#she is getting more anxious and fearful
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theadventurek9 · 11 months ago
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She is everything to me.
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deoidesign · 1 year ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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sherlock-is-ace · 1 year ago
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the imposter syndrome i feel every time i even slightly think i might be autistic is insane, specially for a person who highly relates to the lived experiences of people who are professionally diagnosed.
Like I was just watching this one youtuber, and she was talking about very specific examples in her life and childhood where she saw autistic traits that made her realize she was autistic and then seek a diagnosis and then get one, and everything she was saying was like she was describing my life! But yeah no, I can't be autistic tho
#and one thing that has been filling me with dread (as if it was relevant lol) is the idea of seeking a diagnosis and#either not geting it because it's already so hard to find a diagnosis for '''''''women''''''' (afabs)#and that will make me doubt myself even more! but most importantly those around me who already don't believe me#but also i'm very scared about this one thing in particular which is the talking to your parents portion of the diagnosis#where the therapist will want to talk to people who knew me as a child... and that person will have to be my mom#and i'm pretty sure she will dismiss most signs. like she would either not bring them up because ''they're normal''#or play them as less important than they were#or maybe she didn't even notice them! because most of my struggles are internal!#things like being bullied or having no friends or liking a routine#idk if she'll be able to talk about all those#because my bullying wasn't violent it was mostly dismissive#my ''friends'' weren't really friends like i didn't CARE for them as maybe someone would have#and also they would leave me for no reason at all out of the blue... so i don't think even THEY considered ME a friend#and liking routine i guess she could say i prefered it but she doesn't know to the extent i hated going off it#i'm sure she forgot about the time i cried (as a 10 year old so not THAT young) because they made us change classroom#and i didn't know that was gonna happen... it was added to the anxiety that i thought my mother wouldn't be able to find me#but like the unknown classroom traumatized me (to this day i get anxious just thinking about that)#like... all those things i don't think she would bring up (if she could even) and i fear that will make me not get a diagnosis#not that this is a thing that's gonna happen cause as i established i cannot afford a therapist nor i'll ever get a diagnosis i don't think#so like it's not relevant#but i am anxious about it nonetheless#angel talks#personal#idk what's my point with this post btw i'm just venting and creaming to the void#dkfjhgdfg
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heireign · 3 months ago
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she had post partum depression after luke and joffrey were born.
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sampilled · 6 months ago
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friend asked me to impulsively move into a flat with her and it has ruined the vibe of my night
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a-tale-of-legends · 7 months ago
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I often use he/him for Luca but here's a reminder that Luca uses he/any!
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me-you-and-my-medication · 1 year ago
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I think I have avpd. I just relate a lot to the symptoms I've found and listening to people talk about it I resonate with too
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newfeeling77 · 2 years ago
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i wish i had gotten properly medicated n therapized earlier 1. bc it hasnt even started yet i had one therapy appointment and i wont be feeling the effects of medication for another month and a half and 2. im already feeling regretful of the time i wasted these past few months being depressed. not unhappy just apathetic and frustrated. bc objectively im having a good time n learning new things and making friends like its a really good semester but i havent been able to enjoy it bc im currently incapable of enjoying anything. i can appreciate things, i can acknowledge the positive aspects of my life but they dont give me any positive feelings. instead im just angry or overwhelmed all the time
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yellow-faerie · 2 years ago
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Update on the Hiccstrid Accidental Marriage AU - we are 3.5k words in and I have decided that Gobber is an ~ambiguous parent figure~ for Hiccup, although that has yet to come to play in the fic yet.
(Also I have yet to get to Astrid's POV although I feel I must have an Astrid POV because I need to put her family into fic, and also she is Bad At Feelings and being romantic and I need to contrast Hiccup's current depressed thought spiral with something else)
I'm putting a little snippet beneath the cut:
Here’s something interesting to know about Tuffnut Thorston: When he was fourteen, he trained under the Berk village officiator. He had been going through something at the time and had been really, really insistent on finishing the course despite the poor guy’s attempts to get him to stop pestering him. Eventually, through perseverance and a stubbornness rivalled only by the fiercest Gronckle, Tuffnut had an official certificate with the signatures of the officiator, the chief and Gothi herself to say that yes, he could officiate Viking union ceremonies. Tuffnut had promptly forgotten about this, shoving the certificate into the depths of his chest, because the new dragon training class had begun and the thing that he’d been going through had kinda fizzled out until it was as forgotten as the qualification. Forgotten, that was, until today. “We’re what?” Astrid asks, already reaching for her axe as Tuffnut recalled that little slip of paper and the despair on Halbjorn’s face. “Yeah, it’s all coming back to me now,” he says, apparently unfussed about his imminent demise at the edge of Astrid’s axe. “Yeah we had lessons for months. Halbjorn was weirdly opposed – I think he jumped off a cliff at one point – but I got that certificate anyway!” “Chief said we had to give him a sheep in recompense,” Ruffnut adds, nodding along to her brother’s story. Hiccup can already feel the despair setting in as Snotlout starts to laugh uncontrollably. He and Astrid were, by the law of Vikings and of Valhalla, married.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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iloveotters2000 · 3 months ago
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Still constantly overwhelmed, but I'm getting professional help, which is nice and leaves me hopeful. Maybe it'll give me the energy to maintain my friendships again because I have been self-isolating more and more frequently.
I still miss seeing her sometimes, but it's more the concept of her I think. And the concept of someone who understands me deeply. Someone who feels the same emotional turbulence. She's hurt me though by (I feel) distancing herself, cancelling activities last minute, making me feel like I'm not important (which was even more present when we were dating and everything went south). I still like her as a person, but because she struggles w the same exact issues it is hard to get a sense of security and safety in our relationship...it's also hard to maintain boundaries when we were once closer than just friends.... It's not a very healthy dynamic, although I don't want to admit it and I especially don't want to lose her....
#it's attachament and recognition of myself etc.#maybe I have to start focusing on my own life instead of wanting to fix hers or give her a sense of belonging and care for her#I should probably do that for myself#anyway...not officially diagnosed but Im somewhere on the bpd spectrum.#therapist thinks so too#and Ive been through soooo much with my depression getting slightly better#which meant I became more impulsive so.#the situationships and drama and self-inflicted pain were a little too much this year#ended up in the ER for the second time in two months last week#which of course makes me feel like a burden or an attention seeker#I'm old enough to know my limits and not drink myself into a coma...maybe somewhere deep down it was to feel like a person#and I also made out with this American girl who was really kind sweet and beautiful#but I ruined that by becoming inconscious and being sick lmao#she wasnt doing that well either#anyway. I have to tell myself never again. But it's such an easy way out of my head and ok I don't feel better in the long run#but it numbs my depressive and anxious feelings for a little while#I need better coping#Put that on the list I have to talk to the crisis team about#and my internships are killing me#my perfectionism + fear of failure + extreme procrastination is just unpleasant for everyone involved and makes me feel like shit about mys#why can't i just be normallllll#sorry for the rant it needed to go somewhere#let's be real being a lesbian and usually getting crushes on bi girls with mental health issues is not for the weak lmaoooo#cz i can feel sooo inferior to the men they've dated or are attracted to#They just have so many options and I think there's a sense of truth to the idea that men are easy.#I mean go out and you'll find a man willing to go home with you literally everywhere. women have standards haha#maybe Im just insecure#I love bi girls though. All queens#it's definetely a me issue. I'm aware!#+ I literally can't complain I'm emotionally unavailable af
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mothofmyth · 19 days ago
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DC x DP
The Justice League summons the ghost king.
Unfortunately, the safest way JLD can find requires a host body to contain the being.
Obviously Superman, Wonder Woman, and Flash are out - who knows what this being would do with a super-powered body. They have no idea how Captain Marvel or Green Lantern type magic would interact with the summoning, so not them either. They need Constantine and Zatanna to perform the ritual.
Basically it's down to the bats.
Batman tries to volunteer - better him than one of his kids if anything were to go wrong.
That gets vetoed. As do a lot of his offspring. The safest options (ie the least contaminated by magic, lazarus water, time shenanigans, and everything else) are Red Robin, Spoiler, and Nightwing.
Nightwing pulls rank.
After a lot of arguing, everyone at least agrees to tolerate the arrangement.
Nightwing removes every possible weapon from himself, allows himself to be tied to a chair in the middle of a summoning circle, and waits for JL Dark to complete the ritual.
It's not long before he feels a surge of cold burning through him.
He expected to be unconscious while the Ghost King took over. That's what Zatanna said had been reported the last time this ritual was performed many years ago.
They had all expected a lot of things.
Pariah Dark was supposed to be terrifying to behold - a massive, cruel, FURIOUS dictator who turned to violence at the smallest sleight.
This was... definitely not that.
Dick was present. He had no control over his body, but he could see and hear in an almost dream-like state. Foggy and indistinct, maybe a little warped, but definitely present.
He felt his heart rate and breathing pick up in panic even though he felt mostly calm (or at least no more anxious than he had been, waiting for an angry deity to possess his body and all). It was a strange sensation.
He felt the vibrations of his own voice as it left his throat, high and confused.
"Wha... Where..." It asked, warbling and afraid.
He felt his eyes blink and his limbs struggle against the bindings.
