#my brain still doesn’t comprehend that this is real

[thecrxwclub]

if you think i’m ever going to be over this you are sorely mistaken

[munsonkitten]

It starts small.

Steve buys Eddie a handful of cassettes after the whole Upside Down business. Drops them unceremoniously in Eddie’s lap while Eddie’s laid up in the hospital. Eddie pulls them all out of the plastic bag and lays them out in his lap while Steve stands a few feet away, arms crossed protectively over his torn up middle.

“I got things on your vest,” Steve says as Eddie takes in the titles. “I figured everything in your room’s probably gone now, but I still have your vest, and I’ll — I’ll give it back. When you get out of here. It’s safe in my room. But, just — yeah, the tapes are things you have on it.”

Dio’s The Last in Line, Motorhead’s Ace of Spades, Metallica’s Ride the Lightning, Judas Priest’s Screaming for Vengeance, and WASP’s self-titled album.

“I almost bought you more, but I wasn’t sure what else, and I don’t know much about your music, so I just got those. I was going to bring you my Walkman, but I couldn’t find it,” Steve says. “I think one of the kids borrowed it and never gave it back, actually.”

Eddie still hasn’t said anything yet. He’s still taking in the gift in his lap, can’t even comprehend that Steve wanted to give him more.

“Uh,” Eddie says, trying to get his brain working again. “Yeah. Man. Fuck, dude. Thanks. Seriously. Don’t worry about the Walkman, really. This is nice, Harrington.”

“Yeah, no problem, Munson,” Steve says softly. He goes and sits in one of the chairs in Eddie’s hospital room, and stays there until the kids come running from Max’s overcrowded room to ask for a ride home.

Eddie lays there with his tapes spread out over his lap, and he finds himself smiling down at them. He doesn’t even have anything to listen to them on, but he thinks it might be the most thoughtful gift he’s ever gotten from anyone other than Wayne.

It’s nice, he thinks, that he might be becoming friends with Steve Harrington. It’s nice, he thinks, that even when they’re no longer fighting for their lives, Steve might want to stick around.

He didn’t expect that.

Eddie’s in the hospital for two weeks, and Steve stops by almost every day. He sits for a while, sometimes they talk, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes Eddie wakes up and sees Steve sleeping in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs. He doesn’t wake him, just smiles to himself because Steve’s tired, but he doesn’t want Eddie to be alone.

It’s been a while since Eddie’s had a friend the same age as him. Jeff and Grant are both two years younger than him, Gareth is four years, and Henderson, Wheeler, and Sinclair are all five or six years younger. He has friends, but Steve feels different, just a few months younger but already graduated. In a way, it makes Eddie feel younger, still being in high school and all.

He doesn’t really think that should matter, but it kind of does. All his younger friends look up to him, he’s always the one making plans and making sure everyone sticks to them, he’s the one in charge of it all — the older one. But when Steve’s around — Steve, with his real job, and high school diploma, and his nice car, and the brood of children he chases after, Steve, who’s an adult in all the ways Eddie himself feels like he’s not — Eddie feels like he can sit back and let someone else do all of that.

When Steve’s around, it feels like he has someone to care for him and look out for him the way he’s done for the others.

It starts to ease everything he’s carried for so long.

* * *

The next time Steve buys something for Eddie, it’s even smaller.

In fact, it’s so small that Eddie doesn’t even notice it at first because Steve was actually really sneaky about it. Eddie would almost find it cute, if he were allowed to think about Steve that way. He’s not, to be clear. It goes against his Munson Doctrine to have crushes on the jocks, rich kids, and straight boys, of which Steve is all three, but if he wasn’t, then yeah, Eddie would find it cute that Steve is sneaking him tiny gifts when he isn’t looking.

There’s a keychain on his van keys that he certainly didn’t get for himself. He notices it one day during a get together at Harrington’s house. Eddie just got out of the hospital a few days ago, and everyone insisted on throwing a party. Now kids are running around Steve’s backyard, yelling and hollering and trying not to fall in the freezing cold pool. It’s still too early in the spring to swim.

Even Max, barely out of the hospital herself, is being wheeled around in her wheelchair by nothing more than El’s mind powers.

It’s kind of fucking insane, to be honest.

But Eddie needs to go out to his car to get his pain meds because he’s really starting to feel the length of the day in his aching joints and healing wounds, so he grabs his keys off Steve’s counter where he left them, and that’s when he sees it.

A tiny metal bat dangling from his keys.

He knows it was Steve because Steve was the only one in the house when he got here and set his stuff down in the kitchen, and no one else has gone inside since Eddie found his way to the backyard, so of course it was Steve.

Eddie doesn’t mention it, just smiles to himself and runs his fingers over the pointed wings.

He sees Steve looking at him when he comes back into the kitchen. Eddie raises his hand and shakes his pill bottle at him, and without another word, Steve goes to the cupboard to get a glass that he fills with water.

Eddie sets his keys back down on the kitchen counter as Steve slides the glass of water over to him. Steve nods at the keys, and Eddie grins at him.

“Thank you,” Eddie says.

“I have a matching one,” Steve says, turning back toward the sink to look out the window above it. “Just, you know, because…”

He gestures at his torso, and then over at Eddie, and Eddie nods. He gets it.

It makes him feel a little bit closer to Steve. Even if Eddie isn’t allowed to crush on him, he’s happy to have someone who gets him. Who understands what he went through, and feels similar pain.

It’s like Steve’s saying You’re with me now, we’re connected, and you’re not getting rid of me.

Read on AO3

[dadsbongos]

megumi x airhead fluff please don’t let gege get u again 😔

iehjejeueueh

GASP this has been in my drafts so long and i totally forgot about it, i am sooo sorry nonny :')

761 words no big warnings just fluff n idiots pining, not super proofread

the ghost of gege has been cleansed from my soul!!! ~~~

“Do you really think that?”

Megumi stiffly avoids your gaze, soon after shrugging, “Yeah. What of it?”

You frown, and it could be how attuned he is to your mood but Megumi swears the sudden shift actually overhauls the entire room’s energy. Something morose and slithering around the darkness, somehow the gloominess only thickens in the areas sparsely lit by Megumi’s lamp.

“That’s sad,” you lean up from your sit and onto your knees, fingertips just barely pressing into the springs below, “You’re not a bad person, ‘gumi.”

“I don’t think I’m the devil,” he turns his whole head to avoid your piercing stare, “Just not a good person.”

“That’s sad!” now you’ve flung your hands up on his shoulders, squeezing down his arms as if a heartbroken widow clutching her poor, dead husband, “‘gumi you’re the best guy I know!”

Scrunching away from you, Megumi presses his back into the headboard of his bed, swallowing harshly and continuously dodging your stare, “Yeah, sure.”

“Hey,” you whine, now squishing his hands between yours, “You are! You’re super nice all the time, and you’re way smart.”

The accusation of kindness pulls a little chuckle from Megumi, especially considering how often Yuuji and Nobara curse his nasty attitude. He cannot comprehend why you’d marvel over him this way, or in any other way for that fact. Megumi’s eyes flutter shut, he soaks up the warmth of your hands on his, and your face by his cheek. If he dared lean up, he’d easily be able to kiss you (he’s not so bold, he thinks he’d rather die actually).

“And you’re so pretty,” you tack on, as if you can sense the worst possible thing to say right now.

Though, Megumi knows better -- you’re soft and mellow, his opposite if anything. The knowledge of your earnesty in the compliment does nothing to calm his racing heart, or the raging red slathering his face.

“Whatever…” Megumi sinks down until he’s laid back on his mattress. He sucks in air slowly, boring holes into the ceiling rather than your face, “You’re pretty, too. And you’re nicer than me,” he cringes, “If you’re still sure I’m nice.”

“You are,” you lay beside him, petting a hand over the bunches and wrinkles in his sleep shirt, “You’re being nice now! You let me come over after my nightmare.”

“You sounded scared,” he tries to shrug off the praise, but your words are clinging to his brain stubbornly, “Why would I make you sleep alone after that?”

“Exactly,” you’re bolder than Megumi, bold enough to spike your chin onto his chest, “You’d be a great boyfriend.”

“You don’t say,” he chokes out, heat clogging his cheeks and red burning into a deep crimson. He prays the dim light emitting from his nightstand doesn’t expose the sight to you. 

A melodic knock on Megumi’s door makes the duo flinch, and despite logic telling him nothing is wrong Megumi lets his arm come around your waist protectively. When its Satoru that pokes his head in, the boy grumbles.

“Hey, problem children,” Satoru coos, “if you’re gonna break rules, at least move apart when your teacher comes to scold you.”

“They had a nightmare,” Megumi’s hold on you tightens, “they didn’t wanna be alone.”

“Is that right?” Satoru’s blindfold is still snug around his face, but Megumi can feel his teacher’s stare pointed at where your head lays on his chest.

You nod viciously, “It was so scary! I thought I died for real, so ‘gumi let me stay with him so I don’t have another one.”

“Well how sweet,” Satoru taps the doorframe, “But c’mon, time for everyone to go to their own rooms.”

“Huh, no way!” you cry in protest, rocketing up straight.

“No way,” Megumi parrots.

Raising a brow, Satoru grins at his student’s sudden audacity, “You want me to stay in here with you both, then?”

“You want me to tell Yaga about the secret number in your phone?” Megumi glares, “The one you know by heart.”

Satoru grimaces down at the boy, then sighing and back out of the room, “Don’t do anything to make Yaga yell at me.”

“Wow, ‘gumi, you really got him.”

“He’s easy to wrangle, like training a big, stupid dog,” Megumi feels his heart thundering in his chest the longer you go without saying anything, simply sitting there and grinning at him, “What?”

“You stood up for me.”

“Duh.”

“That was really nice of you.”

He rolls his eyes, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you back onto him, “Yeah, whatever.”

[ruskaroma]

thinking of pissing john wick off so fucking bad that he fucks you into the fucking wall🤤🤤 he’d been so patient with you, but you just kept pushing his buttons so here you are, his hand clamped over your mouth as he fucks you full of his cum….

everybody pull up a chair cuz we are going to have a talk.

john wick is a soft dom. that’s up to no debate. he could be a mean dom sometimes, but that rarely happens. but the point still stands.

john wick is a soft dom.

and of course, a soft dom would be incomplete without a bratty sub.

john doesn’t like it when you talk back, but during this time you’re feeling a bit naughty. a simple denial from john ruined your entire day, and so of course it’s your job to ruin his too.

he has been on the edge all day long since morning because of your constant backtalk. the snarky little remarks. the murmurs you’d say that he wouldn’t hear just to rile him up even more.

john tries to talk the brattiness out of you, but unfortunately for him, he might have to do it the hard way.

he had just come back from work when you immediately bombarded him with your attitude. still dressed in his work attire and you in your pajamas, john thinks this is the perfect time to strike.

as he stands in front of you in the living room, your mouth immediately snaps shut when a large hand comes slapping your cheek. it’s not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough to get some senses in your brain and tell yourself that you’re absolutely fucked.

literally.

a yelp leaves your mouth as you touch the spot he slapped, but when you look at him, he’s staring straight back at you challengingly.

“got any more to say, brat?”

your lips wobble. it’s not always mean john comes to play, but when he does, it scares the living shit out of you. not only because he’s mean MEAN, but also because that means there’s a 99% chance that you won’t be able to sit properly for weeks.

“d-daddy–”

“now you want daddy?” he mocks, then gripping your jaw with one hand and forces you to look at him. “daddy has been real patient with his little girl all day long, but you just won’t fucking listen to a word daddy says, don’t you?”

you’re half scared, half horny. john is fucking seething. he must be so pissed at you that he even cussed.

