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isabella-kr · 2 years

Note

Are you still taking requests for Price fics??? Can I please get a fluff/smut with him and a reader who has insecurities about her body

I most definitely am!! Thank you so much for requesting!! The beginning turned out sadder than planned, so I’m sorry about that. Also, this isn’t my best work; I’m not sure why but my brain wasn’t braining when I was trying to write this so the quality is slightly off.

Marked Beauty

Do not repost

Synopsis: When Price catches her looking in the mirror for longer than usual, he can immediately tell something is wrong. When she voices her insecurities, he makes it his mission to show her just how beautiful she is.

Pairing: John Price x Female!Wife!Reader (I’m sorry, I’m a sucker for husband Price)

Genre: Fluff & Smut. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 YEARS OLD

Warnings: Insecurities, dislike of one's body, Mention of stretch marks, scars, and cellulite, body worship, smut, description of male and female bodies, description of male and female genitalia, cunnilingus, fingering, penetrative sex, p in v, soft sex, creampie, use of ‘love’ and ‘sweetheart’ (let me know if I missed anything)

Note: There is no mention of body weight or size in this fic. The reader is not described as having a specific body type - stretch marks and cellulite is something anyone can get no matter their size.

Word Count: 4.5k

General Masterlist COD:MWII Masterlist

GIF not mine (Boobies 😍)

He could tell something was wrong the moment she stepped in front of the mirror to brush her teeth. The way her eyes raked over her own body made his chest ache; there was a certain hatred in them, and he would even go as far as say she looked disgusted.

Feeling his heart break piece by piece, he stood up from where he sat on the bed and stopped in the threshold of the bathroom that was connected to their bedroom. She didn’t even notice his presence, too focused on judging every inch of herself. He approached her the moment she spat the toothpaste in the sink, his arms immediately moving to wrap around her torso and pulling her close against him.

She let out a small sigh when he pressed his face into the crook of her neck, and placed her hands atop his, enjoying the feeling of his warm chest pressing against her back. She almost smiled, but the moment she looked into the mirror again, her face turned blank.

“What’s wrong?” he muttered against her skin, his beard tickling her neck.

She exhaled sharply, internally scolding herself for allowing him to see through her. “Nothing’s wrong,” she sent him a small smile, “Go to bed, I’ll join you in a sec, alright?”

He shook his head and pulled himself up to stare into her eyes through the mirror. He said her name softly, his gruff voice barely above a whisper as he continued, “Please talk to me.”

She looked to the side and away from his concerned gaze, “I’m fine,” she told him.

But John didn’t believe her. He turned her around in his arms and placed his hand on her cheek, angling her face so their eyes would lock, “Sweetheart, we’ve been together far too long for me to believe that.”

He watched as her eyes glazed over, and she quickly hung her head to look at the ground; she refused to let him see her this way. To see her broken and on the verge of tears.

“Hey,” he attempted to lift her head back up, but she refused.

It was when she let out a choked sob, and when he felt her hot tears wet his fingertips that he brought her closer towards him. His palm cradled the back of her head as he pressed her cheek against his shoulder, his other hand reaching to rub comforting circles on her back. Her own hands grabbed onto his shirt and cramped it between her fingers as quiet whimpers left her lips.

“Shh-shh-shh,” he tried to comfort her, placing a loving kiss against her head as he swayed them from side to side. She clung onto him like her life depended on it, quiet apologies leaving her lips when she felt her tears soaking through his shirt. He could only shake his head in response and assure her it was okay, that she had nothing to be sorry for.

Once she began to calm down – her sobs ceasing and tears drying on her skin – he pulled away, cupping her cheeks in his calloused hands to look at her. The whites of her eyes were a faint red, and her face was slightly puffy from crying.

“Talk to me?” he whispered, his eyes begging her to tell him what was wrong - what he could do to help.

Hesitantly, she nodded, and the moment she did he felt like he could breathe again. He pressed his hand against the small of her back and led her back to their bedroom, where they both sat on the edge of the soft bed. His hands reached for hers and he held them, gently rubbing his thumb against her skin.

“John,” she managed to whisper, and he hummed, urging her to continue, “Do you still find me attractive?”

The question alone took him aback, but it was the seriousness in her tone that made him freeze. His brows knit together, and his eyes looked more concerned than before as he leaned forward. He searched her face for something, perhaps because a part of him wished this was all just a really bad joke.

“’Course I do,” he stated in disbelief, “What makes you think I don’t?”

She shrugged, her eyes gazing down at their intertwined fingers, “I just-” she let out a deep sigh, “I don’t know.”

“Hey,” he moved off the bed and crouched down in front of her, keeping his hands on top of hers as he looked into her eyes, “You can tell me.”

She looked more tired from this angle. The way the shadows fell on her face made her look as though she hadn’t slept in weeks. The frown that pulled on her lips didn’t make it any better, only showing how truly devastated she looked.

His mind began to work on overdrive. Had he said something to her? Did he do something without realising? Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe someone said something nasty to her, and now she couldn’t get their words out of her head.

It was as though she could hear the thoughts that ran through his head. She shook her head at him and let out a small breath, “I just... I don’t feel-” she groaned, placing her hands on her face, “Whenever I look at myself all I can see is flaws, and sometimes I’m scared that one day it will be all you’ll start seeing, too.”

He couldn’t believe his own ears. He couldn’t believe she thought of herself that way, that she saw herself that way. His chest felt heavy as he moved to sit beside her and placed a comforting hand on the small of her back.

“Did someone say something to you?” he questioned; his voice gentle as he spoke.

“No.” she assured him, “No, no-one said anything, and don’t worry, you didn’t do anything either. It’s me – I just don’t like the way I look. Honestly, I don’t know what you see in me, John.”

He hummed, taking her words in and digesting them before he opened his mouth, “D’you want to know what I see?”

She swallowed thickly, “What?”

“Definitely not the flaws you’re seeing, love,” he attempted to lighten her mood. “I’m not even sure what ‘flaws’ you’re thinking of. All I can see is my beautiful, beautiful wife.”

Despite the awful thoughts still plaguing her mind, she couldn’t help but become bashful at his words. She could feel the heat on her cheeks, and hated herself for lifting the corners of her mouth into a small smile.

“There you are,” he said as though he hadn’t seen her in months. He quickly turned serious, a hand pressing against her cheek to turn her face in his direction, “You’ll always be beautiful to me,” he said her name with so much love, she could feel her heart swell, “Even when we’re both old, wrinkly and complaining about back pain. I love you, and that’s never going to change.”

“You already complain about your back pain,” she pointed out as her arms wrapped around his neck to pull him into a tight hug.

“See, we’re already half way there,” he laughed, “If you ever feel like this again, you tell me, alright?” she nodded into his shoulder, “I can’t have you feeling like this.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “For worrying you.”

“I’m your husband,” he chuckled, pulling away from her, “It’s my job to worry, yeah?”

She snorted at that, and he couldn’t help but grin at her reaction. With a small laugh of his own, he pressed his lips against hers and used his thumbs to wipe away the dry tears from her cheeks. The kiss started off sweet and gentle, their soft lips melting against one another in the slow dance. But it eventually turned more passionate – more lustful – as he pressed his lips harder against hers, hands beginning to wander down from her hips.

They pulled away to catch their breaths, their foreheads pressing together in a loving gesture. “Can I show you just how beautiful you are to me?” he asked.

She knew what he meant by this, and she didn’t even have to think about her answer. She nodded, a small ‘yeah’ leaving her lips as she pressed them against his once again. This kiss was short and sweet and he smiled when they moved apart.

Placing his hands on her hips, he guided her along the bed to rest her head on the fluffy pillows. He hovered above her, hand resting by her head as he leaned down to kiss her once again. His tongue entered her mouth, and the quiet mewl that left her when their tongues met had his body turning hot. They explored one another as if it was their first time doing so; hands ran up and down each other’s bodies and tongues swiped against one another in a loving embrace.

A string of saliva connected them when John eventually pulled away. His breathing was heavy and eyes closed as he attempted to calm himself down. He pressed his nose against the soft skin of her cheek and decided to press more kisses there, trailing from her cheek, to her jaw, down her neck and stopping just above her clavicle.

“John,” she whispered, legs moving to rest on either side of his hips.

He groaned at her needy tone, the sound of her voice only spurring him on as he kissed past her clavicle and over her shirt. His hands slipped underneath the hem of her shirt and rolled up the material to her ribs to expose her stomach. His lips attached to the newly uncovered skin, pressing soft kisses around her belly button.

As his lips moved downward, stopping at the waistband of her bottoms, he noticed something different. Instead of the usual shorts she wore to bed, her legs were covered with long pyjama bottoms that reached her ankles. He frowned, eyes gazing up at her curiously.

“Is it your legs, love?” he asked, brows furrowing in question.

She let out a sharp breath, her tongue wetting her lips as she nodded. He kissed the softness of her abdomen before pushing himself up to look into her eyes. “Can I take ‘em off?” he asked seriously, hand stroking the apple of her cheek.

She nodded, though he could see the hesitance in her eyes. One of his hands settled on the soft skin of her hip, gently rubbing the area with his thumb as he tilted his head to the side in thought. He let out a soft hum, eyes analysing her own.

“John,” her voice caught his attention, “I trust you. I just... it’s my thighs...”

“Are you sure?” he asked, wanting to be certain she definitely wanted this.

She smiled at him, and pressed a hot kiss against his lips. He groaned at the feeling, and almost whined when she pulled away, “I want you, John.”

He only smiled before moving his head back down towards her stomach and pressing open-mouthed kisses against her skin. He hooked his fingers at the waistband of her bottoms and began to pull them downward, her hips rising a little to help him get them off.

Despite him having seen her naked countless times before, and despite still having her underwear and shirt on, she felt more exposed than ever. Yet when she looked into his eyes, which were already staring back at her - scanning her face for discomfort – she felt herself relax; his eyes were so soft, and held so much love, she felt like her heart was going to burst at the sight.

He pressed his lips against her knee as he held her leg carefully in his hand. He squeezed the soft flesh of her thigh, enjoying how it jiggled underneath his fingertips. Her breath hitched when he lifted her leg further up her body, the top of her thigh making contact with her torso.

The position reminded her of the many times he practically folded her in half to pound deeper into her. It reminded her of the nights when she finished multiple times in a row, and when her legs felt sore the day after. But this time was different; instead of his fingertips digging into the skin of her hip, they softly held onto her knee; instead of harsh kisses that stole her breath away, he lightly pressed his lips against the bumpy area of her thigh.

His eyes gazed upon the cellulite that decorated her skin, but unlike her, he didn’t see flaws. All he saw was the woman he fell in love with. The woman he was willing to take a bullet for. The bumpy area of her thigh was nothing but a decoration on her body. And he kissed it. He kissed every bump that adorned her skin, refusing to miss even a single one.

Her breathing was turning heavy as he travelled from underneath her knee and down to her buttocks. His fingers caressed the cellulite on her thigh before digging his fingers into her skin and moving her leg to expose the cotton of her underwear.

He moved his face toward her core, and placed a soft kiss against her clothed clit. A soft mewl left her lips at the action, and he smiled proudly at the sound. “You mind if I take ‘em off, love?”

She shook her head, and practically begged him to do just that. A breathless ‘please’ left her lips, and that’s all he needed. Quickly, yet still as carefully and softly as before, he pulled the material off her hips and almost salivated at the sight of her bottom half bare in front of him. He swore he would never get tired of seeing her like this; with eyes clenched shut and mouth ajar, small sighs leaving her open lips as she subconsciously rutted her hips towards him.

“John,” his name left her lips in a quiet plea.

He smirked, and on any other occasion he would have waited another moment; he would have her begging to place his lips around her. Yet this time he gave her what she wanted – what she needed – without a second thought.

His lips were wrapped on her already swollen clit before she got the chance to say his name again. A choked moan left her lips at the feeling, and her fingers went to grab onto his short hair. Her thighs clenched around his head when his tongue pressed against her hot skin, tasting her arousal as he licked her from the opening of her vagina, and up to her sensitive bud.

She let out a desperate whine as she lifted her hips, pressing her core harder against his face. She felt him smile against her, the hairs of his beard digging into the skin of her thighs. He wrapped an arm around her abdomen and pushed her down to keep her in place.

His lips were back to sucking on her clit in no time, and she felt as his index finger moved through her labia and gently pushed into her. The feeling was ecstatic, and she couldn’t help the loud moan that tumbled from her lips. “John,” she chanted his name as though it was the only name she knew.

He pumped the finger in and out, the sound of her wetness seeping out of her making his cock feel even harder than it already was. He added another finger and curled them in her tight canal. Her soft walls clenched around his digits, and when she attempted to arch her back, he knew she was close.

The pulls on his hair turned harsher, and her soft thighs squeezed his head when her walls began to spasm. He let her push her core against him, his mouth refusing to leave the swell of her clit as she shook underneath him. Her orgasm seeped out of her and drenched his fingers, which he continued to pump in and out until she stopped moving.

He pulled out his digits from her and placed them in his mouth, keeping eye contact with her when he licked them clean off her orgasm. The sound that left her lips was unholy, and it took everything in him to not grin like the Cheshire cat in return.

“You’re stunning,” he told her, and smiled when she moaned at his words.

He moved back towards her face and kissed her hungrily. She could taste herself on his tongue, and the it made her wrap her arms tightly around his neck. She pushed her torso into his, and when her naked crotch made contact with his still clothed dick, she felt how hard he was. She could only imagine how uncomfortable it was, so she let her hands travel from the hard muscles in his back and towards his abdomen, eager to wrap her fingers around his thickness.

Her hands barely had time to touch the soft material before he pulled them away and shook his head at her. “Not tonight,” he told her and stood up to remove the soft material himself.

His boxers ended up on the floor of their bedroom, and he didn’t stop until he was fully bare in front of her, his shirt joining the small pile on the floor. She shamelessly ogled his form from the bed, now sat up and hugging her naked legs against her chest.

He let out a small chuckle at the sight of her, “Enjoying the view?” he asked, getting on his knees in front of her.

She giggled, “Wish I could take a picture,” she answered with a soft smile.

He breathed out a laugh and grabbed onto the hem of her shirt, pulling it off her before letting it join his own clothes on the floor. “Show me,” he told her and she looked up at him with a confused expression, “What else, love? Show me.”

She bit into her bottom lip in thought before nodding and grabbing his wrist. Spreading her thighs so he could step between them, she moved his hand toward her hip. He got her to lay back down as he analysed her skin. It was only then that he saw the faint lines on her body, the stretch marks running from the top of her hip and down to her thigh.

Truth be told, he never paid them much mind. Sure, he’s seen that they were there, but he never would have guessed they caused her such heartache – such pain. He pressed gentle kisses on her hip, smiling against her before moving to hover above her once again.

“You know, all scars tell us is that we survived,” he pointed at his own torso, which was littered with scars of all sizes. Some were short and faint and others long and deep, but they all told the same story; he survived everything that was thrown his way.

She let out a sigh, “They’re not scars, John. They’re stretch marks. I haven’t survived anything.”

“Yeah, you have,” he argued, and she knit her brows in question, “You survive every day, don’t you? No matter what’s thrown at you, you’ve survived it all. Like that time you hit yourself on the table – remember the bruise you had for weeks?” He asked and she nodded, “Look, you might not have survived anything life-threatening, but you survived nonetheless. I mean, you survive with me and my, as you call them, ‘awful hats’ everyday, so that counts for something.” He laughed, “They’re nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart.”

She could feel the tears brimming her eyes at his words. She managed to nod, pulling him into another kiss as her legs wrapped around his torso. She was becoming desperate, his words only making her want him inside her more and more.

“John,” she breathed out, “I love you. I love you so much.”

He groaned when her hand suddenly grabbed onto the base of his cock and pumped him, moving up and down his length. She lined the tip with the wet entrance of her vagina, moaning at the feeling of his hot and sticky skin pressing against her.

“I love you, too,” he managed to say as he pushed inside of her.

The feeling of his cock stretching her out felt heavenly. She could feel every inch of him as he moved inside of her, pushing in until he bottomed out. His pelvis was pressed against her clit, and she clenched her walls around him at the feeling.

He grunted, tightening his hold on her left hip as his other hand moved to rest beside her head. “Fuck,” he cursed, forehead pressing against her shoulder. He tapped his hand against the side of her hip, and she arched against him, her hard nipples pressing deliciously against his hot skin.

Taking the chance, he moved a pillow underneath the small of her back, the slight lift allowing him to push even further into her. His tip pressed against the soft wall of her cervix, and she attempted to move her hips against his.

The desperation was clear on her face when he opened his eyes to look at her. His forehead pressed against hers and he finally moved his hips – slowly, sensually. His thrusts were slow and deep, as though he was trying to reach the deepest depths of her being.

She could feel the love radiating off him; the tenderness of his movements, gentle hold he had on her thigh as he pushed it further up his torso – attempting to reach as deeply as humanly possible – and the way he pressed small kisses against her temple. She could feel it all, and it brought hot tears to her eyes.

