#plus the fact it's ALFRED and a CAT and he's refused to have a cat around the Manor previously when another kid asked (temporarily!)'

[zahri-melitor]

Yeah no I'm still not cool with the pet situation. A character's pet is for the animal's life, not for [one emotional scene].

Titus makes sense. There have been several generations of Ace the Bat-Hound over the decades. There was at least one when Dick was Robin. There's another when Tim is a young Robin, back in Knightfall era (he hid out in the tunnels with Harold while JPV was Azbats!)

Bruce, trying to win Damian's affection and teach him how to connect and bond with others, to give him a responsibility and someone who will love him unconditionally, getting Damian a dog? Makes 100% sense. He clearly thinks kids should have a dog, they're set up to have a dog, they're familiar with having a dog, particularly large working breeds that protect the property.

And Tomasi & Gleason use Titus several times, in several different comics in the run, for emotional beats.

Alfred the Cat exists entirely for the emotional beat of Alfred giving Damian a cat that swipes at him, then Damian in the next comic 'winning' the cat's affection while feeding him and playing with him, showing as a character the cat (and by parallel Damian) has changed in his time at the Manor. I get the comparison. It's cute, but I don't see the point in doing this immediately before killing Damian, particularly when Titus, who was established earlier, is right there in the scene and doing...nothing.

A similar moment of Damian appearing like a child playing with his puppy and looking innocent could have occurred, and it would feel less like Damian's affection is hoarding and transitive - he can only care about his latest animal, the earlier ones are present but forgotten in the glee for more and newer pets.

Batcow is completely superfluous beyond being a visual joke. Nothing about her holds up in any way.

"Sure, you can keep the cow," says Bruce through his gritted teeth, because he wants his son to like him and not run back to Talia. Despite that being a plot point well established as not likely to happen, as we've been over it before during Reborn and Damian rejected Talia and the League of Assassins, and we're at the start of a story where Damian's going to choose to go to his mother to save Gotham while the rest of the family are desperately trying to protect him from having to face her, because they're worried she'll kill him/end the world.

"Sure, we can have a cow living in the Cave. It's not like we know any farmers with superstrength and flight who could take a meat-raised cow off our hands and care for it in better circumstances, who you could still visit occasionally."

[ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole]

Stories of Paris

Part 4

Part One Part Three AO3

Masterlist

................................................................

Damian was unhappy with the fact that with ‘strangers’ in *his* house their nightly activities would have to carefully navigated. His father nor Pennyworth had not explicitly said anything about it, but he assumed it was because they all knew what was expected. So, being told to line up in the entrance hall by his father went down like a lead balloon.

His pout turned in widening eyes of shock as he witnessed the tall wiry young woman (and a large man he supposed) exiting the car. SHE was his father’s babysitter. This was who oversaw the European branch of W.E. The person who owned the largest portion of shares of W.E (after the Wayne family that is). He was doomed. Damain watched as his father soften as he saw the woman.

“Mari! You never seem to age!” he exclaimed as she gracefully walked up to him and into his embrace.

“Mon cherie! It’s miraculous isn’t it,” she drew back slightly to look over his shoulder, “I see you have taken found family comment to the extreme, but I suppose you were never one to do things in half measures. It’s good to be back here after so long”

Looking at her like he was a child with pleading eyes, “You are staying here, right?”

With a gentle smile with a smirking edge, “Yes. If I tried to leave for a hotel, I’ll end up having the shadows watching me all night. Plus, this place always did feel like my home away from home.”

Damian glancing at his supposed siblings to see that they were also in shock. Probably not for the same reason. Panicking with it all, as he saw his father turn to introduce them to the woman, Damian drew his katana and aimed it at her.

“YOU were fathers' babysitter!!! But... what... you’re younger than him!!!! .... You’re the Grand Lady Guardian... I *refuse* to return.”

Damian vaguely recognised his name being shouted at him, but all his attention was on the Grand Lady Guardian of the Miraculous who stood, rolling her eyes, before him. He could feel her power radiating off, surrounding them all.

“Petit Tresor. I’m not taking you back there. Did you not learn anything from my teachings? Did you not learn to read between the lines? About looking deeper than the surface. You are with *your* found family. THEY are what is important. Bruce may have picked up a lot of my unhealthy habits about vigilantism, but he made a point of understand a good support network and the importance of chosen family. Despite how he enacts the teachings.”

The Monkey with her came to her shoulder and raised his eyebrow at Damian. He finally understood why he was always her bodyguard now rather than the Cat, being that he was her husband.

“You can stand down Petit Tresor. League and Court business will *not* be found here. The League know what will happen if they cross the Court, and I made it very clear after our last encounter when they tried to manipulate us to their advantage.”

Damian assessed the woman before him as he withdrew his katana from her and starting to become aware of the others around him again.

“Why has he got a chaos shard within him Bruce?” The monkey growled looking at him with a dangerous glint in his eye.

Everyone in the entrance hall was frozen in shock and panic. What was meant to be a happy reunion had been derailed but now, suddenly, somehow gained an even sharper edge. Marinette and her husband were aware of their nightly capers, and they also knew of the League, they were involved in something similar and aware of chaos shards.

Damian watched as his father gulped as he looked at the Monkey and the Guardian. It wasn’t often his father showed fear, but it was clear on his face as she arched her eyebrow at him. His siblings all looked on in surprise and uncertain of what to expect. Only Pennyworth and Todd seemed to be handling the situation with any sense of calmness. Surprising for Todd...

“Mari... his mother... the league...”

At the mention of the league the Guardians eye twitch so subtly you’d hardly notice it if not trained and with a minute flicker of her hand, the Monkey flipped his phone out and was walking out back outside to call someone... Damian straining his ears heard Peg and plan 42c being mentioned by the Monkey to whoever he had called.

“They were warned. Tsk, Assassin’s bullheadedness. Kim will sort this out for me for the present moment and we will discuss healing at a later point. Anyway, mon cherie, you were about to introduce me to your children. Petit Tresor I know, and I believe that that is Jason, mon rêveur, in the background though he has grown so much since our last meeting. So, I could guess everyone else, but why don’t you continue?”

The Guardian stated as if the topic of what just happened was over, much to Damian’s surprise. He sheafed his katana but still was wary of the woman and slightly in awe. He had a feeling that the chaos and downfall of his grandfather may have due to her in some way. Slight fear and dread for his mother was building as well. He finally starting to understand the reason for her over protectiveness when she taught him in the league now.

“Right. Mari, this is Dick, Jason who you already met in person? Cass and alongside her Duke, Tim who you meet briefly in the W.E. meeting the other month, Steph who has wormed her way into the family and Damian you who’ve also already met?”

With a polite cough drawing attention to himself, Alfred spoke. “Perhaps, instead of having a mother’s meeting in the entrance hall, we retreat to the drawing room where we can have some refreshments. I am sure that Ms Marinette and Master Kim are exhausted from their travels. It is most unbecoming to stand around loitering, wouldn’t you agree Master Bruce?”

Bruce muttered something as his ears started to tinge red, Marinette turned to Alfred and smiled as she drew him into a hug while Bruce collected himself.

“Yes, right, that sounds like a fantastic idea Alfred. Mari, shall we?”

Bruce offered her an arm which she elegantly took as the took off in the direction of the drawing room delving into conversation with Bruce leaving behind a shocked collection on children in the hall. Alfred slipped off to prepare the refreshments.

Damian cringed as Dick exclaimed, “YOU GUYS KNOW HER?!?!?!!” which echoed around the manor as he finally processed what had just happened.

______________________________________________

Alfred smiled as the atmosphere within the Manor shifted over the last few weeks. It now had a different air about it. Master Bruce became less sullen and slightly less repressed under Marinette’s watch and the Manor started to feel lighter again.

Alfred had found great amusement when he stumbled in on Master Kim lecturing Master Bruce on being dense especially the “I know I’m dense but kwami Bruce! You’re worse than me realising all the competitions I got Mare rigged into was because I wanted to impress her! Let’s start at the beginning, ok?!”.

He hoped that Master Kim might be able to knock a bit of sense into his wayward charge. He knew Ms Marinette, though full of good intentions wouldn’t be able to with Master Bruce’s strange ability to pick up on the wrong message being given.

The highlight of the week was when he entered the family living room to find all his grandchildren looking pale as Master Bruce acted semi child-like in front of Ms Marinette. It was a delight to see Bruce act like the child that he knew he was reawakened again. Even if it terrified the grandchildren.

The whole family discovered that Bruce had been very selective of the stories and information that he had told them about Marinette. She had taken great delight telling them all about what teenage Bruce really was like.

About the time Bruce had a fan induced panic attack on meeting the Jagged Stone. Alfred was slightly aware of something happened but not the details.

About the time Bruce decided to practice parkour in the Manor gardens and ended up stuck halfway up the side of the Manor unable to climb up further or climb down. Alfed was positive he was unaware that Marinette joined him and had to coach Bruce down.

About the series of times that Bruce attempted to prove to Alfred that he had ‘outgrown the kitchen ban’ and had ‘observed Mari’s baking skills sufficiently’ to be able to try again for only the attempts to go south fast. Alfred grimaced at the memories that that bought up. He was glad that he’d got a good working deal with local kitchen fitters and suppliers given the number of fires.

It became a daily breakfast occurrence that Bruce mortified Marinette in his outfit for the day. The breakfast entertainment became watching Marinette tear into his fashion choice of the day, drag up some past clothing or costume disaster. She ended up moaning that he had learnt nothing from her rantings about clothes over the years and stare forlornly into her coffee cup. It was providing the bat boys a wealth of black mail material that Alfred had to on numerous occasions reel Marinette from her tangents.

The only time he let her completely go to town with was letting her regale to everyone about Bruce’s dramatic and insistent argument on fighting crime in Lyca, wearing pants on top of tights and with a cape, that he really insisted that he didn’t need to use Kevlar (that decision didn’t last beyond a few training sessions and one patrol night). Alfred was pleased with her ability to rein that disaster in quickly.

It was in the comfort of the kitchen away from the antics that happened Alfred mused and reflected on his notional niece's visit. Alfred wished he had thought to bring Marinette over sooner as he witnessed that fraught relationships between the Waynes soften. Issues didn’t disappear but Marinettes presence, and ability due to dealing with Akuma, helped mitigate situations which typically would have blown up. Kim always by her side would help soothe, distract, or explain to the puzzled Bruce the techniques Marinette was using to stop the escalation.

She’d slowly began charming and connecting with his grandchildren. Be it by giving Tim pointers on how to manage W.E board members effectively and playing video games. It was eerily like how she warmed Bruce up to her.

By Sitting quietly reading with Jason or playing chess and talking in metaphors about life, death and balance. Slowly having ‘healing sessions to calm the pit madness’ with meditation and grounding sessions.

With Damian she seemed to remind him of alternate grounding techniques which she’d shown him in the league. They seemed to spend time talking in hushed whispers about other stuff that Alfred wasn’t currently privy too.

Duke was with poetry and music. Cass with dance and gymnastics, silent subtle conversations occurred but seeing Cass smile and edge towards being more tactile made Alfred glow with warmth inside. Steph and Marinette commanded the kitchen numerous times baking pastries, waffles and other treats.

Dick took the longest to warm up to the woman, having heard and known about her for over a deacade but never met it was understandable. Alfred wpould never knew what Marinette had done but one day the hostility and coldness disappeared. A joy, childlike smile appeared on Dicks face every time she was in the room, and he’d follow her round like a loat puppy. Watching and mimicking her techniques to calm his brothers down.

How his grandchildren acted with Marinette in the activities brought echoes of memories of her with Bruce to the forefront of Alfred’s mind.

Sighing, in the short time the Manor felt warm and like a family, a home should feel like. Much like before his friends’ death. Schooling his emotions, Alfred set about to serve the family and Parisians last dinner together.

______________________________________________

Bruce tried not to sulk. Tried not to revert to the mind set of when Marinette originally disappeared physically from his life. Especially in front of his children but it was hard. She somehow always managed to take the overwhelming pressure away from him, like he could breathe and be.

Alfred was his father, in all the ways that counted, but the burden of death and saving the world was something Marinette understood at a deeper more personal level. Having her here made it feel safe to feel, that he would always be caught. That she would save him from the consuming darkness. She was the light in the world shining out in the Gotham gloom.

