The Private (not) Thoughts of a Moray Chapter 5: I wanna go on walks with you, I wanna have long talks with you
Gender Neutral Reader x Jade Leech
Chapter 5 preview:
The fall was much shorter than you anticipated, as you felt yourself fall against a soft body. You opened your eyes, but found that the room was dark. Or a tunnel? Hole? Whatever it was, it was a tight fit as you shifted around to get back on your feet. You dug your elbows against the soft floor to get up, which subsequently moved and grunted.
“Ow. That was my rib.” Jade's voice grunted against your ear, his hold around loosening as he also moved to stand.
“Jade? What—oh my god!” You tried to scramble off of Jade, harder said than done in the space you two had found yourselves. Shifting around, you were sure that you’d just made the situation worse, as Jade lit a light with his wand. How in the world you managed to find yourself straddling Jade’s waist in the dark was a mystery. Though, with the flush look on his face, you weren’t sure he minded.
Oh…by the Abyss itself… you’re such a pretty sight.
[wc} - 9,838
[notes] - let's gooooo! My editors still need a chance to comb through but I really wanted this out, so I will update with their feedback later so they don't have to stress! Anyway pls gimme your thoughts! I'd love to hear them!!
[tag list] - @simpingforbelphegor @myteacupisempty
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Chapter 5: I wanna go on walks with you, I wanna have long talks with you)
It had been roughly two months since the year started and you’d been housewarden. You’d like to say that it had been smooth sailing, and it mostly was. Mostly.
Epel had taken you to the Mostro Lounge of all places to get you to relax after a fight broke out between a few of the Ramshackle students over how they should decorate it for Halloween. A Diasomnia student that had managed to sneak into your roster a month ago had wanted to turn the dorm into Malleus’s usual haunted house, but Wynfred and the others wanted to do something new.
Then it turned into another argument over what that new idea would be, which caused a fight to break out between the different students. If it hadn’t been for Wynfred bluntly calling them all whiny and suggesting that they just drew written suggestions from a hat. While most of them bristled at the remark, they’d agreed to follow his lead. After Albert had so kindly offered his hat, the winning idea was a screampark with clowns.
You’d thanked Wynfred for managing to wrangle them in, as you’d been out at a housewarden meeting at the time and did NOT feel like returning to a warring dorm. The redhead has flushed and beamed at your praise, something he’d been doing for a while you’d notice. At first, you thought it was just him being happy at being recognized for his efforts.
“You know, Wynfred talks a lot ‘bout you, calls you all sorts of sweet names.” Epel had a gleeful smirk as he teased you. “Sounding like someone’s got a little secret admirer!”
Now you know why Wynfred had been so keen to seek your praise.
“Shut up Epel, you know I still have Vil on speed-dial, and I’ll tell him about you cussing out Yev, again.”
Epel wrinkled his nose and stuck his nose out at you, which you returned in kind.
“Mmmeeh! Don’t worry about it, Yev has snitched on me plenty of times. Vil tells him to get it together and wrangle me in.”
The small man sipped on his smoothie before continuing, “Vil knew how to fight at least, I respect that. Yev’s a big ol’ wuss. He’s like a peacock. Or a chihuahua.”
Both of you giggled, you particularly at the image in Epel’s head of Yev’s head on a brown shaking chihuahua. Your fit of laughter was interrupted by a familiar presence and the thoughts of a familiar twin.
Hehe, little shrimpy~
“Hi Floyd, what’s up?”
You craned your head to look up at Floyd, who was peering over the booth with a grin, his gold eye glinting at you.
“Boo!” Floyd pouted, resting his chin on the top of the booth and draping his arms over to essentially trap you between them.
“Was tryin’ to scare Shrimpy, not fair!”
You giggled at the whiny tone, though Epel looked a bit off put by Floyd, which wasn’t surprising.
It’s like Shrimpy can tell when I’m nearby, totally not fair!
“Did you need something, Floyd?” Epel was still polite even after Vil left, so you suppose some of the habits instilled in him now came second nature.
“Nah, just wanted to bother ya. Hey Shrimpy, Tony said you guys are doing scary clowns for Halloween? Never seen that, are clowns really that scary to humans?”
“Oh yeah,” You responded while Epel nodded along. “I don’t know about here, but back home it was a whole deal, we had like a whole scary movie franchise based on a scary clown that stole and ate children.”
Epel added, “Yeah, and we had a whole thing like two years ago where people were sighting killer clowns on the street! Like, just randomly in the middle of the night!”
“You guys had that too? Oh, that’s weird.”
Floyd made a disturbed face at your comments. Humans are weird. He hummed, moving to further shove his body over your booth. You wouldn’t be surprised though if his feet were still on the ground.
“Killer clowns? Just beat them up, I don’t know, humans get scared of the weirdest things.”
The twin perked up as he held up a finger to shush you as you opened your mouth to rebuke.
“Wait a sec, I got something for ya!” Floyd brought his hand up to his mouth and shrilly whistled a small tune. “Hey Aspen!”
Watching with mild curiosity, you watched as the pink-haired man froze at Floyd calling for him. Staring at Floyd with wide eyes, he briefly darted his gaze to you, and back to Floyd.
“Bring the calamari over for lil’ Shrimpy!”
Aspen made a face, scrunching up his nose as he did what he was told as he internally complained.
I can’t believe you’re making me touch this stuff, I just—I can’t with you! How can you have Jade’s sweet face, and yet be such an ass, Floyd.
Placing the plate before you, Aspen gave you and Epel a polite nod. “Here you are, please enjoy.”
“Yeah, Aspen’s reeeal fond of squid, ain’t ya?” Floyd giggled as Aspen took a deep breath, glowering at him as he turned his cheek and trotted off.
Stupid, it’s no wonder you can’t court your mate, you brute.
“I believe my shift has ended. I’ll be setting off, I’ll see you at Ramshackle, Housewarden.”
You watched from the corner of your eye as Floyd grinned wryly at Aspen’s retreating form, looking back at you and Epel to pout and mockingly sniffle.
“He’s always been so mean to poor ol’ Floydie!” He giggled again, tilting his head as you rolled your eyes. “He ignores me all the time, even when I’m trying to have fun with him! It was just a joke!”
You gave a light-hearted scoff, as did Epel who froze at Floyd squinting a golden eye at him.
“Right, a joke. Like when you ‘accidentally’ served Azul your takoyaki. Didn’t he smack you hard enough to bruise you?”
