grab.” His eyes burned into your face as you watched him explain, you breath became heavy, and you wanted to curse being stuck in the elevator but couldn’t.

“Dirty talk is a good addition as well.” He joked his eyes filling with a smile, you let out a laugh. You were happy he was the one to break the thick tension that was building. You checked your phone to see it had already been an hour. “When it someone going to get here?” You muttered putting your phone back, your heart began to pound. “What if no one comes?” You looked at Austin to see him already shifting to sit next to you. “Whoa, its okay. These things take time, we’ll be alright.” He placed his hand over yours.

He was a bit scared inside, but it would never be something he’d show. He needed to keep you relaxed.  

You closed your eyes and tried to breathe properly to calm your heart rate.

“You’ve really only had sex once?” you heard Austin ask beside you, you opened one eye to look at him. “What? Why is that so bad?” Austin raised his hands removing it from your hand. “Woah, never said it was.” He defended. “Its just.” You cocked and eyebrow at him. “Just?” Austin motioned to you. “You’re you.” You opened both eyes to laugh at him. “What does that even mean?” You argued.

Austin let out a light chuckle. “Come one Y/N, you’ve seen you in a mirror, right?” You felt your heart beat a little faster, this time for a different reason. “Shut up.” You mock laughing still. “I’m serious, but whatever don’t take the compliment. Your turn.” He said attempting to get back to the game.

You glanced around the elevator. “Ever do it in an elevator?” Austin threw his head back in laughter. “No.” You smiled at him. “What about in public in general?” He shook his head at you. “That’s two questions, you’re breaking the rules.” You snickered “We’re also way past 20 questions, I think the rules don’t apply anymore.” Austin smiled at you before dropping his head. “Yeah, in public I have.”

His answer wasn’t exactly expected, it had a tingle run up your spine. “Where?” you breathed out, Austin turned to face you to see your shocked but curious expression. He wanted to taunt you for your curiosity but decided against it. “It was just a bathroom on a set once.” You nodded like you could relate to him. “I think it would be pretty interesting to do it in an elevator though.” He added and your stomach flipped. “Yeah?” You could barely contain yourself with his answer, crossing your legs over each other.

“Yeah.” He looked around before he landed back on you, you couldn’t help yourself as you closed the small space between the two of you, your lips landing on his. It wasn’t the perfect kiss, his mouth was slightly open, but God his lips were as soft as always you dreamed.

You pulled back shocked at your own actions. “Austin, I-“ Your lips were quickly pulled into a hard kiss, his hands reaching to rest on your cheeks. His lips covered yours as he held you close to him; your mind was swirling.

“Austin.” You muttered on his lips in between kisses, he hummed. “What are we doing?” You asked, barely a whisper. “What come natural.” He answered before lightly nipping at your bottom lip, you shuddered at the bite, you weren’t fully aware of your movements till you were crawling into his lap straddling him.

“We’re being stupid.” You say inching as close to him as possible. His hands landed on your hips, gripping you hard as his lips moved from your jaw to your neck. “Can’t argue with that.” He growled against your sensitive skin causing you to gasp, your hands gripped his wrists and your hips ground down against him.

Austin let out a low groan at the feeling of your grinding on his, his head resting against your shoulder, his hands moved with you encouraging you to continue. You could feel how hard he was through his jeans, and you couldn’t help the small moan the escaped your lips, feeling yourself get wet at the knowledge that you were the one doing this to him.

“Y/N” He muttered against your shoulder. You pulled back to take him in, his lips were red and swollen, his hair a mess and his eyes were darker. Your heart pounded in your chest as you pulled your shirt off, his eyes widened as he took you in, on hand leaving your hip to massage your breast, his fingers grazing inside to swipe your nipple, you head fell back at the feeling of his fingers.

His other and moved to the button of your shorts, all you could do was watch and it popped open, you lifted your let instinctively helping him in the process of sliding it of your leg. Your breath was heavy as you lowered your hands to undo his pants, fiddling with the button and zipper. Austin watched you this time completely taken in by your movements before his hand landed in your hair, pushing you back to his lips, it was heavy his tongue forcing its way into your mouth. You gripped his shirt tightly as you rested your core back against his member.

It was pulsating against you causing you to moan into your kiss, you pulled back from him your confidence growing slightly as you pulled back his waistband, setting his cock free. It was big, bigger than what you had, had in the past. It twitched and all you could do was stare at it. Austin was breathless as his finger looped into your panties and pulled them down.

Lifting you let once more allowing them to slide down one leg, you looked at him, his pupils were blown as you placed your hand around his large shaft, he hissed at the contact at first before letting his head fall back on the wall. “Y/N. fuck.” He groaned, you began to slide your hand up and down. You wanted nothing more but to taste him, but you didn’t know how much time you had with him in here. You leaned back up to position yourself over him but before you could move to much Austin’s thumb moved to press against your clit.

You let out a loud moan from the feeling of his finger on your bundle of nerves, one finger slid between your wet lips. “Fuck, you’re this wet for me?” he asked, your head dropped forward, his other hand cupped your still covered breast, his fingers fighting to get in to roll your nipple in between his fingers. “Oh god.” You groaned out your teeth clenching together in pleasure. Your voice was barely a whisper as you leaned towards his ear. “Austin, fuck me.” You begged as you forced your hips forward guiding his cock through your slick folds, you could feel his precum slid over you.

Austin let out a guttural groan as he positioned himself at your entrance, he paused for a second, capturing you lips with his once more as he placed a hand on your lower back, moving you to press onto him. You feel as his tip slide into you, your wall clenching around him as you let out a whine, trying to adjust to his size. “Austin.” You gasp.

Austin pressed gentle kisses into the hot skin of your neck. “Mm, I know.” He was trying to comfort you, his mind going blank as you sunk onto him slowly. “Fuck, you’re really tight.” His hand moved from you back, back your waist were he squeezed hard. You sink a bit more, taking in a sharp breath realizing he’s still not fully in you. “Hurts a bit.” You muttered, the pleasure luckily being more than the pain.

“Not used to such a big cock hey?” you felt yourself clench at his words. “N-no” you respond, your hands tightly gripped his shirt as he finally bottomed out inside you, you both let out breath moans, your hand running up into his hair and gripping it. “Oh fuck.” Austin utterers feeling you tighten against him. He wants nothing more but to go animalistic on you, but he holds back.

You let out a needy whine as you attempt to move. “Help me, Austin.” You plead the coil in your stomach tightening at the full feeling. Austin lifts you up a bit as he slides down to the ground a bit more before gripping your hips with both hands, almost lifting you completely off of him before handing you slide back down. The feeling of him completely filling you out almost becomes unbearable as he moves you slowly a few more times.

Soon he thrusts up into you, meeting you as you slide down his cock. You throw your head back in complete pleasure as he hits a spot that feelings like heaven, he beings to speed up his movements till all you can hear is the slapping of skin as your breasts bounce with each thrust. You close your eyes gripping at his chest. “Talk to me.” You cry. Austin groans at your request, his fingers squeezing you tighter, most likely leaving bruises. “Fuck, you’re doing so good.” He tells you, his tip kissing your cervix sending a bit a of pain down your back, only making you love this more.

“You were made to take my cock; your pussy was made just for me.” He says thrusting into you harder, losing his control and fucking up into you as hard as he can. You can barely keep track of your breathing. “Wanna cum in this pussy, wanted to for so fucking long.” He confesses catching you off guard as you watch his eyes fill with lust, the bright blue of his eyes almost completely gone. “Austin.” You whisper as you feel yourself tighten around him. “P-please cum in me.” You beg, the coil feels so tight like it will burst at any second. Austin groans loudly and growls at your acceptance, his thumb finds his way to your clit again rubbing shapes against you.

You let out a scream as you body shakes. “A-Austin, God. I’m going to cum.” Austin’s hand slides up to your ribs, his hand exploring every inch of you. “Yes baby, cum on my cock.” With his permission you lose yourself in your orgasm as it tips over, your hands bundle as your knuckles turn white, you whole body spasms as constant waves hit your cunt, you feel yourself pulse around his cock only bringing you more pleasure. Austin loses himself at the feeling of you cumming around him and his thrust begin to get messier but harder, you swear you can feel him in your stomach as he presses himself into you as much as possible. Hot streaks fill your pussy as his cock pulses in you, “God dammit baby.” He growls as he empties himself into your cunt.

Almost like magic the elevator surges and begins to move again, you quickly climbed off of Austin, dressing yourself as he laid there attempting to get his breathing steady, you could feel his cum sliding down your leg as you stood up. Austin quickly did his pants back up as the elevator continued to move down. He stood before cornering you to press soft kisses against your lips and ears.

The doors finally opened to the garage but before you could move to leave Austin pressed the button to your floor. “If you think I’m done with you already, you’re out of your mind.” He growled into your ear as the doors closed once more.

[misc-obeyme]

congratulations on 500!!

I absolutely love your writing and have been meaning to send in a request haha, so is it okay if I request satan with the prompt silence?

thank you if you do it, and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡

Hi there, anon!

I'm so glad you've been enjoying my writing and decided to make a request! I love Satan and this was fun to write!

Thank you for participating!

GN!MC x Satan with prompt Silence

Warnings: none!

It had been a long day at the House of Lamentation. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong did. You were in the common room with the brothers where you had all been subjected to over an hour of lecturing from Lucifer. He had finally gone back to his office, leaving you all to your own devices.

The rest of the brothers began to engage in their usual activities. You were sitting beside Satan, who was engrossed in a new detective novel.