As expected, his children adored her in their unique ways. Following her around like little ducks scrabbling for crumbs of knowledge and titbits of information. Bruce lips twitched as he witnessed them behaving much like he used to. Taking the gems’ she passed on to them and ferreting them away much like he did.

“Master Bruce, I expect better behaviour this leaving gathering than our previous party, please.”

With Alfred’s comments Bruce gave into the feeling of pouting. Why deny how he felt toward the situation where he wasn’t in control. He pointedly ignored the stares that his children were giving him. Again.

“Mon tresor! It’s not like you aren’t going to see or speak to me again. We speak regularly as it is. It’s not the same as it was last time. You know this.”

“But Mari, it's nice having you here. This is your home.”

“Is he always like this Mare, Cupcake? How is it that all the kid’s you’ve looked after end up demanding you live with them?”

Bruce choked at Kim’s statement and the Wayne clan burst into laughter. Alfred let a small smirk grace his face.

“Oui, Mon Amour, He wasn’t happy last time I left at all. Be grateful I learnt to resist kitten eyes or we’d never have reconnected. Manon doesn’t count. She’s practically family as well with how close Maman and Nadja are.”

“What about Elle, Etta and Chris? What about Ivan’s and Mylene’s sproglian? Fang? Jagged’s second round of terrors? Luka and Jules too really.”

“Hush, Mon Amour, circumstantial evidence.”

Bruce observed Kim stare at his wife in disbelief before waving his hand around the room.

“What about these then. Don’t give me that look Cupcake. I’m gonna end up needing to fight the whole batclan at this rate to get you on a plane with me! Maybe I should give Peg’s the heads up that I’ll need his help.”

“I can assure you Master Kim that you *both* are free to leave. The young master's understand that they cannot kidnap you. It would not be becoming of them OR look good for the company for the family to kidnap its own workers.”

Bruce and his family guiltily ducked their heads at Alfred’s comments. When Alfred turned away to start talking to Kim, Tim leant in close to Bruce to whisper to him.

“Do you think we have the power to move her to being director of North America rather than Europe? Mari would be closer then? Plus, the guy in charge isn’t all he’s cracked up to be so the board would likely approve it.”

Bruce stared at his son at the ingenious and simple solution and smiled, before ducking his head when Alfred pointedly looked his way.

“We’ll discuss that concept later.”

Bruce gave Tim a subtle nod as if he was approving the idea. Technically he was but Alfred didn’t need to know that. Nor did Kim really, as he would fight him if he found out and he’d rather not deal with an ex-olympian superhero, even when he pulled his punches they hurt far more than the average persons.

Bruce sat back into his seat and smiled as the conversation and chaos flowed around him. His whole family finally together and he cherished it. He knew it wasn’t going to last much longer with the impending flight looming but for now he had a potential and creative plan to work on. If he framed it right it could also become the prefect family bonding activity that both Marinette and Kim thought he needed to do more of outside of vigilantism. And if the end result was that she moved closer, well, that’s just an added bonus in his eyes.

With that in mind, Bruce joined in with the choas enjoying the moment with his complete family. Nothing could take this away from him.

Tag:

@neakco @corporeal-terrestrial @jayjayspixiepop @lady-bee-fechin @prettylittlebutterflie

[hanabihanabi]

Blue and Grey (MyRobin!Au)

Summary: Tim has just gotten home from school, and he wanted nothing more than a moment of relaxation to himself- maybe even crack some cases once he reaches his room.

Those plans were thwarted the moment Dick spots him in the hallway.

Warnings: Tiny angst, implied/mentioned character's death, Desc. of Spit (? Honestly it's small; it's mostly Tim's panicking over raspberries)

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: Woohoo, first time posting a fic! It's a small drabble (Well.. I consider it small since it's not a lot of plot) For those wondering- No, this isn't exactly the official prologue or chapter to the MyRobin!Au, but I thought this drabble might give a gist of what it's like. If people are interested enough, then maybe I'll post more :D or maybe not cause my writing is bad haha-

Drabble inspired by this post. (I want to note how much I appreciate the love on that post <3 Thank you!) Title inspired from 'Blue and Grey' by BTS.

___

Damian has been insufferable for the past few days.

.. Well, more than he usually is.

He’s been refusing to do anything, no matter how nice they’ve asked him. He’s barely tolerable during meals and he would get into fits whenever he was denied something, retaliating in a way that even Bruce wasn’t sure what to do with him.

Tim could tell that everybody was on their wits end with his behavior. That plus the stress of their nightlife- He was surprised that there weren't any fights breaking amongst themselves.

When Tim entered the fold, he was used to the quiet tensions and animosity between Bruce and Dick. In the beginning, they would snap at each other constantly, sometimes evolving to screaming matches. It happened a lot while Tim was in the middle of solving a case, trying to drown out their shouts before he would find himself being guided away by Alfred’s hand.

(It wasn’t lost on anyone, especially him, that lots of it has to do with his predecessor. Tim almost never asks about Jason, no matter how badly he wanted to.)

Now, things are.. different. The tensions are still there, but their focus has shifted to the sudden arrival of an eight-year-old named Damian. A boy that is actually Bruce’s son by blood, and even that fact couldn’t compare to the shock when learning the other half of his lineage.

The Bats once again found themselves adapting, changing and just living with another variable in their lives. One of the most noticeable change was how Bruce and Dick became more tolerant of each other, talking long enough to get things done. And just- talking, Tim realized.

Damian must’ve been their wake-up call. They just couldn’t let themselves be stuck in this endless cycle of recriminations. They had to be better for their own sakes- and others.

Tim mentally notes all of this as he watches Dick duck from a stuffed cat aimed at his head.

He must’ve been trying to coax Damian out of his room while Tim was at school. The preteen tried to quietly slip by him, wanting nothing more than to review cases in the confines of his room. But, Dick quickly notices him before a relieved and quite desperate look plasters his face.

“Oh look, Timmy is home!”

Tim shot him a dirty look. It was met with Dick’s apologetic one, but he didn’t have time to berate the older man before he felt the force of an eight-year-old slamming into his side.

“Drake!” And with the way the boy looked at him with such adoration, anybody would have forgotten how much of a brat he was.

Reluctantly, he rested a hand onto the boy’s head. Damian leaned into the touch, his arms encircling Tim’s waist as he hugged him tight. It’s befuddling that the kid hugging him is the same one who’s been throwing fits and tantrums every hour of the day.

It’s times like these that makes Tim question the relationship between them. He hasn’t done anything to earn the boy’s trust- if anything, the others had spent more time and effort in their attempts, only to receive a crumb of attention compared to Tim’s.

It’s because of Robin.

But Tim wasn’t really Robin. He was just this random kid who was too stubborn to be turned away for his own good. A kid who took up the Robin suit because Batman needs Robin. And when nobody else was up for it, he decided to fill in the role until somebody better comes along. So, no, he’s not Robin- just a temporary one attempting to make up the hole that Jason left.

But this kid can’t stop looking at him as if he was his whole world. And Tim doesn’t know what to do with that. And you would think he would’ve at this point because he can’t remember the last time he even had a day all to himself. The boy follows him everywhere. Damian would intrude in his space, one way or another.

“Hey Squirt,” He says, because if he has to endure Dick’s nicknames, then Tim should be granted some of his own. “Looks like you’ve been giving Dick and the others a hard time.”

Damian just huffs. Judging by the tired look in Dick’s eyes (And Alfred’s gradual, constant need to shine the silverware), Tim already knows the answer.

The younger boy releases him for a moment, raising his arms upwards. “I demand to be carried.”

Tim raised a brow and did nothing.

Damian frowns. It took a moment before he figured it out and added, “.. Please.”

He made grabby hand gestures for emphasis.

Tim had to stifle his laughter behind a cough. The look of awe and disbelief on Dick’s face was the epitome of feeling cheated. He can’t blame him because, really, Tim seems to be the only one who could get this close to Damian.

He slid off his backpack first, tossing it towards Dick. He bent down a bit, sliding his arms under Damian’s. Once he had a good grip, it took little effort in hoisting him up. The boy wrapped his arms around Tim’s shoulders, letting his entire weight lean against him.

The teen placed one arm beneath his legs and the other against his back. Once he felt like he had Damian secured, he turned to look at the oldest amongst them.

Dick already had the phone out to sneak some pics, of course.

Tim gave him an unamused look before asking, “Where’s Bruce?”

“He left earlier for Wayne Enterprises,” Dick grimaces. “Lucius was very persuasive in making him come back in person.”

“Ah.”

Tim has met Lucius Fox on a few occasions. He learned firsthand just how amazing and intuitive the man can be, always handing tasks and projects in a timely manner. He could understand why Bruce could entrust him with everything within his company.

Bruce has been taking some time off due to.. recent circumstances. But he could only leave his company alone for so long, and it wouldn’t be fair to let Lucius continuously bear the work alone.

Maybe that is why Dick was still here in the manor. Tim was used to only seeing him during the weekends because that’s when they’re mostly free. There’s also the fact that Dick would have to drive back and forth from Bludhaven whenever he visits, so seeing him was usually a weekly thing.

Tim peered down at the mop of dark brown hair resting against his neck.

So many changes that they’ll have to adapt to.

“I want to go over case files with you,” Damian said, cutting into the conversation. “You need Batman’s input for them.”

It’s one of the things that Damian loves to do with him. It’s the closest he’ll get to partaking in their vigilantism while also indulging the title of ‘Batman’. Though, it usually ends up with Tim having to explain things to Damian than him actually getting input, but it was gratifying all the same.

Tim was about to comply because that was what he wanted to do anyway, but Dick caught his eye. He was taking huge bites while his hand seemed to scoop into nothing but air. When all he got was a confused (and mildly concerned) look, Dick mouths it out.

He hasn’t eaten all day, Dick says.

Oh.

No wonder Dick seemed stressed out. Damian had also skipped dinner last night in retaliation. The boy is already irritable as is- being hungry on top of that isn’t ideal for anyone.

Tim rolled his eyes at the exaggerated charade. He wondered why Dick didn’t bother with lip-reading first, but he went along with it as he peers back down at the kid in his arms.

“Sure, Damian, but how about we go get some lunch first?”

“I don’t want to eat,” he replied. “I want to solve cases!”

“I know, but I’m pretty hungry. Batman can’t have his Robin not be in tip-top shape, right?”

Damian let his words sink in for a bit.

“.. I suppose not. It would be terrible if you miss an important detail because of it,” He tutted. “But I get to choose what we eat. You’re probably not eating properly, which is unacceptable. I’ll have to go over future meal plans with Pennyworth.”

Oops. Tim wasn’t sure about Alfred receiving criticism on his food, but maybe he’ll let it slide for Damian?

“Sounds good to me.” Tim added a pat on his back for reassurance. “I’m about to go down the stairs, so make sure to hang on tight.”

“I’m not that simple-minded, Drake,” Damian says, but did as he was told anyway.

Good. That’s one out of the many hurdles out of the way.

Just as Tim reaches the stairs, he turns to look back towards the first Robin. “Coming?”

Dick’s face lit up a bit. “That would be great!”

It has been a while since Dick sat down and had a leisure meal with Tim. Things have been hectic these past few days as he juggled between cases in Bludhaven and the ones here in Gotham. There were also the matters of his job as an officer, and he was lucky that he could have a bit more time off than Bruce did.

But, then he eyed Damian’s face. He could see how he held onto Tim tighter after hearing his answer.

He pursed his lips. “On second thought- I think I’ll eat later. I’ll join you guys for dinner, okay?”

Damian relaxed a bit after that.

“Alright.” Tim sighed, not missing the reason why Dick’s changed his mind. He began to descend the stairs with Damian in tow.

Tim really thought that out of all of them, Dick would be the first Damian would open up to. For one, it’s Dick that Tim feels the closest to, and well, it’s Dick. Anybody could tell you that it’s harder to not befriend the guy than trying. He’s also a well-liked and respectable leader in the hero community. He leads the Titans, protects his own city, was the first Robin and-

Out of nowhere, Dick blew raspberries towards them.

Tim has never turned so fast with the look of bewilderment etched on his face. “Did you really just-”

But nothing prepared him for the moment when Damian blew a raspberry back.