Floyd blew a raspberry, cocking his hip as he leaned further against your booth. At the angle you had to crane your head to look at him, he almost looked like his brother.
“Yeah, he was so mean for that! It’s fine, though, he kept serving me unagi for like a week after that to get back at me.”
His eyes dulling a bit, you could tell Floyd was getting bored now that his ‘fun’ had left. Though, he seemed to perk up as you popped a calamari ring into your mouth, studying your reaction as you chewed. It got a bit awkward as you made eye contact with Epel, who shrugged.
I wonder if he’s waiting for the Prefect to say something about the food. Maybe he made it and wants praise?
You swallowed and cheerily told Floyd, “Hey, this is really good! Tastes great, did you cook it, Floyd?”
Floyd held his chin in his hands, grinning again as he watched you take another ring.
Waiting until you were mid-chew, he purred out in a teasing tone, “Oh, no I didn’t make that. Jade made it. For you.”
So sappy, an’ such a basic courting gift too!
You choked on the calamari, coughing and frantically hitting your chest. Epel yelped as he nearly jumped over the table to shove your glass of water in your face, which you accepted.
“Oh? You good Shrimpy?” Floyd, unbothered as ever, grinned as he watched you chug your water. “Something got you all flustered?”
“Floyd! Don’t make jokes, they’re chokin’!” Epel scolded Floyd as you finally took a heaving breath, waving your hands to cool off your burning cheeks.
“It’s fine, just went down the wrong throat. Um,” You shakily smiled at Floyd as you replied, “Thanks for letting me know, I’ll be sure to thank him later.”
As if, I don’t need him getting the wrong idea.
“Oh good, Jade wanted to talk to ya ‘bout something anyway. Can’t remember about what.” Floyd gave you a lazy smirk. “He was gonna visit ya at your dorm, but what if I pop you in his room as a surprise? It’ll be reeeal funny!”
“Nope!” You popped your lips, blanching at the thought of Jade finding you alone in his bedroom.
“Kayyy!” Floyd shrugged, sliding his upper body against the top of the booth as he sauntered away. “I’m sure Jade will be back soon anyway. I’ll have someone come top off your waters while you wait.”
An exhausted sigh left your mouth as you rested your head against the cool table while Epel did the same, in solidarity you think.
“Ya good? I’ve heard that Jade has been hovering around you lately. You don’t like, owe him anything, do you?”
You slid your head up to meet Epel’s gaze, who was currently giving you a curious look.
Ace mentioned he’s been around you a lot lately.
“Ah, no he’s just been, ummm—” you hummed as you considered how to word your circumstances without telling him about your telepathy.
Maybe I should tell him anyway…
“If it helps, I don’t think it’s anything bad!” Epel tried to reassure you with a small smile. “You two walk together after your potions class, right?”
You blinked in surprise, raising a brow. “Yeah? How’d you know?”
“Oh, he’s in the remedial second-year flight class with some other mermen. And I see you two walking when I’m coming from astronomy, it’s on the way.”
Every day too, without fail.
Epel waited for you to take a sip of water before giving you a wry grin. “It’s cute, you guys look like a couple.”
Choking on your water, you coughed as Epel giggled at your flustered reaction. Unfazed by your glare, Epel happily continued.
“Ha! I thought Ace was joking, but you really do get all embarrassed talking about Jade. What? You got a crush on him?”
“NO!” You shouted, nearly flying out of your seat. The dining room got quiet as you did, several eyes staring at you. From the corner of your eye, you could see Floyd smirking at you. Like he knew what you were talking about.
Oh, geez. Epel was leaning back against his seat, eyeing you up and down. Dramatic much?
“I mean, uh, no.” You hastily mumbled as you settled back in your booth, wishing you could just sink into the cushions.
“Sure, yeah.” Epel scoffed, and relaxed, smirking at you again. “You know, he’s real happy during flight class, even though he can barely make it off the ground. Might have something to do with a certain someone, you think?”
You laughed and dryly responded, “I wouldn’t know.” Liar. “Besides, it’s not like I ask for him to hover over me all the time. It gets annoying sometimes”
Epel now looked at you puzzled. “Ace didn’t mention anythin’ like that. He’s not like…stalking you or anything, right?”
I’ll beat him up if he is. He might got a foot over me, but I can take him!
The sentiment was sweet, but the thought of Epel confronting Jade made you uneasy. With how intense his feelings were for you, you couldn’t imagine Jade willingly backing down just from a few harsh words or threats from Epel of all people.
“It’s nothing to worry about. Promise!” You straightened and frantically waved your hands at the doubtful look he gave you. “Jade’s been nothing but helpful! He’s probably just being nice.”
“Jade, being nice? Sure, yeah right.” He snorted, amused again. “He’s as nice as a bull seein’ red. He’s like his brother, nothing but a big and mean bully.”
You clicked your tongue, now annoyed. “That’s not fair, Jade can be nice! Like I said, he’s been nothing but helpful to me since the year started.” You weren’t sure why you were so defensive. Jade had been as much of a nuisance as he was helpful since the year started.
Though, if I couldn’t read his mind, he probably wouldn’t actually be such a nuisance to me. I guess he hasn’t actually done anything to make him annoying.
“Hmm, awfully defensive, Prefect.” Leaning in, like he was sharing a secret, Epel slyly whispered, “You sure he’s actually annoying, or are you just pretending? Cause you’ve been getting redder since we’ve started talking ‘bout him.”
You smacked your hands against your heated cheeks, scowling at the cackling Epel.
“I’ve not! Liar!”
“Ha! Look at you!” Epel teased, stealing a piece of calamari as he continued making fun of you. “Why you all red, then?”
“Oh, shut up!” You pouted, sticking your tongue out at your friend before sighing. “Look, there’s more to it, I’ll tell you about it later, just stop making fun of me!”
Epel nodded in understanding, popping one of the calamari rings in his mouth.
“I’ll hold ya to it! Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about one of the guys in my class almost eating a poisonous plant in botany!”
You spent the next half hour listening to Epel recount the stories about the guys in his botany class. You liked being around Epel, even though he wasn’t aware of your telepathy. The way he spoke out loud and in his head were different, since he still spoke to himself internally with his normal accent.
“And then, he cut the bloom off, which made the entire glasshouse fill up with this pink gas!”
It smelt so awful, I'd rather have my face shoved in a cow's hind end!