He held onto him as the tears began to roll down her cheeks, and her hips moved in sync with his. He whispered her name in her ear, followed by words of adoration, “Fuckin’ beautiful,” he spoke against her ear, his beard tickling her skin.

She clenched around him and her hips stuttered with every word – with every thrust. “So gorgeous,” he continued, lips pressing against the edge of her jaw after every word, “My fuckin’ gorgeous wife.”

Her abdomen felt hot, and the knot that slowly began to form in her stomach was threatening to snap. He could feel it; he could feel her getting closer. He slightly sped up his movements, his pelvis rubbing against her clit with every single thrust.

It was becoming too much. The words of love he chanted in her ear, the way her breasts rubbed against the scarred skin of his chest, and the way his cock pressed against the wall of her cervix with every single thrust. It was too much, and with a clench of her walls, she felt the knot finally break.

A loud moan got past his lips as the feeling of her walls hugging him tighter. His own hips began to stutter, and as she continued to spasm in his arms, her pushed into her with one final thrust.

She felt the warmth of his cum filling up her insides, the feeling only making her whine louder than before. His forehead went to press against hers once more as he fully emptied himself inside of her, his orgasm mixing with hers.

They stayed like that for a moment; he was still inside her, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and bodies remained flushed together. They were both panting, their chests heaving after the passionate and intense session.

When she eventually opened her eyes – her vision slightly blurred from her orgasm – he was already staring back at her. The corners of his lips were pulled into a smile, and his eyes held a softness she had seen many times before, yet would never get tired of.

“Hello, gorgeous,” he whispered, his voice hoarse as he repeated the compliment he had previously chanted like a prayer.

She smiled, her arms loosening around his neck as she moved to cup his cheeks in her palms, “Hello, handsome,” she replied.

With a look full of love, he pressed a kiss against her cheek and pushed himself up to pull out of her. She whined at the feeling of sudden loss, her hands grabbing onto his forearms that were on either side of her head. She could feel his release slowly seeping out of her, and before it could trickle too far down – before their bed sheets were ruined – he picked her up from the bed.

She let out a squeal of surprise when she was lifted into his arms, and with an amused laugh, he took them both to the bathroom. “Bath?” he asked as he placed her on her feet, making sure she was steady and her legs weren’t wobbling.

She held onto his shoulder for a second, but nodded when she felt the feeling return to her legs. As he went to draw them both a bath, she reached for the towel cabinet and pulled out a small, clean rag. She wet it with warm water and just as she was about to wipe it on her thigh, it was taken from her.

John turned her around and pressed her back against the cold sink, making her hiss out at the feeling. He only chuckled when he grabbed one of her thighs and pulled it up towards him, only to then press the warm towel against her hot skin. He cleaned off the stickiness of her thighs, doing the same for himself before pressing the material flush against her crotch, collecting the arousal that had seeped out of her.

She couldn’t help but flinch and moan at the feeling, her mouth falling ajar as she grabbed onto her husband’s bicep. “Sorry, had to clean you up,” he told her with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

She almost rolled her eyes at him, but could only smile when he pulled her in for a kiss. The towel was discarded in the sink as his hands moved to rest on her waist. The skin-on-skin contact was nice, the intimacy of the moment causing a certain peacefulness to fall upon them.

“C’mon,” he eventually said and led her to the bathtub full of hot water.

The moment the water enveloped her, she could feel her muscles relaxing from the warmth that surrounded her. John stepped in behind her and pulled her into his chest, where she rested her head against his shoulder.

His hand moved to lay on the expanse of her stomach, lightly rubbing the area as she nuzzled into him. She finally felt happy, and content with herself. The insecurities that previously burdened her mind were forgotten, and the only thing she could focus on was John, and how he lovingly held onto her. She knew the thoughts would eventually return, and that they would try their very hardest to be the only thing occupying her mind. But she also knew John would be there to put a stop to them every single time.

“Thank you, John,” she whispered into the silence.

All he did in return was press his cheek against the top of her head and hum as he pulled her in even closer towards him. He didn’t say anything, and he didn’t need to, because his actions spoke louder than words ever could.

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fluffysucker · 10 months

Text

Than I was at 16

Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU) Boxer/Biker! Bucky Barnes x Chef! Reader Part of the Miss Americana & The heartbreak Prince. AKA Bucky and his princess

ALL ONESHOTS CAN BE READ AS STAND-ALONE

You didn't expect how your day will turn out to be

A/n: Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female. Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me.

It's my birthday today so this is very self-indulgent. I'm sorry. I needed this. Hope you like it

Main Masterlist

You tried. You tried so hard. You tried to act like you didn't care. Like, it didn't matter. It didn't mean anything to you. But you couldn't. especially now that you were alone.

Moving the food around the plate with no appetite at all. You signed, as you knew you weren't going to eat a bite more. You wrapped the plate up next to the food you donate weekly. You were proud of how almost wasteless your restaurant was.

You got back inside, hoping maybe work would be the way to take your mind off things.

It was nothing. No big deal. That's what you kept repeating in your mind as you worked.

But it all went off the wall when you saw the text from Bucky telling you he was leaving the gym early and to meet at his place later.

You wanted to cry. It was so stupid, but it felt like a stab to your heart.

You knew Bucky wasn't a sentimental man, but he was thoughtful and considerate. He wasn't one for loud affection, but he cared so much.

So why did he forget about your birthday?

It was six o'clock now, and not a single simple 'Happy Birthday'. For the whole week, he had been acting like there was nothing important. He never mentioned it. It was a completely normal week for him.

You couldn't say that didn't hurt. It hurt much more than you wanted to admit.

You knew that the nature of your relationship wasn't like others. You knew yours, and Bucky's personalities had their big differences. And you were okay with that. You enjoyed it most of the time. It was fine.

However, you hoped that maybe today Bucky would be willing to step more into yours.

Birthdays were a big deal for you. Everyone who knew you knew this about you. You cared about birthdays. You thought of it as a chance to show your friends and family how much you truly loved and appreciated them. You wanted the people you love to have a special day every year when they were reminded of how lucky you were to have them and of how great and wonderful they were.

You had already received a couple of texts and calls from some of your family members and friends. But none of them were the ones you wanted.

You expected at least a small happy birthday kiss when you woke up tangled together in your bed this morning. And that would have been enough for you. You would have been the happiest. But you got nothing. You carried on with your routine like any other day. Until you separated at the doors of your workplaces, it was like every day.

But it wasn't. It was your birthday.

You tried to cheer yourself on, reminding yourself that not everybody cares about birthdays like you do. And that was okay.

But you almost shed tears when the staff working with you in the restaurant brought a leftover cupcake from today's work with a candle in it, singing Happy Birthday before you closed.

It was just you and them as all customers had left, and you were closing up the place. They even chipped in and bought you a present. You tried to turn it down politely, but they insisted that they wanted to give you something nice like you always gave them. You almost cried on the spot. But you weren't sure if it was all happy tears.

As you thanked them for the hundredth time before you parted ways so each of you would go home, you couldn't help but feel sadder. Your staff remembered your birthday, and your boyfriend didn't. The young adults took away part of their money to get you a present, and your boyfriend didn't.

While their simple gesture meant the world to you, leaving you with a full heart, you couldn't help but think about how the staff working with you had shown you more love and care than your own boyfriend.

Maybe it was your time to compromise. It had been Bucky who was putting in the most effort so you could meet in the middle. And it was all for your wishes. While you did wait for him, gave him all the time he needed, and took things at his pace, it was he who had to find a new comfort zone where both of you could exist together.

So maybe now it is your turn to give up and learn to accommodate. And Bucky was worth it. So worth it.

But would a small happy birthday have killed him? How could it have slipped his mind like this?

You breathed in and out, trying to keep your emotions together. It was going to be fine. You would get used to it. It was okay.

You loved Bucky so much that you would let go of this. You prioritized your relationship over failed expectations.

You tried freshening your mind, so you chose to walk to Bucky's apartment. It was a bit of a long way, but you didn't mind. You needed it. And it was quite nice.

While the gym and restaurant were in what could be called good areas of the city, Bucky lived upstate. He had a luxurious, big apartment that he refused to call a penthouse. But it kind of was. And it was immaculately decorated. Morden with hints of vintage It took your breath away the first time Bucky brought you.

You weren't going to lie and say you weren't surprised by how comfortable and financially stable Bucky was. You thought boxers always struggled to make ends meet. It was a misconception on your part. You blamed media representation for that.

You greeted the doorman, who you grew to be friendly with as your visits and stays became more frequent. You got in the elevator and pressed the floor number. You reminded yourself for the last time that it didn't matter. It would be better and easier if you let it go.

You got out of the elevator to walk to the back of the floor, where Bucky's apartment was. You noticed the pattern of always preferring the back of a place where privacy was most granted.

You used the key that Bucky gave you a while ago to open the door. You shared the apartments' keys long ago. You were going so steady. Another reminder to yourself not to make a big deal of this

You frowned at the complete silence as you walked in. Hasn't Bucky come back yet?

"Bucky?" You called out of your boyfriend because it wasn't like him to not hear you coming in. You always teased that he somehow had enhanced hearing.

"In the guys room." His voice rang in the apartment.

You put your stuff on the table as you walked into the apartment. The guys room in Bucky's apartment was the second-largest room in the house. And that was why it was the guys room. Because Steve or Sam, sometimes both, stayed over in this room way more than they stayed in their own homes. The closer you got to Bucky, the more you saw how close the three men were. It was a beautiful friendship that you admired. They teased each other and bickered to no end, yet they would die for each other in a heartbeat. You were happy your boyfriend had this kind of bond in his life. He deserved it.

You assumed both men were here as well, and they all left together. It was fine. You enjoyed their company very much.

It was unusual for the guys to have the door of the room closed. But you didn't pay much mind as you opened the door.

You should have.

You stood there in awe, shock expressions written all over your face. Your feet were rooted in their place. It was taking you a moment to comprehend what was in front of you.

The room was bare of any furniture that once occupied it. From the ceiling to the floor, glistening decorations were all over the room. Balloons, foil metallic fringe curtains, and everything. The word "happy birthday" hangs hugely in the centre of the room.

The room looked better than the pictures you see on the internet. It was like it came out of your dreams. Like someone got in your brain and copied it and made it even more beautiful.

Someone who cared so much

The feeling of two strong arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you towards him broke you out of your trance.

"Happy Birthday, Princess." Bucky's raspy voice whispered in your ear.

You turned around to face him. Still unable to form words, you stood on your tiptoes to hug him and bury yourself in him for a moment.

"C'mon, let's celebrate."

The only furniture left in the room was the sofa and table. The table was covered in presents and gifts. In the middle, there was the most gorgeous, wonderful cake you had ever seen in your life.

"You remembered." These were the only words that could come out as surprise wore off.

"Of course I did." Bucky was confused.

"Doll, did you think I forgot about your birthday?" Bucky asked.

Looking at the room from your seat on the sofa, you were ashamed to answer. But Bucky didn't need a verbal answer.

"Oh, princess. I'm so sorry I made you think, though. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to surprise you."

Of course, Bucky remembered. He had been planning for this for over a month now. He had been counting the days until he finally had a day where he could spoil you endlessly. It's not like he needed a special occasion to spoil you. Bucky found out very early on in your relationship that he loved to do things for you. He was happy spending all his money on you. However, you never let him do that in peace. So he couldn't wait for your birthday so you wouldn't complain.

It wasn't his intention to make you think that he had forgotten about your birthday. It was just that he knew that if he said a word to you, he would spell out all his plans. He had no willpower when it came to you. It was like he was a completely different person from you. a person he very much enjoyed.

He didn't even spend two hours at the gym today. He just went to drag Sam and Steve with him. He had a long day ahead of him, and he needed help so the results would be perfect. And both men couldn't do anything but oblige. Moving furniture around was a pretty easy task for the men. However, hanging up balloons presented a great challenge for the men. But they overcame it, thankfully.

"You didn't have to do all of this." You were so grateful for this.

"Of course I did. I wanted to." What kind of boyfriend was Bucky if he didn't go above and beyond for his girlfriend?

"Now, let's celebrate." Bucky took the lighter off the table and lit up the candles on the cake, then started singing Happy Birthday.

In that moment, you felt a surge of emotions. Overwhelming even. The overflowing feeling of being loved engulfed you. There was someone in this world who wanted to celebrate you like you dreamed. Someone who put all the effort into you. Someone who gave you happiness you thought was only in fairy tales. Someone who chose to love you

Someone who was everything and more.

You knew what your wish was going to be this year. And you made it as you blew off the candles.

"Happy Birthday, princess."

Bucky leaned in to kiss you. You kissed him back and deepened the kiss, hoping to let him know how much you loved him.

"Want to open your presents?" Bucky spoke as you broke apart.

"I don't want to hear it. Just see them." Bucky added quickly before you protested that he shouldn't have brought you so many presents.

"Okay. Which one should I start with?" And you listened to him.

"This one." He brought a small box to your hand.

You took the box from him and opened it, only to be stunned.

"Bucky..."

"You don't have to wear it. I just wanted to give it to you." You could tell Bucky was nervous. Maybe he should have left this one to last.

"Are you kidding? This is so beautiful." You brought it out of the box.

Holding in your hand was a simple gold necklace with Bucky's initials in it. You loved it more than you could describe.

You turned your back to Bucky so he could help you put it on. It looked so delicate on your skin, and it meant so much to you.

"I'm never taking it off." You would never.

Bucky smiled at your words. He loved you so much that he didn't believe it sometimes. He gave your lips a little peck.

"That would have been enough of a present." You couldn't help yourself. You didn't want any presents. Every day with Bucky was a gift.

Bucky glared at you, warning you not to say stuff like this again, and let him spoil you once in silence. And you nodded.

The rest of the presenters were a variety of things. all things that you loved and had big interests in. even things you mentioned before. It was heartwarming to see how thoughtful Bucky was.

You are beaming with excitement and joy. Until the last present.

You grabbed the envelope with a tie wrapped around it. You had your eyes on it, but something told you to leave it for last.

And you were right.

"OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD." You got up screaming and jumping.

"Please tell me this is real." You turned to Bucky, holding the paper so tight in your hand.

"I can't joke about this." Bucky answered. His eyes were shining from seeing you so happy. That's all he ever wanted in life. You are happy because of him.

"I love you so much." You shouted as you threw yourself on him, hugging him so tightly.

"I love you too, doll." Bucky giggled as he hugged you back. Your happiness automatically makes him happy as well.

The envelope had tickets for a concert for your favorite singer. They had been your favorite since forever. You always talked about how long you wanted to see them live. But each time, either you couldn't afford it or tickets got sold out so quickly that you didn't get any.

However, Bucky managed to get the tickets. He knew people who knew people. And it was all worth it.

"I wanted to get the tickets for this weekend, but the team wants to celebrate your birthday." Bucky could vividly remember the look Natasha gave him when he told her they didn't need to do anything for you and that he was already planning something for you. If looks could kill, He would have been dead. How dare he think that they wouldn't celebrate your birthday? Their favorite sunshine. The audacity.

At the moment, right now, Yelena was already ordering the cake for the weekend, while Natasha was impressed by Steve and Sam's skills at hanging up balloons quickly.

Steve and Sam had no idea how they got dragged to decorate for your birthday twice on the same day. However, they weren't complaining at all. It was like having a little sister. So they were very okay with it.

"I got an extra ticket, so you can bring whoever you want with you." Bucky knew you had a couple of friends who were fans as well. He wanted you to have the choice to pick as you liked.

You had already picked.

"I know it's not to your taste so much, but would you join me and go together?" This concert had been your dream for so long, and you couldn't think of anyone other than Bucky to experience it with.

You wanted to be holding his hand as you watched your favorite singer take the stage. You wanted to dance with him as your favorite love songs played. Because all the love songs are about him now.

"I would love nothing more." Bucky replied before you could tell him that he could turn it down. He wanted to go with you. He wanted to see you check something off your Wishlist.

"I get to pick your outfit, though." You added, laughing.

"We will see about that." Bucky joked, but he knew he would wear anything if it meant making you happy.

You looked at Bucky with so much love and adoration. everything he did for you. You were beyond thankful.

"Thank you, Bucky."

"Thank you for being born."

Years ago, you were born to bring so much light and joy to this world. Years later, you become his light and joy.

And he wanted to spend all his life celebrating you.

Today was better than you ever expected.

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eliashirsch · 4 months

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God Tier Top Gun Fanfictions. A Masterlist. (2/3)

Part two of my fanfic recommendation! This one's for the best series!

Winner Categories:

1. Best of the Best Authors (1/3)

2. Best of the Best Series (2/3)

3. Best of the Best Fics (3/3)

REMINDER! READ THE AUTHORS' TAGS AND WARNINGS!!!

