#my parents shouldn't have had to struggle with their issues either

[dredshirtroberts]

so i know getting to the doctor is hard when your insurance plan is shitty and i know it's tricky to make sure there's enough money for emergencies *and* for fun things.

but like. my parents could have tried a little harder and maybe i wouldn't have suffered my whole life and could have known what life is like when i don't have to struggle and fight through all my body's signals that something is wrong.

Also apparently eczema is a result of an over-active allergy response in your body, because my immune system is either too good or is very bad at its job. either way.

[royboyfanpage]

Okay, let's talk about Ollie's experience with fatherhood.

I'm an Oliver Queen apologist forever, but I think that there's a tendency in fandom to go one of two ways- "absolutely perfect dad, no flaws whatsoever" or "evil abuser who shouldn't be within six miles of a child". This isn't an Ollie exclusive phenomenon, a lot of characters and topics do fall into that black-and-white mindset. But the thing is- Ollie doesn't have to be either extreme. Particularly with Roy, who most of the debate centres around, Ollie wasn't perfect! I think there's such a rich discussion point in terms of young Roy's relationship with Ollie, so much more than just That Panel. Because, in my interpretation, Ollie absolutely cared about him, absolutely saw him as a son, but also the idea of being a father is something that deeply terrified him. The idea that this literal child being dependent on him made it feel more real, if that makes sense. Coming to terms with the fact that he was responsible for another person's life was difficult for him, and so he put up this wall- hero and sidekick. A conceptual dynamic, one that's not based in reality. He can keep that distance between himself and Roy and decide what that means, he doesn't have to be a father because that word has so many strong connotations, but he can still express that he cares about Roy, in his own way. That's why he always calls Roy 'Speedy' even out of costume, that's why his first thought is that Roy's undercover in Snowbirds. He can focus on being a good mentor to Speedy, which will have a trickle-down effect to being a good guardian to Roy, right?

Unfortunately, kids' brains don't work like that! Especially not a kid who's already lost two fathers. Roy needed a stability in his teenage years that Ollie just wasn't able to give at that time. He didn't see "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy because he loves me and doesn't know how to show it", he saw "Ollie's nice to me as Speedy, which means I'm only good as Speedy". This, at least in my opinion, is a major factor in Roy’s later self-esteem issues. Roy’s constantly underestimating himself as a hero, constantly comparing himself to Dick, and pushing himself 24/7 to improve because he internalised the idea that if he’s good, if he’s the perfect hero, then he’ll be loveable. He can’t be bad, he can’t fail, he can’t back down because if he does, he’s nothing.

It’s absolutely not Roy’s fault, but also this doesn’t mean that Ollie’s an evil neglecting abuser, either. Even the best parents fuck up, and Ollie was by no means the best parent. He took in Roy as a sidekick, as a buddy, and then never really found a way to combine the ideas of sidekick and son. He assumed that Roy would be able to interpret meanings behind gestures, which is something that Roy seems to struggle with even into adulthood. I’ve talked about it a fair bit, Roy’s absolutely someone who relies on the explicit, but he’s also not someone who’ll ask for clarification, which has caused conflict in his relationships time and time again. And while it's something he has gotten better at as he's gotten older, a 12-18 year old Roy would absolutely not be able to read Ollie's motives.

And Ollie's fear of fatherhood isn't something exclusive to Roy, either. Sure, he'd gotten better at it by the time Connor and Mia entered the picture (speaking as an oldest child myself, we are the guinea pigs of parenting, I was my mum's sibling), he absolutely still expresses this with them. I mean, just look at his face when he finds out Connor's his son.

That's the face of a man who's just had the crushing weight of parenthood slammed down onto him again, the moment Connor stopped being an ally and started being his responsibility. He's scared, because Ollie absolutely does not see himself as a good father for someone to have. This was very much present during Roy's teenage years, but particularly since this is post-Snowbirds. Both in terms of Roy developing a drug addiction and in terms of Ollie's own initial reaction to it, he immediately spirals. And, since we've already established he does not know how to process things, he lashes out at Connor.

And as for Mia, he's definitely matured significantly by the time she comes into the picture, and compared to with Roy he's a lot more open with his feelings. However!

He still won't explicitly accept the responsibility of fatherhood! Despite acting like a father to Mia in every way through his actions, he still won't use his words! Even though in the issue following, he expresses a paternal protectiveness over her.

And I think Mia's HIV diagnosis is maybe one of the biggest examples of his distancing himself and hiding his feelings, particularly when Connor asks him how he's feeling about it.

He's so fine, so totally fine, trust him when he says he's fine, totally not freaking out. He's absolutely not terrified for his not-daughter, no way.

Ollie has this fear that if he gets too attached to his kids, he's gonna end up failing them. If he keeps a distance from them, then he can't blame himself when they get hurt. Is this good parenting? No! Absolutely not! But this is also the man who dresses up as Robin Hood and who chose to die rather than lose his arm. This is not a healthy man.

But he tries, he tries so hard, even if it's in his own way. And he recognises when he fucks up! And he tries his best to mend it later on!

He's not the best at showing his kids that he loves them, but he's so proud of Roy when he becomes Red Arrow. He comes back to life to save Connor. He stands by Mia's side when she gets diagnosed and becomes Speedy. He's not a great dad, but goddamnit he's trying to be.

In conclusion, no, Ollie is not the perfect father. He's deeply flawed, and his own emotional incompetency has been and always will be a point of conflict between him and his kids. But he's not some uncaring abuser, either. He's trying.

[starlightazriel]

BAD BOY AZ FINAL PART <3 (I KNOW IM CRYING TOO)

warnings: FLUFF (you're welcome its not easy for me), smut, jealous az, childhood trauma effecting relationships(abandonment issues and overthinking everything), feeling unworthy, lots of time jumps

a/n: im sorry this took so long it shouldn't have because its short :( i struggled greatly. i just wanted to thank you guys for all the love ive received on this series, im just as sad as y'all but all good things must come to an end, i will eventually add additional drabbles for this series too and there's so many other things im working on rn, i hope y'all stick with me and read them i love you, requests are open. <3

additional parts can be found on my azriel masterlist

wc: 2.3k

"You know, I meant what I said the other night," Azriel says, leaning against the counter, his hands on either side of him. Y/n was sitting on the opposite side of the kitchen, her feet dangling as she sat on the counter, her hair was disheveled from sleep, hickeys covered over the one that Lucien had given her, Azriel couldn't bare to keep looking at it, so he'd remedied that the morning after they made love. They were spending time at his house now, her parents weren't coming back until Sunday so they had been at Azriels, fucking, making love, a lot of kissing, more than he had ever done in his life.

Fear gnawed at him, the anxiety was like a rock in his gut. But he ignored it, he was trying to change, trying to embrace other feelings.

"What did you say?" she cocks her head to the side, meeting his gaze, he swallows, his cheeks growing warm.

"I just said that um.." he struggles a little bit, his eyes shifting away from hers, "I want a fresh start with you.. I want-" he cuts himself off, feeling embarrassed. "Just want you to get everything the right way, the way that you deserve... Im probably not going to be any good at it, but I want to try," he swallows again, his eyes lifted back to hers, his chest warms at the smile on her face and he can't help but return it.

"Az I would love that," she breaths out. They hadn't really talked about anything in the past few days. He hated that the reason was because she was afraid to scare him away again, afraid that if she spoke about things that made him uncomfortable that she would lose him again. He hated that she had to be afraid about anything, she didnt realize that he wouldn't leave, even if he pushed her away. He physically couldn't stay away from her.

He was struggling for sure, especially with things like that, it made him feel even more like he didnt deserve her. He didnt deserve her kindness and her understanding, her love.

"So... See a movie with me tomorrow," he suggests, licking over his bottom lip.

He knew there was still things to worry about. His plans after graduation, which now seemed almost impossible, earning the approval of her parents who never seemed to like him much, even the thought of the approaching summer stressed him out. But right now.. Right now he just wanted to show her what she was truly worth, make her feel the way that he should have from the very beginning.

"I would love that too," she grins back at him, leaning her hands back on the counter, her feet swinging, gently tapping the cabinets. He wished he could freeze the moment forever, just there with her, in his kitchen, his t-shirt, oversized on her, draped over that beautiful body. And she was his, she loved him. "Az the pancakes," she reminds him, and her words cause him to snap out of his haze.

"Oh shit," he turns, smoke curling up from the pan. "I burnt them butterfingers, you distracted me," he smiles sheepishly pulling the pan off of the stove.

"Azriel, I didn't do anything," she laughs, shaking her head. "You should have just let me make them, I told you," she smirks, raising an eyebrow at him.

"You don't have to do anything to always have my attention," and it was true, every time she was in his presence she consumed it. He figured, saying things like that were easier than saying I love you. She still hadn't said it again, he didnt blame her. He knew how she felt though, even if she was afraid of scaring him off again.

