#my anxiety is through the roof this month and i just need to be HELD!!!! and to hold.

[enagismos]

if I don't see and hug my boyfriend soon I'm gonna kill everyone and then myself i miss him so much i'm going crazy

[vitaminseetarot]

Lenormand PAC: Messages From the Eclipsed Sun 🔆🌑😎

Sup y'all. Welcome to my lil end-of-March reading! Thank you for voting in the polls for April's next PAC topic for the 1 year special, which will be coming up next. Also thank you very, very much once again for participating in my 2nd tarot game! I'm still answering feedback and I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it as I did. I'm looking forward to the next game in summer (possibly a Midsummer game? 🧚‍♀️🐈🎶☀)

I was shuffling my Alchemy Elements deck and noticed that three random cards I pulled out were from the Sun suit (the four suits in this oracle are Moon, Sun, Star, and Earth). I had no topic in mind, so I allowed different mystery messages to come through. These light messages will be relevant to you as you pass through the new moon solar eclipse and all through the next lunar month.

Pick which one of the three sun cards resonates with you:

Flower 💐 Animal 🐎 River 🌊

Pile 1. Flower 💐

Gratitude, Bird of Paradise, Knowledge; Mountain, Astral Travel, Tower, Promise, Garden

The world outside is calling you, pile 1. You can't smell the roses blooming if you keep containing yourself under the roof. The beautiful days want you to explore and wander like a child discovering nature for the first time. Perhaps there are flowers you've never seen up close, maybe it's been a while since nature gave you new things to learn and marvel. Botanical gardens are filled with surprises, as are concrete cracks in the city.

Your hands seem too easily tied up in the working world, fulfilling task after task as if every day was meant to be the same. I see a person staring outside their cubicle, wondering when they'll find the time to make it to the park. Wondering when they'll be able to go to that fair, or practice surf lessons. Wondering, hoping, dreaming of the day when the walls can come down, and there will be no separation between daily life and the life filled with endless creative possibilities, waiting to be picked and weaved into crowns.

The path is neither just up ahead, nor light years away; it's right in front of you now. Accept the moment you find yourself in, even if it's impossible, because the surprises you are looking for are already surrounding you. It may feel like you have to climb far to see any hope of change, but you're asked to find stillness and beauty hidden within the climb. Even if you're not wandering through a field of wildflowers yet, there may be chance blossoms within your reach. Be thankful for the present peace you find. Ivy wraps around ivory walls; nature will find a way to you.

Wherever you intend to go, you may need to leave behind the opinions of others that don't help or encourage you. Let them have their perspectives, for they have their own paths to walk. You have yours waiting just outside the door. The light outside may overwhelm you, but it beckons you to appreciate what it has in store for you. So much more awaits you. But what you have today is just as beautiful.

Pile 2. Animal 🐎

Balance, Lenten Rose, Insight; Letter, Mirage, Heart, Bouquet, Moon

I hope the sun brings you brighter days, pile 2. There are friends (including animal friends!) who want to bask under the warm luminous skies with you. This time encourage us to stretch our arms out, walk with an extra skip, and enjoy what tomorrow has in store. However, there is anxiety keeping you held in, preventing you from racing ahead. You are being called to expand, move your body, and find ways to embrace joyful freedom more.

Before email and mail trucks were a thing, we had pony mail, which could take weeks to arrive to your mailbox. The information you're receiving doesn't match up to the reality you're soon living in. By the time you're reading the newspaper you have, another one will be on its way, contradicting the one in your hands. Reading over and over can help us feel ready to take on the world, but does it? Or is it keeping you in a loop of confirming news that confirms the news that conforms to the news you're expecting?

Newsflash: the most important place, the space that occurs before it's recorded in the papers, is the place your attention should focus on. If you can meet up with your friends in person, try hanging out with them outside of chatting online. Allow yourself to experience life alongside someone, to feel the wind in your hair as they drive; if you have a pet, spend an afternoon with them on a long walk. A friendly person who can help you desires connection.

Life is a mix of bright and sunny days, mixed with cloudy and rainy days. There are days to be serious and days to be goofy. There are times to stay at home online and times to go out with others. There are moments to feel sadness and worry, and moments of humor and happiness. Take it easy on yourself, pile 2, and whatever topic has you fixated on it, allow yourself the chance to step outside, walk away, and feel the light of the sun and moon on your face.

Pile 3. River 🌊

Desire, Cyclamen, Reminiscence; Tree, Protection, Animus, Star, Crossroads

It's okay to not know everything about your path ahead, pile 3. You may be figuring things out as you go along, without any set marker. You're being reminded that whatever path you take, things will turn out okay. Many twists and turns can make a long river, but you will be prepared. It's safe to keep moving in the flow with the currents. When the rolling waves seem slow and steady, it's best to ride along with it, for you have more time than you think to row through.

At times you may desire to keep your boat docked, unable to leave the shore and its many amenities. You may look back on what you used to love (or perhaps found addicting) and wish it were easier to wave it away. Don't be afraid to take souvenirs with you, to remind you of the good times you had. It'll make the transition smoother for when it's time to depart to your next destination. Big changes often require carrying things lightly.

Your north star is shining its beacon out to you. To find it, you must make it; to make it, you must find it. You must set your course by getting clear on where you most want to go. No one else can make this choice for you, for it's your unique trip. The map is with you, provided to you by years of experience and growth. There may be many different distractions, and it's okay to stop to them first just to explore instead of making it to the end goal right away. It's all part of your grand adventure, and the many secrets and surprises make it all the more exciting..

When there's a wish, there's a way. You have the drive within you to set sail towards your greatest yearning in life. Even if it doesn't seem it, you are able to channel the bravery and passion from within. When the skies are dark and you cannot navigate with the stars, you can look to the light beaming out from your soul to find your own way.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[f4ll-for-you]

Wanna Be Yours | Modern Aemond AU

Aemond x Best Friend Reader

Warnings: literally just fluff, Aegon being Aegon

As always, thank you to my bestie @arcielee for beta reading this for me. You are the best & ilysm

Aemond, the cool, mysterious guy on campus, completely different from his loud and obnoxious brother, Aegon. Aemond's not shy, but he isn't talkative either, only making the conversation needed, never going out of his way to make small talk.

That’s how he became your best friend, sitting together in the library, enjoying the comfortable silence. 

You’d occasionally help each other with essays, as you’d both realised after a few months that you took similar classes, they just happened to be at different times due to Aemond being the year below you. 

You’d know of him for a while, often crossing paths with his annoying - but ridiculously hot, frat boy brother Aegon, who’d taken the same photography class as you. 

The pair of you bonded over your mutual dislike for Aegon and his lifestyle. Distancing yourself from the party side of campus and enjoying the peace and quiet of the library on a Saturday evening. 

That was until your friend Baela convinced you to go to the end of term frat party, begging you to keep her company. She wasn’t much of a party girl either, but apparently missing the ‘party of the year’ was a disgrace. 

You rolled your eyes and reluctantly agreed, dragging Aemond along with you for support. At least you’d be miserable together. 

Upon arriving, you instantly regret your decision. The house was packed and your anxiety through the roof. You didn’t know these people, and from the events in front of you, you didn’t want to. 

Everyone had clearly been drinking for hours before you got there. 

Forcing your worry at bay, you grabbed Aemond’s hand and made your way towards the kitchen for drinks, losing Baela to her long term crush Jace on the way. You rolled your eyes at Aemond who smiled back. “Are you really surprised?” He spoke, smirking. You shook your head in response, making your way into the kitchen. 

The smell of alcohol hit your senses as you walked into the room, various concoctions abandoned over every counter. “You came!” A voice you both knew all too well bellowing behind you. Now it was Aemonds turn to roll his eyes. 

“Aegon,” Aemond responded to his brother grumpily. 

“Let me make you some drinks,” Aegon grabbed two red cups before you could refuse. Aemond sighed, already planning to pour whatever Aegon would make down the sink as soon as he was out of sight. 

“Looking good tonight Y/N,” Aegon smiled, making you blush heavily. 

“Not too bad yourself, Targaryen,” you replied, making Aemond want to throw up in his mouth. 

Although you’d always thought Aegon attractive, Aemond was the brother you’d fallen for. Not that you’d ever admit that. 

Aegon handed you a shot each, grinning with already hazy eyes. 

“Fuck it,” you spoke as you downed your shot, wincing at the burn in your throat. 

Several shots later, you began to feel the buzz of alcohol settling in as you took in Aemond’s features. 

You couldn’t help but stare as the alcohol pushed away your previous anxieties, Aemond’s lips looking all too inviting. 

“Hopefully that will give you some confidence with your girl, brother,” Aegon teased, making Aemond glare at him. 

Your face immediately went red, staring at Aegon like a deer in headlights. Aegon looked at you, confused for a moment. “What, you mean she really doesn’t know?”

“Aegon,” Aemond warned his brother, anger filling his eyes. 

“Wow, guess she’s free then, I don’t have to worry about doing this” Aegon retorted, grabbing your hand and pulling you away from Aemond before you could register what was happening. 

You held Aegon's hand as he walked you through the party, with everyone’s eyes on you and the frat king. 

Registering what had happened, you pulled your hand away from Aegon’s angrily. “Aegon, what the fuck,” you shouted, your outburst causing more people to stare. 

“Shut up and come with me okay” he spoke, grabbing your hand once more. “I’m doing you a favour.” 

You looked confused but followed along with whatever plan Aegon had, the shots clearly clouding your judgment. 

Within a few moments you were on a quiet deck at the back of the house, free from loud music and drunk college students. 

“Aegon, what was that,” you demanded as he flopped down on an outdoor sofa. 

“You don’t know?” He questioned, clearly amused by your confusion. 

“Enlighten me,” you sat down next to him. 

“My brother has been in love with you for as long as he’s known you.” 

Your cheeks instantly heat up at Aegon's words. Shaking your head involuntarily. “No he doesn’t, we’re friends, best friends,” you insisted.

Aegon laughed unkindly. 

“Y/N, the way my brother looks at you does not imply he sees you as ‘just friends’,” Aegon states, almost spilling his drinks at the air quotes he imitates. 

“Then why wouldn’t he tell me,” you almost whisper. You feel confused, embarrassed that you didn’t notice all this time. 

“Because…he’s a pussy,” Aegon spoke nonchalantly, making you hit him gently. 

“Wait, if he likes me, why are you making him think we’re getting together right now?” 

Aegon only shakes his head in response, disappointed at your naïveté. 

“I’m making him jealous,” Aegon looks directly at you, “it’s the only way he’ll confess his true feelings.”

Instead, you stand up to find Aemond, to apologise to him for everything, for making him think that you’d choose his brother over him.

“Wait,” Aegon pulls your arm. “Give it a couple more minutes, you need to get him really riled up, trust me.”

You sit in silence with Aegon, watching the clock on your phone as you wait. 

“I’m going,” you state after five minutes. Aegon only smiles. “See ya sister-in-law,” he shouts as you walk away. 

It takes several minutes before you locate Aemond. He left the messy, people covered house, and was sitting on the curb outside. 

“Aem,” you try to shout, suddenly feeling awkward about the situation. 

Aemond turns around immediately at the sound of your voice, standing up from his seat on the pavement. 

You look beautiful, your dress showing your figure perfectly, your hair cascading down your shoulders. 

Your eyes light up from the glow of the party indoors and he wonders why he hasn’t done this sooner.

He walks towards you quickly, meeting you in the middle of the driveway as he immediately cups your face, taking a moment to look into your eyes before crashing his lips into yours. 

You immediately mould into him, the taste of sweet alcohol on his lips and you can’t help but smile into the kiss. 

The pair of you pull away for a second, both grinning. You don’t need to speak, your eyes say everything you both feel. 

“He’s still a twat,” Aemond breaks the silence, the smile not leaving his face. 

“Yeah, but I guess he was right just this once,” you reply.

“Let’s go home,” Aemond says, before taking your hand in his.

[punk4ndisorderly]

light on

The one where Y/N is the daughter of a legendary Team USA coach and used to attend the development program with the boys. 8 years after they last saw each other in person, a reunion brings Jack and Y/N back into each other’s lives... and hearts.

if you keep the light on, i'll keep the light on

XXII XXIII - rewind XXIV

“Jack Hughes started dating my mom when I was five. He watched movies with me, he gave me an Elsa dress, he helped me with my drawings and paintings and he was the best cook ever. He always made different voices for every character when he read to me. I knew he was the one for my mommy. Back then I didn’t know...”

Y/N was supposed to be listening to her daughter, who was reading out her school assignment to her, but ended up zoning out, her mind travelling back to that fateful day, precisely three years prior.

It was always a hard day in the Y/L/N household. It was overcharged with lots of different emotions. Mainly anger and sadness. But also hope. Hope for a better, brighter future. There is a fine line between both sides of the coin. Either way, it was a difficult day to remember and go through.

Most days, she barely remembered the details of that night. Y/N remembered the indescribable pain she felt, River's arms around her at the hospital as she sobbed uncontrollably into her shirt. Ellen Hughes' face. The media frenzy. But she didn’t remember specifics. Most days.

Some days it all came back to her, making her struggle to breathe. When it hit her, it hit her hard. But she was never alone when it did, and for that she was extremely grateful.

The doctor glanced at her daughter, now eight, her long hair almost reaching the bottom of her back. She looked like an angel. She was her angel.

Charlie had been locked up and the judge didn’t go easy on him. After a long, extenuating trial, it was proven that he was abusive and his intention, which originally was to take his daughter and disappear, only carrying the gun to use if faced with resistance, took a turn from evil to extremely evil when he shot two rounds at an unarmed Jack Hughes.

Joey was still going to a therapist every month, just to check in on how she was handling everything. She made peace with it, while Y/N needed weekly visits to cope and keep herself in check. The doctor's anxiety was always over the roof, even though she knew he wouldn’t be able to come back and hurt her. Even though he already did.

Today, she was getting flashbacks to the candlelight vigil his fans had organized. Everyone was wearing white, speeches were being made, there wasn’t a dry eye present. Of course she wasn’t able to make it, but she had seen everything on social media. Trevor and Cole had been there and till this very day describe it as one of the hardest things they went through. Everything was so painful. The world was a little less bright. Y/N wasn’t eating, she wasn’t sleeping. She wasn’t living. The first week was the worst, but the group of friends helped keep each other stay strong. They held each other tight when it would’ve been easier to let go. That’s family.

He was their everything. And they were his everything as well. A friend, a father, a boyfriend, a son, a beloved hockey player. Kind, loving, funny, talented, the best one out there. Y/N smiled at the memory of his and Joey's tickletackle that day and how he was always able to make everyone’s day better. That’s Jack Hughes.

“And that’s why he’s my hero, second only to my mom.”

Y/N stood up, wiping the tears from her eyes quickly as she ran to hug her daughter.

“This is beautiful, bug!” she screeched, holding her daughter tightly.

“You think so?” Joey beamed, showing her mother her missing front tooth, the very last one to come out, in the process.

“Yeah, of course!”

“I hope he likes it!” the girl confessed, letting go of her mother to close her notebook and putting it in her backpack.

“You hope who likes what?” Jack inquired, coming from another room, carrying his guitar case on his shoulder.

Y/N and Joey exchanged looks, the girl asking her mother to keep quiet by placing a finger in front of her lips.

“It’s nothing.” Y/N waved him off.

“If this is about Oliver...”

“Dad! Stop” Joey groaned, getting a chuckle from her parents.

“Go brush your teeth, young lady. Dad is dropping you off at school.”

“Fine! But no gossiping about Ollie behind my back!” Y/N's daughter demanded, pointing a finger at both adults, who were struggling to keep their composure.

“Okay, little otter, go. I won’t ask your mom for boy updates.” the brunette man assured her.

The eight-year-old left the kitchen, followed closely by her companion, Finn, who, so many years later, was still by her side at all times.

Jack turned to look at his girlfriend, noticing her eyes were slightly red and puffy.

“Y/N... were you crying?” he asked in a hushed tone, his hands gently cupping her face. “Did Oliver do something to her? I swear to god -“

“No... it’s just... It’s the twentieth.” she gulped, her eyes finding his torso.

She knew exactly where the scar was. Just below his twelfth rib, on his left side. Barely an inch away from his spleen and, most likely, death. The time he had spent in a coma, connected to all sorts of machines, proved it. The days and nights she had spent by his side, holding his hand, were engraved on her brain.

“Y/N...”

“I know... You’re here. He isn’t coming back. Jo's doing great. I don’t need to be acting like this every year. I don’t need to play it in my head over and over again, I - “

“That was not what I was going to say. Babe, it was fucking traumatic. I got the bullet, but you were the one that was there fighting for me, day in and day out, not knowing if I was going to make it past the night. Watching people mourn me as if I were dead. The candlelight vigils. Media clocking down your every move. That leaves wounds, it leaves scars. And you’re getting help and doing much better. Just... Don’t overthink your progress. You’re the strongest person I know. You got this. And if you don’t, I do. I got you. Forever.”

“God, when is Ashton Kutcher making his big entrance and telling me I just got Punk’d? Because you cannot be real.” Y/N groaned, wrapping her arms around him and reveling on the way his sweater smelled like favorite perfume. It smelled like love.

She could feel his chest vibrate against her cheek as he laughed loudly, making her smile even harder. The coach's daughter couldn’t believe she had gotten so lucky. When the Universe had a chance to take everything away from her it had decided not to. And for that, she was eternally grateful.

Jack looked down at her, safe and sound in his arms, her frame fitting perfectly with is. He wished he could freeze that moment in time and go back to it every time he wanted to. Her smile, their daughter, their home. Perfect. Too good to be true.

The hardest part of the last three years had been coming to terms with the fact that what happened wasn’t going to happen again. His rational side tried convincing him that it was true, but late at night he had found himself getting up and checking repeatedly if the doors were locked, the windows shut and the alarms on. Charloe wasn’t coming back to finish the job, though. Jack wasn’t going to lose Y/N and Joey. Everything was going to be okay. He knew it. But at the same time, his brain demanded proof at all times. So, when it did, he held on to his girlfriend. His safe haven. Sometimes she’d look at him funny, wondering what had gotten into him, but she never complained. Being able to be together would never again be taken for granted.

“Hey.” he almost whispered, making her look up at him, a soft smile adorning her lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” Y/N cooed, standing on her tippy toes to kiss him.

Jack's hands immediately pulled her closer to him, not ever wanting to let go.

“I’m ready!” Joey announced, coming downstairs showing off her pearly whites. “Ew! Stop! That’s gross.”

“Very gross.” the hockey player agreed, hugging his girlfriend tightly.

“We’re the grossest. Sorry, bug. You’re stuck with us.” her mother chuckled, untangling herself from Jack's embrace to be able to crouch down to her height. “Have a great day at school, Jo. Be nice. Wait for your turn...”

“Don’t pull pranks on Ms. Miller. I know, mom.” the eight-year-old sighed.

“Okay, okay. You’re a big girl. You got it.”

“Let’s go, little otter. No tardiness allowed on Hugheship.” Jack reminded them, picking up Joey's backpack, ushering her outside.

Y/N raised an eyebrow, looking amused.

“Hugheship?”

“Hughes' spaceship!” her daughter replied before Jack could.

“What she said!” he laughed, checking if she had fastened her seatbelt before getting inside. “See you later, beautiful.”

*

“Is the blindfold really necessary?” Y/N asked, raising her hands to touch the fabric covering her eyes.

“Yes. And stop trying to take it off!” he scolded his girlfriend, chuckling, his eyes moving back to the road ahead of him.

“Jack, I swear to god, if this is another attempt to get me to get my wisdom teeth removed...”

“No, no. I’m not making that mistake again... Not even if your teeth get all crooked.” the Devils' plajer shook his head.

“Will you still love me when my teeth get crooked?”

“I would love you even if you had no teeth.” he smiled, even though he knew she couldn’t see him.

The drive was a little over an hour long, with Y/N singing along to every single song on the radio. Jack was always astounded by her capacity to memorise lyrics when he could barely remember the National Anthem. He couldn’t stop stealing glances at the gorgeous woman sat beside him, who couldn’t stop fidgeting in her seat, her curiosity getting the best of her.

Y/N eventually drifted off to sleep, having stayed up late the night before and getting up very early in the morning to get Joey ready for school.

Jack pulled up by the entrance of the natural park, waiting a few more minutes before waking her up. He knew how much she needed to rest and couldn’t bring himself to do it until he got a text from her mother, letting him know she had picked up their little girl and was on her way.

He took a deep breath, reaching to softly shake her awake.

“No, mom. I’ll be up in five.” she mumbled swatting his hand away.

The brunette man let out a loud laugh, deciding to get out and run to her side, opening the door carefully, not wanting her to fall. He gently picked her up and the doctor instantly wrapped her arms around his neck, holding on tight.

“Mom! You’re so strong.” the petite woman sighed, nuzzling into his chest, the scent of his cologne filling up her nostrils and waking her up. “Hey baby.”

She could feel his chest vibrating while he laughed, instantly making her smile.

“Hi, babe. How was the nap?”

“Great... Can I take the blindfold off now? And walk on my own?”

“Ten more minutes and you’ll be skipping around.”

“And seeing?”

“And seeing.” he chuckled, walking along the trail.

“Good. Also, it smells heavenly here. Are we in the woods or something?”

“Or something.” Jack smirked.

“Jack Hughes, is this your way of getting rid of me? Are you going to leave me in the middle of nowhere and drive off into the sunset?”

“Y/N, you’ve been watching way too many episodes of Criminal Minds in a row.”

“I can’t help it, I’ve got a huge crush on...”

“Morgan, I know.” the brunette man rolled his eyes playfully, now huffing and puffing from carrying her for so long. “Alright, Ms. Y/L/N. I’m letting you down. Ready?”

“Ready.” she chirped, letting out a screech when he dropped her, landing on a pile of pillows. “What the hell, Rowdy?”

Her boyfriend dropped down on one knee, taking off her blindfold.

“As promised.” he winked, smoothing out her hair and laughing at how disheveled she looked.

“Shut up, I bet I look crazy!”

“You do not.”

Y/N leaned in to kiss him, cupping both sides of his face with her dainty hands. Losing his balance, Jack fell back on the blanket he had laid out earlier that morning, after dropping Joey off at school, bringing his girlfriend down with him, making her land on his chest.

The couple burst out laughing, the doctor finally taking in her surroundings as she got back to her initial position. They were sitting in the middle of a beautiful clearing, tall trees surrounding them, the sun rays coming through treetops, enveloping them in a golden haze. She glanced around her, seeing the pile of pillows she had fallen on and a checkered red blanket, a small basket set close by.

“What is this?” Y/N inquired, motioning towards the romantic setting. “Am I missing something? Jack, I told you monthversaries aren’t a thing...”

“It’s a romantic picnic. Do I have to have a reason to set a romantic picnic up for my beautiful girlfriend?”

“Is this about Trevor's whole Vegas birthday extravaganza thing? I told you I’m fine with it, but please don’t go all Hangover trilogy on me. Oh and don’t let Alex get a face tattoo, because that would -“

The Devils' player crashed his lips against hers, gently guiding her towards the soft pillows behind her. After a minute or two, he pulled away, trying to catch his breath and being met with Y/N's quizzical facial expression.

“It’s a romantic getaway...But shorter. I wanted to do something nice for you today.”

“Is it because of...hu...”

“Well, kind of. I mean, I wouldn’t say it’s happening because of the date but the date is specific for a reason... It’s just -“

“A beautiful gesture from my amazing boyfriend. Got it, baby.” she beamed up at him, sitting back up. “Thank you.”

Y/N couldn’t believe how lucky she was Coke had knocked some sense into her three years before and made her throw caution to the wind, choosing the man who had, over and over again, chosen her.

