#like learning why they cared and trying to see how my knowledge could help them

[baejax-the-great]

Got an email today calling me the international authority on the protein I wrote my PhD thesis on

[viktoriaashleyyx]

Why do some of us not *hate* Tamlin?

I am pro-tamlin, not pro feylin. I would prefer Tamlin to never have to deal with the NC ever again. If SJM never types his name out again I will be happy.

Tw: light mentions to DV, SA, and Divorce.

Feyre is written in a way that makes it feel like she is intentionally manipulating us against Tamlin to justify her leaving him the way she did, and to put Rhysand up on a pedestal.

The abrupt and sloppy way SJM handled Tamlins' character assassination induced my fight or flight. Let me explain:

My parents divorced when I was 4, and I had to learn, quickly, how to interpret people's true intentions and empathize with where they are coming from vs just blindly listening to someones account of what happened. My father got custody of us and would use the same elements against my mom that Feyre uses against Tamlin. I HAVE to read between the lines or I would fall to the intentional manipulation.

"She left me so she probably cheated" "he trapped me in the house" "she has a new boyfriend so she doesn't care about you anymore" "he hit me [when I was actively TRYING to get him to hit me to sway public opinion of him]"

Everytime Feyre left for the NC, she did so kicking and screaming. Every indication Tamlin could see was that she did NOT want to go with Rhys, until he gets a letter from her saying to not come looking for her that she doesn't want to be with him. Tamlin didn't know she could read or write. Had that been my love I would assume it was a ransom note too, written by someone else. Had she actually spent 1 hr winnowing to Tamlin, tell him face to face, then winnow back (with an escort) he MIGHT have gotten the hint.

A tithe was a weird thing to use to show how cruel Tamlin is, considering how 2/3 of the night court live in constant fear, children's bones are broken for misbehaving, the CoN are trapped there. SJM really showed us that she has no political knowledge what so ever. I barely started ACOFAS and when Feyres talking about the unnatural sum of her money, my first thought is "You don't amass that level of wealth without oppressing someone." Lucien said that Tamlin would be expected to hunt down those not able to pay the tithe, but when we get to Tamlins actual actions he just said "get it together in 3 days or pay double next time". In my initial reading, I interpreted it as another mask (like how Rhysand acts). Tamlin does this due to tradition, he is expected to act a certain way, but *I felt* he had no intention of acting out what he said. It was just a line he was expected to say to send the wraith away without others expecting the same.

Feyre and Tamlin were not right for eachother because they were not eachothers mates. People can exist fine separately, and be incredibly toxic together. From page 1 we see Feyres inherent inability to empathize with anyone, she has it bad, she has to hunt, therefore her sisters don't do anything. But she also can't cook, so who was preparing the meat she brought home? It gave me "housework isn't real work" vibes. Feyre also doesn't communicate very well, which would explain why a literal mind reader was able to help her better than Tamlin was. I saw Tamlin trying but not being able to help her because he couldn't read her mind.

Feyre didn't want to be trapped in a manor for a few hours while she was displaying manic behavior, but she condoned her sisters be trapped in the HOW for 6 weeks immediately after losing their lives. She condones the treatment of the people in Hewn city and supports the literal Jim Crow laws placed against them in Velaris when all they wanted was to leave. She condones and supports trapping Nesta in HoW after the war just to force Cassain on her so Feyre can play matchmaker.

Feyre is an inherently self centered sociopath. She can read minds and still can't develop a shred of empathy.

Just leave Tamlin alone. Damn.

[justastraymoa]

HOW DID YOU LOSE MY CAT?

I was in a complete state of panic and three thousand miles from home, unable to do anything to help the situation at hand.

"How did you lose Cheese?” I wheezed into the phone trying to calm my breathing and thoughts enough to focus on the problem at hand.

Its really my fault. I made the mistake of trusting a neighbor to watch my precious baby boy while I was on a week long work trip. The trip was mandatory and last minute so I had no choice.

I just moved a couple months ago and with the new job and settling into the new apartment I hadn’t had time to really get to know the neighborhood or the neighbors. Still, the middle aged man across the way seemed nice enough the few times we chatted and he agreed to go feed Cheese twice a day.

He didn’t give updates unless I specifically asked for them, but beggers couldn’t be choosers and I had no choice but to go on this last minute trip.

"Its not my fault. He bolted when I opened the door.” Luo responded. I could practically hear the shrug over the phone.

"Well did you go after him?” I pressed. Honestly I felt like I was pulling teeth here. The man took responsibility for my cat by agreeing to take care of him for the week, the least he could do was feel bad for losing him.

There was a drawn out dismissing noise on the other end of the line. “Not really. I followed him to the stairs but he was gone by the time I got to them.”

I clenched my fist and nearly bit my tongue off. I wanted to yell and scream at the man for not caring even a little bit about my loved one! “Can you go out and look for him or put up posters or something?” I asked. Surely this was not too much of an ask. It was the bare minimum someone in this position could do!

"Ill put a bowl of food out for him, but I don’t have time to wander around town looking for a cat. Just get another one when you get back if he doesn’t show up. There are shelters full of them I am sure.”

I stood in my hotel room in angry shock. How could this asshole say that to me mere minutes after learning my pet ran off to god knows where! How heartless!

"Listen, I have to go. Ill let you know if he shows up.” The line clicked and I looked at the screen to see my own reflection staring wide eyed back at me in the black screen.

I looked around the room, thinking through my options. I was the lead in this meeting and no one else could present like I could. Even if someone could take over for me, I am the only one on this trip from my company who knows most of this information. There was no way anyone could answer any of the questions the others were sure to ask. And I was still too new at the company to risk a bad review or ask for any favors.

Bottom line. I was stuck here while my baby was out on the streets thousands of miles away doing god knows what. He could be hurt or worse! He was an all black cat and there were some sick people out there who would see that and use him for some awful purposes and do unspeakable things to him!

There was no way I was going to be able to sleep for the rest of this awful trip! And I still had to look and act presentable! Five days of not knowing what was happening to my Cheese! Why did I think this job was a good idea. I was perfectly fine where I was. In my cozy little hometown working at the local grocer on the weekends and the tiny doctors office the rest of the week.

Sure my knowledge and degree were being wasted there, and I was miserable at both jobs. But I knew everyone there and was known back. And people cared about each other there. Everyone knew Cheese and would have turned the town upside down to try and find him the moment he got out the door. Not that he ever even tried to get out with me. He is mischievous, sure, but he had never once tried to escape. But no, I got the opportunity to work my dream job in a big city hours from home and I thought it was perfect.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe Cheese would come back for dinner in a couple hours and this whole nightmare could be over.

A text message the next morning from Luo stated that the food bowl he put out had not been touched.

I went about my day as best I could. I noticed some odd stares and several of the other people asked if I was okay because I was being quieter than usual. I was honest with them as much as I could be without being annoying and whiny. They were appropriately sympathetic, but of course could not or did not offer any solutions.

As I sat at a dinner with a whole group of people I only just met for this trip my phone pinged with a new message. After a quick glance I excused myself and almost ran to the bathroom.

I quickly texted everyone I could to see if anyone was available to go pick up Cheese from his savior and cat sit for me for the rest my trip.

Parents were immediately a no. Dad got hurt trying to clean the gutters by himself and mom was stuck waiting on him and making sure that he actually rested and took his medications properly.

BFF was also a no. She was on a vacation with her new boytoy out on some beach somewhere with perfect sunsets and white sand. I’m a little jealous not gunna lie.

I wracked my brain for any other options on people. Luo was obviously a hard no. Forever. I would not trust that man to borrow a cup of sugar from now on.

At least Cheese seemed to be okay. And he found himself a friendly household. In the pictures this Bangchan sent Cheese looked happy and healthy. No visible injuries, and Bangchan said he didn’t see any either. He even has a cat loving roommate. So Cheese would be okay for a little while until I could figure out someone who could go get him.

I felt really guilty for sticking my cat on some strangers who already had gone above and beyond for both him and me. But Bangchan seemed adamant, and I knew Cheese would be okay with them.

I need to go out and get something for them. A gift or souvenir or something to show my appreciation. That’s how I would spend my evening to occupy my time and brain from the guilt and missing my boy.

Okay so me and Lino are going to get along amazing I can already tell.

First he sent me a pic of my boy without even me asking first. An actual update without having to ask for one!

Second, Bangchan was not lying. He is a cat lover through and through.

Lino:

'I have happily sacrificed half my bed for Cheese.’

A new picture of Cheese and him all cuddled together on what looked like a very large bed soon followed the message.

I laughed to myself.

Me:

'Don’t let him hog the bed too much. He likes to shove me off the side occasionally.’

My bed was a queen, and I only upgraded to that size because of Cheese. My full size was just not big enough for both of us. He liked to touch you when sleeping, and he will physically use all 4 paws to push you until you are on the very edge of the mattress.

Lino:

‘its far too late for that. I happily give it up though to be honest. And he snores! It’s the cutest thing I have ever heard in my entire life! I recorded it.’

Then a recording came through, the first time I was hearing my baby boy in days. I nearly burst into tears, as it was my eyes stung. I saved the recording and set it to my message tone so I could listen to it anytime I got a text.

Me:

'Thank you so much for sending me that you have no idea how much I miss him'

'I was so worried when he got out and my neighbor didn’t even care!

Lino:

'I understand somewhat. I have three boys at my parents house that I miss so much.'

A picture of three adorable cats followed all labeled with their names.

Me:

'Aww they are so cute!'

Bin is allergic to cats! The guilt is back full force and more! Not only did I stick my cat on some strangers for 3 days, but one of them is ALLERGIC!

I truly am an awful person. I need to go out and get more thank you gifts for them. There is no way I have enough.

Much later as I was getting ready to head to bed I got a videocall from the latest of Bangchans roommates. I answered a little leery about video calling someone I only just messaged for the first time a couple hours ago.

I tried not to react to the absolute cuteness that greeted me on the other end of the call. Not only was Cheese there, but Bin was a cutie himself. Cheese was curled up on his chest as he lounged on what looked like a couch.

“I know its strange that I am calling you when we haven’t even met.” Bin started cheeks turning a little pink. On the screen I could see him absent mindedly stroking down the length of Cheeses back over and over.

I melted inside. “its not a problem. Is something wrong? I truly am sorry you are stuck with Cheese when you are allergic. I feel really bad!”

“Actually that’s why I called. I don’t want you to feel bad. I would tell you if it was a problem, I promise. But he doesn’t seem to be triggering my allergies much.” Bin shrugged and Cheese chirped in annoyance at being jostled.

I sighed as I curled up on my bed. “If you are sure. I can still try and find someone to come get him.” I offered. It may be easier to get mom to come out if it was only for tonight and tomorrow. I was due back the day after that in early morning. I could probably convince her if I begged and pestered enough.

“No no don’t. I am enjoying him. He is a little heater! Feels good after a long workout.”

We chatted with no real conversation for a good half hour more, which kinda shocked me. I wasn’t one to be super sociable. And I didn’t even really know this person. He was just sweet and really easy to talk to.

Hyune, the fourth roommate, made me realize that I hadn’t told anyone my name. It didn’t even occur to me to. I was so focused on Cheese and that whole situation. Even if he asked for it in kind of a rude way. Who asks for a name without giving one first??

AND HE WAS A DOG PERSON!

My poor Cheese is stuck with a dog person! The horror! Its downright wrong! Im a bad pet parent!

Still, it felt really good to be so easily folded into their conversations and bantering like they did. And they don’t seem to mind when I banter back with them. It feels like it used to when I lived in my hometown. Friendly.

I was going to be home tomorrow. Finally sleeping in my own bed with my baby in my arms!

And I could shower in my own shower and cook actual food on a stove and not have to go out for every meal!

I missed home. I missed Cheese.

There were tears, though I didn’t point them out to either Lino or Bin. I just politely ignored their sniffles and quick swiped across their cheeks.

It warmed my heart to know that they liked Cheese so much. He was the best cat ever, so im not shocked. But it makes me feel better since they watched him for me for several days.

I didn’t stay at the Bangchan apartment long. I was exhausted from the flight and week long travel, and I think the boys could see that as well so they didn’t push.

I gave them the several bags of gifts. Everything from keychains to food. Anything I could find that I thought suited the situation.

Hyune and Bin snatched the bags and moved a few feet away to look at everything in excitement. Lino was still standing beside me, petting Cheese who was in my arms. His eyes were still wet and he sniffled occasionally.

“You really didn’t have to get us anything. We enjoyed Cheeses company. It will feel a little lonely here without him to be honest.” Bangchan stated side eyeing his two roommates.

I shook my head with a smile. “It was the very least I could do. I was out of my mind with worry when he was missing and then you took him in for days when I couldn’t find anyone. Trust me, this isn’t even close to enough to show how thankful I am.”

Bangchan smiled sweetly. “Well thank you, im sure we will love everything. As you can see they are already very excited.”

I headed home soon after that. Giving Cheese the lecture of his fuzzy life as I drove. For his part, he listened quietly, but didn’t seem at all fazed.

A/N: okay so since the texts were originally by themselves they don't match up perfectly but bear with me here.

I don't know if anyone will really enjoy this but I wanted to get more detailed my own self so I am writing for me mostly. Self indulgence.