Her eyes gleamed at the statement, like it had warmed her insides. He blushed, when had he started getting flustered? "What are we going to eat?" she asks, a small pout forming on her lips.

"I should just eat you for breakfast," he says, closing the space between them so he was standing in front of her now , he rested his hands on her knees, slowly started sliding up, his fingers pressing gently. She bites her lip, her eyes drifting over his body carefully like she was trying to remember each and every one of his tattoos. She giggles softly when he burys his face in her neck, pulling her to the edge of the counter. "Shower with me," he mumbles softly against her neck, placing soft wet kisses there.

She giggles again quietly, nodding her head and he picks her up, carrying her to the bathroom. He sets her on her feet and kisses her forehead again, before slowly pulling his shirt that she was wearing over her head. He bites his lips softly, watching her breasts spring free, he hums and turns her around, bending down and slowly pulling her panties off, marveling up at her beautiful body. I love you. He didn't say it out loud though. He turns the water on and checks the temperature before gently tapping her ass as if to push her along into the shower. She laughs again. "Thanks Az," she hums softly, stepping under the warm water. "But don't forget I'm still hungry," she adds, glancing back at him, the curtain only half closed.

His lips twitch as he looks at her hungrily, pulling his own pants and socks off so he could join her.

"I gotchu baby," he nods, stepping into the shower with her. "Cereal remember?" he mumbles and she scrunches her nose at him.

"Maybe we should just go out for breakfast Az," she laughs and shakes her head at him, he smirks down at her shrugging his shoulders. He uses a washcloth, squeezing soap over her and watching it run down her perfect little perky breasts. "You look so good," he whispers, his eyes finding hers again. It was getting easier... The intimacy, the eye contact. The more time they spent, the easier it seemed to get. Azriel picked her up again, and she squealed.

"Az, I swear if you drop me," she breaths out, he could feel her heart pounding, their chests pressed together.

"I would never butterfingers," he mumbles softly, pressing more kisses to her wet skin. "Im gonna fuck you now," he mumbles, pressing her body against the wall of the shower her back arches at the coolness of the tile and she moans softly. "Put it in baby," he grunts softly, his lips everywhere, needy and desperate. He would never be able to get enough of her. Her breathing was heavy as she reached between the two of them, her hands sliding between their slippery bodies, no space between them. She pulls at his cock and he lets out a small sigh of relief as he buries himself inside her, filling her all the way up.

"Oh," she gasps out, her head tilting back against the tiles, he holds her up, burying himself inside of her over and over again.

"Fuckkk," he moans into her ear, his thrusts becoming more sloppy and desperate with each stroke. "You feel so good," he whispers into her ear, his voice husky and needy. She presses her bare chest against him, moaning again her release shaking through her whole body. Azriel groans softly at the feeling of her walls fighting around him before he spills himself inside her. They stayed like that for a while, water running over their faces, between their bodies, breaths heavy, chests heaving.

"How'd I get so lucky?" Azriel breaths out before gently setting her back down on her feet.

"You're not just lucky Az, you deserve this. Everyone deserves to be happy."

-

Azriel had been quiet since he picked me up from my house for out very first date as... A couple?

I could tell he was more nervous around me now. Like he was more careful, like he wanted to do everything perfectly for me. He would get flustered and shy any time he dared to say something that was sweet and out of character for him. It warmed me to my very bones.

"So this is your first real date?" Azriel asks, breaking the silence between us, his spliff hanging lazily from his lips. "Shot?" he asks after, offering me his flask, I take a small one before handing it back. We were in the parking lot at the cinema, Azriel had insisted that we had to pregame before going in.

"Thank you," I say and smile, our eyes meeting. "I mean technically yes it is, unless you count-"

"Count what?" he interrupts me, his expression shifting slightly. My cheeks burned as I recalled the night that I had shared with Lucien.

"I was just gonna say unless you count double dates," I add softly, his jaw flexes, and he looks away from me, staring forward out the windshield.

"Almost forgot about that tool," he mumbles, taking another long drag of the spliff, I watch him, pulling my lip between my teeth. Hes silently fuming, not looking at me, his jaw flexing and unflexing. "I should knock him out the next time I see him," Azriel shrugs, his eyes still trained on the windshield in front of him.

"I didnt actually fuck him Azriel... We just.." I trail off, remembering the night well. It hadn't been that long ago...

"Spare me the details," he mutters, shrugging his shoulders. "Lets go in," he opens his door, getting out of the car. I sigh softly, my eyes narrowing slightly at him.

"Must you always drink?" I ask quietly, watching as he finished off the flask and shoved it in his pocket.

"Not always," he shrugs and reaches his hand out for me, I give him a look but take his hand anyway.

"It's my first real date with someone that I love," it was the first time I voiced the word since that night I had been drunk on his chest months ago. I felt his hand tighten around mine, and he turned his head back, giving me a smile.

-

"Fuck you guys doing?" Azriel walks in to Rhys' and Cass' apartment, his hand in y/n's, pulling her behind him. She was nervous, he could tell. They were older than Azriel, which was mainly what she had been worried about, she had told him earlier that s he thought they would just think she was a baby. Azriel had assured her that they wouldn't care, though he knew they would comment on it later. Maybe even poke fun at him for it.

"Not a damn," Cass answers, his eyes landing on y/n, his brows raise as he surveys her, stopping at her hand tucked neatly away in Azriels, he had never seen that before. "Who's this?" he nods his head, beaming at her, she swallows, biting down softly on her lip.

"This is y/n," Azriel says casually. He hadn't spoken a word about her to them yet, he figured they would put it together, that this was the exact reason he had been behaving the way he was recently. "Y/n, meet my brothers, Rhys and Cass," Azriel points to both of them and she waves, smiling sheepishly as she takes in their appearance.

"Welcome y/n, I don't think we ever thought this day would come," Rhys chimes in finally, Cass begins snickering from his seat. "And this is your..." Rhys trails off, his eyes landing back on Azriel, Cass is grinning stupidly, expectantly in the corner waiting to see what Azriel was going to say, almost like a teen girl watching a reality show. This was new for both of them, Azriel had never brought a girl to meet them before, not since maybe middle school, but that didnt count.

"She's my baby," Azriel shrugs casually, his ears were hot, he knew they would poke relentless fun at him for ages.

"Your baby?" Rhys repeats, his tone laced with amusement, Cass is snickering again from his corner, a pause on the spliff he was rolling as he listened.

"He means to say his girlfriend," y/n chimes in, Azriel could tell she felt comfortable here, no more shyness in sight. Rhys and Cass were like that though, their vibe was just... Easy. All of their eyes snap to her and she smiles cheekily. "But hes absolutely petrified of the word," she tacks on, Azriel feels his cheeks burn and he shoots her a warning look. He'd get her back later. It wasn't that he was petrified of it... It was just that he couldn't get used to it.

"I like her Az, keep her," Cass is still chuckling to himself, marveling slightly. He never thought he'd see the day Az would bring home a girl.

"You two are embarrassing."

-

The pair were sitting on the beach, the warm summer air kissing their skin, the only sound was the ocean and the fair they had just come from off in the distance.

Azriel turned, admiring the way her hair ruffled in the breeze, in this moment, he didnt care about anything. Neither of them did. Azriel had decided not to move away, he was looking for a real job, hunting for an apartment that would be close enough to town that they could still be together... He knew there was still things to figure out, winning over her parents, that were nice enough but still looked down on him as if he would never be good enough for their daughter, the fact that she would eventually graduate, probably go off to college...

She wasnt worried though. She loved him enough to know that no matter what happened, or where they were... That nothing could break the bond they had built.

"Y/n, I love you," the words slipped out as Azriel gazed upon her, feeling so whole, so free yet so safe at the same time. He couldn't help himself. She deserved to know, anyway.

Her heart warmed, she turned toward him, leaning in, embracing the feel of his body against hers.

"I love you so much Azriel," she responds softly, their eyes fixed on one anothers. It was so easy now. For both of them.

"Thank you baby," he whispers softly, his throat bobbing. "Thank you for never giving up."

-

a/n: * not proof read yet, also im sorry its short don't hate me or kill me, i tried to warn y'all im trash at writing anything besides angst, i seriously struggled writing this because i feel like i forced it when I succk omg plus i feel like their story could have been over with the last part but i wanted to give you guys more you deserve all the fluff after everything we've been through. so here is your happy ending, i love you, stay tuned for what im working on next. <3

[cripplecharacters]

Hello, I have a question. In one of my projects, set in a vaguely 1600s fantasy pirate setting, one of my characters starts out as a burn survivor, with a large burn on her cheek.

She wears a scarf initially to protect the burn from the salt air as well as some self esteem issues, however I don’t want to fall into the masked burn survivor trope, or have a self-hating disabled character.

If it helps, over the course of the story she gets access to hydrating salves and stops needing the scarf as she grows to accept her facial difference.

Thank you for your time, and for all the help you give to us!

