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dufferpuffer · 1 month ago

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Dumbledore shows a shittone of sympathy to House-Elves-! Why is he left out :'^(

He takes in homeless House-Elves. They can dictate their own pay. They can shape their own schedule. They can speak and act freely. They can protest their 'duties', unpunished.

He gives them shelter, the dignity of choice and the right of freedom. He doesn't make decisions for them. He treats them like a vulnerable class of people that needs respect and protection.

Dobby beamed very brightly, and happy tears welled in his eyes again. “And Professor Dumbledore says he will pay Dobby, sir, if Dobby wants paying! And so Dobby is a free elf, sir, and Dobby gets a Galleon a week and one day off a month!” “That’s not very much!” Hermione shouted indignantly from the floor, over Winky’s continued screaming and fist-beating. “Professor Dumbledore offered Dobby ten Galleons a week, and weekends off,” said Dobby, suddenly giving a little shiver, as though the prospect of so much leisure and riches were frightening, “but Dobby beat him down, miss. . . . Dobby likes freedom, miss, but he isn’t wanting too much, miss, he likes work better.” […] “Can’t house-elves speak their minds about their masters, then?” Harry asked. “Oh no, sir, no,” said Dobby, looking suddenly serious. “ ’Tis part of the house-elf’s enslavement, sir. We keeps their secrets and our silence, sir. We upholds the family’s honor, and we never speaks ill of them — though Professor Dumbledore told Dobby he does not insist upon this. Professor Dumbledore said we is free to — to —” Dobby looked suddenly nervous and beckoned Harry closer. Harry bent forward. Dobby whispered, “He said we is free to call him a — a barmy old codger if we likes, sir!” Dobby gave a frightened sort of giggle. “But Dobby is not wanting to, Harry Potter,” he said, talking normally again, and shaking his head so that his ears flapped. “Dobby likes Professor Dumbledore very much, sir, and is proud to keep his secrets and our silence for him.” ((GoF ch21)) “She still does not care for clothes, Harry Potter. Nor do the other house-elves. None of them will clean Gryffindor Tower anymore, not with the hats and socks hidden everywhere, they finds them insulting, sir. Dobby does it all himself, sir, but Dobby does not mind, sir, for he always hopes to meet Harry Potter and tonight, sir, he has got his wish!” ((Ootp ch18))

He see's that they are 'mistreated', 'abused' and 'forced'. He thinks what they endure is unjust enough that Wizards are owed severe karma for it. He thinks of House-Elves as intellectually and emotionally developed Beings - he considers them 'our fellows'. He thinks House-Elves are worthy of kindness and respect. That Hermione was right to say they should be treated nicely, even when they are mean, as they are often shaped by the cruelty of the Wizards around them.

“And,” whispered Harry, his hands curled in cold fists on his knees, “and Hermione kept telling us to be nice to him —” “She was quite right, Harry,” said Dumbledore. “I warned Sirius when we adopted twelve Grimmauld Place as our headquarters that Kreacher must be treated with kindness and respect. I also told him that Kreacher could be dangerous to us. I do not think that Sirius took me very seriously, or that he ever saw Kreacher as a being with feelings as acute as a humans —” […] “Kreacher is what he has been made by wizards, Harry,” said Dumbledore. “Yes, he is to be pitied. His existence has been as miserable as your friend Dobby’s. He was forced to do Sirius’s bidding, because Sirius was the last of the family to which he was enslaved, but he felt no true loyalty to him. And whatever Kreacher’s faults, it must be admitted that Sirius did nothing to make Kreacher’s lot easier —” […] The fountain we destroyed tonight told a lie. We wizards have mistreated and abused our fellows for too long, and we are now reaping our reward.” ((OotP ch37))

If the baseline for 'sympathetic to House-Elves' is Ron thinking they shouldn't suffer/die, Harry being Dobby's friend, Hermione clumsily trying to help (without taking into account how the House-Elves think) and Sirius being really intense about moral agency and integrity... ...I think Albus deserves a mention, at least. :^)

To add, though, to OP's good points on why there isn't more shit going on thats pro-House-Elf:

'over 96% of Hogwarts students were raised with the belief that house-elves are happy as they are'

Yep. And the thing is: House-Elves ARE happy as they are! They don't want sympathy. It isn't fake happy.

Dobby is a distinct outlier - both in his attitude and in how he was treated by his previous owners. He wants pay, he want's hobbies, he wants time off, he wants self-expression, he want's friends… All of those things disgust his peers. They even organize and take power for themselves AGAINST 'fairer treatment'.

Does that make it good or okay? No - they have no rights, no protections, no choice. If most House-Elves are happy with how they are being treated, that's cool beans - but the ones who aren't, like Dobby, have no way out. The ones who might want to get paid, perhaps for their own survival, have no frameworks to support them. That is horrifying. Hermione is right - they need more than what they have. It would be good if their culture and self-identity could move away from slavery.

But how do you fight for the freedom of someone who starts sobbing till their throat is raw with anguish at the thought…? Shoving coins and clothes in their hands is only going to hurt.

But changes beyond that rely on the Ministry… which means discussions about changing laws… which means paperwork and meetings… which means arguing with rich and powerful purebloods… maybe a new section being opened, with desks and employees and House-Elves... god, suddenly it became a lot of work on behalf of Beings who don't even want it to happen.

It SHOULD happen. Change will cause change. But it's not surprising that most just 'accept' that it is 'okay' as it is.

Don't you think it's a little weird that only Hermione (and even Harry to a certain extent) are the only characters who show any sort of sympathy to house elves throughout the books? It's understandable that purebloods and halfbloods don't see it because they are raised in a world that is deeply brainwashed by such prejudices. So, counting them out, but what about the muggleborns who know and understand what slavery is? Surely, some of them would be aware of it considering that Fred and George did too and the Hufflepuffs are said to live very close to the kitchen as well. Hermione also went around vocalising her cause to many people so they would have learnt about it at least then. Do you think that's just poor writing on JKR's part or are there deeper reasons for this?

Hey, Ron and Sirius also show sympathy for House Elves:

“You mean we ought to get them fighting?” asked Harry. “No,” said Ron seriously, “I mean we should tell them to get out. We don’t want any more Dobbies, do we? We can’t order them to die for us—“

(DH, Ch31)

“Hermione, will you give it a rest with the elf!” said Ron. Sirius shook his head and said, “She’s got the measure of Crouch better than you have, Ron. If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

(GoF, Ch27)

Don't take their characters away from them (yes, Sirius isn't nice to Kreacher, but that is personal).

And, I talked about this in literally my first post on here, but there aren't that many muggleborns in their world.

Like, in Harry's year we have Hermione and Justin, and we have Dean (who thinks he's muggleborn, though he's technically a half-blood, but we'll count him anyway) while everyone else in Harry's year is implied to be pureblood or half-blood. That means each year has, let's say 2-4 muggleborn students. If a year is 40 students, that's 5%-10% muggleborns. If the number of students per year is 100 like some of the "hundreds of students in the hall" lines imply, that would be 2%-4% muggleborns a year.

From the reactions of the Order members who come to pick up Harry, they all seem to have been raised in the Wizarding World. Lily seems to be the only muggleborn in the Order the first time around (and second, depending on if you count Hermione as an Order member).

The number of muggleborns in the Wizarding World is less than 5% of their population. So, the number of people who see house-elves as slaves is already really low (because it's not that purebloods/half-bloods don't know slavary is bad, they just don't think of house-elves as slaves). And we don't know what Justin or the Creevey brothers think about house elves. They might just not be interested in SPEW for reasons unrelated to their thoughts of house-elf slavery (it is a very flawed method to go about house-elves' rights. But also Hermione is 14, so it's understandable).

Hermione took a jam tart. Then she said, “Did you get all this from the kitchens, Fred?” “Yep,” said Fred, grinning at her. He put on a high-pitched squeak and imitated a house-elf. “ ‘Anything we can get you, sir, anything at all!’ They’re dead helpful . . . get me a roast ox if I said I was peckish.” [...] “Going to try and lead the house-elves out on strike now, are you?” said George. “Going to give up all the leaflet stuff and try and stir them up into rebellion?” Several people chortled. Hermione didn’t answer. “Don’t you go upsetting them and telling them they’ve got to take clothes and salaries!” said Fred warningly “You’ll put them off their cooking!”

(GoF, Ch21)

Fred and George know about the kitchens and the elves there, and they fall into the same line of thinking as almost every pureblood character we see, including Ron, until the last book: "They like being slaves. It's how house-elves are"

(The exception to this is Sirius and perhaps Regulus)

The line I bolded is the general opinion of students on SPEW. They laugh at Hermione's idea. That's because of the statistics I mentioned above, over 96% of Hogwarts students were raised with the belief that house-elves are happy as they are. Of course, they wouldn't see it as a problem; they don't really see them as slaves, and Hermione repeatedly fails to explain the actual problem since she's too aggressive and completely ignores the actual house-elves she is trying to help because she thinks she knows so much better. She is just as condescending towards house-elves, just, from a different angle.

And even the 2%-4% muggleborns might not see as much of an issue. Remember, they are taken into the Wizarding World at 11. Hermione is very stubborn and tends to think she's always right (especially when younger), but a lot of 11-year-old kids, if all their friends and the adults around them tell them "house-elves like serving us, and it's fine, they're not slaves", they would eventually believe it, or at least, act like they do to not stand out and be ridiculed (as happens to Hermione).

#hp meta #hp #house elves #albus dumbledore

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brunchable · 3 years ago

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All I Ask - Part 1 || Stephen Strange x Reader

Word count: 2.7K

Warning: References to Multiverse of Madness. Angst.

A/N: This is my first time writing, so please take it easy on me. This imagine has been inspired by All I ask by Adele and Arcade by Duncan Laurence (ft. FLETCHER).

PART II // PART III ***Strictly do not: claim, repost, copy, translate my stories anywhere else***

You blankly stared at your reflection as you wore a pair of diamond earrings, it was the very first gift Stephen has given you. There's a lot of things running in your mind; Stephen's unresolved feelings for Christine being the centre of it. It was her wedding day today and you've been invited considering the fact that you're a close friend at work. You straightened yourself up with a sigh, feeling that your beauty is inadequate compared to Christine.

"You look beautiful." Stephen's silky deep voice whispered against your ear before giving you a tender kiss on your temple. His slender, yet scarred hands rested on the curves of your waist.

Stephen's sudden appearance startled you, the mini heart attack causing you to clutch the centre of your chest, "Damn it, Stephen! Will you stop creeping up on me like that? Dating a wizard should come with a warning."

Stephen gave you an offended look through your reflections, stepping away to sit on the edge of your bed, "Uh No, correction, you're dating sorcerer, wizards wear hats and use wands, lame."

"Mhm, and I guess the warnings for Doctor Strange come after you've been bagged right?" You chuckled, reaching for your sweet perfume that Stephen goes nuts for and sprayed it on your wrist then dabbing it behind your ears.

"Are you seriously comparing me with spell books?" His brows raised, feeling a hint of an edginess in your attitude, which he decides to ignore. He was reading this situation as banter.

You remained quiet, because for you, your question had two meanings; one was about his use of magic and two, you know that he is not over Christine. You didn’t know how you hadn't noticed from the very start when all the signs were clear as day. Stephen still wears that damned busted watch, there is sorrow in his eyes when she becomes the subject of conversation, the way he lights up when he talks to her and the way he looks at her.

You searched for those behaviors whenever you're together and by the time you realized he was never going to look at you the same way, you were already in too deep, you didn't have the guts to say anything because you're scared of losing him. You decided that you will wait for him quietly, but it’s been one year and you're close to snapping. You're a ticking time bomb.

•••

You admired the decorations inside the church while you and Stephen sat waiting for the ceremony to start. Doctor West was chatting with Stephen and you quietly eavesdropped on their conversation. The man seemed consumed by grief as he talked about his brother and cats, asking Stephen if there had been another way, "... and still you didn't get the girl." Doctor West said.

Ouch. Was it really necessary to be so brutal? You thought and grimaced.

Stephen adjusted his tie on Doctor West's comment, you could feel that he was hurt by it even though his face remained expressionless. He wasn't the only one who got emotionally damaged though. You clutched onto your dress looking elsewhere but Stephen.

Music began and all the guests stood up as Christine prepared to walk herself down the aisle. She looked immaculate in her white dress, her eyes focused on her soon-to-be-husband as she graciously made her way to the altar.

You turned your body slightly to look at Stephen behind you and there it was again, that longing look, it was obvious that he had tunnel vision towards the bride since he didn't even notice you looking at him. Why am I not surprised? You caught Doctor West's gaze for a split second with water welling in your eyes, as Stephen was fixated on Christine who was fixated on the groom. You quickly turned and wiped them away before they fell, only then Stephen came to his senses, "(Y/N) are you alright?"

You cleared your throat before talking, afraid that your voice might crack,"Yeah I'm fine, weddings y'know? They're a real tear jerker." You lied and laughed it off. You felt his hand cover your smaller ones, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand as consolation. You sat frozen on your seat for the rest of the ceremony, too afraid to look up at Stephen, too afraid that your cup of emotions might overflow.

"Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace." The Pastor asked the guests. Stephen squeezed your hand, his jaw clenched as if prohibiting himself to speak. This man, he is in love with someone else, if this wasn't enough proof then you don't know what is.

•••

You decided to separate from Stephen for a while during the reception, you were feeling a range of negative emotions that you needed to suppress. You hid it well towards your friends and colleagues, you weren’t so sure if you would be able to hide it from Stephen any longer, that's why you needed to remove yourself from his presence.

Stephen hung out at the bar drinking a martini after another round of failing to find you. Christine cleared her throat as she approached the bar where Stephen stood, "A glass of red please." She smiled at the bartender.

You glanced towards their direction from time to time as you caught up with your colleagues, chugging your cocktail and grabbing another from a server that offered. You watched your lover turn water into wine, a sardonic laugh managed to slip from your lips.

Juliet, your work bestie, followed the direction you were looking at and gave you a look, "I warned you from the start girl."

"I know, I know, I was too blind to see that he probably just kept me around to fill in that black hole, he calls his heart." As much as you hated to say it, you did, you downed another glass and grabbed a glass of champagne this time, "Jeeze, I'm so pathetic, what was I thinking I got something that Christine doesn't?" You laughed at yourself, watching Stephen stopping Christine from walking away.

"Don't say that! You are not pathetic. Stupid and blinded? Yes. All you need to do now is to follow your head this time babe." Juliet rubbed the side of your arm, glancing at the other two.

"I want to know what they're talking about." You darted towards the pair, at the same time you made sure that you weren't spotted. Juliet tried to stop you from causing yourself anymore torment but as much as you hated to admit it, you wanted to feel the pain, just in case if tonight doesn't end well, maybe it would be less painful then.

"Christine— I should’ve, " Stephen took a deep breath, "I wish it would've been different– I never stopped caring about us, but I had to make sacrifices… to protect you, I’m sorry." Stephen lowered his gaze.

Christine shook her head, keeping her eyes on him, "It was never going to work out between us."

Stephen raised his eyes to look at her again, her reply stung a lot, "Why not?"