His head tilted down without his say so, and he looked at his own body as if through rippling water, warped lenses.
"I'm not..." His voice came out, still confused. Still afraid.
"Your Majesty?" Zatanna asked from beyond the limits of the circle.
His head whipped up, and he felt his neck click at the abrupt motion.
His breathing picked up again. Dick felt the ghost (pun not intended) of anxiety, like it was leaking from the other consciousness inhabiting his body.
"We mean you no harm. Our associate has agreed to lend you his body for the duration of this meeting." She continued.
Dick felt the king's anxiety again, stronger this time. Other emotions too, guilt, sorrow, anger, and a strange sort of pressing-tugging sensation.
Suddenly, Dick was back in control. He could still feel the king's consciousness, stronger now than before, but he could also move and speak freely.
"What just happened?" He mumbled, speaking to the ghost, not the audience of heroes.
"Nightwing?" Someone called from outside the circle, but he ignored them for the moment, feeling instead the consciousness inhabiting his body push back fear, guilt, and apology.
"Yeah, it's me. He's still in here, though." Dick frowned, trying to figure out how to interact with the being.
He heard a voice in the back of his mind. It sounded like him. It sounded different. It was younger than him. It was small and afraid. It was neutral and quiet and him. But it wasn't. It was speaking. It was silent. It was emotions and thoughts and nothing.
"Oooookay, this is really weird. I think we're communicating. I don't know how to talk back, but if he's in the same situation I was a minute ago he should be able to hear us just fine. Is that right?" Nightwing tried.
The 'voice' (he figured he'd call it a voice for now. He wasn't sure what else he could call it) responded in the affirmative. Like a hand outstretched, flipping up and down in a 'kinda' type of gesture. Like a nod and a hesitant smile. The feeling of victory by default.
Dick beamed.
"Okay yeah he can hear us." He announced for the benefit of their audience. "Why didn't you stay where you could speak? Wouldn't that have been easier?" He looked at his own chest, as if he could somehow find a way to see the presence inside of him.
Disgust. Guilt. Fear. An unexpected step at the bottom of a staircase. Falling off a pier into tempestuous water. A stranger pinning your hands above your head.
"Oh." Dick breathed. "Thank you, but I can handle it."
Guilt. Guilt. GUILT.
"Okay. It's alright. You can speak through me or we can manage like this." He soothed.
"Nightwing, report." Batman demanded.
"Uhh, right. I think he's trying to be courteous? To me, I mean. From what I can gather, he doesn't want to possess me or take over. He seems pretty repulsed by the idea, to be honest. I think he can see and hear and generally experience everything I'm experiencing, he's just more passenger than driver? I can feel him, and he's communicating, he just can't speak through me without taking my autonomy again, and he really doesn't want to do that." Dick explained, looking at the various states of thinly-veiled bewilderment across the faces of the heroes.
"Ask him if he's Pariah Dark, High King of the Infinite Realms, Ancient of Rage and Destructio-" Constantine begins, before Dick cuts him off
"I just said he can hear everything we're saying. Ask him yourself."
Constantine huffs. "You heard me, mate. Are you him?"
Denial. Contemplation. A battle. Single combat. A crown made of black thorns and green flames. A throne too big for he who sits in it. Victory. Desperation. Insufficiency. A question.
"I think..." Dick starts, trying to understand. "I think he's the King... but he's not Pariah Dark."
Agreement. Apology. Questioning.
"He wants to know if we're looking for Pariah Dark, or if we're looking for the High King of the Infinite Realms." He glances between Zatanna and Constantine, uncertain of the answer himself.
Constantine pales.
"Whatever is inside you defeated the ancient of Rage and Destruction in single combat, Nightwing. It's a powerful motherfucker, and a total unknown." He warns cautiously.
"Get him out of there, now. Send it back." Batman demands.
TERROR. Pleading. Unbearable suffering. Shiny metal dripping with green blood. The end of love. Unfathomable loss. Death without release. Unending torment. Begging.
"NO!" The voice tears its way out of Nightwing without his consent.
Cowering. Apology. Apology. Guilt. Apology.
Dick clears his throat. "I don't think he wants to leave."
"All the more reason to send it back." Batman growls.
"Don't." Dick protests. "I know it's a risk, and there's a chance it's manipulating me. But, something doesn't feel right about all of this."
"Ghosts are well known for their skills regarding manipulation, mind control, and emotion tampering." Zatanna cautions.
"According to those dehumanising rags maybe," Constantine scoffs.
"Every source we have-"
"Two sources, Love. Both of which have a bit of a vested interest, wouldn't you say?"
Fear. FEAR. Frustration. Heartbreak. An unheard voice in a crowded room. A layperson lecturing an expert. Mockery. A spectacle of suffering. Lies. Hurt. Fear.
"He agrees with Constantine." Dick pipes in.
Exasperation. Reluctance.
"I don't think he's too happy about it." He laughs.
"Of course he agrees with Constantine, he's giving him what he wants." Red Robin huffs.
"He's afraid." Dick's voice cuts through the argument and the heroes turn to look at him. "I don't know exactly what's happening, but he's terrified of being sent back."
Zatanna sighs. "Let's do what we came to do, and then maybe we'll talk about letting him out."
(Something goes wrong and Dick and Danny end up stuck like this for a while.
Dick moves back into Wayne Manor while they try to figure out how to remove Danny from Dick's body without hurting either of them.
Everybody starts referring to Phantom as Dick's little passenger.
Eventually they repeal the Anti-Ecto Acts and find out all of the trauma Danny's been through via talking and dream/memory bleeding between him and Dick.
When Danny does finally manage to tumble out of Dick he is promptly adopted into the Batfam (what did anyone expect, he's a traumatised young teenager with black hair and blue eyes and barely any sense of self preservation).
In the meantime, however, Dick is happily going about his daily life with his little passenger, and Danny is still very traumatised but he's also contentedly curled up in Dick's chest, thrumming with happiness whenever Dick takes care of him.
Once or twice when Dick gets into Big Danger while vigilante-ing, Phantom forcibly takes over Dick's body to save him, using his ghost powers to fight the bad guy and escape the scenario. He cries afterwards because even though he needed to save Dick's life, he knows how terrifying and violating it feels to have someone else controlling your body (thanks Circus Gothica) and never wants to put anyone else through that.)
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faetealights · 1 year ago
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#sometimes i forget that . i am not immume to my.good things corrupting me#this is embarrassing sctuslly ..getting fuckign Anxious over a venus kazimi like.#dawg calm down oh my.god . ur gonna be fine. everything.sill be fine lol#for the greater good (my mental health)#but my god ppl om the internet know how to word things that do infact trigger me#n i can never tellcif i am being sensitive or not n i so infact .#it doesnt matter n yet . im crippling in fear over this shit ONCE again. for the rexord#i have bren doing my best toclike stay off the internet . it was doing my head in#but . anyeay whatever. its fjne im having a bad day apparently#n im staying home for wtv reason like . i wanna go out but im just .#i wanna try n save this money n get my cwllo fixed .#its the one thinf on my list im desperate tovget done#bc everything else will fsll into place after that . bc ill have something else i dnjoy to do w my time#n atm i want nothing more thsn tovjust practice . fuck the sheet music in tbe othet stuff i gotta organise#im . yea sorry .#WAITT my sister got a ptinter . i can print the sheet music i have ready to go.#besides im sure if i look hard enough i can find . my folder w my ensemblr worm#i have thought abt conquistador daily btw . she was so fun tocplay ah :(#n going out also means . Not e tirely sure if ill b awake before 1pm . bc this placr closes at like 2.#so . i do have to go to bed realtively early if i wanna do this . n i do. im biting thr bullet#im impuslivd but not when itll benefit me. go figure. anyway. i have just enough. ill be Fine .#worst case . my dad has these awful tailors i can chop up#and he can also buy my grocrties this week 👩‍🦯#worst case . i fkgure itnout somehow. i always do but . i gotta bite the bulley on this i cannot do this anymore#i need something else to occupy my time. n this is the one thinf i knoe for sure will be worth the investment#bc if not. i can literally just Sell it for like $300 (if its worth rven That lol)#like shes a good cello but damn shes dinged up and xhipped. im not paying for that to b fixed#it adds character.
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abbyslovergirlxo · 6 months ago
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Intrusion
Sevika x Ambessa x Reader
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Word count: 3.9k
synopsis; You, the pretty enforcer are tasked with retrieving very important documents from none other than Lead Commander Ambessa Merdarda. Sounds rather easy, until you see Silco’s right hand woman bent over her desk.
(Tw; dom!Ambessa, softdom!Sevika, wlw, overstimulation, degradation, enforcer!reader, strap on, sex, biting, sub!reader, sub!Sevika, crying)
Song: Love is a bitch, Two face
Side note: lmk if you guys like this and I’ll do another ambessa/sevika one shot. tbh I’m obsessed with them so I’ll probably drop it anyways lol. Also I’ve never watched the show so if anything is inaccurate don’t hate me, the characters are just fine shit. Anyways, hope u enjoy 🫶
When you first walked into the tall building, you hadn’t expected today to be such a troublesome one. Your commanding officer has tasked you with retrieving a few important documents from Lead Commander, Ambessa Merdarda. When given the task you did well to hide your excitement but nonetheless it was there. You had seen Ambessa, as an enforcer she was starting to become a regular face to be greeted by. But you’d never come close to her and the idea of that was intoxicating. You’d heard rumors about her, the war lord who never took no for an answer and never knew defeat. You’d admired her, her ruthlessness made her one of the most praised women in the world. One day you’d hoped to become as renowned as her. Knowing it was wrong and out of turn, you wondered if you’d be able to ask her a few questions about her strategies when you made it to her office.