Hi!

I think protecting a burn scar from salt is smart. It also could help with the sun-related issues. However, the scarf should be of an appropriate material - a rough texture would only irritate and scratch it, which causes even more problems. If you mention that, or show the process of her choosing something that works for her from that angle, I think it would be much more of a "medical device" and less of a "hiding disability".

It's important to discuss why she has the self-esteem issues. Don't make it into a "Duh, obviously someone with a facial difference would have low self-esteem, just look at them!" which I constantly see.

Was she bullied or harassed over being disabled?

Is she traumatized from experiencing abuse or aggression? Does she fear that being visibly disabled will make her a target for violence again?

Was there a particular person who made her feel that way, like a parent or a "friend" that influenced her view of herself?

Was society around her lacking examples of happy burn survivors, so she assumed that she can't be happy either?

Make it clear why she feels that way, and don't make the narrative frame her facial difference as the root problem. The problem should be the thing that caused her to feel insecure. It's the same as the fact that mobility aids aren't a problem, inaccessibility is - at least that's how I look at it as someone who has an FD and uses a mobility aid.

This is by no means disability-specific, but look out for tragedy porn. Even if she has had bad experiences, I guarantee you that she had happy ones as well. In her case, maybe she met the funniest girl ever at the 1600s fantasy pirate burn unit, maybe the doctor who treated her helped her discover a new hobby while she was stuck in bed. Her backstory shouldn't boil down to "happy (abled) life, then the Accident, then horrible (disabled) life". That'd be a very hurtful message to send.

I do appreciate that she gets character development around her facial difference. I will say that this internal change often comes from seeing other disabled people thrive, being proud, shown as beautiful and valuable, etc. Representation is important in stories, even in-universe. This was certainly the case for me, and is the reason why now I'm so loud about including happy and positive people with facial differences everywhere. This stuff doesn't exist in a vacuum, you're affecting how people see themselves. It also leads me to my last, probably comically predictable point, which is...

Add more burn survivors, or at least characters with other facial differences, into the story. Preferably ones that have the low self-esteem either far behind them or haven't struggled with it in general (we exist). They don't have to be major characters but even just mentioned; e.g. your character thinking about other survivors she met in the place that treated her burns, or her seeing people with visible facial differences out and about and it making her think about why she even hides hers, etc. In short - don't make shame seem like the default reaction to having a facial difference, because it isn't.

I hope this helps!

mod Sasza

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not cooking dinner for my AuDHD brother?

A little background: we are twins, both 21 years old. Recently we were both back home over the holidays while our parents were away. My parents usually cook for my brother, make sure he eats a proper meal (cooked food with veggies, carbs and meat) at least once, usually twice a day because he often forgets. He is underweight and keeps very different hours to me because of his ADHD and Insomnia. He often gets up and has a ready meal at 2am while everyone else in the house is asleep.

Anyway, when my parents left they told me to please try and cook for him at least once a day. They also charged me with looking after the cat. So, on the first night I made us both toad in the hole (it's a British thing. Sausages, mash and Yorkshire puddings) with the help of the food my parents had bought for me for while they were away. I had to call him several times to get him to come downstairs and eat, and he didn't help with the food in any way. On the second night, I was exhausted and had already eaten a large lunch, so I only made myself a small dinner and didn't bother to call my brother down to eat, because I figured he could do it himself. He didn't eat anything that day until midnight, I came down the next morning to find a ready meal package in the sink (fairly typical for him. I was also doing all the washing up). I felt guilty about this so I cooked us pancakes for breakfast. That night my parents got back late but my mum still cooked him some pasta because he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. This made me feel bad I didn't make dinner for him that night either, because I was snacking all day and wasn't hungry. I did tell him there was some chilli I had defrosted but he didn't get any.

I also have autism and depression so I struggle to do a lot of house work, and cooking for two people and caring for the cat, while trying to do my uni work was extremely taxing, and my mental health seriously declined over these three days. I also feel like I am not his maid and I shouldn't have to cook for him and clean up after him, even though I know it is because of his ADHD and other mental health issues that he can't do it without help. My parents have also expressed frustration about him never cooking for himself when he is home, but they just put up with it.

I feel bad, because he is trying to put on weight but has only been eating about one meal a day, along with whatever snacks my mum buys for him (mainly muffins and crisps). Am I being Ableist because his needs are different than mine? Am i the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[celaenaeiln]

My connection went off so idk if my ask just sent but. I was wondering your thoughts on post Robin Jason, because idk what his deal is at this point and writers don't seem to either. I don't think he's a heartless killer who should be hated and hunted by the entire family but I don't like this fanon "Jason is 100% right about everything and everyone else is the problem" idea either, when they put him in the family he feels really out of place and random and it's just.. one moment he's trying to kill Tim and the next he's the best guy ever with the softest heart?? I don't know there has to be a middle ground right?? I just can't get into Red Hood as a character due to this

Thank you for being so incredibly smart, reasonable, and intelligent.

You're exactly right. I think this is the same issue that's been affecting the Robin Dick vs Robin Jason mischaracterizations as well as the batgirls' that have been predominant in the fandom post 2020. Tim and Damian's motivations and personality have stayed the same from when they entered to now but Dick, Jason, Cass, and Steph have all grown as characters. Who they started out as, they've changed from then to now which has led to some confusion about their personality and motivations.

For Jason in particular - no, he shouldn't be hunted to the ends of the Earth for the things he did. He was hurting and acted out of pain. However it's irresponsible to refute those actions and blame other characters for them.

Jason was originally meant to be a villain. He was supposed to be like Freeze, a sympathetic villain - a character who despite their evil actions is understandable. All Freeze wants is his wife, Nora, back. He loves her and commits horrible acts that don't justify his actions but it makes sense. You're supposed to feel complicated about characters like him because they point out exactly why morality is grey. What Freeze does is wrong, but he does it for the right reasons. It's ultimately still wrong which is why he gets imprisoned.

That is Jason. Jason's actions were never supposed to okay. In what universe would creators who spent half a century working on and developing characters be okay with another character trying to kill them? What about that is acceptable? But it's not just trying to kill Tim (who only escaped by outsmarting Jason) or trying to kill Damian, the crimes he did are not acceptable.

He bombed Gotham just because despite knowing he didn't need to. He was willing to kill innocent children, men, women, and civilians for Dick and Damian were chasing him, after they helped him.

Batman and Robin (2009) Issue #25

In the Red Robin Comics, he was willing to use children as bait during a gang war.

Robin (1993) Issue #177

Not to mention Mia Dearden.

But at the same time, he killed people who hurt children

Red Hood: Lost Days Issue #3

Initially Jason's morality was a swinging pendulum. He was as likely to kill kids as he was to protect them. He didn't care about the lives of civilians if it meant getting away or completing his plans.

Batman/Superman (2013) Issue #26

Here Superman says he wants to save a kid so Jason argues that to save him, they need to poison the environment and wipe out several countries.

That's why Bruce struggles with Jason so much. Over his lack of care for people's lives. It's not the murdering of criminals that Batman is caught up on which is where I believe the misunderstanding in fanon comes from. It's his fear that by his own hands, Bruce created a deadlier version of the man who killed his parents.

Batman vs Robin Issue #3

So no it's not fair to blame everyone for Jason's mistakes and claim him innocent, but it's also not fair to say Bruce had nothing to do with Jason's mental state. If he had shown a little less hesitance at the reappearance of Jason in Under the Red Hood, if he had shown a little more love then Jason probably wouldn't have gone as crazy as he did after coming back.

Because he saw Jason killing everyone, Bruce fell into his worst possible explanation of Jason, knowing the pain he was going through but succumbing to selfish actions to protect himself.

Jason's tough to deal with for writers because even when the batfamily reaches out, Jason is the one that burns his own bridges. When Dick begged Jason to take his hand during the Battle for the Cowl, when Dick and Damian helped Jason save his friend during Batman and Robin (2009), when Bruce saved Jason and fought alongside him against a couple members of the Secret Society of Supervillains, Jason immediately turned around and killed people and bragged about it.

In Batman Urban Legends, Jason tells Bruce that he has given up guns to which Bruce is grateful but it's also not for him. It's a sign that Jason is turning a new leaf especially given how caring he was with the kid, calling him Blue Hoodie. That was so sweet of him. The current Batman family comics are a sign of things changing between Jason and the family. What has happened up until now is not the family's fault, especially when they've reached out for the sole purpose of extending an olive branch only to have it burned and tied to a person in return. But now things are slowly changing and writers are trying to show that.

Jason's story is story of growth. He didn't come back to save people, he came specifically for the sake of hurting Bruce. But over the years, the repeated attempts of the family (Dick and far less Bruce) of bringing Jason back into the fold has helped him move past his anger. To slowly become adjusted and settle down.

Writers have struggled to know what to do with a character that canonically wants to be included in the family but rebuffs their every attempt to include him. They finally figured out the problem was Bruce - hence his fight against Jason and his exit in Gotham War. I'm assuming now that Jason will become more involved in Batman comics.