Best of the Best Series

Some of the best series where every work is a banger. Binge read these and have fun!

and i think it's gonna be a long, long time by boasamishipper @boasamishipper

The Captain Marvel AU of Top Gun, with Maverick Mitchell as Carol Danvers and Iceman Kazansky as Maria Rambeau.

These are so fun and interesting! I love how well Ice and Mav fit in the Marvel universe. My favorite is this one:

screaming in the sonar

“Kazansky’s missing,” Fury says. Everything in Maverick’s body goes cold. He feels like the very breath from his lungs has been sucked out, leaving him nothing but a gaping chasm of terror. “What?” “He was reported missing three days ago; I just found out today. There were signs of a struggle at his house, and…” Here Fury hesitates, and Maverick knows that whatever will follow cannot be good. “There was a ransom message left on his communicator, Maverick. It was written in Kreeglyphs.”

Mav going berserk because they hurt Ice. Chef’s kiss. I keep rereading these stories every few months and I’m always delighted to read it again. boasamishipper, your brain is truly magnificent!

look at the sky and you will always find me by dangerousinlove @gohoubi

Iceman/Maverick fics.

Seventy five, SEVENTY FIVE of some of the most creative and heart-wrenching Icemav fics. It’s short, but a lot of them have categories, like Retirement-Verse or Wolf!Iceman-Verse, so if you’re looking for bite-sized fics within the same universe, check these out. My favorite:

blood in the water

After his cancer, Iceman finds out that going back to normal is harder than he thought.

Heavy angst, like really heavy. Absolutely decimated my heart. But it’s a possible scenario and it makes me sadder when I think about Ice’s cancer and how surviving affected him.

Gayboy Airlines & Goose, LLC by aelibia @topgunreacts

Bits and pieces of Maverick's life as an amateur and later pro dom. Also Ice is there.

Of course, aelibia deserves a second mention because they’re just that good. Aside from AortaArgent, aelibia’s one of the authors I trust to write about sex. Their writing makes blood rush south but also to the heart. My favorite:

Product Testing

Somebody has to test out all these sex toys. Might as well be Ice and Maverick. [oneshot series with standalone chapters]

The portrayal of Icemav’s sex is fun and familiar, the kind of act born from years of vulnerability and complete trust in each other. It kind of showed me that sex can be fun, it doesn’t have to be so hot and serious all the time. You can get off but you can laugh while doing so. Overall, a very good portrayal of a different kind of sex that I don't often find.

#tell me if i wrongly tagged the wrong person or input the wrong link:')#the third part of this rec list is CHUNKY #it's so long #so is my johnson;)#icemav #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #iceman x maverick #top gun #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #top gun fic rec #fanfiction rec list #fanfic rec #fanfiction recommendation

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hobiebrownismygod · 5 months

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Have an angsty snippet of my Hobie Brown x Reader fanfiction lol

This is what I headcanon his backstory is something like

TW: Blood, grief, death, very minor fluff, Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day (not really a trigger but whatever), Hobie's lines are bolded btw

A/N I KNOW GREEN DAY DIDN'T EXIST IN HOBIE'S TIME BUT I LOVE THIS SONG SO LET ME HAVE MY FUN 😭

~2k words

___________________

"Aww Hobes, what are you doing?"

A 9 year-old Hobie Brown looked up at his big brother, his stubby little fingers still attached the chords of the older boy's new guitar. "I'm just looking!" he replied with a cheeky grin, holding the guitar back when his brother tried to grab it.

"Oi, give it back you prick!" The boy laughed, trying to snatch it again. Hobie danced away giggling, holding the guitar over his head. "Come and get-HEY!" The older boy tackled Hobie to the floor and pried the guitar out of his hands, holding it back out of his reach.

"ABEEE!!" Hobie whined, his arms folded tightly over his chest. "Give it back!"

"You stole it first!" Abe giggled,

"You're a jerk!"

"Who taught you that word?" Abe asked, wagging his finger at his little brother teasingly. "You're too little to be using mean words like that."

Hobie groaned, turning away from his brother and huffing. After a moment, the older boy sighed and crouched down behind his brother. "Ya want me to show you a couple chords?"

Hobie's face lit up. "Yea!"

Ten minutes later, he was all bundled up in his brother's arms while he showed him the different strings. "Alright this one's A." Abe put three fingers on the guitar and strummed it. Hobie nodded along, the side of his head on his brother's chest.

"And this one's A7. This one's A minor, this one's B minor, and this one's B7"

"I can't remember all those!" Hobie groaned.

"Alright, alright!" his brother said with a laugh. "How about I play you a song instead?"

"Okay." Hobie pulled out of his brothers arms to sit back against the old, broken down couch, a smile on his face as he waited for his brother to begin.

The older boy smiled at his little brother, pulling his hair back before resetting the guitar in his lap, fingers pressed against the chords.

He began playing. It wasn't the original song, more of a quiet, sadder, solo version. Hobie closed his eyes with a grin, taking a deep breath in. Even if it wasn't the real deal, he loved listening to his brother sing. His warm voice, the sound of the strums...it made him feel safe.

I walk a lonely road

The only one that I have ever known

Don't know where it goes

But it's home to me, and I walk alone~

His brother hummed to the music, tapping his foot to the ground to follow the beat. Hobie followed, moving his head side to side with every tap, his fingers fidgeting together as he smiled up at Abe.

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one, and I walk alone~

Abe was really all he had left. He used to have a lot of siblings, two sisters and one brother other than Abe. He was the youngest of the five and of course, the rowdiest. His parents had been pretty cool too, his dad worked at a radio station and his mom had been a stay-at-home mom.

I walk alone, I walk alone

His youngest sister had gone first. She was only a year older than Hobie, but she had been less than five pounds as a baby and always had problems with sickness and diseases. After the water had been contaminated by another one of Oscorp's toxic waste dumps...well she had been the first to go. Her and children from nearly every family in the neighborhood.

My shadow's the only one who walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then, I walk alone~

Then went his mother. She was so grief-stricken by his sister's death that she went into depression. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, and eventually the water got to her too. They were buried only a few months apart.

I'm walking down the line

That divides me somewhere in my mind

On the borderline

Of the edge, and where I walk alone

His middle brother, three years older than him, went into a rage about the water. He was young, but old enough to do something about it. He went to the station and when they didn't do anything, he made a fuss. He wrote letters to the city board, protested in front of stations and then one day, they took him to jail. He was beat to death two days later, just a few hours before his bail was accepted.

Read between the lines

What's fucked up, and everything's alright

Check my vital signs

To know I'm still alive, and I walk alone

Eventually, the water was fixed. It became, not the cleanest, but better. Babies stopped dying. People were surviving.

Then the riots started.

People were angry. Everyone hated the police, the officers that patrolled the streets everyday yet did nothing to stop everyday crime. Fights would break out, shots would be fired, and eventually his sister, his oldest sister, got caught in the crossfire.

Someone had stolen her school bag. She asked the police officer nearby if he'd seen who'd taken it. She'd had her hands in her pockets.

He thought she had a gun.

He shot her.

And then there were three.

I walk alone, I walk alone

His father didn't let anything stop him. After his sister's death, he started using his job to make a difference. He spoke out about Osborne on the radio every day. He rallied people together, he told them not to take what was going on in the community.

And then Osborne himself came after him.

He took down his radio station, burnt it to the ground, and threw his father into jail. The poor old man couldn't stand it. He'd lost his wife, most of his kids...the stress was too much. Within months, he'd died too.

It was just Hobie and his brother left.

Him and Abe against the world.

My shadow's the only one who walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating

Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

'Til then, I walk alone~

Abe did a lot to take care of him. He sold their old, rackety house for a tiny apartment. He worked odd jobs day and night, trying to provide for Hobie. Instead of taking the risk of sending him to school, Abe taught Hobie at home. Especially math and science, something both of the boys shared a love for.

They grew close. Hobie loved his older brother, more than anything in the world. He looked up to him.

He wanted to be like him.

So of course, when his brother started pasting up punk posters next to the couch, bringing home crazy-looking albums and sporting spiked jackets, Hobie couldn't help but want to follow in his footsteps.

Even now, while he stared at his brother in such adoration, bundled up in blankets, half-asleep while Abe sang, he wanted to be like him. Tall, strong, always looking forward. A rock. A steady, strong, beautiful rock.

That's what he wanted to be.

I walk this empty street

On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Where the city sleeps

And I'm the only one, and I walk alone~

Abe finished, setting the guitar down with a sigh, gaze meeting his little brother's again. "How was that? I've improved, haven't I?"

Hobie practically jumped into his brother's arms to give him a hug. "Can you sing it again?" He asked tentatively, picking up the guitar.

"Aww, Hobes! I'm not doing that all again!" Abe said, shaking his head with a laugh. When he saw his brother's pleading expression though, he rolled his eyes. "Ugh. Fine. Ya little brat." He pushed Hobie off playfully before pulling up the guitar again and grinning a toothy grin.

_________________

10.5 years later

_________________

Hobie woke up with a gasp, sitting up straight. His face was wet, cheeks tearstained. What was that?

Abe...he'd completely forgotten about that memory. Hearing his favorite song for the first time. He held his chest tightly, taking deep, shaky breaths. Where was he?

Knocked out in an alleyway...he barely remembered what'd happened. The last thing he could remember was slamming into the wall, falling to the ground, and completely knocking out.

Except...something else had happened. It was only then when Hobie noticed his suit, which was newly black, with white lines. His jacket had disappeared, and the spikes that had used to be a part of it were attached to his suit instead. He pulled at his mask...but it wouldn't come off. It was stuck.

Shit.

He felt completely disoriented, that dream-no memory, had thrown him off. Of all the times he could've recalled that, it had to be now. Of all the times...

He missed his brother. When he reached his hand up to feel his mask, he felt it was wet. He'd been crying. But he'd also been knocked out.

What the hell?

It had to be the Venom. It was talking to him again...changing him. He couldn't let it take over again. He had to stay strong. Not just for himself, but for you.

He had to be strong.

Just like Abe had been.

_____________________

Full Fanfiction being written here:

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cult-of-the-eye · 1 month

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I think I may need to elaborate on my post about age in tma.

a part of me wonders if jon would've seen gertrude differently if he was closer to her age? maybe he'd trust her viewpoint just slightly more with the idea of seeing her as more of a peer than a senile old lady. also tim's entire storyline would be even sadder if he was a 53 year old man unable to heal from the death of his brother that occurred over 30 years ago. maybe elias could've been an upstart, young 29 year old who inherited the nonprofit from his "father", so we get a different set up of trusting his "modern" vision and then later seeing the inconsistencies and horrors. Also elias' constant youthfulness could very easily juxtapose everyone else's age, foreshadowing the questions around his identity, because what is this guy who's 20 years younger than all of his employees doing running the entire joint and how does he continue showing his young age in every single one of his actions? Jon may have been even more impatient with Martin, seeing as though his age suggests that he should vaguely know what he's doing in his job. He's not new to the job market and knows he should be filing the statements much faster. The tea is even more significant cause fuck it all middle aged people love tea and have perfected the way they like it. It feels more...sacred to have someone else make it when you know that perfection so well.

Also old man yaoi??? Old woman yuri??? We truly missed out, I feel.

#i guess i just wanted some exhausted middle aged people to go through some shit #i just think it would be neat #also thinking about toxic old women yuri daisira is actually giving me a heart attack #tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #rambles #cult rambles #martin k blackwood #jmart #tim stoker #tma aus

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milkytheholy1 · 1 month

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TMNT Masterlist

2003:

Leo:

Third base - Leo x Female Reader

Hey everyone, I currently have two requests left to do but I really want to get some stories that I personally came up with as well. I really want to try writing for different versions of the turts besides 2012 and Rise even if they are my fav versions. Sorry if the character interactions are a bit iffy in this one, I haven't seen much of the 2003 series I'm only up to season 2.

Donnie:

Drawn to you - Donnie x GN Reader

No, the tech-savvy turtle was drawn to you by your persistence, by the way you poured yourself into your work, how you understood the need to complete something no matter how long it took.

Mikey:

Turtle titan to the rescue! - Mikey x Female Reader

Okay so far warning, I haven’t really watched past season 3 of the 2003 series, I have been working my way through it though. So some characters might not sound or act like how they should from the show and I might end up getting some stuff wrong, so sorry in advance. This story will flip between 1st and 3rd person narrative.

2012:

All Turtles:

Turtle Power part 1

What if you included even more turtles in the hit tmnt movie, TMNT:Turtles Forever? This isn't an X Reader fic and takes places in the 2012 universe...well, for the start at least.

Leo:

Dear diary - Leo x GN Reader

Leo practicing how to ask them out with many many scripts for acting in front of a mirror:") or maybe they find out about his diary! You can pick

A confident strut - Leo x GN Reader

Went with the first one since it's been some time since I wrote for my 2012 boy! This is going to be set before the whole sister reveal, but I wanna make it clear that I do not ship Karai and Leo together cause that shit is gross. Enjoy!

I heard you - Leo x Female Reader

The reader,who has a crush on Leo, waits by Leo's side for him to wake up in the farm house and she is so relieved when he wakes up after months

Not traditional - Leo x Male Reader

The reader is giving Leo a whole sexuality crisis so Leo asks April if it's weird for a guy to like another guy and April reassures him that it's perfectly normal, and later that week Leo accidentally slips that he likes (y/n) and in a flash the have this little moment of understanding that they both like each other and want to be more than friends.

Goodbye Leonardo part 1 - Leo x Female Reader

I know what you're thinking, two stories in one night? This is somewhat based on the season four episode: Broken Foot. Also sorry it's so long but I had to fill in some blanks to get to the build-up of the story and sorry for the rushed ending it's currently past midnight where I'm from and I'm very tired.

Goodbye Leonardo part 2 - Leo x Female Reader

Okay, okay, you'll get your stinking part 2. This is probably one of the most requested fics I've ever done, the original intention was to leave it as a standalone fic. But, because you all seem eager for more I eventually broke and decided to do it. This is set a few years after the original and doesn't follow the episode 'Broken Foot' like the original oneshot. In my opinion, it's also waaay more angsty and it might actually be sadder than the first one. So I hope the wait was worth it, enjoy!

Donnie:

Wrong about me - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie gets cheated on by April and (y/n) finds out and hurts April's feelings then comforts Donnie?

Hot - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie was talking about some science stuff the last 20 minutes, but reader can't fully pay attention to what he's saying because they're just thinking about his voice, his gestures and everything. They think "don't you realize how hot you are?", but Donnie stops talking and reader realizes they just said that out loud and now they want to die.

Happy birthday - Donnie x GN Reader

it’s the reader’s birthday and the turtles just find out and they have to quickly set up a surprise birthday for the reader.

Well done science boy - Donnie x GN Reader

Had this idea in my head for a few days so thought I'd post it, I wanted to make it a shorter story than what I normally do but I got too lost in it and it ended up being just as long, oops. Hope you enjoy!

Hello nurse - Donnie x Female Reader

Literally did this so I could pull off one reference, that's all. Enjoy!

Raph:

Hots for you - Raph x Female Reader

Raph finds out that his girlfriend is bisexual?

Heard you from a mile away - Raph x GN Reader

not going to lie I had to search up what it meant, decided to do Raph since i've never written for him before in the 2012 version. So if this comes across as out of character, apologies. Anyway, enjoy!

2014/2016: Leo:

Red lips - Leo x Female Reader

“Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.”

Donnie:

Five years - Donnie x Female Reader

Donnie creates a portal that transports them to 2021.

Five years alt ending - Donnie x Female Reader

It’s weird how many people have asked me for them to have kids, but I guess if that’s what you guys want to see then here is a short version 2, if you will, of five years. Be sure to read the original or it won’t really make much sense, this is just the ending. Enjoy!

Life is a dream part 1 - Donnie x GN Reader

You felt the small vibrations of your phone in your pocket, pulling it out you saw Donnie was once again calling you crap, "H-hey Donnie, I promise I'm on Allen Street. I'm like less than a minute away." you panted into the device. You could hear his sigh through the speaker, "Don't worry about it, I'm just wasting valuable pop tart time." he joked, your laughter was his reward.

Part 2 - Donnie x GN Reader

Speaking of the brothers, Mikey was sat playing some video games while leaning over to slurp his coke, you could hear panting and the sounds of something being destroyed coming from the dojo Raph. Finally taking lighter steps into the lair, you could smell a sweet fragrance waft through the air Leo.

Part 3 - Donnie x GN Reader

"Do you remember that video where the cat plays chopsticks with the chopsticks?" Mikey asked, pushing aside Donnie and getting closer to your face. You flinched at his close proximity, your mind still trying to adjust to your bright surroundings. "Can we focus here?" Leo argued, pulling Mikey away from you, he securely wrapped his arm around his younger brother in case he felt the need to jump at you again.

Final part - Donnie x GN Reader

"What?" he asked, "Can I ask you something?" You pondered why you were willing to tell Raph some of your deep, dark thoughts and not someone like Donatello "It's a free country," he quipped going back to his knitting. "Right," you said, glancing down to avoid making eye contact "It's just that...do you think- feel like something is off?"

