#sense of identity that he clings to desperately

[springlucked]

hihi!! i just wanna say i absolutely love your fics and they're everything to me

i was wondering!!! in dearly detested, we know dave realized he was trans after henry found him, right? or at least that's what henry implies. did henry choose "william" for him, and dave changed it after he found out it was henry's son's name? or did dave choose "william" at first but changed his mind? either way, i know henry refuses to use his current name.

first, thank you!!

In my mind, when he’s first found by Henry (“…a pathetic girl on the streets…”), pre transition and all, he chooses William as a name for himself. Probably because it sounds all nice and professional.. (Perfect for a circus! Henry will love it!)

And then Henry takes him under his wing, and he takes on the guise of being the best ally ever. Helping him transition, calling him by his chosen name.

Dave starts going by, well, Dave when he finds out about Henry’s dead son, because he’s desperate to be loved by him in that same way.

Henry refuses to call him by this name to really twist the knife and remind him that he’ll never be the ‘real’ Dave as much as he tries. Ow!

In a way… it’s poetic that Dave keeps changing his identity to please Henry. Even if Henry doesn’t even call him by that name, he keeps clinging to an idealized image of the son he wants to be seen as.

In the same vein, it’s interesting how he ‘chooses’ a name for Jack (Old Sport) as a way to keep some sense of control with the people he does love.

Ouch !! But awesome question !!!

[asmo-cosmetics]

sorry i'm just thinking about how hilarious it is that the arcana, a game that is meant to be set in a universe free of transphobia, somehow accidentally created a character with all the hallmarks of a trans guy with eldest daughter syndrome (lucio morgasson)

[a-cat-in-toffee]

I'm gonna talk about davesprite for a few paragraphs

He spent four months in a doomed timeline knowing two of his friends were dead, using the “training” Bro gave him, being haunted by Calsprite. When he had to travel back in time to  save his best friend's life, he had to prototype himself and turn into a sprite, and then instantly got hit with not being the “real Dave” anymore. He actually, in contrast with later pages, denies being not the “real Dave” saying that he’s “more real actually cause [he’s] been through some heavy shit already hopping around on red hot gears and i-beams for like a year and grinding shit out for [John’s] ungrateful ass.” (Hussie 1692)

After that he went to find Bro, fought Jack Noir with him, and watched Bro die in front of him. As far as Davesprite was aware, all Bro ever did was make sure he was prepared for the game because he needed everything he “learned” from Bro. It would probably never occur to him that all the strife he did growing up was even a little bad because in the end in his  mind he wouldn’t have been able to save his friends without it. It wouldn’t matter to him that John never had anything like that and made it through the game, because Davesprite’s John fucking died. Same thing with all of his friends.

And then, after all of that, he ends up on the Prospitian battleship for three years with Jade and John, who treat him like a fake Dave. The replacement Dave for their actual friend. Even if John initially sees Davesprite as just “a magical orange dave with wings.” (Hussie 4732) we can see how being a “fake” Dave wears on Davesprite, especially in some of his later dialogue.

Davesprite is used to being forgotten (Page 4343, 7875) and doesn’t see himself as a real Dave (which he states multiple, 3927 and 5943) despite clinging on to  his identity as a Dave, referring to himself as “bird dave” in his monologue to John’s sleeping body on 5943. Actually the entirety of that monologue shows us a lot about Davesprite’s mental state and sense of identity by the end of the boat trip. He considers himself lesser for being “bird Dave,” and is convinced that isolating himself and leaving all of his friends to the “real” Dave is the best course of action.

Davesprite is a traumatized teenager who never had a chance to grow, who was repeatedly told he wasn’t the “real” version of himself, and had to deal with the weight of an entire doomed timeline on his own. He’s stuck in a body that isn't his, with friends that aren't his, in a timeline that isn't his.

[fenkko]

one who had dreams of being a hero

This comic is based on Story 3, which speaks of his hobby of ice fishing originating from the days he'd go out with his father on the ice, 'accompanied by his father's unending tales of adventure,' and dream of being the protagonist.

Nowadays, he keeps up the hobby, though only as a method of training... and it seems he fishes alone.

I thought a lot about fairytales and stories told to children -- how they are used to impart lessons and shape a child's growing sense of morality.

I think these stories were Childe's father telling him what kind of man he hoped his son would become.

In Story 5, 'his father had no choice but to hand his beloved son over for conscription into the Fatui' in an attempt to discipline his temper, but was disappointed when Childe continued ascending the ranks, further and further from the gentle boy he was..

His father named him after the hero Ajax. Is he still disappointed in the path Childe has taken? Does he still see his son in the man he sees before him? Does Childe feel in himself the chasm between who he dreamed of becoming and who he is now?

It's interesting, that fairytales should often have a very strict good/evil morality. Childe professes he has no use for such things, and will gladly become a mindless weapon so long as he can continue honing himself for battle. And yet, has he truly given up on being human?

For a Harbinger, Childe is oddly principled, preferring straightforward battles without deceit. He retains a sort of moral code, reluctant to involve those who are defenseless in his plans.

And of course, he deeply cherishes his family. What sort of weapon has a family? Why does he cling so desperately to this identity as a defender of childhood dreams, of being his sister Tonia's knight?

Perhaps his own dream of being a hero died long ago, but a part of him still recognizes the tragedy of it and maybe... in some way, is still trying.

This is somewhat of a companion piece to my Scara comic "one who has given up on being saved". Childe, unable to live up to his childhood ideals of heroism, and Scara, whose pleas for help went unanswered.

A failed hero, and someone who never had one.

ARGHH yknow it drives me nuts. I haven't known peace since I started thinking about it.

[chaedomi]

𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐃 ✦ btvf

fem!child!reader x ariadne valentine (platonic!yan), violence, abuse, death, unhealthy relationships; unable to witness your death a second time, your sister desperately strives to change your fate, even if it meant ridding of others to prevent it. ꨄ — masterlist

HERE’S A fun fact. Did you know that if you were to encounter a Mermaid, the higher the chances are of encountering a Siren as well? In addition to the creatures viewing each other as family, because of a mermaid’s delicate nature, sirens are naturally possessive of them. They become drunk and hypnotized by a mermaid’s affection, and thus, diligently fulfill a mermaid’s desires to preserve the shine they thrive off of. It’s an interesting tale, to learn the charmers become the charmed. However… if The Mermaid were to ever fall, so will The Siren as their main source of warmth has died. They will descend into madness and become the hostile nature they are known for or even worse, willingly succumb to the hands of death.

In the past, both you and your half-sister, ARIA, led a pitiful life. Throughout your years, your stepmother would force your sister to consume a potion, rendering her speechless, whereas yours will gently hug you, encouraging you to always remain neutral. It was confusing and painful, as it seemed those were the only moments your mothers cared about you both. Your stepmother, quiet as a mouse, and your mother, apathetic as a heart of stone.

During those times, you and Aria were grateful for each other, more so Aria, as she would cling to your tiny body crying and trembling while you tenderly kissed her cheeks and wiped away her tears.

Eventually, the truth came to light when you were the age of five, and your sister, ten. Through the season of spring, your mother passed, inclusive of your stepmother, who apparently went mad and took her own life after hearing of your mother’s death. By eavesdropping on the maids, it was then you both learned of each other’s identities, Aria, a Siren, and you, a Mermaid.

Sirens, gaining the name of the ancient monster, that flowed through your stepmother’s blood, through their songs, they possessed people, treated them, controlled them, and shook their emotions. Mermaids, gaining the name of the mythical creature, that flowed through your mother’s blood, through their tears, they shed milky crystals that held the power to repel a siren’s song. With those tears too, they were capable of granting grand wishes whether great or small, destructive or creative. Despite how dangerous their power was, they were harmless and good-natured.

Twelve years ago, your father had kidnapped a Mermaid and a Siren, presenting them to the world as they were originally known as myth. That Mermaid was your mother, and The Siren, your stepmother.

Your mind was too young to understand the information told and realize how dire the situation was. So, it worried you to see your sister in a constant state of panic and tears every now and then. You had asked her several times for the reason for her grief, but she brushed your concerns off each time, snuggling closer to you. And your worries slowly diminished as well as you returned the hug. Till… it happened one night when your father was unbelievably drunk out of his mind.

It was sudden, you were telling a story to your sister while she clung to you before your father barged inside the room, a wave of hatred visible in his eyes. One thing led to another and your sister was dragged outside the room by the hair. Even though you couldn’t make sense of what was happening, the sword that was tightly grasped in his hand as he took your sister away, was enough for you to spring into action. A silly game of tug-of-war it was, you, screaming your lungs out while you pulled at the hem of your sister’s nightgown, and your father, effortlessly dragging you both, to where he pleased. What it took to stop him, was the perfectly sweet voice of your sister, and the solid gems that fell from your eyes as you wept. He resembled a total madman, reaching toward you both as he cackled about the materials he could possess. You could only cry harder as your sister hugged you, burying your head against her chest.

Your lives were horrific beyond that point. Living the lives of a Mermaid and a Siren, you both were forced to mature quickly, learning and hearing unspeakable things. Becoming caged animals, you were pressured to fulfill the greed of scum. And despite all the abuse you suffered, you continued to push smiling, even when the exhaustion taking a toll on your body became more visible with each passing day.

Such a selfless soul you were too, quick to jump to others' needs instead of yours. Whenever your sister silently wept after a song, you would rub her head in comfort, sweetly hushing her as she lay in your lap. Whenever she was angry, you would squeeze her hands, attempting to calm the brewing storm in her heart. Whenever she felt as though she couldn’t make it, you would kiss her cheek, saying that she has done so well.

She, of course, soaked up every affection you provided. Too occupied wallowing in her sorrows and the comfort she will receive afterward from you, she forgot that you were also affected, dealt with the same ill-treatment, as well as that you had your limitations. So when the day arrived when you had no tears left to cry, her heart shattered.

It was a pitiful sight to witness, your sister in a mess as she cried desperately to you, begging for you to stay. You wished that you could, but the longer your head rested on her lap, and her cold hands held your cheeks, you felt more of your life fade away. So you forced yourself to cry, to shed one more tear, and it fell.