As a character currently though, I think of him as a lone ranger. He works independently but he'll show up for family meetings and big events. He'll also join family dinners if he's coerced but for the most part he likes to run on his own or with his team.

[horrorisunknowntoyou]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Mexican! Fem-Reader

A/N: Self indulgence at its finest.

Reader is first gen (USA), parents are old fashion folks. Also Simon's backstory.

TW// mentioned of abuse, sexism and death.

---------------------------------------------------

You were the newbie in the team, it was hard warming up to team. Luckily most were very welcoming, however a certain skull masked individual prefered to keep his distance. He reminded you of the "Catrin."

It was kinda lonesome in the beginning as you didn't know them well, not to mention you kinda kept to yourself. During times like this, Ghost slowly started to warm up to you and start conversations. Once he fully trusted you, which took a very long time.

------------------------------------------------------

Once you two started your relationship which each other. You started to open up more, be that your culture or simply being more talkative now that you're finally assured.

But first let's get the work part out.

Anything revolving translating, or communicating with Spanish or Spanish speakers was your call. Since the other boys accents were too rough to speak it naturally it was your job to do.

The boys found out quickly that when you're stressed out or extremely tired, you speak Spanish. Ghost found out, when he asked you something and you just replied back in Spanish without a thought and fell back asleep in your cot. He stood there confused.

Also when your pissed, which isn't often you start fumbling your words. And when your truly pissed off, you start cussing out in Spanish. Let's just say none of the boys were prepared for that.

-----------------------------------------------------

Now for the fun stuff, introducing the boys specifically Ghost to your culture.

The first thing you introduced to them was actually games.

Specifically "Loteria", Ghost was having such a hard time saying the cards names. Soap would get frustrated and looked over his shoulder and take the card out his hand and say it. You just liked watching the chaos it brought out between them. From being frustrated from the names or being too competitive.

Then you brought out toys you used to play with, like clackers. Trompos and boleros as examples.

"I warn you, it's kinda loud and if you messed up it hurts. " You mentioned to the boys. "My mom can do this so it shouldn't be too hard." You gave them a quick demonstration.

Gaz looked at it, " are you sure this is safe? "

"Eh, maybe?" You shrugged.

Soap was the first one to try it and immediately hit his face because he went too hard.

"GAH, FUCK'EN HELL."

Ghost laughed at it, as he was messing around with those poppers you get from swap meets.

Price had those plastic cheap ass phones that played that random song with butterflies.

You giggled watching these grown men enjoying these toys you used to played with.

--------------------------------------------------------

The struggles of being you.

Even though you loved your culture and accepted who you are as a person. That doesn't mean there's not any faults within it either likey any other culture.

You struggled alot in the beginning of you and Ghost relationship, not because of him refusing to open up. Actually you were fine that he didn't show his face or him telling you his backstory. He will tell you when the time is right and when he feels comfortable. No, your issue is... you didn't know whether to tell him yours.

You loved him, but you worried about things that's cultural norm for you but to him it could be awful or even triggering.

Like you had to have to worry about machismo and sexism. You struggled alot growing up first gen in the US. You, yourself was confused of your own identity crying that you wished you were white to be pretty like them or to be accepted. You learned to cook later in life because you didn't want to become an other housewife to some alcoholic man like your mother in an act of rebellion.

And you knew your parents suffered alot, for you to grow up in US. Yeah, you know they neglected you but they still provide so much. And it's not fault either, as much you tell yourself.

You just wanted to make them proud.

Eventually you open this part of yourself to Ghost and he accepted it. He didn't rush you to say everything but he was willing to be there for you. And that's all that matters.

All you could do was cry "thank you's" into his shoulders.

----------------------------------------------------------

Now to the domestic side of things.

When you started to live together it was certainly an adjustment to what Ghost was used to. It was a little awkward at first but he soon adjusted to it.

First things first, he can't sleep without you near him. You ease his mind and comfort him both at home and in missions.

Especially during nights where his night terrors we're really bad. You'll play soft melodies you knew for him to calm down.

You also taught him how to dance bachata for fun, he was kinda flustered at it.

He adores your cooking, haft the time he doesn't even know what the hell he's eating. And any leftovers are given to the crew since you make so much.

Speaking of cooking, ingredients depending where you live are hard to come by. ( Depending if in US or UK) so sometimes you can't make certain foods.

Also Ghost is so dramatic over chilis specifically cooking chili's on the stove, because he is not used to it at all. He has to step outside. Especially if he's wearing his mask. You have no issues with it though lol.

One of the first ever gifts you gave Ghost was those tiger blankets he was surprised how comfortable it was for the cold. He uses it all time now, unless it's summer.

You also got Ghost into those shitty soap operas, once an awhile he'll join in them. You did tell him ones he can watch and some that he can't. *Cough" la Rosa de Guadalupe. *cough*

He also gets mad when you watch an episode without him.

But your favorite is when they involve the military or police. He critiques it hard. Making fun at how idiotic it is.

"It was unnecessary to use that in that situation it makes no fuckin sense." Simon says, arms crossed sitting on the couch. You perked up to look over the TV as you were in the kitchen making lunch.

"well maybe they used it so she can survive? After all they need her so they can find out what happened. " He scoffs at the response.

"What they did, should have killed them because the blast radius. That's bullshit. "

You shrugged, " I don't know...plot I guess?"

------------------------------------------------------

But there was one memory that'll you hold close to your heart.

It was related to "dia de los muetos."

You celebrate it but the days were coming close to the celebrations. By this time, you knew of Simon's past. It was a heart breaking one, that's for certain, so you asked him.

You gently knocked on the door and let yourself in, "Simon, can I ask you something. If that's alright with you. " He looked up from what he's doing.

"What is it?"

You explained your intentions. "Is that alright with you? Im asking Incase it bothered you. " He agreed but he was silent about it, you leaned on the door frame. " Your more then welcome to add to it, your my family too."

And with that, you left the room.

You set up the alter near the living room, with your grandparents and old pets on it. You gave Simon the option if he wanted to join.

And he did, you can tell he's trembling and your hand gently reaches his and you help him place the photos. And the little trinkets and things on top. You took it slow with him, it was obviously emotional for him. But it felt like he can finally process it. It still hurts, that will never go away.

But the fact, you lend your hand out and accept all of him even the part of him hes burden with including their death.

It was therapeutic, he kinda just sat down in front of the altar and cried.

You put your arm around him reassuringly and just let him breathe.

And for that, he was forever grateful for you.

A/n: hope you guys liked this! It was a alot lol. I kinda teared up at the day of dead part. Shit makes me emotional. But overall I really enjoyed this. It's not my best work but I hoped I did it justice.

Also for bachata, I imagine the song is "Eres Mia" by Romeo Santos lol.

[shrimpathizer]

this is just a theory (i haven't looked into this bit that much) but I feel like the reason that misinformation is so wildly rampant in online communities about ADHD (probably also autism) is in part because of how inaccessible actual professional information about it is.

Like, I remember before I got my diagnosis (what started off this whole thing a while back), I was looking at the CDC website description of symptoms of ADHD with my mom and. If you thought you were neurodivergent and were looking at this thing trying to see if you should get tested, its basically saying "screw you. you're either a child who is going to be here because of their parents, or an adult who is also here because of another neurotypical."

one of the criteria was literally "is often 'on the go' acting as if 'driven by a motor.'" that means absolutely nothing. you are using undefined expressions to explain something to someone who historically is not good at understanding unexplained social norms (such as expressions).

plus, its incredibly subjective. "on the go" could mean something wildly different for one person then the next. and "often" could mean "all the time every day" or "only at school" or even "every other week." not to mention the memory issues that at least a lot of the people who I know with ADHD struggle with.

someone who might have ADHD has no way of knowing if they "often have trouble organizing tasks and activities" or if that is a normal amount. there is no way for them to easily know if they "often do not seem to listen when spoken to directly."

so it seems obvious to me, that they would turn to other people with ADHD. and the easiest place to find them these days is online. thats how I started wondering if I should get diagnosed. they're probably trying to find some other way to understand or know. and since its social media and social media is rampant with misinformation, of course they are going to be fed misinformation.

people are going to tell them "you see this weird thing that you do? I do that too. and its actually because of this much larger thing. trust me." and people will. because there really isn't much of another place for them to turn. they are going to self-diagnose with every disorder under the sun to make themselves feel at home and feel like they aren't weird or wrong.

maybe i'm way off here but I think that if you want people (teens in particular) to stop turning to social media for comfort and information, you should give them other resources that are accessible. that they don't have to pay to see, that they can understand clearly, that acknowledges all the weird things that they feel bad about.

and sort of as a side note: i remember in elementary school, early on (this might have just been my school/city/state), the school set up one of those mobile classrooms on the yard and would pull kids out for like a good couple months to do eye exams. because we've normalized that kids also have eye problems and thats normal. and maybe, could we also get a small little assessment. just to see if we can find neurodivergent kids early on and get them help so that they don't suffer for years and years.

and i'm not talking as someone who has had it hard. i have had it so easy compared to so many others. i have supportive parents and get good grades, and yet, i am constantly burnt out. i constantly feel horrible. not just because of depression. maybe i'm being too radical here but i feel like i shouldn't need a 504 plan to say that if i'm having a panic attack i can leave the room. that if i'm having trouble focusing i can go to the library or somewhere else. that i can get extensions on due dates. that i can see a copy of the notes or lesson for reference. i don't know maybe i'm just incredibly radical that i think people shouldn't have to be expected to work four times as hard to get anything done and then get blamed when they don't live up to the expectation. whether or not they are neurodivergent.