The walls were decorated with precise and intricate details. White and blue and gold peeked all over. Sunlight peered in through the huge windows, everything about it screamed luxury. You nodded your head off to the guards posted at the large grand doors that led to the wing with Ambessa’s office.
Your heart jumped out of your chest over and over as you neared that golden and blue door. But you found courage once you reached it, letting off two swift knocks. Silence was all that met you. You decided to be a bit patient, not wanting to barge in. But as the minutes passed you remembered your commander's voice in the back of your head, pestering you about just how important it was that you got them.
Minutes kept slipping so with a slight irritation slipping over you, you respectively knocked two more times. There was a bit more force behind it this time but respectful of course. More silence was accompanied by it. You bit your lip, anxious and worried.
You knew that it wasn’t your fault that the Lead Commander hadn’t answered despite it being known that she was in her office. But you also knew the higher ups rarely cared about ‘excuses’ like such. If you were lucky you’d get chewed out in front of your comrades.
Usually you took any consequences head on, no matter how obscene, like the good soldier you were. But something made your stomach churn to delay the delivery of something of such urgency. You took a deep breath, telling yourself that she’ll understand.
I ’m not knocking the door down or anything, she won’t mind…just open the door
You tried to have your thoughts aid your anxieties and it almost worked until you remembered the scowl on her face a week earlier when a fellow enforcer had approached her disrespectfully. Just the remembrance of such a glare sent shivers down your spine.
Somewhat cowardly, you decided to suck up whatever would inevitably be thrown at you when you showed up with no papers. Disappointed, you put your head down, ready to turn.
Until a muffled groan slipped past the confines of the large door. If it hadn’t been for how observant you were, you undoubtedly would’ve missed it. But upon hearing it you flinched. Worry and fear overtook at the idea of what it could’ve been.
Was Ambessa ok? Had someone slipped into her office and hurt her? Is that why she couldn’t come to the door?
Without so much as a second thought, you bolted through the door, gun raised and finger steady over the trigger.
Any heroism brewing inside of you preparing to ‘save the day’ instantly dissipates. The scene in front of you was so lewd that you couldn’t do anything besides immediately re-holster your gun and attempt to leave. Unfortunately the attempt was halted, the panting voice of Ambessa reaching you.
“ Close the door. Turn around.”
For a second, you let your mind roam over the possibilities this could end with. You cursed yourself for your listening skills, wishing you’d never heard that noise in the first place. You remembered your comrades talking about some rather obscene things they’ve walked in on and they found pretending worked best.
In a last ditch effort, you kept your eyes pointed at the large door. Hand still clutching the handle.
“ I was simply coming to retrieve the documents for Commander Brinman. I apologize for my intrusion, due to the noise, I assumed there was trouble. I will take my leave immediately and return to retrieve them later today if able, Commander Merdarda.”
You heard a chuckle followed by a whine to which you presumed was the brown skinned woman bent over the table, the ones whose legs shook slightly…
You shook your head slightly, cursing yourself once again for the blush that crept on your face.
“ I didn’t ask you for any of that information, little one. Close the door and turn around. That’s an order.”
Desperately you let out one last attempt. Your voice came out weak this time, that soldier formality leaving you.
“ I promise you, Commander Merdarda, that absolutely nothing that has taken place in this office today shall leave it. I swear it.”
“ Well I could’ve told you that. You don’t seem the chatty type, clearly not the listening type either… I won’t repeat myself on my previous orders.”
Her voice sounded less patient this time, so reluctantly you closed the door. The loud click sounded throughout the room, and not a moment after you turned your body to face them. Embarrassment settled on your face as you still refused to actually look, your eyes trained at the floor.
“ Eyes up here, don’t be so rude.”
The moment you looked up, she was already staring at you. Your chest rose and fell a bit faster upon seeing the sight, again. Ambessa stood proudly, muscles and chest exposed for you to see. And though her counterpart did also seem to have muscle you immediately deduced that she wasn’t in the same state Ambessa was. Her hair fell over her face, pants crumpled around her ankles as she lay there, still shaking.
Ambessa smiled at you, but it was clear that it wasn’t a friendly one.
“ Look, we have a guest. Have some manners, or do you undercity dogs not have any of those?”
The harshness yet playfulness in her tone made you shift your legs slightly, still staring at Ambessa. The woman beneath her simply grumbled something but you didn’t catch it. It was hard when your heartbeat was thrumming out of your ears practically.
Ambessa rolled her eyes, using her large hand to tug at the hair of the woman. Another grumble left her, this time clearly more strangled. Guiding her head to look up at you, you nearly collapsed onto the floor upon seeing her face. Sure a few strands still protected her but you’d know that face anywhere.
Any enforcer would. Sevika, Silcos right hand woman. Instantly you scrunch your face up at the sight, luckily Ambessa was nice enough to drop her head back onto the desk, of course not before she forced a ‘hello’ out of her.
“ What to do with you now, hm?”
That question alone was enough for you to not care that Noxus’s Lead Commander was fucking a known criminal in her office, worried about your own fate.
“ Like I said, Commander, I’ve seen nothing. I’ll say nothing.”
She frowned, almost as if she was bored by such a response.
“ I thought we already discussed that. I think you’d be much more interesting with all those clothes off.”
The blush you fought so hard to keep down came back with a vengeance. You stammered over your words but nothing actually came out. You peered over at Sevika, noticing that Ambessa was in fact still inside of her.
“ C-commander… I’m a s-soldier…”
“ Soldiers don’t like getting fucked?”
Your insides boiled at the thought. Your mind fed you images of your legs open, trembling like Sevikas, Ambessa large hands able to reach every and anywhere. It should’ve made you recoil, have you running out of the office and shouting for anyone nearby to come and see the ungodly actions happening in this very room. But it didn’t. It made your breath hitch. Desire pounced at you over and over. You’d always been trained to be the perfect, obedient, and efficient soldier. But there was nothing perfect about the way you gave in so easily to that little voice inside of your head.
You’d be lying if you said everything about the sight of them didn’t make your knees weak. You’d always preferred women but there were no women like Sevika and Ambessa where you’d come from. The disgust you felt for that Zaunite hunched over that desk held no weight against your attraction for her.
“ Well, child, what’ll be?”
“ Nobody will find out…right?”
Ambessa smiled evilly at the question. Yet she ignored it all together. She knew you were going to strip anyway. She knew it the moment you locked the door on your own will, she’d never told you to do that. And oh how she loved the look on your face as you accepted your situation, deciding that Ambessa was never going to give you such security in her answer.
Slowly but carefully you tugged at your clothes. Something Ambessa also hadn’t instructed. She held back a sly comment, picking up on how eager you were. And she didn’t miss the way Sevika clenched around her suddenly, as she watched you strip off the rest of your clothes. You hadn’t noticed either of their staring but god did you feel it.
If your parents were here they’d be so disappointed in you, hands trembling as you showcase your bare body to two women who looked like they were looking at dinner. But you had no space to harbor such a thought, not when Ambessas braid swung slightly, beckoning you over. You moved swiftly, that certain soldier walk about you.
“ Quite nice…”
Ambessa shamelessly checked you out, her eyes lingering concerningly long on your breast. You simply shrink beneath her gaze, her very presence demanding authority. And you saw no reason to grant her anything other than that.
“ How lucky I am, I’ll have to thank Brinman for sending such a pretty one. Alright Sevika, be a little useful for once. Make sure to devour her properly.”
“ Lay down for me then, pretty.”
You’d never heard her voice before. You hadn’t expected it to sound so enticing. Her low eyes and hanging hair made you desperate to be devoured, even if it was by a criminal. You nodded quickly, nervously laying on the desk, your pretty legs spread in front of a bent over Sevika. Ambessa pressed the strap deeper inside at the sight of it causing Sevika to grip the table. The sight the Wolf had infront of her made her want to eat you both alive. From her view she could see everything, your nervous face as Sevika trailed kisses up your thigh, Sevikas sweaty back exposed and flexing as she moved about. She also couldn’t miss the way your cunt clenched around nothing as the Zaunite got closer to that spot that you really needed to be touched.
As planned, the moment Sevika finally did start licking vigorously at your clit, Ambessa started her thrust back up again. Her pace was brutal, even you could tell despite the loud whines that slipped past your mouth. Sevika moaned aggressively into you, not able to contain herself.
“ Look at you two, filthy.”
“ o-oh god…commander–”
You moaned out for Ambessa despite the intense eye contact you held with Sevika. Her grey eyes bore into yours and you worried that alone might get you off faster. If Sevika had a piece of sanity left she would’ve told you to say her name, moan it out in that pornographic tone of yours. But Ambessa was ruthless, hitting her in all the right places. And this pace was no issue for her, her stamina was horrid and she had no signs of fatigue. Sevika trembled and pushed against her rhythmically, not wanting the pleasure to end.