Tim could tell he put his all into that one just from the way the spittle flew by his ear. “Ugh, gross, Damian!”

“He started it!”

Tim didn’t pay no mind, already running down the steps because ew, ew, ew- there’s spit on his face! As he drifted further away, howls of laughter could be heard from on top of the stairs.

He’s gonna kill Dick.

When Tim reaches the bottom floor, he sees Alfred tending to one of the vases at the entrance. “Why, Master Tim, I see you’ve returned with-”

“Ew, can’t talk Alfred, ew, ew, ew!”

“Drake, you shouldn’t show weakness so easily! What would’ve happened if this happened with a foe?"

“They wouldn’t have spit at me," Tim's face then morph into the look of horror. "Nooo, you've made me imagined it! Aughh, gross, gross!”

The butler watches as their youngest duo race towards the kitchen, bickering all the way. With a raised brow, he turned his gaze towards the top of the stairs. There, he spots their eldest doubling over on himself, not caring about the mayhem he caused.

Alfred let out a bemused sigh. He picks up the feather duster and continues his work.

It’s slow progress, but maybe this family could have a decent meal together someday soon.

[chronicbatfictioner]

Exchanges and Compromises - Chapter 17

Jason was having the time of his life.

Dick was sure of it. He might grump and sulk a lot more than before, but Dick was sure that he was having fun. Sure, guarding Damian might be a little more than tasking, after a while - especially since Damian was so certain that he could face Bane alone if it comes down to it, conveniently ignoring the fact that: a. he's ten and practically one-tenth of Bane's size; b. the Waynes most likely would detest having to clear intestines off the marble floor if Damian were to be let near a katana and/or Bane, and c. Alfred definitely would detest cleaning intestines or parts of Damian off the floor or walls.

And d. Bruce Wayne seemed to actually enjoy having Damian around and has no qualm in talking to Damian as if he was twice his age. Bruce's age, that is. Not Damian's. Dick suspected that Bruce has spent a lot of time talking to 60-year-olds.

But there were numerous forms of excitement that were offered by the Wayne Manor. First and foremost were the cars. Dick has never learned to drive - being a Talon kind of impeded the learning process of 'common human things'. Jason, however, was an excellent driver. He had mentioned something about being a getaway driver in warzones, and Dick couldn't be sure if he was telling the truth or joking. Either way, he rather enjoyed it whenever he and Jason had to take Damian somewhere in town.

Except for today, as somebody seemed to have tampered with the car.

It wouldn't brake, and they were cruising really, really fast.

Hence Dick's belief that Jason was having fun. He did not look perturbed at the slightest as he controlled the car, swerving crazily over the backroads, making sharp u-turns instead of going into the city roads and went back where they came from. Within a mile from the Drake House's gate, Jason finally managed to cut down the speed to the point where the car's engines died and it rolled to a stop. On the Drake House's gate.

"Seriously, people," Tim remarked dryly as they walked in - leaving the car at the gate and settling their respective adrenaline back down. "I've heard of visiting the neighbors, but must you be like, dying and/or damaging people's property before you come here to say hi?"

"The car was tampered with," Damian reported. "Must be the brute. And I shall replace your gate, Drake."

"I think I'm down to like, eight lives. No-- seven." Dick admitted, "my heart's still beating a hundred miles per minute. Good thing, though, at least that way I know I'm quite alive."

"Dick, you're a bird. Not a cat." Tim deadpanned. His eyes never leaving Jason, who had lit up a cigarette as he walked through the house. "Since when do you smoke?"

"Since I was eleven," Jason replied. "And since I walked into a house that has laser triggers that were set up by a lunatic. Smoke worked to reveal them all."

"I'm... partially scowling because smoking kills. But I suppose laser triggers would kill faster..." Tim replied.

"The lasers are used to trigger booby traps just about Damian's height. If he were to be a common kid and run around the house, he'd be decapitated within the first few days." Jason continued bitterly. "What the fuck is wrong with that giant lump of steroids, anyway? He was ready to kill a child!"

"The nutshell version is that the child would prevent his usurping the Waynes' wealth." Tim pointed out. "The long version is that I don't think he's really the child of Dr Wayne, the Waynes know of it, and they're literally being held hostage in their own home. Also, you people are being watched, too, by drones. I've asked Harper to kill those drones for entering my property."

Tim then explained Bruce's visit and the USB. "Oracle has contacted him and told him we... the Birds, that is - are investigating the evidence."

"How long until we can punch the asshole out of the house for good?" Jason demanded, accepting a bottle of water Tim handed him. Slowly and gently. Making sure his fingers brushed Tim's. And Dick had to swallow a grin.

"That, unfortunately, would be up to the GCPD. Did you guys saw the news? Vicky Vale's article on Damian?" Tim... preened a little, waving his hair as he walked away from Jason. Dick's lips itched, he wondered if Barbara or the other girls -- if Selina or Dinah have noticed this. The two were definitely flirting.

"I have seen it. It had good pictures of my mother and grandfather, and quite... adequate descriptions of both of them." Damian replied. "Evidently father has made a comment to the writer about me looking like him when he was my age."

"Well, you kind of do look like him, except for the green eyes." Dick pointed out. Bruce's eyes were blue - like both his parents. But from the photos of little Brucie around the house, Dick could see a little of Martha Wayne in Damian's still-round face. "When did Bruce make the comment?"

"Oh, Vale called him." Tim snickered. "She still has his personal number, and she commented something about hearing a - quote: 'constipated buffalo sounds in the background' - unquote. She was also wondering if Bruce was in a bullfighting ring somewhere."

"Seriously?" Dick laughed.

"Seriously. Even Barbara couldn't stop laughing hearing that." Tim assured him. Jason rolled his eyes but looking amused, anyway.

"Sooo... a possible off-road accident for the apparent heir is in the books?" Jason suggested.

"I won't put it past Bane. Damian...?" Tim started. But Damian already nodded in acknowledgment.

"I shan't eat anything that is not presented by Todd or Grayson, nor will I frolic the manor on my own. This shall be more to bear witness to your insinuation of my 'child-like' behavior than to take care of me, Drake, as I am quite capable of sustaining my own life." Damian scoffed.

Tim paused visibly for a good two seconds, before nodding, "of course. Furthermore, I can assure you that Alfred is safe, mainly because as a butler, his focal interest would be the actual Waynes. That's in his training - unless an offspring is publicly announced, they are not to be cared for by the Butler. In Wayne Manor, the proverbial child would solely be Bruce - for obvious reasons, and Damian, whom Bruce has publicly acknowledged." Tim explained.

"He was in MI6," Jason remarked. "Alfred, that is. Not Bane. It would be safe to say he's loyal. He told me of the booby traps and that Bane has a daily dose of injection of the steroid-like substance. But I-- we shall prepare you emergency rations - just in case, anyway."

"You guys can always drop by here. And don't think that Damian would be Bane's only target." Tim reminded. "If I was him, I'd take out the big guns - that is you two - first; and then Bruce, because he'll want to be protective of his son; and then Dr and Mrs Wayne last."

"Then I'm afraid you are forgetting one of the members of the household that is most dangerous, Master Tim," a voice spoke; Jason pulled out his gun, Damian automatically hid behind him while pulling out a small dagger.

Dick wanted to lunge right toward the source of the voice until he realized that it was Alfred Pennyworth, both hands raised up to show that he was unarmed.

"How...?" Jason growled, "I didn't hear the front door open."

"Apologies, gentlemen. I should have informed you that there is an underground passageway between the two houses that were once used frequently, but now has all been forgotten." Alfred explained. "You were right that I was in MI6, Jason; as you were right that my focus will and forever shall remain the true Wayne blood, Master Tim. Not ones who claimed as such and refused to provide irrefutable evidence."

"Does Bane know of this passageway?" Tim asked.

"It is located in the staff's wing, and as he is not permitted to be there, I sincerely doubt it," Alfred replied. "I have my own... booby traps and surveillance that should tell me if anyone has been there." he smiled. "I am aware that both of you have prowled the entire house at one point or the other in the past few weeks." he nodded toward Jason and Dick. "You were stealthy, indeed."

"But not stealthy enough?" Dick quipped. "I gotta go back to training... Anyway, why are you here?"

"I saw your vehicle's mishap and its stop here. If anything, Bane is not... stealthy enough." Alfred pulled out a small memory card. "To get to the garage, one must pass the servants' hall. And the garage is my province."

Tim accepted the memory card, plugged it into his cellphone; and then projected its content to a wall. "Huh... this should be enough evidence of tampering..." Tim commented. The memory card showed a clear date stamp - that morning, a few hours before Bane and the Waynes left the house. It also showed Bane himself, jacking the car that was now resting with a dented bumper at Tim's gate, while holding a plier.

"Anyone watching our car now?" Dick commented. "Won't be cool to have it suddenly fixed, will it?"

"Harper should be. Plus, y'all are on my property. If he trespasses, I'll have his ass arrested." Tim huffed. "So... if anyone has ideas--" Jason and Damian's eyes lit up; Tim glared at them and continued "--that do not include sharp and/or exploding objects of how to remove Bane from the Manor..."

"I'm fresh out," Jason replied mournfully. "No sharp objects, no exploding objects... what do you expect me to do? Poison him?"

"But Todd, did my mother not teach you the arts of food as medicine?" Damian piped up.

The sudden silence as all eyes landed on Alfred was quite ominous.

"I will not conduct a crime, young masters," Alfred remarked dryly.

"Oh nooo... not a crime," Jason grinned mischievously. "It's just... you know that Damian was born in the Middle East, yeah?"

"I may have quite a culinary skill, but I fear that my Middle Eastern cuisine knowledge is rather limited," Alfred said demurely.

"Well, mine isn't." Jason grinned. "Besides, what else should one do to celebrate one's entrance into such a distinguished family; but hold a family dinner?"

"You're going to poison him." Dick groaned.

"Not to death!" Jason protested. Dick gave him an unimpressed glare. "Just... to the point where he would realize that he and I have opposing objectives."

"Do let me know of the ingredients you require, Jason." Alfred intoned. "Or perhaps you prefer to shop on your own? I shall fetch a new, un-tampered-with vehicle."

"Oh, please do, Alfred. I doubt we can make a single trip. But they will be fun." Jason replied, grinning.

Dick knew that the sense of foreboding was not in him only. Tim looked like he was contemplating moving away to Alaska.

"For the records, I don't know anything about cooking," Dick said defensively.

"I'm... truly and fully reconsidering my life choices," Tim admitted.

"Oh, don't worry, Drake. Todd was trained by the best," Damian grinned mischievously. "I pity the fools who think him as a brute. I pity the brute who think that small equals weak."

[excuseme-howdareyou]

Zugzwang

@randumbteahouse

Alfred the Cat blinked slowly and with dignity, licked his paw to clean his face. From his perch on the tabletop, the whole of the room was visible and he had a plethora toys up here to amuse himself with. In other words, he was utterly content.

The same could not be said for Timothy Drake. He, on the other hand, sat at the table with a flummoxed expression and one hand increasingly mussing up his hair. He stared in disbelief at the chess board before him. With shockingly few black pieces still in play, it was currently the bane of his existence. “I could walk away right now, you know,” he grumbled, more to himself than anyone else,” Go back to my room and play video games and forget this ever happened.”

In response, the cat sitting on the other side of the chess board meowed and resumed cleaning his face.

Tim’s face fell and he groaned in his misery. “But then that’d be admitting that you’ve won. Nobody likes a rage quitter,” he bemoaned then glared at the cat,” But you’re just a cat. I could just walk away and you wouldn’t be able to tell anyone jack shit.”

“No, but I could,” Duke said from the other side of the room. Tim let out a surprised sound that almost sent Alfred the Cat fleeing from his perch and spun his head around so fast it almost gave him whiplash.

“How long have you been there?!”

Grinning widely, Duke shifted to make himself more comfortable on the sofa and swiped his thumb over his phone. Score! A double bonus! “You want the honest answer?” he asked,” Or are you gonna tell me what the hell is going on over there?”

“None of your business!”

Duke shrugged and went back to his phone. “Suit yourself. I wonder what Damian’s up to this morning…”

“Duke, don’t you dare!”

……………….