Mikey:

Parading in style - Mikey x Male Reader

So I don’t know much about pride parades in NYC but I can only imagine they’re triple the ones from where I’m from, I’m also not going to give you a description of Mikey’s human form as that can be up to you. I’ve learned from experience that everyone has a different view of these characters and it’s unfair to the reader to force them to take my view of what he could look like, so yeah he looks like whatever you want him to. Hope you enjoy!

Raph:

A cold night in new - Raph x Female Reader

Reader's apartment building's heat went out during a really chilly spring day, so when raph comes over he's all like "why tf does she have the thermostat on 5 degrees", but then he finds her cuddled up with tons of blankets on the couch, watching tv. after turning down the volume, reader explains the situation with the heat while shivering and clutching the blankets. raph has a brilliant plan for this.

Begging - Raph x Female Reader

Bayverse Raph and his S.O get into a huge fight and he hurts her feelings and Raph found her on the rooftop crying and he asks for forgiveness

Seeing you - Raph x Female Reader

The reader feels invisible and lonely, so she confides in Raph and telling him how her current boyfriend is using and abusing her. Then later on Raph confesses his feelings for the reader but her abusive boyfriend catches the reader and raph together.

I promise - Raph x Female Reader

The reader has scars from her mother and she shows Raph while crying about them and Raph listens and comforts her.tumblr

#tmnt masterlist #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016

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stephaniebrownslover · 5 months

Note

Uh do you have any headcanons about Jeff and Liu's relationship (not as a loveship)? İn their past or after the accident. It could be both of them

I hope I didn't ask for anything difficult (╥﹏╥)

Hiiiii anon, okay so thank you so much first of all for asking.

I don't know do you mean my main AU or general headcanons, and that's totally my fault, so I'm just gonna use main AU if that's okay with you. If not and you want random headcanons, I apologize and I'll try again.

And don't worry at all, I'll be pleased to write!!

Also, people who ship Jeff and Liu, please stay the fuck away from me.

JEFF AND LIU'S RELATIONSHIP

Before that night

When Jeff and Liu were little, they were not only brothers, but also two really close friends. They would do everything together and support each other all the time. They were always there for each other while growing up.

When Liu was bullied as a child, Jeff helped him by beating up his bullies. Even then, it was obvious how much anger issued he had even as a child, but his parents didn't feel the need to do anything because they thought it was just a child's anger.

When they got a little older, Liu was always in Jeff's shadow among the students. Among the teachers, Jeff was always in the background.

Liu was constantly ridiculed by other students, and praised by teachers about what a good and polite kid he was. Jeff was a popular guy who got along well with other children, and the teachers hated him and constantly complained to his parents.

But they both had each other. They thought that they would overcome all the bad events they had experienced together and escape this life. They loved it, but it broke their hearts that their parents were a little too careless about some things. Especially when they didn't come to school shows because of work, Jeff was consoling his younger brother, who was sadder than he was, even though he was angry.

Jeff was constantly teasing with Liu, and Liu was telling him what a stupid person he was, but neither of them cared because they knew that neither of them was not serious.

The favorite of the family, of course, was Liu. Liu was always praised and Jeff was always scolded. Although Jeff didn't like it, Liu hated it even more. According to him, Jeff had his own achievements, and they should be appreciated.

They liked to play games together. They were organizing video game tournaments and betting. Even though Jeff was the one who taught Liu these things, Liu was a better gamer than him. Of course, this might also be due to things such as Jeff trying to kick the referee, who is an extra, while playing a football match.

Whenever Jeff hung out with his friends, he would never see Liu down because he was small and he would invite him to hang out with them. Liu was really grateful for this, but he began to refuse this offer after growing up, because Jeff's friends did not like him.

Jeff's only sensitive point was his younger brother Liu. People could insult him all they wanted, but when they said a word to Liu, they would find Jeff's fist in front of them.

They were both very dear to each other and they were the ones who understood each other the best.

The 5-year period from that night to their first meeting after

First of all, their relationship was completely broken off. Liu was dead, and Jeff was incredibly remorseful that he was the cause of this. That's why he visited his grave almost every week and told him about the developments in his life. If Liu were alive, he would have done exactly this.

But there was also something that Jeff didn't know. Liu wasn't dead. He was alive, he was breathing, and he hated Jeff. He wanted to kill Jeff and was determined to avenge his family.

For this reason, Liu followed Jeff for a while without showing himself in any way. He thought that he wanted to catch him at his most vulnerable moment, in fact, he did not realize that he missed his brother, no matter what mistakes he made.

When he saw that he was visiting his grave in a close to regular manner, he felt that he was drowning in many mixed emotions. But the most outweighing of these feelings was longing. Liu was missing his brother.

Jeff, who never admits his mistakes even though he knows he's wrong, would do anything to see Liu face to face just one more time and apologize. Because that was the thing he regrets the most in his life.

After following Jeff for a while and seeing what a miserable life he had, Liu decided that things couldn't stay this way any longer. Jeff needed him as much as ever.

But Liu wasn't sure what he would face. He didn't know how Jeff would treat him or how he would react to learning that he wasn't dead.

So he decided to take a hand in the situation. He started leaving notes and signs that could only belong to him. This had two purposes. If Jeff react them well, he would show himself after a while and they would become brothers again. If Jeff react it badly, he would have both taken revenge on him in a small way and he would return to his plan to kill Jeff.

And the result was a complete mess.

Jeff almost got even crazier. He thought that someone had found out secrets about Liu, and he was extremely aggressive towards everyone. Others were already tired of him and his behavior wasn't helping at all. He started attacking people more, experiencing mental breakdowns more often, and becoming thoroughly paranoid.

But when he visited Liu's grave, the situation was different. He started telling his memories of when Liu was alive and talking about how much he missed him. He was saying a copycat of him was for using him and how he would find this person and torture him to trying to do such a thing.

And he did as he told. Liu did not like birds since he was a a kid, and one day, while he was secretly watching Jeff at the grave, a bird came very close to him. When Liu was startled by this, he made a little noise, and Jeff instantly got on his guard and asked who was there.

Forced to show up eventually, Liu sarcastically apologized for his plan being foiled so early. Having seen Jeff for a while, he wasn't even half as surprised as he was. The only thing he wanted was to hug his brother, who he had to observe from a distance all this time.

Jeff, on the other hand, was in complete shock. At first he shouted that he was a hallucination and tried to harm him. However, due to the knife that slightly tangentially passed into Liu's hand, his hand bled slightly and he realized that the Liu he saw in front of him was real.

Jeff collapsed to the ground because his legs were refusing to carry him any further.

Thinking that he regretted doing this, Liu relented and slowly collapsed on the ground next to him. He hugged Jeff while crying and babbling apologies in a row. And after a while, he got this moment that he had been waiting for for years.

Years later, the two brothers had reunited. Liu's grave had enabled Jeff to make up for his mistakes for the second time. (Nina's part)

Currently

No matter how big mistakes have been made in the past, they have a relationship that can be considered good right now. Of course, it's not a normal relationship, but it's the healthiest human relationship Jeff has in his new life.

They're not staying together. Jeff stays in a cabin in the forest with proxies and a few staff members because he needs to stay under the control of Slenderman, and Liu has enough money to rent his own house since he writes anonymously as a job and is also successful in his job.

But they see each other often. Although they are usually supposed to meet in the forest because of Jeff's appearance, sometimes they go to the city or Liu's house together while Jeff is wearing a mask.

Liu didn't introduce him to anyone both because he dedicated her life to finding Jeff so he doesn't have anyone he's that close to, and even if he did, it would be too risky. Jeff, on the other hand, introduced Liu to everyone he knew. Of the proxies, the person Liu gets along with the best is Hoodie, and the person he gets along with the best in general is 'Eyeless' Jack.

They really have fun when they're together, and Jeff even manages to make someone as serious as Liu laugh. They care about each other and they will not allow any resentment to come between them again.

Jeff and Sully, on the other hand, don't get along very well. Although Sully still wants to kill Jeff, Jeff tries not to insult him because Liu and Sully have a good relationship now. While he's not very successful, at least he's trying.

At the moment, despite their past, it can be said that they have a fairly good sibling relationship.

Long ass post, sorry about that.

But I hope you enjoyed it!!

#my first main au question #i'm so excited #thank you so much #for spending time #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #creepy #homicidal liu #jeff the killer #liu woods #liu creepypasta #jeff woods #jeff creepypasta

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auberge13 · 3 months

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I want to talk about one of my favorite little comic details.

The first picture is Supergirl (2016) issue #33. The second is Superman (2018) issue #14. They are both depicting the same moment- when Jon Kent first pitches the idea for the United Planets- but they go about it in very different ways. When I was discussing these panels, a friend of mine suggested that these are showing the different ways Kara and Clark see Jon at this moment, so let's take a look.

In Kara's pov, Jon is confident in his suggestion. "I" is bolded in the lettering which emphasizes his certainty in his idea, and he is drawn clearly more sure of himself than in the Superman panel. His suggestion may be a little overly-casual, but he's still young, and in the Supergirl panel it's easier to read it as a clear, effective way to get his point across quickly. Kara sees Jon as mature and self-possessed here.

Meanwhile, in Clark's pov, Jon seems more unsure. "Think" is bolded, which conveys that Jon is uncertain in this suggestion- he thinks he knows but he may be wrong. In the first panel he's drawn smaller and standing behind Clark, and even as he is saying his idea he looks like he doesn't know exactly where he's going with this. In this framing, it almost seems like Jon is being completely serious with his suggestion of a "time-out" with no further idea beyond this, like he's playing tag on the playground. That's the heart of Clark's pov here- Jon seems childish.

Of course, it makes sense that Clark would see Jon this way at this point. Just three weeks ago for Clark Jon was 11. Clark hasn't had the time to get used to the change, and certainly not enough time to accept it. At the same time, Kara is more removed from the situation- she cares about Jon but not with the same intensity and proximity that Lois and Clark do- and while she is surprised when she first sees older Jon, she's able to quickly put whatever feelings she has about it aside and focus on her mission. Which makes perfect sense! She's learning the truth of what destroyed Krypton, that's massive for her! She's too busy to have feelings about Jon, whereas this is the biggest thing happening in Clark's life right now.

Kara's lack of emotional bias here implies that her pov of the moment is the more accurate one. This is supported by the fact that, based on what we've learned throughout this book, Jon would not be timid about this suggestion. During this arc, we see Jon gain a very personal understanding of the dangers that come when people don't engage in honest, open, effective communication and don't listen to each other.

(Superman (2018) issues #8 #9 and #10 respectively)

It makes him angry! And now he's taking his chance to do something about it! He knows this is a good idea. The Jon we've seen in books before this and the Jon we'll see after would not be unsure about this suggestion, which makes Clark's way of seeing the scene even sadder. After missing so many years of his son's life he can't bring himself to really see the young man in front of him doing something extraordinary.

#jon kent #clark kent #kara zor el #superman #supergirl #dc meta

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rdng1230 · 3 months

Note

what movies would tommy make them watch for movie night? in your correct opinion <3

GAH I WAS LITERALLY BUSY READING YOUR FIC. the "Tommy was Buck's first crush as a kid and now here he is" one, Not even joking I've already sent it to people on three different continents. I owe you my life.

Anywho!!!! God I am so hyper specific about how I pick out movies depending on the day/vibe/etc and I feel like Tommy would be similar (but he'd be about 10000% more chill about it than me, I am a goddamn tyrant) Hmmmmmm ok Here's a very random assortment of movies I think he'd suggest and the attached circumstances that would lead him to suggest it.

Just in general, I think Mr. "The world started the day I was born" is going to still have a giant list of pre 90's films he's not gotten to yet and Tommy makes it his goddamn mission in life to show Evan what he's been missing. I tried to avoid the movies that Buck would've probably already gotten to like The Princess Bride, Wizard of Oz, The Godfather, the Breakfast Club, etc. I wanted ones that would be like the number 4 on the top 3 must watch list of whatever category.

I already wrote a scene in my fic of this but Tommy loves Moonstruck and they watch it after a nice night in with Italian food from Tommy's Nonna.

Chim is downright offended when he finds out Buck and Tommy watched Lethal Weapon without him, but ummm.... it was probably better he wasn't there.

Ok picture this, its a hot day, maybe a little cloudy. Tommy and Buck are in the mood for something sappy. Buck keeps telling Tommy they have got to start knocking some things off the 'Audrey Hepburn' list, but neither of them are feeling very '50's. Buck's wrist is busted from an overly risky move at work and Tommy gets an evil glint in his eye. They end up watching Always (Which is about pilots during wild fire season, the main pilot pulls something too risky and dies, and he ends up in the afterlife where his ghost mentor is played by Audrey Hepburn) the whole time Buck's getting teary and he keeps saying "Oh I hate you" to Tommy as sad moments in the movie happen. He squeezes Tommy's hand, a silent promise that he'll be more careful (and that Tommy better be careful at work too because he'd kill him again if ghost Tommy behaved the way the ghost protagonist did in the movie.) Smoke Gets In Your Eyes gets put on their wedding playlist.

I can't remember if I wrote this down somewhere or if I just thought about it a lot but Buck really takes to the Nick and Nora movies from the 30's and Buck is so endeared by Tommy's phoney transatlantic accent. it become's a running joke with them and the first time Buck responds with his own equally dorky accent Tommy has to physically bite down from saying I love you because its way too soon and he doesn't want to freak him out.

This is cheating a little because this movies only like 10 years old but They find out they both love the Secret Life of Walter Mitty. It's one of the movies that inspired Buck to go out and become something, and he watched it a lot, particularly during his cowboy era. Tommy loves it because its a movie about being brave enough to let yourself grow. Buck makes a lot of "Major Tom" jokes afterwards.

Buck loves Sleepless in Seattle (one of the one's he had knocked off the classics list), but he's never seen An Affair to Remember because the clips in Sleepless always made it look way sadder than it actually was. Tommy's like "Ok it is sad at some parts but just trust me" Tommy realizes he's created a monster with Buck's Cary Grant crush.

Oh also Tommy loves the Holiday as well as Love Actually and they make it a double feature every year in mid December (although Tommy does put it on year round) as a side note, I also watch Love Actually way too much and eventually I will write a fic defending that movie and going into angsty details about the soundtrack using Tommy to voice all of my thoughts, apologies in advance.

#I'm really interested to see what would happen if you ask me this question on a moody fall day. lets reconvene in 4 months ok?#movies are so seasonal to me I will forget my favorite movies of all time if it aint the season for em #bucktommy #Tommy kinard #Evan buckley

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noorpersona · 8 months

Text

Broken Telephone Pt.1

You talk too much and have no shame. You later find out Kugisaki can’t keep a secret.

Chaos ensues.

It was a normal day.

Well, as normal as it could be at a school for sorcerers.

You’d just finished a long, obscene amount of useless classes that in no way would help you in the future as you sat on the steps of the school’s entrance, feeling the sun hit your face. The spring weather was nice, sun shining and heat settling in, with cool breezes of wind to neutralize it. The sound of the wind through the trees was calming.

Even though you couldn’t hear any of it due to Kugisaki’s talking.

You didn’t mind it though. In a school with a shockingly small amount of students, and an even smaller first-year class, you liked the empty spaces to be filled with noise. Kugisaki and Itadori did that well.

The silence was boring anyway.

“-I swear he’s so childish, there’s a reason why girls don’t like him you know.” You zone in on her irritated voice, taking a sip from the drink you bought from the vending machine.

Ah right. She was complaining about Itadori. What about him, though, you couldn’t remember. Maybe it was about the sudden revival from the dead, but honestly, it’s a toss-up at this point.

“Girls don’t like him? I mean he’s childish sure, but they’re are plenty of girls who like that.” Despite the fiery personality of Kugisaki, you, on the other hand, were much the calmer side, more cool-headed you could say. Of course, there are moments where you lose said cool, but for the most part, you’d consider yourself a pacifist.

This is ironic considering your livelihood at the moment is killing curses.

Maybe that’s why you and Kugisaki got along so well. Well, that and the fact that you two were the only girls in first-year, and like she said, ‘Us girls gotta stay together. Can’t have the boys running the show’ which you do agree with. In the jujutsu world there aren’t many respected female sorcerers, and Kugisaki intends to change that. Along with Maki-senpai.

You found it admirable. But you personally wouldn’t go through the trouble. Fame and demanded respect from others you didn’t care about wasn’t something you were exactly interested in.

“Hah? Really? Well, would you date him?” You go to respond, but pause. She had a good point. Now, you didn’t have any problems with Itadori, even though he swallowed a special-grade cursed object, that was a little weird.

Okay, a lot weird.

But for the most part, he was just a friend. You did care a lot for him surprisingly when he ‘died’ you were sadder than you expected yourself to be, and a lot angrier when he was found alive, but honestly…

He simply didn’t do it for you.