“d-daddy, ow, you’re hurting me–” you try to move away from his grip, but that only leads you to being slammed against the wall as john forcefully pulls your pants down along with your panties, revealing your wet cunny that’s already dripping from this whole thing. “d-daddy–”

“this must be what you fucking wanted then. for daddy to be pissed at you.” he roughly unbuckles his belt and pulls his already hard cock out, not giving you enough time to comprehend what’s truly happening when he’s already pushing his fat cock inside your little pussy, stretching it open and making you scream. “now you’re crying, can’t form a single fucking word. what happened to that bratty little girl earlier that won’t stop running her mouth, hm? you got anything to say?”

your legs are wrapped around his waist as you sob hysterically on his shoulder, ruining his perfectly good black suit. your shared wetness is dripping down the floor as his heavy balls slap against your ass.

you clench around his dick, babbling incoherent pleas for him to slow down, but all you receive is another slap on the cheek.

“shut your mouth and take it. don’t make me shove my cock so far down your throat you wouldn’t be able to speak for weeks.”

[cripplecharacters]

In general, how would you approach writing nonhuman/feral characters with disabilities? How would you balance the symptoms animals usually show vs human symptoms, experiences and available accomodations?

I'm considering giving my Warrior Cats character with TBI-induced blindness (yes, I know, these books are awful about disability rep and yet I can't help but get attached) a guide animal of some sort, but... in real life blind cats can get by just fine using their whiskers, and though realism isn't a concern here, I'm worried that'll come across as nonsensical. However, I'm personally uncomfortable with writing yet another blind character that doesn't need mobility aids despite not being able to distinguish objects from one another "properly". He may not be totally blind, but I feel like I'd be contributing to the misconceptions surrounding my own condition that way. Thoughts?

Thank you for your ask! In real life animals, including cats, have been known to assign themselves as a guide for a blind packmate, usually walking on the side with less vision to help with navigation. Sometimes an animal of another species will act as a guide, but only if they’re bonded. This also occurs more often in domesticated animals, so if you don’t want the guide to be another cat you could do something like a dog, chicken or rat (though I’d imagine the last two would be hard to keep in a cat pack!).

You could also have your character able to move around unassisted in familiar areas that he is often in, but need assistance in unfamiliar areas.

As for writing your character, I’d say research how his injury affects his other senses. Touch, smell, hearing and limb movement can be affected by a traumatic brain injury, and it would definitely affect your character's ability to get around.

As of now, this blog unfortunately doesn’t have any blind mods (applications are still open as of posting this). However, you can check out other blogs for more information on blindness, such as BlindBeta, AskABlindPerson, and Mimzy-Writing-Online.

Have a lovely day!

Mod Rot

Hi!

When talking about TBI induced blindness, you have to keep in mind that it's different from ocular blindness. The brain-based type of blindness is called CVI, or Cortical Visual Impairment, and it's very common!

(Note: I have done a lot of research on CVI, but I don't have it myself. I heavily encourage you to check the blogs that Rot mentioned!)

A CVI will often have different symptoms than ocular blindness. For example, the character's field of view could be severely limited - the left (or right, or top, or bottom...) half of their vision could be non-existent, and the other half could be what is sometimes described as "incomprehensible". It could also present in infinitely different ways from that, as it can be very diverse!

CVI is often fluid and the person (or cat) can function very differently depending on the circumstances like fatigue or stress or even the weather. If he's having a horrible day he will be able to understand the visual input less than when he's doing fantastic.

With CVI, it's important to remember that visual acuity generally won't be the main problem, but the brain's comprehension of the image is. This is where cat-available accommodations can hopefully come in.

Showing him experiencing visual fatigue and how he deals with it could be one of them! During his kitty activities he could prefer to have them spaced out so that he only sees one at a time and makes it easier for his brain to comprehend without tiring him out. A cluttered environment would probably only make it worse, so you can have him make sure that everything is nice and in its place. He could also take longer to recognize new objects or cats.

If he has, for example, very limited field of vision, then he could have his kitty house (I don't know how warrior cats work I'm trying my best here) arranged so that it would work for him; i.e. everything being on a specific height.

I also very much agree with Rot that he should have more symptoms than just blindness! One example of a brain-based cat disability could be cerebellar hypoplasia; it can't be caused by a TBI, but it causes ataxia which can be a result of a TBI (mildly complicated, sorry). Either way you can use it as a reference to visualize how your character could move!

I hope this helps! I really appreciate the effort of trying to include disability accommodations in a character who's a forest cat.

mod Sasza

[thedustyleaves]

Do you have any tip (or like a book rec) for composition and/or perspective? I'd like to improve that skills but I dont even know where to start 😭

Oh boy, I'm not sure if the way I do it is the best way 🥲. I avoid studying art like the plague in the traditional sense. I don't look up tutorials, read art books, or use grids for perspectives because I straight up don't understand them. That way of working, where you break down the steps in such a methodical way, doesn't work for me. The few times I've tried to use a grid, it ended up looking so wrong to me, and I couldn't make it work, hah! Whenever I've tried to take a 'study' approach to my art, it has stunted my progress and taken the joy out of it.

I wing it a lot. Sometimes I take photos of various items like cups and books and use them as perspective lines because I like a very tactile and hands-on approach to feeling out the composition in real life. The same goes for reference photos for anatomy —I try to understand it in a physical way by moving around myself and sometimes filming or taking photos of myself, but most of the time, I just wing it!

For this piece, I just closed my eyes and prayed. One of the easiest ways for me to build up a composition, is by stacking things and avoiding the floor (it's basically cheating, hah). It makes it look like you know what you're doing when really, you don't. I stacked the front of the boat in front of the mast, which is in front of the tentacle, and so on. Then I just gradually made things smaller as they moved further away until it felt right, rather than being accurate. And if you tilt the composition a bit (this one tilts a bit to the left) and make the characters overlap, then BAM, it looks like it's all intentional.

For this one, I took a picture of the bottom corner of my shelf with a wide-angle, to get the floor right because my brain couldn't comprehend it 🤔

I do study art somewhat by actively observing and breaking down pieces I love that are made by other artists. For example, when I started drawing my comic, I read all of One Piece and Fullmetal Alchemist and took my time to understand their panelling and the tricks they used. I'd stop and look at a page, really taking my time to understand how they were telling the story. I was surprised to find that sometimes they barely drew anything at all for several panels, yet I was never in doubt about who was talking and where they were.

I think, by looking at my art, you can tell that I grew up with Oda's illustrations. I still love how vibrant and well-composed they are, especially how he plays with perspective until it feels right and looks amazing, even if it doesn’t always make anatomical or logical sense. That's the vibe I'm going for as well—just mashing things around until I feel good about it.

One thing that really helped me was letting go of the idea that it has to be perfect or always make sense. For example, this Halloween piece is one of my personal favorites, but if you look at Dakon's foot for too long, you can tell that it's way too small and doesn't match the perspective at all. However, I was satisfied with the overall feeling of the piece, so I just left it.

The only time I've ever "studied" anything art-related was when I went to film school for animation and learned how to animate in 3D, and let me tell you, what a fucking scam. You can learn all of that, and more, just by watching YouTube videos (which I did, lol).

I feel like that wasn't very helpful at all 😭 Is there a particular piece you're curious about, maybe? I'm always ready to break down my pieces and explain how I go about composing them!

[cherry-pop-elf]

A Moment Of Peace

Morax x Chronic Pain Reader

Requested by Anon

You suffer from chronic pain, and that doesn’t help when you are in hell. You just wish to have a moments peace, and your designated nurse offers a idea

Warnings: 18+ ((gore wise)) talks of pain, chronic pain, gore, mental health, also it’s What In Hell Is Bad so is gonna be heavy in its sexual tones. NO ACTUAL SEX THO-!

Writing Commissions open

“Child of Solomon-?” You heard him knock, before entering the bedroom you were given. It wasn’t quite your speed, but it’s better than nothing. Very…..Red. Red and well….Yeah it’s a room Lucifer would give you. At least it was very comfy. Snuggled into a bed that was built for an orgy than a single person. Least it made it less suffocating, when you are trapped to lay there for hours at a time. All the free space to stretch, and make things work to exist.

“Come in, Morax.” You called, as you cuddled into one of the pillows. The stress of everything was finally catching up to you, and your body was suffering. Even in hell, you still could never find words to describe it. The aches, the burning, the existing. It’s hard, but Morax was the one demon that can grasp it. The designated healer, who has seen more than any one should. Demon, or not. It’ll take a toll.

“Ah, there you are. I figured. I could feel the heat of your nerves from half way across the castle-“ He announced, as he would come to your bed. There were books in his bandaged fingers, and a tray of sweets with drinks. You were very confused by it, as your stomach was not ready for such a thing. Your stomach was twisting and turning, not to mention lake of motivation at all to consume. Yet, he’s never shown incompetence with the field of medical care. Had you curious.

He was soon sitting next to you, in a chair by your bed, as he set the tray on the table. He was also working his clothes off. As if that’s a surprise, but even Morax had more politeness than this. He didn’t completely strip. Couldn’t if he tried, since he was soaked in bandages. Left to his shorts, and wrappings. Blood forever seeping through, and gore to be mush under the texture. That one working eye looking down at you, and holding so much emotion in it. He seemed excited even. Those hands would claps together, as you watched him. Holding your pillow so tightly.

How it was utterly fascinating to look at him. How you have seen him taken on so much pain, yet keep going. Acting like everything was fine. How familiar. For once, someone could genuinely understand your perspective. How much it sucked. Course, you couldn’t help but feel dramatic about it. Given you’ve seen under those wraps. The missing flesh, the gouged eye, the scars, blood, cuts, bruises, the falling out organs, all of it. Yet, he never dared compared. Your pain was just as real, to him, as the blood soaking the bandage over his empty socket.

“As you know, I take on the burdens of those with wounds and pain. Hence why I have not healed my own, as they are constantly being fresh-“ He begins, as if you didn’t know this already. He was still the smarter of the demons, so you didn’t say anything. You knew he was going somewhere, but your brain was just so foggy. You could hardly hear him honestly. It’s just a blur of noise, and ringing from the pain. Seemed he was aware of it, as he was soon silent. Allowing himself to let actions speak louder than words.

Before you knew it, he snuck into bed with you. Not a first, by many demons, but a first for him. You were about to question it, before you suddenly held immense clarity. It was like a thick blanket was lifted off of you. Your heart wasn’t ringing in your ears. Your breathing was steady. Your limbs didn’t tingle. You could actually comprehend the world around you. It was beyond words. You didn’t know such a feeling was possible. You were, for a moment, normal.

“So warm-“ You heard him mutter, as he was snuggling you. He couldn’t deny the comfort it gave him. A beautiful excuse to hog you all to himself, while everyone else had to go do important demon stuff. He was able to hug you, smell you, even taste you. It was worth taking all your chronic pain, and holding it. It was so worth it. How his fingers were dancing across your skin, and his breath inhaling you. Savoring the scent of human, with ancient magic. It was delicious, and sweet.

“It doesn’t cure it, does it?” You had to ask, as he shook his head. Figured. Makes sense. There were demons born without limbs, and he couldn’t exactly give them limbs back. They were born with it, so the body was forced to function as such. A default, if you will. Regardless, you were hugging him tightly. Just thanking him in your own way. Swore the bastard might jizz himself if you held him too tightly. He’s earned it, in your defense. His eye out right fluttered, as you held him tightly.

“Whenever there is a moments rest, between this war, I hope this can bring you some peace. I know I can not offer perfection, but I’ll be heaven bound if I do not try.” He said, as you were squeezing him tightly. It was mind numbing to have your body not be in this constant pain. You knew this would still be a drop in the bucket for Morax, but in a morbid way it was nice. Nice to know you weren’t burdening him with this. That he got a relief, in your stolen pain. pretty sure the bastard har to have developed a kink for this by now. Had to.

"New order, you sleep with me now.” You demanded, as you were going to get your use out of him. He held zero arguments, was giddy if anything, when you gave that command. How he snuggled into your neck, to inhale more of your sweet human scent. Seeming to be in his own pure heaven, well hell, by such actions. Now you knew why he brought the books and snacks. So you could actually enjoy a quiet moment, that he’ll hardly provided. He found a way to give you peace. He really did it. He found a way, in this madness.