Her eyes rolled repeatedly, struggling to hold that eye contact with you. But you didn’t mind it, quite the opposite. It made you bite your lip at the thought that every vibration that she set off into you was because of the tall woman behind her. To know every time she rolled her eyes she was closer to the edge, drove you crazy. You almost pulled at her hair, wanting her even closer. But cowardice struck your heart, secretly intimated of the strong wanted criminal from Zaun.
Pleasure overwhelmed you as Sevika continued, her face now drenched from everything you were giving her. You whined at the sight, noticing the wet glisten on her nose and chin.
Your hips bucked at her mouth over and over and over. Until that burning sensation was becoming unbearable.
Obedient as ever, you wailed out a request. Ambessa watched hungrily as your legs shook around Sevikas head, wetness dripping onto her leg from Sevikas cunt.
“ please! can I…c-can I come?”
“ I’m not the one between your legs.”
With tears in your eyes and your hands clenched, desperate to not let go until someone, anyone, told you that it was ok. Sevika nearly melted seeing the way you pleaded with her before even saying anything, your lips trembling. Her own orgasm was approaching quickly.
“ p-please…sevika…”
Through broken moans and stutters, “ yes…god yes.”
Ambessa smiled as you whispered a pathetic thank you, your body at war with itself while you finished all over her face. Ambessa could tell she was close, it was obvious from how hard she was pulling it in. Sevika still ate at you desperately despite you having come, instead of relenting she simply pulled your thighs in with her arms, trapping you.
Ambessa had told her to devour you properly, and she wasn’t going to do anything but that. She did falter at her speed for a second, once she heard Ambessa demand for her to finish ‘all over her cock’ and quote.
You whimpered out pleads and begs, but neither listened. All you could do was paw at her strong forearms which clearly was no match for you. And Sevika hadn’t even noticed the scratch marks you gave her, her own orgasm so intense that she was lost in it. And being the cutting woman she was, Ambessa fucked her throughout all of it, until she was satisfied with the alien sounds she pulled from Sevikas throat.
Sevika did stop once Ambessa pulled out, heaving and shaking. And yet she did manage enough energy to leave a few extra peppered kisses on your wobbly thighs.
“ Who would’ve known the brave enforcer made such noises?”
Her voice was one of pure velvet, it made something rush through you. Everything about Ambessa made you go crazy. Yet you didn’t respond, ignoring Ambessa who now was behind you, head in your neck leaving bruises on it. You only whined, breathing rapidly. Her rough hands rubbed all around your breast and stomach.
“ What would your comrades think? You’ve just opened your legs to a wanted criminal, quite easily as well. Did you enjoy it? Having a Zaunite eat your cunt?”
Her words were so vile and you had no answers for her. You couldn’t even think straight, let alone entertain such nasty comments. Instead you opted to begging, not caring how filthy you looked in front of them anymore.
“ can I have more, please?”
Ambessa noticed now that your begging was no longer only directed towards her, your desperation for permission now being sought out from both of them. She didn’t mind. If anything it made her day a whole lot more interesting.
She smirked into your neck before pulling away, looking down at Sevika who no longer was bent over. Instead she now stood tall too, her naked body making you blush. Sevika knew she held no authority when it came to Ambessa, it was obvious. But you? Those lustful eyes peering up at her, awaiting any instruction, so long as it meant they touched you, drove her further into corruption.
Ambessa simply stared at Sevika, allowing her to answer.
“ Since you asked so nicely. Go ahead and open these up for me.”
She tapped at your thighs that you now had shut. Obediently, you opened them. Ambessa left your side, making you miss how warm she was. You heard her rummaging through something behind you before you saw her hand Sevika a stark black toy. Your arousal spilled down your legs as you patiently watched and waited. You grew alive with anticipation as you watched Ambessa grip the back of Sevika’s neck, whispering something in her ear. It left you curious after seeing the way Sevika’s eyes furrowed and she clenched Ambessa’s wrist desperately, nodding softly.
Ambessa left her to come back to your side, this time though she towered over you, cupping your face in her hand. It was surprisingly gentle, the way she rubbed her thumb back and forth. She studied you, finding it enticing how pliable you were, legs open and ready for them to do anything to you. She wanted to leave you clawing at the floor by the time she was done with you and from the way you easily slumped into her hands, she knew she could.
All that distraction made you oblivious to Sevika having a strap now attached to her as well. Sevika walked in front of you, pulling your legs suddenly so that your cunt was mere inches away from her cock. You bit your lip, one hand gripping the table and the other squeezing Ambessa’s wrist that now sat on either side of your face.
Sevika smiled down at you, allowing you to finally get a clear view of her gapped teeth. You nearly swooned at the sight of it. You hadn’t noticed how gorgeous she truly looked with all the hair that previously stuck to her face. But now you could see everything, her plump breast, her large thighs and strong arms, and that fucking smile.
“ Just relax, sweetheart. I know you’ll do good.” She dipped two fingers inside of you causing you to let out a small moan. Sevika made sure to get every bit of them wet, it wasn’t difficult at all, the constantly leaking proving just how good her tongue had been to you. She almost didn’t want to pull out, loving how warm you were inside. But that all went out the door the moment she saw you throw you back after she drew sticky circles around your clit lazily.
“ You’re so fucking wet, I was that good?”
You nodded mindlessly, grinding your ass softly against the desk. Ambessa gripped your chin gently causing you to suddenly open your eyes.
“ Manners, little one. She asked you a question.”
“ yesss,i-it’s so good, it’s a-all sooo good…”
You struggled to get it all out, broken up but moans and wails. The speed of her fingers was blinding by now. But she didn’t want you to cum, not yet. She ripped her fingers away, giving a faux sympathetic glance.
Sevika gripped your thighs as she lined the toy up with your cunt, making a slight show of the sounds it made as it moved back and forth between your lips. You bucked your hips desperate to actually put it inside, you didn’t have to wait long before she was sinking it all the way in. She was slow to enter, sure to not hurt you. But she assumed that’d be difficult to do considering you were practically drenched.
Ambessa itched with lust as she watched the way Sevikas thrust picked up, her stomach flexing and growing wet from you. You moaned out her name hoarsely, grateful that finally something was being done.
“ So pretty… this cunt is fuckin—- ngh… perfect.”
Sevika groaned out, feeling the harness rub against her throbbing clit. She looked up at Ambessa, eyelids low and mouth hung open, panting.
“ Fuck her faster.”
She didn’t dare disobey, picking up the speed immediately. You cried out, feeling it hit inside of you even deeper. Your poor cunt clenched around it, hungry for more. Your whole body felt hot to the touch. You thought you were going to die, not sure how much longer you could hold on despite her having just started.
Sevika moved your legs so that they rose straight up, pulling you even deeper allowing her thrust to drive you insane. You felt her hot breaths against your calf, her breast brushing against your bare skin. Her moans grew louder but it was impossible to overtake yours, your throat ripping out the most obscene noises. You met her thrust as best as you could, knowing you could never get enough of the pleasure she was giving you, even if it was overwhelming.
“ C’mere.”
You felt Ambessa suddenly capture your lips, pulling your head up slightly to ravage you. She tasted like honey and you moaned into her. Her hands roamed all over, cupping your breast that bounced vigorously. She bit at your bottom lip, relishing in the way you whined her name, not commander, her name.
“ ambessaaa.”
She secretly crumpled at sound. Typically she’d have corrected you, and told you to do better with your etiquette. But she couldn’t bother with that when you were shaking now, you and Sevikas orgasm clearly close.
“ fuckkkk! m-m gonn— no!”
You screamed louder than ever, still desperately kissing at Ambessa’s scarred face. The pair admired your discipline, fighting off the orgasm that you knew threatened to spill at any moment.
“ ‘bessa! s-sevikaa! can I— cum! can I please?”
Sevika was so far gone, ignoring your question. She stuttered her thrust, biting into your ankle as her orgasm grew closer. Ambessa gave uncharacteristic sympathy, filling in for her. She leaned down even closer, whispering in your ear.
“ Sevika’s been doing such a good job, hasn’t she?”
A tear slipped down your face as you nodded, whimpering more and more. She kissed the tear away, loving how they so easily fell down your face.
“ So how about we let her cum first, have some etiquette? How about that?”
Quite sure it wasn’t a question, you only offered a pained yes. Sevika sped up slightly making you claw at Ambessa’s hand that rested on your breast. Sevika came silently, her mouth forming into an ‘o’ as she fucked herself through her orgasm while also fucking you.
You looked up at Ambessa, pleading. She shushed your cries, telling you to let go for her and Sevika. And Sevika despite being overstimulated continued to fuck you enthusiastically, refusing to not let your pussy cry for her again. And cry it did, you came so hard on her cock that you saw stars. Vision blurry and body weak, you trembled beneath both of their stares.
You heaved, struggling to catch your breath. But Ambessa noticed you trying to say something. She rubbed your face again leaving bruised kisses on your chest.
“ Speak up, mumbling won’t do much.”