Love you all and thank you for even trying to read. Sorry for errors, I'm hooman 🤷🏻‍♀️

And thank you in advance for any reblogs, notes, comments, tags, replies, and/or anything else. Let's have fun with this together 🩷💙💜

Masterlist

[coyotes-rules-of-change]

Have we as a society lost our sense of acceptable public behavior?

Picture it: me, a swanky bistro, and an elegant patio adorned by the warm glow of string lights. I'm having a nice dinner—just me and my current favorite menu—until a couple is seated near me. It didn't take me long to hear that they were celebrating a six month anniversary and—given their gradually escalating volume—it was a night out at my favorite restaurant that was not going to fix their obvious relationship problems. In the short time it took the fresh rosemary rolls and whipped butter to arrive at their table, their loud talking had become peaks of yelling quelled only briefly by an unsatisfactorily hushed "quit talking so loud" or an ironic "you're embarrassing me."

Do you hate them yet? Because I definitely did. Except unlike you, I can take care of this; after all, knowledge of my methods is becoming more widespread. All I have to do is wait the thirty seconds it will inevitably take for the volume to boil over yet again.

"I can't take you anywhere!"

There she is again. Time to work my magic—

"Same shit again! I can't fucking take you anywhere! Everywhere we go: "miss, could you quiet down", and "sir, could you tell your date to stop yelling.""

"I'm not the one screaming f-bombs in public places! You need to learn some manners!"

*Whoosh.*

"Babe, I just can't have a conversation with you if you always yell." Already he's speaking at a much quieter volume.

"I just never feel like you're listening to me."—and she's also followed suit. Maybe that was all I needed to do, now I got my peace and quiet... but I'm not one to stop once I've started, and I suppose I'd rather not disappoint you either—after all, this isn't very interesting yet, is it. She continues: "I told you to dress nice and all you can manage is a t-shirt and shorts."

"I love you babe, but you can't tell me that you showing that much skin in a place like this is appropriate either."

No one sees it, but a slight grin crosses my face. I wave my hand and...

*Whoosh.* A light breeze passes through and their outfits shift.

"I'm dressed showing skin?! You're not even wearing a shirt."

"Babe, you're basically just wearing a sports bra and shorts."

"I look good. You don't work out enough to pull off not wearing a shirt in public."

*Whoosh.* A light breeze again. He's sporting some nice light muscle: square pecs, a nice six-pack, and some toned arms.

"Babe, I know I'm nowhere near my bulking goals but I know I look good enough to pull off being shirtless. Look, if you're gonna be like this, maybe we reschedule and have this dinner when you're not on your period."

...

...

...Look. What I did here may have been inappropriate... but would you expect anything less from me. I don't claim to be ethical, and I'm pretty sure you are well-aware of my biases by now... I'm not proud of what I did... I'm not... Okay maybe I am.

The ebb and flow of the conversation took a radical tone when one masculine voice was met for the first time by another. "Well then it's a good thing I'm not a girl."

"I guess that's true. Why would I even say that?"

"Because you're trying to avoid the subject again. Between you're time at the gym and your time at work, I never see you."

"I can't help it. At least I have a job."

*Whoosh.*

"Being an influencer is a job. I just wanna know how you can spend so much time working out when your job is being a personal trainer."

"My body is my sales pitch. I've build so much muscle now my co-workers are telling me I could enter a physique competition. Maybe if you worked out more, you'd actually get followers, and make money."

*Whoosh.*

"That's why I wanted to come here with you. Ever since I started working out with you, I have been gaining followers just as fast as I've been gaining muscle. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell you: I have 1 million followers."

"Babe, that's great news. I can't believe it!"

"Yeah, and there's more. The videos that gained the most traction online were the ones I shot with you. So I wanna go in a different direction with my page from now on."

"Wait, you've built it up by yourself. Why would you change it?"

"I wanna make it a couples page. Health, fitness, and gay pride."

"Most people dating for three years usually get proposals involving a ring."

"Do you wanna do this with me?"

"Yes, of course!"

A couple in my favorite bistro rise and embrace beside their patio table and share a passionate kiss. They seem happy, although I sit there and wonder if they'd be interested in a third for the night.

Have we as a society lost our sense of acceptable public behavior?

No. Not in this case. It could absolutely be much worse.

[mushroomcrepe]

Byakuya is stronger than me because if my baby genius son senku refused any of my loving parent hug or kissie i would literally cry in my bed after pretending to go take a nap

This above was the original post, but actually i decided to make it into a more developped observation of Byakuya and Senku relationship and why they have the best anime father-son bond ever.

I would like to remind that everything that is said is about two characters that have a completely different personality and way of handling things, and so the argument "they both love science" isn't enough to explain why they have a better bond than any other anime father-son, and why Byakuya is best father.

First of all and the one everyone knows, Byakuya always gave his support and sacrified for Senku. He takes his parent responsabilities to heart and never questions his son's path.

He knows Senku likes to make things by himself, that he enjoys learning by tests and errors, and he never tried to stop him. On the contrary, he sold his car to have money to prepare a whole laboratory for Senku. Of course not any family could afford selling their car, or lending freely all money amouts, but it's not a meaningless decision either. A whole laboratory, for his son, because he knew Senku wants to do it himself and Byakuya would rather let go of things he likes than seeing Senku being stopped in his passion.

After the first pretrification, Byakuya first goal was Senku (normal for a parent lol), but then his goal changed to helping Senku in every way possible for when he wakes up. Something that no one could be sure to happen.

He knows he'll die long before it could happens, so he created a village just so Senku could have people to help him. A whole VILLAGE that he made surviving with his stories of knowledge for THOUSANDS of years so Senku wouldn't be alone in his quest of reviving everyone and would get help. Oh and also made the people of the village transmit for generations a message for his son. All this time. That's crazy how he never gave up. He also spent the rest of his life collecting platinium, until he died there. He sacrified his health and life because that's his genius son and that's enough reasons for him. (It's actually crazy if you rewatch the anime you'll see everything he does is for his son)

Next point is the affection showed between them. Senku is Byakuya joy and pride, he never stopped telling it in his way to absolutely everyone. Senku is aware of the love Byakuya has for him, which is very important for a child growing up to know you have your dear ones that care and will care whatever happens.

He doesn't belittle his father emotions at all (Senku isn't the kind to not care about people feelings btw but that's another story). When the Jaxa was looking for astronauts again, he made a swimming costume because he knows his father isn't doing great, but more importantly he did it because he knew how much he was waiting for the opportunity to show up and how much it would mean to him to pass the test.

All this brings me to the next point, the unbreakable trust between them. If he wasted his life with labor work at collecting ore, if he made a village when he just could have waited death, if he made a recording of the last song of humanity, it was all because he trusted Senku to find it. He trusted his capacities, he trusted his hardworking mind, he trusted his cartesian brain to not give up. He based everything of the small chance that he'll wake up, but he knew that if he ever does, he would 100% find the remedy to the petrification.

And on Senku's side, he trusted Byakuya way of helping him. Of course he couldn't guess what he did for him at first. But the second he understood Byakuya came back alive from space and did something for him, he trusted that Byakuya wouldn't give up on him and would try his best.

Neither of them ever put in question their bond, they are father and son, whatever people say, whatever if they aren't blood-related, they are linked by the love and trust they hold for each other. They know and they agree to it completely.

What makes their relationship interesting is that not any of this is said directly/openly, because firstly they doesn't need to (with all that they did for each other) and also because Senku doesn't communicate this way at all. Actually Byakuya and Senku have a completely different love language : Byakuya is very open and outspoken, but Senku is the opposite, using actions as a way to express love. So Byakuya adapted and did things that shows to his son that he cares, like the laboratory or the years of work post petrification for exemple. He almost expressed his love on the song record, but he didn't because he knows Senku knows. They just know, they trust and they believe.

All that explain why they have the best relationship. Also this would explain why everyone seems attracted to Senku's science. There is passion in it. There is the love and care, there is the enjoyement of showing to others how science is cool. No wonder, that's what Byakuya did to Senku his whole life. Byakuya didn't teach him science, he taught him passion and perseverance.

Anyway goodnight and sorry for the grammar mistakes i'm not english and it's past midnight, i hope it makes sense

[moonkissedvisions]

Pick a card: Messages from the Divine Feminine within you

The Divine Feminine explained

Consider:

This is a general reading. Take what resonates and leave the rest.

Tarot readings don´t replace professional advice.

English is not my first language.

To choose a pile, ask yourself: What do I need to know from the DF?

Pile one

Cards: The Devil, 3 of Pentacles, The Chariot, Page of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles.

Power

Pile 1, the DF is asking you to take your power back, to remember how powerful you are and how YOU are the only one who has control over your choices. No one but you has control over your desires, responsibilities, and decisions. There is something that may be trapping you, draining you, or making you feel like you lost your power and have no control over your life. This could be an obsession or addiction, a strong sexual desire, overspending, codependency, unhealthy habits, negative thoughts, an internal or external narrative that you are hanging on, overindulgence, etc. It could be anything that is potentially hindering your spiritual growth and responsibilities. You have to remember now what you came here for and what truly and wholy fulfills you, instead of seeking a quick dopamine hit. You must look at your environment and see where the negative influences are, but you also must see inside yourself and meet your shadow.

You need to know that you are not the victim, that you are not helpless, that you are in fact responsible and FREE, and that you have a lot of power and control on your hands. Get out of your own way now. Accept your darkness, and then redirect your attention to your light. Make good choices by practicing mindfulness. Shadow work is particularly beneficial if you have these struggles. You can ask yourself what's holding you back or why are you running away from your path. When you check in your environment, consciously remove any energy that may be negatively affecting you. Start to be aware of the stories that you tell yourself, but also the ones that you find in your environment, in social media, in the social groups you are in, at work, school or home, within a relationship.  You can also ask yourself: Am I afraid of my creative power? Is that why I give it up or waste it in short-term pleasures? Learn how to discern passion from agression, when to apply each, and when not to.

Connections

Another message from the DF is to seek collaboration and support from others. At this time, your knowledge and experiences are especially valued and recognized when you share and distribute them with others than when you work by yourself, and you'll find better results by combining your capacities with those of others and work together as a team. Each person contributes with their skills to get greater success and more time for you to rest and practice self-care. Don't be afraid to share your work with others if it´s too much to do alone. People will be happy to help you achieve common goals. At first, your progress may seem small, but if you all apply a good organization, planification and work distribution, you will be getting there soon! If you are someone used to working alone, this is the time to try something new.  

Success

You are in your success era, achieving your goals, traveling, moving, learning a lot of new things, going to a bunch of new places. You have to keep trusting your vision, embodying your success, and holding on to the feeling of being capable of reaching your goals, every of them. Love your life, rejoice in victorious/winner energy by looking how far you've come and remembering your endless possibilities! This will have you attracting more and more. It's the time to enjoy your secure, abundant life. Delight in your comfort. See how your abundance benefits your spiritual and personal development and relish. Some of you may be obtaining a higher social status or receiving surprising news. Keep your choices intentional and aware but permit yourself to enjoy comfort, rest, and a relaxing time in nature. Invest your money in yourself, in beauty and pleasure. Allow yourself to eat the fruits of your labor.

Excitement 

You have curiosity and enthusiasm. The energy from this pile is so exciting and youthful. There can be a new opportunity to learn about your path, yourself, or something new that catches your attention. Perhaps you were just going to start a new creative project or try something again but with a different mindset and fewer inhibitions. You could explore a more optimistic attitude. There is also a possibility of a new journey or some sort of spiritual renewal happening. Whatever it is, I hope it's true for every one of you because it sounds amazing, Pile one. There are lots of confirmations that you are on the right path. If you were being restricted by limiting beliefs, or maybe a know-it-all mindset was stopping you from learning new things, this is your sign to start again and to unleash your inner child. Unleash what makes you young and that which has not yet matured in your life. 

song: aguardiente y limón by Kali Uchis. so on point lol

If it's true life is what you make it. All the seeds that I planted will grow, grow, grow, grow, grow, grow. I just want to savor the fruits of my labor.

Pile two

Cards: The Empress, Justice, Queen of Swords, The Hierophant, King of Cups, Strength.

Divine, royal spirit

The DF is giving you a lot of words of affirmation, Pile two. Your self-awareness is perfect. You have a fair, logical, rational and realistic mind that's perfectly combined with an empathetic, optimistic, intuitive, and emotionally intelligent mind. You are honest AND considerate. Your intuition is HIGH. You help people with your unmatched advice, vast knowledge, unbiased perspectives, and your clever ideas and thoughts. All of your mental abilities are on point. You have an open heart, but not a naive one at all. You know how to discern reality from illusion, and how to get the best of each. It's giving queen/king energy. You are romantizing your life INTELLIGENTLY, with meaning, reason, and intention. You value both internal and external beauty. You are your own empire, your own sacred temple, your own altar. If you are not already embodying this energy you need to start ASAP. This is such a powerful pile. You are truly embodying your Divine Feminine energy: creative, kind, intuitive, emotionally intelligent, dedicated, beautiful, loving, mindful, balanced, empowering, respectful, wholesomely feminine. You are an example of feminine integrity. If you have been shamed for your feminine power, for your sexuality, for your mystery, for your magic or any aspect of your femininity completely disregard it. Keep embracing the feminine arts. You are learning to be emotionally vulnerable when is proper, and how to express your emotions with self-respect. You understand others's emotions and you know the importance of emotional health. You support others´s in their emotional expression. At the same time, you value facts and evidence. You are an independent thinker. You are sincere. You are real. You are connected to your cycle and those of life and nature. You are connected to the invisible, you are one step forward. You may trigger some people with your truth, but you need to know that you are doing the right thing. You are speaking facts people need to hear. You are taking care of your health, your appearance, your community, you are blooming. You are a legacy, you are ROYALTY. You recognize the worth in yourself and others. If you don't feel like this, unless you chose the wrong Pile, the DF is trying to tell you that you have the potential to be all of it. Follow your feminine wisdom. There is a lot of abundance coming towards you and you deserve it all. If this is what you want, you are attracting someone who matches your energy, your divine counterpart. You are magnetic to all blessings. You are blessed.