“I don’t know what’s more pathetic, Drake playing chess against a cat-” Damian mused, then glanced down at the board,” -or the fact that he’s losing.” Silently, Tim motioned at him with his middle finger upraised. With his other hand, he moved a knight.

Alfred the Cat sniffed a white bishop on the other side of the board. Tim swore when he noticed the bishop had a direct line to take out the knight he’d just placed.

Damian laughed when he saw his predicament. “Go ahead, Drake, you know you’re beat,” he goaded. When Tim refused to acquiesce, Damian moved the white bishop for him and with great joy flicked Tim’s black knight off the board.

All three of them (plus Alfred the Cat) inspected the board. “I think he just put you in checkmate” Duke breathed in shock.

Tim groaned and slammed his head on the table.

[aion-rsa]

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Easter Egg and Reference Guide

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The following contains spoilers for Psych 2: Lassie Come Home.

As fun as 2017’s Psych: The Movie was, its 2020 sequel Psych 2: Lassie Come Home will likely supplant it in Psych-Os’ hearts, because it’s got 500% more Carlton Lassiter (Timothy Omundson). But how does it stack up to its predecessor in terms of Psych callbacks and pop culture homages? Using our Spencer powers of observation, we’ve tried to catch every recurring inside joke between Shawn (James Roday Rodriguez) and Gus (Dulé Hill), plus all the episodic-specific bits. It’s a feature-length Hitchcock homage, but it’s also the toughest Easter egg hunt of your life. C’mon, son!

Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Easter Eggs and References

The title is a reference to Lassie Come Home, the 1943 Lassie movie about the beloved dog making her way home from Scotland. A German-language remake came out early in 2020.

It’s always a treat to hear the Psych theme song “I Know, You Know,” performed by creator Steve Franks and his band The Friendly Indians.

Lassiter wakes up to Shawn and Gus hovering above him at the recovery clinic is a throwback to when they kidnapped him for his bachelor party in “Deez Nups” and he came to with them screaming “Surpriiise!”

Morrissey the rescue dog reprises his role from Psych: The Movie in being adorable, incredibly nosy, and oblivious to Shawn’s hissing commands.

Sarah Chalke’s nurse character Dolores is most likely a nod to San Francisco’s Mission Dolores church and cemetery, the location for Carlotta Valdes’ grave in Vertigo.

Right out the gate, Dolores is treated to the requisite Gus nickname: “My name is Shawn Spencer, and this is my partner Bill Poopingtons.” However, Shawn and Gus take a sidebar for a very meta argument about their ongoing bit (while fitting in another bit):

“Gus, don’t be the night your dad fell asleep inside your mom. We can’t just stop doing bits we’ve been doing for ten years. We have fans, they have expectations, there’ll be a huge backlash.”

“Shawn, we are two dumbasses, we do not have fans.”

Compromise: Gus gets right of refusal until they land on a nickname he prefers. And so:

Bill Poopingtons > All the Pips in One

Ding-Dong Ditch > Claude O’Dern > Big Poppa Pump > Lemon-a Lemon-a Lemon-a Liiime

Leggo My Eggo > Norman Brown Butter > Dijon Hounsou

Gus also calls himself Jermajesty, channeling some Jackson Five energy.

“Black Jello” was Gus’ nickname in their adult dodgeball league.

The Herschel House is likely a nod to Herschel Daugherty, who directed over two dozen episodes of Alfred Hitchcock Presents…

Gus and Shawn are still bickering over driving the drivers ed car, even if we don’t see it in the movie. They do manage to be just as bad at turning the right direction when riding a motorcycle together.

“Now I know this ‘goofy little white guy/sexy black dude’ routine the two of you have going like the back of my scrubs.” Sarah Chalke played Elliot on Scrubs, whose JD/Turk bromance walked so that Shawn/Gus could run.

Shawn calls Dolores “the nurse from Color of Night,” the 1994 Bruce Willis erotic mystery thriller that won a Golden Raspberry for Worst Picture.

The boys get Jamba Juice because you never turn down an opportunity for a Jamba.

Shawn likens Gus’ pubic hair to Eddie Murphy’s mustache in his 1987 stand-up film Raw.

Shawn offers the dismembered hand to Gus to “knuck it up softly,” per their penchant for fist-bumping. 

They later do fist-bump outside the old Psych offices, but not before channeling Han Solo and Chewbacca in Star Wars: The Force Awakens: “Gus, we’re home.” “[Wookiee sound]”

Psych has become a French-themed cat café… for now, at least. It’s not an alternative universe from Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, but the current subletter’s pop-up business. The proprietor (not the girl from Orphan) is played by Allison Miller, James Roday Rodriguez’s co-star in A Million Little Things.

“I am a psychic. He is a sympathetic pooper.” Poor Gus’ intestinal system gets called out again.

Henry’s (Corbin Bernsen) put-on voice gets compared to Tom Waits, Kathleen Turner, Harvey Fierstein, and Diedrich Bader.

Shawn neglected to tell his landlord that he’d moved, which tracks with his behavior in the series finale “The Break-Up.”

Henry reveals that in addition to telenovelas, he enjoys zeitgeist-y sobfests: “You left behind a slow cooker with a three-pound roast in it. You nearly This Is Us-ed the entire block.”

“This Is Us—Dad, why are you watching that show? They have the same show on ABC but newer”: Shawn’s shoutout to A Million Little Things.

Lassiter mistakes Reese Kessler, his supposed shooter, for country music singer Conway Twitty.

Lassiter’s to-do list includes “tape Galavant,” the short-lived musical comedy fantasy series created by Dan Fogelman (This Is Us), in which Timothy Omundson played King Richard. It also includes items poking fun at Lassiter’s crankiness (“yell at nature,” “chirping bird d-day plan”) and tenacity (“solve black dahlia”), and heartstring-tugging items (“pre-register for ironman” as in the triathlon). He also has written down Shawn’s S.E.I.Z.E. mantra from his short-lived career as Lassiter’s life coach in “S.E.I.Z.E. the Day”: Seize Eggs I don’t know Zebra Eighties.

Juliet (Maggie Lawson) lying to Shawn sounds strange, though not as strange as Lupita Nyong’o—the Tethered Lupita—in Jordan Peele’s Us.

Shawn’s “romantic dinner” for Jules is the menu from A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (jelly beans, pretzels, buttered toast, popcorn, and ice cream sundaes) because it’s all they had at the gas station on the way home.

That prompts an iconic “C’mon, son!” from Gus.

Gus’ ringtone is “I’m Mr. Bootyman,” which is both Henry’s ringtone and the song featured in Buzz McNab’s bachelorette party stripper routine in “Deez Nups.”

Gus’ (technically Jules’) green snuggie bears a striking resemblance to official Psych contest merch.

Lassiter spotting mysterious bleeding figures out his window is an homage to Rear Window.

Richard Schiff (as Dr. Herschel) was Dulé Hill’s co-star in The West Wing.

Potterhead Gus wants to know if there are any people hiding in the pipes of the Herschel House, “speaking in their own tongue, perhaps Parsel.”

The Psych boys’ map of suspects briefly includes the Hell Hag from Gus’ dreams in “A Nightmare on State Street.”

Shawn has only been to Norway once with his brother-in-law Ewan O’Hara (John Cena), but they don’t talk about that… Maybe that’s where Psych: The Movie went after its cliffhanger ending?

Ova’s Norwegian song/chant toast at the Viking’s Ice Den is very similar to the Swedish toast in “Right Turn or Left for Dead.”

Ova’s violent son Per is first described as “the bearded Daryl Hannah.”

Shawn’s excuse to Detective Buzz McNab (Sage Brocklebank) for being in Santa Barbara is that he forgot a frisbee signed by German writer/director Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck.

Shawn’s first reaction to Jules potentially being pregnant: “You know the windows in the loft don’t even fully close, right? I’m gonna have to replace them, otherwise this is Baby’s Day Out all over again.” As Gus reassures him, he always did get worked up over John Hughes’ worst idea.

At the old Psych offices, Shawn pulls out the jousting lance from “100 Clues”—as well as a pineapple! He looks about to ask, “Should we cut this up for the road?” (his question during the pineapple’s first appearance in the pilot, plus at the end of Psych: The Movie) but stops himself.

When Lassie believes that fellow patient Mr. Wilkerson (Kadeem Hardison) has been walking around, Shawn and Gus have to go “full Dirty Rotten Scoundrels” to interrogate the supposedly catatonic patient.

Shoutout to Jessie Spano’s infamous “I’m so excited, I’m so excited, I’m so scared!” speed speech from Saved by the Bell.

If it’s not Scrubs, the boys are getting compared to Ren and Stimpy.

Mary Lightly (Jimmi Simpson) returns in another incredible, extra-hallucinatory look into Shawn’s brain… this time as a baby, since Shawn’s got fatherhood on the brain.

“We got jackaled!” Gus shouts upon learning that Wilkerson can walk—a reference to “hitting the jackal switch,” or going into stealth mode.

Shawn has always had a thing for singer Jewel, even after the Civil War movie (1999’s Ride with the Devil) and the Bollywood song.

Of course there’s a nasty dance when Shawn and Gus figure out who they think is behind everything.

Gus declares that “I am not going to let you shoot Shules’ baby!” only for the Chief (Kirsten Nelson) to ask, “What’s a Shules?” That’s the fans’ name for Shawn/Jules, a cute nod to a series OTP.

And of course, we can’t forget the fact that Jazmyn Simon, who plays Selene, is Dulé Hill’s real-life wife.

More than once, Shawn quotes The Handmaid’s Tale in reference to Gus and Selene’s baby: “Praise be” and “Blessed is the fruit.”

Dolores compliments Lassiter’s “chest of hair plentiful enough to wake all of Destiny’s Child.”

Shawn comes up with possible names for Gus’ child: Shaft, Shaftie, or D’Shaft—just like Gus’ nickname Sh’Dynasty (with a “God’s comma,” or apostrophe) from “Santabarbaratown.”

They also both coo “c’mon son” to Selene’s womb.

Selene’s proposal to Gus includes his negotiation that he and Shawn have adjacent homes with connecting pools, a callback to Shawn and Gus talking about their dream setup in “The Break-Up”; as well as Pluto! She asks, “Will you make me the happiest woman on this planet, on Eres, and Pluto?”

Shawn tells Juliet that “you’re my person,” the iconic Grey’s Anatomy line (though one would argue that Gus more accurately is his person).

When Lassiter stands (shut up, you’re crying) to meet Marlowe (Kristy Swanson), they place their palms together—like they did when he would visit her in jail, like they did at their wedding. My heart.

Join us on the Easter egg hunt—let us know what references we missed!

The post Psych 2: Lassie Come Home Easter Egg and Reference Guide appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2CDgzPr

[italiancherrybombs]

Secret Spectres

Romano x America + first Halloween (as a couple)

Recipient: @whatever-aph  

Characters: [America, Romano]

Notes: For the Secret Spectres with @hetaliawritersdiscord ! This was my first time writing for Romerica, and I thoroughly enjoyed it! Hope you like it too!

It was such a bummer that Halloween fell on a Wednesday this year.

Lovino didn’t agree with trick-or-treating (“How would the parents react when they see two grown-ass adults begging for candy, Alfred? Right on their doorstep?”), but he did agree to the costumes. Alfred was surprised when Lovino asked if there were any Halloween parties in the area that weren’t aimed towards to kids, and unfortunately, there weren’t any. All of the parties, if any, were on the weekends, and both of them agreed that dressing outside of Halloween would be weird.

They would just have to make do with their circumstances.

“I really don’t think our first Halloween together is such a special thing,” Lovino sighed, on the night of the 30th. They were on Alfred’s bed together, staring up at the ceiling. Alfred had his cute pumpkin pajamas on, while Lovino had relented when Alfred asked if he could wear those pajama pants with black cats.

“You don’t think so?” Alfred asked, and Lovino could just hear the smile in his voice.

Lovino shook his head. “The only difference between tomorrow and any other day is that we’ll be handing out candy to kids. Oh, and we’ll be in costume. That’s about it. We’ll still be going to work, and we’ll still be together.”

“Yeah, but that’s exactly it!” Alfred reached over to wrap his arms around Lovino’s waist, which earned him a surprised squawk. “We’ll be celebrating it together! And you’ll be making those sweets!”