[theheirofthesharingan]

Hello,

As someone who’s recently delved into the anime community, I’ve noticed a profound connection many fans have with characters like Itachi and Sasuke. Their stories are undeniably tragic, and it’s clear they hold a special place in the hearts of many.

I’m curious about the depth of affection and empathy for these characters, considering they are fictional. What is it about their journeys that resonates so deeply with you? Is it not challenging to experience heartache over their struggles and sacrifices on a daily basis?

From my perspective, anime is a source of enjoyment and escapism. While I understand the impact of these characters, I wonder if focusing on their sorrow might overshadow the joy and adventure that new anime series can bring.

Itachi’s tale has concluded, and Sasuke’s safety is assured within the narrative. Wouldn’t exploring new stories potentially enrich our lives with diverse experiences and emotions?

I hope this question comes across as sincere and not dismissive of your feelings. I’m genuinely interested in understanding the emotional bonds fans create with these characters.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Any piece of media that explores emotions and emotional bonds between characters is likely to click with a lot of people and leave profound impact on them. I'm not into anime or TV in general either, so I haven't seen many shows except for a handful few I can count on the fingers of my one hand.

To me, personally, while both Itachi and Sasuke are special because they're well written, there's also a kind of relatablity factor.

Sasuke grew up being compared to Itachi, no matter how hard he tried he didn't get the acknowledgement he deserved, because his brother was considered better than him. Maybe Itachi was better than him in skills and knowledge, but Sasuke was a different person with a different personality who shouldn't have been compared with Itachi at all. I've been through the same. Being compared with my classmates, friends repeatedly no matter how hard I worked. It just wasn't enough for some reason. It poisons you from inside and leaves you feeling insecure with a lot of sell-esteem issues. We know Sasuke went through them.

It's the same with Itachi. Kids experience different versions of parents. Older kids meet more immature and flawed versions of their moms and dads. The mistakes parents made with them aren't repeated with the second and third-borns. That doesn't mean it doesn't damage the older children who didn't ask to be born and bear the brunt of their parents' traumas. They're older so no they're expected to take the burdens and the responsibility. They kind of become mother and father to their younger siblings but more tender ones.

That's how Itachi and Sasuke's relationship before the massacre was as well as Itachi's relationship with his parents. I find this very relatable. The way he's not allowed to voice his opinions yet he cares about his brother. His ideals aren't really considered relevant, and his feelings don't matter to any adult in his life. That is so, so, so relatable to me. I learned a lot about my relationship with my parents when I watched and analyzed Itachi's with his parents. I learned to forgive my own parents after that. This is getting a little personal, but yeah, it happened. I don't feel as angry and bitter with them as I did before I watched Naruto last year.

Other than that, there are people who watched Naruto and also other anime, and they love these two along with the characters from other anime. I'm just not all that interested in it even though, yes, more stories would mean more entertainment. But I'm not someone who moves on easily from things and people.

Plus, I like the 'flavour' of angst some characters provide. It's hard to explain in the words, but it's like seeing colours. And it doesn't happen with every character I read about or watch. With Itachi, I 'see' red colour, and yes, it's the colour of his susano'o as well, but I'd had this feeling about him before it was introduced. It's like his aura that has some kind of purity to it. It doesn't have anything to do with his morals or how I perceive them, but something else. With Sasuke, it was bluish-purple. Again similar to his susano'o, but I'd had this 'vision' about his aura from the beginning. A character from a show in my country made me think of transparent snowflakes - pure and unblemished, and when his character was ruined, I started to see the 'muddied static' and I lost the connect with him. It never happened with Itachi or Sasuke. I love them both so much.

And I don't think I'm missing out on anything by not watching other anime. They might have other well-written characters that I might fall in love with too, but I love what Sasuke and Itachi make me feel. They're my comfort characters and they're therapeutic to me too, and they both feel very personal to me. Their pain made me feel less lonely. I don't really have friends irl (not the ones I can talk to when I feel alone), okay, this is getting even more personal but yeah so I spend my time either reading or writing. And it's also probably because if you've been depressed for too long, this kind of pain becomes addictive. So I need something to latch on to because I don't want to go to therapy.

This whole answer probably hasn't made any sense, because I don't know.. I tried my best, I swear.

[skys-archive]

TW TALK ABOUT PSYCHOSIS AND PARANOIA

Guys I can tell this is gonna be bad

I'm out of my antipsychotics and people are testing me so hard. This is the worst time I'm going to go psychotic.

My boyfriend of a year and a half is at basic training right now for the army. I haven't talked to him in about a month because of this. We weren't able to see each other for a while beforehand for reasons that don't matter related to this post, but a few days before he left he showed up at my house with a few of my things and basically was just there to reassure me that he was safe and okay and would be leaving that Monday for basic.

Today my best friend called me and asked me if he was engaged. I said no, she asked if I was sure. She sent me a TikTok. It was one of those "you may have dated him but I get his last name" posts with a picture of my boyfriend(??) and her together and her hand with a ring. Part of the thing is, this was posted in May. When we were still very much seeing each other very often.

I'm very, very confused. He's not the kind of person to not tell me things, we've been together and serious for a long time and I genuinely love him more than I've ever loved anyone before. It somehow feels so so fake. Hes never dated her as far as i know i didnt think he even really liked her. If it is fake, a thought I have is that, his parents are very very homophobic. They've constantly pressured him into being straight and marrying a woman. I feel in my heart that there's some explanation that makes sense. But I don't know if that's real instinct or if that's my delusions getting the best of me.

If it's a thing for his parents, why would he never tell me? If he didn’t love me, why would he keep seeing me? It's not like it was for sex, I'm asexual.

I feel like there's an explanation. But I can't get one right now. He's at basic, I can't talk to him, i wasn't able to see him much prior so I never found out the address of where he is so I can't send him a letter. I have to wait several weeks.

And on top of this, I'm finding out that other people knew. Other people knew this and didn't tell me. It's starting to make me think people are out against me. It's making me think people are trying to hurt me as much as possible.

I've struggled with paranoia and psychosis for years. With my boyfriend, I've always had the issue of other people. I will admit, before I knew him he really wasn't a great person. He did a lot of things he shouldn't have. Before I met him he started to get better. He is truly a great man now, and I'm really proud of how far he's come and how much he's grown. But anyway, a lot of people knew him before. A lot of people don't like him. The whole time I've dated him, I've had people telling me he'll be bad for me. That he's grooming me, he only wants me for sex, he's bad for my mental health, etc when all I've ever seen is the complete opposite. He never pressured me into anything sexual, I've been happier with him than any other time in my life. And quite frankly about the grooming just, no??? He's not???

But im psychotic. I have paranoia. I have delusions. On multiple occasions all of these things people say to me have gotten to my head. I've gotten thrown into episodes convinced he's playing this long sadistic game to hurt me as much as he possibly can. Nearly every time there's a misunderstanding, it starts to make me panic. I start worrying that people are right. And that if they are right they'll never have sympathy because "i should have seen the signs". Every time, he and my best friend have helped me pull out of it. To recognize that I know it's not true, I have proof it's not true. They're patient and loving and caring and do everything to help me be okay when I have psychotic episodes.

But right now I don't have that. I can't talk to him. I can't talk through what I'm feeling and thinking and what's scaring me. I can't have him help me explain everything. And I can't with my best friend either. Because we don't fully know. We don't know what's going on we don't know if it's true we don't know why thus happened. So she can't sit there with her logic as she always does. She can't say that she's seen me be happier and watch how great he is for me because all of this is so out of the blue that we don't know. We don't know what's going on.

And to top it all off im not on my risperidone right now because I had an issue with refilling my medication and US pharmaceutical industry is shit. So I have all of these things eating away inside my head and I don't know what to believe and I'm not even on the medication that helps me deal with it.

I don't know who to believe I don't know what to believe. How can I believe my instincts that there's more to this than I'm seeing if my brain is full of delusions that make me believe myself against all facts. I'm once again convinced that this was a game. That he decided to play the long game for two years and being fake and do everything to love me and treat me wonderfully and just be perfect only to rip it all away from me when it would hurt the most. And I know logically this can't be true can it this can't be real. He's never like this. Who plays the long game just for their own sadistic tendencies BUT PEOPLE DO IT. People are sadistic people like to see others hurt.