Strength

You have the capacity to use your mind in your favor, to focus on what you desire, to give energy to what you want to grow in your life, and to be patient with yourself and what you do. Your high determination and control over your thoughts will take you far, and you'll attract what you want if you keep yourself calm and collected. You need to be aware of your thoughts, habits, and beliefs and take conscious control, but just surrender to the rest. Don't forget to be compassionate towards yourself and others. Keep reminding yourself of your inner power and capacity. Carry on having the control over your impulses and you'll attract all the solutions that you need. You are strong! 

Ritual

With The Hierophant card, your DF messages are about ritual, tradition, religion, and family. You could connect or reconnect to your traditions, start or continue practicing your rituals, and strengthen your faith. If you belong to a religion or a religious practice, it will be beneficial to attend its ceremonies, social events, and to visit temples/churches. You could also benefit from praying, giving offerings, reading sacred scriptures/books, whatever you resonate with. If you don't belong to a religion but you recently became interested in doing so, this could be a sign to do it. If you don't belong to any, and not interested in religion, this is just that rituals/ritualization of what you do is beneficial for you at this time. You could start a new ritual/tradition that will help you feel more connected to yourself and the DF. For some of you, you could reconnect to your family, a parent, someone familiar, or find a new meaning to the concept of "family". Marriages are possible too. There is someone with high morals, great wisdom, someone who answers questions or gives advice, a teacher, a family-oriented person who values tradition, a serious person with their priorities in order. Whether is you or someone in your life, this energy will be favourable for your spiritual growth. Try new things, find new patterns, reevaluate your beliefs.

song: The Girl With A Tattoo enter.lewd by Miguel

Those innocent eyes. That smile on your face. Makes it easy to trust you.

Pile three

Cards: The Devil, Page of Cups, 5 of Wands, Queen of Pentacles, 3 of Cups

Creative new start

The energy of this pile is very similar to Pile 1. Something is holding you back, but in this pile it´s more of an emotional problem. Your DF message suggests that the thing that's holding you back has a lot to do with how you emotionally respond to situations and how you deal with lower passions, temptation, dark thoughts. For some of you, it's your own emotional baggage and negative self talk that's hindering your creativity and growth. For others is a relationship. For maybe a small portion of you, it's a drinking or addiction problem rooted in emotional disorders, escapism, and avoidance. Know that choosing to let go and break free from these habits will give you a fresh start emotionally and creatively, and you are able to choose. When you do, new doors will open for you, and you'll have the possibility to fulfill your dreams and satisfy your emotional needs in more healthy and creative ways. You may also find a way to channel your darkness/shadow in creative ways that will bring more light as a result, or maybe you recently started doing that, and that is your message. In the first pile, there was some possible new spiritual journey or learning path. Here it's more about your creativity, relationships, and emotions. Express yourself, seek love and support, let things flow and unapologetically open your heart. Stop taking yourself and life very seriously. Be more silly is what your DF is saying lol. Your dreams may be getting prophetic too or you are seeing a lot of signs from the Universe. Good news from family, like a marriage, or family getting bigger.

Resolution

If you were looking for a conflict resolution, this is a confirmation that it's coming. Your DF suggests to have a healthy approach to the conflict, put your ego aside and listen to others without competing for who is in the right. There may be different opinions, conflicting thoughts/feelings or people trying to push their own agenda, even someone willing to manipulate or deceive others. A lot of egos fighting and trying to impose themselves. You just need to be empathetic and compassionate, use your intuition, and don´t judge anyone personally. Be brave. Listen and consider all different points of view and encourage the rest to do the same. Don´t be afraid to say what you think. Be aware of selfishness and apathy and don´t tolerate it. This could also be a sign that you'll have to face conflict soon, and you need to be cautious with how you handle the situation. If you handle conflict with acceptance and compassion, you will definitely gain new and favorable connections, collaboration, and material success. You may also get a lot of recognition for how you handle conflict and for your ability to relate to different people with a variety of backgrounds, knowledge, and talents. 

Prosperity 

You may be a practical person and that´s why you like to show affection and love in practical ways. I see you being a homemaker, enjoying cooking and cleaning, creating your business, baking, creating a nice environment, tending to people, and bringing pleasure into the mundane. You are a self-sufficient person with endless energy and dedication. If you don't already, you'll have extra money to share and spoil yourself and your loved ones soon. Prosperity and material success are coming for you. You have everything you need to be successful and independent. You are worthy of everything in the material world. Make the best of your material world. Your needs and those of your family are taken care of. Don´t be afraid of receiving/making money and living a comfortable life. Make the best out of your prosperity and all the opportunities that you have to be prosperous.

Unconditional support

You probably have a nice and loving group of friends, Pile 3. Friendships and social connections are so important for you at this moment, especially female ones. You are giving and receiving a lot of love and support from people. You are being invited to visit new places, hang out, attend parties and events. Say yes to all you desire without feeling guilty. Celebrate without having a big motive. Your ability to socialize is high, and you'll be receiving multiple friendly offerings. You could join a joyful creative group or receive support for your creative ideas. If you keep your creativity a secret, this may be the sign to share it with others and find other creative people who can inspire and encourage you. This is mutual and reciprocal energy. Appreciate your female friends, celebrate the friendships in your life and keep back and forth communication between you and them. Give them your time and let them give you theirs. This will strengthen your connection with your DF.  

song: Material Girl by Madonna.

Experience has made me rich. And now they´re after me.

Thank you for reading and supporting my Tarot readings. ily <3

[r3starttt]

Don’t delete the kisses

a/n: I got my inspo from “See You In My 19th Life” also, felt too personal. Basically reader inspired on me lol

Pt 2. | Prt.3 | Prt.4

Warnings: mentions of bullying, suicide, lots of angst and fluff

“I see the signs of a lifetime, you ‘til I die”

You’ve had seventeen lives so far. You’ve been all kinds of people in all kinds of places, and you always remember each one of them. It always happens for different reasons, it could be a smell that reminded you of a perfume, a new dish that apparently you’ve already tried before, a face that felt familiar, a song that made you feel weirdly in love.

At first it was horrifying, it was so confusing and you made so many mistakes. You told people about it. You tried to find your loved ones, tried to approach to them again because your heart still missed them. But eventually you learned to handle it. Eventually the pain of past life losses disappeared and you just learned to ignore your not so nice gift.

You’ve also learned to adapt to every life, which was becoming easier every time because the knowledge, talents and hobbies from every life apparently stayed with you. Maybe it was your soul?

You stopped having complains and learned to value and enjoy everything. You appreciated every mistake you made because it helped you learn for a future life, you enjoyed feeling everything so deeply because it would help you remember the next time you reincarnate, you showed your love for everyone and did everything you wished so you wouldn’t have any regrets. You learned to be positive and take advantage of everything that was offered to you on each life.

Until now.

Ever since you were a child you’ve felt empty. Loved but not enough to fill your heart, admired but feeling like you’re not worth it, with friends that care for you and a lovely family that provides you all you need and all you could ever ask for but feeling like you don’t deserve them. Maybe you were born sad?

It seems like your whole life happened in the blink of an eye. Maybe it’s the sadness that hasn’t allowed you to enjoy this life properly, but where does that come from?

Maybe you’ve got used to sadness so much that you don’t know how to handle it on this life? It’s frustrating, not even all the knowledge in the world, all the abilities you’ve learned and your old soul can handle such feeling. It’s the first thing you’ve been unable to control, ever.

There is a reason why it got out of control though. When you were eleven you were bullied by your whole class, including some professors. And it didn’t matter how much privilege you had, neither you or your parents could do anything about it.

That’s the moment all the lonely, angry and sad in you became overwhelming, the moment you started to believe in god again just to beg him every day to kill you, to let you die.

And even if that was almost ten years ago it still haunts you. The humiliation, the anger, the loneliness. And you can’t handle it, not because you don’t know how to, but because your body doesn’t allow you to.

Your heart always reminds you of it, like it happens with your past lives, there’s always a smell, a word, an action. The way those kids made you feel, they things those adults said to you, the way your parents broke in tears when you first told them, the awkwardness at home whenever they tried to make you talk to them. It all stuck to you forever.

“What if it’s not meant for me? Love”

However there was someone that was worth trying to live. Her name is Ellie, and you’ve been dating her for some years now.

She’s your childhood best friend, the person you trust the most on this world and the only one that doesn’t make you feel overwhelmed. Your girlfriend and the lover you’ve feel more connected to or all your lives.

“Do you believe in soulmates?” You’re both laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and talking about random stuff, whatever goes trough your minds “Or…. reincarnation”

“None of them, do you?” you could see her moving her head towards you from the corner of your eye “Yeah, I’d like us to be soulmates and find each other on each life” a chuckle came out of Ellie’s mouth “you’re so cheesy ughh” you laughed back, kicking her shoulder with your arm to which she complained.

“I know but, I’ve never loved someone this much el” you turned your head too, smiling at the look of Ellie’s shy smile and and her slightly tainted cheeks “you’ve really saved my life, you know it” Just as those words were spoken, her face changed completely.

“all good?”

You could see the worry on her face, in the way her eyes studied yours and on the pout that slowly appeared. You just sighed back, hesitating a bit and debating if you should tell her the truth or not.

“It’s probably my birthday, I’ll be fine” the reassurment in your voice didn’t seem to convince her, so you spoke again “el, things have been good in the past few years, it’s not gonna change suddenly”

“What if they do?” she’s right, what if they do?

“They won’t, I would already know and I would tell you, I promise” you do know, but you won’t tell her, not now.

“You tell me to get over it and to take you out, but I can’t and I’m too scared. “

You’ve tried to take your life some years ago, before Ellie and you started to date. Honestly, to this day you still don’t know how you managed to not die. It was late at night, right before your birthday, it always makes you feel extremely sad for some reason, you believe is the fear of growing up, of things getting harder.

“And here’s the night bus, I have to go. And the doors are closing and you’re waving”

You’ve had that feeling for over a month. All your healing process falling apart just for your birthday? you still feel ashamed about it. You just took some random blade you’d saved for this moment and started to practically stab your wrists.

All your thoughts mixed with the weirdly feeling of pain and satisfaction and the blood dripping down your arms blinded you, and in the blink of an eye you just loose the balance and fainted.

But you promised yourself that if you didn’t make it back then, you would try it again, no matter what. Or at least you tried to convince yourself.

“What if it’s not meant for me? Love”

“What are you gonna gift me?” you decided to better change the topic before your thoughts could overwhelm any of you “What do you want?” Her hands tangle with yours.

“You haven’t got me anything yet?” a laugh scapes your mouth “I do but…. I don’t know” Ellie loved handmade gifts, however she always does something different for you. “You know I love your gifts el, you can give me a rock and I would admire it forever”

Your hands slowly move from Ellie’s, cupping her face and making her look at you. She’s so pretty, with the light of the sun coming through the window snd hitting her freckles just perfect, making her eyes look shiny too.

“So you want a rock then?” of course she had to make jokes, she can’t handle romantic moments, gets to nervous. You just roll your eyes.

“You know, a perfect gift would be that you stopped using those crusty converse” she immediately groans, pushing your hands away from her face and leaning on her back

“What’s wrong with them?”

“They smell, they’re broken and they’re dirty as fuck because you never clean them”

“They don’t smell! and I glued them recently”

“Ellie, please”

“But don’t call me by my full name”

“I’m not! And I’ve always called you Ellie”

“No you haven’t, you call me El”

“El, please buy some new converse for my birthday”

“And what do I get for doing it?”

“Your girlfriends happiness”

“I think that’s a sign. I’m losing self control and it’s you”

And that’s how you it was for the rest of the day. Ellie pouting every time you teased her but calling you dramatic if you said anything about her teasing you. Also, Ellie suddenly telling you random facts about dinosaurs and space and just random stuff in general.

That was the las time you saw her, until your birthday. She’d come earlier than anyone else to have more time alone with you. It’s not that you had many friends but your family always came too so they’d keep you busy all day.

A day before you were looking through your closet, finding all the cute gifs Ellie had made you, admiring the details of all her drawings and reading the letters. Watching all the Polaroids your mom took of you two, the gift she made for you when she asked you to be her girlfriend, a bracelet she gifted you when you asked her to be her friend, a letter you made for her from when you first fought.

And it made you feel horrible, because the decision was already made, the letters for all the people you cared about were already written and saved in your desk. Your phone was already unlocked so everyone could have access to it, your room was tidy and your closet clean.