"Because Stephen… you have to be the one holding the knife, and I've always respected you for it but I couldn’t love you for it."

Stephen pressed his lips together, avoiding eye contact this time, "Truly, I’m just glad that you're happy."

Christine nodded, smiling and getting teary-eyed, "I am, I really, really am."

"Good." Stephen smiled though it was a pain.

"Are you? Are you Happy?"

"I'm happy." He said, uncertainty present in his tone. Then the thought of your relationship with him crossed his mind.

"Good, you deserve it. Take care of (Y/N), she's heaven sent." Christine patted his shoulder before walking away from him. Your eyes shut tight while also walking away after hearing Palmer mention you in a positive light. Every noise around you becomes a blurred sound, while all that's been said keeps replaying in your head, you can hear Stephen's words loud and clear. I wished it would've been different– I never stopped caring about us.

Strange noticed your figure walking towards the elevators in a hurry. After not being able to find you in the time frame of being there, he could feel something was wrong because now you're leaving without a word. He ran after you but he was too slow, your eyes landing on each other as the elevator doors shut. At least he had the decency to run after you.

You saw a glow of golden light reflecting all around the elevator's metal walls, "You're really leaving without me?" Stephen asked after stepping out of the portal. You chuckled quietly, amused at the fact you forgot that he could easily catch up to you.

"I could never get used to this sorcery," A cold laugh followed, "And yes I am– was leaving without you, Stephen." You answered his question, your face turning dead-pan. The storm that was brewing inside you was only getting stronger in his presence. Another portal opened in front of you, the other side appeared to be your living room— where you're likely to spend the night alone eating ice cream while you drown yourself with tears. You passed through without hesitation and he followed.

"How much have you heard–" He broke the awful silence between you, the portal closing behind him at will. So he knows.

"Enough. Enough to wake me up from this dream I've been having." You answered his straightforward question with a straightforward answer. You've beaten around the bush long enough to do it now. You didn’t want to tread carefully anymore, you were ready for what's to come, you've had enough.

"What dream? What are you talking about?" He asked with a slight impatience in his tone. His hands grabbed you by the shoulders and spun you around to face him.

"I've come to a realisation that I am never going to be good enough for you Stephen. All of this– this– this is one sided, and I was stupid and naive to gaslight myself to believe that one day you will look at me like how you look at Christine." You looked anywhere but his blue eyes, afraid that you would melt and give in your false bravery right now.

"I can't believe this— you're jealous of Christine? Where did we just come from? Her wedding! I can’t have her!" His voice slowly got louder. This time you found the courage to look at him in the eyes, your gaze burning into his soul as you pushed him away from you.

"I am not jealous of Christine, I am everything but jealous. I know you cannot have her and I know she definitely doesn't love you romantically anymore, so why would I be jealous?" You increased your tone as well. Stephen cocked his head back, surprised to get shouted at by you for the first time, "And since you don't have a clue of what I really am feeling– then I will gladly tell you."

"Oh please, enlighten me." Stephen replied through his gritted teeth. His gaze was unwavering.

"I feel unappreciated, unloved, unnoticed–" You began but instantly got cut off by the man.

"So you’re acting like this because of my lack of attention towards you?" He rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, "That's real mature (Y/N)–"

"Oh for fuck's sake Stephen!" You threw your hands in the air, irritated at the fact that he had the nerve to get narcissistic with you, your patience was hanging by a thread, "You just asked me how much I had heard! You wished it would've been different right? If you had the chance for a different outcome, you would choose–" Her. Your throat burned and had to stop yourself from talking before your voice cracked, you bit the inside of your cheek and swallowed the lump you felt inside your throat.

You continued, "I know you're still holding onto her Stephen, I have for awhile– It’s so fucking obvious."

"If I am then why am I with you?" He asked with his low baritone voice that gave shivers down your spine, he was getting angry and you could tell he didn't want to have this conversation.

"You should ask yourself that– because I. don't. know. Maybe you're lonely, maybe you need someone to make you feel something to mask the fact that you can't get over Christine."

Stephen scoffed, "And you need to understand, that I was gone for FIVE YEARS and when I came back the love of my life was engaged and now married to someone else!" He finally snapped, his angry eyes telling you that his brain is in a different mode, he was incapable of seeing your side of the story at this point.

You flinched at his passion, "I understand how you feel—"

"Oh please, how would you understand exactly how I feel?"

"For the past year Stephen I have watched you love someone else from afar. I've spent my time trying to please you even though it is not enough to make you genuinely happy– I have been very understanding that you prefer wearing that watch or eating dinner at her favourite places over mine, I do the things that remind you of her with you— all because I had hoped that maybe someday you would come to realise the weight of my feelings for you.

And I really thought I could do it forever, because I love you— little did I know that I was self-sabotaging myself in the process. I’ve gained nothing and it’s all at my expense, I have spent all the love I’ve saved and you received all that love and I got nothing in return, what the heck am I supposed to do with that?” You poured your heart out, shouting the words when necessary. You felt free after letting it go, you weren’t able to fight back your tears this time, they burned your cheeks as they dripped down your face. They came as a full acceptance of your emotional pain.

Stephen stayed silent, his eyes flickering as he took the time to let all your pent up feelings sink in. He’s never seen you cry hysterically like that and knowing that he was the cause of it dealt him great heartache and his expression softened. Stephen took a step towards you, his hand reaching for your wrist to pull you into a hug but you pulled away, “(Y/N), I’m sorry. I—”

“Don’t touch me! I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear your pity when I already feel pathetic.” You took a deep breath before drowning in yourself. You wanted him to say that you’re wrong, that you’re overthinking it; you wanted him to pull you in and kiss you like it’s your last day on earth, but you didn’t need honesty to come out from him in a form of speech, it was already in his eyes that he accepted the fact that he made the mistake, “Do you love me or am I just a rebound?” You broke the deafening silence.

Stephen lifted his blue orbs and locked themselves into yours, approaching you slowly as if he was walking on glass, afraid that you might push him away again, “No of course not (Y/N). I love you.” His scarred hands slightly tremble as they cupped your cheeks, his thumbs wiping away your tears. His eyes flickering between your eyes, allowing himself to get lost in it. Your hands clutching onto his blazer until your knuckles turn white.

“But you’re not in love with me. I have to let you go.” It came out as a whisper, it was probably one of the most difficult things you’ve had to say. Panic took over Stephen after hearing your request, he forced a smile while trying to find the words to say.

“No, don't say that, (Y/N), we can work this out, I can’t lose you too.” He rested his forehead against yours, “Please.” He whispered.

You shook your head, “I’ve got nothing left to offer you Stephen, I had a hunch it would end like this but I still carried on because I was selfish and wanted you for myself, but I can’t— I can’t do this anymore. All I ask of you now is to figure yourself out and find something that truly makes you happy.” You gently pushed him away, “Please leave.” Before I change my mind. You bit your swollen lip and looked down on the floor.

"Is this really what you want?" He asked quietly, like he's also preparing to let go. You nodded bracing yourself as this maybe the last time that you'll be with him, "I'm sorry (Y/N), I truly am." And you felt the warmth of his hands slip away as he disappeared without another word. Once you didn’t feel his presence anymore, your knees gave in and you dropped on the floor, holding your broken heart in your hands.

#stephen strange #benedict cumberbatch imagine #stephen strange x reader #stephen strange x you #marvel x you #benedict cumberbatch x reader #benedict cumberbatch #benedict cumberbatch x you #doctor strange imagine #doctor strange x you #doctor strange #doctor strange x reader #dr strange x reader #dr strange x you

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thefifthsister-notactive · 3 years ago

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CHB ‘22 #22: Follow The Leaf Brick Road

Post Series

He’s strolling along with her hand in his, swinging back and forth as she skips a little and tells him tales of the world around them.

They were cutting through the park on their hunt for caramel apples, a little father-daughter afternoon out when he hears her gasp suddenly. He looks down at her and follows the direction of her little finger, pointing at the path ahead. “Uh oh,” she looks up at him. “That’s no good.”

He considers her seriously and they approach, stop to look at the hat sit on its own.

“What do you think happened Daddy?”

He looks at her, watching the hat with curiosity.

“Maybe someone dropped it, Sweetpea.”

His little girl looks around. “But why wouldn’t they pick it up Daddy?”

“Maybe the person didn’t realise, like when your brother’s hats fall off and Mommy gets mad cause she has to wrestle them back on.”

Lily laughs.

The hat flutters a litlle and Lily jumps back and hugs his legs. “Daddy, but look its all wet and the grounds all wet. It was a bad witch. And she melted. Just like in the Wizard of Oz.”

Castle couldn’t help the smile. He couldn’t be more proud when his daughter’s mind worked in the ways that it did sometimes. That childish wonder he so loved about her.

“Well then,” he begins. “We should continue on our walk and leave this as a warning for anyone else. You never know who might need it.” And he hoped the person who had lost it might find it if they retraced their steps.

“Daddy let’s go then,” Lily pulls him along and he falls in to line. “It’s a good thing it rained earlier. I wouldn’t want to get stuck in the park with a bad witch.”

He smiles. “No, we wouldn’t want that.”

___________________ Prompt: Witchcraft from “Screamtober”

#castle fanfic #my fanfic #castle halloween #chb2022 #photo prompt #richard castle #lily castle

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thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 4 years ago

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What would happen if you were sent back and ended up in the orphanage with Tom Riddle—and say you also had magic?

Oh boy.

Well, there's a lot to question here. Judging by the... spirit of this ask, I presume I'm... pretty much reincarnated. I'm in the orphanage, I'm much younger than I am now and a child, I'm pre-Hogwarts age, and I retain my current knowledge.

For the purpose of this ask I suppose I also retain my current mental faculties. Despite being in the body of an eight-year-old, I'm not The Carnivorous Muffin at eight.

Welp, there's a lot to consider here.

First, I probably don't realize I'm in Harry Potter for quite some time and instead assume I've been reincarnated to some parallel universe. It's the 1930's, I'm in England in the depression, WWI has occurred and the vast majority of major historical events I know about seem to have happened in the right order, and this Earth is eerily similar to the Earth I left behind.

Strange that I appear to remember everything of my past life with my adult mental abilities, but alright universe, I guess that's how we're going to play this.

What I do know is that I'm dirt poor, presumably still a woman which does not bode well for my career prospects, and if I want any prospects in life period I'm going to have to fight tooth and nail for it. It'd be great if I got adopted to help with this, and might be nice to have people in my life who love me, but there's a lot of orphans in the world and a lot of orphans who are much less weird than I am.

The orphanage is the orphanage and not great, Mrs. Cole is overworked, the orphanage is chronically understaffed, and the kids are running wild beating the shit out of each other.

Being a girl, I probably don't have to worry about getting the shit kicked out of me quite as much, but I still probably try to keep my head down and don't aggravate the particularly beefy looking orphans.

Yes, there's some very angry gremlin named Tom Riddle around who will shove you down the stairs in retribution, but that's just a weird coincidence. And then supernatural shit starts happening. Billy's rabbit hangs itself, people get injuries when Tom is nowhere near them, and I start wondering if this is really the Tom Riddle.

I'm in Wool's Orphanage, my matron is Mrs. Cole, Tom Riddle is running around lighting things on fire. It's possible, though it could all be a strange coincidence.

Now, how things go from here depends on how controlled my own magic is. Since accidental magic typically does manifest at least once or twice, it probably does manifest for me for.. something. If Tom Riddle's there to witness it then...

Well, I imagine he's very offended. Here he was, special, different, better than everyone else, and then some girl in the orphanage (who dares to get very good grades on her assignments in school) has it too.

And I just stand there, smiling, going "Tee hee".

He probably confronts me to prove that he's better at it than I am, and he probably is unless the universe hates both him and me, but having someone else with the Shining around probably prompts him to take me as his protégé (in part so he can show off and in part because he's genuinely excited to be able to share this super cool talent).

I am now apprentice to eight-year-old Tom Riddle. Whoop de doo.

Well, I don't remember this part of Harry Potter, so now I'm probably confused as to where I am again. Regardless, I try to advise Tom on how to tone it down and not, say, traumatize Amy and Dennis for life and antagonize all the other orphans forever. He probably doesn't take me seriously. What do I know, I can't even light that patch of grass on fire?

Hanging around Tom Riddle gets me a reputation to, given the difference in genders, probably a fairly nasty one at that. When Dumbledore arrives he's undoubtedly told hot gossip about how eleven-year-old Tom and I have had sex in a ritual to summon Satan. Dumbledore takes this seriously.

Dumbledore probably meets us both at the same time and it's a disaster. I tried my best to prep Tom without revealing I'm a prophet, Tom first doesn't believe there might not be others, then doesn't believe they would be antagonist/anything but amazed by how awesome he is.

Well, Dumbledore lights his wardrobe on fire while I sit there. Dying inside. Dumbledore probably also does something to me too, to teach me some kind of lesson about something.

I imagine he temporarily disfigures me/makes me appear very ugly, then sticks a mirror to the wall, that way I realize that looks aren’t everything/being a whore is wrong. Tom, still traumatized over the wardrobe, is no help and my magic’s probably not controlled enough to do a thing about it.

I spend a day looking like a pig, Tom and I are given just enough money to buy new wands and second hand/barely functioning everything else and given the world’s worst directions to Diagon Alley. Thanks, Albus.

Well, months pass, we get our wands, Tom gets excited for Hogwarts and I... start seriously considering the future. WWII is coming, the Blitz is coming, Tom and I live in east London and must be able to evacuate during the bombing of London (which went on well past the Blitz to the end of the war). I also start considering my future in the wizarding world. Do I now actually have career prospects?

Probably not because I’m muggle born and a woman. My best bet is doing very well in useful subjects and finding employment with the goblins, I can’t imagine they have the same hang ups as the wizarding world.

Tom wants to go to Slytherin, of course, I tell him this is a bad idea. “Gee Tom,” I say, “Not sure how I know this but I have this feeling that Slytherin is filled with people who loathe our very existence and will shank us. Why don’t we pick Ravenclaw or Gryffindor instead?”

No one shanks Tom Riddle! Tom says. Tom is still eleven and while he admits that sometimes I may, in retrospect, have been right about certain things that doesn’t mean he wants to go to the house known for hard work. That’s code word for everyone there being a moron and having no other redeeming features than tenacity. As for the other two, Ravenclaws sound like smug, elitist, nerds and Gryffindors like dumb jocks.

Better to be known for ambition, cunning, and actually being competent.

Well, there’s no talking him out of this one, and goddamn it we’re all each other has.

I’m the closest thing Tom Riddle has ever had to a friend in all these years and in the orphanage the only one who could hold a decent conversation with him. And while it’s not my moral obligation to keep Tom from becoming a domestic terrorist, and there’s no guarantee I even can, dumping him for one of the other houses and drifting apart won’t help.

Not to mention that, after all these years, I’m undoubtedly lonely, I’m in this foreign land, and he’s now the closest thing to a friend I have.

Looks like I’m going to Slytherin, YOOOOOLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO! I shout as a battle cry as tears run down my face. I may have to convince the hat to put me in Slytherin, but like all human beings I am a mixture of many qualities. I’m not cunning in the least, mind games exhaust me unutterably, but I’m full of ambition.