I don't know. I don't know what to do. I have several weeks until I can figure out the truth. Several agonizing weeks of letting delusions and paranoia flood my head until I'm back in that awful spot I was all over again.

I'm so scared. I can't fix it this time. I can't pull myself out of the psychosis. I don't want to go back.

I don't know what to do.

[eff-plays]

Not exactly a dadstarion truther either (mostly bc it took me a while to actually warm up to the idea and also hes NEVER having kids with my durge, only my tav (can you imagine this man parenting a Bhaalspawn? A dhampir Bhaalspawn?? Nonono.)) But I do find something a little compelling about the thought of this man who a) has had absolutely nothing of his own for as long as he can remember and b) sees himself as worthless and irreparably fucked up creating this tiny new person? Like, they're part of him, he made this precious little creature (with the person he already loves most)? This soft and innocent thing? (Which he would waffle awfully between wanting to keep innocent for as long as possible but also making sure they know about life's horrors so they can avoid them) Like sure the baby version is annoyingly loud and can't do anything and also gross and smells but he can teach the toddler to bite people. He is the absolute worst enabler, spoils the kid rotten. Teaches them to steal and pick locks and just lets them get away with murder. Parent #2 has to do all the actual parenting part cuz damn he's not doing the discipline thing at all.

Also the vain part of him likes looking at his kid and sort of seeing some of his face in them, since he can't use an actual mirror.

Well he'd be cured by the time he has the kid or soon after in my canon, so that last part wouldn't apply for me.

And yeah, when I say that I'm not a dadstarion truther I don't mean that I don't see it happening ever, but more that to me, that first step in itself is the one that I see as least likely.

Because I can accept that he would learn to love the kid, that he would care about it and spoil it. I can also accept (and would gladly explore) him having a complicated relationship with the kid, either early on in a postpartum depression sort of way, or further down the line in a "I can't find common ground with my teen/young adult" sort of way (or both lbr).

The problem, to me, is that I don't see Astarion going "let's have a kid!" I don't see him genuinely wanting one, and I don't see him finding any reason to lie about wanting one, and I don't see Hira believing any of those lies even if he does try. It's really the initial hurdle. The rest I'm happy to make as dysfunctional and weird as it would realistically be when a guy who shouldn't be a dad becomes a dad. One of the reasons I came up with Critter is because I find it compelling how much Astarion is not a dad guy, and how that would fuck up a person like Critter. That's juicy stuff. And also a way for me to work out my own daddy issues I guess lmao.

But getting that started? Actually inventing a reason for how Astarion would even agree to it? That's where I struggle. And that's why I'm torn. Cuz I do want to stay true to my own interpretation of a character, while also wanting to create a new character and put them both (and also Hira) in situations.

Like I'm happy for all the dadstarion peeps who have cool dhampir girlies running around on adventures and I'd love to join them, but I also think that if I were true to Astarion's characterization, that kid would have issues. Like maybe a lot of them.

[steddielations]

I'm not looking to start The Discourse so if you don't feel like answering this I'd totally understand, but I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like I'm losing it when I see people complain about how supposedly Eddie focused everything. I struggle to believe how these people can be serious about this. almost every fic ever in some way involves Eddie being a bad or downright terrible bf and it's always so OOC because people like to make Steve really angsty. Or the ones that really get me are the ones where Wayne's relationship with STEVE is focused on more than Wayne and Eddie. Half the time it reads like a small but loud chunk steddie of fandom don't even really like Eddie, he's just there out of convenience. I do understand the appeal of that for people who really love Steve but like, it shouldn't come at the expense of Eddie as character. Some of these fics you could easily replace him with other characters and it'd make no difference to the fic. Like I said, totally understand if you don't feel like answering this, I genuinely don't mean to be bitchy cause I don't like yucking peoples yums, but it did feel like I was in the twilight zone for a while seeing people's complaining, so I just wanted to have a little rant 😭

I’m glad to know someone has had the same experience as me! Like I’m not trying to dissuade people from writing Steve centric stuff or even complain, but truly I don’t understand when people say steddie fics are majority Eddie centric. I filtered this down to just the steddie ao3 fics but it’s not even close

And these are just the ones that are tagged. Personally I consider a fic to be Steve centric just based on if it has majority Steve focused tags, like Steve has bad parents, Steve needs a hug, hurt Steve, stuff like that and then it doesn't have any Eddie focused tags. Which is majority of Steddie fics and again I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that's how it is. Also on tumblr, in my experience, I'd say 8 times out of 10 when I come across a steddie fic it's Steve centric. I only notice because I look for Eddie centric stuff personally because there's such a lack of it. That's also why I started to pretty much write only Eddie centric stuff too. But I'm also careful not to erase Steve's trauma or demote him to the stand in perfect boyfriend or erase Robin's role in his life and replace her with Eddie, but I can't say the same with the way majority of Steve centric fics treat Eddie's character.

I think having an issue with the way Steve and Eddie are most often characterized in Steddie fics is a different conversation. I'll be honest, most of what I come across in my opinion is the writer projecting onto Steve and then Eddie's either the perfect boyfriend who talks like a therapist and has a magical healing cock, or he's the worst person in the world just to manufacture Steve angst. I have some major gripes about fanon Steve and fanon Eddie too, I have to steer clear of a lot of fics and keep my mouth shut to avoid discourse. Not saying I have perfect characterization or anything, but I definitely go against a lot of fanon popular stuff. I understand that some people hate popular fanon Eddie (so do I usually lmao) but its clear that it's being projected onto canon Eddie too. I see a lot of Eddie hate from people that ship steddie and that's fine, I'm so used to seeing Eddie hate it doesn't even faze me anymore, but I don't understand how you fixate on a ship that you hate an entire half of.

I'm glad you brought up the Wayne thing because that bothers me so much, I've spoken to a friend who noticed this too. To be clear, I love Wayne and Steve fics, I've written Wayne and Steve fics, but there's a difference when it's a fic about Wayne and Steve developing a familial relationship and when the whole purpose of the fic is Wayne growing closer to Steve than Eddie, choosing Steve over Eddie, loving Steve more than Eddie, etc. Especially when the fic has Eddie as a neglect/abuse survivor, honestly I just think it's weird to write a story where a neglect/abuse survivor's only caretaker is choosing someone else over him, and it's supposed to be a good happy thing? Also when the writer has clear disdain toward Eddie, Idk, maybe take your Eddie-hating lens off for a second and get some perspective on what you're writing. And the crazy thing is, those types of fics are usually received really well. I don't know, it's just not for me.

Anyway, this is the most discourse-y I've ever been on my blog lmao. I'm just at the point where I don't care anymore, everyone's voicing their opinions so I'll voice mine too. Thank you for sending me this, I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way!!

[cccccasperghost]

Does anyone else feel a little icky about oakworthy rn?

Especially after this episode it just doesn't feel right. Like at first it was fucking sweet to see a queer person in the main cast, like "oh an awkward quirky boy crushing on an overly confident drama dweeb, sick."

After the comedy standup episode and learning that no he didn't steal the mascot costume for school spirit and no he doesn't actually like Normal I was like ok cool, not ideal but certainly salvageable. Maybe an friends to enemies to lovers kind of thing, I still have hope for them.

Them after that is was just all downhill. It feels more like Hermie's just using the fact that Normal likes him for his own gain and that just doesn't sit right.

Like yeah Hermie has his own shit with his dad's going on as well as obvious mental health issues to deal with but that shouldn't be an excuse. And it certainly shouldn't be Normal's job to fix that.

And the fact that Normal is now developing actual feelings for Hermie and genuinely trying to help someone who (for lack of a better word because it feels too little to say crush) he loves just breaks me to see him get treated like this.

Hermie knows Normal likes him and he's actively using that to try and get Normal to first kill his dad then get with two of his friends.

Maybe if Hermie sees how much pain he's putting Normal through, or I don't know like Normal being doodlerised or something and he starts either trying or move on maybe then they can build a relationship or friendship.

I just want Normal to be happy, maybe it's just my own baggage filling into this or something but this isn't right. The amount of stress that Normal's under has got to stop.

I mean first your dad goes missing, then you realize your dad has been running some organization to fight monsters, turns out he isn't proud of you, one of you're friends alliance herself with a murderer, they kill your principal Infront of you, your dad fucked with the world up, you have to go into another dimension to save your dad, a weird monster thing from that world is the only person to see how hurt you are right now, you're finally able to go home, now your friends going through some shit that you have to help with. After that you learn that the boy you've been crushing on scammed you for your mascot costume, something you love very dearly, but that's fine you think its awesome that someone has that much school spirit- SIKE. Turns out he didn't do it for any reason you thought, actually he couldn't give less of a shit about you, now he's asking you to kill his dad for a date, then goes directly to you for advise to get with your friends after you learn that your very cruelty free very vegan and consent enforcing parents have been forcing your sister to fight and kill animals because she has to be the chosen one.