You were just waiting for her, for tomorrow, for all your family to be together when you left so it would be hopefully easier to everyone. For everyone to be there and get their letters, for Ellie to not be alone when she got the news, for your parents and your girlfriend to be comforted by each other’s presence.

You went downstairs, looking for Ellie since you heard your parents already speaking with her. They were all siting at the dining room.

It made your heart melt to see you happy she looked the moment she saw you. Her eyes, her pretty nose scrunching a little, her smile widening.

“Can I see my gift already?” Your parents laughed in disbelief, telling you to at lest greet her properly before asking her about a gift.

“Your parents told me you’ll open them later” she chuckled, looking at your parents and then back at you, you did the same.

You stepped closer to her, grabbing her hands and taking her to your room.

“Can you at least tell me what is it? I’ll act surprised I promise”

“A rock”

“Haha so funny el”

You closed the door behind you, watching Ellie sitting on your bed. She just stared at you, with puppy eyes of course. You really hoped you wouldn’t remember this when you reincarnated, or at least that It wouldn’t hurt as much as it does right now.

“What’s that box?” her finger pointed at the box you were just looking trough last night. You walked towards it and took it to the bed, sitting besides Ellie.

“All your gifts” she looked at you in pure shock “This is something I did for you when we were like…. Seven or something, why’d you still have it?”

“My mom saved all this things, it’s cute isn’t?”

“I feel exposed”

“What’s wrong with it? I love all of it”

“Your gift is not gonna fit in here”

“So it’s not a rock and defined not a new pair or converse” your eyes moved towards Ellie’s shoes, she just sighed

“Stop it, you’re the only one that notices them”

“My parents do, my mom asked my why you never changed them” that was a lie, but how could Ellie know?

You did the same thing as last nigh, take a final look to all the gifts that Ellie had made to you, not now with her. You’d made fun of her and she would just frown her eyebrows and eventually pout if she felt really ashamed of it. You’d make her read the letters out loud and ask her about the process of every draw she’d made of you.

“This letter is for me, why didn’t you give it to me?” Now you understood the feeling, karma. “We fought, I decided it was better to apologize in person” her hands leaned the letter towards you, making you read it out loud just as you’d made her do to you.

“January 13 2020” you stopped as she laughed “don’t laugh, you wanted me to read it I’ll read every detail then”

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to make you mad, I’m still not sure what it was- Ellie, you’re such a dramatic person”

“Me? You’re the one that’s dramatic for making a whole letter even though you hate writing just to randomly apologize”

“This just proves how much I love you, shut up”

“Right, keep reading”

“I’m still not sure what it was, but I feel like apologizing because Dina told me how much you’ve been crying and how awful I made you feel-“ you got interrupted by a loud gasp

“Why would Dina told you?” She slapped her hands on her face, groaning “only fucking fake friends these days” you laughed

“Hey don’t say that! I love Dina, she’s the sweetest and I bet she also tells you all I tell her about you, you’re overreacting for something that happened three years ago”

“You speak about me with her?” You nodded

“I want you to know that I’m so fucking grateful for having someone like you in my life. For a long time you were the only one that made me laugh, the only one that made me feel happy and loved and like life was worth it. You’re the reason I keep trying” you could feel the knot of tears forming in your throat, so painful “I feel like you got mad for what I said, but I want you to know that I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I wanted you to know how I truly felt about you and us and my life. I didn’t want to lie to you, I can’t. I was hoping you could understand that I didn’t tell you that before because I was afraid of how would you react, because I care for you snd I don’t want you to get hurt just for my weakness-“

The door of the room got opened after some small knocks were heard. Everyone had got there already. You didn’t realize how long you’ve been in your room with Ellie, totally worth it though.

You just saved the letter in the box again. You’ve purposely let it in your room for Ellie to take a look of it later that day, for her to have something left from you.

You both went downstairs again, Ellie went with your friends and you went to greet each family member, having some small talk with everyone and thanking them for being here.

And the time today felt extremely fast. Maybe this was the first birthday you’ve properly enjoyed, maybe you were excited or anxious, maybe it was the calm you’ve felt for the first time in years, maybe-

“I wanna eat the cake already, can’t you hurry them?” Ellie’s hands positioned around your waist, hugging you from behind and pulling you closer to her. You could see her pretty face resting on your shoulder, staring at you.

“You smell like gummies” you smiled without even realizing, now looking at Ellie. Her lips pressed in yours, the sour and sweet flavor invading your tongue “I ate gummies”.

“There’s tons of food El, why don’t you just eat something that’s not candy? Instead of asking for cake that by the way you won’t get to eat” she pinched your stomach slightly “why won’t I get to eat cake?” “I don’t think there’s enough for everyone

“I deserve it more than them, I’ve been with you, listening to your annoying voice every day” now you pinched her back “shut up or you really won’t get any”

“Do we really have to stay here with everyone? Your grandpa freaks me out” you chuckled “stop being rude to my family” “do we?” “let’s go outside”

And so you walked to the small garden behind your house, sitting on the cold grass with Ellie

“You seem happier this year…. do you feel happier?” you can see her toying with her fingers, staring at them to avoid eye contact “are you worried about me?” your gaze is now focused on your family, inside the house. You can see your friends almost eating each other on the closest window, it makes you laugh.

“The letter…. am I really that important to you?”

“You’re my best friend since forever el, you’re my girlfriend, why wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know, I thought I didn’t help you at all”

“You do”

You turned around again, facing Ellie. She was picking the grass. How were you supposed to leave her? How were you supposed to ever live without her?

You grabbed her face with your hands, pulling her closer for a kiss. Her lips felt just perfect for yours, her skin was so soft, her face just the right size for your hands to fit, her hair the right strength for you to feel it every time you two kissed. You couldn’t do this to her

You tried to break the kiss, but her hands moved behind your back, pulling you closer to her again and deepening the kiss. You could feel her smile trough the kiss, she’s so fucking pretty.

“I love you Ellie, I’ve always loved you, don’t ever doubt it” she laughs in confusion “I love you too” It was the third time you probably said it out loud, you really wished you would’ve told her sooner.

“I’m electric, a romantic cliché”

“Take this, I was planning on give it to you later but…. I guess it’s the right time” you looked confused at her, she was looking for something on her hoodie pockets. A rock

Maybe you should wait, just a little more, just for her.

The rock was painted with your favorite colors, it was your face. Why is she so lovely? Why can’t her love fill your heart? What’s wrong with you?

She slowly puts it on your hands, studying your face, looking for any reaction. You lean on her, hugging her as both of your bodies fall on the grass. You can’t see her but she’s definitely smiling.

“I can’t imagine a life without you Ellie, don’t ever dear to leave me” she thought you were just being romantic because of the gift, but you mean it, you hope you fin her always and forever. To hopefully have the life you won’t be able to enjoy with her this time.

Her hands rubbing your back, her nose smelling your perfume, nuzzling on your neck “I won’t, I promise”

“Let’s go for the cake, I can hear your stomach” you rest your arms on the grass, positioning each one besides Ellie’s face and giving her another kiss. Her eyes look so pretty.

The sky turns orange as you get inside the house again. You hate this part of the day because it means it’s almost over, and today specially you want everything but the day to end. You hope every smiley face in the house can forgive you for what you’re about to do, you hope they understand.

So now you’re siting in the middle of the table, with everyone you love around you as they sing happy birthday to you. Ellie is sitting besides you, taking pictures of you. And you can only thank her in a small whisper, and thank the universe in your mind for letting her have that picture as her last memory of you.

The minute the song is over everyone claps, watching you turn off the candle. You always wished for happiness, but today you’re just wishing for forgiveness. Your smile is wide, it hurts to lie to everyone there.

Before your mom cuts the cake for you as she usually did, you grab the knife and cut a big slice of cake for Ellie. “Can we open the gifts?” you ask loudly to everyone, knowing that way your parents wouldn’t make you wait more.

Everyone’s eating cake, sitting on the couches in the living room, most men in the room staring up, Ellie sitting besides you on the floor and offering you to open the gifts to “help you” but you know she’s just gossiping.

Whenever you didn’t like a gift you’d look at Ellie and she’s look back at you, like you could communicate with each other just with your eyes. She’d laugh and pass you another gift.

If you did like a gift then she’d take it from you and would stare at every detail of it. She’d separate discreetly the ones you liked from the ones you didn’t, she’d usually keep those or Insist you on selling them online.

However the more gifts you opened the more anxious you got. “Where’s your gift el?” you whispered as your mom passed you another gift, that seemed to be the last one. But it was way to small to be from Ellie “mine goes last, open that one, come on”

And so you did, it was a set of some pink pijamas, and the moment you opened them you turned your face at Ellie, she was already laughing “Shut up”

“Wait, there one more” you heard your mom speaking as she walked to the kitchen. Everyone looked at her, waiting to see what it was.

She returned with a big rectangular canvas. Did she just made a huge fucking painting for me? you thought, looking back at Ellie who seemed clearly nervous.

“I’ll give you the letter later, I didn’t want to get exposed in front of your whole family” she whispers

You take the canvas and turn it around. It was a portrait of a picture she took of you the day she asked you to date. It was so detailed, so colorful and just so right. You showed it proudly to your family. Everyone cheered Ellie and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her shy face, her cheeks covered in blush as she looked at her fingers, just as she did whenever she felt nervous. Your friends making fun of Ellie and you for being so “adorable” as you heard them say.

And the rest of the night Ellie just stood close to you, listening to everyone share all the fun memories and stories they had with you. She shared ridiculous things she’d lived with you, making you cover your face ashamed. But also making you laugh as she always did.

And you couldn’t be more grateful at the end of the day because finally, for one whole day you could finally be happy again, you didn’t felt pressured or anxious or sad or overwhelmed at all, and you were with everyone you loved. You could finally go, you were just waiting for living one happy moment in your life before you took such an important decision, and this was it. Today had been all you’ve ever wished for.

So when everyone left and your parents stayed cleaning you could only feel peacefulness overcoming your body. You went to your room and laid on your bed, Ellie was still there. She had to give you her letter and you couldn’t leave without reading it.

The big canvas was already in your room, right next to your bed. You were cuddling her as you read the letter.

“Happy birthday baby. I hope this year can be different, I hope you can get better, I hope you can be happier, and I hope I’m still here every day to see you smile more and more.

I remember starting the painting and regretting immediately because it was gonna take so long and I’m lazy as fuck. But I made it :)

I had to lie to you many times and tell you Joel needed my help with some stuff just so I could finish it, hope you didn’t get mad at it.

I’ve been noticing you off lately, but if I’m honest I’m too scared to ask. But you know you can always tell me anything, I’ll always understand and I’ll always listen, no judgment.

I’m proud of you for making it another year, and I’m the happiest person ever because I have you and I’m watching you try again and again. I know you’ll get better.

I still remember how nervous I was when I asked you to date, I can’t stop thinking about it lately, maybe it’s because of the painting? but I feel the same even after dating you for years, too cliche for you make me feel the butterflies on the stomach, a lot.

I’m glad we’ve got to grow up together, I can’t imagine this life without you. The other day you told me about this, about reincarnation and soulmates, I don’t believe on it, but if it’s real I’ll make sure I’m with you always. I promise.

I can’t wait for your birthday, I wanna see your reaction and I’m containing so much for not telling you already what it is. If you’re reading this then I didn’t regret writing you this or you found it without me noticing like you did last year, don’t do that again pls :(

Anyway, I want you to know that you’re the fucking best, the prettiest girl ever and I love you so fucking much.

Ellie :)”

She saw how you folded the letter, looking at your face for any response “I love you so fucking much too” you moved your head slightly up so you could properly kiss her. You’ve never kissed her so much in one day, you also wished you would.

She stares back at you, with those puppy eyes you love so much, and her dumb smile now a bit shiny due to the kiss.

Her hand moves to your neck, pressing your head on top of her chest. Her other hand moved to the puffy pink blanket that you had in your bed, moving it up to cover both of your bodies. Your hand moves on top of of her tattoo, caressing it softly with your thumb.

And before you realize you two fall asleep, not knowing how your life’s were about to change in less than twenty four hours.

Maybe it was the anxiety coming back but you woke up earlier than usual. You slowly removed Ellie’s arms from yours, placing them over your pillows.

You stood there for some minutes, just staring at her, at her gift next to your bed. Were you being selfish?

You slowly walked towards your desk, picking the letters and placing them on top of it so everyone could see them easily, you also placed your phone on top of them. This was it.

You hated yourself for not waiting for Ellie to leave, for making her see it and be there, but you had waited enough already.

You walked quietly and slowly to the bed, placing Ellie’s letter besides her. Then you walked to the bathroom, locking yourself in it just in case anyone woke up and went to look for you.

You regretted not taking your phone with you, maybe some music would help.

You slowly remove your clothes. You hear the water run. There’s so thoughts on your head right now.

You don’t even realize but the cuts are already there, making the blood run all over the tub and covering your body with it. Your eyes close and the only sound echoing in your ears is your own breathing.

This is nothing like what you’ve done before, this is it.

“Dear loved Ellie. El, Els

I love you so much, don’t ever forget it, don’t ever doubt it. I’m always gonna be with you and I promise, I swear that we’ll meet again. Please read this first before you do anything else. I’m probably not in bed right now, I knew you would stay, don’t panic.