Things were peaceful for only a few moments before Mammon and Levi started arguing about something. It wasn't long before things got heated and somehow Asmo got pulled into the argument. They went back and forth, the noise level of the room steadily increasing as each of them got more annoyed with each other.

You could see Satan's eye twitching, even though he was clearly trying to ignore them and focus on his book.

You knew you couldn't just sit by and let Satan explode, which seemed inevitable at this point. You put a hand on his knee, which caused him to look at you.

"C'mon," you said. "It's getting noisy in here. Let's go read in your room."

You watched as he tried to fight the blush that crept onto his face. "Whatever you like, MC."

You took his hand and pulled him out of the room. The others continued to argue as you left them behind.

Satan didn't speak as you guided him to his room. This was a good location because the others generally knew better than to disturb him here.

You sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him. "Wasn't there a book you wanted me to read?"

"There are many books I think you should read," he said. "But if you mean the one I was talking about earlier, then yes, I have it right here." He turned to a stack of books, taking one off the top and bringing it over to you.

You took the book he offered, smiling as it was very clearly a book you would enjoy. Satan had taken the time to get to know your reading style and the kind of books you liked most. Now he always had the best recommendations for you.

The two of you settled back on Satan's bed. He sat up against some pillows with you between his legs, leaning back against him. He wrapped one arm around your waist, holding you close while he held his book in his other hand. The two of you sat in silence for some time, both of you content in your reading.

A slight shifting of fabric reached your ears as Satan set his book down so he could put his other arm around you. He pulled you in closer, pressing his face into your neck.

"You knew I was about to lose control earlier, didn't you?" he asked quietly, his voice slightly muffled.

"It's been a long day," you said casually. "I was about to lose it myself."

Satan laughed shortly. "You don't have to pretend," he said. "I know I make your job more difficult."

You put your book down and twisted around in his arms so you were on your knees in front of him. He looked up at you with an unreadable expression.

You held his face in your hands. "You don't make my job any more difficult than any of your brothers do. You've said that being with me makes you feel calm. Do you have any idea what that means to me?"

Satan's grip on your waist tightened. "I…" he began to say, but trailed off. He seemed uncertain how to say what he was feeling.

You smiled, shook your head, and kissed him. Satan pulled you into him, holding you against his body as he kissed you back. One hand left your waist, trailing up your back to end up tangled in your hair.

Satan seemed to find it much easier to show you how he felt and he made it very clear as a different type of silence filled the room.

the original prompt list

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

Answer Honestly

Click here for my masterlist.

Prompts -  “Ever heard of the 36 Questions that lead to love?”

From the moment you’d been called into your bosses’ office in the States and told you were relocating to Columbia to assist the DEA in capturing Pablo Escobar every day was hectic. There was always something happening, a new lead, a new dead end, a new body, a new bombing. Between proving that you could work just as well as the men on the team and the constant disappointment of always being a step behind Escobar you were exhausted and were glad for the short period when Escobar disappeared.

The silence from Escobar felt like a victory in itself. From what you understood the man had very few supporters left, even the people of Colombia seemed to turn away from him as the days went by. Just because Escobar was hiding away and trying to plan his next move didn’t mean the DEA didn’t have work to do, a steady number of anonymous calls still poured in but the workload had definitely eased up for the first time since you’d joined the hunt for Escobar. 

Which left more room for you to sit at your desk which Steve had shoved into the room to rest against both his and Javier’s. 

The bickering and arguing had always been a constant sound whenever you and Javier where in the same room as each other but since Escobar wasn’t active the sound became a more regular occurrence that lasted until the end of your shifts as you didn’t leave the building as much as you did when you were following leads.

The arguments with Javier always began over nothing, there was never any real heat behind the words you threw at each other. Sure the two of you had rubbed each other the wrong way since you’d arrived in Colombia but at the end of the day, despite the glares and angry words, you had each other’s back. 

Plus fighting with Javier was so enjoyable, you couldn’t help but provoke him and push him into fighting with you, watching as his fist clenched and he took a step closer to you…you might not like the man but even you couldn’t deny he was attractive.

“Where’s Steve?” You asked as Javier sat down in his seat, leaning back and rolling his eyes at you.

“Good morning to you too,” he grumbled, hands coming up to rest on his chest, “he’s following a lead.”

The words caused you to perk up. It wasn’t like you weren’t glad for Escobar’s silence but you really weren’t cut out for sitting at your desk all day, you were meant to be out there taking out the bad guys.

“Don’t get too excited, we already know it’s not leading anywhere.” And just as quickly as you’d sat up you were slouching in your seat again, a huff leaving you as you pulled a magazine close to you and flicked it onto a random page.

Javier had yet to take his eyes off you and watched the exact moment your face shifted from boredom to a look that usually meant Javier was about to be annoyed. He barely suppressed a sigh as you grinned over at him, sitting a little straighter in your chair.

“Hey Javi, would you like to be famous?” You asked him, causing him to look at you questioningly.

“What?” He asked when it became clear you weren’t going to say anything else. 

“Just answer the question,” You told him, laying the magazine on the desk as you leaned your elbows against it, turning your body towards him, “Do you want to be famous?”

“No.” He finally gave in, causing your grin to widen.

“Really?” You asked and watched as Javier rolled his eyes again. “I think it’d be kinda fun, no?”

“Why are you asking me if I want to be famous?” He asked but you ignored him and looked back to the magazine. 

“Ok, here’s a good one, tell me something you like about me.” You said, eyes shifting to lock with his and smiling as you saw his face, looking at you with his usual level of annoyance. 

“You’re gonna be waiting a long time for that answer.” Javier said, causing you to roll your eyes at him. 

“Come on,” you said, a slight whine in your tone, “just answer the questions. I’m bored and wanna see if it works.”

“See if what works?” Javier asked again, hands moving to grab the magazine but you pulled it back just before he could.

“Ever heard of the 36 questions that lead to love?” You asked him, grinning at the unimpressed look you received as an answer. “It’s meant to make two strangers fall in love with each other, I wanna see if it’ll work on us.”

“You want to fall in love with me?” Javier said with a smirk, tone immediately more flirty than it ever was when talking to you and you rolled your eyes at him.

“Obviously not, I want you to fall madly in love with me so that I can break your heart,” You told him, watching as he nodded along unbelievingly but you ignored him and continued, “Now, tell me something you like about me.”

There was a long pause, the silence stretching out as Javier looked at you, as if he were actually considering his answer. You didn’t look away from his stare, just raised an eyebrow at him and waited to see if he was capable of giving you a genuine answer…of saying something nice about you.

“I like your determination.” He finally told you, voice steady even if he didn’t look entirely comfortable at his own honesty and when you eyebrows knitted together he expanded on his answer without meaning to. “Your very first day, you walked through those doors and made it clear you weren’t just a pretty face for the office, you were an agent who was here to do a job.”

Another silence passed between the two of you before Javier cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Pretty sure you’re supposed to say something nice about me now.” He told you, gesturing to the magazine in your hands and you nodded though you were as silent for as long as Javier had been. 

It wasn’t hard to come up with reasons you liked Javier, despite the fact you could count the number of genuine conversations you’d had with the man on one hand and all the others had been mostly arguments you weren’t denying he was a good person. The arguments weren’t serious and even with them, hell mostly because of them, you had actually started liking Javier as you spent more time with him.

“You care about people,” You said, frowning at your own words as they didn’t seem enough and like him you elaborated. “If somebody you cared about was in danger you’d do everything you could to make sure they were safe but it's not even just that, you know? Like that time we were fighting and I stormed off and ended up with that broken ankle,” the sound of Javier’s chuckle caused you to finally look up at him, a smile on his face as he recalled the day you were talking about, “we were pissed as hell at each other but you still took me to the hospital and stayed with me the whole time.”

“I kept speaking to you in Spanish because you couldn’t understand it and you were too caught up arguing with me that you didn’t even focus on the pain.” A surprised look spread across your face as you finally understood why he had barely spoken in English the whole drive to the hospital. “¿Próxima pregunta? (Next question?)” He asked with a smirk tugging at his lips and you grinned without meaning to.

“Si fuéramos a ser amigos cercanos, ¿qué es una cosa que deberíamos saber sobre la otra? (If we were to be close friends, what is one thing we should know about each other?)” You asked, watching as his smirk grew into a smile as you answered in perfect Spanish.

“I’m stubborn-” You answered first, glaring as Javier cut you off with a sarcastic scoff.

“You stubborn?” He asked, grin on his face as you rolled the magazine up and reached over to whack his arm.

“But I have the best intentions, even if it doesn’t always work out right.” Javier’s face seemed to soften at your answer as he could only stare at you for a moment before shaking his head and answering you himself.

“I’m a mess,” He admitted, voice quieter than it had been moments before, “sometimes the weight of everything we do, the weight of what we see feels like it’s gonna suffocate me.”

Just as Javier had softened at your answer you did the same with his, eyes widening a tiny bit as a soft smile spread across your face, nodding in understanding at his words, knowing first hand just how overwhelming the job was some days.

“We’ll catch him.” You said just as softly as he had spoken and his eyes shifted so they were looking directly into yours, seeing how much you meant those words.

“Yeah, I know we will.” He told you after a moment of silence passed between you.

After sharing another smile Javier prompted you to ask another question and then another one and another one until the two of you had somehow drifted closer to each other, the magazine now spread out in front of the two of you as you made your way through the questions. You and Javier confessing your most embarrassing moments, admitting to the last time you’d cried and sharing stories of your families and your upbringing. 

People glanced over at the pair of you, the sight of the two of you leaning into each other, both laughing and smiling and not a nasty word to be heard was an unusual sight, one nobody in the office could ever recall seeing. 