You would grab one of the books, as your other hand would rub his back. To try and give him some emotional support all the same. To show him how grateful you were. Oh sex was so on the table for him. You knew damn well you COULD enjoy sex, even more, with him. Given the physical content meant he took your pain away, leaving you in true pleasure. That had you excited. You had so much energy again. The world was your oyster.

For now, though, you were going to finally enjoy something so many people took for granted. You found yourself a comfortable position to snuggle him in, and started to read. Actually able to focus on the words, and feel the pages in your fingers. The brain fog finally gone, as you snuggled him. How wild that your pain was also his pleasure, as it finally gave him an excuse to get a nap in as well. To heal his own wounds, he has taken for others. Your pain was his excuse.

This was going to be your new normal, and you were excited for it. To have clarity, and be able to focus again. To read the book, and study up more on hell, while Morax finally was getting rest. To finally get some healing done, while you could have a moments rest from the pain. To comprehend the sounds around you, like the distant rumbles of hell shifting and turning. The smell of fire, wine, and death. The textures of the blankets. You could actually be in the moment.

Despite how much energy it gave you, the escape from pain just made you crave sleep. Real sleep. Out like a light you were, with lying against Morax. How your body curled against his, and his arms tangled around you. The book left to be open next to you, drinks emptied, food eaten, and just at peace. Knocked out cold, and having a deep slumber. No tossing and turning from muscle spasms, and no nightmares from the anxiety and pain. You were resting, and with someone all the same.

It was peaceful. You had peace, for the first time in your life. Morax was truly your savior, and he deserved proper rewards for it. After you BOTH got a well deserved nights rest. A tangle of limbs, soft breathing, and the sounds of hell. All to lull you into dreams of hope, prosperity, and joy.

[missmastectomy]

hello, pretty freshly detrans here. i finally understand what all those ‘annoying cis people’ meant when they said gender isn’t a feeling. like, actually, i fully comprehend it now. if you unpack all those supposed ‘gender feels’ it all wraps back to stereotypes and gender roles, whether you identify as a soft boy or a big rugged stereotypical man like i did. because that’s all gender is. and holy shit, i feel duped!

you’re telling me i could’ve spent all this time being a hot hairy butch who defied the social expectations placed on women but i was so entrenched in the idea that i was somehow a man, which is DEFINITELY a real innate category of being and not a made up social class assigned to a given sex to give them more power (sarcasm) that i lost half my family to it? that i argued with people i know and love over it? that i experienced trauma in the church because of it? only to realize that gender itself isn’t even real, something i knew the whole time but hypocritically refused to apply to myself. i’ve been scammed. i dressed up my personality in a blue box and told myself it was a boy. fuck.

at least there’s freedom in sight now. sorry to rant in your inbox, i hope it’s relatable if nothing else.

I completely understand. I also used to feel annoyed when “cis” people said they don’t know what feeling gender is like. The thing is, though, trans people’s gender feelings are actually very easy to understand once you get to the bottom of what dysphoria is. Often trans people will describe their gender identity as stemming from dysphoria, a disconnect between the mind and body. The discomfort and desire to be the other sex is so strong that people transition and the vast majority of trans people describe that as the state of “being a woman/man,” instead of “hey, I’m a bio female/woman transitioning in order to cope with dysphoria.”

I talked about it before, but if you understand why women get harmful cosmetic surgeries because they cannot stand living in their bodies, or why anorexics will hurt themselves in pursuit of a perfect body, you already understand half of trans identity. People often try to reinvent themselves when they’ve been rejected or traumatized. People often try to mold themselves into someone else, someone you were “always meant to be,” but ultimately never will, because the image you’ve created in your mind is completely fictitious.

Most trans people operate like this. Ime there are vanishingly few trans people who recognize that their sex doesn’t change and that they are ultimately still men or women. Most consider gender to be innate, therefore they were always actually men or women. Few acknowledge that it is basically a lifestyle choice. Honestly, a poor one at that, considering the adverse effects it has on your body and social life.

Some transmeds cite sex dysphoria as the reason for transition, but where does it come from? They often argue that transsexuals have brains that map out the body of the opposite sex and that causes the dysphoria, but there’s poor evidence for this. Ask a trans person how they knew they were trans and they will say 1) they always felt uncomfortable in their body/didn’t connect with others of their sex or 2) I’m a boy/girl but engaged in stereotypical activities of the opposite sex. It’s really just a bunch of made up nonsense to explain the suffering a lot of gnc, gay, whatever people experience.

A lot of trans people don’t realize that everyone else also has “gender feelings,” but they just don’t describe it with the language trans people do. Because of this disconnect, trans people often take this as evidence that their gender identities are real and infallible. But if you talk to, say, a woman who was very masculine as a child and didn’t fit in with girls, you will literally hear the same feelings of discomfort that most transmen describe. The difference is that these women grew out of it or learned to cope and accept themselves. Most transmen do not.

The conditions for trans identity to form are a combination of wrong place wrong time. I have a hard time not feeling sympathetic for the old fashioned transsexual types who recognize bio sex because I understand how debilitating dysphoria can be, but the religious mumbo jumbo speak of the modern trans movement is insufferable and harming thousands, if not millions, of people. It’s time to come back down to reality.

[ryuichirou]

Based on that one post about the bottoms getting creamed up inside how would the tops react if their partners are demanding/begging for them to cum inside them?

(this is related to this hc list)

My first instinct was to say that everyone would go “you don’t have to tell me twice 🫡 “ and doing just that, and Floyd going “wtf? Now I don’t wanna” and coming outside lol but If I think about it…

Ace – he’ll get so shook. He didn’t know stuff like this happens in real life, why would his partner (presumably Deuce) do something so sexy?? He’ll cum way before he finishes his attempts to comprehend what he’s just heard.

Trey – he would get surprised because this isn’t something he expected to hear from Riddle EVER, but that would just make him become even more aware of the fact that he is doing something lewd with a boy that he spent all those years afraid to hurt in any way. It would be such a hot contrast to how innocent and naive Riddle usually is…

Cater – he would grab his phone and ask for his partner to repeat it lol Well, he wouldn’t do it all the time, but I think he might get into this kind of mood sometimes. And if he doesn’t repeat, he won’t get what he wants from Kei-kun~

Ruggie – he would roll his eyes because yeah yeah now you’re demanding me to cum inside, but then you’ll say that I am the one to clean it up, right right, thank you so much Leona-san. Cumming inside does feel good though.

Jack – he is probably the type to start thinking about pulling out when he starts to feel his knot growing, you know, being responsible and stuff, but if he hears his partner begging or demanding him to cum inside, his brain would shut down completely and he would go even deeper than before and fill his partner to the brim :( He would be very embarrassed of himself afterwards.

Azul – he never even considered doing it anywhere but inside…. Like, it wasn’t an option to him… but he would still get surprised, maybe even give a cute surprised gasp, but ultimately do what he always does – cum inside.

Floyd – like I already said, he is very likely to go “the fuck, don’t wanna”, and he could either cum on his lover’s face right after that, or slow down suddenly and start teasing him. Like, why would I do that? Now that you asked for it, I don’t feel like it. He doesn’t necessarily want his partner to beg for it, mind you, because that might also be boring. But if he gets mad and yells at him, like Riddle would… maybe then Floyd will consider doing it inside.

Jade – there are similarities between the tweels in almost every hc list, but here? They are almost identical lol Even though Jade seems more obedient than Floyd, in a sexual setting he is pretty mischievous. And this is such a “one-on-one” thing, so his true self could show. But he wouldn’t tease verbally like Floyd does, he would just stop and look with a smug face, as if asking “what are you going to do if I don’t?”

Kalim – he would be super surprised because Jamil NEVER says stuff like that in general, he is usually pretty quiet during sex; but also for him to ask for this?? When he always does the opposite, i.e. begs Kalim not to do it?? Kalim has no idea what kind of a sudden change this is, but he sure as hell is excited lol Jamil is going to regret this right after saying it…

Rook – who is he to deny a request made with such eagerness and passion? He wouldn’t break his lover’s heart like that! Yeah, I guess Rook isn’t really an asshole when it comes to these things, but maybe he just loves doing it inside this much. He loves making his lover wait though, plus he is abso-fucking-lutely going to address the fact that his lover begged him for that afterwards. Vil won’t hear the end of it. Or any other boy who is in his place…

Ortho – he is supposed to go “roger” and execute the command, and he might really say “roger” and then just add “….just kidding” and look at his lover all smugly, turning his speed up to x 3 and not releasing any fluids until his lover’s almost passed out.

Lilia – similarly to the Tweels and apparently Ortho, he might tease the partner. If the boy is horny enough to beg for something like this, he is horny enough to get sent to Nirvana by Lilia going “should I?” and pulling the dick out or stopping all movement. But this isn’t always the case, sometimes he just praises the boy for being honest.

Sebek – of course he would cum instantly as he hears that, he is a good soldier (+ one horny boy). Especially if it’s Malleus who asks for it, and if that is the case, Sebek is also probably going to cry a little. But if he hears a comment this obscene from any other person, he would scold them. How dare you be this indecent??

[mins-fins]

whimsical — sung hanbin

hanbin won’t stop reaching, he’ll wait until yeo y/n accepts his feelings.

tags :: sung hanbin x m!reader , high school!au , idiots in love , childhood friends to lovers , matthew and jeonghyeon are here too , fluff , happy ending!!

sung hanbin and yeo y/n first met when they were four.

they had lived in the same neighborhood, houses right next to each other. their parents had known each other in high school, so it was quite easy for them to become friends.

but in all their years of being friends, there was this one thing which was consistent.

hanbin constantly confessing his love for y/n.

he remembers the first time he did it, like it was yesterday. they were on the playground, and hanbin randomly ran up to him with a ring pop, shouting:

“yeo y/n! will you marry me?”

the other kids around them look at each other in confusion, and y/n laughs, amused by the sudden question. he stares at hanbin, a small smile coming to his face.

“were too young to get married, bin”.

hanbin blinks, tilting his head. his seven year old brain couldn’t comprehend why they couldn’t get married, it didn’t seem that hard.

“can you at least accept the ring pop?” he asks, batting his eyelashes innocently. y/n simply laughs, nodding as he took the ring pop.

the process would repeat over and over again.

hanbin would get down on his knees and propose to y/n with anything, everything, and his friends response would always be the same.

'were too young to get married'.

hanbin would never give up, though.

it seemed like a silly crush at first, but it did turn out to become something real, something way too real. he was actually in love with y/n, but the male was too certain that hanbin was just joking, just a running joke in their friendship.

yeah "friendship".

hanbin clearly wanted to be more than friends.

either, a: y/n knew but didn’t want to accept that his best friend of more than a decade was in love with him or b: y/n actually didn’t know that hanbin was in love with him and assumed it was all an elaborate joke.

“what’s going on? do you and hanbin have a thing going on?”

y/n blinks, leaning on his locker as he stares at lee jeonghyeon. he laughs, shaking his head. “no no, he’s my best friend, that’s all”.

“are you sure? he seems to think more than that..”

the yeo just chuckles, shaking his head once more. “hanbin is not in love with me”.

oh how wrong he was.

“what’s going on with you?”

hanbin looks up, meeting matthew's eyes. “what do you mean?” he asks back, clearly confused.

“your tense, is something wrong”.

now, hanbin could lie, but even if he did lie about what was bothering him, matthew would somehow find out. he sighs, leaning back in his seat.

“is it obvious that i’m in love with y/n?”

matthew snickers, quickly covering his mouth when he sees hanbin glare. “sorry sorry” he laughs. “but— yeah, it’s pretty obvious, why?”

hanbin covers his face, embarrassed. “then why doesn’t he notice? i literally confess my love for him all the time and he continuously thinks it’s a joke!”

matthew stares, a frown coming to his face. “just come clean, hyung, he won’t hate you”.

“he’s made it clear he doesn’t like me”.