“Nah, he isn’t my type.” You say causally, taking another sip of your drink. Kugisaki quirks her brow.

“What is your type then?” She asks, slyly studying you, probably trying to make sure that you don’t lie. Your form stays relaxed as you think about it. A person immediately pops in your head and without thinking you blurt it out.

“Someone like Fushiguro. How about you?” The sentence makes the chill atmosphere, or as chill as it could be with someone like Kugisaki, break in an instant.

“What?! You can’t just drop a bomb like that and try to pass it off!” Your eyes widen as she gets inches away from your face. The flame in her eyes was so close you could practically feel the heat coming off them.

“Fushiguro?! You like him?!” You start to sweat a little at the accusing tone in her voice, the pressure making your heart suddenly beat ten times faster. You could imagine this is how criminals feel when being interrogated.

“Uh… Yeah? I mean, what’s not the like? He’s attractive, smart, and puts himself before others.” You start to list off, stopping when you hear a ‘tch’ of disapproval. Honestly, you could’ve listed dozens of other reasons. Though you’ve only known him for a couple of months, you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t fallen hard, probably more than you’re letting on right now. You blush slightly at your thoughts, but Kugisaki doesn’t seem to notice.

“And I here I thought you had good taste. You’re into guys who act all high mighty, and who probably likes to light oil slicks on fire or kick stray cats when no ones watching. I can’t trust anyone these days.” Her voice turns dramatically sad, and you snort at the strangely detailed insult.

“I’m not saying I’m in love with Fushiguro, I’m just saying that he’s not bad to look at. That’s all.” Also wanting to be around him constantly, and get to look at him whenever I want.

Now, you don’t know whether this was a good trait or a bad trait, honestly, it was a gamble at times, but you’re comfortable, you’re absolutely shameless. And while it can be good in some situations, you’ll realize soon enough that this would be your downfall.

Kugisaki starts to make a lot of choked sounds, and before she dies of a heart attack, you decide to take the conversation off you. “Ok then, if I have shitty taste and you’re the queen in choosing partners, what’s you’re type?” Like a cartoon, her mood flips in an instant, and you listen to her ramble about her standards and how most people probably aren’t good enough for her. It was entertaining, to say the least, but when the sun started the set and the cooling breeze got uncomfortable, you both decided to call it night.

You didn’t think much of your confession, for lack of a better word. But little did you know that this ‘confession’ was going to bite you in the ass.

#jujutsu kaisen #writing #fanfic #megumi x reader #megumi fushiguro #jjk megumi #nobara #humour #drabble #jjk x y/n

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oc-tournaments · 3 months

Text

ROUND ONE - MATCH 11

HARI FORLORN vs SALVANAN

HARI FORLORN: @aimless-aimz

SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Generational trauma, physical abuse, child death for HARI. Abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN.

HARI FORLORN:

PROPAGANDA: GENERATIONAL TRAUMAAA!!! all he was to his father was just 'a project', as his father had his OWN issues; and his mom was strict. ....abusively strict, so he'd "learn"; this included inflicted oil burns, whippings, and verbal barrages.

and then he died at 6 years old in a snowstorm running away from his mother who snapped and tried to strangle than beat him to death! lol. he was so pissed, that is 6 year old soul became a vengeful spirit, and just a month later when he turned 7 he went back to his grave and took his body back!

he desperately clings to his humanity, but being dead kinda screwed him up! he's always cold, no matter what, and is riddled with his childhood scars + frostbite from his death (which he is very insecure about both). He was never loved until he was picked up and Taken by friendos, and i mean now he has a girlfriend which is cool (she also is fucked up)!!

he has awful anxiety disorders and PTSD. soggy cat of a boy. And i have a future event for him planned! he goes to his father's hometown and sees him again. he will have a mental breakdown.

he actually is a rotomblr blog i have (hes a pkmn oc!! his best friend is a lampent named maru who's a sweetheart!!) and his user is " haunting-hari " so check that out if you wanna loll/nf

THEME SONG:

SALVANAN:

PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much.

it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too.

he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man

THEME SONG:

#oc tournament #round one #oc: hari forlorn #oc: salvanan #generational trauma #physical abuse #tw child death #tw sui ideation #Spotify

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thefingerfuckingfemalefury · 7 months

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A lot of characters have been killed off in a lot of things I've read and watched and I've been sad over a lot of them but ironically the death of Sideswipe, a character who I didn't really much feel strongly about in the IDW Transformers comics is one of the moments that always makes me cry hardest

It's a mix of Arcee and Sunstreaker's reactions and the fact that in that final panel, he knows

He knows that he's about to die and he's just genuinely glad, not just that after four million years of conflict and pain, maybe things are finally getting better and there's hope that it wasn't all for nothing but also that his brother and his friend wanted him to be happy before he went and to know that maybe now things will be alright.

Especially since his last memory before his death was of how a warlord was trying to re-start the Decepticon empire. Showing him that actually no, that was prevented and that Cybertron is at peace and the world is better than it was now

I think it makes it even sadder that Arcee in this continuity doesn't remotely believe in Primus or the Afterspark or anything like that. She's certain that when Sideswipe dies that's it, he's gone forever. But she still goes to all this trouble to try and make him happy before he passes.

IDW Arcee is blunt and angry and often more than a little insensitive but she CARES. She doesn't always have the language or the ways to express it the way people expect but she does

#Transformers #MY FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS #Sfw #Comics #I cry a lot about shape changing robits

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yo-yo-yeonkai · 1 year

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PAGES OF OUR YOUTH - CHOI YEONJUN - SFW

Choi Yeonjun x Fem!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warning list: Childhood bestie! Yeonjun, non-idol AU!, a slow burn, possessiveness, misunderstanding, they are both so clueless it hurts, underage drinking, alcohol, parties, swears, not proofread entirely, let me know if I missed any,

Word count: 14,070

Summary: You both kept dairies growing up and reading them now shows the desperate yet beautiful love story you had… who knew two people could view things so differently.

A/N: All of (Y/N)'s writing will be in italics with a pink date, whilst Yeonjun's will have a blue date, Anything their daughter says or is current time will be in bold

Extra: I’m sorry this is so long… it is interesting though, I promise!!!!

Happy Birthday Yeonjun <3

Fuck it was dusty up here, how dare Dad send her up here, she was practically choking on the air. Smelled old…like him, she laughed at her own jokes and kept searching for it. Why did she have to ask dumb questions….

A few days ago, she asked ‘’some parents have a box of their child’s things, do you have one for me?’’, and to that, her dad said, ‘’yeah, if you want it, it’s in the attic with a pink lid, it has your name on it. it’s easy to find’’.

Her dad offered to go and get it at that point, but she said no. God how she wished she’d said yes... this was unbearable.

It was clean up here but somehow dusty as fuck, the light shone over all the specs, and she could clearly tell which things had been moved more recently than others. She found the box, among other boxes. One said her mum’s name and one her dad’s name… cool they have childhood boxes too…

Let's see how ugly they were as children!

But what met her was much more confusing, it was a letter, from her mum to her dad, it was in her dad’s box. And the next one was, and each one had a date…

Oooo, what if she was to line them all up in timeline order? She was going to… because she was curious! But first, she had to clean this room and get her bean bag up here. That is how the 18-year-old dove into her parent's memories, not so accidentally finding out all about their relationship.

Once each note or letter was lined up in the folder of a book, and she acquired her parent's childhood diaries from the bottom of their boxes, she began flicking through them.

2005, September, 5

School today! It was okay. Beth tried to take my snack. She is mean! The teacher told her off. Mum says good. So do I. New boy in school. He wasn’t here last time. Where did he come from? I don’t remember his name. he looked weird.

2005, September, 5

School started. It was a new one. I don’t like it. nobody spoke to me. This girl got a bully told off. That was cool. I think her name was (Y/N). She seemed smart.

2005, September, 7

New boy lives next door! Mum made me say hello. I said no. but she never hears me. She must not like me. I love my mum. She must hate me. I feel sad. I still don’t know his name. he didn’t say hello. He must hate me. Now I’m sadder.

2005, September, 7

(Y/N) is my neighbour. She came over with her parents. I got scared because she is cool. She said hi. I didn’t. I’m mean. She probably thinks I’m stupid.

2005, October, 16

Mum keeps making me go to his house. I don’t want to speak. Not to him. He looks at me weird. He must hate me to the max. Mum says no. She is a liar. His parents are nice. Not as good as mine. Good. My mum and his mum are friends. Just like me and Hana. Good. Mum should have friends as well.

2005, October, 21

They keep coming to my home. Mum and Dad say it is because we are friends. I didn’t know. Me and her are friends? ok.

2005, November, 19

New boy stayed in his room when we came over. His mum said he was sick. She lied. I could hear him singing. It was good. I like singing too. Maybe we can be friends. I’m bad at singing. He will think I suck. We can’t be friends.

2005, November, 19

They are at my house now. I locked myself in my room. Mum told me to come out or (Y/N) wouldn’t want to be my friend. I don’t care. She scares me. She is quiet at school but loud with her parents. She must be a transformer or something weird. I’ll block her out with my singing.

2005, December, 17

Nearly Christmas! So excited! Mum told me to give Yeonjoon something. I asked Mum his name. I had to write it on a card. He is Yeonjoon. I don’t know what to get him. We aren’t even friends. He is just a weirdo. Maybe he’d like a rock as well? Do all kids like them? Hana doesn’t. But I do! Yeonjoon probably won’t.

2005, December, 21

Christmas. I can’t wait to get new toys. Dad made me sign a card for (Y/N). ok. Mum said I should pick her a flower for Christmas. There are no flowers around. I looked. Mum must have meant it as a joke. I should’ve laughed instead of being serious.

2005, December, 25

Yeonjoon’s family is coming over today. I don’t want them to. This day is meant to be for my family! Not other families. Mum says I should spend time with people I like. I told her I didn’t like him. She told me that was mean. Oh well. I must go now. The doorbell is ringing.

I’m back. I showed Yeonjoon Yeonjun my rocks, he didn’t care. I knew I shouldn’t have offered him one. He took it anyway. It was the small one, named Sam. I liked that one. I hope he doesn’t lose it.

2005, December, 25

Christmas today. I just opened all my presents. I got so many cool things. Mum told me to get ready because we are going to (Y/N)’s house after lunch. I decided not to fight it. Today should be happy. So I will be.

I’m home. We went to (Y/N)’s house. Food was yummy. (Y/N) spelt my name wrong on the card, so I corrected her. She seemed sad. I was sad she spelt it wrong. I got hers right.

We went to her room to play. She collects rocks. That’s not normal. She gave me one as a gift. It was weird but I picked one. The smallest one so she wouldn’t get sad. She called it Small Sam. It was funny that it had a name. I’ll keep him in my bedside table, so I don’t lose it. first Christmas gift I got from a friend.

2006, January, 29

I know Yeonjun lost Sam, he’s not in Yeonjun’s room. my small rock baby died. Because of Yeon-poop-jun. I hate him.

2006, January, 29

She was mad today. She was looking all around my room. I asked her what she wanted. She said she was only looking. Weird girl. It was kind of funny. I hope she wasn’t judging.

2006, April, 2

Yeonjun came over again today, he brought Sam. We played with rocks. He even went to the garden and found his own rock. Why is he nice? I’m sorry Yeonjun for thinking you killed Sam. I’m glad you like rocks as well.

2006, April, 2

I went to (Y/N)’s house because I was bored. Mum told me I should see if she wanted to play. So I brought Small Sam because I know she likes rocks. She was happy. We played rocks. She had more rocks to play with than me. I went to her garden and found my own one. I named him Gerard. Seemed right. I had fun even though they were rocks.

2006, June, 14

I had a thought when I was playing with Gerard and Sam. What if (Y/N) is poor and has no money for toys? That would be sad. I told Mum we should get her something. She said no. That (Y/N) had toys. She just likes rocks. Odd.

2006 July, 22

I have nobody to play with apart from Poop-Jun. Summer is boring. I wish my friend lived as close as Yeonjun. then I could play with them. Yeonjun is boring now. He got annoyed with my rocks. I thought he liked them. If he was a rock I’d put him in the toilet and flush it.

2006, July, 22

I went to (Y/N)’s. I was trying to see if she had toys. Mum says she does. I’m not sure. I asked if we could play with something that isn’t rocks. She got sad. I didn’t mean to make her sad. I was just checking if she was poor. If she was. I’d give her a toy. She got mad that I wouldn’t play rocks and kicked me out.

2006, September, 4

I didn’t speak to Yeonjun all summer after the rock thing. I saw him in school today. He has glasses now. He looks silly. I wanted to laugh but I knew I shouldn’t. I kept my head in my book all day.

2006, September, 4

(Y/N) still seemed mad about the rocks when we went back to school. I hoped she wasn’t. I feel bad that she does. She laughed at my glasses. On purpose to get back at me. Mum said I had to keep my glasses. But I hate them now. I don’t want her people to make fun of me.

2006, October, 31

Me and Yeonjun went trick-or-treating together. It was fun. He was a pirate. I was a princess. Our mum’s made us match. We looked good. I had pink hair spray. I looked pretty.

2006, October, 31

Halloween. (Y/N) was a princess. She had pink hair. I thought only adults could have coloured hair. Her mum told me it was fake. I asked if it was a wig. She told me no and showed me it was a spray. She asked me if I wanted some. I did. I got a streak of pink. (Y/N) told me it was pretty. She called me a princess. I was a pirate. But ok.

2007, February, 9

Mum told me Yeonjun and I are two peas in a pod. What does that mean? Peas are gross. Are we gross? Maybe he is but I am not. How mean!

2007, February, 21

Mum said me and (Y/N) are like magnets that could stick together but chose not to. She explained it to me. It was confusing. Magnets have two poles. If you put opposite poles against each other they join. If you put the same poles together they push apart. Is she saying I push (Y/N) apart? Do I need to spin around? I don’t get it.

2007, May, 7

Me and Yeonjun don’t speak in school. Isn’t that weird? Are we friends? I don’t know. But every time I hear a fun song I write it down and put it in his letterbox. I hope he likes it. He likes singing.

2007, June, 29

I was walking home today and I saw a rock. I thought it looked like a heart and I thought of (Y/N). She would like that rock. So I kicked it home and left it near her front gate. Hopefully she will see it and like it. I thought it was cool.

2007, June, 30

You won't believe it! I found the cutest rock ever today. It was near my house's front gate. It looks like a heart. When I looked up I saw Yeonjun with his head out of the door watching me. I decided I’d call it Yeonjun. it seemed fitting. He shouldn’t have been watching if he didn’t want me to use his name. hehehehe!

2007, June, 30

OMG! She just picked up the rock and saw me. She smiled at me. Does she know it was me? Oh no. wait. Maybe that isn’t bad.

2007, August, 1

I heard Yeonjun singing one of the songs I suggested today. So I asked how he knew it. I hoped he didn’t know it was me. He said his parents write notes for him to suggest him songs. He says the songs are good. That’s good! Because it isn’t his parents. It’s me!

2007, August, 1

(Y/N) complimented the song I was singing today. I’ll have to thank Mum and Dad for suggesting it. she seemed happy that she knew the song. Note to self: It’s one of her favourites.

She closed the diaries and sighed, ‘’Dad, that note to self was not helpful. How am I meant to know what song was Mum’s favourite? Grandma and Nana were doing all the work, goddam. Going to have to make a few phone calls after this. God, they were so clueless back then. Dad clearly likes her!’’. The slow-burn love story was driving her crazy, but she was invested. How did her parents fall in love? This would be the perfect inspiration for her creative writing project.

She picked up the next diaries, it looked like they were in secondary school now.

2010, September, 4

Looks like me and Yeonjun are still going to the same schools, how annoying. I thought I would finally be able to escape him, but I was dreadfully wrong. Yeonjun’s mum told me about us being magnets yesterday. She is clearly crazy. Me and Yeonjun aren’t even the same creation. He is cool and talented, and I’m just me. Was she just trying to show off her son and make me feel bad? Probably not, but it worked.

2010, September, 10

Apparently, the school want us to keep diaries, so we can stay in touch with ourselves and our mental health. Bullshit if you ask me. But whatever. I like writing, but when I’m forced to like this, it makes me want to shove a pen in my eye. Same way seeing (Y/N) at school does. She’s always around me, I feel like we are joined! I just want to grab a pair of scissors and cut the thread connecting us!

WAIT…. NOOOOO! I just made myself think about the red thread of fate! Oh, fuck no! Brb, going to die.

2010, November, 13

Yeonjun is so popular at school that it hurts. I used to be the only one that knew he was talented, but now it's different. He wants the whole school to know so he can climb the social ladder. What a bitch. He’s just rubbing it in my face that I’m not cool, I’m just a nerdy quiet girl. Well, fuck him!