“It smelled reeaaally bad!” Epel barked a laugh as you two got up from your seats, your waiter had finally given you your receipts. “It was a whole deal, Professor Kallpa was sooo mad!”
“Oh, really?” You laughed alongside Epel as you two walked out of the dining room. “I’ve never seen him mad, it must’ve been really bad!”
As you two turned the corner of the hall leading to the door of the Mostro Lounge, Jade was just exiting his bubble, too preoccupied by the small notebook in his hand to take notice of you.
“Oh shit—Epel hide me!” You spun back around and plastered your back against the wall, freezing like a deer in headlights. Epel yelped as you snatched the back of his collar. He followed suit, crouching against the wall under your arms as he looked up at you with an amused look.
“Seriously, what—” you smacked a hand over his mouth, listening for movement or thoughts.
Hmm? Interesting, is there a little guppy hiding from me? I hope they’re aware I can smell them.
You tried to make out Jade’s footsteps as you could hear his thoughts come closer and closer. You looked at Epel mouthed out, ‘He’s coming.’ Epel blinked rapidly in confusion, shrugging as he waved his hands in front of him.
‘What do you want me to do?’ He mouthed back, standing and holding his hands up still in confusion.
Though am I mistaken, that familiar scent of lavender…is that you, my love?
You stopped breathing, shoulders hunched up as your brain rapidly ran through various escape plans before finally settling on one.
“Sorry, Epel,” you whispered, giving him a nervous smile. “I’ll make it up to you later.”
Just as Jade was turning the corner, you shoved Epel into the tall man, the force causing the two to barrel into the ground with a loud ‘thump’ and groans.
While they, and most importantly Jade, were down, you swiftly and sneakily sped past them.
Ow! You ASS!
You turned as you opened the lounge entrance, pushing your back against the forming bubble as Epel looked up at you from the ground, glaring at you as if he could form a hole into your skull.
Ugh, is that Epel? Gah, I hit my head against the wall…
Jade looked up from his place on the ground, following Epel’s gaze as the bubble lifted you from view. He looked surprised, if a bit sad to see you go, opening his mouth to call out to you.
“Pearl?”
You sighed, feeling a bit guilty as you let the bubble take you to the mirror. It was just a few minutes to get to it, but that was enough to let you stew in your own thoughts for once.
Aw, he looked kinda sad. Maybe I should’ve just sucked it up and let him say hello.
You leaned against the cool wall of the bubble, watching as a small school of fish swam by. If you’re being honest with yourself, if it wasn’t for the fact you knew about how Jade felt for you, you probably wouldn’t have such a hard time interacting with him. You’d be blissfully unaware, making your way through life without a concern in the world.
Probably. Maybe. What if he tried confessing then? Would I still be avoiding him if I didn’t know what he thought of me? Ugh, but they’re such weird thoughts! Is it too much to ask for him to be normal?
From the distance you could see another bubble form from the Mostro Lounge, no doubt Epel following. As you turned to press through the mirror into the Hall of Mirrors. You sighed again.
What am I talking about, no one at this school is normal.
Stepping aside to wait for Epel, you took your phone out to check your texts. You blanched at the sight of several missed Magicam messages, mostly from Wynfred and Silas.
winniethewitch: Hi Prefect! Just a suggestion, can we invest in pest control? I think it would be really beneficial for us all :)
sysalson: ignore my brother, there are no issues with bugs. The bugs are fine, the bugs are my friends :D
winniethewitch: Hi again, Prefect! Please ignore Silas. The bugs are very much NOT fine. The bugs are not our friends. The bugs must go.
winniethewitch: Hi Prefect, this is Wynfred, your unofficial Vice Housewarden. Please ignore my previous messages. Silas is right, the bugs are our friends and I made a haS42q vhq0[p;’M
winniethewitch: That was not me. Please as the Headmage for pest conlk10vg n 319jioqajn13pn
You read through a few more messages, each harder to decipher than the last, as Wynfred and Silas evidently fought over the phone. You noticed that the last messages were actually readable.
winniethewitch: Prefect! I have taken care of the problem, there is no need for pest control now. Evidently, please ignore the smell when returning. It turns out that Aspen can make quite the strong pest repellent, it just happens to smell very strongly of garlic.
“Oh god, are you kidding me?” You chuckled to yourself, the sound of the Octavinelle mirror shimmering catching your attention. Turning to greet Epel, you noticed a smug look on his face instead of the annoyed one you expected.
“Heyyy, you know I didn’t mean to shove you so hard, right?”
“Mm-hm.” Epel hummed, walking past you and out the building. You followed, if a bit confused.
“I just panicked, and wanted to get out of there.”
Epel replied, “Away from Jade, right?”
“Right! You heard me earlier, it’s been a little weird being around him a bunch, so I just wanted to—”
“Yeah, don’t worry, I made sure to tell him that you weren’t trying to be rude or anything.”
You stopped rambling, now silent as Epel continued to offhandedly comment.
“Yeah! He seemed real worried that you were in such a rush to get away from him. So I let him know that you were just being shy, that you’d been getting all red and flustered when talking about him earlier—”
“WHAT!” You screeched, running ahead of him to stop Epel in his tracks, by now Ramshackle was in view and there were a few students on the porch staring after you yelled.
“Yeah, he didn’t say anythin’, but I could tell he was reeeal happy to hear that. I mean, he nearly, tripped over himself trying to follow you out, but Azul came over for him.”
Scoffing, you tapped your food as you angrily placed your hands on your hips. Epel looked at you, still smug.
That’s what you get for leaving me behind. Trying to sacrifice me, hmph!
“By the way, he asked me to remind you that your potionology group is still meeting at 3 later today. He said Yev was throwing a fit over you not texting him back, and he wanted to get work done.”
“Oh shit, I forgot!” You groaned, rubbing the palms of your hands against your eyes. “Ugh, I gotta get dressed in my lab uniform.”
Epel laughed, nudging you with his shoulder to push you towards Ramshackle. He cooed in mock sympathy, “Oh, too bad, so sad, better hurry up then.”
You ran, Epel laughing as you made a panicked screech, to Ramshackle. You zoomed past the group of freshmen on the porches they greeted you, stumbling into the foyer. You notice Grim in the living room, standing on the table as he told some sort of story about fighting an overblot monster in the mines. No doubt overinflating his part in the story.