“did he tell you that? all he said is that you guys were too young to get married”.

hanbin takes in his words. i mean— he is right, y/n has never outrightly denied his feelings, just used marriage as an excuse to not accept any of hanbin's confessions.

then, he got it.

“oh my god! i got it!”

matthew flinches, surprised by the random shout from hanbin. “matthew your a genius!” he yells, and matthew stands there frozen still.

“i am?”

“you are!” hanbin hugs him, running out of the room with a new epiphany on his mind.

matthew stands there confused.

y/n has to admit, he is flattered by hanbin's little monthly confessions. he had grown up to think no one would ever be interested in him like that, but hanbin made all those feelings different.

he made him feel special.

y/n would just conveniently ignore the feeling in his stomach whenever hanbin would confess for the thousandth time, or the heat on his face, or anything which suggested he reciprocated any of the feelings his dear best friend had for him.

but people would always ask about the two of them, how they looked like a perfect couple, how they were like that childhood friends to lovers trope.

“oh? sung hanbin? the two of us are just very good friends”.

that became his signature response to any of the questions other students would ask about him and hanbin.

which he answered with much distaste.

that was just normal for him.

if it ever changed, so would his life.

and he never wished for his life to change.

“you seem to like walking me home these days”.

hanbin hums, taking in y/n’s words as he nods. “come on, were best friends, i can walk you home when i want to, right?”

y/n snickers, shaking his head. “i’m just saying” he begins, eyes drifting towards hanbin's hands. “who are those for?”

“hm?” hanbin's eyes dart towards his own hands, smiling. “oh, they’re for you”.

y/n pauses, narrowing his eyes. “what?” he laughs in disbelief, looking at hanbin like he’s crazy. “for me?”

“yes, for you” hanbin says, handing him the bouquet of flowers. “my mom helped me pick them out for you..”

y/n takes them, staring fondly at hanbin. “is this another one of your love confessions?”

“maybe”.

the words are so simple, too simple for hanbin. he blinks, unable to control the heat spreading across his cheeks.

“hanbin—“

“will you be my boyfriend, yeo y/n?”

y/n pauses, frozen.

he’s completely taken aback. it’s usually a joke, it’s supposed to be a joke, but this is not a joke, this is real, legitimate.

“what?”

“what? i’m asking you a question..”

y/n can’t comprehend what he’s hearing. he probably looked like an idiot, just standing there with a bouquet of flowers in his hands, frozen.

“it’s a simple yes or no question, n/n”.

“yes” y/n immediately blurts, feeling more embarrassment rush to him. “yes, yes, i’ll be your boyfriend, sung hanbin”.

hanbin smiles, his face going hot as he begins fanning himself. “yes! finally after almost 10 years, you’ve accepted one of my love confessions!”

y/n can’t believe what he’s hearing, and he lets his head fall down. “i did say we were too young to get married, i never genuinely rejected you”.

his feelings were finally out there.

hanbin simply rolls his eyes. “okay okay, by bad for not processing your specific words”.

“yeah, it is your bad”.

the yeo laughs at his own words, hanbin just staring at him with enamored eyes. “thank you for the flowers, by the way, boyfriend”.

hanbin froze at the emphasis of the word, the word he’s wanted to hear so long from y/n, the word he’s been bracing for himself to hear if it he was to ever actually date y/n.

he was basically living his dream.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, bin”.

hanbin finally snaps back into reality. he smiles at y/n, nodding almost erratically. “yeah, i’ll see you tomorrow, boyfriend”.

y/n hums, turning around as he laughs at hanbin.

he’s such a lovable idiot.

AUTHORS NOTE — hanbin. that’s it. that’s the note.

[daffodil-mania]

Dream a Little Dream of Me

Sam Winchester x fem!Reader. Hurt/comfort, fluff. This fic includes swearing and graphic descriptions of violence.

Author’s notes: This is my first fic; please be gentle (or don’t; up to you). I started this at like,,,, 5AM a week ago and have been slowly chipping away at it ever since. For context this takes place sometime between S1 and S2, although the time honestly does not matter at all. Might write more fics; might not. Who knows? Anyways, enjoy!

—

It always starts the same way.

He always flops down onto the motel bed, sighing deeply and closing his eyes as his limbs stretch out over the mattress. He inhales, burying his face in the pillow that your scent still clings to, hiding a small smile as he does. The shower’s on and he debates sneaking in and joining you. He rolls over, pondering. He stays like that for a few seconds, arms folded behind his head when he feels it.

Drip.

Something wet falls on the side of his nose. His brow wrinkles in confusion as it slowly slides down over his cheekbone towards his hair. Without opening his eyes, he wipes it away. It was raining pretty hard earlier; he can tell the ceiling has been cheaply and improperly repaired several times. They’re always shitty and damaged in places like this, no wonder it leaks…

Drip.

This time a droplet lands on his right eyelid. His frown deepens as he wipes it off and opens his eyes to look at his fingers. It takes his brain a second to process what he’s seeing.

His stomach sinks. He whips his head up to the ceiling as bile rises in his throat. And there you are. It seems you never even made it into the shower; you’re still in your clothes from earlier. Jeans and a white tee shirt. Your hair is spread around your head like a halo. Your mouth is open, your expression one of fixed horror. You’re looking right at him but you don’t see him, your gaze a million miles away, comprehending something too horrible for words. As he registers the weeping red gash over your womb, your eyes snap to his and he knows you see him now. He’s right there. So close. You start to mouth his name when you erupt in flames. His shouts merge with your sobbing shrieks. All he can do is sit and watch helplessly as you burn. The stench of smoke and smoldering flesh starts to fill his lungs, choking him. And then someone grips him tight, maybe Dean, calling for him to wake up, wake up—

And he does. But it’s not Dean holding him; it’s you. Sam gapes at you, panting hard as sweat and tears roll down his face. You’re saying something but he doesn’t hear it. He surges forward and wraps his arms around you in an attempt to calm his panicked mind and assure himself that you’re real. You’re here and you’re safe and—

“—Sam, baby, it’s okay, I’m here, you’re okay, we’re safe, honey, we’re safe, Sam please look at me—” He manages to peel himself out of your embrace, his eyes taking in every inch of your perfect, unharmed face. Your scared eyes are wet with worried tears, brow knitted in concern. One of his hands comes up to cup the side of your face and you eagerly press a comparatively tiny one of your own against it, holding it in place. “You’re okay,” he exhales. You nod. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He bobs his head in a nod and wraps his arms around you again. Your arms instantly go around him, one over his shoulders to cradle his head and one across his back. You start to stroke his back as he relaxes, nuzzling his wet face into your neck.

You break the silence by asking if he wants to talk about his dream. Sam murmurs his dissent into your neck. You nod again. “Okay. Okay, that’s fine. What do you need right now?” You inquire quietly. “Jus’ need this.” He responds, his voice laden with sleep and sadness. His mouth feels like it’s full of cotton. He wishes desperately that he could talk to you about his dream but he just can’t. Maybe one day… but not now. He isn’t strong enough now to tell you how paranoid the dreams make him. How guilty. Because you’ve replaced Jessica on that ceiling and while he loves you a part of him still can’t let her go. And the anger… the hopelessness… it’s almost too much for him.

But the safety he feels in your arms makes those feelings vanish almost as quickly as they come… almost. He’s calmed down significantly but there’s still that gnawing anxious feeling in his gut. Sam pushes against it, willing it to go away, and wishes that the two of you could stay like this forever; tangled together between soft sheets and even softer I love yous. He doesn’t have to think when the two of you are like this; he can just let go for a minute. Well, except for you, of course. He won’t ever let you go.

He pulls you closer against him somehow and you let out an “oof” in feigned protest. You maneuver the two of you around a bit so that you’re both on your sides, his toned stomach pressed against your soft belly, legs comfortably intertwined. You wrap your arms around him and now its Sam’s turn to rest his chin on the top of your head. He wraps his arms around you; one snakes up and around your back so that his hand rests on your shoulder blade, the other is slung around your waist. A few minutes pass quietly in the darkness before you tilt your head back to look up at him. “Feeling better?” He nods, and cranes his neck so that he can gently press a kiss to your lips. A lump begins to form in his throat when you kiss him back, blocking all of the words he wants to stay from bubbling up and out of his mouth. So instead, you speak for him. “I love you, too.” You whisper softly. He presses your foreheads together, closing his eyes gently as he does. You rub soothing circles into his back and that coupled with the exhaustion that now rests heavily on him starts to drag him into a (hopefully) peaceful slumber.

As he starts to fade out of consciousness he can vaguely make out the sound of you humming. He forces himself to focus for a second and recognizes the tune; it’s A Mamas & The Papas song that you told him your mother used to sing to you as a lullaby. You’ve hummed it to him a few times before on nights like these. Satisfied, he relaxes, and falls into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

—

Author’s notes: Attached is the version of the song I referenced/borrowed the fic name from. I always found it slightly creepy when I was younger (and still kind of do, tbh). Check it out :)

[nancydrewwouldnever]

The good thing about a long commute is that it leaves you with plenty of time to think, so you can really pick at those things in the corner of your brain.

I’m about to half-assed pop psychology all over this crap.

So, yesterday was really interesting from a picking apart Chris Evan’s subconscious kind of an angle. I don’t want to look at the still photos montage. I only want to think about the first and third posted video – the mouth video and the Mario Kart video.

We now know from the scare video dump in January and this dump yesterday that there’s a lot of material floating around out there on cell phones. (But, yeah, we already guessed that, didn’t we.) So, we have to really start finely parsing why a person would choose two videos as bizarrely uncomfortable as those he posted to try to sell a “serious love story” on the holiday for the serious love story. Because neither of those videos sold love or even affection – they sold the subtext of disdain.

When you both say in a video you post “you’re not going to like this” or write “she hates this, but I find it funny,” you are communicating an inherent lack of respect for the person you are showing as the subject of said videos. There’s no way you can look at either video and not see that in some way Alba is being portrayed, whether intentionally or not, as somehow inept or incompetent, hapless or helpless. She “doesn’t know what to say” or do in the first one; she is being put physically in a position which has inherent sexualized overtones from porn culture. He is physically holding her down, to a certain way of thinking. In the second video she struggles to play a video game originated before she was ever born(!), and he finds this ineptitude to be hilarious. From my way of viewing, as the audience, I don’t find either video to be indicative of cute couples’ behavior behind the scenes, but rather of an older dominant male putting a younger more inexperienced female into shaming/ridiculing situations. And then blasting those situations to the world via social media.

Why would you ever make those choices for those videos, knowing you probably have others to choose from that show situations far less riddled with open-ended interpretation. (Let’s be real, he could have shown them skiing at Okemo, not much subtext there.)

This is where we get into the pop psychology angle, which I’m probably just going to massacre, but oh well. We all started musing about that “I hate myself” quote the minute we read it in SMA. Now, I invite you to think about the psychology concept of projection.

I think that self-hatred and self-loathing he holds is far deeper and far more insidious than any of us can comprehend. I’ll give him some credit, he’s done a somewhat good job of covering it up and still having career success even while dragging it around.

But it’s bad, and I think he directs a lot of it into his interpersonal relationships with women.

That self-hatred and self-loathing is what keeps him from having true long-lasting and healthy romantic partnerships. He subconsciously detaches parts of it from himself, through his insecurities, and projects those insecurities onto his partner. Therefore, he’s already given himself an out for why the relationship will fail, but it’s not on him, because he’s projected it onto them. However, it is always on him, even if he can’t see that, because he’s never working on the actual root cause of why everything doesn’t work, doesn’t fit, doesn’t fulfill his intense emotional lacks: because he’s never acknowledged that there is some intense trauma there somewhere that set this self-hate and self-loathing into action, and that it needs to be brought into the light with therapy and worked on. Nothing will change until that happens.

Instead, the subconscious cycles and patterns are self-perpetuating, so he will continue to search out situations which feed the cycles. Ergo, always someone he can project onto, not someone self-realized enough to be the kind of person who could actually help him come to terms with his own trauma.