2010, November, 27

(Y/N) was in the library again today, I could see her as I left to go to the field. She’s always in there. Maybe I could convince her to come and play with me? I doubt it. she hates talking to me at school. Fine, whatever she wants…

2010, December, 24

Yeonjun won’t be here this Christmas, he’s gone to spend it with more family. It’s weird knowing he won’t be coming for dinner, he has been since we were 6, we are 12 now. OH, MY GOD, I’ve known him for 6 years. GROSS!

2010, December, 24

(Y/N) told me to have a nice time visiting my family when I saw her earlier, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. Maybe she feels the same way I do. I love my family but, in a way, (Y/N) and her family became part of my Christmas. We’ve spent 6 Christmases together, it will feel wrong without her, I know that much.

2010, December, 25

Christmas was great, in a way it was peaceful without Yeonjun around. But I'm not sure if I like that or not yet. It felt a little dull without him, but I still had fun. I felt really close with Mum and Dad today, it hasn’t been like this in years.

2010, December,25

It sucks here! Not even my cousins could make me feel better. I want to go back home. I should be happy… I haven’t seen my family all together like this in years. But thoughts of (Y/N) keep coming to mind, and I miss her. I hope she’s at least had a nice Christmas. I’ll call her later, so I know she isn’t bored without me.

2011, January, 1

Happy New Year! Yeonjun came last night and surprised me and my family. It was nice, so nice I forgot to write about it. I’m glad I got to speak to him in person again because his calls every evening got boring. He danced and sang a lot last night, he made all the grown-ups laugh. I wish I could bring joy to people like that. I’m jealous.

2011, January, 1

It’s the new year now. Mum told me to make a resolution. I told her I did, but I'm a stinking liar. I know I’m not going to stick to that. Perhaps I should make it something like ‘’call (Y/N) every night to annoy her’’ or maybe something useful like ‘’sign up to dance club’’. Maybe the last one is smart. I don’t like the other one, I don’t want to annoy (Y/N), she’ll only start hating me.

2011, March, 30

Yeonjun started doing dance club recently, and now he’s always late home and late places. I heard our mums talking about it. I couldn’t imagine being late for anything. He's got too much on his plate, he's out of touch with what he's capable of.

2011, April, 7

(Y/N) told me I should start being on time for things today. All because I was late to school and then late to her house after club. It’s not my fault I’m tired and busy. She’s not my mother! She’s got big boots because she does every piece of homework the day it's set and hands it in early. I must be stupid in her eyes. It’s not that I can’t do it… I just can’t time myself well.

2011, May, 18

Rumour got around at school quickly that Yeonjun finally got a detention for his tardiness. I want to say good, but I feel kind of bad. I know he works hard he just can’t organise himself. All he needs is someone to keep him on track. Maybe I’ll message him something like ‘’Do you need my help. We can Facetime and talk about the homework the night it's set, and both get it done together’’. Yeah, that seems nice, I'll message that.

Oooo, he responded. He took me up on my offer. He wants to call now so I’ll go. Time to be a hero…

2011, May, 29

Thank God for (Y/N)! ever since she started helping me, I can control myself a bit better. My homework gets handed in on time and because I’m less stressed, I sleep better, which means I wake up on time for school. She’s a blessing, isn’t she? A little time angel.

2011, July, 6

I regret saying I'd help Yeonjun. he started coming over to my house every evening so we could work on homework together. It’s better this way, but it’s annoying. He doesn’t knock! It drives me crazy. Every time I remind him knocking is a thing he says ‘’Yeah, next time’’. BUT HE NEVER DOES!! Next time I’ll hit him, I swear.

2011, July, 27

I’m so glad the school year is over and me and (Y/N) got closer. I think my New Year’s resolution worked for both ideas I had. ‘’Sign up to dance club’’, well it also did the same thing as ‘’Annoy (Y/N) more’’. Though she doesn’t seem to hate me. Cool!

She put down the book and practically slapped her head ‘’How dumb are you both?’’ she questioned sizing up the next book that seemed to be from year 11. She wonders why there are so many gaps in between. Then she remembers the thing her dad wrote about being forced to keep a diary.

2014, September, 7

School started again… unfortunately. The summer was nice this year. Me and Yeonjun hung out nearly every day. He didn’t really give me a choice, he was always barging in. No, he still hasn’t learnt how to knock. It drives me insane. I punched him in the arm last time, he only laughed like a maniac. Fucking freak.

He’s in my Maths class now, he was the set below last year. Clearly, all the studying I helped him do pay off. I’m proud of myself, and him I suppose. He sits next to me now. He passes me notes. I’ll stick them on the pages.

You look like a nerd when you concentrate, did you know that? -Yeonjun <3

As if I give a fuck, who does he think he is? Sending me notes when I was trying to concentrate like a nerd! That was not helpful Yeonjun!

2014, September, 7

WINNING! I got moved up a set! To (Y/N)’s set, which means I’m a genius by the way. She even sits next to me. That means I can cheat! Not that she’d let me… she believes strongly in hard work, and so do I. That’s why I worked so hard over the summer to get better, I don’t need perfect grades for being a musician, but getting them would be nice.

I sent her a post-it note in maths class, I don’t remember what It said but she sent one back. Why didn’t she just write on the one I gave her and hand it back?

Shut your mouth Poop-Jun, focus. Or you’ll become dumb again <3

-(Y/N)

Did she seriously call me POOP-JUN!! like a child? It’s kinda cute funny!!!!!!!!! I’ll have to make up a dumb name for her. Game on (Y/N)

2014, October, 31

I’m going to a party tonight, for the first time in my life. All because Yeonjun asked… I hate this man. I heard there would be alcohol, we aren’t old enough for alcohol. I voiced my concerns to Yeonjun, but he told me that was normal. What? I didn’t know that… underage drinking is normal. Had he drunk before? Why?

2014, October, 31

I finally convinced (Y/N) to come to the Halloween party with me. Thank fuck. Maybe I can teach her how to drink today before we get to college, and she embarrasses herself. Even if she did, I’d still like her. NOT IN A WEIRD WAY!! I just mean that I’d still be her friend!!

She sighs at her dad and mumbles ‘’I think the boy doth protest too much… nobody asked how you meant it, dad!’’

2014, November, 1

I feel like such a bad child. I need to confess that I drank last night. Not because Yeonjun told me, but because I was curious. He did offer me, but he warned me first. I heard him out but even after his lecture I still did it. he decided not to because I had, and he wasn’t sure if I could take it. Turns out I couldn’t take it that well and Yeonjun tried to take me home, I tried to tell him not to because of my parents. He already knew that though; he’s known my parents for more than half his life!!

We went to his instead and he let me sleep in his bed, he slept on the blow-up bed on his floor. It was weird having a sleepover with him, especially drunk. I remember looking off the bed and seeing him on the floor sleeping peacefully. I wished I could sleep peacefully, but the urge to throw up last night stuck like a nasty bug.

2014, November, 1

Note to self: (Y/N) absolutely can’t drink!!

God, it was so cute funny! She drank quite a lot, more than I'd expected. She seemed to have a lot of fun. But suddenly she kind of fell backwards against me. At first, I thought she was trying to put the moves on me, and I froze, but I quickly realised it was because she was drunk. She was losing control of her body. Though she protested when I tried to take her home, she eventually gave in. under one condition, not her parent's house. Did she think I was an idiot? I already knew that! I wasn’t born yesterday! Her parents might kill both of us. But my parents didn’t care… who do you think drove us home? Dad picked us up and I explained it to him. He came up with the solution of her sleeping over.

I froze once again at the thought… (Y/N), sleeping in my house? That was new! Fine, whatever. I agreed to it. I sent her parents a message on her phone so they wouldn’t suspect anything. Genius.

She was gone when I helped her into my bed, instantly collapsing. It was cu… no I won’t write that again!!!! I kept an eye on her because I didn’t want her throwing up and she looked so red… but even then, she was beau…

Never mind…

‘’NO. Dad, it was right there. You knew it. you liked her!!!! Please tell me you knew it’’ she huffed, frustrated by how her dad kept crossing out words or not finishing them.

2014, November, 10

I told my parents about my drinking; they didn’t actually care because they knew I was safe. They just wished I had come home so they could take care of me instead of me being in the house across. It nearly made me cry when my mum said that. They said at the age of 16 they would rather I didn’t unless I was at home, but that they did it when they were my age. Me and Yeonjun had clearly perceived them all wrong.

When he came flying into my house unannounced, I heard them talking to him downstairs about it so laughed upstairs until he flung my door open, something along the lines of ‘’You could’ve warned me’’ coming out of his mouth. Apparently, he was downstairs trying to fight for my life by keeping up the lie, until my parents told him I’d admitted it. all I could say was ‘’that’s what happens when you don’t ask to come over’’. He was quick to respond though ‘’You love it when I appear’’. He was wrong, I don’t love it, I only like it mildly….

2014, November, 10

How dare she?? I’ve never been more: horrified, shocked, and embarrassed all at the same time… was this revenge for taking her to the party? No… she definitely had fun, she thanked me. What did I do to deserve this? Imagine me lying my ass off to her parents, meanwhile, they know the truth, God there isn’t much worse than that. Practically broadcasting that I’m not the boy they know and love!

When I told her she should’ve warned me she was nonchalant about it all… how dare she be so calm. It annoyed me to see her like that, but it somehow calmed me down at the same time. We sat in her room all evening talking about what had happened at the party, what she actually remembered, how she talks in her sleep.

It was great until I caught her mum on the way out the door. ‘’I know you care about her, so I know you would never let something happen to her. But please don’t lie to me like that again… put some trust in me Yeonjun, and I’ll put my trust in you’’. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, and I still don’t. it keeps circling my head, and each time I just want to know what she really meant. Easier said than done.

2014, December, 25

It’s that time of year again. Christmas. I don’t get the same joy I used to get from it now, but Yeonjun still seems thrilled by it. he just wouldn’t hang up the Facetime call last night. We fell asleep on it. I eventually drowned out the sound of him talking and drifted to sleep, but I woke to his sleeping face on my screen and panicked and hung up. It took me by surprise, I thought he would’ve hung up. Unless he accidentally fell asleep.

Even though he knew he’d see me later that day he was texting me things like ‘’GOOD MORNING’’, ‘’MERRY CHRISTMAS’’, ‘’I HAVE THE BEST GIFT FOR YOU THIS YEAR’’. Yes, Yeonjun types in all capitals, he’s on drugs I swear. This year I got him new dancing shoes with money I'd earned from my job, they were the ones he’d wanted for months… and I joined forces with his parents so we wouldn’t both get them for him. I’ll write again once he’s got them. So, I can forever replay the epic moment when he tells me I’m the best friend ever for listening to his never-ending whining.

2014, December, 25

I didn’t wake up on a call with her like I thought I would. Maybe she hung up in her sleep, or the call cut out. When she fell asleep last night to the sound of my voice, I found that so…. I found it very… very peaceful and nice! So, I stayed on call and eventually fell asleep myself. I found it comforting to do so…

Waking up without her on the call was more disheartening than I thought it might be, so I messaged her. No, I spammed her! She must think I’m stupid! She eventually answered me though. ‘’I look forward to giving you your gift! It’s so good, you’ll love it!’’. pshhhh, she thought she had a better gift than I'd got her, she was severely wrong. I’d got her a new set of paints and brushes, the expensive ones she said were out of her reach. She loves painting… and I love looking at her paint.

"Dad you are driving me crazy here, just admit it to yourself’’.

2014, December, 26

Yesterday was crazy! Yeonjun’s family came over and we did gifts like normal. Yeonjun got me the paints I wanted!! I was so glad he listened to my groans and used his brain to get me them. I have no clue where he got all that money, and it made me feel bad thinking about how he’d spent it all on me… but I did the same, so I suppose it’s fair. The best bit was, he gave me a tiny painted rock he’d apparently painted when he was sat with me in the art rooms at school. I didn’t even see him! Crazy! I think I want to start painting rocks now, I have so many I might as well.

But when things got serious is when our parents invited us to drink with them and play board games. Imagine me and Yeonjun on a team playing games against adults that were only tipsy. Ridiculous. We played Monopoly and I kept stealing Yeonjun’s money, he didn’t know though. He seemed clueless every time he picked up his money to pay ‘’where did I spend my money’’ he’d whine, a stupid pout on his lips. I’d then make up a story on how he’d spent it on his way around the board. He fell for it every time… nice!

2014, December, 26

OMG!!!! (Y/N) GOT ME THE DANCE SHOES I WANTED!!!! She must be rich to have afforded these! They are so comfortable and feel so nice when I dance. She knows me so well…. She is such a great listener. I only mentioned these once, I think…

We ended up drinking all together with our parents it was hilarious because she was so gone. I drank a little extra to keep up with her, but I couldn’t help but laugh every time I looked down at her pink-flushed face… she truly sucked at drinking. We were on the same team for charades, and she was awful at showing words, but great at guessing them. I couldn’t help but laugh at her terrible impression of a reindeer, she tried so hard. It was so cute. We played Monopoly all together and she kept stealing my money, she thought I didn’t know, but I did. She even watched me watch her take a piece and she still seemed convinced I didn’t know. I’d let her win today; it was too FUNNY not to.

2015, January, 19

Yeonjun kept sliding me notes. Now I have a collection of them… here.

Is the answer to question a x=6?

Yeonjun ;P

By the way, the answer was not 6. Yes, I did help him. I’m not a demon.

The boy in front of us has a sticker on his back!!!! HAHAHA

Yeonjun XD

I heard Yeonjun laugh to himself as he: one, realised our classmate had a sticker on his back, two wrote the note, three as he handed it to me, four as I read it, and five, looked at the boy's back. Yes, there was a sticker… was it funny, maybe a little. But he was distracting me.

Do you think I’m sexy?

YES OR YES no

Sexy man Yeonjun ;D

When I received it, I crossed out his options with a laugh and showed him my new options. He pouted at me and acted like a stroppy baby for the rest of the class, how annoying.

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

(Y/N) … Don’t ignore this! Write the next lyric. I know you know it!

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

DON’T CHA!!!!!!!!!

Well done

That one I nearly didn’t write the lyric because I was trying to focus. But it became more distracting to not answer him than to answer him. I discovered Yeonjun gives up faster if I just respond to him. It was also a note I nearly got confiscated from my desk, had Yeonjun not snatched it up before our teacher could see it. I’m glad he did.

Can I come over today?

Yeonjun <3

You always come over…

Yes, but I was asking because I’m nice.

No, you are asking because you are bored, can you please just focus on the lesson.

Only because you asked <3

That one was prime craziness and I snatched it up when the sight of a heart met my eyes. How could he be joking so shamelessly?

2015, January, 20

IT’S THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! I got moved away from (Y/N) in maths!!! The teacher said we talk too much… I’m sorry but have you ever seen her mouth move for a fun conversation… no! She’s only ever explained things to me!! What is this hate that’s being slung our way! I’m pissed! There goes any fun I’ve ever had in school! Now all that’s left is cute notes she gave me!! I’m in my feelings!! I’ll stick the memories of our fun times together down below.

Yeonjun breath quieter, it’s too loud :)

Annoyed (Y/N)

The answer is 3 not 6!!

Smart (Y/N)

Our teacher is wrong the answer is actually 23. I have no clue how he got 24…

Confused (Y/N)

Can we get snacks before we head home?

Hungry (Y/N)

Is my hair flat at the back? I feel a bump…

Curious (Y/N)

2015, January, 23

Yeonjun got moved back next to me, good because he was whining about it so much, I thought I’d have to cut off my own ears. When I walked in and saw him sat down, I was glad the whining would be over. I knew he’d be all right without me, he is smart, but he seemed to want to cling to me. He needs to grow some self-confidence.

2015, January, 23

THANK THE LORD THAT ME AND (Y/N) SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER AGAIN!!!! Apparently, it was only for that one lesson, so when I went into the classroom early begging to sit next to her because she helps me, I was just embarrassing myself. Ughhh, the things I do for her happiness. I just knew she wouldn’t be able to handle being apart from me. The look on her face, when she saw me sitting in my normal seat, said it all. She was obviously in love with me!!!

"God no mum! He wanted to stay near you because he likessss you’’ She slapped the words in the diary, now annoyed by her clueless mother as well as her father.

2015, February, 9

Me and Yeonjun keep talking about college and what we want to do in the future. We both seem as clueless as each other so we spend days in my room googling colleges, and the courses they have. Half the problem is… we don’t really want to go our separate ways. I may get annoyed by him, but Yeonjun has been my friend for 10 years, and for all of that we’ve gone to the same school. I really don’t want that to change, it scares me.

What happens if I can’t make friends? I won’t even have Yeonjun to rely on!! What if I hate it and Yeonjun isn’t around to annoy me because he’s swimming in his popularity in a new school!!! Live your life, but please Yeonjun, stay near me….

2015, February, 10

Looking at colleges is so draining!! Who knew making one choice would feel so pressuring? I know what course I want to do, and the clubs don’t matter to me because I do them outside of school. So why do I find myself looking for colleges that have not only music courses but art ones as well? And why do I find myself suggesting them to (Y/N)?