Lovino huffed. “Only because I’m not eating cheap crap,” he mumbled, squeezing Alfred’s arms close to himself. Alfred grinned.

“Whatever you say, man,” he laughed, nuzzling a kiss between the crook of Lovino’s neck. And, despite himself, Lovino snorted and pinched Alfred at the side to get him back. From there, it quickly devolved into a cuddle-fight.

October 31st started out pretty boring, actually. They departed for their jobs -- Lovino at the daycare and Alfred at the high school gym -- and other than gaudy plastic pumpkins and pictures of spiders and cauldrons taped on the walls, it was a mostly regular workday for them. Lovino still had to pull two quarreling children apart (even though, in this situation, the little brat wanted to pull a kid’s tiara off), politely argue with parents (“No, ma’am, we don’t know if the caramel apples are gluten-free, yes, we promise not to feed any sort of candy to your child.”), and already wishing to get home by noon. Alfred, on the other hand, had to deal with a teen who wanted to do laps with a gorilla mask on and had to send them to the dean’s office to take care of. It wasn’t as if dealing with kids breaking dress code was anything new. This time was just... weird.

Lovino arrived home first. He always arrived home first at three, since that was when a majority of the parents picked up their little tots from the daycare (and he refused to stay until seven waiting for those parents that nearly forget to pick up their children, how in the world do they do that?). Only bothering to put an apron on top of his work clothes, he went straight into the kitchen to make the sweets.

Alfred arrived home an hour and a half later. It smelled so damn good. Lovino was hunched over the stovetop, stirring something with a large wooden spoon. Alfred wanted to surprise him with a hug, but he remembered the last time he did that when Lovino was handling something hot. (They were out making s’mores over a campfire with Alfred’s family, and when Alfred suddenly hugged Lovino, Lovino almost whacked him with his marshmallow -- which was on fire. it was a crazy night.)

So instead, he just announced his presence with small banter.

“Whatcha cooking now?” Alfred asked, peeking over Lovino’s shoulder. The chocolate chips were half-melted in the saucepan, Lovino deftly folding the chocolate over.

“I’m just melting chocolate,” Lovino mumbled, poking the saucepan. “Cupcakes finished baking, though. They’re over there.”

At that, Alfred perked up. “Really?” He glanced to the kitchen counter, and lo and behold, a tray of chocolate cupcakes were cooling on the metal rack. So that the source of the smell. He sneakily sidestepped and tried to pluck a cupcake from the rack.

“If you burn your fingers on that, I’m not taking you to the hospital.”

Alfred snorted. “They’re not that hot,” he insisted, but he backed away nonetheless. “Anything I can do to help you?”

Lovino shrugged, motioning towards the cabinet. “Sprinkles and white chocolate are in the cabinet.”

With a mock gasp, Alfred opened the wooden cabinet and grabbed the bag of white chocolate chips and various bottles of sprinkles. “You? A cooking connoisseur? Using the forbidden white chocolate?” He teased, placing the bag right beside his love.

Lovino rolled his eyes. “You’re the one who wanted mummy cupcakes.” He turned off the stovetop, then removed the saucepan. “Pour it into a bowl, please?”

They spent the rest of the afternoon decorating cupcakes into cutesy monsters, including bats, mummies, jack-o-lanterns, and even a rainbow zombie -- white chocolate with all the leftover sprinkles on top. The idea was Alfred’s, and Lovino honestly couldn’t believe the sprinkles would stick.

“It’s gonna be the tastiest one and you know it,” Alfred grinned, rubbing his hands with a napkin.

“With all that crap on it?” Lovino asked as he placed dishes into the sink. “... Yeah, probably.”

That earned him a messy kiss on the cheek, and Lovino half-heartedly complained about the chocolate Alfred hadn’t wiped from his mouth yet.

They had just finished cleaning the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

“... Craaaaap,” Alfred hissed. “We’re not in costume yet!”

Lovino leaned back to glance through the window. Already, there were three kids and a parent crowded around their door; one kid reached up to ring the doorbell again, but an older kid smacked the hand away.

“I’ll go give them candy,” Lovino sighed. “You go change in your costume.” With a quick kiss, Lovino ducked under Alfred to get the bowl.

“You’re the best!” Alfred sang as he bolted up the stairs, grin still on his face as he went into the bedroom.

Lovino only clicked his tongue as he grabbed the creepy ceramic bowl with the hand sticking out. Alfred apparently got it from a thrift store a while ago, and when he showed it to Lovino, Lovino could only stare.

“We can’t use that,” Lovino muttered at the time.

“Why not?” Alfred grinned, shaking the bowl so the hand tilted towards Lovino. “You scared of it~?”

Now, Lovino supposed it made a fine bowl, even with the weird lifelike hand. He grabbed the huge bag of assorted candies and dumped in half. The kids could get the crappy chocolate and caramels. They, on the other hand, were going to feast on quality treats.

No sooner did Lovino close the door behind him, the happy costumed kids stepping onto the sidewalk with their plastic bags a little fuller than before, Alfred emerged from the bathroom fully dressed.

“You think I look white enough?” Alfred asked, still rubbing white chalk on his face. It was a miracle his midnight blue Dracula suit wasn’t getting lighter in the process.

“White as a ghost,” Lovino said, climbing up the stairs to meet him. He fixed Alfred’s collar, then frowned at Alfred’s neck. “No blood this time?”

Alfred groaned. “I don’t want to scare the kids.”

“Oh, believe me, they’ve seen scarier.” The doorbell rang again as Lovino shifted the collar to a satisfactory position, and he sighed. “I’ll go change now.” He took another step, then turned behind him. “And I don’t want you touching the cupcakes with those chalky hands!”

Alfred just sent him a wide grin before greeting the door.

Lovino’s costume took longer. So long, in fact, that it was only after the third family that Lovino called Alfred up.

Alfred barely suppressed a snort. “Didn’t we agree on only two toilet paper rolls?”

Lovino rolled his eyes, wrapping more toilet paper around his arm. “I have to make sure it doesn’t rip, you jerk,” he huffed. “And plus, if I can pay for the toilet paper, I can use however much I want.”

Unlike Alfred’s simple chalk-to-the-face, Lovino went full out with an ashy-gray face and penned-in red scars. If Alfred didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought his boyfriend turned into a zombie-mummy.

“Anyways...” Lovino snapped Alfred out of his thoughts with a toilet paper roll shoved into his chest. “Could you wrap that around my chest? Please?”

Alfred complied, wrapping the paper around as Lovino stuck in as many pieces of medical tape as he could to secure it. The process, while time-consuming (and frustrating, especially when the tape itself ripped the paper), was easy enough. Soon, a mummy in tatters was stiffly walking out of the bathroom and down the stairs with bespectacled Dracula.

"You okay there?" Alfred laughed as Lovino tried to move his arms as little as possible. "Do you need help sitting down?" His smile only widened when Lovino sent an annoyed look his way.

They spent the night hanging out on the kitchen table eating cupcakes and answering the door to give away candy. The two of them commented on other kids' and sometimes parents' costumes behind their closed door, with mostly admiration for a child's costume and embarrassment for a grownup's. They received a few comments about their costumes, and they returned the favor with compliments of their own. It was a very relaxing night overall.

Soon enough, it was about nine o'clock, their refilled bowl whittling down to none and only two cupcakes left. Alfred's chalky face had diminished a bit, especially around the mouth area. Lovino had to pull off some of the toilet paper to get rid of stray frosting bits and sprinkles.

"We should do this next year," Alfred mused, taking Lovino's hand and squeezing.

Lovino squeezed back. "Mm. I suppose."

"Do bigger and better costumes. And hey, it'll be on a Thursday! More parties, probably!"

He only nodded, lacing Alfred's fingers into his own. "Spending time with you is enough," he muttered, resting his head on his hand. "I really liked spending the night with just you."

Alfred, miraculously, blushed through the chalk. It wasn't often Lovino got sappy.

"And I like making cupcakes too. They're fun." Lovino groaned, shifting in his seat. "Ugh, I wanna get out of this. I feel naked."

"Even with all that toilet paper?" Alfred teased, then helped Lovino up. "I feel over-dressed. This suit's gonna make me melt."

Lovino rolled his eyes. Their hands were still joined as they climbed up the stairs to the bedroom. "It was cold outside. You were fine. Me, on the other, hand, I almost froze my ass off--"

The bedroom door closed behind them, their light banter continuing through the night.

[thekillerblogofkillers]

Daisy de Melker (1886-1932)

Daisy de Melker was a South African nurse who killed two husbands with strychnine for their live insurance in Germiston, Transvaal (now Gauteng) and poisoned her only son with arsenic for unknown reasons. She was the second woman to be hanged in South Africa. De Melker was accused of 3 murders but only convicted of 1, the murder of her son. The charges against her for killing her 2 husbands could not be successfully proven in court. It was William Sproat, brother of De Melker’s 2nd husband, who accused her in an attempt to have her claim to his brother’s will invalidated. De Melker refused to return a loan from Robert’s (her husband) mother, Mrs. Jane Sproat, saying she regarded it as a gift and stating that it was not stipulated as a loan. William Sproat won the civil case regarding the will, which ran concurrently with De Melker’s murder trial, and was awarded costs. Daisy withdrew from the lawsuit on the day Justice Greenberg sentence her for murder. William’s was hollow, however, as to pay her high legal costs Daisy had to sell all her assets and was declared insolvent, eventually being buried in a prison pauper’s grave.

Daisy Hancorn-Smith was born on 1 June 1886 at Seven Fountains near Grahamstown, South Africa, one of 11 children. At the age of 12 Daisy was sent to Bulawayo, Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) to live with her father and 2 of her brothers. 3 years later she began boarding school at the Good Hope Seminary School in Cape Town. Daisy returned to Rhodesia in 1903 but was quickly bored with rural life, returning to South Africa shortly afterwards and enrolling at the Berea Nursing Home in Durban. On a holiday in Rhodesia, Daisy met and fell in love with Bert Fuller, a civil servant in the Native Affairs Department at Broken Hill. They planned to get married in October 1907 but Fuller contracted blackwater fever and subsequently died, with Daisy at his bedside, on the same day they were due to marry. Fuller left his fiancée £100 in his will. Around 18 months after the death of Bert Fuller, Daisy married William Alfred Cowle, a plumber, in Johannesburg. She was 22 at the time and he was 36. The couple had 5 children, but 4 died. The first were twins who died in infancy. Their 3rd child died of an abscess on the liver and the 4th suffered from convulsions and bowel trouble and died at 15 months old. Their 5th child, and only surviving offspring, Rhodes Cecil, was born in June 1911.

On the morning of 11 January 1923, William Cowle fell ill after taking Epsom salts his wife had prepared for him. The first doctor who saw Cowle didn’t consider the condition to be serious and prescribed him a bromide mixture. Cowle’s condition began to deteriorate rapidly and not long after the doctor left, he took a turn for the worse. Daisy summoned neighbours for help and called for a different doctor. Cowle was in agony when the 2nd doctor arrived. He was foaming at the mouth, was blue in the face, and screamed with pain if anyone touched him. These symptoms continued until he eventually died. The second doctor believed that these symptoms suggested strychnine poisoning and refused to sign the death certificate. A post-mortem was performed by acting District Surgeon, Dr. Fergus. The cause of death was certified to be chronic nephritis (inflammation of the kidneys) and cerebral haemorrhage (bleeding on the brain). Daisy Cowle, sole beneficiary of her husband’s will, inherited £1795.

When Daisy Cowle was 36 years old she married Robert Sproat, a plumber, 3 years to the day of William Cowle’s death. Sproat was 10 years Daisy’s senior. In October 1927, Robert Sproat fell gravely ill, suffering severe muscle spasms and excruciating pain similar to the symptoms suffered by William Cowle. Sproat, however, recovered, but a few weeks later suffered a 2nd fatal attack after drinking beer with his wife and stepson, Rhodes. He died on November 6, 1927. Dr. Mallinick, the attending physician, certified that the cause of death was arteriosclerosis (clogged arteries) and cerebral haemorrhage – no autopsy was performed. Robert Sproat’s widow inherited over £4000, plus £560 paid by his pension fund.