With that tear, you wished, that perhaps in another lifetime, both you and your sister could enjoy your days in endless glee, like free birds soaring in the sky.

As you drew your last breath, your sister too accepted her death, willing to perish alongside you. You were her joy, her motive to continue her days. But, when you left, so did those things. And she sang her last song, calling to whoever could come and console her weeping soul. Even when her savior came and held her in his arms, your sister’s eyes never left your corpse as she continued to sing. Maybe, if she died, she’ll be reunited with you in the depths of hell, unknowing of the white glow that shone by your corpse as she closed her eyes…

…So it came as a great surprise when she reopened her eyes not to hell, but to a lovely floral scent wafting in the air… As it dawned on her that she reverted to her ten-year-old self her head immediately snapped to the spot beside her on the bed, a lump visible under the duvets. With a shaky hand, she slightly tugged it downward… revealing your adorable face.

She almost cried there on the spot, leaning forward to press a kiss against your temple. She remembered that wish you made on your deathbed… could this outcome be a result of your wish being granted? If so, she will not take it for granted. Your father… who ruined both of your lives, she will inflict vengeance on him. She will save you from your fate no matter what it takes.

“MY YOUNG Lady, you seem upset. Is everything alright?” Dana asked, chuckling lightly. Damn right, she’s upset. And no, she’s not alright. Can’t she tell? She was considered to be weak physically, but, god, the sight in front of her filled her with so much rage that she was capable of snapping the spoon in her hand in half.

The maid assigned to you was just doing what she ought to do, heeding your commands. If you tell her to bark like a loyal dog, she will do just that and obey your orders. So, naturally, if you had instructed her to spoon-feed you the food brought to the table, the maid would oblige.

Aria's teeth sunk further into her bottom lip, listening to how you squealed and laughed in glee when the maid gently wiped the crumbs off your face, chuckling along with you. Why were you acting so sweet and loving to someone you just met? She was there longer than that maid ever was, no? She was the only one there for you when you suffered, so rightfully, whatever abnormality or emotion you may feel, she is the only one allowed to witness it.

"What is it you don't like, My Young Lady?" Tearing her eyes off the sight that sickened her greatly, she stared blankly at her caretaker, who contrasted her expression with a beaming smile. She was so focused on the scene that she hadn't realized her body moved on its own, scribbling messily on the piece of paper she used to communicate.

She slowly wrote again. “You don’t like the maid, My Young Lady?” Dana tried to hide her amusement over the situation, albeit terribly, I may add, the fingers pressed against her quivering lips a dead giveaway. “So, that’s why you have that frown… Young Lady, are you perhaps jealous?”

Jealous? The feeling inside her body burns too hot for it to be deciphered as jealousy. What she felt was a pure unspoken rage that could tip over at any given moment. Such anger she felt… was similar to the night she confronted her drunken father after she awoke as a child. In short, she didn’t want this maid to just leave. She wanted her gone. Entirely.

“Hmmm…” Dana frowned at Aria’s discontent. Pinching her chin in thought, she glanced in your direction. “The Other Young Lady does not know how to use cutlery correctly, hence why she always seeks assistance. However… Ah!” Dana snapped her fingers as a thought popped up. “Why don’t you feed The Other Young Lady instead?”

The rate at which Aria immediately perked up was comical. Eyes sparkling like fine jewels, she was practically buzzing in her seat! Satisfied that she made her Young Lady smile, Dana quickly moved to update your maid on the change of plans.

You were very confused when your maid abruptly stood from her chair, big-doe eyes staring when she stood near the doorway with a large smile plastered on her lips. But when your sister approached you, taking the spot the maid sat on to feed you, all questions vanished. You were already glad to see your sister just… there, so, think of the wave of happiness that rushed over you when she wrote she wanted to feed you!

The food served became tastier now that your sister was the one feeding you. And with a full mouth of food and eyes that glimmered in admiration of your sister, you huffed out an ‘I love you’ as best as you could. It was a bit gross to see some bits of food fly out of your mouth, but the warmth that clenched her heart from your genuineness overpowered her disgust. Smiling fondly, she wiped your messy mouth before leaning over to press a loving kiss on your forehead.

Your happiness truly is the source of her own happiness. Keep smiling for her, she will do anything to preserve it and anything for you, her little mermaid.

©chaedomi. please do not modify, edit, copy or reproduce any of the works published.

[lizzy-bonnet]

MASH has so many modes of masculinity. Hawkeye, massive ego, womanizer, very self-consciously non-violent, masking pain through humour. Winchester, whose masculinity is SO, SO bound up in class and wealth. Klinger, serving absolute cunt for several seasons before pivoting to practically being regular army. Hunnicutt, soft masculine but at the same time so route one that some of his biggest crises come when his wife cleans out the gutters by herself and works as a waitress, honestly the guy might as well have been on The Waltons for how traditionally he sees his role in his family.

But Frank such a fascinating study. He's performing masculinity so aggressively but also so poorly that it folds back on itself to become a parody. He doesn't really like his wife, but he isn't brave enough to leave her. He's threatened by his side piece and constantly tries to diminish her. He uses his firearm as a prop to make him feel big. He's the least "manly" character in the cast but he wants manliness more than anyone else. His trauma is hidden in throwaway lines. He's desperately lonely and unable to connect with others because he can't stop being such a wanker. He's petty, he's jealous, he's humourless, he's sour. Margaret eventually dumps him for someone who she thinks can give her the life she wants, and goes on her own journey of character development and when she leaves him behind he spirals instead of trying to find his own identity.

I kind of hate how undignified his ending is but at the same time, once he no longer has Margaret to cling to, what's left for him? Honestly I find him so tragic, he's such a sad little trainwreck. The narrative is often cruel to him, sure, but I also think the masculinity of the period (and still today) was really cruel to someone like Frank who doesn't have a strongly defined sense of himself the way the other men in MASH do. When I used to catch episodes in syndication he was hateable, but streaming half a season in one go just makes me feel sad for him.

[daiziesssart]

a humiliatingly long character analysis of lily evans

Someone sent me an ask that briefly mentioned how misunderstood Lily is, and before I knew it I was typing out this monster. I am. sorry. This is literally just me rambling about her, what I find compelling about her character, and why her character is so often misunderstood.

This is long as hell so I'm putting it under a read more lolol

Part of the reason I like Lily so much (other than my being ginger and projecting onto any redheaded female character I see) is that even though she isn’t explored as much as her other Marauders Era counterparts, we know enough about her to start building the framework for her character. And what I see is a girl who was incredibly interesting, kind, and flawed.

One thing I always think about in regards to Lily is that she was dealt with a pretty unfair hand. As soon as she receives her letter, she’s basically torn between two worlds, both of which have been less than welcome to her. On one hand, we have the muggle world that she’s known all her life, but once she starts integrating into the wizarding world, she likely feels a bit of a disconnect with that world. To twist the knife further, her sister- whom she loved dearly and grew up so close with- starts outwardly resenting her with such unbridled hostility that they likely couldn’t even be in a room alone together without major conflict. 

On the other hand, we have the wizarding world– a world she’s not as familiar with and one she soon learns holds a demographic of people who hate everything she is and would rather see her excommunicated or even dead. And even though finding out you’re a witch/wizard is probably such an exciting and life-changing moment, I can’t help but also take note of the difficulties, especially if you’re the only one in your family with magic. You’re essentially uprooted from the only way of life you’ve known at an already complicated age, and now you have to quickly become acclimated to this new world that you only just found out existed. Not only that, but now you’re suddenly attending a school with classes that are primarily focused on this world of magic (which is still brand new to you), and you have to work extra hard to play catch up in order to do well. Like, that all seems like… a lot for a kid to handle.

And then I remember how young she was when she was thrown into that mess. She was only 11, and kids that age desperately crave any sense of belonging. I mean, that’s something that still holds true for adults, but it’s especially critical for a developing child. So imagine Lily, ages 11-15, struggling to stay afloat in this weird purgatory between these two parts of herself, both of which have been the cause for major and traumatic experiences relating to rejection in her life.

(I say it was the “cause” even though it’s obvious that those things were never her fault at all, but when you’re a young kid navigating the world, the only thing you’re able to process is that the common denominator is you, therefore you’re the one who must shoulder the blame.)

So now we have this tween-teenaged girl who has a dysfunctional relationship with two major parts of identity and probably feels absolutely lost. 

This is why her hesitancy to end her friendship with Snape makes sense to me. Even though by fifth year he’s already well past toeing the line with the dark arts, Lily was willing to overlook some pretty egregious and troubling things in order to maintain the relationship. I kind of interpret that as her way of desperately clinging on to any sense of belonging she has left; her relationship with Petunia has already been poisoned, and now there are people who resent her existence as a witch; if she loses Severus too, what and who else does she have? And what tone does that set for her, if everyone and everything she’s come to hold close to her ends up turning her away?

It’s also important to note that not only is Severus one of her few remaining connections to the muggle world, but he’s also a wizard who grew up in the muggle world; he understands her, and I don’t doubt that he gave her some stability at times when she needed it (her finding out about her being a witch, her having trouble acclimating to the wizarding world, etc).

I see this as being one of her flaws and I can actually appreciate how relatable and realistic it feels. Lily is not a bad person; on the contrary, you’d be hard pressed to find anyone to describe her as such. Not to get all clinical and boring, but the interesting thing about (unhealthy) coping mechanisms is that it can actually be really hard to identify them in your own behavior. Unless you’re in therapy and/or are actively psychoanalyzing yourself, you likely don’t even realize how many of your common behaviors are born from self defense mechanisms put in place by your brain after past events.

To me, it makes sense why she avoided actually confronting the idea that Snape was too far gone. We know that she was aware of the path Severus was taking, but it almost seems like she was still convinced that she could save him, and could possibly steer him back in the right direction. It’s only when she becomes the target of his bigotry that she realizes that the Snape who called her a ‘mudblood’ was not the same Severus who was the one who held her hand and introduced her to this new, exciting world.