You and Javier remained completely oblivious to the reactions of your colleagues, both too caught up in each other, trading answers with each other and finding it hard to believe how much you wanted to know the answer to questions about Javier’s family or what his most treasured memory was.

Despite realising it you were having the most genuine conversation with Javier Peña you had ever had. Hell Javier thought this might have been the most real conversation he’d had with anyone ever and was shocked by how much he wanted you to know his story, by how much he wanted to know yours, completely hooked on every word you had to say and committing the words to memory. 

There had always been something beyond the heated arguments and words thrown carelessly between the two of you, something beyond the looks disguised as glares but neither of you would have admitted it. Neither of you even acknowledged it, refusing to look for a deeper meaning to a routine that had become a comfort, a constant thing you could count on considering how fast things could change given your line of work. 

“Última pregunta. (Last question.)” Javier said, his eyes moving from the pages in front of you to look into your eyes, hating that this moment was about to end and you’d go back to hating each other.

“For what in your life do you feel most grateful?” You asked and there was a sadness to your tone too, not knowing if you could forget this afternoon and carry on fighting the man before you.

Javier hesitated, an answer on the tip of his tongue but unsure whether he could force the words out. They were true, he knew they were but before today would never have even thought to say them. If he didn’t say them though he was damning himself to a life of pretending, pretending to hate you, pretending his feelings weren’t there. He was exhausted with the job weighing down on him, he didn’t want another weight added to the already unmanageable one on his shoulders. 

“Meeting you.” He confessed finally, the second the words left his lips he knew there was no taking them back but he found he didn’t care, he didn’t want to take them back, didn’t want them to be a secret. “Meeting you is the thing I’m most grateful for.”

You couldn’t do anything but stare at Javier. For so long the two of you fought, you argued, you snapped and glared at each other but underneath that you cared for each other. You knew without a doubt that you would take a bullet for him, knew he would take one just as quickly for you. You knew that if anything ever happened to him you’d be crushed, knew it would feel like you were losing a bit of yourself. 

It was like the feelings had always been there, hidden under the surface never to be looked at and yet somehow, with a few questions, those feelings were on full display for anyone to see and you weren’t even mad. Sure you were scared as hell as to what would happen between you and Javier but you didn’t regret that it was out in the open, in fact with the line of work the two of you were in you welcomed the small slice of happiness that could come from this conversation.

“I’m grateful we had this conversation.” You told him, voice quiet and any noise from around the office fading out as Javier shot you a shy smile that you easily returned, feeling your cheeks heat up as Javier placed his hand on yours and gave it a soft squeeze.

“Who would’ve thought some questions from a damn magazine would be the thing to get us talking?” Javier said and it was like those were the magic words to settle the nerves as you let out a laugh, Javier laughing along with you and memorising the way your face shifted and lit up as you laughed, a warm feeling in his chest at being the one to draw that reaction from you.

“So are you in love with me yet?” You asked with a grin that nearly took Javier’s breath away.

“Why?” He asked, the smile on his lips so wide it almost ached, “¿Aún quieres romperme el corazón? (Do you still want to break my heart?)”

Your grin shifted in a soft smile as you shook your head, watching as Javier’s eyes shifted to your lips but he shook his head too and brushed his thumb across your knuckles.

“Can I take you out this weekend?” He asked you, nervous bubbling in his chest, the kind of nerves he hadn’t had for many years.

A few hours ago the thought of Javier Peña going on a date would have been laughable, this man didn’t do dates, he didn’t do commitment, he did fast hookups and not much else and yet you trusted him not to use you for nothing more than sex. It was easy to believe his intentions for a date were true when he was looking at you with a nervous smile and soft eyes.

“Pick me up a seven.” You told him and he grinned at you as he nodded, squeezing your hand one last time before you were both interrupted.

“Pablo Escobar was spotted at the airport,” Steve said causing both your heads to snap over to him at the new information but then you watched him slump down in his chair and huff out and annoyed breath, “Of course he wasn’t but I still had to run through the whole damn airport just to check. Hope you two had a better day than I did.”

You and Javier both looked away from Steve and shot each other a look that turned into twin smiles causing Steve to raise an eyebrow as he looked between the two of you before his eyes landed on your joined hands.

“A much better day by the looks of it.” He grinned and you laughed as Javier rolled his eyes but he didn’t pull away from you as he slouched back in his seat, quickly changing the conversation to work as you sat mostly in silence, sneaking glances at Javier as he spoke, a smile playing on your lips as you counted down the hours until your date.

Who would have thought it would only take thirty six questions for you to fall for Javier Peña?

_________

Javier Peña Taglist -

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[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

Ben being a source of jealousy for Colin will be something that Pen will be aware? I can see your Penelope using that information.

Also, can you elaborate more on why/how Colin escalated a mention of a 'random' name to be something of to be concerned? I don't remember the chapter, but it was at a ball and I'm pretty sure that's what Colin said to Penelope after she told him that Anthony and Benedict danced with her and he punctuated to her that Ben was married but totally dismissed Anthony because he wasn't of his concern.

Camarlez!! Grateful for the ask <3<3 All the infinite love xx

SMB Colin has… issues. They haven't really come across or been explored/highlighted cause I'm breadcrumbing for the future. SMB is definitely an AU series and I am taking my time building it.

I'm trying my best to focus on SMB Polin's relationship. So things aren't really going to start rolling until after Maccasfield ball (because if you remember book timelines we're very close to the LW discovery).

I will say that when it comes to Authority, SMB Colin accepts and respects Anthony as an authority figure. Ben…mmh it's a bit of a toss-up. Colin has had a bit of a one-sided unspoken rivalry since childhood toward Ben since Edmund died and it has a lot to do with Eloise. Poor Ben is a victim of circumstance tbh when it comes to Colin's ridiculous jealousy and complex. (You're absolutely right that Pen uses this against Colin when it suits her).

As I mentioned before (seriously need to update the tags) UNRELIABLE NARRATORS! I keep picking and choosing what to share and phrasing things a certain way on purpose to keep the mystery and tension going. (Although I know I gotta start writing answers soon lol. This is just dragging at this point). I really wanted SMB to be a story readers could re-read over and over again and discover something knew they didn't think to consider the last time they read it (ambitious, I know, but I'm trying)

I think the chapter & scene you're referring to was for Violet's bday and it was Polin's first dance since Colin returned from Greece (?) [SMB Chapter Two]

Let me explain my writing choices & intentions:

So when Pen says Colin is no longer obligated to dance with her. Colin was triggered cause in his head it translated to 'I don't need you/ I'm not interested in entertaining you anymore'. One could argue it was the first time she ever dismissed him (unintentionally but Colin is a moody boy and an extremist). Despite her agreeing to the dance, it's too late, his mind is going wild with theories about why she didn't immediately say yes. (Which is why his reaction to her saying 'Why' after he said 'Marry me' might make a little more sense)

During the dance we're reading from Penelope's pov, and all she understands is Colin being weird and having mood swings that eventually annoyed her. If we were reading from Colin's pov, the scene would be entirely different. How? Well, they're physically close while dancing and Colin is noticing all kinds of things about Penelope and his brain is like 'If I'm seeing her like this, who else has?'. BOOM!! Jealous Colin ACTIVATED.

When Pen has enough of his mood and tries to leave after the dance… BOOM!! Possessive Colin Activated.

When he crowds her and demands she tells him who she dances with when he's out of the country, Pen begins her sentence by mentioning Ben's name… BOOM!! Jealous & Possessive Colin enters the red-level danger zone. (Is that Controlling Colin possibly being activated !?!)

You might be wondering: But Why is Colin more threatened by Ben than Anthony when it comes to Penelope?

I remind you of my statement earlier. Colin has had a bit of a one-sided unspoken rivalry since childhood toward Ben since Edmund died and it has a lot to do with Eloise. Poor Ben is a victim of circumstance tbh when it comes to Colin's ridiculous jealousy and complex.

Anthony is the eldest of them all and Colin respects him 100% for it. He doesn't fight against Anthony's decisions as the head of the family (Anthony is the Alpha of their pack if we go wolf pack mentality). Ben tho? Ben doesn't want to be the leader or decision-maker. Ben wants to paint. (I'm leaning more toward the show for Ben's characterization cause I haven't read his book). Ben likes being the easy-going second-born and Colin can't help but envy Ben for knowing exactly what he wants to do in life. Boom!! Inferiority Complex Colin has appeared.

If Ben weren't his brother, Colin probably would have done something horrible to make him disappear. When Eloise wants to really hurt Colin when she's pissed at him or he's pushed her too far, she uses Ben to dig at Colin. (It works every time). That's not to say that Colin hates Ben, he loves his brother as deeply as he does all his treasured ones.

But Colin struggles with tempering his envy and jealousy towards Ben the most out of his siblings. Why? Because Ben knows his purpose. And over the years, Colin has noticed that after him, Benedict is the second male presence Penelope is comfortable enough to be around. (Of course, this is again a bit of Eloise's fault because Ben & Eloise are as close as Showverse and well Penelope really took a shine to Sophie)

I'm gonna stop here, but gawds have I enjoyed sharing where my brain was when writing these scenes. Thank you so much for the ask (I hope I answered it lol) and hopefully this satisfied :)

My ask is always open.

<3

[xx-slug-xx]

(Aroallo anon) “you’re the one making things into rigid boxes” followed up by “tight and narrow definition”… come on… they really typed that out and didn’t think it through.