He looked at her adoringly, before reaching for the basket and dragging it closer to him.

“So what did you cook for us?” the coach's daughter asked, rubbing her hands together.

“I didn’t cook anything... But...” he began, pulling out two greasy cheeseburgers and waving them in front of her.

“I love you, I love you, I love you!” the brunette squealed, wrapping her arms around Jack's neck before stealing a burger from him. “Did you get -“

“Fries? Of course I did, who do you think I am?” the brunette man feigned hurt, handing her a pack of cheese fries.

“Man, I could marry you right here. On this very spot. Right now. This is so good.” she moaned as she took bite after bite of her favorite junk food.

Jack almost choked on his food, coughing out a large chunk of bread, his face as red as it could get.

“Oh my god! Rowdy! Are you okay? I didn’t mean to... We don’t need to... I don’t want to pressure you, please...”

“Sunshine...” he managed to get out, his voice still hoarse. “I want to marry you. I do. Trust me.” he smiled, seeing her worried expression be replaced by a relieved one.

“You almost choked when I mentioned marriage so I think we’re sitting this one out for a while, hu?” Y/N teased him, eating happily.

*

“So... Are you ready to go?” Jack said, getting up and storing the trash in the basket.

“Go where? I thought we were just having a picnic?” Y/N raised an eyebrow, confused.

“I need to move so I can digest all this food, you know... And a romantic walk doesn’t sound bad, right?” he winked, waiting for her to get on her feet. “We’ll get this on our way back.”

“Okay?” the doctor chuckled, holding on to his forearm and treading by his side.

They stayed silent for a little while, exchanging a few loving looks along the way. Jack's palms were sweating like crazy and Y/N couldn’t help but think it was endearing how, after all those years, he still got so nervous around her. She held on to his arm tighter, her chin resting on his shoulder as she looked up at him.

“Jack Hughes, you are the love of my life. Did you know that?”

“I figured that if you haven’t kicked me out by now I must be doing something right... Being called the love of your life sounds good to me. I just don’t know what I did to deserve you...”

“Your charm totally stems from your badass scar, not going to lie.”

“But you were dating me way before that...”

“Ehh, it was kinda fizzling out by then...” she joked.

“You’re the love of my life as well, sunshine. Don’t doubt it.” he stated, completely sure of himself for one of the very few times in his life.

“I could never, babe. Now...Where are we?”

Jack smiled softly, leading her towards yet another clearing, this one with a very particular set of familiar trees right in the middle of it. He looked down on his girlfriend, completely mesmerized by the beauty of their current location, and he took her hand in his, taking her up to the second one from the left.

The teacher furrowed her eyebrows, not getting the point and glancing at him with nothing but utter confusion on her face.

“These are beautiful, but I am lost.” she confessed.

“Doesn’t this place look oddly familiar?” the Devils' player inquired, motioning towards the log trellis behind the trees.

Suddenly, realization hit her. They were at David and River's wedding venue. Memories of their weekend in the house the couple had rented, skinny dipping, foosball, talking under the stars and a love confession came flooding back. She let go of Jack's hand and ran to the first one on the right, finding their friend’s names carved on the tree they had chosen three years prior.

“The foursome of love? Holy shit, Rowdy! How did you even manage to get here without getting us both lost? Your sense of orientation is literally nonexistent!” Y/N walked up to him, her hands on her hips.

“I did this quite a few times before today.” the brunette man chuckled. “I’ve had time to practice and find the right direction.” he shrugged. “But check this out... Right over... Here.”

The doctor looked at what he was pointing to and she let out a gasp, reading Y/NY/L/N+JH right on top of every other combination of letters.

“Oh my god. When did you - ?” she almost yelled, trying to touch the bark around her and Jack's initials, standing on her tippy toes.

“The same night I told you I liked you. After I went looking for you, I came back to the reception and decided we were too good to not be given a chance. So I carved our initials right here in hopes of one day coming back and my dream having come true.” he reached out to caress her cheek, wiping away a single tear with his thumb. “Because that’s what you are, Y/N. You’re my dream come true. And I thought, if I’m gonna do this, I better do it in the exact same spot where I poured my feelings out to the woman who has had my heart ever since I first met her. Full circle, baby.”

“What? What do you mean do this?”

“Oh honey, you cannot be this dense.” Y/M/N rolled her eyes, coming from the log trellis bellow them.

Behind her were Dan, with his phone in his hand, and her father, who walked hand in hand with Joey, who was looking around like she was waltzing into one of her dreams. When she finally spotted her mother, she ran to hug her, not letting go of her waist as Jack inched closer to both of them.

“What the -“

“Will you shut up for once and let the man speak?” Coach huffed, joining his ex-wife by one of the trees. “Love you, honey. Carry on, Hughes.”

“Thanks, Coach.” the Devils' player chuckled.

“Okay. Sorry, sorry.” Y/N said, shaking her head and turning back to Jack. “I have a tendency to talk a lot and interrupt people when I’m nervous.”

He leaned in placing a hand on her cheek, stroking it gently.

“I know, babe. I know you like the palm of my hand. You put way too much sugar in your morning coffee, you get up extra early to make this huge breakfast we never finish eating, you’re terrible with washing machines so you sometimes end up accidentally mixing my underwear and Joey's ballet gear and consequently dying it all pink.” he stopped himself when he heard a quiet sniffle coming from behind him. “You good, Y/M/N?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Thank you. Carry on.” the older woman waved him off, prompting him to turn his attention back to his girlfriend.

“As I was saying...” he continued, making everyone else to laugh at how emotional his mother-in-law was. “Mess, you write songs about everything and anything, you have a terrible road rage problem, you make time to give back and help others, you’re an incredible mom to our little girl. Being with you made me a better man. I knew you were the one for me from the minute you checked me against the plexiglass for the very first time, I’m sorry it took me so long to actually do something about it... When we were here the last time my life changed forever because when you kissed me back I knew I was getting a second chance with the girl of my dreams. That night, three years ago, when I was about to pass out, all I could think about was how much I wanted to live my life with you and Joey, how much I needed to be around to see you smile and help her get through life. I knew how deep my love for you actually was. You make me so happy and I hope I can make you just as happy for the rest of our lives. I chose to do this today because that awful memory that has been haunting us for so long is overdue to be replaced by an amazing one. So, without further due and with Joey and your parents’ permission...” he said, getting down on one knee and opening a black velvet box, revealing a beautiful oval-shaped diamond ring inside. “Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me?”

Y/N let out a gasp, her hands flying up to her mouth as Joey jumped up and down, still holding on to her waist and giggling. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as she took in what was happening and how perfect that moment was.

“Mommy, say yes!” the eight-year-old begged, glancing up at her mom.

The doctor took him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up, her lips meeting his in a sweet, make-your-heart-burst-with-happiness kiss. She pulled away, her face glowing with pure glee, making his heart beat faster and faster inside his ribcage. After all those years, she still had the power to make him go weak in the knees. One kiss and everything was okay, no matter what. Y/N joined their foreheads, breathless as she stared deep into his warm onyx eyes.

“Is that a yes?” Jack asked, hesitantly.

“Yes. Da. Oui. Sí. Whatever language you want me to say it in. Be mine, Jack Hughes. Forever.”

Jack let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, a nervous chuckle coming out of his mouth as he ran his hands through his hair, never dropping the black velvet box, and proceeding to grab her face, peppering small pecks all over her nose, cheeks, lips and forehead, making her laugh as the four people present watched them happily.

“So, do I get to wear the ring now or are you going to carry that around a little bit longer?” Y/N teased him, pointing towards the box.

“Oh, yeah, of course. Wait, okay.” he stuttered, his hands shaking as he pulled the ring out.

He effortlessly slid the ring onto her finger, earning claps and cheers from Coach and Y/M/N, while Dan took pictures, trying to refrain from crying his heart out right then and there.

“Do you like it?” he whispered in her ear when she pulled him into a tight embrace.

“I love it. And I love you.” she spoke in a hushed tone, pressing her lips just bellow his ear lobe.

“I love you too, Mess. Thank you for choosing me.” the brunette man smiled, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Not choosing you could never be an option, Gretz.” the doctor assured him, looking straight into his eyes and leaning back in for another kiss.

“Okay, kids! Too much PDA is actually a thing.” Coach clapped his hands loudly, to bring them back down to planet Earth. “Hughes, wasn’t there something else you wanted to ask?”

“Oh! Yes! Oh my god, yes. I wanted to...” he began, letting go of his fiancée and crouching down in front of Joey, who looked overjoyed by the recent turn of events, taking her two hands in his and signaling for Y/N to join them with his head. “Well, I want to...Hmmm... Okay let me start again... I love you, Jo. You’ve been my daughter in my head and in my heart for three years now... I read you your bedtime stories, I stay up late at night worrying about your future, my heart breaks when you cry... I already call you my kid and I already brag about you to everyone around me but... I would like to make it official... I mean, if you want to and if your mother will allow me to... I would like to adopt you and be legally known as Josephine Y/L/N's dad. What do you say, girls?”

Y/N looked at him with tears in her eyes, mimicking Joey as she stared at the man she had grown to love as her father figure in shock. Having Jack as her dad was something she never took for granted and she knew he was the best man around. It was all true. He was already hers to keep. And she sure wanted him to be recognized as the father he had been to her ever since she was five years old. Joey turned her head to look at her mother, who was struggling to keep her emotions in check, but still managed to nod silently at her, inching closer so she could kiss her temple.

“Does that mean you are breaking the law if you don’t watch Disney movies with me?” the little girl inquired in a joking manner, raising her eyebrow.

“I think that can be one interpretation of it, sure.” Jack laughed.

“I love you, daddy.” she squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I love you too, sweet girl.”

And just like that, all the pieces in the puzzle were finally assembled. They fit. And the picture was exactly like the one on the box. He was sure of it.

[daydream-cement]

Violet and Rose Ch. 28

Larissa Weems x OC (Fern Rogers)

Authors Note: Thank you all for coming on this journey with me. I love these two dorks so much and will always be thankful for the community and platform they led me to. I hope you all can enjoy the finale <3

This wasn’t how you planned it. Larissa was supposed to be here for this, but the next 24 hours were going to be hell without her. 

The dull ache in your lower abdomen started around lunchtime, but you were sure it was just soreness. Larissa’s mother had spent a half hour detailing the woes of childbirth, leading you to the belief that you would simply wait to give birth for Larissa to return home from her work trip. You completely understood your irrational thought process, but you simply weren’t ready. Now, by the end of the school day, the dull ache had sharpened enough to make you hold your breath as they washed over you. From what the obstetrician told you, false labor wasn’t uncommon but these contractions were coming at regular intervals. These twins were coming whether you wanted it to happen or not. 

The last of your students filed from the classroom when you pulled your phone from your desk drawer. There was a text from Larissa asking how your day was and instead of replying over text, you chose to call her. 

She answered immediately, but her voice was hushed. She must have been in a meeting, “Is everything okay?”

“Define okay.” Your joke didn’t land with her. As your pregnancy progressed, Larissa always seemed to answer the phone with concern like you were calling with the worst news possible. When she doesn't respond to your quip, you reveal the news, “I think I’m going into labor.”

There was a pause on Larissa’s end, a door shut, and finally she spoke once more, “How far apart are the contractions?”

“Ten minutes or so... I stopped tracking the length. I was in class.” This was a small lie. They were about 7-8 minutes apart, but rounding up would put Larissa’s mind at ease. You knew to head to the hospital when they hit five minutes, “I have time, but not much.”

“You need to call my mom.” You could picture Larissa as she spoke. She was pacing already, her nondominant arm folded across her middle as her right held the phone against her ear. Larissa would be fretting until she was next to you once more, but she wouldn’t let you hear it in her voice. 

“No. I can’t. Larissa she spent-” You cut your sentence short when a contraction tears through you. You choked down the groan of pain, not wanting Larissa to hear. Through deep breaths, you continue your thought, “She spent... all last night talking about... how miserable childbirth was... I don’t want her there. I want you.”

“Well, we don’t really have an option do we? Come on, Fern.” Larissa shook her head, knowing she couldn’t offer you the solution you so desperately wanted. 

You think back on the past few days. Chris was more of a dragon queen than usual. There was a Facebook post about an impromptu class reunion and her mood had been bleak since reading about it, “You haven’t spent the last few days with her. She has been in this terrible mood since she found out about her class reunion.” 

“Picture that and multiply it by eighteen years and you have my childhood. Now, call her. Call someone, anyone. You need to go to the hospital soon. I’m leaving now.” Larissa was entirely exasperated by your behavior. Her anxiety had been through the roof about you and your pregnancy for months, and it was just her luck that she would be out of town when you gave birth, “I need to get my things from the hotel and I’ll get home as quickly as I can. I can be there in a couple hours if I somehow find a flight, but otherwise I might not be there until late tonight.”

You knew it was wrong to whine, but all you wanted was her to be with you, “Larissa...”

“I know. I know, but it’s the best I can do.” Larissa’s fingers pinched the bridge of her nose. She was entirely helpless and she wanted to be with you as desperately as you wanted her. Nothing could ever go as planned for the two of you. Larissa’s next suggestion was possibly just as worse as Christine taking you to the hospital, “Call Rowan. She will take you.”

“I can’t-” 

You begin to argue, but can’t get more than a couple words out before Larissa interrupts. Her tone was the same she used on stubborn, misbehaving students, “Don’t argue. You need to go to the hospital. Call Rowan and I’ll call my mother.”

“Larissa... I’m scared.” You wanted the impossible from her. In that moment, you wished she had teleportation powers rather than shapeshifting. Every cell in your being wanted to be irrational and stubborn, to sit in your desk chair until Larissa arrived home, but this wasn’t about you anymore. It was about the twins. 

“I know. I am too, but we will get through this... together.” 

“Okay... I love you.”

“I love you too. See you soon.”

You battled yourself as you navigated to Rowan’s contact. It had been months since you last saw her let alone spoken to her. Larissa had been keeping her updated on the pregnancy without your knowledge as she believed there was still the opportunity for reconciliation between the two of you. The phone rings twice before Rowan answers and before she can get a word out, you begin speaking, “Rowan... Rowan, are you there?”

“Yes, I’m here. What do you want?” You expected her tone to be colder and twinged with anger and resentment, but Rowan only sounded dejected. 

Rather than dwell on her sadness, you jump into your reason for calling before she has time to reject you all together. You didn’t intend for your voice to sound so fearful, but there was no hiding the panic rising within you, “I-I need someone to take me to the hospital. Larissa is gone.” 

“I’ll be right there!” You could hear her rising from wherever she was sitting, immediately jumping into action to come to your aid. The familiar jingle of her keys came from her end of the phone and you couldn’t help but smile in relief, “Are you at school or at home?”

“My classroom.” 

“Okay, I’m coming down right now. Don’t move.” Rowan urged as she passed through her front door. You heard it slam behind her right before she hung up. Rowan had sprinted down to your classroom, sliding across the tile floors as she turned corners. When Rowan arrived in your classroom, she didn’t mention the fight nor did she attempt to make idle small talk. Like nothing had happened at all, she offered docile words of encouragement and ignored the pain from your vice-like grip on her hand. 

The contractions grew closer together and in some ways you were grateful for the pain as it meant you wouldn’t have to talk to Rowan. What were you supposed to say to your former best friend? She had chosen Marilyn over your friendship. You found there was nothing left to say. Regardless of how you held a grudge, Rowan drove you to the hospital, her right hand gripping yours as she drove. Time moved by in a blur because you were so focused on the increasing pain of contractions. 

By the time you made your way in the sliding doors of the hospital, Chris was wildly yelling at the front desk attendant about letting her in to see her daughter-in-law, “I don’t care. I don’t care! I want to see her immediately.”

In typical Christine fashion, she hadn’t been listening to a word of what was being said to her. The woman at the front desk was trying to tell her there was no Fern Rogers currently admitted. Mid rampage, Chris turns and sees you, beginning a new argument to why they weren’t helping you. She was thoroughly unembarrassed by her ridiculous behavior, but you were grateful to have someone who would advocate for you. 

Rowan helped you until Chris moved to your side, from there the vampire waited awkwardly. Once they were ready to take you back to your hospital room, Rowan shifted to come with you, but Chris’s protective glare had the vampire bid you farewell, “You are in good hands. I’ll see you when it's all said and done.”

There seemed to be so much going on between the increasing frequency of contractions, Chris’s insane behavior, and nurses speaking to you. You felt it was in your best interest to block out most of it and just think of the words coming from the medical professionals. The contractions were longer and harsher and you longed for the experience to be over.

Once in the hospital bed, Christine loomed at your side, gripping your hand harder than you held hers. You were happy to have her there for you, but you would kill to have Larissa or your own mother there in her place. She had made a promise to Larissa that she would watch over you and care for you in her absence. While she was entirely overbearing at some points, she was determined not to fail her daughter in keeping this promise while you gave birth. Her voice was filled with a sweetness you had never experienced from her before, “You are doing wonderfully. I’m so proud of you.”

There was so much going on around you. After all the personal research and discussion with your obstetrician, you felt as though you had forgotten everything you had prepared yourself for. Your eyes were closed when you heard your doctor speaking to you, “Okay, Fern... It’s time for you to start pushing.” 

“No, no, no, I can’t. Larissa isn’t here.” You weren’t pleading with your doctor. Instead, you were looking up to Chris, hoping she would have the power to pause this moment until Larissa could be here. 

Chris brought a hand to your cheek, wiping the hair from your face, “You don’t have a choice, dear. It’s time.”

------

Chris was gone when you had awoken from your short nap causing you to furrow your brow at the absence of anyone’s company. Soon, you heard her voice clearly through the hallway, accompanied by the most relieving voice of all: Larissa. 

“I missed it? I missed everything?” The heartbreak in Larissa’s voice was evident. She had come straight to the hospital, still in the same clothes she had been wearing when she spoke to you on the phone. While she would never make it known, Larissa was dead on her feet. From the day she left, she had only been able to sleep a couple hours each night, her insomnia derived from being apart from you and the anxiety of you giving birth.  

“It’s okay. The girls are fine, Fern is fine. You’re here now.” Christine enveloped her daughter into a hug, her typical critical tone was completely absent. Larissa was shocked by her mother’s tenderness, but accepted the hug readily. 

You couldn’t make out Larissa’s words, but her voice rang out with a soft sob, “She’ll never forgive me for being gone. What kind of mother am I?”

Chris gave Larissa a final squeeze, rubbing her back in effort to have her calm down. Rarely did Chris ever offer Larissa physical affection and this would be a moment for Larissa to remember forever. Christine spoke quietly, “A wonderful one. Now go in there and be with her.”

You were wide awake and watching the doorway to your hospital room when Larissa finally appeared in the doorway. Holding out a hand to her, you beckoned for her to come to your bedside, beginning to speak before she could apologize profusely, “Two healthy babies. They say Vi is having some trouble breathing but it’s nothing they haven’t seen before and Thea is strong as an ox.”

“And you?” Larissa took a seat on the edge of the bed, taking your hand in hers. She pulled your hand to her lips and began pressing kisses to your fingers as her own form of silent apology. You looked her over, taking into account the winkles in her dress, fly aways in her typically perfect updo, and the absence of makeup on her face. You debated on urging her to go home and rest, but you knew that would be a fruitless argument. 

“Tired.” You hum, grasping the fabric of her jacket in your free hand just to feel the fabric. Her absence over the past few days had been unbearable and you longed for her proximity. Larissa leaned in closer, resting her head on her shoulder to observe your current state. 

Larissa released a breathy laugh, unable to help the tears in her eyes as she brushed some of the stray hairs from your forehead, “I bet.”

“I’m not mad at you. I promise.” You urge, wanting to premise this fact before Larissa could ruminate on it any longer. Giving her hand a squeeze, you begin to tease her a bit, just to lift the moment, “Just... don’t miss the big stuff like birthdays and Christmas.”

“I can do that.” Larissa laughed once more, leaning in to press a soft kiss to your lips. 

You had begun to regale Larissa with the story of Rowan picking you up, her mother verbally assaulting hospital workers, and promptly informing her you weren’t interested in giving birth ever again. Larissa wore a teary eyed smile through the entire story, partially due to the sadness of not being there through it and partially due to the humor of it all. The moment was broken up by a nurse entering the room with the tiny, swaddled Althea. Already having the opportunity to have held Thea, you nodded at Larissa to take the child from the nurse. Your heart ached because it felt so full. Watching Larissa hold little Althea was the one thing you needed in that moment. After all you had been through in the past twelve hours, that sight made it all worth it. 

------

“Oh, mom, they are absolutely beautiful.” You smile at your mother through Facetime, filling her in on the past day of having both the twins finally at home. While you were exhausted, you couldn’t stop smiling and neither could your mother. Their flight leaves later today for them to finally meet their grandbabies. 

“Larissa and I spoke and Violet is the spitting image of you as a baby.” Diane chimed in. Minutes before the Facetime with your mother, Diane had just gotten off the phone with Larissa, calling her first so she could get a peek at what she was really interested in: the girls. You wouldn’t have been surprised if she had taken screenshots and already had those pictures printed for herself and all of the other relatives. 

“Christine says neither of them look like Larissa, but Stephen says Althea looks like her. I don’t know who to believe.” Your words make your mother laugh. In the nicest way possible, the dysfunctional nature of Larissa’s family had always amused Diane as she was unable to understand why they all fought so much. 

“Send me some baby pictures of Larissa and I’ll settle the debate.”

“Oh, I know you will, mom. Larissa told me-” A gentle rapping came from the doorway to Larissa and your bedroom pulled you from your conversation. You glance up to see Rowan, hands nervously shoved into her pockets as she bites at the inside of her cheek. Without glancing at your phone, you speak quickly to your mother, ending the call, “I’m sorry, ma. Rowan is here. I have to go. Love you!”

“Sounds good, honey. Love you! I’ll see you tonight.” Diane makes kissing noises at the phone before hanging up, leaving you and Rowan alone together. 

Before she could get a word out, you speak first, “Ready to talk about it?” 

She nods and you gesture for her to join you in bed. After the events at the hospital and ample time apart, you were ready to put this issue to rest. You wanted your best friend back. 

Rowan sits at the end of the bed, knees to her chest as she leans back against the bedpost. Her eyes remained downcast as she spoke mournfully, “I shouldn’t have gone behind your back. After everything happened, I- I couldn’t tell you... I didn’t know how. And- It’s over... Me and her...”

“Are you really? Or will this be an on-again off-again thing?” You were skeptical of her relationship ending with Marilyn. After all, they had ‘ended things’ after she ended her reign of terror on Nevermore. While your relationship with Rowan had always been no bars held, it was difficult confronting her about this. Rowan had been through enough loss and heartbreak in her life and you weren’t interested in adding to the pile. 

“It’s over. You, Larissa, the girls... You’ll never have to worry about being hurt.” Rowan wouldn’t look at you and you could see the glimmer of tears as they ran down her cheek. Whatever had happened between the two of them, you felt guilty you hadn’t been there for Rowan. Regardless of how she held secrets from you, she was still one of your most treasured friends. As she continued speaking, it was harder for her to hide the incoming wave of sobs that shook her chest, “I- I think I tried fixing her, but there was nothing I-I could fix.”

“Oh, Ro... C’mere..” You tried to hold back the tears as you watched her fall apart. The only thing you could offer was your open arms which she accepted immediately. Rowan fell into your arms, resting her face on your chest as she allowed the tears to fall onto your pajama shirt. 

“I’m s-sorry.” Rowan croaked.

“It’s.. It’s nothing time can’t fix.” You stopped yourself from telling her ‘it’s okay’. None of what happened was okay. With mutual effort and time, there was no doubt in your mind your friendship could strengthen and grow past this breach of trust. Rowan was remorseful, that you knew. When her cries finally died down, you offered her a pick-me-up, “Would you like to meet the girls?”