She seems so stressed out whenever we are looking, so clearly, I’m just trying to help her whilst also looking for myself. Yeah, that sounds right!!!!! Every time we scoot closer together to look at her laptop, the screen lit up with college, I notice it, the look in her eyes. She’s scared, and I don’t know what to say. Life is moving on and I don’t think she’s prepared. She’s been focusing so much on this year that I honestly don’t think she ever thought past it. and now, as she’s trying to revise for her final exams in a few months’ time, she has to make decisions. Ones she’s not ready to make.

In the moment I often think about reaching my hand out to hold hers, maybe she would find comfort in it. but I don’t… it would be weird to her. I know that much….

‘’This is by far the worst bit I’ve read yet! Dad just do it, make a move’’.

2015, February, 17

We picked a college, and both applied, we haven’t heard back yet, but they have no reason to not accept us. I heard it's easy getting into colleges… I’m not sure if I believe it or not, but I'll hope. When we put in our applications I almost cried because I got so nervous, but Yeonjun wrapped his arm over my shoulder and dragged me into his side, the warmth almost comforting. He’s never hugged me out of the blue like that, it shocked me.

I found myself wanting him to hold me longer. I think it’s because I’ve never been hugged by anyone other than my parents, or his parents. My friends don’t hug me because they assume I don’t like to be touched. Am I to serious? I wonder what Yeonjun thinks… maybe he thinks I’m too serious and it took him this long to work up the courage to hug me. Maybe I should think about how I present myself to people.

2015, February, 17

We put in our college applications today, together. We applied for the same college as I wanted us to. She was worried because we had finally done it, made a decision. She expected to hear back instantly, I don’t know why, and when she didn’t, she got so nervous I thought she’d throw up. So, my arm moved before I could think. I hugged her!!! She didn’t run away or tell me I was gross… she calmed down slightly. Maybe she didn’t find it weird at all. I was really worried she would, that’s why I never comforted her physically. I suppose I was the one that was scared after all.

I really hope we get into the same college; I don’t really know what it would be like without her. No matter where I go, she’s always been there… not really, I could list places she hasn’t been that I have… shut up Yeonjun….

I just want her by my side for a while longer. Is that a crime? If it’s not, why do I feel like it is?

2015, April, 14

We have spent so much time revising, I feel like I have no time for anything else. I don’t know how Yeonjun does it… he does clubs, school, revision and hangs out with his friends. I’m sure he’s awake 24/7, that would make sense. But he never looks tired. He always looks so awake, like every day is day he will love, even though he’s been living this life for months.

I have his timetable because I’m the one that organises his life… this isn’t a friend’s package… I’m doing too much. But someone has to, he has no one else that will... all this happened because I offered my help a few years ago, oh the butterfly effect, you’ve got me now.

2015, April, 19

ALL I DO IS REVISE!!! It’s so astronomically boring. Yeah, that was a big word, (Y/N) says it’s the word of the day. She says I should try using them, so boom!! Too bad she’ll never see the proof… I’ll have to use the word in her face later when I go to her house. Maybe I should say ‘’You are astronomically smart, I’m grateful for you’’…. EW, too mushy for me. I'd only say that to a girl I liked, and I DON’T like (Y/N)!!!

2015, May, 9

I had my first exam today… I’m so nervous. I think it went well, but I heard that means I did badly. I really hope I didn’t do badly. I haven’t tried my whole life to fail now. Come on (Y/N), only a little longer left. Time to get back to revising for my next test, its tomorrow, I’m wasting time.

2015, May, 9

Sat my maths exam today. It went well, I’m very happy. I sit my English one tomorrow, I’m not confident. (Y/N) is on Facetime right now trying to drill quotes into our head, I’m trying to listen, but I just can’t focus. That’s why I’m writing my mind on this page so hopefully I can listen to her again.

Why is it that every time I look at her on the screen stressing about the exam that I want to hug her, tell her it will be okay. At first, I thought I was just an amazing friend, and I wanted to help her. But the thought won’t leave me alone. I’m so close to marching over to her house and holding her until she tells me she feels okay.

I should listen to her again now, or she will get mad. That would only make things worse…. Good luck me!

2015, May, 23

I had my art exam today and I painted Yeonjun. I spent the whole day in a room painting his portrait… when I asked him to be my reference for art, he was okay with that, I think that’s because he’s confident in himself, I’m not. I’m jealous of him and his stupid face, which I can now say for sure, is very even. I spent the whole day painting it!!! I would know!!! I'd never focused much on his face when I was painting before, I could just kind of paint it, like it was the easiest thing. But today I was so careful that I was measuring. I couldn’t afford a mistake on this exam; I needed the perfect grade… I hope Yeonjun never sees that painting because honestly, I think I painted him too well. His ego may shoot, and I wouldn’t be able to stand that.

2015, May, 23

(Y/N) spent the entire day painting me, and when I waited for her by the classroom, I could see her through the glass. She looked like she was being careful, each stroke was controlled. I couldn’t see the canvas because it had its back to me, but I could see her. She had paint smudged on her nose and cheeks, clearly shed brushed it onto herself by accident. Why did my heart flutter at the sight of her? That wasn’t meant to happen…

A teacher saw me waiting and spoke to me ‘’Ah, Mr Choi? The one (Y/N) is always painting?’’. Did she speak about me to her teachers? He seemed to know about me… it was odd. I responded to him regardless ‘’Yes sir, that’s me. How do you know?’’. The teacher laughed at me and patted my back ‘’Word gets around… she paints you, and what do you photograph in your photography work?’’. He was teasing me!!!! How dare he!!! He already knew the answer… I photograph her. She just makes the perfect subject; she doesn’t need to pose. I can take a picture of her when she’s being moody and ignoring me and it comes out perfectly. Does she know I do this? No. if she found out would she hate me? Yes. She doesn’t like the way she looks… how sad… I think she looks perfect incredible… FINE. She looks absolutely normal, not bad…

2015, June, 20

I finally finished school, I'm not sure how I feel. I got accepted to the college me and Yeonjun wanted, and he did as well. We have the whole summer to do what? I have nothing to keep me busy now, maybe other than Yeonjun and work. I thought I’d be more excited to have an early summer. But instead, I realised I’m boring. What do I do with my days? All I do is wait for Yeonjun to finish living his life and then come around my house. When college starts, I need to make some friends, that aren’t Yeonjun!!!

2015, June, 23

THANK YOU, LORD!! TORTURE IS FINALLY OVER!! All exams are done, I got into the college I wanted, my friends still want to hang out with me!!! I’ve spent my days practically living at dance club, or my friends’ houses. Me and Soobin are curious how long I can live at his house without my mum telling me to come home. So far, we are at 3 days. In these days I haven’t seen (Y/N) and the only messages she sends me are ‘’Why didn’t you come over today?’’, ‘’You didn’t come over again today’’, ‘’Are you dead. You come to my house every day. This is the third day’’. Surely, she has things she can be doing, why is she so worried about me. It’s probably best I keep my distance, for my own good. She won’t mind, in fact, she’ll probably like it…

2015, June, 30

He still hasn’t come over… what is his problem??? I stopped messaging a few days ago. He never tells me where he is or what he’s doing, he just sends me a message saying ‘’not today, watch a movie or something’’. I don’t like watching movies alone… I thought he knew that. Why is he being mean?? I thought we got past that years ago… is it because of college? Is he scared? Well so am I!! I wanted him by my side… I guess not. Maybe I had the wrong idea about us…

2015, July, 3

I finally returned home because my mum told me to. She knew I was at Soobin’s because I told her, and she didn’t seem to care as long as I was safe. The only reason she told me to come home was because of (Y/N)… apparently she got so bored she came to my house to ask my mum to bake a cake with her. They did, and apparently, they had a nice time. But why in the world would she do that. Didn’t she have better things to do?

Mum told me I need to ‘be there’ for (Y/N), but I don’t get it. She seems fine so what’s the problem? I’ll go over and see her tomorrow.

2015, July, 4

Poop-Jun came over today. Stupid boy. Why did he think I’d want to hang out after he hasn’t seen me or messaged me in weeks. Did he decide I was too good for him? Am I too uncool and ugly for popular people like Yeonjun. he makes me want to slap him for being so foolish.

2015, July, 4

That didn’t go as planned. (Y/N) shouted at me and kicked her out of her house. She seems to think I don’t like her anymore; I suppose that’s what I get for trying to push us away from each other. I knew what I was doing, it was selfish. All because I can’t handle her… she doesn’t deserve this. I’m sorry (Y/N), I’ll make it up to you.

2015, July, 18

Yeonjun wouldn’t leave me alone, so we are friends again. He would just appear every day and try and get me to hang out with him. Hed refuse to leave unless we did something. At first, he’d settle for a conversation, then he wanted to hang out for an hour minimum, then he’d want to watch a movie, then go shopping, next thing I knew I’d fallen into his trap. I forgave him. I feel like I wasted my summer being lonely and mad at Yeonjun, is this seriously what my life has boiled down to?

2015, July, 20

We are finally friends again, she told me to come over tonight. I DIDN’T HAVE TO JUST ARRIVE, SHE TOLD ME TO COME OVER. She has never in her life done that. Breaking news if you ask me.

I think her parents invited me around for dinner really, but oh well, I’ll take what I can get.

I hope I can spend the rest of the summer making her happy, she’s started laughing with and at me again recently, I’ve never been happier to hear a sound in my life.

2015, August, 28

Me and Yeonjun have officially enrolled in college, we’ve gone to all the events and met people at induction. Someone even approached me to have a conversation, that was nice. At first, I thought she wanted to speak to Yeonjun, that’s what normally happens, but she didn’t. she told me I had a nice outfit and asked me what I’d be studying. We spoke for a while. Turned out she was a fashion and design student. She asked for my number and jokingly saved it as ‘my future model’. It was really flattering for a pretty girl to say I was model worthy, especially when I’ve never heard a compliment like that from anyone other than my parents.

I’m starting to think college won’t be so bad after all, I think I’m excited now.

2015, August, 28

I don’t want to be that friend… but that girl was hardcore flirting with (Y/N) …. IN FRONT OF ME!!!! How absurd!!!

‘’your outfit is so stylish and looks so pretty, just like you. Wow you should be a model’’!

HAHA

I already knew all these things! (Y/N) is my model… please find your own. I wanted to pull (Y/N) away from her so badly. Why couldn’t I be happy that she was making friends? I want to be, but I can’t. I don’t want to go to college anymore. The world is going to discover (Y/N), and she seems ready this time… she won’t just sit in the library…. Fuck.

Her mum’s diary cuts off there and turns into letters she wrote to herself and Yeonjun, but she never sent them to him, meanwhile his stays as a diary. It’s a good thing her mum dated each one or the story would have to end here.

2015, September, 1

Dear me,

Today was the first day of college. My stomach is knotted with anxiety. I’ll make friends won’t i? I became friends with Layla over the holiday. She’s so interesting, fun and so cool, she reminds me of Yeonjun. She’s such an it girl! Yeonjun says my outfits are cooler since I started hanging out with her. If they are better, why does he seem frustrated? Odd boy.

Class was excellent, I spent the lesson talking about art with people who love art. I found out artistic people are weird, just like me! Yeonjun seemed disgusted by the idea of a room full of Me, rude!

Yeonjun already has a following. I didn’t recognise any people from secondary. He’s already part of a big group. He ask if I’d like to sit with them, but I said I’d rather sit with Layla. He seemed disappointed, but oh well. I’m not like him, I don’t thrive in big groups, i feel most comfortable with a few close friends.

Layla always wants to talk about Yeonjun? Does she have a crush on him?! That would be kinda gross! Why would girls be attracted to him? He’s… Poop-Jun after all.

I have a few questions for myself next month…

Is Yeonjun popular yet?

Does Layla have a crush on Yeonjun?

Have you made more friends?

Do you like your art course?

Did you and Layla go shopping like you planned?

Do you hate it here?

Are… you and Yeonjun still friends?

2015, September, 1

First day of school was easy peasy. I loved having to do nothing but what I love doing. The only thing I don’t love is Layla, she’s been hogging (Y/N), and she knows it. Me and her have beef, seriously. She has been hanging out with (Y/N) ever since they met, and when they aren’t hanging out, they are messaging. (Y/N) says Layla reminds her of me… personally I've never wanted to throw up more. She has nowhere near as much style as I do, and she clings to (Y/N) unreasonably. I have my reasons!!! She’s been my best friend since we were 6, be for real!!!! Me and her AREN’T the same!!

2015, October, 1

Dear future me,

I’ve officially been in college for one month. Let me answer the questions of the previous letter…

Of course, Yeonjun is popular now! Everyone who knows him, loves him. I’ve decided to avoid him in the halls, so I don’t have to deal with the mess that is people saying hi to him or crowding him.

Does Layla have a crush on Yeonjun? It appears not. Since I stopped hanging out with him at school she’s stopped discussing him. That’s good, I don’t want her to like Yeonjun. I refuse to have my friends dating!!!

Yes! I have made friends! Layla and I are in a group of roughly 8, which seemed large in the beginning, but it’s not. Some are friends she brought to the group, and others are friends I made. We are all really creative and it's exciting! We inspire each other to be more imaginative!!

I love my art course; all I do is talk, learn about, and create art! It’s my dream course. It is intricate and sometimes difficult work, but I’m willing to invest into it because I love it.

Layla and I recently went shopping with the rest of our friends. We got the train to the nearest city, with new shops, it was so thrilling. I’ve never done something like that before, it was exciting, trying new styles, chatting! Yeonjun saw the pictures all over my social media. He was jealous we didn’t do things like that. But he hasn’t ever ask…

Nope, I don’t hate it at college. And why would I?! I can leave the college on my breaks, can GO TO THE TOILET WHEN I WANT, I feel like the master of my destiny!

Yes, Yeonjun does speak to me. He will run past me in the corridors sometimes and shout a greeting, but then he’s gone like lightning. We will sometimes sit together if we are both on break and I’m not with my friends. He loves looking at my artwork, especially since I often draw and paint him. It’s definitely strokes that ego…

2015, October, 28

There is a party for Halloween, and I didn’t even have to convince (Y/N) to go, because guess what, Layla and her are going!! They will even be matching!! I saw her outfit, she’s an angel, and Layla will be a devil. How basic… (Y/N) pulled it off though. She looked incredible; I can’t even lie this time. When she showed me, I thought she was beautiful, and I just couldn’t believe that she’s the girl that collected rocks…

Wait… if I thought she was beautiful and I’m her best friend, what will other guys think? No! No, this can’t happen. I can’t have them looking at her, I have to come up with a plan. Hopefully she’ll get drunk and return to my side, she does that when she’s drunk.

2015, November, 1

Dear future me,

Never drink that much again. I think I spilt my drink on this random girl, and I remember her crying? Yeonjun said he helped her out though… What does that even mean?! Wait… did he lose his jacket last night? He gave her his jacket, didn’t he!! That was a cool jacket, how dare he waste it on fixing my mistakes!

I don’t remember how I found Yeonjun, I was with Layla at first. But it reached a point where I just couldn’t keep up and I needed to find familiarity. I think I saw him standing near the fish tank, talking to four guys. I’m not sure how many, it’s blurry in my memory. Omg, memories keep bobbing up like apples. I remember falling against one of his friends and Yeonjun clutching me towards him. He said something to his friends and held me against his chest as he finished his conversation, his heart beat was comforting. I remember mumbling sorry for interrupting.

after he sobered me up a little, he took me home. I remember he helped me to my bed and tucked me in. He whispered ‘’good night’’ before he left… how embarrassing!

2015, November, 1

Why is it always the Halloween parties? God, she looked so perfect… I thought I couldn’t breathe when I saw her dancing with her friends in the corner of my eye. My friends didn’t even wait to make fun of me, they knew what was up. ‘’Yeonjun, she won’t disappear. You can look away from her’’. I knew that I could, but I didn’t want to. If I did would someone take her from me? I did though, I looked away and left her. I even moved room so I could have my own fun.

She took me by surprise when she came over to me, tripping over her feet and falling against my friend, who caught her in his arms and smiled down at her. Oh, hell no, not those two. Anyone but him (Y/N), please…

I grabbed her from his arms and held her against my chest, my hand rested on her lower back and her head pushed against me. There was no way we didn’t look like a clingy couple like this… but it was fine, just for tonight.

‘’You didn’t need to snatch her from me mate. I know she’s yours’’. That’s what he said, and I scoffed at him and asked what he meant. He told me ‘’We all know you like her, so we won’t touch her… everyone knows’’. He was being ridiculous, ‘’I don’t like her’’ I told him. And he said the worst thing I could’ve imagined ‘’Well, in that case, I’ll ask her out on a date. She’s too pretty to pass up’’. I laughed at his joke because it must have been one right. No way he’d say that to me, her best friend, seriously right…

When I got her home, she was clinging to me, and once I peeled her off and got her in bed. She asked me to stay and hold her. I thought about it, but I knew what the right decision was. I didn’t respond to her, I tucked her covers over her and told her goodnight. Why is it always Halloween?