Look, what I’m about to say is said from the perspective of someone who’s never actually felt any romantic interest in anyone and is repulsed by it even if amatonormativity taught me I had to force myself to try it anyway AND from the perspective of someone who has at one point wondered if he was ace-spec and eventually concluded he wasn’t. If you wanna abandon boxes, you gotta allow people whose experiences are slightly different from your own but still closer to yours than not into your community. If someone is 30 and has only ever experienced sexual attraction to anyone twice and both were people they were close to, their experiences are going to be much closer to an asexual who’s never felt attraction in their life ever than it is to an allosexual who can go to a nightclub and find five people hot as hell to flirt with that night OR to an allosexual who thinks people are hot on a fairly regular basis but does nothing about that because they’re “saving themselves for marriage as Jesus intended uwu”. Asexuals and demisexuals have a lot more in common than demisexuals and allosexuals do. Having them in ace-spec spaces doesn’t threaten the community but enriches it. I have more in common with a demiromantic because even if that demiromantic has had like one crush ever in their life while being in their late 20s like me, they still have probably felt the crushing weight of “so when are you gonna get married” and “why won’t you give John Doe a chance” and not relating to romance media but feeling romance shoved in your face everywhere.

And it doesn’t escape me that this started over you being aegosexual. Correct me if I’m wrong, and I’m a little worried I’m gonna offend with this but not so badly I can’t just learn and move on if I do, but isn’t that basically “attracted to no one but still likes porn”? That’s just ace but with a little extra going on. Reminds me of how many lesbians will still enjoy porn of gay men. Or gay men who watch porn with women in it. Those lesbians are still lesbians. Those gay men are still gay men. No one is kicking them out of their communities. It doesn’t make sense to me to kick aces out of the ace community for this. At this point the other anon is not just policing the experiences you can have and still be ace but also policing the behavior of aces. There’s no point to this and nothing to be gained, only something valuable to lose. Eating each other is not gonna make the aphobes like us better. I just do not understand why this has to be a Thing.

Anon, you are very correct on everything you’ve said, and I’m glad you could put it into words better than I could. This argument is so dumb at this point and I’m honestly surprised that people are still going with it. I don’t even know what they are trying to gain from something like this tbh. It’s just harassment at this point and honestly, I’m just mildly annoyed about it lol. It’s so stupid.

What’s the point of policing who can say they are asexual when there’s people all over the world who are actively being killed because they aren’t cishet? Anons and such who keep arguing and gatekeeping the terms others can use seem to have forgotten that homophobes and transphobes want us to be divided amongst each other so that they can “weed out the good ones from the bad”. There are no good or bad folks in the lgbtq+ community to them, because we’re all bad to them. They do not care about stupid shit like who has the right to call themselves ace, or really, any lgbtq+ identity. People like the exclusionists anons are worrying about things that are, ultimately, counterproductive, and it’s what the people who are against us want. When we fight about stupid stuff like this, it also causes us to make no progress in society. It holds us back and causes us to be unaware of what’s going on in the world when it comes to lgbtq+ equality.

And to confirm your statement, yeah, I’m aegosexual and it basically means that I can watch porn and all that. I just have no desire to do that in real life lmao. Porn and thinking about things using my imagination are the only times I truly feel any sort of sexual attraction. My experience is so distant from that of allosexuals and I have never related to sexual attraction in the same way that they have. Might have people call me a “porn addict” for that. If they do, then I don’t think I really care because porn addiction doesn’t actually exist and I don’t care about the opinions of people who use any sort of addiction that they think is real as an insult. If porn addiction was real, then it would be just as serious as drug or alcohol addiction, and people would be treating it as such. Plus, “porn addiction” is actually nothing more than purity culture rhetoric, and I’ll laugh my ass off if the “demisexuality is purity culture” anon try’s to say that porn addiction is real and harmful lol

[crim-bat]

Poe Dameron is Always Right

Pretty frequently in the sequel Trilogy of Star Wars we see that he is framed as being the one that's in the wrong or at least the one who's always argued about being in the wrong a by other characters.

But when you actually examine what's going on you can kind of see that for the most part he's normally right about things. Let me explain.

In the force awakens we don't really see enough of his character to really establish this character trait. We see enough to know he's a very confident commander and an even more confident pilot. He is a magician behind the stick of an X-Wing and in fact most ships you can pilot

In the last jedi, we start to see that him being wrong is very much an informed trait. Those bombers that got destroyed in the start of the movie? They had already set up their attack. Turning back probably would have caused all of them to be destroyed anyway without them actually doing anything to the enemy. He made a Command Decision and not only was it the right tactical decision but given that it gave them one less massive Star Destroyer to worry about in the upcoming Chase sequence of the movie he was also Vindicated on a strategic level.

But the movie framesman is being wrong. He's demoted from Commander to Captain (which is bullshit because captain is a higher naval rank and commander doesn't exist as a rank in a branch where he'd have been promoted to general but Star Wars is bad at military ranks ik ik) by Leia for pressing the attack. But the only way he's in the wrong here isn't because it was the wrong tactical or strategic decision. It wasn't. It was because of insubordination which is kind of fair

The next we see him clash with authority is with vice admiral holdo and she opens up hostilities like a turbo laser. The first thing he does is ask for Direction on what they're doing next because even if he is just a captain he is still one of the senior officers on board and that is a very fair thing to ask the now acting Commander of the fleet that's being torn apart. So she tells him to just follow orders which he just asked for and didn't get

The movie frames him is being a hot head and just wanting to fight. But that's not really how it's framed for most of the movie. Because strategically and tactically he was right to press the attack against the dreadnaught. And he only expresses his need to engage the enemy and fight when he sees that they are refueling the transports which is a very dumb character decision tbh. Like obviously there's no way they could fight against the ships chasing them at that point and the first time he's actually wrong in the movie it feels like a forced wrongness rather than an informed rockness. Him being wrong never feels both natural and accurate

Then we come to the rise of Skywalker where the real fun begins. I just rolled my eyes by the way. Because we see him open up with hyperspace skipping which is bad for the falcon, which makes sense because it's an older ship and I have no idea how it's still active at this point other than faith and duct tape, and he immediately gets lambasted by the main character. But he was still right to do it because those were hyperspace capable Tie fighters which is kind of a typical. So he gets points for being right or being prepared for a hyperspace Pursuit after what happened last movie when the basic premise of his side of it was being pursued through hyperspace

And then you have him leading the resistance fleet to exogol for final stand against a new empire. This was after Rey decided to just rush headfirst into a problem she had no idea how to handle (standard Star Wars mc flaw, not an indictment of her character to be fair). And honestly? He didn't really have much of a choice because there was almost no better opportunity because the opportunities to do this were only getting worse

All this to say. Very rarely is p

Poe Dameron in the wrong. He might be annoying about it sometimes. But Poe is almost always right on a strategic or tactical level but he only ever gets black or push back on it.

Anyways stan Poe Dameron

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

Excuse me while I vent a minute. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this…

Socializing is such a PAIN.

This week I spent a while around someone, and I was surprised how miserable I was afterwards.

I wish I could explain it. It was all amiable and the person didn’t need to hang around talking to me. I’m sure they would have been happier off doing their normal life rather than stuck talking to me.

Honestly, though, I felt my words didn’t matter a lot of the time. For instance, I’d be talking and this person would just start browsing Facebook on their phone. I know not being listened to because someone is mucking about online with their phone is normal, but I had never experienced it before. I was surprised how it hurt, and it shouldn’t. A lot of the time I felt half listened to anyway, that my words were just prompts for their own stories and my own didn’t matter or was about to be the source of a lecture/advice to “fix” something about me. On top of that, I felt everything being interpreted based on assumptions outside of what I was actually saying. All of it made me feel I was talking but it wasn’t really a conversation.

Of course, the fact we are so different in how we see the world doesn’t help. It isn’t even interests like my being a geek and them liking, I dunno, what do “normal” people like? It’s the basic wiring of the brain. I guess by nature I am an individualist and skeptic, and most people aren’t so much.

So when we talk they tell me something, and I end up coming across as a wet blanket, either disagreeing or doing that polite silent smile to avoid arguing. They read something online and quote it as fact, I read something online and triple check the sources , and if I can’t check it enough I at least try to make it clear I am uncertain of the veracity. And I’m sure it annoys them, but them believing things without enough proof annoys me.

Then there is my utter inability to think that anyone should judge others on superficial things. I see the neighbors yards run down and I don’t give a damn except to feel sorry if seems they are having troubles. The person I was taking to seems to judge the aesthetics and fretted about property values. ** And I get some people care about that stuff, but I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. *** Making remarks about people living their lives in some way read as different from normal or improper or unsightly or whatever isn’t just alien to me, it actively makes me angry!

And them there is the way someone can bring something up over and over and over that you can do nothing about. The person has grievance against Mom for something Mom said. The person keeps quoting it to me, as if I can do something about it. I wasn’t there and don’t know the context, it was years ago and Mom doesn’t even remember it, and to heck if I can say anything to make it better. I have guessed that a bit of misunderstanding is involved. Maybe it was Mom taking something the person said wrong, maybe it’s the person misunderstanding Mom, or maybe it’s just their different wiring causing the trouble. The quote doesn’t sound so bad to me, but clearly the person is still upset after all these years. Honestly, I have no idea why they keep telling ME though. I have tried to explain it best I can guess, but I can’t apologize for Mom, even if I was sure she was wrong. (and how do I know Mom was?) It gets exhausting getting the “Your mom once said to me…”

Truthfully, sometimes I get my feelings hurt too, by little slights I’m not sure they mean. A little word about my being “not 18 anymore” (no shit), acting like if I ran I’d fall on my face, wanting to give me old clothes from when “they weighed a LOT more” than they do now, etc. They don’t mean to make me feel all old, fat, and ugly. They don’t mean to make me feel incompetent or wonder if I’m giving off some sort of pathetic weakling vibe.…

The thing is, the person is being friendly and I do need a friend. I want to be a friend. I try to be a friend. I try to assume the best of everything they say. I try to be patient about it all.