“Really?” Rowan perked up a bit, brushing the tears from her face.

“Yes of course. They need to meet Auntie Ro.” You brush some of Rowan’s hair behind her ear and put on a kind, teasing tone, hoping it can bring her from her despair, “Chris and Larissa are with them right now.”

You walk with Rowan down the hall and push open the door to the girl’s room. Chris sat in a rocking chair with Violet bound in her arms while Larissa paced back and forth holding Althea. Each time you observed Larissa with one of the girls, you felt as though you could die from the overwhelming amount of love within you. It wasn’t hard convincing Chris to hand over Violet to Rowan as she claimed she was plagued with ‘mom arm’ from holding her for too long. Once Rowan took a seat with the child, she was completely enamored. 

“I love her. I’ve never loved something more. Besides this one right here of course. Oh, we are going to get into so much mischief, you girls and I.” The vampire cooed to Violet and gestured to Althea who rested in Larissa’s grasp. Rowan had never been a fan of young children, especially babies, but the way she cradled Violet let you know she had changed her opinion. She reached a finger to stroke the baby’s cheek, her gaze never leaving the infant's face. 

Larissa was happy to have Rowan there, but she immediately reverted into Momma Bear mode at the thought of any troublesome activities with her children at any stage of their lives, “No mischief. I don’t need either of them getting hurt.”

“Oh, scraped knees and bruises build character... and make good stories.” Chris chimed, folding her arms over her chest and leaning back into her chair. 

“Mother! Really? You of all people~” As Larissa laid into her mother, you tuned the both of them out, opting for nostalgic thoughts instead. As Chris started in on her own scolding of her daughter, Larissa shot you a look of annoyance that faded when she saw the adoration on your face. In this moment, you had it all. You raised your brows at her and offered a smile which she couldn’t help but return. A wonderful partner, your best friend back, lovely little twins. After all of the chaos and heartache from the past two years, it was finally time to settle down with your loved ones and live the life you deserved. 

EVERYONE IS HAPPY. THE END. SUCK IT. GOODNIGHT.

[lorkai]

 A/N: Yesterday was the last day of the asexual week and I knew I had to hurry to finish this oneshot in time. First because this has been in my drafts for months and second because I genuinely love his and Yuu's friendship, it's so cute and I hope we see more of that in chapter 7.

Warning: Fluff mostly, asexual and gender neutral!reader, first time writing for Malleus, he might be occ, also proofread only one time. Lemme know if there’s a typo pls! 

 --- Tagging: @rainiishowers @astershere @jabberwockk ​

When your chest heaved with uncertainty the only thing you could do was walk until your thoughts cleared, an attentive mind was what would keep you alive in this place after all. And since you arrived in Twisted Wonderland this has happened much more often, anxiety and fear consuming you at being in a totally unknown world and completely without a way to fight those idiots. They had magic while you only had a grumpy fire-breathing cat and your own fists.

It wasn't much, but it was enough for you to be able to snatch the magic pen from their hand and fight. And fighting was the only thing you could do to have a roof over your head and enough money to survive, even though Crowley made you work until your body was as heavy as lead and your mind was about to shut off from the world. Unsurprisingly, today was a day where you ran around, did your homework, took care of your three idiots, and did Crowley's job.

And there was only one problem. You couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight except for the things that awaited you in the morning, tasks that weren't yours but that you had to complete to receive enough Madols to continue living.

Or fight an overblot student, as this has become frequent.

The weather was hot, making you roll from one side of the bed to the other and sometimes face Grimm on his side of the bed, purring, sometimes muttering something you didn't understand. The sound of him purring would put you to sleep most nights, but today it just didn't work. Even scrolling through posts didn't work and counting sheep was a little too childish for you to consider the thought.

Tired of the restless hours and the heat, you got up and left the room. You intended to eat ice cream or whatever you had in the fridge and try to study for the exams that were almost there, even though you knew that tomorrow you would need energy and willingness to get through the day. You held back a sigh, imagining the things you'd fix once you got Crowley's generous allowance, maybe you'd buy a new sofa as the current one was falling apart. But looking up you decided it would be better to fix the roof, slight leaks were forming and you had already scraped both your knees from so many times you had slipped in puddles of water while walking in a hurry.

  The ghosts were starting to place bets on how much it would take for you to get seriously hurt, and while they were laughing at the situation, they were also careful to try and catch you before you fell - which again didn't work, as they were ghosts and couldn't touch you physically.

“Awake at this hour, child?” The ghost floated past you as if waiting for the right moment to snap you out of your melancholy thoughts, but also with the mischievous air of someone who intended to scare you. The smile on his face was all you needed to know to realize it and he laughed softly. “Try drinking hot milk to relax. I remember my mother always giving me milk with honey when I was just a little kid, I miss those days.”

But you denied it, indifferently.

"I'm going to eat ice cream." You told him, stretching. You considered drinking iced milk for a moment before dismissing the idea, Grimm would go crazy if he didn't have milk to drink in the morning and you weren't even that fond of it.

“Oh well, I don't think it's good… Hm? Oh, he's there again?" The ghost muttered and broke off, turning toward the window as if he'd heard something you hadn't. Surreptitiously he approached the window to spy something outside that had caught his attention, his gestures were careful and thoughtful as it seemed that he didn't want to be seen by whoever was outside. And curious, you approached him and looked too, but at first you didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "It is so strange. He always shows up at this time and wanders around outside, sometimes humming, sometimes playing his game. Formerly he even dared to enter here. I find it so lonely. Anyway, go to sleep, child, I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning. Goodnight."

And just as he suddenly appeared, the ghost disappeared through the walls. But the doubt was already in your head and ignoring all your common sense you opened the door and the urge to eat ice cream, and ventured against the gusts of dry wind and the persistent heat. You didn't care so much about the lack of an air conditioner anymore, but Crowley could be generous enough to give you a fan at least. And it almost made your tired mind laugh. If he had the option to continue procrastinating he would do so without a shadow of a doubt.

The tall grass was at your ankles and the sensation would almost tickle you if it weren't irritating, you analyzed the scenery in front of you meticulously trying to see what lurked in the dark of the night and only then noticed the person resting under the old willow tree. The black and green uniform managed to camouflage him between the tall trees and the dark of a moonless night, if you didn't know what you were looking for then you certainly wouldn't notice him there, but you noticed him and you decided to approach him with carefree steps. Perhaps the lack of sleep made you dumber than you already were. But you've faced greater dangers than just a guy sitting on the grass in your dorm.

And what could he do? You asked with a silent laugh.

  He didn't seem capable of hurting anyone, though his face grew serious with every step you took towards him. But that didn't stop you as you imagined the reasons he would be there, at that time. Maybe he also had trouble sleeping at night or just went out to clear his head like you did sometimes, as the ghost said he was definitely humming something, though your human ears were unable to capture the beauty of the sound until it was too late and he has stopped humming.

Or maybe, the ironic thought raced through your brain, you had finally reached a deep exhaustion and were creating a person in your mind that you could talk to normally. It was ironic that the NRC therapist needed another therapist.

  His green eyes were mesmerizing and tinged with danger. But what caught your attention the most were the prominent horns sticking out of his head and how you wanted to touch them. You didn't doubt for a second that they were real, after all the encounter with Leona, the dorm leader of Savanaclaw, who had the ears and tail of a lion was still fresh in your memory. And you refrained from touching them without permission, smiling as you crouched in front of him, a few feet away.

“Um, are you okay? What are you doing here?" you asked, running your eyes over his body to make sure you didn't see any apparent injuries. Sighing, you concluded that he must have gone there for another reason when all he did was smile as if he was amused at something, his eyes twinkling in an odd way. You scratched your neck like you didn't know how to react to that, Twisted Wonderland was really testing your limits to be proactive and know how to act with every awkward situation thrown your way.

  He denied. “This is a surprise. You're a child of man, aren't you?”

You shrugged, laughing softly at the nickname he'd bestowed on you. Despite the strangeness you could see that he really wouldn't do you any harm.

“So this derelict dorm that I've taken as my own for all this time actually has a new owner after all, it's a shame. I really wish I had a place where I could enjoy the silence.” Malleus shifted and sat cross-legged as he stared at a fixed point lost in the darkness. To you he seemed to be lost in thought, he didn't even blink when you waved your hand in front of his face. But the fae paid attention to your gestures, studied them, and found it funny how you acted with concern rather than fear.

A lonely smile played across his face while he thought about how other people would be running and profusely apologizing for interrupting him during his rest, how they feared him simply because he was more powerful than they were. But there is no power without humility and he would never do anything against people without having a reason to do so. "If this dorm is no longer abandoned I should find another place for my next night outing, I guess this is my cue to say goodbye then, child of man."

The boy in front of you got up and straightened his robes. He looked ready to leave and perhaps it was best to leave him, as your experiences with all the inhabitants of Twisted Wonderland had been interesting, to say the least, but dangerous. However, you held his hand on impulse, probably because he looked familiar to you. It reminded you of a certain mystical being that brought you comfort as you explored the world and sought to understand who you were.

"Or you can keep coming." You offered and he was considering the offer, and you noticed how he was weighing the pros and cons equally as he straightened his gloves and dusted off his uniform. "Only me and my grumpy cat live here, so it wouldn't be a problem if you joined us once in a while."

“You have no knowledge of who I am, do you, child of man?” Was his immediate response, circling you in slow steps as he watched confusion paint your face. The air around him told you he'd already made his decision before he'd even said it aloud, that the confidence in his smile and the soft way his eyes gleamed heralded the start of something interesting. “Do you not fear me? Aren't you afraid that I might do something to you?”

You suppressed a laugh and slapped his arm in a friendly gesture. “Of course I do, I'm not that innocent and I've had some problems since I got here. But with every passing second it's hard to be scared when all I'm thinking about is whether I can touch your horns or not." You said it sincerely. You raised your hands in the air, but you waited for some kind of positive reaction to your comment so you could actually do that. “I don't know if this sounds weird but you remind me of a dragon. I think it's because of the horns and you know, dragons are important symbols for people like me. It reminds me of home, at least.”

Suddenly, Malleus doubled over with laughter and it was more than obvious that he hadn't expected that heartfelt answer. He was a strange guy, you supposed, but at least his laugh was merry and it took most of your tiredness away easily and you joined him in laughing, a soft, genuine laugh influenced by his glee.

“You amuse me, child of man.” He actually declared. "May I ask you a question?"

You nodded, moving your hand to emphasize that he had permission to do so. You shifted your weight from one leg to the other as you waited for him to collect his thoughts and ask the question he seemed to want to ask, you suppressed a laugh as the grass hit your ankles again and focused your attention on his green eyes.

“When you say dragons are important symbols for people like you, what do you mean?” It was a genuine question that anyone could have, but you always answered it in a clumsy way because for some people it didn't make sense and they were rude when they expressed their opinions camouflaged with prejudice on the subject. It would be a shame if the boy in front of you was one of those people, but you could see a special glint in his eye and you were pretty sure that wasn't the case.

"It's a bit of a long story." You said turning towards your dorm, not caring about the time or the hot weather that still bothered you. “Mind if we talk while we eat ice cream?”

For someone his size, Malleus nearly jumped and let out a squeal of excitement at the invitation. But he regained his composure quickly and hid what he felt behind a forced, loud cough, finally agreeing to escort you into the dorm so you could chat some more while enjoying a good old-fashioned ice cream. It was easy to tell it was his favorite dessert from the way he was almost floating down the stairs to the door, a shy little smile on his lips.

If he'd noticed how old everything was, he'd been kind enough not to mention it in front of you, escorting you into the kitchen to watch the careful way you poured two bowls of ice cream and hummed a tune he didn't know.

“Here it is, hope you like it!” You handed him a bowl of ice cream, smiling. And he thanked you with a polite nod, pushing his long hair behind his ear before eating the delicious dessert. “My name is Yuu, by the way. What is your name?"

The boy in front of you laughed once more before giving you an enigmatic look. “I prefer that you remain without that knowledge. You see, it's for your own good, I assure you. However, I grant you permission to give me a nickname.”

Granted, the toothless human version could be a little eccentric, but you looked at it through a more optimistic lens and thought of various puns on dragons and their names. Tiamat, Sunfyre, Toothless and many other names, but you ended up choosing the nickname Tsunotaro. In your head it made complete sense, at least and suited him.

"Well, as promised I'll tell you why dragons are important." You left your ice cream bowl on the sink as you came to sit on the counter, standing at the same height as Tsunotaro. The common nervousness and anxiety of coming out tickled your belly, but at that point you already knew how to handle it and took a deep breath. “There’s a thing called asexuality, it is a sexuality characterized by a lack of attraction and a desire to, umm, have intimate relationships with someone. Some asexual people like to cuddle and kiss and be in romantic relationships and situations. Other people may not be interested in any of this either, it varies greatly from person to person. Got the general idea?”

Tsunotaro nodded, still eating his ice cream slowly savoring all its flavors and listening to every word you said with great interest.

“Well, as we were little seen and understood by society we kind of associate asexuality with dragons. They don't exist in the world I come from, but I've always taken comfort in the thought of them, as they are so free and big and strong and happy." You smiled with the memories of your past. How you spent hours drawing messy dragons in your notebooks or making plans to invade Denmark while eating garlic bread. Those were the happiest and loneliest days, mainly because you hadn't had the opportunity to meet many people like you or who fully understood your expectations and fears. “You reminded me of a dragon because of your horns. I hope you don't find this too strange or offensive."

Tsunotaro, however, waved his hand away to dismiss your worried thought. “You are certainly not wrong, child of man, since in part I am a dragon, yes. With a pair of horns and a tail, and if I wanted I could take the full form of a dragon, so I'm flattered to think that thousands of people adore my kind and feel safe and happy when they think of us.”

He smiled. A relaxed, happy smile as he leaned his back against the counter you sat on, the silence that fell between the two of you was the comfortable kind. Almost as if two good old friends had been reunited after a long time apart. "You... You can touch them if you still want to, fufu." he said suddenly, lowering his head and peering in your direction with one of his emerald eyes.

But you hesitated. You had just met him and it felt so strange to touch his horns all of a sudden, but when you looked at him and realized he was serious and he really didn't care, you touched them. From base to tip, feeling the texture and trying to remember if you've ever touched anything that looked like this.

Unbelieving that a sleepless night made you befriend a half dragon, you look into Tsunotaro's face intently and study each expression carefully. How he shivers at the chills running down his spine when you hold his horns, how he closes his eyes and sighs when you massage them. As he goes silent, you decide to go ahead with it. It's so weird, but it's so interesting at the same time. Despite their appearance, they are soft and warm to the touch and he seems to enjoy having his horns massaged like that. The relaxed expression he wears makes you laugh, it's almost like petting a kitten and watching its reactions. He's cute like that.

"You know, I believe we'll be good friends." You mumble softly. At the very least, you hope that after all this the two of you can be friends, as he seemed like someone genuinely nice to spend time with.

The sweet sound of his laughter echoed through the kitchen as he looked at you. "I'd love it if we were friends, child of man. Could you tell me more about asexuality?"

You nodded enthusiastically, feeling really welcomed and comfortable. And for the rest of the night you and he were talking about it, making jokes and puns and just having fun.

And that was the story of how you met Malleus Draconia. For people who would like a more elaborate and challenging plot this could be a rather ordinary and boring story, but for him and for you it was a pleasant story and full of good memories. A story of a dragon and his ace friend.

[angelasscribbles]

The Agreement Chapter 3: Denial

Series: The Agreement

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Riley x Liam, Riley x Drake, Liam x Madeleine

Rating: MA

Warnings for this chapter: Mature themes

Word Count: 2,019

A/N: Ok, I know, I know. Chapter 1 could have stood alone, chapter 2 could have as well. But ya'll know I have to go through some drama on it. 🙈

My other stuff: Master List.

The first few weeks after Riley hadn’t shown up to take him up on his offer, Liam had busied himself with work, telling himself that it was for the best. Cordonia didn’t deserve to suffer because of his personal feelings. He didn’t want his son to suffer through his parents’ divorce. She had made the right decision for both of them, he couldn’t divorce Madeleine and Drake really could give her everything that he couldn’t. He just wanted her to be happy.

But as weeks turned into months, doubt and grief crept into his heart. How could it be for the best? He loved her. She loved him. He did want her to be happy, but he wanted her to be happy with him. He could make her happy, he had made her happy. Hadn’t he? What had gone wrong?

She’d been happy before, hadn’t she?

Drake leaned forward, his voice rising a little with anger, “You didn’t see her all those times you promised to show, and didn’t! I did and it was fucking heartbreaking!”

Had he missed something important? She’d always seemed happy when they were together. But of course she was. They were always happiest together.

“I got your invitation for a rousing game of maze tag, Your Majesty. Is this where I RSVP?”

Liam’s face lit up, “Riley, you made it!”

“Of course, I did! I had to beg off Madeleine’s tea party with a headache. But there’s nowhere else I’d rather be than here, with you.”

He smiled at the memory of her running, barefoot and shrieking with laughter, though the maze that day, both of them reliving the night of the Masquerade ball.

He had tried to do the best he could with what life had handed them.

“You like it?” Liam held his breath as he waited for her answer.

Riley’s eyes were wide as she took in the palace roof covered in thousands of twinkle lights, a elegantly set table and champagne chilling in a bucket. “Liam, it’s beautiful! I love it! You did all this?”

“It was nothing.” He scoffed, “You deserve to be wined and dined in the best restaurants in the world. Sadly, this is the best I could do.”

He hated that he had to ask her to hide.

She took his hand, “Don’t be sorry. This is amazing, you’re amazing. I love it, and I love you!”

Indeed, the moments he was able to carve out with her had been the only moments he had been happy at all. He wasn’t happy when they weren’t together. Far from it. Busy, yes. Smiling for his public image, yes. But happy? No.

He went about his daily business like a normal person, but there was a low level anxiety always buzzing in the back of his mind. A deeply penetrating sadness that he carried everywhere with him.

“Your Majesty? Are you ok?”

“What?” He pulled his head up and blinked. Bertrand was staring at him with a worried expression on his face. Liam sighed as he reached for the bourbon, “I’m fine. Just tired.”

It was a lie, he was heartbroken and had been since he’d realized he’d be forced to marry for duty, and to let the love of his life go.

“Her name hasn’t been cleared and the wedding is in two days.” Leo said, “What are you going to do?”

Liam shook his head, trying to deny what he knew had to be done, “There’s still time, he could come forward…”

“Liam…”

The room felt stifling as he tugged at his tie. He couldn’t breathe, he needed to sit down. The room had started to spin a little. He ripped the tie off and tossed it to the floor then his fingers began to fumble at the buttons of his shirt. Sweat beaded his forehead as he collapsed into a chair.

He leaned forward, placing his head between his legs as he took deep, gulping breathes. Tears stood in his eyes when he finally lifted his head, “I don’t know if I can do this….”

The wedding had been torture. The honeymoon had been torture.

He’d been home less than an hour before he was in her room, wrapped up in her arms. Tears fell freely from both of their eyes as they held each other. Vows were exchanged, unkeepable promises murmured in the dark as their bodies twined together.

“I missed you so much, I’ll never go that long without seeing you again!”

He had meant every promise he’d ever made her. But his duties and commitments had intervened. Life had intervened. Cordonia had intervened.

“Turn left.”

“Your Majesty? The palace is to the right.”

“I know. We’re going to Valtoria. I have…..business there.”

His personal assistant stared at him like he’d grown a second head, “You’ve barely slept in a week! You need rest!”

It was true. He’d been embroiled in a delicate matter of state that had kept him from home for the last three months. Tensions had been high, and war had narrowly been avoided. He had been burning the candle at both ends, but he couldn’t go home without seeing her first.

“Turn left. What I need is at Valtoria.”

It had only gotten worse after the birth of his child.

Liam burst through the door, “I’m so sorry I’m late! Alexander is teething and will only use one particular teether. It got lost and I had to….Riley, oh love, have you been crying?”

She wiped at her cheeks as she stood up with a smile, “It’s ok, it’s fine, you’re here now.”

Perhaps it had been a mistake to hide his pain from her. He had wanted what little time they Had together to be happy, so he had minimized or dismissed the pain and loneliness he felt during their time apart. Had she done the same?

“You didn’t see her all those times you promised to show, and didn’t! I did and it was fucking heartbreaking!”

Perhaps he had become complacent. Perhaps he had willfully missed her pain because he felt helpless to do anything about it.

He understood she was hurt. He understood she was angry. He understood why she hadn’t shown up that night. But what he couldn’t believe was that she was really done with him.

She was angry, she was hurt. Drake had dropped a huge ultimatum on her. Her not showing up at the palace that night didn’t mean they were over, just that she hadn’t wanted to lose Drake. She felt like she owed him something, he had been a good friend to her. She was confused, torn. He understood. She would come to her senses soon and return to Cordonia, to him. They would be together again; he was certain of it. Her place in his heart was the only thing in life he was always certain of.

“You and I will never be over, Riley!”

He happened upon the Instagram post by accident. He didn’t really do social media. The communications office handled his official twitter and Instagram accounts. But he kept a secondary, small, private account to keep up with his closest friends and family. It was how he always knew where Leo was, usually after the fact, as Leo himself was an infrequent updater.

He only opened the app on special occasions, to see the Christmas or Easter photos. But he happened to be looking at his phone when the notification from Max popped up, the scroll at the top of his screen caught his eye, “You were a beautiful bride, again @rileywalker.”

Liam’s brows drew together in puzzlement as he tapped the notification. His eyes widened as he scrolled through Max’s Instagram posts. Riley and Drake at the ranch in Texas. He had already known they were still in Texas; the king’s guard would have alerted him if they had returned to the country, per his instructions. He was trying to give her time, give her space.

But he hadn’t known they were planning a recommitment ceremony. What the hell? He scrolled through the photos, their vow renewal looked like a wedding. A real one. The adoration in Drake’s eyes was no surprise, but the reciprocal look in Riley’s delivered a stunning blow to his heart. He felt his chest tighten and it became a little harder to breathe. This couldn’t be happening.

She just needed time, a break, she loved him, didn’t she? Had he been wrong about that? He knew how he felt about her. She was the only thing that had kept him going for the last six years. She was the reason he breathed, the reason he got out of bed in the morning, she was the only reason he could go through the motions of being the perfect king, husband, father. Because she was always there, in the back of his mind, in the front of his heart.

But had he made sure she understood that?

He scrolled impatiently through the rest of Max’s photos, and there were so many of them. The food, the decorations, plenty of photos of his nephews Bartie and Atticus, the farm animals, the ceremony itself, the dancing afterwards. The airplane ride there, the rental car, every stop they’d made along the way. He needed more photos of the happy couple themselves, more information. What was going on? Why were they renewing their vows?

Because the first time hadn’t been real.

He tried to squash the rising panic, the sickening feeling rising in his chest, the ball of lead that formed in the pit of his stomach. She was really in love with Drake?

Of course, she is. What have you given her?

He flipped quickly through everyone else’s accounts. Neither Riley nor Drake has posted anything at all. Why was that? Bertrand had posted a single photo along with a formal congratulations.

He navigated to Savannah’s page.

His heart stopped.

“Super excited to be an auntie! Congratulations to you both (and it’s about damn time, lol)!” Drake and Riley were tagged in it.

Darkness clouded the edges of his vision, a loud ringing filled his ears, his heart jumped irregularly, he rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on his pants.

Riley was pregnant?

“You said next year last year, Liam!” She stared at him with accusation and hurt in her eyes.

“I know, love, I know, and I want a baby with you! I promise I do, but right now just isn’t a good time! The Cordonian Star just ran that article about us less than a month ago! A pregnancy now will only add fuel to the fire! Cause more speculation! Maybe in a few months, after things calm down-“

“It’s never a good time, Liam!”