2015, December, 1

Dear me,

Yeonjun has been annoying recently. He keeps running past me at college and ruffling my hair or scaring me. It's so annoying, especially when he messes up my hair because it’s always when I made an extra effort. Can’t he just keep his hands to himself? How annoying! Sorry, I’ve said annoying one too many times, clearly thinking about it makes me so frustrated I repeat myself!

And do you know what’s worse, when I shout at him after he’s finished, and in response guess what he does… he spins as he runs and winks, then he continues running out of view. That man! How dare he be so careless… I hope he runs into a wall one day!!

Art classes aren’t as much fun now, it’s already starting to feel like a chore, so I need to find something interesting to do for my project this year or I’ll get bored. Please future me, please… save me from tedium…

2015, December, 11

(Y/N) is only getting prettier and making my heart flutter endlessly. She walks down the corridors with the prettiest smile, books under her arm because they are too big for her bag, and the most beautifully curled hair. What other choice do I have? I run past her a ruffle it up so it’s not as good every time. She doesn’t need to look pretty for anyone else now, I've already seen her. Did I like her? No, of course not! I just care about her! I just don’t want other guys to like, her, doesn’t that make sense? I’m just trying to protect her…

2016, January, 1

Dear future me,

I’ve saved art for us… are you thankful? Well maybe Yeonjun did, but that isn’t important… You know how he always gives me a rock at Christmas time, a small painted rock, as testament to our childhood. Well, I’ve decided to finally start painting rocks. When I told my lecturer, she suggested I make a project out of it. I’m enjoying it immensely, and I have developed a whole plan. I have a question… did you tell Yeonjun? And did he act big-headed about assissting you with the concept? I bet he did…

Yeonjun wrote me a letter this Christmas, so I’ll put it with this one. It was simply beautiful, so emotion, it made me cry. I didn’t want him to see me teary eyed. He mentioned the magnet thing his mum would say when we were younger. I agree with him, we are magnets opposite poles attracting, and I think we are so powerful we can’t be separated.

He brought me an art easel and some canvases for at home, I was grateful. I didn’t write him a letter for Christmas, so I’m going to write him one soon and give it to him. I don’t want him to think I’m a bad friend. I think I’ll probably paint my parents, beautiful flowers, and a nearby lake that Yeonjun keeps dragging me to. I’ve drawn enough of Yeonjun that I could honestly go my whole life without ever painting him again.

Dear (Y/N),

First of all, Merry Christmas! I’m glad it’s another one together we get to add to the stack of them. How many has it been now? 11? That’s a lot… I’ve known you for more than half my life, isn’t that crazy? I hope that never changes. Can you stay by my side until we are old and wrinkly? I don’t think I want to ever stop being your friend. I don’t think I could at this point.

Recently I’ve seen you change so much, and all because we went to college. I heard people bloom at some point in their life, and I think I got to see you bloom. Do you know how incredible it was? I was scared at first, I didn't want you to get hurt and scarred by the world. I know you’ve always hidden yourself, and I was happy to protect you. But you didn’t want me to this year, did you? So, I let you bloom and now I look at you and I no longer see the girl who collected rocks as a child… I think it makes me sad in a way. I now see the girl who parties and paints, isn’t that a weird duo?

Just like us, no? When I was a child, my mum called us magnets, that were pushed the wrong way together. But now a days I think we are pushed the right way together; I think we click. Did you know it’s difficult to separate magnets, especially strong ones.

Merry Christmas (Y/N), I hope you have a lovely day!

2016, January, 15

Music classes are awesome, I made my own song recently. The lecturer says I’m above the expected level for my age, and that my song is full of emotion. Well duh, it's about her… Yeah, I did that. I can’t think of anything else but her, it’s so stupid. When she’s sat alone, I ditch my friends to sit with her, she probably wanted me to. That's what I tell myself, but who am I kidding? I desperately wanted to talk to her. Please save me, I can’t do this anymore.

2016, February, 1

Dear me,

I told Yeonjun about my idea when he saw it. I stayed in class later than I had to, so I could focus on my project, when he came to find me. He sat down next to me, chin in his hand, and asked why I was painting rocks. He shuffled through the notes and sketches I had on the desk. It didn’t take him long to realise, so I explained my plan.

My project is to bring colour back to my otherwise dull world. Nature is intrinsically beautiful, and I love capturing it any way I can. By decorating the rocks and placing them back where they belong, I add a bit of my beauty to the world. The plan is to distribute the rocks to my favourite places once I’m done with the project. I'll then paint some of the rocks in their location, for the final piece.

To answer my own questions. No Yeonjun didn’t get a big head like you thought he would, he seemed really joyful. In fact, he took me for ice cream when he found out… how odd. But I had fun.

2016, February, 14

I want to throw up. It’s Valentine’s Day, and MY FRIEND gave (Y/N) roses. I saw him do it. She was sitting there, pretty pink dress on because she wanted to wear a romantic colour today, hair in space buns like a cutie, and he walked up to her with the flowers behind his back. It’s like everything went in slow motion and I was given the chance to stop it, but I didn’t. He spoke to her, and she smiled, then he gave her the flowers, she turned the same colour as them. He gave her a note and she smiled again, and he walked away. I didn’t take my eyes off her as she put the letter straight into her bag, not even reading it first.

When she looked up and saw me, she giggled and waved the flowers like an accomplishment. I would’ve been happy if I didn’t like her… that’s right, I have a crush on her. Now I know why they call it a crush. It’s not for a good reason, it’s because it crushes you. I thought it was because you have a crush, and when you finally get the girl, you crush the silly feelings, and it turns into love. I was wrong.

If I ever see those flowers in a vase in her room, I think I’ll throw up… there goes the plan I made for her… I'll slip it here, so I never have to look at it again.

VALENTINES DAY <3 OPERATION CRUSH

1. Buy flowers – her favourites, tulips, not roses, that’s basic - done

2. Get her favourite snacks - done!

3. Download her favourite movies onto my laptop – done!

4. Build the den – done!

5. Decorate den – done!

6. Pack your bag full of the bits you’ll need – done!

7. Get her to come with you – to be done!

8. Success – no

9. Is she your girlfriend? – never

2016, March, 1

Dear me,

Yeonjun has been clinging to me like never before. He sits with me all the time, at school, at home and when we go out. I think we are conjoined at the hip. It’s kind of funny, in a babyish way.

He’s been weird with me ever since his friend asked me out, I told him no, but we became friends. It’s weird how that works… I did try and give him a chance, but I didn’t like him that way. I didn’t even feel anything, it felt dull. I felt bad, but I told him no, not that I told Yeonjun. It isn’t his business, if I’m honest. If Layla wanted to date him, the bile would rise from my stomach. Two of my friends dating, that is just a no. Maybe I should let him know so he relaxes. Maybe then he’ll leave my side… but it’s fun having him around.

2016, March, 17

Is it possible to love being around the one that broke your heart?

Am I really in love with her?

How to tell her I love her?

That’s what my search history looks like nowadays because nobody prepares you to feel this, or how to even deal with it. growing up I couldn’t imagine loving (Y/N), it was the wildest, most far-fetched thing ever. But as I read my diaries from those days and think about how I treated and thought about her, it’s obvious, I’ve had a crush on her forever. The only reason I didn’t notice was because I thought it was the normal feeling of liking a close friend. Why did it take me so long to notice? So long that now other guys like her as well. I don’t even have a chance anymore… who would’ve thought… certainly not me… I love the one girl who has never liked me…. How sad.

2016, April, 1

My project is nearly done. As I was resting today, Yeonjun flew into my room, not even knocking, as usual. Whenever he needed someone to check his music or dance, he’d come rushing over to my house, straight into my room. ‘’Listen to it!’’ he said sitting down on my bed, to which I said the only words that I could think ‘’Knock’’, and he nodded, both of us knowing he would most definitely not knock.

I listened to it, it was delicate, so emotive, and knowing Yeonjun’s created it, was even better. It was better than that! It was perfect, stupid talented boy. As I looked at my phone, I realised I had to go, it was nearly time for the call. ‘’Yeah, it's amazing Jjunie, can you go now? I’m busy’’.

He huffed at me, as if not believing I could be busy ‘’doing fucking what, you were in bed on your phone!’’. When I told him I was going to call a friend he whined about it being our thing, so I told him it wasn’t ‘’You practically living in my house is our thing’, Now get out he’s waiting for me’’.

The mere idea of a male wanting to speak to me clearly disgusted him because he burst ‘’HE??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY FRIENDS WITH GIRLS’’. I decided then that I shouldn’t tell him it was his friend I was about to call. ‘’ I have both Yeonjun, now get out before I hit you’’. He pouted at me like a baby, ‘’Fine, I get that I’m being replaced, I’ll go’’.

I watched him leave my room, then I watched him enter his own house and his bedroom light turn on from my window. I then called his friend, and we called for a few hours. It was 11 pm when I looked back out my window and Yeonjun’s lights were off. Yeonjun’s light is always on till at least 1 a.m. What was he doing?

I didn’t do anything to upset him, did I? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?

2016, April, 1

I’m being replaced. I didn’t know a crush could turn into something worse, is there even a verb that can describe this feeling? Maybe instead of a crush, I have a pulverize… that seems right. My heart feels pulverized. Do you want to know why?

Well because (Y/N) kicked me out of her house to call a guy. I have never been kicked out of her house because of someone else like that. Not even Layla. If they called, I'd just sit in the room. why in the world would she kick me out for a different guy?

I feel sick… is that the remnants of my heart trying to escape my body? Should I swallow it or let it out? Is there any point in keeping the slivers of it? When I looked out my window I could see her, she left her curtains wide open again, and I could see as her serious face lifted into a bright smile. She was laughing at his jokes… and all I could do was watch. Do I do this to myself?

I can’t watch anymore… I can’t feel like this again. I’ll go to the only friend I can think of…

2016, May, 1

Dear future me,

Is Yeonjun still ignoring us? He hasn’t spoken to me in school, he hasn’t come to my house… what is happening? Why is he ignoring me? I hope he has a good reason because I don’t like how this feels.

Everything is endlessly dull without him. Where is the colour I love? He made everything so much brighter, more exciting…. Did I just say that I loved the colour, and then suggest that Yeonjun was in fact the colour to my world…. Yes, I did.

Am I in love with Yeonjun?

Holy fuck, I think I love Yeonjun. is this the feeling inside of me? The warmth and light when I’m close to him and the cold dusk when I’m apart from him. Oh god, I really love him… don’t I? Fuck… how did this happen? When did this happen? This year? I’m not sure…

What am I going to do?

2016, April, 16

Is it better if I keep ignoring her? She seems ridiculously sad nowadays. She doesn’t stay in school any longer than she has to. Can I reach out and hug her? Or will she push me away. She probably will, she has other friends now.

I must be a speck of dust in the vast landscape that is her world. I float by, annoying her for a while then I get forced to move along by this force, its wind to a dust, but to me, I’m not sure. What pushed me away from her? Is it possible that by turning my back to her I pushed the same poles of our magnet together? Is it possible that I am the force that’s keeping me from her? If she turns her back as well, does that mean we click again? Maybe I should spin around and confess how I feel. But after all…. I’m just dust.

2016, May, 1

I have a plan. I’m going to get Yeonjun back and make him mine all at the same time. I can’t survive much longer away from him. This feeling is devouring me.

The next stage of my project will arrive in a few days, that’s when I put the rocks in my favourite places. There is a heart rock I found as a child, I named him Yeonjun, and I’ve painted it! Its finally time to return it to my favourite place. I’ll write a letter for him and put the rock at the bottom, buried under colourful paper.

If this doesn’t tell him how I feel I’m not really sure what will. This was the perfect idea, and it linked up so magnificently.

2016, May, 21

I’m so in love with her. You’ll never guess what she did… it was incredible. Like a scene from a movie, or a storybook. She’s so perfect.

After a long day at college, doing my final performance for my exam I came home, just to find her sitting on my bed. I hadn’t spoken to her or been to her house in months. I was so scared to talk to her that I instantly spewed out the first thing she always tells me ‘’What happened to knocking?’’. She shrugged her shoulders with a giggle ‘’I will next time’’. I knew it was a tease at me for never knocking and never learning how. ‘’touché… what brings you to my house, you prefer your house’’.

She deadpanned me at my words and spoke ‘’You don’t come over anymore’’.

‘’You don’t invite me’’, that’s what I said! Could I really not think of a better excuse!!! ‘’I’ve never had to before’’ she countered, and to that I only made up mor lies to hide my feelings ‘’I finally clicked that you didn’t want me around’’.

She huffed at me’’ why would you even think that?’’. I shrugged at her and sat down next to her, trying to peak at what was behind her back, but I couldn’t even see because it was in a box, cutely wrapped like the Christmas gifts she gives me. She stood up and spoke ‘’I’m going to leave this here. You decide if you should start coming back over to my house once you’ve seen it’’. I grabbed her hand as she tried to leave ‘’Don’t be suspicious, just tell me’’. She giggled and squeezed my hand then let go ‘’nope, it’s something you should do alone’’.

The second she was out of my door, I reached for the box and when I opened it, I saw a letter, so I read it, I’ll put it with this one, so I never lose it. once I had read it, I put my hand into the tissue and pulled out a beautifully painted rock. Fuck… she’s incredible. It wasn’t any old rock; it was the one I’d found for her when we were children and I’d sneakily given it to her. I saw her painting it a few months ago for her project, and I knew she was planning on returning them to her favourite places…. I just never knew that would be me. I thought I wanted to cry right then and there.

I knew I had to chase after her, but was straight away to soon? It might have seemed a bit desperate, but I was. My pulverise needed to leave me alone that instant and turn into never ending love for her. Like I originally thought a crush was….

I ran to her house and the second I got into her room, I pulled her into my arms, hugging her as tightly as I could now that I knew she loved me back. I told her how I felt in a single whisper ‘’ I love you too’’ and that’s when she said it back ‘’I love you Poop-Jun’’. Any other situation I’d hate the stupid name, but this time it was almost adorable, it was perfect. She knew it as well.

I asked her the question ‘’will you be my girlfriend’’… and that’s why I know have a girlfriend. Isn’t that’s awesome. The perfect girl you’ve had a crush on forever, is finally your girlfriend. Future me, please keep her happy, and stay together till you are old and wrinkly.

Dearest Yeonjun,

I’ve met many people in my life; good people and bad. No one has ever captured my heart so completely. When I look at you, you appear to glow with a glittering aura. Everything else fades into a grey background without you, as if you have stolen the colour from my world and taken it with you. I need you by my side, Yeonjun.

Those times you would run past me at college, would make heart flutters, and butterflies swirl with delight. And rage with violent anger! You make me feel so many things, but even that’s better than dull and emotionless.

I know all kinds of things about you. All different things. Like the lake you visit when you're feeling lost. You’d found it on a walk one day, and showed it to me the next. Remember? I had never expected you to come across something so captivating, but of course you had. You always make my soul shimmer.

When my eyes laid sight on the golden sun, glistening on the blue hue of the lake, I felt the familiar surge of inspiration, like a guitar melody in one of your songs. When I turned to you, you were transfixed on the lake, so peaceful, enjoying the moment. Did you realise I stole that moment, imortalising you on my page as you drifted, weightlessly into your own reality. That mere drawing is the most honest representation of you. I’ve never told you, but you are the reason I fell in love with art in the first place, I wanted a way to treasure you. Yeonjun, you are a work of art to me.

I like being with you. I try to sit next to you as much as I can. I find myself staring at you all the time. I want to always be with you. And I can’t help myself.

These special moments just between us. You are my light, shining in my world, you ease the sadness. As overwhelming as the loneliness but as soft as cherry blossom, this feeling is as strange as it is new! I guess you can only call it love.

I find myself counting the days we’ve been apart. Longing, with one wish, only to see you again. I want you, I wonder, hopeful, if you feel the same. Thoughts of you fill me, I need you beside me, always.

When I feel the loneliness will consume me, I think about the moments we’ve shared, the Christmas joy, my rocks, and your music. Years ago a beautiful heart-shaped rock greeted me at the gates of my house, and when I gazed up I saw you staring back at me. From that moment I decided I’d call the rock Yeonjun, just like Small Sam had a name. I’ve wondered all these years, if you hid the heart rock for me to find. To me, it became a symbol of our friendship, our changing relationship, our blossoming love.

For my project you know I was painting rocks to return them to my favourite places, and this one is for you, Yeonjun. Because you, and everything you mean to me, is my favourite place. Isn’t it fitting that the rock I found that day, is the rock I return to you? Please accept it, along with my heart.

I love you

“Awwwww… mum fell harder!!! That’s so sweet. He was ready to give up on her but she made the move that he couldn’t! I can’t wait to tease them about this!” Their daughter giggled, packing the pages back away where they belong. Their youth… oh how magical it was.

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