And yet…

and yet…

I end up feeling more alone.

**At one point I pointed out that my yard was more overgrown and my house more run down than someone they they were talking about, and they were quick to say that my place is somehow exempt because it is “historic”. Well, to me someone struggling to get by in a tiny brick house or trailer should be exempt from judgement too!

***You have to be hurting someone before I care, and I mean actually hurting not “ooooh, it’s ugly”.

And you know what? I HATE manicured lawns. Large areas of open, shaved grass are ugly and unnatural. I prefer “weeds” to whatever the hell perfect grass people plant and I actively encourage things like dandelions and queen anne’s lace. THEIR perfect yards are ugly to me, but I don’t try to dictate to them that they be forbidden from mowing their lawns until the grass is two inches tall or that mow around patches of wildflowers while they are in bloom. Even if everyone agreed with me I wouldn’t? You know why? Because it’s THEIR yard!

And don’t get me started on things like house color. I want someone brave enough to paint their house interesting colors. At this point, if I had the money to paint the house (and it needs painting) I’d paint it purple with pink spots (and I don’t even like that color scheme much!) just as a fuck you to boring ol’ conformity standards!

You live ONE life, and to be constricted by what OTHER people think is “pretty” is downright stupid. If YOU like how something looks, then make yourself happy and go for it if you can!!

[everything-is-crab]

Sometimes upper caste marxist women in our country are just pathetic. I follow this person on facebook who frequently posts mra rhetoric but adds "bourgeois" prefix to women to appear progressive. And it's honestly so disappointing because she makes otherwise good analysis on class. But when it comes to women's rights, all they do is cater to misogynistic leftist men for social media clout. I get annoyed at feminist spaces for disregarding caste or class and then see this from marxist women.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid028dyBEvs7UdDhVKmwqDoEHAzDq3MUDKVdh7oDqH5qc8caAcsvn4N36n49ktvHfmCsl&id=100000560346594&mibextid=Nif5oz

She's straight up reblogging from a men's rights activist. I'd hoped a leftist woman would be better than this.

Also, I am so glad I found your blog. You're really a genuine person and your posts are always so intelligent and well put. Thank you so much💕

😭😭 anon no offense but please don't send me links anonymously. For security reasons, I don't open them. Usually I don't complain cause people have sent me only Tumblr links until now and I just find the blog and the post directly instead of opening the link. But 1) You can't do that with facebook. 2) I don't have a facebook account anyways 💀💀

But you could still tell me in another ask what kind of exact MRA rhetoric she's spreading wrapped in Marxist language if you want.

And well even though I personally haven't come across any such upper caste Marxist woman (because I hardly come across Marxist women here in general), it's not surprising.

Look I appreciate the Marxist movement here. But sometimes some Marxists are right wing deviants. A lot of them are not just sexist but casteist as well. I wouldn't necessarily say they're "casteist" but they do ignore the distinction between caste and class and that opposing capitalist system by itself is not going to help us.

I have found it better to read a bunch of different texts with different opinions and come to my own conclusion. I have never found a perfect text regarding caste, class and gender. And you won't either. Sexist Marxists and Dalit activists, casteist Marxists and feminists.....it will never end.

It's a mess. I hardly come across intersectional analysis and the ones I come across are very faux. I once came across this one male university student writing a short text on gender caste and class and there was nothing unique about it except for one thing- he said opposing sex work is casteist and sexist 😭😭

The argument being cause it is mostly Dalit women pushed into prostitution and hence attaching stigma to it. And while I do agree there's stigma against women in prostitution and women from oppressed castes are seen as sexually deviant which together make it very hard for Dalit women in prostitution, one can't expect us to just let it go on. Do you see people arguing against the abolition of manual scavenging? No. Then why should women from oppressed castes be expected to not just continue being exploited but embrace it? Nobody dares to ask Dalit men do that. So why should women be confined to roles society historically forced upon us? It's not empowering. Little girls from oppressed castes and poor backgrounds are forced to give up their education and join prostitution. And I am just supposed to accept that and to make things balanced expect women from upper castes to join them? Fuck off. Men are the worst lol

The best we can do is make wide like-minded connections around us as much as possible. I feel like, until our economic issues are resolved, we will not progress further in social issues.

Women make most of the poor here. How will they be able to talk about abolition when it's hard for them to achieve even reform? No amount of activism or NGOs is going to work as long as there is corruption.

Btw there's a lot of Dalit feminist theory around. But they're written by many upper caste women instead like Uma Chakravarti, Sharmila Rege. Dalit feminist writers exist. Bama, Urmilla Pawar and all. But they prefer to write fictional literature or biographies instead of your theory. And in their own language rather than English. So you will have to dig deeper for the translated texts. But I do recommend reading them even if fiction and biographies bore you. Only those texts have given justice to describing what it means to be a woman from an oppressed caste experiencing both male and upper caste arrogance.

And also do read Tithi Bhattacharya's books and interviews if you feel discouraged by coming across right wing bigotry even in feminist or Marxist spaces. While she's upper caste, she's very prominent and is a Marxist who's a feminist,anti casteist and anti nationalist and also doesn't bootlick colonial era. However, I don't fully agree with her views on imperialism. What she describes related to imperialism in the global south is true but very basic....I don't think many people really understand US imperialism....it's not just about the IMF or World Bank. Even though they're equally evil. It's the whole US dollar hegemony and the way it is backed by their military. And also opposing any left wing government in the GS and everything. But that is a whole another topic. Sorry for getting a bit off track but my point is.....there will be dissent and while I understand not accepting MRA rhetoric which is just blatant sexism, remember you won't find any person you will agree with 100%. Just read and form your own thoughts. You may be wrong but still.

[gynii]

Just letting you know that you mentioned Cyan22 [cpk/wilbur/ranboo/wisp] in your mcc rant when I think you meant Cyan24 [hannah/pearl/aimsey/jojo]. Really great post btw, hard agree as a both big fan of mcc, of jojo and hannah especially, and a frequenter of hermitblr.

Tjough I will say,, I absolutely disagree with the idea that there were more 'jojo is s tier' supporters than not at the time (in the post mcc24 pre mcc25 era, i.e., back when her tier was in contention). I don't think I saw more than a handful of posts genuinely arguing for her s tier status, whereas I saw post after post after post about purpled having utterly proven HIS s tier status, but. whatever.

During an argument I had with someone on the reddut, I said, "I think it's annoying how many people seem to have this weird mission to go on any post/comment that even implies the idea of Jojo being S-tier just to comment that they don't think she's there yet." bc like. that was very much happening, and "jojo isn't s" was much, much more popular an opinion to champion post mcc24 than people ever seem to acknowledge nowadays 😭

Tbc, I hope this doesn't come across as aggressive, or like, accusatory in any way? Again, I really liked the post, but as someone who scrolled that reddit day in and day out that time (regrettably.), I find it frustrating just how much the mcc community likes to pretend that they've always been supportive of jojo, our favorite s tier!!!!1!!! when in my experience, that really was not the case for as long as people could reasonably get away with dismissing her- so, until she got her first place (again, not @ you, specifically talking about the reddit here).

Bro I'm so bad with numbers, thanks for the correction.

I get what you mean about the comments on posts on the reddit, I definitely also noticed it. I was starting to get more active on the subreddit around that time.

But I also feel like I remember those comments usually getting down voted into negatives and they were usually done by the same few people I want to say? I also think some art I posted of her also got unsolicited comments, or at the very least just broader appreciation posts for jojo would get those sort of comments.

Maybe I just successfully avoided a lot of the weird jojo isn't an s tier posts, but I still think, at least in my experience, the jojo supporters were at least more appreciated/respected than the people who were actively against her being s.

Oh shit, also, I definitely remember people being weird about anyone trying to strike up the discussion on whether the more contentious nature of jojos tier was because of biases in the subreddit. Those posts were down voted like Nasty and I can't speak about the comments cause I purposefully avoided those.

But yeah I defffo agree that there were arguements about that and there definitely were people that were weirdly against her being s, enough so that it did cause issues, but I think the broader subreddit mostly looked down on people who behaved that way?

I also agree that it's weird how much the subreddit like bounced in the opposite direction, and how some people still act weirdly disrespectful but in an outwardly nice way? Like don't get me wrong, I love jojo getting all the appreciation she can, but I don't really like the whole "here before jojo comments" trend and I think sometimes the subreddit gets a bit too buddy buddy with actual jojo in comments and stuff. But that's off topic.

And dw you didn't come off a aggressive at all. I think what I was more trying to get across is that the subreddit even talked about her in a significant light, even if it was contentious early on. My issue with tumblr and Twitter is less that they talk down on the women in mcc and more that they ignore them yknow?

[yandere-sins]

Stares

Horrortober Day 5: Disturbance “Nothing can interrupt us now.”

I will admit I wrote this one way too late into the night. I should go to sleep yikes :’D Enjoy!

Warnings: Yandere, Body Horror, Kidnapping, Molestation, Harrassment, Sexual Innuendos/Actions Characters: Sukuna x Reader

It was rare to see the King of Curses calm and even a little approachable.