“Riley please….”

“Just go, Liam.”

A child had always been a dream of theirs, a promise of a life and a future together.

A promise he had not delivered on.

There had always been reasons, but maybe those reasons hadn’t been good enough. Maybe his adherence to propriety and public image had cost him the only thing in life he had ever wanted, needed, for himself.

A thought plucked at his consciousness, a tiny flicker of hope that, as he focused on it, grew into realization and then a certainty.

The idea of her pregnant with Drake’s child ate at him like battery acid, it corroded his insides and pierced his heart…..but what if the baby was his?

What if the reason they hadn’t come home yet was because she was afraid of his reaction? Afraid to tell him, because it was unplanned? Hope struggled to life inside his chest.

It made sense.

They had argued and she’d run away with Drake in a momentary fit of pique. Once in Texas, she’d realized she was pregnant and panicked, unsure of his reaction because of his hesitancy to commit to fatherhood with her, their argument and her seeming rejection of him. She wanted to come back, she was just hurt, scared and maybe still a little angry.

Those were all things he could fix.

He just needed her to come home.

[elliaze]

GODS WARRIOR - CHAPTER ELEVEN

A/N: Guess who’s back. I’m a little ashamed that it took me that much time. When I stopped publishing this story I had a good reason - I just didn’t have enough time and it was really rough months for me. But I am back now. I don’t know if someone is still interested in this story but I am gonna finish it. 

Bold it's Steven, italics are reader thoughts

Pairings: Steven Grant x fem!reader x Marc Spector

Warnings: age gape and my english as i’m not a native speaker

Words Count: 3100

MASTERLIST

CAIRO

SOMEONE GRUNTED. 

Y/N turned around in surprise and saw the same man that Marc had greeted earlier. She quickly realised that he was the owner of the hotel and suspected that the medicine cabinet in the bathroom was there for a reason. 

“So you're his new girlfriend?” He asked with amusement, and she furrowed her eyebrows. “You have to admit that Marc is really handsome.” 

“I'm sorry” she snorted cheerfully. “I'm not his girlfriend.  We work together. Besides, Marc has a wife, so that's reason enough to behave only professionally.” 

“So you know about Layla,” he murmured with satisfaction. “By the way, where are my manners? I'm Amir and you must be Y/N.” 

The man introduced himself and held out his hand. She took it with hesitation and surprise that he knew her name. She hadn't expected Marc to decide to mention anything about her. 

“That's right,” she nodded. “How long have you known him?” 

“It will be a good few years now,” he revealed without reluctance. “Have you been in Cairo before?”

“No, this is my first time. As much as I would like to explore the city, this is not my priority.” 

“Everyone should find time to visit Cairo” he winked at her. “Marc is probably lying unconscious by now, so you should make the most of the time. If you want, I'll be happy to show you around.” 

“How do you know Marc is drunk?” 

Amir laughed cheerfully, tilting his head back. He put his hand to his chest and then looked at her with amusement. 

“It's always like that,” he replied. “Whatever you have to do, you should take advantage of it.” 

“Actually, I was going to go into town anyway, but my original idea was to find someone who could give me some information.” 

“Dear, if you're looking for information, I'd be happy to help you. The locals don't really like to talk to visitors. So, how about a little sightseeing tour combined with work?”

Y/N was coming to the conclusion that she had nothing to lose anyway. She knew nothing about Cairo and suspected that she would sooner be lost on a straight road than manage to gather any useful information. Besides, she believed Amir might have been right when he said that visitors were not welcome when they started asking about things. This always caused anxiety and attracted undue interest. She had no idea whether she should trust Amir, but she felt that if it was somehow Spector doing it, then so could she. 

She waved her hand and smiled at the man. “I agree, but I say right away that I know how to defend myself.”

“Lion hearted girl” he said with amusement. “Let's go, I'll lead you to exactly where you need to be.” 

A few minutes later, they were both walking through the streets of Cairo. Y/N listened intently to what he was telling her about the city, and could not get out of her mind when she heard some of the facts. A few times she even managed to take pictures, which she knew she would print as soon as she returned to England. At one point, she even took a selfie with Amir and regretted that she couldn't send any of the pictures to her mum to show how much fun she was having. 

She couldn't remember when she had laughed so much at someone's jokes as she had at the ones Amir had told her. 

“...And he later jumped off the roof. Of course, everyone almost had a heart attack, and when he suddenly floated through the air, no one completely knew what was happening. It turned out that he had set up a trampoline at the bottom, but he didn't tell anyone about it. He figured it would be a good idea for a joke” Amir finished telling one of his stories, and she had to stop for a moment. She clutched her stomach with one hand and propped herself up against the man's shoulder with the other. 

“I can't” she choked out with difficulty, wiping her cheeks of tears. “It all must have looked so much better in person.” 

“I feel sorry for your parents.”

Amir laughed, shaking his head. 

“It wasn't that bad, thankfully,” he replied and moved his eyebrows playfully, which sent Y/N into another laughter attack. 

“Please stop, really! Otherwise, you'll be picking me off the floor, and they'll write on my tombstone that I died laughing.” 

“Then I'll be sure to drop by your funeral and drink your toast.”

He poked her with his shoulder, and then they looked at each other meaningfully and laughed together. This time, however, they calmed down rather quickly, and Amir pointed with his head to the entrance of the market. The alley they found themselves in was narrow and crowded. On either side of it were stalls selling all sorts of products. There was almost everything from food and fresh-smelling spices, to antiques and clothes, all kinds of gadgets for the home, jewellery, or the typical tourist souvenirs. 

Amir stepped forward, stood literally at the entrance gate and raised his hands in the air. 

“Y/N, welcome to Khan el-Khalili,” he said with a broad smile. “A place where you will find almost everything your heart desires. And most importantly” Amir interrupted and put his arm around her waist, leaning into her ear. “You will find information here.” 

Y/N looked at him with satisfaction. She was excited because she felt that maybe with this place she could move forward in some way. Maybe she wasn't in such a hopeless situation after all, as she had thought just a few hours earlier. 

“How are we going to do this?” 

“No one will tell you anything, dear. As I mentioned to you earlier, the locals are quite distrustful, but fortunately you have me. Just tell me who you're looking for, or what, and I'll try to find out.” 

“Arthur Harrow” she said his name with visible disgust. “I need to know where he is.” 

“You say it and you have it” Amir let go of her eyes and then grabbed her hand and pulled her deeper into the market. 

Y/N saw for herself that he was right when he told her that no one trusts visitors. Whenever she tried to interject into the conversation, people would almost immediately fall silent and exhort more customers to buy their products. She decided to leave it to Amir after all. She walked behind him, but when it came to the conversation, she pretended to look at the displays at the nearest stall and tried to overhear what they were talking about. In the end, she didn't know whether Amir was actually trying to fool her in any way, but listening in on his conversations was more difficult than she might have suspected, as they were talking in Arabic, and she didn't understand a word of it. 

She decided to take advantage of the time and stock up on a small souvenir. Admittedly, it could hardly be called a trip, as she had so many things on her list that she wanted to see in Cairo and couldn't. However, she decided that even if she wasn't here for her own pleasure, she needed to have something to remind her of being here. She browsed through various souvenirs, but nothing of interest caught her eye until she saw a stall selling scarves. Such colourful accessories in one place, she had ever seen before. Scarves in all sorts of shades and patterns, made of fabrics that were so nice and pleasant to the touch that they themselves beckoned her to get her hands on them. She reached for one of them in a light beige shade when Amir appeared beside her. 

“You should buy it,” he stated blithely. “It will suit you and accentuate the colour of your incredibly Y/E/C eyes.” 

She almost choked for air when she heard this, blushing visibly at the same time. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“You should buy it,” he repeated with a feisty smile. “If it's not because you have beautiful eyes, it's because I've learned something. It's not a lot of information, but I think you might find it useful.” 

Y/N's eyes widened almost immediately. She let the beige cloth out of her hands and grabbed him by the forearm, pulling him aside. 

“Tell me immediately.” 

“The man you are looking for is not in Cairo,” he confessed immediately, and then lifted his other hand up, in which he held a small piece of paper. “He is in the desert, but I have the name of the person who knows his exact location. I have a feeling, by the way, that you got yourself into quite a mess, because I practically forcibly extracted this information. Nobody wanted to talk.”

She picked up a piece of paper and read a few times the details of the person who knew where Harrow was staying. She couldn't believe her luck, because at first she wasn't convinced she'd be able to find out anything today. She was proud of herself and was already looking forward to telling Marc the good news. 

When she returned to the room, Marc was already awake. He was fully dressed and talking to Khonshu as if nothing had happened. God was sitting on a table in the corner of the room and leaning his head forward to somehow fit in. 

“Okay, if I didn't know things like this could be normal, I'd consider them creepy,” she said cheerfully, closing the door behind her. Marc sent her a cold look, and she felt like sighing. 

“Where have you been?” He asked reproachfully. 

“Out of the town,” she replied loosely, lounging on the bed. “I was doing some research.” 

“So the Greeks are still choosing sensible individuals,” Khonshu spoke up for the first time. Y/N felt an unexpected shiver run through her body, although she didn't quite understand for what reason. She had seen and heard the Egyptian deity before, but now it all seemed more real. 

“Thank you!” Y/N smiled with satisfaction. “Poseidon mentioned you in all superlatives. For a moment, I even felt jealous.” 

The deity muttered, and she concluded that maybe it was something like laughter. She found it hard to pinpoint it all, as she had already realised that the Egyptian gods communicated quite differently. While Poseidon materialised in front of her in fully human form every time, Khonshu still had a bird skull instead of a head and was several metres taller than a normal human being. 

“I didn't think they would be interested in what I was telling them.” 

“Apparently Zeus was quite concerned about it,” she announced calmly. “You know how he loves people and doesn't want them to come to unnecessary harm.”

“Am I disturbing you?” Marc interjected in the conversation, moving his hand and pointing to the space that separated all three of them. “Can we get back to why you went anywhere? And how you” this time he looked evidently at her “can you talk to him?”

Marc pointed his finger at Khonshu.

“I've already told you that I'm not an avatar like you,” she reminded him. “The Olympians have given me various abilities, but the most important ones are those that make me able to sense and see anything that is divine or supernatural.” 

“That's true,” agreed Khonshu, but Marc still didn't look convinced. “They  operate differently than we do. They are much more interested in the fate of people than the Ennead.” 

“Besides, what was I supposed to do when you were sober?” 

“I wasn't drunk,” he interjected, but was quickly ignored. 

“Was I supposed to wait for any information to magically appear in front of the window?” She looked at Marc, but didn't even wait for an answer. She clapped her hands and reached into the pocket of her backpack, from which she pulled out a small card, the same one Amir had obtained for her. “Harrow is not in the city. He is in the desert and I assume he is slowly approaching Ammit's tomb. However, here is the name of the person who knows his location. And an address where we can find him.” 

Marc's gaze betrayed nothing, but he furrowed his brow and looked visibly surprised. For a moment, Y/N felt really proud of what she had achieved. And although it didn't really matter to her what Spector thought of her, it was...

Okay, that's bullshit. Who am I kidding? 

Marc took the piece of paper from her and read it a few times before looking at her again. 

“How did you get it?”

“Amir helped me,” she explained simply. “You've got a great mate, by the way. I haven't laughed so much in a long time. And rest assured, I didn't tell him anything important. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have managed to find out anything, because the locals didn't want to talk to me unless it was about possibly buying their products.” 

“Poseidon made a good choice,” Khonshu announced unexpectedly, leaning forward towards her. “I feel there's something special about you, girl,” he then turned directly to Marc. “Find Harrow before he gets to Ammit.”

And then he disappeared.

☾☾☾

That night, Marc had trouble sleeping. 

Although, it was hard to say that it was anything out of the ordinary. The nightmares wouldn't go away, reminding him of unpleasant events and only when he managed to fall asleep. In any other case, he completed more tasks from Khonshu only for an unconscious Steven to return to his life the next day. He preferred it that way all the time. Then he wouldn't have to listen to Steven complain, and he could do his job in peace. And now, it had all, just like that, gone down like a house of cards. 

Marc rolled over onto his side, readjusted the couch cushion and put his arms across his chest. It wasn't the best position or place to sleep, but he wasn't complaining. Personally, he had spent the night in far worse conditions in his life, and he was not ruthless enough to condemn Y/N to sleeping on the couch. 

He looked at the wall with the window, and bright light streamed into the room through the slightly parted curtains, creating a path up to the bed where she was sleeping peacefully. As he turned his attention to her, he saw how the moonlight illuminated her entire figure almost perfectly, making it feel as if it was the brightness itself emanating from her. She was lying on her back, her legs turned over to the right side of the bed. There was a thin duvet between her knees, which did not even cover a small part of her body, but only highlighted her exposed legs in pyjama shorts. The T-shirt had rolled up slightly, and she held one hand on her stomach as the other lay just beside her head. Her hair was scattered all over the pillow, and she was in a deep sleep. Her chest was floating up and down evenly, and the gentle smile that was discernible on her face showed that she was dreaming something pleasant. She looked...

She looks beautiful.

Steven whispered, rather unaware that he had said it out loud and Marc was able to hear it in his head.

Spector sighed heavily, not expecting that his alter was still conscious. When he looked at his reflection in the mirror, he saw Steven watching the sleeping girl with fascination and almost love in his eyes. He had the feeling that he had never seen such a direct and sincere look before.

“Don't stare,” muttered Marc quietly, turning directly to his reflection in the mirror. “You're acting like a stalker.” 

I'm sorry, but I'm not the one who screened her entire past. I may have been unaware at the time you did, but I heard your conversation in my flat exactly. And you're a hypocrite to think I didn't notice you looking at her yourself....

“And what are you jealous of? Are you in love or what?”

Well... I like her, it's true. She's nice to me.

Marc parried.

“She's nice,” he teased him. “Dude, she's at the gods every call. Didn't you think about the fact that maybe that's what she's after? She'll find that magic dagger of hers and disappear, just as quickly as she appeared. That's the only reason she's interested in you.” 

Just because you have some trust issues doesn't mean everyone does. 

“We're not talking about me, we're talking about your puppy crush,” Marc said, ignoring Steven's earlier words. Grant rolled his eyes in the mirror. “Besides, she is barely twenty-eight. And we are” he made a motion with his hand, pointing to himself and his alter. “Thirty-seven. Not that I'm reminding you that we're old. But it's still almost a ten-year difference. Even her brother is younger than us.”

Wait - her brother? Marc, did you check out her brother too? You're about to tell me that you know everything about her whole family?

Marc didn't answer, and his silence was answer enough for Steven. 

Anyway, you know what?  I don't want to know. Besides, you should learn some basic maths, because that's nine years difference, not ten...

“Whatever.” 

... And you could show her a little respect, because this girl has a name. Y/N. If you want, I can spell it for you. It's not difficult, even you'll understand it quickly. 

“You're annoying, Steven. Go to sleep.” 

Yes, when you give me back my body. 

“I've already told you something,” growled Marc quietly, increasingly annoyed by his alter's pointless chatter. “We'll finish the case with Harrow and Ammit, I'll sign the divorce papers with Layla, and you'll never hear from me again.” 

I hope so.

Steven commented, but did not speak again. 

The silence that followed proved to be even more irritating to Marc than Steven's chatter. This one somehow at least kept him entertained and chased away a thousand thoughts. He cursed under his breath and then rose to a sitting position. He wiped his face with both hands and then ran his fingers through his hair. He propped his elbows against his own knees and took one last look at Y/N. She was still sleeping peacefully, completely oblivious to his conversation, although she was now lying on her side and cuddling against her pillow. 

Marc only thought for a second that maybe Steven was right.

⸻

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[kierancampire]

I've not been feeling my best today and it's cause of therapy.

Jayne told me, as she has many times now, thati need to give up on getting an apology from Swan, and that because they are providing me a service and have given me a roof over my head, i should just be grateful. I am still worried about them not cinuing my tenancy, even though I've done nothing wrong, but i don't see why i should be grateful.

I was in so much pain for my first few months here, cause they moved me here in winter and we had so many storms, all of that was coming into my flat and was causing me agony every day. I was ill about 4 or 5 times, I've gone to 1-2 illnesses a year, i doubled that in the first few months of living here. My sleep got so bad i was scared i was dying and went to my doctor for the first time in 2 years, and again, the pain this had me in and the toll it took on my health. I got such bad anxiety i started crying again when my phone rang, i started to fall into such a depression that tons of my plants died because i stopped watering them, i was getting anxiety aboit going to the shops again, i got so weak that i had to do shops in batches as i couldn't carry everything in one go like i normally do.

I said to Jayne, yes they've given me a place to stay, but why should all of that be swept under the rug? And i said to her, she apologised after i said this so i think she know how much she upset me when i said this, so what? Mum gave me a place to stay, Kirsty gave me a place to stay, so what? Should i have said nothing then, she i have accepted the way they treated me? Was that all fine? Because they also gave me somewhere to stay? And she said the abuse and my HA are different, and i said look at the effect it's had on me. How is it different.

But i just don't get how do i do everything wrong all the time? I don't stand up for myself, that's bad and i get taught how to do it, and it is good to say i deserve respect, care, and an apology from people who hurt me. But now when it's my HA who's hurting me, none of that matters? And in fact it is now bad? And i should just be grateful?

I've done this so many times where i do the thing that people have told me to do for years, but when i do it, suddenly it's wrong, I'm a bad person, I'm fucking up, I'm in the wrong, and it is all my fault? This has happened so much. It's like people tell me i need to love myself but get mad when i do, and i don't know if it's because I'm not really meant to, or if they're scared of what I'll realise about them once i do.

My HA has not apologised for the state of my flat, they have not apologised for when they gave it to me, they have not apologised for everything they've put me through, they have not apologised for how much they have ignored and dismissed me, they have not apologised for blaming me for causing the mould, they have not apologised for saying sorry for how i *feel* they blamed me for the mould because apparently it doesn't say that, even though it fucking does. They haven't apologised for the awful repairs, they haven't apologised for the fact that that one repair mans comments caused all of this, they haven't apologised for all the issues this has caused me, they haven't apologised for how long this has taken. In every interaction with these people i still am kind and respectful, partly cause i need to be, yet i feeli amunder full right to say how i really feel to them, yet suddenly I'd be held accountable and in the wrong, and they never fucking would. I said it to Jayne and i say it again now, if i treated my flat the way they have treated it, if i dealt with them how they have dealt with me, if i used the service how they have used it, i woulda been evicted long ago. Why the fuck should i be grateful. Why the fuck do i not deserve an apology.

[thebestfriendstoloverstrope]

not to get too personal but i just need to vent. there's this guy and he and i are starting a relationship (we kissed for the first time last night) and i'm just. the anxiety is through the roof. i haven't dated anyone in 8 years and i still don't know if i'm ready to. i don't know if i just need time or if i'm genuinely not into him? it's hard being demisexual (maybe even demiromantic? i don't feel anything romantic toward him yet, which is weird bc i really like him as a person. is the heteronormativity getting to me?) and getting into a relationship so fast. i could see us slowly becoming a thing but i was hoping it would take us at least a whole extra month before we got there instead of literally making out on the second date 😅 (we're classmates in our grad program, so we've seen each other a lot since august, so it's not like he's a total stranger). i don't know if i should push past the uncertainty and just go with it? bc i do really like him as a friend right now. and we flirt a lot. so, like, i do think i'd be into him eventually? i'm just. he held my hand last night and i was fine with that and then later i asked him what this was and we were close and then he kissed me and i just went with it bc i didn't want to have to deal with breaking the moment. and maybe that's my bad. but i'm so out of my element and i don't know what to do and i'm just. i'm spiraling lol

[momi1816]

pt.10:

being pregnant with my daughter was actually an enjoyable time. I had normal morning sickness ,but unlike my son I had 6 months ago, she was very scheduled. once before work in the morning and once at night whether it was when I was clocking out or just getting home. I did have a couple scares and mind-fucks.

at about 15 weeks, I had woke up in the middle of the night in a pool of blood. completely freaking out. feeling like I had lost her, calling the doctor they had asked if any tissues had came out, just blood. so they just said to come when they opened at the OB. which was in a couple hours. going in to do a check. she was still very much there. they had told me that her placenta was low and actually bruising my cervix and that caused the bleeding. but everything else was okay. they did assure me that once the placenta lifted later in a week or two that id have bleeding again and not to worry unless there were clots or tissue.

other than that my pregnancy was a breeze. the little stinker was apparently making it real cozy in there because I did not dilate. at my appointments he checked a week before my due date and a week after that, he said nothing but a pinky dip being dilated. and so they scheduled me for a induction. I would go in on a Thursday and get a cervix tape placed and be induced Friday morning.

Thursday came, an hour before going in. I start having gush over and over. but my water didn't't completely break, now knowing what that actually feels like. but i waited for mom and was like "we need to go now!"

getting there it took them 3 times to figure out It was amniotic fluid...so now cervix tape!!! 2am Friday it was time to be induced and those contractions hit me like a freight train. by the time it was time for the epidural and because of the contractions I didn't feel that needle. once I did receive that though, instant relief. and I was able to fall asleep finally. having my mom and cousin switch me on my sides every 30 mins so not just one side was numb. one of those times I woke up with an oxygen mask on and the doctor telling me that there was 2 ways to have a baby and I needed the second one right now.

giving me an anti nausea med that did not help and my anxiety going through the roof, they pushed the bed down to the OR. looking up at the bright lights scared but coming up with things to make feel better and tried my best to not watch what everyone was doing with haste.

as a kid talking to my friends that were girls, labor and delivery was a topic Brough up in middle school. I told my friends I was going to have a c section because scars were cool and what's another one to add to the others I already had. obviously that was not a popular opinion but when It came to the actually time being pregnant I was going to try natural but apparently younger self was right and being cut was in the cards for me.

the nurse asked me if I could feel the knife against my underarm. I could feel the pressure but not the fact of it being sharp. and so it was time. and my daughter was born. they did a 'circle of life' entrance with her and I cried big time. high as a kite and eyes barely open I was so happy. she was beautiful and I couldn't believe finally she was here.

no complications, what ended up happening is yes she was losing oxygen and my blood pressure. but getting in there they found out her cord was wrapped around her foot. she wasn't going anywhere.

but we were wheeled off back into the room and everyone got to hold her and their hellos. I wasn't able to move much at all but once I was I held her for so long. after everyone left we watched avatar together and it was the happiest I had ever been.

for what was ahead I was definitely not ready for. who could be.

[erodasfishtacos]

The Brits Dilemma

” Prompt: Harry & Y/N go to the Brits. It’s the first time they’ve been away from their baby. Y/N is struggling but doesn’t want to ruin the night for her husband.

Word Count: 1.8 k +

Warnings: Depictions of breastfeeding

+++++++

The award show was going well. It was the first time Y/N had been out in nearly three months besides a few brunch dates and grocery shopping.

Usually, she was pretty confident in what she wore to accompany her husband to all of these flashy events - but not tonight.

Her bump had deflated but she was still attempting to get rid of the stubborn pouch that stayed after the baby had been born. It wasn’t anything out of the norm - just still trying to lose it.

She was breastfeeding and her breasts were much larger than before. They felt heavy and too big for her body. Not to mention, they were constantly swollen and achey. Pads were a must so she doesn’t leak through the tight satin black dress.

The dress was a beautiful custom design by Gucci that complimented Harry’s sharp suit but nothing felt right. It was digging into her sides and made it hard for her to sit on her chair.

The Brits were held in the O2 Arena which wasn’t very far from their London home but she felt like she was lightyears away from her baby. Even though she knew Sasha was in good hands with Anne.