In a general sense, yes, it is selfish, to only take a stand when something starts affecting you personally. But I also think it’s important to note that it’s unlikely that this was a conscious decision on Lily’s part. In my eyes, it was easier to delude herself into thinking she still had a chance to save him before it was too late when she was able to separate him from his actions (considering, a lot of the time, she was only hearing about them after the fact, rather than seeing them firsthand). But the elusion is shattered once she sees that the Snape she grew up with– her friend, Severus– is, in fact, the same person who’s out there calling other students slurs, dismissing the malicious use of Dark Magic on others as just “a laugh”. There we see a Lily who is actually revealed to have been somewhat aware of Snape’s involvement with the darker side of magic, and genuinely feels pretty ashamed about her inaction.

Also, this is in no way me being a Snape-anti, and I actually could do an entire separate analysis on his character alone and why I find him so interesting.

Anyways, that moment in SWM is probably somewhat of an epiphany to her. It’s like a dam that’s been broken, and now she’s overwhelmed with the realization of exactly how much she overlooked in order to keep their friendship afloat. And for someone like Lily Evans, someone whom we know is opinionated and unafraid to call others out on their bullshit, that can be hard to swallow and feel pretty mortifying and shameful. And I think this was a huge turning point for her- at that point, she doesn’t have the luxury of avoiding uncomfortable truths anymore and now that she’s getting closer to graduating and being thrown out into the world on the brink of war, this was probably a really sobering discovery.

This is where we don’t have as much info to go off of, and a lot of it is up to interpretation. But we actually have little crumbs to go off of following her graduation and leading up to her death.

One of my favorite little tidbits isn’t in the books, and @seriousbrat's post reminded me about it. Here's the actual entry on Pottermore for anyone who's interested, but I'll summarize: after James and Lily began dating, Lily brings James to meet newly engaged Petunia and Vernon. Everything goes downhill, because Vernon is a smarmy asshole, and James is still pretty immature and can’t help but mess with him (which… fair, I guess). Petunia and Vernon storm out after Petunia letting Lily know that she had no intentions of having her as a bridesmaid, which causes Lily to break down into tears. I mention this because I also think it’s a pretty important aspect of her character; like we’ve seen in her past friendship with Snape, Lily seems more than willing to forgive others most of the time. Petunia is a bit of a complicated character herself, but she was objectively very cruel and unfair to Lily once it became obvious that she was a witch and Petunia was not.

Something that always stands out to me is just how desperate Lily is to earn Petunia’s trust and approval again. Even up until her death, she was more than willing to mend the relationship, were Petunia ever to consider. 

This is a detail about Lily that I feel is misunderstood quite a bit. I’ve seen a lot of instances of her character being reduced to a one-dimensional archetype with little to no complexity. And often, that archetype is “know-it-all, prudish, self righteous bookworm who is also a goody two-shoes with a stick up her ass”. What annoys me is that the reason for this is most definitely the scene in which she blows up at James in SWM for bullying Snape, and hurls quite a few insults at him directly after an extremely devastating and overwhelming situation for her. This frustrates me because we know for a fact that she’s the polar opposite of this archetype I’ve seen her reduced to. 

In actuality, she’s referred to as popular, charming, witty, bright and kind. From flashbacks we also are shown that she’s opinionated, bold, and not afraid to challenge others. With other context, like her interpersonal relationships, we can also see that she’s pretty emotionally driven and wears her heart on her sleeve. 

(I know Remus didn’t mention Lily much in the books, but I really love how he described her in the movies. He tells Harry that the first thing he noticed about him was not his striking resemblance to his father, but his eyes, the same eyes Lily had. He also calls her a “singularly gifted witch” and an “uncommonly kind woman”.

“She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even and perhaps most especially, when that person could not see it in themselves.”

I know there are mixed feelings on whether or not the films count as canon source material, so take it with a grain of salt, but I personally cannot see a world in which Lily and Remus didn’t become close friends.)

Here we have a direct description of what she was like and who she was, corroborated by recounting of memories of her, and yet for some reason, this feels like the thing that is most commonly lost in translation.

I don’t think I can say why I think that is without mentioning the dreaded M word (misogyny- it’s misogyny), but I also don’t want to get too off topic so I’ll be brief: female characters are typically not given the same grace as male characters. When we have an undeveloped male character, he’s awarded the assumption that despite his lack of depth, there still exists a complex and multifaceted character– it’s merely just potential that hasn’t been tapped into. Whereas when we have underdeveloped female characters, they are taken at face value, meaning that not much exists beyond the little information we have of them. They are not presumed to have a life or a story that exists beyond the surface of what we know like male characters are. That’s why I think characters like Regulus, Evan, or Barty (just to name a few) are more popular than Lily, despite being less developed than she is.

(Before anyone gets defensive, no, I don’t think it’s an individual problem that you alone need to be shamed for. I think it’s the result of a deeper issue regarding misogyny in media as a concept; these are things that we’ve all unknowingly internalized and while it’s not our fault, we still have to do the work to deconstruct those learned prejudices.)

What I find really cool about her character is that despite how much she’s been hurt, she’s also still known as one of the most loving, kind, and considerate characters. There were so many times in her life where the love she received was conditional and ripped away from her– and I think that’s what makes her sacrifice even more poignant. She was able to protect her infant son from an extremely powerful dark wizard, wand-less, knowing that her husband was just murdered in cold blood, just from how much love she felt for Harry. Her love was a force of nature on its own, and I just think that’s such an amazing thing about her. 

I know I’m biased, given that she’s one of my favorite characters, but even upon delving into this, I still just find it so incredibly hard to understand how anyone can actively hate her (not indifference, but actual dislike). In my opinion (again, no one is unbiased, and she is a favorite character of mine, but trust me when I say that I’m trying to be objective as possible when I say this), she’s probably one of the most likable characters of the Marauders Era. I think perhaps a lot of people haven’t given her a chance or really taken the time to learn about her character, but it could be a myriad of other reasons that I’ll never understand. 

There's so much more I could say but this is long enough and I will stop myself

Lily Evans, u will always be famous to me

[thejellycat]

I have a lot of feelings about Edwin and his relationship with being gay.

in my head, Edwin knew that he was gay not long after he started attending an all boys school. he also knew that it didn't matter. there was no choice to be made, no decisions to agonize over. he knew what happened to people like him, and he knew that there were expectations of him. so he just kind of... ignored it.

he repressed and ignored and didn't bother to think about it, because what would be the point? why spend time wishing for something that could certainly never happen? why invite that kind of pain in the future when inevitably it came time for him to settle down with some nice girl? so he kept his head down and applied himself to his studies, and that was that.

it's not until Niko makes her comment, casually asking without any hint of judgement if he knew that it was okay to like boys, that he realized that it never occurred to him to stop ignoring it. he'd done such a good job of embedding the notion that it could never matter into himself that even 30-odd years after escaping from Hell he literally never thought to acknowledge this fundamental part of himself.

and then everything with the Cat King and Monty becomes that much more overwhelming because now he is thinking about it, thinking about Charles (wonderful beautiful loyal Charles, and oh those are thoughts he's been having for a while aren't they?) and everything is changing, and they nearly get destroyed several times over, and then Charles literally goes through Hell to save him. and he realizes he's done this whole thing quite backwards, gone and fallen in love with his best friend before he even knows what to make of his feelings. but in that moment that doesn't matter at all because Charles deserves to know just how special he is.

I think Edwin would flounder a bit after that, trying to figure out exactly what this all means for his own perception of himself. he spent all that time after escaping Hell the first time rebuilding his sense of identity only to realize he'd left out this massive piece. he's been clinging desperately to the way he was raised in order to have some kind of foundation so he could build himself back up, but this piece, these feelings don't fit there. how do you even begin to untangle 100 years of trauma and repression and loneliness on top of all the recent changes and losses?

I don't have any kind of conclusion here. I just think he's neat.

[scribere-flores]

Sabo x Reader

~Just as a hypothetical question~

Part 5. Other Parts Word count: 3,8k words Short summary: Reader is preparing her escape, slowly losing it over her confusing feelings. Sabo is in his stalker era. AN: Dear God, I don't know what took over me when writing this. Let me begin with saying I don't condone stalking irl, this is just a silly self-indulgent fic. There is also mentions of a knife at one point, more as a joke, but it's there. Still nothing graphic. Smut will come in the next one, which will also be the last part. Thank you for reading!💕

MDNI 18+

(This man is way too pretty for his own good)

___

Almost three days had passed since Y/N became aware of Sabo’s true identity. And of the real threat he posed to her. He was dangerous, not just because he probably could crush her windpipe with little to no effort.

No, the real reason Sabo was so dangerous was because of his goddamn charm. Always helpful, always making her flustered. Always making her laugh against her will. It was still impossible for her to keep it together when she was near him.

He was playing a sick, sadistic game with her feelings. He wanted to kill her for god sake! And, even though those horrid facts were clear to her, Y/N’s heart still wanted to jump out of her chest every time she saw him.

And that was probably saying more about how messed up she was. Desperately clinging to the first person that ever showed her concern, even though she knew it was fake. Pathetic.

She kept having this one recurring dream. Being alone in a dark room, until the door suddenly opens, and Sabo walks with a smug grin on his face.

He stands behind her, places her wrists behind her back, and then proceeds to let his hands travel all over her body. Cold leather from his gloves caressing her skin as he presses soft kisses down her neck and back.

His movements growing more impatient as he takes a strong grip around her hair, pulling her against him. Then, just before the dream ends, his other hand snakes around her neck, cutting the air from entering her lungs.

And it excites her! Y/N always wakes up feeling hot and tingly after that dream, which means that something must be seriously wrong with her.

The man wants to kill her and she gets excited by the thought of him choking her?! That can’t be normal, it just can’t.

Besides her internal crises that she still had the hots for her future potential murderer, everything else was going as planned. 

After spending a half-day crying over the fact that the handsome, cruel man had tricked her just for his own pleasure, Y/N finally pulled herself together and started planning her escape. She was not willingly staying in this cursed base just to later be dragged to the execution stand.

So she had made a list, things she needed to secure her safety once she left. All the things she had spent the last few days gathering. Things that now were securely kept in a bag in her closet. 

She had also visited the small library more than once, reading every book on wilderness survival she could find. Memorizing pictures of what plants were safe to eat and which ones she should avoid. It wouldn’t exactly be ideal if she ran away from torture and her own murder, just to then die of food poisoning.