Like dude can't catch a break, so much is out of his control and none of the kids or adults seem to be doing anything about it or care. This is probably one of the only things he can control in his life and yet he's still getting hurt by it.

It would make sense if he got doodlerised and honestly that might have to be the thing that get his family and friends to care about it. I'm not saying all the other teens traumas and struggles aren't valid but you can't compare them.

Taylor has always had a good life, he's had a caring, rich, and financially stable mother.

Linc has two wonderful dads who care about his mental health and supports his interest, sure grant hasn't always been truthful about his really dangerous job but even when they were trying to keep the teens in the d.a.d.d.i.e.s building he cared about his sons wellbeing.

Scary is the only one out of them who stands a chance against the emotional pain scale against normal. Shehas a wonderful mother, but she struggles with not having her dad around and doesn't feel like she fits in her own family and now the fact that her step father has been shot in front of her which I'm not saying isn't as bad as what Normal's going through just hold on. All of the teens struggle don't even touch the generational pain that normal is going through with his entire life and the lives of his dad and uncle and his grandfather.

It's clear he's trying so hard to carry everyone else's pain and Hermie is deliberately using his kind and caring nature and it feels so wrong. He's not blind he can see how much normal is holding and using his emotions and Normal's knowledge on how he views him and using it against him.

I want so badly for it to work but I don't know how it can.

Anyways this was more stream of consciousness than I wanted but let me know your ideas on it, maybe I'm thinking about it wrong I don't know.

[beans-tour-diary]

Day 236

Christmas was uneventful. My mom got me a men's shower set, that was pretty funny. Other than that, I had a little talk about pronouns with her, that went well.

Since I got back I had a lot to think about. It wasn't an issue when I was gone, but now that I'm back with my partner, my desire is through the roof. It's actually annoying.

It also made me think about the possibility of being on the ace spectrum again. Sounds like the exact opposite, doesn't it? Well, I've noticed over the years how I only feel desire, even when alone, if I have a person to I'm into. When I'm single and not looking, I feel it maybe every third month. The few days at my parents' I was away from my partner who I usually live with. We also didn't text a lot. Before and after my desire was 📈, you know, how a teenage boy just is. During it was practically non existent?! So either my parents really stressed me out or my desire is very connected to other people.

In other news: I'm starting to struggle with my name.

I've been using a nickname I've had since second grade. I also use it in a chat game app I've been using a lot for reasons and it feels so wrong. Yes, it's just a short version of my dead name, but I thought it would be good. I'm so scared of getting a completely new name and having to explain it to my family. Why can't I just be comfortable with the nickname?

I really expected this all to be mentally less exhausting. Why do all these things come up when I'm already that far? Shouldn't this be something my brain thinks about way earlier?

[aalt-ctrl-del]

since its Pride Month I have to make the obligatory point that I didn't see a 'homosexual' rainbow until I was in highschool.

and my lore is as follows - I was a fruity lil rebel from dawn till dusk. I didn't know about asexual or homos or any of the spectrum of the flags until my early 20s. I wasn't blessed by a drag queen with the powers of queer. I didn't have a traumatic experience with some lesbian. Freudian theory doesn't have my number and we don't have long conversation in the study about desire or childhood insecurities or longing.

I'm queer and the only people that have a problem with this are the ones that have to look my way but have a bundle of insecurities they can't address internally. They are also uptight about having conversations with their children because they didn't develop past high school emotional mentality.

I don't have a problem with straight couples hauling their crouch goblins around - everyone knows you probably banged to fill your clown van with your brood. So don't have an issue with a complicated gender of ambiguity buying eggs at the store - we are capable of coexisting. Its just pastels and primary colors in a sequence trigger some people, and if that's the case you should probably reevaluate your priorities.

Pride month exists because the people who existed to make it happen, have been beaten, scorned, restricted from jobs, and had otherwise difficult and dangerous lives to make it happen. When someone gets hella angry at a straight person for existing, it's usually a personal issue or conflict.

When a person wearing a rainbow is targeted for hate and assault, its typically a surface level resentment dealing with something so shallow as their existence. And hate for colors and pastels and primaries persists to this day, driven by nothing but discomfort and the myth that "rainbows will turn my precious chosen first born main character baby into a gay".

No karen. Your kids gonna be gay regardless if rainbows and love existed. You either cope and love your child, or you turn into a praying mantis and eat your offspring due to stress. Dont be a praying mantis, be a functional adult who is now a parent. Civilization will appreciate your love, support, and guiding your kids through the struggles they face because people are going to hate them. Hate shouldn't fester in their home life too.

[seyaryminamoto]

I'm gonna join the little crowd of canon Zuko dislikers who believe he becomes a lot more likeable character in Gladiator. He's not scarcely developed like he is in canon. I can notice how he grows from his anger issues that could lead to dangerous outbursts into someone who knows how to keep calm and in control. From self-centered to considerate of others. From entitled to responsible. From having a confused moral compass that depends greatly on Iroh to a man who knows how to make his own decisions enough to even call Iroh out on his mistakes (removing Iroh from Zuko's growth journey was something that greatly benefited him since Iroh burdening Zuko with expectations and plans for his life, with Zuko simply shifting from following a parental figure to another, at least according to my reading of canon).

Most Zuko stories I read are either focused on milking extra sympathy for him or washing the flaws down the drain into awkward turtleduck, and both of these narratives are cringeworthy, with the comics doing him no favors either but doubling down on these flaws.

So his characterizations in Gladiator was a breath of fresh air. That one line when Guru Pathik told him "He damaged your willingness to open yourself to others… to let someone else look after you, out of fear of being vulnerable, I expect." was moving and even relatable.

Ah, damn, thank you very much for saying so! You know all too well that I have plenty of gripes with Zuko's canon writing, so I'm really glad that you feel this way about my portrayal of him in Gladiator... I have to say, I think a lot of my issues with canon Zuko became clearer precisely because I was writing him from scratch in this story. I struggled to understand many things about him back when I watched the show, without my full awareness initially, and I genuinely realized what those things were once I started writing him in Gladiator.

My inability to grasp Zuko properly is one of the reasons why I chose to rewrite Zuko's entire journey. Not only did it make sense to do so in this setting, but the truth is that I hoped it would help me get a better handle of his character: I'd written post-canon content already and the one character I wasn't sure I was writing correctly was Zuko. People would tell me that I shouldn't write him being so moody anymore, that he had become more mature, that he had become basically a perfectly decent person, that he would be a better brother to Azula than how I depicted him, and that I had to work on that. I'd hear all that criticism and then I'd take a look at canon Zuko... and I'd wonder if I was missing episodes or something, since there were many instances, post-redemption, where Zuko made displays of many flaws (be it his temper, be it his narrow mind, be it selfishness, you name it) that a lot of people were constantly pretending he had relinquished completely as soon as he joined the Gaang.

So... it became clear that I just couldn't write him the way they wanted me to X'D it wasn't natural for me, the character they were asking me to write didn't feel like Zuko to me at all, and I honestly didn't understand why right away. And so, as Gladiator's idea crystallized, I realized I'd have a clear shot at writing Zuko's character arc from scratch, I'd get to develop him on my terms, and I'd be the one to decide which traits and flaws he'd preserve throughout his growth process. Doing this helped in a lot of ways, of course, as in changing his journey, I started to realize just what were the elements of his canon storyline that I wasn't 100% pleased with.

Even from the start, I've had readers who felt very sorry for Gladiator's Zuko (especially because Mai married someone else when he was hoping she would have been waiting for him) since he definitely was starting out in a very bad place and a lot of people were immediately emotionally attached to him because they already were in canon. Still, I think part of why he resonated with readers in a different way than canon Zuko was that the challenges I was giving him were different from the ones canon did. For one thing, I let him go home without having captured the Avatar: he knew that he wouldn't have the "approval" of his father from the start. Instead of using Mai as a manner of compensation for him, or as his only true bond in the Fire Nation, Mai was actually another source of anguish simply because she moved on with her life, something Zuko never anticipated she would do. Iroh's sudden interest in the Gladiator League, his sister being up to her own business and becoming a hugely popular public figure while he was mostly sorting out how to live life again... Zuko had a lot on his plate for sure from the very beginning.

Instead of simply making these inconveniences go away, though, instead of featuring every character validating him at every turn and grieving along with him over how unfair his life was, Gladiator's Zuko had to learn how to live with all those things that changed while he was gone. He learned to let go of so many things he couldn't control. He started developing his own interests, connecting with new people, and he tried to figure out how he wanted to live his life, above all else. If he was never going to reclaim his role as Ozai's heir because Ozai wouldn't let him? Zuko would have to decide what to make of himself beyond the idealized future on the throne that he used to cling to... and he did just that.