Y/N was so proud of Harry for being up for five - yes, five different awards. It was a record for him and she didn’t want to let him down by complaining. It was his night. He’s been such a devote father - he deserved a break too.

So she swallowed down the anxiety she was feeling about being away from their little newborn for the night along with her worries about her changing body.

There was milling about between the tables before the show got started. Harry had people coming up him constantly - congratulating him on the album, the nominations, the baby.

Married life and fatherhood suited him well. A dazzling wedding band on his left ring finger, a necklace with an S for his daughter, along with her name freshly inked on right above his butterfly tattoo.

The open jacket he wore with is his barely buttoned dress shirt displayed it proudly. It was beautiful, done delicately in a timeless cursive. The font match his wife name that was tattooed on his hand.

He couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t excited to have a night out with his wife. He had Jeff booked a hotel for the night to have some alone time with you while his mum got to enjoy a night with her only grandchild.

Y/N was counting down the hours up until tomorrow when she could go home to see her baby. She should really tell Harry that she wants to go home and not out to a club and the hotel.

But the it just slowly starts to deteriorate further when a bald, plump business exec comes to greet the two of you. He gives his warm wishes about the birth of your child before smiling at Y/N and stating, “The baby weight will come off soon enough.”

Her throat closes up a bit and she self-consciously tries to push her chair closer to the table. It was the last thing that she needed to hear. Confirming all of her worst insecurities.

Harry glares at the man before turning to his wife, “Hey, you look s’perfect, my love. I’m so bloody lucky you’re mine.”

He’s truly trying his hardest to bring a smile to her face but he notices it’s never quite meeting her eyes. 

It get even worse when Harry gets his first award, male solo artist of the year. 

As she’s standing and clapping for him - she realizes she’s beginning to leak through her nipple inserts.

Y/N excuses herself in the middle of his acceptance speech to rush through the string of tables - out into the corridor. The last thing she wanted to do was for it to show up on a very expensive dress.

The echo of his voice can still be heard, “Love to thank my beautiful wife who makes writing sappy love songs easy and was the main inspiration for my recent album. She also just gave birth to our beautiful baby.....”

She feels awful when she tunes him out, finding the bathroom and hurriedly rushing in. There’s a gorgeous woman standing at the sink, washing their hands. 

Fucking Taylor Swift.

Any other time it’d be awkward and uncomfortable - running into an ex who wrote multiple songs about her husband.

But she couldn’t careless right now, “Hi, erm, this is really weird but could you unzip my dress? I’m leaking and - shit that was way too much information.”

But Taylor smiles kindly, “No! It’s okay, totally. No worries. Congratulations on your baby - you look so hot tonight.”

Y/N laughs and thanks her for unzipping the dress before going into a stall and locking the door. She slides her bra straps off her shoulders and disposes of the soaked pad in the sanitary bin.

Luckily, she has a clean burp rag that she gently swipes at her breast - wincing as it brushes against her swollen nipples. Even the soft fabric felt too rough on them.

It’s a minute or two before the bathroom door swings open, “Y/N? Lovie? Are you in ‘ere?”

She feels guilt at the panic in his voice. Managing to croak out, “I’m in here,” before leaning forward to unlock the door.

Harry waste no time in sliding into the stall before latching the lock again. Taking in the sight of his wife in front of him.

“I-I started leaking, M’sorry,” Y/N whispers, she has no reason to feel embarrassed but she is. “I missed your speech.”

“None of that, baby. I’ll give more speeches for you to hear - I only care that you’re okay. I’m sorry y’leakin, lemme help you, pet.”

In true Harry fashion, he takes the rag and turns on the sink - running it under warm water before carefully cleaning his wife up.

“Are they botherin’ you? They look irritated and super swollen, darling,” Harry frowns, a very gentle thumb coming to brush against her nipple. Then cupping her swollen breast in his hand, thumb rubbing at the pink skin.

“Just a little bit,” She lies, they’re absolutely on fire with chafing and skin irritation from the bra she’s wearing. She never thought she’d miss her nursing bras and sports bras this much.

He nods and helps place new inserts in her bra. Who’d think this is what Harry would be doing between accepting awards. Everyone unassuming in the arena.

**

Harry has been four for four thus far into the ceremony. They’d only had him go up and give two acceptance speeches. His hand firmly planted on his wife’s thigh throughout. 

When he went up for his second award, the camera zooms in and the crowd coos are he plants a kiss on his wife’s lips before pulling her into a hug - whispering something into her ear the audience can’t hear.

He was much more focused on his wife. He could read her fairly well - he’d like to think. Enough to know she’s having much fun. But he didn’t want to bring it up and make her feel bad.

Harry sees the way she keeps adjusting her bra, fidgets with his rings when his hands in his lap, and not even really looking up while one of her favorite artist - Dua Lipa -performs.

Y/N loved a good party before the baby. So Harry was hoping going to the Brits afterparty would make her feel better and then going back to their hotel room for a some alone time.

**

Y/N has been increasingly quiet when they’re exiting the arena after the final award artist of the year - which Harry had also won.

He was on cloud nine and admittedly a little distracted as he joked and laughed with a small group of friends on the way out. 

“Alright, should we all just pile into a cab for the ride to the party?” Nick Grimshaw asks everyone.

Everyone is in agreement - including Harry -as he calls to order one - standing in the blocked off area away from fans and paparazzi.

Y/N wants to tell him she wants to go home to Sasha but when she hears him say, “Can’t wait to get to Exhibit - haven’t been there in forever. One of my favorite clubs.”

She bites her tongue. Harry is enjoying his night out - why can’t she?

In the taxi, she’s sat on Harry’s lap as they make their way to the club. His one hand is on her inner thigh and the other is on her waist holding her steady.

In the morning, she’ll blame her post-partum hormones and anxiety. But she doesn’t even realizing her eyes are filling with tears and when she blinks they spill down her face.

She wouldn’t feel as embarrassed if she wasn’t in the car full of literal celebrities who are filled with adrenaline and excitement. Chattering and drinking from little liquor bottles they’d snuck in their jackets and clutches.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Rita Ora asks from her seat - noticing the streaks ruining your makeup.

She nods pathetically, wiping at her eyes but Harry is turning her to face him. His bright green eyes filled with concern as he studies her face.

The previously very obnoxiously loud cab becomes silent as they try to give the couple a semblance of non-existent privacy.

“What’s happening, dove? Are you hurting?” Harry panics, coming to wipe the smeared makeup away.

“I don’t want to go to the club,” Y/N sniffles, squeezing her eyes shut at how embarrassed she is of her behavior. She would usually never act this way - especially in public. And Harry knows that so it makes him even more concerned.

“That’s okay, pet. We can go have a night in, when the cab stops - we can uber back to the hotel,” Harry soothes, surprised when that brings on fresh tears.

“N-no, I want to go home. I miss the baby, I want to- need to see our baby. I-I can’t do this. My anxiety is through the roof, Harry. What if she can’t sleep? Or isn’t taking the bottle?”

“Baby, breathe, breathe. We can go home. I miss the bub terribly too. Have been worried about her all night.”

Harry tugs his wife into his chest further - tucking her head into his neck as he shoots his friends grateful looks. They all nod, sympathetic and understanding - despite them not having kids of their own.

**

“I ruined your night,” Y/N says softly in the back of the uber home. “I leaked during the show; cried in front of all your friends.”

Harry takes her chin gentle but firm until she meets his gaze, “You didn’t ruin anything f’me. All I care about is you and the baby - not some stupid award ceremony or party.”

He continues on, “You just gave us Sasha three months ago - y’bloody amazing. Best mum, best wife. Sexiest too - know you don’t think that right now but your body literally grew my baby. I get a hard-on everytime I see you.”

They both laugh, Y/N leaning forward to capture her husbands lips in a meaningful kiss of gratitude and thanks.

**

Anne smiles kindly when the two of them arrive home. A very fussy, red-faced swaddled baby coddled in her arms. 

“She hasn’t settled for quite a while now - she missed her parents very much,” Harry’s mum tells them, transferring her into her father’s arms. He’s automatically rocking and running his thumb over her cheek.

“Ooh, we missed you. Was Nana nice to you?” Harry coos. Sasha has already quieted and is blinking tearfully up at her smiling father.

“Such a good girl, best girl,” Y/N sighs, leaning in to kiss her downy hair. Harry’s hand coming to wrap around his wife’s waist as they peer down at their perfect little daughter.

Anne smiles at his son and daughter-in-law fawning over their little creation with so much love and adoration.

After a minute of chatting -Harry’s mum makes her way up to the guest room after a long night with a miserable baby. They make their way to their room where Y/N strips out of her tight dress and awful bra. 

She sits against the headboard in just a pair of soft cotton panties. Harry is gently shushing her and humming a melody as his wife gets situated. He knew she was anxious to feed the baby.

“That’s it my sweet thing. Y’missed us, hm? We missed you too, bub. Nana said y’wouldn’t take the bottle. Only want your mumma, hmm?” Harry coos, kissing her chubby cheeks.

He’s then giving Y/N the baby, who ferociously latching within seconds and begins eating like she’d been starved for the last week. Making weak little rumbles as she does so.

They both giggle fondly, Y/Ns fingers come to touch her fluttering cheek - memorizing her over and over again.

Harry gets onto the bed and settles next to the both of them. Watching his baby feed in amazement at what his wife was capable of. He smears a few kisses against her bare shoulder - hand on his baby’s back.

How strong she was - as he knew it had to be at least a little bit painful with how irritated her nipples had been. He can tell when she winces every once in a while.

He plants a few more kisses to her warm skin - noticing her eyes getting a bit droopy as Sasha feeds at a slow, suckling pace.

“If I’m being honest, being with you - watching you feed our baby...I’d rather be here than at any club.” 

Y/N snorts, rolling her eyes, “Sure.”

Her husband frowns, “M’serious, this is all I need, baby.”

“I love you, congratulation on all your Brits,” Y/N murmurs, pecking at his lips.

“I love you too. I meant it, during my speeches. I wouldn’t have been able to write those songs if you hadn’t inspired me. You’ll and the bab will always be the best muse.”

[kywaslost]

How they help with sensory overload/panic/anxiety attack

Requests are open!

Warnings: mentions of sensory overload and panic/anxiety attacks, abuse

 All of class 1-A were sitting in the common room, some watching a movie while others were talking loudly. Normally you would be joining in the chatter, talking about the day’s training and classes, even helping todoroki and some of the other students make dinner. But today was different. Your anxiety was through the roof. The past few days have been filled with tests and exams from all of your teachers. It was nearing finals as well, causing you to lose sleep so you could study. It didn’t help that you hadn’t slept in two days due to stress and anxiety and that you had to do one-on-one battles with your classmates that morning. 

Right now you were silently following your boyfriend Bakugou around. He was going to go get a drink, getting up from his seat next to the bakusquad. You stood up and followed him, walking really close to his back.

“Hey,” Bakugou barked, not knowing it was you that was behind him. When he saw a glimpse of your hair and felt your head lean against his back, his face softened. “Oh, sorry,” he apologized under his breath. He turned and wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “If you wanted a drink you could have just said so, I would get you one.” You leaned into his side and walked with him. The lights were getting really bright. The song changed, blasting in your opinion. You buried your head in Bakugou’s side to try to at least muffle the sound a little. He poured two cups of water and handed one to you. The two of you sat back down and you cuddled really close to the blond headed boy. After a few minutes you buried your head closer to him. Bakugou noticed and grew agitated.

“Oi,” he growled quietly. “What is your problem? Are you--” he noticed how you flinched away from his growing voice. He also noticed how you covered your eyes from the dim lights in the room. He sighed, setting down his cup of water. He pulled you to his lap and pressed your head to his chest. He covered your ears and shielded your eyes. The two of you stayed that way until Bakugou carried you to your dorm. He stayed with you until you fell asleep.

You had a lot in common with your father Shota Aizawa. You were quiet, always tired, but also very smart. You didn’t like loud noises and they scared you to be honest. If you didn’t get away from the noise or it didn’t go away you’d start to shake. The reason was understandable, of course. It was simple. When you were only six months old your mother was killed in a villian attack. As Aizawa fought the villain that killed your mother Present Mic saved you and got you out of harm’s way. Both you and Aizawa were devastated. As a fact, you were selectively mute. You would only talk to your father and Uncle Mic. That was far as it went. 

Your friends never understood why you never spoke a word. You were in class 1-A under your father’s teaching. You had one friend going into that class and it was Izuku Midoriya. He was with you ever since the very first day of school when you were kids. He understood that you didn’t speak and would stand up for you when the other kids in class 1-A kept trying to get you to talk. It was several months into the school year and you were in Present Mic’s English class. He was naturally a loud person due to his quirk but he always tried to tone it down when you were in his class.

There were two doors in Present Mic’s classroom; one in the front and one in the back. You just so happened to sit next to the one in the back. At the moment Mic wasn’t really teaching. There were only ten minutes left of class and Mic decided to let the rest of the time be spent however the students wished. Right now the bakusquad were goofing off and laughing. The room was starting to get loud. You looked around the room, taking in all of the noise.

“Hey mute mouth!” You turned your head to the source of the yelling. Bakugou was sitting on top of a desk, staring at you. Your body started to tremble, becoming afraid of all the noise in the room. You slowly turned your head to the side as if asking him what he wanted. “What in the world is wrong with you?” By this time you could barely catch your breath. Your trembling got worse. Now the room was silent as everyone was looking at you.

“Y/N?” Present Mic called from his desk. “Are you alright?” You didn’t even spare him a look when you raced out the back door of the classroom and down the hall. It was empty, quiet since classes were still in session. You slowly slid down a wall to the floor, curling into a ball. You shook terribly, starting to scream and cry. 

“Hey, kiddo, whoa you’re ok,” a voice said from beside you. “It’s me, Uncle Mic. Do you mind if I touch you?” You continued to scream as doors opened and teachers poked their heads out into the hall. When they saw Mic shooing them into their rooms with his hands they closed their doors and continued on with their classes. Mic slowly wrapped his arms around your shaking frame. He pulled you to him and rested his chin on your head.

“It’s ok kiddo,” he whispered uncharacteristically. “Just breathe ok?” He sat there with you until your screaming ceased and your breath was steady again. He smiled, “Hey, there we go!”

“Too loud,” you muttered. “Way too loud.”

“I know little eraser. I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep it quiet next time.”

When Kirishima first met Bakugou he never would have thought he would be dating the blonde boy’s sister. Your quirk was just like Bakugou’s only you shot ice explosions instead of fire and instead of sweating nitroglycerin, frost would coat your skin in very thin layers.

Kirishima always offered to help you with your quirk. While you could practice your attacks Kirishima could test his hardening skills. Another thing Kirishima did was understand you had bad anxiety. You never told your brother but when he was kidnapped, you were petrified. You loved him as much as you never admitted and you were afraid you wouldn’t see him again. That’s what made you transfer to the hero course at UA. You had the chance to keep an eye on your brother and learn how to save people from the very thing that happened to Bakugou.

You and Kirishima had just gotten back to the dorms from a sparring practice you two held after school. Once you had showered and eaten you two were in his room, relaxing. He was sitting at the desk in his room, scrolling through the internet on his computer. You were laying on his bed asleep. He looked across the room and smiled softly when he noticed you were cuddled up with one of his pillows. You were hidden by his blankets and warm in his hoodie as your face was buried in the pillow.

That’s adorable, Kirishima thought as he pulled his phone out and took a picture before he turned back to his computer. He sat in silence for a few moments when he heard very soft whimpering coming from his bed. It was almost inaudible, it was so silent.

“Baby?” the red head called softly. He turned back around to face the bed again, trying to see where the noise was coming from. He saw your sleeping form twitching from time to time, face plastered with looks of fear. Kirishima worriedly stood from his seat across the room and made his way over to you quickly. He sat beside you and rested his hand on your shoulder, turning you on your back. You continued to whimper and started to mutter.

“No,” you whispered. Kirishima pulled your back to his chest and held you there with one arm as his other hand ran though your hair calmingly. 

“Hey,” he whispered. “It’s ok. You need to wake up ok?” Kirishima had to tighten his grip as you started to thrash around harder. You started to cry in your sleep, gripping the arm that was wrapped around you tightly. Kirishima continued to smooth your hair and whisper to you to wake you up. 

You gasped through tears as your eyes shot open. Kirishma shushed you quietly, still attempting to calm you down. “Hey, it’s ok little rock. You’re alright.” You struggled to catch your breath, still shaking.

“Kiri!” you gasped, trying to pry the arms away from you. Kirishima picked up on what was going on and let go, sliding off the bed and kneeling so he was eye level with you.

“Oh,” he said quickly. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t think it would get this bad.” You sat up and pulled at the collar of Kirishima’s hoodie. He could see the panic in your eyes. “Hey, it’s ok. Do you want me to help you take that off?” You didn’t hear him, still pulling the fabric from your body. “I’m going to take that off ok?” Kirishima gently pulled the fabric from your hands and over your head, leaving you in your black t-shirt you had been wearing. 

“Let’s calm your breathing little rock,” he said with a soft smile. “Can I hold your hand?” You nodded frantically as he gently took your right hand in his. He placed it to his chest. “Feel that? Feel my breathing? Try to match me ok?” It took ten minutes for him to get your breathing to slow. 

“Is it ok if I hold you?” You nodded again as the red-head slid in beside you and pulled you into his lap. “You’re still shaking,” he muttered. “Do you want some water?” He pulled a bottle off the nightstand, opening it and handing it to you. He pressed it to your lips and tilted it so the cool liquid fell through your lips. You took a few sips before pulling away. You took a shaky breath and wrapped your arms around Kirishama’s waist. Kirishima pulled you close and held you tight until your shaking ceased.

“Do you feel any better?” the boy whispered quietly.

“Hmhm,” you hummed and buried your head in his chest. “Thank you Kiri.” You leaned up and pecked his lips. “I’m sorry.” Kirishima frowned, pulling your face to look at him.

“Don’t be sorry love,” he said softly. “You can’t control these things. I’d do this 100x over if it meant you would be ok in the end. I hope I don’t have to, because this isn’t good for you, but I will if I have to.” A tear fell from your eyes and Kirishima wiped it away. “Can you tell me what triggered this?” You looked away.

“I dreamed of Katsuki being kidnapped again.” Your voice was quiet. Kirishima rested his chin on your head.

“I’m sorry baby.”

 Deku was the most observant person you had ever met. He noticed everything within a matter of seconds. This meant a lot to you. You were quiet by nature, only ever really talking to people you were close to. This included Midoriya, Todoroki, Bakugou, and Kirishima. You would exchange a few words with the rest of your classmates but that was as far as it went. Izuku always noticed when you were getting too anxious or tired. He knew how to calm you down and make you feel comfortable. 

This was one of those days he had to use that knowledge. You were having a day with Todoroki, Iida, Ochako, and Deku. The five of you were walking through the mall, window shopping. It was more of a friends day than a shopping day since all you all did was talk with each other. You all were eating lunch in one of the many dining areas in the mall. It was nearing the busiest part of the day as the crowds of people grew and the noise got louder. This didn’t get past without you noticing. You started to flinch whenever a particularly loud noise came from the crowd.

“Are you alright Y/N?” Todoroki asked over his bowl of cold soba. “You look frightened.” 

You shook your head and said quietly, “I’m fine.” Deku noticed this. He took your arm gently and pulled you to your feet.

“We’ll be back,” he said quickly, pulling you away from your friends and to a quiet, secluded part of the mall. He sat you down and sat beside you, wrapping his arms around you. “Hey,” he whispered quietly. “It’s too loud isn’t it?” You nodded as the boy pulled your head to his chest to try and hide you from the noise and light.

“The lights are too bright,” you whispered. Deku hid your face more.

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let Ochako drag you out here.”

“It’s fine.” The two of you sat like that until you calmed down. “Let’s go find the others,” you said as you sat up. As you made your way back to the table, Todoroki bumped into you.

“Oh, there you are,” he said as he steadied you. “Are you alright?” You nodded.

“I’m alright,” you whispered. “It was just getting too loud and bright.” The boy nodded as he walked with you and Deku, each of the boys having an arm wrapped around you.

When Shinsou started UA, he swore he wasn’t there to make friends. He kept true to his word, or at least until you showed up. You were accepted later in the year since the school sent you an invite once they noticed you would do well in their school. You were in class 1-C. Your quirk would do well in that class, but most of your classmates didn’t agree.

Your quirk was mental drawing, meaning you could draw what the people around you were thinking. Most of the kids in your class didn’t like your quirk; they thought it wasn’t fitting for a hero. This caused you to keep to yourself and not talk to anyone. This only added on to the torture.

You were sitting at your desk before English class as you doodled on a piece of scrap paper. You sat in the back corner of the class by the window. This way, you got the best lighting and the best view. You stared at your paper absentmindedly as your pencil slid across the paper. It started with small lines here and there but then developed into the shape of a person. You were working on the other eye when a group of classmates caught your attention.

“Hey mute girl!” someone called out. You looked up with shy eyes, hiding your face behind your hair. You turned your head to the side slightly, acknowledging their presence. There were three of them, all towering over your desk. The one in the middle ripped the paper from beneath your hand.

“Hey!” you said, reaching for the drawing. “Give that back!” The men laughed, hovering over the paper and pointing at certain spots, laughing even harder.

“This is your quirk?!” The one on your right laughed. “Seriously, this sucks.”

The one on the left spoke,” You’re never going to make it big here.”

“What’s your problem?” spat a voice from behind the boys. The three turned around.

“You!” they scoffed, laughing. Immediately, they fell silent and stiff. You looked around them to see Shinsou Hitoshi staring at them.

“Give the girl her paper back,” commanded the man. The boy with your drawing placed it back down on your desk. “Apologize.”

“We’re sorry,” the three said in a monotone voice. The man with purple hair smirked. “Now act like the chickens you are until class starts.” The three boys started clucking, running around the classroom. You giggled, watching them embarrass themselves. The man controlling them sat down at the desk beside you. 

“Thank you,” you whispered to the man.

“Don’t mention it,” he grumbled. “They deserve everything they get.”

“You’re name’s Shinsou Hitoshi, right?” you asked quietly. He nodded, taken aback. He didn’t think you knew who he was.

“Yeah, and you’re Y/N? The new one?” he asked. You nodded.

“Yeah.” You sat in silence before you decided to speak again. “How did you manage to get into a class like this?” you asked. “You have the perfect quirk to be a-”

“Villain?” Shinsou spat. “You know what, I thought you were different. I guess not.”

You were confused. “No,” you stated. “I was going to say you had the quirk of a hero. You could do great things with a quirk like yours.” Shinsou gave you an amazed look.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” He flashed you a small smile and class started.

You slowly packed up your belongings in the locker room. You just finished your last class of the day, gym. You were exhausted, ready to grab a cup of coffee and head back to your dorm. You grabbed your backpack and walked out of the locker room.

“Hey wait up!” You turned around to see Shinsou running up to you. He slowed down to match your pace. “Hey,” he smiled. You grinned slightly.

“Hello Shinsou. What’s got you in a good mood? You usually don’t talk to others,” you pointed out. Shinsou shrugged.

“You’re not like the others. So, got any plans?” you shook your head.

“Not really. I was going to go get a coffee then head back to the dorm to study for our upcoming exam,” you answered

“Mind if I join you?” Shinsou asked. Your smile brightened.

“Sure!”

The two of you sat in your dorm room, studying. Shinsou asked if he could join you in studying and you agreed. Right now he was reading through a textbook while you were flipping through your notes.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Shinsou started, catching your attention, “Can I see the drawing you were working on earlier?” You nodded shyly, leaning over to grab your sketchbook. You pulled out the loose piece of paper and handed it to the boy. He looked at it, amazed. “This is amazing!”