Y/N had done all these things, and she was painfully aware of the fact that she had been watched. 

Sabo was always near, following her like some curious cat, trying to figure out what the mouse he was hunting was doing. She was the mouse in this scenario, and it was starting to get on her last nerve. 

He looked amused the entire time too, huge grin on his face, probably getting some twisted sense of pleasure from watching her from afar. It was annoying, and Y/N was pretty sure stalking counted as a crime. But so was trying to overthrow the World Government, so Sabo might just not care that he was breaking the law.

It didn’t matter anyways, she had already gathered everything she needed and her planned escape was happening tomorrow.

She was currently pacing back and forth in her room, trying to figure out if she had forgotten about something. 

Who was she kidding, she most definitely had.

She hadn’t stepped foot outside the castle gates her entire life before two weeks ago, and now she was planning to survive out in the wilderness all by herself. It was a recipe for disaster.

But if the choice was between dying of hypothermia in freedom, or in the hands of the Revolutionary Army and her handsome tormentor, Y/N would choose freezing cold freedom everyday of the week.

Suddenly, her dark thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

“Jane Doe, you in there?” An obnoxious, honey-sweet voice could be heard on the other side.

Hate that stupid nickname.

He seriously needed to stop doing this. For the last couple of mornings, at the same time everyday, Sabo had knocked on her door, asking if she was there.

And Y/N never answered, pretending that she wasn’t in the room. He usually stayed outside for a few minutes before he left, which was probably going to be the case today too.

She heard Sabo let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know if you’re there, but I’m coming in.” He stated, like he wasn’t about to invade the last personal space she had at this godforsaken base.

Goddamnit… She had locked the door, right?  

No, this wasn’t the time to take any chances, she needed to hide. Who knew what god awful thing he would do to her if he found her.

Y/N quickly scanned the room for a hiding spot. Under the bed was too obvious, even she knew that. As her eyes landed on the small built-in closet, she heard the doorknob starting to turn. She didn’t have the time to be picky, she needed to hide, now!

Just as she had slid the closet shut, the bedroom door flew open. The small wooden planks of the closet door barely gave her any vision of the room, but the gap was wide enough to see Sabo mindlessly walk in. Not a care in the world, like he belonged in there.

‘He wishes.’ Y/N thought as she rolled her eyes.

Then she noticed that he was looking at the closet, straight at her, with a serious look that spelled nothing but trouble. She could swear that her heart was trying to crack her ribcage open by how hard it was beating.

She put her hands over her mouth, careful to not make a sound, as Sabo’s eyes lingered on her hiding spot for a few more seconds. Then an amused grin spread over his face, before he turned around and started to look around her room.

Dear God, that had been a close call.

“Are you hiding from me, Angel?” Sabo chuckled, bending down to look under the bed.

Since his blatant fake confession he had called her that from time to time. Some new way to play tricks on her mind for sure. And Y/N always berated herself when she heard it, because it made her stupid heart flutter every time.

Seriously, what was wrong with her?

Besides studying up on how to survive on her own, she had read a few books on psychology during her visits to the library. In those she had learned about this thing called *Stockholm Syndrome*, basically when a captive believes they are in love with their capturer. 

And Y/N had let out a sigh of relief when she read that. It explained every warm feeling she had for the man that she was 95% sure wanted to chop her head off in front of a crowd. The other 5%, well… that was the dumb sliver of hope that still lingered in the back of her mind. 

A sliver of hope that she consciously ignored. She wasn’t in her right mind, she had been manipulated by that handsome devil, and the strange thoughts she had about him couldn’t be trusted.

She had to stick to what she knew, and that was that Revolutionaries hated Nobles with a burning passion. At least, that had to be the case when the revolutionary in question was their Second in Command.

The closet walls were starting to feel cramped as she continued to watch Sabo mindlessly prance around her bedroom. He picked up her pillow, brought it to his face and let out a low groan as he took a deep inhale through his nose, making Y/N really question the man’s sanity. Was he trying to memorize her scent in case he had to hunt her down? 

What was he? A goddamn bloodhound or something?

She let out a quiet scoff when he put the pillow back, seeing a satisfied look on his face. She shouldn't have done that.

His eyes zeroed in on her again, a wicked smile spreading over his lips, making Y/N forget how to breathe. 

A shiver went down her spine as she watched Sabo move closer, stopping right outside the closet. He was so close she could feel him towering over her through the door. 

“Are you in here, Angel? Please answer if you are.” 

Dear God, please don’t open it.

Someone was apparently listening to her prayer, since he abruptly turned around, when Y/N was just seconds from passing out due to the lack of air in her lungs.

“Bummer, guess she’s not here then.” Sabo said in a monotone voice, putting his hand to his cheek in a dramatic manner.

He started to walk towards the door. She couldn’t believe it, she was actually going to get through this without being found.

Then, Sabo stopped in the middle of his step, right as he walked by her dresser. He carefully opened the top draw, which wasn’t good. That wasn’t good at all.

“Hmm… I might as well since I’m already here.” He snickered as he took something out and stuffed it in his pocket, quickly leaving the room right after.

As soon as the bedroom door closed, Y/N fell out of the closet and landed on the floor. Too shocked from what she just had witnessed.

“Did- did he just steal my underwear?” She whispered to herself, as she felt a warm flush spread over her face.

Was Sabo a pervert?

Because that would explain sooo much. She laid on the floor, pondering on her theory for a few moments, before she rolled over on her back and let out a weird, nervous laugh.

“Yes, definitely a pervert… Just gonna add that to the list of reasons why he needs to be avoided at all cost.” Y/N concluded, questioning how she had gotten herself in this situation to begin with.

___

So fucking angelic.

There was no other way of describing her. Even though she had actively been avoiding him for the past few days and making him watch her from afar. 

But Sabo could forgive that. She was obviously planning something, and the most optimistic part of himself had convinced him that it was going to be a surprise.

He didn’t know what kind of surprise yet, but he looked forward to it. A little too much in fact.

He had watched his Angel gather all sorts of things, swiping snacks from the pantry when she thought no one was looking. Snatching blankets and other fabrics from the laundry, candles and matches from the storage. 

All things that were needed for a romantic date. 

Sabo still wasn’t sure why she needed all the tools she stole from the supply closet, nor did he understand what she was going to use a tarp for.

But he almost lost his shit yesterday when he saw her sneak a rope into her bag. If his, quite frankly, dirty mind was right and she wanted him to tie her up with it, he might have to marry her on the spot. 

The knife however, that was still a bit concerning… But hey, he was willing to try out whatever she had in mind at least once.

No matter what she was doing, these past few days had convinced him.

She had continued to play their little game, even though the rules had changed a bit. AND, she was planning a romantic surprise for him. That girl understood him so well.

She liked him, maybe just as much as he liked her, if that even was possible.

Sabo knew his obsession was starting to get a little out of hand. Or in all honesty, “a little” would be an understatement. 

He knew that what he was doing wasn’t exactly normal. Watching her go about her day, keeping tabs on where she was, at what time in the morning she was leaving her bedroom and when she usually returned. Putting it in a more brutal way, he was stalking her.

God- that girl brought out dark things in him he wasn’t even aware were there before. Last night he spent at least two hours convincing himself that, sneaking into her room through her window while she was sleeping, wasn’t a good idea. 

It wasn’t, he knew that. No matter how much that girl had messed with his moral compass, he knew that it would be crossing a line.

But he just wanted to hear the sweet voice he had been deprived of hearing for the last few days, even if it was her yelling at him to get out.

That’s why he went to see her this morning, to talk to her. Not about anything special, he just wanted to see her pretty mouth move, until his mind was filled with nothing but the sweet sound of her voice.

Sabo knew she had been in there, observation haki really becoming handy in these kinds of situations. But she hid in her closet when he stepped into her room.

And if she wanted to play Hide and Seek, who was he to deprive her of that fun? 

Plus, he had gotten a little prize for playing along.

Still, things had started to become a little boring for him.

At first, it had been exciting seeing her turn a corner every time he was near. Watching her look over her shoulder to see if he was there. It was twisted- but fuck- just knowing she was constantly thinking about him brought him so much joy.

Even if she was doing it in an attempt to avoid him, Sabo couldn’t be mad about it. She was obviously still trying to muster up the courage to face him after his blatant confession.

It was cute.

He had imagined her confessing her feelings for him so many times at this point. Nervous stutters leaving her mouth, a flustered blush spreading over her face.

God- Just the thought made him want to do unspeakable things to that poor girl. 

And in any normal case, Sabo was nothing but patient. With her however, not so much. 

Like previously stated, watching her had been fun for a while. But he was done with just watching now, he wanted to be with her. Being close to her, talking to her, teasing her. Seeing her smile, laugh or just resting peacefully on his chest.

So, at this moment he was in the library, hiding behind a bookshelf and going over his options on how to best approach her.

Jane Doe was sitting at a table a bit further away, reading a book in peace. Looking absolutely angelic.

Besides the two of them, the rest of the room was empty. And dammit, if there hadn’t been so many unresolved issues that needed to be sorted out first, he would probably pin her to that table right this moment.

Hitching that cute, little skirt up over her hips as he left kisses up and down her gorgeous legs. Teasing her to the brink of insanity until she begged him to touch her. Eating her out like a man starved for food-

Yeah, that was definitely not happening yet.

The second best option was to go over there, trying to make her flustered enough to at least blush. Which shouldn’t be too hard to achieve.

So Sabo did just that, walking over with a statement that was suggestive enough in mind. He stopped right behind her chair, bending down close to her ear, feeling a bit amused when he saw her flinch.

“You know, I had this dream last night- and fuck- your hands felt so soft against my skin. Like an Angel touching my very soul.” He said in a low voice, blowing a puff of hot air against her neck.

It was true, he really dreamt that last night. He had been kinda pissed off when he woke, not wanting the wonderful dream to end.

And he knew how much his little nickname affected her, she was so bad at hiding her true feelings.

“Dear God, why?” The girl asked under her breath, making Sabo chuckle as he walked over to the other side of the table, sitting down across from her.

“Why? Cause you’re cute, and funny, and ignoring me. So you’re obviously my type.” He stated, watching her mindlessly turn to the next page in her book.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” She answered, looking up at him for the first time.