This confirms every bad opinion Dumbledore had regarding me and Tom.

For the next several months, Tom probably beats the shit out of dormmates who steal his things/harass him. He beats up mine too because feminism (TM) means that he should treat all people equally when guilty of the same crime. I... am not sure I can win that fight so I just resign myself to having to adopt some of Tom’s tactics to make sure I’m not shoved in lockers, have tampons thrown at me, or pig’s blood dumped on me at the prom.

Once again, everyone thinks Tom Riddle and I are dating. I don’t even know if they’re wrong at this point.

Well, being in class with eleven year olds who seem to have had little to no prior education, Tom and I are undoubtedly blazing through class. I imagine I’m bored out of my mind (the Hogwarts curriculum sounds unbelievably boring) and Tom is... well, probably devouring the library but probably also bored. I decide to try and see if I can find some real history texts on this world (there are probably none, the wizarding world seems to only have two historians and both... have a different approach to history than current modern thought as I know it) and discover what magic even is. That shit is fascinating: wingardium leviosa is not.

Dumbledore likely gives neither me nor Tom points in class, I think the house cup is stupid, so I really don’t care. I have no interest in playing quidditch, neither does Tom, so that doesn’t happen.

The second world war starts up, Tom, me, and the muggle borns are the only ones who give a flying fuck. I work harder on figuring out how to get lodging during the Blitz/the bombing of London. Unfortunately, Mrs. Cole hates me too for being the Bride of Satan, so that’s a no go. Third year, 1939, I probably write her in earnest anyway telling her to PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, send Tom and I instructions for the summer/where the orphans are staying/how they’ve been dispersed to the countryside. As a back up plan, I try desperately to shmooze shopkeepers in Hogsmeade during every Hogsmeade weekend to get myself and Tom part time jobs and lodging over the summer. As a back up back up plan, I spend my time badgering Tom to become very good at survivalist wandless magic and if the Lord has pity on me gain some ability in it myself.

Hopefully, either Mrs. Cole or one of the Hogsmeade shop owners take pity on us. If not, then Tom and I are going extreme camping. Given Mrs. Cole (and the brain damage brought on by Dumbledore erasing memories left and right) and the likelihood of Hogsmeade shop owners just not getting it, Tom and I probably go extreme camping.

(Tom, meanwhile, asks Dippet and Dumbledore if we can stay in Hogwarts over the summer. He’s told no exceptions. London’s being bombed, you say? No exceptions. Toodles. Tom is never the same.)

Me, Tom Riddle, a tent we made ourselves, several rabbits we had to catch and skin ourselves, and the pitiful fire that we can keep going through pure will alone because if we try to use real people spells then we’ll get arrested. It has the benefit of making Tom feel very manly and impressive, catching his own food, but both of us are well aware that this sucks.

But hey, we aren’t dead.

Well, I’m sure Tom doesn’t appreciate that and this is where I imagine he seriously starts talking about violent revolution. I imagine much of my time is spent discussing the merits of not violently overthrowing our ant overlords. I imagine a thirteen-year-old Tom isn’t impressed by my pacifism, but he’s not married to Voldemort yet (probably).

Then I imagine the horcrux thing comes up and... Well, I will argue hard against it. Humans die, it is a truth of the universe, and simply something we have to accept. Horcruxes are not a measure against that, they can be destroyed, given infinite time they will be, and the sacrifice they require is too high: human life as well as the very essence of who you are.

What is a soul? I’m not sure, we never really learn in HP canon, but whatever it is, it is in some way the essence of yourself. If you take half of it and throw it somewhere else, you will cease to be you, someone or something else is walking around in your body while the other half of you exists in endless agony.

If you must chase immortality, create a philosopher’s stone (as I darkly wonder why it was that couldn’t be replicated and what Flamel had to do to make it in the first place). On second thought, maybe we should search for the Holy Grail.

Whether I can talk Tom out of this or not is... unclear. I’m going to say that I can, in part because I imagine he’ll want to show the chamber off to me, tell me when he realizes he’s Heir of Slytherin, and in doing so I can prevent the basilisk incident from occurring. Without that, there’s no dead Myrtle, which means no first victim. That summer, when he goes to the Gaunts, I’ll go with him and convince him that it’s not worth it. He can just turn around and leave these people alone, I hopefully can talk him down. Which means no second victim.

I start writing Flamel to see if Tom or I can get an apprenticeship (Dumbledore probably beats us to the chase and poisons him against us, but it’s worth a shot).

Then, should all go well, I can convince Tom to find employment with the goblins rather than shady antique dealers on the bad side of town. Hopefully, I can convince him to never become Voldemort, and instead we travel the world together looking for the origins of magic or something.

Dumbledore goes around taking people’s memories of us in preparation for when Tom becomes a dark lord and I his lady of the night darkness.

TL;DR Apparently my life would become an SI/Tom Riddle fic. So, thanks anon.

#harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter headcanon #tom riddle #albus dumbledore #anti albus dumbledore #meta #headcanon #opinion

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emyluwinter · 4 years ago

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I know, everyone is tired of theories. And mine will be of little interest to anyone. But it will be fun if I'm at least for a moment in the plot of the right. Today there will be a theory about how MC will get her magic! Make yourself comfortable ⊂( ´ ▽ ` )⊃ Do many of us remember the Fantasia of 1940?It was a" short animation " consisting of several parts. I will focus and focus on the "Sorcerer's Apprentice" part."

As we all remember, MC is not a carrier of magic, unlike all the other students of the Night Raven College. Mickey is also not an "official" magician or wizard. In this story, Mickey gained power by stealing the magician Ian Sid's cap. Apparently magical. He could control the broom to carry water in buckets instead of him. But all of it was omnipotent on certain areas. Do you feel what I'm leading you to? Another detail, in one of the meetings with Mickey through the mirror, he says that they seem to be separated by a thin glass, not like before. What if Mickey can transmit something to MC through this mirror? After 6-7 episodes, maybe the MC will talk about his" vision" of Mickey and ask for his help. Mickey can give him some magic item to save everyone and Grimm from the influence of the black stones. OR! Help will come from the side that no one expects? What about the Director of the RSA, Ambrose 63-thiy? As far as I understand, his reflection was Merlin from the cartoon "Sword in the Stone" Merlin taught Arthur the basics that would later come to the crown. Merlin had" visions of the future " who else has them in Twisted Wonderland? MC saw all his "prophetic dreams" at night, but from episode 5 they showed that he no longer needed it. What if the MC's power grows as he continues to live in this world? Ambrose 63 can see a vision where he should meet the Ms, why not. (I think he's well aware that Director Crowley is hiding a lot.) And what if the MC also sees Ambrose 63, who can help him? So many questions. Toboso, I want to know what you're up to! You must be confused. So let's take it in order. So let's get started. MC can get help from outside from other sides according to my theory, from Mickey through the object that he will pass through the mirror. It can be a magician's cap, gloves, hat, anything. But I'm leaning towards a headdress. Or from Ambrose 63. So far, I have no idea that anyone can help with this, anyone else.Because of their similar " powers with prophetic visions" It can also give either advice, or a subject, or give some hint where to look for a solution. Or else....It can give MC a spell powerful enough to deal with the Chimera. The Chimera (Grimm) will be very strong considering the power of all the stones that were eaten. And therefore this help should be stronger than it is. Throughout history, we have been persistently told that MС is not a magician. But wait a minute. Mc from another world (maybe the world intersects with the world of Mickey) And if the magic of Mc is different from the one in Twisted Wonderland?How about this? Agree that this would explain a lot. For example, let's take what the Dark Mirror said on the day when MC came to this world. That he sees neither the color nor the shape of the soul. Based on my idea that all the dormitories form a rainbow(seriously, all the colors match, you can check) MC may have a completely new shape and color that the Dark Mirror can't see. What color is "not included" in the rainbow? White. MC has the white color of the soul, but as for the shape, I can only think that this may be due to the star and its radiance. It will be very cool if they make a reference to two stars and Peter Pan. MС is like a big star, Grimm is small. Because they are one.

Remember what's flying over the Disney logo? Something like a star - they had Tinkerbell. She was a fairy. But we didn't know that from the first movies. So forgive me for guessing that this is a star. Based on all of the above. MC may well be a magician, but not the one that is used to in this world. Something new, something neutral, neither a villain nor a hero. Perhaps the force awakens with time. I have another idea that MC can be like a "storyteller" who does not occupy any of the sides. The narrator simply tells us about a particular story. So I came to the conclusion that the key to victory is the MC, who can use a spell or an item to gain the power to save everyone, including Grimm. MC can become the greatest magician in the history of Twisted Wonderland, but for a limited time. In this world, you can not do without stains when using magic. But magic will have its price, and I'm honestly at a loss for what the Mc can give in return for such a strong magic. Mickey gave his heart in the Dark Blob game to save the others. What the MC will give is a big mystery to me. The stars don't have a special shape. Stars are massive glowing balls of hot gases. Therefore, the mirror did not see either the color or the shape. They had never seen one before, and this was a unique case in every sense. I forgot to mention it. And the main villain still " not takes off his mask" And that's where my theory ends, thank you for your attention. I will be glad to hear your impressions!!!

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #disney twst #twst mc #twst spoilers #twst yuu #mc/yuu #twst theory #twst thoughts #twst grim #twst #twst Ambrose 63 #twst rsa #ambrose the 63rd #theory #analysis

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alastorseye · 4 years ago

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About Remadora

When I say I really hate the HP fandom, I'm talking about the "fans" that hate everything about the saga, but still having Harry Potter accounts. They change the original story, claim that fanonical facts are canon, and launch hatred and death threats at those who simply like HARRY POTTER JUST THE WAY IT IS. Yes, I'm mostly talking about Marauders fans, which I joined after reading the books because I thought it would be interesting and funny. I suddenly realized how toxic and hateful that fandom was, it's like a cult dedicated to deifying Remus, Sirius, James and Regulus, and it seems that hating Snape, Dumbledore, and Remadora is a requirement to be a part of it.

At the beginning I used to consider Wolfstar as something funny, a bromance, it never bothered me, I mean... every fandom has fanon ships and I respect that, but the way they always hate Remadora and their shippers is something that MUST stop.

"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front ofLupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times. . . ." And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes,staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor . . . too dangerous. . ."

When I read this part of the HBP I realized that Remadora was my favorite Harry Potter ship. Of course I wasn't aware of the death threats I'd receive later. I've read some "reasons" why some fans hate Remadora.

"Tonks forced him!"

We all know how insecure Remus was. I don't have to explain what's written in Wizarding World (Pottermore). This is the Remus bio:

Well, we can read that Remus was really attracted to Dora.

"Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten by the young witch. He had never fallen in love before. If it had happened in peacetime, Remus would have simply taken himself off to a new place and a new job, so that he did not have to endure the pain of watching Tonks fall in love with a handsome, young wizard in the Auror office, which was what he expected to happen. However, this was war; they were both needed in the Order of the Phoenix, and nobody knew what the next day would bring. Remus felt justified in remaining exactly where he was, keeping his feelings to himself but secretly rejoicing every time somebody paired him with Tonks on some overnight mission".

This is so sad and cute, and that's undeniable. I cried when I read it. If someone still thinking that Dora forced Remus to marry her after reading this paragraph... I mean... they're probably talking about another book series.

"The age gap!"

I'm so satisfied to know that some Remadora shippers have explained this. When it's about a kid and an adult... OF COURSE IS HORRENDOUS! Because children are not physically and mentally prepared to have romantic relationships. Wizards are legally adults at 17, REMUS MET TONKS WHEN SHE WAS 21!

I mean, many old people abuses of young people innocence, or something. But we all know that Remus wasn't one of those! He really loved Tonks, and that's canon. I don't know what's doing in the fandom people who denies canon facts.

Remus and Tonks were two physically, mentally, and legally adults loving each other.

"Remus didn't love her!"

He was an introvert, Tonks was an extrovert, she made his life better. And of course, I loved the way he introduced himself when he was trying to prove he wasn't a Death Eater:

"I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, one of the four creators of the Marauder's Map, married to Nymphadora, usually known as Tonks, and I taught you how to produce a Patronus, Harry, which takes the form of a stag." (Remus Lupin, DH)

Maybe I'm not the only one who perceive he was proud to be Nymphadora Tonks husband.

"I.. I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and have regretted it very much every since". (Remus Lupin, DH)

This phrase makes more sense after reading Remus bio. He used to think that he was "too poor, too dangerous" for her. He thought he wasn't enough for her. He never imagined that she would love him back. He was a werewolf, and of course he knew he was dangerous, you only need to be emphatic to realize he tried to get away from Tonks because he loved her, he didn't want to hurt his beloved woman!

If you don't believe me, read this again. It's in the chapter 11 of Deathly Hallows:

"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child? I should never have married her, I've made her an outcast!"

So, if Remus was trying to escape it's because he loved them, he thought he spoiled their lives. And of course, no one likes to feel that their influence is bad for someone they love!

"Their relationship came from nowhere! They don't have a development"

Well, the saga's name is HARRY POTTER, not The Love Life of Remus Lupin. The story is about the tragic life of this kid and everything he went through to save the world of a cruel and dark villain. I know many readers are young people in love, and they only want to ship everything, but that's not the main topic here, maybe mother's love would be the topic. Of course Ron and Hermione had a development because they were HARRY'S BEST FRIENDS, and they were always with him, from Philosopher's Stone to Cursed Child. Remus and Tonks are minor characters, and it's funny the fact that this usually comes from Wolfstar shippers, so... is Wolfstar more developed than Remadora?! I mean... they can ship whatever they want, Snape and the Sorting Hat, Dobby and Voldemort, anything, but that does not give them the right to disrespect such a cute, tragic and beautiful canon ship as Remadora.

"They are queercoded! Their relationship is homophobic!"

It's surprising to hear this. It's like... people gets angry just because the author doesn't make queer their favourite characters? I will explain why I don't think Remus and Tonks are "queercoded":

Whether through their dress, their behavior, their language, or other subtle forms of implication, queer characters were written or designed to communicate their unstated queerness to those who were searching for representation.

And this is the definition on the website Pride.com:

"Using LGBTQIA tropes and stereotypes to allude to a character's sexuality without explicitly confirming it in the text."

We all know that Disney used queercoding on characters like Ursula, Scar, Jaffar. And why do we know that? Because DISNEY WANTED TO PORTRAY THEM LIKE THAT, get it? Disney, THE CREATORS MADE THESE CHARACTERS INTENTIONALLY QUEER. How? BASED ON STEREOTYPES.

And going back to Remadora, I was really happy to see by first time a bada*ass woman, with short hair who wasn't portrayed as a lesbian just because the way she looks. This character didn't follow the: "Straight women have long hair and are girly", and "short dyied hair is for lesbians". I'm very very very surprised the fandom follows these stereotypes.

About Remus: I don't know how the phrase "being a werewolf is a metaphor about people with HIV AIDS" means "he's gay". Fenrir Greyback bit him when he was a kid. Many people interpret this as "r4pe". Okay, even thinking that it is the meaning of the "bite", I still cannot understand how being "r4ped" and "infected" makes him queer. Is this (again) a stereotype about people with AIDS and gay?