“And then it raised its pickaxe to my hench-human while the other two ran for their hides! But, as the brave and mighty Grim, I used my most powerful spell—”
“GRIM!” You slid on the hardwood floors, huffing and pointing at the gray familiar. “Was laundry done yet!? I need my lab pants!”
“Nyah! Uh.” Grim jumped as his ears pinned down, and he sheepishly mumbled, “Nooo, I forgot. But I was telling these guys about the mines and—”
“GAAAAH!”
You ran up the steps and flew into your room, slamming the door behind you as you shuffled through your clean clothes to find your oversized lab coat, goggles, and pants. You managed to find the first two, but the third was indeed still in your dirty clothes hamper.
Damn it! Ugh, where are my tights?
Crewel had often chastised you when you wore your skirts to lab classes, as it didn’t follow lab safety protocols. Vil had helped you make outfits with opaque black tights to help cover your skin for lab, though you’d stopped after the last class when you spilled a potion over your legs, causing your favorite tights to bleach an ugly white, splotchy pattern.
You learned the hard way why none of your other classmates wore their skirts to lab either. Now you had a dedicated pair of pants for all labs, also bleached but comfortable. Unfortunately, they were still buried under a pile of dirty clothes.
Groaning, you slipped off your shoes and socks as you pulled out a pair of black tights, slipping them on, along with your lab coat and goggles around your neck. You had to fold your sleeves up to prevent them from engulfing your hands, easier said than done as you tried to smoothly slip on your shoes again.
Stumbling back out of your bedroom, and tripping a bit over the stairs, you managed to make it to the main hallway before being interrupted mid-walk.
“Prefect!” Perfect, they’ve still here! You looked up at Aspen, who looked strangely happy to see you. Behind him was Wynfred, who was blushing and staring down at his feet.
“Prefect,” Aspen chirped, gesturing to Wynfred with a flourishing wave. “Wynfred has something very important to tell you—”
“Sorry! Can’t talk! Ask Grim if you have any dorm related questions!”
“But, wait!” You ignored Aspen’s calls and him cursing you out in his head, while Wynfred also called out.
“Prefect, I—”
“Can’t talk! Bye, bye, bye, bye!”
You ignored their shouts as you leaped over the Ramshackle steps and ran as fast as you could to the castle. Maybe Vargas had a point trying to recruit you to the track team, as you managed to make it to the hallway that Yev’s lab was in just five minutes shy of three o’clock. You nearly rammed into Riddle’s back as you slid across the floor.
“Oh my!” Riddle stumbled forward, his goggles falling lopsided over his head, turning as he heard the trample of your steps. He stumbled backwards as you keened over, hands on your knees as you heaved for air.
“Prefect! Mind where you’re going! You nearly trampled me over!”
“Sorry! I just didn’t want to be late.” You took a final deep breath as you smiled up to Riddle. “Just 5 minutes to spare!”
Riddle chuckled as he lent a helping hand to get you back up, pulling you along to the classroom Yev had instructed your group to meet at.
“Very good Prefect, let’s not hurt ourselves, though. I already checked in, it’s just Jade. No sign of Yev quite yet.”
“Wasn’t he the one who insisted that we meet at this specific time? I’d thought he’d been here already.”
Riddle chuckled as you two made your way into the classroom. As Riddle had said, Jade was sitting at the end of the classroom in a desk closest to the wall. He’d been studying the stones that made up the wall rather intently before notice you and Riddle enter.
“Why hello Riddle. And Prefect, we’d bumped into each other earlier and didn’t even manage to say hello.”
Gave Jade a polite wave and a sheepish smile as Riddle greeted him.
“Still no sign of Yev, Jade?”
“Oh, no. How strange, especially since he insisted on us meeting at this time.”
Jade’s eyes briefly locked on your form, eyes drawing up and down.
There you are! My darling! My pearl, you’re wearing a skirt again! I can’t believe I didn’t notice earlier! And you’re acting all shy! Your little friend was right! Cute, cute, cute!!
“Hey, Riddle, what if I jumped off a bridge? For fun?”
Riddle sharply inhaled, slowly turning his head to give you an unamused glare.
“What if I tied a leash to your neck? For fun?” He scoffed, pulling at your cheek like a mother to her child. “Honestly, you worry me at times, I may have to anyway.”
Hmm, not a bad idea Riddle…
Jade’s mind conjured up an image of you on your knees, in the maid outfit again, a leash tied to your neck leading up to his hand as he cooed over you.
You made a low-pitch whine as the two of you made your way to where Jade was waiting at the end of the classroom.
“No, I’m fine actually, no leashes here. Hate them.” You made an ‘X’ with your hands as you turned and walked backwards, puffing your cheeks. “Not something I want on my person, at all!”
Really? You heard Jade shift in his seat, standing to approach you and Riddle. Hmm.
You smiled to yourself for effectively shutting down the latest dirty thought.
At least, until Jade conjured up another image of you straddling him in bed, using his tie as a leash to pull his face to yours.
“Jade, you’ve been naughty~” You giggled, pulling on his tie, further tightening it as his own hand clasped yours. “Maybe I ought to collar you up? Tie a leash and drag you around like a pet?”
Jade gasped, pupils blown wide, as he let out an uncharacteristically high-pitched whine. A sound reserved just for you.
“Anything you want, just for you, my love.” Jade groaned as you licked a stripe up his throat to meet his lips in a messy, wet kiss.
His words muffled as he spoke against your moving lips, “I’ll be your pet. I’ll let you use me. Please—”
Grasping the ends of your shirt, tugging at them like a lifeline, Jade started muttering nonsense as he ground his hips against yours.
“Please, please, please, I’ll be so good to you! I’ll fuck you so good, I’ll make you feel good if you’ll just let me. Let me love you, please, please, please—”
A sharp pain flew up your neck to your head as you collided with the stone wall, tripping over a table leg while walking backwards. Your face was burning, as was the heat in your gut. Riddle and Jade both made noises of concern as you clenched the back of your head. You were glad that they assumed your red face was due to your embarrassment, as Jade’s last rambles were still echoing in your head.
“Oh my, Prefect! Are you alright?” Riddle's voice was full of concern, but also slight amusement as he grabbed your left arm, Jade the right, to pull you up.
“Yes, that looked like it hurt quite a bit.” Jade murmured, moving his hands to gently move your head. “Allow me to check your head.”