Ever since you know me I’ve been sad, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I told you how I remember mas past lives when we were younger, remember? and you just laughed at me, but I want you to believe it this time. And I want you to never forget me, I want you to meet me again, in another universe where I’m happy and we can get to live anything we didn’t lived here.

I waited just for you, I tried my best, I promised myself I would only try once, and if I failed then I would take it as a signal to say, but I can’t.

Your jokes, your laugh, your pretty face, the songs you played for me with your guitar, you made me stay and try so many times, but I gave up.

I can’t live lifte this forever, and it hurts me deeply to leave you, because you don’t deserve this and I don’t want to leave, but the pain I feel every day is bigger than what I want.

It’s not your fault, it’s no one’s fault actually.

You told me that whenever I could say things out loud I should write them, but never keep them just for myself, and so I’m doing it right now, hoping you, Dina, Jesse, my mom, my dad, my family, you all understand. I know you will.

I want you to find someone else to make happy, some one that’s worth your fucking amazing and pretty self, someone else that truly deserves your time and your jokes, and your songs on your guitar. Someone that stays with you forever.

I feel so ashamed, I just couldn’t say to anyone out loud how tired I felt, how badly I wanted to die. How my first and kiss though if the day was death, how exhausted I feel every day for no reason. I can’t tell you that the moment you leave I feel overwhelmed again, I feel weak and alone. I just can’t.

I also wanna thank you for being with me every time, for teaching me how to live, for not giving up on me and for being always with me.

I remember the first time we kissed, the first time we slept with each other, how shy you got after that and how much you wanted to tell me but couldn’t so I found out by reading your diary. How mad you got for me reading it but how much you thanked me once we did it. I remember every single one of our dates. I remember the first time you talked to me and I talked to you, the first time you slept and my house and the first time I slept at yours. I never forgot anything, I won’t ever forget.

I remember how you told me you wanted to go to college just so you could work and make us my dreamed house, with an art studio for both of us and a room to have many cats. How you told me that you didn’t want any kids but since you dated me you could only think of having a cute baby that looked just like me. How you got mad when I told you I wanted my last name to go first.

And I want you to live that with someone that’s really worth it.

I’m so sorry for making you stay with me for so long, for making you waist your best years of adolescence and childhood trying to cure me and my sadness. And I’m sorry I’m leaving you like this. But I know you’ll understand.

Words cannot express how much I adore you, how happy you made me, how much I’m in love with you.

Please forgive me.

I swear we’ll meet again, I swear I won’t leave you again, I swear I’ll stay.”

She woke up your parents, your dad unlocked the door. They couldn’t take it.

Now they didn’t understand. Why would you do this? Why didn’t you tell anyone? Did you ever asked for help and they didn’t notice?

Why?

Ellie was too broken to cry. She wanted to look at you but her eyes could only stay at your wrists. She could never forget.

Your parents were on their knees, unable to think, unable to move, just crying.

And so was Ellie. She couldn’t believe just a couple of hours ago she was cuddling with you and now you were gone. How did that even work? There could never exist something more terrifying that your parents sobs. Should she leave? Should she stay?

Should she even try anymore?

She felt so much anger, so much desperation and anxiety in her body. She was so shocked she couldn’t do anything else than stare.

You were gone, forever.

It’s been just a month since you died. She’s been unable to move from her bed, not wanting to eat, not wanting to sleep, feeling dead. She’s been reading your letter nonstop, over and over again, almost memorizing it already.

And your parents? Your family? They’re all broken, how could any of this even happen?

Your funeral was shocking for everyone. Everything had happened so fast, in less then a week, just right after your birthday.

Did you really had to do this?

Everyone felt so sick, for not knowing, for not saying a proper last goodbye to you, for not giving you a proper gift, for not taking enough pictures and videos of you, for not speaking to you enough that last day. For not noticing snd for not helping you.

And Ellie could only hope that she’ll meet you again as you always assured her. That all this pain will disappear eventually. That the love she feel for you would actually help her.

“Me and you were meant to be in love. I see the signs of a lifetime, you ‘til I die”

[writingduhh]

either ted or schlatt when reader gets their period?

- ⁉️, could I be an anon?

But of course my love! I hope you enjoy! ❤️

Also I’m open for requests! Preferably HC, Mood-boards, and longer fanfics for the chuckle sammy boys!

Chuckle Sandwich ||Time Of The Month (HC)

❥ Jschlatt

▷ I feel like he’s the type of boyfriend who would be a little uncomfortable, at least at first. Not because he thinks it’s gross or makes him uncomfortable, more like he doesn’t want to mess up or accidentally upset you (plus he only has a brother) .

▷ However, he’s very willing to learn. Especially if it means being able to take care of the love of his life. ;)

▷ Finding things in his search history such as, “How to help partner on period?”, “How to stop cramps?”, “Why do periods happen?”

▷ Let’s you use him as a human punching bag if you need to release some anger.

“We really need to get you some boxing lessons, doll…”

▷ Offers you his hoodies/sweatshirts. He wants you to be as comfy as possible. Plus, he loves to see you in his clothes, ofc

▷ He’d probably make you a whole blanket nest on the couch. Complete with pillows, snacks, and him waiting to cuddle with you

▷ Uses this time as an excuse to lay with you all day. (Totally not an excuse to be lazy… It definitely is)

▷ Suggests using the cats as ‘natural heating pads’ or just holding them like a stuffed animal

▷ He insists on going to the store himself to get you pads or tampons, so you can ‘rest.’

“Babe what size do you wear?“

“What do you mean the S stands for super?”

▷ Spends about 20 mins just reading the boxes or looking up reviews online He wants to make sure he gets the best products for you.

▷ Ends up buying 3 different strengths/sizes, plus a little treat for you.

“Thanks so much for going to the store for me… is this beef jerky?”

“Well, I assumed that you might be craving something to snack on… So, I just guessed and got you my favorite thing.” He explains, kissing your forehead.

▷ It’s the thought that counts, right? 😭😭

▷ Definitely babies you. He won’t let you get anything yourself. Definitely the Princess treatment 💅

❥ Ted

▷ I feel like Ted is the type of boyfriend that is very knowledgeable about periods. So needless to say he’s very on-top of things.

▷ Keeps a stash of your products under the sink “Just In Case.” Probably even keeps an extra clothes for you as well. (Or just insists you borrow his)

▷ Very understanding of your mood swings, pains, and every other symptom periods have (rip)

▷ He’s always there when you need him. A shoulder to cry on, he’s right there. Someone to rant to, he’s listening. Someone to just hold you, his arms are wide open.

▷ Literally your professional teddy bear

▷ There's a good chance he secretly keeps track of your cycle. (I low-key could see this) This way he knows whatever phase you’re in and how best to help you.

▷ Seems to always be learning some new techniques or ‘hacks’ in order to help you.

“I saw this video on how to massage out cramps. Can I try?”

“Can I try to find the pressure points that help cramps? I watched a video on it.”

▷ Let’s be real, it’s mainly an excuse just to touch you.

▷ Cooks all your favorite meals and makes sure you’re eating enough calories/protein.

▷ Essentially he gives you the princess treatment. You don’t have to even lift a finger.

[pigcowboys]

steady and slow !

pairing; ꒰percy jackson x gn! apollo! reader꒱⋆·˚

summary: you attempt to teach percy how to use a bow and arrow.

warning(s): incorrect bow handling knowledge, kissing(?)

request(s): hi honey!! could i request something with percy jackson x apollo reader? (either fem or gn, whichever is more convenient for you) just anything lighthearted, my brain is kind of empty rn LMAO. would love to see what you come up with

tysm for requesting!!!! im so sorry if it's a bit repetitive, i'm currently going thru writer's block.

"what?" you replied, face contorted in confusion as you stared at the lanky boy in front of you. percy simply stared back at you with a smile on his face before he spoke once more.

"i want you to teach me how to use a bow and arrow." you blinked at him.

honestly, you didn't have anything against teaching him how to shoot. the only problem was that he approached you with this proposition while you were mid aim.

he was such a weird guy.

he always greeted you when he saw you around, a bright smile curling onto his lips as he'd call out to you from at least a feet away, walking over to you as he struck up a conversation about whatever seemed to pop into his head in that same moment. you weren't much of a talker, never was -- though that didn't seem the stop him at all from spewing whatever rolled off his tongue first.

at first, it was nice to see him from time to time. you didn't have much friends so, just the reminder that human beings cared enough to talk to you was reassuring. then, it became annoying. whenever it was time to wind down and chat at the campfire, he was there. the early breakfast where everyone would drag themselves out of their bed to attend, he was there too, saving you a seat and asking if you slept okay with dopey grin.

so weird..

being as you were in the apollo cabin, you were destined to have great archery skills, just like your other half-siblings. you guessed he seemed to pick up on the fact you were a pro with the bow. it was probably the reason he was idled in front of you once more, the same smile he always wore around you on his face as he awaited your answer.

you scanned over pecy's face curiously, lowering your bow as you sighed. "why can't you ask someone else?" you pointed to your cabin. "i'm pretty sure one of my siblings are still inside." percy's smile faltered slightly as a laugh escaped his lips.

"actually," he replied. "i..wanted to ask you personally."

"why me?"

he paused, blinking slowly as he stared at you silently. see, totally weird.

you'd figured he must've been too shy to ask someone he didn't know well, trying to find the willpower inside of yourself to say yes to his request before ultimately giving in. you handed him the bow in your hand which he took almost immediately.

"well..if you want to learn, we should start soon." you said, an unreadable expression on your face. percy's fingers lingered a moment too long on your own, a slightly surprised look on his face as he pulled them away from your own, holding the bow close to his chest.

"thanks!" he replied, a bit too excited. you gave him a puzzled expression and he cleared his throat. "thank you, so much." he responded, now with a much more neutral voice. you couldn't help but contemplate giving up on the request.

"okay, first of all, you have to line up with your target." you said, watching percy intently as he spread his legs slightly, holding the bow at his side as he looked forward at the target board. "like this?" he asked, turning his head to look at you only for you to push it back into position. you circled around him, eyeing him silently as you observed his stance. perfect. almost, at least.

you grumbled something to yourself, leaning forward to adjust percy's legs and posture absentmindedly. you pulled back, tilting your head as you examined the boy in front of you, finally satisfied with his stance. "perfect," you turned to look where he was looking as well, ignoring the redness of his ears as you moved behind him.

"you've used a bow before, right?" you asked, breath fanning against the back of his neck. percy shivered slightly, shaking his head as he attempted to stand as upright as possible so to avoid you calling him out. "my weapon of choice isn't usually long ranged things." he replied nervously, eye flickering between behind him; where you were situated and the target in front of him.

"what made you change your mind on it?"

he fell silent once more. was he just going to keep dancing around that question? you observed his jittery posture analytically, reaching out to moved his hands upwards in tandem with the bow he gripped. his skin felt warm, probably a product of the hot summer sun that mercilessly cooked the two of you alive.

for someone who was constantly on quests, his skin wasn't as rough as you'd imagined it to be. it was..soft..and kind of smooth. not sure why you were taking note of what skin to skin contact with him felt like, though.

"is this good?" percy's voice cut through your thoughts, making you jump a bit. you removed your hand from his arm, breaking the skin to skin contact as you ignored the funny fluttering in the pit of your stomach. you moved back a bit, observing percy's stance with a nod. "yeah. yeah, that's good." you two fell silent again.

"take the shot when you're ready," you said, filling the silence. "make sure you have an eye on the target, okay?" percy hummed in response, aiming the bow towards the target in front of him. he idled for a minute, making sure he was precise as possible before taking a shot. the arrow flew threw the air, landing precisely on the dot of the target with just a swift pull of percy's bow.

you were pleasantly surprised. who knew percy was such a natural at archery? percy's eyes widened as he turned to look at you a boyish grin plastered on his face. you couldn't deny how hard it was to fight a smile when you saw his face, especially since he looked undeniably good with a smile on his face, the corner of his eyes crinkled slightly as his pretty lips curled upwards.

not that you cared, though.

"nice shot." you said, a small smile tugging at your lips. "you're a pro." percy placed the bow down, strolling over to you sheepishly. "you think so?" his smile never faltered as he stared at you with twinkling eyes. you wonder if his cheeks ever started to hurt whenever he smiled. "i mean, you did hit the target on your first try so.. yeah."

percy nodded along slowly, idling in front of you. "i guess since you're so skilled already, i won't have much else to teach you." you replied, walking over to the bow and arrow percy had placed as you placed it into it's casing. “i can ask one of my siblings to help, after all you are pretty stiff.”

"you’re not going to stick around ?" he responded, slightly alarmed. "can't you just — teach me a few more tricks?" he followed after you as you began to walk towards your cabin. tricks..? was he serious? you'd already known percy was fibbing a bit when he'd claimed he had no knowledge on how to use a bow but, you let it slide. never used a bow? a definite lie, you’d heard horror stories about how he’d almost taken an apollo kid’s eye out his first week here.

maybe he wasn’t good with the bow, but he had experience. there was no reason you had to walk him through everything.

though, the lesson's ended and still, here he was trying to come up with another excuse to keep it running on. you stopped dead in your tracks as you turned to face percy with furrowed eyebrows.