��� more…please”
Sevika, whose chest also struggled to catch breath, made eye contact with Ambessa. Your mind was a heavy haze, not able to concentrate on anything. But you did capture Ambessa’s commanding voice.
“ You heard her, Sevika. Do it again.”
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peachesofteal · 1 month ago
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Raspberry Girl Previous + masterlist + AO3 Simon Riley/female reader CW: light daddy kink Flashback to the first time Captain Riley met Raspberry girl.
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The bakery is slow. 
He’s only been coming here for a few days, but he’s already figured out the best time to stop by so he can avoid the crowd. Before eight hundred, it’s always packed, too many people in line for tea, coffee, breakfast, pastries, half of them headed to base, the other half to somewhere else. 
He starts his day early, and then swings out here for a mid morning breakfast, or coffee, depending on how his day has gone. Usually, it’s filled with paperwork and overseeing training exercises, all of it as boring as the next. He welcomes the reprieve of a pastry, a togo container closed over a massive raspberry sweet roll (or two) that he usually eats in truck before he makes it back to base. It’s hard to leave it alone when it’s sitting in the passenger seat, waiting for him. He fucking dreams about things at this point, their sweet dough and cream cheese icing, raspberry jam, he assumes, swirled in every layer. If he’s lucky, he arrives just after or before a new batch is brought out, and they’re still hot. 
A few tables are occupied inside, people with headphones in clicking away on laptops, or casually chatting over a tea. It’s never too quiet here which he appreciates, there’s always music flowing, and noise coming from what he assumes is the kitchen, hidden behind a typical swing door you’d see in any restaurant. 
The familiarity is comfortable. There are no surprises, usually. 
Except today, something new catches his eye. 
You. 
You’re holding a plate of flaky pastries of some kind, standing at the edge of the counter. Mara, the girl who usually works the register, makes coffees and teas, plates or packages things from the case, is giving you her full attention as you speak. 
You stun him. Perfect from head to toe, beautiful in a way that’s making him believe you were created just for him. 
A possessive pulse pounds under his jaw. Locked in just at the sight of you. 
“They have nuts in them. Almonds. But they’re sl-slivers, so they’re just… they’re hard to see. So uh… make sure I guess, that people know?” 
“Okay, I’ll put it on the sign.” She holds the little placard up and you nod approvingly. 
“Right.” Like you’ve been holding your breath this entire time, your chest deflates shakily. Gun shy. Anxious. Fearful. 
Precious thing. 
That craving inside him perks up, hones in. Heat seeking missile. 
For once, it’s not only sexual. Not only about keeping someone for the night, the morning, putting all his energy and care into them just to cut that cord, close himself off and send them on the way. 
No. This is different. This is more. 
“Can I get one of those to go?” The guy waiting at the counter in front of him points to the plate. “Almond croissants, right?” You tense. There’s a lapse, and he can see your gears turning, sifting, before finally settling on something. 
“Sure?” 
“Sure I can get one, or sure they’re almond croissants.” You flinch. It would be hardly noticeable to someone else, but to him, it reveals another piece of the puzzle. You picked the wrong thing. He knows could soothe this burn, honor these parts of you that don’t seem to fit in, keep your mind, your heart, safe. Love you in the ways you desperately need. 
“Oh. Yes.” You nod, sliding one into the bag and pushing it across the counter as Mara cashes the man out, only looking up once he’s turned to leave. 
It only takes a second before you’re locking eyes with him. 
You freeze, and swears there’s a whisper of a whimper. Mara gives you a curious look, and then follows your line of sight right to him, her mouth quirking to the side in a small smile. Your hands clasp together at your waist, fingers interwoven. Immediately, they clench around one another so tight, he wonders if it’s hurting you. He wants to pull them apart, cover them with his own, hold them. Hold you. 
His instincts are churned up. They scream at him, trying to run away with a fantasy of a future. 
He thinks briefly of John and Grace, his old captain’s little blueberry pie, a sweet girl watching a movie and curled up on her daddy’s lap. His jealously is not from a desire of Grace herself, but of the relationship, the life John has carved out for himself, the purpose, the control, the ability to tend and care for someone who can give themselves so endlessly, be so trusting they let all their defenses go and fully let go. The love.
He’s never thought it was the right time for him, but now he knows he was wrong. It was never about the right time. 
It was always about finding you. 
Mara must see something, because she clears her throat and says your name, nodding in his direction. 
“This is Captain Riley.” Military brat, she knows the rank of every uniformed person who sets foot in here, and always addresses them as such. You gulp. 
“It’s n-nice to meet you.” Mara fills the gap quickly, nonchalantly, trying to ease your discomfort. 
“Captain Riley is the one who buys out all the raspberry rolls.” You brighten. 
“Really?” His chuckle rumbles in this throat. 
“Really. Think I eat two or three a day now." He pats his stomach, and you grin, before it gets lost immediately, unsure, glancing at the ground. 
“G-good, That’s… I’m glad.” It’s enough of a starting point. He can’t push too hard. You’re already trembling, looking up at him now, both with trepidation and wonder. Mara’s boxed up his order, quietly placing it in front of you, and you’re careful when you pick it up, handing it over like you’re handling a bomb, lips parting when he touches you. He forces the contact, intentionally brushing his fingers against yours, pleased when there’s an immediate reaction, a sharp inhale, a bob of your throat. He gives you a very gentle smile. 
“Thank you sweetheart.” Your eyes go incredibly wide, and you squeak. 
“You’re welcome!” He’s unable to get another word out fast enough before you’re practically running into the kitchen, door swinging wide enough for him to see just inside, eyes like saucers, nervous smile stretched across your face, your hands brushing your apron repeatedly, even though the batter and flour crusted on it doesn’t move. 
Precious, sweet little girl. 
You need someone to take care of you. Someone who will carve out space for you to exist, without fear. Someone who will understand your needs and instead of trying to force you to go where you don’t fit, they’ll protect you, encourage you, hold your hand. Someone who will build you a castle, a fortress, an entire world, just so you can be yourself, be happy as yourself, not a person the world wants to change. 
You need him. 
You need a daddy. 
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caramelkoo · 4 months ago
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no questions asked— jjk
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Jeon jungkook wants nothing more than to get settled with his girlfriend, but what if her fear of commitment makes him take a step back? Will he do it, or will he be able to changer her mind for good?
pairing : Jungkook X reader
genre : established relationship, smut, fluff
word count : 6.6k (im begging for forgiveness)
Based on this ask <33
warnings : nsfw, strong language, mature, oc is an anxious girly (same), mentions of emotionally unavailable parents, jungkook is a man of dreams, simp boyfriend jungkook, car sex, unprotected sex (be safe), begging, reference of titanic if you squint, yeah that's pretty much it.
a/n : this took million business days lmao but finally it's here. the sweetest anon requested a drabble but i couldn't do it and as much as i tried to make it shorter, it got stretched to 6k words 😭 so im deeply sorry anon. the rest of you who enjoy longer fics, dig in. I love you guys so much, you might not know this but yall are my besties for resties. kisses. 💌
˚୨୧⋆。˚
Your boyfriend is going to propose to you.
Oh god
Oh. my. God.
Anxiety is not a foreign feeling for you. Although this time, it’s an indescribable sort. Something which is lingering in the deepest pit of your stomach for a lack of better word. Besides, there’s a mayhem inside your head, the voices are loud and intimidating, causing you to bite your lip to a point where they bleed while also staring at nothing. 
Jungkook has been nothing but secretive— the poor boy has no idea that you have already seen the navy blue box sitting inside his side of the drawer. You can swear it was totally unintentional.
In your defense, you had been searching for your glasses and that was the only place left to fish around. Nobody could have prepared you for the utter shock when your eyes fell on that box and so for a minute or two you just stood there, horrifyingly still and stunned. However, you recovered quickly, because to be quite honest it was about time one of you mustered up enough courage to ask the question.
It’s supposed to make you thrilled right? So why does something feel… off? 
“Penny for your thoughts?”, as soon as Cherry’s voice reaches your ears, you snap out of it and flash her a forced smile. 
“Yeah-” you begin, “Yeah uh- I’m just thinking about nothing in particular.” 
“_____ you’re an amazing girl but you gotta work on those lying skills.”
A chuckle leaves your mouth. You shouldn’t even have bothered in the first place, the girl can read you like a book. 
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours huh?” 
She picks up the book before scanning it with the barcode scanner all the while you marvel if you should tell her or just let it go, but then you also know how she would become a pain in the ass if you don’t spill the beans to her. Anyway, she can;t make you overthink it any more than you already have. 
You bite your lower lip before saying, “I feel like Jungkook is going to propose.” 
If looks alone could kill, you would have been buried deep by now with the way the man wearing an olive green cardigan, probably in his 50s, gives you side eye when Cherry drops the book with a loud thud on the counter. 
You wince.
“I’m sorry what?” 
When you subtly signal her to pick what she’s dropped, she takes a hold of the book, apologizes to the man who— you’re hundred percent sure hates your guts now, and resumes her work. 
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Ha! Girl you better start telling me more or none of us are going home today.”
She’s talking to you but her hands keep shuffling between scanning the books and expeditiously typing on the keyboard.
A spark of hesitation finds a way inside your heart. The thing is, you’re not sure. Do you want to marry the love of your life? Absolutely. Do you think you can keep the marriage going and stable? No. 