On 21 January, 1931, Daisy Sproat married for the 3rd time, this time to widower Sydney Clarence de Melker, who was a plumber like William Cowle and Robert Sproat. In late February 1932, de Melker had travelled from Germiston to Turffontein to buy arsenic from a chemist. She used her previous name, Sproat, and claimed that she needed to poison to euthanize a sick cat. Within a week, Rhodes Cecil Cowles, Daisy’s son, fell ill at work after drinking coffee from a thermos that his mother had prepared for him. One of Rhodes’ colleagues, James Webster, had also drunk from the thermos and became violently sick. Webster, who had only had a sip of the coffee, recovered in a few days, but Rhodes died at home on March 5. A post-mortem followed and the cause of death was cited as cerebral malaria. Rhodes was buried at New Brixton cemetery the next day and on April 1, Daisy received £100 from her son’s life insurance policy. Rhodes Cowle was just 20 at the time of his death. His sister-in-law, Eileen De Melker, described him as lazy and said he was often unwilling to get up in the mornings. Another witness at Daisy’s trial called Rhodes “bright and conscientious” and “a real gentleman”. The evidence was conflicting, but either way it didn’t explain why De Melker had chosen to kill Rhodes, whereas there was an obvious financial gain in killing her 2 husbands. Rhodes seemed to have been under the impression that he was coming into an inheritance at the age of 21. One theory is that he wanted more money than Daisy could give him and he was becoming a problem for her. The most obvious motive is that Daisy simply didn’t like him and was disappointed by him. She pampered him all his life, but he rarely showed her any consideration in return.

By this time, William Sproat, brother of Daisy de Melker’s 2nd dead husband, had started to become suspicious and relayed his concerns to the authorities. On 15 April 1932, the police were granted a court order to exhume the bodies of Rhodes Cowle, Robert Sproat and William Cowle. The body of Rhodes Cowle was exhumed first, and was unusually well preserved, which can be characteristic of large quantities of arsenic. A state forensic pathologist located traces of the poison in the viscera, backbone and hair. Despite the fact that the bodies of William Cowle and Robert Sproat were severely decomposed, traces of strychnine were discovered in the vertebrae of both men. Their bones showed a pink discolouration, symptomatic of pink strychnine, which was common at the time. Traces of arsenic were also discovered in the hair and fingernails of James Webster, Rhodes’ colleague. The following week, police arrested De Melker and charged her with the murder of all 3 men. Public interest in the case grew and the media gave the story a large amount of coverage. The chemist from Turffontein, Mr. Abraham Spilkin, who sold De Melker the arsenic she used to kill her son, recognised De Melker from a photo as being “Mrs. D.L. Sproat”, who had signed the poisons register and he took this information to police. The trial lasted 30 days, and 60 witnesses were called for the Crown and less than half that for the defence. The Crown employed Dr. J.M. Wyatt to present the forensic evidence. Wyatt was an expert toxicologist and Professor of Pharmacology at the Witwatersrand University. The judge pointed out in his summary that the Crown had been unable to conclusively prove that Cowle and Sproat had died of strychnine poisoning. “It does not convince me, nor does it convict the accused,” he said. On the 3rd murder charge, however, the judge came to the “inescapable conclusion” that De Melker had murdered her son. The evidence for this lay in the facts that Rhodes Cowle had died of arsenic poisoning, the coffee flask held traces of arsenic, the accused had put the arsenic into the flask, and the defence of suicide was untenable. When the judge turned to pass sentence on De Melker, her face turned white but she continued proclaiming her innocence. Daisy de Melker, at the age of 46, was condemned to death by hanging. The sentence was carried out on the morning of December 30 1932 at Pretoria Central Prison.

[curewhimsy]

So I compiled a list of funny quirks that my characters have!

I need to make comics about them.

Joy is comically pure

Joy is bad at directions

Maia's dramatic "power of friendship" speeches and heroic tears

Maia can be overly dramatic sometimes, even though she doesn't consider herself that.

Maia can't sing, but only can in her character songs.

Joy's friendship speeches

Alfred is a meme with a big appetite and is head over heels for all food except broccoli which he hates

Marie has a big appetite

Alfred's favorite food is alfredo

Alfred cannot cook

Biscotti becomes a meme called "Disappointed Guy".

Biscotti's roast beef song also becomes a meme.

Vivi wants very badly to one day become a famous meme. Then she would be able to make tons of people smile. However, every attempt Vivi makes ends in failure.

Vivi is jealous of Biscotti because he can't seem to avoid being a meme

Vivi has the best intentions, and does things for the sake of others.

Lumina's crush on Joy

Joy's crush on Grace

Vivi can be comically annoying sometimes. However, she is very insecure about being called annoying.

Sasha is in love with a fictional character, Akira. She's open about it to Rue (much to her dismay), but embarrassed to tell most others.

Rue has a big crush on Sasha and she is very gay. Ganbatte, Rue!

Akiko is a lot like the fictional character Akira, whom Sasha loves.

Mona has ultimate bad luck and is secretly in love with a potato chip mascot

Emi is a cheerful air-headed cinnamon roll who wishes music notes were pictures, like C is for cake

Emi learns and forgets very quickly. Once she learned a whole language in one night to impress Rune, however she forgot all of it the next day

Mimi is a little chubby cinnamon roll who is a little clumsy and air-headed. Unlike carefree Emi, she is aware she is flawed and is self-conscious of it.

Imani is easily frustrated and thinks she's worthless...

Joy overcomes a lot of obstacles and finds herself in the process...

Peaches laughs like ohoho

Pastell's bad jokes

Visola's job changes every day

Colorine is a meme machine, always saying randomness, jokingly flirting in the most hilarious way possible.

Fia can eat absurdly spicy foods. She chows down on habanero peppers as if they were strawberries!

Tiara is horrible with eating spicy food, which is part of why she idolizes Fia.

Vivi's dream is to make everyone in the entire world smile at least once.

Maia crushes Vivi's dream when she first meets her, as she refuses to smile for her, and tells Vivi that she couldn't possibly make billions of people smile. However, in the end Maia becomes Vivi's friend, and smiles at her, saying "You're one step closer to your dream now."

Colorine denies ever crying or being emotional. Even though she cries sometimes.

Mimi's nickname is "Meme"

Haneul acts like a puppy, he's just so friendly and funny. Unfortunately he is also the butt of jokes sometimes.

Addison is a gentle giant who doesn't know his own strength. He once picked up a tiger because he mistook it for a giant cat.

Rune knows many languages, often gets them mixed up. Makes bad language puns.

Chiffon is like a walking encyclopedia.

Lumina becomes a different person when she's hungry. She becomes food-obsessed and tends to rage

Vivi gets depressed and frustrated when her joke doesn't make someone laugh.

Vivi can be dramatic when she begs and pleads for people to just laugh at her. She even goes at lengths to embarrass herself just to make people laugh. She even makes a song about it.

Lunette has chuunibyou and wants to be a scary witch

Lunette can cook foods with strange ingredients and a cauldron. Example, a strawberry ice pop made with toilet paper, that doesn't actually have toilet paper in it at all.

Hazel attracts flocks of rabbits to him

Atsu puts pepper on everything.

Fia puts hot sauce on everything

Aya is the salt queen. She puts salt on everything.

Luana's ravenous appetite

Sumi is so stoic, Maia is afraid of her. Meanwhile, Sumi really likes Maia and wants to become friends with her...

Rona's verbose way of speaking and unflappable demeanor. People are always trying to get her to show emotion or to embarrass her. In fact, Rona gets embarrassed very easily.

Rona's somewhat frightening stoic gaze that "distorts the wire around her"

Rona is very ticklish. This is her weakness and is one of the easiest ways to get her to laugh.

Huey is often mysteriously covered in paint blotches

Biscotti can actually sing really well and uses this to serenade Hazel...

Spiders seem to be attracted to Sumi for some reason.

Starla is always wondering some mind-blowing stuff.

Aya is a small angry bean. A small fluffy ball of rage.

Roxy is "ugly and proud", however Aya doesn't like when Roxy says she's ugly

Peaches has an obsession with romance. She wants to be lovey-dovey with Nutmeg.

Joy accidentally baked her homework in a cake. This happens frequently.

Biscotti's bird nose

Sora's capybara obsession

Bianca is the ultimate loser with bad luck, plus people don't seem to like her for no good reason. The type of person who gets rocks for Christmas.

Emi is quite gullible and believes everything she is told

Ame gets words wrong often

People think Brina is a robot. This is not true.

Zircon is super clumsy

Zircon is so selfless and humble that he always forgets himself. When someone calls his name, he sometimes answers "Who's Zircon?"

Pastell writes poetry when she's supposed to do her homework

Pastell doesn't know the meaning of impossible

Imani thinks Mimi is so cute, she wants a plush toy of her

Hazel attracts rabbits

Lime has a crush on PJ, who is quite annoyed by him

Rill becomes emotional when she's hungry

Lucian is a crybaby, and a rainbow always shines through his tears when he cries

Lucian is the sparkling and haughty bishounen

Fia is the sparkling and mysterious bishoujo

Tiara really admires Fia and follows her around

Tiara says "Even Fia's sneezes are beautiful!"

Celestine and Alvarina are the power couple

Aria and Octavia are a comedic pair of teachers

Lumina fangirls over Celestine and Alvarina. She ships them.

Gala breaks into song a lot

Vivi breaks out into song sometimes, and everyone says "Head to the shelter! Vivi is going to sing!"

Setsuna being the odd one out in her family

Setsuna's parents met in the most cliche way possible

Rie's emotional tendencies even though she tries to be tough

Rie's randomness

Nurah is swag girl who likes skateboarding and rad stuff. She looks up to Colorine.

Li Hua can't swim?

Camille really loves swimming pools. Whenever she sees a pool, she has to get in it. In fact, she always wears a swimsuit under her clothes, and goggles as an accessory. Despite this, she is terrified of the actual ocean.

Bianca has no presence?

Bianca has horrible luck, is lonely, and is basically a woobie. Also she's a crybaby.

Jazzy is allergic to trigonometry, camels, bad jokes, and people with low self-esteem.

Roxy's self esteem is so low that Jazzy faints around her

Pastell's jokes are so bad that Jazzy breaks out in spots

Li Hua and Fia are very popular with girls

Li Hua just wants life to be more normal.

Li Hua's diving suit is only for aesthetic

Jin-joo is in love with a mascot on chips

Jin-joo is a graceful swimmer

Doodle is just learning about the world

Rona's trenchcoat and the way she dramatically strips it off

Shigure is excessively accident-prone

Joy somehow gets "drunk" when she drinks soda!

Bonnie has an alter ego named Daphne, who is posh and rather pretentious

Bonnie is over theatrical

Pretentious Mona tries to speak like Rona in an attempt to sound smart

Novella has the weirdest life ever and still thinks it's too normal

Bonnie and Maia are childhood friends

Peaches' bad singing

Maia thinks she's the only normal one, but she's actually not.

Sumi is a talented writer, however her friend Iris is really bad at writing poetry. The only thing Iris can write about is weird things like toilets because she finds it "beautiful".

PJ thinks he's the only "smart" one, but...

Toby is truly the only normal one. He's so normal, people rarely notice him. His attempts to be weirder and stand out more end in disaster.

Kuma is completely random. He falls from the ceiling into the scene at random moments, sometimes when someone mentions him. Everyone wonders how he always does that.

Kuma taught Opal to randomly fall from the ceiling the way he does.

Imani tries to fall from the ceiling like Kuma, but fails.

Unlike the other earnest crushes, Tiara's crush on Fia is very obsessive.

Yuune secretly watches soap operas

Yuune can talk so fast that it short-circuits robots' brains. She's fast in general, seems to possess super speed.

Nova is eccentric. Whenever something happens, she turns it around by making a rap out of it and performing it randomly. Nurah is happy to be her backup singer.

Nova ate her homework in her sleep once...

Kuma is swag boy.

Rune gets her languages mixed up when she's nervous

Gumdrop is always making childish misconceptions, being a little kid with a big imagination and all

Flan is a little girl who can do amazing motorcycle tricks, and rides her motorcycle named Miriam to school.

Hexagon is everyone's senpai

Imani's art is so bad that it gives people nightmares

Nobody suspects it, but Jin-joo doesn't get good grades. In fact, Imani's are better

Scalene and Isogon are the overly dramatic couple

Musette is very obsessed with Whim

Shigure and Alvarina have "shy people powers"

Maia has tsundere powers

Joy has "powers of awkwardness"

Shigure is rather slow, opposite of Yuune. It takes him forever to get jokes. He sometimes suddenly gets them an entire season later, and laughs randomly.