Your cheeks reddened as you hid behind your hair again. “Thanks,” you muttered. “It’s my quirk; I can draw what someone nearby is thinking,” you explained. Shinsou handed the paper back to you, accept his hand hovered near your head. He made eye contact with you before he brushed the hair from your face and behind your ear. He smiled before returning to his book. Silence fell between the two of you once again.

You and Shinsou became friends quickly. He’d walk with you back to the dorms after school and would even train with you from time to time. He understood that you were shy so he didn’t push you to do anything you didn’t want to. Month passed and it was time for break. You had invited Shinsou to come over one night to watch a movie, seeing as though you thought both your parents were working. He showed up in a pair of grey sweatpants and a purple hoodie. His hood was up when you answered the knock at the door. 

“H-Hey Shinsou,” you greeted quietly. He smiled.

“Hello Y/N, may I come in?” you nodded, letting him in and leading him to the couch. There were several warm, fluffy blankets and pillows strewn over the couch.

“What movie would you like to watch?” you asked the boy. “I have so many dvd’s, Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+ so I’m pretty sure I could find almost everything.” Shinsou shrugged as he plopped down on the couch, pulling a few blankets out from under him. You started pacing, fumbling with the remote and flipping through the apps on the TV. You also started to ramble and list off the movies you noticed.

“Y/N-” Shinsou started with a small chuckle. “Y--Y/N.” He gently took your hand and pulled you down to sit beside him. Your face reddened as you returned the small smile Shinsou was giving you. “You need to calm down,” he laughed. “I know you're anxious and I understand. Why don’t you go get something to drink and I’ll look for a movie, ok?” You nodded as he smiled. He gently took the remote from your hand and you went to get a glass of water.

Shinsou could hear a door open and close from the back of the house. “Y/N?” he called out quietly. There was the sound of glass shattering and shouts coming from the kitchen. The boy ran as fast as he could to where you were. “Y/N!” He slid into the kitchen to see a man towering over your trembling body. Blood dripped from cuts on your head and glass shards surrounded you. The man was yelling at you, or at least he was until he saw Shinsou standing in the doorway. The man sneered back down at you, raising an arm above his head. In the blink of an eye Shinsou was standing over you, forcing your father’s hand away from you. 

“What are you doing!?” Shinsou screamed angrily.

“Get out!” your father yelled. Shinsou activated his quirk.

“Leave,” he seethed. “Leave, and don’t come back.” The man turned and walked out of the door he had come through. Once Shinsou was sure the man was away from you, he turned around and dropped down by your side. You were hyperventilating and crying, freaked out. “Hey,” the boy said calmly. He attempted to reach out towards you but you flinched away from him. He frowned. “Ok,” he nodded. “I won’t touch you. Just try to calm down, ok?”

You continued to gasp, taking in much more air than you needed. “Look at me.” You looked up to see dark purple eyes filled with concern and kindness. He smiled softly when you listened. “There we go, that’s great. Now breathe with me, ok?” He took huge deep breaths, still looking into your eyes. After a few breaths you started to breath with him. You reached a hand out to him and he took it, squeezing it gently. You finally calmed down enough to speak.

“You should go,” you breathed, trying to stand. Shinsou pulled you back down so you were now sitting on his lap. He hugged you close to his chest before examining your head.

“I’m not leaving,” he stated. “And you’re bleeding. We need to get you looked at.” You started to panic again, shaking your head frantically.

You started to beg, “Please, no.” Tears streamed down your face and Shinsou wiped them away. “I can’t. They’ll take me away, please we can’t!” Shinsou rocked you back and forth.

“Ok,” he soothed. “Ok.”

Your teacher would never admit it but he cared deeply for his students. He would give his life 100x over if it meant his students would be alright in the end. He knew everything about his students; what they could do, what they couldn’t do, what they were afraid of, and what they were comfortable with. Aizawa was sure that his students could handle their own and would come to him if they ever needed them but there was one student he wasn’t too sure about. Y/N L/N. Aizawa knew that she had doubts about herself. He knew that she was always anxious and could get jumpy easily.

Today Aizawa was going to have his students present ways to help some of their classmates. Earlier in the week he had the class draw names and then they were to come up with ways to help the student they pulled out of a box with their quirk. It was your turn to present and you were starting to panic. 90% of the class had never even heard you speak.

“Y/N.” Aizawa spoke. “You’re up.” You took a deep breath before standing, walking up to the front of the class. You opened your mouth, attempting to speak, but no sound came from your mouth. You froze as your heart rate increased and your breath hitched. You shook your head, dropped your papers, and ran out of the classroom. Momo gasped.

“Do you-” she started but Aizawa cut her off.

“No.” The teacher followed his student out the door slowly. He roamed the halls as he looked for you.

You leaned against the wall, sitting on the cold tile floor. Tears brimmed your eyes as you took deep breaths to calm yourself. This wasn’t exactly the first time you’ve had to run out of class and later apologize to your teacher. You heard soft footsteps approach you and then someone sit down beside you.

“Are you alright?” you jumped slightly from the voice, still a little on edge. You looked to your side to see your teacher, Mr. Aizawa. You nodded, continuing to calm your breathing. Aizawa hesitantly wrapped an arm around your shoulders. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry,” the teacher whispered. “I should’ve known something like this would have happened.”

You shook your head. “It’s alright.” Aizawa’s eyes widened and he smiled. You were talking to him. “I need to outgrow this sometime, right?”

“It’ll take time, but I’m willing to help in any way that I can.”

Hawks knew that when he married you that there were many things that triggered sensory overload and anxiety. That’s why he let you stay in his office at the agency during most of the work day. You would help him with paperwork and you’d schedule events for him. That’s what you liked about your husband. He knew what triggered you and did his best to keep you safe.

When you had attacks out of nowhere, Keigo was always there to talk you down. If you were comfortable with him touching you, he’d hold you close to him and whisper in your ear. If you didn’t want physical contact he’d just sit with you and try to bring your attention away from what was triggering you.

Today was just one of those days. The days where you didn’t feel like yourself and just felt off. Your anxiety was through the roof and you didn’t feel like leaving your bed. Hawks had left before you were awake, having a conference to attend to. He should be getting back to the agency about now, you thought as you lay motionless on the bed. You were supposed to be at the agency right now but you couldn’t find the will to get out of bed. Your attention moved to your buzzing phone on the nightstand. Hawks. You let it ring as you continued to lay there. 

“Honey, I’m home!” Hawks called as he walked into the apartment you both shared. “Are you alright? You haven’t answered any of my calls and you weren’t at work.” He roamed the house, looking for you. He pushed open the door to the bedroom and saw your shaking form on the bed. He rushed over. “Baby, are you alright?” You didn’t answer as he pulled the blanket away from your face. He frowned. “Honey you’re having an attack. Can I touch you?” You nodded through your fear as Hawks swiftly picked you up and sat you in his lap. He shushed you quietly. “Breathe with me, ok?” Minutes passed as you struggled to come back down to earth and breathe. 

“It’s one of those days, isn’t it?” Hawks asked quietly. You nodded as your eyes drooped. These attacks always drained the energy right out of you. “Why don’t we take a nap?” You looked up and pecked Hawks’ lips before nuzzling further into his chest.

“That sounds nice.”

Having dealt with quite a few of these himself, Shoto understood that you wanted space when attacks hit you. These attacks came out of nowhere, most of the time when you were relaxing with your boyfriend. The two of you were cuddling on his bed, sitting in silence. You were curled up against Todoroki’s side, half asleep. The boy rested his cheek on your head as he read the book in his hands. Todoroki knew that you were having a particularly hard day. You were much more shy than you usually were and you clung to Todoroki for most of the day, not that he didn’t mind though. You usually only did that when your anxiety was worse than usual.

“Hard day?” he whispered to your half-conscious form. You hummed in response. “Anxiety?” You nodded. Todoroki pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “Do you want to talk about it?” You opened your eyes, staring off in front of you. Your breath was still shaky, but it had been that way all day so you were used to it.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” you muttered. “I just woke up and felt anxious.” Todoroki could hear the tremble in your voice and wrapped an arm around you.

“Why don’t I make you that tea that always helps you calm down?” he offered. “Then we can take a nap, maybe even watch a movie.” You nodded.

“Thank you.” Todoroki returned to his dorm room about ten minutes later with a cup of steaming tea. He set it down on the nightstand when he saw your sleeping form on his bed. He knew he should let you sleep but the tea he brought he knew would calm you down. He slowly lowered himself to lay down beside you, running his hand over your arm.

“Y/N,” he said softly and planted a kiss above your ear. “Wake up darling. I’m back.” You stirred and sat up. Todoroki handed you the cup of tea and pulled you to lean against him. The two of you stayed like that until you finished your tea. Once Todoroki placed the cup back on the shelf beside the bed, he laid the both of you down. “Better?” he asked and you nodded.

“Better.”

The boy always had a lot of energy due to his quirk. Denki was loud and always excited, which is why you two got along so easily. There were countless nights when you and Denki would stay up late playing video games together until breakfast the next morning. 

You were trying to set up one of the gaming systems as Denki walked into his dorm room, arms filled with snacks and drinks.

“Ready sweetpea?” Denki beamed. “How late are we gonna play today?”

You giggled at his sweet greeting. “I don’t know. My best guess is that we’ll lose track of time and end up falling asleep in class again.” Denki laughed. You sighed and moved to sit on your feet. “Can you help me Denki? I have no clue what I’m doing.” The boy nodded.

“Of course baby bolt,” he smiled. “Here, look.” He started to plug in certain cords and wires. He moved to pat your shoulder but sent sparks through your body. You twitched, wincing. Denki was taken aback before he launched forward and hugged you. “I’m so sorry!” he cried. “I didn’t mean to!” You laughed.

“It’s alright Denki, I’m alright.”

You played video games for about twenty minutes before you put your controller down and squeezed your eyes shut. “You alright chickadee?” Denki asked from his spot beside you. His voice wasn’t that loud, but it was like a bell ringing in your head.

“Please keep your voice down,” you whimpered. Denki scooted over to you, pulling you into a hug.

“Sensory overload,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. I caused this when I shocked you earlier.” The boy continued to shield your eyes and stay quiet until you made it clear you were ok.

“Can we just go to sleep?” you asked quietly. Denki nodded.

“Of course baby bolt, if it’ll help at all.”

[justanobsessedfangirl]

The Sacrifice Part 1 - The Maze Runner Minho Imagine

Request from @elizabeth-brown hey when your requests will be open can you do 'the maze runner' one with minho. where one day when new greenie was coming up he had letter with him. on it there was written that if they sacrificed y/n they would let everyone out. so keepers decided to vote. most of them voted 'yes' so without any emotions Alby kick y/n into the maze. then minho realized his feelings. y/n survived the maze and WCKED took her. after one year she escaped WCKED and ran into the scorch. Minho missed her miserably. y/n searched the safe heaven. and when Group A searched safe heaven they saw y/n and she was so mad. you can end it however you want either she forgives them or not. and please tag me

Masterlist

Part 2

Warning: Some mature language

Author’s Note: Thanks for waiting! I changed up the request a little (I think?) but there will probably be a part 2 so I can do the stuff outside the Glade. Hope you like it! Also, I know it seems like my requests aren’t open because I take forever to post, but I swear they are. :)

Word Count: 4.6k

The Box came up every month like clockwork. Half an hour before its arrival, a blaring alarm would sound. Gladers would trickle in from the Gardens, the Med-jack Hut, the Homestead, and gather around the hole. Those who had requested items would push their way to the front. Others lingered around the edges, hoping for a glimpse of the new Greenie.

“Maybe it’ll be another girl,” they’d whisper.

“Maybe it’ll be another shank,” their friends would whisper back, and the boys would shove each other and laugh and make jokes until the Box slotted into place and the roof slid away, revealing the Glade’s next victim.

You were an unnatural fit to the routine. You’d disrupted it right from the beginning, with your arrival as the first female Glader. Now, months later, you still hadn’t formed many strong bonds. It was hard when you were rarely in the Glade during the day, spending most of your hours mapping the Maze. No one was directly cruel when you had a day off, but it was clear that this was a brotherhood, and you did not meet the requirements. You were an “other.” You were a girl. You were something to be looked at and talked about but you weren’t necessarily someone.

You didn’t feel like an outsider when you ran with Minho. He treated you like a person. Like a friend. So did Newt, although your time with him was limited to bonfires, where you drank Gally’s moonshine and talked.

Just the memories of those nights made you feel warm, even as you stood apart from the boys around the Box and prayed for another girl to appear. You stood on your tiptoes and tried to peer over the crowd. Through gaps and over heads, you caught a glimpse of a boy in the Box. He was younger than you, probably younger than most of the people in the Glade, with curly brown hair, round pink cheeks, and wide, fear-filled eyes. 

Alby jumped down into the Box. Laughter rose from the crowd as the young Greenie backpedaled so wildly that he tripped over his feet and slammed onto his butt. Next to you, a group of Gladers jeered. You frowned at them, watching their smiles slip into sneers. They looked away from you. Inside the Box, the Greenie cried, “Please don’t hurt me!” His already high, youthful voice was pitched even higher with terror.

You felt a stab in your chest. He sounded so young, so alone, so scared. Taking a step forward, you came to the edge of a thick knot of Gladers. They catcalled and hollered and cackled, slapping each other on the backs. One noticed you and quickly jerked away like you were contagious.

Cheeks burning, you stepped back again. You gave the crowd one last look, heard the Greenie blubber one last time, and headed for the Homestead, where there was no one to make you feel unwelcome or weak for feeling sympathy for the new Greenie.

Besides, you thought bitterly, they might make fun of him now, but he’ll still be one of them.

A few Gladers saw you go; most were focused on the Greenie, who Alby was trying to coax to his side of the Box, where someone had dropped a length of rope. 

“We’re not going to hurt you,” Alby said. Impatience wore thin on his voice. “Just come over here.”

The Greenie stayed curled in a ball in the middle of the Box.

Alby shook his head. Turning to the pair of boys above him, he lowered his voice and said, “Do you think Y/N could try to get him out?”

The Gladers looked at each other.

“Isn’t she running today?” one asked.

“I haven’t seen her all day,” the other added.

Alby frowned. “Fine,” he sighed, “we’ll do it the hard way.”

At that, the two Gladers joined Alby in the Box. The Greenie’s eyes bulged as they approached. He tried to scoot back. In seconds, the pair was on him, lifting him as easily as if he weighed nothing. They toted him to the rope.

The Greenie gasped. “Wait! Wait! I dropped it!”

Alby waved the boys on before they could stop. “I’ll get it.” While the Gladers hoisted the Greenie out, Alby walked to the center of the Box. Laying on the metal floor was a card of paper, pristinely white save for the 10 grimy fingerprints of the crying Greenie. Alby knelt, picked it up, flipped it over, and froze.

It seemed like an eternity before he stood again. Around him, the Gladers still talked and laughed. Around him, the Gladers still thought they were following their routine.

Holding the note in his hand, Alby commanded, “Gathering in the Homestead. Now.” After a beat of silence, he added, “If Y/N’s here, bring her.”

The Glade burst into a flurry of activity. Boys scrambled, yelling the news. Their Keepers chastised them and handed out work orders like candy. Feeling brave and uninhibited and a little frenzied, Gladers complained and groaned and manhandled each other and ran. The new Greenie was handed off to a Builder, then a Slicer, then rescued by a Gardener. A pack of Gladers took off for the Homestead.

You’d barely made it inside before your moment of alone time was shattered. The boys whooped and hollered and shouted as they sprinted toward you.

“Gathering!”

“You have to go!”

“Alby called for a Gathering!

Their voices came at you like bullets, one after another after another. Your questions fell on deaf ears. “Why a Gathering? Now? Did you say I have to go?”

They kept talking to each other, ignoring you even as they pushed you farther inside, pushed you toward the meeting room, pushed you like you couldn’t even walk by yourself. You shoved away from them and entered the room on your own two shaky feet. Only a few of the Gladers followed, taking their seats as Keepers.

With a sick sludge of anxiety swirling in your stomach, you looked around the room. You’d never been to a Gathering before, although you’d listened to Minho complain about how boring they were many times. The room was small, the only furniture a crudely made table surrounded by twelve seats, one for each Keeper plus Alby and Newt. There was no seat for you. You were not supposed to be here.

“Clint, what’s going on?”

The Keeper of the Med-jacks looked up at the sound of your voice. He’d been staring at the tabletop, tracing his finger along the wood grain. His hands were thin, his fingers long, and they held a delicate strength, accustomed to wrapping wounds and sewing stitches. “Alby called a Gathering,” Clint said.

“Yeah, I figured that part out. Why? And why am I here?” You tried to keep your emotions under control. Clint didn’t need to know you were a little annoyed, a little angry, a little worried. Clint and the growing mob of Keepers filing into the room didn’t need to know you were scared.

Clint looked to the head of the table. Two empty chairs sat waiting. “Alby didn’t explain much. I think it was something to do with the Greenie.”

“The Greenie?” you asked, just as someone gave you a harsh nudge to the side. You whipped around and found yourself staring up at Gally.

“Don’t block the doorway,” he snapped. Before you could reply, Gally was walking past you, settling into the seat closest to the head of the table.

Most of the chairs were filled now. Some Keepers looked at you, others talked with their neighbors, and a few, like Clint, seemed like they’d rather be anywhere else but here. You lingered by the door. After a couple of minutes, Alby and Newt entered together.

You knew something was wrong immediately. Alby’s face, stoic at the best of times, was downright grim, like he’d just witnessed a terrible crime against humanity. Newt wouldn’t even lift his eyes to yours. His skin had taken on a pallor, pale white tinged with sickly green.

“Alby-”

Alby interrupted you. “Where’s Minho?”

You weren’t sure if he was asking you or the Keepers, but you answered anyway. “He’s running. What’s going-”

Cursing under his breath, Alby strode to the head of the table. “Someone got the schedules mixed up,” he fumed. “They thought you were running today. Minho is supposed to be here.”

“Maybe we should wait-”

“This can’t wait, Newt. You know that.” Alby shot Newt’s suggestion down before it even had time to breathe. “Y/N, take Minho’s seat. And someone shut the door.”

You didn’t like the way Alby was barking out orders or the way Newt had slumped into his seat like an admonished puppy. The whole world was off-kilter, just slightly, but enough that you felt nauseous and hyper-aware. Clint was still picking at the table. Winston was sitting next to Gally, who was staring daggers at you, and Zart, who had his arms crossed and was sitting straight in his chair, looked disgusted at something Doug, the Keeper of the Sloppers, had just said. Frypan was the one to get up and close the door, giving you a reassuring smile as he walked. You slowly made your way around the table to the only empty chair. It was across from Gally, right next to the side that Alby and Newt sat behind. 

Newt flinched away from you as you sat. Alby eyed you, waiting, waiting, waiting, and, finally, with the door closed and you perched on Minho’s chair, ready to bolt, he said, “We’re holding a Gathering because of this.” He pulled a piece of paper from his pocket. “The new Greenie was holding it.”

Down the table, Winston smirked. “Is that why he was crying? Poor thing can’t read?”

You frowned. One of the Keepers, Billy, chuckled lightly.

Alby ignored them and continued, “It’s a note from the Creators.” A few murmurs arose; Alby didn’t speak until it was silent again. “It says,” he cleared his throat and, next to him, Newt looked as if he might puke. “It says, ‘The Glade is failing. Show you can follow instructions and you will be released.’” Alby paused.

Unlike before, the Keepers stayed quiet. You were on the edge of your seat, listening with bated breath, like all of the others. Maybe the instructions involved finding something in the Maze? You knew you could help with that, and maybe Alby knew it too, and that’s why he’d made you attend the Gathering. You could nearly taste the freedom on your lips. Under the table, your legs shook with excitement, energy, adrenaline -- everything that made you feel alive. What would life be like outside the Glade? 

“Tell them the instructions, Alby,” Newt whispered, voice strained.

Your hopeful heartbeat faltered.

Alby’s eyes flicked up from the paper, met yours, and shot back down.

Something like dread filled your chest.

“‘Show you can follow instructions and you will be released,’” Alby repeated. He drew a deep breath before continuing. “Sacrifice Y/N to the Maze. Tonight.’”

One second passed. Inside that second, there was an eternity, an infinity, a lifetime. Your lifetime. Every limb of your body became paralyzed. You felt liquid. You felt insubstantial and invisible, only you were the farthest thing from invisible, because every single person in the room, all ten Keepers and Alby and Newt, even Newt, who wouldn’t meet your eyes before because he’d already condemned you to death, was staring.

And then the room roared.

“They’re lying!”

“That’s insane!”

“They can’t ask us to do that!”

“We can’t trust them!”

“I’m not doing that!”

“What if it’s true?”

The last voice, soft, barely audible, silenced everyone.

You stared at Gally, jaw dropped. “What?” You could barely speak above a whisper. Your vocal cords were constricting, choking you. Every breath felt like your last.

Gally’s gaze stayed on the letter in Alby’s hands. His eyes were glazed and his whole demeanor, normally stubborn and stand-offish, had shifted into quiet contemplation. “What if it’s true?” he murmured. “What if this is our way out? What if this is what we’ve been waiting for?”

The other Keepers began to speak. Instead of ardent protestations, you heard questions. So many questions and no definitive answers, except for Gally’s. The room spun around you, swirling, swirling, swirling. Your skin was flushed and cold and sweating and freezing all at the same time.

“He might be right,” you heard.

In an instant, you shot to your feet. The chair that Minho should have been sitting in clattered to the floor, silencing the Keepers. “Guys, this-this is insane,” you pleaded. Every face was a blur, a smear, no distinguishable people anywhere. You didn’t know a single boy in this room. “The Creators have never asked us to do something like this. They locked us in here! They-they...they put monsters in the Maze to kill us!”

“Maybe not to kill us.” Billy, the Keeper of the Baggers, was a boy of few words. He never seemed to have much to say, maybe because he’d gotten used to such solitary work. Most of the time, the only Gladers he was around were dead. “Maybe the monsters are there to kill you.”

Panicked tears burned in the corners of your eyes. Gally was nodding. So was Winston. Too many of them were nodding or looking down, pretending they didn’t have a say, hope gleaming in their eyes and betraying their thoughts.

You turned to your leaders. “Alby, this can’t--we can’t--”

“We’re going to vote on it.”

You switched tactics. “Newt. Newt, please, please look at me. This is crazy. We can get out without doing this, we can--I’ll run more and we’ll...we’ll figure something out, just, please, don’t--please just look at me.”

Newt slowly lifted his head. In the background, the Keepers talked, rising from their seats, growing more animated, more determined. Unshed tears glimmered in Newt’s eyes. “Y/N,” he said, and in your name you heard an apology. “This could be our only chance.”

“It can’t be.” You moved forward, desperate. “It can’t be our only chance, we’ll figure something out, I know we can, we just need to--” You were babbling and stepping closer and your hands reached out to grab his arms, to shake him, to knock some sense into all of them, and then Alby’s low, commanding voice rang out, ordering everyone to sit, and you were left standing, crying, terrified, and so, so, so alone.

“If anyone wants to see the note, there.” Alby dropped it onto the table. Across from you, Gally picked it up, scanned it, and passed it to the boy next to him, Winston. From Winston to Billy to Clint to Frypan to Ozzy to Doug to Zart to Leon. To you. With trembling hands, you held the note, saw the words, tried to read them and make sense of them, only nothing made sense at all.

Sacrifice Y/N to the Maze. Sacrifice Y/N. Sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice.

The more you repeated it in your head, the less real it sounded. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening.

“We have to make a decision,” Alby said.

Lungs squeezing painfully, you tried to speak. No words came out.