“No, I’m—ow!” His hand brushed on a tender spot on your crown, making you wince. ”Ooooh, that hurt!”
Ah, I’m so sorry, my pearl, but you make the cutest sounds sometimes! You heard Jade tut as he leaned down to closely inspect your head. I just wonder what kinds I could pull from you.
You cringed, leaning away from his hand and shooing both boys away. “I’m fine, guys, it’s just a bump.”
“Are you sure you’re okay? It does none of us any good if you’re hurt and can’t focus, you can go to the nurse.” Riddle replied, pushing you towards the door.
“Yes.” Jade chirped in agreement, ignoring Riddle’s side eye at his abnormally happy tone. “Allow me to take you—”
“Oh no! I don’t think so!” Yev came barreling through the classroom door, looking rather disheveled. Compared to his rather clean, prim appearance, he looked as if he’d been run through the wringer.
Oh my, I would have never seen Vil in such a state. You heard Riddle stifle a chuckle as he eyed Yev fixing his messy hair. Said man was huffing, no doubt from running.
“Ugh my hair! Look,” Yev said, eyeing you in particular, “It took forever for us to find a spare day to meet up. I won't go through the effort of rescheduling it when one of you just happened to bump your head.”
Besides, I have a potion in my lab you can take anyways.
“I really must insist that the Prefect get checked up.” Jade argued, giving Yev a polite smile. Though, his eyes were quite firm.
“And I must insist that we get started.” Yev scoffed as he pushed past the three of you pressing against the stones in the wall as he continued talking. “I have pain medicine in my lab, just…ugh. Where’s that damn button!”
Your group shared looks at Yev’s muttering, moving closer to huddle around Yev as he pressed hidden buttons along the stone wall. He pressed one, the lights flickered off and back on as he pressed it again.
Riddle yelped as the bookshelf next to him spun into the wall, turning around to reveal its other side blended into the wall. He jumped back as it spun again, nearly hitting him.
“Yev! Be careful!.” Riddle yelled, cheeks turning red. “I thought this was your secret lab, how do you not know how to get in it?”
Yev yelled back, “I know! I’m just having trouble—you know, I didn’t have to let us use my lab for our project!”
As the two started arguing, now the blackboard and teacher’s desk shaking as Yev pressed more stone buttons, Jade shuffled closer to you.
“You know…” Jade leaned down to softly speak to you. “I can still take you to the infirmary, if you’d prefer?”
You looked up at Jade, surprised at the tender look in his eyes.
I really shouldn’t be, though.
“I, uh—” You turned away shyly, reaching up to touch the still throbbing spot on your head. “Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad idea—”
“Wait! Don’t press that one, it’s the wrong—”
Your stomach dropped as the floor beneath your feet disappeared. Specifically the square panel you and Jade had been incidentally standing on, the trap door opening as you two started falling down the dark pit. A scream left your mouth, arms reaching around your midsection as you clutched onto them and shut your eyes.
The fall was much shorter than you anticipated, as you felt yourself fall against a soft body. You opened your eyes, but found that the room was dark. Or a tunnel? Hole? Whatever it was, it was a tight fit as you shifted around to get back on your feet. You dug your elbows against the soft floor to get up, which subsequently moved and grunted.
“Ow. That was my rib.” Jade's voice grunted against your ear, his hold around loosening as he also moved to stand.
“Jade? What—oh my god!” You tried to scramble off of Jade, harder said than done in the space you two had found yourselves. Shifting around, you were sure that you’d just made the situation worse, as Jade lit a light with his wand. How in the world you managed to find yourself straddling Jade’s waist in the dark was a mystery. Though, with the flush look on his face, you weren’t sure he minded.
Oh…by the Abyss itself… you’re such a pretty sight.
“You say that often, ‘my god’, what does that mean if you don’t mind me asking.” Jade pushed himself up by his free elbow, the other arm busy holding up your only source of light. “It’s an expression, yes?”
“Y-yeah, it’s like when you guys say things li-like ‘by the Seven’ or—I’m sorry. Let me try to get off you!”
You started rambling, looking around for a way to put some distance between you and Jade. However, you only saw black walls around you. Looking up, whatever panel had been above you was closed off, black stone closing you in.
“Well, there’s not much space for you to move.” Unless you want to keep moving those hips against me… “Perhaps relax, there’s hardly any space between the two of us.”
“Right! Of course, but I think I can…” Carefully, you managed to stand in the small space, trying to avoid moving against him. Harder said than done, but you managed, reaching down to lend a hand to him. “Here.”
Jade smiled, something soft and sweet, as he took your hand and awkwardly shuffled against the wall as he slid up.
Though, this is just as nice as well.
“I think I can hear them shuffling on top of us. Do you think one of them noticed us falling?”
“Ha, with the way you screamed? Without a doubt.” Jade managed to stand straight, a good chunk of space between the tops of your heads and the trap door panel.
He attempted to reach up to knock the top of the panel. Despite his height his fingerprints barely brushed it. Luckily, you could hear Riddle and Yev’s panicked footsteps stumble around.
Riddle’s voice came through the floor, muffled and frantic.
“Prefect? Jade? Prefect!? Yev what in the world was that!? Where did it send them? Prefect! Y/N!!”
“We’re here!” You called out, smacking the wall in an attempt to make more noise. “We’re fine!”
“Oh good!” You heard Yev laugh, then yelp as you heard a smack. “What?! Usually it would send them down to the lake! They got stuck in the trap hole since you pressed the button twice, usually it would’ve sent them to a nice midafternoon bath!”
You heard another smack and yelp, then some scratching against the wood.
“Prefect, we’re going to get you and Jade out! Let me just figure out how to get the panel open.”
Listening to some more footsteps, Jade leaned down to murmur, “There goes our plans then. You don’t suppose they’ll get us out of here before 3, do you?”
You snorted, stifling a laugh, failing to do so at the sound of more clamoring and arguing above you.
“Give Riddle some faith at least. He’s always been smart. And resourceful! You should’ve seen him over the summer, he got through every training simulation thrown at us.”
“Ah, I never did learn about what happened at that camp the headmage had you all attend.” Jade leaned down, studying your features.
Oh, such a wonderful smile! I wished you’d do that more often around me.
“Azul’s been tight-lipped about it as well, perhaps you’d be willing to share with me?”
You blinked up at him, shuffling a bit as he leaned down to whisper against your ear.