"JK Rowling created Remadora because she didn't like people shipping Wolfstar!"

It is true that fans love shipping everything, they queerbait and queercode everything. That's great, that's not the problem. The problem is when people starts bashing fans who ship canon straight couples. A very good example is the polemic on Falcon and Bucky relationship, some fans wanted them to be a gay couple, Anthony Mackie said that two men can only be friends, and there is no need to always give them a romantic connotation. People cancelled him, they called him homophobic. Yes, just because a person with authority (on the story they're following") didn't like the fact of queercoding their favourite characters. It's the same about Remadora.

Grindeldore is a very interesting and underrated couple by the way. You can love or hate JK Rowling, but the truth is that Harry Potter story is hers, and even if Remadora was "because she didn't like Wolfstar", she is the author, it was her mind where these characters first appeared, as a big Harry Potter fan I respect and like the original story, that's not a sin. An author has the right to make some changes if some characters were misunderstood by the readers.

(Yes, I wrote this a bit angrily since I've seen too much hate towards Remadora shippers)

#remadora #remus lupin #nymphadora tonks #harrypotter #anti toxic shippers #hp #ronks #harry potter

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thebibliomancer · 4 years ago

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #239: Late Night of the Super-Stars!

January, 1984

1984! Can’t wait to make a bunch of Orwell jokes that are poorly thought out and land poorly!

But I guess it’ll have to wait since we’re on Late Night with David Letterman in this issue.

This sure is an interesting turn of events. Although the team we see on the cover doesn’t seem to be the actually active roster. They’re over in the corner box turned away - either from shame or because they’re off doing their own thing.

Because its Assistant Editors’ Month!

A fun-sounding non-event. Although, looking it up, very few books that were considered part of the event actually did anything with it beyond a slightly goofy issue box on the cover.

So we’re going to see some Avengers go on a talk show today.

Superheroes as celebrities! What a novel idea.

Anyway, I learned an interesting detail about the cover that would have totally missed me. The checkerboard strip at the top was a hallmark of DC comics around this time. And the round MC logo in the top right is an obvious spoof of the DC logo from this time.

It’s not much more than a goof for this book but the Captain America book released for Assistant Editors’ Month also had the checkerboard and logo and was a style parody of DC comics.

Last times: Vision went into a robo-coma from walking into an invisible dome created by Annihilus and only recently recovered the ability to talk. New Avenger Starfox hooked Vision up to ISAAC the Titan computer and overclocked Vision’s robot brain so now he can project himself as a hologram and has an even faster computer brain. At the end of Avengers #238, the Avengers got a call from Tigra about some nonsense going on in San Francisco involving Spider-Woman.

Meanwhile, Hawkeye got a whole miniseries all to himself where he met Mockingbird, lost his job at Cross Technological, his girlfriend revealed that she was paid to date him and also hated him, he teamed up with Mockingbird to uncover an evil scheme by Crossfire to kill all superheroes, Hawkeye lost his hearing by putting an ultrasonic arrowhead in his mouth but foiled the scheme plot, and married Mockingbird. He’s had a very busy week or so!

This time: Hawkeye comes back to the Avengers Mansion to show off his cool new wife.

Hawkeye: “Hey, everybody -- your wanderin’ boy Hawkeye has come home... And you’ll never guess what I’ve gone and done!”

I can just imagine Mockingbird replying “Me” with the biggest shit-eating grin. She feels the sort to do that.

When Hawkeye and Mockingbird arrive there’s no one to greet them except the floating disembodied hologram head of the Wizard of Vizh.

Hawkeye has also made the decision, for some reason, to not wear the hearing aid that Mockingbird got him so he can’t hear what Vision is saying when he compliments his new costume.

Mockingbird introduces herself for Hawkeye and Vision tells the two to join him in the medical labs so they can catch up.

When they arrive, Vision raises his volume so Hawkeye can hear and recaps everything that’s happened to lead up to him becoming a robot in a tube who can hologram around.

Vision: “[Starfox] set up a direct link between ISAAC, the world-computer of Titan, to better diagnose my condition. But, instead, my brain became overloaded with ISAAC’s energy-information matrix --!”

Hawkeye: “And you became several with the universe, right?”

Vision: “‘Several with the’ --? Oh -- hah-ha! Very witty!”

Overclocking his brain seems to have done wonders for Vision’s sense of humor.

He even finds Hawkeye funny now.

Vision also explains where the dickens everyone else is (because Hawkeye asks him where the dickens they are. Its so weird for Hawkeye to say dickens).

Jarvis was given the day off to visit his mother, Captain America and Thor are both busy with nonsense in their own books, and the rest of the Avengers are off to San Francisco because of that call from Tigra.

Hawkeye offers to fly out and give them a hand, which Vision declines since they’ll call if they need help.

Instead he asks Hawkeye how he met Mockingbird and Hawkeye recaps the miniseries in only five panels.

He’s better at this than I am...

Hawkeye: “Anyway, Mockingbird and I had made a pretty good team -- so when it was all over, we ran off and got married!”

Mockingbird: “What can I say? The big lug needed somebody to keep him out of trouble!”

That’s the task of a lifetime, Bobbi. But good for you two! Cute couple is what I say.

Vision: “Marvelous! I hope you two will be as happy together as Wanda and I have been!"

Vision and Scarlet Witch probably are the healthiest superhero marriage of this time.

Vision asks if Hawkeye and Mockingbird intend to stay in the mansion, which they do. But it’s cool because Mockingbird has security clearance from working with SHIELD so they won’t need to bother Mr. Sikorsky and agitate his hatred of living in the superhero genre.

After Hawkeye takes Mockingbird off on a tour of the mansion, Vision receives a call from his brain brother, Wonder Man.

Who, very reluctantly, is coming to the Avengers with hat in hand. So to speak.

Wonder Man: “Okay. Here’s the situation -- my acting career hasn’t been going anywhere lately! So my agent, without my approval -- used the fact that I’m a reserve Avenger to get me a booking on David Letterman’s show, and now, they want me to bring other Avengers along with me! My agent really put me in a tight spot on this one. I hate to impose, but -- !”

Vision: “It’s no imposition at all, Simon! I’ll personally call the network and confirm the Avengers’ appearance!”

Wonder Man: “You’re sure it’s no trouble?”

Vision: “None whatsoever! After all, we have many Avengers -- !”

You sure do! Not as many as you’ll have by the No Surrender days. But still.

Also, I love this can-do attitude from you, Vision!

This is a pretty low priority in terms of fighting crime and whatnot but Vision is like THIS IS EXTREMELY DOABLE, I AM THE INTERNET.

Although imagine how sad it is from Wonder Man’s perspective. His agent put him on the spot pulling sorta-rank to get Simon some media attention but the media is like ‘ok but do you have something better?’

This man is trying to improve his career and the David Letterman show looked at him and said ‘ok but what else have you got?’

Oof!

Anyway, Vision uses the superpower of being wired into the phone system to call up some extra Avengers who aren’t very busy right now.

He calls Black Panther, Beast, and Black Widow.

Their varied responses are pretty funny.

But Black Panther’s is probably the best. He interrupts a meeting with his advisers to take the call and then he’s like ‘yeah sure I can drop everything I’m doing to appear on David Letterman!’

T’Challa really would rather be doing anything but kinging.

Beast initially protests that he’s too busy with the Defenders to just jump on some Avengers business but...

Beast: “The Letterman show? Hey, why didn’t you say so?”

And Black Widow is unbusy sunbathing at the Waldorf Towers while between missions. She doesn’t really want to make a television appearance (it’s kinda counterproductive for a spy, I would guess) but Vision mentions something that has Natasha agree to be there.

Based on what happens later, I guess Vision mentions that Hawkeye will be there.

A couple hours later, ELSEWHERE, well if it isn’t our ol’ friend and punchline Fabian Stankowicz!

Remember this goofus? He attacked the Avengers right when everyone was feeling bad about Hank Pym? Iron Man easily beat him up while the rest of the Avengers breezed on by. Or when he attacked Wasp’s cool superheroine brunch? Which was a hilariously terrible idea because he got between She-Hulk and breakfast foods. Also, nobody took him very seriously there either.

I guess the Avengers didn’t bother to press charges either time because he’s not in jail. He’s at his home working on some machines while his dad criticizes how he spends his time.

Dads, amirite?

Granted, what he’s criticizing is Fabian’s tendency to pick fights with superheroes. And... granted. Not a great use of his time.

But apparently Fabian can afford all the robot suits he keeps attacking the Avengers with because he won the lottery.

So he has a pretty good position to shoot down his dad’s protests, really.

Dad Stankowicz: “Fabian, I’m glad your poor mother didn’t live to see what’s become of you... It would’ve broken her heart!”

Fabian Stankowicz: “Aw, gimme a break, old man!”

Dad Stankowicz: “‘Old man’? This is the way you talk to your father?”

Fabian Stankowicz: “What do you want, egg in your beer? Was it you who won the state lottery and got us out of the Bronx? No, it was me! I won the money, and I’ll say how it’s spent! And I’m gonna use it to make a name for myself! Me... Fabian Stankowicz!”

And when Fabian sees an ad saying that the Avengers will be on Late Night with David Letterman, he has an idea. A wonderful, awful idea.

Also, who the heck puts egg in beer?

I’ve looked it up and I get that it’s a saying but apparently the saying is based on people actually doing that! Why??

The next afternoon, at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, where the show 30 Rock and this issue of Avengers both happen, this issue of Avengers is happening.

A CBS page shows Black Widow to the green room where the other Avengers are already waiting.

Also: I know that it’s all the Avengers who weren’t busy (even though T’Challa really should have been?) but this is a fun roster.

Hawkeye, Wonder Man, Beast, Black Widow and Panther?

Heck, I could imagine this being the Marvel equivalent of the Justice League International team, one more geared for some light-hearted comedy?

Except we’re in 1984 so this predates that.

But you have Beast and Wonder Man, your comedy duo best buds. You have Black Panther and Widow being varying levels of straight man to the nonsense. And you have Hawkeye who can be very serious or very ridiculous depending on how hot-headed he’s being at the time.

This team could be hilarious!

(Avengers International. Think about it, Marvel.)

Outside the green room, our ol’ buddy ol’ punching bag, Fabian Stankowicz is in disguise as a repairman with a mustache as cover for installing some devices in the studio. Then he puts on a beard to disguise himself as Perfectly Normal Bearded Audience Member.

I appreciate his intiative although I doubt any of the present Avengers are gonna recognize this guy on sight even if he wore a t-shirt that said “I’m Fabian Stankowicz.”

Fabian Stankowicz: Boy, this is gonna be so sweet, especially after the way the Avengers made me look like a chump those last two times! This time, it’s gonna be different! This time, I’m going to have a ringside seat for the defeat of the Avengers!

Or at least the Avengers that were available to show up on the Tonight Show with David Letterman.

Y’know, I like Fabian Stankowicz. He’s just smart enough to be dangerous and dumb enough to be entertaining. I think there’s a place for an ineffectual doofus with delusions of grandeur in the foe Rolodex of any superhero team.

Meanwhile, back with said Whoever Was Availables, Black Widow and Mockingbird are meeting for the first time.

And luckily, they’re both mature adults who don’t act like you’d usually see in media when the missus meets the ex.

So with a fight to the death NOT happening in the green room, Hawkeye gets to asking Mockingbird about the errand he sent her on which was why she wasn’t in the room when Black Widow first showed up.

Presumably using every bit of skill in espionage at her disposal, Mockingbird got a copy of the questions Letterman will be asking during the show.

Because Hawkeye will be fielding the questions and he has made the decision not to wear his hearing aid. And has also made the follow-up decision that not only will he not be hearing anything tonight, he’s also definitely going to be fielding all the questions.

Mockingbird: “Why won’t you wear a hearing aid?”

Hawkeye: “No can do, sweetheart! The fewer people who know I’m half-deaf, the safer it’ll be for all of us!”

(I don’t really get this reasoning but okay, man)

Mockingbird: “Then why not let someone else be spokesman? This is supposed to be Wonder Man’s big night!”

Hawkeye: “Sure... but I’m the only active Avenger here! Give me a kiss for luck!”

Not for nothing does Mockingbird think that he can be impossible sometimes. And she’s only known him a couple weeks! She’s already come to the correct read on him in that short a time.

David Letterman starts the show with an opening monologue.

David Letterman: “Tonight... What can I say? Tonight is something really special! In fact, it’s probably the most special show we’ve had since our 'camping with Barry White’ program! Yes... hard to believe, isn’t it? But with all due respect to Mr. White -- I think that this show may be our greatest ever. But, as they say, ‘that’s for history to decide!’”

Imagine being a talk show host and getting to introduce the Avengers. Pretty neat.

I like that bandleader Paul Shaffer is wearing a Captain America jersey. Although that makes me wonder once again what merchandising is like for Marvel superheroes.

Clearly it exists but did Cap sign off on a jersey mimicking his costume? Does he see any money from that? Or at least did he get to say that all profit goes to such and such charity?

Letterman introduces the Avengers for the audience.

(Fun how you can get a sense of their personality just by how they’re sitting. It’s the little touches that make a comic fun.)

Hm, I wonder how well the marvel public follows superhero roster changes.

I know that sometimes new Avengers rosters have gotten attention with press conferences and everything. And sometimes they just swap in and out members as personal business comes up.

Some of the people in the audience may not even recognize Black Widow as an Avenger. Becaaaaause, wait I don’t think she ever was one. She’s assisted on some missions and they were ready to vote her in when she vanished to go do a SHIELD mission.

Okay, better example, does anyone remember that Wonder Man- oh wait, he very publicly burst out of a crate in front of Avengers Mansion during press furor over a roster change. Also, he’s a pre-successful actor.

Black Pan- no, no. He was framed for killing the Avengers his very first day on the team. There was a manhunt.

And of course, everyone knows Beast was on the Avengers. He got around. Romantically.

David Letterman mentions that this group isn’t even all the Avengers because some couldn’t make it (read: were busy with more important things).

Which leads to a funny cut to audience where Beard Fabian is annoyed that this group is who got caught in his revenge scheme.

Fabian Stankowicz: Blast it, where’s Captain America? Where’s that &#%$ She-Hulk?

You better wash your brain out with soap before She-Hulk finds out you thought that about her. She’s dunked people into the garbage for lesser offenses.

Beast decides that this Late Night interview is the best time to reveal that he’s quitting as a reservist Avenger to focus on his version of the Defenders.

Letterman: “Wow, that was some bombshell the Beast just dropped, Hawkeye! You’re group spokesman... What do you think of that?”

Hawkeye: First question -- ! “Well, David, the Avengers is a non-profit organization, fully sanctioned as a peace-keeping force by just about ever international organization you could think of!”

Letterman: “Eh-heh-heh! You don’t say!”

Oh god, Beast’s bombshell messed up the order of questions and Hawkeye is firmly sticking to script because he can’t hear.

My god, Hawkeye.