Not that you liked seeing him at all, but you preferred it this way than any other. Ever so often, he peeked out of Itadori Yuji’s face, taunting you, belittling his host. However, you were just glad to get through with your work that day, teaching the boy the necessary theory he had to learn. You’d be gone before you had to deal with the host or the curse inside of him, just like every day. Routine, that’s what Nanami called it. Routine would benefit all of you, but you still hadn’t come around to like what you were forced to do.

Morally, it was wrong to call the boy a curse. He ate something cursed, and now he was beyond screwed, but still… Whenever you saw him, pure survival instinct ran through your veins. You wanted to defeat him, end this miserable life, but you weren’t allowed. Sorcerers weren’t supposed to teach curses, just kill. But you were torn between your orders and duty, looking at what was sitting in front of you.

Asking other sorcerers for their opinion on the matter, and you were faced with the same responses. The same struggle and conflict you were facing, except, maybe, Gojo, who seemed to be unbothered by what he dragged into your holy halls. However, the most unnerving thing that came up in conversation was how often Sukuna showed himself in your class… but not in the others. Given, they did see the casual third or fourth eye, or one mouth too many. Still, even if the others were unnerved, they chose to ignore, while you were the only one to actually have spoken to the king—though it was no honor.

“Brat, the teacher’s staring.” Instantly, Yuji’s attention shifted to the extra mouth on his cheek and then to you, expecting you to say something. You quickly caught your composure, not having realized you’ve been staring - probably in disgust - at him, almost feeling bad. Clearing your throat, you picked up your book again, shaking your head in denial before continuing to monotonously read the text inside of it out loud. Sorcerer history hadn’t been your favorite subject either, but you were stuck with it, unfortunately. Yuji was diligent enough, but even while you read, you couldn’t get your mind off the threat in front of you.

Especially not when long, clawed fingers gripped your book by the spine, lowering it with surprising force.

“No, you’ve been staring. There’s no denying it, Sorcerer, spit it out,” Sukuna grinned at you cheekily, having temporarily taken over your real student.

“I was trying not to vomit looking at you,” you snarled back, slapping his hand away that he retracted in fake hurt. “Bad liar,” he called you before the marks suddenly faded, Yuji going back to being himself.

“Ah, sorry about that,” he muttered apologetically like so many times before. And you sighed, assuring him it wasn’t his fault.

»»————————

It wasn’t his fault either when Sukuna cornered you in one of the hallways around the school. Being cornered by strong two arms did not give you the butterflies that all these novels always tried to sell. Granted, you flinched pretty hard, but once you were face to face with him, your anger far outweighed your fear. He was scary, no question asked. Sukuna could destroy you with a flick of his finger. But somehow, naively so, you didn’t believe he would. Something about ‘he could have, but he hasn’t’ made you bold apparently. Stupidly so.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” you hissed, and he rolled his eyes. Yuji’s body looked stupidly wasted on him, the boy being such a ray of sunshine in contrast to his evil counterpart. Sukuna didn’t become him. His attitude didn’t.

“You’ve been staring at me,” he repeated. Why was the topic so important to him?

“So what? What is it to you?” you returned snidely. Lips curling into a grin, you felt like you had actually humored him. Not the direction you wanted to go with the King. “Well, I wanted a good look at you…” he mumbled, his eyes driving from the shirt on your collarbones to the shoes you were wearing slowly, noticeably, and… lusty.

“...too,” he finished his sentence before licking his lips.

“Disgusting,” you whispered dryly, staring at him perturbed, and Sukuna chuckled at your obvious rejection.

“Well, I have what I wanted.”

Before you could repeat, he disappeared, leaving behind a slumping student of yours, and you cursed the King of Curses quietly, dropping everything to had in your arms to support Yuji. “Asshole,” you mumbled, and for a brief moment, you thought you heard him chuckle again, but you couldn’t be sure.

»»————————

It was him. He was planning something all along, and you knew it.

But no one could see it since this plan almost exclusively involved you.

“Shrivel and die,” you told him through gritted teeth, pushing at his chest as hard as you could. Sukuna was undeterred, pressing you against the old chalkboard and nibbling on your earlobe. Why did no one believe you when you swore up and down that he wasn’t just a quiet bystander? That he indeed was trying to do something—or someone?

“I do love a filthy mouth,” he sighed, making you want to throw up just from the implications alone. Even with your elbow between you, there was no movement. The other sorcerers had told you about Yuji’s strength, but you didn’t think you couldn’t handle it. Apparently, however, you couldn’t, and it was infuriating. While Sukuna was doing as he pleased, you decided on a different approach, opening your mouth to scream.

Finally, it caused some reaction in him, his head recoiling at the jarring sound, but before long, your lips were captured with his, a fight breaking out between your mouths. He was trying to silence you efficiently with his tongue in your throat, the mere thought of kissing a student repulsing you, and you were biting at his lips which didn’t seem to bother Sukuna at all.

“Someone will come,” you reminded him fiercely as he broke away to give you some air.

“Silly,” he only commented before kissing you again. You were hammering at his chest, trying to make your disapproval evident, but it was to no avail. Sukuna wouldn’t budge. Only when he, mercifully, allowed another breath, you screamed again, using your palms to defend from his face closing in to shut you up. The weight of his body was pressing you into the wall painfully, but realizing your powers simply wouldn’t show no matter how hard you tried was even worse. Did he have some kind of ability that stole your energy from you? Was it fear that blocked you from using it? Were you afraid?

You were. 

It was indeed silly, even if it was painful to agree with Sukuna. You never feared for your life, taking every day and mission as it came. But you were scared now because of the monster in front of you. You had been right: you should have killed him when you could. Stupid! Absolutely stupid to keep around!

Even you understood that it wasn’t death you feared. You feared Sukuna’s presence and the effects it had on you. How defenseless you were suddenly and how, even though he always disappeared in the end after annoying you, he just didn’t seem to let go of you now. 

“Scream some more,” he taunted, and you weren’t going to object. Immediately, you put up the fight again, feeling your lungs clench when you robbed them of all the air to get some help. But nothing happened. “I like it when they struggle,” Sukuna laughed, crazy, madly, victoriously. As if he won a war you didn’t know about.

“Come, open your eyes! Look where you are!” he encouraged you, grinning from ear to ear. Confused, you looked around, seeing the same old classroom that you always had when teaching Yuji. The sight slowly began to shift, fog collecting at your feet and the walls moving unnaturally under your gaze. You’ve been scared before, but it was nothing compared to what you felt as everything shifted. 

You hadn’t realized it. 

Not for one moment did you know he activated his domain, something no one had been able to explore until now. It was different from what you expected, much more vast and deadly. But you also saw the remainders of the classroom, and you wondered how much of it was taking up the actual reality. Horrified, you looked around, now knowing your screams wouldn’t echo for no one but you two here. You always thought you were a decent sorcerer but maybe… maybe you were nothing at all. At least not in the eyes of Sukuna.

“Finally,” Sukuna sighed, satisfied and seemingly exhausted by effort you didn’t know he was making. “Nothing can interrupt us now. I just needed you to lower your guard.”

“You…” Your mumble was met with deafening silence. Not even Sukuna’s breathing made a sound in this space, and you immediately felt claustrophobic in the pitch black that encased the realm. His realm.

“I was nice. I waited. Those… manga said it was proper in these times, though, I don’t care for them. But you kept staring at me as if you were trying to kill me. Do you know how hard it was to wait? A king shouldn’t have to wait-no. I shouldn’t have to wait for you when you are coming on to me.”

Blinking a few times, you looked back at him. Perhaps, for the first time, you were truly meeting his gaze, always finding a reason to not look at him directly before. But not anymore. Now you were indeed looking at him, not remembering those times he said you stared when this was the first and only time you really saw him. “It’s been too long that I had company. How nice of you to offer yourself up to me~”

“I never did-” you tried to argue, but you were swept into another kiss, flailing in his arms as you feared falling. Endlessly. You could no longer discern where the realm started and ended. “You’re mine now,” he growled, unhinged.

“I will devour you, Looker. It’s punishment for not welcoming me sooner. There’s a lot to make up for.”

You’ve never seen Sukuna calm before. Because if what you had witnessed was what you called calm, it had been because he was waiting for the right moment. The right moment to pounce, and to your misery, it was now. Stares could kill, people said. It was true, you found out, as you killed yourself with it by making the King of Curses recognize you. Though, you wished you were dead.

You merely killed your freedom with your actions, as there was no way Sukuna would let you have that ever again after you piqued his interest unwillingly.

[thornedrose44]

Prompt: "Do it. Take a chance, I'm begging you. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been."

Read on AO3

“What is it?” Kara huffed out, her frustration finally reaching critical mass.

“What’s what?” Alex replied, playing dumb by pretending to study the DEO’s monitors far too intently considering Kara had literally just dispatched the rogue villain of the week.

Kara crossed her arms, hip cocked forward slightly as she leant against the central console, blue eyes observing her sister's profile closely.

“Whatever you’re not telling me because you think it will upset me.” The superhero clarified bluntly, her social hesitation and uncertainty having dampened over the last few years.

She had learnt the hard way how important it was to never shy away from the truth and avoid speaking around the heart of the matter. It was a lesson she had absorbed completely, and it was one she refused to forget - needing to prove she had evolved, had bettered herself from the version that had required teaching in the first place.

“I’m not…” Alex refuted, shrugging dismissively but keeping her gaze trained forward, “There’s no-“

“Look, I’m asking you out of courtesy,” Kara cut in, “but you and I both know that I could just as easily ask Nia, and she would fold almost instantly.”