“You can trust me, you know.” His smooth voice drew a shiver down your spine. You think that he noticed your blushing face, based on the way he took a sharp breath.
Please, please, please! Don’t be nervous, there’s no need to be shy with me! I know you are, but you don’t need to my love!
You really wanted to wring Epel’s neck for that comment, though it was hard to focus. Especially with the lack of space between you two.
“I’m happy to lead an ear. There’s no need to be shy.”
You shuffled against the wall to place some distance between you two, squinting at his smile. You half expected him to cage you in with his long arms, though he seemed more amused at seeing you try and escape him.
Ah! Look at you being shy! So cute, cute, cute!
You wanted to roll your eyes at him, more annoyed now than anything, even with your blush.
“I’m fine, thank you. I can handle myself just fine.”
Jade chuckled, “Ah, I forget how spirited you can be.”
Before you could retort back, a bit of light from the opening panel shone through. Both you and Jade looked up to see Riddle’s gray eyes peering through the small gap he made.
“Prefect!” shouted in relief, looking at the twin. “And Jade. You’re there too.”
“Oh, Riddle. Your concern is most kind.”
Ignoring Jade’s thinly veiled sarcasm, you smiled and reached up with both hands to wave at Riddle.
“Hey! Let’s go! Can you open it more to get us out?”
“Yes, but I can’t reach you. Yev has to stand by the button that opens this panel up. He’s using a spell to hold the button so that it won’t open the panels beneath you while I pry this one open.”
Riddle briefly disappeared, the panel moving slightly more as he pushed it into its slot. The floor beneath your feet also shifted, vibrating as if it too wanted to slide away and disappear.
“Ah! Careful, the panel here is moving!”
You stumbled, Jade catching you by your waist to help steady you as he also called out.
“Riddle! I’d rather that we don’t plunge into the lake! I heard it’s quite slimy!”
“Ew what? Riddle!” You panicked, shouting for Riddle and jumping on your toes. “Get us out!”
Riddle huffed, crawling back to poke his head through the now large hole.
“I’m trying! Jade, can you lift the Prefect on your shoulders.” Riddle ignored your protest and continued to speak. “Just lift them, so I can pull them up, then the two of us can try to reach for you.”
You blinked in confusion, processing Riddle words before paling.
“Wait, what—AH!” You felt Jade’s hands grab your knees, looking down to see the back of Jade’s head settle between your thighs as he lifted you on his shoulders. A small shriek slipped your slips as you grasped at Jade’s hair, pulling hard enough to make him wince, so that you could steady yourself.
Oh, fuck. Their hands, their thighs, it’s better than anything I could imagine…
You panicked at another one of Jade’s daydreams. This one of Jade between your legs, thighs squeezing the sides of his head and hands pulling the teal strands in his head as you arched your back and cried out his name. You tightened your thighs instinctually, regretting it as you felt Jade’s breath shudder. You felt it, even with the tights blocking your bare skin.
“RIDDLE! GET ME OUT!! NOW!” You launched your hands and body up, making Jade stumble forward as you tried reaching for the ledge that was still out of your grasp.
“I’m going! Do not yell at me like you’re me!” Riddle’s hands were now within your reach, the tips of your fingers brushing against each other. “Jade, push them up higher or something. I can’t reach!”
You felt Jade move his hands to cradle beneath your thighs, lifting you as you nearly made it to freedom’s grasp.
“Riddle, have you managed to get—Aye, hijo de puta!”
You felt yourself dropping again, Riddle’s hands now quickly fading away while Jade’s grasp tightened against your legs.
You heard your scream echo against the stone walls as you two fell through the tunnel. At some point, Jade had let go of you to grab at your waist again, tucking you against his chest as he curled around you and braced.
It certainly helped, as he took the brunt of the fall against the cold waters of the lake underneath the school castle.
Chill seeped through your bones, hair and lab coat billowing around you as you finally opened your eyes to see nothing but dark, green murky water. Below you was more darkness, the tops of a seaweed forest underneath your feet. You think you could make out a few fish, even one of those giant catfish Vargas made his camp attendees fish for.
However, you missed the large, silver large-toothed fish darting between the seaweed, only noticing it as it was charging at you. Bubbles flew out of your mouth as you screamed, shutting your mouth again, and attempting to swim quickly to the surface. Luckily for you, you made it rather quick as a familiar webbed, green hand snatched your hand as Jade bolted to the surface.
Breaking the water, you gasped for a deep breath, brushing your bangs from your face and blinking away water from your eyelashes. You frantically whipped your head around, searching for Jade, as you called out his name in a panic.
“Jade? Jade! Where are you? Jade!” You yelped as he breached the water, brushing his hair back. He had a scrape on his arm that he was studying with mild irritation.
“What an annoying creature—oh!” Jade grunted in surprise as you threw your hands over him, clutching at his shoulders.
“Jade! Are you hurt? What was that? Is it gonna get us?! Oh my god, JADE IT’S GONNA GET US, WE GOTTA GO!” You babbled on and on, hyper focused on looking at the water below you for signs of the aggressive fish. Which proved meaningless, as you couldn’t see anything besides the dark green water.
You paused at Jade’s sudden laughter, growing louder as his chest shook, and his eyes squinted in mirth. Looking at him with furrowed brows, you tilted your head as he reached over to cup your cheeks. He squeezed them together, making you pucker your lips as his laughter died down.
He’s…laughing! Like, fully laughing! I’ve…ever seen him laugh! Woah!
“My dear, relax!” Jade managed to stifle his laughter, now softly chuckling. Something more characteristic of him.
He has a nice laugh, actually. Not like Floyd’s, it’s just more… Jade. I guess…it suits him!
“I can assure you, I am just about the scariest thing in this lake at this moment. Nothing is going to come for us as long as I remain in my merform. But your concern for me is delightful.”
So sweet.
Jade looked at you fondly, eyes darting down to your lips, making your breath catch in your chest.
Is he gonna…?
“We should head to the shore and start heading back up. I imagine Riddle is quite worried about you.”
Jade suddenly let go of your cheeks, instead moving to swim on his stomach, gesturing for you to grab his back.
“Here, allow me to help you to shore.”
You nodded, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you carefully maneuvered around his dorsal fin. You were reminded of the time you got trapped in the Scarabia desert and had to swim through the river Kalim made. Though this time you had a different twin to be your ride.
“Heh, kinda familiar, huh? Though you had Grim and Azul with you back then, right?”