There you said it.
And that kills you because jeopardising your bond and connection with Jungkook is the last thing you want to do.
Maybe, it’s because nobody in your family has been able to keep their inner spark alive after they had gotten married or you might as well blame it on the relationship your own parents have had before your eyes. 
For everyone who couldn’t see past the walls of your house, your parents were an ideal couple. A pair who were equally efficient and successful in their respective areas of life. With your father being a renowned businessman and your mother holding the title of a world famous fashion designer, they couldn’t have been a better partner for each other, right?
Wrong. Too bad you had the honor of being an onlooker of their facade slipping away before getting replaced by their real impudent selves. 
But that’s all you could do though. You were merely just an audience. Someone who could see everything shatter before her eyes and not do a single thing to put an end to it. 
Constant fights, fuming with jealousy over one of them achieving more than the other, sabotaging each other.
All hell broke loose when they began making you take sides. 
You think mommy is better don’t you, honey?
You should be proud of your dad, ____. You’re living such a luxurious life thanks to me. 
For the love of god you were five. What does a five year old know about luxury or human ego? What could you have possibly known about who is better? In your eyes, they were your mom and dad and not some squish mellows placed side by side from which you had to take your pick. Let’s not even start with the emotional unavailability they provided you with.
A knot lodges in your throat and you struggle to get the words out. “I happen to see the box inside his drawer”
“You’re sure it had a ring inside- Wait, don't answer that”, she shakes her head as if she just asked the most ridiculous question ever.
No shit.
“But that’s a good thing right? I mean you guys have been seeing each other for a while now and marriage is the final stop.” she continues and you can’t help but feel terrible, because she is making sense. 
A sigh leaves you, “Yeah no- I mean yeah it is but I didn’t expect him to take the initiative so suddenly. No hints were dropped at all. Marriage is, gosh, I can’t believe I’m saying this but it seems intimidating to me.” 
The queue has finally dissipated at this point so she faces you fully showcasing her engrossment in your dilemma. The girl feeds off drama but refuses to get involved in one.
Her expression morphs into something between horrified and sympathetic. “_____, is that because of your parents?” 
Your heart skips a beat. This whole time you and only you had authority over this thought that your fear of marriage is deeply rooted in your own parents’ fucked up relationship. A belief that lay sly and unseen.
Only after those words left Cherry’s mouth did you realise how venomous they sound. It makes you aware that the fear was not as concealed as you intended to keep it. What are you supposed to do when you find out that somebody else knows about your deepest terrors? Run? Hide? Or simply not say anything? 
Your mouth feels suddenly dry. “What?” 
Cherry takes a hold of your palm and rubs it gently, “If it is, I want you to know that it’s not the case for everyone. Marriage is a beautiful concept, a lovely commitment. Are there some pitfalls to it? Yes. But that’s the beauty of it. The way two people come together and resolve them-”
Your phone buzzes inside your pocket causing you to flinch. Releasing your hands from her hold, you take it out and see your grandmother’s number stare up at you. 
“I’ll just be back.” you excuse yourself just as a woman places a stack of books on the counter.
˚୨୧⋆。˚
“Hey, beautiful” you greet her, a smile lighting up your entire face.
“My baby, did I catch you at the wrong time?” her voice is like a balm to your heart. So warm and comforting. It reminds you of your movie nights with her where you didn’t have to be anything or pretend. You just had to exist and she made it worth it. Always. 
“Now you know even the devil himself can’t stop me from talking to you.” 
A loud chortle reaches your ears and you imagine her throwing her head back, laughing. 
“I was calling to ask if you and your eye candy of a boyfriend are visiting home this year for thanksgiving, dear?” 
Dear lord, you can’t believe you forgot about that.
Your eyes widen, and just when you think you could bubble up some other lie, she speaks up, “You forgot, didn’t you?” 
Yeah, bold of you to assume you can do that and get away. You actually need to work on your lying skills. For whatever reason. You want to pluck your eyelashes out one by one because of how gloomy she sounds.
“I’m genuinely sorry, grams.” pinching the bridge of your nose you continue, “I’ve just been busy with work and barely making ends meet. I promise this is the first and last time I let it slip my mind.” 
With the job you have, there’s only so much cash you can count and while you would love to make a career out of writing, the thought of publishing your own book sends shivers down your spine.
Every time you open the draft a new mistake pops up, taking a percentage of your self confidence down the drain. You’re only human. A microscopic slip catches your attention and you start questioning your life choices. 
“Honey, come home and give yourself some time off, what do you youngsters like to call it? Oh yes, grind. Yeah?” 
It’s your turn to laugh. “Wow someone has been too into love island lately.”
Cherry raises her eyebrows from across the room and you mouth her the word ‘grandma’. She nods with a smile on her face, going back to work. 
A long stretch of silence hangs in the air before you hear her ask, “_____, what else is wrong?” 
The smile which has been adorning your face this whole time instantly drops. You blink.
Once
Twice
Thrice 
“I don’t understand.” Liar.
“You know what I mean, baby. I want you to tell me more, because I know something has been bothering you. What is it?”
Humans are so funny sometimes. They can be as close to you as your own soul and not have a hint of your torment. Meanwhile, there is your grandmother, who despite being so far away from you just….. knew. But again, it has always been like this hasn’t it? 
Whenever you got tired of your parents throwing stuff around the house, making each other lick the floors, trying to make their own and your life a living hell, she knew. 
She was the one who allowed you to cry, and assured you that she would not call you dramatic if she happened to hear your sobs.
You were allowed to cry,
You were allowed to ask for help,
You were allowed to not hold back.
Sucking in a deep breath, you release it, “Everything else is perfect, grams.”
Mr William is always the first person to greet you everyday when you reach the apartment. He’s been working as a guard for years now and you’ve grown quite familiar with him. While being the sweetest man you’ve ever come across, he also brings his wife’s yummiest tarts for you whenever she makes them. Arguably, they deserve more hype than they get.
“She knows how much you love her tarts” he says, making you feel immense gratitude towards his kindness. 
This particular night, he seems…. restless. He’s shifting from one foot to another as you shut the cab’s door behind you. Striding over to him, you mentally try your best to figure out his uneasiness. 
Clearing your throat, your throat as you ask, “Is everything alright, Mr William?” 
Only after he hears your voice, he gains his composure. Or so he tries. 
He hands you a piece of paper which feels a bit wet and you wonder what could have been so intense that the man began having clammy palms.
It’s nearly concerning, not to mention it doesn’t help with your own anxiety at all. If not, shoot it up. 
“Your boyfriend dropped by around lunch time, miss. He handed me this and asked me to give it to you as soon as you come back from work.”
He couldn’t have given it to you yesterday when he was with you in the first place? Weird.
“I see, but why are you so tense? Has something happened?” 
He pinches the bridge of his nose. “My wife has been sick and I was supposed to leave early but I figured it would be better if I gave it to you safely before going home to her.” 
Fuck
“You could have given this to me later. Your wife comes first, sir.” you gulp, “Please, I appreciate your gesture but she needs you more. Thank you so much and please let me know if I can be of help.”
He releases an empty chuckle. “Thank you, Miss” 
With one last nod you walk inside the building while also hoping he doesn’t call you for help. Not because you won’t do anything it takes to help him, but because you hope it wouldn’t come to it. The moment you shut the apartment door behind and turn on the light, the piece of paper steals your attention. Without waiting any further, you unfold it, coming across Jungkook’s writing. 
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The note alone feels like he whispered it into your ear before placing the softest kiss on your skin. Your lips stretch into a serene smile as you stride over to the bedroom, turning the doorknob as your gaze catches a purple bodycon resting on top of your bed. It is accompanied with a bouquet of pink tulips as well as a bar of Dubai chocolate. 
Your head that has been nothing short of a commotion is now finally at peace. Not entirely but at peace nonetheless.
˚୨୧⋆。˚
Jungkook was 12 when he went on his first roller coaster ride. He was, like every other child, afraid. Afraid that he might fall and hurt himself so bad, he wouldn’t ever be able to get up. The roller coaster had a massive drop followed by a corkscrew which took him upside down. Until the moment Jungkook saw a woman in yellow dress buying a bunch of tulips from the flower shop he very often visited, he had never felt his stomach bottom out as strongly as it did during that drop back then.
There she was, chatting with the florist as if they’re best friends. He could see her behind the glass picking out the pink tulips before sniffing them. Meanwhile, Jungkook stood across the road, soaked and enchanted as he wondered if he should ask for her number or chicken out. Eventually, the latter won. 
But here’s the thing, Jungkook is not one for losing. He hates losing, even the term makes him want to peel his own skin off. 
He saw her hair first, becoming curly locks reaching down to her waist and just above her hips. Granted that his line of sight only allowed him to see her side profile, he assumed she was gorgeous. It was not unlikely for him to see beautiful women on a daily basis, but something about her just sucked him in. His eyes could not leave her face and he believed even if they tried, he would pluck them out just to punish them. Was it weird that his hands itched to hold a woman he doesn’t even know? 
What’s her name?
Where does she live?
What’s her favorite color?
How does she like her coffee?