“I think it’s obvious,” Gally said. “Everything changed as soon as she got here. Now the Creators want us to do something, so we should do it.” He sounded more certain the more he spoke, his voice and words building to a persuasive, powerful crescendo.

“We could get out,” Winston added eagerly.

Clint pushed back his chair and slowly rose to his feet. He looked uncomfortable being the center of attention. One of his hands stayed on the table, scrambling for support. “I think it’s important,” he said, “that we think this through and give it the weight it deserves. This is someone’s life we’re talking about.”

It’s my life, you wanted to scream. I’ve tried to be a part of your group! I’m a Glader!

Clint continued. “But we also have to think about everyone else, too. I’m sorry, Y/N, I really am. But your sacrifice could mean that everyone else here can live.” Clint sunk back into his seat. “My vote is to obey the Creators.”

“Clint--” You were drowned out by Gally and Winston and Billy agreeing, formally voting to kill you. Gally nodded down at Ozzy, the Keeper of the Bricknicks, and then Ozzy said, “I vote to obey the Creators too.”

Leon agreed next. Leon, the Keeper of the Maps, who you’d spoken to nearly every day since becoming a Runner. Leon, who you’d sometimes traded jokes with and complimented for his drawing skills. Leon, who, after voting, said, “I’ve spent all of my time in the Glade trying to get out,” like it was an explanation you wanted to hear. Like it would mean it was okay for them to throw your life away. He wouldn’t look at you, still standing, half-slumped against the table as your legs wobbled with each vote that damned you to being ripped apart by Grievers.

“Guys, please,” you said, or you thought you said, but maybe they didn’t hear because now Frypan was standing up.

“I haven’t seen a Griever up close, I don’t know what it’s like in the Maze, and I don’t know what it’s like to patch up people who have done all of that. I know that Y/N’s a Glader. That’s all I need. I vote no.” Frypan nodded at you and sat back down, his normally easy-going face creased in deep thought.

One voice. One against six. But one was all you needed; one gave you a shot of strength, enough for you to straighten up, to open your mouth, to instead hear Doug say, “I haven’t done any of that either but I know that I don’t want to spend another goddamn minute in this Glade. I vote yes.”

The room spun. You looked down at your hands, found them in your lap, realized you were sitting but couldn’t remember ever doing so. Everything was slipping through your fingers so fast, too fast, impossibly fast.

Seven.

“My vote doesn’t matter much now,” Zart began, his words ponderous and slow. “But I vote no.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms, as if daring anyone to question him.

Gally turned his attention to Alby and Newt instead. “So we’re doing it?”

Alby frowned. Newt buried his face in his hands. You thought you might pass out.

“Seven is a majority. It doesn’t matter our votes,” Alby said. “Or Minho’s.”

“Or mine.” The table turned to you. “I don’t get a say in any of this? It’s my life.” You knew your voice was too high-pitched, too warbled, too girlish to be taken seriously. You swallowed and it came out even more panicked. “You can’t just kill me with a one-vote difference, you can’t just--”

“It wouldn’t be a one-vote difference. I vote to obey the Creators.” Alby stared unwaveringly at you. “Newt agreed before the Gathering. That makes it nine to four, assuming Minho would vote not to obey.”

“Why?” It came out strangled and mangled and desperate.

“For the Glade,” Alby responded.

Newt suddenly looked up, shaking his head. “No, no, I take my vote back. I vote no. We can’t do this, Alby.”

“Eight to five. The majority says to obey. It happens tonight.”

“Alby--” “Alby, please,” You and Newt protested together, but Alby’s voice boomed over both of yours. “Gathering over. Gally, Winston, take Y/N to the Pit until tonight.”

Newt stood up too fast and stumbled, nearly crashing into the table. “We can’t put her in the Pit!”

The sound of arguing and chairs being pushed back washed over you, filling your ears with white noise. Chills raced up and down your spine, sending a clamminess to your hands and feet. You were going to die. You were going to be torn apart by Grievers, the very monsters you’d spent so much time running away from. It was almost ironic, really, and you almost laughed until you realized it was a sob, until you realized there were tears streaming down your face and there were two sets of hands grabbing you by the arms and hoisting you up and leading you out of the room and down the hall, practically dragging you for all of the good your feet did. And then you were in the doorway of a dark, windowless room, and Newt was standing in front of you. He enveloped you in a hug, spewing apologies about the vote and the room and your fate. All too soon, he pulled away. You saw his brown eyes and tear-streaked face. You saw the door close. You saw darkness.

You sagged to the floor and cried.

Hours passed. The room had no windows for you to watch the sun move across the sky, silently counting down to the end of your life. You had tried a few times to shove the door open,  but you only succeeded in bursting out between two strong Gladers. After the first time, they were ready for any attempt of yours to sprint past. Sometimes their voices would seep through the cracks in the wood. Apologies and excuses and pleas for you to please, just please, do this one thing for the Glade and help them all survive.

Part of you thought they were right. What if your sole purpose was to be a sacrifice? But then you thought of Minho and running and laughing and the few flickering memories you had from before the Glade, of an older couple smiling at you or the warm feeling of being loved, and you remembered how it felt to be alive. And you knew that it wasn’t right, it wasn’t fair, for anyone but you to get to decide your death.

Your time alone helped you think. It helped you settle yourself, calm your mind, and dry your tears. But as soon as the door opened and you saw the sunlight fading from the hallway, all of your carefully planned entreaties faded from your lips. Your throat went dry with impending doom.

“It’s time. Alby’s waiting by the Maze,” one of the Gladers said. You didn’t even know who he was. Why hadn’t you gotten closer to him? To all of them? Maybe if you hadn’t been so solitary, maybe you could have...or they could have...or maybe...

“What’s your name?” you heard yourself ask as the guards flanked you down the hall.

He gave you a look of confusion. “Rob.”

“Rob,” you repeated. Rob led the way outside. You glanced over your shoulder at the other Glader. “What about you?”

“I’m David,” the one behind you answered. He hastened to walk beside you. David had stubby legs, two of his steps matching one of yours. You picked up your pace. Rob matched it easily; David lagged.

Over the Glade, the sun was nearly below the horizon. Gladers milled about but kept their distance from you, trying not to stare at the doomed prisoner. It was like you were already dead. And no one cared.

The wall loomed high above you, growing as your entourage got closer and closer. Huddled near one of the entrances was a group of Gladers. When you neared a hundred feet away from them, you slowed. David followed suit immediately. Rob’s lengthy strides shortened.

“David, Rob,” you addressed them by name, not looking at either even as they faced you. “Thanks for walking with me.” Then you bolted for the Maze.

David had no chance of catching up to you, Rob was just stunned enough to give you the head start you needed, and the group of Gladers only shouted as you closed the distance to the door.

My choice, the pounding of your feet seemed to shout. My choice. My life. You may have been minutes away from death, but you had never felt so alive. Adrenaline flooded your body. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up. All of the cold fear had been replaced by the warmth of energy. One last choice, you thought. The open door called to you. 20 feet. 5 feet. You’d just crossed the entrance when one voice made itself known above the crowd.

“Y/N!”

Every muscle tensed, you spun around to see Minho sprinting after you, the group of Gladers following, none as fast as your partner. He crashed into you with the tightest hug of your life. Your body reacted before your mind knew how; you hugged him back.

“I couldn’t let you go without seeing you,” Minho blurted, his lips an inch from your ear. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t…” he trailed off. Loosening his hold, he pulled back enough to see your face. He stared at you like he wanted to memorize you. “I’m going with you.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am, Y/N, I can’t let you do this yourself. With two of us we could--”

“Die. We’d both die.” You pulled him close again, burying your head back in the crook of his neck, hating the fear in his eyes. You’d wanted your last memory of him to be a smile, not this.

He spoke more softly now. “If we had supplies, I bet we could do it. I’ll raid the kitchen, the Med-jack Hut, bring us weapons. We could find the way out. You don’t have to die. You can’t die.”

You wanted him to stop talking, because you couldn’t extinguish the little flame of hope blooming in your chest if he kept feeding it. “Minho-”

Minho cut you off. “You can do this, Y/N. You’re fast, faster than me, and a hell of a lot smarter than all of these shanks combined. Survive the night. Survive the night and I can bring you supplies tomorrow.” His voice had an edge to it, a fierce desperation you’d never heard from Minho. Inside his encouragement, he was pleading with you. “Fuck, Y/N, please survive the night. Meet me at the intersection past the west door when the sun rises. I fell there the first time we ran together, remember? I said it was because you ran funny and it made me lose concentration but it was actually because you looked so beautiful in the sunrise that I couldn’t think.” He took a deep breath. Your heart beat too quickly, running on hope and support and maybe a little bit of love. When Minho spoke again, his voice was solemn, “I’ll find you, I swear to God. We’ll figure it out together. We’ll get out together.”

“I’ll survive.” You were lying. “I’ll try.” Was that another lie? Everything was moving too quickly.

Alby’s voice stopped you from thinking any further. “It’s time,” he intoned. 

From your place in Minho’s arms, you saw that the group of Gladers, composed mostly of Keepers, had surrounded you in a semicircle. The way forward was blocked; your only way out was the Maze.

You and Minho separated slowly. Behind you, the Maze rumbled. Still, Minho held your hand in his, looking physically pained. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he said, hoping, desperate, pleading. 

You nodded.

Minho shook his head. “Please say it back, Y/N. Please.”

You glanced at the door starting to close, then at Alby, who stared hard-eyed at you and motioned for the Gladers to press in. You couldn’t find Newt in the crowd. Minho’s hand was heavy and warm in yours. Comforting.

With your last moments in the Glade, you darted close to Minho, pressed your lips to his cheek, and then slipped away from him, entering the Maze. The door thudded closed behind you. The sun had set. You were alone.

[harrywritingsbyme]

The Shark Stuffie

Anonymous Said: my life’s been pretty shit recently and I’m so stressed rn and my anxiety is through the roof meaning I can’t sleep either..could you maybe write something small about harry comforting you and coaxing you to sleep with sweet coos💕

Based Off Of This Ask

And This One 

A/N: I feel like I haven't written some fluff in a LONG ass time...like the last pure fluff piece I wrote was all the way back in the beginning of January. That’s lowkey due to my vibes being off, my lack of motivation to do just about anything, and the fact that my writing schedule has been rearranged too many times. Either way tho...I hope y'all like this fic, it’s rlly cute and softtt and it’s definitely relatable for many of us. Enjoyy🙃

3.5k wordss

You had a bit of an obsession with animal documentaries. There was just something about them that just drew you in and captivated you. Whenever you watched the films or shows, you were always glued to the screen and utterly fascinated with the creatures being displayed before your eyes. Whenever you watched them with Harry, he’d always tease you about your obsession and being completely glued to the screen, jokingly saying that you were more in love with the animals than you were with him. Which couldn’t have been the farthest thing from the truth of course. But in true Y/n fashion, instead of just shooting his far fetched claims down, you would always tease him back; saying that you were in fact madly in love with whatever animal was on the screen at that moment, and that if he wanted to reclaim his number one spot on your list of loves, he’d have to put in some serious work. And then over the following couple of minutes, the two of you would go on to further the banter, trying to land the snarkiest little remark and “win”...even though it wasn’t even a competition to begin with. Sometimes you two were able to go a good while going back and forth on who you loved the most, Harry or the animals and their documentaries. Other times, and most times for that matter, you two would just burst into a fit of laughs before snuggling up together for the rest of the documentary. You of course rewinding it to play back anything you missed when your attention was on Harry. 

Which speaking of Harry, he thought your obsession with animals and the documentaries was the most precious and adorable thing thing in the entire world. He couldn’t (and never wanted to for that matter) get the image of your face lighting up when you watched the documentaries or discovered that a new one had come out for you to watch. He loved how happy and at ease you were when you watched the animal documentaries. On top of the fact that Harry loved how happy you got when watching the documentaries, Harry was slowly growing a little bit of an obsession with the documentaries too. And because of that, not only did he suggest making you guys’ date nights animal documentaries nights, but he also began to feed your obsession by means of plushies. If you two watched a documentary on giraffes, he’d be on the hunt for the cutest little giraffe plushie the entire week after and leading up to you guys’ next date night. And if you were going on and on about a particular animal he’d try to find the cutest plushy to get for you to add to your collection. Most times Harry was able to get lucky and find the cutest plushy for the animal you were obsessed with at the moment. But there were also times where he wasn’t so lucky. Either the animal was too exotic to be in stuffed animal form, or it wasn’t cute enough for Harry’s liking. He took his job of feeding your animal obsession very seriously. 

But either way, plushy or no plushy, you were just happy to enjoy and share your love of animal documentaries with your boyfriend who you loved even more. And Harry, whether or not he’d be able find the perfect plushy, was always going to do his very best to put an even bigger smile on your face. Even if it meant having to get a little creative at times. 

Now for the first time in the five or so months you’ve been obsessed with animals and watching the documentaries, you were stuck on one animal; Sharks. You weren’t quite sure as to what was so fascinating about the incredibly deadly creature but you couldn’t get enough of them. You were watching documentary after documentary on them and you even went as far as to find and watch old shark week episodes. You were quite obsessed to say the least. For the past, just about two weeks when you and Harry had your weekly animal documentary night/date night, you’d turn on something about sharks. Which prompted Harry to go out and find the perfect plushies to add to your collection. He managed to find the cutest one online the thought you’d love and he immediately placed his order so that it would arrive as soon as possible. While he waited for that stuffed animal to arrive, Harry figured you’d be onto the next animal. But no, the following week you were still obsessed with sharks. Which meant that a knot her shark plushy would be coming your way in no time. So once again, Harry went back on the “prowl” for the best shark plushies out there, spending the better part of his Wednesday evening looking for the perfect one. 

After looking through the pages of plushies, hoping to find one that he could buy in-store, Harry finally found the one. It was a fairly big shark plushy, and from the photos it looked to be pretty cute, and it seemed to be very soft. All of Harry’s boxes were checked off. But the ultimate selling point for it though, was the fact that it was weighted. See, you had really bad anxiety. Your mind was constantly racing, you were constantly worrying about things and what could go wrong, and you couldn’t stop overanalyzing everything and the decision you made. It was hard for you to get rest, even when you were exhausted and in dire need of a good nights sleep. And your preexisting anxiety was only exacerbated by school. One of the things that made your mind and body all calm down in those moments where you were completely overloaded and inundated with anxiety and stress was your weighted blanket. It kind of forced you to take time out for yourself and relax, and feel comfortable, taking your mind off of the stresses that were fueling the fire of your anxiety. It was honestly like a much needed big hug and was absolutely perfect when you couldn’t exactly have Harry, your ultimate anxiety and stress reliever. 

And on the topic of school, you were drowning. You were having a very rough week to say the least. Your to do list grew longer and longer as the days passed, and you were pretty sure your anxiety had reached an all time high and was on the path to reaching another record high. This week you had so many academic responsibilities you had to take care of, on top of all the things you had to do and wanted to do when it came to your personal life. You felt like every time you got one thing accomplished, two or three more things were thrown at you and demanded your attention. No matter how hard you tried to put things on a schedule and properly manage your time, a sudden wrench would be thrown into your plans and screw everything up; making your life increasingly difficult to navigate. Just the idea of school caused your anxiety to flare up. So to add everything you had to do for school this week along with your other responsibilities on top of that was quite much for you to handle. You didn’t even have the time, let alone the energy, to even have a proper breakdown and let it all out. You’d simply shed a few tears, take a deep breath, take a sip of your water, and push your feelings of being overwhelmed and tired to the side so that you could get shit done. The only things that brought you some type of relief this week were your weighted blanket, Harry’s comforting words, and you guys’ Friday night date night. And the plushies Harry told you he had for you.

When Harry spoke to you throughout the week and listened to how your week was going and how horrible it was going for you, he made it his mission to give you everything you needed when you came over on Friday night so that you can throw the terrible week you had away and have a relaxing and stress-free weekend. Once Friday finally arrived for you two, Harry spent most of the day just getting everything ready for when you came over. He went out and picked up all your favorite snacks, food, and anything else you liked, along with the weighted shark plushy and a new weighted blanket for you. You on the other hand were laser-focused on your school work and anything else that needed to be taken care of. You wanted to get everything done so that you’d have to spend no time whatsoever over the weekend doing anything besides being with Harry and relaxing your entire being. The only thing keeping you going today was the weekend Harry had planned for you. That’s it. And once you finally cleared your plate later on in the day, you dashed right over to Harry. You couldn’t wait any longer to watch your shark documentary with Harry and your new, no doubt, shark plushies.

 When you get to Harry’s place, you practically break the door down and you nearly knocked Harry off his feet from how you ran in and immediately nestled yourself into him. It was nearly five minutes before the two of you even verbally greeted each other. At that moment, you just wanted to be held. Harry was the sure-fire way to calm you down when you were going through a major bout of anxiety. His presence alone made you feel safe and okay. You had your arms locked around his midsection, keeping your grasp on him as tight as possible. Almost as if you were afraid that he was going to float away from you. And Harry didn’t mind this one bit, nor did he hesitate to wrap you up in his arms and just hold you just as tight and close to him. 

“Hi” You mumble into the soft fabric of Harry’s hoodie, breaking the silence between you two.

“Hi baby” He softly replies to you, squeezing you a little bit. 

“Missed you this week.” You continue on, relaxing a bit more into Harry. 

“I missed you too sweets. You had a pretty rough week huh?” Harry coos, continuing to hold you and stroke your back. 

“Mhm…m’so tired.” You sigh. 

“Well how about we get you upstairs and in a nice warm shower to get you relaxed a bit while I bring everything up. And then we can watch one of your documentaries. How does that sound sweets?” Harry proposes. 

“Sounds amazing.” You agree, loosening your grip on Harry in the process. 

“Then let’s get you upstairs” He then proceeds to loosen his grip around you as well before guiding you from the front door and up the stairs. Once you’re all squared away and in the shower, Harry moves his setup in the living room upstairs in the bedroom, hiding the little gifts he got for you on the floor on his side of the bed. Harry also lays out some clothes for you to throw on. You had your own drawer and everything, but even though that was the case, you still went right to his clothes. So Harry didn’t even bother going through your drawer for anything. After laying out your clothes and everything you needed for when you’re all done with your shower, Harry orders what you told him you wanted for dinner before you got in the shower. Which ends up being a good thirty minutes. It was just so nice to have some time to yourself and not have to stress or worry about something you had to get done. It was such a relief to be able to just stand under the running hot water and just not have to think. The steaming hot water melted the caked-on stress from the week and just rinsed it away, making you feel so much better than you did when you first walked through the door. 

It was also a relief to walk out of the bathroom and into your boyfriend's bedroom with everything waiting for you. When you stepped out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, you stepped into this warm and cozy atmosphere Harry created for you. The bed is all warm and comfy, and extremely inviting. He had your clothes and all your post-shower stuff laid out for you on the bed. Harry even had one of your favorite candles lit on the bedside table. The tv was even on with an array of animal documentaries for you to pick from. Up until he had to rush downstairs to get the takeout he ordered for you two, Harry helped you get all settled in bed. And when he comes back upstairs, this time with the food you (and your stomach) were beyond excited for, you were all done getting ready and tucked right under the covers waiting for him to come back.  

Harry quickly shuffles across the room to sit the food down onto the bed before lifting the little basket he filled to the brim with your favorite little snacks up onto the bed, making you even happier than you were already, and hopping into bed with you. He then hands you the remote, giving you the power to choose whichever documentary you wanted to watch, along with a small peck to your cheek, marking the official start to you guys’ date night/relaxing weekend. While you and Harry watch the first documentary of the night together, you’re intently watching the screen just like always as you happily stuff your mouth with the delicious food in front of you. As you watched the documentary, Harry on the other hand couldn’t help but sit back and just watch you. He was so happy to see you all relaxed and peaceful, opposed to being all stressed out and anxiety-ridden like you were when you first came over.

By the end of the first film, you and Harry are completely done with your food and have moved on to clearing off the bed so that you two can cuddle and possibly fall asleep during the next one. Once the bed is all clear and free for you and Harry to move around, you two immediately move in closer and get nice and comfortable in each other before starting the next shark-related documentary.

“Thank you so much for all of this Harry.” You thank him, breaking your focus on the tv and shifting it to Harry.

“Anything for you sweets” Harry coos, turning his attention away from the tv as well. “I hate it when you’re going through it, especially when I cant be there to help you get through. So I just wanted to give you a nice relaxing and calm weekend for you to just feel better.” He explains.

“I love you Harry.” You hum, lifting your head up from his chest to peer up at him. You weren’t able to fully comprehend why and how you even deserved such an amazing boyfriend who always wanted to make you happy when you were sad and not doing okay, and even happier when you were already beaming. He was one of the best things in your life, and one of the few that didn’t stress you out. 

“I love you too baby.” Harry whispers, looking down at you and locking eyes with yours. The same way you felt like Harry’s mere existence made everything at least feel better, Harry felt the exact same way. So whenever you were going through it and not doing okay, Harry didn’t take that lightly. He always made sure to do everything in his power to get you to a better place. 

When Harry puckers his lips in your direction, you immediately lock yours with them, sucking you both into a love-filled little kiss. It was nice and soft for the atmosphere you and Harry were in, but it wasn’t incredibly slow, nor it did it feel rushed or like it was lasting forever. It was perfect.

“I got you something baby!” Harry whispers excitedly upon pulling away from your lips, tapping at your sides for you to sit up.

“You told me they were plushies.” You reply, excited to see what he picked for you this time. Harry always managed to get you the cutest little stuffed animals so you were really excited to see what he got you this time. 

“Yup! And here’s the first one.” Harry says, leaning down to pick up and reveal to you the regular plushy he found for you the first time.

“Oh my goodness! That’s too adorable!” You coo, holding up and looking at the adorable little shark Harry got for you. It was absolutely amazing and you were so so so excited to see the next one. 

“Ready for the next one? I think you’re gonna like this one the most.” Harry says, causing you to immediately nod your head in response. “M’gonna need you to close your eyes too.” He instructs.

Once your eyes are closed, Harry leans down and picks up the weighted and fairly big shark plushy before sitting it in your lap. He then grabs the new weighted blanket he got for you and sits it between you both before instructing you to open your eyes.

When you see what Harry placed into your lap, you could instantly feel the tears welling up in your eyes. It was like Harry knew exactly what you wanted and needed. You absolutely loved your weighted blanket and you always used it, even when you weren’t in need of something to calm your anxiety. You also loved plushies, even before you were heavily into animals and Harry was finding you all sorts of plushies. They brought you some much-needed serotonin whenever you were feeling down and they were your little cuddle buddies. So to have a weighted one, a combination of everything that never failed to calm your anxiety down was absolutely amazing and you couldn’t have been more happy and appreciative. That’s why you just couldn’t help it when you started crying. You wasted absolutely no time wrapping Harry in the biggest hug, thanking him over and over for the plushy. But it wasn’t long until you just broke down. 

“You have no idea how much this means to me, I had such a horrible week.” You sob into him.

“I know baby.” He coos, stroking your back as you cried. Even though he hated it when you cried, he knew that you always felt lighter whenever you just let it all out.

“I had panic attacks every day and I didn’t get enough sleep and I didn’t eat much either and I didn’t have you there for cuddles. It was so bad.” You cry, your voice cracking at the end, making Harry only tighten his arms around you. He knew it was a bad week for you, but he didn’t know it was this bad. You only told him but so much over the phone.

“Well I’m here now baby and I’m gonna take good care of you and get you back and feeling better.” Harry promises, continuing to hold you as you cry into him. You were so vulnerable right now and he just wanted you, his baby, to feel better. 