Jade started wading through the water, one of his own hands reaching up to hold yours on his chest.
“Yes, you were with Floyd last time. That was quite the time, wasn’t it? You found yourself in trouble more often than the average person.”
“It’s not like I mean to! It just sorta happens!” You pouted, debating on pinching Jade, as he chuckled at your offended response.
You decided to look up at the shore Jade swam to, noticing two figures walking along the coliseum pathway.
“Hey, I think that’s them! Hey! Riddle! Yev!” You called out to the two figures, drawing their attention. You waved a free hand, squealing as Jade sped up, making you fall against his back and clasp onto him again.
“Jade! Careful!”
“Now, now, my pearl.” This was the first time he’d ever refer to you as ‘pearl’ outside his thoughts. Though, he was more focused on your arms around him rather than the words coming out of his mouth.
“Have faith. I would never let you get hurt under my care.”
Jade sped back up, and despite yourself, you let out small screams of glee as adrenaline ran through your veins as you rode on Jade like a rollercoaster at a water park.
It took but a minute to make it to the shore, much sooner than the pair of students who were still making their way over. You crawled off Jade and up the sandy shore, grabbing your hair and wringing the water out. You hear the shimmering sound you’d associated with the twins and Azul’s transformation, turning to see Jade dusting himself off, perfectly dry in his lab uniform.
“…Are you kidding?”
Jade looked up, looking at you with confusion.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You’re dry! You literally were just a merman, in the water, and now you’re just dry!?”
Jade looked taken aback, before laughing at your angry face.
Oh, my! How cute! You’re almost never angry, what a delightful view!
“My apologies for not being courteous enough to suffer alongside you.” Jade walked over to you as you started working getting the water out of your goggles. He was still chuckling at you.
“It’s a perk of our transformation potions. Quite convenient, yes. Oh, but you poor thing. All soaked.”
Jade stopped, a blush filling his cheeks as he stared at your torso. He turned away, clearing his throat.
“I do believe that the water soaked through…ah…your shirt.”
A gasp left your mouth, looking down to quickly snatch your lab coat closed and button it up. It didn’t really matter, though, as Jade’s mind was filled with the image of your wet, seek through shirt and the view of your chest.
Today…has…been so, so wonderful~
You sighed, looking over to the students walking over.
“I’ll ask Riddle to help dry me off with a spell or something. Though…that’s not him.”
You squinted at the pair, now within a reasonable view, realizing it was Aspen and Wynfred.
Did you? Did they follow me here?!
“Prefect, there you are—why are you wet?” Aspen stopped, looking your sopping form up and down with a raised brow. “And Jade too—ugh, never mind.”
“Wynfred here has something he’d like to tell you, but you left before he could. It’s something incredibly important! Go on Wynfred, tell them!”
Aspen turned around and pushed Wynfred, who was digging his feet into the ground, towards you and Jade as you wring water out of your clothes. A small trench was forming as Aspen continued to push the frozen ginger closer to you, who was currently clenching his fists to his sides. Staring at you wide-eyed, Wynfred’s eyes darted between you and Aspen, who was smiling and gesturing to you.
“Go on…” Do it, you idiot!
“Uh, is everything alright? Wynfred, are you okay? Did something happen? Did you get hurt or—”
“PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!” With a sudden burst of confidence, Wynfred ran forward to grasp your hands with his. “I think you’re a wonderful housewarden! And I am equally great, so we’d make a great pair!!”
His sparkling eyes would be cute, if it wasn’t for how tightly he clenched your hands. And Aspen, of course.
Yes! Go out with him, so I can get you off of Jade’s back! Come on! Say something! Do you know how hard it was to convince him to ask you out?! Say something!
Wynfred’s very sudden confession, which you're doubting was a real confession and not just a misguided push from Aspen, shut you and the surrounding area up. The silence was deafening. Even the birds and the breeze stopped, as if mocking your predicament. Minus the scandalous gasp from your left, no one spoke.
Wait, who the hell gasped?
You turned to look at Riddle and Yev, who had run down the castle to meet you and Jade. Though, Riddle looked like he just swallowed a lemon, while Yev was clutching a hand to his chest as he looked at your group with an open mouth.
“Oh my—WYNFRED SALSON!” Yev marched over with a furious look, snatching Wynfred by the ear to scold him. “What in the world makes you think you can just go up to a housewarden and demand a date from them! That is not how a proper Pomefiore student acts!”
You backed away as Yev continued scolding Wynfred, pitying him. Riddle walked over to you and leaned down to inspect your face and arms, prodding at you and checking for any wounds.
“Well, that is certainly awkward. Are you alright? You didn’t get hurt, did you?”
“Ah, no.” You shook your head, smiling as you turned to look at Jade. “Jade actually…”
You froze, as did Riddle, upon noticing Jade’s expression. Or, more accurately, the lack thereof. Instead of his usual smile, or even the sweet ones he’d been giving you earlier, Jade’s face was a blank slate, eyes focused solely on Wynfred’s form.
I will drag you into the deepest depths known to man until the pressure pops your eyes out of your sockets, your heart bursts, and your lungs fill with the bitter cold of the sea. I will watch your body turn into bloody, liquified mush you stupid, arrogant, waste of space! Stay away from my mate! Mine! Mine! Mine! MINE!
Jade's expression quickly changed back to his usual smile, though he was still emanating an aura that could be best described as “bloodthirsty”. Murderous even! Sanguinary, if you wanted to be poetic. Riddle at least had noticed it, as he leaned close to whisper.
“Did something happen with Jade? I figured he would be annoyed that he fell into the lake, but he seems…rather….”
“Homicidal?”
“I was going to be nice and say ‘furious,’ but yes. Homicidal fits quite well.”
“Ugh!” Wynfred started shoving against Yev, who was still rambling angrily at Wynfred for his ‘lack of etiquette’ apparently.
“Look, Prefect! I would quite like to go out with you on a date! I think you’re very nice to everyone in the dorm, and I am also nice!”
You think Wynfred chose to ignore Aspen’s snort, green eyes darting to him and back to you.
“Besides, I’ve been told that we’d make a great match! Just ask Aspen! He’s the one who suggested that I—MmmPh!”
Aspen ran over to slap his hand over Wynfred’s mouth, laughing nervously as he glanced at Jade. Said man was now squinting at Aspen with annoyance and distaste.
Really, Aspen? I expected better from you, little squid.