"tell me the real reason you wanted my help, percy." your voice was stern but calm. you weren't mad at him, despite him wasting your time. though, the mystery of his request had dragged on for longer than you would've liked it to. percy once again went radio silent as the redness of his ears from before returned. was he blushing?

"if i tell you, promise you won't avoid me?"

"why? what's the reason?"

"promise."

"percy.."

"please.”

your lips folded into a thin line as you exhaled, nodding in agreement. "yeah, fine, i promise." you replied, slightly on edge.

percy's smile peeked through his nervous expression for a moment before he inhaled deeply. "so," he started, rubbing the back on his neck. "..you're always over here practicing with your bow — and since you never talk to me much when i'm just rambling to you about different things, i just figured taking an interest in something you liked would make things less awkward between us,” he trailed off.

“maybe we'd even become friends. or, at least you'd feel comfortable enough to talk to me sometimes." word vomit spewed from percy's mouth as he muttered out something about archery and friendships.

at least, that's what you think you heard..

"percy." you replied, sternly. he stopped talking, turning his full attention to you. "please, just sum it up." you pinched the bridge of your nose. he lowered his head a bit dejectedly before speaking once more. you eyed him curiously, heart racing as you awaited him to finally explain himself, because believe it or not, you had hoped that he was going to confess that the little archery lesson was some form of a date.

a really, really, really awkward date — but still one, nonetheless.

you watched quietly as percy worked up the courage to speak, scaring you in the process. "i think you're super cool — and amazing." he mumbled, straightening his posture. your stomach turned as you bit back the smile that was threatening to appear on your face, awaiting percy to finish his sentence. "so.. i wanted to try to get to know you better by taking lessons." he paused. " even though..i may not have the most interest in it."

your struggle ceased as a smile appeared on your face. "what're you saying?" you said, feigning ignorance. you knew what he was saying all too well, it was exactly how you felt every time he'd greet you whenever he saw you around.

you’d hide your excitement with a neutral composure and 2 or 3 quips before dashing away to calm your still beating heart. it was the same way you felt whenever you'd pull yourself out of bed, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you made your way over to attend breakfast, your grogginess fading as you took notice of percy sitting at a table with his friends, the seat next to him occupied by his blue hoodie which sat beside him, obviously a sign that the seat was meant for someone else.

you knew he felt how you felt, all you wanted was to hear it with your own ears, once and for all.

percy bit the inside of his cheek, eyebrows furrowed and cheeks hot and slightly red as he stared at you intensely. "i like you," he smiled. "a lot more than you'd think." you felt your heart swell.

"i..didn't know."

"like hell you didn't." percy rebutted. "i'm always bothering you, there's no way you wouldn't catch on." he sighed. "what i wanna know is, do you feel the same way..?" he asked, looking at you with his sea green eyes that swirled with a flurry of emotions that you couldn't put your finger on.

you wanted to say "yes! yes! of course!" and throw yourself into his arms as the two of you ran into the sunset, never looking back but, you had an reputation to uphold. so, you simply settled for leaning forward and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. percy's blood ran cold as you pulled back, avoiding eye contact with him as you let your action sink into your brains.

then, with the same breath, you turned around, meeting his eyes once more as the corners of your lips curled into a smile. "i'll teach you those tricks same time tomorrow," you paused. "don't be late, okay?"

percy nodded, dazed from the sensation of your lips against his skin as he watched you walk towards your cabin, your head not once turning to look behind you as you faded out of his view. and percy? he was left standing there as he replayed the events of today in his head, a lovesick smile spreading on his face before it faded. he brought a hand up to his face, cupping his cheek.

he needed to stop smiling so much, it was starting to hurt his face.

a/n:i didn't know if you wanted headcanons or a full blown story!! so i just went with whatever i wanted! i hope you liked it :)

[pretend-i-do-not-exist]

Under Spell, Right From The Start

Synopsis: He insists you're nothing special... but if that's the case, why do you cross his mind so often?

Pairing: Lucifer, Mammon, Satan, Belphegor × MC (separate)

CW: Gender Neutral MC, You/Yours, Fluff, Crushes, Spoilers for lesson 16 (OG) in Belphie's part, A smidge of angst in Belphie and a drop of it in Satan's too bc I couldn't resist

A/N: HEY HI!! So this is my first post, for this fandom specifically, and I'm still trying to grasp my writing style, so I apologise if it's a bit everywhere and not the best. However, if you do enjoy this trainwreck that I call writing, feel free to leave me a request. I'd really love to see some :]]] Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and HAPPY VALENTINES DAY ♡

Lucifer:

How could this be? The Avatar of Pride falling for a mere human? Impossible. He would never.

...Is what he said initially.

Over time, he found himself craving your presence

There was something about you that had him absolutely enthralled

Maybe it was the way you convinced him to take breaks

Or maybe it was the comfortable silence you settled in

You were doing your own things, but... doing them together? Even better.

Perhaps it was the way you learned to manage his brothers

#singlemomgetsabreak

That's a lie. He never gets a break.

#justiceforsinglemom

Now, you could manage his brothers

That doesn't mean you were always going to do it

He insists you're giving him grey hairs

But he enjoys having you around

And he cared for you, more than he wanted to admit to himself.

You're part of the family, after all :)

Mammon:

Pf- please. He's modelled for the biggest brands and has been on the covers of magazines.

He's got a line of demons waiting for him, and you think he'd get hung up on you? Yeah, right.

And he's definitely not trying to grab your attention when you join him for his photoshoots

And he'd never get pouty when you can't hang out with him because you've already made plans

Why should he care?

Oh, but he'd give anything for your attention

MC, he quite literally will run across the Devildom for you if you call

He's your first!

If he isn't by your side, and you aren't by his, then what's he gonna do??

He's greedy. That's what he is.

He's the Avatar of Greed, and you're his most valuable treasure.

Satan:

He has his books, he has his knowledge, and he's very content with it all

The last thing he needs is anyone disturbing that peace for him.

But... you.

He strangely likes his peace even more when you're there?

You could both be doing your own things in mutual silence or you could be talking about a new book the two of you are reading (that is if you like reading)

You make him feel even more at peace than if he was on his own

Then it hits him, he doesn't enjoy your presence, he enjoys you.

He's thinking about you when he's reading a new novel

Imagining you both as the protagonists because he's shaking the thought out of his head

Because you wouldn't want that, would you?

He's taking his time doing more and more little things for you

Annotating books

Letting you borrow books from him

Recommending books to you

It's all worth it to see that smile on your face

He just didn't realise it then

Belphegor:

He hates humans and you're no exception.

He just needs to get out of this stupid attic

Then he'll show them all

He's said it before and will continue to say it: this exchange program is a bad idea

... Because he's met you.

You're ruining this for him, I mean why do you have to be so beautiful?

Why do you have to be so nice?

Why are you so eager to help him?

You don't know how he's...

It. Doesn't. Matter.

You're human.

That's not gonna change.

Even after the murder, he finds his thoughts recircling

You- you're forgiving him? After everything? How??

More importantly, why does his heart swell with hope?

Hope that things can work out between you two

It's a crazy dream of his, that's for sure

Speaking of dreams, you're frequenting them more and more

He thought that it would be the opposite but boy was he wrong

His dreams are simultaneously becoming his worst nightmares because as sweet as they are while he's asleep...

Nothing quite dispels that feeling of disappointment when he wakes up again and you're not there.

[coralinnii]

❋ If you are a villain, then let me be your accomplice ❋ feat: Jamil genre: mild hurt/comfort, budding romance note: sequel to reincarnated into a new world as the bad guy AU Jamil ver, not gender specific reader, no pronouns used, villainess!reader gets sulky, 1.7k word count 

I liivvveee! For now, anyway. I still have my job projects and midterms are upon me but I finally found some time to myself so I hope you enjoy another addition to the Villain/ess!series. Jamil is such an intriguing character with such complex emotions.

series index

Be it luck or the universe finally giving you a break but you noticed that Jamil is starting to like you…or at least tolerates you a bit more than before. 

Since that fateful incident, the competent boy was more willing to be on your side and a lot more comfortable with you, even if it’s mostly reprimanding you. 

“You shouldn’t run in the hallways, you could trip and get hurt!” “Don’t touch those flowers, they have thorns! If you wanted some, just ask me” 

Jamil’s tone was harsh, but he always offered his hand to you to help you walk with your heavy garbs on and would give you the most beautiful bouquet of flowers that you keep in your personal guest room, one that the Asim family provided considering how often you come over. 

Because of your frequent visits, you have the blessing to see the hidden sides of Jamil that you never considered even with your knowledge of this fictional world. 

Like how his voice gets higher when he gets frustrated or surprised, or how animated he gets with his arms whenever Kalim does something spontaneous (which is pretty much all of the time). You especially like how he tries to hide his face whenever he gets embarrassed, especially after finding out how weak he actually was to sincere compliments. 

“Will you teach me to dance, Jamil? You look so cool when I see you” 

“I’m sure you can find someone much more capable than me” 

“Please? You’re so beautiful when you do it” 

“…If I have the time, then” 

“Yay!~”

In your bliss, you’ve forgotten all about your previous plans to leave this kingdom if not for your father asking you about your thoughts on some academies that were recommended to him by the Asim head. 

You wondered about that now. You wanted to leave this land in hopes of avoiding your bad ending with Jamil but with your growing friendship with both Jamil and Kalim, you feel more reluctant to leave them. You asked your father to give you some time and postpone your applications, just so you can rearrange your thoughts. 

Despite your predestined future, you were reincarnated into a luxurious life. Being a second-born in an established and rich family, you were not bound by responsibilities or expectations aside from noble standards. Your only job was apparently to marry well which could be stifling to some but you choose to ignore that in favor of enjoying your youth. Marriage talk is still far for you to consider and you have better things to worry about. 

Like wondering why Jamil is avoiding you again!

“Kalim, tell me the truth. Does Jamil hate me?” You asked your fair-haired friend who had a sudden feeling of deja vu. 

“There’s no way! Jamil really cares about you, I can tell” Kalim reassured you, pressing a fist to his chest in honesty. He had seen how much you matter to his dear friend. 

Kalim saw how meticulous Jamil was when arranging the bouquet with your favorite flowers, just because you wanted a singular one from the garden, and he was there when Jamil was trying to hide his smile when you were adamant to learn how to dance from him because you love how he looked when he danced. 

Jamil hating you? That’s crazy. 

“He won’t even be in the same room as me anymore” you rebutted, pouting as you were sure Jamil didn’t want it to be obvious that he was avoiding you, but you definitely noticed with how much you miss his company. 

“Then we’ll just make sure he will be!” Kalim yelled out, his expression screaming ‘I have a great idea!’. This worries you. 

Jamil was huffing, running through the hallways with as much caution as he could. A servant told him that Kalim requested him to come over to his room as soon as he could. Even if he knew the Kalim wouldn’t care if he was a little slow, as a servant of the esteemed Asim family he can’t ignore the supposed urgency for his assistance. 

Finally reaching Kalim’s room, Jamil took a few seconds to adjust his appearance before knocking on the door, announcing his presence. But Kalim did not respond from the other side of the door. 

“Young master Kalim, it’s Jamil” Jamil announced his presence again. Still no answer. 

Jamil let out a small sigh. Kalim must have fallen asleep while waiting, he assumed. Used to this situation, Jamil slowly opened the door and inspected the room. The room was quiet with no sign of the Asim heir. He looked over to the large bed that had its canopy curtains loose, covering the bed. 

“So I was right, Kalim did fall asleep” Jamil suppressed his exasperation as he walked towards the bed, pulling the curtains aside. 

“Young master Kalim, what did you need from me that was-“ 

To Jamil’s surprise, it was not Kalim but you sitting on his master’s bed, looking somewhat angry. The dark-haired servant started looking around the room presumably in search of Kalim and for him to explain this situation. But since he wasn’t here, you volunteer to explain yourself. 

“Kalim is currently in the village partaking in the weekly market,” you raised your hand when you saw the look of panic on Jamil’s face “He didn’t go alone, he has someone with him. That newly assigned tutor of his, I believe” 

Jamil looked visibly calmer but you could tell that he still had some questions swirling in his head. It’s strange but you don’t feel surprised by how much you could tell about Jamil, that’s just how close you felt to him. But apparently, that isn’t mutual. 

“I asked Kalim to call you on my behalf since you seem to be avoiding me.” 

“I assure you, I could never be so rude as to avoid you-“ 

“But it feels like it! You don’t talk to me anymore, and I haven’t been able to see you as often as we used to” you knew that you sounded very childish, in fact this whole conversation is childish but you didn’t want whatever was going on between you and Jamil to continue and maybe even someday break apart this new bond. 

“I just don’t want to drift apart from you” you whispered to yourself but Jamil with how keen he was, overheard your thoughts. 

The truth was, he was avoiding you. Some time ago, he overheard the conversation between your father and Kalim’s father about recommendations for oversea studies and found out that you wanted to leave this kingdom. Jamil felt a pain in his chest he didn’t expect. To his surprise, he found himself feeling sad over the idea that he may not see you again for a long time, maybe even forever. Unlike him, you were free to travel with nobody to chain you down or obligations to come back. You could walk out of his life and never return. 