So, whatever this toxic situation with Alba is, it is even more toxic because it serves his subconscious need to project all his own insecurities onto her. And she’s in no way capable of stopping that, because she just doesn’t have the life or relationship experience to do so. So, I postulate that what you see in those two videos, that’s him projecting his own self-disdain, self-ridicule, and immaturity onto her in a situation he has perfectly created for it. If you’re watching those videos and you feel like Chris is viewing her through a lens of shaming or derision, know it’s not just her: he’s viewing himself the same way as well.

So, I’ll end by paraphrasing a great line from Hamlet: Get thee to a nunnery. (Apt, given Chris also has a really off-the-rails Madonna/Whore complex.)

Chris – get thee to a psychoanalyst’s couch.

(Freud's actual couch.)

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Pinned Fanfiction Post! Updated 9/10/24.

Psst… there's a way to support my writing now (and thank you Kraiva, Som, Charlie, Flamia, Bree, and more who encouraged me to do it).

Fandoms:

The Magnus Archives

Malevolent (Podcast)

Deviser (Podcast)

I'm bad at updating this, my apologies! It's all on AO3, folks.

Latest:

The Magnus Archives

"T" IS FOR TOMB - a bittersweet sad post-TMA one-shot AO3 || Tumblr

Malevolent

SHERWOOD FOREST - a ridiculous one-shot, complete and total nonsense. Mild spoilers for the last released part. AO3 || Tumblr

The Magnus Archives x Malevolent

CORRUPTED, chapter 24: Fogged. A Tim Stoker x The King in Yellow weird romance because I am strange. AO3 || Tumblr

Loads of Surrogate updates, as per usual. :) The last few:

Like Father - Faroe makes a dangerous decision

Message Received - Kayne bitching because we were too busy to write

Strained - the beginning of fallout from Faroe's choices.

Nightingale - Something with Arthur is very, very wrong.

FINISHED FICS:

(This needs some serious revision! For now, be sure to check my AO3 profile until I get this part cleaned up.)

THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

AND EAT IT, TOO

The voice gets under his skin. Is it pleasing or terrifying? Inside his head or out? Is it even real, or is his still-human brain just cobbling monster-sounds into something he can comprehend? It’s impossible to get out of his head, whether literal or not. Doesn’t matter, though, because the answer Michael gives is a terrible one, and ends the same way: Gertrude could protect herself, Jon can’t, and he’s going to die for her sins.

Playlist available here.

AO3 | Tumblr

----------

A THOUSAND WORDS

It’s coming, Jon. You know something is; something that itches, that nags, that hides just out of view. Our glorious future is coming.

AO3 || Tumblr ----------

QUIT

It’s a stupid-drafty manor—huge, never properly lit, all its frippery fraying at the edges. It has literal skeletons in the walls. It has a foyer right out of Crimson Peak, an empty cement hole with crumbling cherubs in the back yard that might have once been someone’s idea of a pond, and a library with more cursed books than Gerry could shake a match at. The part of Gerry that once used Sharpies to blacken his eyebrows loves this place with a truly unholy passion. If only it didn’t belong to the reason the world was going to end.

Playlist available here.

AO3 | Tumblr

----------

TULIPS IN SPRING

Martin crawled back into bed like he’d crawled through the burned-flesh hole in his heart, and knew he still loved Jon. Martin knew Jon loved him, too. Jon had thrown away godhood for him, like it hadn’t mattered. Maybe it hadn’t.Jon loved him, and that meant they could fix this.All Jon had to do was wake up.

AO3 || Tumblr

----------

CRUCIBLE

Martin's been having dreams.He doesn't understand them. Surely, if Jon had ever looked like that, with unreal wings and a crown of spinning eyes, he would have remembered. But his memory isn't working as well as it should right now, and Jon never blinks. Martin is afraid.

Inspired by The Watcher’s Crown by @raynecreates

Note: this is angst. Somewhere Else goes very, very wrong.

AO3 || Tumblr

-----------

INSTANT NOODLES (crack fic)

At least his new hobby kept him occupied in the evenings, when too much time to think turned to wretchedness. It just so happened that much of his life was public. On the internet. As part of some gods-damned podcast. There were no words for how fascinated he was. This was his story—and yet it wasn’t. It was focused on Jon, for some bloody reason, which made no damn sense, since Jon showed up at the very end. Well. There was no accounting for taste.

Note: This is nonsense. Full apologies to Jonny and Alex, who are 100% the creators of my favorite podcast, The Magnus Archives. This is a work of fiction, etc. and so forth. Take it as the joke it's meant to be. Written because I wanted Jonah to suffer.

AO3 || Tumblr

-----------

SHORT STORIES FOR TMA APPRECIATION WEEK, 2023

Just what it says on the tin. Silliness, angst, and crossovers incoming.

AO3

------------

THIS DARK THING THAT SLEEPS IN ME - Rusty Quill Big Bang 2023

This is a DARK AU; it is not a kid-fic, though Jon is young. Bittersweet ending ahead. Spoilers for the whole show, though this is very much an alternate universe. In a world where the End won and Jonah Magnus is its Heart, the cycle of death and rebirth is a given: no one lives past thirty, the Other Fears scramble for scraps, and any infant without an Alignment—called Uncertain—has until the age of ten to be claimed, or they are sacrificed. Jon, an Uncertain child, knows things he shouldn’t, has memories he shouldn’t, and also has a purpose: apparently, he’s been called to do what no Aligned person can do and stop Jonah. Sometimes, there is no happy ending, only the right one. Jonah broke the promises he made to take over the world, and Jon is here to make it right. “I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me; all day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity. Clouds pass and disperse. Are those the faces of love, those pale irretrievables? Is it for such I agitate my heart?” ― Sylvia Plath

AO3

-----------

MAGNUS ARCHIVES x MALEVOLENT CROSSOVER

I PREFER MY HEART TO BE BROKEN

Jon feels seen in a way he has not since the Panopticon, examined from cell to soul, from ankles to ego. Does that feel good or horrible? He doesn’t know. He tries to see into this thing, just a little, but just that glimpse is enough. Fear shortens Jon’s breath, shivers up and down his form, because this thing is a god.

Playlist available here

AO3 | Tumblr

----------

MALEVOLENT (PODCAST)

WRONG - spoilers for part 43

There is a thread where it all went wrong. Where Arthur, lost, has lost his hope. Where John makes a choice to teach Arthur what it means to be human.

AO3 || Tumblr

------------------

HERETIC- an Oscar one-shot:

What road remains for a man whose purpose abandoned him?

AO3 | Tumblr

------------------

Blood and Sand:

When John Luke was nine, Parker stopped writing back. It took a while before John Luke was sure, before he allowed the worry to slither into his bones, and take flavor and color away, and leave only trembling cold behind. Parker had never been quiet this long. Something had happened. John Luke Yang wants his brother back. When he learns about a wish—offered by a god, in exchange for winning some kind of game—he's willing to leave everything behind in pursuit of it. But the Dreamlands are not safe, and the King in Yellow has gone mad. The Games are not designed to be survived. Luke has fallen into deep and dangerous waters. Fortunately, he won't be swimming alone.

AO3 || Tumblr

They Both Just Gotta Be Dicks (Intermezzo spoilers):

Not much surprises Kayne anymore. A melting Arthur manages.

AO3 || Tumblr

------

All that Glitters (crack-fic one-shot):

John and Arthur, Lester and Doe, going mano a mano against their greatest foe: 1970s Arkham bureaucracy.

AO3 || Tumblr

------

Fragile (Intermezzo spoilers):

Arthur got low in Larson’s house. He hit bedrock; he admitted, brokenly, that they won. John didn’t let him drown. Which is ironic, because John was already drowning.

AO3 || Tumblr

------

Double the Popcorn (Intermezzo spoilers):

You think there’s anyone I haven’t seen? Fucked around with? Followed? You think there isn’t a version of you I haven’t tweaked to be the very d-d-darkest you could be, with flesh in your fingernails and blood in your cheeks like a really fucked-up squirrel? I. Have tried. Them all. And pal… they don’t fucking work.

AO3 || Tumblr

------

God of Cowboys and Fools:

Well. No time like the present. “I am the King in Yellow, and you are now my slave,” I tell him, because that is the truth and we might as well get it done. He is a god, awakened in the crater of his birth. Somewhere out there is the Wizard he needs to ensure his misplaced immortality. Now, if only the Wizard would just do as he was told instead of fighting back, they could get on with the business of living forever.

AO3 || Tumblr

------

SACRAMENT - an Oscar one-shot

Arthur and John are long gone from Oscar's life, and whatever they did has left more than one wound in the world. Oscar's is obvious. Scratch's is not. Oscar certainly hadn't planned on encountering the malevolent spirit ever again, but now that he has, he faces a choice.

AO3 || Tumblr

----

BOYO

Warning: this is a dark fic. I liked me boyo’s anger, and he was just scuttered enough to make this work. To join me hitting the prop, and hitting too much. To not know when it was time to stop, and to follow my lead as we went far beyond. Wasn’t quite perfect. Didn’t have the rhythm yet. But I knew he’d get it; musical lad, or I’m a whaler, and I’d get him singing my tune. The fool died, and my boyo stood there, panting, blood everywhere, and hit the body again just because. Fuckin’ beautiful, that was to see.

AO3 || Tumblr

------

THE INCIDENT - a one-shot for the @malevolent-fanzine

Arthur and John are in Arkham, getting their burgeoning P.I. business off the ground. And then Kayne asks for a favor, and everything goes to hell.

AO3 || Tumblr

--------

TRY, TRY AGAIN - a one-shot for the @malevolent-fanzine

The King in Yellow worked for a month to get Arthur to spill the information he wanted. Eventually, he got what he wanted through a made-up Bostonian, Adam Fry. What happened in the month before Arthur woke?

AO3 || Tumblr

--------

CONFESSION

There’s a trick to confession, if you want to keep another from hearing what you said. But not hearing it don’t make it not true, don’t make it go away.

I fear Arthur’s truth, so big and bright. I fear ours together may strike like flint and leap into devouring flame.

An Oscar one-shot

AO3 || Tumblr

--------

PEDANTIC

Arthur Lester is the best IT architect in the world, and the reason Carcosa, Inc. has its fingers in every pie. Government, medical, everyone in the world uses its systems. Arthur is also going blind, with a rare genetic condition that can’t be fixed. The looming depression is bad. He can’t imagine a life where he can’t create anymore. Arthur nearly gives up… until a deeply annoying cybersecurity programmer prods him into trying something new. Great, right? Now, if only this John Doe weren’t clearly hiding something so wild that not even PI Parker Yang can dig it out….

AO3 || Tumblr

--------

PET

Arthur loses John. Hastur loses Arthur. Yellow does not deserve what happens here.

AO3

--------

PUSH

They survived. John got his promised body. They're free. But Arthur is still blind, and now, he no longer has someone in his head, helping him around. He's not all right. It's all coming out of him in anger. Today, John needed a break... and, left alone, Arthur tries a four-legged substitute. It goes about as well as can be expected.

AO3 || Tumblr

--------

NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY

Angst warning Things happen when we age. Unavoidable things. Until death do we part.

AO3

--------

CLOUD CITY - MALEVOLENT BIG BANG 2023

The sun never rises in Cloud City. Owned by distant gods, the world creaks along in techno-magical paralysis, making Contracts with spirits, and limping along in isolated enclaves while monsters run wild in the Wastes. Five years ago, Arthur Lester, a private investigator, made a Contract with a Summon called Hastur. The deal? His soul in exchange for the identity of his daughter's murderer. Until the time Arthur's soul is ripe for harvesting, Hastur will give him power, and eventually must find Faroe's killer. If he doesn't, they both die, so failure is not an option. Hastur, however, is not a normal Summon... and it turns out he's come here and chosen Arthur in order to stop a threat that will destroy the entire universe if it succeeds. Unfortunately, humans aren't meant to channel power like Hastur's, and Arthur's body is beginning to break down. It's a race against time to solve Faroe's murder and stop the incoming threat before he simply drops dead.