“I was just, uh, supporting my fellow roommate!” The pink haired boy continued to nervously laugh. “You know how it is! I’m just being benevolent, l-like the Sea Witch!”
Jade let out a small chuckle, tilting his head. “Is that so?”
“Yes!” Wynfred managed to shove Aspen’s hands away, reaching for yours again, though his smile faltered as you stumbled back. “Sorry! I don’t mean to be so forward. But I know how busy you’ll be getting as Halloween comes up, and I wanted to ask you on a date during the celebration so that—”
“Oh no. I’m afraid that simply won’t work.” Jade finally stepped forward, wrapping a hand around your shoulders and bringing you close.
Riddle made a noise, and from the corner of your eye you could see him give Jade a disapproving glare.
“W-what? Why!” Wynfred thinned his lips, glaring at Jade and his hold around you.
I’d make for a great date! My siblings say so! Aspen says so too!
Jade titled his head, giving Wynfred a mock sympathetic look.
“Well, the Prefect will simply be too busy with helping me with selling products for Octavinelle during Halloween. After all, Ramshackle’s haunted amusement park makes for the perfect environment to sell food and drinks, especially at the prices Azul places.”
I’m sure I can convince him to do so easily enough.
“What?” Aspen scoffed, blinking at Jade incredulously. “Azul never mentioned that!”
“Oh, we were still figuring out the details. Our lovely Prefect here was going to help us.” Jade cooed as he leaned down to rest his cheek against the top of your head.
Mine.
“But we can discuss more once Azul has the finer details figured out. Now, if you two don’t mind, we all need to be heading back to Yev’s lab and get started on our project. We’ve lost valuable time with this trap door fiasco, haven’t we?”
“Right…” You slowly answered, looking at Riddle who nodded, still eyeing Jade. Yev perked up, wiping imaginary dust off his lab uniform as he too agreed.
“Right, you are Jade. I’m not done with you, Wynfred. I will be speaking to you about your manners later this week.”
Yev sneered at Wynfred, who scoffed in return, as he turned his heel and waved for your group to follow. Jade did so, giving Wynfred another blank stare before turning to you and smiling.
“Shall we?” Let’s go, my pearl.
“Uh, give me a sec. Riddle, can you help me with a drying spell?”
“Oh, of course. Excuse me.” Riddle walked around Jade as he took out his wand, shooing Jade and the two freshmen still lingering. “Go, we will meet you there. And you two.”
Both of the younger students froze under Riddle’s gaze. The redhead’s reputation and strict gaze followed him everywhere it seemed.
“You’ve made the day excitable enough, off you go. Perhaps think about learning more tact, especially around your upperclassmen. Go”
The stern end of his sentence spooked the two to run off to Ramshackle, you presume. Riddle cleared his throat, drawing your attention as the tip of his wand glowed a soft red.
“Do you want to tell me what’s going on with you and Jade?” Riddle asked, showing you the pattern he waved his wand in for you to copy and use on your legs. Your friend focused on your arms and back.
“Nothing! I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You quickly replied, focusing on keeping the spell up.
“Oh? So he wasn’t all over you when that fresh tried asking you out? He didn’t shut him down and stare him down like he wanted to tear him apart with his teeth? Y/N, please. Don’t take me for a fool.”
“I’m not! It’s not what you think.”
“And what do you think I think?” That I’m a dullard?
“I don’t think you’re a dullard, or whatever, it’s just complicated!”
Riddle huffed, giving you a once over as he hooked his arm with yours and dragged you up to the castle steps.
“I didn’t say that part out loud, you know.”
…Huh?
“What are you talking about?”
Riddle scoffed, reaching over to adjust your tie. Something he’d often do for you.
“I noticed pretty early on. It’s quite easy to tell when someone is reading your mind when they react to each and everything you say and think.”
“What! How do you—”
“That, and also Ace is known for his loud mouth.”
You tossed your head back, groaning as you pinched the bridge of your nose.
“That dumbass.”
A small laugh left Riddle’s lips, smiling as you glared at him. “Don’t worry. I gave him a stern talking to. If it helps, he was only discussing it with Deuce, who I assume you also told?”
Nodding in affirming, Riddle continued, “I guessed. It certainly explains your strange behavior at times. Though I do have one question.”
“Shoot.”
“How long have you known about Jade’s feelings for you?”
“WHAT—oof!” You tripped over the castle steps, just barely catching yourself with Riddle grabbing your arm. “What are we talking about?”
“Floyd cornered me a few weeks ago. Both of our clubs got off at the same time, and he chased me around until he cornered me in one of the stables. He was complaining about how Jade got to be around his ‘mate’ all the time for class, but he barely saw his own.”
Annoying eel he is. Why would I care about his damn love life?
Riddle rolled his eyes at the mention of Floyd, though he continued.
“It didn’t click until earlier, when I saw how…hmm…handsy he was with you.”
You sighed, “It’s that noticeable?”
“Only sometimes.” Riddle shrugged, patting your shoulder consolingly. “Especially when that poor freshman tried asking you out. Speaking of that, what are you going to tell him?”
You blinked at Riddle, confused. “What do you mean?”
Oh dear, catch up, Prefect.
Riddle sighed, “Well, it’s not always appropriate for a housewarden to date one of their students. You’ll turn him down, yes? Besides, with how your admirer was looking at him, it would most likely be better for Wynfred’s well-being anyway.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re right…”
You let out a tired sigh. Most likely, you’d have to take an extra long bath tonight to get the stress out of your bones.
“I’ll let him down gently later. Apparently, I have to talk to Azul about being a food vendor for the dorm’s haunted house.”
When you finally made it back to the classroom, a panel in the wall revealed a staircase, which Yev and Jade were waiting by. Jade’s eyes lit up at the sight of you, though he physically remained poised and proper.
Welcome back, my darling! I hope that nasty little barnacle didn’t ruin your mood!
You chose to ignore Jade and called out to Yev, “So you said you had an idea for our final project. What kind of potion were you thinking?”
Yev perked up, proudly puffing his chest. “Oh yes, you two should love this! We will be making a blot preventative! I bet you two wished you had that last year, hm? I know, I’m brilliant!”
Both you and Riddle stared blankly at Yev, who was still standing proud, as Jade eyed him disapprovingly.
“Hey, Riddle, what if I jumped out the window? For fun?”
“I’d still put a leash on you.”
“Damn.”
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