There’s a japanese phrase called koi no yokan which means that you eventually will fall in love with a person you meet. You’re going to grow so fond of that person that you would want to see no one by your side but them. She was that person for him. 
He rubs his hands for the nth time in a futile attempt to warm them up, waiting outside ____’s building. How is this evening going so slow? He has been here for perhaps half an hour now, so why does it feel like it’s been a decade? 
And funnily enough, the only person who can put him out of his misery is _____. At this point, the guy fears he wouldn’t be able to so much as look her in the eye, but not doing that will be the end of him too.
He looks down and lets his hands run over his black button down shirt, wondering if she would like it. She loved seeing him in black on the first date. A loud click clack of heels grab his attention, perking his ears up. He looked up and there she was in all her glory. 
Jungkook releases a breath and rubs his chest as if his heart hurts. As if it’s telling him how unworthy he is of this woman who is walking up to him, who may be as nervous as him but still chose him as her man. 
The woman who could have anyone she wanted wrapped around her pinky finger gave her days, nights and evenings to him. She smiled at him, for him and if he was lucky, because of him.
_____ stops before him while he’s still adjusting to the sight of her. “How do I look?” 
Unreal, exquisite and way out of his league.
He shakes his head from side to side, thinking of a single word that would suffice the answer to that. He fails and so instead he runs his fingers down her forearm until he reaches her soft hands and takes it into his own cold ones. 
Placing a chaste kiss on her knuckles, he begins. “My imagination of you in this dress has got nothing on this vision.” 
Her face morphs into the softest expression of love, “And exactly how many times have you imagined me in this dress, Jeon Jungkook?” 
He takes a step forward, his chest almost touching hers. “I can’t answer that. You want to know why?” 
“Why?” Her voice is emotionless. His thumb grazes her lower lip as he tries not to smudge her nude lipstick. “Because if I do, we’ll have to go back into your apartment and try not to wake your neighbours up.” She swats his chest and softly pushes him back, dissolving into a giggle. 
“You’re looking quite handsome yourself.” she says as her eyes shamelessly check him out. His sleeves are halfway folded stopping just below his elbow, beautifying his tattooed forearms.
He’s also wearing his favorite blue baggy jeans with his usual black chunky boots. The same ones he goes for when he knows _____ might not be able to bear the pain caused by her heels, so he ends up swapping them with the boots.
He would argue carrying her all the way to her apartment instead, but settles elseways. 
Jungkook opens the car door for her and only after she’s well seated, he runs to his side and takes off. 
The ride to the restaurant is quiet despite the obvious tension that doesn't go unnoticed by either him or her. As much as he would like to spend the rest of the night snuggled into bed with her, he knows there is something more significant than that. So instead he indulges in caressing her thigh. 
“After you, angel.” He places a hand on the small of her back. 
˚୨୧⋆。˚
The ambience looks straight out of the movies. Like a paradise. Violinists are playing a chorus of Fuck her gently by Tenacious D far across the room. 
Jungkook catches an unknown look on her face. “Something’s wrong?” 
She shakes her head, flashing him a smile. “I love this song.”
He places a tiny kiss on her temple. “I know, baby. C’mon.” 
You know how women have this killer instinct of knowing if and when somebody’s watching them? It’s like they have a separate pair of googly eyes on the back of their head to protect them from creeps. 
From the moment you have entered the place, the man in the wine shirt has been making a hole in your face with the way he’s been staring at you. 
Is your dress too revealing? Are you showing too much skin?
“Oh I forgot to tell you. Your grandmother called earlier today.” Jungkook disrupts your thoughts. 
You gulp down the last piece of steak before answering. “Let me guess she asked you to join her for thanksgiving?” He nods, a bright smile on his face. “I told her I would love to.” 
A cheeky smile unfurls slowly on your face. Jungkook loves your grandmother. Maybe a little bit more than you do. Just a tiny bit though. Last year when you and he visited her, he was the first person apart from you to get a hug out of her.
Your grandma is not much of a hugger by the way. Her hugs are totally exclusive. 
“I’m sure she loves having my ‘eye candy of a boyfriend’ there.” 
Jungkook snorts, placing his fork down. “She called me an eye candy?” 
He dissolves into a fit of laughter when you answer his question with a nod. 
“See now that’s the biggest achievement I have had in a while. I mean what are the odds your wife’s grandma calls your an eye candy-”
Something sours in your stomach. The steak here tastes awful or maybe it’s just you feeling pathetic that as soon as he says ‘wife’ your expression morphs into something so dreadful that it causes him to stop. What are the odds that you just gave him a reality check and dragged him out of a fool’s paradise?
“Angel, what’s-” 
You stand abruptly, cutting him off yet again. His eyes bob all over you, and then a sad frown puckers between his brows. 
“I’ll just be back. I need to use the washroom.” You say as you grab your handbag as quickly as you can before leaving him there. Confused and wondering what the fuck just happened?
Few minutes later, just as you’re walking outside the washroom and making a way towards your table someone’s voice causes you to stop midway. 
“Excuse me.” 
Turning to face the person, you come face to face with the same man from earlier. The one wearing a wine colored shirt along with a nasty expression. You believe he’s trying to look cocky but is failing miserably.
“Can I help you?” 
A slow smile spreads over his mouth. “I couldn’t help but notice that the man you’re here with seems to upset you in some way.”
An awkward chuckle leaves you. “The man is my boyfriend and I don’t think it concerns you if he’s upsetting me or not.” 
He walks a little closer. Oh no, this is bad. 
“Fair enough,” he shrugs, “But clearly he’s not being a good boyfriend, is he?” 
The audacity of this man.
You huff out a frustrated breath, “Listen, you need to shut up and stay within your limits. It’s not healthy going around poking your nose into everyone’s business.” 
His sly smile grows even more as he steps closer than before. 
The hair on your body stands up, and not in a good way, but in a very uncomfortable way. You suddenly regret the idea of leaving Jungkook’s side. Bad, bad decision. 
Currently, you have two options. You can either just walk off and act like nothing happened, which by the way, is a safe option or you can kick the man in the balls and then act like nothing happened.
Since you're much more accustomed to the former option, you decide to do just that but when his hands grip your wrist with an iron grip, you settle on the latter. 
You knee him between the legs with an intention to hurt him as he grunts in pain, his hands gripping where you just kicked him. 
“You fucking bitch.” 
Before he can say anything further, you storm off. Your phone buzzes inside your handbag and you automatically assume it to be Jungkook’s call. As soon as you spot him across the room, you feel the clouds parting, there’s a feeling threatening to arise. It’s something between protected and anguished. 
Anguished because you let your mind speak so deafeningly that it silenced the oh so loud love Jungkook has for you. And protected because you know for a fact that if he had any idea about what that man just did to you, he would not think twice before dragging him by the hair before bringing him to his knees in front of you to apologize. 
He stands once he sees you and you waste no time running towards him. Your arms go around him as you nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck. His arms immediately embracing you in return, securing you against his chest.
It feels warm.
Concern laces his voice as he says, “I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you. Breathe” 
You don’t even realise you’re panting unless he says that. You’re aware that at this point the way you flung yourself at him must have got everyone’s attention. But you genuinely don’t care. It might as well be an auditorium full of people watching you hug your boyfriend like an anchor, you just don’t care. 
You realise that’s exactly what Jungkook is. Your anchor. Someone who didn’t even ask as to what happened before he straight away began consoling you. 
His hand envelops the back of your head in a protective way while the other soothes your back. 
“Do you want to leave? We can leave right now if you want to.”
“Yes, please.”
His body shakes as though he just nodded. “All right, let me pay real quick and we’ll leave yeah?”
Your voice is muffled against his chest. “Yeah.”
You suck in a sharp breath as he lets you go. The small folder on the table grabs your attention. He opens it only to find a note inside of it saying— “It’s on me, gorgeous”. 
You can see the wheels in his mind turning, but before he starts asking you any questions which may or may not cause a breakdown of yours, you say, “I’ll explain it to you outside. Can we please go?” 
“Let me see wh-”
“Please?” He lets out a defeated sigh and nods. “Yeah- Yeah let’s go.” 
˚୨୧⋆。˚
At first when Jungkook saw that note, the first emotion that he felt was rage and a very serious one at that. But it was soon replaced by realization. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that something nasty went down after _____ left to use the washroom. Something he can’t wait to get to the bottom of. Nevertheless, he didn’t want her to be pressured to answer the more obvious question. 
Jungkook’s girl is attractive. She’s kind and empathetic and fucking stunning which makes her worthy of all the attention she gets. Of course men are going to want to be with her. 
Initially, it bothered him. A lot. 
Now, though? He’s grown rather used to it. However, it has never come to having someone pay for her in a restaurant. Even the thought of someone so much as speaking to her in an inhumanely manner makes him want to punch a hole through a wall. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” 
The silence is too loud inside the car. He can hear ____’s heart beating loudly or is it his own?
She’s leaning back with her head against the headrest. When she doesn’t respond, Jungkook speaks again, “_____ baby, will you please at least look at me?” 
Her eyes connect with his and he flashes her the softest of smiles.
Taking her hand, he kisses the inside of her wrist where he can feel her pulse. 
Thump thump thump. 
“I want you to give me something, angel. Anything.” 