“Perfect.” Sabo sighed, getting completely lost in her eyes.

He barely had the chance to catch the pretty blush that spread over her face, before she turned her head down.

But it was there, he saw it, and it made his chest fill with pride. No matter how hard she tried to ignore him, he could still make her flustered anytime he wanted to.

“Are you bothered by me being here?” He asked, giving her a teasing smile.

“Yes. I want to be alone.” She said curtly in response, not paying him more attention than necessary.

It was selfish, and probably a bit dumb. But Sabo wanted her attention to be on him, and not on some stupid book. What was so interesting about it anyways, for her to not look at him? He was way more interesting-

God, he really needed to seek professional help, didn't he? He was jealous over a fucking book.

“What are you reading anyway?” He scoffed, failing to keep his displeasure in.

“None of your business.” She snapped back, voice deprived of any warmth.

Shit, was she annoyed? That couldn’t be good…

“Why are you so snappy today?” Sabo asked, needing to know if all of it was just in his head.

“I’m not.” She bit out, jaw visibly clenching. 

If it was one thing Sabo took pride in, it was that he was good at reading people. But not this girl apparently, making her an exception in yet another way. 

He must have fucked up big during the last couple of days for her to be this mad with him. Was it the stalking? Had he taken it too far? 

“Yes you are. Did I do something to make you upset? I’ll try to fix it if you tell me.” He said, trying to reach for her hand, but she quickly moved it away.

“I said I’m not. Just drop it.” 

Was this their first fight? 

Sabo might not have been in any real long term relationship before, but he wanted this to work. He needed this to work, because he wasn’t sure if he could recover from being rejected by her. 

He knew that communication was important in any healthy relationship, so her avoiding the topic wasn’t going to cut it.

“I will drop it, if you tell me what’s wrong. I don’t want you to be angry at me and-”

“Can you just back the fuck off and leave me alone?” She said with an irritated tone, looking up at him with fire in her eyes.

Oh fuck, she’s mad mad.

She swore… she actually swore. That was a word Sabo thought he never would hear leave his Angel's beautiful mouth.

Was this about the underwear? He knew she had been hiding in the closet when he “borrowed” them, but he didn’t think she would be this angry about it.

“Is this about what I took from your room? Because I was going to give-”

“IT’S NOT ABOUT THE FUCKING UNDERWEAR!”

“Okay, so I must have done something else then… I'm sorry?” He said, feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

She didn’t say anything more. She just let out a frustrated groan as she slammed the book shut, leaving it on the table and walked away. Leaving him alone with nothing but his own thoughts.

Goddamnit!

He messed up, this was not how he wanted things to go. Had he been wrong the entire time? Had she actually been mad at him, and was that the reason she avoided him to begin with? Had they not just been playing their usual silly game?

Fuck, maybe had he come on too strong three days ago. He did choke her, so it wouldn’t be surprising if that was the reason. But she said she liked it, right?

Sabo was about to go crazy, trying to figure out what he did wrong, when his eyes landed on the green cover of the book she had been reading.

He picked it up, curiosity getting the better of him.

“ *Outdoor Survival for Beginners*- what the actual?” He flipped through the pages, as something clicked in his brain. “Shit-”

Jane Doe was planning on running away…

It all made sense now. Why she avoided him, why she had gathered all those different things. Why she had been so defensive just moments ago.

(Why she hadn’t told him she liked him too.)

She was leaving, and she didn’t want anything left behind. It made sense, he would do the same thing if he knew he was leaving. It was plain cruel to confess your feelings to someone, just to be gone a few days later.

That’s why he had confessed to her. He wasn’t exactly planning on leaving her anytime soon, and he wanted her to know that.

Still, the only thing that didn’t make sense was her reason. Why would she want to run away?

She liked it here, Sabo saw how happy she looked whenever she helped around the base. How well she got along with Koala. How peaceful she had looked that morning when she slept on his chest.

In fact, why was she even hiding her identity to begin with? He hadn’t thought about it more than in passing, his mind usually being too preoccupied with holding his urges back around her.

Something wasn’t right…

“I might have to speed some things up.” Determination took over him.

Her plan was batshit crazy to begin with. She couldn’t even cook, how the fuck was she going to survive alone in the woods? She would die, hungry, freezing and alone, within a couple of days.

Sabo couldn’t stand the thought of losing someone he cared for again. Not after Ace-

No. This wasn’t the time to dwell on that. 

He had a few very urgent house calls to make.

___

Tag list: @nymeriiiia

[valtsv]

im curious about your thoughts, would you talk a little about the theme of gender in the terror? i just enjoy your perspective!

okay i can't promise you the properly formatted essay with footnotes and citations i would love to write given the time and energy, but sure, i'd love to. because the theme of gender is central to the terror, particularly regarding the victorian ideal of masculinity, as a part of the greater overarching narrative theme of social constructions and structures being stripped away, and what and who remains after (crozier even explicitly remarks to fitzjames at the beginning of episode 7 that the remains of their civilization which they're clinging to for a sense of comfort and stability will begin to 'fall and drop away' as they travel further). we see this not just in the case of fitzjames, whose national identity and sense of selfhood we're given some insight into through the lens of gender, both with the iconic dress scene and his subsequent choice to dress as britannia, the feminine symbol of british imperial power, for carnivale - a juxtaposition which emphasizes the contrast between his private and public personas, and between the moment of vulnerability and honest self-expression in the scene where he holds up the dress and smiles at his reflection, and the ironic mask he dons for carnivale as a shield to conceal his doubts and insecurities, and any 'shameful' desires he might have - but also, for example, in the case of collins, who in the same episode seeks out goodsir, whose emotional availability and honesty have earned him the derision of his crewmates in the forms of scornful looks and derogatory comments denouncing his mannerisms as 'womanish' and thus shameful, but which only become increasingly necessary and shared amongst more of the men as they're forced to rely more and more on one another for support, and societal expectations of how they should conduct themselves become increasingly irrelevant, their fragility exposed and found wanting. collins is rebuffed and reprimanded by dr. stanley in episode 6, who dismisses his emotional distress, but in the following episode with goodsir he's encouraged to confide in him and, upon doing so, breaks down in tears and shares a desperate hug with him in full view of their camp; actions which would have been confined to privacy if they were allowed to be expressed at all earlier on. everywhere, cracks are beginning to show in this ideal construct of masculinity that the men were once expected and so proud to uphold.

silna's presence also highlights the themes of gender, and how they intersect with race and ethnicity; she is almost exclusively referred to as a 'girl' by the men of the expedition despite clearly being both a grown women and far more competent at surviving in the arctic than they are. the empire and its subjects' unwillingness to accept that someone who is both a native to the region and a woman could be more knowledgeable and better equipped than they are to deal with the situation leads them to assert their perceived superiority through how they address and refer to her, using the infantilizing language of 'girl', which although i believe the use of was more common in victorian england than it was today, nonetheless carries these implications, particularly when it's almost exclusively the only term they use to describe her. even those men who are more open to accepting the need to rely on the knowledge and support of the indigenous peoples of the region in order to survive there, such as crozier, don't begin to realize this until it's already too late. we also see the weaponization of femininity as a badge of shame of weakness with, as aforementioned, goodsir, and with hickey when he says to gibson that he "was such a good wife to me all these months" in order to get under his skin after gibson declares their relationship to be over.

we also see this victorian ideal of masculinity physically begin to 'fall away' as the men's bodies and minds deteriorate due to the extreme conditions they find themselves in. as sickness and despair set in, the men are no longer physically able to uphold this construction they've been told their whole lives it is vitally important that they strive to maintain in all their undertakings, further compounding the horror of their experience, but also liberating them. hickey again takes advantage of this, too, demonstrating his intelligence and quick, pragmatic thinking when he castrates irving's corpse after murdering him in order to threaten the remaining shreds of the men's masculinity and inflame them into rash, reactive action. and fitzjames comes full circle in his own gender-influenced narrative when he confesses his long-carried shame to crozier, finally unburdening himself of the idea of 'james fitzjames' that he built on the foundations of that masculine ideal the society he lived in values so highly and as a result is able to let himself lean on a fellow man for support and shed tears for the first time (that we see onscreen at least), and when he asks crozier to euthanize him to help him out of his suffering in his final moments - both poison and suicide have traditionally earned a reputation as means used by 'women and cowards' to escape the brutal reality of death, but they allow fitzjames to die with as much dignity and the least amount of suffering as the at that point truly desperate circumstances allow, and far more than the more ideally masculine, imperial british glory he once aspired to of death in combat or without any medical assistance to ease his passing would have.

[starlithumanity]

I don't even know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that all of Ed's violence is a) anti-imperial, b) protective against direct repeated threats to himself and his loved ones, or c) self-destructive in the hopes someone will respond by killing him during his suicidal spiral. (That last example is fairly indirect and performative and comes from a place of severe nihilistic suffering.)

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the violence is triggering and traumatic and exhausting for Ed, and that he is desperate for a chance to live differently but has also never known any other life. Stede gave him the one true glimpse he's had of something gentler! Ed didn't fully know how fucked up his life was before because that was normal to him. That's what growing up traumatized does to you.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed that the suicidal spiral is a result of Ed's circumstances: of Ed being threatened by Izzy after Izzy repeatedly found ways to force Ed back towards the violent life Ed wants so much to escape, of Ed losing his one glimpse at safety and happiness through Stede and now having to face the darkness knowing he nearly found something different, of Ed feeling like the only way he can survive in this world is by being an "unlovable" monster he hates--and then he's confronted by Izzy telling him he's still not getting it right. Of course Ed gives up then.

I don't know what you can say to the people who somehow missed the show's themes about how much harm is caused by toxic masculinity and by masking your true self and by cultures founded on trauma and self-hate and burnout. (You do see the burnout in Ed, yeah?)

I do get why some people might not understand the complexities of Ed's relationship with Izzy--how codependent and enmeshed their identities are--or the layers of symbolism that position Izzy in the story as a metaphor for traditional pirate culture and its harmful impact. (Which is particularly triggering for Ed on a daddy issues level because that's his original trauma.) If you understand those things, the unique nature of the physical harm Ed does to Izzy in this story makes even more sense.