Yuune can laugh at a joke before it's even finished.

Pollyanna is always exaggerating everything

Roy denies ever crying or being emotional

The animals think humans are weird to fall in love

Drizzle is always sleepy

Vivi's hamster is a secret agent who takes on the bullies at school without being seen

Villains are very quirky

Grayscale is 4'11" and very tsundere

Stormy is very self obsessed, and jealous of the "perfect" Mary-Sue.

Mary-Sue has seemingly no flaws... except she's yandere and greedy.

Mary-Sue is good at so many things that it's a running gag.

[geeks-fics]

MQKA Chapter 1

An irondad/batfam crossover fic

AO3 link

(Do not tag as s*arker or bat*est)

Tony chuckles and swings an arm around Peter's shoulders. They were out celebrating the end of Peter's sophomore year with burgers and milkshakes. Sure Peter was a genius and it wasn't a surprise he made straight A's, but Tony knew how it felt to not have that acknowledged. So since May was away at a two-week nursing seminar and Peter was staying with him, Tony had taken it upon himself to celebrate with the kid. They were originally meant to eat out at some new sushi place, but Pepper had to cancel last minute, so Tony and Peter had exchanged one look before happily changing out of their dress clothes. Tony had gone with his classic sunglasses combined with a hippie type beanie he had bought just to embarrass Peter as a disguise.

They had taken the subway to Peter's neighborhood and Tony had let the teen drag him everywhere before they finally stopped for food. At the moment they were leisurely making their way back to the tower for Mario Kart.

"I'm serious Mr. Stark, there is no way you can beat me. With my extra experience and Spidey Sense-"

"I still like Peter Tingle more."

Peter glares at Tony and he smirks back.

"I just think we should play something more fit for you."

"Oh like what?"

"Like Wii golf." Peter smirks.

"Wow I am-"

Suddenly a red glowing light bursts to life in front of them. Immediately the hole begins to pull and tug them towards it. Tony taps his chest and pushes Peter behind him. He hears the tell-tale sound of a web being shot and barely has time to see it whip around and away from its trajectory, towards the portal before he's sucked into it himself and the world goes black.                                                      

                                                                                                          ________________

"Grayson!"

Dick groans and pulls his plush blanket over his head.

"Richard!"

He groans again.

"Richard! If you do not get up within the next five minutes I will refuse to watch any more insipid cartoons with you for the next week!"

Dami's quiet steps sound as he walks  away from Dick's door.

Is that worth getting out of his warm cloud for? Really? They could just watch more next week.

Except the next movie was a sequel, and in Dami's own little way he had expressed… anticipation for the next one. And with the crazy lives everyone around here led Dick was happy to get his littlest brother interested in something age appropriate.

Fine.

Dick drags himself out of bed legs first and picks a blue shirt out of his dresser to go with his sweatpants then heads downstairs to the kitchen. Alfred's idea to keep a few outfits at the manor was really paying off, just a couple of months ago he had been forced to borrow one of Bruce's shirts after an impromptu stay over.

Even if Dami isn't in the kitchen grabbing some coffee would probably be a good idea. Despite Damian's seemingly uncaring attitude he wouldn't have woken Dick up on the only morning he allowed himself to sleep in on without good reason, it would be a good idea to be alert.

Pushing the door open reveals Damian sitting at the kitchen table speaking with Alfred. Dick can get coffee and talk to Dami. Good.

He purposely scuffs his feet against the floor causing the youngest bat kid to turn in his chair and look at his brother. His eyes soften around the corners and his mouth twitches, obviously relieved Dick had gotten up. Dick grins in return, sleepily ruffling his brother's hair on the way to the coffee machine. He smiles at Alfred too, as he pours equal parts creamer and coffee into an oversized Batman mug.

"Good morning Master Richard."

"M-" Dick clears his throat, "Morning Alfie."

He takes his mug to seat across from Damian. The fact that not one of his other family members are at the table speaks volumes about what an early hour on a Sunday this is. Saturday nights are always some of the heaviest for crime so the Family had almost always allowed themselves to sleep in the morning after. Even when Dick was Robin he and Bruce never did anything more strenuous than watch T.V. before twelve on Sundays. It felt very wrong to be up at, (what is the time? The clock says a little after eight),  eight on a Saturday.

Dick looks at the kid in front of him, his face impassive, only something that he did when anxious lately, and hands tightly clasp.

Dick takes a long sip of his coffee then asks "Alright Dami, what was so urgent?"

Damian's face twitches a little. "Todd called."

Well that was unexpected. Jason rarely called, preferring to just show up unannounced. And considering they had just spoken the night before he must have had some kind of news to share with the family. Though none of that explained why Damian had been the one to pick up the call. Dami doesn't elaborate. Dick arches an eyebrow in a way reminiscent of their shared parent.

Damian sighs. "I was on way way back from using the facilities when the house phone rang. As such I decided to answer it."

Well if it was the house phone than it probably wasn't the most urgent thing. Dick relaxes a little and opens his mouth to say so, but Damian cuts him off. "Todd said he had first tried to contact everyone's comms, even Drake's, before calling the manor."

"Oh."

"Yes."

Dick waits, but Damian doesn't volunteer any more information. Dick lets out an exasperated breath and prompts "And?"

Damian's eyes narrow. "And what?" he snaps. Dick is used to his littlest brother's prickly attitude after four years of knowing him, so he simply rolls his eyes before elaborating, "What did Jay want?"

"He said he wouldn't tell me while I was alone. As if I am some pathetic child, I could easily dismember-"

"Ah, ok. Let's not go there, I'm sure Jay had a perfectly acceptable reason not to tell you."

Or he was just an a**. But Dick wasn't going to tell Damian that, considering that would undermine his efforts to get him to accept his other brothers. And probably make Alfred withhold anymore coffee creamer.

"Did he say anything else?"

"Just that I should wake either you or Father and bring you to the Batcave before nine."

That's not creepy at all Jason. Nope, completely normal request. Totally. Also should Dick be flattered or concerned that Damian chose to wake him up instead of Bruce. Or maybe he knew more about the nature of Jason's message than he was letting on and simply knew that Dick was less likely to bench him.

"Well see, it's not as if he's completely excluding you. Knowing Jason it's probably just some stupid prank or something. It'll be fine Lil'D."

Damian looks skeptical but relents anyway, turning his attention to the newly arrived Alfred. The cat, not their adoptive grandfather. Dick finishes off his coffee and announces that he'll meet Damian in the cave after he changes into some more presentable civvies.

"I would remember to bring a mask Master Richard, you never know with Master Jason," Alfred's lips quirk a little.

Dick laughs. "You're right Alfred, for all we know Jay has brought home another orphan, or worse. Thank you for reminding me. You should probably bring one too Dami."

"-Tt-"

                                                                                                                _____________

"It seems that your guess was not too far off Grayson," Damian deadpans, still looking at the two limp bodies stuffed into the back of Jason's car. Or the car he stole from Bruce about six months after he started associating with them again, not that anyone cared anymore.

"Dickiebird! I thought we were past automatically grouping me in with violence," Jason grins sharply. He knew they were past that, if it had ever truly been a problem any way. But… He did have two bodies in his backseat so…..

"To be fair Jaybird I said orphan not….. whatever they are." Dick glances back down at Jason's back seat. "Ok, give us the story. Watch their parents die? Find 'em stealing your tires?" Dick smirks at his little brother's scowl, he obviously didn't like the comparison.

"Todd obviously didn't mean to find these ruffians Grayson," Damian puts in smirking, "Of course, neither did Father."

Jason scowl deepens, but the light in his eyes let's Dick know that both of his brothers knew the other was teasing. He grins as Jason snarls back with a "Shut up demon spawn, at least we weren't assassin babies. And one if these guys are as old as Bruce, and the other one is probably as old as Tim is."

"Well-"

"Ok baby bros, you can do this again later. For now, Jason, where did you find them? And why are they dressed like that?"

The first figure was dressed mostly normal, in a blue hoodie and jeans. The only oddity was the guy's socks, they were visible where one shoe was missing and they seemingly spread upwards as far as the bats could see, and were red with black lines running across them. The guy was obviously a teen, his brown hair framing a face still holding onto the last remnants of childhood.

It was really the second man who concerned Dick, if he was really a man. He seemed to be mostly encased in a shell of red and yellow armor, only his right hand and half of his face was visible. A cyborg maybe?

Jason gives a huff at the questioning but shifts his focus from Damian to Dick. He smirks knowingly, "I don't why they're dressed up like that, but I assumed that you bats wouldn't like it if I saw a couple of random tin men drop out of a portal while I was on patrol and didn't report it."

Dick's eyebrows shoot up and even Damian's face morphs into something resembling shock before he covers it up with a scowl. "You can't honestly expect us to believe that Todd."

"It definitely wouldn't be the weirdest thing to happen in Gotham lil'D,  and Jason is usually honest."

"Exactly, plus why would I go through the trouble of kidnapping a couple of civvies and dressing them like Comic-Con just to fool you dickheads."

Dami scowls but otherwise doesn't protest anymore.

"Is there anything else we should know? Dick glances up from the limp figures to lock eyes with his brother.

"Nope. They fell out of a portal. I saw them. I called mini bat. I brought them here."

Dick runs a hand through his hair and exhales. "Sooooo, any ideas?"

"Wait for them to awake," Damian suggests.

"Unarm them," Dick can't tell if Jason is serious or not.

"Both good points, but we don't know how long it'll be until they wake up or what they are actually carrying. So I think the right course of action would be to wake up B and transfer them to the infirmary," Dick puts on his 'you should definitely agree with me face'.

Damian nods, and Jason sighs adding, "As long as you're the one who goes to wake up B, I don't want to deal with that mood."

"Todd is right Richard, we will situate the prisoners onto the cots," Damian agrees, showing little sympathy for his favorite brother.

Dick cringes and nods, turning his back on his brothers and climbing the stairs back to the manor.

                                                                                                                ____________

Dick wisely grabs a travel mug of Bruce's favorite coffee from Alfred before traversing the staircase up to his dad's room. On the way he briefly considers waking up Tim too, but the knowledge that the teen is actually asleep for once holds him back, if Bruce wants to alert the rest of the family they will, but not until then.

He braces himself as he quietly pushes open Bruce's door and pads inside. Dick has found that over the years Bruce has built up some sort of unconscious family awareness, not automatically waking up like he would with any stranger. This is both a good thing and a bad thing. On one hand Dick couldn't count the times he had gotten away with things just because Bruce didn't wake up, on the other hand all the family members had the extra honor of dealing with the bleary eyed mess that was a Batman that wasn't abruptly woken into fighting mode.

Bruce is sprawled in a very un-batman position, his comforter is twisted around his legs and Dick can barely see the Superman socks Dick got him for his last birthday peeking out from under the covers. The only thing keeping the image from looking like a teenager collapsed after a night of partying is the lack of drool. Even Bruce's black hair is tousled in a way reminiscent of Tim before his first coffee.

Grinning fondly, Dick places the coffee mug on a side table and reaches out to lightly shake Bruce's shoulder. "Bruce, B,  wake up." The man grumbles and shoves his head farther down into the mattress. Dick’s grin stretches further and he sits down on the edge of the bed still shaking his father's shoulder. "C'mon Dad, get up."

Bruce finally rolls over and cracks his eyes open, holding that slightly stunned look he always has when Dick calls him Dad, no matter how many times he does it. Dick knows it's because of all the crappy mistakes Bruce made when Dick was a teen, he also knows that they generally worked past those quickly, but Bruce still beat himself up about a lot of them. Bruce clears his throat and responds with a "Good morning chum."

Dick's grin softens a little and he passes him the coffee. Bruce sits up against the headboard, yawning and rubbing at his forehead. He accepts the mug with a quiet "thank you" and takes a few gulps before placing it to the side and focusing on Dick. He raises a sardonic eyebrow as if to say 'Why am I awake before ten on a Sunday?'