He can see her gulp before admitting, “There was um… there was a guy outside the washroom and he kind of tried to force himself on me,” she closes her eyes for a brief moment, “Maybe I’m just being dramatic, but I handled him.” 
Jungkook’s stomach drops. He was right. His hands fly out to open the car door before _____ holds him back. “Don’t. I said I handled it.”
He turns back, his voice leaking with anger along with something more barbaric. “And I’m proud that you did, but if I don’t go in and beat that asshole into a new one I won’t be able to call myself a man worthy of you anymore. I need him to know that he can’t fuck with my girl and go about his goddamn day.” “Jungkook, please. I can’t take it anymore. Please stop.” 
And he does. For now. 
He leans back, running his hands over his face with frustration. For a few minutes he and ____ just stare outside the front glass of the car. The parking lot slowly gets empty as people leave for their homes one by one. 
Just when he thinks  _____ has dozed off, her voice reaches him. “Can I get one more hug?” 
“Come here.” 
He takes her into a warm embrace before kissing the top of her head, settling his lips there. His anger has yet not fully dissipated, but having her so close calms his heart. It calms his whole being. Her touch, her breath against his skin, her presence heals something in him.
Therefore, he made up his mind about spending his whole life with her. The little slip of words, which by the way was totally unintentional, soured _____'s expression and that didn’t go unnoticed by him. 
She’s scared but he fully intends to let her know that she doesn’t have to.
______ unwraps herself from his arms and pushes back. Just enough for their noses to touch.
She shakes her head, “Don’t give me those eyes.” 
Jungkook holds back a smile. “What eyes, angel?” 
“The same ones you give me when you want something dirty to happen. Those big brown eyes of yours.”
He lets a chuckle slip out. “I’m down if you are.” 
When she offers him her own laugh, gosh it’s as though he comes alive. If he could bottle up the sound, he would. Something passes in _____’s eyes. Lust? Desire? He can’t pinpoint. 
He wants to kiss the hell out of her though and he wants to do it desperately. Her eyes drop to his mouth and he takes it as a sign to lean forward and press his mouth against hers. 
Her lips part ever so slightly followed by her gripping Jungkook’s collar to bring him even closer. So close as if she wants their souls to intertwine. 
The feeling is very much mutual. 
She gets up from the passenger’s seat without breaking the kiss and straddles his lap. Her legs on either side of his thigh as their core’s touch. Jungkook is not sure how long he can endure this sweet pain of waiting. 
In all sincerity, he’s been holding himself back from the very moment he saw her walking up to him in that dress. Do with that information what you will. 
Now, he just wants to say fuck it and get inside her— only that he can’t, because he wants her to take her time and ask for it. Then and then only he will fuck her. If it’s inside this car then so be it. 
The kiss is electric and filled with passion, tingling his skin in all the right places as she matches his enthusiasm with her own.
______ pulls back with a deep breath, leaving Jungkook panting heavily. 
“Please.” she begs. 
A strand of hair falls on her face. He tucks it behind her ear. “Please what baby?” 
“Please fuck me, Jungkook. I want you so bad and I want you right now.” she whines.
He grins. “At your service, ma’am.” 
He hears _____’s light chuckle as he gets out of the car, carrying her with him while also making sure she doesn’t hit her head on the hood. She detaches herself from him once they’re out and settles in the back seat. Only after ensuring she’s comfortable enough, Jungkook follows her. 
His body lays on top of her and he wastes no time as their mouths collide. Her finger grip the hair on his nape and he groans with pleasure, his cock going thick. He rubs it on her lower stomach to show her how much he wants her, gaining a moan out of her. 
Jungkook’s head goes fuzzy with every passing second. He almost comes when she lifts her hips up and rubs a slow circle against his cock. 
“Fuck.” He groans, pulling back from the kiss. _____’s cheeks are heated and lips are swollen. He did that. Her man did that. 
Suddenly, he’s grateful for the tinted glass and his big car. 
_____ lifts her head up and kisses his sweaty cheek, swiping his forehead with her palm. “You’re sweating, honey.” 
“Yeah, I tend to do that in your presence. Do you know how hard it was for me to stay sane after seeing you look so unbelievably gorgeous?” 
She passes him a lazy smile, “You’ve always been so good at controlling yourself, haven’t you?” 
“Not anymore.” He sits up, knees on either side of her body and starts unbuckling his belt all the while panting with excitement. His pants slide halfway down letting his cock spring free. Thick, angry and leaking with precum. His shirt goes next.
______’s eyes flash with lust as she bites her lower lip. The straps of her dress have slipped down, leaving her tits bare and open for Jungkook.
“I’m gonna fuck you so good, baby.” he leans forward as she runs a hand up his bare spine, hooking her legs over his hip.
“Please.” she whispers. 
A loud thunder outside the car grabs Jungkook’s attention. Nice, he’s so horny he didn’t even realise that it’s raining. Another rumble of thunder drowns their panting breath but he still only focuses on the woman beneath him. The goddess of a woman who trusts him with her body. How lucky he is to call her his own. 
She brushes his hair out of his face, her thumb dusting over the mole on the bridge of his nose before her hand follows the path of his tattooed arm, his rib, his ass, until she wraps a fist around his dick. 
He pushes into her hand. “I need to grab the condoms from the console, angel.”
There’s a brief moment of silence, the car filling with the pants and whimpers before she says, “I want you bare. I’m on the pill.” 
Jungkook has never gone without condom nor has he considered going without one, but this woman right here just asked him to get inside her bare and fuck if it doesn’t tempt him.
And so he gives in, but not before asking, “Are you sure?” 
“As sure as one can be.” 
He nods, bringing his lips back to hers. His hand finds her thong under the dress as he slides it down her legs. Then he strokes a single line up and down her slit, wetting his finger with her cum. When he brings the same finger to his mouth and sucks on it, _____ all but whimpers. 
His cock follows next and he does the same with it, rubbing himself up and down her slit as he coats himself in her before he presses his thumb down on the head of his cock, curls his hips forward, and pushes into her. 
Tortuously slowly, inch by fucking inch. 
She’s so warm and tight for him. He’s not sure how long he can take before he shoots his load inside of her. 
“More.” she pleads, her face morphing into the most beautiful expression of pleasure. 
Jungkook pulls back and pushes again, watching more of a length disappear inside of her. He’s not even halfway in and she’s already crying out his name. 
Leaning in, he bites her neck in an attempt to give her his all. All his love, all his nights and all his life. The question is at the tip of his tongue but considering what happened inside, he quickly holds himself back. 
“You’re doing so good for me, my angel. Taking me so well,” He thrusts again. “You’re made for me, aren’t you?” 
She cries out. 
“What was that?” She throws her head back. “Yes. Oh my god” 
Thrust. “Yes, what baby? I’m gonna need you to say it.” 
Jungkook takes her nipple in his mouth, sucking on it until she cries out again, “I’m made for you. Fuck.”
He releases the nipple with a loud pop. “That’s right you are.” His pelvic bone is flush with hers, ____’s legs as wide as possible to accommodate him. She dusts her fingertips up and down his spine while he slowly kisses along her jaw.
When she pushes her heels into his ass, urging him to move, he pulls out part way before pushing back in again. 
She lets out a moan quickly followed by his own. _____’s hands run over Jungkook’s abs, nipples, and wrap around his shoulders. 
He’s fucking her slowly, taking his time, feeling her body and letting her feel his too. Every brush, every graze, every breath is precious to him.
Soft and intimate. 
So when the next words leave Jungkook’s mouth, he blames it on the moment. “Marry me.”
_____’s eyes which were closed earlier, savoring the very moment, pop open and his movement halts. 
“What?” 
“Fuck. Okay, I know this is not a position or place a woman wants to be proposed in, but I have to say this before I go insane. _____, I know you’re scared and I also know the reason behind it. Of course, I won’t ask you why you kept that part a secret from me, because I respect you and want you to take your time. But baby,” he brushes his thumb over her cheekbone, “I need you to know that I will die before I let anything like that go down between us. I love you so much you don’t even realise. Sometimes I even shock myself with how much I cherish you. You’re a gift to me, a gift which brings out the best not just in me but in everyone she meets.”
He places a small kiss on her forehead before continuing, “I can go anywhere, see everything but it still wouldn’t match the level of affection I hold for you in my heart. Still wouldn’t match the beauty of your smile, you amazing woman. You’re all I have ever wanted. So please, make me the happiest motherfucker in the world by saying ye-”
“Yes” 
‘What?”
“Yes, I’ll marry you. Now will you please shut up fuck me like you promised, husband?” 
He bites her jaw, “Oh, I’ll fuck you so nice you’ll be begging for more, wife.”
Soon enough, _____’s lower lip trembles as her orgasm takes over, and he has the privilege to watch it all. The fluttering of her lashes, the marks of her nail down his arm and the way she calls him her husband again when she’s able to find her words. 
He’s so gone.
About half an hour later when he asks her again as to what changed her mind about marriage, she says something so deep yet in such a casual way, he wants to cry. 
“When I hugged you inside, you didn’t ask questions. You just let me be and that may seem like a miniscule thing for someone else, but for me it was enough. Enough to stay with you until I turn all wrinkly and grey haired.” 
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