AO3 || Tumblr

-----------

YELLOW CITY - A CONTINUATION OF CLOUD CITY

Arthur Lester has been taken by the King into the Dreamlands. Arthur Lester has gone quite mad. As promised, Arthur will suffer… but his presence will have a bigger effect on the future of Earth than anyone planned.

AO3

-----------

PUSH

They survived. John got his promised body. They're free. But Arthur is still blind, and now, he no longer has someone in his head, helping him around. He's not all right. It's all coming out of him in anger. Today, John needed a break... and, left alone, Arthur tries a four-legged substitute. It goes about as well as can be expected.

AO3 || Tumblr

---------

THE BIRTHDAY SONG

Very much post-canon. Very much fluff. John has a body. Arthur has his sight. They've figured it out, working in Arkham, making their way through life, and John, at last, has chosen his birthday. It's all fluff from here, folks.

AO3 || Tumblr

----------

WORTH THE PRICE OF A BOTTLE OF POP

So, anybody want a crack-fic with Kayne, Arthur, and too much sugar even for an Outer God?

AO3 || Tumblr

----------

FIVE TIMES JOHN WANTED TO SEE A MOVIE, AND ONE TIME KAYNE MADE IT SUCK

In which Arthur struggles with right and wrong, bemoans the Hays Code, tries (and fails) to define love, and gets a second chance.

AO3 || Tumblr

----------

SURROGATE

The beginning of the series, Surrogate: The Director's cut.

The King in Yellow has a plan. The first part works, and Arthur Lester is broken. The second half blows up in his face. John has gone mad, and Hastur’s adopted daughter is upset, but that’s not all. It turns out a certain Outer God wasn’t done watching that show, and when he arrives with director’s notes, not even the King in Yellow can refuse him.

AO3 || Tumblr

-------

DEVISER (PODCAST)

DEVIL

Dad knew he'd failed with humans. Dad did not know he'd succeeded somewhere else.

AO3 || Tumblr

----------

RED

Son likes painting. Son likes red.It makes him feel some odd things. Things he doesn’t really have a word for. He really likes the way it looks splattered on his hands.

AO3 || Tumblr

[hyunnieshannie]

SUPERBOARD

Chapter 3: N/S

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader

Word Count: 5.7k

General Synopsis: S_Class started off as a street racing team, built between friends but as the adrenaline rush died down, racing wasn’t enough. N/S was formed. What started off with petty crimes, quickly spiraled into a string of organized crime. 

Warnings: Mentions of sex PALACE. Mentions of violence, weapons, drugs, growing weed,

Added: If you would like to tour the N/S House please click here: Bedrooms Personal Rooms Common Spaces

A/N: Holy shit this one took a lot out of us...

Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction, this does not represent the idols mentioned in any way.

please DO NOT rewrite, translate, or repost this fic. Thank you.

PREVIOUS MASTERLIST NEXT

You didn’t sleep that night, your brain was too busy pestering you about the idea of needing to choose between Limitless, and S_Class. Your mind twisted with Felix’s words of warning. How would choosing a crew be a lifetime commitment? Who was Domino? Why was ���Jinnie’ offered up? In what way was ‘Jinnie’ offered to you? Why did Jake let you spend the entire time with the S_Class crew? Was he sick of you? Was his plan to pawn you off to them? What would he gain from letting you lean towards S_Class? What would he gain if you joined Limitless? The more you learned about each group the more you wondered if these were just racing teams, or if you’d actually been brought into some weird type of cult. 

Why could questions only be answered by the respective groups? What the fuck and why the fuck are they so secretive? What about the weapons? Fighting? And seriously who the fuck was Domino, and why did Phobia look so pained to even hear the name? What had Phobia done for them to bring something clearly painful to him up? 

All the questions you had, would either go unanswered or you could find out. IF you joined S_Class. Limitless showed no real interest in you. Felix was right, they had handed you off from the get go. Sure Oddinary and NoEasy were both clear ring leaders with power over both groups you couldn’t even begin to comprehend, but if what Felix said was true, if Limitless wanted you, they’d have fought them and made one of their own members show you around. 

You were exhausted. Tossing and turning all night, from everything. The more you thought on it, the more questions you had. You wanted to know what was going on with S_Class, you wanted to know why Phobia looked so distressed. You wanted to know why you even cared about his stupid fucking emotions, when he had treated you like nothing more than a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe, that he was trying desperately to get off him. 

As you walked through the halls of your university, you couldn’t help but almost want to avoid both Jake and Felix, and whoever the fuck Yeosang was. 

“No name!” a black haired boy dressed in a pair of baggy black pants, a white tee and an oversized leather jacket comes jogging up to you, waving at you. You recognize him from the race yesterday, he was glued to NoEasy. AH! Double Knot. 

“Uh…”

“Jeongin,” he says, and quickly notices the confusion on your face.

“Hi?” 

“Oh uh, sorry. You might know me as-”

“No, no I know who you are, I just didn’t expect you to be here.” You feel an arm drape over your shoulder from behind you and you turn quickly to see Felix smiling at you and the boy standing in front of you. 

“Nah, Innie here is just a baby, he’s still gotta attend classes you know Princess?” Felix teases in a sing-song tone. “Just because he’s dicking down one of the leaders, doesn’t mean she gives him a free pass on skipping classes,” 

“You’re just mad I landed on one of the sisters and you didn’t.” Jeongin puffs out his chest, obviously proud of the girl he gets to call his, a smug smile pursed on his lips.  

“Interesting way to describe my sister.” Oddinary huffs as she walks past, with Maniac in tow. 

“Shut it Kierra, you know it's true!” Felix laughs. 

“Remember your place Felix.” Maniac seethes at Felix. 

“Ooh big scary Minho, is threatening me in school! Common man, go back to quietly simping for your girl.” Felix teases, making kissy faces at Maniac, no, Minho. Dear god this is gonna get confusing.

“I'm not a simp?” Minho says and rolls his eyes at Felix’s childish antics. 

“You took an extra year to make sure she’d be safe. That's simping.” Jeongin adds.

“That's loyalty.” Oddindary, nope, Kierra says brushing Felix off your shoulder. “You pick a side yet No Name?” 

“That’s my job?” Felix huffs, as you see Jake running up to the group of people that circled around you.

“Jakey boy, here to find out the answer?” Felix teases, pushing and poking at Jake’s arms. 

“Partially that, partially to figure out where Seungmin is, dude was supposed to meet me like ten minutes ago.” 

They’re all watching you, waiting for some sort of answer. Earlier you had thought you came to the conclusion that you knew exactly where you’d land and pick neither group. But now, with them all in front of you. You were once again conflicted. Jake had come alone, once again. Meanwhile S_Class had presented themselves in front of you. Each waiting eagerly for your response. 

“I-” you look between Jake and the S_Class crew, eyes landing on Felix. “I think I’m a bit more comfortable with you guys…”

“You made the right choice No Name.” Kierra said, patting your head gently.

“I’ll tell Akira.” Jeongin said, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

“Today you ride with me, and Hyunnie.” Kierra says. “We have a lot of work to be done before you're brought into the crew fully, Hyunnie will be your guide for that part. While Akira and I find you a spot, you good to leave your car here overnight or?” 

“I don’t have one-” you say a little shyly and the people surrounding you all gasp. It does seem a little silly to join a racing team and not have a car…

“I can work with this.” Kierra nods slowly. “Surely I got something around. Maybe Bin can whip something together for you. Can you at least drive?” You nod your head. “Wonderful, meet me at the back end of the school at one. Don’t worry about whatever classes you have.” 

~𝄋~

You look at the clock displayed on your phone, the time read twelve fifty-eight. You were early. Something inside you told you, you didn’t want to push Kierra’s buttons when you’d be riding with her. You look up and see Phobia walking towards you. God he’s even more beautiful in the day time, the sun kissing his tan skin making it look like he’s fucking glowing. 

“No name,” he says coldly as he stands next to you. 

“Phobia.” you say shyly to greet him back.

“Call me Hyunjin here. It’s fine.” You’re playing with your fingers again, super uncomfortable with his cold disposition. “I see you dropped the Limitless losers.” 

“Felix made a compelling argument last night.” 

“With his dick?” You turn to him quickly and look at him in shock. What the fuck did he think you were? Did he think it was that you were that easy?

“Absolutely not?!” 

“He didn’t fuck you? Progress buddy, fucking progress!” Hyunjin laughs, but there was still a bit of seriousness to his praise to his friend. 

“So, where's Kierra?” you ask, shaking off the weird vibes that surrounded you both from his previous questioning.

“Getting her ‘child’ she should be here in a second. You’ll hear that monster of a practice car in a moment.” He emphasizes the word child on purpose. You just rolled your eyes at his comment and chose to ignore it. 

You hear the car before you see it. Kierra pulls up in a red Subaru wrx, her speakers blaring music as she smiles out the window at you and Hyunjin. You both wordlessly get in the car. You didn’t really ask where you were going, as the rules stated, “any information deemed worthy will be given”. Here we fuckin go I guess. 

~𝄋~

The drive was fairly long, for someone who was speeding down the highway at speeds that would kill you on impact if you were to somehow crash. Music blaring through the speakers, the bass reverberating through the car. Sending wave after wave of sound, physically through your chest. No one spoke the entirety of the way. Even with her speeding, the ride was roughly two hours long. By the time anyone said anything, you were headed into a forested area. You had no clue where you were. Your surroundings all looked the same. There was barely anything around, the only things that surrounded the lone road were tall trees and deep dark woods. There was no one else on the road. No cars for miles. The car stops, and both Oddinary Kierra, and Phobia Hyunjin turn to face you. 

“This is your last chance to back out. Before I give you any information I need you to think very carefully,” Kierra looks at you seriously through the rearview mirror. “This is a lifetime commitment, this is much more than just a racing crew. You can back out now, all you want; but if you choose to continue in, there's no backing out.” 

“Not if you value your life that is…” Hyunjin whispers, 

“My- what? My life?” 

“Think about it, no name. Think about it deeply.” They both turn to look at you seriously. Kierra’s seriousness was a little unnerving. 

What have you gotten yourself into? There was no information to make this decision, when you had originally made it you thought this would simply just be some team. A sports team of sorts. Now they’re saying your life would depend on your decision? Somehow this isn’t what's holding you back from wanting to continue on with them. Life has been pretty boring, stressful, and lately just not worth.. Continuing. Every move, every new school, every friend group made and lost, your family who cared about no one other than themselves. All of it added up, into what you were before moving to Seoul, to what you knew you would become the second you could escape them. “Can I have one question?” 

“You just asked one.” Hyunjin quips back at you. His tone is serious. He obviously doesn't trust you at all or like you very much. 

“Shoot.” Kierra rolls her eyes at Hyunjin, slapping his shoulder. 

“I have a shit family-” you start, “They move me around often. They don’t think of anyone but themselves. If this is a lifetime commitment, what happens if they decide to pick up and leave again?” Hyunjin looks at Kierra, he tightens his brows together and shakes his head slightly as if to say ‘no’. Kierra just looks back with a slight pout to her lips and nods affirmatively.

“Now let me answer that with a question,” Kierra asks. “Do you want to leave? If you had the option to stay, ignoring the money, and where you’d live. Would you? If you had a-” she pauses, picking her words carefully, “if you had a makeshift family, who would support you, financially, mentally, physically. Would you stay?” 

“I would.”

“Then you wouldn’t be moving.” Kierra says matter-of-factly. “If you choose to continue, you’d have all of that and more.” 