Jamil didn’t like that feeling, so he decided he should nip this new friendship in the bud before it hurts even more. 

But there he was, second-guessing his choice as he watches the look of sadness on your face, confessing that the mere few days without him left you upset. But still, he crushed that doubt (and hidden glee in the shared sadness) and chose to put on a face of professional indifference. 

“I apologize for upsetting you but I’m sure there are more capable companions than I for you” Jamil spoke to you so formally, just like the days of your first meeting. “When you start your oversea studies, there will be a great diversity of people that will be worthy of your time” 

“Wait, when did you hear about my plans to go overseas?” 

Jamil's face paled as he realized his mistake. That was apparently not common knowledge amongst the servants and he just admitted that he knows because he heard something he had no right to as a worker of the esteemed Asim family. 

Quickly, Jamil fell to his knees and dropped his gaze to the floor. This shocked you and quickly rushed to the floor to pull Jamil to his feet when he spoke again. 

“I committed a crime. I overheard something that was not meant for my ears, therefore I will accept any punishment.” Jamil's tone was unwavering which scared you. A young teen like him speaking about punishment over a mere accident was a terrifying sight. What's more, he treated you less like a friend and more like an authoritative figure of his, which broke your heart.

“Jamil, I’m not going to punish you. And I never will!” You assured your friend, glancing to the door to make sure no one heard the two of you. “And Jamil, I haven’t decided if I want to study overseas” 

You just kept on surprising Jamil. 

“I thought about traveling to study but now…I don’t think I want to travel when I’m just going to miss you too much” you confessed your reasons before panicking slightly “and Kalim, of course! And my family!” 

To anyone else, they’d think you were being foolish. Who wouldn’t want to travel and experience the world? Even Jamil dreamt about it, where he wasn’t bound by his obligations and was free to go wherever he pleases, maybe make a name for himself rather than simply Kalim’s shadow. If he was honest, he envied you for being someone unbounded or shadowed by anything or anyone. 

Even with your embarrassing confession, you can tell that Jamil was unconvinced which left you exasperated before continuing on. “You and I finally got closer and I didn’t want to just suddenly leave like that. I know I’m being childish but that’s how I feel.” 

You were being childish, Jamil thought. There you go again being foolish and nonsensical as Kalim with your emotions controlling your thoughts instead of being level-headed. To refuse a chance to see the world just to keep a superficial friendship with a mere servant like him is crazy, ridiculous, absolutely stupid…

But why does he feel so warm inside? This bubbly feeling of happiness growing in his chest? 

“How irrational can you be? To forgo an opportunity like this for a mere servant like me…” 

“But you’re not some ‘mere servant’,” you puff out your cheeks over that self-deprecating comment, grabbing your friend’s hands and encasing them tightly in yours. “You are the one and only Jamil Viper, someone very important to me.” 

Without any way to hide his face, you got a glimpse of something rare. An embarrassed Jamil.

Bonus

"Hey Jamil..."

"Yes?"

"If I do think about traveling, would you like to come with me?"

"What would you need me for?"

"Just be there with me, enjoy the world together with me...like equals"

"...If I have the time, then...I would like that"

"Yay!~"

[nayatarot777]

how can you co-create with the universe to attract fortune to yourself? 🪡🎨 • pac 🎴

if you’d like a personal reading, then see info here

subscribe to the patreon if you’re interested in daily messages from spirit, weekly pac readings for “the week ahead”, exclusive extended readings to the tumblr PACs, exclusive pac readings - such as 18+ and love pac readings - new moon + full moon readings, plus more. i’m on there everyday, just doing my thing 😂

{• pile one •}

cards: the hierophant, knight of wands, 3 of cups

spirit is suggesting that you focus on finding a community that connects people based on their faith. a community of people who are focused on sharing knowledge and downloads that they’re receiving from the divine. whether this is a spiritual community, a self-help community, maybe even a religious community (please be careful with any communities like this, because when you’re not, that’s when you fall into the trap of a cult 🙃). i’m also seeing that you guys could create your own community of people on your own platform in which people are able to learn valuable lessons from you - especially about friendship, happiness, “sisterhood”, i’m hearing. i’m seeing jupiter in the 4th house/jupiter in cancer, so if you guys have either of those placements (or maybe sagittarius in the 4th, moon in sagittarius, something that mixes cancerian and jupiterian energy together) then your abundance is tied to womanhood and femininity. so surrounding yourself with likeminded women/feminines or helping them in some way will bring a lot of abundance to you. i’m also hearing “changing people’s definition of happiness”. motivating people to follow their own morals and values, leading you to do the same.

{• pile two •}

cards: 2 of swords, knight of pentacles, strength

you attract abundance when you’re in your ego. not when you let your ego control you, but when you control your ego and know how to direct your strengths into some type of creative process that you can persistently focus on. when you focus on taming your ego so that you can use it to your advantage. you need to honour your ego a lot more. i feel like, with the 2 of swords, spirit is saying that you’re listening to external noise from the outside world wayyy too much. you don’t need to look for direction and guidance from other people. other people can’t help you. you need to listen to your intuition. certain communities (especially the “new age”, phony ass ‘spiritual community’) will teach you that it’s a negative to be in your ego. no tf it’s not. your ego is your identity. who you are. if you don’t know who you are, then you’re a nobody. a pushover. with no morals, no personal values, no backbone (which is probably why those same communities promote toxic positivity and being a doormat for the sake of appearing like you’re all ‘love and light’ and shit). fuck all of that. you need to have patience with yourself when developing your ego because you may not even know who you are currently. once you do, you’ll find your courage and strength to listen to your intuition and invest into what it’s telling you. your ego is your life force. feed it with valuable energy by valuing it - regardless of other people’s opinions. only insecure people who don’t know who they are will get triggered by you. who gives a damn about them though? this is your life. start living it as the person who you truly want to be.

{• pile three •}

cards: the emperor, queen of swords, 8 of pentacles

you guys are extremely intelligent people. you need to find confidence in your knowledge and what you know that you know - especially with something practical that you’re trying to master or perfect. you have an eye for what needs to be improved in your day-to-day, practical life or in your business. whenever the emperor comes out with the 8 of pentacles, it definitely indicates entrepreneurship to me as a reader. and this entrepreneurship could be surrounding honesty, truth, giving direct messages to people so that they can improve their life. this could be life coaching, motivational speaking (especially with this emperor (aries energy) mixed with this queen of swords). you guys know how to pump people up to start working on themselves and aspects of their life as much as possible. and you guys are naturals at this. start just posting random posts of encouragement or motivation whenever you get the inspiration to, and i feel like you’ll attract a lot of people to you who are willing to give you abundance in exchange for the energetic abundance that you give to them. you can really monetise your words and your motivation due to the guidance that you’re able to give people about their sense of self and how that relates to their manifestations/goals + achievements. this aries energy could also be about physical activity - like fitness training. you know how to stay on people’s necks so that they complete a task thoroughly and over and over again to the point where they perfect it. and you can do that for yourself. feed into that.

[smallestapplin]

Alucard in dbd idea

Hi, castlevania dropped in dbd and I've been feral, please excuse my rambling.

Reader is a Belmont.

-

-

You and Trevor in the fog first and a month or so before Alucard shows up, and when he does he's glad to see his old friend and questions who the other Belmont is(you)

You're delighted to get to know him and Trevor more, as you have read so many books and texts about him from previous Belmonts, it's so nice to finally meet him! However, much like Trevor, there is a bit of a learning curve he has to go through.

Other survivors try to help him, but most aren't really easy on him, which is fair and you don't blame them! After all, in trials it's nerve wrecking, you can't exactly teach him with all the time in the world. But he picks up gens with ease.

It's everything else that trips him up.

Huntress landed one hell of a shot on him, he shouted surprised and pained by the hatchet that came out of nowhere across the map.

His shoulder now slashed, slowly dripping blood and soaking into his shirt and cloak. but ten minutes later as he was helping you on a gen, you noticed he looked to be in far more agony than anyone you've ever met, his skin sweaty, taking shallow breathes, he looked scared.

"Alucard?"

"I'm not healing, why am I not healing? Gods it hurts...what is this?"

You are swift to whip out your med kit and start patching him up, gently shushing his pained whimpers as you focus on healing him.

"There, good as new!"

He still looks so confused, and it makes sense, his own regenerative abilities always came in handy, he's never really need a med kit, and most of his human companions had a mage on hand for healing.

A match against Trapper was much the same.

Alucard didn't even notice the trap, that or he did didn't care, he just walked right into it and his scream was heard across the map, his second scream as he placed on hook sounded like he was right next to you he was so loud.

When you got him off hook and to a safer place, he collapsed on you, his forehead on your shoulder, which was growing wet, either from his sweat or tears you arent sure, but he held onto you as you patched him up, shaking like a leaf in a storm.

"Why...why does it hurt so much? I...I shouldn't have gotten hurt from such a weak trap."

He sounds so tired, his voice is weak, small even.

"The entity's abilities it seems, in this realm you're nothing but a human."

"This is what you feel?" He moves, his watery glowing eyes looking up at your focused expression.

"Every match."

He's horrifed, all these matches where you've gritted your teeth and bared through, all these matches where you sacrificed yourself just to make sure everyone else lived, hell even the missions he knew you took as a Belmont- speaking of!

Your family goes on such dangerous missions, gets injured or even killed, and yet you still bare your family crest? His respect for you and your family grew, knowing first hand the pain of your injuries and yet you still choose to be so selfless.

Cue Alucard falling for you, the poor thing didn't even mean to.

It's just you pulled him off the hook, the bell rings louder, warning there isn't much time left, yet you still came back for him.

The second he was touching the ground, he looked at you, despite the pain he looked at you confused.

Your face was stern, filled with sheer determination as you grab his hand and lead him to the door.

"Why did you come back? You could have escaped instead of dying here with me."

You patched him at at the gate, just to be safe.

"Either neither of us die or we both die."

Your eyes locked

"I'm not leaving you here. Come on."

His own eyes widen.

Oh.

Oh.

........so this is how those dames in novels feel being saved.

Oh, Trevor is going to have his head.

He grows more skilled and knowledgeable the longer he's here, and is determined to help you (by proxy the others) he's noticeably closer to you, practically shoulder to shoudler with you by the fire, the first to help you off hook or to heal you.

Even his familar, which followed him here likes to hang off you and get scritches.

He can feel Trevor's side eye, knowing the older Belmont isn't fond of him cozying up to hos descendent.

But he at least knows Alucard would treat you right.

[poppurini]

him as a private tutor

leona, jade, malleus, lilia & gn reader

magicless au, platonic, for fun

˖ leona kingscholar

“Just Leona. Let me see your textbook.” no introductions or anything, just straight to the point. probably doesn’t ask for your name since he already knew. yes he didn’t prepare anything beforehand, no flipping through your syllabus before the actual tutoring because this man just skims through your textbook under twenty minutes and started teaching. yes he’s good at it. unfair, really. sometimes he’ll get a generational shock at the current syllabus though. “The hell are kids learning these days.” “Do you even need these in real life.”

he may seem like an indolent man (and he is) but it’s honestly so impressive of him to be able to understand your syllabus the moment he reads through them and being able to teach you about it.

strictness is 4/10 he doesn’t really care if you didn’t do the homework he assigned bc he’s not gonna be the one failing those exams that determines 70% of your future. yes those were his exact words. he might nag you a little but after that nothing’s on him. clocks off right on time.

˖ jade leech

this mf whips out a whole stack of 9cm tall worth of exercises for you because he thinks it’s funny. eerily friendly. might unintentionally make you feel a little dumb when he does that little inhale and tilts his head slightly, looking genuinely confused as to how you could get this question wrong. wears glasses (i know what jade leech stans are) occasionally. yes those attractive thin framed ones. only when you’re halfway selling off your soul to deal with the mountain of exercises he’s telling you “Oh, you needn’t get all of them completed today.” with that very innocent smile.

strictness is 7/10 he’s scary when he’s strict. might let you off the hook once or twice with incomplete homework (only with valid reasons tho) but afterwards that service smile drops and questions why you’re so reluctant on doing homework. it’s just a 2k word essay. also clocks off right on time even if he’s about to finish teaching a topic he’s not going to provide free labour.

˖ malleus draconia

this man is INSANE literally not one day does he wear a casual outfit to your sessions it’s always professional wear with him. yeaah i’m back with my dress pants dress shirt along with vest plus neat tie malleus only this time he doesn’t have his collar unbuttoned and sleeves rolled up sob sob gotta look clean. intimidating asl but that’s just bc he’s bad at connecting with the younger generations (or anyone, really) however it’s very sweet of him to still try and crack some academic related jokes with a straight face (it’s up to u whether they’re funny or not) hoping you’ll laugh. look he really wants u to open up to him so that u can absorb knowledge better instead of being constantly on edge around him ok

strictness is 9/10 oohlala much like jade he’d close an eye if it’s not a frequent occasion but he demands respect and you constantly putting off the works he assigned to help you clearly shows you don’t think of him as anything. he is patient and nice but only when you deserve it. also he’d delay a maximum of twenty minutes of your time after class ends just to finish talking about the topic.