Letterman: “You know, I was just about to ask you something along those lines. You wouldn’t be psychic by any chance -- ?”

Hawkeye: “No, of the founding members, only the Wasp and Thor remain as active Avengers.”

Letterman: “You little dickens! You’ve been peeking at my question sheet, haven’t you? All right, I might as well as my next question which is... ‘I hear you were recently married! Is that true?’”

Hawkeye: “Yes, Dave... just a few weeks ago!”

Letterman: “How about that!”

Did Hawkeye just think they were going to blaze through the questions? Even if Beast hadn’t preempted the first question, did Hawkeye think that there would be no follow-up questions? No discussion?

I’ve been on the fence on whether the jokes about Hawkeye not hearing the questions are poking fun at deaf people or at Hawkeye and yeah, Hawkeye is definitely the butt of this joke.

Fabian Stankowicz loses patience for this very dry question and answer session and decides to start his attack nnnnow.

One of the studio cameras is secretly A GIANT LASER. Because. And it blasts the stage.

Mockingbird is watching this on a tiny screen in the Green Room and goes out to help only to run afoul of some kind of mechanized steamrolling dumpster.

Back in the studio, Wonder Man has found his new nemesis.

Move over, Grim Reaper. You’re one-dimensional and everyone especially me hates you. Hello, laser blasting camera.

Wonder Man: “Let me at that thing, Beast! It’s ruining my guest-shot!”

Beast: “You’ll have to wait your turn, Wondy! It just shredded my favorite shirt!”

Priorities!

You know, this was supposed to be about Wonder Man and he only got to say two words during the interview portion.

Dangit, Hawkeye.

Apppppparently, the audience is just assuming that this is all part of the show. A cliche, sure. But it makes sense.

Would you really have the Avengers on a talk show and just have them talk? That’s a waste of perfectly good superheroes.

Also.... apparently? David Letterman used to run things over with a steamroller a lot? So a steamroller looking contraption crashing through the wall to attack the Avengers does seem like something that might happen?

Also, Paul Shaffer decides to just roll with it so as not to panic the audience.

The show must go on, after all.

The steamroller also starts firing missiles at Beast, as ya do.

Beast: “Hunter missiles? I don’t believe this is happening on network tv!”

Wonder Man tries punching the steamroller to no avail but which does give Black Panther a chance to pull out the tried and true “Wonder Man’s fists carry as much bludgeoning power as Thor’s hammer!”

Y’know, originally, that was a flex that set Wonder Man as a threat to the team but after he joined, that never really seemed to actually be the case.

Imagine if Wonder Man always hit as hard as Thor’s hammer? Like, he’s minding his own business and then the Gorr the God Butcher arc happens and Wonder Man is like ‘huh, why do I suddenly feel like my punches could destroy planets light years away? That’s a very specific feeling!’

Fabian Stankowicz takes advantage of the spectacle chaos to walk out of the audience, plunk himself down into one of the interview chairs, remove his entirely convincing beard, and introduce himself to David Letterman as the guy who is definitely to blame for all the action setpieces going on.

Letterman, like Paul Shaffer, just decides to roll with it. Humor the guy. Ask him why he’s doing this.

Fabian Stankowicz: “Why? To prove it could be done! To show what one incredibly gifted individual can accomplish...”

Letterman: “... To get your name in the papers?”

Fabian Stankowicz: “That too! After all, the Avengers have battled Zodiac... the Masters of Evil... Doctor Doom! I want to make as big a name for myself as those guys!”

Letterman: “Seems to me that ‘Stankowicz’ is already a pretty big name!”

Badum pish?

He asks Fabian to explain all of his devices and Fabian is happy too.

I mean, he’s being a supervillain for the notoriety and supervillains already love to hear themselves talk so he’s double dipping into the ‘I will exposit everything at the drop of a hat’ well.

And imagine, Fabian built all this stuff in his garage with lottery winnings.

The steamroller thing isn’t just a steamroller, it’s also got a gravity generator. Which, I guess, makes sense if you’re expecting to go against a She-Hulk or a Thor. A regular steamroller isn’t going to do more than annoy.

Wonder Man fighting so hard against the roller makes it increase gravity so much that Simon and steamroller just fall through the floor.

Hm. I wonder what’s filmed in the studios the floor down. They’re about to have an exciting guest star in that steamroller.

Black Widow (still tangling with the laser camera) points Hawkeye towards Fabian. Although she has to shout and Hawkeye still doesn’t really get it but is happy to shoot an arrow at someone that Black Widow is vigorously gesturing at.

Alas, Fabian is one of those prepared villains we’ve been hearing so much about.

He built a force field too, and the arrow just bounces right off.

(Hey, uh, Hawkeye? What kind of arrow was that? Because it looks technological and you just shot it at this guy’s head)

Truly, can nothing stop this insidious yet not very menacing criminal genius?

Oh, I guess David Letterman can.

Knocks him out with a big knob.

It’s just plain big.

Prop comedy, amirite?

The audience seems to love it anyway. I looked up a clip of the big doorknob and it didn’t meet with this much applause. Maybe its because it was used to do violence this time?

Was the giant door knob a beloved part of Late Show lore?

David Letterman: “I guess that’ll teach you not to mess with David Letterman!”

That’s a line with weird energy to it.

Anyway, it would be a sad day for this random assemblage of backup Avengers if they were upstaged completely by David Letterman and his big knob.

Black Widow and Hawkeye finally manage to blow up the laser camera.

I’m not sure why it took them this long. Sure, the camera could apparently move, based on motion lines in previous panels. But the world’s best marksman couldn’t nail it sooner?

But the important thing is that eventually, they did do it.

The floor starts rumbling as well as Wonder Man flies back up with his belt-jets with the trashed roller and a shit-eating grin.

Wonder Man: “Sorry this took so long -- But I guess I’m a little rusty at tackling big hunks of tin like this!”

Fabian Stankowicz: Rusty? It took me a month to design that, and he totaled it in less than five minutes!

But since everyone’s focus is on Wonder Man (for once), Fabian tries to sneak away.

And runs smack dab into Mockingbird who has a lot of justified anger over almost getting run over by the roller earlier. But she just throws him over to some police that have finally shown up.

Letterman tells the audience not to try any of this at home, just in case any of them have gravity-generator osmium steel steamrollers lying around? And cuts to commercial, presumably so that some basic tidying can happen.

Hours after the filming of the show concludes, the Avengers TV Squad have returned to the mansion, with Vision wishing he could have taken part of this assistant editors month special issue.

Vision: “What became of Stankowicz?”

Black Panther: “Well, with all the charges NBC is leveling against him, the only machinery he’ll be dealing with for some time will be in the New York State Prison library!”

So, he attacked Avengers Mansion. He attacked Wasp’s superheroine brunch at the Van Dyne residence. That’s all well and good. He attacks the Avengers again in the NBC studio and the man is going to jail forever.

I guess the Avengers really haven’t been bothering to press charges on Fabian. But a massive media corporation isn’t so kind.

Since Hawkeye is technically the active Avenger (even though Vision’s hologram head is RIGHT there) he has to follow up on the thing Beast said about quitting the Avengers reservists.

Beast says its not right for him to be an Avengers reservist if he’s also trying to turn “the Defenders into a for-real group!”

Uh, Defenders fans? Wasn’t the appeal of the Defenders them being the not-team team? How did people feel about Beast going ‘ok but what if they were more like other teams instead?’

Meanwhile, Wonder Man is pacing, waiting for the Late Show to come on so he can see how he did when WOMP WOMP the show is interrupted by a special news bulletin.

Wonder Man is aghast that his big break isn’t even airing but when the special news bulletin is about a burning chemical barge, his hero instincts that he has suddenly swell up.

Wonder Man: “This... This is awful! What’re we standing around for? Let’s do something! We’re Avengers, aren’t we?”

Black Panther: “That we are, Simon! Let’s go!”

Beast also decides, hey, one more time won’t hurt and accepts his Avengers ID card back from Hawkeye.

And as they’re headed off to the Quinjet, Beast has a hopeful note for Wonder Man.

Beast: “Hey, Wondy -- remember, there’s a three-hour time difference between the coasts! If we can get this mess cleaned up in time, maybe some folks in California will still see you get your big break!”

Wonder Man: “And if we don’t -- ?”

Beast: “Well, that’s show biz!”

Pretty enjoyable issue! Like, sure, its a good for Assistant Editor’s Month. But if you’re going to do a goof, then you can do worse than bringing back Fabian Stankowicz for a third time’s not the charm.

Speaking of charm, having the Avengers appear on a talk show is a charming concept. Not a whole lot was done with it except the joke about Hawkeye answering the wrong questions but its still a fun idea.

And having the Avengers off busy lets us brush off some Also Avengers that haven’t been in play for a bit. That’s a fun idea that I wouldn’t mind seeing some more.

Have the reservists called in because of a situation happening when the Avengers are already busy.

Heck, I’d like to see a situation where the silliest and least regarded Avengers are the only ones available to respond to an emergency. Have them bounce off each other as a group. Maybe they’re mutually aware of their bad reputations.

Anyway, I expected this issue would be ridiculous but it was also enjoyable. Didn’t mind it at all. And (though by a different writer) the Hawkeye miniseries was very enjoyable too.

This is just feeling like a good era for the Avengers team.

Next time, apparently The Ghost of Jessica Drew. So she’s some kind of ghost spider? Nobody tell Carol Danvers.

Follow @essential-avengers because I typed this post partially while a cat was lying on my wrist. That’s dedication. Which you can’t spell without cat. Also, like and reblog if you think its likeable and rebloggable.

#avengers #Mechano Marauder #Hawkeye #mockingbird #Wonder Man #Beast #Black Widow #Black Panther #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #the one wherein they appear on david letterman #pretty fun

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alovesongshewrote · 5 years ago

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Almost A Thousand Years - 1700/1800 | Hisirdoux Casperan

Plot: You’ve known Hisirdoux Casperan for almost a thousand years. You’ve hated him for almost a thousand years. And for almost a thousand years, you’ve been cursed to feel each others pain. But somewhere in that time, things changed. [Hisirdoux Casperan x Mostly Gender Neutral but Probably Female Presenting Based on How Historical Men Treat Them!Reader]

Word Count: 3,898

Warnings: jack the ripper, reader is called a whore and a wench

A/N: tis my longest chapter yet!

Back | Next

You hid away for most of the eighteenth century.

You healed when you could, but what happened to Douxie scared you a little more than you’d like to admit.

So you hid.

You found ways to entertain yourself. You read more, painted a little, continued your medical practice, and learned more about medicine whenever the knowledge became available. You continued to keep tabs on other immortals. It was pretty boring except for that time the Americans revolted. You had to admit it was fun to keep tabs on the scrappy rebellion. You couldn’t say it out loud as you still lived in England, but you gave a little cheer every time they fought off the British. You didn’t like authority. Neither did they.

On the other side of the continent, Douxie did the same things he always did. Music, magic, work for Merlin. He also read the book you’d given him. He liked it.

It was a century of hiding, waiting, and having nothing much to do. The next century would be the exact opposite.

Jack the Ripper was a dick.

You really didn’t like him.

Douxie didn’t like him either.

And Archie didn’t like him.

So, like in every good piece of media that has a chapter in the nineteenth century, you protagonists teamed up to take down Jack the Ripper. It was super effective!

You met up with your partners in the fog-filled streets of the White Chapel district soon after the second murder. In your hands, you held a newspaper covering the recent events. You approached the wizard and his familiar, but they didn’t see you. They were caught in a conversation with someone you’d never seen before, a stocky man dressed in a dark overcoat and hat. The stranger hadn’t noticed you either.

Silently, you hid in an alley between two nearby buildings. You couldn’t hear them, but from the stranger’s body language, he seemed a bit defensive, maybe even a little angry. You sincerely hoped Douxie wasn’t doing anything stupid.

About a minute later, the man stormed off, leaving Douxie and Archie behind. They still hadn’t noticed you, so you took the opportunity to sneak up on them.

“Hey!”

“Aaaaahhhh, jeez (Y/N)! Don’t do that! There’s a killer on the loose!”

“And he’s only killed prostitutes so far, so you should be fine. Unless there’s something you aren’t telling me?” you joked, raising an eyebrow.

He gave you a small shove, too small to be malicious, “Very funny. Have you learned anything new?”

“Mhmm, but first,” you turned to Archie, giving him a pat on the head, “Hey Arch, how are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you for asking,”

“That’s good! That’s good, anyway, you know they think it’s a doctor, but they received a letter signed ‘Jack the Ripper,’”

“Very fun nickname,”

“Indeed, but it still isn’t much to go off of, the police already doubt it”

“(Y/N), remind me again what your sources are?” the familiar was right to be suspicious, but you knew your sources were solid.

“I’ve told you Arch, a forensic doctor, he’s a friend of mine and he works with the police,”

“And how do you know you can trust him?”

“I don’t, but they’re publishing the letter soon, so you’ll see it then. You guys got anything?”

“Not much,”

“Huh. That isn’t great,” you took a moment before speaking again, “By the way, who was that man you were talking to? He seemed angry,”

“Oh, him? He’s just a resident of this area. I’ve been talking to him for a while, I thought he might know something, but every time I even mention it he gets, well…”

“Like that?”

“Yes, like that,”

You looked out the way the man had gone, “You think he’s a suspect?”

“Oh yeah, absolutely,”

Archie nodded in agreement.

“Well then,” you said, returning the eyes to the face of your accomplices, “Keep an eye on him. See you next Thursday?”

“Sounds good,”

By next Thursday, another girl was dead.

You met with your team in a (very) shady pub to discuss this development. Thanks to some connections, you’d snagged a private room where no one else could hear your detective work.

“God DAMMIT, guys, how did we miss this?” you said, pacing. Your hands were on your hips, eyes fixed on the floor. You seriously could not figure out how you missed this.

On the wall behind you, you’d attached some photos and newspaper clippings to the wall, red yarn connecting them. You were very ahead of your time.

“I really don’t know,” Douxie was sitting, upside-down, in a chair across from you. He threw the ball of yarn up in the air, letting it fall, and catching it over and over again. Archie didn’t answer, he was focused too hard on the yarn.

You stopped pacing and glared at your conspiracy wall. You followed the red string with your finger. It lead nowhere. You groaned and ran your fingers through your hair, something that Douxie found alarmingly attractive.

Ever since you saved his life in the sixteen hundreds, he’d developed a bit of a soft spot for you. It wasn’t something he was proud of. But it was fine, you’d developed a soft spot for him too.

“Hey, it’ll be alright, love,” he said, sitting up properly, “We’ll find this monster, so don’t worry yourself too much,”

You took a deep breath, leaning against your crime wall, “Thanks Doux. I appreciate it,”

Your voice was slightly sarcastic, but you both smiled still. Archie frowned, the yarn wasn’t moving anymore.

“So,” you said, turning again to examine the mess of photos and yarn, ”He isn’t an official suspect, but I think this guy, this James Maybrick, seems a little suspicious,” you pointed at his photo, “He’s going to be at this ball thing on Friday. If we go, we can ask him if he plans on traveling, he lives in Liverpool, and-”

“I’m sorry, he lives where?”