At this point, back in Part 1, I realized that a lot of what I was doing with Zuko had never really happened in canon. His personal worldview wasn't defied: his father's worldview, which he had adopted, but that he apparently didn't believe all that faithfully, was what he changed his mind about, and he wound up adopting Iroh's belief system instead. It's not Zuko's own beliefs that are contested and challenged: one example of that is his belief in canon that his sister was born lucky, that she didn't work for anything, that he was the one who had to struggle and that was why he was ultimately stronger than her: at no point does the story make him look at his sister any differently. At no point does he conclude that maybe it's fine if she's a stronger fighter because his convictions are the right ones, because his bonds with people are truer, because maybe the true worth of a person isn't how skilled they are at combat. He was never confronted with any of this, never had to think on it at all, and so, the story concludes by as good as rewarding him with a fight where he's beating up his sister and proving himself superior to her. How was his belief defied? It wasn't. It was only reinforced, confirmed, reiterated, and he got away with his dream scenario in which he "put Azula in her place". As in, chains and an asylum. How much of a challenge was this, in terms of conviction, for Zuko? It wasn't one whatsoever.

Along with that belief, he also believed the throne was his birthright (... and I reiterate that I don't understand why he treated it that way, considering that he spent many years of his life believing Iroh and Lu Ten would be Fire Lord and Crown Prince respectively, far more years than he spent being banished or being Crown Prince for Ozai...), but by the end of the story, he becomes Fire Lord indeed, so what he was chasing for happened anyhow: Zuko is rewarded, yet again, by the confirmation of the beliefs he held all along. Yes, he had a hard time throughout the show, but that doesn't change that when the story wraps up, he's exactly where he always envisioned he would be. So, as much as he may have changed and grown, ultimately his two primary beliefs ("Azula needs to go down", "I will be Fire Lord"), at the very core of his character, were never put into question.

This is without going into all those times where his behavior leaves much to be desired, where he acts irresponsibly, where he even withholds vital information from his new friends for reasons that don't make sense, and he gets away with all of it without even a slap on the wrist. There's no pushback, all be it so he can have, again, exactly what he wants: a group of friends who cherish him deeply, so much that he can do completely senseless things like attack them over their inaction due to their lack of information, which he didn't bother disclosing to them because "it was obvious" (it wasn't), and nobody finds that alarming or worrisome, anything he says or does is 100% fine because it's him and everyone must love him, of course.

All this flies against some of my fundamental passions as a storyteller. I've always enjoyed doing something that is, honestly, a really simple way to build a character arc: give a character something they want, and then take them on a journey of existential crisis that will eventually make them question whether or not that's really what they want anymore x'D I've been doing it since well before I got into ATLA, and it's 100% what I've done with a LOT of characters in Gladiator. There was nothing quite as distressing for someone like Azula than falling in love with the defiant Water Tribe warrior who refuses to bow down to the Fire Nation's alleged superiority, all of which leads her to question her beliefs, her assumptions about life -- is the Fire Nation truly superior? Is Sokka right to defy it and rebel as often as he does? Her father, obviously, doesn't want her to marry anyone outside Fire Nation nobility -- is he right to want that, though? Isn't it up to her to decide what she should do in life? If she chooses to be with Sokka, does it mean she's rebelling against her father? Is that wrong or right? After over twenty years of following Ozai's ideology, does she have the courage to turn her back on him and open her heart to a different way of living?

It's particularly easy to see it in Azula, but it really has happened with basically every important character in the story (save for the more villainous ones, I guess), and Zuko is no exception. The goals he sought, the people he idealized and idolized, have changed a lot in his eyes as he grows and changes too. And by specifically choosing every element of his growth, and how they impact him, I've also pushed his development all the way to the point where, like you mentioned, he meets Guru Pathik and, upon opening his fire chakra, Zuko is basically set free. Everything he went through up until that moment has been adding up to a conclusion he hadn't quite unlocked... until he did that day. It was difficult, it wasn't intuitive for him, but it's as if he had opened his eyes to the world fully for the first time, and he could see things so much more clearly because he finally knows how to do so. And it doesn't mean that he will be at all merciful with Ozai, just as it doesn't mean that he will condemn Iroh to hell for the horrors he's responsible for... but it means that he's ready to stand on his own, and to not let other people choose his identity for him, particularly these two.

I'm honestly surprised by how his development has reached the point it has. After all these years of being well-known for being ambivalent towards Zuko even at the best of times, I've honestly felt proud of this guy for the first time ever while writing Gladiator Part 3 xD it's not exactly common for me to feel that I'm in a good spot with Zuko, but it really took me breaking him down from the get-go, rewinding him to his earliest stages, with very little to no development, and taking his growth into my own hands completely. I'm sure a few people thought I was a mindless Zuko hater after everything I put him through in Part 1, and that everything I was doing to him was some manner of vendetta because he had a better outcome in canon than Azula, and I was overcompensating for that in Gladiator... well, I hope that, if any of those people are still here now, they'll actually see what the point was xD the point honestly wasn't to punish Zuko: I just needed to develop him on my own terms, and it wasn't an easy journey, but it's one I'm genuinely pleased with. His hard-gained maturity, his reliability, his strength of heart even when facing that the world isn't quite what he thought he was... all those things have led me to feel like I can actually write, at last, the characterization of Zuko that so many people thought I should have been doing since day one. But this time, I handled it myself. This time, I know this character personally, and I know that his journey adds up to the man he has become up to the newest chapters. I'm not standing on shaky grounds, confused about what I'm doing, the way I was with his character back when I was writing canon-based content primarily.

And indeed, in doing so, I've come to understand just why Zuko's canon journey didn't hit every mark I needed it to. I'm not going to pretend that I've handled him flawlessly, but I do think that I've let him be a version of himself that doesn't need to be coddled, doesn't need a second person to perpetually stand beside him, whispering in his ear what's right or wrong, doesn't need someone else to serve as his scapegoat, so he can blame all his misfortunes on them... above all else, it's a Zuko who can think properly on who he is, who he wants to be, and reflect on whether he's failing or succeeding at that endeavor. Yes, sometimes he'll feel the pull to be selfish, sometimes he'll be harsh, sometimes he'll be unsure of what path to follow, but ultimately? He will be ready to make the tough choices. He will also be ready to step out of his comfort zone to do right by the people he wants to protect. He will be responsible... he will actually learn to be a leader, and not simply for the sake of repurposing the skill for a future potential tenure as Fire Lord. That's not his ultimate motivation in this setting.

So, all of this really ended up putting in sharp focus for me that so many of these elements of growth are actually only implicit in canon, or outright non-existent. They hinge often on interpreting Zuko in the most positive light possible, in denying his flaws and in pretending the tropes he embodies are more representative of who he is than the person he actually proved to be through his actions and behavior throughout the show. In one breath, people will claim he's incredibly complex and in the next they will sweep away all such complexities to declare him exempt from all the consequences of his actions. As much as I can understand the protectiveness that comes with having a fictional character mean a lot to you, the fact that pointing out any single mistake or misbehavior by him in canon feels like such a threat to the character his fans think he is -- hence their immediate, alarming, wild arguments to defend him --, tells you that the idea of Zuko is more important than Zuko as a fictional character. It's all about what he "represents", and very little about who he actually is. In my experience, it's not common to find fic writers who actually handle Zuko correctly, and I sure love it when they do, but just as you said it, so many people bank on milking out extra sympathy for him (as if the show hadn't done a ton of that to begin with), and very little is about exploring him as a character in a deeper, more challenging way than what canon did.

As a long-time Zuko critic, I'll never stop saying that my problem with Zuko isn't who he's supposed to be, but who he actually is. It's in the writing flaws that make his growth process far more questionable in canon than it should be, and more than anything, that the fandom has taken to defending anything he chooses to do relentlessly, almost religiously. There are so many elements of his growth that could have been handled better... and as I wrote him in Gladiator, the clearer those elements became. Naturally, I'm working with an older Zuko, but similar beats could have happened in his character arc in the show and they simply didn't.

Anyway! All this is to say... thank you very much for sharing your thoughts :) I know there's been a ton of contentious arguments about these subjects lately, and I really am glad that I can write a Zuko that makes sense to those of us who are critical of him in canon. What I feel like a lot of the Zuko defenders don't understand is that we don't want him to be perfect: we want him to be treated in the same way other characters are treated, rather than getting preferential treatment where so many others, with similar traumas to his own, aren't given the same courtesy. But in my honest, sincere opinion, I wish I could love Zuko. I really wish I could enjoy his character as much as other people do. I absolutely believe I would, if the writing around him had addressed all the elements I needed it to address in order for his journey and character arc to add up successfully. And yes, it's fine by me if people love him exactly as he is: I don't have to, though. Neither do you. And if I'm writing a Zuko the two of us can genuinely enjoy, the better for us, am I right? XD

Thanks again for this ask <3