˖ lilia vanrouge

DEADASS the most fun tutor ever. he’s all malleus ever want to be. bought drinks or snacks on his way and decided to buy you some too (just take it even if the flavours are weird). this man makes you comfortable around him instantly and teaches better than most of your teachers in school. definitely checks out your stationary while you’re suffering in doing matrixes. you can hear him mumbling to himself sometimes “Broo we didn’t even have these back then.” and it’s a squared glue stick. “Can you link me where you got this.” also THE most patient tutor and he won’t even let you feel bad for making him explain the same thing for the nth time. his job is to teach! not scold.

strictness being a 2/10 he’ll still advise you to do your homework but not in a scolding manner. he’ll really gently talk you into doing them for your own good unless you’re outright being disrespectful then the rate changes :p will ask if you want him to continue when the clock strikes end of session. if you don’t, okay! he’ll get back to it next lesson.

[kiris-wife]

by your side | spider socorro

summary: after getting captured by miles quaritch, spider becomes a hostage at the rda. but with a curious young girl secretly visiting him every night, he started to think that things couldn't be so terrible. based on this ask.

genre(s): fluff

warnings: none i guess? they're just purely in love i think that's adorable. this is not proofread, i got too lazy so if you see any mistakes, no you didn't!

there was a big commotion going around the rda base — a human boy, raised by na'vi, was being held hostage in the exact same place you were in. of course you were curious: people say you took a lot after your mother, wanting to know about everything and everyone. how would a human adapt in such different circumstances? could he speak english? how did a baby human end up in pandora? your mind was racing with so many questions. you had to see him now.

but it's obvious no one would let you do that. what could a sixteen year old do to help the operation? you shouldn't even be there; your mother only brought you partly because she had no one to take you in and partly because you begged her to let you come. luckily to you she was an important woman and with the help of a few people they managed to bring you to pandora. the conditions? don't stop studying. don't cause any trouble. keep your nose out of the adult's business.

you couldn't screw this up. being so close to the rda operation, even if it was just as a watcher, could be a big step for your future. so you tried your best to not get caught.

it was the middle of the night when you decided to go out of your shared room — your mother was a heavy sleeper so the chances of waking her up were almost zero. quickly typing in the password of his little kind-of-room-kind-of-prison, you couldn't keep your excitement to yourself.

"hey." you said closing the door behing you. "i know you're awake. i'm not quaritch. i'm not working for the rda either – wait, do you speak english?"

he turned his face to you with an startled expression — spider had so many questions. what was a teenager doing there? and why were you talking to him in the middle of the night? you had to be lying. there was no way you didn't work for them.

"um... my name's y/n. i know this might sound strange but i find you really interesting. my mom works here, you know. she's a scientist. i'm sorry about the way you were treated by them earlier... i mean the torture and stuff." you were getting closer to him, trying to keep things friendly.

"so you came here to apologise for your mother's actions?"

"sort of. i kinda want to know more about you. but i wanted to apologise for that too, yeah." now you were next to his bed. "miles, isn't it? can i sit down?"

"it's spider. nobody calls me that." he said giving you enough space to sit beside him.

"so... spider, how are you feeling? i mean... you were raised by na'vi and now there's just... so many humans. this must be confusing."

"there's humans where i live too. i'm not an animal, y/n."

"right, sorry. it's just that this is new to me. i didn't know humans lived in pandora. my mom does everything to keep me clueless about the operation — it's not like i should be knowing something, but i just want to learn more. people treat me like an outsider here, it's so annoying."

being an outsider. the boy knew a thing or two about feeling out of place. of course you were in different situations, but he could relate to your feelings in a certain extent.

"what are you even doing here? in pandora, i mean. you're like... my age? shouldn't you be at the earth?"

you shrugged. "i didn't have anyone to take care of me back there. and i really wanted to meet the operation. i want to follow my mom's footsteps, being a scientist and all."

you and spider kept talking about your differences and about pandora the whole night: he had so much knowledge to share, even if it didn't seem like it. he told you about the fauna and flora, the natives traditions and religion, and about himself too. he was quaritch's son. well, not this quaritch. the human one — you knew about the story. the colonel's memories were transfered to an avatar once he died.

you, on the other hand, explained to him how things worked at your home planet: the animals it had (he got really interested in monkeys and dogs), the organized society, and how the earth was dying. you talked about your hopes and dreams of a better planet and how much you wanted to make you mother proud. before you knew, it was almost morning and you had to leave before someone catched you with him.

"it's getting late, i have to go. but i'll be back tomorrow if you want me to? we can talk more."

the blond smiled at you — it was good knowing someone in this hell of a place, maybe making a friend even. "i'll see you tomorrow. take care of yourself."

...

a few weeks passed since you started visiting spider. you soon became really close — it was like you were a planet he was orbiting over. the boy was constantly thinking about you, craving for your attention; you became the center of his little universe.

he paced around his room impatiently. you were late. he didn't know what time it was, but he knew you should be with him already. you always came shortly after all the lights were turned off, maybe 20 minutes later. 30, if you were feeling scared of being caught. but it felt like hours already, and there was no sign of you.

the boy sat down on his bed. "im being pathetic" he though. it was impossible for such a smart and beautiful person as you falling in love with him. and there was the fact that you were from two different words — there's no way you wouldn't take this into consideration when getting closer with him. you wouldn't leave everything you know to be with him; he wasn't enough.

soon, he heard the sound of the keys being pressed, snapping back to reality.

"spider. sorry i'm late. my mom couldn't sleep so she kept talking with me until she felt tired. im really sorry i made you wait!"

that was a lie. you mother always fell asleep right after she hopped on the bed. the real reason you didn't come earlier it was because you knew that you were falling for miles socorro. and at this point you could do nothing to stop it. laying on the bunk bed you kept debating with yourself if you should just start to avoid him. he didn't feel the same, and it would never work out anyways; you knew how loyal he was to the na'vi and specially the sully family. it was only a question of time until he could find a way to escape the base and come back to his normal life. without you.

the thought of being separated made your heart ache. how could you become so attached to someone in such a short period of time? as your mind drifted back to the thought of being far from spider, you couldn't help but give him a tight hug, trying to fight back the tears forming on the corner of your eyes.

that was the first time you hugged.

his knees felt like jelly, trembling hands resting on your back. "why are you doing this? not that i'm complaining..."

"sorry. i'm sorry. it's just that i... i've been thinking." you said, not letting go of him. it was like you were scared he was going to disappear if you did so. "your place is not here, spider. you belong with the na'vi in the forest. it's not fair what they're doing to you. but is it selfish of me to wish that we could continue together?"

the boy tightened his grip on you. "but we can. come with me."

you went silent for a second. he didn't mean that, did he? it was insane, leaving all that you knew behind — your brilliant future, your mother, the place you called home — for a boy. but at the same time, it felt right. being with spider felt right. and it didn't matter if you were in the forest, the base or the earth. as long as you were with him, anywhere felt like home. "promise me you'll always be by my side. if i go with you, you can't leave me behind. don't forget about me."

translation: don't fall in love with someone else.

he broke the hug and looked at you, putting a strand of your hair behind your ear. "are you kidding me?" spider smiled. "how could i ever leave you? i'm not that dumb, y/n. you're the most amazing person i've ever met."

now it was your turn to smile; you knew it was hard, dropping everything just to be with him. but at the same time you had this gut feeling that it was going to be worth it. you didn't know how or when you were going to do it yet, but you had each other, and it's all that mattered. getting on your tiptoes, you placed a kiss at the top of his head, stroking his cheek with you thumb.

"ill always be by your side, spider socorro."

"and i'll always be by yours, y/n"

authors note: i hope this doesn't suck too much... i lowkey hate this scenario but i really wanted to give spider some love, my boy deserves it! i don't know if it's too long or rushed, i tried to fit everything that i wanted to happen in just one chapter bc i don't really feel like writing a pt two for this one, sorry.

likes + reblogs are appreciated! ♡

[one-idea]

Maybe consuming media where parallel dimensions exist has rotten my brain. (The spider verse, years of comic book, au fanfics) but worlds were little changes change the whole world are just fascinating to me.

I’ve seen stories were Luffy is the one that dies at Marineford. Where Luffy is the older sibling. Where Shanks or someone else arrives in time to save Ace. I’ve seen Kuina lived and takes Zoro’s place on the straw hats. But what I haven’t seen is a reverse straw hat crew.

Let me explain myself.

Shanks isn’t the only Yonko vacationing in the east blue, Whitebeard takes a break there as well. Meeting a young Ace. This Whitebeard knows his time is limited but sees a future for Ace. He can’t take the boy with him but they promise to meet again one day when Ace is a great pirate, a pirate great enough to take Whitebeard place in the world. The rest of the back story (meeting Luffy, Sabo, everything) stays intact and Ace sets out at age 17. (I was going to have him meet Shanks instead of Luffy but Luffy and Shanks’ relationship is important to me and will play a role later)

Where he meets 17 year old Kuina. (She is 1 year older then Zoro, and he was one year younger then Ace so they would be the same age) in this world Zoro is the one who died. He was the only one who believed that she could be the strongest swordsman, he didn’t care about her gender. They promised that one of them would be the strongest swordsman in the world and then he died. Now at 17 she is on a journey to be the world’s best swordswoman.

The two start traveling together where they meet Nojiko, a thief, she’s an okay navigator but not as good as her sister. She speaks fondly of her sister but doesn’t mention her village (or the pirates there) Ace instantly likes her, no it’s not because he gets to trade stories with her about how great Luffy is vs how great Nami is. Kuina enjoyed their stories but her heart hurts a bit at the fact she doesn’t have the same number of stories of her ‘dumb little sibling.’ But strangely Nojiko only tells stories about young Nami.

They keep going and meet a sickly girl named Kaya. She was visiting the shipyard while they were looking to get a new ship. Kuina recognizes Kaya’s brand new butler as Kuro and none of the crew are going to let him take advantage of Kaya. (Ace and Nojiko are over protective siblings and Kaya is the same age/a year younger than their siblings. And Kuina has to much honor plus she just really likes to fight) they save Kaya but the girl realizes that there is no life for her in Syrup village. There are just to many traumatic memories for her there so she joins the crew. Bring with her a brand new ship and a boat load of beri. (She leaves behind most of her fortune to Usopp and Merry, knowing they will take care of it until Usopp is ready to sail.

The crew travels on to a floating restaurant where they meet red leg Zeff and his apprentice Reiju. Her backstory is the same and Sanji, her and Zeff trapped in an island. It isn’t until much later that the crew finds out about her connections to Germa 66 and what happened to her beloved little brother Sanji.

The Baratie arc goes about the same with Kuina getting defeated by Mihawk, and Nojiko stealing the boat and the money.

They track Nojiko down and find out what Arlong did to her village. How he killed her sister to send a message to the village and imprisoned her mother. Using Bell-meré’s Marine knowledge to expand his territory and threatening Nojiko and the villages lives to keep her cooperating. So much about Nojiko makes sense. How she only tells stories about young Nami, why she cared so much about Kaya’s money. As they learn about her trying to buy her village back.

Arlong obviously breaks their deal. How can he keep Bell-meré in line without her daughter and village as leverage.

Needless to say Ace, Kuina, and Reiju burn the place to the ground (Kaya helps as she can but she’s still getting used to fighting)

They sail on with Bell-meré’s blessing.

When they get to the grand line they meet two fools named Mr. Nine and Miss Wednesday. But it’s not what you think. Mr. Nine is Koza. Vivi told him about the danger their country was in and he went in her stead. (At this time he is 17 and she is 13, but when he left he would have been 15 and she 11)

The crew agrees to help him, (Ace is thrilled to have another dude on the team) when they meet a mysterious women with white hair called Miss All Sunday. The encounter is very similar to Robin’s introduction.

They sail on to little Garden. Kaya has a great time meeting the giants (thrilled to tell Usopp about them one day) but also starts to really work on mastering a weapon.

They leave with a slowly sickening Nojiko. They stop at Drum Island to get her help where they meet and eccentric Doctor who helps them. His name? Dr. Hiriluk. He tells them about how he was deathly ill when his son cured him by accidentally giving him a Devil fruit. A Zoan type fruit. Specifically the, reindeer model. Unfortunately his son was killed by Drum’s island king for being a ‘monster’

Needless to say Wapol gets his butt handed to him. Dr. Hitiluk, seeing his country free and his dream fulfilled decided to join up with the crew to live out Chopper’s dream of curing all diseases.

They continue on, freeing Arabasta. With Koza staying behind to help rebuild his country, but he might rejoin 👀. As their sailing away someone makes themselves know. The mysterious white hair woman is on their ship and joining their crew, her name? Nico Olivia.

I’ll cover more of this later. I have so many ideas. But all of this to say. Imagine this crew meeting the straw hat crew. Something crosses their Dimensions into one another and Luffy gets to see Ace, Zoro gets to see and adult Kuina. Nami gets to see Nojiko and hear about their mother’s blessing their life of piracy. Usopp and Kaya meeting when both of them are competent warriors of the sea. Reiju reuniting with Her brother Sanji (I haven’t even told you what happened to Sanji in this world!) Chopper and Hiriluk. Robin and Olivia.

(I did this for Ace and Luffy and Zoro and Kuina but I think Sanji, Robin and Chopper will rip my heart out more)

Let me know what you think.

Master post

Part 1/2

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4