You think over her words. What have you really got to lose if you continue? The family who doesn't care about you? Kierra is offering you that family. They’re offering you so much more than you could get at home. “Then I’ll go on.” Kierra nods, as she slowly pulls the car forwards onto a gravel path. The forest thickens around you, until you reach a large clearing with a modern mansion in front of you. The house is massive from the outside, windows surrounding the front of the house, a large staircase leading to the front door, with an entrance to a garage right next to it. The house looks like it goes on forever. Kierra pulls in slowly to the driveway, from the outside; you don’t see how the driveway leading into the garage actually slopes downwards. She continues in slowly, the fluorescent lights all turning on as the motion from the car triggers their sensors. As the dark garage brightens you notice you’ve entered what looks like to be a garage the size of one that you’d typically find in apartment complexes. Who the fuck has a garage this big? You see the line of cars all parked in designated spots labeled with each person's name carefully written into a metal plate placed on the wall. 

Kierra pulls into the spot that is marked with her name. Each of you getting out of the car. 

“Hyunnie,” Kierra calls,

“Ki.” Hyunjin turns back to her.

“Be a doll?” 

“Yes ma’am.” Hyunjin says and he turns to you and says “I’ll be back,” before he heads out of the garage. 

“So, no name. What’s your name?” Kierra asks as she leads you towards the stairs. You walk past another garage, much smaller, but had a shit ton of equipment in it, music blasting throughout the room. She walks with you up the stairs and into a huge living room with black couches and windows that reach the tall ceilings. You both continue to walk into the living room and you can see the kitchen a bit further away. 

“Y/N.” you say as you look around the place in absolute awe. 

“Well, Y/N. Welcome to N/S base.” She motions her hand towards the couch, wordlessly telling you to sit on the black clothed couch. “This is where we work, plan, play, and live. Everything is done here.” Kierra says fondly as she looks around the room. You notice a large table behind her couch, with enough seating for 18 people. You see a staircase that leads to a loft above the living room. The house was all greyscale, blacks, grays, whites, and wood tones decorated most of the house that you have seen so far. Kierra turns to you a little more seriously. “This is our safe space, where we can do what we want when we want. Without the world telling us we’re wrong.” 

“This is our haven.” NoEasy says as she walks up with Hyunjin in tow. “And now yours as well.”

“Mine?” you ask confused, looking between the two girls and Hyunjin. 

Kierra hums and nods her head, “Jinnie will show you around while Akira and I work out the specifics. You’ll meet with Hanji later. I find it’s best to learn on the job.” Kierra smiles smugly as she winks at her sister. Hyunjin stiffens next to NoEasy Akira. 

“Ki-” Hyunjin stops Kierra before she continues. “Ki, are you sure sending her out with Ji is a good idea?” Kierra looks at him and gives him a look. 

“For now. You need to understand what you’ve been brought into.” Akira cuts him off before he says anything else. You are fully confused now. “I’m sure Hyune has mentioned, not to ask questions. Well now is your time to defy him, ask away.” You have just been given a gift. Any question you want. What the fuck do you ask first?? 

“I thought your team name was S_Class. What is N/S?” You ask carefully. 

“S_Class is our team name.” Hyunjin answers quickly. “N/S is the organization that owns S_Class. Next Question.” 

You're starting to piece things together - large house, many cars, code names, ‘Without the world telling us we’re wrong’, secrecy, your life depending on your decisions. Ahh, you got it. “What sort of business owns an illegal street racing team?” 

“An illegal business?” Hyunjin says snarkily, folding his arms across his chest.

“Jinnie,” Kierra scolds..

“Ki, babe seriously what kind of question is that? Did you really expect me not to say something back?” Hyunjin whines. You see Minho jump over the back of the couch and pull Kierra into his side. 

“Watch your tone, Hyunjin.” Minho threatens. 

“Yeah, whatever. Next question.” Hyunjin waves him off, looking back at you to continue. 

“If N/S is the organization that owns you all-” 

“Let me stop you there, N/S owns the team love.” Minho stops you before you have the chance to finish your sentence. “The ones who own us all, are sitting in front of you.” He points his finger between Kierra and Akira. A look of shock crosses your face. How in the fuck do these two women own all of these dudes? Were they slaves? Sex Slaves? Why are you here?

“So you’re a gang.” You say carefully. 

“Bingo baby,” Minho snaps his fingers and leans back to Kierra, gripping her thigh between his hand. 

“I see,” you nod in understanding. “So, why am I here?” 

“Jinnie.” Kierra calls. “Be a doll?” 

“Yes ma’am.” Hyunjin says and leaves the room again. You notice that whenever Kierra calls him ‘doll’ he goes off without a single word further of what he has to do. Like it's ingrained in him somehow. But without missing a beat, Akira continues for her sister. 

“To put it simply, we recently lost a member.” Akira says calmly. “Replacing a member takes time. Now I didn’t expect 7PM to just go and drop a replacement in our lap like that, but all is fair on S_Class territory. They lost their chance, not that you’d fare well with them anyways.” 

“That brat The8 would’ve eaten her alive,” Minho seethes through his teeth.

“My love?” Kierra says in a sing-song voice. 

“Yes, kitten?” Minho responds back immediately.

“Why don’t you go play with Innie, I’m sure he has a broken down new toy, waiting to be fixed. I heard it runs quite fast.” Kierra says and looks to her sister. Minho smirks at her and kisses her temple before getting up and leaving the room. 

“I love those kinds of toys,” Minho chuckles, rubbing his hands together. You look at him in confusion. What the fuck are they talking about. 

“Make sure Innie doesn’t go too hard after it, please? I’d like to actually see it today.” Akira chimes in before he can leave. 

“And Minho?” Kierra calls out, Minho turning around to look at her. “We don’t want a parrot.” Minho nods, the smile on his face is devious, scary. He looks excited to play with this toy. Minho leaves the room and the girls turn back to you. 

“So before I send you off with Hyune, we’re gonna have to get some rules straight okay?” Akira says and waits for your undivided attention. “Rule number one, everyone has a job. Respect it. Unless asked to help, stay out of their way.” You nod and her sister continues. 

“Rule number two. Nothing that happens within this group ever, EVER, leaves the group.” Kierra says, nodding to herself. 

“Rule three, ALWAYS make sure to present yourself as irreplaceable. Everyone is replaceable, make sure we don’t ever want to cut you lose.” Akira rattles off. You notice that the two of them are bouncing back and forth throughout this whole ordeal, as if it is well rehearsed, something that is shared between the two of them, two equals. 

“Rule four, do not EVER speak of past members, they’re gone for a reason. Hopefully, you’ll never have to witness someone leaving.” Kierra says the last part a little sadly. You take a mental note to ask about that next time you have permission to ask questions. 

“Rule five,” Hyunjin returns to the living room between Akira’s words. “Do not EVER, mention the name N/S or 7PM to ANYONE outside the organizations.” Kierra looks at Hyunjin and nods to him. 

Hyunjin walks up to you and motions his head for you to follow him, “lets go No Name.” He leads you to the top of the grand staircase, up to the top floor. “Kierra and Akira designed this house to have everything we need.” Once you reach the top of the staircase, Hyunjin motions his hand down the hallway for you to continue further. “This is the top floor. Kierra and Akira live up here. To the right, is Kierra’s room.” He opens the door to a black bedroom, bed facing the windows with a black bedspread, black pillows and black blanket draped across it. The walls are painted gray with black accent pieces, minimal lighting. The large windows have sheer gray curtains hanging in front of them. You’re led further into her room and enter her bathroom, her closet attached at the end. The bathroom is a stark contrast to the bedroom. The walls, floor, and countertops are covered in a bright white tile, the same gray curtains hanging around the windows in front of the white bathtub (which could definitely fit 3 people easily). At the end of the bathroom was her closet, which matched the bedroom. Black walls, black cabinets and smaller wardrobes lined the whole room. You took note that there were mens and womens clothing in her closet. Did Minho share the room with her? “She’s got what she needs here, closet, bathroom, whatever. Never come up here if you’re not called to. You will most likely never need to come into her room, but you might be called up in general because across the hallway is her office. Kierra handles- The” Hyunjin pauses as he leads you out of her room and across the hall to her office. “Physical plans.” He opens the door and you’re brought into a very plain looking office. Wood fixtures decorated the room, a lone desk sat at the end of the room. 

“To the Left is Akira. Her room, she's got everything she needs, closet, bathroom. You get it.” He leads you into Akira’s room which you notice is the complete opposite of her sisters. Her bed is decorated with a white bedspread, white pillows, and a gray blanket. Her walls are lined with mirrors to brighten the room when the light hits it. Her bathroom was the opposite of Kierra’s as well, black and gray tiling lined the room and dark wood cabinetry finished it off. Her closet, also at the end of her bathroom, was again opposite of Kierras. White tiling on the floor, white shelving, and bright light fixtures. You also noticed that there were mens clothing in Akira’s closet too. “Across the hall, is her office. Akira handles more of the logistics.” He leads you out of Akira’s room and across the hall to a large office, black flooring, black walls, black furniture, a large black desk with computer monitors and paperwork filed neatly across it. There was plenty of seating in her office as well. You assume this is where they hold some of their important meetings.

“So, the brains and the brawn?” You ask carefully.

“They’re both the brain and the brawn, but they know how to play to their strengths. Plus, not like Ki will ever let Akira get into a fight without her. Nor will Akira let Ki go into a business deal without her. Together or nothing. Is this their favorite saying.” He says proudly. You take note that he calls Kierra by Ki when he drops his bad boy facade in front of you. What’s up with them? You wonder. 

“Next floor.” He announces as he leads you to the next level down. “Three bedrooms down here, Chan, Jisung, and Changbin.” He walks all the way down the hallway and to the right. “Chan’s room.” He opens the door to a pretty minimalist looking room. The walls are lined with a glossy gray tile, soft lighting scattered throughout the room, a bed centered on the back wall. His bathroom was lined with a darker gray tile, with the same warm lighting, as was his closet. The closet was decorated with dark wood cabinetry and glass doors. Hyunjin leads you out of Chan’s room and across the hall. “Changbin.” You’re starting to recognize a theme. All the rooms in the house that you’ve seen are either black, gray, or white. There was no in between. This room was no different. The walls were lined with half white marble tile at the bottom and accented wood paneling at the top half. The bed is situated adjacent to the windows, his bathroom a mix of gray and white tiling, and his closet a warm charcoal. Hyunjin leads you out of this room and further back towards the stairs to another room. He leads you into the gray room, the bed fixed in the middle of the room, his bathroom a mix of black, white and marble tile, and his closet lined with dark black cabinetry. He takes you from Jisung’s room and across the hall. “Jisung, and this is a personal room. It belongs to Chan. Do not go in unless invited.” He quickly opens the door and you can see what looks like a recording studio. You can’t see much inside before Hyunjin closes the door in your face quickly. 

“A lot of rooms huh-” 

“Eighteen full rooms, eleven bathrooms, six common spaces, and a greenhouse. In the backyard, passing the pool.” Hyunjin says incredibly casually. As if it was completely normal to have a house of this size. Even though, now that you’re thinking about it, the house didn’t look that big on the outside. Maybe 3 floors tops. Where are the rest of the rooms he’s talking about? He’s leading you back downstairs to the living room where you left the two girls. They’re no longer there. “Ground floor.” Hyunjin says as he continues walking through the living room and past the kitchen towards a hallway with 4 doors. “This section has two rooms, two personal rooms. On the left is Seungmin.” His room has to have the most personality you’ve seen, the walls covered in half gray bricking and half bookcase. His bed is situated against the windows. His bathroom and closet are a bland gray. “And next to his room is his personal room.” He leads you next door to a room decked out in computers, random equipment that you wouldn't even be able to name if you tried. “Across from him, Felix.” You take back what you thought before. This room has more color and personality than Seungmin’s. His room was painted gray, but was decorated in red lighting, lining the ceiling. And a large mirror sat behind his bed. His bathroom and closet were also decorated with the same red lighting in contrast to the gray walls and floors. “Trust me when I say, you don’t even want to walk into Felix’s personal room, especially if you’re invited into it.” 

“Why-” you ask confusedly as Hyunjin escorts you to the room next to Felix’s. He rolls his eyes and flings the door open. 