“Liverpool, Arch, pay attention-”

“(Y/N), why do you think he’s coming all the way out to White Chapel to murder these women?”

“Well it isn’t his area, that makes him less of a suspect, and all of the murders have been on Saturdays and Sundays, which gives him time to travel,”

“You might be onto something,” Douxie said, standing and letting the yarn fall to the ground where Archie chased it around, thoroughly distracted, “We can go check it out, but how do we get in?”

You bit your lip, deep in thought, “My doctor friend, he knows the hostess. He might be able to get us in,”

“Fantastic!”

“There’s just one thing,”

“Yes?”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll have to pretend to be my fiance,”

There was a moment of silence while Douxie considered this.

You tried to explain yourself, “I-It’s not my first choice either, but high society doesn’t approve of-”

“I’ll do it,”

“And I know it’s inconvenient, but-”

“(Y/N)?”

“Yes?”

“I said I’ll do it,”

It was your time to consider, and you considered yourself super lucky to have an accomplice like Douxie.

“Oh my god, thank you!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around his neck, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you,”

You couldn’t see Douxie’s face, so he had no idea that he blushed before wrapping his arms around you softly.

“No problem (Y/N), no problem,”

Two days later, you were wearing fancy clothes, and freaking out a little.

This was nothing compared to Douxie who was freaking out a lot. Mostly because you looked absolutely stunning, but also because there was a possible murderer inside the building. You know, typical stuff.

The two of you stood outside the manor, looking up at the vast estate. It was beautiful but intimidating. You turned to your partner in crime-solving, “You ready for this?”

He nodded.

You closed your eyes, swallowed back your anxiety, and linked your arm with his.

“Let’s do it,”

The manor was, simply put, dazzling. The size of it reminded you of the smaller cathedrals during the sixteenth century. The floors were marble, the ceiling decorated with a mural, just like the cathedrals you now reminisced. The room was lit with a large chandelier, the warm light covered the whole room in a glow the colour of honey. Columns, the same marble as the floor, stood strong around the perimeter. On one side of the space, an orchestra played. The center was full of people dancing. Some people stood at the side of the room speaking, others just observing everything else. It was a crazy party, but only by Victorian standards.

The sheer amount of activity made you panic a little. As if Douxie could sense your anxiety, he found one of your hands and squeezed it reassuringly. You smiled a little, once again thankful for such an amazing partner in crime.

The two of you made your way around the dance floor, checking faces, looking for your suspect. You didn’t see him. You and Douxie made a full circle around the room, not seeing your guy. You were about to suggest finding a higher viewpoint when the hostess of the party stopped you.

She was a plump, elegant woman, draped in the finest of silks. Her hair shone, and her eyes sparkled. She was perfectly gorgeous, and perfectly in your way.

“Ah, fuzzbuckets,”

“Oh, my dear (Y/N)! It is so good to see you, darling!”

“It’s good to see you as well, my Lady,” you returned, bowing slightly. Douxie followed your lead.

“‘Tis a pity the good doctor couldn’t be with us! He works so hard, you would think he would come out and dance for an evening! Just to relax!” The woman laughed as if wishing the doctor was here was the funniest thing on the planet. Maybe it was to her Victorian sensibilities.

You laughed an appropriate amount, plastering on a fake smile, and biting your tongue at the irony. This was the least relaxed you’d been all century.

When the Lady stopped laughing, she noticed Doxie, “Oh, (Y/N), dear, you must tell me who this dashing young gentleman is! How in heaven did you find such a match?”

“My Lady, this is my fiance, Mr. Casperan,”

“It’s lovely to meet you fair Lady, and might I say that the moon and stars dull in comparison to your eyes; even a goddess of beauty could not hold a candle to your visage,”

You tried to keep cool, but you felt your eyes widen a bit. You had never heard Douxie speak like that before. You weren’t sure how it made you feel yet, but clearly, the Lady enjoyed it. A blush covered her face as she gushed over the wizard for another two minutes. You spent that time subtly searching the crowd for Maybrick.

Clearly, you were not as subtle as you thought.

“Oh, dear, I see your partner is eyeing the dance floor,” the lady said, her face still painted with a blush. Her words called you to attention.

“Ah, yes, my apologies my Lady,”

“No worries at all dear child, now go! Dance the night away!”

“Thank you,” you said, once again bowing.

“It was wonderful speaking with you, my Lady,” Douxie said, following your actions before leading you to the mass of dancing guests.

“She’s watching us,” Douxie whispered to you through clenched teeth, “Can you dance?”

“Not super well, but enough to survive,”

“Just follow my lead,”

Douxie could dance pretty damn well, something you weren’t too surprised by. He’d spent a lot of time learning music throughout the centuries, you’ would've been a bit surprised if he hadn’t known how. He was so good, in fact, that you were almost certain he was making you a better dancer just by being near you. You’d be lying if you said this wasn’t the most fun you’d had in a while.

“So, where’d you learn to flirt like that?” you asked, your voice low so that no one else could hear you.

“I’ve picked some things up over the years,” he said, spinning you out and then back in again.

“I have to say, I was quite impressed. I didn’t see that coming,”

He faked a gasp, “Why I’m offended! You don’t think I can flirt?”

“Well, I didn’t until tonight. But I stand corrected,” he dipped you, “You can flirt extremely well Hisirdoux Casperan,”

“Thank you, (Y/N) (L/N),”

You both smiled continuing the dance, scanning the crowd for the face of the killer. And in between that, just staring at each other.

You almost regretted finding the suspect.

You hated to admit that a small part of you had hoped to just dance with Douxie for the next few hours, pretending that you were a couple and that you weren’t magic, and you weren’t immortal, and you hadn’t seen pain and suffering the world over, and he hadn’t been tortured two centuries before. You just wanted to dance.

But you saw him.

And the good of the humans came before the things you wanted.

“Doux, I see him,”

“Where?”

“To your left and back behind you. Don’t look at him. We’ll get off the dance floor, and I’ll question him,”

“Are you sure?” Douxie thought about elaborating. About telling you that he didn’t want you to get hurt and that he too, wanted to keep dancing.

But he didn’t. And you were sure.

So, you left the dance floor and made your way to the suspect. You made sure Douxie stayed far enough behind you for his presence to be non-threatening, and made your approach.

“Wonderful party isn’t it Sir…?” you waited for him to give you his name.

“Maybrick, Mr. Maybrick,”

“Mr. Maybrick. A lovely name,” internally, you cursed God for giving Douxie all of the charm and leaving you none.

“May I ask where you’re from Mr. Maybrick?”

“I’m from around here, Liverpool. May I ask who's asking?”

“I-”

“(Y/N), dear! Where have you put that lovely boy of yours! I have some friends he simply must meet!”

You could not believe that the hostess was interrupting you yet again. This time, Maybrick actually ran from you. You cursed under your breath. The Lady was far enough away that you could pretend not to hear her. You could still catch the suspect, you just had to run a little. In the outfit you were wearing, it would be next to impossible, but you really didn’t want to talk to the hostess again, so you gestured for Douxie to follow, and you chased after Maybrick.

You ran through the ballroom, dodging patrons and maneuvering around dancers. It felt almost like a fairytale; Cinderella if the princess had to chase down a dangerous serial killer instead of just flee the ball.

The suspect ran out the front doors, and you followed him, Douxie close behind. The night air was cool on your skin, a nice contrast to the warmth of the ballroom. You lost a shoe, and your hair was slowly turning into more and more of a mess, but you didn’t care, you wanted to catch this guy.

You did not catch that guy.

A horse-drawn carriage was waiting for him at the end of the lane. There was no way you could compete with that. Not unless Archie would shapeshift into a horse for the sake of catching a possible criminal.

A black stallion pulled up beside you.

It was Archie, shapeshifted into a horse for the sake of catching a possible criminal. You manifested your hot girl mystery-solving arc.

“Get on!” both Douxie and Archie exclaimed, Douxie offering you a hand up. You took it, jumping onto Archie’s back, wrapping your arms around the wizard's waist, and riding after the carriage.

The night was dark, and the carriage moved fast. Archie kept up pretty well for a familiar with two people on his back. He went so fast that all you could do was cling to Douxie for dear life as the dark world blurred around you. It was not for a lack of trying, but eventually, you lost them.

“You did good Arch, you did good,”

“Thank you, Archie,” you said, forehead buried in Douxie’s back.

“I appreciate the thanks, but it isn’t over yet. We left all of our stuff back at the manor, so we should return,”

“That’s probably a good idea,”

The journey back showed you how far you’d gone. Needless to say, you were super proud of Archie. You’d have to remind yourself to get him some fish later.

When you arrived back at the manor, the party was still going. You could hear the music from the outside. You dismounted Archie and leaned against his side.

“All of this,” you groaned out, “for nothing,”

“Well it wasn’t exactly for nothing,” Douxie said, stretching his arms above his head, “Maybrick ran from us, that’s suspicious. I think we can officially call him a suspect. Here,” he threw your missing shoe your way, “You dropped this,”

You smiled, leaning on Archie for support as you slipped it back on, “Thanks,”

“My pleasure,”

You laughed. The stars above you caught your eye. They were so beautiful tonight. The music was nice too. Everything was so peaceful.

It reminded you of another night, centuries ago, when you’d been allowed to rant and rave, and the wizard just listened to you.

“Hey, Douxie?”

“Yes, love?”

You hesitated, trying to think of something to say. Eventually, you came up with, “We’re still enemies after this, right?”

He laughed a little. It sounded kind of sad, “If you want us to be,”

At that moment, you didn’t know what you wanted.

That’s a lie, you wanted to kiss Douxie.

But you hadn’t figured it out just yet, so, for now, you just stared at his lips, wondering what that feeling was, and listening to the song end.

“We should head back,”

“I guess we should,”

Neither of you were satisfied with this outcome.

You wouldn’t be satisfied until you caught the killer, or as it turned out, killers.

You’d been back at the pub, obsessing over the crime wall, tracing the red yarn over and over again. Doux and Archie were starting to worry about your health. Then you cracked the code.

“What if,” you said, turning from the wall, “There’s more than one,”

“More than one?”

“Yeah, more than one killer. There’s more than one person involved here,”

The wizard and his familiar exchanged a look. Maybe you were sleep-deprived and in need of a nap, but maybe you were onto something, “Go on,”

“Think about it, we’ve got multiple leads, some doctors, some live in the area, some have the motive, some are just suspicious, but none of them have everything they need to commit murder. What if they’re working together?”

“Keep talking,”

“Look, here,” you said, pointing at a photo of a suspect, “Johnson Druitt, he lives in the white chapel area and has the anatomical knowledge,” you moved to another photo, this one a sketch, “Barnett, his roommate works the streets, he’s in love with her and we know he hates her job. If he killed those other women to scare her, he has a motive,” you moved on again, “And Maybrick,” you stopped, trying to piece together his role in this grand conspiracy.

“He’d have the funds to cover it up, plus the interest in the case,”

You spun around to face the wizard, “Douxie, you’re brilliant!”

You took a step back from the wall, taking in your work, “So, what do we do now?”

“Simple,” Douxie said, resting an elbow on your shoulder, “We go after him,”

You didn’t mind being bait. Really, you didn’t. But you did find it boring.

You’d been walking around this general area for two hours now, this disguise was uncomfortable, and you just wanted something else to do. Then your wish came true!

Two men approached you from the front, both short in stature with well-kept moustaches. You hid a smile, the three killer theory proving itself correct. You walked forward, your peripheral vision focused on the men.

The three of you kept walking.

You passed between them.

“Lovely night, isn’t it?”

They stopped, you continued on.

“Excuse me, dearie?”

“Yes?” you purred, turning to them.

Then you were grabbed from behind. Fortunately, you expected that little trick, grabbing the stranger and flipping him over your body. The man landed on the pavement with a thud. You grinned as the three men looked at you, faces full of shock. Unfortunately, it wore off, and the three advanced.

The first one threw a decent punch, but you dodged, forcing him to punch one of his partners. You swept the legs out from under the third.

The first two had recovered and were coming at you again, this time with blades. It was this moment when you noticed the blood on their coats. It wasn’t theirs, or yours for that matter. Yep, these were definitely your guys.

The first blade missed you, the second one just grazed your side. You bit down a cry of pain, sincerely hoping that blade was clean. You could see Douxie emerge from his hiding place; clearly, he’d felt the sting of the metal too.

But you didn’t have time to focus on Douxie, you had to fight.

You threw a few punches of your own, knocking the duo back into the street and closer to the wizard.

“Gah, you wENCH!!” one of them exclaimed.

“Kill the whore!!”

You could see the rage in their faces, but that wasn’t as important as the fact that you could see their faces. Maybrick and Druitt. Your theory was right! Your excitement fell away as they advanced.

Then they both fell into limbo.

The portal down glowed blue around them. Douxie stood behind the gateway, looking very proud of himself.

You would have laughed at their misfortune and Doux’s pride if you hadn’t been grabbed from behind again.

You cried out in surprise, catching the attention of the wizard.

“(Y/N)!”

“Don’t come any closer!” you felt the cold of a blade on your throat. This wouldn’t end well.

“Come on now, don’t make any rash decisions,” Douxie’s hands were raised in surrender, his eyes never leaving yours.

“I’ll kill the wench! I’ll do it!”

“Hey, don’t-”

“My Mary is dead! There’s nothing left! I’ll kill her!”

“Wait, who's dead?”

“My girl,” the man sobbed, his grasp on you weakening, “My Mary Kelly, I’ve lost her! She’s gone!”

You may have felt bad for this guy if he hadn’t been absolutely insane. You took his distracted state as a chance and broke from his hold, pushing yourself away from him.

“Douxie! Now!”

The portal to limbo opened under the man. He had no time to react as he fell into the other dimension.

You looked down into the gateway, a blue pool in the middle of a dull cobblestone street. You sighed with relief as the blue magic sealed itself shut, leaving the night dark again.

“Nice work,”

“Thanks,”

Lights came on in the windows around you. In the distance, you heard shouting.

“We should get out of here,”

“Good idea. See you next century?”

“Oh, absolutely. Say goodbye to Arch for me,”

“Will do,”

And you slipped away into the night, excited by this latest adventure, but still wanting more.

#hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader #douxie x reader #douxie imagine #hisirdoux imagine #almost a thousand years #jack the ripper #fluff #victorian era #fake dating #aaty #hisirdoux casperan #hisirdoux #douxie #toa hisirdoux #toa douxie

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purpleandgreen13 · 4 years ago

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Stardew Valley Inktober 2021

Inspired by @buttonso 's SDV Inktober list, I'm writing a one shot every day for October. I have done 4 already (the fifth will be later today) but thought I would post them here too.

October 1st Junimo

Inspired by the Star Trek original series 'The Trouble with Tribbles'

Dammit Lewis, I’m a doctor not a vet.” Grumbled Doctor Harvey at his clinic where he, Marnie and Mayor Lewis are stood looking the five tiny figures laying in a large cardboard box on the examination table. They are covered in scratches and making distressed cooing noises.

“Please Dr Harvey?” Pleads Marnie, her eyes filling with tears, “I found them in the barn, the cows didn’t mean to rough them up, they were just curious.”