Ed also frequently communicates through metaphor himself. Him cutting off Izzy's toes is not only a show trying to convince Izzy he's playing Blackbeard right and not only a response to Izzy repeatedly threatening Stede/continuing to threaten Ed, but also is meant to physically represent the harm that Izzy has done emotionally to Ed. Ed is communicating to Izzy the only way he knows how anymore: "See how it feels to be forced to lose parts of yourself? Stede was a part of me. My hopes of softness and joy were a part of me. You cut those off too."

There is so much evidence against the thought that Ed is some irredemable, monstrous lover of violence who will hurt Stede someday. Stede would have to repeatedly and directly threaten someone else Ed loves first (which Stede won't do), and even then, Ed would really have to fight with himself.

It's not his nature, y'all, and I'm so frustrated that some people keep insisting it is. I'm frustrated about what that says about people's ability to empathize and consider reasons for or contexts behind behaviors--particularly when the character in question is an openly queer and likely neurodivergent indigenous man. Is it so hard to have compassion and forgiveness for him? Please don't get stuck in that punitive, dehumanizing mindset.

Redemption is so important, which is why I appreciate that Izzy gets a growth arc once he stops centering his entire identity on the Blackbeard persona and clinging to toxic masculinity. (Seeing Stede's impact, how different things could be, vs. the harm caused by the traditional ways, changes Izzy too!) Izzy's time, as a side character and mentor figure and piracy metaphor, does end, but first he gets to live with more meaning and unlearn many of the negative behaviors. That's the goal, right? To move forward.

[thunderboltfire]

I have a lot of complicated feelings when it comes to what Neflix has done with the Witcher, but my probably least favourite is the line of argumentation that originated during shitstorms related to the first and second season that I was unlucky to witness.

It boils down to "Netflix's reinterpretation and vision is valid, because the Witcher books are not written to be slavic. The overwhelming Slavic aestetic is CDPR's interpretation, and the setting in the original books is universally European, as there are references to Arthurian mythos and celtic languages" And I'm not sure where this argument originated and whether it's parroting Sapkowski's own words or a common stance of people who haven't considered the underlying themes of the books series. Because while it's true that there are a lot of western european influences in the Witcher, it's still Central/Eastern European to the bone, and at its core, the lack of understanding of this topic is what makes the Netflix series inauthentic in my eyes.

The slavicness of the Witcher goes deeper than the aestetics, mannerisms, vodka and sour cucumbers. Deeper than Zoltan wrapping his sword with leopard pelt, like he was a hussar. Deeper than the Redanian queen Hedvig and her white eagle on the red field.

What Witcher is actually about? It's a story about destiny, sure. It's a sword-and-sorcery style, antiheroic deconstruction of a fairy tale, too, and it's a weird mix of many culture's influences.

But it's also a story about mundane evil and mundane good. If You think about most dark, gritty problems the world of Witcher faces, it's xenophobia and discrimination, insularism and superstition. Deep-seated fear of the unknown, the powerlessness of common people in the face of danger, war, poverty and hunger. It's what makes people spit over their left shoulder when they see a witcher, it's what makes them distrust their neighbor, clinging to anything they deem safe and known. It's their misfortune and pent-up anger that make them seek scapegoats and be mindlessly, mundanely cruel to the ones weaker than themselves.

There are of course evil wizards, complicated conspiracies and crowned heads, yes. But much of the destruction and depravity is rooted in everyday mundane cycle of violence and misery. The worst monsters in the series are not those killed with a silver sword, but with steel. it's hard to explain but it's the same sort of motiveless, mundane evil that still persist in our poorer regions, born out of generations-long poverty and misery. The behaviour of peasants in Witcher, and the distrust towards authority including kings and monarchs didn't come from nowhere.

On the other hand, among those same, desperately poor people, there is always someone who will share their meal with a traveller, who will risk their safety pulling a wounded stranger off the road into safety. Inconditional kindness among inconditional hate. Most of Geralt's friends try to be decent people in the horrible world. This sort of contrasting mentalities in the recently war-ridden world is intimately familiar to Eastern and Cetral Europe.

But it doesn't end here. Nilfgaard is also a uniquely Central/Eastern European threat. It's a combination of the Third Reich in its aestetics and its sense of superiority and the Stalinist USSR with its personality cult, vast territory and huge army, and as such it's instantly recognisable by anybody whose country was unlucky enough to be caught in-between those two forces. Nilfgaard implements total war and looks upon the northerners with contempt, conscripts the conquered people forcibly, denying them the right of their own identity. It may seem familiar and relevant to many opressed people, but it's in its essence the processing of the trauma of the WW2 and subsequent occupation.

My favourite case are the nonhumans, because their treatment is in a sense a reminder of our worst traits and the worst sins in our history - the regional antisemitism and/or xenophobia, violence, local pogroms. But at the very same time, the dilemma of Scoia'Tael, their impossible choice between maintaining their identity, a small semblance of freedom and their survival, them hiding in the forests, even the fact that they are generally deemed bandits, it all touches the very traumatic parts of specifically Polish history, such as January Uprising, Warsaw Uprising, Ghetto Uprising, the underground resistance in WW2 and the subsequent complicated problem of the Cursed Soldiers all at once. They are the 'other' to the general population, but their underlying struggle is also intimately known to us.

The slavic monsters are an aestetic choice, yes, but I think they are also a reflection of our local, private sins. These are our own, insular boogeymen, fears made flesh. They reproduce due to horrors of the war or they are an unprovoked misfortune that descends from nowhere and whose appearance amplifies the local injustices.

I'm not talking about many, many tiny references that exist in the books, these are just the most blatant examples that come to mind. Anyway, the thing is, whether Sapkowski has intended it or not, Witcher is slavic and it's Polish because it contains social commentary. Many aspects of its worldbuilding reflect our traumas and our national sins. It's not exclusively Polish in its influences and philosophical motifs of course, but it's obvious it doesn't exist in a vacuum.

And it seems to me that the inherently Eastern European aspects of Witcher are what was immediately rewritten in the series. It seems to me that the subtler underlying conflicts were reshaped to be centered around servitude, class and gender disparity, and Nilfgaard is more of a fanatic terrorist state than an imposing, totalitarian empire. A lot of complexity seems to be abandoned in lieu of usual high-fantasy wordbuilding. It's especially weird to me because it was completely unnecessary. The Witcher books didn't need to be adjusted to speak about relevant problems - they already did it! The problem of acceptance and discrimination is a very prevalent theme throughout the story! They are many strong female characters too, and they are well written. Honestly I don't know if I should find it insulting towards their viewers that they thought it won't be understood as it was and has to be somehow reshaped to fit the american perpective, because the current problems are very much discussed in there and Sapkowski is not subtle in showing that genocide and discrimination is evil. Heck, anyone who has read the ending knows how tragic it makes the whole story.

It also seems quite disrespectful, because they've basically taken a well-established piece of our domestic literature and popular culture and decided that the social commentary in it is not relevant. It is as if all it referenced was just not important enough and they decided to use it as an opportunity to talk about the problems they consider important. And don't get me wrong, I'm not forcing anyone to write about Central European problems and traumas, I'm just confused that they've taken the piece of art already containing such a perspective on the popular and relevant problem and they just... disregarded it, because it wasn't their exact perspective on said problem.

And I think this homogenisation, maybe even from a certain point of view you could say it's worldview sanitisation is a problem, because it's really ironic, isn't it? To talk about inclusivity in a story which among other problems is about being different, and in the same time to get rid of motifs, themes and references because they are foreign? Because if something presents a different perspective it suddenly is less desirable?

There was a lot of talking about the showrunners travelling to Poland to understand the Witcher's slavic spirit and how to convey it. I don't think they really meant it beyond the most superficial, paper-thin facade.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

The fun continues with three currently airing gems, a new show entering the fray, and an animated story so good I am reading a manga to keep up with it. Four of these are on Gaga and one is coming to us via fan sub. Jump on in to the weekly watch, we're having so much fun and not feeling at all overwhelmed by the deluge of amazing content! *chuckles nervously*

Takara's Treasure

I continue to love this quiet little show. This week I desperately wanted someone, anyone, to answer Taishin's earnest questions. He is doing his best to figure this out but no one is helping him! I like that despite wanting him to figure out his feelings for himself, Takara continues to reach out to Taishin to let him know his attention is welcome. This week we also met Emiri, an instant fav who taught Taishin all about stanning. I appreciate that this show joined other recent jbls in making a clear distinction between being a stan and being in love. Real love is not fanaticism, and the former is what Takara seems to want from Taishin--once he's ready.

I Hear the Sunspot

Ugh this show just gets me right in the heart. As I hoped, we got to sit with Taichi this episode as he worked through his confusion and worry about Kohei. It makes sense for Kohei to back off in the wake of his ignored confession, and it also makes sense that Taichi didn't hear him (metaphorically). And even after having it repeated in a way he can't misunderstand, he still doesn't know what to do with it. He just knows he likes Kohei and wants to be around him, and he seems okay with just leaving it at that for now. I loved, too, that we got to spend time with Kohei as he's coping with his worsening condition and get to know his mother, who is a delightful person who loves Taichi just as much as her son does. I'm so glad we are getting to see this story told properly in full in such a great adaptation.

Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko

Finally, the truth!!! Ayaka is a menace and Hiroko is fighting for her life. Like hanging out with a niece, my ass! Most of the office misinterpreting Ayaka's behavior as crushing on Yuya instead of Hiroko continues to be hilarious, as are all Hiroko's friends trying to push her to cross the line. I was sad to learn that Risa has her own unrequited love going on; I want all the girls to end this story happily! I did love their conversation about identity, and that the show gave some space for Ayaka to consider whether lesbian is the right label for her. Checking out the lesbian bar together was a great way to test things out, and I was dying at the other girls hitting on Ayaka. Can't wait to see what happens next now that Hiroko has no more denial to cling to.

Mr. Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Shoutout to @isaksbestpillow for picking this show up, because it’s an instant fav! Ishida and Mitsuya are fantastic characters, and man are they GAY. This is a food drama and a story of queer men of different generations seeing something unexpected in each other and forming a surprising bond. I was pleasantly surprised by how immediately the attraction and sexual tension arrived in this story, and I want to know so much more about Mitsuya and why he seems to be holding a desperate sadness alongside all his wisdom about life. Very excited to see these two nourish each other. You can find Sirii’s subs here.