As you continued to cry, you continued to mumble and talk about just how bad your week was and how much he was doing for you helped you feel better. Eventually, you ran out of words and the energy to speak or even cry. So Harry began to whisper sweet little nothings and reassurance that you’re going to be okay and that he’s going to take care of you. And as he did this, Harry could feel your body heave less and less from the crying and the little hiccups that came along with it. Once you’ve calmed down a little and as the sleep begins to overtake you, Harry then unwraps an arm from around you and reaches over to turn out the light and blow out the candle before pulling the covers higher up over you two. He also pulled the plushy and still folded blanket up as well, just in case you wanted either of them.

 “Please don’t watch without me.” You mumble, your voice all nasally and filled with sleep. You were no longer tightly wrapped around Harry, but instead resting on his chest.

“I won’t darling. I just paused it so that we can go back and watch it later on when you’re nice and rested.” Harry replies through a soft chuckle continuing to stroke your back. 

“Pinky promise.” You mumble back, lazily lifting your pinky up from under the covers for Harry to hook his around.

“Pinky promise.” He replies softly, bringing his pinky in to hook it around yours, sealing his promise. “Now get some rest baby.” He whispers, pulling your still intertwined hands down and pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

Masterlist

[fics-n-stuff]

Home - Pt 2

For @glowstick-lesbian, request here

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary: After Y/N finally gets out hiding, it's time to sit down with Kaz and talk through whatever it is that's going on between them.

Word Count: 5.1k

Warnings: Brief talk of Jordie and Kaz's trauma and touch aversion

A/N: Wow this ended up being longer than I intended! I'm so sorry it's taken so long, I was focused on The Bastard's Shadow and Affluenza pts1 + 2, and then I started picking up more shifts at work and got writers block at the same time. I really hope you like how it turned out!! ❤❤

Pt1 here

After the very enlightening visit from Kaz, the days seemed to drag on even slower than before. The next two months went by in a crawl, and no matter how much you buried yourself in work you couldn’t distract from the longing you felt to get out of your apartment.

When your messenger came to deliver the news that your pursuers were willing to come to a truce you had been so happy that you’d gone straight to pour yourself a glass of whisky to celebrate. From then, you counted down the days until the meeting that you set up, the result of which should mean that you were free to roam the city again.

Inej had shown you how to get out of the window and onto the roof months ago. It was your escape route in case of an emergency, but you had used it every now and then just to sit on the roof and enjoy a taste of the outside world. That night, you had climbed out with intention and dressed in your finest coat.

You travelled over the rooftops towards the Government district, where your meeting had been arranged to take place near the Stadhall. The presence of the stadwatch would serve to protect you in case the deal went south.

You had been jittery with a mix of anxiety and excitement when you descended to street level and wended your way through the streets to find three men waiting for you at the Stadhall, all of them tall, broad and commanding. Barrel businessmen that you had crossed one too many times, and no doubt they had been angered that forcing you into hiding hadn’t put a stop to your business.

You were too smart to have not found a way around it; you had to be to run the business that you did. You owned three boarding houses and two bars in the Barrel and two ships that brought in imports from Ravka and Novyi Zem, a squaller as a permanent fixture on the crew of each to whom you paid a fair salary. You’d had Kaz put them under the protection of the Dregs to keep them safe from slavers. On top of all of that, you used your contacts in Ravka, Novyi Zem and other parts of Kerch to help get kids out of the Barrel and into honest work elsewhere. You might operate from the criminal underbelly of Ketterdam, but you made a mostly honest living.

The meeting took longer than you had anticipated. The three men were eager to negotiate territories that you couldn’t conduct business in and items that they didn’t want you to import because it was cutting into their own business. You held firm, you knew what was fair and you would be damned if you let anyone bully you into submission.

In the end, you essentially just agreed not to get in their way, which was easy enough to do. You wouldn’t actively compete with them in the sale of imported goods, and you wouldn’t try to convince any of the lads that they used as runners and grunts to get out of the Barrel. As long as you kept your distance from them you’d be fine, since they were clearly tired of chasing after you.

“Alright then, the deal is the deal.” You said, holding out your hand. All three shook hands with you in turn, echoing the phrase as was customary. When the man in the middle – clearly the leader and the last to shake with you – took your hand, you tightened your grip and leaned forward. “If you try to cheat me after this deal, you will have Dirtyhands to answer to.” You said lowly. He tried not to show his reaction but the fear in his eyes betrayed him, and you released his hand. It wasn’t often that you involved Kaz and his reputation in your affairs, but sometimes it paid to be friends with the most ruthless man in Ketterdam.

You left the meeting with your head held high and took a gondel back to the Barrel. You were approached by a few people who stayed in one of your boarding houses or drank in one of your bars on your walk to the Crow Club, telling you that they had been curious or worried about having not seen you around for so long. You didn’t engage in any conversation beyond polite acknowledgment, too eager to get to the Crow Club.

Inej was the only one that knew that you were getting out tonight. You had told her when she had come to deliver your food for the week and she had promised to try and keep everyone corralled at the Crow Club so that you could make a big entrance, but the later it got the less likely it was that she could keep them all there without raising suspicion.

You practically ran down the last street towards the Crow Club, bursting through the open door and searching the crowd for your friends. Jesper caught sight of you at the same moment that you spotted them all at the bar, and you saw his jaw drop in shock. A huge grin spread on your face as he set his drink down, his sudden change in demeanor getting the attention of the rest of the group and causing them to turn to follow his gaze.

“Y/N?” Jesper called, prompting you into as much of a sprint as you could manage across the crowded floor of the gambling hall. You vaulted yourself into him, wrapping your arms tightly around his lanky frame. “You’re back! How?” He exclaimed, and you laughed as you felt him hug you back and sweep you off of your feet.

“I had a meeting to call a truce. As of tonight I am a free person!”

“We missed you so much!” Nina grinned, prying Jesper’s arms off of you so that she could pull into a hug herself. “Why didn’t you tell us that you were finally coming out of hiding?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” You grinned, pulling away so that you could move to hug Wylan next. “I missed you guys so much too, you have no idea.” You caught sight of Kaz over Wylan’s shoulder, his eyes wide as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. You pointed your smile at him and his lips twitched upwards before he cooled his expression and gave you a simple nod.

Your reunion was spirited to say the least, even Matthias couldn’t help but smile at the fact that you were back. You made them tell you about all of the most significant things that you had missed in the year that you had been trapped inside and update you on any power shifts between the Barrel gangs. Jesper wouldn’t shut up, Wylan was excited to tell you about all of the new explosives and weapons that he had developed, and Nina was making a list of places that she wanted to get lunch together to make up for lost time. It felt amazing to be with them all again.

“Okay! I want to play a few hands of Three Man Bramble before I go.” You announced, pushing your glass away from you after downing the last of its contents.

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” Jesper grinned, slinging an arm around your shoulder and guiding you to a table.

It seemed apt that fortune seemed to be in your favour, winning so consistently that you continued to play even though you knew that you shouldn’t. It felt like every time that you looked up from the table you caught Kaz watching you, and his unashamed gaze made your heart flutter.

After a while you saw him give a slight nod towards the door, an action that meant that it was time to go, and you tucked you lip between you teeth as you gave a subtle nod back and turned your attention back to your cards.

“Unbelievable!” Jesper exclaimed upon seeing that you had won again. “I guess you’re catching up on a year’s worth of luck.”

“Perhaps, but I’m going to quit while I’m ahead.” You smiled, gathering up your winnings. “I need to go and breathe some more fresh air.” You pocketed half of your winnings and pushed the other half around the table to Jesper. “Not too much fun.”

“There’s no such thing as too much fun.” He beamed and pulled you to him so that he could plant a kiss on your cheek. “Good to have you back, Y/N.”

“Good to be back, Jes.” You winked before bounding back to the bar to say goodbye to the rest of your friends. Kaz had already disappeared, no doubt in an attempt to avoid drawing attention to the fact that you were leaving together.

“We’re going to get waffles tomorrow. I will break your door down if I have to.” Nina asserted, practically crushing your ribs in a hug. “Inej, you’re coming too.”

“What about me?” Wylan pouted, and you laughed.

“Everyone’s invited.” You replied, holding his face and turning it towards you so that you could press a soft kiss on his forehead before pulling him in for a hug. “I just got out, I want to spend time with you all!”

You kept your hug with Inej pretty short, considerate of the bad feelings that too much contact could stir up in her, and even managed to coax a hug from Matthias before you headed out. Kaz was waiting not far from the entrance and you smiled as you quickly made your way towards him

“Hey.” You chirped.

“You wanted it to be a surprise, huh?” He questioned, starting towards the Slat. You chuckled.

“I know you’re not a big fan of surprises, Kaz, but I thought this might be a fun one. Why? Were you offended that I told Inej and not you?”

“Did you have anyone go with you to your meeting?”

“No, I didn’t need any backup.”

“Things could have gone badly, and you didn’t tell anyone about it.”

“Well things didn’t go badly.” You rebutted. “I’m here, I’m fine, and I surprised you all.”

“You shouldn’t put yourself in danger like that.” Kaz said flatly, ignoring your point, and you groaned loudly at his stubbornness.

“If it makes you feel better, I made sure to drop your name in to intimidate them. But I can handle my own business.”

You hopped along the cobblestones playfully, irrationally happy to be back out on the filthy and foul smelling streets of the Barrel, but even the stink couldn’t dampen your joy at finally being free. You were sure that you and Kaz probably looked like a bizarre pair walking together now, him with his stoic exterior and identifying limp next to your childlike joy, though you had taken after him fashion wise with your smart attire and well-fitted, black coat.

Walking back to the Slat with Kaz took you in the opposite direction to your home – now that you were out of hiding you could finally return to where you actually lived in a house on the boundary of East Stave and the Zelver District – but you wanted to talk to Kaz, and he wouldn’t have asked you to leave with him if he didn’t want to talk to you too. Nevertheless, you continued the rest of the walk in silence.

When you got to the Slat, Kaz continued straight up to his room while you lingered on the ground floor to say hello to some of the Dregs that you were more friendly with. The noise of the Slat was unfamiliar to you after so long, but you had kind of missed the rowdiness of it.

You followed upstairs shortly after. Kaz had left his door ajar for you and you could see him sat at his desk through the opening.

“Shut the door behind you.” He said as you slipped inside, and you heard the door click as you push it shut after yourself.

“You wanna talk to me?” You questioned, walking over to lean on the side of the desk casually. “Or did you just want some time to look at my gorgeous face?” He did look up at you then, his eyes darting around to take in the entirety of your face, and you felt your heart flutter.

“How did your meeting go? What deals did you make?” He asked. You sighed. It wasn’t new that Kaz was asking about your business, he liked to know about what you were doing the same way that he liked to know about literally everything else, but you had hoped that this conversation would be a little less mundane than that. You had hoped that he might express an iota of joy that you were back.

“I can’t dock my ships in 3rd Harbour anymore.” You shrugged. “So I’ll stick to 2nd for imports going into the morning market, mostly 5th for everything else. There’s a few streets that I need to keep my business off of, and obviously I can’t try and undermine their operations anymore. That doesn’t mean that I won’t, it just means that I’ll be smarter about not getting caught.”

“And what do you get from them?”

“They leave me alone. I don’t need more than that. I mean, their terms are hardly going to impede my business anyway.”

“And your insurance?”

“You.” You smiled sweetly. “Very few people are bold enough to cross someone that has Kaz Brekker on side.”

“I thought you prided yourself on running an honest business.”

“I do. My association with you doesn’t make my business any less legit. I’m more honest than most of the Merchant Council anyway.”

“That’s fair.” He conceded with a slight nod.

Kaz had visited you a few times since the night that you had both let on about how much you cared about each other, but you hadn’t talked about it. It felt like the tension between you had been building and building like an elastic band ready to snap. It was driving you crazy.

“Anything else that you want to talk about?” You hinted. Kaz let out a long breath, his eyes sliding away from you for a moment. You could tell that he wanted to talk about it but he was struggling to get it out. “Because you haven’t told me that you’re glad I’m back yet.”

“I am glad that you’re back.” He affirmed, then he took a hard swallow. “We all missed you.” You smiled brightly at that.

You could hear the crows moving around on the half-roof outside of Kaz’s window and crossed the room to perch on the windowsill. There hadn’t been anywhere for the birds to land in the apartment that you had been cooped up in.

“Can I stay here for a while? I don’t want to be alone again just yet.” You said softly, tucking one knee up against your chest as you watched the birds through the glass.

“Sure.” Kaz answered.

You sat in silence for a while after that, which wasn’t unusual for you two. Before you had gone into hiding, you had spent many evenings with Kaz in his office just like this. Tonight felt different though. Something had opened between the two of you and now you couldn’t close it. The feeling permeated every corner of the room until you felt like you might explode if you didn’t break this silence, but, to your surprise, Kaz spoke first.

“I’ve been thinking about that day that I saw you outside the Crow Club.”

“Why?” You asked, blinking in surprise. Kaz was still facing forward at his desk, back turned to you, but his pen had stilled over the page.

“I watched you for a while, deciding whether to chase you off or recruit you for the Dregs.” He continued, ignoring your question. You were used to that too. “You were good at pickpocketing – you could spot a good mark, distracted them by pretending to beg for pennies – but you stayed in one place for too long.”

“I know, you told me at the time.” You smiled amusedly.

“I was just planning on telling you exactly that, but after I got your attention and you looked at me I knew that I had seen you before. It was in your eyes.” He turned around to look at you then, his gaze finding yours immediately. “Your eyes never changed.”

Kaz’s eyes had. Maybe that was why you hadn’t recognised him. Kaz Rietveld had eyes full of wonder and warmth, that were curious about everything and shone when he was happy. Kaz Brekker's eyes were cold, they held secrets. The curiosity had become analytical, and the shine had turned into a devious glint. Kaz Rietveld didn’t exist anymore, the R tattoo on Kaz’s bicep was the only relic of him, and you were the only one left to remember him.

“Crows remember the faces of those that are kind.” He finished softly.

“And that’s why you took me in? Because I was kind?”

“Because we were friends. We are friends.”

“Just friends?” You murmured, a challenge in your eyes. It wasn’t a provoking challenge, more of an encouraging one. You wanted to know where he stood and you wanted him to be able to tell you. He was silent for a long stretch.

“Would we ever be able to be more?” He asked. You knew what he meant. Kaz had built up so many walls that he didn’t know how to let down, and he knew that about himself. It was how he had survived, but it was a way of being that wasn’t very conducive to relationships. He didn’t think that he could do it.

“That depends on you.” You answered with a soft smile. “Because I’m not looking anywhere else.” Kaz swallowed and looked away quickly, but you swore that you had seen a hint of a blush in his cheeks.

A knock came at the door, and you cursed whoever was on the other side in your head.

“What is it?” Kaz called.

“There’s a man downstairs says he has a job for you.” Specht’s voice came through the wood. “Won’t talk to no one else but you.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Kaz replied, then muttered something under his breath bitterly. You heard the creak of Specht's retreating footsteps and Kaz turned to you. “Will you wait until I get back?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

You watched Kaz leave the room and let out a long sigh once the door had closed behind him. You were finally talking about whatever it was that was between the two of you and you just had to get interrupted.

You shed your coat, dropping it lazily on the floor next to you, and rolled up your shirt sleeves. Despite the pressure put on you from some members of the Dregs, you had never gotten the crow and cup tattoo on your forearm. You had known from the start that you didn’t want to belong to the gang, no matter how thankful you were for the help that Kaz had given you.

When you had realised who it really was that had approached you that night outside the Crow Club, you had been shocked. He knew your name when he spoke to you, though he had seemed unsure of it, and you had furrowed your brow and asked if you knew him.

“It’s Kaz.” He had said, and you had blinked.

“Kaz Rietveld?” You had whispered in disbelief. His jaw had clenched, his shoulders stiffened.

“That’s not my name anymore.” He snapped. “It’s Kaz Brekker now.”

When you asked him why he had changed his name he had simply told you that it was easier that way. When you asked him about why he was in Ketterdam he had answered that his father had died and they had sold the farm. When you asked about Jodie he didn’t answer.

He had walked you to the Slat, told you not to talk to anyone, and brought you up to this very room. You had trusted him enough to follow. Despite his proud presence in the Barrel, despite the fact that he was walking you into the den of a gang, despite the fact that he was almost unrecognisable from the Kaz that you knew as a child, you had trusted him. And in the years that followed, he had never broken that trust.

He had helped you pay for the first boarding house that you purchased, come with you to the bank when you took out the loan to buy your first ship, had come to the harbour to see you off the first time that you had gone to Ravka.

Kaz had once reminded you of something from your childhood while around the other Crows, and once it had slipped that you and Kaz had been friends when you were young, people were constantly asking you about what he had been like. He never told anybody anything about himself and people had been eager to find a source of information on him, but most people had quickly come to realise that you weren’t going to say anything either. Kaz had never thanked you for your discretion, but you knew that he was glad for it.

If you were honest with yourself, you had found yourself drawn to him ever since you got your first glimpse through his cold and uncaring exterior and saw his loyal and protective nature. The pull had only grown since.

Your thoughts were broken by the sound of the door opening, and you looked over to watch Kaz enter. The door clicked shut behind him and he moved to the wash basin directly across the room from the window that you were sat in, set down his cane and pulled off his gloves .

“A good job?” You asked. He shrugged.

“A job that I’ll do.” He answered and began unbuttoning his shirt. You tried not ogle as he pulled it off and picked up the washcloth from the basin, but you caught sight of a reddened stripe of raised skin across his side and furrowed your brows.

“When did that happen?”

“A few days ago.”

“How deep did it go?”

“Not too deep.”

“It doesn’t look like you stitched it up properly.”

“It’s fine.” He dismissed. You rolled your eyes and got up from the window ledge. Kaz never took proper care of himself but he was always too stubborn to admit it.

“Let me see.”

“I said it’s fine, Y/N-"

“Kaz.” You interrupted sternly, meeting his eyes in the mirror. “I said let me see.” He held your gaze for a moment before letting out a huff and raising his arm so that you could get a better view of the wound.

You kept your distance as you looked over the injury, but you could clearly see that the stitches were sloppy on the end of the gash towards his back; the side that he couldn’t reach easily himself.

“You’re keeping it clean?”

“I know how to treat a wound.” He grumbled.

“I know that you know how, that doesn’t mean that I actually trust you to do it. You didn’t even have it bandaged or anything, what if it gets infected?”

“It won’t, Y/N, stop worrying so much.”

“Well, if you’re not going to worry about yourself then somebody else has to.” You exasperated. “At least bandage it.” You didn’t wait for a reply before you crossed over to the cabinet where he kept his impressive stock of medical supplies and grabbed a roll of gauze. Kaz caught it grudgingly when you tossed it to him and set it to the side while he finished washing his torso.

“You worry too much.” He muttered.

“It’s good for you.” You smiled.

You watched him as he unrolled the gauze and wrapped it around his body, carefully laying it over the wound with pale fingers that you rarely saw. He was precise, but he couldn’t see his back and the bandage twisted as he moved it between his hands.

“It’s folded.” You told him softly, taking half a step towards him. “I can fix it... if you want.” There was a beat of silence before Kaz nodded slightly.

You moved towards him slowly and reached for him even slower, your eyes constantly flicking back to the mirror to gauge the reaction on Kaz’s face. Your fingertips barely brushed over his back as you unfolded the downturned piece of bandage and you immediately stepped away when you were done. It took no more than a few seconds, but you could hear Kaz’s short breaths and when you looked at him in the mirror you could see that he had paled.

You picked up the clean shirt that was laid on his bed and held it out to him at full arms length. His hand shook as he took it from you. He pulled it on quickly, making short work of the buttons, and pulled his gloves back on hastily.

“Sorry.” You mumbled, though you weren’t exactly sure what you were apologising for.

“It’s because of Jordie.” Kaz’s voice was hoarse when he spoke, his eyes trained on his shoes. “Why I can’t touch anyone. It’s because when he died...”

“You don’t have to tell me, Kaz.” You said softly when he trailed off. He shook his head slightly and cleared his throat, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds.

“When Jordie died, I was sick too. It was the Queen's Lady plague. One night, I fell asleep in an alley and woke up on the Reaper's Barge.” He swallowed thickly, wringing his hands together thoughtlessly, and you could see sweat forming on his brow. “When my fever broke, I had to swim back to the harbour, and Jordie... whenever someone touches me, all I can feel is those corpses.”

Silence hung between you as you tried to find the words to respond. It was a lot of information to take in, but suddenly things made sense. Now you understood why Kaz had become the way that he was; why he was prone to shutting people out, why the light behind his eyes had dimmed.

“Kaz, I... I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay.” He muttered. “I have work to do. You’re welcome to stay as long as you’d like.” He crossed the room to sit down at his desk, his movements tense. You watched him for a minute, unsure of what to do. It felt wrong to leave him alone right now, but you didn’t know if he would want you to stay.

“I’m sailing to Novyi Zem next week.” You said. It was the first topic that you could think of. “I’d really appreciate it if you could look over the rent ledgers while I’m gone.”

“Sure.” He replied flatly. Silence again.

“Will you come with us all to get waffles tomorrow?”

“I have work to do, and Nina didn’t invite me anyway.”

“Yeah, well, the celebration is for me and I’d really like for you to be there.” You smiled slightly. “She probably didn’t invite you because she knew you’d say no.”

“Smart of her.” Kaz responded, and you let out a frustrated huff.

“Don’t do that, Kaz. Don’t shut me out.” You complained. He didn’t answer at all. You folded your arms over your chest and went to stand beside his chair. “I don’t care that you can’t touch people, it doesn’t bother me. You went through trauma and that’s not your fault. What is bothering me is that you’re choosing to stay closed off to everyone. You can’t keep your walls up forever, you’ll kill yourself trying.”

“I can’t handle it, Y/N.” He snapped, his voice low. The gravel in his voice might have intimidated you into backing off if you weren’t so adamant on getting through to him.

“You’ll never be able to handle it if you don’t start trying.” You insisted. “Maybe if you’d just admit to yourself that you care about people it wouldn’t be so hard to see that we care about you too.”

Kaz pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut tightly, and released a long breath. You watched him, waiting for a response, not backing down. After a moment of silence, he glanced up at you.

“I can’t need anyone.” He said slowly. “Not after Jordie. I can’t let myself need anyone else.”

“You don’t have to need me, Kaz. You just have to want me.” You replied softly. His head snapped towards you and you actually saw his pupils dilate for the few seconds that he held your gaze before quickly turning away again. You hadn’t meant it like that, but you weren’t upset that he’d heard it that way.

“I don’t deserve you.” He muttered. You leaned against his desk, a sympathetic smile on your face even though he wasn’t looking at you.

“I’ve been around this long, I’m not going anywhere.” You promised. “There’s more to love about you than you think.”

Kaz tapped on his desk with a finger, a nervous action that he would usually suppress. Then, he took a sharp inhale and turned back to you.

“Okay.” He breathed. “I can try.” You bit down on your tongue in an attempt to suppress your grin, but you couldn’t stop the smile that stretched across your face.

“That’s all I ask.” You lilted. You stood up straight, pushing off of the desk and starting across the room to the window. You rolled your shirt sleeves down and snatched your coat up from the floor. “I’m going to head home. I expect to see you at my door promptly at eleven bells tomorrow morning, ready to get waffles.”

“Alright.” He nodded, breathing a single light laugh.

“Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

“Here, Y/N, these are for you.” He said quickly, picking up and couple of envelopes from his desk and holding them up for you. “You’ll have to make sure to notify your business partners of your change in mailing address.” You chuckled, going to take the letters from him, and he gave a small smirk as he handed them over.

“Thank you.” You smiled, before turning and heading to the door. “Eleven bells, Brekker. I know you’re a punctual man.”

“I’ll be there.” He affirmed. “Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Kaz.” You echoed softly before stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind you, a fond smile on your lips.