“What are you doing with these creatures anyway Marnie? Junimo’s import to Ferngill is strictly controlled.” Doctor Harvey peers over his glasses.

Marnie looks shifty all of a sudden and Mayor Lewis shuffles uncomfortably, “Lewis got me a special license!” Marnie protests a little too loudly, “We’re breeding them as pets. Look how cute they are! People are going to love them!”

“You are aware of their other reputation?” Harvey asks, “They’re prodigious breeders. They can have up to seven litters a week and they’re banned in some places. In the wild they have plenty of predators but in domestic situations you can easily get overrun."

“Please Doc. We can make it worth your while.” Lewis wheedles.

“Lewis. I don’t want your money, except for the medical bills. I don’t like seeing any creature in pain. Leave them with me, I’ll make sure they’re well looked after and I’ll patch up their wounds, give them a course of antibiotics and they should be right as rain in about four days.”

“Thank you so very, very much, Doctor Harvey.” Marnie gushes with relief as she clutches Harvey’s hand. Harvey frowns. This is very much against his better judgement, but the animals need care and he WAS the closest thing this town had to a vet, he supposed.

Once Marnie and Lewis left, Harvey lifted the blanket covering the box.

“Oh Yoba.” He muttered quickly lowering the blanket again. Already the junimos, which he had to grudgingly admit were cute, were In flagrante delicto, busy at work in the cardboard box creating the next generation of apple-like creatures.

Harvey mused that the small animals were getting more action than most people in the valley, including him.

He fetched his medical equipment and carefully lifted each Junimo out of the box, whenever one was free from its activities. Each one squeaked in protest as Harvey checked it over, applied antiseptics to cuts and grazes, then administered antibiotic in a small pipette to each of the five Junimos. They’d need a few days care, but they were mostly badly shaken up. They would all be fine, he was confident.

He supposed he should separate them into males and females, but honestly, Harvey had absolutely no way of telling them apart, so he left the blanket on the box after giving them some guinea pig food provided by Abigail and a bowl of water, and retired for the night.

Maru was first in the clinic the next morning and when Harvey entered the reception area, still a little bleary-eyed from sleep, she looked furious.

“What- what’s up Maru?” Harvey asked nervously.

“Why are you keeping so many animals in such a tiny space Doc? It’s downright cruel!”

“What are you talking about?”

There are almost 50 Junimos squished into a cardboard box in the hospital section! I can’t believe you left them like that? You do know it’s illegal to keep them without a license?” “Fif-FIFTY? Harvey suddenly felt a bit faint. “There were only 5 yesterday!”

Well, there’s about 50 of them now. We’ll need to find them better housing.”

After searching through the clinic for boxes big enough to house 50 Junimos, Maru makes a decision, that Harvey mutely agrees with.

They let the Junimos loose in the hospital wing of the clinic, leaving them food and water. At the end of the day locking the door behind him, Harvey couldn’t help but feel he’d made a terrible mistake.

‘Junimos reach sexual maturity within 24 hours of birth’, he read in one of his encyclopaedias, ‘as beings who derive their bright coat colouring from magic in the air around them, they live relatively short lives and breed as much as they can to ensure survival of the species. The magic that sustains them, makes them attractive to female junimos also kills them. Their twin purposes in life are to procreate and eat.’

In the morning there were more than 500 Junimos on the hospital wing. Maru could barely open the door and then could not close it. There were junimos everywhere, in the pharmacy cupboards, under every chair in the waiting room. Maru found two in the drawer of the till.

Harvey was going spare. His beautiful clean, sterile clinic had turned into a zoo. He coped as well as he could, but that evening, he called Lewis in a panic. His first attempt to pick up his phone he picked up a Junimo instead, he swept 7 of them off his chair in his office. Several of them piled on his warm lap once he sat down. There were several of them sleeping on the examination table. The noise of Junimo mating was cacophonous.

“Hello!” He bellowed into the phone when Mayor Lewis picked up. “LEWIS! It’s Harvey here! You’re going to have to do something about these Junimos! There’s hundreds of them!” “Sorry Doc! I can’t hear you! Are you having a party? I will come and pick up those Junimos from you on Friday! You said 4 days for the antibiotics to work didn’t you? I’ll see you then!” and with that the line goes dead.

Harvey has had enough. He wades through the Junimos lining the stairs to his apartment, grabs his jacket from the hook behind the door, empties the pockets of Junimos that have settled there, and makes his way gingerly out of the clinic and to the saloon. He stays far later than he should and he dreams in junimos the entire night.

Wednesday is hell. Exponential Junimo growth means that every surface is covered with squeaking, breeding and pooping animals with no regard for Harvey’s cleaning routines. He opens his kitchen cupboard for his coffee mug and is rewarded by e seemingly never-ending shower of small apple like creatures bouncing off his head and scurrying away. He tries to count them but here are far too many. That night he goes hungry because there is not a crumb of food in the house. When he climbs into his bed, he is surrounded by the creatures, cocooned in a kind of living Junimo blanket. The sleeping creatures start snoring. By itself a junimo snoring is a sweet sound, like sighing, but by the thousand, the noise is deafening.

When Maru arrives on Thursday morning, Doctor Harvey is a broken man. She pushes the door of the clinic open with some difficulty, the sheer weight of the creatures holding back the door.

Harvey is seated behind the counter, asleep, head in arms, dishevelled and unshaven. Junimos on his lap, his shoulders, in every one of his pockets. The squeaking and chirruping is so loud that Maru has to cover her ears as she approaches the sleeping man covered in the apple creatures.

“Doc!” She shouts above the row. “Doc!”

Harvey jolts awake. The junimos on his lap fall off, but are replaced with many more, jostling for a place on the doctor’s warm knees.

“I’ve brought someone who might help!”

Through the mounds of apple shaped bodies Harvey can just about make out a large cowboy hat and a purple beard. He scoffed to himself, the crazy guy from the tower? What was he going do here? Set traps? Give them all contraceptives. (Harvey had already considered it, but he calculated that the cost would be more than he made in a year).

With some difficulty the self-proclaimed wizard moved to the wall of the waiting room and in chalk drew a large circle with undecipherable symbols within its parameters. He yelled one word “Quiet!” Which made Harvey and Maru both jump. Surprisingly, the Junimos still and there is peace in the clinic for the first time in days.

He grinned at the medical staff, “Couldn’t hear myself think in here.”

Harvey has to keep himself from rolling his eyes when the wizard gets out a wand. Seriously? He’s muttering something that Harvey can’t quite catch and is sure is gibberish. He almost wants to laugh when the man turns around and makes an extravagant gesture with his arm. Harvey takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes, feeling overwhelmingly tired. When he opens his eyes again, the Junimos are gone.

He blinks. Not a single Junimo remains.

The place is a mess however. Chairs are overturned, the plants have all been eaten. Magazines shredded. Harvey dared not look at the damage in his neat pharmacy and sterile hospital room.

“Where did they go?” He stammers, his entire belief system shaken.

The Wizard smiles enigmatically, “Somewhere I think they should be.” With a dramatic swirl of his cape, he exits, leaving Harvey and Maru to clean up the mess. Harvey thinks he can smell sulphur, but blames his overtired fevered brain.

**~~**~~**

In the Mayoral Manor, Lewis is doing his weekly book work for the town finances. A little bit off the top here and a little added to his own bank account. No-one ever asks to check the books. The amounts would not be missed.

There is a flash and suddenly Lewis is surrounded by small apple shaped creatures. They’re everywhere. A heaving mass of Junimos covers the floor and already some of the creatures are getting into his food cupboards, locust-like they start to methodically eat everything they come across.

Over in the clinic, broom in hand, Harvey swears he can hear screaming coming from Lewis’s house.

#stardew valley #stardew harvey #stardew valley harvey #sdv harvey #sdvharvey #harvey sdv #harvey stardew valley #sdv #inktober2021 #inktober #SDV Inktober #Stardew Valley fanfic

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thebrownssociety · 4 years ago

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Across The Serververse, Chapter 15

“-We know he is a wonderful whiz -!” The gathered 10 toons bellowed at the top of their lungs as Marvin did his best to land the ship.

“Shut up the lot of you-” Marvin sang to the tune of ‘wonderful wizard of oz’ “-Before I kill you all.”

Everyone else shut up and Bugs smiled while saying. “Ya know who oi like about you, Marvin? Ya warm and compassionate nature.”

Marvin - having landed by that time - flipped his brother the bird before sighing and turning round to face his annoying siblings. “Right. As you may have gathered we are in Oz in order to find Hazel and Gossamer. Now, looking at the trackers it appears that they are in the Wicked Witch Of The West’s castle which - the more observant of you may have noticed - we are nowhere near-”

“Because she’d murder us if we got to close?” Granny asked.

Marvin nodded. “Either that or her flying monkeys will rip us apart. So we need to try and sneak our way into the castle in order to rescue them.”

“Rescue them?” Penelope said, in concern. “Where are they?”

Marvin cocked his head to one side and examined the screen. “...I’m unsure. All I can work out is they’re both in the castle itself, but the castle is very big and I’m having trouble pinning down exactly where they are. But my theory - considering the rumours regarding the Witch Of The West’s attitude to intruders, I.E. - to attempt to murder them on sight - is that they’re imprisoned in the dungeons. Which is why we need to rescue them and why I didn’t just want to land the spaceship on top of her castle.”

Bugs sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Right.” He said. “So how are we going to do that?”

“...Well, I was sort of hoping, earth-creature, that you would come up with an idea?”

Bugs sighed deeply and massaged the sides of his head. If he saw Rhythm he was actually going to punch him in the face. What had any of them done to deserve all this hassle?

It took a good few minutes - during which the other Looney’s played cards - but eventually Bugs came up with the germ of an idea.

“Alright Gang.” He said, flexing his hands. “Gather round an’ hear de tale of ‘ow we’re gonna get Hazel and Gossamer back.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[About 45 minutes to an hour later]

“Good Evening, fellow guards.”

The two guards who were guarding the entrance to the Wicked Witch of the West’s castle looked firstly at each other, then down at a small pig and a...thing both of which were wearing guard uniforms like themselves.

The one with a round head blinked up at them and carried on in a perfectly civil tone. “We are here to relieve you off your duties. You may go now.”

The guards looked at each other again, each trying to work out if they’d seen these guards before.

“I said.” The small thing said, voice becoming like ice. “You may go now.”

The two guards looked at each other and walked off.

When they were sure the two guards had gone Porky signalled and the other toons - also wearing the same outfits for protection and uniformity - snuck into the door Marvin was holding open.

The Martian was counting his siblings off as they went in and stopped the last two, which happened to be Sam and Tweety. “You two stay here.” He ordered. “I don’t care how you do it, stop anyone coming in.”

Sam saluted and Tweety nodded, seriously.

Marvin nodded back and left them both to it. “Right.” He said, briskly, getting out his portable tracker. “I think the dungeon is through this corridor and then through another door which should lead straight down to the dungeon where I think Gossamer and Hazel should be.”

They managed to get through the relevant corridors and found the door. “Right.” Marvin said, examining it. “The lock looks simple enough-”

*Bang!*

Yosemite Sam blew the smoke off the top of his pistol and said, aggressively. “Wha’? We’re in, ain’t we?”

Bugs glared daggers and exchanged a look of ‘these morons’ with Porky who shook his head irritably and said. “L-l-let’s just g-g-get this over with.” and he led the others down the quite narrow stairs that led to the gloomy, practically pitch-black dungeon.

The toons suddenly found torches appearing in there hands and miner hats on their heads which illuminated the dungeon so much they could clearly see Gossamer in a cell. He was standing up [the cell was so small he was practically bursting out at the sides] and when he saw them he smiled and grabbed the bars while looking at them with puppy-dog eyes.

Bugs held his hand up and gestured to Sam that he was to blow the door off. The pirate grinned and, stepping forward, aimed and fired.

The lock fell to the floor - the noise comparably to dynamite in the small space - and Gossamer hesitantly stepped into the room, his shoes slapping on the concrete floor. He looked round - as if expecting someone to leap on him - then, satisfied the coast was clear, gathered all his siblings up and hugged them tightly.

The others laughed - well, Sam grumbled affectionally - and the scene was happy. Then came the sound of shoes slapping down the concrete stairs. Gossamer dropped them all and the toons took up ‘dramatic’ poses while they waited for whoever it was to come into sight.

Two seconds later Witch Hazel, clad in black instead of blue and with her hair hidden under the Wicked Witch Of The West’s hat, stepped confidently and theoretically in front of them. Gossamer - to Bugs’s confusion as the two were very close - whimpered slightly and stepped back a little.

Seemingly ignoring the fact a number of her siblings were gathered in front of her Hazel smiled tightly and sneered. “What the hell are you doing out of your cage?”

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 5 years ago

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If Lily and Lenin had a child what do you suppose it would look like? (I'm very much looking forward to seeing the Egg from "Wearing the faces of men" hatch) Would Lenin even want to have children? Or would it be an Oopise? PS: I ship those two so much, you literally have no idea. I really hope that your main work has a happy ending (because I'm a basic bitch) but I would honestly just love reading it however it ends

Isn’t that the question of the hour?

So, first things first. It’s funny that you bring up the Lily/Lenin children scenario because for most of the other pairings I’ve written Lee/Lily with I have a very good idea of what this kids look like/their personalities/etc.

Lee and Minato, a daughter named either Naruto or Hari depending if Kushina’s in the picture, because neither of them have any imagination. Looks and acts a lot like Minato, has Lee’s hair texture and some of her facial features.

Lee and Obito, well, for reasons called potential spoilers for “Finishing the Hat” I won’t get into it, but take my word for it that I know what the children are like almost embarrassingly well.

Lily and Wizard Lenin though, honestly, that’s for some reason harder for me to picture and I can’t quite explain why. And it’s not the pairing, clearly, they’re the main deal in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus”, they’re just hard to picture. But let’s try, it’ll be an adventure for all of us.

First, the easier question, does Wizard Lenin want children? No. First, being immortal, he has a) no need for a legacy/immortality in the form of children and b) he’s guaranteed to outlive said children unless they pull some seriously gnarly shit. I think having an heir would be the most compelling argument but since he intends to live and rule the world forever what’s the point of that? It’d just give everyone the wrong idea. Worse, the kid might get the wrong idea and try to kill him to take the throne. And then there’d have to be an execution and it’d all get very messy.

More than that though, he would completely panic at the idea of fatherhood. He never had any family of his own, basically raised himself (and did a craptastic job at that), and has no idea what good fathers even do. More, he knows exactly how difficult he was as a child and teenager (especially since being forced to confront Wizard Trotsky). The idea of having to deal with a young Tom Riddle himself? He’d probably laugh and then he’d cry.

Then of course, while Wizard Lenin is above such things as attachment to other human beings, I think he’d recognize that having this squishy, mortal thing, that will inevitably die while he reigns the cosmos would be really depressing. And if they have kids you’d get this long line of descendants to which Wizard Lenin is this weird ageless god uncle. Can you imagine those family reunions? Yikes.