“O-oh, oh my god.” The best way for you to describe this room was a sex dungeon. Fixtures that you have never seen before were placed throughout the room, bright red lighting, similar to what was in his bedroom, lined the entire room. 

“Now you know what you’re in for, if you’re ever invited in there” Hyunjin laughs watching your shocked expression. He trudges along, back past the living room and kitchen again and down another hallway. “My room.” His room was probably the coziest one you saw today. His walls a warm cream, a wood accent wall decorated behind his bed, and a fireplace? His bathroom was a mix of black and wood features, and his closet stark gray and black. He leads you across the hall to another door. “And my personal space. If you ever come in here without permission, I’ll kill you.” Hyunjin quickly opens the door to his space, a brightly lit room, canvases, paints, and sketches pinned to the walls. An explosion of color from the rest of the house. Two of the walls of his room are lined with windows, looking out to the pool and the greenhouse. You looked around the room in awe. How could someone so cold have the brightest, most colorful room in the whole house? He quickly ushers you out of his studio and across the hall again, stopping at the door, his hand on the handle. “Lastly, this will be-” he can’t seem to come to the right words, pausing his movements. “It will be your room.” Hyunjin says, basically wincing as he says the words. “Go at it. Walk in, familiarize yourself with it.” 

You walk into the room to a pretty bland room. Two walls covered in a white tile, one covered in black tile, and the last wall a line of windows. The bed is plain cream and white. “It’s uh-” You walk further into the room, the bathroom has nice white marble flooring white gold accents throughout, the walls a gray tile with white accents throughout. You walk into the closet last. The room is completely white, with gold accents on the drawers, bright lighting lining the cabinetry, and a squishy carpet draped across the floor.

“You can decorate it how you want.” Hyunjin shifts from foot to foot as you walk through the closet. “But please- try to-” 

“Jinnie built that closet, custom.” Kierra sighs from the doorway. “So please take care of this entire room, or he will never forgive you for it.” 

“Oh- okay,” You say slightly confused as to why Hyunjin is being so weird about this room in particular. “Umm, so about this being my room…” 

“You can start to move in whenever, bring whatever you want from home.” Kierra says to you, elbowing Hyunjin to snap out of his weird fog.

“How will I even explain this to my parents?” 

“Leave that to Aki, and I.” Kierra continues to poke and prod at Hyunjin who is trying his best to ignore her and whisper to her ‘not now i'm working’. Seriously, what the hell is up with their weird dynamic? 

“Anyhow, I need to run to meet with Min, so I’ll be back by the time you’re set to head off with Hanji,” Kierra starts to head toward the door before turning around quickly. “And Jinnie?” 

“Yes ma’am?”

“Do me a favor?” He nods to affirm to her he’s listening. “Lighten up sweetheart, stress doesn’t suit you my love.” Kierra smiles wide and leaves the room. Did she just call him ‘my love’??? Isn’t she dating Minho??? 

“Ignore her,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “You can explore your personal room after, you still need to see the rest of the house.” 

“The rest? There’s literally no way anything else can fit itself in here.” Hyunjin smirks at you and leads you towards the stairs you came up from the garage earlier. “Oh,” he turns to the left towards the kitchen, between the kitchen and the staircase is yet another door. “This is the library, could also be considered our designated quiet room. It’s soundproof. Nice place.”  You peak your head in through the door and see every wall lined with bookcases, every space of the shelving filled with books. You can see a small seating area that is down a small set of stairs inside the library. He leads you back to the stairs and leads you down towards the garage, stopping at the door you saw earlier. 

“Changbins personal room, this is the one room you’ll find yourself in more often than most.” The room was covered in tools, tires, basically anything that had to do with fixing up cars. There wasn’t anyone in there anymore. He leads you out of the room and down the steps. You’re back in the garage. He walks across the garage to another set of doors. “These two rooms both belong to Minho and Jeongin.” He opens the door to a dance studio, wood flooring, and wall covered in mirrors. “Though, I admit I come here too sometimes.” He walks to the next room. “Unfortunately I can’t let you actually walk in here, but this is their other room.” He opens the door and the walls are lined with guns, a huge wood table centered in the room with black office chairs surrounding it. WHO THE FUCK OWNS THIS MANY GUNS? “Down the hall you’ll find two doors. To the left, you go upstairs exiting near the green house. To the right, you'll find another basement.” You walk down the other set of stairs. This house was a maze, how in the fuck were you supposed to remember where everything was. You entered a huge training room with a boxing ring at the center. 

“Training room. Behind those glass doors is the gym. Gym is for personal time, training area is for group activities, or if you’re training with someone else. As long as you’re never alone.” You head back up the stairs and out to the backyard. “That is Jisungs personal space.” He points to a huge glass greenhouse covered in vines. 

“He’s a florist?” 

“Of sorts.” Hyunjin laughs, and you both walk in and are immediately hit with the scent of weed. 

“I see,” you say as you shake your head. Hyunjin chuckles and walks you back inside to the living room. 

“And that’s that. Any questions?” 

“How-” 

“Rich kid perks I guess,” Hyunjin shrugs. 

“How do two people so well off end up becoming gang leaders?” You mumble. “If I had that life I’d-” 

“Best not to ask questions about their past. Or anyone’s past here. We’re all here for a reason Little Star, try not to act like you shine brighter than the rest of us.” You can tell that he’s basically saying ‘youre no better than us.’ “Last thing kid,” he sighs. “There's one other rule you need to know, it will be your golden rule.” You nod your head, waiting on his words. “Everything goes through Kierra and Akira. Every, single, little, thing. Need a bathroom break? Make sure they approve. You want to even breathe in their presence? Make sure they fucking approve. Don’t even blink if they don’t say you can.” 

“W-what- Surely it’s not that extreme…” 

“One thing those two value more than loyalty, is organization, and no one. I repeat, no one is better at it than them. Therefore everything must go through them. Tell me you understand this- please Y/N…” He’s never said please to you before. It’s almost a little concerning how desperate he is for you to understand his “golden rule”, but he looks pretty stressed about making sure you fully understand it. You nod your head and you can see him relax his shoulders slightly. Why is this stressing him out so much?

Tags @chanlixiiee @channiesbub @jaebaebaegot7 @maeleelee @iadorethemskz @maenijw @hangin-out-with-the-street-rats @elizalabs3 @jinniespuppy @painstakingly-juno @lethallyprotected @multeciahucho @@jisungsbff01

[lfghughes]

could you do something for jack based on i love you by billie eilish

a/n: this was probably one of the hardest songs for me to do because it could mean so many different things but i wrote my own little twist on it for you

“I love you..” The words floated around your head as if your brain was trying to comprehend what just came out of Jacks mouth. You could see the vulnerability in his eyes as he said it and it was going to crush you not returning the words and watching those eyes in pain but you had a boyfriend. One you had been with for years and it wasn’t a perfect relationship, something that Jack knew. He had been there for all your ups and downs but you didn’t think this whole time he had been falling in love with you.

You couldn’t return those words and you watched him as he waited for you to say something, anything. “Jack…I…You know I can’t.” You told him and there it was the pain in his eyes. “He doesn’t deserve you, I would never make you feel the way he does.” His voice cracked and you knew emotions were running high. You didn’t want to be the reason tears came out from those beautiful blue eyes. You didn’t want to sit here and see that happen. “I need to go.”

There felt like there was no right answer here. You left in a hurry, not wanting to stay behind in case you said something you couldn’t take back. Tears only left your eyes once you were out of his place and on the way back to yours. The love you felt for your boyfriend had been disappearing every day but he was all you knew and you didn’t want to start over even with Jack who knew you because that was a big risk.

Days had turned into weeks since the last time you had seen Jack and he still filled your brain. Most thoughts were about him. The arguments with your boyfriend only reminding you that maybe it wasn’t worth it. After a pretty bad argument you did what you shouldn’t have and messaged Jack to meet you at the park. He understood you the way no one else did.

It was surprising he showed up at all, after the way you had left him behind. He took one look at you and he knew there had been another fight. His arms wrapped around you and you held onto him like he was your lifesaver in a terrible storm. “Jack…” You whispered against his chest and his hold on you only got tighter. “You don’t have to say anything. I get it, I’ll always be here though.” He promised you. The promise filled your heart as you looked up at him. “I love you…I don’t want to but I do.” The words sat there between you as tears fell from your eyes.

You knew you deserved better, you deserved someone who could love you like Jack but starting over especially with someone you were friends with was scary. Maybe you didn’t deserve Jack, maybe he was too pure for you. But you know the feelings you had, the love you have for him was a lot more real than anything you had ever felt before.

[imagionationstation]

Okay, so…

As I was in the mist of ✨emotions✨, my explanation skills were barely sub-par, and I gave a lot of people misconceptions to my thoughts on the episode “A China Town Ghoststory”.

So let’s try and fix that.

The episode itself is okay as a fill-in ep that doesn’t have anything to do with the season plot-wise, though it’s existence didn’t really seem necessary, other than an early acknowledgment that ‘impossible spiritual powers do exist so be ready’, which set me up to accept explanations on the unexplained and impossible, like Vision Quest and Leo’s Healing Hands.

Spiritual insanity simply exists. There’s no more to it than that.

And I appreciate that they introduced it without a clichè, “by the way they suddenly have magic as a big plot-point even tho it hasn’t existed at all until now! Why? Oh, I dunno, it’s in their blood or something I guess.��

We got a casual introduction by a villain that only ever comes up once more in all five seasons. Respect. 3/4 out of five stars.

The one aspect that always boils my blood when it comes to this episode, however, is the fight scene between Donnie and his brothers. The first time I saw this episode, I did not understand how they went from trying to kill Donnie, to- Oh, look, let’s go get some pizza! (As my new-to-turtles mind interpreted it).

I was extremely confused, and continued to be confused for the next few watches. Then, at one point while doing research, I saw the scene from Donnie’s eyes, and not from the eyes of a viewer. And I was even more mortified by what I saw.

The way this scene plays out really feels like (note: I’m saying ‘feels like’ and not ‘definitely is’) the brothers were choosing pizza over Donnie. The episode was kinda insulting, the way they go through this whole insane battle, throw him out of a tornado, and then just… Go bicker over pizza? Really?

It makes sense when you lay it all out. The brothers are acting as brainwashed guard-dogs. Donnie is a danger to what they’re guarding. The only way for Ho Chan to keep control is for the brothers to not recognize who it is they’re hurting. The spell makes them see him as a danger, and they don’t fully comprehend that they’re about to end a brother’s life while serving an evil sorcerer.

There’s nothing dangerous or threatening about pizza. It’s something they love, and something they’ve been known to bicker about. If the brothers are in there subconsciously fighting back, it would make sense that they would give into the urge to go after the pizza pies and stop serving their ‘master’. Use the brainwashed aggression to fight over pizzas, or assault the brother who wants to help the captives that you’re guarding. Easy choice.

No matter how you look at it (whether they have some control or they have zero control), it would make sense that they’d go after the pizzas.

Still.

Still.

This must be horrific to witness from Donnie’s POV. Super-powered brothers all banning together to fight you to the death, and every instinct in your being is like “well, I can’t kill them!”- so you’re forced on defense the entire time. One wrong move and you’re dead, and it’ll be at their hands- and it doesn’t really look like they’re fighting back. They’re hurting and chucking and attacking you, seemingly willing to kill you without a second thought, and it’s like they don’t even care-

And for this big brain boy and his canon insecurities, Donnie is going to be overthinking this one moment way more than he should be for a long time.

The way that he still hasn’t picked himself off the ground when Casey reaches his side, and then has to lift him up to snap him out of a shocked stupor- well, that says something to me.

I feel like this episode could have and should have played out differently, but I know many people wouldn’t agree.

To summarize:

…..

I KNOW IT’S A CARTOON AND SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY AND ALL

I REALLY DO

BUT FROM A REAL PERSPECTIVE THIS IS TERRIBLE

WHY THE WRITERS HAVE TO JERK AROUND HIS EMOTIONS LIKE THAT, HMM?! 🥺

My rewrite of this scene is here