Twilight Out of Focus

I don't watch anime (do not @ me, many have tried), but @bengiyo liked the story for this one enough that he told me I can’t skip it, so I am reading the manga along with the show. And I gotta say, I loved this first story with Mao and Hisashi (this is a multi couple series so not sure how the next one will go). Ben is on vacay so I'm tagging @twig-tea to talk about the episode that aired this week.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Do they ever tell us why Sebek is so obsessed with Malleus and Lilia? I know a lot of people who think this trait of his is annoying - myself included - and I was hoping to find an explanation that might make it make more sense. I've been wondering this for a long time now so if you could share that would help a lot!!!

This is something I’ve wondered myself ever since TWST first came out! Unfortunately for us fans, there has yet to be anything outright stated about why Sebek reveres Malleus and Lilia in particular (which leaves us to speculate).

I guess the “obvious” answer would be that Malleus and Lilia are both powerful fae in significant positions of power. To be recognized by either one would be a great honor, especially considering how patriotic Sebek seems to be. It’s like your favorite Famous Person praising you—you’d be over the moon and stars to be noticed by your idol. However, I think there’s more depth to Sebek’s reasoning than just that.

I believe part of the fanaticism comes from his grandfather (Baul) and the stories Sebek has heard from him. He has grown up hearing all these tales of their country’s triumphs and how great the fae are, so that attitude is sure to rub off on an impressionable child. This family background, combined with the cognitive dissonance relating to his human half, results in a strong urge to confirm his identity.

It's a bit of a long read, but I'd recommend looking at this analysis I did a while back (before the release of book 7 in JP), which delves into Sebek’s self-loathing and how he projects that dissatisfaction and confusion with himself onto others. Because Sebek is so hellbent on “proving” himself and his fae identity, it makes even more sense that he would want this identity validated by Malleus and Lilia, who are not only influential and powerful, but are fae too. It would be the ultimate acknowledgement and affirmation of who Sebek is. It would calm the turmoil and the storm in his heart.

Sebek clings so desperately to Malleus and Lilia and seeks their approval because he’s not sure of himself. He’s relying on others’ input for his own security. This also is why Sebek loudly and brazenly overcompensates by shouting “HUMAN” up and down the hallways. This detail is also reflected in Sebek’s UM—an individual-defining spell—which is rash and self-sacrificial, a sort of magic Sebek admits to not fully understanding yet.

That’s the theory I’m running with!!

[inkmonster21]

Hearts Across the Divide

11.) Blessings for Rejection

Noa x Fem!Human!Reader

Series Masterlist

Y’all… Don’t hate me for this one…

~oOo~

The sight of your father standing there takes you by surprise. "Father," you breathe, the word escaping your lips in a mixture of disbelief and trepidation. Your heart races as you wonder what his presence means for you and Noa.

Noa steps forward, standing tall and straight, his voice carrying a sense of authority but still wavering. "Wuka, Great warrior, and Clan Leader," he begins, addressing your father. "I am Noa. Eagle Clan leader, Master of Birds." The words echo in the air, a declaration of identity and position.

Your father's eyes rove over Noa, his face displaying no hint of emotion whatsoever. His steady gaze seems to hold a silent assessment as if he's sizing up the determination and strength of the Ape standing before him. His nose catching the scent that had been clinging to you for months. This was not a new bond.

After a moment of silent scrutiny, your father lets out a sigh, his stoic countenance finally showing a flicker of expression. He looks over at Noa with a mixture of admiration and resignation. "Noa would make a suitable choice for a mate... if you were not human." His voice resonates with a deep-rooted resignation.

Your voice trembles as you plead with your father, desperation seeping into every word. "No. Please. It works. I... I will do anything, Father, please." The words escape your lips in a desperate plea, your eyes welling with tears as you plead for his understanding and approval.

His outburst cuts through the tension in the room, as Loui enters with a dismissive air, his voice loud and filled with self-righteousness. "See? What did I tell you, Father?" he says, casting a glance toward Noa before fixing his gaze on your father.

Your anger reaches its boiling point at the sight of Loui, and you unleash a surge of raw emotion. Without hesitation, you lunge at him, your eyes ablaze with vengeful fury. Your body collides with Loui's, your momentum propelling the two of you against a nearby table. The impact causes the objects on the table to spill onto the floor with a loud clatter. In that moment, your anger and frustration take over, fueling your actions as you struggle against him.

Your father's voice cuts through the chaos, his words resonating with a mix of disappointment and finality. "Look at yourself... Ape and human... will never work." His tone carries a sense of disheartenment as if he's resigned to the belief that a bond between you and Noa is an impossible dream.

A heavy silence hangs in the air as your father turns his gaze towards Noa, his eyes locked with the Eagle Clan leader. "Return to your Clan," he orders firmly. The words carry a sense of finality, a command that leaves no room for negotiation.

Your voice rises in anguished plea, your body moving quickly to catch up with your father as he starts walking away. Your hands clutch his staff, your fingers trembling as you grip it tightly. “Father, no!” you yell, your emotions breaking free, pouring out with every syllable. “I LOVE HIM!” The words escape your lips like a desperate cry for understanding.

Your father, Wuka, stills himself and forces his gaze away from you. His heart clenches at the sight of your pain. He recalls the tales he has heard since the day you were brought into the village. Stories of painful hybrid offspring, beings that never survived. He cannot bear the thought of you experiencing that agony, of being ensnared in such a hopeless fantasy.

Despite your pleading, your father continues to speak in a resolute tone, his words carrying a weight of conviction. "And do you, a human, think you can give him what he wants? What does his clan deserve?" He pauses, allowing the weight of his question to sink in. "No," he replies firmly, his voice laced with a mix of disappointment and determination.

Your father's voice remains steady, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of sternness and sadness. "You can not bear a child. You can not adapt in such a way apes can. You would kill his clan. His future," he says, his words like a cold, hard truth that hangs in the air, casting a pall over your hopes.

His voice rings out with strong certainty, his eyes locked on yours like a resolute flame. "It does not matter!" he exclaims, his words filled with unwavering determination. Despite his conviction, Loui steps in, restraining Noa's impulsive advance. Noa's declaration breaks through, his voice carrying an intensity that cuts through the tension in the room. "I would die for her!" he repeats, his eyes fixed on you, his words filled with unwavering loyalty. Loui maintains his grip, holding Noa back with a mixture of frustration and concern.

Wuka casts a steady gaze upon Noa, recognizing the strength and loyalty in his words. Yet, his resolve remains resolute, and he responds with a firm tone. "Admirable," he says, acknowledging Noa's devotion. "But no. I will not allow such things."

Wuka's hand waves through the air as he orders, "Take him away." Noa is forcibly led away, and your cries, filled with heartache and despair, fill the air. The sounds of your anguish echo through the village, a painful testament to the forced separation.

Noa's voice rings out, choked with a mixture of anger and heartbreak, as he calls your name, struggling against Loui's hold. The sound of his voice reverberates through the air, an anguished refrain that further fuels your desperate cries.

Loui shoves Noa down, his voice filled with a menacing tone. "I said I would kill you... next time I will..." The threat hangs in the air, a chilling reminder of the animosity between them.

Despite the distance between you and Noa, your anguished cries continue to reach his ears, a heartbreaking soundtrack to his forced departure. The sound of your pain gnaws at his heart, fueling a deep sense of helplessness within him.

Your body remains rooted to the ground, broken and desolate, as your mother holds you in her arms. Her tender embrace provides a fragile comfort in this moment of devastating loss.

Wuka stands nearby, “It is for the best… she-“ his words interrupted by your mother's fierce response. Her voice trembles with emotion as she snaps at him, "DO NOT... SPEAK TO ME... OF WHAT IS BEST."

Your mother guides you gently, her steps filled with a mix of frustration and empathy. She leads you back to your hut, each step a silent protest against Wuka and Loui's heartless decision. With every passing moment, the realization sinks in that you've been denied the happiness you so desperately desire.

In the desolate confines of your hut, time feels meaningless. The days blend into each other, as you find yourself trapped in a void of despair and emptiness. Your lack of apatite and thirst only serves to mirror the hollowness within you, your body wasting away as the absence of Noa takes its toll. Denied happiness, your hope has vanished, leaving behind only emptiness and despair.

Noa found himself in a similar state of emptiness and despair, his existence defined by the relentless cycle of responsibilities imposed upon him. Gone was the sense of purpose that once guided him, replaced by the void left by your absence. Both of you were lost, trapped in a world where happiness seemed unattainable, each day stretching into an endless parade of longing and unfulfilled desires.

The physical distance between you and Noa only served to amplify the emotional torment. Each passing day witnessed a slow, agonizing death within the both of you. Every moment, every breath felt meaningless without the other. The pain of separation cut deep, carving out empty spaces in your soul that ached with constant longing.

Loui strides into your hut, carrying a bowl of fruit in his hands. His usual air of self-righteousness is still firmly in place, his eyes scanning your sunken form with a mixture of concern and superiority. Loui's voice breaks the silence, his tone firm yet tinged with a hint of concern. "You need to eat." He holds out the bowl of fruit, an offer meant to coax you into nourishment.

Your eyes burn with a fire of hatred as you glare at Loui, taking the bowl from him and flinging it towards him. Your voice rings out with a sudden intensity, your words a desperate plea for solitude. "GET OUT!" The frustration and anger that has simmered beneath the surface finally erupts in a fit of fury.

As the bowl crashes against the wall, Loui stands there, enduring the full force of your hateful gaze. In the depths of his heart, he knows the depth of his role in your pain, and your anger cuts through him like a sharp blade, a reminder of the consequences of his actions.

Loui's motivations, as misguided as they may be, are grounded in a sense of duty and a deep-rooted concern for the village's well-being. He believes that what he is doing is the right choice, a necessary sacrifice to protect the future of the community. He has convinced himself that his actions, which are tearing apart your life and Noa's, are justified, a noble act of sacrifice for the greater good.