So children for Wizard Lenin would definitely be an “oopsie”. An “oopsie” likely involving a copious amount of alcohol, suppressed feelings, and a much older Lily.

I picture maybe fifty or sixty years in the hypothetical future where everything goes Wizard Lenin’s way and he and Lily get over their current tiff. Wizard Lenin’s still ageless and Lily’s now a creepy adult who’s stopped aging and looks like an elf from Lord of the Rings. He’s been ruling forever, it’s boring, all his original followers are dead and his second generation followers (i.e. Draco Malfoy) are old men, and now becoming a Death Eater is a prestigious competitive ridiculous thing for eager eyed youngsters. Lily wanders the world/cosmos, is on speed dial but tries not to make messes too often for Wizard Lenin (which is hard because he now rules everything), and is desperately trying to keep busy despite the fact that she has nothing to do. Lily’s his pretty much wife except he’s never married her because god emperors don’t need wives (unless, of course, he got tired of people trying to get him to marry wizarding nobility and he just couldn’t take it anymore). They reminisce about the good old days, Wizard Lenin probably confess that it was a lot more fun chasing the car than actually reaching the car, Lily probably talks about all the traumatizing adventures she’s had with robots, alcohol gets involved, then unprotected sex then, SURPRISE!

But anyways, right, what the children look like.

First, we have the “what the fuck” option that always must be considered when mating with a god. Lily could give birth to herself in a very traumatizing experience for both her and Wizard Lenin. It could be just a giant ball of mysterious light. It could be Rabbit. It could be some mysterious green eyed shadow blob that eats children. It could just be a regular mysterious blob. It could be The Key/Dawn Summers and look/act like a perfectly normal child until Wizard Lenin discovers it’s actually something so horrifying and inhuman it’s been disguised as a human child by monks with too much time on their hands.

But let’s take this a little more seriously/get to what you were probably asking me for. Though the “what the fuck” option is always a hilarious one to consider.

So appearance, the hair’s probably going to take after Wizard Lenin’s in color just because of how genetics work. They could have anywhere from auburn to black hair. I’m going to go with auburn because I enjoy red. It’s probably thick and probably curly.

Eyes are probably going to be anywhere from green to blue but more likely to be blue for similar reasons.

Since Wizard Lenin and Lily are both ungodly pale creatures the kids, sadly, will not be able to tan. However, being Wizard Lenin’s children and the heirs to his empire, they’re probably not allowed to do anything so pedantic as tan.

My first thought was that any kid should not be good looking. They should have all the right bone structure, thick eyelashes, hair, etc. to be good looking but too much of Lily’s intrinsic weird seeps in and you just get these kids who look like they should have walked out of “Children of the Corn”.

But since I promised we’d stray from the “what the fuck” option they’d likely be very good looking kids. Wizard Lenin’s gorgeous and I always imagine Lily grows up to be a very attractive adult.

But descriptions are boring, I can doodle.

Let’s say that the “oopsie” produces a set of twins.

First, we have the daughter, who clearly takes a lot after Lily both in appearance and personality.

Likely, when Wizard Lenin got over his existential/fatherhood crisis he and Lily bickered for months over names. Both are convinced the other is terrible at naming children. Both of them are right.

In the end I imagine they flip coins for who gets the middle name vs. first name.

Wizard Lenin wins the coin toss and we get: Mab Luthien Riddle

Mab at first is a plucky young girl but shifts into a moody teenager. Despite being powerful she’s well aware that she has two monolith reputations to live up to: Wizard Lenin and Lily’s. More, she clearly has a role for her to live out and fill and she wants some independence! This causes a lot of teen angst.

She goes from wearing very expensive wizarding robes to whatever the equivalent of hipster is in the distant future. I just stuck her in plaid with shades because I have no imagination.

She gets sorted into Gryffindor, because anyone who’s willing to be a punk to Wizard Lenin has guts. This, of course, is terrible for everyone. However, especially for Wizard Lenin, because can you imagine him dealing with a teenage daughter?

Second, we have a son, who has the K-pop/Legolas/Sasuke pretty boy good looks that have fourteen year old girls scribbling hearts with their names together in notebooks and writing some seriously bad fanfiction.

Continuing on with the atrocious/nerd name theme we have: Mordred Beren Riddle

He’s a far more sensitive soul, to the point where everyone wonders how the hell he fits into this disaster family/came from two giant assholes. Regardless, he is, he tries his best to please his father and live up to expectations. So he keeps his fancy robes, cries thanks to Wizard Lenin’s mean words, and eventually gets sorted into Hufflepuff.

Thanks to his sensitive nature and good looks he’s the tween heart throb of Hogwarts. His sister is dying.

These are all hypothetical kids of course. If I ever were to write something involving Lily and Wizard Lenin’s kids, I’m not sure it’d be these two that show up (in fact I’m 99% sure it won’t be).

But I hope you guys had as much fun on this brain storming journey as I did.

As for that happy ending in the main story, well, I think it’s happy. Whether the rest of you will agree with me I’ll leave to the end of the story. Whenever we get there.

#ask #anon #lily and the art of being sisyphus #wizard lenin #ellie potter #lilyxlenin #hypothetical children #seriously though if you ask me about the minato/lee kids or the obito/lee kids I'd give the same answer every time #here my answer might change depending on my mood or the way i'm feeling

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blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk · 5 years ago

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Oh! I had no idea asks were open. On the header it says closed. I hope you don't mind if I spam you questions and asks lol. I mean, I'll do it in moderation of course! For this one, I'd like to know what your house, patronus and factor like favourite character/s is! And may I also known your hcs for the school aged BB characters' houses? Thank ya! Muah!

I should really fix that; anytime the askbox isn’t closed, asks are open! Gonna see if I can change up my header so it’s less confusing :)

Also, anytime it’s open, you can ALWAYS spam me with asks!!! :D

I hope I’m understanding the question right here! SO, I think my house would definitely be Hufflepuff! The quiz I took says my Patronus would be a swan! And does this mean my favorite Harry Potter character? Because that would absolutely be Snape!

And here’s some headcanons for ya, I can’t believe these got so long!!

I didn’t do all the school age characters because I felt that’d be a LOT for one post, so I ended up doing Cheslock, Ciel, Clayton, Edward, Joanne, Lizzie, and Soma! Feel free to request more if you wanna see others, once the askbox is open again!

This was really fun and thought-provoking, it took me a while to get done but I loved it! I was really into Harry Potter as a kid so revisiting the world in a new perspective was so great!!

Cheslock

Gryffindor for sure! Although he’s undeniably bold, and can certainly be brave, Cheslock tends to be an example of the other side of the Gryffindor coin; he’s reckless and impulsive, and often pulls pranks on other houses. ― And sometimes on the people he doesn’t like in his own house.

He’s a half-blood, with his genes being split, unusually, about 50/50. His father is a high-ranking individual with a perfectly pureblood lineage, and his mother is a muggle with no wizard heritage whatsoever.

While he’s generally good at heart, there are many other Gryffindors who can’t stand him because he’s forever costing the house five points here, ten points there… he’s also brilliant at bending the rules, toeing the line between an upstanding student and a rebellious troublemaker.

He doesn’t really excel in any of his core classes, but he gets good enough grades that he’s never flunked out of any of them. When he gets into second year, he joins the Quidditch team as a beater, and as soon as he’s able to add it in, his extracurricular of choice is, of course, music. He still loves the violin more than anything.

Legend has it he once got transfigured something on a teacher’s desk (it could have been a pen, it could have been an apple, could have been a wand, whatever suits the story better) into a flask of whiskey. Without getting caught!

Ciel

Slytherin, natch, if only because he’s very shrewd and, if necessary, will do anything he needs to. Though his personality isn’t popular with a lot of the other students, even in his own house, everyone acknowledges that he’s actually a very good leader.

He’s definitely a pureblood, or at least he has so little muggle blood in his heritage that most people consider him so. Both of his parents were wizards, but there is some muggle blood a few generations back on his father’s side.

Curiously, he doesn’t care much about social standing or competitions or the like. That said, he still manages to earn Slytherin a lot of house points just by doing the things he’s good at and scoring exceptional marks on tests.

In his first year especially, he struggles with flying quite a bit, and he never really grows to be that skilled on a broom despite doing well enough to pass the class. What he lacks there, he makes up for in charms, and later, the study of ancient runes. He often needs a tutor in his other classes in the first year or two; in his later years, though, he becomes a tutor to younger students, especially for charm spells.

His housemates will vouch for the fact that he seems to get an awful lot of mail from his household back home. Some of it is letters. A lot of it is just candy… which he doesn’t even share!!

Clayton

This boy is a Ravenclaw through and through! He places a high value on intelligence and is here to learn as much as possible. The Sorting Hat seemed to mull over for a while whether he ought to go in Ravenclaw or Slytherin. He’s surprisingly popular with his housemates, probably for his great intellect and his cool, focused demeanor.

He’s a half-blood, though with more wizard heritage than muggle. His mother is a near-pureblood, with most of her ancestors being pureblood wizards, and his father is a half-blood, with most of his parents also being half-bloods.

A good percentage of Ravenclaw’s points come from him. He performs well on exams, is an excellent tutor to the first- and second-years, and, though he can certainly be sadistic, typically doesn’t act on it or do anything that might cost them points.

He starts out being one of the best students in potions ― and in his later years, graduates to being among the top three in alchemy. As he matures in his classes, he also elects to take magical theory, which goes on to eventually be his chosen area of study during his wizarding career.

There was a year wherein he dated every single one of Prefect Lawrence Bluewer’s sisters in succession. Depending on who you hear the story from, Lawrence either is still pissed, or gave Clayton his blessing. Either way, awkward.

Edward

Absolutely Gryffindor, as if there was ever any doubt! He was sorted in record time, and he’s the other side of Cheslock’s coin ― a gentleman who always does the right thing, who aims to serve, a courageous young man with the heart of a lion. (That said, however, he and Cheslock are very much close friends, so he often gets swept up in his housemate’s nonsense.)

He’s very close to being considered a pureblood, if most don’t already think of him that way. His mother is a pureblood, and his father is a half-blood who’s more wizard than muggle.

Is constantly trying to make up points that getting involved in Cheslock’s aforementioned shenanigans has cost Gryffindor. At the very least, Edward usually manages to break even, so it’s as if said tomfoolery never happened. Ah, he gets sick of it, but he keeps letting himself get dragged along!

He’s an absolute wiz at flying, (pun very much intended), and starting in his second year, he eventually becomes Gryffindor’s star chaser in Quidditch. He could well make a living doing that in professional leagues. Instead, he also focuses on academia; excelling in charms and defense against the dark arts. Reportedly he’s one of the very, very few who also enjoys the lectures on the history of magic.

The younger students say they’ve seen it for themselves that his wand is outfitted with a sort of false bottom that hides a plain knife. They all wonder why that kind of wand would have chosen a fellow like Edward, or indeed why it exists in the first place!

Joanne

He’s a Hufflepuff, and proud to be! Similarly to Edward, it didn’t take very long at all for him to be sorted. He’s on the shy side, especially for his first few years, but once he starts coming out of his shell, he makes a lot of friends… even in other houses! He still feels most comfortable around other Hufflepuffs, though. They just get him!

One of the handful of rare students who’s a full pureblood with very little, if any, discernible muggle blood in his heritage. Both of his parents are purebloods, which seems to surprise people, because despite his gentility, Joanne seems to struggle with the more intensive magical concepts.

He’s not all that concerned with points, because he’s pretty much just interested in his coursework. However, like Ciel, he tends to earn house points for Hufflepuff anyway simply due to the fact that he tests well, he’s always there to help someone if they need it, and he follows the rules.

It, er… takes him a while to get the hang of flying during his first year, and even then, he tends to stay off a broom if he can help it. His favorite of his core classes is herbology, and during later years, he absolutely blossoms when he starts studying the care of magical creatures. He’s just got such a soft spot for taking care of things. He’s also fond of arithmancy, which boggles people’s minds ― they think a difficult class like that would stress him out!

Whenever he can’t sleep, he often hangs out with the Friar. The two of them (along with possibly another Hufflepuff ghost or two) will just sit in one of the common rooms while Joanne reads, and sometimes the Friar will stay even after Joanne falls asleep in a chair.

Lizzie

Nobody better have anything bad to say about Hufflepuffs where she can hear it!! Unlike her brother, the Sorting Hat took a little bit with her, waffling between whether she would be a better fit for Hufflepuff or Gryffindor. Her undying loyalty, sweetness, and strength eventually got the choice made. Other houses might think them strange, but Lizzie is a very bubbly young lady and has made wonderful friends with nearly all her housemates!

Her similarities with Edward lie in their heritage. Most people think of her as just one step down from a full pureblood.

Although she doesn’t take competition too terribly seriously, she still wants to earn as many points as she can for her house. She’s very like Joanne in that she earns points by being very kind to everyone and helping where she can, and putting as much effort into her exams as possible.

Don’t let her petite stature and sweetness fool you ― she is a beast of a seeker once she works her way up there! Quidditch is just her hobby, though, as she much prefers charms and is shockingly very adept at potions. She also takes apparition lessons in her sixth year, and dabbles for a short time in divination. She also at least considers joining Joanne in the care of magical creatures, even if she might not end up doing it.

The fact that she’s dating Ciel, a Slytherin who is seemingly her opposite, is just incomprehensible to most people. There are those who say he must have slipped her a love potion or done some other spell on her. These rumors, however, are untrue. She simply adores Ciel, and that is all there is to it.

Soma

Many of his classmates are stumped as to why a prince was sorted into Hufflepuff! Then… they meet him, and it all makes sense. He’s made of sunshine and is astonishingly devoted to anyone he decides is his friend. And, well, he sort of attaches himself like that to everybody. Strange, everybody thinks? Maybe… but these are his people!!

He’s a half-blood, with a bit more wizard blood than muggle. His father is actually not pureblood; instead, his father is a muggle whose parents were both half-bloods, and it’s Soma’s mother who is a near-pureblood, a witch whose parents are a half-blood and a pureblood.

He’s rather unconcerned with the house points, preferring to concentrate on everything he can learn in his classes. There’s so much he doesn’t know! He often costs Hufflepuff points with some oblivious behavior, as well as his exam scores not being the best, but he also often earns just as many points with kind behavior toward other students.

He enjoys his astronomy class in particular, and seems to do very well in herbology even though it’s not his favorite. He joins Edward in being thoroughly fascinated by the history of magic. He also loves transfiguration, consistently getting the highest marks in that class. It might surprise everyone that he takes muggle studies as an elective ― that interests him too, okay! In later years he’ll probably need a lot of counseling to figure out what he wants to focus his attention on.

His friend and protector Agni literally kind of followed him to school because their bond is so strong. Agni’s a half-blood who works in the kitchen at Hogwarts, and lives on the grounds, so whenever Soma needs him, he’s there. Soma loves this! All his friends in one place!

#Black Butler #Kuroshitsuji #Hogwarts AU #Cheslock #Ciel #Clayton #Edward #Joanne #Lizzie #Soma #headcanons #AU #wow this was a lot of fun heck!!!!!#IT GETTED SO LONG oops #queued

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