Dick's face becomes a little more serious. "Jason called the manor around six this morning." Bruce's face sobers, Batman slowly creeping in to his expression. "He found two guys being thrown out of a portal on one of his patrol routes. Damian was actually the one to answer the phone and wake me up, he's in the cave helping Jason get the portal guys onto cots."

Bruce nods sharply scooting off the bed. "They could be dangerous, it's probably best to restrain them in the holding cell until we can get a read on them. We should all at least have masks on, if not full costumes. Is Jason certain it was a portal?” Bruce heads to where Dick knows a Batman suit is stashed, he sighs and hangs his head. If Bruce is wearing his uniform they all probably should.

“He said it was definitely a portal and that they were unconscious when they came through. We should expect major disorientation and confusion.” Dick scrunches his nose. “And based on my own portal experiences, maybe some puking. I’m gonna go suit up, you should head  down and get Dami to put on a mask. I'll see you down there."

Bruce grunts in the affirmative as Dick leaves the room to go suit up.

[chronicbatfictioner]

A Real Boy - Chapter 8

It took the whole night, as Bruce mentioned, to explain the whole nine yards of their activities to Tim. The whole activity of battling magickal people and creature out to create disturbances - or simply acts of crime that would have garnered unwelcome attention to those with Magickal aptitude.

The research and explaining activities eventually concluded by a lavish dinner that Tim was sure would have required a good sized magickal aptitude to prepare and present and Alfred adamantly stated that he did not use magick to prepare said dinner. By the time they finished dinner, the clock showed 10 p.m., and Tim was seriously ready to curl up in one of the cozy couches and sleep. It was only his sheer stubbornness that kept denying that Bruce would have been right in saying he was in no shape to drive back home.

Jason, however, was not having any of his stubbornness. "Alfred has prepared a bedroom, this is the Wayne Manor that has more security than Fort Knox - literally and magickally; there are more food than I have ever seen in your fridge in the past week. Plus there's a library." he pointed the last one out decisively.

"You may stay here if you want..." Tim grumbled.

"We still haven't figured out how to defeat the Untitled." Jason insisted.

"My eyes refused to comprehend letters anymore. Even if we - I - chose to stay the night, I just simply don't English anymore." Tim retorted.

"I'll try not to summon the demon into your head while I read Latin stuff, no English needed."

"I'm... tremendously amused at the sight of Tim arguing with his familiar, and can't decide if I'm more amused at the argument, or at the fact that the familiar is winning." Dick stated.

"You argued with Zitka all the time, Dick; we just don't hear her answers... That, I can tell you both, is even more entertaining." Barbara quipped. "If you still wish to go home, Dick and I can take you; but I suppose leaving your car here would be a problem..."

"Yeah, it is." Tim pouted. Leaving the car would mean he would have no other mode of transportation to get it back. And since the Wayne Manor ground was out of the public transport lines, he simply didn't want to think of the few miles of walking that he would need to take when he should come back and retrieve his car.

"We don't generally go in and out solo, around here." Barbara added. "Day time, I'd go on my own, it's okay. Night time, especially since I hold the tiara and has no magick within me, I'd rather not risk it."

"The... dark side of the supernaturals don't tend to do well under the sun." Jason explained.

"So the lore did come from facts, after all." Bruce mused. Jason turned and looked at him contemplatively.

"All lores came from facts and truths, Bruce. It's just the matter of who's telling them and how many embellishments they would put into it." he remarked. "Even the story of Pinocchio." he added, smirking a little ruefully.

"Ah yes, Conner Kent; Clark's effigy." Bruce commented idly, and Tim glared warningly at Jason.

"Ugh, don't fret, Timmers. He already knew of your little band of misfits. I didn't say anything." Jason quipped, and then stretched like a cat across the couch he and Tim were sitting on.

"We're not misfits!" Tim protested. "--and you just did say something!" he snapped at Jason.

"No, you're not," Dick interjected. "But you forgot that your friends were relatives or wards of our friends, too..."

Tim groaned, remembering that while his friends - 'band of misfits' as Jason called them - had gotten together on their own as 'orphans', not all of them were literal orphans. Like Cassie, who actually shared the same father as Diana Prince a.k.a. Wonder Woman and Donna Troy. The former was known to have made allies with Bruce and Clark and a team called 'Justice League', while the latter was Dick's best friend and had made a team called 'Titans'. Bart Allen might have come from the future, but he was a direct descendant of Barry Allen - who had been in said team prior to his death. Conner, in all obviousness, has connections to Clark and live in Clark's parents' home in Kansas. Rachel, while never had a connection to Bruce, was a member of Dick's previous team before she decided that those in Titans were 'too old' for her 16-year-old self.

"Thanks, Jason, just like Conner had asked us not to do..." Tim groused under his breath.

"I personally was hoping that your coming here was an excuse to form alliance with us," Bruce said. Tim glared at him dubiously.

"We're not... we didn't do anything harmful." he said, hedging. "And no, that's not why I came. I came to let you know of Jason's warning."

"Not help us fight it, then?" Dick asked softly. "Your team has some of the most powerful magi in it, why not help us?"

"You cannot force them, Dick..." Barbara replied. "They need to make the decision for themselves - they're not sidekicks, like you were."

"Being a sidekick taught me a lot, Babs," Dick told her.

"Not being a sidekick also taught me a lot, Dick; and at the end of the day, I can manage fine on my own, yet chose to pick the bigger picture as I see fit." she reminded. "Don't let them bully you into doing anything you don't want to do, Tim. Not even if the bullying came from Jason." she added, glaring at Jason, who shrugged nonchalantly.

"Hey, I'm only bullying him to stay the night so I can peruse the library." Jason offered. "I promise. That's all I wanted." he added when Tim directed what should have been a very effective death glare at him. Hey, said death-glare would have made Conner shriek in horror. Only on Jason, it seemed to be kind of useless. Tim wondered if his glare was defective, or if Jason felt like he was simply looking into a mirror when Tim glared at him.

After about three seconds of glare-off, Tim finally conceded. "Fine, we'll stay the night." Jason beamed. "But just this night. Tomorrow we get out of here at the crack of dawn, or I'm leaving you here!" he threatened. Jason's growled in indignation - Jason was not allowed to leave his Magi behind, but the Magi can make the familiar stay in one place, away from him.

Tim ignored him and turned to face Bruce. "As for my... friends, I can't and won't decide anything on their behalf. I will need to speak to them first and foremost, and that's not gonna happen until this weekend."

Bruce nodded slowly. "I understand."

"Wait, I'm not done. Whatever it is you think we're doing, we're not heroes, alright. We're just kids. We just needed a place that... where we can hang out and maybe help each other with our own problems; you know. We don't need... more problems." he asserted.

Bruce nodded again. "I understand," he repeated. "but I would prefer that you - of all people, considering that it was your familiar who brought in the news - know in advance of what you could be facing and how to face it. Jason might be able to show you books that show possible forms of threats; but you will need to know how to resolve them with the modern world in mind. You simply cannot barge in - no matter how strong you are - without considering other people." was the added warning.

"Oh, I know all about cellphone cams and CCTVs..." Tim started.

"What about the general public? The opinionated ones?" Dick asked. "The ones who talked about a bunch of kids who seemed like they're going to blow up that Drake Islet or make concoctions that would poison the entire Pacific?"

"They're just..." Tim froze. "How did you know of... he's just a jealous little wannabe magi who's not even a homo magi. I mean, he was like, a magician - the rabbit-out-of-a-hat kind of magician. He's..." he sighed. "You folks already know all these, don't you?" he concluded.

"Yes, I have some bots that would change the context of an online mention of you to something... well, more 'teen' activities than 'magi' activities. If things exploded, I'd change it to an experiment gone haywire - not demons being driven back to hell." Barbara admitted. "But if you want me to stop, I will."

"I think you can only ask her to stop when you're a legal adult." Dick told him. "But considering the things he'd said about you and your band of teenage alleged-'misfits', quote-unquote, you'll need to be more careful if you're to appear in public. I know how unpredictable the West Coast could be at times, but..." he shrugged. "...yeah, more careful is all I can say for now."

Tim inhaled slowly and exhaled just as slowly. If anyone asked, he would say he trusted Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson, and Barbara Gordon with his life - even before knowing that they had worked with his mom. But there were others he should put into consideration, i.e. his friends.

But then again, there were times where he had hoped he'd known what to do when an emergency should arise. Barbara was right, there were times where he and his friends had needed to appear within the city of San Francisco itself and show their magickal strength to repel things - usually small-timed demons - and make them go back to the hell they came from. Thus far, Tim and Rachel was able to keep cameras and the likes from capturing them - using a lot of reflective surfaces and Rachel's deep-black 'soul self', an astral projection of her soul.

But a few months ago, they had met a guy - probably about a few years older than Tim, who had accidentally unleashed some dark magick due to his ignorance of spells and hexes. Tim couldn't resist berating the guy's ears off, after they managed to contain the darkness. Since then, the guy seemed adamant to discredit them by all means. His photos - obviously - were wrecked and not view-able, but didn't stop him from reiterating the whole event in great detail.

Tim knew that if a non-magi should see the Photogram or Mugbuddy story, they might simply say the guy, Lonnie Machin, has a great skill for storytelling and cute imagination. But a magi who was up-to-date to the world of magick would have seen through the flowery description and noticed what was happening right away.

"I can't promise much," Tim finally decided, realizing that while the demons or random dark magick were virtually 'easy' to handle, it took all of their concentration and metaphorical firepower to handle those and keep themselves hidden from plain sight. The offer of alliance with one of the most powerful team of Magi in the world sounded incredibly enticing, yet a bit worrying. "I'll talk to my friends, and I'll try to present this idea as... unbiased as possible. I don't like the idea of you being... I mean, they don't know you and all. And you're all adults." he reasoned.

"That's fair. You don't want us to influence you too much that you'd lose your own independence and identity," Barbara elaborated. "He's got a point, Bruce," she continued. "They should figure it out as a team, not just because it's demanded of them. They may be young... but we've had this conversation before."

Bruce exhaled slowly, and eventually said, "alright. I shall trust your team's judgment, whatever they decide - whether or not they would ally themselves with JL. But I trust you that we shall never be foes, yes?"

"Yeeeah, as much as Jason said I don't have a sense of self-preservation, I'm not nuts enough to make enemies out of the most powerful team of Magis in the world." Tim rolled his eyes. "Besides, my mom trusted you with a lot of artifacts - oh yes, Bruce, I noticed the door knocker, some hinges, vases, ornaments that should've been placed in a museum. I wasn't sure at first, until I saw the tiara. I presumed she'd given you some of those..."

"...some, yes. Some I've acquired, really. I paid for the digs." Bruce smirked. His sigh brought on a wistfulness to his face that caught Tim a little off-guard. "Jan was... the best, Tim. I am honored to have known her. Her... insistence on doing the right thing could be unnerving at times. But she was more than just a worthy ally. She was a friend."

Tim nodded slowly. But he has made up his mind; he would not 'sell' the alliance, but rather present it to the gang as an opportunity to learn and grow.

His mind and brain, too, has made up something else. Before he realized it, he yawned wide.

"Oh dear," Alfred remarked. "for all of his magickal strength, gentlemen, Miss Gordon, young Master Drake here is still a young 'un, I perceive." he said. "Your chamber is ready, Master Tim, if you wish to turn in now." he offered.

"Yeah, I guess... I guess I will." Tim admitted. "Bruce, Dick, Barbara... thank you... at least for letting me know that my mom was-- wasn't..." he stopped as the lump in his throat started to make it impossible to speak without actually sobbing.

"Tim, it's we who should thank you, and she." Barbara replied, rolling closer to him and tugged his shirt sleeves. As he bent over, she placed a gentle kiss on his temple. "Sleep well, buddy. I'll stay in touch."

Tim just nodded, he couldn't find the words to say when Bruce squeezed his shoulder and Dick ruffled his hair. He definitely welcomed Jason's arm wrapping around his shoulders as Jason begged to be excused and steered him to follow Alfred.

It was only after he'd brushed his teeth and changed to a set of pajamas - his size, which is not too surprising considering Alfred; that he slumped onto the bed and wept. For the mother he had never known; for the hero who had protected more than just her son and husband; for the soul of Janet Drake, that should be set free, if Tim could find it in him to actually forget her.

Jason kept quiet and wrapped his arms around Tim in an embrace as he cried, until he fell asleep.