Loui's voice breaks through the silence, his words offering a brief respite from the weight of your pain. "Why don't you come with me? Let's go to the waterfall," he says, gesturing towards the door of your hut. The waterfall, usually a symbol of beauty and serenity, now feels tainted by your current state of despair. Yet, the offer to leave the confines of your hut, if only for a while, holds a slight allure.

You respond with firm resolve, your words ringing out like a declaration. "I will go, but not with you." The thought of spending time with Loui, the very person who is responsible for your current anguish, is unbearable. Loui, accepting your response, nods his head, acknowledging your decision. He then asks with a hint of curiosity, "Who then?" The question hangs in the air, leaving you with the task of choosing a companion for the trip to the waterfall.

Your answer comes readily, the name slipping from your lips like a simple choice. "Keli." The mention of her name brings a sense of familiarity and comfort, the thought of spending time with her offering a small measure of relief from your current despair.

As you and Keli reach the waterfall, the water cascading down in its usual, beautiful display, you can't help but notice the subtle change in the air. The summer days, with their warmth and vibrancy, are giving way to the cool, crisp touch of autumn. The water, once refreshing and invigorating, feels colder now, a harbinger of the change in seasons. The beauty of summer fades as the landscape transforms around you.

Your gaze drifts past the shimmering waterfall, and beyond the curtain of cascading water, you look in the direction of Noa's Clan, a pang of longing and desire welling up within you. The thought of your love, just over the horizon, fills you with a mixture of heartache and hope.

As you stand there, gazing in the direction of Noa's Clan, Keli's voice cuts through the air, a gentle yet firm reminder. "It would not be wise," she says, her words carrying a sense of caution and concern. “I know.” A hint of defiance creeps into your voice, a spark of determination igniting within you. "But I don’t care," you declare, a flicker of stubbornness surfacing. Despite knowing the wisdom in Keli's words, your heart refuses to let go of the bond you share with Noa.

Keli's words carry a harsh truth, a firm reminder of the potential consequences of your actions. "Wuka would skin him alive," she says, her voice filled with a sternness that cuts through your emotional turmoil. "You do not want that. Would not be able to live with that." Her words paint a grim picture of the potential danger and suffering that might befall Noa if you act on your desires.

As you stand by the waterfall, immersed in the realm of your memories, you can't help but notice the unusual stillness in the air. The absence of the usual sounds of nature, the rustling of leaves, and the cheerful chirping of birds create an eerie silence that sends a chill down your spine. The air feels heavy, laden with an ominous sense of unease. The peacefulness of the surrounding landscape has been disrupted, replaced by a sense of foreboding.

Keli's voice pierces through the heavy silence, her words calling out your name with deliberate slowness. You can hear the tremble in her voice, a hint of terror seeping into her words. She stares into the woods, her eyes fixed on something that you cannot see.

Keli's voice becomes urgent, her words a sharp command. "Run," she says, her voice laced with a sense of emergency. The underlying fear in her tone sends a jolting sensation through your body, awakening your instincts to the danger that lurks nearby.

As you both run towards the village, the sounds of mocking laughter and taunts echo through the air. It seems as if someone, or something, is relishing in your fear and panic. The words, filled with malice, bounce off the trees like a sinister chorus, sending shivers down your spine and fuelling your determination to reach safety.

A rope, seemingly out of nowhere, encircles your legs, bringing you crashing to the ground in a single swift motion. Your body collides with a nearby rock, causing your head to spin and the world around you to fade into darkness. You succumb to unconsciousness, your body lying motionless against the ground.

From her higher vantage point, Keli witnesses the scene unfolding below. Her heart races as she watches you lying unconscious on the ground, vulnerable and at the mercy of the approaching group. Among the group of apes and humans, one human man kneels beside you, gingerly moving your hair away from your face. His words break the silence, "This the one?"

A deep voice, cloaked in shadow, emerges from the darkness. "Yes..." From the shadows emerges an imposing figure, a towering ape with battle scars and wounds covering his darkened fur. Despite the brutal scars that mar his physique, his size and presence command respect and fear among the apes and humans in his group.

The imposing figure peers down at you with a chilling smirk on his face. His voice drips with a sadistic edge as he speaks, referring to you as "Noa's new pet."

Keli, her heart pounding with fear and worry, witnesses your capture and subsequent disappearance into the unknown. The sight ignites a sense of panic within her, and she immediately springs into action. Sprinting towards the village, her voice rings out, calling out for Loui and Wuka, desperation and alarm seeping into her cries.

Loui quickly moves towards Keli, his expression filled with concern as he embraces her. "What happened?" he asks urgently. Keli's body quivers with a mix of fear and shock as she attempts to recount the events. Her voice trembles as she speaks, "It happened so fast," she manages to say, the speed and abruptness of the encounter still fresh in her memory.

Keli's voice trembles as she delivers the devastating news. "They took her," she utters, her voice a mixture of disbelief and despair. The gravity of the situation weighs heavily on both of them, and the implications of your abduction send a wave of fear and urgency crashing over them. Loui's voice resonates with a mixture of anger and disbelief, his booming words cutting through the air. "Who?" he demands, his eyes flaring with a mixture of concern and determination. The need for information and understanding fuels his question, desperately hoping for a clue as to your captors' identities.

Keli's words are filled with uncertainty as she struggles to provide an answer. "Hunters," she utters, her voice laced with a mix of confusion and fear. Her mind struggles to recall and identify the individuals responsible, and the fact that she has never encountered apes or humans outside their village adds to her inability to provide a clear description.

Loui unceremoniously releases Keli, his mind already set on a course of action. "Tell father everything," he instructs her, before swiftly turning and darting towards the woods. Hope and determination drive him forward, each step carrying the weight of his intention to reach you before your captors get too far away.

Loui moves rapidly through the landscape, his eyes trained on the tracks left behind by your captors. With a single-minded focus, he follows the trail left by the hunters, tracing the path they took as they transported you away.

A sudden impact lands a forceful strike against Loui's chest, causing him to stumble and collapse onto the ground. Caught off guard, he struggles to regain his bearings, his forward momentum halted by the unexpected assault.

The large ape towering over the fallen Loui, smirks sinisterly, his expression filled with a malevolent mix of triumph and cruelty. He leans over, taunting Loui’s prone figure with his imposing presence.

His voice drips with a sinister tone. "Tell Noa... to come collect… his pet." The words hang in the air, an ominous challenge and an unsettling command. The ape pushes off Loui’s chest, leaving him lying there without another word. He walks off into the woods, leaving Loui to pick himself up, battered and bewildered by the encounter.

As Loui slowly gets back to his feet, his emotions churn violently within him. His anger is directed towards Noa, the perceived cause of his current predicament. Resentment clouds his thoughts, but he rejects the idea of needing Noa's assistance. Determined to handle the situation himself, Loui sets out on his mission, fueled by a mix of determination and bitterness.

[jester-lover]

do you have to let it linger?

Dorm leaders and their greatest insecurities in a relationship (part 2 with some fluff)

cw- angst, de@ th, image issues, slight hurt/comfort, just a lot of sadness gn! Reader

Riddle

With his temper, and his need for justice, Riddle is feared amongst his fellow students

His insecurities in your relationship largely revolve around his inability to understand calmness and his lawful nature

Riddle fears that one day, one horrible day, you will find someone more easygoing, who won’t live with such stern rules

He fears that you will deem him a tyrant, someone who holds you back from your future potential, someone who holds you back from having fun in your youth

Riddle is scared of you fearing him.

Riddle is scared of you hating him.

Leona

Growing up, Leona was always a afterthought

His most important moments have been diminished for his brother’s, he just wants someone who puts him on top

But deep down, Leona knows his achievements are mediocre compared to the brilliant, energetic minds around him

Leona knows he will never be at the top of anything, including your priorities

He clings to you when you’re alone together, wondering if you would prefer a more lively person

Leona knows you don’t deserve to be married to a second-best prince, you are the light in his eyes and the breath in his throat

Leona knows he needs you, he doubts that you need him.

Azul

Azul keeps his eyes on every mirror he can find, looking for any irregularities or marks

If he finds one, he feels dread fill his stomach, as he desperately tries to hide away any imperfections from you

Azul is a deeply complex young man, he cares a lot about his appearance, and controlling those around him

He has fears of abandonment that run deep, so he tries to keep himself ‘perfect’ in your eyes

But when those cracks slip open, the scared little boy who hides inside of him is open for you to see

Kalim

Kalim throws wealth around like it’s nothing almost every single day

He has such little respect for savings or otherwise, and he often gets comments about being ‘out of touch’

He often fears that one day you’ll get bored of him and drop him

He tries his best to relate to you, but at some point he’ll have to realize how privileged he is compared to the common person

Vil

Vil can be critical of practically everything, including you on the occasion

He fears being second best, and he fears you seeing him as such

He has this inferiority complex around other beautiful people, and he is desperately afraid that one day, you will simply find someone more beautiful

Vil keeps himself set to a high standard of beauty, knowing that it’s one of his only advantages in your relationship

Idia

Idia truly can’t understand why you would want to be with him, a greasy nobody who sits in his room all day

No matter what positive traits you show him about himself, his underlying feelings of unworthiness will always be there

Idia disassociates for long periods, just thinking about what he’ll do once you finally understand your worth and leave him behind

Malleus

Malleus is so excited to have a partner, but there is always a sense of urgency to your relationship

Malleus will live forever, and you will live for a fraction of that time

He tries not to dwell on it, but in the late hours of the night, when he’s walking beside you as you ramble on, he can’t help but think about how fragile you are

His heart sinks.

All malleus can imagine for a brief moment is the passage of time, how quickly you will grow grey hair and wrinkles on your face, and how quickly you will slip away from him

Sebek

Sebek has struggled with his sense of self for a while, he’s caught in the middle of two very different identities

His loud boisterous nature has caused people to stay away from him, except for you

He fears that one day, you will also see him as annoying or rude, when he’s stuck trying to dissect his human identity alongside his fae one

Sebek is most afraid that you will see him as a weak minded young man, unable to decide what his role is, even if that’s the least of your concerns

I added my favorite boy as a bonus, also I’m sorry for the Kalim part, he’s literally so chill idk what he’s be insecure about. I’ll most definitely be working on a sequel to this.