Alex grumbled irritably under her breath - Nia still had yet to build an effective resistance to Kara’s puppy dog eyes and this particular weakness had caused no small amount of trouble for Alex over the last five years.

“It is Lena related, right?” Kara checked, though it was completely unnecessary.

For Alex to actively try and keep a secret from her, it couldn’t be about anything else. And it had been more or less confirmed by her sister's reaction to her threatening to go to Nia.

“Just because I’m keeping a secret, doesn’t automatically mean it’s to do with Lena.” Alex tried, though the conviction behind her statement was weaker than wet tissue paper.

The redhead side-eyed her and Kara merely had to arch an unimpressed eyebrow in return for the DEO director to deflate.

“Okay maybe it’s a little to do with Lena.” Alex admitted with a wince, rubbing the back of her neck in defeat.

Kara threw her hands up in exasperation. “It’s been over five years, okay? I’m fine!”

Her bellowed declaration of stability, made the nearby DEO agents look over with a mix of curiosity and concern. Kara grimaced at the reaction and as such didn’t resist when Alex grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the central room and into her private office.

Alex turned to face her fully, lips pressed tight together and hands firm on her own hips (it had always annoyed Kara that Alex managed to make her signature superhero pose far more intimidating than her own attempts).

“Yelling I’m fine, definitely helps your case.” Alex retorted, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Kara had the good grace to look suitably embarrassed for a moment before launching into the same variation of the speech she gave every time there was a morsel of Lena news to be had. “I screwed up, okay? Big time screwed up - ‘regret it for the rest of my life’ screwed up!” Kara declared prompting a beleaguered sigh from her sister who knew the blatant lie that was coming next. “But I’ve made my peace with it. I won’t spiral into another depressive episode when I hear how happy she is.”

Alex shook her head, not even remotely convinced - not that Kara could blame her, the last time Alex had been pestered into telling her a Lena update, Kara had spent a weekend on a drinking binge that had successfully proven that there were limits even for a kryptonian.

“I don’t think-“ Alex began.

“What is it?” Kara demanded. “Is she getting another medal from the president?”

Alex shook her head, jaw clenching and unclenching. “Kara, you don’t want to know this.”

“Her and Kal save the world again?” Kara barrelled on, her lips curling into a jealous snarl. “The greatest Luthor and Super duo continue to make the world a better place?”

That particular news article had been printed and burned by Kara’s heat vision more times than she dared admit to anyone.

“Kara, please-“ Alex begged, expression crumpling as Kara relentlessly pushed.

“Tell me, I can take it.” Kara proclaimed, voice coming out high pitched and strained. “Is she dating someone again? Another famous actress? That Olympic male gymnast? What-“

“She’s getting married.”

A bomb must have gone off, Kara thought to herself.

A kryptonite bomb.

It was the only thing that could explain the ringing in her ears, and the way everything just… hurt.

A shard of kryptonite must have pierced her chest and cut her heart into jagged pieces. That was the only thing that could explain it.

“What?” She questioned, barely above a whisper. She didn’t quite recognise her own voice - it sounded shattered and unfamiliar. She also didn’t know what she was asking.

Didn’t know what ‘what’ was all about.

What just happened?

What did you say?

What post-apocalyptic reality are we living in now?

“Next week, she’s getting married.” Alex explained, giving Kara answers she no longer wanted. “Sam, Ruby, Kal and Lois are invited.”

She knew it should sting. Not being invited even though they hadn’t spoken in nearly five years. That she should feel something about the fact that Lena had omitted Alex, Brainy, Nia and J’onn as well - it further reinforced how Lena believed them to be Kara’s friends and never hers (which was one of the things Kara regretted most - how her poor treatment of Lena had infected and destroyed everyone else’s friendship with the youngest Luthor).

“To who?” Kara asked, tone cold, hollow… empty.

“Kara,” Alex murmured softly, reaching out to comfort her sister, “this clearly isn’t good for you.”

Kara jerked backwards so fast that the papers on Alex’s desk shot into the air, fluttering down around the sisters like snow.

“Just tell me!” Kara ordered, hands turned into white knuckle fists at her sides that would be capable of tearing through the strongest of metals. Her eyes heated but she managed to stave the fire in them as she glowered at her sister.

Alex slumped back, leaning heavily against her desk, running a frantic hand through her short hair. “Does it matter?” Alex muttered defeatedly, brown eyes filled with pity and sympathy as she stared up into Kara’s eyes.

“Of course it fucking matters,” Kara snapped in outrage before she had a chance to stop and think , “because it’s not me!”

The admission hung heavy and rotting between them. It wasn’t a revelation to either of them, though the fact that the intensity of Kara’s feelings hadn’t dampened despite the separation of half a decade was.

“Kara…” Alex breathed, standing back up and moving towards the blonde with the obvious intent of hugging her.

“I should get back to CatCo.” Kara mumbled, cheeks a fiery red with shame. She stepped hurriedly away from her sister and was already halfway out the door before she halted, turning back to call out a sad yet sincere. “Thanks for telling me.”

Xxx

“I genuinely don’t get why you love these films so much.” Lena remarked, hands cupping her just made cup of cocoa, nose adorably scrunched up as she snuggled back down on the sofa beside Kara, who didn’t hesitate to wrap an arm around her best friend’s shoulders.

“They’re sweet and romantic.” Kara replied with a happy sigh, turning to nuzzle into the side of Lena’s head for a fleeting moment as the film’s lead started her joyful march down the aisle. “It makes me hopeful.”

“Hopeful?” Lena repeated curiously, leaning away slightly so she could meet Kara’s blue eyes.

Kara shrugged, ducking her head bashfully, “It’s stupid.”

“Hey,” Lena murmured gently, freeing a hand from her mug so that she could interlace her warmed fingers with Kara’s, “you could never be stupid, especially not about something like this.” Her best friend asserted, before asking seriously, “You want the classic big white wedding?”

“Uh…” Kara blushed, cheeks pinking as her mind struggled to kick into gear.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena that the reason she loved weddings more than any other event is because they so closely resembled Kryptonian Bonding ceremonies. That the exchanging of rings, polished everlasting metal, reminded her of wonderfully crafted bracelets clasped on wrists. That it was an occasion for family to join together across generations, for the rare flashes of art and music on Krypton to take centre stage over cold science.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena that after being alone, abandoned and lost - ripped away from her home in the cruelest of ways - that the idea of belonging to someone else, of having a home in someone else regardless of time or location was what Kara wanted more than anything else.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena because it would require admitting the truth of who she really was, it would require taking accountability for years of lies.

She didn’t know how to tell Lena without losing her forever.

“Yeah.” Kara coughed awkwardly, “I want the whole thing. Beautiful dress, surrounded by family… the love of my life at the end of the aisle. Everything.” She shot Lena a side-long glance, “I’m guessing you don’t?”

“Never really been my thing,” Lena admitted readily and Kara’s heart twisted at how Lena didn’t hesitate to bare herself, how she gave all of herself when it could be argued that Kara - at best - only gave half, “probably because I can’t imagine I have enough people in my life to invite and feel ‘surrounded’.” Lena pursed her lips thoughtfully, “I also don’t get the need for the spectacle. Just the idea that there’s someone out there that would want to…” Kara watched her best friend deflate, expression wistful and pained, “be with me, love me like that… that’s more than enough.”

Kara’s eyes stung with barely suppressed tears at how little Lena thought of herself. Whoever had the privilege of marrying her best friend would be the single luckiest and most fortunate person in the universe and Kara wished Lena knew that, wished she believed it. But when she opened her mouth to say it, to proclaim it, her breath faltered and her courage abandoned her… like it always did with the youngest Luthor.

“So no white dress?” Kara muttered instead, voice meek and lacking the lightheartedness that should have carried the question.

It didn’t matter, though, Lena let out a quick exhale that resembled something on the edge of laughter. Kara’s escalating heart rate settled at that, however, it did little to alleviate the pang of regret that was steadily accompanying all her interactions with the CEO.

“Well, I guess I could be convinced by someone special.” Lena teased, shooting Kara an overtly salacious wink that wouldn’t - on the surface - be considered genuine.

“Anyone that marries you will have to be special.” Kara replied, the statement tumbling out instantly.

It wasn’t the heartfelt confession that Kara wished it to be and it wasn’t quite light enough to be dismissed as a friendly reassurance. Instead, it was yet another thing that fell into the ethereal greyness that lied between them, something to tuck away and think back on late at night when they tried to work out if the other meant it the way they wished they did.

“Yeah?” Lena whispered, piercing green eyes studying Kara’s face closely.

Kara swallowed thickly, “Yeah.”

Xxx

Lena found out less than six weeks after that movie night. They defeated Lex and Kara had been on the edge of breathing easy, of being able to simply relax back into her life when it all came crashing down.

They had been at Games Night and Kara had been antsy, waiting for her best friend to arrive. The thought of pulling Lena into a hug had been what she had been looking forward to most all day.

Kara was at peace, laughing and drinking with her friends - her family - when Lena had arrived. Kara had beamed up at her immediately and for a second Lena’s entrancing green eyes lit up in return before turning dark and distant.

Kara’s smile faltered, crinkle appearing between her brows when-

The wine bottle smashed into the wall behind Kara’s head.

Deathly silence fell over the area.

Kara looked into hollow, emptied out versions of her favourite green. She would have preferred anger, fury, rage… the defeated nothingness staring back at the Kryptonian was far worse.

Lena turned and left, grinding Kara’s heart to dust and taking the sand particles left with her.

She knew.

She knew because Lex had told her.

She knew because she had gone to stop her brother, intent on saving the world like always only to find out that those she was saving the world for didn’t view her as their equal. That the people she treated as family had kept her on the outskirts. That her best friend had lied, had manipulated, had-

xxx

It was Lois that found out everything from Lena.

When the fallout had happened, as Kara and the Superfriends realised what they had lost, the blonde hero sent notice to her cousin that his identity was probably known as well (mostly because she remembered how hurt she had been when Kal shared her secret without her consent). Kal and Lois had arrived almost immediately, frantic and terrified (especially with baby Jon to consider) at the concept of a Luthor knowing their identity.

Kara, joined by all the Superfriends, quickly put their minds to rest, sharing Lena’s actions from before, her dependability, kindness and inherent goodness. Kal and Lois were convinced their secret was safe but they were horrified to hear how Lena had been isolated and kept at arms length after her considerable good deeds. Alex and the others had squirmed uncomfortably and tried to weakly talk around their hesitancy.

Kal and Lois had simply looked at Kara for an explanation but she had none. Yet again the words would not come.

It was Lois, therefore, that had sought out the youngest Luthor and through her incredible tenacity was able to gain access where everyone else was rebuffed and harshly rejected.

It was Lois that comforted Lena, gave her support and sympathy.

It was Lois that relayed Lena’s demand that they give her space.

It was Lois that suggested Lena return to Metropolis - presenting it as a way to celebrate how L-Corp, after Lena’s repeated sacrifices and heroism, was fully rehabilitated and ready to reclaim its once home.

It was Lois that encouraged Lena and Kal to work together becoming an unstoppable force that Kara and Lena had always danced on the precipice of.

A Luthor and a Super. Saving the world.

xxx

Kara did as asked. Gave Lena space. Or at least the semblance of space.

She checked in constantly, hovered nearby throughout the days and nights leading upto L-Corp’s departure and Lena along with it. She followed Lena’s jet to Metropolis, a sentinel ensuring safe passage.

She kept her distance for three months. Three months of stony silence before she broke.

Snapped, more like.

Landing on Lena’s new balcony in Metropolis that had been specially built for Superman this time - not for her, though Kara, at the time, had hoped that she had been considered consciously or unconsciously as well.

Kara couldn’t remember the exact words.

She remembered crying from beginning to end.

Remembered ‘I loved you’ - past tense.

Remembered finally breaking through Lena’s cold, hardened shell to the raw, bleeding wound hidden underneath and regretting it almost immediately.

Remembered how seeing Lena’s agony was worse than kryptonite, worse than watching Krypton burn…

Remembered Lena saying she needed time to heal, for Kara to stop hovering nearby - because she knew, she sensed Kara’s presence even without seeing her once - and to give her time to stop thinking of Kara and feeling only pain when she did so.

Remembered promising to do just that.

Remembered a timer starting to count in her head - the seconds that she would be condemned to purgatory.

Remembered the hope that just refused to go out - the hope that whispered give it time, give it time, give it time with every beat of her heart.

Remembered thinking that given enough time Lena would reach out and they would get the chance that Kara had almost destroyed for them.

Remembered flying zig-zagged and dangerous to Alex where her endless stream of tears returned to full flow as she sobbed into her sister’s shoulder using words and phrases like ‘heartbroken’ and ‘I love her’ and ‘I can’t survive this pain’ and ‘what do I do?’ and ‘I can’t breathe’.

Remembered a hollowed out shell of Kara Danvers moving through the motions for a year, for two, three, four… five...

Remembered taking up drinking to excess whenever she saw Lena’s life flourish and grow - not because she didn’t want Lena to be happy, that was what Kara wanted and wished for more than anything - because she wasn’t there with her for those life-changing events.

Remembered Alex and Kelly’s worries growing with each occurrence, intervening more and more to such a degree that they encouraged Kara to consider AA meetings - she did eventually, and found destroying entire junkyards to be a healthier coping mechanism, external destruction rather than internal.

Remembered Brainy at the behest of Alex, setting up Kara’s phone and computer to prevent searching for any keywords affiliated to Lena and to alert Alex if Kara ever managed to stumble upon a news article.

Remembered listening to Kal and Lois skipping large parts of stories where it was clear that Lena was involved - it was nice in some way to know Lena was getting the credit she deserved, but it hurt when Kal’s stories started to involve gaps at Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year (events that made Kara’s loneliness even more acute and her longing intensify).

Remembered her life without Lena.

Remembered regret and guilt and loss.

Remembered-

“She’s getting married.”

xxx

Kara shouldn’t have been there. Shouldn’t be anywhere in the vaguest vicinity of where she currently was.

The bride was dressed in a simple silky white shift, sipping intermittently from her champagne glass as she stared contemplatively up at the designer white dress hanging off the door in front of her. Raven locks were pinned up, so tight and intricate that it made Kara wince sympathetically at how it must tug and pinch at the bride’s scalp - she’d always preferred it down, loose and curling… soft and inviting. The bride’s make-up was artistic with a dramatic edge that would captivate but made her look… not like herself in Kara’s opinion.

Or maybe after five years it made Lena look more like herself - the version of herself she had become once free of Kara and all the pain she brought into her life.

She was hovering outside the dressing room window, trying to work out how far she was willing to take this. If it would be better to leave without saying anything, to try and leave some part of Lena’s life unspoiled.

It was the fear that she had always given into when she was best friends with Lena that made her decision for her. Like speaking her truth and learning to ask for what she wanted - Kara had also promised herself that she would never allow that bone deep fear to stop her ever again.

The window was open and it was as good an invite as Kara was ever going to get.

“Lena?”

The beautiful bride-to-be jerked in her place, champagne glass nearly tumbling to the floor but saved at the last second.

She didn’t turn around for a beat… then two…

Kara was just about to escape back through the window when Lena exhaled slowly and pivoted round to meet her.

“Kara?” Lena breathed out, green eyes closed off and wary.

The kryptonian studied the love of her life for a moment, taking in every little detail - soaking it all up as if accepting that this would be the last time she might ever get to see it again. That the timer that had counted past five years would stop after this moment, the hope powering it gone forever.

“Don’t marry them, please.” Kara requested, no flowery language, no build up. Just the honest truth.

“What?” Lena’s jaw dropped and the champagne glass didn’t survive the second shock, crashing to the ground - released by trembling fingers.

“Don’t marry them.” Kara repeated, uncaring of how the carpet below them soaked up the amber liquid.

Lena’s expression flitted through an array of emotions before settling on indignant rage, “And why the hell not?!”

Kara didn’t flinch, didn’t retreat, instead she stood taller, the crest of her super suit catching the early afternoon light. “Because it should have been me. It still should be me.”

Lena scoffed in disbelief, “You can’t be serious. Now? You’re doing this now?”

Kara pursed her lips, fighting back the regret that always came with the reminders of countless missed opportunities. “Yes.”

The straightforwardness of Kara’s answers seemed to be throwing Lena, leaving her wrong-footed, clearly expecting the blonde to talk around and hint and imply like she used to.

But Kara had learnt. (The lesson had been too painful not to.)

“You had years, Kara!” Lena argued, “Years where I…. I threw myself at you. Practically begged you to love me… to trust me…”

“I know.” Kara replied sadly, wanting desperately to reach out when Lena’s pretty green eyes began to glisten with unshed tears. “I know. But I’m here now.”

“I don’t want you to be.” Lena muttered, arms crossed over her chest and head ducked downwards to hide her expression.

“I know that too.” Kara assured, fingers twitching with the desire to make contact, to comfort and coax - even after all these years her body remembered, the pathways of hardwired instinct related to her best friend were still there, still active even if temporarily closed for service.

“Then why are you here?” Lena murmured, voice barely above a whisper.

“Because I’m in love with you.”

Lena’s head snapped up at that, green eyes like saucers.

Kara’s single biggest regret was that she had never said those words to Lena before, had alluded and pointed at them during their final interaction but had never outright said them. And Lena had deserved to hear them then and deserved to hear them now to forever vanquish the doubts that had always been with her.

“Because I’m in love with you and we didn’t get our chance.” Kara affirmed, taking a half step closer to the bride, her red heeled boots and Lena’s bare feet meaning the younger woman had to tip her head ever so slightly back to maintain eye contact. “We didn’t get our chance because of me. Because I was afraid, I was so afraid of losing you. Of doing even the slightest thing that could mean you weren’t in my life. And in the end every action I took out of fear of losing you ensured just that. I’ve spent five years without you, Lena, and I can’t bear a single day more.”

“Kara,” Lena whispered, “I’m getting married.”

“I know.” Kara smiled sadly before adding, “Don’t.”

“What are you suggesting? Seriously?” Lena sighed, shaking her head mournfully and Kara knew she was losing her then.

“I’m suggesting that we have our chance now before it's gone forever.”

Gathering the small amount of courage Kara had left, she tentatively let her hands nudge forwards, brushing against Lena’s cool, pale fingers. That small contact was everything. Made it easier to breathe, made the colours of the world more vibrant, made everything just more.

“I let fear hold me back from the person that made me happiest in the entire universe and I won’t let it hold me back again.”

“Kara…” Lena whimpered, glancing back over her shoulder at the closed door that her wedding dress was displayed on, though she didn’t pull her hand away from Kara’s touch, didn’t flinch or retreat.

“Do it.” Kara pleaded, stepping across that final slither of distance between them, her forehead leaning forward to rest gently against the side of Lena’s, “Take a chance, I’m begging you. You don’t want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.”

Lena inhaled shakily, head returning to forward facing - foreheads pressed against one another, breathing in the same air - and then… and then…

Lena’s hands slipped fully into Kara’s, fingers intertwining together.